#don’t usually do this but I’m excited about my transition for the first time in two years lmao
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Last minute trans tummy Tuesday
#don’t usually do this but I’m excited about my transition for the first time in two years lmao#trans tummy tuesday#tgirl tummy tuesday#irl autumn#trans#transfem#enby
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stwg daily prompt 4/10/24: guitar
1.8k, steddie, modern au, guitar teacher eddie/guitar student steve (+ dustin as steve's brother)
so this is literally just me giving eddie my exact job and letting the plot bunnies do as they may. will be up on ao3 in a day or two once i've had time to look it over and think of a title but here it is! divider graphic by @saradika-graphics
“Let’s try that verse again, okay? 5, 6, 7, 8…”
The little girl in front of Eddie plays with the utmost concentration, her little brow scrunched up as she tries to switch to a D chord.
“It’s our little triangle, remember? On the — good, exactly,” Eddie nods and keeps strumming. “And to C, slide down to the first fret… 1, 2, 3, to E minor, yep, 1, 2, 3, 4.” The last notes fade into the slightly stale air of the practice room. “Good job! You did a lot better with your chord transitions this time. We’re about out of time for today, but try and practice that verse and chorus at home, okay? And then we’ll see about that bridge next week,” he tells her.
She nods with a big gummy smile. “Okay!” Eddie helps her put her guitar back in its case and walks her back out to the little waiting area they have behind the lessons desk. It’s honestly a little cramped, but before they hired him, he hadn’t even known that Guitar Center offered lessons at all, so it makes sense. He sends the girl off with her parents and a promise to practice every day before he slides behind the desk to check his schedule for his next student.
Usually he has a half hour gap on Wednesdays that he uses to practice for his band or chat with his coworkers, but today there’s a new name on the schedule: Steve Harrington.
“Huh,” he mutters. His manager hadn’t mentioned any new sign-ups to him. Maybe it was from online? With a shrug, he settles in to wait for the guy to show up. It’s 5:57, so he’s still got a few minutes.
After a minute or two of dicking around on his phone, someone calls out, “Hey, Eddie!”
He looks up to find his 6:30 student standing in front of him, an excitable kid named Dustin Henderson. He’s fun to chat with, and Eddie looks forward to his lessons — especially since it’s an opportunity to get yet another young mind hooked on metal. Sure, he’ll play and teach whatever is required, but he’ll never forget his one true love.
“Henderson,” Eddie responds, standing up and leaning against the pillar bracketing the desk. “You know your lesson is in half an hour, right?”
“I know!” He replies, chipper as ever. “I’m after him!” He jerks a thumb back behind him, and Eddie finally notices the most beautiful man he’s ever seen standing behind Dustin.
Dear god. If this is his new student, he’s absolutely fucked.
“Hi,” the man says, extending a hand when it becomes clear Eddie is incapable of forming words. “I’m Steve.”
Eddie forces himself to act normal and grabs his hand, shooting him a smile that he hopes comes off as confident. “Eddie,” he replies. “Munson. I play guitar.”
“I’d sure hope so,” Steve jokes, eyes dancing, and Eddie is fuuuuucked. Completely and absolutely. How is he going to be able to be alone with him in a tiny practice room for a whole half hour?
“Well, you’re in luck,” Eddie says, kind of operating on autopilot while his brain reboots. “It’s. Guitar Center.” He mentally facepalms and claps his hands together, spinning and walking them back towards the practice rooms. “So, Steve, what brings you here on this fine day? Are you Dustin’s… dad?”
Usually, his mom is the one to drive him and wait in the lobby, but it’s not out of the question that Steve could be his stepdad or something, with their different surnames. He seems around Eddie’s age, but maybe he’s just into milfs or something?
He can’t be single. The universe is never that kind to Eddie.
Dustin bursts out laughing. “My dad? Dude, he’d had to have had me at like, twelve!”
Eddie flushes. “Well, I don’t know!”
“He’s my brother.” Steve swoops in and saves him from embarrassment. “The Hendersons took me in when I was sixteen, that’s why we have different last names.”
Eddie nods. “Oh, cool. So I assume Dustin got you to take lessons too?”
Steve laughs a little, just when Eddie thought he could finally cope with his unearthly beauty, the dick. “Yeah, he’s dead set on us starting a family band or something. I told him I could just dust off my piano skills, but he insisted. Little twerp.” He goes to ruffle his brother’s hair, and Dustin expertly ducks — clearly a common occurrence in their household.
“Cool,” Eddie says again. “Well, you ready to get started?”
Steve nods, and Dustin goes to look around the store and mess with the DJ equipment.
“So, you said you played piano? How long ago was that?” Eddie asks as he ushers him into the practice room.
“Oh, years and years. My parents made me take lessons when I was a kid, stopped in middle school, so it’d have to be… ten years or something now? Eleven? Jesus, I’m getting old,” Steve answers.
Eddie laughs. “Oh, trust me, I get it. Every time I say I’ve been playing guitar for over a decade a little part of me dies.” They share a laugh as they both get situated on their matching stools and guitars on their laps. “So that’s a little bit about me, that I’ve been playing for over a decade. I didn’t go to school for music or anything, but I’m in a metal band in my free time, and I like to think I have a pretty good understanding of music theory and techniques after all this time, so don’t worry, you’re in good hands.” It’s easier than he’d expected to slip into his practiced first lesson spiel, but he’s still hyper-focused on Steve’s reactions, taking in every hint of a smile. “I’m actually self-taught, so I learned basically by just watching YouTube tutorials and spending a lot of time on Ultimate Guitar,” Eddie explains with a wry smile.
“That’s really cool,” Steve says, impressed. “I could never do that.”
“Well, that’s what I’m here for, right?” It’s a familiar back and forth to Eddie. Maybe he can do this. “I like to run my lessons the same way — instead of learning some random two-measure exercises from a book, we learn songs that you want to learn, and through that we can learn some new chords and strumming patterns and techniques. How does that sound?”
“Perfect,” Steve says. “That was always the worst part of piano lessons. The music was so boring.” His nose wrinkles in distaste.
“Awesome,” Eddie says, and pulls out his phone, already open to his notes app. “So, what kind of music do you want to learn?”
“Uh.” Steve pauses. “I, uh, I listen to a lot of, um, pop? And, like, indie? Kind of just top forty radio type stuff.”
Eddie nods as he writes that down. “Cool, cool. Any artists or songs in particular? Or just pop as a whole?”
“I dunno,” Steve admits. “I like most of the popular stuff. Oh, there’s this one artist my friend has been getting me into — Chappell Roan?”
“Nice,” Eddie responds, somehow managing to keep from jumping with joy that he might actually have a chance with this guy if he listens to gay people music.
“You don’t… mind?” Steve asks hesitantly. Eddie looks up at him, confused. “I just mean, you don’t exactly look like you would love all that girly pop music.” He waves a hand at Eddie’s Metallica shirt, ripped jeans, and patch-covered vest.
Eddie shrugs. “Well, maybe, but it’s my job. You wouldn’t believe the amount of Swifties I’ve got, I couldn’t avoid it if I wanted to. And I mean, it is pretty catchy,” he concedes, if only to see Steve smile again. “And,” he continues, “even better, really easy to play.”
“Oh, good,” Steve laughs.
Eddie pockets his phone and reaches for his folder, taking out a sheet of empty chord diagrams. “So usually for a first lesson, we just learn a few basic chords, and then get started with our first full song next week, sound good?”
Steve nods. “Yep.”
“Great.” Eddie sets the sheet on the stand in front of them and pencils in two little dots on the first diagram. “Here’s our first chord. This is called an E minor. You wanna put your first finger on the second string…”
He goes on to teach Steve an E minor chord, then a C chord, then a G chord, and by the time they’re done learning D, Eddie thinks that Steve’s fingers are going to haunt his dreams. He’s not mad about it. Just sad that he won’t be able to see them in person again for a whole week.
They make their way through the lesson, stumbling from one chord to another, but by the end of the thirty minutes, Steve is already doing pretty well with his chord transitions. Eddie’s honestly impressed. He drops him off in the lobby and exchanges him for Dustin, who is bouncing up and down with excitement.
“How was he,” he bursts out as soon as the door is closed.
Eddie snorts. “He was good. Just learned a few chords.”
Dustin waits expectantly. “And?”
“And what?”
“And how was he! Like, was he excited? Did you have a good time? Are you guys gonna be friends now?”
Eddie rolls his eyes fondly and takes a seat. Technically, he’s not supposed to be actual friends with students, or even talk with them outside of work, but with Dustin and now Steve, they don’t feel like paying customers so much as friends he’s doing a favor for. “He was good. I’m sure he’ll tell you in the car on the way home.”
Dustin groans. “Come on.”
“You come on. You better have been practicing, show me what you’ve been doing.”
With that, Dustin drags himself to his seat, and the lesson goes great from there, both of them distracted from Steve by the intricacies of Stairway to Heaven.
When he brings Dustin out, he’s almost taken off guard by Steve waiting for them. In just half an hour, he’d already forgotten his stunning resemblance to a Greek god. It’s honestly unfair for his memory to do that to him.
“Hey,” Steve greets them. “Had a good lesson?”
“Obviously,” Dustin scoffs.
“He did great today,” Eddie tells him, “And so did you. Just remember to practice, alright? Gotta build that muscle memory.”
Dustin rolls his eyes, too used to hearing it, but Steve nods enthusiastically. “Yeah, of course. See you next week?”
It’s a simple phrase. He says it every day. It’s a contractual obligation that yes, he will see them next week. But when Steve says it, it feels like a promise. Eddie can’t wait to fulfill it.
“Yeah,” he breathes, mesmerized by the way the fluorescent lights bring out the green in Steve’s eyes. “See you next week.”
Steve smiles and turns to leave, picking his way through the aisles of musical miscellany. Eddie can already hear Dustin interrogating him about his lesson. He leans back against the wall with only one thought in his mind: only seven days until he gets to see Steve Harrington again.
He’ll be counting every single one.
#stwgdailyprompt#*writes#steddie#stranger things fic#will rb with ao3 link once it's up#i have so many little headcanons that i didn't find the space to include#read the ao3 authors notes once its posted to get the full over specific details of what i think eddie would do teaching at guitar center#he's just like me fr 🥰🥰🥰
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The Other Mountain - ao3 - Chapter 32
Pairing: Lan Qiren/Wen Ruohan
Warning Tags on Ao3
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Dear Shixiong,
Welcome back! I hope you had a very enriching and meaningful year in seclusion.
I wanted to –
(Note to self: when you write the second BETTER version of this, add some formal greetings & well-wishes here first before you get to the actual stuff. DO NOT forget this time! EVEN IF it’s boring! Remember that Shixiong likes it when you’re being properly formal!)
I know it’s a little inappropriate to leave a letter under your doorstep for you to read as soon as you rejoin the world. I know you’re supposed to be spending your final moments of seclusion and your first moments of coming back to the rest of the community in thoughtful contemplation, considering the concepts of transition and the transient nature of time, not immediately getting shoved head-first into the petty matters of the world. I would never want to interrupt you while you do that, since I know how important it is to you, and to your cultivation, and I would definitely never ever EVER do it lightly.
I even admit that sending you a letter like this could maybe be seen as a violation of Do not use frivolous words.
Despite all of that, I hope you can forgive your favorite Shidi for the impertinence. In case all of that wasn’t clear enough, this is Lan Zhijin writing to you. You remember, Lan Yueheng’s eldest son? Lan Yanyu’s little brother? The one who used to always follow you around everywhere -
I assure you, I actually have a very good reason for deviating from tradition in this case. After all, tradition is only tradition, and the rules supersede it, particularly Appreciate good people, see friends as neighbors, and be considerate of others. Also, if you disagree with my evaluation and decide that you’re going to report me to the Discipline Hall anyway, can you at least tell them not to hit too many times, okay? Scratch that, tell them kneeling is sufficient, no hits at all! I’m acting in good faith here, Shixiong, really!
Listen, when you read the rest of this, you’ll see what I mean, and you’re going to thank me for doing this for you, I promise -
You see, Shixiong, ever since you entered strict seclusion a year ago, there have been a number of changes in the Cloud Recesses which are rather more significant than the usual. To put it mildly
I know you must be thinking to yourself, ‘How much can things really have changed? It’s the Cloud Recesses, the Gusu Lan sect, it’s been the same for generation upon generation’ and before you complain, this isn’t a breach of Don’t make assumptions about others, I just know you and of course you’d be right. The fundamental core of our Gusu Lan sect is still there, still going strong, and there are even a few new rules on the Wall of Discipline, as you might have expected. But despite that, there have also been some fairly significant events which have resulted in certain changes that are sufficiently noticeable, and maybe even shocking, that I think that you would want to be prepared in advance before you went out and encountered them.
It’s not gossip if it’s news, you know!
I’m doing this for your sake, Shixiong, really! Not because I want to be the first to tell you –
Really, it would be much funnier if I could see your face when you read this ACTUALLY. But Be easy on others, be hard on yourself is a rule so I won’t prioritize my own amusement over your well-being. See, Shixiong, that’s how much I like you –
First, when you come back, you may very quickly notice a considerable decrease in the average age of the people you see. By this, I mean that you will probably notice pretty quickly that there aren’t any elders walking about the place stroking their beards and talking about the weather and sometimes lecturing innocent juniors who really didn’t mean to break the rule about running, they were just a little bit excited –
It’s not a violation of Talking behind the backs of others is prohibited if it’s true, Shixiong.
Well, when you notice it, rest assured that you aren’t missing anything, and you aren’t just seeing things. There really aren’t any elders around! They’re all temporarily absent, having each and every one of them either retreated into seclusion to go contemplate and cultivate themselves, or else out into the world to increase their virtue through night-hunts and other beneficent acts. Which you really wouldn’t have expected a bunch of old grandpas that usually like to sit around to play weiqi and gossip all day to be able to do but there you go. Don’t make assumptions, right?? Why would they do this, you may ask? Particularly in such numbers? Especially the ones who tended to be a bit more full of themselves? That’s a very good question. You may even now be thinking of all sorts of reasons and engaging in lots of speculation wondering what happened.
Well, you can count on your shidi for the answer, Shixiong, since there is absolutely NO way you are going to be able to guess. EVER. So I’m going to tell you out of the kindness of my heart what happened.
And what happened is this: the elders are all gone because Teacher came back and gave them such an incredibly harsh talking-to for breaking the rules that they all felt so bad about themselves that they decided they needed to do some self-reflection.
Yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds. I KNOW! But on the other hand you’ve got to give it to Teacher, he’s REALLY good at scolding people – you know the type the ones that make you feel both really guilty, like he expected you to do better because he knows you’re better than that, but also really proud, because he has full confidence that you will do better going forward because you’re good like that – anyway, the point is, they all temporarily resigned from their usual duties of supporting the sect through advice and counsel and went to go do other things. All of them. Every single one of them!
Except for one that we’re all pretty sure Teacher just flat-out killed.
Yes, killed. As in dead. As in totally dead. That’s crazy, right? Teacher! Teacher! LAN QIREN! Old righteous and rigid! Who would have thought he had it in him, right???
Trust me, I know it sounds crazy and I know how crazy it sounds, too. If I hadn’t seen it myself – okay, no, Do not tell lies– if I hadn’t seen Teacher come back to the Cloud Recesses with his Someone Did Something Wrong And It’s Actually Serious This Time face, go meet with all the sect elders, and then leave half a day later, and then not very long after there was the announcement about the funeral and Lan Zhengquan wasn’t even that old, okay, and then all the sect elders were talking about their resignation – oh drat, I haven’t explained why Teacher would be coming back yet –
On second thought, let me start from the beginning chronologically, as that may make things a little more less confusing. [Note to self: do NOT send this version of the letter to Shixiong. Remember what Teacher said – use one piece of paper to write down all of your ideas, figure out which ones you want to use and where, and only then use the second to write your final version with elegance and restraint.]
Okay, so –
I need to stop starting sentences like that, it’s actually not a very good transition. Do better!
