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crobones · 4 months

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so you want to know about my theory on thomas zane and alan wake! thanks so much for asking, I'm happy to share.

Y'ALL SEENT MOONKNIGHT? alright so follow me on this:

first and foremost, to clarify before I begin - the Dark Place and it's Dark Presence is real and exists

There is a Finnish auteur who comes to America with Barbara in the 1960's

when Barbara dies, the auteur experiences a split - the creation of a new alter - The Diver.

And in that very step, you realize I'm talking about DID. DISCLAIMER: Dissociative Identity Disorder is a very real psychological disorder that should be taken seriously and with respect, and those who have it (systems) deserve respect and privacy as well. This theory is in no way meant to mock or belittle or villainize any systems out there.

The Initial Split: the traumatic event(s) that happened to Alan (the name of the child before the split) occurred at a very young age, obviously. Before he developed a personality, according to studies on DID. And all we can gather on the parents are of what Zane and Alan have co-written about [Alan's] mother and a father he didn't know. It is stated that Linda spent most of [Alan's] life in psychiatric care for a yet-to-be-if-ever disclosed reason. I'm not saying she also had DID, as it is not inherited, but children of those with disorders can be more prone to developing their own.

it's possible a specific traumatic event that acted as the catalyst for the initial split involved drowning, or water somehow.

EITHERHOOT, back to the Child. DID can exist and not be realized until well into adulthood. So the Child goes about life, becomes a poet, a writer, a director. He creates the character of The Diver due to an intense fascination with the darkness of the worlds that can exist in deep, deep bodies of water (lol same) and a want to explore those worlds.

At this point in time - Before Barbara Dies - these are occupations that the host has - not separate alters. The Diver is a character, also not an alter (yet; I'll get there.)

But Cro, if Thomas is the host for the majority of this time, why is there no trace of him existing except for maybe a poem? Well, because Thomas Zane was not born as Thomas Zane. When the Child was born, he was named Alan Wake - at least on any and all legal documentation. Tom's wife and friends and colleagues all knew him as Tom because that's how "he" (the system) introduced themself to everyone. Tom Zane was the first Primary Host - the alter who Fronts, or uses the body and interacts with the outside world.

So let us begin again: Thomas Zane is a Finnish auteur who comes to America with his wife Barbara in the 1960's. He is the primary hosting alter of a system he possibly does not even know exists.

Barbara dies. Zane tries to bring her back with the power of The Dark Place. It fails. He carves out Barbara's heart. A split happens. The Diver emerges.

He is an Emotional Protector, but it's also likely he is a Fragment Alter, as well as a Fictive - an alter that doesn't fully develop their own unique attributes; and Fictive because he is based on a character Tom had already created. At least to start.

Tom is still the host. He has control. He and Barbara have fallen into the Dark Place.

the Dark Presence begins to try to manipulate The Diver. Tom, who is still the primary host and while trying to maintain the health of the body and fend off corruption, wants to defend The Diver. To him, The Diver is the Light, the Protector, the one tasked with processing the loss of Barbara. Because even now, the Diver is still a part of Tom. A Fragment. The Diver needs Tom to complete him, and so the Diver refers to himself as Tom as well.

But Tom is a poet, and he knows that with any Light, there also comes a Darkness. And so, to save himself and to save the Diver, Tom writes. He doesn't necessarily know that he's having any effect on reality. The way for an artist to vent emotions like fear and confusion is to create. And he would never truly make "himself" the main character - he's an auteur, he would never be so gouche. So he changes a few key aspects.

He doesn't mean for it to happen. He didn't know the extent of those inside the system, or even that they truly existed within him at all. But he writes a character - a siphon for the darkness, really. A sacrifice to the Dark Presence, as if to appease it.

Now, it is well established that writing in the Dark Presence less so fully creates something from nothing, but really just nudges things in one direction or the other.

There's a name that comes to mind - something that people used to call him when he was younger, and it always confused him. He writes a character named Alan.

Now, Zane is not so cruel as to make Alan simply a sheep led to the slaughter. and darkness itself is not something necessarily evil, per se. Within himself is a fear and a want to leave this place. Writing is escapism. It is self-preservation. Alan can be a good man that is struggling with his own devils, just as Zane deals with the Darkness he feels within himself. Alan just wants to leave.

And so Alan has an antagonist. Inspired by The Diver, the Champion of Light within himself, Tom gives unto Alan his own Herald of Darkness. He can't decide on a name for this individual. It doesn't come to him as easily as the Diver or Alan did. He gives it a few tries, but redacts all of it. In the end, and only in his mind, he refers to this devil as Mr. Scratch, but really "scratch" is just a concept that he can't think of a word for.

And so, within this Darkness, the only true way to escape that we know of is to make a sacrifice. Zane can't sacrifice Barbara, she's already dead. The Darkness had already taken her body and he knows that now. He refuses to sacrifice The Diver or Alan - they feel like a part of him.

But Mr. Scratch is just as much a part of him as the rest of the system. Zane figures he is willing to sacrifice that part of himself - the evil within.

So into the Dark Place Mr. Scratch is sent. Is it enough? Can he finally get out?

Well, while every alter in the system has a level of agency, just as The Diver is a Fragment of Zane, Scratch was really a Fragment of Alan. Even Zane established that much within his own writing. So really, the sacrifice was Alan's to make. It was a battle Alan had been fighting, not Zane.

So Alan gets out. The alters are of a system, but while Alan is Hosting, it could be said that the Alters are left in the Dark Place. Time and space don't work there as they really should, so chances are, the System could persist without a physical body.

It's not a lake, it's an ocean. Perhaps Alan emerges from he Dark Place in Cauldron Lake and simply doesn't remember traveling across the country. Zane "wrote himself out of reality" and so that could very well effect Alan's memories. It could be possible he emerges directly into New York City - where Zane had based the character's place of birth. Regardless, Alan get's to New York and attempts to live a normal and healthy life.

When Alan escapes the Dark Place, it's probably 1999, or some time close. The internet both exists but isn't infallible. Documents can be "replicated" if lost. The country is having a wild time, it wouldn't be impossible for a 33 year old man to emerge from nothingness. So what if he doesn't have any ID on him, maybe he was houseless for a time.

Because Zane "wrote" Alan's background, and it is common for someone to write what they know, Alan's life has a lot of similarities to Zane's. Alan "knows" his past. Doesn't remember any Darkness, though. Don't know what you're talking about.

Alice hears about the program and brings Alan to Bright Falls.

Within the overlap, the System can reconnect. But Alan remembers nothing about any of it. Doesn't remember the System, the town, the lake, or the Darkness. But everything and everyone remembers him very well.

And, while Scratch was sacrificed to the Darkness, well. That doesn't necessarily mean he died!

side theories!

The System's own mind place was just the writer's cabin, but it was possessed and corrupted by the darkness.

Mr. Hatch and Mr. Door are not necessarily the same. Mr. Hatch exists in reality, but perhaps Mr. Door is an Introject Alter who is also the Gatekeeper. Interesting idea, but I doubt it's likelihood.

Mr. Scratch, as he never truly "died" or left the system but had been made to succumb to it, is a Misguided Protector. He wants to protect the system from the Darkness in theory, but really he wants to prevent the circumstances that brought them to the Darkness instead. And so, Mr. Scratch thinks that they can't lose another love of their life if he kills her!

NOTE: Mr. Scratch was not so "evil" in the beginning, but he became so when sacrificed to the Darkness. But as each alter has a level of individuality and agency, while the Darkness managed to possess him, it has not managed to possess any other alter.

Linda Wake is the system's mom and birth mother. But when Tom wrote Linda giving Alan the switch, that was based on a memory of her giving the system the gift as a child. who was fronting at the time is unknown. Perhaps Alan and Tom co-fronted parts of their childhood, but Tom was the primary, as Alan is more introverted.

Any and all times Alan exhibited "insanity", that was fully induced by the Darkness. People with DID and other mental disorders do not always exhibit such symptoms as he had, if ever. Each case is unique.

The Darkness did not cause the trauma that produced the System's DID in this theory. Tom/Alan lived a life without any paranatural influence until moving to Bright Falls, though it is likely he was a parautilitarian. He is a partially a victim to the darkness, but more importantly, he is the hero of his own story.

(The system as a collective is the hero. Maybe Lan and Tom have their own paranatural abilities - Alan's involving writing and Tom's being creating movies.) But within the system is also their own enemy.)

If you've ever read the graphic novel The Wicked + The Divine and like the involvement of the gods of old and Odin, Tor, Ahti, and the like, I guess i could kinda see Tom/Alan as a "vessel"(?) for Loki. Complicated individual who means well most of the time, but has a dark side, and every interpetation of Loki depends on the perspective of the audience, which is a heavy theme in the game.

Really, i just love the idea that he's not involved in the ongoing godhood of those around him at all. He doesn't have the name of a Norse god - he's just some fuckin bloke. His wife brought him someplace and he got sucked into a fucked up scenario. Maybe The Dark Place is fucking Jotunheim and that's why Saga, and Tor, and Odin and everyone is drawn to it. They are there to protect the outside world from Jotunheim. Ahti isn't part of the same pantheon, but he is a god of water, so he's just chilling as the innocent bystander - though he has an investment of course. And then a mortal accidentally walked into their bullshit. But since he's a mortal and a creator of things, he is held in high regard. Gods really only have as much power as their worshippers give them in their stories.

The Dark Place could be Jotunheim, and maybe each resonance in the Remedy Universe is a jötun or the jötun were based on what resonance are individually or idk I could go on. reality influencing art influencing life influencing art inf- [gun shots]...

I'm tired.

(edit: reading back I initially said Barbara's death created Mr. Scratch. the entire situation with Barbara and his carving out her heart in my mind actually created the Diver, I meant to say. Scratch came later.)

(second edit: grammar and spelling)

#thomas zane #alan wake #mr. scratch #the diver #aw2 spoilers #cw: mental health #cw: mental illness #forewarning: discussing DID from the perspective of someone who does not have or exhibit the disorder #i have no intention of mocking or belittling or disrespecting anyone with DID #i will edit or delete any or all of this post per request #long post

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mrbeeboi · 3 months

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Just jotting this down because I wanted to write down my feelings about everything somewhere.

