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sorry-i-ship-drarry · 3 years

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37. You're my home, draco

" well that's not my problem harry, is it ? If you can't fucking do one thing on your own that's your damn fault " draco yelled from across the kitchen at harry who was standing in the middle of the living room looking agitated

" I do things on my own. It's that you are the one who keeps thing's in the house, not me and if you're not responsible enough for it just say it " harry yelled back.

Furiously draco stomped out of the kitchen " responsible? So this is your house when it's about the house lease and paper's and suddenly when it comes to keeping thing's, it's mine. When was the last time you were responsible enough to keep things in the right place on your own? If for once you could fold your own clothes or do your own laundry or maybe just not fucking throw things anywhere you want to, so I'd pick up then maybe, Maybe for once you wouldn't have to ask me where your shit is !! It's not just my own responsibilities " draco yelled at harry face talking off the apron off his waist

" you know what you are right, I'll do my damn shit on my own Because you're fucking irresponsible with whatever you do. After all why would you understand the load of work I have to do each day, going after the bad guys.. if even for one day you'd go things I do then you'd understand where I'm coming from But if this is the way it's going to be, you do your own shit and I'll do mine "harry sneered back

" work ? You're saying as if I don't do work? I teach at least 6 classes in a day, check almost 200 copies, sit with a bunch of teachers who are much more older than me, clean the mess of the potions students make, don't you dare compare our work! Just because your work requires more strength or power or maybe responsibility, doesn't mean I don't do shit "

" draco, you're a damn teacher. I am a goddamn auror. I put my life on line everyday so I can make money for us-"

" and you're not the only man making money in this house. I earn only 200 galleons less than you do and that's not even a huge deal so stop making it seem as if you're the man of the House or that you are doing a great deal for me because let me be honest, the only thing you do for me is creating problems and fighting, that's it " draco yelled and stormed out of the house before harry could've yelled back further.

Harry groaned loudly shutting off the house and storming away himself to get away from the horrors the place held. Both of them Only returned much later after midnight at the same time and went to bed immediately without saying even a single word. And the next morning, draco left the house much more earlier than he was supposed to, leaving a note that he'd be at Hogwarts for at least a week as per the requirements by the school board to finish off with the heavy work left pending. At first harry was Happy seeing the note, thinking to himself that the house would be Empty after so Long.

But he was wrong.

At night when he came back to a messed up home, no cooked meal, he felt slightly furious and almost called out to draco but realised quickly that he wasn't home. Not dropping much thought over it, cleaned up the place, freshened up and decided to order food instead of cooking. But 4 days in, harry found himself much more tired and in desperation to just see Draco. The thing was harry knew why draco was staying an entire week at school, he knew his husband very well, he would never leave any pending work but just the realisation that draco needed a break from harry and the house, he found it saddening on a lonely night.

" so what'd he say last before he left ?" Ron asked as they chatting up about their Harry's current problems with marriage over brunch away from work for sometime

" something about him earning not significantly less than me and how I'm irresponsible and creating problems. I'm just tired Ron, lately all we do is fight. You wouldn't believe, just last week we were fighting about changing a wallpaper and you'd expect that it got resolved but it didn't. We didn't talk and that was it. It just- I don't know- like the whole marriage thing really work out for us " harry replied sadly

Ron looked at harry understandingly.." I understand you harry but I don't think he's entirely wrong-"

" so you also think I'm irresponsible-"

" Merlin, don't get your knickers in twist. All I'm saying maybe he isn't wrong. You've fought with me quite often too lately but we're friends harry, but it's different with him, he's your husband. He needs you and you can't possibly deny that you've been nice to people lately. When was the last time you bought Hermione flowers or told her she looked not a today older than she is or the last time you called Ginny about her games or take neville, when did you even call him last to see how he's doing ? The thing is Harry you've been so work involved that you've barely acknowledged the people around you. Remember 2 months after you got married and you told me marrying draco was the best thing you did, what happened to that ?"

