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#cw: major character death (implied)

megahertzmaroon · 12 days

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Fool’s Paradise /// Loop

Special thanks two my friends Carol (cowsaresushi) and hatch for helping out with this comic!

Here’s the song that partially inspired the thing.

#art #ultrakill #gabriel ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #gabv1el #implied lowkey #cw blood #major character death #time loop lmfao #Spotify

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meruz · 5 months

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i watched kore-eda's recent film Monster this past week and i truly.. cannot stop thinking about it. maybe my favorite kore-eda film yet

#the subject matter is also just very My Shit so im.. im so biased #monster 2023 #meruzart #i want to encourage ppl to watch this but also cw for child abuse and implied major character death lots of thriller type stuff...#be wary if ur sensitive to stuff like that

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ominouspuff · 1 month

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GUT. PUNCHER. PLEASE. Ö

(also I see the Plo Coon WIP and I’m in the microwave)

In an instant CC-2224 sees the blue on the other clone and recognizes his enemy — knows it is CT-7567 and knows the name he took and the color of his hair.

All that is in him that is screaming — was (always?) screaming — quietens. His finger does not depress upon the trigger. His hand does not twitch towards the backup blaster on his hip.

An instant, a moment, a breath, and a single thought—

I’m no soldier.

CT-7567’s finger is as quick as he knew it would be. Between one moment and the next, Cody is free.

———

Re: Plo Coon — huehue, yess get microwaved (affectionate) (I’m very excited to show you)

#fan art #artists on tumblr #star wars: the clone wars #commander cody #captain rex #The opposite of a fix-it AU #wip tag game #OmPu Ask Hours #*slaps scene* This baby can fit so much melodrama into it #But also I do every now and then like to consider taking canon seriously in the rare points where it can bear the weight #And frankly if Cody does somehow throw off the effects of the chip IN CANON I will be frustrated because it will feel like retcon fanservic #CW: Major Character Death (implied)#CW: Guns #CW: Death #CW: Unhappy Ending (ish)#wip art

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ali-kitkat · 7 months

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i did it y'all!! here's that little one shot i promised. it's also cross posted on ao3 here

And If I Only Could I'd Make A Deal With God

Marinette was in Damian’s apartment, sorting through his personal belongings. His family had insisted that she do it, to see if there was anything she wanted to keep. To remember him by, they said. It was a daunting task, one she barely felt up to but she still accepted nonetheless.

She was going through the motions as she filled box after box. She barely looked at his things as she packed them away, not wanting to let herself break down as his family was sitting right outside in the living room of the apartment.

It was as she began sorting through his clothing that she found it. A dark forest green sweater, it was soft to the touch, well made and well loved. She remembered the first time she’d seen that sweater, the first time she borrowed it. Damian was notorious for never letting anyone borrow any of his things.

It was the middle of December, they were walking back to Damian’s apartment after another one of their dates, when it had started to rain. The rain itself was chilling and unexpected and by the time they arrived they were both soaked head to toe.

Damian had ushered her in, running to grab some towels to dry off the excess water that was dripping off both of them. He had steered her towards a bathroom, instructing her to shower before she caught a cold. She had protested in the beginning, stating that since it was his apartment that he should shower first and that she also didn’t have anything to change into either.

He had remedied the lack of clothing quickly, darting out of the bathroom and returning with a small bundle of clothing and reassuring her that he wasn’t nearly as cold as she was. She tried to argue that she wasn’t that cold but given the fact that she was still shivering he clearly didn’t believe her and promptly left the bathroom, closing the door behind him with a click.

The hot water was a blessing compared to the coldness that had seeped into her bones. She finished her shower, already spending more than enough time under the water. When she emerged Damian was in the kitchen, stirring a pot atop the stove. He was dressed in a dark forest green sweater and black sweatpants, looking much warmer than she felt, even with the help of a hot shower.

It must have been obvious that she was still cold because Damian had taken off his sweater, leaving him in just a tank top, and pulled it over her head. The sweater itself was large on her. Her arms barely fit three quarters of the sleeves while the rest hung off her frame in a similar style as some of her dresses, ending right before the knees. The sweater was warm and her shivering lessened.

Truth be told, it was Damian’s actions that warmed her rather than the sweater, though the sweater itself was a plus. She could feel her face heat up and Damian simply smiled at her, as if he were aware of his affect on her. She had murmured her thanks before hiding her face in her hands and he let out a small chuckle.

Damian directed her towards the sofa, which was laden with pillows and blankets. Some looked out of place as if he had rushed out and bought them recently. She smiled at the thought, it had been mentioned in a previous conversation they had, more of an offhand comment than an actual discussion. The care he put into paying attention to her words was almost enough to make her cry. No one had ever listened like that to her before, but Damian clearly had and put effort into making his space more open to her was almost like a confession.

Damian circled around the sofa with two mugs in hand, one of them adorned with whipped cream and sprinkles. Another tally in his favor as he clearly took note of how she preferred her hot chocolate. He had handed her the mugs and settled down next to her, collecting his mug from her afterwards. They had picked a movie out to watch something light hearted but still bearable to watch.

They had laid down on the sofa after the movie finished. Marinette curled up against Damian and several blankets piled on top of them. The warmth surrounding her combined with Damian’s hands in her hair were lulling her to sleep. She was still awake when she heard him whisper in her ear, ‘I love you’

It was the first time Damian had not only said it to her but also had shown her that he did indeed love her.

“I miss you, Damian,” Marinette croaked as her knees buckled and she collapsed. Loud ugly sobs wrenched their way out of her throat. She curled up around the sweater on the floor grieving the man she loved.

#daminette #maribat #damian x marinette #maridami #mlb/dc crossover #ali-kitkat's writing #ali-kitkat writes #cw major character death #cw grieving #cw mourning #its more implied character death but still tagging it as major character death

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cinnamontoastcrunch-15 · 1 year

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Today’s @wolfstarmicrofic prompt is graceful and it’s my apology for disappearing… but sad.

As Remus’ hands were bound, tightly and painfully, behind his back, a wand pressed to his neck, laughs ringing in that gleefully malicious way that only the Deatheaters could really create, Remus couldn’t help but think about Sirius.

The way he walked into the kitchen that morning, kissing Remus absentmindedly, all graceful and perfect even as he almost dropped the full, boiled kettle in his tired haze. His calm words.

“See you later, darling.”

The complete trust that Remus would be back, would keep himself safe, because how couldn’t he? They weren’t meant to be this. They existed outside the war, the pain, the mourning, everything. Remus was meant to go back.

He shut his eyes and willed everything in him for Sirius to hear him.

I’m so sorry, love. I meant to come back, I truly did. I love you, I love you, I love-

(146 words.)

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sotvtaughtmehowtofeel · 4 months

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Febuwhump Day 1: Helpless

Fandom: Prospect (2018)

Relationship: Cee and Ezra

WC: 447

Summary: Cee and Ezra fight for their lives on a spaceship.

