#fucking bills to pay and people to look after this is too much why cant anything just work out for once why is it always like this
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supposed to be my first payday today and they haven't paid me 😐
#literally been working here 3 weeks ive already done loads for them do they think this shit is for free i have#fucking bills to pay and people to look after this is too much why cant anything just work out for once why is it always like this#i am literally going to lose it ive fucking had enough
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Okay I cant -- I need to say it out loud.
I am 100% sure, at this point, you are my favourite artist so far.
And I have to honestly thank you for a lot of stuff so let me get to the point before my anxiety takes me back --
I came across you less than a month ago. I don't remember if I saw your art before reading your fictions (Mon Horrible Cherì was my first) or the other way around, but both inspired me so much I can't describe it properly.
Art itself is my absolute weak spot. In my past years I always struggled working on that, I was never happy with my results, and mostly had drawn to pay bills than for my own happyness. In the end I hated it at the point that every line I drew was a cut on my hand instead of a moment of joy. And that was horrendous.
But then I came across your art, at some point - and I was amazed. Your style is something I wished to achieve years ago, or very similar to that at least, so I was totally into looking for more, and more, and more. I can't produce art of that quality, but for the first time I wasn't envious of another artist's ability and talent, I was just... Amazed.
I felt very happy, can't say why, but your style totally fascinated me. It still do. Anytime you post something new it gives me a shot of serotonine, it makes me feel happy and inspires me to get back on my Huion and draw something too.
I started to push it through everyday, and in less than a month I grew a lot. You don't know that, but you pushed me into art with a passion I didn't had since I was 16, and I turned 30 couple months ago. Now it gives me joy everytime I draw. It doesn't matter if the art I produce is no good, or if I change my style everytime (I'm trying a lot of styles right now), the only thing that matter is the way I feel when I sit here and just let my inspiration go. And I feel happy.
Happy to draw. Happy to experiment. Happy to share. Somehow I don't feel ashamed of my art anymore, and I was for a long time. I improved so much in these weeks. I watched carefully almost all of your timelapses (I am in love with all of them btw) and followed your tutorials more than once. Your examples, the way you work, is just inspirational for me. I've seen someone was thankful to you for the way you use references and says people out there to do it too: I want to thank you for that too. References was a taboo until last month for me, and I was SO wrong! Those helps so much!
So, well. I am not sure I wrote this all correctly, english is not my native language (I'm italian) and I may have done some mistakes, well, I do not care. I just hope I was able to express you my gratitude for all you did for me - I had to let you know how much this means to me everyday.
Oh also: I love every part of your art, but I could stare at your linearts for days and never get bored by that. And the way you color! Don't make me start on that. I could speak for hours. Not sure you'll want that, believe me.
So, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you for making me believe in myself again. Thank you for giving me back my passion. Thank you for reminding me everyday I can draw for myself, for my own happyness. And thank you for making me happy.
You are a great artist.
Thank you! <3
i put off replying to this because i wanted to draw you something, but i just haven't had the energy after work and dont want u to think im ignoring you 😭
but i dont have WORDS. i'm so fucking proud of you. i'm so happy for you. browsing your blog and seeing the sheer amount of art and AUs you're making is so inspiring. your happiness is contagious and i hope you only continue to grow, and continue to foster all that joy for art.
thank you <3
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a fuck coworkers
my store is a small one, only four of us plus the manager, although we need at least one more person. but of the four of us, the two guys do almost no work at all. one is much worse than the other though. while they both spend 90% or more of their shift )after the manager leaves) sitting in the backroom playing on their phones, the one guy will at least come out if the door buzzer goes off a lot to see how busy it is. the other guy does not budge. at all. for anything. no matter how busy it is i am stuck on till alone all night with no break and barely a chance to sit and rest because if there is no customers in the store, then i have to be facing and filling and checking over stock to keep the store looking decent. both because it makes it easier at the end of the night to try to not let it get too bad but all so because we have a theft problem and LP/head office gets pissed if we dont keep things faced because it's harder to tell if things have gone missing. there is at least one person stealing 60oz bottles of hard alcohol, which i dont even know how they are hiding bottles that big without being seen. but it seems to happen when its busy because there are blind spots i cant see from the till (and that is the aisle where things are missing from) but i can't leave the till to see whats up or ask people if they need help etc. and the guys will not leave the backroom to do that or to watch till. like i just really don't want to be the one getting in shit when LP ends up getting involved because they decide i wasn't doing enough even though i am the one doing EVERYTHING already.
beyond that, it is just so fucking aggravating to be in physical pain at the end of every shift because someone has to make sure things are getting done while he just sits back there. and we both get paid the same wage. like how they still have jobs is beyond me. but its because the manager doesn't want to fire them because they show up to work reliably but why fucking bother having them when they do no work?
if it's especially miserable in the store (busy, in pain, customers being endlessly rude and/or creepy) knowing they are back there doing not a god damn thing makes me want to scream (as does most aspects of the job but this makes it even worse). i just want to cry some days. this was just supposed to be a whatever job until i got something related to my education but it's taking longer than i thought and when i quit the liquor store originally to finish my degree i never thought i would have to be back here.
this isn't even a minimum work for minimum wage thing. this is a no work because i can take advantage of my coworkers and still get paid thing. there is only ever 2 of us on at a time. like i am so close to saying to the manager like i am not going to be rushing around stressing about getting stuff done because he wont do anything. if it doesn't get done it doesn't get done and you can talk to him about it. im so sick to death of doing the work of at least 2 people every fucking night. she knows the guys are awful but keeps telling the two of us who do the work to 'pick our battles' but everything is a battle and its brutally unfair to act like we are in the wrong for being upset. she will write them up and tell them off if things are really bad but they dont care and dont change because they know that she won't ever fire them. and i don't want them to be fired, i want them to do their share of the work.
from now on ill just have to say sorry i did everything i could with the time i had, if anything wasn't done take it up with the dickheads sitting in the back because they should have been working too. im not going to kill myself over this garbage job that barely pays my bills. but also i am terrified to not have the job and not be able to pay my bills so i am killing myself (and my knees and back and mental health) by being here and working hard.
the less lazy of the guys also isn't that impressed with the other guy but it's borderline hypocritical considering how little he does himself. however he's a nice guy and he did take the till when the one creepy regular came in. if only because he happened to come out to the front at the right time and recognize him from my description. certainly grateful for that.
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finally something positive but like super long because it has been a while
I usually come on here to rant the worst and be negative because there isnt really any other outlet for me to do that. We often have the worst luck and live the saying “when it rains, it pours” through and through. But for once the overall of this post is positive and celebratory, after some bitching and dumb shit of course lol
We have been stuck living with my SIL&her boyfriend since April 1st. Jack has his own small room, a tiny toilet&sink room between his room and ours. Our room holds us, our 2 dogs and 5 cats, then all that comes with it i.e. litter boxes, bed, desk for when I was working my last job. It is just cramped and annoying and rough. It isn’t our 1st choice at all, but with our animals and what our bring in money totaled to, we could not get approved anywhere. We have spent almost a grand on application fees this year alone. About a week ago or so, we were talking about something else to do with my new job***(connects below with same symbols) and she fucking said “ No offense but how much longer y'all tryna stay? “ literally word for word what she messaged....... fucking seriously bitch? 1st of all, every single animal except 1 cat, we have because of her, we have a child to care for financially and all aspects, because she had him and CAN’T DO IT HERSELF, 2nd WE DON’T WANT TO BE HERE EITHER not only are we all smushed into these rooms, we have 0 privacy, they don’t take care of their own cat litter boxes as they should so it always smells terrible out there, so I cant even have anyone over if i could get over the dogs and the room and such, they own this trailer and are just letting things fall apart and there is so much mold growing in the bathroom its terrible for everyone’s lungs. They sell weed so our anxiety is ALWAYS high because we have a child here so god forbid they got busted we would all be fucking screwed and the dogs barks every time someone knocks to come pick up so we have to tell them to shut up multiple times an hour every single fucking day and finally 3rd of all they cant even afford their own lives without us, literally, they do not make enough money and depend on the people staying here rent money for their bills. so like why you asking that shit?? she also could’ve worded it so many different ways, saying the same point without the attitude, and we all know things that start with “no offense...” are always fucking offensive.
So I got laid off from Premier 10/31; I took that week to just do nothing and kinda wallow cause it fucking sucked and all that. I knew I would get approved for unemployment, my boss already told me to apply and claim it, but my ID expired a few months ago and it hasn’t been an issue so I hadn’t looked into what I needed to do for a new one. However to apply for unemployment, I needed a valid form of ID.... so they recently combine the local offices into 1 location and the next appt when I looked wasn’t for like 3 weeks out uuggghhhh so I booked it in case I couldn’t find a way there for a walk in before then. I did when Billie finally went and got hers done by appt ((side rant, she went unemployed for like 4 months July-mid October, did NOTHING, didn’t apply for unemployment, actively look for a job, NOTHING)), I had to wait there, well outside the building for over 3 hours. finally got called to the inside waiting room so even if they closed i was going to be seen that day. I brought cash to pay since paying with card had a percentage surcharge and over course out of 15 clerks only 2 handled cash, so I had to wait a little longer for that aspect, but once I was finally in front of the clerk the entire interaction from start to walking out was maayybbee 15 minutes, it was insane. Side note I not only was able to update my address finally but also my middle name was spelled wrong on it so I finally got the corrected too. Anyway with the new type of ID cards, they don’t print them right there, they give you a temporary paper and you have to wait she told me 2 weeks for the state capital to send it out to me. JFCCCCCCCC so when I went to try and apply for unemployment I couldn’t because they wouldn’t accept the paper temporary ID and they wouldn’t accept the expired ID I still had because the address has changed, this was all online. So I tried calling and its an automatic system of course, so they ask for an 8 digit pin with your SSN, and if you are new enter a new one, and they saying checking it, then it restarts the whole process, over and over and over and over again. I did it 15 times before I just lost my mind and hung up. There was no operator option, pressing 0 over and over did nothing like some systems triggers you to an operator. The only other option was the unemployment office itself; since COVID they do appointment only but you can’t schedule an appointment without an account so online and by phone were not an option for scheduling and they won’t even let you inside the building without an appointment confirmed on their end by your name over the door speaker. So there I am unemployed, not able to bring any money in for however long because even after I finally get my ID I have to wait the employer dispute period after applying.
Oh, also before the day spent waiting to do my new ID but after my wallow week, I spent an entire day redoing my resume. It had been so long since I had updated it, the expected style has changed and I had to track down some info to update it. I also had to go over dozens of phrases and skills to build it just right for the positions I wanted to apply for. It was brain melting but I did it and it looks great. So the next day I applied for 25 jobs, this ranged from just sending my resume and answering some basic contact info and availability questions to like full blown tests with math and science questions. It was wild how different the process is from the last time I did it all. With Premier I got the job because I knew someone working there and she knew I needed the job, the boss knew Max from way back in and was like “yeah she’s hired” I didn’t even fill out an application for the job until like 4 days into training lol! Then with Schedule It, I was hired for call center originally and storm season was fast approaching so I would’ve been hired pretty much no matter what and only applied to a couple other places. So this latest was the most I have ever done job/career wise. I really wanted something remote and like data entry or such, not on the phone because in this space, all of us cramped and the dogs always braking from their sale traffic, calls would just be insane. Outta those initial applications I got back like 4 immediate nos and 1 to move on to the next step of their process, which I did but it ended up being a sales position with pay based on how many sign-ups you got, no thaankkk you. Then I got a couple more “no we went with some one else” emails, was still waiting on my ID to apply for unemployment and just all around in the dumps over it all. ((side note SIL got a job at Murphys purely on a friends word and they didn’t treat her great, had some staffing issues then messed up her 1st paycheck so she no call/no show quit because she supposedly had a management position with Dominos but never started it, then got told it is actually part-time nights hahahahahaha after waiting around for this new Taco Bell location to open up because she supposedly knows the GM and will get hired as management there when they open)) I finally had to tuck my pride and ask my Dad for help buying some groceries because little man got super sick during all this and so was home for all 3 meals and I had no moeny coming in for sure until the beginning of the month with Max’s check; Dad of course helped us majorly, so grateful for him and we haven’t had to ask him for help in a while so it wasn’t a big deal really.
So finally I got my ID, earlier than anticipated luckily and finally got unemployment set-up so the waiting period could start. Then I got an email that someone finally wanted to interview me for their available position, a basic into interview really. They told me about the position, expectations/tasks and pay after going over my work history with me. Fully Remote Customer Service Representative for PNC Bank! Not only remote, but for like a real legit sold company instead of a start-up or some sketchy fly-by-night one. Issue being it is phone calls, I am supposed to have a fully closed off space with no distractions i.e. ours will not work at all between smushed in 1 room and the dogs. But the pay is literally life changing for my family, it will get us out of poverty and living paycheck-to-paycheck, it cannot be passed up. We could get out of staying here with just a few paychecks easily, it is just getting set-up and doing it a bit. So Max and I thought maybe putting a shed up, set me up out there in it to avoid all the issues and we would move it with us since we were planning to get into one of the new trailers right in this same park. *** so we bring this up to my SIL and supposedly sheds are not allowed per lease even tho we have watched a few neighbors put sheds up since we started staying here. Now we have 0 clue wtf we are going to do because my set-up just cannot be worked in here, simply cannot and I NEED to get and keep this job, it is too big of a chance for us all. So I think “hrm, well dad had talked about helping us with the move-in cost of a place, we just hadn’t done it cause my previous job wasn’t enough for rent every month, but with this new one it will be, so maybe he could get us in one of these new trailers in the park and boom there we go”, so the next time I see him I bring it up. Now quick side note, his girlfriend was in a major car accident several weeks ago, like a really bad one, in a wheelchair, back brace all of it. Also they have been building their dream house out on my Dad’s lake property, I knew it was really close to done, but it is actually finished and with her being in a wheelchair and all, his old place didn’t let her get around well. So when I brought us needing out to Dad, he suggested his old place. He owns the land its on, it’s all fenced in, the trailer on it isn’t amazing but it is livable and will be ours! We are going to pay him “rent” to go towards buying the trailer and land, it’ll be ours in just a couple of years, then we can work on getting our new custom trailer on the land. It is on the edge of the bigger city, puts school in a better school district and we won’t be in the same park as where we are now so we can avoid my SIL for a while!
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hii, i love your writing so much and the black!reader content u provide us cause god knows we need more of them.
i wanted ro ask u if u could do a story where chris meets the reader at some celebrity party and they become really close and they start to fall for eachother. Chris asks her to be his gf but then she becomes distant and they end up getting in an argument and she reveals that she cant date him because shes a stripper and people will probably talk shit about her work being with a celebrity as known as him.
thank u in advanced i love your stories💕
Honey
Summary: After telling Chris the truth, he wants to make things right.
Parings: Chris Evans x black!reader
Warnings: smut, strip club, lap dance, pole dancing, girl on top, fingering, swearing, daddy kink
(A/N: this has taken me for fucking ever and I have no clue why. I struggled, but it’s finally done. I’m so sorry Anon for how long it took. I also couldn’t settle on one single song because you all suggested such good ones so I left it ambiguous.)
Tagging: @titty-teetee @blackmissfrizzle @olyvoyl @liquorlaughslove @harrysthiccthighss @mariahthelioness29 @whiskey-cokenfanfic @olyvoyl @hqneyyincc @queenoftheworldisdead @iam-laiya @donutloverxo @slytherinandoutasgard @zaddychris @brattycherubwrites @love-more122 @ljstraightnochaser (wouldn’t let me tag you)
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Chris still couldn’t believe that you’d think he’d care. As if whatever anyone had to say about you would make him want to be with you any less. He doesn’t even know why he let you walk away that night. Or why he let you cry as you finally told him.
Since then he’d been going over everything that happened in his head. The way your eyes welled up as you finally told him the truth. The shock that ran through him because even though he knew how nasty you could be, you still kept up the facade of a sweet innocent girl so well. Which is what drove him crazy about you in the first place.
Except you’d taken that as rejection and he was too late to convince you otherwise. It didn’t stop him from constantly thinking that there was more that he could have done. Hopefully he wasn’t too late.
When you met at that party he was enchanted by you. By your voice. The way you wore your hair. Your beautiful smile. Like he’d met an angel in the flesh. He took you home that night where he couldn’t even wait until he was inside to fuck you, instead bending you over the hood of his car so he could give it to you right then and there.
Between all the fucking and pillow talk, he’d fallen for you. Somehow you’d become his first thought when he woke up and the last one before he fell asleep. He’d fallen for you quick and fast and was tired of the two of you just being fuck buddies. He’d thought you’d felt the same.
It didn’t matter because the truth had come out and you hadn’t talked to him since. He’d thought about texting you, but as corny as it was he needed to do something bigger. So that’s why he was in the audience watching you work that pole. As much as he hated that other men got to ogle you he was more focused on how beautiful you looked up there.
He chuckled because you would choose such a glittery outfit to do this in. Your makeup was all done up all bright and flashy in a way you didn’t usually care for. Your wig was this pastel pink. He was trying to ignore his anxiety telling him that everything could go wrong. Maybe it would, but he at least wanted to try.
“Is it possible to get a private dance from her?” He’d asked one of the bouncers, trying to use his Boston accent so it might not be as noticeable who he was.
“Who?” He asked making this face. “Honey? She doesn’t do lap dances. Something about a boyfriend.”
His heart sunk a little, but he had to do this. “What about for a little extra.” He flashed the money he had in his pocket.
He thought for a minute, before shrugging. “Go wait in room four.”
It took about ten minutes for you to walk in with a silk robe on. Still wearing that wig. He knew that look on your face. The one when you had an attitude. Suddenly he was thinking about that night you got a little snippy with him. He fucked it out of you by pinning you down and showing you who owned that pussy.
Fuck he needed you back.
“Look, I do-“ you stopped when you saw it was him. “Chris, what’re you- what’re you doing here?” You stuttered, your eyes widening.
He took a breath, shrugging his shoulders. “I wanted to talk.”
“You could have just called me,” you said.
“Yeah but I wanted to see you. I’ve missed you, Y/N,” he said.
You crossed your arms and looked down at your feet. Trying to stop yourself from smiling. You hated how he turned you into a pile of goo. Especially when he was trying to be mad at you. “How’d you find me?”
“I have my ways,” he replied, standing up. He pulled you into his arms hugging you tightly because he didn’t care if you had an attitude.
As much as you hated to, you pulled away from him. It didn’t matter that you wanted to melt into his arm. “You can’t just come to my job, Chris.”
He sighed because although he was expecting that reaction, he was hoping it wouldn’t happen. His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. “I know. I just... if I had called would you have answered?” He asked. “Because I’ve been trying to call you. Fuck, what do you want me to do, Y/N.”
You shrugged. “I don’t know! I just... look I’m scared, okay. Scared of what people might say if they see us together.”
“I don’t care what people have to say.”
“Because you won’t be the one dealing with it!” You suddenly started to feel all teary eyed. You bit your lip as they started to come down your face. “I’m going to be the one getting comments all over social media about what a slut I am. Or about what an awful person I am. Or how I don’t deserve you because you’re fucking perfect.”
He sighed. “And I’ll be there to support you through all of it. Baby, I would never let anyone hurt you. Or disrespect you.”
“It doesn’t matter. They still will.”
“Hey,” he said, hugging you again not caring as you tried to push him away. Instead this time he held you cradling you in his arms because if you were crying he was going to hold you. “Tell me you don’t want to be with me.”
“It’s not that, Chris, I’m just scared.” You finally gave in. Clinging to him. What was the point of fighting when you just wanted him more than anything anyway.
“Hey, Buddy,” the club owners voice broke through your moment, making you feel like you were going to jump out of your skin, “no touching the dancers.”
Chris retracted his arms. “Sorry. I slipped and he caught me,” you lied. “He was just making sure I was okay.”
Of course he didn’t believe that. Looking at you through narrowed eyes. “Someone heard yelling in the next room. Sounded like someone was upset.”
“No I’m fine. We were just talking,” you said hoping that it didn’t show that you’d been crying. “I promise.”
“Fine, but keep your hands to yourself in my club, Pal.”
As soon as he left Chris sat down, pulling you into his lap. “So what do we do. Ball is in your court,” he said.
“I wanna be with you. I’m just... scared.”
He sighed. “Okay, well we don’t have to tell anyone right away. I just know that I’m crazy for you, Y/N.”
You smiled. “Really?”
“Mhm.” He kissed the side of your head. “Totally and completely crazy.”
You put your head on his shoulder. “I missed you, too,” you confessed.
“Yeah? What about this boyfriend I heard about?”
You tilted your head. “Boyfriend?”
“Yeah. The bouncer said you had a boyfriend so you didn’t give lapdances.”
You chuckled, shaking your head. “That’s just what we tell them when we’re not in the mood.” He laughed kissing your forehead. “Or maybe I do have a boyfriend?”
“You want me to be your boyfriend?” He bit his lip. His heart was racing fast then.
“Maybe.” You smiled trying to play it off all I’m
“Maybe, but... I’m...” you pulled away from him only to cross your arms all self consciously again.
“Talk to me, Honey.”
You rolled your eyes. “You think you’re so funny.”
He chuckled. “I like it.” He grabbed your hand so you could sit with him. Making you perch on his lap. “Talk to me.” He pushed a piece of the pink wig out of your face.
“I’m still scared.”
“And, I’ll be there to beat up anyone who wants to talk shit.” Chris held you as close as he could needing to feel you against him. “So, do you like stripping?”
You shrugged. “It’s fun and it pays the bills.”
“Do you want to keep doing it?” He asked.
“I mean... maybe,” you replied. Sort of afraid to say the wrong thing. It’s not that you think Chris wasn’t pro sex work, but that didn’t mean he had to be okay with his girlfriend doing it.
“Baby, if you’re worried about money, I don’t mind helping out.”
“I know,” you said.
“And if this is something you want to do, I’m okay with that, too. I don’t care what anyone says.”
You smiled before kissing him. That had been all you needed to hear from him. Not that it would fix everything, but right now it was enough.
“Promise?”
“I swear on Dodger. So you know that means it’s pretty serious,” he replied. You chuckled and he kissed your lips this time. Craving you after spending way to long not being able to touch you. You were still tearing up. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” you sniffled forcing a smile on your face. “So, I never gave you that lap dance.”
He chuckled. “Oh yeah. Baby, you don’t-“
You cut him off, putting your hand against his mouth. “I know I said I don’t give them, but I’ll make an exception for you.” You licked your lips, giving him this look that he’d recognized when you were trying to take his dick.
He glanced at the door first making sure no one could see them. Yeah it was just a lap dance, but he couldn’t promise that he would keep his hands to himself. You got up before leaning down to peck his lips.
“You can touch me however you want.” You started undoing your robe showing off the little costume you were wearing underneath.
“Fuck,” he breathed as he looked you up and down. As you removed the fabric that was keeping him from being able to see your full body. You turned around slowly giving him an eyeful of all that ass. He reached out to touch it.
