Date a demisexual person who has way too many squishmallows on their bed

Shoto, nervously: Dad, I’m bisexual.

Enji, casually: Yeah, me too.

Shoto: You’ve never mentioned that????

Enji: It didn’t come up???

it kind of sucks when all your friends and family, everyone you know, are all pairing off and getting married and havinf families, except you. you're the only one that doesn't have a partner and probably can/will never get one. especially if one around you has time for you anymore, they never reach out, never get back to you, because they're only focused on their partners and families. you're stuck alone and drift away from everyone through no fault of your own. you have no hope of finding your own partner or no motivation to look for one for whatever reason. the lack of connections while seeing everyone around you having their own can get overwhelmingly lonely at times....

...

Here’s to me finally ending my 4 years of denial for being polyam

yesterday's comphet awards made me think about how i've known for like 10 years that i'm more into women than men, so this isn't the same but either case i clearly needed to write this down so:

i'm 31, almost 32 now, and i've never had a relationship or anything that comes with that. i'm queer, and i live in one of the safest countries for people like us. but i don't know how gay girls find each other. when i finally worked up the courage to try dating apps shortly before the pandemic hit i only had girls as an option because guys felt too scary. i've tried several times. but living in sweden clearly doesn't mean it's easy anyway, at least not when it's in the north because there are so few i keep swiping through everyone until there's no more available. and then you barely match with anyone, and when you do no one speaks first, and when you do talk she stops responding... and the few dates i have been on didn't lead anywhere, because of course it takes time to find the right one, and being on the ace spectrum is so confusing because i don't know if i just need to give it more time but i guess if we don't even bond as friends it's probably not going to change later either...

anyway, so frustration has twice made me add men on tinder as well. because maybe i just need to give them a chance too right? and there are sooo many, so many, jesus, with only girls i had like... "5 people liked you" and within minutes of having guys too there were 99+

so i swipe and i try I TRY ALRIGHT but. men. are so. so uninteresting. i feel nothing. but i don't feel super much about random women either, sure women are generally prettier, it's much easier for me to think a woman is hot than a man, but still, maybe it's the demi thing, maybe i would feel more with time, i have had feelings for guys before so??? (and some specific fictional men are so fine, so maybe, right??)

yeah so. this year (after several overwhelming chats with different guys and one awkward date with one i definitely didn't want to meet again) i ended up forcing myself to date a guy the entire summer. he was nice, and also inexperienced and slow, and he knew i was unsure but i still felt like such an asshole. because in truth i wanted to go home whenever we met. i cried before and after. but i didn't know if it was because i was scared in general because everything was new and i have shit self-esteem and being demi is so difficult when i want so much and i was so worried i'd end it too soon and lose the chance i had + depression and anxiety flared up so bad because of all this so like. everything was shit.

like, in hindsight it's so obvious it wasn't right. it made me spiral deeper into depression again. but i can't really regret it either because maybe i needed this to realize some things, and now at least i've done more than 2 dates with the same person, i've talked with someone about (lack of) experience and how we feel, i've had someone interested in me who wanted more if i'd wanted it too. i've felt excited at the possibility of being kissed, even asked for it finally just to know, and yeah it was just a small peck and it was boring and barely counts tbh but it was something and now i've done that. and i've also had the very weird experience of a guy sitting close with his arm around me and gently brushing his fingers over my arm, and asking if the closeness turned me on... and while it was okay and nice, like he wasn't creepy or anything, i still felt nothing. so while well aware that yeah he was definitely feeling things, i truthfully said "no". which was probably an important experience to have also, to have done that, and to have met a guy who didn't make me feel unsafe about or because of it. because that's another thing, thinking that maybe my hesitations about men was only a fear of ending up with a bad one. and maybe that still plays a part, but also.... god i'm so clearly more gay than bi.

and i think i really did know that already, yet i did all of this anyway, forced myself to try. because finding a girlfriend had proven so fucking difficult, maybe i simply did have to be less picky and more open about men also.

idk how to end this, i don't have a well-thought-out point to make, and i dunno if anyone will even read all this but i'll post it for myself anyway. and just in case someone who ends up reading it feels similar, maybe you're in your 20s or later and feel like everyone else gets to experience romance and sex while you're left behind... well. maybe it doesn't help, but you're not alone. and i'm not alone either, even though it feels like it. just wanted to say that <3

also next time i get tinder im back to only girls.

I’ve finished my bi book and have moved on to one about asexuality. I keep having to take breaks and breathe 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

Personal rambling under the cut.

I’ve said it before but despite a rocky start, I love being bi and am proud to be part of the community. But my demisexuality… I struggle with it. A lot. Not understanding that part of myself (along with undiagnosed/untreated depression and ptsd - plus my ex’s baggage) cost me the only long-term relationship I’ve ever had. I can’t help but feel like it makes it harder for me to find a new partner, and connect with potential partners.

It’s so rare for me to crush on/fall for anyone and when I do, I fall hard. It also takes me a long time to get back up. I’m proud of the handful of times I’ve told people I’m into them/asked people out on a date for the last few years, but goddamn it, I am so tired. I just want to find my person - and for them to want me, too.

random vent(?) in the tags, feel free to ignore i just have a lot of pent up emotions to get out today apparently

are u dating Applestruda?

