#describe it. and i am a very intense and passionate person in general and so i do feel like itd be a overwhelming for him but. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

merely-a-caricature · 1 year

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What does it mean to be Sex/Romance Ambivalent?

The majority of people on the aspec are aware of favorable, indifferent, etc. when talking about personal stances toward romance/sex. But what about ambivalent? I don’t see people mentioning it nearly as much. I’ll give a brief explanation for those who don’t know what romance/sex ambivalent is.

Since I’m sex-ambivalent, I’ll use my personal experiences as an example. Sex-ambivalent is a personal stance on sex. Your feelings toward sex may fluctuate and be unclear. (Everything I say can be applied to romance-ambivalent as well with some obvious tweaking). Your personal stance could range from the feeling of being indifferent to averse, favorable to repulsed, indifferent to repulsed, whatever. Personally, I fall anywhere from feeling like indifferent to repulsed.

How we feel may vary depending on mood or what types of acts are being performed. For some they may be more comfortable when it’s with fictional characters. Or maybe they’re more comfortable with different people. I may be in a in a mood and be rather repulsed by the idea of anything sexual, but when I’m in a better mood it doesn’t bother me as much. There are many other reason why your feelings towards romance/sex may fluctuate, but this is just a general overview.

I may occasionally read erotic fanfiction and enjoy it, but I can’t even stand the thought of actual p*rn. Sometimes I don’t even want to read any kind do fanfiction like that. While I do enjoy certain types of more erotic fanfiction, I only enjoy it when certain types of acts are performed. Usually I just like a passionate make-out that gets a bit heated. Maybe some stuff that gets more suggestive too. But anything that involves actual more intimate parts on top or bottom gets an immediate “Nope” for me and I suddenly get more uncomfortable. I can’t stand the idea of intercourse or read about, but I can be totally okay with other “less intense” sexual acts.

I also want to point being being greyace is not equivalent to being sex ambivalent. I’m a black stripe ace meaning I experience no sexual attraction, but I am also sex-ambivalent. You can be greyace and sex ambivalent, be black stripe and ambivalent, and even be allo and sex-ambivalent! Ambivalent isn’t just a way to describe aros/aces, it can apply to anyone no matter your orientation.

Romance/sex-oscillating is also another slightly different term that describes how feelings towards the concept of romance/sex fluctuate/change over time. The factor for changing feelings when your oscillating is the passage of time v.s the factor for changing when your ambivalent is going to things like mood, whether or not it’s the written word, fiction or non-fiction, the types of acts being performed, etc. It depends on the person what external factors may change their feelings. Some people use both labels, some people, like me, don’t, and that’s okay. I apologize if I didn’t explain oscillating well enough. I do not identify with the label myself or feel that way, so please tell me if I could improve upon anything said.

All of this to say, some people feelings on romance/sex are very complicated and don’t fit super neatly into one single stance or they can fluctuate over time. You may feel differently about different situations than I do, and that’s okay. All us ambivalents aren’t the same after all!

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elysiuminfra · 1 year

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my I Need Money post (AKA, please consider helping me survive my abusive homelife)

Hi! I’m Cecil. I’m a 20 year old transgender artist from Louisiana, and I can make YOU art!

Art is my sole source of income, and I’m in a bit of a pickle. I am an adult now, and I gotta do adult things. like pay off debt. My sibling is 17. We are both victims of abuse and child neglect at the hands of our alcoholic parents. It’s not so great, but I’d like it to get better.

I’m disabled from medical neglect, and have no way to get my driver’s license. I am unable to get a job, as I live too far from anywhere that would hire me, with no way to get there. This is all I got, man! I got two hands and a warrior’s spirit!

My sibling is my pride and joy and I want to see them flourish and thrive because they’re awesome. They struggle with untreated bipolar disorder and a slew of medical problems, and I want to get them treated for it. I also need to take my two cats to the vet. I have debt I have to pay off, and I have to buy myself food to combat my increasingly declining weight. My clothes don’t fit very well anymore. :(

Art and design is my life-long passion, and I’d like to do it for the rest of my life, but I can’t if I can’t get on my feet. If you’d like to view more of my work, you can check some out here, or view some of my more professional work on my commission website here.

If you would like to financially support me, consider commissioning or donating! Even just sharing helps!

https://ckncommission.carrd.co/

https://ko-fi.com/cknelysium

On a serious note, things at home are not great. This is where I talk about what is going on in detail. Details of abuse and neglect beyond this point. Not required reading, but necessary for context. Photos included.

It’s not that I’m just poor, my parents both work full-time jobs, and they manage to pay the bills. I have food and a roof over my head, but I own nothing but debt, and can’t financially support myself. My parents have been neglecting my sibling for years, and neglected me the same. They do nothing to help us.

My sibling is showing signs of health deterioration, likely malnutrition, and they don’t seem to be concerned about it at all. My health is getting worse, too, because my parents have ignored me when I have stated I am getting worse. I haven’t been to the dentist ever since I was a child. I live with disabling chronic pain and intense fatigue, and I don’t even have a diagnosis, since no one will take me to the doctor.

My sibling likely not going to graduate because my parents have not supported them at all with their mental health, education, or support them just in general. They live in total isolation alongside me. My parents are also the reason why I can’t get a job- they won’t teach me how to drive, and won’t provide transportation. I am physically trapped in my own house, and the only people who can drive refuse to take us anywhere. They also will not help clean the house, and they won’t help fix our dryer or washer, which are both broken. They won’t take our pets to the vet. They won’t spare any expenses for things that need to be done. They spend most of their money on alcohol. In my state, we are currently experiencing what one would call abuse and child neglect. This is one of the only times I have ever written, in detail, what my home life is like.

Our washer and dryer, both broken. We don’t have any flooring in that room. The other is part of our living room floor. I am the only person who cleans the house in any capacity, and when I do it never, ever stays clean. The dirt is from my dad alone. I need to cover doctor’s visits, medication, food for my sibling, and vet costs for my pets. I would also maybe like to have a little treat every once in a while. I can’t physically drive, but if I am able to get the money for it, I can force my parents to take care of things. Due to the, er, abuse, I am also isolated from the world at large and have no support system. All things described on my sibling have been happening to me for years, but I’m technically an adult now, so there’s little anyone can do for me. Things aren’t so great, but I think they can get better through blood sweat and tears. Which is why I have to step up and try to do all these things myself! A difficult task, but I want to make art into something I could do as a job. Please lord have mercy, I want to wash my clothes. I can even save up for a car, and teach myself how to drive, so I can finally reach independence. Without financial support, I can’t achieve that at all. I am very stressed about everything. I’m very isolated as a result of not being allowed to go anywhere. I don’t have anyone I can confidently trust with my home-life situation. I have no resources either, as I live in an area with very little support for adult victims of parental abuse. I’ve never made a plea like this before. I just want to be able to live and thrive and survive on my own, and I just can’t do it at this rate. If I can go to the doctor, I can get healthier, and undo all the years of medical neglect and actually hold a full-time job making coffee like I’d like. I’m afraid both me and my sibling will never get anywhere in life, and I don’t want that for them. I don’t want that for me. I want to finally start living. Thank you for reading, and getting to the end.

