Rewriting the Gaang in LOK

Basically how I would have written the adult Gaang. Pretend the comics as they are don't exist.

Katara: Breaks up with Aang sometime post-finale to do some soul-searching. Travels the world on her own and sees how people are struggling after the war. After talking (beating) some sense into a few government officials, she realizes that the best way to help people post-war is through politics. She becomes an (unofficial) ambassador, helping and negotiating aid for small villages that tend to get overlooked and does this for a number of years. She joins up with Zuko and Aang after they found the United Republic of Nations and becomes Councilwoman Katara, representative of the Southern Water Tribe. She eventually gets voted chairwoman due to her passion to improve the lives of the citizens (and because her fellow council members are too scared to vote against her). She heals on the side when she needs to, but only out of obligation since she can't stand to see people suffer; she puts much more effort into getting raising funds for a hospital full of healers. A few years later, Haru moves to Republic City and is just as awestruck by her as he was the day they met (the pornstache has been removed by divine intervention). They meet up a couple of times; for drinks after work, walks around the city, and they even attend a few galas together. They eventually start dating and get married two years later. They have their first daughter Kya (who's an earthbender), a son- Tyro (who's a nonbender), and another daughter Suma (who's a waterbender). They live a happy, peaceful (if you could call Katara stopping the occasional criminal before the police peaceful) life together where their children are well-loved and as part of the Southern Water Tribe as they are the Earth Kingdom. Aang's death hits their family hard, but they all come together and support each other. Katara personally mentors Korra, even convincing her family move to Republic City so that the Avatar knows the people she's meant to protect (the White Lotus protests, they fail❤️). She teaches Korra Waterbending, but also teaches her empathy and appreciation for other cultures (and that sometimes, selfish world leaders need a good punch to the face, a lesson Korra took to heart even though she absolutely wasn't supposed to see it).

Aang: Is torn up after Katara breaks up with him. He's hurt and confused and doesn't know what to do with himself. He retreats to Ba Sing Se where he talks with Iroh and learns that he unfairly pushed his feelings onto Katara. Wracked with guilt at hurting someone he cares about so much, Aang realizes that he has a lot of growing up to do. He focuses on his job as the Avatar, working closely with Zuko, Kuei, and the other leaders to heal the world after the war. The first time he sees Katara again is when she arrives to help with the United Republic of Nations. He apologizes to her and Katara forgives him, promising they'll always be best friends. His role in Republic City is more or less the same, though at some point he develops feelings for Toph. But he fears doing to her what he had done to Katara, so he tries to ignore them. But Toph, never one to beat around the bush, point-blank asks him if he's ever gonna man-up and confess to her. They start dating, and Lin comes a few months later as a surprise. They have their hiccups- Aang especially needing to reconcile with the fact that there's a chance she might not be an Airbender- but they manage to resolve them. Lin is an Earthender, of course, but Aang loves his little girl to pieces (which is good, because Toph would kill him if she suspected otherwise). Tenzin is born three years later, an Airbender, and Su Yin is born two years after that as an Earthbender. Lastly there's Bumi, a nonbender. There's always the urge to favor Tenzin, but Aang knows he can't. They're all his children and they deserve to be treated as such. So he teaches them all about their culture, takes them all on trips. The kids fight, but Aang is always quick to help resolve it (as it turns out, getting Lin and Su to stop fighting is a lot harder than getting the four nations to get along, go figure). Aang loves his wife and kids and wouldn't trade any of them for the world. He dies peacefully at age 66, surrounded by his children and the love of his life.