Deep down, I saw this as a possibility, but I never thought it would have happened so recently. I’m not blind. I’m not naive. You don’t write things like YCGMA and MSR without either personal experience or a very vivid imagination. I assumed the former. And it feels like a slap to the face to know just how right I was about that, but how wrong I was for assuming this had all passed ages ago.

I’d always thought, maybe a bit too strongly, that he was like me. A formerly desperate and incredibly mentally ill person craving human connection that was willing to cross lines and boundaries to try and secure it. I’d always thought that, like me, he’d hurt someone deeply and realized just how bad of a person he was. I’d always thought that, like me, he’d already recovered and was working to make up for it.

I’ve always hesitated to call myself a good person. I nice person, sure. A kind person, maybe if you see it that way. But never good. I feel too guilty to consider that a possibility, no matter how many times the person I hurt has given me their forgiveness. And when I heard him express similar sentiments about himself, I felt seen. I felt, evidently too much, that we were one in the same in a way; damaged people attempting to make amends.

Of course I never considered him a friend. I didn’t know him and knew I never would. I was well aware of the fact I, as the audience, only saw what he wanted us to see. It’s easy to manipulate someone from behind a screen. It’s easy to manipulate people who trust you (I would know). It just never crossed my mind how much he might have been hiding.

Of course, looking back on it all; the music, his insistence he not be idolized, how he’d repeat to us that he wasn’t a good person, that he hates the things he’s done and how he’s treated people. Of course this was the way it would end. Of course it was all going to come crashing down like this.

And I’ve definitely taken this too personally. All of this, it’s reminded me so much of the person I used to be, the person I still see glimpses of in the mirror now and again, reflected in my behavior and relationships. A part of myself I’ve worked hard to purify, but can’t seem to scrub completely clean. A stain on my being I’ll never be able to wash out.

And it’s also made me sort of afraid for myself in a way, that no matter how hard I try I’ll end up falling back on old habits. Like somehow this man’s folly undoes all of my progress. As though he’s a snapshot of my own dark future, or a possibility of what it might look like anyway.

This is, of course, a completely irrational fear. Just because I thought we were similar doesn’t mean I’m going to turn out the same way. But my fears have never been rational, and I can tell it might take me some time to shake this one.

I hope Shelby is doing a lot better than I am. This must feel incredibly cathartic for her, and I hope she gets the peace she needs. I hope no one ever hurts her again.

#bee buzzes #personal #wilbur situation #cw abuse discussion #cw mental illness discussion

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explodingsaturn · 1 year

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that awkward moment when u talk abt smth vulnerable and throw in a 'yk it was fun' at the end to dilute the convo but it was NOT fun and u have just confused and horrified everyone u were talking to

#cw #tw #this was abt me discussing r/pe w a friend #it was. a moment (bad one)#tw selfhate #tw self destructive thoughts #self h@te #tw vent #tw rap3 #tw sa #tw sa mention #actually ptsd #actually mentally ill #actually traumatized #actually cptsd #abuse survivor #abuse cw

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zaneswhite · 2 years

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Shouldn’t we be renaming NPD? I keep seeing “you use the word Narcissist to mean self centered, you’re ableist”and it…confuses me? I guess? Where did you think the word came from?

It’s not like the word bipolar where it’s a neutral word with a neutral origin that people misuse so much, neurotypicals now go around spreading misinformation about what BPD is. We even use ASPD instead of psychopath.

Narcissist is a word with permanently negative origins. It literally came from a cautionary tale where the moral was “vanity is dangerous” and the main character named Narcissus was a self centered asshole. His name was always meant to have a stigma.

Like, shouldn’t we be blaming physicians for using a word that was meant to be negative and derogatory and turning it into a medical diagnosis? I’m genuinely not looking for a fight. Maybe a discussion, I’m just confused?

#mental illness #tw ableism #ableist language cw #medical discussion #I guess?#npd stigma #discourse #zizi doesn’t shut up

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depressionfactor · 2 years

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So I binged tonight and on the way to the bathroom I stopped. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to spend an inordinate amount of time hunched over a toilet hating myself so much. I have to rise above that self hatred. I know that I’m broken but I at least have to want to be whole again and I’m taking this first step by not purging tonight.

I hope that I can eat tomorrow and I hope that I can at least try to take care of my body. I hate the way I feel about myself. I can espouse fat positivity but half the time those are empty words, promises of love for other people that aren’t me because deep down the thought of gaining weight scares and disgusts me. I know that a lot of that has to do with how I was raised, but there’s so much that comes down to a choice inside me to engage disordered eating behaviors and internalized fat-shaming.

Enough is enough. No more.

#tw ed discussion #eating disorder #cw anorexia #tw bulemia #pro recovery #enough is enough #mental illness

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in-its-code · 1 year

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<! popgoes memories is not canon to this blog and I'm only mentioning this now bc I was reminded of how baffled I am by the choice to call blackrabbit the 'primary antagonist' of pogoes. like, sure, I guess in the sense that she's the only one who can actually kill you, she's the main threat, but the actual antagonist with a story presence is simon. and don't tell me that exposition about her counts as story presence; she never says anything, not even in a flashback. >

#<! also (cw for discussion of mental illness) the fact that her main cited motivation is... suicidal ideation.... I don't even know-#-how I could portray that even somewhat tastefully .... >#developer notes \\ ooc #<! in theory it could be interesting ?? but I am not the creature to write that >#<! and To Be Honest. I do not trust the team to be the ones to write that either. I Hope this is left in the archive and retconned >

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vintagemiserie · 1 year

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John woke with an acute feeling that there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room. He was damn near hyperventilating within just seconds, gently extracting himself from Daniel’s unconscious grasp just so he could breathe. It still wasn’t enough, not really, so he pulled himself out of bed and stood up, maybe hoping to just let his lungs open up a little. He opened the window, just a crack. It was raining outside. He crouched and let his head lean against the windowsill, hoping his heart would stop racing.

Back home he would have been able to lean over his boyfriend and push the window open, rather than get out of bed entirely. It was an annoying quirk of the apartment, that and the lack of any lawn. He was just waiting for the band to get a little bigger, then he and Daniel could break their lease and buy one of the houses they’d been looking at.

God, he was so homesick. It was pathetic. They had only been in the apartment for a couple months, only a 10 minute drive from home, yet he was more homesick than he was when couchsurfing after gigs on the other side of the country.

Movement caught the corner of John’s eye, making him sit up. It was just Daniel, of course it was. Didn’t change the prey nerves that dictated John’s subconsciousness.

“Hey,” Daniel murmured. With his eyes not yet adjusted to the early morning darkness, he groped the nightstand until finding his glasses. “Why are…” he couldn’t find the words for the rest of the question.

“Needed fresh air,” John said. Say it felt like a gasp, but it really wasn’t at all. What a fucking nutcase, he thought to himself. “Mm, when we get a house we need a backyard—I miss grass.”

“Okay,” Daniel said through a yawn. He didn’t sound awake enough to have really understood what John meant, but that was okay.

Daniel had already sat up a bit, to get his glasses and inspect John, but apparently it wasn’t enough. He pushed the covers off of him and stood. John, heart and breathing starting to return to normal, stood in return. They looked at each other for a few moments, silent, awkward, exhausted.

“Hey, we haven’t really, y’know… how’ve you been doing since you dropped out?” Daniel asked. “I know you have the—the thing next week, but I still…”

“Yeah,” John said. The thing was an actual fucking therapy appointment, the first one in years, one that he probably should have set up a year or two ago. The band was doing well enough that he didn’t need an art degree, not if the label kept promoting them, but when he had a semester of C’s and D’s the year prior, before knowing whether or not a degree would still be worthwhile, he should have given himself an intervention and gone to therapy. Better late than never. “It’s like half of me is relieved, and the other half of me thinks I’ve destroyed my life, right? It’s always so irrational, but it’s so hard not to listen to,” he explained.

Daniel nodded. He prepared himself for a usual, poorly-worded anecdote where Daniel empathized via his social struggles, but it didn’t come. “So, so you’re doing okay?” He moved just barely and his eyes caught a dim reflection of a streetlamp outside. His eyes were so big, so pretty. They made John want to weep.

“You know you can just ask if I’m feeling suicidal. And I’m not,” he half-lied. It was always there, always in the back of his mind, always an escape option. But that wasn’t the answer that would make sense to Daniel, it would just confuse and upset him. It was confusing and upsetting for John, really, and that was why he finally bit the bullet and booked an appointment with a professional after, what was it, four years of putting it off.

“Yeah—” Daniel said. He turned his head and the dots of light in his eyes disappeared, darkening everything. It made John want to weep more. “—but I don’t want to say, like, ‘how much do you wanna kill yourself, one to ten?’, right? I’d sound like a bitch.”

John laughed. “But you’re my bitch, so it’s okay,” he said.

Though Daniel’s statement was clearly meant to be serious, it seemed to dawn on him how funny it sounded in retrospect. He had always been such a focused person that his own comedic chops usually went over his head. “Yeah right, big guy,” he said through a giggle. “I’m fucken cold, and you’re the bitch of this relationship, so you need to do something about that problem.”

The suggestion was pretty clear, and John had finally relaxed from whatever made him wake up in the first place. Conceding the argument of exactly who called the shots, John wrapped his arms around Daniel’s waist and pulled him a step backward, into bed.

