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otakuworks · 1 year

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❛ 𝐒𝐄𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑. reborn au

feat. Zhongli x Reincarnated!GN!Reader | PART II | wc. 5.4K

Based on 'See You In My 19th Life' webtoon | overview. This Webtoon follows the story of a woman who somehow can remember all her past lives.

sum. You were running too fast in life, so fast that no one could catch up, not even Morax who left you to fend off with your curse. Just when you thought you'll slip and fall, a certain consultant came behind and caught you.

cw. mentions of extreme emotion breakdown. cttro 双niarss on Twitter for the art below.

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PART I < PART II

THEME SONG; Slump by Stray Kids (English Version)

There are five stages of grief; Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. All in order.

In your case, it was the other way around. You have long accepted Morax will lay on his deathbed one day, every living thing will eventually cease to exist, mortal and immortal alike

You, out of all people know the in-depth concept of death.

And yet, no amount of tutelage or experience can prepare you for the real thing.

Now you understood what Morax felt when you died.

Your chest feels raw like there's a sudden gash wound that has manifested in your heart. It was painful, too painful that you wouldn't wish it upon anyone, even on your worst enemy.

Scratch that. It's not just pain. It feels something more destructive, demanding and insatiable, crueler than sorrow. Not even death can appease this feeling.

It was agony.

Impale your abdomen with a spear hundred times. Sever your limbs every lifetime. Suffer for all eternity hiding behind Morax and watch him love with someone else over and over again— you'd take them all and say thank you.

You'd be grateful and endure each of them just to trade whatever horrible feeling that's tearing you apart.

Confusion, terror and fright blanketed your mind as you slumped on the floorboards, desperately gasping for breath.

The acrid smell of snarling lightning crackles in the stale midnight air, sharp enough to singe every nerve of your body, rendering you cowering in overwhelming emotions— agony, pain and grief.

Inazuma was bustling with the news of the Geo Archon passing away recently. You could only imagine how Liyue is digesting the cruel twists of events.

The news spreads fast enough for foreign people to sympathize to Liyue citizens, some even offered prayers to the Raiden Shogun, some pay their respects by wishing the late Archon to rest in peace, some never bothered to care.

But none of them mourned in the confinements of their four walls as you did, the Celestia above knows the quiet sobs that wrecked the very core of your existence. The horrors of every shitty lives you went through cannot be compared to this day.

Rex Lapis, who is— was widely known for many names, mostly as the Geo Archon, God of War, God of Contracts, Former Prime Adepti, the Stonebreaker, God of History is now reduced by dust with his people carrying the legacy he has passed on.

To you, all this time, he's still... Morax the petulant child who leans on you for comfort, who politely demands you to sing a lullaby as kids. You're already sold to the idea no one would ever believe you if you told them what embodiment of mischief he was in the ancient times, the exact opposite of the Archon they knew about.

Nostalgia hits you in particular days you can't find traces of the young Morax, but Pride would caress your heart every achievement he succeeds as you watch the people love him.

Similar to a lone planet, you desperately search for a star to orbit around, to give you a source of energy and strength. Once you find one, it'll be difficult to rearrange your position after you have settled down, you're attached until the star loses its amber glow.

And now the star is gone. Gone with the cosmos after a supernova.

Destroying the neighboring planets, including you.

You were the closest in its orbit, you're the one who had to endure the scorching flames morphing you into ashes until you're reduced into cosmos particles for no one to remember.

Morax left you to fend off with your curse and face adversities alone.

Mortals would succumb to these adversities and would choose to sever their connection to the living to escape from everything. You've seen a handful of them and can't ever get enough of it.

If there's anything you long to have other than having Morax beside you is a swift escape.

Every mortal is capable of such thing, you are too, but it's pointless if the pain will cling to you in your next life. It's fruitless to cry when you know every affliction won't be forgotten even if you tried.

Just why?! Why do I have this perpetual curse of reincarnation? I abhor you, Celestia! Not only you cursed me, you even took away Morax from this land!

You shake your head as the anger surge took over your sanity. You thought you can just go live your merry life, unbeknownst how dependent you were to Morax.

Your will to live is solely operated by the fact you have someone you want to protect. But now he's gone? What's the back up plan? Clearly you can't just follow him in his death knowing you can die, but your memories will remain with you.

Was it out of selfishness to protect him to have someone accompany your lonely soul? Because he's the only one who actually remembers the real you?

Rain began to pour from the desolute atmosphere as you heard disembodied voices theorizing Morax's death. The muffled thundering of the storm only growing louder, reminding you of today's unsavory news. How convenient, the sky is sympathizing.

No, make it stop! I don't want fo hear any of it! Morax is dead, that's how nature works. I'm griefing because it hurts, not because I have nothing to live for.

You lived in that illusion for minutes until. . .

*drip* *drip*

. . . the dam broke.

Hot tears streamed down your face, and you squeezed your eyelids shut in the hope the pain would stop, just numbing it would be fine too. Your choppy breathing and watery eyes remained for quite some time, and sat there unmoving.

There's no see you later's anymore, for Morax has left you. Today has marked your first Goodbye to him.

For an indiscernible amount of time, there was only a black void and it could have been as if you didn’t exist and you had never existed.

And then you felt each of your cells that had been ripped apart within seconds be sewed back together just as quickly, and your eyes met nothing but a blinding white light.

Have I reborn again? You're not aware which is which anymore. You lift your numb hand and reality crashed over your head, you haven't died out of grief, yet.

Your mind is in havoc, you don't know what you want, not that you have any choice.

Dying won't help you escape, forgetting is not an option, loving. . . can't heal an open wound.

No words can equate the absolute devastation you feel.

❖ ── ✦ ── 『 6000 YRS AGO 』 ── ✦ ── ❖

This is stupid. Utterly ridiculous!

What kind of mortal would go in the mines in the middle of the night where monsters lurk in the shadows to hunt for preys? Yeah, that's a question he would like for you to answer!

He flies twice the speed he usually exerts, his mind running rampant of all worst possible scenarios.

He doesn't know what compelled you to do such ridiculous act, but all he knows is he has get to you before any monsters do.

Landing unceremoniously, he gulps at the sight before him. He was never a fan of darkness, it never fails to instill fear in him, the fear of the unknown.

The only time he feels comfortable in the night is whenever you're around him. You don't fear the night, and it somehow influenced him in a way that there's nothing that should be afraid of as long as you're with him— as his human shield.

Young Morax finds himself slowly withdrawing, the fear overpowering his will to come and save you.

"Morax? What are you doing out here?" Saved by the gracious voice of yours, young Morax nearly broke his neck with how fast he looked at your direction.

Your face is contorted out of concern for him, he's sweating profusely and his breathing is ragged.

Just seeing you all in one piece with no signs of injuries made hin slumped on the ground, sighing in relief.

You were at his side seconds later, subconsciously caressing his cheeks. Celestia above! He's shaking like a leaf!

"It's alright, let's get you out of here." Your soothing voice appeased his troubled mind as you helped him get back on his feet. He clutches the fabric of your shirt and wordlessly launches himself on you, arms and tiny tail entrapping you in an embrace.

You waste no second reciprocating the gesture, you've known him for months to be comfortable with physical sentiments. Though you can't say the same to him as he would always flinch away when you initiate it, but has no problem when he does it.

And it seems like he needs your comfort to even give a damn.

"Whatever it is, it can't hurt you now okay?"

From that angle, he peered from below you as if confirming the validity of your words, amber eyes looking like someone has kicked an innocent puppy, it's no wonder you have a soft spot for him.

Both of you strayed away from the caves leading to mines, "I-I thought you l-left me." He meekly mumbled, almost incoherent.

That baffles you as he continues, "I overheard f-from your village that m-monsters are increasing in the area and you're probably..."

"Shh... I'm here now, aren't I? I'm sorry you have to hear that, I can assure you I haven't encountered any marauding monsters during my little excursion." You sighed, guilt pooling your conscience.

He sniffled, "So, you're not going to leave me?"

"Can I even go anywhere when you have a sharp sense of smell?"

"I'm a dragon, not a wolf." He whined, though you could still see the glint of dubious in his eyes, "Can I trust your word?"

Words never served him better than actions, you ought to show him you honor your word by affirming it through gestures.

Smiling, you offered your hand to him.

"How about you hold my hand on our way home? Will that help?" He stares at you and literally contemplated before he relented.

It's warm, much similar to your hug, but like a form of hug that has been reduced to a smaller fraction. It's still a paragon of comfort.

Surely enough, it did help his mind to be at ease. If you ever feel like he's cutting off your circulation, he is cutting your circulation by intertwining your fingers as if trying to tangle it so it won't loose.

"I'm sorry, you must think I'm stupid for cowering away just because of some stupid dark cave." He lowered his head in shame.

He's a Dragon who has greater strength than most beings, and yet he lets his fear consume him as if they can hurt him like how—

"Nonsense! Don't ever think like that or I will personally be the reason why you should fear humans." As stern as you sound, your eyes tell a different story.

Young Morax deduced this as concern, which resulted a flustered and heartwarming reaction from the boy. You were worried for him.

It shouldn't be something he's supposed to feel happy about, but your fretful intentions warranted warmth and security in his mind.

"I didn't know how oddly. . . pleasant it is to hold hands." He mused, and you responded with an amused giggle, "Here I thought only couples do this stuff, but it's really reassuring."

"It does, doesn't it? Sometimes the solution to your conflicts is in a form of validation."

Too wise for a kid, he inwardly complained, ". . .Meaning?"

You hold his other hand and stood to face him with a sequined smile, "No matter how minuscule or massive your fears are, you'll still find comfort when someone validates your feelings; to let you know that they care. It may not be the solution in some cases, but it's better than being alone in times of your vulnerability."

You leaned slightly closer, "Can I ask you a favor?" Your gaze pierced right through his soul and he can only nod absently which resulted for you to grin.

"If you see someone, friend and stranger even enemies, looking so vulnerable that they actually might cry. . ." You lifted your intertwined hands with his, ". . .Make them feel significant."

A cold midnight wind whisked past the both of you, your eyes shone brighter than jewels and stars alike as you spoke those words that made a huge impact in his life.

". . .Even if my enemies are about to cry because I'm about to end their miserable lives?"

What a way to ruin the moment.

"You know what I mean, Mora." You deadpan, preparing to let go of his hand, but his grip is much stronger and it only tightens once he feels you're trying to detach.

"I'm afraid you have to elaborate further, Y/N. And please, I only have two syllables in my name. What's so hard in including the X?" In contrast to his words, he quite enjoys hearing his nickname.

"The X is not even a syllable, Mora."

That time, young Morax found peace.

He's always on the hunt for something new, something glimmering, something incredible, something undiscovered and something bedazzling. That's how his childlike brain thinks and he seizes anything outwardly beautiful.

But he never knew how amazing it was to see something— or rather, to see someone's beauty on the inside.

Perhaps that's what draws him to you, because of your voice, patience and understanding. He would never admit it though

To him, you're beautiful inside and out, almost perfect, even your flaws are easy to love.

He can't deny he wasted a few immortal years just mourning your death, you'd probably scold him.

Within those years, he's only reliving the memories and wise words you have with him. He wanted to come out as a better person after your death, take it as an honour of your passing.

You made him for what he is.

If he hadn't met you he'd still be the intolerable, impatient and disrespectful person as he grows up.

He'd still fear the unknown, never having the courage to take risks and accept whatever outcomes.

Everything he does always brings him back to you, his actions always correlates to something that's relevant about you. It had always been you.

He prays the Celestia to let you know you will always be apart of his person. Yes, you died, but every lingering piece of you still remains intact in the deep recesses of his mind.

He has moved on, but you remain the person he loved the most. Not even the sands of time has the capability to change that.

"How disastrous. People can be really simple-minded." Morax rubbed both of his temples once he heard the speculation of him and Guizhong plausible relationship.

"I apologize on their behalf, it never crossed my mind they'll be quick to make assumptions." The fair Goddess bowed in shame.

"You have done nothing wrong to spark such rumors, Guizhong. If anything, it is I who should seek forgiveness for I have tied you down with such unpleasant gossips."

She meekly chuckles, "If we're going to paint ourselves as the culprit then we might as well work together to quell the rumors."

His perfectly lined eyebrows knitted, which didn't go unnoticed by Guizhong, "What seems to be troubling your mind?"

A few seconds ticked by before he let out a whisper that only Barbatos can only hear thanks to his wind. For Guizhong who has keen sense of hearing, "If Y/N was here I'll gear up for another war just to extinguish this spreading rumors." She stifled a laugh.

Oh, she knows alright. She knows you. She knows the person who captivated Morax's heart, it's all about he talks to her in their leisure time and you're not a secret between their comrades.

Most people would find it dull to listen about someone's life unless it held any merit to pass onto the other mouth, she would too. But Morax describes you like a protagonist of a fairy tale, like some mythical being, caught between two worlds, a miracle of existence that racked his existence— which makes you an interesting person

She was so eager to meet you, it was rather unfortunate that you've already passed on uncountable years ago.

"Where are you going?" She inquired as the Geo Archon whisk passed her, "Out to visit an old friend. I won't be returning until tomorrow dawn."

She sighed, a corresponding smile soon follows as she took over his job for the meantime.

Morax walked through the barren areas in Mt. Tianheng, it became part of his leisure activities during the day when his mind needs to detach itself from reality and let himself be swayed by the memories he tucked in the deep recesses of his mind.

Memories of his late comrades who perished in the horrors of war and the most painful but nostalgic one; Y/N.

He ruefully sighed at the thought of you. Even in death, you have full grasp of his heart and shroud his head with your image.

Filtered beams of light accented the spaces between the ancient trees that twisted like spires from the undergrowth. Golden leaves littered the forest floor as Morax appraised the trail of mycelium path, one leading to a particular tree.

His expression remains unchanging, at least that's what he thought, any stranger sees him they'll stop to ponder what made this godly man smile so fondly.

A single maple leaf flow with the breeze, swaying in inconsistent direction until it falls in his gloved hand. The rich color of autumn and texture brings him back in his youthful days.

[ cttro papercider on Twitter ]

"Ah! All I do is reminisce to pass time." He muttered to himself as he let the leaf get carried away by the zither winds once again.

"It certainly has been awhile, Y/N. I was but a petulant child since I've visited you. I now stand here as the Geo Archon." It has been a habit to come back to this specific tree and treats it as his home.

It's a sacred place he's closely attached to, he can perfectly picture his young self failing to spy on you. He grimaced at the memory when he was caught in the act.

"I still have no idea why you let me trail your shadows, you weren't least afraid that I'm a dragon. You told me you're fascinated, but. . . was that the only reason?"

Only the breeze answered for him with nothing, "If you hadn't allowed me to do so I do not know what kind of person I would be as of today." He steps closer and pulled off his hood.

He let the silence hang for minutes, maybe even hours. Just standing there as he appreciates what nature has to offer in the place where his story began with you.

"Are you proud of me? My comrades claimed they were more than proud to stand alongside with me, but I doubt the veracity of their words when I led them to their demise. Is it that prideful to have me as a friend when I bring nothing but misfortune?"

He finally sat down between the roots of the tree, relishing the blissful comfort as the sunlight accentuates his godly features.

"I met a boy who was being manipulated by an evil god who only desires power and selfish gains." He began.

"He was a fierce warrior, strong and capable, the manipulation only fuels him to be at his strongest form. I was thinking of eradicating him, but his eyes already looked so dead. It reminded me of. . ."

He holds his tongue and shuts his eyes as he's in pain, "It would be one of my greatest regrets if I had impaled my spear into him."

"I thought of you that time. Hadn't it been to my promise to you, I wouldn't have gained a new ally. Xiao is his name."

The wind blew stronger, ". . . I forgot you can summon him just by calling out his name." He chuckles to himself.

Green statics cracked into the air and quickly revealed a masked man with his polearm readied for any danger.

"Settle down now. I apologize, your name slipped in my mouth." The young Yaksha visibly looked confused even under the layers of his mask.

"I was narrating a story to my old friend Y/N."

Guizhong couldn't have been more right.

By the end of the day, Xiao now knows every detail there is to know about the person called Y/N. It's what Morax ever talk to him.