“You like?” You asked all breathily, sitting back down on his lap with your back pressed towards his chest. You gyrated your hips feeling him get hard under you. His bulge pressing into your barely covered center.
He groaned into your ear. “Oh, I fucking love it.” He wrapped his arms around your his so tight. Helping you move. Making you mold into him a little deeper.
You bent your arm back so it was resting on the back of his head. He grabbed at your tits kissing your neck. As he pinched your nipple you let out a moan you didn’t hold in quick enough.
You put your hands on his thighs so you could brace yourself. Moving your hips in a circle so you were right on his dick. “Holy fuck,” he panted. You were driving him so crazy. He had to touch you. Had to feel how wet you were just for him.
He dipped his fingers into your panties. You were so wet he knew you were probably making a mess on his jeans. He didn’t give a fuck. All he wanted was to make you cum. He missed you to much to care if your pussy made a mess on him.
You had to cover your mouth this time because he’d started rubbing your clit. All soppy and wet. Your hips faltered especially as he lifted up your leg so his other hand could finger your pussy.
“Oh, my god.” You cried into your hands before falling back against him again. You uncovered yourself so you could kiss him instead. Pressing a hungry kiss to his mouth.
It was too much. Him doing both at the same time. You were trying to hold your moans in, but it was hard which is why his kiss just got deeper. Your cunt felt like it was weeping from what he was doing to you. It was way too much.
You were so damn tight. Like he’d dipped his fingers in velvet. While he rubbed your clit. You couldn’t hold your noises in, making you pull him away from him. He stared at you with a smile on his face because you looked so pretty all desperate. “You wanna cum for me?” He asked into your ear. “Wanna cum for Daddy?”
You whimpered, but still nodded because he was right you were so damn close. Hips still angled so you could feel his bulge underneath you. You needed it inside of you so bad.
You grabbed at his cock through his jeans. Needing to feel it in your hands. “You want this, huh. I could take you home and fuck you like a proper girl, but you want me to dick you down at work like a slut,” he said whispered in your ear, taking the hand that was rubbing your clit away so he could stuff his fingers in your mouth.
You moaned around them. Tasting yourself. Moaning as he found your g-spot while he still fingered you. You cried out as he made you cum all over his hand. Eyes rolling to the back of his head.
“That’s it, Baby. Make a mess for me. I want everyone to know when I leave who makes you cum.” He moved to your clit now rubbing it just the way you liked it was driving you crazy.
When your orgasm finally subsided, you got up so you could turn around in his lap. Now that you were facing him he kissed you hard. Grabbing at your ass.
You moved your hips. Looking down at the wet spot you’d left on jeans. “Oh, Daddy,” you whimpered. “You feel so good.”
“That’s it, Honey.”
You chuckled. “You think you’re so fucking funny.”
He laughed reaching between you so he could finally start to undo his pants. “What it’s cute.”
When you finally got to sink down on his dick, you cried out. You felt so full. Like he’d filled you to the brim.
You tossed your head back with your eyes screwed shut as he lifted you up and down his dick. It felt so damn good. You needed it so badly. Needed him to fill you up with his cum.
“You look at me when I fuck you,” he demanded. Grabbing a fistful of pink hair so you were forced to look at him. You opened your eyes so they could meet his. Biting your lip to keep for being too loud again. “This is my pussy don’t you ever forget it.”
“Yes, Daddy. It’s yours,” you breathed trying to not be too loud. “I don’t let anyone else touch me like you do.”
“Yeah?” He asked. “That’s my good fucking girl.” He groaned.
“You’re gonna make me cum again,” you cried because he was so damn thick.
“Cum for me,” he said into your ear making you tingle.
You buried your head into his shoulder as you did. With your pussy walls gripping him like that you couldn’t stop yourself as you started to milk him. Triggering his own orgasm as he captured your lips in another kiss.
“You two, out!” Your bosses voices almost made you jump out of your skin.
“No I’m okay!” You said. “He, um...” you tried to think of a lie. “Because he paid so much I...”
“I’m not running a brothel here.” He glared at you. “You get your shit and get out of my club. Honey, you’re fired.”
He was waited for you outside. Leaning against his Camero. You’d changed back into your sweats. He smiled seeing your normal hair. That bright makeup wiped off. Sad because he was actually really enjoying see you all overly sexed up. “Guess you don’t have to worry about dating a stripper anymore.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said before kissing you.
“It’s okay,” you replied with a shrug.
“Why don’t you come live with me? You won’t have to worry about rent. Or anything.” He chuckled.
“You wanna be my sugar daddy?” You laughed.
“No. I mean sure, but I wanna be your boyfriend. Do things like protect you and take care of you. Is that okay?”
You looked up at him through your eyelashes. “You have to promise me something first,” you said.
“Anything,” he said, grabbing your hands so he could pull you to him.
“Just when the news hits over us, you’ll fight for me. Won’t let your crazy fans treat me to badly.”
He chuckled. “I will personally tell off every single one of them.” He wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head. “Want me to take you home?”
“Yeah I got picked up by one of the girls,” you said. “My place or yours?”
He chuckled. “Ours.” He smiled before kissing you softly.
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My best friend, my p*rn
▸Johnny x camgirl!reader (cam girl au, best friends to lovers)
▸ 2,103k words
▸ Fluff, Smut
▸ Cam girl reader, prostitution, online bidding, heavy making out, lots of kissing, lots of touching, fingering, mentions of oral sex male receiving, oral sex female receiving, mentions of sex
▸ Requested, see anon message at the end of this drabble.
Being a cam girl is something you’re not proud of but it pays the bills and puts food on the table. Bringing pleasure to other people is not the best idea but you kinda like what you do and it’s like living a double life where in reality you’re this simple college student but when you’re live or on-air, you’re very popular that girls and boys beg for you.
Of course, the only person you trust knowing your double life is your best friend Johnny, whom you don’t is madly and deeply in love with you ever since the two of you became close friends. When you told him that you’re a cam girl, Johnny supported you all the way and became a regular to the point that he has become your anonymous generous tipper.
“User chicag0127 is being generous again- wow. I’m speechless. Thank you”
Tonight is kind of a special broadcast because you hit 100k followers and you have a surprise for everyone. “To celebrate our first milestone, I’m gonna hold an auction online, the highest bidder will be featured two times during my live stream this month....”
Upon hearing what you’re saying right now, Johnny cannot believe what has gotten into your head. Then he remembered, you were three semesters late on your tuition and the school might not let you graduate. “Fuck- you could end up with a creep! Fuck- Savings savings” he was quick to check his savings and easily closed the deal with you. He was sweating the entire time, scared that maybe the next higher bidder next to him might win you, but Johnny was successful.
“Sorry folks, but as expected, user chicag0127 is the higher bidder. I guess you will see us on my next live then!...”
After your live stream, you are more than thankful for chicag0127. The money went straight to your college tuition and now you can relax and not worry about the school holding you up for graduation. That night, you told Johnny what happened through text and waited for his reply before you go to bed.
You: were graduating together! That user that I was telling you, just covered my whole tuition.
The smile on Johnny’s face and the happiness that he felt was priceless, knowing that he could help his true love.
Johnny: Why didn’t you come to me in the first place? You know that I have money saved from my internship right? And idk where to spend it haha!
He jokes so he won’t sound suspicious.
You: it’s your money Johnny, you earned that because you worked hard during your internship.
And that night, you slept like a baby knowing that all is well.
One week later
You were sitting on the edge of the bed wearing only your silk robe and nothing else underneath. Any minute now, user chicag0127 will arrive and you're very much excited to meet your anonymous bidder. When the doorbell rang, you opened the door with a flirty smile that’s replaced with a confused expression when you see Johnny in front of you.
He was quiet. He was waiting for you to realize.
Then....
“Y-you’re”
“chicag0127”
“R-right... because you’re from Chicago and you’re Korean... fuck- I mean, come in, welcome. D-do you want coffee?”
Johnny went inside the hotel room quietly and without saying a word. To be honest, he didn’t know what to do too, like you, he’s confused and nervous. But would you rather see a stranger? So he balled up his courage and confronted you.
“You sit on my lap whenever I’m busy playing games on my phone, kiss me good morning whenever we have sleepovers, heck I already saw you naked because you don’t close your room whenever you dress up and you will say it’s completely fine-“ he breathes heavily and combs his black hair with his fingers, “I don’t understand why are you like this all of a sudden. I can leave you, know? But you can't disappoint your fans”
“Right we cant” you don’t know why Johnny feels like he’s a stranger now but you suck it up and remind yourself that Johnny paid for this. “You paid for this” you added while fluffing the pillow.
“Hey. I did not do it because I want to take advantage of you I did it because you could end up with a pervert a drug addict or an abuser” he points his fingers at you and sat on the bed with a heavy sigh.
“You’ve been tipping me for months!” You bite back, “Fine-Okay okay I get it. Uhm... wear this they can only see our lips, bodies, and not our faces” you hand him the silk mask that’s similar to what you’re using.
“This is our first day so kissing and touching only no more, no less,” you said, and upon explaining the instructions to Johnny, he proceeds to strip in front of you. Unbuttoning his dress shirt and looking so hot like he always does. You gulp when he’s only wearing his black pants in front of you, ready to remove his belt and his pants.
“On the second day, oral sex, however you like it. 69, blow job in the shower, anything then that’s it-oh and one more important thing. No talking you can whisper and make sounds but no talking for your safety. People might recognize you”
After explaining what’s needed, you dimmed the lights, closed the curtains, and setup the camera.“The live will automatically stop in thirty minutes”
“So we can kiss and touch for a whole thirty minutes?” He asked.
“Yes”
“I paid all my savings and thirty minutes is all I get?” He murmurs but you didn’t hear it. You pat the space on the bed next to you as you wait for the live to start automatically in five minutes. When he’s right beside you, waiting for your next move the room is cold and silent as he watches you remove your silk robe. He has seen your boobs far too many times, but this time it’s special like he’s seeing it for the first time again. ‘I'm sorry, he mouthed’ thinking maybe this is hard for you because you’re best friends.
‘It's okay,’ you mouth back because you would rather be with Johnny than a creep.
Slowly your faces move closer until your lips touch but not kissing yet. Johnny gave you a peck as if he’s testing the waters, then gave you another but this time it’s longer, and then another but this time his hand cups your face. It was a filthy kiss and you didn’t expect that Johnny is a good kisser. His tongue is sinful in so many ways. The way it swirls around your tongue, whenever he sucks your tongue leaves you breathless, his grip on your face is getting tighter and you feel his cock poking your thigh.
So with all your bravery, you put your hand inside his boxers briefs and palmed his cock while he kisses you. Slowly, he began to start touching you softly, running his fingers on your shoulders to your nipples until you shiver at his touch, making you stop kissing him and bite your lower lip. Johnny is amused and happy because you like what he’s doing to you.
While kneading your boobs, he started kissing you on your neck, licking you like you’re his favorite ice cream, and doing soft moaning sounds. He kissed you all over your body, making you feel loved and protected by him as always.
“Is this fine?” He whispered oh so quiet beside your ear and slowly run his finger on your very wet slit. Johnny’s finger slides up very smoothly because of your juices, he got excited because he can make you wet like this. You nod your head ‘yes’ and spread your legs a little more for Johnny and the viewers and with that, he finger fucked you before he ran out of time. Feeling his thick fingers go inside and outside of your cunt slowly. It feels so fucking good.
“Ten minutes” you whispered and kissed him again. You feel his smile in between kissing while he feels you getting near because you’ve clenching and unclenching around his finger.
The alarm on your live started beeping and the live is automatically cut off.
No one stopped when the live was over. You kept kissing Johnny and Johnny made you cum using his fingers. When you finally calmed down, Johnny kept you close and apologized. Until now he doesn’t know if you’re doing this with him because you’re actually loving it, or you’re doing this because he paid for it.
“Warm bath?” He offered.
You giggle and hugged him back like you used to, “we didn’t have sex you jerk.... but sounds good”
He gets out of bed and effortlessly scoops you from your comfort and brought you to the bathroom. The shower with Johnny turned every awkward situation around because he made you laugh the whole time you two were taking a shower. Singing different songs and thinking of what you should eat for dinner.
The next day, you and Johnny are laying in bed together enjoying the quietness of the hotel room like you guys did not do something filthy last night. Lips on your forehead hands at the back of your head, you hear his steady heartbeat and you’re actually happy that he is the one who did it.
You’re not with user chicag0127, you’re with Johnny. Things might take time but what he’s doing for you is heartwarming and stupid all the same time.
Second day
Johnny had a few ideas for day two. For starters, he really wanted to fuck your mouth and cum inside it. But it doesn’t feel right doing it to you, he loves you way too much for a thousand people see him do that to you. So he decided he’ll just tire you out the whole thirty minutes.
Your legs are perfectly spread and Johnny’s fingers spread your pussy lips as he licks up and down on your slit. It’s been a good twenty minutes already and your legs feel like jelly after cumming two times. When he felt your legs shaking and you’re breathing heavily, he stopped and kissed you all the way until he reaches your lips and automatically cups your boobs. You feel his very hard cock poking your thigh like he’s going to put it inside you any minute.
Surprisingly, you feel the tip of his head glide on your slit and you gave him a push as a warning but your strength is nothing compared to Johnny’s. “I will not put it in. Trust me on this” he whispered to you.
Nervous, but his lips calmed you in an instant, you trusted Johnny with his plan and let him do whatever he wants.
He continued to grind and gliding his cock on your wet slit and you are very thankful that you trusted him. You smile when he rolls his hips, you grip Johnny’s shoulders when you started being sensitive and then you don’t know what has gotten into you but you rolled your hips and put his head inside your cunt. You kissed him as you grind underneath him and he did not expect that from you.
He noticed you’re liking it too much, so he stopped then the alarm beeps and you thought he was regretting it. You let out a heavy sigh and covered yourself with the thick sheets, avoiding Johnny’s gaze.
“I stopped because I didn’t want any cameras involved when we do it”
Johnny started kissing your exposed shoulder, your neck, and your lips until he earns a smile from you. “let's go out on a date. A proper date. I’ve been always in love with y/n, and I’m sorry we have to get to this part first. I’m sorry for lying. I’m sorry for using your work to express my feelings to you”
The way Johnny confessed to you is something you will never forget. He’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more so there's no harm in giving this a chance. You kissed him and invited him under the covers with you, “Let’s have a house date, we can cook. No more expensive stuff please, you’ve given so much money for the past few months” you rake your fingers through his hair and boops his noise.
“Anything for you” he smiled and reached for your lips again.
That night, you and Johnny stayed in the hotel bed and ordered ramen for dinner.
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Hello!!! I hope you love this because I enjoyed making this to the point that I want it to be a full fic but I dont have the time yet :( thank you for requesting!
#nct smut#nct-writers#neosmutcollective#kpopscape#cznnet#neowritingsnet#johnny smut#nct johnny smut#johnny x reader#nct x reader#nct imagines#nct drabbles#nct imagine
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Always read the job description -Part 1
Max was a fit, well built man. He had been body building since he was 14 and now In his early 40s he has the body of a god, but is slowly getting to the age when he needs to find another way to make money. He knows he can't take part in his competitions anymore, and needs to take it easy. He got great grades in school and college, proving people wrong that you can't be a nerd in a jock body.
Max had some money saved and was able to keep up on bills for a few months but needed a job to keep his large house, in the rich area of the city. He got a call from a business he applied to a couple of days ago, telling him to go in for an interview tomorrow, and if it goes well he will be sent straight on a trip for the company. He gets his new blue suit ready to be worn the next day.
The morning arrives, it's 5am, and Max wakes. He does his normal morning routine, making breakfast, working out, taking a shower, then gets his suit on ready for his early morning interview. Driving to the office building in the middle of New York, it's at least 50 stories high, and is made of mostly glass, and is one of the newest modern builds in the city.
On arrival a large man in his late 60s wearing a suit greets him, "hello sir, you must be max, Sir Mammon is on his way down to collect you, may I say what an amazing suit you have on today".
Max looks the man up and down, seeing the man's huge belly flowing out from under his dress shirt, showing a massive W shape, "thanks mate, you might want a bigger shirt" then points to his belly.
"sorry if I offended you sir, but all clothing has been chosen by Sir Mammon himself" Mammon is the big boss of the business "if you would like to make a complaint I can print you a form".
Max laughs, "No thanks, I'm gonna sit over there, tell Mammon im there".
"will do sir, have a great day" the man says while max walks away paying no more attention to him.
About 15 minutes later a young handsome slender man walks over. "Max is it?" He says behind Max.
"yes.." max says confused.
"I'm Mammon, nice to meet you" he smiles holding his hand out for a shake.
"oh hello Mammon, is wasn't expecting someone so young, no offence of course" max shaking his hand.
Mammon let's out a little laugh, with a little grin "it's ok max, people don't expect someone like me to own such a remarkable company like this one would you like to follow me, we can go up to my office, this is Mark by the way, he's my Butler". Mark is another large man aged around 50, he has a massive belly stuffed into his suit, hes huffing and puffing, like he ran a marithon, "don't mind him, most of my staff are..."
Max cuts him off "fat?"
They both laugh, "you could say that Max" the elevator arrives and they all walk in, "now max, you did read the whole advertisement correct?".
Max didn't, it's was 48 pages long, who would read it all? He just looked at the wage he would get, it started at $100,000 per month. "Yes, I did".
"that's good, most guys are more keen to keep their body's but I guess if your struggling you'll do anything."
Max now confused just nod's and watches though the glass elevator as they fly up to the top floor.
"where here sir" Mark the butler says peacefully in his British accent.
They walk into the room, and Mammon sits at his desk pouring himself a glass of wisky, and Max one too. Max looks around in aww, the room was covered in art work, with the walls painted in golds and whites and had its own bar. "How do you have all this money?" Max asked.
"a mix of many things, this company, and a few investments paid for this whole building, I have many other ways but we're not here for that." Mammon points at the seat," take a seat max" Max sits the chair is made from leather and is very comfy. "So, max, I've gone through your file, I think you're perfect for the job."
"so, does that mean I have the job?" Max replies confused, expecting to be asked a question.
"well yes, if you agree to the terms"
"terms?" Max still confused.
"well yes, you expect to be paid 10times the amount the normal person for this job without any terms or conditions?"
"well I didn't know.." Max gets cut off.
"Max let me simplify them for you. You sacrifice your body to the company, and in trade you get, $100k X the amount you weigh paid into your account per month, So if you weigh 450lbs, you get $450k a month."
"what the fuck? That's sick, I'm not doing that, I'm leaving" and with that Max got up from the chair and stood face to face with Mammon, with the desk all that is separating them. "Your sick, you fa**ot".
With that Mammon's eyes glow a bright red. "I'm a what?" Max got through back against the chair by an invisible force. "Max you could have just left with your freedom, but now look what you've gotten yourself into".
"Let me go, What the fuck?" Max says while traped against that chair, it chreeking with the force of his muscle.
"I'm a fucking demon max, I'm never going to 'let you go'" he took a second break to mock max, "now, what did you say? Fa**ot, was it?".
"fuck, I didn't mean it" the force pins him down harder, trapping his arms against the leather chair arms, and pushing his legs against the underboard. "Please let me go home, I won't do it again."
"shut up max, the process is already starting".
Max looks down to see his body deflating, his pecs turning from mountain peaks to a flat surface, his giant powerful arms turning weak and light. And then looking up he sees a whole new man infront of him.
"Not as big as I thought I would get, but boy I'm big" he took a break to admire his new giant arms and pecs.
"what the?" Max looks in confusion, "how did you do that? Give me them back".
"what are you gonna do max? I'm an infinitely powerful being and you, your an old man, or at least your going to be."
"I'm only 42, what do you mean, going to be?"
"you see I don't have my infinite life span on earth, so to stay alive and in this fit body, I absorb anything a guy has and I want. In your case, these massive muscles, but then I need to absorb their life force as well, in order to make sure I don't age."
"what do you mean life force?"
"well, you have roughly 50 years, worth of life left, I'll drain about 20 years leaving you in your future crippled body at around age 60, force you to work for the company for another 20 years, then when your 80 drain the rest of your life, which after you get fat won't be much, then you got to hell."
"man your sick, let me go, LET ME GO!".
A bright red light shoots from Peters hand enveloping Max's whole body, and he starts to age, his face wrinkling, skin dropping, eye sight worsening, hearing getting muffled, and mind changing a little. "Max, you ok old man?".
"yes sir" max was confused in his mind, why did he say sir?
"max, you ready for your Cruise? You can have tones of food for the next 6 months."
"Yes sir, I'm ready" max lifts his head, opening his eyes to see a new blurry room from his new old eyes.
"you're gonna need these from now on" Peters eyes glow and a new pair of glasses appear on Max's face he can now see clear.
"thank you... Sir", max blinks seeing Peter infront of him, "what have you, done to me".
"Max, I've turned you into the perfect office worker, old, brainiac, who is soon going to get fat and live the rest of his life, in an office chair for me, don't worry for accomodation you live here now, we have apartments on floor 30 to 40, all workers live here, it's policy, we have also sent a team to your house to, well, blow it up, that way nobody is going to be looking for you, becuase we can plant a body"
"give me... My.... Body back, give me... My.. life back."
"Max we both know that will never happen, now enjoy a life of gluttony, and prepare yourself for hell, that's gonna be worse then anything I can do to you." Peter snaped his fingers and a red glow enveloped max.
Recovering from the glow max sees two men infront of him with a trolly of sorts between them. "Is he awake" one says,
"I don't know" said the other.
"im- awake" max said in a much older raspy voice.
"good we can now start the feeding" the man on the left said, his body as muscled as a god, ripped from head to toe, and we can see everything.
Max rubs his eyes under his glasses and opens them again, "Fucking hell, put some clothes on both of you".
Both men where nude, one a ripped god, another muscled up but with a big gut. "Clothes are banned here mate" the beefy man said in a type of Australia accent, "you cant say much fella, look at that tiny pecker".
The men laughed pointing at Max's shriveled up old cock and low hanging balls, "what the fuck"max tries to move his arm to cover him but his arm doesn't move, he looks down to see him stuck in a chair, with a cut out hole under his ass, and straps tying him down, trapping him. "What... Are you gonna do to me?" Max asked sceared.
The men laughed at him again, "no need to act to sceared, we're here to feed you for the next 6 months".
"but... Sir said..." Max get cut off.
"he said you'd be going on a cruise? Fucking hell are you dumb? He's a demon, you shouldn't trust a demon" The muscled guy says.
"bro let's start the feeding we have 50 other guys to see and I wanna watch football Tonight." The beefy guys says, and in unison both their eyes glowed a bright red, showing they where demons too.
The trolly between them had several items on top, one long tube, which floated in the air for a few moments before shoving itself down maxes nostril and deep into his stomach, his head flipped back trying to wriggle it out, but it was stuck. Another item moved into his frame, a IV bag holder, holding a giant barrel type object made of glass, and two large bags floated of the table again and started to drain into the barrel, and the tube connected itself to it, starting a flow of the liquid into maxes stomach.
