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rafeandonlyrafe · 6 months

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camboy

words: 3.9k

warnings: 18+ only!, smut, camming (from rafe and reader), exhibitionism, male and female masturbation, female receiving oral, male receiving handjob, p in v sex, unprotected sex

taglist: @drewstarkeysbae @thelomlisrafecameron @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @slut4drudy @drewsbabygirll @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @jjmaybankisbae @seeingstarks

you rush up the stairs to your apartment, unlocking the door and closing it behind you as quickly as you can move. you discard your work bag next to your front door, not even taking the time to hang it on the hook as you rush to your desk.

"come on…" you groan, waiting for your laptop to start up. you enter your passcode and navigate to your most visited website, just in time for the livestream to start.

you sit back in your chair as the familiar site comes into view. it’s his top half, shirtless of course, the camera cutting him off just under the chin, his abs on display as well. you bite your lip as he waits for the viewers to pour in now that he’s live.

you were masturbating half-heartedly one day, scrolling through some random porn site when you saw a livestreamer, and something about him instantly turned you on. you clicked on when he was almost finished, stroking himself to completion as he came all over his stomach. you finished the same time he did, and ever since have tuned in for his semiweekly livestreams.

the porn site has a simple way for the livestreamers to post messages, for advertising their upcoming streams or updating viewers. your favorite streamer posted after the last livestream that he was finally going to be granting viewers wishes, and is doing a voice reveal tonight.

he would moan lowly in previous streams, but never spoke any words. you watch as he lowers the camera, so his spread legs come into view, his erection already straining through the underwear he has on, tight to his muscular thighs.

“hello kittens.” he purs out, using the name he affectionately calls his fans. the back of your brain tickles, trying to place why the voice sounds so familiar as he continues to speak about doing a voice reveal, and how he’s excited for the upcoming stream, proven by his hand starting to stroke over his cock.

you watch with anticipation as he lifts his thighs to tug his underwear down, his hard cock springing free. you spread your legs in your desk chair and move your fingers to your pussy, slipping your hand underneath your pants to rub yourself.

you close your eyes and listen to his voice, trying to see if you really do know who it is, or if its just close to a voice you’ve heard before.

you eventually get too distracted to continue filing through your brain, especially as he starts to stroke himself, moaning to the audience as he does.

“good little kitten. so dirty, touching yourself while watching me touch myself. wish you were here, i’d have you bouncing on my cock.” your cunt clenches at the thought, wishing that you could see the mans face as he moans.

you know he isn’t talking to you directly, but it feels so personal, like you’re the only one watching, and when he cums all over himself, you reach your climax as well, slumping back in your chair as your eyes stay on the screen, watching the way his chest rises and falls.

you try to place his voice again when he signs off, but the livestream ends before you can fully connect your thoughts.

you hum set your laptop up on your bed, grabbing your vibrator and covering yourself with your blanket, settling down for another livestream. you’ve been thinking about that voice every day, and listening extra close to everyone that you knew. you think that you’re being a little crazy, that there’s no way your favorite livestreamer just happens to be someone you know, but you can’t get rid of that familiar feeling.

you watch with anticipation as the livestream begins, this time the man holds up his hands, showing off the rings that stack his fingers. he always does more than just a simple livestream, adding some new element every time.

you admire his long slender fingers and think about them being inside of you as you begin to touch yourself, when one ring in particular catches your eye. you pull your laptop closer, eyes widening when you finally make the connection.

your favorite streamer is none other than rafe cameron.

“you never come out to parties, what is going on with you?” your friend sarah asks, linking your elbows together as you walk into the backyard of the house, following the pumping music. you understand her confusion, and were about to turn down her invitation, when she said that the party was at tanneyhill.

“it’s been too long.” you simply say, leaving out the fact that it’s been too long since you’ve seen rafe. not since you graduated high school, considering you don’t really run in the same circles.

“so true. i can’t wait to get drunk with you.” sarah squeals, pulling you over to the bar you know rafe must have supplied, grabbing drinks for the both of you.

you find a corner to sit and drink in, both deciding you can’t start dancing until you have a bit more alcohol in your blood. the whole time, you are looking for rafe, waiting to get your first glimpse of him in person since figuring out that you’ve been watching him jack off twice a week on stream for the past couple months.

“i’m ready to dance, what about you?” sarah asks, setting her finished cup down on the table.

“yeah, i’ll be there in a second.” you crane your neck, trying to find where rafe could be hiding. you see a couple of people heading through open doors and you decide to see if hes in there. you really just want to see him in person again, to quell that feeling inside of yourself. you remember thinking he was cute in high school, but it’s so different now that you’re both grown.

you head through the doors, keeping your walk casual. no one really gives you a second glance as you head deeper into the space, still not seeing or hearing rafe.

you head up the stairs, hearing a bit of commotion. you follow the catwalk to a half open door, pushing it wider slightly when you’re greeted by a familiar sight. a ring light with a camera inside of it, pointed right at the chair you know so well.

“what are you doing?”

you gasp, turning towards the voice and taking an instinctive step backwards, further into the room.

you come face to face with the man you’ve been looking for. rafe looks down at you, not looking upset, more confused than anything else.

“i’m sorry, i-i-” you stumble over your words as he looks you up and down, assessing you and your little black dress sarah convinced you to wear “i was just looking for someone.”

“mmm.” rafe nods, taking a step closer to you. you resist the urge to back up, keeping your heels firmly in place. “did you find them?” “y-yes.” you say without thinking, your traitorous eyes glancing down, down to his crotch. you hate that you know exactly what every ridge of his cock looks like without ever actually being able to see it. your eyes snap back up once you realize where you’re staring, taking in the look on rafes face.

“do you…” rafe trails off, taking another step towards you and this time forcing you into the room. you watch as rafe swings the door shut behind him. you glance again at the camera set up as he stands there in silence.

“y/n, right?” he questions.

“yeah.” you nod. “i… are you a gamer?” you wave your hand to the set up, hoping to play off your interest in it.

“no.” rafe simply says, crossing his arms, allowing his muscles to bulge. “i think you know exactly why i have that camera.” “am i that obvious?” you stare at your feet, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“your blush gave you away.” rafe says, and you feel your cheeks heat even more. rafe takes a cautious step forward, placing his finger under your chin and tilting your head up to look him in the eye. “you know, i had the biggest crush on you in high school.” “really?” you question, not able to hold back your smile.

“mhm. i would be embarrassed to tell you if you didn’t watch me jerk off on livestream.” rafe says, and you can’t help the laugh that bursts out of you.

“can i kiss you?” rafe asks, making you cut off your laughter as you quickly nod. rafe connects your lips, gentle at first until you start to respond. the second you kiss back, rafe attacks your mouth with his own, showing his desperation as his hands pull you against his body.

“rafe.” you moan, tossing your head back as he ghosts his lips against your jaw before sliding down your neck, sticking his tongue out to taste your skin.

“i want you.” rafe says, pushing his hips against you to show how serious he is. you moan at his impressive length pressing against you as his teeth nip at your sensitive skin.

“you can have me.” you whisper, tugging on his hair to bring his mouth back against yours. you let rafe move your body towards his bed, not disconnecting from the kiss as you both lay down, rafe hovering on top of you as you begin to unbutton his shirt, sliding it off his shoulders so you can touch the chest and abs you’ve spent so long lusting over.

rafe turns to the side so he’s also laying down, using both his hands to grab your chest, massaging your tits as you moan into his mouth, hooking one leg over his hips and pulling yourself into him, grinding your core directly against his swelling length.

rafe rips the front of your dress down, letting your bare tits spill free. rafe pulls away from the kiss to glance down, a cocky smirk coming to his face when he realizes you went braless.

“gotta get my mouth on these.” rafe mumbles, sliding down the bed as he grabs your boob, wrapping his lips around your nipple and giving it a harsh suck. you moan and feel another rush of wetness coming, and you know your panties are shamefully wet.

“rafe, oh my god, that’s so good.” you praise him, completely forgetting about sarah and the party going on outside of the bedroom.

rafe flicks his tongue over your now completely hardened nipple before moving to the other side of your chest, giving that nipple just as much attention.

“god, take this dress off baby.” rafe rips himself away from your skin like it pains him to do so, sliding off the bed. you watch while taking off your dress as he unbuttons and slides his pants off, leaving his underwear on.

you toss your dress to the floor, leaving you only in a tiny pair of panties. you didn’t think anything would happen tonight, but you were completely prepared anyways, every inch of your body shaved as well as lathered in your best smelling lotion.

“wanna fuck you so bad.” rafe groans, watching as you smile and spread your legs, bearing your core to him. he grabs his cock through his underwear, giving it as a squeeze to calm himself as he climbs onto the bed.

you expect him to kiss you, but he stops between your legs and drops to his stomach.

you moan before he even touches your skin, just the thought of his mouth on your pussy. his finger trails over your thigh, tracing nonsensical patterns until he reaches your underwear.

“so wet.” he purrs, pressing down over your entrance, feeling the slick underwear squelch under the pressure.

“fuck, please.” you whine, undulating your hips to give yourself some relief.

“gotta get these off.” rafe tugs at your panties, and you hold your legs up and together for him to take them off and toss them across the room before spreading them wide again.

“god, fucking gorgeous.” rafe moans, not giving you any time to think before burying his head in between your thighs, letting his tongue run over every inch of your pussy except for your clit, always keeping some distance to tease you.

you throw your head back in pleasure when his tongue presses against your hole, easily being granted entrance from how turned on you are. rafe fucks his tongue into you repeatedly, flicking it inside of you to feel as much of your walls as he can.

“you’re delicious.” rafe says, the vibrations of his words being felt against your skin.

“more.” you beg, hoping rafe will understand what you need, but the devious look in his eyes tells you that you’re not going to get what you want that easily.

he lets his wide tongue out of his mouth, licking large stripes through your folds, stopping just short of your clit every time. he continues as you squirm underneath him, feeling your clit pulse with need.

“she’s so puffy.” rafe laughs, teasing you as he leans forward and presses a quick kiss to your clit before continuing his licking motions.

“fuck, i need it, come on.” you beg, reaching your hand down to grip onto rafes hair, fisting it in your hands but making sure not to pull.

“mmm, what do you do when you watch my streams? how do you touch yourself? show me.” rafe commands. you let go of his hair and move your fingers to your pussy, wetting your fingers in your slick before you shove two of them at the same time into your hole.

“i always pictured it was your fingers.” you admit, moving faster.

“did you always know it was me?” rafe asks, watching your movements in fascination, but he stops you when you reach for your clit.

“no.” you shake your head. “only after the voice reveal.”

“ahh.” rafe nods. “i would have done it way sooner if i knew it would lead to finally getting you in my bed.”

you smile at the praise, eyes fluttering closed, and the second your vision is fully black, rafe launches forward, wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking harshly.

you raise your hips up into his face, continuing to fuck yourself on your fingers as your orgasm rushes over your body, shaking with pleasure as rafe continues to play with your clit as you come down from your high.

“oh my god that was good.” your hips lower, and rafe pulls away to rub at your thighs while your breathing starts to return to normal.

“if only all your fangirls could see us now.” you laugh.

“they can.” rafe presses a kiss to your thigh, moving back up your body. “i would love to fuck you on live.”

you feel your stomach twist, part in nerves and part in excitement and showing off to all of the girls watching rafes anonymous streams that he’s claimed now, by you. even though no one will know who it is, you still feel like showing off your possessiveness.

“yes, please.” you say enthusiastically, making rafe pause.

“now? don’t you want our first time to be offline?” you love that rafe is so confident that this will not be the last time.

“it’s okay with me if it’s okay with you.” you admit. you never would have thought that you could be so comfortable in your body to show it off to thousands, but the way rafe is treating your body makes you feel so alive that you don’t even worry about it.

“fuck, yes. let me get it all set up.” rafe stands, but not before giving you a sweet kiss, allowing you to taste yourself on his lips.

you watch as rafe turns the ring light on, pulling open the porn site on his laptop. he switches the camera on so you can see the angle without going live yet. you stand up once your legs have regained some strength, walking to stand behind rafe as he finishes setting up.

“come sit on my lap.” rafe sticks a thigh out for you, and you press your pussy into his thick muscle. “do you want me to mute us?”

you think for a moment. “mmm, no let them hear.”

