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ktempestbradford · 2 months

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Cait Corrain and Mental Health as Excuse

A new interview with Corrain, the SFF author who review-bombed authors she saw as getting "more attention" than her, just dropped. It's at The Daily Beast; pause before you click that link.

There are CWs on the page for "severe mental illness and substance abuse" and I'd like to add one for Racist Nonsense.

If you already read Cait's "apology" then there's not much new here. It's a wordy expansion on the stuff she said before with even more I didn't mean to be racist it just ended up that way by happenstance! After she posted her initial apology I thought about making a post like this, then didn't (due to some of what I'll mention). After reading this interview, I'm even more upset and angry.

I know it's because of what I've been dealing with the past 10 months or so. I'm going through a mental health crisis that has had a huge impact on my ability to work and write. Some of this is internal to my brain, some exacerbated by life (multiple family deaths, severe weather messing up our rental house, ongoing fear of covid). I'm not okay, and it's a struggle to move every day toward being more okay. My mental health issues are not as severe as the ones Corrain details. For me, they are more severe than I have experienced previously.

Thus, I can grok on some levels the issues that impacted Cait. I am not qualified to judge if her diagnosis truly matches up with the actions she took. Whether she's telling the truth or not, it comes down to this:

None of that matters.

Not as concerns how her actions impacted the SFF community and especially BIPOC authors.

None of the details of her neurodiversity, her mental illness, or her destructive medication journey matter to the wider community. They matter to Cait, and Cait's loved ones, and the people in Cait's life.

She can say as many times as she likes that it's not an excuse and she takes full responsibility. I don't believe that she is taking responsibility.

She can also say that she's giving the public all these details in order to start a conversation about how hard it is to be a writer or a debut author who is ND or who struggles with mental health. I don't believe her. This is not about starting a conversation, or helping others, or calling attention to issues that I agree are important to discuss and highlight and support people through.

This is, in my view, about attempting to gain sympathy by oversharing and counting on this community to not push back. Because what monster would blame someone with mental illness?

In the end, what Corrain needs is healing and support and time to rebuild herself from the people who love and care for her.

Not from the community she damaged, regardless of why that happened.

Her healing needs to take place away from us, her struggles should not be foisted on us, and her redemption arc does not and should not involve us. Because this community needs to focus on the people she hurt, needs to be part of healing both the personal and the cultural matrix that contributed to that hurt, and we need to figure out together how we come out of this stronger and protect ourselves from it in the future.

Again I say: My view on this is 100% informed by my own struggles. It's also informed by the reasons I have been able to keep on moving forward even when everything is hard: My friends. My loved ones. The corners of the SFF community that always lift me up.

Which is why it's unfathomable to me how anyone could think that it's in any way appropriate to continue to try and push themselves on people like this. It's not okay.

#cw: mental health #cw: mental illness #cw: suicidal ideation #cait corrain #neurodiversity #cw: substance abuse #cw: racism

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jamesunderwater · 7 months

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@jilymicrofics - sept. 18th: thaw - words: 834 - cw: mental illness, self-harm

Storms

The vegetables were disappearing in the blur of her tears, but she didn’t care. Thwunk, thwunk, twunk. The knife kept coming down, and each time she thought, it’s going to be my finger this time Thwunk this time Thwunk this time Thwunk.

“Lily!” His voice did nothing to disrupt her rhythm. This time - thwunk, this time - thwunk. Though in the back of her mind, she did picture him calling out to her from the top of a lighthouse, while her boat kept steering right for the rocks below him. She knew this was how he saw her. But James wasn’t on the boat; he couldn’t see that it was sinking, anyway.

She still hadn’t blinked the tears away when he grabbed her wrist, pulling the knife from her grasp. “You weren’t even looking, Lils! Please.” The desperation in his voice was heartbreaking, stabbed through her like the knife should have. Lily blinked.

Her husband (husband, husband, husband, husband, she rolled the word around in her mind like a piece of sweet, forbidden chocolate) with his wild hair, his skewed glasses, his stained night shirt, made unrecognizable by the stiff flat stretch of his mouth, the lines of worry sliced between his eyebrows. She wondered if he thought she looked unrecognizable, too.

“If you need me to help you with something, just ask! What are you even doing, dicing vegetables in the middle of the night?” James put the knife in the sink and pulled the cutting board away from her, already starting to package up her work before she could even tell him what it was for.

Lily would have answered him a few weeks ago, would have told him the whole thing in one breath. I was staring at the ceiling fan go round and round hoping it would make me tired, and then I tried to time my breaths with two rotations of the fan, and then I was counting my breaths, and I got up to 33 but then my foot itched so I tried to itch it with the bedsheet slowly enough that it wouldn’t wake you, but that made me lose count on my breaths and then I couldn’t get the blasted itching to stop and then I swear, James, I swear it started crawling up my leg, the itch did, it was coming after me, I just knew it, so I had to get out of bed, you know, to get away from it, and I did manage to slip out quietly, without waking you, I was proud of that, but then the itching leapt from my foot to my hand so I scratched and I scratched but I was so scared that nothing was going to stop it so I thought, I’ve got to do something with my hands, I’ve got to do something that would scare the itch away. So I thought, stew. James will wake to a proper pot of stew and the itch will leave and it will have been a good night in the end, and it worked, you know, chopping a bit carelessly, threatening the itch like that, it disappeared altogether.…I can’t tell you why that made me cry, though. I just felt so lonely, once it left.

Instead she said, “I don’t know,” and chewed her lip, because she’d learned it was much easier to be looked at with sadness than alarm.

