as i was reading gideon the ninth i thought for sure that palamedes was like. mid 30s at the youngest? and then i got to the part towards the very end where it’s revealed that he’s exactly 20. i was jumpscared

How The Team Figure Out You’re Together

These are the first criminal minds drabbles i’ve ever written so please go easy on me! So these are ‘how the team figures out you’re together’ for: Hotch, Spencer, Morgan, and Emily.

Summary: With a team of profilers around, it’s only a matter of time until at least one of them figures out you’re together. This is how you give yourselves away.

Warnings: Some short and non-specific references to drugs and case-violence. Gender neutral reader in all cases except Emily’s (happy to adapt this if wanted!)

A/N: this is a new blog and i’m accepting requests so please feel free to fire any headcanon/drabble/fic requests my way :)

Hotch

With your jobs being what they are, there’s a need for a very clear boundary between professional and personal. So, at work he’s Hotch, Hotchner, sir. At home, he’s Aaron, babe, sir. It took some getting used to at first, there were some slips of the tongue at home when you’d shout “Hotch, dinner’s ready!” But, for the most part, you’d gotten pretty good at slipping into it with relative ease. To you, it’s kind of like they’re different people anyway. Stern leader Hotchner who barks commands is an entirely different person to deal with than Aaron who asked to borrow your pink fluffy socks while you watched a romcom last night (he said he had forgotten to do laundry, but you had your reservations about whether that was true, not that you blamed him).

It’s a Wednesday morning and you’re all sat on the jet, having been called out to a pretty gnarly case in Idaho.

Hotch is making himself a coffee when the plane jerks and you all go flying and he trips sideways and

You’re shouting “Aaron!” in a concerned tone before it even registers that it’s left your mouth

And Morgan’s looking at you with that shit-eating smirk on his face, quirking his eyebrow as if to say ‘Aaron? Did you just say Aaron?’

Hotch is more flustered than anything, he’d thankfully already set down the pot and the coffee he was holding wasn’t too hot so he’s just wiping himself off with napkins and trying to ignore the fact that Emily’s staring at him and his cheeks are a little more flushed than he’d like them to be

You try to play it off with a much more casual “Are you okay?”

 He looks at you and nods, comes to sit back next to you but sits a little straighter in his seat and makes an exaggerated effort to talk to Dave

You and Aaron laugh about it when you get back to the hotel room together that night. He puts on an imitation of your voice and mimics the way you’d shouted his name, shaking his head, “You know if you’re going to react like that when I’m a cup of coffee that could be a problem in our line of work.”

You roll your eyes, “Well you’ve got a bullet proof vest for unsubs, I’m sure we can find something to protect your hands from the very real threat that is boiling water.”

He laughs, jostling you closer to him and kissing the top of your head, “So dutifully concerned. You got the worried spouse act nailed.”

“And on a plane full of profilers.”

 “They won’t say anything.”

 “No, luckily for you they respect you too much to mention it to you.”

They do mention it to him though. You manage to get past maybe another two weeks before you all go out for drinks together. Apparently, they had their suspicions, but your accidental ‘Aaron’ was all the confirmation they needed.

They’re all incredibly happy for you though. Which is nice, even if part of the reason they’re so happy is because it means they have something to tease you about.  

Spencer

You and Spencer have been close ever since you joined, what with you both being the babies of the team. It bonded you together, that and the fact you got on really well.

He always comes to either you or J.J with problems, and lately he’s been leaning on you a lot more.

But nobody really thinks all that much of it, J.J’s just had Henry and Spencer probably doesn’t want to worry about bothering her with his problems. That’s what everyone chalks it down to.

Until you’re on a case that involves drugs. Spencer’s a little on edge throughout the case and you stay with him throughout. You bring him coffees and ask him questions to help keep him distracted, stay late with him so you can focus on narrowing down the letters that have been sent in by the unsub. You don’t know all that much about handwriting analysis but you play it off as just providing a second set of eyes. Spencer really appreciates that.

Like he really appreciates that. That you easily play off your concern for him as just you helping with the case. It’s said with such ease and so convincingly that he almost believes it and that takes the pressure off, makes him feel less like a burden.

He manages to keep himself together while you work the case. You keep a watchful eye on him, not suffocating him or hovering, just making sure he knows you’re close by.

And everybody thinks you’re just being a supportive friend, because J.J is there to lend a hand too.

It’s not until the end of the case, when the unsub has been caught, interviewed, everything is wrapped up, that he lets himself fall apart a little.

You’re headed back to the hotel room you and Emily have been sharing, when you come back to find Spencer stood outside of it.

He opens his mouth to speak but the words don’t come out.

“It’s okay,” you say, taking a step to close the gap between you, “Can I?”

He nods.

You wrap your arms around him, holding him just the right amount of tight. And he practically falls into your arms, clasping your body to his. His eyes squeeze shut and this look of contentment. The tension in his body releases for the first time in days. You have one hand resting on his back, holding close to you. The other is smoothing down the errant curls of his hair.

“I’m so proud of you Spence,” you murmur, “I’m so proud of you.”

Emily gets off the elevator and, yeah maybe it’s not such an unusual sight to see you embracing. Unusual for Spencer but after a difficult case like that it’s more than understandable.

No,it’s when he opens his eyes slightly that it clicks for her.

The safety he feels, the warmth, the trust, everything that’s conveyed in his eyes. It’s a look of a man who knows he’s home.

Morgan

 You’re pretty sure that everybody on the team at least knows that Morgan has a crush on you.

 He’s never really been very subtle about it in all honesty, he’s been incredibly protective of you since you joined, has gone out of his way to make you feel included and make you laugh and just take care of you however he could.

 Somehow you were the only person who hadn’t realised how he felt about you.

 And when that changed, after a particularly tough case when you leaned into him and he looked at you and you got a little too close and he kissed you and…

Well, after that, you did kind of see what he meant by “Not being sure how much more obvious he could be about it”

It’s after your fourth sleepover together that he says it, “Wanna ride into work together?”

“And people will think we’re coming in together becaaaause?”

Baby, everybody knows I’m crazy about you.”

“Yeah they know you’re crazy about me, I think I’ve done a little bit better a job keeping myself together.

He rolls his eyes, he knows you’re right and it equal parts irritates and impresses him that you’re the youngest of them all, have the least experience, and somehow have managed to act like nothing has even changed between you the past few weeks.

Even though it has, by a lot.

 “Come on, please?”

 You have to give in to him then because he looks at you so softly and with so much love. And you do want to put him out of his misery of having everybody at work thinking he’s pining for someone who doesn’t have any idea about it.

 It’s just fun seeing how frustrated he gets at how well you’ve kept it together.

Luckily it’s just a day of being stuck at the office with paperwork, you only got back from a case two days ago and the serial killers of America seem to be allowing you one kindness.

Morgan has his arm around you from the moment you hop out of the car.

“I thought you wanted to tell the team?”

He chuckles, kissing the top of your head, “I want to tell everybody.”

But he’s happy, he’s smiling. So you let him steer you inside, with his arm around you. He greets absolutely everybody you pass whose name he knows, and one guy whose name you don’t know but he claims ‘either works in homicide or sex crimes and definitely spends way too long staring at your ass whenever he drops by.’

Emily, Rossi, and Spencer are all sat at their desks when you come in.

“Good morning,” He greets loudly, making sure to get their attention.

“Morgan!” You chastise him.

Emily grins when she looks up and spots you, “Well look who finally made his move.”

“Two weeks ago actually,” he corrects, “I just wasn’t allowed to show it off before now.”

“Even better, Hotch owes me 20 bucks.”

Emily

Neither you nor Emily are out at work. And that’s fine. Really, you like it better that the rest of the team doesn’t know this aspect of your business. If anything, it makes it easier. You two can head home from a night at the bar together, or share a hotel room, or grab breakfast together in the mornings without raising any suspicion at all. Heteronormativity has very few perks, but you’re willing to admit that’s one of them.

It’s a Saturday, J.J and Garcia are off out for drinks. They tried to convince you to go to girls night but this was a Saturday night off. You had your own girls night planned.

You told them you were busy with an old friend, and Emily said she had a date (technically hers wasn’t a lie).

Dinner and wine quickly evolved into kissing on the couch though.

“You’re so pretty,” she mumbles against your lips.

“You’re prettier,” you correct her.

Your hands tangle themselves in her hair, she shifts so that she’s basically sat on your lap. The kisses are more urgent now, deeper, passionate. Her hand is on the small of your back, pulling you closer to her.

And then you hear it.

“Emily we know you’re home! The lights are on! Come and drink with us!” Comes the shout of Penelope, from the front door.

“Yeah Emily, we have tequila!” J.J slurs in support.

Naturally, being semi-tipsy adult women, you decide the best plan is for you to hide. So you creep up the stairs, deciding the spare bedroom is the safest, hiding behind the door.

Emily answers, meaning to get rid of them but before she can even react, Garcia is on her. Arms flung around her while she wails drunkenly about how happy she is that Emily’s back from her date.

“Wait! Where is he! You have sex hair!” Garcia, annoyingly observant even when hammered, notes.

Emily’s so busy being smothered in Garcia’s hugs that she doesn’t even notice J.J making her way up the stairs.

And that’s how you come face to face with her.

“_____!” she exclaims, “Wait, why are you here? This isn’t the bathroom. Garcia, ____’s here!”

And there’s no real way to explain your way out of that one. Not between Emily’s tousled hair and the fact you are hidden away upstairs. You fabricate some excuse about coming over after Emily’s date and how you’d been planning to call them to ask them to join. They’re just drunk enough, and polite enough, that they don’t press it. You know they know.

Neither of you are really too bothered that they know. Half the reason you hadn’t bothered telling them was dealing with a whole sideshow about it.

And if thinking you really don’t want them knowing stops that from happening? Well, you can both live with that.

Random Valorant Headcanons

I'm way into deep with the game rn. It's been 4 months (May 2021) since I started playing :)

I still suck tho :(

---

The youngest agents (Phoenix, Jett, Yoru) are around their early to mid 20s

The oldest agents (Viper, Brimstone) are probably around their 40s. Brimstone is likely in his late 40s or early 50s.

Everyone else is either in their mid 20s, late 20s, or early 30s

Jett is the chef everyone relies on

She can cook anything as long she has the ingredients she needs, yet sucks at baking

No one knows how Omen can eat, he just slams his head onto the table and it's gone

At least every member had a crush on Viper at one point (she's just so hot 👌😩)

Phoenix once genuinely thought Astra was a princess. Found it cute that he thought that. Yet had to break it to him that she isn't. But he still calls her "Princess" as a little nickname. So in return, Astra calls Phoenix, "Prince"

Breach is unironically good at karaoke, specifically musical theatre songs

Shortest to tallest agents (imo): Jett (5'2), Killjoy (5'3), Raze (5'3 1/2), Sage (5'4), Yoru (5'6), Astra (5'7), Reyna (5'8), Phoenix (5'10), Viper (5'10), Skye (5'11), Omen (5'11), Sova (6'0), Brimstone (6'2), Breach (6'5)

Raze is always seen stealing supplies and resources from Killjoy's lab, yet most agents just let her slide. Except for Viper and KJ, herself

Yoru and Sage get along quite well actually! With Yoru being so reckless in battle, he always sees the healer more often than anyone else. Sage sees him as a stupid brother ;)

Killjoy likes to sketch her bots a lot. Even has developed exceptional drawing skills.

To add on, she also watercolours her work. And she always puts her watercolours in mugs. Has drank from that mug a few times (maybe multiple), which landed her in the care of Sage.

Astra may or may not have a tiny crush on Raze. She finds the little bombster cute with her laughs and crazy energy.

Let's say the feeling is mutual between the two girls. Raze finds the galaxy girl very motivational and upbeat, along with her witty remarks. (I'm advocating for this rarepair now)

Jett and Skye has a little betting ring on which of Killjoy's and Raze's inventions will explode first. Jett is currently winning bc she chose Raze

Phoenix is genuinely attractive. Whenever he goes out to buy things for the protocol, people look at him like he is a model. They even asked if he works as a supermodel

Reyna isn't trusted with knives (reasons that could be explained without me writing it)

Omen said to Killjoy, "You're such a killjoy". They spent 5 minutes trying not to laugh

Btw, I ship Astra x Raze now! I'm gonna start writing fanfics for them bc I'm that desperate.

Alive Again Part 3

Harry Potter AU 

Link to Part two

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: T

______

You were the first to wake up the next morning. Turning on your side, you were relieved to see Regulus lying beside you. You smiled, resisting the urge to gently kiss him. He looked so peaceful sleeping. You reached out, stroking his cheek.

“You're staring at me again, aren’t you?”

Regulus asked, not opening his eyes. You giggled and finally pressed a kiss to his cheek. The two of you had finally fallen asleep around four am. You prayed that Astaria would sleep in. If only an hour or two later than normal would be fine. You needed some time with Regulus alone. Judging by his own desperation to keep you under him, he needed this time just as much.

“Maybe I am.”

You replied tracing your finger over his lips. He threw an arm around you to pull your body back to his.

“You’re too far away. Keep me warm, woman.”

He said opening one eye with a smirk. You threw your leg over his hip to prevent either of you from moving too far from the other.

The sound of Evan’s voice coming from the dining room got both of your attention. Regulus poked his head up first hearing his best friend.

“You know he won’t believe anything.”

You said, darkly. It didn’t take being Evan’s sister to know how he would react. Evan would believe anything that Voldemort told him and nothing Regulus would say. It didn’t matter that Regulus was his best friend and had put together some secret that the dark lord didn’t want to be figured out. Your prior thought about Evan grabbing an ankle for Voldemort returned.

Regulus stood up and began to dress.

“I know he won’t. I also don’t think my mother will enjoy being told that her way of thinking is wrong either. My suggestion, my love, is to be ready to go at a moment’s notice.”

You were fixing the bra that Regulus had torn off of you before you looked up.

“Where will we go?”

Regulus’ eyes flickered in your direction before giving you his best scowl.

“Just do what I say.”

Regulus kept his eyes on you as if silently pleading with you. He would never be the begging type and you knew it. It didn’t take growing up together to know what Regulus was and what he was not.

“Fine.”

You replied. Regulus quickly closed the distance between your body and his. His right hand tilted your face to him.

“You're still such a stubborn girl. It's no wonder that I fell so hopelessly in love with you. Like I said last night...it's time to see how brave you really are.”

Regulus followed you downstairs to the dining room. From your place by the door, you could see Walburga watching Evan interact with Astaria with an expression of approval. Evan was the closest thing that she had to Regulus when he “died.”

Astaria meanwhile was busy playing with a stuffed owl that Evan had given her. She sat happily in her uncle’s arms and would smile up at him coyly every few moments. Astaria, being only two, already knew how to work her uncle to her advantage. When Evan was around, if she wanted something then she knew who to go to. If she squeezed out a few tears and lip wiggles then BAM instant whatever it was.

“She looks so much like her father. I feel like Regulus is looking back at me sometimes.”

Evan said with a sad smile.

“Daddy’s sleeping with mummy.”

Astaria said as she continued to pet her new stuffy. Walburga’s eyes fell to her granddaughter. The older woman hadn’t said anything to Evan about Regulus being alive. She was going to leave that to her son as she still had questions that needed to be answered too.

“What did you say, sweetpea?”

Evan asked, wanting to make sure that he had heard his niece right. The little girl looked up with a sassy frown. At two years old, she didn’t like repeating herself.

“Daddy is sleeping with mummy.”

Regulus nudged your forward when Evan’s face went white. He had heard his niece right. What did that mean? There was no way…

The moment that Regulus walked into the room with you, Evan nearly passed out. He rubbed his hands over his eyes a few times. Evan wondered if this was actually some drunken dream and not reality.

“See?”

Astaria said, not bothering to look up at her uncle’s stunned face. All that she knew was her daddy and mummy were right across the room. That was all that mattered other than petting her new toy.

“Regulus…”

Evan stuttered. You knew your brother was within an inch of losing it.

“I felt the same way, Evan. This is no joke.”

Regulus didn’t meet his mother’s gaze. He kept his attention locked on Evan’s petrified face.

“How are you alive? The dark lord said…”

Regulus motioned for you to get Astaria. He was ready for this conversation to go south very quickly. When Evan Rosier was backed into a corner, he would be the first to last out at anyone that was nearby. Now he was about to be told that he was in the wrong on everything...he would resume his “ready to kill” temper. Regulus would make god damn sure that Evan wouldn’t lay an unloving hand on you or Astaria.

“You need to find new friends.”

Regulus said, casually. Evan’s shocked expression turned into confusion.

“What is that supposed to me?”

“Exactly what I said. I didn’t stutter.”

Regulus snapped as you returned to his side. Evan stood up as his mind was finally able to begin to work again.

“Are you saying that you doubt our master?”

Regulus chuckled.

“He isn’t nothing to me of that nature.”

Walburga was the next one to speak. She was tired of her youngest son ignoring her and she was not to be ignored anymore.

“Regulus Arcturus Black, what are you saying?”

Regulus turned his attention back to his mother. He was about to rock her world and for once he didn’t care. This time Regulus would not try to calm his mother so she wouldn’t lose her temper. Walburga could go crazy for all Regulus cared. She could scream, throw things, cry like a baby if she wanted but Walburga was about to be told.

“I’m saying that everything you ever taught me, everything that I ever believed is wrong. Both of you are foolish for believing in a thing that Voldemort has to say. Evan, if you were smart you would grab something valuable and run for it.”

Evan looked disgusted by his best friend’s words.

“What happened to you while you were at the bottom of that lake? Did almost becoming an inferi teach you nothing? The dark lord is not to be messed with and what you are saying is a one-way ticket to death...that you won’t escape from.”

Regulus only blinked.

“Are you threatening me? I suppose you are going to run right to Voldemort and tell him everything? I guess I should be frightened. Tell him that I said hello and know his secret.”

Evan’s surprised expression had turned furious.

“Y/n, get away from him. Get Astaria and come to me at once.”

You looked between Evan, Walburga, and Regulus. Stepped closer to Regulus, you let him wrap his arm around your waist. He gently took Astaria into his arms tucking her head against his shoulder.

“My place is with my husband.”

You stated defiantly. Evan was seething.

“You’ll be hunted like animals. If you think that I won’t tell him the truth...you’re both mistaken.”

Evan started for you but was stopped when Regulus hexed him.

“Do what you have to.”

He replied before turning his attention to his mother.

“Au revoir, mere.” (good bye, mother)

Regulus quickly apparated the three of you from Grimmauld Place. The next thing that you knew, you were standing outside of a small brick home.

“Reggie, where are we?”

You questioned as he placed your daughter back in your arms. Astaria was looking around, totally confused herself. Regulus glanced over his shoulder before knocking on the door. He chose not to respond. Regulus could have told you that you were about to see him “kiss ass” but decided not to.

“Somewhere safe.”

A moment later, Sirius opened the door. His mouth fell the moment that he saw his younger brother, whom he thought was dead on his doorstep. Sirius blinked a few times before being able to close his mouth.

“Please tell me that you are real.”

Regulus reached out and pinched Sirius’ arm hard causing the older brother to yelp.

“Is that real enough for you?”

Regulus questioned. Sirius nodded before meeting your gaze. The two of you haven't spoken since before you married Regulus. He had tried to persuade you to say no to the engagement. There were no romantic intentions (you knew that he was happy with Remus) instead, it was Sirius worrying about your safety.

“Y/n!”

His eyes finally fell on the niece that he didn’t know that he had. Sirius didn’t have to ask questions. He knew that was his niece.

“Can we come in?”

Regulus finally asked. He was getting the hint that Sirius was still in a state of shock and the whole “being safe” thing was beginning to evaporate.

Sirius quickly moved aside. This was something that he never expected. After he received your owl about Regulus dying, he couldn't get back to you. It was exactly what Sirius said would happen.

“Sweetie, he is so in deep with the death eaters that you will end up a widow by 20.”

Now it appeared that he was wrong about everything. His little brother was alive. He still looked as cocky and arrogant as he did the last time that Sirius tried to talk him out of joining the death eaters. Sirius tried not to let his mind go there but he couldn't help it…

“Don’t do it, Regulus. I’m begging you. You can come to our side. No one will hurt you. You're my brother and I can’t let anything happen to you.”

