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tetsuskei · 1 month

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dew mornings and the bond of eternity – tartaglia [nsfw]

synopsis: your angel of a boyfriend makes sure that you know just how well loved you are

notes: for my favorite harbinger, idk what this is but breaking my fic virginity for him with this :]

warnings: fem!reader, reader is insecure, russian pet names, mating press, childe has a foul mouth, biting and marking, slight possession, praise, childe is called by his real name, slight oral fixation, implied oral (female receiving), he is extremely lovesick

you never learned to what extent someone could go when being attentive and observant until you met your boyfriend.

you hate how ajax is able to notice the slightest changes in your mood. you would say he knows you like the back of his hand, but it’s something more than that. almost like the two of you are fused at the souls. bonded for eternity.

so in the dew morning hours when you’re just a little bit quieter, a little more somber as he makes you both breakfast on one of his rare days off, he’s able to notice right away.

he notices your eyes don’t quite catch his own as he jokes about some silly thing one of his siblings did weeks ago, how your smile falters instead of shining bright the way that he loves to see, how you pick at your fingers and gnaw on your lip in thought.

“ptichka?” he hovers over you, taking your face in his hands and pulling you from your thoughts. his cerulean eyes scan you thoroughly. “did you not sleep well?”

“it’s nothing, it was just a silly little dream.” you wave off, smiling weakly. not a lie, technically.

ajax clicks his tongue. stubbornly, he leans into you, the smell of pine and mint following him. “it can’t be silly if it has you upset like this and you’re losing sleep.”

there is no way of lying to ajax. you know this well. he’s a big brother to three siblings, and he’s too good of a detective to be deceived. but that’s to be expected of a harbinger.

after a long, apprehensive pause, you sigh.

“…i had a dream that you cheated on me.” you confess, lowering your gaze to the floor. “and that you left me for someone better.”

it’s stupid. absolutely and utterly ridiculous. ajax has shown you enough love to spill over into your next life. and the next one after that. you could die and come back a thousand times, and there’d still be traces of him left on you. so to tell him this brings you great shame.

the question is, what caused the dream? guilt? shame? maybe you feel he does so much for you, that you’re lacking as a partner. that you could do better.

you wait silently for him to yell, for some sort of outburst to come. but you’re only met with surprise when you feel his hand on your chin.

“can you please look at me?” his voice is soft, and eyes softer as he finally is able to make eye contact with you. he’s so gentle. warm. he only looks at you with love and patience. “thank you, lisichka.”

“i may not have done anything wrong, and i would never cheat—“ he continues with a stern expression, “but i still need you to understand where my feelings lie with you.”

you start to shake your head, “i already know, ‘jax, you have never made me feel like i need to doubt you. i know how much you love me. i promise. i have no idea why i had the dream…but it just made me sad when i woke up.”

you don’t mean to lie about your hidden insecurities, but it’s not a conversation you want to have at the moment. you’d rather just enjoy the time you have currently with your boyfriend peacefully.

luckily, ajax overlooks your fib. he hums, kissing your temple, “how about after we eat, i run us a bath? and we do one of those face masks that you like? something to decompress.”

and for the first time today you smile and agree.

unfortunately it appears ajax is taking your earlier sentiments much more seriously than you thought.

as all dreams and nightmares are short term memory, you long forgot about what it was that made you upset, back to your usual self after the bath.

ajax swaddled you up in a clean towel, and just like he said, did face masks with you. it always makes you giggle seeing your boyfriend using one of your spa headbands to push his hair back. soon both your faces were shiny and clean. refreshed and replenished, you felt brand new.

but little did you know you were now in the jaws of a shark.

you didn’t make it to the bedroom. well, you did, but you didn’t pick up on the ginger’s ulterior motive the minute he kissed your cheek as you sat on the bathroom counter. he carried you to the bedroom, and that’s where it all fell apart.

“‘j-jax—“ you hiccup, gripping tightly onto his bicep. your figure is trembling against his, skin damp with sweat and glued impossibly closer to his.

so much for the bath.

“s-slow down…”

your boyfriend has been at it for awhile now, pummeling your poor insides with his fat cock over and over. the room reeks with the smell of sex, wet sounds imprinted into your mind. you can never forget just how great he makes you feel.

“no,” he huffs, fingers digging into your hips, “you’re not leaving this bed until i’m sure of it.”

confusion resides in you. what exactly is ‘it’?

he’s already worshipped you plenty with just his fingers and tongue. but you don’t dare challenge the primal look in his eyes. he’s absolutely greedy, not even letting you move to take care of him in return in anyway.

you yelp once feeling your lover’s teeth nip into your skin. his tongue laves over the offended area before he kisses the skin.

“how could i find someone better, when there’s not a single person more beautiful or amazing than you?” he pants, pulling away to look at you. his thumb traces your cheek tenderly and his cobalt eyes are trained on your fucked out expression.

“especially when your pussy feels this good? that’s just a bonus.” he rambles, groaning. his hips knock into yours more harshly and you wail.

“you’d have to kill me to separate us.” he admits darkly, but something tells you that even death wouldn’t stop him.

“‘dun want that, want you forever.” you say, clinging impossibly tighter to him.

ajax coos, kissing your nose, “and you have me. because you’re enough. you always will be. you’re perfect.”

his answer satisfies you and you’re kissing him again, nearly having tears permeate at the ducts of your eyes.

he laughs, grinning against you mouth, “milaya, you’re about to cum, aren’t you?”

“i-i” your words still fail to completely return to you but you nod rapidly.

understanding, he taps your bottom lip.

“open,” he commands.

falling in line, ajax pushes his fingers in your mouth. you feel your face heat up from how you taste yourself on him.

“good girl,” he praises, “always so sweet for me, hmm?”

you’re drooling on him, nodding and humming around his fingers with a hazy look in your eyes.

there’s a certain light in his own eyes that only appears when he’s with you, and with the way he is looking at you with complete adoration, you feel absolutely special.

“oh, look how much you’re quivering, you’re almost there. come on.” your boyfriend studies your movements, fucking you with slower, deeper thrusts.

the breath from your lungs nearly escapes you, and you feel a burning feeling in your chest. you’re creaming so much on him that it’s impossible not to hear the lewd noises coming from between your legs.

every sound seems to drive the ginger crazier. “one more, just one more for me, angel and i’ll let you be.” he coaxes, fingers moving again.

“i’m…i’m tired.” you sniff.

“i know, but you look so pretty when you cum. just one more? pretty please? can’t get over how you look. so beautiful…”

his constant praise is enough to make you cum once more, so hard that it blinds you. your mouth falls open in silent awe.

ajax groans, watching you come undone and hissing at the way you’re clamping up on his cock. it should be a crime how good you feel, because he could ever get enough of it.

there’s only a moment before he remembers he still needs to cum, and then he’s pawing and begging.

“fuck, let me cum in you…please…” his face is buried in your neck and a small whimper escapes him once he grabs your hand, lacing your fingers together.

he’s shivering and hot, and his cock is extremely sensitive. every drag of himself against your walls drives him insane. he’s dizzy, nearly delirious with how much he’s holding back.

“wanna fill you up so badly, please lisichka.” he continues, pressing searing kisses to your shoulder. “want you leaking with all of my cum…want all of it in you.”

you don’t think he’s looking at you while he babbles and pleads to breed you, and you shiver at how predatory he looks at your lower abdomen. you lock your legs tighter around him, ignoring the overstimulation creeping up in you.

“yes, ajax. please. w-want all your cum. want you to fill me up!” you whine, a sound that makes his heart and cock swell all at the same time.

your next words startle him even further.

“i love you.”

and he snaps.

“hah—ah, fuck!” ajax curses, hips stuttering in their pace. he groans loudly, feeling himself spill into you. there’s spots in his vision from how hard he’s cumming and he wonders if this is what celestia is.

you gasp, jerking when warmth spreads throughout all of you. you can feel the throbbing of your boyfriends cock and his heavy load.

coming down from both of your highs, the two of you laugh.

“you surprise me every time.” you tease quietly, eyeing a bite mark on your thigh.

the ginger looks bashful, hiding his face in your shoulder. “sorry…didn’t mean to be so rough…”

“if i wanted you to stop at anytime, i would’ve told you.” you reassure, petting his head.

he plants a kiss on your skin. “good. and for the record, i love you too.” he murmurs. “feel better?”

“i felt better after the delicious breakfast you made, but you took it a couple of steps further like you always do.” you giggle, leaning into his chest.

ajax grins, kissing the crown of your head, “well, i could tell something else was on your mind, but you weren’t telling me.”

“you know me way too well. it’s terrifying.”

he puffs his chest out, “what can i say? i can and will only provide the absolute best for you.”

“i don’t like leaving you alone for as long as i do…i will try to get them to let me take work closer to home.” he adds, playing with your fingers.

and the beam on your face is all worth it. “really?”

“really. i’m not around a lot for you to do things for me, and i get why you may feel that you need to be better. but i adore you just how you are. i’m sorry for not being more present.”

“it’s okay, i understand.” you hum, kissing his chin.

ajax hums with appreciation before leaning down and chasing your lips, hungrily wanting to taste you all over again.

his demanding presence has you melting into him as you mesh together, tongues locking to consume the taste of yourselves.

suddenly he’s dragging you by the hips to the edge of the bed.

“w-what are you—“

“m’not done with you. far from it.” you barely can form another question before ajax is sliding back into you. a crude squelch follows.

the harbinger kisses your bare ring finger. “say, i think we should elope. what do you think about starting a family?”

key: ptichka = ‘little bird’, lisichka = ‘little fox’, milaya = ‘my dear’

#tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x you #childe x reader #childe x you #genshin childe #genshin tartaglia #tartaglia smut #childe smut #genshin impact #genshin smut #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin oneshot #genshin impact oneshot

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bahrtofane · 2 months

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your relationship with jude is something that remains to be seen. and yet you love him, he loves you. will you finally admit it?

Word count - 900+

Watch it - silly over thinking reader, its okay jude is there

—--

“I think you’re one of a kind.” he hums, flicking the hair tie on his wrist-your hair tie-against him. The soft slap it lands on his skin brings you back to reality.

You don’t look up. Partly afraid, partly ashamed. Who are you to be one of a kind to Jude ?

He swallows, fidgeting with his hands from his seat across from you. You worry him in more ways than one. Eager to come when he calls, and yet so shy and timid when you get here. It's almost like you're afraid of him- are you? He hopes not. That's not what he wishes this to be.

You sit at the dining table in his home, you don't know why you sat here first. Couch felt too intimate, too real. He didn't oppose, letting you take a seat farthest away from the head of the table. There's a hidden meaning here you wish to bury. But your mind knows it all the same.

You have to face it head on eventually, why not now.

“I’m sorry.” you mumble out, as graceful as a newborn calf. Half the confidence as one. You finally manage to look him in the eye, you want to cry the moment your eyes meet. He sits leaning against the table, afraid of missing a single word from your lips.

His eye brows furrow, “what for?” soft as ever.

“I don't know,” you sigh,”for-i guess just-making you deal with me while you have so much going on.”

He frowns, “I wanna show you something,” getting up and motioning for you to follow,

Did he not hear you? What is he up to.

You follow him through the halls of his house, past doors and hallways till you get to a door at the end of the hall. You look at him, brows raised, puzzled.

He pushes the door open and you're greeted to a bedroom. Jerseys line the walls, there's a shelf for trophies. And then it dawns on you, this is his room. You've never been here, not yet. A threshold that you haven't let yourself cross. And here you are, here he is, holding the door open for you. It's like he's opening his heart out, carefully carved an incision over his chest where you fit. You blink.

“Come.” is all he says.

So you do, sliping inside and awkwardly standing off in the corner.

He smiles at you, soft, shaking his head. He rests a knee on the edge of his bed, patting the top. So you do, gently sliding on and waiting for his next move.

He doesn't speak, instead kneeling down and shuffling under his bed. He brings out a shoe box, handing it to you.

He's giving you a pair of shoes?

You open the box and find a scattered collection of memories spanning the time you've spent together.

Polaroids if you two, movie tickets, game tickets, little trinkets you hand him on a whim.

“I was gonna put it in a proper box but I figured you needed to see it today,” he scratches the back of his head, gaze shying away from your own.

He's scared. You see it in the way his legs bounces next to you on his bed, the way he's chewing his bottom lip, hands balled up in his own comforter. He's scared it's too much, that he'll be giving too much too soon, too much for you and you'll shrink away from him indefinitely. He can't help it, he loves too hard, too soon. Love. he loves you. Do you love him too? He hopes, prays. His right hand picks at his nails, he's picked it til he's bleeding. He pays no mind, he doesn't even notice. Do you love him too? Say something,, anything, he wants to say, yell, scream and shout.

He's Jude Bellingham, and he's afraid of his own love. He's nothing but a boy who years for one the way he yearns for them. He's Jude. And he yearns for you.

You take a breath in, setting the box down next to you. He panics, eyes going wide and scrambling out of his seat. Oh he's done it again hasn't he. Letting his big stupid dumb heart do the thinking.

You pull his arm, getting up, and tackling him in a bone crushing hug, sending him back first to his bed,just about knocking the air out of him.

“I love you,” you mumble, now laying on top of him. And he laughs. He laughs loud and bright. You love him.

“I love you!” he manages to blurt between giggles.

You smile, but you can't contain your tears. He keeps every memory? In a neat box under his bed? As a reminder of his love? In order to always keep you near? To never forget not even a second?

You didn't know someone could love so much, so hard, so wholly. And here he is. Giving his heart to you. The little incision on his chest now a gash where his hearts been ripped out, handed to you. He trusts you all too much. But you love him. Oh how you love him. If it meant carrying the world you would.

Oh how sweet jude is. He wipes your tears, gently kissing your forehead.

“Hey hey, it's okay. I got you.” he mumbles into your neck.

Does he ever.

#jude bellingham blurb #jude fluff #jude x you #jude bellingham #jude x reader #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham one shot #football imagine #football fanfic #footy fic #football #bahr blurbs

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li0nn3stuff · 25 days

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You ask Aemond about Alys

English is not my first language, be kind.

Modern!Aemond x fem!Reader

About Modern!Aemond and Modern!Alys Masterlist

Warnings: kissing, talking of: sex, kinks, toxic relationship, domestic violence, violent sex, rape kink, degradation, cheating. Alys.

Aemond and his girlfriend had just come home after dinner with some of their friends, when she asked him something he never would have heard.

“Tell me about Alys.” She asked as they took off their jacket and coat, slipping out of their shoes.

His expression hardened at the name of his ex-girlfriend. He hated hearing her name, remembering her.

“No.” He said in a cold tone, taking her coat and hanging it as she put away their shoes.

“Why not?” She insisted as they went in the kitchen, grabbing two glasses and the water from the fridge.

“Because I don’t want to.” He grunted, pouring the water in the glasses. His tone is still the same and he keeps staring at the glasses ahead of him. He remains silent, simply refusing to say anything about his ex, as in his mind he replays in his head what happened the last time he saw her. He closed his eye and shook his head, ashamed of that memory.

“I want to know about her.” She said, walking to him, hugging him from behind and resting her head on his back.

He sighed and got silent for a second. His tone became serious as he started speaking. His eyes were focused on the wall ahead of him.

“Why do you have to stick your nose in something that doesn’t regard you? Uh?!”

He was pissed, he knew she would have kept asking until he would eventually tell her. She pulled away from him, taking her glass and leaning back on the table.

“Jeez, what has she done to make you react like this now?”

He turned towards her but he kept his eye fixed on the wall ahead. She could tell he was thinking of something unpleasant as he stayed silent for a moment before sighing and starting to speak again.

“You don’t need to know what she did, okay?”

He didn’t look at her as he waited for her response, but his voice is not as angry as a moment ago.

“But I want to.”

God, she was stubborn.

His tone is still serious, but he doesn’t reply right away, he looks down at the floor, and after a few seconds he speaks again:

“Why do you want to know that so bad?”

“I’m curious.” She raised her shoulders as if she was saying something obvious. “You told me she was older than you.” She added then

Hearing the word ‘older’ he seemed to be more uncomfortable. He sighed deeply and he spoke again.

“Yes she was older than me.” He admitted coldly.

“How much?” She sipped her water, interested.

“She was thirty-five.” He glanced at her to catch her reaction, but she looked calm, just curiosity in her expression. She took her time to ask her next question.

“How old were you?”

Silence. His tone is now more stern.

“Seventeen.” He kept looking at her, studying her expression, but it didn’t falter, he still saw no judgment in her face.

“So… you were underage.” She stated. He stayed silent again for a while before speaking.

“Yes, I was.” His eye drifted back to the floor, as he clenched and unclenched his hand around the glass. She pressed her lips together.

“How did you meet her?” She took another sip of her glass, looking away from him.

The question brings back some memories, but he remains serious. His tone was more bitter, as he turned his head to the side.

“At a party. Aegon dragged me into a club.”

She smiled to break the tension, and hummed in amusement.

“That sounds like Aegon.”

He stayed silent for a moment before slowly nodding his head a bit. She could tell he started speaking with more anger. He’s not yelling, not answering meanly, but she could see he was holding back.

“Yeah, sounds like him. And it was because of him I even saw her in the very first place.”

She hummed and looked away. She was the one to bring up the topic, yet she felt uncomfortable hearing about Alys, but since he was answering her, she decided to keep going.

“So how did you two… you know… got together?”

His tone is colder and the bitterness in his voice increases.

“She approached me.” He stares at the water in his glass. If he thought about it enough, he could still smell her perfume, or hear her voice, even if it was now… five years ago.

“Mh. What was she like?”

She hated that she wanted to know that, but she was curious, she wanted the image of that woman in her head, even if what he could say would have hurt her or made her burn with jealousy.

He stops for a moment, thinking about how he could describe her.

“Dark eyes and hair, a bit curvy. Always nails, hair and makeup done. She always used this… red lipstick of hers. Rarely saw her without it. She always wore dresses that would shape her perfectly and show her breast.”

She was perfect.

She looked away, feeling a pain in her chest, and jealous of how that woman apparently always appeared perfect. Aemond looked at her, he put down his glass on the counter and stepped closer to her, taking her hand and kissing its back.

“She was beautiful, charming, and charismatic, but she was manipulative, mean and...” He sighed and looked away, leaving the phrase unfinished. “She acted in a kind and loving way towards me, at least in the beginning.”