"Mr. Zhongli is in a very elated mood ever since you told him Archon knows what, Traveler." Hu Tao, the Director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor finds the situation quite absurd to look at, but never impossible. His mood just feels out of place.

Who looks at mournful families with an eccentric smile on their face as they consult them about their loved one's death?

"Why does Paimon feel like you're pointing finger at the traveler?" She puts her tiny hands on tiny her hips like a mother hen.

The Traveler let out a nervous laugh, "I wonder what exactly brought him in such high spirit with my words."

"Ooh... Paimon thinks it's about Y/N. Isn't it obvious by now?" Hu Tao furrowed her eyebrows, "Y/N? You mean the Adventurer?" Both heads snapped at her direction, "You know them?"

She reluctantly shrugged, "Only at acquaintance level. They showed interest in business and I taught them a few things." She smiled at the epilogue of her statement.

"If they ever come back, my hunch tells me you'd find them in Wangshu Inn, they frequented there before." She added before turning her attention to a new customer.

Zhongli, who's been eavesdropping, perked up at the claims. Perhaps he should visit Xiao tonight and totally won't inquire if he ever met you before.

Midnight falls and Zhongli bid his farewell to the traveler before heading towards the Wangshu Inn.

For some unknown reason, Zhongli could sense the foreboding feeling that's nagging his instincts as he gets closer to his desired destination, yet he doesn't stop. What's worse is that he doesn't know if it's for the good or bad.

All of a sudden, a harsh breeze blew past his face as if the winds attempting to convey a message that's only for his intuition to decipher, for him to meander.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw his statue glowing bright blue, but that wasn't what caught his attention. A hand reached out to touch the stone statue.

A mop of [H/C] facing him backward bowed down in respect of the late Rex Lapis, but Zhongli could feel a much more intense feeling.

Something stirs inside him, he remembers this situation— when he watched Y/N with such fascination from above the tree, not knowing what they look like, yet they never fail to express their feelings through threaded words he finds so wondrous to hear.

In contrary to that, the person appears to be. . . forlorn. He stepped closer until he's only less than five meters away from them.

All of a sudden, he feels skittish around the person. It's as if he doesn't want to leave a bad first impression, he's suddenly self-conscious of his looks, and Zhongli never cared about his outer appearance.

Then they spoke, in a solemn voice.

"See you later, Mora. I hope you found your eternal peace."

There are times when you wish you'd forget Morax, some that you don't. But still, in the birth of new beings, you will find Morax in his next life. The prospect of being alone is a phobia you can't ever overcome unless you have Morax.

What a joke. It should've been a farewell. Your final goodbye to your old friend. Not a hopeless see you later.

It took you months to come with that mindset, only to end up saying what's the exact opposite.

It was difficult to come back in Liyue, every step adds a new pile of memory that drags you further into the depths of agony. Every where you look reminds you of the late Geo Archon. Each encouraging word in your mind gets trampled on by his image.

You consider it as an achievement to stand tall in front of his statue after his death, and a failure that you didn't get to bid your final words to him before you depart from Liyue.

You're still clinging to a nonexistent hope that you'll actually get to see him even after your death. Old habits die hard they say. It couldn't have been more relatable than now.

Sighing in disappointment, you retracted your hand from the statue and briskly turn around when you felt the disturbance behind you.

A gloved hand suspended in the air seems to be trying to reach out to you. As you raise your eyes to meet the oh-so-familiar glowing amber eyes that you grew to love. . .

You offered the stranger a faux smile, seemingly naive to the person standing in front of you with an aghast expression.

You failed to realize Morax as Zhongli just as Morax failed to realize you in your different lives.

"Hello. How may I help you?"

Oh, how the tables have turned.

Time has stopped, both hands of the clock moved counterclockwise, bringing him back to the time he first laid his eyes on you— so unsuspecting from what's about to unravel after a sweet hello.

His broadened eyes are solely fixated on you, it ingnited a feeling he couldn’t immediately identify, a sense of a certain and long-forgotten familiarity fogged his memory.

From the color of your eyes, skin and hair. The subtle furrow of your eyebrows and the upturn of your lips. The gentle facade that compelled him to indulge his curiosity towards you.

Y/N. . . Are you the Y/N the traveler was talking about?

But you bare no resemblance to the Y/N he knew, yet he can tell how it is your soul residing in the mortal's body. It is you. Your eyes aren't the ones that welcomed him as new friend. It feels different.

You're smiling while your eyes are grieving.

Your eyes failed to conceal your weeping soul and could only hope the last bits of its strength will keep it standing until someone reach a hand to put back the shattered pieces.

Behind that gleeful stare was a mountain of pain and extracting it would bring instability to the person who would dare to climb. Yet come what may, you're always worth any risk.

He lowered his hand to shake yours, his lips upturned into an enigmatic smile.

Your heart went erratic and the usually dormant butterflies imploded in your stomach. You haven't felt like a teenager since. . .

You felt your breath hitch in your throat when suddenly, with a mere handful of strides, the beautiful man was standing right in front of you, his amber eyes searching your face intently, trying to find whatever it was he was seeking.

"My name is Zhongli, I'm a consultant in Wangsheng Funeral Parlor." Your [E/C] eyes blinked surreptitiously before accepting it. What a beautiful name, you thought almost immediately.

Under normal circumstances you would've strictly reprimanded the man with his incongruous advances, but you felt something else, something so powerful it overshadowed your senses.

It was a need, an unyielding need to be close to him.

Rather than pushing him away, something inside you stirs awake and begin to implore to coalesce with his existence.

"I'm Y/N L/N, an adventurer."

So it is really you.

He briefly looks down to their intwined hands.

For countless nights, the image of your bloodied hand reaching out to him as you take your last breath plagued his every dream. The tender, soft hands that will no longer bring him comfort. The hand of the person whom he loved so dearly, whom he failed to protect against the wicked ways of the world.

The intense urge to hide you away from the prying eyes that shared similarities to his kept his mind in shambles.

Which what led him to mumble to you what his thoughts are repeating like a mantra.

When he spoke the promise he'll show you what's up at the highest altitude his wings could go, he was mostly speaking out of his selfish desire to hold onto your hand and fly you away to the farthest place no living creatures have ever stumbled upon.

He had to learn it the hard way; that the greater you wish for something, the crueler fate can be. Maybe if he hadn't been so greedy you could've live your mortal life.

Now that you are standing in front of him, shaking your hand, he can amend his mistake by straying far away from you before he repeats history itself, before he could inflict pain on you again.

And yet, looking at you attempting to shoulder the boulders of life is what all it takes for all the wisdom he garnered for centuries to be thrown out the window.

He can't imagine himself distancing from you when you're suffering and have no one comfortable enough to share your burdens with, no one to validate your feelings, no one to embrace you in your vulnerable times.

You taught him to be compassionate, to not disregard emotions, and he's about to set that in motion. You were there when he needed you the most, offered your shoulder to vent out his feelings, it's about time to let him do what you always did for him.

It became abundantly clear he's not willing to let you go through anything alone just like he had gone through without you.

"You claim you're a consultant. Did you perhaps think I'm a potential customer?"

He let go of your hand as much as he loathes being away from your warmth for even just a second, he's still convinced you can be taken away from him at any given moment.

"Indeed, I couldn't stand idle and watch you grieve alone." He watches how you averted your eyes as if hiding the pain would appease your mind.

"I appreciate the thought. . . though, I highly doubt it'll be effective."

He mentally chuckled at the irony. He, too, was once amazed of what simple gestures can bring to a downhearted person.

"Hmm. An old friend once showed me how to console a person. Allow me to share their insights."

Your eye brows perched in curiosity, this man speaks like he's in his 50s or something, ". . .If you insist. I could use a company for now."

Morax experienced eons of desires to attain what he wishes to, though he refrains from being blinded by those greedy thoughts as he had witnessed how cruel fate can be when he once desired to have you. Will history repeat itself?

Zhongli chortles in response, but his expression soon turned nostalgic, "I may not know what adversities you're facing nor do I know who you are, but know that you're never alone."

His smile never left his face as he takes off his glove and held the palm face forward to you, he watches how your eyes glisten with unshed tears, "W-What is that supposed to convey?"

You didn't even notice how much gap he closed just to increase the proximity between the both of you. Archons! You can smell the lingering scent of Osmanthus Wine mingling with his breath!

Is he a drunkard like Venti?

Perhaps this man is drunk to comprehend his actions, perhaps he won't remember this the never next day, perhaps he has mistaken you for someone else, perhaps—

"Wherever you wish to go, I'll keep you company. I dare ask if I may hold your hand along the way, Y/N?"

Perhaps there's hope you can cling onto until your aching heart is at ease.

Your hand found its way to his, almost too desperate to not let this moment of comfort vanish. Just this once, you thought to yourself as the man smiled with absolute glee that it puts the sun in shame.

Out of reflex, your fingers laced with his, wanting nothing more than to relieve in the warmth of his hand. His expression soon turned into a priceless one as if he's in disbelief that you actually just did that, and that alone made the realization struck you harder than Raiden's lightning and fried your nerves with embarrassment.

"I-I'm so-sorry! I didn't mean to get too comfortable!"

You're a stranger to him, and you acted as if you've been a longtime friends. He must have been feeling uncomfortable, you nervously thought as you quickly tried reel back your hand in an attempt to salvage whatever budding acquaintanceship you have.

Keyword; tried.

Your action prompts him to retaliate by locking his fingers in place, keeping your hand sealed with his and shot you a reassuring smile.

"Do not fret. I'm delighted to know I somehow earned a little fraction of your trust. It's only fair to mirror the trust you gave me."

As if to spell out his point, he held up your intertwined hands just below your chin. His eyes blazed with a newfound emotion you couldn't decipher. He almost looks eager. He was gripping your hand, not too tight, but firm enough give emphasize of something.

His action wasn't fruitless as it gained a reaction from you. Your eyebrows twitched, there's something too familiar about it, but your memory refuses to give you that answer.

Instead, you could only mutter weak responses, "I-I understand, but if you feel uncomfortable in any way then don't hesitate to point out what I'm doing wrong."

Whether it was a satisfying answer he wants to hear, his emotions betrayed to even give you a brief answer and his face only lit up as he turns away from you, "You could never do anything wrong in my eyes."

Did he just say something? "What was that?"

"Nothing. Are you new in Liyue? I could give you a tour if you'd like to make you familiarize with the environment."

Your lips turned into a genuine smile, it didn't reach your ears but something tells you this man will lengthen it until you're the happiest person alive, "I'd love to, Zhongli."

As the wind blows to the East, a new chapter has began with a new retelling of their unfinished story. Until the last maple leaf falls and the oldest standing tree drought, two souls will always find their way to rekindle what has been lost.

>> PART III

─ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒. @itsyourgirlria @shizunxie @elsoleil @cherlynono @slzarr @katsuissus @tartarsaucechi1de @spyanya @tikitsune @shoujishu @useless-potatho @chimsblogg @xiamuyi @lemonlimesocks @belletifeshyl @alexon-mars @multifandomvoyage @malt-rants-and-stuff @jameineliebe @angelkazusstuff @orginiallyann @eissaaaa @beezgobuzzbuzz @towos @kamukayakmonyet @atsukawolfcat @sunflowers1970 @yamtwt @avery-needs-more-fics @angstylittleb1tch @bigcandlesmolbrain @lxmine @imk1ra @fauxizs @islxisl @chihawari @bishishbored @yuuki4646 @sunsethw4 @princeabomination @alexiris @chocolateneapolitan @ayra2452008 @akaritenchi @sophiee-bush @ittosoneandoniwife @alatus2716 @almighty-raiden-shogunate

(it's my first time doing tags so pls inform me if it's not working, idk why the others are white, did I do something wrong??)

PS. if you want to get tagged for the next part or be removed then simply comment it TAGLIST is for the readers who want to be updated for my future genshin works.

─ 𝐀/𝐍. Can you all smell that? *sniff sniff* I smell a Xiao ver. of this 👀👀 Fr, I didn't expect the fic will be loved that much as I initially thought, I received many appreciative comments and messages which is what motivated me to write part 2, and possibly part 3 (just for the fluff) since this was supposed to be a series but I crossed that idea out until everyone broke my expectation. Thank you💜💙 and merry christmas everyone ❤💚

#zhongli #zhongli x reader #zhongli fic #zhongli angst #genshin crossover #genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin x reader #zhongli fluff #crossover #see you in my 19th life #webtoon #genshin impact crossover #reborn au #genshin zhongli #Spotify

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sashi-ya · 8 months

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𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟐𝟑 DAY 28: FLESHLIGHT adult! Ichigo x F! Reader x adult! Uryu

requested by: anon ➡ would you write a fic for day 28 with Uryu and Ichigo and a afab! reader? thanks! wc: mdni. ichigo and uryu are adults. threesome. using reader as "a fleshlight". DP. some homoerotic action, but very subtle (you can think what you want), oral, creampie implied. wc: 1,7k masterlist.

Drunk, but not with alcohol. Lovers, haters… enemies, brothers.

The gathering had concluded. Their friends have taken their leaves. And the last one to abandon Ichigo’s house, was, of course, Uryu.

The tangerine haired young man plays on his bed, with some particular gaming console. He bounces his right foot, as he do… unaware of the blue haze that’s about to struck him.

“Kurosaki!” he screams, snatching his Switch from his hands. Ishida, a young soon to become doctor, forces Ichigo to stand up all of a sudden from his bed.

“What the fuck? Give it back, it’s not mine!” Ichigo protests, trying to reach for the console.

Uryu puts it down the desk as well as his glasses, and immediately after pounces on his friend.

“I told you once and a thousand times to stop flirting with (Name). I fucking hate you” Uryu grunts, trying to hit his friend but getting his fists stopped by Ichigo’s quick reaction.

As the ginger boy holds the onyx haired one’s wrists, he tries to understand what was exactly happening.

Uryu seems to have tears on his eyes. After all that happened, after the emotional spiral that they both had to face when younger, this felt to the Quincy like the worst of treacheries.

“Stop. STOP ISHIDA. I haven’t been flirting with her! I am not into (Name), why are you- STOP!” Ichigo tries to inject some reason into Uryu’s mind -even if he lies-. But the Quincy looks now more like a rabid cat than a man.

“I am tired of your shit… I am- why? Why would you… I saw you hugging her, I saw her sitting on your lap tonight…” Uryu mumbles, finally falling over his friend chest. He has ran out of strength, and the depression wins against confrontation.

Ichigo sighs. He, for sure, didn’t realize how bad his actions could hurt his friend. He proceeds to place his hand on Uryu’s not so wide back and lets him calm down with the safe embrace of someone he used to hate but loves as a brother.

“It wasn’t at all my intention. I’m sorry” Ichigo whispers.

Uryu clenching to his friend’s white shirt, stays carving his nose into Ichigo’s chest.

“I know…” he murmurs, almost like a little kid.

“Ichigo I think I forgot my – oh-“ you stop yourself right by the entrance of the substitute Shinigami’s door.

Truth is, you weren’t expecting to interrupt such an intimate moment. But it certainly startled you… while it was expected for them to love each other like brothers, sharing a bed in such conditions caught you by surprise.

Immediately after, they both separate and start stuttering to explain you something. You, on your side, don’t really need much explanation… though it was a little disappointing in a way that they were together; after all, you were actually struggling because you seem to like both.

“It’s ok guys! I am not telling anyone unless you say so! I am happy for you two. I think I forgot my Nintendo switch in here, but I will text you tomorrow!” you quickly say, trying to go away as soon as possible… as much as you liked both, and the scenario represented a pleasant homoerotic imagery, you weren’t invited to their “after party”

Ichigo pushes Ishida to the side, and fast enough stops you from walking. His strong hand around your wrist, makes you internally shiver.

“Listen, you are getting it all wrong! We weren’t doing that. We were just fighting!” he tries to explain, a little too desperate for you to believe in him.

You look at him, up and down. Ichigo looks visibly troubled, his breathing accelerated, and his hand clenching to you intensifies.

Soon, he is not the only one trying to stop you from leaving… and maybe, also trying to move Ichigo away.

“(Name)! I am not into men! Much less Kurosaki… I… In fact, I…” Uryu stutters and closes his beautiful deep blue eyes for some seconds before continuing. “In fact, I am into you. I want you. We were having a discussion because of you!”