“you couldn’t get any hotter.” rafe kisses your shoulder. “why don’t you stroke me and then if you decide you want to fuck on camera you can ride me?” “yeah.” you nod, making sure to keep your face completely out of the frame, admiring the way your tits are still shown, feeling sexy and powerful in this moment.

“hey everyone.” rafe addresses the audience as they slowly pour in, a lower viewership number than usual considering the spontaneous stream. “i have someone here to play with me today.”

he places a hand on your hip, giving you a squeeze of encouragement. the chair is turned slightly to the side so they can still see rafes crotch, hard in his underwear, as you sit on his spread thigh like you don’t weigh a thing.

you let yourself move naturally but keep one eye on the screen as you reach to rub your hand over rafes underwear, feeling every inch of him that you’ve spent the better part of the last year lusting after.

you stroke as the chat rolls in, smirking to yourself at the jealousy from some of the girls. you finally feel bolder and reach to pull rafes cock out of his underwear. he helps you by lifting his hips so you can tug it mostly down his thighs.

you turn on his thigh so you’re no longer straddling him, missing the pressure on your cunt but too focus on touching rafe to care as you perch yourself on his knee, now able to touch him with both hands.

you don’t waste any time teasing. you’ve wanted so long to wrap your hand around him and now that you finally do, you give him long strokes, using both hands.

“fuck, so good kitten.” rafe says, using the nickname he uses for his chat, but his eyes stay on you when you look up from his cock.

you lean in and give him a kiss, and while the viewers can’t see, they can certainly tell what is happening as you flick your thumb across the tip of his cock. rafe moans into your mouth in a vulnerable moment, letting you take complete control.

you dominate the kiss, knowing you only are because rafe is allowing you to. you drop one hand to play with his balls, feeling his thigh briefly clench underneath you how willingly you toy with his balls.

“still doing okay?” rafe whispers, quiet enough to not be picked up by the microphone.

“yeah. wanna ride you.” you respond, looking down at his cock, knowing there’s no way to suck him off on camera without your identity being revealed, so you’ll have to save that for another time.

“fuck, yes.” rafe groans as you continue to stroke him. “i’m clean.”

you instantly get the implication, a smile gracing your lips. “me too and i’m on birth control.”

“ride me then.” rafe presses his lips against yours, and you regrettably have to let go of his cock as you turn to face rafe, placing your knees on the chair on either side of him. you turn to check that you’re in a good position for the camera as you hold onto his cock, sinking down onto him.

you let yourself go slowly, reading over the chat to distract you from the slight stretch, eyes widening when you realize how many more people have joined the livestream, now being watched by almost 15,000 people.

“god, your pussy feels so fucking good, kitten.” rafe moans, loud enough for everyone to hear.

you turn back to face rafe as you sit down completely on his cock, putting your focus back on him as you start to raise and lower your hips, letting a few moans slip free as well. rafe lets you have control as you build yourself up, getting used to the motions and his cock inside of you.

“more.” you beg, and rafe knows exactly what you need, placing his hands on your hips and helping you move up and down.

you grip onto his shoulders, keeping your eyes locked together as he helps bounce you, moaning for each other and for the audience as you clench your cunt around him, hoping it brings rafe to the edge quicker considering how quickly you’re already desperate for another orgasm just from the feel of his cock inside of you.

“so fucking good, i’ve imagined this for so long.” rafe says, and you’re still surprised, even though he did confess his crush you never realized how serious it was, now regretting not going to more parties after high school and missing out on all of this.

rafe gives your ass a gentle tap, his eyes on yours as he asks for permission. you nod, knowing instantly what rafe is looking to do.

his hand connects harder with your ask, giving you a spanking. a red mark develops right in front of viewers eyes as he gives you a few more slaps.

your slow down in movement is noticeable, not being able to move as fast without rafes assistance, but it lets you feel every ridge of his cock as it rubs against you.

“fuck!” you moan as rafe moves one of his hands to rub your clit, his thumb swiping over your sensitive bud as you move, your hips slapping against his thighs as you ride him.

“i’m not gonna last.” rafe confesses, and you’re thankful because you’re about to cum as well.

“close.” you lean forward, using every last bit of energy you have to move quickly, forcing his cock as deep as possible when you feel him start to cum, wanting every last drop flooding your insides.

his release triggers your own as you moan, resisting the urge to say his name as your pussy pulsates around his cock, your eyes rolling back in your head at the pure ecstasy moving through your body.

“good girl.” rafe praises, rubbing your back as you rest your head against his shoulder. he is careful when pulling you off his cock to move slowly, knowing how much abuse your pussy just went through.

he holds your hips up to the camera, letting the viewers watch as his cum slides out of your hole in dollops. rafe lowers you down onto his lap, ending the livestream without as much as saying goodbye.

you go to sit up, still breathing heavily, but rafe stops you from moving too quickly and overthinking what just happened. “i’ve got you.” he whispers, pressing his lips into your hair.

you smile, letting all of your worries go, until you hear a sudden knock at the door, making both of you jump.

“hey, uhh rafe-” you recognize the voice as topper, one of rafes friends. “were you planning on making an appearance at your own party?” “oh shit, i completely forgot i was having a party.” he says to you before turning towards the door. “be right out!” he shouts for topper to here.

rafe turns to you, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “i’ve got to show off my new girl.”

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nunalastor · 2 months

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Okay, more Aus and general wholesomeness to help combat the cursed inbox content (TBH, I feel like I should start signing these with an emoji. I’ve sent you like pauses to scroll through your blog and count the anon I know I sent, 20-ish!?!? Ugh, I didn’t think I had the brain rot that bad. Guess not. Any emojis that are free?

AU: For whatever reason, Alastor’s mum comes to visit. Whether its as an angel or time travel shenanigans is unclear. But everyone basically jumps at the chance to explain just how horrible Alastor is. All except Lucifer, who pulls her aside and tells her that while her son isn’t prefect, he isn’t heartless. He’s saved my daughter, multiple times. He’s the one who called be out on being an absent parent. He supported her when I wouldn’t. He respects women so much it’s a defining part of his characterization. He treats Nifty well, even when most people don’t and are creped out by her. He doesn’t lash out at Angle for his suggestive comments (much) because he knows that’s just what Angle is use to. He’s working on a way to own Angle’s soul instead of the man who’ll keep abusing him. And yes he picks fights and embarrasses Vox, but he never starts them. He’s dragged Lucifer out of depressive states and dealt with him at his worse that he won’t let even Charlie see. Alastor’s mum leaves knowing that while her son isn’t prefect, he is doing what he thinks is best, and he is loved.

AU, ft. Helluva Boss: Rather than run IMP, Blitzo works as Lucifer’s bodyguard. How did he end up in that position? Well, he met Alastor and while they do not get along, Alastor respects that he tries to be a good father. The imp soon becomes a part of their small missed matched family, and is the only one who tell RadioApple to their face that they were not, in fact, just friends. He also likes to tell them that they don’t pay him enough to deal with their drama. RadioApple catches word of Blitz messy love life and decide its only far to meddle like he did. They are both, really really bad at it though.

AU, Human: Lucifer is a teacher. The class knows he was married and divorced, and they have reason to suspect that he’s seeing someone again based on what his daughter Charlie has said. They don’t know for sure until they have to switch to Zoom because of the plague. Unforatnely for them, their teachers partner is very good at not being caught on camera. The only thing they’ve seen of him is a flash of a red coat and a charming voice.

General HCs: Alastor and Lucifer can see each other from their rooms, if they stand at the right angle. They make a game out of trying to communicate with each other from across the hotel with hand gestures or magic. It’s pretty hit or miss most of the time. They also send paper airplanes to each other from across the roof.

Lucifer manages to sneak a rubber duck onto Alastor’s person. Where he hides it I’m not quite sure, but it is hidden. Alastor himself doesn’t know about it, but his Shadow does. It doesn’t tell him. The duck is a means of protection and when Alastor is ambushed by the Vees while healing from his wound from the final, he explodes with magic and knocks them all out, does serve damage to the road and building around it and teleports the deer demon back to the hotel. Alastor tells him to never do it again. He is ignored, and the defense ducks are regularly placed on him.

Alastor can melt with his shadow, but what people don’t know is that he can also blend in with other people’s shadows. It's easiest if they know and consent to him being there though. Lucifer has no problem with this, and Alastor takes great delight in scaring people by popping out of the king’s shadow. It also allows him to leave the pride ring, though he can’t leave the shadow, and he can’t stay in the shadow for very long if outside.

so many!! def sign with an emoji - or even submit as yourself or post to your blog with a link i can reblog so people can follow you!

#hazbin hotel #radioapple #alastor #appleradio #radio apple #apple radio #lucifer #headcanon #nunalastor asks

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youalreadyhavefullresults · 9 months

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the mindset journey

So hi.

My mindset has been evolving a lot ever since I started this journey, and I thought I'd lay it all out in one post. Subliminals, mindless affirming, scripting, visualization, states. I've tried so many things out, and I think I've finally figured out what works for me.

TLDR:

Stop “trying” to manifest or checking the 3d, you already have full results, creation was over like since forever.

Sure you know that you’re God, as the posts and everything you’ve seen tells you, but have you really embraced that internally?

It doesn’t matter how many posts you read, it’s up to you to actually change your mindset.

Logic is literally useless, be delusional (don’t you just wanna go ape-shit :), go get your fucking desires)

Time is not linear, and means nothing when manifesting.

Revision is so powerful, use it.

It’s just so easy guys, please just make sure you’re actually applying the information you see instead of just passively scrolling through.

And the rest is under the cut, happy reading <33

I started off in the subliminal community in Oct 2020 and just had so many limiting beliefs, it was sad. Not to shit on the community or anything, some of them are wonderful people and most of them have changed their mindset as well, but my initial knowledge prevented me from getting to this point until now. But, now I’m here, and a day after I wrote this in my drafts, I literally manifested my ideal life. I originally started this blog to collect advice from loa blogs, but honestly, I don’t need any of it anymore. Though I do like helping people, so if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an ask.

The Initial Mindset:

I always read through countless posts that say “You’re God” and “You literally can get what you want without even trying.” While I understood the text and adopted the mindset, I still did little subconscious things that contradicted it. While I affirmed my self-concept was perfect, I would also cram-study for exams and worry I would fail. I would say I look perfect, but then also worry about the way my body looked. Also, the way that I literally became obsessed with loa media? I spent hours watching Sammy Ingram videos, looping subliminals, and reading tumblr posts on “how to manifest faster and better”. During this phase of my life, my mind was plagued with intrusive thoughts and my self-concept was slowly getting better, but still absolute shit. I would manifest things here and there, but nothing life-changing.

The main problem however, was the fact that I would treat manifesting like a task I HAD to do. Now that school was back in session, I literally would zone out during specific classes on purpose and just affirm to myself. I would feel bad if I hadn’t listened to my subliminal playlist for the day because I “wasted time in getting my desires”. There’s nothing wrong with vainly affirming or listening to subs if you believe it works, but for me, treating manifesting like a task meant that I was looking for an outcome. Clearly, now I know better, that everything is always done and that there’s nothing to complete, but back then, this was probably the main reason why I struggled to see full results easily. I was acting out of desperation and didn't believe manifestation already was done.

When Everything Changed:

I know that it’s different for everyone, but my “aha!” moment was probably when I read this post. Seriously, go read it, it made me realize that I was going about it all wrong. Now, it wasn’t learning how to perfect my manifesting, it was learning to pull out the tiny limiting beliefs that had burrowed its way into my subconscious.

For example,

“I need to do xyz so that I can get my manifestations.”

Why would I would need to do anything if I already have all of my manifestations hmm? It’s literally already done. Like there’s no need to put in that effort into something that’s already perfect right? So why do I need to even need to try? I literally get whatever tf I want without even trying. This doesn’t mean that every method out there is useless, but in the end, you are the one doing the manifesting, not the method.

“But... this makes absolutely no logical sense! How would this even work?”

I know that STEM me loves finding the logic behind everything, so that’s why I struggled a lot with the logic and time aspect. But darling, it doesn’t need to make sense. There are literally so many things in the world that scientists to this day can’t explain, including just how powerful and complex your brain is. Not to mention the fact that concepts such as logic and science are literally man-made too? What’s the point in trying to deal with logic? Just let go and have fun.