#my writing #angry young men #drabble #i am so brainrotted i am thinking about them i cant do anything else #this one takes place in like 1990 btw #also some cw for mental illness discussion

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highdefhoetry · 2 months

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how he cares for his mentally ill partner

cw: discussion of mental illness and symptoms, gender neutral reader, fluff

zayne immediately goes into doctor mode as soon as you tell him about your "condition". he researches your diagnosis in depth to better understand your brain and state of mind, as well as the best ways to support you. he diligently checks in on you, always asking how you're feeling and encouraging you to express what's on your mind so you don't get in the habit of bottling things up. nothing you share will ever scare him, even the more "frightening" thoughts you experience. when something's wrong, he does everything in his power to make it right, whether that's hounding your pharmacy to make sure your refills are ready or reminding you when it was time to take your medication. when you have bad mood swings or depressive episodes, he listens to you without judgment, gazing softly into your eyes with nothing but kindness in his own. if you ever lash out at him, he doesn't take it personally. he reassures you as many times as you need, even if it gets repetitive. you will always have your doctor in your corner.

rafayel is a bit confused when you first tell him about your mental illness. he doesn't understand when you say "something is wrong with your brain", because to him, your mind is perfect. he acknowledges your unique struggles, but insists that you are much more than a medical diagnosis or symptoms of an illness. you aren't broken, you aren't too much. you're his beloved, and he is determined to love every part of you, even this so-called "dark" side. he wants to know everything about the way your mind works so that he can be a better partner, whether that's learning your triggers to prevent you from having episodes or figuring out what kind of reassurance you need to feel safe with him. he may get upset sometimes when you lash out at him, but when that happens, he'll remind you that no amount of depression, anxiety, or psychosis will stop him from loving you. you will never have to fear being abandoned again.

xavier doesn't fully understand your condition, but he can relate to your feelings of anxiety and depression. having struggled with those emotions himself, he empathizes with you deeply in a way most other people can't. he never judges or blames you for lashing out; his laid back personality and gentle demeanor help ground you when you feel like you're falling apart. however, he does get upset when you hide your struggles and aren't honest with him about how you feel. you can trust him; you no longer have to bear such heavy burdens on your own. when he can't be there physically, he'll encourage you to self soothe by buying you bubble bath soap or sleepytime tea to relax your nervous system. when he is around and you happen to have an episode, he holds you until the tears subside, wiping them from your cheeks after you've finished crying against his chest. he hates seeing you this way, so he'll do anything to ease some of your pain.

#love and deepspace #lnd xavier #lnd zayne #lnd rafayel #rafayel x reader #zayne x reader #xavier x reader #for my fellow mentally ill babes <3 #they love you no matter what!! <33

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raysrays · 2 months

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Kyojuro x wife Reader where the reader is pregnant but the hormones are getting to her, she needs relief and kyojuro is happy to help her out?

Keeping Control

Kyojuro Rengoku X Pregnant Wife! Reader

18+ Content MDNI🚫

CW: Pregnancy, Pregnancy sex, NSFW Content, Comforting Fluff.

This was my first request and I do apologize for the wait and appreciate any inspiration given! Ill be posting request in the order they are received!! Thank you!

Y/N Perspective

I never saw myself as a control freak or someone overly concerned about my health, so I assumed that starting a family would be one of the most joyous and straightforward experiences of my life.

Prior to becoming pregnant, I really looked into extensive research on cravings, contractions, and the most effective home remedies for a smooth birthing experience. I genuinely believed I had everything under control; there was no doubt in my mind that I wouldn't be fully prepared for this baby.

However, that changed once I actually became pregnant. Despite my thorough preparation, there was one thing I hadn't accounted for: the unpredictable nature of hormones.

As a woman, I've definitely dealt with my fair share of hormonal ups and downs, but let me tell you, nothing quite prepares you for the rapid change of pregnancy.

Now at around six months along, I find myself facing all kinds of challenges, not just physically, but mentally as well. One moment, I'm overwhelmed with sadness and emotion, and the next, I'm bursting with joy and excitement. It's really a whirlwind of emotions at the moment.

But you know what's been amazing? Kyojuro. He has been an unwavering source of support throughout this entire journey. He's been by my side, anticipating my needs and ensuring I'm comfortable at all times. Even when he's not around, he entrusts Senjuro with the task until his return.

Usually, I'm all about being independent and tough, but let me tell you, pregnancy has a way of humbling you. I mean, just one wrong look from Kyojuro and I'm on the verge of tears.

Truth be told, it was Kyo who first brought up starting a family. He's been pretty upfront about it since the early days of our relationship. Actually, he's even mentioned wanting multiple children, which is something I'm still wrapping my head around as I navigate this first pregnancy.

But, I love him, and seeing him happy means the world to me. So, even if it means dealing with all these crazy emotions for nine months, I'm all in.

As I've been navigating my feelings and attempting to rein in my emotional outbursts, I've noticed a new sensation, one that caught me off guard.

I've always loved Kyojuro and been drawn to him, hence wanting to have his children, but recently, it's been different. I find myself incredibly attracted to him. Whenever he's near or touches me, I feel an overwhelming sense of arousal.

When he's away, I find my heart and body aching more than usual, caught in a constant need for him. I thought I was hiding it well until recently...

"Is something bothering you, little flame?" Kyojuro asks, his hands busy with the dishes from our dinner.

"No, I'm quite alright," I reassure him with a smile.

It's been almost a week since Kyojuro returned from a high-profile mission, and I've needed him terribly.

He turns off the water and dries his hands before walking over to me.

Leaning in, he places his forehead against mine.

"You're warm, and your face is quite red. Did you catch a cold while I was away?" he asks, his concern evident.

I shake my head no, grateful that he's mistaken my longing for him as something else.

Though I've discussed these feelings with Shinobu and understand they're natural, I still feel a feeling of embarrassment bringing it up to Kyojuro.

He pulls away, placing his hand lovingly on my cheek.

"I need you to be honest with me, my love. I'm worried about you. You've seemed reserved since I returned home. Did I do something wrong?"

The look in his eyes breaks my heart—it's the exact opposite. The only reason I've kept my distance is because I'm afraid my sudden neediness and desires will freak him out.

I gently take his hand off my face and hold it in mine.

"No, Kyo, you've been nothing but perfect. I've just been struggling lately..."

"Struggling with what, my love? Whatever it is, I'll fix it for you. You don't have to worry about a thing!" he says in his usual, loud, happy tone.

I could feel my face growing even redder at his words. I knew he didn’t understand. I knew his intentions were pure, and yet they made me feel so aroused.

I drop his hand and quickly stand up, needing a moment to collect myself.

Maybe I just needed a second to gather my thoughts, and then I'll be fine.

"Y/N, where are you going?" he calls out to me as I start to walk away.

"I just need some fresh air. I'll be right back," I begin, but I'm cut off by two strong hands firmly holding onto my hips, keeping me in place.

Kyojuro slowly turns me to face him, his expression now more serious.

"Stop avoiding me, little flame. What's gotten into you?" His tone now stern.

Had he done this at any other time, I would have started sobbing uncontrollably, thinking he's angry with me. But right now...

Right now, the way he's looking at me has me feeling desperate.

I squeeze my thighs together tightly, attempting to avoid his intense gaze. If I don't break away soon, I know I'll cave and lose control.

He gently grabs my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. A wide grin spreads across his face.

"It seems like my sweet wife has been hiding something from me. Am I correct?" he says, referencing my trembling legs.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I reply unconvincingly.

He then pulls my face closer, pressing his lips firmly against mine.

In that moment, I feel like my heart is going to burst. I crave more. I need him.

I accidentally let out a small moan against his lips.

He pulls back, a smirk playing on his lips as his hands trail down my sides, circling around my pregnant stomach.

"I didn't realize my poor wife had been feeling so unsatisfied. Please, allow me to assist you with your troubles."

He then scooped me up off my feet, carrying us back to our room at the back of the estate. Being carried like this by him only intensifies my attraction to him.

Feeling his muscles flex as he carries me and the gentle way he lays me on the back of our shared futon

I watch as Kyojuro sits on his knees beside me, his eyes scanning me hungrily.

He's the one who makes the first move, kissing me gently and slipping his tongue into my mouth.

His hands explore my body, eventually making their way under my clothes.

Kyojuro is normally so gentle and loving when we make love.

However, I've noticed a difference in his approach tonight, a subtle change in his demeanor.

"Little flame, you're driving me insane," he mutters into my ear, his lips trailing kisses down my neck.

A shiver runs through me.

"Kyo, I've been trying to tell you, but..."

"Tell me what, my love? Why you've been avoiding me? Or why you’ve been suppressing your desire for me?”

The way he’s talking is so unlike him. And yet, it makes me feel hot all over.

"Kyo, I..."

"Yes, Y/N, tell me."

"I want you."

"Hmm? That's not the answer I'm looking for. Tell me what you really want."

"I want you inside of me," I admit, my voice quiet.

He smiles before moving on top of me, his body hovering over mine.

"See? Was that so hard?" he whispers in my ear before gently biting it softly.

"Please, Kyo, I want you so badly. I can't take it anymore," I beg, grinding against him slightly.

"You've been such a good girl, my flame. Now, be patient, okay?"

I nod, watching him intently.

He gently parts my clothes, revealing my naked pregnant body.

"You're so beautiful, my love."

He leans in, planting small kisses all over my swollen breasts, causing me to squirm underneath him.

"Don't worry, I won't tease you too much."

He moves further down my body, his mouth lingering at my hips.

I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I'm already soaked and desperate for him.

"Please, Kyo," I beg again, my breathing shallow.

He grins before parting my legs and running his fingers through my folds.

"You're so wet. Is this all for me?"

"All for you," I breathe out.

"I seem to have kept you waiting my love, I think it's time to reward you."

"Kyo," I call out to him, unsure if this is all real.

I reach out for him, and he leans into my hand.

"What is it, little flame?"

"I love you, Kyo," I say softly, my voice cracking.

He looks at me, his eyes softening.

"I love you too, Y/N. More than anything."

He then leans forward, and with his eyes locked on mine, he licks my slit.

I let out an unintentionally loud moan, my body shuddering.

"You taste so good.” he praises before continuing.

"Kyojuro please. Don't stop," I plead.

He's devouring me like I'm his favorite meal, his tongue running through my folds before settling on my swollen clit.

He sucks on it, his lips gently grazing the sensitive bud, sending the much needed waves of pleasure through my body.

"You're so amazing, I can't get enough of you," he says before going back to work.

His relentless pace, the way he's moaning as he eats me out, the way he's looking up at me, watching me, is all too much.

"Kyo, I'm going to cum. Please, don't stop."

He wraps his arms around my legs, gripping my ass and pushing my hips down, preventing me from escaping his hold.

"Come for me, Y/N," he commands, his tongue circling my clit.

My mind goes blank, my whole body tensing.

I bite my lip til I can’t hold back anymore.

The sensation is overwhelming, and my orgasm rocks through my body, causing me to convulse.

Kyojuro's arms tighten around me, holding me in place as he continues to eat me out, prolonging the feeling.

"Kyojuro, I can’t." I whine.

"Shh, you're okay. You did so well. Let's try for another, shall we?"

I barely have time to react before he's back at it, sucking and licking my sensitive clit.

"You’re doing so good for me my love."

His words of praise are all it takes for another wave of pleasure to roll over me.

"It's too much!" I cry out, unable to hold back.

He finally pulls away, a smirk on his face.

