Chapter 9: Pain

warnings: drug use

i suck at posting lol

“What the fuck do you mean Taehyung!” You slammed the car door shut focused on getting inside before the tears overcame you. “Y/n, you don’t understand-“ The look you gave him when you turned around made him go silent. “I can not believe i fucking trusted you with ANYTHING, you were the biggest mistake of my entire life and I hope you fucking suffer for the rest of your life knowing what you did,” Your screams echoed down the hallow street. You never felt so betrayed in your life but you just weren’t ready to face the fact that it was all your fault.

1 month earlier

There has always just been something about being healthy, it bored you. Oh god, you feel good, energized and productive? Boring. You never understood it but at the same time you didn’t understand anything about yourself. Taehyung lives a healthy lifestyle. He eats when he should, he works out, has priorities and well it rubbed off on you. You say its because of his influence that you got off your newly prescribed Xanax as long as it took to get them. (like a month give or take) but deep down you know it’s all because of yourself. Now, you are just happy, genuinely but at some point you remember that your life was never meant to have a happy ending. Its this cycle you go through everytime you think you’ve actually gotten your life together. Happy. Hopeful. Doubtful. Relapse. So as one does.. you relapsed.

Lying to Taehyung, wasn’t hard. It makes you sounds like a terrible person but it comes with the job of being an addict, basically. It’s been going on for a week now and just because you’re used to lying doesn’t mean your good at it. Taehyung has been noticing how much more distant you have been. Going to sleep before him, not feeling up to going out with him, sleeping in late, you hardly see him. You never realized or took into consideration that what you were doing was gonna impact your relationship, stupid huh? Taehyung is very detail oriented which you are as well. If he was being distant you would of been flipping out on him at this point asking if he even loves you anymore but he is more subtle and it’s painful. He makes small remarks suggesting he feels lonely and it stabs at your heart making you feel like the horrible person that you truly are. There’s some lightness in there but you let your demons overcome you every time and it ruins everything. At this point everyone would be saying ‘why don’t you just stop’ you can’t. You’ve gone too far and your dark mind has come accustomed to the fact that you can get away with your dirty deed.

“My love?” Taehyung softly speaks to you ask your falling asleep on the couch. You peak your eyes open showing him your listening. “Do you still want to be with me? Have I scared you away?” “Of course I want to be with you, what are you talking about.” You hate how you just shut him down knowing the root of his seek for reassurance. Your one, too high to sit there and give him proper reassurance, two, your high mind doesn’t care to and three, it selfishly brings you too much pain to deal with the suffering that you caused once again to a kind hearted person. How long could you do this for? That question stayed in your mind… and it scared you to know the answer. As long as you could.

Chapter 8: Always Listening

warnings: drug talk

Well… after a very long hiatus.. I plan to finish this story but don’t worry.. this is just the beginning ;)

“JUNGKOOK BE QUIET ALREADY,” Yoongi groaned slapping at the boys back. At this point, everyone wished they could get just a wink of sleep but their minds were still running even after 12 hours of tripping. Maybe you should of mentioned that before…you would always just take a xan after your trip but you know, sobriety. “I’m kind of hungry,” Hoseok popped up out of his blanket. “Me too,” Namjoon laughed. “Should weee… go to the convenience store?” You offered knowing they couldn’t deny the offer. “We can’t all go out at this time, not even a trip will make me forget we’re famous,” Jimin giggled. “Me and y/n can go, you all can just text us what you want,” Taehyung commented while standing up and stretching. “Ok but don’t take forever kissing in an alley, we’re starving,” Jin yelled under his blanket. “Whatever,” You let out a laugh getting up and getting shoes on.

“So, how was it?” You broke the silence with Taehyung as you both walked down the street. He pulls your arm dragging you in between two buildings putting your arms around his waist. “It was great, it showed me a lot,” he smirked. “yah, we’re doing exactly what Jin said not to do,” you laughed. “Mmm so I shouldn’t kiss you right now, right?” You hated how much of a tease this man was it drove you insane. Your cheeks were already burning up. “Whatever,” you mumbled pulling him in closer and kissing him. You pulled away getting curious about what he said before, “What did it show you?” You moved your head to the side in a cute way excited for what he was going to say. Excited you were the reason he had this once in a life time experience. “That everything I have done, am doing, and will do is all worth it,” he smiled softly putting your hair around your ear. He must really admire you, doing such cliche movie things. You loved it though. “Seems like you have everything planned out then,” “Sure do baby,” He slapped your butt making you giggle then grabbed your hand so you could continue your way to the store. The ramen was just screaming your name at this point.

“You know you have to wait even longer to get your meds now right?” Taehyung taunted with a little concern in voice. God knows the hell you were going to rain in the next few days. “Not exactly,” You smiled deviously picking up the bag full of ramen and walking back outside while Taehyung quickly paid. “What do you mean?” “I always faked urine tests for jobs, it’s no biggie” “Oh yea, who’s gonna lend you their piss?” Silence filled the street as you tried to contain your laugh. “Absolutely not Y/n,” Taehyung scolds you finally catching onto the silence. You stop at the door of the convenience to respond with, “That’s too personal to ask of them. All jokes aside, I don’t want them to see me that way, it’s already a shame you do.” “At the beginning it seemed like you thought I would instantly see you in a bad way,” Taehyung whispered into your ear as he opened the door. “Listen, my will to push good people away is stronger than my will to live.”

“Y/n…” Namjoon whispered peaking into Taehyungs room. Everyone was asleep but luckily for you, you were never able to sleep after doing acid unless you had Xanax. The one thing that felt impossible to get at this point. “Could you step out for a sec?” “Yea,” You slowly got out of bed trying not to wake up Taehyung but truthfully you could body slam him and he’d still be snoring. “What’s up?” You asked a bit concerned because you don’t get how he could be up so late. “I don’t know, i’ve just been thinking a lot and it’s keeping me up. Taehyung doesn’t get attached easily so seeing how he is with you… I just don’t want him to get hurt,” he sighed pausing for a second, “but don’t take this the wrong way I can just tell you’re going through a lot and I don’t know if he can handle that.” Yea, the speech. The ‘I don’t think you should be around my daughter anymore’ speech. Couldn’t blame the poor guy even if you wanted to, being the bad influence was your forte. “I get it Namjoon, I do but I tried everything in the book to get him to run away and here I am now in a different country.. different continent even. The last thing I would do now is hurt him in any way, he stayed. Most people don’t,” a tear escaped your eye. This whole situation was not expected at all so you don’t know what to do. You’re so damaged and if you want keep Taehyung or at least not damage him as well you’re gonna have to deal with a lifetime of issues, starting with getting sober. “Thank you, for that. I’m sorry if i’m out of line im just-“ “hungover?” you both laughed. “Yea, basically. Make sure you get some sleep okay?” he gave you a warm smile before walking away. You creeped back inside for absolutely no reason and layes back in bed. “You’re not gonna damage me Y/n.. everything about you is just… right,” You quickly turned around very shocked that Taehyung was awake. “How do you always end up hearing shit you’re not supposed to hear?” You laughed. “I don’t know honestly,” He said starting to laugh with you. You sighed as you finished laughing looking into his gorgeous eyes, “ugh just give me a kiss.”

Chapter 7: Influences

warnings: heavy drug mention, cussing, if your uncomfortable with drug use i would stop reading this story NOW

at this point i’ll post when i post im sorry lol let me know if you want to be tagged though

“So do psychedelics really fry your brain?” Hoseok and Jimin have been bombarding you with question while they took a break from their practice. They really have never been around someone like you before. “Only if you do it a lot, many people do it once and never feel the need to do it again,” you will always have a soft spot for psychedelics. You’ve done them about ten times too many but you are a hippy at heart. “Hobi would actually be the most ideal person to do psychedelics, he’s very happy and open minded. I learned the hard way you really have to be in a good mindset for it.” “Wahh, that’s so cool I bet it’s a cool experience,” Jimin responded. It almost sounded like he wanted to try it, you should probably stop talking… the idea sounds fun though. Tripping with the 7 idiots. You absolutely love tripping with innocent ass people, it’s so much fun to watch but you don’t want to be a bad influence.

Psychedelics aren’t addictive though…

“How are you feeling today?” Taehyung asked hugging you tightly with his sweat covered body. “Mm, a lot better actually.” “That’s good, you look a lot better today as well.” “You really do, I thought you were dead when I saw you sleeping on the couch yesterday,” Jin piped in laughing like a window wiper. Taehyung got more and more comfortable being touchy with you around the members as time went by but it’s saying the least when you say you live with 6 cock blockers. Not even the lust inside you could keep your mind off the awful idea Jimin and Hoseok gave you. The usual you wouldn’t think twice about this but you have to admit you’ve gotten comfortable here. You don’t want to mess things up with the guys, ever. Well, maybe it could be a little secret between the three of you… No.