#febuwhump #febuwhump2024 #febuwhumpday1 #tw: gun violence #tw: knife violence #cw: major character death (implied)#tw: choking/strangulation

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atherix · 11 months

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Chapters: 16/? Fandom: Hermitcraft SMP, 3rd Life | Last Life SMP Series Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: mumscarian, Scott/Jimmy Characters: Grian, Mumbo Jumbo, Scar (hermitcraft), Jimmy Solidarity - Character, scott smajor Additional Tags: Vampire Mumbo, Elf Scar, Watcher Grian, watcher jimmy, switch between perspectives fic, Flashback fic, at least half of it is flashback anyway Series: Part 24 of Midnight Summary:

Scar and Mumbo are off to the Twilight Wood to get enchanted oak for Scar's new staff. Meanwhile, Grian goes looking for answers.

#Midnight Series #Update #Chapter 15 and 16 #:)#CW for 15: mentioned ableism and implied abuse/neglect #CW for 16: past major character death and existential crisis stuff

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tontonguetonks · 2 years

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Cw: implied suicide pact/mcd, panic attack (aftermath)

Your Life Is Mine

"Please," I whisper. "Just do it, just do it, please... please..."

I'm drenched in sweat. My face is probably beet red again. It's definitely puffy from crying into Potter’s shirt for the better part of an hour. It sticks to his skin, held by salt and snot.

I feel his arm move, and I hold my breath. Is he finally going to keep his promise? It's been a year since we made the Vow. How much longer is he going to make me wait?

I close my eyes and try to take a deep breath, but it comes out more like a shudder. My teeth chatter and my muscles still twitch at random, remnants from my fifth panic attack of the day. My heart is pounding, waiting to feel the tip of his wand press into my temple, for the flash of green light that signals the end.

He knows I can't do it. It has to be him.

But he just holds up another sodding handkerchief. I blow my nose and toss the disgusting square of fabric off to the side to join the rest on the floor. He wipes my tears with his thumb. His eyes are soft, apologetic, and I already know his answer.

Not today.

He adjusts his back against the wall and pulls me back into his arms, between the cage of his thighs and bony knees. He guides my head back down to his shoulder and I press my face into the curve of his neck and sob.

A/N: tbc, maybe

Wait do i have to draw something for this?? @vukovich

#drarry #tw mcd #cw mcd #major character death #tw sui implied #idk what came over me #my writing #your life is mine

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edupunkn00b · 2 years

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Out of context spoiler for French Kiss

“Top secret plans to overthrow the King? Or…” he giggled with a little blush. “Or maybe a love letter?”

“No! No, of course not. Both are… preposterous,” a faint frown pulled down his lips. He shook his head at the young man. “I am a man of the cloth.”

(colorized version of Fighting at the Hotel De Ville by Jean Victor Schnetz, 1833, featuring characters in the center and foreground in Remus Green, Virgil Violet, Logan Indigo, Lucas Orange, Patton Baby Blue, Janus Yellow and… Roman Red) Original below the cut.

Fighting at the Hotel De Ville by Jean Victor Schnetz, 1833

#French Kiss #ts logan #Father Logan Gerault #ts janus #Janus Robespierre #ts remus #Crown Prince Remus Capetian #ts roman #Prince Roman Capetian #ts patton #Patton Cœur #out of context spoiler #hint on who's speaking: Robespierre didn't _blush_ :)#or giggle XD #implied major character death #major character death #revolution #cw battle #cw guns

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rayisme · 2 years

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Day 6 for @dukeceitweek ! Prompt: Fire!

Warnings: Fire, MCD, D3@th, bl00d

Enjoy at your own risk.

I'm warning you

I'm kinda trying to get this shown as a long post so it'll be under the "continue reading" thing.

That way people who don't wanna see this don't have to.

Explanation under the pic

Remus ducked out, but didn't know his body would be left behind. And that his side of the imagination would go down with him.

#sanders sides #fanfic #fanfiction #sanders sides fanart #janus x remus #remus sanders #ts remus #major character death #tw blood #cw blood #tw major character death #cw major character death #tw implied suicide #tw fire #tw death #tw dead body

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symbioticship · 3 months

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So if you know wittyy-name and zizzani fanfic shadow of the past and ghost of the future same time switch concept but different

It's not a time switch it's a dimension switch (it's a season 4 divergent?) the last thing that happens is meeting Lotor...or is it?

And the switch is from the world from the show to one where the gang is in a home of delinquents

That's right they are a bunch of hell raisers, well except for hunk he just followed Lance in.

Shiro is their live in counselor

And this delinquent home is funded by Allura in one of her many humanitarian projects.

Coran is the bus driver/delivery/if you need outside help he's the one to call. Why?

Because the house is in the middle of nowhere, and treated more like a camp than anything.

Keith is an Arsonist that burned down a building

Pidge is hacker who helped him get into that building

Lance nearly killed someone

Hunk helped drive the victim to the hospital

There's reasons why each of them did these things you can even change the reasons if you please

But the only thing that should start the same is pidge and Keith are friends and hunk and Lance are too

Keith and shiro are still brothers but because his family adopted Keith though he left Keith behind to pursue his career and left in a messy fight.

There is no aliens in this universe but there's still a kind of magic.

There are soulmate connections here.

They appear as glowing color when skin touches skin, though it's not just romantic there's also platonic/familial connections

So if Lance were to touch hunk the color will come out blue, if he were to touch a stranger nothing would happen. If he were to touch Keith it would turn purple.

Mixing colors is romantic, your color is platonic

Your color will pop up on your friend if you touch your own arm while thinking of them, but if you aren't thinking of anyone your automatically going to talk to your soulmate.

It doesn't last forever just as long as your in contact.

Also you can break the connection, however it's very painful and leaves actual scars

But if you were to truly reject your soulmate and you were to agree with it then you start to cry

But these aren't normal tears, they look like stars falling down your cheeks. And it burns like acid.

You can't melt your face off but you will be branded with a black mark where your tears fell the most

So the one who 'switch places' is Lance.

TW: major character death and mentions of sui

You can take this out if it makes you uncomfortable but the thing is the reason why they switched is because they both died at the same time.

There is another variable but I'll only tell the writer what it is!

Of course they were rescued in time to live but they did die in the medical sense for a few minutes.

Voltrons Lance, VLance, was killed by Shiro (or was he?) And woke up in a hospital bed on earth.

The Lance of this dimension was rescued after an attempt.

And everyone is shocked when he's awake.

Not because he survived, but he's nothing like their Lance. So happy and goofy and talks to everyone like they're friends.

Which is weird because they hate each other.

Even Hunk is considered barely an acquaintance.

So Lance who considers these people his family plans to fix that, while trying to find a way to get back home.

The thing is, is there really a home to go back to, or is this all in his head?

You have full range to change what you please but there's just a few things I ask to keep.

One is to keep the soulmates stuff, doesn't have to be the same thing just soul mates

The future pairings are Klance, Shiro matt, shay hunk are already a couple.

I had someone with pidge but it was just an oc that is only ever mentioned in the background (an android in the Voltron universe) so that can be scrapped if thou pleases

Lotor is there to cause a wedge between Lance and Keith. Like Lance Lotor is also bi. The two of them actually like each other, and bond over their shared interest in Allura.

It's not a ruse Lotor legit just likes Lance.

And last but definitely not least

The title, if you don't mind, can it be Astronutcase?

Love y'all!

