#did i ruin myself man did i lie to myself so bad i cant even trust myself to be right about how i feel anymore. i dont know. i dont know man | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aetherarf · 3 years

Note

Hi there!! Can i please request for something with childe, kaeya, diluc, xiao and zhongli where the reader is very shaken and they find out it's because the reader was harassed? Have a wonderful day! :)

Yep! Here it is!

I hope you have a wonderful day too!

[ i... don't like how it turned out but in the end i cant figure another way to do it. ]

[[ WARNING: HARASSMENT ]]

[[ Summary: You just wanted to go about your own business and not cause problems... But it seems not everyone respected that. Mostly unharmed, but a little worse for wear... You just wanted to hide for a little bit. What better place than in his arms?

Total Word Count: 2'485

Childe Word Count: 594

Kaeya Word Count: 377

Diluc Word Count: 621

Xiao Word Count: 422

Zhongli Word Count: 471 ]]

Childe

You, weakly, rubbed at your lower back, it still aching when you landed on the ground--hard--and how it was jabbed with a rock or... Something. It hurt, severely. You'd be alright, just... People being too rough, probably drunk or... Maybe high.

You half-limped, half-shuffled your way into the house, pulling off your coat and setting it on a hook, and kicking off your damned shoes. But, your moment of peace and quiet was quickly ruined by the sound of Childe's heavy footsteps, when he came running like an oversized pup.

He almost dove at you in a hug, but you flinched, "Don't!" You shouted... And he stopped, stunned, arms wide open for a hug, looking at you with fear. "I... I'm hurting a little, I just didn't want you to accidentally make it worse."

That calmed Childe, only a little. "Alright--can I still hug you, though? I'll be gentle." He reassured, sweetly, and you nodded. He simply hugged you close, pressing your body to his, and-

Your knees buckled, and you felt his arms tighten, groaning in pain at the sensation. Then, you realized you were being moved, and eventually sat down in a chair.

Your legs gave out, you only just realized.

"I... I'm sorry," you muttered, "I've... I'm really out of it. I'm okay, I promise."

Childe shook his head, "No, nono, you're not allowed to do that. Don't comfort me, something's wrong with you."

You stared for a moment... And sighed.

"I just got..." You thought, trying to figure out a way to word it that wouldn't make him run outside in a homicidal rage, "People made bad decisions, got a little handsy, and I got pushed around a bit... I'm just tired." You tried to convince him, but he got on one knee in front of you, to better look at your face as you sat.

"And do you know these people?" He asked, eyes wide but the rest of his face lacking any readable expression.

"No," you said, instantly, "Childe... Ajax, you're scaring me. You know I don't like it when you... Get like this."

Childe blinked once-twice, and his expression softened. "I'm sorry... I just-I don't like the idea of anyone hurting you... Even myself."

You cupped his jaw, sweetly, and smiled. "I know," you said, softly. "I know you don't. But I'm okay. We're okay. I'm just tired." You smiled a little wider, "I'll write down names next time, okay?" You half joked, "and my powerful warrior can go defend my pride and... Purity, I guess."

He chuckled, "Purity? I've defiled that already..." He only laughed for a few moments... And went quiet. "Do you need help getting to bed? I can order food, or if you want, I can get us some drinks... Or whatever you want." He insisted, still smiling happily.

"Can you just rub my back? I hit it hard when I fell..."

His eyes widened again, "Is-Is that why you fell, did you hit your spine-"

"No," you quickly reassured, "I fell because I'm exhausted."

He stared at you... Unsure.

"Alright. Let's get you to bed so I can rub your back how you like."

Which meant he was going to half help, half drag you to bed, get you undressed, lie you on your front until you dozed off, softly breathing from the relaxation

And he'd always end up waking you a tiny bit when he put you onto your side, a pillow between your knees, and a kiss on your cheek.

But you couldn't ever manage to be angry about it.

Kaeya

"I'm home!" Kaeya cheered--he had even gotten a bottle of wine to... well, he would say celebrate, but there wasn't anything to celebrate. Maybe just to enjoy the night, to make something from nothing.

But there was no reply... he figured it wasn't anything to worry about, maybe you were showering, or something... he set the bottle down on the table, resolving to come back to it a little later that night, getting off his coat, setting it on the chair... better to not risk ruining that, after all.

As he walked through the halls, looking around for you, wondering if you had gone out for something, he saw light from the bathroom, smiling--And he walked to see...

You were staring at the mirror, shaking like a leaf in the wind, eyes wide... but somehow empty of any emotion, of any life, as though you were just a statue.

He took a few steps over, "... Baby?" He asked, softly, and you jumped, eyes wide in horror--you were still wet, and a towel wrapped around you.

"Just me, just me..." He soothed, softly, and you took a deep breath...

"I'm sorry," you said, softly, "I've... just had a hard day."

Kaeya walked past you into the bathroom, grabbing a second towel to help dry you off, figuring you'd need such help, "Do you want to talk about it?"

For several long moments, you looked in the mirror, seeing Kaeya gently taking care of you, from fixing your hair to gently tucking up the towel covering you, as though he had not seen you completely naked several times before.

"We don't have to talk," he finally said, "I got wine, would that help?" He asked, a smile that bled concern.

"No," you admitted, genuinely, "I don't want to drink. I'm sorry."

He tsk'd his tongue gently, "Sorry this, sorry that, but what are you apologizing for?" He teased, gently, "You've had a rough day, and you're tired, and there's a few bruises on you... You did nothing but your best... and survive." He pressed a kiss to your cheek.

"How about we go cuddle and you can tell me if you want, and if not, I can read to you."

"... that sounds nice. Thank you, Kaeya."

"You're welcome, sweetness."

Diluc

Maybe you liked to abuse the fact that you got free wine just a little bit. Diluc would always give it to you, within reason, and it's not like you were using him only for free wine!

It was just a nice bonus.

But the loud, crass tavern was not. Another one of those nights when people got paid and decided to blow their newfound money on drink, and then look into their wallets confused the next day, wondering where it had all gone. Diluc didn't even need an explanation, silently wishing he could leave with you, as he gave you a glass to enjoy outside--less people went outside during these days, for whatever reason.

You leaned back in your seat, backrest lightly tapping against the stone wall behind you, tilting the glass to your lips as you sipped lightly, savoring the taste....

Ah, if only Charles could be working tonight. Right now, cuddling up to warm, snuggly Diluc was a lot more appealing than sitting alone with the wind threatening to pick up and to start cutting at your skin. Just one night, not even one full night, just a few more hours and you could both go home

"Hey tiny," You heard a voice say, and you looked over, seeing a man pull up a seat next to you--you could see why he would call you tiny, he himself was quite massive in size, "What's someone like you doing out alone in the cold?" He leaned over the table, setting one elbow on it as he propped his head up with one hand. No longer sitting back, you straightened your spine and set down your glass with more force than was necessary back onto the table.

"I apologize," you said, "But I'm not in the mood for talking."

"Well," he said, sitting up again, "Maybe I'm not either," he pushed himself to his feet, his hands on the table, and you were effectively trapped--he able to easily block your escape whether you went around either side of the table, or if you went under or above it.

Fingertips trembled around your glass of wine, and you had an idea, standing slowly, and you walked around one side of the table, slowly, and he closed in, smiling wide--

You cracked the glass across his face, it shattering and slicing open his cheek, he reeling for just a moment from the shock, and the pain, you dashing over to the door, tears in your eyes as you finally got over to the door, fumbling desperately for a second until it flung open, and you ran in.

Diluc all but jumped over the bar upon seeing your distress through the crowd, Kaeya shouting in surprise, but it went forgotten as he rushed over you, holding you close to him, the bar gone silent.

You, for a second, just sobbed into his chest, "I... Diluc, he's outside, he..."

It was deafening to hear your own voice with so many people surrounding. Diluc's eyes narrowed, glaring--for a moment, you wondered if he was angry at you, but still hold your wrist tight, he went out front, dragging you along.

When the two of you found yourself outside, there was no one, but spilled wine, shattered glass, and a little blood was evident. You looked at Diluc as he scanned the area... and he looked back to you.

"I'm sorry," he said, softly. "... Kaeya owes me. I'll tell him to staff the bar, and then we'll go home... did he...?"

You shook your head, "Just... scared me."

He nodded, "You know I won't judge you."

"... I know. Thank you."

"... Mn. This night's gone on long enough, lets go home and get it over with already."

Xiao

Tourist, many would call you, even if you came to the Wangshu Inn not to simply say you came, but to see someone you truly care for... and perhaps, from time to time, you focus on commissions instead, but this said someone is always worth it, with the few, loving touches he offer.

People got rowdy, and you could only panic when they grabbed you by the wrists, a big and powerful man. Only because several others were able to pry him off of you did you escape, majorly, unharmed. Your hands tingled, the grip too tight and too crushing, and you could tell they'd be bruised. It could've been worse, but...

All you wanted was to sit down and relax with his head on your lap, and surrounded by a comfortable silence.

You found your way to your usual room, and you sat down at a chair next to a table, lifting your hands and gently rubbing at your wrists... Maybe you should go purchase a salve before he got here? You didn't need to demand he appear immediately, you were alright with waiting, much to his dismay when you would have fallen asleep without him, he having to, stealthy, crawl into bed with you...

"... You're early."

You jumped, and Xiao stood there, spinning his spear in one hand, and then it disappeared into fragments of light, dismissed for the time being.

"Well, I missed you." You said, with a smile. He didn't smile--but that was normal. He walked over to you, and grabbed your hand, turning it so your wrist faced upwards, and he glared at the redness, the bruises already forming.

"What happened?" He asked, then grabbing for your other hand, doing the same and his scowl only increasing as he realized it was on both wrists.

"Just... a drunkard." You said, plainly, "People do stupid things when they drink."

He didn't seem pleased with that answer, "They hurt you." His hands trembled, but he was careful to not crush your hands, still holding them delicately.

"Everyone gets hurt," you tried to soothe his anger, "I'll be okay. I promise... I'm just... sore."

He sighed, "I'm going to get you something to put on that-" he tried to move, but you held onto his hands--tight enough that he couldn't easily pull them away.

"No, no..." You muttered, softly, "You never hold my hands. Stay? For a few minutes?"

He stared down at your hands... and held on a little tighter, taking a seat near you.

"... just a few minutes."

Zhongli

The door swung open, slamming against the nearby wall, and it creaked weakly as it tried to, slowly, swing back to it's closed position.

Zhongli jumped, his spear in hand, summoned by little more than instinct as he heard the noise, but there was no intruder, only you, as you ran and held him, sobbing into his chest.

Without any effort, his spear disappeared, and his arms wrapped around you, holding you close in a firm but still gentle hold.

"Love..." He whispered, softly, "What's wrong?"

For several long moments, you didn't say anything, and he just looked over you... Labored breathing, likely from running, or perhaps just distress.

He couldn't see any injuries, nor smell blood, even with his keen sense of smell, so perhaps you were... Fine?

... hm.

Eventually, your sobbing turned from cries to whimpers, and he managed to get you to sit down.

"Here," he set down some tissues, "The door is open. I'm going to go close it, get you some water, then... We can talk about it, okay?"

Through sniffles, you nodded, and he did as he said: The soft sound of the door clicking, running water, and then he came back, setting the glass down and lifting you effortlessly, setting you onto his lap before grabbing the glass and offering it to you once again.

"Did something do something to you?" He asked, voice low and smooth, as always, but softer than normal, as though he was afraid he could accidentally break you with his words.

Choked up, you slowly managed to explain it, all but being dragged into an alley, your head bashed against the stone ground, and you barely got away, so upset you couldn't think.

He was calm, but were you not present, he would be shredding some poor, poor vermin of Liyue to shreds.

Instead, he pressed a kiss atop your head, gently.

"I'm going to make sure there's no lasting damage, alright?" He knew the signs to look for, after all, "If there is, I will escort you to a healer... If not, would you like to go to sleep? You seem quite tired."

You nodded, and he made quick work. A bruise was forming on your scalp, oh, there'd be a bump, but a few more moments of examining your features, your eyes, and ensuring you were responding properly...

He held out a little bit of medicine, "Nothing that won't heal on its own, this can make it a bit more tolerable, my dear," he hummed, sweetly, and held out his arms for you, patiently waiting for you to jump into them so he could sweep you up and tuck you into bed...

Silently ruing that he couldn't protect you, but promising himself he'd work harder to ensure you wouldn't have to come home crying like this again.

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #zhongli #childe #xiao #kaeya #diluc #zhongli x reader #childe x reader #xiao x reader #kaeya x reader #diluc x reader #bark writes #anonymous #request

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wonderwomanfantasy · 3 years

Text

Kenma’s kitten

Happy birthday to me 🥰🥳 and as a birthday present to myself here is a nasty kenma fic because no one requested anything for my best boy and since I mention cold weather this does count as a Christmas fic.

Kenma x reader, Kuroo x reader, Nekoma team x reader

warnings: okay here we go, Smut, degradation, oral, group sex, squirting, crying, hair pulling, overstim, No beta we die like men.

word count: 4,000 (about)

sumarry: Kenma (and kuroo) fuck you while the rest of the team listens in on discord

It started innocently enough. Just sitting on Kenma’s lap while he plaid some game with the other Nekoma boys. It was nice to sit and cuddle with him even when he was busy with something else. Despite the cold snowy weather, his body was warm and it was making you a little sleepy.

Kenma had tried to teach you how to play this particular game but you sucked at it and you much preferred just watching him play. But after a while, you grew bored watching the same map over and over again as he gunned down opponents left and right.

So you climbed off his lap to stretch your legs promising to return with snacks. You could hear Kuroo laugh through the headset teasing Kenma about how much you babied him. When you came back Kenma lifted his arms making room for you on his lap. Instead, you smirked, Kenma didn’t seem to struggle with this game at all, why not make it a little challenging for him?

You smiled and sank to your knees running your hands over his thighs. Kenma’s eyes went wide before shrugging and turning back to his game, yelling at lev like nothing was happening. You didn’t mind, you could make him pay attention to you. Kenma angled his hips up letting you tug down his sweatpants revealing his red boxers.

You rested your chin on his thigh running your hands over his crotch feeling his soft cock jump as you run your palm over him. He was breathing a little heavier, now as his length twitched to life under your touch, his cheeks turning pink. Kenma canted his hips up to meet your hand. His gold eyes dropped from the screen to meet your gaze momentarily.

Obediently you reached inside his boxers and pulled out his half-hard cock, stroking it lightly with one hand. You ran your thumb over the slit making him gasp.

“Kenma? Are you okay?” someone asked over the headset

“I’m fine,” he grunted back, glaring at you. You continued to bob your hand up and down feeling each vein and curve of his length. Kenma’s cock was thin and long curved upwards with a pretty pink head and a mess of tangled pubic hair at the base of his groin. You reached over and snagged a bottle of lube out of his desk drawer, you were lucky Kenma kept his sex stuff next to his gaming stuff. You popped the cap and squirted a little in your palm before slicking it down his cock.

Kenma, normally quiet, let out a hiss at the feeling of the cold slick touching him, the wet clicking of your hand as it traveled up and down his shaft was louder than you expected and you worried that some of the boys might hear.

“Kenma? You okay?”

“I got shot,” your boyfriend mumbled back, a lie you were sure,

“Keep your eyes on the game baby,” you teased, earring you a glare. Kenma, who seemed to be enjoying your hand job, was seeming to get used to the friction, and his attention turned back to his game, you couldn’t have that, you put both hands on his cock jerking him off in unison before twisting your hands in opposite directions as you jerked him off making his hips buck. You could see his pretty gold eyes roll back inside his head, his hand going limp around his controller almost dropping it on your head.

“Put it your mouth,” he grunted regaining his control you smiled and mouthed

“make me” you mouthed

“What was that Kenma?” Kuroo asked over the controller and you froze, had your little game been ruined? Surly your shy boyfriend would blush and shut the game off in embarrassment, or so you thought.

Instead, he took his hand off the controler and ran his fingers through your hair yanking your head towards his cock.

“(y/n) is sucking me off, or at least, She should be, She’s kind of being a brat,” he growled into the microphone. You could hear the other boys laughing and Lev even whine about how much he wished his girlfriend would suck him off while he gamed. Your cheeks went bright red, you opened your mouth to defend yourself but Kenma shoved you forward again and you ended up with his cock in your mouth gagging you.

There was another chorus of laughter as they heard you gag. “I thought you said she was sucking your dick not choking on it,” Yaku called

“Is there a difference?” Kenma asked, your eyes were watering, a result of his cockhead bumping the back of your throat. You fought back your gag reflex and slowly took the rest of his cock down your throat until your tongue was hanging against his balls, your nose pressed firmly into his pubic hair.

“Is she deep throating you?” someone asked.

“Yeah, little slut it real good at taking cock down her throat,” he scoffed fisting in your hair and dragging your head back up, you tried not to choke once he shoved his cock back down your throat but you couldn’t help but splutter a little bit making everyone cheer again. You felt humiliated, there was a whole team of boys laughing at you while you sucked Kenma’s cock.

“They’re saying some really nasty things about you baby you want to hear?” Kenma asked by taking off his headset and putting the headphones around your ears, angling the microphone to pick up the lewd sound of you sucking his cock.

“What a slut, you couldn’t even wait until he was offline to get his dick huh?”

“Who knew or manager was such a greedy little cock slut,”

“Bet you let him cum in your mouth and swallow it all,”

“Nah man Kenma probably busts all over her face and tits and makes ‘em lick it up”

“Fuck I want to cum on (y/n)’s face,”

“I bet she’d let you, whores like that will take any dick that comes their way,”

“You think she’d let me fuck her ass while she sucked off Kenma? That’s hot”

All the while Kenma put both of his hands in your hair, the game long forgotten, he carded his hands through your hair so he could bob your head for you setting a brutal pace, not giving you a moment’s rest. He was being extra mean for your audience.

Kenma released his hold on you momentarily pulling out his phone and snapping a quick picture, the flash blinding you.

There was a collective groan in your ear as the boys opened the photo Kenma sent

“Ew, I don’t want to see Kenma’s dick,”

“Shut up Fukunaga it’s not like it’s nothing you haven’t seen before,”

“Awe (Y/n) is the one wearing the headset. Does that mean you can hear us right now, miss manager?” you let out a broken moan in answer.

“Awe don’t feel too bad (y/n), you look so pretty with a cock in your mouth and with tears in your eyes,” someone cooed. And the other boys agreed. Suddenly the vile comments were now aimed at you directly

“You should take out your tits and let Kenma hump your chest,”

“Kenma’s cock isn’t even that big you’d probably die trying to take my fat dick,”

“(y/n) how wet are you?”

“Yeah show us that wet little cunt,”

“What are they saying? They want to see you naked?” Kenma asked, only catching bits of the conversion. You nodded. And he smirked.

“Why don’t you let me use this mouth to get off then I’ll repay the favor,” he whispered, He started bucking his hips faster, fucking your mouth faster than you could handle,

“Oh, it sounds like Kenma is going to cum,”

“Damn I wish we could see,”

They were right, Kenma buried himself to the hilt inside your mouth and let out a strangled cry as hot cum filled your mouth.

“Don’t you dare swallow yet I want to see it,” he growled, you did your best not to swallow the salty liquid. Kenma pulled back and took out his phone again. You knew what he wanted without him having to say it.