Ichigo and you widen your eyes; despite his friend knowing, it was still a big deal for Ishida to finally confess in such way.

You take some time to even react, however your eyes fix into his with shining stars.

“Uryu I… I…” you try to think for the right words; you like him, but you like Ichigo as well… and he hasn’t let you go, either.

All of a sudden, the sweet voice of Ichigo breaks the silence. While being pulled to your left by Ishida, you are being pulled by him to the right.

“(Name), I like you too!” he confesses. Leaving you all doubly perplexed. “Chose one of us, the other will back up”

Ishida, who instantly realizes he wasn’t wrong, decides to focus on you before attacking Ichigo for lying to him. While Ichigo, looks away with a slight blush on his cheeks you haven’t seen before.

A wild idea comes to your mind… why choosing, if you can have both?

“I won’t chose” you speak. They both look at you defeated. “Share me” you purr. They both let your wrists go. “I want to be used by both of you” you finish.

And with no mediation, you are surrounded by two needy creatures; both driven by desire. Apparently lust can help the differences set in between two men in a blink of an eye.

You receive kisses on each side of your neck, their playful noses inhaling the scent of your skin and sometimes their fingers even meeting as they slide on your belly.

Slowly, but surely, your clothes end up on the floor and in between kissing, biting, and moaning you fall into Ichigo’s bed.

The Quincy(ies) and Shinigami gloat to see your legs falling a little spread, your arms behind to help your back remain a little erect and the bouncing of your breasts.

“I am going first” Ichigo grunts. “No fucking way, I am going first” Uryu growls. “Didn’t I tell you I wanted for you to share me while you use me?” you moan, spreading your legs wide open to flash them with the very tempting entrance to heaven.

Ichigo and Uryu look each other, and run to you with no hesitation. Both jumped in the bed, with Ishida in between your legs and Ichigo kneeling right next to your face.

While the dark haired one fingers your entrance and uses his tongue to trace circles around your clit, you choke with the dripping merciless sex of Ichigo.

“Use her like a fleshlight” Ichigo claims in between panting, as his dick reached the back of your throat, and you gag.

Ishida stops, leaving his lips posed on your femineity as he looks at Ichigo with eyes on fire. He is probably questioning Ichigo for those words, that indeed don’t sound like him at all.

You stop the oral delight, and with lips still shiny from Ichigo’s precum you moan; “Please… let me be your fleshlight, Ishida-kun ~”

Uryu closes his eyes and sighs loudly; his breathe cools the juices of your cunt and you squirm. He then proceeds to stand up and opens his shirt, while his pants fall to the ground and are sent flying to the other side of Ichigo’s room.

The Quincy looks at you, with his dick in his hand. You are so glad to finally discover what’s beneath that particular clothes of his. His delicate hand lifts his shirt just above his belly, exposing soft marked abs over pale skin.

He then, as he kneels back in between your legs, wipes the little drops of sweat on his forehead moving his black bangs to the side.

“A fleshlight you said? Like a piece of silicone? Is that what you wanna be for me, (Name)?” he asks, serious than ever, with trembling lips of desire and want.

“Ye-yes, like your beautiful little doll to fuck, Ishida-kun” you purr, and feel how Ichigo’s fingers bury, pinching your cheeks.

“God, (Name)… how can you be that much of a slut?” he asks, pumping his dick, with the veins of his hand protruding visibly.

You smirk at him, with puppy eyes and sticking your tongue out. You are ready to receive his load on it, as well as Ishida’s sex penetrating you really good.

And it’s actually even better than what you were expecting; Ishida’s hands slide down your waist to the small of your back to lift your hips up. You can feel his hardness entering you, stretching your walls, going deeper the more he bucks your hips up… because he knows exactly how to make you moan.

“Ah… fuck…” you swear, as cumming has became an imminent happening. “Are you cuming, mh? Are Ishida’s thrusts that good, baby?” Ichigo asks, on the verge of bathing you with his seed. “Bet both dicks inside of you will feel amazing, mh?”

You turn your eyes white, imagining to be double penetrated by them had to be the last push for you to jump into the abyss of climax.

You feel the warmth blessing of the Strawberry Shinigami on your mouth, overflowing the limits of your lips and running through your cheeks, neck, chest, breasts.

You taste the salty product, and even choke with it. Uryu’s rams are violent, so improper, so out of character of what he might look like he could do… they are literally merciless; he is using your cunt as a real fleshlight.

You tremble, every muscle in your body spasms, and orgasm hits you like never before. You grip to the sheets, but regardless you cuming, Uryu keeps fucking you.

“Ishida, lay back, let’s fuck her together” Ichigo suggests -orders-; Uryu obeys, fighting on the verge of climax won’t do for him.

As his back hit the bed, Ichigo manages to crawl behind you and lifts you up from your arms. You, still cumming, almost losing conscious from overstimulation are now on top of Uryu -whose hips haven’t stopped fucking you yet-

“Now, bend a little over him (Name)” Ichigo helps you, while your arms have reached his nape from behind.

A single hand is enough for him to guide his dick inside you, shamelessly grazing his friend’s.

“Kurosaki…” Uryu grunts, staying still just enough for his shinigami friend to fit inside.

“Ishida- not now” he grunts, moving you back to the previous position. Both, inside of you, now feels like exploding your overstimulated womb. A womb asking to be blessed by more than one race…

“Guys… please, don’t stop ~” “No worries, (Name)… you are just like our favourite toy”

taglist: @miabiaria @carmenthedreamer @stygianoir @electronicwitchcollection @aizenwifey @deputy-videogamer @efrodd17 @mizugami @uzxotic @cyberdazetragedy @bookandyarndragon @fushiguroshotwife💖

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lynnlovesthestars · 8 months

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"I wandered lonely as a cloud"

Pairing: Astarion x gn!Reader (afab for eventual smut) Genre: hurt, comfort. Angst, smut eventually. CW: gore, past trauma, abuse, reference to SA, ptsd, ocd, feeling of inadequacy, fear of rejection, fear of loneliness, anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts[...] Setting: Act 2. Synopsys: "let's pretend we are not alone"

AN: Hello my stars, I haven't wrote a fanfic in a while, though this is a mix between a fic and a collection of one shots. The story is introspective, as we dwell in the story, our focus will be on two lonely souls that find solace in each other's touch. It will not be an action driven story, but fear not, It wont just be cuddles and kisses! (Though we'll have plenty of that) Anyways i hope you'll enjoy this, and you'll find comfort in it.

I'm also going to open a tag list, in case someone is interested. (if the taglist flops, you didn't see it) I'll link the form here so you can avoid leaving it in the comments if you prefer!

Form.

Playlist.

Masterpost.

Loneliness was a strange feeling, sometimes it sprouted when you least expected it, but it hit you the worst at night. It was a feeling you grew accustomed over time, it coated your days, your food, your eyes. In a way it became your way of knowing you were alive, that deep down that emptiness you felt, something akin to a heart was beating, though lonely.

Everyone could see when loneliness was hitting you the worst, cause in the morning you would be more tired, eyebags would sulk your face and you would be avoidant.

The Last Light Inn was finally in sight as you descended the dark and shadowy path that the group of harpers pointed to. The bright glow of encircling the area was the only sign that could point at your way.

Despite the rough welcome from Jaheira and the harpers, they offered you a few rooms so you could rest while you planned your next moves. Jaheira took it on herself to give you a briefing on all she gathered in the shadowlands, but she could clearly see the dark circles under your eyes, and she knew them very well. The eyebags of a leader that needed rest and a warm soup. Little did she know that whatever you felt inside, it was much more than that. It was the thug you felt in your chest, the yearning for even the smallest touch. The need of closeness, like a body pressed against your skin as you dozed asleep. It was the daydreaming of respite in someone else’s embrace, safe and tucked away, though in that moment you wanted to concentrate more on the situation at hand: looking for the beds, cause for once in the past weeks, you didn’t need to set up camp or gather wood, or even sleep on the floor.

The group was directed towards the hen, where the strange ox from the emerald grove was moo-ing about its food. Jaheira gave you a key that would open a hatch where extra rooms would be tucked away. As you descended down the staircase, a soft light glimmered at the center of the space, where four doors were scattered around the empty communal area. A small kitchen sat on the side, while a fireplace was opposite to it.

Whoever resided here before the darkness hit this place, was probably the owner of the inn and their family. The space was left clean, the harpers kept it in good conditions as they took over the perimeter of the inn.

You dropped your backpack near a door as you took a glimpse of the rooms: all of them had a poster bed that could easily hold two people and a partition to hide a bathing corner.

You opted to divide the rooms with the support of a coin flip. It was nothing against Lae'zel, but when the coin fell and it assigned you to her, you contemplated if you could have set a tent in the middle of the road. Your brain started churning ideas as the rest of the group was knees deep discussing on the beds.

"Oh don't sulk, Astarion" Gale played with the elf as he shoved his elbow in his hip. "I'm not an awful bedmate"

"There's no way, I'm sleeping in the same room with you again" Astarion whined as he turned his head the other way. Then it hit you.

Astarion.

Lae, do you mind sharing a room with Gale?" You asked, lowering your tone.

"Tck, are you trying to bed me and Gale?" She shot you a cold glance as you feing ignorance.

She could think whatever if it meant you wouldn't hear her complaining every night. If you had to share a room with someone, you were oddly more comfortable with the idea of sharing your space with Astarion, and maybe it was for the fact that you were already closer. Feeding him every night meant learning how to share a small space and a closeness you were not willing to share with much people. Then in those nights you couldn’t rest, you’d sit together in front of the fire as you opened up to each other. It was a slow process for both of you, a little at a time you’d feed each other with bits of your hearts. You even mentioned a few times about that loneliness that was always devouring you, though you made sure to sugarcoat it a little, and he was very understanding of the bits you gave him.

You felt that you'd be more at ease with someone that understood loneliness the way you did, someone that wouldn't cross the boundaries unless you allowed him, cause if there was something you liked about him, it was the work he was doing on himself, relearning behaviors he couldn't claim before. Like the meaning of the word 'no', and how to trust, though he still pretended he didn't like anyone.

It was a shield he would put on, so that he couldn't get hurt or worse, rejected. He shared it with you in another sleepless night.

Though elves didn't need to sleep, during meditation something very akin to dreams was happening: your mind would focus on events of the past, over and over again, and you weren’t fond of your past crawling out again unwanted. Nevertheless, you both enjoyed sleep, there was something about those hours of nothingness that it made you breathe.

Your attention was quickly drawn back to the room when Astarion and Gale were still bantering when Lae'zel lost her temper. "I'm done with you" She pulled out her knife menacingly, a good way to keep Gale in check when he would cling.

She pointed the knife towards Astarion first. "Tck, you take your stuff to Tav" She ordered, everyone's eyes were wide as they witnessed how she put them in check. Then she pointed the blade towards Gale, not a second of hesitation in her voice. "You sleep with me. You take the bed, I take the floor." She didn't wait for anyone's opinion, she picked up her belongings and disappeared behind a door.

You could still hear her complaining through the closed door. "Tchk, I don't like beds anyways, they are too soft"

Deep down you appreciated what she did, she understood more than what she gave away, and you would have to thank her one of those nights.

Everyone looked at each other speechless, before taking their turn to leave. It was an odd silence, a rare occurrence in your not so little marry-band.

The room was definitely better than what you could see from a glimpse. It wasn't big, but the bed was big enough to fit you and Astarion comfortably, while the partition was just enough to create a nice bathing corner.

The bed was made with a set of linen sheets, and covered with a thick duvet to fight the cold of the shadow-cursed lands.

You dropped your bag on the right side of the bed before making a beeline to the tub. You spent a solid two weeks only in the underdark, the lack of water to wash you was agony.

You made good use of your magic by filling the tub with it, and keeping it warm. You labeled create bonfire useless a long time ago, when you noticed it was not enough to even roast a goblin, but it worked wonders for baths when you were short on time.

You were quick to discard your clothes and sink in the hot water, the steam coated the mirror in the room, as you allowed the water to caress your body.

Only a few minutes in the water passed by, and you realized how exhausted you were. Your movements were slow as you scrubbed away the dirt and sweat from your skin. You untied your hair, finally relaxing your sore scalp as you took your time massaging in your shampoo.

You wanted to go out for dinner, but when you put on your clean clothes, and tucked yourself under the comforter, that inevitable loneliness started growing thick on your body.

You wrapped your arms around your pillow as for a moment you wanted to disappear. Though you didn't want to move from there, you grabbed a book from your bag, your mage hand opening it and holding it for you as you tried to get distracted.

What was worse than being touch starved and in severe need of affection? Picking up the wrong book.

A fantastical love story between gods. If the book could make Umberlee and Valkur fall in love and find balance then why were you still alone?

You wondered if your parents angered a god when they were younger, and as a curse you ended up being shadowed by the incessant feeling of loneliness.

As Umberlee cradled against Valkur's chest, you couldn't take it anymore. You dispelled the hand, letting the book drop down on the bed, careless if you lost the page you were at.

Your eyes pooled with the familiar salty tears, that night in particular it felt harder to shield yourself from the pain. So before you could fully have control of your body, the warm tears were flowing out like a river.

It was your routine, in a way, to just let everything out at night instead of bottling it up, though the warmth of the comforter was not enough to satiate the warmth you wish hugged your body, yet you still tried your best to imagine it was a warm body that was pressed against yours. A soft hug that was trying to shield you from the outside. A whisper that reminded you it was okay to feel like this. Yet at the end of the day, you simply hid behind the delusion.

You didn't know how long you stayed there, in that fetal position you couldn't help but ball yourself into. Even after you finished all your tears and all that was left of it was the stains on your cheeks and your wet pillow, before Astarion appeared from the door, you were still cradled in that position.

You didn't speak or move, you just sunk a little more under the duvet.

"I noticed you didn't join everyone for dinner." He walked to your side of the bed, you couldn't see him but you could follow his footsteps before feeling his cold hand tap on your shoulder.

"So I brought you some food" His voice was a whisper, as he slowly looked around the room, and then to you. Trying to catch what was going on. Insight check: succeeded.

"I know you are not feeling well, darling." He sat on the side of the bed, his hand gently swiping away a lock of your hair so he could catch a glimpse of your face. "But you need to eat something" This was a side of Astarion which you rarely had the chance to see, it was reserved for those nights where you allowed him to drink from you: the ever so soft touch and a voice that felt raw, more.. intimate. It was something that always made you cry later when you'd be alone, the closest you've been to that kind of physical touch you missed so much.

So many nights you wondered if he would be this soft with everyone he'd bed, until he admitted he didn't know how to be kind, caring, sweet, if not for show, and he wanted to give you some kindness back.

You risked so much for him, including your neck, so he wanted to give you back at least a soft touch before leaving you to sleep, or the closest thing to some affection that he could manage.

So whenever he'd give you even the smallest of touches, you'd bask in it, taking as much as you could even from those small interactions.

His voice shook you from your thoughts again, his thumb swiped away a tear you didn't know you were shedding.

"My darling, what's going on?" You could feel the concern snicker between the honeyed words, trying to coax an answer from your quivering lips.

You wanted to find an excuse, something that would be much more serious than feeling lonely, yet all you said was that last word, a pained croak that escaped your lips.

Your heart clenched tightly as he hesitated just for a moment, wondering how much he could do to help you, without scaring you away.

But then he sat up, he took off the outer layer of his clothes, almost making you wonder if he already brushed your pained confession aside. He quickly reached in his bag for his nightshirt and made his way under the duvet.

He didn’t forget, at all.

With his face to yours he leaned forward, his palm touching your warm cheek as he finally could see you better. You tilted your head, almost silently begging for that innocent touch. Yearning for it.

His thumbs slowly dried your skin, catching the tears that would spill.

You both laid there in silence, you closed your eyes to avoid his stare, which was concentrated in taking in your shivering body.

"I understand," He whispered, almost as if they were hiding from someone. "I feel lonely too, every night" His voice was just like a caress against your ears, though it hid your same pain.

You wanted to say something, but no words would come out. The tadpole in your head squirmed, reminding you of its abilities just for a second.

Astarion didn't hesitate nor forced you out as you probed his mind, and when you were safely tucked in there, you just allowed your thoughts to flow free. Your every emotion spilling like a cup of coffee on the floor, even- accidentally- some of those memories of the loneliest nights where you just wanted to give up.