Regulus stood with his hood up. All that Sirius could see was his mouth and chin. Regulus did everything that he could to conceal his identity.

“I am no one to you. You made that perfectly clear years ago.”

Sirius wanted nothing more than to grab Regulus and shake him.

“You know that isn’t true. I begged you to come with me. I could have taken care of you.”

Regulus sneered.

“No, you wouldn’t. You would ignore my existence just like you do at school. Don’t you dare say you won't because you fucking do. It's too late anyway.”

Sirius was going to regret asking but he had to.

“What about Y/n? Do you want to make her a widow by the time the two of you are 20?”

Regulus chuckled.

“We have an understanding.”

He quickly unbuttoned the cuff of his shirt enough to pull the sleeve up. Sirius looked ill the moment that his eyes landed on the dark mark...just like that his innocent baby brother was gone never to return….

It was Remus that pulled Sirius from one of his worst memories. Remus had been reading a new book but was staring at Regulus. He too was clearly stunned and confused by the youngest Black brother’s apparent existence.

“I’m confused.”

Remus stuttered. He met your gaze then froze the moment that he saw the little girl in your arms. He had no idea that you were pregnant. Sirius said nothing about it. From the heartbroken expression on Sirius’ face, Remus knew that his lover didn’t know. Had he known, Sirius would never have missed this much time in her life.

Regulus sighed.

“I am going to say this once and will never speak of it again. You all were right about the dark lord.”

Sirius blinked. Had this situation been different, he would have said something snarky. Today he couldn’t.

“It's taken you a long time to figure this out.”

Remus said, calmly. Regulus smirked.

“This long and lying at the bottom of a lake nearly drowned helped me come to my senses.”

Remus winced and found that he was unable to meet Sirius’ gaze. Sirius had blamed himself for Regulus’ fate since the day that he got the letter from you about his death. There had been many nights that Sirius would cry himself out of tears after drinking all of the alcohol in the house. Only Remus knew this fact…

“I don’t think Astaria should be hearing this.”

You said, gently. Sirius nodded. The little girl was looking intently between her father and Remus.

Sirius stepped forward and knelt down to Astaria’s level. You had sat her down a moment before. She had waddled over to Regulus’ leg and was holding onto his robes.

“Hi, there sweetheart. I am your uncle Sirius. Do you like ice cream?”

Astaria nodded but didn’t let go of her father. Sirius smirked. There was no DNA test needed on who this child belonged to. She had that same calculating reserved expression that Regulus wore 95% of the time.

“It's alright.”

Regulus said, gently to the child. Astaria finally nodded. Sirius met your gaze with a smile.

“I have some ice cream if you want to go to the kitchen.”

You stepped forward and picked the little girl up.

“That will be nice. I’ll let you all talk. It's nothing that I don’t already know.”

Sirius waited until you were out of the room to face his little brother. He had to fight the urge to hug the little jerk until he begged for mercy. Sirius motioned to the couch.

“Sit down. I want to know what you have to say before I go buy myself a world’s best uncle mug.”

_______

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literally just a giant post of Bakugou faces.

today, 4/20 (actually it is very much still only 4/19 over here, but to heck with it, we’re getting an early start dammit), is Bakugou Katsuki’s birthday. and as someone who loves Bakugou and who also hasn’t found much worth rejoicing about in April 2020 in general, it’s important to me to celebrate the shit out of this day. but these are strange times and I am le tired, and so what my tired brain ended up arriving at was “just do a post about how much you love his stupid face.”

so these are my favorite Bakugou faces. I stopped after Kacchan vs. Deku because this post was already like 100k words (slight exaggeration) with like 40,000 faces (slight), and because this already took forever and the next 130-something chapters were only going to have about one fifth as many good faces compared to the first 120, even though there are some good ones there still to be sure. but anyway, so there are no spoilers here. 

happy birthday Kacchan, and happy birthday to Kacchan’s angsty side profile with his hair covering his eyes.

why I like it: he scured.

lol but seriously. because up until this point he’s just been a complete asshole. even after he gets grabbed by sludgeman, he’s all “AS IF I’D LET THIS MUDMAN TAKE MY BODY FOR HIMSELF”, and he’s all feral-looking, and at first you’re like “eh he’ll be fine.” but then along comes this panel to serve as our narrator saying “he was not fine.” because he really is not. and on the page before this too, you can see how tired and desperate his struggles are starting to get. and absolutely no one is trying to help him. and he’s fighting, he’s straining, but he can’t. fucking. breathe.

and then this panel. and he’s just a kid. he looks so very, very young here, like this is the youngest he looks throughout the entire series except for in his flashbacks, and it’s because all the pride and bluster and anger are stripped away and he’s just a boy underneath it and he’s scared. “you looked like you needed saving.” exactly. exactly. and for Katsuki to actually ask for help is so rare. so you know that when he does ask (and he absolutely was begging for someone to come help him even though he couldn’t vocalize it. credit to Horikoshi for conveying all of that emotion in a single panel), he really, really needs it. thankfully there was one person watching who finally snapped himself out of that “a hero’s bound to come along soon” mindset that had everyone else gripped, and realized that he needed to be that hero.

why I like it: because he’s humiliated and fairly shaken up and also the most handsome he’s looked up until this point, but most of all he’s just chewing his lip and being all “god fucking dammit did fucking Deku really just save me, fuck my life, why is the universe fucking dumb.” like even after this hugely traumatizing experience, he’s incredibly resilient to the point where after he calms down, his lingering emotions are mainly just “smdh this is a new level of irritated even for me.” he is so brave and thickheaded and tough and absurdly, ridiculously petty jesus christ.

why I like it: like the old man said. his face just screams “I’m a rotten thief.”

there’s so much personality in this one expression. and then it’s juxtaposed against proto!Katsuki who I really desperately just want to punch in the face. just. my son my be a dick, but by god he’s an honest dick.

why I like it: baby?? cute baby??? mine?? my baby?!?

he’s just like. “I got it all figured out. gosh I’m so good at life.” that is the face of a child who has never encountered a single difficulty in his very young existence. everything is easy and he expects to be good at everything and he always is and he’s so, so pleased with himself. with a kid that little you really don’t want to go and shatter their dreams just yet, but maybe someone should have taken him down just a peg or two before it all got out of hand. alas. he was so cute that nobody wanted to and I can’t even blame them because he’s just that fucking cute, though.

why I like it: this is a very underrated panel which I think most people probably don’t even recall. it’s from chapter 11 just after he loses to Deku and Iida, and specifically right after Momo just completely lays into him and explains in vivid detail exactly how stupid every single one of his decisions was lmao. and it’s like he’s just had his eyes opened. he talks about her speech later, too, so it clearly had an impact.

there is no pride here at all. initially when I was reading this, I thought he was still shell-shocked. but looking back at it, and knowing what I do now about his unexpected willingness to accept criticism (something I certainly wouldn’t have expected during my first readthrough of this chapter), I think this is also a genuine “!” face as he realizes that she’s completely fucking right. YOU DONE GOOFED SON. but it’s okay because he learned from it!

also look how big his eyes are. when they get all wide like that. it’s so rare that I have to appreciate each and every time it happens. also he has no right to have such thick eyelashes. goddammit.

why I like it: because he’s strongest at his moment of weakness! because he’s upset but he learned from it! because he is such a strikingly human character with such complex emotions and there’s such a lovely mix of them on display here and that shit is my weakness! because this is when I signed the adoption papers (well, had them finalized after I initially obtained them after the “you looked like you needed saving” face in chapter 1, at least)!! because he always cries in front of Deku and doesn’t get embarrassed, but then he does get embarrassed if anyone else shows up! because his emotions around Deku are so raw and out of control! because the intensity of them is as compelling as it is confusing! but mostly because someone showing fierce determination while simultaneously showing intense vulnerability is basically the cheat code to unlocking my heart, and also the best thing anyone can ever draw in a shounen manga. thank you I’ll take infinity of them.

why I like it: because half of 1-A saw this face and instantly thought “fuck that’s hot” and then went “!! oh fuck me” but it was too late! that’s right kids. even knowing firsthand what a trashpile he can be, you’re still not immune to his charms. that confidence, though.

why I like it: the face of a boy who has just realized that holy shit, there are other people in his class. nothing gets past him. his reflexes are too fast.

why I like it: the slow motion (this is such a cool moment even if it’s at his expense lol), and the fact that this is such a weird and totally unique expression, and yet he somehow almost manages to make it look good. actually he does make it look good, let’s be real. of course, this was back when Horikoshi had more time to roll up his sleeves and really get into the art. look at all that shading goddamn.

why I like it: he cares!! he has feelings!! he has concern about someone other than him omfg whaaaaaat.

he’s so unsettled by what he just heard about Todoroki. the guy who was so strong and cool turned out to have an absolutely horrifying shounen protagonist past that he never let on about. honestly this scene is one of the reasons why I’m so strongly in favor of not interpreting Katsuki’s parents as abusive; because I just really like the character arc of him actually having a pretty good childhood, all things considered, but still having all these problems. because sometimes people actually do have everything going for them and yet they still screw up, because people are only human and sometimes you can fuck up (or be fucked up) even on easy mode! and if that happens it doesn’t mean you’re any more to blame, or more worthy of derision or scorn, or that you already had your chance so screw you, or any of that! anyway so that’s just such an interesting and relatively rare thing to explore and so I like it.

anyway. so just, the idea of him thinking of Todoroki as someone who had it made all his life, only to realize that’s not actually the case at all and that he’s actually the privileged one in comparison, just makes for a really great character-building moment. it’s a really big wake up call for him, especially given that he’s so often just wrapped up in himself and his own concerns still at this stage of the game. and it’s a moment that has a lasting impact on him and that he doesn’t forget, and it helps contribute to him starting to learn more empathy.

why I like it: my child is rabid please help.

but he’s so happy to have Ochako prove to be such an unexpectedly worthwhile opponent. she was sneaky and she nearly got him and he only just made it out by the skin of his teeth and fuck yes, that was awesome. he was really ready to throw down some more with her and it was gonna be the highlight of his fucking day. I just love seeing him acknowledge other people’s strength, because we know the value he places on being strong. so that’s a ton of respect from him, and Ochako fucking earned it, and this is just a great moment.

why I like it: just casually spittin facts and launching ships. nothing to see here move along.

why I like it: for everyone reblogging that one scene of shoujou!Bakugou from the anime over and over again, I just want to remind you all that as great as that scene is, we shouldn’t forget that in the manga he can be effortlessly handsome without even trying.

why I like it: as I said above.

why I like it: another one of the infamous “haah!?” faces. whenever he does these that one raised-eyebrow eye always goes so wide, and even though he’s trying to look like a pissed off thug it always makes him look surprisingly young instead.

also I’m not crazy for seriously wondering if Horikoshi’s art peaked all the way back in the sports festival arc though, right?? you honestly can’t find a bad panel even if you specifically go out and look for them.

why I like it: babyyyy.

I still don’t get how anyone could watch this scene and not get that he was way more upset than he was actually angry. he looks like he’s about to cry honestly.

why I like it: MY PRECIOUS SON’S ANGELIC SLEEPING FACE. all tuckered out. he’s had a hard day.

but seriously when you smooth out all of the >:O it is amazing how young he actually looks though. this one panel is shaded in such a way that you can see that he still has baby fat in his cheeks!! he’s just a little boy! HE IS A LITTLE CHILD LIKE THE REST OF THEM AND YOU MADE HIM PARTICIPATE IN THESE HUNGER GAMES AND HE KICKED ASS AND THEN GOT SAD AND YOU MADE HIM SLEEP AND CHAINED HIM TO A POST WHEN HE WOKE UP ANGRY AND TRYING TO BITE PEOPLE. anyways what a whirlwind of events huh.

why I like it: this child is literally trembling. he has been shaken to his very core. also for real though how did Jeanist even do that. anyways great internship or greatest internship.

why I like it: this is from chapter 60, right after he basically declares war on Deku and says he’ll crush him during final exams. then he turns around and is just like AND LET’S NOT FORGET THIS ASSHOLE HERE!!! and his eyes are practically bulging out and Todoroki just has his trademark “!!!” totally blank stare. this panel fully kills me guys.

why I like it: how was he THE CUTEST CHILD WHO EVER LIVED?? look at his little fists?! I can’t even deal with this???

why I like it: I actually like this one even more than the more iconic “the strongest heroes always win in the end” panel right below it, because in this panel you can more clearly see that he was crying quite a lot (he was only six!!), but it seems to me that it was more because of the unfairness of it than because he was hurt. even though he was hurt. but these jerks bumped into him and then acted like it was his fault, and it was two against one and he was much younger than them and IT’S JUST ROUGH YOU GUYS! LIFE IS HARD WHEN YOU’RE SIX! but he’s a little tough guy though so he scrubs the tears away in this very clumsy and boyish fashion because HE WON ANYWAY SO TAKE THAT! he is so little but already so determined.

why I like it: his eyes are just so intense all the time. even when it’s not an intense moment at all. also the dot shading here is so cool.

why I like it: okay so technically it’s the back of his head and not his face. but I feel like the fact that Kacchan was twitching and flinching and shaking too doesn’t get enough attention in this scene. he and Todo were both wigging out here and I love it. during the third light novel he also gets freaked out by the whole Disney Channel “we were telling a ghost story but now it seems like the story has come to life” plot that goes on at one point, just fyi. Kacchan is absolutely that kid who will refuse to watch scary movies just because “they’re dumb” and definitely NOT because he is scared, how fucking dare you sir.

why I like it: because this is the first of many scenes in this arc and the next arc in which he is freaking out but doing an excellent job of covering it up with his natural ferocity. he and Shouto have just come across one of their classmates’ arms lying in the middle of the path being chewed on by a villain in a straitjacket. his first reaction is to ask Shouto which of their classmates had been out on the path in front of them. he has immediately put two and two together, and he is immediately ready to throw hands with this dude, rules or no rules. but you can see the shading over his eyes though, and I think that -- along with the sweat visible on his face -- is a huge indicator of how horrifying this actually is to him.

why I like it: because this blank “processing...” expression that he sometimes gets when a lot of people are talking at once and he’s not really sure but he is pretty sure that he doesn’t like where this is heading, is my favorite.

why I like it: because even now it’s still ambiguous just what exactly was the prevailing emotion in these eyes and this expression, and the prevailing sentiment behind the “stay back.” I happen to think it was fear! not the same overwhelming, helpless fear as the 14-year-old who was caught up in the sludge, but a very on-edge, controlled-panic fear of a 16-year-old who’s trying to remain in control because he’s a hero in training now. and I think the “stay back” is the “stay back” of a boy who knows the look in that other boy’s eyes, and knows that it’s no use this time. it’s not protective, and it’s not hostile or defensive either. it’s just... resigned. don’t do it, Deku. that could have been the last thing he ever said to him, and it was measured and brave even through his fear and I love him so much.

why I like it: this is one which has to be viewed in juxtaposition with the panel immediately above it lol. Tomura looks like he could literally stare a man to death with those crazy eyes, and Kacchan is comparison just looks so ridiculously young and small and out of his league. but he doesn’t crack. but his eyes are super wide and even the shadows underneath them are stressed almost to their breaking point. like I’m screwed I’m screwed I’m so goddamn fucking screwed oh shit. my baby, guh. this was such a fucking scary experience though for real??

why I like it: same deal as above lol. this whole situation just keeps getting worse and worse, and here he’s just probing for more information while simultaneously trying to buy himself more time to think of a miracle plan. there really isn’t much chance of him getting out of here unscathed at this point (or at least there wouldn’t have been if the heroes hadn’t shown up), but I don’t think he’s letting himself think about that yet. but I’m sure it’s there at the back of his mind all the same.

why I like it: this is my favorite Bakugou face ever. SO MANY EMOTIONS. All Might came to save him! his hero!! he beat the bad guys (or so they think for that brief moment anyway) and it’s all okay now! he was alone but now he’s not anymore and All Might is there! and he is relieved, and he actually lets his guard down to show it for just a split second! his lip is trembling! I don’t think he even realizes for a moment, and then he does, and he immediately goes all tough guy again and the moment is gone! but while it’s there! it’s so much! I have never so badly wanted to hug a fictional character in my life.

why I like it: don’t you think this person could one day inspire thousands of others. do you see this courage in those eyes. the way he pushes past fear and panic and fatigue. don’t think, don’t doubt. just win.

why I like it: by now you have probably detected a pattern of me liking all of the Kamino faces because he was going through so many emotions that for once the walls just couldn’t keep up. he always looks so much younger when he’s not making >: faces. everything just smooths out. I also like that Horikoshi never makes his expressions symmetrical; he almost always has one eye wider than the other, eyebrows doing different things, stuff like that.

also this is when he sees All Might’s true form for the first time, and you can just see it hit him like a punch to the gut. All Might weakened; All Might weakened because of him; All Might might lose (!?!); All Might might die???? Katsuki’s entire world is falling apart in an instant, and in this moment he’s just a little boy.

why I like it: it beginsss. the angstening.

he’s not even resisting the hand guiding him. none of his usual unruliness or general aura of barely-checked rage. he just looks tired. and completely lost in his own thoughts. which as we now know were not good. I cannot fucking believe we had to wait another 25 chapters after this to finally get this kid a damn hug.

why I like it: because Bakugou Mitsuki is fulfilling my (and dating sim!Momo’s) lifelong dream of ruffling Bakugou Katsuki’s (spiky yet fluffy!!) hair. and all he can do is just chew his lip and halfheartedly glare at her all “mooooooOOOOmmm.” he doesn’t even really look pissed off here (because it’s hard to be mad when someone is talking about how worried they were about you and how relieved they are that you’re safe now, especially when that someone is your mom who isn’t normally the type to be so open about this kind of stuff at all), just begrudgingly grumpy. and I swear to god his bottom lip is made of fucking rubber the way he moves it around, just look at it.

why I like it: those eyelashes though!?!? [grabs Katsuki by the shoulders and shakes him roughly] WHY ARE YOUR EYES SO PRETTY.

why I like it: this is right after he found out he flunked the license exam, and you can see how upset he is. obviously we now know that shortly thereafter he went and had a complete meltdown. and buddy if you keep grinding your teeth like that, your dentist is also going to have a meltdown.

and yet again Horikoshi manages to strike this uncanny balance between making him look pissed off and making him look like he’s trying very, very hard not to cry. he just failed, again. it’s like the whole world is screaming at him over and over again that he’s not hero material at all.

why I like it: because he drags Deku out to the middle of nowhere and is all “I know you have All Might’s power and we’re gonna fight”, and Deku protests, and you expect Kacchan’s reaction to be just about anything other than what it actually is. this is as close to pleading as Katsuki is ever going to get. he may not be drowning in sludge but he is still desperate.

why I like it: this may be the best Katsuki that Horikoshi has ever drawn.

why I like it: super ultra mega unpopular opinion: I like this panel even more than THE PANEL!! that follows shortly after it. I am a sucker for when Horikoshi does this thing where he shows Katsuki’s face from a side profile, and his eyes are covered by his hair so you can’t see his full expression, but you know it is something vulnerable because he only ever does this when Katsuki is trying to hide his vulnerability. I could make a whole separate post just about these hair-covering-eyes faces lol. but out of all of them this is my absolute favorite. I can hear Okamoto’s voice acting in my head just looking at it.

why I like it: because it is THE PANEL. he finally broke completely; he let the walls fall away; he couldn’t hide it any longer. he’s so unbelievably torn up about this; he hates himself for it and feels like a failure; he’s lost and doesn’t have the faintest idea how to find his path again. he ended the Symbol of Peace. he was weak and wrong, and Deku was strong and right, and he can’t even hate Deku for it anymore, he just wants to understand what it is that he keeps doing wrong, why it is that he keeps failing.

why I like it: it’s, uuuuuh, angst.

lol it’s funny because at the beginning of the series, it was always Deku who was always crying at the drop of a hat. and to be fair this is still true. but Katsuki also cries way more than I would ever expect a rival character in a shounen manga to cry. and specifically he has cried every single time he’s had a dramatic and overly emotional altercation like this with Deku (and that’s three separate times now). is it because he’s always felt like he has less to hide around Deku? or because his Deku Emotions are so much more intense and volatile than his other emotions? at any rate, whatever it is, if this happens one more time (and I guarantee you it will too because A Certain Someone still hasn’t officially made an apology yet) he will officially lose all authority to ever call Deku out for being a crybaby again. meanwhile poor All Might will just be beside himself. I’m sorry dude, both of your children are just like this, you just gotta deal with it and accept their feelings.

why I like it: HE FINALLY GOT HIS HUG, BLESS.

and more hair covering his eyes! and chewing of the lip! and his head is bowed so much here, he fully allowed himself to be pulled into this hug and to accept this gesture of comfort for once in his life, just for a moment! after everything he was feeling, everything he was beating himself up over, All Might comes and tells him it’s not your fault. and there’s still so much guilt there, but he needs to hear this so badly that he accepts it all the same. meanwhile he is also CRYING AGAIN!? because this was the chapter where Horikoshi said “I am going to put all of the angst and cathartic conflict resolution into a single fight and it’s going to be the best thing ever” and it really was. do you even understand how much I love this. do you??

why I like it: OH GOSH I FORGOT ABOUT THIS, THIS IS MY OTHER FAVORITE KATSUKI HAIR-COVERING-EYES PANEL.

oh no. he’s ruffling his own spiky fluffy hair. he’s tired and he’s beat up (and whose fault is that lmao) and he’s learning all kinds of new things about himself today. he’s got basically nothing left in the tank, but for the first time in ages he has his path laid out in front of him again and he knows the way to start moving forward. he has been absolved of his guilt, the guilt which was eating a hole away inside of him. and all of a sudden he realizes -- it occurs to him -- hey, All Might finally admitted it, he really did give his power to Deku. but it’s still a secret though, isn’t it? it’s important, isn’t it? and so he tells them, hey, look, I get it, I won’t say anything, you don’t have to worry. it’s partially gratitude -- he owes so much to All Might and it’s ridiculous, that’s a fucking debt right there, and this is the least and only thing he can offer right now in return -- and it’s partially just... the right thing to do. like, common sense. honorable and shit. and it’s not like it’s a big deal or anything. but just, let them know.