Do you remember all those times when we were younger when we’d talk with all the other disciples about the Sect Leader? Not Teacher, since he was only ever technically acting sect leader, but the real one, Qingheng-jun, you know, the one who went into seclusion something like ten or eleven years ago and never seemed to come back out? Anyway, remember how we all said that he sounded really cool what with the way everyone always talked about his amazing swordsmanship skills and his handsome looks and the way he was supposed to be both smart and personable and really clever? Remember about how we all said that it sounded like it would be super awesome and cool if he ever came out of seclusion?
Well, about half a month after you went into seclusion, he really did come out.
It was NOT COOL AT ALL.
I mean, okay, it wasn’t that bad, I guess. The Sect Leader really is very smooth and charming and he’s an amazing swordsman from what little I saw, but obviously he’s also Sect Leader and very busy so I didn’t see very much of him at all. But it was so weird! He did everything so differently from Teacher! And not in good ways, I didn’t like it them at all, but in all sorts of weird ways, like the curriculum or discipline or sect priorities.
Shixiong, the older disciples nearly went to WAR!
If you had to go your mother would have been so upset! I would have been upset! I mean, what if you’d gotten hurt or something! I was so happy you were in seclusion and didn’t have to go. Not that I’m saying it’s a good thing you missed out on everything – wait, I got sidetracked.
Everyone was really excited to see the Sect Leader at first, especially the elders that remembered him well from before, and the seniors that were his friends from before he went away. It was a little sad, though, because Madam Lan had just died – you remember, his wife, the one who was sick and never came out? – and little Xichen and Wangji were really sad about that, as you can imagine. And since Teacher is the one raising them, he was really busy dealing with that, or trying to as much as he could, so maybe he didn’t have as much time to tell him about how things in the Cloud Recesses were supposed to work normally.
Personally I think it’s a little weird that the Sect Leader came out right at that time? I mean, his wife had just died! You’d think he’d have more reason to be in seclusion, grieving, rather than less. Jiejie said that some people deal with grief by needing to do work, so maybe that’s the reason? I mean, I don’t really understand why he went into seclusion for so long in the first place, and none of the seniors will explain. Shixiong, if you know, you have to promise to tell me, all right?
I’m sure Teacher would have eventually gotten around to explaining, which might have made it all right, but unfortunately, not long after, Teacher went into seclusion.
Before you start telling me Do not tell lies, I know it sounds weird, but it really did happen!
And no, I don’t mean seclusion like all those times Teacher tried to take a half-month off of work in order to go play music, which don’t really count because he was in his own house and you could still ask him questions as long as you sent them to him by writing, and he was still grading tests and doing sect paperwork (last time around I helped pick it up every morning and drop off the new requests every night, and ooh boy was there a lot of it, you should’ve seen, I NEVER want to be sect leader!!!), and of course Xichen and Wangji were still visiting him every day for dinner. In other words, definitely NOT seclusion. Anyway, I don’t think Teacher actually managed to stay in his house the whole half-month even a single time he tried it, so it really doesn’t count.
No, in this case, I’m talking about real serious business seclusion, like what you have been doing for the past year, the sort where you don’t talk to people on the outside and not even answer notes from your favorite shidi when they get shoved through your window, because you’re mean like that. Would sending one note back really have killed you…?
There were a lot of rumors at the time about why he did that. It just seemed so weird, you know, and badly timed? I’m not saying Teacher isn’t entitled to go into seclusion whenever he wants, of course he is, and he’s even entitled to go into seclusion to have a nice relaxing break because his brother is back and willing to take over sect leader duties, the way some of the sect elders seemed to suggest was the situation, but…it seemed weird and wrong.
I mean, what about poor Xichen and Wangji? Their mother just died! They were so upset already, especially Wangji – he was refusing to talk and tried to sit outside in the snow and it was awful, Shixiong, really awful. And then Teacher, who’s been raising them like they’re his own sons all this time, suddenly goes into seclusion? Something was definitely going on there! Something wrong!
Jiejie says I have a suspicious personality.
Someone claimed that Teacher got into a fight with the Sect Leader and the Sect Leader ordered Teacher to go into seclusion to reflect on himself, as a punishment, but that’s completely crazy, right? I mean, it’s Teacher. Even if he’s going to break a rule, he’s going to do it having drafted his own punishment in advance, and I’m pretty sure he’s never picked seclusion as a punishment. Probably because of all that paperwork.
Someone else said it was because he was actually on a super-secret mission for the sect to do something, but that didn’t really seem reasonable either. I mean, Teacher’s great and all, but he’s not really the super-secret mission sort of person, is he? He’s a little too straightforward.
Anyway, we were all really curious, but no one ever figured it out. The Sect Leader just smiled kind of a weird smile honestly, I’m not going to lie, and even jiejie agrees with me so you know it was really weird and shook his head whenever he heard people speculating, but that doesn’t really mean anything. I guess we’ll never really know. The sect elders never tell people anything if they think they don’t need to know it…
At any rate, as you might expect, the situation with Xichen and Wangji only got worse after Teacher went into seclusion. Xichen got super anxious about everything, really anxious, and Wangji reverted back to biting people and throwing temper tantrums, really bad ones, like some sort of feral street child. He even hit people! None of the teachers or caretakers could do anything to make him stop.
And Teacher didn’t break his seclusion to come help them, which makes it even more suspicious, in my opinion. It just seems so unlike him…I really wish a-Die had been around instead of on that long trip down to the south to get ingredients. He was always one of the few people who could talk to Teacher about things, and he’s always willing to tell me things he hears. My best source of gossip I mean my best source of NEWS abandoned me in my time of need!
Everyone was speculating an awful lot, though, and of course the teachers were handing out punishments for No talking behind the backs of others left, right, and center. And also down, up, and upside-down, but it still didn’t stop anyone.
One time, our whole class derailed because some of the older students wouldn’t stop talking about it in the context of discussing the importance of Honor your teacher and respect his teaching. It was super interesting and really quite clever, but I think it maybe made the teacher kind of uncomfortable? Probably because they were being really aggressive and pointed about some stuff, though I’m not entirely sure what point they were trying to make. That was one of the better teachers, though, because he let us have the debate anyway. Some of the other teachers just canceled class any time someone started talking about it or made us do self-study or whatever. Even after I pointed out that we were starting to miss things on the curriculum Teacher set out at the start of the year, no one seemed to care!
It occurs to me that you don’t care about any of this, so I’ll leave it out of the final version.
After Teacher went into seclusion, a lot of things began changing. At first it seemed just like curriculum changes, like there was a lot more sword training than usual, and also a lot of the seniors got really busy all of a sudden, so we juniors had to pick up a lot more of the chores. But later on we found out that the seniors were getting ready to go out on a super important mission that no one was allowed to know the details of – which was very exciting, at first. Everyone was talking about how it was the Sect Leader’s doing, that it was going to be something really exciting, an opportunity to win glory and honor for our Gusu Lan sect, you know, all the usual.
Except later on (much later, I’m skipping ahead a little), it turned out that the mission was going to be a war. Yes, a war, an affirmative war, by our Gusu Lan sect! I know, it sounds unbelievable, but it’s true. It was supposed to be a little border skirmish, the type everyone does well we usually don’t but OTHER PEOPLE do, but still, there was a lot of preparation and a lot of the seniors got dragged into it, whether they wanted to participate or not.
And before I forget, Xichen and little Wangji, remember how I said they were unhappy? Well, it turned out they were SO unhappy that they ran away from home. For real! They’re not even ten yet! And they MANAGED it! They managed to get out of the Cloud Recesses and all the way to the Nightless City where Teacher was staying!
Actually I’m kind of impressed with that. Even if Cangse Sanren found them nearby by coincidence and took them with her, ending up in the Nightless City by accident because of the war and all that, it’s still an achievement, especially given their ages…
Yes, you read that right, the war stuff happened after they disappeared. It wasn’t that people weren’t looking for them, because of course they were, but then the Sect Leader came back and said not to worry, so people stopped because they thought he knew where they were, and presumably he’d heard from Cangse Sanren or maybe from Teacher about it. I don’t know, the whole thing confuses me, I still don’t understand why we needed to go to war at all – I’m getting away from the point.
And lest you think that’s everything, there’s more to it than that!
See, at some point, Teacher left seclusion to go get married.
Without telling anyone.
Yes, Teacher. Yes, a marriage. Yes, left – he married out, not in. Yes, it was a secret marriage.
YES I KNOW IT’S CRAZY BUT IT’S TRUE!!!
The Sect Leader must have known about it, of course, because he’s both Sect Leader, the head of the clan, and Teacher’s older brother, and we all know that Teacher would never fail to obey proper protocol even if he was going to run off to elope.
Shixiong, I swear I go a little more crazy every time I think about it. I can’t believe Teacher eloped! Teacher! TEACHER!!!
Jiejie says that it’s possible that the Sect Leader arranged the marriage for Teacher, rather than it being at Teacher’s instigation, and that maybe he decided it wasn’t enough to make him go into seclusion but rather that he had to go away entirely. And she says I have a suspicious mind…
I mean, that would be ridiculous, right? If it was an arranged marriage, why would Teacher agree to it? Much less to marry out? And the Sect Leader would have to be the rottenest sort of bastard to set up an arranged marriage and then not give any of us the chance to give Teacher a proper send off, and he’s presumably not like that. I mean, that’s based mostly on my experience with Xichen and Wangji since obviously I’ve never met the Sect Leader myself, but it stands to reason, right? Teacher’s his little brother! No one would be that mean to their little brother, right, Shixiong?
I swear that was a genuine question, not a hint.
But wait – if you think Teacher eloping in a grand romantic fashion is weird, just wait till you find out who it was that he married. See, normally this is when I’d tell you to try to guess, Shixiong, but there’s no way that you’d get it, not even if you guessed a thousand times! And that’s why I’m your favorite shidi, because I’m not going to leave you in suspense about it.
The answer is:
Teacher married Qishan Wen’s Sect Leader Wen.
And before you ask, no, there hasn’t been some sort of coup in Qishan Wen or something. I really am talking about Wen Ruohan. Yes, THAT Wen Ruohan. The Wen Ruohan with the torture palace and the professional army and his fingers in every sect’s pie, the one who’s older than dirt but looks like a pretty boy, except you’re not supposed to say that part out loud. The one that everyone says is completely crazy but also really sneaky and clever, the one everyone says is going to take over the cultivation world one day and oh boy have I got news on that front for you, just be patient –
But you want to know what’s even stranger?
(Yes, Shixiong, I know you must be thinking to yourself: what could be stranger than Teacher marrying Sect Leader Wen?? And in fairness in normal times you’d be right to ask, because that was incredibly strange, but in this instance, the world is weirder than you could have possibly imagined!)
At the discussion conference that wasn’t – wait, I’m getting ahead of myself again
After they eloped, Teacher showed up with Sect Leader Wen to a discussion conference that Yunmeng Jiang sect had organized at the Lotus Pier, and that’s where they ended up announcing their marriage.
(Yes, that was the first announcement we had here, too. The Sect Leader didn’t tell anyone about Teacher marrying out, even though he must have known – he didn’t even pretend to be shocked, to hear some of the people who were at the discussion conference tell it. I guess that’s brotherly solidarity for you. Or something?)
Anyway, while they were there, they didn’t just formally announce the marriage – they also announced that Teacher had been married in as the husband. The HUSBAND!!!
Which, yes, means that Sect Leader Wen is the wife.
His wife.
And Sect Leader Wen agreed with it.
Which means: Wen Ruohan! Is! Teacher’s wife!!!
(As you might imagine, everyone immediately went to the library to read up on the rules regarding honoring your teacher’s wife. There was that one treatise written a few generations ago, the one that goes into detail, you may or may not remember it – well, it got so popular that the librarians had to make a request to the Discipline Hall for assistance in having the disciples who were assigned to writing out lines to make extra copies of it. There was such a fuss over it that I think it even got to the ears of the Sect Leader! I don’t know what he thought about it, but I bet it was really funny. Don’t you agree?)
Anyway, I’m going to let you pause to think about that a little bit more.
Wen Ruohan! The master of torture, the near-god, the would-be madman tyrant…is, to all appearances, extremely happy in his role as our Teacher’s beloved little wife!
I mean, I have no problem believing it of Teacher, if you know what I mean – everyone knows that when Teacher says jump, you say how high, it’s practically an unstated rule, and of course Teacher has always been very doting when it comes to people he loves. Look at how meticulous he’s always been about Xichen and Wangji! I bet that now that he’s married, he probably spoils his wife rotten…not that I think that Sect Leader Wen is easy to spoil. I mean, just think about the size of that dowry, right?
I mean, the Qishan Wen sect is all Sect Leader Wen’s, and he doesn’t even have sect elders to worry about because he’s so old and powerful. Even his wives don’t cause trouble and by all accounts seem to be pretty content with Teacher managing him, which is only reasonable, because Teacher managing anything makes it better. Practically a rule. Qishan Wen really are the sun in the sky, spreading their influence everywhere – I think they control a third of the cultivation world, if not closer to half.
Well back then anyway, before everything went down…I shouldn’t have crossed that out.
Well, it would be correct to say that Qishan Wen controlled a third or maybe a half of the cultivation world before you went into seclusion. There have been a few changes since then.
First off, before I get there, let me start with the mountain, and to explain the mountain, I need to explain the war. I unfortunately can’t tell you too much about exactly what was planned for the war, Shixiong, since I don’t actually know. The long and the short of it is that the Sect Leader decided we were going to have a border skirmish with one of the small independent sects, the sect elders didn’t object (or at least they didn’t succeed in objecting, which I personally think Teacher would have), and a lot of the seniors had to go to fight.
A lot of them were very stressed about it, some of them to the point of throwing up, but there wasn’t any choice. We were all so worried about them, Shixiong! Especially once all the other sects found out about it and it turned into a really big deal – we kept hearing all sorts of updates, about Lanling Jin hiring mercenaries and the local sects activating their defenses and the Wen sect’s army moving into the area – it was very frightening, Shixiong. I’m completely in earnest, it was terrifying. The thought of all of our shixiongs and shijies going to war and maybe getting hurt or even dying…I threw up once or twice myself, actually.
But don’t worry! Despite what a lot of us were afraid of, it all turned out all right in the end. Not because war isn’t as bad as we think it is, but rather because in the end we didn’t end up having to have a war at all.
There was an earthquake instead.
Some people said that it was caused by –
Well, some of the seniors were a little silly and believed –
There was this whole thing with Baoshan Sanren’s mountain supposedly moving –
In a somewhat amusing turn of events, Cangse Sanren, disciple of the celestial immortal mountain of Baoshan Sanren, apparently came by and made a joke that got a little out of hand –
Well, Teacher says that it was obviously a joke, anyway. But on the other hand, according to the seniors the timing was really suspicious and all, and also I think Teacher and Cangse Sanren are friends, so theoretically they could be engaged in some sort of cover-up, who even knows –
Listen, Shixiong, even if it’s fake it would be SO COOL if it were true –
There was an earthquake.
The earthquake was so powerful that it shook the foundations of one of the local mountains in the area (it was in a place called Xixiang, you wouldn’t have heard of it) and kicked off a terrible landslide, which was going to destroy the nearby towns and poison the local reservoir. I say ‘going to,’ because it didn’t, because Sect Leader Wen stopped it.
‘What are you talking about, Zhijin?’ I can hear you saying now. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, everyone knows that it’s impossible to fight a natural disaster, not even if you have a whole bunch of cultivators.’
WELL.
GUESS WHAT.
Turns out that when they say that Sect Leader Wen is powerful, they really, really mean it.
I mean, the entire cultivation world was absolutely shocked by what he did, so it wasn’t just a surprise to us. No one can entirely agree on what exactly he did or how he did it, but they do agree that he used some sort of secret cultivation art and just blasted all the rocks coming down from the mountain into dust before it could hit the towns.
Just…imagine that.
Shixiong, isn’t that so cool? And he’s our Teacher’s wife! Get it, Teacher!