#klance #fanfic #take my ideas #tw sui implied #soulmates #cw sui implied #tw sui attempt #tw major character death #cw major character death #Astronutcase #i want to read it #if you prefer to draw it thats okay too #if you are reading this #and you might never read it #you know who you are #but if you are reading this lets talk about it #because I will never bring what happened up on my own i prefer it stay in the grave #but if you are reading this i would like you to know everything #we need to talk

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highcaliberstupidity · 8 months

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Whumptober Day 8 Outnumbered Rating Mature CW's/Tag's Implied/referenced character death, Rudy escaping during the Shadow betrayal Characters Rodolfo Parra Summary

It was unsettling, reminded him far too much of the cartel doctrines that lured in young men and women every day.

Ask anyone, and they'll always tell you the same thing. If push comes to shove, their always prepared for the worst.

And for many, that may be true.

It certainly is for Rodolfo.

Growing up in Las Almas, knowing what he knows, and doing what he does, has made him a paranoid man by nature.

The S.A.S operatives had come highly recommended by an old friend of Alejandro's, so extending trust to them had been… tough, but not impossible. At least with Soap, he could see the man's eyes, could see the truth in them.

With Ghost he didn't have that same security, but Laswell swore by them, and Alejandro swore by Laswell.

So Rudy gave them the benefit of the doubt.

Shadow Company, however, did not get the same kindness. They were not friends of Laswell's, they were simply Americans who hadn't liked the way things were run back home, and had decided to rebel and make their own special little unit.

It was unsettling, reminded him far too much of the cartel doctrines that lured in young men and women every day.

So he let Alejandro make nice, let him befriend and smile and laugh with Graves and his pack of strays while he watched. He knew this was Ale's way of feeling them out, knew to trust him.

You didn't become a Coronel for being stupid, after all.

But in the end, he thinks they both fell for Graves' slippery smile and sugar-coated words. Because even he hadn't expected this. He knew they were hiding something, but was content to let them wrangle their terrorist and leave Las Almas to deal with its own neverending problem.

He doesn't expect to have their very base ripped out from underneath them the moment Graves has them separated .

But here he is, wrenching a blade free from the Shadow that had tried to put one between his ribs. His movements are sluggish as he rights himself, trembling as adrenaline fights the drugs they must have spiked their food with.

He doesn't have long, he'll be lucky if he escapes.

The first bullet rings out, the rifles report cracking in the crisp evening air as shadows pour out of the main compound, launching themselves into the few Vaqueros that had yet to make it to the mess.

He hears screams and shouts in American for his men to surrender, to drop their weapons, and kneel.

He digs into the dead Shadows Tac vest as his men answer by opening fire.

His head bows in a silent prayer of his mother tongue for their sacrifice.

Three pockets in and he finds two stimulant shots, and without any preamble, jabs one into his denim-clad thigh, clenches his teeth against the burn. His heart rate skyrockets, and for a moment he hazes out, lurching unsteadily before everything comes back in sharp, aggressive focus.

He has to escape, has to get word to anyone.

He's not stupid enough to think that he can do this on his own.

He ignores the wet heat of tears on his skin as the gunfire below fades off, as American voices shout orders.

The radio next to him lights up, someone demanding a sitrep. And Rodolfo runs.

#whumptober 2023 #outnumbered #no major tags/cw's #call of duty #writing #implied/referenced character death #for the Los Vaqueros #whump #angst #set during Shadow betrayal #rodolfo parra #I like this one #kind of a fun mindset to write from

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dotster001 · 4 months

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When You Escape Him; Diasomnia

Summary: Yandere Diasomnia x gn!reader. He adopts a child that looks like the two of you. You run to give you both a chance at life. You never expected him to find you.

A/N: so, turns out the burnout was actually sleep deprivation. Who knew!

Heartslaybul Savannaclaw Octavinelle Scarabia Pomefiore Ignihyde Non NRC Staff

CW: major spoiler under the cut, but it does need a content warning, so if you want to see it, it's there, if not, skip straight to Mal's picture. yandere stuff, capture, forced sleep, implied past forced sleep, threats to innocents, Lilia is a shit in 3/4 of these,blood, implied previous injury, implied minor character death

Spoiler Content Warning: reader dies in Sebek 's part.

Three years into your relationship, he had come home and placed a baby in your arms.

"They were left in a box, all alone. And, well, he looks like if the two of us had a child," he sheepishly stared at the ground. "I just, I just figured it must be a gift from the seven."

You knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to tie himself to you through this boy. He looked just like him, and you were disgusted and scared.

Until he opened his eyes for the first time, and you found yourself staring into your own.

And you knew. You had to give this child the opportunity for a better life. A life without him.

In the end, your son did the opposite of what he had intended. And the first moment you could, the two of you had escaped.

Malleus had done something. Something unnatural. You'd at first kind of believed him. But the horns had started growing in on your son. This was your and Malleus' biological child. As unnatural and impossible as it was, you had no doubt.

The woman who ran the safe house had told you to put him up for adoption. She'd smiled sympathetically, but she told you in no uncertain terms that this child would damn everyone there. So either the child had to go, or you'd both have to go. She gave you until the next morning to leave. She'd send you with food and money, but you couldn't stay there.

But an hour later, as your son had summoned a storm with his crying, she had knocked on your door and told you she couldn't give you until the next day anymore. It just wasn't safe. And you understood, so you quickly began to pack, hastily hushing your infant son, who seemed in no hurry to stop crying.

You froze as you heard a boom. Not a boom from the storm your son had summoned. But a boom you recognized.

You heard screams in the safe house as vines crawled up the outer walls and windows. You looked at the sad little boy that you'd tried to save from a life in a cold palace, with a possessive and jealous father. You shouldn't have even made it this far. But that's exactly why you thought….

It didn't matter now.

You picked him up, and ran out of your room, straight out the door and into the rain.

“Malleus! Enough!” You shouted. “I'll go with you! Just leave them alone!”

Before you stood a huge dragon, surrounded by his army. But as the dragon looked down at you, its eyes softened, and he began to shrink back into the man you married.

He smiled wildly, extending his arms wide.

“Beloved,” he purred, momentarily forgetting his anger as relief filled him.

You walked slowly through the mud, ignoring the cold that seeped in your bones from the excessive rain caused by two separate storms. You took a shuddering breath and stepped into his embrace, fighting off a shiver of a different kind as his arms wrapped around you and your son.

“Don't hurt them. They're all just innocent people who need someplace to stay,” you whispered in his ear.

He pressed his lips to your ears, continuing to purr, as he said, “They tried to hide their king's spouse from him. They must face some sort of punishment.”

“Mal,” you said firmly, gently pulling far enough back that you could look in his eyes. “They weren't hiding me. They were about to tell you where I was.”

A lie. But the only way to keep the people in that building safe.

“I shall spare them then,” he hummed.

The change was instant. A flicker in his eyes that only you knew well enough to pick up on.

“Lilia, please escort my son home,” he ordered, his eyes not leaving yours as you felt the boy wrenched from your arms. Immediately, Malleus' grip shifted to your arm, and he dragged you along with him, straight into a glowing green portal…

Which led to a tower you recognized.

“Wait, no, no, I'm sorry-”

“If I don't punish you, how will you ever learn?” He waved his staff, summoning a stone table.

“Mal, please, our son-”

“You don't love him, but this will teach you to.”

“I do so love him!”

“Then you wouldn't have broken his family,” he said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

There was nowhere to run in the windowless tower, but you knew what came next. So you tried to yank yourself out of his grip, even if it was fruitless.