Sokka: Fucking hates politics. He'll leave the negotiating and speeches to his sister, thank you very much. If the room of government officials isn't a war room, he wants no part in it. After the war, he spends most of his time in the Southern Water Tribe. He works with his father to rebuild and relearn their culture, and writes frequent letters to his sister. Though, something about his life in the south is unfulfilling. Maybe he misses Suki, but there's something about inventing that calls to him. He can't do much of that in the south pole, so he leaves for the Earth Kingdom, helping villages struggling with heat, agriculture, transportation, etc. In the United Republic of Nations, he becomes lead engineer of the city, utilizing bending to make quick technological advances. He and Suki reunite in Republic City where Suki becomes the police chief. They get back together and have a daughter, Lian. The three of them live a simple life together, until Suki gets gravely injured in the line of duty when Lian is twenty. They decide to retire to the Southern Water Tribe where Sokka takes over for Hakoda as chief and prepares Lian to take over for him.

Toph: When Toph hears that Twinkle Toes and Sparky finally started that fancy new city, she thinks it's the perfect opportunity to cause a little chaos. Closing her metalbending school, she decides to relive her days as the Blind Bandit by founding pro-bending (thanks @ecoterrorist-katara for the idea!). Zuko's a hater and tries to shut it down because "safety," but finds no help in Aang who really, really loves the idea. He goes to every one of her matches and Toph feels both smug pride and... Something else. But she tells herself it would never happen, Twinkle Toes likes girls like Sugar Queen and she was the furthest thing from that. But she isn't totally oblivious, she can feel his heartbeat pick up when he's around her and how he's started to stutter when he's talking to her. So she bites the bullet and they start happily dating. But the arrival of Lin uncovers issues she didn't even know were there. Lin cries loudly and for Toph who relies heavily on her sense of hearing, it's hell. She was also unprepared for how much her body would change. She finds herself not wanting to be around her daughter. But Aang realizes this and urges her to talk to someone. After some arguing, she does. Aang is attentive, so Toph can take breaks when she needs to and Katara and Suki are always ready to get her out of the house when she's overwhelmed. Things with Lin get better and when Tenzin comes around she doesn't suffer nearly as much. Su Yin is similar. It's hard with Bumi because she's older, but Aang and her friends are there to support her. Toph can be distant with her children- her closely monitored childhood always present in her mind- but sees how Aang can be doting and allow their kids freedom. She follows by his example, trying to find a balance between hovering and absence. Aang's death is the worst day of her life- she was there, she felt his heart stop- and she retreats into the swamp for a while to grieve. But she returns to Republic City when Katara begins to mentor the new Avatar. Not to be outdone by Sugar Queen, she becomes Korra's second teacher. It's hard to be around Korra sometimes, but she likes the girl's spunk and attitude, even if she is a brat.

Zuko: Zuko struggles after the war. The obligations of the Fire Lord are crushing and daunting and the fear of turning into his father feels like it's constantly looming over his head. Mai doesn't understand why he's struggling so much and he can't figure out how to explain it to her, so they break up. She goes to Kyoshi Island to spend time with Ty Lee and figure out what she wants in life. Stressed, burnt-out, and heartbroken, Zuko asks Aang to kill him if he ever starts to act like Ozai, but Aang steadfastly refuses, berating him for even suggesting it. Aang assures him that he'll never turn into his father and that he has his friends to rely on. He follows after Aang to Ba Sing Se, working in his uncle's tea shop as a much needed break. He opens up to Iroh about his fears and Iroh affirms that even having these worries proves that he'll never be Ozai. He spends time in Ba Sing Se working in the tea shop and negotiating with the Earth King when he meets Jin again. She's as carefree as she was back then and Zuko is both envious and in awe of it. But he knows he can't have a relationship with her, he can't burden her with his problems. But Jin is gently persistent, lending an ear when he needs one and assuring him that he isn't burdening her. When she asks him if he wants to be with her, he confesses that he does- more than anything- but also admits that he has no idea how it'll work. She tells him that if they want to be together no one should stop them. A year later, they're married and she's crowned Fire Lady Jin. There are some protests to their relationship from traditionalists, but Ambassador Katara (Zuko is so sure that she was never actually given that title, but he can't prove it) is quick to shut them down citing that the Fire Lord marrying an Earth Kingdom girl is a sign of unity. They have their daughter, Izumi, and she's Zuko's entire world. Zuko's greatest fear is that his children will end up like him and Azula, so he refrains from having more kids. Jin respects this, but urges him to talk to Azula. So he does; his sister curses him out, but seems to enjoy his company in her own way. They'll never have a good relationship, but Zuko doesn't want her to feel alone so he makes time at least once a week. It's shortly after Aang's death that Zuko relinquishes the title of Fire Lord to Izumi, his grief over his lifetime friend far too painful. Eventually, though, Katara and Toph bully him into training the new Avatar. It's not a role for a retired Fire Lord, but Zuko knows that the world needs Korra to be strong and it's his responsibility to make that happen as much as he can. And so, he becomes Avatar Korra's third teacher (if you told him 60 years ago that he'd become the Avatar's most sane instructor, he'd think you were high on cactus juice. But with Katara punching dictators in the face and Toph breaking every rule ever written, someone has to be a good influence).