“I affirmed so hard, and I believed it. But then it never showed up when the time came.”

First off, your time spent affirming means nothing, sorry to break it to you. It’s about the mindset(your state if you will) you currently exist in that truly makes a difference. And just because it didn’t show up today doesn’t mean that you missed your window of opportunity. Revision is still manifesting, because time is not a linear concept. Anything at any time can just change with a snap of your fingers. You want to change all of your test scores? Bam, it’s done. you wish WW2 never happened? Bam, it’s done. You want to relive the past 5 years of your life? Bam, it’s done. It doesn’t matter what the event is, what time it is, or that you “didn’t do it before the deadline”. Whenever you do get it(which is instant/soon if you're persisting properly), it will be there, seamlessly blended in with your 3d. You don’t need to worry about a damn thing, your subconscious will take care of everything for you.

“Oh no! I just had intrusive thoughts, did I just mess up my manifestations?”

Why are you giving intrusive thoughts the power to do anything? Sure, you may get them, but that doesn’t mean that they have any effect on you. It’s the doubt they make you feel in your mindset that truly messes it up. Don’t give in. Acknowledge the thought, accept that it literally means nothing, and continue to persist. Your thoughts only have the power you give them.

“Nah, everyone has to be lying, this doesn’t seem real.” / ”Manifesting must just be a coincidence, there’s no way this is real.”

Oh? So you’re saying, the amount of posts you’ve seen, all of the success stories, all of the followers and comments, are you saying every single one of them is lying? No. I’m not saying that every single one of them is truthful, but there’s no way that every single one of them would lie and put this much work into something that’s not real. If you find yourself struggling to believe in the law, I’d suggest you try to manifest something small, and then build up your belief from there. I sure as hell didn’t believe in any of this from the beginning, but then, I manifested consciously for the first time. Again, and again. It became easier, and my life got better. It soon becomes apparent that literally everything you think happens. I always used to wonder how things I randomly thought in the back of my head always happened even though I literally didn’t do anything about it in the 3d. This proved to me that your mental state is more powerful than it seems.

“Can I manifest-”

Yes. Just yes. You’re GOD. GOD. Why tf is God asking some random loa account if they can manifest something or not? Ofc God would know that they can manifest whatever the fuck they want instantly. Do you think when God said “Let there be light”, he first asked people around him if he could? No. He took that shit and just fucking ran with it.

“But-but, what if-”

Uh-uh. I don’t want to fucking hear it. Like I said in the previous section, stop overthinking everything you do. Just go. Run with what you already know and manifest the life of your dreams. You don’t need to keep looking for new information, some specific post that changes everything for you. All they can do for you is steer you in the right direction. You’re the one who’s going to have to figure out our mindset and pull yourself together, no one else can do it. Take back your power, embrace it. I don’t care if you unfollow every single loa account or delete tumblr, just stop looking for the next post. Why would you need more information when you already have everything you need?

I wrote down everything I struggled with, forgot about it, and continued to persist in my new mindset. I ignored any negative 3d circumstances, and just vibed in the feeling that my desires were already here, that feeling of contentment someone has when everything in their life is just amazing. The main question I asked myself was, what would a person who had ____ think, and I went from there. Soon the things I wanted just started popping up in my life, just as I knew it would. I feel like the things I’ve said in this post are pretty much the same concepts you see all over loa tumblr, which is why it’s so important that you actively take in the information that’s being given to you and actually apply it. I was obsessed with tumblr and kept on scrolling through countless blogs and posts, and I was only able to fully manifest after I stepped away from all of that. There is no big secret. There’s no miraculous method that will fix everything for you. There’s just... you. And your subconscious. Whatever you tell your subconscious, goes. As simple as that.

How about, instead of scrolling to whatever next loa post you were about to see on this app, you close tumblr and just go live your best life? Don’t overcomplicate it and just do whatever feels natural to you. I hope this post helped, happy manifesting!

-cinna

#self concept #motivation #loa #law of assumption #manifestation #subconscious #success story #mine #mindset #neville goddard #manifesting #loassumption #law of manifestation

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neteyamsyawntu · 7 months

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Synopsis ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Taking place in an alternate universe where the RDA do not return to Pandora until 20 years later; the Sully’s are forced to abandon the Omaticaya in an attempt to keep the clan and themselves safe. This however meant that you were to say goodbye to your lover and closets companion and while Neteyam swore he would return to you, you grew restless and search for them yourself. Have you had known that events would unfold as fatally as they did, you may have stayed in the forest.

Now with Neteyam resurrected on the side of the RDA, seemingly having lost himself to their mind games, you make it your sole mission to bring him back to you, no matter the cost.

✨Friendly Disclaimer: The content of this story contains aged-up characters! If this is something that makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to click or scroll away. The last thing I want is for anyone to read something they are uncomfortable with, however if you decide to interact with any negativity, you will be blocked from my blog as a result.

A general warning: This series is intended for audiences over the age of 18. 🔞Minors please do not interact🔞

Chapters ➼

Prologue

You left your home in the forest of Pandora, driven to find your childhood companion, unable to face the reality of possibly never seeing him. Successfully reaching the Sullys, your reunion with is short and sweet. However the moment you lock eyes with Neteyam, a rush of emotions seem to overwhelm both of you equally, prompting Neteyam to bring you to somewhere more private to catch up.

Chapter 1

You are mated to Neteyam before his death and the impact it had on you was catastrophic. Your entire world had shattered, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to dwell on mourning, making it an obligation to your deceased mate to take up his role in watch after his siblings. After a first RDA raid on Awa’atlu, Neteyam has been resurrected by the RDA now being mind controlled to fight against his family and you. After your first encounter seeing Neteyam back from the dead, you know that he isn’t his true self… maybe there is a way to bring him back.

Chapter 2

You try to make sense of this ‘new Neteyam’. Where did he get all of this hatred from? Could he really have been so easily swayed to change sides or was there something deeper? All you know if you have to get him to realize his true self, so you set out on a solo mission to bring him back yourself.

Chapter 3

After being captured by the RDA you try your best to press Neteyam for his motives, but it leads you down a dead end and a dangerous encounter with Quaritch that brings out Neteyam's possessive nature.

Chapter 4

After Neteyam takes it upon himself to reclaim you as his mate, the two of you find yourselves in a risky situation.

Chapter 5

While you finally reunite with the Sully's and the rest of the Metkayina clan, Quaritch works with General Ardmore on how they can further subdue Neteyam's rebellious behavior.

Chapter 6

To be continued •••

Hello lovely readers! I figured it was about time I gave my series a proper masterlist, I hope this new format makes it easier to navigate through chapters!

Chapters will be progressively updated as they are posted.

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jewish-vents · 1 month

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first - i just want to say thank you for making this blog. it’s so important to know that we aren’t alone in the many things we’re experiencing and feeling right now, especially when so many of us have become painfully isolated as of late.

i apologize for how long this one is going to be.

i’ve been feeling so, so alone recently. my tumblr dash has been cut down to just a handful of jewish blogs that i can trust to be kind and understanding and nuanced, but it means that the majority of the content i see is about antisemitism and the war. after a while, it becomes draining to scroll through what feels like endless sadness. i turned to looking at fandom tags instead of following fandom blogs, but it makes me feel equally as insane to click on a blog about race cars and immediately see a post with 60k notes calling what’s happening in gaza “the new holocaust”. i started going back on twitter, but fan accounts on there too are only safe for a day or so before the account owner shares some awful antisemitic tweet from an account known to be an anti-jewish extremist. i went back on instagram briefly, but i was soon afraid to look at people’s stories for fear i’d see something terrible and lose yet another trusted person from my life.

in person, i have to walk by signs saying “zionism = genocide” and hastily scribbled palestinian flags with the colors in the wrong spot on my way to class every day. a wall across from my apartment says “BDS” in giant letters. i haven’t opened my curtains in months because of it. a “protest” of about 25 people stood in the center of campus and yelled and waved their fists in passing students’ faces, so jewish students didn’t go to class on any of the days they gathered. i only have one non jewish friend left at school - the rest abandoned me because i either called them out on antisemitic rhetoric or refused to go along with the idea that anyone, palestinian or israeli, muslim or jewish, is less than human. i had taken several of them along to our hillel’s seder in the past. i don’t know who i can safely go with this year. i have a few jewish friends, of course, but i love bringing goyische friends with little connection to judaism along to experience how joyful and loving jewish holidays can be.

it feels like there is no escape from this fucking war. it sickens me that it’s the only thing people pretend to care about - where is the attention for sudan, ukraine, armenia, uyghurs in china, syria, guyana? how is putting an emoji in your twitter bio or putting a translucent overlay of the palestinian flag on your tumblr icon any sort of real activism? how have we gone from “antisemitism is wrong” to “(((zionists))) control the world media”? it seems like the war is a fandom to these people. it seems like nobody cares enough to fully read and think critically about what they share, let alone do real research beyond looking at an infographic somebody shared on their instagram story. they’ll add on “don’t forget your click today!” to an unrelated twitter thread that went viral, flip the bird at the local starbucks, and put “won’t you free my palestine” on their instagram stories. they’ll anonymously tell a jew online to commit suicide. they’ll feel secure in the knowledge that they’re the perfect leftist, that this is somehow “good trouble”. all this praxis, and nothing to show for it but massive surges in hate crimes against jews. good job, guys! you singlehandedly saved every innocent person in gaza!

it’s isolating. it��s scary. jews can’t mourn. jews can’t be angry. jews can’t disagree. jews can’t suffer. jews can’t be whole, complex people with diverse beliefs and experiences. suffering is a game, and the goal is to hurt the most, scream the most, die the most, all to appease western leftists whose closest connection to war and violence was reading the hunger games in middle school.

i’m tired of it all. i want a peaceful and just resolution to the war. i want the mindless hatred everywhere to stop. i want to be able to scroll through social media and see nothing but fandom. i want to walk through campus with my magen david showing and all the friends i lost by my side on the way to the hillel seder. i want to open my curtains again. i know the experience of one diaspora jew is nothing compared to what people living in israel and palestine are currently going through, yet i still need this all to end. i don’t think any of us can go on like this, but we must, because we have. for thousands of years, we’ve gone on. that still doesn’t mean it has to be this hard all the time.

all i can think is “now we are slaves. next year may we be free.” now we are slaves to hatred and violence and suffering. next year may we all be free. next year may we all be in jerusalem.

#jewish vents #antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #antisemitism on tumblr #i/p

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safetycar-restart · 6 months

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KINKTOBER DAY 19: A/B/O [MAX VERSTAPPEN X READER]

NOTE: This is an NSFW fic with omega!max and alpha!reader. If you're under 18 or this is not something you're interested in, then scroll past. If you like what you see here, then check out the rest of my blog :))

This fic is part of a kinktober series where I discuss a different kinky concept with a different motorsports athlete every day. We also discuss the concepts in more detail through asks on my blog so if you have any thoughts, feel free to stop by!

(For a while now we've been discussing the idea of omega!max crashing and then going to heat when a marshal helps him out of the car, I thought that for today's kinktober we could finally give this concept it's own fic! If anyone wants to add their own thoughts or hear more about this, please send in some asks! I'll be tagging everything with 'marshal!reader')

You watch from your marshal post as a red bull goes wide and hits the barriers, the car spins twice and then settles, losing a wheel in the process. You wait until the yellow flag is out and then rush forward to collect the debris, as you have been trained.

You check on the driver, realising it's max when you see the number on the car. You try to confirm he's conscious, but when he spots you he motions for help getting out the car. There are other marshals already clearing the debris so you do as he asks.

The moment he's out the car, he's frantically trying to get his helmet off. He appears unharmed, but you can smell the fear off him from a mile away.

The moment his helmet is off, he takes a few deep breaths, looks at you, and then just drops his helmet and gloves and dives into your arms. You nearly both topple down, having not expected it, but luckily you manage to catch him.

He whines high in his throat, turning his neck to the side as he clings to you and that's when you smell it. The scent of slick finally making itself known.

You realise he's in heat.

You try to back away, knowing you're unmated alpha and that he must be reacting to you. But he whines and clings to you even tighter, refusing to let you go.

"Don't leave," he mumbles against you, "please don't leave."

The medical car arrives but max still refuses to let you go, trying to hide against your neck.