"done" the beffy guy said. "Now we'll be back tomorrow to refill your barrel, and clean you up if you make a mess, but youll basically be unconscious for the next 6 months, due to the drugs were feeding you."
"so enjoy your sleep mate, you'll litterally wake up a different man." The two men laughed and walked out, max tried fighting the restraints but in his crippled form could do nothing. The door slammed and locked, and the room fell dark, max screamed begging into the darkness to be let free, and to have his life back, which he had only an hour before, but nothing happened, nobody came. He felt the drugs taking effect, but tried to fight back, but it was useless, his body slumped and loosened. His mind fell blank as he drifted of into his 6 month hibernation.
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Any parent please answer?
Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.
Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.
So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.
I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.
So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?
She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.
My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.
Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.
Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.
I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.
Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.
Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.
That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To
be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.
That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.
In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.
But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.
I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.
I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.
So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.
I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.
#send help#please reblog#mental health#parents#mother#father#moms#family#reblog#important#self care#self love#self help#self esteem#self healing#my story
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malamente (m)
pairing: Jung Jaehyun + reader
genre: angst, smut, drama
word count: 8k
summary: bonnie and clyde au! Right now, at the downfall, you can only think back to the basement apartment and the job that barely managed to put food on your mouth. The lack of life on Jaehyun's eyes and how it seemed almost gone the past days. And there's the answer. It was. It was all worth it.
You can see Jaehyun's mouth moving through the black mask but the sound of alarms and sirens are too loud, deafening even. Your hand grips the bag you're holding with much more force than needed, and there's tears on your face that you cant feel right now but it just gives the moment the touch of drama it needs. Jaehyun rushes to you, the gun in his hand pointed upwards as he cups your face, the alarms still going off and the sirens getting closer by the minute. You try to read his lips but its like your mind can't process anything, like you're in a state of shock that nothing can pull you out off.
Was it worth it? Your mind provides. Was any of it worth it?
Right now, at the downfall, you can only think back to the basement apartment and the job that barely managed to put food on your mouth. The lack of life on Jaehyun's eyes and how it seemed almost gone the past days.
And there's the answer. It was. It was all worth it.
✸
The routine repeats itself everyday, as it should. It’s almost as if you’re living on automatic mode. Your shift ends at 8pm. You take off your apron, get your bag and whatever leftover you managed to save for dinner and walk outside to meet Jaehyun, who’s waiting for you with a cigarette on his mouth.
He greets you with a kiss to the cheek, knows too well you despise the taste of the cheap cigarette he smokes. “How was work?” You let him hold your hand, feeling the weight on your body leave just a little bit.
“It was ok, same old.” You liked your job. Your very underpaid job, but still it was something. Your mother taught you how to cook from a young age so it just made sense to make use of the only talent you had. Even if sometimes the manager got on your nerve and made you want to quit. “How’s Yuta?”
Yuta was one of Jaehyun’s closest friends. The one that when everything was way shittier than it its now, taught Jaehyun how to work his way around those fancy music equipments and now they sell jingles for supermarkets every once in a while. “He's fine.“ Is all he replies with, never one to talk too much about matters of work, but today something seems off. Like his mind is somewhere else.
Most days Jaehyun is good at hiding how miserable and exhausted he feels, how it destroys his soul to be wasting the only talent he has on things that are useless. But sometimes all he can do is smoke a whole pack of cigarettes while he argues with you that it would be better if he just found another job, something that pays more but leaves him ten times more dead inside than he is now.
On the other hand, you are the best at hiding it. Feels like that's the only thing that's pushing you both forward, the sweet smile you give him everyday even if your back hurts from sleeping on the old mattress. Even if you're tired of eating eggs everyday because they are cheaper. But after three years it's easy for him to see right past all that.
“You sure you're okay?“ He asks when you both make into the full subway, the amount of people squeezing the two of you together. “You look tired.“
Don’t I always? You want to say, but you just shrug it off. “Yep.” You say, mindlessly. “Just had a long day, is all.”
He presses a kiss to the top of your head, the smell of the cigarette he had earlier still lingering but it doesn’t bother you as much as the kiss makes you feel warm. He is good at that, always has been. Making you feel safe and content without even saying a word.
The rest of the way home is met with a comfortable silence from the both of you. You do this almost everyday, the shady streets don’t change, the flickering light doesn’t go out and the stray cat that stays just outside the stairs that lead you down your small house still hisses at Jaehyun when he tries to pet it. It’s a dreadful routine.
There’s a bill on the counter that you still haven’t gotten the courage to open yet when you enter the kitchen and Jaehyun runs to shower. The lasagna leftover you managed to get at work is something to be thankful for, even if the amount is not really enough for both of you. Still, you heat it and wait for Jaehyun to come out of the shower to eat it.
You’re impatient, fingers running around the counter as the static noise of the microwave fills the room. You eye the bill for a minute before muttering a low ‘fuck it’ and grabbing it. You tear the paper, being met with a long letter detailing the specifics of a deal you made years ago and a reminder that if you don’t pay it soon you will be met with a pretty lawsuit.
A long time ago your dreams were still intact inside of your head, and an acceptance to the university you aimed for just got the best out of your naivety. Drowning yourself in student loan sounded like a good idea at the time, you would be a lawyer by the time you were done with college anyway, more than enough money to pay for it later on. But in the end it didn't turn out like that, having to work two jobs didn’t make attending classes very easy and soon you were a college dropout with no money and an amount of student loan that you wouldn’t be able to pay. Ever.
That exact amount stares at you now, plus taxes, in a bold font and a due date by the end of the month. Great, peachy even. It’s not like it makes your hands shake and your heart beat faster in your chest as you start to panic just a little bit.
You don’t even notice the beeping coming from the microwave, only snapping out of it when Jaehyun walks in the room, hair still wet. “Baby? What’s wrong?” His voice is filled with worry as he makes his way towards you.
He has no comforting words when he takes the piece of paper from your hand and reads it, muttering a little fuck and shaking his head. “Let’s just forget it for now and eat, okay?” Is his clever solution and what can you do but nod.
He tries to make small chat while you eat, trying his best to distract you and it works for the most part. The little anxiety monster not weighing so much on your back.
Later, when you have already showered and you’re both laying on the mattress on the floor he mutters the words that would change everything into the dark. “Do you ever think about how far you would go for money?”
Most of the time you like to think you would never go too far to make money, always staying with the 9 to 5 jobs that didn’t pay that well. But days like this, your mind wanders around the alternatives. “Sometimes, I guess.” You whisper, as if to not disturb the quiet. “What about you?”
You turn around so you’re facing him but his eyes stay glued to the ceiling, as if he is in deep thought. “I would do anything with you.” He replies, not really answering the question but his words weigh on. Little did you know they would stick with you forever.
✸
He makes the proposition on a sunday night, when you both have a day off. The old television is playing reruns of a show Jaehyun liked to watch but you never really cared about. Tonight though he seems a bit uninterested.
He had been acting out of it the whole week, not speaking much and moving around like he’s in a never ending anxiety state.
“Have you heard about the little cafe down the street closing down?” You ask after too long in silence, making small talk as if to settle his nerves.
“Huh?” You watch him blink from your side of the couch before his attention is turned to you. He looks comfortable in his big black hoodie but his hair is just about to get oily from not having washing it. “Why? I thought they were doing well.”
You hum in agreement. “Heard it was because of the robbery couple weeks ago. People don’t really want to get their coffee on a dangerous neighbor.” He just blinks again and you realize he’s not paying attention to what you’re saying. “Is everything okay, baby?”
Out of nowhere he gets up from the bed, standing there looking at you with a weird air in his eyes. “I know a way we can get the debt money.” He says out of nowhere and quickly.
“Oh.” You mutter out dumbly, not really knowing what to say to his abrupt confession.
He scratches the back of his head, passing around the room as if trying to choose the right words. “I - Yuta and I were talking last week and he mentioned this, hm…” His nervous behavior is making you nervous as well and you wish he would just say it already. “He mentioned an opportunity.”
You raise your eyebrows, moving so you are sitting down on the bed, eyes trying to scan his. “What kind?”
Yuta was a great person, he truly was. But like you and Jaehyun, and probably every other person in New York, he struggled with money. Unlike you though, he would sometimes get involved in sketchy business and, against your knowledge, would try to get Jaehyun to do the same.
“You probably won’t like it.” Jaehyun says and you know it’s not something good but you entertain him with a raise of your eyebrows. “Remember Doyoung?”
“The guy with red hair?” You had met Doyoung once, during a small party at Yuta’s party. It was a long time ago, but you still remember his vivid red hair.
Jaehyun nods. “He was doing some work around houses downtown. Cleanings pools and stuff.” He’s still pacing around your small bedroom, avoiding your eyes. “Well one of the men he was working for apparently forgot he had given him a spare key to the house.”
“And where’s the opportunity here?”
“Rich people are dumb, baby. That’s the opportunity.” You let out a small laugh at that. “The man has money hidden in his house and we have access to the keys.”
He does a big gesture to you as if he had just discovered all the secrets of the universe. “Are you suggesting - You want us to rob someone?” You have a hard time processing his words. That’s by far the craziest thing Jaehyun has ever said, the drug dealing idea last year doesn’t even come close to this. “This is crazy. How are we even getting the key from Doyoung? And how are we even supposed to even get inside without being noticed?”
“He’s giving it to us. Knows how much we need the money.” You let out a sigh, throwing your blanket away so you can get up as well. “And the dude will be away for a day next week app-“
“Jaehyun, you’re going crazy. Please look at-“
“No, ____. I’m not-“ He gets antsy at your reaction, finally facing you and cradling your face with both his hands. There’s desperation in his eyes and you want to make him feel at peace again. “We have to, baby. It’s our only chance.”
Of the things you missed the most, hope was one of them. It made things make sense, hoping that everything would work out and tomorrow would be better. You think back to the day you lost it, saw it draining from Jaehyun’s soul as he cried in front of you for the first time. He had looked so fatigued as he looked at you and delivered the news that he got fired from his job and the only thing you could give him was the letter of eviction you had gotten earlier.
After hope is gone you start to live on automatic, just trying to make it through the next day. There’s no silver linings and no alternatives. But this right here, seems like one. It’s a hard thing to admit but it really might be your only chance.
You don’t accept it right away but Jaehyun knows you will eventually. That night you fall asleep with him telling you it will be ok as you cry yourself dry.
✸
Jaehyun gets a car. An old thing that has probably seen better days and which the origin of where it came from is kept hidden from you. He tells you to pack most things you will need for a few weeks, which are not much because you don’t own a lot.
jaehyun gets a gun. A real one that you find out about when he’s driving you downtown, to rob a man’s house from all things.
It’s around 1am but the streets are still busy, with people walking around and the neon signs still on. There’s a song playing that Jaehyun seems to enjoy because he keeps humming to it and for a second you forget about what’s happening. Until he asks you. “Are you nervous?”
There’s no beating around the bush here. “Yes.”
“Me too.” He says back and turns the music on even louder.
Your heart beats like crazy on your chest as Jaehyun enters they key on the lock, as if expecting for alarms to go off and for this to be over before it even starts, but nothing happens. He just opens the door and walks inside.
If the house seemed huge from the outside, it’s even bigger inside. The architecture is minimalist, like the houses you see on the movies and you’re sure there are pieces of art on the walls are worth more than your life.
The sound of your steps on the wood floor echo so you try to walk as slowly as possible, taking in the luxury that surrounds the place.
“You can take whatever you like, just not something that they would notice soon.” Jaehyun's voice snaps you out of your daze, your eyes moving to where he’s heading inside the house. He seems determined and you should be too.
“Okay.” You say back, trailing behind him before you decide to enter what it seems like a big closet.
When you turn the lights on you let your eyes wander, there’s a full corridor full of clothes, shoes and bags that left your mouth gaping. Fashion had always been something you enjoyed but never let yourself fantasize too much about, other than a nice sale at H&M. Now though, you let your hands travel through all the soft and expensive looking fabrics.
Your fingers stop when they touch the softest silk you had ever felt in your entire life, eyes shining when you see the lilac shade of it. A Valentino slip dress so pretty that you feel excited just by holding it and it doesn’t take you long to decide that this wouldn’t be missed.
For the remaining of your search you let yourself be shallow but not too much,, entering bathrooms and taking perfumes and lipsticks with you but not letting yourself get away when you see bags and earrings that call your name.
It feels like hours inside the house before you finally find yourself on the only room you hadn’t been yet and Jaehyuni’s voice is reverberating through the house in search for you.
He finds you on the main bedroom, staring at the huge bed on the center of it. It looks comfortable.
He comes behind you, arms circling your waist and face resting on the crook of your neck. You let out a pleased hum. “Want me to fuck you there, kitten?” He whispers in your ear and even if it does send a shiver down your spine, you scoff at him.
“You’re filthy, Jung Jaehyun.” Your reply makes him laugh, throwing his arm up in defeat.
“A man can only dream.” He says and there’s a lightness to his voice that wasn’t there before but when you turn to look at him there’s still worry in his eyes. “Did you get everything you wanted?”
You nod. “Just a few things.”
He smiles, likes for some reason that you are being bashful about this. “Well I got us a lot of fucking cash.” It makes you laugh, hands moving to rest at his shoulders while you do your best to give him dreamy eyes.
“You did?” He knows what you’re playing at and it only make him smile wider, dimples coming out.
“Mhm-hm.” He says before pressing a quick peck to your lips. “You could even say we’re rich right now. Even got myself a Rolex.”
He shows the watch to you with a smirk on his face. It was always his very out of reality dream to get one and here he was now, proudly showing his wrist off like he bought it with his own money.
“Oh! It’s so pretty.”
“Yeah? You think so?” He asks, one hand moving to your cheek and caressing it with his thumb.
You nod again. “Makes you hotter.” You whisper and he lets out a full laugh, making you smile as well.
“Can’t fucking believe you sometimes. A little vixen, that’s what you are.”
“Can’t help that money makes me horny.” You joke, making him laugh even harder, bending to get the duffel bag that he had dropped to his feet.
You both make sure that everything is set and non suspicious before leaving. Only stopping by the kitchen so Jaehyun can steal a bottle champagne and expensive cheese while you roll your eyes.
The weight on your shoulders only leave when you’re inside the car driving away. It’s then, with the calm of the early morning, the wind on your face and a song playing, that you decide you want to see Jaehyun smiling all the time.
“Jaehyun.” You call out to him and he immediately turns to look at you, hands still on the steering wheel. The worry has left his eyes, leaving space for a peaceful gleam that you absolutely adore. “I love you.”
He gives you a smile, making your insides twist with happiness. “Love you too, angel. You’re my ride or die.”
✸
When you pull up at the road motel it feels like something straight out of a movie, with lights flickering and only a few cars on the huge parking lot.
Jaehyun had promised that as soon as you got back to the city you would go and spend a whole week at a fancy hotel to make up for this. But for now, the motel would had driven 2 hours to get to, would have to do.
It wasn’t bad, you think to yourself, as you enter the little reception. The bed would probably be better than the one you had at home.
“Good morning, welcome to La Luna.” The old lady behind the counters says in an almost robotic voice. She looks way past her bedtime and barely even glances twice at you. “Can I help you?”
“We need a room, for a couple of nights.” Jaehyun replies, glancing at you to make sure you were okay. You give him a small smile.
“We don’t book for more than a day. You have to come back in the morning to check-in again.” The lady says placing a piece of paper on the counter, making him sigh before signing where it was needed.
“That’s okay. We’ll get one for the night and come back again tomorrow.” He says and as soon as the lady gives him the key he’s walking away, you following right behind.
Room 439 is simple. Looks more like a plain hotel room, with the white sheets in the bed and the minimalist decor, then a road motel you have seen in movies.
There’s the sound of the bag Jaehyun was holding falling to the floors, then of the gun being placed on the bedside table. Your eyes glance to the clock right next to it, the red lights indicating that it was a little after 4AM. You should feel tired but your body is tingling with adrenaline and excitement, heart beating slightly too fast.
So you move to the bathroom, bag still in your hand. You can still hear Jaehyun moving around in the bedroom but it feels good to be alone for a second.
Your hands are shaking when you remove the clothes you are wearing, folding them with patience and placing it on the closed toilet lid. Then you remove your underwear, the printing of the tight bra staying behind in slightly red marks. The streams of hot water from the quick shower you take wash them away.
You feel like your heart will burst when you are completely dry, bending to the floor to open the bag with the things you had stolen behind. Stolen. The words echo in your head as you stare at yourself in the fogged mirror. There’s a blush on your cheeks from the heat and your hair is wet. You can barely see the perfume you hold so tightly as you spray your body with it, a pleasant, not too sweet and not too citrusy smell filling your senses.
Then comes the dress, a little folded for being in the bag, but still the most beautiful piece of cloth you had ever seen. You almost moan when the fabric hits your skin, the lilac of it looking almost angelic on you. It’s a pretty dress, stopping at your mid thigh and with the straps not doing much to keep you covered.
Looking in the mirror again, you see yourself. None of the things on your body are yours, but it’s still you.
When you walk inside the bedroom again a shiver runs down your spine from the cold air. Jaehyun is sitting on the bed, his now naked back is turned to you as he goes through the channels on the tv.
It's silly but you clear your throat, trying to get his attention. It works and he turns so he's facing you, smile immediately painting his face. “Damn, baby. You look so pretty.“ He says genuinely and you can't help but smile back, your cheeks turning pink. “Come on, come here.“ He pats his thighs and you walk to him, until you're standing between his open legs.
“Do you like it?“ You twirl around a little so the dress follows, giggling.
He moves his hands to your thighs, rubbing through the dress and humming. “Of course, you look so beautiful.“ He presses a kiss to your clothed stomach, then another to the exposed area of your chest. “Smell so good too. Makes me want to eat you up.“
He looks at you then, eyes filled with something that you probably mirror and you can only reply with a little oh, making him laugh at you before finally pressing a kiss to your lips.
Its quick before soon he's getting off the bed and moving you to where the champagne bottle is. “We should celebrate, huh?“ His voice is playful as he gets the bottle on his hands. “It's not everyday you become a millionaire.“
You laugh out loud. You are far from being a millionaire but it does feel like it, on this small hotel room with your designer dress and Jaehyun smiling at you. When he pops the champagne open you clap your hands and he moves it to his mouth trying to not get it to fall on the floor, but instead it drips down his neck, a bit getting on his chest. It makes something inside you tingle.
“Can I have some?“ You ask, getting closer to him.
“Sure, baby. Open up.“ You do as he says, parting your lips and tilting your head back a little so he can pour it on your mouth. He watches you the whole time, and after you have gulped down he places the bottle on the desk again, hands moving to your neck. Impatient, you close the distance first, smashing your lips together and almost groaning in frustration when he smiles against your mouth as if teasing you for being so eager.
The kiss is hungry from the start, with his hands moving to your hips and you pulling on his lips. When you moan a little at the feel he opens his mouth a little, sliding his tongue against yours and you swear you will never get enough of this.
Your hands move down, trying to unbutton his jeans but he distracts you with nips to your lower lip. “So eager, kitten.” He murmurs against your lip and you blush for being caught on your desperation. His hand moves down your dress, gripping at your bare ass before he’s smacking it, bringing a yelp to your lips. If you weren’t wet already you sure were now. “Are you gonna be a good girl for me, huh?”
You nod, earning yourself another smack. “Y-yes, I’ll be a good girl. Please, please...” You whimper and he kisses you hard again, sucking at your lips and your grip at his shoulders.
He goes down, kissing at your jaw, then your earlobe and then he’s biting at your neck, making you squirm but he keeps you still with a strong grip on your waist. His other hands goes to the thin strap of your dress, pushing it down until it falls on one side, exposing your breasts to him.
He wastes no time, mouth going to your chest as he latches his lips to one of your hard nipples and you let out a moan, hands gripping his nape. “Oh — Oh my god….”
He gives the same attention to the other nipple and you feel overwhelmed already, always had been too sensitive. You don’t even notice when he pushes the other strap down and the dress falls to the floor. “Such a pretty dress, baby.” He mutters against your chest. “But you look much better like this.”
He drops to his knees, hands roaming your body before they stop at your hips. One kiss to your stomach, then another and he’s finally where you want him the most. Taking his time, he pressed the littlest of kisses to your bare cunt before he’s pressing his tongue to it. You cry out at the feeling, hands moving to grip the table in front of you as he laps at you entrance, collecting your wetness there before he’s moving to your clit.
He likes this as much as you do, humming against you and licking you so deeply you feel the urge to press your thighs together. He always said he could stay between your legs until his jaw got strained, he wouldn’t mind. “Taste so fucking good.” You can feel the vibrations of his voice through you, a shiver running down your body.
“Please, Jae… ‘M so close.” Your fingers grip his hair, pushing his mouth further and he hums again when you try to move against his mouth.
“That’s it, kitten.” He groans, muffled by you. “Ride my face.”
You did, grip on his hair only getting tighter as he continued to lick and suck you, two of his fingers slipping inside of you. It’s when he curls them and flicks his tongue just right on your clit you let out a cry. “Oh — Jae… I’m gonna cum— I’m…”
Your walls tighten around his fingers and then you’re seeing all white. Mouth falling open as he continues to lick, gentler this time, you through your orgasm.
You have barely gotten your breath back before he’s dragging you to the bed, leaving his pants and briefs behind. His chest was shining with a light sheen of sweat as he hovers over you before dropping your lips to yours, making you taste yourself on his tongue.
“Want you.” He mutters against your lips and you know, can feel him pressing against your thigh. “Want you so fucking bad.”
He nuzzles his face against yours, before kissing your neck again. “Please…” You whine, arching your back to try and get closer to him. “Fuck me… Please.”
“Yeah? Want me inside?” His voice was lower with around, hand moving to grip his cock and slicking the head with your wetness. You open your legs wider for him. “Want me inside your tight little pussy?”
You nod your head, walls clenching at his words and he presses the head at your entrance, biting his lips. He slides in slowly, feeling you pulsing against him and making him groan loudly. He feels so good you could see stars right now.
You lock your ankles behind him, bringing him closer and he lets out a moan. “Just a sec, baby. Just a — fuck….”
The first thrust has you both moaning, your hands moving to grip at his shoulders, nails drawing crescents on his skins. You’re both on a high and he can’t control himself, each thrust getting harder than the last one as he grunts in your ear, begging you to come for him. You can hear faintly in the background the sound of the bed squeaking but the sound of your moans and of skin slapping drowns it.
“Oh, fuck…” You yelp when his fingers get in contact with your clit, rubbing it until you’re coming for the second time, back arching off the bed.
After that he sets a sloppy rhythm, thrusting faster until he’s pressing deep inside of you with a grunt and filling you up with his release. “Fuck, Fuck —Shit.”
You whimpers when he pulls out, feeling his release falling out on the bed and your ass. He drops his head to your neck, pressing a kiss to your cheek before laughing lowly.
He gets up after a moment and disappears into the bathroom, coming back with a small wet towel he uses to clean you up. “You need to pee?” He asks and you shake your head.
