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crushing-on-nico-di-angelo · 3 years

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Okay, here's the actual chapter 3

7 Nights in Cabin 13

Nico took a small step backwards. “I’m sorry,” Will hesitated. “I shouldn’t have asked you, I know you probably don’t want to and--”

“Hey, woah, I never said I didn’t want to. I was just shocked. Not everyday I get asked to sleep with someone-- I- I mean… you know what I mean.”

Will giggled. “So does this mean you do want to?”

“...Yeah. I guess it does.”

Read (and maybe give kudos?) on ao3

~~~~

Lying in Nico’s bed, side by side, wasn’t as awkward as Will thought it would be. The comforter was very comforting and warm. The warmth of Nico made his heart beat faster, he hadn’t slept next to anyone since he was about seven years old having a nightmare about goats and crawled into his mami’s bed.

Nico turned to him, so Will made the necessary adjustments.

“I hope you don’t mind that I kept the window open. The light… helps.”

“I’m the son of Apollo, Neeks. I don’t mind at all.” Nico’s face softened. Will stared at his eyes, and he swore there was a universe of activity and stars in a dark brown expanse. He was lost in trying to pinpoint every constellation that he didn’t notice Nico’s hand reaching for his hair until he felt the tentative ruffle.

“Ah, sorry. I can stop if you’d like. Bianca…” Nico cleared his throat. “Bianca used to do this to me when I was having trouble sleeping.”

“Don’t stop,” Will murmured, once again feeling the effects of sleepiness. “Please.”

Nico closed his eyes and continued softly playing with Will’s hair. Will was simultaneously hyper-aware of how nice it felt to have someone play with his hair and extremely at peace, letting sleep overtake him.

A wedding. Drinking gasoline. Pain in his right leg. Silence; eternal, deafening silence.

When Will opened his eyes, he was acutely aware of the hand resting on his head. A bit of drool was pooled underneath his chin, but how could he move when Nico was still asleep holding his head? Nothing to do now but stay still and think.

Alright Solace… I’ve been putting it off too long. How did I get here? …Nathan is how. But I don’t want to think about him. Which is fine, because I haven’t seen him in years, so I can’t exactly pin this on him. How did I get here now? ...I got into my head again is how.

He remembers it, his relapse, but not exactly.

He was showing Clarisse how to complete an advanced archery move. He may not have been the best in comparison to his siblings, but he and Clarisse had been best friends after the Battle of Manhattan. They had gotten clean together. He had to help her with the archery.

But then. The way he positioned Clarisse’s arm. He remembered that was exactly how Fletcher positioned his. He remembered Michael doing the same for other campers. He finished teaching Clarisse the move and left to go to the showers.

He pushed the thought out of his mind-- or, he tried to. He couldn’t think of anything at all, and his breathing was getting so, so heavy. He turned on the water to hide the noises he was making, hyperventilating. They were dead, they were dead, and he knew they were dead. Why couldn’t he get it through that thick skull of his? He knew they were dead he saw it happen, saw the bridge collapse. But it was all he could think of, all just looping through his mind, over and over and over. No release. No end in sight to the looping thoughts. Breathing breathing breathing only not in the way he was supposed to. Suffocating on too much air and not enough oxygen.

And then the dysphoria kicked in.

His chest hurt. His chest hurt so fucking much. In addition to the binding he was doing, he was breathing so, so hard. He wanted to take the binder off, but his clothes were too wet and it was stuck. Thoughts looping, never stopping. Dead, dead, dead. Never going to be a real man. The sound of the explosion being nothing and everything to him all at once. Losing the first person to help him. Wanting so badly to hurt himself but having nothing to do so with. And then remembering what he did in the following months.

He let the water of the shower run over his soaked clothes while he focused on what he did after they died. The Hypnos cabin, they helped him forget it, but in the wake of his panic attack he remembered where he put them.

The last of his stash.

The next thing he knew, he was frantically searching for pennies with a flashlight in a camp that didn’t even use American currency-- his mind finally off his dead siblings-- at midnight outside of the Hades cabin. And thank Zeus for that.

...He was a weak person. As soon as things got tough, he went with the convenient solution. He’d always been a bad friend and a bad son because of it, and he likely always would be. Things got better for a bit, but looking at himself now? How could he ever think of himself as a good person after this, when it’s clear that he’ll always be fucking… weak like this….

This wasn’t something he was going to forgive himself for anytime soon. Not at all. Especially not for concerning Nico like this. He could have handled himself.

Could I have handled myself? he wondered. Nico shifted in his sleep, his arm now draping over Will’s shoulder. Does it even matter right now? It’s too late to change it.

He tried to settle into sleep again, but he found that he couldn’t. He also didn’t want to think anymore about what happened to get him here in the first place, when he could be messing around with his friends and cabin-mates while canoeing. He could be trying for the camp record on the lava wall. He could be doing a million things… but he fucked it up. Gods, he already said he didn’t want to think about it. So why was he?

He sighed softly, not wanting to disturb Nico. He snuggled into Nico’s embrace, not realizing how close they had gotten when they were asleep. His nose was nearly touching Nico’s and he noticed the faint freckles splashed over his nose and under his eyes. They were so light that you had to be inches away to notice them, but Will suspected that he would only notice them from now on. Just like his eyes, Will felt compelled to trace out constellations.

Will had posters and posters back in his home in Austin about stars and space exploration. He memorized constellations and had a hyperfixation on planets from ages seven to eleven. He still had all of that knowledge in his head, and it was remarkable to him how many constellations he found on Nico’s face. He pulled one of his hands from under the covers and started going over them, trying not to touch Nico’s face. He did lightly trace Nico’s nose, and was surprised when Nico didn’t even stir. He started feeling more and more relaxed, tracing what was almost the big dipper; he eventually fell asleep again with his hand cupping Neek’s cheeks.

He dreamt rough dreams, but was fortunate enough to wake up not remembering any of them.

~~~~~~

Will woke up and felt an absence of warmth. He saw Nico leaning against the doorframe, his silhouette framed by the hall light. He stood there, unmoving. Will would have wondered if he had fallen asleep again if not for the fact that he was standing fully upright. Nico knocked gently on the wood of the frame before walking away. Will wondered what that was all about but didn’t want to ask. He stood from the bed and walked to Nico’s bathroom to splash his face. He stood up and was hit with dizziness. There was a clock by Nico’s bed which read ‘8 P.M.’

“Ah,” he murmured himself. “That’s it.”

He fell asleep with Nico at around noon, which meant he hadn’t eaten in nearly 8 hours. He shivered from the cold. He grabbed a jacket hanging from the bed and walked out.

“Hey, Neeks,” Will felt a bit odd. They had been so intimate with each other earlier, he wondered if that would make things awkward between them.

“Hello, William. How’d you sleep?” Nico seemed to not mind, so Will decided to play it cool.

“Alright. I dreamt, so…”

Nico chuckled. “So not the best it could have been. I made us pot pie, it’s in the oven right now.”

“Holy shit, deathboy. You always cook so much?” Nico smiled and shook his head.