Reminder: implications aren’t a violation of the rule against vulgar language.
Anyway, while or maybe shortly after Teacher’s wife fought a mountain and either won or at least got to a very respectable draw, a bunch of evil spirits (ghosts, spirits, corpses, everything) that had been hiding in the base of the mountain got out and started swarming everywhere. Luckily all the sects or at least many of them were already there, because they were expecting to have to go to war, and so everyone was able to go deal with them at once. It was a whole big thing! Everyone was fighting them, the whole cultivation world working together instead of competing against each other.
(Sadly something like that is not likely to happen ever again in either of our lifetimes outside of something artificial like a discussion conference or a big celebration. And we both missed this one, me because of age and you because of seclusion. Oh, well.)
Anyway, I wouldn’t be wasting your precious just-out-of-seclusion time with this update, Shixiong, unless I really thought it was important – I’m NOT gossiping just for the sake of gossiping – but rather I’m just giving you the background for all the stuff that happened after that. We’re talking big massive shifts in the entire cultivation world, Shixiong, stuff you really need to know about, you understand?
We’re talking about the change of power in multiple Great Sects, the rise of the Wen sect (well, continued rise anyway), and Teacher becoming the second or maybe first most important person in the entire cultivation world, which is so cool I sometimes think about it while daydreaming and then someone scolds me for violating Do not smile foolishly. I’m not the only one, either, everyone is violating that rule these days.
Now, because Do not tell lies,I will admit that I don’t know exactly what happened, since it’s still unclear – some things are really best left to later historians and record-keepers – but I can at least give you the general gist to the best of my understanding.
So, remember how I mentioned all those ghosts and spirits and corpses? Rumor has it that Lanling Jin’s Sect Leader Jin got possessed by one of them, apparently a libidinous ghost. Supposedly that’s how it got through all of his defenses as a cultivator and sect leader, because he was himself so libidinous that it attracted the ghost’s attention and it used that to get him. Jiejie says that it took the form of a beautiful woman and he couldn’t resist grabbing at her and THAT’S how it got him, which just goes to show that our ancestors were right about Do not indulge in debauchery and Promiscuity is forbidden.
It must have been a really super powerful ghost to manage to get to a sect leader like that, and it was a very vicious ghost, too, because it made Sect Leader Jin make a whole bunch of cursed gold coins which then got passed around to everyone in the cultivation world. It was really dangerous, Shixiong – everyone accepted them because it was polite (they were really ugly), but because they had a commemorative design, the sect elders were planning on letting people keep them. Imagine what might have happened if they hadn’t figured out that they were cursed! It would have been awful!
What we THINK happened is that the Sect Leader and Teacher must have met up somewhere on the battlefield and figured out something had gone wrong, somehow, because they were the ones that ultimately solved the issue. The Sect Leader went off to hunt down the libidinous ghost’s tracks, or at least that’s what must have happened because there’s no other reason why he would have just disappeared like that right after a big battle while Teacher and Sect Leader Wen went to investigate the rest of the cultivation world.
Maybe because Sect Leader Wen was the one who fought the mountain landslide, Sect Leader Jin the ghost possessing Sect Leader Jin also tried to have him killed right in the middle of the Lotus Pier. (Yunmeng Jiang sect was hosting a party to make up for the fact that everyone went home after the discussion conference; it’s not really important to the story, Shixiong, but if you have questions I’ll tell you all about it later because it is SOOOO funny). Teacher had to go rushing in to save his wife, like a hero rescuing a damsel in distress, a scene right out of a novel – I wish I was there to see that, even more than the mountain thing. Not because of how good a swordsman Teacher is (the Sect Leader is probably better, I GUESS) but, well, the idea of Teacher waving his sword around and charging in through a door to save his wife just sounds like it would have been amazing, right?
Especially because the wife is Sect Leader Wen. I mean, you’ve got to admit that’s funny, right??
After that, Sect Leader Wen took his army to Lanling City, Unfortunately, they weren’t in time to keep the libidinous ghost from killing Sect Leader Jin – supposedly he died in bed with a whole bunch of prostitutes because the ghost kept going and going until his heart exploded, if you know what I mean – and then possessing someone else, though I’m not sure exactly who. From what I hear, the Sect Leader ended up fighting and killing it in some sort of epic showdown, fighting side-by-side with Sect Leader Wen or something like that, but he was hurt really badly in the process and ended up dying.
Which is heroic and all, I guess, but also a little sad?
He spent so long in seclusion and died so shortly after he got out – it doesn’t seem fair.
Jiejie says that what actually killed the Sect Leader was more likely a broken heart. She says that even though the ghost must have been super powerful if it took over Sect Leader Jin, it wasn’t enough that it would have defeated our Sect Leader – certainly not with Sect Leader Wen to help out, even if he was still super tired from fighting the mountain – but that the Sect Leader was still so sad about his wife dying that he’d just wanted to do one last thing for the sect before he died, so when he defeated the ghost he was satisfied with what he’d done and so he died.
It sounds like a ridiculous load of romantic nonsense to me, but don’t tell Jiejie I said that –
On reflection, the suggestion made was a totally reasonable theory which I definitely don’t doubt in any way and also Jiejie says to say hi and best wishes on your return to you, Shixiong. Which I’m doing, because she’s the kindest, most beautiful and most forgiving jiejie in the world, with the sharpest eyes for READING OVER PEOPLE’S SHOULDERS, and also the one with the strongest pinching fingers with unerring aim right for my ear. Which still hurts.
Anyway.
My point is, think about that, Shixiong: both our Sect Leader and Sect Leader Jin died! And in our case, we didn’t even have Teacher around any more, because he married out, and then he comes back and does the most epic scolding in Gusu Lan history, causing all the sect elders to retire, leaving us completely bereft…!
It’s madness, Shixiong, I’m telling you, madness!
Okay, maybe not madness, I’m exaggerating. It could be much worse. At least we still have Teacher! Even if he is going to be mostly managing the sect providing advice on managing the sect from where he lives in the Nightless City, though of course they’re going to be promoting a lot of the sect seniors that were already doing things to do most of the day-to-day stuff (but more importantly we’ll still have Teacher, too, because Sect Leader Wen has already agreed that they’ll spend a little time out of every season or two in the Cloud Recesses, as needed, until Xichen and Wangji get old enough to start apprenticing as future sect leader/second-in-command).
Before you start worrying, Shixiong, we’re not actually becoming a subsidiary sect of Qishan Wen. Teacher would never let that happen.
Least of all to Xichen and Wangji, who are going to inherit it eventually!
Anyway, we’re still definitely in a better situation than, say, Lanling Jin, whose only option for sect leadership is a six-year-old child. His mother, Madam Jin, is temporarily acting as sect leader in his place, but given everything that happened with the ghost, Sect Leader Wen has stationed a battalion of his army at Jinlin Tower to make sure that nothing goes wrong.
Now THAT is called becoming a subsidiary sect, even if Lanling Jin will never admit it.
At this point, Shixiong, you may be thinking to yourself – wow! That’s a lot of change! The Qishan Wen sect has extended its influence over two Great Sects and all of their subsidiaries!
BUT THERE’S MORE.
It seems like, either during the events of Xixiang or shortly before, Qinghe Nie’s Sect Leader Nie suffered from a minor qi deviation – and you know how Qinghe Nie sect leaders tend to be with qi deviations. Anyway, since he’s friends with Teacher and Sect Leader Wen, they all put their heads together along with the Nie sect doctors and they seem to have come up with a way to keep him from having any more qi deviations. Now obviously I don’t know what that method is, since no matter how it was created, it’s officially a Qinghe Nie sect secret now, but what I do know is that whatever the method is, it involves Sect Leader Nie needing to retire from being sect leader in another year or so.
Apparently he’s going to go travel the world with Cangse Sanren and her husband, because he’s promised to kill some sort of beast for her in exchange for something that she’s doing for him that helps with his qi deviation problem. Jiejie says that Cangse Sanren is so funny that she can use jokes to make his qi travel right and that’s why he needs to be with her all the time, but that seems dumb, right? Maybe? DO NOT TELL JIEJIE OR SHE’LL GET MY EAR AGAIN.
Interestingly enough, Shixiong, they came to check out something in our Cloud Recesses’ library once, and it turns out that Cangse Sanren’s husband – you know, Wei Changze, formerly a servant in Yunmeng Jiang – is actually a historian with an interest in curses and unorthodox cultivation styles. Cool, huh? I think he’s going to stick around for a bit, too, or at least until he’s made his way through most of the library, which will take a while.
What this means, though, is that his son, Nie Mingjue, is going to have to take over, and he’s not even fifteen yet. I think? Maybe he is. He could even be older. You know how the Nie are. Either way, I don’t think the Nie sect is going to install a regent for him, but obviously, at that age, he’s probably going to need a lot of help in running sect matters. His father will be able to help somewhat, but otherwise he’s probably going to need to reach out to his sect’s allies.
Which, if you think about it, are: Gusu Lan and Qishan Wen.
And more specifically, Sect Leader Nie’s good friends, Teacher and Sect Leader Wen.
If you’re keeping track, that’s now three Great Sects that Qishan Wen has somehow managed to get its claws into (with Teacher’s help, which only goes to show you how awesome Teacher is).
Now, Shixiong, you may be thinking to yourself: ‘Okay, I think I see where this is going. Now tell me who died in Yunmeng Jiang!’
Well, I’m pleased to tell you: nobody died. They’re all okay. For once.
They’ve actually had a very positive change for the better. You see, apparently, Madam Yu or maybe we’re supposed to call her Madam Jiang now? Madam Yu got inspired by Sect Leader Wen being Teacher’s wife despite being more powerful and the proper sect bloodline and all that. She apparently went and demanded that Sect Leader Jiang let her be the husband, because she was more suited for the role than he was. And he AGREED!
(Only Yunmeng Jiang, am I right? Attempt the impossible!)
So now Madam Yu is running Yunmeng Jiang and Sect Leader Jiang is helping her do it, I guess, but either way the rumor is that they’re both much happier now. Or at least you don’t hear stories about them fighting all the time anymore, anyway.
Oh, and their kids are also all right. Uh, I may have forgotten to mention, but actually Cangse Sanren temporarily took the two Jiang sect heirs with her so that they could get to know her son while spending time together on a road trip, which turned out to be the same road trip where she happened to trip over Xichen and Wangji. What a coincidence, right?
Which leads me to the best part: TEACHER IS GOING TO BE TEACHING AGAIN!!!
It’s not going to be at home, of course, because he lives in the Nightless City now. But all that means is that all of us juniors get to go to stay at the Nightless City (which is supposedly HUGE) so that we can all do our lessons there together! It’s going to be year-round classes, with month or two month breaks around all the big holidays, and it’s going to be great. Qinghe Nie is sending their young master, Nie Huaisang, with Nie Mingjue going to go as well to learn how to run a sect from Sect Leader Wen, and Lanling Jin’s Jin Zixuan is going to be there (he doesn’t get a choice), Xichen and Wangji are obviously going to be there because Teacher is there, the Wen heirs (I think there’s two of them? maybe more if you count in some of their cousins?) already live there, and the Jiang sect heirs got brought there by Cangse Sanren along with her son…listen, Shixiong, you know how Teacher always invites some people from other sects to join our lessons with him, right?
Well, imagine that, except EVERYONE is going to be there. It’s going to be so much fun!
Yes, you read that right – it’s going to be fun, for me, because your favorite shidi is going to be one of the people that gets to go! I’ve never been happier to be one of the age groups that Teacher teaches…if you come out of seclusion early enough, maybe you can try to get a spot too? You’re not that old, you could probably get in with the older group!
Please, please please, Shixiong? It would be so much fun to have you there!
And even if you can’t get a spot, maybe you can come help teach or something? Teacher has already had to start recruiting extra people to come help with the classes, since there’s probably going to be a fair number of us there. Someone to supervise self-study, keep an eye on the sword training, help the ones who don’t know music with the basics – that sort of thing.
Supposedly Sect Leader Wen even volunteered to personally teach a class on arrays!
Jiejie says Teacher might not let him do it if he doesn’t behave. Then she giggled for some reason? I’m pretty sure it’s some sort of innuendo, but I’m not sure I understand what she was referencing…
Speaking of Sect Leader Wen, if you’re worried about the Fire Palace, don’t be – he’s apparently working on dismantling most of the torture palace aspects of it and turning it into a hobby palace instead. Or, well, apparently it’s always been the Wen sect leader’s hobby palace, only the sect leaders before Sect Leader Wen made it a pleasure palace and he made it a torture palace.
And now it’s going to be a…study palace, I guess?
I don’t know exactly. I think it’s supposed to be a place where people do experiments with arrays, which are Sect Leader Wen’s specialty. I don’t think I know enough about it to really understand, I think, but there was something about studying what happens to spiritual energy when it gets really small or really big and how it interacts with all sorts of things, coming up with rules about how it works and then trying to break them and stuff like that…anyway, all of a-Die’s alchemist and artificer friends got really excited, and a lot of the sect’s philosophers did, too, so I’m taking that to mean that it’s a good thing.
At minimum, it’s lots better than a torture palace, anyway.
Not that I would expect anything less from our Teacher, of course. They say that he can make a gentleman even out of a waste – why not make a good wife out of a tyrant?
Don’t tell Jiejie I said that. Or anyone else. Just imagine if Sect Leader Wen heard about that…!
Actually, I don’t know, maybe he wouldn’t mind?
I actually saw Teacher and Sect Leader Wen recently. They came together to the Cloud Recesses on some sort of business – maybe related to that time Teacher just straight up murdered a sect elder for breaking the rules? Teacher is SO COOL – and they were walking together through the Cloud Recesses, their heads bent together as they spoke with each other. Sect Leader Wen really does only look like he’s only in his twenties, particularly when he smiles, and he was smiling at Teacher, who looked content and pleased and warm in the way he does when he’s had some time to work on his music or spend time on things that make him happy.
His whole face was softer, you know? And for once, he was actually getting the chance to walk around without getting bothered by either the sect elders (not present) or the juniors (too afraid of Sect Leader Wen). I don’t think I’ve ever seen Teacher look so peaceful.
They’re obviously in love.
It’s just nice to see, you know? You hear about all those stories about Gusu Lan as compared to other sects, and particularly about the idiosyncratic yes I know big words too, Shixiong, I can be elegant when I want to be ways that the Lan of Gusu Lan go about falling in love when they end up falling in love. It’s just so - so - why are words hard And in this case I just feel like it sort of feels like the right end, you know? You know the way that Teacher always seemed a little lonely sometimes, like he wanted to be one of the ones that fell in love like that, but he just happened not to have had a chance yet.
And now he found his chance.
I mean…okay, sure, he found his chance and his love with possibly the weirdest person ever. There are definitely people in the sect that are never recovering from the shock they got when word of Teacher’s marriage got out. But you know what, if it works for him, good for him.
I’m glad they’re in love.
And they were obviously in love.
Really obviously in love, even if they weren’t putting it on display or anything.
I mean, they were glowing. Both of them – I think it might even be a bit literally true? They seemed brighter than the surroundings, somehow. I called Jiejie over to look, and she agreed that they were cute! Which wasn’t actually my question, but I guess it’s true.
And I guess I can understand why Teacher decided to elope with him.
(But only because we still get to attend Teacher’s classes. If Sect Leader Wen took away Teacher for good, I would be sooooo mad!)
Anyway, Shixiong, I hope that this is helpful…
Uh, sorry shixiong, it looks like I may have misunderstood the exact time and date and uh, everything, and now I really have to go pack RIGHT NOW because otherwise I’m going to be super late and I mean SUPER LATE so uh I guess you’re just going to have to get this letter as is, hopefully I haven’t forgotten to cross out anything too embarrassing, have a nice time back from seclusion bye!!!
~ Lan Zhijin
P.S. FIND A WAY TO COME TO THE NIGHTLESS CITY! WE’RE ALL GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN!