“What about after?” She looked up at him, as he cupped her cheek with his hand, and she covered it with her own hand.

“It became a nightmare.” She furrowed her eyebrows, confused and concerned.

“What do you mean?” She asked worriedly.

He stays silent for a few seconds but his anger is obvious in his voice.

“She changed, or, well, she showed herself for who she really is. She was no longer the woman I met at the club. Her charming and loving behavior disappeared and she started to treat me horribly. She cheated on me often. Despite that she managed to keep me in her claws for three years.” He said in a mixture of shame and anger.

“How did she treat you?” She asked then, getting more worried.

Silence. His tone was very bitter and he seemed to be almost on the verge of losing his temper. This was a sensitive topic for him.

“She was verbally... and physically abusive towards me. She hit me on several occasions and did several other horrendous things I’d rather not describe.” He couldn’t look at her. He felt stupid. He felt stupid even after all that time, and he was ashamed of telling her how stupid he had been.

“Then why did you stay with her?”

At first, he didn’t answer her question and his tone remained bitter and frustrated as he stayed silent for a moment. When he started speaking again, he was clearly not happy to answer the question she just asked. He still sounded bitter and angry as he started to explain.

“Because she made me feel she was the only person who really understood me, that she was the only one who truly loved me.... That I wasn't worth it and I was nothing... And that no one else would ever want me other than her, or other things like that..”

She was surprised.

What the fuck?

She was… horrible. Who could even think of saying such things?

“… Wha- What kind of other things did she say to you?”

He looked at her in despair, but he knew she wanted to know, so he just talked.

“She used to say that I was ugly, that I was a disappointment, that I was too insecure, and that I was weak... that I would never be enough... I would have never been able to find another woman... That I would be alone forever.”

She felt like crying. He had to go through all of this? She wanted to keep him close and protect him from everything, everyone. He didn’t deserve that. Sure, he was complicated and a bit of a douche sometimes, but no one deserves such treatment. No one.

“I’m… I’m so sorry. She was cruel.”

He stayed silent for a moment but his tone indicated that her words helped him calm down a bit. He was less angry and less tense.

“Yes... She really was cruel. But I guess that's who she was all along, and I didn't notice it back then… But I think what I’ll never forgive her is that she made me a freak.”

She looked at him pained and even more confused.

“What? What does it mean she made you a freak?”

He didn’t respond right away and his tone became much more frustrated, he looked… ashamed.

“She was… my first time, and she was into some… crazy, disgusting things… and she kind of passed them to me, or at least, now I’m into some of those things too.”

She paused. She tried to elaborate his words.

“Like what?”

“I told you they’re disgusting. Why do you want to know? You’ll only get scared or… or you’ll be disgusted with me.”

She frowned.

“What? No. I won’t. Aemond, I won’t. Tell me.”

He seemed to consider your words again and again, taking his time to speak. He was embarrassed but he nodded and slowly started speaking again. He still kept his eyes down as he spoke.

“She was into painful things. Some very unpleasant things.”

“…Okay. Like what?” She softly encouraged him to say more.

The uncomfortable atmosphere was almost palpable. This was not a subject he wanted to talk about, but still, she could feel the burden that was placed on him. He was silent but finally he started to speak again, he sounded much more bitter. She could tell that this was something that really bothered him and hurt deep down but he would not go into much detail.

“She liked it rough. Like really rough. More rough than what we’ve ever done. She liked… to be slapped, she liked it violent.” He paused, as if to contemplate if he should have gone further, say it all. He sighed and he decided to be honest. “She liked some roleplay, but she was always the dominant part. So… I started fantasizing, and… I… I got into… like haunting roleplay. Haunting the prey and… once I caught her…” Rape her. He couldn’t finish it. He was too ashamed to say it out loud, but it was clear she understood. Yet, all she did was nod, she didn’t judge him. Though it was new for her seeing Aemond ashamed of something regarding sex. He was usually straight forward, confident.

“Obviously that would be consensual, I…” He sighed and looked away.

“It’s okay, I understand.”

“No, I really think you don’t. I like it violent, disgustingly violent. I want to be the one to give it, not receive it.” He growled, as if he wanted to scare her away, as if he wanted her to be disgusted by him.

“I do understand, Aemond. I do.” She repeated softly. He shook his head and passed his hand over his face, rubbing his eye.

“How can you not be disgusted?” He mumbled, his face getting red with a mixture of frustration, anger and shame.

“You… You like what you like, there is no point in judging you. I know I can trust you.” She said with a soft smile. Aemond looked at her.

She was perfect.

It was all he could think. He leant forward suddenly and kissed her deeply, as she immediately wrapped her arms around his neck and kept him close.

She was perfect.

He slipped his tongue inside her mouth, drinking in all of her, her taste, smell, her soft touch.

She was perfect, and she was his.

He pulled away and she smiled at him, caressing his cheek.

“Can I ask more?” She asked, and Aemond smiled. Her curiosity amused him, he was even more amused as now she asked instead of just insisting. He knew she was dying to know more.

“Yes.” He leant back on the counter as she unwrapped her arms from his neck and caressed his arms.

“Did she do something you didn’t like?” She asked then. Aemond nodded.

“Yes, but I… I always let her do it anyway.” He said, and she nodded, waiting for him to continue talking.

“She would… hurt me. She liked painful things, humiliation, degradation and violence.”

She bit her lower lip as she looked at him in pity. She knew very well Aemond was not into those kinds of things, actually, he was right the opposite. He had enough trouble during his childhood with his eye and bullying that he could never handle going back to being ashamed or weakened because of it, again. She put her glass down and she went to hug him.

“Oh, baby… I’m sorry I’ve made you go this far. I was just really curious.” She says sadly. Aemond hugs her back but after a while he pulls her away.

“No, it’s fine. I want to tell you.” He rubbed the back of his head as he looked away. “You might be the best person to tell this stuff to.” He added. She smiled softly, nodding.

“She… she used to treat me like a child, actually. If I did something wrong she would… punish me, let’s say that. She would ride me as punishment, slapping me and degrading me as she did so.” He took her hand as he looked down at it, and he started playing with her nails. “She was mean, before, and during sex, but she… she was nicer after it, telling me now I could go back to being good for her… she played nice for a while, so I wouldn’t go away. Not that I would have anyway, I… It was like I was addicted to her. She knew it and she used it. She used me.” Aemond clenched his jaw tightly as she kept looking at him worriedly.

“Aemond… but you got out of it.” She stated, putting a hand over his to reassure him. His expression contorted into one of disgust, and shame.

“I… It wasn’t nice, what I did. How I left.” He said in disgust. She put a hand on his cheek and turned his face to her, smiling at him softly, looking him in the eye.

“I’m sure she deserved what you did.” She said confident, but Aemond immediately looked away.

“No. Don’t say that, you don’t know that. You can’t know that.” He said angrily.

“Aemond, after what you’ve told me, I doubt you did so much worse than what she did. You were…” She shook her head, not really knowing what to say, but Aemond continued for her.

“What? I was what? Younger? I should have known better.” He says with his voice full of bitterness.There is a long moment of silence, as she looks down as he keeps playing with her nails and fingers, and he goes back to looking at her.

“If you could go back, would you have done something different?” She asks then, still looking down. He sighs and he intertwines his fingers with hers.

“No. I wouldn’t. What I did to her… It was… fair, but that doesn’t change the fact that… It was horrible.” Again, she took her time to answer. Then, she looked back up to him.

“Just like she treated you.” Aemond pressed his lips together and turned his head to the side, frustrated. She kept defending what he did like it was right, and he hated it. He felt guilty, he felt he had to feel guilty.

“You just can’t say things like that. You weren’t fucking there, you know nothing.”He spat out. she didn’t get offended, she knew he wasn’t angry with her, he was angry with himself, with his past, with Alys.

“Is she alive? Yes, is she fine? Yes.” She stated, and keeping his head turned, he glanced at her.

“You don’t know what I did to her.” She nodded, and took a deep breath.

“Do you want to tell me?” She asked softly, caressing his hand.

“No. Not yet.” He looked back down, as images of that memory flashed in front of him.

She hugged him, and he immediately hid his face in her neck, bending down due to the height difference. He just wanted to forget, and be happy, even if he wasn’t sure he deserved it. He wasn’t even sure if he deserved to be with someone like her. She passed her fingers in his hair as she massaged his scalp.

He loved her.

Is this what love is?

All he wanted to do was keep her close all the time, feel her all the time, look at her all the time. He never had enough of her, not even of her stubbornness. She had her attitude, but just as he had his. Yet, he thought, he never felt he could fit better with someone. He knew she was the one.

He hugged her tighter as she responded by kissing his neck.

She was the one. He would never let her go. There was no better place for her better than his side, just like for him, it was her side. She pulled away from the hug and took his hand, talking softly.

“Let’s go lay down, yeah?”

348 notes · View notes

strawbeerossi · 11 months

Text

This Is Me Trying

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Ex-wife!Reader

Description: Spencer shows up at his ex wife’s door late in the night, riddled with guilt from years of their separation and needing to confide to her why he left her the first place.

Content Warning: Prison arc discussed but no spoilers, mention of PTSD, mentions of drug addiction/relapse, mention of violence, heart wrenching angst, crying, cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected sex, missionary, lovemaking, aftercare, happy ending.

Word count: 4.5K

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The last thing that she expected was to hear a firm knock against her apartment door. It was ten in the evening, who would need anything from her this late? Maybe it was Mrs. Martin, the sweet little old lady next door, wanting to drop off some freshly baked treat that she wanted her to try before she took it to one of her game nights. Which, Y/N had to admit, she loved when she’d come by with her signature chocolate chip brownies, she always made a heaping amount to share with her younger neighbor just because she expressed liking them one time.

She was approaching the front door. Using the peephole of the door, her heart sunk. Instead of seeing an older woman with a plate of treats in her hand, she was met with Spencer Reid.

It had been years since they talked last, the last time being a tearful Y/N begging her husband not to walk out the door, to stay and work out their marriage that she was afraid was starting to crumble into a thousand pieces. She could remember the bitterness, the hatred in his voice.

“Wait! Spencer, baby, please.” Y/N’s voice was hoarse from sobbing, her throat raw from having to yell over his loud voice just to get him to listen. “I know it’s hard but I need you to stay, we can work this out together. You know that. We always do.” Spencer was turning his head to face his wife, already packing his clothes away. “I don’t want to fucking stay. I don’t want your pity. Ever since I got home, you’re treating me like I’m some sort of child! I’m not!” His tone was laced with venom, enough to make the tears spring up in Y/N’s eyes again.

She knew prison would chip away at the Spencer she’d fallen in love with five years ago but she never expected things to go down like this. She’d done everything she could’ve thought of. She always made him some of his favorite dishes, she’d read to him, she’d hold him when he sobbed in her arms and relived the most traumatic experience he’d went through thus far. It was never enough.

He was different now. Irritable, temperamental, and he had a hard time composing his anger, not to mention that his once beautiful honey colored irises were dull, almost lifeless. He lost himself in prison, he wasn’t ever going to be the same. Instead of always greeting her with a hug and a smile after his days at the BAU or after cases, she was greeted to him starting to distance himself from her. It went from him coming home an hour late, to two hours, then three. She stopped making dinner, she stopped staying up to wait for him, she even stopped trying to reach out to him.

There was guilt, her brain rattled with so many what-ifs. If she left him alone more, would he have stayed with her? Would he have given her the same amount of love and dedication he’d once given her before? What could she have done to make him slowly begin to push her away, to serve her with fucking divorce papers?

Her tears stained the documents, her signature blurred out from how much she sobbed over the idea of losing the one real thing she’d ever known. No matter how much she wanted to hate him for his decision, she just couldn’t. Spencer had her heart, he took it with him out of the door when he left her, tucked away in his suitcase covered by the numerous suits and other necessities.

She was pulled out of her pain filled memories the moment she heard yet another knock. Was this a cruel joke? She was taking in a breath, collecting what little confidence she could manage to build up before she was unlocking the front door, her hand shaking from fear. As she was opening the door just enough to peak her head out, her lips were pursed in a fine line.

“Spencer.” Y/N spoke, her gaze firm on the man who had given up on her. “Hi, Y/N.” His voice was soft, a stark contrast to the tone of their last conversation. “Can I come in..?” He asked, though his hand was slowly resting against the front door as he pushed it open, Y/N taking a few steps back to grant him access. She should’ve slammed the door shut, she should’ve locked it and sent him on his way. Yet here she was, slowly closing the door as she invited him to make himself at home.

“What are you doing here?” It took a lot of courage for her to open her mouth, her arms slowly crossing over her chest. She wasn’t going to cry anymore, mainly because she was so tired of crying over him. She’d done it enough within the past few years, if anything, she should’ve been out of tears.

“I’m here to talk.”

“Talk about what?”

“Y/N. I haven’t been honest with you. Guilt has been eating away at me and I can’t help but feel shitty.”

You should.

She’d never say it out loud but judging by the face she made, Spencer already knew what went through her mind.

“I just want to apologize. You are owed that much. Whenever I got out of prison.. I was a different person entirely. I stopped putting much effort into any of my personal relationships..” He began, which before his ex wife could cut him off, he was looking up from his feet with glassy eyes. “It’s because I was getting comfort from.. Other influences. Dilaudid.”

Spencer’s last addictions never defined him throughout their entire relationship, in fact, she was proud of him. He’d been doing so good, the temptation coming up every now and then but she’d be there to push him, to give him so much love and support to try and curb the relapse that could occur.

“Drugs change the writing of neurotransmitters in your brain, which can lead to aggression or mood swings. That’s why I was always hostile towards you and why I didn’t want to be around you.” Spencer explained, eyes on the ground in shame while his hands were coming up to rest over his face. “I knew I had a problem, I did. There was one day when you were trying to get me to eat lunch and.. I wanted to hurt you.” His voice broke at the admission, unable to meet her gaze. “That made me realize that I had a problem. A problem that I couldn’t control. If I couldn’t control my emotions, I would get to the point where I couldn’t control my actions..”

Just the thought of that scared the hell out of him.

“I left because I didn’t want to hurt you. It would kill me if I ever did anything to you. I mean, I was already spiralling because of the vivid nightmares from prison. PTSD and drug use are a horrible combination, dangerous. I couldn’t risk hurting you.”

The explanation had hot Y/N like a ton of bricks. How could she not notice he had a relapse, she was supposed to be by his side and she couldn’t even fucking tell that he was struggling with impulse control as well as his emotions. “Why didn’t you tell me? Spencer, I could’ve helped you.” She whispered, stepping closer to her ex husband while slowly taking her hands in his.

“Because you didn’t deserve a damaged husband who would weigh you down. I can’t expect you to babysit me all day and night, it wouldn’t be fair to you. You have a career, you have friends, you have so much going for you. I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if you threw your life away to essentially take care of me.” His words were barely above a whisper, as if the two had a risk of anyone listening in on their conversation.

“You are not damaged.” Y/N scolded softly while she was squeezing his hands slowly. “Spencer, I love you so much, I’ll always be here for you. Wife or not.” She said softly while her hand was now coming to rest gently against his cheek, as if he were fragile and one wrong move would shatter him like a stained glass window.

Spencer was finally meeting the irises that he couldn’t ever get out of his mind, the way there was a shine in them. Eyes were the window to the soul and hers reflected a beautiful, colorful soul and a strong fighting spirit she always carried with her. Even when she was broken down, that shine was there.

Her love was radiating onto him at the smallest touch, the man’s eyes closing briefly as if to compose himself. “I love you so much, Y/N. I will never be able to forgive myself for the way I pushed you away, the way I ended our marriage. I should’ve confided in you sooner. I just.. I was worried about you.” His words were genuine, a gentle smile spreading across his face. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” He whispered soon after.

If his pupils could be the shape of hearts, they would be. One thing about Y/N was that he adored her. He cherished her, took care of her. Even in the end when things went south, part of him still had that love that was locked away behind a crippling addiction that broke him down in the worst way possible. “When I wanted to just go back to using, I thought of you. How proud you’d be of me if I held off, how you’d tell me I did an amazing job getting back on track. You are my inspiration.” He whispered, his hands coming up to cup her cheeks, holding her face in his hands as his thumbs traced over her soft skin.

There was a soft smile gracing Y/N’s features. “I am so proud of you. It takes a lot to admit when you have a problem, it takes even more to better yourself. Even if I’m not fond of the way you went about it, I understand.” She was honest. She didn’t like how he had to divorce her and disappear from her life. Nobody in their right mind would be okay with that.

For the first time since he’d came inside, there was a content silence filling the living room. It was comfortable. For the first time, home felt like home. However as the both of them stayed within each other’s embrace, it wasn’t long before Spencer was leaning down to kiss her.

Their lips met in a bittersweet collision, as years of longing and unresolved emotions surged through their bodies. The kiss began tenderly, a delicate exploration of familiar territory, before gradually intensifying with the fiery passion that had once defined their relationship. In that moment, they momentarily forgot the pain that had driven them apart, reveling in the sheer magnetism that still bound them together. There was no more pain, no more wondering what had gone wrong.

Their tongues danced in a rhythm only they could understand, tasting the remnants of past love and the promise of a future reignited. As they reluctantly pulled away, their gaze locked, and they both knew that their love still burned strong, an everlasting flame that kept them bound together. After all they’d been through, the love and care was permanent.

While drawing in a breath, Y/N kept her gaze on Spencer before slowly running her hands up his chest. It wasn’t a suit tailored for him like she’d been so used to before, instead a casual cotton shirt. In a way, it was comforting. He thought about her at times where he wasn’t chasing evil men and women on cases, when instead he was home at.. Well, wherever he lived now.

“Do you want to stay tonight?” She asked after a moment, her words coming out slow and her tone delicate, as if she had to worry about scaring him off if she was anything but. “I always sleep so much better with you..” She added on soon after while playing with a loose thread on the shirt, almost as if she had to distract herself from the way her heart was nearly beating out of her chest.

It gave her flashbacks to when she and Spencer had first started dating, the both of them being soft with each other. The way that they’d both be nervous to ask the other to stay the night or when they’d be laying together and spoil each other in the wonders of intimate touch, their lips moving in sync.

That seemed so long ago now.

“Yes,” Spencer responded, not needing to spare a second thought. “I’d love to.” His own heart was racing, the feeling of being home slowly coming back to him. The comfort of Y/N being home, willing to hold him when he needed her. Tonight, he knew he needed her. In more ways than one.