“Just felt like it lately, I suppose. It’s almost ready, grab a seat.”

~~~~~

After about an hour of eating and delirious laughter, it suddenly came to light that Nico had never played 20 questions.

“What the hell do you mean you’ve never played?” Will was incredulous. “Didn’t you used to go to boarding school?” Nico was still grinning from the laughter.

“Well, yes but I was around 10 years old! I didn’t play games like that.” Will shook his head in disbelief.

“We’re remedying that today, di Angelo.”

“How do you play?”

“I ask you a question, you answer it, and then you ask me and I answer. The cycle continues until we each ask 20 questions.”

Nico hummed to himself. “Is anything off-limits?”

Will knew what he didn’t want him to ask, but instead said, “On my end? No. Is there anything you don’t want me to ask you?”

“...I suppose not.”

“Alright. Feel free to say ‘skip’ for any question. No big deal, I’ll just ask a new one.”

“Alright. Do you go first or me?”

Will always liked to ask the same question during 20 questions. “If you had the chance to have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?”

“Hm…” Nico took a deep breath. “Does my mother count?”

Will’s breath hitched. “She-- she does,” Treat it normal, Solace. “She seems like she’d be a good choice. She died in the 50’s?”

“30’s, actually. Right before I was moved to the Lotus Hotel.”

“...Oh. I’m sorry, Nico.” Nico waved him off.

“It’s fine, I was little. There’s just… so much I wish I knew, you know?”

“For sure…” Gods, this poor kid. “Still, I’m sorry. You were just a kid.”

“Yeah, well. Anyway. My turn, right?”

Will could tell that conversation was over, so he nodded.

“What’s your tattoo?” Nico asked, to which Will smiled.

“It’s… here.” He pulled down his shirt enough for the sun to show. Nico leaned forward to get a closer look.

“It’s really pretty. I saw it on that first night after you showered. Why did you get it?”

“Lee Fletcher.”

“Lee Fletcher? Who’s that?”

And who was Lee Fletcher? Lee Fletcher was the man who meant everything to Will. He had a mom and two sisters, and no father. Lee Fletcher was the first guy in his life to act as a guardian to him. He was four years older and always acted as an older brother even before Will knew that Lee was a guy. Lee taught Will archery and how to talk to girls. Later, Lee would teach him to talk to boys. Lee was powerful and smart. He was so, so brave. He would heal people just by singing to them. He was everything that Will wanted to be.

After he died, Will was inconsolable. Of course, during the war he was fine. He was cool and collected: a healer, the child of Apollo. But after? He started sneaking out more, trying to escape everything and everyone. Started drinking more… that’s when he met Nathan. He knew that wasn’t the question, though. Lee Fletcher, the memory of Lee Fletcher, is what kept him going through the darkest time in his life. He owed the world to him.

“Lee Fletcher… well…”

#i pinkie promise this is the real one #fanfiction #7 nights in cabin 13 #seven nights in cabin thirteen #lee fletcher #will solace #apollo cabin #hades cabin #nico di angelo #solangelo #solangelo fic #multichapter fic #fanfic #fic #ao3 #archive of our own #writing

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aethersea · 3 years

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you know what, I never do these things, but actually I’ve decided I would like to get to know people better! I would like to partake of the mortifying ordeal! I would like to talk about myself for a bit!

ok for the next...let’s say five days I will answer any of these things that people tag me in, or any random personal questions you plop in my ask box. I don’t have an ask meme on hand but just....pick one you’ve seen recently, or make up questions of your own, and I’ll answer. (the answer might be ‘nope that’s private’ but I will answer.) (@ the anon who asked for book recs - I see you, I’ve been thinking of books all day, I’m going to give you SUCH a long answer, I hope you don’t regret your choices bc it WILL be full of gushing)

alright, let’s go!

🌻 Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

Tagged by @booksandchainmail

Last Song: I’m currently listening to “Falcon in the Dive” from the Scarlet Pimpernel musical on loop. I watched one or two Scarlet Pimpernel movies when I was just barely too young to fully get what was going on, and the story’s held an odd but deep-seated place in my heart ever since. A few years ago I found out there’s a musical and most of the songs are pretty stellar (go listen to “Madame Guillotine” if you like big ensemble broadway numbers, it’s a banger, the bit where he cries out for God has been running through my mind on and off for a few days now haha not like that’s topical or anything), so every once in a while I spend a few days listening to them a lot.

Sometime last year I read the actual book, and got super into the whole concept of the Scarlet Pimpernel for a while. I plotted out Pimpernel aus for several fandoms, I read the entire wikipedia article, and I went looking for bootlegs of the musical. I didn’t find one, but I did find a full radioplay-style recording of the script, complete with full musical numbers, and listened to it like a podcast.

Reader, I was so disappointed. The play adds some scenes, bc a lot of the dramatic tension of the novel comes from internal conflict and that doesn’t stage super well, and the very first scene of this play – a play written in the NINETIES – features our dashing hero rescuing some aristocrats from a French prison, and then saying to the person in the next cell, who begs for rescue but is not an aristocrat, “We have enough of your kind in England.”

Enough! of your KIND! What in the merry frickety HECK my dudes!! The book has some rather unfortunate™ takes but it is from 1905, it’s regrettable but sadly to be expected. This play is from 1997. It has NO excuse. This scene wasn’t even in the book! What! the heck!

I was so disheartened that I lost my excitement for the play, and a couple songs later I stopped listening. It occurred to me just a few days ago that you could actually stage that ironically, with the person in the cell giving the audience a “can you believe this” look, and then the rest of the play could feature assorted non-aristocratic ensemble members constantly looking at the audience like they’re on The Office. And hey, maybe that’s what they did, or something similar – maybe that was never meant to be taken as a cleanly heroic stance, and the play deals with it in a complex way. It’s possible. I wouldn’t know. Kinda doubt it though, based on song lyrics.

Favorite Color: red, probably

Last Movie: I watched that new lesbian christmas movie with my family for christmas, the one with kirsten stewart and the guy from schitt’s creek. it’s very sweet and good and kinda sad, and I really enjoyed it. it also incidentally has the best gay best friend trope in probably anything ever, bc it’s not a trope (I didn’t realize until several hours after watching that it technically fits), it’s just a guy who is the protagonist’s best friend, and they’re just all gay, and then when he Gives Relationship Advice as a gay best friend always does, it’s advice about how to deal with your partner’s hangups around coming out.

actually every part of the gay best friend trope becomes better when they’re just best friends who are both gay. the big dramatic gestures (in this case, driving some ungodly distance in the snow on no notice) go from “haha how kooky” to “queer man will do anything he needs to to rescue his queer friend from an isolating & potentially triggering situation”. the relationship advice isn’t “honey you deserve some self-respect, treat yourself”, it’s a deeply sincere reminder of the vulnerability that is shared across almost everyone’s queer experience, and look I could ramble about this for a long time before reaching a coherent point but I’m INTO IT, okay? I’m into it.

Last Show: you want me to remember what show I last finished???? impossible, cannot be done, it was a long time ago and the adhd has eaten everything that happened before last week. here, instead I’ll tell you about another movie I watched, late at night with my mom in cozy companionship just a couple days ago. it’s called Quigley Down Under and it’s about a cowboy who goes to Australia and kills a bunch of racists, 10/10 would watch again. it’s from 1990 but it feels much older, with the music choices and the cinematography of a 70s Western. the cowboy is great, honorable and fearless and kind, but the breakaway star of this movie for me is the woman who attaches herself to his side and refuses to leave. her name is Cora, and she’s crazy, in the sense that she’s not altogether tethered to reality, but this never for a second diminishes her agency. she’s fierce and clever and compassionate, and she basically never does anything she doesn’t want to in the whole movie. her arc is about overcoming trauma by taking charge of her own fear and facing it head-on, she is never belittled or dismissed by the narrative or the protagonist, and look she’s just so cool. I love her. she’s so vibrantly alive. her story could probably have been handled with a bit more nuance, but honestly for the 90s it’s pretty great. I’m no expert, but I found nothing objectionable in it, just a bit of heavy-handedness.

anyway the theme of the movie is that racism is evil and racists deserve to be shot, and this too could have been handled better (not a single aboriginal character speaks a single line of english in this movie), but it follows through on that message in every way, while still being a fun kinda campy cowboy movie. overall a very good time.

Currently Watching: started showing my sister Hilda the other day, and she’s liking it! I love that show, it’s so incredibly cute. can’t wait to see season 2

Currently Reading: lmao I wish. lately the brain has firmly rejected all attempts to read anything of any length. currently pending, bc I was halfway through them when my brain stalled out, are tano’s fic What Does Kill You Can Make You Stronger, Too, a Toby Daye book - I think it was The Brightest Fell, I got like half a chapter in and haven’t picked it up in over a month, the Locked Tomb series, and probably a few other things too. ooh! also a book called Making Sex by thomas laqueur, which is my fancy academic reading that I’ve been doing in short bursts for the past year or two when I feel fancy and academic. it’s about the development of the concept of biological sex and of gender in Western society, and it’s fascinating. has among other things introduced me to the idea that until quite recently, fathers were a matter of faith. the mother? yeah, you can watch the baby pop out, we all know who the mother is. but the father? how can you know? how can you really know? we have paternity tests these days, but for all of human history up until now, we've just had to take fatherhood on faith. (not to mention we didn’t even know what fathers were contributing to the production of a fetus. clearly it was something, since you can’t get pregnant without a penis getting involved, but we have literally not known what until the past few decades. and that is wild. it has colored ALL of human history, all of our conceptions of society and family and kinship and gender, all of it, and it hadn’t even occurred to me until it was spelled out for me in this book, and it’s just......wow.

Salty, sweet or savory: for christmas my sister and I made seven different types of cookie, most of them involving chocolate somehow.

Craving: no bc I ate so many cookies. unless sleep counts. or maybe pringles, it’s been many moons since last I had a potato chip and I miss them.

Coffee or Tea: no thank you

Tagging: @coloursisee, @krchy-tuna, @sam-j-squirrel, @xzienne, @mirandatam, @viciousmaukeries, @sepulchritude, @elidyce, and @navigatorsnorth bc it’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I’m super hyped that you’re married now. v happy for you!

#finx rambles #finx has friends on the internet #be sure to tag me if you do this so I can go read it!#also you don't have to yammer on as much as I do #I'm just Like This you know #hmm perhaps I should readmore this actually #hmmmmmmm #I think I will use the excuse that it is 6 am to not do that #on account of how surely there are not many people up #and anyway this isn't meant for reblogging; you will only have to deal with this post once

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gas-station-trackphone · 4 years

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Fic Recs/Mandatory Reading for Reddie fans

Here is an incomplete list of some of my favorite Reddie fics on ao3, because i cannot get over the sheer talent of this fandom’s wonderful writers! A lot of these are the Greatest Hits that you’ll find on almost every fic list, but that’s why I consider them mandatory reading. like if you haven’t read some of these, what are you doing?

the years go by like days by georgiestauffenberg, rated M

the 27 years in between, but better because richie and eddie stay together. every time i think of this fic, i think of that lady gaga meme where she’s like “brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, etc” and maybe it’s bc this is one of the first reddie fics i ever read, but this one is always gonna be my favorite

broken record by spunknbite, rated E

the mother of all time loop fics. every reddie veteran gets chills at the phrase “the house on Neibolt was still standing”

literally everything by stitchy

like seriously just clear a few days bc you’re not gonna want to stop reading this author once you start. no other author has made me literally fucking cackle in one paragraph and sob in the next like this one, pls do yourself a favor and devour all their works like i did

the night we met (take me back) by camerasparring, rated E

ch2 fix-it where eddie shows up at richie’s door alive and with no memory. great slow burn with a wonderfully conflicted richie, 10/10

let’s hear it for my baby! series by cloudings, rated E

OOOOOOOHHH boy! a modern teen!reddie grindr AU that’s both steamy AND sweet?? more like a fucking blessing amen hallelujah

a heart that laughter has made sweet by marjaani, rated E

another lovely teen!reddie fic that’s got it all! sweet, stupid boys, humor, a teeny bit of angst, and some 5-alarm fire smut with some top eddie, as a treat

keep talking. i’ll keep walking toward the sound of your voice. by theappleppielifestyle, rated T

angst with a happy ending is my favorite, and this one is just fantastic. so sweet, so sad! and stan is featured as eddie’s afterlife buddy and idk about y’all but i cannot get enough of stanley uris in my reddie fics. read this, then read all this author’s reddie fics, they’re all amazing

collateral by loosecannon, sheepknitssweater, rated E

a post-ch2 fic that i guess could be classified as fix-it, BUT with some very interesting twists. they beat the clown, everyone lives, but no one really gets the tropey happy ending. the WIP sequel is also incredible and i live for the updates.

the greater fool series by mischiefmanager, mostly rated T with some E

this is a series i’ll reread a lot bc it’s so fucking good. follows young reddie into early adulthood, mostly a bunch of cute shit where they figure out themselves and their relationship. also contains the single best teen reddie fic in existence, he came in through the window, but reading the whole series is a must

brokeback derry and everything else by Amuly, rated E

27 years in between, richie and eddie reconnect in their 20s and meet back up in derry twice a year to remember and love each other before going back to their lives and forgetting. so much pain. there’s a lot of sweet stuff in there, but you can see shit’s gonna get complicated from miles away and the anticipation almost gave me stomach ulcers (in a good way). ultimate angst with a happy ending.

let me name the stars for you by playedwright, rated M

speaking of angst with a happy ending...Martian AU!!!!! this one fucked me up in the best way, i literally called my roommate at 2am to vent to her about my emotions after reading it. i go back and reread chapter 8 just to be overwhelmed by it, and it makes me cry every time. plus, there are awesome sequels/companion pieces in the series! read this, i beg you!

walk through fire for you by hyruling, rated T

unwind after all that angst with some cute, drunk, confused eddie being very upset when he finds out richie is engaged. richie only teases him a little before pointing out the matching ring on eddie’s finger.

in the heat of the summer (you're so different from the rest) by kaboomslang, rated E

post-ch2 slow burn with tags that really say it all, including but not limited to: eddie moves to california and richie is a mess, Eddie Kaspbrak’s Hot Girl Summer, and cute middle aged man dates

pivotal moments by danfanciesphil, polypocket, rated E

high school reddie has a sort of fwb thing goin on, but emotions get in the way. featuring wonderful bevchie friendship, hella miscommunication, cute double dates, high eddie, and a happy ending

like a bullet in the back by jerry_duty, rated M

adult idiots in love! a personal favorite trope of mine! slow burn with a fair helping of angst but a really great ending. richie stays with eddie in new york while he’s there on business, and it takes these losers SO LONG to figure it out but the way they dance around it is very cute

no sense of living without aim [WIP] by liesmyth, rated E

richie and eddie meet on grindr in the 27 years between and hey, whadda ya know, they fall in love! i really love this fic but i’m pretty sure it’s been abandoned. i’ve had it open on my phone browser for like 3 months with no update but i still check it regularly bc i’m pathetic and this fic is just so good i’m DYING to know what happens next so read at ur own risk

a strange sense of familiarity [WIP] by Katranga, rated E

another “they meet and fall in love without remembering” fic, and even though it’s not complete yet, it gets regular updates. oh, also, i’m obsessed with it. they’re long distance fuck buddies who can’t admit they’re in love, and then they get hit with the childhood memories! and everyone lives! what’s not to love! also PLEASE read kisses take like mint and every other reddie work by this author, they are all fantastic

adult friends by sudowoodo, rated T

AU where adult reddie meet at a first aid seminar for work (immediately fall in love), become friends, become best friends, and finally get to be happy. has some super repressed eddie and intensely pining richie, which is always fun, and genuinely made me laugh out loud. also please check out this author’s other reddie fics, there’s some super sweet kid reddie in there that really warms the heart

the mind's a funny fruit by joldiego, rated T

eddie wakes up barely alive in derry, has 0 memory, calls himself richie, and moves in with some lesbians. an absolute must read that ought to be on every reddie fic rec compilation. i read this a long time ago and just thinking about it makes me want to read it again.

now what i'm gonna say may sound indelicate [WIP] by IfItHollers, rated E

it took me entirely too long to find this fic since i joined the fandom, and it’s truly a fucking masterpiece. it’s almost at 200k now and still unfinished, and the slow burn is excruciating, but this is a legendary fic for a reason. eddie spends the first chunk of this fic in the hospital recovering from the massive chest wound, and then he and richie move the recovery to ben’s cabin in the woods. the author’s notes for each chapter are a story in themselves

signs of a new lifetime by swordfishtrombones, rated T

one of the sweetest, most romantic reddie fics i’ve ever read. a fresh take on a classic concept: post-ch2, they’re in love, they haven’t said/done anything about it yet, BUT!!! it’s not angsty! they are all cute and giggly like “you say it first!” “no, you say it first!” and it makes me fucking MELT

broadcasting tower by swordfishtrombones, rated E

back-to-back recs from the same author! bc i love these fics so much! sort of similar to the last one in that they both know what’s up and just haven’t said it, but this one’s got the angst! i didn’t know when i read it that it was the same author as the other fic, and i thought how funny, i found another reddie author that perfectly captures this pair in such a wonderfully romantic way! i also just noticed there’s a follow up to this so now i have to go read that immediately

eurydice; the original comeback kid by Vulcanodon, rated M

for the love of god please read this and the other work in this series. it’s a ch-2 fix-it with some intense action sequences and major pining, and it has haunted me since i first read it

love on the telephone by tempestbreak, rated E

okay this one is really just 30k of pure smut but it’s also so sweet and features a mini sexual awakening for eddie and some insecure richie with an emphasis on how much they love and trust each other. also it doesn’t hurt that the smut is fire, like does anyone else want that twink obliterated, or is it just me?

the boy who loves you by candlejill, rated E

eddie lives, richie confesses, things are chill and then they’re not. richie’s career flourishes, which is always nice to read and is what ultimately catalyzes eddie’s gay awakening and realization of his love for richie. it’s got some sad angsty parts and a very sweet ending, and it up there as one of my favorite reddie fics of all time

richie and eddie break up [WIP] by skeilig, rated M

a refreshing and realistic take on life ch-2 for the losers, because being in love at thirteen doesn’t mean you can fall into a perfect relationship at 40. i’ll admit, i’m hoping this will ultimately be a “richie and eddie get back together” fic, but it’s still a very good read (and often very funny in the second chapter) at the moment in the midst of their break up

september 1989 and everything else by pineapplecrushface, rated T

cute kid reddie figuring it out and making me smile. the follow up to this and the after derry series by this author are also personal favorites

go west by ssstrychnine, rated T

road trip fic! an absolute work of art slow burn with teen reddie in the 90s. it’s so beautifully written i just wish i could go back and read it for the first time again

the edification of eddie kaspbrak by tozier, rated M

character study with some incredible fucking prose, my lord it gorgeous. explores how eddie learns about love as he grows up, and it’s super fucking sad sometimes bc the poor boy doesn’t know how to have the things he wants and i just want to give him a hug, but it’s really a spectacular fic

circular motion by sinchronicity, rated M

soulmate!AU that follows book canon and even though it’s been a long time since i’ve read it and the details are fuzzy, i remember absolutely loving it and thinking it was incredible

tell me you know by RichiesToesHurt, rated E

college losers with some severely pining and jealous richie with a lovely ending

predicament bondage [WIP] by dgalerab, rated E

i resisted reading this fic for so long, recently broke and binged all of it, and now i’m like frothing at the mouth for updates. richie’s a closeted actor/comedian who meets eddie, a professional Dom, when he needs help researching a role. they become friends, they develop crushes, richie realizes he’s a sub, and it’s just so much fun to read

there’s a lot more fics to rec so i might add on to this in the future, but in the meantime my biggest tip for for reading fanfiction that took me embarrassingly long to figure out: focus on the authors! if you read something you like, check out the rest of the work by that author bc odds are you’ll like that too. i mentioned it in a few specific works above, but check out the authors catalogues for these fics. if i included every work by these authors that i loved, this list would be miles long

feel free to add on any great stuff i missed, there’s sure to be tons of it!

#reddie #reddie fanfiction #fic rec #IT movie #it stephen king #losers club #these are mostly just my ao3 bookmarks #there's more in my ao3 if you want to check me out: lilypond3

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bettercallsabs · 3 years

Text

After Dark

Here we go peeps.I'm back with some new trash! Here's a new unedited series (yes another one). This was an original story converted to reader insert so it does contain character descriptions, if this bothers you, don't read any further. Otherwise, please enjoy! Sorry, I'm a bit rusty. Haaaa

Warnings: language, swears, things.

Word count: 1.5k

Steve Roger's x Plus Sized Reader

