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sutorus · 7 months

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✰ HC: BEING IN A SITUATIONSHIP WITH THE JJK F*CKBOYS

DESCRIPTION: my hcs on what it’d be like to be in a situationship/fwb situation with the jjk men hehe

FEATURED: gojo satoru, geto suguru, nanami kento, fushiguro toji

WARNINGS: 18+ MINORS DNI. fem + afab reader, this is fully self indulgent i'm just taking my own shiddy experiences and coping via hot anime men, suggestive content/smut, pretty standard manwhore behavior, slightly toxic, not wholesome, kinda crack tbh, some mentions of degradation as a kink, objectifying women, just like the real thing lol!

A/N: LONG BUT READ! this will Not have an ending where you get together at least not rn these are just my hcs all in good fun ur just having fun ok ur not heartbroken everything is okay. they are not good boys here they are normal regular boys

GOJO SATORU

has way too many hoes. way too many

so much so that he gave up on remembering their names and just saves their numbers like “osaka w the hand kink”, “big tits shibari”, “slut from trig”, “hostess best bjs”

has someone’s boobs with his name written on them in sharpie as his wallpaper

says i love you when he cums inside and you never know if you should believe it

throws you off when he agrees to meet your friends only for him to flirt with them in front of you

takes you to the best clubs with bottle service, lets the girls sit on his lap and laughs when you get mad

pays for your ubers everywhere every time

into the weirdest shit like wearing your underwear laughing like a lunatic the whole time he’s fucking you then after he cums gets sulky and embarrassed

lays it on thick with the pet names, gives zero fucks if that confuses you even further

very public with you and it makes you wonder how many other girls put themselves through this humiliation just for the d

gets jealous about you being with other people and needs to prove himself by eating it from the back or something

fwb with gojo is just a huge mindfuck honestly he doesn’t take anything seriously and this is no different sorry! it’s fun tho!

GETO SUGURU

keeps it extremely platonic because he likes to tell himself he has a conscience

too busy for regular chit chat ignores your texts all day then hits you up when he wants to fuck

even more of a whore than gojo is which is why he makes sure not to lead anyone on he just does not need the trouble

answers all your personal questions about him with one word answers

he lets you choose the movie for netflix and chill at least! but will never remember it or the fact that it’s your favorite :(

cleans you up after sex and brings you water

has female hygiene products in his bathroom which is both a red and a green flag

lets you stay after sex and you just lay there on his bed watching him do stuff on his computer but he will not be talking to you

never calls you baby or anything when he’s fucking you just goes oh fuck yeah right there fuuuuck your pussy

genuinely respects you and has nice decent sex with you unless you tell him that you’re kinky

in which case he fucks you just how you want it and gets off on how turned on you are

not one of those guys who gets jealous of sex toys and holds the wand on your clit for you

likes to make you cum over and over and over again

fwb with geto makes your heart clench because he’s just such a gentleman but you got way too much competition to even think about it

NANAMI KENTO

a professional in every sense of the word

uses sex as stress relief

thinks he's too old for this shit but you make him feel alive so he fucks you like he can empty all of his frustrations into you

invites you to his apartment serves you expensive liquor and lets you initiate things most times unless he’s too pent up

can actually have very nice conversations with you

never has the “what are we talk” because he makes it clear he’s too busy for a relationship

lets you spend the night if it’s too late but solely for your safety/logistics

does your taxes for you but will not call you anything beyond an “acquaintance”

texts you happy holidays but does not know when your birthday is

gets tested consistently even though he’s not fucking anyone else and always uses a condom unless you beg him not to

eats you out because he thinks it’s relaxing and spends hours prepping you

the sexual tension is soooo thick when you two fuck all you can hear is grunts and growls and moans and wet slapping sounds and it’s so hot

has some random turn ons like gets bricked up when you’re wearing lipstick or stockings

fwb with nanami is very enjoyable and easy it’ll get complicated if you develop feelings because he does not want to date but who cares yolo am i right

FUSHIGURO TOJI

broke ass deadbeat dad why are you into him

absolutely nasty sex

you know if he had a girlfriend he’d respect her too much to do the things he does to you

dick game so bomb that you’re scared he’s gonna give you a child even when he’s wearing a condom

wants to fuck you every way he possibly can on every fuckable surface with zero regard for your physical integrity

eats his cum right out of you

ego is so big, grins so wide and fucks you so hard when you stroke his muscles

loves to eat pussy but only after he’s fucked you because he likes it tight and hot with minimal prep

doesn’t follow you on any social media but jerks off to your instagram pics

has like 3 different phone numbers and you don’t know why

has only let you come over once, didn’t let you shower after

no pet names but calls you a dirty whore and other degrading shit

loves it if you cry on his dick

doesn’t give a fuck about your safety sorry you’re on your own

has never told you his last name

one time you asked to see a picture of his son and he didn’t speak for 3 whole minutes

fwb with toji is the nastiest sex you’ve ever had truly it’s just sinful and everyone’s dark hidden fantasy half of it you couldn’t tell your closest friends because it’s just too much

a/n sorry

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astro-enthusiast · 4 months

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moon signs and what you learned from your mother (raw & uncut)

I’m not a professional astrologer, just an enthusiast. These are possible manifestations of attributes your mother taught you based on your moon sign.

WARNING: this is clear cut, no BS, straight to the point. There’s pros and cons for every moon sign. There’s no way around it.

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PLAGIARIZE MY WORK.

Aries Moon: your mother taught you how to fight, how to be resilient, how to depend on yourself and no one else. Your mother probably led with masculine energy. There’s an added layer of aggression in your relationship. She taught you how to be “tough.” You were likely raised by one parent for some reason (I’ve seen this be caused by the death of a parent at a young age or a parent who chooses not to be around due to strained rxship).

Taurus Moon: your mother taught you how to chill. Hard. You probably wanted for nothing. Money, security, stability- you had it all. You know how to eat, sleep, wake up, and do it all again. Maybe your home was uneventful growing up. You know how to make money and spend it just as well. Your mother likely didn’t do much that’s worth noting. She taught you how to work and chill out. This is a very narrow manifestation of this sign.

Gemini Moon: your mother taught you how to blend in to any crowd. You two probably gossiped together. Your mother may have provided the ultimate “How to Be Well Perceived” guide for you. How to hold a conversation with anyone. How to intellectualize emotions rather than actually feeling them. You can think or talk your way out of any situation, which may be a double edged sword as this can and will get you into trouble.

Cancer Moon: your mother taught you how to play the victim. How to become overly sensitized to other people’s emotions and the slightest change in their energies. How to be in touch with your own inner world; how to manipulate or be manipulated. You likely played a motherly role in life, but this is affected by house placements and aspects. Ex. A cancer moon in the 10th house may show their more nurturing side in public, but not so much at home.

Leo Moon: your mother taught you how to be flamboyant; how to prioritize yourself and your own emotions over others; how to lighten up the mood- likely to avoid dealing with heavier subjects. How to be the ✨golden child✨. But also, you as the child might have to step aside so your mom can have the true spotlight. At the end of the day, she comes first in her mind.

Virgo Moon: your mother taught you how to be “helpful,” likely to your own detriment. How to shut your mouth and sacrifice yourself and your well being for your family. How to be an adult from a very young age; you probably didn’t have a childhood. I’ve seen wayyy too many people with this placement parenting their own parents and other peoples kids while they themselves are literal children. Did you raise your mother or did your mother raise you? Your mother likely has no concept of your personal boundaries. If you place any, she’s surprised by the utter audacity. Also (trigger warning: violence) many Virgo moons mother’s are physically abusive. Does your mom randomly slap you when she’s mad? Just know you’re more than a maid or a punching bag. You are a person. I could write a whole book on this placement just based on the pure chaos of it. I’m so sorry. I love you.

Libra Moon: your mother taught you how to keep up with your appearances; that looks and what people think is far more important than any feeling you may experience. She taught you how to be well-liked and how to create a fake personality to keep others comfortable. If you’re feeling sad, you probably just need a new outfit or lipgloss to add an attempted cover to the crap that’s lurking in your subconscious mind.

Scorpio Moon: God help us all. Your mother taught you how to be afraid. Literally. Your baseline is likely fear which is learned directly from the mother. Your mother taught you how to manipulate as you see fit, which of course includes manipulating her as well. This likely goes both ways. You were taught to be emotionally in tune with your mother, with no boundaries or consideration for how you as an individual feel. Trust issues beyond comprehension. But you can’t help it, it’s literally in your blood. Also, love is not possession and control. You need to let that belief go, babe.

Sagittarius Moon: your mother taught you how to ignore anything that isn’t sunshine and rainbows, shut up, and keep it to pushing. Emotions were not a thing in your home. You’d be crazy to feel anything but joy. If you do, you’re considered ungrateful. Your mother was likely distant for some reason. Even if physically present, there was no emotional connection. But hey, at least she taught you new languages and exposed you to different cultures, right?

Capricorn Moon: (signs, “Santa Maria”). No, I am not here as another random person on Tumblr who thinks they know Capricorn moons. I’m here as someone who actually knows Capricorn moons. Your mother taught you how to put on a brave face, work until you can taste your own blood, and don’t stop for even a moment to think of what’s lurking under the surface. If you work really hard, you won’t even have a chance to notice all the baggage you’re carrying around! Anddd you’ll have piles of money to dry any tears that threaten to escape. You probably cry in your closet for complete and total privacy. Or not, maybe that’s just me. You’re taught to be the backbone of the family. Everything would probably collapse without you. But hey, no pressure, right?

Aquarius Moon: your mother taught you how to detach from any and all emotions. Do you even feel what you’re feeling? Or are your emotions solely for research purposes? Asking for a friend. You likely live away from your mother. She may even be on a completely different continent. Your mother is likely your friend at best, and a complete stranger at worst. Your friends are your family. You likely felt the need to escape your family from a young age. Maybe you were even embarrassed of how “weird” your family was. But alas, we can always make our own families out of friends. 💜

Pisces Moon: your mother taught you how to be the victim. Honestly, this might go for all water moons. Just apply that to this whole element. Your relationship with your mother may have been an emotional rollercoaster. Do you ever get off to take breaks? Perhaps your mother took on a more Neptunian approach to your relationship and she’s so emotionally distant you couldn’t catch her if you tried. How’s your sleep schedule? Maybe you sleep to avoid the feelings that are just too hard to deal with. Subliminal meditations are your friend.