As soon as you slipped out from his brain, you sunk your head in your pillow, trying to hide those tears that you were starting to hate so much.

You couldn't comprehend what was happening at first, until your warm skin met with Astarion's cold chest. His arms held you close as he waited for you to raise your eyes to his.

He didn't know what he was about to say or do, he just allowed his dead and touch-starved heart to take control.

Your gazes mixed in the middle, the veil that usually covered his emotions was pulled away, exposing his own hurt, his own need for affection, before his words struck you.

It was the occasional broken syllables that caught your ear, the way his mouth twitched and twisted before finishing a sentence, and the way his body would stiffen as he'd almost felt like a plea. It was not just to comfort you that he did whatever he did, it was for him as well.

He needed it just as much as you did.

His words would still echo in your brain whenever he'd caress your cheek.

"Let's pretend just for a few hours that we are okay, that we fell in love. Let's pretend to be vulnerable. I'll be here pretending until you need me to, cause at the end of the day, we both deserve to feel loved, even if only for a split second. Let's pretend we are not alone." It was something between a hopeful proposal and a sad begging, something that reverberated through you like nothing has ever done before. His eyes were barely open as he still held you, you could tell from the way his fingers lingered on your exposed skin that he was taking the most out of this, for the eventuality that you'd move away from your grasp.

Instead you leaned completely against him, your head resting against his chest as you nodded.

His body softened around yours, his legs intertwining with yours as he'd place a kiss on your head.

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nataliasquote · 2 months

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Welcome To My Head At Midnight | n romanoff

Summary: Natasha Romanoff is her own worst enemy and maybe this fight isn’t one she’s so sure she can win.

Warnings: more depressing stuff, mentions of anxiety, panic attacks, isolation, depression, overall angst

wc: 2k

note: inspired by ‘Midnight’ by Bow Anderson. I listen to it too often so why not write a one shot about it to fuel angst. I’ve worked on this in small bits for a few nights now, and it’s not a fic exactly, but anyway, here it is :) enjoy

-⧗-

They say the brightest smiles hold the darkest secrets, their shimmering landscape a disguised war zone of trepidation. And those who dared tread there risked mutilation of their closest loved ones in exchange for the truth. No one came out of there unscathed, but perhaps the one who could never leave had it the worst.

Natasha knew how to keep herself occupied. Her work was her top priority, not having a secure bond with family nor friends to latch onto in her darkest hours. She threw herself into whatever she could, often picking up extra should she find simply a few spare minutes in her day.

But those hours weren’t taken for the hell of it. Her body wasn’t driven into the ground and her knuckles weren’t battered and bruised just for the fun of it. She needed solace, but nothing was ever strong enough to keep the lid on the overflowing terrors in her mind. She never would be strong enough, for this kind of pain was never made to be handled alone.

But the Black Widow, a feared warrior, would only ever be alone. Her hand crafted smile was simply a ruse but no one seemed to see through the cracks in her mask, no matter how large they felt from the inside. Her master manipulation worked a little too well, her silent cries for help falling upon deaf ears.

Among all of this, she couldn’t slow down. Just a momentary standstill had her grip on her emotions slipping, one by one her fingers losing contact with the sheer cliff face she found herself hanging from. Natasha may fight assassins and aliens with a fearless prowess, never batting an eyelid or showing a flicker of terror.

But the same could not be said for her own mind. The part of her that formed her every thought and controlled her every movement was simultaneously destroying her from the inside out. Her thoughts paralysed her, a punch to the gut when her guard was at her lowest. But no hours of running would ever let her escape these violent clutches that her fears had on her. She was trying to lose her shadow, an impossible fight.

She was always two steps ahead of both her enemies and her anxieties. The faintest lurch of her stomach or tightening of her chest had her appearing at Fury’s door in a breathless stupor, voice icy as she demanded an immediate mission. Her superior had his skepticism but always agreed, sending her across the country at the drop of a hat. Natasha never cared where she went; frankly, she never noticed. She would go anywhere, do anything.

But even she was forced to have days off. They felt like a fever dream, and Natasha found herself unable to partake in the excitable chatter rumbling among her friends at the prospect of their weekend plans. She could barely muster a smile, never mind a verbal reply whilst her hands began to tremble and her eyes turned glossy. Dread sank into the depths of her stomach like a stone - a day off meant isolation, it meant fighting her battles by herself - a death wish. Relaxation would never come, yet she braved a smile and lied through her teeth to dodge the inevitable questions.

Lifting her aching body out of bed was an impossible task. Her pillow was often soaked with tear stains but she barely noticed as her cool palms hit the wet fabric. The heavy curtains that fell to block out the world never twitched, and sunlight never got the chance to kiss her pale complexion. She didn’t want a reminder of what the day was like for everyone else. She remained a victim to the darkness, both inside and out.

There were no interruptions, why would there be? What little sleep she got was plagued by nightmares and she still shook from the aftermath as she shuffled to the bathroom, legs shaky and cheeks damp. The harsh reflection in the mirror only highlighted her anxious state, so she ignored it, too scared to be faced with what she knew would stare back at her. Mirrors across her room were covered up- she’d go crazy if they weren’t.

Natasha hated this side of her. Where was the tough woman she was supposed to be? How could she feel this much emotion when it had been beaten out of her since she could walk. How did any of it still remain? Nevermind enough to debilitate her and curl itself around her windpipe, slowly crushing her from the inside out and forcing every last piece of hope out.

She knew she was a failure, but not to this extent. Despite her success, she was fucking up her life and the demons in her head screamed this to her over and over. There were so many little girls who looked up to her. They admired the strength she had and her resilience and she wished she could tell them to stop when they uttered the words she was scared to hear.

“When I grow up, I want to be just like you.”

No you don’t. You really don’t.

Because they never got that insight into how she really survived each grueling day. They never saw the way her legs gave way the moment she stepped through the door, or how her hand clamped so tightly over her chapped lips her sobs were muffled. No one saw how many times she’d had to sweep pieces of shattered glass from her floor after her shaking hands had lost their grip on a cup, or the state of her nails after she’d picked them to death in an attempt to calm herself.

Everyone only saw what they wanted to see; the good. They didn’t want to know the bad. But Natasha had no choice, she had to live this nightmare. Her whole life had been spent running and she was exhausted from the fear that was always moments away from drowning her. It rested in her stomach like a grenade, the slightest movement could jostle and be fatal. But sometimes it felt more like the lingering touch of a ghostly figure, slowly dragging a nail down her back and igniting all her nerve endings so her body was on fire.

This ever-tense state that she had found herself in was exhausting and Natasha was tired. Simple tasks had become a chore and even small trips to the grocery store would result in a sudden, debilitating wave of tears and laboured breaths. A box of cereal still in hand as she kneeled on her kitchen floor, forehead pressed against the cupboard as she cried a silent scream. Anxiety hit her like a truck completely unexpected, snuffing any hope she had of a ‘good’ day.

But the worst times were the silent days. She had no tears to cry out, no thoughts to tumble into a panic attack about. She was just floating somewhere between wake and sleep, a hazy mess of a woman with no life behind her eyes.

There truly was no one who was worse of an enemy that she was to herself. She wasn’t afraid of death - no one was able to kill her.

No one but herself.

No one could love a killer like her. All the lives she had taken without a single drop of remorse, moving through crowds with a holstered gun like a goddamn machine.

Shoot, reload, repeat. Shoot. Reload. Repeat.

Where did ‘cry’ fit into this? Where did ‘self loathe’ fit into this? Where did ‘drown inside your own mind’ fit into any of this?

It didn’t. It shouldn’t.

Silence wasn’t a word in Natasha’s vocabulary. Screams rang in her ears like tinnitus, although she probably had that too.

‘No one’s going to love you’ she would mutter as she obsessed over her reflection with burning red eyes. Not with those scars. And certainly not when she was so fucked in the head. Who would want to love someone who spent the whole day smiling only to come home, flick off the lights, crawl under the covers and completely break down?

She hated that she craved someone’s touch, the coldness of her pillow failing to replicate the comfort a human would bring. But she was nothing if not a living, painful contradiction. Natasha never let herself get close to people, too scared they’d see the horrors she had to endure. So the chances of ever having someone to hold her at night was becoming slimmer by the day. But it was all the broken little girl inside her wanted. To hear someone’s comforting voice whisper in her ear that she wasn’t a monster. She wouldn’t believe them, her anxiety would fight against it, but to not go through this alone? It hurt her more than she’d ever admit.

The waves got stronger throughout the day until midnight hit and Natasha felt as though she was suffocating, water flooding her lungs as the monsters in her mind finally crawled out of their caves. It was just her in this lonely fight, weakly holding her weapons only to find them clattering to the ground in a matter of minutes.

She was tired, so tired of constantly fighting. She wasn’t born to be a soldier, she was born to be a lover, to be loved. But her trembling lip and curled up body tightened as she wrapped her arms around herself in a grounded effort to ease the pain.

As she silently shook in her bed and finally gave into the horrors, allowing them to submerge her under for another night and drain her energy and desire to live, there was one underlying question that felt heavier than everything else.

Was this her life now? Would she ever win? Or would the end of Natasha Romanoff come not from a wound gained out on the battlefield, but rather from one that had festered inside her for years, slowing growing and expanding until it consumed her in her entirety.

Was there anything worth living for anymore?

#natasha romanoff #marvel #natasha romanoff x reader #fanfic #black widow #natasha romanoff angst #mental health #marvel angst #natasha romanoff oneshot #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff fanfic #angst no comfort #natasha romanoff x you

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pumpkinbxtch · 3 months

Note

Greetings again, since you replied that you write for Lester I wanted to give you my request, without obligation or rush obviously. I had thought of a one-shot set during The Trials of Apollo where reader knows about Lester's crush on Reyna and is extremely jealous about it, so much so that when he is rejected, reader doesn't even want to give him a little support. With a happy ending because I don't need my depression at my door! Thanks again for your availability and I apologize for the inconvenience and misunderstandings since English is not my language. ☀️

“hope python eats you” ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

— apollo x fem!reader

summary: do you like Apollo. does he like you? uhmm no. he likes Reyna and you're dying of jealousy. but perhaps the situation is not so hopeless. warning: swear words. a/n: heeyyyy, here you haveeeee. i'm hopin' that you like this. Reyna and Apollo's scene is one of my favorites, it makes me laugh how she reject him. haha, poor baby. Thank you for trusting me 💙 - Kisses from saturn, maría

Why did you have to get along so well with Reyna?

You took a sip of your apple juice and caught Apollo looking at her; those little glances, the nervous giggles and the babbling when he was around her.

You shifted in your seat, snorting and letting out small curses. Why did you have to fall in love with him? It was literally the worst.

Inside your thoughts you heard a gasp and felt water splashing right into your face. You looked ahead, disoriented. Apollo had red cheeks and stammered apologies.

— dork! — Meg shouted at him, hitting the guy on the shoulder. She looked at you and you rolled your eyes. It was like the third time Apollo ended up spilling his food just because Reyna caught him watching, always ended up all over you or Meg.

Cherry soda dripped from your chin.

He looked at you worried, more for his personal good because of what you could do to him.

— Sorry!

You lifted slightly from your seat and grabbed napkins to dry yourself.

— You are an idiot. I don't know why I don't help Python eat you.— You touched your cheeks.

— Hey!

Meg let out a laugh, making you break your scowl. How horrible love was.

—Gods, why me?! — Meg shouted, cutting her underbrush with her scimitar. You watched her out of the corner of your eye while you took stones and threw them with force. One of them with such force that it was buried in the surface of a fruit.

You wished that were the face of Apollo

— You wish it were Apollo's face.

You laughed and nudged Meg, clearly playing.

— Meg, kill me. I hate that I like your brother.

Meg shook her head and continued digging with the tips of her swords. You climbed a few more meters and the antenna was already visible.

— I don't understand how you like him.

You let out a whimper.

A laugh echoed and both of you turned around.

—They're having a good time— You murmured, trying to escalate further. You tilted your head, trying to listen better. —Is that laugh from Reyna?

Meg narrowed her eyes at the sound and nodded. —yep.

Practically, after almost dying and hanging from high altitudes, you were able to eat in the comfort of the camp. But to be honest, your hands were still shaking.

You didn't know if it was because you had witnessed the death of another god or because you couldn't believe that Apollo had proposed to Reyna and that she had, in fact, rejected him.

Maybe it was the second.

The moans echoed around the table again.

— I'm an idiot.

Meg looked at you out of the corner of her eye. Your look was gone and half of your food was cold.

Maybe you were overwhelmed by everything, actually.

Another squeal from Apollo made you clench your fork.

— SHUT UP!

You screamed and threw the metal cutlery at him, making him scream.

—You should hug me and cry with me.

You snorted.

— Never, I don't know why you told Reyna your feelings like that!

—And how was I supposed to do it?

— You are the god of poetry, shouldn't you already know that? You are a fake.

Apollo let out an indignant groan. He looked to Meg for support, but she agreed with you by nodding and extending her palm towards you.

— she has a point. Hmmm — and she went back to devouring her salad.

You went to sleep, and the first to fall like a log was Meg. You kept trying to shrink and squeeze your eyes until they finally stuck together, and slept, but you couldn't.

Stayed quiet and played with the seams of the mat you were resting on. You felt overstimulated, very restless and miserable. Almost as always, but this time it was for love.

Meg's soft snores made you smile.

The three had been through a lot up to that point. You had gotten used to it and feared what would happen next. You couldn't hide what you were feeling anymore, it was unfair to your sleep cycle.

Apollo could be unbearable, but he had a good heart. He learned consideration and to value effort. You had become hooked on that part of him and ended up falling in love.

You pressed the seams of the pillow together and let out a sigh.

— You don't sleep, either?

His voice behind you made your heart race. You cursed in your mind. The least you wanted was to talk to him.

— I was about to — You mumbled, a certain meanness could be heard in your voice. Apollo laughed softly, it almost seemed like he was humming a song.

— Sorry.

You adjusted the sheet.

— Alright.

—I'm sorry for spitting soda so many times in your face.— You struggled and wanted to prevent your heart from feeling anything because of his clumsy way of apologizing. But it was not like that.

—It's okay, Apollo. No hard feelings.

—Have I done something to make you upset with me all the time?

The question was suspended, and your hands began to sweat.

— What are you talking about? — You were thankful that you still turned your back on him. Any trace of drowsiness was left behind.

— I know I'm clumsy and very new to being mortal, but I've learned a lot. Partly thanks to you.—He paused and tapped your shoulder. You were a fool for him, so you turned around, coming face to face with him.

His blue eyes shone in the moonlight. He was funny, he looked beautiful underneath the opposite side of him.

Artemis might have gagged if she'd heard you say that.

His curls made like a second pillow for him, and you thought that was cute.

— Really? — Your voice barely came out in a thread.

Apollo nodded and gave you a sweet, slightly lazy smile. He pulled his hand out from under his blanket and caressed the frame of your face. The contact made you shudder, but you didn't move away.

You longed for his touch and be the reason for him to spit juice in others' faces.

You imitated his action. arms were crossed, while carefully caressed each other. Taking care of yourselves.

Apollo's heart warmed, and he felt a tug in his stomach.

Maybe you could have a chance, and that night had begun.