You cupped your hands beneath your chin and stuck your tongue out, the cum dripped out of your mouth onto your chin and down your neck. Again the flash blinded you as Kenma snapped a picture. And again you could tell the exact moment the photo sent in the discord server because of the collective groan that came from your headphones.

“Fuck you’re so hot (y/n),”

“I’m going to fucking cum,”

“Such a good little cum slut,”

“She’s pretty isn’t she?” Kenma asked into the microphone picking you up on shaky legs sitting you down in his chair. “Take off your clothes baby,” he ordered. There were whoops and hollers encouraging you to “strip for daddy,” even though they couldn’t see you it still felt like you were getting naked in front of the whole team. You stripped quickly, only taking the headset off momentarily to take off your shirt. You sat back down on the chair, bare. You shivered slightly, you hadn’t realized how cold it was in his room.

“Keep talking to her,” Kenma ordered into the mic before sinking to his knees. He threw your legs over his shoulders and started attaching your cunt with his mouth. You yelped as he rolled your clit between his teeth

“What’s going on?”

“Yeah what’s he doing to you?”

“Jesus you yowl like a cat in heat,”

You gulped and struggled to find your voice, when you spoke it came out husky, probably because of the rough throat fucking you’d just endured.

“H-he’s eating my pussy,” you whined and you could feel Kenma smirk against your folds, his tongue darting out to circle your entrance and lap at the wetness that had already leaked out.

“Damn lucky,”

“I bet that little pussy is so sweet,”

“Nah she’s a whore you can probably taste the dick on her, I’d never go down on a slut like that.”

“I’m surprised Kenma is eating her out. He didn't seem like the type.”

You could feel Kenma smile again before his tongue went up to circle your clit, at the same time two of his narrow, dextrous fingers slipped inside of you making you cry out again.

“What did he do now (y/n)?”

“Bet he put his tongue in her,”

“Nah I bet she likes it better when he sucks on her clit,”

“Maybe he’s playing with her ass.”

“Fingers,” you moaned breathily. Then cried out when Kenma stroked your g-spot

“Keep telling us what he’s doing,”

“Keep moaning baby girl give me something to jerk off too,”

“God, you should stream this next time if you’re going to tease us like this.”

You did your best to narrate what was happening but it was hard when your head was spinning.

“H-his tongue is on m-my clit and he’s fingering me,” you whimpered “my hands are in his hair, t-too keep him where I want him,”

“Ohhh I should have guessed Kenma was the kinky likes getting his hair pulled type.”

“What about you kitty do you like getting your hair pulled while you get fucked?” just as the question was asked Kenma sucked on your clit harshly.

“YES!” you shrieked bucking your hips against your boyfriend’s face. And there was a peel of laughter from the other boys.

“Ahhh he’s probably j-just doing this to make you jealous Kenma h-hates going down on me normally,” you admitted tugging on his hair again.

“Awe that’s a shame princess, I’d eat your pussy every night if you let me,”

“Fucking dick,”

“He doesn’t let us fuck you but he won’t even fuck you properly himself? Lame,”

“FUCK KENMA!” you shrieked as his fingers hit a particularly sensitive spot inside of you. You felt him smirk against your clit as he suckled your sex.

“You sound so pretty when you moan my name,” he murmured around you. “Keep moaning baby let them know who’s making you feel so good,” he ordered, and even if you had wanted to keep quiet you didn’t think you could. You couldn’t stop yourself from moaning loudly, just like you couldn’t stop yourself from humping his mouth as he kept fucking you with his mouth, his tongue dipping down to tease your entrance with your fingers.

“She’s so loud,”

“I’m kind of into it,”

“Bet he has to gag her half the time,”

“Jesus you heard her when she was sucking his cock a gag barely dose anything,”

“Are you going to cum kitty? You sound like you’re close,”

“Fuck yes I’m close,” you moaned

“P-please Kenma let me cum I’ve been so good please,” you begged looking down at him but he gave no indication that he would let you.

“You have been good haven’t you,” someone snickered

“Awe Kenma wouldn’t be mean enough to stop you from cumming right?”

“He might Kenma is a real jerk,”

“Just to you Lev, I doubt he’s a dick to his girlfriend,”

You didn’t know whether or not you should be glad the attention was off of you. You had kind of enjoyed it when they were mocking you. Then again you were too close to your orgasm to care

“I’m going to cum oh fuck Kenma I’m going to cum,” you whined your legs shaking. You tried to pull away from his mouth the pleasure was too much for you to handle. Kenma didn’t let you go, he hooked his arms around your thighs keeping you flush against his mouth.

“Oh, baby you sound so good when you’re about to cum,”

“Your wet pussy is so loud,”

“Damn Kenma is getting into it,”

“Whatever I could still eat her out better,”

The tight ball of pleasure in your core snapped sending you spiraling into ecstasy, you were too distracted to even check if the loud moan you let out was embarrassing or not. Kenma softly kissed your cunt and gave small kitten licks to your clit as he pulled his fingers out of you leaving you shaking.

There was a sudden knock at the door making you flinch, and your eyes went wide.

“Kenma who is that?” you hissed trying to cover up your naked lower half.

“Relax it’s just Kuroo,” Kenma said getting off his knees

“What the fuck do you mean it’s just Kuroo? Did you invite him over?” you demand, ignoring the chaos currently going on in the headset

“Yeah He asked if he could fuck you a little bit and I mean you don’t mind do you?” he asked opening the door letting Tetsurou in. You blushed.

“I don’t but that’s not the point-” You whined.

“Then what’s the problem?” Kenma asked and at that moment you keyed back into the conversation.

“This is such fucking bullshit!”

“Why the fuck does Kuroo get to fuck (y/n),”

“I’m driving to Kenma’s house right fucking now,”

“What makes you think they’re at Kenma’s place?”

“(y/n) please don’t fuck Kurro it’ll make us sad,”

“Damn I wish I was Kenma’s best friend if this is what it gets you.”

“Hey (y/n),” Kuroo said stripping off his shirt, “you aren’t uncomfortable are you?” he asked with that stupid cocky grin on his face. This wasn’t the first time having sex with Kuroo but you were a little miffed that your consent was taken for granted.

Kuroo leaned in kissing you, snickering when he heard the uproar of the other boys. His big hands slipped under your shirt fondling your breasts.

“Oh your tits are so nice and soft,” he moaned right into the microphone, “your nipples are so sensitive baby,” he teased, twisting your nipples making you gasp. Kuroo’s mouth fell to your neck and he sucked lightly on the skin.

“Don’t you dare give her a hickey,” Kenma snapped, sounding genuinely jealous. Kuroo spread your legs thumbing at your clit making your thighs tremble

“If you’re going to fuck them hurry up and do it,”

Kuroo didn’t bother fully removing the basketball shorts he was wearing, he just shoved them down his hips enough to pull out his cock. He reached down stroking his own cock with one hand and the other he circled your clit.

“(y/n) are you still there?”

“Dumbass you can hear her breathing?”

“Tell us what’s happening right now,”

“Kuroo is touching my clit, and he’s jerking off,” you breathed.

“Fucking tease,”

“God, why won’t he just fuck you?”

“How can he hold himself back?”

Kuroo started kissing your neck again, keeping his teeth to himself, heading kenma’s warning. He teased your entrance for only a minute, before pushing inside you. You couldn’t help but cry out. Though kenma’s fingers felt good inside of you they had done nothing to stretch you out, and Kuroo’s cock was so big. Thick and girthy where Kenma’s was slender, veny and purple, mean-looking and intimidating, not near as pretty as your boyfriends.

You reached up and scratched at Kuroo’s back as he bottomed out inside of you. He took a minute to enjoy the feeling of your wet walls gush and spasm around him. He looked to his left and saw Kenma perched catlike on the desk watching intently.

Kuroo started moving, he started slowly fighting against your ironclad grip on his cock. You scratched at his back moaning loudly as he fucked you, the head of his cock bumping your cervix with each thrust. The chatter in the headset continued, the boy’s jealous comments about how badly they wanted to be the ones fucking you fueling Kurro to fuck you harder, pulling stilted moans and broken cries from your throat as his cock stirred up your insides.

Kenma dropped from his perch and in one quick stroke, he was on top of you. Kissing your neck and playing with your nipples just the way you liked.

“Oh Kenma!” you moaned, the first intelligible word you’d said a long time. It made Kurro jealous, he was the one balls deep in you, rutting against your g-spot so why did you scream Kenma’s name at just the lightest touches? Maybe he’d just have to fuck you a little harder.

Kuroo reached up and tangled his fingers in your hair yanking hard causing tears to spring to your eyes.

“Te-Tetsu, do-don’t be mean,” you whined pathetically, He didn’t really care whether or not you liked getting your hair pulled, you had said his name, and that’s all that really mattered. Kenma, seemingly bored of littering hickeys across your neck, cupped your face and kissed you passionately. The wet sounds traveling to the rest of the team.

Kuroo felt giddy, all those jealous boys wanting what he had. He could feel you sucking around him, and your ankles had hooked around his hips, you were going to cum. Kuroo snagged the microphone and brought it to his lips.

“She’s going to cum, she’s going to cum all over my cock then I’m going to stuff her stupid little cunny with my cum and there’s nothing you can do about it,” he laughed. Once those words left his lips, the insults started flooding in.

“Fucking whore”

“Dirty slut,”

“God of course the stupid bitch would let him cum in her.”

“How many men have used that filthy little cunt princess?”

“Bet it doesn’t even matter that it’s your captain fucking you, you’d let anyone fuck you.”

You wanted to deny it, but you couldn’t speak around kenma’s tongue. You did feel like a stupid whore letting Kurroo fuck you, letting the other guys speak like that to you, the Nekoma team used to respect you, now there was no way any of them could look at you and see anything but a fucktoy.

You knew now that each time you talked to them they’d wonder who’s cum was soaking in your cunt right at that moment, if your panties were wet and if you’d let them stuff their hand between your legs to find out.

But none of that seemed to matter now. All that mattered was Kurroo’s cock and Kenma’s hands, and the tight ball of pleasure building in your core, before snapping. Your cum gushed over Kuroo’s stomach leaving both boys slightly stunned. Kuroo broke the silence with his hyena laugh.

“Damn (y/n) I didn’t know you squirted like that!” he bellowed and in your ear, the “dirty whore” comments made another round.

“Okay Kuroo pull out,” Kenma said, his own erection needing attention.

“I haven’t even cum yet,” Kuroo whined

“Then hurry up,” Kuroo didn’t need to be told twice, he started fucking you again. Your cum hitting his pelvis with each thrust. It only took a few more strokes for him to moan and empty himself inside of you, he pulled out your juices mixing with his, and dripped down from your core. Kenma pounced quickly pushing the mixture back inside of you with his fingers while he pulled out his own hard cock.

“Kenma please no- I can’t take it I’m too sore,” you begged.

“Come on slut if you can’t take cock then what are you good for?”

“Yeah I bet you’re just saying that what you really mean is ‘please daddy fuck me harder’”

“I’ll be gentle, baby, I just need to be inside of you,” Kenma breathed, pushing his cock into easily with the slick mixture of cum still inside of you. As gentle as he was it still made you wince, your battered walls too sensitive to take any amount of friction. Not that it didn’t feel good, It almost felt too good, his cock grazing against different spots then Kuroo had reached making you see stars.

“You’re crying princess, does it really feel that good?” Kuroo asked wiping the tears from your cheeks

“Hurts,” you complained

“Suck it up and take it whore,” someone snapped over the headset making you wince,

“Awe don’t listen to them princess, even if you take cock like a whore that doesn’t mean you are one,” Kurroo reassured you reaching down and stroking your clit again.

“You’re an angel baby so pretty when you’re like this, they’re just jealous don't listen to them, pay attention to me,” Kuroo said and continued to whisper praise in your ear while Kenma fucked you.

“Fuck I’m going to cum,” you moaned.

“Already?”

“I told you I was sensitive,” both boys smiled to themselves and both of them started going even harder on you, both of them trying to push you over the edge

“K-Kenma,” you moaned as another orgasm ripped through your body leaving you shaking

“Fuck good girl, such a good girl,” Kenma groaned his own orgasm taking over and for the second time, you felt a load of cum being pumped inside of you. Kenma caught his breath and rested his head on your chest. And he ended the discord call.

“The team is going to be pissed you ended the call without any warning,” Kuroo said, putting on his clothes.

“I don’t care,” Kenma huffed, holding your wreaked body close to his chest.

“Right well it’s your funeral Monday,” he snickered “see you later (y/n),” he said, and then it was just you and Kenma.

“Come on,” Kenma said taking off the headset and helping you to your feet,

“I’ll run us a bath and we can relax together.” he offered

“Kenma I think I need a rag or something,” you said awkwardly trying not to let the cum inside of you spill out onto the carpet.

“Oh right, well we’ll get cleaned up in the bathroom,” Kenma decided his eyes on your glistening cunt. He was already deciding between finger fucking you until the cum was all out or spraying your pussy with the showerhead until you cried, he wasn’t quite done with you yet, he just wanted a little privacy at this particular moment. After all, at the end of the day, you were his and his alone.

#kenma x reader #kenma x reader smut #imagine kenma #kuroo x reader #kuroo x reader smut #nekoma x reader #nekoma x you #nekoma x manager #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu smut #haikyuu!!

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anotherimaginethatblog · 3 years

Text

cruise

Pairing: Kenny x OC

Summary: this is cheesy af with all the clichés, but I could not help myself. apologies in advance for the ending. its not my fave but there maybe a part 2.🤷‍♀️ - you and Kenny have had a flirty friendship for years, neither admitting to feelings until a room mix up on the Jericho cruise forces someone’s hand

You would never publicly express it, but you had been excited for this for months. The cruise was the highlight of many pro wrestlers’ year, it was hard work and tiring but also kind of like a vacation. You had sold it yourself as a work trip, when Kenny had asked if you would be attending you gave your usual nonchalant shrug and said, “don’t know I’ll see”, you really wanted to go but the thought of being trapped on a boat with Kenny was hell to you, I mean it is bad enough having a thing for your friend but a friend that you can’t escape? Yeah.

He looked disappointed you noticed, to you he was a good friend you had met on your first tour of japan, hed showed you around and the conversation and good times had flowed. You kept in touch, talking every day, and to Kenny it was a way to feel close to you, the truth was he really liked you and he figured that friendship was better than nothing so over the years you settled into your usual routine of dinner, exploring and video games whenever you happened to be in the same place together. Neither being brave enough to make a move more than the odd kiss goodnight that you would awkwardly forget the next day.

A few days after your non-committal response to Kenny you had replied to the email booking you for an appearance on the cruise, you figured it would be fun and since the boat was so big the chances of actually having to run into him where slim. You were amazing friends, but you were afraid of your feelings getting in the way and ruining what you had spent so long building. The thought of losing him was too much to bear, that and the million questions you would have from your mum if you told her you and Kenney had fallen out. She was convinced he was the perfect man for you, something you denied to her face every time while thinking how right she was in your head.

Arriving at the docks in Miami you had already bumped into a few familiar faces who seemed surprised you actually come along, none more so than Kenny of all people who you just happened to run into while waiting to check in “so much for ill see (Y/N)” he said teasing you.

“hey you” you shot back with a smile “I figured why not, I mean who doesn’t love the Bahamas and being surrounded by fans at every turn” you said turning to look at the mass of fans outside dying for a glimpse of their favourite wrestler.

“and there was me thinking you just wanted to hang out” he laughed. “I’m glad you’re here though, really I am” he replied, you could hear the sincerity in his voice and it gave you a warm feeling that no matter how much you tried to push away, would not leave your body.

“booking under (Y/N)” you said as you stepped up to the desk.

“one moment let me just get my supervisor” said the assistant behind the desk, after completing multiple attempts to book you in. this was not your first rodeo, and you knew this never ended well. “I’m so sorry miss, we have your reservation but I’m afraid due to a mistake you haven’t been allocated a cabin” the poor girl told you, the look on her face bracing herself for your wrath.

“okay, so where am I supposed to sleep? A lounger on deck?!” you replied attempting to keep your cool.

“what’s up?” Kenny cut in before you could continue your tirade at the poor girl behind the desk.

“so, I’m booked on the cruise but they don’t have a cabin for me, I mean how does that even work” you sassed looking directly at the assistant.

“just stay with me, I have a suite so there’s room, you take the bed ill sleep in the lounge its fine” he said.

“you can’t sleep on the couch in your own room Kenny, ill just call the agent and let them know I’m cancelling, I’m not doing this” you quickly answered him

“woah, wait. You cant cancel and your here now, it’s not like we haven’t roomed before it’ll be fine” said Kenny softly grabbing your arm to stop you leaving.

“fine, if that’s okay I will. But I’m not happy about it no offence” you added.

“none taken” said Kenny as he approached the desk.

“what’s up with you?” asked matt Jackson as you were waiting for Kenny to finish sorting your situation

“well….cruise line messed up my booking, sharing with Kenney’s you started

“check in girl flirting with your boyfriend” matt interjected.

“wow, no, okay why would you even…” you trailed off. Matt wasn’t stupid, hed known you and Kenny long enough to see the way you looked at each other and knew you where both stubborn enough to not do anything about the sexual tension between you two.

“look, I see the way he looks at you and you at him, plus the way you act around each other you may as well be dating” he said “just do yourselves a favour and work your shit out” he finished before walking off to talk his family.

Kenny approached you after standing back so he could watch you and matt talking, he wasn’t dumb, he knew what matt had said to you. He said it to Kenny often enough “ you ready to go” he said smiling at you offering you your own key to his suite.

“sure I need to change after travelling all day anyways” you said trying to act cool but you knew you where coming across as a bitch.

After making your way to your room, arguing over who was taking the bed (Kenny insisted you take it) and a quick shower and change you where finally doing your favourite thing; sitting in the lounge with a large tequila and tonic. Kenny was nursing a coke zero, he didn’t drink but being around you when you did made all those feelings begin to bubble to the surface, because he knew what was coming. When you drank you got chatty, and you made him promises you (and he) knew you wouldn’t remember in the morning. “stop looking at me like that, it makes me nervous” you told him laughing

“what?! I cant look at you now” he laughed “you shouldn’t be so pretty” he finished making you blush but want to leave immediately.

“why do you do this?, tease me then go back to just pretending we can only be friends” you stated oblivious to the gang sat around the table with you. You got up to leave and Kenny could only stare open mouthed not sure how to reply.

“(Y/N) come back I didn’t mean to upset you” he pleaded, you knew he hadn’t but you couldn’t take another round of the flirting that would lead to a kiss before you both woke up the next day pretending it hadn’t happened.

“go after her you dumbass” hangman said over the rim of his glass “secretly that’s what women want when they make that dramatic exit” earning laughs from your friends around the table. Gingerly Kenny got up and made his way to your room, if things got too awkward he could always room with hangman or nakazawa.

“(Y/N)” Kenny softly said knocking on the bedroom door “open up for me, I’m sorry I upset you. I just cant do this anymore” he said sadly.

“do what, you don’t want to be my friend anymore?” you asked sadly, stepping out the room closer to him. You where not drunk by any means but the strong drink had made you a little brave and he stiffened when you gently touched his shoulder leading him to sit on the couch.