"You did so good my dear. You took that so well."

He then leans back and starts to undress, his eyes never leaving mine.

"God, I've missed you," he says as he undoes his belt, removing his pants, revealing his hard cock.

He takes it in his hand, pumping himself slowly.

"Look at what you've done, little flame. Do you see how good you make me feel?"

"Kyojuro, I've missed you so much."

"I'm all yours, my flame. Just say the word."

"Please, Kyo. Please, fuck me."

He leans in, kissing me passionately before lining his cock up with my entrance.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, I can't wait any longer."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

He slides his cock inside of me, letting out a deep groan as he does.

"You're so tight, Y/N."

Once he's fully inside of me, he pauses, giving me a moment to adjust to his size.

"You feel so good."

"So do you." I breath out.

He begins thrusting, slow and deep.

"Fuck, I've missed this so much. You feel so good."

I felt myself clench around him at his words. Kyojuro doesn’t usually curse but when he does it’s so hot.

He's breathing heavily, his muscles flexing with each thrust.

"You're doing so well, Y/N. You’re already getting me so close.”

He groans, his cock twitching inside of me.

"You're so good, Y/N. You're driving me crazy."

"Please, Kyo. Please."

"You're such a good girl, begging for me."

He pounds into me, his hips slamming against mine.

"I'm gonna cum, my love."

"Do it, Kyo, please."

He grunts, his cock pulsing inside of me, his seed filling me up.

He collapses on the futon next to me, both of us breathless.

"How are you feeling, little flame? I wasn’t too rough with you, was I?" He places a hand on top of my stomach, rubbing it gently.

"I feel so much better now, Kyo. Thank you." I plant a small kiss on his cheek as he pulls me closer, holding me tight.

"You know you don’t have to hide your feelings from me, sunflower. I'll always be here to love and support you, no matter what you need. You're carrying my child, let me ease your body whenever you wish."

I feel him running his fingers through my hair, planting small kisses on my forehead.

Now that I've finally let out all those pent-up emotions, I feel utterly exhausted. All I want to do is lay here in his arms until the baby arrives.

Then, I'm sure I'll be more than ready to give him another one.

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dabivrse · 1 month

Text

scrap metal ♡ (frobin)

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

genre: hurt/comfort

pairings: nico robin x franky

wc: 2.2k

cw: mental illness, depression, body dysmorphia, dysphoria (but like cyborg dysphoria), comfort, angst, fluff, suggestive references, self harm, franky feels less than human

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

I know x reader tends to do better on this app but I deeply adore frobin and I've always thought about the idea of franky struggling with his humanity. Its been a headcanon of mine since he was properly introduced.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Franky could never understand people who didn't have an inner monologue. His brilliant mind runs a hundred miles a minute; he's always got something to think about. He internally discusses future inventions and ship-building plans or sings to himself while he works. He spends most of his time thinking about his Nico Robin. He replays the day she said yes to being his partner in his head daily; he could spend hours thinking about her hair and smile. The mere thought of her tears fills Franky with a deep-seated rage. All she has to do is look at him, and he's on cloud nine.

Franky is in his development room, working on a new weapon design, when the door creaks open. He looks up to see Robin making her way over to where he's standing by his desk.

“Hello, pretty lady,” he says, his voice raising in volume as his mood picks up instantly upon seeing the woman he loves. Robin giggles at the affectionate term and stretches up on her tiptoes to kiss the underside of Franky's jaw.

“Hello, Honey.” One of Franky's large hands settles around her waist to keep her at his side. Thinking about Robin when she's not with him, his emotions run high, but when she's in his arms, he's completely relaxed and able to enjoy her company without wandering fears of losing her literally or figuratively. He leans down and pushes his face into her neck; the cold of his metal nose makes her flinch at first, but once she adjusts to the feeling, she threads a hand through his hair and lets out a happy sigh as Franky presses his lips to her skin. He's wary of how much bigger than Robin he is and hurting her is an unforgivable sin, so he's gentle with his affection. He might be gentle, but he's still a pervert, so when his palm opens up to reveal a smaller hand that dips into the waistband of Robin's skirt, she tugs his hair to get him to lean back and look her in the eyes. She presses a kiss to his lips, which he happily reciprocates. “As handsome and tempting as you are, you need to behave. Anybody could walk in.”

She's right - of course, she is - Usopp, Chopper and Nami are all frequent visitors to Franky's workshop. He nods at her words, flushing red at the compliments. The compliments he's used to refer exclusively to how cool and ‘inhuman’ he looks. People tell him how talented he is as a shipwright and inventor in general, but anything regarding his looks comes off more as someone talking about a suped-up car than a human being. It's the one thing he can't get used to in his relationship with Robin. He knows she's not lying to him and that she really does find him attractive, but he still can't grasp how different it feels to be desired. He's completely prideful and not at all shy when he's pleasing her. In the bedroom, he's fully confident, but something as sweet and innocent as a kiss on the cheek has him so shell-shocked that he can barely speak.

“So, how come my beautiful angel came to visit me?” Franky asks after clearing his throat and going back to staring at his blueprints. Robin cheerfully laughs at the pet name. Franky has asked her how she really felt about all his dramatic names for her, and she had told him that they make her feel special; she had also made a morbid comment under her breath about how they'd add to an emotional yet creative eulogy for her one day and Franky had pretended not to hear it.

“I wanted to make sure you're getting enough food and cola”, she smiles, kissing the left side of his chest. Robin places a plate of food down on the desk, and he guesses Sanji had dished up dinner and Franky had been so focused on his getting some work done that he hadn't heard the cooks call for food over his inner argument over what size gun to add to his robot. He thanks Robin and begins to eat. When he's finished with his food, Robin picks up the plate and leaves, promising him she'll visit later as she goes.

Franky is once again left alone with his thoughts.

As he's working, his reflection in a mirror leaning against the wall catches his eye and Franky flinches. Sometimes, he forgets what he looks like and seeing a huge cyborg as flashy as him is jarring. He has to remind himself he's not a little child anymore; he's something way cooler. He goes back to his work and tries to ignore the thoughts that begin to swarm him. His eyes keep getting drawn to the metal on his body. He recalls how earlier Robin had flinched at the cold metal of his nose and how difficult it is sometimes just to hold her without fear he'll hurt her. Sometimes, he thinks she would be better off with someone who can keep her warm at night, like Jinbe or maybe someone younger and more conventionally attractive, like Zoro or Law. Franky is a brash and loud man, but deep in the pits of his heart, there still lies the broken, abandoned kid. The feelings of worthlessness that took over his body as a child never truly left him; even after he tried over and over again to replace them with metal.

His smaller hands shake as he finishes his food and pushes his plate away. He tries to pick up his pen and write again, but he can't focus at all. His initial plans have taken a backseat to the unrelenting self-doubt that he tries to keep locked away behind his smile. He pushes on with his work, absent-mindedly scribbling down plans for a self-upgrade. He doesn't realise he's crying until the door handle clicks and snaps him back to his senses. Now he's acutely aware that he's crying and that one of his crewmates is about to see him. Franky's manly tears aren't unheard of, so he's able to play it off to usopp, who has come to ask about weapon materials, as simply inventing something so cool it's made him emotional. Usopp laughs, tells Franky he can't wait to see it and leaves after getting the advice he'd requested. The tears leave Franky feeling off-kilter for the rest of the day.

Later that night, Franky is entirely unable to sleep. He tries to focus on Robin, who's sleeping beside him and matches her breathing, but it doesn’t work. He shifts around to get comfortable and rests a large hand on Robin's waist, and then it all comes crashing down. That hand is not a human hand. When you press his metal nose, it changes his hair, and that's not human anatomy. His stomach has an empty chamber that uses cola as a fuel, and that's not human. He has weaponry built into his body, and that's not human. Franky is not human.

He makes a strangled noise as if he's gasping for air, and he scrambles to his feet. The noise wakes Robin, and she asks what's wrong, voice laced with concern. Franky doesn't notice she's awake, and he can't hear her question over the uncomfortable ringing in his ears. He makes his way out to the deck, ignoring the worried expressions of Nami and Usopp, who are still awake. He can't verbally describe how he feels, but he reaches to his shoulder, where metal meets skin, and begins to claw. His fingers dent the metal with force, and he only stops when a hand much larger than his covers his and stops his movements. He looks up and sees Robin has used her power. She leans down to where he's knelt on the deck and when she comes into view, Franky notices she has tears in his eyes. He can hear Nami crying behind him and sees Usopp shaking out of the corner of his eye. A new feeling stirs in his gut that makes him feel ten times worse.

He feels guilty for upsetting them. He apologises, but Robin shushes him, cradling his face in her hands. The gentle care with which she approaches him is enough to kick-start the waterworks and Franky is once again reduced to tears. He sobs so hard it causes a sharp pain in his chest. Robin shoos away the younger strawhats and promises to give them an update later. It's now just the two of them and Franky slumps forward, burying his face into Robin's shoulder. His tears haven't subsided, but he starts to apologise before he can stop himself. He repeats ‘I'm sorry’, and though Robin's skin muffles the sound, she can hear him fine and well.

“What are you apologising for, sweetheart? What's wrong?” asks Robin, wiping his tears with her thumbs, and she holds his face to look at her. Franky flounders for an answer, struggling to find his voice. Robin is patient as always and gives him a moment to collect himself.

He doesn't know what to say. How can he tell her he feels alien, like a passenger in his own body? That his ‘skin’ doesn't feel like it belongs on his body. He doesn't know how to explain how nauseous the sight of his own ‘body’ has been making him feel without sounding crazy. Robin is an understanding woman, but how much can she take?

“I feel more like a box of scrap metal than a human”, he says, cringing at how raspy and unsure his voice sounds. Robin remains silent, expression unchanging as she listens to his explanation. “I just wanted to get out of this ugly body. I didn't mean to scare you or the kids”, he says. He tries to avert his eyes despite Robin's hold on his face. He worries he's upset Robin further, but she leans forward to press a kiss to his forehead.

“First of all, I'm not scared of you, and neither are Nami and Usopp. We're just worried about you because we love you.” she says, moving a hand from his face to run it through his hair. “Secondly, your body is not ugly. You're my Franky and I like you just the way you are.” Her voice wraps around the violent words in his mind and strangles them out, easing his mind slightly. “I'm not going to pretend that I understand your pain, but I do know how it feels to be shunned, and I want you to know that will never happen to you here with us.”