I had a blast writing this. Let me know what you think!

RIGHTS RESERVED TO MY BLOG astro-enthusiast . DO NOT COPY, REWRITE, OR PLAGIARIZE MY WORK. DO NOT REPOST MY WORK WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

#astrology #moon signs #astroblr #astro observations #astro notes #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

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canyourfavesurvivecastledracula · 2 months

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Can Elle Woods (Legally Blonde) survive Dracula's castle?

My conviction is that Elle can survive anything life throws at her by the power of being smart, hardworking and a Delta Nu. But I think she actually has a few things working in her favour:

She's the sweetest. Would totally work on Dracula and would make her take the crucifix. The only downside I am seeing here is that she might appeal too much to Dracula, but I am sure she has had to put her foot down vis-a-vis unwanted advances several times in her life and knowing her, she somehow manages that without antagonising anyone.

She's a lawyer. I have to admit I am not that well-versed in the lore, but vampires have rules, right? She would totally work them out quickly and use them to her advantage because that is what she does. Also, she is very good in (cross-)examination, she'd get Dracula to spill the beans the moment she arrives (This movie ends with Elle giving Dracula legal advice btw)

She's a feminist. The vampire girls want to eat her and instead she tells them about their rights and how to rally against Dracula, probably proposes to be their advocate, too. Also teaches them the bend-and-snap and exchanges skin-care routines.

She does cardio. Might not be enough to survive climbing a wall, actually, but Elle is fit. She can run fast and I am sure she has the upper arm strength to hold herself on a wall for a moment at least.

Warner Huntington III. While he is not deserving of it, Elle loves Warner passionately. She got into Harvard for him. She's getting out of the castle for him, too. (Post-Legally Blonde Elle is getting out of the castle for Emmet, that works just as well if not better, because here she knows he loves her back.)

Bruiser. Elle likes and knows dogs. She's totally taking her chance with the wolves rather than vampires.

One thing working against her, is that Elle thrives in community. The whole movie/musical is about empowering yourself while empowering others. Elle gets a lot of strength out of her friendship with Paulette and the other students she grows closer to, in the end even from Vivian. Here, she would be alone. But, like, in the movie she starts out alone as well and then forges a new community. I kinda feel like she would try that as well, either with the townfolk or the vampires themselves. I am not sure how much that would help/be possible, but the effort would definitely be there.

So, alltogether, I would say Elle Woods can survive the castle.

(Elle when someone confronts her about having survived Dracula: What, like it's hard?)

Ooooooh this IS a good one

I love the idea of Elle trying to recruit the Girlies. They're already pretty keen on Sisterhood and respect each other whole lot more than they respect Dracula. They also are completely unabashed about eating people, especially new lawyers who are young and full of energy, but if anyone can turn them it's probably Elle.

One question I have is how she will deal with Dracula's excessive handsiness. She's not the type to tolerate creeps. On the other hand, she may have enough experience to recognize what kind of creep you can safely put in his place vs what kind of creep will kill you if cross him. Dracula is definitely the second kind. Similarly, she is frequently underestimated, but she doesn't like being underestimated. I am not recalling to what extent she is willing to play into the stereotypes for strategic advantage. If she is, that will heighten her chances for survival, but also heighten her chances of just being nommed as an ingenue.

I agree that the isolation will suck for her, especially if she can't build community with the Girlies. But her skills at community building and making connections will help her keep Dracula entertained and talking for two months. She'll learn more about the history of Transylvania than anyone wants to know and she'll retain it.

I feel the need to point out that choosing the wolves means dying. The question is will she walk out and get devoured to make her point, or will she back down and decide to stay after all? I feel like she's the type to deliberately do the unexpected to keep her opponents off guard, but I'm not sure which result that yields.

If she does stay, I am actually very confident in her ability to make it down the wall. She's reasonably fit and she doesn't give up, and given the heels she wears she must have ankles of steel.

Trying to out rules lawyer Dracula is a very dangerous game. She is smart though, and persuasive.

I think she probably can survive, but only if she doesn't confront him about being a total creeper, and that's the part I am undecided on

#Legally Blonde #Elle Woods #lawyers

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rodolfoparras · 4 months

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Hear me out professor! Price with black slacks, white button up rolled up to his elbows and with glasses resting on the bridge of his nose.

Cw: age gap, reader is in his 20s!, power dynamic student professor relationship 18+, perv! Price,

He absolutely loves the subject he teaches but hates his students since they couldn’t care less about his lectures.

More often than not he’s talking to himself since his students busy themselves with something else, writing down theories on his whiteboard that he’s sure his students won’t take note of or keeps his nose buried in one of those thick books on his desk to hide the frown on his face.

It’s another early morning, he’s sipping on his coffee while going over today’s lecture notes, cussing to himself when the hot liquid burns his tongue.

It doesn’t take much before students are pouring into the lecture hall and he readies himself to start, a slight irritation brewing within him knowing he’ll probably spend the whole time talking to himself again.

And he isn’t wrong as soon as the lecture starts, he’s glued to his whiteboard while his students are glued to their phones, but not even he is focusing on what he’s writing this time because soon he hears a student behind him correcting him on whatever he’d been writing.

Price turns so fast he almost snaps his neck, a look of suprise clear on his face and in that very moment he could only muster up a very intelligent “huh”

As he looks into the sea of students he’s met with your steady gaze and the very obvious smile painted on your lips.

“Professor Price, no where in the book does it say…” Price doesn’t even register your words, still baffled by the fact that someone is actually participating in his lesson and once again he manages to muster up another intelligent answer - “oh?”

But his responses don’t seem to throw you off as you read up your notes that completely contrast to what’s written on the board.

Price doesn’t even need to fact check. He knows that he got it wrong but he didn’t think anyone paid enough attention to notice.

But you did.

“Looks like you’re right Mr..?” Price asks with brows eyes and arms crossed

You tell him your name with a small smile on your face and that’s one of the few times someone spoke up during his lectures.

And a few days later it happens again and again, and again and soon it becomes a back and forth discussion that even manages to garner the other students’ attention.

He’ll say something you’ll question it. He’ll explain himself with arms cross and a brow raised and you’ll appear more satisfied by his reaction rather than his answer.

One day he’ll even have you up at the board to explain where he got his explanation wrong. He thought you’d be like a deer in headlight but you sounded ever so confident when you explained your thoughts.

Price liked that.

He’d even managed to create somewhat of a friendship between you and him which is laughable because never did he think he’d manage to create a bond with one of his students. But you’ll sometimes drop by during your breaks asking if he needs any help or even eat lunch with him. He’d just scoff and roll his eyes at the first part because who’s the professor here again? However there’s a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Price tried to keep it professional he really did. but every little banter of yours would have blood rushing to his lower half.

Every time you walked up to the board to explain something he’d imagine himself flush against it, with your deep baritone voice whispering in his ear and big strong hands wandering all over his body.

He no longer pondered over how his students never paid attention to his lectures but rather he’d wonder about how they’d react with him completely naked, splayed out on his desk, and being split open on your dick, mouth agape eyes half lidded while glued to the crowd in front of him unable to get a word out, only able to focus on how good it feels being stretched around your cock

“Professor Price? The lecture is about to start”

#call of duty #john price x reader #john price x male reader #john price #captain john price #captain john price x male reader #captain john price x reader #top male reader #bottom male character #x male reader #male reader #is this the birth of a new price character

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mattitties · 4 months

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Boyfriend, pt 3 - matt sturniolo

smutty smut smut!

part 1 part 2

“How was the date?” my roommate asks as I go into her room.

All I can do is smile. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this happy in my life. “I love him,” I say.

She rolls her eyes. “Oh jesus. Okay, come sit, tell me everything.”

I sit on her bed and recount the whole night, from him picking me up at the door, to listening to Taylor Swift with me, to me never feeling a moment of awkwardness, and finally, to him kissing me outside the apartment. “Maybe it’s because I’ve never had a boyfriend so any ounce of actual romantic attention is a dream come true but I genuinely think he’s perfect for me,” I tell her.

“He does sound pretty perfect for you…”

“See!”

“But slow ya roll! Take it easy, just don’t rush into anything.” I nod in agreement. I know that there’s still so much to learn about him, but I just feel like I already trust him with my life. It takes me a long time to feel truly comfortable with anyone, but there’s just something about him that makes me feel like I’ve known him forever.

I wake up the next morning later than usual, and to my surprise, I already have a text from him.

Good morning! I had a lot of fun last night :)

I’m about to respond when another text comes through.

Would u wanna grab lunch today? I can pick u up again

I smile to myself and start typing.

good morning!! i had fun too, and i would love to get lunch! what time?

I can get you around 2?

sounds good see you then 😁

I look at the time and panic when I see it’s already 12:30. How the fuck did I sleep so late? I get ready and before I know it, it’s 1:55 and he’s texted me that he’s here. I have to applaud his punctuality, it’s hot as fuck knowing that he actually cares enough to be somewhere on time. God, I really need to raise my standards.

I head downstairs and he’s in the same spot by the door, smiling shyly when he sees me. His fashion sense is immaculate: today he’s wearing black cargo jeans, a black T-shirt, and a white long sleeve underneath. I’m disappointed that he’s not showing off his sleeve of tattoos like last night, but I still can’t stop staring at him.

“Hi,” he smiles, giving me a hug. He smells good, like warm vanilla, and his hug is the most comforting thing in the world at this moment.

“How’ve you been in the last… 12 hours since I saw you?” I ask as we head to the car.

“Oh you know, just been sitting at home twiddling my thumbs until I could see you again. We’re at a three day streak now!” he tells me as he opens the door for me.

I laugh and can’t take my eyes off of him as he makes his way to the driver’s side. “Why’d you wear a long sleeve today? I miss your tattoos,” I fake pout and play with his sleeve.

“Ohhh, you can see those whenever you want, don’t you worry.”

God, he makes me fucking crazy. We start driving, talking about mindless things, and end up at a little diner not too far from my apartment.