Occupations if you missed them:

Katara: (Unofficial/Self-proclaimed) Ambassador of the Southern Water Tribe, United Republic of Nations Councilwoman and later Chairwoman, Healer (on the side), Waterbending Master to the Avatar

Aang: Avatar, United Republic of Nations Councilman

Sokka: Engineer and Inventor, Chief of the Southern Water Tribe

Toph: Pro-Bender, Manager of the Pro-Bending Arena, Earthbending Master to the Avatar

Zuko: Fire Lord, Firebending Master to the Avatar

Suki: Police Chief of Republic City (I'm sorry I didn't make a detailed background for her I got lazy, I promise I don't love her any less😭)

Defending my ship choices:

Harutara: Come on, y'all know what I'm about at this point. They're my everything, how could I not have them together? Plus, there's something really poetic about Haru falling for her as an adult the way he did as a teenager: watching her inspire those around her. I headcanon that he's enamoured with the sound of her voice because it's the voice that liberated him and his people and he attends all her speeches

Taang: I actually wasn't sure about this one. I'm not an active Taang shipper, but I do think they'd really balance each other out. Toph is the hard ass Aang needs to challenge him and Aang would bring out the softer side in her. Toph would never let Aang favor one kid over the other and Aang wouldn't let Toph neglect their kids. So looking at it like that, I felt them being together would be best for the story

Sukka: It's not as perfect in canon as people make it out to be, but I still love them. I wouldn't want any different for them

Jinko: This one actually made more sense than I would have thought. Jin is very different from Mai, so I can really see her being what Zuko needs considering where he would be mentally. I like Mai, but I feel Maiko really made her way more one dimensional so her living with Ty Lee and finding herself feels like a better end for her (and if they start dating, that's no one's business). And we've already seen Zuko go out of his way to make Jin happy so it's not like we're getting another Kataang situation. I'm happy with this for them

The Kids:

Yes, I purposely made Kya an Earthbender. And yes, Katara still gives her her mother's necklace. Because that's her firstborn daughter no matter what element she does (or doesn't) bend. One thing I hate is that Bryke made the Kataang kids primarily part of the culture that they bend. That's such a slap in the face to biracial kids, not to mention poor Bumi who doesn't seem to belong to either for some reason until he ends up an Airbender. So yeah, all of the Harutara kids are part of the EK and SWT. Suma is a name I made up because it sounded pretty

I know it's weird to think of Lin and Tenzin as siblings, I felt so odd writing it. But I love them both so I couldn't just not write them. I made Bumi the youngest so he could be spoiled because he deserved better in canon. Su and Lin have a better relationship, but they still butt heads because they feel the need to one-up each other due to them both being Earthbenders (and later Metalbenders). Lin still becomes a cop, but their big fight never happened because Su was never neglected to the point of becoming a criminal. All four kids are taught Air Nomad culture and traditions and taken on trips because Aang is a decent father

I named Lian partly after Yue, since Yuèliàng means moon in Chinese. One of my gripes with LOK is that Katara and Sokka's family are meant to be the leaders of the SWT. Kya or Bumi should be the chief in canon, but Bryke just... Didn't do that for some reason. So fuck it, Sokka's daughter is chief now