“no, (Y/N). I don’t want to be your friend anymore” he replied. “I want more, id be lying to myself and you if I wasn’t honest. Its killing me to lie, I think we can be more than friends, we are both adults and I’ve wanted more for a long time. If you don’t that’s cool, but I cant do this anymore I’m sorry” he blurted out, all his words coming out at once. Looking visibly relieved and worried all at once.

You knew he was right, you had got to know each other on a level so deep you where practically a long distance couple, suddenly that bravery lept up and out of you and before you knew it you kissed him. He was shocked at first but soon returned it, deepening it “ we really gonna do this (Y/N)” he asked breathless “we gonna make out then pretend we didn’t over breakfast”.

“no, not this time” you replied kissing him again. “I’m sorry weve danced around each other for so long, I should have had the balls to tell you how I felt” you told him staring into his eyes, he could see all the sincerity and vulnerability you had in you at that moment and he knew you could see the same in his.

“I want this to work” said Kenny, “I want you (Y/N)” he stated,

“right now, here on the couch” you smirked, he knew your humour and knew you full stop. “at least take me out to dinner first” you teased .

“you know what I mean” he replied giving you that jaw dropping smile of his “but I mean, if you’re serious. I could eat” he laughed.

“shut up omega” you laughed kissing him again, he moaned into the kiss and you knew that was a sound you wanted to hear again. Maybe the cruise messing up your room was fate you though to yourself. Before getting distracted by some wandering hands.

“I was serious about dinner though ken” you deadpanned after breaking the kiss Making him laugh. Which was slowly becoming your favourite sound … after the kissy moaning.

#kenny omega x reader #kenny omega imagine #kenny omega fanfiction #aew imagine #aew fanfiction #wrestling imagine #wrestling fanfiction

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quitethepirategal · 3 years

Text

An Analysis in Threes

❥ TAGGED BY: @emcads like 30 years ago ❥ TAGGING: @riidcr @starsailingcaptain @covencrown @hookd @all-fleshed-out @evermxre @motherofredemption @bup1957 @conquistadoradelmar @seaprofound @tcthinecwnself @withinycu @windguided @daevilhorns @concordia-cum-sinistro and YOU and I spent like 8 hours on this so pLEASE READ IT PLEASE I AM BEGGING I NEED VALIDATION I’M-

repost don’t reblog. yall dont have to type this much.

MUSE: Captain Red Handed Jessica

Three Strengths:

Her adaptability and resourcefulness. Is she brave, yes. Is she lucky, also yes. But over all, she can roll with the cards she’s been dealt in a way that many would call inhumanly clever. Her intelligence, her perception, and her charisma are all different ingredients of this indomitable characteristic of hers. She can see the value in just about anything and anyone, can pick up on clues and tangents few others can follow, and can remember seemingly endless details, tho unfortunately not on command. But even then, her patchy memory seems to contribute to this adaptability as well, as it usually allows for detachment. If she can find resources everywhere, it means she can survive everywhere. There have been countless times where the wheel of fortune has suddenly turned on her and she’d lost near everything and her response was more or less Damn, ok I need food water and shelter lets go. No food? Grow food. No water? Ask someone if they have water. No shelter? Sleep outside. No money? Steal money. Can’t hear anymore? Cool I can use loud weapons. Crashed on an island? My island now. Shot? Free bullet. She knows when to push, she knows when to quit, and sometimes she knows when to gamble based on her ability ( what a man can do and what he can’t do and all that ). Strong she may be, she knows its foolish to rely on strength. Survival of the fittest actually rarely means survival of the strongest. ( edit; this is the theme for the entirety of her character. I will say it 50,000 times. I am very sorry ). And as a student of philosophy and biology, she understands that phrase better than most. Leading to our next point.

Her understanding. As I stated, her charisma is something unmatched, and is a key element in all three of her strengths. This charisma might not exist as prominently were it not for her ability to understand. She has limited ( I’ll get back to that ) but deep running empathy and while not terribly observant all the time, she is always perceptive. Not only that, but she’s personally known abuse, hardship, and uncertainty, and understands that hate or anger can be rooted in similar pain. She was schooled lightly in both Christian and Buddhist values before diving heavily into democratic philosophy, meaning she believes all being experience suffering and therefore kindness is a powerful sign of strength, but also that suffering while free and equal is better than comfort in oppression. And between her sweet words and beautiful face, she can get most people to open up in ways they themselves my not have expected. Being very good with people means she can learn from them, gain something from them, lead them, and/or use them. But Jessica isn’t a manipulator in truth; her intentions are almost always kind or healthy ones. She absolutely uses people from time to time but not EVER without them consenting to or being made aware of such because again, unlike a manipulative person, she understands that can ruin a relationship and therefore ruin a resource. What it makes for is an excellent leader, a beloved captain, and a trusted ally at most and an excellent conversationalist at the least. But her understanding isn’t just social, oh no. It’s academic as well. Armed only with his little library and the lessons of his own teachers, Jessica’s foster father tirelessly smithed her into a not just a girl who knew a lot of things, but a truly intelligent, thinking mind. He’d die before learning he’d succeeded tenfold. Jessica isn’t one to just except things as they are, facts or otherwise. She usually needs to prove it, experiment, see things from a new angle. Debates with her are fun! She has no issue admitting she’s wrong or confessing she’s never thought of it that way, and is actually wrong a lot of the time. It doesn’t bruise her ego, it excites her. It means there’s more to learn. And her ability to constantly understand new concepts paired with her ability to overwhelmingly understand people combine to make for a very powerful core idea of hers: We are fittest to survive because we all fit together. Our humanity, our empathy, our community are our strengths because they keep us united, which keeps us the fittest. No one is independent, no man is an island. People are power. And thus her final strength is just that.

Her power. While she and I still firmly state that strength isn’t everything don’t be disillusioned; its very goddamn important. And it’s something Jessica has plenty of. She is durable and clever because of her rocky early childhood, she is quick and versatile from her youth in a pirate port, she is physically strong and mighty from her years training in martial arts, and she’s an absolute crackshot after years of diligent practice with her trusty pistols. Her true strength may lie in her brains and in her allies yes, but even without them, Red Jessica is a powerhouse of a warrior. She can end fights extremely quickly or run from them without a prayer of catching her ( no shame in the later, both skills keep you alive ). And it may be in bad taste to say, but ever since loosing most of her hearing, Jess swears up and down it’s made her vision better, her reaction time faster, and her quick thinking even quicker. Yes of course she’s slowed down with age, but a bullet shoots at the same speed no matter how old you are. And you best hope she didn’t bring her firecrackers, because while sudden loud noises will absolutely temporarily discombobulate or debilitate an opponent with healthy hearing, it’ll hardly effect her at all and suddenly, you’re a sitting duck. You see those thighs? You see those calves? She can crush PINEAPPLES with them! People have seen her do it! Do you know how many micro-fractures broke and rebuilt those hands? Thousands! She can crush a trachea like a fucking beer can! She can kick you to death! One ill placed curb stomp and you are DECEASED. Sometimes she’ll just psyche you out because she KNOWS you know she can kill your stupid ass! But while her strength, mental and physical, have always been there, her power is relatively new. As stated before, people are power. Not knowledge, not money, not strength. People. She’s a fearsome warrior but she’d be useless if outnumbered. Shes a very successful pirate, but she’d never make it out of port without a crew on her ship. She found a gorgeous island, but it’d still be wild without those who built it’s piers and buildings. She manages orchards and tends to them and harvests them herself, but she would loose all of her crop without the helping hands of her employed farmers. And like I mentioned, she deeply understands this. Freedom is not independence or vice versa. Did you make the clothes on your back or the fabric that made those clothes? Did you write the books you read to make you smarter or teach you that skill? Did you plant the seed years ago that grew that orange you’re eating? No, of course not. Jessica didn’t either. Another human did. We all need each other to fill the holes in our lives that we can’t fill ourselves. Humans are puzzle pieces in that way, there is no bigger picture or prayer for survival on our own. And because of this, we can do anything we as a community, as a SPECIES work together to achieve. There is no knowledge if there’s no one to learn from, there is no money if a society don’t give it value, your money is worthless if those you’re paying decide to rise against you, your role as leader only exists at the consent of those you lead, and your strength won’t save you from a sinking ship. People are, and always will be, power. And as someone who is exceptionally strong and exceedingly smart, Jessica has slotted herself in the humanity puzzle thusly: The strong exist to protect the weak, the smart exist to educate, and the lucky exist so the unlucky may be given aid. And it is with this fairness and compassion that she has won the trust of so many. She has a great many friends and allies even outside of those in her crew or on her island. And she can make many more with ease. That kind of power is not a power to be trifled with, even if she can kick your ass six ways to Saturday without it.

Three Weaknesses:

She suffers ADHD. Now before ANY OF Y’ALL SAY ANYTHING, I myself also suffer ADHD. And yes I do say suffer because well that’s what it causes for Jessica and I, suffering. Yes, it is ableist language to say ‘suffering from’ rather than ‘has’ or ‘is diagnosed with’ and yes it perpetuates a stigma against us but god DAMN IT in both Jessica’s case and mine, it make life much much harder than it needs to be. At the end of the day, Red Jessica is a fantasy of mine; I pour myself into her whether I mean to or not. She’s the adult I wish I was, the person I might be if I had no anxiety, or brainfog, or lived in a world were I didn’t need a credit score or a degree. And even then, I can’t say I know anyone else’s problems better than my own. So if my character has problems, by sheer osmosis they are going to reflect some of mine. Both of the characters I write have ADHD because I have ADHD and I couldn’t even begin to know how a non-ADHD mind works to write it properly. And no, I’m not being dramatic when I say it causes me suffering. I can’t drive, I can’t hold down a job, I nearly flunked out of school, I still cant read very fast or spell very well, I am constantly overwhelmed by mundane things, I’m a slow learner, I forget very important things or recent things, I forget about things that mean the world to me, I forget about people, I stumble through tasks, I procrastinate hobbies and basic hygiene, and everything I do takes all goddamn day and I can only really do one important thing at a time and in order of importance. If I have a date at 4pm, I’m dressed and ready at 11am because I’ve gotta do the important thing first or else I will forget to do the important thing. I started typing this at a little before 5pm. It’s 7;30. It’ll probably be 10 o’clock at night by the time I fucking finish ( edit: l m a o its 1am bitch you thought ). I’m 26 and am just medicated enough to barely function. So yeah. Suffering is the word. Though for Jessica, perhaps suffering is a tad strong of a word. Her ADHD affects her ability to function in far less debilitating ways ( though whether that’s a result of a less severe diagnosis than me or the result of the society, situations, and responsibilities she functions in and around are far different from mine, who’s to say ). For her, she has very consuming hyperfixations that can last anywhere between weeks to decades, a spotty memory that is detail and memento oriented, she’s scatterbrained more often then not but can focus with amazing clarity on her interests or in high adrenaline situations, is is ABYSMALLY bad at math and EXCRUCIATINGLY bad with numbers ( as opposed to me, who is good at numbers but shit at spelling or reading ), she can forget anything no matter how important it is to her or to anyone, she’s bad with names and dates, is COMPLETELY time-blind, has trouble prioritizing, and of course, wile not actually that materialistic, she absolutely has the ol’ magpie instinct. While her poor memory assists in her adaptability and ability to move on, it also means she forgets things she needed to remember, like when the last time she bathed was and who this person is and what happened between her and someone else or what conversation’s shes had. Unfortunately this means she’s a very good friend and leader... while you’re around and interacting with her on at least a weekly basis. It’s almost a lack of object permanence in both a social and very real sense. If something is not right in front of her, odds are she’s not going to think about it. And while its something she constantly kicks herself for and actively tries to be better about, it applies to people too. Face to face is the best way to interact with her; she won’t think to write you and in her modern verse she won’t think to ever call and she’ll text you back in perhaps a few days. She doesn’t value you any less, I promise. She’s just either distracted or overwhelmed. Also, for someone as understanding as her, she is surprisingly self-centered. Not selfish, self-centered. She’ll talk about herself more than she should, and will assume people understand that she’s doing so as a form of showing empathy rather than bragging when they may not know this at all. Actually she accidentally assumes all the time. It was far worse when her hearing was functional; she’d finish your sentence for you or guess what it was you were going to say ( again, not to talk over, you but to show she understands you and the conversation, tho it usually came of as annoying or patronizing ). Sometimes she mistakenly assumes you believe or know the same things she does without even realizing it. Maybe she perceives the right idea off of someone but isn’t observant enough to notice anything past that. And while she is willing to change her mind about things, she might change her mind a tad too quickly. She’s an over-sharer and is horrible at keeping any kind of secret. Romantic relationships tend to fizzle out. Her impulse control is improving but has a VERY long way to go. She’s always chasing something new. All and all, when you’re a pirate, a librarian, or even a captain, all of these things may be irritating and inconvenient, but are overall manageable in chunks. ...But as a governor to her island, as a leader of an entire population... oof. In the position of leadership that she’s in, she can’t afford to make too many massive mistakes, and she knows this. ‘There is no power quite like the power of being underestimated’ is a phase you’ll hear her say a lot but for her, there is a shift in connotation. If people expect less and you do more that’s a great upper hand in any situation but for her, it was a safety net. Having ADHD sometimes means going months or years being fine and then eventually you fuck up and everyone around you wonders how in the world you managed to do that. She has only barely avoided disaster more times than she’d like to admit. Even with the resourcefulness, the understanding, and the power she wields, she’s finally starting to realize that she’s bit off more than she might be able to chew, with the entire well-beings and livelihoods of others on the line. And she fears that one day she’ll play her cards wrong and everything she’d built, everything she’s done, will all come crashing down in ruin.

She is Hard of Hearing. This one is literally as simple as it sounds: she has moderate and degenerative hearing loss and tinnitus after years of canons, explosions, gunshots, and a definitive, scale tipping attack in her early 30s. Her ears just don’t work at all like they used to. The whole world sounds like it would if everything was underwater: she can’t pin point the location of sounds, how far off or close sounds are, and barely registers changes in volume. And it only gets worse the older she gets; one day she won’t hear anything at all. And while yes, again, it might be very harsh and ableist to say, the truth of the matter that being deaf a “ weakness ” more often than its a strength. That said, it very well can be a strength. I’ve already mentioned that trick with the firecrackers and let me tell you it is a DAMN EFFECTIVE TRICK. Shes around explosions and canons and guns all the time and now she can focus while being around them five times better than she could in the past! But unfortunately it also means she’s very easy to sneak up on, she sometimes isn’t aware of danger until it’s nearly too late, no one can get her attention or warn her across any distance, it’s very easy to escape from her, and it’s easy for her to be just... left out of things. She might hear you talking, but she has little to no idea what you’re saying without sign or lipreading. Some people don’t have the patience or even just the courtesy to speak slower, or clearer, or repeat themselves a lot. Though, those last too thinks aren’t weaknesses of hers so much as they are the weakness of others, but they still negatively affect her self esteem and her effectiveness as a leader. All of this has taught her to pick her battles carefully, and plan around the elements of surprise and discombobulation. And while communication was tricky at first, it only got easier, and now she can talk to you almost like anyone can, so long as she’s looking you in the face.

That damn bleeding heart. We have established a number of things that should easily add up to an overly empathetic, trusting, fight-the-good-fight, martyr-some, idealistic pushover; she believes humanity and kindness are strengths, she has taken on the role of leader and then a provider, she has known suffering and tasked herself with ending the suffering of others to the best of her ability, she lacks the clarity of mind to assume people aren’t just as good or capable as her automatically, she can have poor impulse control at times, she wants to have relationships, and ( while I never stated this outright yet it can be inferred ), she believes that being able to see yourself in others is the foundation of humanity and ( as i did say outright ) humanity is what keeps us unified and unity is what makes us fit and strong. Keeping up? Good. Here’s the curve ball: How can she whole hardheartedly preach and believe all of this, to the point of it being the foundation of her character, WHILE BEING A VIOLENT THIEVING AND BLOODTHIRSTY PIRATE?! HOW, MANGO? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!! Ok, fine, sure, I will. I’m sure about one half of you are looking up from the screen and going “ Oh yeah, wow I totally forgot that bit. “ and the other half got about two and a half paragraphs in before squinting and silently calling bullshit. So let me explain. In short, she’s a detached hypocrite and is well aware and unashamed of her hypocrisy while far less aware of her detachment. I’ll cover both: Western culture as a whole seems to be under the impression that hypocrisy, despite context or importance, is automatically bad. I don’t know where this comes from personally ( my bet is Christianity but I have exactly 0 evidence ) but its a very... flawed idea. Take the freedom of speech vs racism problem; say you owned a bar where all could speak their mind freely over cold drinks. Excellent concept without context, right? Sure. ....Then a die hard racist covered in slurs and symbols walks in and orders- what are you going to do? The correct answer is to throw him out instantly. Not let him sit so long as he doesn’t cause trouble, not just ignore him and hope he doesn’t return, you throw him out. Is it hypocritical? Yep! Sure is! But it is also 100% necessary to protect your other patrons because if you don’t, the racist starts feeling safe and bringing his racist buddies, literally everyone else starts feeling unsafe and starts to hang out elsewhere, and two months later, ta da! You now own a n*zi bar and there is literally nothing you can do about it. Jessica is in a somewhat similar situation. You as a pretend bar owner need to make a decision as who to let into your bar and who to throw out for the good of all of your patrons. Jessica too is faced daily with that decision. If she want’s to help as many people as possible, the only realistic way she can do that are by protecting those under her leadership... only. She is surrounded by hateful, angry, sneaky, traitorous, abusive, or otherwise evil people. Piracy as a profession and poverty in general can do that to a person. Of course there is a clear difference between those down on their luck and desperate, and the truly cruel and twisted, but unfortunately both types of people yield the same wrongdoings. It’s absolutely her nature to extend a hand to anyone and everyone but.... she just can’t anymore. Too many times has her trust been betrayed, too many times has she gotten in peoples business trying to be helpful, only for her to absolutely bite her in the ass. Too many time the extended hand is bitten and once or twice, she’s actually made things worse. Now, she will only help someone she loves, someone under her leadership, or someone who seeks her out. That’s it. And even then, sometime it manages to bite er in the ass. But she had to set that hard limit for herself out of necessity, one she does her absolute best to adhere too and... these days she adheres a little too well. That leads us to our next point; what I was alluding to at the beginning of her Understanding essay when I said she has limited but deep running empathy. That detachment again, courtesy of a very unattached mother and unchecked ADHD. ( It isn’t a strong enough characteristic to even rank as a strength or a weakness but damn if it isn’t an undercurrent to a lot of her motivations and experiences. ) Strangers are fair game that she tries to ignore, but if she even perceives you as a threat, you could be in danger. Like anyone used to violence or perhaps anyone trapped in an us verses them mindset, she can just... flat... turn her empathy off. Not on command, she’s not a socio or psychopath persay. But she has become totally numb to the horror of violence via her warrior upbringing that, in her mind, violence can actually be rather fun. Pair that with the fact that she purposely tailored herself to only be empathetic to her allies and boom. You get a kindhearted killer. Cops and soldiers in our world do it literally every day. Actually anyone can do it really, even you if you tried. You don’t have to be evil or even angry to kill or steal or lie... you just have to believe you’re right.