A tupperware lid snapped closed with a pop! She bit down her lip to draw blood and sucked hard, waiting for him to turn around. Why had she scared the itch off? It only wanted to be near her. “I wanted to make stew.”

James turned away from the tupperware and met her eyes. His were so heavy - too heavy for twenty-one, just a boy playing lighthouse keeper without any experience with storms. The old Lily inside of her wailed at the sight of him. She sobbed so loudly her temples throbbed with the pressure of it. She banged against the glass walls in her mind, crying, Look at his eyes, he’s crumbling! I have to hold him, I have to... I have to get out of here. I am going to die if I can’t touch him, please! I have to get out of here. How do I get out of here? As if she could manifest it into reality, she pictured reaching out to take his head in her hands, his arms pulling her into him with the desperation of a first breath after nearly drowning, and with these simple touches, everything healed.

Lily thought it was almost funny he was so worried about the knife, when it was these vestiges of her old self that would likely kill her in the end.

“Stew?” James had righted himself, burying whatever had been in his eyes before. Crumbling like a poorly built house in an earthquake. Her husband, so young and foolish, believing he could withstand her destruction. “Sure, yeah. Let’s get the roast out to thaw.”

#well. uh. honey i'm home? hope you missed angst #jily #jily*#jily microfic #jily angst #jily fanfic #jily fanfiction #jily fic #jple #jple fic #jple fanfiction #james potter #lily evans #the marauders #the marauders era #lily evans potter #tw: mental illness #cw: mental illness #hp

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crobones · 4 months

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so you want to know about my theory on thomas zane and alan wake! thanks so much for asking, I'm happy to share.

Y'ALL SEENT MOONKNIGHT? alright so follow me on this:

first and foremost, to clarify before I begin - the Dark Place and it's Dark Presence is real and exists

There is a Finnish auteur who comes to America with Barbara in the 1960's

when Barbara dies, the auteur experiences a split - the creation of a new alter - The Diver.

And in that very step, you realize I'm talking about DID. DISCLAIMER: Dissociative Identity Disorder is a very real psychological disorder that should be taken seriously and with respect, and those who have it (systems) deserve respect and privacy as well. This theory is in no way meant to mock or belittle or villainize any systems out there.

The Initial Split: the traumatic event(s) that happened to Alan (the name of the child before the split) occurred at a very young age, obviously. Before he developed a personality, according to studies on DID. And all we can gather on the parents are of what Zane and Alan have co-written about [Alan's] mother and a father he didn't know. It is stated that Linda spent most of [Alan's] life in psychiatric care for a yet-to-be-if-ever disclosed reason. I'm not saying she also had DID, as it is not inherited, but children of those with disorders can be more prone to developing their own.

it's possible a specific traumatic event that acted as the catalyst for the initial split involved drowning, or water somehow.

EITHERHOOT, back to the Child. DID can exist and not be realized until well into adulthood. So the Child goes about life, becomes a poet, a writer, a director. He creates the character of The Diver due to an intense fascination with the darkness of the worlds that can exist in deep, deep bodies of water (lol same) and a want to explore those worlds.

At this point in time - Before Barbara Dies - these are occupations that the host has - not separate alters. The Diver is a character, also not an alter (yet; I'll get there.)

But Cro, if Thomas is the host for the majority of this time, why is there no trace of him existing except for maybe a poem? Well, because Thomas Zane was not born as Thomas Zane. When the Child was born, he was named Alan Wake - at least on any and all legal documentation. Tom's wife and friends and colleagues all knew him as Tom because that's how "he" (the system) introduced themself to everyone. Tom Zane was the first Primary Host - the alter who Fronts, or uses the body and interacts with the outside world.

So let us begin again: Thomas Zane is a Finnish auteur who comes to America with his wife Barbara in the 1960's. He is the primary hosting alter of a system he possibly does not even know exists.

Barbara dies. Zane tries to bring her back with the power of The Dark Place. It fails. He carves out Barbara's heart. A split happens. The Diver emerges.

He is an Emotional Protector, but it's also likely he is a Fragment Alter, as well as a Fictive - an alter that doesn't fully develop their own unique attributes; and Fictive because he is based on a character Tom had already created. At least to start.

Tom is still the host. He has control. He and Barbara have fallen into the Dark Place.

the Dark Presence begins to try to manipulate The Diver. Tom, who is still the primary host and while trying to maintain the health of the body and fend off corruption, wants to defend The Diver. To him, The Diver is the Light, the Protector, the one tasked with processing the loss of Barbara. Because even now, the Diver is still a part of Tom. A Fragment. The Diver needs Tom to complete him, and so the Diver refers to himself as Tom as well.

But Tom is a poet, and he knows that with any Light, there also comes a Darkness. And so, to save himself and to save the Diver, Tom writes. He doesn't necessarily know that he's having any effect on reality. The way for an artist to vent emotions like fear and confusion is to create. And he would never truly make "himself" the main character - he's an auteur, he would never be so gouche. So he changes a few key aspects.

He doesn't mean for it to happen. He didn't know the extent of those inside the system, or even that they truly existed within him at all. But he writes a character - a siphon for the darkness, really. A sacrifice to the Dark Presence, as if to appease it.

Now, it is well established that writing in the Dark Presence less so fully creates something from nothing, but really just nudges things in one direction or the other.

There's a name that comes to mind - something that people used to call him when he was younger, and it always confused him. He writes a character named Alan.

Now, Zane is not so cruel as to make Alan simply a sheep led to the slaughter. and darkness itself is not something necessarily evil, per se. Within himself is a fear and a want to leave this place. Writing is escapism. It is self-preservation. Alan can be a good man that is struggling with his own devils, just as Zane deals with the Darkness he feels within himself. Alan just wants to leave.