#maría's shared dreams☆｡ﾟ✧#lester papadopoulos #lester papadopoulos x reader #apollo x y/n #apollo x you #apollo #apollo x reader #trials of apollo #pjo hoo toa #lester papadopoulos x you

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irwinsblender · 2 months

Text

inner demons

a/n: i’ve written this over the span of a few weeks bc my mental health has been down the drain recently and i needed an outlet. i wasn’t sure about uploading this, but here it is anyway

also used these pictures of ashton bc that’s how i imagine he’d look when listening to you rant about how you’re feeling

pairing: ashton x reader

summary: your mental health has been getting worse again and ashton is there to try and help you through it

warnings: depression, self harm, reference to suicide - and please, if you find any of these triggering, don’t read this fic

word count: 3k

✩ ✩ ✩

winter was one of the worst times of year for you. specifically, for your mental health. the dreary, rainy and cloudy weather, days becoming dark hours earlier than in the summer was always hard on you.

your mental health was bad already. you’d been suffering with depression for quite a long time now. it first started at school when you couldn’t deal with exams along with certain horrible people in your classes, that seemed to linger for a few years after you graduated.

just when you thought things were getting better, the pandemic hit, causing you to relapse and become worse than before. you didn’t know how to deal with all of the terrible thoughts that were constantly going around your head, including thoughts telling you to hurt yourself.

and you did, you turned to that to help you cope with feeling so exhausted. in the end, it didn’t really help. but you had nothing else to help you.

until you met ashton irwin. your now boyfriend.

you’d never met anyone as caring as him. he always listened to anything you had to say, he was there for you when you needed to rant; most of all, he didn’t leave after you told him about your struggles.

in fact, he empathised with you. telling you about his struggles and ways he tried to get through them. he promised then and there that he would always be there to support you and would never judge you for any of your thoughts or emotions.

you always appreciated ashton, but you found it hard to tell him when you were beginning to struggle more again. you felt pathetic not being able to cope on your own, you felt like a burden in his life every time you had to involve him in your problems.

this was one of those times.

it had been a long day, or at least it felt like it had been. it was raining all day, something you hated. you hadn’t been able to get out of bed, you hadn’t eaten, only had a drink of water which ashton brought to you before he left the house earlier in the day.

you’d been sitting in the bathroom for the past hour with the door locked. you’d told ashton you were going to have a shower, but, you never got that far. ashton would’ve noticed that the noise of the shower never started, but he’s always been respectful to leave you to whatever you need to do.

it was different this time though. it was too quiet. he was sat in the living room, planning on cooking you both a nice dinner. however, you’d been acting different today. you’d been quiet, not as cheerful as usual when he arrived home from being elsewhere.

you were sat on the closed toilet, leaning against the counter as tears fell down your face. deciding if you were going to do what your mind had been telling you to do. you didn’t want to hurt yourself again, but what choice did you have? nothing else helped. it was practically staring you in the face from where you’d placed the sharp object on the counter.

you looked down at your arms, marks from a couple of weeks ago that were starting to heal properly. marks you hadn’t told ashton about. ashton knew you struggled more at this time of year; he’d been busy recently with work, he hadn’t had time to notice things going even more downhill.

while you were contemplating your choices, ashton had been making his way upstairs. he decided that maybe you needed some company with showering. you told him previously that you find it comforting showering together, so that’s what he’d do.

he entered the bedroom, still hearing no movement. he tried to go into the bathroom, met with the door not budging. just the handle twisting. he couldn’t open the door. you’d locked it.

“sweetheart?” he called out, sudden worry washing over him. “you okay in there?”

you’d jumped at the sound of him trying to open the door, you don’t usually lock it, but it was necessary this time. you didn’t answer him, trying to muffle your cries.

“baby? please answer me,” you could hear the frustration and fear in his tone. “i’m here for you, i’m not going anywhere.”

“i’m fine, ash,” you sniffled. “just leave me alone.”

it came out harsher than you meant it to. your emotions playing a part. you never ask him to leave you alone. that only happened when you were in this kind of situation.

“i’m not leaving,” ashton replied. “talk to me, please, i’m here, whatever you need.”

you let out an accidental loud cry, placing your head in your hands as you couldn’t hold back your cries any longer. you were in so much pain it was hard to handle.

ashton’s heart broke hearing the way you were crying. why hadn’t he noticed you weren’t as happy as normal, why hadn’t he noticed your depression taking a toll again. he should’ve noticed.

“can you open the door, baby?” he asked, trying his luck before he’d have to figure something else out.

“no,” you said with a gasp, your crying almost uncontrollable as you moved to pick the object up from the counter.

your shaky hands weren’t helping, causing you to drop it, making a clanging noise as it hit the floor. you knew ashton would’ve heard it, he would’ve put two and two together. you couldn’t pick it up, crying even harder.

ashton was going through his nightstand already, trying to find the outside key for the bathroom door. he was panicking by now, frantically trying to find it, worried when he didn’t come upon it instantly. until, a light caught his eye on the dresser.

the light reflecting on the key, he quickly picked it up, going back to the bathroom door. he slid the key into the lock, twisting it two times until he heard it click.

he pushed it open, causing you to quickly try and turn away, rushing to pull the sleeves of your hoodie down before he could see anything. you wiped your eyes on your sleeves instead, only glancing over to him for a second.

ashton looked to you first, he couldn’t miss the way you pulled at your sleeves, he looked to the ground, seeing the razor there, but it was clean which gave him slight relief.

he moved it out of the way, walking to you slowly, crouching down beside you. he placed one hand on your knee, caressing his thumb back and fourth, the other on your waist.

“i’m here, baby, i’m here now,” he tried to reassure. “what do you need?”

you shook your head, you couldn’t even look at him. you felt pathetic, like a disgrace. you couldn’t look your own boyfriend in the eye because you were embarrassed about how badly you were handling things.

ashton saw the expression on your face, it was too familiar. the same a couple of years ago, when you were struggling, when you had been harming yourself. he knew what was going on now.

“it’s okay if you’re not doing okay, love,” he said, cupping your cheek in one of his hands, wiping away your tears.

“i’m fine,” you bluntly responded. “i’m always fine, everything is always just fine.”

your hurt started turning into slight anger. angry with yourself, angry with the way you kept going around in circles with your mental health. you got a little better, and then things always became worse. it’s the same thing over and over and over.

“baby—“

“just leave me alone,” you folded your arms, pushing his hands away from you. not thinking straight with the other thoughts clouding your mind.

“i don’t want you to be alone,” ashton softly replied, trying to keep calm in this situation. “you don’t have to go through this alone.”

“i’m handling it,” you tried to get a subtle look behind ashton, trying to find where the razor was. if you could just get him to leave—

“angel,” he got your attention. knowing that nickname would stop you from whatever else you’re thinking about. “you know it’s okay if you aren’t doing good, this isn’t something that will instantly go away, there are ups and downs and that’s okay. wherever you’re at now, i’m here to help you through it.”

you cried harder at that. everything was hurting. you were exhausted with life. you didn’t want to keep living like this.

“i’m sorry,” you cried, holding your hands over your face. “i’m so sorry.”

“hey, hey, it’s okay, why are you sorry?” ashton asked, standing himself up as he took your hands in his.

“i— i did it again,” you blubbered. taking a breath to try and control your crying. ashton didn’t know what you were talking about. “i know i said i’d talk to you if i felt that bad again, but i just— i couldn’t bring myself to tell you.”

then it clicked. he knew what you meant. locking yourself in the bathroom, the razor you’d dropped on the floor. you’d been self harming again.

“you don’t have to apologise for that, baby,” he sighed. “it’s not something easy to talk about, please don’t feel like you need to say sorry to me.”

you were quiet after he said that. trying not to keep crying the way you were while also trying to figure out what to say next. his hands were still in yours, not planning on letting go any time soon.

“i thought things were getting better,” you complained honestly. “i was happy travelling with you the last two months, and as soon as we got home everything started crashing down on me.”

“being on tour was a big distraction for you, a new city every night, seeing places you’ve never been before, you didn’t have time to think about anything else,” ashton reminded. “now we’re home, there’s days where we have nothing going on, it gives your mind time to overthink and for those bad thoughts to come back.”

you didn’t say anything after that, ashton could tell it wasn’t helping with you sitting in the bathroom, the razor behind him on the floor. he pulled at your hands softly, urging you to stand with him. thankfully you did, walking with him as he lead you through to the bedroom. he took you over to the bed, only letting go of your hands so he could sit back against the headboard.

“come here, love,” he held one arm out, waiting for you to get comfortable.

you sat down, shuffling over to him. your head resting against his shoulder, his arm around you to keep you close. he pressed a delicate kiss to your cheek, causing you to look up at him.

“i don’t know what to do,” you suddenly spoke. ashton allowing you to get your thoughts out. “this feels never ending, it feels like there’s no way out apart from—“

“baby,” he cut you off before you could finish your sentence. he knew what you were going to say, but he didn’t want to hear it come out of your mouth. “i know it’s hard, and i hate that you’re feeling like this again. you deserve so much happiness and i wish there was more i could do to take your pain away.”

“it hurts, ash,” you started to cry again, tears dropping down your cheeks continuously. “everything hurts so bad.”

he pulled you tighter against his chest, one hand on the back of your head, slowly running through your hair. he pressed soft kisses to your forehead every few moments, trying to let you know how much he loved you and that he was right there with you through this.

as your crying started to calm down, ashton took one of your hands in his, stretching out your arm slightly. you looked up at him, wondering what he was doing.

“can i see?” he asked.

you weren’t sure at first, but eventually nodded your head. he gently pulled up your sleeve, each mark, scar and any new cuts revealing themselves to him. you sighed seeing the upset look on his face.

“they’re horrible,” you sniffled. tugging your arm away from him. “i’m sorry.”

“they aren’t horrible, baby,” ashton held your hand. he ran his thumb over a couple of old scars, then he lifted your arm up, pressing kisses along the length of it. “they show strength. it shows you’ve been strong enough to fight to stay in this world.”

you didn’t know how he could see it like that. in your own head, it showed how weak you were, how bad you were at coping with life.

“you’re the strongest person i know,” ashton continued, pulling your sleeve back down as he kept your hand in his. “it takes strength to admit you aren’t doing good, so i’m proud of you for telling me.”

“i don’t know what to do, ash,” you slouched further into his grip, cheek pressed against his chest. “nothing’s getting better, i don’t know what to do to get better. this cycle is becoming too much to deal with.”

ashton could’ve cried hearing you say that. knowing the person he loved is feeling so defeated broke his heart. he would do anything it takes to make you feel better, to try and help you.

“i’m here for you, baby,” he stroked his hand softly through your hair. “anything you need me to do, just say the word, i promise i will always be here for you.”

“i don’t know what else will help,” you sniffled. “therapy didn’t work, the meds made me feel worse, there’s nothing else. i have nothing else.”

“you have me,” ashton cupped your cheek in his hand, lifting your head to look at him. “if you want me to listen, if you need advice, if you want me to distract you, or if you just want me to hold you while you cry, i'll be here. no matter what.”

he leaned down, kissing your forehead before pecking your lips a few times in a row. finally getting a small smile out of you. if he could see your smile every day, his life would be complete. that’s all he wanted. for you to be happy.

“i’m sorry for being like this again,” you sighed. not holding eye contact. “i don’t know how you put up with me.”

“i’m not putting up with this,” ashton shook his head. “i care about you, more than anything, i’ll do whatever it takes to make this a little easier for you to get through, because you can get through it.”

you shuffle down, your head resting on his stomach as you close your eyes. tired out from the chaos of your own mind.

“we could take a few trips,” ashton suggested. “you love travelling. i know you still have that list of places you want to visit.”

“i do, but…” you paused, opening your eyes as you squeezed ashton’s hand in yours. “what happens when we come home? i’ll just be like this again.”

“we’ll try and find other things for you to enjoy,” ashton was determined to stay positive in this situation. “you love to draw, you love to create art, and i’ve seen the way you watch me play the drums and guitar. i could teach you, give you something else to put your mind to.”

you thought for a moment, wiping your sleeves over your eyes one last time. you couldn’t believe ashton still wanted to bother with trying after how difficult and negative you always were in this situation.

“okay,” you mumbled. ashton was surprised to hear that you’ll do this. “i don’t know if it’ll help, but i’ll try.”

“that’s a start,” ashton smiled. “the best thing you can do is try. even if it takes time.”

you nodded. finally looking up at him. you shuffled yourself upwards, capturing his lips in a unexpected but loving kiss. placing your hand on his cheek softly as you pull away.

“how would you feel about getting a guitar?” he asked, hands on your waist pulling you to straddle him. “i know how much you love painting, we could buy some paint for it so you can make it your own.”

“i could paint little flowers on it,” you excitedly suggested. “and maybe some butterflies too, that would look pretty.”

ashton nodded in agreement, just happy that you were willing to do this to see if it’ll help having your mind preoccupied with something like learning how to play an instrument. he hoped this would help, hating seeing you hurting like this.

“well, the band has no plans on making new music just yet,” ashton tucked your hair behind your ears. “we could take a trip soon… italy maybe?”

“really? you want go to italy before going back to australia?” you asked, one of your bucket list places, knowing how much he wanted to head back to australia after tour ended.

“australia can wait, i want to make sure you’re okay first.”

you let out a long breath, leaning towards him to wrap your arms around his neck, his arms around your back as he hugged you as close to him as he could get you. he kissed your cheek, making sure you knew he would always be there for moments like this.

“i love you,” he said quietly. “remember i’ll always be here, for anything you need. you don’t have to go through this alone.”

“i don’t know what i’d do without you,” you held him tighter. “i love you, ash.”

a few more tears threatened to leave your eyes as you hugged. you truly didn’t think you’d be here anymore if ashton hadn’t come into your life when he did. and now he can be your anchor that grounds you and gives you a reason to try and live this life, no matter how tough it might be.

✩ ✩ ✩

taglist: @hexsdexs @conspiracy-ash @oliviah-25 @superbloomrry | if you would like to join my taglist, please comment here or see this post

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #ashton irwin #ashton irwin fic #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin x reader #ashton irwin fanfic #ashton irwin imagines #5sos fic #5sos imagine #5sos imagines #ashton irwin fluff #5sos fanfic #5sos x reader #loz writes

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tpwkwriter · 1 year

Note

u r my fave writter everrrr! And I wanted to recommend H helping the reader with anxiety, depression, an eating disorder and like a traumatic childhood. THANK YOUUUUU

My comfort.

First of all thank you so, so much Not only for your request but lovely words! 🥰

And wowser A traumatised y/n! 🫢but luckily H is there hey!

*Warnings* mentions of depression, anxiety, trauma,drug use!, body dysmorphia, struggles with eating and various mental health issues! My dms are open always! 🤎

Love your beautiful selfs! 🫶🏼

— — — — —

Ever since a young age y/n had been through various battles.

Her childhood was far from mundane, when she was about 9 her parents took to several different substances and would happily leave y/n and her sister alone for many hours through the day.

When the girl hit her early teens she was aware of what was going on and that realisation hit her like a ton of bricks, knowing her parents would rather be out doing his knows what, with god knows who then actually looking after her and her sister

When it was time for secondary school, y/n would still admit that this was the worst time for her. 7 hours of constant work to come home and play mother. The constant comparisons to her and her classmates drove her mad, the reminder of exams and work it was all a bit much.

When she hit 17 she went to college and took part in a weekend job to earn some money on the side. Of course her parents eyes lit up once they heard money was being made.

On y/n’s sisters 12th birthday y/n was finally able to buy her gifts and treat the young girl. However this didn’t go down with the rest of the family, y/n recalls this memory very clearly even though she’s been trying to repress it for years.

The argument they had that evening was booming, her father threw anything he could get his hands on, her mother threw every insult and shaming word there was, all of this because she wouldn’t lend them money?

The night quickly escalated when an empty vase was threw at y/n leaving a cut on her wrist that scarred and she still sees to this day.

From that night y/n picked up longer shifts, and more hours just for a bit more money and financial stability.

By her 18th birthday she could afford her first car, wasn’t anything grand but the freedom it allowed her was amazing, she finally felt proud of how she’s done this all herself, she finally felt pride in herself and not self hatred.

Fast forward to age 25 and her life was something she wasn’t expecting.

She was with one of the most recognisable faces, who was able to show her parts of the world she never thought she could, he gave her the biggest comfort and safe feeling that she ever so lacked.

Her sister was currently 21 living with her own boyfriend and was equally as happy, and both of them was as close as ever.

Y/n loved Harry with everything in her, and wanted no chance or risk that he would walk out on her. Y/n adamantly worked on her figure everyday, she started off her morning in the gym, went for a run at-least once a week, this was good n all but she slowly started slipping meals and going past them.

It was currently nearing 6pm and H had just come back from the studio and long day.

“Alright love?” He asks putting a hand on her waist and kissing her cheek as she was finalising dinner.

“Oh my god H” she giggled

“Y’made me jump! Didn’t hear y’come in” she smiled

“Was m’plan” he smirked kissing her again.

“How was y’day” he ask, reaching the top cupboard for too glasses knowing she wouldn’t be able to reach them.