“I will in a minute.” You open your arms for him. “Come here now.”
He does as told, falling into your arms and pressing kisses all over you. “I love you, baby.” You giggle and that makes him look at you with an intensity that wasn't there before. “I really do, you know that right? I would kill for you.”
You look at him with glossy eyes, hands moving to his cheek. “I know.” Your thumb massages his worried eyebrows. “And I love you too.”
He turns his head so he can kiss your hand. “Would you?” He asks before continuing. “Kill for me?”
You think about it for a second before deciding. “I would.” And that’s final.
✸
The thing about ambition is that it never seems enough, it blinds you and the only think you can think about is more and more.
After 3 days, Jaehyun drops a balaclava onto the hotel bed as you're balancing yourself on it and trying to paint your toenails. “What's this?“ You ask, eyebrows raising as he drops the rest of the things he bought from the closest convenience store he could find.
“There's a small town, about 30 minutes from here.“ He starts, getting a package of oreos from the shopping bag and ripping it open with his teeth. “Apparently nothing really happens there during the weekend… and the bank closes down.“
He lets his words hang in the air. You know exactly what's he's implying, deciding to stay quiet for a minute, taking your time applying the black nail polish and keeping your eye on it as it dries. Him chomping down oreo after oreo like he didn't just suggest what he did just makes you the more antsy. “So?“
He knows you're playing dumb. “It's an opportunity.“ He replies, simple and dry, making you scoff loudly.
“An opportunity to fucking ruin our lives, is what you mean.“ Before the words are even out of your mouth he's already sighing and throwing his arms up.
“Come on, it's gonna be eas-“
“Easy? Are you out of your mind?“ You interrupt him, blood already boiling as you close down the nail polish and get out of bed. “Do you think this is some kind of movie, huh?“
You try to go to the bathroom so this argument won't last as long as it seems to and hopefully give him time to drop the stupid idea, but he doesn't let you. Stepping in front of you, you can smell the oreo coming from his mouth and it mixes with the nail polish making you want to be sick. “Please, baby. Listen to me.“ He pleads and you just roll your eyes. This is insane. He looks like he's going insane. “I have it all figured out, trust me.“
“Yeah? Like you are some crime genius, for fucks sake.“ You whisper yell and he bites his lips in anger, trying his best not to snap at you. It would only make it worse. “It's a dumb idea, you know it.“
“Jesus, I knew you would fucking flip on me.“ He walks away from you, pinching the bride of his nose before turning to you again.
You don't even bother replying, stomping your way to the bathroom and locking the door as he tells you to stop being fucking crazy for a second. Before any of this, your fights with Jaehyun were always about trivial things, like him leaving the lights on when he went out or you using all the hot water before he could even shower. They were still intense, with screaming and door banging, but it always ended up with one of you giving in, showering the other with affection to make up for the harsh words said. This time would be no different.
You sit on the closed toilet, watching the black polish on your toes dry for about 5 minutes before the knock on the door comes. “Hey, baby… I'm sorry, okay?“ He says with a sigh. “Didn't mean to snap at you but I really need you to hear me out.“
When you don’t reply he takes it as a sign to keep going, voice low and calm. “We should - need to get more money. the amount we have right now is only enough to like, barely pay out our debts.” His words make you slightly nervous, and only thinking about the life before this sends shivers down your spine. “If we get more we can move out of that shithole, you know? Like we talked about. We just’ need to do this and then it will be over, I promise you.”
Sometimes you like to think about this as a vacation. So far it felt like you were in a dream and none of your previous worries could touch you here. A dangerous line of thought, you knew that, but it was easier to not know the amount of money you had so far and what the mere implication of it going wrong would imply. You had let the hard parts for Jaehyun to take care of and now he throws it at your face, even if his soft voice and promises try to blind you from it. This won’t be over so fast, or at all.
You get up too fast, vision going black and a sting hitting your head, so when you open the door the image of him is blurred. “Tell me about the plan.” Is all you say.
-
It's not the best weather for a weekend. The grey in the sky makes for a gloomy sunday but feel like it's perfect. You Are nervous, more than the last time and you can tell Jaehyun is as well, but he holds your sweaty palm in his for the entire ride as you try not to think about all the things that could go wrong. There's a lot, but you push then aside for now.
The city is indeed vacant, just a few convenience stores open and in your mind you think that it would be much easier to just rob one of them, but Jaehyun had argued that it would take robbing 5 stores to get what you would in a bank. He's right, you assume. You wish you had a gun right now.
When he parks just outside the back entrance to the bank you feel like puking the oreos you had as a breakfast and your head spins with how fast you're shaking. ”I should've stayed at the hotel.” You mutter and he gives you a look.
”I need you here.” For what, you wonder. To drive the car if you need a quick escape? To hold the bag as he puts the money inside it? To tell him it's gonna be okay even if the your gut is telling you to get out of there right now?
You just nod, putting on the black balaclava when he hands it to you. It constricts your breathing even more, making you feel light headed but you still follow him.
The whole thing happens in 4 quick steps that feels like forever for you.
Jaehyun manages to get the back door open without the alarms going off and you let out a breath that almost makes you choke. It goes according to the plan, making you wonder where he learned to do this and the only coherent answer is that Yuta taught him somehow. Then he's pacing around, balaclava covering his face as he enters a room and tells you to stay at the door. You stay frozen, heart beating in your ears in an almost deafening way. You feel like a decoy, not doing anything important but hold the bag tightly on your fists.
It's about 30 minutes before Jaehyun is walking out, wads of cash on his hand and your head does a spin again. ”Come on, open the bag.” He rushes and you do as told on automatic. That's it? It shouldn't have been so easy, It can't be.
He puts the money there and you can see he's shaking too. You wish you could see his face right now. ”It - It worked?” Your voice is hoarse and you look at him expectantly. Then it happens. Before he can answer the sound hits your ears. The most deafening alarm and the red lights lighting up the whole place. Jaehyun mutters a low fuck, and zips the bag in a rush.
You knew something was wrong, nothing bad should ever be that easy. You mind rushes with thoughts of how the cops got there so fast and why the alarm didn't sound when you walked in. Your eyes land on the cameras and your curse both of you for being so dumb and not thinking of that. In the back of your panic you can see Jaehyun moving trying to do god knows what and telling you to move, but you're stuck in place, legs shaking and you're sure you would fall face into to the floor if you dared to walk. It's done, there's no coming back now.
You can see Jaehyun's mouth moving through the black mask when he comes closer to you, but the sound of alarms and sirens are too loud, deafening even. The red lights are much brighter now. Your hand grips the bag you're holding with much more force than needed, and there's tears on your face that you cant feel right now but it just gives the moment the touch of drama it needs. Jaehyun rushes to you, the gun in his hand pointed upwards as he cups your face, the alarms still going off and the sirens getting louder by the minute. You try to read his lips but its like your mind can't process anything, like you're in a state of shock that nothing can pull you out off.
Was it worth it? Your mind provides. Was any of it worth it?
Right now, at the downfall, you can only think back to the basement apartment and the job that barely managed to put food on your mouth. The lack of life on Jaehyun's eyes and how it seemed almost gone the past days.
And there's the answer. It was. It was all worth it.
He removes the balaclava from your head, throwing it somewhere before he's gripping your face again. He presses a kiss to your cheeks, before he whispers the words in your ear. You want to protest, to fight him, but he's much stronger than you, ripping the bag from your hands and making you drop to the ground as the cold barrel of the gun presses to the side of your head. You can finally feel the tears on your face.
What happens next is a blur, the cops burst in, guns in hand and telling Jaehyun to drop the gun and put his hands where they can see it. He tells them he will kill you if they come any closer. For a minute you wish he would, just end it already. You just want it to be over.
He lets them get him, being thrown to the floor as they handcuff him and you let out a sob as one officer pulls you up by the elbow. ”Its okay, miss. You're safe now.” Is what he says and you almost laugh between a muffled sob. It's pathetic how they fell into it.
You cry all the way to the police station, body shaking, almost begging for them to sedate you already. Its too much for you. You think about Jaehyun and where they are taking him right now. You don't want to live in a world without him.
They take you to a room that is all grey after examining for any injuries.. Theres a cup of tea on the table in front of you and an officer stares you up and down. You feel heavy, cheeks stained and a headache even though you have calmed down a lot by now.
The officer clears his throat, getting your attention. ”We understand this is a delicate situation you are in, miss. So we won't take long with the questions.” He's being too nice and you want to scoff. ”We just need to understand what went on, is that okay?”
You nod and he continues, eyeing the paper in front of him. ”What we gathered from the ordeal is that the criminal by the name Jung Jaehyun kidnapped you, is that correct?”
You swallow a lump in your throat, remembering the words he had said before it went down. The lies he said would make it better. ”Y-yes.” You lie through your teeth, and the man in front of you writes it down. ”He told - He said he needed someone to - I don't know, it was all very confusing. I can't remember.”
“Did he assault or attempted to touch you in any wa-?”
“No!” You exclaim a bit too loudly and the man gives you a look. You clear your throat and try again. “No, he did not.”
He writes that down too and you shift anxiously in your seat. “Well, that’s all we need for now. But we’ll have to keep you around a bit longer in case something comes up, I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s ok.” You say and then your mind acts for itself. “Can I see him?”
You had to try, even if it sent the whole plan to the space. You didn't know when or if you would ever be able to see him again, so you had to try. The officer looks at you with pity. “Afraid not.” He says kindly. “And you shouldn't want to either, that man could have hurt you.”
There’s a pang in your heart when you hear those words but you just hum.
✸
Orange doesn’t suit him.
It had been a year and half now but every time you saw him in the color, it made you want to throw up. He had been sent to a prison 15 minutes away from your city, and every 20 days they would allow you to go there and visit him.
After 6 months of only being able to see him through the thick glass and hear his voice through the phone, they finally let you really see each other during the visits. It was bittersweet, seeing him in that place, where you should be as well. But being able to touch him and just see his face made it a little better. There was only 4 years to go now.
”Hello, pretty.” He says when you sit down on the round table, across from him You are wearing the floral dress he likes so much and it makes him smile. You wish you could kiss him, but you satisfy yourself with holding his hands.
”How have you been?” It's always the same question, but you always have to know. He has a bit of stubble going on that you think suits him very well.
”You know, same old, same old. Started reading that book you brought in last time.” Last time had been 5 weeks ago, because you couldn't contain yourself and started an argument and didn't want to see him for all that time. You both ignore that now, deciding to enjoy what little time you have together. ”Missed you like crazy.”
Longing. That's what his eyes are full of when he looks at you and your heart hurts the same way it did almost 2 years ago. The same way it hurts everyday. ”Please don't say that.” You whispers, avoiding his eyes.
Sometimes you wish you could just go back to that sketchy motel room in the middle of nowhere. With the champagne and the silk dress. But that was a long time ago and now you must pay the price for it.
He changes the subject for you. ”Is Yuta treating you well?”
”Yeah, he's fine.” You had been staying with Yuta since it all happened, trying to stay as low as you possibly could in fear of the consequences of the lawsuit you got yourself in. Yuta had been nice enough to let you stay at his house, but you knew he felt a little guilty for guiding Jaehyun in that stupid plan.
A man knocks on the glass door suddenly, signaling that your time is almost over, and Jaehyun's hold on your hand gets a bit tighter.
”Promise me you'll come next time?” How could you say no when it hurts you just as much as it does him if you don't. ”Please.”
”I promise.” You say, squeezing his hand in return. ”I will do anything for you, Jae.”
That night when you lay down in bed you think back to the day he told you about the plan, how he held you in his arms as you cried. Back then you thought you would never feel as miserable as that again.
When you close your eyes you dream of lasagna leftovers, the taste of cigarettes on your lips and Jung Jaehyun with a gun on his hand..
#jaehyun scenarios#jaehyun smut#nct smut#nct scenarios#neowritingsnet#finally something longer than 1k!#hope u guys like#its a bit sad
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Meet Billie Maybank
Heres everything you need to know about her before the series starts.I dont know when i’ll post the first chapter but Maybank!OC X Rafe won the vote.
BIllie is older than JJ,1 year and four months to be exact.
She’s overprotective of JJ,known to put herself between him and Luke so she recieves the beatings instead of him.He’s yelled at her several times for it,calling her an idiot but she doesnt care.
She’s a known theif,sometimes going around beaches and taking beer and snacks from people’s coolers.
She may not look it but she is one scary bitch.She carries a lighter on her at all times,often threatening to set people on fire with it when she doesnt get what she wants.
Over the years shes gotten Luke to fear her after setting his leg hair on fire and completely burning the lower half of his left leg.
She doesnt have a boyfriend but could probably get any guy she wants.She’s known to flirt with people for fun,liking the power that she has.
She doesnt do things unless they benefit her or JJ.
She intends on getting legal custody over her younger brother when she turns 18,acting as more of a mother for him than a sister.
She’s a pretty good surfer but prefers to people watch most of the time.
She’ll go after anyone who wrongs her or JJ.It doesnt even matter who it is,it could be Rafe Cameron or just some random pogue that called him a bitch.
She’s broken into a handful of houses to take money or jewlery,never taking enough for them to notice though.
She likes Kiara most out of all of JJ’s friends,always checking in on the brunette to make sure that everyone is nice to her.Then she found out about Sarah Cameron,deciding to fuck up the girls life just a little bit.She didnt hold a lighter to her hair or anything like that,instead deciding to steal her packages for a week and leave the girl in a bitter mood.
She has a scar on her left hip and one on her rib cage from a particularly bad beating with brass knuckles.
She’s stalked Barry before,seeing him as a threat to JJ’s safety.She had sat in his room,watching him sleep from the corner.He had taken a lot of shit that night,in a sleep so deep that he didnt feel the cold end of her lighter pressed against his beard.
She’s on the quiet side,rarely talking unless its threatening someone or asking her brother how he had been.
She preferred JJ to stay at John.B’s because it was safest for him.
She’s gone to a few boneyard parties,deciding that they werent meant for her.
Her nickname is “Bill” but only JJ can call her that.
Luke wanted a boy which is the reason she got a masculine name.JJ always found it funny at doctors appointements when her name would get called and she would stand up.The nurse always expected that JJ would be Billie and Billie would be JJ but everyone reacted different.
She wears either black or white most of the time,JJ’s clothes also being hers.They always shared which meant if she were to buy new clothes she couldnt buy anything too feminine and it had to be very oversized on her so it could fit JJ too.
She has to be strong all the time so she isnt vulnerable,scared that Luke would use that as an advantage.She doesnt want JJ to see her break down either so she just has to pretend that shes fine even when she isnt.
She likes the colors pink and yellow a lot but doesnt own anything that is pink or yellow.
She doesnt own much outside of oversized clothes,lighters and a backpack.
She’s constantly doing pull ups on tree branches to make sure she has enough upper body strength just in case.
Her and JJ have been planning their life after she becomes an adult for years.The ideal plan would to have their own small house and get good jobs to save up enough money so she wouldnt have to steal anymore.
She’s really manipulative and is good at messing with people’s emotions,able to gain their trust after a single conversation.Thats another thing that makes her scary,she knows enough about everyone on the island from people watching that she could ruin their lives.
SHe never takes off her shoes,knowing that if she does she’d probably get glass or a screw in her foot.
She’s done some strange jobs for kooks before.That includes cleaning animal bones up from bushes for $800 with no questions asked.
She hates being touched.She’s fine with hugging JJ every once in a while but anyone else will be slapped if they even try.
If JJ tells her he’ll be gone at John.B’s for two weeks she’ll leave the house,glad to know that he wouldnt be there.She didnt really have anywhere to go,usually ending up on long walks on the beach,falling asleep and watching the people bring their coolers and abandon them to go in the water.
Her favorite thing ever is to steal people’s clothes and hide them around the beach.
Her hair is usually messy and smells of salt because Luke doesnt have enough money to pay the water bill.Sometimes she’ll shower at Kiara’s house but most of the time will have to wash her hair in a public bathroom sink when it gets too oily.
She likes to sleep when she can,usually when Luke isnt yelling about something.
She’s always wanted a pet rabbit.She doesnt know why,she just likes the idea of being able to touch something soft and have control over something in her life.
Shes average height (Around 5′4) but she doesnt know her exact height.She hasnt been to a doctors office for a check up in four years.
She has depression and PTSD but cant really go to a therapist because of her situation,usually just writing down thoughts and burning the paper afterwards.
She has a habit of chewing up to three packs of gum a day because its cheap and almost feels like she’s eating actual food.
@sexytholland @28cnn @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel @jj-iz-bae
@sunwardsss @meaganjm @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @natalie-kate-98 @nxsmss @broken-jj @outerbongs @copper-boom @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl @simonsbluee @jiaraendgame @khiaraaa-in-spacee @on-socks-off
Comment with a blue emoji if you want to be tagged in the series.
#rafe cameron#rafe obx#rafe cameron imagine#rafe fanfiction#rafe x oc#jj maybank#maybank#outerbanks#outerbanks fanfic#billie maybank
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Hey so, I was one of the star struck falsettos stans that spent the forty dollars for the webinar, and I took notes (like a weirdo). So I decided I would share my funny moments and updates from the cast here!
- Host: Everyone should be keeping their audio off.
Christian: Oh alright!
Host: nO Christian not you
- Christians in Manhattan and his hair is back and he’s wearing a Superman t-shirt.
- Brandon is with his parents in NJ
- Stephanie and Brandon still love each other
- Brandon: Meat should be cooked just right
- Betsy: Stephanie are you in maple wood?
Stephanie: Well thank you for telling everyone where I am (she’s in NJ)
- Stephanie: Are you fucking kidding meee!!!
- Tracie is in LA, she looks like she’s in Costa Rica and I love her dog.
- Anthony’s VOICE IS LOW EVERYONES FREAKING OUT
they’re all talking about Anthony’s clear skin
- Andy Randy is in LA with a fresh haircut his boyfriend did it and he’s watching too much TV
Andrew: I’m watching this is America
Stephanie: SO GOOD
Andrew: SO GOOD
- Everyone’s having hard days
- Christian is acting out tracies dog’s pathetic bark and everyone’s like WHAT are you doing bc it looks like he’s about to throw up
- BETSY IS A WEEK AWAY FROM HAVINGA WHOLE CHILD
Betsy: What else do you do during a pandemic? Have a baby!
Andrew: Can I toss out another baby name? Celery.
Literally everyone: Goodnight Andrew goodbye!
- Christian is living with a girl (?) and playing board games instead of watching television
HE COOKS NOW EVERYONES PROUD OF HIM
Christian: yesterday I made pork filet en croute
Stephanie: I MADE PORK WITH SAGE AND APPLES ON WEDNESDAY
Stephanie: In mean girls they wear pink on wednesdays. In falsettos they make pork.
- I can’t get over Anthony’s voice
Again everyone returning to his literally perfect skin
- Stephanie: When watching four jews in a room in the beginning who’s in China?? I know the answer I just want to hear someone say it.
Andrew, with a thick accent: It was Bryna, in China, with a torn miniscus
- Christian: Did anything interesting make it on to the telecast between me and you? Andrew? Actually I dont remember I need to do my research.
Andrew: There’s been some strange comments about Christian and I- (AT THIS POINT IM WHEEZING)
HE MENTIONED THE TONY BONY
HE SAID IT WASNT A THING
HE DIDNT HAVE ONE
Andrew: No that’s not a thing that happened
Brandon: Andrew i want you to know that it’s okay if it was. It’s a safe space just the seven of us. (Lol)
- Bill Finn would take two steps into the room: “WROONG”
Stephanie: he wanted me to sing the end of I’m breaking down up the octave and I said #notmytrina
Brandon: #NOTMYTRINA
- Tracie what did you do during act 1
Tracie: Betsy and I sat in that dressing room for like an hour and a half
Andrew: You SANG the WHOLE SHOW TRACIE
- Betsy watched parts of the first act to feel like she was there
- Betsy sprained both her ankles at one point during the run and was a trooper anyways
Brandon reenacting Betsy limping during look look look look
Everyone dies laughing
Christians LAUGH makes me SO HAPPY
- Betsys screen is frozen like this: 🤨
Andrew: What if she went into labor??? (This is a common thread throughout the zoom)
- Anthony: I’m getting a lot of glitching so Stephanie is just like “HUH UH UH UH”
- Betsy comes back and everyone is like
YOU GUYS ITS COMING!!!
- They bought Andrew an ice cream for his birthday from the vending machine at rehearsal
- Andrew: The Hawaii crop top
Betsy: I would give anything to have that
- Tracie: it was very hard. Very precise bringing the blocks together
Brandon: Trying to be like oh my god we’re going to a funeral
Andrew: MY DEATH IT WAS MY DEATH
- fan question: What did the blocks weigh?
Stephanie: They were like thick yoga blocks. Not heavy but awkward shaped
Andrew: Significantly heavier when Anthony sat on them
Anthony: I just realized how much I got thrown around
Stephanie: Anthony were you proud of yourself? #proudofyou
Anthony: The one moment I was cringing was father and son
Christian: HERE WE GO *SLAPS TABLE*
Betsy: Anthony’s like BLAH BLAH BLAH blah my line BLAH BLAH BLAH my line BLAH BLAH
Christian: I LEAVE THE PAUSE IF YOU CANT GET IN THATS ON YOU
Anthony: I was blinking in that number like constantly
Christian: THE WHOLE THING LIKE A SALAMANDER
Oh Anthony.
- Andrew: I HAVE A STORY ABOUT CHRISTIAN BORLE. Tech for what more can i say. He was laying on me. We were shirtless in underpants under the blankets.
Christian: SLOWER
Andrew: he leaned over; He sniffed his armpit and said “I hope you like France”
EVERYONE DIES LAUGHING INCLUDING ME
Christian: i haven’t worn deodorant in 10 years true story
- Christian: i seem to remember holding our pillows and blankets pretending like we were partying on fyre island and Andrew said:
Andrew: WHATS YOUR NAME???
Christian: No no it was something like:
WHAT HOUSE ARE YOU STAYING IN??
Andrew: WHAT HOUSE ARE YOU STAYING IN???
Betsy: James lupine I feel like we’re ruining this show
- Andrew: The shenanigans were real but so was the sadness
Stephanie: We’re real and we’re funny what you gonna do
- Andrew talking about how hard the show was to do: Finding some liberty, It’s a hard world to live in all the time. It was a hard time especially for Christian. I would sometimes go home and cry for no reason
Brandon: Building up emotion with nowhere to put it
Betsy: then Lesbians come in and provide all the levity
Stephanie: Although Dr. Charlotte brings in horrible news
Tracie: Everything’s beautiful at what more can i say and I’m like not so fast
- Tracie always had a funny thing to say
- Who broke character the most on stage?