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hi bestie, thank you for tagging me <3
i think i speak for everyone if i say that we all need some cute carlos
❛ you can hold my hand, if you want. ❜ + carlos sainz jr
summary: you should have known the invitation to collaborate with the Scuderia Ferrari was too good to be true (or the one where you regret saying yes to Ferrari Land)
a/n: not my favorite, feel like the transitions were not the best, but i hope you like it dom <3. wrote this w all my heart !!
part of my drabble party <3
hold tight, & don't let go — (cs55)
“Tell me again why I agreed to do this?” You’re shaking a bit, palms clammy and toes almost numb from the sense of dread that had been coiling in your stomach all morning.
Your manager laughs, clearly unbothered by your distraught expression that was only getting paler by the second. The sounds of metal grinding against each other only makes your skin rise, you were definitely regretting your decision now.
“Come on, you were excited about this yesterday,” She’s not wrong, you were in fact excited. How often could someone say that the Scuderia Ferrari team had invited them for a collaboration on their social media platforms? Not only would you be getting good promotion and money from the collaboration, but it was an amazing accomplishment for an account like yours who was still just starting to grow.
You would’ve just been more excited if the venue wasn’t harboring one of the things you were most scared of; roller coasters.
A part of you blames yourself, remembering the eager email you had sent out to the media team. ‘I’m open to do anything’ you had typed out excitedly, but now, looking at the itinerary you had been handed during a quick meeting you asked yourself whether you really were open to do anything.
It’s the boldness of the letters, contrasting red against the rest of the schedule. You figure it’s because it’s the most important part of the day, but it’s still intimidating, almost taunting.
Roller coaster video with Carlos : A Get to Know Driver #55
You stare at the words, hoping that the universe would somehow change them. You’re so focused that you don’t even hear the footsteps coming from behind you. You almost feel light headed again, folding the paper in half before you’re pressing your hand against your eyes.
“First time doing a collaboration?” The words are said jokingly, laced with an all too familiar accent that is impossible for you to not recognise.
You slowly peek through your fingers, spotting his usual disheveled mane, and that’s the only confirmation you need. You lower your hand, his face slowly coming into view.
“Hi, y/n.” You introduce yourself sheepishly, offering your hand out to shake. “Sorry- yeah. First time doing this.” You laugh nervously as Carlos takes your hand into his. He laughs, earnest and sincere and it somehow relaxes your shoulders as your nervous smile turns genuine.
“Carlos,” He says back, giving you a firm handshake. He knows he doesn’t need the introduction, not when you were there to interview him, but he still does it, smiling at you before pulling his hand away. His eyes linger on you for a bit too long and you feel your cheeks flush slightly.
“How are you though? Excited?” Carlos asks, clearly trying to be friendly. It’s nice for him to ask, sweet even, but you can barely entertain a conversation when your stomach is twisting into knots.
“I’m gonna be honest,” you murmur, “I’m terrified.” You spill, unable to hold your words back. Carlos’ eyes widen slightly.
“Am I that intimidating?” He asks, and the words surprise you to the point that you have to let out a laugh.
“No- you’re not intimidating.” You say, quickly slipping in an apology. “I’m scared to get on the ride.” The explanation seems to make sense to Carlos because his demeanor changes, his cheeks going red.
“Ah right, shit.” He says, scratching the back of his neck. “Not to be rude, but, why did you agree to do it?” Carlos asks and you look at him with a feigned expression of insult.
“Didn’t you say it yourself? When Ferrari calls, you answer.”
—
Quoting Carlos seems to strike a chord with him because he does try his best to make you feel better. He grabs you a bottle of cold water, sits next to you, and you both end up talking about the interview, the questions you had been given to ask him.
You feel bad for him as you go through the questions, most being the overused generic ones; understeer or oversteer, day or night race, circuit or street race. You can tell he’s a bit bored as he tells you the answer.
“What question would you add onto if you could?” Carlos asks curiously, knocking his shoulder into yours. You think for a moment in thought before speaking.
“What are you scared of?” You ask curiously looking over at him. His brows perk up at the question before a smile plays at his lips.
“Heh, haven’t thought of that actually,” Carlos says, putting his fingers to his chin. He’s in deep thought, but before he can ask the question you’re both being called over to be guided to the ride’s entrance.
All the blood leaves your face as you get up, the nerves that Carlos had shooed away suddenly coming back.
You both walk anyway, following the park’s worker. To your surprise Carlos holds the lower of your back the whole way, hand gently rubbing you soothingly. “You’re gonna be fine.” He smiles once you’re both at the platform.
“We’re gonna have a test run first,” One of the people wearing a Ferrari shirt explains as the park’s worker helps you into your seat. Carlos slides next to you in your booth, handing you the cue cards for the questions you’d have to ask later.
“Okay, ready?” Carlos asks with a smile at you. You look at the tracks in front of you, heart leaping the moment the metal bar of the carriage clicks you both in place. Carlos’ leg is pressed against yours and you can hear the way the tracks click underneath you but you give him a nod. Your hand wraps around the metal bar, knuckles going white as the carriage begins to move.
It’s slow at first, the carriage climbing up the hill. It’s not too bad, you’re far up but the scenery is nice, but the moment you start seeing the drop in the tracks you’re shaking again.
“I’m scared. I’m scared.” You say, voice shaking as you look around, terrified when you realize there’s nowhere to go.
“Hey, hey,” Carlos says, his hand gently taps at your wrist, smiling.
“You can hold my hand, if you want to,” He offers it with a soft voice. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.” He says just as the carriage stops at the top of the rollercoaster.
“Okay, but don’t let go.” You murmur quietly taking his hand. The track clicks and you’re hanging, about to drop down the hill. “Carlos,”
He laughs softly before nodding. “I won’t let go, I promise.”
#carlos sainz#cs55#formula 1#f1 imagines#carlos sainz jr#carlos sainz x y/n#carlos sainz x you#carlos sainz x reader#niks drabble party#drabble party w niks
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All About Me and My Big 3
Somebody asked and I thought why not introduce myself by using my Big 3. I also would appreciate request and recommendations on what to talk about.
I go by Mista or Mystic. I’m 24. I like to write. Storytelling, poetry, and content writing. I read people’s charts and tell them about themselves to get them to understand themselves and be the best version of themselves.
😎 Scorpio Sun 28° [6th House] - I’m a private individual and I have a deep sense of transformation. I have a strong desire to uncovering the truth and finding the hidden meanings of life. I usually find myself being the voice of reason in my immediate environment [3rd House/Leo]. I do service for others in my day to day life/work. It’s combust my Mercury (My chart ruler). deep into subjects, analyze situations, and communicate with depth and intensity. I may get into a lot of investigative thinking and uncover hidden truths. I do plan to get into more celebrity examples and how real life situations are reflected by the stars.
🔥 Aries Moon 25° [11th House] - This makes me feel slightly impulsive in my behavior but it also enhances the mars in my chart which is in Capricorn. It makes me start a lot of projects and I can’t rely on this energy too much cause I get burnt out eventually. I get excited a lot, thus I initiate a lot of new projects. So I have to be knowing that what it is I’m putting my energy into is something I’m truly enjoying, otherwise it just won’t work. This aspect is what makes me very social and confident in my friend groups [Jupiter conjunction].
🎭 Gemini Ascendant 22° - I love that I have no planets here. I’m constantly transforming and changing. I notice when I utilize the power of choosing peace over chaos (which isn’t always easy btw) I get blessings from the universe. I also have a grand trine aspect with Venus 12° [Libra/5th House] and Uranus 13°[Aquarius/Uranus]. I am a creative writer and plan to publish for my first book this year. I can be social or quiet it don’t matter I always have people look at me in the room. I’m currently in a 1st House Profection year so I’m pretty confident in my being at this time. It all came from my experiences from the previous year.
I do readings just “shoot” me a message with the following and I’ll have an entire PDF made specifically for you.
$5.55 - Basic Big 3 Reading
$11.11 - Love Readings (Synastry)
$22.22 - Full Natal Chart Reading
$44.44 - In-Depth Natal Chart Reading
#reading#astrology aspects#astrology observations#money astrology#about myself#business#birth chart#natal chart#synastry#astrology readings#occult
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Fuck Goals: Floor, Range, and Ceiling
Since my other Fuck Goals post resonated with so many people, I wanted to pass along another way of thinking about things I want to do repeatedly in a way that’s helped me - floor, range, and ceiling.
Floor
The floor is your bare minimum that “counts”. This should be just above what you’re currently doing and if what you’re currently doing is nothing, it better be small. When setting up any habit tracker (app or analog) the floor should be what you set up and what counts toward a streak.
Now I know what you might be thinking - “But that’s not what I actually want to do.” That’s fair, but you can’t build from none and you can’t build from some. So giving credit to doing just a little bit more is way more encouraging on days you feel like fucking crap, than doing what you set out to do. Some is so much better than none. Some deserves to count.
Range
A nice round number is not a good thing to shoot for in my opinion. A range is much more realistic and satisfying. You can indulge in the activity rather than being bound to it. It being just another task on your to do list can really make it less enjoyable to maintain over the long term. Most people who do repeated activities everyday aren’t doing it the exact same way each time and it’s nice to mimic that naturalness early on.
The range still needs to be realistic. Ideally it should be something you can hit more days than you don’t in a given week. If you can’t, then you’ll need to adjust it down.
Ceiling
Ceiling is the part I don’t see a lot of people talk about. I set my ceilings at a point where I know if I go much over that, I will super not want to do the activity again the next day. I have to have a cut off point or my own enthusiasm will burn me out harder than anything else. I want to leave off where I’m excited to pick up the activity again the next day, not when I did it for as long as I wanted and now I’ve lost my taste for it.
Sometimes this takes experimentation. If you set a floor and a range and then find yourself falling off of the wagon after you’ve been excitedly over doing it for a while - that’s an indication to set a ceiling lower than whatever the last day you were feeling good about it involved.
Example: Steps
I was bedbound on and off for a few years and when I was finally walking again, I had some painful muscle atrophy to contend with so I wanted to make walking a regular thing for me as much as possible. At the time I was getting about 300-500 steps a day. I lived in a rough neighborhood so I knew all my walking would likely need to be done inside if I was going to feel safe enough to do it regularly so I didn’t want to set too high a step goal since walking inside tends to take longer.
So I set my first floor at 1k steps a day and range within 2.5k - 3k. This was honestly a little ambitious but I consistently tried to over shoot it because my “actual” goal in my head was 10k steps. When I looked at days after when I was falling off - I’d usually gone over 5k so 5k became the ceiling.
And it stayed that way for many months. I’d fall off and adjust stuff downward but eventually I was consistently getting 1k steps and more days than not getting steps between 3k-5k.
I really resented my step goal being 1k honestly. I didn’t always look forward to tapping the 1k button on my habit tracker. But on hard days is when I started to appreciate immensely that I still got credit for something. Plus I knew I’d gone over on the days I had. I didn’t need micro validation from an app to tell me that was good.
Around that time we moved and I had a safer environment to walk in. So I bumped it up. I kept 1k as my floor but I made around 5k steps the range and 7k the ceiling. That was a bit of a rough transition and it involved me really having to experiment with routines to make that happen so I’m glad I didn’t raise my floor any during that time.
As I figured out my routines, I realize I was hitting 5k more days than I wasn’t so I bumped up my floor to 3k.
Now - about 14 months from when I started doing this seriously, 5k is my floor and 8k - 10k is my range. ~12k is my ceiling at the moment. I don’t know that I have much inclination to do more but the best part about it is that it’s designed for maintenance. 5k is what I can reliably do even on tough days and it will count, I won’t lose my thread. And that will motivate me to keep going indefinitely or at least it has so far.
I was sick the other day and had to drop down to 5k - before I would have just taken a day off and gotten thrown off but even when I’m having trouble I can get 5k now. It feels like a dream.
Conclusion
This doesn’t just apply to fitness habits though. Want to start a reading habit? 5 minutes floor, 20-30 minute range, 1 hour ceiling. Or whatever makes sense where you’re at. Wanna declutter your house? 5 minute floor, 15-20 range, 1 hour ceiling. You get the picture. Whatever it is you want to do, set these posts to keep you on the track. Adjust them up only based on what you’re actually getting done over 3-6 weeks at a time. Adjust them down as needed.
Oh and this can be used for decreasing behaviors too. Say you’re trying to reduce how much time you spend on social media. Maybe 15 minutes less per day is your floor. 1-2 hours less is your range, and 5 days without checking it is your ceiling.
Remember - something is so much better than nothing. Even very little steps in the direction you want to go will eventually get you closer to where you want to be. You got this!
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Transition journal #2: October 2023
Two months, lets gooooo!!!!!! To start off, I've updated my metrics spreadsheet:
My first levels check is on there, alongside the usual stuff.
I have a couple of thoughts and notes, just like I did last month, but this is probably going to be a bit shorter and less excited than last month. Nothing disappointing about this month, just less so than the wave of emotions that came with starting.
The biggest change in the past month has def been that I started my spiro based on my levels. I was actually genuinely surprised that my levels were that low on E and high on T. T is solidly above target levels, and my endo described my E as “barely acceptable” and said we should get it higher. I’m all for it, of course. But that also means starting spiro.
Right before starting spiro, I was noting that that initial burst of changes was slowing down. Notably, it seemed like breast growth was slowing, but tbf, it really seemed like I had a frenzy of it to kick off the changes. Spiro does feel like it restarted that, but I can’t tell how much that’s a direct effect of it and how much it's just that these changes are going in bursts anyways.
That being said, it's been an interesting month of changes. Notably, my overbust hasn’t increased at all- but, I’ve lost a lot of weight overall. My waist and underbust both decreased, while my overbust and hips remained exactly the same. So proportionately, they’ve grown. I’m actually shocked that my underbust decreased, even if it was just half an inch. Best I can figure is that I have fat pockets that extend down from my armpits, and I think I burned fat from those. While bone changes are possible even in adults on HRT, they wouldn’t happen this fast to my ribcage. I don’t think I’m go
Of course, I’m wildly happy about the way my waist has been developing. Not only is it quantitatively thinning, the way the fat looks even in side profile is gradually looking more like “female” pudge as opposed to “man” pudge. Does that make sense? There’s certainly a difference between the way hormonally male and female people carry their belly fat, and I think I’m starting to see just a little of that femaleness shine through. I’m ecstatic. I do want to lose a tiny bit more weight, or at least maintain my current weight while other regions of my body grows, and hopefully this trend will continue. Gotta have the best waist for someone’s arm to slip around.
As usual, it does seem like my wide shoulders and barrel chest are a little at odds with my waist-to-hip ratio. I have a full on fridge upper body, a nicely slimming waist, and relatively wide hips. That seems to be holding pretty true, but we’ll see how it turns out long term.
I made a post about this the other day, but I do think I’m registering facial changes on some subconscious level. I can’t really put my finger on it, but something is different in the mirror. I’m comparing before and after unmasked pictures, and I do think there’s some slight facial changes coming on. But still, I’m a little worried about the pace of it, and worried about if I’ll ever pass in that department. But hey. If I don’t, I don’t, and I just present how I want, when I want.
It’s not noticeable enough to really tell yet, but I think my facial hair growth has slowed a little bit. I’m shaving weekly at this point, and it does seem a little bit thinner every time. But I don’t think I have enough data to tell, really, so we’ll see where that goes. It’ll never get to the point where I won’t need laser. I’m mostly just worried that my facial hair will be my last bastion of boymoding, so I’m being a dumbass and procrastinating a lot on that.
Overall, however, I do want to get tf off of spiro once my levels are stable and can potentially be suppressed by estrogen alone. There’s a little I’ll write about below, but mostly… the motherfucking diuretic effect. Oh my fucking god. My caffeine and water consumption means I pee a lot anyways, but fucking hell. I feel like a goddamn fountain, what the fuck. Hopefully I’ll be able to get off it sooner rather than later, especially if I can get injections.
Mild nsfw ahead. As usual, this is raw information, and if you’re weird about it, you will be blocked.
