escapril day 28: surgery

[ tear open my heart and you'll find a space of hollowed out memories. piles upon piles of abandonment and misery. nodes filled with disdain and burdens build what in me is main. traumas flows through my veins and regret follows strongly in its wake. there is an excess amount of pain and coronary suppressed with rage. anxiety makes up each of the individual fibre. love is what gushes out of the fractured organ. the beats cease to be seen and that's when the doctors know i've given up completely. ]

How many nights have I dreamt

Of holding you in my arms?

Keeping you safe and loved,

Comforting you.

How many nights have I dreamt

Of seeing your smile?

Your eyes a cloudy mystery to me

But the curve of your mouth

Real and true.

I thought maybe I had you for the briefest of days.

I thought I was learning the shape of your eyes

And the weight of your hand in mine.

But I'll go back to dreaming.

I'll keep dreaming of you each night.

i am tired of being

afraid of everything.

i step into the fog

with open arms,

and it amazes me

how much it feels like rain.

i think i could drown myself

in anything if i really tried.

-mars

🦋 Happy #NaPoWriMo Adventurers! 🦋 This year, we've put together a special prompt list for our community + any curious passersby. Prompts were made by me, Maria @shylovrs so feel free to tag the guild + moi! Use the #AdventurersWrite or #ShyPrompts to share your work!

And if you'd like to join a community of dedicated writers and creatives this April, the guild's doors are open! Check the link in bio or click here to gain access to our discord!

i like to say that aromanticism is like experiencing shrimp emotions // april 9 2024

as isaac, on the walk home

please, won’t you look at me, father? i can’t erase the memory                             of the surrender in your eyes if i keep staring at your back.

you held my hand as we climbed the mountain. i felt your pulse through my palm,               your grip tight against the sweat. God has called us, you said with urgency, yet       you took       your time       as we ascended.

i can’t remember what i feared more:                      the blade,                      the flame,                      or the aftermath.

who would have made the bigger sacrifice if there was no ram in the thicket— you? me?

or mother?

is there no test of faith more agonizing than to forgive?

but even in my final breath, i would have. i love you even though i may never understand it, if only you would tell me. i don’t ask for much—

father!       please.                             soothe my shivering. i’m afraid                      the next time                      i see a knife                                    i might think                                                                it’s                                                                              love.

— Jade A.

escapril day 3: eye contact

@adventurerswritingguild day 3: hand / god / knife

A Reminder;

remember to be kind.

remember to be nice.

remember to hold your tongue.

remember to hold your anger.

remember they don't deserve it.

remember they do.

remember you don't deserve it.

remember you do.

remember to apologize.

remember to eat.

remember to sleep.

remember to wake up.

remember to cry.

remember to laugh.

remember to live.

remember to die.

remember to love.

remember to hate.

remember to be human.

if anyone else is doing Escapril please let me knowwwww !! i'd love a poetry writing buddy for next month <3

eye contact

(3/4/24)

♡

wishing on eyelashes for this to be forever to lose the nausea of not knowing the future if flowers are meant to bloom, beautiful why are they destined to wilt and die only to grow and decay, the same pain again a kiss meant a kiss, so gentle, full of meaning candle wax only melts once, evaporated mountains turning to sand and washing out being twenty for just the year, just the one but reaching twenty-one and knowing love nothing special, but i can read it in your eyes between the lines of worry and wear i still see it, maybe it will fade over time or i can believe my wish came true and that this love will last a lifetime

c.m

'journey to a neckbreak' - trauma and that irresistible lookback when everything is good (ID in read more)

[image ID: a prose poem titled 'journey to a neckbreak':

you’re going to be surrounded. utterly surrounded. all things good and breezy. so shouldn’t it be easy? I gave you one rule just one rule: don’t look back. but, you did, didn’t you? you couldn’t help yourself. you had everything you wanted, all in your grasp, so why did you look back? you had your win and then you fumbled. sweet Orpheus, sweet pathetic thing, I knew you would do it. all that bliss and it still wasn’t enough. you’re surrounded. look at me. we removed the glass from your gum but the cut still scabbed. you swim in shard clear waters but you still waded through mud. sweet tulip kisses upon your nape but that old mutt still drew your blood. utterly surrounded. you’re doing it again, aren’t you? I’m talking to you, but there is no you without that lookback, is there? sometimes old scars still throb but it’s phantom. you’re just a phantom. good and breezy. there’s that succulent sun that Icarus longed to touch but you can’t either. shouldn’t it be easy? you’re surrounded but you can’t reach out. all you can do is lookback lookback. don’t think me so harsh, little soldier. if you had it all but lost it all with a little lookback then maybe maybe just maybe you didn’t have it at all. you can’t hold water despite that simple second before it all ran from your grasp. you can see yourself finally solid in that lookback, visceral and raw covered in gore but it’s no more, your fatal flaw, you’re not at war. Orpheus, Orpheus, Orpheus, don’t do it don’t look back don’t look back don’t do it DON’T LOOK BACK. you’re going to be surrounded. utterly surrounded. all things good and breezy. so shouldn’t it be easy?

END ID]

the truth is: i care. i care too much and perhaps my life would be easier if i cared too little.

khush bakht via wordedarchive

Going from sleep to wake

Just to live all my days

In that inbetween state.

Keeping my eyes open

Just to see your face.

Don't turn out the light.

I know it's late,

But I'm not ready yet

For that forced change of state.

i don't have any dark secrets

but i do have a few light ones.

and i don't mean light

in that they're not heavy

because fuck they are,

but rather... well,

my secret is that i am terrified

to tell her that i love her

and how could that possibly

be anything but sunshine?

how could loving her,

in whatever horrible

form that may be in,

be anything other than

the single greatest thing

i've ever done with my life?

it doesn't matter if

she doesn't love me back

if i never get the courage

to tell her anyway.

i will keep my secrets

buried deep inside and

hope that their light

is enough to keep me warm.

i will keep loving her

and i will keep it to myself.

-mars

i think about the sheer hope of it, sometimes // april 2 2024

angels are real, mine lives in chicago

when people ask how i survived 3 years in a graveyard shift, i tell them it’s because i have friends on the other side.

i threw a line out the sea and ended up being found, your tug on the invisible string pulling everything into place.

more than half a day away, but time stands still for us enough to fit years of stories in the palms of our hands.

even if we’ve only shared smiles from afar, your wings cross oceans to carry your laugh to me.

when i make it to you, you’ll give me a place to rest, tangible to match the astral one you’ve already granted.

distance and time zones are nothing at all when i carry you in my pocket, guardian dear.

now, like sun and moon, we trade waking hours. still, i fall asleep holding your goodnight text-shaped hand.

— Jade A.

escapril day 2: change of state

napowrimo.net day 2: write a platonic love poem

for @darlingwendy