Anthony Stephanie and Christian
Anthony: it was when I said “I don’t want a bar mitzvah” and I spit in your face a lot and you went like *puts arms up* and someone at stage door was like very condescending like it’s not professional
Christian: Oh my bad we’re people sorry
- Stephanie wrote a line in the show “YOU HAVE PAINTINGS OF DICKS”
- James wanted her to cut off her finger during I’m breaking down
And turn around with a bandaged bloody finger
- Betsy’s nose bleeding during something bad is happening
And Tracie was like something BAD IS HAPPENING
Tracie: Christians throwing up right now
Betsy: Bloody Kleenex up the nose THE SHOW MUST GO ON
- Fan question: Stephanie how do you belt with a banana in your mouth
Christian: Practice practice practice
Stephanie: just shove it in your cheek. But Really that wasn’t supposed to happen
Anthony’s nickname in the rehearsal room was little bananas because he had to gather up all the pieces of stuff after Stephanie shoved the table over with her rear. Sometimes he didn’t have enough time to put it somewhere so he would just put the pieces of banana in his mouth and that’s where it came from
That’s why
- Andrew: Stephanie your glasses are very chic
Stephanie: Oh my gosh thank you *shocked*
- Betsy: Bill was like I’d rather DIE than change lyrics for the pbs special
FLaT aS a LaKe
- Cue everyone accidentally talking over each other and saying what at each other for 30 seconds
Christian: what? what? what?
Who is it?
What’s going on?
- If you could play anyone else in the show who would it be
Anthony said Mendel
Tracie said Mendel
Brandon said Trina
Andrew said marvin
Betsy said whizzer
Stephanie said Mendel
And I honestly couldn’t hear if Christian said anything whoops
- Brandon: If someone could at some point explain to me the Mendel eats dirt meme? People have been Asking me if Mendel eats dirt? I don’t think it’s about Trina Trina is not the dirt. I was overwhelmed. Can someone in the Q&A explain this? *A few seconds later* oh It was from a meme generator?
Christian: Greaat.
Brandon: It’s a fan fiction about Mendel eating dirt and getting aroused by it
Everyone: WHAT
- They still get fan art
Someone recreated the whole soundtrack 8bit and also with KAZOOS
- Brandon: CONGRATS CHRISTIAN ON LULOS WIN FOR LITTLE SHOP. If you haven’t seen Christian in little shop it’s revelatory I’m not just blowing smoke up your ass I have not laughed that hard in a while at the theatre
- Christian talking about little shop
Christian has a 12 inch Batman toy in his dressing room and he misses it
- Ticket prices were getting out of control before corona everyones hoping this will make a difference
Brandon and everyone think it should get more accessible
- Brandon: Hear hear I need a refill
- Stephanie: Your hair looks incredible Brandon (it did)
Christian: She’s been waiting to talk about it for 53 minutes
- Andrew: Well Betsy what I’m wondering is have you crowned yet??
Proceed everyone dying
Brandon, taking a picture of the screen: This moment will go down in history as When Betsy was asked if she was crowning
- Everyone mimicking zoom freezing by starting a sentence and freezing halfway through
- Christian: What new Steven sondheim musical are you excited about Anthony *devilish grin*
Anthony having no idea what Christian is talking about
Christian: Come on Anthony you know the answer. Ugh. The minds of the young. You’re smoking pot now aren’t you??
Christian: We have a lot of fun
- Andrew: I’m trying to get people to pay attention to me
- Christians pretending to be frozen
Cue a lot of yelling: Stephanie BRANDON STEPHANIE
NO CHRISTIAN
Everyone accusing each other of being frozen
NO YOURE FROZEN
- Andrew: Let’s all act like we’re frozen
Steph: I see Andrew acting like hes frozen
Betsy: Watching you do that is killing me
- Listening to the cast recording for the first time together
Stephanie: Why was I the a-hole that couldn’t be there???
Christian: That’s a question only you can answer
- Betsys husband came in everyones like BETSY LOOK OUT
Christian: that scared the shit out of me
- What is marvins last name and what was his line of work
Christian: we definitely said it at some point right? (They didnt) but he was in advertising. What was the last name? Gardens? O’Malley?
- Andrew: Betsys gone oh no
Betsy: I’m right here!!!
Andrew: She’s giving birth (again)
Stephanie: Betsy Wolfe is a ceiling
- Brandon: Welcome back Anthony. You’re here now.
Anthony singing merrily we roll along over Betsy trying to tell a story
Christian: STOP SMOKING POT IN YOUR BEDROOM ANTHONY
- Betsy: Steve (Steven Sondheim) comes to the door I call him steve
Into the woods is the reason Betsy is in theatre
- Betsy: Andrew was nervous singing at the tonys for Book of Mormon and he got dry mouth he sang like 😬I BELIEVE and he licked his lips so much during the song.
Brandon: Did you have a boner then too?
Andrew: GUYS DONT BE DICKS
Stephanie: It’ll be like dry mouth, boner
Andrew: BETSY YOU FUCKIN BITCH ITS ACTUALLY NOT THAT BAD
Stephanie: Bets maybe we should wrap it up
- Brandon sings MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
EVERYONE TELLING HIM TO STOP SINGING I took a video it was beautiful might post that later
- “Tracie Thomas from Lent!”
Tracie having stage fright
Tracie: Billy porter said “oh child we all forget the words” and walked away
- Anthony said WHO SHAT THE BED in four jews once
Anthony: That’s my contribution. Steph got her line, I got who shat the bed
- Steph: We lost andrew oh no
Christian: Um, we lost andrew ten minutes ago. Yeah when Brandon started singing
- Then Betsy sang a song by Bill Finn beautiful
- Steph: Wear your masks and eat pork on wednesdays
That was it!! I hope you enjoyed and people who were there if I got anything wrong that’s my human error it was hard to note everything I wanted to. Smooches! Byee
#falsettos#falsettos reunion#christian borle#andrew rannells#stephanie j block#betsy wolfe#tracie thoms#anthony rosenthal#brandon uranowitz#falsettoland#musical theatre#zoom reunion#marvin falsettos#whizzer brown#trina falsettos#cordelia falsettos#dr charlotte#jason falsettos#mendel weisenbachfeld#broadwayhd#broadway cares#broadway evolved
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@dalniente I’m making a new post for this
So based off our previous conversation I’m reposting this thing separately because I went for a walk and words started percolating and now I have three pages written already and there would be SO MUCH PINING. Because of course they cant be married they just need to get an annulment there’s no way this could ever, would ever work between them...right?
Original idea below based on the idea that Roxanne bills Megamind for destroyed shoes and clothing for the last seven years
Just Megamind looking over this list Roxanne’s presented him with and just going “Minion fetch the piggy bank!” and just smashing it open to hand her a diamond or something! And then being like, “Wait no that ones flawed you need something better...aha!” and hands her a better diamond on a ring instead (my brain escalates these things. Its what it does) and Roxanne just boggles and throws it back at him shouting “I wanted to get my shoes replaced not for you to ask me to marry you!”
“I wasn’t asking you to marry me!” Megamind did not think this through he’s panicking and Roxanne is looking furious and elsewhere in Metro Wayne Scott’s superhearing just heard the words “Marry me” and yes finally things are happening its about time.
“Well good!” Roxanne should not open her big mouth when she’s angry this is utterly humiliating why did she even mention marriage of course he wasn't proposing he doesn't even like her. This was the worst idea ever she just wanted to not have to worry about the blisters from breaking in another pair of shoes when she’d rather pay attention to the giant spiderbot or talk to him about how the brain-bots AI works.
“No. Not good! Not good at all!” You handed her a ring you mega-idiot what else would she think! This is nothing like the occasional hours weeks years of daydreams he’s absolutely never had ever in his life that she would say yes. That she would ever want to marry him. This is the worst this is the absolute worst “As if that’s the kind of ring I’d ever propose to you with!”
“EXACTL- wait what?” He’s thought about a ring? He’s thought about a ring specifically for her? That is not a normal thing. That is something people only consider when things get really serious. Why has he thought about a ring for her?
“What?” You just...keep making it worse for yourself don’t you Megamind. “Of course I wouldn’t propose to you with some possibly cursed ring! You deserve sapphires as blue as your eyes!”
“And you deserve emeralds to match yours!” Oh my god Roxanne shut up shut up shut up, “ Why are you giving me a cursed ring!”
“Possibly! Possibly cursed!” Ahahahahaha help oh evil gods help, “Any ring I did propose to you with would be 100% not cursed! Emerald cut sapphire in a platinum band framed by baguette cut diamonds!”
“See now that sounds like a ring I would be happy to accept!” Stop talking Roxanne please, please try and get out of this with some shred of dignity left.
“Fantastic! I’ll make it for you tonight!” Oh no.
“Wonderful! I cant wait to wear it!” Oh fuck.
“Brilliant! Are we engaged now?” Of all the ways Megamind’s plans have backfired over the years he never imagined an outcome like this...
“Yes! I don’t know!...I guess? Sure! Fine!” Roxanne wonders if this is what it feels like when one of his plans goes awry...
And then we have two options, the first where the shouting continues...
“Thank the evil gods because I have been in love with you for years!” and Megamind storms towards Roxanne and pulls her into his arms
“Well good because I love you too!” and she wraps her arms around him and...
well...
turns out billing your supervillain for damages is a great idea after all.
And the Second which is much funnier...
They are not engaged. Definitely not. Today has just been a shared hallucination and they are going to go home and never speak of this again.
And this is about to get really funny or really terrible but they’ve finally stopped shouting at each other and they’re just looking at one another and Roxanne sort of sways and Megamind sort of sways and...
And Minion is suddenly there hugging them both and is just so ecstatic that neither of them have the heart to tell him that its all a big misunderstanding (is it?) and they’re not really engaged (are they?) but sure he can make Roxanne’s dress so they can get him out of the room for ten minutes while they actually work out how to tell him this was a mistake....
And then Metro Man flies in like “I’m so happy you two crazy kids finally worked this out!” And Megamind and Roxanne are both just...freaking and Wayne is going on and on about how much he wants to help plan the wedding and Roxanne says the first thing she can think of to not get roped into a Scott Family Event with a capital E and blurts out “We’re eloping!”
“We are? I mean yes! We are! Absolutely!“ Megamind agrees. They can get in the invisible car and just drive until they figure this out or until they run off a cliff whichever will be easier
(the cliff is currently winning)
“Oh great!” says the oblivious Wayne Scott who is just so, so happy for these two, “I’ll fly you down to Vegas right now!”
And he does. With Megamind and Roxanne in one arm and Minion in the other and Roxanne and Megamind have no way of communicating without the others catching on so they are just exchanging these panicked glances and then blushing because holy fuck why is this happening this was not the plan and before they know it they’re standing in front of an Elvis impersonator saying “I do” and Minion is throwing confetti shaped like brain-bots and Wayne is crying and Megamind and Roxanne managed to get a whole five minutes to themselves before the wedding to be like “Okay this is insane but we just get divorced later right? How hard can it be? We’re a damsel and super-villain no one will be surprised when it doesn't work out” (no matter how much they each privately might want it to).
That kiss though...that is really something.
They share a honeymoon suite with the works (courtesy of Wayne). Flowers, chocolate, champagne, his n hers bathrobes. It is extremely awkward. (except the bit I just wrote with body chocolate which, omg) There is only one bed and it is the size of a small continent and they still wind up accidentally tangled together the next morning.
But its fine. Its absolutely fine. There’s a divorce register in the hotel lobby exactly for these kind of situations. No one is even going to know.
Except Wayne flies back to Metro with Minion and they make a big delighted announcement so when Megamind and Roxanne do show back up (the Divorce register opens late on Sundays and they had to check out by ten. The universe really must have it in for them or something). The whole city knows.
And is actually pretty happy for them.
Apparently there had been a pool.
(Carlos, Roxanne’s doorman, won if you’re interested)
Okay fine, they can pretend for a while. Figure out some way for Megamind to go back to villainy and for Roxanne to go back to being kidnapped. This isn’t going to backfire at all.
Only Roxanne goes back to her apartment (alone) to have the panic attack she’s been pushing back for the last 36 hours, to find removalists on site and a representative from the city explaining seeing as she’s no longer the Metro City damsel she’s not entitled to remain in her lovely open living giant balcony apartment she’s been living in for the last seven years that the city has been subsidising her rent on.
Roxanne’s apartment is was very nice and extremely expensive. More than she can afford on her own. So she puts her stuff in storage, packs a bag and hunts down the Evil Lair. And she walks in like “Hi Husband. I live here now I guess.” (please don’t throw me out can I stay? Can I stay forever?)
And Megamind who has been contemplating cutting off his own finger rather than trying to remove the ring he’s still wearing, sees her walking in with a bag, still wearing that awful (possibly cursed) ring and just...
Right.
Okay then.
Hi wife, please stay and never leave but of course we cant be married what were we thinking and now we have to keep this a secret from Minion except we live with Minion and he’s going to be very concerned if you ask for a separate bedroom and I guess I’m a superhero now which means you’ll be getting kidnapped by other villains and that is NOT OKAY AT ALL and there will definitely be a “That’s my wife!” moment and no one understands why I look so absolutely gobsmacked when you kiss me on live tv after I rescue you and you tell me you love me but oh of course it was for the cameras it wasn't real
SO MUCH ANGST AND PINING
...
...
This is a problem they can solve...somehow
Except now they’re stuck married and living together and all of Megamind’s uncles are asking when he’s going to bring their new niece in law to visit. and there is so much PINING because they each think the other doesn't want to be married except they sorta want to and ugh...
---------------
Roxanne woke up in the middle of the bed, one leg twisted around someone else’s and the taste of chocolate still in her mouth.
This is not her bed.
Did she hook up with someone?
There is someone snuggled close behind her breathing softly. She can feel a lean chest bare against her back and is that a goatee pressed against her shoulder?
Roxanne opened her eyes and looked down blearily. there was an arm around her waist, pulling her back against the body behind her. She has her fingers tangled in the other persons hand. There's something about the arm. She squinted in the early morning light.
Its blue
Oh
Well
That’s okay that’s just Megamind then. Roxanne closed her eyes and snuggled backwards a little. The arm around her waist tightened and the lips on her shoulder pressed a sleepy kiss against her skin.
...Wait
That's Megamind.
Roxanne's eyes shot open. She pulled her hand and the one she was holding up to the light. Definitely blue. Long fingers and square palms and definitely not human.
And there are rings
There is one ceramic zirconium band in dark grey and a large (possibly cursed) diamond ring on the ring fingers of each of their hands.
Why is she in bed with Megamind and why are there rings and oh god she just remembered everything.
Very carefully she laid their joined hands back over her waist and hoped desperately that she can just fall asleep again and not deal with this.
She can feel the moment Megamind wakes up. A whole body shudder goes through him from his feel up to his head and he shakes into full alertness.
"Oh evil gods"
She felt him roll onto his back and press his hands over his face. But her hand is still tangled in his so he winds up pulling her on top of him instead.
And Roxanne panics and flails and rolls over as well until she is lying on top of
...her husband
He's her husband.
He's her husband and he's awake and she's awake and he's looking up at her with brilliant green eyes the colour of emeralds and she sees the recognition dawning and she wants to kiss him, wants to say "hi", wants to say "want to stay married?", wants to say "what if this wasn't a mistake?" but what comes out is "We should get divorced."
#fake married#megamind#vegas wedding#dal is a fanfic#bug is writing a thing#help somebody please#rings#is a working title#I keep writing the same scenes as sweet and then as painful painful angst
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Chapter 1: Destiny
warnings: cussing, drug use, mental illness (future fluff, smut, angst, etc.)
this is my first story i’m writing on tumblr, I hope y’all like it. I’ll probably update once or twice a week. I plan on this not so lovely love story to be pretty long.. and angsty. Enjoy :)
Dreams are one of the most unknown things we experience, yet no one questions our lack of knowledge about them when we lay in bed at night. Not everybody dreams. Some people only dream when their happy... or sad... or scared... or it just happens every blue moon for no reason at all. You dream every day, to the point where you feel a little depressed if you don’t have one. They never take you to wonderland, their never right, something is always off but you liked them anyways. They gave you an escape from reality, until reality started showing up in your dreams. The reality that you’re slowly killing yourself when really this was supposed to be the peak of your existence. The reality that you literally gave the most handsome man you’ve ever seen, the ugliest look in downtown Hollywood and the reality that you know you will ruin his life or get close to it.
‘That stupid fucking asshole, I can’t believe that no good piece of shit left me to fend for myself. It’s so fucking hot. Fuck off Karen, my face is easier to look at than that awful sweater. Fuck. I need to sit down.’ You stopped walking and you look at yourself through the reflection of some enterance to a cafe, it smells like. Jesus christ, those eye bags look like black eyes. You went to your closest friends party the other night, you didn’t want to go so that explains the oversized grey hoodie and grey sweats that... have dirt on them? How the fuck- you know what, you’ve seen worse. You can’t go inside the cafe looking like this though. The shady floor will do for now. Everyone is wearing work clothes so you must of slept through all of Sunday. Alone. Because your dick head of a friend abandoned you, god knows when but for someone that slept through an entire day, you’re tired. Maybe it’s just the mental exhaustion you live with but god you could use a nap. “E-eguse me ehm here you go,” you look up and see the most perfectly built man you have ever seen, holding a.. $10 bill? You unknowingly glare at him after noticing his arm holding out the money to you. He looked nervous, and foreign as fuck what accent is that? “I’m not homeless, fuck off.” Who the fuck is he to assume your homeless? Cant someone sit in piece for a little? Prick. You stood up, hitting his shoulder as you walked away, not ever looking back at his beautiful face.
Wake up, go to the beach, take a xans, go to work, go home, sleep, wake up, eat, sleep, and wake up to repeat the process. You always hated living by a constant schedule, but at this point you do anything you can to hurt yourself. The weekends are different though, its always spontaneous. Will you snort a line with the crackheads down the street or will you go to a party because you know the college kids adore their new interest in drugs? You really don’t need drugs. You’re fine. Depression put you in this place and god you feel like a coward. People go through so much more and stay away from drugs. Coward. Your thoughts consist of things like this often, even when your supposed to be hearing your idiot friends excuse for abandoning you last week. “Y/n, seriously, I could of sworn you were dead.” “Wow, thanks Julian, i’ll make sure to leave your lifeless body instead of calling 911 like a sane person when I get the chance.” You both rolled your eyes in sync. You loved Julian, he’s such a dumbass but despite saying he’s your closest friend, your hardly friends. You met before you dropped out of college, he was your dealer, one of the nicest ones you’ve met. You ran into him often and bought from him often as well so you would talk but the reality is he only stays because you’re his best costumer and you frankly don’t care because you are too lost to even care about someone else.
“Y/n, I think you should lay back on your habits a little bit,” Julian broke the silence you both had on the pier. You both liked to meet up at the pier and smoke a little. “Oh please, don’t act like you care. Drop the act and be a fake friend to me, please,” you spoke unemotionally, making eye contact with him. “I’ve never met someone asking for a fake friend.” “Real ones require you to love and deal with them. I can’t do that for you Julian but I know that’s not what you wanted anyways. I practically pay your rent, just thank me and change the topic.” He sighed. Not a disappointed one, a relived one. Julian has been a dealer for a very long time, he stopped caring about his costumers decisions. He didn’t truly care for your health, it was the sad truth. He did get worried that night at his party but only because he isn’t heartless. You knew that though, you seemed so lifeless and incapable of feeling anything to him. He wondered about your story at times but he knew somehow he would never get it. You’re easy to talk to though, it’s nice. “Thank you.”
Ever since you were little you wanted to live in a big city like L.A. Although, you imagined you would be going to UCLA and going to study on a beach just because you could. Standing next to Julian in line at Coachella, you just now take in how completely different your life turned out but at least you did end up here. Julian gets into Coachella for free every single year so your always his +1. You love gatherings like this but this one is just a little too Pg for you. You always end up spending most of your time at the food trucks. But according to Julian, ‘so many people would kill to be around this many celebrities’ so maybe you could get a drink or two in and mingle or whatever. It won’t kill you. So here you are, waiting to get a margarita because god knows you can’t be any type of social while sober. “I guess you weren’t homeless after all, my apologies,” you turn around and see the beautifully built man leaning down towards you. You could run. You’re not to far from the exit and it would be impossible to run into this guy for a third time... right? “Are you following me?” That was supposed to stay in your thoughts.. Is he though? How the hell do you see each other in two different cities? Sure, everyone knows about Coachella but how does he recognize you, you look good today, not homeless or drugged up, whichever works. “Ah, sorry, my english bad,” He stood up straight rubbing his hand on the back of his neck nervously. Right. Foreigner with a unknown accent. “What language do you speak?” It’s not like you’re going to understand his language but your curiosity is getting the best- “Korean.” You know it really isn’t too late to run. This man could be lying, trying to kidnap you and sex traffic you. What are the chances he just happens to speak the one other language you do as well. He could be faking this for all you know. “Hello,” You haven’t spoken in Korean since high school. You dont know why you even let that out. “You speak Korean? Wow, hello!” He bowed to you slightly with a box like smile on his face. That’s cute. It’s different. “I really am sorry for mistaking you the other day, do you mind me asking what happened?” “I was on a lot of drugs at a party and my friend abandoned me because he thought I overdosed.” You learned a long time ago to leave your addiction to yourself. People look at you differently when you do drugs, even your closest friends. That’s one of the first lessons you learn as a drug addict, keep it to yourself. The only people that know you do drugs are the ones that do them too. You could of lied to him, but the self destructive part of you couldn’t help but push this stranger away. You turned around to look at him after it got awkwardly silent. “What? You surprised? Scared? No harsh feelings, I don’t even know you.” You held in a laugh from his shocked and awkward expression. “Your right, we don’t know each other, I’m Taehyung,” He held out his hand replacing his taken aback expression back to his box-y smile, pretending what you said just never happened. ”Y/n,” You sighed. He won’t give up whatever this is. Fantastic. “Well actually, i’m supposed to be talking with famous people or something like that so I should get going,” You didn’t know how to get out of this situation. You felt like you couldn’t breathe with him standing so close to you. This conversation gets more and more awkward everytime you speak. “Then why are you leaving?” You both stared at each other, surprisingly not awkwardly. It was comforting looking into his eyes. “What? “You know what, I actually should go before i’m late, i’ll see you later,” he gave you one last smile and patted your shoulder before leaving you. “But- Why? What?”
“I just had the most uncomfortable conversation of my life with this insanely perfect looking man,” you spoke almost out of breath, finally finding Julian in the crowd. “Yeah, i’m pretty sure I saw who you’re talking about when I left you,” Julian is such an old soul. He responded while looking ahead at the stage, almonds in one hand like a football dad. “Who’s performing next” “Uh, BTS.” You hardly listen to music these days. Music that doesn’t fit your ‘fuck life, love drugs’ aesthetic. BTS doesn’t ring a bell so you probably won’t like it but it’s not like you have anything else to do, you’ve had enough with weird interactions. “Remind me why we’re sober,” you sighed, starting to feel the pain from standing for so long. “I’m sober, you’re drunk.” Julian glanced at the margarita in your hand. Right, you almost forgot. “Oh, don’t judge-“ “Sh sh sh their coming.” He hit your shoulder a couple of time looking at the stage like a child. You hate when people tap on you it’s so annoying. You sighed for the one thousandth time and focused on the group of people coming to the stage. Asians, how convenient. You know if life really hated you they would be Korean just like- “Ey, isn’t that the ‘insanely perfect looking man’ you were talking about? I can’t tell.” You have got to be kidding. That’s why he asked why you were leaving. He’s fucking famous. “I need another drink,” You sighed.