“Was okay, got Tomorrow off so no excuse to get rid of me” she smiled.

“You?” She asked

“S’okay busy, happy to have our day tomorrow”

Dinner was finalised, and the both sat at the table speaking through there day to each other.

“Y’been to the gym today?” He asked

“Yeah” she answered.

“Did 2 hours in there today!!” She said proudly.

“M’proud of you darling, make sure we’re not overworking ourselves right?” He asks slipping her a look that was all too familiar.

“M’not, I just wanna stay, like this I guess?” She smiles.

“What do you mean baby? Y’gorgeous” he states.

“Have you eaten today?” He asks stopping in his tracks to watch her.

“Um” she wonders.

“I mean, m’eating right now, but I just wasn’t hungry really” she claims, taking another spoonful of her food to her mouth.

“Y/nnnnn” he playfully drags

“I promise I’ll eat more tomorrow, just, wasn’t hungry today!” She smiles.

“Y’did 2 hours in the gym and didn’t eat anything after?” He asks tone getting deeper and eyebrows raising.

“I really I didn’t mean to, I was running errands after and I forgot” she says standing up from her seat collecting the plates from them both.

H joins her in kitchen and helps her tidy up.

“Thanks H” she said.

“N’worries, thanks for dinner love” he says kissing her temple swiftly.

“Gonna get dressed, and then we can watch one of your bloody documentaries?” He smiles

“Y’know it H” she blushes.

They reluctantly parted, y/n found herself bundled up on the couch with a fluffy blanket awaiting her loves return, she found herself scrolling mindlessly on instagram.

When your current boyfriend has exes in the like of Kendall Jenner, cara delavine and Camille Rowe it’s often hard not to feel worse compared to them, curiosity took y/n over and she clicked on Camille’s instagram page, she was greeted with selfies, pictures of events she’s been too, her with her friends and various other things, her beautiful eyes, her shiny long hair, her model figure, she was straight out of a magazine.

Suddenly all of y/n’s work felt pointless, no matter what she would always be compared to these fashionable girls, that familiarity hits her once again.

She set her phone down and focused on the Tv in-Front of her and fell deeper into her fluffy blanket she was cuddling.

Without a word of exchange H joins her back on the sofa, sits next to the girl and guides her legs to his lap, allowing his fingers to gently trace over her shins and ankles.

“I love you” she says eyes remaining glued to the screen.

His movements stop and he turns his head to her.

“I love you too”

The night was slowly closing and the couple slowly started there evening routine.

Y/n was in there shared bathroom going through with her skincare before bed, a million thoughts popped up at once, she didn’t know if It was her anxiety or just her clear overthinking tendencies

Y/n glanced in the mirror, all she saw was all imperfections, she couldn’t even compare to Taylor swift or Kendall Jenner in anyway shape or form.

“Baby Y’alright?” Harry asked from the other side of the door.

She quickly tapped her phone to see the time just to realise she’s spent nearly an hour locked in the bathroom.

“Yeah baby m’now Coming out” she said shaking the train of though out of her head.

Silent tears roll down her face.

Him. He was so amazing in everything he did. His voice was safe. His words were so comforting. The thought of him not being around her terrified the shit out of her.

— — — — —

Part 2 coming soon!

Hopefully you all like this! There will be a part 2 as I don’t want this to be a really long fic, because I have many ideas what I want done with this!!! 🤎

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missbunnybunny · 1 year

Text

- I was never enough, huh?- Widow

This is how Widow came to be in 141 + how she got her name. Cws : toxic relationships, toxic household, trauma, broken and fixed relationships, depression, yelling, suicidal thoughts, manipulation, attempted suicide, many more that I’ll add later, if I don’t forget. If you're reading this and it’s really short, just know I accidentally posted this without finishing. 😅😅

“ Hey, how are ya feeling, kid?” Price asked. You didn’t say a word just blankly stared up at him. It had been a couple of weeks since the incident. At first, you were just telling everyone that you were fine.

But slowly, your mask was starting to slip off and crack. You no longer had your smile, your happy go lucky attitude, everything that made widow….well Widow.

Ghost had been trying to get you to talk or even crack a smile. Soap and Gaz had gotten you some of your favorite food and took you to your favorite places. The flower field you found in the woods, the river, and so on, but none of them worked.

Price had taken you on some walks, and König had tried to make you feel better. He even got you some stuff animals. But nothing worked. You just became a shell of your former self.

You felt like you were back home. One night, while ghost was walking to his room, he heard crying. He followed the sound and came to your room. He softly knocked at the door and waited. After some time, he heard some shuffling. Soon, the door opened. He stared down at a red-faced, teary-red eyes, shaking widow.

“ You wanna talk about it , lil lady” ghost asked. He was sincere, but it came out sounding sarcastic. You laughed a little to the shock of ghost. “ y-you haven’t called me that I-in a while.” In between hiccups and a hoarse voice. You invited him in, and he walked in and followed behind you. “ what’s troubling you?” He asked softly. You looked up at him.

You took a deep breath and exhaled, “ haven't really told you everything, have I?” You said. ghost shook his head, “ Well I’ll take it from the start, so take a seat. we gonna be here for a while.” You told ghost, he moved a little and got comfortable. “ am here. So, nothing you say will make me run.” He said with a chuckle.

“It all started when I was 5 or so. My parents had been arguing and fighting. I can’t remember why they even stared. My older brother took me and my little brother to his room.” Ghost nodded, telling me silently to carry on.

“ he was 8 at the time, I guess we were too young to understand. But Michael, being the oldest, took most of the hits for us. Mom was a frail lady. She would tell us to play hide and seek when dad got to drunk.”

“She would come into our rooms and would say hide and seek time. Find your best spot, and don’t come out until I find you. Alex and I would always hide together in the toy box in the closet, while Michael would hide under a pile of toy in the corner.” I laughed humorlessly. “ Being the only girl didn’t help either.

My father would come from work and yell at me. Why I wasn’t as smart as my brother, why I wasn’t as strong as him, why I was even born a girl. Mom would always come running, telling off my father and hugging my tightly to her chest.”

Ghost patted my back, giving me comfort the best he could. “ By the time Michael was 18, I was 15, and Alex was 13. Mom’s health took a turn for the worst. We had learned why we played hide and seek and why father had always hated me. He hated me for looking so much like mom. He hated me for being me, a kid.”

“ Michael moved out and got a job. He promised he would come back for use. But I guess a taste of freedom from our father, our home, was all he needed. He stopped calling, visiting, and soon we stopped seeing him. I was the oldest now, I was just a child. I became a mother to my little brother, a maid, a slave to my fathers cruel words. I lost my childhood.”

“ mom, got better after some treatment. She could walk on her own, and she told my father that enough was enough. She was going to divorce him. It was a hope for the future. But that was all cut short when, in the end, he became the death of her, all the beating, all the manipulation, finally came to get her. She died of stress. Her coworkers said she was calling out our names.” I started to cry. Mother was the light we looked to, our saving light at the end of the tunnel, but she was gone.

Ghost healed my hand, telling it was okay, “ You can take a break, you know?” He said. I shook my head “ I’ll never finish if I stop now.” Wiping the tears from my face. I took a breath and continued.

“ When I was turning 17, I had had enough. I wrote a letter to my father telling him how much I hated him, I wrote a letter to my brother, telling him how much I loved him. And that I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough. Just when I had finished writing my letters, I took a bottle of pills and drowned them.”

“ I was slipping in and out, I felt light like I was floating. I had come to terms with my own demise, I thought, since my father didn’t love me, and my brother abandoned us, no one would care if I died. But I was wrong. Alex came into my room maybe 10 minutes after I had taken the pills. He told me he wanted to surprise me with the cake he managed to bring home, he thought I was sleeping until he saw the letter.”

“ he read the letter, and soon he started running to my side, shaking me. He saw the empty bottle and stared to panic even more. He managed to pump my stomach. He sat by my side the whole time, waiting until I woke up, and when I finally opened my eyes. He cried. He cried and beg me never to do it again he couldn’t live without me. I was his only family left, and he couldn’t lose me.”

“ I had felt like I didn’t matter like I was nothing, I had to grow up and be an adult instead of a kid. I guess I was naïve to believe that my brother wouldn’t notice. He gave me the cake while crying and singing happy birthday. And we came to the session to burn the letters, I was going to live, if not for myself, then for him.”

“ I got a part-time job, I managed to save enough money to buy myself a phone, and it was a few months or so later, when I received a message from an unknown number. It was Michael. At first, I didn’t want to respond.

I didn’t even want to speak to him. But Alex told me to hear him out, and so I reluctantly I did. He told me how father changed the houses phone number, how every time he tried to visit, father would threaten him. He couldn’t risk getting us hurt, so he decided to go away.”

“ it was the first time in years, I had heard the truth from my brother. He didn’t abandon us. Our father drove him away. He loved us. He actually tried to fight for custody, but father threatened that if he even took it to court, he was going to kill him.”

“ When Alex turned 16, I was 18, we packed our stuff, and in the middle of the night, we ran away. Michael was waiting for us outside the house. We ran and never looked back. You were finally free. Michael had decided to join the army. We keep in touch, but not as frequently. Last time, I heard he was stationed in Germany. Alex is in the Navy. He’s stationed in Korea, and I’m here.”

“ Do you remember when you met me?” I asked ghost. He nodded “ yea, you were close to dying.” He said.

“ yeah” I responded. “ hours before you found me, my ex fiancé had beaten me, took all my savings, and kicked me out. He had been cheating on me, so he decided that he had had enough of playing with me, with my feelings.

I actually thought you were death itself coming to collect my broken soul. You helped me up and took me back to my old apartment. ” You laugh as you remember this part. It was what made you start trusting the masked man.

“ You kicked down the door. Pulled my ex fiancé by his shirt and punch him in the face. You helped me pack up my stuff before we were leaving. You gave me the courage to speak up. Although in the end, I had so much pent-up anger that I gave him a blackeye. You were so taken aback that you told me-”

“Wow, there lil lady” ghost finished for you. You laughed, a laugh that was not forced but heartfelt. “ You took me back to the base, like I was a lost cat. told Captain Price that it was worth it to take me in, and you were the one who gave me my code name. 141 give me a new identity, a home, and a place to belong to.”

“ Well, we’re family kid. So don’t push your family away. Everyone has been very worried about you. And I see a certain lover boy has given you many gifts.” Ghost chuckled while looking at the pile of stuffed animals. Even in dimly lit room, he could notice how your face grew in color.

“ he’s just nice that way.” You hit ghost on the side. “ Yeah, right, that man asked me for your favorite colors and animals, none stop, and even asked me for recommendations.” Ghost spoke, pointing his finger at your face.

“ Alright, it's getting late, get some rest. You got some explaining to do.” Ghost said while walking out of your room. You closed your eyes and thought to yourself “ am not alone, I have my family right here”

The next morning, you came clean to the rest of the team. “ In short, I was just scared I would become a liability, that you would no longer need me and throw me away.”

you told them while keeping your head down. They were silent. The silence was becoming too much for you, so you looked up. The second you looked up, they hugged you. they told you that you could never become a viability! That you were what was keeping this team together.

you look back at ghost. He nodded towards you, and you cried. It finally hit you even after all your shortcomings. Even after you were broken, they still accepted you for who you were. this team was willing to sacrifice their lives to make you understand you were a part of them.

Soap joked “ No wonder ur still awful at cooking.” You laugh “ Well, I didn’t have anyone to teach me growing up.” I turned to ghost and gave him a big hug “ Thank you, if you hadn’t talked to me into telling them. I don’t know how it would have ended.”

Ghost hugged you back and told you “ see, i told you. You are enough”

“ widow! Come on i’ll teach ya how to cook!” Soap yelled. You gave Ghost one last hug and ran to soap and the rest of the squad, with ghost following after you. “coming!” You yelled at them, with a bright smile in your face.

- I was and still am enough - Widow

-Thank you to @seulgi-burgundy for the ideas and I hope that everyone liked this story. Sorry for any spelling errors, and I’ll start giving widow and König some love. Until next time! @seulgi-burgundy hope this lived up to your expectations!

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sunshineluverr · 1 year

Text

You are my comfort • kth •

Pairing : Taehyun x Reader

Genre : Fluff, hurt/comfort

Word count : 2k

Warnings : Angst, Depressive thoughts, Atychiphobia

Summary : You just found out that you have failed one of your exams. So you call your boyfriend Taehyun to help comfort you but...

◈ 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 ◈

"Hello?"

The warm sound of his voice left you with even more desire than you expected, still you're trying to compose yourself here.

"Taehyun...what are you doing?"

"I'm actually really busy right now, I have a lot of work to finish up here it'll probably take me long, maybe even after midnight"

"Oh..uh" you stammer unable to confess the reason you called

"Is everything alright? Why did you call? Are you okay?" The concern was obvious in his voice, breaking you even more and needing him even more. But you just heard about how busy he is, you could not bare the thought of requesting his time and it'll just become another chore for him in his busy schedule. Of course he loves you, but with darkness fogging your mind, all you could think of was being an unnecessary burden if you asked for help.

So all you could react was your voice cracking up as you try to mutter up a lie.

"Uh not at all! I just wanted to know what you were doing for the day since you didn't respond to any of my texts"

"Yes, so now you know. But are you sure there's nothing else?"

"Nope! Good luck with your on-going tasks!"

"Okay... Bye, and please if you ever-" *beep*

You did not realise the fact that he was adding more at the end before you were quick to hung up on him.

Well that's that then. The only light in this moment of darkness seemed to be also fading. What a stupid analogy, you thought and yet it felt exactly that way.

It is a bit abnormal to not ask for help from any other dear friend or family member if your boyfriend isn't free but you couldn't help it. You'd embrace any insanity if it means you'd admit that Taehyun is your comfort, your only comfort.

Right now, all you could think of was being in his warm arms, wrapping you around to hold you close as you wept and wept in his chest and he would patiently listen to your rants, that's just how Taehyun is. He's perfect when it comes to comforting, because he listens so well. He will not interrupt and begin to start teaching ways to deal with the problem like any other person likely does. He just listens with full attention.

But here you are, curling up into a lifeless pillow stained wet with fresh tears, lost in somewhat of a daydream that the soft cotton article was your precious boyfriend.

Of course that delusion isn't the only painful thought bothering your mind, as your fears and insecurities began to tangle in your mind because of the failure you had to face today.

Your wallowing that went on for what felt like hours, was rudely interrupted by the loud sound of your doorbell ringing through your apartment. You groan trying your best to ignore whoever is the awaiting person on the other side of the door. But they ring again, and again and it pokes your anger that you are forced to attend to the door after all.

You finally managed to get up from your cold yet comfortable bed, dragging your feet to the get to your front door. You assume it's probably the building maintenance guy or maybe some Amazon delivery you've long forgotten about ordering, because you really weren't expecting anybody right now.

You open the door with probably the worst, annoyed expression on your face. But it immediately shifts to a shocked one when your eyes come in veiw with the person standing in front of you at the door.

It was Taehyun.

You feel a wave of emotions hitting you, as he just stood there without a word. But you could feel your heart beat faster at the thought of finally seeing him again. You feel a slight excitement begin to stir in you.

"T-taehyun...what are you-" He interrupts you as he bumps into your shoulder, barging into your home. You're left still as he intrudes, quickly making his into the kitchen.

He rather aggressively opens the freezer door and stuffs a bunch of items inside that he had brought with him in the little brown bag he was holding.

All you could do was watch him, completely perplexed at what's going on right now.

When he was done, he began practically marching back to you. He shut the door that was left hung open and turned to face you. You notice how his face is scrunched up into a frown before suddenly he grabs your shoulder, making you look at him, eyes still wide from shock.

"You really thought I wouldn't notice?" Taehyun finally breaks the silence, starting off with an angry tone.

"What do you mean...?" You ask in a low voice, genuinely confused what he's so worked up about.

"Really?" He scoffs "Did you really think I wouldn't notice the super obvious sobbing coming from you when you called me. You're a really bad liar you know?"

You gasp, unable to comprehend the fact that Taehyun showed up just because he heard you cry. Your heart feels warm at the thought and you couldn't help a small smile pull at your lips.

Taehyun sighs before bringing his arms to wrap you around into a hug. Finally.