“What if he doesn't live another hundred years?” You cried as he wrestled you onto the table.

“He will. He has his father's blood.”

At least he admitted it.

His hand covered your eyes, a green glow beginning to fill your vision.

“He won't remember me,” you pleaded as your body began to grow numb.

“I'll ensure he does.”

You drifted off, falling into dreams designed to “open your heart.” Dreams where the three of you lived happily.

After another hundred years of that, surely you'd become the well behaved spouse he needed. And if not, he had a hundred more years to spend on you. And one day? One day his perfect family would be a reality.

You were elbows deep in another explosion your son had caused through his “science experiments” when you heard a knock on the door.

You blew a hair out of your face, before turning to your son.

“Can you get that, baby?”

He nodded quickly, happy to do anything to lower his punishment. You dug through some more goo (you didn't want to know what exactly he made) and finally found the bathtub drain. You pulled the plug and…

Nothing.

You groaned. Guess you had to clean it the hard way. Again.

You heard excited noises from the front door, and smiled softly. Your son's partner was prone to making surprise visits, so you figured he was telling them all about his latest explosion. Young love was cute. You hoped it stayed that way.

You pulled your goo covered arms out of the bathtub, and pulled over the bucket that had seen horrors. You began scooping handfuls into it, hoping that less goo would force the drain to go down, when your son came back to the door, looking ecstatic.

“Hey, um, there's someone here to see you.”

You smirked, and said, “Well, as you can see I'm a little busy. Tell them to wait.”

He shook his head vehemently.

“Uh uh, you gotta come see them now.”

The way he was bouncing up and down, it must have been Uncle Epel. He was the favorite Uncle, mainly because he always brought treats with him.

“Well, tell him if he wants to chat, he has to help me clean-”

No sooner had the words left your mouth when some familiar pink magic flew over your shoulder, and made the goo in the bath dissipate. You froze in your place, too scared to look.

“Easy peasy. Luckily I've had a lot of experience with kid's messes, fu fu.”

You were a coward, who was too scared to face fate. As though refusing to face it would mean it would never come up behind you, and wrap his arms around you, affectionately nuzzling your neck.

“How was your vacation?” Lilia hummed.

“That's my dad!” Your son interrupted, excitedly. “It all makes sense now! Why I look fae, why I'm so skilled at magic, why I have a hard time connecting with my peers…”

If Lilia was anyone else, you'd quickly explain it didn't make sense, it was just a sick coincidence. But with him wrapped around you like a python…

You weren't in a position to be dealing with broken ribs, again.

“Not only that, but you have a big brother!” Lilia said happily.

“I do!”

“He's probably downstairs waiting for you! Let's go!”

You couldn't blame your son for falling for Lilia's charms. You'd also made that mistake many years ago. Lilia excitedly took your hand, floating down the stairs while dragging you, your son behind you.

At the bottom of the steps was Silver, who was looking anywhere but at you. Lilia summoned a portal, and you were quickly pulled through it, followed by the two boys.

Your son stared in awe at the mansion that haunted your nightmares.

“We get to live here now?”

“Yes! I have a room all for you, Silver will show you the way, then he'll take you to get a new wardrobe.”

Your son took the stairs two at a time, then paused to look back at you, confused.

“Why haven't we been a family the entire time?”

You stiffened again, but Lilia was a wonderful actor.

“You see, your father is fae and loses track of time. I was supposed to come pick you up. I only just realized how much time passed. I'm so sorry.”

He turned to you, he laced his fingers through your hair, kissing you passionately. He pulled slightly away, whispering,

“Forgive me?”

In an attempt to ease whatever punishment was coming your way, you slowly nodded. You son beamed happily, then looked at you both.

“This is the best day ever! I can't wait to tell my partner!” He pulled out his phone, immediately beginning the call as he continued up the stairs.

“Well? Was that enough of a vacation for you?” Lilia asked coldly.

“How long-”

“Sevens, I knew where you were the whole time. Quite frankly, I'm insulted that you felt otherwise.”

He sounded genuinely insulted. Fuck.

“So…” you trailed off.

“I haven't decided what to do with you yet. You know how important you and my family are to me, yet you ran from me, and stole our son.” He grabbed you by the hair, forcing you to look into his eyes.

“But rest assured, if this happens again, I'll come up with a punishment that leans more…irreversible.”

“Y/N?”

Fuck. You knew that soft voice. It had a slight tremble of disbelief and shock, so you weren't surprised when you felt a hand gently take your chin, and direct it to a pair of gorgeous auroral hues.

You had thought enough time would pass that you would be unfindable. So here you were, at a cafe with your teenage son, thinking you were safe. What a joke.

“Y/N, where have you been? I missed you.”

You believed him. God, you wish you didn't, but you did. The problem with Silver was that he never knew what he did wrong. He didn't understand. To him, you just vanished one day, for no reason.

“Oh-” you started, but your son interrupted you.

“Hey, back off,” he said firmly, grabbing his table knife as though that would defend against Silver's sword fighting skills.

Or Lilia's anything, for that matter, as you realized he stood behind his son with a scary look in his eyes. A look you had experience with. A look that said, behave.

“S/N, don't,” you whispered, not daring to pull away from Silver.

“I'm not going to let him take you!” He stood from his seat, causing Silver's eyes to flicker over to him, and grow soft with fondness.

“You're all grown up!”

“Back off-”

“That's enough of that. I appreciate your loyalty, but it would be better suited elsewhere,” Lilia finally spoke, disarming your boy.

“Let go of me-”

“Father, please don't-”

“It's alright, Silver. I've raised two boys, I know how to handle a tantrum,” Lilia said lightly, pinning your son's arms to his sides. “As for you, young man, that's no way to speak to your father, or your grandfather.”

“We're not even related!” He shouted, and it was only then you realized the cafe was empty. They had planned this. Or, more accurately, Lilia had planned this, and probably surprised Silver.

“Enough. I'm putting you in timeout.”

He summoned a portal, and dragged your son towards it.

He turned back towards Silver with a firm look on his face, “Silver. Remember what I taught you.” And then he walked through the portal.

Silver held out a hand for you, and you swallowed your bile as you took it. You walked through the portal together, and found yourself in Silver’s room in the Castle in the Valley of Thorns.

He released your hand, dissipated the portal, and went to lock the door. You took the opportunity to sit on the bed.

Silver sighed as he stared at the floor.

“Father says that if I want to keep you in my life, I have to be more firm.”

He looked back up at you, something new swimming in his eyes. Something that frightened you.

“I don't want to hurt you. But today, seeing you for the first time in so long, I realized he was right.”

The frightening look wavered for a moment, as he said, “Why did you make my son hate me? Do you not think I'd be a good father?”

You sighed, remembering how easy it was to fall prey to Silver's everything. “If it were just you I had to worry about, I know you'd be a great father.”

“Then why…” the look cemented back into frightening again, and he stood stiffly, like a general deciding whether to spare an enemy soldier.

“I've given you a good life, a husband, and a family, but you are taking it for granted. You need to learn to appreciate what you have.”

That was all Lilia. Maybe if you had run away with Silver, you might have saved the last embers of your love for him. But then you might also be killed.

“I have arranged a cell in the dungeon for you. It's comfortable, but isolated. You will stay there until you learn your place.”