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Moments of Impact
Yuta x reader // SMUT, ANGST, fluff?, college student! Yuta, camboy! Yuta, virgin reader
Summary: You got in an accident and Yuta waits for you to wake up. While waiting for you, he can’t stop thinking about the good times you’ve had together.
Word Count: 6k
Warnings: Sad ending, swearing, explicit mature themes, mentions of motorcycle accident, mentions of other idols, virginity loss
Note: I have a few notes, hihi.
- Everything italic and indented are flash backs. There are date stamps you won’t get lost.
-This story is inspired by my favorite movie The Vow, if you haven’t watched it yet I’d definitely recommend it. It’s a beautiful film, inspired by true events.
-Another inspiration for this story is Forgotten written by @upinthestarsx3
I will never forget that beautiful fic, so please go check it out!
-Again, I apologise in advance if there misplaced words, etc.
Pulling up the blanket to keep himself warm, trying to fit his long legs on the small couch, forcing himself to get some sleep amidst the noice of busy nurses and doctors talking to people, Yuta tries so hard to get some rest. After doing two jobs everyday, Yuta always stays in the hospital lounge so somehow you can feel his presence. At least that’s what he thinks.
You’ve been in a coma for 3 weeks already but for Yuta it felt like its been years. He constantly blames himself for where you are now, blaming himself for not taking care of you enough. As much as he wanted to tell you “I told you so” he would rather want you to wake up and hold you.
He felt someone tap his shoulder while he’s staring at the blank ceiling. It’s your brother Mark, offering him some cheap tea from the hospital’s cafeteria. Mark is the only person in your family that he can talk to, maybe it’s because Mark was like a brother to Yuta. From the moment you introduced Yuta to your family, they quickly disagreed to your relationship. They thought Yuta corrupted you and that he’s using you for your money. After the accident, they were so mad at Yuta telling him he cant see you anymore. Of course Mark defended Yuta but he couldn’t change the decision of his parents. Now the rest of your family is mad at him, not letting him see you even after the surgery.
“Any good news?” Yuta asks Mark.
Mark shook his head, “at least she’s still pretty while she’s sleeping” Mark gets his phone and shows Yuta a picture of you sleeping soundly in the hospital bed. It hurt him.
In years of being with you, Yuta loved seeing you sleeping beside him or when you passed out on the couch after watching a movie. But this time, he never thought he would hate that you’re sleeping now. He closed his eyes letting his tears fall, remembering good memories of you sleeping.
3 YEARS OF BEING TOGETHER
It was a cold morning and you are snuggled beside Yuta, enjoying his warmth and his soft skin on you. Sleeping naked after having sex was not the best idea but you love how the both of you shivers under the thick duvet. Yuta pull up the covers over your head making the bed warmer, hugging you closer and kissing your exposed shoulders.
“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” you teased him, hovering your leg on his side caressing his soft butt cheek.
Not saying a word, Yuta’s other hand intertwined with your free hand, while his other hand roams around your body, softly and slowly. You can feel his touch on your leg, drawing small circles with the tip of his fingers. Teasing and slowly going up to your waist and back, whispering praises how soft your skin is while his eyes are closed. You didn’t miss how he’s touching your breast carefully not to hurt you or make you sensitive.
“Sleep. I’ll see you in the morning beautiful” he whispers softly behind your ear.
After the accident, Yuta’s life turned upside down. The life he had with you was a life full of happiness even though you both have personal struggles. Unlike you, Yuta is not rich. He came from a good family in Japan, but not rich enough to provide money for both school and other expenses. You offered him a deal one day, where he can’t actually refuse. You told him you can provide food for the both of you and the rent money, so he can focus on saving up for his college tuition. He agrees, taking your offer and he pays you back by loving you deeper everyday.
You didn’t made that deal just for the sake of being domestic, but you made that deal because you hated the idea of different girls having sex with your man. Yuta was a camboy before you came into his life, a rather popular one. Knowing that he’s having sex with different girls around the campus or with a specific someone and then coming home to you smelling like a stranger, hurts. It’s not that you’re against with the industry he’s on, but what if one day you can’t provide what Yuta wants in bed and he became sexually frustrated because of you? You always fight whenever Yuta goes live and have sex in front of many people. He always says “baby the sex I have with those girls were for money. It’s my work. No love.” Usually the fight went on for days and Yuta is the one who always accepts defeat.
Now that you’re not present at the moment, he didn’t have much choice but to go back on being a camboy. Reminiscing all the fights you’ve have regarding this issue, Yuta thought he would rather fight with you everyday just so he can hear your voice again. Being a camboy can provide all of his needs. Food for everyday, pay for the rent, money for his college fees and your hospital bills.
“Dude, my family is packed. Crazy rich. Really you don’t need to chip in money for the hospital bills.” Mark nagged Yuta when he found out Yuta was the one who payed for some of your hospital expenses.
“But I want to” is all Yuta can say as defense to Mark. “Anyway Mark, thanks for the talk. I have to go to work now.”
“Work as in…” Mark questions Yuta, giving him a look. Yuta nods, knowing all too well that Mark knew that he came back to the sex industry.
“Ugh! Dude! She’s gonna be pissed when she wakes up” Yuta waves goodbye at Mark leaving him at the hospital lounge.
On his way to the hotel where he’s going to “work” he saw these cheap chocolates you always loved and decided to buy one, with the hope that maybe you would wake up today so he could hand you the chocolate. Yuta was never a fan of chocolates, but this chocolate is delicious and this is the only chocolate he could eat. But the thing he loves the most about this chocolate is its the reason how you two met.
THE NIGHT YOU MET
It was Jaehyun’s house party and Yuta was bored to death so he decide to creep in Jaehyun’s kitchen and eat anything he could find. He was hoping to see something instant that he could cook easily without catching too much attention in the kitchen. After looking for some time, he gave up and decided to look for snacks instead. He found this chocolate wrapped in gold on the table near the beers. So annoyed that Jaehyun’s house does not have anything instant, he’s not very happy that he found a chocolate and not something that will give him a good burp. To his surprise, it was fucking delicious.
“Who fucking ate my chocolate?” you screamed trying to be heard under the loud party music. “I left it here. I was just getting a cup, then it was gone” you were practically screaming in front of your brother Mark.
Yuta felt guilty because he basically stole your chocolate. He made his way out of the party and went to the nearest store and tried to look for the exact same chocolate. Not knowing how to approach you, Yuta was nervous not to mention he got intimidated by your beautiful looks. Waiting for the perfect timing, he follows you around the party waiting for you to be alone so he could talk to you. But instead, he admires how you look good in that dress, how your hair follows your every move, your smile can light up the party, your laugh is like music to his ears. He didn’t notice he’s growing a little crush on you.
After three bottle of beers, the chocolate stays in his pocket while he chats with his friends. You notice that he’s following you around, stealing a glance from time to time, you decided to follow him when he went to the bathroom.
You waited for him to come out, and by the time he does you were somehow amazed by how beautiful he is. Fair skin, pointy nose, his hair looks softer than yours.
“I swear I didn’t mean to eat it” Yuta blurted out.
“Eat what? Sorry. I was just going to ask you why are you following me?”
He gave you a beautiful smile, one that you will never forget. He handed you the chocolate, his cheeks are turning red and his eyes somehow got smaller. You wanted to shout at him, show him your rage but his smile somehow calmed you down. “You ate it?”
“Yeah. But I went out to buy you a new one. I’m sorry. If this isn’t enough I could-“
“Ask me out” you didn’t know where that bravery come from but it felt good. You can feel your heart beating so fast, your chest could explode any minute.
And he did. For Yuta, it was the best decision he made in his fucked up life. For you, Yuta was the cherry on top of your colorful life already. Both of your worlds were completely different but you didn’t have second thoughts on giving up the world you used to know for him. Same goes for him, he made you the sun and moon of his life. You’ve been together for four beautiful years, ready to graduate from college in a couple of days and finally go to Japan to meet Yuta’s parents, stay there for a couple of months and get married with or without permission from your parents. That was the plan. Leave everything behind and live in Japan for good.
But the accident happened.
“Hey” Charlotte snaps her fingers in front of Yuta, bringing him back to reality.
He sees Charlotte already half naked wearing only her lingerie. “Sorry. I haven’t have enough sleep” Yuta proceeds to take off his shirt.
Assembling the camera to go live in a few minutes, he tries to gather himself and focus on his work. He has been having sex with a heavy heart so his performance was a little down lately, but today he plans on putting up a show to raise more money.
Yuta was an animal in bed, but he is always gentle to you whenever you have sex. Not very vanilla, he still chokes you and spanks you from time to time whenever he’s in the mood to have rough sex. But he doesn’t degrade you and call you a slut which you think is hot. Even though you hate his last job, you still think he’s good at what he does because he’s always great in bed. That’s why you never want to share him with anyone.
Graduation came in, Yuta’s parents finally came and they were excited to meet you. Yuta didn’t have the choice but to be honest with his parents and that he’s not going back to Japan with them as planned. It broke their heart but they understood that Yuta is struggling too.
After graduation, Mark somehow convinced his parents to let Yuta visit you, it was a tough battle but Mark made it possible. He was so happy that he can finally hold your hand again and be beside you while he waits for you to wake up. You didn’t know but you graduated with honors and Yuta was the one who came up on stage to get your awards.
“Baby, at least I get to experience receiving an award even though its not mine” he laugh while his tears fall continuously. He was admiring all your hard work over the years reminiscing some moments, reminding you all the sleepless nights you’ve had, every project you needed to redo, Yuta witnessed it all. He was so proud of you but he couldn’t show it enough because of your current state. “Graduation was sadder than I thought, Imagine I wouldn’t have to see Jaehyun and Johnny’s face everyday. I never thought I’d miss those fuckers” Yuta was tucking you in bed, making sure your comfortable before leaning closer to you, lips almost touched. “Congratulations to us baby, we made it” and he kissed you sweetly, careful but full of love.
Yuta continued to visit you in the hospital and he tries being with you as much as he can. Talking to you about almost everything even though you still show no response, for him it’s better than staying silent. He finally talked about how he got back to being a camboy again because life was hard for him when you got into the accident, but he’s finally looking a job as a college graduate and talks about it proudly.
He was so used on taking care of you, the nurses were surprised that Yuta was the one cleaning you with a warm damped towel and changing your clothes whenever he can. Of course the nurses thought Yuta was cute.
As time goes by, your parents saw the sincerity of Yuta towards you. All Yuta did was love you like he normally does even though you’re still in deep sleep. With that, Yuta didn’t expect your parents to be moved by his gestures and how he takes care of you. It was a bold move for your parents to talk to Yuta in front of you sleeping, hoping that you could hear every word they said to Yuta. “Baby, did you hear that? All is well now. We can finally get married without hurting your parents” he left a kiss on your left hand. Still no response.
One fine day of looking after you in the hospital, Yuta decided to take a peak at your journal out of curiosity. “Baby, I’m sorry I’m reading your journal now. Its just I’m so bored and I miss you so much” as he flips through the pages his eye caught this special day or rather fun night with you that he will never forget. It was the night when you two had sex for the first time, and the night Yuta took your virginity.
He reads it with enthusiasm letting out soft and loud laughs whenever he reads something funny that you wrote. “I was tired, but I want Yuta to feel good” he read it out loud, the exact words written in your diary. “Baby, I wish I could turn back time just to tell you, you didn’t have to” he said while petting your head and goes back to reading.
2 MONTHS OF BEING TOGETHER
“What do you mean you’re a virgin?” Yuta teases you pretending that he doesn’t know that you’re still a virgin.
“Stop teasing or I’ll bite your dick off”
Yuta was still laughing because you were cute, “okay okay. easy” he pulled you close. “Mark told me actually” you shrugged by the thought of your own brother betraying you.
“You’re going to be the first and last dick I’ll be having. It sucks not being your first tho.”
“Someday, you’ll be my last” Yuta intertwined your hands on his and kissed you deeply like you always want to. But the first word that he said, still lingers in your mind. Someday. Maybe he really needed to work that’s why he can’t leave his job yet.
You pull away from his kiss, biting your lower lip while stroking his. You’ve been meaning to say that you wanted to have sex with him and you decided it has to be tonight. “I know you’ve been wanting to have sex with me” you breathed deeply, “and now I’m ready” Yuta cant believe what he just heard but it would be a lie if he said he wasn’t dreaming for this moment to happen. “You sure about this? It’s not that I don’t want to- Fuck I’ve been waiting for this to happen. But we’ve only been together for 2 months. I don’t want to rush you or anything”
Everything you heard from him is plain sweet. You can’t stop blushing and you couldn’t hide it either. He noticed that you’re being shy for a moment but he loves teasing and tickling you until you’re out of breath. While he was tickling you and kissing your neck at the same time, he absentmindedly touched your clothed pussy. You felt it through your thin shorts and you let out a gasp because of what he did. You two never went further than first base because you’re still this innocent girl in Yuta’s eyes and he respects that.
“Sorry- uh, fuck I didn’t mean to touch it without your consent. It’s just, maybe because of my work baby. My hands are used to do it automatically-“ Yuta was rambling already but you were just looking at him with loving eyes. “Do it again?” you asked him spreading your legs a little. Hesitantly, he came closer to you slowly, caressing your exposed legs, asking for consent to put his hand inside your shorts. You nod.
It was a feeling like no other, you thought. One touch of Yuta’s finger on your wet slit made your eyes closed and pulling closer to him. Grinding your hips with his finger inside you, Yuta thought you weren’t innocent as he thought you could be.
He hovers on top of you making you aroused and needy enough to get wet. Kissing you softly and biting you from time to time. You keep your hands lock on his long hair, giving it soft pulls that made him moan. Whispering soft i love yous whenever you have enough air in your lungs.
Slowly peeling his clothes and your clothes off, you felt kind of shy when he got you on your bra and laced panties. He continues to kiss you softly and deeply, cupping your cheeks and drawing circles along your back.
“Just promise me, you’ll make me stop if something hurts. okay?”
“I promise”
Yuta unclasp your bra and slowly teased your left boob using his point finger. Careful not to touch your nipples yet, it makes you frustrated and needy enough. Kissing the valley between your breast, down to your abdomen, he removes your panties slowly his eyes not leaving yours. Blowing his hot breath on your soaked pussy, Yuta takes his time kissing your inner thighs and blowing on your entrance again and again, enjoying how you react on his teasing.
Parting your folds with his left hand and drawing circles using his right hand, you feel your pussy get soaked even more because of what Yuta is doing. You thought you could cum here and then but the moment he finally puts his tongue on your pussy, it felt so good you wanted to savour the feeling. When he finally see that you’re relaxing, he inserts his middle finger while licking slowly against you pussy. Adding another finger he makes sure you’re wet enough for his cock.
“Baby do you have anything in mind? Anything you want?” Yuta asks hovering you again while still playing with your soaked pussy. You shook your head “Okay. Just follow my lead, I’ll be gentle as possible” all you can do is nod.
He gets the condom beside the table and rolls it on his hard cock. By the time he’s in between your legs again, he’s slowly putting the tip inside your pussy. Pushing slowly and pulling out, again and again until he’s balls deep. You told Yuta that it hurt but you didn’t want him to stop. He became gentler than ever before being comfortable enough to move inside. He kisses you and whispers countless i love yous beside your ear while waiting for your signal to allow him to move. Your giggle making you gasps, you can feel your pussy stretched like never before “still okay?” he checks on you before he moves.
You accidentally clenched your pussy and it made him moan, you thought he was crying out loud. But he smiled and told you not to do that because that can make him cum fast. It feels good laughing while in the middle of having sex Yuta thought. He never felt this way before while having sex and he’s happy he get to experience this kind of feeling through you.
He kisses your boobs while moving his hips slowly. Making you moan and scratch his back because of the amazing feeling. Hands all over your body, Yuta can’t get enough of the feeling you’re giving right now. “Baby, you make me feel like a virgin again” Yuta whispered in between gasps while his working on slow deep thrust.
Surprised when he pulls out, he gently changed your position and making you bend on all fours. You were familiar with this position, feeling kind of excited by what Yuta is about to do next. He spreads you legs wider from behind, caressing your ass cheeks before giving it bites that made you whimper and wet even more.
“Not-so-fun-fact, but this is my favorite position” he whispers beside your ear and fucks you from behind. It was different than earlier you thought, this positions makes your mouth open and it makes you let out soft moans. “feels good?” Yuta managed to ask, you moan in response. This position hits different spots inside your pussy that makes you gasps and breath for more air. You finally understood why this is his favorite sex position.
After fucking you slow and deep for a good twenty minutes, now Yuta is pounding you in some sort of animalistic way, hearing him moan behind you. He grabbed both of your shoulder making you arch against his chest. You were startled by his sudden move but lust is taking over you now. He placed wet kisses on your cheeks hearing him moan when you try moving your hips on your own. “You’re the only girl that can make me moan baby, did you know that?”
Driven by lust and his love for you, he asked permission before he does something he’s sure you will love. “Baby, just say yes. You wont regret it” he said gasping for air while you still fuck back. “just don’t hurt me baby. okay, I’m ready” you answered trying to catch your breath, feeling your hips give up.
He encircled his right arm on your waist and his left hand on your throat, choking you. To be honest, you never thought choking would feel so good while he fucks you hard. Hearing only slaps of skin around the room, your eyes rolls back when you felt a knot on your abdomen. His hand on your throat does something to you that you can’t understand, but it feels good. He felt your pussy clenched again around his dick and you finally cum. Hard. But to Yuta’s surprise you were still moving your hips against him trying to overstimulate yourself. He was surprised by your sudden action, it made him catch his sweet release and he cums inside you for the first time.
“Baby stop, I have to remove the condom now” Yuta needed to convince you in order for you to stop moving your hips. Still against his chest and his arms encircled on your waist, you felt your high go down as Yuta place soft kisses on your shoulders whispering telling you to stop. After removing the condom and cleaning you up, he didn’t expect himself to enjoy pillow talks and cuddles after sex. Maybe because its you he’s sleeping with tonight.
“You were kind of wild for a vigin. Does it hurt?” He asked looking a bit concerned while snuggling you.
You scoffed, “how can you expect me not to act wild when you fuck me so good Nakamoto Yuta?” you kiss him to lessen his guilt.
“That was the best sex ever. Im afraid I will always ask you to have sex with me from now on” he’s kissing your neck now and checking your folds if you’re still wet.
“Can I ride you?” with wide eyes Yuta stopped what he’s doing completely in shock seeing this side of you.
Yuta accepts your offer and you rode him four times that night using him to go off again and again and again. He was already tired but the view of you bouncing on his cock was so addicting and the feeling of you doing all the work because its your request makes him happy that you’re comfortable with him.
“I didn’t know you are this wild and needy. I was going easy on you earlier.” he said catching his breath after his third release for the night.
“Its fine, baby. You did great earlier.” you said catching your breath too. You were rocking your hips again, teasing his cock and making him hard again. “oh - ah!- baby you’re going to be the death of me” Yuta complains but he’s gripping your boobs already, making you moan and so turned on. You move your hips again making Yuta crumble beneath you, it makes you proud being the only girl in his life that can ruin him like this. When he close his eyes and just let you do the work, when you’re the one making him beg for more, when he furrow his brows trying to stop himself from cumming, you thought about how these are only for your eyes. And you love him for that.
When you finally stopped and flopped on his chest, Yuta seized this moment to throw the condoms as far away as he can so you wouldn’t have to ask for another round. “Baby aren’t you tired? You do know that we can still have sex after this night right? There’s no need to rush” that made you laugh. You kissed him deeply and thanked him for a beautiful night. “I will never forget this Yuta”
After that night, you and Yuta have sex comfortably whenever you want. Pretty sure you had sex on every corner of his apartment. Sometimes if you’re both lucky Mark walks on the two of you having sex on the couch and all you do is laugh. Poor Mark. Whenever you’re needy, the two of you have a little quickie in Yuta’s apartment before going back to class.
And by the time Yuta finally quit his job, he never used condoms anymore whenever you have sex. It was also the time he decided you’re the one he’s going to spend the rest of his life with. On your fourth year of being together, he talks about marriage comfortably with you. The both of you started to plan out your future together, he said he wanted three kids but he doubts that you two will stop making babies.
2 MONTHS LATER
Yuta was waiting for the nurse to finish changing your IV fluids before talking to you alone like he does everyday. “Baby it’s Jaehyun’s birthday today. I’m going to his house tonight with the guys and you know have fun like teenagers.” Yuta jokes while combing your hair.
“Its Valentines day too so, I got you a present.” He opens a red velvet box beside him and put the ring on you. He was supposed to propose to you on Valentines day to make it extra special but unfortunate events happened.
“Will you marry me?” it broke his heart hearing you not say a word. But he knew you will say yes.
“Please wake up, so you could say ‘yes’ already, okay? I’ll be back tonight, I love you.” he kissed you on the lips leaving some tears on your cheeks and heads out.
Yuta was hesitating to set foot on Jaehyun’s house because this was the last place you went to before the accident happened. He tried not to think about what happened but he can’t help it. When Jaehyun finds Yuta on his doorstep, he was quick to hand Yuta a bottle of beer and told him to enjoy the party just like old times.
It was nice having fun after being so stressed and sad with life lately Yuta thought, he felt alive again tonight. Playing beer pongs, drinking beers with the guys, dancing under loud music. He missed being this alive.
He felt his phone vibrating, he got nervous and quickly looked for a quiet place to answer Mark’s call.
“Hello. I’m at Jaehyun’s its too loud everywhere. What’s up?”
“Hyung… She’s awake”
Yuta left the party immediately and rushed back to the hospital. Your room was crowded with nurses and doctors, and your whole family is present. When Yuta stepped inside the room he cant believe you’re sitting and talking in front of his eyes. But why does it feel like you’re not excited to see him? He felt scared when Mark brought him outside the room and told him he has something to say.
“Hyung… She remembers the accident” Mark breathes in deeply, “But she doesn’t remembers you”
In that moment he felt his legs give up on him as if it forgot how to carry him upon hearing the news. He felt a little dizzy but not because of the alcohol he had from the party. It’s too much he thought. He left Mark and decided he would like to be alone for a minute. Thinking of a way how he can handle his feelings when you finally saw him and you don’t recognise him.
After three cups of coffee at the hospital’s cafeteria, Mark talked to him again. Trying to be careful with his words, he tried to explain what you remember and what’s left with your memories about Yuta. Just like Yuta, Mark was heart broken.
“We asked her whats her last memory” Mark started, destroying the tissue in front him piece by piece. “She told us about the accident, but not in detail. And that her last memory before the accident is… our trip to Paris” Mark looks at Yuta finally, “And hyung… We went to Paris three days before you guys met” Yuta was feeling sick again, he wanted to cry in front of Mark.