@applestruda sigh do you want to handle this one

I don't talk about this stuff on here pretty much at all, but a past relationship really broke a ton of bits and pieces of my brain and heart in weird ways (I'm finally thinking about him almost never but the shit he pulled was abusive as hell and still affects me sometimes). Being in love with my current girlfriends for a while felt almost. Painful? Almost like I should be ashamed I can fall so deeply in love with people, and especially how quickly that can happen sometimes too. Thats how it kind of felt. I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions if I'm feeling them very strongly, and that has been extremely embarrassing and also felt almost like I was being a burden to those I love (which love is the main emotion that can 'get dialed up to 11' for me). It IS debilitating in some ways!!! It hasn't gotten bad enough I've been nonverbal in a really really long time but that happened this past week and it was wild to me.

Things are getting better now though! Therapy in the past has helped, and honestly having such patient and understanding partners has made a world of difference ;w;. my wife is someone who was one of my best friends and I had a huge crush on and now I can ask for cuddles and we can nap together and I've fallen so much in love. Her and her presence are literally heaven for me, I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than just laying next to her and feeling her warmth.

Worries of course flare up and I feel like I need to lean on her a lot during those moments, but I don't feel like too much of a burden to her. I love seeing the posts that say stuff like 'Its okay to be a burden' or 'its okay to be annoying' because really truly I think I need to be those things to survive sometimes. I can be 'a lot' and I can be a little bit obsessive and those things aren't inherently bad or evil of me. I just make sure I'm feeling okay during and after and make sure I'm checking in on myself often. I'm a bit of a broken girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely happy and living a life I love. I've written poems and everything about how it feels like it must hurt to love me and my broken jagged edges, but hey, even if it does a little bit, it doesn't mean someone like my girlfriend/wife won't go through a little bit of burden to love me, and I'm more than happy to return all of this and more for her as well if she's ever in need or feels broken ;^;

My small, innocent dream is to have that special someone I can hold hands with, that we could intertwine our fingers.

I love this phase when I'm so lovesick it hurts 🥲

Date a demisexual person who has trouble finishing things

demisexual/demiromantic seth is canon bc im demiromantic and i said so

on that note how would i even date if i did find anyone willing to go on a date

“However… I do like to imagine him going thru a string of bad breakups in his early 20s, but only because I think the angst tastes good and because it makes him EXTRA sure about being with you.”

See I love this but I also love the idea of demi Bakugou experiencing his first everything with you. I don’t know which I like more. 😅

Though I do appreciate the aspects of the first. It would make sense; he’d have no issues finding someone wanting to date him. And I do believe sincerely that he longs for that ‘person,’ someone who loves him and has his back no matter what. And all his friends are pairing off, getting married, having babies, etc. He’s very apprehensive, but he gives dating a shot.

And it just keeps not working out. One after the other. I could see him giving up, staying single for several years. By the time you come around, he’s become so jaded about the entire thing. That longing within him has never stopped, but he’s believed for a long time that it’s just a stupid ass fairytale he’s concocted in his head and it will never become a reality. Throws himself even more into his hero work than before. Hates how empty it makes him feel, no matter how hard he works, how hard he tries. It fails to fill that void within him.

And then we finally enter the picture and man’s is hella shook. 😁 (I am also electing to ignore the latest manga events. Nope. Nope. Nope.)

Obviously there are a bunch of different ways this could all go down. I love exploring the possibilities!

(Editing this to ask if you got my message? That for some reason I can’t see any of your replies to my posts or message you??? I’M CONFUSED, BESTIE!!!)

Gonna hyperventilate over this tbh, AS THAT'S LITERALLY EXACTLY HOW I IMAGINE IT!!!

Here's this guy named Bakugo... who could have anybody he wanted, not because people like him... but because they like that he's handsome, somewhat of a celebrity, and rich; and because he wants love, or at least... isn't against it, he gives it a shot... only to be shot down time and time again because, as it turns out (/s), his cold exterior... doesn't just go away like magic when he's offered pwuss.

(I like playing on the trope of "rough guy only soft for his lover..." as I think the public probably thinks his attitude is kind of a joke, that he just puts up a front to hide his soft side, boo hoo, and when you get to know him, he's instantly nice.

We all know that isn't the case, though.)

I talk a lot about that all the time, though, and don't want to repeat everything you already said, but... you could probably even combine that idea w/ the demi headcanon too, cuz you don't have to rule out one to have the other, you know? Bakugo who knows/thinks he can love and longs for it... but keeps getting into all these relationships that just don't work out...

...that he wonders WHAT he's doing wrong. He keeps trying and trying to love all these people but never feels like he really... falls for any of them, nor thinks he's even all that attracted to any of them beyond... certain aesthetics.

(Maybe he even tells them he needs time and it’s just not taken seriously…)

And they get mad at him ofc, for starting, or agreeing, to something he never really follows through with... and then just being his usual self (which means kind of a jerk). But it's not like he's not equally as confused or frustrated by it all; worn down by being told he was lying or not going fast enough or even that he's "different" than they expected... which is how + why he probably ends up being okay with dumping someone or being dumped, and then later, giving up entirely.

It's only when you come around and just... be his friend, let him take his time, explore the natural course of your relationship... that he finally realizes what was going on. He better than anyone knows you can't light a fuse that isn't there, but it's sometimes possible to make one. And then he falls. Falls hard. Falls forever.

Just took that extra bit of time no one else was willing to give him (and you being you, ofc) cuz they were too busy thinking he was a jerk (which... no shit, Sherlock). Then he never leaves you.

Just like how someone who is bisexual can choose to date someone of the opposite sex, someone who is polyamorous can choose to only date one person.

So yeah, this is my way of finally coming out as polyamorous.

And don’t worry Maya, I am yours and only yours. ( @musiccats2010 )