Three Secrets:

WHAT SECRETS?! LMAO this bitch is the oversharing queen!! I’ve been typing and pondering her character for literal hours ( its currently 11:16, fuck you adderall ), and I still can not think of a single goddamn secret. There is nothing about her that at least five random people don’t fucking know about!! The only secrets she has are secrets she knows about other people and even then she is!! literally the worst!! She spills her guts left and right and yet she wants to be a mysterious bitch SO BAD like BABE I love you, you’re precious, but you are a dumbass attention seeking validation chasing adhd CLOWN girl!! Stop telling random people about your hermaphroditism or your dairy allergy or your dead dad or that time you fell asleep in a barrel like that is literally your uber driver Jessica honey come ooooon. I’m skipping this section mom holy fuck.

Three Fears:

What if she does wrong by everyone who trusts her? As stated at the end of the ADHD essay, she’s terrified of failing those she leads. Where it as simple as personal failure, she’d be fine. Ever if her entire world came crashing down on top of her she’d either die or start back from square one. Death is a fact of life and her adaptability means she can just dust herself off and move on, so neither her death nor her failures really scare her... But it isn’t just her life and happiness at stake, is it? Not anymore, right? What started as a leader of a small gang of rebels became a full crew, then a crew became a slew of allies, then those allies built a town and now... now she’s the governor of the Crimson Isle and there are nearly twenty five HUNDRED lives at her mercy. HER mercy. One really, really bad mistake could ruin their livelihoods or spark disorder and disloyalty. And if she died? Would whoever it is that will take her place be as good to them as she is? Is she good enough to begin with in the first place? Every day the paperwork gets a little bit thicker, every year there’s a new baby or two. And the isle has fertile soil sure but will it last? Are they prepared for a raid or a hurricane? And if Jessica trusts the wrong people, where her people right to trust her? ...can I protect them? Can I protect them?! CAN I PROTECT THEM?!

Who am I if I’m not interesting? This is, literally, an entirely subconscious fear. She’s not at all aware it exists and therefor this entry is short. But between her short time with her very unimpressed mother, her own ADHD, she is constantly hungry for attention without even realizing it. She must be interesting and intriguing and engaging, and I did mention she wants to also be mysterious. She wants not so much your input or even your validation - but rather if shes not perceived then.... is she really there? Remember, she is unaware of any of this. And fortunately she’d never been starved for attention to act out over it in the first place, even when her disinterested mother was alive. Look at her; she’s radiant, she’s beautiful, and she’s 6′4 / 195 cm shredded and covered in cool scars. Without even opening her mouth, without even her colorful clothes, she’s kind of automatically interesting. So she’s never been so desperate for attention that she acts out because she’s never been without it for very long. But it’s there. Hungry, aching, silent. Those years after the M branding were horrible and she could never really explain why. She still throws parties, organizes festivals, and talks to damn near anyone who will listen. Look at my art! Look at my library! Listen to how much I know! Let me tell you how lovely you are! Look at my scares! Look at my hair! Look at me haha, please, please look at me.

GHOSTS. NOPE. No. NO. Fuck ALL of that noise. Stay dead, go to hell, eat a dick. Red Jessica is a scientist and superstitious atheist. As an academic and somewhat bi-cultural woman she simply thinks there are far too many religions with far too much history for any of them to be considered The One True Thing You Must Believe Or ElseTM and she tends to not truly believe anything until she finds some kind of proof. Shes not afraid of the unknown, shes thrilled by it. She’s not afraid of death or the afterlife, that’s beyond her control. She’s only superstitious because she does believe in and value luck, and also its a bit of a cultural habit. BUT IF SOME SHIT STARTS MOVING ON ITS OWN OR IF SHE SEES SOME BULLSHIT IN THE CORNER OF HER EYE THEN SHE IS OUT OF THERE. OUTIE 5000. She has heard the tales of lost souls from purgatory or the eternally ravenous Pret or dangerous Phi Tai Hong or the tragic and startling Banshees or the creepy Santa Compana and she wouldn’t believe a word of it where it not for one thing. SHE FUCKING SAW ONE. She’ll never forget it, it was the first and last time she EVER attempted to plunder a tomb all Skyrim style and at first she thought it was one of the crewmean being creepy as shit until she got a good look and he was SEE THROUGH AS SHIT AND SKINNY AS FCUK AND SHE GOT LITERALLY CHASED THE FUCK OUT OF THAT JOINT. She does not CARE that some ghosts are just apparitions she does not CARE that some are friendly and trying to warn her of something if you are MOVING and DEAD at the SAME time get FUCKED. If any of y’all cringe try-hards bring a Ouija board to the party you are getting SENT HOME and BLOCKED. NO CAP.

Three Goals:

She really only has one left. Listen its... almost 1am and ive been typing since like 5pm i think i covered goals somewhere in here but ive gotta throw in the towel but even then I’m kinda being serious. Her only remaining goal is to find a suitable heir of some kind. She wants what she’s built to fall into worthey hands but she could never seem to find a good parter and even when she did she couldn’t sustain a pregnancy ( you’d think that would be a huge deal but it hardly mattered to her oddly ). So at 50 the option of having kids is out but there’s still plenty of hope for either adoption or a protege. But then again, she’s so busy these days that she hardly prioritizes it like she wants to.

holy shit i need some water...

#i.... i did it.. its done.. its DONE #...this took my entire saterday #i will literally pay yall actuall dollars to read all of this please... it took so long i dont want it to be for nothing qwq #x; EVER PLAYED CRAZY EIGHTS? { dash games }#x; QUITE THE PIRATE GAL { portrait }#x; WHY AREN'T YOU A CLEVER ONE? { meta }

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sophies-earbuds · 3 years

Text

spoiler alert please dont ruin your reading experience trust me you dont want this one spoiled for you

i just finished the guide since my book finally came and i am so unbelievably impressed

say what you will about laura but when im reading this book i put aside everything else and focus only on the book, and i really really loved the art. the ones i definitely liked most are the fosters, the songs, and the council. something about the huge full spread rendering of the councillors just enthralled me.

and yeah. tam’s old haircut. not saying i dont like the bangs but wow he can really pull anything off

i really enjoyed reading the registry files. 1: keefe’s was absolutely hilarious. there was nothing in that file that was left untouched, and that leads to so many hilarious comments.

dex’s file was amazing, mostly because of that one section we all know, the one he redacted hardcore. it’s amazing

the amount of people who have spyballs is almost scary. what’s scarier is who was denied. how did alden manage that? i would imagine that it was a result of bronte not exactly being his biggest fan

the adults have some interesting files. sounds like edaline was working on something huuuuuge, as was grady, and they probably have no clue what either of them was working on. i really hope we get to know what those assignments were

kenric’s memorial page had me tearing up so bad. not gonna lie, i still think he’s a black man because that’s what i thought for like. the first four years of me reading this series, and my mental picture isn’t gonna be able to be replaced just because of these pictures. im incapable of changing my mind

i just wanna say. seeing dex in The Twin just. really emphasized the crush i have on him. it’s getting worse. i have to constantly remind myself that he’s not real. he just looks so huggable.

dont even get me started on keefe’s memory narration. that just... that gave me so many fic ideas it’s not even funny. and the way he cut off his sentence of “I’d better take a break, before I write something really embarrassing. Like how I’m pretty sure I’m-”

WHAT WAS HE GOING TO SAY

i just need to know. i need to know all of the things.

this memory log was obviously written after he woke up because he drew the memory of his mom’s weird ritual at the end of legacy, so he already knows what his power is. but i have a feeling this isn’t about that.

also the way all of his little entries always became about sophie is a little hilarious and SUPER adorable. he’s so whipped that she is a part of his regular thought process about literally everything.

“If I hadn’t already known I liked her-”

“That was the first time it felt like... maybe I had a tiny shot at making this brave, beautiful, blushing girl like me.”

“I almost lost her.”

IM TRYING MY BEST TO FOCUS ON MORE IMPORTANT THINGS BUT I CANT BE EXPECTED TO NOT FREAK OUT OVER THIS ENTIRE SECTION

anyway. that’s all i got rn. maybe ill have more in depth opinions on my reread.

sophies-earbuds -> out

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saccmaass · 4 years

Text

Writing prompts List:

Hey guys! During this crazy pandemic I listened to A LOT of music, and I found myself thinking “wow this sentence would be a great prompt” so I made a list!

Note: For further inspiration you can find under the cut the name of the song and the name of the singer.

“I’m ready for someone to love me”

“I’m talking to myself at night because I cant forget”

“You’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece”

“It’s maturity that I’m lacking”

“I’m not one to stick around”

“The autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place”

“I’m God and the Lord forgives”

“All I seem to do is break this things”

“You almost ran the red cause you were looking over me”

“I don’t wanna be alone in the darkness anymore”

“I’m not anything like I used to be”

“You taught me about your past thinking your future was me”

“There is so much you haven’t seen in me”

“Maybe I’m just too tired to keep running”

“But I crumble completely when you cry”

“I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to”

“She is broken and won’t ask for help”

“Faces from my past return”

“Maybe you’re all I ever wanted”

“So casually cruel in the name of being honest”

“You need to calm down, you’re being too loud”

“Cause for every lie I tell them, they tell me three”

“Frightened by the bite though it’s no harsher than the bark”

“Now all he thinks about is me”

“So what are you gonna do when the world don’t orbit around you?”

“Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone”

“I don’t regret it one bit, ‘cause he had it coming”

“Just need you to tell me we’re alright, tell me we’re okay”

“Her eyes invite you to approach”

“They’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one”

“I notice your eyes are always glued to me”

“It’s not like I’m falling in love I just want you to do me no good, And you look like you could”

“I’m writing this letter and wishing you well”

“I had a dream I got everything I wanted”

“I don’t relax very often, as often as I could”

“The devil wakes up in my head”

“And when you go don’t return to mt my love”

“Won’t somebody help me help me chase the shadows away?”

“There’s rain clouds out there that you don’t wanna feel”

“As long as I’m here no one can hurt you”

“Through fortune and flame we fall”

“I won’t hesitate for you”

“Hoping for the best but expecting the worst”

“I can’t regret the things I don’t try”

“They don’t deserve you”

“All I’ve ever known is how to hide a secret”

“You really know how to make me cry”

“I tend to freak myself out”

“Only fools fall for you”

“With you by my side I will fight and defend”

“I’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me”

“I say the wrong shit at the right times”

“You knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart”

“I never learned to read your mind”

“It’s a lonely night in my bed in the heat of the summer”

“When you are young they assume you know nothing”

“I just wanna how beautiful you are”

“I had a marvelous time ruining everything”

“No reason to stay is a good reason to go”

“And isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string, tying you to me”

“It kills to know that you have been defeated”

“Don’t want no other shade of blue but you”

“A dark world aches for a splash of the sun”

“When you can’t sleep at night you hear my stolen lullabies”

“It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small”

“A friend to all is a friend to none”

“Say I’m sorry without a sound”

“If I had a voice I would sing”

“I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams”

“I can fake a smile”

“If you never bleed, you’re never gonna learn”

“Tell me the words you long to hear and I’ll sing them loud and clear”

“Chase two girls, lose the one”

“I can feel you take control of who I am”

“I don’t trust nobody and nobody trust me”

“Those windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry”

“Taking steps is easy, standing still is hard”

“With you I serve, with you I fall down”

“Men fight great, but women are great fighters”

“Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die”

“Just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you’ve seen”

“Loving you is a losing game”

“Darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a day dream”

“My power flurries through the air into the ground”

“I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done”

“There’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have”

“Loving you forever can’t be wrong”

“Haven’t you heard what becomes of curious minds?”

“Big girls cry when their heart is breaking”

“Love is a fragile little flame, it could burn out”

“Yeah let’s be clear I trust no one”

“They say she was seen on occasion pacing the rocks, staring at the midnight sea”

“You and I have history or don’y you remember”

“A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer”

“Next time I’ll be braver, I’ll be my own savor”

“See, I ain’t as cruel and vicious as I seem”

“I struggled on the ground”

“Mysterious as the dark side of the moon”

“All that time, never even knowing just how blind I’ve been”