Harry's face drew upset, knowing that Ron was in fact right. He'd been so into himself that he had barely made time for the rest of them " I don't know Ron. I just feel like maybe it's all getting out of hands. Like my plates full maybe-"

" like you need a break?"

Harry nodded.

" look Hermione and me have known you the longest and she haven't seen you in so long but she knows somethings up. We know you harry, we understand how you get when you're stressed or angry even but this, this isn't who you are. After everything you've been through and go through each day we understand you but to me you'll always be the harry potter who broke his glasses like a million times in school yet refused to buy new one's because you liked them or the harry potter who hung me by my feet or the harry potter who'd die than leave his friends " ron gave harry the most perfect smile for the situation.

Harry sighed " what am I doing wrong Ron ?"

" you've forgotten who you are and a little maybe the people around you or you're probably letting something eat you alive.. whatever it is harry, do something about it or it'll be too late to fix things" and by that harry knew he meant draco.

Harry nodded at Ron, thinking about what he'd do next to remind his husband, that he is still his lover.

When it came to Saturday night, almost a night before draco would come back, harry firmly sat back on the couch looking at the empty spot besides him with his favourite television show running in the back, yet all he could think was about the memories with draco, the times he made him laugh and now harry didn't even remember in the last one year they've been married the last time harry made his husband laugh. Harry switched off the tv, sighing, getting up from the couch and going into the storage room. He cleared the dust, blowing some away, then turning on a little lamp around the corner. Following his instincts, harry went deeper into the pit of storage and found his things back from the school days. Falling into nostalgia, harry took his school thing's, a few things after that and album's he had gotten made and went back to living room and set everything on the ground.

Memories probably never leave you yet sometimes you need to be reminded of who you are to become who you want to be and that's exactly what harry was doing, figuring out when he became the person he is Today. He went through things after things he had from school, his defense against dark arts books, the model of something science related he made for muggle studies and the albums. Pictures after pictures with people he loved, he found himself drowning into it. It had been so long since the last time he contacted any of them and it saddened him. This isn't who he is, yet somehow this is exactly who he is. As sadness started to fill into his lungs, he finally opened the last box he had retrieve and opened it to find things related to draco. They started going out late in 8 th year and going through a lot of post-war things, Harry had maintained a diary in a muggle way to vent out but most of the end of the diary was filled with how draco looked so good under the moon or how draco was mindlessly biting the top of pencils or biting his lip during class or how his dates went.

Without glancing up harry said " don't leave me "

" how did you know I came ? " Draco asked as he stepped into the living room and sat down next to harry

" you're my soulmate draco, I can sense whenever you're around me "

" you can ?" Draco frowned, not believing harry could still do it.

" just because I've became this huge asshole doesn't mean I've stopped loving you draco "

" it doesn't hurt to remind every once in a while "

Harry looked up finally to see an upset draco sitting next to him with a sad smile " I do tell you I love you "

" when was the last time you said that to me?" Draco asked smiling lightly

Harry frowned lightly, confused but immediately realised he hadn't spoken the words out in almost 5 months " fuck- I'm sorry- shit"

" yeah " draco signed looking down at the things harry was going through " what's all this ?"

" this- school stuff. And this is a box specifically about you " harry pushed the box a little box towards draco

" I own an entire separate box ?" Draco chuckled

" you own an entire different separate place in my life too and I think me becoming an asshole forgot that " harry replied sadly. Draco looked at harry sympathetically before pulling him forward towards him and wrapping his arms around Harry's torso..

" that's all I wanted to hear " draco's voice broke. Harry leaned in further, his head pressed against draco's chest, small tears escaping his eyes and wetting draco's shirt.