“But” Mark added “she remembers tiny scenarios flashing in her mind, she told the doctor something about tattoos? Do you know something about it?”
For the first time at that moment, Yuta smiled. She remembers, but not entirely, but still.
“That memory was two years ago. She was forcing me to have matching tattoos with her but I didn’t want to because of my work. And she put up a fight, throwing everything she sees at me. She didn’t know that the work that I was talking about was my internship”
Mark let out a small laugh hearing the story, how stupid of you for getting mad over matching tattoos.
It was quiet for some time, maybe the both of them are still digesting what’s happening right now. Nonetheless they were both thankful that you’re finally awake. Mark brought Yuta back to your room, and left him to face you alone. Not sure what will happen when you finally see him. It will hurt Yuta, but he wanted to see you already.
The room was cold and Yuta caught you shivering when he entered the room. He gave you his blanket that he kept in the room whenever he stays over and take care of you.
“Hey” he greets you softly, “This is mine, you can have it” you took the blanket with a small smile. A smile that Yuta craves to see, and it made him fell in love with you again.
You don’t recognise his face but you recognised his voice. You sat while you watch him play with his own fingers. The air in the room became colder. You heard him clear his throat and you looked at him again.
“Do you want to say something?” you asked trying to get him comfortable.
“Do you know me?” Yuta asked even though he already knew the answer.
“No.. but your voice is something I hear when I was sleeping. Are you a nurse or something?” Yuta was glad that you can actually hear all that he said to you when you were sleeping. He chuckled and points at the small table beside the hospital bed. Just near the fresh flowers you can see your college diploma, your journal, several pictures of your family and friends, and pictures with the guy sitting across the room.
“I’m Yuta” he introduced himself to you for the second time in his life and that left a sting on his heart. Trying to hold back his tears, he saw you play with the engagement ring that he gave you earlier today.
“I’m sorry If I don’t remember you Yuta. But I will work hard to-“ he came closer to you with a slight panic, asking permission if he could hold your hand. You let him.
“You don’t have to do that. Yes its hard for me but I know its harder for you” he puts his forehead on yours, arms encircling around you and gentle swaying you. Everything this guy do is too much for you, you wanted to push him because he’s basically a stranger in your eyes. But you knew all too well that he’s not a stranger to your heart.
On the next day, your parents talked to Yuta about how you should live your life when you get discharged from the hospital. They were kind enough to consider Yuta to take care of you and for that he was thankful. Knowing all too well that living with him will be hard for you, but he promised himself that he will be strong for the both of you.
“but” your father started and Yuta got nervous all of a sudden.
“We asked her if she wants to live with you and go on with her normal life with you. We also explained to her that that’s the best option… but she didn’t want to. And that’s her final decision” Yuta was once again feeling weak and unable to move after hearing your father’s explanation.
“Yuta, we want her to be well. Everyone does. That’s why we should talk to her even more, and convince her to live with you” your mother added, being hopeful that Yuta would convince you to live with him.
In your four years of being together, Yuta never forced you to do something you don’t want. Even when it comes to the smallest things like if you don’t want his shoes inside your shared bedroom, he complies. Yuta knew you so well that he trusts every decision you make. That’s why he explains to your parents that he can’t force you to live with him.
“We all love her. I think, we should respect her decision” those are Yuta’s final words to your parents.
They didn’t have any choice but to agree with Yuta. But your parents think Yuta deserves to be with you too. They told him to come see you tonight before they leave first thing in the morning and that he’s welcome to visit you anytime if he wants to.
For the last time, Yuta visits your room while you were sleeping. Sitting on your hospital bed carefully not to wake you. He strokes your soft hair, memorising your features more.
“I will never forgive myself. I should’ve taken care of you, baby it’s my job. I should have pinned you down instead of just telling you not to ride that motorcycle with Lucas” he cries again, pouring everything out.
“I’m sorry if none of our dreams will come true. But I know you will live happily even without me baby. Just promise me you’ll never be sad or cry over something or someone. I could’ve been the one making you happy forever but, we can’t force anything to happen now.”
He slowly caress your arm, down to your hand. Kissing it several times, your hands became wet because of his tears. With a heavy heart, Yuta slowly takes off your engagement ring.
“I will never forget you. Thank you for making half of my life as beautiful as your face” he forced to let out a giggle, and quietly leaves the room with a broken heart.
.................................................
Masterlist
Hey there! If you’re at this point I would like to thank you for reading this. If you have any comments or questions, in between scenarios I’m more than happy to answer them :) Talk to me! I want to make new friends.
#nct-writers#neowritingsnet#nct fic#kpop fic#nct smut#nct fluff#nct angst#fluff#angst#smut#nakamoto yuta#nct yuta#yuta#nct au#nct scenarios
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change.
he never knew there will be someone who changes his life completely. someone who makes him feel loved. and someone who finally makes him fall in love.
so from now on, don't let go of this hand when I'm with you, all my worries disappears, my life has changed, I will change your life too so that your beautiful image can last forever
Super Junior D&E - Change
sometimes when life gets too hard, you will not care at all about love. your priority will change. solving life problems first then love is the last. lee hyukjae never experienced how to love and being loved by someone. he’s always alone and had like few friends. he didnt care. he went to college and always sits alone. he enjoys his self more than to care about other people.
he did his best for studying and made money. hyukjae’s mom is sick and needs to stay at hospital for few months. that requires a lot of money of course, so he must do a part time to pay all the bills. hyukjae’s sister and dad already said that he shouldnt work too much, just focus on the college, they can help the bills. but he insited to make money too, so they’re just letting him do it. he just lives his life to prioritize his family.
hyukjae had this daily routine days, first he went to college at the morning until 3pm, then he went to hongdae to do something like street dance with some groups there. sometimes he joined a group of street dancers but sometimes he did it alone. hyukjae had this speciality, it’s dancing. he loves it so much. dancing is like half of his life. he wants to join an academy but he always thinks that too much money is needed so he just buried his dream deeply. fortunately, there’s like a group of street dancers that allows anyone to enter without joining an academy. hyukjae decides to join because at least they can make money from it. it’s like a charity performances but it’s okay he loves it. hyukjae learned dancing while watching the youtube alone, and he mastered it quickly. even the street dancers group amazed by him. so they sometimes makes a solo performance for him and he can take all the money from his performance. since then everyday he went there for dancing.
after hongdae, sometimes he went to minimarket as a part timer, but he had night shift for just 3 days in a week. because sometimes, the street dancing lasted longer than usual. it depends of how people attracted for them. his days always got pretty busy, but he did it for his mom.
in the college, he always seems to be alone and not seen. he always wears black outfits from head to toe and he had like long black hair almost mullet style. actually he’s pretty attractive, but he just choose to stay away from people. also, no one knew he’s a street dancer because he always wears a hat to cover while dancing. he will stay unnoticed. he just loves to be alone. he also had like 3-4 piercing holes in his both ears. he didnt wear those piercings while going on college but he wears it when he went to hongdae to dance.
maybe people around them didnt notice him being there in the class because of that dark aura of him. and no one dares to be curious. but, there’s this one guy always been curious about hyukjae. and turned out he knew that hyukjae is a street dancer!
This guy always quietly watches hyukjae since they got in the same class for this semester. actually, he never went to the same class as hyukjae. apparently in this semester, there was like a special joint class for some of the faculties. he decides to take this because he must to get a better grade for this semester and he should take another addition class. he loves his hobby so much until he forgets that his grade is falling. basketball is his life, so he joined the club in the university and did his best for basketball. the team he’s in often gets a win but he didnt realize his grade faces a downfall. so here he is, attending the class. the number one basketballer, lee donghae finally makes a move to fix his grades.
at first donghae didnt notice this fairy (he said it himself for the first time he saw him) at the class for like almost 2 weeks and this sudden realization hits him so hard.
once upon a time, after finishing his basketball practice, he and his teammates went to hongdae for hanging out and eating snacks. then he went separated from his teammates and got attracted to a crowd.
“wow, what is this crowds”
then he walked closely and watched, turned out it’s a street dance. he’s stunned by the performances. drowning in their skillful and amazing dance performances. he’s amazed especially by this one skinny guy. his moves are perfect. beautiful. strong but delicate. his dancing skills are crazy. he is stunned and frozen by this amazing dancer. he was too focused on him. he even clapped so hard after their performances ended and gave them bunch of money. this was too lit af and deserved more audiences. but he’s too curious of this one dancer. his face cant be seen because of his bucket hat. he wears an all black outfit and his hair is a bit longer. he had 3 piercings in his right ear, and one of the is long piercing. and suddenly, this dancer guy opened his hat and bows to everyone to thank for their performances... that time he almost dropped his coffee, good thing he was quickly back to his sense.
“what the fuck i dont know that fairy exists in the world” said donghae to himself
he’s definitely beyond stunned... and speechless. donghae is awed like hell. he must find a way to get to know him no matter what. he ‘s in love for the first sight definitely.
days after that, he always went to hongdae for watching his fairy everytime he had time after practicing. he loves to see him so much while dancing. but he’s still didnt get a chance to get his name because he always dissappears quickly after the performance. maybe later he will get that chance.
and that sudden chance comes to donghae like a lightning struck in his head but not in hongdae, it happened in his class.
that day after the class ends, donghae was about to run to his basketball practice, but he crashed into someone. and that someone’s books was scattered on the floor.
“oh God sorry sorry im in a rush lemme help you” donghae said and puts this someone’s books from the floor
“ah no it’s okay, it’s my fault too i didnt look at the way clearly” said this guy softly
donghae quickly takes the books in his hands and gives the books to this guy. at first, donghae didnt look at this guy’s face before he stands up. he looks at the books and found a name on it.
“so lee hyukjae, im sorry for crashing into you, here’s your books-” then he feels the time stopped. he’s standing still there stunned at the presence he saw right now.
donghae who’s still in dazed was suddenly back to his sense after this lee hyukjae called him
“ehm- hey? thank you but hey are you okay?” hyukjae said
“oh-o-oh im yeah. im-im- youre welcome. y-yeah im- totally fine.”
“good, my books?”
“books, oh yeah,yeah ofcourse your books. here”
“thanks. ehm whats your name?”
“donghae, im lee donghae”
“thanks donghae and sorry for crashing into you. good bye”
then hyukjae walks away after that and donghae still didint believe what he saw.
his fairy. his beautiful fairy is actually at the same class with him. and he didnt know??? then days after that, he always takes a look of him everyday like every single day. he’s so curious about lee hyukjae. why he always alone and why everyone didnt notice there is a beautiful guy here in his class. donghae admits that hyukjae seems like a so much outsider and stays away from people. donghae wonders why he’s like that. but he didnt care, he must get to know him more.
so he got himself prepared and tried to talk to him after his dancing performances. he actualy runs to catch him to talk.
“hey wait” donghae runs
then hyukjae stops and looks back. he’s surprised at donghae’s presence right now.
“o-oh h-hey. lee donghae how-”
“you know i always watch you almost everyday but i never knew that you’re one of my classmates....”
“thankyou for watching. but it’s kinda embarassing to know that my classmates knows me in this state”
“why? you looked so damn amazing... youre stunning”
“w-well thank you for the compliment.. it’s nice hearing someone directly compliments me like this. it’s just too rare for me hearing this”
“i mean it you’re really amazing. i love your beautiful moves.”
actually, hyukjae already knew that donghae always watched him almost everyday and he knew too that he is his classmates! so thats why he always quickly runs away from donghae. he’s afraid he knew him after he’s in the same class with him. it’s just too embarrassing. but that crashing moment happened and hyukjae realized that it seems donghae realized it too that he’s in the street dancers in hongdae... that time he knew he’s fucked up. he cant hide this anymore..
“s-stop complimenting me it’s nothing kdsdjksjdf”
hyukjae’s ears got so red and he’s blushing to death
donghae just chuckled looking his reactions
“the fuck are you so cute for....” he ruffles hyukjae’s hair without he even realized.
hyukjae’s heart beats so fast after donghae did that.
“i didnt know that you’re this cute actually, it’s different when you’re dancing..”
“uhm y-yeah i dont know it’s just naturally done.. b-but no i-im not that cute you know”
“do you have time after this?”
“just going home maybe, why?”
“lets take a walk a little and let me take you home. is that okay for you?”
“w-why do you want to take me home? ”
“i dont know. it feels like i must make a first move by taking you home?”
hyukjae didnt know that donghae is this bold. he’s flustered and cant say anything
“come on lets take a little walk here..” then donghae just pulled hyukjae’s hand ready to walk around hongdae..
“s-sure”
they walk around hongdae street, talk about everything, and donghae found out that hyukjae is fun. he even reacts to donghae’s lamest jokes. and donghae managed to know why hyukjae loves to dance and why he did this street dance.. donghae feels sorry but when he didnt offers help because hyukjae already told him that he can do this alone and he didnt need anyhelp. because he loves it too dancing. donghae always wonders why he loves to be alone but he didnt talk about it, maybe next time. hyukjae seems like he’s comfortable with donghae’s presence because hyukjae keeps laughing and responding to anything donghae said.
“i have told you why i love dancing,, so what do you love donghae-ssi?”
“basketball, you didnt know that im in the uni team?”
“uhm yep i dont know, sorry i didnt know at all about our uni and stuffs, im just coming for the grades and graduates quickly thats it”
“yeah well it’s obvious of you hmm yeah so if thats the case, you must watch me on the basketball competition 2 weeks later”
“ huh.. why should i?”
“so you can get to know me better”
“it’s not even a reason”
“i watched almost all your performances you must pay back”
“but i didnt ask you to watch it anyway”
“then should i tell everyone that youre doing street dance?”
“NO PLEASE DONT. okay i’ll watch”
“good.”
“why youre so annoying”
“because it seems you already take my heart away”
“sksjfdksjf stop saying something like that. we just knew each other for like few hours”
“i dont care, youre cute”
“stopppp”
after hanging out for a while, they decide to go home. donghae gives hyukjae a ride to home. in the car, they both actually have the same music tastes so they sing along together along the way home.
“thank you, i admit it today is fun even you’re kinda annoying. but you know it’s weird to see you the famous guy hanging around with me the emo and lonely guy in the class, it’s okay if you shouldnt hang out with-”
“hey lee hyukjae, dont you just realized that i flirted my ass off for you this entire night? i fuckin like you so dont you dare to push me away, because i’ll come for you no matter what happens, okay got it?”
“b-but-”
“no buts or i’ll kiss you right now”
“f-fine f-fine, o-kay then see you tomorrow on class, i guess?”
“see you- oh i forget to tell you something”
“what is it?”
“come closer quick”
“wha-”
donghae suddenly takes off his seat belt and kisses hyukjae’s head quick.
“good night”
“h-hey w-what-”
“see you tomorrow dancing fairy”
hyukjae will never knew that his life will change completely after this day.
after that day, donghae who’s always sits on the back and near the exit door, suddenly sits on the middle near the window where hyukjae always sits.
“good morning, from now i’ll sit here for the whole semester”
“what even?”
and people slowly started whispering to each other when this happened. what is happening when this hottest basketball player of the uni suddenly sits beside this emo guy. and people keeps wondering through the 2 hours class because donghae cant keep his hands down off hyukjae.
sometimes he plays with his hair like curling it and carressing it.
“hey”
“what now”
“you should show your face more even your hair is this long, like this”
donghae slips hyukjae’s hair slowly behind his ears and make it like his face be more seen.
“pretty. i think you should cut your bangs a little”
and ofcourse hyukjae is blushing to death again
“s-stop playing , listen to the professor”
“yea yea yea”
hyukjae definitely realized this sudden attention and he’s nervous af. he hates attention (except for his dancing).
class ends and hyukjae wants to go home right now. hyukjae quicks cleans his table and ready to go home.
“dont you need to go to hongdae?”
“im tired so i ask them for a day off.”
“oh, then can you watch me practice for a bit?”
“why... should i....”
“pleasseeeee please please please”
donghae cant stop whining and people start staring at them..
“fine fine fine please shut up”
“then lets go”
they arrived at the indoor field and his teammates are wondering who he brought at the field..
“wait here, it takes 30 minutes then i’ll take you home”
“why is it so fast?”
“because this time i just need to coach the juniors and my other teammates will take care for the rest of it.”
“ah right, you’re the captain. cool”
“you will know that im cooler than you think.”
“prove it”
donghae smiled to hyukjae and take the challenge “of course i will prove it”
donghae starts to coach the juniors, he’s so different while on the field. he becomes all serious and dicipline towards the juniors. he showed them the moves and how to play properly. and he really proved it that he’s cool when he did basketball. his moves is quick and he had like his clever strategy to trick the opponents. he looks amazing while doing the shots. he scored many points. he’s definitely the ace of the team.
“he’s just showing off, but i admit he’s cool”
then suddenly some of his teammates comes to where hyukjae sits in the side of the field.
“hey who are you? donghae’s friend?”
“y-yeah kinda” hyukjae looks a bit nervous always
“but how come i never find a cute guy like you in this uni, weird, are you from other uni?”
“no-no im in the same class as donghae”
“oh, are you interested in him or -” when one if his teammates didnt even finish his sentence suddenly a ball thrown at his head.
“dont you dare to touch my property” donghae who throws the basketball quickly runs to hyukjae
“eish you prick, we just try to get to know him, whats the problem”
donghae starts to pull hyukjae behind his back, and holds his hand tightly
“he’s mine get away from him even youre all my teammates dont you dare to go near him or i’ll kill you”
“look! look! he’s that scary.... come on lets go guys hahaha”
“he’s like an angry puppy... our captain is indeed scary”
then they go away..
“i start to regret to bring you here, are you okay”
“im finee nothing to worry”
“but you looked hella nervous”
“HAHAHA youre right but you know i cant stay calm in front of new people”
“right... sorry..”
“it’s okay really you fool. by the way, i admit that youre cool. i love your quick moves”
“right? im indeed the coolest in basketball”
“pfft showing off. here drink it” hyukjae gives donghae a water
“thanks..”
“you looked so exhausted, dont you need a rest?” hyukjae takes a towel from the bench and wipes donghae’s forehead while he’s drinking
“look you’re drenched in sweat..”
this time donghae who’s flustered, drops his drink on the floor. fortunately the bottle already empty.
“hey whats wrong you drop your bottle. oh wait- fuck youre- blushing?!?”
then donghae nods slowly
“arghhhh take your towel, now im flustered more” hyukjae just throws the towel to donghae and runs away. and donghae quick grabs his hand.
“lets stop this and lets go home..”
donghae starts to say goodbye to everyone and go home with hyukjae
donghae didnt even realized he still grabs hyukjae’s hands until they got into his car. donghae’s tightens his holds without saying anything. and hyukjae still got his ears red while holding hands with him. then donghae suddenly said,
“two weeks from today, i have a match..”
“ehm”
“then maybe i cant visit you often at night.. but i will still visit you”
“it’s okay though you dont need to come often-”
“no but i love to come. and if i win-”
silence for a moment
“go on a date with me”
“and if i lose, i will go back to my original seat”
“how?”
“s-sure it’s up to you”
“do you know that i want to kiss you so bad on your pretty lips but i resisted it because i need to win first”
“youre crazy”
“i know. for you”
donghae is indeed a love fool. he’s challenging himself to win and he decides it himself too. hyukjae cant understand donghae’s mind at all. he just met him for like maybe 2 weeks? lately donghae just keeps wandering around him like a puppy. since he sat beside hyukjae in the class, he keeps following hyukjae around. donghae is a clingy puppy. sometimes he takes hyukjae home or even picks him up in the morning. hyukjae is totally okay with that and he feels that donghae is not a total nuisance for him. he likes his presence actually. hyukjae admits donghae is such a gentleman, kind, and funny person. at least he’s trying to be a funny one.
“stop trying to be funny. your joke is a total failure”
“at least im trying!” donghae looks upset and it’s cute
“aigu, eung eung aiguu” hyukjae unconsciously ruffles his hair
hyukjae suddenly realized his actions and he’s completely frozen. he’s about to lower his hand but it’s too late. donghae grabs it fast.
“dont” he takes hyukjae’s hand and place it into his cheek softly.
“h-hey..” hyukjae slowly starts to speak
donghae slowly closed his eyes and still grabs hyukjae’s pretty fingers in his cheek..
“i love your hands. it’s delicate and softer than mine.” hyukjae cant say a word. he’s about to explode
“youre really driving me crazy” he finally opened his eyes and brings hyukjae’s hand closer to his lips. slowly, he kissed that pretty hand softly
“im definitely gonna make you fall in love with me”
hyukjae’s ears are so burning like tomato. he’s speechless. he’s never been loved by someone boldly like this. donghae is a whole new one.
day by day passed and it’s time for donghae’s basketball match. hyukjae promised him to come but he had a sudden calls from his street dancers mates that they have a sudden meeting that day. he didnt have time and he’s in rush. he’s late for like 15 minutes. he ran like crazy to the university stadium.
“oh man i cant be late. i promise him”
while in the stadium, donghae seems like looking around the whole seats in the stadium from the basketball field. hyukjae isnt there.. he’s a little bit upset..
“didnt he want a date with me.... did he hate me.. but he kinda likes me. or am i just delusional...”
then the match begins.
hyukjae still on the bus and keeps looking on his phone.
he’s finally arrived at the stadium and he’s 20 minutes late. hyukjae breaths heavily as he arrived at the stadium seats. fortunately there’s an empty seat at the front.
“thank god i didnt miss the whole match” hyukjae sighed
the score right now is tie and keep chasing each other. hyukjae is freaking anxious. he’s already sweating even he didnt play the game. he’s nervous too. the 3rd quarter is already finished. and there’s a break for like 5 minutes. donghae is sweating real hard.. his jersey is all wet and hyukjae knew he’s tired. donghae pants heavily and his looks are all serious. donghae looks around to the audiences and he’s smiled brightly after that. of course he’s looking on his fallen angel who looks extraordinary beautiful today. turned out hyukjae wears bright outifts and donghae looks stunned. the crowds screamed when donghae smiled brightly like that. he definitely had fans actually. who’s not gonna love him when he is such a perfect guy. and the crowds in the stadium seats already knew that donghae just smiled like that for hyukjae. hyukjae who’s flustered like hell keep lowering his head because of embarrassment. all the attentions on him really makes him nerrvous and flustered. then he looked slowly on donghae who’s still looking at him from the field.
“fighting!” hyukjae finally mouthing those words slowly
donghae nods slowly “i will”
the last quarter starts. the game is playing again. the score gaps still in a slight different. sometimes our uni leads , sometime the opponent leads. donghae still plays in a pretty good state even it’s the last quarter. he’s really working hard on this. he scores well too. he’s indeed a pro hyukjae thinks. 5 minutes left and hyukjae couldnt be more nervous than now. he keeps moving his feet anxiously.
“come on donghae-ya, you can do this come on”
3 minutes left and the score is tied
2 minutes left....
1 minute left.....