“We’ve got a long way to go”

~~~

I’m Ready // Sam Smith and Demi Lovato

Seven Nation Army // The White Stripes

Colors // Halsey

Sad Song // Christina Perry

Stuck with U // Ariana Grande and Justin Bieber

All Too Well // Taylor Swift

Unaccommodating // Eminem

Wild Enough // Elina

All Too Well // Taylor Swift

Darkness // Eminem

She Used To Be Mine // Sara Bareilles

All Too Well // Taylor Swift

Wild Enough // Elina

Lost My Mind // Finneas

505 // Arctic Monkeys

All Too Well // Taylor Swift

She Used To Be Mine // Sara Bareilles

No Time To Die // Billie Eilish

Lost My Mind // Finneas

All Too Well // Taylor Swift

You Need To Calm Down // Taylor Swift

I did Something Bad // Taylor Swift

505 // Arctic Monkeys

I did Something Bad // Taylor Swift

Ain’t It Fun // Paramore

Crushcrushcrush // Paramore

I did Something Bad // Taylor Swift

Level Of Concern // Twenty One Pilots

No. 1 Party Anthem // Arctic Monkeys

I did Something Bad // Taylor Swift

Crushcrushcrush // Paramore

No. 1 Party Anthem // Arctic Monkeys

Mama // My Chemical Romance

Everything I Wanted // Billie Eilish

Chaos And Piss // Pink

Coffin // Jessie Reyez

Mama // My Chemical Romance

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) // ABBA

Chaos And Piss // Pink

Everything I Wanted // Billie Eilish

Mama // My Chemical Romance

Hesitate // Jonas Brothers

Forever Young // Alphaville

Scrawny // Wallows

Everything I Wanted // Billie Eilish

Empty Handed // Lea Michele

Ocean Eyes // Billie Eilish

Scrawny // Wallows

FOOLS // Troye Sivan

Keep Holding On // Avril Laving

Mirrorball // Taylor Swift

Scrawny // Wallows

Hoax // Taylor Swift

Exile// Taylor Swift

I’m Ready // Sam Smith and Demi Lovato

Cardigan // Taylor Swift

Best Part // H.E.R (ft. Daniel Caesar)

The Last Great American Dynasty // Taylor Swift

Something Gotta Give // Camila Cabello

Invisible String // Taylor Swift

Wires // The Neighborhood

Hoax // Taylor Swift

Cough Syrup // Young The Giant

My Tears Ricochet // Taylor Swift

Let It Go // Frozen

Cardigan // Taylor Swift

Hold On For Dear Love // Bridgit Mendler

If I Had A Heart // Fever Roy

Look What You Made Me Do // Taylor Swift

Human // Christina Perry

The 1 // Taylor Swift

Break The Cycle // You + Me

Cardigan // Taylor Swift

Golden // Harry Styles

Look What You Made Me Do // Taylor Swift

The Lakes // Taylor Swift

You’ve Got Time // Regina Spektor

Epiphany // Taylor Swift

Salute // Little Mix

The Lakes // Taylor Swift

Epiphany // Taylor Swift

Arcade // Duncan Laurence

Blank Space // Taylor Swift

Let It Go // Frozen

Hiding My Heart // Adele

Gorgeous // Taylor Swift

Dark Paradise // Lana Del Ray

Wonderland // Taylor swift

Big Girls Cry // Sia

I Know Places // Taylor Swift

Elastic Heart // Sia

The Last Great American Dynasty // Taylor Swift

Rumor Has It // Adele

Be Prepared // The lion King

Turning Tables // Adele

I’ve Got A Dream // Tangled

Birds Set Free // Sia

I’ll Make A Man Out Of You // Mulan

I See The Light // Tangled

Capsized // You + Me

#writing #writing prompt #songs #taylor swift #demi lovato #eminem #sia #billie eilish #singers #pink #music #one shots #drabble #headcanons #writing prompts #marvel #fandoms

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 4 years

Note

do you have a curtis fic with the tenderly wiping the blood off? because if not can i request one? but if you don’t have could i have it with chris or ari? or curtis is fine but you know my love for ari haha sorry i’m just rambling now😂💕

Trust Me

A/N- I really liked how this one came out, so it gets a title. No real warnings. Thanks for sending this in babes! I did Ari cause well, I havent yet written for him and I know you love him. Thank You @official-and-unstable-satan for reading over what I had last night and giving it a thumbs up. Love you babes.

Red Sea Diving Resort, 70 kilometers from Port Sudan

You paced by the radio, it was silent. So silent, you just wished it would cackle and Sammy would come over in that garbled sound all radios make, letting them know they were successful, on there way back to the resort. But nothing. Occasionally Ethans voice would break through, making you jump in anticipation each time. He would ask for an answer, but there was nothing. Rachael hugged herself as she waited, nearby, ready to answer when needed.

“They will be okay Y/N, its not like Ari hasnt had them go radio silence before.”

You knew your friend was trying to assure you, but it was hard when your heart was wedged in your throat, waiting to bottom out. Here you and Sammy were similar, sometimes you thought the worst although you hoped for the best. How many times had Ari, cupped your face and made you look at him.

“Trust me Y/N” he would say.

Okay Ari, Im trusting you...

Then there was the cackle, and Sammys voice broke through. “On our way back, successful.” Both you and Rachael took relieved sighs and she answered right away. “Loud and Clear guys, see you soon.” You rubbed your face in relief and she came over to give you a squeeze around the shoulders. “Told you, its all gonna be good.”

Ari drove the truck with its ruined shocks, bouncing all over the road. It had been touch and go, but they managed to get the latest round of refugees out to safety in record time, and at the rate they were going, in just another week, they could be making this trip again.

“Can you slow it down?” Sammy asked, bouncing in his own seat, holding onto the ‘oh shit’ handle on the side. “Were not carrying refuges anymore if they stop us.”

Ari eased up. Barely, he was ready to get back to the resort, take some pain killers, crash for a couple good hours before going back to making more plans, and playing host to there current round of resort guests.

“I also wish you would let me look at where you cracked your head. Seriously Ari, only you man.”

Reaching up, he winced where his head clipped off the side of the trucks frame helping people climb out the back. It was a rushed moment, since Jake warned them that he saw headlights off in the distance, and they still had a truck full of people to get on the rafts. It wasnt his finest moment, but they got the job done and were able to hide the trucks off the beach. Once the armed men, no doubt some of Ahmed’s men, passed on by, they split out of there. Driving by moonlight till the beach was far off in the rear view. They got lucky, again.

Ari always seemed to get lucky, Sammy would sarcastically comment at times.

“Dont worry Sammy, Im fine. I will have Y/N take a look at it before we go to sleep.” Ari remarked, and his friend rolled his eyes and sighed in discouragement with his stubbornness. Ari continued on excitedly though. “It went pretty good I thought, considering they were patrolling. Everyone out, no one got injured. If we plan it right, we can go out next week, as long as Kabede can get them out of camp.”

Sammy wrinkled his brow, worry etching over his face. “You dont think thats pushing it a bit close? Ahmed is already suspicious as it is”

Ari smirked and looked over at Sam “Trust Me.”

Hours later the two trucks pulled up alongside of the resort, you and Rachael waiting just outside the main entrance to greet them back, also to find out about why radio silence. Your hands wrung together and you blew out some hot air in a huff that fluffed your bangs. Rachael chuckled softly at your nerves and leaned in close to whisper to you. “See, its all good.” You smiled at her, an apology for your nerves, and went to greet the men.

Jake and Max came around, from one of the trucks with big grins on there faces.

“Like a charm Doll” Max said, slinging an arm around your shoulder. His good mood was infectious and you relaxed in his hold, your arm slinging around his waist with affection.

“So the radio silence was just for...?” You asked and from behind you, you heard Ari came up on your other side, carrying some of Sammys equipment, startling you. As big as Ari was, he was quiet. A skill he had picked up over the years of military training.

“There were patrols out, not far from us. We went entirely dark for a time while unloading, and had to hide the trucks.” You reached to take some of what he was carrying and caught sight of his face, near his temple was a line of dried blood, leading up to a nasty looking scrapped bruise.

Rachael caught sight of it to, wincing as she reached out to take the stuff from Ari. “Here, let me take that, and you should have Sam take a look at that.” Max collected what you had to, offering to help. Ari started to protest the two of them, when you gave him a gentle push to get him headed into the hotel.

“Shes right, come on.” you insisted, and he didnt fight you. Cutting through the lobby, the two of you skirted around the counter that was the check in, and headed into the employees only section. In the back rooms, Ari leaned lightly against the table watching you as you searched out the first aide kit. “Tomorrow Im going to go into the refuge camp, see if Kabede is ready to bring the next group out, I know its soon, but if they can have to rescue boat back here by beginning of next week, we could start doing this alot faster.”

Ari continued on with what he was hoping for, and tidbits from tonight, while you sought through the bottom cupboard, and finally found the bright red cross case that was your first aide kit. Bringing it over to the table, and flipping it open, your ‘Mmhm’ sounding once in a while to show you were still listening, he reached over to grasp your wrist. “Y/N, whats wrong sweetheart?”

You glance at him while prepping a cloth to wipe away the blood and around the wound. “Ari... It sounds like it was a close call. If you all get caught, lets be real about this. They wont just throw you in some jail cell if your caught with truckloads of refugees.” You didnt mention the last part, the very first day you all arrived, there was an execution style killing going on right outside the window as he was negotiating just to get this place. That was a year and a half ago.

“What are you saying Y/N? You want us to stop? Were saving so many lives.”

Guilt crossed your face as you heard him, it was true. So far you all have managed to smuggle out hundreds of people, slowly emptying the refugee camps. But even in that there wasnt a end in sight. They would just keep coming, desperate and barely hanging onto the promise of freedom and safety.

“I know... I know... “ You say softly while he pulled out a chair and sat down on it so you could clean him up, thighs spreading so you could stand in close where you need to be, and tip his face slightly. “Just hearing how close they were tonight, you going radio silence. It scared me Ari. There is nothing we could do to save you guys.”

His hands moved to the back of your thighs, rubbing your tensed muscles through your pants and grasped lightly under the cheeks while you gently wiped at his cheek, the dried blood flaking off and making your way up the trail. “We have to be smart about this Ari, know when weve played our hand as much as we can without getting ourselves caught.”

Quiet for a time while you dabbed at his face softly, he finally spoke up. “Trust me Y/N, I know it. No one was more worried then I was that we were gonna be found. I drove like a fucking bat outta hell to put distance between us. I cant stop though, not right now... I wont. This works, what were doing works.”

And this was always how it was with Ari, forever will he put everyone else before himself. You knew this the day you agreed to join them on this mission, and to ask him to change? You knew he wouldnt give this up. Not for Sam, not for you, not for the family he left behind ages ago. It was a bitter pill to swallow at times, but at the same time, isnt that why you cared for him more then you should have, His selflessness?

So you set it aside for now, your fingers gentle as the trace over his bearded jawline to tilt his face further, and now careful clean up the actual cut. Its not as bad as it looked, and you change the subject. “How did this happen anyways?”

“Smashed it upside the back end helping people down. I was pulling myself up and clipped it.” Ari rolled his eyes at himself and you chuckled softly hearing it, brushing your fingers through his hair out of his eyes.

“Well fuck Ari, I apparently cant even leave you in the capable hands of Sammy to keep you out of trouble.” You tossed the cloth in the nearby sink now that he was cleaned up, and dabbed just a light amount of ointment on it to keep it clean. When you finished by rubbing your hands together quickly to clear away the rest of the ointment, he tightened his grip on your thighs and pulled one leg up, then the other to straddle him, wrapping one arm around your waist so you could brace back lightly against his arm.

“Not like you could keep me out of it either, dont worry Honey, we got this. We will stop when it gets to be to dangerous.” Your fingers brushed through his hair once more, giving it the lightest teasing tug before wrapping your arms around his neck, and giving him an doubtful smile. You knew it was a lie, he wouldnt. But right now this was another problem, another day, another worry for another time.

Wrapping his free hand around the back of your neck and dragging you forward, his lips connecting with yours and the wild taste of sea salt, hints of nicotine, and something just him drew out a soft moan from you, a tip of the head and he was able to draw you in deeper till you were leaning in against his chest, and with a light bite, he drew away, his long fingers lightly pressing in against the back of your neck.

“Ive got you, trust me.”

You didnt want to, but deep down, you always did.

tagging- @jtargaryen18 @what-is-your-plan-today @p8tn0lish @stardancerluv @princess-evans-addict @patzammit

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babyloniastreasure · 3 years

Text

right so i just got done crying on and off for the first three hours of my day and i think i deserve a bit of unloading into the internet about it

dont mind me i just,,,dont have a support system anymore lol and i need some kind of fuckin release. feel free to ignore

so the last week in particular has been extremely rough and today I almost asked to go to the hospital in the hopes of like, idk. getting some sort of help. I have never been this depressed or hopeless before in my life and I’ve never had so much nothing as I do now. I lost all of my friends and my only support. I don’t have anything to look forward to. I look at my projects and my art and I can’t stand them because everything has memories attached to people who hate me and want nothing to do with me. People who have ignored me for five fucking weeks after telling me “We want to fix this.”

i’m hardly sleeping. im constantly exhausted. im physically nauseous because i cant eat from the stress and anxiety, granted i remember to eat at all or have the energy to get up to get anything in the first place. emotionally im an absolute wreck. I can’t focus. nothing is enjoyable. there’s nothing TO enjoy, because everything i had before was everything they took away. I’ve been left in the dust after they told me they still cared. so clearly that was a lie. if they cared they wouldnt have left at the drop of a hat like that

Even my family has noticed that i’m not okay and they’re starting to ask questions. i feel bad every time i brush them off but I cant let them know how bad things really are. i cant tell them that every hour i have to fight the urge to hurt myself again. that every time i have a second of free thought i think, hey, wouldn’t it be so satisfying to make yourself bleed again? and yes! it would be satisfying! but that’s not a pit i want to fall into again. it had me for years and it took even more years to break. and even though I have the awareness to not go through with it and can recognize it’s not actually going to help in the long run, it’s so exhausting when that’s my first go-to solution. And like yeah I usually have those thoughts anyway but I’ve had such a great system of friends and people I love who love me also that it was easier to get past. There were people there for me who cared and because I knew they cared I could get through the rough patches. But now I don’t have those people. I don’t have any support. There’s nobody who cares about me. So then my loneliness gets to me and i get even more depressed and anxious and I keep spiraling, and those thoughts get worse and harder to fight off. it was those thoughts of intense “lets hurt ourselves really badly :D” that made me want to go to the hospital. I literally had the thought of “If I go to the hospital and they say I’m not severe enough to be admitted, I’ll just grab a pen and stab my leg to prove to them I need help.” Which is neither good nor healthy, but it would be so easy

instead i ended up crying for three hours and started thinking the circumstances that lead me here

and like. i will admit, and i have admitted dozens of times, hundreds of times to myself, that I made a mistake. I know that. I told them that. That was the first fucking thing I said. all i can think about is that singular, one, individual, tiny little blunder. and how despite me acknowledging it and coming clean with it and trying to talk about it, it was blown up and out of proportion and thrown in my face. they took my misstep and every single one of them twisted it and manipulated it into something far from the truth, something that painted me as a terrible person, as a secret asshole, as a huge toxic influence, as a deceitful and unappreciative person. They all threw out everything about our friendship in favor of ignoring what I’d said and assuming something far from the truth, the truth I laid out for them no less.

and then when i asked if i could clarify and communicate, they told me no. then blamed me for not communicating!!

thats all i ever tried to do! was communicate

From day one the group said hey if there’s a problem, be open with it and we’ll talk about it. we communicate to solve problems because we’re all friends and cherish each other.

what a load of shit.

i tried to communicate. I laid out my problem and then everybody else got involved, said I wasn’t allowed to talk about that with them, then they called me back like some kind of court and judge and jury and told me because I didn’t communicate, I was being kicked out. That’s not fair. I wasn’t treated fairly. I wasn’t even allowed to clarify whatever the hell they thought. They straight up told me no, you can’t talk about this with us. That’s not communication. That’s hypocritically shutting me down.

“Communicate with us Jask!”

“Okay I will send communication”

“Op! You’re not allowed :) We agreed you can’t talk to us :) You’re being kicked out :) Oh But Don’t Feel Unwelcome We Want To Fix This.” Then they all fuckin. moved into a space without me in it. That’s not welcoming. That’s exclusionary. That’s not communicating either. I’ve been handed a double standard that I can’t do anything about because I’m not allowed to even say hello to these people

How does anyone expect things to get better if I’m not being given the chance I was promised? its been. five. weeks. I’m ? so fucking tired and sad and alone, waiting every fucking day in the hopes that someone is going to actually talk to me again. then I finally pass out in near tears at 3am because another day has passed with none of them caring enough to even ask if im okay

and like. i desperately want to talk to them. i dont know what id say but. i dont know. i dont know. im not allowed to, for one. they made that crystal fucking clear. but again what would i even say?

do i say im sorry? i apologized dozens of times and it never made a difference, they ignored my apologies from the start and im certain they ignored the ones at the end too. and im terrified of saying sorry to the only person who really matters in this situation because im certain she’s going to cut me off if i even breathe in her direction

do I say that i miss them? what’s that going to do? it feels manipulative to say that. like hey pity me into talking to me again? i cant do that. im sure none of them miss me anyway so why would i put myself on the spot like that

do i admit im afraid to talk to them? again that also feels, bad, because the last time i admitted a feeling it drove them all away in an instant. and like also that feels like im backing them into a corner where they have to respond. and i dont want to force that. so it feels like talking is making the same mistake that made them kick me out. and like. what if...talking really does make it worse? what if talking is what ruins it even though talking is what they told me they want?

again there’s the double standard. be honest and communicate, but if you’re honest and communicate you’re rejected outright and made into the bad guy.

at this point its been so long

and i’ve deteriorated so much

i dont know if like. i just. i dont know...if more deterioration, if more waiting, and more dashed hope is worth it ?

i dont even know if they still want to repair things. what if they dont? what if they never did? what if they lied? what if they sit in their little group and talk poorly about me? what if they made bets about how long it’ll take me to leave or unfriend them like my isolation was some sort of game? what if they think i hate them? what if they really DO hate me? what if they moved on and want to forget about me? what if they regret knowing me at all? what if they wish they never knew me? what if they’re happy without me? what if

oh boy i started crying again

what if this entire month of waiting and crying and wishing and grieving and hoping and loneliness was a waste of time? what if this was all for nothing? what if i never get to talk to them again? i. man. i just. i really really really miss everyone. i miss them so much. i miss them so fucking much. i dont know what to do. I m. fuck. im miserable. i wish i hadn’t said anything i wish i had kept my mouth shut i wish i never tried i wish i never did any of that i wish i had my friends i wish i could go back i wish i could talk to them

if i didnt say anything at least i’d be happy and id have everything and i would have my best friends in the whole world and id, fuck man thats really it, id be happy. im so fucking awul

im so. i. i cant see the scvreen i need to go wash up and stop

#hello void its me ya boi #back again with a new hit single #It's Not A Relapse If You Recovered Six Years Ago #by fall out boy #tw/cw for people who are curious about this ramble #tw self harm #cw self harm #tw intrusive thoughts #cw intrusive thoughts #but also general self loathing and crippling loneliness

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tuggism · 4 years

Text

just a little note

So I haven’t been on this blog in a whileeeee and I'm not even sure anyone will see this. But I was a longtime fan of RT/AH during my literal formative years - completely obsessed for maybe 2012-2017. I loved all the shows and especially LOVED Achievement Hunter, as you can probably tell from the blog lol. I’ve slowly stopped watching videos, but I still have those “comfort” videos you know like the ones that you’ve seen so many times but you keep watching bc its like meeting an old friend again. now I dont know if I can anymore?

I just wanted to vent and its funny how the urge to vent brought me back into my childhood Tumblr lol. but I heard the news last night and I, like everyone, was COMPLETELY blindsided. I cant even begin to explain the flurry of emotions and thoughts I had inside. I loved Ryan. I truly loved them all. I’m so confused. I’m so sad that hes leaving but then I feel bad for feeling sad because of what he has done. I feel so bad for his family. this is such an ethically muddled situation

He cheated on his wife for years. This shit wasn’t just a single instance - it was over the course of like what? 2 years? Maybe if I was younger I would’ve thought of this differently. Maybe I would’ve been able to personally move on from this and still enjoyed him in past videos and maybe even preached to other people to forgive him. But I’m not my younger self. I’m 22, in a loving committed relationship, and there is only pain even at the thought of being cheated on. That is all there is. I cant imagine the pain? his wife might be going through. I saw the video Tess posted. I slowed it down, even read as much as I could. It was some inexplicable attempt at forcing myself to bear witness to what he had done, in order to finally take him down from the pedestal I didn’t even know I had supplied him with in my mind. It was disgusting. It had all the echoes and similarities with gross and cringe conversations you have over snap with boys you meet on tinder. He even mentioned his kids to her a few times. That really kicked the fucking bucket over. Why would you ever mention your kids by name to your mistress? What was he thinking? what fucking insane state of mind was he in??