If I didn’t say this before, the information in the spreadsheet is only part of what I’m logging monthly- I have a more extensive record that includes things that feel just an ooch intrusive. This also includes a SHITTON of progress pictures in neutral poses and expressions that I’ve standardized to be the same across the months. I mention this bc I can def see some progress in these pictures. Mostly, I think this has to do with my lower body and waist shape. My ass has def gotten a bit bigger, but the reason my hip measurement hasn’t changed is because that measurement is still dominated by my thighs, and the place where growth is happening is still slightly offset from the largest hip measurement, which, as far as I know, is where it's supposed to be taken.
My breasts have also gotten a lot more distinctly breast-like in their qualitative visual appearance. I think this is a combination of the bust to band size/waist ratio getting better, as well as the breasts filling in more. My nipples are less protruding than last month, and the breast is forming a bit more of a mound as opposed to just essentially the bud forming. Eg, there’s actual structure there now. I can actual hop up and down and yes, they do jiggle. Still, the nipples are leading the charge. I’m a little worried about “cone tits”, or breasts where the nipple develops and pushes out without giving much of a rounded shape to the surrounding tissue. I think its a bit too early to tell, however. I’m hoping to get some nice, serious development in before I start progesterone, and the way things are going… yeah, I think I’ll be good there. Obviously I don’t want them to stop anytime soon, but if my boobs continue at this rate, I don’t think I’ll have anything to worry about chest wise.
The sensitivity “cycle” I’ve been going through does seem to have continued, although the timing of it is erratic. I do very clearly go through bursts of higher erotic sensitivity, followed by uncomfortable sensitivity, followed by a lack of sensitivity. The timing, again, is erratic. We’ll see what it stabilizes to long term- this could be a very unstable transfemme period (side note, I know that’s a controversial topic in the trans community. There’s very little data on the subject, but I do believe it is likely that its happening. The estrogen pathway can easily be cyclical when started. But I digress, I’ll relate my personal experience to that as time goes on and keep my eye out for any papers.).
Since starting spiro, I’ve also noticed some differences in sexual function. I’m not gonna get into the raw details there, I’ve recorded them in a personal version of this. But do note if you’re considering spiro that it's a thing that will probably happen.
#transition journal#trans#transgender#trans femme#trans timeline#transition#transitioning#trans documentation#trans woman#transfemme#mtf trans#trans fem#trans journal
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Ahhhhhhhh, I am so so so sorry! I got into character ai recently and next thing I know 2 weeks has passed. It was all a blur- ugh I feel bad and now I have to slowly transition out that writing style to the writing style of this. So enjoy this, cause fuck I lost track of time so hard... I'll try to finish the 2nd chapter soon since I usually write fast. I just need time to resist the urge to go back to that site. Also it was super fun got a husband, lover, and son. Went through hell to get there but it was worth it.
I Saw You Once In a Dream, Maybe|| Pt. 8
You immediately chase down Monkey King and your mother. Hoping that he doesn’t spout out any more nonsense to your mother.
“Oh- stop telling her lies! Mom please don’t listen to him!”
Monkey King just smirks at you as lean onto the kitchen counter. While your mother looks at you confused.
“What do you mean? Don’t pretend, I saw you kissing him outside the house~” She said with a smile.
You felt your face turn red, quickly cover it with your hand. This was getting too much.
“That was- ugh, mom please, he was just messing around, we are NOT getting married.” You state trying to keep your cool.
“Oh~ weren’t you the one dreaming about our wedding day?” He said, giving you the most shit-eating grin. Your mother’s eyes went wide and looked at you with such excitement, you couldn’t help but feel nervous.
“You? I never thought I would see the day my sweet child would- when’s the wedding day?”
“You two are unbelievable.” You pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh with frustration. “Mom, you said you wanted me to pick up something, what was it?”
She let out a laugh.
“That can wait, I want to know about my child’s special someone. This is the first time you brought them home. He must be very special to you.”
Monkey King raises an eyebrow.
“Really? Well, it makes sense we are getting married soon.”
You feel your face get redder as this goes on. You're an adult, not some middle schooler dealing with some crush. You sigh shakily and calm your blushing face.
“You know what? Fine! Sure, I'm too tired for this. Mom, please what was the thing you wanted to give me?”
“Sweetheart, you know I was just teasing you a bit. Let me go get it- I was cleaning the attic and found some of your old things.” She went to the living room and brought out a small box. “I thought you wanted these back.”
You open the box to see what was inside. Just some old things, old journals, books, pictures, and hard drives.
“Oh I remember these! I've been looking for these books too! So it was in the attic, I must have put them there and forgot about it. Thanks, mom.”
Monkey King looks over your shoulder to see. You just push his head back and laugh.
“What I just wanted to see?” He said laughing along.
“This is my old stuff, I’m not going to let you see. Anyways you were really pushing it with that joke.”
He just laughs before giving you space again.
“Sorry, I just couldn’t help it.”
“You two are so sweet, oh also, I made pie earlier today. Here let me hand you a plate to take.”
She grabs a container and cuts a large slice. Before handing it to you.
“Thank you, mom. Take care alright?”
She nods and leads the two of you back to the front door.
“That goes for you too! Also-” She turns to Monkey King with a smirk. “Take care of my child, they matter to me a lot.”
“MOM!”
“Don't worry, I will.” He said laughing.
Your face turned red as you both left. Monkey King walks beside you with a smug expression on his face, while you look forward with a stern face.
“I should have left you at Pigsy’s.”
“Yet you didn't! I'm enjoying our little date.”
“Date?! This is not a date! We barely met just a few hours ago!”
“-And now, apparently getting married.” His grin widens as he glances at you. A hit of mischief in his eyes.
“We are NOT getting married.” You mutter out.
“I mean, you were the one who has been dreaming of our wedding day.”
“Now I'm thinking, those dreams were a warning. Maybe I should listen and-” You pause as you glance at him, finally smirking. “-Stay away from you.”
You pick up your pace and laugh. His smug face falls as he looks worried and nervous.
“Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I was just joking around.” He immediately picks up his pace and apologizes.
“I'll stop! Please, I just thought it was cute and wanted to joke around.” He quickly explains.
“It's just, I wanted to talk and hang out with you but whenever I do, I get so nervous and chicken out.”
His face was getting red and looked away from you.
“Actually, now that you mention it. When did you meet me?”
“W-well, it's just…okay so I usually shapeshift into a bird whenever I want to see the city and during those times… I ran into you…” He clears his throat and turns his head to the side, embarrassed. “You were taking pictures and snapped a shot at me.”
“Wait, the little brown bird that always follows me around! That was you?!”
His face turned red and couldn’t look you in the eyes.
“Y-yes, that was me. I wanted to talk to you, but I was afraid you'd freak out so I thought, I'll get the kid to help me out and- well here we are.” He finally turns his head to you. His cheeks slightly red, as he smiles at you.
“Look, I really didn’t mean to joke around that far and made you uncomfortable. I just got too excited and got carried away.”
You stayed silent for a while, as you two walked down the street.
“Today was…something but it wasn’t bad. As much as you made me frustrated earlier, today was fun. So don’t worry too much about it, anyways it’s been a while since I saw my mom that excited.”
Monkey King's gaze softens at you. He lets out a small laugh, his posture relaxing.
“Still, I shouldn’t have told your mom that. After we first met…even though technically this is our first time talking to one another.”
You bump into his arm, to nudge him, and roll your eyes.
“It had been a long while since I hung out with anybody this long. Usually I keep to myself, but this was nice. Thank you for tagging along.”
“You don't have to thank me, I just wanted to actually talk with you for once. I should be thanking you for giving me a chance!”
You smile at him softly. Feeling touched by his words. For once, you didn't feel lonely. As the two of you went on chatting, you realized that the feeling hadn't plagued you since meeting him and it felt nice. Instead, all you felt was a soft warmth in your heart that seemed to grow the longer he stayed by your side.
It wasn't long until you both made it to your house. You turned on the lights, as you lead him to the living room.
“Make yourself at home. Let me put these down somewhere and we can head out to get some groceries.”
Monkey King sits on the couch and sighs. As you went to the kitchen and placed the small container on the counter and put the small box away in your room.
“You got a nice place here.”
“Why, thank you. If you like it so much, you can stay here and rest while I get groceries.” You said while walking up to the couch.
“Hmm, tough choice. I mean, it would be nice to tag along but your couch feels nice, I can definitely take a small nap here.” He said laying on the couch. “You know what? I'll tag along if you ask me~”
You felt your face flush from the request. Will you actually ask him to accompany you or will you leave him here on the couch? Is there even a bad choice to make in this situation? Who knows~
#lmk reader#lmk sun wukong#lmk monkey king#lmk x reader#lmk x y/n#sun wukong#monkey king#lmk sun wukong x reader#sun wukong x reader#sun wukong x y/n#monkey king x reader#lmk monkey king x reader
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Weak Spot - Chapter 3
Warnings: Aged-up Turtles, Romance, Meet Cute, Villain Donatello, Cussing, Crushes, Xenophobia
Synopsis: When falling in love is the easy part where does the difficulty lie? In a society where we’re defined by our job, it’s those little details as a relationship goes on that ends up setting a course for whether or not a couple can make it in the long run.
Also available on Ao3
First 💜 Previous
You were not going to let him get away with dropping what could almost be a relative confession like that. At least, not until after work when you had the time to harass him about it.
You: So…
Rolling over from where you had collapsed on your couch you watched as predictably the message was read and no response came. You’d resigned yourself to a fight earlier in the day after deciding to press the issue, but a part of you could always dream.
You: Are we going to talk about how you ran away?
You chewed your bottom lip as the little read check mark appeared. You tried to picture what he was up to. Glancing to the nearby windows, you spied the last vestiges of twilight waning orange. When your attention returned to your device you saw the response bubbles percolating.
He must have written and deleted several versions because the one he landed on seemed far too short for the amount of time it took.
Donatello: Laughable.
You giggled to yourself. Not that you’d been able to indulge in it, but texting removed the usual bearings in an interesting way. Where in real life you had to hope you caught his micro expressions, his texts would be stuck on display for longer analysis.
You: I’m glad we agree!
You: Though I’m laughing at how cute it was that you got embarrassed
Again the check came and this time the bubbles appeared instantly. The pot was essentially stewing.
Moving to sit up, you wondered how he’d handle the stripped down context. He was obviously drafting something, but he must have realized the same as you that this type of conversation was far easier to abandon. Frowning and worrying that you might have pushed a little too hard, your stomach clenched as a reply came.
Donatello: I see what you’re doing.
You: Oh? I don’t consider this breaking the ‘no frivolous’ texts rule because it’s important to me
He saw it and you curled up into yourself. You’d spent most of the public transit ride home thinking of all the little contingencies he might use to get out of a conversation. Obliviously you had no real remedy if he chose not to respond, but you’d tried to prepare for anything else he could lob your way.
Donatello: For the time being you may exploit the loop hole, but only due to my lack of oversight.
“Just admit you like me.”
You gave a breathy sigh and pulled your device to your chest. A shred of you still wondered, but for the most part you were sure he was interested in some way. His staunch nature prevented absolutes and there was always a chance you were conning yourself, but even the fact that he was indulging these messages seemed to point in your preferred direction. Where that road ultimately lead you hadn’t given much thought, but the fizzy soda excitement was a high you were happy to chase.
You: Should I expect a contract at tomorrow’s lunch?
Donatello: Be prepared to sign in triplicate.
You blew you a puff of air into a smile. With him a line like that could both be a joke and deadly serious. You imagined him pulling out a briefcase and removing large daunting stacks of paper. He’d make for the world’s most annoying lawyer.
You: I’ll bring my embossed pen
You: Back to the original topic though…
Donatello: I’d rather discuss the pen.
You: I’ll share all the juicy details after
You: Spoiler alert: the engraving isn’t what you’d think!
Donatello: In other words, not your name.
You: Elevator explanation first
With your phone balancing on your knee you watched as he again hitched the conversation between intermediary dotted lines. You wondered if this kind of loading screen would be a good real world comparison for the time it took to him formulate verbal conversation. Staring fondly at the screen you dismissed it only because surely that mind of his cycled through so many more possibilities than you could fathom which meant a loading screen as a pathetic comparison.
Donatello: What exactly are you hoping for?
Wasn’t that the million dollar question.
You had a strong sense of the matter at hand and had even voiced your desires aloud just a few moments ago, but there was an undeniable unknown quality to the whole thing.
It had only been two days.
The time frame deflated your otherwise impenetrable smile.
That’s what was holding you up. Unfurling, your phone lowered with your legs and you watched it lull to sleep. The crush exhilaration had shrouded your mind in tittering hormones that made for a high chasing addiction. As much as you wanted to know everything about him, in reality there was no rush. Something so simple seemed like a sobering revelation.
Glancing over your shoulder at the kitchen, you wondered how he’d handle it if you passed on a slapdash response in favor of eating. Meals were quite high on the list of mind clearing activities and would give you a chance to compose something that wasn’t based on pure instinct.
Setting your phone on the arm rest, you stood and moved to the fridge. Taking your time would also shift the tone of the conversation. Grabbing the handle to the ice box, you opened it so its cold air washed over you in time with your second epiphany of the evening.
You didn’t want this to end after two more sandwiches.
Exchanging the freezer door for the fridge proper, you pulled out some leftovers. As odd as he seemed, you craved more. Trying to part the giddy fog in your mind, you set up a mental pros and cons list as you warmed your food. On one hand there had been a few undeniable red flag actions, he was exhaustively closed off, you knew next to nothing what he did outside of getting lunch, and he held vice grips on conversations in a dauntingly manipulative manner.
With a poke you checked if your food was warm enough. The lukewarm response said no, so you popped the dish back into the microwave and the newly sauced digit into your mouth.
Other the other hand he was handsome, mysterious, he’d exhibited multiple times that he was capable of concern or remorse, his vigilante watch translated as attentive, and he’d even been protective over a perceived threat.
Your microwave reminded you it was done and you retrieved the food. The plate stung your finger tips and you set it on the counter to watch the steam roll off.
If you thought about either list for too long, you noticed how each tick skewed the line. For his protection, he’d also taken a worrying satisfaction in scaring another human being. Where he refused to talk about himself cropped up the alluring unknowns. His staunch control issues were what lead to him needing to make amends in the first place.
You leaned over to pop a drawer open to grab cutlery. Once outfitted, you pinched the cooler edges of your plate and transported your dinner to the same spot on the couch. Collapsing into its relenting cushions, your phone lit up and read no new notifications. You flipped it over with one hand and then sought the remote. Whatever app the TV was last on buzzed to life and you let it run with listless curiosity as you took your first bite.
All of this back and forth was nothing unheard of though. Though the serial killer conversation had been partially a joke, there was an undeniable game that had to be played whenever you tried to puzzle a new person into your life. No two people were perfectly made for the jigsaw, but time snapped the piece together regardless as long as they were a close enough match.
A few more bites and your stomach was already feeling warm.
Maybe the puzzle metaphor wasn’t the best.
A personality buzzed about something on the television and you found it caught your attention. Between the video and hearty chews, you felt your resolve stabilize. By the time your plate was clean you’d even found that a tapestry was a much better analogy and even had ancient roots in the fates. Setting your plate aside of a coffee table, you snatched up your phone.
You: I guess you could say your little stunt made me wonder if we should reexamine our current contract
Donatello: Which terms do you not find agreeable?
You tilted your head as you read the question several times over.
You: The length
Though it was by your hand, you found it frustrating that you’d accidentally put yourself into another veiled conversation.
Donatello: Elaborate.
A little surprised hum escaped your throat.
It was almost as if he’d thought the exact same thing.
You certainly weren’t going to waste a chance to make the conversation definite.
You: I’ll just say it then
You: If I’m wrong though, don’t rub it in. I’ll be torturing myself enough
You watched his response stew and quickly typed out a few nonsense letters so your own to signal him that you weren’t done. It took a moment, but his disappeared and you cleared the text to start anew.
You: I think you’re interested in me too, but there’s been mixed signals
Your heart was beating so fast your blood pressure waned in your ears.