“So why were you so curious earlier ?” You hopped over to Hoseok’s side as he started walking out of the BigHit building. “Mm, it intrigued me, I think Jimin might actually do it someday.” He laughed shaking his head thinking about him. “Don’t you? One day..?” Hobi stopped in his tracks and looked at you. He looked up at the sky in thought before responding, “Maybe, I mean like you said, most people only ever do it once.” You felt like a terrible person right now. “I would love to do it with you, whenever you would want to… i’d be the best to be with actually.” Hobi laughed as he got into the van with you. “I’ll have to think about it.” “Really!?” Okay, maybe you shouldn’t of sounded that excited but really? “Yeah, I mean.. it’s just a one time thing,” He said giving you a small smile. “Do you think any of the other guys would want to do it?” “Oh yeah, all of them probably with a certain amount of convincing.” “REALLY!?”

Is it fucked up that you know exactly how to get the boys to do drugs with you? Maybe. Will it backlash? Probably. You already got Hoseok, Jimin will be easy, Jungkook will probably easily follow, then Hoseok could convince Namjoon and he can convince Jin and Yoongi. That leaves Taehyung. If you can manage your way into getting Taehyung to do it, your best hope would be getting everyone else on board first. You’re not really doing anything wrong, you want them to experience something awesome that shouldn’t hurt them. “Yah, y/n cut to the chase already,” Jimin teased you. You brought him and Hoseok into a room to start your mission, you were definitely stalling. “I kind of got an idea and thought it would be really cool if we all did LSD together just once,” you spoke quietly paranoid someone would walk by and hear you. “Ahh, I mean… it sounds pretty scary but i’m sure you got us covered … that actually sounds pretty fun,” Jimin basically thought out loud about your idea. Two down, five to go. “How would you get it anyways?” Hokseok asked getting a sudden realization that you are brand new to South Korea, you couldn’t of possibly found any drug dealers that fast. “Oh don’t worry, I can get that shit shipped easy,” Jimin gave you a look, silently wondering how you would know this but come on, it’s you. “By the way, how should I ask Jungkook?”

“Wah, isn’t that stuff dangerous? I mean, I don’t know what the hyung will think about it honestly,” Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck responding to the question fo the week. “Well, Jimin and Hoseok said yes,” “Really?” He responded kind of surprised, you weren’t the only one that didn’t suspect those two to be the ones to say yes. “Aren’t you supposed to be getting sober though?” He asked giving off a little suspicion. “I am, this one time won’t change that at all, don’t worry,” “Good luck convincing Tae that,” Jungkook laughed patting you on the back. You weren’t the only one that knew how impossible it will be to convince Taehyung either apparently.

The boys did you good convincing the others to get on board but now Taehyung is the only one unaware of the sceam that’s going on. If someone slips up before you get to him your screwed. He was out getting food for everyone so you were just impatiently sitting in the living room, pretending to watch TV. You kept looking at the front door before finally, your handsome man walked through the door. Yours. God, don’t fuck this up. “Hey baby, what are you watching?” He asked kissing you on your forehead before going to set the food down. “Ah, I don’t really know to be honest,” you nervously laughed. “Tae, can we talk for a bit?” You started to play with your fingers and shake your leg. “Of course, you have your doctors appointment tomorrow by the way.. for your medication,” You almost completely forgot about that. Which is kind of a good thing, drugs haven’t been the only thing on your mind recently. Maybe you should of fled the country a lot sooner. “So basically i’m scared to ask this but literally all the other guys want to do it and it’s 100% a one time thing we can all take it to our graves-“ “Y/n.. just ask,” Taehyung slightly laughed at your blushing face. “Would you want to do LSD with me and the boys, just once?” You couldn’t read his face. It’s usually really easy to read his face but right now you just can’t. “Even Namjoon hyung agreed?” He looked surprised, but not mad. “Yeah, it’s just once it could be a really awesome and spiritual thing to bring us all closer,” you spoke quietly still on edge about him getting upset with you. “Well i don’t want to be the odd one out… if you manage to get it i’ll do it,” he said patting your thigh with a slight smile. Did you just convince all of Bangtan to do LSD with you? You’ve reached a new fucking level.

“Guess who got her drugs, guess who got her drugssss,” you sang skipping into the dorm grabbing everyone’s attention. “What? The LSD or your prescription?” Jin barely made out with all the laughing. “Both actually smart one,” you smiled flicking Jin’s forhead. Today is Friday so it’d be the best time to trip with everyone. You’ve never prepared so much just to do drugs. You have all the playlists, pillows, and water prepared for today. You couldn’t sleep at all last night, you can’t remember the last time you were this excited to drop acid. “Okay, so everyone leave the living room so I can make the place a vibe because we are tripping tonight!” The smile stuck on your face almost felt like you were already tripping. “Really?” Jungkook jumped up showing his nervousness. “Yes and don’t worry, we’ll all have a talk before it happens. Now get the fuck out… respectfully,” You hopped over to Taehyung and kissed him on his cheek before pushing him away with the other guys.

“Wah, is all this really necessary?” Yoongi spoke looking into the living room. You basically made a big fort with everything they may need or want laid out nicely. The OCD deep inside you kind of kicked in but it looked fucking awesome. The boys came in one behind the other and everyone sat in a circle so you could give the whole run down of what to expect and just simply calm their nerves. You were so nervous your first time but it ended up being one of the most beautiful experiences in your life. You told them the Dos and Don’t dos as you passed out 7 colorful tabs of paper and explained what they’ll feel and for how long. “So we doing this?” you asked looking around at everyone.

“Fuck it,” Taehyung said looking at you winking. Your favorite phrase.

“Fuck ittt,” everyone repeated.

Chapter 6: Withdrawal

warnings: cussing, drug mention, withdrawals

so im just the worst procrastinator ever.. i have a hard time keeping with stories but i absolutely love this one so i’ll do better for yall ❤️

“What? What is it? Take a picture creep it will last longer,” you rolled your guys at Taehyung who had been staring at you with his cute box smile for what felt like forever. It was making you blush. “Can I?” He exclaimed like a little child about to open up a christmas gift. You sighed playing rolling your eyes again. “So what now? I mean like once we land, what am I supposed to do?” It was stupid on your part to not fully think this through but for once you let your heart make a decision for you. It felt nice but it made you so anxious. A xanax would of been nice right now. “You can stay with us for as long as you want, we’ll help you look into schools and we’ll start from there,” he grabbed your hand and held it like he was afraid you would jump out the plane before it even took off. This is really making you anxious. You were too consumed with your feelings to even think about making the smart decision of packing some xanax for, well, this. You would have to get it medically prescribed to you in South Korea, you don’t take that place for a druggie world. You’ve never had to go through a withdrawal but something tells you the guys won’t let any of your shit slide.”So how about that picture baby?”

“So y/n is going with the manager to the other exit, the fans are all outside you know how it is,” Namjoon spoke to the group before they walked out of the plane. “Is this my life now?” You only half jokingly whispered to Taehyung. “Not for long babygirl, i’ll post that picture of us eventually,” he whispered back winking at you before kissing your cheek. “See you at the dorm!” He waved at you frantically like a little boy going to his first day at school. Cute.

“Korea really is so different,” you spoke to yourself looking around at the neighborhood you and the manager parked in. Definitely different from California. Seoul was beautiful though, the city lights at night must be a sight. You walked up to the dorm and realized it was a lot different on the inside. The outside made it seem like some average middle class place, which was probably the point but the inside was beautiful. BTS is rich, most definitely but you would of guessed that when you got a mimosa on the private plane. “Mm, I can get used to having you here,” Taehyung wrapped his arms around your waist kissing your neck. You tried to make a response but started realizing something was off. You felt cold but it almost seemed like you were sweating. “What’s wrong?” When you tried to speak you felt something come up from your throat. You pushed Taehyung away and ran to the sink in the kitchen and threw up. “Fuck,” you gagged continuously before you threw up again. “Did the plane make you sick?” Taehyung asked rubbing your back with one hand and grabbing your hair in the other. “I don’t know, maybe, i’m fine I just need to go to a doctor and get some xanax or something,” throwing up made your anxiety sky rocket and it almost seemed like you were starting your first ever withdrawal. “What the fuck y/n, I thought you realized you can’t do that shit here, what are you thinking?” It sounded like Taehyung was scolding you like some child. You had no energy in you to argue with him right now. Your whole body was screaming at you to get something, anything in your system. “Jesus fucking christ,” you rubbed your forehead before turning around walking out the dorm, maybe accidentally slamming the door.