You fought to escape his grip as he dragged you down the stairs, pleading with him to see reason. But it was too late, and when the door was latched behind you, you couldn't help but wish you'd thought to try things differently.

You couldn't imagine how it took so long for him to find you. But as you and your son ran in the night, you wished it had been longer.

Ten minutes prior, you'd gotten a call from a wheezing voice you almost didn't recognize.

“Sebek…he…he's coming.”

“Lilia? What are you talking about? Where did you get my number?”

You heard a hard cough, followed by a tired laugh. “Who did you think was your fairy godmother? Run Y/N.”

The call hung up, and you grabbed a bag to start packing, only to hear a loud bang as your front door splintered. Your son had wanted to fight him off, but bless his heart he'd never win. So you'd both escaped out a window and ran.

You knew he was much too fast for you, but your son was fae as well, so he had a chance of getting away. And if you could just wear Sebek out…

You screamed out in pain as you felt something pierce you from behind.

You collapsed to your knees, staring down at the sword poking through your chest.

“No!” Your son screamed, and you choked back the pain long enough to say, “keep running!”

He looked at you regretfully, then angrily stared at something over your shoulder.

“I'll kill you!” He shouted, before running off, and disappearing down an alley.

You swayed from the position on your knees, your vision growing spotty. You turned over your shoulder, vaguely aware of a green haired man staring at you in shock.

Oh. That was Sebek! You had a date today, right? You didn't feel so good though, so maybe you should tell him you had to cancel.

“I… I didn't mean to,” he cried shakily, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. You collapsed again, this time not having the strength to get off your side. He knelt next to you, and felt a sharp pain from something pulling. He laid you on your back, and pressed his hands to your chest, muttering something you couldn't quite hear. His voice sounded like water, moving in and out of your ears.

“Y/N…..don…please…I”

You nodded like you understood.

His hands came to cup your face. It must be raining, because his hands were all wet. You'd have to make sure Grim remembered to grab an umbrella before class.

You slowly lifted your hand to cup Sebek 's hands that were clutching your face. His cheeks were covered in raindrops, and he seemed to be trying to tell you something important. But you were so tired, it was hard to keep your eyes open.

You had a final moment of clarity, where you stared at Sebek 's broken face, and felt momentary pity for him. But maybe this would teach him something that he would never forget over the course of his long life.

And you thought of your wonderful son escaping this creature, and the black finally completely took your vision.

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phoebepheebsphibs · 7 months

Text

So I've been cooking... and my favourite ingredient is ANGST--

Draxum's Nightmare: A Post-ROTTMNT Movie Comic, Part 1/9

CW! Nightmare, derealization, panic attack, implied major character death, PTSD

WIP Sketch <-

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #tutant meenage neetle teetles #rottmnt fanart #teenage mutant ninja turtles fanart #tmnt #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt draxum #rottmnt baron draxum #mikey and draxum #nightmare #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #Draxum's Nightmare Comic #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles movie #rottmnt movie #rottmnt comic #post movie #angst

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levmada · 5 months

Note

PLEASE write about Levi’s mental state, i’m begging you

He’s faced death and precarious situations since he was born, yet he’s still standing strong and hopeful, WHAT THE HELL I LOVE MY SHORT KING

IT'S FINALLY HERE😭im sorry anon i hope you're around to see this and if u are i hope i dont disappoint

the tone in this analysis is so weird because i kept getting caught between 'this is an apa paper no contractions, academic language, double spacing -' and 'this is a tumblr post about a fictional blorbo wtf r u on'

i also use some scientific language i try my best to explain but if this turns anyone off i don't blame them because im unhealthily obsessed

*i'm a third-year undergraduate psychology student w/ a concentration in psychopathology

tw/cw: discussion of childhood exposure to sex (not assault)

Foreword

I’ve been putting this off for a while (I’m forgetful and this topic is intimidating what can I say), but being a year out from graduating with my bachelor’s to become a mental health professional, and being a Levi scholar(/hj), I wanted to give this a shot.

I wanted to dissect and examine Levi Ackerman’s mental health “currently” (as in general canon), and explain as thoroughly but as simply as possible how and why he thinks and acts the way he does.

Seeing how AOT is pretty renowned for leaving out the ‘insignificant’ details, especially character details, a good majority of my assertions and even details of his life are built off of correlations and “signs and symptoms”; meaning some things could be an aspect of Levi’s personality, or a symptom of psychopathology.

I will examine his childhood (especially his childhood), adolescence, young adulthood, and “present” adulthood, with a short summary at the end of where he might be mentally after the war.

*Lastly, I don’t like it when things I say about a series or character are taken as fact or make it implied that someone else’s thoughts are “wrong”. This is partly built on headcanons anyway, which are influenced by my own experiences. Don’t take away from this that this is me telling you what to think.*

Childhood

The most important period of development occurs in infancy and childhood, especially from the ages of 3-6. This is when a child learns where to find security, love, and basic skills, gaining stability as they develop.

Well, Kuchel died when Levi was 4.

Maternal Love / Learning Empathy / Anxious Attachment Style

Levi was born into deep poverty within a violent unwelcoming environment. Basic physical needs must have been very hard to meet (i.e., consistently fed enough, a clean environment, no physical threats). And where Levi was born is like the dictionary definition of a bad environment for a small child, excluding only his mother’s care and love.

As it’s generally understood in canon (and suggested from Levi’s special backstory manga so far) she was a caring parental figure early in Levi’s life that loved him unconditionally. We can conclude that Kuchel did everything within her power to compensate for both parenting Levi alone and shielding him the best she could from his horrible surroundings, teaching the kindness, goodness, and love that Levi would internalize and go on to strive for for his entire life.

As far as we know, no other children lived in the brothel. Socialization is just as important for a young child as receiving love. With this isolation, it’s extremely difficult to learn how to connect to other people, or pick up on social cues. Levi would’ve never learned how to interact properly with his peers—aside from use of aggression and violence which Kenny would go on to instill in him.

With the danger/anxiety imposed by strangers, mostly if not entirely men, he would turn to his mother for comfort all. The. Time.

And she would give him that support and affection of course. This early motherly affection is integral to child development: a child who receives empathy and affection is subliminally taught how to feel and express empathy towards others.

While Levi’s surroundings were dangerous, lonely, and chaotic—traumatizing enough for a toddler or young child—Kuchel provided a safety net from that, so I think that Levi developed an anxious attachment as a child: exhibiting clinginess, excessive fear of abandonment, and an excessive need for security and/or reassurance.

Paternal Trauma / Potential Androphobia

Born and living in a brothel, we can assume that Levi was probably seen as a burden and a mistake by others, especially by men (both the likely majority of her customers and her boss).

AOT ch69; Before the Fall, ch34

This is likely in contrast to the women (those living and working in the brothel like Kuchel). They should know Kuchel if not as friends, then acquaintances who could empathize for her and her son.

There’s an obvious trend here. If Levi is going to feel fear/danger/anxiety because of men, he should have a general aversion to men and-or the behavior of men who he encountered as a child. This is impossible to know for sure or in meaningful detail, but it seemed to be resolved by the time he became an adult if so.

Although Kenny in his words was no more than Levi's teacher, Levi did see him as a father figure.