Franky listens intently as Robin speaks. Her words don't take away his pain, but they at least calm him down. The strange, itchy feeling under his skin eases up and he relaxes in Robin's embrace. He kisses her neck and whispers a thank you in her ear. She's patient with him as he lets her comforting words repeat in his head. His tears have stopped, but there's still one question bothering him, and he's unsure if it's appropriate to ask right now. Sensing that he has something to say, Robin encourages him to speak up.

“Do you ever consider leaving me? Like don't you want someone more attractive like -” This time, instead of being patient and letting him finish, Robin cuts him off with a scoff, shuffling so she's sitting in his lap.

“You look at me right now, silly man,” she says, guiding him to look in her eyes. “I love you, I want you, I need you,” she says. Surprisingly, it's the word ‘want’ that gets him the most. It's not that Robin needs Franky around to fulfil some type of urge but simply that she wants to spend time with him. They like each other just as much as they love each other, and the reassurance makes Franky's stomach stir for an entirely different reason. “and there is no one as attractive as you. You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen,” she punctuates her sentence with a kiss to his lips. Franky feels much better now.

“What about Jinbe?” Franky asks to lighten the mood. It's common knowledge that Robin had a crush on Jinbe at first (so did Franky, but he'll never admit it)

“Hey! You like him too. We invited him into the bedroom once. You're my man forever,” she says, laughing into another kiss. They're sitting in silence for a while when Robin starts to yawn. “Now that you're feeling better. Do you want to go to bed?” she says, covering his cheeks in more kisses. Franky gets to his feet, scooping Robin up and carrying her off to bed

When Franky wakes up the following day, Robin is pressed up against his side and he feels at peace. As if she can sense him staring at her, Robin opens her eyes for a second, then smiles and goes back to sleep, snuggling further into his side. Franky feels content as he relaxes into the mattress. For now, his unsure feelings have subsided, and he feels more like himself. He knows they're likely to come again, but he also knows he'll have Robin and the rest of his family to help him.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

frobin is so cute to me so I just wanted to write a cute comfort oneshot about them 😭

#franky my beloved ☹️#one piece #frobin #franky #robin #cyborg franky #nico robin #franky x robin #one piece oneshots #one piece imagine #anime #franky imagine #robin imagine #frobin imagine #frobin oneshot #op #☁️.one piece #☁️.robin #☁️.franky

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abiiors · 7 months

Text

hot chocolate ☕ // matty healy x reader

promptober '23 - day 19

a/n: for all my girlies with the big sad, the cold months approach :/ cw: discussions of mental health, mentions of depression wc: 1.1k

matty has a pit of worry in his stomach. he’s had it for about two days now, for as long as the house has been unusually quiet. he’s alone in their dimly lit kitchen, barely any sunlight streaming in. whatever manages to sneak in through the parting of the clouds, gets diluted by the sheets of rain falling from the sky.

it’s dull and grey. exactly the kind of weather she hates.

matty gives the brewing pot of coffee another look and decides on abandoning it.

he knows what he will see when he walks into the bedroom—she will be in bed, in the same three day old pyjamas, messy and unbrushed hair, “taking a nap”. not that he cares about how she looks. it’s just the niggling pit that doesn’t let him sit still.

“darling?” he calls from the door, watching for any signs of movement under the duvet. “you awake yet?”

she should be, he thinks to himself. it’s nearly noon. he wants to make them some lunch but she doesn’t move, doesn’t reply to his question. matty gnaws on his bottom lip and walks in.

“i’m making something for lunch…” he says again, sitting by her side of the bed and resting a hand on her back. matty knows she’s not asleep. her breaths are nowhere near deep and even.

“i know you’re awake,” he says softly, moving his hand to her forehead, checking for any signs of an illness just in case. but deep down he knows the illness is not physical.

when matty threads his fingers through her hair, it’s not the usual soft and smooth strands he’s met with. his fingers get caught up in the greasy knots, accidently pulling on some hair. she winces.

“go away, matty, ‘m not hungry,” she mumbles into the pillow, voice feeble and barely audible. “‘m sleepy.”

he tuts. it’s a lie—if he’s right, and he suspects he is, she hasn’t properly slept in days, tossing and turning at night. and yet she has left the bed only a handful of times in the last few days.

he’s tried giving her space, to let her sort things out on her own because that’s usually what she prefers. but he draws the line at skipping meals.

“sleep after lunch,” he counters, and goes to draw the duvet off her.

it’s not even a moment later that matty fliches, appalled when she slaps away his hand.

“i said i’m not hungry!” she snaps, turning away from him, cocooning herself further, shut off from him, from the world.

he stills and for a moment the only sound in the room is that of the rain hammering against the window. it’s haphazard, nowhere near a soothing beat. this rain sounds more like an anxious heartbeat—loud, odd and out of sync.

then he hears the sniffle and his heart breaks.

“baby…” he approaches again, trying to at least slide the duvet off her face. “hey, look at me please.”

he doesn’t care that she snapped at him or slapped his hand away. right now, he cares that something is deeply wrong, and he’s ready to beg if that means she’d tell him.

“g-go away, matty,” she tries again, tries so hard not to let her voice waver or crack and yet he hears it.

matty decides enough is enough, and pulls the duvet off her entirely.

her pyjama top is wrinkled and bunched up around her waist, and if he’s being honest, she smells a little bit but he can take care of that later. showers and perfumes and oils can wait. everything else in the world can wait.

“i won't,” he declares firmly. “now you can either keep fighting me or you can tell me what’s wrong. either way, i’m staying right here.”

she looks at him through dull eyes that widen slightly with every word, jaw clenched to keep her chin from wobbling even as her eyes turn pink first, then watery until the tears fall one by one. matty doesn’t shush her, he just quietly pulls her into his chest, letting her cry it out.

“i’m so cold…” she says after a few minutes. her voice is already hoarse, a whispery shadow of what it’s like on the good days. today it’s barely more than a squeak. “so cold. all the time. i just…i’m just so tired, i can’t. i don’t know what to do. and whatever i do, i can’t g-get, can’t get warm.”

she breaks into another round of tears by the time she’s done—loud, gut-wrenching sobs that break his heart but he lets her be. his only job is to be there and hold her. he just needs to be the sun.

“i know what will help,” matty mumbles into her hair, pressing a small kiss to her head. “give me two minutes?”

and he does return two minutes later as promised. matty practically makes a mad dash to and from the kitchen, balancing the mugs in his hands and his socks sliding on the wooden floors around the corner. but the liquid in them stays unscathed.

“there we go,” he announces as soon as he’s back in the bedroom. a tiny pang goes through his chest when he sees her sitting up in bed, arms hugging her middle. she looks small, smaller than he’s ever seen her. but there’s a miniscule spark of curiosity in her eyes.

he’ll take that spark. he’ll nurture and rekindle it.

“chef matty’s hot chocolate,” he presents it with a flourish smiling at her raised eyebrow.

“i know you said you weren’t hungry and you were cold. so i thought this would be a good compromise?”

for a moment she doesn’t say anything, only takes the mug from him and cradles it close, lets the steam waft over her face. hot chocolate won’t do anything for a cold that goes bone-deep. but it’s a start. he can do the rest of the work.

“take a sip?” he nudges, sitting back in the same spot as before. he brings his own mug up to his mouth, nudging her to mimic him. together they drink their first sip.

instant sweetness floods his mouth, comforting warmth creeping down his throat and settling into his stomach. he can only hope it does the same for her.

and he will be there for the rest of it. for all the cold days that come after this.

lemme know what you think <33

taglist: @scooby-doodoo, @partoftheairforce, @justgoatsbreakinghearts0855@beachesgetpeaches, @you-muppet, @mcabister, @alexmarie29, @at-her-very-foreign, @hfkait, @squishysoupy@sierraeslaprincesa@harrie-fic-center @alien-girl-violet@thereisaplaceintheheart @kennedy-brooke @lolidontknowanymore @theoriginalwhatsername@celestcies@sugarkane1001 @ari-turner @thewaywewereinsaigon @daphnesutton @beliefandsayingsomething @ros3chu @nothingrevealedeverythingdenied @zzzhealy @mattymybeloved @fck-off @indiaamars

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#tw: mental health #promptober75 #the 1975 #matty healy #matty healy x reader #matty healy x you #matty x you #matty x reader #matty healy hurt/comfort #hurt/comfort #tw: depression #ross macdonald #george daniel #adam hann #the 1975 hurt/comfort #the 1975 fic

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jaskierx · 6 months

Note

[CW for discussion of severe mental illness (PTSD) and suicide]

I want to add my perspective to the conversation about canyon people picking and choosing which disability rep is worth telling. It’s really offensive to me because I’m mentally disabled so it feels like these people are glossing over the mental illness rep in the show.

I hesitate because i do not want to seem like I’m chastising people for acknowledging the physical disability rep. OFMD has better physical disability rep than any show I’ve seen, while I’ve seen many shows with mentally ill characters. I also do not want to give credit where credit is not due, because ultimately these characters don’t have any diagnosed mental disabilities. However, I don’t think that that subtracts from the representation because 1)the show obviously takes place before many mental health diagnoses that we have now did,2) even if those diagnoses did exist, the crew would not be able to access them, and 3) I think the show is clearly trying to tell us that characters are suffering from PTSD, or at the very least struggling to process a traumatic event, they just don’t have the words to describe it as such.

Many characters exhibit what would today be classified as symptoms of a psychiatric disorder. In this fandom we often joke about that, especially Ed’s (which is more than okay), but I also want to appreciate the way that season 2 deals with the trauma of the kraken era. They freak out and have flashbacks over blindfolds and birthday cakes because of what they’ve been through. They have interpersonal conflicts due to differing ways of processing the trauma and not seeing eye to eye on each others own unique experience (Lucius and Pete come to mind). Lucius takes up smoking to cope with the pain. Ed dissociates (I think, because he doesn’t remember wanting to have a talent show) and is literally suicidal, first passively (“you mean curl up into a ball and die?”) and then actively (the whole storm thing). He also turns to using drugs to self medicate.