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but is everything okay” Yoongi walked out right when you left bring Tae’s attention to him. “This is gonna be hard, that’s for sure,” Taehyung laughed sarcastically. “If she’s going to the doctor for it that means she wouldn’t be doing anything illegal. She might actually need it. I’ll tell you now though, being someone with anxiety, they won’t give her or anyone Xanax,” Yoongi tried to calm Taehyung’s nerves, he was very obviously frustrated but he didn’t really need to be. He started to feel bad as he thought about it more. He knows you have pretty bad anxiety and his hyung was right, you said you would go to the doctor, not the streets. “Is y/n okay?” Jimin asked walking into the dorm. At least your still out there. “She’s fine, just a little plane sick, Taehyung resolved Jimin’s concern right before you walked in with the rest of the members. “We were just talking about having some drinks to welcome y/n, what do you all think?” Namjoon asked the three guys enthusiastically knowing no one would say no but Taehyung desperately wanted to. The last thing he needs right now is you being drunk and pissy. 

“Guyssss, thank you so much for beinging me here, this is great,” you spoke hugging as many members as you could after taking another big swig of your drink. You were really drunk and absolutely loving it. You noticed Taehyungs glares a long time ago but you didn’t care. You did but you were mad at him for trying to change you. Just because you came here doesn’t mean your just going to stop these habits you’ve had for literally years. He’s being delusional. You made eye contact with him from across the room and quickly turned around to walk the other way, almost completely losing your balance in the process. “Y/n are you okay?” Taehyung ran to you trying to keep you from falling. “I’m fucking fine,” you pushed him away feeling less than fine but your stubbornness kept you from accepting his help. The second you said that though you felt yourself about to throw up and ran to the bathroom only barely making it. “Y/n... i’ll take you to the doctor tomorrow, i’m sorry,” Taehyung got on his knees and rubbed your shoulders as weakly nodded before throwing up again.

“Hyung, i’m gonna miss practice today, I told y/n i’d take her to the doctor,” Tae rubbed the back of his neck as he whispered to Namjoon in the kitchen. “Is she okay?” “She will be, hopefully,” Taehyung sighed walking back to his room before his hyung could respond.

This would be far from how you’ve imagined withdrawals to be like. Your body felt paralyzed, every bone in you ached beyond belief. You had been throwing up all night and sleepless Taehyung stayed by your side the whole time. He felt bad walking back into his room to see you finally sound asleep knowing he had to wake you up if you wanted to get to the doctor on time. “Y/n.. you need to get up so we can take you to the doctor,” His heart melted seeing your nose scrunched up as you attempted to stretch, the pain you were in was very visably noticeable. Tae started to feel a sense of guilt, he didn’t think about how this would happen by having you come to Korea with them. “Do you need the bathroom before we go?” “If I throw up one more time I might actually throw up my insides,” your voice was raspy, hair was tangled beyond belief and your face looked lifeless but Taehyung still blushed and his stomach fluttered as he helped you up. “Well, don’t throw up in my car,” He gave you his box smile making you laugh partially rolling your eyes.

“So we found cocaine, xanax, ecstasy-“ “The list will go on, I know i’m withdrawaling from drugs,” you instantly felt bad for being snappy with the doctor but he probably understood. “Is there anything she can take to get through this?” Tae asked licking his lips and folding his arms, he was so attractive caring for you, it made you blush. “Unfortunately, if she wants to get clean, she can’t take anything. Frankly, with everything in her system i’d recommend rehab,” You scoffed. “Yah, i’m not 12, you can talk to me, the patient,” the doctor gave Taehyung a look before looking at you. His look screamed ‘fucking foreigners’ but fuck him. “Miss, I won’t perscribe you any anxiety medication until you come in again and you’re clean from all the drugs in your system,” “He can’t do that can he?” you turned toward Taehyung but he didn’t give you a response. “I have reason to believe there could be potential abuse if I prescribe you this drug so I have a right to deny you, for the time being.” The doctor gave his final words before bowing and leaving the room. Taehyung sighed before grabbing both your hands, “It’s okay… we’ll all be here for you for the time being and we’ll come back when your better.” You hated his optimism.

ive been a little stuck on where i should take “Not A Love Story” but my friend suggested something AMAZING.. look forward to it❤️❤️ Chapter 6 will be posted around 1-2pm MT on Thursday

Chapter 5: Hope

warnings: cussing, overdose mention, a little angst, drug mention

I thought yesterday was Wednesday 😩 .. a little late but enjoy! :)

After what you remember from last night, anyone would assume you feel like absolute shit. You do but it’s nothing that wasn’t there before last night. Your used to the headaches and body aches. You slowly opened your eyes, the room your in is beyond bright but the bed was beyond comfortable. Taehyung was sitting in a chair in front of you obviously sleep deprived. He probably didn’t sleep at all. “Do you remember anything from last night?” He spoke quietly, he sounded exhausted. “Bits and pieces. Why? Are you okay?” you sat up interigating him. What the fuck did you do to him last night? “Have you ever tried to cluelessly help someone out of a potential overdose while her so called “friends” couldn’t give a single fuck-“ “Taehyung” “No. No you listen to me,” Taehyung raised his voice the more and more he spoke. He went from looking down playing with his fingers to looking at you with eyes that burn into you as he pointed his finger at you. “You make no sense at all. You walk around acting like you know everything but you are so clueless that the people around you wouldn’t care if you died right in front of their eyes. You deserve better. You deserve more y/n. Why do you do this? Why?” Tears started to stream down your face. You weren’t sad or hurt by what he was saying, you just can’t handle people yelling at you. It happend your whole childhood and now you deal with being the most sensitive person anyone comes by. He sighed noticing the tears you failed to wipe away fast enough and pulled you against his chest. “Don’t fucking yell at me.” It was something in the way you muttered those five words that made his heart drop. Every day he seems to feel more and more of your pain. At this point, he just wanted to get you away from here and away from these people. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, i’m not thinking straight i’m so worried for you,” he sighed again sitting down on the bed still holding you against him. “The members are almost in L.A, they’d like to meet you if your up for it.” He was lying out of his ass and even though he hardly lies, he’s not bad at it. The group didn’t ask to see you but he needed to get you away and have you around good people, for once.

“Soo, where are we going?” You and Taehyung haven’t talked much since you cried in his arms. Everything that happened last night is making the usual comfortable silence, very awkward. “This restaurant by their hotel. Be prepared for a lot of raughtiness,” he said softly smiling at you. He’s trying to forget. He’s that type of person, to ignore everything bad that happens so there’s no confrontation. It could be for your sake though, you really don’t want to talk about it. You’ve always hated meeting people’s loved ones. You feel like you have a terrible first impression and your terrified they won’t like you. Taehyung reassured you the whole car ride that they would adore you but there’s always a thought at the back of your head thinking they’ll see right through you and hate you.

“Hello again, y/n, how’s our boy been treating you?” Jungkook quickly walked to you two putting his arm around you with the biggest bunny smile. “Is he secretly a dick or something?” Everyone chuckled at that making you realize the other five had walked over too. Everyone made their introductions while slowly making the way inside the restaurant. They weirdly all made you feel happy without even doing anything. Taehyung looked happy too, the happiest you’ve ever seen him. That stung your heart a little bit, you couldn’t make him smile like that but it’s not like you could even be compared to his members. “So why’d you learn Korean y/n?” Namjoon asked sitting across from you. “Oh, I got really into the culture and stuff. I wanted to live there and teach English.” You hate thinking back to that time in life. So full of hope and dreaming about the future. It was nice to have goals but thinking about it now just hurts you. You fucked up your life, you fucked up your little dream. “Oh wow, why haven’t you moved then?” You knew he was just trying to make conversation but you just hated this one. “Ah, things just turned out differently in high school,” Taehyung glanced at you after you said that and put his hand on your thigh. He knows what you mean. Going to South Korea was your dream but then you started doing everything you do now and you simply stopped dreaming. It made him feel bad, he could see how Namjoon was hurting you by bringing it up. “Well, her Korean is probably better than ours that’s for sure,” Taehyung smiled at you. “Yah, not even,” Jin laughed hitting Taehyung on the back of his neck. “Y/n, you dance?” Hoseok asked you randomly. “I love to.” “Perfect, this song is amazing, let’s dance!” he almost yelled getting up grabbing you. Yoongi gave you an apologetic look but the rest of the guys laughed at your obviously terrified face. Meanwhile Hoseok stood there as happy as can be in his own little world.