" I'm sorry. I never meant to be this problematic and with the whole fighting things. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you but I just, I'm such an asshole" harry rambled

" you're not an asshole harry. Hey look at me- you are a brilliant man who sometimes needs a break. I haven't been less of an ass to you myself but everyone have a rough patch in marriage and we will get past this too. We're special harry, remember. We're Always special " draco smiled holding Harry's face in his hands

" I don't want to be this person. I just want to be yours and I don't want to fight you, I don't want to yell at you or you to yell at me and i don't want you ever leaving me alone.. I can't- I don't want to be without you draco, I don't know how to be. I've been so selfish that forgot to tell you how much I love you for 5 months, I don't ever want that again. I want to tell you everyday how much I love you. I don't want all these fights, I hate it without you. It doesn't feel like home without you draco, you're my home and with you gone, nothing makes sense, not even me " harry sobbed.

Draco eyes welled up with tears " I don't want all this too harry. I want to be entirely yours and yours forever. I Always Want you to be my home. Fuck I love you- I've missed you so much "

" I missed you too. I love you draco, I love you so so so much, I love you "

" I know you do " draco smiled. He softly kissed the top of Harry's head, then his cheeks, his eyes, his forehead and finally his lips.

" don't ever leave me, ever "

" never " Draco sobbed, their foreheads touching each other, taking in deep breaths with tears running down their faces like a small river.

It was sometime later when they started going through Harry's thing's together with harry cuddled into draco.

" what's this ?" Draco asked as he picked out a small dry petal

" oh, this was from the restaurant I proposed in "

" and this ?"

" this is- I think the handkerchief you left the night we first kissed "

" oh, nice, what this ?"

" I think that's the note I wrote to you to ask you out for first date but never sent it "

" real smooth harry " draco chuckled. Harry rolled his eyes, playfully hitting draco over his chest before picking up and showing him thing's again.

" you still have that paper boat from our first date ?" Draco asked softly gazing at harry

" well- I still think it's the most perfect boat ever made " harry smiled at draco before pressing a small kiss over his lip.

It was harry who Always imagined that, that perfect little boat was the reasons for everything they have right now, but draco never needed to know that, after all he was his special man and he made him the happiest man in the whole world even if sometimes the boat drowned a bit..

Requests open

Day 36- angel | Day 38- set it up, break it up

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letthefrogsbe · 3 years

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remember when I was gonna write that parkner fic?

cool so I've decided I'm gonna, but because I cannot write for SHIT and I hate my writing every time I see it, ill just share my outline of what I have so far. its not coherent. sorry.

Section one: aunt may dies. It’ll be like “it's been 3 months. 3 months since May was shot. 2 months and 3 weeks since she died.”

Something like that idc. Basically this section will base around peter living tony, because he’s not doing well, and he is only 17- which is not actually old enough to be on your own after something like this. Setting is established, with cameos from dr strange (who tony is dating and lives with (yeah bite me, this is my fanfiction i can make it what i want.) it will be made obvious that this takes place after endgame, which also means that tony is Not going to die. I’m not that mean lmao. The avengers are like largely together, there was not as much death in this as there was in endgame. Whatever. Everyone is very nice to peter because they know that for him its either this or him becoming a ward of the state so like.

Section two: harley gets kicked out. His mom finds out that he’s gay (from gossip sources idk) and kicks harley out. Im not going to write them having a big fight like in the moment, but harley will recount what happened somewhat to tony in this section, and then more to peter later in the story. Gay ppl trauma dump, we know this. Okay anywaysss so harley calls tony literally sobbing and like freezing fucking cold. IM SORRY IM BEING SO MEAN TO THEM I PROMISE THEY'LL GET A HAPPY ENDING. Okay. harley explains how his mom kicked him out. Tony asks why, harley says something like “she didn’t agree with my lifestyle choices” like bitterly. Tony is a good person in this (i know, im really taking some character liberties) and he’s in the mood for collecting strays apparently, so he has happy send over the quinjet. He can’t make it himself bc hes in fucking japan or something for the next few weeks,, but. Yeah! Tony also calls peter, who is presumably in bed and feeling depressed. “Hey pete. How ya feeling? Any better?’ ‘Not really, tony. Sorry.’ ‘you don’t have to be sorry-’ ‘damn tony you sound like my therapist.’ “sorry pete, but i do have something to tell you- you know harley?’ ‘only from what you’ve told me about him, but yea. He was the tennessee garage kid, right?’ ‘i mean. Yes. so- he’s gonna come stay with me for a while too- it might not be permanent but it will probably be a bit. He’s about your age, and he just has no where to go (just like u). He’s not going to stay in your room or anything, but with bruce and thor here, he will be in your apartment area.’ ‘okay tony.. Will i have to talk to him a bunch?’ ‘not if you don’t want to- i already warned him about you, so it should be okay. I wouldn’t worry so much pete- you guys are so similar in a lot of ways that i wanted to introduce you two long before he called me.’ ‘okay tony, i trust you. Thank you again for letting me stay with you :)’ (yeah that kind of got away from me)