He was always the wholesome, family man, married to his high school sweetheart, 2 young kids, HAPPY NUCLEAR FAMILY. Well that online persona did not age well. There are so many issues with this situation. The fan/celebrity dynamic that’s beyond fucked up... I’ve never experienced anything of that magnitude but I remember a few years ago when a guy that was considered “a name” started talking to me. And I ignored all the red flags because even the small rush of adrenaline was so good. A few years ago I was at a university event and was constantly hit on by this guy who was more popular, slightly older, and it felt good. We didn’t do much but when I found out a few days later that he had a girlfriend for the last 3 years, the guilt was immeasurable. But I'm not going to lie. Even after the fact, there was still this TINY, SMALL, like 2% of me, that .. wanted even just a little bit more of that attention. So when Tess says that she did things she normally wouldn’t do because of the attention from her LITERAL idol, I believe her. I believe it. As crazy as it sounds, thats the thing that could've made all thought of Ryan’s family not enter the decision making process.

It is selfish of me, but I cant help but feel so sad for AH. These people worked with him, were friends with him for the better part of a decade. I dont think you could deny his part in AH’s popularity. To me, he was so integral. I thought AH and I thought Ryan Haywood. So many iconic moments that I think of with the HIGHEST childhood nostalgia, involved Ryan. All that is tainted now. Completely tainted. everything feels wrong, everything feels off-colour. I basically grew up with AH and this man. I grew up with them. AH was literally my safe space when serious trauma happened in 2017-2018. I’d put on my old favourite videos and play them so that I could fall asleep easier. That’s how much I loved them.

I dont know what im saying. I just needed to say something and get it off my chest so that I can move on. I dont know what my personal relationship with RT/AH will look like now. I’ll be lingering to watch how they deal with this situation, but honestly I’d become a very very casual fan anyway by this point. But its more the detriment to my memories of AH that have caused me great sadness. ITs just all sadness. All sadness.

I agree that people can make mistakes. Cheating just happens to be a VERY BIG mistake. I’ve personally known people who have cheated on their partner. They’re not the most vile, unforgivable people. They just made a mistake. And they have changed. I hope Ryan can get the help he needs. Most of all I hope his family can forgive him. If his family is broken over this he will literally spend the rest of his life atoning for it. Nothing else - nothing about losing his job or fans or public reputation being ruined - will compare with the loss of his family. Dont get me wrong - my opinion on Ryan has drastically changed in the last 24 hours. But I want to be emotionally distant. I want to move on with my life.

This was so long and so incoherent. I just rambled on and on. I dont expect anyone to have read this lol but just know that if you’re confused and conflicted, you’re not alone.

#ryan haywood

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

Text

Name: Stephanie.

Country: USA.

Age: 31.

Gender(s): Female

Height: ~5′4

weight: 70-something lbs.

eye color: Brown.

skin color: White.

Heritage: I’ve been really wanting to do one of those ancestry dna or 23 and me tests to find out exactly what I am. Relationship status: Single.

Are you physically healthy? No.

Are you mentally healthy? Nope

Job?: No job.

school: I graduated college back in 2015.

Favs:

Animal: Dogs and giraffes.

Flower: I don’t really have one.

Movie: I have many favorites.

TV show: I have many favorites.

Music: I like variety.

Band: One of them will always be Linkin Park.

Video Game: Mario Bros games and Animal Crossing: New Horizon

Gaming Console: Nintendo Switch.

Name: Alexander. ;)

Person: My family.

Love life:

1: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope.

2: Do you love them?

3: Are you still in love with an ex? No.

4: How many people have you dated? Two.

5: Do you think you’ll get married? No.

6: Have you ever been emotionally/physically abused in a relationship? No.

7: Have you ever hurt your partner by accident without knowing it? I’m single, but no I don’t think I have in the past. But if I didn’t know it then I wouldn’t know?

8: Whats important to you in a relationship? Communication, trust, understanding, patience.

9: Do you have to see them everyday? ( or hear from them)? I’m singleeee.

10: Do you think you can love someone within 2 weeks? I personally don’t think so.

Friendship and Family:

1: How many friends do you have? Zero.

2: What type of friend are you? Not a good one anymore.

3: Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? Yeah. My former best friend and I were friends for almost 15 years.

4: Do you have one best friend, more or none? One, my mom.

5: Have you ever had a friend just stop being your friend and you never knew why? Yes.

6: Do you get along with family? Yes.

7: Do you have a family member you hate? No.

8: Does your family accept who you are? Yes.

9: Are you an only child or have siblings? I have 2 brothers.

10: Do you have parents that still live together? Yes.

School:

1:What grade are you in? I’m not.

2: Are you in Middle, High, or college? ( or neither)? Neither, like I said I graduated college back in 2015.

3: Whats your favorite class? English was always my favorite. In college I enjoyed most of my psych classes.

4: Do you have a fav school year? Elementary school years.

5: Are you a good student? I was, yeah.

6: Do you think homework is good or bad? I wouldn’t say it’s good or bad. I mean, I get seeing if you’re understanding then material and whatnot and applying it. I guess it depends on the amount assigned and what type of assignment it is.

7: Have you ever had a teacher who was really funny but had poor teaching skills? Yes.

8: Is your GPA high or low? It was high.

9: Do you like to particpate in conversations in the class room or are you the listener? I was definitely a listener. I haaaaated classes that made class discussion apart of your grade.

10: Do you take part in extra school events? (eg. Plays, sports, leadership,clubs)? I was in clubs in high school and the psych club in college, even serving as a board member.

Health

1: Do you need to lose or gain weight? I definitely need to put on some weight.

2: Have you ever had the swine flu? (H1n1) No. I remember being scared about getting it and that whole thing wasn’t even on the level of covid.

3: Do you like to go to the doctors? Nooo. I’ve had more than my share of doctor appointments of all different kinds all throughout my life. They still make me anxious and stressed out, they’re definitely not something I find enjoyable.

4: Have you ever puked in school or at work? I remember getting sick once in kindergarten and having to rush outside to the trash can.

5: Have you ever been extremely sick where you couldnt even leave your bed? Yes, I’ve experienced that several times.

6: Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? I hate actually doing it, but afterwards I usually do feel better. There are times where it gets to the point where I wish I would just do it already and get it over with cause I know it’d help me feel better. That’s when I’m really not feeling well.

7: Have you ever coughed up blood? No.

8: Should you be eating healthier ? Yes.

9: Do you lie to your doctor? I downplay some things or not share certain things, admittedly. :X

10: Have you ever taken too much advils? No. That would make me sick.

Mental Health:

1: Do you have a mental illness? Yes.

2: Do you take anti-depressants? No.

3: Are you mentally stable? Uhhh.

4: Have you ever been misdiagnosed? Yes.

5: Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? Maybe.

6: Is self diagnosing good or bad? I don’t see an issue with researching yourself and thinking you may have something, but it’s important to take that information to a doctor. However, sadly I know that not everyone is able to do that. And I also have a problem with doing that myself, which I think can cause unnecessary stress. I also think people tend to throw around labels and say they have something when they don’t. Gah, it’s a slippery slope.

7: Should we give more money to mental health research? Yes, absolutely.

8: Do you think everyone has a chance to over come their mental disorders? I think many can learn to better manage some of them, but I feel like they’re always going to be there.

9: Would you ever not date someone if they had a severe disorder? ( Schizophrenia,BPD, mood disorders)? I don’t know and I’m probably horrible for saying that. I have my mental disorders and I know it can be a lot for people to be around and handle. I just... I don’t know if I’d be able to be there for them in a way they might need ya know? I lack the experience. I can’t say no for certain. I think it would just really depend on the situation and if I learned more about it.

10: Does mental illness run in your family? Yes.

SEX

1: Virgin? Yes.

2: what age did you lose it? 3: Did you take sex ed? 6th grade, middle school, and a health and psych class my freshman year in high school.

4: Does size matter?

5: Whats your favorite poistions?

6: Does virginity exist? I believe so. I know some feel it’s not a real thing or a social construct, but to me it’s a thing. It’s someone who hasn’t had sex. When you have sex, you’re said to have lost your virginity and to me that just means in the very literal sense that you’re not a virgin anymore. I’m not referring to it as something deeper. Although, it can be for some people. And while I don’t think it’s like losing some part of yourself or something life altering, I personally feel like I would feel a change in some way. I also want to add that it’s something I want “lose” or share with someone special. I don’t know, man. I’m sure I’m not explaining it well. It’s just a personal thing.

7: Do you think sex is overated? I wouldn’t know.

8: Is making love and fucking different? One just sounds more romantic and slow and passionate and the other sounds rough lol 9: Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies? Yeah.

10: If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? If it’s not consensual or your choice then you can choose not to count it is how I see it. Like yes, technically they’ve had sex, but something so horrific and traumatic doesn’t count. Losing their virginity should be done their way, with someone they want to share that with. In the situation they were raped, they’re allowed to take their power and control back and count it when they do so with someone they want to do, consensually.

Check the box:

1.My hair color is: [x] Brown [] Black [] Blonde [x]Red [] Funky colors [] Auburn [] more than one color <<< It’s a mix of my natural color and red because I haven’t dyed it since February.

2.Eye color: []Blue []Grey [x]Brown []Light brown []dark brown []green []amber [] I have two different colors of eyes

3.I am a : []Male [x] Female []Trans Male [] Trans Female []Gender Fluid [] I dont have a gender []Non Binary [] other

4: I am: []Fit [] Average [x]Skinny []Fat

5: I love my : [x]Hair []Eyes []Smile []Teeth []Skin []everything about myself []None of these. <<< Italicized because I only like my hair when it’s been dyed and my roots aren’t showing haha... unlike now.

6: I hate my: [x]Hair []eyes [xx]smile [x]teeth [x]skin [x] everything about myself [] I dont hate anything about myself

7: My feet are: [x]Small []Wide []Narrow []long []large [x]Ugly []Pretty

8: I have a hard time: []Finding something to wear [x]Making Friends [x] making food [x]staying focused

9: I am: []Employed [x]Not employed []retired []I can’t work []Self employed []Looking for a job

10: I love: []the moon []the sun [x]the stars []our galaxy []planets

Bold what is true:

I am Funny

I am a girl

I have no hair

I have curly hair

^ I hate it

I have straight hair

I have a dog

I have a cat

I have both

I love to get drunk

I don’t drink

I love to smoke weed but i hate smoking cigarettes

I love both

I rather have one best friend than 20 friends who i am not close with

My dad died

My mom died

My parents are both dead

My parents are alive

I like to touch my bruises

I have funny teeth

I love Mcdonalds fries

Sometimes when Im alone I sing as loud as I can

even if i cant sing

I believe in God

I believe in the butterfly affect

I hate video games

I wish I was taller

I can’t understand math

I am very good at writing an essay

I never had sex before

I love Mac N Cheese

I love Disney Movies

I prefer Dreamswork over Walt Disney

I am going to College

I finished college

I wish I went to college

I hate my job

I am the boss at my job

I have a feelings for a friend but i cant tell them because it would ruin our friendship

^ I have feelings and i told them

I wish soda was healthy

I sleep with the window opened

This survey was too long

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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juminsmysticmc · 5 years

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Could I request reactions of when (mc and rfa+v dating) mc find out she has an terminal illness and ask them to break up without tell them,she wants them to hate her so they do not grieve too much,so when they know mc already died, angst if you cant its ok ilike your imagination♡0♡

RFA + V with a Mc who finds out that she will die soon and makes them hate her to not make them suffer for her

Huhhhh why do you need to make me cry this much! I hope you like my angst, really…please tell me because I personally think that this is one of my best Hc and for the first time I’m really really really proud of myself! Have fun and don’t cry!

Ps. I watched the Kdrama ,,Uncontrollably Fond’’ where the main lead (Kim Woo Bin) is ill, like Mc in this request and tries to find his old love just to see how much she changed but still loves her. And so the female lead (Suzy) and him go through a lot of hardships since she doesn’t know about his illness at first. I really liked the Drama, it was filled with emotions and secrets! And then after the Drama I found out that Kim Woo Bin was really sick after the Drama, luckily he overcame the illness, I’m soo happy! I first knew him from ,,the Heirs’’ and I didn’t really like him ( Lee MinHo forever haha) but now, ahh I like him! Are there any Kim Woo Bin fans? Now, enough talking, go and read the Headcanon for real!

ATTENTION! This headcanon can trigger! Don’t read if you can’t handle the mention of: Self harm, death, illness, suicide

Jumin

,,You must have seen wrong, Doctor.“ you snapped as the doctor told you about the illness you had.

You were so young, barely 30 and now he told you that you were going to die?

,,How long?“ you asked him.

It wasn’t a long time anymore, you knew.

The doctor told you to please go to the hospital to get treatment.

Without any help, you would live about three months.

You however took your purse and glared at him.

,,If you dare to tell my husband, I will sue you and destroy you.“ you snapped with a trembling voice.

It wasn’t like you to be like that. Perhaps the fear deep in your heart made you tell him these things.

You walked out of the room and walked to the parking lot.

With a click you turned on the radio and began to sob loudly.

What should you tell him now?

Should you even tell him?

And then, you made up your mind.

Once at home you had time for one hour.

You decided to make a video for Jumin.

In there you told him the reason for your lie.

,,I‘m home!“ Jumin called as he opened the door.

You smiled at him and hugged him.

Our last hug….you thought.

As you kissed him, you thought about your last kiss and when you smiled at him, you thought about the last time you could see his beautiful eyes shining at the view of you.

You knew you were selfish but you thought it was for his best.

For the next months the two of you went on trips and every time you went away, you met a former friend.

You tried to make him jealous and angry.

You didn’t only make up relationships, but you also tried to discuss with him about everything.

Deep in your heart it was painful for you too.

But for him you wanted to be in pain even in your afterlife.

The third month finally arrived. Jumin still tried to hold into you but he wasn’t as happy as before anymore.

,,You’re a big cold hearted ass, Jumin Han! Everything I cared about was your money! You know what? I want to have a divorce. Finally get rid of you!“ you yelled and rushed out.

Jumin Han stayed behind and finally cried after a long long time.

He didn’t know that you were in pain, ill and worried about him.

He didn’t know that you hated yourself, that you didn’t mean it, that you didn’t want it.

He didn’t know that you tried to protect him.

Three months later Jumin tried to call you for the last sentence for the divorce.

His anger against you was making him grow colder than he was in the past.

,,Yes?“ a man responded your phone with a trembling voice.

Jumin‘s jealously grew once again.

,,Who are you, Sir? I wanted to talk to Mc.“ he said.

,,I‘m-no, we need to meet up. I guess you’re her ex-husband, right? I have something for you.“ the man mumbled and told Jumin a place and time.

Not long after the two of them met, Jumin Han was a totally different man.

To get to know your cousin and to get to know the news that you died crushed his heart.

The video he gave him, scared him.

Even more did the sight of your crying face.

,,Hello Jumin. If you’re now watching this video it must mean that I‘m dead….haha. How weird to say this. Today I got told that I‘m ill. Deadly ill. I decided to protect your heart and make you hate me. I hope I didn’t fail and that today, you won’t love me as you loved me in the past….I hope that today you’re not in pain without me by your side…Just know that I love you, loved you and will love you forever. Please forgive me. I did everything for you…believe me….“

Jumin Han couldn’t bear it anymore.

He watched the video about three times until he finally decided to sue the doctor.

Afterwards he spend all his money and strength in donations for ill people who were diagnosed with a deadly illness.

And of course he spend his money on wine, a lot of wine.

Three bottles a day in front of the television with your last video, a picture of you and your good smelling pajamas.

Without you this man was broken.

,,Mc….rather than spending these days in hate I would have loved it to spend good days with you….why did you make this decision…?“ he often asked you while he was crying his eyes out.

Zen

,,Ahhhhh so exciting!“ you giggled to yourself as you patted your flat belly.

Since days you were feeling dizzy and had to vomit.

You were sure of it, you were pregnant.

You still didn’t know that you were wrong.

You didn’t know that soon you would be confronted with awful news.

The shock almost made you throw up.

This time however you weren’t happy at your body’s reaction.

You were scared, angry and helpless.

,,But…are you sure that I will die?“ you asked your doctor as tears slowly slipped down your cheeks.

,,Yes, I‘m sorry to tell you about your illness. We can however decelerate this. We need to send you to the-“

,,Sorry. But, will it help me? I will still die. I would rather die now than make my loved ones live with me in pain. Please don’t tell it anybody. My family can’t know about it.“ you begged.

Without an explanation you left the room and walked back home.

The happiness you had earlier disappeared.

Everything but this, you begged and quickly your legs gave up as you began to cry.

,,No no no no no no no no no please please please please please no!“ you begged.

And now? You knew you couldn’t destroy the love of your life, if Zen would know about this he would be as dead as you….

That’s when you got the idea to just break up with him.

You entered your shared home and waited for Zen.

You deeply hoped that your plan would work out and that today would be the last day of your life together with Zen.

Because you just couldn’t bear to lie at him.

,,Hi princess, how was your day?“

,,Hi Zenny~ I saw such a beautiful young man~ why don’t you cut your hair? They are ruined. I think we should change job. We would be such good teachers for example ~!“

,,Mc, are you kidding me?“ he asked you and you noticed that his mood was getting bad.

,,I just wanted to change you~ but I guess I failed. Just let’s break up…I didn’t imagine my life like this.“ you told him with an evil smile.

Zen stayed open mouthed and looked at you.

What did you mean?

But he couldn’t react quickly enough, you already stamped out and left the apartment.

Since then the two of you didn’t speak anymore.

Instead you posted disgusting emojis below his posts to make him hate you even more.

,,Mc…why didn’t you tell him…?“ your sister asked you with tears in her eyes.

,,Do you really want to die without the man you love?“ she asked you as she held your hand.

Finally your time came.

You were thin, you couldn’t even move a muscle anymore.

,,Take…..the letter….in my purse….if Zen would get to know the truth….give him the letter…..“ you tried to tell her.

She nodded and asked you to please stay awake as she took the letter.

But you couldn’t stand it anymore.

Your thoughts were filled with Zen and your eyes searched for him.

In the last seconds of your life you stayed alone.

All your wrongdoings came back to your mind and as you breathed your last breath, you said his name ,,Zen“.

Three years passed, Zen tried to check several times your social media accounts but it was no use, as is if you had disappeared.

Your family also behaved odd that’s how he came to know that you died.

He was shocked as he read your sisters post and so the next day he met her.

,,To be honest I did this on purpose, Hyun. She didn’t want you to know but…..well. Here, a letter from her. I should give it you if you would come to know about her death.“ you sister mumbled while crying. She got up, hugged him, apologized a last time and went away, leaving the young white haired man on his own.

As Zen read the letter, a lot of things came to make sense.

Zen read the letter a lot of times until he decided to follow you.

His dream was to let you know how stupid your decision was and how much he still loved you.

And so Zen died only four years later after your death day, thinking about you

,,I want you to live, who are you kidding, Mc….I want to live with you…“

Yoosung

,,RIKA RIKA RIKA RIKA! I‘m fucking annoyed! You only talk about Rika and LOLOL, Yoosung! Grow up, IDIOT! I will just go to the man who approached me yesterday. I‘m fucking finished!“ you yelled at the blond man who was tearing up.

He didn’t even have the strength to ran after you, to stop you or beg you for forgiveness.

As soon as you packed your things and left the house, you began to cry.

The cold rain pounded on you as the tears rolled down your cheeks.

The coldness outside was almost warm, compared to the loneliness in your heart which made you shiver.

You were indeed a bad woman, you lied and crushed him without blinking, you thought.

,,Illness…to hell!“ you snapped and got up and like a strong woman you entered the hospital to get hospitalized.

,,Oh, Mrs Kim! Who are you writing again?“ the Nurse asked you as she handled you over the pictures you asked her to print.

,,My husband!“ you said with a big smile as you looked at the pictures.

Hair and chest were missing but you were sure, that everything would get better soon.

,,Oh, he‘s in the abroad?“ she asked you.

When you however told her that he didn’t know, her face froze.

It didn’t take long and your situation got even worser.