My tag list is open, so never miss a post!

I dropped out of college my first semester after my father disappeared leaving me to care for my teenage sister.

My name is Y/N. I'm 20 years old. I'm working at a trendy night club as a waitress.

…..

"Y/N, get a fucking grip." Grace yells as she stomps down the hallway.

"No Grace, I won't! You're 15 years old, christ! You shouldn't even be having sex." I snap back at her.

It had just been my sister and I for nearly two years. Ever since the disappearance of our father, raising my sister alone had proven to be a real walk in the park… not.

Was I ever this bad as a teen? Holy shit.

"Sorry I'm not a prude like you."

Grace's tone is sparky, as she rests a hand on her hip.

I fold my arms across my chest, shifting my weight onto my right leg, rolling my eyes so hard I thought they might fall out of my head.

"I am not a prude."

"You're 20 years old, and a virgin…"

I let out a long sigh, shaking my head as I stared hard at my baby sister.

"That doesn't make me a prude. Christ, Grace! I'm just concerned! You're being reckless! Do you know what could happen? God forbid you get an STI or worse.. You're not even on birth control!"

"He used a condom dummy."

I clutch my face in my hands, letting out a heavy breath in frustration. Why is my sister the way she is?

"Enough. This is obviously a pointless discussion, or lack there of.. I'm taking you in on Monday to get you on birth control, because lord knows you need it."

Grace scowls at me as her eyes roll hard in her head. "Whatever Y/N."

I glance at my watch 6:32 p.m. Shit. I'm going to be late!

"I have to go to work. Please…. Just behave, okay?"

Grace turns and gives me the middle finger before trotting her way up the stairs.

That girl is going to age me 10 years.

Shaking my head, as I breathe out a soft sigh, I quickly grab my keys and purse from the counter, rushing out of the house. The last thing I need today is to be late to work…

……

"Alright ladies listen up."

Terrance, more commonly known as Terry, the owner of the club, stood before us, his chiseled jaw tight as he leaned against the bar.

"My son has a meeting here tonight, so be on your best behavior. I expect the utmost professionalism from my ladies. Y/N and Charlie, you're working the VIP section tonight."

"You could have given some warning Terry, I would have dolled up more!" Charlie, a fellow waitress, looks in Terry's direction, a playful frown peaking on the corners of her full lips.

I feel my stomach churn, I've never worked the VIP section before… it's a big deal. Bigger clients, bigger tips…

I swallow hard, forcing myself to speak up. I wish I was as outspoken as Charlie, she really has that 'I say what I want, when I want' attitude.

"Terry... I never work VIP... if this is an important meeting, shouldn't Lydia or Tanya-"

"Charlie will show you the ropes. Now let's make some money."

Terry claps his hands before heading off to his office. No one wastes anytime. The convened staff disperse in every direction, hurry back to work to finish preparing for the club to open.

"Don't worry hun!" Charlie squeezes my arm in support. "We're gonna make some good money tonight! Steve and his boys are so damn fine and gracious tippers. It's a win win. Eye candy and stacks baby."

"Really?"

I nervously fidget with my fingers before running them through my long blonde hair.

"Yeah girl, of course! So, Papa Terry is putting a lot of trust in you tonight. Word of advice hun, obviously by now you know this club is a special one, so what you see and hear tonight, keep your mouth shut, and you'll do just fine."

I nod, understanding fully what she means. Afterall, rats have never made a good name for themselves.

There's a lot that goes on in the club that terrifies me, but the money is too good to pass up.

Charlie smiles at me, a soft genuine smile, as she wraps her arm in mine. Something about her makes me feel oddly safe and at ease.

"I like you Y/N, so I'm going to give you some more advice here. Stop being such an uptight girl!"

"I can't help it."

"Yeah Y/N, lighten up a little, jeez. When was the last time you got laid?"

Lydia, another waitress appears from behind us as she jumps into the conversation.

My eyes immediately deflect to the floor, suddenly feeling more self conscious than usual.

"I should really get back to it."

"Oh come on Y/N, don't be such prude."

Lydia laughs, but I feel the irritation building within me.

"Why does everyone call me that? I am not a prude!"

My voice is harsher than I intended it to be.

"Woah girl, chill."

Lydia looks at me, seemingly shocked by my outburst.

"Sorry. I'm really not a prude though. Just because I haven't…" I trail off mid sentence, my gaze now focused on the floor in front of me.

I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks.

"Y/N, babe, are you a virgin?"

"Lydia, keep it down.."

"It makes so much sense... You being a virgin explains so much."

"What's that supposed to mean Charlie?" I huff, folding my arms over my chest. What did she mean by that? Was being a virgin a bad thing?

"Who's a virgin? I sure as hell know it's not Lydia."

A booming laugh echoes from behind me, my blood running cold with embarrassment.

Lydia's head snaps in the direction of the laughter, a scowl now pasted on her full lips.

"Oh shut up Bucky, you old windbag!"

Lydia smacks the large bicep of a tall tatted man hard enough that the sound echoes off the club walls..

I shyly duck behind Charlie, trying to make myself invisible, the last thing I need right now is to embarrass myself any further.

"Lydia, you need to work on your strength, hit the gym or something." The one called Dawson smirks at Lydia, who sticks her tongue out. "But seriously, who's a virgin, my curiosity has peaked."

"Pfft, I don't think any girl that works here could be. They are just fucking around."

A rich baritone voice fills my ears. I peer my head around from my very obvious hiding spot, Charlie. The man that belongs to the dreamy voice is even more so. He is tall, so deliciously tall, and his eyes are blue like icy glacial pools. Lord, he is like sex on two legs.

"Hey now! Don't be making those kinds of assumptions. Some of us very well could be. Just because we work here doesn't mean a thing. We dress like this for the tips baby." Charlie rolls her eyes at the two men, resting a hand on her hip.

"Ha ha Charlie, you've got jokes I see. Who knew you were such a comedian?"

"Who is that?" I whisper in Charlie's ear.

"Ah yes, introduction time." Charlie points in the direction of the ridiculously handsome men.

"That's Mr. Roger's son, Steve ." She points to the one with the mesmerizing blue eyes. "And the stupid one is Dawson."

"Hey! Watch your damn mouth Charlie!" Dawson glares at her playfully, before his eyes land on me… so much for being invisible.

"Who do we have here? Fresh meat?"

Charlie pulls me forward, resting her arm on my shoulder. "This is Y/N. She's been around for a bit now, but tonight is her first night working VIP, so be nice to her!"

My eyes instantly flick to Steve , who is looking me up and down. Butterflies build in my just, as my heart flutters. I bite at my lower lip, trying to contain the wave of anxiety washing over me. When his eyes met mine, it was like the earth stopped turning, there was no one in the room but us. I could truly lose myself in those hypnotic blue eyes.

"Damn! She thicc! I'd like to-"

"Watch your mouth Dawson."

Steve 's voice is low as he scowls at Dawson through gritted teeth. Dawson takes a step back, settling himself behind Steve .

Steve 's eyes fall back to mine capturing my full attention with his intense gaze.. And just for a moment I'm lost in those icy pools..

As quickly as they came his eyes left mine, giving their focus to Charlie.

"Tonight's meeting is important, so you will need to be extra courteous. Feel me Charlie?"

"Aye aye Captain." Charlie jokingly salutes Steve , who doesn't look the slightest bit amused.

"Come on ladies, we have jobs to do. Let's get ready to get this money. It's going to be a good night!"

Charlie smiles, looping her arm in mine, as we head into the VIP section. I glance over my shoulder, dying to get one last peak at Steve . Our eyes meet once again, and I feel my heart shudder in my chest… shit.

…….

ForeverTags:

@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked

@itsanerdlife

@sea040561

@dsakita

@princess-evans-addict

@mariekoukie6661

@flashfanfics

@patzammit

#fanfic #fandom #reader #marvel #reader insert #steverogersxreader #steve roger fanfic #mcufam #motorcycleclub #mcu fandom #steve rogers fandom #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x plus size reader #plus sized reader

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ashes-and-ashes · 4 years

Text

March 10, 1971

Dear Remus,

Happy Birthday!! It’s weird to think that I didn’t know you a year ago, but I’m glad I know you now! Besides, what would you do without me? Thank God I’m around to keep you out of trouble.

Hope you like your cake!

Sirius

March 10th, 1972

Loops,

Looks like you’ve made it another year. Don’t worry - I’ll get you one day!

Hope you have the best birthday ever! Also, make sure you sit next to James at breakfast today. Trust me. You won’t regret it :)

Your amazing friend,

- S

March 10th, 1973

Happy Birthday you asshole! It’s so bloody unfair how you’re taller then me now and I absolute hate it and hate you. Piece of shit. Stop eating so much and shrink a little!

Thanks for always being there for me. I probably would have killed myself without you. Now if only you would STOP GROWING.

Tosser,

Love, Sirius

March 10th, 1974

Dearest Re,

Roses are red and I don’t want to be crass,

But take your birthday wishes and shove them up your ass.

You can do it in the Hall or do it in the Loo,

But I’ll always shove things up your ass just for you.

Happy Birthday you accident. Here’s to another 14 years of us being assholes and generally fucking things up!

xoxo Sirius (your ass-shoving partner)

March 10th, 1975

Dear Re,

The worst thing about birthday cards is finding that balance! Like honestly, I could write you a sappy, sentimental card about how you’re the smartest person I know, how sometimes it’s only the thought of you that gets me through the day. How even when I’m bleeding, even when she’s hurting me I know I can survive it because you did. You’re everything, Re - you’re the bravest, most beautiful person I know and I love you for it.

But because I am an amazingly cool person, I will not write such a sappy card because you will make fun of me. Therefore, I shall now end off with one of my trademark brilliant sarcastic comments:

Fuck You.

Happy Birthday!!

- Sirius

March 10th, 1976

Remus,

I was going to write you an extremely detailed plan of the things I intend to do to you tonight but James has a mental breakdown and threatened to choke me. I told him that only you were allowed to choke me and he was not pleased.

So I guess I’ll settle for waxing beautiful poetry because I am a dramatic bastard. Bite me. (I’m sure you will.)

Sometimes I take it for granted how much I love you - how I can tell it’s you by the sound of your footsteps, pick out your laugh even in a crowded hall. If you handed me a piece of paper I could draw your back from memory - every curve and every divot, every raised line of flesh because I’ve touched you and watched you that many times. And I forget that not everyone finds love like this, something so perfect and so beautiful and I’m just so, so grateful that I found you.

Have a great one,

- Sirius.

March 10th, 1977

Congrats! You’re an adult now, Moony - you can finally go and legally buy yourself a beer!

It’s absolutely fucking wild to think that this will be our last year at Hogwarts. Think about it - it’s the last time you’ll be awoken by James and Peter spraying you with water, the balloons in the great hall and the spiked hot chocolate. Won’t you miss it, Moons?

These last 7 years with you have been the best of my entire life. I’ve had so many firsts with you - first drink, first kiss, first smoke, first tattoo. You are my everything, Remus - my sun and my moon and every one of those millions of stars in the night sky. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

Always yours,

Sirius.

March 10th, 1778

Dear Re,

I was thinking the other day about why I bothered writing you a birthday card every year. I mean, the others do it but mine are so different. They’re letters almost, pieces of my heart that I’ve written down for you.

I know this year has been hard, with the Order and all. I know I couldn’t have gotten through without you. You are the pillars that hold me up, the face I see when I fall asleep every night. I say this every year, and every year I mean it more: I love you. I love you so much that it hurts.

And I think I know why I write to you like this. Because every year my love for you grows and if we all die...well. At least people will be able to see how much I loved you.

(Though it would be really fucking embarrassing for them to read some of my cards because holy shit, I am so dramatic.)

Happy Birthday, Moons!

xoxo, S

March 10th, 1979

To my beloved Moonpie,

Happy Birthday! Even with the world going to hell around us I will always be grateful to whoever is up there for letting me have you.

I found the box of old cards - I didn’t know you kept them all - and god, we were so young when we first met! That first card I wrote you - we were 11, Re! 11 years old. 8 years later and we’re still kicking!

Love you always!

March 10th, 1980

Re,

Happy Birthday you dinosaur! 20 years old - that’s ancient, mate. James is also halfway to owing me 100 quid - I bet him that all four of us would make it and he was stupid enough to bet against me.

So you have your regular present that you’ll open up, but it’s our 5 year anniversary, and I thought I’d give you something special. So, don’t open the sketchbook at the table please. There are some things that are not meant for the casual eye ;)

But seriously. Some of those drawings took me hours, and I loved doing them. 5 hours staring at your beautiful face? Worth it.

Happy Birthday!

- Sirius

March 10th, 1981

Dear Remus,

I’m sending this in the post so hopefully it gets to you. It sucks - I think this is the first time we haven’t been together for your birthday and I’m hating every minute of it.

I miss you so much. I miss your smile, your laugh, the curve of your throat and the feeling of your body against mine. I miss the way we would slow dance in the living room and kiss in the shower, play with Harry on the carpet and bake cookies in the kitchen. I miss you - everything about you, so much that sometimes I can’t breathe.

And I love you. It’s the only real constant thing in my life, me loving you. I love you so much it hurts.

Remus. God, I’m shaking. I wanted to ask you in person, but I’m too impatient. Patience has never been my strong suit. You know that.

Will you marry me?

#now what happened on october 31 1981 hmm?#wolfstar #wolfstar fanfic #sirius black #remus lupin #harry potter #marauders #marauders era #sirius black x remus lupin #remus lupin x sirius black

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daisylincs · 3 years

Text

First 20

Guidelines: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all.) Choose your favourite opening line, and tag some friends!

Thank you so much for the tag, amê soeur 💜 @eowima 😘🤗🤗 This has to be one of the coolest writing challenges I've ever seen, I absolutely ADORE it!! 😍😍😍

1) my sole mate

"How do I look?"

2) gonna be pie from heaven above (gonna be filled with strawberry love)

Bobbi absent-mindedly rested a hand on the slight curve of her belly as she half-bent down, checking on the pie in the oven.

3) brand new day

"Mama, can you come help me pick my clothes for today, please?"

4) rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky

Daisy Johnson had always been a fighter.

5) almost nice

Daisy Johnson always sat in the back seat of the bus.

6) you don’t need to choose who cares about you

Daisy sometimes wondered if there was an award for worst relationship history - because if so, she'd be right up there with the best of them.

7) one-up

"Ms Simmons?"

8) the right direction

Jemma ran her hands through her untidy hair, absent-mindedly tugging at the far left side of her fringe, and blew out a long, slow breath.

9) a petal on the stream, a feather in the air

Kara had never been any good at relationships.

10) joy

Daisy sat bolt upright in bed, and her first thought was, oh God, May is going to kill me.

11) barefoot on the grass, listening to our favourite song

"Daisy, do you have a moment?"

12) i’m not spending any time wasting tonight on you

Malick steepled his fingers and frowned across the table at Ward, who suppressed a twinge of dislike for the man, reminding himself that Malick was a valuable ally.

13) the luckiest man

"Turbo, do you have a minute?"

14) ‘tis the damn season

Daisy finished typing up her Christmas update post and chewed her lip, reading it over.

15) the drop, the turn, the loop

Bobbi slammed her shot glass down on the bar, relishing the bitter burn of the vodka on her lips.

16) how much we have left

Tony Stark was having a terrible day before he saw his old SHIELD liaison/team handler/almost friend apparently back from the dead, and with a wife and daughter no less.

17) take your breath away

"Jemma, darling," her mum's voice came floating up the stairs, "there's a letter for you!"

18) my life, my heart, my home

The night yawned five hours later than she had been expecting by the time Jemma was finally able to collapse onto the couch in their new cottage.

19) ‘tis the damn... flamingo?

"You can't be serious," Hunter said, lowering his copy of the bi-monthly Liverpool Still Has It magazine he specially imported so that he could gape at his wife.

20) love

Growing up in a chilly, loveless-despite-this-apparently-being-a-house-of-God's-love orphanage, Skye had often wondered what love would feel like.

Oh my gosh, guys, would you look at that - apparently I've written exactly twenty fics in 2021 so far! Isn't THAT cool? 😱😍 I think it’s super cool and impressive, at any rate :D

Now, I know I’ve already done my twenty for this challenge, buuuut when I accidentally clicked on the 21st-last fic I’ve posted (coincidentally my last for 2020 :D) I saw what the first line was, and I had to laugh. I mean, if this isn’t the best first line to share in a challenge like this, I don’t know what is, LOL.

So from we wish you, my Staticquake & FItzsimmons New Year’s Eve fic:

Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap!

😝

I think that one is my favourite, really, ahahaha, it’s just so FUNNY and random compared to the rest of them 🤣🤣 But if we’re doing this, you know, non-cheatingly, then I’m going to have to go for “Daisy sat bolt upright in bed, and her first thought was, oh God, May is going to kill me.” from joy, because come on, that’s GREAT.

Oh, this was all just MARVELLOUS, I absolutely adored doing it, hahaha. Now to pass along the fun - I’m going to tag @aleksandrachaev, @ohwriteiforgot, @apathbacktoyou, @justanalto, @maybebrilliant, @would-die-for-fitzsimmons, @the-9muses, @springmagpies, @besidemethewholedamntime, @infinitestarsintheskye, @libbyweasley, @maos2013, @ellsey and @loved-the-stars-too-fondly, if any of you guys feel like sharing yours! Yes, I’m aware that that is a TON of tags, but this is a freaking WONDERFUL writer’s challenge, and I want to spread it!! So... :D

#tag game #first 20 tag game #oh my gosh I absolutely LOVED this one #it's SO fun and interesting to go find your first lines!!#you wouldn't think it; but it's just INCREDIBLE #:D :D 😍

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starbuck09256 · 4 years

Text

Paperwork and coffee

Fictober day 13

After detour before chinga

tagging @today-in-fic

I look over the mountain of paperwork in front of me. For months I thought about how that was the one thing I wouldn’t miss when I was gone. Needless forms poor trees whose sacrifice was wasted on blue and black ink littering pages of information already on pages 6 and again on page 10 and one more time on page 15. I wonder how Mulder does it, somehow some way that man always has all the paperwork done and on time. Mulder is a lot of things but he isn’t careless about the x-files. He makes sure every single thing is properly filed in his mess of an office. Organized chaos, I sigh heavily wishing I had just let Mulder fill these out too. I bit my lip looking at the clock, it’s still early only 9 the fact that he isn’t here yet makes me wavier about going to get a coffee. Will this be any less painful with a soul full of foam and creamy espresso. My appetite has returned in more ways than one. I chide myself again for making a pass at Mulder. I need a vacation, a real one. I’ve always wanted to go to Maine in the fall, see the leaves scattering in the wind swirling around the colors of sunset. I could use a giant Lobster with melted butter in every crevasse. A convertible so I can breathe the sea into my body. I push the paperwork aside, boot up Mulders computer and start to look for a small bed and breakfast where you can see the shore through those craftsman style windows. I turn the radio on low as I click through each page. Check the obscene large vacation time I have. I think of Mulder having to be forced to take 5 days off, I remember the giant Elvis sunglasses he bought me and think of taking a picture with them on the trip. Maybe I even buy him one of those giant Lobster claws. I chuckle to myself and the door clicks. Mulder is smiling at me.

“What’s funny?” he asks as he is balancing a coffee and donut bag in his hands.

I get up to help him. It's the good coffee from the coffee shop 3 blocks over. I take a sip and Mulder places his cup on the desk with the bag he’s standing close and chewing his lip. We didn’t talk about the wine or the cheese, or singing a song in the middle of the night, or what it really means for us that I’m still here, waiting. I gesture with my hand, sigh and smile up at him.

“I was thinking about those Elvis glasses you bought, and umm maybe going on vacation. After everything that I..well we went through I could use some sea air. I was thinking maybe Maine.”

I look up at him and he stares at me and touches my hand on the desk.

“I love Maine,” he whispers. He traces my fingers and then his hand is up brushing against my cheek.

“You do?” my voice is breathy like it’s lost in the fog.

He nods and his face is leaning down to mine. I’m transfixed in my spot with one hand on the desk as he closes the gap between us, and then his lips are on mine and his fingers slide back into my hair and his tongue sweeps into my mouth. I can’t help but whimper against him as my own hand goes up to pull him closer. He pushes against me his body is warm and while normally I would be relatively alarmed at being trapped between a man and the desk right now I’m desperate to be closer. My body aches for more and oxygen as he explores my mouth. He pulls away caresses my hair with his other hand. I bite my lip in confusion. What just happened? What does that mean? Why after all this time of all the chances was it here in the office with a coffee.

“I’m sorry.” he says and I am trying to think of a thing he did wrong.

“What? Why? Do you..” the lump in my throat is so large and I want to run.

“I should have done that earlier, so much earlier. You came into my room with wine and cheese and this morning when I was brushing my teeth, I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about how much I wanted that...this. Uh…..us.” his voice waivers at the end.

“I’m an idiot, Scully. I have no idea why you are still here with me or how you don’t know how much more you deserve but I’ll try to make it worth your while for as long as I can.. And I can start with taking you on vacation to Maine or wherever you want to go.”

I can’t help grinning at him. I loop my arms around his neck, try to tilt up to his impossible height and kiss him deeply. His hands press into my back and I try to remember if kissing was always this good, and why I’ve gone so damn long without it. I realize of course that it’s because I waited so long for the one man I swore I wouldn’t kiss, swore I would not let him be a repeat of past transgressions. But now as my tongue lovingly strokes his and his hands roam up and down my back spreading warmth all over my body. I realize I was the bigger idiot for thinking that I could ever not fall for the one person who is my equal. When we pull apart this time both grinning and a little shy. I let my fingers travel up his shirt to the soft blue tie that I got him 2 christmases ago.