I love his side profile so much and I love his hair and his ear and the scuffs on his face and his beaten up hand and his hunched up shoulders and him being soft and trying not to show how soft he’s being and he is precious.

BONUS:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY HANDS IN POCKETS GRUMPY TRIANGLE EYES ROVING FERAL HOG SON, I LOVE YOU.

You Drive Me Nuts

-> Pairings: Jeongguk x Reader -> Fluff // College!AU  -> Word Count: 2.1k -> Summary: With great powers comes great responsibility. And yes, an EpiPen is a responsibility, Jeon Jeongguk. -> Warnings: mild language // responsible use of an EpiPen for an irresponsible reason.

A/N: I have no clue what the process is through anaphylaxis once it gets to the doctors, so I tried my best. I hope you enjoy! 

*

*

You told him.

You’ve told him on more than one occasion.

You’ve reminded Jeongguk multiple times that it is in no way acceptable for him to eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup when he’s allergic to peanuts! He’s 20yrs old, for Christ sake, you shouldn’t have to remind him what he can and cannot eat! Any sane person would think, ‘Oh no, that’ll make my throat close up and I could die’ and turn the candy offer down.

But no.

Not this idiot.

He’s apparently a psychopath!

You were just studying in the cafe waiting for the other boys to join you before you get your food. No harm in that at all. They were always late cutting across campus, so getting some homework out of the way or a quick study session never hurt. Normal day.

Not a problem.

As soon as they all began to make their appearances, you had put away your working materials so you’d be ready to get something to eat. As soon as they all arrived, it was left to Jeongguk to watch your belongings since he was the last to arrive at the table. Nothing new, it was usually between him, Taehyung, and Namjoon to watch the table. Not only that, but he was more than happy to take a seat at the table. You figured he was tired from running across the campus and just wanted to sit. Nothing to worry about.

You should have worried.

You all left him alone for a total of maybe 15 minutes. 15 minutes to get your food so you could enjoy the rest of your day, 15 minutes so he could sit and watch your belongings, 15 minutes for him to be a regular adult, and apparently 15 minutes for him to contemplate asking the table next to yours for the Reese’s and have it open and in one hand with his EpiPen in the other by the time you got back.

“Jeon Jeongguk! You put that Reese’s cup down and wash your hands right now! Are you crazy?!” Your outburst not only catches his attention, but those around you as well. Multiple eyes are on you including his, but his eyes are staring into yours in fear, contemplation, and partial regret. 

Jimin comes up next to you with his own lunch, stopping when he sees the predicament. He sighs, “He cannot be serious.” 

It’s almost as if you can see the gears turning in Jeongguk’s head, contemplating if he should make his next move or not. You can see the longing in his eyes, and a part of you already knows what he’s about to do before he does it. He pops the treat into his mouth in one bite, and the look of pure joy and elation tells you this exact situation could - and will - happen again. He shouldn’t look as pleased as he does slamming a needle into his thigh, but his smile is all you need to see.

“Jimin, call an ambulance!” You order, rushing to your friend - soon to be dead friend - and dropping your lunch on the table next to him. A million thoughts are running through your head as you take the seat next to him, watching the stupid bunny smile appear on his face. Your first immediate reaction is to choke him, but he’s about to do that himself. So, instead, you settle for hitting the back of his head. “Are you insane?! What possessed you to do that, you psychopath?!”

“My mom never let me eat them, so I-” He coughs, beginning to feel the effects of his allergy trying to battle the epinephrine. “-I wanted to try one…”

“She didn’t let you eat them because YOU ARE ALLERGIC!” You rage. You’re almost completely dumbfounded by this man’s absolute stupidity. How he made it to college, you could never understand after this. You grab his face in your hands and squish his cheeks together to look into his mouth at the back of his throat. “Any good, sensible mother-! No. Scratch that. Any good, sensible PERSON wouldn’t let you eat one!”

He fights a smile, his face still trapped between your hands, “Worth it.”

As the other boys get back from getting their food, they all begin to close in on what happened with the youngest member of the squad. Namjoon, ever the responsible adult he is, sighs when he catches sight of the used EpiPen and the crumpled Reese’s wrapper next to it. “Jeongguk, what the fuck?”

“What did you do?!” Jin cries, setting his food on the table to take the other side of your ‘patient’. His mother’s intuition kicks in as he takes over your role of nurse, “Are you stupid or something?”

Yoongi takes a seat at the table next to the discarded trays and starts eating, completely unbothered. Shoving a french fry in his mouth, he turns to the rest of the group that is still unsure as to what they should do in the situation. “Make a note, everyone. As soon as he gets out of the hospital, I’m killing him.”

While the others begin to have a seat or discuss the current dilemma, Jeongguk turns to you with seemingly tired eyes full of mischief, “(Y/n)...I can see the light.” His voice has a slight croak to it, and every breath has a slight wheeze.

“Good. Walk into it.” Is your answer petty? Absolutely. But you can't help but glare at him for the stunt he just pulled, especially when he’s trying to hit you with puppy dog eyes. “Don’t pout at me. You deserve this.”

It only takes about 10 more minutes for the ambulance to arrive on campus to pick up the idiot next to you. Which is good, because his breathing was only getting harder and more erratic as you waited with him even after having him lay down to clear his airways a little more. He tried to be cool the entire time they were adjusting him onto the gurney, cracking jokes and flashing the occasional hand sign at Tae’s phone while he took pictures for his Snapchat, but you could tell he was feeling the consequences of his actions when they administered oxygen to him.

*

*

*

After a short ride to the hospital, an hour and a half of sitting in the waiting room of the ER doing homework, and half an hour waiting for Jeongguk to wake up and finish getting scolded by the doctor’s and nurses for his stupid actions, you’re finally left alone with him again on a small couch by the window of his room. His hair isn’t as nicely kept as it was this morning, his street clothes were replaced with a hospital gown at some point during his visit and placed in the bag next to his bed, and his overall appearance just looks completely exhausted. Even so, he looks a lot better than he did at lunch.  

“You know, I thought that would go a lot better.” He admits with a chuckle, breaking the silence that was left in your room. A shy smile adorns his face as he plays with the piece of equipment on his finger.

You, however, are not amused, “How did you expect it to go any better, Guk? You are severely allergic to peanuts.”

He sighs, “I meant as far as the embarrassment.”

“Oh, you mean a 20 year old man getting scolded by 40 year old doctors and nurses for eating a peanut butter cup because you were never allowed to have them? Did you think you would just magically not be allergic?” You ask, genuinely interested to hear what his excuse was. In your opinion, there was no excuse. What he did was stupid and wreckless, and you have half a mind to beat the crap out of him for the stunt he pulled. Who did he think he was to scare you like that?

“It can happen…” He shrugs. It was more than obvious that he really didn’t think much of his actions, and that annoyed you more than anything.

“Jeongguk.”

He doesn’t move. He just continues staring at the equipment attached to him as if you weren’t in the room. His childish ignorance was hitting your last nerve at this point. You couldn’t stop yourself from standing up and crossing to his bed.

“Look at me.” You demand. You wait for him to raise his head, giving you a clear view of the frown on his face. You ignore how he looks at you in favor of grabbing onto his face. He had to know you were serious, and he wasn’t going to back out of this. “Don’t you ever do something that could literally kill you in minutes ever again. Do you understand me? I’m not playing with you. You scared the shit out of me!”

“I won’t, I promise.” You hear him loud and clear, you watch him nod and smile in affirmation, but you can’t help but feel helpless. You could’ve stopped him if you’d moved faster, then you could’ve beaten the sense into him before he ended up in the hospital. But here he was, almost 3 hours later with an IV and a drip running into him. The anger that’s been festering all day has finally settled within you, and you feel the tears welling up before you can pull yourself back together.

This of course sets Jeongguk into panic when he sees the glistening of your eyes staring into his own. “Hey! Why are you crying?! Our friendship handbook didn’t mention crying!” He couldn’t handle himself crying, let alone another human being crying at him. In an attempt to soothe you, he places his hands over yours as they rest on his cheeks, rubbing small circles into your skin.

You look away from him, hiding your face before the tears can really start to fall, “It’s in the fine print asshole.” 

“Well, why are you crying if I’m okay?” He asks. You refuse to look at him, not wanting to look at him after all the pain he’s caused you thus far, but he wasn’t about to let you cry without knowing what’s really wrong with you. He releases your hands from his and lets them fall while he moves into a different position, getting close enough to you so he can take your face in between his hands like you’d done to him - granted, yours was a lot more harsh than his. He turns your head so he can look at you, waiting until your eyes finally meet his before he smiles, “Hey, you can tell me what’s wrong.”

You can’t help but let the tears fall with the way he looks at you, “You just looked so beaten up and pale, and your breathing just kept getting worse as we waited, and-” You choke back a sob, “-I don’t want to lose you, okay?”

“You’re not going to lose me.” He coos, stroking your cheeks softly with his thumbs. He’d never intended to hurt you this way. He honestly didn’t think that far ahead. He had an idea, he executed a plan he thought would work, and he got to taste a peanut butter cup while living to see another day. It’s only now that he really thinks about what he’s done today. Neither you or the boys have ever seen him like that before, and to someone who’s never experienced it before, it can be really scary. He sees it now that you’re in front of him crying instead of yelling at him. “I swear on my life that I will never do it again.”

‘He wouldn’t do it again?’ You think. Sure he won’t. You scoff, “Easy for you to say. One wrong move and you die before I get my hands on you.” You move to pull his hands off of your face, but he takes your hands in his instead, pulling you to sit on the bed next to him. You’re too surprised to say anything, letting out a small squeak from the sudden movement instead. The two of you just sit and stare at one another before he finally lifts his right hand from yours to hold his pinky towards you, “I promise.”

Staring at the hand with an IV poking out and a heart monitor attached to his pointer finger, you know in the very back of your mind that this will probably happen again whether he intends to or not. But you don’t think you’ve seen him this serious before. At least for now, you can take his pinky in your own and accept his promise to make both of you feel better. 

“You drive me crazy, you know?” You ask, wiping at some of your remaining tears with your free hand.

“Don’t you mean I drive you nuts?” 

Proving Your Worth Part 9 || Jonathan Toews

Requested: [ ] yes [ ] no [x] sorta

Authors Note: Well this is another thing that took me forever because I wasn’t quite sure where to take it. It’s kind of another transition chapter but there’s some cute relationship content in it as well. Hopefully, you enjoy it. Gif credit to jokiiharju.