Without a passing thought, the woman was being lifted into his arms while Spencer was reattaching their lips. There was love and need, yearning for the soft touch that they once shared. With the feeling of fingers tangling in his longer hair, he was almost running back to the bedroom that he’d remembered so well.

Without breaking the contact of their lips, Spencer was leaning down while carefully placing Y/N on her back, as if she was breakable. She needed to be handled with care, with appreciation. Not anyone would accept their ex husband despite his faults or listen to him when he’s explaining why he left. Most women would probably slam the door in his face. Not Y/N. Not the woman with a heart of gold. He didn’t deserve her love but she was willing to continue serving it to him.

Once she was on her back, Spencer was slowly pulling away. “I love you.” He whispered, the words just falling out of his mouth, reverting back to the ways that once were. The nights where they’d lay in the darkness, embracing one another during lazy post-coital conversations before falling asleep in those same positions.

“I love you so much.” He repeated as he felt like she needed to know his feelings never changed. His lips began to trail down her neck, his hands running down the silk nightgown. “I love you.” Y/N finally whispered in return, her head relaxing in her pillow while her eyes were fluttered shut, melting at each placed kiss.

Spencer let his teeth graze the now burning skin of her neck, eliciting a beautiful moan to fall from the woman’s lips.

This was heaven.

His lips were moving from her neck soon after that, his head lifting while the two were interlocking in a shared loving gaze. “You can keep going, you know.” She whispered, a little giggle leaving her lips at the way his eyes glistened in the soft lighting of the bedside lamp at her urging him to continue.

Spencer’s fingers were coming up to the flimsy straps of the nightgown, slowly pulling them from her arms while leaning down to trail kisses along her right shoulder. His hands were working to slowly tug the sleep garment off, almost as if he had to carefully unwrap a present to preserve the wrapping paper. He didn’t want to rush this. He wanted her to see how much he truly did love and miss her.

He’d take care of her tonight.

Once she lifted her hips to assist in discarding the nightgown, he was drinking in the sight of the near bare woman in front of him.

Spencer had eidetic memory, however, when it came to Y/N’s body, you’d think it was his first time seeing it. The way his cheeks would flush, the way he’d revert back to being the shy man who couldn’t help but stare as if she were a beautiful oil painting hanging in one of the highest esteemed art galleries in Paris, France.

He was now sitting between her open legs, eyes scanning over her body as his large hands were slowly running up her inner thighs. “I’ve missed you, so much.” He spoke, gaze now moving to the beautiful smile that was spreading across her face. “I’m glad you’re here.” She spoke softly, the two basking in the moment. There was no rush, no. Instead, they were enjoying the intimacy of soft touches, admiring bodies, sharing longing glances.

“May I?” He asked, fingers now getting dangerously close to the place where she needed him most.

“Of course.” Her head nodded, a blush on her face.

The panties she had on had a sizeable wet patch in the center of them, her body reacting so positively to his kisses, his touch, everything. His fingers were slowly running over her clothed cunt, electricity shooting through her body at the mere touch.

“My beautiful girl.” His voice was husky now, fingers looping in the waistband of her panties before he was tugging them down her thighs, a groan ripping from his throat once he could see her glistening pussy, sticky with arousal. “God, I love you.” He repeated for what felt like the millionth time in the night.

Spencer was getting up momentarily, pulling his shirt over his head before discarding his pants as well, leaving him in his boxers. As he’d gotten onto the bed, he was now laying between her thighs, hips pressed into the bed for when he ultimately needed relief of his own.

With one hand keeping her plush thighs apart, his tongue was now licking a stripe up her pussy, collecting just a taste of her arousal. Hearing her shaky breath from above him was enough to encourage his movements. After a few more long and teasing licks, his fingers were coming up to spread her puffy labia apart, his lips blowing cool air while the woman was mewling from pleasure, goosebumps spreading across her skin.

He ate like a man starved, his tongue lapping up all she had to offer to him, like eating one of the ripest fruits on the vine that was bursting with more flavor and sweetness after being freshly pulled from the tree branch. His chin was coated in her glistening juices, his nose brushing against her clit while his tongue was focused on swiping over her velvety walls.

With the sounds of pornographic moans filling the room along with the way her fingernails were digging in his scalp, it became to a point where Spencer was desperate for relief, his hips rocking against the mattress while he was focused on bringing the woman to her peak. As soon as he could feel her thighs begin to shake and her words were more incoherent, he knew what was to come next.

It wasn’t long though until he was pulling away, chuckling at the way she was desperately clenching around nothing as soon as he pulled away. “Hold on, pretty girl.” He purred, getting his fingers lubed up with his own spit before he was plunging them into the woman, a low moan leaving his lips as she was greedily clenching around his digits and pulling them in more.

“There we go.” He praised, the two fingers being thrusted inside of her needy core.

“I’m gonna— oh fuck, Spencer.” Y/N breathed out as her eyes were squeezing shut, her words encouraging him to fuck her faster with his fingers. She could feel the coil tightening in her stomach, her moans and whimpers of his name falling steadily from her lips.

All it took was him curling his fingers and pushing against her spongy sweet spot before she was cumming around his fingers, her hips rocking steadily against Spencer’s hand as she was doing her best to catch her breath, chest rising and falling rapidly.

As she’s ridden out the high, Spencer’s hair was being tugged in a gesture that was telling him move your ass, Reid.

So he was nearly stumbling to crawl up to hover over her again, the two attaching their lips in a much needed, more messy kiss than before. “Please,” She mumbled against his lips, making Spencer pull away. “Please what?” He asked, needing to hear her say it.

“I need you.”

Those words had his already hard cock aching in his boxers, making him stumble a bit just to get them down his legs before they were being tossed with the rest of the clothes in the bedroom.

“I don’t have a condom.” Spencer spoke, letting out a hiss of pleasure from the feeling of her hand wrapping around his cock to give it a few tugs. “We don’t need one. I don’t care right now.” Her voice came out in a desperate tone, making the man nod as he was letting her line up his tip with her leaking mound.

He was pushing into her slowly, sinking all the way to the hilt while the two let out a collective moan, Spencer’s head falling against Y/N’s shoulder as he let his eyes flutter shut, kisses being sponged to her shoulders as he gave her a minute. The way her hands were gripping onto him was a big indicator that just like himself, she’d probably not really gotten much action in a while.

“I’m ready.” She whispered, her arms wrapping around his shoulders as she was practically hugging him close. “I’ll go slow.” He spoke in return, now lifting his head to smear their lips against one another’s.

Spencer loved slow and intimate sex, the way they were pressed flush against one another, drinking each others moans while the world slowly stood still. His hips were thrusting at a steady pace, the feeling of her legs wrapping around his waist just to try and bury him impossibly deeper inside of her.

It was the ultimate form of love. Being able to savor one another, enjoy the closeness. There were times in the past where the two would talk and even giggle with one another while his cock was buried inside of her. It was comforting in its own odd way.

Tonight though, there wasn’t much talking. Instead there was soft, loving kisses, the mixture of moans and groans falling between the both of them, as well as the sound of the bed squeaking along with each thrust that the man made.

There was nothing but love in that bedroom, the two whispering sweet nothings to one another and making promises that would fully be fulfilled going forward. This was going to be the start of something beautiful, that was something the two were confident of.

“I’m close,” Spencer’s words were being muffled into Y/N’s mouth, the woman slowly pulling out of their shared kiss while she was bringing her hands up to cup his cheeks. “Me too, don’t stop.” Her words were soft, a moan leaving her lips as she was letting her eyes flutter shut, head falling back against the mattress as she could feel her stomach tightening again.

“I love you so much, Y/N. Fuck.” His words slurring together as he brought one hand between their bodies, his thumb swiping over her clit in order to have her cum first. He prided himself on pleasuring her first and foremost, himself being mostly an afterthought.

As the warmth of her orgasm was washing over her, Y/N was hugging him as close as she could get him while a soft cry of the male’s name slipped from her lips. Chasing her orgasm, it wasn’t long until Spencer was letting go, a few more thrusts doing the trick as his warm cum was filling her to the brim. The feeling had the woman shuddering in pleasure.

With a thin layer of sweat coating their skin and their bodies still intertwined, Spencer was turning his attention down to the woman who he felt an intense and burning love for. “I promise you that I am not going anywhere this time. I’m tired of fighting M on my own.” His words were soft, his breathing still uneven. “I love you and I never want to be away from you like that again..”

“I love you so much more. You know that I’m always here for you, right? No matter what you’re struggling with. We are supposed to always be by each other’s sides. I made that promise to you and I never intend on breaking it.” Y/N assured.

“How about we to get cleaned up?” The make suggested, forcing himself to move away from the warmth of her embrace briefly. Instead of letting her get up though, Spencer’s hand was wrapping around her ankle before he was playfully pulling her to the end of the bed, making the woman laugh as she was being lifted in his arms.

“You could’ve broke my leg!” She gasped, a teasing tone chasing the words as she was letting her arms wrap around his shoulders, lips pressing kisses across his face.

A she was carefully sitting her on the edge of the tub, Spencer was turning on the faucet. After he’d gotten the water warm enough for the both of them, he’d retrieved the plug for the drain. Approaching the bathroom cabinet, he was kneeling down and rummaging until he was grinning triumphantly as he was retrieving a bottle of bubble bath soap, holding it up. “I knew you’d never get rid of this. As dumb as it sounds, I was so pissed because I didn’t take this with me.”

After putting a generous amount of the soap in the tub and watching it foam up, he was waiting until the tub was filled to their liking until he was turning off the water. He was the first to step in, getting comfortable before holding his hand out to help Y/N get in, a smile on his face. Even if it was a little awkward considering he was a tall guy in a small tub, they managed to get comfortable together with her on his lap.

One of her hands was collecting a bit of bubbles from the water before she was moving to place them over his face, a little laugh leaving her lips as she’d given him a bit of a bubble beard. “How old are we?” Spencer asked teasingly as he was doing the same thing with her, the two unable to help the soft laugh filling the bathroom.

“So, I have a legitimate question,” Spencer began while leaning back against the tub, a smile on his face. “Does this mean we have to get married again?”

The question made Y/N pull a face as she was pondering over the question. He had a point. How did this work?

“I say yes. Only because I think you owe me a much bigger wedding this time.” She joked, making the male laugh.

“My queen gets whatever she wants.”

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fic #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid fandom #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid angst #criminal minds fic #criminal minds angst #spencer reid smut

1K notes · View notes

scarlethexelove · 4 months

Text

I Did

Pairing: WandaNat x Reader

Word Count: 2261

Warnings: Mentions of torture, scars, mean tony. Nothing much else.

A/n: I want to give credit to Dolls.mcu.editz on tiktok where I saw the edit that gave me this idea. So after asking for a poll of who this should be with I made this. Starts a bit angsty but it is super fluffy at the end. Soft Natasha and Wanda 🥰 Hope you all enjoy.

NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO STEAL, COPY, OR REBLOG MY WORK AS THEIR OWN

You sit in the meeting room surrounded by all of the Avengers. On either side of you are Natasha and Wanda, your girlfriends. The conversation that is happening is making you uncomfortable to say the least. They are all talking about what is to be done if one of you is captured and possibly tortured by hydra or another entity. What would be protocols and procedures that need to be followed during and after the event. You’re quiet throughout and don’t add anything. Tony notices this and doesn’t appreciate that you are not contributing to the conversation.

“Y/n do you have anything to add?” Tony questions a bit of malice in his words. “I would rather not.” You reply, sinking more into your seat. Wanda placing a hand on your thigh in comfort. “You always have something to add so why don’t you actually contribute to the discussion.” He pushes. You scoff and look him dead in the eye. “You would not hold up well under torture.” You calmly spoke back to him. “Oh and you would?” He raises his voice. “I did!” You just about yell back to him.

Tony pauses a moment. Tears shine in your eyes as memories flash in your mind reminding you how you even got here. You don’t notice the sad looks around you from your fellow avengers. “Y/n I didn’t mean-” Tony is cut off by you. “Save it.” You mumble as you push your seat back and quickly make your way out of the room. Your ears ringing with the memories of your life before. You can’t even hear that people are calling after you.

Tears start to stream down your face as you quickly keep walking. You feel a burning sensation in your skin as you become overwhelmed. The scars that scatter your body make it feel as if they are open wounds again. The pain and memories still flood in as your body moves on autopilot back to your room.

Natasha and Wanda quickly rise and try to start following you. “Where do you think you are going? We aren’t done with setting these protocols.” Tony quickly jumps back in as your girlfriends try to go after you. Both of them turn around specks of red swirling in Wanda’s eyes as Natasha clenches her fist. “We are going to see if our girlfriend is ok. I don’t really care what you have to say right now.” Natasha spits back her anger with the man clear to everyone in the room.

“You can check on her later. We need to get these set.” Tony still protests. Natasha slams her hands on the table, a small crack forming where her hands hit the glass table. “Listen here tin man you insulted our girlfriend. I don’t care what you decide, we are going to comfort her.” The room is tense as there is a staring contest between the two. “Well she started it.” He comes back still trying to defend himself when everyone in the room believes him to be in the wrong.

Wanda tilts her head and red swirls in her hand. “Tony, you have no clue what she has been through. You may have been captured and held but you were never tortured. Natasha was raised and trained as an assassin against her will. Bucky was taken and experimented on as they constantly brainwashed him. I was experimented on and locked in a cell.” Wanda seethes, pointing towards the living quarters. “But she was experimented on, locked in rooms, tortured for days on end. Cut up just for fun, you have no fucking clue. So if you will excuse me we are leaving and you can fuck off.” Wanda grabs Natasha’s hand and they walk out of the room. Everyone in the room is left in show of the revelation. The only other person who is not shocked is Bucky, your best friend.

The two hear arguing ensue as they walk away towards your shared bedroom. They lightly knock on the door to not scare you but they hear no movement so they slowly open the door. They slowly enter the room but don’t see you but they see the bathroom door open. Light shines out and the sound of water pelting the tile floor is heard. “Detka.” Wanda calls out for you as they make their way into the bathroom but hear no response.

Wanda and Natasha enter the bathroom, their eyes landing on your form sitting in the shower, your knees pulled tightly to your chest. You're still in your clothes and shoes as the water beats down on you. Natasha quickly moves to you going around you to your right side crocheting down as the water hits her. Wanda moving to your left side. They give each other a look and look back to you. You’re staring off into space, your body slightly rocking. Both women know that sometimes in stressful times your mind plays back what happened to you. Not just your mind but your body has a physical reaction.

“Detka can I touch you?” Natasha asks. You don’t respond. She slowly reaches out for you and gently touches your arm. You jump lightly to the contact and she pulls back, but then you give a small nod for her to continue. She reaches out again and places her hand on your back gently rubbing comforting circles. “Detka may I?” Wanda asks and you also give her a nod. She smiles and follows Natasha’s lead.

“What can we do to help sweetheart?” Wanda asks you. You finally look over to her and she can see past the water that trails down your face that you are crying, your eyes red and puffy. You open your mouth trying to speak but nothing comes out. Your eyes telling Wanda what you want her to do. “Are you sure detka?” She questions before proceeding. You lightly nod at her. She smiles. “Okay.”

Her hand goes to your head as red fills her eyes and red whisps come from her fingers. She lets what words you can’t say fill her mind before pulling her hand back, her eyes turning back to their beautiful shade of green. She gives you a soft smile and small nod. She then looks up to Natasha who is watching the interaction.

“Her scars are burning and her clothes are overwhelming.” Natasha nods at Wanda’s words. They both work together taking off your shirt as you raise your arms. Natasha then moves in front of you. She takes off your shoes and socks, tossing them into the bathroom to deal with later. Wanda has removed your undershirt and bra tossing it with the rest. Working together again they work to remove your pants and underwear. You lift your hips to make it slightly easier on them.

Wanda gently runs her hand down your arm. “Do you want me to try and help?” She gently asks you. “Please.” You mumble lightly. She kisses your head. “Of course. Which ones hurt?” She asks you. “Big ones.” You tell her. She knows which ones you mean. Her hand going to your left side the scar runs from just under your breast down to your mid thigh. Red comes from her fingers as it seeps down into the scar. The burn slowly fades as you feel her magic calming the nerves. Her hand moves to your right shoulder covered in a large burn scar repeating her action. She then moves to your left thigh a large circular scar doing as she has done with the other two. Your nerves calming as the burning and pain disappear. “Better?” She asks you.

You give her a nod. “Thank you.” You tell her finally, letting your body relax as you lean into Natasha. Her arms wrap around you. “No need to thank me detka.” Wanda leans in kissing your forehead.

“Do you want to get cleaned up in the shower and get in bed?” Natasha asks you. “Mhmm.” Your reply comes in a hum. So that is what you all do. They help you up before they take off their clothes. Throwing them into the pile already on the floor. Gently washing your body and hair.

You love the close moments with your girlfriends. Nothing sexual about it, it is just full of love and caring as they take care of you. They quickly clean themselves before helping you out of the shower. Since you have already been sensitive and overwhelmed Wanda uses her magic to dry you three off. The feeling of her warm magic eloping you and calming your nerves even more.

Natasha picks you up. Your legs wrap around her waist and you bury your head in her neck as she carries you to bed. “My strong and tough super soldier.” Natasha chuckles as you whine into her neck. Which just causes her to chuckle more and you to poke at her side. “Heyyy.” She says. Wanda giggling at your two antics.

Wanda walks around to the other side getting into the bed. She moves the covers and opens her arms as Natasha places you into Wanda’s open arms. You instantly wrap around her and lay your head on your chest. Natasha crawls into the bed behind you wrapping her arms around your waist and cuddling into your back. She places small light kisses on your shoulder causing you to smile. Wanda then peppering your face with kisses which then causes you to giggle.

“There is my sweet girl.” Wanda smiles down at you as you nuzzle into her chest. The room becomes silent as you relax into your girlfriends. The skin to skin contact is doing wonders for you. Letting you feel a closeness that you wouldn’t get with clothes on.