“Can you guys be deadly honest with me?” Taehyung said bringing his attention to the boys while you danced with Hoseok and Jimin on the patio. “When am I not,” Yoongi smiled to himself playing with his fingers. “I don’t think I can leave y/n here. She is involved with things that will kill her and I know it sounds stupid but I think we can help her.... I just- I don’t know what to do,” Taehyung couldn’t bring himself to look at the guys, he felt pathetic for feeling this way after knowing you for a couple of days. “Well she said she dreamt of going to South Korea, it might sound crazy but let’s bring her back with us. She seems nice, I don’t mind it,” Jin piped in as everyone else nodded along. It really could work the more Taehyung thought of it. They could bring her back and help her get on her feet and then she can live a better life and he could still see her. “What type of life threatening things are we talking about Tae?” Namjoon didn’t mind that Taehyung had found a pretty girl that seemed to be very nice but he had to logical, that’s his job after all. Taehyung looked up at the guys, trying to bring himself to admit your dirty little secret. “Drugs.” Everyone’s expressions changed, with reason of course. They are famous, if someone were to find out they had a drug addict living with them it would be a terrible scandal and that’s just the harsh truth but Taehyung realized he wasn’t the only one that felt like he needed to help you after Jungkook put in his two cents. “That doesn’t define her though, she could get sober back home, we shouldn’t judge her, not yet.”

After you all ate and had a bunch of crazy funny conversations, no one was ready to go home so you put out the idea to go cruising around. You were sitting in the very back of their van in the middle of Taehyung and Hoseok. They were both raping your ears with how loudly they were singing along with everyone. You would never admit it but you loved the moments where you’re genuinely happy and you get to sit back and take it all in. You liked them. “So y/n, do you see yourself anywhere in 5 years?” Yoongi asked turning down the music from the front seat making Jimin laugh at the randomness. If you were honest you would say dead but you don’t want to sound suicidal or something. “Mm, I don’t know really I like to just live day by day.” “How about South Korea?” Hoseok piped in giving you a big smile. That’d be nice if you lived a life where everything went your way, but it doesn’t. Taehyung gripped your thigh and you looked at him and noticed they were all giving you the same type of look. “Listen, y/n, you said yourself it was your dream to go there so why miss this opportunity? Live day by day and take chances right?” Hoseok said making it seem so so simple. Are they really asking you to go to South Korea? For what? So Taehyung doesn’t get depressed when they go back home? You met this guy a few days ago and they want you to go back with them? You could slap Taehyung for being so naive. “Just think about it baby I think it would be a great opportunity. I just want to see you suceed.” Baby... you felt your eyes starting to swell up. “Where’d the music go, I love this song,” you whined trying to change the focus so they didn’t see the tears come out of your eyes. “Y/n please-“ “No, fuck you for puting me on the spot like that. Do I look like a person that suceeds?” you argily whispered at Taehyung as the music started playing again. Your not mad at him, your mad at yourself for being to afraid to say yes. He sighed before grabbing your hand and speaking again. “Our flight is tomorrow at 5pm, we’ll wait for you but you know I have to go back.”

“Don’t you want to say bye to the guys?” Taehyung spoke softly to you, afraid to say something wrong. You haven’t talked to him since he started packing, you just stayed laying in a fetal position completely disassociated. Everything was hitting you all at once. He’s really leaving, you’re fun is over. He’s going to leave and your going to go back to your pointless life here in L.A. “Are you not even going to say goodbye to me?” “Bye.” Your heart dropped being this way but if he hated you then you won’t lay awake at night thinking about all the things that could of been done differently. Your thoughts came to a complete stop when Taehyung slammed the door making you flinch. He’s gone. God he’s gone and you didn’t even look at his beautiful face one more time. Part of you hoped he would force you to at least hug him goodbye but he just left. You fucked another thing over like you always do. Tears escaped your eyes as you started to think about actually leaving with him. If you really wanted to, you could. Your all about impulsive decisons. Why do you have to keep yourself from happiness? How long will you do this to yourself? You heard him that one night, when he thought you were asleep. He said he might fall in love with you. You of all people, you and your throwing it away. After sitting up and whipping your tears you dialed Julian and prayed he was alive. “Julian, I need you to pack all my shit in the bathroom and enough clothes to fill one bag and meet me at the airport. Now.” You stared at the time. 4:00pm. Your gonna miss it, nothing works right for you. Your gonna show up and he won’t be there, he won’t.

“Hyung, she really isn’t coming?” Jimin pouted at Taehyung in the van. He couldn’t believe you wouldn’t even look at him. He’s hurt, he wants to curl up in a ball and cry but he couldn’t help but hold on to the hope that you might show up. “Don’t lose hope yet, she might show up, you never know,” Jungkook tried to reassure the two boys but it almost sounded like he was trying to convince himself in the process. your not showing up. Taehyung felt so stupid getting involved in something he knew would hurt him. The whole car ride felt like hours with everything running through his brain but they finally got there. The place that will take him away from you forever. He never even got your number. He’ll never see you again. “Do you want to wait out here for a few and see if she comes?” Namjoon asked stopping him at the enterence of the airport. “No, she’s not coming,” Taehyung knew if he looked up he would start crying so he looked down at his shoes and tried to breathe evenly. “You should have more faith in her,” Yoongi laughed shoving Namjoon so he would look ahead and see you. Taehyung looked up and turned around as fast as he could, it almost gave him whiplash. “Taehyung... i’m falling in love with you and i’m so convinced it’s fate,” You yelled at him with the most beautiful smile making him smile so much it hurt. This felt like some cheesy K-Drama. God you were just so perfect to him. So so perfect.

Chapter 4: A little

warnings: cussing, major drug use, overdose mention

I decided to update one day early hehe. thank you for you all the support. enjoy <3

“Alright fuckers, i’m driving.” “For fucks sake,” Rocco sighed getting in the back seat letting Taehyung take shotgun. “Fuck off Rocco.” Your not a bad driver per say, you just like to get to your destination as soon as possible. Nothing wrong with that right? You saw Taehyung smile from the corner of your eye, it relieved you he had an okay understanding of english otherwise he would miss the funny moments between you and Rocco. Your officially taking Taehyung away from his members until they make it to L.A. Jimin and Jungkook parted ways from you guys an hour ago, they were dreadfully hungover it was kind of funny. Maybe you should of warned them everyone would persuade them into drinking more than anyone could handle really. You needed to keep yourself occupied on the way back to L.A because everything that happened last night refuses to escape your mind. It’s taking everything in you to not get shy with Taehyung, you can’t see him as the innocent guy after last night. It’s nothing bad but it made you more interested in him and that has the potential to be bad.

You loved to travel, roadtrips were the highlight of your life. The music, the bonding, and the food weirdly was 10 times better on the road. Having Taehyung’s vainey hands gripping your thigh was an absolute plus. You could of sworn you saw Julian fake gag from the back seat. Asshole. “Let’s say fuck it and go to Jerrry’s? He’s always partying.” “What did you say?” Taehyung spoke quietly. You really need a built in google translate by your side. “Ah, we have a friend in L.A, he always has huge parties at these mansions. Their a lot of fun,” you explained to him occasionally turning to look at him. “Let’s do it.” “Really?” “That’s why i’m following you, for something new.” He’s not wrong and it wasn’t really a bad idea. L.A has a pretty big Korean population, he might be able to meet people he can actually talk to. It kind of started to hit you the wrong way, what he said. Was he really just using you for fun? Nothing new but it stung a little, just a little. “Pretty boy might be doing drugs dor the first time going to Jerry’s,” Rocco laughed only half joking. “Oh shut up.”