Section 3: build up. this is a shorter section. Harley and peter are gonna meet in section 4. This section is harley’s jet ride (with an intuitive happy) and harley’s nerves about how he really isn’t worth this (i mean hes pretty intimidated tony sent a private jet just for him) and happy like reassures him. Hes still insecure though. Peter is also nervous bc what if harley doesn’t like him? What if he doesn’t like harley?? Tony did say they would get along, but peter hasn’t really been himself recently, so who knows? Yeah lots of that. I do want to emphasize though- peter is not completely unhealthily coping. Like he has a therapist and he has been reaching out to ned and mj, but its still an open wound for him. Obviously. He still has a sense of humor though, but its to cover these deep insecurities. Like the first month or so that he was with tony, he was reallllyyyy trying to not get close to him bc he sort of thinks he kills everyone around him. Like logically he knows this isn’t true, but he does really think the that non superheroes that he surrounds himself with are very at risk if they know about his spider-man-ness. The only people who know now are ned and mj (may knew too).

Section 4: the meeting of harley and peter. Keep in mind peter has been living in this apartment/area of stark tower for about 3 months now. He actually moved in while may was in the hospital because he couldn’t stand to be alone in the apartment when he knew why may wasn’t there. And um. Yeah. so peter is like comfortable in this space, basically. Also- the reason theyre in the same apartment is because stark tower was not really created with the idea of housing broken orphans in mind, so it only has a certain amount of residential space. Thor and bruce are currently staying there together (although no one really knows if theyre together, or if theyre just best bros who went through some extreme trauma together and are now inseparable. Hmmm wonder if thats gonna come up later) and theyre using one apartment, and happy lives there with his own apartment, and tony and stephen are currently sharing the penthouse, even though thats not public knowledge. Really only the people close to tony know that he’s dating stephen. So. this leaves just the one other 2 bedroom apartment for peter and harley. It has one bathroom, and the bedrooms are connected by a door but theyre pretty big so like. Theres a kitchen, a living room with a fancy ass tv, and a really pretty view (with a balcony bc <333). May died in march, peter got leave from the school in april, and it is now the middle of june btw. Tony is now peter’s official guardian (he was before may died anyways) and now has sole guardianship over him which he has fully accepted, even though peter and him both know that there are going to be times where he has to go out of town bc he does own a company after all. Times like right now. Harley is pretty nervous that tony isn’t going to be there to greet him and that he is going to have to like introduce himself to peter and everything. Cmon, theres no reason to feel like that, he’s the one intruding after all, he should at least be able to handle himself. (<--- harley’s thoughts). Yeah so theyre insecure super cool. A n y w a y s so peter was stressing about harley as he arrived, and so when harley walked in they were both complete bundles of nerves. Harley walks up but knocks. Peter actually jumps (bc spidey sense okay whatever) and goes to get the door. Oh my god these awkward teenagers i hate them so much (i love them). Peter kinda looks like shit, sorry king. He was a little bit crying earlier, then tony called and he switched into stressed out ball-of-anxiety mode. Distractions are good, its okay. Peter opens the door for harley and they like introduce each other all awkward (again sorry) and peter shows harley where he is staying. Harley doesnt really have muchhhh bc he was kicked out and all. He just has a suitcase full of clothes, his favorite blanket, his favorite stuffed animal (yeah whatever bc ofc he does) and his phone/charger. He sets all his stuff down at once. He thanks peter for letting him stay in his apartment and also said sorry. First thing peter noticed was harley’s accent. Stfu. peter asks why harley’s here- ok. Harleys had a long ass day. Too fucking long. He- he breaks down. He tells peter a lot. About how his mom found out that he was gay, and how she told him never to come back. Yikes. Anyways, this is establishing the beginning of their relationship as friends. Peter is there for him even though he doesn’t know him at all. Peter sees some of himself in harley in this moment, even though he’s not talking about himself yet. Eventually harley does ask about peter, and they really just get to know each other really quick. They have these deep scarring individual traumas, and neither has nearly recovered, but they find comfort in just knowing that theyre not alone in their suffering. At least for now. At least in this moment.