Natasha kisses your shoulder again. “Marry me?” Natasha breaks the silence in the room. You look up to Wanda before turning to look at Natasha. Not sure if this is just in the heat of the moment or a true proposal. Natasha smiles before letting go of your turn and reaching into the drawer of her bedside table. She pulls out two small velvet boxes. “Wanda Maximoff and Y/n Y/l/n will you two do me the honor of becoming my wifes?” Natasha asks opening the boxes to show off two gorgeous rings. Each of them is set in silver with a beautiful garnet as the center stone and surrounded by smaller black diamonds. You can’t help but cry in happiness as you and Wanda answer in unison. “Yes!”

The three of you are now crying, happy to be taking a step forward in your relationship. “I was planning to do some crazy romantic gesture for you two but this moment just seemed too perfect to pass. I wanted you two to know how much I love you and that I would fight to the ends of the earth to keep you safe.” Natasha says through happy tears as you and Wanda cry harder. She places the rings on your fingers.

You kiss Natasha hard and filled with love before pulling back and kissing Wanda. Wanda then leans over you and gives Natasha a kiss. Wanda then chuckles and shakes her head a bit. “What?” Natasha asks. Wanda says nothing as she gets up and walks towards the dresser and opens her sock drawer. You whine when her body heat leaves you. “I’ll be right back detka.” Wanda chuckles.

You can’t see what she grabs as she turns and hides what she has behind her back. She walks back to the bed and climbs back in next to you. “Great minds think alike I guess.” Wanda says, pulling two more velvet boxes from behind her back. She opens them revealing similar rings that have a ruby at its center and diamonds surrounding it.

Natasha behind you chuckles. “I guess so.” She says. “So Natasha Romanoff and Y/n Y/l/n will you marry me?” Wanda asks. You and Natasha laugh before saying yes to her. Wanda places one ring on Natasha’s finger the other she holds out for you not exactly knowing what to do with it since you have one on already. “I can wear both.” You proudly say before putting it above the other one. “Y/n/n that isn’t going to work.” Natasha laughs at your antics.

“Wait, I have an idea.” Wanda gets back up and goes over to her jewelry box. You hear her digging through before pulling something out. She walks back to you and holds out her hand. You place the ring in her hand. She then reveals a necklace. She puts the ring on the necklace before motioning for you to turn. You turn around and Wanda secures the chain holding the ring around your neck. You smiled, placing your hand on the ring before turning back and kissing her again.

As the excitement wears down a bit you three settle back into the bed relaxing. “I love you both so much and can’t wait to be your wife and for you two to be mine.” You say snuggled between the woman. “We love you too.” Both women say at the same time and kiss each of your cheeks.

This day turned from a horrible day of overwhelming panic and pain into one of the best days of your life and you couldn’t be more happy than to be alive in this moment. Holding onto the loving memory forever and excited for what your future will hold.

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ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes · 5 months

Text

Brave Enough

pairing: james potter x fem!reader

genre: kinda angsty

el's thoughts: this is part one! part two will be done soon (hopefully) :)

The young girl’s screams echoed through the Potter’s back garden as James forced the training broomstick to go faster. The cold spring morning air whipped through their hair and past their faces causing Y/N to bury her head between his shoulder blades.

“James! You be careful with her!”

“Don’t worry, Mum! She’s just being dramatic as always.”

“I’m alright, Mrs. Potter! I promise!” Y/N called back after smacking the bespectacled boy in front of her. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his waist as they both sat on his brand-new broomstick– gifted to him by his father against his mother’s better judgment.

“Why can’t you just ride the extra one if you don’t want to go so fast?” He grumbled.

Y/N rolled her eyes, “I don’t know how to ride it, you idiot.”

“Then learn how to,” he pointed out.

“I don’t want to,” she huffed. “Anyway, that’s why I have you.”

James could feel her smiling brightly behind him as he chuckled. “Fair point I guess.”

The pair had been best friends since birth, given that their parents were all friends when they were at Hogwarts. The children had heard of all their fun stories and constantly looked forward to making memories as bright as their parent’s when they finally got their letters. They had a good few years before they turned eleven and each day felt like an eternity, but they always had their fair share of mischief and fun to pass the time.

Footsteps pounded up the steps of the Potter’s manor. Giggles fell from the eleven-year-old’s smiling lips as she pushed open the heavy wooden door with a bit of a struggle.

“I got my letter!” Y/N yelled into the house as she kicked off her shoes by the front door and slipped on the extra pair of slippers they kept for her. Euphemia’s laughter could be heard from the kitchen and the young girl quickly followed the sound. She ran into the kitchen and slid to a stop by the counter with a wide smile.

“Happy birthday, Darling!” Euphemia placed a kiss on the girl’s cheek. Fleamont Potter followed by placing a kiss on her head.

“Thank you,” she smiled. “I got my letter!”

“We know,” the youngest Potter laughed. “We could hear you from your house.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “Well sorry for being excited.”

“No need to be sorry about anything, Y/N/N.” Fleamont chuckled.

Euphemia served both children slices of cake before she and her husband left them in the kitchen. James was quick to finish his slice and had started pestering Y/N for hers.

“Shove off, you had your slice.” She grumbled as she slid her plate away from him.

He sighed and laid his head on the counter, waiting for her to finish. “We’re going to Hogwarts.”

Y/N giggled excitedly, “I know! Isn’t it exciting?”

“We’ll be leaving home,” James muttered into his arm that he used as a pillow.

“Yeah…” she sighed. “But at least we’re going together. We’ll have each other!” She smiled brightly at him and moved her plate back in front of her, silently offering to share.

“You’ll never guess what happened today!” James nearly bellowed as he strutted through the common room door and made his way to the other marauders sitting on the sofa chairs and couch.

Y/N rolled her eyes and threw herself down next to Sirius. “Lily looked at him!” She sighed dramatically with a hand across her forehead. “Can you believe it?”

Remus and Sirius snickered while Peter said words of congratulations. James glared at the girl as he sat on the floor next to her legs. “That was my news to share.”

“Too bad,” she teased and stuck her tongue out at him.

The loud giggles of Y/N’s dormmates sounded from the door interrupted the guy’s conversation. Y/N was quick to jump to her feet, nearly kicking James in the side as she caught up with the girls. “Save me.”

“We heard that!” Sirius hollered back to her.

“Whatever!”

The girls walked up the staircase and filed into the dorm.

“Guess what I heard today?” Marlene asked as she tossed her bag to the floor beside her bed and walked to the bathroom.

Y/N picked up her bag and placed it on the blonde’s trunk. “What did you hear, Marls?”

“McLaggen has a massive crush on you and rumor has it that he’s planning on asking you out soon. My guess is within the next day or so.”

The y/h/c-haired girl choked on her breath. “McLaggen? Quidditch, future ministry worker McLaggen?”

Marlene shouted from the bathroom, “You’ve spent so much time with the boys you’ve gone stupid.”

“Oh, lay off her will you?” Lily spoke up with a chuckle. “It’s not her fault they were her only friends.”

Y/N rolled her eyes so hard she gave herself a small headache. “Shut up the both of you.”

“Right. Anyway, I just thought I’d tell you so you would be prepared.” Marlene strolled out, shaking out her blonde curls.

“Prepared,” Y/N nodded with a far-off expression. “Wait. This is the first time a guy has shown interest in me!”

The other girls laughed at their oblivious friend. “Oh, girl.”

“That’s far from the truth. But it’s the first time one has been brave enough to do anything about it.”

“Brave enough?” asked Y/N, surprised. “I’m that terrifying?”

“Not you,” Lily sighed. “James.”

“James!?”

Hogwarts hallways were always crowded between classes, so it was no surprise to Y/N that she could barely make her way through them to reach her next class. First-years ran between the taller students, and sixth-year students ran just the same. Y/N avoided every nudging shoulder while she flipped through her Defence notes as she walked to her Divination class.

“Y/N!” A voice shouted over the chatter in the hallway. “Hey, wait up!”

She froze in her steps and looked around to spot the source of the voice. McLaggen waved his hand in the air to grab her attention as he shoved his way towards her.

“Hi, McLaggen.” Y/N smiled politely.

“Hey, how are you?” His bright smile made her cheeks hurt just watching him.

“I’ve been good-”

He cut her off, nodding. “I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?”

“Oh,” her eyes widened at his forthright question. “Um, I would love-”

“McLaggen!”

The boy’s face drained of all his color so quickly, that Y/N would have found it humorous if she hadn’t recognized the voice behind her.

“Actually, I think I have plans. Sorry! Maybe some other time!” His words were rushed as he quickly turned around and rushed down the opposite end of the corridor.

‘So much for being brave enough to do something about it.’ She spun on her heel within seconds and strutted over to the group of three who parted the sea of students as they walked.

“You!” She jabbed her finger hard against James’ chest once she reached him. “You obnoxious, annoying, bothersome, appalling, troublesome, dreadful boy.”

“That’s a lot of words,” James muttered to Sirius and Remus who stood beside him.

“Not nearly enough to describe you and how I feel at this very second.” If looks could kill, James would be six feet under where he stood. “Just who do you think you are?”

“Euphemia and Fleamont's son?”

“Your mother would be ashamed of you right now.” Y/N raised her hand to slap his shoulder. “And your father raised you better than this.”

James caught her wrist before she could hit him again. “Woah woah. Hold up, firecracker. What are you talking about?”

She quickly raised her other hand and slapped him anyway. “I’m talking about you scaring off people who have an interest in me!”

The brunette shot a glance of pure horror to Sirius, to which he only responded with a shrug. Remus rolled his eyes and sighed, “You had this one coming, mate. I told you not to do it.”

Y/N turned on the tallest marauders and glared. “You knew he was doing it and did nothing to stop him?”

“I-”

Sirius quickly cut him off in a weak attempt to save at least one of his friends. “We have class, so sorry, darling. And don’t forget, it’s James who’s been friends with you much longer than we have. Okay, bye now!” He reached for Remus’ hand and pulled him into a sprint away from the furious girl.

“Traitors,” muttered James.

The halls started to clear as classes went back into session. However, Y/N couldn’t bring herself to care about being tardy to her Charms lesson at the moment. Her anger cleared but settled into a tearful heartache.

James panicked at the sight of her teary eyes. “Y/N/N…”

“James, why?” she asked with a sniffle.

“I just didn’t want to see you get hurt.”

“But you can’t protect me from that. I want to go on a date and I want to be sought after like the other girls. I want to ask a guy out to Hogsmeade and not be turned down.”

“But Y/N-” James started but was quickly shut down.

“No James. You have chased after Lily every day for the last four years! How is it fair that you get to chase after my friend while I sit back and watch? The only guy I’ve ever hoped would show interest in me, only to watch him go after one of my best friends. Then I find out that you scare off everyone else.” A few tears had fallen from her eyelashes at this point. “How is that fair, James?”

He stared at her with wide eyes. “The guy you hoped would show interest?”

Y/N’s heart dropped to her stomach. “No… James, don’t do that to me.”

She groaned loudly. “That’s what you pay attention to?”

“Well, the girl I’ve had a crush on for years just admitted she feels the same!”

“Y/N…”

“You don’t get the right. That’s just mean.” Her voice was so small and she felt so vulnerable. Before James could say another word she cleared her throat. “I’m late for class.” She walked away from him slowly, as if in a daze. She could feel her heart crack in her chest as she walked away. She knew that there were a million better ways she could’ve handled the situation, but now she had to deal with the cards she played.

This wasn’t the end of the conversation, but she just needed a bit of time. Some time to breathe and straighten out her thoughts. She just needed some time.

#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter x you #james potter x y/n #harry potter #harry potter x reader #harry potter imagines #ellora.writes

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violet-fluff · 5 months

Text

💙 Levi x Injured! Reader

Stay Awake

You were originally part of Hanji’s squad, but with your excellent 3D maneuvering skills, Erwin had you switched over to Levi’s squad as they need only the best on the front lines.

You and Levi were already good friends as you both trained with each other during your youth time in the scouts. Now that you are with him twenty-four seven on his squad though, the both of you have become inseparable.

“You two might as well just hook up.” Oluo sneered as he drinks from his water pouch.

Petra squeezes the bottom of the pouch, causing water to rapidly spurt into Oluo’s mouth, making him choke. “Stop being stupid, and don’t talk dirty about your Captain and squad mates.”

You laugh but continue to pour hot water into two tea cups. Before bed, you and Levi liked to chat over tea. “Thanks, Petra. And for your information Oluo, Levi and I are just great friends. We’ve known each other since you were still a child most likely.”

“How romantic. The perfect beginning to a beautiful love story.” Gunther chimes in jokingly causing Eld to cover his grin.

You roll your eyes and finish fixing up your tea tray. “Well I’m headed out for the night. Goodnight everyone.”

“Don’t forget to add that love potion in his tea.” Gunther shouts, causing Petra to yell at him and the rest of your snickering squad.

“These guys are too much.” You whisper to yourself, half annoyed and half tender as you still love these bozos to death.

Making it to Levi’s office, you notice his door cracked open. A small quirk Levi does so you can easily open the door with your foot while holding the teas.

You swivel the door open with your foot and smile as Levi looks up at you from his desk. “It’s about time you got here.”

“Sorry,” You say and place the tray down on his desk, “I got caught up with Oluo and the other two being idiots again. Petra helped me cut it short.”

“Hm,” Levi grunts and starts to fix his tea, “What were they being stupid about?”

You blush and look down to fix your own. “Nothing. Just stupid guy talk I guess.”

Levi watches your face go red from embarrassment. “If they said anything stupid to you I’ll beat their asses.”

You laugh softly. “Don’t worry about it. Anyway, are you ready for tomorrow? You should get some sleep tonight.”

Levi huffs and looks down at his blue print. “We have the perfect formation down. Everything should go fine if everyone sticks to it.”

“And by everyone, you mean Erwin?” You ask while eyeing him from the rim of the tea cup as you take a sip.

“That bastard better not change anything last minute out on the field this time. He nearly got Hanji’s squad killed.” Levi grimaces on the memory.

“I’m sure with the earful he heard from both you and Hanji, he won’t do it again.”

Levi clicks his tongue. “I hope so. Is your 3D gear back from the shop yet? I can get you a new one.”

You wave him off as you lean back in the chair. “No it’s ok. Keep the new ones brand new. I’m sure mine will be done by tomorrow. I don’t think it needs that much fixing anyway.”

“It doesn’t need that much fixing?” Levi asks with a raised brow. “Your grapple wouldn’t shoot out a few times. It nearly caused you to fall.”

Levi was always protective over you. When you opted to get your gear fixed instead of replaced, he didn’t like the idea very much.

“The trigger is just faulty, not completely broken. It probably just needs to be rewired.”

He clicks his tongue. “You’re testing that shit out once you get it back. I don’t care if everyone has to wait.”

You smile but agree to ease his mind.

——

The next morning everyone is suiting up and gathering their horses when a cadet comes and brings you your gear.

“Y/N, right? The technician had to take another job, so he told me to bring you your fixed gear.” They say while handing you the bulking metal.

“Oh! Perfect!” You thank the cadet and strap the gear to your harness, but freeze when you hear someone clear their throat behind you.

You turn around to see Levi with his arms crossed and you roll your eyes. “Yes, I know the drill…”

The two of you walk towards a tree line and you position yourself to a tree farther away. Turning on the gas cans, you pull the trigger and your grapple shoots out to latch on the tree, pulling you to it. “It works!” You shout to Levi with a thumbs up.

He stares at you, still skeptical as his gut doesn’t have the best feeling, but if he saw with his own eyes your gear working correctly then there should be nothing to worry about.

—-

The mission starts to finally come to an end after a grueling six hours. You all need to clear the designated areas outside of the walls as the government wanted to expand the outer notch of Wall Maria.

In the distance, you see an abnormal titan.

“Ahh, the last titan of the day.” Oluo yawns.

You shoot a red flare in the air, signaling to Hanji’s squad a mile behind you that there is an abnormal ahead.

“Y/N and I will handle this one. The rest of you lay behind.” Levi orders as you two snap at your horses to run faster.

“I’ll get its attention as you cut the nape?”

Levi nods. “Sounds like a plan.”

You stand on your horse and shoot your 3D gear into a nearby tree and fly past the abnormal. It quickly swings its arm at you, but you wrap around the tree and dodge it’s first attempt.

“Wow it’s fast.” You say to yourself and you hover in the air for a second.

It swings at you a second time so you quickly push on your trigger to shoot out another grapple, but the trigger stalls.

You anxiously push on the trigger more as you start falling, and your eyes widen as you see a giant arm in your vision. You scream when you feel it impact with your body and you go flying into a tree before falling and hitting the ground.

You were conscious enough to feel one, maybe more, of your limbs twist and the pressure of yourself hitting the ground making your ears ring before seeing black.

“Oh my god! Y/N!!”

“Petra! Don’t touch her!”

You are able to faintly hear your friends next to you, causing you to muster up enough strength to barely open one eye and fuzzily watch as they loom over you.

Petra has tears coming out of her eyes as Oluo holds her back.

“Captain! Don’t!” You hear Eld yell.

Suddenly, you feel the upper half of your body being lifted and your arms falling back behind you as you don’t have the strength to move them. Someone grabs your face and turns your head towards them.

It’s Levi.

You can barely make out his face.

“God-dammit! Look at me!” He says through gritted teeth, shaking your face with his hand. “Say something!”

Hanji’s squad catches up and she jumps off her horse before it even stops. “Hey!? What happened?!”

Levi is still holding your body tightly against him and trying to shake you awake. “She won’t get up!”

Hanji notices Levi is in a great state of distress, and notices the back of your head wet with blood.

She slowly kneels down next to Levi and squeezes his shoulder. “Levi, let’s put her down for a second, ok? I’ll…I’ll help her.”

Levi looks down at your disheveled face but nods and slowly lowers you back to the ground.

All of your senses are blurry and fuzzy, but you feel someone open your eye more and then force the other one to open for a split second before letting it close again.

“Her pupils are different sizes. I’m sure she just has a concussion. A bad one, but something she can heal from.”

Hanji has Moblit wrap your head in a bandage while she examines the rest of your body. “She has a broken arm and a sprained ankle. I’m not sure if her ribs are fractured. That’s something I’ll have to check back at base.”

Levi was seething with rage. “That idiot technician was supposed to fix her gear. I want him fucking dead.”

“Let’s not get too hasty right now, Levi. Let’s make sure Y/N is taken care of first.” Hanji says as she tries to calm him down.

You senses start to come back a little more as you start waking up from your black out and you hear Levi yelling.

“L-Lev…” You try to mutter out his name.