“Y/NNNN! Wowww, how long has it been asshole? Avoiding me?” “No Jerry, i’ll die if I see you more than twice a month.” Everyone knows you get fucked up with Jerry. You two are terrible for each other. You both throw out ‘no balls’ all night until your borderline overdosing. Rocco had pulled you away before you got to Jerry’s asking if you really wanted Taehyung around all this. Not only will he be pressured to do drugs, he’ll see you really messed up for the first time. But what can you say? You’re self destructive. He’s too good for you and if he can’t handle the life you live then he can go on back to South Korea. “I just have a couple of people over tonight but don’t worry baby we’re all stocked up for your needs,” Jerry spoke to you making Taehyung glare at him, recognizing the word ‘baby’. “You too dude, whatever you need, it’s on me tonight,” Jerry tapped Taehyung’s shoulder being his usual self. “Ah, he just said welcome.” You know he would never ask for drugs but there’s still a small fear that he might. Your not heartless, it would kill you if you were the reason someone became drug obsessed. “How about a line to start the night off?” Jerry said winking at you. “I’m good for now,” you hated how scared you were to show Taehyung your true self. You felt your anxiety come up making your hands tremble. You want that line so bad, this is who you are, you never want to change yourself for some good dick. “Pussy.” “Oh fuck you, bring it here.” Taehyung held your hand as you guys walked over to the living room. Why do you feel so guilty? Jerry started cutting up the white pura on his phone for you like the gentleman he is. You looked over at Taehyung and noticed him glaring you down. He had no expression on his face but it made you feel like you were in trouble. He sat back on the couch man spreading, making you forget about everything around you that wasn’t him. “Here you go malady,” Jerry said moving his phone toward you. You let go of Taehyung’s hand to roll up a bill and inhale the line through your nose. Have you mentioned yet that nothing can compare to the feeling? You rubbed off the excess and sat back against Taehyung leaning your head back. You’ve done this in front of him before. Why does it bother you so much now? You can’t continue the night with your mind running around all of this. “Where’s the alcohol at?”

It’s always that moment when your in the bathroom, your whole world is spinning, you feel amazing and you can’t help but smile to yourself that makes you love your life just a little. You feel great. Music played loudly even as you sat in the bathroom trying to get your life together. You lost Taehyung a little bit ago, you can’t bring yourself to care your all over the place. The past few hours consisted of many many drinking games and a shit ton of molly and coke and now you really want to fucking dance. You wobbled yourself out of the bathing with a big smile on your face and started dancing around alone in the kitchen. You closed your eyes and pictured yourself in a club or a rave feeling the heat on your body as you let the music take control of your body. A pair of hands wrapped themselves around your waste and you instantly knew it was Taehyung. You leaned against him, that smile still stuck on your face and danced with him. “Are you okay?” He whispered in your ear as you both continued to sensually move. “I’m fantastic,” you said letting out a laugh. You turned around and put your arms around Taehyung’s neck and started kissing him. You could stay like this forever. You pulled away slowly when you heard someone walking toward the kitchen. “Y/n, we pulled out the coke again. You down?” “Absolutely,” you giggled slowly moving away from Taehyung. Your eyes were barely staying opened and you couldn’t walk right for the life of you. “Are you sure your okay?” Taehyung grabbed your hand making you look at him. “I’m not fucking 12, i’m fine,” you said barely making eye contact with him. He had that face again, the one that made you feel like your in trouble. “Do you want to repeat that?” “What?” “You act all hard for someone that submits to me like you were born to do it,” he almost whispered looking down at you like you were some type of prey. Your thoughts left you, you couldn’t even create a word. Taehyung made you feel all types of ways and he knew it. You just stared at him dumbfounded until you heard Jerry yelling for you again.

Ater your last line of the night your eyes started to uncontrollably flutter. You felt like you were out of your body laying on a couch in space, it felt like. The music and the talking started to go mute and you felt almost paralyzed. You were still smiling though, it felt amazing.

“Y/n,” Taehyung said tapping your cheek. “Y/n, wake up. Y/n,” his voice started to raise as fear consumed him. “Rocco, what’s going on? Is she okay?” He tried to speak in english but his voice was shaking, it was almost inaudible. “She really doesn’t know her limits,” Rocco sighed, “she’s fine.” Fine? This looked far from fucking fine. Your eyes were spasming for 5 minutes now, you were smiling but it didn’t seem like you could hear anything happening around you. Taehyung felt his whole body heat up in anger. He was afraid but he was mad. How could they all just say she’s fine? How could they put her in this position? Just thinking about the how fucked this all is made his eyes swell. Without thinking much more, Taehyung picked you up bridal style and rushed to a bathroom, ignoring the weird looks everyone gave him for freaking out. He has no idea what a overdose looks like but he’s not about to risk a single thing. You can’t leave. Not now. He sat you down in front of the toilet and put his fingers down your throat trying to get you to throw up. “Come on y/n. Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you hang out with these people? You deserve so much better,” Tears started to effortlessly leave his eyes but he didn’t even notice. It felt like a lifetime went by before you finally started throwing up and it looked like you were slowly coming back to reality. Your eyes stopped fluttering and you leaned against Taehyung’s chest. Taehyung sat back against the door and sighed, never leaving you from his sight and holding you close. Fuck.

@hidinginmycupboard

chapter 4 one day early ? 👀👀👀

maybeeeeeee

guys i’m excited to post chapter 4 hehe... i’m almost tempted to post before Thursday. thank you all for the support it will never be unnoticed. All the reblogs and likes, bless you all🥺❤️ also, i’m totally opened to tag people when i update, mwahhh!!

Not A Love Story

- Chapter 1

- Chapter 2

- Chapter 3

- Chapter 4

- Chapter 5

- Chapter 6

- Chapter 7

- Chapter 8

- Chapter 9

- Chapter 10 (in the works)

chapter 3: fate

warnings: drugs, drinking, gun mention, smut but not really lol

i’m always open to feedback again, this is my first story. i really wanted to put in smut but i feel like i’m terrible at it and just wasn’t happy with what i wrote so i left it out. i hope you still enjoy <3

“Hotel party tonight?” Julian smirked at you entering the elevator of the nearest hotel. “I thought you were wanting this to be a sober weekend?” “You’ve been teasing me all day, fuck sobriety.” He pretended to be angry by harshly pressing the button for level 5, using you as a excuse but you knew well that it took all his self control to stay sober this long. Your always down for a party but you couldn’t forget about Taehyung right beside you. This could successfully scare him away like you wanted but your starting to enjoy his silent company, just a little. “You should invite your members,” it was almost embarrassing how much you had to break your neck to look at his face. “I don’t think they would want to join but I can see.” You hate how easily you melt under men. Stupid daddy issues. All he did was smile down at you sweetly. You cleared your throat and looked ahead of you, ignoring how he made your heart skip a beat. You definitely need a drink, or two, or ten.

“Taehyung-ah, where did you go? You worried us but Namjoon said he saw you talking to a pretty girl so we’ve just been waiting to hear from you,” Jimin pouted through the phone making Taehyung laugh. “I’m with the pretty girl, she wanted me to invite you guys to this hotel party. I thought you and Jungkook would be the only ones interested.” “Ahh, you thought very correctly hyung, send the address and meet us.” Jimin hung up the call quickly. Jesus, excited much? Taehyung didn’t really want to invite them, he knows he’ll get yelled at by the end of the night. There’s bound to be a lot of illegal things going on but he liked the idea of them meeting you. He couldn’t deny all the feelings you made him feel touching him or even just looking up at him. “Are they coming?” You spoke quietly coming out of the room into the hallway. “Just two of them, their our youngest members, they should be here soon.” “Ok, come in and help us set everything up.” Just looking at you, no one would ever assume you did the things that you do. Maybe that’s why he’s crazy enough to look past it. Everything about you was pure and innocent looking. Any man would be stupid to not want to give you the world. This isn’t going to end well for him, not with these thoughts. But god, he couldn’t care less.

“Just a fair warning, there’s going to be people with drugs and probably guns. Just stick around me or Julian and you’ll be fine, no one is trying to hurt you. Actually, take a drink,” You tried to prepare Taehyung the best you could. It would be impossible for him to not make him stick out but maybe some alcohol will help. “You almost seem more nervous than me,” he chuckled taking the beer you offered, slightly touching your hand. “Yeah, I need drugs, let’s go get your friends first,” you continued to ignore Taehyung’s gaze, you couldn’t handle how he stared at you. “No drugs around the members, please,” he grabbed your wrist once again, stopping you from walking ahead of him. You don’t do favors but you know his group is far from the type to be okay with this situation. One favor wouldn’t hurt you. You nodded, accidentally getting lost in his eyes before he suddenly put his arm around you and started walking. “Jimin and Jungkook are major flirts, let them see us like this, it will save you a night of cringe pick up lines.” God, he could probably feel your racing heart from your shoulders. You’ve lacked this type of skin touch for so long. You prayed he wouldn’t look down and see your beat red cheeks the whole way down to the main lobby.