Anyway sorry for the novel I just wanted to add my perspective because this show means a lot to me as someone who’s mentally disabled and I want to know if anyone else with a mental disability feels the same/differently.

no don't apologise this is a really good point!

i've posted about it a few times and so has glam and several other people whose links i don't have to hand but the depiction of ed's mental illness and his suicidality is fucking spot on and the show absolutely deserves all the praise it gets for that

especially because it's quite possibly the first show i've ever seen that depicts suicidality in a way that manages to be accurate without being pitying and manages to be hopeful without romanticising the issue. the show brings ed to his lowest point and then shows him being helped to come back from that by people who love him. it tells us that there's always a way for things to get better and that you can get there by yourself but it's easier if you have help, and it tells us that this help is available because there is always going to be someone waiting for you even if you doubt that. it never shows ed as 'cured'. it never shows stede being angry with ed for his symptoms. when lucius suggests that ed might just be 'broken', stede very quickly shuts him down and the show makes it clear that the narrative is on stede's side here.

and all of this just doesn't get brought up by izzy stans. discussion of mental illness portrayal tends to be one of the following:

ignoring ed's arc altogether to focus on izzy's suicide attempt and his 'i want to go' line while he's on his deathbed (and in a massively different place to where he was in s2e2) and using this to pretend that the show's message is 'disabled queer people deserve to die' (yes unfortunately this is a take i have seen with my own two eyes)

writing ed's arc off as an example of 'magic dick' and using this to pretend that he was fine as soon as he got stede back

ignoring ed's arc completely and instead insisting that he's a violent serial killer and abuser with anger issues who traumatised the crew and will inevitably physically abuse stede and kill all their inn's customers

ignoring all portrayals of mental illness completely because they will deliberately downplay the disability of every other disabled character in order to centre izzy

the canyon will bend over backwards to centre izzy and to view the entire show through a lens where he is their longsuffering protagonist who can do no wrong and it's led them to ignore so much of what makes the show great

#sorry i wrote you a novel in return lmao #asks #anon #the izcourse #fandom critical #cw suicide #cw suicidal ideation #lyse.jpg

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sunshinegat0r · 11 months

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This one is completely self-indulgent for me to make myself feel better. Recovering from surgery is hard, and it’s okay to cry about it and let yourself feel shitty! And then pour all your feelings into a comfort fic with your fave and toss it into the void! I promise it’s softer than the content warnings make it seem. I've been staring at this all weekend and I'm ready to let it go. :)

Scars ~ Zoro x GN!Reader

CW: Body dysphoria, discussion of medical issues, surgery, illness, scarring. Reader is GN but one gendered term is used at the end (girl). WC: 1,859

Music played softly in the room you and Zoro shared on the Sunny, the phonograph giving it a fuzzy quality. It was a subtle backdrop to your sniffles as you cried quietly on the bed, a stuffed animal clutched tightly to your chest, tears dripping steadily onto its plush head. Other items littered the modest room, gifts from your friends and crew mates to distract or help you through the recovery process. The phonograph was from Brook, the plush from Nami - Robin had, of course, given you plenty of books to read in bed. Sanji kept you well-supplied with soft foods, easy to swallow, whenever you had enough appetite to eat them. Usopp and Franky had even teamed up to build an attachment for your bed that adjusted the angle of the mattress so you could easily sit up. All of these physical signs of their love helped make the bedroom feel less like a prison and more like a safe nest during the weeks since your surgery.

Although staying cooped up anywhere for so long would doubtless be a drain on your mental health. There wasn’t a porthole in the room so you weren’t even sure what time of day it was. Since you could hear muffled shouts through the thick wood of the deck above, you assumed it was daytime - Luffy was probably up to something, maybe pulling Usopp and Chopper into his antics. You thought it had been long enough since your last attempt at a meal that Sanji would be sending something down - hopefully with Zoro, you weren’t feeling strong enough to face anyone else right now.

Sure enough, the bedroom door soon swung open, revealing a shirtless green-haired man balancing a tray of food on one hand. You dragged your gaze up to meet his. The feelings that skipped through your heart were relief… and a little bit of guilt and shame. That he had to see you this way. That you couldn’t get it together and relieve some of the burdens in your relationship he had taken on while you were recovering from the surgery.

Not that he would ever voice any complaints about your situation. Zoro gave you everything you asked for and more with a tender stoicism that you tried to ground yourself with. He was there when you woke up coughing in the middle of the night, bringing you ice chips. He massaged your calf muscles, sore after spending weeks in bed. He even tried to keep the rest of the Strawhats from pestering you too much - although you knew they were just worried about you (you think he even growled at Brook once when the musician wouldn’t leave you alone).

Now, Zoro took in your dull stare and disheveled state, slipping into the room and gently closing the door behind him. Frowning, he crossed the small space quickly and set the tray onto your crowded bedside table. Your lover crouched in front of you, taking hold of your hands, pulling them towards him. This loosened your grip on the stuffed toy and it fell to the side, bouncing onto the floor, revealing your chest and neck.

“What’s wrong? Does it hurt anywhere?” Zoro asked you briskly but not unkindly. His eye danced across your body, checking for any bleeding or other abnormalities. Chopper had told him a few things to look out for in these next few weeks, but he didn’t see any signs of them. Finding none he relaxed slightly and met your gaze as you shook your head the tiniest amount.

Slowly you raised your head to stare at the wall behind him, straightening your bruised and scarred neck, baring it to the swordsman. It looked different than the last time he had checked on you, more pink and somewhat cleaner.

You cleared your throat, cheeks red with embarrassment, and in a small voice told him, “The glue was starting to peel a lot, so I started picking at a corner, and then… I couldn’t help myself once it started, and I peeled the whole thing off. Chopper said it would start to flake off around now anyways…” You couldn’t make yourself look at his expression. Closed your eyes as you spoke. “It didn’t hurt, but when I looked in the mirror afterwards, I- I had gotten so used to seeing it the way it was. And now it looks so different, and-” Fresh tears rolled down your cheeks, thick and fast. You felt ridiculous. Zoro’s grip on you tightened, his thumbs starting to rub soothing circles on the back of your hands.

You took a deep breath, unable to stop crying but trying to steady yourself. “It’s so much more raised than I was expecting it to be, so much more… obvious,” you whispered. “My skin feels weird and it’s just freaking me out, and once I started crying, I just… I just-”

“Shhh,” Zoro hushed you gently, rising from the floor and gathering you into his arms as your tears turned into sobs once again. He didn’t say anything beyond making comforting noises and hums, letting you feel them rumble through his chest. His arms were strong around you, his body emitting a steady warmth that seeped into your cold limbs, warming you to your core. He let you cry yourself out, releasing all of your panic, sorrow, frustration from the past few weeks. Frustration with how slow the recovery process was. With how it felt like every time you took a couple steps forward, you took even more back again. At how you sometimes felt like a stranger in your own body. Zoro held you as you hiccuped your way through all of your emotions, providing a solid sense of stability for you to anchor yourself. One arm always remained firmly around you but the other slowly trailed caresses down your back, sending distracting and calming sensations through your body.

Finally your tears subsided and you lifted your head from his chest, heavy and exhausted. “Hey,” he whispered as his brown eye met your puffy ones.

“Hi,” you mumbled back, indulging in a long blink when he leaned in to press a loving kiss to your forehead. “I’m sorry I’m being such a baby about this-”

Zoro sternly says your name, exasperated. “You just had major surgery not even one month ago. Your body is healing, but your mind has to heal too. You need to give it the time it needs.”

“You’re one to talk,” you mutter. “How many times has Chopper said the exact same thing to you? And how many times have you listened?”

Zoro grinned at you, the expression lifting your mood more than anything else. “Don’t act like we’re the same,” he teased. “Besides, I give my body exactly enough time to heal before I start training again.”

“Bullshit!” you squawk indignantly, slapping a hand weakly against his chest. He chuckled at your protest but didn’t argue back. With your hand on his bare skin, you let him distract you from your malaise a little more. “…Where’s your shirt?”

He grunted, nodding his head to the side table. You saw a rumpled shirt you hadn’t noticed before next to the tray of food he had brought in. “Luffy was pigging out, as usual, and spilled a whole plate on me. I was going to work out after I checked on you anyways, figured I didn’t need it.”

You deflated at the thought of being left alone again so soon. The soothing tones from the phonograph wended their way to your ears, filtering through now that you had calmed down somewhat. You looked up at the swordsman, hesitant but hopeful. “Zoro… Would you dance with me? Please?”

And how could he resist when you asked so sweetly? Wetness still clung to your lashes and, despite the redness, your eyes sparkled when you looked at him. He couldn’t believe you thought yourself weak when, when Zoro looked at you, he saw the strongest person he’d ever met. The path from illness to diagnosis to treatment to, finally, recovery, had been such a whirlwind. And yet you’d still found moments to smile and laugh, to comfort him when his own paranoia got the best of him, when he struggled with being unable to protect you from your disease. When he felt that he wasn’t strong enough.

Unable to deny you anything, Zoro slowly stood from the bed, pulling you with him, never letting you leave the circle of his arms. The music drifted from one song to another, perfect for swaying together. Nimble on his feet during a fight, Zoro was all lefts when it came to dancing anything more complicated than a shuffle. You didn’t mind in this moment, too pleasantly surprised that he agreed without protest and tired from crying to move much yourself.

Your arms wrapped around his waist and you laid your head back against his chest, fitting in neatly right under his chin. You could hear his heart beating steadily, a metronome in your ear, and tried to match yours to it. He rested his head on top of yours and lazily started to sway with you. His grip was firm and protective, holding you close. The bedside lamp glowed with a cozy yellow light that made everything fuzzy - perfectly matched to the phonograph’s crackle. The world seemed to be slowing down to give you a chance to breathe.

His golden earrings chimed softly as he spoke, keeping his chin planted on the crown of your head. “Thought you’d trust my word when it comes to stuff like this. I’ve got plenty of experience with scars.” His tone was teasing, but it did give you pause.

With your face directly on his pectoral it was hard not to look at the giant scar that roped across his body. You brought your hand around to trace curious fingertips along it. Zoro wasn’t exactly one for any type of special skincare, so his scars all went untreated once the bandages were removed. No skin strips to lower them, no creams to make them more subtle or blend with his skin. And he had so many of them - his chest, of course, and his eye, but also scattered across his arms and legs. Each one was a story that he had survived. That he had succeeded in protecting what was important to him, and come out stronger for it.

Zoro continued to rock you as your fingers roamed. He could feel when you finally gathered your tumbling thoughts, your body tensing and relaxing as you let out a long breath of air.