“My brothers and I go here all the time, their food is so good,” he tells me as we go inside.

Once we’re seated and have ordered our food, our conversation flows just the same as it did last night, except today we’re talking about stuff that it usually takes me at least a few weeks of knowing someone before I share about. I tell him about my family, he tells me about his and how he’s never been away from his brothers for more than 24 hours, while I tell him that my brothers and I are more like acquaintances and I only ever talk to them about surface level stuff.

“I couldn’t imagine,” he says. “Nick and Chris are like my safety nets. To be honest, tonight and today are the first time I’ve actually gone out to a restaurant without at least one of them in like… 3 years.”

“Really? I actually don’t mind doing stuff alone. I know people hate going out to eat by themselves, but I think I just grew up so independent that I’m comfortable with it. Like, my favorite thing ever is going to the movies, but if I don’t have anyone to go with I’ll just go by myself. I find it peaceful,” I tell him.

“I love going to the movies too, but I could never go by myself. That sounds fucking terrifying,” he says, laughing a bit as he talks.

“I get it,” I say. “Well, would you ever want to go to a movie together? It’s not alone and we both like it, so…”

He smiles. “I would love to. But if you talk in there, I’m out. We’re done. No movie talkers in my presence.”

I shake my head very seriously. “Oh no, absolutely not. Trust me, you won’t hear a peep.”

By the time we finish lunch, it’s only 3:45, and neither of us are ready to go home yet.

He turns to me when we get in the car. “What do you think about that movie right now? I have nothing else going on the rest of the day.”

We arrive at the theater and just pick a movie at random. Neither of us have any real interest in seeing any of the ones they’re showing, but it gives us something to do together. We’re pleasantly surprised when we walk into an empty theater, so we take our seats and make fun of the trailers until the movie starts.

About 30 minutes in, I realize that I have no idea what’s happening in the movie. I’ve been glancing at Matt the whole time, trying to pretend like I don’t see him glancing at me too. I can tell that he wants to hold my hand, wrap his arm around me, just touch me in some way, and I want to just scream at him to do something. It’s all I can think about. I shift up a little in my seat and look at him slightly. He looks at me. Without saying a word, we both know what the other wants.

He takes my cheek softly in his hand and kisses me. I immediately fall into it, our lips moving together effortlessly, our tongues colliding. But I want more. I need more.

“Matt,” I say between kisses. “Can we go back to my place?”

“But the movie isn’t over yet,” he breathes into my mouth.

I pull back slightly and look at him with the same eyes I gave him two nights ago. “Matt. My place. Please?”

His eyes widen. “Oh. Oh.”

I nod and giggle as he grabs my hand and rushes me out of there and back to his car like his life depends on it. Luckily the movie theater is about 5 minutes away from my apartment, and even more luckily my roommate is at work. The tension in the car ride home and in the elevator is so thick I can hardly breathe. As soon as we open the door to my room, his hands are all over me. We’re kissing messier than before; our teeth are clashing, our tongues fighting one another. He walks us towards my bed, dipping his head so his mouth reaches my neck as he begins to kiss, nip, and suck.

“Matt,” I whine.

“Hmmm,” he hums in response, sucking a spot right under my ear. I begin to play with the bottom of his shirt, signaling that I want it off. He smirks and unlatches himself from my neck just long enough to pull it off his body before going back to what he was doing.

“God you’re so hot,” I half whisper as my hands run down from his chest to his happy trail. I grab his face in my hands and kiss him hard, then sit down on the bed and look up at him.

“What do you wanna do?” he teases, knowing exactly what I want. I pull my shirt off, leaving me in a black lace bra, and begin to undo his jeans as he stares down at me.

“Is this okay?” I ask, pulling his zipper down painfully slow.

“Mhm. Yeah, no it’s, um, it’s good,” he says, clearly flustered by what’s happening. And I can’t get enough.

I pull his jeans down and almost drool over his black briefs. I look up at him again for a moment, then palm over his bulge, earning a low groan from him.

“Fuck,” he mumbles as I tear his briefs down as well, and I need to control my face when I see his dick.

It’s not huge, probably about 6 inches, but it’s genuinely perfect. I never thought I’d say that about a dick, but no, it is perfect.

He inhales sharply as I wrap my hand around the tip and begin to work him, my thumb running over his slit every so often. I spit directly down on him as my hand moves down his shaft, and he groans again, pulling my hair into a loose ponytail.

That’s my signal to wrap my lips around him and suck.

“Ohhhh, fuck,” he says, closing his eyes and tilting his head back for a moment before looking back down at me. My mouth takes him deeper and deeper with each suck, and his hips begin to buck toward me.

He didn’t strike me as someone who would be very vocal during sex, but he’s consistently groaning and letting out soft curses.

After just a minute or two of this, he pulls my head off of him.

“Lay down before I cum in your mouth,” he tells me as I move myself back towards the head of the bed and sit back on my elbows. He crawls over me, kissing my neck, chest, and stomach. “This is all I’ve been thinking about for the past 2 days. Can I take this off?” he asks, referring to my bra.

I nod.

“Words, baby.”

“Please take it off,” I whine. He undoes the clasp and tosses it aside, taking a moment to stare before dipping his head back down and starting to suck on my left nipple.

My breathing picks up as he starts to kiss lower and lower, not breaking eye contact when he removes my skirt and underwear at the same time.

He stares down at my dripping pussy, and although I’m extremely turned on and want nothing more than to fuck him right now, I’m reluctant to open my legs as the reality sets in of what’s happening.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, looking up at me with concern in his eyes.

“I just… haven’t done this in a while. I think I’m nervous,” I tell him quietly.

“I’ve got you, I swear. And if you wanna stop just tell me, okay?”

I nod. I can tell he’s being genuine; he’s not just telling me what I want to hear so he can fuck me. He really cares.

I watch as he opens my legs and hooks them over his shoulders. “You’re drippin for me, huh?” he asks, kissing my inner thighs.

“Mhm. I’ve wanted you so bad,” I barely even have time to finish my sentence before he’s putting his tongue inside my pussy. I gasp and grab his hair, my back arching which only makes him go deeper.

He moans repeatedly as he tongue fucks me, sending vibrations through my core. I’m a moaning mess, my heels are digging into his back, and it only gets worse as he brings his thumb to my clit and starts circling lightly.

“Matt,” I’m on the verge of tears. “Fuck, don’t stop, please, oh my god— “

My orgasm rips through me with no warning, and I’m cumming on his tongue. He doesn’t give me any time to come down before he’s leaning over me, pushing my legs up so my knees are by my face.

“Do you have condoms?” he asks, pushing my hair back.

I shake my head. “I’m on birth control. I’m clean, obviously.”

“So am I,” he says, running his leaking tip over my clit.

I almost scream, I’m so sensitive. He looks so fucking good leaning over me. I grip his arm as he pushes into me. There’s a moment of pain as he fills me up, but it quickly turns to pleasure when he starts thrusting into me.

“Is this okay?” he asks, noticing my face and the tight grip I have on his arm.

“Yeah, just hurt for a second, but please keep going,” I breathe, pulling his head down for another kiss.

His thrusts get harder and faster with each passing minute. He fills me so perfectly, I never want this to end. I feel the coil tighten in my stomach yet again, and my moans get louder and needier.

“You gonna cum for me baby?” he taunts.

Baby. I clench around him and nod. “Uh huh.”

“Ohhh, good girl, keep squeezing my cock like that,” he groans. His thrusts are getting erratic, and his dick begins to twitch inside of me.

I chant his name like it’s the only word I know how to say as another orgasm hits me, and I’m squeezing him hard.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, ohhhhh fuck,” he groans as his own orgasm hits him, and I feel him release inside of me, his head collapsing into my neck.

We stay just like that for a few moments, him inside of me, us both half dead and breathing heavy, before he pulls out, picks me up bridal style, and sets me on the toilet.

“It’s peepee time!” he says excitedly while clapping his hands softly, causing me to crack up.

“You just fucked me and came inside of me and now you’re saying ‘it’s peepee time’? You’re such a freak,” I tell him.

After I finish, we take a quick shower to clean up, and I get unreasonably sad as he starts to get dressed.

I walk him to my front door and he kisses me again. “Let me know your work schedule this week. We’re going out again.”

“Okay, I will,” I smile and nod as I watch him leave.

I’m definitely falling for this guy.

-----------------------------------------------

this was ridiculously long. i did not intend for that to happen. i really have no intentions of making this a full length series because i have other stories i wanna do and i have a few requests sitting in my inbox, so as the author i am telling you that they lived happily ever after yayyyyy

#matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo smut #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo smut #sturniolo fanfic #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo fluff #sturniolo x reader #nicolas sturniolo

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itsoutrageouss · 2 years

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Angst eddie fic where the reader is new maybe they sit at the clubs table unintentionally, and eddie comes off as rude or pushy and unknowingly hurts the readers feelings getting them to avoid the whole table and the next day eddie apologizes after finding them in the woods crying-🍒

a/n: poor eddie would feel so bad after having hurt your feelings like that </3

words: 1k ish- idk bro

warnings: just angst, little unintentional mean!eddie, reader gets embarrassed/feels humiliated

damn prejudice - e. m.

damn prejudice series: part ii // part iii

—☕️

The cafeteria was huge- at least to you. Your old school didn’t even have one, just picnic tables outside, not to say groups and cliques weren’t something anyone bothered themselves with in such a small school.

Hawkins High was different. Albeit Hawkins not being a huge place it was definitely bigger than what you were used to, and you were overwhelmed to say the least.

That’s probably why you didn’t notice the matching shirts of everyone at the table you chose to join. You didn’t even give it second thought that maybe this was an exclusive group, that maybe social status was an actual thing here.

In general, you could be quite oblivious. There fell a tense silence over the table when you sat down, and all eyes of hellfire club turned to Eddie for a reaction. He didn’t say anything at first, just stared at you calmly like he was waiting for you to realize just where you had chosen to sit.

You on the other hand was just poking at your food, assessing the lunch menu if you will. It took you a minute or two to register the dead silence that befell only where you sat and not anywhere else.