“So umm..” he’s nervous and chuckles as I slide my hand up and down his chest.

“When are you thinking we could go?” I look past him to the pile of paperwork that is figuratively looming over my ability to leave with Mulder in tow right now.

I could leave now to pull Mulder into my apartment and not leave for a week. I tap my hand lightly on his chest and sigh. I want to leave now, I want to explore every single inch of him with my fingertips and I want his lips everywhere and the last thing I want is to smell his cologne and feel his eyes as I sit awkwardly in that chair dodging papercuts like the plague. I look at him with a still sadness that I can’t just tell him to lock the door.

“I have so much paperwork…”

I want to cry because he is stroking my wrist and chewing on his lip that has a slight smudge of my lipstick on it. He looks over the pile, the pile that waits on my normal clean in box that surely would never have more than 20 papers at one time. He laughs and I want to hit him. That he would wait until the one time I would absolutely have to stay in the office before turning me into a reckless employee who would leave at 9:45 just because she desperately needs a tryst with her otherwise platonic partner. I want to slap him in the arm for laughing. But he has pulled my fingers to his mouth and is kissing them and sucking on them a bit and watching his tongue has me slightly transfixed.

“Scully…” my name spilling off his lips as he leans down once more and offers me a quick peck which is the last thing I need before the daunting task in front of me.

“Honey, I just have to file those, I already finished all the paperwork.” He laughs again and picks me up spinning me around in our much too small office. We wouldn’t be able to do this if we had another desk down here. But he starts to kiss me again and his lips travel down my neck finding all my sensitive spots far too quickly.

“What?” I can barely mutter as my body hums in deep pleasure. His hands find the top of my shoulder and he gives them a squeeze.

“I did all of that already, even your parts. You’ve been sick for months, working when you could barely stand, I figured the least I could do was your half of the paperwork, you are so very stubborn so I took over almost all of your stuff months ago. You already finished your version of the reports right?” I nod I had at least kept up on our case reports and my 3-4 page megar reports that certainly didn’t contain the dramatic prowess they once endured. Mulder picks up the phone and is already talking to Skinner.

“Hi I think Scully and I should take some vacation time after everything with Blevins and that seminar. We have no new cases worth following up on so I would like to put in an immediate request for myself.” he looks at me holding up a 1 or a two.

My lips fall apart, oh my god. Two full weeks with just him and I and his mouth and I can’t even control my own fingers as they hold up two. The grin I get from him could light up space. He passes me the phone.

“Hi sir, yea just with my recent recovery I think it might be a good idea for me to take advantage of some time as well as things to settle here.”

I can’t believe I’m doing this, that we are doing this. Mulder is already locking filing cabinets and eagerly shuffling the paperwork that I thought would be my nemesis. He is leaning over and clicking on some website I had up and pulling out his wallet. I forget sometimes how he can be when he has a mission, uncompromising, unyielding oh god. I will most likely be his mission later. I feel the flush in my chest as he takes another sip of coffee and hands me mine. I sip and it’s perfect, subtly sweet but clearly he has heard me say that I’m still cutting back on the sugar, but it’s creamy with a nick of cinnamon at the end. The sip calms me down and allows me to focus on finishing the rest of the conversation which is just that Skinner has no problem approving what we need since Belvins is dead and he has better shit to do than babysitting Mulder over the next two weeks anyway. I nod and find Mulder tapping his foot at our printer looking anxiously. He grabs the papers off the printer and drapes his jacket over his arm grabbing the bag of pastries and putting in his mouth.

“Thanks sir,” he mutters into the phone and grabs my hand eagerly with the one free one he has left. I grab my coffee as he throws my coat at me pulling our office door and ushering me out.

“We can slow down you know.”

But god we have been going at glacier speed for years and truthfully if I had more coffee in me I probably would have bound up the stairs faster and already be tapping my foot while he fumbles for the keys.

“Do you want me to go slow at first Scully?” He says he is already halfway up the stairway leaning down towards me.

“How slow?” and his voice has dropped an octave I’m now on the step above him.

He cups my cheek and kisses me so painfully slow I realize now I should have just locked the door downstairs so that the anticipation wouldn’t kill me. I shallow hard as his lips leave mine. “I’m driving.” I mutter taking the last three steps quickly and grinning at him from the parking garage door.

“We gonna get a convertible Scully?” I already am halfway to my car with the keys ready to bring us and the car to life.

#fictober20 #myfic #msr #mulder and scully #season 5 #fluff #coffee #paperwork of doom #the x-files

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madmadmilk · 5 years

Text

One After The One PART 1 | Tom Holland x Reader

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: What does one in a million even mean? Does it mean you’re the first of many or the fucking last? Does it mean that you’re somewhere in the middle? And what happens to the poor baby who ends up being the 999,999th one? Or worse, the one after The One? There ought to be some kind of prize for second to last, and second runner up. Especially when being #2 is your specific talent.

Warnings: Cursing, Suspicion, some Hard to Swallow Pills, and a million blurry pics

Word Count: 6.7K swipes left

Special Shoutout: Thank you @hypnotized-so-mesmerized for being a BETA for this chapter and for you lovely input!

“I can’t fucking believe you’ve got me fifth wheeling for this….” you sigh, as you blow strands of your hair away from your face. You walk briskly atop of the shifting sand behind your leggy friend.

All 5 foot 10 inches of her shakes with laughter as she watches you trip over yourself. She shrugs, “The more the merrier?”

You roll your eyes, resigning to a smile as she waves back for your hand to hold. You reach out and accept her offer loosely, allowing yourself to be pulled along.

“Come on, the boys are waiting.”

Right.

You watch the festival lights cast a warm glow at the edges of her silhouette. She smiles at you, bronzed, beautiful–– taken.

Over the past year, all your best friends started fucking dating each other.

Leaving you single, alone, and second best.

It wasn’t weird, it wasn’t unnatural–– but it quite literally happened over night. “This” is just your “new normal.”

You all still hung out, together, mismatched or separately. Nothing has stopped them from asking you to hang out, but there are times where you feel… The Line.

It was Common Sense tingling and telling you that certain occasions were more of a “date-night” rather than friendly get together. And the last thing you wanted to be was a cockblock to your own goddamn friends.

Like tonight, you were tagging along to the late-night-end-of-the-summer beach bar hop bash, with your two pairs of your closest friends. Sam and Ry, short for Ryan. And Liza and K, short for Erik.

Then there’s you, of course.

The three boys were waiting with drinks in hand, while you and Liza took your sweet time climbing the sandy stairs. This was the usual ritual, but you stood alone when you reached the guys. They paired off, easily, naturally, sweetly.

The vibrating radio-centric music drowned out the sounds of the lapping ocean, the conversation you walked into was near unintelligible, and the crowd was excited about something.

God, I wish that were me.

There wasn’t anything wrong with going to this year’s beach bash, as you go to it as a group every year–– it’s just that this time they were holding hands and you were holding a drink. It’s more sour than you’d like.

You were fine coming out “alone,” but who wants to be alone?

You greet one another with warm hugs and Liza immediately dives into a rant about officially moving in with K, and about how he doesn’t wanna mix his laundry with hers–– all those new domestic nuances.

Sam rolls his eyes and exclaims, “Ry is the same fucking way–– like, it’s just cloth, babe.”

“Easy for you to say when all you wear is black––“ Ry retorts, pushing his boyfriend’s shoulder.

Everyone starts with a snickering laugh, clinking beer bottles and recanting similar experiences.

Tonight you just don’t feel like it.

Living alone and sleeping alone is one of your specific talents. It’s been nice to have your own fucking bed, your own fucking room, your own fucking space–– all of it to just BE your own fucking self, by your fucking self. You’ve been this way for twenty-odd years now (kind of, you know what i mean). Love and friends are welcome to hang out, but at the end of the day, the place is all yours. And yours alone. That’s what home means to you.

“–– But living together hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be,” Liza smacks her lips, looking down in short embarrassment. She leans back against K, “There are good things too.”

Sam is quick to point out their PDA, and you take another sip of your drink. You would have spoken up to contribute about your own experiences, once upon a time. But that’s a sore topic you’re not willing to relive on this breezy night.

Instead, you laugh along, crossing your arms while propping your elbow on the bar. You’ll let tonight be as rosy as it can be with no time to dwell. Your drink is near empty, consumed faster than you remember. Someone taps your shoulder.

“Hey.”

You blink dryly, resurfacing. “Hm?”

K is rubbing the side of your arm, those hazel eyes darkened in the low light. His dark brows were raised high, “You good?”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course,” you answer easily. You hold up your drink, making a smug face and down it to his bemusement. You shake the empty bottle, setting it back on the table. “Always good.”

He nods slowly, looking over at the other three still gossiping amongst themselves. You couldn’t hear their conversation, but you can only imagining Sam and Liza were poking at each other by the way that Ry was smiling.

K swings his head back to you, “Wanna dance?”

“Sure.”

And you follow him, aware that, no, he didn’t want to dance. He wanted to talk.

You walk away with him, unnoticed by the others and tracing your finger across a brick wall. He stops, leaning against it and you do too. Looking over him, neat clothes and nervous face, you raise a brow.

“Sorry––“ he starts slowly, scratching the back of his neck.

“For what?” You laugh, scrunching your brows as you nod your head to the muffled music.

“This. It’s weird, right? Us. All of us, dating. That last year we were the ones single and you were––“ he sighs, pulling his lip to the side, “Last year was totally different. And now we’re all here, still together. Together-together.”

“Mhm, it was going to happen sooner or later,” you muse. K has loved Liza since Day One. And you and him have both known it, and what it means to him now. His dreams become reality every second that passes.

“Shut up,” he swats at your arm. You see the curl of his smile behind the embarrassment, “Nah. No. But this must be awkward for you, huh?”

You shrug. “Little bit. I’ll get over it, you guys are still my friends.”

His eyes search yours for the real truth. They were all so worried that them coupling up would ruin something, between themselves and with you. Ha. You told they they were stupid for thinking that. You believe in seizing the opportunities, in taking leaps and following your partner around the world–– in theory, at least.

They confided in you individually and you told them all the same thing. Tailored to their personalities, but in the same conceptual vein.

“If it works, it works. If it doesn’t, then at least you tried and you don't have to spend another day wondering ‘what if..?’”

And they bought it. Now, that being said, you already knew that they all fucking liked each other so–– push her and push him and push him and him, and things will fall into place.

It’s just that… the new thing is that you’re the one out out of the loop. You used to be the first to know but now you’re last to find out. And that is strange.

You’re not their number 1 anymore. And there’s nothing you can say about it.

“You’re still my best friend, got it?” K leans his shoulder on yours and you rest yourself against him too.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

Today, but not tomorrow.

It’s hard not to be bitter, and it’s horrible that there’s no remedy for it. FOMO is a new-age disease, after all. No science to sort it out yet, no justification to satiate it.

“So…. You talkin’ to anyone? Looking?” He asks too casually for a question he knew you hated. He bumps elbows with you and shake along with it.

“Nope,” your mouth pops at the “p.”

He raises his brows again, and argh you hate that. There was always someone you were talking to, or someone you’ve been with. But not these days. These days you felt too tired to be someone’s ideal anything.

“There are some cute guys around, looking at you,” his eyes twinkle a little too brightly for a straight guy with horrible taste. (Facts backed up by Sam, Ry, Liza, AND personal experience) “Plenty of fish, yeah?”

You shake your head, not interested. Sex could come and go, infatuation could come and go–– but you’re kinda tired of the short stuff. But not exactly ready for a whole-ass relationship either. You don’t need to explain yourself–– you just know you wouldn’t last the night.

“Not in the mood,” you huff.

“Tonight,” he says suggestively, wiggling his shoulders.

You both laugh, you a little bit dryly. You try to direct his attention back to Liza and their budding romance, as the trio finds you guys again. At first they didn’t immediately stand coupled, Ry handing you a drink and Sam going to talk to K. Liza smoothed out her clothes and you all talked about some new plans. It was an honest good time. Ry spilled his drink on Sam, and complained about the laundry again–– Liza got waaaay too drunk and you and K were holding her in your arms while she staggered like Bambi.

It was nice and warm, and a lot like old times.

I missed that.

You felt yourself smile and let loose–– not thinking of old ex’s or new flings. Just about the friends before you and how safe they made you feel, and how happy you are to see them happy. That’s love, right?

“Oh my god, look!” someone exclaimed, pointing a finger at the sky. You hear a loud clap.

As the night faded and grew colder, fireworks erupted into the sky with a loud crackle. You guys squealed and ran to the top of a sand dune, tripping and tumbling to see the dying summer sights. The fizzing calmed your calls. It’s funny how loud fiery skies filled you with the same awe every time. How it quieted you and made you feel small.

The couples soon held each other, soft embraces with their necks craned upwards. Their eyes twinkled from bursts of lights, smiling at the sharp crackles of sound.

Tonight was the one of many nights they would be able to spend in each other’s arms, so far away and close to you all at once.

This was the line you were cautious about–– you couldn’t talk to them when they were like this, out of courtesy. Out of honoring their moment.

You stood back, watching their excited faces instead of the bursting sky. You felt it. Not jealousy or bitterness, but the awful choke of curiousity and selfishness. The “what if that were me?”

It’s been a while since you’ve had arms wrap over your shoulders and kissed your hair. Enough time has passed for you to forget what that felt like. Too long? What was that like again?

The finale of fireworks struck across the inky, dark sky. You inhaled the smell of chalky smoke, tasting the salt in the air. Lights and colors fill your eyes, unblinking.

You suck in your cheeks as it quiets and you can hear the ocean again.

And you let yourself think, I want that again.

So with a new pulse, you went home and did the only logical thing in finding the next Love of Your Life.

You downloaded Tinder.

You avoided “serious” dating and being a “serious” anything to anyone, but seeing that “seriousness” in your friends made you wonder if you could be anything like them. If you were ready to open your heart to the possibility of loving and being loved.

Seriously. Sincerely. No bullshit.

This time.

At least, that’s what you told yourself as you messed around setting up a profile on Tinder. Regretfully spending way too long shuffling through old selfies that were engaging and enticing. You sigh as you pick through the lot, frustrated at the mind games that have already started.

It’s tiring.

And that’s probably why you end up cracking a few days later and end up telling Sam and Ryan. It was a short two word text, “Tinder. Help?” And you got a speedy reply from both of them (even when you knew they were most likely sat right next to each other). They were at your place in less than an hour.

Sam applauds your efforts, but is only there for moral support more or less. He’s an ace at the dating game, but has no patience to explain his ways.

“Typical,” You and Ry hum, as Sam rifles through your pantry instead.

Ryan, quiet as he is, sat with you and looked through the photos you choose. He broke down the psychology of it all; about the aloofness and whatever–– which you understood. You need to try hard, but not look like you are. Effortlessness, funny, chic, digestible, likeable––

“Performative.” He says flatly, “But this is fast and simple.”

And you have to agree, looking at your phone in his hands.

You blink as you reflect.

This is so much easier in fiction, in those movies where people go on a million dates in one week and match with the hottest fucking dudes ever. Where the protagonist has the perfect amount of self-confidence to keep her moving forward, endless chances to mess up and and still get the guy… God, it’s so easy on paper. There’s no dignity to lose. But here? In the “real” world, even on an app you could delete at anytime–– to put yourself out there? Mortifying.

But, at least you’re bored enough to try.

So, what the fuck, right?

“Did you tell Liza and K yet?”

“No, they would definitely try to set me up with someone real,” you laugh, leaning back on the couch. You wriggle your toes and tilt your head away.

Ry leans back with you with a brow raised, “Isn’t that… the point?��

Yeah, like, true. They have lots of friends they’re always trying to peddle your way, which is cool and all but… it’s a lot harder to pick and choose and ghost someone when you have mutual contacts.

He read the look on your face and nodded slowly, “Got it, got it.” He laughed to himself, perceptive and cautious. He extends his thoughts, “But you gotta tell us if you actually go and meet anyone. K would kill us if you didn’t say anything.”

“I won’t get into any trouble,” you squint, looking away from him mischievously.

“Uh-huh,” Ry affirms plainly as he swipes right on a few cute boys.

Your experience with dating apps was limited–– you made a joke account a while ago and never really did much with it. Then you had a more “real” account that you never tried sincerely with. You had real people you dated at the time–– uhm. But now, now that you’re actually on here looking… it is bleak.

It’s a Saturday night and you’re winding down with a glass of wine swiping through your options. People you actually knew showed up, and you swiped that shit away so fast you almost chucked your phone with it. You flipped through people who looked fake for real, some older dudes, and plenty of people with vibes you didn’t like–– the pool is so wide you almost didn’t know where to start. And you could afford to be picky, sure. It’s just, who knew that “too many options” would actually be a problem.

You spend the next few days idling checking and chatting, not getting any viable catches. You felt like you were just peering into small windows, head in and head out. Nothing caught your attention long enough for you to want to look in further.

You even start poking at things you never wanted to acknowledge as real, like the impact of cheesy bios, and deciphering who was who in group pics, and the thrilling amount of dudes holding up fish.

Pretty wack.

You felt yourself grow tired of it again. The adrenaline was waning, burnt to the stump. Good thing you didn’t try too hard. Pfft.

You sleepily swipe away on your phone, too late into the night. You blink hard as you snuggle into your covers, muttering,

“Just one more.”

Ah.

>> check out the whole bio here <<

“T, 23. Friendly, neighborhood romantic,” you whisper to yourself. You crack a small smile.

After countless swipes left, and (1) accidental swipe right, you match with a blurry boy–– super sus, I know. You don’t know how it happened tbh–– there’s nothing to “look” at, but your eyes fell on this one. Maybe because you just watched “Far From Home,” and enjoyed this spidey reference. Or you’re just innately drawn to the word “romantic.” Could be either, easily.

“It’s a match!”

Shit. You mumble, your profile photos floating together. You take a second to look through his meager collection. They were all obscure and blurry and not exactly in the artsy way.

You couldn’t decipher much, only that he had fair skin (?), with dark hair and dark eyes, but even that was questionable.

You’re pretty sure you matched with a bot or some old dude, or worse, a kid. You can hardly see his face in the pictures, blurry or cropped or covered.

Okay...

Is that his real name? Probably not. Is he actually 23? Doubt it. Is this going to go anywhere? Let’s hope not.

But whatever, it’s the first “match” that has seemed interesting in the past few days, solely on your pickiness. And this random bastards only gets you out of dumb luck.

You rub your eyes, and set down your phone, resigning to your stupidity.

You’ll deal with it in the morning.

Good night.

And the gears were set in motion as you slept.

You had a new message on tinder waiting for you, but you didn’t check the app until much later. You go through your Sunday morning routine, only opening your phone after a light breakfast and stretch.

“Oh god,” you blink as you catch the red notification. You look around the room, preparing yourself for what could be anything. You take a deep breath and open the chat.

T: Hey

Oh. You stare at it, so bare with no personality to pick at. You wonder if you should even reply, but by the grips of boredom, you do.

You: Hey!

You set your phone down, trying to swallow the short thrill. You walk away for a moment. A reply comes within minutes.

And it’s a goddamn mess.

T: Sorry, i’ve never done this before.

Strike one. You suck in your cheeks. While you’re fairly new at this too, you… don’t know how much time you want to invest it in. Here again, you debate replying back–– but he beats you to it.

T: I’m trying to get over my ex

UHM? Strike two, you almost have to laugh. This is just testing your patience. Your jaw wriggles as you see he has more to say…

T: And you look a lot like her.

Damn. Strike three, he’s out. He’s got to know that would put anyone off, right? Why would you even admit that straight out? T? Come on, man.

You: i’m not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult.

T: it’s an apology now, i didn’t know what to say

You: you could have complimented my killer smile or the pic of me with a dog. Anything but that

T: Right, right. I’m such a dickhead. Sorry, it’s nice to meet you though.

You hold your phone away, debating whether or not you should just delete the entire goddamn thing because this was just too stupid–– but it’s Sunday morning and what do you have left to lose.

You chew on the side of your lip, deciding to entertain “T,” but don’t spare him any soft words. You’d rather get straight to the point.

You: So… you go by “T?” And don’t have any real pics of your face? Are you even real???

T: Yeah, just private

You: kinda defeats the purpose of putting yourself out there though, right? Lol

T: It’s too easy if i put my face out there

You: oh, ha ha ha. So you’re saying you’re too hot to show your face? Love the confidence dude