The doctor ends up telling you to come with him, knowing that trying to get an omega in heat away from an alpha they've chosen is a losing battle. You don't want to leave your post, but your instincts are completely honed into the omega who won't let you go.

You know you have to go with them.

Max is whining the whole car ride to the medical centre, hissing at the doctor when he opens the door when they arrive. You have to coax Max out of the car, promising him that you're coming with and that you won't leave him.

Not that you would ever want to leave him.

They end up injecting heat suppressants into his arm, which calms him down enough that you can convince him to let you go and escape out the medical centre.

It hurts so much, because all your instincts are screaming at you to go back and look after the omega who has chosen you. But logically you know that's not the case. Max must have gone into a shock heat when he crashed, and you were simply the first alpha he encountered. He doesn't even know your name, there's no way it's anything more than instincts and now that he's been giving suppressants, you're sure he's going to be mortified once he can think straight.

So you leave.

What you dont know though, is that the suppressants stop working after a few hours and he asks for the marshal who helped him. They offer him several toys and other alphas, even Daniel shows up to offer to help. Max turns everyone down, crying out for the marshal.

#kinktober tag #omega!max #mv #gn!reader #marshal!reader

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jojo-oliver · 7 months

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my terf+transphobe blocklist

Every terf I've found. For your blocking pleasure! Under the cut

Oh fuck there's a terf in my notes! What can I do? 1. Flag on shinigami eyes browser extension. You've probably heard of this, but it's free, available on desktop. Also available on firefox mobile I think. Has been used to improperly flag people before. Trust but verify. 2. Look through "Blogs like this one" to break the reblog chains and effectively block a whole circle of them. You could also just look through who they're reblogging from. 3. Have a quick scroll for any posts that are reportable. This takes a lot more time than the other steps, but if enough people report them, and if you're reporting something that breaks tumblr's guidelines, then their account could get taken down. Win. 4. Lastly, block. OR Block first and save yourself the psychic damage. If you're on mobile, you could block first and go back later on desktop, finding them in your blocked tumblrs list, to do the rest. Do not interact! Do not send anons! Don't even give them that. Just flag, report, block, move on. Movements don't go anywhere in silence.

Please know that there aren't actually that many of them. I've noticed from going through so many, and from how they interact in my notes... I don't want to say too much because I'm starting to feel like someone's going to read this eventually. But it can be pretty clear that they have multiple accounts. Some of them are making this their full-time jobs. Just sitting on the computer and finding trans people to bully. It's pathetic and sad. If you block all of them, they just... stop existing. Because it's a small group of people. But they do make new accounts once too many people have blocked them, every... 3-9 months? Or, I imagine, once they start to notice that the site feels empty to them and they've been blocked by too many people? It's easy to block enough of them, but I do recommend setting aside some time to do this. I also recommend taking care of your mental health afterwards. When I encounter a block list from someone else, I always check out the blog before blocking, because tools like these can be used against us as well. Shinigami eyes has been used to incorrectly mark trans people before. Trust but verify. No tool is perfect. So I'm assuming you're going to check some of these blogs out too, because that's what I would do. Set some time aside to take care of yourself afterwards please. Love you.

How to put these in your blocklist quickly

The way I do it uses desktop and your phone at the same time. Or 2 tabs on desktop. The second part is to reference the usernames or look them up. Click on your own profile picture icon and on the right hand side of the screen should be this:

Click on "blog settings" at the bottom. You'll be brought to a new screen, where you'll scroll all the way to the bottom, and see this:

Click on the writing thing there and then you'll finally see your block list:

I'll find this post and reblog with more of them whenever I find them. I've never made a block list before, if I could do something better let me know <;3 If someone's changed their username DM me and I'll edit it Accurate as of 2023-10-04 ----------------------------------- -Row 1- prettyrad-ical thefemalejoker42069 sirona-ryan hard--headed--woman modernamericanbreakfast meowfem uter-us mala-santa-radfem nightdepthss radfemtiktok radfem-rage glitter-soda cordycepsfem burningtheroots meanevilandcruel floradfem radsplain terf-hands gougarfem freckled-radfem radrevoltz a-toast-to-womanhood radmista -Row 2- gentlyriseandfall acidbathcat chubbyraccoonman julzlex28 kweerphobique female-prince antiyourwokehomophobia2 quinntheestallion antiporn-activist blueipa angela-anaconda-was-a-lesbian ellaacadia opabiniawillreturn coochiequeens raccoonjesus redheddebeauty nonenosome2 gendiebrainrotreceipts cornedbeef101 kaleiddie bolshefem -Row 3- irresponsiblebirdowner 1-888-narcolepsy terfytingz strozzaprete raidenfem capricorn-season cloud-enigma-blog rad-fem-r-us butch-reidentified terf-tea antigender1 the-rad-menace paperlunamoth femailment patronsaintofvulvas goyangii femmessias2 chadradfem filianongrata -Row 4- i-eat-boiled-eggs-for-breakfast conmigonoeh daughterf radishpanda adult-human-gc-female nansheonearth ilistened2transwomen magnetictapedatastorage demonlizard noncompliantbi transmisogynyiscool goblinous radbutches radicalfembabey frankenawus femmesandhoney lavendertruffles etesienne lavendeerlesbian latina-and-rad punishthegods -Row 5- shes-unforgettable blackswallowtailbutterfly iceyrukia womantichrist faxroux femgoddess-hecate radicalitch radicalblunt chocobbunnii finnishrogue cheesyradfem the-land-of-women transwomenarestillmen catsthemewsical butchlesbianz sowhatnotcreative womens-suffrage-revival-squad -Row 6- back-not-broken friendlymathematician vulva-lacking-losers lilleisak misandristdiarist lookupmedicalmisogyny irisintel womenshallrise creatorisawoman mint-fem large-gamete-maker wordsfromthewick feministfairy libertarian-princess rad-claid-plaid cisthoughtcrime powerfem feral-radfem -Row 7- lizaganderson gynoids-over-androids localbisaster tubularfem there-are-4-lights realisticflyinglesbian femjerma earwigeater destroyerofgender scumbhag clytemnestra-was-right kronkk eternal-echoes kafkaesqueneet xrgl maleswillbemale aspiringfalseidol old-school-butch radafayscage -Row 8- makeyourownopinion gcdk ex-schizo zombierightsadvocate buildingmode2fromthesims1 sofuma feministclassicist radfemlands scumlafeccia son-of-hemera terra-feminarum natures-imperfection atmospherings belastrenchcoat sublimeobjectperson wawaenjoyer feministhetic sparklypinktutu1 -Row 9- kittens2000 spacemonkeyg78 princessterf hidetothink nobleelfwarrior ancientdriftwood 10reallybigants radfemsilv elfyprincess meetmebythe1ake genderatheist religion-is-a-mental-illness s34b4ss kurwaii zlatan-dreams radradmarivy impawsterette if-you-see-gay-me lethalyellowallele dyke-chytilova molagrunda gruncheon victoriassecretagent

-Yippee you made it to the bottom! Check to see if I've added more since, if you'd like. Practice some self care. Love you.-

#transphobia #transphobia cw #pinned #talky tag

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sprucedarkstache · 10 months

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TO ALL MY EMIGRANT FROM TWITTER AND REDDIT PEOPLE - DON’T USE A TAG IF IT’S NOT RELATED TO YOUR POST

I get that some people will be like “oh here are my tagged fandoms, come follow me if you like” and that’s completely fine. But I keep seeing unrelated bullshit on the tags I follow, and guess what? — No one cares about that.

On tumblr, people will spend HOURS scrolling through tags, and to find unrelated stuff specifically tagged on that is incredibly annoying. (Maybe I’m projecting here, but who cares)

Here are my recommendations for the new people coming in.

Make a post tagging yourself in the fandoms you’re in / interests you have

Through those tags, go follow some blogs. Some of them will follow you back.

If you have unrelated things to post, make an unrelated tag (such as “____ speaks”, “not *fandom* related”)

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ASKS ARE NOT DMS. ASKS ARE PUBLICLY POSTED. DMS ARE A SEPARATE THING ENTIRELY.

That being said - use asks. Talk to people. Please.

Don’t be mean. I feel like a parent having to say this, but if you’re trying to fit in here, then don’t mock us for using tumblr. You’re part of this site now too.

if anyone has any related fandoms to me, here they are in the tags, feel free to follow, thank you, have a safe tumblr experience

#markiplier #spider man: across the spider verse #splatoon 3 #twitter immigration #reddit immigration #spruce’s rants #hadestown #the owl house #arcane #jerma

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midnightcinderella · 2 years

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My favs when their s/o gets love potioned

Inspired by this post! In case the link is broken, I’ve reblogged it so it’ll be right below this post on my blog!

3/18/23: Did some editing, added some things to hopefully flesh things out a bit and make it easier to understand

Characters (word count): Trey (800), Leona (700), Silver (600)

Summary: Basically a love potion explodes in your face during class and the first person you lay eyes on after that is not your boyfriend, though that’s of no concern to the potion. Neither he nor the new object of your affections is too jazzed about it

Notes: no gendered pronouns for reader, some jealousy based fluff

Trey Clover

Of course. Of course it had to be someone from his own dorm you saw after the potion incident

Originally he’d been planning to keep an eye on you anyway, but now it seemed he didn’t have a choice. You kept a vice grip on Cater’s arm, preventing him from fleeing the Heartslabyul kitchen

“Are you hungry, honey? I know you don’t like sweets so how about I make us some sandwiches?”

Rip his heart out, why don’t you?

He just barely suppressed the grief from showing on his face upon hearing the pet name meant for him used on Cater

When Trey turned to meet Cater’s gaze, all he could do was shoot him a sheepish grin, wiggling his arm in your grip in hopes that Trey would see that he was being held captive

Whether it was because you noticed that he wanted to be let go or because you needed both hands to make sandwiches was unknown to either of them, but you let Cater go anyway

Cater moved to leave but you called him back, saying you were almost done

At Cater’s excuse that he was busy and had plans, you replied that you chose that time to hang out with him because you knew he would be free

The boys were unsure whether they were impressed with your planning or concerned that you managed to learn Cater’s schedule in such a short time

Sandwiches made and grin on your face, you dragged Cater to eat outside with you in the warm sunshine, leaving your poor boyfriend behind to quietly bake for the dorm’s next tea party :(

His phone dinged while he was busy waiting for the pastries to bake and feeling sorry for himself. It was a Magicam notification

You’d just posted two pictures captioned “#TogetherForever”

The first was a tasteful shot of the sandwiches you’d made and the second was a selfie of you and Cater, pressed cheek to cheek with matching grins on your faces

Trey sighed. Cater never could resist a good photo op

In the garden, you were scrolling through your phone. “Look, Cater! We’ve already got so many comments!”

“You posted it?” he asked in disbelief. Trey was going to kill him. Or worse, mess with his meals

“Yeah!” you laughed, not noticing the disparity between your moods as you read through the comments

They were all confused. When had you and Trey broken up, they asked.

What?

As you stared at the comments, wondering why they all mentioned Trey, the fog blocking a part of your brain began to clear

You were dating Trey, not Cater

You called Cater honey. Right in front of Trey

Oh shit

Without a word, you jumped to your feet and rushed toward the kitchen where you hoped your beloved still was

You only made it a few steps, however, before turning on your heel and coming back to snag your uneaten sandwich

You’d just finished the last bite when you reached the kitchen and sighed in relief when you saw that Trey was still there

He was scrolling through his phone, only noticing you when you got close

Given no time to process what was happening, Trey let out a grunt as you barrelled into him, squishing his arms to his sides as you hugged him tight

“Trey! Honey, I’m so sorry!” You were hiding your face in his shoulder, unable to see his face as you babbled one apology after another

In the middle of you swearing up and down that whatever you did with Cater wasn’t real, he wiggled one arm out of your grasp and held up a hand to stop you

Your blood ran cold at the feeling of him breaking away from you and you were almost afraid to look at him

Trey called your name softly and you finally met his eyes, terrified of what you might find. What if he was really upset?

Though you found no anger in his expression, you were still uneasy, not knowing what he was feeling

“I get a get out of jail free card for this,” was all he said. You nodded readily, pursing your lips. “Then all is forgiven.”

You planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek and held him tighter, wailing about how you’d never leave his side again

He didn’t even need to ask you to take down the pictures you took with Cater; you did it as soon as you let him go

The very next day, you posted a picture of a honey cake captioned, “With all my love to my sweet baker <3″

The comments were once again flooded with confused people, wondering if you’d thought the previous day was April Fool’s day or something

Leona Kingscholar

How weird that you were seeing Leona everywhere today, you thought

Unable to take your attention off of Jack for more than a moment, you didn’t notice that it was no coincidence

You also didn’t notice how Leona’s jaw clenched or how his tongue clicked whenever you had any interaction with Jack

What you did notice, however, was the way Jack would glance nervously behind you every so often

You’d turned to look once or twice but never saw anyone looking to do either of you harm. It was just Leona and neither of you had done anything to piss him off

“Come to the Mystery Shop with me, Jackie!” you said, pulling him along by the hand. You started off in the opposite direction of where Leona was leaning against a wall

“Wha- Can’t you shop on your own?” he asked. He glanced behind him to see Leona standing up straight once again to follow

“I could, but I really want you to come with me,” you said. “No one will mess with me if you’re there.”

“Do people mess with you often?” he asked. You nodded, not looking back

“Yeah. Some of them try to prank me, others try to flirt. It’s a headache every time.”

Jack hadn’t known about this. When he looked to Leona, it seemed the lion beastman was in the same boat

Jack had never been the best at identifying emotions, even less so when it came to inexpressive people, but Leona wore the most unreadable expression he’d seen yet

Finally, after a moment of Jack wondering if he should block or dodge, Leona nodded his chin forward, telling him to go with you

With Leona’s blessing, Jack kept your pace all the way to the shop

As you browsed the shelves, a voice in your head nagged at you that something was wrong

It wouldn’t stop and became unbearable to the point that you put the can of tuna back in its place and looked around you in all directions to prove to the voice that you were fine, there was no one in sight but you and Jack

See? You were perfectly safe. But still the voice wouldn’t shut up

It was relentless, screaming at you that you were in an unnatural situation, that you didn’t belong here. You couldn’t even focus on reading the product labels anymore

Instead you told Jack that you could shop another time and that you wanted to hang out by Savanaclaw’s pool for a bit

Which is how Jack found himself lying right beside the pool with you cuddling up to him

The sound of the water gently lapping at the edge of the pool was his only solace as he watched Leona pretend to nap nearby on a lounge chair

You laid you head on Jack’s arm, accepting that you would just have to be content with what you were given

You tapped your finger gently on his vest, right where you’d originally wanted to rest your head

He’d denied you when you asked and you gave him your best puppy dog eyes, hoping to change his mind

Unfortunately for Jack, he couldn’t tell the difference between puppy dog eyes and the look of someone about to cry

Worried that you were going to start the waterworks at any time, he offered you his arm instead

You stopped your tapping and laid your hand flat on his chest

“Jackie,” you said softly. He turned to look at you gazing at him sweetly as you laughed. “Your heart is beating so fast.”

A moment later, your world turned on its axis as a pair of arms hooked under you and hauled you into the air

Spluttering in surprise, you looked to Jack just in time to see Leona plant his boot on his hip

With no deliberation, he pushed Jack right into the pool

“Leo! What do you think you’re doing?!” And suddenly you stopped. Why had you called him Leo? And why wasn’t he annoyed by the new nickname?

One by one, the memories returned to you. Leo wasn’t a new nickname. You’d been calling him that since you started dating

“Leo,” you said again, this time looking at him as if you’d met him for the first time in years

“Welcome back, bunny,” he said, and you could feel his voice rumble through his chest. “We’ve got some naps to catch up on.”

Silver

This wasn’t funny. This wasn’t funny At All

Of all the people you could have seen after the potion exploded in your face, it had to be his father?

Well, he supposed it could have been worse. If it had to be any other Diasomnia student, he guessed he was glad it was Lilia

If it had been Sebek, he’d fear that his brusque mannerisms might hurt your feelings

And if it had been Malleus.... Sebek would be even more likely to hurt your feelings, he thought

Still, he couldn’t say it was pleasant watching his love fawn over his father the way you were doing

He was able to convince Malleus to spend more time with Lilia today so that he could keep an eye on you, much to Sebek’s outrage

“Silver! How dare you try to order our lord around just to selfishly spend time with your partner!”

Malleus only laughed and told Sebek to settle down, that Silver was only worried about you since you were affected by a potion

Though, if he were to be even more honest, he’d admit that was worried about you as well. Humans weren’t so hardy as fae and he wasn’t sure what exactly was in the potion

So now the three of them sat in the lounge watching as you giggled at all the attention Lilia was showering upon you, each with different feelings on the situation: annoyance, amusement, and disgust

Lilia chuckled, gently patting your head as you twirled the flower he’d given you between your fingers

It was plucked from one of the vases in the lounge, but it was the thought that counted, right?

You couldn’t seem to see that the affection he was giving you was the same that he’d given Silver when he was a young boy

Or perhaps you didn’t want to see it, just pleased to have him smiling at you and giving you gifts

Still, all daydreams must come to an end. Yours did when, with a lighthearted laugh, Lilia told you that you reminded him of a little boy he used to take care of

Little? You were here thinking he was flirting back while he saw it as babysitting?

Ouch

Suddenly feeling very embarrassed, you put the flower into the nearest vase and gave Lilia a flimsy excuse about homework as you readied to leave

Happening to catch Silver’s gaze on your way out, you made your way over to him, ready to tell him what had just happened

“You don’t see me as a little kid, right? You take me seriously?”

Silver, patient as he’d always been, assured you that you were not childlike (at least not to the point that anyone would treat you like a child) and that everyone took you and your feelings seriously

“He was just teasing you,” he said, smoothing down your hair

Just as you were about to ask once again if he was sure, you raised your head to see him smiling at you

This smile was one reserved for you and you alone

But how did you know that?

And why was your first thought when you saw him to go to him for comfort? How had you known he would comfort you?

And why was he doing it so gently?

Without you even knowing that your expression had changed, Silver patted your head again

“It’s ok,” he said, and you knew he wasn’t just talking about the way Lilia teased you

He’d watched over you

He’d comforted you when you got upset over something silly

He’d forgiven you before you could even apologize

“Silver,” you said, lip wobbling

Rather than say anything else, he simply pulled you into his arms, his muscles relaxing at having you right where you belonged

You nuzzled into his shoulder and if he felt the tears soaking into his jacket, he didn’t mention them

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lambertdiary · 8 months

Note

I love your writing so much. I love seeing your posts every day!!! I have a request for Dalton - basically him Chris and readers are at a party and and dalton let loose for once and started drinking. After a few drinks, he gets really touchy with the reader and is all over her and is needy. And is like "I need you" and then you can make it into smut? 🙏

A/N: this one ie heavily inspired by ‘so it goes’ by taylor swift. as always please let me know what you think and if you're not comfortable reading this content feel free to exit my blog! likes and reblogs are highly appreciated 🫶🏻

Word Count: 1.6k+

Warnings: NSFW, smut, established relationship, alcohol consumption, language (again, if you're not comfortable reading this please keep scrolling)

MASTERLIST ✩ SEND ME A REQUEST

So It Goes

Y/N was in her dorm looking through her clothes. She was getting ready to impress her boyfriend and for another dumb party Chris begged them to attend. It was Saint Patrick's Day and apparently it was a tradition for the frat houses to throw a big party, none of them were good though.

The flier said ‘green outfits were encouraged’ but after trying on a few different outfits, she finally decided on a black dress. She wanted to wear something attractive but not too revealing, just enough to drive Dalton crazy. They had been keeping their relationship a secret from everyone, including Chris, and were planning on keeping it like that for a while.

“Woah, since when do you dress like that for a frat party?” Chris asked, closing the door behind her.

“Is this too much?” Y/N looked at herself in the mirror, examining her dress choice.

“No!” Chris quickly replied “You look fantastic, I was just surprised to see you in such a beautiful dress for a lame party”

“Oh, thank you” She smiled at her friend “I don’t know, i have a good feeling about this one”

Chris was pretty much ready too, just finishing up her make up and waiting for Dalton to get there so they could leave together. It was usually like that, for some reason they went to a lot of parties even though they always said they weren’t coming back.

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation and an eager Y/N ran to open it, revealing Dalton on the other side.

His eyes widened as he whispered “Oh wow, Y/N… you look-”

“Dalton, you look like you’re excited to go” Chris said when he noticed his smile.

He instantly blushed and entered the room “Are you guys ready?”

“We have been ready for like 15 minutes, why does it always take you so long to get here?” Chris asked him.

“Less time to be at the party, I guess” Chris rolled her eyes and stood up from her bed, examining her two friends’ outfits noticing they were both dressed in black.

“And how come I’m the only one wearing green?”

“I have green earrings” Y/N replied, moving her hair to show off her jewelry. They both looked at Dalton, who obviously did not care about the dress code, he just shrugged his shoulders and hoped that wouldn’t become a problem. The two girls rolled their eyes and left the building, forcing him to guide them to their destination.

They arrived at the ridiculously decorated frat house, already a bunch of frat dudes wandering outside, too drunk to know where they were.

“Well, this looks promising” Y/N whispered.

“If someone gets sick inside, we’re leaving” Chris mentioned before going in.

They had to admit, this party looked like it had potential, the alcohol table had more options, the dance floor a lot bigger and so far, no weird looking liquids on the floor.

Like always, a group gathered to play stupid drinking games. Passing around shots of who knows what to get started. It started out slow, but after chugging beer out of plastic cups the games got more competitive.

Y/N and Dalton weren’t paying too much attention to whatever new game the rest of the group was playing, so far their night summed up in sharing lustful looks in the dark and being a little too handsy, double checking their surroundings to make sure they didn’t get caught.

It went on for a while, until Dalton came up to her and whispered “I need you” Looking around to ensure no one else heard him “Please” He groaned next to her ear.

She did too, so when they noticed Chris was too busy getting drunk with the others, they sneaked upstairs to find somewhere more private.

They didn’t have any luck at first, until Dalton finally opened an unlocked door that led to a tiny bathroom. They started kissing as soon as they went in, closing the door behind them. His back was against the wall and he was blindly looking for the lock on the door.

Moments later, he lifted her up and carried her over to the sink, having a full view of the two of them in the dirty mirror behind her. It escalated quickly, the kisses getting more desperate and the room getting hotter by the second.

“We have to be quick” He breathed in between kisses. Y/N just hummed in response.

She moved to his neck and Dalton’s hands dropped from her face, and his big hands started running up and down her exposed thighs, getting closer to in between her open legs, painfully slowly. Once he reached her underwear he began to run his fingers over it.

“Mhm, Dalton” Y/N hissed at the contact. Hearing her got him more worked up, so he completely got rid of her painties and put it on the back pocket of his jeans, then without even looking he found her clit and started to gently stimulate her, occasionally taking care of the rest of her slit. Y/N was gasping with her mouth wide open and her head was now resting on his shoulder.

Dalton felt his cock twitch in his pants, so he pulled out his wet fingers, ready to unbutton his own pants, until he remembered one more thing they needed to keep going.

“I’ll be right back” Dalton said as he left the bathroom. It only took him like a minute to come back, and he happily showed her a small aluminum package, once again locking the door behind him “I might know where Nick keeps his condoms”

“Ew, that's Nick’s?”

“It’s sealed” He clarified. He went back to stand in between her legs, and without wasting any time , pulled down his pants, just enough to free his throbbing cock. He carefully put on the condom and stroked it a few times before aligning himself with her entrance, slowly pushing in and both of them moaning at the same time. He quickly found a pace that was pleasurable for the both of them.

“Shit” She whispered, with her hand gripping the marble top sink for dear life. Dalton grinned wickedly, pulling her leg so it hooked around his hip.

He continued to pound into her as she creeped under his shirt and found his bare back, her cold hands making Dalton quiver a little, and he was sure she would be leaving scratches down his back, which drove him crazy.

Biting his lips as he brushed his hair back “Fuck” A low groan came out of him. His other hand found her clit to help her with her pleasure. At first, rubbing it slowly, but gradually worked at a fast pace that made her stomach tense. Y/N couldn’t do anything else but whimper uncontrollably “Does it feel good, baby?” He asked.

“Yes” She managed to answer in between moans. Y/N left his back and gripped his shirt for a moment, but then buried her hands in his hair as he thrusted quickly and desperately into her.