Warnings: none        

Word Count: 2,075

~~~~~~~~~

Thanksgiving at home had been something you’d been looking forward to. Because your mom worked retail, she had to work until 2pm meaning that you would just spend the morning with your sisters watching the parade before heading to a family friend’s house for dinner and board games while football played in the background. This had been your family’s routine for quite a few years and it was one you enjoyed tremendously. 

Having woken up with a severe bout of morning sickness was not how you’d wanted to start your day. You didn’t exactly want to deal with all of the questions of why you were vomiting because you still hadn’t told your family that you had gone through with artificial insemination and were expecting. Thankfully your mom had already left for work and only your dad and sisters were home and all three of them were still asleep upstairs as you knelt over the downstairs toilet. You knew you needed to tell them but it was something that was better done in person and you hadn’t wanted to get into it after arriving home the night before. 

Thankfully, after grabbing some crackers from a cabinet in the kitchen your stomach settled and by the time the rest of the house awoke, you were feeling fine once more. The beginning of the parade with the Broadway performances was always the best part for you and your sisters and the three of you chatted while watching, pausing to make brunch partway through and then fast-forwarding through the commercials. 

It wasn’t until the parade was over that any of you made the effort to get dressed, and since this was never a super formal affair, you slipped on a pair of jeans and a sweater, pulling your hair back and doing a bare minimum makeup job. It wasn’t like you were trying to impress anyone, and now that things between you and Jon were serious and committed...you felt even more confident just being yourself. You had been surprised to find that buttoning your jeans had been harder than usual but since you didn’t have a mirror, you didn’t notice that almost overnight your stomach had started to pudge out just a little, the next physical sign that there really was a baby growing inside of you. 

With the Hawks in Florida for Thanksgiving, you were expecting a call from Jon at some point but it hadn’t arrived by the time you left the house headed 20 minutes north. 

Dinner was delicious and the company had you laughing hysterically within minutes of arriving. Your family friends had lived in Chicago for a number of years so you enjoyed talking about all of the things you got to see while living there including all of the home hawks games, your job making their sons jealous. It was while you were talking about the hawks season that your phone buzzed and pulling it out of your back pocket you immediately couldn’t help but smile seeing that Jon had sent you a text. Opening it you were surprised to find that attached was a video...that was new...and after excusing yourself for a moment, you slipped into the next room to play it. 

Jon’s smiling face filled your screen and you watched as he wished you a happy thanksgiving before suddenly the screen was being jostled and you could see the rest of the team sitting around a long table with mounds of food on it all yelling at you with the same well wishes. It was cute and made you smile to know that since he knew you were busy that instead of calling he just decided to make you feel a little bit included into his own holiday. By the time you had finished watching the clip, another text had come through asking if the two of you could talk later that night because he missed you. Your heart fluttered and you knew that you were in so deep, but for some reason, now you weren’t scared of that feeling. 

When you returned to the living room, you found a room full of people figuring out how to cast photos from their iPhones to the new tv your friends had recently gotten. You debated for a moment about the thought that had popped into your head and after a moment you decided that it certainly couldn’t hurt.

“Let me try. I just got a cute video you guys should see.” You declared, quickly following the directions that had been discussed as you were walking into the room. After a moment the paused text message video popped up on the screen. There wasn’t anything in it that would signal anything more than friends and coworkers so you didn’t think Jon would mind if you shared it. Pressing play you watched the video once more, smiling to yourself at the rambunctious group of men that you were becoming closer and closer to through your relationship with Jon. 

When it finished, half of the room was staring at you and you quirked a brow in confusion. “What....you think I don’t know the guys?” You declared playing it off. “They’re in Florida having a team thanksgiving and decided to share.” Though that video itself wasn’t likely to end up on social media you were sure one like it would since at least some of the younger guys had active social media accounts. 

The youngest of the boys shook his head after a minute. “Wait...you don’t just work for the Hawks, you interact with the players?” He questioned causing you to laugh. 

“Yeah...I mean I deal with their paperwork at the beginning of the season and it’s not like I don’t run into them in the halls. I’ve talked with some of them before, been invited to a night out drinking.” 

“That’s so cool.” He stated amazed. You could tell that he was about to start asking a million questions that you really didn’t want to answer if you didn’t cut him off.

“I’ll just tell you that they’re all pretty funny guys and they have some great stories to share but I’m not about to go breaking their trust by saying anything more than that.” 

Thankfully the subject was quickly changed and before long you were all surrounding the table once more with another silly board game in the middle.

The rest of the evening passed quickly and it wasn’t long before you had headed home. With your mom having to work early the next morning she headed to bed and your dad and sisters decided to hit some of the sales to do some Christmas shopping. They’d invited you to join but you were aching to talk to Jon and so you declined, instead deciding to enjoy the beautiful night, grabbing a blanket and heading outside to make a small fire in the fire pit. 

With that going you curled up on the outdoor loveseat and texted to see if Jon was available to talk. Not even a minute later your phone was ringing and an easy smile slipped onto your face as you answered. 

“Hey, handsome.” You breathed, your smile growing as you heard him hum in response through the telephone. 

“Hey.” He whispered back and you could hear the fatigue in his voice. 

“How’s Florida? You sound tired. If you want to go to bed I won’t be mad, I know it’s late.” You stated, quickly being cut off with the assurance that he wanted to talk to you. 

“Florida is good. Warm.” He declared. “Call me crazy but I can’t wait to get back to Chicago on Saturday night.” 

“You might be a little crazy.” You teased. “But trust me, as much as I love home I can’t wait to get back to Chicago too...I miss you.” 

“Miss you too gorgeous.” He murmured. When he spoke again his voice had dropped in volume. “Miss baby too.” He added. “How’s little one doing?” 

“I mean besides still making me sick they’re great.” You assured him, loving that you had reached a point where the air was finally clear between the two of you considering the slightly odd circumstances of it all. 

For a few minutes, the two of you just talked about random things, Jon telling you stories about the boys and you telling him about the “green dumpster monster” in one of the games you’d played. When the laughter died down, Jon went silent for a minute before speaking hesitantly. 

“Can I ask you a question?” He asked. Ignoring the fact that he just had you assured him that of course, he could. “Do you wanna invite your family to Chicago for Christmas? Maybe these family friends you’re close to  too since they’re from the area.” Before you could even respond he continued. “Just hear me out...I was thinking...we’re on the road before and after Christmas so my parents and David are gonna come to Chicago...I thought maybe if everyone was in Chicago we could do our mornings in individual groups and then have everyone over for dinner.” 

There were so many overwhelming things with that question. First, your apartment was not big enough to hold your entire family. You were already aware you needed to find someplace larger before the baby arrived. Two, he wanted your parents to meet his parents. That was...that was really serious, especially because the two of you would have only been official for a month by Christmas. Hearing your silence, Jon backpedaled. “It’s okay if that’s too much I just. I want to spend Christmas with you. And with the baby, I figured...well I figured that yeah our families should meet sooner rather than later.” Thinking about it still, you bit your lip because it was a lot but he was right. 

“No...Jon...you have a point. You just took me off guard.” You admitted. “I just...my apartment isn’t big enough for my family and while you’re right about the second part, that’s just...it’s a little overwhelming.” 

“I know it is,” Jon assured you. “But if it’s something you want I’d be happy to get your family a hotel room and don’t even try and talk me out of that. I...I just want you to know how serious I am about this...about you and with my career family can be hard and I don’t want to let an opportunity pass by because of fear. Little one deserves all of the good things. So do you.” 

With everything Jonathan was doing for you, it was hard to tell him that you wouldn’t do something that clearly meant so much to him. 

“Okay. I’ll talk to my parents.” You declared. “But are you sure about adding even more people to the mix?” You prodded knowing that while his place was large, that would be a lot of people to entertain when he was only getting back into town the early morning hours of Christmas Eve. His response was immediate though.

“Of course I am. If they’re important to you, they’re important to me and if they’d be interested in being in the area anyway I see no reason not to add a few more to dinner. We’ll have a chef of course.” He elaborated, quickly clearing the air that he had no plans on cooking. 

“Okay.” You simply murmured, a yawn slipping from your throat. 

“Okay.” He echoed, and you could practically hear his smile through the phone. “I’ll let you get some sleep.” He breathed after a moment having heard your yawn. “But hey...come over when you get back to Chicago?” He requested. 

“I’d like nothing more.” You agreed, promising to do just that. After saying goodnight you hung up the phone and after adjusting the dying fire so that it was extinguished, you headed inside and to the couch to sleep, thoughts of how to tell your parents about the baby and ask them about Christmas filling your head. 

Three days later you were snuggled up on the couch in Jon’s arms having told your family about your little one and having inquired about Christmas in Chicago. Your mom agreed to see if she could get off work and so though Christmas plans were pending, they were headed in a positive direction. Things were looking up, and it was all thanks to a certain brown-eyed man. 

Upon request, here is a rec list of fics where Harry and Louis fight or argue over the course of the fic. While there is at least a small argument between them in the vast majority of fics, we tried to narrow this list down to include fics where there’s either a larger fight or a bunch of smaller ones. Happy reading!

1) Forever, Uninterrupted | Explicit | 8578 words

Harry finds a mysterious picture in Louis' bag one night and drives himself crazy over it. It's definitely not what he thinks. An excuse to write Harry in rut, because there's already so many heat fics out there.

2) Poppies In May | Explicit | 9457 words

And maybe he deserves it, Louis thinks bitterly. His hand curls around the fence tightly, and he feels like if he lets go he’ll slid onto the cold ground and never fucking get up again. Maybe standing here, staring at Harry’s hunched over, retreating back is what he deserves.

3) 3B Neighbor | Explicit | 10407 words

A mysterious neighbour keeps slipping the worst sort of notes under Harry's door.

4) Rather This Than Live Without You | Explicit | 10715 words

Harry decides to give it all up. Louis refuses to be left behind.

5) We Should Get Jerseys | Mature | 12147 words

Harry is a hockey player, and Louis is his slightly melodramatic boyfriend.

6) No Bleeding Hearts | Explicit | 12651 words

“I’m going to come out,” Louis says abruptly. His grip on the controller is tight, knuckles whitening. He doesn’t look at Harry when he says it.

“What?” Harry says. Louis sucks in a breath through his teeth.

“When we re-negotiate our contracts. I’m going to come out.” Harry fumbles with the controller and manages to set it down on coffee table without cracking it in half.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Harry says. Louis is still pointedly not looking at him.

“I’m not having this argument with you again, Harry,” Louis tells him. He leans forward and deposits his own controller on the table beside Harry’s before standing up. “I’m gonna go to the hotel.”

7) Know You Got That Thing (That I Like) | Explicit | 15798 words

Note: This fic has a BH mention.

In all the ways he thought about their reunion going, watching Louis finger himself open was not on the list.

8) Wait For Me (To Come Home) | Explicit |  16066 words

A future fic of time stamps where Louis finally comes to grips with a love he'd denied for too long.

9) My English Love Affair | Explicit | 19198 words

The thing about sleeping with a member of a famous indie band is that the inevitability of having a song written about you is most likely a hundred percent. The second thing is that in the end, nobody's supposed to find out it's about you.

The one where Harry writes a song about his English love affair and Louis sleeps with someone in White Eskimo and all he gets is a stupid song written about him.

10) Dance Like Warriors On A Battlefield | Explicit | 20083 words

Down in the arena, the triumphant gladiator places his foot on the back of the loser, holding him there as he waits for instruction on his next move. Kill or let live. It’s barbaric, really, the bloodlust involved in this sport. Louis is pretty sure that if it wasn’t for his distaste for the killing there would be a lot more blood soaking that sand.

As it is, his father rarely gives the kill order anymore. He gives the order to let the loser live. Louis rolls his eyes, turning away. He doesn’t miss the way the gladiator’s eyes linger on him.

11) Up To No Good | Explicit | 26525 words | Sequel #1 | Sequel #2

Harry doesn’t think of himself as a womanizer, not at all. Sure, he enjoys sex, enjoys how women feel underneath him, and by some people’s standards he has sex with quite a lot of people, but that’s no reason to tell him that he can’t have a female PA anymore.

It’s especially no excuse for giving him a male PA who’s possibly the most gorgeous boy in the world who won’t even let Harry look at him for too long.

Sometimes Harry hates his life.

12) All The Lights are Full Of Colour | Explicit | 26727 words

So, fast-forwarding eight years from the day Harry met Louis, he is now a twenty-seven year old owner of one of the most up-and-coming eating establishments on the London restaurant scene, father of two wonderful boys and… separated from his husband. Now, that last part definitely was never a part of the original plan.

13) Time Out | Explicit | 27539 words

Harry and Louis are perfect for each other.

Everybody knows it.

They know it, their friends know it, everybody knows it.

That's why Zayn, Liam and Niall won't let them get away with breaking up.

No chance in hell.

14) Carnelian | Explicit | 30631 words

Louis finds himself donating blood to the most beautiful being he’s ever seen.

15) Where The Lights Are Beautiful | Mature | 31170 words | Sequel

The accidental bonding a/b/o fic. 

16) Close To Nowhere | Explicit | 34589 words

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.

17) No Matter Where You Are (No Matter How Far) | Explicit | 35799 words

An Everest AU where Louis sets out to climb the tallest mountain on the world and meets a curly-haired guy named Harry who worms his way into Louis’s life. It’s not long before reaching the summit becomes the least of Louis’s worries. 

18) The Things I’d Do To Wake Up Next To You | Mature | 36019 words

AU. Harry wakes up to a pregnant Louis Tomlinson and a wedding band on his finger.

19) Bloodsport | Explicit | 40283 words

“You know how our next game is against the Cardinals, right? You remember how vicious those guys can get. I wanted us to come up with some plays, maybe work on a block from the left--” Louis stops when he hears a chuckle. He doesn’t think he’s said anything particularly funny, so he turns to Harry, waiting for an explanation. "‘S funny, ‘s all.” Harry throws his finished bottle somewhere near the other discarded ones. “This is the first time you’re talking to me in eight months, and it’s still about football.”

20) The Sweetest Incantation | Explicit | 40598 words

Harry is a witch who's still working on developing his powers and Louis is a werecat who falls into his life and turns it upside down. 

21) Falling Into Place | Explicit | 40754 words

Louis and Harry spend nine years apart but inevitably find their way back to each other.                        

22) Another Hazy May | Explicit | 41043 words

Louis is a terrible poet and Harry lives in the now and they have six weeks to fall in love but, really, it only takes six seconds. Bookshop meets military meets summer romance AU ft. Malboros, the Backstreet Boys, and underrated literary devices.

23) Show Me Life Like I’ve Never Seen | Mature | 42953 words

Louis never expected to leave the small art studio three blocks down from his job with anything besides the painting he caught a glimpse of and simply couldn't forget.

24) Can I Not Like You For A While? | Explicit | 43346 words

Louis Tomlinson is awful. Harry is just as difficult, and they’re both terrible to each other. It makes being in the same acapella group together quite complicated. 

25) Just A Feeling | Explicit | 43977 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.

The first time that Harry thinks about marriage in relation to Louis, he’s eighteen years old, standing in the middle of a crowded frat house, six drinks down and another in his hand.

It’s not the first time that he’s laid eyes on Louis. It’s not even the second time, or the third time, but Harry doesn’t believe in denying what his brain is trying to tell him, and his brain has been telling him that Louis might be the prettiest person in the world ever since that first fateful meeting, when Harry hadn’t been able to stop looking and Louis had ‘accidentally’ spilled his tea all over Harry’s lap in retaliation.

26) Love's Truest Language | Explicit | 48193 words

“I don't want your flowers.” Louis chided before directing all of his attention to the arrangement in front of him. Harry laughed under his breath as he stood to his full height, “Who said anything about them being for you, love?”

27) Tug-Of-War | Explicit | 55475 words

Louis' husband dies suddenly and he is left with nothing. Well, not really nothing. He has Harry. And a St. Bernard puppy named Link, whom his late husband left behind for him. Louis takes care of Link and Harry takes care of Louis. Everything is okay until suddenly, it isn't. 

28) Into The Midnight Sun | Explicit | 63523 words

It's 1983, Harry embarks on his first world tour and Louis is a budding actor in LA. Life spent apart isn't easily adjustable, but somehow they make it work.

29) Why Can't It Be Like That | Explicit | 63567 words

A fashion AU with a royal twist, where Louis doesn't need a stylist, Harry's thrilled to have a real life Barbie doll, and they're both very wrong about each other.

30) Perfect Storm | Explicit | 80230 words

What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding. Harry and Louis choose the latter.   

31) Pinkies Never Lie | Explicit | 83615 words | Sequel

AU in which Louis hates his job and loves Harry, Harry just wants a distraction, everyone else wants them to get their shit together, and Louis learns the hard way that new beginnings are only possible when something ends.

32) I Want You So Much (But I Hate Your Guts) | Mature | 83648 words

AU in which Louis gets accepted to play for the Manchester University Alpha-Beta Football Team. The only problem: Louis is actually an Omega. He is determined to make it big in the football world, though, and he can't do that bound to an Omega team. With the help of a faked doctor's certificate and some pretty strong suppressants he is ready to fight for his dream. That Harry Styles (Alpha, second year and youngest football captain of the A-B team in ages) doesn't seem to like him complicates matters, though.

33) Electing Strange Perfections | Explicit | 84757 words

Back for the summer from university, 19-year-old Louis is faced with a massive problem: their new gardener is quite possibly the most gorgeous man he's ever met. Over the course of the summer, Louis and a 25-year-old Harry will learn that love can be found where you least expect it.

34) For Reasons Wretched and Divine | Explicit | 94655 words

Ten years ago, Harry Styles was just a nerdy kid with one friend and a debilitating crush on the captain of his school’s football team. He thought the stars were smiling down on him the day he and Louis Tomlinson were paired for their end-of-term Literature project. But because Harry’s life is decidedly not a fairytale, the budding friendship quickly leads to the least happy ending of all time. Now, Harry Styles is a household name. Barely twenty-seven with two Grammy nominations to his name, the singer-songwriter is poised to take the music industry by storm with his highly anticipated third album. So, what happens when the best producer in the business is also the only person Harry’s vowed never to speak to again?    

35) Blue Ice | Mature | 102967 words

An AU where Louis finds himself in a marriage he didn't bargain for. 

36) A Taste Of Desire | Explicit | 104414 words

A Victorian ABO where Harry is the owner of the most successful cotton mill in Manchester, and Louis is an opinionated social activist about to disrupt Harry’s world.

37) Tainted Saints And Velvet Vices | Mature | 126056 words

A self-fulfilling Hogwarts AU in which Louis is new to seventh year and Harry is the resident devil-may-care Slytherin set to make his entire experience a living misery. Due to less than favourable circumstances they're forced to forge an unwilling, tentative relationship for their own survival. Repressed emotions, decidedly unromantic ballroom dancing, Triwizard Tournament tasks, creative jinxes and twilight flying above the Forbidden Forest ensue.

38) All I Want | Mature | 289307 words

When Harry and Louis got together it wasn’t under the best circumstances. Louis was taken by another. But go figure that the way they ended up together is the very same way it ended. And Harry left Louis. He left him with a lot more than he thought. A story about how people’s misconceptions almost destroyed a love that went beyond measure.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

A Girl’s Best Friend (Peter Parker x OC) - Part 21

Synopsis: Diamonds are man’s best friend- or dogs are girls’ best friends, wait… how does the saying go again?

Warnings: Family issues; Peter has a crush and it’s complicated; mention of assault; good dogs; College AU; aged up! characters; TONY STARK IS ALIVE AND WE ALL LIVE IN A HAPPY PLACE CALLED DENIAL

Word count: 2.7k

Part 20 <<< >>> Part 22

MASTERLIST

               The mood on the quinjet after their mission was sullen at best. Everyone stared at Peter while trying really hard to mind their own business, only sending conspicuous looks his way. Natasha sat the farthest away, wringing her hands; Bucky was piloting – he rarely did but today he volunteered; Sam pretended to sleep next to him; everybody tried to give him privacy though he knew he had none.

“You could have gotten yourself killed!” Tony shouted for the tenth time. He was sitting across from Peter, fuming, eyes crazy. “What the hell were you thinking back then?”

“I wasn’t,” Peter mumbled pitifully, eyes darted on his mask between his hands.

               His face stung and his ears rang – couldn’t the scolding wait a little? Three more hours until home.

“Oh yes, we all saw that!” Tony burst out. “I mean, what could possibly be more important than the current mission, I wonder. Thinking about your grocery list? If You die, it’s on me, kid! Can you imagine how May would react? And Em-“

“I get it, alright?!” Peter snapped all of a sudden, looking up before letting out a scoff. “I messed up! Can we move on now?”

               There was a minute of tense silence during which Tony seriously considered flying across the quinjet to strangle Peter – but what would he tell May, then?

“This isn’t over,” he warned him.

               Peter simply sighed, happy enough that the conversation was over for today.

               He knew he had made a mistake, he was the only person to blame in what happened that day. However, he wasn’t the only person bearing responsibility if something bad happened to him. Tony had vouched for Peter, he considered him family.

               There was no apology strong enough to erase what he did. Or rather, what he didn’t do. For days now, Peter’s brain kept jumping back to the catastrophe of a kiss he shared with Emmeline, even in the worst of moments. Not on purpose; not in an effort to analyze what happened and find where he messed up. No, it was plain self-torture at this point.

               His cheekbone throbbed like hell, his entire face felt tender and swollen. He had initially planned on staying at the compound until he was healed because he couldn’t reasonably go to class looking like he had been trampled by an elephant, and going to May’s was asking for a second round of what just occurred with Tony. Now, he wasn’t so sure he would be welcomed to stay.

               Then, of course, was Emmeline. He wished he had someone else to turn to but staying in Ned’s tiny dorm room for days didn’t sound too thrilling. What was more: Tessa was with her. He had asked her to look after his dog while he was away on his mission.

               She hadn’t even asked where he was going, or for how long… She simply trusted him to come back. And he would have to own up to the consequences of his carelessness.