The subject of Kenny will be expanded on later, but it's clear Kenny in no way resembled a father, who also would go on to abandon Levi (at the age of 11 or so). Children without father figures tend to struggle more emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Specifically, (especially boys) tend to exhibit intimidating/aggressive personas to compensate for resentment, fear, and unhappiness.

Sexual Trauma (Tangent, Probably)

This is unconfirmed but a likely trauma Levi went through: exposure to sex as a child. There’s no way to confirm what he experienced, so I’ll function on ‘probably’s’ and ‘most likely’s’.

Because Levi and Kuchel only lived in one room, other rooms in the brothel should have belonged to other women, and he was at the oldest four, I wager that he was babysat by women who Kuchel knew and/or was made to hide somewhere while she worked, such as in a cabinet.

(for reference)

AOT ch69

The odds are high that he was exposed to the aftermath of sexual violence (i.e., marks seen on his mother), and the sound or smells that have to do with it. That young, he wouldn’t know what it was, but he should have realized later as an adolescent.

In general, children regardless of gender exposed to sexual content usually experience early puberty (which is just as likely for impoverished children, or children who experience chronic high-stress in general); issues with intimacy; become desensitized to high-risk behavior; negative/inaccurate expectations about sex and relationships in the future; influence inappropriate behavior with other children or adults; sex addiction.

This is especially relevant to Levi’s fear of closeness/intimacy in the future. Exposure to sexual situations—possibly not including CSA in his case—very early in life inflicts on a child emotions and stress they don’t have the intellect or reasoning to process or understand. An extreme aversion to interpersonal relationships, especially physical ones, results.

This stress Levi must have felt, being powerless to this happening to his mother, is a different beast. Children aren’t capable of handling high levels of stress, and so the brain will automatically create coping mechanisms: dissociation (a severe form of “zoning out”; observing the self “from the third person”; numbness; the feeling of living in a dream), excessive daydreaming/overactive imagination, symptoms of PTSD (nightmares and terrors; flashbacks; spontaneous activation of fight-flight-freeze associated with anxiety; excessive worrying/fear; loneliness/self isolation). PTSD will also be prevalent in Levi’s later life, which I’ll delve into later.

Inappropriate behavior and sex addiction are also highlights for me because they shouldn’t exist in him based on Levi's personality and behavior throughout the series. In my opinion, Levi ought to associate sex with pain, shame, and violence; he does see it as an ordinary job—a means to an end. He should be desensitized to sex as a concept, but associates it personally with shame, sadness, and pain, possibly feeling disgust towards it. So it is highly likely that Levi in every stage of life following this experienced sexual repulsion (usually associated with high anxiety towards sex), a low libido, or a lack of sexual desire entirely.

From a trauma perspective, he could avoid sexual topics of conversation, sexual settings (i.e., brothels), or an array of things which are sexually suggestive or he as a child possibly associated with sex (i.e., cleavage, panties, specific touch). Similarly, he might avoid direct reminders or have a post-traumatic reaction to them, such as anxiety or flashbacks (i.e., the sound of a bed creaking, the sight of wet clothes).

Importantly, it can be concluded that sexual violence was often exhibited, and the idea would be ingrained in him that sex, like everything else besides his relationship with his mother, is “give-and-take”, “victim-and-attacker”, and learn to be repulsed by intimacy. This impacts his willingness for later friendships and relationships as we’ll see later.

Early Abandonment & Early Exposure to Death

As Kuchel’s health deteriorated, Levi’s sense of security would break down. Availability of shelter, food, and emotional support would be even less secure than before. He might have been providing for Kuchel for some time, even, as it can be gathered that he received little to no help from those around him while she was sick. To whatever length he had to take responsibility and both fear for Kuchel, this would cement a sense of responsibility and guilt in him from the age of just four years old.

He will fail to save her—regardless of the fact that that’s not his responsibility in the first place; a child wouldn’t understand that—and then lose her with nothing he could do to even cushion the blow.

How powerless he must’ve felt. How hopeless. How likely is it that Levi found comfort in joining her? A child his age wouldn’t be able to comprehend death, basing our understanding on Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. To summarize, at the age of six or seven, children aren’t capable of complex, abstract thought like death or the finality of it. But Levi had to learn early.

AOT ch69

This will be center in his “clean-freak” tendencies later.

Adolescence

Most of this section is going to be rather vague again, but we already got the bulk of that over with in childhood!

Emotional Train Wreck / Lack of Identity

It’s hard to notice if you’re not paying attention, but in every scene we’re shown with Levi after his mother dies but before Kenny leaves, he’s wearing some variation of his mother’s one dress styled into a shirt. He loves her endlessly, even or especially in death. And part of cherishing her memory, to him, should’ve been taking after her as much as he could.

That’s how to explain why he didn’t become a cruel person (Kenny for instance) as he grew into a teenager, even though much of Levi’s outlook and behaviors come from him (ch57).

The more pertinent question is how extreme violence, reinforcement of the idea that that violence is power, and Kenny’s total (or most likely total) lack of communicated emotional connection affected him.

Levi would still desperately want that connection deep down, especially with his mother gone. This is a major reason why Levi sought to get stronger to please Kenny. For chronically abandoned people, that continues into adulthood and even beyond. A hole inside which can't be filled.

AOT ch69

Chronic loneliness—like I explained before—basically explains his aloof nature and awkward disposition. It’s not that Levi feels as detached as he looks, but he doesn’t know how to express himself or open up. He wouldn’t learn how to process his emotions, let alone talk about them. He’s basically emotionally stunted and immature in impersonal relationships (between friends and especially in regards to intimacy).

The Underground’s environment also makes him socially awkward, rude, of course stoic/not very expressive, and blunt. Levi was forced to become extremely observant of people to suss out their intentions, remaining vigilant of his surroundings at all times.

Levi doesn’t even get affection in any sense anymore. He doesn’t get a hug or a pat on the back, and he certainly doesn’t get a shoulder to cry on.

If anything, Kenny would punish him for showing weakness. Vulnerability is weakness; weakness is death.

What results is a continuous and boundless sense of emptiness inside that can’t be filled. He’s plagued by a chronic sense of unbelonging and loneliness. There’s no time or opportunity to develop “normally” as an adolescent. Socialization is limited at best; thinking of his place in the world is irrelevant when his one and only most pressing goal is survival; he doesn’t get to explore hobbies or interests.

OCD Propensity

One “interest” Levi is passionate about is cleaning, at least. Disease is what caused his mother to die. The easiest cause to point to would be their disgusting surroundings (although, Kuchel was infected by a customer). It is canon that Levi’s love of cleaning comes from "his personal experiences". In that interview, Levi first specifically references the important of fighting disease.

In other words, his "clean freak" nature comes, primarily, from the death of his mother: Filth -> disease -> death, and abandonment by extension.

His mother would’ve encouraged him to keep their room clean. There were times he or she had to have come down with something and dirtiness was the cause. On top of Kenny’s enforcement to keep up “clean” appearances to garner respect from everyone else in the Underground.

This in particular is extremely relevant to his mental health. When someone feels out of control of what is happening to them, especially in a recurring way, and especially as a child who doesn't yet know how to feel stable in an unstable environment, they look for something to control. It can be weight, bodily functions (blinking, breathing, etc), dominance over others, or cleaning, for instance.