#pinned #commissions

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loveemagicpeace · 2 years

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Intense placements synastry💘🧚🏼‍♀️🦋

💗Houses that are the most intense in synastry are 1st, 7th, 8th house in my opinion. For and the other connections that I am describing seem to me to be strong, deep and intense. These are connections that are deep and beautiful but at the same time difficult.

🧚🏼‍♀️1st house - This is where the person will most notice your energy, your character, your personality in general, your appearance. And here the person will also find you attractive. The person here also finds you sexually attractive. This person's energy will be focused only on you.So the synastry here can make an intense and discrete energy between you. Which also means that a person's actions are seen externally. At the same time, the person can also be impulsive

💗7th house- It is the house opposite your ascendant. A part of you also shows here, but mostly relationships, marriages, romances are confirmed. This is where the person sees you as potential partner. But there is also the opposite of what you like, so here it can be intense and hostile or pleasant and healthy.

💘8th house- this one is deep & dark. This is where the person sees you as sexually attractive in a deeper way. A deeper relationship with the person and on a level of intimacy. Anger, jealousy, passion, intensity, secrets, hiddenness are felt here. Here, a person feels things that does not show outwardly. Here, more or less everything is covered but at the same time very attractive. Here you and the person can feel strong love and strong hatred at the same time. But it all comes together in an intense deep connection.

🧩Moon sex Mars-emotions are related to actions.The person feels seen and the partner notices your emotional needs.At the same time, emotions are very energetic and passionate.

🧁Venus sextile Mars- a strong romantic attraction between you two and you two instinctively know how to please and make one another happy sexually.

🔑Pluto sextile Mars- you are obsessed with this person. Both can be jealous and intense in love. They can also have impulsive reactions.I can also feel like you can't let this person out of your life. U two keep coming back to each other. Sexual and magnetic attraction.

🧸Venus sextile Pluto- strong love and deep as the ocean. Connection is an amazing and also an unforgettable love. This connection reminds me of song red hot chilli peppers- I Could Die For U.

🦋Venus in 8th house-Intense deep love is felt. The passion between two people is great. Dark-light love.You feel as if you are filled with love and that the love your partner gives you is only yours. Love is special and unique. Unforgettable.You feel as if you have fallen into deep ocean full of thoughts. You look at a person not only with your emotions but with your soul.

🧸Neptune in 1st house- It represents the illusion of love.A fantasy you create in your head. You can idealize a person and create a different idea about this person. But you always see them as dreamy, creative, mystical, compassionate.This person can give you fairy vibes. This position creates that people often feel each other's energy. Many times their energy is also directed into a dreamy state. I think the energy is stronger when neptune it is in both houses.

💙Pluto in 8th house -this represents a strong deep bond that is intense, passionate, dark, mysterious and also represents a deep transformation. Here, both person’s transformed through the relationship and become stronger.

🎸Mars in 8th house -mars here represents obsession with this person, it means that you want to be only with this person all the time. The two people have good intimacy and can be sexually addicted to each other.

-Rebekah🦋🧸🧚🏼‍♀️

#astrology #energy #zodiac signs #planets #my notes #astrology observations #astrological houses #birth chart #love

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miasmaghoul · 10 months

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HELLOOOO

okay so

I have an unusual question

I recently discovered my passion for writing, I've been inspired by a friend of mine and a bunch of blogs here on tumblr (including yours <3)

and now I'm trying to write smut for the first time and I feel like... embarrassed about it (?)

sooo, feel free to ignore but I wanted to ask: do you have any smut-writing-tip for rookies like me?

(forgive my poor english, pls)

First off, CONGRATULATIONS ON FINDING A NEW PASSION!!! That's a fantastic feeling. ♡

I know just what you mean about feeling wiggly about writing smut. I don't know a single writer who DIDN'T have this experience when they first wrote filth! There is a shockingly vast distance between having filthy ideas and actually typing them out. I assure you that this is perfectly normal!

Before I give my advice, please let me say that I am in no way a professional writer, so your mileage may vary here. This is what worked for my hypersexual ND brain back when I first started doing this at the tender age of [REDACTED]

My advice is this: start simple. (18+ under the cut)

Don't try to go all in during your first smut adventure - not everything needs to be an intense, intricate bondage scene featuring medieval torture equipment and a mustachioed man called Hamish. Choose something uncomplicated and more natural for your first time out - a max of two people, a simple act (i.e., a handjob) or acts (i.e., making out and mutual masturbation) and an easy to describe setting.

Next, don't worry about making it good in your first draft. Use that time to lay out the scene (x crawls into bed and y joins them, spooning up against their back) and setting up the bare bones of the events (y kisses x's shoulder and neck, reaches between their legs, uses their hand to get x off). Once you've done that, you can start describing things.

It's probably gonna one of two ways - clinical or over the top.

Clinical generally means that you're too literal and precise with your descriptions. For example:

Rain reached down and took Dew's cock in his hand. He stroked it from base to tip, over and over. He sped up once Dew started moaning and felt his own cock hardening as well. He worked Dew's cock until Dew came all over his hand and then grabbed his own cock to do the same.

See? Clinical. It gets the job done in terms of relaying information, but there's no emotion behind the words. No sound, no movement, no life. Things that I, personally, believe a sex scene needs in order to feel believable and real.

The opposite of this is the over the top sex scene. Think of this like watching really bad porn. The kind where people moan like they're about to cum when someone touches their arm, y'know what I mean? Tons of moaning and writhing and too much response to the slightest stimulation. Don't get me wrong, there's certainly a time and place for Dew jizzing himself over Rain licking his neck, but if your whole scene is set up like that it, I personally believe it becomes Too Much.

Ideally, I think, you want to strike a balance between these two things. You want to explain what's happening, but use language and descriptors that are more intimate and sensual. Which brings me to my third point - try to figure out the words and phrasing you're comfortable using before you really get into writing anything. If you don't like the way the words feel, don't use them! That alone can help make things easier to write. (As an example, outside of very specific circumstances, I hate using the word "pussy" and will avoid writing it!)

Perhaps my biggest tip is being very confident in your characters before you make 'em fuck. In my opinion. A bad/boring sex scene is one where the characters feel interchangeable. Think of it like this: a scene with Aether giving Swiss a blowjob should not be able to be read as a scene with Rain giving Dew a blowjob instead. It should feel unique, however you choose to make that happen.

Last bit of advice is probably the most obvious one: practice. Practice practice practice. Something sounds hot in your head? Write that shit down. Stick it in your notes app, even if it's just a few words. Practice by putting little scenes together in your head and then transcribing what's happening in them. Watch something erotic and think about how you would write that scene. Think of it like exposure therapy - the more you create smut, the less ashamed you'll be about it!