They were completely caught up in the moment, the sound of their moans, the heavy breathing and the slapping of their skin giving away what was going on in that bathroom, but they weren’t worried about if there was someone outside. Y/N tightened her thighs around his waist, bringing him closer to her and causing her dress to ride up her thighs even more “Please- almost there” She breathed.

Dalton went faster and took a minute to stare at the mirror, meeting with his own gaze and the back of his frenetic girlfriend, he could see her hair move along with his thrust and her ass roll along the top sink. His hand grasped tightly at her skin as he could sense his own orgasm approach. He kept up his rough pace until he could feel her thighs trembling around him. She was squeezing him, alerting him that she was close “Dalton” Y/N cried out.

Her walls pulsate around him as his rhythm becomes more and more desperate. The overstimulation of his fingers on her clit and his cock inside of her became too much, and she finally reached her release. Y/N felt a wave of electricity hit her as her body jerked against him. This made him lean his head forward and rested it on her shoulder, his hot breath hitting her skin as he mumbled a mixture of swears and moans. It didn’t take long for his orgasm to get him, his thrusts became sloppier and his breathing a lot heavier and uneven.

“Shit” He rasped out, leaving her clit and wrapping his arms around her waist, only thrusting a few more times until he felt his cum spill into the condom. After their orgasms ended, he pulled out of her. She met his eyes again and studied his face, noticing the lipstick marks all over his face and neck.

She giggled and ran her thumb over the stained marks “We have to clean up” She said, before pulling him in for a kiss. They cleaned up and fixed their hair and clothes before coming out, but Y/N felt like she was forgetting something “Dalton…” She started, but stopped when she spotted her underwear hanging from his back pocket. Y/N softly hit his back and grabbed her own panties “Why do you have these on your pocked?”

“I didn’t want them to touch the dirty bathroom floor, did you?” He asked, raising his eyebrows. She rolled his eyes at him and quickly put them on “Come on, let’s find Chris before she finds us”

#dalton lambert #dalton lambert x reader #dalton lambert fic #dalton lambert imagine #dalton lambert fanfic #dalton lambert smut #dalton lambert imagines #dalton lambert fluff #insidious #insidious the red door #insidious 5 #ty simpkins

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sleepyowlwrites · 10 months

Text

hey, rioters and gentlefolk, a thought.

so the reason I dislike all those "you should be writing" posts and always scroll past them with an eyeroll is that I fundamentally disagree. mostly. if you write fulltime and it's your job then yeah, probably you should be doing that over just scrolling, but most of us here in the writer's-tumble-down-wip-mountain-blr are doing it as a hobby, for FUN, because we enjoy it. yes?

my dad's main hobby right now is building lego kits of various planes and other vehicles. he enjoys it. but if he's scrolling on whatever site he frequents instead of doing that, he's not in the wrong. he doesn't need to devote a certain amount of time every day to building part of a new lego sculpture. it's a hobby. he can do it when he wants to.

so like, when I'm off work, sometimes I like to write, because it's my hobby and I enjoy it, but sometimes I like to do many other things that are also for fun, because I enjoy them as well. and I don't consider it lost time or a waste of that fun just because I wasn't participating in my MAIN hobby.

there are a select few of us to whom those posts apply, and even then they're on thin ice. I don't think we have to scold ourselves publicly - even as a joke - for not partaking in this fun thing we all do at all free hours of our lives.

and I realize I'm posting this on my writeblr, on my blog supposedly dedicated to my writing. I also think it would be beneficial for me to offer myself some more structure and follow-through on my projects, just for my own contentment and brain function.

I feel like we can all too often slip into perpetuating this cycle of yelling at ourselves for not keeping up with our writing, as if this hobby we choose to do willingly is screaming back at us from the closet we've shut it in. it may seem all in good fun. but sometimes it isn't. sometimes we're letting ourselves feel discouraged for no good reason, because again, this is for fun. we do this for fun. right?

so if you see this, sure, you could be writing. but there are no great powers up on top of the wip mountains ready to strike you with lightning if you're not. be kind to yourself, even your writing self.

please. <3

#sleepy says #writeblr #writeblr community

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zaptrap · 4 months

Note

Seeing that you've been here since 2012 is INSANE like you've witnessed it all huh. You've seen probably SO many weird and crazy things in this fandom like man that's so cool for you I feel...

ive def seen and participated in a lot of dumbass bullshit over the years LMAO. although notsomuch during the skybound-to-seabound era cuz i'd lost interest for a bit

Random shit I remember off the top of my head (plz feel free to fact-check):

deviantart era: (2012-2013)

that bright green ninjago ask meme

like, literally everybody making self-insert purple ninjas (sometimes orange, teal, or rainbow) and shipping them with their fav ninja

everyone making their own genderbends of the ninja. cole was almost always called nicole or colette lmao

people also naming their accounts (name)-the-ninja (or "teh-ninja", since this was 2012)

there's a non-zero probability that if you were in the fandom during the season 1 era, you're a furry now

naruto crossovers

half-snake ninja aus.........wonder who uh......who could've done that.....heheh (me) (that was my whole deal pre-nindroid!jay lmfao)

everyone posting like, doll-maker things they made of ninjago? especially dragon ones

(me) posting leaked screenshots of season 2 eps that i found on the lego wiki or smth lmao. this is also how i found out zane was a robot. i think i kept posting leaks when i moved to tumblr

legends of chima releasing and i thiiink it was supposed to be a ninjago replacement? like, legitimately? though a lot of people weren't happy about it. "furry gang drug wars" was a phrase used a lot lmfao.

tumblr era (2013-2016 for me) (may overlap with dA era)

everyone losing their minds over the shirtless ninja in ns2 lmfao

that one video of kirby marrow (rest in peace) saying cole was 14

that other vid of like, behind the scenes and it was the ninja's actors but like in-universe? it's where "cole bucket" comes from

also some behind the scenes vid with the actual voice actors lol

thinking back on this, im like 100% sure it was bullshit but when the end of rebooted aired, there was a rumor going around about fans being so upset over zane's death that they carved a snowflake on their stomachs. lots of people were freaking out lmfao

the rise and fall of "fucknoshittyninjagoOCs" (ashamed to say i heavily participated in harassing this blog even if i rlly didnt like the premise.........)

maypong

lots of tension with instagram cuz of all the art reposts. like. tons of reposts. i remember someone blocked me when i said to take something down but then unblocked me the same evening and apologized LOL so

roleplay twitter accounts (twitter was kinda not-as-a lot at the time)

nindroid!jay of course. its so old there was an update that was made in flash lmfao...

absolute fucking shitloads of AUs and headcanons. i dont think this has changed much but like. there were so many lmfao. entire threads

actually there's too many fucking AUs. im scrolling through my main blog and i cant fuckin find anything cuz ITS ALL THESE STUPID AU THREADS THEY AREN'T EVEN LIKE DEEP LMAO

ask-all-the-ninjagians

the absurd screenshot redraws i did. like they were super stupid lmfao. icr which blog they're on but they're on my comp still at least

ninjagians just. being a term used at all lmao

the ninjago fan-tournament during ns4. people would draw/write about their ocs doing whatever prompt was posted and then everyone came together to defeat a big bad snake man

tbh i started naturally losing interest during ns5, and then VERY QUICKLY dropped the show (and therefore fandom) when skybound came out lmao............... so i dont really remember a lot from this era and everything after

and now im back :D

i hope this is insightful! xD

#ninjago #talking #asks

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emilykaldwen · 1 month

Note

"Blocking isn't some personal insult. Its a method of saying; hey, we clearly shouldn't interact, so I'm gonna build this soundproof wall between us to make sure we can't."

Except that's not what the people you associate with do and encourage you and others to do by extension. I really liked your writing, but it's disappointing to see the type of people you've chosen to buddy up to, who use blocking as a way to weaponize social media and make pariahs out of certain people in the fandom who don't bow to their whims. I hope they don't burn you the way they've burned so many others, but with their track record, I'm not holding my breath.

Okay let's do this. I'm tired. I would like to go back to sleep. Get off my lawn, etc etc.

I have been dealing with anons harassing me since I started posting HotD stuff back during the Season 1 show run. I got hateful anons saying terrible things about Abby back in December. When I interacted with NONE of the people that I currently interact with today. This escalated when I properly began posting Maiden in the summer of last year, and then escalated in the fall. After receiving some truly foul anons in regards to my writing, my OC, and my work, including one telling me to kill myself, I shut anons off. Because what the actual fuck. I have been on the internet for 25 fucking years and this is the first time I have EVER dealt with such bullshit.

Before these anons ramped up, I, like many people, blocked. A lot. I blocked mostly people thirst reblogging stuff about the actors that would cross my dash or in the tags because it made me uncomfortable, I didn't want to see it. I blocked a lot of blogs that were posting these weird reader x canon character thirst lists that I just found bizarre and didn't want to see scrolling through a character tag. That, friends, is what the block button is for. I block people with takes that I disagree with as well, I'm someone whose pretty liberal with my block button. I block things I don't want to see on my dash. It's honestly as simple as that.

No one has fucking told me to block anyone. I am actually deeply fucking insulted that I, a grown ass adult who is nearly forty, needs to be told to block someone/someones when people are setting up blogs called 'ihateemilykaldwens' and trying to terrorize me, and my friends and mutuals, and then try to frame another one of my mutuals for being responsible for it in the process. I only just recently started speaking with "the individuals" I've chosen to associate with long after I have blocked the people you're saying are being bullied.

And if this is about my post the other day about the culture I see: It was never actually about anyone specific, it was genuinely trends I have seen cross my dash as well as discussions with friends in other fandoms. That's all. If someone(s) thought I was talking about them specifically: Dude, IDK what to tell you. That's a you problem.

So let's stop playing coy. I'm tired of it.

THIS. IS. A SMALL. BLOG. I do not pass a block list around and TELL people or encourage them to block them, nor have I ever have it done to me. And even IF someone said 'omg you should block all these people' uh, no? I have free will and can make my own judgements?

Anon, if this situation is upsetting to you, either come off anon in the DMs and talk to me, or you are welcome to unfollow me. I don't care, and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Because the people I've blocked on my own make others feel the way you're claiming they make you feel.

Because we all know who everyone is talking about. And I'm done. This is 12 year old behavior and I don't interact with minors.

I'm going back to bed. Whatever is in the fucking water, I want none of it.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

Note

AITA for inquiring after a blog that got deleted?

This happened several months ago and my friends have told me that I wasn't in the wrong, but my stupid anxiety keeps bringing it up and saying actually they only told me that because they like me. Maybe the judgement of strangers will finally get my brain to put it to rest. Repliers, please use she/her pronouns only for me, I don't like being called by they/them.

I'm keeping this vague to respect the privacy of the others involved; if you somehow recognize the situation, please do not give further details. Feel free to ask for clarification if something is confusing, but I will not be providing additional information like what fandom it was as I believe that would just risk revealing who was involved, and I can't think of any additional info that would affect someone's judgement of what I did. I would like judgement of what I did without risking violating anyone else involved's privacy. Also, sorry this is so long. It's the ADHD. I hate it too.

I'm relating the dms involved as closely as I can, but they won't be word-for-word.

I follow several roleplay blogs in the same fandom. One day I noticed one that I particularly liked seemed to have been deleted. I wasn't sure if they'd made a goodbye post I didn't see before deleting or something, so I made a post asking if anyone knew if something had happened with their mod, as it seemed to come out of nowhere to me. No one ever interacted with this post, but I have no way of knowing if people saw it.

I messaged a blog that I had seen interact with them a lot asking something like "hey, do you know if something happened with [blog]'s mod? I noticed they had deleted and was wondering if something happened." They replied with the single word "no" and I thanked them and apologized for bothering them. This one word was the only thing they ever said to me. I took this to mean that they didn't know if anything had happened, but didn't try to investigate further. I was vaguely concerned that they seemed to have suddenly disappeared without anyone knowing, but it wasn't my place to try and dig things up.

A couple days later I was scrolling back through a different blog and I noticed an old post they'd reblogged from the person who deleted's sideblog, and the sideblog had also been deleted. I sent a dm asking something like "Hey, I noticed [blog] and [sideblog] were both deleted, and was wondering if you knew if the mod was alright" and received a response just saying that no one wanted to make what happened public, least of all the mod. I thanked them for responding, apologized for prying, and said I hoped things were alright, then deleted my post asking if anyone knew what had happened, so that people couldn't stumble on it, get curious, and try and pry themselves.