You: It was that look you gave me
You watched the quiver in your thumbs as you typed.
You: Would you want to keep seeing each other after you move on to the next sandwich quadrant?
You gave a shaky smile at the ridiculous terms this whole thing was perched upon.
You watched as a read receipt appeared and you tapped the cursor off the text bar to signal the end of your clarification. Your chest felt heavy and you brought one hand up to press your sternum in a pathetic attempt to release the pressure.
Not even his typing notification appeared.
Nerves already frayed, your mind went into overdrive.
Reading back over your texts you winced at the one about not rubbing it in.
Had that not been clear enough?
Mind split right down the middle, your thumbs flew back to your keyboard. For each satisfactory letter that was typed out an equal part of your brain screamed at you for doing so.
It was so much easier to blurt these things out in real time.
You: The nature of which doesn’t have to be specified. Just,
You cursed aloud as when you moved to edit the comma placement, you’d sent the unfinished text.
Staring at it harshly, the fight or flight warped leaving you unsure of what you’d wanted to clarify at all. Coming down, it took over a minute for you to realize the check mark hadn’t appeared. You lowered your screen instinctually. He wasn’t actively in the chat anymore. Putting your device to sleep, you leaned over and set it next to your plate. It wasn’t that strange as you’d left him in a similar manner when you’d made your dinner. Still, you could feel your blood moving through your veins so you desperately palmed the remote for a suitable distraction. You forced yourself to sit through a 27 minute video before you allowed yourself to pick up your device.
You nearly dove for it as the personality on TV recommended something else.
Suddenly in a surprise juggle with your device, the blurry notification disappeared as you mistakenly clicked it. You watched the screen temporarily black out before coming fully to life in the text window.
Donatello: I should have expected two days wouldn’t be enough time to improve one’s taste.
Half on and half off the couch from the phone debacle, you squinted at the message.
It somehow feel perfectly in line with what you expected while being nothing at all what you anticipated.
It was also fascinating how he seemed to take something that should be self-depreciating and make it seem like an insult to the other party.
That party being you, of course.
You: I’ll have you know I gave it a lot of thought. I made a pros and cons list and everything
Donatello: Your data collection capability is abysmal. Have you even considered your sample size or standard deviation?
You: Nope. Want to teach me?
That was truly terrible.
You laughed to yourself.
The way his response bubble appeared and popped multiples times either meant that line had miraculously worked or he was also seized with the comedy of it all.
There were surely more options than that, but you preferred to consider only those two.
Donatello: Ever presumptuous, tenuous, and ludicrous.
You stared as an even bigger smile spread on your face.
You typed out your next text.
With a thumb hovering over the send button you considered how badly this next statement could go.
You had a feeling it wasn’t in your favor, but there was just something about the three adjectives that he had sent.
You gave a single chuckle and slammed your screen with an audible tap.
You: Funny, I believe it was you who gave me your number of your own accord
He left you on read.
-
You didn’t necessarily regret your choice.
However, you didn’t really love it either.
As lunch loomed eerily close, you checked your bag from under your desk for what must have been the hundredth time. Every time your heart surged not with tempered hope, but fear that your boss would catch wind. The last thing you needed was that guy adding anymore undue stress. That aside, there was still the unmistakable possibility that you had messed up your chance. It definitely stung, but it also wouldn’t be the end of days.
You had only known him two days.
Giving a little sigh, you tucked your bag back into its slot. Deciding you might as well get some semblance of work done, you brought up several useful screens and moved to tack the time away on your keyboard. You’d gotten into a groove when you heard two employees pass with lunch curiosities on their lips. Checking the time said you could slip away with minimal complaint and, even though your plans were still up in the air when you’d left this morning, you’d still kept your docket open just in case. With a final glance to make sure all work was in order, you swiveled in your chair. Catching your bag in the motion, you got to your feet and headed for the elevator.
Pulling your phone out was almost an afterthought as you debated what to get.
At least, that’s what you told yourself when you saw the notification preview faultily clip an image.
You scarcely heard the elevator arrive and stepped back so no one would hold it for you. Against the opposite wall, you opened the message and stared at it curiously.
Donatello had simply sent a screenshot receipt of a sandwich purchase. Clicking it larger, it read the ever present specifications he’d deemed standard. It also had a sum of two sandwiches so he was presumably going to be in attendance. The payment information had been specifically cropped out, but the header for the shop read its address. Tempering your excitement, you flipped back and forth to type it out in your map app. It was predictably nearby so you stepped forward to push the elevator button.
The trek down and lunchtime rushed streets swept you to the location with little time to overthink. You spied his hulking black coated form through the window and slipped through the door with a pleasant chime announcing your entry. You glanced up at the little bell before heading over to Donatello.
His shoulders held staunch as he passed you only a glance before continuing to stare at the pick-up counter. For a moment you let him continue his oddly petty act before rolling on the balls of your feet and prodding your inner cheek with your tongue.
He hadn’t outright rejected you, but something was definitely off.
The overwhelming desire to poke the bear superseded concern.
If you were already in hot water, might as well take a bath.
“You really streamlined the process of asking someone out.”
Already staring at him, you caught the flicker of recognition in his eye before his pupil nearly rolled. When his gaze landed on you, he seemed to note that you had seen the move and flattened out his expression.
“My other line was something about how it’s presumptuous to just buy someone lunch without asking.”
“You’re overanalyzing.”
You rose up on the tips of your toes to get his full attention. He parted it as you entered his personal space and you did your best impression of his patented look.
His jaw flexed as if he grit his teeth though no pearly whites shined through.
“We’ll discuss it while we eat.”
You gave a curious hum that was cut off when an employee set a sack on the counter. Donatello was in motion before the employee could depart and strung a finger through the bag’s handle. He then followed through by turning to the dining room and going straight to a table. You watched his departing form for a moment and couldn’t help but imagine how he must have thought all this through while he was waiting.
How much earlier than his pick-up time had he arrived?
You followed him languidly and made a show of taking a seat. He slid your sandwich across the table and tucked your bag away beside your chair. When you surfaced you found him sitting still with his untouched sandwich wrapped in front of him.
“Should I be worried?”
The question processed in his gaze and seemed to awaken his limbs.
“That depends.”
Though he made it a statement, the end felt clipped away.
You wondered what else he meant to say as he robotically went through the motions of undoing the wrapping and folding it back. You left him to his routine and instead separated the halves of your sandwich to eat one with the parchment peeled back. You had just gotten down your first bite when you caught him picking up his meal without his usual measured grab.
“I don’t think you understand the gravity of what you’re requesting.”
Pausing, you turned the sentence over before taking another bite. “I’m not asking you to marry me.”
His head lolled slightly with dissatisfaction. Though his face didn’t betray it, you could feel the a dissatisfied aura coming off of him. “The weight doesn’t lie in the fraternization.”
You squinted at him.
He brought his sandwich up and narrowed his gaze at it.
“Is this… related to that taste thing?”
“Yes.” He punctured the single syllable with a sharp bite of his sandwich.
You watched openly as one of his lids twitched. He gave an odd side to side chew of the morsel before lowering the sandwich back to the paper. He seemed to struggle to get it down and his dark mood further clouded.
“Something wrong?”
“It’s me I don’t think you understand.” He grabbed a napkin to wipe his mouth and pushed his meal a few centimeters away from his person.
“That’s sort of the point.”
“Y/N.”
You broke away from staring at him to look at his sandwich.
“Even if we could set aside what is rapidly becoming willful ignorance, you don’t seem to have considered the fact that I’m a mutant and you’re human.”
“So?” Your own meal came down with your brow.
“Which is exactly why I still have reservations about your motives.”
“I’ve never been with a mutant before. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve even talked to one before you.” Flicking eyes between your lunch and his, you made quick work of unwrapping your bitten half.
You could feel his gaze intensify, so your brought yours up in an open show of your honesty. His pupils darted around taking in an unknown amount of information before he looked away towards a window.
With his attention parted, you reached across the table and snagged the corner of his parchment. As soon as you started sliding it towards you, he caught the motion and returned his gaze. He didn’t stop you, so you brought both meals next to each other and started to reach for his. Seeing your hand’s descent triggered something in your mind and you halted. As you twisted to grab your bag, you saw Donatello go for something in his pocket. When you both returned to the table you stared at each other and your travel sized bottles of hand sanitizer.
You immediately laughed in spite of the tense air.
He gave the barest huff and returned his own bottle to his person.
“Great minds.” You mumbled, trying to taper off your giggles as your disinfected your hands.
If he responded, you couldn’t hear it as you finally reached for his sandwich. Peeling back the bread on the half he’d bitten, you grimaced at what lie underneath. His lettuce was a pathetically wilted smear against his oily tomato. Peeking out from underneath that was an alarmingly pale piece of bacon. You picked at the tongue that slumped off the side of the sandwich and found it to be just as floppy as it looked.
“We ordered the same thing.” You remarked before quickly moving to uncap your sandwich. Yours, in comparison, looked like a meal that was ready for its menu shoot. “Are both sides like that?”
He again didn’t seem to respond, so you moved to remove the bread from the rest of his meal. The other half continued the same trend. You sat back in your seat and considered the dichotomy. Confused, you finally swept your gaze to your companion.
Across from you, Donatello’s irritation continued to waft off of him, but he was directing it into his person. It was all such a strange show that it left you unnerved. It reminded you of the day prior when the mystery of the supposedly unknown sandwich shop loomed overhead.
You blinked.
Straightening up, you spun around in your chair. The speed of the move meant you just caught the way the whispering employees departed from each other behind the counter. Your eyes widened to a degree that nearly stung. You spun back around to find Donatello staring at you with a dark knowing expression.
That’s why he had brought up human/mutant relations.
“They gave you a gross sandwich on purpose.”
He gave a curt nod.
“But…” You leaned into the table, but in doing so it brought your face closer to said offense. You sloppily reconstructed it before messily squishing the parchment down to hide it away. “How would they know you’d take the intended one?”
The way Donatello stared evenly back made several things clear.
He had in fact arrived to the shop early.
He’d seen and let them make him a subpar meal.
He then accepted it in a way that ensured he’d get the gross one and not you.
The deep frown on your lips stung your cheeks. “If… If they saw you order it, why weren’t both sandwiches gross?”
“The wait.” It seemed like a struggle for him to get the two words out evenly.
Your lips parted.
There had been a wait from when you’d arrived to when the sandwiches had been ready.
Those whispering bastards had seriously rushed to remake a sandwich as soon as they found out a human was on the order.
As the pieces of the events fell into place, confusion melted away under budding fury. “Why didn’t you say something? That doesn’t seem like-!”
You bit down to keep the presumption from coming out.
He leaned forward in a similar manner as you had done.
It brought your voice down and you spoke before he could. “Yesterday at the building, they weren’t glaring because we were there. They were mad because we were together?”
His chin tipped up the barest amount, but you couldn’t take in his appreciation for your correct guess based on its content.
“That or… that’s just how they look at you.”
“Both.” The single syllable dripped with disdain.
Considering he could barely keep a lid on his resentment, it made very little sense why he allowed this to happen. You forced yourself to swallow your own anger in mustering up a pleading eye. “I don’t understand…?”
His expression was pulled so taunt it seemed like a piano wire about to snap. “I needed to talk to you first and foremost, but trust me when I say the retribution will be swift.”
There was a manic flash to his eyes that you only barely caught before a tidal wave of emotion flooded you. Any remnant thoughts on it washed away as your heart buoyed to the surface. You could feel your eyes rapidly watering. With both of you craned over the table into one another, you knew he had a front row seat. Screwing your eyes shut, you hoped he wouldn’t see it as pity or sadness. You certainly weren’t going to celebrate and you were already forming your own just recourse, but the man in front of you had endured blatant xenophobia in silence just so not as to upset these plans.
You didn’t care.
Whatever terrible things he thought of himself.
Whatever things he might have done in the past.
Hell, for all you knew he was still doing it.
It simply didn’t matter.
You wanted him.
More than ever.
Your eyes popped open in time with a smile on your lips.
He seemed to wince against the brightness of it.
“First things first.” You sat back and grabbed your uneaten sandwich half.
“That’s yours.”
“And?” You pushed it towards him. “You’re not eating that.” You waved off his appalling excuse of a meal.
“You’ll be stuck at work and I can get something else.” He reached out with a single digit and used it to slide the sandwich half back.
“It’s not up for discussion.” You reached out to do something similar, but he hadn’t lifted his hand. You glowered at the offending digit and moved to send that same dissatisfied look to his face.
A resolute blank stare sat there.
“Split then.”
“It’s not even.”
You groaned loudly.
He remained unmoved.
With your uneaten half ensnared, you moved to your bitten half. Searching around, you found a loose plastic knife on the table and made a cut that bisected the sandwich in a way that severed off the contaminated half for yourself. He kept a close eye as you then made a show of folding your parchment into as close of a version as how he did and set the clean segment upon it. It had some sort of effect on him because he finally relinquished his hold. Moving fast in case he changed his mind, you cut the uneaten half and the doled out the sandwich into two meals.
“Obviously this place is not a contender, but it would be annoying if you couldn’t pass proper judgment on it.”
You felt his gaze linger as you took an annoyed bite of your bread. You chewed a little harder than necessary and when his stare continued to linger, you brought a staunch eye to him.
You expected any of a dozen things to be there.
What you didn’t expect was a softness to his features that could almost be read with affection.
You nearly choked as you swallowed prematurely.
“May I see that?” He nodded to the sandwich in your hand.
It seemed like an odd request, but you were still dumbfounded by the kindness in his eyes. You nodded numbly and held it out to him.
With his hands tucked beneath the table he leaned forward. You wondered if there was something gross in your meal that you had neglected when his mouth suddenly opened. Before you could do anything else, his hands surfaced to steady yours and he took a big bite straight of where you had taken your last one. He retreated while chewing and moved his attention downward, finally doing his pick-up calculations.
Several incoherent sounds puttered off your lips as you brought back the little left of your sandwich.
He had just made such a fuss about it being even too.
You waited numbly until he swallowed his mouthful, having a sense that he’d speak on it.
“For clarification. I’m not a germophobe, just cleanly.”
You gaze snapped from your meal to him.
“The hand sanitizer?!”
He didn’t respond, but you were sure you saw the quirk of a smile as he got the right angle down and lifted his own meal to take a bite.
“Don’t think you’ve escaped the discussion.”
“Your far more dangerous in how unpredictable you are. I don’t know if my heart will be able to take it.”
This time you actually got substantial peek of the upturned corner of his lips between bites. “If that’s what you label as dangerous, you might as well leave now.”
“No way, after what I’ve seen? I’m more invested than ever!.”
He shook his head and polished the food he had. “Mediocre.” He gestured to the parchment.
“Agreed.” You nodded into another bite. “But regardless of what I say, it’s still a two-way street. If you don’t want to see me after the next shop, I’ll understand.”
“You opened changing the terms of the agreement, who’s to say I didn’t terminate it early?”
You paused and gave him a suspicious look.
The even gaze he returned seemed to still be genial.
“I can’t tell if you think you’re messing with me on purpose, it’s teasing, or you really mean it.”
“Consider that something you’ll have to contend with.”
“List some more; for my sample size, I mean.”
He tipped his chin up and you finally had a chance to bask in that satisfaction.
“You’ve seen my disposition: Don’t expect flowers and chocolates. I wasn’t built for the machinations of formulaic romance. I’m evil and you will be kept in the dark about many things that widely range from what I simply don’t wish to expound on to legal ramifications.”
You stared back at him for a long moment, but he didn’t buckle under the pressure.
That amicable air had all but evaporated so you took to checking your surroundings for a hidden camera.
Finding you were not in fact on a twisted TV show, you returned your gaze to him to find him leaned back in apparent wait.
“I doubt you’ll believe me if you’re still hung up on the mutant thing, but I swear I’ve already taken pretty much all that into account.”
His gaze narrowed the slightest bit and you let him evaluate you in the same way.
You both came away in a similar stalemate: all evidence said the other was being honest, but it was hard to believe.
“Do you need a list like that for me?”