You didn’t understand how a group of men could be so attractive. Jimin had pink hair and the most beautiful plump lips. He was pretty short though, you can’t complain being as short as you are but you prefer taller men, like Taehyung. Jungkook looked like the definition of a tease. He had a dark-ish style that you could get on your knees for but no matter how attractive they were, they couldn’t top how Taehyung made you feel with his arm around you. “It’s really nice to meet you two, i’m sorry for stealing Taehyung from you. We’re on level 5 and we also have a lot of drinks by the pool.” “Wahh, your korean is very good! Where did you find her hyung?” You couldn’t take a compliment for the life of you. You could feel yourself curling up against Taehyung, it made him smile as he gave you a quick glance. “It might be fate, I haven’t decided yet.”

The more your with Taehyung and the more you drink, the more you just want to get alone with him. You haven’t even thought about running off to go do drugs with the dealers you know are here. That hasn’t happened in a long time, it’s dangerous. This isn’t going to end well for either of you but the alcohol in your system makes not give a damn in the slightest. “So, are you having fun?” You can’t deny you get very talkative when you drink, it makes you self conscious when your around people you give a fuck about but the heat in between your legs was enough to hide your concern of over talking. “I am actually,” Taehyung said with a smile, looking down at you, grabbing your hand. “Thank you for bringing me along,” you couldn’t help but let out a nervous laugh, “Are you drunk?” “Just a little,” His words slurred a little and your now noticing his pink tinted cheeks and permanent smile. He’s holding your hand, it’s such a innocent gesture that has your knees weak. “Should we get our own room?” You our on your innocent smile that is known to make everyone do what you want. You know you give off that innocent vibe and you use it to your advantage a lot. “Are you seducing me right now?” “I’d actually prefer it if you seduced me,” you both help eye contact with each other as Taehyung let go of your hand to put his arms around your waist, pulling you to his chest. “Oh really? Let me get us a room then. Maybe I can finally show you i’m not as innocent as you picture me.” Taehyung whispered in your ear, that smile still stuck on his face.

You wobbled yourself inside the room, almost regretting taking those extra shots while Taehyung was in the main lobby. “Y/n,” Taehyung spoke calmly as he placed his hand around your waist turning you to him. “You’re pretty drunk, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” you almost forgot he was a good guy. Your face almost dropped tears hearing him show some self control. Although, Taehyung is perfect in every way... that’s not your type. You lean towards guys that use you for drugs, sex, whatever it is but not Taehyung. “No, fuck me, please,” he let out a laugh after you desperately placed your hands on his cheeks. Taehyung suddenly grabbed your thighs and picked you up almost effortlessly, allowing you to wrap your legs around his waist before he layed you on the bed. He stared into your eyes for a moment before gently placing his lips on yours. Time became non-existent as you focused on his lips. Everything was happening slowly and calm, nothing you wouldn’t expect from the literal angel from heaven. You don’t prefer the vanilla scene but you already mentioned the daddy issues right? Taehyung makes you forget all about it though, with those lips that create the cutest smile. Your sweet thoughts came to an immediate stop when Taehyung harshly slapped his hand on your ass, lightly gripping it. “Don’t start thinking i’m soft in bed, your thoughts are predictable but I don’t play that way,” he smirked at you gripping your ass again, leaving you in complete shock. “This is gonna be a long night,” you whispered with a smile. You smiled. Not one you faked to make everyone comfortable, it was genuine. “Good thinking,” Taehyung smiled back before burrying his face in your neck.

You haven’t looked yet but you know you have hickeys everywhere with a mix of some hand marks and just the thought puts a permanent smile on your face. “I didn’t realize how much I needed that,” Taehyung whispered wrapping his arm around your waist making you the little spoon. “Me neither,” you laughed. His body fit perfectly against yours. He might of been right when he said meeting you might be fate. Fate. You believe everything happens for a reason, it helped you decide you were destined to just fail. If this is fate your either going to ruin Taehyung or he will ruin you. Happy ending don’t happen for you, cliche but deadly true. Even though your very aware of this, you want to just live in the moment. Enjoy having him wrapped around you even though the bed will be empty eventually. The only sound in the room was both of yours breathing, calmly until a phone started ringing. Taehyung sat up and looked at his phone to see Jimin’s name on his screen. “Ah, I should go make sure their alright,” he looked at you, obviously guilty for leaving you already. “I’ll be back,” he whispered while gently caressing your thigh. “Okay.”

Taehyung now officially regrets bringing Jimin and Jungkook. They were insanely drunk, they didn’t even realize the type of people they were hanging around with. That’s good for him because he won’t get yelled at but it doesn’t change the fact that he had to practically drag two grown men up to a room right across from yours. “Hyungggg, y/n is so pretty. She looks a little familiar though.. have we seen her before?” “No kookie, just go to sleep, don’t get up until your sober, i’ll be in the room across from you. There’s water on the counter and some medicine-“ He stopped talking when he heard their heavy breathing. Their asleep. Taehyung sighed rubbing his forehead before quietly sneaking back into your room. You’re asleep too. He sighed again before carefully going back into the spot he was happily in before. “I think i’m going to fall in love with you but if it’s fate that’s okay right? I hope so.”

Chapter 2: Backseat

Warnings: cussing, drug use, mental illness (future fluff, smut, angst, etc.)

I’m so sorry for not updating, a lot has been going on but be ready for a double update! :)

Taehyung is the type of person that is never fake. He can read people like an open book and when he sees that their intentions are fake, he doesn’t hide his annoyance or frustration. He has been in many of these situations with celebrities while in America. There’s a reason people say to never meet your idols. Chances are, their assholes. It’s unfortunately rare to come across a genuine person in the industry. Taehyung just doesn’t have the energy to be someone he is not, he’s been having this feeling of loneliness a lot more everyday. Not really loneliness but just this incompleteness. He can’t say anything though because that would make him greedy in other people’s eyes. What does he not have, right? He’s in the biggest group in the world, he can get anything he wanted. He’s never understood the whole ‘money can’t buy happiness’ phrase as much as he does now. “Yah, we’re getting your favorite coffee why do you look like someone just stole your favorite toy,” Yoongi chuckled hanging his arm around Taehyung’s shoulder. “Just tired, it’s hot out today,” “Mhm, good ole California,” Hoseok piped in with his iconic smile. The heat consumed Taehyung’s mind until he saw someone sitting in front of his favorite cafe. Not just some homeless person but weirdly the prettiest one he has ever seen. The urge to help her was obviously because she was pretty because they have passed many homeless people here and never gave a second look. He really shouldn’t help her, right? Homeless people are there for a reason, she may use his could of been good spent money on drugs. Little did he know you mentally hit yourself for not taking his money for an extra Xanax. Fuck it.

“Where did Tae go, he needs to order?” Namjoon frantically looked around the shop as if he was looking for his lost child. On que, Taehyung walked in with even more of a depressed look. “Was I the only one that saw him get rejected by the homeless??” Jungkook held onto his stomach from laughter and soon pain from Taehyung’s fist. “What is up with you today? You’re never like this,” Jin spoke for the whole group. Taehyung really is never like this. Everyone knows how insanely honest he is, he wouldn’t just give some crackhead money. No, he would give it to someone that deserved it. Something told him she didn’t deserve the money but she deserved something... he wish he would be able to find out what it was.

“Yahh, i’m much taller than you, i’ll catch up eventually so you might as well stop,” Taehyung had a smile stuck on his face as he sped walked behind you. He expected this to happen, it wasn’t really planned to have you find out that you were talking to someone famous all along by seeing him perform but it was just too good of an opportunity. He didn’t see you in the crowd but he saw you walking away with your head down. He would of never assumed it would be that easy to embarrass you. “What? I thought you wanted to meet celebrities here?” he spoke almost cocky after grabbing your small wrist making you turn to him abruptly. “Is this a joke? What do you want from me? I don’t want to be your charity case if that’s what this all is.” Ouch. Was he that bad at flirting or do you have a million walls holding you back? “I’ve been feeling empty recently. You know, like I have everything but it’s not really what I want. I’m interested in you, this isn’t a common thing for me when i’m in a foreign country. Your not a charity case but...,” Taehyung’s cheeks turned red at his sudden confessions. You kept eye contact with him as he rambled though, it almost felt like you found relief in what he was saying. “I’ll be your charity case if you really are as interesting as i’m assuming.”