Levi quickly hovers back over you. “Y/N? Can you look at me?”

You weakly open your other eye slowly and see Levi in double vision.

“That’s good. I need you to stay awake.” He orders you.

“Hurt…” You squeak out.

Levi sighs. “I know, but we’re taking you home, ok?”

While Hanji was checking you over earlier, Gunther shot a black flare signaling a formation was down. This causes an emergency team to come assess the situation and they bring along a wagon of supplies.

They would use this wagon to haul you back to base as a horse would be too bumpy of a ride.

Levi sits in the wagon, holding you across his lap and talks with you to try to keep you awake.

“Hanji said you’re not allowed to sleep with a concussion, brat, so stay awake for me.” He orders as he moves hair out of your face.

“What…happen?” You try to ask but the more you start waking up, the more dizzy your head feels.

“Don’t worry about that right now.”

All you wanted to do was take a long nap. You start to close your eyes and drift off when you were snapped back as Levi shook your cheek a bit.

“Hey, I said stay awake. Why don’t you tell me what you use for my tea. You never told me.” He asks to try to keep you busy.

“The tea…I put lavender…” You tell him.

He furrows his brows. “Just lavender? Is that a secret ingredient?”

You manage to give a tiny smile. “Yes.”

—-

A few days pass by and you are now fully awake but still admitted in the medical clinic on base.

“When can I leave?” You huff at Levi.

“When the doctor says you can.” He scolds.

The doctor said you had quite the concussion and wants to monitor you for a few days. Along with the concussion, you went through the pain of them trying to realign your broken leg and wrap your sprained ankle. Luckily your ribs weren’t fractured but you did develop deep bruising all over your body.

“Don’t make a fuss about leaving. You’ll be bed ridden in your room anyway.” Levi says.

You roll your eyes. “But I’d rather be bed ridden in the comfort of my room than in the medical clinic.” You grab his hand. “Levi…you don’t need to stress anymore. I’m fine.”

He scoffs. “How can I not stress when some idiot technician didn’t do his job. He almost got you killed. How can I even trust the others?”

The technician that was supposed to fix your gear forgot to, and instead of saying so, he lied and said the gear was fixed. In his head, corps members going outside the walls were as good as dead anyway.

He was promptly fired…after getting a major ass whooping from Levi.

You frown as well as scrunch your eyebrows in anger. “Kiss me.”

Levi’s eyes widened as he stared at you in silence. “What did you say?”

You grunt and hold your arm as you sit up more. “I almost died without telling my feelings for you. Since I’m still alive, I want to tell you them. But first, I want you to kiss me.”

Levi stared at you longer, contemplating what to do in his head, before he leans forward and puts his lips against yours. You sigh contently against his lips as you grab a hold of the front of his shirt, and he grabs the back of your neck to deepen the kiss.

After a few moments, you feel Levi’s lips quiver and a wetness on his cheek.

Levi pulls away and leans his forehead against yours. “I thought you were going to die.” He chokes out, tears falling down his cheeks.

You wipe away his tears and hold his face. “Well I didn’t. I’m here with you and I’ll always stay by you. I live for you.”

Levi smiles and kisses you again. “I live for you too.”

#attack on titan #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #levi aot #levi attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin

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hearts4hughes · 9 months

Text

hits different | trevor zegras

(trevor zegras x fem! reader)

a/n: i’ve had this idea in my notes forever, and i’ve just managed to finish it😭 it took wayyyy too long, but i’m proud of this!

warnings: intoxication, alcohol, angst, light swearing

the pulsating bass reverberates through your body as you stand at the bar, drink in hand, trying to wash your hands of the memories of a love gone wrong. your mind drifts to the mess that trevor made of you and the hurtful images that linger in your thoughts.

you wondered if he had already moved on. if he was cooking for another girl at his apartment, or if he had strolled through the streets of anaheim with her hand in hand. had he forgotten about you? three years of love washed down the drain like dirt and filth as he confided in another woman with his love. just the mere thought sends waves of nausea through your body.

it didn’t make sense. you thought breaking up with him was the right decision, but since then, all you’ve felt was pure heartbreak.

it all started with the duck’s bad season. he was frustrated and stressed. he thought he was the problem- even though he wasn’t- and he went into an emotional hole. at the time, you didn’t understand what was happening. you thought he fell out of love with you, so as hard as it was, you broke up with him. the second the words flew off your tongue, he broke down- sobbing, yelling, begging, anything that would help you stay.

you can't help but reflect on how you used to move on so easily, like switching out partners and escaping town, but everything feels different now. the bars you visit play songs that remind you of what once was, and it hurts like nothing you've experienced before.

“y/n,” julia calls out, snapping you back into reality, “you have to stop thinking of him, it’s not going to help.” her hand rubs comfortingly up and down your back. you look at her, your face completely blank of emotion. it’s easier said than done to forget about someone who preoccupied so much of your time, and the alcohol in your system isn’t helping.

“i know, i just,” you stammer, “i just can’t escape him. it’s like he’s haunting me. everywhere i look i’m reminded of the memories we made.” she looks at you with pity.

“love is a lie, babe. you know this already.” she says- the same thing she’s been telling you since forever. “remember when you broke up with aaron?” she asks and you nod in response. “you thought he was the one and that you’d never ever move on, but after a little bit you did. you just need to give it time and you’ll get over him.”

whining, you grab your shot, throwing your head back and downing it. your nose scrunched as the alcohol burned down your throat. “but what if i don’t want to get over him, jul? i don’t want to forget about him. i just want to be with him, i just want trevor.” your words were slurred- almost incoherent.

people around you began to stare and watch the unfolding scene. protectively, julia brought you into a hug, shielding your face from everyone before they saw your tears. “let’s get you home, honey.” she cooed, wrapping her arm around your waist and helping you out of your seat.

julia brought you home, making sure you got into your house safely before driving away. you swung the front door open and stumbled into your apartment. the digital clock on the wall read 2:20am. you ripped off your heels, discarding them somewhere in your living room, and walking into your bedroom. your hair was a frizzy mess, lipstick smudged, mascara smeared everywhere, but you could care less.

you find yourself alone in your room, surrounded by memories of the past, with one particular item catching your eye- trevor’s hat. it sits on a shelf, seemingly untouched since the day you parted ways. the sight of it evokes a rush of bittersweet emotions, and you can't help but pick it up, feeling its fabric against your fingertips. the hat holds a piece of him, a piece of the love you once shared, and the weight of the memories is overwhelming.

as you hold the hat in your hands, a wave of nostalgia washes over you. memories of your time together flood your mind – the laughter, the inside jokes, the intimate moments shared under that very hat. you miss him, and the feeling intensifies with each passing day. the warmth and comfort that his presence once brought into your life are now a distant memory.

you bring the hat close to your chest, hugging it tightly as if it was him. the scent of his cologne, faint but still lingering, brings you back to those tender moments when he would embrace you, and your heart aches.

with each tear that falls, you let yourself feel the grief, the longing, and the emptiness that comes with a wound that hasn’t completely healed. you find yourself whispering his name into the fabric, wishing he were there, holding you.

suddenly, you hear a key turning in the door down the hallway. is it him? is it trevor? or has julia come to take you away from your apartment and the suffocating reminders of him?

the door closes and you hear footsteps approaching your room. the footsteps become louder as the mystery person gets closer. you close your eyes, not bothered to know who it is; however, a small part of you hopes, even wishes that it’s him.

“love?” he calls out, causing your eyes to shoot open. you see him standing in the doorway- a blurry version of him due to the alcohol and crying. a frown adorns his lips as he looks down at you. your tear stained face and bloodshot eyes give him a hint of what you were just doing. “oh y/n,” he coos, making his way over to you and repositioning you into his lap.

his arms snake around your body, pulling you close to his chest. you open your mouth to say something, but the words get caught in your throat. he presses reassuring kisses to the top of your head as you cry into his embrace.

"i’m so sorry, y/n," he whispers, his voice filled with remorse. "i messed up, and i’ve been a mess ever since you left." you try to find the right words to say, but your emotions are too overwhelming, your heart too raw. instead, you bury your face in his chest, holding on to him as if he might slip away again.

"fuck, i thought you moved on," you manage to say through your tears, your voice shaking. "all i could imagine was you with another girl, trev.”

he sights, gently rubbing your back. "no, love, there hasn't been anyone else. i’ve been miserable without you. you were always the one."

“i thought you had fallen out of love with me, that’s why i broke up with you.” your voice trembles with hurt as he feels a pang of guilt in his heart.

his expression softens, his eyes searching yours for understanding. "i was going through a rough time, and I didn't know how to handle it. i thought i was the problem, and i didn't want to bother you with my struggles. i never meant to hurt you." you move your head away from his body, staring deeply into his eyes. he’s been crying too. in that moment, you realize that he's hurting too, and maybe, just maybe, there's a chance for healing and forgiveness.

"i miss you, trevor," you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. "my friends try to take me out to have fun and get drunk, but i always end up slurring your name until someone puts me in a car. they’re going to stop inviting me soon.” you joke- a coping mechanism you’ve had since you were young.

he lets out a small laugh, bringing his hand up to wipe away stray tears, “i’m here now," he replies, "and i want to try again, to make things right. i love you, and my life is a fucking wreck without you."

“i love you too,” your voice is soft and sincere. a smile graces his lips and for the first time since forever, your lips connect with his, reviving what you thought was gone.

#hearts4hughes #nora’s writings 💐#anaheim ducks #trevor zegras #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras x y/n #trevor zegras imagine #hockey blurb #nhl imagine #hockey boys #nhl imagines

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2knightt · 1 year

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hiii I was wondering if u could do smth for the outsiders? Like Darry has a s/o who is the mother figure for the gang and often Johnny n pony call her ma / mom? I js thought it was sooo cute but if not it’s also okay dearrr

darry curtis x motherly!reader

!warnings!

1.fem!reader

2.swearing

3.probably ooc LMFAO

darry would literally love you. oh my god.

you’re caring???? you help take care of the gang??? you help ponyboy with homework???

you might as well rip his heart out of his chest cause it’s already yours!

the gang loves you, probably even more than darry does!

but to darry, that’s impossible.

you’re heaven sent to him. he truly believes you’re a miracle!

when he’s stressed out, you’re right there to help him destress!

giving him a massage, giving him tea, shit maybe even all of the above if you feel like it.

“jeez dare, stop overworking yourself so much! you’re gonna die some day because of it!”

“no i won’t, been doin’ it for so long i’ve gotten used to it.”

“thats even worse!!”

when you cook for him he will GOBBLE it up.

homie can taste the love you put in and he thinks it makes the food taste 100x better.

but even you have stressful days! but, expect darry to treat you like a princess!

he will not let you leave his bed, he is getting everything you want.

water? done. a book? already in your hand. a fucking car? he’s wasting all his money for you!

he will follow you to hell if you ask him nicely.

he just loves you so much.

when he somehow get’s hurt in rumbles he’s so glad you’re there to patch him up.

but he isn’t glad that he gets an earful from you.

“you know i hate these things. why do you out of all people go darry? you’re better than this.”

he just grumbles because he doesn’t even want to answer anything with a black eye that’s slowly forming on his right eye.

the gang is so thankful that you can patch them up too. they sometimes fight over who you’re gonna help next.

“i’m goin’ after darry!”

“SODA! YOU’VE GONE SECOND FOR LIKE 3 TIMES IN A ROW. IT’S MY TURN!!”

“PISS OFF TWO-BIT.”

“actually it’s my turn.”

“shut the hell up steve.”

“AYE!”

ponyboy’s just happy he has a mother figure in his life again. his mom was definitely his favourite parent, so now that he has someone to replicate that, he’s on the moon.

he only calls you mom or ma in private, he’s too embarrassed to say it with others in the room.

BUT, he definitely lets the mom calling slip accidentally infront of the gang.

“mom, do you need help with the dishes?”

“MOM?!”

“WHAT?!?”

pony just looks down in embarrassment until you chuckle and agree to him helping you. then he’s all smiles and sunshine!

darry is so happy to see this you don’t get it.

darry asks for advice from you to get to know ponyboy better since he rambles on and on about whatever he’s most interested in at the time.

“so uh, about ponyboy…”

“oh! he really likes ‘gone with the wind’, i know you don’t have much time to read so, i can just tell you the important stuff!”

he just nods and stares at you as you talk about the characters, the main plot, and the small details ponyboy’s obsessed with.

he’s taking mental notes and thanking you heavily when you’re finished talking!

“thank you, y/n. really. i appreciate all you do for me.”

“awe! of course, babe. anything for you.”

he’s giggling and blushing at the last sentence

he’s so thankful that you’re there to talk some sense into the gang.

sometimes he sits on the sidelines and just watches.

“DALLAS WINSTON. WHAT ON GODS GREEN EARTH WERE YOU THINKING PULLING SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!”

“I’M SORRY! JESUS.”

dallas just throws his hands in the air in defeat, knowing that no matter how much he apologizes you’ll continue to scold him.

but he listens, he doesn’t do whatever he did for awhile.

darry just chuckles at the sight.

his mom used to scold dallas like that, so seeing you do the same brought back good memories for him.

being around you just reminds him of the ‘good old days’ so when he’s around you his mood immediately lifts.

like he could be yelling at ponyboy to raise his grades and you could walk in and darry would go “AND STUDY MO- oh hey babyyy!!☺️☺️”

everyone’s eternally grateful for you.

ESPECIALLY JOHNNY GOOD LORD.

he goes to you for literally everything.

something bad happened to him?? he’s at your front door! something good happened to him??? he’s right beside you telling you about it!

yeah, he calls you mom too.

he doesn’t mean to though! he just looks up to you so much, he’s always seen you has a mother figure but he never thought he’d actually call you mom!

“hey ma, does my hair look tuff!?”

“huh?”

he’s FROZEN in place. he’s so embarrassed, he’s literally overheating.

you just giggle to yourself and say his hair does infact, look extremely tuff.

he walks away smiling with a little hop when he walks.

the gang fights over your attention with darry.

they ain’t got a good life at home, but if you give them the motherly love they’ve been missing? they will kill someone for you.

darry loves and hates this.

he loves that you and the gang get along. he can’t be with someone the gang doesn’t like, but he hates that they like you so much they talk to you 24/7.

he sometimes just snatches you while you’re talking to someone in the curtis house.

like you could be talking to sodapop and he’ll come behind you and grab you by the waist and carry you into his room.

all that while soda chases him down, yelling nonsense.

“DARRY! I WAS TALKING TO HER.”

“that’s crazy…”

overall, darry would definitely look for a mother-like lover.

he needs it fr🙏

author notes;

1.EVERYONE SHUT UP THIS IS MY FIRST REQUEST I CANT

2.when i read dear i lowkey giggled and kicked my feet

3.should i make a taglist??!!???? would literally anyone like to be tagged in my outsiders fics?!!!????

4.i really hope i did this justice LMFAO

5.btw if you’ve DMed me im not ignoring you, im working up the courage to talk to you. im a very nervous person😭😭

may 11th, 2023. 10:18PM.

#2knightt #the outsiders #the outsiders x reader #darry x reader #darry curtis x reader #darry curtis

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myredrainbow · 4 months

Text

~Since Hazbin Hotel is finally getting their season within a week, I wanna start off my tumblr with an Alastor fic for those who love him ( myself included). Forgive me if everything isn’t accurate towards his personality, since the season will come out soon hopefully all of us can see his personality more ! Enjoy !~

( Headcanons : Alastor x Y/n )

~ Alastor at first was just near you for the entertainment due to his boredom over the past few decades.

~ But ever since you’ve join the crew in the hotel, something inside him just.. changed..

~ You we’re a housekeeper/maid, that cleans hotel rooms for guest. You and niffty get along great, and Alastor likes you for that.

~ Once you came in his office- ( based off the pic in the season. Not sure if it’s a room or office) you were there to clean around his office, due to him being a powerful overlord. You wanted to leave as quickly as possible because you didn’t want to make Alastor mad.

~ Alastor moved himself towards his door, as he watched you clean around his office. Standing there smiling at the sight . Not in a sexual way.

~ Once you were finished, you picked up your rag and duster only to find yourself get hit on the head with the duster. “OW!” You yelled, as you rubbed your head.

~ Alastor chuckled as he walked towards you as your head started to sting. “Now my dear! Allow me!” He cheered as he touch your head, the stinging pain fading away. Making you confused..

( not sure if he can actually do that but for this fic, yes ^^ )

~ Alastor’s hand then gently rubbed the bump where the duster hit you, as the bump swelled down. Your face bloomed red, as you realized how close he his too you.

~ But you got to your senses, and did a small bow to him. “Thank you, Alastor.. I’m so clumsy” you sighed out but he just kept rubbing your head. “ Oh! No no no, my dear! It’s nothing to worry about!” He smiled as he placed his hand by his side.

~ You blushed as you moved away from him, “apologies but I still have to continue to clean the other rooms”. You grabbed your supplies as you walked towards the door but was stopped but Alastor appearing out of nowhere.

~ “Now dear, if you need anything. Just let my know, I wouldn’t hesitate to come to your rescue” he grinned, turning his head to the side. You just blinked at him.

~”what?” You question, as he gently held your hand. “As a gentleman, I don’t want anything to happen to you and your pretty face” he said, fluttering his lashes at her.

~You then fluttered your lashes yourself in confusion but then smiled softly, “Oh, um. That’s very kind of you”. Alastor smiles and moves out of the doorway, allowing you to continue your work.

~”Which reminds me my dear, do you have a favorite song I’m able to play over the radio? To help you work?” He beamed, You thought for a second and remembered. “Over the rainbow” you smiled.

~About ten minutes into your cleaning, your heard static over the radio. Then a familiar tune was playing over it…

“Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly”

You sigh happily as you softly twirl around, memories of your life on earth- swirling around your head. Your smile bright as ever ..

~ As Alastor smiles at the doorway, smiling to see you happy~

Woo-hoo! That’s was my first fic on tumblr done! I’m sorry if it’s inaccurate! But I hope you like it !! And if you have an idea - feel free to request ! I’m open for it!! Btw the song is from the wizard of Oz since it’s close to Alastor’s time period!

-RedRainbow

#hazbin hotel #alastor #x y/n fluff #x reader #cute

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xueyidweams · 12 days

Text

rambling once again (aventurine x cat-person gn!reader) (this kind of pattern is what I’m talking about.) (read more bc this became quite long, sorry!!!)