Fear of disease, the urgent need to have control, and the basic need for stability makes it obvious that Levi would become obsessed with cleaning. And moreover, developing OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I’ll go deeper into this diagnosis later.

Lack of Self Worth

Despite the acknowledgment throughout canon that he trusts in his own strength, it wasn’t always that way.

Canonically, Levi sought praise from Kenny by showing his strength because that was the only thing he received praise for. The conclusion Levi came to once Kenny left him was that he wasn’t strong enough (wasn’t good enough) to warrant staying with him.

In conjunction, Levi’s first conclusion was that he did something wrong, not that Kenny possibly had some obligation that forced him to leave the Underground, pointing again to his own lack of self-worth.

This scenario created a complex in him, the very root cause of Levi’s pain, the very foundation of what Levi would go on to prioritize in adulthood. If he isn’t useful to those he wants not to abandon him, he’s worthless. He’s only useful when he shows his strength. Every other aspect of him like his interests is either irrelevant or bland by default in his eyes.

He would go on to make it his mission to try his best to be good enough in order to save and protect the lives of others, but foremost those he cares about.

Young Adulthood

Our first exposure to Levi as an adult is in A Choice with No Regrets, his OVA/backstory.

(By the way, I’ll be basing this analysis off a mix of the manga and the OVA.)

Emotional Immaturity/Affective Dysregulation

Generally, Levi’s defining negative character trait as a young adult is his emotional immaturity/anti-social behavior. Yes he’s grumpy and rude which is always indicative of him, but he’s very quick to anger, too. He cursed at the Squad Leader who offended him (by assuming that because he, Isabel, and Farlan are from the Underground, they’d be dirty), and argued furiously with Farlan that he would kill Erwin—not because it was required for the job, but because he disrespected him—for a few examples.

ACWNR ch2

He tended to be arrogant, too. Such as when he ultimately called a Scout who had experience with the Titans stupid for telling Levi to hold his swords in a certain way. He spoke to every officer the same as he would anyone on the street, having a remarkable lack of basic respect for authority. He was insistent on distancing himself from the entire setting and structure of the Scouts as much as possible, both to not get attached, and he found their mission childish/foolish.

He’s rather selfish. There is nothing Levi cares about genuinely more than Isabel’s and Farlan’s lives and the job that will set them up with a good future. Farlan’s advice is the only one’s he takes and the only judgment outside himself that he considers, such as when Farlan asks him to not cause trouble with authority to keep a low profile, but even then he acts stubborn. Levi trusts nobody wholeheartedly except himself (until later in ACWNR).

There’s a cognitive dissonance in him. Growing up, and still as a young adult, Levi’s headspace is marked by fear and uncertainty, with his power as his source of confidence. The first time he kills a Titan (with Isabel and Farlan), he uses too much gas because he refuses to potentially risk his friends’ lives; when the expedition is upcoming, he abruptly tells Farlan and Isabel to find a reason to stay back, and that he’ll complete the dangerous part of the job on his own.

Levi is full of repressed fear and uncertainty. He hides and/or buries all of it for the sake of self-preservation both emotionally and physically.

Antisocial Personality…?

It’s extremely interesting how a character as selfless, heroic, and empathetic as Levi exhibits antisocial symptoms. I’d even argue that if his childhood was spent entirely without his mother figure, then he might be a dictionary definition of ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder).

People with this disorder live day-to-day under the constant assumption that whoever is around them is “out to get them”/searching for a weakness to exploit. Humanity is made up of only prey and predators; morals are completely subjective, perpetuated by the society that surrounds them. This constant need to defend oneself, the effect of the exact trauma the potential sociopath experienced, combined with a muted emotional spectrum, results in a complete disregard of everything, including people outside of themself. They might believe they’re entitled to comfort or admiration, but overall, they’re intensely self-serving, often aggressive, and ruthless.

Because Levi for instance learned to rely on violence both for “love” and survival, then he might fall on violence to manipulate a person or situation into serving himself. I see reason to believe that Levi could have grown into worse than Kenny’s image if it weren’t for his mother’s influence.

However, the greatest cause for deniability is Levi’s wide emotional spectrum (especially including empathy and shame), while a lack of shame is the most significant marker of ASPD . (It is arguably one of many testaments to his strength that a victim of so much suffering, violence, and cruelty could become a man as empathetic as him.)

However, these tendencies may still be relevant: A sense of arrogance—both to the way Levi thinks of some who he perceives as weak and live without good morals—lacking issue with using deceit or violence to attain a goal, and living outside the rule of authority.

I go into more detail about this idea here.

Conclusion

As is true in general, there’s very little to say of mental development once someone has reached their early–mid-twenties. What we know of Levi’s young adulthood does reinforce his fear of abandonment, but he finds a cause where his strength and compassion can be “put to good use” and give to him a life that is worth living.

Conclusion: the ‘Present’/Diagnoses Overview

C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Levi’s emotional dysregulation (i.e., inability to sit with and process negative emotions), his difficulties in relationships, insomnia, negative worldview, absent sense of self, and finally, his persistent sense of unworthiness/worthlessness are all indicative of C-PTSD. It’s distinct from PTSD in that he didn’t endure one short-term traumatizing event, but he grew up surrounded by trauma and saw it as normal (e.g., gang violence, extreme poverty, death of a parent, (more presumably) physically and emotionally abusive parental figure). Levi as a child developed no understanding of a nurturing, secure environment.

Negative/Absent Sense of Self

I’ve talked about this at length already, but it’s worth noting how Levi’s perception of himself must have changed when it was revealed that he is extremely strong physically not from his own efforts as much, but because he’s an Ackerman.

His self-confidence and self-worth have always been built on the foundation of his strength. He’s useful if he’s strong, so he’s worthy if he’s strong. Along with the extreme high pressure his goal to kill Zeke put on him in season four, he might have gone to extreme measures to compensate for his strength he might have felt was “unearned” (such as excessive exercise for example). This is an aside, but it was a blow to him for sure.

Emotional Dysregulation

The causes of emotional dysregulation generally which he experienced are as follows: early childhood trauma, feelings ignored, judged, or invalidated at a young age, and physical and emotional child neglect. Beyond his first four years of life with his mother, Levi experienced all these things (early exposure to sex and likely exposure to domestic violence aside).

It’s important to focus on emotional neglect specifically, when any and all perceived “weakness”, no matter how small, is unacceptable to Levi. He will never ask for help (being independent to a fault), he can’t define or process his emotions, and it doesn’t occur to him—and it could be a shock—when he learns that his friends care about him, not him insofar as how useful he is.

As an adult, Levi appears to be emotionally mature, but I argue that this isn’t the case. It’s more accurate to say that he has better control over his emotions (in that he buries them or ignores them) with a mature outlook because of all his experiences with suffering.

Similarly, he’s not outwardly emotional not because he’s antisocial (as related to ASPD, not introversion), but because he’s so “emotionally constipated” that he’s numbed the vast majority of the time.

Relationship Issues + Fear of Abandonment

Because of his fear of abandonment and impaired emotional intelligence in close relational conflict, he’s extremely passive and/or passive aggressive. In order to avoid potential abandonment, he doesn’t go out of his way to win major arguments—such as threatening to break Erwin’s legs if he didn’t stay away from the expedition in season three, but ultimately giving in. He’s also more likely to sneak petty insults into arguments, give “silent treatment”, slam doors, etc. His kindness and exceptional empathy shouldn’t let him be physically or overly violent.