I will say it also helps to have a smut writer/enjoyer friend (or friends!) to bounce ideas off of, or to ask for advice. If you're planning to be active in the Ghost fandom, I can tell you that every single writer and artist I've interacted with here has been incredibly kind and welcoming. Don't be afraid to reach out!

This got so long lmao SORRYYYY

#miasma says #writing advice #i guess?

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rizzulusarcturizz · 15 days

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hi hi hi!!! ... need your thoughts on regulus today... and you seem so cool... <3 <3 <3 <3

hi bella!!! you seem extremely cool too and i'm always happy to talk about my favorite boy!!!

i am and always will be a trans reggie truther; walburga and orion wish they could think of a name as cunty as regulus arcturus. the first time he cut his hair short he told sirius he wanted to look just like him <3 sirius didn't realize at the time it was because regulus is trans but he was absolutely the first know and accept him. even when their relationship was at their worst he never misgendered or deadnamed him and would beat the shit out of transphobes

the sorting hat wanted to put regulus in hufflepuff because of his loyalty, hard-working nature, and dedication but regulus begged to be put in slytherin. after seeing what sirius went through for being placed in gryffindor he was terrified of what his parents would do if neither of their children were placed in slytherin.

he became seeker during his second year and was extremely nervous to be on a team of mostly older students. dorcas pretty much immediately became his friend so he could have someone on the team. once she got to know regulus and how snarky and funny he was they became very close friends. they're the only quidditch players in their friend group and are VERY intense about it.

autistic regulus!!! making friends can be difficult for him because he really struggles with social cues. he also has a tendency to avoid eye contact and genuinely doesn't enjoy general small talk. people tend to think it's because he's rude because of it and even when he gets older it's hard for him to mimic allistic social norms. the wizarding world doesn't really consider autism a thing and even sirius just describes his brother as being shy and standoffish but well-intentioned. remus clocks him as autistic after knowing him for like ten hours lmao

close friends with miss lily evans herself!!! they both relate over their parents preferring their older sibling and feeling like their older sibling is embarrassed by them. younger lily doesn't get along with the gryffindor girlies well because of her friendship with snape and disdain towards the marauders leaving her getting snubbed. regulus being straight to the point with her and not getting easily offended is a much needed change in the people she spends time with. regulus is also an extremely empathetic person and doesn't get easily overwhelmed by lily's loud anger and bitter frustration

eventually lily does mouth off to sirius and reveal that regulus worries he's a burden and embarrassment to sirius which leads to an extremely emotional conversation. sirius loves regulus exactly as he is and wants to protect him from their parents but he's not embarrassed by him at all. he just worries that the things that make regulus who he is, being trans and autistic, might put him in their parents line of fire

his very first relationship is with barty ofc and they experience most of their firsts together! eventually they decide they're better off as friends and have a very amicable split. barty ends up dating evan but remains super protective of regulus. evan isn't threatened at all and feels equally protective because they know how bad reg's home life is. they might not be able to protect him from walburga and orion but they can definitely beat the shit out of snape for calling regulus a freak!!!

obviously he's endgame with james!!! regulus has a crush on him first year but sirius and his friends are assholes to the slytherins so it gets less intense. the first time james hears regulus infodump on thestrals he thinks regulus is the smartest and most passionate person he's ever met. regulus also really sees through the "perfect son, student, and friend" mask james' puts on and encourages him to not prioitize making everyone else happy all the time over his own happiness and well-being. james isn't used to people seeing him so clearly and it's both intimidating and awe-inspiring.

remus and regulus both have wands of cypress and unicorn hair!!! they definitely crushed on each other at some point during their time at hogwarts and i'll accept no criticism on this take

regulus is only like 5'6 and skinny but he has a bit of an intimidating aura that makes him seem bigger!!! he's not one to start a fight by any means but he's got a quiet confidence about him. he knows he's extremely intelligent and skilled so why bother being modest about it?

#regulus black #asks #trans regulus

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qqueenofhades · 2 years

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I always saw Obi-Wan as an asexual kind of guy. Maybe that's because I'm old enough to remember when we only had the OT and he was already old. And dead for most of it. Anyway, part of why I love Star Wars is the emphasis on friendships and how strong and rewarding they can be without romantic feelings (although Han/Leia was my first ship). May we all have such people in our lives. All interpretations are valid of course and people love what they love, just wanted to share another point of view!

I mean, that's basically how I also envision him: my "Obi-Wan Kenobi as queer text" meta described my personal headcanon of him as biromantic asexual, and that's what the other post seemed to be hinting at in: re whatever they put in the book. After all, remember kids, ignore the exclusionists: asexuality is a full and complete queer identity on its own, and doesn't need other modifiers or qualifiers to be considered legitimate. So yeah. But as I said, he has radiated such intense bisexual sass disaster energy for the longest time, and I am frankly shocked that the Disney overlords allowed even a single sentence in a YA book that might hint at confirming this. To be honest, I don't care one way or another what the Mouse says about anything, particularly SW canon, since I reject what they have done with most of it. But hey. It's nice to have anyway.

As I also mentioned in the tags, Obi-Wan is a particularly formative character for me as a queer adult, since some of my first-ever forays into fandom, fic, and slash came as a result of reading TPM-era fics with him back in the dark days, with badly designed Web pages and SLASH!! content warnings. I imprinted on him as queer long before I knew what that was either for him or for me, and so I have a certain nostalgic perspective on it. (Also, nobody could read the Revenge of the Sith novelization in 2005, come out totally emotionally destroyed, and go, "yeah, Obi-Wan is totally straight." Even if I didn't, again, actually consciously realize this at the time.)

Likewise, Obi-Wan's appearance in the original trilogy has always fit the "celibate or asexual wise-old-mentor" stereotype, who exists mostly to guide the hero but doesn't have particular passions or motivations of his own. Then they cast Ewan McGregor as the younger version of him, and Ewan McGregor is likewise very attractive. But then in prequel-verse, all of Obi-Wan's most formative and important emotional relationships were with men (Qui-Gon, Bail Organa, etc) and then, of course, Anakin and the "it's a love story" Obi-Wan Kenobi series. So the more canon we got past just Alec Guinness, the more intensely Obi-Wan read as queer to me. The man cannot even sit straight (see his pose in the Council seat in ROTS), drops his cloaks with utter drama, sasses people, and is the utter opposite of toxic masculinity. He just has Big Queer Energy, in other words, and I felt it for a long time before I was able to properly name it in either him or myself.