Is he asking you for drugs? No... it can’t be that. He doesn’t know you, how does he have such a big assumption of you out of one conversation. You probably can’t run now, he really is much taller than you. What is holding you back? Some ridiculously attractive artist is asking you of all people to show him a life he has been missing. Oh you can do that. It’s practically your second job. “Fuck it, let’s go.” You turned back around and started walking slower to the exit, assuming Taehyung was following. You might be able to scare him out of this before you even get on the road back to L.A. People always swear they want to live this carefree life but that is just what it looks like on the outside. It’s a scam. Give you a good time at first and by the end of it your just a sleep deprived drug addict. That could never be Taehyung. If he can make assumptions about you, you could do the same. He’s a good guy, the type to try and change you into a better person. He’ll stick out like a bug with you. So out of place but so desperate to find whatever is missing in his life.

“So, BTS huh? How’s that?” you and Taehyung sat in the back of Julian’s car waiting for him to find his way back so you can get some sleep at a hotel. “Exhausting, honestly but my members are amazing and so are our fans so that keeps me going,” he played with his fingers, smiling as he thought about the guys and army. He feels terrible for feeling lost when he has such amazing people around him. “Interesting,” you responded back uninterested. Not on purpose, you were just trying to cut up some cocaine on your phone. Taehyung noticed how you spoke and looked at you. “What’s that?” “Do you really wanna know?” You laughed at his innocent expression. “I don’t know why I asked, I know what it is,” why does it feel like your getting judged by your father? He sounded so disappointed, you almost felt guilty. Almost. “Sure you do,” you laughed before snorting your perfectly made line you might say. You released a long sigh as you entered your own world made by your dearest cocaine. Not a single thing in this world could replace the feeling. Taehyung sat almost uncomfortably looking out the window, pretending you weren’t literally abusing drugs right beside him. He’s stubborn, he hasn’t left yet even though you can tell he is reconsidering his decision to come with you. It reminds you of yourself, stubborn as fuck and so desperate to find a new meaning in life.

“Jesus christ y/n, when I said people would kill to meet celebrities here I didn’t mean go off and kidnap one,” Julian loudly made himself noticed in the drivers seat, noticing the perfectly built man before he even opened the door. “Oh fuck off, he asked to come,” Fuck, now you have to playing fucking translator. “Taehyung, this is Julian,” you tapped on him pointing to Julian. “Yeah, right .. what’s up man,” Julian greeted Taehyung like he did everyone else. It isn’t rare for the both of you to bring around random people, it’s apart of the life you live, vibing with complete strangers and quite literally trusting them with your life sometimes. Taehyung greeted him the best he could in his own awkward way. “He doesn’t speak english so just use hand gestures like a dumb ass, I don’t feel like translating right now.” You spoke laying your head back on the headrest. As Julian begin to drive you could feel Taehyung shaking his foot anxiously. You do that all the time but you never really took him for someone with anxiety. You probably give him anxiety. You probably scare him. You know better than anyone that comfort is what you needed when you were that innocent girl getting involved in the dangerous life so you instinctively placed wrapped your small hand ontop of his that layed on the middle seat. You felt him look at you. His leg stopped shaking.

Chapter 1: Destiny

warnings: cussing, drug use, mental illness (future fluff, smut, angst, etc.)

this is my first story i’m writing on tumblr, I hope y’all like it. I’ll probably update once or twice a week. I plan on this not so lovely love story to be pretty long.. and angsty. Enjoy :)

Dreams are one of the most unknown things we experience, yet no one questions our lack of knowledge about them when we lay in bed at night. Not everybody dreams. Some people only dream when their happy... or sad... or scared... or it just happens every blue moon for no reason at all. You dream every day, to the point where you feel a little depressed if you don’t have one. They never take you to wonderland, their never right, something is always off but you liked them anyways. They gave you an escape from reality, until reality started showing up in your dreams. The reality that you’re slowly killing yourself when really this was supposed to be the peak of your existence. The reality that you literally gave the most handsome man you’ve ever seen, the ugliest look in downtown Hollywood and the reality that you know you will ruin his life or get close to it.

‘That stupid fucking asshole, I can’t believe that no good piece of shit left me to fend for myself. It’s so fucking hot. Fuck off Karen, my face is easier to look at than that awful sweater. Fuck. I need to sit down.’ You stopped walking and you look at yourself through the reflection of some enterance to a cafe, it smells like. Jesus christ, those eye bags look like black eyes. You went to your closest friends party the other night, you didn’t want to go so that explains the oversized grey hoodie and grey sweats that... have dirt on them? How the fuck- you know what, you’ve seen worse. You can’t go inside the cafe looking like this though. The shady floor will do for now. Everyone is wearing work clothes so you must of slept through all of Sunday. Alone. Because your dick head of a friend abandoned you, god knows when but for someone that slept through an entire day, you’re tired. Maybe it’s just the mental exhaustion you live with but god you could use a nap. “E-eguse me ehm here you go,” you look up and see the most perfectly built man you have ever seen, holding a.. $10 bill? You unknowingly glare at him after noticing his arm holding out the money to you. He looked nervous, and foreign as fuck what accent is that? “I’m not homeless, fuck off.” Who the fuck is he to assume your homeless? Cant someone sit in piece for a little? Prick. You stood up, hitting his shoulder as you walked away, not ever looking back at his beautiful face.

Wake up, go to the beach, take a xans, go to work, go home, sleep, wake up, eat, sleep, and wake up to repeat the process. You always hated living by a constant schedule, but at this point you do anything you can to hurt yourself. The weekends are different though, its always spontaneous. Will you snort a line with the crackheads down the street or will you go to a party because you know the college kids adore their new interest in drugs? You really don’t need drugs. You’re fine. Depression put you in this place and god you feel like a coward. People go through so much more and stay away from drugs. Coward. Your thoughts consist of things like this often, even when your supposed to be hearing your idiot friends excuse for abandoning you last week. “Y/n, seriously, I could of sworn you were dead.” “Wow, thanks Julian, i’ll make sure to leave your lifeless body instead of calling 911 like a sane person when I get the chance.” You both rolled your eyes in sync. You loved Julian, he’s such a dumbass but despite saying he’s your closest friend, your hardly friends. You met before you dropped out of college, he was your dealer, one of the nicest ones you’ve met. You ran into him often and bought from him often as well so you would talk but the reality is he only stays because you’re his best costumer and you frankly don’t care because you are too lost to even care about someone else.

“Y/n, I think you should lay back on your habits a little bit,” Julian broke the silence you both had on the pier. You both liked to meet up at the pier and smoke a little. “Oh please, don’t act like you care. Drop the act and be a fake friend to me, please,” you spoke unemotionally, making eye contact with him. “I’ve never met someone asking for a fake friend.” “Real ones require you to love and deal with them. I can’t do that for you Julian but I know that’s not what you wanted anyways. I practically pay your rent, just thank me and change the topic.” He sighed. Not a disappointed one, a relived one. Julian has been a dealer for a very long time, he stopped caring about his costumers decisions. He didn’t truly care for your health, it was the sad truth. He did get worried that night at his party but only because he isn’t heartless. You knew that though, you seemed so lifeless and incapable of feeling anything to him. He wondered about your story at times but he knew somehow he would never get it. You’re easy to talk to though, it’s nice. “Thank you.”