               The engine landed sooner than expected, but the familiar weightlessness accompanying the landing woke Peter from his daydreaming. Or was it the evening already? He didn’t know.

“You staying with us tonight, Spandex?” Sam asked him, slapping Peter on the back and earning a cough along with a semi-grateful glare.

“I’m sure he has better things to do than hang out with us oldies,” Tony intervened – his way of uninviting Peter after Sam’s offer. His tone was still sharp and cold.

"I promised Em I would go and see her when I come back," Peter told Tony. "She likes to make sure I'm fine when I return from a mission."

               He wasn’t looking forward to it – it truth, he had been avoiding Emmeline and he feared she had noticed because if she had, she wouldn’t stay quiet about it, that was for sure. What was more: he deserved whatever was coming his way. He could have talked to her, told her he didn’t think kissing her was a mistake. Instead, he ran, tail between his legs.

"Be prepared to receive another earful then," Tony warned him. Peter looked exactly like someone who had been beat like a meat sack by the Terminator - and it was by and large a good description of what actually happened. "Maybe she will talk some sense into you."

 *

                 Peter had been gone for four days now, and the lab was a quiet place without his uplifting presence, or Tony Stark’s classic rock music. In fact, most of the Avengers still in residence had gone with them and her sole company was F.R.I.D.A.Y who humored her and conversed with her when she wanted to.

               But apparently, there was someone else. Emmeline had been standing on a ladder, working on Tony’s current project – she had no idea what it was for but it was big and he tasked her with a few minor adjustments to do while he was away. When the elevator doors opened, she almost fell while twisting her neck to see who just came in.

“Hello? Somebody here?” the woman’s voice called.

               Emmeline climbed down and turned off her music – in truth, she wouldn’t have listened to this if she thought someone else was around. But Emmeline had been thinking too long too hard on something and needed to drown out her thoughts for a while.

“Ah, finally!” she exclaimed. “Thought I’d go deaf.”

               With a wince, Emmeline emerged from behind the appliance, wiping her greasy hands on a towel. She swallowed thickly when she realized her visitor was Scarlet Witch, although she didn’t wear her usual gear.

“Sorry about that,” Em apologized, too embarrassed to even meet her eyes. “I thought I was alone.”

               She seemed surprised to see her too.

“I know you,” she stated, staring her down. “You’re Peter’s friend.”

               It wasn’t a question, and the way she said ‘friend’ implied she meant something else entirely but Emmeline didn’t correct her the way she would have Tony. If she was being honest, she was in dire need of a girl talk, and at this point, any girl would do.

“And you’re Wanda Maximoff,” Em replied.  

               She smiled in a rather enigmatic way.

“Working alone on a Saturday afternoon? Blasting black metal? Someone’s keeping busy,” she commented.

               Emmeline let out a small huff, feeling as though she had been shot with an arrow right in the chest. She aimed good.

“Maybe.”

               She shrugged. If Peter were here, he would give her that smile that meant he wasn’t fool by her attempt at sounding casual. But Peter wasn’t there. Peter hadn’t really been there, even before leaving for the mission, because Peter had been too busy avoiding her since she kissed him.

               Wanda nodded and put her hands in the pockets of her hoodie, biting the corner of her mouth as if pondering something.

“Wanna let out some steam? I was just training at the gym but it’s not great alone,” she offered, much to Emmeline’s surprise. “And you look like you need to punch something… or someone.”

               Em’s eyebrows shot up but she was quick to toss her towel aside and accept the generous proposition.

“I don’t have super strength though. Or gym clothes.”

               Wanda shrugged and even Emmeline had to admit she did a much better job at looking casual than she did.

“Me neither. I do, however, have gym clothes.”

               Wanda then turned on her heels and walked to the elevator, quickly followed by Emmeline. She had never seen the rest of the Tower. Peter sometimes trained there, or slept there, but he never asked her to come up with him. Maybe he thought she wasn’t interested in seeing the Avengers’ gym – not entire untrue – or the contents of their fridge. Or maybe he didn’t want her there.

               No, she couldn’t allow her thoughts to go there. This wasn’t like Peter, to keep her away from some parts of his life. He had been more than open and willing to answer all of her questions and demands since she discovered he was Spider-Man.

               Wanda Maximoff wasn’t much older than Emmeline because she had been dusted too. Of course, Peter was still by and large the youngest Avenger, but she couldn’t be more than in her late twenties. And she was Emmeline’s size.

               Wearing someone else’s leggings and sports bra was a weird experience in and of itself. They decided they would spar together, leaving the shoes aside since Emmeline couldn’t fit in Wanda’s.

“I don’t know anything about sparring. My last time in a gym goes way back already,” she warned the young woman standing across the mat. “You’ll have to guide me.”

“Sure thing, we’ll cover the basics,” she agreed.

               Emmeline couldn’t remember the last time she got her ass handed to her like that.

 *

                 Four more days passed without any sign of life from Peter. If Wanda didn’t keep Emmeline up to date on their status, she would have gone mad with worry.

               Between classes, walking Tessa and Bella, working at the lab, and letting Wanda wipe the floor with her ass, Emmeline was kept quite busy and didn’t complain. While it had been a tough first session at the gym, she was a quick learner with good reflexes – which she got from all the activities she used to do when she was younger. Who would have thought fencing made her this good at dodging out of the way when someone attacked her?

“I have never seen anyone so enthusiastic about getting beat up,” Wanda commented while tightening her headlock, waiting for Emmeline to tap out. She did.

“I have never dealt with someone so happy to indulge,” she replied with a smirk.

               Neither of them would admit to it, but it was rather nice and refreshing to be around another girl about the same age – even if their conversations were usually wordless.

               Usually, but not always. It didn’t take long for Wanda to start teasing Emmeline the same way Tony sometimes did.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re throwing yourself into all these activities to keep your mind off of something…”

               Emmeline rolled her eyes, electing not to answer in hope that the topic would be dropped, but that wasn’t going to happen.

“He’ll be back soon, you know? Can’t avoid him forever,” she told the younger girl, letting her attack first this time.

               She lunged forward but Wanda ducked before she could hit her.

“He’s the one avoiding me,” Em said without thinking. Fuck, she had just admitted to being obsessed by Peter Parker to the point of restlessness. Then again, she had been in need of a girl talk. “I’m just the idiot letting it get to me.”

               This time when she attacked, she feigned to aim at her side before going for her legs, effectively sweeping Wanda off her feet.

“Do something about it, then. The kid’s great but he’s helpless when it comes to girls,” Wanda told her when Em helped her up.

               Her face fell.

“Girls?” she repeated. She recognized and loathed the feeling creeping up her spine at the thought of other girls.

“Relax. They’re in the past. I can assure you that to him, there are no other girls than you in the world,” Wanda laughed, using Emmeline’s moment of distraction against her and side-kicking her.

“You’re trying to throw me off my game with your girl talk,” she accused her, glaring up from the floor.

               She brought her own gym clothes now, and even had a locker. There was something comforting about having been invited here by someone other than Peter too. She had been accepted by another member of the team.

               The Scarlet Witch was surprisingly ordinary when you took the time to look past the glowing red eyes. When she didn’t use her powers, she was much like Emmeline – no super-strength, no vibranium arm, no special training in hand to hand combat.

“When are you going to tell him how you feel?” she asked her, watching the red tint her cheeks as she flinched.

               It was time for defense training, the beating up part was over with – perhaps for the best.  

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Emmeline chose denial although there was no reason to.

               She had just admitted to thinking about Peter all the time and being jealous of the sheer thought of ‘other girls’ being in the picture.  

“Peter clearly fell head over heels for you. I had my doubts about you before, but now I think it might be reciprocated. He’s caught your attention, admit it." He’s caught way more than that but Emmeline sure as hell wasn't going to correct her. "You should do something about it."

“I can't do that.” Emmeline’s hands were retrained behind her back, making her feel almost as helpless as she felt when thinking about Peter. “And he’s not in love with me.”

               The sigh she then let out was deep enough for Wanda to understand that something had already happened between them - something Em visibly regretted and which sent Peter right into a pity party if his out-of-character behavior was anything to go by.

“If you wait for him to make a move, you'll be gray by the time it happens,” Wanda advised her without answering her stubborn denial of Peter’s feelings. Even a blind man would see it.

“Why would he want to make a move in the first place? We're just friends.”

               There it was - that sentence. It rang untrue, even to her who spoke it. She was obstinate, to say the least.

"Right.” The way Wanda’s voice snapped was clear: she thought Emmeline was full of shit. And what was worse was that she was right.

               When Emmeline eventually freed her wrists from Wanda grip, the older woman must have decided she was done with Em’s uncooperative behavior and called it a day. She didn’t know what exactly it was she said, but Emmeline sensed that she had done something to upset her.

“You know-“ Wanda started, a glimmer of something new and foreign in her eyes as she looked at Emmeline. “Being scared is alright. I was scared to allow someone in, too. I was scared that they would be taken away from me.”

               Her fists opened and she stretched her fingers, trying to push back the painful memories as Emmeline listened intently. Just by the way her face contorted slightly, Em could tell her fears became reality.

“You think you have all the time in the world with the people you love, but you don’t. I wish I had acted on my feelings sooner, I wish I had had more time with…” Her voice died there, and it seemed she wasn’t going to finish her sentence – not that she needed to.

“I’m sorry,” Emmeline sympathized. “I suppose my childish problems don’t compare to what you’ve been through. I should have watched my tongue.”

“No, Em. If you mean what you’re saying, then you should stop running away from your own heart. Peter is a good person, and I know he’s crazy about you.”

               These words added weight to Emmeline’s heart. It was like carrying a stone in her chest. She wished she could do as Wanda said, she wished she knew how to let people in.

“Maybe I’m not a good person,” she argued, shrugging.

               A soft smile replaced Wanda’s sour frown.

“Give yourself a chance.” The tension then lifted from the air and it seemed as though their conversation had come to an end. Wanda grabbed a towel and threw another to Emmeline. “And don’t tell him I told you that by the way.”

               Despite being covered in sweat, a shiver ran down Em’s spine and her hairs stood on end the second Wanda walked into the locker room to take a shower. She scurried off, deciding to go home and take a shower there.

               Wanda’s words were burned in her mind, impossible to get rid off. From there, her mind jumped to the kiss she gave Peter and how she rejected him immediately afterwards, without giving him a chance to do or say anything.

               She had been the one initiating the kiss and the one to put an end to it. Where was he in this? She should have cared more about what he wanted. Did he want her to kiss him? Did he want her to stop? She didn't know and suddenly she felt awful for not having wondered before. He had been terribly busy lately – had she imagined that he was avoiding her? It slowly made sense now; the way he didn’t meet  her eyes, his patrols lasting longer than usual.

               Fuck.

.

.

.

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Oh, Cruel Fate (enemies to lovers AU)

Ch. 1 

Okay this is the first chapter for my enemies to lovers fanfiction and I really hope you guys enjoy it!! note: english is not my first language, so I’m sorry for any mistakes!

The Demaurys and the Lallemants had been enemies for over one hundred years. And when Lucas first meets Eliott, he hates him with his whole heart even without knowing him, blaming him and his family for his life which is slowly falling apart. But when they are forced to live alongside in the same surrounding, something is changing between them. And this scares Lucas more than anything else.

Wikipedia

Demaury-Lallemant feud

The Demaury-Lallemant feud started in 1900 in Paris and was one of the biggest family feuds of the 20th century. Till this day, it is still unknown what the fight between the two families triggered and why there was this sudden rivalry. Sources say that the question of money or ground property was in the center of this fight. Since the Demaurys and Lallemants are still important and highly respected in the Parisian society, the feud is still present in these days, now already going into the third generation.

Feud

Media

Demaury genealogy

Lallemant genealogy

See also

References

Further reading

External links

Lucas sighed deeply and leaned back against in the seat of the bus, shutting his phone down and putting it into his jacket. Some would say that it was a life goal to have a Wikipedia article about yourself and your family but for Lucas, it was only another reason why he would love to have another surname. But he was what he was: Lucas Lallemant – youngest son of Madeline and Jack Lallemant, heir to his name and the business of his family. Lucas mouth tucked into a smile. In his head, this sounded like some cringey romance history movie where he was the hero and would save the princess, the country and the world in general. But the reality was different. Very, very different.

The bus stopped and Lucas got out of it, standing in front of a big school which was guarded to the teeth. People were streaming in and out of his, greeting Lucas as if he were his best friend.

Fake. All of them. No one even knew his favorite color. They only knew that he was “fame” and had a lot of money – that was enough for most of the people in this time. There was never be a doubt that his parents would send Lucas to this school – the best and most elite school in whole Paris. Only the upper-class and the most respected families got a place on this school. This way, their son would get more education than the Demaurys could even effort. All of this, his whole life, was based on the fact to let the Demaurys suffer.

And if he wouldn’t have been raised to hate ever member of the Demaurys, he would hate them alone for that, for the control they had over his life.

It was the first day after the summer holidays and although Lucas had enough time to relax, he felt not relaxed at all. Maybe it was the fact that he was out drinking and dancing and hooking up with boys the whole summer, his friends always dragging him to the best and most illustrious parties.

The guard opened the door for him, greeting him with his name and even an indicated bow. As if Lucas was some kind of prince. He rolled his eyes lightly as he passed the guard and entered the courtyard.

It had never been a secret that a Lallemant visited this school. Lucas’ brothers were members of this school before and so it was no surprise that Lucas changed to this school two years ago.He has always been proud to be a member of this highly respected family. But in the last years, things went bad. Really bad. For his family and himself. Things happened which made him realize, that this feud between the Lallemants and Demaurys was justified. Things happened that Lucas could never forgive. And although the feud was never fought out in the inner circle of their families, the public knew not half of the things that happened. They would never knew what the Demaurys did to Lucas’ mum and that the Lallemant family slowly grew apart although they should stick together now more than ever and that Lucas often wished for a different life.  A life, where the Demaurys didn’t exist.

“Luuuuuuuucaaaaaaaaaaas!”

Lucas was distracted in his thoughts when a loud voice was calling his name over the courtyard. He looked up and a smile was forming on his lips as his best friends came over to him.

“Long time no seen”, said Yann and greeted his best friend with a handshake. Lucas laughed lightly and shook his head.

“Only like 25 hours, non?”

Yann was now beaming with a grin.

“Aww, honey, you count the hours were I’m not with you.” Lucas opened his mouth, ready to protest, as Yann bumped his elbow into Basile’s rips.

“He’s in love with me. He always has been”, Yann said to Basile and wiggled with his eyebrows. The protest died on Lucas’ lips because of a laugh fighting its way out of Lucas’ mouth. Lucas went over to Yann and threw his arms around his neck, looking into this longingly as if he was his lover.

“Oh, Yann. You’re so right. You’re the love of my life.”

All of them laughed and Arthur laid an arm around Lucas’ shoulder, pulling him from Yann away, as they went inside together. Lucas was into men as long as he could think – it was never a problem for anyone and those who had a problem with that were kicked out of Lucas’ life. Since he was someone who was always in the spotlight of the problems from his family, his social media accounts were overflowing with followers and messages. When he first started to go to this school, things went really badly and he got a lot of hate on social media and in real life regarding his sexuality and his family in general. Teenagers can be crueler than any adult because they feel stronger while putting down someone else, projecting their own problems on the life of a public figure. But all of this only made him stronger – he learned to ignore hate messages, he learned to be in line with his sexuality and the feelings towards men. And his friends supported him in every decision he made and got his back when someone crazy thought to put someone like Lucas Lallemant down.

“I don’t think you’re Lucas’ type, Yann. All the boys Lucas hooked up with were a lot taller and had messy hair. Not like you. I’m more of his type.”

Lucas rolled his eyes for the second time today and shrugged out of Arthurs’ grip.

“So, now we analyze the men I hook up with? Why don’t we analyze the girls you made out with, Arthur?”

Arthur lifted his eyebrows and a smugly smile appeared on Lucas’ lips.

“Oh, I forgot: You haven’t hooked up with anyone lately, right?”

“OOOOOHHHHH” Yann and Basile laughed and Arthur couldn’t stay serious for even one second, although he really tried.

“Sorry Arthur, but he gotcha.”

Lucas laughed and felt his mood lifting up immediately whenever he was with these dorks. Whenever he was with his real friends. When you were a member of the Lallemants or Demaurys, you had a lot of people admiring you. Wanting to be your friends. Wanting to be part of the fame that goes alongside with the family name. Lucas stopped to read his DM’s on Instagram, most of the time it were people asking him to take them with him to that party or this event. To an event where Lucas himself would gladly stay at home with his friends, playing video games or getting drunk while eating some Pizza. But these nights were rare. Even rarer with Lucas getting older and more responsible for the name of his family.

Suddenly, the mood seemed to shift. Lucas could nearly feel as the air changed. His friends seemed to realize it too, their steps getting slower. He frowned and stopped, looking around.

People were whispering, their eyes bright with some new, exciting news. Lucas was used to people speaking behind his back, sharing gossip he couldn’t give less a fuck about. But today was different. There was not a giggle, no chuckle in these whispers. Only pure seriousness. Excitement. Confusion. And maybe even… Fear?

“What is happening here, putain?”

The usual loud hallway was quiet, people whispering, not allowing themselves to be louder as they spread some rumors. Rumors which affected Lucas because every gaze of every person was fixed on him, as he passed them.

“Let’s just go to class”, Lucas murmured and pulled the boys with him. He sat down in the back, next to Yann and chatted with him, trying to ignore all the stares which were even heavier than usual.

“Something is about to happen, Lulu”, Yann suddenly said and Lucas frowned.

“You watched too many Netflix shows, Yann. This is just the usual gossip. Maybe someone heard that I will leave my family and my name behind and become a monk in Germany. Or something like that. I actually don’t care at all.”

“But this is something different. As if we are all waiting for something to happen.”

“Yeah, I’m waiting for this day to be over so I can go back to my bed and get some sleep.”

“Dear Students.”

Lucas and Yann stopped their talk and turned around as the teacher came into class. And suddenly, Lucas was excited too. As if something was really about to happen. Yann and his stupid ideas – in the end it would only be an announcement for a new lunch menu.

“Welcome to the new school year. I hope you had some great holidays. We got a new student here today and I want to introduce him properly to you all.”

Lucas eyes narrowed and he suddenly got a bad feeling.

His eyes shifted to the door, as someone entered. He was tall, messy hair, bright eyes, a backpack slung over one shoulder. He was not smiling but Lucas could feel that his smile would light up the whole room. All in all, he was one of the most attractive man Lucas ever saw. He unconsciously leaned forward, a hand going through his own messy hair, a little smile forming on his lips. In the corner of his eyes, he found Yann watching him as if he knew how Lucas would react to that new boy. Suddenly, the eyes of the new boy were on him and his heart skipped a beat, catching Lucas off guard. His eyes held worlds in them.

“Would you like to introduce yourself?”, The Teacher asked with a sweet smile and the boy nodded shortly. He took one step forward, hands lazily in his pockets as if new days at elite schools were nothing new to him. The eyes of the boys found Lucas’ again and he could feel how the whole class seemed to hold their breaths.

“Hey. This is my first day at school after having a break for one year. I’m 22 years old and my name is Eliott Demaury.”

A gasp went through the class and he could feel how Yann went rigid next to Lucas. And Lucas could do nothing and watch as his world suddenly turned upside down within one tiny second, with the name of one man.

I'll always be here

Father Tom fluff

Hello! This was requested by @ei77777... Well, not exactly this, but I hope you like it anyway! ❤

Prompt: It's your son's birthday and Tom doesn't know if he will arrive in time.

Like 1.3k words

---

"I'm terribly sorry." Tom sighed.

You were on the phone with him, hearing some bad news. Because of the snow, they cancelled his flight, so there was a big chance he wouldn't come back in time for your son's birthday tomorrow. You'd throw him a little party on saturday, but you always did something special on the actual day.

This year, Gael would turn 6 and his only request was Tom being here to play with him. He promised he would, and now you didn't have the heart to tell him he wouldn't.

"I promise I'll do everything I can..." Tom never sounded so upset in his life. "If I could, I'd cross the ocean swimming"

"It's okay, babe..." You try to cheer him up, you couldn't have both your boys sad. "He is a great kid, he will understand. There's nothing you can do... And you'll be here on the weekend, so..."

"I'm a terrible father." He sighs one more time.

"Don't say that! That's a huge lie.... You're the best father ever." You look towards the living room and see your son and your daughter playing on the floor. "Do you want to say hi to them?"

"Yes." He sounded a little more excited. "I miss them."

You go to the living room and put him on speaker.

"Say hi to daddy." You tell them, and they run in your direction.

"Hi, daddy!!!" Your oldest, Elena said.

"Hello, princess. I miss you." Tom seemed to find his joy again.

"I miss you too." The little girl smiled.

"Daddy!" Gael almost screamed. "Did you know tomorrow is my birthday, I will be 6!"

"Of course I knew." Tom laughed. "Wow, 6 is a lot."

"I know." The boy said proudly.

"Alright." You said before Gael got into that birthday conversation and made Tom cry. Saying to you he won't be there was hard, but to him? He absolutely couldn't. "Now it's time for everyone here brush their teeth and go to bed, huh?"

"True." Tom agreed. "It's getting late."

They would usually beg you to stay a little more, but they promised their father they would behave while he was away. Also, they were excited for tomorrow, so if they slept, it would arrive sooner.

"Bye, daddy!" Elena said. "See you tomorrow!"

"Yes! See you tomorrow!" The youngest said, then they both ran to the bathroom to brush their teeth.

"I'll talk to them..." You almost whispered.

"Wait until tomorrow." Tom said, clearly even sadder than before. "Maybe in the morning everything will be alright, and I'll still be able to get there."

"I'm sure you will." You smiled. "Don't be upset, okay? We love you."