Indeed, Obi-Wan would read pretty clearly as gay to me, except for the fact that they apparently added in some pseudo-girlfriend in the Clone Wars animated series and other assorted female interests in the expanded-universe books. Which, quite frankly, can't help but sound like "welp, this famous and beloved character is TOO queer-coded, better add in some comphet to tone that down." However, aside from my personal attachment to queer Obi-Wan, there's another aspect to it which I think is touching and important, and that is the fact that Luke is also often headcanoned as queer/gay/bi of some description (which Mark Hamill has enthusiastically supported). Considering that the original trilogy came out in the late '70s and early '80s, just as we were losing what should have been our entire generation of gay/queer ancestors to AIDS, I would find it very lovely if Luke, a queer man, was being mentored by Obi-Wan, his queer elder, in a way that we were so often denied the chance to have in reality. So yes. There are a lot of layers to it, in my view, and as I said, I don't care whether they bother to put one sentence in an EU book or not. The heart knows what it knows. Ahem. ;)

#anonymous #ask #obi wan kenobi #obi wan x anakin #sw meta

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pearlprincess02 · 2 years

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mikey's big 6

birthday: august 20

*i don't own any observations*

sun:

leo sun: they don’t dwell on past hurts. so they seem capable of functioning at tip top shape. they want to be a pillar for you. they won’t blabber about their past relationships. which is great, right? sun leos are more than eager to jump into the next romance with fresh, baby eyes. until you realise it’s because they need thrilling escapism… subconsciously holding on to past hurts which they think about either time to time or actually constantly at night. the thing with this is, they simply can’t figure out where they did wrong. was it me? was it the other person? who was hurt more? but my ego was bruised tons. and they’ll want their revenge. these petty assholes who think they’re infallible kings tsk tsk tsk…

sun in 9th house: people with the sun in the 9th house can be very bright, they are grateful for even the little things in life, and are extremely joyful and loving people! they love exploring new things, and can be very religious. these people may be attracted to foreigners, very full of life, and love teaching people things! they are very smart & can see the “bigger picture” they might like reading and love to hear other people’s thoughts on different topics! they also aren’t that “judgy.” sun in the 9th house individuals can be described as optimistic, open-minded, careless, humorous, energetic, blunt, passionate, adventurous, idealistic, and sophisticated.

moon:

leo moon: the friend that just enjoys being with you. who'd always check up on you regularly. big dreams and bigger eyes, passionate plans and the ability to pull through. the softest skin and most supportive energy. a natural entertainer that beams with every laugh they get. tight hugs and warm embraces. loud laughs and sunny smiles.

moon in 8th house: you feel deeply connected to your soul. you trust your intuition like a daughter trusts her mother. It feels like you’re drowning in your own depths. you hide your deepest feelings from the world. the thought of someone figuring you out may scare you. but you long for someone to swim in your oceans, in hopes that they will find your soul.

rising/ 1st house:

sagittarius rising: skater kid?? not necessarily but those are the vibes. just a light, playful energy. very carefree, and make others feel that way. they just make you feel so present, in the moment.

uranus in 1st: your primary energy is somewhat unpredictable and not very calculated, increasing the possibility of impulsiveness on the part of you. on the other hand, you can also have a more open view of how to deal with your individuality and identity by inserting a healthier energy into it. you tend not to chase identifications around the world because you are original and independent in the way you deal with your identity.

neptune in 1st: who am i? who am i meant to be? do i risk losing my sense of self by doing this? what will others think of me if i do this? what do i need to do to find myself? what if they don't like me? is it worth risking my self-identity for my dream? do i risk it all if it means i get to be myself?

mercury:

virgo mercury: person extremely cerebral with intense observation and critical thinking, notice first of all the smallest or insignificant details, you manage to make others see things differently, more logically and more lightly

mercury in 9th: mercury in the 9th house individuals are analytical, curious, and intellectually generous. you are particularly gifted with gathering information and imparting your knowledge on others. you’re adaptable and constantly want to be intellectually stimulated. you have a natural interest in philosophy, religion, and studying cultures different from your own. you may enjoy short trips, vacations, and learning from travel experiences. you’re hard to bore and can pull knowledge from your mind to ponder on. you enjoy understanding all of the pieces of the puzzle so that you can grasp the big picture. you’re always on the search for inspiration and want to use your knowledge to help others. you enjoy making contributions to existing ideas and learn quickly on your feet. you have a tendency to get your head stuck in the clouds because of the desire to expand your mind as much as possible. others see you as resilient, flexible, and open-minded.

venus:

leo venus: values their partners individuality, usually ends up with partners who are very much the total opposite to them. but it’s more so in a way their partner has their strengths that leo venus have a weakness on and vice versa. it’s all about the reciprocation of the person’s individuals knowledge about themselves, others & experiences. people with leo venus are the type to have a tug of war with their partners, so it could add stimulus in their relationship. but usually are the ones in control of the relationship, (control in a way, where they get their way most of the time). but are most susceptible to have a soft spot for their partners more than their partners themselves to them.

venus in 8th: “beauty is in the hidden” you are intrigued by the mystery. you like to uncover and understand the things that are taboo or secret. you’re easily bored with superficial people who prefers to talk only about surface level topics. you understand that there’s a lot of things hidden from you, so you want to dig deep and uncover them. you’re attracted to people who are hidden or taboo in some way. you may also be drawn to partners who are unattainable or who need saving in some way.

mars:

taurus mars: slow af, it takes them half a life time to actually get up on their feet and get to it, they be waiting, making sure its the right thing for them. once they go for it though, there is little anyone can do to stop them

mars in 5th: people who take the best out of life, they notice the beauty of life and want to live it the fullest. the huge heart they have allows them to be sentimental about such moments that bring significance to their life. very energetic, they possess that fiery ball within themselves, always so active and loud with their whole being. very exciting, their excitement excites their surroundings, people enjoy their company because it is fun, the little things mean something and you realize this just by hanging out with these people. the warmth and light they bring is infectious and you want more. but this much fire also brings us to competitiveness, their spirit is competitive and they are all about a challenge. they are very creative as well, which helps them climb to the top.

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄

mikey's masterlist

crd:

sun sun 2.

moon moon 2.

rising 1st house 1st house 2.

mercury mercury 2.

venus venus 2.

mars mars 2.

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funkymbtifiction · 1 year

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Heya, not sure if you remember me lol I'm the intj who submitted about their depression a couple of months ago. I've come back with some new things and a question. This might be kinda long lol

So first off, yes I am actually a core 3, not 5. Specifically sp/so 3w4, which makes a lot of sense. I've also read that sp 3s are countertype 3s, which might be why I didn't realize it sooner as 3s are often described as bold and go getting, proud and competitive and confidently express this. I am those things but just not so...loud about it lol. But the motivations and fears definitely resonate with me a lot more than 5.

sp3s care less about being seen, yes, than social 3s. They mostly are focused on being the best at their core interests and passions, and they can be workaholics who want to excel in their field.

As for my question, it is regarding gut type fix. I still dont know lmao. I know tritype is not a major thing to know, but i cant help but want to know lol. I just know I'm 35x....I'm thinking 8w9, 1w9, or 9w8...