And so Alan has an antagonist. Inspired by The Diver, the Champion of Light within himself, Tom gives unto Alan his own Herald of Darkness. He can't decide on a name for this individual. It doesn't come to him as easily as the Diver or Alan did. He gives it a few tries, but redacts all of it. In the end, and only in his mind, he refers to this devil as Mr. Scratch, but really "scratch" is just a concept that he can't think of a word for.

And so, within this Darkness, the only true way to escape that we know of is to make a sacrifice. Zane can't sacrifice Barbara, she's already dead. The Darkness had already taken her body and he knows that now. He refuses to sacrifice The Diver or Alan - they feel like a part of him.

But Mr. Scratch is just as much a part of him as the rest of the system. Zane figures he is willing to sacrifice that part of himself - the evil within.

So into the Dark Place Mr. Scratch is sent. Is it enough? Can he finally get out?

Well, while every alter in the system has a level of agency, just as The Diver is a Fragment of Zane, Scratch was really a Fragment of Alan. Even Zane established that much within his own writing. So really, the sacrifice was Alan's to make. It was a battle Alan had been fighting, not Zane.

So Alan gets out. The alters are of a system, but while Alan is Hosting, it could be said that the Alters are left in the Dark Place. Time and space don't work there as they really should, so chances are, the System could persist without a physical body.

It's not a lake, it's an ocean. Perhaps Alan emerges from he Dark Place in Cauldron Lake and simply doesn't remember traveling across the country. Zane "wrote himself out of reality" and so that could very well effect Alan's memories. It could be possible he emerges directly into New York City - where Zane had based the character's place of birth. Regardless, Alan get's to New York and attempts to live a normal and healthy life.

When Alan escapes the Dark Place, it's probably 1999, or some time close. The internet both exists but isn't infallible. Documents can be "replicated" if lost. The country is having a wild time, it wouldn't be impossible for a 33 year old man to emerge from nothingness. So what if he doesn't have any ID on him, maybe he was houseless for a time.

Because Zane "wrote" Alan's background, and it is common for someone to write what they know, Alan's life has a lot of similarities to Zane's. Alan "knows" his past. Doesn't remember any Darkness, though. Don't know what you're talking about.

Alice hears about the program and brings Alan to Bright Falls.

Within the overlap, the System can reconnect. But Alan remembers nothing about any of it. Doesn't remember the System, the town, the lake, or the Darkness. But everything and everyone remembers him very well.

And, while Scratch was sacrificed to the Darkness, well. That doesn't necessarily mean he died!

side theories!

The System's own mind place was just the writer's cabin, but it was possessed and corrupted by the darkness.

Mr. Hatch and Mr. Door are not necessarily the same. Mr. Hatch exists in reality, but perhaps Mr. Door is an Introject Alter who is also the Gatekeeper. Interesting idea, but I doubt it's likelihood.

Mr. Scratch, as he never truly "died" or left the system but had been made to succumb to it, is a Misguided Protector. He wants to protect the system from the Darkness in theory, but really he wants to prevent the circumstances that brought them to the Darkness instead. And so, Mr. Scratch thinks that they can't lose another love of their life if he kills her!

NOTE: Mr. Scratch was not so "evil" in the beginning, but he became so when sacrificed to the Darkness. But as each alter has a level of individuality and agency, while the Darkness managed to possess him, it has not managed to possess any other alter.

Linda Wake is the system's mom and birth mother. But when Tom wrote Linda giving Alan the switch, that was based on a memory of her giving the system the gift as a child. who was fronting at the time is unknown. Perhaps Alan and Tom co-fronted parts of their childhood, but Tom was the primary, as Alan is more introverted.

Any and all times Alan exhibited "insanity", that was fully induced by the Darkness. People with DID and other mental disorders do not always exhibit such symptoms as he had, if ever. Each case is unique.

The Darkness did not cause the trauma that produced the System's DID in this theory. Tom/Alan lived a life without any paranatural influence until moving to Bright Falls, though it is likely he was a parautilitarian. He is a partially a victim to the darkness, but more importantly, he is the hero of his own story.

(The system as a collective is the hero. Maybe Lan and Tom have their own paranatural abilities - Alan's involving writing and Tom's being creating movies.) But within the system is also their own enemy.)

If you've ever read the graphic novel The Wicked + The Divine and like the involvement of the gods of old and Odin, Tor, Ahti, and the like, I guess i could kinda see Tom/Alan as a "vessel"(?) for Loki. Complicated individual who means well most of the time, but has a dark side, and every interpetation of Loki depends on the perspective of the audience, which is a heavy theme in the game.

Really, i just love the idea that he's not involved in the ongoing godhood of those around him at all. He doesn't have the name of a Norse god - he's just some fuckin bloke. His wife brought him someplace and he got sucked into a fucked up scenario. Maybe The Dark Place is fucking Jotunheim and that's why Saga, and Tor, and Odin and everyone is drawn to it. They are there to protect the outside world from Jotunheim. Ahti isn't part of the same pantheon, but he is a god of water, so he's just chilling as the innocent bystander - though he has an investment of course. And then a mortal accidentally walked into their bullshit. But since he's a mortal and a creator of things, he is held in high regard. Gods really only have as much power as their worshippers give them in their stories.

The Dark Place could be Jotunheim, and maybe each resonance in the Remedy Universe is a jötun or the jötun were based on what resonance are individually or idk I could go on. reality influencing art influencing life influencing art inf- [gun shots]...