Aventurine in his life of working for the IPC has come across a lot of stealers or kids trying to find their food for the day. he usually gives them some money and send them on their way. however, he really didn’t expect for someone to try and rob him in Penacony, in the dreamscape no less. Somehow he didn’t sense the man hurling himself towards him and grunted in surprise as he was pushed down, before he could even open his eyes the man was off of him and running away with claw marks all over him.

dumbfounded, he gets up and looks around, only to find two cat eyes staring at him… except they weren’t a cat… well.. half cat half person? He thought the species went extinct long ago. though, you were living proof of the opposite. you helped him sit up, he felt your claws brush against his knuckles and you felt the coolness of his rings on your paw-hand. observing his every move with utmost attention, your feline eyes following his every mimic and body movement.

“well thank you kind stranger—“ you accidentally cut him off as you smell him closely and realize who he is, he smells just like those bastards from the IPC! way too rich to be true smelling! your ears curl backwards and you pull yourself away hastily as you run away from him. He blinks as he sees you run, so fast… is this why the IPC hunts you all down like you’re all one of a kind? He yells after you, “Hey wait! just listen to me, please!“ you look back at him, your teeth snared and your pupils as slanted as they can be, “leave me alone IPC scum!”

you turn a few corners and your eyes widen in horror to see a dead end… what the hell, you know this place like the back of your hand! did they build this just now or have you been hanging in the unfinished part for way too long? the hairs on your tail stand up and your ears curl back as you hear his footsteps, taking a step back your back meets the wall with an oomph.

“Hey look— don’t be so hostile, we don’t have to be enemies. you can trust me.” yeah right. with those eyes? they’re unnervingly pretty and somehow frightening. your gut is telling you to run but your heart is hammering way too fast in your chest and the sound is drowning out his voice and you feel like everything you’ve had to endure to not fall into IPC’s slimy hands again has all been for nothing and—

you feel a hand on your arm, you look up and meet his eyes. then you feel the warm tears staining your cheeks, your tail hugs your leg as your ears droop, “look. please don’t give me up to them, i’ll literally do anything. do you want any dirty work done? i can do it! please just leave me alone, i don’t want to go back i can’t go back!” you see his eyes… soften somehow. to him, you’re a stark reminder of who he was, maybe still is. the way you fight so hard to protect the most precious thing to you, your freedom reminds him so much of the unsavory memories that he doesn’t notice he is squeezing your arm a bit hard and some of the fur is stuck on his rings. you flinch and grimace and he untangles your fur from his rings, he pulls his hands off of you.

he coughs in his hand and looks at you once more, voice softer yet firm. “im not going to hurt you or give you up. that’s not my job anyways. i just wanted to thank you, for helping even though it could put me in serious hot water. cats hate water right?” you half rolls your eyes at his teasing remark, “yeah yeah pretty boy, cough up some cash if you want to thank me. thanks for not turning me in but empty sentiments won’t feed me when i have to wake up from this dream.”

he smiles and takes off the ring from his index finger, he looks at you, “can i hold your hand?” you feel a slight warmness spreading through your face and squint your eyes, “fine but don’t try anything funny!” he chuckles and takes your hand in his gently, “wouldn’t dream of it.” he slips the ring on your ring finger, winking at you. “you can sell this for at least five hundred thousand credits, plenty to eat hm?” you look at your finger, the ring and at him as your heart does summersaults in your ribcage. you’ve never… even as a tease you’ve never been flirted with this is—

he takes advantage of your stupor and strokes your shoulder, squeezes slightly and gives you a smile. “you haven’t seen me and i haven’t seen you, yes?” you nod, speechless but thankful. he turns around and you finally get your voice back, “wait!” he looks back, his eyes watching you with interest. he raises his eyebrows, “thank you. i dont know what else to say but i’ll never forget this. and i wasnt’… joking when i said i could do your dirty work. so if you need something and i can get it done, i’ll do it free of charge.” you manage to tumble out as your voice trembles a bit, still shocked. his smile returns, “I’ll think about it, maybe fate will make us cross paths again huh?” he gives a little wave and starts walking, “oh also, do take care of your fur, it’s rather soft.”

you look dumbfounded, your face morphing from surprised to angry to flustered but he has already left. you look at your ring finger again and play with the ring, maybe the aeons have pitied you now?

‘he’s really pretty…’

you think to yourself as you pocket the ring and think of all the fish, meat and bread you’re gonna eat. and maybe you’ll try that soul glad thing.

#should i continue this?#hsr aventurine #honkai star rail #aventurine #aventurine x male reader #aventurine x reader #hsr x reader #aventurine honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader

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sturniolo-rat · 11 days

Text

Chapter 1: Cherry Contact

A/N: If this flops, I’m going to cry😢 In loving memory of @newsourceofnonsense, she's not dead; I just like the memory of her.

Contains: smut, oral, fingering , exhibitionism, plot

TW: tell me if you find any

Chris and Y/N are two walking commitment issues that enter into a mutually assured attachment.

Everyone thinks Y/N is a book hoarder, but she considers herself more of a book collector. She has over 700 books that take up damn near her whole apartment. The collection consists primarily of special and first-edition books. It’s probably worth around $50,000, but she doesn’t care because she plans on keeping them forever. To fund her obsession, she works as a waitress at a restaurant that just opened up called “The Copper Kitchen.” her best friend, Dorset, is a freckle-faced white girl with short brown hair, green eyes, and circle glasses. She also happens to be a bartender at “The Copper Kitchen.” Currently, Y/N is outside of her apartment waiting for Dorset so they can carpool to work. When Dorset pulls up in her shitty car, Y/N is ecstatic because she has big news to share.

“Dot, I’ve done it!” she says as she hops into the passenger seat.

“Wh- what have you done?” She’s very concerned that Y/N has done something crazy. It wouldn’t be the first time. The last time something like this happened, she told Dorset that she got her ex’s name tattooed on her left ass cheek.

“I’ve decided to have sex with men again!”

Dorset is relieved. “OMG! Yes! We can finally fight over men again!” They laugh as she merges back onto the road to begin the short trip to work.

“Yep, I’m meeting a guy at the restaurant after my shift,” Y/N says proudly. She's been off men since her break up three years ago, and this new guy is the first not to give her the ick within the first week of talking. She knows meeting up doesn’t automatically mean sex, but she hasn’t had dick in 3 years and feels that she owes it to herself to fuck this man. It’s not like she’s interested in anything else from him. Romance is strictly off the table for her. She prefers to stick to smutty romance books and shitty Tumblr fanfics of perfectly romanticized versions of men.

“Oh, I can’t wait to hear all about your little hookup.” They part as they head to their respective jobs at the restaurant—time to deal with shitty customers who tip like assholes.

Twenty minutes before the end of her shift, the most obnoxious kids walk in. They’re not actually kids; they're about 20, but Y/N considers anyone under 22 a kid, and these guys seem incredibly immature.

“Hey guys!” Says Nick, holding up the camera. “Welcome to today’s Friday vlog where we will be…”

Matt takes the camera, “trying the food at…”

Chris gets into the shot and yells, “The Copper Kitchen!”

Nick hits Chris in the head “Don’t yell in my fucking ear!”

“Don’t hit me, Dickface!” Chris hits him back while Matt holds the camera and laughs to the side.

The Y/N comes up and loudly asks, “Is this your whole party?” She gives them a disapproving look.

Matt is the first to speak, “Yes, ma’am, it’s just the three of us today.”

“Sorry, ma’am,” said Nick and Chris in unison. Chris is noticeably more embarrassed than Nick is. He’s absolutely mortified to be seen acting like a child in front of such a beautiful woman.

“Thank you. Let me show you to your table.” She picks up three menus before walking them to their seats. Only when they’re all sitting and looking up at her does she realize that the three boys are triplets. “Can I start you off with something to drink?”

She points to Matt. “Root beer, thanks.”

She points to Nick. “Water, if you don’t mind.”

She points to Chris. “What’s the best virgin mixed drink you guys have?”

“I’m not sure, but you can never go wrong with a Shirley Temple. Do you want me to go ask the bartender?” She would love to tell Dorset about the sexy triplets that just stumbled in.

“Nope, we’re all good. I’ll take a Shirley Temple and a Pepsi.”

“Great. I’ll be back in a few with your drinks.”

Y/N practically runs to Dorset. Chris can’t help but watch her ass as she walks to the bar to order his drink. When she returns a few minutes later, she hands Chris his drinks last.

“Thank you for the Pepsi, but this…” he lifts the mixed drink and hands it to her. “is for you, miss…” he pauses to look at her name tag. “Y/N. It’s an apology for making a scene in your restaurant.” Nick and Matt are in shock over how forward he’s being. Chris has never really flirted in front of them before. It’s kind of weird, but they can see why he has so many girls in and out of his room.

“Well, thank you…”

“Chris.” he interrupts. “Please, call me Chris.” he gives Y/N a charming smile.

“Thank you very much, Chris. However, my shift is over, and Michelle will serve you for the rest of the night.”

“I’m sorry to see you go, miss Y/N, but I hope you have a good day.”

“Will do, Chris,” says Y/N before she walks away to sit across the room at the bar. She talks to Dorset about her date tonight while she waits for him. His name is Theo. He’s blonde with deep brown eyes, and from what Y/N can tell from sexting, he’s so fucking good at dirty talk. Unfortunately, he is 30 minutes late to meet her.

Chris has been relatively quiet for today’s video. He’s been distracted watching Y/N enjoy his drink and seeing her smile and laugh with her friend. She looks somewhat distressed now, and Chris can't help but think he’s found his opening. He makes the boys wrap up the video and leaves to get Y/N’s number.

He turns on his charm and sits on the stool next to her. “What’s got you so worried, miss Y/N.”

“Pretty sure I’m being stood up. I’m also pretty sure people under 21 can’t sit at the bar.”

“Who says I’m not 21? Maybe I’m here to buy you another drink.”

Y/N cocks her eyebrow as she calls her friend over. “Order me something then.”

Chris tries to think his way out of this. “Listen, you guys are friends, right? She’s just been stood up, and a handsome young man would like to buy your friend a drink. I’m sure if you just forget to card me this one time and let me buy her a Shirley Temple with vodka and extra cherries, it would make her night ten times better.”

“My hands are tied, Y/N. You’re my weakness.” she looks to Chris. “Dirty Shirley coming right up.”

“You’re fuckin’ smooth, aren’t you?” asks Y/N.

Much more confident than he was moments before Chris responds, “Yes, ma’am, I am. Now tell me all about the bad man who hurt you.”

“I’m not really hurt,” she replies, but Chris can tell she’s hiding something.

“No?” he questions.

Dorset comes with her drink, and Y/N takes a nervous sip. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Of course you can, Miss Y/N.”

“I’m not hurt. I was just really horny, and I got my nails done for this date, and not I can’t even touch myself at home because my nails are so sharp,” she says, completely embarrassed. She doesn’t make eye contact with him and focuses intensely on eating her maraschino cherries.

“I don’t mean to be too forward, but…” he leans in, whispering in Y/N’s ear, “ I think I can help you with that.” She doesn’t miss a beat. She takes his hand and drags him to the large family bathroom. Dorset claps and cheers them on openly as they make their way. Y/N makes a mental note to get her back somehow later.

She palms him through his pants, and Chris grabs her face, pulling her into a rough, hurried kiss. “Oh, fuck. You taste like cherries.” he hikes up her uniform skirt and rubs her over her panties.

“You have yourself to thank for that.”

He spins her around so he can watch her face in the mirror as he touches her. “You’re also soaked. Do I have myself to thank for that, too?” before she can say anything, Chris’s finger is spreading her lips apart and playing at her entrance.

She closes her legs in response. “Nope, not so fast. You gotta eat it first.”

Chris sinks to his knees. “Yes, ma’am.” he wastes no time. He spreads her thighs apart, slides her panties to her knees, and starts lapping at her clit from behind. He’s got to be quick because his brothers are waiting for him.

She bends over the sink, propping herself up on her forearms. “Oh, fuck!” she groans.

“Hush, Cherry. Don’t want to get fired for fucking on the job, do we?.” The vibrations from his laugh makes Y/N’s pussy shiver causing her to wiggle a little. Chris loves watching her ass jiggle. “Has anyone ever eaten your ass?” he parts her cheeks and gives her a playful spank. “You have such a cute little asshole. Do you mind if I try?”

“Yeah, you can try,” she says sheepishly, hiding her face from the mirror.

“Don’t worry, I won’t forget to give your clit some attention.”

“Oh, yes! Just like that!” Y/N cries out louder than she means to as his tongue explores her ass. He rubs her clit with the pad of his finger, and she lets out a breathy moan. Chris is hard as a fucking rock, and she’s making such pretty sounds. It’s torture not to touch himself, but he came here to help her out and needs to focus on making her cum.

“Yeah. Tell me how you like it.”

“Fingers, please,” she begs.

“Tell me how many you need, Cherry?”

“Two. Just two, please.” Y/N takes his fingers inside of her with ease. He searches for a moment to find that special spot of hers. “Right there!”

Chris is so happy with how open she’s been to him. The girls he’s been with recently have been so meek. She’s such a good girl telling him just where she needs him. He works his fingers into her faster, making sure to hit her G spot every time. Y/N starts pushing herself back on his fingers. Chris feels her pussy begin to tighten like a vice around him. “You’re such a good fucking girl. Cum for me, Cherry. Cum on my fingers.” her legs giveaway as her climax burns through her, and Chris has to hold her up as he tries to work her through it.

When her orgasm subsides and her vision comes back, Chris is on the floor holding her. She rests her head on his chest and says, “Thank you. That was fucking amazing.”

“Anytime, Cherry. I don’t expect any reciprocation today, but I feel I am owed your phone number.” He hands her his phone, and the new contact is already open.

“Of course, here’s my number, Chris.” she hands the phone back to him, gets back onto her feet, and pulls her panties up. She leaves without saying goodbye. Chris looks down at his phone and smiles at her contact name. “Y/N🍒 (Sexy Waitress)”

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lnnlove · 2 years

Text

heat waves | j.m.

based on “heat waves,” by glass animals

summary: regret and angst surround JJ and Y/N after JJ ended their relationship thinking that you would be better off with someone other than him. of course, it's a small island so you can't avoid each other forever, leading to you both having to confront your true feelings.

author’s note: sorry, apparently all I can write are angst fics based on songs but the ideas just keep coming! hope you’re not sick of this and enjoy. also I think this is the most JJ dialogue i’ve ever written, I hope it sounds like him!

word count: 9.7k (sorry, got carried away)

warnings: cursing, slightly smutty (foreplay/lead up), self-deprecation, depression, skipping meals/eating very little, language, marijuana use, fighting, yelling

Sometimes, all I think about is you. Late nights in the middle of June. Heat waves been faking me out. Can't make you happier now.

JJ can’t sleep. There’s a storm raging outside his window but it's nothing compared to the one inside his head. Summer always comes with storms in the South, because when the heat of the days meets a cold front from over the ocean, the heat wave rises and humidity condenses into rain.

He paces around trying to quiet his mind and throws his hat to the ground when he can’t. He flops to his bed with a frustrated grunt, exhaling the deep breath he’s been holding in. You taught him those, but they don’t seem to work anymore.

JJ brings his arms behind his head as he stares to his ceiling, possessed by the lightening flashes in his window, momentarily illuminating the surface above him before returning back to shadows.

The blank stare in his eye deepens as he fixated on the ceiling, remembering how you loved to snuggle up during storms to listen to them. He remembers how your soft skin felt underneath the blanket with him, arms and legs tangled together in a nest of comfort in one another. He remembers how one particularly large clap of thunder could cause a slight jump in you and that he always found it adorable.

“At least now we can spend the rest of the day in bed. Storm rules, I don’t make them up,” he remembers you saying after he would complain about the storm causing him to miss a day of surfing.

When he would hesitate to join you, you would pout momentarily before bursting into begging pleases with a gentle yank of his arm leading him towards your bed. Sometimes he would hesitate on purpose just to trigger this response from you. He loved it. When he finally gave in, a huge smile would spread across your face before kissing him. That smile, he thought. That god damn smile that's burned in to his brain could get him to do anything.

He wishes the memory would warm him up but really, it brings him nothing but pain knowing that he pushed away that one thing that brought him nothing but happiness because he thought you’d be better off with someone other than him.

JJ groans and rolls over to lay on his stomach, taking the pillow in his hands and shoving it over the back of his head, applying pressure - certain that will help drown out the thoughts that are plaguing him tonight.

But nothing helps. And it's been five weeks.

JJ suffers through the restless night, thinking of only you and how he wished he could feel a kiss from you one more time. He desperately wants to cave, give in and call you. He opens his phone, the light illuminating his face in the dark room. He stares at your contact. He wants to apologize and take it all back more than anything. But in his mind, this was the best thing he could do for you. And so, he suffers, closing his phone and tossing it across his room, thinking he was doing you a favor.

If you love someone, you have to let them go, he recited to himself internally from under the pillow. He repeated it over and over in his mind until he was sure that he had done the right thing and at last, finally began drifting off to sleep.

JJ hoped that you were doing better than him. He hoped that he was right, and that you’d find more happiness with someone who could give you more of what you deserved than he could.

But little did he know, less than a mile away, you were in your bed doing the exact same thing.

Usually, I put something on TV. So we never think about you and me. But today, I see our reflections clearly in Hollywood, laying on the screen.

You love rain. You love how it pours down, washing over everything without discrimination. You love how after a rain, the grass is greener and the birds sing and you feel clean.

You are so thankful for the storm outside bringing you at least a little comfort in your bed that night. You haven't had any comfort like this in weeks, since JJ ended things with you.

Your favorite foods don't taste the same. You favorite shows can't make you laugh. The blanket on your bed and the water in your shower doesn't feel the same on your skin. Your bed suddenly feels big and empty with just you in it. Your mom doesn't know how to talk about it with you so she just stares quietly from the door, dropping off meals on your side table and picking up the last one that remains barely touched.

Desperate for a interruption from your persistent ruminating thoughts about not being what JJ wanted, you sit up against your headboard and reach for your remote.

Surely there is something that can distract me from this torture, you think to yourself, flipping through the channels on your screen, desperate for some type of relief.