I don't see the intense aggression and unrestricted anger of 8 in what you wrote, and you admit that you do not care about doing things 'right' or guilt-trip yourself about mistakes. You seem double-withdrawn (this might also explain why you aren't the "typical" "look at me" core 3 -- you have two fixes that want to go unnoticed, behind a core that wants to be seen and excel), so I think 9w8.

This in particular is very 9w8 gut-fixed:

theres no bad or good emotion, we cant control how we feel but we can control our reaction. Which i try to do... i know i am angry and let myself be mad internally as i dont want to give a reaction and keep my cool (likely due to me being a 3 right? Not wanting to seem overly dramatic). Although i sometimes wonder if my anger is too dramatic when i do show it lol. E.g the other day, i was very pissed off and expressed it to my close friends and one of my sisters. I even asked my friends if i was being over reactive lmao but they all understood my reaction to the situation. I generally try to be positive, but i was just so tired and irritated the whole week so when that situation occurred, i couldn't help but be mad..... I'm not really an argumentative person, i dont start conflict but I'm not rly scared of it either...if it happens, it happens. I just want to live my life in peace and quiet tho lol

#question #enneagram #9w8

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redxxstrings · 10 months

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🍉🥭🥑 for kaia and lilith (plus any others you really want to!)

!!!! AAA my girls!!! thank you!! ;w;

⸻ kaia

🍉 [WATERMELON] what will your oc take to the grave?

anything she heard during her parents' fights. as she was growing up, there was no shortage of them — and some of the things she heard during them (insults, accusations, etc.) have stuck with her ever since. she's not sure if her parents actually know she heard them (or understood them, depending on what age she was), but she doesn't dare bring it up, either to them or to anyone else.

🥭 [MANGO] what colours best represent them and why? does this differ from their favourites?

browns represent her best — both in the sense that brown is a generally muted and non-flashy color, but also because of its deeper meaning. kaia herself doesn't stand out very much, and the color is also associated with books and libraries, which — even if she's not reading as much or as frequently as charlotte — she does generally find comfort in and around. on top of that, brown represents comfort and security and being down-to-earth; one of the few things she prides herself on is being down-to-earth, and she's often been told that there's something very comforting and safe about her.

her favorite color is actually green, though! which isn't too far off from brown since they're both usually paired together anyway lol

🥑 [AVACADO] what will they never back down about, even if it makes them seem bad?

kaia doesn't get stubborn about many things — honestly, she usually prefers to just drop things the moment she's met with pushback, even if that usually ends with her being walked over or her feelings not taken into consideration. but the one thing she will get stubborn about is people's interests and being true to themselves. seeing people stifle themselves — hide parts of their personality; their interests; their likes — always bugs her, and she's always adamant that people should be wholly themselves, completely regardless of what someone else might think. she's very much the "i would rather be hated for who i am than pretend to be someone else" kind of person.

⸻ lilith

🍉 [WATERMELON] what will your oc take to the grave?

hm... i think that she wishes she had a normal family dynamic growing up — or, at the very least, that her dad was more present in her life after her mom died. she knows it's not something that can be changed — and that, if it did change, she'd be an entirely different person — but... every now and then, she'll see a whole, happy family in passing and she'll feel the tiniest bit of envy. the what ifs come and go more frequently than she'd like to admit; so, she simply never will.

🥭 [MANGO] what colours best represent them and why? does this differ from their favourites?

REDS FOR SURE. red represents passion and fire and intensity and those are exactly the words you would use to describe lilith. she doesn't shy away from anyone regardless of who they are; she speaks her mind and doesn't shy away from calling people out when they deserve it; and she doesn't bend to anyone. ever.

but also, in a less serious association: vampires. because she lowkey looks and dresses like one lmao

red is actually one of her favorite colors! so not technically. her all time favorite is black, to absolutely no one's surprise.

🥑 [AVACADO] what will they never back down about, even if it makes them seem bad?

lilith will defend the people she cares about until her absolute dying breath. she hates people who use their power over others to mistreat them more than anything, so if she ever sees / hears about someone treating one of her friends like that? hell truly hath no fury as her. she doesn't back down until said person either apologizes or until she feels she's done enough — which has... gotten her into some hot water every now and then.

she doesn't ever regret it, though.

#asks #sorry this took a little bit but !!!!!#thank you for the ask!! i love talking about them <3 #kaia #lilith #anamnesis

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softguarnere · 2 years

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hello dear! figured i’d send one of these ship requests in myself after seeing you do so many :) ♡

I’m 5’7”, with curly dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. I’m a very stubborn and sarcastic individual, but I like to be the voice of reason in my friend group when things get complicated. Because of this a lot of the people I’m friends with tend to go to be for advice because I’m a relatively blunt person who tells them what they need to hear. I’m essentially willing to try anything once and am pretty open-minded to new experiences. I’m creative and enjoy all means of creative expression but especially writing and music. I’m currently majoring in journalism. I’m very passionate about the things I do and I admittedly like to be the best at anything I get very invested in :)

Hi love! Absolutely off-topic, but I love the "war boy enjoyer" in your bio 😂 Definitely how I'm going to start describing my interests to people from now on

I ship you with . . .

Lewis Nixon!

Your sarcasm + his sarcasm = a comedic duo, a real force to be reckoned with. If anybody tests y'all, you're collectively dragging that person within an inch of their life while the rest of the company looks on in awe

Contrary to popular belief, you're not really that sarcastic with each other. And when you are, it's always in a joking way -- never with malice or for the sake of fighting

Because you're so blunt, Nix starts coming to you for advice during the war. (Even though some of the things that he tells you about are supposed to be top secret, so shhh 🤫 I won't tell if you won't 😏) At some point he realizes that he likes how you tell it like it is, and then immediately realizes that he likes you, and the rest is just history

Your stubbornness and reason pair really well with his recklessness and self-sabotage. You're one of the only people who can talk him off a ledge, and he trusts your judgement and learns to listen to it better the longer you're together

But at the same time, if he suggests some crazy idea for a date (or just to cause general mischief), he knows that you'll be right by his side. He admires how willing you are to try new things with him and go along with his mischief, but also how you can make sure that things don't get too out of control

He's also kind of competitive, though. And you're kind of competitive. Game nights get intense. Words have definitely been said. But at the end of the day, it's a just some game, and it's really admirable how you two can leave all the competition when you walk away from the game. (Even though he is convinced you cheat at certain card games, because there's no way that he's that bad at them, right? Right?)

If Nix is having a rough night, he really likes it if you sing to him or read to him. Something about your voice is just very calming to him, especially if you're reading or singing something that you wrote

He thinks that it is so cool that you study journalism! He saves all of your articles, and even though he is not a morning person by any means, he has woken up early before just to read your work when it comes out in the morning paper so he can be one of the firsts to read it

Lol he's kind of obsessed with the gossip columns? He would also try to convince you to tell him what big articles are coming out soon, because "I gotta have my finger on the pulse, babe!"