I'm tired.

(edit: reading back I initially said Barbara's death created Mr. Scratch. the entire situation with Barbara and his carving out her heart in my mind actually created the Diver, I meant to say. Scratch came later.)

(second edit: grammar and spelling)

#thomas zane #alan wake #mr. scratch #the diver #aw2 spoilers #cw: mental health #cw: mental illness #forewarning: discussing DID from the perspective of someone who does not have or exhibit the disorder #i have no intention of mocking or belittling or disrespecting anyone with DID #i will edit or delete any or all of this post per request #long post

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vision-bound-muse · 1 month

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:: Luka :: SPOILERS

Hero complex with passion. I don’t think he is as hot headed as he presents himself. His ‘training’ was not something irrational.

He isn’t an idiot despite his lax way of speaking. This boy has street smarts for days. I love this.

Carefree to an extent. There is an edge of responsibility there that I can’t ignore, but he does like to have fun and inspire others. Which is where a lot of his silly bravado and arrogance comes from as his unlockable story, he admits he doesn’t like fighting, but carries on with it because of this and because he seeks to protect the weak.

Somethings, just never change and there will always be bad people.

So why Nihility? All of the above is anything, but nihilistic behavior.

All of that soldiering and it was (soldiering, policing would simply be too hollow given the events), loss and just the general sense of misery in the underworld would cause anyone to shut down. Crime, poverty, and monsters and everyday occurrence to add to it being walled in and forced to stay.

He's seen a lot and when one has nowhere to flee, what happens then?

Dissociation breeds nihilism and it’s a normal defense mechanism, psychologically speaking. Absence of emotion and drive, a general sense of just going through the motions. A ghost without care, there are hints at recognition and some references to anxiety, but it would have been hedging. As he would have likely been flat and numb, maybe a touch of PTSD... Maybe. Hence Nihility.

That flashpoint for change, the loss of limb, and saving that girl which allowed things to trickle back in. Find that will to protect and hope, but what really burned was Margie. Yeah, that was a deep fucking cut. She didn’t make it, so he fulfilled that wish for her. Fskfhgskfhskg What will he become; I wonder.

#tw: mental illness #cw: mental illness #HSR: Character analysis #honkai star rail #luka #hcs later maybe. i did not sleep #cw: spoilers #tw: spoilers

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xanthippe74 · 7 months

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Drarry microfic: Was that your voice or was that me?

cw: mental illness or murder—you decide ; )

A note about the prompt song: each track on this Glass Animals album (How to Be a Human Being) was inspired by someone they met while promoting their previous album. Regarding "Mama's Gun":

This ominous song is partially inspired by a story by a US taxi driver who explained to frontman David Bayley the damage she imagined she'd done on an "epic super-bender." Bayley explained to NME that the American had overdid the crystal meth and cocaine she took to help with all-nighters as a long-haul lorry driver and blacked out for a month. The woman then feared the worst when she woke up in a strip club in the wrong State. "She thinks she's killed someone, basically," said Bayley, "but she's not sure. Isn't that mad?" (from Songfacts)

“I murdered him.”

“No, you didn’t,” the Mind Healer says gently. “Draco Malfoy is alive and well in Canada.”

“But I remember it!”

“It’s a false memory, Harry.”

Back in Grimmauld Place, dust motes swirl in the sunlight like someone walked through them, and a voice punctures the summer silence.

I was your husband, Harry. Why would you shoot me?

Written for the @drarrymicrofic song prompt, "Mama's Gun" by Glass Animals.

Masterlist of my microfics

#drarrymicrofic #my writing #60 words #cw: mental illness #cw: murder #cw: gun violence

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commander-hanji-zoe · 1 year

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Hi!!! I was wondering if you could do like a headcanon for the vets and og levi squad if they had like a suicidal s/o. I love your blog btw!

Hey - thank you so much! I realise this came into my inbox a long time ago and then I wasn't writing anything. But with NaNoWriMo I'm picking up a few old requests and wanted to write this one.

Firstly – CW/TW for mentions of suicidal thoughts.

These will be a bit repetitive because as always I think the vets and O/G Levi Squad would all be incredibly supportive in their own way. They would all want to do what they could within their power and while respecting their s/o’s wishes, to help. They would be sensitive, they would all also want their s/o to get professional help, whether seeing a doctor, councillor, nurse, private therapist. It would very much be the first thing they would discuss with their S/O, to check whether they were already seeing someone and how it’s going, or if not to see if they could research who would be best to speak to. Mostly all of them would be happy to accompany their S/O to appointments but equally respect boundaries if their S/O would rather go alone.

They would be there to ensure appointments aren’t missed and any medication or practises such as daily diary updates, affirmations etc. also are adhered to – though this will be managed sensitively and without pressure.

I wrote the above because this is such an important and very sensitive topic and one that as a lot of you know, I am very familiar with. I didn’t want to type the same thing for each of the characters so the above is there to read first before the below – it is also there as a reminder to anyone who may need to hear it.

I’m always here to listen if you need someone to vent to, but if you need help, please reach out to your doctor/physician etc. and/or family and friends that you trust.

Erwin

He understands that being suicidal doesn’t mean their s/o wants to die or not be here anymore and rather that it means they’re just very tired, exhausted by the mental pain they are in and Erwin will do everything within his power to comfort them and talk things through. He understands the importance of not getting emotional himself and keeping the conversation going, being rational and calm where possible.

Erwin would want to ensure that he could keep an eye on his s/o if they didn’t live together, suggesting they either take some time away together (in a perfect au reality where he isn’t commander of the survey corps!) otherwise he will suggest you move in with him for a little while just so he’s there for you in the darkest moments.