That’s when you looked up, eyes scanning the people around you until they landed on the face right next to you at the end of the table; big, brown doe eyes that ogled you in a slightly cold manner. You felt your insides freeze along with his stare- how had you already managed to do something wrong?

“What do you think you’re doing?” His eyes narrowed as he slowly chewed his food in an over exaggerated manner. His tone wasn’t necessarily rude as much as it was filled with suspicion.

“Eating.. lunch?” You replied, more a question than an answer. Your breaths were shorter and faster than before, a sudden unwanted heat wrapping around your body in embarrassment. No one at the table dared say anything.

Usually Eddie was welcome to the newbies at Hawkins- he was known for collecting lost sheep. But someone as pretty as you couldn’t possibly be here by your own will; had the cheer squad sent you to mess with him? That had to be it

Well, he wasn’t gonna fucking fall for it.

“Yeahh, nice try,” he dragged out his words, twirling an apple in his hand. You got a feeling that he had a sense for the dramatics.

“I think you got better things to do than hang around here sweetheart. We bite,” he bit out into the air towards you, his teeth making a loud clank as they did, his hands gripping the table to lean over you. It made you jump backwards, nearly toppling over on your seat. Someone next to you chuckled; it was safe to say you felt humiliated.

Eddie laughed at you teasingly, which might have made your heart flutter under different circumstances, but now you only saw it as condescending- there was something cold in the expression he wore .

In eddies eyes he was being very just. You were new, had probably been hauled in by the cheer squad at first glance and now they had sent you on your first mission to be a true popular Hawkins high menace. Going after the freaks.

Your hands were shaking as you looked around. More unknown faces had turned to where you sat and either laughed meanly or glared at you. You didn’t feel welcome at all.

Quickly you scrambled off the bench and grabbed you lunch tray.

“That’s right, scurry off Princess,” Eddie said, feeling like he had won this little battle that was apparently all in his head. Your eyes were wide and glassy, and the milk on your tray fell to the ground with a thud due to you shaky hands.

Eddie raised his brows at that, suddenly unsure why you would be this nervous if his theory was right. Before he could ponder it, you were hurrying down the hall and out of the cafeteria- not to Jason’s table like he expected.

Shit, maybe you actually were just new and trying to make friends. Eddie would be the last person to reject anyone who felt like an outsider, especially someone as pretty as you.

He didn’t see you for the rest of the day though, still unsure wether or not his cruelty had simply been cruel or purposeful.

—☕️

Maybe you had just been incredibly naive but you did not expect to spend your second day at Hawkins high on the outskirt woods of the school— crying. You had avoided the hellfire club the remainder of yesterday and this morning, especially the boy who you found out to be named Eddie. The humiliation still crept up on you whenever someone glared at you in the halls, making your cheeks flush and palms sweaty.

You were never going to make any friends. The boy who you thought the coolest in the whole school had been mean to you and you had no idea how you were gonna last your whole senior year here. The slim, naked trees of the woods blurred together as hot tears fell down your cheeks, but you angrily wiped them away.

You were lost in thought when you heard rustling right ahead. You peered up nervously to see no one other than Eddie stepping into the little clearing at the picnic table.

After yesterday, when Jason had made fun of the fact that even Eddie rejected the new girl it became clear to him that he was all in the wrong. You were new and alone at had chosen his table to sit at- something that had never happened in hellfires history. The guilt had wrenched him from falling asleep last night and he had spent the whole morning trying to find you -at first he begged Dustin and Mike to apologise from him, since he was too nervous to do it himself- but he knew he had to be the one.

He felt the remorse once again twist in his heart when he saw your small figure curled together on the picnic bench, your tears staining the wood a darker shade. “Hey, uh,” he began, his hands out in front of him like he was trying to tame a wild animal. His tone was gentle and soft, very unlike yesterday.

“Your name’s y/n, right?” He asked with a small polite smile, to show you he wasn’t here to embarrass you again. You didn’t fall for it though, and clutched your knees tighter to your chest, merely giving him a small nod in return with a blank expression.

He sat down in front of you carefully, like any fast movement would make you run and hide.

“So now you wanna sit at the same table as me? Don’t you have better things to do?” It slipped out of you before you could stop it. It wasn’t like you to talk back but you were thoroughly blaming Eddie for your first day failure at this point.

“Yeah no, I uh- I deserve that” he snickered remorsefully. You only glared at him, waiting for whatever his purpose with you now was.

“Listen I’m really sorry about yesterday. I thought-“ he began, realising now how stupid he had been- especially when he saw the memory resurface in your eyes, now adorning fresh tears.

“I thought the basket team had sent you over to mock us or some shit. I didn’t realize you were being genuine, hanging out with the damned and all,” he huffed, trying to seem serious but light at the same time.

Your brows furrowed in question. “Why would you think that?” Your lower lip quivered and Eddie felt an urge to press his thumb against it to soothe you- he obviously didn’t, the boy barely knew you. He cursed himself for thinking like that when he was trying to apologise

“I don’t know. Cause you’re pretty-“ he cursed himself once again- way to go buddy. “anyways I’m the last person who should be carrying prejudice about anyone. I’m sorry for being mean to you, sweetheart.”

You looked at him again, those brown eyes big and pleading. He looked entirely different than yesterday, cheeks slightly flushed from blushing, eyes curious and lips quirked in a soft, nervous smile. He was quite endearing, you thought. And he called you pretty.

You wiped your eyes in a failed attempt to hide your crying. Eddie wasn’t even gonna touch on the fact that he made you cry your first week here- he felt awful.

“You’re welcome at hellfire anytime, I promise you.” His hand slightly reached over the table as a sort of olive branch, but he retracted it again in fear of looking stupid.

“Hellfire?” You asked, taking note of his hand now nervously tapping the surface of the wooden table.

“Yeah, y’know.. you didn’t see the t-shirts?” He asked with a teasing smile; but a kind one this time. You shook your head with a dry chuckle, rolling your eyes at you own obliviousness once again.

“We’re a DnD club. Some of us play music, too,” you listened intently to everything he said, your eyes as big and curious as his whenever he talked. How the hell had he managed to be mean to someone like you?

“I’ve played a little DnD at my old school. Have a guitar too,” you added softly, glad to have something in common with him. He lit up at your words.

“You’ll have to show me, one day. You could join the campaign I’m starting too, next week if you’d like?” He asked, still somehow nervous that you’d now reject him.

Instead you nodded enthusiastically, reaching for his hand and placing yours on top of it.

Maybe senior year wasn’t gonna be so bad, after all.

— next part ☕️

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writingoddess1125 · 7 months

Text

Modern AU Buggy X Reader

Buggy x GnReader

Just fluffy Headcanon!

• Buggy is the leader of a budget theater group that he spends nights writing or getting his people to practice for local shows- during the day however he has his own Boat Charter company and a second business of a delivery company.

• Has Rhinophyma and Roseaca which is why his nose is so large and red. Hates it and has been to so many dermatologist to get it fixed- but due to blood flow and other things will have it for life.

• Has a deep anger towards his half brother Shanks- He feels like their mentor Gol D Roger's who owned a large shipping company when he died it should have been Shanks who owned the shop to keep the legacy alive. Buggy would have been willing to follow Shanks if he did this since he knew he cohldnt- But Shanks ended up just leaving town and Buggy trying to keep it together before it finally went belly up.

• Secretly wanted to be an actor but never got the chops for it due to his nose-

• When you first meet Buggy its at one of the plays, it's a fun improve night. While not many people are there you go with some friends since you found the tickets online.

• You're one of the few people that actually play along with the act and seem to be enjoying themselves. Instead of half drunk college students that got the tickets off groupon-

• He has you come down to the stage and does a whole improve act with you, Being such a good sport you end up helping him get the crowd more engaged.

• Buggy invites you to do shows with him which you agree to. Hum giving you his number in exchange

• Showing up every Thursday to the improv nights and you start becoming friends with his theater group. Noticing how Buggy seemed much happier as you got along with everyone-

• After a few months he works up the courage to ask you out on a date, which you gladly accept.

• At first he tries to take you to the most expensive places but when you express he doesn't have to spend money to show he lives you- He gets more creative and thoughtful.

• Walks through the beach, coffee dates, going to musicals together.

• His favorite are movie nights, He will show off his limited cooking skills aka Hot Dogs and a assortment of junk food while the two of you watch mostly terrible F Tier movies together.

- "Which one did you find?" You call out from the kitchen getting some soda for yourself and Buggy.

"It's called Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter {OP note: This is a real movie- absolutely awful}" Buggy yelled out, laughing at just the name as you jump onto the big couch and hand him his drink as he eats some chips.

"That sounds absolutely awful" You say, looking at the cheap movie cover and reading the back with a snort. Buggy nods, patting himself on the back for finding such garbage.

"It truly is, I've outdone myself" He says proudly before the two of you start the terrible adventure. Having to pause the movie at times for laughing so damn hard-

"This is so bad!" You say as you laugh and roll on the floor- Buggy no better. However he wiped the tears from his eyes as he caught his breath.

"While we can laugh at least he made a movie-" He pointed out with a shrug, you sitting next to him and raising a eyebrow at the oddly kind words from Buggy.

"What do you mean?"

"I always wanted to make a movie- But I doubt anyone would watch them.. they barely watch my shows" He muttered, his insecurities getting to him as he subconsciously touched his nose. You reaching over and grabbing his hand quickly, kissing his lips to snap him from his terrible thoughts.

"What are you talking about?! I think your shows are great and I know you'd do a fantastic job making a movie!" You proclaimed loudly with a smile, your Boyfriend turning and staring hard at you.

He stares at you- like youd said the craziest thing ever. You feeling a creep of worry going up your back at how he was looking at you

"What is your ring size?" He finally ask and gestures to your ring finger making you blush deeply red.