"You are my everything. The three of you." He was so emotional. "I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight, my love."

"Goodnight!"

---

On the next morning, you woke up early to make Gael pancakes. Yes, your family followed those silly movies traditions. Didn't take long for the little boy to appear in the kitchen rubbing his eyes.

"Hello, little old man!" You got on your knees and he ran to hug you. "Happy birthday!"

"Thank you!" He smiled and freed himself from your arms. "Is daddy home yet?"

"It's... too early." You try to distract him. "Why don't you go wake your sister up? I'm making us pancakes."

"I love pancakes!" The little boy says, running to Elena's bedroom.

You stand up and sigh. You didn't want to call Tom... He had enough problems to solve.

The kids ate their pancakes and there was still some free time before taking them to school.

"Gael, do you want to open your present? Your dad and I bought it before he traveled." You offered the colorful box to the boy.

"No." He fought his curiosity. "I want to do it when daddy is here."

"Okay." You checked your phone and there wasn't a sign of Tom yet. "Let's go get dressed for school, then."

"Why do I have to go to school on my birthday?" He sulks.

"Oh... Alright." You shrug. "I thought you wanted to invite your friends for your party, but..."

"I will!" He gasped.

"But you have to go to school to give them the invitations I helped you write."

He nodded and went to check if the invitations were in his school bag.

---

After taking them to school, you went home and thought it was better to call Tom. You tried, but he didn't answer. Maybe he just didn't want to talk to you until he had everything sorted. But you had to find a way to keep the kids entertained until he showed up. So you decided to bake cupcakes for them to decorate, since the actual birthday cake would only be on saturday.

The day continued to pass and you still had no news about Tom. You started to worry he was like... Swimming across the ocean for real. He was crazy for this family.

When you stopped your car in front of the school, the kids came in and looked slightly disappointed when they saw you were alone there. So you quickly asked your son about his day and he excitedly told you everyone sang happy birthday to him and he was some kind of hero between his friends who were 'only 5 yet'.

You parked in your garage and prepared yourself to open the front door and find and empty and sad house. If you did, you'd have to explain to your kids their father wasn't coming. But you didn't. When you opened the door, Tom was standing in the middle of the living room with the present Gael didn't want to open earlier in his hands.

"Daddy!!!" The two kids screamed at the same time and ran to hug him.

You watched that scene with a warm heart, but a very confused expression.

"You came for my birthday!" The little boy said excitedly.

"I promised you I would." Tom replied, messing his hair.

You walked to the place where they were still hugging and joined the embrace.

"I knew you would." You whisper to him.

You had the sweetest evening. Tom was laying on the floor while Gael and Elena used his belly as the groud where their plastic dinosaurs were having a fight. He was also responsable for the sound effects. You participated a little, but you knew it was time for him to enjoy your little ones, and you would often just stop to watch everything with the biggest smile on your face.

It wasn't easy putting them to bed that night. Tom just couldn't resist when they said "But we missed you, can't we stay just a little more?". He added a few minutes on the first three times they asked, on the fourth he picked up one kid on each arm and carried them to bed, promissing to read a story.

Then it was finally just the two of you, laying in bed while holding each other.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" You asked him.

"Thought it would be a good surprise." He smiled. "They put me on the first flight in the morning. I said it was a life or death situation."

"These actors..." You laughed.

"What? It really was." He kissed the top of your head. "I'd die without this family."

"I told you you are the best father ever." You said proudly.

"We should have more kids." He shrugged. "Just to be sure."

"Alright, Thomas." You said sarcastically. "I want you to say this to me on saturday. Gael invited his entire class for his party... Let's see if you like 20 little humans running around this house."

"20 is too much." He laughed. "I'd be happy with 6 or 7."

"Go to sleep, then." You laughed too. "Because that is only happening in your dreams..."

---

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Q&A: Bert McCracken Details The Used’s Hard-Hitting Yet Poppy New Record ‘Heartwork’

Let’s face it: For nearly 20 years now, The Used has solidified themselves as one of the best bands of our generation. Since the release of their 2002 self-titled album, the SLC punks have strung together an unparalleled discography of angsty, thought-provoking music fueled by anger, growth and love. 

Gearing up to release their eighth studio album Heartwork on April 24th, Bert McCracken and Co. are as hungry and humble as ever as they prepare to usher in a new era of the band.       

“There's something about approaching 20 years as a band and approaching 40 as human beings [where] we're desperate to keep this place in music,” says McCracken. “We're humbled by the amount of years we've had so far and we couldn't feel more fortunate or blessed or however you look at it. But I feel like if we were to slow down even a second or if we were to take it for granted for even one second, we would deserve to have it taken from us.”

Putting that restored energy into their upcoming 16-track album produced by longtime collaborator John Feldmann, McCracken suggests this might just be the best Used album yet.

“I think this whole new record is going to be a surprise for a lot of people. I think it's the best of the best of The Used,” he says. “It has our heaviest stuff ever that we've ever released. There's even a song that's way heavier than ‘Blow Me’ featuring Caleb [Shomo] from Beartooth. And then there's the poppiest stuff that The Used has ever done. There's like some kind of disco tracks on the record and stuff. There's a lot of slap bass. It's crazy like it's all over the place. So yeah, we're really excited.”

To read more from our chat with McCracken as we helped cap off the band’s entirely sold old North American tour, be sure to see below. Afterward, make sure to pre-order Heartwork here.

We're on the last day of your small club underplay tour. What’s the experience been like for you getting to play these small, intimate shows again?

BERT MCCRACKEN: Incredible. A lot of the shows, we come into the venue in the late afternoon when I get out of bed and I recognize the club from 18-19 years ago. Yesterday, at Sunshine Theater in New Mexico, we played a show [there] on our very very first tour ever with Goldfinger, Reel Big Fish, Sugarcult and The Used opening up the show. So it's been incredible nostalgia. It's been exactly what I think rock and roll and punk rock music is all about -- right up close, in your face, sweaty. It's that feeling of togetherness that comes from a small club vibe that you kind of don't get anywhere else that's so special, especially with a band like The Used. We're a band about feelings and the bigger picture and we take music very seriously. It's been incredible. I can't believe it's already over. Time flies when you're having fun.

Do you miss that intimacy you get with these smaller shows?

Yeah, a lot of times you would if you're on a big festival run and you've been doing outside shows with the crowd, maybe 15-20 feet away for months. It's always different parts of it that are really cool. Playing to a gigantic crowd has its own pluses but this is definitely our favorite. This is where we started out. This is where it kind of becomes a competition with yourself. I'm not a young kid anymore, so I know what these clubs are going to be like. I know what the bathroom situations are going to be like [laughs] and I know what I expect of myself with a small crowd like this. I know what I would want to see if I came to see The Used. So it's about throwing it down really really furiously as hard as you can.

It's funny you say that considering you're playing some newer songs on this tour like “Blow Me” which is one of the heavier songs you guys have released. What’s it been like playing that song and getting to see the fans react a few feet away from you?

It's incredible, man. It's such a cool diverse mix of kids. To see girls moshing is always fun. When we take new songs out on the road sometimes, it takes quite a while to figure out the song live but “Blow Me” and “Paradise Lost A Poem by John Milton” both feel like we've been playing them for 10 years. It's magical and mysterious why it feels like that. But I think this whole new record is going to be a surprise for a lot of people. I think it's the best of the best of The Used. Like you said, it has our heaviest stuff ever that we've ever released. There's even a song that's way heavier than “Blow Me” featuring Caleb from Beartooth. And then there's the poppiest stuff that The Used has ever done. There's like some kind of disco tracks on the record and stuff. There's a lot of slap bass. It's crazy like it's all over the place. So yeah, we're really excited. We all love such different types of music so seeing the difference for us is important. And that live experience, whether it's heavy or completely melodic, is so fun. I think The Used is a live band first.

Do you find yourself still listening to much heavy music these days?

A hundred percent. I think my most listened to record last year was A Different Shade of Blue by Knocked Loose. One of the best heavy records that's come out in forever. It was so reminiscent of stuff that I loved in the late 90s. So yeah, I listen to a little bit of a lot of everything.

Do you think that helped inspire some of the heavier songs on this record?

Yeah, a hundred percent. I mean, I was a hardcore kid growing up. My favorite bands were Coalesce, Converge, and Ink & Dagger. If it wasn't that heavy, then I was kind of like a prick and a punk about it. I was one of those kids [laughs]. So yeah, my world and my background is soaked in heaviness but then again, some of the other guys like Jeph [Howard, bassist] are very very diverse. He loves heavy music. He loves like Mr. Bungle and stuff that's heavy like that but he loves crazy eccentric tribal stuff and cultural stuff so it's a really cool kind of flow. Dan [Whitesides, drummer] loves rock and roll music, like rock and roll, like butt rock almost. I think he would say, if he had to pick a band, Mötley Crüe is his favorite band. And Joey [Bradford, guitarist] is all over the place. Joey's the youngest guy in the band and he loved The Used growing up. He loved bands like that and he loved punk rock and it's a perfect fit. All those different elements kind of create something special.

Do you think having Joey on this record helped instill some energy in the band a little bit?

I think we were in that place maybe before Joey came around. I think The Used has been firing off insanely for the past couple years. There's something about approaching 20 years as a band and approaching 40 as human beings [where] we're desperate to keep this place in music. We're humbled by the amount of years we've had so far and we couldn't feel more fortunate or blessed or however you look at it. But I feel like if we were to slow down even a second or if we were to take it for granted for even one second, we would deserve to have it taken from us. So yeah, I think Joey is the perfect candidate to jump into this vibe because he's driven, he's passionate and you kind of get swept up in my ambition and my drive if you're not careful. I've never been more healthy or happy and that creates such a beautiful kind of cohesiveness with the band.

We know you've been focusing more on your fitness and health lately. Has that helped with your songwriting and maybe your energy on stage at all?

100%. It helps with everything. What I found that helps and why I became obsessed with the gym is the after-effects. The endorphins I feel when I leave, it's almost a perfect cure for depression if you take it seriously. Those dark thoughts that become even darker and the voice in your head that can slowly convince you that you're not good enough -- that guy doesn't come around when I'm keeping to my workout routine. That guy stays buried in the mountain of positivity I've built. Also, I got this insane type of focus. I like to read a lot. And whenever I read after I work out, I have this insane concentration, insane focus, I can just read for hours. So there are so many benefits from it.

Does it make you wish you got into it sooner in life?

Of course. But it's hard to look at life that way. I think a lot of the reasons why The Used is special is because people have followed the journey of the ups and downs. You know, there's a lot of dark times but I think that I wouldn't be me if it wasn't for those specific moments.

Talking about some of those ups and downs, 2017′s The Canyon was a very personal record for you. Do you think getting that record off your chest so to speak helped you come closer to this positivity for the new record?

I think so, yeah. A lot of the process from a record is just a snapshot of a moment in that band's life. And what was going on in my life [at the time] was very tragic. I just lost one of my best friends and had the opportunity to make a record that was like an art experiment in grieving and see how far I could take it and how personal I could get and how open and honest with myself and specific even. So it was painful and brutal. The other side of it was we did it all to tape, so it was like we had to really actually be in the moment playing it. So we learned a lot. We would never do it again. It's one of these like religious moments for our band. It was very spiritual with Ross Robinson, who was very out of this world. I learned that the way humans connect to music is on a personal, individual level. It's only as important as you make it in your own life. That’s why I think The Used fans are so special because it is live [or] die for most of us.

Going back to Heartwork, one thing we’re sure that helped bring a lot of positivity to the album was working with John Feldmann again. What was that process like?   

It was the most relaxed and excited and focused I've ever felt in the studio. He's come full-circle with who he used to be as well. We all changed quite a bit. The John Feldmann that's leftover is the John Feldmann that is the hardest working individual I've ever met. He is the most passionate, the most dedicated, but he also has this newfound relaxed ability to just chill out and have a great time. So some of the focus going into this record was like, let's just make songs that are fun. Let's have fun doing it. Let's not put any expectations on anything. Whatever happens, let's try to say yes to everything. Even the stuff we might not have said yes to in the past, let's say yes to all of it. So he was the perfect kind of facilitator for all of those things. He's driven and he trusts the band just like we trust him.

One of the things you said yes to was guest features from the likes of Blink-182, Beartooth and FEVER 333. All of them have worked with John Feldmann in the past. Was he the one that brought those to the table?

Yeah, Feldmann has like a working machine in his studio that's incredible. He has this flow to things, like a song-a-day-type situation. He's become really close with the Blink guys since he worked on their record and we have toured with Blink in the past. So the first impressions were already beautiful, like, we've already developed relationships with the guys individually. So that was definitely not one of the things where I was like, “I don't know...” It was some of the more -- you'll hear it in the record -- some of the more pop moments that could be the most modern moments on the record. Something that a hardcore kid would have a hard time saying yes to. But working with Travis [Barker] was insane. He's the most beautiful, humble guy. I think he has a reputation for being this hardass just because he's such a quiet and chilled-out dude. And Mark [Hoppus] as well, just one of the nicest people you could meet. So humble, I mean who hasn’t heard of Blink-182 in this world? They’re massive. So yeah, to be able to kind of pick his brain in the process, we had a blast. Caleb from Beartooth recently has worked with Feldmann as well. So yeah, all those connections were kind of serendipitous. Really, really awesome that it happened that way.

Looking at the tracklist for Heartwork, there's one song specifically we want to ask you about. It’s called “Wow, I Hate This Song.” Can you touch on that a little bit?

That is a song I have been kind of dreaming into existence for the past like 12 years. There are so many songs I hate in the world and I have a lot of fun hating things. Cynicism is such a blessed entertainment at times if you're not being totally serious. You can see things for what it is -- and not to take anything away from the importance of music because everything is special to someone for some reason. But when I turn on satellite radio or when I'm just like scrolling around on any streaming site, it's like, “Holy shit. How the fuck did we get here?” Like, “This is the worst garbage I've ever heard.” So [“Wow, I Hate This Song”], it's super heavy and there’s this riff in it that's brutally heavy but it's also this super catchy, almost pretty wonderful song. So yeah, it's been a thought in the making for quite a long time. Finally nailed it down, so excited.

Being in a band for about 20 years, you can probably point out pretty well when songs aren’t very authentic and written for other purposes. Does it bum you out when some of those songs get so much notoriety?

I think in a way it speaks for itself because you can kind of get the gist of something and then if it blows up, it's only a matter of time before it completely disappears. I think there are only a few things that can become huge and stay relevant. I think The Used has always had a really cool way to avoid that trap that gives you the one hit song where it's almost like a career-ender. But yeah, it's all a part of it. I've never been a fan of hugely popular music other than when I was a child. I loved Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston, pop music in the 80s. But since then, my favorite bands are bands that don't have a lot of listeners per month. It's not like 9 million, it's more like 130,000 people listening to Converge a month. So yeah, for me, I don't really pay too much attention. I like to listen to all of it because I appreciate great production and great melody no matter who wrote it. I think we're getting to a point in digitally recorded music where everybody has the same tools and the same plugins [where] it's kind of come back on the artists now. It's like you got to actually be able to do it again. Things like Dua Lipa and these pop songs... anybody could build those tracks in their room. So if the artists' personality is there and you can tell someone can really sing right away -- I think we're coming into a cool place again.

It seems like 2020 could be a whole new decade where the cream rises to the top and people start to recognize what's good and what's not.

I fully agree, man. It's an exciting time for music. There's a huge resurgence of music that's backed by emotions, about the bigger things in life, not so much about how much money you have and how many bitches. We had 10 years of that. I think everyone's just like, I just want to feel something.

Interestingly enough, a lot of bands like My Chemical Romance, Rage Against The Machine, The Receiving End Of Sirens, Armor For Sleep are all coming back. It's pretty cool.

Yeah, either they're bored of just whatever they've been up to or... [laughs]. It's tough once you're on stage, once you've done it, to walk away from it for good. There's something so special about the whole process, about the setup of the show, then you're waiting around to play and there's this nervous excitement. I fully understand why if you were in a band you'd want to come back and do it, especially right now. This time for music is so cool. And any little bit of hype around the type of music we play is only good for music fans, I think. It's awesome, cooler tours and more fun experiences live. Those are the memories you keep. I think we've been saying it a lot during the show: If we can close our eyes and capture this moment, when we're out there dealing with the real shit in the fucking Trump America and all that, the whole world of it, we can maybe revert back to these moments and take some positivity from it and take some value in our own lives and know “Yeah things are rough, but there's a place for me.”

It's a Love Story: The History of Taylor Swift's Fiercely Tight Bond With Her Parents

by NATALIE FINN Aug. 13, 2019

Taylor Swift has gotten a ton of musical mileage out of the romantic relationships that have come and gone in her life, but those guys haven't been the truly essential players in her journey to the top of the pop star pyramid.

Instead, it's Scott and Andrea Swift, Taylor's parents, who have championed their daughter since day one, believing in her so much that they left their palatial house in Reading, Penn., for Nashville, where a determined 14-year-old Taylor felt she had to be to make her dream a reality.

Talking to CMT, she said her parents weren't just indulging her for the sake of being supportive. "My parents actually believed it," she said.

Before her Reputation Tour touched down in Philadelphia last year, she took a few friends to visit her childhood home, a Christmas tree farm in Wyomissing, where the new owners were apparently happy to let the famous former resident in to take a look at her old room.

"I went to the house I grew up in. I got emotional when I went into my bedroom, and there's another little girl's things in there," Swift told the sold-out crowd one night at Lincoln Financial Field. "It's not my family farm anymore. We sold it when we went to Nashville. I've been thinking about how cool it is to be back where I started writing songs."

She told CMT that, back in the day, her parents never pushed her, but "I would not leave them alone."

Taylor was barely out of grade school when Andrea Swift (née Gardner Finlay) first took her to Nashville to drop off the CDs she had made of her singing karaoke with record labels, having seen in documentaries about Shania Twain and LeAnn Rimes that Music City, U.S.A., was where she needed to be.

"My mom waited in the car with my little brother while I knocked on doors up and down Music Row," Swift recalled to Entertainment Weekly in 2008. "I would say, 'Hi, I'm Taylor. I'm 11; I want a record deal. Call me."'

Well, the world wasn't ready for it just yet.

"She came back from that trip to Nashville and realized she needed to be different, and part of that would be to learn the guitar," Andrea told EW. "Now, at 12, she saw a 12-string guitar and thought it was the coolest thing. And of course we immediately said, 'Oh no, absolutely not, your fingers are too small—not till you're much older will you be able to play the 12-string guitar.'

"Well, that was all it took. Don't ever say never or can't do to Taylor. She started playing it four hours a day—six on the weekends. She would get calluses on her fingers and they would crack and bleed, and we would tape them up and she'd just keep on playing. That's all she played, till a couple of years later, which was the first time she ever picked up a six-string guitar. And when she did, it was like, 'wow, this is really easy!'"

Swift performed in venues all over Pennsylvania, wherever she could get a gig, and wrote her little heart out.  She went back to Nashville at 13 and got a development deal at RCA Records, which she declined to re-up after a year, wanting to record only songs that she had a hand in writing. At 14 she became the youngest person in the roster at Sony/ATV Publishing.

So, the whole family—Scott, Andrea, Taylor and her brother, Austin Swift—eventually relocated to Hendersonville, about 20 miles outside Nashville, in 2003. But they didn't explicitly put it that way at the time.

"I knew I was the reason they were moving," Taylor later told Self. "But they tried to put no pressure on me. They were like, 'Well, we need a change of scenery anyway,' and 'I love how friendly the people in Tennessee are.'"

"I never wanted to make that move about her 'making it,"' Andrea explained to EW. "Because what a horrible thing if it hadn't happened, for her to carry that kind of guilt or pressure around. And we moved far enough outside Nashville to where she didn't have to be going to school with producers' kids and label presidents' kids and be reminded constantly that she was struggling to make it. We've always told her that this is not about putting food on our table or making our dreams come true.

"There would always be an escape hatch into normal life if she decided this wasn't something she had to pursue. And of course that's like saying to her, 'If you want to stop breathing, that's cool.'"

Swift ended up fatefully signing with Big Machine Records, run by Scott Borchetta, who had just left Universal Music Group to start his own label.

"They only had 10 employees at the record label to start out with, so when they were releasing my first single, my mom and I came in to help stuff the CD singles into envelopes to send to radio," Taylor recalled to EW. "We sat out on the floor and did it because there wasn't furniture at the label yet."

Meanwhile, Scott and Andrea—formerly a marketing manager at an advertising agency—had already set up Taylor's website and MySpace page (with Taylor writing her bio, updates and responses to fans herself, of course).

"The mom and dad both have great marketing minds," Rick Barker, Swift's manager at the time, told EW. "I don't want to say fake it until you make it, but when you looked at her stuff, it was very professional even before she got her deal."

Andrea said that her daughter relished the recognition, the selfie requests and the otherwise positive attention from fans of her music, "but she never in her life ever said, 'I want to be famous' or 'I want to be rich' or 'I want to be a star.' Those words absolutely never came out of her mouth. If they had, I would have said, 'Honey, maybe you're doing it kind of for the wrong reasons.'