And this is where you start actually laughing out loud. You wipe away tears at the side of your eyes, cackling at this display of internet confidence. It’s a tiny piece of amusement from a stranger you have 0 feelings for, and you’re not going to be mean to him… but you’ll definitely poke fun to see how far you can get.

Besides, he’s still replying back right? That’s almost hilarious in itself.

T: Hey, confidence is sexy, right?

You: yeah, more in person than online! 😂 (Laughing emoji)

You take a second to scroll back through his photos, and check to see if he has a link to instagram, twitter, anything. But he doesn’t. You try to pull up any evidence you can–– and at the very least, these blurry pics all look like they’re taken of the same person.

Slight build with dark curled hair–– rippable from any ambiguous online “hot boy” mood board though.

You’re wary.

You spot a picture with his smile, crinkled eye and lifted lip. You could swear he looked familiar… but maybe that’s because you’ve seen that same white boy/model on Pinterest.

Maybe.

T: wanna meet up and see for yourself?

You: maybe if you show me your face first

T: can’t do that quite yet, but I’d love to keep talking to you

You furrow your brows as you read his words. He would be down to meeting up with you upfront, but hesitates to send you a picture beforehand? That’s definitely a red flag, right? Right?

(Yes. Yes it is.)

You pull yourself back and let out a deep sigh. You’re probably the only person he’s talking to, especially with those purposeful (?) blurry pics and cryptic everything. Ugh.

It’s not playing yourself if you know it’s fake right? You can step out of this at anytime.

You: as long as you can hold my attention :)

T: I’ll try my very best ✌🏼 (peace sign emoji)

–– and with some very, very loose banter…. you end up exchanging numbers. You’ve put the whole Tinder thing on pause for now–– all four days of it. All for one stranger with no tact.

Unknown Number: hey, this is t (smiley face)

You: pfffft, I’m going to call you Blurry Boy. Since your name obviously isn’t T

BB: that’s fine with me :) mind if i call you darling?

You: ew

BB: o come on. It’s cute

You: please tell me you’re actually 23 or i swear to god I’m going to fucking lose it

BB: I swear 🤞🏼 (fingers crossed emoji)

You: ok. Prove it. Send me a pic of you–– you face or whatever

Ok. That’s a leap. He could rip a picture from anywhere but let’s see how fast he could do it. If it takes too long, then he probably did just rip it from the internet.

And if he makes a mistake and actually sends you a clear pic of himself? Well, that could only be seen as a win.

BB:

But you are ruthless.

You: ok. Send me another one.

And he could stop if he wanted to.

Only, he doesn’t. In a short moment, he sends another picture.

BB:

Same room, same face, same glasses. I guess you could believe him… for now. No matter how shitty the photos have end up....

But he could also be one of those people with folders full of stock photos… you never know.

But putting paranoia aside, you decide to turn off the heat a lil. You grab your coffee and sit on your couch, sliding into a comfy position. You turn on some YouTube videos on your laptop, watching the first few seconds as you lean your cheek against the couch cushions.

Phew.

You: thanks…. sorry I’m so paranoid. But you truly have the worst pictures of yourself put up there. Potato quality.

BB: nah, i know. I get it. Haha it’s alright, a pretty girl like you needs to protect herself

You: oh BOY that doesn’t make me feel any better 😂(laughing emoji)

BB: fuck, sorry. Ugh that is fuckin creepy. Shit. I’m terrible at texting

You: no, no. It’s alright. Actually, great job with taking those photos so fast. Most people would have taken sooooo much longer. You get a few points for not holding back

BB: babe, i told you. I’m gorgeous. I don’t gotta worry about it 😂😂💕 (laughing emojis)

You: right, right blurry boy. Great job with all those fuzzy ass photos. 🙄 (Eye roll emoji) haha are you really looking for someone out here or…?

BB: sort of. I’m testing out the waters and… you’re really pretty

You have to blink back and roll your eye, you’re unable to digest this conversation as real. They’re flowery words given to you, for sure, but your suspicion is much stronger. Your guard will not let down or be appeased by some blurry ass dude calling you “pretty.”

He replies before you have the chance.

BB: i dont wanna get into the messy details but yeah. Company sounds great right about now

You: yeah, i feel that

It’s a real and valid reply, but it’s a terrible one. It’s so hard for someone to reply back to that–– but you’re testing his perseverance. If he finds something to say back, it might just prove one more thing to you. That he might actually be interested, and someone worth talking to.

BB: sorry i lead with my baggage, I’m a fucking mess

You: *a confident fucking mess

BB: thank you 😇 (angel emoji)

You: don’t worry about it, I’ve seen worse

You laugh darkly to yourself. I’ve been worse.

BB: hahahaha thanks. Ok. But all that aside… real talk now. Can I ask you about the dog in your photo now?

You hate to admit that your lips curled into a smile, as you hastily type back.

Your coffee was half drank and cold by now. The YouTube video you were supposed to be watching has moved onto part two.

You eyes are still scanning your text screen, waiting to see those three bouncing dots at the bottom left hand corner.

He’s not the worst–– and at most, even if this turns out to be fake, this is just your Sunday morning entertainment. Nothing more and nothing less. These are just insignificant texts that will probably lead to a few lost days, or mediocre sex at best.

So, whatever, right?

MONDAY MORNING

BB: good morning! ☀️ (sun emoji)

You: well you sure get up early. Good morning

BB: Haha, I like to start the week as soon as i can. Do you drink coffee or tea in the morning?

You: coffee most days. You?

BB: i drink tea, darling

You: yeah that’s probably better for you haha. Less expensive too.

BB: mhm, definitely cheaper if you come over and i make you a cup

You: wow, the flirting starts the second the sun is up, huh?

BB: what, still too early?

You: never too early

BB: do you brew the coffee yourself?

You: some mornings. I usually pop into XX Cafe midday if i can.

BB: catch you there? 😂 (laughing emoji) nah, i’ll have to check the place out. I don’t know this area too well.

You: i guess if you can find me! I’m usually in and out pretty fast. Got places to be you know? Hm, did you just move here?

BB: yeah, i got settled in about a week ago

You: staying long?

BB: long enough

You: oh ha ha. Seriously not suspicious at all

BB: yeah I’m in town for a month or two. I’m getting away from work and stress for a minute

You: and you chose here?

BB: quiet enough for me. 😌 (smiley face) and you’re here so that’s a plus

You: relentless

BB: and nothing less.

MONDAY EVENING

BB: you haven’t seen that series? You’re crazy

You: whaaat! It’s not my thing. AND i don’t have time for it

BB: it’s a masterpiece, come on! Who doesn’t like laughing? It’s funny! You’ll like it

You: you’re gonna owe me a drink if don’t like it

BB: I’ll gladly buy you one right now if that’s what it takes to get you to watch it

You: ugh, i guess if you recommend it i can tryyyy…

BB: you won’t regret it!

You: ugh you are so annoying. What are you up to right now?

BB: reading emails and talking to you

You: haha what’s so important that you’re reading an email at like 11. Gotta turn on that “do not disturb” dude

BB: I can’t mute the work stuff, unfortunately

You: so if i called you over tonight you wouldn’t be able to? “Because of work?”

BB: you serious? I’m only taking serious offers right now

You: No! It’s monday. Can’t indulge you that early in the week

BB: what a shame. I’d drop it in a heartbeat for you

You: Nice to know

BB: I’ve got a feeling that I shouldn’t have told you that (laughing emoji)

You: 😈 (devil emoji)

TUESDAY MORNING

BB: good morning!

You: hey! I remembered I had some tea back at my apartment so… just wanted to let you know you had an impact on my day 🙄😊 (eye roll emoji and smiley face emoji)

BB: I could still make a better cup for you 😘 (kissy face emoji)

You: right. What do you have planned today?

BB: hmm, I’m heading out to the gym. Then I might explore the city a bit. Bump into me?

You: well, I don’t know if I could recognize you even if i wanted to

BB: you’ll recognize me

You: haha, okay? Wait, do I know you? –– if this is a prank…

BB: it’s not!

You: .. that wouldn’t be cool.

BB: it’s not a prank! There’s just a lot of things I can’t tell you just yet. It’d be a lot easier if we were able to meet up in person.

You: why?

BB: I’m pretty private. It’s really hard for me to just… share certain things with you. But I want to! SO badly! I just can’t send you a whole picture of my face. It’s complicated.

You: Sorry? I don’t get it.

BB: Ahhhh. This is going to sound so bad. I trust you, like as a person. But also I can’t trust you. If you meet me–– you’ll understand why. I’m sorry.

You: Okay…? And you have to understand that this sounds absolutely batshit to me, right? Like it’s pretty hard to trust you like this.

BB: yeah I know. I’m sorry. I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me. But honestly, it’s nice to be able to talk to you like this and I hope we can continue to chat. I really do like you.

You: … That is really unfair.

BB: I know! I’m sorry. Give me another day or two–– i have a few things to figure out but, I SWEAR i’m not lying to you. I promise it’ll make sense soon

You: well, if you promise you’re not a creep….

BB: I’m not!

You: and that you’re not using me as a replacement for your ex

BB: I won’t!

You: you are SO lucky i’m patient

BB: and kind. And beautiful. And amazing.

You: you’re pushing it, blurry boy. I just need you to realize how unfair this is.

BB: I do. And I know. I’m sorry.

You: what are you looking for here? With me or with anyone you would have met from the app?

BB: a home away from home

You: yeah i read that in your bio. What does that mean?

BB: I’m looking for someone I can spend time with and trust with my whole heart

You: ha ha

BB: I’m serious. It’s hard to find.

You: you’re a real romantic, that’s for sure

TUESDAY EVENING

You: you have a DOG and you didn’t tell me?

BB: what, you’re not interested in the fact that I have younger twin brothers and another 8 years younger than me? ‘Always about Tessa

You: obviously! Send a pic!

BB:

You: is this from right now?

BB: nah, something I took ages ago. I had to leave her back home with my family.

You: aww, that’s too bad.

BB: would you come over if she were here?

You: Duh! And I guess you’d have to make me a cup.

BB: sounds lovely. Let’s make it a date

You: ha ha. You miss home?

BB: More than you know. I travel A LOT

You: well, call back often! They would be happy to know you miss them! Loneliness is not a great feeling.

BB: I do, all the time! And definitely not a good feeling. So, it’s really nice to talk to you. Thank you.

You: Sorry, I’m not a very great conversational partner. But still happy to hear that

BB: You are. You’re still here

You: You are too.

BB: You already mean a lot to me

You: Have you been in many relationships? (Or hookups idk)

BB: No, and not really. I’ve only been in a handful of long-term relationships

You: Interesting

BB: What?

You: Just wondering if you are really catching feelings for me

BB: Guilty. You?

You: I don’t think I know enough about you to catch anything. No offense 😬😅(cringe emoji, laughing emoji)

BB: Ha, no. I meant if you’ve been in many relationships?

You: Oh! Sorry. A few of either. Did long-term once. Didn’t work out, obviously–– so here I am. That’s that.

BB: Guess we both have a past to bury

You: Please don’t say anything about “burying yourself into my pussy to feel better”

BB: WHAT. I wasn’t even thinking about that. That’s all you 👀

You: Hey, you’ve been pretty quick all the other times, bud.

BB: If I tell you I want more than just sex, does that make you feel better?

You: It makes me think about the fact that you still want to have sex with me

BB: And I can’t deny that 😊 (smiley blushy face emoji)

WEDNESDAY MORNING:

BB: Good morning!

You: Morning! Little later than usual–– sleeping in?

BB: Yeah, since I can afford to. You replied quicker than usual. Were you waiting for me? 😉 (wink emoji)

You: Haha, you wish. I was already on my phone, stud.

BB: Right, right. I can tell you like to play hard to get

You: No I don’t!

BB: 😂 (laughing emoji)

You: I don’t!

BB: Wow, feels great to finally have something to hold over you

You: I hate you 🙄 (eye roll emoji)

BB: Have a nice day, love 😊🌈(smiley face, rainbow emoji)

PING!

“BB? Who is bb?” Liza asks you on Wednesday evening after seeing a notification pop up on your phone. She grabs it off the sticky cafe table and looks at you with her pretty head tilted.

Oh––

You wiggle your jaw, and raise your brows,

“No one important.”

You take your phone back and open the message discreetly. It’s nothing special, you’re sure, but you have to look.

BB: so have you seen the last episode yet????? Hello??

“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone!” She pleads, putting down the drink in her hands. You were at the mall, idly walking and taking a short break. She looks at you pointedly, eyes darting around your face for any spot of weakness, as she quietly whines, “You didn’t tell us anything about this…”

“It’s because I’m not––” You offer, nodding. You flip your phone upside down as the message lights up again. “–– seeing anyone.”

She gives you a squinted look of total disbelief.

You’ve been messaging “Blurry Boy” nonstop for the past few days. First you talked about nothing, and now you’re asking each other about how your day was going and what you’re doing now, and what you’re doing later.

You always find something. Your phone is constantly by your side, sound on.

And there’s a layer of real time now, now that you’ve gotten to know him and his schedule better.

You learn that he has his own cute dog name Tessa and that his family fosters dogs back home, and that he’s the oldest, with twin brothers and a younger one he’s been trying desperately to relate to. You find out that his favorite color is black and that he’s in deep shit for stealing his best friend’s fav hoodie. All of this makes him feel like someone you know, someone you could call a friend.

He feels like more than just some guy you’ve talked to waaaay too long from Tinder.

And what’s worse, is that he knows certain things about you too. He knows that you don’t like sleeping in the dark and that you’re borderline addicted to iced coffee. That you like rewatching old romcoms and classic spooky movies… That your back hurts from work and that you have a fucking dentist appointment on Thursday.

You know a lot more about each other than less. And that’s kinda really fucking weird.

“You’re always smiling at your phone,” Liza says flatly, picking her drink back up to take a long and loud sip. Major side-eye. “‘Fess up.”

“No, I’m not!” You say through your teeth, trying to not smile. But under her stare you melt and crack under pressure.

You keep telling yourself that you’ll stop replying–– that he’s super sus and this isn’t going anywhere. But… you just keep texting him back.

“It’s nothing, seriously.”

“Let me see,” she pouts. “Pleeeease.” She flaps her hands at you, wriggling her fingers.

“No!”

Even though you know that it’s a losing game with her, you try to put up a fight, turning away and holding your phone tightly. You have onlookers now from the squealing, kicking and creaking chairs.

You give in after a minute.

You hand your phone in defeat as you readjust yourselves. You clear your throat.

“Okay, okay. But this is like, not serious at all, okay.” You rationalize as you show her the pictures you had screenshot and saved from him. “I barely know him.”

Barely! You’ve chanted that in your head over and over. Not enough to know if you want to get to know him, or what to drop him. That’s the purgatory you’ve been living in.

Liza is uncharacteristically quiet as she scrolls up and down the chats and flips through the pictures. Her hair covers whatever expression she’s making.

That makes you nervous, and you start babbling.

“Yeah, I mean. I don’t think he’s real or anything–– It’s just for fun and it’s whatever. I don’t even care.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She freezes on a picture of him. The one where you can see a part of his smile and a crinkled eye. She zooms in and pauses again.

“Babe?” Her voice is cautious and slow. God. You don’t want to hear what she has to say next with this tone of voice…

“Hm?” You attempt to perk up, hiding the fact that you just gulped with nerves. It feels like you’re holding something sour in your mouth.

I don’t like this...

“So, he seems like a super nice guy and all but…” She speaks gingerly and wide eyed.

“But what?” You feel yourself recoil.

As much as you talk a big game… it would still hurt to have this illusion shattered. This self-inflicted fantasy. You don’t want her to keep going.

But you can guess what’s coming next.

...

“I… I think he’s using pictures of Tom Holland.”

…

Wait…...

What?!

A.N: WAH! she’s back!! well, as much as she can be. haha i know i have a million things always running at the same time but... i really will just ride the wave of inspiration as it comes.... that’s all i can do. anyway, hope you like this series! it’s going to be an exploration of starting new relationships in your young adulthood–– and how to handle be “The one” after “The One.” it’ll be a good time.

Thank you guys for reading! Please like, comment and reblog :) You’re all amazing.

Much Love,

Madmadmilk 💫

** i do NOT keep up with a taglist. track #one after the one to keep up with the updates, or check out my masterlist! thanks!

#WAH #i'm laughing at the photos bro lol i might change them but i don't have time right now hahahaha #one after the one #tom holland #tom holland fic #tom holland imagine #tom holland blurb #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland reader #tom holland you #tom holland fics #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland imagines #tom holland writing #tom holland story #madmadmilk #OATO

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ladyteacups · 4 years

Text

Experienced Part 2

GIF NOT MINE

Summary: It’s been two months since that night and Y/N decides to spite Bucky she’s gonna make him jealous.

Warnings: smut, jealousy, crude words, breeding kink

A/N: As commanded. It’s a bit rushed. I didn’t have much time but ya know what, that’s fine. Be kind, I’m fragile.

Fuck you Bucky Barnes.

It had been two months since their little rendezvous, and Y/N hadn’t heard anything from him. It was radio silence on her end. She left his room that morning with hope. He was gentlemanly enough. Walked her to the door and kissed her goodbye. So what the hell.

She tried to understand. He was older. She estimated he had 10+ years on her. But it didn’t make her feel better.

She gave up waiting for him after two weeks. If he hadn’t called yet, then he wasn’t going to. She’d seen “He’s just not that into you” plenty enough to know that much.

Her run ins with him at the tower were practically nothing. He wouldn’t even acknowledge her. That stung. Knowing how forgettable she was. It was a major blow to her confidence.

Nat tried to convince her otherwise but it was awkward talking with her about it. Y/N knew there was some kind of history there, even if she didn’t know exactly what.

“He’s just confused. Give him time.”

“For a month Nat? That’s not confusion, that’s a clear message.”

Facing Peter had been worse. Danny had been right. She should not have accepted that date. Y/N hated the look on his when she had to tell him she wasn’t interested. She wished she was. Y/N wished she liked Peter as more than a friend, he just wasn’t her type.

After that first month she had promised herself she would forget Bucky Barnes. And at the time she really meant that. Honest.

Now, she was cursing his name as she watched him chat up some women on the other side of the room.

Fuck, she hated these parties. That wasn’t true, but she’d make an exception for this one.

Damn he looked good. His hair was freshly cut. He now sported a short cut with a full beard. He looked so yummy she nearly started crying again at his rejection.

Peter slid onto the bar stool next to her and followed her gaze. Y/N wished on nothing that she could disappear right now. Please, just let the floor swallow her up.

“Why don’t you make him jealous.”

It wasn’t a question, and it had her looking at him with wide eyes.

“What?”

“Make him jealous.” He sipped his jack and coke like he didn’t just say that.

“He wouldn’t be jealous Peter, but thanks for the advice.”

“He keeps looking at you, and you look like a damn bombshell.” He stated it like fact and shrugged. “He’ll me jealous. Especially if you pick the right man.”

“Who would that be? You?” She crossed her arms.

He laughed, “no way, I have a girlfriend.”

Now that caught her off guard. When did Peter get a girlfriend?

“Someone he finds a challenge. Can’t be Steve, they’re best friends. Cap would never touch his girl.”

Y/N blinked at this. His girl?

“Tony and Clint are both married. Sam is a bit too much of a flirt. You wanna make him jealous not a murderer.”

She laughed, and Pete smiled at her.

“Natasha’s a friend of yours, he’d see right through that. Vis and Wanda are off limits.”

She gave him a wicked smile. She knew exactly where he was going with this, and she loved it.

“But Thor’s in town.”

He was right. Thor would be perfect. Tall and masculine. A god. He’d set any man alight with jealousy without needing to flirt with their girlfriends. If anyone could make Bucky jealous, it would be Thor. And that’s how she ended up sitting in Thor’s lap while he rubbed her knee.

“Is he looking?” she whispered in his ear and he chuckled. It was the tenth time she asked.

“It really is a team effort to get you two together.”

Y/N gave him a look and saw him glance up momentarily.

“Yes.”

“Good,” she answered, and ran her hand up his arm, feeling the tight muscle underneath his skin.

“Does he look mad?”

“Why don’t you just talk to him?”

“He avoids me.” She huffed.

Thor nodded. “If you break his legs he can’t leave.”

Y/N threw her head back and laughed. “That’s fucked up Thor.”

She felt the chuckle rumble through his chest.

She couldn’t help looking in Bucky’s direction. He wasn’t there. A quick search around found him slipping out the door and he was gone. Well that ended that.

Y/N sighed. She had spent most of the night with Thor. Dancing and giving him fake and real giggles. Touching his arm, whispering in his ear. All for nothing. Bucky didn’t care. She stood and bid everyone goodnight. She kissed Thor’s cheek in a thank you. Told Peter and Ned bye, and went to her own room. The sliver of hope she had that Bucky would change his mind flew out the window and she flipped it off as it went.

Fuck you Bucky Barnes.

“Did you have fun with Thor last night? Hope he didn’t mind how much I stretched you out.” Bucky drank his coffee behind her and she lowered her brows in anger.

What did he just say? Oh no, she would show him.

Y/N turned. “Don’t worry about that, he got good use outta my mouth. I even begged him to use my ass too. Just can’t get enough of that man.”

Bucky looked mad. Whew did he look mad! Y/N hid her slight grin as she turned to finish her own cup.

He was behind her in no time, gripping her hair, his lips at her ear.

“Did he fuck your tits too Y/N? Did you let him taste you? Did he take you into the shower when he finished just to do it all again?”

She moved to shove him away but he grabbed her hand and pulled her closer. He leaned in and brushed his lips against her cheek, then her ear. “Do you remember that night Y/N? When I had you begging beneath me, and filled you to the brim with my cock?”

She tried desperately to suppress the groan. Because of course she remembered. It played over in her mind on a loop. The way his hips bruised hers. His tongue dancing across her clit… How could she not remember?

“I know you do sweetheart. Look,” he took her chin in his hand and looked in her eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t call or,” he paused. “I’m sorry I was such a dick to you after okay? It’s different with you. It’s so easy to let you in. To spill my secrets, and I don’t want you to see the things I’ve hidden. I’m not a good guy honey. I’ve done terrible things and you’re far too sweet for me. The thought of corrupting you makes me harder than you’d believe. That alone should scare you away.”