You settle on a black and white film that you don't recognize. There's something about the grainy picture and muffled sound of old films that you’ve always found comfort in, even if you’re not paying attention to the plot.

But there’s something in the way that the male lead in this movie looks at his best friend in the movie that reminds you of how JJ used to look at you and now you know there’s no use in seeking distraction from movies. It's been five weeks and everything reminds you of him.

With a sigh, you sink back into your bed and roll over, wrapping yourself in your blanket to look out your window. After watching the lightening momentarily illuminate your room, you close your eyes to listen closely to the rain falling on your roof.

And when the thunder rumbles outside, you find comfort in the small rattle it causes in your sternum. This is the first thing you’ve felt deeply in weeks.

Of course, the storm makes you think of all the stormy summer days that you’ve spent with JJ. You can’t help him coming across your mind. He was everything to you, so of course you have your own personal storm of memories flooding your headspace, ending with the stinging pain of remembering how he ended things with you.

You wonder how he is. He’s probably at the Chateau with his friends anyway, probably not giving you a second thought, you think. How naive you are.

Even with that thought swarming in your mind, you feel a serious temptation to call him.

You open your phone, staring at his contact. You can’t bring yourself to delete the photos of him from your phone. It would probably make it easier to get over him, but you’re so scared to never have them again.

You almost do it. You almost press the call button.

He wouldn’t answer, you think. And just like that, the fleeting temptation is gone. You close your phone and set it upside down on your nightstand.

You have the feeling in your throat like you want to cry. But you’ve cried all the tears you had already today, so you’re stuck with that feeling in your throat and no way to relieve it.

You close your eyes and wish for sleep to take you. Maybe if you wish hard enough, it will come.

But when you close your eyes, all you can think about is the look on his face that night.

You just need a better life than this. You need something I can never give.

The text you got from him that night sent you into a panic.

Can I come over? Need to talk.

You tried to push it out of your mind. JJ needed to talk a lot, about all kinds of things. You shouldn't jump to the assumption that it's bad. There hadn't been any signs that he was unhappy in the relationship.

Sure babe! Whenever.

You responded, forcing yourself to act normal.

You swallowed the negative gut feeling you had down and prepared to wait for him to arrive, thinking he would come later in the night and then stay with you. But he was there within 5 minutes, knocking on your front door.

"Hey baby!" you greet him. He's standing with his hands in his pockets, he gives you a soft smile and small nod.

That's weird, you think. He moves inside and passes you as you close the door behind him. You turn around and step closer to where he's standing now. He's not immediately seeking physical connection with you like he normally would, either by snaking his arms around your waist or kissing you when he walked by. You move in to give him a kiss as you wrap your arms around his middle for a hug. He barely returns your kiss, and remains unmoving and tensed in your hug.

You pull your head away with haste, leaving your arms around him as you search his eyes for answers only inches away.

“What's wrong baby?" you question him.

He just stares down at you with hardened eyes, brows furrowed as he focuses on your expression twisting into concern.

Fuck, he thinks, this is going to be hard.

"JJ, please tell me what's going on," you beg him, stress building inside you at his prolonged silence and apathetic body language.

It seems to you like he's standing there, careless and completely indifferent to the concern he's causing you. But what you don't know is that he's in his mind screaming at himself to keep his resolve and act like he doesn't care when his first instinct is to rush and wrap you in his arms planting kisses all over your beautiful face to get that look off of it. He's a good actor.

"I've been thinking," he finally speaks, "And..."

"And?" you question.

"And I don't think we're right together, Y/N."

You pull away from him and step back, collapsing into yourself. You hear him continuing, but you don't understand the words. You can see his lips moving, talking at you but you don't comprehend the string of words that are blending together as everything around you goes quiet and your vision begins to blur with tears. Your wrap your arms around yourself to try and find comfort as he stands in front of you, just inches away but he's never felt farther.

You return to the moment and swallow the lump in your throat, wiping the tears at your eyes.

"No," you beg him, lifting your eyes to meet his. It's all you can say. What could have possibly changed since the last time you saw him to cause this? you think.

God damn, she's so stubborn, he curses internally. He didn't expect you to put up such a fight for someone like him.

"You deserve better than what I can give you Y/N," he presses you to see reason.

"What do you mean JJ? I don't understand," you plead between your continuing tears.

"I mean," he pulls his head away from you, dropping it into his hands with frustration, "that I'm not good enough for you."

"Of course you are," you take a step forward with an outstretched arm to try and comfort him, "where is this coming from?"

He jerks away from your efforts.

"Damn it, Y/N, why do you have to make this harder?"

"You think I'm just going to let you break up with me for something as stupid as this?"

"It's not stupid!" he yells. Exasperated, he stares at you with a look you've never seen on his face. Hurt, shame, embarrassment, and also anger all at once.

"You need someone who can take care of you! You need someone who can take you out whenever you want and buy you fancy dinners and dresses and jewelry. And take you to see the world like you've always talked about. And someone who can give you a comfortable home and life and everything that I can't give you!"

"JJ, what have I done to make you think that? You can take care of me! And I don't care about any of that stuff. Why don't you let me make that decision for myself?"

"You don't know any better," he says with a short tone.

"Excuse me?" you ask, eyes wide and eyebrows raised. You're offended now, "do you really think I am so small minded that I don't know what's good for me? Did how I feel about this ever even occur to you?"

He doesn't answer. You start again.

"JJ, YOU are what makes me the happiest. Even when you're acting like this, I still want you. I do feel like you can take care of me and build us a home together. If you think I'll be happier without you, you're crazy."

This isn't working, he thinks to himself. He rushes to figure out how he can convince you. What will he have to say? Unfortunately, that leaves you with the perfect amount of time to jump to conclusions. And it gives him the perfect opportunity.

"If you don't want to be with me, just say that. Don't pull this noble 'I'm saving you' bullshit," you mock him with air quotes, fighting now.

"Fine," he says, exhaling his anger and bracing to hurt you now. This is the only way you'll accept it.

"I don't want you anymore," he lies. Of course you're what he wants for the rest of his life, but he can't be selfish, he has to stay on task. This may be the hardest thing he's ever had to do, hurting the person he loves the most in the world.

"Okay then," you whisper with a nod, now fully understanding what this was about. Or so you thought. You begin to cry, breaking your eye contact with him and looking for anything in the room to focus on other than him.

For a moment, JJ falters when he sees what he’s done.

“Y/N wait,” he begins, taking a step forward with a hand outstretched to touch you, but you step to the side away from him. You walk towards your door and open it.

“Just go, please,” you say quietly, standing by the door and using it to block half of your body. JJ doesn’t see that the part of your body that’s hidden is leaning on the door to keep you standing.

He takes one last look at you through furrowed brows and sorry eyes. He wants to say something but he doesn’t know what. Probably that he loves you and that’s why he’s doing this, but of course you wouldn’t believe him.

JJ breaks his gaze from you and opens the glass door that remains in his way. His heart is breaking. His brain is yelling at him to stop, turn around and take it back, but his feet somehow keep carrying him forward.

The glass door is not even closed behind him when your knees fail you and you collapse to the ground in tears. You had been holding it in so well for too long and the audible pain you’re experiencing escapes you.

JJ turns around and sees you through the glass door, on your knees and sobbing into your hands.

He thought lying to you was the hardest thing he’s ever done, but he was wrong. He lies all the time. Standing there seeing you breaking like that and not rushing back to you to it all back is the hardest thing he's ever done.

You can't fight it, you can't breathe. You say something so loving, but now I gotta let you go. You'll be better off with someone new.

There’s a gentle knock on your bedroom door that pulls you from your book. And for a moment you think maybe it could be JJ. But you remember the pattern with which he used to knock and know it couldn’t be him.

Your door barely opens and you hear your mom call to you.

“Hey honey,” she says as she peeks inside to make sure you’re awake, then she opens it fully and enters.

You’re sitting on your bed, reading your tenth book in the six weeks since JJ broke up with you. You haven’t been doing much else at all. Your mom approaches your bed and sits on the side of it facing you.

“Hey mom,” you say quietly with a small smile, moving your bookmark into place and setting the book down in your lap.

“How are you today baby?” she asks.

“I’m okay,” you say with a shrug. It’s not a total lie. You have good days and you have bad days. You haven’t cried today which is always a small victory.

“I’m worried your wasting your summer away cooped up in here, Y/N. It’s already June and you’ll be back to school before you know it.”

You’re a little shocked by your mom’s words. She hasn’t acknowledged the break up or your behavior since very much. She’s mostly kept her distance and let you be, not forcing you to talk about anything. She’s even let you get away with stealing her wine and liquor, which you know she must have noticed by now.

“I just don’t have much else to do mom,” you respond with a defeated gesture. You’ve gotten out to go on a few walks in the last two weeks, but there’s too many spots on the island where he could be and so you avoid them all together for fear of seeing him. That doesn’t leave too many places to go.

“What about your friends baby?” she asks.

In truth, you grew apart from most of your friends when you started dating JJ a year ago. You spent so much time with him that you started seeing less and less of them, and you couldn’t blame them for being mad about that now. Of course you also had the pogues when you were dating JJ, but after your connection to them was severed, you haven’t kept up really. They were JJ’s friends first.

“I don’t really have any anymore,” you mutter, “not since…” you trail off. She knows what you mean.

“Well, that’s not true,” your mom cuts in.

“Yes it is mom,” you insist.

“I saw Sarah at the grocery store today and she asked me about you. She seemed very concerned.”

You don’t say anything, but your look must have told her to go on. You’re not sure you want to know what she told her about how you’re doing.

“I said you’ve been better,” she says jokingly. It does make you laugh a little. “Then she begged me to tell you about her birthday party tonight. She sounded like she really wanted you to come.”

Your attention was peaked and you raised your head to meet your mom's eyes. The excitement is fleeting though, and it dies down when you think about seeing JJ there.

"I don't know mom," you whisper, "what if he's there?"

"Who cares if he's there?" she shouts. "Show him that he hasn't broken you baby," she tries to empower you. She's always been very good at this part, being your friend. She had you at a young age and remembers what it was like.

"But," you start. "He has mom."

"I still see my same Y/N," she says. "And life goes by too fast for you to spend all this time in your room avoiding him just because he's stupid."

You contemplate her words. She tries again.

"Are you really going let him take away your summer like this? All these nights you could be spending with friends or making new friends? I simply won't let you spend another night in here wasting your youth. You'll be grown up before you know it," she lectures.

You know she's right. All she talks about it how fast she grew up and how you shouldn't wish your life away. But all you can think about is growing up and getting off the island. Going somewhere for college or maybe not and just moving somewhere to reinvent yourself.

Her words register with you. She was hoping to make you mad and she thinks it worked.

You exhale the breath you were holding in with a huff. No, no you won't let him take your summer from you. If the party was on Figure 8, you were sure he probably wouldn't be there anyway.

You lean in to hug your mom, throwing your arms around her neck and say "Okay, I'll go," while in her embrace.

She pulls away with a smile and says "That's my girl. Now let's pick an outfit!"

Your mom got you out of bed and helped you choose an outfit. She played music and made sure your spirits were high before you walked out of the door. She always talked about how she wasn't a good mom, but she was exactly the one you needed, especially in that moment when you needed a friend.

Of course, the confidence and excitement you were feeling with her died the second you turned your bike out of your driveway and were alone again.

The loneliness set back in and the pit in your stomach grew bigger and bigger until you considered turning back around and telling your mom you'd rather stay in with her all night. Sarah wouldn't miss you that much anyway, you thought.

Luckily, you prepared for this feeling and pulled your bike off as you passed an entrance to the beach on Figure 8. JJ definitely wouldn't be here of all places.

You leave your bike momentarily at the entrance, and make your way down to the beach. You find an empty spot close to the surf and sit down, thankful that the beach tends to empty after sunset.

You reach into your pocket and retrieve the joint you had rolled for yourself earlier that day and a lighter, silently thanking your past self. Like second nature, you stick it between your lips and light the end, inhaling the first hit and holding it in your lungs for a few moments before exhaling the smoke, closing your eyes to let the immediate comfort it brings you set in.

At least some feelings never change, you think, taking solace in the familiar feeling of the high taking over.

You take a few more draws from it while you listen to the crashing waves before putting it out in the sand and saving the other half for later, certain that you'll either need it or it will be an easy way to make friends at the party.

You make it back to your bike and hop on, finishing your ride to the party much more relaxed now.

Sarah’s house is full of people that spill out and litter the front and back yards. You enter through the opened front door, hearing the music blasting from the threshold. You wade through the crowd of familiar faces, offering a soft smile or small greeting to everyone you pass. It seems they’re not as mad at you as you thought which gives you more confidence to be there.

Finally, you make it to the kitchen to secure a drink, quickly combining a rough pour of vodka and orange juice to get you started quickly. When you turn the corner into the next room, you see a group of girls from school and move to speak to them.

You are welcomed into the group after some small talk and stand with them in a comfortable corner of the room. You pay attention to their conversation, relying on them mostly to carry it while you contribute here and there. The safety of the corner allows you to see around the room, watching everyone talking, singing, dancing, drinking, laughing. You missed this.

As you scanned the room, you finally spot Sarah several people over. You smile when you see her, having missed her friendship so much these last six weeks. When your eyes continue on their path, they suddenly fall on the group around her.

Pope, Kie, John B…. and JJ.

Just when you realize that he’s there and the sinking feeling returns to your stomach, Sarah looks away from the people she was talking with and meets your eyes. Her expression does not match the concerned one that begins to take over your features.

She smiles and waves at you. You muster up a small smile and return her wave.

She beckons you, asking for you to come to her.

Your eyes widen and glance to her left, signaling JJ’s presence. You give her a begging shake of your head and beckon her in your direction.

She looks to her left and realizes the meaning of your unspoken language. She slowly returns her head to face you and mouths “Ohhh.”

You laugh at her silly drunkenness while she makes her way over to you.

“Y/N!” she sings with a gleeful tone as she approaches you and pulls you slightly away from your group.

“Hey Sarah,” you say as she wraps her arms around your neck in a hug, “happy birthday.”

“I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you,” she says next to you, continuing her hug.

“Kie and I both have,” she adds while pulling away to see you.

“I’ve missed you both too,” you return and an awkward silence falls over you two for a moment as you both decide not to bring up the reason you’ve been separated.

“Well I’m really glad you’re here now,” she says, linking your arms together, “we'll have to catch up while you’re here and you can’t go back in to hiding after this.”

“I’m working on it,” you say bashfully, finding comfort from talking about this with a friend. You considered Sarah one of your closest friends after joining their group. She has a way about her that makes you feel instantly comfortable and like you’ve known her forever. That must be why there were so many people here for her birthday, everyone loves her because she makes everyone feel loved.

Which is exactly why someone else approached her as you talked, pulling her away from your conversation.

She looked back to you and said “we’ll talk more later,” while being pulled away by the next guest wanting her attention. You nodded to assure her that you were alright being left alone. You returned to the group you were talking with and retreated back into your corner, able to keep an eye on all the guests to make sure one in particular didn’t surprise you.

You stayed there for what felt like an hour but could have been just minutes listening to the party around you. Everyone talking over the music and laughing at each other’s jokes, having a good time. Why did it seem like everyone could have a good time except you? It seemed like everything you used to be able to talk about had been wiped from your memory and you didn’t know how to contribute anymore. All you could do was stand there paralyzed, watching your peers enjoy life, moving on and growing without you.

Including JJ.

You couldn’t help but watch him when he was so close, laughing with his friends, joking with the people around him, passing through the crowd with effortless motion, completely weightless and smiling like there was nothing burdening him.

It made you lose your breath.

He’s totally fine, you think, trying to decide why you thought he would be anything else since he was the one to end it. You struggled to keep a full breath of air in your lungs as your chest began to rise and fall very quickly when the memory of him telling you that he didn’t want you anymore resurfaced.

Of course he doesn’t, your brain attacks you. Why would he want you when he could have any girl here?

You could see there weren’t any girls flirting with him, but your mind betrayed you by planting those toxic intrusive thoughts and then it was all you could think. Seeing him acting as if he couldn’t be happier convinced you that he never cared at all, that he was enjoying this newfound freedom even.

You excuse yourself from the group you were standing with and begin walking away, desperately needing to remove yourself from where you could see him so clearly. With no idea where you were headed and legs barely able to put one in front of the other, you had to stop to try and catch your shallow breath. You placed your drink on a table and brought your hand to your chest to try and steady your breathing.

When you pull your head up from where it was hanging between your shoulders, you instinctively look in his direction to see if he’s noticed you. You regret that.

JJ pulls his eyes away from Pope and meet yours across the room. The smile on his face falls from his lips, and light begins to leave his eyes. Of course he’s disappointed to see you, you think.

You hold his gaze long enough to see his eyes soften towards you and your chest starts to rise and fall rapidly again, heart beat quickening and breath hitching in your throat. Your panic is visible to him as you bring your hand to your chest once again to stop the sting you’re feeling in your heart.

Your flight response finally takes over, and without control you turn away from him to flee as fast as you can in your panicked state.

As you navigate slowly through the crowd, excusing yourself to every one you pass, you hear several muffled words faintly behind you and realize he is trying to get to you.

“Sorry, coming through,” you hear his voice behind you for the first time in weeks. Knowing that he’s following you, you pick up your pace, desperate for a way to escape him. Lost in the big house and crowd of people, you settle on a hall closet, jogging to the door as you feel his presence closing in on you. You open the door and rush in, turning around once inside to brace yourself against the door.

JJ gets to the door within seconds.

"Y/N, open the door," he begs you on the other side of the wooden barrier. You silently refuse, tears welling in your eyes at the sound of his voice.

JJ continued banging on it harshly and begging you to open the door. He tried opening it himself, but you hold the knob, using all of your strength to keep it closed against him. But you don’t have much strength to give. And he's stronger than your strongest.

You give up, retreating to the back of the small room, placing your back against the wall and sliding down to the floor with your knees in front of you to guard yourself from him, leaning your head against the wall behind you to try and regain your breath.

He invades.

The two of you have been in this closet before, under vastly different circumstances. The memory on both of your minds is obvious, creating a thick air of tension, but neither of you will mention it.

He catches one look of you crying against the wall and turns to face the door, leaving his back to you. He props his forehead against the door to ground him.

"What are you doing?" you question his odd movements, breaking the silence that hovered between you since he entered.

"Trying to give you some privacy," he responds.