30 seconds left... suddenly donghae takes the ball and he runs.
and the plot twisted! he did the buzzer beater and scores 2 points! the uni team won!!
hyukjae screams and claps happily with the crowds to celebrate the winning team. donghae runs and hugs the team to celebrate it also. then donghae looks to the audiences and searched for hyukjae. he smiled to hyukjae and runs to the audiences seat. hyukjae is flustered and he’s like ready to run but the crowds are just too crowded for him to run. he cant move from his seat because too many people there. donghae who runs there and of course making the crowds even wilder.
finally, donghae faces hyukjae. hyukjae stands slowly and face donghae who’s all wet in sweats.
“c-congrats you won” hyukjae said
“of course im a man with words”
“hum sure sure”
“so, a date with me?”
“sure mr. lee, just decide the time and place.”
“this weekend? are you free?”
“im free”
“your street dance schedule?”
“i can make my schedule off for you”
“wah im very honored”
they just laughs after that .. donghae suddenly places his hand softly into hyukjae’s cheek and said
“you looked beautiful today.”
that time when he did that, the crowds screams wilder because of that sudden scene. seems like the girls love them being together too.
“uu-uh thanks....” said hyukjae nervously
“i-i mean you look beautiful everyday but today you’re extra lovely”
“s-stop”
“sorry i cant help myself. thank you for coming. seeing you like this on the audiences makes me more competitive haha”
“but sorry im late earlier. there’s-”
“no no it’s okay even you came for the last 10 minutes i’ll be glad”
“mwoya..”
“uhm, i will have a dinner with my team, so..... i’ll text you later?”
“of course you can go then”
“i really dont wanna leave you like this but-”
“eish you just won, you must celebrate it you brat”
“but i want to be with you....”
“dont be like a kid. just go”
“fine.... dont forget this weekend okay? i’ll pick you up”
“eung eung i promise.... okay? just gooo quickk” hyukjae pushes him slowly
“okay fine, but before i go-”
“what now....”
donghae moves one step closer and kisses hyukjae’s forehead rightaway... hyukjae is dazed again for the nth time because of this man.
“see you on weekend” donghae said softly and leaves him in shock.
the crowds keep screaming excitedly looking at the scene... donghae is indeed a crazy and bold if it comes to love. he’s like the type of “what he wants, he always gets.”
the d-day.
after his 22 years of living, it’s the first time of him going on a date with a guy. he never admits he’s gay or straight because he never knew how to fall in love before. but dang there’s that guy, that very guy who came to his life like a bomb, a love bomb. he doesnt have any idea at all, what to wear and what should he do later.
“eish what am i thinking too much. it’s just a date?! calm lee hyukjae. lets be calm first okay. lets wear the usual outfit”
hyukjae is ready to go with his best outfit, a denim jacket with a grey tshirt inside it and a long pants with same colour. then he goes to the meet up point at starbucks near his street dance place.
actually donghae arrived early and he’s already with his ice americano. he sits beside the window while looking on his phone. hyukjae who came after ordering an ice chocolate (he’s a literal non coffee person) approached donghae slowly.
“h-hey sorry im a bit late”
then donghae looked up and “oh hyunkjae no it’s o-”
before he finished his words.. he’s stunned again for the nth time right now. hyukjae always makes his heart explodes... today he looked outstanding. wonderful. beautiful. his fallen angel.... donghae is falling from head to toe.
“you looked beautiful.. oh my god. are you real??”
“eish. stop it you’re just exaggerating. you look good too today.”
“im just wearing all black here, and youre looking super good and how can i deserve you my angel......”
hyukjae cant stand this cringe man in front of him and punch him on his chest. and he just arrgh-ed
“stop with this nonsense and lets go okay you cringe weirdo”
“okay okay hahaha”
they walked out from the cafe and finally go somewhere.
“what are we going to do today?”
“lets watch a movie?”
“call!”
they go to the nearby cinema and watch avengers. both of them are in love with marvel so they had fun watching it. it’s not even a romance movie but donghae quietly slipped his hand to hyukjae’s hand beside him and holding it tight. he’s still focusing on the movie without looking on his hand which automatically in tangled with hyukjae’s. hyukjae feels his heart almost jumped at this state. hyukjae already experienced these kind of actions donghae gave him. but he’s still not used to these... it still gives him an explosion in his mind. hyukjae tryin to be calm as ever while enjoying the movie.
the movie ended and they’re so happy because it comes with a happy ending. they walked out from the cinema still holding hands. donghae seems didnt want to let go, so does hyukjae.
“do you like it?”
“of course, ive been wanting to watch it since it came out”
“glad then we’re the same. lets go strolling this street and find place to eat.”
they take a stroll to the street. walking around while watching some of the street performers. they buy some snacks and share it together. hyukjae bought an ice cream cone and he enjoys it so much. while he enjoys the vanilla ice cream slowly (still holding hands with donghae) donghae suddenly comes to his face closer and licks the ice cream too. so they just few inch apart with their forheads attached from one another.
“hmm it’s good”
hyukjae who’s startled by his actions (again) just continue with his ice cream and nods. donghae who always looks like an innocent boy after doing all of these sudden actions, smiles happily.
hyukjae finally done with the ice cream and he said
“dont you want to buy any snacks here? there are many delicious snacks here”
“hmmm let me think”
donghae slower his walks and thinks but suddenly looks up on hyukjae
“whats wrong?” hyukjae asks
“there’s-” donghae just wiped the leftover of the ice cream in hyukjae’s lips corner and licks it for himself.
“okay clean”
again... for the infinite time already... lets just calm down heart. said hyukjae in his mind
then they watched some street performers there. there are some bands performing so they decided to watch them.
“wah they’re so good. i love his voice. it’s soothing”
the band apparently sings baekhyun’s song UN Village. and it sounds good with the band performance.
“hm yeah it’s good i love it too.” donghae finally said. they’re still holding hands in quiet while enjoying the performances.. after few minutes donghae lets go of his hand and moves from the side to hyukjae’s back. suddenly donghae slips his both hands circling hyukjae’s waist. donghae is backhugging him. he places his head in hyukjae’s shoulder and quietly whispers something
“you know, im still tired from yesterday’s match... but i really want to have a date with you quickly. lets stay like this for another one song they perform”
“s-sure...”
they stay like that for a while.. hyukjae carresses donghae’s hands in his waist softly while enjoying the performance... hyukjae slowly leaned his head to donghae’s in his shoulder...
“you did great... lee donghae im so proud.. promise me after this date, you will rest okay?”
“ehmm, thank you.. okay i promise..” said donghae while closing his eyes and hugging him even tighter..
the atmosphere there really fits them right now, the music, the lights, and the environment there... hyukjae slowly carresses donghae’s hair slowly... donghae feels so comfortable, hugging hyukjae warms his body. he loves it too much
the song ends and donghae still doesnt want to let go.
“the song ends.. come on we must eat...”
“lets just walk like this then”
“weirdo i would never do that of course. come on eish youre like a koala lets go eat okay?”
“fine....” finally donghae lets go his hugs and starts to holds hyukjae’s hand again
“good boy. i have my favourite restaurant around here. lets go there, you’ll love it”
they finally go to hyukjae’s favourite restaurant nearby. it’s a korean dish restaurant. they served good meats and many more.
they arrive and sit near the window. the place is cozy and not too many people there. because it’s already night and got a few hours left open. they already ordered some things to eat and wait for them to come.
“donghae..”
“hm?”
“i had fun today. you know that i never been in a date before. and it turned out today is great. it’s because of you. thank you i love it so much”
“you know, maybe im the luckiest person here because i can make you go on a date with me”
“not again please oh my”
“seriously, my basketball friends always asked many things about you, but i never answered any of them because you’re gonna be mine. and mine only” said donghae proudly
“cringey stop it”
“but it’s really true like how not to fall in love with you when you’re looking like a fallen angel”
“s-so do you fall in love with me?”
“of course i do?!? it’s obvious though..”
“i know.”
“perhaps... you dont like me?”
“no of course not you dumb”
“ so you like me??”
then the food comes...
“lets eat first hahahahah”
“aaarghhh lee hyukjae the cliffhanger”
they finally eat together happily... and donghae keeps giving hyukjae food and feeding him.
“stop feeding me, i can eat by myself..”
“you’re too thin you must eat a lot!!”
“i know i know i eat a lot actually but i dont know my body looks so small i guess”
they finished their dinner and walked out from the restaurant.
“it’s already late, do you want to do something at this hour or lets just go home?”
“lets just go home, you need to rest too. i know you havent rest well since the match right?”
“h-hmm yeah but-”
“lets just go home okay. it’s enough, i love this date and im so happy okay?”
“fine lets go home then”
“good, you also need to rest quickly”
they have a ride in donghae’s car to hyukjae’s apartment. they talk about anything in the car like how does it feel winning the match, and something about donghae and his love for basketball.
“you’re really pro basketballer even you’re not that tall hahaha”
“eish, not just tall people who’s becoming a pro. this not too tall people like me can be one too!”
“okay okay, but i admit you’re really good. you’re really great at sport. am i right?”
“yeah you can say so. i love working out my body though hahaha”
“i know it’s too obvious with your big stature. it’s good actually”
“good for what?”
“this is embarrassing to say but i love your hugs it’s comfy and warm....”
silence for a bit....
“oh my god what did i just say just forget it”
donghae just smiled and said “i can give you more hugs in the future too”
“just stop it kasdjksad this is embarrassing”
they finally arrived on hyukjae’s apartment.. but it seems hyukjae seems to think about something..
he hesitates at first but he finally gathers his courage to say this.
“lee donghae”
“hm yes?”
“y-you can come if y-you want” said hyukjae slowly
donghae looked a bit startled but he nods anyway
“sure”
they walked out from the car quietly and donghae slowly grabs hyukjae’s hand. they walk slowly to the hyukjae’s room. without a single speech they entered the room.. still holding hands. hyukjae can feel his heart about to explode anytime. hyukjae’s room looked clean and neat.. donghae looks around for a lil bit and he still follows hyukjae where to go. they finally sit together in the side of the bed.. after a moment of silence..
“your house is nice”
“t-thanks..”
then hyukjae said again “do you want a drink or something-”
“i want you.”
the moment donghae said that, hyukjae’s heart really beats so fast.
“you know i cant resist you and you just bring me here... so what do you expect me to do?”
“I-I-feel like wanna to invite you-” hyukjae flustered he cant think of anything
“i really want to kiss you right now.. can i?”
hyukjae cant think of anything and he just nods.....
donghae moves closer and kisses him slowly... the kiss feels so warm and delicate.. hyukjae loves how donghae kisses him... he completely melts into his lips. his mind goes blank.. he just thinks of this man here kissing him passionately without any hesitation.. after few moments, donghae pulls back..
“so what’s your answer? do you like me too?”
hyukjae nods slowly with his ears already becomes red as tomato..
“i-i like you... a lot”
“i love you too my angel.”
donghae smiled softly and moves closer again to press a kiss again to hyukjae. donghae finally kisses him longer and makes hyukjae slowly leans into his own bed while donghae kisses him from above. donghae takes off hyukjae’s denim jacket slowly while continue kissing him delicately.. slowly one by one, donghae unbuttons his shirt and takes it off and hyukjae too. donghae who takes hyukjae’s shirt off. donghae loves every hyukjae’s feature. his white and soft skin against his lips. he kisses every spots in hyukjae.. donghae always wants this. he wants all of him. he wants hyukjae from head to toe. donghae gives many lil kisses to hyukjae’s body until he shivers by those. hyukjae’s mind went blank. there’s just donghae, donghae, and donghae. donghae’s lips in every space of his milky skin... he even left some red purplish marks there.. hyukjae cant say anything he loves it too. donghae who finally faces hyukjae’s eyes again said
“i would never let you go, i love you too much what should i do...”
“i wont go from you i promise... stay with me until tomorrow..” hyukjae slips his hands into donghae’s neck
“sure my love” donghae continues kissing hyukjae’s lips again.. the cold but warm feeling while having bare body pressed like this. they melt into each other...
after having those marks everywhere, they fiinally go to sleep for real. donghae who had his arm around hyukjae tightly while hyukjae hugs him back..
“you can rest here with me until tomorrow... just sleep well” hyukjae said softly
“of course. thank you for loving me back”
“no..... it’s me who’s feeling so thankful right now. you know i never been in love.. and then you came and made me feel so loved.. and i realized i fell for you too”
“lets just thankful for each other for having this mutual feelings for each other. finally i can say to the world that lee hyukjae my fallen angel is finally mine”
“eish stop blabbering lets just sleep”
“sure sure good night” donghae tightens his hugs and kisses hyukjae’s forhead for the last time.
hyukjae never knew he will have these kind of stories in his life. lee donghae changed his whole lonely life. he finally feels how it is to be loved. and how to love. he loves this man so much. he madly, severely, hardly in love for the first time in his life. and it’s because of lee donghae.
- fin
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—HEY NOW, HEY NOW, DON'T DREAM IT'S OVER
HEY NOW, HEY NOW, WHEN THE WORLD COMES IN
THEY COME, THEY COME, TO BUILD A WALL BETWEEN US
WE KNOW THEY WON'T WIN
anonymous request!!
NOTICE: violence (murder, mentions of cannibalism), heavy sexual content
��“i just painted my nails.”
blankly, she flicks away the blood trickling down her hand and turns it over to inspect the chipped pink polish peeling off with it. her trigger finger relaxes minutely, but her gun remains aimed at the deathly still men at her feet, staring sightlessly into the cloudless, red sky.
“i didn’t think you were that kind of girl.” the click of the clip being slatted into his own weapon accompanies his droll retort. she glances over her shoulder to find yugyeom leaning against the hood of their car, arms crossed loosely across his chest; dark eyes fixed upon the flow of blood across hot concrete.
before it reaches the tip of her shoes, she sidesteps and moves to rifle through the belongings peeking from their pockets. her gun is slipped into the old leather holster at her hip before she pulls a wallet from the closest man, “i was always that kind of girl. it isn’t my fault you never paid attention.”
she spares her companion a look and then turns back to the worn billfold, tossing the plethora of id cards contained into the summer wind, “looks like he was collecting trophies from his kills.”
“how barbaric.” yugyeom hums, impassive. his nose crinkles, however—offended by the emerging malodor of decay, “they reek. are you ready to go?”
“just a minute.”
the few bills contained within are deposited into her back pocket. discarded identification cards bearing the faces of strangers skitter across the road as she makes work of the other male’s wallet and, for good measure, plucks his half-empty carton of cigarettes from his coat pocket.
“got yours?” he slides off the hood of their old black mustang, slapping a palm against the hot metal before opening the driver side door, “because we need to start making some distance if they’ve got friends.”
“you’re a broken record, you know?”
“i’ll stop repeating myself when you start listening.”
the cool flow of a/c when she gets in is a welcome sensation. there are, after all, few luxuries left in a world that has gone to hell and dragged every survivor with it.
her thumb hovers over the radio dial out of habit, turning it on to catch nothing but muted static.
the radio broadcast had stopped four months ago.
where an endless stream of music and advertisements had once been, there was only white noise; broken only by the occasional snare laid by opportunistic hunters. assuming that there was prey left. at least the ones who would believe the theatric cries for help, transmitting on repeat in the early morning hours.
without the loose guide of societal standards, humanity turned on itself. cannibalized the weak. she hits the off button and releases a heavy breath; sinks into her seat as yugyeom starts the engine. what an ugly place to be—
to be left behind in.
“what is it?” his attention is on the road, intent as he navigates smoothly past the still-warm bodies and the last remnants of their victims, innocent things blowing away in the desert wind, “you’re thinking too much.“
“i know. i’m just wondering how many of those fuckers can possibly be hiding out here. how many people they’ve killed, and for what?” her teeth sink into her lower lip, biting down until the dull ache draws her mind back—to the scent of leather and gunpowder and the droll, knowing look yugyeom gives her, “for useless pieces of plastic? money that can only be spent in camps where they’ll be shot on sight?”
one instinct had survived the dissolution of the world, after all. people knew a wanted man when they saw one.
“you know why.” he hums, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel, “i shouldn’t have to remind you.”
“humor me.”
the conversation is an old one, repeated for the sake of soothing what remains of her conscience. stubborn as it is, it comes to life in moments like these; when the adrenaline fades away and she is left with blood caked under her nails and the smell of copper clinging to her skin.
“they kill for the thrill of it.” for her sake, yugyeom answers. the words flow easily, as if he’sreciting a memorized poem; an old story told a time too many. “they enjoy it.”
“i enjoy it.” she confesses, not for the first time. she stretches as the seat allows, arching her back as her fingertips brush the roof; the telltale click of her spine realigning itself brings a fleeting sense of relief. she speaks to the spotted, hazy glass of the sunroof, “i enjoy hunting them and putting them down.”
the blood-red sky is cloudless; speckled only with the brightest starlight breaking through the atmosphere.
“so do i,” he says, and the matter is settled.
again.
—
“so wound up,” she breathes, grazing the curve of his jaw with slow, wet kisses; deft fingers threading through his hair, “i wanted to help,” rolling her hips in a hard grind, she almost chuckles at the way he twitches inside her; the way every muscle in his body seems to tense simultaneously as she darts her tongue out to taste the sweat beading above his collarbone, “but i guess i’m not—should i stop?”
her head spins, body seared by the window beneath her palm and the pressure of the steering wheel digging into the dip of her spine. but it is the ebb and flow of his rhythm that renders her breathless; makes her feel like she’s suffocating the most exquisite way.
she muffles her cries against his throat and centers her attention on the wild skipping of his pulse under her tongue.
yugyeom’s jaw tightens and the next sound that escapes is half-protest, half-groan. she feels the weight of him, pressing into her hips from contrasting directions; his thumbs scoring marks against her skin—his hips canting up to meet hers, languid and deep.
she catches his words after a delayed moment in which her mind stutters to a stop when he brushes a spot inside her that makes her see stars.
“don’t you fucking dare.” it’s quiet, so very quiet, but something in her relishes at the loss of his composure, the rare curse emerging in a growl that tightens the coil inside her. in pursuit of more, she forces herself to stop with him buried as deep as their bodies allow; clenches around him until she can see something in him snap.
it makes it all that much sweeter when he comes apart.
he is, in these moments, the only beautiful sight left in this wretched world.
—
she wears his bruises like trophies, sometimes, lounging in the backseat with her legs folded beneath her and a brush running through her hair.
he watches through the rear-view mirror, as he always does, when she shifts—clad only in a pair of practical briefs and bra. the impression of his hands frame her hips and she takes pleasure in watching his eyes wander before he realizes what he’s doing. because kim yugyeom is always composed, always in control.
except when he isn’t.
and their dalliances are less about attraction than they are about release. she swears on that.
there is a softness to his touch when he isn’t paying attention—in the midnight hours, when their only light is the blue-tinge of headlights cutting through the dark; in the moments before he cuts the engine and his hand slides from the gear-shift to grip hers. “we’re keeping this quick,” he mutters, in a way that is more order than she cares for.
she’s out of the car before he can say anything else, “if they don’t drag it out.”
her sidearm is grasped firmly with her finger hovering over the trigger, her only guide the faint flickering of a campfire in the distance—
the stench of unwashed bodies and smoke.
every step is muffled beneath the howling of the wind and the hush of sand swirling over the earth. hunting is a natural instinct, but stealth is an acquired skill. it is her contribution in their little arrangement, because as graceful as yugyeom is he is impossible to miss.
he follows behind her, well-worn boots crushing the few sprigs of grass that have survived the onslaught of an unforgiving sun. even at this hour, the edge of it lingers on the horizon; an angry crimson-gold.
“you should’ve heard her scream,” comes the distant echoes of laughter from the makeshift camp ahead, beyond the shadow cast by the tents circling the site. they are lit from within by the fire on the other side, revealing silhouettes of figures perched upon folding chairs and the prone half-body beside the fire, “i’d have kept her alive just to hear it again, but a man’s gotta have his dinner.”
it’s an old sight, but it turns her stomach just the same.
her finger itches over the trigger, and she doesn’t have to look back to feel the intent radiating from the man behind her.
two, she holds up the signal and raises her gun while sidestepping into the gap beneath the twin tents. it takes effort to ignore the scavenged woman lying in the dirt; the silver and gold ring on her left hand gleaming in the firelight. someone’s wife.
instead she steels her voice and, assured that yugyeom has his gun trained on the other man, disengages the safety. “on the ground,” it comes out with a hiss; air flowing between teeth gritted so hard she feels it in her jaw.
the sight of the duo scrambling to find her in the darkness is only mildly satisfying. no, the true pleasure only comes when yugyeom fires a warning shot that grazes his target’s cheek, and abject fear takes hold.
“who’s there?” her target. his face is buried in the dirt; amorphous cooked meat beside his head. it takes effort to hold her fire until her boot slams into his spine and the barrel of her gun finds its way into his hair; digs into his scalp.
“you don’t need to concern yourself with that. i’ve got a question for you.”
on the other side of the fire, yugyeom does much the same—nose wrinkling as the man beneath him squirms under his knee; whines incoherently about the gash in his cheek.
“what do you want?”
“you got any buddies out here?” she asks, watching his eyes flicker about wildly, as if searching for an escape. or reinforcements, as the case may be. she secretly hopes for the latter.
“it’s just us,” the man whispers, and she pulls the trigger.
an answering shot rings through the night, and she looks up to see yugyeom wiping blood from his forehead before he walks to the parked pickup truck nearby. he preforms a perfunctory search, pulling a marked map from the glove compartment and a few bills that disappear into the pockets of his jeans.
“quick enough for you?” she questions before she can stop herself, trailing after him with a contemplative look at the container sitting next to the rear tire.
he nods, placid as ever, though she can see the spark of something in his eyes—the promise of another night spent chasing a different sort of satisfaction.
this is, after all, empty work on the best of days.
“the map—“
“for later. to find any stragglers.” she watches as he glances back at the campsite; stares at the blood splattered everywhere. it’s the clenching of his jaw that makes her act upon the persistent urge to act—to reach for the gas container and unscrew the cap.
without a word, she tips it and watches the crystalline liquid soak the ground at her feet. she doesn’t stop until the canister is empty and the site is soaked in the smell of gasoline; each body drenched with it.
he doesn’t stop her.
the only move he makes is toward her, to stand at her side as she fishes a matchbook from her back pocket and strikes it; the flame dances at her fingertip for a moment before she drops it—watches the campfire swell within minutes to a blaze that lights the night sky in shades of gold.
the heat is searing—makes her feel as if she’s burning alive, but for the first time she feels satisfaction with this ugly thing they do.
purification by fire.
only the slide of his fingertips over the back of her hand draws her back; the hesitant way that he laces their fingers together and tugs her back toward the car waiting in the distance. she squeezes, and feels the heaviness in her chest lighten when he returns the gesture.
it has practical purpose; less about affection than it is about comfort.
she swears on that.
“where to next?” for lack of anything better to say, she inquires into the open air, taking her first breath of fresh air.
yugyeom seems to hesitate, and she watches from the corner of her eye as he turns the question over in his mind before he speaks. always thoughtful, always choosing his words carefully.
“i think we’re overdue for a trip home.”
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