He would remove things that his s/o could potentially use to harm themselves with but he wouldn’t make a big thing out of it, announce he was doing it or do it when his s/o could see. This would be very intentional so that his s/o didn’t think a big deal was being made or get angry at the response, rather it is a tactical decision from Erwin to protect his s/o subtly.

Mike

Mike knows something is up, he can sense it – there’s a smell to sadness like autumn leaves in rain. Like rot and damp – but he won’t say it for the fear it’ll sound like he’s romanticising it. But he’s got good intuition when it comes to others emptions.

He doesn’t like euphemisms and would rather address the issue straight up, not in a way that’s blunt or unkind. But his s/o is too important to him to beat around the bush. Equally he won’t push his s/o into talking, but he does take it very seriously and needs his s/o to know he’s there for them.

Asks his s/o if it gets too much to please tell him, they don’t even have to speak and can just sit in silence if needed. Mike will encourage going on small walks with him to get fresh air and eating/drinking even if it’s just small amounts frequently, perhaps cooking up a batch of favourite soup so that it isn’t over-whelming for his s/o and certainly isn’t forced.

Encourages baby steps, if their s/o doesn’t feel like doing day to day tasks or small acts of self care he will help but then encourage them to do something for themselves. For example he may brush their hair and then say, “Doesn’t that feel better, how about we brush our teeth together to tick off our morning routine.”

He’ll give them a journal with a few drawings he’s done to make them smile but also so they have somewhere to keep track of how they’re feeling and what makes things better and what makes things worse.

Hanji

Would hate that their s/o felt like this but also would understand, they too have felt the pull when things get too much. Hanji is very protective so would do what they could in their power to help their s/o and be as supportive as possible.

Their way of helping is to provide distraction – whether it’s to involve their s/o in their work and research or to take them for a few days out or perhaps to see a play. Hanji will however avoid large crowds or large groups of friends and be very careful not to do anything too over-whelming, perhaps checking with their s/o what they’d like to do first. If their s/o didn’t want to go anywhere Hanji would force or push going out, but after a few days they would try to gently encourage them to get some fresh air together and go for a change of scenery that may offer a different point of view.

Won’t go to sleep until their s/o is asleep so that Hanji can watch them, scratch their back, stroke their hair, sing, talk…whatever their s/o needs to drift off into a peaceful sleep hopefully free from nightmares. For Hanji they also need this, they need to know that they’re helping somehow, and they need to know their s/o is safe, going to sleep first is not an obtain.

Nanaba

“Oh my love…” Nanaba is so incredibly soft and kind, it breaks her heart knowing how much this is hurting her s/o but she does everything she can to remain composed and strong for them. She doesn’t get emotional or make it about her.

She’ll go a bit over board with buying things to help, from self help books (which after reading a few pages she kind of hates and so hides them), their s/o’s favourite food, drinks, lots of vitamins, books, flowers. She hates feeling helpless but wants her s/o to know they’re not alone.

Very good at late night chats, perhaps out and about, perhaps in the bath. Nanaba will listen without interruption. She wants to know what’s going on in her s/o’s mind and if there’s anything she can do to help. She wants to understand where this has come from, what the triggers are and what can be done to avoid them.

If there’s anything that needs removing from their room/house etc. Anything that makes her s/o feel sad or scared, Nanaba is there to quietly remove them at night and instead replace the objects with things that are nicer and more comforting.

Levi

In many respects Levi doesn’t quite understand and it’s for two reasons, partly because as a person he’s incredibly matter of fact and stoic as a way of life. And partly because he’s fought so hard to survive, after everything he’s been through it’s incomprehensible at first how anyone could want to purposefully end it. But. Levi is intelligent and aware of others and the difficulties, challenges and heartaches that exist – especially when it comes to his S/O. So he will be patient, he will remain calm and not express his initial reaction with his s/o as he wouldn’t want them to feel their feelings were invalid, wrong etc.

If his s/o isn’t up to cleaning or sorting out mundane tasks of course Levi will be there to help out and ensure everything is sparkling and like new. But he also buys a few things that make the cleaning easier and comes up with solutions to help his s/o get through day to day tasks for themselves – reminding them everything they do is an achievement.

Levi can be particularly quiet at times but turns out this is exactly what his s/o will need. Just someone to listen and not react to everything that’s being said. Someone quiet who can hold their hand if they need it and be by their side through it all.

Levi loves being outside and the fresh air – a long horse trek with snacks, tea, lots of healthy mood boosting foods are in order and so he plans a nice trip away for the two of them, hoping this may somehow brighten his s/o’s mood and remind them of the beautiful places in the world. The small things, the simple things and help them believe everything will be okay in the end.

Moblit

This will break him, initially he’ll be asking himself what he did wrong and what he could do better to make his s/o not want to end their life anymore or feel this way. But Moblit is pretty quick to pick himself up from this and realise it isn’t about him and that it is not an individual’s fault. As difficult as it is and as supportive as he will be, he has to remind himself and potentially his s/o depending on their behaviour – that he is not in control of this.

He’ll want to get to the bottom of why his s/o feels like this in a way that sometimes can be a little over-bearing or even intrusive. He doesn’t mean it to be, he’s just certain if he knows what is causing it he can help fix it. Due to his work with Hanji he’s become accustomed to experiments, cause and effect and coming up with solutions. Not to say that his s/o and their mental health is a problem that needs to be solved, he loves his s/o and just wants to use the skills he’s gained to help them where possible.