#x reader #one peice x reader #one piece #one peice live action #buggy one piece #buggy the clown x reader #buggy x reader #modern buggy #buggy thoughts #op buggy #buggy headcanons

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niqhtlord01 · 9 days

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Humans are weird: Video Games Part 11

Alien: So what is this one about? Human: Vampires in the wild west. Alien: Sounds interesting. Human: You’d think so, but when the main characters are as animated as the undead monsters they fight it’s pretty hard to take them seriously. Alien: From your own admission they are fighting vampire cowboys…..how serious were you expecting it to be? Human: ……. Touché. ---------------------

Alien: What is “The Quarry”? Human: Murder porn and sadness. Alien: ……………… ------------------------

Alien: “Boltgun”? Human: A man too angry to die because of what a sassy bitch he is. Alien: How does being sassy make you avoid death? Human: Because even death is afraid of being mocked so hard. ---------------------

Alien: Why would anyone want to play an aquatic predator? Human: You ever just look at someone and wonder what they’d taste like? Alien: I believe that is called cannibalism. Human: Not unless you’re a giant fish. ---------------------

Alien: Why does the tiny creature have a machine gun? Human: To stop you from eating it. Alien: Most effective. ---------------------

Alien: I heard this one is a popular game. Human: Eh, I guess. Alien: What do you mean “eh”? Alien: There have been five of them made. Human: It’s mostly made for people that like to watch a slow mo shot of a bullet going through a man’s balls over and over. Alien: What sadistic beings are you?!? Human: You should let me tell you about Meat Boy sometime for more context. ---------------------

Alien: This one looks cute. Alien: It’s about a brother in sister in your primitive era. Human: And a shit load of rats. Alien: What? Human: Yeah, you can make the rats devour a man whole as he screams and begs for his life. Alien: I…..but…..just….why? ----------------------

Alien: Why on florps name would someone want to play a game about manual labor? Alien: is not the point of your entertainment games to seek enjoyment? Human: Some people feel pleasure from a job well done. Alien: That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Human: Didn’t your people worship a rock a couple centuries back because when the light hit it the thing sparkled? Alien: ………touché. -------------------------

Alien: I wish to escape this bunker. Human: You just need to find some dynamite and a plunger to trigger it. Alien: Sounds easy enough. Human: And avoid the ancient giant rat god stalking the halls of the bunker. Alien: What is with your people and rats?!!?!?!? ----------------------

Alien: What is this “Crackdown 3” about? Human: A cops fantasy about how they view themselves. Alien: How so? Human: They see themselves fighting crime when more often they help prop up a totalitarian regime. Alien: Did not the second one have monsters in it? Human: That’s how they see poor people. Alien: Holy gargle…..that’s messed up. --------------------

Alien: What is this one? Human: Designing overly elaborate death machines to murder guys in metal suits with swords. Alien: Is that not what we did to your people during the third age of your species? Human: Come again? ------------------

Alien: Is this game about zombies? Human: More a social experiment. Alien: How so? Human: It has no set rules or goal in a zombie apocalypse, but more often you find people choosing the worst things to do to each other for shits and giggles. Alien: It can’t be all that bad. Human: I watched a group of high level players capture a new player, strip them of their gear, and force them to drink bleach under pain of death for a meme. Alien: ……………….. ----------------------

Human: How’s the new game goin- Alien: *Grabs human friend and sprays them with foam Alien: Good…you’re not one of them. Human: spits out foam One of what? Alien: A shape shifter! Alien: They were everywhere on the station and that made me wonder if those bastards are here in the home as well! Human: Wouldn’t say they’re all bastards. Table: Yeah, some of us are actually nice fellows. *Alien and Human both scream*

#humans are space oddities #humans are insane #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #scifi #funny #niqhtlord01 #video games

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stinalotte · 10 months

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Happy 19th Birthday, Stargate Atlantis!

On July 16th, 2004, the pilot aired. Here's a handy little primer for anyone who doesn't know what the heckity heck this show is about. Everything is totally accurate, 100% true and very, very serious.

So.

This is the lost city of the Ancients, Atlantis, in the Pegasus galaxy, about 3 million light years from Earth. (The Ancients can go fuck themselves. Long story.) Atlantis is a city/spaceship approximately the size of Manhattan. She's semi-sentient, but not really, except actually yes, maybe, sometimes, totally. The whole city can go underwater or into hyperspace. Loves her humans. Home. Declaration of independence imminent.

The Atlantis expedition consists of civilians and military from at least 34 countries (in later seasons, the original expedition was just over a dozen). In no particular order:

Dr. Elizabeth Weir. The first leader of the expedition. The only adult. Sometimes. Okay, not very often. Is not above a little war crime for the good of the galaxy—or at least, for the good of Atlantis. Left a boyfriend and a dog on Earth, but we all miss the dog more than the boyfriend. Eats UN representatives for breakfast. Is terribly awkward on dates and really good at solitaire. Loves her chaos children. Which are:

Lt. Colonel Suicide Mission John Sheppard. Walked through the Gate and Atlantis said, "dibs". Thinks people who don't want to fly are crazy. Not good with emotional stuff. (He's getting better.) Loves his found space family and would die for them, often literally. Stop that. Also loves Ferris wheels, things that go fast, and Rodney McKay. And no, we don't know how he gets his hair to go like that.

Dr. Meredith Rodney McKay. Four degrees, two of which are PhDs, none of which are in social skills. Smartest man in two galaxies. Used to be an asshole, but got himself some friends who loved him such a stupid amount that he had no choice but to change. Still a work in progress. We love to see it. Blew up three quarters five sixths of a solar system. (It was uninhabited.) (Mostly.) Deathly allergic to citrus. Loves fully charged ZPMs, arguing with Dr. Zelenka, MREs, and John Sheppard.

Lieutenant Aiden Ford. Went ass first through the Gate with a grin and a whoop on his very first trip. One of the youngest members of the expedition. Is not allowed to name anything, ever. Mild case of hero worship when it comes to his commanding officer, which is totally understandable. A cautionary tale of how addiction messes up not only you, but the people around you.

Ronon Dex. Used to be hunted by the Wraith, lost his people in a terrible war, and is now a member of Sheppard's team where he gets to shoot things and beat up bad guys. Doesn't talk much, but when he does, he has something to say. Good friend. Excellent hugs, but have Carson check you out for any cracked ribs after. Is one bottle of Athosian wine away from staging an intervention regarding the Sheppard/McKay situation.

Teyla Emmagan. In possession of the team's one brain cell. Leader of the Athosian people. Will rock a baby to sleep and then go outside where a Wraith is dangling from the highest tower of the city and stomp on his hands until he falls 800 feet. Can either beat you up in the gym or force you to meditate on your problem, your choice. Has the aforementioned bottle of wine ready and loaded.

Dr. Radek Zelenka. Keeps the science team sane because Rodney sure as hell doesn't. Loves pigeons, cursing in Czech, and overseeing the thriving black market underground economy that has developed in the city. (Thanks @shaddyr for that lovely headcanon). Zachránil všechny naše zadky víc než jednou.

Chuck the Technician. Aggressively Canadian. Doesn't have a last name, doesn't need one. Is ALWAYS in the control room, seriously man, when do you sleep? Reads trashy sci fi novels on night shifts and organized a betting pool in 5 different currencies when Ronon was fighting Teal'c. Needs to share his eyelash routine because we're jealous.

Dr. Carson Beckett. The most Scottish Scot to ever Scot. Brilliant medical doctor who is not above the occasional unethical unorthodox treatment method. Sweet cinnamon roll of a man. Beloved by all. Loves his mom and wee baby turtles. Someone should take him fishing soon. 🥹

Colonel Samantha Carter. Member of SG-1. Legend. Awesome. Boss. Absolute BAMF. Punched a Goa'uld system lord in the face once. We all have a crush on her.

Dr. Jennifer Keller. Is very doctor-y, for better and for worse. Was all of us when she freaked out being on an alien planet for the first time, like a normal person would. Should totally have gone on a date with Captain Vega in that one deleted scene. [WE COULD HAVE HAD IT AAAAALL]

Jeannie Miller. Rodney's sister. Gave up a career in science to be a mom. Solved Rodney's math problem in her spare time, with finger paints. Loves her brother even when he's being an idiot. Fanfic canon says: her house is always open for him and certain Air Force Colonels to crash in. Don't you dare get a hotel room. Yes, the guest room has Only One Bed, Mer, what's your point?

Major Evan Lorne. If you are a moron and get yourself captured and imprisoned off world, he will swing by real quick with a couple Marines and bust you out. Co-parents Atlantis with Dr. Weir. Is actually a really talented painter. Needs a raise, a holiday, and a drink.

Colonel Steven Caldwell. Grumpy. Has to deal with Elizabeth's chaos children on a regular basis. Will make the enemy ship go away with a big boom and save your sorry ass in space. AGAIN.

Richard Woolsey. Used to be a New York City lawyer, one of the most ruthless creatures in the universe. His wife got the Yorkie in the divorce. Broke his heart. Is actually pretty cool if you let him do his thing (like get you out of an intergalactic war crimes trial by bribing the judges).

I know some characters and all the villains are missing, but this post is already longer than a trip on the Daedalus, so there you have it.

Stargate Atlantis. A show about wormholes, life-sucking aliens, ancient civilisations, space battles—and family, friendship, allowing yourself to love and be loved, and what it means to be home.

Happy birthday, fam.

#stargate atlantis #happy birthday #sga #found space family #elizabeth weir #john sheppard #rodney mckay #teyla emmagan #ronon dex #aiden ford #samantha carter #look I can't name them all

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amyyythestarry · 3 months

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Smiling Critters HCs!

( Mostly Dogday and Catnap )

I’ve gotten interested in Poppy playtime, especially with the smiling critters and me and my sister literally just came up with random hcs and scenarios for them if they had a cartoon. So now I’m sharing the ideas.

Catnap always sleeping.

Dogday and Catnap are the main characters of the show, but Dogday is the only one who is actively committing the role.

( Not to be confused with this being a thing where they are acting in the show or anything. Like, they’re literally just in the show. If that makes sense )

Catnap, in every episode, is either sleeping, observing what’s going on and not really participating that much, or not in the picture in that episode. In this is just something with every episode of the series.

He can sleep automatically, just drop to the floor and knock out. So I feel like he’d use that ability to his advantage, to get out of trouble.

Scenario: Miss Delight comes into the critter’s playroom (?) and asks if anyone ate the last of the cookies and milk without permission.

Everyone is confused, because they’re all saying they didn’t do it. So they just assume someone’s lying, and they argue about it.

Catnap’s asleep somewhere in the corner.