“No, I’ve gathered sufficient data.”
Now that you needed no consideration over.
It just made sense.
“So…?”
“I’m adding ‘stubborn’ to your negatives.”
“If I wasn’t, I doubt you’d even have given me a second glance.”
You weren’t sure what it was about that, but it seemed to irritate him more than another other jab you’d sent his way.
You hadn’t even meant it to be one.
“We have another shop to explore and then we’ll take it from there.”
“That’s the best I’m going to get out of you, huh?”
He gave you his trademarked look.
You gave a lazy smile and finished up your sandwich. He hadn’t made his usual move to clean up the table and you suspected it was the first of many disrespects he’d be giving the place.
You smiled inwardly.
He had no idea.
“I’m gonna guess I just took another long lunch?” The fact that fewer suits passed outside signified the hour had passed.
Donatello gave a nod.
“This is either the one weird thing my boss turns the other cheek to or he’s building up to something.”
“Best of luck with that.”
“Not a trace of sympathy!”
“It’s your occupation.” His head tipped slightly to one side.
“Thanks for not saying ‘just quit.’”
“Nothing in life is so simple. Are you at least applying for other jobs?”
You laughed. “I absolutely am.”
“Fine then. I detest those that complain without even attempting to change their station.”
“Oh! Your first deal breaker! I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You can use it as an easy out.” His blinks seemed a bit slower as if he were relaxed.
A flicker of warmth sparked in your chest. “If that’s the case you should have told me for our earlier dates.”
He grimaced.
If you were standing you might have fallen over.
It was the first clear and open emotion he had given.
More so than even eating a rotten sandwich.
“Wha…?” You flubbed the question dumbly and rose a confused finger up to him.
“These are not dates.”
Your jaw slacked and you squinted with bewilderment.
“If I were to take you on a proper date, you would know it.”
“You’re… offended?” Recognition bloomed and seeped into the confused cracks.
He only gave you that obvious look. All other traces of emotion disappearing from his person.
“But in your warnings there was that bit about romance…?”
“I’m going to gift you a book on statistics. I expect you to read it in length.”
“Come on! That’s not even a sample size guess! It directly contradicts what you said!”
He clicked his tongue and made it seem like it was heavy labor to open his mouth. “I gave a general statement. You’re folding your assumption into that when you don’t know what I consider applicable.”
“Which is…?”
“Too lengthy if you don’t want to turn a supposition about your boss’s attitude into an certainty.”
“Fine…” You trailed off and made a move to stand. He followed suit, leaving the trash behind, and you bent over to retrieve your bag. “I’m a visual learner, by the way.” Feeling emboldened by how the whole meeting had gone, you tossed a wink along with the comment.
He passed you an unamused look and you grabbed the repulsive sandwich from earlier.
You leaned into him sweetly. “Thanks for considering it, by the way. I want to quell one of your concerns. This is how I’ll deal with the whole cross-species thing.” You whispered before rounding away from him in a extended sweep .
Several people seated nearby seemed to take notice.
“Hey!” You shouted directly at the front counter. “So rotten food is just a standard thing here!?”
Caught up in your display and already storming the employee’s fortress, you couldn’t be sure, but you imagined Donatello watching after you with that fond expression in his eyes.
NEXT
#rottmnt#rottmnt donnie x reader#rise of the tmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt x reader#donatello hamato#donnie x reader#rise donnie#rise donnie x reader#rottmnt donatello#rottmnt donnie#me#fanfiction#my fanfiction#weakspotfic
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umm. ftm ingo + emmet hcs maybe w a lil bit on nsfw..............<- projecting
IM ASCENDING!!! THANK YOU FOR THIS!! I’m in love, I hope this my all. I apologize for being all over the place with this, I just got so excited.
🔞18 at the end!🔞
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In general!
- they both socially transitioned in their teen years.
- Looking up ways to look more like guys.
- Their parents were extremely supportive and did all they could to help! Using their correct pronouns and names, buying them clothes that made them feel comfortable and confident.
- The only issue they faced was hiding their chests.
- They did everything from multiple sports bras, compression shirts, even things you aren’t suppose to do!
- Their mother got their measurements and ordered them binders.
- The twins were so happy to open that package!
- The two tried on their eighteenth birthdays. They parents surprised them by taking them to get everything on paper, their licenses, and other important documents now say ‘Ingo’ and ‘Emmet’.
- They sobbed happily in a large family group hug.
- Both started going on T as soon as they could.
- Emmet was vibrating in place in excitement! He had been waiting so long for this!
- Ingo kept fidgeting, he had to get the energy out somehow.
- After they moved to Nimbasa city and started working at Gear station, the two started saving up for their surgeries.
- They planned it all out too! One would get top surgery, and then the other would take care of him, and vice versa.
- The twins are so happy to finally feel like themselves.
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Onto romance!
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🔲Ingo🔲
- Not much changed romantically. Your Ingo is still as polite and as loud as ever.
- He’s such a gentleman!
- Surprising you with flowers, your favorite treats, a stuffed toy from Gear station he thought you’d like, anything!
- You likely already know he’s trans from forming a friendship first.
- He doesn’t keep secrets, but he made sure it was safe first.
- Of course you’re a safe person to tell, and you understood.
- He held you crying, he was so worried and had been stressing himself about telling you.
- Your friendship continued and it turned into a sweet relationship.
- Always making time for you, taking care of you (even if you argue that he has to eat too-) and of course! You making him get all bashful with your affection.
- He truly does love your attention and touches, but he gets so flushed thinking about it.
- Though Ingo is the most vocal of the two brothers, during his time of the month he’s usually quiet about his pain.
- His cramps are bad, but you often just see him curled around Chandelure, asking if you can get him some more midol, or anything.
- He just wants some back rubs and to be told he’s a brave man.
- He hurts, please just cuddle him.
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🔳Emmet🔳
- Much like his brother, it’s not that big of a secret. Sure he doesn’t announce it, he’s just living.
- And how can you not love this affectionate man?
- He’s always smothering you with kisses, taking you out on dates, winning all the stuffed animals you want at the amusement park, anything.
- He gets so excited seeing you too, especially if you visit him at work. His face lights up, he’s glowing with joy before running to you and twirling you in a hug.
- You are his light, his saving grace when his period strikes.
- Yes he knows white was a bad idea, hush! He looks great in it!
- But he is in agony, you hear him before you see him, just groaning heavily.
- He can’t move, please get him some pain relievers, thank yoooou.
- He’s also doing the grabby hands at you, he wants comfort.
- If you have any fire type Pokémon no you don’t, that’s his Pokémon now, sorry.
- He doesn’t call out of work, but man he’s straight up not having a good time.
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🔞18+Only! NSFW BELOW!🔞
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🔲Ingo🔲
- Ever the service the top.
- His face is made for you, his tongue is made to please you.
- You two have a select few strap ons, he isn’t wild with what he gets by any means, but he does have quite a few other worldly ones.
- While he loves pleasuring you, as your pleasure is his pleasure, and if that means he’s on his back, folded in a mating press, squealing his heart out? Then yes, he will absolutely do it.
- It’s so cute how reactive he is to your touch.
- And don’t be fooled by his more prudish nature, for you? He’s anything you want him to be.
- Ingo is a softer man, he likes the intimacy and closeness of love making. You speaking so sweetly to him, thrusting into his dripping pussy with such care, telling him he’s such a good boy, a sweet boy, just for you.
- He can cum just from your praise alone.
- But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like it rough.
“Fuck! Please! I-I’ve been so good! Ah!”
He doesn’t even remember how he got himself tied to the bed, cunt on display for you. All he knows is he wants to do it again.
You lay between his spread legs. Pulling your mouth off his drooling cunt, you gaze up at him.
His chest heaving, eyes watering, and face red.
You ponder for a moment before shuffling your weight to one side, you bring your hand up towards him.
Smack!
Ingo arches his back, crying out at the harsh smack you land on his cunt.
Smack! Smack! Smack!
His slick splatters against your hand.
His upper half is twisting with each hit. His squeals raise in pitch, he’s so close to cumming!
“My aren’t you demanding? Such a naughty boy you are.”
“M’sorry! M’sorry, please, I-FUCK! Mmmso close!”
You grind your thumb against his clit, smirking at how your boyfriends juices coat your hand.
His hips keep twitching as his silver eyes begs for more.
He’s so cute like this.
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🔳Emmet🔳
- He has a very large, very impressive toy collection. His pride and joys are his various strap ons, and he pulls out all the stops! Want to be fucked by some alien dick? He’s got you! Want to be fucked by some demon dick? Absolutely he has that! Anything and everything in any color, he’s got you.
- Most of the time he tops, you will have to fight him for that right.
- He does have his moments where he’d like to be just a little pampered. Those are few and far between, again, unless you wrestle him for it.
- Emmet is in love with fucking your face, he just loves seeing you choke on his cock, no matter which one it is.
- He usually puts a bullet vibrator inside him before putting the strap’s harness on. This way you both get more pleasure!
- He wants to keep going until you’re both in tears and too sensitive to continue.
Emmet feels so lucky to have you.
Especially when you’re fucked stupid like this, and all for him too!
The vibrator inside him is set on his second pulsing speed, giving him just enough pleasure while he fucks his strap on into you.
“Aww darling! We’ve barley even started! And look at how messy you are.”
You barely process his words.
The fat blunt tip of his strap slams against your sweet spot without mercy.
Watching you moan out and squirm is always a beautiful sight, but he can make it better.
He takes one hand off your hip, grabbing the remote for his vibrator and setting it to max speed.
You practically scream, which overshadows a cry of his own.
His hips speed up, twitching at the rush of pleasure on his insides.
He slams his hand back on your hip with a bruising grip. He leans over you, his chest flushed against yours.
Emmet slams his lips over yours, moaning into the kiss. You only break it to toss your head back with a long squeal.
“Emmeeet! S-so gooood!”
The silver haired man whines, you look so fucked out and perfect! Your eyes rolling back with drool dripping down your chin.
It has him cumming once again over the vibrator.
He wants more.
#cw.periods#smut#spicy#🔞🔞🔞#submas smut#pokemon x reader smut#pokemon emmet x reader smut#pokemon Ingo x reader smut#pokemon trans ingo#pokemon trans emmet#pokemon#pokemon imagines#pokemon x reader#pokémon#pokemon ingo#pokemon fluff#pokemon ingo x reader#pokemon emmet#pokemon emmet x reader#proshippers dni
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Hiiii I just finished the first two chapters of Fuel the Pyre! I'm super excited for it, it's very well done!
I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about your writing process. How do you outline? What kinds of things need to be in an outline in order for you to visualize the story? Do you outline the entire story, one chapter, or just one scene at a time?
Thank you for your time!
Hello! Thanks so much for your kind words! I’m so happy you’re liking the fic so far.
This is a super fun ask. Not sure how coherent or helpful my response will be, but I’ll give it a try. 😆
So, stories like Purgatory, Fuel the Pyre or my WIP dark magic AU, always start out as a bunch of questions.
What if Ezran hadn’t interrupted Callum and Rayla in Viren’s study…
Could a human/elf halfling do primal magic? Can all of them or just a few? What would control that?
What would the world be like if dark magic actually was controlled and regulated.
I usually don’t start out planning a fic when I ponder questions like this, it’s usually just my mind wandering. For me, while I love big, wonderful, imaginative worlds (like the world of The Dragon Prince) what I’m really more interested in is how these things affect individuals. I actually tend to visualise the story before I outline. In fact, I often visualise far beyond where I think I’ll finish the story. (I say where I think I’ll finish because both my current long fics are now firmly in the “after the end of the planned fic” territory)
So, in Fuel the Pyre, for example, I imagine there’s a lot of unknowns for the people involved. Halflings would be pretty new on the scene, all things considered, so the characters themselves wouldn’t have the answer to these questions, which felt like a great excuse to add tension and drama.
Once an idea has got me and I can imagine how that conflict is going to affect the characters, the general outline tends to sort of write itself. I am a planner, so I by the time I start putting pen to paper (so to speak), I’ll usually have a beginning, a rough middle and an end. There will be plot points, tangents, twists and sometimes side stories that I haven’t figured out, but I’ll have a plan for the general flow of the story.
From there, I’ll come up with a pretty messy draft. So, I just sort of go wild in a document. Usually, when I’ve decided I want to write a longer fic, it’s because certain scenes just play on repeat in my head, so I’ll indulge myself and write those out. Then I’ll go back and make rough chapter/arc notes, which usually leads into some other fun scenes I get inspired to write, and slowly, piece by piece, I sort of string the fic together like that.
I used to outline more linearly, starting at the first chapter and working from there, but I found I’d get stuck on transition scenes (the bane of my writing life) and then avoid the fic. (If I put my fingers in my ears and sing very loudly, the transition scene can’t hurt me). I find letting myself write the scenes I’m excited for makes me much more productive. They usually give me ideas for other fun (I use the term loosely, I generally mean “angsty”) scenes and I essentially build my story like that. I do like adding foreshadowing and twists, which is made a lot easier by writing like this too.
In Purgatory, for example, I tried to drop a lot of subtle hints about Callum and his slowly building arcanum connection. It’s so fun when people pick up on that stuff, but I also don’t want it to look like I just pulled a twist or a revelation out of my rear. Nowadays, I do prefer to write the bulk of a story before posting, which this method obviously works better for.
Often, when I start a fic, the beginning and the ending are the most defined parts of the story and the middle is the area that requires the most work, but by stringing the various elements together, I sort of “discover” new conflicts and fun elements to explore, which (hopefully) makes for a richer, more entertaining story.
So, not sure if that was what you’re looking for, but if you could describe the stream of consciousness that is how I write, a process, this is mine. 😅
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Freak
Summary: Eddie Munson x ftm reader for the prompt of reader tries to buy weed off Eddie and Eddie can tell he is having a hard time and reader opens up about his abusive parent
”You just say the word and I walk away..” Eddie tries to smile, he knows Y/N shouldn’t be this nervous over a simple drug deal; no one would be surprised about him getting them. He won’t dig, he won’t pester him to find out what’s going on but he still reaches out for him; hand shaking and he doesn’t pull away, slowly leaning forward letting him spill everything that the drugs would have suppressed.
It’s not his problem that Y/N's parents use the wrong; the wrong pronouns; that he uses the weed to lessen the sting;but he still wants to help. It’s how he justifies the discount; but he knows he can’t justify inviting you back to his place; not when he’s shown you he clearly has the drugs in his lunchbox.
“So how does this work?” Eddie blinks at you; never in his life has he been happier to show someone how to roll.
You can see Eddie hesitating and you frown; worried that helping use the drugs is a step too far; instead he puts that soft smile back on that makes your heart flutter.
“Well it’ll be easier to show you at my place; I have everything there..”
“You’ve done this before right?” Eddie doesn’t sound annoyed; despite you asking him to explain everything again; you shake your head worried this’ll annoy him and he’ll kick you out. His place was comforting in a way you weren’t sure you could describe yet.
“Alright so the basic first step is…”
You’re not really sure if you’re going to remember any of it; after finishing rolling; you had to restart twice. You’d smoked with him; it just made sense he’d half explained; already offering you the lighter. That way if anything bad happened he knew what to do and there was no risk of your parents getting pissed.
“What?” He comments when you laugh at that.
“My parents wouldn’t care about this.”
“Really? Their son using drugs? Seems like something a lot of parents would care about.”
“Nah; my mom’s more interested in who I used to be; anything to do with me before I came to high school and that exposed me to ‘all sorts of horrors and freaks’ her words not mine.” You laugh a little and Eddie grins.
“Mhm; well she got the whole freak thing down pat; I mean I don’t think you can get any freakier than me; the dungeon master of the hellfire club. Ya know?”
“Mhm; I’m pretty sure she’s convinced I’m the spawn of hell since all of this started.” You gesture down to your body and Eddie tilts his head, biting his lip a little to avoid blurting something out.
“Since I started transitioning; and wearing this style of clothing…”
“That’s just basically what I wear..”
“Yeah; guys clothing.”