“Well, at least it’s not on my back,” you finally stated, voice wobbling, halfway between joking and serious.

The swordsman raised an eyebrow at that before a laugh burst out of him, startling you from his chest. He cupped your cheek with one large hand, leaning down to brush his lips against yours. It’s like his smile transferred from him to you because you were wearing a slight grin when he pulled away. Zoro knocked his forehead against yours, still smiling proudly as he murmured, “That’s my girl.”

Tag List: @zoros-sheath

#one piece #one piece x reader #roronoa zoro #zoro x reader #zoro roronoa x reader #zoro x you #one piece fanfiction #dysphoria #surgery #illness #scarring #sunshinegator writes

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hellomystraightlacedfriend · 1 month

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The Osborns' 'Weird' Relationship: An Analysis

◇ Spectacular Spider-Man #146 - Gerry Conway/Sal Buscema ◇

Okay, so I know it was awhile ago that I said I might write an analysis of some of the emotional dysfunctional aspects of 616 Norman and Harry Osborn’s relationship, but I really struggled with the format and how I was going to present this.

One thing that I ended up having to do was throw out any speculation on the writers' intent. With comics, you have so many different writers - especially with a long ongoing, popular series like Spider-Man - that I decided to focus a lot more on the patterns I was picking up when I was reading.

But before I go any further:

CW: discussions of child abuse, mental illness, and suicidal ideation

Disclaimer: In this analysis, I am trying to provide an explanation for why Norman might behave the way he does. However, this explanation of Norman’s abuse is not meant to be a justification of his behaviour.

Also, before we start, you are absolutely allowed to disagree with this analysis! Every reader sees/interprets things a little differently, but I've seen other people pick up on the Osborns' relationship being well, strange, so I decided to examine that a little closer.

There were certain things I kept noticing in Norman and Harry's relationship that I found abnormal (you know, apart from Norman's extensive verbal abuse). Things like: Harry's really intense and misplaced loyalty to his father (that interfers with his other relationships.) The way in which Harry feels responsible for his father. The way Harry doesn’t have a strong identity outside of his father, and how his father doesn't allow (or think Harry needs) any emotional privacy. Also, just some of the ways Norman talks to his son don’t make it feel like a normal parent-child relationship.

In particular in this analysis, I did want to talk about emotional incest and enmeshment, which I am going to define now.

The psychological definition of emotional (or covert) incest is when a parent relies on their child for emotional support that they should be getting from another adult. They treat their child like a friend or partner, instead of well, a child.

And

An enmeshed family is one where there is a lack of boundaries, and often, the child isn't allowed to have an individual identity.

I think we see a lot of the after affects of this kind of emotional abuse in Harry as an adult, and while we don't see a whole lot of Harry and Norman's relationship dynamic when Harry is growing up, I do want to start from there, using what flash backs and other information we have.

Actually to give some background on why this kind of abuse occurred, I will go back a bit further than that and talk briefly about Norman’s childhood and his relationship with Harry’s mother.

Norman definitely didn't have a great childhood. His father was a bitter and abusive alcoholic who blamed all of his problems on other people, including his son. And while Norman's mother wasn't abusive towards him, she did fail to protect him. This betrayal from an early age from both his parents would have been a huge contributer to Norman's extensive trust issues (and his drive to be in control so he's not hurt again.)

Norman didn't get the emotional support and attention he needed while growing up, so that's really what he was seeking as a young adult, and he found it in Emily Lyman aka Harry's mother.

Now while I don’t think that Norman and Emily's relationship was perfect like he presents it to be, I do think from his point-of-view this was a great time in his life. He was finally out from under his father's thumb. This beautiful woman believed in him. They had their whole lives ahead of them. The possibilities were endless, and then - she died.

Or faked her death and left him because he was so controlling.

Either way, she was gone, and he still a young man was left to go on as a single father.

Interestingly, Norman both blames Harry for Emily's death and compares him to her. Much later in his life, when talking to Harry's grave, Norman says that he tried to be fair to Harry 'even though you were so much like your mother in so many ways.' In this scene, Norman is angry at Harry for dying and thus 'abandoning' him to be alone. And I think that's what Norman felt when Emily died too, this deep sense of abandonment.

◇ Spider-Man: Revenge of the Green Goblin #1 - Roger Stern/Ron Frenz | Peter Parker: Spider-Man #44 - Paul Jenkins/Humberto Ramos ◇

(Later, it's revealed that Harry is not dead. Or maybe he is. I am NOT getting into the whole post-OMD-Harry-is-a-clone mess. For the sake of this analysis, they are the same person. They would have the same memories anyway.)

Now I am going to be piecing some things together and doing a bit of speculating. One thing that always stuck with me is that Harry keeps saying that his and Norman's relationship used to be different, that they used to be 'pals,' and then something changed. While I know a lot of people dismiss this, become Harry is delusional about his father at other points, I do think when Norman became the Green Goblin, there was a shift in their relationship dynamic, and Norman stopped opening up as much to his son.

I still absolutely think Norman was a neglectful and preoccupied father, but I also think that Norman was an emotionally needy person, and once Emily died, Norman (who was most likely extremely depressed and lacking a support system) tried to have Harry meet some of those needs. I say tried to, because Harry was just a little kid, a baby, and he wouldn’t be capable of doing that.

I think a lot about a panel from Spectacular Spider-Man #178 where Harry is talking to his own son Normie Osborn. Normie is a very young child/toddler. While Harry is talking to Normie, and Normie is watching TV, Harry starts hallucinating that his father is in the room. (Both Harry and his father have had psychotic episodes.)

Norman tells Harry that Normie should be listening to Harry, and when Harry says that Normie is just 'a little guy' and 'doesn't really understand all this,' the Norman Sr. hallucination becomes angry and says that Harry was just the same. That Harry was lost in his own head when he was young, and couldn’t hear when Norman talked to him.

◇ Spectacular Spider-Man #178 - J.M. DeMatteis/Sal Buscema ◇

It's interesting the way Norman and Harry differ here. Harry wants his son Normie to be able to enjoy these early years and have this chance to be carefree. Whereas Norman doesn't seem to really understand the concept of childhood and childhood innocence.

I also find it interesting (because I'm obsessed with word choice) that both Norman and Harry use 'pals' to describe their relationship.

◇ Amazing Spider-Man #39 & #40 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. ◇

And just in general, Norman and Harry's relationship doesn't seem to fall into the typical parent-child relationship - where the parent takes care of the child and meets the child's emotional needs. Instead, it's more complicated and codependent.

Norman and Harry both view Norman as Harry’s provider and protector. Norman is abusive towards Harry, but he does show deep concern about Harry's safety and worries about what would happen if he (Norman) suddenly died - because he's afraid Harry wouldn't be able to fend for himself.

On the other hand, Norman really doesn't give Harry any tools to become independent or encourage a separate identity, and I think part of that is because subconsciously - as much as he keeps saying he wants Harry to be strong - Norman actually wants Harry to be dependent on him.

Like on one level Norman does want Harry to be strong and be able to think for himself, so that he can take over the company and continue the Osborn legacy (and he is angry at Harry and verbally punishes him for not living up to this). But on a more personal - and like I said before subconscious - level, I do think that Norman wants Harry to have to rely on him. Because Norman doesn't want Harry to be able to leave him. Because he doesn't want to be alone.

And that's the thing, I do think that Norman is also dependent on Harry.

Harry is the nurturer to his father's protector and provider. He cares for and worries about his father a lot, and as much as Norman does not like to be seen as weak, there are quite a few moments where we do see Norman be vulnerable around his son.

Why this happened is probably largely circumstantial. Norman is a very paranoid man, who constantly fears betrayal from those around him. Even with the other adults in Norman's life who he is 'close' to - like J Jonah Jameson and George Stacy, he is not open. He does not trust them. He thinks that people are conspiring against him. However, he doesn't see his young son as a threat, as someone who could turn against him and hurt him. And he pulls Harry into this emotional isolation with him by telling his son not to trust anyone but his family (anyone but Norman.)

◇Amazing Spider-Man #62 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. || Amazing Spider-Man #47 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. || Amazing Spider-Man #67 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. || Spectacular Spider-Man #200 - J.M. DeMatteis/Sal Buscema◇

That puts Harry in a very difficult position, because he has deal with these adult concerns at such a young age, and he also can't fully open up to anyone else. This strain, along with Norman's exacting standards and scathing criticism, puts a lot of pressure of Harry.

However, Harry is used to being his father's confidant, and he becomes extremely anxious if his father shuts him out - or worse if he doesn't know where his father is. In a way, as much as Harry says that his father is strong and great, I think (at some level) Harry must also see his father as (emotionally) fragile.

This is especially noticeable in Amazing Spider-Man #121, where Harry is supposed to be resting because he has just overdosed, but he can't because he's so worried about how his father will react to possible financial ruin. He goes to him, tells his father that he doesn't need to worry about him, that he can take care of himself, that he's just worried about his father. He then proceeds to collapse in Norman's arms because he is not well.

◇ Amazing Spider-Man #40 - Stan Lee/John Romita || Amazing Spider-Man #61 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr., Don Heck || Amazing Spider-Man #63 - Stan Lee/Don Heck, John Romita || Amazing Spider-Man #121 - Gerry Conway/Gil Kane ◇

This collapse leads Norman to want to rid Peter Parker/Spider-Man from his life (by killing Peter), because he falsely blames Peter for Harry's drug overdose and also the collapse of Osborn Indistries.

Now Peter’s involvement in the Osborns' personal lives is interesting. Peter is the first person that Harry really opens up to outside of his father - when Harry breaks down and complains that his father had been very distant in the last few years. When Peter responds with the emotional support Harry had never gotten from Norman, Harry draws Peter further into his life by asking him to be his roommate. Harry’s demeanour toward Peter also becomes similar to his attitude towards his father, submissive and eager to please. (He even calls Peter 'sir' at one point when he's trying to get his attention - an address he uses towards his father.)

Peter, however, is so caught up in being Spider-Man that, like Norman, Peter often neglects his relationship with Harry. This leads Harry to be rather passive-aggressive. At one point, Harry offers to make Peter breakfast, but when he hears Peter locking his stuff up, he becomes insulted that Peter would think he would steal from him and storms off to see Norman instead.