Very shortly after, I received an anonymous ask scolding me for prying into the mod's business when they wanted things kept quiet and continuing after being told no. I posted the anon and explained that I hadn't meant to pry - just was wondering if things were okay - and that I must have misinterpreted that first "no", apologized if I'd made anyone uncomfortable, and made it clear I would absolutely not ask further. That was the end of it, at least as far as I know.

I think I might be the asshole because: I didn't know the mod, we'd never talked beyond their answering some of my asks, but I asked people about them anyways. I was genuinely wondering if they were okay and was careful not to ask what happened, but I know I can have trouble finding the line between normal and nosy, and maybe messaging two people was too far, even if the first person seemed to not know anything.

I think I might not be the asshole because: I wasn't asking for details on what happened, I was just wondering if they were okay or if I'd missed a goodbye post, and backed off immediately after being told it was private. I don't think it's really my fault that I misinterpreted the first person saying "no" to me asking if they knew if something had happened, since I thought they were literally answering my question.

Again, please do not try to figure out who was involved in this if you think you recognize it; I just want my brain to stop turning this damn situation over and over and maybe having strangers judge it will do that.

So. AITA for asking after someone who deleted their roleplay blog?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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navybrat817 · 2 years

Text

Somewhere I Belong

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Artist!Female Reader Summary: When your insecurities get the best of you, Bucky tells you what you need to hear. Word Count: Almost 1.9k Warnings: Angst, angst with a happy ending, feels, insecurities, crying, established relationship, Bucky Barnes (he’s a warning, okay?) A/N: Hey, lovelies! This fic is very personal to me as some of the things discussed are things that I have felt. If you read this and you have as well, I hope you feel seen and know that you matter. Beta read by the beautiful @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog, but any and all mistakes are my own. Banners by the talented @maysdigitalarts Moodboard by the incredible @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Please reblog or comment as it means the world!

Focus on the good.

Setting the paintbrush down, a frown crossed your face as you began to do the exact opposite. It wasn’t that you didn’t paint the ocean well. It was beautiful because you created it. Therefore, there was nothing wrong with it in your eyes. It still didn’t stop you from trying to pick it apart. Especially since you ended up painting dark, crashing waves instead of the peaceful ocean you intended.

Gotta go where the muse takes me. Maybe one day I won’t be my worst critic.

You forced yourself to take one step back and then another as you worked your way toward your phone. The nagging voice in your mind whispered, “Don’t do it!” as you picked it up and opened one of your social apps. Like an addict trying to satisfy a craving, your finger swiped mindlessly along the screen. And the longer you kept at it, the more empty you began to feel with each passing image and text.

It wasn’t that you meant to be insecure. You were merely human. Naturally, there would be days where you felt out of sorts. Lately, it was more than that each time you looked at a photo or post. It was as if every word out of your mouth went unheard when you decided to share. Where you used to be a shining light, you were now a shadow that people scrolled by to look at others. A forgotten outline that would fade once the sun went down.

Shut it off.

You sniffled as you tucked your phone in your purse. You supposed you should have been used to the irrational insecurities by now. Of couse, there were going to be times when you went days or weeks without talking to a few loved ones. And it wasn’t a slight against you if they talked to others during that time. If only that negative voice would stop nagging you.

Do I not have a place here anymore?

Looking at your painting one last time, you knew you had to get out of your apartment. If only to breathe in the fresh air and get a change of scenery. It wasn’t just that. There was someone you needed to see. Someone who could cut through your mind when it got too loud.

The love of your life.

Bucky.

He planned to work some more on his boat at the marina today. He enjoyed working with his hands and the water brought him a sense of calm when his own mind felt clouded. Your boyfriend had been through hell and back. Not only had he fought in wars, he had his very head scrambled and erased. Monsters turned him into a weapon but, after many trials and tribulations, he was free.

Now he has me.

Each time you soothed him after a nightmare was like a wake-up call that he had it worse and you should be thankful for what you had. It wasn’t fair for him to shoulder the burden of your insecurities, especially when yours were so small in comparison. He didn’t like you thinking that way. The ups and downs of life weren’t meant to be a competition. The feelings you experienced were valid, no matter how small.

It wasn’t long before you arrived at the marina, your footsteps soft as you walked across the deck. There was a good chance Bucky heard you anyway, the closer you got to his boat. The experiments forced upon him during the war and his captivity enchanced some of his senses and reflexes, which included his hearing. That meant he could also hear your pounding heart as you did your best not to have a complete breakdown.

You adjusted the strap on your shoulder as you stopped to admire him. Your boyfriend, to put it simply, was built like a brickhouse. Over 6 feet tall, his biceps strained against the fabric of his blue henley. The shirt matched both his eyes and some of the calm water nearby. His brows pinched in concentration as he used the pliers against one of the pipes, a sense of pride filled you as you watched him at work. The sun beat down on him, but there wasn’t a drop of sweat in sight as he set the tool down. You longed to run your fingers through his short, dark hair to ground you.

Stop gawking.

Tears swam in your eyes the moment Bucky flashed a smile your way. The moment he noticed, his smile slipped away. In the blink of an eye, he hoisted himself over the side of the boat and landed silently on the deck. The man had the agility of a cat and the very thought of how amazing he was had you blubbering as he rushed over.

“Who am I killing, Beauty?” Bucky asked as he ran his hands along your arms. For as strong as he was, his touch was featherlight against your skin. And the nickname almost made your lips curl in a smile. “Give me a name.”

The question was so ridiculous that you began to laugh a little through the tears, your chest shaking as it bubbled up. The truth was, he probably would kill someone if they hurt you. You would never force more blood to stain his hands. “No one. It’s just me. It’s nothing.”

“It isn’t nothing if you’re crying.”

How could you tell the man who had his mind messed with that you didn’t want him to forget about you, like you felt so many others had? “I just wanted a reminder that I matter to someone.”

The corners of his mouth shifted downward as he slipped his arms around you, your lower lip quivering as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. That always centered you. “Oh, doll. You matter. You matter to so many people.”

“So why do I feel like I don’t belong anymore? Why do I feel like I don’t matter? Should I even bother doing what I do?”

“You want to know what I think or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?”

“What you think, please,” you begged. He didn’t need to placate you or your feelings.

“Okay, but I know you don’t want to hear this,” he began, taking a slow, deep breath as his hands glided along your back. “I think, lately, you’ve been basing your sense of self-worth on the approval of others.”

You flinched in his hold like he struck you. “I-I don’t. I haven’t,” you argued, but your words held no substance.

“You haven’t? How many times have I told you to put your phone down after you’ve shared one of your paintings and you didn’t get the feedback you expected? And how many times have you asked me what’s ‘wrong’ with what you created because of that?”

Examining your feelings as he pulled you closer, he brought up a good point. When you didn’t receive the feedback you wanted on your art, it hurt. If your friends or “cheerleaders” in life faded, you felt as if you did something wrong. But Bucky was your constant, the opposite of the hurt you let fester inside.

“God, I’m pathetic,” you whimpered, squeezing your eyes shut. You were too embarrassed to look at him.

“Hey, look at me,” he urged, bringing his hands to your face. It took a second for you to open your eyes, searching his face for a look of pity. It wasn’t there. “You are not pathetic. It isn’t pathetic to want validation. But if you’re doing something at the expense of your happiness and wellbeing, you need to ask yourself why you’re doing it in the first place.”

“I love art. I love what I do. That matters to me.”

Your voice was thick with emotion, but the weight on your chest began to slowly lift away. You loved creating and expressing yourself. That was why you began to do it in the first place. Did you lose yourself along the way or was the void in your life different now?

“And that’s what matters to me. That you’re doing something you love,” he swore, his thumbs wiping the salty tears from your cheeks. “I just don’t want it to make you feel this way.”

You nodded in understanding. “Neither do I,” you said. Maybe re-evaluating your priorities could be part of the key. And, of course, remembering the roots of your passion. “And the sense of belonging?”

“It’s your mind convincing you that you don’t when it’s the furthest thing from the truth,” he said, swallowing as he brushed away another tear. “You’d be amazed how many people you care about feel the same way.”

“Like you?”

He shook his head, as if he sensed that you were deflecting. “This isn’t about me.”

“Bucky, do you have any idea how much you matter? The impact you’ve made on people around you? You’re a hero. You have no idea. And no matter what, you’ll always have a place with me.”

He smiled as your eyes widened. You certainly weren’t a hero, but you had a place because you belonged with him. “Did I just see the lightbulb go off in your head?”

“Shut up,” you broke into a grin as you playfully shoved at his chest. He didn’t even budge.

“It’s true though. Those days when my thoughts are too much? I look to you and the beauty you’ve put out there. It has done more for me than you can imagine,” he explained as your eyes welled up again. You gave him a gift without even knowing. “Maybe I need to do a better job expressing that.”

“You don’t,” you assured him, rubbing his arms this time. “I need to stop overthinking.”

“I like it when you think. And I like that you trust a crazy old man like me to give you advice,” he winked, brushing his lips against yours in a soft kiss. “How are you feeling?”

“Not completely okay, but better than I felt before I got here.”

“Let’s make a deal,” he suggested.

“Shoot.”

“You shut your phone off for the rest of the afternoon and I’ll take you for a ride. Just let this be for now. If you want to talk more about it, we can. If not, we’ll just enjoy the view and each other’s company. Can you do that?”

You nodded, letting him pluck your phone from your purse to turn it off.

“And if you’re really good, I’ll let you take an extra ride,” he winked.

“Smooth, Bucky, and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

He snuck in another chaste kiss as he took your hand in his. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you whispered, allowing him to pull you toward the boat.

Some people passed so swiftly through your life that you wondered if you ever made any kind of impact. You weren’t a perfect person. Everyone was bound to make mistakes. The people who were meant to stick around would. Even the ones who didn’t were still in a chapter of your life for a reason.

Today, you didn’t need validation. Because you mattered to the man who stole your heart. You found somewhere to belong. And that was more than enough to finally quiet the voice in your head.

*****

Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

#navybrat writes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x artist!reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes au #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan x you

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mariadotcom · 8 months

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pennhurst - the start of going down (P. I)

hey guys, it's been a while since we last had some (or nay) interactions but life have been getting crazier by the second. i apologize since i left the blog untethered and filling with spiders and moths, but i'm (partially) back and hope you like this little romance, thrilling horror or something i've been working on on my free time. if not, dm me and i'll hear ya! xo maria

prompt: y/n is an immigrant from south america, she owns a bodyshop and there's where she meets sam and colby. as the friendship between them blossoms, other things arise as well, perhaps some of them should've remain buried. ghosts from the past, a difficult romance and a carrousel of ups and downs between them form a storm - but the living aren't the problem alone amidst this tempestuous story. WARNINGS: none, i guess. but strong language, NOT for minors, and i am a mess so god knows - and popular demand tells - when will i post the following chapter.

we promised we'd be back in full blast but not to exaggerate much and get ourselves - especially colby - hurt. since chemo ended, he's been more active and i, as friend who's been there through good and bad, think he deserves a time doing what he loves, performing his job oh so gracefully.

usually, i'm off-screen and i'm glad about it - helping the boys carring their stuff around and exploring places with friends on my days-off. this time around the only differencial would be colby's health on watch; sam was being careful and watching over him more than any of us would, despite that being expected. although something was off, i could feel it. the way colby would glare at people sometimes, with tears in his eyes. he'd be saying the most deep and thoughtful shit, but usually was hitting harder. "say what you feel to the ones you love, y/n" he'd say and i'd anwer "i love you, colby. it's never enough how much...". we met when they moved to Vegas at a bodyshop i own. they trusted their cars with me and we ended up bonding and becoming friends, colby was more standoffish at first but he came around once he learned that i was to be trusted - at least a bit.

the cancer news hit us all like a brick to the head, a cold rush of familiarity through my veins. it was all so new yet so similar. gladly, the treatment and the operation were enough, and he was never alone. not a single second. sam was alway there for him and so was i, whenever they chimed me in. anyways, on the welcome-back trip, sam thought a trip would do him good whereas i thought an exploration would serve better. combining both, for colby, was the greatest so that's what we did. sam chose the location through some people he met along the way of the chanel, i was so excited to finally know the spot i barely focused on colby and what was he saying.