Section 5: the next day. Peter and harley spent that whole night talking about what they were going through. Peter said good night at around 5 am (there were no adults around they can do what they want to) and they both got good sleeps. In peter’s case, one of the first solid nights he’s had in a while. Harley was kept up a little longer after peter left, however, because he just couldn’t shut off his mind. It was really cathartic for him to just lay everything out there and for someone to just accept him. Peter told him he was bi, but he was.. Lucky. He had accepting people in his life. May was accepting. God, harley couldn’t fathom having lost everyone in his life, everyone he ever cared about, and still having the heart to sit and talk with the dumbass anxious gay kid who can’t go home anymore. His problems felt so small compared to peter’s, and all he could do was admire peter’s resilience and how he was seemingly able to bounce back from anything. God, peter was something. He couldn’t wait to get to know him more. With that thought circling in his head, he finally went to sleep at oh shit 6:30 am. Peter woke up around 1. Harley at 2. When harley woke up, peter was watching tv and eating cereal on the couch and he just sat down next to him. No words, just sleepy children being sleepy. They stayed like this for like an hour when someone knocked on their door. Enter stephen strange!!!!!!!!!!! Get excited people. Hes just coming in to check on them bc tony told him to, and he didn’t get the chance last night bc he was _busy_. K so now he’s here and hes awkward and he just wants to make sure these boys r okay bc theyve both been through too much recently, and it would be just the cherry on top if they didn’t get along. Him and harley had never actually met before so he like introduced himself and all that. Offered like if they needed anything he was there, and its only gonna be a few days until tony gets back (did i say a week earlier? Im retconning that bc i cannot find it in my writing so it is now retconned). Peter and harley just have to sort of explain to dr strange that theyre getting along gREAT and there is no need for concern….. And peter was even thinking about showing harley around the city a bit that night (something he had not yet told harley, but wanted to make it seem like he was doing well and not acting too depressed in front of Dr. Strange) so dr strange is like yeah !!!!!! do that, that sounds super fun petey !!!!!! and so now they have evening plans

ok ps I wrote this like 2 weeks ago and completely forgot I posted something on Tumblr about this fic idea, and so this is literally just how I talk to myself. was not gonna ever post this but then I decided to because I'm bored. there are more sections but I'm not gonna post them rn because this post is really fucking long already!!!!

#hope this is marketable??#sort of just wanted to share my 4 am writing tbh #it doesn't make sense just go w it #parkner #peter parker #harley keener

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lokilickedme · 3 years

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Submitted by @fudgemuffinanon

Ok I think I’m up to date….

1. HOLY SHIT WOMAN! You had Covid and just learned about it? How did you find out? Was it with a test? And you handled the asshat at the grocery store way better than I would have. I’m not patient, nor diplomatic, and I have major RBF syndrome… The temper goes with the face more ofter than I care to admit…

2. Your grandmother’s story was incredible. I know you don’t need another project but this could be a beautiful book. No fandom incorporated, just her story.

3. As @mollage said, the Universe is after you! But you may be one of the strongest woman I know, going through all your adventures with that attitude. Thank you Elizabeth for passing down your fiery spirit!