Nothing really changes about Izumi, although I'd say she's a little friendlier. I contemplated giving Zuko more kids, but I actually think his decision not to have more kids was one of Bryke's better choices. It makes sense, so I didn't feel the need to change it

Other notes:

The Gaang teaching/helping raise baby Korra is something I live for

The Red Lotus is swiftly dealt with by Katara, Toph, Zuko, Suki, and Sokka when Korra is a kid. They never stood a chance. I was actually going to have Sokka still die during the attack in the SWT and Suki kill Zaheer in revenge, but eh I decided not to off Sokka

The Civil War still happens, but differently. I don't have the patience to go into that, just know that Katara is HEAVILY involved

Welp, that's everything in my brain

I wish I could hug every single person in the world and absorb their sorrows and worries and sadness to make them feel better

I wouldn't give two thoughts about it. If someone else is sad I'd give up my entire happiness to make them all happy.

the beholding is pretty silly and goofy actually

i was thinking about the way in which the different fear entities in the magnus archives acquire their avatars/those people who work for them but are not quite fully-fledged avatars and it dawned on me.

we all know that everyone who works at the magnus institute (except for sasha) is actually just... grossly under-qualified for the job.

tim studied anthropology and worked in publishing, the only reason he's at the magnus institute is because of his brother

martin straight-up just isn't qualified to be an archival assistant

jon was a researcher, not even remotely prepared for the job of an archivist

elias, pre-jonahfication, spent more time high than sober, and literally just accepted the work offer because of "vibes"

all the other people, daisy, basirah and melanie also just. are there because they happen to find themselves there.

the beholding, this entity that prizes knowing and observing and information ect... gathers its avatars via DECEPTION of all things. by collecting someone who has a thirst for knowledge yes, but not at all those who relish the fear of others, AND by by tricking them into signing a paper and then boom sorry you can't leave now lmao.

and it's such a contrast from corruption, who jane prentiss submits to because "they sing a song so beautiful" or destruction, where the people who become its avatars all were enamoured with fire or pain or destruction beforehand. or natalie with the darkness, who sought out to believe in something.

except for jonah magnus, all the people who become the beholding's little minions are there explicitly AGAINST their will. most other places the avatars end up embracing their avatarness, and relishing in their powers. but with the beholding, everyone is just kinda there. duped into a world they cannot escape from, but they desperately want to.

you could make a case for tim wanting knowledge about his brother, but even then, before he got moved to the archives and shit went down, that drive and need to know had lulled considerably.

jon on the other hand, well he becomes an avatar but is in constant denial about it. and he doesn't WANT to bring the end of the world about. they are the only avatars that actively fight AGAINST what they've become.

i just think it's a little funny, and a little ironic.

To answer your question, gameguy20100, the problem isn't being caused by "something wrong", the problem is being caused by "something that isn't right". It's what they're NOT thinking, rather than what they're thinking. And what they're NOT thinking is that "people we admire should be judged by the same rules as people we hate". In other words, they have no integrity. So, they apply different rules to Felix because they admire him, and different rules to Adrien/Marinette because they hate them.

Yeah OK.

But explain this to me.

Why does every character get more hate than Felix?

Marinette gets hate for being dramatic and silly.

Adrien gets hate for being a socially crippled teenager.

Alya and the class are hated for giving Lila the benefit of the doubt. (Yes, it's dense of them, but the salt is ridiculous.)

Kagami gets hated on for being cold and susceptible to manipulation because of low self-esteem.

Nobody seems to blame Felix for his actions. His abuse of Adrien is Adrien’s fault. His stealing the Miraculous is Marinette’s fault. It's insufferable.

I'm sick of the "bad boy" nonsense that plagues everything.

finished rereading kangoku gakuen. it's pretty bad, it's ecchi and all, but i just love it so much. i can't stop cheering the characters on, even knowing hiw they will fail spectacularly. midorikawa hana, you came from being a regular side character to being the main character to me again.