This becomes an ongoing element, Harry being torn between Norman and Peter, and seeking love/support from both of them, but seemingly unable to get it.

Now I want to make it quite clear that Norman and Peter are not equally responsible here. Peter is Harry’s age and has troubles of his own. Norman should be acting as Harry’s father, but he really isn't, not emotionally anyway. He is meeting his son's material needs (to an excess), but he is emotionally neglecting his son while also emotionally burdening him with his own troubles. Plus Norman is constantly verbally berating Harry for failing to live up to his impossible expectations - leaving Harry feeling worthless and extremely depressed.

Harry takes drugs to cope with these negative feelings - first abusing prescription medication and then moving on to street drugs. There is even already a note of passive suicidal ideation here, as when Peter asks him how many pills he's taking, Harry's response is 'What’s the difference? Who counts?' (Amazing Spider-Man #97 - Stan Lee/Gil Kane.)

Now I refuse to believe that Harry doesn't understand that there's a possibility of overdose here: he's a chemistry (and business) major with a father who sells drugs for a living. He knows that it is a possibility. So, while he's not actively seeking to end his life, he also doesn't really seem to care if he lives or dies - as long as he can escape from his pain.

Harry does eventually overdose - and it's an overdose that leads Norman to go after Peter & also Peter’s girlfriend (and Harry's friend) Gwen. Norman blames all of Harry’s friends for his condition, but especially Peter. And Norman blames himself for failing to protect his son from them. He threatens to kill Gwen if Peter doesn't end his own life, and when Peter doesn't comply, Norman goes ahead with his threat - throwing Gwen Stacy off the George Washington Bridge. (Amazing Spider-Man #121 - Gerry Conway/Gil Kane.)

Peter (as Spider-Man) goes after Norman in revenge, and Norman ends up dying (albeit by his own glider and not Peter’s hand.) Harry eventually figures out that Peter is Spider-Man, and this leads him to think that his and Peter’s friendship wasn't real, that it was entirely a ruse on Peter’s part. That Peter was just getting close to Harry to close in on his father.

Harry ends up forgetting about Peter Parker’s secret identity after his first attack on Peter though, and so for years the threat of Harry's revenge remains dormant. However, even from 'beyond the grave' (Norman, um, kind of faked his death, but Harry didn’t know that) Norman still had a hold on Harry’s psyche.

One early warning sign of the return of Green Goblin might have been that Harry names his child both after his father and himself (Norman Harold Osborn), keeping their names (and identies) close together. Harry also tells young Normie how special a man his grandfather Norman Osborn was. Then Harry begins to hear his father's voice telling him to revenge his death, to kill Spider-Man/Peter Parker.

Harry goes back and forth on how he sees his father. At times, he is able to see his father as who he really was/is, a dangerous criminal who ruined his own life. However, at other points, he calls Norman 'wonderful' and 'the greatest man this world has ever known.' He claims that his father's spirit is in him fuelling all his efforts, and blames Peter for both Norman's and Gwen's deaths.

Of course, it would be hard for anyone to admit that their father killed one of their closest friends, however, I think with Harry it goes even beyond that. Because Harry doesn't have a solid identity outside of his father, he is unable to fully see himself and his father as two separate people. So, in his head, Harry can't admit that his father killed Gwen, because then he would also have to think that he killed Gwen - something I don't think that Harry can wrap his head around doing. It's easier then to blame someone else - Peter/Spider-Man.

When Harry does finally admit that Norman killed Gwen, he still absolutely thinks (pretty understandibly) that it was Peter who ended Norman's life. Because of this, Harry decides that both he and Peter would be better off dead - and that their deaths would protect their loved ones from further harm.

It is only an outpouring of unconditional love from Peter (something Harry had never really felt before) that sways Harry from ending Peter’s life. He carries Peter out of the building where he had set up a timed bomb, but then seemingly dies himself (from side effects of the serum he'd taken to make himself stronger.)

🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻

Break!

🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻

Okay, this is here because this is getting long, but I don’t want to make it a two-parter, but also sometimes people need to take a break and breathe, you know?

I will also be concentrating more on post One More Day Harry in this section, though referring back to earlier comics as well. I will also be talking more about sex and romantic relationships, and how Harry's focus on his father (and Norman seeing himself as the most important person in Harry’s life) complicates things.

The Dan Slott and Joe Kelly runs leading up to and during Dark Reign were the first Spider-Man comics I read, and these were the issues where I first got to see the Osborns' relationship on page. What really struck me then about the relationship was how Norman talks to Harry more like a separated spouse than his grown child: 'I need you,' 'the world could be ours,' 'come home,' 'your place is here, by my side.'

During this period, Harry is pulling away from his father and trying to be independent, and Norman does not like this at all. He mocks Harry’s business ventures, then bombs Harry’s place of business - almost killing Harry’s then girlfriend Lily Hollister in the process. When Harry goes to confront him, Norman says that girlfriends are replaceable and tries to win Harry back. This, however, does not work, and shortly following this, Harry goes no contact.

Norman will not accept this boundary, however, or any boundary really. He admitted earlier to recording and listening to all of Harry’s therapy sessions, and when Harry won't answer his calls or letters, Norman has people spy on his son and report to him on everything Harry is doing. He then gets himself invited to a wedding that Harry is attending.

This is when he tells Harry that he needs him, something that does visibly affect Harry. Peter steps in between Harry and Norman, and tells Norman 'and that's what therapy's for.'

This scene is interesting because Norman does not like admitting that he needs other people, but also because Peter doesn't consider this (entirely) as a ploy on Norman’s part. He does think that Norman is being honest about 'needing' Harry. He just thinks that the way Norman seeks support from his son is unhealthy.

There is also an 'us'-ness in the Norman-Harry relationship, that is more typical of couples. This along with how Harry is thrust into this nurturing role with Norman, makes him (at times) seem more like his father’s spouse than his son.

And when Harry and Norman do end up cutting ties, Harry even says: 'I was never your son.'

◇ Amazing Spider-Man #573 - Dan Slott /John Romita Jr. || Amazing Spider-Man #595 - Joe Kelly/Phil Jimenez || Amazing Spider-Man #598 || Writer: Joe Kelly/Artists: Paulo Siqueira & Marco Checchetto || Amazing Spider-Man #599 - Joe Kelly/Stephen Segovia, Marco Checchetto, Paulo Siqueira ◇

This relationship with his father - before the eventual break up - does also lead to problems in Harry’s romantic relationships.

Because Norman basically sees himself as the centre of the universe and because he is very possessive of the people around him, Harry grew up internalising this idea that he belongs to his father and that he should prioritise Norman above everything else.

And because of this, Harry does tend to elevate and choose his father over his other relationships. Like how when he was seeing Mary Jane Watson, that relationship ended because Harry wouldn’t unlock the door for her - choosing to be alone with his dead father's costume over being with her. His marriage with Liz also deteriorates as Harry obsesses over avenging his father's death and continuing the Osborn legacy.

Of note, in these moments Harry isn't exactly thinking clearly - there are definitely signs of psychic breaks, with Harry having delusions and hallucinations. Still, a huge part of Harry's psyche is consumed by his father - to the detriment of other aspects of his life.

Even after Harry sees Norman as a bad person (acknowledging that his father was Gwen's killer and knowing for sure that Norman has committed countless other heinous crime), Norman still has a hold over his son. Harry still holds out hope for winning his father's love and approval - and completely dismisses his then girlfriend Lily Hollister's encouragement and support. Instead focusing entirely on his father's criticisms.

◇Amazing Spider-Man #595 - Joe Kelly/Phil Jimenez || Amazing Spider-Man Family #4 - J.M. DeMatteis/Val Semeiks || Amazing Spider-Man #390 - J.M. DeMatteis/Mark Bagley◇

◇Amazing Spider-Man #126 - Gerry Conway/Ross Andru || Spectacular Spider-Man #189 - J.M. DeMatteis/Sal Buscema || Amazing Spider-Man #569 - Dan Slott /John Romita Jr.◇

Another thing involving Lily Hollister - a rather controversial decision - was to have her be in sexual relationships with both Harry and Norman Osborn (with the timing being so close together that the paternity of her child was called into question.)

I actually don't think it's so surprising that Norman would go after someone his son was seeing. He is very self-centred and delusion enough to think that he could somehow get away with it.

Also, back in Amazing Spider-Man #96, there was this whole thing about Harry bringing along Norman to watch the girl he was then seeing - Mary Jane Watson - dance. It kind of comes across like Harry is trying to impress his father with how hot his 'girlfriend' is, and Norman is quite publicly enchanted by her.

There is something similar in the Raimi adaption where Harry Osborn wants Mary Jane Watson to dress in black (like Harry’s mother/Norman’s wife used to do) because he wants Norman to be impressed by her/find her attractive. Which people have pointed out is kind of weird/creepy.

Also kind of weird is just how much empathy Harry has towards Lily Hollister after she ditches him for his dad. Like yes, I think it's a coercive relationship, and Norman is much more to blame, but I still think most people would be a little more angry in this situation. And what Harry does say to Lily at the start of her and Norman's relationship is very interesting to me:

'He's an amazing man, Lily...I know, and he takes very special care of his "nice things"...until he doesn't.

I hope you see him for what he is before that happens...

Because when Norman Osborn is through with you, no one gets to have you.'

One) because it's really quite strange to call the father you suspect is sleeping with your ex-girlfriend 'an amazing man'

Two) because the way Harry is saying this makes it seems like it applies to both her and him. The 'I know' in particular stands out, because what he seems to be saying is 'I know exactly what you are feeling/going through right now.'

Which given that she is in 'romantic' relationship with his father certainly raises questions.

◇Amazing Spider-Man: Extra! #3 - Joe Kelly/Dale Eaglesham || Amazing Spider-Man #96 - Stan Lee/Gil Kane◇

In any case, I could probably write more, but this post is already more than long enough. I just find the dynamic between Norman & Harry Osborn fascinating because I don’t think it's one we see as often in fiction, and I love reading about dysfunctional families/relationships.

I also find post-OMD Harry really interesting, because I think it's even rarer to see a person, who was in a relationship like this, have to move on, fully cut ties, and figure out how to build a life for themselves without this person (who they had such codendency with.)

#harry osborn #norman osborn #analysis #spider man #peter parker #gwen stacy #liz allan #lily hollister #marvel comics #marvel 616 #my post

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