At some point the nurse begged you to call Yoosung but you never lost hope.

Until one morning you died, alone in the white hospital room.

,,Who’s that?!“ Yoosung snapped as he threw his head phones on the floor.

How long has it been after you left him?

After he lost your whereabouts?

When he opened the door his hopes of seeing you got crushed.

The nurse who was caring for you, was at his door and handled him the letters ,,She fought until her last breath. She was a wonderful woman who mistook one decision. I‘m sorry for your loss.“ she told him and left.

Yoosung read the letters and looked at all the pictures you sent him.

His tears didn’t stop and soaked your last letters.

,,Dear Yoosung, you’re reading this letters while I‘m probably in front of you! We did it, Yoosung! We finally fought, I‘m healthy and alive, Rika‘s faith spared us.

I deeply hope that you will forgive me, Yoosung because I really did my best in order to spare you from these hard moments. I love you.“

Yoosung didn‘t know what to do, the young man cursed you and everyone.

He began to toss all kind of objects around him.

Because this lost was a hard one, a loss which would leave his heart empty forever.

Jaehee

You watched your beautiful girlfriend as she served a guest with a big smile.

You loved her just so much, you wanted to protect her with all your strength.

That’s why you had to do what you planned in your little head.

,,Jaehee.“ you called her after everyone left.

,,Yes?“ she responded and turned her head to you, her beautiful long hair danced as she looked at you.

Her beauty made it even harder for you to break up.

,,I….I decided to move out. This shop…it’s a big burden for me. I hate it here.“ you told her.

,,I would like to break up with you.“ you said.

She didn’t even have time to respond as you began to throw away the cake you prepared for the next day.

,,I HATE IT HERE!“ you screamed and began to sob.

You didn’t want to do it like that, but the fear of your soon death scared you.

Even more the thought about the fact that you will die while she would hate you.

You left the shop sobbing and left Jaehee behind.

You didn’t hear from her for a long long time.

She never called you and so did you.

The only one who knew the real issue was Jumin who was also by your side while you faced the hardship.

Well, to be honest deep in your heart you wanted him to carry your secret as a payback for Jaehee‘s hardships but in the end it turned out that you just wanted someone by your side.

,,How is she…?“ you mumbled after he let you slip a bit of water.

,,Together with Yoosung she‘s working again for me. She cut her hair and closed the shop.“ Jumin said without showing any feelings.

,,So my act will be in vain?“ you asked him.

,,Sometimes it’s just better to say something personally. People think they can protect each other like that, but that’s not true. In the end they just get hurt deeply.“

,,You speak as if you’re not human, Mr Han.“ you teased him and had to cough.

,,Mc, I said several times that I would pay for the hospital fees why didn’t you get hospitalized?“ he asked you.

,,You did more than I actually wanted you to do….“ you told him.

The next day Jumin came, he found two letters on your table. Unfortunately you fell asleep forever after writing them.

A lonely sleep.

,,Dear Jumin.

Thank you for everything you did. Please give this letter to Jaehee. I want to see her a last time. And in order to make her come I wrote the letter. I decided to write you a letter too because it seemed more prettier. And besides I was so sleepy and wanted you to let her know right away. Would you do me this last please? If I‘m asleep, please wake me up~“ the letter said.

Jumin Han shed a tear. You couldn’t see it or hear his sobbing sounds, but he cried for you.

,,Mc had a reason.“ he told Jaehee when he came back.

,,Mr Han I appreciate it that you want us to make up but-“

,,This wasn‘t my intention, Assistant Kang. I wanted her to rest in peace and you…to live without any regrets. Please read the letter and go to give her your goodbyes.“ Jumin told her.

Jaehee softly opened the letter and read every word.

Tears slipped down her face as she read your begs.

To please come to visit her, let you see her beautiful eyes, smell her long hair and listen to her beautiful voice as she talked about the shop.

For several days Jaehee couldn’t get a hold of her life.

As she looked at the shop from the outside, she noticed that everything seemed lonely, cold and dark but when Jaehee remembered your letter, her life began to bloom once again.

,,Please go on with your dream. Our dream, I will always support you.“ your last sentence said.

Saeyoung

,,I’m off!’’ you said and left through the door to go to the hospital.

Since a few days you were feeling odd, you had headaches and felt sick, you also lost a lot of hair and your vision kept getting bad.

You decided to go to the medical.

Saeyoung knew but had no time to go with you.

But your soon to be husband promised you that he would check your condition through the doctors files.

Although you often begged him to stop hacking.

Well, you could never be sure and that’s why today you had two assignments.

Saeyoung although knew only about one, the fake one.

You first went to the fake appointment, you needed new birth control pills, that’s why everything went by pretty quickly, the next one was the real appointment.

Saeyoung didn’t know about this one, and it was good so.

Because the awful truth you came to know would stay your secret forever.

You looked at your tests as you realized that you were really dying.

,,What did you say, doctor? I….I won’t live more than four months…?’’ you asked him again as tears filled your brown eyes.

The doctor nodded.

,,No, Sir, you must have done a mistake, there’s….it’s impossible!’’ you began to sob and cried.

,,No, I’m sorry to tell you that the test is right. But if you like, I could make another appointment for you with another doctor.’’ he told you.

,,No, no…thank you…’’ you mumbled.

Deep in your mind you already knew that you were dying, deep in your heart you could already feel the sadness and loneliness.

Your pale body would soon lay into the tight coffin, darkness would surround you below the ground, coldness will accompany you forever.

You were at the end of your nerves, you were scared.

What would you tell him, the man of your life?

After all he went through, you couldn’t tell him that you would join V.

Your hands began to tremble as you thought about Saeran who still was in a critical situation, Saeyoung wouldn’t be able to survive this on his own, he wouldn’t!

,,But fuck…he’s such a genius!’’ you sobbed harder as you began to chew on your nails.

,,This is all because I kept eating unhealthy things, because I judged Rika, V is giving me his payback for everything what happened in the RFA!’’ you cried.

That day you came home late, Saeyoung was pretty happy to see you but you felt sick at his smile.

He was so happy and your happiness would vanish soon.

,,Crap!’’ you snapped to yourself and slapped your cheek at your ill minded thoughts.

Saeyoung deserved happiness…why were you like that?!

After that moment you noticed that you needed to break up immediately.

,,Mc….why are you packing your stuff?’’ Saeyoung asked you.

,,Saeyoung, you were right, you will hurt me…you are dangerous….you…you are so…difficult to live with! I…I feel like dying with you! I…can’t I’m sorry…this is all to much…please become happy without me and look after Saeran but please let me go, let me live happily!’’ you begged and slapped yourself in your thoughts.

Why did you say that? Why would you hurt him like that? You knew that Saeyoung would get hurt by that, you knew perfectly that he would be unhappy but still, your thoughts kept hunting you.

He could be happy, you not, so why not hurting him?

,,SHUT THE FUCK UP I HATE IT!’’ you screamed and threw everything on the ground.

,,I HATE YOU!’’ you yelled even loader.

,,YOU….YOU! IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU!’’ you panicked and began to cry harder, cold tears dripped on the floor while a few came to touch your lips.

The salt taste of your tears made you notice your words.

You wanted to apologize, beg him for forgiveness and help but all you said was a simply ,,I hate you.’’

With that you left him behind, Saeyoung saw his nightmare in front of him.

He tried to chase you but you glared at him.

,,I won’t give up….’’ he mumbled as he saw you leave.

He didn’t give up on his brother either and now he was together with him again so why should he let you suffer alone?

He knew that something was wrong and that’s why he decided to leave you for a bit.

But perhaps he left you alone for too long.

Because five months later everything about you disappeared.

Nothing was left and the fear that someone could have harmed you let him tremble even in his dreams.

But he never expected to find out about your death.

It was as if he was trapped in a never ending nightmare when he read your doctors files.

Every file said ,,deceased’’.

Was this true?

Saeyoung visited every grave yard and asked everyone about you but he didn’t find you either.

,,Maybe she…she found someone who could hack too?’’ Yoosung mumbled as the RFA were on their way to visit Jihyun’s grave.

Saeran went with them but abruptly stopped his steps as he saw a face he didn’t see for a long time - yours.

,,S….Saeyoung….’’ he mumbled.

,,Huh…?’’ Saeyoung whispered as he followed his brothers eyes to your grave, next to the blue haired man’s one.

,,Huh…?’’ he croaked.

,,No….’’ he mumbled and fell on his knees.

,,NO MC! MC! MC! I’M SORRY FOR MY JOKES, DON’T….DON’T BE LIKE THAT!’’ the red haired man screamed, making everyone notice your grave.

,,NO NO NO NO NO NO!’’ he sobbed harder as his hands touched the cold ground, digging into the dirt to save you from down there.

,,No no no no she’s afraid SHE’S AFRAID OF DARK PLACES!’’ he screamed louder and tried to burrow up your grave.

Only Zen, Jumin and his brother were strong enough to hold him back.

Saeyoung could only read the sentence on your grave before his mind went blank, before he lost his head.

,,The space dust of me will whisper ,,I love you’’ into the infinity of the universe’’

None dared to say it but everyone knew that he would follow you, but none knew that he would follow you so soon….

Jihyun

,,I love you….’’ he whispered as he stroked your hair.

You kissed his cheek and closed your eyes.

Until now you never knew that you were such a good actor, you never knew that you could deceive people so good.

But right now you were doing it.

The truth was that you were ill, you wouldn’t be able to live as long as you thought and wished for.

You would have to leave your boyfriend soon.

You could hear your boyfriend mumble in his dreams while you observed him.

You wanted to break up with him, to let him hate you.

But you already knew that he couldn’t hate you, he even loved Rika so deeply….

While you were watching your handsome boyfriend you were thinking about a way to make him hate you and with thoughts about this problem you fell asleep.

The next morning Jihyun got woken up by a loud thud and screams.

When he went to check on you were throwing around his paintings and pictures.

The man you loved didn’t dare to move an inch as he saw you destroying everything.

,,YOU!’’ you screamed when you saw him, faking anger was pretty hard for you, you loved him after all.

But right now your thoughts were filled with your deadly illness.

,,YOU DREAMED ABOUT HER, RIKA! YOU DREAMED ABOUT HER AND CALLED HER IN YOUR DREAMS! I HATE IT!’’ you screamed.

Jihyun was perplexed, he was sure that he didn’t dream about Rika.

,,Mc, please, don’t destroy them…you will hurt yourself…let us talk…’’ he begged you.

He didn’t knew how to react to you, you never behaved like this.

,,Don’t dare, I WON’T!’’ you screamed.

,,If I become like her, will you love me then?’’ you asked him with a scary voice as you approached him and scratched his arm with a fragment of the broken frame.

Jihyun immediately flinched and went a few steps back, his eyes were filled with surprise, he didn’t knew what to do.

,,Ah….what a pity….your mother died for you, huh? Such a vain…now I get why your father is like that.’’ you snapped at him, hitting his feelings really deep.

You hated yourself for your words as you saw his wet eyes.

When would he finally find happiness?

When would he meet a healthy woman filled with love and happiness? Was this man cursed?

But before you could care more you left the room, trying to get away from him.

To leave him alone with his thoughts about your ugly actions.

You seemed to have done a good job because a few days later everyone from the RFA tried to contact you except for Jihyun.

But unfortunately they were way too late.

You crushed your phone and kissed with red lipstick the letter for Jihyun before you took a few sleeping pills too much.

Your eyes slowly closed as you thought about the man you were leaving.

You wouldn’t allow the illness to destroy you, in his mind you wanted to stay the beautiful girlfriend although you already lost this status for a long time.

,,What?’’ Jihyun sobbed as he heard the news of your death.

,,Yes, I’m sorry.’’ Jumin mumbled and looked at his best friend’s hand who had a big scar left.

He hated you for your act but also was grateful that you left him without any more scars.

Although the tall, black haired man didn’t know that you already left a scar on his friend’s heart.

And so the young man was surprised to see Jihyun dead in the bathtub.

,,Live for me, huh?’’ Jumin mumbled as he read your letter of good bye for Jihyun.

The young man slipped at his glass and gulped the red fluid as he observed the place on his right.

So, the two women he liked the most hurt him once again and even took his best friend from him, huh?

MASTERLIST 1MASTERLIST 2

29.04.’19// 22:37 MEST

Tagged:

@foreversunshine-love @giulia2372 @milkyxstrawberry

@widya345 @remiliadacalde @sailormoonrocks666 @r-f-a-journalists

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livingasaghost · 5 years

Text

a comprehensive list of all the lyrics from reputation that remind me of feyre/rhys/feysand/acomaf:

“WE THINK WE KNOW SOMEONE, BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT WE ONLY KNOW THE VERSION OF THEM THAT THEY HAVE CHOSEN TO US” - introducing the high lord and lady of the frikkin night court PLEASE BOW

ready for it

“knew he was a killer first time that i saw him” - UM HELLO MEETING RHYS AT THE FIRE NIGHT?!

“in the middle of the night in my dreams you should see the things we do baby” - i swear half of their relationship started in their heads those filthy idiots

“knew i was a robber first time that he saw me” - feyre literally becomes a spy in tamlin’s house

“but if i’m a thief then he can join the heist and we’ll move to an island” - THEY PULL OFF THAT HUGE HEIST TOGETHER IN ACOWAR AND THEY BASICALLY WANNA MOVE TO THAT LIL CABIN IN ACOMAF am i shouting i’m sorry

“he can be my jailer burton to this FEYRE” - at first he’s kind of her jailer but then she falls in love with him soooo (also this could be satire bc tamlin was literally her jailer)

“every love i’ve known in comparison is a failure” - TAMLIN THE TOOL AM I RIGHT

“i forget their names now, i’m so very tame now, never be the same now” - satire again but she does become ‘tame’ once she goes back with tamlin

“baby let the games begin” - oof acowar am i right

end game

“big reputation ooooh you and me we got big reputations” - literally rhys and feyre both end up with big reputations

“ooooh you and me would be a big conversation” - THE DEFINITION OF THEIR EFFING RELATIONSHIP

“i got a bad boy persona that’s what they like -- you love it” - freaking rhysand oof

“you hold me down and i’ll protect you with my life” - literally rhys about feyre

“i don’t wanna touch you i don’t wanna be just another ex-love you don’t wanna see” - feyre when she doesn’t realize she loves rhys and they’re mates lol

“KNEW HER WHEN I WAS YOUNG RECONNECTED WHEN WE LITTLE BIT OLDER” - okay so feyre and rhys didn’t know each other as kids BUT they were mentally connected by the bond so that’s kind of the same thing??

“reputation precedes me, in rumors i’m knee deep” - RHYS AND amirightladies

“for all your beautiful traits and the way you do it with ease” - literally i swear rhys says this about feyre all the time

“for all my flaws paranoia and insecurities -- i’ve made mistakes and made some choices that’s hard to deny” - and here’s rhys being self-deprecating as always

“i hit you like bang, we tried to forget it but we just couldn’t” - oof talk about their whole relationship

“i swear i don’t love the drama it loves me” - okay so this is like feyre and rhys both like both of them attract so much freaking drama without even trying

“i can’t let you go your hand prints on my soul” - FEYSAND FEELS

“you’ve been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks so here’s the truth from my red lips -- I WANNA BE YOUR END GAME” - in acomaf when feyre is just a DUMB DEPRESSED ABUSED BITCH rhys is like UH UH I AM CALLING YOUR BLUFF AND BRINGING YOU BACK TO LIFE ANGEL

i did something bad

do i need to even do this one lol

“i never trust a narcissist, but they love me” - this whole song is about tamlin we BEEN KNEW

“for every lie i tell them, they tell me three” - literally tamlin and ianthe whenever they talk to feyre lol

“this is how the world works, now all he thinks about is me” - when she leaves tamlin is so bent up on her and she just wants him to let it go but HE CANT

“IF A MAN TALKS SHIT THEN I OWE HIM NOTHING i don’t regret it one bit cuz he had it comin” - poetic cinema

“they say i did something bad, then whys it feel so good?” - tamlin and lucien and everyone just thinks she’s evil and awful for siding with rhys but it doesn’t even matter HAHAHA

“so i fly em all around the world and i let them think they saved me” - when feyre goes back to tamlin’s court oof

“they never see it comin what i do next” - feyre causing trouble in the spring court in acowar hehehe

“he says dont throw away a good thing, but if he drops my name then i owe him nothing and if he spends my change THEN HE HAD IT COMIN” - HEAR THAT TAMLIN YOU HAD IT COMIN

“they’re burning all the witches even if you arent one - so light me up” - this whole song is just a feyre anthem am i right

don’t blame me

“don’t blame me love made me crazy” - feyre when she pretends the bond is broken at the end of acomaf lol “NO TAMLIN I PROMISE ID NEVER DO THAT RHYS MADE ME CRAZY”

“something happened for the first time in the darkest little paradise” - the freaking night court is a dark little paradise am i right

“for you i would cross the line” - FEYRE! CROSSED OVER! FROM THE SPRING COURT! INTO THE NIGHT COURT!

“they say she’s gone too far this time” - literally everyone judging her for jumping ship to rhys

“echoes of your name inside my mind, halo hiding my obsession” - !!!!!! THEY LITERALLY ECHO IN EACH OTHER’S MINDS!!! AND THEY’RE SO OBSESSED!!!

“i once was poison ivy but now i’m your daisy” - this line is interesting bc in theory she went from a daisy to poison ivy but RHYS actually turned her from the depressed poison ivy she was in acomaf to the daisy that loves him and fights for their court OOF

“and baby for you i would fall from grace just to touch your face” - FREAKING THIS LINE!!!! FEYRE FELL FROM GRACE BC SHE WANTED TO TOUCH RHYS’ FACE!!!

“if you walk away id beg you on my knees to stay” - all i can picture is rhys on his knees rememberrrr

delicate

“my reputation’s never been worse so you must like me for me” - RHYSAND TO FEYRE

“we can’t make any promises now can we babe? but you can make me a drink” - this is like the beginning of their relationship bc they never really make promises to each other but they just spend time together and hope it’ll work out

“oh damn never seen that color blue” - mmmmm rhys’s eyes what a time

“is it chill that you’re in my head?” - honestly this whole song is rhys @ feyre

“do the girls back home touch you like i do?” - feyre thinking about freaking amarantha???

“echoes of your footsteps on the stairs, stay here honey i don’t wanna share” - all those times that rhys had to leave to do whatever business he had

“sometimes i wonder when you sleep, are you ever dreaming of me?” - !!!! the purest lil rhysand

“sometimes when i look into your eyes i pretend you’re mine all the damn time” - if this isn’t feysand i swear

look what you made me do

GO OFF FEYRE GO OFF!!!

“i don’t like your little games don’t like your tilted stage the role you made me play, of the fool, no i don’t like you” - FEYRE GOING OFF ON TAMLIN AM I RIGHT

“but i got smarter i got harder in the nick of time, honey i rose up from the dead i do it all the time” - i just like to imagine feyre drawing herself to her full height with her wings and her fierce face and just towering over tamlin in rage

“i’ve got a list of names and yours in red underlined” - i mean....feyre has a list for sure

“LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!!!” - tamlin look what you made her do geez

“i don’t like your kingdom keys they once belonged to me” - MMMM feyre once liked the spring court but then he just LOCKED HER IN AND TOOK THE KEYS

“the world moves on another day another drama drama, but not for me not for me all i think about it karma” - feyre going to rhys is totally dramatic but she keeps thinking about the karma of it all

“maybe i got mine but you’ll all get yours” - FEYRE @ THE SPRING COURT

“i don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me” - lucien @ feyre

“i’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams” - god if this aint feyre

“i’m sorry the old feyre can’t come to the phone right now -- why? OH! CUZ SHE’S DEAD!” - !!!!! SHE IS NOW HIGH LADY GO OFF GIRL

so it goes

literally just the feysand sex anthem

“see you in the dark, all eyes on you my magician” - rhys is totally feyre’s magician omg

“gold cage hostage to my feelings” - so many cage metaphors but this is a good nice cage bc it’s just her being held hostage by her feelings and not a mean white guy

“all the pieces fall right into place” - that’s feysand for ya

“you know i’m not a bad girl, but i do bad things with you” - FREAKING that’s just the definition of rhys and feyre

“i make all your gray days clear and wear you like a necklace” - honestly this works for both of them bc they both make their gray days clear (and wear each other around lol)

“but i got your heart skippin when i’m gone” - rhys always being afraid when feyre goes off

“scratches down your back now...” - i mean...need i say more?

“you did a number on me, but honestly baby who’s counting?” - let’s pretend i like writing about sex yikes

gorgeous

IF THIS AINT JUST TRUE FEYSAND

“you should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong” - rhys definitely has a very strong magnetic field

“and i got a boyfriend he’s older than us, he’s in the club doin i don’t know what” - lol @ tamlin

“you’ve ruined my life by not being mine” - i mean...come on

“you’re so gorgeous i can’t say anything to your face, cuz look at your face” - yes rhysand is GORGEOUS *DING*

“and i’m so furious at you for making me feel this way” - feyre was always just so mad whenever she started liking him bc she didn’t want to what a dumb bitch

“you should think about the consequence of you touching my hand in a darkened room” - this is like the whole beginning of their relationship haha

“ocean blue eyes looking in mine i feel like i might sink and drown and die” - !!!!! RHYSAND!!!

getaway car

I MEAN COME ON??! is taylor just copying acomaf??!

“it was the best of times the worst of crimes” - what tamlin did was a crime honestly

“i struck a match and blew your mind but i didn’t mean it and you didn’t see it” - this is all of tamlin and feyre’s relationship in acomaf honestly like feyre does stuff she doesn’t actually mean but tamlin doesn’t see it anyway

“i wanted to leave him, i needed a reason” - !!! SHE WANTED TO LEAVE TAMLIN!!! SHE DIDN’T HAVE A REASON THO SO SHE JUST CRIED FOR HELP!

“he poisoned the well i was lying to myself” - did he not?

“you were drivin the getaway car we were flyin but we never get far” - rhysand swooped in (although technically it was mor but whatever!)