You feel yourself slowly melting into his soft touch as he moves his hand to lightly pat at your back.

"You got me so worried you know? Please don't lie to me next time" He huffs out, still holding you tight, voice quite and soothing.

"I'm sorry tyun... But are you sure this is okay? You being here? What about your work?" You ask as you couldn't help but worry for his sake even when you need him so much.

He slightly pulls apart to meet your eyes. "It's okay. I've dealt with it so you don't need to worry. This is much more important." He brings a hand to cup your cheek and you willingly rest your face in his palms.

"Now, what's got my sweet angel so gloomy?" He asks, making your heart flutter with the nickname and the way his voice is filled with so much care and love for you.

You bury your face in his chest as it takes a little hesitation to admit the reason for being sad.

"I..." You trail off, still unable to describe something you feel so ashamed about.

"It's okay, take your time." He brings a hand to caress at your head. And maybe it was his comforting but you're finally able to spill it out.

"I got my report card today and I.... failed" you let out a sigh as you feel slight warmth creep up your face, feeling like crying again.

"Hmm.." Taehyun doesn't respond much, still placing gentle pats on your head.

"Come with me." He pulls apart from the embrace and takes your wrist, lightly pulling on it for you to follow him.

He takes you to the couch and sits on it, so you also sit next to him, thinking he probably wanted to take a seat.

But he clicks his tongue and says "No, you lie down" as if he's pointing out the obvious but you're only more confused.

"Huh? But then there won't be enough space to-"

You're interrupted by him suddenly grabbing hold on top of your head so strong, that he drags your entire body to lay on the couch, placing your head in his lap.

You look at him, blinking your eyes in the surprise at the small smile of his lopsided face that fits in your veiw.

"Really?" You ask, stating the obvious of the position he wants you to be in.

"Yes really."

So you adjust yourself to get more comfortable and lean in more of your weight in his lap. Strangely his firm and muscular thighs were feeling rather comfortable just like any other pillow or actually even better than that.

He leaned down to place a kiss on your forehead, dusting your cheeks with a red hue and naturally a smile appears at your lips. He starts caressing your head again, lightly playing with the strands of your hair.

He presses down a thumb on your aching temples and you can't help but let out a relaxed sigh. He works his fingers firmly between your eyebrows, massaging out the pain you were bearing with all day.

He squeezed and rubbed all over your forehead to the bridge of your nose, for quite a while, and almost lulling you to fall asleep.

He relaxed his movements, now gently tracing every inch of your skin on your face and stopping over your lips. He leans down to place a soft peck on them, making you finally open your eyes to see his face again.

His eyebrows are slightly tilted in worry "Your eyes are so puffy, did you really cry so much? All alone?"

"Yeah... I'm sorry, I should've told you sooner right?"

"Don't apologise. Yes you should've but it's okay, I'm here now. If you want to cry more, you can, I'll be here through all of it"

His words make you feel so warm. "I surprisingly don't, probably because the best boyfriend in the world has made my worries all fade away" you made him smile brightly with your compliment.

"Well then, do you want to rant about it?"

You shift your weight to the side and move in closer to him, wrapping your arms around his torso and pressing your nose against his abdomen.

"Ah I don't know tyun. It really sucks, it really does"

"Hmm I know"

"I really did study so hard and yet.." as you begin to vent, you feel the tears threatening your eyes again, even if you really didn't feel like crying any more.

"You did, you worked very hard. I'm always proud of you"

"But I still failed.."

"Love, if you don't mind me asking, what subject was it?"

"Ugh, It was Calculations..."

"Oh? The one with that grouchy professor?"

"Yes that's the one. God I hate that class so much"

"Me too, I hate it because it caused my angel so much distress. I bet he failed you on purpose too. That sick old man is probably projecting his crap on the poor students, and it's worse if he does it on you."

You burst out into a fit of giggles at his "over- protective boyfriend mode", turning to look at his face again.

"You really think he would do that Taehyun?"

"I don't know, but I know that you definitely deserve more. You work so hard."

You laugh more "Thanks babe but I'm genuinely bad at calculations"

"Well then...do you want me to tutor you?"

You get up from his lap to look at him directly in the eye. "You can do that?"

"Yeah well, I'm kind of good in math and stuff so if you want..."

"But you're so busy! Are you sure you can fit that in your schedule?"

"Yeah, I can make time if it's to help you"

"Oh my gosh, yes please! It will help me so much Taehyun! Thank you!" You immediately grasp him into a tight hug, smiling against his neck.

You've always done extremely well with any sort of personal guidance when it comes to studying, it really helps to have an assistance for when you're stuck or have a doubt. So his offer was definitely something to be excited about.

"Taehyun, you won't be strict with me right?" You ask jokingly.

"I mean, if it becomes necessary then.." He smirks to tease you.

"No! I only want gentle and sweet Taehyun please!" You pout.

He laughs at your cuteness "Alright alright" he placed a peck on your pouty lips. "Anything for you"

You blush at his gesture. He truly is the best boyfriend ever. You look at him in awe as your heart swells for the love and adoration you have for him. It's because of him, you can smile today, it's because of him you can smile on any day.

You return the kiss into a longer one, it's soft, sweet and warm.

He pulls apart to give you a smile. "There's a thing I forgot to mention"

"What is it tyun?" You cup his face.

"I bought a tub of ice cream for you, it's your comfort food after all."

You gasp and squeeze him into another hug "Kang Taehyun I love you too much!"

◈ 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 𝅒 𝅓 ◈

A/n : Thank you so much for reading so far if you did and I hope you enjoyed it!

Slight vent warning : I really wanted to post something cheerful for all members for txt day (which is today so happy anniversary to them and moa!) But I've been super stressed and busy with my exam that I am unable to write or draw or do anything creative :((( still I was able to write this short comfort tyun fic because it's kind of based on my own emotions lollol ANYWAYYYSSSS comments, criticism and feedback are highly appreciated! <33

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ursaribbon · 11 months

Text

What Modern Pokemon Means to Me

I've felt this way for so long, and I can't just not talk about it anymore. I'm hoping to find more people who feel this way, and I think Tumblr is the best place to do so. (cw: su/c/de)

In elementary school, I was cheerful and loud all the time, and people thought I was weird for it. I had been told my whole life that I was so unique and special, and since I only got that validation from adults, I would do everything in my power to get more validation by doing whatever adults told me to do and valuing whatever they told me to value. I was almost blindly obedient, and I sought academic validation. I started masking my ADHD. I was so stiff on the outside that I rarely cried anymore, especially at things other people would cry over. I felt like there was something wrong with me, or that I really was emotionless.

When puberty started and genetic mental illnesses came into play, I became a husk. I never displayed emotion, and people called me a zombie. I was frustrated. What did they want from me if I couldn't be loud or quiet? Classmates would ask me unprompted if I was depressed, exchange an amused look with their friends if they were paired with me for a group project, and whisper about me when they thought I couldn't hear.

Since I was a preteen, I would continually push away the people in my life because I had mental health issues that made it draining to talk to people. I wanted to spend all my time alone because I wanted to rest--I constantly wanted to be left alone in silence because everything going through my head was already too stimulating. My younger brother, my biggest supporter, would try asking me to play with him or try to talk to me about something he was excited about, and I pushed him away every time. He thought it was because I was tired and lazy all the time, because that was what I told him. He began to resent me for always leaving him alone, and even though I never tried explaining myself or even going to him for support, I thoroughly believed it was my fault for leaving him behind.

People who make fun of "teenage angst" are just making fun of themselves for what they see as "dramatic" looking back. It's easy to forget that regardless of what hormones generate them, feelings of depression are real and harmful. It felt like no matter where I turned, there was no light to overcome the darkness.

Gens 7 and 8 of Pokemon have gotten me through the worst of my teenage and pre-teen years. I had been following the Gen 6 anime by the time it was ending, and I was so excited for the next chapter of Ash's journey. I remember going around school telling everyone, "ASH LEAVES KALOS ON THURSDAY! NOVEMBER 17!!!" Not many people wanted to hear it, but for what felt like the first time in forever, I didn't care. I was already known as a zombie at school, and there weren't many things I unapologetically loved so much.

I was in middle school when covid hit. During online school, I felt lonely, scared, and sad. I had the rest and lack of stimulation I had always wanted, but I didn't realize how much it helped to be at school where I was forced to interact with other people. When I was really alone with my thoughts, I couldn't find a reason to live anymore. I was having s//c/d/l thoughts. One day during my lunch time, as I nibbled at my sandwich with my head down on the desk, I decided I may as well catch up on the latest episodes of Pokemon Journeys.

The Beautifly episode was playing, but I was only half paying attention, barely able to focus on anything. Ash had misheard and thought they were going to watch Beautifly hydrate, and Goh had a short fantasy about a Beautifly laying on the beach with a cup of juice before realizing the mistake.

He phrased it something like:

"Yeah, they look so peaceful when theY HYDRA-HOLD ON!!!!"

And I just died laughing.

I knew the joke wasn't funny. The funny part was Zeno Robinson's delivery. I must have replayed it ten times. It was the first time in months that I'd felt like everything was okay.

I even showed the scene to my brother. We both laughed at it for at least ten minutes. It was so nice to share something with him.

I became a bigger fan of the show, and started shipping Ash and Goh. It wasn't because Goh was flamboyant, although I won't deny that many fans assert him to be a certain sexuality based on how he presents himself, which is stereotyping at best and homophobic fetishization at worst. I ship the characters because I think they're compatible and are just cute together. That was when I found the Satogou Discord server.

I had never really had online friends like the ones I had on that server. For what felt like the first time, I had found people I could talk about anything with for hours. While progress wasn't a straight line, I was beginning to have s//c/d/al thoughts less and less because the people and media in my life filled me with light to overcome that darkness.

And then episode 62 aired.

In that episode, Goh's Sobble evolves into Drizzile. It was so excited to be an Inteleon that it didn't realize there was a middle stage in between. It couldn't even use Water Gun properly anymore, and other Pokemon made fun of it for that. It began isolating itself, and when Cinderace forced it to come out of its cave, it ran away in tears.

When Goh finds Drizzile, he tells it about his own childhood, when he was pointed out as being different for reasons even he didn't fully understand. When he asked himself "Why?" he only felt frustrated. This is what he tells Drizzile:

"I don't understand, but that's okay. And I don't need immediate answers, either. ... I'm fine if you just want to be who you are. ... If it helps you to nest, just do it. And if at some point you feel like being with a friend..."

"...I'll be there whenever you need me."

I didn't cry. I almost cried, but I didn't. And I didn't need a reason why anymore. Anyone else may have cried. I might have been a zombie or a husk for not crying.

...Maybe it was because I wasn't overwhelmed by what was going through my head anymore. It made me remember what I had been through, but the way these characters reached out to me was so much more meaningful than anything that came before.

The media that allowed me to laugh and to live and to make friends with ease once again provided light to me, not blinding me, but providing for me a moment of clarity.

I know not everyone likes the newer seasons of Pokemon. It doesn't fit the formula that provided light to those who have been fans for a longer time, and believe me, I understand how important these things are, but goddamnit, it's one thing to dislike a piece of media and an entirely different thing to continue arguing when you find out it means something to someone else. I respect those who don't like the newer seasons, and I won't tell you they're better than the ones that came before because, at least to me, they simply can't be compared to each other.

I know not everyone likes Goh, but I miss him so much for what he represented, and I can't thank the creators of Pokemon 2019 enough for what they went through to make what they did.

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sanjoongie · 1 year

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What doesn’t kill you, makes you stone

🐍my submission for the spring event Idols over Flowers held by @kvanity-main

🐍My Bouquet~ Main flower: Marigold x hurt comfort, Roses x romance, Freesia x supernatural Supporting Flower: wax flower x tattoo parlor Greenery: lily grass x s2l Ribbon: band of cord x magical creatures

🐍Pairing: Tattoo Artist! Jongho x Medusa! Reader (f) 🐍Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff 🐍Au: Tattoo Artist au, Modern Mythological au 🐍Warning: mentions of mental abuse, depression, toxic ex, oral (f receiving), fingering, breast play, marking, penetrative sex practicing safe sex with a condom, public sex in a private spot, f and m orgasm 🐍Rating: +18 MDNI 🐍Word Count: 4,399 🐍Dedication: @mejuii & @downtoamagicalland the best beta readers a gal could have

You met Jongho on the worst day of your life. It was raining, you were alone and heartbroken. Why did you even try to hope for happiness at this point? You were pretty sure you were born to suffer.

You sat there on a stone bench in the park you used to love, letting the rain and your tears fall. You thought, ironically so, perhaps you might live like this; like a statue in the park. You wondered if moss would grow over you, or were you that despicable of a creature that even moss would reject you?

"What are you doing?"

Your eyes raised slowly, unsure why anyone would see you and think to ask what you were doing. "I'm contemplating my existence. Do I look like something moss would grow on?"

The man in front of you stares at you, blinking droplets of the rain off his eyelashes and then bursts into laughter. "What kind of question is that?"

You felt something stir in your chest and you hissed at it rearing it's head. The brunet in front of you cocked his head curiously. "I'm sorry to laugh at you, I just truly didn't expect you to say that."

Your eyes dropped back to the ground. "Thanks."

You expected the stranger to leave but instead he sat down beside you. The rain ran down his leather jacket like it had a destination. "I like to sit in the rain too. Kinda washes everything from you, doesn't it? Not literally, you know. But metaphorically."

Your throat tightened and you found that you couldn't speak, but you had to warn this kind-intentions man that you were dangerous. "It's not good to be around me when I'm emotional. That's why I'm here in the park. You should go."

The man leaned back on the stone bench, his palms bracing himself. "I've been cut by words before; I think I'll be safe."

You shook your head. You felt the wrap around your hair slip and you yanked it back into place, making sure the bobby pins were securely in place. "Not words."

"Well," The stranger said with amusement coating his voice, "I dunno if you've checked me out or not, but I'm not sure you'd be able to hit me or hurt me."

This time you couldn't help but laugh at the man. The laughter pulled from your throat in a bitter bark. "I'm a Gorgon," You admitted.

You waited for the silence to swallow you whole but the pitter-patter of the rain around you was reassuring, in an odd way. And then the man said, "Have you ever turned someone to stone?"

The question took all the air from your lungs and you could feel your pulse in your mouth. No one had ever… asked you that before. They always assumed you had. "No."

You turned to this stranger, bewildered. He was sporting a curious look himself towards you. "Then why would you assume you would hurt me?"

"I…" Your words died in your mouth. Everything felt like ash in there. "It's what I'm born to do? I can turn people to stone. Aren't you afraid of me?"

This man stared at you like with a miniscule smile tugging at the corners of his lips. His eyes were solid and challenging. "Do you know how sad you look here, on this bench, letting the rain drench you? Believe you me, I'm not afraid of you."

Your walls threw themselves up out of pure instinct to protect your self that was about to become vulnerable. "Well, you should be. You just don't know any better."

The stranger sighed and stood up. Finally! He got the message and was leaving. You slowly let yourself sink back into the stupor you were in before you were interrupted. Then you felt something warm sit on your shoulders and your head yanked upwards.

"I'm Jongho, the guy that's adopting you. My shop isn't far down the road. Come to work with me. I hear the buzzing from a tattoo shop is pretty soothing. Come get warm and dry and drink some water. I'm sure you'll feel better after a bit."

Jongho held out his hand and when you didn't take it, he wiggled his fingers invitingly. He had put his leather jacket over your head and shoulders and it was so fucking warm that you thought perhaps it was melting your cold heart as well in this moment.

Somehow you managed to take Jongho's hand and he took you back to his shop. You were actually slightly disappointed when he took his hand back. He walked with his hands shoved in his front pockets, chattering about a design he was working on and a difficult client. Before you realized what was happening, you were in front of the shop.

You were given the chance to flee. All you had to do was give Jongho his jacket and make your way back to your empty apartment. But you were clinging to this warm feeling that this well-worn leather jacket was giving to you; you really didn't want to leave it behind.

Jongho pushed open the door and held it open, still inviting you inside. "I've got coffee. It's not amazing but it's hot. Let me guess, you like it black, like your soul?"

You scoffed at his sarcasm. Clearly Jongho didn't believe that you were bad at all and was mocking you now. "Lots of sugar please, and cream."