Y/N’s breathing was heavy. He’s such an idiot.

“It’s damn near impossible to resist you.” He inhaled deeply. “Especially when you wear that damn perfume that makes me crazy.” His nose traced her jaw, down her neck. “I can’t stay away, unless you tell me to. I won’t do it anymore” He gripped her arm.

She felt a light kiss against her neck. The same neck he held with his strong hand just two months ago.

“I still jerk off to the picture of us. To the memory of how you look when you cum.”

Bucky pulled her hips closer so they rested against his erection. She gasped.

“Tell me to go, or let me fuck him outta your head.”

She didn’t say anything. Didn’t tell him yes, no, or the truth about Thor. She just kissed him. He returned the kiss with a hunger she had never experienced before. He was craving her and she could feel it in more than one way.

She rutted against his erection and heard him growl.

“Not here Bucky.” She gasped out between kisses. “Take me to bed.”

He did so happily. Letting her wrap her legs around his waist.

“I’m sorry.” He said again as he dropped her on his bed. “You deserve better than me baby.”

“Then be better, and call me in the morning.”

He nodded sadly. She could see the regret in his eyes. Leaning up she grabbed his hand and pulled him over her.

He kissed her deeply and she felt everything that he wanted to say.

Bucky pulled her shirt over her head and stared down at her as he took in her bare chest.

“Still so damn beautiful.”

His eyes took in her belly and he growled.

“Did he cum in you, huh? Did you let him fill your womb?”

She didn’t answer and he narrowed his eyes. He yanked her sleep shorts down her legs and tore her panties from her body.

“Doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’m gonna have you so thoroughly bred, there will be no question about who’s kid it is.”

He flipped her over so her ass was in the air and she squealed when he bit her ass right over her birthmark.

She lifted herself on her hands and looked at him over her shoulder. Her look of surprise made him crack up in laughter.

“Don’t give me that look sugar, you can’t tempt me with your sexy ass and expect me to do nothing.”

“You’re the one who tossed me around to look at it!” He only laughed again. She wanted to smack him but then he stared taking his shirt off.

Fuck. He’s so hot.

“Lay down.”

She did as he commanded and watched as he jerked his heavy cock in his hand.

“Did you rub your pretty pussy to the thought of me?”

He looked up at the ceiling above his bed, where the picture from the carnival hung and smiled at her.

“Every time I see it I think of how you tasted.” He quickened the pace of his hand, his breathing getting quicker.

“Tell me. Did you touch yourself and moan my name as you came?”

“Yes,” Y/N gasped at the sight of his length, fully hard and ready for her lips.

“Show me.”

Her heart was beating so hard and fast she wondered momentarily if this was a heart attack. Her hand moved slowly down her stomach to her heat. Two fingers coated themselves in her wetness and rubbed against her slit. She looked from his cock to his face, to see he was watching her hand just as she was watching his.

“Bucky,” she whispered as she lightly touched her clit. She wet the rest of her two fingers and inserted them into her opening. Her other hand touched and squeezed her breasts. Bucky’s groan spurred her on. She bit her lip, cursing as she thrust her fingers inside herself and watched him jerk is cock.

He let her fuck herself for a moment longer. Just a moment. Then he grabbed her hand and popped her fingers into his mouth.

“Just like I remember,” he said quietly.

He hadn’t even dropped her hand before she wrapped her lips around his length.

“Fuck baby.”

Y/N bobbed her head and swirled her tongue on his cock. She took more and more, gagging and choking on him, but the sounds he made were heaven and she couldn’t stop. She wanted to find every spot that would make him moan and learn how to flick her tongue to make him curse.

He was close, she could tell, with the way he pleaded and pulled her hair.

Y/N lifted her mouth off of him and opened her mouth as she jerked his cock, ready to swallow his load.

He pulled away, refusing to let himself cum just yet. He took a minute to walk it off before he came back to her.

“Spread your fucking legs for me doll face. I’m getting inside there right fucking now.” It was almost a growl and sent a fresh wave of arousal to her center.

She did as she was told and spread herself for him. He positioned himself between her thighs and lined up at her entrance.

“I didn’t sleep with Thor.”

He paused.

“I wanted to make you jealous. I didn’t sleep with him.”

Bucky nodded and pushed into her down to the hilt.

“Fuck!” she held onto his shoulder.

“Still tight as a fucking virgin.”

All she could say was his name as he started thrusting into her. She gripped the sheets, her chest heaving and her body shaking under him.

“I want you pregnant before you leave my bed. You hear me? You gonna give me a baby Y/N?”

“Yes! As many as you want Bucky.”

“That’s what I like to hear angel. Fuck! This cunt was made for my cock. Made to take my fucking cum.”

He was insatiable. His thrusts were fast and hard, making her squeal in delight beneath him. He flipped them over and she didn’t miss a beat. She rode him like she was born to do it. She was determined to force the orgasm out of him. Determined to take his cum just like he promised.

“God Bucky it feels so good.”

“I know baby. Gonna make me cum just watching your tits bounce.”

He leaned up taking a nipple in his mouth and she moaned.

When he fell back again she grabbed his hand and held it to her throat. He gripped it, giving her what she wants. He loved seeing her take what she wanted. The way she grinded against him was so sexy he tried to commit it to memory.

“Bucky I’m gonna cum.”

He flipped them again and threw her legs over his shoulder as he pounded into her.

“Cum baby, all over my cock.”

She came with a shout of his name but he didn’t slow his pace, chasing his own orgasm and letting it rock through his body as he painted her womb.

“Atta girl,” he praised as they both came down from their shared high.

He didn’t pull out of her, only rolled so she was laying on his chest. He relaxed against the pillow.

When their breathing returned to normal, she rolled off of him and lay next to him, letting him rub her belly.

“I can’t wait to see you grow with my baby in there.”

“Are you still gonna think I’m sexy when I’m the size of a whale.”

He laughed. “Gets me hard just thinking about it.”

Sure enough she felt his cock twitch next to her leg and she smiled.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah doll?” His eyes were closed. He looked so serene. She almost felt bad interrupting with her question.

“What’s the tattoo for?”

He looked down at the bird on his arm, and tugged her closer. “It’s for my sister.”

She smiled and kissed his pec. “That’s sweet.”

He opened one eye and looked at her. “Come on sugar. Let’s do that again.”

He rolled onto her again and she squealed with laughter.

“Now, didn’t you say something about using your ass?”

“Fuck you Bucky Barnes.”

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #winter soldier #winter soldier smut #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier imagine #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel smut

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yehet-about-it · 4 years

Text

BEST FRIENDS AND BANANAS: A SERIES OF AWKWARD EVENTS | Semester I Part 24 - Bathroom Encounters

|| Masterlist || < Prev || Next >

~ An NCT Dream x Wayv College AU Social Media Series ~

Updates @ 7pm GMT/1pm CST Monday, Wednesday & Saturday (3AM+1 KST)

Semester I Synopsis: It’s your junior year at college and it’s been over a year since you were in a relationsip, but luckily you’re not short of men to choose from. Your best friends are 6 rowdy boys (aka the dreamies) and your favourite girl Jiwon, but what happens when a fleeting romance with a handsome senior leads to big changes in your relationships?

Pairings: Jaemin x Reader, Best Friend!Renjun x Reader, Hendery x Reader, Choi San x Reader

Genre: College AU, Fluff, Comedy, Light smut in some parts

Warnings: SMUT! This part is 18+. It's not toooo explicit but it contains sexual content so if you're uncomfortable with it don't read! It's not actually vital to the story but gives a little more context for something mentioned in the next section so it's perfectly okay to just skip this part, you won't miss out on any plot! Swearing, mentions of sex, casual + drunk sex, drinking/alcohol

~ Clara x

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Psst. Renjun!”

Your voice was quiet against the noise of the party, but just about audible enough for your best friend to hear as he wove his way through the drunken people scattered about the landing. “Renjun!” you said again. Stopping to look where the voice came from, Renjun turned towards the bathroom door, from which your head was currently peaking out, a surprised look on his face as you peered out at him. Before he had chance to respond, you grabbed his hand, yanking him into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

“Y/n- what are you doing?” Renjun asked, bewildered, as you hopped up to sit on the counter. “I’m hiding!” you whispered somewhat unnecessarily, now being sealed away in the bathroom. Renjun gave you a blank look. “Why?” he asked, as you looked down at him with big doey eyes, a little glassy from the 3 cups of punch you’d consumed earlier in the night. “Lucas and Hendery. They keep being really weird and flirty.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Renjun replied.

“I mean REALLY flirty, I didn’t know what to do!” Renjun chuckled at you and sighed.“Do they need a talking to?” he asked, moving from his position by the door to stand directly in front of you. You looked at him sympathetically. “No offence Renjun, but I don’t think you could take them on... They’re both older and bigger than you. But anyway, no they’re fine, just stay in here with me for a bit, maybe they’ll lose interest.” Renjun scoffed at your implication but let it slide since after all, it was true. He wasn’t exactly large, he was more the small but feisty type.

“I’m not sure they will,” he said teasingly, placing his hands gently on your knees. You deflated a little at his words pouting, and as if to respond Renjun began rubbing comforting little circles on your knees. As nice as it was to be getting attention, Lucas and Hendery’s flirtations were a little much for you, especially since you’d barely spoken to either of them before, and you didn’t really want to have to spend the entire rest of the night hiding out in the bathroom avoiding them. You let out a little groan of frustration.

“Ughh, whyyy?” you whined. Renjun smiled, a glint in his eye. “Probably because you’re easily the prettiest girl here,” he said, making a hot pink flush creep up your cheeks. Renjun had told you you were pretty plenty of times before, as any best friend should, but in your current position his words felt a lot more intimate than they ought to. “I- I don’t think so,” you stuttered, looking down to where Renjun’s hands connected with your bare knees, your hair hanging down around your face hiding your pink cheeks. “Well I think so, and I imagine half the people at this party do too.” You looked up at Renjun’s admission, locking eyes with his as your heart hammered in your chest. Why was he making you feel like this? Surely his words were just those of a best friend psyching you up, but you couldn’t help the warmth now spreading through your body.

“Y-you do?” You murmured, as your thighs relaxed slightly, slipping open a little ushering Renjun to stand flush against the counter between them. “Mhh,” Renjun hummed in confirmation. As your thighs had parted, Renjun’s hands slipped a little higher onto your thighs gently curving across the top and sides, but applying just a bit of pressure to send a tingling up to your core. As silence took over you became all the more aware of where his hands touched you and your mind was taken back to the weekend two weeks prior and how Renjun had gripped your thighs as he roughly fucked into you. Your breathing became shaky as you felt yourself becoming more aroused, Renjun’s hands burning against your skin, his face now no more than 10 inches from your own.

For all you knew, you could’ve been the only one feeling the intense sexual tension in the room, but right now that was a risk you were willing to take. You didn’t know whether it was the alcohol flowing through your system or you were just going crazy, but the next thing you knew your hands had moved from the counter, and were looping around Renjun’s neck, pulling him down into a hungry kiss. Renjun kissed back almost immediately, his hands moving from your thighs to grip your waist, pulling your body forward to meet his, your arousal only intensifying as his pelvis pressed against your sweet spot. He dominated the kiss, taking every opportunity to nip and tug at your bottom lip, eliciting what he thought were the most delightful groans from you and you whined when he finally pulled away leaving your lips red and swollen.

As you both tried to catch your breath, Renjun’s hands massaged the flesh of your butt through your skirt, your core involuntarily clenching at the sensation. You both seemed a little stunned as you looked at each other but neither of you wanted to stop. In a flash, Renjun attached his lips to your neck, sucking little red marks all over your skin as his fingers dug into your ass. You let out soft breathy moans as his lips assaulted your collar over and over again, your neck being one of your most sensitive spots. Given the amount of attention he was paying to the particular area you wondered had he remembered from last time? Or perhaps he just had a thing about necks; either way it felt incredible.

When his face emerged from the crook of your neck you looked up at him, mouth agape and were met with his dark eyes staring down at you. These were not his usual soft kind eyes. These eyes were filled with lust. They were eyes that wanted to devour you.

“Renjun...” you breathed shakily.That seemed to flip a switch in him because suddenly he was tugging your hips forward and pushing your skirt up, exposing just enough of your panties for him to see how wet you were. A knowing smirk appeared on Renjun’s face. “You’re so wet y/n,” he teased, tracing a finger up the front of your panties, grazing over your sensitive bud. “Do I turn you on?” He leaned in to whisper in your ear, as his fingers pushed the damp material aside to feel just how much of an effect he’d had on you. You whimpered as his fingers teased you. All you could manage was a nod in response, too embarrassed by your obvious arousal over your best friend to say anything. Renjun rewarded you with a trail of kisses along your jaw as his fingers worked their way to your entrance, but just as he was about to enter you he stopped still. “This is okay right?” he asked, looking at you earnestly. The two of you might’ve been charged up on lust, alcohol and adrenaline, but Renjun wasn’t stupid enough not to ask for consent before you did anything you might regret. You paused for a second, the realisation hitting you that you were about to do the unspeakable with your best friend once again, but in that moment, it didn’t matter. You wanted him.

You nodded quickly, desperate for that bit of friction where you most needed it. Renjun smiled, placing a kiss on your nose, before reaching further under your skirt to pull your panties down. You lifted your hips to assist him and as soon as they were off, his hands were on your thighs, pushing them apart to give him better access. Then he brought his hand back to your core, circling your little bud a few more times before pushing into you, your head rolling back as you gasped at the feeling.

The next few minutes were a blur of pleasure as he fucked you with his fingers, moving down as you started to get close to use his tongue on you too.“Oh my god!” you yelped several minutes later as you reached your climax, your juices running down Renjun’s fingers to his palm, your own hands clawing at the edge of the counter for purchase. “Good girl” Renjun cooed pushing you through your orgasm. You breathed heavily, leaning back on your arms as Renjun withdrew his fingers from you, holding your back with his other hand to support you. “Open,” he said, holding his fingers up to your lips. You fulfilled his wishes, parting your lips to taste yourself and clean his fingers of your arousal. He may have just fucked you but this was by far the most erotic thing he’d done yet. You moaned around his fingers, licking the last of your mess off before he removed them, placing his hands back on your hips.

“You liked that?” Renjun whispered as he leaned his forehead against yours, his hands moving up and down your waist, soothing you in the aftermath of your orgasm.

“Yes,” you whimpered, feeling a little bashful after having just come for your best friend. Your intimate moment however was shattered as you heard the rattle of the door handle and someone knocking loudly.

“Jesus will you hurry up?! You’ve been in here ages. Other people need to pee too you know!” You heard an irate voice from the other side of the door. Your eyes widened. Perhaps the bathroom at a house party wasn’t the best place to have had this particular exchange. “Oops” Renjun said, smirking as he helped you down from the counter. The door banged again. “ONE SECOND!” You yelled back as you hurried to put your panties back on and Renjun set about washing his hands.

A few seconds later you emerged from the bathroom, Renjun in tow, only to see Jisung standing right out side. “Oh. Sorry Jisung.” you said, praying that he hadn’t overheard your encounter. Luckily though, the noise of the party seemed to have drowned out any of the sounds you’d made. “Jesus what were you two doing in there? I’ve been waiting for ages” Jisung grumbled, giving you a curious look. “Just hiding!” you chirped not wanting to seem suspicious. “Right well next time hide somewhere other than the bathroom. I’ll see you in a minute, I really have to pee,” he said, pushing past you and slamming the door. You looked at Renjun and immediately saw the relieved expression on his face making you burst into laughter. “Come on dork, let’s go find Jeno.”

Taglist: @patchi-chi @classic-antifood @stopitvpls @arimeetsevil @strayteezjinnie @colpen @yuuuumiiin @aka-minhyuk-kun @mxrcayong

Message or reply to post to be added to taglist!

#bf&b:nct #yehet-about-it #nct texts #nct social media au #nct college au #nct smut #nct dream texts #nct social media series #nct dream college au #wayv college au #wayv texts #wayv social media au #renjun x reader #reader x renjun #renjun smut #kpop social media au

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omgjasminesimone · 4 years

Text

Cheer

Logan x MC

Follow up to this AU

Word Count: ~3,000

Logan rips the bandage with his teeth, tenderly looping it around Ellie’s knee multiple times. He makes sure it’s tight enough to provide ample support, but not so tight it’s cutting off her circulation. “There, how does that feel?” He asks, placing a gentle kiss to Ellie’s knee before looking up at her from where he’s kneeling on the gym floor.

Ellie tests it out, bending her knee a little. “That feels good, thank you Logan.” She’s about to turn to head back to practice when Logan grips her hand.

“Hey, take it easy out there, alright? You don’t have to go full out every practice.” Logan suggests.

Ellie smiles, looping her arms around his neck. “Aww, are you worried about me?”

Logan’s hands go to her waist, hugging her to him. “Obviously. It’s pretty nerve wracking to watch my girlfriend get thrown around like a rag doll.”

Ellie smirks, absentmindedly playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Well, us real athletes have to do some pretty dangerous stuff. Not all sports are as easy as basketball.” She teases.

Logan frowns and pulls away from her a little, but he’s not doing a very good job of looking believably upset. “Well damn, way to make me feel bad about myself. And so soon after Canyon Crest not making it to the State Championships too. You can be so cruel. Good thing you’re so pretty.” He teases right back.

Ellie would have continued with their flirty banter, but the star crossed couple is interrupted. “Logan! If you keep distracting one of my most important flyers, I’m banning you from coming to practice. We’re trying to win a national title here!” Ellie’s cheer coach yells.

“Yes ma’am! Sorry about that, won’t happen again!” Logan yells back apologetically, getting to his feet. “You got me in trouble.” He quietly, and playfully, complains to Ellie.

She smiles at him. “I’ll make it up to you later.”

Logan grins, pulling her to him for a quick kiss. “I’m holding you to that troublemaker.”

“Ellie!” Her coach yells again.

“Coming!” She quickly replies, scurrying back over to the squad to keep working on the pyramid.

...

A week later in Orlando, Ellie is still distracted at a Logan free practice session. “Come on, stick it!” The coach yells as Ellie is tossed up onto the bases’ hands. Ellie wobbles, tightening her core to try to save it, but ultimately crumbles down to the ground.

“Oh my god, I told you not to replace Gia with Ellie.” Ingrid complains. “She’s about to cost us Nationals!”

Ellie never expected to make mat for the biggest cheerleading event of the year, and she certainly wasn’t expecting to be made a flyer, one of the most challenging and revered roles. But when Gia broke her leg after over flipping on a basket toss, it just made sense to give the spot to Ellie. Ellie is tiny and easy to lift, she works hard, and her technical skills are unbelievable for someone who’s been cheering less than a year.

But now, with only 2 days before the competition, the pressure is starting to get to her. Ellie doesn’t want to let anyone down. The squad has been working for months, for this two and a half minute performance that has to be perfect.

“Where is your head at Ellie?! You never drop this much. I took a big chance on you, because I believed in you. And right now, I’m starting to question my judgement.” Their coach critiques. Ellie fights back tears, nodding to show she’s listening. The coach turns her attention to the group. “Take 5. I want better attitudes from everyone when you come back in here.”

Ellie practically runs out of the gym, heading straight for her phone in the locker room. She sniffles as she dials Logan’s number from memory, leaning against the locker.

“Hey troublemaker, how’s Orlando?” He asks, sounding happy to hear from her.

“Logan.” Ellie replies, voice already breaking.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Logan immediately switches to comfort mode.

Ellie starts to cry as she explains that she’s not hitting any of her stunts. That she’s barely throwing her full. That she doesn’t think she can do it.

“Ellie.” Logan interjects when she finally lets him get a word in. “Everyone knows that you can do it besides you. You have to believe in yourself. That’s all it is babe.” He sighs. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

More tears well in her eyes as she tries to take in his sweet words. “I miss you.” She mumbles, rubbing at her eyes to try to keep her tears at bay.

“I miss you too. And I love you. You can definitely do this Ellie, so go back to practice and kill it.”

“I love you too, and I’ll try.” Ellie promises.

Practice goes a lot better after her Logan pep talk. Ellie is always amazed at how effectively he can instill confidence in her, even from over 2,000 miles away.

She’s feeling a lot better by the time she heads back to the room she’s sharing with Riya. And Ellie’s mood brightens considerably when she opens the door, and finds Logan sitting on the bed.

“Surprise trouble- humph.” He’s cut off when she tackles him onto the bed, kissing him soundly.

It’s several long moments before she can tear herself away. “What are you doing here?!” She questions.

Logan smiles, his hands coming up to rest just under her cheerleading skirt, squeezing her thighs. “Like I’d miss your big competition.”

“But what about school?” The cheerleaders all have permission to miss a couple of days for the competition. She doubts Logan has any such agreement over at Canyon Crest.

“Troublemaker, we’ve got like 3 more weeks until we graduate. I doubt they’re going to rescind my Langston offer for missing a couple of classes where we’re most likely just watching movies.”