Will definitely take things easy in terms of the relationship and won’t push for anything physical or romantic if his s/o isn’t in the mood. But will ensure there are lots of sweet, small daily interactions to let them know he is there for them and that he loves them. He needs them to know he is here standing by as and when the support is required.

Will bring back small gifts like flowers, a favourite cake, drinks, a new book his s/o has been talking about. He will also change bedsheets, open windows – especially if the cleaning aspect is something he can do with his s/o rather than just for them. He wants them to feel useful and like they don’t just need looking after all the time.

Oluo

He’ll struggle a lot with this, Oluo isn’t always the easiest person to talk to at first but as mentioned before, once you open up to him or see the softer side he is incredibly caring. The way he behaves, and mimics Levi comes from a place of insecurity.

He’d probably hold his s/o for a long time and cry a little himself, trying to hold back the tears and instead be there for his s/o. But he doesn’t find this as easy as some of the vets do and once his own emotions come out it’s hard to put them back in. But boy does Oluo try and manages pretty well after the initial shock.

Really doesn’t want to be alone again, it means so much to him that he’s found a partner who understands him. He immediately feels selfish after thinking this and probably putting his foot in it by saying it out loud.

Makes big gestures to let his s/o know how much they mean to him – but only privately and realises doing this in public isn’t going to help. Most of all he just wants to know if there is anything he can do to help even if that means giving them a little space, he is happy to step back when needed.

Would perhaps ask Levi for advice and help seek recommendations for a professional that his s/o could see, would make an appointment with their permission and encourage them.

Eld

Eld would manage to stay incredibly calm when he finds out how his s/o is feeling, mostly because he knows this is not the time to over-react or make it about him. Instead he’d want to listen, he may make some notes but it’s for his eyes only and so he can reflect on them later.

Will make sure his s/o stays really hydrated and will bring them water and other favourite non-alcoholic drinks.

Distractions are good but only for a short time, Eld would rather focus on the small every day things that really make a difference, encouraging his s/o and just being there when they need to talk or cry. Is also really good at giving hugs.

Petra

When Petra finds out how her s/o has been feeling she’ll think it’s best if the two of them talk away from things that represent day to day life. Instead, she’ll take her s/o somewhere quiet and peaceful where they won’t be disturbed or distracted. Petra

She’ll encourage her s/o to see someone professional to talk through how they’re feeling and to come up with ideas to help process their feelings, emotions and what they’re going through. If there is anything Petra can do to be more helpful, or any small things she can change regarding her behaviour etc. she will want to know and aim to be the best she can for them – while also taking reasonable breaks for her own mental health.

Sometimes Petra is simply the best person to just hang out with and say nothing, it’s in these silences her s/o finds a lot of comfort. It’s never awkward and there’s no expectations either. It’ll give her s/o plenty of time to think through what they’re feeling and when they’re ready they can talk – until then Petra is happy just to hold them, stroke their hair or just sit quietly reading a book so their s/o has company but it isn’t smothering.

Gunther

Gunther gets it – the world he and his s/o live in has not been kind and sometimes it’s a truly scary place to be. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t upset him and make him wish he could do something to help, not realising that just being there for his s/o is help enough.

He’s a great listener and won’t be distracted by anything else, rather Gunther is committed to hearing what is troubling his s/o and coming up with some positive actions they can take.

He would remove anything from their home that could harm his s/o or inspire any further negative thoughts, anything triggering, anything they could use to harm themselves.

At night he’d go through some positive affirmations with his s/o and talk about all the things they have to look forward to – not in a ‘don’t do this you have so much to live for’ kind of way, but a general day to day conversation. He’s really looking forward to someone’s birthday or that he’s planned for them.

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ronmanmob · 8 days

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Thoughts on Ron 👓

That Affect He Has (and part of how he copes with it)

The effect flat affect has on Ron's ability to express his emotions facially and vocally is quite profound. No matter where or when he's found in writing it'll be there, though time's passing - and access to better support and understanding of his condition in modern settings - lets him learn to cope with and combat (with varying degrees of success) the most visible and audible signs of the struggles he has emoting. He'd loathe sitting for speech therapy -- it's too vulnerable a thing, even in modern times, for him to stomach. But the one session he'd attend before jacking it in would yield an interesting suggestion that would stick.

"You like music, right Ron?"

"--Yeah."

"So sing along."

And he would. Invariably it'd be when he was alone - so that vulnerable bit weren't exposed, right? - but he'd work himself up from mouthing along to getting some voice along with it and while there'd be no revelation of intense vocal talent there...it'd help. For all he struggles with keeping track of his own tone and pitch, he can hear it in others when they're singing. And he can mimic. And he can learn through mimicry what the right notes sound and feel like as he picks up spits and spats of melody and purrs along low in his chest.

#👓Headcanon #tw: mental illness #cw: mental illness #//no matter what he's learned and practiced; emoting will always tax Ron #//it's almost never not a conscious thing #//but it's also something - through time and need and effort - Ron learns to minimise to the best extent he can for the comfort of others #//which is why your darling muse may get - on a very good day - a beaming smile and effusive greetings #//he means every word and gesture; it's just...think of how it feels to smile through a dentist's anaesthetic #//how much effort that takes #//minus the numbness; that's something like the effort Ron expends with the face/voice doing #//and that's fine; he wants to do it if he's doing it #//if he didn't want to he wouldn't for dust #//it's just that bit'a extra mental work

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canary0 · 11 months

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May 24 - Dracula 2023

Content Warning: mental health treatment, mental hospitals, schizophrenia

Dr. Seward's notes - recorded via phone audio

Reduced appetite, sleep disruptions, and loss of interest in things that I enjoyed before. As a clinician, I know I really shouldn’t try to apply diagnoses to myself – we all observe ourselves with our own self-perception and internal narrative. Still, I can’t think to call this anything but depression over my rejection earlier. Not unusual, so I already know the best distraction for me is work until it passes. Fortunately, my appointment schedule is usually very full – finding enough qualified psychiatrists for the hospital has been a challenge. Probably not a good time to dwell on that.