You ducked under his arm and entered the tattoo shop. It wasn't large and it certainly wasn't modern. It sported a lot of dark wood and only two chairs. But it had greenery and felt like the person who owned this shop loved it. So immediately you felt your shoulders ease and your hands unclench.

You had sat primly in one of the waiting chairs but when Jongho came back from making coffee for you both, he rolled his eyes. "Come sit on a chair back here. Unless you plan on turning me to stone. Then I'd rather you let me get settled at least. I don't want to be known as the statue that eternally holds coffee cups."

You stayed where you were but not because of what Jongho said. You felt that if you took the steps to go behind the counter, you could never truly come back to this other side. If you took that cup from Jongho, you would be accepting his comfort. You really shouldn't be doing anything of the sort, with the remnants of your heart on the floor. But you decided to be selfish, for once. Jongho's shop gave you the inner strength to do that.

Since that day in the park, you became a regular at Jongho's shop. You weren't the type of regular that got tattoos, but Jongho had been right, the buzzing of the tattoo guns was quite soothing. Jongho rarely had two customers, so that second seat became a second home. You talked to Jongho about everything under the sun and then some of the things hidden at the bottom of the ocean. It didn't matter if Jongho was tattooing, if he was cleaning up, or if he was working on a sketch, he always seemed to be thoughtful in his words. You grew used to his lilting voice breaking up the dullness of your day.

A few weeks later and you still avoided your apartment but that was because you wanted to spend all the time at Jongho's shop. You started little habits of taking care of his plants, adjusting them to make sure they sat in the right amount of sun. Jongho had been overwatering them but soon you were able to coax them back to life.

It was surprisingly much later when Jongho approached you about you getting a tattoo yourself. He was closing shop up one night, the keys still jingling in the door, when he turned and dropped the question.

"So, when are you going to let me tattoo you?" He asked, those calm of his neither demanding nor intrusive. He simply wanted to know.

"Jongho," You started hesitantly.

"--don't feed me that bullshit about me being in danger again," Jongho made sure to cut you off firmly.

"Jongho, please, I'm dead serious. I don't know how I'll react? These aren't silly superstitions. I don't want to--"

You cut yourself off this time. You didn't want to risk Jongho. He was the only good thing in your life right now.

Jongho ran a frustrated hand through his hair, sighing loudly, making sure you knew how unhappy he was. "I don't believe you. You'd never hurt me."

You find that you can't breathe and your eyes burn insanely. You turn quickly, again, instinct to shy away from harming someone with your emotions. "Jongho, don't. My snakes might really turn this time."

Jongho laughed, disappointment bobbing like bubbles in the air. "Fine. But for the record, I think it would help you heal."

"Inflicting pain on myself would help me heal?" You burst out in disbelief, without thought of where the verbal daggers would land.

Jongho visibly flinched and you regretted your words immediately. "I'm sorry I said anything," He mumbled and then left.

That night you tossed and turned and your heart was heavy with the wounds that you had created with your careless thoughts. You had lived and loved someone who had done the same to you for years. And when they left you in the fear that the intense emotions they elicited out of you would kill them, you thought that was the end of you. You swore you would never make someone feel that way. And yet here you were.

The next morning, you arrived at Jongho's shop with two iced americanos and a solid feeling of determination in your chest. "I want a tattoo, Jongho," You announced.

Jongho pushed aside the curtain that separated the shop and the backroom, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "But yesterday you said…"

"I know what I said," You admitted softly. You put down the glasses on his front counter and moved behind them. "I was wrong. Let's try your way. My way isn't working. I want a tattoo."

Jongho's smile was slow to push his cheeks to the side. "Okay, well, I've got some sketches started, let me find my book."

"No," You insisted gently, "I know what I want."

You grabbed a pen and wrote down your future tattoo on Jongho’s sketchbook: What doesn’t kill you, makes you stone.

Jongho read the text and then stared at you, blinking profusely. "Hey--"

You shook your head. "No Jongho, I'm reminding myself that I am strong now. I'm not weak. I'm the stone. I'm not going to turn anyone into stone. You taught me that."

A hesitant smile bloomed on Jongho's face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," You agreed, his smile infectious.

"Then will you listen to me some more?" Jongho pushed.

"About what?"

"You should let me kiss you."

You waited for people to pop out of the doors and yell "Got Ya!" but it never happened.

"You want to kiss me?"

Jongho fidgeted with his fingers. "For a while now."

"Define a while."

"Since the bench. I just had the urge to kiss that sad look off your face. Obviously I'd never kiss a stranger but--"

Your skin began to tingle. It traveled from your sides up your neck and into your scalp. You worried about the big emotion causing your hair to transition and your hands flew to your wrap instinctively.

"Hey, hey." Jongho's hands went over your own and he leveled his head so that your gaze went straight to his. "You're okay. I'm sorry. I didn't want to overwhelm you."

Your eyes dropped to the floor as well. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to worry when you just want to tell me you liked me."

"I'm not worried about me!" Jongho admonished you, "I'm worried about you!"

Your lip began to tremble and you allowed your eyes to meet Jongho's. "Why do you worry about me so much Jongho?"

"I--"

The bells Jongho tied to the door of his shop rang merrily and interrupted Jongho immediately. He gave you a gentle smile and then went to deal with his next appointment. You moved to the back of the tattoo shop, finding toilet paper in the bathroom and started to mop up the tears that had formed at the corners of your eyes. You managed to calm yourself and helped clean up the shop a little bit. You made sure Jongho had his supplies ready for his next appointment. You settled into a safe conversation about house plants with Jongho's client and all was back to normal.

When the client left, Jongho gathered up his sketch book. "Can I… do you trust me to choose the font for you?"

Your eyebrows shot up on your brow in surprise. "You want to do that?"

Jongho shot you a gummy smile that made your heart flop again. "You're letting me do your first tattoo. I'm so excited. I have something in my head and I want to give it a try. And you can say no even after I draft it. But I promise you, you'll love it."

You mulled over it. Your first tattoo were your words and they meant a lot to you but to know that Jongho's art was on your skin… that made it feel even more special than its original intentions. Yes, you wanted to heal, but you also wanted to move on. This felt like a good step, right?

"I wanna try Jongho," You agreed shyly.

Jongho cupped your face so tenderly you felt like you were going to break in his hands. "Please, say you'll let me kiss you now. I had to do that whole session thinking of how I missed my opportunity."

Your skin began to tingle again but you whispered. "Kiss me, Jongho."

Jongho carefully but eagerly pressed his lips to yours. When you didn't jolt out of his grasp, he sucked your bottom lip between his own and you almost moaned into his mouth. A small smile pulled at the corner of his lips but still he kissed you, tenderly but with hunger. You could feel Jongho's muscles strain as he held himself back, your hands running slowly up his chest. Jongho released your lips, forehead pressed to yours. "If you keep doing that I'm going to have to shut down the shop."

You're so touch-starved. The feeling of Jongho's soft lips against yours, the way his thumb continued to stroke your cheek, were measured wacks like an ax to the tree that was your defenses. "Shut the shop down then," You said bravely. It was time to be kind to yourself, for once.

Jongho's hands slid up your thighs, cupped them and hauled you up his body. With one hand firmly under your bottom, he walked to the door, locked it and turned his open sign off. He then propped you up against the chair in which he typically saw clients and kissed you some more.

While your lips met again and again, it was Jongho's turn to explore your body. His hands ran up and down your arms, murmuring that you were so very soft. Then the back of his fingers admired your collarbones and he decided that his lips needed to kiss those parts as well. While he sucked and bit down on your collarbones, his fingers braved your sides. His hands halted just below your breasts, hands cupping your ribs and thumb oh-so-close to your breast.

You moaned for Jongho. "Please, please."

It took no further prompting from Jongho to unbutton your blouse, push the cups of your bra upwards and soon he had two reverent handfuls of your breasts. His eyes flickered upwards to check on you and when he saw your pupils blown and your lips parted slightly to keep up with your heavy breathing, he then curled his tongue around one of your nipples and sucked it into his mouth. He did the same to the other and you practically melted in his hands.

"Jong-jongho," You panted.

He hummed knowingly, eyes swinging back up to look at you as he gently kissed the mound of one of your breasts. A thumb passed over your other nipple and you had to gasp at the sudden feeling. "So sensitive for me, angel, huh?"

"So good," You couldn't help but whimper.

"I've got to taste you," Jongho swore to himself. He began to kiss down the valley of your breasts and over your stomach.

"Wait, Jongho," You boldly put a hand on his fingers before he undid your pants.

"What's wrong?" Jongho shot up a concerned looked to you.

You had to stare at one of the potted plants in the shop instead of at Jongho. "This is so embarrassing," you muttered, "I didn't shave."

Jongho let out a throaty chuckle. "If you think that's going to scare me off, you're sorely mistaken."

You bit down on your lip when you gave him a sharp nod to tell him he could continue. Jongho eagerly unbuttoned your pants and soon had you shimmying out of them. He groaned at the black lace underwear you had on. But soon he had those peeled off as well and settled both of your legs over his shoulders.

The only way you would be able to describe Jongho's pussy-eating technique would be as if he was making out with your cunt. The way he played with you with his lips and tongue and teeth was like nothing you had ever experienced. He didn't hold himself back with careful, measured strokes with his tongue but rather, he delved and teased and made your body hot with lust. Soon your hands were diving into his hair and your hips were thrusting in the air ardently.

Jongho chuckled deeply in your cunt again, causing nice vibrations against your clit and that made your hips jerk upwards. He pulled his face from your cunt, the bottom half of his face smeared with your slick and said, "Someone's looking for their climax."

"I-it's been a while," You admitted.

Jongho growled when you told him that. "Well, we have to remedy that, don't we angel? Better double up, huh?"

"Double?" You asked in disbelief.

"Double," Jongho confirmed.

He went to work, licking your clit with careful flicks of his tongue and he began to introduce one finger into your hole. You moaned at the intrusion, spreading your legs and throwing your head back. The dual sensation was amazing. Then when you felt a second finger enter you, your head snapped back up. Jongho's strong stare met your own. He was devouring the way your chest heaved and your eyebrows furrowed for him.

His gaze never broke as he coaxed you through one of your two promised orgasms. He lazily pumped his fingers in and out of you, careful not to overstimulate your clit and simply let you ride the wave of pleasure. "That's it, angel, enjoy it all."

You whined through it all, a layer of sweat clearly coating your body now. "Jongho?"

"Mmm, angel?" Jongho had been running his hands up and down your thighs in reassurance.

"Do you have a condom?"

You watched with slitted eyes as Jongho reached into his back pocket and brandished a purple shiny packet.

Your eyebrows shot up your forehead. "Have you fucked clients before?"

Jongho smiled slightly and didn't answer but instead warmed up the condom in his hand before rolling it down his length, having pushed his pants and underwear past his balls already. You were pretty sure you had never seen something so hot before: his muscled and tattooed arms framing his body as he practiced safe sex.

His lower half came flush with your body. Jongho pushed down his dick so that it laid against your wet cunt. A hand went around your hip and adjusted the angle of your leg around his waist. "I'm gonna make you come so hard around my cock, I'm not even going to apologize, angel. Gonna make you feel so damn good."

Jongho finally pushed inside of you and your walls automatically clenched around his length, making him bite down on his bottom lip. "Shit, angel, you're so tight. Fuck."

You tossed your head back again, arms behind you to support you. "So…so full," you moaned.

"Yeah, do I fill you up?" Jongho prompted.

"Jongho," You cried out when he was inside of you full hilt.

Jongho watched as he pulled back his hips and made tentative body rolls between your thighs. You choked on air and had to dig your nails into his shoulders. You were whimpering, watching his dick move in and out of you. He just felt so good; so solid and present and radiating good vibes. You felt your skin truly settle and for a moment, you believed that your snakes would never come out as long as you had Jongho on your side.

"Okay still?" Jongho checked in on you, your comfortability first and foremost on his mind.

"So good," You groaned.

Jongho kicked it up a notch, fucking you with a firmer pace, making his balls slapped against you. Your breath caught in the back of your throat and you started to chant "yeah, yeah, yeah", feeling your nipples pucker as lust curled in your stomach.

"Come on, angel, come for me. Fall apart for me, hmm, do it for me. Wanna see you come undone in my chair, yeah? Fuck, this pussy, it's mine now, do you hear me? Only I can do this for you. All for you."

You came with a desperate cry and your muscles froze as your nerves were painted with pleasure once again. "Jongho!"

"That's right, angel, that's me fucking you good," Jongho murmured into the air.

It wasn't long before Jongho came as your pussy fluttered around his cock. He buried himself deeply inside of you and unloaded into the condom. He grunted, scrunching up his nose and sighing happily, riding out his own orgasm.

"Jongho?" You called tentatively for him.

His eyes snapped to yours. "Are you okay?"

"Jongho…" You felt your lips tremble and tears begin to prick your eyes. "I don't think anyone has fucked me like that. I…" You let out a shuddering breath, "I think I might love you?"

Jongho laughed, a happy noise. "Well that's good. I thought I was going to have to hold off telling you that for a while."

"Huh?" You said, suddenly feeling very gobsmacked.

"Oh I love you with every fiber of my being, angel," Jongho admitted.

And there went your tears. "You love me?"

"I love you so much I'd shut down my tattoo shop if that meant I could spend every day in between these legs of yours," Jongho grinned and you smacked his chest. "What? Just saying. It kills me when we have to separate when I close down shop."

"Should I…" You licked your lips nervously, "Should I move out?"

Now it was Jongho's turn to be shocked. "And leave behind the toxic apartment that only reminds you of your ex? Yes please?"

After the sex, things shifted between you and Jongho. It was like it was the final red tape taken down around the crime scene that was your broken heart. Sex shouldn't have healed it, but if anything proved to you that Jongho was in love with you, it was his willingness to get close to you and to touch you.

You spent the next week planning your tattoo. You had decided to get it where you could always see it. You needed to be able to read them and be reminded of what you had gone through and what you were capable of moving forward. One half of Jongho's beautiful calligraphy on one inner forearm and the other adjacent from it.

The day your first appointment came, it felt odd to be the one in the chair who Jongho was working on. You had always watched on as Jongho tattooed someone, the dull buzz of the tattoo gun always making you feel comfortable. But now, Jongho in his nitrile black gloves and needle poised to press to your skin, it made you feel different.

"Nervous?" Jongho asked as he set the stencil against your skin.

"Actually, I think I might be excited," You admitted.

Jongho laughed, a gummy smile appearing and brightening up your day. "I love that."

The two of you chattered back and forth as Jongho started on your tattoo. The pain was manageable and eventually faded in the background as you talked to Jongho about cereal flavors and the preferred method of cuddling. The time passed by in measurements of Jongho's soft, comforting voice and his hands inching down your arm, holding it aloft to tattoo you.

True to Jongho's words, you did feel healed after getting your tattoo. Although Jongho had a heavy hand in your healing, the words that you had chosen etched in your skin meant everything to you. Whatever scars you had from your ex had long healed and were replaced with the curling words that represented your life.

You may turn others into stone if you were agitating enough, or maybe that was just a tale passed onto other humans because being threatened to have your head cut off might have come off as 'agitated' to them, but you felt like the one turned into stone. Not of the sad and neglected statue type of stone that you had hoped would grow moss like that fateful day you had met Jongho, but of bedrock. Bedrock that was a foundation for you to build your true life up. For the life you had with your ex, who flinched at your stare and jolted out of your touch, was not a life.

Jongho winked at you while working on a pokemon sleeve, old japanese art style. Since you had moved in, he had got one of his tattoo artist friends to give him a tattoo of a snake intertwining his collarbones. He said that you were so intertwined with his life that it felt good to have the same represented on his skin.

You no longer believed you were born to suffer; you now believed in happiness.

Tag list: @hijirikaww @flowerboykun @kitten4sannie @starillusion13 @flurrys-creativity @stardragongalaxy @a-soft-hornytiny

tagged by special request: @yoonguurt @anyamaris tagged bc jongho biased: @ssaboala

#kvanity #kidolflowers #cultofdionysusnet #kwritersworldnet #thekpopuniverse #pirateeznet #ateez angst #choi jongho angst #ateez smut #choi jongho smut #topaz's work #ღatz

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