"For her, the happiest I ever see her is just after she's written a killer song. As a parent, I felt really good about that. If that's where she draws happiness from, she'll have that the rest of her life. She's not always gonna have the awards, or the attention, or the celebrity, but she will always have the ability to write a song."

Swift has credited her mother for instilling in her the importance of maintaining her independence, financial and otherwise, saying, "She raised me to be logical and practical. I was brought up with such a strong woman in my life and I think that had a lot to do with me not wanting to do anything halfway."

Andrea's mother, Marjorie Finlay, was a professional opera singer and a magnetic presence in every room—a quality Taylor shared with her grandma, Scott Swift once said. "The two of them had some sort of magic where they could walk into a room and remember everyone's name," he said. "Taylor has the same grace and physique of Andrea's mother."

Taylor described her dad, meanwhile, as "just a big teddy bear who tells me everything I do is perfect." That being said, she added, "business-wise, he's brilliant."

Once Taylor's career started to take off, Scott, who had relocated his business to Nashville, stayed in town with Austin while Andrea accompanied their daughter on tour, helping her finish high school on the road.

"She was always singing music when she was 3, 5, 6, 7 years old," Scott, an investment banker with Merill Lynch who ran The Swift Group under the company's umbrella, told the University of Delaware's UDaily in 2009. "It's Taylor doing what she likes to do." (When she was quite little, Taylor recalled, she would tell people she was going to be a financial advisor, even though she didn't know what that meant.)

"We had a kid that was really passionate about it," he said. Getting that first deal at 13 "was the confirmation that maybe she wasn't crazy, because her writing is why she got it."

Swift was 16 when her self-titled debut album came out in October 2006. Less than a year later, she opened for Brad Paisley at the Allentown Fair, a big-ticket gig in her home state.

While "Tim McGraw," her first-ever single, eventually drew the most attention, her second single, "Teardrops on My Guitar," was her first top-15 single (peaking at 13) and the next, "Our Song," became her biggest hit on country radio to date, her first No. 1 on the Hot Country Songs chart.

Scott Swift hasn't had to do much lately when it comes to Taylor's ridiculously successful career, but he helped out where he could early on (not including the unconfirmed reports that he advised Harry Styles to not rush things when he and Taylor started dating). He told UDaily that he helped arrange Taylor's prime-time gig singing the national anthem during Game 3 of the 2008 World Series, a home game for the Philadelphia Phillies (who went on to beat the Tampa Bay Rays in five games). Scott went to college with the Phillies' facilities manager.

"The reason she sang the anthem is because two University of Delaware alumni kept in touch over the years," Scott told the paper. But as time went on, Taylor's reputation preceded her. "I've heard from a lot of great alumni, and I'm convinced they live in every city, because whenever Taylor's rolling into wherever she is, we'll hear from them," her dad said. "It's really powerful."

Scott and Andrea are hardly the unsung heroes of Taylor's life, though—quite the opposite, in fact.

You'd have been forgiven for assuming that "The Best Day," off of 2008's Fearless, centers on the father-daughter bond (going by the line "I have an excellent father / His strength is making me stronger"), but it's really a sweeping ode to Andrea, the one who waited in the car while tween Taylor knocked on doors.

"'The Best Day' is a song that I wrote without telling my mom," Swift shared in 2011. "I wrote it in the summertime, and I recorded it secretly, too. I had this idea that I wanted to play it for her for Christmas. So, when I got the track I synced up all of these home videos from when I was a little kid to go along with the song like a music video, and played it for her on Christmas Eve and she was crying her eyes out."

She eventually had to stop playing it live because Andrea was always dissolving into tears backstage.

Taylor continued, "Remembering all the times that we had when she was my only friend when I was 13 and I couldn't understand why my friends were being so mean to me. She would just take me on these adventures and we would drive around and go to towns we'd never seen before.

"Those adventures and those days of just running away from my problems—you're not supposed to run away from your problems, but when you're 13 and your friends won't talk to you and they move when you sit down at the lunch table, and your mom lets you run from those problems, I think it's a good thing... My mom was my escape in a lot of ways."

Andrea recalled the days when Taylor's friends seemed to be turning on her, telling Elle Girl she'd have to "pick [Taylor] up off the floor," she was hurting so badly.

When she was 21 she bought her parents a $1.4 million house in Nashville, around the same time she bought her first house in Los Angeles.

By 2011, the Taylor road show ran like a well-oiled machine, in no small part because of Andrea's watchful eye.

"Well, you know, she's just been doing this for so long that, to me, this is just like soccer practice," Swift's mom shrugged to the New Yorker in a 2011 profile.

After which Scott quipped, "I'm not taking her money, if that's what you're saying."

The writer noted that at least either her mom or dad was at every show that she attended, but Taylor said that they were "staying home more" than they used to.

Through the years, Andrea has become a familiar face to everyone who follows Taylor's career, from the Swifties to the paparazzi, but neither mother nor daughter has made a habit of sharing too much personal information about their family—and they, unlike some celebrities' parents, Andrea and Scott haven't been clamoring to share the spotlight.

So it was only under the greatest of emotional strains that Swift shared in 2015 that Andrea was battling cancer.

"Usually when things happen to me, I process them and then write music about how I feel, and you hear it much later," Swift wrote on Tumblr. "This is something my family and I thought you should know about now." She explained how she had encouraged her mom to go to the doctor, "just to ease some worries of mine. She agreed, and went in to get checked. There were no red flags and she felt perfectly fine, but she did it just to get me and my brother off her case about it. The results came in, and I'm saddened to tell you that my mom has been diagnosed with cancer."

Part of the message was to explain why Andrea wouldn't be at as many shows as usual, so enmeshed she was in the Taylor tour fabric.

"I'd like to keep the details of her condition and treatment plans private, but she wanted you to know," Swift explained. "She wanted you to know because your parents may be too busy juggling everything they've got going on to go to the doctor, and maybe you reminding them to go get checked for cancer could possibly lead to an early diagnosis and an easier battle."

A little over a week later, Andrea introduced her daughter at the Academy of Country Music Awards, where Taylor was one of seven being honored with the Milestone Award.

"I've watched this milestone artist from the time she was a tangled-hair little girl...Full of imagination and creativity until right now when she prepares for her next world tour," Mama Swift said. Tears starting to build, she concluded, "I'm a very proud mom."

The whole family gathered a month later to cheer Austin's graduation from Notre Dame.

On Mother's Day in 2015, Taylor personally responded to a message from a fan who had lost her own mom and was understandably having a rough day. The singer wrote back on Tumblr, "I love you so much and can't imagine what you must be feeling today. You've lived through my worst fear. I'm so sorry you can't spend today with her. It's not fair, and there's no reason why you should feel okay about it. No one should ever expect you to feel normal today."

Andrea sightings did become less frequent, but when she was spotted (having dinner with Taylor and Tom Hiddleston in L.A. in the summer of 2016, for instance), she looked like her usual self. And in 2017 she was by Taylor's side in Colorado when her daughter's dueling lawsuits with a D.J. she had accused of groping her went to trial.

Andrea testified that Taylor had told her right away that the D.J.—who sued Swift for $3 million after he was fired over the incident, after which she countersued, alleging sexual assault—had grabbed her butt while they were taking a photo during a meet-and-greet in 2013.

Explaining why they didn't immediately report him to police, Andrea said, "I did not want her to have to live through the endless memes and GIFs and anything else that tabloid media or trolls would be able to come up with...making her relive this awful moment over and over again."

"I was upset to the point where I wanted to vomit and cry at the same time," she added. "We felt it was imperative to let his employers know what happened."

The jury decided in Swift's favor, awarding her the symbolic $1 in damages she had asked for.

Andrea successfully completed treatment, but Swift revealed in March in her "30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30" essay for Elle that the cancer had returned. And, she shared for the first time that her dad had battled cancer as well.

"Both of my parents have had cancer, and my mom is now fighting her battle with it again," she wrote. "It's taught me that there are real problems and then there's everything else. My mom's cancer is a real problem. I used to be so anxious about daily ups and downs. I give all of my worry, stress, and prayers to real problems now."

Still, the now almost 30-year-old artist—winner of 10 Grammys, seller of millions of albums—won't go into too much detail when it comes to her parents' personal lives.

"There was a relapse that happened," Swift told Vogue for its 2019 September issue when asked about her mom's health. "It's something that my family is going through."

And that's a whole other kind of love story.

E! News

The Photo Shoot

Here’s my take on the adorable request given to me by  @a-bad-actor !! Hope you like it!

Tony needs a photo of a young and happy face to put on Stark Industry’s website and requests Peter’s aid. When the grumpy kid can’t seem to smile normally, Stark takes matters into his own hands.

word count: 1,800

“Mr. Stark, couldn’t you find someone else to do this…?”

Peter squinted uncomfortably beneath the harsh lights, pulling at his collar. He felt like a bug being studied under a microscope—a bright, judgmental microscope. Tony Stark stood behind the camera, fiddling with the settings.

“Nope. You’re the only intern that’s here this late. And the youngest, therefore the most endearing and inspirational to potential applicants.”

“But I’m not even a real intern, Mr. Stark. It’s a front, remember?”

“Who cares? You think the 20-something-year-old grad students scrolling through the Stark Industry’s website are going to know that?” He narrowed his eyes as he racked the lens. “I just want a nice picture of a welcoming face to put on the online brochure. It’ll help encourage youngsters such as yourself to apply for all the internship positions and project grants my company is now offering.”

“That’s really cool of you, Mr. Stark,” Peter said, swallowing. “But, um…I’m just not very photogenic. I hate getting my picture taken. And my face is crazy broken out right now, so can’t you just hire someone tomorrow to pose for—?”

“The re-vamped website goes live at midnight, so no.” Tony clicked one last button on the camera’s screen, then stepped away. “Relax, kid—you look fine. Just think how awesome it will be to show all your friends a pic of your handsome mug on Stark Industry’s home page.”

Peter hung his head. “Yeah. So awesome…”

Tony scoffed. “What’s your problem? I thought you’d love this.”

The kid shrugged haphazardly. “Whatever. Let’s just get it over with.”

“Alright then, grumpy pants,” he snorted. He held up the shutter remote and gave it a shake. “Say ‘cheese’.”

The smile Peter pasted on his face was so pathetic, Tony thought he was just holding back a sneeze. Or crushing something between his teeth. He stared at him with a mixture of confusion and amusement, waiting for him to actually attempt to smile, his finger hovering over the shutter release button.

“Uh…seriously? That’s the face you’re going with? That’s what you want a quarter million people to wake up to tomorrow morning?”

Peter huffed miserably. “I told you I’m bad at this, Mr. Stark.”

“Just smile. Like you always do. Don’t think about it so much.”

The kid rolled his eyes and tried again. This time, it looked like he was in actual, physical pain, like someone was holding a knife to his back and threatening to kill him if he didn’t pretend to look happy. 

And boy, was he bad at pretending. 

Tony took a picture just to see if he’d look any better on camera. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t. If anything, he actually looked worse. Stark couldn’t help but laugh.

“Geez, Pete, are you trying to look constipated? Is that the new fad among you Gen Z types? Cuz if so, you are killing it.”

Peter blushed and stared at the floor. “I hate you.”

Chuckling, Tony stepped forward. “Here,” he said, giving his shoulders a shake. “Loosen up. Don’t stand so stiffly.”

“Why don’t you just take a picture of yourself? You’re so much better at this kind of stuff.”

“The whole website is already plastered with my face. We need a dash of youth and freshness to spice things up.” He licked his fingers and ran them through Peter’s hair, making him grimace. “But if you want, I can show you how it’s done.”

He walked behind Peter and struck a few casual poses, boasting a subtle yet winning smile. He snapped a few photos just for show while the kid threw his hands in the air.

“But see, that’s what I’m saying—it’s easy for you. For me, it’s just…not. I can’t do this. I give up.”

Tony caught him before he could sulk away. “Just one more try, that’s all I’m asking.” He turned the dejected teen back to the camera. “Imagine you’re receiving an award, or smiling at a girl you like. Anything like that. Think of something that makes you genuinely happy, and channel that energy into a nice, natural smile. You can do it.” He took a few steps back and to the side. “I’ll stay behind you so you don’t feel pressured.”

Peter sighed helplessly and stared into the daunting eye of the lens. He tried his best to do as Stark said, he really did. It wasn’t working in the slightest, but that was okay. Because Tony didn’t expect it to work. He just needed something to keep the kid distracted while he executed his real plan to make the kid smile.

When Tony stopped firing the shutter, Peter figured he was doing something wrong, and let out a frustrated groan. “I’m telling you, Mr. Stark, I can’t do it. Either find some other stupid intern for your photo, or steal a stock pic from the Internet. I just—I can’t—”

Peter’s angry rant was interrupted by two hands seizing him around the middle and squeezing his sides just above his hips. The kid let out a shriek of surprise, followed by a flood of laughter.

“AHAhahack! Whahat the—?” He sprung away, wrapping his arms around his midsection, flustered to his core. “Mr. Stark! W-what was that for?”

“Ha! I knew that would work.” Tony stepped around him and turned the camera screen for Peter to see. “Look at that smile! It’s perfect!”

In the photo, Peter’s eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth was wide with smiley laughter. His head was tilted back while his cheeks glowed a gentle pink. He looked truly, genuinely happy; Stark could hardly believe it, especially compared to the slew of depressing shots taken previously.

Upon seeing the picture, the kid’s face burned. “No, no, please don’t use that.”

“Why not? You look so happy. It’s like you’re in an Old Navy ad.”

“But it’s…embarrassing,” he murmured.

Tony smiled softly. “No. It’s cute. Anyone who sees it will love it.”

“Not me…”

Stark sighed and faced the camera back towards the teenager. “Fine. I guess we’ll just have to keeping taking more until there’s one we both like.”

Without hesitating, he marched up to him, causing Peter to wince. “W-wait, what—?” Before he could get away, Stark scooped the kid into his arms and started drilling his tummy with tickles, kneading his fingers up and down his sides. The response was hysterical and instantaneous.

“Whaha—AHAHA NOHOHO! M-Mihihihister Stahahahark!” He kicked and squirmed and laughed like crazy, grappling at Tony’s wrists, his face bright and happy. “Stohohahap—wahahahait! Eheeheehahaha!”

“But this is the only way to make you smile normally,” Stark replied, chuckling at Peter’s adorable squirminess, “which would’ve been nice to know about a lot sooner. Now I know exactly how to cheer you up whenever you’re being a grouch.”

Peter managed to flail right out of his arms, but that only led to Tony pinning him to the ground and spidering his fingers underneath the kid’s T-shirt, scribbling his bare tummy in tickles. His laugher jumped in both volume and octave; his wriggling transformed into wild floundering.

“AHAHAHAHAAA!” he cried, whipping his head back and forth, bucking and squealing like a helpless piglet. “OHO SHIHIHIHITNOHOHOHAHAHA!”

“All we need is one good picture we both agree on, and then we’re done. Since you’re so picky, I’m trying to make sure we get every angle.”

“AHAHAHANY ONE! USE AHAHAHAHANY ONE! I DOHOHOHOHON’T C-CAHAHARE HAHAHA!” Tony’s evil hands clawed all over his ribs, belly, and underarms, driving the ticklish teen mad with giggles. “JUHUHAHAST STOHOHAHAHAHAP! MIHIHISTER STAHAHAHARK! EHEHAHAHAHA!”

When Stark saw tears flooding the poor kid’s eyes as he fought pathetically to escape, he finally let up. Peter was left in a bundle on the floor, panting with relief. Tony smiled down at the giggly hero. He was so cute, it almost made him sick.

“You think we got one you might like?” he chuckled.

“M-Mihihister Stahark…” he moaned, laughter still clinging to his words. “Whyhyhy…”

Tony sighed solemnly and offered him a hand. “Look, if you really don’t want your picture on the website, I won’t put one on there.”

Peter stared up and him, blinking in surprise.

“I can figure something else out. Maybe stick some silly graphic on it. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

Peter hesitantly accepted his help and stood, blushing at the floor. “N-no, it’s fine. Go ahead, I don’t care.”

“Yes you do.”

The teenager winced. Tony narrowed his eyes.

“Why? What’s got you so worried about it? 99% of the people who see your picture on there won’t even know you, and probably won’t pay it a second thought.”

“Yeah, but I…” He paused, licking his lips. “I don’t know. I’m used to seeing Spider-Man’s face online, in newspapers, whatever. It’s just freaky to think about my actual face on an important website, without my mask on.”

“Don’t you use Instagram and Snapchap or whatever? You post pics of your face on the Internet all the time.”

“Yeah, but I’m in control there. And my Instagram only has, like, eighty followers, so…” Peter scratched the back of his neck. “I just wish I could have my mask on for the photo. Could we do that instead? People would much rather see Spider-Man on your website than me.”

Stark’s heart tore as he stared down at the kid. At his center, Peter Parker was still just a teenager, with all fears and insecurities that came with it. Like any teenager, he’d much rather present a facade to the world than something authentic: his true self. Tony knew it could be scary. Releasing a slow breath, he placed his hand on his head and ruffled his hair.

“But they would be seeing Spider-Man. The real Spider-Man. The best part of Spider-Man.”

When Peter’s expression stayed stony, he fluttered his fingers against his neck, causing him to cringe and giggle.

“And I for one would much rather see Spider-Man’s smiling face than some dumb mask that hides it.”

Peter glanced up at him with a shy grin. It was the most endearing thing Stark had ever seen.

Tony walked back to the camera to look through the media. Not, of course, before snapping a quick photo once he was out of frame.

“Now come on. You pick which pic makes the final cut.”

…

As anticipated, the photo didn’t stir up much of a buzz. Peter did feel a bit like a celebrity among his friends, especially the ones who refused to believe that he worked with Tony Stark. Until now.

Peter would never admit that he actually liked the picture. And Tony would never admit that he had all the pictures from the laughter-filled photo shoot saved on his network, and that he would look at them as a choppy video sequence whenever he was feeling down.

6 Inch (chap 5/dd) {Lemonade Series}

Prompt: Each song from Lemonade tells a story in one way or another, the story of love being tortured and ruined to finding a conclusion that will work. You and David had been together for years, 3 years of marriage and one child. Although, David and You have been through some hard times. Rumors of infidelity had begun to spring about, leading to a one night binge of you re-thinking your love for him.

Word Count: 2,120

Chapter 5- 6 Inch

 It was a late Friday night in 2017. I was dressed to impressed, I mean at least impress the guys who come to the club who give me the money. I wish I could say I was the Hugh Heffner of this operation, but in all honesty, I was the playboy bunny. I moved out to LA with 1600 dollars and nothing to my name. I dreamt of starting my own clothing company, something I wanted to do since I was 12. I knew damn well with 1600 dollars the most you could get in LA was a shitty cubicle apartment. I was out there for 4 months, working as a waitress in Echo Park. The dinner was shut down and I was earning maybe 9 dollars a day, my tips lower and weaker with every service. I was evicted from my apartment, 8 months in. I was homeless. Surviving out on Skid Row. I never envisioned giving up. I wasn't the type to give up. I thought I would have to go home, I didn't wanna go back to Nebraska. I met Marty Karrington in downtown Los Angeles, Skid Row. I recall him saying, "A pretty girl like you shouldn't be out here on her own." I replied with, "Well I am, 1600 dollars can't get you enough." I scoffed, I rolled my eyes. Marty was in his late 40s and had the look of a Hugh Heffner. "You came out here with 1600?" He asked, his eyes widened as he took a seat next to me on the curb. I recollect thinking 'why am I letting this dude talk to me?'