Thanks for the request! I hope you liked this 💕🕊️

#band of brothers ships #band of brothers x reader #lewis nixon #lewis nixon x reader #band of brothers #my writing

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therealpantsy · 1 year

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Yes I am Ophiuchus

So let’s humor the idea, just for funsies. Based on the sun’s movement through various constellations, it technically passes through Ophiuchus’ territory between approximately Nov. 29 and Dec. 17 each year. In tropical astrology (which is the basis for mainstream western astrology), people born during this timeframe are considered Sagittarians. However, if this elusive 13th zodiac sign were to be factored into the astrological equation, these people might be Ophiuchans instead.

If your zodiac sign were indeed to shift from Sagittarius to Ophiuchus, would that mean you’d have been living an astrological lie? Not necessarily — it’s presumed that Ophiuchus traits are likely similar to Sagittarius traits, as it’s nestled next to that sign’s constellation. “Ophiuchus is dynamic, powerful, funny, honest, and intellectual — all of the good parts of Sagittarius,” astrologer Lisa Stardust, author of The Astrology Deck, tells Bustle. “They also have a healing vibe that can help others grow.” Because this constellation is also situated next to watery Scorpio, it’s thought that if Ophiuchus were a sign, it may be influenced by some Scorpio-like qualities as well.

However, at this point, any assertions about Ophiuchus’ zodiac strengths are nothing more than imaginative theories — as this alleged new sign doesn’t have an element, modality, or ruling planet assigned to it, as all the other zodiac signs do. But for the sake of entertainment and curiosity, here’s a look at what could be considered the most positive Ophiuchus personality traits if this constellation were to actually become the 13th sign.

1. They Have A Strong Presence

Ophiuchus is represented with the symbol of the serpent or serpent-bearer, which paints a striking image that flirts on the brink of dangerous. However, that doesn’t mean that Ophiuchans would need to be feared — it simply implies that they’d have a strong and powerful presence that captivates people and grabs their attention.

2. They’re Passionate About Life

Both Scorpio and Sagittarius, Ophiuchus’ neighboring zodiac signs, are known for having lots of heart and passion — and this combination of intense emotion and free-spirited energy would make Ophiuchus one of the most passionate signs of the zodiac. These serpents would have strong feelings and opinions, and be zealous about chasing their dreams.

3. They Speak Their Minds

Speaking of having strong opinions, it’s likely that Ophiuchans would be very comfortable speaking their minds — no matter how controversial their thoughts on a matter may seem. Like Sagittarians and Scorpios, Ophiuchans are thought to value honesty, and they care deeply about being real with others. They wouldn’t want to hold back on sharing their theories with others.

4. They’re Natural Healers

The constellation of Ophiuchus is associated with Asclepius, the Greco-Roman god of medicine. According to myth, Asclepius was able to heal the sick and even bring people back from the dead — a talent that wound up having him banished to the stars by Hades himself. Because most astrological archetypes are build on mythology, it would be only natural to consider Asclepius’ healing energy as one of Ophiuchus’ zodiac qualities.

5. They Have A Sharp Sense Of Humor

Stardust describes Ophiuchans as being “funny, with a dry sense of humor,” and they’re generally believed to have a cunning and witty edge. Taking after their neighboring zodiac signs, Ophiuchans would likely be sarcastic and dry like a Scorpio, but also gregarious and comedy-loving like a Sagittarius. Either way, they’d know how to make people laugh.

6. They’re Philosophical

Like Sagittarians, it’s thought that Ophiuchans would be quite philosophical in the way they think. As Stardust notes, they’re both intellectual and dynamic — so they’d likely be eager to challenge their belief systems and think outside the usual box.

7. They’re In Touch With Spirituality

In the mythology behind Ophiuchus’ name, this serpent-handler was believed to be able to heal people through their dreams. That said, it’s likely that if Ophiuchus were a zodiac sign, they’d be naturally mystical people who are in touch with their spirituality. While they may not actually be able to cure people while they sleep, they may be drawn to life’s deep mysteries or good at interpreting other-worldly symbols.

8. They’re Highly Driven

Just as Scorpios are associated with scorpions, Ophiuchans are associated with snakes — and both of these predatory animals are symbols of power and stealth. That said, Ophiuchans are likely to be ambitious and driven when it comes to reaching their goals (much like Scorpios are). They’ll rarely give up and are willing to work for what they want.

9. They Thrive On Adventure

Some astrologers posit that Ophiuchans would likely be free-spirited adventurers who love to explore new ideas and try new things. This would make them exciting friends or partners who are good at finding the spice in life. Of course, these qualities are also typical among happy-go-lucky Sagittarians, so that would be one of many things the two signs have in common.

10. They’re Seductive

As the constellation associated with the symbol of the serpent-bearer, Ophiuchus would likely be one of the most seductive signs of the zodiac. Like a snake charmer, who is able to beguile even the most poisonous of reptiles and put them under their spell, Ophiuchans are able to use their mysterious allure to drawn people in and attract others like a magnet.

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pariahsparadise · 1 year

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heyy! congrats on 1k followers <3

could i get an 'aster' for harry potter pls? if you do marauders era ships i'd love that but golden is also fine x

my pronouns are she/her and i'm straight. i'm an enfp-t and a sagittarius with virgo moon & leo rising. i'm 5''3 with type 3a curly auburn hair, and blue eyes with a green tinge. i have a petite hourglass but i have hip dips lol.

i'm neurodivergent but i'm pretty good at masking - which means i'm constantly exhausted lmao. i would describe myself as witty, observant, fun, and genuine. i'm also hyper sensitive. i have been described as pretty intense before. if i was a colour i would be sage green or a mahogany. i have a big friend group but a small group of close friends who i trust with my life. i am open and trust pretty easily though.

i love 80s-90s music and fashion. i listen to queen and david bowie, and i love the arctic monkeys. i'm also into astrology, makeup, and physcology.

you sound like an amazing person omg

i ship you with: REMUS LUPIN

out of all the marauders, james gets to know you first, because the two of you end up being partners on a potions project

after you ace the assignment because of your joint (well, mostly your) efforts, james invites you to celebrate your success with his friends

remus gets flustered the second he sees you, he thinks you're gorgeous and ends up stammering his way through a slightly awkward conversation with you

james and sirius give him hell over it later

but fortunately, you find him endearing

remus is a really calm and observant person, so he'd probably be able to pick up on your neurodivergency despite your masking, though it might take him a while.

this leads to him being one of the few people you don't have to pretend around, he becomes a part of your group of close friends

he's also great at helping you feel better when you're exhausted

you had a shitty day? no worries, he's got a bunch of blankets and snacks he stole from the kitchens set up in the astronomy tower so you can unwind

remus would listen to your rants/rambles about things you're passionate about with genuine interest, asks follow up questions and all

and he'd actually remember the things you tell him and start using it in general conversation

for example, he learns that james is an aries and tells him that it makes sense that he got sorted into gryffindor

james and sirius are like ???