"....then we could try to explore the place ourselves. what you think, y/n?" he said while scrolling through his phone. it wasn't sam and colby's first visit there, but it was mine and they wanted me to have a good time and full immersive experience. "huh?" i questioned "this whole thing is about YOU, colbert. you should be the one 'thinking' of something."

"yeah, yeah. i just want to make sure we all have fun, you know?" his pale blue eyes stared at me for a second and, as usual, i stared back. i couldn't get enough. "y/n?" he called.

"sure, colby. i'll do whatever you want me to..." i stated focusing on the pile of e-mails stacking in my inbox.

"isn't it time for you to take a vacation? some time off?" colby asked seeing how busy and overwhelmed i was. i sighned, he moved from one couch to another to sit closer. "c'mon you could stay some time with us, ditch the company for a few days..."

i cut him off before he could finish his line of thought "colby, you know i can't. the company is expanding.... i need to focus" i rolled my eyes and rested my head upon his shoulder. we watched as sam entered the room, sweaty shirt signaling he just came back from the gym "hello, lovebirds," he said jokinlgy "what are we discussing?"

"how y/n should get a few weeks of vacation" colby gently backed up, laying my head on the couch as he stood up to greet sam and the grocery bags i just now realize he had been holding for a while. "you're obviously in need of some of it, y/n. why don't we make this trip a bit longer so you can take AT LEAST a few days more to reset?" sam suggested.

"but i...." "you can't run no company if you're worn out, dude" sam cut me. "besides, it is YOURS. you're the boss! c'mon, we'd love to have you for a couple days more, right colby?"

"yeah, besides you still owe me a movie night!" colby stated. it's been months since i've been promising the movie night with thrilling and horror movies, just colby and i, to talk about how he has been feeling lately and other stuff. it's always a pleasure be around such a good friend. [wish we were a bit more than that].

"you know what, you two!" i started with and angry tone, eyes still closed, still laying on their couch. "you're right...." i cooled down. "i need to get some rest. i'll take 3 weeks off and nothing more but please, you both are in charge of me"

"couting now?" colby joked.

"no, robert, couting monday..."

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°\/°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Friday afternoon after my last meeting, i was still rushing around, making sure every inch of the bodyshop was clean, organized, ready for monday morning's routine of receiving and fixing cars and guaranteeing excellence to costumers. my CEO (and godfather, altogether) made sure they'd be fine without me for a couple weeks and he'd only call in emergencies. i was hoping for little to none, but leaving for the first time in years was still frightening.

i saw the old toyota corolla make a corner, if there were a better picture than that, colby's glass were not really dark-stained so i could see through it. he was wearing, shockingly, a dark green shirt, black and green jacket and i could swear i saw someone on the backseat for a split second. knowing him, i'd be either surprised or scared the second i set foot in the car. gathering my stuff from my office quickly, i found my old devotion notebook. i remembered that work has been draining me so much i forgot i am too a sensitive religious person - but not the convetional one. the door was pushed and the fragrance that followed screamed his name, i didn't even had to turn around to recornize him but his words affirmed what i thought. "are we going?" colby questioned. "mhmm" i replied. "let me just check my e-mails one last time...."

"oh fuck no!" colby shouted, running around the table and taking the laptop from me. he then locked it inside a drawer and kept the keys. "i'll give it back to you in a week or two, when we're far away from this office." he said firmly.

after a moment of silence, he said "you deserve this...." "hey! we're traveling! it'll be fun! plus, your family can handle everything else."

"and we'll call if we can't." my godfather/uncle Victor entered the room, his arms crossing in front of him once he stopped beside colby. them both being tall made a shadow fawn over me, intimidating a little. "we will miss you, but you haven't stop since forever. get some rest, kiddo" my uncle Victor said. "and you make sure she stays alright! i'll need her back!" he warned colby.

"sure thing, sir! i'll bring her back in one piece in maybe 3 weeks." colby said gathering my stuff and pulling me to the car. "maybe? it's a definitely, gentleman." Victor said. we both giggled making our way to his car.

"every time i come around to pick you up, i feel like we're 16" colby joked as i looked around in the car. [who the fuck was inside]. he arched an eyebrown confused to as why was i snooping around. "yo, you good?" he asked. i shaked my head 'yes' but there was some sinking feeling something was off.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°\/°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° the flight was scheduled to sunday morning, this way we'd be in pennsylvania by noon or so. it was still saturday morning when the first nightmare hit, it was still dark outside and the guest room in sam and colby's place felt degrees colder than usual. i guess it was so intense i screamed and sam woke me up, worried. colby followed him suit behind with flustered cheeks and heavy eyes.

"what's wrong?" sam asked, sitting in the bed beside me. his weight made the covers safer, calmer. my thoughts coming down from a high as soon as he pressed his warm hand on my forehead to see if i had a fever. "you're not hot or anything...." sam said and colby giggled.

"yeah she's definitely hot, jus not your type, bro." colby corrected and sam's cheeks brigthen up red, you could barely see through the soft and dim yellow light from the tiny lamp that stood beside the bed. "you know i don't mean that...." sam started. "you're... you're pretty hot you know. i'd rather say beautiful but..."

"romeo, i guess she just had a bad dream, right?" colby leaned on the doorframe. his white ripped tee a little too ripped and sam's soft grip on my face slowly became a light caress. "i guess i'll leave juliet to go back to sleep then." sam said giving me a concerned look. "okay?" i nodded.

"i'm sorry" i muttered, my voice coming back to me. "didn't mean to wake you up, guys" sam rolled his eyes and lightly pinched my cheeks. "stop being a dumbass..." he said getting up and making his way out. "i'll be in my room. if you need anything, CALL! don't scream. you scared the shit out of me" sam said as he made his way to his bedroom.

it was colby's turn to say something. do something. but instead, he just stood there, leaning against the door while i sat on the bed, still processing what was the nightmare about. only flashes flooding my memories, little by little. drowning my thoughts. "can i come in?" he finally asked after what felt like forever in silence. "mhmmm" i hummed.

different from sam, colby was more straight forward with whatever he wanted. this being said, it wasn't hard to agree that he, in fact, went under covers and laid beside me. "robert, what are you doing? are you insane?" i coiled beside him. my dressing wasn't very modest to welcome him in bed with me as i was using a big tee and panties. "as if i never laid next to another woman. get off yourself" he complained.

i sneakily grabbed my pajama shorts from my side of the bed and put them in under the blankets, by this time, colby had rolled over. his face turn to me but his eyes closed - perhaps privacy or just him trying to fall back asleep. i facepalmed breathing loudly trying to erase the feeling of uneasyness from my body after the terrible dream, but colby's hand on my tight and his firm grip startled me a bit. "c'mon, lay down. it's 2:30 in the morning... i'll stay here with you" he muffled in the pillows. "c'mooooooon" colby whined.

"i just...it was so vivid, you know.... these buildings, the feeling i got...." i started but my as soon as i did, my heart went racing. colby sat, his eyes barely opening, one arm around me and the other caressing my leg. "are you okay?" he asked, his hand moving upwards trying to soothe me. "sometimes reals can feel so real, right? but don't stress over it too much, i'll stay here." he said calmly. "maybe we can call sam and...."

"ugh you're such a whore, brock" i laughed as i laid in bed, him doing the same. "thanks, by the way..." he raised an eyebrown, eyes fast closed. "for the what?"

"for staying."

°°°°°°°°\/°°°°°°°°

the day went smoothly and sunday noon was approaching. pennsylvania sounded near althought a 6 hour flight separated the two states and increased in a rapid speed our hunger. i slept through most of it since the nightmares became a thing over the weekend - minus the screaming, thankfully - and sam became my personal caressing pillow. his soft words, as soft as his hands, lulled me to sleep seconds into the flight. colby was an aisle down to us and never stopped chatting with the pretty petite blonde girl sat next to him, when i finally woke, they seemed more acquainted then when the flight was getting ready to take off.

"they kissed" sam filled me in, first thing when i woke. "wow, really?" "mhmm, colby's like that now" he said turning a page from a book he was reading. "yeah i guess he always had been, but it's more of a show off about it now" i replied adjusting my messy cruly hair. "i'm glad i'll always have you, never normal sam" joking, i said. he just elbowed me lightly, giving the most warm upside down smile.

"how are you?" i asked noticing he'd been refusing to look at the notifications on his phone. he just glared. "i mean, this number must belong to SOMEONE. won't you answer?" sam sighed. "it's kat. we.... i...." his words started to crample together but luckily the pilot interrupted him with the announcement of landing. both of us releasing the air inside our lungs we weren't aware we'd been holding. "hey... i know it must be hard. i'm always here to hear you.... and maybe crack joke about it though." i reaffirmed. sam held my hand and gave it a caring kiss, leaving it as a thank you note with everything he wanted to say but couldn't right now.

the plane landed, we got our bags. sam and colby rented a car and decided this could make a video: traveling with friends, living the now, doing what they like and going old fashion - no hardwire equipments, no electronics by the dozens, no mediatic pressure and no place for nothing but good times. it came late, but it didn't fail. colby surprised sam and i at the restaurant. we were peacefully eating like dinosaurs when a pair of hands gripped sam's shoulder tight - not enough to hurt him, but enough to have him startled. sam and colby's friend, nate, stood behind sam and i while we ate.

nate is a cool guy, very chill and funny. he's always down to whatever the boys propose him to, thus incouraging me to do the same. although we have a good time together, sometimes and only sometimes, i have a glipmse of myself and feel a little unconscious. the many women approaching them - being for fame, recognition, looks or whatever - are gorgeous, the kind of girl you'd see on tampon commercials or maybe a lame movie with only hot chicks using ridiculous clothes to perform complex tasks. i'm just normal and - for a while - it's good being average, but oh boy, how i wish i was....

"hey, gorgeous!" nate complimented me as he plopped on the empty chair beside me. "how have you been, girl?" he sassed. i rolled my eyes, smile growing wider. "i've been good, nataniel." i teased back.

"what's with you and names?" colby asked downing a bit of his drinks. he had a halfway fresh oranje juice glass that i insisted he'd take instead of whatever processed shit he'd prefer. "you see, COLBERT," i emphasized before continuing, earning everyone's smile "it's funnier that way. plus, i get to tease you all about fictional names that suit you fine" i gulped my juice myself.

"well, we should think about a nickname for you to call it your own, then" nate threw his arms around my chair and said, leaning over a bit. "maybe we should call you...." as soon as nate was forming a thought, sam's phone rang. it was the person responsible for our tour and stay, so we went quieter so sam could figure whatever out. we couldn't help ourselves to kick one another under the table and whisper sweet nothings to each other while making dramatically silly faces - or copy whatever sam was saying in a husk tone, just to ease up the mood. "yeah, sure. i guess it'll be a great idea!" sam said. "i guess we can share some rooms, there's no problem with it...." finally, we fell dead silent to hear what he was saying and when sam noticed, he put them on speaker.

"i'm sure you can all share, but wouldn't it be fun if you got separate rooms?!" the person on the other end asked with a malice in their voice. you could tell it was a sllightly older man and if it wasn't from previous experience, you barely couldn't differ the amount of cigarretes he'd smoken before. "i mean, it's a haunt tour but we have buildings able to accomodate you 3 perfectly nice, and the area is still new to renovations so you guys could do some recording if you'd like"

"actually, josh, we are in a group of 4 now. a friend decided to join us, is that an issue?" sam asked. "not at all, sam! we love to have you and any friend of yours as guests! is colby coming?" the man asked "surely he is!" colby answered affirming he was part of the group listening. "well, then it'll be awesome having you guys!" "it'll be awesome staying with you, josh! see you in a bit" sam hushed and ended the call.

"well, i hope you're in for a ride," sam said. "we have the place to ourselves and...." "yeah, but where is the place? WHAT is the place?" nate asked, finally tackling our doubts. "we're going to pennhurst asylum."

author's notes: thoughts? call the roaches and complain. (kidding, leave it here under NOTES or message me)

#colby brock #colby brock smut #colby brock fanfic #sam and colby imagine #sam and colby #snc #sam golbach #sam golbach fanfic #xplr club #xplr

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