Ever since you were little you wanted to live in a big city like L.A. Although, you imagined you would be going to UCLA and going to study on a beach just because you could. Standing next to Julian in line at Coachella, you just now take in how completely different your life turned out but at least you did end up here. Julian gets into Coachella for free every single year so your always his +1. You love gatherings like this but this one is just a little too Pg for you. You always end up spending most of your time at the food trucks. But according to Julian, ‘so many people would kill to be around this many celebrities’ so maybe you could get a drink or two in and mingle or whatever. It won’t kill you. So here you are, waiting to get a margarita because god knows you can’t be any type of social while sober. “I guess you weren’t homeless after all, my apologies,” you turn around and see the beautifully built man leaning down towards you. You could run. You’re not to far from the exit and it would be impossible to run into this guy for a third time... right? “Are you following me?” That was supposed to stay in your thoughts.. Is he though? How the hell do you see each other in two different cities? Sure, everyone knows about Coachella but how does he recognize you, you look good today, not homeless or drugged up, whichever works. “Ah, sorry, my english bad,” He stood up straight rubbing his hand on the back of his neck nervously. Right. Foreigner with a unknown accent. “What language do you speak?” It’s not like you’re going to understand his language but your curiosity is getting the best- “Korean.” You know it really isn’t too late to run. This man could be lying, trying to kidnap you and sex traffic you. What are the chances he just happens to speak the one other language you do as well. He could be faking this for all you know. “Hello,” You haven’t spoken in Korean since high school. You dont know why you even let that out. “You speak Korean? Wow, hello!” He bowed to you slightly with a box like smile on his face. That’s cute. It’s different. “I really am sorry for mistaking you the other day, do you mind me asking what happened?” “I was on a lot of drugs at a party and my friend abandoned me because he thought I overdosed.” You learned a long time ago to leave your addiction to yourself. People look at you differently when you do drugs, even your closest friends. That’s one of the first lessons you learn as a drug addict, keep it to yourself. The only people that know you do drugs are the ones that do them too. You could of lied to him, but the self destructive part of you couldn’t help but push this stranger away. You turned around to look at him after it got awkwardly silent. “What? You surprised? Scared? No harsh feelings, I don’t even know you.” You held in a laugh from his shocked and awkward expression. “Your right, we don’t know each other, I’m Taehyung,” He held out his hand replacing his taken aback expression back to his box-y smile, pretending what you said just never happened. ”Y/n,” You sighed. He won’t give up whatever this is. Fantastic. “Well actually, i’m supposed to be talking with famous people or something like that so I should get going,” You didn’t know how to get out of this situation. You felt like you couldn’t breathe with him standing so close to you. This conversation gets more and more awkward everytime you speak. “Then why are you leaving?” You both stared at each other, surprisingly not awkwardly. It was comforting looking into his eyes. “What? “You know what, I actually should go before i’m late, i’ll see you later,” he gave you one last smile and patted your shoulder before leaving you. “But- Why? What?”

“I just had the most uncomfortable conversation of my life with this insanely perfect looking man,” you spoke almost out of breath, finally finding Julian in the crowd. “Yeah, i’m pretty sure I saw who you’re talking about when I left you,” Julian is such an old soul. He responded while looking ahead at the stage, almonds in one hand like a football dad. “Who’s performing next” “Uh, BTS.” You hardly listen to music these days. Music that doesn’t fit your ‘fuck life, love drugs’ aesthetic. BTS doesn’t ring a bell so you probably won’t like it but it’s not like you have anything else to do, you’ve had enough with weird interactions. “Remind me why we’re sober,” you sighed, starting to feel the pain from standing for so long. “I’m sober, you’re drunk.” Julian glanced at the margarita in your hand. Right, you almost forgot. “Oh, don’t judge-“ “Sh sh sh their coming.” He hit your shoulder a couple of time looking at the stage like a child. You hate when people tap on you it’s so annoying. You sighed for the one thousandth time and focused on the group of people coming to the stage. Asians, how convenient. You know if life really hated you they would be Korean just like- “Ey, isn’t that the ‘insanely perfect looking man’ you were talking about? I can’t tell.” You have got to be kidding. That’s why he asked why you were leaving. He’s fucking famous. “I need another drink,” You sighed.

Can you please reblog if your blog is a safe place for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, asexual, aromantic, pansexual, non binary, demisexual or any other kind of queer or questioning people? Because mine is.

IF WALLS COULD TALK

1: 37 am

rated; TV-MA

warnings; sexual content, explicit language

park seonghwa x female reader!

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𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 

pairing: hongjoong x fem!reader tags: spanking, fingering, exhibitionism, humiliation

“care to explain what you’re doing?”

hongjoong has witnessed many questionable first sights once he gets back to the dorms from the studio — too many to count, to be completely honest — but this is a first. this being you sitting on the couch with both legs thrown over yunho’s lap who isn’t keeping his hands to himself. it doesn’t help that you’re wearing that ridiculously short skirt that doesn’t even cover a quarter of your thighs, and it certainly doesn’t help that you’re blatantly encouraging him to feel up your legs as if there was nothing wrong with it.

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[1:56 am] The illicit activities you and Doyoung were participating in during your dream make your body burn. There’s no moaning, no messy kissing and rough hands. The room is silent save for Doyoung’s steady breathing, his face smashed into a pillow. The sheets are all messed up, half piled on Doyoung and half piled on the floor. Your reach up to flip your pillow, sighing as your cheek hits the cool side of it.

Doyoung’s still fully asleep, lips parted slightly, expression soft and serene. He looks too peaceful to wake, and yet you’re too horny to fall asleep. Maybe you should be considerate and go to the bathroom or couch or something, but the mattress is comfortable and the floor is cold.

You throw one more glance at him before biting your lip, resettling yourself on the bed. This time you’re on your back, legs spread apart so that you can reach down and toy with yourself. The sleep shorts you always wear are thrown off to the side, your panties following suit. Doyoung has never been disappointed when he wakes up to the sight of your bare skin, and he’s never refused breakfast in the form of burying his head between your thighs. He’s woken you up like that countless times, and electricity jolts through your gut at the memories.

The fabric of your shirt- really Doyoung’s giant company shirt- brushes against your nipples and you whine, a sharp noise that’s much too loud for your liking. You freeze but Doyoung doesn’t stir.

Satisfied that he’s sound asleep, you circle your entrance, playing with the wetness there. You’re tired and horny so it’s not long until you’ve got two fingers in you, rubbing at your clit with your palm. It’s a fast pace from the beginning, and already you can feel pressure building in your gut. Lightning shoots through your core and you hiss, hips bucking off the bed.

“Baby? Are you having a nightmare?” Doyoung’s voice is raspy from disuse, half muffled into his pillow. You squeak in surprise, not expecting him to be awake.

“No, I’m okay. Go back to sleep.”

“But you’re panting- oh, I see.” Doyoung lifts his head and groans- you don’t know if it’s because of the sight you make or because he’s upset that you woke him up- before falling back into his pillow. “This is why I wanted to have sex before we went to bed.”

Doyoung reaches out to pull you flush against his body, his chest to your back. He tucks his face into the crook of your neck, letting his hand find its way between your legs. His long fingers enter you easily and you let out a long whine. “I wanted to, but you looked exhausted.”

“Ah yes, this is so much better. I just love when you wake me up in the middle of the night.” Doyoung drawls, laughing when you smack him.

Doyoung presses sloppy kisses to your neck, sighing when you grind your ass against him. His cock twitches and you can feel that he’s half hard. A loud moan leaves him when you wrap your hand around his cock, giving him a nice squeeze before leading him to your entrance.

“Fuckkk,” Doyoung hisses, hips grinding forward instinctively. “Oh God. Feel so good.”

“Yeah?” You press, grinding backwards. Instead of the moan you expect as a response, you get a yawn. “Oh wow, you must really be enjoying this.”

Soft lips are pressed to your neck, the wetness of his tongue dragging against the skin. “I am!” He protests. “It’s just that it’s 3:27 AM and I just woke up.”

“Mhmm, sure.” You turn your head for a kiss, and the whole situation feels so nice that you almost don’t mind his morning breath. You’re sure yours is just as bad, anyways. He fills you up so well, stretches you out in the best ways possible. The gentle roll of his hips against yours won’t get you off anytime soon, but it feels so nice that you don’t even mind.

Doyoung seems to mind though. He gets impatient quickly, gripping at your top leg with one hand and dragging it away. “Stop pressing your thighs together so much. Gotta give me some room if you want me to fuck you.”

“Let’s change positions, then. It’ll make it easier.” Not that you mind this position- the sleepy intimacy of it is incredible.

“No.” Doyoung growls. “You want to get fucked, you’re getting fucked like this.”

A loud cry leaves you and you rut back against his cock as one of his fingers finds your clit. Your mind spins with the difference between the quick, rough circles he rubs into the nub and the almost lazy pace that he fucks you with. It’s too early to process anything, too out of it to really do anything besides moan wantonly and fuck yourself back on his cock.

Tremors shoot through your body as you shake apart in Doyoung’s arms. Cotton fills your mouth when you turn your head and bite into your pillow to muffle your sounds, not wanting to get any more complaints from the neighbors. And Doyoung treats you so well, knows exactly what to whisper in your ear when you’re coming, knows exactly what will make you shiver and melt. His fingers slow as he eases you back down from your orgasm, kiss your neck softly.

Doyoung comes inside of you with a sigh, a muffled whine of your name. His cock twitches inside of you and you’re filled with heat, unable to stop squirming at the sensation.

You brace yourself for emptiness but it never comes. Doyoung’s cock is still buried in your pussy, and all you feel is heat when he pulls the covers over both of you.

“Wanna stay like this.” He mumbles, pressing a kiss to your ear. You hum in response.

The softness of the pillows, the heat of your boyfriend, the comfort of being held. It has you feeling more than content. That coupled with the late hour has you falling asleep in no time, all but melting in his embrace.