“You’re a guy..”
“My mom doesn’t think so.”
“Well fuck her then; or don’t I’m not in to MILF’s Steve’s uh friend Billy was; you remember him right? Died in that fire…”
“Oh yeah; wait you’re friends with Steve?”
“Friends with everyone; perks of giving them grass.”
“Didn’t realize you were Hawkin’s high’s gardener as well.”
“Mhm; someone has to know how to grow things when the world ends.” He laughs again and you can pretend that the excitement you’re feeling isn’t because Eddie seems to have accepted your transition without so much as a stumble.
“So Billy.” You prompt again and he laughs.
“Mhm dude was crazy into mom’s. Think it’s cause his own fucked him up or something; never talked about it much. Just came by to unwind.”
“Doesn’t everyone come by your place to unwind?” You try to keep the hurt out of your voice; Eddie isn’t even your friend; you shouldn’t feel possessive over him.
“Don’t usually invite people back here.”
“Unless it’s they’re first time..” You counter and he shrugs.
“Nah; just people I’m interested in.”
“Interested?” You arch and eyebrow and Eddie smiles nodding.
“Mhm; I’m always interested in new freaks; especially ones that get branded that by their own parents.”
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#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#stranger things#stranger things reader insert#stranger things imagine#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson reader insert#eddie munson x trans reader#eddie munson x male reader#written#stattic
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WIP Wednesday
Okay, so here’s my foray into @hellcheeranniversaryweek and their wonderful WIP Wednesdays. I’m not comfortable posting snippets of any of these yet, as they haven’t gone through my intensive (read: obsessive and ridiculous) editing process, but in the spirit of the challenge I’m sharing the premise, why I wanted to write it, and where I’m stuck on each. Mostly, I got super excited about the starts, then fizzled out on the execution.
If any of them sound like something you’d want to read, let me know! Engagement = motivation to my silly little brain. (And hey, I already made some graphics!)
WIP #1: Summertime Blues
Premise: It’s the summer between Eddie’s first and second senior year, and he’s working for a friend of Wayne’s so he can make extra cash to put toward the van he’s desperate to buy. The friend runs a landscaping company, so Eddie’s out mowing lawns. Cue: the Cunninghams. A pool, a pretty girl, a bratty little brother, and hormones in the summer heat.
Why? Because I liked the idea of exploring a “what if” that had them getting together when they were younger rather than older, giving me the chance to explore an Eddie who hasn’t entirely found himself, and a Chrissy who’s still figuring out what ‘good’ looks like when it comes to a boyfriend.
Where I’m stuck: I really like the premise, but I’m having trouble finding the there there. I think, ultimately, I want it to follow the structure of a romance novella, but I don’t want to overlap with what I’m already doing in Soul. So, I don’t know, I was hot to trot on it for a while and then I kind of burned out. Maybe I should just post the first chapter and see if that re-inspires me?
WIP #2: Kinky 90s
Premise: Somehow Chrissy and Eddie both end up in the same early 90s BDSM scene in Indianapolis. Eddie’s been in it for a few years, and he mostly doms. Chrissy’s newly single (maybe divorced) and feeling herself for the first time in her life, exploring some desires she’s never let herself think much about. Leans Dom!Eddie/Sub!Chrissy, but because it’s me, there will be power dynamics and switching and examination of what those roles actually look like in a functional relationship. I wanted to write a series of one-shots, starting with one where they run into each other at a munch, maybe, and transitioning into various scenes where they explore their kinks while 100% falling for each other.
Why? I wanted to research what BDSM communities were like in the 90s, before the ease of having Fet and other online spaces to find people. How does a woman find her way in safely, and what does community look like when you can’t vet people quite as well as you can these days. I like the idea of Eddie working in the city, getting by, and dorking out about floggers and rope the same way he used to dork out about D&D. Plus, I wanted to write them having kinky sex. I am a simple creature.
Where I’m stuck: I kind of wanted them to dance around getting together for a while, but the innate attraction is so goddamn strong it’s hard to put roadblocks in their way. Which is usually a sign I need to STOP trying to put roadblocks in their way and find another source of conflict instead. The nice thing about this one is that if I wanted to, I could just post a one-shot every so often and let it be what it is. So maybe I will.
WIP #3: Pegging One-Shot
Premise: Chrissy pegs Eddie.
Why? I like the idea of them being in an established, happy relationship and discovering something new and a little taboo (to them).
Where I’m stuck: Figuring out how to actually get to the part where they talk about it. My initial thought was that Eddie brings up anal as a thing to try, and Chrissy’s like “you first” but that doesn’t really feel like them, because I feel like they’re pretty sexually compatible, overall. So, I don’t know, I’m noodling on a few different ways to approach it that feel authentic to both their characters and the time period. Where, again, there isn’t this wide world of porn and helpful hints at their fingertips, and you can’t order a bespoke strap-on from Etsy. If this does get done, it’ll be a one-shot, so at least there’s that.
And that, as they say, is that! I have other ideas, but nothing I've actually written significant wordcount on. Thanks again to Hellcheer Anniversary Week for fun prompts, and getting me to revisit these guys all over again!
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this has happened to me so many times before, when i’m meditating, i get symptoms and i continue to meditate and after a while i get this feeling that i’m floating or more like floating. I would usually get excited and it would either stop or be stagnant and after a while, i stopped reacting to it (me rising) but i would still feel like i am there and don’t enter the void. Do you have any advice?
and if you can, could you please share what’s your experience like while meditating and what it’s like as you’re transitioning to the void state? cause i know what the void feels like, but don’t know much about the transition from meditating to being just pure consciousness! thank you!
Hi! I used to get that floating feeling when I would attempt to shift. I’ve come to learn that it’s just your body falling asleep while your mind is awake so it’s just your mind playing tricks on you to see if you’re asleep or not. Now it could be different for you, but that’s just from my experience. Usually when i just kind of ignore it and keep going it stops.
Meditation for me, honestly i just used it to help me sleep. I used to struggle with that mediation was a big help. I also struggle with anxiety so meditating also helped me calm my thoughts and my mind. For the void, there’s no real transition. For me it was either I was in or I wasn’t. The first time i got in, I went from being aware of my surroundings to suddenly not being able to feel them anymore. It might sounds scary, but when you’re experiencing it, it’s actually very relaxing!
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Saturn conjunct Ascendant
As a 14 degree Pisces rising this was March 12, 2024 to May 8, 2024.
"Bitch wtf is going on????" - me the entire 57 days and it's coming back around in early 2025
Notes from Saturn in Transit - Erin Sullivan
Saturn over the ascendant can be experienced as an extremely dramatic shift from "who you used to be" to "who you will be" but with a rather traumatic period of uncertainty while the no longer useful persona is sloughed off
It’s been a weird timeeeeeee like there’s some things i'm like so excited about that are a “new me” and then there’s some other stuff I’m like 💀💀💀 about and I’m gonna pretend like nothing is happening for a while longer bc this feels like too much change at once 🥲 maybe in 2025 lol my mind has been going nonstop!
The thresholding that is experienced during this time can be a shock to someone who has strongly identified with or has been identified with a particular and definite image
lol I literally introduced myself as an astrologer to someone the other day bc they mentioned astro and me being an attorney never came up and it honestly felt nice 😩 yeah my entire schooling revolved around becoming an attorney but like it doesn’t "feel" like I succeeded at it lmfao and I’m honestly not putting a lot of effort into making it feel like success either so 🙃
Understanding this necessary loss of personal identification greatly reduces stress and allows a more conscious transition into the new self image. The struggle is all about coming to terms with unconscious material in the conscious mind and vice versa
I think so much is happening in my unconscious mind bc I usually remember most of my dreams in complete detail and the last two weeks at least I know I’ve had very longgg detailed dreams but when I wake up I can’t remember it in the part of my brain that can say it into words lol I feel like I’m missing out on messages!
Saturn brings to the ascendant all the manifest experiences and control issues that have dominated the last 14 year extraverted cycle during which the individual learned how to be present and accountable in the conscious world or accomplishments, deeds, and collective goals
"I'm giving myself goals because I don't know what to do with myself if I'm not accomplishing anything." - Me in 2021 a year after getting my law degree lol I feel like it encompasses this whole thing! During this transit I wrote a list of personal goals and they're not outward things like graduation they're more like be consistent with skin care lol the other day I told my aunt I just relaxed and I didn't do anything and she was like if you're so boring why don't you go on a walk and i was like??? I didn't say that?? lol made me not want to say anything else!!
Symbolic of a descent into oneself
When I first read this I was like oooh seems zen 🧘🏾♀️ IT WAS NOT ZEN IVE BEEN IN THE TRENCHES!! It feels like too much pressure to know and be like "this is who I am" i just want to be a pisces rising whose personality changes whenever
Notes from Planets in Transit - Robert Hand
You will try to eliminate everything in your life that is not necessary to fulfilling responsibilities
I didn’t do many things just for fun during this time everything had a purpose. I did finish reading two books unfinished from last year and it was in an attempt to spend less time watching videos which worked!
You will become more complex and simpler at the same time
Idkkkk I’m not sure I understand what this even means
You are finishing up tasks going into a 5-8 year period of relatively quiet preparation for a new beginning
I feel like I’ll see this more in 2025 bc right now I don’t really have anything started that needed to be finished lol
You may have less freedom of movement than usual because of the pressure of circumstances and the need to get things done
A week into this I made happy hour plans and I was going to leave work extra early bc I had nothing to do and I got an assignment literally 2 hours before I was going to go! I did finish in 2 hours and went to HH but it was stressful lol
You may have to exert more effort at work in order to get the job done
For real the last month I actually had so much more work at work than usual I was working a full 8 hour day sometimes 😭 usually I have like maybe 8 hours of work a week!
Your superiors may give you even more responsibility than you would choose to have
Facts! The last few days I’ve been essentially training this girl at work and the last day of this transit I finished lol seemed fitting
Do not start out on a completely new project because in a few years you may find that you do not have the material or psychological resources to complete it
This makes me feel like it should be about something big 😂 I have not started any projects lol I did apply to a few jobs but none of them even responded to reject me so that was also unintentionally not started
Good relationships will not suffer but bad ones will break up completely
I feel like Saturn in aqua in my 12H took care of most of the bad relationships already lol so this was fine
You are withdrawing from everything in your life that is in the way of your development during the next few years
Yeah I’ve been more annoyed than usual at people around me who are making the choice to struggle just bc they don’t want to try something new 😩 it’s been making me feel like I can’t be as close to them like it’s contagious 😂
Avoid building a wall between yourself and others because they are important to you now that you are excluding those who do not belong
Yes I’ve been making it a point to actually say yes to events lol but it's hard to keep in contact with people for some reason! I forget to or think that less time has passed and then I check messages and it's been weeks!
This is a productive time
I did get a lot done! I cooked a lot of meals, I washed all my bedding that’s been sitting there since end of last year, I cleaned my fish tank, I cleaned the mildew off my bathroom walls, I put a lot of my clothes away, my recycling pile is way down, I built a storage shelf thing for under my desk, I sewed a skirt, I read and wrote a lot
Follow through on the tasks that need to be done and get your life in shape for the next phase of preparation
I’ve been intentional about this! I made a list of things I want to get out of my saturn return in my 1H and one of those things is clear skin so I’ve been consistent with the routine like actually tracking it on the calendar! Losing weight was another on that list and the last two months I was just focusing on food like getting back into cooking and the last almost 3 weeks I’ve been tracking all my food and even using a food scale. On the last day of this transit I signed up for the gym!
Overall I would give this transit 6/10 😂 the mental anguish was toooo much Omggg I hope it’s easier in 2025 and after that I’m glad I don’t have to deal with this for another 30 years
#astrology#astro#astro tumblr#learn astrology#astro community#pisces rising#saturn in the 1st house#saturn conjunct ascendant#saturn conjunct rising#saturn transit#saturn transits#saturn in pisces
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I think your ed cosplay pictures are really great!!!
I've been to anime con events before, but i didn't have the confidence to cosplay. But i wanna try it, nothing big at first just with clothes i already have. So uh do you have any advice for a beginner cosplayer?:)
Oh, oh that is so sweet, thank you! I feel flattered that you would approach me about this! I'm not a super experienced cosplayer myself, but I'm gonna do my best to give you some pointers.
Start small--it seems you already got that one lined up! That's exactly how I started too, just using clothes from my closet and maybe a bought item here or there to make the character more recognisable. It's a good strategy because a) you get to try it out and see if you enjoy cosplaying before you put huge amounts of money into it and b) these are your clothes so chances are you already feel comfortable in them and they are familiar, might help you feel more at home.
Now this one is probably a bit dependent on each person's temperament but in the selection of your first cosplays, you can go one of two routes: either you start with a character that is already kind of similar to you/who wears fairly innocuous, everyday clothing. That might help you ease into it, might help make you feel less nervous outside on your way to the con or on public transport, because it'll draw less attention from passersby. It also gives you a slow transition into the habit of cosplaying: you'll see that people's reactions are positive and maybe it's not that scary after all, and then you can gradually go for more elaborate/attention-grabbing cosplays. This is the route I've personally taken bc I also struggled with anxiety and nerves when I first started. The second way is the complete opposite: choose a character that is very different from you/is more attention-grabbing and dive right in--wearing a character and sort of getting into their mindset can really help boost your confidence and create a firm divide between cosplay and non-cosplay that might allow you to leave behind your nerves along with your everyday clothes. That’s something I’m definitely noticing since I started cosplaying Ed—I feel so much more confident as him, I joke around more, even with strangers which I usually would never do. It’s a bit like wearing an armour (ironically), protecting you and letting less anxiety and self-doubt seep through. (This method of course is a bit restricted by point one, but you can still go for a very different style and presence without buying or making a whole elaborate fantastic cosplay)
A more practical thing: I would recommend doing cosplays where you can use your natural hair for the first few times. Wigs can be expensive, they’re a hassle, especially long ones, they take a lot of time and effort to style and maintain, they aren’t super comfortable and when you’re wearing one you’ll be constantly aware of it at first, worried about messing it up (that’s what it was like for me anyway). That’s something I would only tackle once you’ve gathered a bit of experience.
This might be obvious, but it’s one I feel strongly about: Choose a character you love. If you are passionate about the character you’re wearing, if you’re enthusiastic about the source material, that love will show when you’re cosplaying, and people will take notice. Because aren’t we doing this whole thing for the love of the characters in the end? Don't be pressured by fandom trends or what's popular right now. You want to cosplay from an obscure 90's anime that only a few people know anymore? Do it!!! The people who do know it and recognise it will be so excited.
Lastly: Always remember that cosplay is supposed to be fun! I know it’s gotten to be really intense in the last few years, with competitions everywhere and cosplayers outdoing each other with bigger, more expensive, more elaborate, more accurate, more cosplays, but unless you’re aiming to become a big-time cosplay influencer, I wouldn’t worry about that. You don’t need to have a new cosplay for each con. You don’t have to get every detail right. You don’t have to pull all nighters and exhaust yourself to finish a cosplay just because people say con crunch is a part of the “real” cosplayer experience. Just enjoy yourself, and if there’s a part of the cosplay experience you’re not enjoying, drop it. You hate wearing wigs? Then don’t. You can’t wear contacts? Leave them. Just wear your glasses if you need them. Your con experience won’t be fun if you can’t see a thing the entire time. You can’t sew and don’t have the resources to learn? Unless you’re aiming to take part in cosplay contests, bought cosplays aren’t worth any less. (Even then there are starting to be cosplay contests these days that are more about character portrayal where you can enter with bought cosplays as well). There are no hard and fast rules. There’s no wrong way to cosplay. Have fun!
There, I hope this helped you a little bit! These are all just things I can draw from my own experience of course, as someone who’s been around cons and fandom for a long time but only really started cosplaying fairly recently (2019). I’m sure other people would give you other advice, but these are the points I think are helpful.
If there are any specific questions you still have, feel free to ask and I’ll do my best to answer them. I hope your first cosplay experiences will be fantastic! 💕
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