"Why did you follow me in here then?" you plead between breaths.

Silence falls over you both again when he realizes his contradicting actions. He begins to gently tap his forehead repeatedly on the door.

“You’ve got to get over me, Y/N,” he exhales in a whisper.

You let out a sarcastic laugh at this.

“Yeah sure, I’ll get right on that. You got any tips? Seems to be working quite well for you,” you scoff.

"I just want to help," he says, ignoring your insinuation and thus confirming it further to you.

"You can't help when you're the cause, JJ."

That breaks him.

He turns to face you, taking the few steps that keep you distanced from him and crouches in front of you, eye level with you now.

"I don't mean to be, Y/N," he asserts, holding eye contact.

"What do you mean to do then, JJ? You can't just end things with me, act like you don't care and then follow me into a closet trying to comfort me again. It's confusing, J."

"You think I don't care?"

"What am I supposed to think when I see you out there just living your life unfazed by this, completely unbothered by not being with me? It's like you don't even remember how good we had it, and now we don't.”

A pang of harsh silence falls between you in the dim room.

"It does bother me,” he tries.

“Please go JJ, this hurts too much,” you ignore him.

“I can’t leave you like this,” JJ whispers.

“JJ, it’s too hard for me to have you so close in front of me like this when I can’t reach out and have you,” you sniffle out.

Those words hurt him. He silently stares at you. He’s thinking about it right now. He’s thinking about going back to how it was, just kissing you now and apologizing. He knows you’d take him back.

“Please,” you beg.

He stands and backs away now, having seen the pain he’s caused you. He could never make you happy again, now that he’s done this.

He knows one day you’ll be happy again, it will just take time and he’ll have to fight every urge to comfort you.

JJ walks to the door and pauses to utter “I’m sorry,” before gently opening the door and leaving you in the closet.

I don't wanna be alone. You know it hurts me too. You look so broken when you cry. One more and then I say goodbye.

It's been 6 days since you saw JJ at Sarah's party and one thing he said has been hanging in your mind since then.

"It does bother me."

You ignored him when he first said it, hopelessly refusing to believe him and just wanting him to leave you so that you could think again.

But since then, the words have lingered in your mind, dwelling on the words falling out of his mouth and how you dismissed it. Who knows where your conversation could have? And that "what if" has been tormenting you for days.

And that is exactly what brought you to tears that night, sitting alone again in your bed, crying over the loss of this same boy. You are starting to feel pathetic now, but how can you just move on when you had made so many plans with him? When you hadn't been prepared or even slightly seen it coming? You were completely blindsided.

That pathetic feeling you had for yourself quickly turned to apathy. You didn't care that you were still hung up on him because who was even around you to notice? And that apathy became rapidly dangerous as your sobs subsided for a brief moment and the tears cleared from your eye for long enough for you to see yourself pulling up JJ's contact in your phone.

I'm calling him, you thought. Your desperation and lack of pride becoming weaponized against you. You didn't care if he knew you missed him and needed him, he's the one person in the world you have shared your most vulnerable thoughts with. He's seen the deepest and most secret parts of you. You don't care if he sees that you're broken without him. He already saw you the other night.

You stare at his contact for several moments as you contemplated calling him. Your thumb hovers over the call button until you think fuck it, before you can talk yourself out of it.

Shamelessly, you press the button and swallow the growing nausea in your stomach as the phone rings.

JJ has been mentally kicking himself since he walked out of the closet leaving you the other night. He can't believe he let himself do that, abandoning you in that state.

Of course, he thinks he's doing what's right for you and so he lets himself suffer as he continues his internal battle of strengthening his resolve to let you go and giving in to his truly overwhelming feelings for you.

So when his phone rings and he sees your name on his screen for the first time in weeks, he hesitates to answer, unsure if this would end well.

After five rings, you're certain he won't answer.

Until in the middle of the sixth and final phone chime, he scrambles to slide the button and presses the phone to his ear before he misses his chance.

"Hello?" he answers. It sends an ache to your swelling heart and causes butterflies to erupt in your stomach at the same time.

Idiot, he thinks to himself, why did answer like you didn't know who it was. He squints his face and pulls at his hair in frustration, convincing himself there would have been something better to say as if that was the most normal way to answer the phone.

"Hey," you let out after holding your breath. You sniffle after saying it and thought it was quiet enough.

"Y/N, are you okay?" he jumps to conclusions hearing your stifling your cry, panic evident in his tone.

“Um,” you consider, “that’s a loaded question.” Physically you were fine, but you don’t think you could say you’ve been “okay” in weeks.

“Well, what’s going on? Has something happened?” he asks, trying to find out why you’ve called him.

“No, I just…” you trail off, unsure of what you planned on saying, “I just…. would you come over?” you blurt out.

JJ is silent for a few seconds, trying to suppress the immediate urge he feels to rush to you.

“I don’t know, Y/N… do you think that’s a good idea?”

The rejection of his response stings and the tears come rushing back to you. They spill over your eyelids and you can’t conceal the sound of your cries to the boy on the other side of the phone.

“Please J,” he hears you cry. “I just really don’t want to be alone,” you beg as you realize the true reason behind calling him. You couldn’t stand the solitude of heartbreak any longer. You needed a break from it even just for one night.

His heart breaks at the sound of your sobs. You voice is shaking in his ear and he can’t fight his instincts to be there for you any longer. He brings a hand behind his head and looks to his feet while holding the phone to his ear. He closes his eyes for a moment and accepts that this will fuck everything up, but he has to go to you.

“Okay,” he breaks, “I’m coming Y/N, I’ll be there.” And he hangs up the phone.

You try you best to subdue your crying before he gets there so that you don’t look like a total mess when he arrives, but your cries have been lasting longer than usual these last few weeks now that you have something to truly be sad about.

Ten minutes later, JJ arrives at your house and notices your mom's car is not in the driveway. Somewhat relieved that he won't have to face the disappointment of the woman that's treated him like her own son, he makes his way to the door.

He doesn't knock, he opens it and walks in like it's second nature to him. It is, really.

"Y/N?" he calls out.

He scans the living room for you and when he sees you're not there, he picks up his pace to the back of your house where your room is, knowing that's where you'd be. His nerves build in his stomach as he prepares to see you.

"Y/N?" he says as he opens your door without knocking.

You're sitting in your bed with you back against your headboard while you take in the sight of him there in your room again. He's in shorts and long sleeve t-shirt. The two of you stay like that for a few moments before saying anything.

JJ removes his hat and bends the bill of it between his hands, his nervous tick.

You're so tired of crying. You long for the day that you'll have no tears left to cry for him, but seeing him standing there with that concerned look on his face caused them to well again and stream out over your cheeks. You are the first to break eye contact in a vain effort to hide your whimpering from him, but he sees you.

At the sight, JJ drops his hat to the floor and moves to you. He doesn’t see the light that used to reflect in your eyes, or the big fun loving personality that he fell for. He climbs into his spot on your bed and takes you in his arms.

You melt into his embrace, this being the first time you’ve felt his warm touch in almost seven weeks.

JJ has to hold back a gasp at how frail you feel in his arms, having noticeably shrunken into yourself. He almost doesn’t recognize you from the sadness in your face, eyes and cheeks swollen and the tan fading from your skin from the lack of time spent in the sun. You’re a shadow of the person you once were.

He holds you while you cry into his chest, one arm wrapped around his neck to hold yourself in place and the other gripping the material of his shirt on his side. You want to hold on him so tight that he couldn’t leave even if he tried.

You had missed his embrace more than you realized and you savored it while he was there. His presence has such an effect of you that your breath begins to slow back down and you can hear his heartbeat through his shirt where your head is against him when your sniffling stops. You breathe in his familiar scent and smile slightly when you realize it will linger on your pillow and blanket that it’s escaped from during the weeks of his absence. His company has restored your calm and you finally wipe the last tears from your eyes.

"There we go," JJ coos into the top of your head when he realizes that you've stopped crying.

You lift your head to look at him, meeting his gaze and offer him a coy smile, showing slight embarrassment.

"I'm really glad that you're here," you admit.

JJ can't help himself. He takes your face in both of his hands to look closer at your swollen cheeks and puffy red eyes with a worried frown, assessing the damage he's done to you.

You can't help yourself either when he's holding your face like this. You've been missing him so much, down to the deepest part of you. If you'd known your last kiss would have been your last kiss, you would have leaned in just a little bit closer, held it just a little longer, cherished it just a little bit more.

And so, you think fuck it and boldly kiss him. You lean in the few inches that separate you from him and press your lips to his while he continues to hold either side of your face. Your hands are desperately grabbing at his chest and neck, searching for a way to keep close to him as he kisses you back. His soft familiar lips move in perfect rhythm with yours and you accept his tongue as it grazes against your lips and into your mouth to meet yours.

After a few seconds of savoring the feeling of his kiss that you'd missed so badly, you can't help but think he’s not kissing me like someone who doesn’t want me.

And just as if he could hear your thought, JJ pulls away, breaking your kiss.

"Y/N, we can’t do this." JJ keeps one hand in its place cupping your cheek and holding the back of your neck, but he drops the other to rest over the one you have rested on his chest.

"Why not?" you ask, pleading with your foreheads together.

"It's not right," he answers in a whisper.

"Since when have you cared about what's right?" you argue, lifting your head from where he was holding you in place so that you could look him in the eyes.

"I've always cared about what's right when it comes to you!" JJ shouts back, hurt by your insinuation.

You choose to ignore that statement. If he cared about what was right when it came to you, he would have never broken up with you.

You sit in silence for a few seconds, turning your head to break his stare, only the sound of your heavy breaths filling the room. You can't understand why he always insists on fighting you.

You turn back to face him, reaching out to place one hand on each of his shoulders, willing him to look at you. His body is aligned with yours, but he drops his head to the side to avoid your gaze.

"JJ, please," you state plainly, "I just want to feel something good." You have no trouble stating your needs. "I have been feeling so bad for so long and I just..."

He lifts his head and brings his eyes to meet yours, tears welling in them. They're looking softer and bluer than you've ever seen them. He stays silent, not protesting, and you take this as a sign to continue.

"And I just think..." you pick back up, "that if I knew it was our last time," you pause, "that I could move on easier afterward than I can with where we are now."

He says nothing, just looks at you. You can see the thoughts swirling in his head, see him deciding what he's going to do. It's so embarrassing for you to be putting yourself out there like this and him torturing you with no response. But you decide not to be embarrassed. It's JJ.

"If it's true that you don't want me anymore, then fine. You can leave right now and at least I'll know that you really mean that," you stop, waiting for a reaction. "But if even a little part of you wants me, even just a tiny bit..." you say, "let's just have this one more night together and at least we'll know it's the last one and we'll have closure." You squeeze your hands on his shoulders with searching eyes and a small faked smile, indicating you're done and it's time for him to decide.

JJ doesn't say anything.

He darts his hands to either side of your waist, lifting you and moving you to lay back on your bed. He lets out a deep exhale and brings his face to yours, kissing you fiercely. You relish in the feeling it gives you, moving your hands from his shoulders to be wrapped around his neck, fingers teasing through his golden hair, holding him closer and closer to you.

"Oh, baby," he moans against your lips, his hands tightening their grip on your waist and hip where he's holding you to the bed, "I want you so bad." That's him, your old JJ, returned to you, even if it's just for tonight.

"I want you JJ," you moan back. He breaks away to trail kisses down your cheek, along your jaw, to your neck and then to his favorite spot behind your ear. You run your fingers under the back of his shirt, pulling it up to reveal his back and he raises from you momentarily to remove his shirt. He returns to his place at your neck while working his hand under the hem of your shirt to grasp at your bare chest for a few moments before moving his hand down along your skin to slip under the waistband of your shorts. You lift your hips to grind against his fingers. As he teases you, you stifle gasps and moans long enough to bring your lips to his ear and say "I want everything one more time, J," before you fully release yourself into the hold he has on you.

You feel his hand extract from you momentarily before a strong grasp tugs on your waistband to remove the layers that concealed you from him. JJ brings his left arm up to hold your hands above your head and with the other, he held your jaw gently between his thumb and pointer finger to look you in your eyes. He grazed his thumb over your swollen lips.

"I would do anything for you," he breaths out before kissing you hard on the mouth and continuing his work on your body.

I just wonder what you're dreaming of when you sleep and smile so comfortable. I just wish that I could give you that, that look that's perfectly un-sad.

JJ lay awake, his breathing only just recently returning to his normal pace. He had one arm tucked under his head and the other around you, clutching your sleeping form to his bare chest. You had one arm draped lazily over his middle, your sleepy fingers tickling his skin. How could he sleep after what just happened?

He didn't think he'd ever be able to sleep again. How could he live with himself?

He had one job. Break up with you and let you go. But that look on your face as you pleaded for him. How could he resist that? And he believed you. That you just needed him one more time before moving on.

JJ silently cursed himself, careful not to wake you. He had to savor the moment before you woke up.

JJ looked down at you sleeping silently next to him. He memorized the way your chest felt rising away from and falling into his side as you breathed. He shifted so that your head fell from his chest to the pillow beneath and he rolled on his side to face you. He felt your heavy exhaled breath flutter across his face.

Your hair had fallen into your face during the shift, so he lifted a hand to brush it out of your face.

JJ thought you looked so happy when you were asleep and wondered what you must be dreaming of. The smallest sweet smile apparent in your lips crushed him as he thought how he'd never be able to show you true peace like this.

He wished that he could be the reason for your smile instead of what you must have been dreaming about. Suddenly, JJ felt wrong to be there, intruding on you, invading your privacy. He felt he had to leave now before you could wake up and regret what you'd both done.

He shifted to lay on his back and exhaled a deep breath with a sigh before he made his move to leave. He sat up on the edge of the bed and looked around for the rest of his clothes before silently standing.

He thought he would be able to get out unnoticed and slip away before having to have a difficult conversation. But the stirring and sudden absence next to you woke you.

Sometimes, all I think about is you. Late nights in the middle of June.

You stirred awake and reached for JJ but gasped when you saw JJ was gone from his place in your bed.

JJ froze in his place standing in your room, his shirt in hand. He watched you realize that he wasn't there. You shifted in your bed to sit up when you noticed JJ standing in front of you. He'd been getting dressed.

"JJ no! Don't you dare walk out of here," you raise your voice at him from your bed, tears threatening to flood your eyes.

"You said - " he shouts, an arm extended out in front of him in frustration.

"I don't care what I said!" you interrupt him. And you're not lying, you didn't care. "I care about what you said."

"What do you mean what I said?" JJ shouts.

"You SAID that you would do anything for me," you begin, "please explain to me how you could say something like that but not want to be with me?"

"Y/N, I really don't want to talk about it."

"No! We are going to talk about it JJ," you shout. "There is clearly something wrong! There's something you're not telling me."

"I'M wrong!" JJ seethes, throwing his shirt across your room in frustration.

"I - "

"No now you shut up!" JJ insisted, "if you're going to force me to talk, then you listen."

You blinked at him in disbelief. He's never talked to you that way.

"I am wrong for you, Y/N," he tries to say calmly, "I was laying there awake watching you smile in your sleep, thinking about how I can't give you that happiness."

Angry now, you scream "Are you delusional?!"

JJ starts to object but you cut him off.

"How can you be so blind and not see that I was happy tonight because you were here? And how are you SO SURE that I would just get over you like it’s that simple to me?"

JJ is silent.

"You mean to tell me that you've put me through this for months based on your delusional opinion that you're not good enough for me?" you can't help the tears that fall from your eyes now.

"Y/N, it's what's best for you."

"When will you trust me enough to let ME decide what's best for myself?" you shout.

JJ attempts to respond, but you continue shouting. JJ does too, both of you yelling from your spots in the room, arms flailing in an attempt to prove your points but with you both arguing at once, neither of you are listening.

You both settle down now that you've gotten your frustrations out through shouts. You're a little grateful JJ was yelling over you because you're really not sure of what you said.

"Can I go now?" you say chuckling quietly, asking for permission to continue. JJ nods and makes his way to sit on the bed with you.

"You do need to understand that I can judge what's best for myself," you start, "but also..." you reach your hand out to JJ's face, turning his head with your palm so that he will look at you when you say this.

"I need you to understand," you pause, trying to find the right words. "That your situation.... is not your fault. And you are worthy of my love regardless, and anyone's love for that matter." You're firm with your words. Even if he won't love you back the way you want, at least he'll walk away from this conversation having heard that.

JJ let your words wash over him. He closed his eyes and exhaled the breath that he was holding in. You saw his brow begin to furrow and you hoped that his silence meant he was listening to what you said.

He began to lean towards you and you instinctively wrapped your arms around his shoulders, bringing him in to rest against your chest.

You sat in silence for a few moments while you thought of what to do. You had one arm around JJ's back, and the other running through his hair, something you knew always calmed him down.

"I don't want to sit here and convince you to be with me," you trailed off, although you weren't too proud to beg.

"You don't have to do that at all, Y/N," JJ cut in.

"But..... let me just ask you this."

JJ lifted his chin, signaling for you to continue.

"Stop thinking about what you think is best for me for one minute."

He nodded.

"And tell me what you want. What do you want?"

JJ sat up from where you were holding him and looked at you for a few seconds. He smiled at you so sweetly that you thought you might burst.

And he said "To be with you. More than anything I've ever wanted."

You closed your eyes and let out the breath you were holding in, bringing your hands to your stomach to combat the swirling feeling you were having inside. It felt so good to hear him say that. A smile spread across your lips as a few tears streamed down your cheeks.

JJ leaned in to you after wiping a few tears of his own. He brought his hands to either side of your face, swiping at the tears that littered your cheeks with his thumb.

You opened your eyes to meet his gaze.

"Then be with me," you requested with a sweet laugh and slight shake of your head, "please." It really was that simple to you.

Then JJ crashed in to you, enveloping you in a tight hug with both of his arms wrapped around your neck. "Okay," he whispered into your neck where he was nuzzled.

He pulled back to look at you.

"If you insist," he grinned. It earned him a laugh from you. How he had missed that.

JJ interrupted your laugh by kissing you again. It was a long and desperate kiss. And after, he followed it with several short pecks, "mwah, mwah, mwah," he said in between. As if making up for lost time.

"'I'm sorry for all of the things I said," JJ admitted.

"I am too," you added. "Just talk to me about it next time?" you requested with a laugh.

"I will," he promised.

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