I have a particular interest in one of my patients with whom I had an appointment today. His situation is unusual, so I’m doing my best to understand him as well as I can. His form of delusion is fairly uncommon, more well documented in the past than now.

I’m realizing that I may have been too intense about it – more interested in putting together a case study that helping him reach a point of being able to live a normal life. Normally I focus on the latter, and I’d avoid keeping them in a steady state like the mouth of hell itself. Omnia Romæ venalia sunt - “Hell has its price,” after all.

But with him having gone untreated as long as he has, it’s also very important to understand how exactly his delusion works and what his specific situation is to develop a medication and treatment plan. So, let me take down what I know at the current time (with permission):

R. M. Renfield, age 59. He’s very outgoing and active, generally with a positive, or at least excitable mindset. He’s very strong, inclined to physical activity. He’s prone to unpredictable periods of depression which tend to end in getting a very fixed idea about something. He takes particularly to causes, it seems like, and is difficult to deter once he decides one is indeed a cause. He went untreated and was cared for privately since his 20s before he was brought in after injuring the pet of someone he knew. He hasn’t had any visitors since he arrived. Lack of connections may make his treatment more difficult. His only serious physical issue at the moment is high blood pressure, which is common for men of his age, so we’re at least going to get him started on amlodipine while we figure out the rest. I’ll speak with the psychopharmacologist, but his age makes me a little concerned about using antipsychotics. We may start one at a low dose and see how he responds. As far as therapy goes, observation hasn’t revealed much in terms of stronger or weaker moments in his delusions, so we may end up having to work within that framework to improve quality of life for now.

Quincey Morris to Arthur Holmwood

Via SMS

Quincey: We’ve told stories by the fire, dressed each other’s wounds, and made toasts on the shores of Titicaca. I think it’s time for more of the former and latter, don’t you think? My campfire has a spot for you, and I happen to know a certain lady is busy with a dinner party tomorrow night, so she’ll be otherwise occupied.

Arthur: Naturally. Count me in every time. Is anyone else coming?

Quincey: Our friend from that time in Korea, Jack Seward. It’s time to drown our sorrows as we toast to the good fortune of the happiest man in the world.

Arthur: You’re not wrong about that.

Quincey: Of course I’m not! And you’ve earned it, along with the best heard in the world.

Arthur: I’ll be sure to be there. Besides, I have some news you’ll both want to here.

Quincey: Excellent! See you then.

(A/N: Although in the book Renfield was observed with schizophrenia from a normal age of onset, I suspect he must have avoided treatment for quite a while under modern care to be in his current state. I’m always hesitant to address severe mental health difficulties in my fiction, because I don’t want to give the impression that I think some ableist shit.

I’m going to be open here to that end and state that any depiction here is going to be informed by my own experience with depression with psychosis and having gone with it largely untreated for a long time. It no longer presents those symptoms for me, thankfully, but I’m empathetic to the experience of having them.

So while Renfield and his treatment is certainly a potentially spicy subject, I’m gonna do my best to present it and his treatment in the best way I can. Seward wasn’t depicted as incompetent for his time (as bad as the methods of his time were), so his modern treatment methods shouldn’t be incompetent. I consulted with a mental health professional about this entry so... hopefully it's okay.

Thank god for Quincey and Arthur also talking today. @_@)

#dracula daily #jack seward #schizophrenia #cw: mental illness #cw: mental health #renfield #dracula 2023 #fanfic #modern retelling #cw: medication

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hedonists · 9 months

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social anxiety means deliberately not buying concert tickets to see your favorite bands/artists because just the idea sends you down a spiral. god bless the people who record and take pics, you carry my sanity on your shoulders.

#nemesestext #I could be seeing bmth and bad omens but no #brain said not this time #cw: anxiety #cw: mental illness

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papermint-airplane · 28 days

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Ngl besties depression is kicking my ass rn. I'm gonna whine a little bit under the cut so nobody has to see this, I just need to get it off my chest.

* I am experiencing the worst eczema flare up of my entire life. I have rashes all over my body: chin, lips, neck, wrists, backside, labia, scalp, and feet. They're swelling and causing so much pain. Sometimes when I move, my skin rips open and bleeds. I am basically covered in open wounds right now.

* I keep having dreams about my abusers (parents). I know this is stemming from the Christmas card they sent me in December. I never gave my parents my address when I moved but my mother cyberstalked me to find it and then sent me a letter to gloat about how she did it immediately after. She's been sending me unsolicited things in the mail ever since. I never reply but she never stops. I literally havd left that Christmas card in the mailbox since December because I don't even want to touch anything she's touched but I accidentally brought it into my car the other day and I feel like my space has been invaded. I don't know what to do about it.

* Work is horrible and getting worse by the day. Sometimes I feel like I'm being punished for being a horrible child like I was always told I was. Like maybe I'm already dead and this is my personal Hell which is why I'll never be allowed to leave.

* I am exhausted all the time. I have so many things I want to do but I pass out the second I get home and don't wake up till it's time to get ready for work again. I can't even play my game. And it doesn't matter how much I sleep, I never get any less exhausted.