“You never know though. You worked so hard to get your grades up to qualify for that Langston basketball scholarship. I’d hate to see all that go to waste.” Ellie insists.

Before Ellie, Logan didn’t really care about school. He probably would have dropped out if not for basketball. But now, he just wants to be wherever she is. So when he found out Langston was her plan, it became his plan too.

He needed straight As in all his Fall semester classes to raise his GPA enough to meet the Langston athlete minimum. It was hard work, but Logan was motivated. He might not have been serious about school, but he’s sure as hell serious about Ellie Wheeler. It also helped that his beautiful girlfriend is a great tutor.

He’s really looking forward to being at Langston together starting in the Fall. It will be nice to have Ellie cheering for his team, for once.

“If it makes you feel better, I’ll get the assignments from a friend, okay?” He offers.

“Okay.” Ellie readily agrees, resting her head on his chest. She yawns, settling in for a nap. “Wait, are you trying to stay in here? What about Riya?”

Logan gently massages her back, lulling her to sleep. “She’s planning to stay in the room me and Darius are technically splitting.” He reveals.

“Perfect.” Ellie mumbles, almost asleep now. She doubts the Mar Vista Prep athletics program would sanction opposite gender room sharing, so they’ll have to be sneaky. Luckily, the couple has gotten pretty good at sneaking around due to Ellie’s dad forbidding her from dating Logan in the first place. Detective Wheeler has a strict ‘no athletes’ rule Ellie has chosen to ignore.

...

“....are you running through the routine in your head again?” Logan asks, playfully splashing her with salty Atlantic Ocean water.

“Am I that obvious?” Ellie returns, attempting to splash him back, but he weaves. Damn those quick basketball reflexes.

“Yep. I can practically hear you running the counts.” Logan quips, pulling her to him for a kiss.

With only one day left before the competition, their coach has instructed the cheerleaders to take the day off. It’s not worth risking injury when the routine is probably as good as it’s going to get at this point.

They do have a final early morning practice before the competition tomorrow though. And Ellie is determined to have a better showing than at their last practice.

“I’m just a little nervous, so I feel like I can’t relax. Sorry, this probably isn’t the Orlando vacation you wanted.” Ellie apologizes.

“I came to see you. I wanted to cheer on my favorite cheerleader. And to keep you from psyching yourself out because I know how you get.” He concludes with a small smile.

Ellie pouts up at him as he absentmindedly plays with the ties of her bikini bottom. “I’m trying not to get in my head.” Ellie knows how she gets too.

“Would it make you feel better to get some more practice in? I can be your base.” Logan proposes.

Ellie quirks a brow. “You?”

“What? I’ve seen how cheerleading works. I know how to do it.” Logan insists. He turns her around, placing his hands on her hips. He pulls her back a few steps into slightly deeper water, she assumes to break her fall when he no doubt drops her. “Let’s do that one where you go from the ground into Ingrid’s and Riya’s hands.”

“A hand toss cupie.” Ellie corrects.

“Yeah, that. Ready?” Logan replies.

“Ready as I’m gonna be.”

Ellie is expecting a countdown, but Logan throws her high in the air without one. She instinctively tightens up and Logan manages to grip her heel above his head, but that provides basically zero support so she crashes back into the water.

Ellie surfaces, sputtering a little. “Sorry troublemaker. But that wasn’t bad for a first try, huh?”

“Yeah, not bad. I’m actually kind of impressed. You put way too much power in that throw though. It’s supposed to be more of a gentle toss.”

“Noted. I’ll try to tone down my athletic prowess. But if you think about it, this is good practice for college cheer. Those male Langston cheerleaders will probably toss little old you like.....10 feet. Hey, you think I have what it takes to make the Langston cheer squad if the whole basketball thing doesn’t work out?” Logan teases, encouraging her to wrap her legs around his waist as he walks them deeper into the ocean.

“Honestly? I think I have a better chance of making the basketball team.” Ellie retorts with a smirk.

Logan laughs, gently running his thumb in circles on her thigh. “Teach a girl to shoot free throws and suddenly she thinks she runs the world. You’re gonna have to learn to dribble before you make the team babe. Also, your defense could use some work, tiny.”

“Hmm...maybe it would be easier to get you on the cheer squad then.” Ellie continues to play along.

“That’s the spirit! Want to try the cupie again?”

“No, I think I want to make out with my super athletic boyfriend instead.” Ellie buries her hands into the long wet strands of his dark hair.

Logan grins, leaning in close. “That can definitely be arranged.” He murmurs just before capturing her lips.

...

Ellie shakes Logan awake, causing him to groan and try to roll away from her. “Logan, you’ve gotta get up. Riya is coming to do my hair and makeup.” Ellie informs her sleepy boyfriend.

“You want me to leave?” He murmurs, stretching his arms out and yawning.

“No, but you have to put clothes on.” Ellie replies. She’s already dressed in her cheerleading uniform, ready for that early morning practice.

“I can do that.” Logan agrees, reaching down to the floor for his duffel bag. He pulls out some clean clothes, throwing them on.

Ellie quirks a brow when he pulls a Mar Vista Prep t-shirt over his broad shoulders. “Wouldn’t you never be able to live it down if you were photographed in that?”

“I definitely wouldn’t be able to show my face at graduation, but I love you more than I hate Mar Vista.” Logan quips, pulling her back into bed to get his kisses in before he has to worry about ruining her cheer makeup.

Riya arrives much too soon for Logan’s liking, using her key card to enter the room. “Alright, break it up you two. We can’t afford for Ellie to be sore before our big performance.” She insinuates with a grin.

...

Ellie stretches her quads as Mar Vista waits in the wings as Riverview High performs their routine. Ellie is unbelievably nervous. She can’t help but wish she started cheer earlier. Maybe she’d be feeling more confident if this wasn’t her first ever High School Nationals.

She shakes out her arms, and tries to simultaneously shake out her nerves. Things went fairly well during practice, but now, staring out at the large crowd and watching other teams complete their routines flawlessly has Ellie a little bit in her head.

She searches the crowd for Logan. Before she left for practice, he promised her he would be in the front row cheering her on. It takes her a few moments to spot him, standing with Darius in the front row on the left side. He laughs at something Darius says, and Ellie feels herself automatically calm down a little at the familiar sight of his bright smile.

“Okay, Mar Vista, bring it in!” Ingrid yells, bringing Ellie’s attention back to the task at hand. All the cheerleaders put their hands into the circle. “Let’s bring it home, Mar Vista on three. One, two, three!”

“Mar Vista!” The squad choruses, lifting their arms.

Ellie lets out a deep, calming breath. She’s got this.

“And now coming out of Los Angeles, California, Mar Vista Prep!” The announcer introduces. The team walks out to polite applause from the audience, and fervent applause from the Mar Vista alternates, family members in attendance, and Logan and Darius.

Ellie gets into her starting position, taking another deep breath before pasting on her cheer smile. She automatically looks to Logan, who smiles and winks at her. ‘You’ve got this.’ He mouths at her. Ellie’s smile becomes a little more authentic.

Their routine starts with the cheer chants, the easiest required element for the competition. They shout loudly, and in sync, using their poms and signs as they cheer on the Mar Vista Bulldogs as if they’re at a game.

The fast paced dynamic cheer music comes on as they transition to the dance and tumbling section. Ellie takes off across the stage, performing a round off into two back hand springs for momentum before throwing her full. She can feel her rotation is perfect in the air, and she lets out a quick sigh of relief when she lands on her feet and snaps upright, going right into the synchronized jump section.

Ellie can see out of the corner of her eye that everyone’s toe touches and pikes look great. So far, so good. But now, it’s the part everyone is most worried about. The stunts and their big finale pyramid.

Ellie cheer jogs over to her stunt group, placing her hands on Ingrid’s and Riya’s shoulders as they bend to brace her feet when she jumps. She crouches as they rotate so she’s facing the audience, and then back flips when they toss her in the air.

She’s caught, and placed back to the floor. They immediately go into their next stunt, Ellie launching back into the air for a scorpion. Out of the corner of her eye, Ellie sees another stunt group’s bases having to take a couple of small steps to keep their stunt in the air, but she’s relieved to see them recover.

Ellie spins, falling back into Riya’s and Ingrid’s arms. The squad tightens their formation for the final pyramid, and Ellie is placed back on the ground. Ingrid and Riya launch her back into the air for her next trick, and when she’s caught and lifted back up, Ingrid’s grip is absolutely terrible, but Ellie refuses to go down, over correcting in time for another cheerleader to fly overhead and for Ellie to catch her left foot like she’s supposed to.

She releases her teammate’s foot, crouching as Riya and Ingrid carry her further back. “One, two, and up!” Riya counts out, and the bases launch Ellie over the middle of the pyramid. Ellie makes sure to smile brightly into the audience before she flips and is caught by another stunt group.

Ellie winces when the catch is a little off, probably bruising her rib. But there’s no time to worry about that now. There’s just one more stunt standing between her and a perfect Nationals routine.

She’s placed back down so she can jog back to Riya and Ingrid. “Whoo, let’s go Mar Vista!” Ingrid encourages. Everyone knows that if they can pull off this last move, the championship is all their’s due to their increased skill difficulty level.

Ellie launches up into a bow and arrow, drops back into her bases’ hands as they scurry to the pyramid, gets into pyramid position, lifting her foot from Riya’s strong grip to perch on another airborne teammates thigh, and finally another flyer lands on her outstretched leg, Ellie gripping her firmly so she doesn’t fall.

“Bulldogs!” They shout when the pyramid is complete. Ellie is finally able to breathe. Ellie looks out at Logan, who’s whooping and whistling loudly. And in that moment, everything is perfect.

...

Mar Vista knew they won the moment that pyramid hit, but it’s still nice to hear it officially and be awarded a huge golden trophy, as well as individual gold medals.

Ellie hops off the stage into Logan’s waiting arms, giggling when he spins her around. “You’re incredible.” Logan praises, capturing her lips and completely ruining the lipstick Riya had applied so painstakingly.

“How does it feel to be dating a National Champion?” Ellie quips when they finally break apart for air.

“Hmm...kind of indescribable troublemaker. Maybe next year you’ll get to find out.” He kisses her again, burying a hand into her hair so when he pulls away her bow is all askew. “So, what do you want to do next, champion?” He asks.

Ellie smiles. “I’m going to Disney World!”

...

A/N: Things I regret, attempting to write out that cheer routine, and then being too stubborn to cut it after all the googling I had to do. A mess. haha.

taglist: @choicesarehard @brightpinkpeppercorn @regina-and-happiness @drakexnadira @flyawayboo @fairydustandsarcasm @alesana45 @maxwellsquidsuit @god-save-the-keen @mrsmckenziesworld @paisleylovergirl @iplaydrake @sinclaire-made-me-sin @choicesgremlin @lovehugsandcandy @desireepow-1986 @blades-of-light-and-shadow @justdani14 @emceesynonymroll @emichelle @badchoicesposts @client-327 @riverrune @liamzigmichael4ever @princessstellaris @mskaneko @anxious-arliah @zaffrenotes @iam-ankita @ohsnapitzlovehacker @n-whas

#logan x mc #logan rod #choices fanfiction #ride or die

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forgive-me-your-highness · 3 years

Note

the frog hops from the lilypad to question number 1

Planets: Life

Mercury: What’s your full name?

Yobi Ribbit Frosch

Venus: What’s your first language?

Croaking! (English dialect)

Earth: Where’s your home?

I love lily pads but the sun is to hot for me so I like to stay cozy with @humongouspotatoad

Mars: What’s your sexuality?

Lesbian but, still questioning

Jupiter: Do you have any siblings?

Yes! One younger sister

Saturn: Any pets?

So, many. 6 dogs, 4 cats, a bird (soon to be 2), and soon two lovely frogs!

Uranus: What’s your hobby?

I have many, I just don’t stick with them as long as I would hope to

Neptune: When’s your birthday?

In the wonderful green month of March

Pluto: What time is it right now where you are?

11:56pm (as I’m writing this)

Moon: What are you currently studying/hope to study?

Getting gen ed out of the way right now, boring as hell. Not quite sure what I’d like to study yet.

Stars: Experiences

Sun: Have you ever had alcohol?

Yeah

Sirius: Have you ever failed a class?

Oh fuck yeah I have

Rigel: Have you ever gone on a rollercoaster?

I have and was not prepared for that damn loop

Deneb: Have you ever been out of your home country?

Yes! Was a baby though so I don’t remember it

Arcturus: Have you cried out of something other than sadness?

Anger

Betelgeuse: What’s something you can never forget about?

Ah, some hurt feelings from a while ago

Aldebaran: What’s something you care desperately about?

The planet god dammit

Canopus: Have you ever broken a bone?

Nope! Still apart of r/neverbrokenabone

Bellatrix: Have you ever been forced to lie/keep a secret?

Many times

Alphard: Have you ever lost a friend?

Yes as in death. Yes as in simply moving on.

Vega: What’s something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t?

Many, many things.

(I answered the Constellations section for Haya so it’s not here but in another post!)

Galaxies: Love/Friends

Milky Way: Who’s your oldest friend?

Ahhh someone irl! Known each other for 11 years or something

Andromeda: Do you consider yourself social?

NOPE

Black Eye Galaxy: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Nah

Cartwheel Galaxy: When was your first kiss?

Romantic kiss? Couple months ago, but my platonic friend and I do give each other sweet kisses

Cigar Galaxy: How’s your flirting skills?

Shitty.

Comet Galaxy: Have you ever had to leave a relationship because someone changed too much?

Yes.

Pinwheel Galaxy: Would you date the last person you talked to?

<.< yes

Sombrero Galaxy: Do you have a crush right now?

I’m always simping (that’s code for yes)

Bode’s Galaxy: Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Lmao I fuckin wish

Sunflower Galaxy: Would you date/make friends with someone out of pity?

Pity for myself? Sure

Tadpole Galaxy: Would you deny a relationship/friendship?

Yes.

Whirlpool Galaxy: Have you ever cried over a breakup?

Hell fucking yeah I have

Other stuff: Wishes

Comet: What’s your big dream?

I’d like to raise frogs or axolotls

Asteroid: What does your dream life look like?

Tending to my garden and raising animals

Meteor: What’s something you wish you could tell, but can’t?

As in verbally to someone? “I did the wrong thing for the right reason, and I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

Nebula: If you could undo one thing in your life, what would it be?

Stand up for myself

Shooting Star: If you could bring back one thing, what would it be?

A friend to say the goodbye I never got to

Pulsar: What do you hope to do in the next 10 years?

Get two fucking FROGS

Supernova: What’s one thing you want to do before you die?

Meet some close and beloved friends of mine

Quasar: If you could spend the rest of your life with only one person, who would it be?

Right now in my quarantined state? Toad or Bomb, I chat with them regularly and they’re special

Wormhole: What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t?

I’d like to speak to my doctor and apply for a service dog, but I don’t have the money or the time to

Black Hole: What’s the last thing you want to see?

Whomever I love

#toad and frog ask too many questions #the dusk and lulls saga continues

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bellesque · 4 years

Text

Sweet Dreams (Loki x Reader) Chapter 2

Read chapter one here on tumblr or on AO3.

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3.5K Warnings/Tags: Incubus Loki, right now I have no idea what else I’m sorry I’m exhausted Summary: It’s your first free weekend in what feels like forever and you plan on snoozing through it without any interruptions. Someone has other plans.

A/N: Happy early Valentine's Day! I'm actually so overwhelmed with the response this has gotten - it's crazy. I'm so grateful and I love you. Y'all are amazing.

YOU’RE ENTIRELY DISSATISFIED.

You woke up lightheaded and so close, oh so close, to the release that you craved. To have it robbed from you, to come so close only to have it taken away in a little less than a heartbeat, leaves you agitated and—quite frankly—still aroused.

It’s already midday. Surely by now the effects of the mystery man in your dreams have worn off. Surely you’ve forgotten the sound of his enchanting voice, the feel of his mouth on your skin, the absolute bliss that coursed through your body when he…

You’re a little in shock, to say the least. Memories of your fever dream linger in the back of your mind, resurfacing at the most random moments.

You are no stranger to wet dreams. Hell, they’re a welcome change from time to time. What makes this one so different?

Of course, you know the answer. It’s only your stubbornness and pride keeping you from admitting it. You want to chalk it up to just being a dream, too good to be real—only it was real, and you know that in your heart. You just can’t explain how.

Your Saturday morning is spent obsessing over the man (incubus, you recall him telling you) and replaying every little moment from last night’s tryst.

There’s a niggling feeling that you can’t shake: whatever happened last night is far from over. Oh no, things have only just begun.

And the thought thrills you.

You find yourself constantly checking the time throughout the day.

You’re antsy, whether you want to admit it or not. It’s a mix of fear from not knowing if whatever the hell happened was real or dangerous at all, and anticipation for what’s yet to come.

Until the next night of ours, sweet.

Next. You’re absolutely certain he said next, which means that your indecent show yesterday is getting an encore.

The sound of your TV blurs into background noise as you check your phone. 5:36 PM. Far too early for you to be going to bed, but you can’t even focus on the show you’re watching as your thoughts are consumed by what awaits you when you enter dreamland.

You’re too fucking excited to go to bed that the chances of falling asleep as easily as you want are slim.

With a huff, you rise from your couch, stalking to your closet in the hopes that some reorganization will help you clear your thoughts and relieve some of your pent up energy. Tidying up has that effect, right?

And it helps, even just a little. You settle into a rhythm: keep, toss, hey this is cute, and ew why do I have this; fold, hang, roll. You’re surprised to find clothes you haven’t seen in what feels like years and check if they still fit you. One particularly racy number catches your attention, bringing to the fore of your brain the reason why you’re fixing your closet in the first place.

You finger the silky material of one of the straps. Maybe if you wear this tonight…

You all but lunge for your phone and check the time, a twinge of enthusiasm in your actions because you can see it’s beginning to darken outside. Which means it’s almost time to sleep.

7:09 PM.

You let out an exasperated sigh.

As soon as 9 o’clock rolls around (it takes it long enough) and after a long, steamy bath, you pull on the lingerie you found earlier, your hands shaking as if you had just a little too much caffeine. It’s embarrassing how much you’ve worked yourself up over this, turning into a bundle of sex-crazed nerves. It was all you could think about today, you reason. Cut yourself some slack. Or maybe just enjoy it wholeheartedly without the guilt.

The last option is the most appealing.

So you settle into the covers, turn off the lamp that sits by your nightstand, and close your eyes, mentally prepared to accept whatever sexual fate you are to receive.

Only nothing happens.

Your thoughts from today, filthy and secret and quite numerous, play on loop, forcing your mind to stay awake. The opposite of what you want to happen. You want to fall asleep, to see the gorgeous man standing over you and to relish his reaction when he sees what you’re wearing, and then you want to see his expression turn wolfish as he begins to peel off—

You’re doing it again.

Damn it, why can’t you shut your brain off?

You inhale deeply, squeezing your eyes tighter as though the action is enough to command yourself to sleep.

“C’mon,” you mutter to yourself, squeezing your legs together now too. “Sleep, damn it.”

You don’t. Or rather, you can’t.

You don’t know how long you spend lying in your bed with your eyes closed and the rest of your body fidgeting. You toss and turn, attributing your inability to doze off to perhaps the wrong sleeping position. You lie on your back, your stomach, the left side, the right side—and you’re still as restless as before.

At one point in the night you sit up, half-growling, half-groaning your frustration. You just want to sleep. Hasn’t it been your plan for this whole weekend? How is it that they’ve been uprooted and changed so quickly?

Part of you wishes that as you sat up, you’d be met with the charming gaze of the man, signifying that you’ve successfully fallen asleep. Only there is no one to greet you in the night, and you are still most definitely awake.

You’re irritable and tired of the situation, so you grab your phone to watch something before bed. And then it clicks—last night you were listening to the audiobook! It helped you relax then, perhaps it can do the same now.

Triumphant as if you’ve cracked the code, you open it up and let the audiobook play, the narrator’s voice droning on, the words washing over you like a lullaby.

It’s working, you think excitedly as your eyes begin to leaden with sleep. This is the key after all! The audiobook is the gateway to sleep, and ultimately the gateway to him.

And a few good minutes later, you knock out.

You wake up.

Your mind whirrs first, before anything else. The gears of your mind are slow and heavy, groggy, needing a little push. Your eyes haven’t opened, but you can tell it’s already light outside.

What the hell, it’s already light outside?

Your eyes snap open. You’re awake.

You’re fucking awake and he didn’t come last night.

Humiliation creeps into your veins in the form of heat rushing to your face, even if there’s no one but yourself to see it. You even dressed up for him, you think, grimacing as you look down at yourself. Well. That sure was a waste.

Maybe this is the push you need: he isn’t real after all. This week you were tired, short-fused, and definitely sexually deprived. You climb out of bed and pad towards your bathroom. Yes—you conjured up a literal dream man who also happened to be a sex god. Only your mind didn’t give you the courtesy and satisfaction of actually boning with the said dream man.

As you turn on the showerhead, you can’t help the disappointed exhale that echoes around you. Maybe you’re crazy, and him simply a figment of your imagination, but he felt real.

But it’s time for you to stop living in your head, you decide firmly. You’re calling Isla (she’s the one who recommended the audiobook) to see if she can hook you up with a blind date next weekend. After all, you’re a woman with needs, and you can’t rely on dreams to get off.

This time you enjoy your Sunday without any new thoughts of him.

“So listen,” Isla says to you on the phone on Tuesday afternoon, “I finally got you a date, but the catch is, he’s not free on the weekend. Thursday sound good?”