He was sleepy before, but he made himself look busy with napping so nobody would suspect he ate the cookies and milk.

2. Copycat ( Literally an episode name me and my sister created. We are the best brainstormers ever ).

Dogday and the rest of the smiling critters are always trying to get Catnap to play with them/participate in what they are doing.

I imagine Catnap as one of those characters in cartoons that are semi-nonverbal, and just aloof, definitely. So he doesn’t speak much. He can, just doesn’t.

This is an early episode, apart of S1 or something, when they still haven’t heard Catnap say much of anything to them. Sure he plays with them sometimes, but the instances are little to nothing.

They’re in a park for recess, the smiling critters are just playing around with each other and everything. Catnap is in a tree trying to sleep.

And like in literally every episode/day, Dogday notices that Catnap isn’t hanging out with them, so he and his friends goes up to the tree and calls for him.

They all keep calling Catnap’s name, trying to get him to join their game of tag. And little do they know Catnap is kind of tired of their sh** and noisy pestering.

“Hey Catnap, come down and play tag with us!” - Dogday.

Catnap finally turns around to acknowledge the critters, looking down at them from the tree.

“Hey Catnap, come down and play tag with us.”

He purposely mimics what Dogday says.

And Day just replies with a small ‘what?’.

The critters all look at each other, swearing they just heard Nap speak.

“What did you say, Catnap?” - Kickin Chicken.

“What did you say, Catnap?”

Now the critters are actually shocked.

“Catnap, did you just speak?!” - Bobby Bearhug.

”Catnap, did you just speak?!”

He does this enough times to confuse everyone now. And then they actually start to get weirded out and they call Miss Delight.

”Miss Delight, Catnap is acting strange!”

Then Nap walks in suddenly, staring at all of them ( Kind of creepily ), as he says,

“Miss Delight, Catnap is acting strange.”

This continues for the whole episode. Just him copying what his friends say. But ONLY if it mentions his name. Because he’s tired of them always calling his name anyway.

I don’t know how the ep might end, but the smiling critters still bother Nap after the episode his over, and as he has already stopped with the copycat game. That is also deemed as the first time in the show that Catnap has spoken. Not the last, obviously, he continues to talk whenever he needs to, but it’s still kind of seldom.

3. Dogday’s allergies.

Dogs can’t eat a lot of things, so I think Day would not be allowed to eat a lot of things like a realistic dog.

It’s an episode where the critters are enjoying themselves during a picnic, Delight isn’t really around because it’s not a school day.

Picky Piggy offers some cookies to everyone that she made herself, and everyone takes one. Except for Dogday.

His excuse is that he oddly always feels sick whenever he eats chocolate chip cookies specifically, so he doesn’t try to eat cookies much.

Picky just pulls out another cookie flavor, oatmeal chocolate chip, and gives it to Day.

Day takes it, thinking that since this isn’t chocolate chip, it wouldn’t make him feel sick!

After eating two of those cookies, he does in fact feel sick. His stomach hurts and his bones exhaust.

Miss Delight makes him feel better with some special stomachache medicine or something.

All of the critters are confused and curious about this, so they try giving Day other cookies because they think not being able to eat cookies is just devastating.

So the whole episode they all make Day taste different cookies, to see which ones make him sick and which ones don’t. Not like an experiment, just to figure out why can’t he eat cookies like the rest of them.

At the near end, Day feels terrible, and they all go to Delight this time, enlightening her about the cookie problem.

And it instantly clicks to Delight once the children tell her what kind of cookies they’ve been giving to Dogday. M&M, double chocolate, cocoa confetti, and even red velvet cookies.

“Children…. You know, dog’s can’t eat chocolate, right?” - Delight.

They all did, in fact, not know that. Miss Delight tells them about it, and they finally understand why Dogday keeps feeling sick when eating cookies.

By the time Day’s also came to the realization, he vomits, the episode ends.

The next one is probably about Day’s friends taking care of him because he’s sick.

Which leads to my next hc anyways.

4. The conclusion of Dogday that Catnap doesn’t like him.

The reason why Dogday thinks that Catnap doesn’t like him, is because it somehow always seems like Nap is trying to kill him.

One of the instances, he’s always giving Day things he can’t eat.

Literally right after the cookie accident, only two days later, and Catnap gives him a treat of chocolate chip cookies. And milk. Both things Day cannot eat.

Scenario: The smiling critters are having breakfast together, in Miss Delight’s house as she makes them pancakes, eggs, bacon accompanying with vegetables and fruits of their choice.

Nap is sitting next to Day. He has pancakes and purple grapes, he loves grapes. Day has bacon and blueberries, giving that he’s not allowed to eat pancakes ( Diary ) and blueberries being his favorite.

Nap decides to be nice, and give Day some of his food, since he heard from Delight that sharing is caring.

He gives Dogday a grape to show kindness.

And Day only looks at the grape kind of confused. He asked why Nap would give this to him, and Nap doesn’t answer.

So Day just gently placed the grape back on Nap’s plate, telling him ‘no thank you’.

Then a minute passes, Dogday looks over at one of his friends for a bit of a second, and turns back at his plate to get another blueberry.

He sees a blueberry bigger than the others that wasn’t there before. It’s actually purple and not blue.

And oh. It’s a grape.

He turns to Catnap, and sees that the cat is only happily eating his pancakes and grapes. But still gives the fruit back to Nap.

“Sorry, bud, I can’t eat this..”

Catnap looks at him, and doesn’t say anything.

Dogday still side glances at Nap for a little while, to see if he’d do anything. Nap doesn’t do anything. He looks back at his plate. And is utterly bewildered on why all of his five blueberries are gone and why they’re now five purple grapes.

He swears Catnap did not move.

He doesn’t know that Catnap just used his long tail to put the grapes there.

Now he can feel Nap’s eyes on him, and knows he’s expecting him to eat the grapes, so he’s a little nervous.

Day doesn’t eat the grapes, and just tells Miss Delight that Nap keeps trying to get him to eat grapes.

Also, after the cookie accident, Miss Delight thought it was good to teach the kids about what their kinds ( Their animal kinds ) can and cannot eats especially dogs like Day.

Catnap was not listening the whole lecture, so he really has no clue why Day didn’t take his grapes.

I’m gonna make a PT 2!

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neil-gaiman · 2 years

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Honestly, the main reason I sent that ask is because I was up all night freezing in my own home, as you so eloquently put it, so I can get to winter only £400 in debt to the energy company instead of £500.

Unfortunately, I’m not a retired author. Like most people in my situation, I work full time.

So when you use quaint euphemisms like fed or comfortable to mean very wealthy it’s callously insulting.

I know what comfortable money is and if you were getting that from Netflix they’d be paying you less than a customer service supervisor.

Most of the authors who we support at the Authors League Fund don't consider themselves retired, even in their 70s and 80s. They can't afford to retire, and because an author's life is a precarious one, few of them have pensions or savings enough -- and those who do have savings often find that one medical emergency can wipe them out. They'd love to be writing if anyone would publish them, or be teaching, and almost all of them are working however they can to make whatever money they can. And the Fund helps them with the money to eat, to pay dental or medical bills, to get cars back on the road, to pay rent, or pay energy bills. So when I'm talking about copyright feeding authors, I'm not talking about me, specifically, I'm talking about most authors (only 2% of whom can support themselves through their writing alone, per the last statistics I saw, but it may have dropped since then). These aren't "quaint euphemisms". When I say "fed" and "comfortable" I'm talking about survival. (And yes, some of these authors are people you've heard of and whose books you probably love.)

Here's the Author's League Fund link -- please read the link on what we do and how it works, and donations are always very welcome:

And, yes, I'm an international best-selling author: I actually take a pay-cut to work on Good Omens, Anansi Boys and Sandman, because I'd be making vastly more writing new books, instead of showrunning. I'm an outlier in all this, and I'm not pretending I'm not. (I know it's not usual to be making things that have an affect on a whole country's economy, as in https://deadline.com/2022/06/screen-scotland-report-half-billion-dollars-scotland-economy-good-omens-1235051307/.)

But...

If I'd died in my late thirties, back when I wasn't an outlier, with three children under the age of 18, and all my copyrights and royalties had terminated at my death, my kids would have been watching the Sandman and Good Omens TV adaptations, or the Stardust movie, and seeing the books and comics on sale and wondering why it was fair that huge corporations were making enormous amounts of money on their dad's creations, and reprinting his books and comics, while they, too, were struggling to pay for food or heat.

All over the UK people are struggling to pay energy bills. It's obscene. In your part of the world I'm supporting local foodbanks, and several local school "breakfast clubs" and after school groups, because I can afford to and a tiny amount of food makes a huge difference to kids (and to the people who need the foodbank assistance). But I'm not seeing that the awfulness of UK energy policy would be improved by a shorter period of copyright, and if I didn't have the copyright and royalties on things I'd created over 30 years ago, I might not be in a position to help feed people.

Does that help?

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braimin · 15 days

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Currently thinking about A!Zoro and O!Sanji who go absolutely feral during their heats and ruts. Like Sanji has always felt vunerable during his heats so he's incredibly territorial and he refuses to leave his nest. No one can be near his nest during it; even if someone just walks by, they can hear him snarling through the door and if they don't get away quick enough he'll actually come out to fight. He's really violent in the days leading up to it too, he snaps and growls and it kind of weirds everyone out because Zoro is usually the one openly acting like an animal. Sanji also hoards food; the crew can tell he's about to go into a heat because he'll start eating less (he'd never let his pack be affected by his own issues so he'll make sure he's the one taking the cut so he can hide away more food for his heat).

Zoro is already feral in general, but during his ruts he likes being able to show off his strength and the best way for his to get all his excess energy out is for him to go out and run around and fight with people. He can and will leave the 'den' Chopper tries to make him stay in. All he does is wrestle Luffy or swim laps though so none of the crew members worry about him when he's running around in rut. When the crew first got together he wasn't allowed to do that though, because everyone was scared he'd lose control and he's literally one of the strongest on the crew. Having a huge alpha lost in a rut could be detrimental for them. But now they all know how he is and that he has really good control of his instincts so they don't really care.