These are likely additions to why Levi doesn’t foster many close relationships.

Fittingly, as a child I thought that Levi might have had an anxious attachment style (clingy, excessive need for security), but as this possibility for security was removed entirely, and he was taught to not rely on others, he would develop more of an overt avoidant attachment in adulthood in combination (fearful-avoidant): making very few emotional demands—even though he has needs—withdrawing when there’s conflict, acting aloof yet fearing abandonment, having difficulty expressing emotions he feels intensely, and fear of depending on someone else.

Anxiety

His cool-headedness even in the heat of battle/war (other factors like experience aside) is exactly what you would expect from someone diagnosed with C-PTSD; he’s accustomed to chronic high-stress. But small stressors (i.e., a change of plans) are overwhelming and make him quick to anger/excessive annoyance.

OCD

Emotional dysregulation is also closely associated with OCD.

OCD is much much more than being concerned with keeping clean or organized. OCD is an anxiety disorder composed of anxiety-related obsessions and compulsions, such as frequent and disturbing thoughts or images (intrusive thoughts). These attempt to be managed through rituals (i.e., handwashing, counting in patterns). Although symptoms will fluctuate with anxiety, OCD at its baseline is a distressing disorder.

Since he was young, Levi should have had an incessant need to be in control at all times. A shining example of this is his mother’s death, an incident he couldn’t control but included dirtiness/disease as a cause he could pinpoint, so this anxiety with dirtiness becomes a major obsession, and the compulsion is cleaning. (Putting aside the fact that Levi enjoys cleaning by itself too.)

It’s a widely-held belief that if Levi has OCD, it’s contamination OCD, as it specifically has to do with an obsession with dirtiness and a compulsion in cleaning (i.e., damaging handwashing, ritualized bathing that may take hours). However, based on the multitude of times Levi was covered in blood and remained unbothered by it (Titan and human), and in fact the obsession’s lack of relevance entirely during urgent missions/situations, contamination OCD is simply not plausible. Instead, it’s general OCD.

There’s no way to know for sure, but I don’t see his OCD as mild or severe. Levi is an extremely orderly and balanced person, so it can be concluded he must have things done a certain way, routinely, organizational, or planned; when the dirtiness is “negative” (i.e., Titan blood, blood on a knife he used to kill Isabel’s attackers), he is never more rigid with cleanliness; it’s probable he suffers intrusive thoughts (likely of the violent nature), a fear of contamination, and/or counting ritualistically, but the most obvious compulsion is cleaning. He might have sensory issues, such as disgust if he happens to brush shoulders with a stranger; aversion to particularly bright lights, irrational rage towards “mouth sounds” (i.e., chewing, coughing, swallowing), etc.

EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)

Levi should have a complicated relationship with food to say the least.

In the realm of eating disorders, EDNOS is sort of a catch-all term when an individual doesn’t qualify for the diagnostic criteria of anorexia or bulimia, and it encompasses lesser-known eating disorders like Pica. It’s the most common diagnosis for clinical eating disorders.

I already covered how integral the early years of life are, and beginning at a young age, if children aren’t given a basic need like food, and they must seek out food on their own, it becomes an anxiety deeply rooted in the brain regardless of how well-fed they are when they’re older. There will always be an urge to have food available. Levi’s years in the Underground were spent either actively starving, or going about every single day having acquiring food as top priority. He was a young adult when he left, so it’s impossible to unlearn this (without extensive therapy, which Levi doesn’t seek). It’s similar to compulsions found in OCD: even though he logically knows that there will be a dinner after lunch, it’s impossible to put aside this worry.

That may mean always having food stashed, eating too much—especially in his early years Aboveground when he’d eat as much food in a day than he’d eat in a week Underground— stealing food, or eating way too quickly (as someone who lived in a place where food was considered something of a luxury resource and threatened being stolen at any time).

The latter factor contributes to Levi’s suggested preference to only eat alone—joining the fact that Levi only eats with Erwin after expeditions. Eating in front of others should be considered a weakness to him.

As time passes with this easy access to food, combined with his extremely narrow sense of what makes him “good enough”, his relationship with eating may become toxic. Especially when the stakes of his worthiness are so high—literally life and death. He may think that he’s privileged to eat at all, and when he feels worthless, he restricts himself from that “privilege”.

He may be so accustomed to the feeling of hunger, that it doesn’t immediately register with his mind when he is hungry.

Lastly, he may have a generally low appetite. This is often associated with depression, but depression is comorbid with C-PTSD.

Misc.

Some tangents/miscellaneous speculation about Levi’s psychology:

Queer?

Sexuality is formed and shifts due to a wide variety of factors, which most if not all are terribly understudied: genetics, hormones, and your environment/experiences. So again, my speculation.

With his fear of close relationships and negative experiences with sex, I think he should land somewhere on the queer spectrum, specifically under the asexual or aromantic umbrella (i.e., pansexuality/being panromantic (attraction to personality) and demisexuality/being demiromantic (attraction only to those he has an emotional connection to)).

MDD

The odds of Levi having MDD (major depressive disorder/clinical depression) are iffy. Most if not all of the symptoms are comorbid with childhood trauma and C-PTSD: Such as persistent apathy, guilt, and/or discontent; sleeping too much or too little; lack of energy; reduced or heightened appetite; irritability.

Oftentimes, depression, C-/PTSD, and related mental illnesses cause unexplained physical pain, such as back pain and occasional tension headaches. “Stress hormones” like adrenaline are built-up in the body, and usually persist without physical therapy and-or medication (Disclaimer this mention is based on nothing more than Levi always standing with at least one hand on his hip).

Body Language

Similar can be said of his body language from a cognitive perspective. The vast majority of the time, Levi has himself closed-off in some way, usually by crossing his arms to protect his chest; a subconscious barrier between oneself and another person.

Also see this official art of Levi asleep.

Afterword

We’ve known it’s not just Levi’s physical strength and skill that makes him the strongest, right? It should take immense mental strength to make it day-by-day dealing with the trauma and issues that he does, but not only has he survived and continues to, but he lives heroically, selflessly, with the wellbeing of everyone around him as a top priority. He buries all of his pain by moving forward always and without exception regardless of how painful the present is. Living with “no regrets” should in mental respects be a guise for pushing his trauma down, too; there’s just no words that can properly do Levi’s resilience justice.

Part of me wants to go into detail about his later adulthood, but given how very little we know (right now), I think it’d be too speculative.

However, based on what we have seen at the ending of AOT, it’s comforting to know and plain to see that Levi wasn’t defeated when he “lost” the reason to be so strong, and even his strength itself; he didn’t lose his love for his friends nor of life.

In middle age, based on Erikson’s psychosocial stages, the conflict that should enter Levi’s life is the idea of generativity versus stagnation. He seems satisfied with his life despite the negative effects of all he went through—grief, physical disability, inevitable mental scarring—and he’s still concerned with helping others, especially the younger generation in a world after the overwhelming devastation that was the Rumbling.

My speculated psychopathologies/diagnoses of Levi:

C-PTSD (insomnia prevalent)

OCD (contamination obsessions)

EDNOS