Link To The Fic

No but ur right about Bad Batch stans not having any discourse about the themes/plots other than thirsting over the characters and then claiming it's their "favorite" show. Ik us Rebel fans go in hard about both the plot/lore and the characters because there's so much to talk about. Bad Batch fans could be discussing Echo and Omega (the 2 most interesting characters of the show) but they'd rather talk about how "hot" Tech is. They don't even discuss headcanons of the characters unless it's NSFW. There really is some sort of phenomenon going on with Bad Bad stans. I've never seen this amount of thirst in the community until Tbb made their appearance.

yeah like I havent seen rebels but I can tell that show has substance. I always see rebels stans talking about it and going in depth over literally ever detail.

the clone wars stans do the same. hell, even by character everybody BUT the bad batch cast has fans going in depth. fives is dead and he's still got folks making comparisons and drawing connections. and for the clones especially, they'll have people making connections with other characters as well, talking about all the relationships. tbb have been around for 20 episodes, echo for a lil longer and omega for a lil shorter, but. there's no substance to them. no depth.

and ive said this before but its largely because their writing is so lazy. Elite Group of Soldiers Named After Their Careers. they're painfully predictable, yet you can't even claim comfort in that predictability because each character is also just annoying when they're not completely bland (hunter). the writers are writing hunter to be the dad while having wrecker actually do all the bonding. Tech is just There Echo is just There crosshair was either an antagonist or a villain (and critics complained about that. a lot). the five man band trope needs to die. they couldn't even vary the conflict

i think the bad batch appeals most to people who are REALLY into that "i just want to shut my brain off uwu the world is so bad uwu let me focus on my blorbos uwu take everything at face value uwu". a lot of twitter tbb stans are also hugely into marvel so this does not suprise me in the least.

idk like. how do you say you like the show without ever once talking about the show? "I'm excited for season 2!!" what exactly are you excited for?

Magic Awakens | CH 58: Arya Stark II

Summary: Arya is making her way to Braavos.

A Preview:

Arya often dreamed of being her direwolf prowling the Riverlands, larger than any other wolf and making the smaller ones her pack. The wolves followed her and were her family, her only sister dead and her brothers far away. She stalked the men in the iron suits with the metal claws, making them pay for her man family’s suffering.

She was Nymeria as she slept, Queen of the wolves. Soon after witnessing the end of the Red Wedding, and the Hound dragging her away from storming in to save her mother and brother, she awoke in a dream sniffing near a riverbank. The wind blew a familiar scent that invaded her nostrils, her mind knew who it belonged to and so she sprinted to track where it came from.

Her pack followed behind her, keeping up as best they could with her longer, and stronger legs. As she got closer, the smell became overwhelming. Yet to her horror, it was mixed with the sweet and sickening scent of death.

She jumped into the water, splashing around wildly. She waded to the white floating thing that held the smell. Her jaw tightened around the grey wrinkly skin of the arm, lifting it high and dropping it. Rise and run and eat with us, she thought to the pack member.

The mother of her people-sister did not rise, however. So she pulled the arm as mightily as she could through the water, bringing her to the edge of the water. Already feeling exhaustion from the endeavor, she heaved and whined as she managed the last few feet of bringing the body onto the shore.

Her mouth filled with the taste of death and black stale blood. Men in iron suits that rode on horses with wings of pink and yellow and black flapping behind them galloped toward her, their metal claws in one hand held high. So she led her pack away, praying they would help her people-sister’s fallen mother.

She hid nearby behind the foliage and watched the men approach the decaying body. A heated discussion ensued, though she could not make out most of the words. One man she recognized wept and begged knelt over her body. The one that smelled of fire shook his head.

Then the man she remembered that smelled of death and fire stepped forward, angering the fire man. The one of death knelt before the body, leaned down, and placed a kiss upon her shriveled lips. When he had finished the kiss, he dropped down beside her, his fire went out and he only the sweet scent of decay remained.

The men around him cursed and screamed, rushing to him. She was not focused on them though. She was watching her fallen pack member.