“it was the great escape the prison break, the light of freedom on my face” - when feyre finally made it to the night court oof!

“he was runnin after us i was screamin go! go! go! but with 3 of us honey it’s a sideshow” - this is exactly what happened

“we were jet set bonnie and clyde - until i switched to the other side” - she and tam were partners! but then she jumped ship to the night court!

“i’m in a getaway car, i left you in the motel bar, put the money in a bag and i stole the keys, that was the last time you ever saw me” - i like to think about how feyre just skipped out of the spring court like the devious little minx she is

“i was riding in a getaway car, i was cryin in a getaway car, i was dyin in a getaway car, said goodbye in a getaway car” - oof

king of my heart

AND ALL AT ONCE!!!

“we rule the kingdom inside my room” - yep that’s feysand alright

“cause all the boys and their expensive cars with their range rovers and their jaguars never took me quite where you do” - tamlin gave her so much and yet he really didn’t give her what counted hmmmm

“AND ALL AT ONCE YOU ARE THE ONE I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR KING OF MY HEART BODY AND SOUL” - sigh

“your love is a secret i’m hoping dreaming dying to keep” - they have to hid their love when feyre goes back to tamlin and now i’m sad

“change my priorities the taste of your lips is my idea of luxury” - before rhys feyre really didn’t have anything to fight for so he gave her purpose and life and proved that she had that in her all along, even without him

“is this the end of all the endings? my broken bones are mending with all these nights we’re spending” - RHYS LITERALLY BROUGHT HER BACK TO LIFE AFTER SHE LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT AT TAMLINS

“baby all at once this is enough” - feysaaaand

dancing with our hands tied

“i loved you in secret, first sight we loved without reason” - even though she didn’t love him from that first time at the fire night, even when she saw him she was like OOF THIS GUY

“my love had been frozen, deep blue but you painted me golden” - !!!! NAME A MORE PERFECT LYRIC! FEYRE WAS LITERALLY DEPRESSED AND BLUE BUT RHYS BROUGHT HER BACK AND MADE HER GOLDEN!

“you said there was nothing in the world that could stop it, i had a bad feeling” - literally just them going to hybern

“you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis” - need i say more

“people started talking, putting us through our paces, i knew there was no one in the world who could take it” - when word got out that they were together and ppl just hated that

“but we were dancing, dancing with our hands tied” - mmmm starfall

“i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us” - like honestly feysand to the extreme

“so baby can we dance through an avalanche?” - oof

“i’m a mess but i’m the mess that you wanted” - FEYRE IS SUCH A MESS! RHYS IS SUCH A MESS! BUT THEY BOTH WANTED EACH OTHER!!!

“cause it’s gravity keeping you with me” - they’re literally mates and they keep being destined to be together it’s gravity bay-beeee

“i’d kiss you as the lights went out, swaying as the room burned down, i’d hold you as the water rushes in, if i could dance with you again” - literally the end of acomaf i’m sad

dress

the other feysand sex anthem yeet

“our secret moments in a crowded room, they got no idea about me and you” - oof when they have to go to the court of nightmares

“there is an indentation in the shape of you, made your mark on me a golden tattoo” - this is so feysand it hurts

“all of this silence and patience pining and anticipation my hands are shaking from holding back from you” - like???? honestly get a room

“say my name and everything just stops i don’t want you like a best friend” - remember when feyre thought they were just friends LOL

“ONLY BOUGHT THIS DRESS SO YOU COULD TAKE IT OFF” - it be like that sometimes

“inescapable i’m not even gonna try” - that’s exactly what their relationship is

“and if i get burned at least we were electrified” - oh they were electrified all right

“i’m spillin wine in the bathtub, you kiss my face and we’re both drunk, everyone thinks that they know us, but they know nothing about...” - just like...imagine the two of them...im crying

“even in my worst times, you could see the best in me” - !!!!! feyre @ rhysand and rhysand @ feyre

“flashback to mistakes, my rebounds my earthquakes, even in my worst lies you saw the truth in me” - tag a more perfect couple

“and i woke up just in time, now i wake up by your side, my one and only my lifeline” - IT’S THEM! EACH OTHER’S LIFELINE!

this is why we can’t have nice things

“why’d you have to rain my parade? i’m shaking my head i’m locking the gates” - honestly tamlin is at fault like he didn’t have to be an asshat and yet...

“THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS DARLING BECAUSE WE BREAK THEM I HAD TO TAKE THEM AWAY” - feyre taking herself (the nice thing) out of the spring court bc tamlin’s an ass

“did you think i wouldn’t hear all the things you said about me????” - literally so much shit-talking is done in the spring court i swear

“there i was giving you a second chance but you stabbed me in the back whlie shaking my hand” - the definition of tamlin honestly

“so i took an axe to a mended fence” - BYE BYE BITCH

“but i’m not the only friend you lost lately IF ONLY YOU WEREN’T SO SHADY” - lucien even said tamlin was in the wrong!!! AND TAMLIN WAS SO SHADY HE WENT TO THE KING OF HYBERN!!!

“here’s a toast to my real friends!” - we love the inner circle

“and here’s to my baby!” - we stan rhysand

“and here’s to you cuz forgiveness is a nice thing to do -- I CANT EVEN SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE” - LOLOLOLOL

call it what you want

okay out of ALL OF THE SONGS this one is definitely the one that matches up the most, the one that i think is truly 100% the best feysand song in existence

“my castle crumbled overnight” - feyre literally was in the spring court and then suddenly she just felt awful and tamlin was the worst

“i brought a knife to a gunfight” - feyre trying to fight amarantha but also trying to go against tamlin

“all the liars are calling me one” - IANTHE AND TAMLIN OOF

“nobody’s heard from me for months, i’m doin better than i ever was” - !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAS BITCH

“my baby’s fit like a daydream, walking with his head down i’m the one he’s walking to” - rhys does not care what anyone says or thinks he just loves feyre oof

“SO CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT YEAH CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT TO” - literally no one understands them outside the inner circle and i just wanna die

“my baby’s fly like a jetstream, high about the whole scene, loves me like i’m brand new” - RHYS LITERALLY FLIES! AND LOVES HER LIKE SHE’S BRAND NEW!!!

“all my flowers grew back as thorns, windows boarded up after the storm” - funny bc it’s a court of THORNS and ROSES but also she did change from that innocent soft girl to someone who would cut a bitch for her friends, she also is really closed off at the start of acomaf and rhys just...

“he built a fire just to keep me warm” - KEEPS HER WARM!

“all the drama queens taking swings, all the jokers dressing up as kings” - the frikkin spring court (tamlins the drama queen lol)

“they fade to nothing when i look at him” - dare i say oof

“and i know i make the same mistakes every time, bridges burn i never learn at least i did one thing right” - SHE DID ONE THING RIGHT

“i’m laughing with my lover making forts under covers” - picture feysand building a pillow fort

“STARRY EYES SPARKING UP MY DARKEST NIGHT” - LIKE COME ON!!! THE NIGHT COURT!!! IM SCREAMING!!

“I WANT TO WEAR HIS INITIAL ON A CHAIN ROUND MY NECK, NOT BECAUSE HE OWNS ME BUT CUZ HE REALLY KNOWS ME” - okay wait this one though....dare i say....oof

“you don’t need to save me, but would you run away with me - yes” - that’s like the definition of feysand

new year’s day

“there’s glitter on the floor after the party” - STAR FALL!!!!

“don’t read the last page but i stay when you’re lost and i’m scared and you’re turning away” - i’ve run out of cool anecdotes so cut to me sobbing

“i want your midnights” - like...all their nightmares....

“i can tell that it’s gonna be a long road, but i’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town babe, or if you strike out and you’re crawling home” - oof

“i stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes” - still feeling things

“hold on to the memories they will hold on to you” - im sad

why she disappeared

“when she fell, she fell apart” - feyre in acomaf am i right

“cracked her bones on the pavement she once decorated as a child with sidewalk chalk” - FEYRE’S A PAINTER! IT FITS!

“when she lay there on the ground, she dreamed of time machines and revenge and a love that was really something, not just the idea of something” - honestly tho if this aint feyre

“when she stood, she stood with a desolate knowingness, waded out into the dark wild ocean up to her neck, bathed in her brokenness” - *singing* acomafff

“said a prayer of gratitude for each chink in the armor she never knew she needed” - it helped her find rhysand

“standing broad shouldered next to her was a love that was really something” - OOF

“without your past, you could never have arrived, so wondrously and brutally, by design or some violent exquisite happenstance...here” - !!!!!! FEYRE ARCHERON EVERYBODY!!!!

#feysand #reputation #acomaf #acotar #feyre #feyre archeron #rhys #rhysand #night court #sjm #sarah j maas #taylor swift

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angelnoel026 · 5 years

Text

Chapter 11

I wake up and get ready for school. I notice dad hasn't come home since last night. I hope he's alright. Brendan rides with me this time. "Okay so I'm staying after school today. I'm not sure what time I'll be back but if dad still isnt home were going to look for him." I say. Brendan yawns. "Gotcha, drop me off here." Brendan says directing me. Of course he'd want to be with his stoner friends. I roll my eyes and continue my day. Danna comes up to my locker. Oh this should be good. "Your really staying after school with Tommy today?" She asks. "Wow you actually approached me and was nice about it." I sarcastically say back. She gives me a look. "Well I'm staying after too, better watch it." She threatens me. "You can't tell me who I can and can't date you arent my mother." I defend myself. "Least I still have my mother freak. See you after." She walks off. I scoff and punch my locker, making a dent in it. "Hey are you okay?" Someone asks me. My eyes return to normal and I turn around to see a young man, colored, husky looking. He must be new. "Ah.. yeah, sorry that girl she just gets on my nerves. But thanks for asking." I respond. "It's okay, I always like to help others and I can get angry too, we all do. But boy you must work out cause look at that dent wow!" The boy says investigating my locker. I chuckle. "Yeah let's put it that way." I say. "I'm Bryce Williams." Bryce says holding his hand out. I shake it. "Katherine Hale. Are you new here?" I ask. "Yeah today's my first day, you wouldn't mind if you gave me a tour?" He asks. "Not at all, come on." I say leading the way. It's nice to make a new friend, Bryce and I have the same classes and we hit it off well. Last class has begun and I see him... Tommy. Gosh am I really starting to catch feelings? I hope it's worth it. He smiles at me and heads towards me. "Good afternoon." He says. "You as well." I say back. "How's your day so far?" Tommy asks. "It's good, I made a new friend and most likely ruined my locker, how about you?" I admit. Tommy chuckles. "It was good, I'm just looking forward to studying with you." He says. I smile. I can hear Danna scoff, jealous bitch bite me. Luckily she doesn't know about the locker room so itll be easy to avoid her. I grin. The bell rings and class starts. An hour later class is over and I head to the locker room. I wait patiently and I suddenly hear footsteps, its Tommy. "Hi." I say. "Hi." He says. "So what do you need help studying with?" I ask. "Um.. history, I don't know I try to pay attention and understand but I dont get it." He admits. Luckily I was always got an A in history so this is no problem. We take our books out and study. "Okay so were on chapter 8, supernatural creatures." I gulp looking at the page, of course there's a werewolf on it, today is really testing my patience. "Werewolves, I've heard alot about them, I heard there used to be alot of them in Beacon hills, there was even a creature known as the Beast of Geveduan who went on a killing spree." Tommy says. "And you said you were bad at history. " I say. We both laugh. "Well when I take an interest in something I like to learn about it as much as possible." He says looking at me. We both stare into each other's eyes. "You know you have beautiful eyes." He compliments me. "Thanks I get them from my father." I say. Tommy tries to lean in again like at the wedding, when suddenly a loud noise occurs. We both jump causing Tommy to hit his head on the locker. "Ow!" He yells rubbing his head, there's alittle blood. What the hell was that? "Hold on I think there's a first aid kit." I say getting up to look for one. Luckily coach has one in his office. I lightly dab Tommy's wound. "Are you okay?" I ask. "Yeah I think so. Agh!" He says feeling the pain on his head. I put my hand closer to his wound. "Your gonna be okay." I say. I breath slowly and before I know it, the same black veins that were on dad's arm when he healed Brendan appear on mine. I'm taking his pain away. Tommy breaths and feels relieved. "Wow, it's like the pain completely dissapeared. How did you do that?" He asks. I take my hand off him, I feel weird after doing that, it's like a sort of liquid had entered my body. "I uh... I read in this book that if you rub you're head just right the pain is gone." I lie, I feel bad but I can't tell him the truth. He doesn't say anything and nods his head. We stare at each other again. I make the first move this time. I lean in and kiss him. The kiss is passionate and slow. I'm going to be honest this was my first kiss and it couldn't be more perfect. I break the kiss. "Was that you're first kiss?" Tommy asks. It's like he read my mind again.. I swear were connected or something. "Uh.. yeah.. sorry if it was bad." I admit, blushing. "Hey hey." Tommy says lifting my chin up. "You're a great kisser, I loved it. I'll be honest with you, I haven't kissed anyone either, you were my first as well." Tommy admits. I smile, that made me feel alot better, Danna can wat my dust. I lean in again and continue the kiss. I climb on top of his lap and continue making out with him. Little moans escape our mouths. Tommy sneaks his hand up the back of my shirt. I stop. "Are you okay?" He asks. "Yeah.. it's just I wanna take things slow, maybe get to know you more and hang out." I say. "We can do that, I'm in no rush." Tommy says. "We should get back to studying. " I say getting off his lap. We continue to study and enjoy what seems to be our peace in this cruel world but it only lasts for so long before we hear another noise. We look up. "Should we check it out?" I ask. Tommy nods his head and we both get up. We walk out of the locker room and into the hall way. We both look in opposite directions. "I dont see anything. " I say. Tommy doesn't respond. I turn around and he is standing like a statue. I look to see what he's looking at and I freeze as well. It's my mom, in full wolf form ready to attack. She snarls at us. "That's a wolf." I say. "Yeah... we should run." He says. We both head for the nearest exit with my mom on our tails. I know there was only 1 way to get her to back off. I let Tommy run further ahead and I stop. I wait for mom to get closer to me. The thought of my mom wanting to hurt Tommy triggers me and I change into my wolf form. I roar off the top of my lungs making her stop. I hear Tommy's feet stop running. The roar seemed to work because she is now running off, I know it wont be the last time I see her but I can't put him in danger, not tonight. When I can no longer smell her scent I turn around and Tommy is in front of me. He's now seen me as a wolf.. he knows now I cant get out of this lie. I return back to normal and sigh. "There's... there's something I gotta tell you." I say disappointed, I wanted to tell him but not this way. Tommy takes a deep breath. "You're a werewolf." He says in shock. To be continued

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xstarox · 5 years

Text

Long post

2017-2018 was really a bad year (except when i met my sunshine aka my bebi so)

So, first few months of 2015 my first love left me cuz he wanted to pursue his career by being a pilot so thats what he chose and i fully understand even though it really hurts cuz we had so many plans like LOT of plans, man. Those were the days when i don’t even overthink about him leaving me or something because we were really happy and everythings perfect. My parents loved him so much. His parents loved me so much. We were in ONE like ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY. Good times. I never regret letting him in my life because at one point he was the reason why i was really happy and enjoying those little things and just living in those moment where just seeing him makes me complete and he was so perfect and he was always there for me like even after the break up, he always checks up on me but he got busy and all and so am i so that’s just it but he still wanna see me when i go back in the philippines cuz we’re still friends and that’s good. Good times from 2014-2016

So after dating my “first love” till 2017, I met this guy, who became my ex-fiance, so here’s why “EX-fiance” I think i never really loved him. I just wanted someone to be there for me that’s why i said “yes” because i was really sad when my “first love” left me. It really breaks my heart using someone. I know it’s such a bad thing but what can i do? I was really broken. Yeah, shitty reason cuz i broke my “ex-fiance’s” heart too by cheating on him. lotta times. I wasn’t really myself i guess. I was so demanding. I feel like i’m not gonna meet someone like “my first” love and it scares me a lot. I did lotta shit. I tried to make it up to him but it doesn’t really work out so he cheated on me too. So same shit now right? I think thats when i realized that i had to leave the philippines so i can find myself. you know? Cuz i wasn’t really myself before. Like it wasn’t me at all. I asked myself like why would i use someone who just wants the best for me? So i tried to changed but shit happens. He cheated again and i didn’t really care at all. I feel like my heart went from being soft to solid rock. I would scream at him and cuss the shit outta him and just say that i don’t care anymore cuz i wanted him to realized that he should just leave. Been together for a year but it was all pretending and all fightings and shit. There’s no love at all. Even my parents doesn’t really like the fact that he keeps calling them when i don’t answer my phone when i don’t wanna talk to him. It was ALL TOXIC. Thats the point where i don’t even planning on going back in the philippines. I just wanted to be alone for a while cuz it was too much. He made me overthink and i broke him. I ruined him and we never really had a “closure” but if one time he checks up this blog, just want to let you know that i’m sorry for ruining you and i forgive you too for doing such things.

So, next guy? Hmm, i never thought i’d still talk about him though but here we go, So..He was like the second guy i really fell in love with like so hard, man. I met him on this dating app (pls dont judge me haha) first time we talked there’s a clicked, you know? He wanted to get coffee and meet up and i couldn’t meet him that day cuz my sister will kill me hahah but after i think a week of talking? we met cuz i asked him if he knows this place and he was the one who offered me to drop me off ((it was my interview haha)) and then i waited for him that day. Damn. Love at first sight was real huh? It was so fucking real. I couldn’t even look at him when were talking. I didn’t even shake his hands or hug him cuz i was so shy. He was so attractive. He was so nice. He was amazing, man. He was like the definition of perfection so long-story-short. we dated. we were really happy. things are good even though sometimes we fought a lot cuz he keeps overthinking about stuff (family, me, my family, him, everything) i tried to helped him though. Stayed up all night for him so he won’t feel that he’s alone cuz i know how he felt before that he was alone and that no one was there for him but then there’s me. I tried to gave him my all. I tried to be there for him even though every damn day he was pushing me away. I remember him saying goodbye straight to my face. we were in the car. outside my house. I was like crying so fucking hard. I was thinking that moment that “i cant lose him. i cant. not him.” He became my world even just for a while. My family knows him. My nephew and niece loved him. He was like a part of the family. yeah? But shit happens. He left. I felt that moment that i lost every fucking thing. I lost my other half. I lost my best friend. I lost him. I lost everything. Oh man. He left because his parents found out about me cuz apparently he couldn’t date anyone. Fix marriage ya know? Thats their thing. He told me that at first but i thought i could change that but i couldn’t and that hurts. I know how hurts he was too. It wasn’t easy i know. we were really in love. so in love. I tried to force myself into him even though he doesn’t want me in his life cuz he told me he can’t meet me anymore. he can’t be with me anymore. I always leave message for him when i’m drunk like “i hope ur happy and i love you so much and i miss you” but after few months i found out that he found another girl and thats when i realized that i have to just let it go. That i have to let go of the person who i thought i knew. Even though he said that he’d choose me over anyone else that ain’t the truth. Maybe people lie so they could make us feel that theres hope even though there isn’t and that’s okay because in the end you’ll knOw your worth and you’ll thank them for doing such things. I will never hate you. You know i never would. Thank you for the happiness, sadness, heartaches, overthinking and all. You changed me and i hope i made an impact in your life.

So enough with the heart aches, let’s talk about happiness now.

Ah man, I never thought i’d be so happy now. I’m really thankful that i met my boyfriend, he’s like the best thing ever. Since day 1. Since day 1 he was there for me. From being this so sad girl to this annoying kulit girl who talks a lot and annoy him a lot. He changed me you know? I know theres still times that i overthink but it doesn’t mean na i’m gonna be like that forever but i’m thankful because you’ve been helping me to get through this baby. You’ve been supporting me, You’ve been very understanding, You’ve been really nice and you’re so amazing. You’re so perfect. I’m so thankful for you. Everyday you always checks up on me if i’m okay or not and you’d always call me or suprise me and just be there for me. Every time that we’re together it’s always happy and it’s enough and you’re enough and i thank god that he gave me the best gift ever which is you. I got to love by the most amazing person. You’re such an angel, baby and i love you so much. Thank you for always putting me first. You know you can always count on me like i count on you, right? My fams really happy that i’m happy now because of you. You helped me a lot, babe. You helped me so much and i’d be forever thankful for that. I know sometimes theres arguments but it doesn’t mean na i’ll give up because i promised na no matter what happens, i’ll be here. and i will love you. You’re my bestfriend, my sunshine, my bebi, my love-love, my everything. You’re such a blessing and i’m really happy baby and don’t worry you’ll never lose me. I got you, You got me. we got this, okay? me and you and everything. Im not gonna love anyone like i love you. I love you so much and thank you for everything you’ve done for me. You changed me for the better, babe. I’m thankful for everything. I love you

#baby #text #nati #ygo #as #love #happiness #heartaches

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