remus is very respectful and serious when he asks you out, he makes sure you know of his little furry problem (did i really just say that) beforehand, so you know what you're getting into

will definitely try to isolate himself from you for at least a week whenever the full moon comes around, he cannot live with even the idea of hurting you

but it's ok, because you'll end up finding him and showering him in lots of love and reassurance, just like he deserves :,)

#pariahs1k #pariahsasters #remus lupin x you #remus lupin #marauders

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put-me-in-a-movie-mp3 · 2 years

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Hi there!! Could I have a male Stranger Things ship & a male HP ship (either Marauders Era or Golden Trio Era) ship please? 🙋🏽‍♀️

I’m a fiery & compassionate INFP who always tries to be friendly & understanding bc I know what it’s like to be misjudged. I'm a double Capricorn + a Libra Rising so I come off as bubbly & social but I'm actually super introverted & usually end up retreating eventually to recharge.🫠

I'm a half-blood Slytherdor, an INFP, enneagram 6w5, & my Patronus is a swan bc although ppl seem to highly value my appearance, the depth of my love for my partner is what I'm most proud of & I can become fearsome if the ones I love are threatened. 🦢 I was probably a flower child in my past life lol ✌🏼

I have a very curvy hourglass figure & I love dressing to accentuate it, but people always underestimate me because of it. Friends say that I'm like the personification of the Subversive Bimbo trope (like Cher from “Clueless”, Elle from Legally Blonde, Daphne from Scooby Doo, Rachel from Animorphs etc) bc people see me & assume I'm a ditz but I'm actually very capable & use their underestimation to my advantage.

I'm warm & kind until given a reason not to be– then I’m a complete hellcat. My Fight Or Flight Response is always Fight lol so I can go from 0 to 100 real quick if it's on behalf of someone or smth I care about, but I also know when it’s smartest to just let it go & get them back for it later.

I’m a major caffeine addict & I pretty much live on iced coffee. I'm also a complete night owl w/ a very snarky sense of humor as my primary defense mechanism. I love animals, singing, listening to music of all kinds, watching psychology/true crime documentaries, musical theatre, astrology, sex (I'm kind of a nymphomaniac 💀), literature (especially Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet. I'm a hopeless romantic 🥰), PDA, pretty aesthetics, getting my nails done, cuddles, iced coffee, & romance.

I’m sweet but known to have a bit of a wild streak: I desperately want a break from the monotony of everyday life & I crave adventure, romance, & new experiences. I want that Bonnie & Clyde, Romeo & Juliet, ride or die love. 🥰 I'm generally a very intense/sensitive person, very all or nothing lol. Life isn't worth living without passion imo. I daydream about getting married & having a family w/ the love of my life, a house full of pets, a life full of romantic adventures, the whole 9 yards.

I’ve survived several abusive relationships– which unfortunately left me with severe PTSD– but despite being more guarded, I still look for the good in people, no matter what. A lot of guys have superficial interest in me for the way I look but I want a true, fairytale love. When I love smth or someone, I let it consume me. I am wholly dedicated to that person & would go to the end of the Earth & back for them.

I’ve been told I have a gentle, healing aura & a very intuitive, even empathic nature. Because of this, animals of all kinds just seem to gravitate towards me; my friends call it "the Disney Princess Effect" 🙈 People seem to just open up to me for some reason, & I to them– I'm pretty much an open book. I find it's easier to be upfront than to bother with secrets. I can sometimes be too honest but I try my best to remain at least somewhat tactful lol; easier to catch flies with honey, after all.

My personal style is best described as very feminine pastel grunge (tank tops w/ pastel flannels; ripped high-waisted shorts & skinny jeans; floral prints; lots of pinks & blues; figure-hugging dresses & tops; natural, sparkly eyeshadow w/ winged eyeliner; Converse, boots, or heels).

Sorry for writing you a book! 🙈

Thank you so much in advance!! 💖

Here you go! :)

Stranger Things

Billy Hargrove

I automatically knew you would be the best for Billy when you said you wanted that "Bonnie and Clyde" love! I feel like he is extremely misunderstood and he as a lot of trauma that he has gone through, but I feel like you would help him get through it. I think that you would be able to help him and make him a better person. You would bring out the good in him that no one else sees. You would first meet Billy when he is driving around. It was late at night and you were walking home from a party. You saw Billy coming down the road in his blue camaro and he started slowing down when he saw you. He picked you up and you guys just started talking. You were hesitant to take a ride from him but Billy looked really bad. You ended up finding out about his abusive father and that's when you started to understand and see the real Billy and what was underneath his fake facade.

Harry Potter

Golden Trio

Tom Riddle

I ship you with Tom because I feel like he would give that ride or die love that you want. He is has a really troublesome past and he isn't the best person, but I think you would see how he is just lost and needs someone to love him. He had been so deprived of love that he has none and I think you could give him that. You knew Tom when you had classes together and you found him quite interesting. He was always in the library and stayed later after class to talk to his professors about more questions he'd have after the lessons. You became friends when you saw him in the library when he was looking in the restricted book section. You started talking then and it became very intimate. You would stay up late at night out of the corridors ad common room to talk to each other. You ended up finding a lot about him that nobody else knew. Then you guys started secretly dating!

#harry potter #love #imagine #x reader #ship requests #ships #steve harrington #stranger things #strangerthingsimagine #harry james potter #harry potter imagine

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naturecpw · 1 year

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Happiness: Is Feeling Content More Important Than Purpose and Goals?

There are many ways to be happy, but we can also find comfort in the knowledge that our constant dissatisfaction is what makes us human.

The Conversation Rafael Euba

Don’t worry, be happy.

There is much written about finding one’s life purpose and reaching self actualisation, but do we really need to have one? My partner is happy pottering around the house with his family around him, watching TV, reading the news, working in his unskilled job without responsibility, supporting his football team. Meanwhile, I am frustratingly “growing and developing”, learning, wondering what it is all about – yet without much actually changing in my life. Are drifting and feeling contented in life more important than having a “life purpose” and goals? —Brenda, Blackpool

Questions about happiness, purpose and goals remind me of Don Quixote, the dreaming knight in Cervantes’ novel of the same name, and Sancho Panza, his earthy page. Indeed, literature often contains characters and themes that reflect telling universal truths about human existence, experience – and psychology.

As the novel progresses, we realise that both characters are equally sophisticated intellectually. But while Don Quixote’s goals are utopian, romantic and clearly unobtainable, Sancho is satisfied with feeling safe and eating bread and cheese – accompanied by a little wine, of course – after each of their frustrated misadventures.

I’m a psychiatrist and research on personality shows that a more open and inquisitive personality will always want to seek new experiences and sensations. This is more exciting, but also less comfortable, than rejecting what feels strange or unfamiliar.

Don Quixote’s sensation-seeking and restless personality, as well as his lofty ideals, are the drivers of his misguided adventures. Unable to find excitement in the comfortable but mundane daily life of a landed country gentleman, he sets out to right all the wrongs in the world in the most chivalrous and valiant manner he can imagine. His ambitious goals are unobtainable, though, and so he remains chronically dissatisfied.