“Thursday’s perfect,” you reply, hitting send on one of the emails you’re writing. “Thanks, Isles. What’d you say his name was again?”

“Jacob. He’s a solid 8/10 both in the looks department and in the sheets. You did say you wanted one night stand material, right?”

“Not a one night stand, per se. I mean, yes, well”—you blow air out through your nose—“it’s whatever.”

“Right, this whatever of yours is going over to your place on Thursday night so better get that engine running soon, because you don’t sound the least bit excited at the idea of getting laid. You okay?”

“It’s fine.” You swivel in your chair. You can’t exactly tell her your blind date-slash-hookup probably won’t top the experience you had with mystery dream guy, so you choose to be deliberately vague in your answers. “Thursday it is. Now, I gotta go, I have work to do—talk to you soon.”

This is your solution: to screw him out of your mind by replacing figment with fact. Hopefully it works.

You get the feeling it won’t.

Wednesday night, you fall asleep to the sound of rain outside. There’s something about the peace and tranquility, the steadiness of the pitter patter, that comforts you like a familiar blanket.

You’re dreaming tonight: it’s nothing out of the ordinary, just you and Isla on some island getaway downing tropical drinks. You’re heading up to your hotel room, laughing, but a figure in a jet black suit stands right in front of your door. You stop, blink, and the scene changes from your island getaway to your bedroom.

He’s back. And real.

You’re sitting on your bed, staring, your heart thumping loudly against your ribcage. Vastly different from you, he’s leaning against the door, his posture casual and aloof as if he owns the place.

He regards you with a twinkling eye, his lips just barely curved upwards. He quirks up an eyebrow as he pushes off the door and takes two steps towards your bed.

“Did you miss me, pet?”

Something inside you melts as soon as the question is asked, his voice still as rich and full as you remember it nights ago. And then you remember it’s been almost a week, and that he’s left you hanging for that amount of time.

Without much thought, you slink out of bed and walk towards him. “You came back,” you say, and you’re proud of the fact that your voice is stronger than you feel. Right now you want to melt, sink into him and all his spaces, but the humiliation you felt (albeit weirdly misplaced—who gets upset that they got stood up by a dream guy?) takes precedence.

“Did you doubt that I would, kitten?”

You are about a pace apart from each other. Feeling bold, you look up into his green eyes. Oh, how you can get lost in them: warm and seductive and—

No. You will not make this easy. He comes for pleasure, and his alone. You were a little naïve to think he would consider you in this equation, but you know better now.

“I mean, it has been a fucking week. Almost.” There’s an edge to your tone, you make sure of that. Just to make it clear to him that even if he isn’t human, it’s not fair to leave someone on the brink of orgasm and let them think about it for days on end.

“A fucking week?” he repeats, only his tone is amused and thoughtful. He takes a step towards you and you instinctively take one back. A dance of sorts, only there is no reciprocation from you. “I apologize for my absence, sweet. I had other responsibilities I needed to take care of and I didn’t think it would affect you this much. Let me make it up to you”—your knees bump against the corner of your mattress and you buckle under the surprise of it. You sit with a yelp, and he rests his hands on your bare shoulders. “Let me make it up to you by a fucking week.”

“What?” Is he going to make you wait again?

His fingers begin to drum lightly on your collarbone. His eyes are practically glittering with excitement, mesmerizing you with how devastatingly handsome he is up close. Especially when he’s looking at you like that.

“As you put so eloquently, sweet, a fucking week. An entire week of me coming to ravish you night after night, until you’re completely sated and satisfied.” His voice is a murmur, so low and heady you think you hear it inside you, warming you from your innermost parts to the tips of your fingers. “Does that appeal to you, pet?”

Your eyes flutter close as his long fingers skim up and down the column of your throat. Barely five minutes and your resolve has flung itself out the window.

“Yes,” you breathe, arching your neck as he brushes hair from your shoulders.

“Good. I intend to have my fill, and we’ve barely begun. Let’s make a game of it, hmm?” He twirls a lock of your hair around his index finger. “Being my lover is no easy feat. We need to heighten your senses, make sure you’re well-prepared.”

“What do you mean?” The question you ask spills from your lips as a default reaction, not truly thought out. Your attention is elsewhere, that being everywhere his fingers brush against.

“I’m going to learn about you, sweet. And you are going to learn about me.” He presses his palm flat against your chest, right on your sternum, the purposeful action a contrast to your now submissive self. Gently he pushes you until you’re lying on your back, and he climbs onto the bed with each leg on either side of you. His lean figure looms above you, dominating, as he lowers himself, stretching across you, the length of his body encasing you in his warmth and scent. He settles his weight on his elbows so he doesn’t crush you, but the hungrier part of you wants to have as little space between you as possible. It’s intoxicating you further; with every breath you take you feel like you’re inhaling more of him. You just want more of him.

He lowers his head until you feel his mouth at the shell of your ear. Something inside you coils in long-awaited anticipation, your muscles tense and rigid, as if any unwarranted movement will cause this reality to crumble in on itself.

His nose skims the helix of your ear, his prolonged inhale adding to the fire in your veins. And then he speaks in that spellbinding timbre that drives you mad.

“Night after night after night, I’m going to ravish you with my attention. My affection. I will discover, sweet, what desires you keep in the deepest recesses of your heart, where no one else but I can reach, and I will discover what desires have yet to be awakened in you. I like to think I’m quite skilled at that.” He chuckles in your ear, the sound filling your mind with fantasies and visions of other sounds he can make, none of them innocent. “I want to know everything, sweet. I want to see everything—every rise and fall of your chest when you come close to release, the way your delicious lips part when it finally happens.”

Your eyes have slipped close at this point, every fiber in your being attuned to his words and his voice, hypnotizing you into picturing what he means.

“Yes, can you see it now?” His index finger traces light, arbitrary patterns on the outside of your bare thigh. “Because I can, quite perfectly. You’re going to be a wonderful treat, my dear—so delightful to unravel. Every change in expression, every shift in of your muscle, I’m going to savor it all. Savor you. And then you will learn about me: what I enjoy, how to make me beg for you after you’ve begged for me.”

He drags a hand over your thigh from the knee up, until it rests on the spot between your hip and your ass. You can’t stop yourself from making a little noise (did you just whimper? ) and your hips lift off the bed ever so minutely you think he doesn’t notice—but he does, because he hums and settles the weight of his pelvis over yours.

He’s hard and huge, and a thought flashes through your mind: oh, the things he can do to you with that much power between his legs and the things you want to do to it.

“I like that sound, pet,” he comments, his lips skimming across your earlobe. He gyrates his hips over you once, twice, and then heaves off you. “Do it again.”

A curse tumbles from your lips, and he chuckles.

“What are you doing to me?” Your voice sounds different to you, breathy and almost whiny, and you’re hit with the realization that any form of coherency you have left is about to disappear from you entirely.

He puts his weight on you again, the stiffness poking at your belly a reminder—as if you need it—that there is the promise of more, and that he wants this probably as much, if not more, than you do.

“Teaching you,” he answers simply, his head dipping further to pepper your jawline with kisses. This time you allow yourself to relish the moment, and your neck moves to give him more access as his lips travel to a sensitive spot behind your ear.

“I… I’m not sure w-what I’m learning,” you respond between heavy breaths.

He sucks on a sensitive spot, just at the junction below your earlobe where the base of your jawline is, and you hear yourself gasp, a needy sound that under any other circumstance, would make you shy away in an instant. But here, in this moment, you feel there is no other way to express fully, and the sound is just right.

The gentle suction on your neck is somehow in time with the throbbing of your body, pulsing with the ache for more. His tongue licks over his new spot once he’s done, and your eyes all but roll to the back of your head at the action. The idea that he has just marked you as his sends an electrifying shudder down your body. He moves his face so it’s aligned with yours—you can feel his nose brushing against yours and his lips are a hair’s breadth away. They’re parted, so close to yours—you could easily capture them in a kiss with the slightest tilt of your chin. You try to do so, only you can feel him pull back and laugh lightly.

“First lesson,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against the corner of your mouth and then down to the ear he hasn’t whispered in. You shiver, craning your neck to the side. “Well, perhaps not a lesson just yet. But the first thing you must remember is my name.”

Yes. Finally you will know his name, something you can scream and whisper and groan in the future. It’s as if he reads your mind, because he continues, “I want to hear you say my name in all different ways. Soft, loud. Pleas, demands. Is that alright with you, sweet?”

You can’t string a single sentence now, with his mouth at your ear and his hands skimming over the skin where your pajama top has ridden up. Your brain is fried, muddled with lust, so all you do is nod.

“Good girl. Now let me hear it from that pretty mouth of yours.” He moves to kiss both your closed eyelids, your nose, until he’s hovering over your lips. You can feel them move above yours and it takes all your willpower not to kiss him right there. “Repeat after me: Loki.”

Loki. It’s a fitting name, for some reason. You can’t picture him with anything else.

“Loki,” you whisper against his lips, quiet and hushed, and it feels right, rolling off your tongue like a stream of water.

“Very good,” he says, and at last he presses his lips against yours, searing hot and languid at the same time. It’s as if he’s taking his time tasting you while you let him take control, his tongue skimming your top lip. And then he kisses you with more fervor, a little growl coming up deep from his throat, and he opens his mouth and takes your bottom lip in between his teeth.

Stars. You’re seeing stars.

Your breathing hitches as he sucks on your bottom lip, a steady rhythm that opens up the floodgates of filthy thoughts and wants and wishes. Giving one final suck, he completely lifts his entire body off of you. Your eyes open, bleary and heavy, and you can see just how divine he looks above you: aroused, flushed, and staring at you with the intensity of the summer sun.

“First real lesson, sweet,” he says, his voice just the slightest bit rougher, “is sound.”

#loki fanfic #loki x you #loki x reader #smut #incubus loki #reader insert #tom hiddleston #fanfic #by belle

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radrita · 3 years

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Radical Forgiveness!

Pain like I never knew entered my life on August 23rd, 2018. And believe me when I tell you I've been in pain a lot as a child. When I was three, my mom left my brother and me with our dad and grandpa (his dad). When I say left, I mean, never came back. I should mention when I was 15, I found out my mom lived two miles from me my whole life and had another family, complete with a new husband and 3 kids she raised that I never knew about. I met up with her and spent the rest of my days until she passed away, trying to get her to love and accept me like the children she raised. But that would never happen. When my sister, who was raised by my mom, was told she had cirrhosis of the liver from alcoholism and would succumb to it, my mom wished it was me that was going to die instead. Those words would pervade my soul for a LONG time!We were in some foster homes from the ages of 3 to 5. Then our dad, who was an alcoholic, couldn't take care of us anymore, so we were sent to live in an orphanage, and I remained there for seven years. My brother got to go live with our dad and grandpa when he was around 13. I didn't, and I will explain why. We visited home on weekends and holidays until my dad molested me on a few different occasions between 10 and 12. I finally told someone, and then I wasn't able to see him anymore for several years. It may seem to you that it would have been the rational thing to do. But I already lost my mom, and my dad was all I had left. So, it was very heart-wrenching to tell someone. Also, my grandpa (my dad's dad) would pleasure himself in front of me all the time for several of my early teen years. And when I was pregnant with my daughter, my stepdad tried to get me to give him oral sex. Ugh, no wonder I had men issues.

When I turned 15, I had a chance to live with my dad and grandpa again. My caseworker (I was a ward of the state) had me explain what my dad did to me. I was screaming in my head (no, please don't make me). But she did, and his then-wife blamed me, saying I dressed sexy around him (I was 10 lady, geez), and my dad chose her over me. As a result, I only saw him one time over the next 30 years when his mom died (my grandma), and we saw each other at the funeral. Even though my dad and his wife said they would be in touch with me, they never did. I probably don't need to say that my life took some dark turns through addiction and lots of self-abuse. Ready for the real pain that surpassed even all that excitement?

Here is the story of losing my daughter when she was just 33 and the lengthy voyage through anguish like I've never known! Nicole Marie Cuneo was her birth name, and she was the angel in my life that lit up my whole world. I never knew love like that before she was born. It's like my heart didn't even know how to beat before her. And she was the happiest baby and always smiled. At least until she was about 2, and then something changed in her attitude. I didn't know until she was 5 when I started taking her for counseling that she was sexually abused. It occurred while I was working, and she was in her father's care. I can't even tell you the sick feeling that came over me, and as a result of the changes in her, I would spend years taking her for counseling. It was like I had a different child, and I did. Because when you have something like that happen to you, especially at such a young age, it changes your DNA.

When this beautiful child was twelve, she started on the road to using drugs, and as a family, we would watch her struggle with that for the rest of her days. I should mention that I met a man (a wonderful man) that adopted Nicole and my other daughter Samantha Lynn. And, to this day, he is still the constant, stable man in Samantha's life. For that, I will be forever grateful. There are so many details I'm not covering about this journey because it would become a book. I aspire to keep the focus on the journey to forgiveness, but for now, It's time for me to take a break from writing because it's still too painful for me to focus on the loss for too long…... I'm back after a night that was once again filled with tossing and turning physically and mentally. I mentioned that I also had struggles with addiction, which would plague my life from the time I was in my early thirties, and I still battle it as a 56-year-old. For the most part, I have a program and a higher power that keeps it at bay. Still, as all addicts know, it takes daily commitment contingent on our spiritual condition.

Forgiveness is a term defined in the dictionary as: in a psychological sense, is the intentional and voluntary process by which one who may initially feel victimized, undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding a given offense, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance. So, by this information, it means I wish no ill will on the people in my life that have caused me harm or malice. Phew, let me tell you that I have had numerous times that wasn't the case! Visions and thoughts in my mind had me showing up and shooting the people that hurt my sweet girl.

My daughter, as I mentioned, struggled with addiction, and due to that fact, she had three stints in prison. The last stretch, she was sentenced to six years, and she served all but five days of it. She was about to be free when……two weeks before this, she was pounded in the head on two different occasions —once with soap in a sock and one instance with a payphone. I was told she died from long-term methamphetamine use, and it caused a brain aneurysm. This means she was using the entire time while being incarcerated. Oh God, NO, and please help me was all I could think when I was given that news. It's a complex kind of hell to not know what your child died from, and almost 3 years later, I still don't understand a lot of the details. Was it, in fact, the beatings, or was it the drug use? Prisons aren't forthcoming, as you can probably assume. Did they have something to hide? I'm pretty sure they have plenty to hide! Nicole was a sweet, kind, and caring person. Her nickname in prison was Shine because she always spread Sunshine and tried to keep up everyone's spirits. And she was capable of being that way while incarcerated and having to literally fight for her life.

This leads me to the how and why of my journey to forgiveness. I think I was somehow inspired to forgive from a very young age. When I was a kid, I lived my life feeling like I wasn't of this world because nothing made sense. Meaning, how could so many things go so wrong so early in my life? But I also remember thinking numerous times that people do the best they can, so I didn't judge them. And I felt that way pretty much my whole life and still do. A friend brought to my attention that maybe I didn't forgive people as the dictionary defines. But is it possible I had a twisted understanding of what forgiveness meant? And that perhaps I thought I was excusing people's behavior but that I didn't go through the emotions and changes needed in my heart and soul that were required. And that, in fact, I possibly just didn't love myself enough because of all the trauma I endured, that I just thought I forgave them? In other words, I thought I did, but because I didn't love myself, I was just saying It was ok that they hurt me, and (oh well) life goes on?

Um, no, I do love myself! And believe me, when I tell you, I hurt from those offenses against me to my essence (hence addiction, low self-esteem, and pushing people away for a good part of my life). Radical forgiveness doesn't derive from the belief that it's the right thing to do. Therefore, I'm just going to forgive them. And when I hear people that have lost a loved one to murder say that they are evil or are monsters, it makes me sick to my stomach. I feel we are all humans and connected to the universe and each other. If I genuinely accept that, how could I want someone to be eliminated because of my hatred for them? If you look in someone's eyes (soul), how can you want them to die? I didn't and can't give life, so taking it away is also not an option. I know it's revolutionary thinking because when I talk to most people about this topic, they look at me hastily. I TRULY, in my heart and soul, know that there is NOTHING anyone can do to me or anyone that I couldn't forgive. I also love myself enough to know that I will be the one to suffer if I don't. It's like peeing on yourself and expecting someone else to feel the wetness and embarrassment from it.

I love my daughter with the most heartfelt essence of what love means. I grieve every day that I will never be able to smell her scent, feel her embrace, see people's faces light up when she walks in a room, hear her witty sense of humor. And even miss the fact that she was a pain in my ass because of her addiction. When people ask me how many kids I have, it still throws me for a loop. Initially, if I would not have read a book about it, the response they offered the readers to make would have been incomprehensible. They said to say how many kids you gave birth to and not how many you have now. Thank God I read that book! Because that circumstance and several others I probably would have never known how to manage could have been a moment to drive me literally insane.

I have another daughter and Nicky left us a son, and the last thing on earth I want it's for her to lose me on top of losing her sister. I will never be ok that I will never give Nicky the love I have for her again. But hurting others will never provide those moments back to me!

I want people to know that forgiveness restores your soul and allows you to be of service to others and yourself. Without it, I know I will continue to struggle in life, and she would NOT want that for me. She always said that I was a strong person and that she respected me for that. I can't in good conscience have resentment for the ones that hurt or possibly murdered her. I don't want anyone to suffer pain for their actions. Just learn from them. I believe we all just live according to our experiences and do the best we can with what we have learned thus far in life. The ONLY thing I want to come out of losing her is for change to occur in the justice system. An addict that is imprisoned due to addiction is injustice! I'm not a religious person; I'm spiritual. That means we are all connected and equal and should try our best to understand and comfort those in need. And yes, that includes those with mental illness. After all, addiction is a disease (dis-ease) and is a mental illness and should be treated as such.

I'll close with this; perhaps I can forgive because, in my addiction, I have done so many things I vowed I would never do, and it has been excused too many times to count. This has given me the ability to go on and keep trying to be a better person in my life. As I discussed earlier, as a child, I felt I was able to forgive. I soundly believe part of that is the spirituality (higher power) that has always been and always will be in my life. This story is my endeavor to hopefully help others who struggle with forgiveness. And possibly give them what they need to move on past the judgments and/or stigma. I have struck the wall, cussed God, blasted the people that hurt her, and questioned how I would live another day without her. God help me has and is the continual prayer since the day I lost her. She exists in my heart memory, and I prefer to cherish all of the memories, good and heart-wrenching. Because that is the sum of the person that was given to me. She will forever be my angel. I stated that she was the light in my life and the first love in my life when she was born, and that's why I gave her the nickname Angel. She will eternally be that light, and I choose to not put darkness on that by not being able to pardon. So, if you grapple with forgiving someone, think about the freedom that will thoroughly transform your world and those around you if you can let go! I still struggle with my addiction from time to time, but I know it's a process. Forgiveness is an extraordinary place to start because it empowers me to have the opportunity of growth and faith that life is worth living in all its glory and pain.

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pochapal · 3 years

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rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking:

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3.

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it.

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with.

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.

#Anonymous #long post #read all of this if you have vested interest in knowing intimate details about my life or whatever

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