A spark was lit within her, she could smell the fire and smoke. Then her eyes shot open and she rose. An anguished howl left her, then gargles and moans.

That was when Arya had initially awoken. Since that night the dream changed and morphed. She saw the abomination that had been her lady mother, her skin grey and wrinkled, dangling loosely from her body. The skin of her face was ripped open on one cheek, her eyes were no longer filled with love, they no longer felt like home, and instead were filled with burning hatred.

Half her hair was missing and her scalp was a mess with black blood, the half that remained was brittle, coarse and stark white. There was a deep slice across her throat where the black blood oozed from it and dried. She no longer spoke, but instead she haunted the Riverlands, and she haunted Arya.

What have I done? She cried and pondered alone in her cabin. Arya would see her some nights in places she visited with the Brotherhood.

They would question men they captured, always asking the whereabouts of the hound and a girl or boy her own age with the same description. When they received no information, they hanged them. No longer was Beric there to judge them by the Lord of the Light with his trials by combat.

Her mother had become their judge, jury, and executioner. She found it ironic that Gendry, now knighted, followed her mother, after he rejected her for the notion of what her mother would think of him. Arya was confused by the scenes she witnessed. How was she to reconcile the two contradicting realities?

She had lost her mother. Now, she was no longer dead, yet not quite alive. She also worried if she found her mother again, would she want me as I am now?

She knew how absurd that was, considering the state of her mother, but she felt like a disappointment for most of her life and the thought of rejection never left her. She was far from the proper lady her mother wished for her to be. Though Ayra knew that was never for her, her mother had never given up hope for such a life for her youngest daughter.

Would she recoil at the killer, dressed in boys' clothes, dirty and unkempt? Would she see her as a monster? Or did they belong together? Two monsters with revenge in their hearts to rid the world of all those that harmed House Stark?

Click here to read on AO3

Me when I'm in a getting screwed over by Horikoshi contest and my opponent is any of these characters:

Or, you know, anyone else who isn't Bakugou

Boy after being told he's being ghosted by moi for cheating on his gf

//Making myself sad by sitting here and watching VNC AMVs.....

guillermo del toro’s pinocchio is a beautiful film but my god no one has adapted that story like neverafter. you can never look at it the same way again after listening to lou wilson, a black man, explaining that he chose to play as pinocchio because it’s a story about a little boy who isn’t allowed to make mistakes. that in pinocchio's story, he is fundamentally barred from childhood at once upon a time. he must earn something that everyone else is granted from birth. the other boys get to tell lies and play and get into trouble, but when pinocchio does the same thing there are grave and violent consequences. his pinocchio is trying to understand why the world is so unfair, why the rules are so different for him, why everyone else gets to be a real boy.

and I think about it every day.

i see this jason todd who actually looks his very young age (instead of the 30yr old man that comics like to portray)

and feel my heart breaking just imagining bruce beating him up, almost killing him, mind-breaking him, and just overall being a total piece of shit father towards him.

a huge chunk of the reason why people don't view bruce's actions towards jason as abusive or wrong is because jason doesn't look his age. he's drawn to be this 35yr old father of three who looks even older than dick (and way too on par with bruce) that people see their fights as one between batman and any of his regular rogues. when they fight, it just looks like batman is fighting a man his age and not an actual young person. it doesn't look like batman is fighting his son who's barely even drinking age (and who def wasn't drinking age in utrh). their fights are portrayed in a way that eliminates the very real power struggle between them.

this applies to jason's entire character as well. a lot of people don't sympathize with how he died or his actions as robin or his fights with the other bats because he doesn't look his age. he always looks older and scarier than everyone else. tim has many sympathizers from the titans tower incident because jason just looked like a grown man fighting a 12yr old (even tho i disagree, tim was built and like 17 lmfao).

anyways, i just wish comics would actually draw jason to look his age, which literally ranges from 19 to early twenties. he's young- so young, and it's so annoying to see him drawn and written as someone older than even bruce.

day twoe ah haha

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.