. I was at the point where I didn't care about where I was or where I go. I felt emptiness within me. I just couldn't go home. "Yeah, but it didn't work out quite," I said, gesturing to my current circumstances. Marty gave me a pitiful smile, he stared at me and glanced back at the streets. The next sentence he said would lead me to a whole new direction. "I know a way you could tripe that 1600 in 1 night." He said. I looked at him, I didn't quite get what he meant. "Wait I'm confused," I said. "What's your name?" He asked me. "(Y/N)." I replied. "Well (Y/N), are you over 18?" He asked me. I started to slowly understand what he meant. "20," I said. "Where's the strip club?" I asked him. "Burbank." He responded. "I don't think your a whore or anything, but I think you could use the money. The girls are great, the people pay, famous people come, it's a scene." He said chuckling. Marty reminded me of a childhood friend I had. He gave me an odd source of comfort. "When can I start?" I asked, my voice fracturing. I never thought in a million years I would turn to a strip club as my source of income. I remember my first night there, Megan Crawken was my mentor. She was an attractive brunette with blue eyes, blue seemed to be her color. She said to me, "Okay, so I showed you how to dance, and-" She was mentally going through the list in her mind. I lived with Marty momentarily, he took care of me and another girl named Claire Holland. "So, you get the gist of what goes on here?" Meghan asked me. I nodded yes, "Thank you," I said. "Oh please, It was nothing! Oh, one last thing-" She said turning around to face me, "Work hard, be smart, don't crave the materials, think more about your next meal. We both know this isn't the end goal for us, and it won't last forever. Watch your money and stack it up." She told me, looking me dead in the eyes. "Got it," I said. I went back to get dressed. I felt like meat wrapped in butcher's twine, which would make sense as I was about to be a carrot dangled in front of men's faces. I put on my 6-inch heels, courtesy of Meghan. It was different from what I pictured. Yeah, people paid attention, but at the same time, they didn't. Some dudes got drunk instead and just watched, some got really into it, throwing 100 dollar bills at us and others were too scared. It was a very intimidating process, I felt like I was on display for quite a while. By the time David came into the picture I had made quite a name for myself out there, I had worked there for 7 months, I had made thousands in a week. I finally got to move out with Marty and get my own place in Burbank. Yet, leaving Skid Row was bitter-sweet. Bitter because when I felt the emptiness, Skid Row gave the excitement back to me, I met Marty there, oddly I turned my life around there. Sweet because while I was turning my life around, people were losing theirs. Homeless was growing, the danger was more frequent and others kept feeling the emptiness I once felt. Claire went home, she couldn't kick it. I made a promise to myself that I would never go home. It worked, I sat in the living room of my apartment talking to Meghan. "Which shoes tonight?" I was going between a pink pair with fuzz and a gold pair with glitter. "What about these?" Meghan asked me. It was the simple black pair she gave me the first day I worked there. "Yeah, I'll wear them." I said. We both put on our shoes, put on coats and left my house. We strolled through the streets of Burbank until we made it to the club. "There are my headliners!" Marty said. We laughed. He wasn't disturbing as you'd expect from a dude running this type of work. He was actually incredibly caring and kind. He wanted to see us all grow from here. He knew Meghan was gonna be leaving soon, he was looking for his next Meghan and he believed that it was me. We walked past him to the dressing rooms. We got all ready and put our stuff down. Hannah L'Laome walked in. She was the youngest out of everyone here, freshly 18 off Hollywood Boulevard. "Hey, Hannah." I said. "Hi (Y/N)." She said, she plugged in her curler and began waving her hair. She had stars in her eyes. "Hannah, you should really get a day off!" Meghan laughed. Hannah worked the most out of all of us. "No, I gotta make money. That's the only way to pick it all up." She said, laughing but I knew she was serious. I patted her on the back as the music started to fill the club. Meghan and I walked out, doing our jobs. Having a hundred dollars bills, fifty dollar bills and twenty dollar bills were thrown at us. In the first hour, I made 700 dollars. Then, my whole world changed. In walked David Dobrik, a vlogger who has a 2.6 million dollar house. He was cute, he needed a haircut but he was cute. An older man walked in behind him, he started talking to Marty. I tried to overhear the conversation but I couldn't with the music blasting behind me. David looked at me, I looked at him back. He blushed, he was one of the shy kids. Marty started shouting for me to come over. I strolled off the stage and headed towards Marty. My heart-racing. "Yeah?" I said. "Meet David Dobrik and Jason Nash." He said shouting. I felt like I was gonna pass out. "Hi! (Y/N)!" I said my name back. David was enamored. I couldn't help but not keep my eyes off him. Cute was an understatement. "They need two strippers for a video, do you wanna do it?" Marty asked me. "How much am I getting paid?" I asked. Jason went to answer but David cut him off, "500". "David what?!" I remember Jason reprimanding him. "Wait! I have an idea!" David said walking away with Jason. Marty and I were perplexed. I went back to doing what I was doing, by hour 3 I doubled my 700 into 1400. David came back with a whole group of boys. Some cute, some not. He went back to Marty and held up his camera. Marty shook his head 'no' and pointed to the door. David shrugged and visibly got upset. I walked back over to them. "Marty, what's wrong?" I asked him. "They wanna film" I rolled my eyes at Marty, David watching my every move. "Let them film!" I said. "But-" Marty tried to argue with me. "Marty, you're crazy if you don't think other people aren't filming." I said. He nodded and let the group pass through the rope. David was smiling wide, "Thank you." He said. I nodded and brought them to a table, a section of their own and went back to doing what I was doing for the third time. I watched David film. Meghan pointed out to me something, "Yo, just go over and dance!" She said laughing. I laughed, there was no way I was gonna do that. As the night grew on and I rolled into my 5th hour David and his friends were still there. Getting crazy shots. I started getting really into it, moving my way to all the tables. Of course that included David's. I did a bit where who I know now as Zane and I danced on a table. Alcohol sprung up around us, I was having the time of my life. I sensed someone slide something into my leg band. It was a little white piece of paper. I smiled at them and left. Shortly after I heard they split. I didn't see it because I was making 4x my 1400. It was a good night for me. I went back to the dressing room putting all my money in my mesh bag, the white note fell out. I opened it and it read: Hi, here's my number (xxx) xxx-xxxx -David. My stomach erupted with butterflies. That night in my apartment we started texting, we called and then facetime for hours. I told him my dreams and he told me his. This routine kept going, I work, I come home and we facetime. Until one night we had a deep conversation. "You've been doing this for 18 months now. When are you gonna start working for the company start-up? You have the money now, you have the place." He said. I realized that he was right. I was working Monday to Friday and Friday to Sunday. I wasn't working for the dream anymore, I was working to work. I became addicted to the money. The next day, I gave Marty my resignation. It was almost like some mystical being brought back my emptiness from a year ago and delivered it to Marty. "(Y/N), thank you for all that you've done for me and the girls. I really appreciate it." He said, he smiled. A real smile, for the first time I had seen. He scribbled something on paper. "Here's my REAL telephone line, call me, keep in touch." He said. I told David I quit and he was ecstatic, taking me out for dinner that night, the first time we had seen each other since our ordeal. I found out 5 months later the club was shut down, Marty went on to live his own dream. He opened a restaurant out in Studio City. A very successful restaurant, the one that David and I would go for our 8-month anniversary.  I thought about how that one night changed my life tremendously. I own that clothing company now. I watched Meghan end up on the runway, I watched Hannah become a fashion designer. I think about how they may even know my troubled relationship. The emptiness resurfaces in me. I want David back. I want him to love me again, to come back to me and fall at my feet. I want him to come back. Come back home. The baby monitor in my room started making noises. Through all of Kaela's whines, I heard the word, "Dada?". 

KCON NY 2019 Recap

Wow I was actually in New York for four days and four nights. When I first saw the fromis_9 KCON NY announcement I knew there was no way I wasn't going to go. It looks like they made some great memories in NY/LA and I wanted a part of the fun too. Plus I wanted to avoid some of the regret I had last year in that I didn't go to KCON LA 2018. I already got super invested in them through June/July but I don't think I was emotionally ready/mature enough to go on a solo trip like this by myself.

Friday, July 5th

So to start out my trip, my flight to Newark was delayed for four hours. At least at the airport, I met the most beautiful family and got to play with their kids for a couple hours. The kids went boy girl boy where the youngest boy was causing trouble (literally me since I’m the third child), and the girl had no concept of stranger danger so she told me a wide assortment of TMIs about her family. The lady sitting next to me (Annie!) on the flight was also the sweetest soul imaginable, so we chatted for a couple hours before both watching Crazy Rich Asians (I admittedly cried at the ending).

I arrived after 9pm (no chance for early check-in or Klub KCON though I didn't want to dance with 16 year olds anyways), and I get anxious af when I'm in a foreign place without knowing exactly where I'm going, so I mass googled/kept asking for strangers for help to get to Manhattan. After I got settled into my hotel, Maya met me outside we went to Times Square! I'm so glad she came out and saw me that night because 1) I haven't seen her since summer of maybe 2016? so I missed her a ton 2) I literally had no idea how the NY subway worked before she told me 3) I wanted to go Times Square at night and 4) I wouldn't have wanted to go alone. We caught up on literally everything and I went to bed pretty late considering I wanted to check-in early to sell my A1 artist engagement pack.

and our “first date” pose because we were standing so damn far from each other:

Saturday, July 6th

I got up at 6am EDT (so 3am PDT aka rip), and rushed over to the Javits Convention Center to get in line. I brought like literally nothing because I was afraid you couldn't bring food in or they'd throw away my hydroflask. As it turns it, the staff didn't care at all, and there was hardly any line. After checking in, I got my A1 artist engagement pack ($150) which had an AB6IX high touch, a TXT audience pass, and an SF9 audience pass. 

I almost panicked because I didn't know how popular AB6IX was, and if I had gotten ATEEZ/TXT I literally would have made at least a $100 net profit. I sat in line with some new people before I summoned enough courage to go into the artist engagement mob. Almost immediately, a girl ran up to me and asked me if I wanted to sell my hi-touch. I wanted to gauge the "market price" a bit more because I was still early af, but since I was still kinda panicking, I sold it to her for $100 and her SF9 audience pass. I looked around and that's when I figured out all the girls were trying to trade their hi-touches for the groups they wanted and all the guys were trying to buy their IZ ONE/(G)-IDLE hi-touches (the only two girl groups doing an artist engagement since Everglow couldn't attend and fromis_9 wasn't doing one). For the eight groups there, I'm pretty sure the market price went something alone the lines of

ATEEZ >>>>>>>> TXT = IZ ONE >> (G)-IDLE = The Boyz >>> SF9 = AB6IX >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> VeriVery

where the ">" shows the relative difference between each group. I thought TXT would be up with ATEEZ but I was clearly wrong. That's why I was pretty happy to get the AB6IX hi-touch off my hands. VeriVery hi-touches were being sold for $20 and people were throwing away their audience passes. I heard someone bought an ATEEZ hi-touch for $550 lmao.

I sold my AB6IX hi-touch, sat back in line with my new friends, and traded my TXT audience pass for an ATEEZ audience pass based on my sense of how popular each group was. I made another lap around the mob and a girl bought my ATEEZ audience pass almost instantly for $40. I made another lap maybe ten minutes later and sold one of my SF9 audience passes for $30 (I'm pretty sure I ripped her off on this one really hard but oh well). I couldn't find a buyer for my other SF9 audience pass so I decided to hold onto it until tomorrow since that's when their artist engagement would be. At this point, I was already +$20 in profit and I still had an audience pass leftover.

All the trading chaos settled at around 8:45am, but the convention didn't start until 11am. I just talked with some 16/17 year olds that were ridiculously into ATEEZ and other boy groups (surprisingly not NUEST or Seventeen).

I was one of the first into the convention and I made a full lap to scout around before picking something to do. The Toyota booth snatched me first and when I told them I was legit gonna get a 2020 Camry they were !!! and made me play their game. You had to search the Corolla for four QR codes, and take selfies with the filter that's prompted after scanning it in 90 seconds. The iPad they gave me glitched the fuck out so I only got three done. They gave me a "The Boyz Meet and Greet" pass which would allow me to go to the front of the line when they made a "surprise visit" at the Toyota booth. I was being a nice guy and told some The Boyz fan about it nearby, so the girl did it, succeeded, and won a fucking IZ ONE hi-touch >.> (people were selling that for $150 minimum...) so yes I'm salty as hell.

At the official merchandise line, if you bought more than $100 of stuff, they'd give you a special merchandise voucher. If you took that voucher to the KCON Star Square, played the game they had every hour and won, you'd get a chance to meet a "surprise artist". There were some official fromis_9 slogan towels for sale for $25, but I decided not to buy it right then and there in case they wanted one big purchase totaling $100. But my dumbass was wrong and the slogan towels sold out 30 minutes later and to this day I still don't have one (they're beautiful). I was also too slow to pre-order it when I bought my convention pass because they closed the presale.

I did some social media sellout booths, wrote some fromis_9 support on the "message to your idols" board, and realized there was nothing to do after that.

I just stood at the Toyota booth where they'd play an entire song and anyone that knew the dance would go up and do it (note they played the ENTIRE song and not just the chorus so for songs that weren't super popular, the stage was empty for a solid two minutes each time). I was only there for maybe 20 minutes, but they played Love Bomb and to my surprise, 4 Walls (which I haven't heard in ages).

I walked around aimlessly for another hour before I realized I hadn't eaten anything for the whole day. I got some really overpriced convention food and sat with some girls I met in line because I was pretty lonely at that point. They were from Chicago and were also there just for ATEEZ. We talked for a bit before they went to line up at MSG for the concert, so I walked around aimlessly for another 45 minutes before I went to one of the panels.

The panel was "The difference between American and KPOP" and Andreas Oberg (wrote Young and Free by Xiumin and Mark, one of my favorite station tracks) and David Amber (wrote Love Bomb, Heart Shaker, Yes or Yes, and Love Bug) were there! The third guy on the panel was pretty annoying, but I'm super interested in how these guys come up with these songs and they shed a ton of insight about it. 

They talked about how most successful kpop songs now are actually a combination of multiple melodies put together, which supposedly make the song more interesting. For their particular styles, they try not to repeat the melody between choruses because that would bore the listener and try to have super catchy parts of the song or even the chorus start the track. Something else I found out which was super interesting is how they tailored certain songs for certain companies and groups. Andreas said SM gave him a ton of freedom, but when JYP asked for a song from David, he needed to make the verses long enough for each member to sing (aka Twice needs more lines since there are nine members) and add in rapping parts if the group had a rapper. They had a Q&A section at the end where two people kinda pissed me off since they went up to the mic and made shameless plugs saying how much they adored Andreas/David and were aspiring song writers like them. I actually summoned the courage myself and asked the panel a few questions:

Do you have a good sense of whether a song you wrote will become super popular?

How do you feel about songs that you are very proud of writing that don't become popular, maybe because it was given to a group that isn't that popular?

Do you think composers deserve more credit for making groups popular? The example I used is Blackpink is SUPER popular but their entire soud is almost exclusively produced by Teddy, which almost no one knows about.

I thought they gave me really insightful responses too:

A little bit, but once the song is produced, it's in the hands of the company to promote it with the artist and the choreography.

They're sometimes really sad about songs they create that don't make it big, and Andreas told me he was very fond of Young & Free

David said it's fine the way it is now. The example he used is with movies where the actors/actresses will get all the credit + make the movie famous, but a huge part of the production of the movie is because of the director, who rarely gets any attention.

I walked around aimlessly for another thirty minutes before standing at the KCON Dance Studio to watch the random play dance. I always saw the youtube videos of them so I wanted to see it in person myself. It turns out there was a cluster fuck of people there and we kept getting pushed back so far I couldn't see anything. Two guys in line next to me had Fun Factory albums and fromis_9 posters, so I decided to strike up a conversation with them. It turns out they were also huge flovers AND buddies, so we ditched the random play dance and talked for half an hour about our overall love for kpop. They were also New York locals, and they said they would take me under their wing for the rest of the weekend T_T. We met up with one of the guy's aunts and head to ktown since it was within walking distance, the convention closed at 6, and they wanted something to eat before the concert started at 8.

I took the 순두부 짬뽕 I ordered back to my hotel and ate it while watching the live stream since I only bought a Sunday ticket. On the way back, I also stopped by a store called Koryo Bookstore which sold kpop stuff. I couldn't find any GFriend/fromis_9 stuff I wanted, so I bought a Harry potter book in Korean to practice before going back. The concert livestream was okay, and it felt even shorter because IZ ONE got an extra stage, which I presume was supposed to fill in for Everglow. I lost my shit when NUEST performed Love Paint and Look though because those songs changed my life summer 2016 (they almost made me wish I went). I was still kinda disappointed in them because they had a ton of fans, but they gave off the vibe they only came to NY just to do the concert and leave. I tried sleeping early but as I crawled into bed, I got a fromis_9 vlive notification and I kinda had to watch it in case they spoiled the activities of tomorrow. I saw on twitter they actually arrived on SATURDAY and just toured New York, so obviously there was no way they could be at Saturday's convention. I spammed in chat if they'd have a pinky promise event for maybe 15 minutes but they never saw the comment. I didn't hear any spoilers so I just went to bed tired af since I got like no sleep in the past two days.

Sunday, July 7th

I woke up pretty late on Sunday and bought an expensive ass fancy bagel before getting to the convention center, though I could hardly eat it since I have literally zero appetite when I’m in a foreign place.

I bought the official fromis_9 jersey to match my two buddies just so everyone would know we were flovers at first sight. I also finally took out my Saerom sign and carried it around the convention center. We watched the Sunday opening ceremony and met up with a third guy (a Wiz One) while we waited for the fromis_9 fanclub meeting at 1:30.

I also found a lady willing to buy my SF9 audience pass for $15, which is ridiculous because I saw people giving it away for free at this point.

The fanclub meeting was really interesting. I instantly locked eyes with a girl that had a Saerom sign and we took a few pictures.

We played bingo with a lot of the squares consisting of fromis_9 memes, and two kahoot games where we had to guess which member it was (the pictures were ridiculous) and name the song after only hearing 1 second of it. At the very end, we did the Love Bomb and Fun! fanchants, but it was nearly impossible doing them without already knowing them if you could read romanized hanguel fast enough. I still screamed my heart out though (seriously).

There was nothing interesting left on the schedule, so we walked around before deciding to go to the (G)-IDLE fanclub meeting as well. I missed most of it because I met up with the girl that printed the banners, but there was a really entertaining random play dance at the end. On the way to get the banners, I met the girl that had the Saerom sign during the fromis_9 fan meeting, so we chatted a bit and exchanged numbers (she was here just for fromis_9 and she came from SWEDEN, so I thought we could bond over that). We closed out the day by going to the "2019 Year of Girl Groups" panel. 

The panel was really boring, one of the members kept swearing, and they just talked about which girl groups they thought were the most influential in the kpop scene. Personally, I thought the SNSD/f(x) answers were meaningful since Gee shook the world and f(x)'s weird sound + Amber broke down a lot of stereotypes at the time, but some of the Twice answers in the group were a huge stretch. Two fans kept talking about how much Twice meant to them and while that's great and all, I think the rest of the audience felt the same way as I did. At the end, they forgot to give away their prizes, so they basically asked us to walk up and convince the audience why we should get the prize. I walked up and told them I was disappointed I came all the way from California just to see fromis_9 but still didn’t get the chance to. That won me this:

It was like 5:30pm after the panel ended, so we (five of us total) went to ktown to get chicken and hype ourselves up for the concert. They were playing Chung Ha and so many other not as popular girl groups (Weki Meki, Gugudan, Cherry Bullet) that we ended up talking about that for the entire time.

We all split up after we got to Madison Square Garden (I had P1, the group of three had P2, one guy had P3) and had maybe five minutes before the concert started because we showed up so late. 

We were all super sad that they started with fromis_9 instead of one of the other boy groups, but I fanchanted and danced my heart out during all the songs.

The people in my section were huge mood killers though. I was sitting in the Chase preferred section, so I feel like the people in that section either a) had their parents use their credit card to buy their tickets or b) got the tickets handed out at some event and weren't even invested in kpop. The two girls to my life were there for seventeen and got on their feet at the end, but the two girls to the right of me sat down and were on their phones for the whole concert.

I got so lucky during the concert. VeriVery covered 24K magic, AB6IX covered Attention, and SF9 covered Love Shot, all songs which I know and love. And a word about Seventeen's stage. I was clearly at KCON for fromis_9, but I also LOVE Seventeen. I didn't pay much attention to their most recent comeback home though since it was a much slower song. However, EVERY SEVENTEEN SONG THEY PERFORMED I ACTUALLY KNEW. They started with 숨이차 which I knew but was indifferent to, but then we got Good To Me, Adore U, AND 아주 Nice. The stadium was freaking shaking during 아주 Nice and when they came back for the surprise encore I think the entire crowd and I died.

I met up with my friends after outside the venue, but three of them had to leave because they had work the next day (locals). I was ready to go back to my hotel content with the concert but disappointed overall, but Sweden girl texted me and told me to meet up with all the other flovers we were with. I met the moderators of the fan club meeting and like ten people that were huge fans and traveled as far as I did here for fromis_9. None of us were tired so we went to ktown to hang out. We talked for two hours over girl groups, fromis_9, guessing each other's biases, and learning our own backstories + age. Like where were these people during the actual convention. Apparently they all knew each other, but because I don't have a twitter, instagram, or am on discord, I was the reason I couldn't be found. I invited Sweden girl to do touristy crap with me on Monday/Tuesday because our flights on Tuesday were at like the same time, but one of the guys there tipped us off for the fromis_9 flash mob happening tomorrow at Washington Square Park at 2:30pm. I personally didn't give a shit about touristy stuff and I only felt obligated to do it because I was in New York, but I clearly only came this far for kpop. We decided to meet up for lunch at like 11am and we all went our separate ways.

Monday, July 8th

We all met up at Chipotle and sat around talking about more kpop stuff.

It was raining surprisingly hard in the morning, so we were all praying the event didn't get canceled. We walked over to Washington Square Park at 1pm and camped out there full of anxiety. I’ll type up what happened at the flash mob in a different post, but in summary, it was the best day of our lives. A ton of flovers had flights to catch, so Sweden girl and got milk tea and just held our hands crying over the event we saw. We rewatched the videos like 15 times (not kidding), took the subway to the Statue of Liberty, took the subway BACK to Washington Square Park because we missed some closure pictures, and then went to Central Park to take more pictures, all while lugging around my silly Saerom sign.

Our heads were in the clouds the entire day so we just sat on a rock and watched the sunset. She met up with a friend from Michigan while I got Halal guys and went back to my hotel room super emotional over the days events.

My dumbass put too much of the red sauce in it which was spicy as HELL so I couldn’t even eat much of it.

Tuesday, July 9th

I woke up late because I wanted to stretch out the best day of my life (yesterday) for as long as possible, and Sweden girl convinced me to go to the airport to say bye to fromis_9 before our flight. I was late as hell, but I booked my ass over to JFK and got to see (G)-IDLE and IZ ONE at the airport (I have videos, not pictures). At the end of the day, fromis_9 wasn't even leaving New York that day so apparently the twitter source was wrong. I wasn't too disappointed though given Monday's events, so I said my good-byes to my partner-in-crime from the weekend and booked my ass to Newark (I was almost late for my flight because New York rush hour, will never underestimate again).

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All in all, I give KCON a solid 3/10, but my overall trip was a 12.4/10 because of what happened at Washington Square Park. KCON has much better, ethical ways to suck the money dry out of the fans that are willing to pay. They announce the artist engagement schedule AFTER selling the packs, which baited so many Nuest and Seventeen fans. The layout of the convention was absolutely fucking awful too. They put the Toyota booth dance stage, the KCON stage, the cover stage, and the KCON dance stage fairly close to each other so the music was playing over each other, and the other half of the room had empty booths full of cosmetic products and studying in Korea which has an appeal to like 10% of the people there. They also checked our wristbands when moving between rooms in the convention center, which makes no sense since we needed our wristband to enter the Javits Convention Center period. And in general, there was nothing to do "long term" so so many people were walking around bored like me. The lines for the stuff that could actually be done were ridiculously long (maybe 25-30 minute waits for the free food but that's long enough to miss an entire panel/engagement). The cherry on the cake is they announced the KCON LA lineup today without any teasers (no consistency?) and almost every single artist that went to KCON NY is going to KCON LA. I personally trust KCON LA a bit more to not fuck up everything as bad as KCON NY, but it still feels pretty unethical considering how many of us flew ridiculous distances to NY just for the same line up.

I'm not the biggest fan of New York either. The city is super crowded, smells awful, and I don't feel safe on the streets at all (and I'm a guy). One redeeming quality is that the people that I met were unbelievably nice. I probably asked for directions eight times and every time, I got the most helpful/friendly response. An old white man even saw how I confused I looked an approached me asking exactly how he could help me get to where I wanted to go.

At least now, I think I have the confidence to plan my own solo trip to a faraway place. This was a fun one.

I hope we answered your promise Saerom!