When Zoro and Sanji first decided to share Sanji's heat the crew does start to worry. They already take their fights too far sometimes, and a heat is such a fragile thing for Sanji. What's gonna happen when he feels backed into a corner or something? Or when Zoro feels like he needs a fight? Chopper tries to tell them it's a bad idea, but both of them are confident it'll be fine. And they're both adults so it's not like anyone can really stop them or tell them no. Chopper does set ground rules for them though. Franky sets up a room for them that's close to the main deck because Chopper told them they needed to be in a place where Sanji could be heard if he needed help. Which is so unfortunate for everyone else because yeah, it's good to make sure they can hear in case of an emergency, but that means they can also hear when Sanji screams about.. other things. But they all agree it's safest this way.

So Sanji's heat comes and on the first day they can hear Sanji yelling about every movement Zoro makes. He yells at him for moving pillows or for not 'feeding him right', there are even a few times where he yells about the way Zoro is breathing. It makes everyone's anxiety about the situation even worse. The second day Sanji doesn't yell as much. But there is a lot of banging, it sounds like they're fighting. At some point Zoro screams about a cheap shot and it becomes apparent that yeah, they're brawling down there. Which is fine. They have yet to take it too far, and it's sounds like they're having fun so it's whatever. Nami sort of hopes this all they do during this heat because she really does not want to hear anything else. By the evening everyone has relaxed because those two haven't freaked out or tried to kill each other. It's absolutely silent for a good few hours and the crew figures they must've tired themselves out and fell asleep.

Until they hear Sanji let out a bloodcurdling scream.

The whole deck goes still except for Luffy who stands up and is immediately making his way to their room. He doesn't get passed the stairs before it changes. It fizzles into a crude laugh, and then it's paired with a laugh from Zoro as well. Sanji talks through his giggles, saying something about winning again and Zoro's voice is much quieter complaining that it's cheating for Sanji to act likes he's hurt. the rest of the crew sags in relief above them. Chopper fully intends to chew Sanji out for that, but he's fairly certain the they were right, spending Sanji's heat together would turn out fine.

#zosan #sanji #zoro #omegaverse #o!sanji #a!zoro #i just think that these boys are dumb and rowdy #they definitely fight and go feral during their heats and ruts #both come out bloody and bruised #franky has to make them a room with padded walls and shit and the cups and plates they use have to be wood or something #or they'll break /everything/#also ya'll ever read those fics about chases?#i think those are.. interesting #in a good way

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trashy-tries-writing · 1 year

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Hii! 🍄Anon is back!!

You said you welcome requests for and about Ravine, right? So I was wondering if I could ask about some of the cod mens reaction to Ravine being a GOD TIER cook?🤤 Like no one would expect him to be able to make such delicious meals but when he does, one bute and you are literally sent to the Gates of heaven. Like you are GONE! Unless you think he's an absolute awful cook? Which in that case just do the opposite. I feel like there be at least one person who would eat his cooking no matter how awful it is (Cough Soap Cough).

Like most people food is the quickest way to my heart so I feel like this be an interesting situation!🍕

Anyways thanks again for liking my dumb random babbles about how cool i think Ravine is! Have a cookie for your prize! 🍪

(Omfg it’s so hard to write with no motivation, jesus 💀 Anon I am so sorry for the wait and if this is a little disappointing😰)

Hi hi 🍄Anon👋

(Thank you for the cookie 😋)

Ravine is a pretty good cook since he took many job offers he could get to earn money for his daughter’s surgery ( Oop he had a daughter?! <o< )

(Soap really be trying not to hurt anyone's feelings but his own taste buds. I feel like Gaz would leave it in his mouth and then spit it out when the cook isn’t watching🤣🤣)

It must have been a hard month for Ravine to volunteer to cook. He sees the team starting to slouch and drag their feet across the dirt like dead weights. At the end of the month they were moving around like shrimps.

Ravine made a whole list for each individual of 141; Los Vaqueros and decided to cook their favorite. (No one will ever know how he got that information.)

Soap is the first one to leave his room and follow the heavenly scent slowly filling the area, then Gaz, Alejandro and the rest.

They are surprised to see Ravine standing in the kitchen and moving around like it was the back of his hand.

The longer they stare from the doorway the more some eyes trail down his body. The sleeves of his t-shirt barely showed the skin of his arm that was hidden behind arm sleeves and his muscles bulged with every move.

Alejandro was tempted to whistle at the back view but Rudy, who had known him for a long time was shaking his head at him but didn't say a thing otherwise.

Gaz slowly steps closer to the cook, commenting how good it smells, to hide the fact he wasn't even eyeing the food in the pan but his arm sleeves that squeezed his biceps just right.

Soap leans away from the doorway to join Ravine's other side, his gaze drifting from the pan and spatula to his hands that were freed from the gloves he always wore. He licks his lips unconsciously at the gracious view gifted to his eyes.

Ravine seems to have different thoughts.

"Out."

"...Huh?"

Gaz and Soap find themselves kicked out of the kitchen with the door closed on their faces. It earns them a chuckle from the others at their expressions.

In Ravine’s eyes the kitchen was just another battlefield, one mess would trigger a second and third. Especially with the giant knives around, Ravine rather not have blood spilled.

The team find themselves at the table and they can’t believe their eyes at the various food displayed in front of them. They all subconsciously turn towards Ravine who leaves the kitchen with a plate of his own.

Rudy kindly asks him if he was going to eat with them but feels disappointed when the cook shakes his head.

He points inside the kitchen at the fridge, “Desserts.” and leaves the amazed group to eat in his room.

Ghost turns his eyes back at his plate and takes a mouthful. It felt like he was eating at a really fancy restaurant, not that he would ever go to such a place.

They serve a giant plate with one bite of food on it and then make you pay over 1000. Such a waste of money. Compared to that Ravine’s food was actually to die for and he would actually pay him that much to cook for him again.

Gaz kind of feels emotional. After such a long and rough month, homemade food was the best for the tiring heart. It was even better when the food tasted like it was cooked by a god.

With each bite, more saliva fills their mouths and a groan of satisfaction leaves them.

Soap swears he saw angels for a second.

Alejandro couldn’t stop complimenting with his mouth still full and Rudy nodded alongside him, both feeling like they were flying among the clouds, weightless and light as a feather.

Soap was the most curious about Ravine. Well, he was the one who showed his interest more verbally and visibly.

The men have so many questions and their curiosity slowly drags them to the depths.

Like is there anything Ravine couldn’t do??? The perfect soldier, a cold looking man but didn’t shy away to show kind gestures. And now they find out that he definitely worked as a chef before and now they want to know more about his life before he became a part of the military.

Hell even Ghost shared more than Ravine ever did and some of the men met Ravine waa-ay before the others.

The food was wolfed down and the plate almost licked clean. (Soap definitely licked it clean without any shame.)

They felt more energetic than the hellish month started and felt thankful for Ravine’s kind gesture. It just bothered them that Ravine was eating alone in his room again, probably working on engine stuff they did not understand while they were sitting in the cozy atmosphere with each other’s company.

Price steps away from the group to check up on the lone man, a bowl filled with watermelon and mango in his hand.

He knocks on the door and waits for Ravine to let him in.

Price can see the plate on his desk, not even halfway done eaten with stacks of paperwork on the other side. He pats the soldier on the back, sighing slightly before telling him to take it easy for once.

“Aye.”

He leaves the fruit bowl beside his dinner and feels content when Ravine visibly perks up. A soft smile spreads on Price’s lips and he would have ruffled his head but the helmet was in the way.

“Enjoy son.”

Extra:

Rudy and Gaz didn’t let Ravine back in the kitchen when they saw him at the sink, about to clean everything himself even though he made such an effort to cook 6 different dishes for them.

They wanted to hug him because it was really delicious but Ravine was already backing away when they inched closer. So they shut the door softly on him so he wouldn’t come back to clean.

Soap and Alejandro really want Ravine to cook again but don’t want to bother him because he’s always busy with something else.

When they find out Ravine likes watermelon and mango, they definitely went to buy more so the fridge was always stocked with it.

Ghost lent a helping hand to Ravine whenever he could to thank him for the wonderful dinner.

Price makes sure he has less paperwork if he can help it.

#MW2 #cod mw #cod mw2 #modern warfare 2 #call of duty #cod x male reader #mw2 x male reader #x male reader #141 x male reader #John Price #Kyle Gaz Garrick #Simon Ghost Riley #John Soap MacTavish #König #Phillip Graves #Alejandro Vargas #Rodolfo Rudy Parra #Los Vanqueros

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sammunmak · 3 months

Text

Specs & Max Freelance Police in: Hells-A-Poppin'!

+ sam’s vices !!

this is basically an au idea i had for the alt timeline! i wrote out all the changes to the first two seasons, but it's a bit on the longer side so i'm sticking it under the cut.

this takes place immediately after sam and max steal the elevator from their future selves. there’s no obvious changes at first. the director gives them another contract after telling her they misplaced the first one, but not without threat of not giving them another one if they manage to misplace this one. once they wrap up the case and free myra stump from the hypnosis, they take the elevator (and their music contract) with them and put it away in storage, vowing to never speak of the possibility that they just killed their future selves again. ah well, knowing themselves, they probably survive. everything else afterwards is pretty much the same, though when sam and max see superball for the first time sam asks max if he looks familiar. max takes one look at him and proudly declares nope, not at all, and that’s the end of that.

the first major change happens in 106.

hugh: for in all the universe, there’s only one force chaotic and destructive enough to stop me now! but you wouldn’t do that, would you max?

max: who, ME? well, i’m- i’m flattered, but-

hugh: no you wouldn’t, not without your trusty partner, at least.

max: huh?

sam: what exactly are you implying?

hugh: i’m going to… drumroll, please… [drumroll] separate your bliss!

max: really?

sam: what does that even mean?!

hugh: it means i chop off every part of you i don’t like! it’s like circumcision, but double the laughs.

max: he-ey!

sam: quiet, knucklehead.

sam gets split into 3 vices. gluttony, greed, and wrath. wrath is formed from sam’s right ear, greed is formed from sam’s left hand (it even keeps the wedding band!), and gluttony is formed from. well, the stomach. max loses all romantic interest he had in hugh bliss in that moment.