In contrast, Sancho’s goals (cheese and wine) are simple, and they are also reliable and immediately achievable. Sancho will inevitably have some difficult emotions, like every other human, that will prevent him from being consistently happy. But he will be less inclined to express his occasional periods of distress in complex existential terms – and they are unlikely to nag and torture him in the same way.

On one level, then, Sancho’s personality seems better suited than Don Quixote’s for achieving a satisfactory level of psychological wellbeing. But we need to consider the fact that Quixote’s tortured loftiness will also afford him occasional moments of ecstasy that Sancho will never experience. Quixote will sample all the many wondrous highs – and lows – of existence.

Choleric Quixote

Quixote has a type of personality that Galen, the Greek physician of classical times, would have labelled as “choleric”: passionate, charismatic, impulsive and sensation seeking. He also has an extremely rich, but equally unstable, inner life, which produces copious amounts of fantasy and emotion.

Soon after the second world war, a London-based psychologist called Hans Eysenck developed another personality theory that included the dimensions of extroversion and neuroticism. Quixote is high in extroversion (he engages constantly with the external world) and high in neuroticism (his emotional life is unstable and intense), a combination that would be the equivalent of Galen’s choleric personality.

Sancho is, of course, the exact opposite. He could be described as “phlegmatic” in Galen’s classification: he is generally introverted, and being perfectly steady in emotional terms, he would certainly score very low on neuroticism. He does not view the world through the filter of a rich but volatile inner life, and instead sees ordinary windmills where Quixote sees formidable giants.

Don Quixote and Sancho Panza. Photo from Shutterstock.

Personality types have been found to be predictors of psychological wellbeing in a way that could be considered relatively intuitive. Essentially, there is a positive correlation between happiness and extroversion and a negative one between happiness and neuroticism. Quixote is more neurotic than Sancho, but he is also more extroverted. The two will find and experience moments of happiness in different ways.

On one level, what we need to be happy is a stable (low neuroticism) and outgoing (extrovert) character. But that’s not the whole story. Those of us who see ourselves as a little more neurotic than we would ideally like – and perhaps not quite as sociable as some others – can find comfort in the knowledge that a busy and lively inner life, coupled with an inquisitive nature, can be associated with certain types of creativity.

The idea of happiness as a state of placidity and serenity, facilitated by a stable and untroubled psychological makeup, is persuasive. But it ignores perhaps the upper and more intense limits of human experience – and these have a power all their own. Cervantes novel, after all, is called “Don Quixote”, not “Sancho Panza”.

Self-Actualisation

You also mention “self-actualisation” in your question. When Abraham Maslow, the celebrated American psychologist, placed self-actualisation at the top of his hierarchy of human needs, he thought of it as a positive drive for developing one’s personal potential. Your own personal potential, Brenda, will be different to that of your partner.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Credit: Factoryjoe via Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA.

Maslow thought that more basic needs had to be satisfied before moving up to the next level – water and food before safety, then love, self-esteem and only then self-actualisation. But subsequent research shows that humans don’t always do this in the anticipated order and that satisfying different levels of need either simultaneously, or in the “wrong order”, doesn’t seem to affect wellbeing significantly. This explains how those living in poor countries can also satisfy their psychological needs even when the fulfilment of more basic needs is uncertain.

In any case, having a set of needs – hierarchical or not – inevitably puts us in a needy position, and the relationship between striving to better ourselves and happiness is not a simple one. Maslow himself struggled in his personal life with issues such as racism (he was Jewish) and an awful relationship with his mother, whom he hated.

Pain and Pleasure

Research shows that factors such as poverty, pain and loneliness make us unhappy, and it is equally clear that pleasures of any kind contribute towards our sense of wellbeing.

The 19th-century British thinker John Stuart Mill postulated in simple terms that happiness is “intended pleasure, and the absence of pain” while unhappiness is “pain, and the privation of pleasure”.

Like Maslow and his hierarchy of needs, Mill also saw a similar hierarchy in pleasure, with the physiological at the bottom and the spiritual at the top. He also advised against too much introspection in matters of happiness, saying:

Ask yourself if you are happy and you cease to be so.

I suspect you ask yourself this question at times, Brenda. And even though Mill saw happiness as being predicated by pleasure and pain, he also hinted that being human, with all that this implies, may bring a dissatisfaction that would be preferable to mere contentment.

Don Quixote is a dissatisfied man and his ambitions to achieve his glorious goals are always frustrated. He has, however, certain characteristics that have been found to be associated with happiness: an optimistic attributional style and an internal “locus” (place) of control.

The key to happiness? Photo from Shutterstock.

Don Quixote’s “internal locus of control” means that he feels in control of his destiny (despite all the evidence to the contrary). Control resides within him. His “optimistic attributional style”, meanwhile, refers to the fact that he always ascribes his failures to transient external forces, rather than to permanent internal issues.

Sancho, on the other hand, has a reactive attitude to life. He doesn’t have any fantasies about being in control of his destiny, which he believes is in the lap of the gods. “The lucky man has nothing to worry about,” he says.

So, in this respect at least, Don Quixote, driving his own fortune and making his own luck, is probably happier in his quest, however frustrating, than Sancho is in his passive contentment.

Contentment Versus Happiness

The difference between contentment and happiness, or to be more precise, the incompatibility that exists between a state of permanent contentment and being human, has also been explored in modern novels, written centuries after Miguel de Cervantes’ Don Quixote, such as The Time Machine by HG Wells or Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

Some of the characters in these future dystopias, where pain and suffering have been eradicated, are perfectly placid, even content. But their insipid pseudo-happiness, devoid of choice or intense emotion, is less desirable than our own imperfect emotional tribulations – at least according to the authors.

Indeed, our ability to feel happy is affected by a variety of personality factors and temperamental attitudes, not by just one single dimension of placidity versus psychological restlessness, or even optimism versus pessimism.

But does it matter anyway? Whether we are “half-empty” or “half-full” personalities, none of us is designed to be happy – only, ultimately, to survive and reproduce. Consequently, we will all battle with frequent unpleasant emotions, whatever our temperament.

It is good, Brenda, that you haven’t given up your efforts to grow as a person and that you remain hungry for knowledge. Even if I told you that there is a better strategy for happiness, that you should be content with watching television and little else, I am pretty certain you wouldn’t want that.

You need to continue being who you are, even if being who you are doesn’t transport you to a state of sustained and uninterrupted psychological bliss. Our nature is to chase the teasing and elusive butterfly of happiness, not always to capture it. Happiness can’t be bottled and bought and sold.

It can, however, be a journey – and this never-ending quest includes you, Brenda, as well as your partner. And perhaps we can all find comfort in the knowledge that our nagging dissatisfaction is a key part of what makes us human.

Rafael Euba is a Consultant and Senior Lecturer in Old Age Psychiatry at King's College London.