* I'm lonely but all I want to do is isolate myself. I wonder if anyone will notice if I do.

* I want to update my story but I feel like nobody really gives a shit about it. I got 3 times more notes when I posted a zero effort picture of a Sim dog than I do on story posts I work on for hours. I feel like just giving up. Nobody will ever want to read my shit. Nobody cares about my OCs. I am fundamentally untalented and uncreative.

* I want to cry but if I do, I won't stop for hours, and I just don't have the energy

* My therapist is on vacation this week so I just have to carry this around with me until next Monday.

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gh0stfl0ra · 11 months

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Heads up, I don't want you following me if you post things like 'if you have a mental illness, I have the right to be allowed to hurt you'. Just, wtaf.

#ghostie says things #cw: mental illness #Should probably delete

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cyndakiller · 10 months

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Ssssssooooooooo, my brother (who became a right winger in the pandemics) is coming back to Brazil after a couple years (he lives in Ireland) and I'm seriously concerned about my mental health :) cause I don't want to talk to him At All because I know he'll want to talk some bullshit about "ideology of gender" with me and I'll want to fucking gouge my eyes out with my own fingers if he does :) so yeah if I mysteriously go quiet for some time in the next month it's probably because I fucking kms I had a mental breakdown

#mine #my thots #ramblings #venting #cw: suicide #cw: gore descriptions #cw: mental illness

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shipsgaysfordays · 1 year

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we are the champ--no, no we are not

wrote this fic concept yesterday, and expanded it after getting a reaction from a few people. so it’s not the longest fic, but it’s a bit longer than this

gonna tag @siriusblackkinniefr since he asked me to, i hope you enjoy <3

also, i made the title like that because i think it’s funny. and sirius has stolen all the pronouns and will be flaunting them because genderfluid sirius is special to me

Sirius is sitting on Remus’ couch as the men stare at one another. Remus is even more of a giant than he normally appears since Sirius is sitting while Remus is standing. Remus is quite literally looking down on her.

Things had changed and that was unavoidable to acknowledge by this point, but these old fools were damn persistent in trying not to see reality, so they actually managed pretty well to pretend things were fine while they were actually far from it. A conclusion that Remus had come to a long time ago was that delusion wasn’t always a bad thing, so what if he’s being delusional trying to bring back the past? What’s so great about the present?

Sirius stares, eyes glazed over. A long time ago he had looked to Remus and acknowledged him as being there in this moment, existing. Soon after they seemed to forget, finding much more interest in the texture of the walls, the chipped paint and dust. Once upon a time everything had been so new. She had been so new, now it…now….they don’t like to think of now.

“Padfoot, Padfoot” Remus says, if they were still in school it would have annoyed him to say his name this much, Sirius always finds it strange this way he shields Sirius from his anger now. It doesn’t make sense for him to. Not after.

Sirius blinks hard, twitching their face just a bit, and then looking over to Remus, “Yes?”

“Can I sit with you?”

“Moony, do you need to ask?”

“Yes, sometimes, yes.”

“Oh…well, yes you can sit with me.”

Remus started walking over, slowly as though he were approaching a wild animal, and suddenly stopped, “Would you want to listen to music?”

Sirius hadn’t really thought about it, when they were kids they loved listening to music together, things wouldn’t be any different now. “Of course,” he gave a small smile.

Remus grinned, the first real grin he had seen in so long, Sirius would do anything to keep things like that, to make him happy again, to keep him happy. But Sirius hadn’t been thinking about it.

Hands flipped through a stack of records, until picking up a very well loved Queen album, News of the World. On the front cover: a tin man looking to the sky, almost praying, as blood drips down his fingers and he holds two men with black hair.

He slips the large black disk out and onto the record player, skipping over to what used to be Sirius’ favorite song. What Remus had thought would be a safe song, without truly thinking about it.

Remus puts the needle down and falls back onto the couch next to his questionably former lover.

“I’ve paid my dues, time after time.”

Remus relaxes to the smooth voice of Freddie Mercury, the back of his mind thinking about the next line, a small voice in his head of worry.

“I’ve served my sentence, but committed no crime.”

“Turn it off,” Sirius mutters, knees in front of her and hands over his ears.

Remus looks over and jumps up, something not very good for his knees and body pains in general. In a few steps, he’s in front of the record player and stopping it, looking for something else. Something that can make Sirius happy again.

“Turn it off,” Sirius continues, voice growing louder and louder, more commanding yet imbued with pain. “Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off!” They shake and scream.

So Remus does, stopping the search for any new music, putting away the record, and just staring. Back at square one. Worse than square one. He created this pain for Sirius, this unnecessary pain.

Taking a deep breath, Remus went back to the couch, still leaving space between him and Sirius. The man placed a hand out, offering something, some small piece of comfort.

“I’m so sorry Padfoot, I’m so sorry,” he spoke, despite knowing Sirius probably didn’t hear him. Hands still covering their ears, still muttering.

Remus moved his hand, hovering it above Sirius’ back, questioning if this may also do more harm than good. In the end they’re sitting together, Remus rubbing circles into Sirius’ back. Saying that stupid, common lie, “Everything’s gonna be okay, everything will be alright, I’m here.”

Sirius looks up for the first time in ages.

“I’m here, Padfoot.”

#wolfstar #wolfstar fic #Wolfstar fanfiction #remus x sirius #Sirius x Remus #remus and sirius #remus loves sirius #Remus Lupin #RemusLupin #Sirius Black #siriusblack #genderfluid sirius black #mentally ill sirius #cw: mental illness #cw: mental breakdown

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