max is very annoyed about the whole situation. he never has to do work on their cases, and suddenly he’s being forced to figure everything out on his own! but seeing sam’s awful blissed-out state is worse. blissed-out sam is basically just a big puppy. all smiles, completely clueless about everything around him, and has to be led around by his remaining hand if max wants him to go anywhere. max considers shooting him every time he makes a comment about hugging trees or something sentimental crap like that, but one look at that big dopey grin on sam’s face and he just can’t do it. he needs to turn sam back quickly, he’s turning into a sap just being near this… shell of his partner.

wrath is in the sanctuary, threatening the COPS for information on max’s whereabouts (yes it’s just noir sam lol). when max and bliss sam finally make their appearance, wrath almost immediately tries to shoot bliss sam. max stops it, of course. it seems like max is the only person wrath won’t lash out against. max has to open one of bluster blaster’s side panels, then get wrath close enough to it to shut the panel on his ear, pulling it off wrath when it tries freeing itself.

once sam gets his ear back, he seems to randomly decide to shoot at max.

max: what was that for?!

sam: i dunno, it just felt right.

when max walks into bosco’s store, he immediately makes eye contact with gluttony sam, who’s sitting on the floor eating a giant tub of ice cream. it doesn’t seem very interested in eating actual people (haha foreshadowing?) in the freezer are a bunch of popsicles. max can grab one and give it to gluttony, who’ll chomp it down wrapper and all. max has to put jimmy two-teeth into one of the wrappers in order to get gluttony to eat him, then pull out jimmy and sam’s stomach with the magic hat.

sam: anyone else suddenly got a hankerin’ for a fudgie freeze?

max: you don’t know how glad i am to hear you say those words.

greed is inside the office, hoarding just about everything in there and more. somehow there’s items in here max didn’t even know they had. or maybe greed just grabbed everything not bolted down to the floor on the way back to the office.

max has to buy bosco’s invention (which is just a big magnet), then use the spoon bending talisman to pull the spork out of the hugh bliss statue’s hand, give it to greed, and then use the magnet to drag its ass towards him and just yank sam’s hand off it.

sam: are you using that magnet?

max: nope! it’s all yours.

upon collecting all 3 vices, sam returns to normal, and they can now go fight hugh bliss. cue world of max :)

not much else changes until 204.

once they enter momma bosco’s store and accidentally reveal max’s lack of interest in girls, momma bosco becomes infatuated with him. sam and max try and argue against this for a while, until max tells her that he’s a married man.

ms b: i don’t see a ring on your finger.

max: well check again!

max flashes his left hand, revealing a bare ring finger. oh. he didn’t put on his ring today. sam is missing his ring as well. seems they got a bit excited when flint invited them on a case with him and forgot them.

(not gonna lie this whole puzzle isnt fully fleshed out. the whole plan would be that they have to go back to their prom and essentially crash it in order to help max realize he doesn’t like girls. i did also have the idea of superball printing marriage certificates instead of patents, which they’d need to grab one from him and hang it on the corkboard in the near future, then go to the distant future and take their wedding rings from their future selves. if i do ever have an idea of how exactly this all pans out i’ll make it into a fic or something. for now tho this is the best i could come up with.)

max is very proud to show off his new wedding ring to momma bosco.

later on, sam is glad he kept that music contract on him, once one of the pedros asks for one.

of course, despite keeping their past selves from boarding the UFO, the elevator is still oddly enough missing when they run back to it.

max: hey, the elevator’s gone! what gives?

sam: hmm… remember what got us into this whole mess, the temporal anomalies and whatnot? maybe it’s another one of those? maybe this is the universe’s way of trying to correct the timeline, and we have to leave the same way our future selves did, since we’re-

max: alright, alright! less talky more- figuring out how to get off this dang ship!

ah well, having two elevators seems a bit overkill anyway.

not so long later, in 205:

sam: you better release our pals’ souls from hell, cause my excitable little friend is getting angry.

max: and i’m angry, too!

satan: there’s no need for that kind of talk. i’ll gladly release your friends. just sign this release.

max: hold on sam, i got this!

sam: …you sure, max?

max: positive! watch this. [he pulls out a crayon and scribbles his name on the contract]

satan: and that’s that.

sam: well that was pretty easy.

satan: now just do me a favor and think of the most horrible thing you can imagine.

max: ooh, that might take a second, there’s so many- oh, maybe- wait no, i’ve got it!

satan: good. now off you go!

[max disappears]

sam: sweet summering sausages sweltering on a busy sidewalk, what did you do?!

satan: he traded his soul for that of all your friends. they never read the fine print. now max will spend eternity in his own personal hell!

max: back in the office? where’s my partner?

specs: i’m over here!

max finds himself stuck inside a now very tidy office with specs, the neat freak of the soda poppers.

max: so where’s my REAL partner?

specs: what are you talking about, i AM your real partner.

max: uh, no. last i checked my partner was a six foot tall dog in a suit, not… you.

specs: oh, max. clearly you’re confused. you’ve always had a terrible memory. but don’t worry, i’m here to keep everything in order for you.

max is just about ready to start ripping out patches of his fur when he sees sam, sticking his big nose through the hole in their office wall. after a bit of arguing, max remembers the key card. he yells at sam to use it so they can kick demon’s spec’s ass together. when sam gets in there they do just that, ending in sam throwing the demon out the open window. with max’s personal hell defeated and leonard’s soul free they leave and finally go and confront satan.

as a bonus, a fun change to a piece of dialogue in 201:

sam: how long do you think it’ll take for one of us to kick the bucket?

max: i dunno, but i think if one of us were to go, the other would follow very close behind. maybe not even by choice!

sam: does that mean if i go first, i can take you with me?

max: sure does! in fact, i encourage it!

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harmlessghosty · 2 months

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Saw the vamp!touchstarved character braunrote and I offer my opinions:

Vampire Vere would be ruthless before he really falls in love with reader. He's greedy and wouldn't think twice about draining someone. But tbh I think when he gets close/serious with reader he'd still be greedy and messy and shit but he'd drink readers blood like it's fine wine. He gets his main fix from other victims but really savours reader. Expect it to be extremely bloody tho, he likes it to look like a crime scene xD

Leander for sure tries to kinda hide it. Not hardcore, bit he tries not to tell EVERYONE. He won't go our of his way but also you wouldn't know by just looking at him. I also think he'd be hesitant to drink from his SO and would make it way romantic, or at least he'd try

Mhin would go out of their way to hide that their a vampire. Would NEVER EVER dream of drinking from a person. They and up having to do it but they won't be happy. Also if their SO asked for them to drink their blood Mhin would refuse 100 times before agreeing. Feels very bad that they actually enjoyed it.... Might have gone a bit overboard too (vere did find out and tease them to hell and back fs)

I don't have much on Ais and Kuras rn cause... Brain empty

VAMPIRE TOUCHSTARVED BRAINROT, LET’S GOOOO! I love love LOVE all of your headcanons. Absolutely love them.

—

Vampire Vere would definitely not think twice about murder. MC would find him dabbing at his crimson lips with bloodstained, monogrammed handkerchiefs more often than not. And when he wants to feed from his beloved? It’s an entire show he puts on. They get a candlelit room, a nice hot meal, tons of fluffy pillows and blankets…the whole nine yards, before he leans so close, his breath runs across the nape of their neck. “You smell delightful,” he whispers, a firm kiss pressing to their skin. “I’m sure you don’t mind that I eat after all of this preparation I’ve done for you, hm?”

Leander DEFINITELY tries to hide it. There are rumors, of course, swirling around Eridia, but no one really knows what’s true and what’s not. Turns out, being a contracted killer really helps conceal his vampiric identity! He can easily do away with bodies and no one will ask questions. Why do criminals keep appearing with two holes in the same spot on their neck? Weird. Maybe someone should hire Leander to look into that and find the culprit…and of course, he’ll take MC along for the journey, which seems a bit more roundabout than it should be. If he needs to feed during the trip, then perhaps they’re a good source of sustenance. After all, does it matter if his beloved knows his secret? They won’t tell a soul unless they’re trying to get themselves mysteriously killed too…

Mhin would never drink from a person…unless they’re absolutely starving to death. Even then, I imagine it to be a moment of disgust with themself—retching and vomiting the first few times they feed, then admitting they need to drink blood for their survival and doing it as humanely as possible. They knock out their victims and only drink until the hunger has barely subsided. They choose spots beneath clothes where marks could be mistaken for bug bites. Mhin struggles to admit they like MC’s blood more than anyone else’s; they really wish they didn’t, but they can’t get enough of it, to the point that they find it difficult to sleep beside them at night without absentmindedly running their fangs along MC’s skin. They’re just so hungry around their partner. Maybe…just a little sip…

Ais is a voracious beast and doesn’t try to hide his vampiric nature even a little bit. Everyone knows he’s dangerous, and everyone avoids him like the plague. And naturally, Ais with Vere is…horrifying. There’s a lot of begging for him to give mercy and let them live, but he’s no fool. If he lets too many of his victims live, then surely people will find a way to gang up on him. While that’s an interesting proposition, he’s not sure he wants to fight a dozen weak-ass humans when he’d much rather fight someone of his own caliper; humans are just too pathetic. When he meets MC, he’s constantly teasing them with flashes of his long fangs. “Scared? Should be, little sparrow,” he says, scrubbing dried blood off of his knuckles. He even sneaks up to feed from them, thinking MC will just be another victim, but somehow becomes smitten with their taste instead. They should be savored. It’s much more satisfying tasting them on occasion than devouring them whole so quickly.

Kuras is meticulous. He’s very much prone to drawing blood through proper means and drinking it from simple testing tubes in shot-like doses. If a patient needs a transfusion or a blood test, he’ll simply take an extra vial or two as payment. Yes, he feels guilty at first, but he can’t allow himself to starve when he needs to help the people of Eridia as a consequence of his terrible past. When MC is discovered practically bled out and armless, he makes sure to put them back together and doesn’t take a sample, not even a little, but he strongly considers it. He even has to wipe drool from his lips because they simply smell so strongly of beautiful blood. When they get closer to him and realize his true nature, he offers little more than a calm smile. “Would you like to sustain me as well, or do you prefer our current partnership instead?”

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