4. With everything that happened to you in the last few weeks, I can’t expect you to write anything. I’ll just wait and take what you give us. Fuck, I just have to deal with Baby Girl’s online school - Big Boy is responsible enough to deal with his class mostly alone - and I have to tell her to go back to the computer every 5 minutes and I’m going NUTS! And we have one more month to go…

Ontario has been in stay-at-home order since April 8th, and non-essential stores MAY reopen mid-June at 15% capacity and outdoor activities in small groups MAY resume IF we have 60% of population vaccinated with their first dose. We’re about 58% now according to Health Minister but they stopped giving Aztra as first dose, so all the pharmacies that could give it now can’t. There’s a lot less Pfizer and Moderna doses available so I don’t know how fast it will happen. But it means I will most likely get my second dose quicker than August. Yay me! Second phase won’t happen until we get 70% 1st dose vaccination. So we’re stuck for a while. We’re going out in the woods for walks once in a while so we don’t get too close to people but I want to go to a fabric store sooooo bad!! I’m done picking ticks off hubby everytime we get out. And I’m running out of crafts to learn on youtube.

Ok, enough ranting… gotta go finish knitting Baby girl’s bday gift. A 6" turtle. With clothes. And a shawl. And boots. Yeah… Love ya!

*******************************************************

Fudgey!!

Yup. All four of us had covid back in November of 2019, before it broke wide and before anyone really knew it was in the US. Husband was able to track it back to a coworker who’d returned from a family visit to China (he works with a large community of Asian Americans who travel back and forth a lot). The coworker came home sick, and shortly after that our household got the worst “flu” any of us have ever had (that was what we thought it was, a weirdly violent flu that hit each of us differently). I’ve never been sicker in my life, my husband thought I was going to die and he claims I told him to just let me go if it looked like I wasn’t going to make it. I’m pretty sure I meant it…it was that bad. I may have actually requested an assist to the other side at one point.

So anyway, a little while later it broke wide and when the symptom lists started coming out we started wondering if that wasn’t what we’d had. Husband finally a few weeks ago went and talked to the guy that had come back sick from overseas and the guy said “Oh yeah, I had the covid, did you get it too?”

By that time there had been approximately 150 known cases at husband’s workplace and six confirmed deaths from it. Grrrr.

At this point it was too late for us to get confirmed, but husband contacted a friend in Colorado who is a covid specialty ER nurse and described our symptoms and the timeframe of our illness to her. She said we absolutely had it - she’d had it too during that same timeframe, before it broke wide and before anyone knew what it was.

So now all my lingering weird-ass symptoms make sense. Big and Little are fine, they don’t seem to have any long-term problems, though I’m keeping an eye on them (especially Big). Husband is fine as well. Me? I took it in the seat of the pants, but like I was telling someone the other day, as soon as one of the longhaul clinics sets up here I’m gonna be there.

The putz in the grocery store was nothing unusual for here. What really gets me is the way people glare at us for continuing to wear masks - it’s almost scary. WTF is wrong with people.

Glad you liked my grandma’s story. Honestly I don’t know enough to write a book about her without having to speculate on a lot of in-between stuff because she was a very secretive person (probably for a good reason tbh) but what a tale it would be. She was a mess :D My mother has always been mad at me for taking after her - she never liked my grandmother much, there was some bad blood between them from decades back, and yeah that’s kind of a good story too lol

Ah, speaking of writing, I’m going to toss out a short chap of that silly self indulgent side-thing for The Department tonight (probably as soon as I send this reply off) and then I’m shooting for a chapter of the actual fic tomorrow at some point. Taking advantage of the husbandary absence (yes I know that’s not a word but it works)

I feel ya on the homeschooling - the boys finished their semester two weeks ago and the stress of that final week for Big (9th grade) was insane.

I wish we were under a stay-at-home order, but where I live hardly anyone obeyed it when we WERE. I love living here but I swear sometimes the people make me want to move off-planet just to find a higher intelligence demographic.

Anyway, I gotta see this turtle when you’re finished with it. You mentioned it so now you gotta show it. I’m going to bug you every day until you provide pictures because even though I can crochet a blanket like nobody’s business I cannot crochet a doll to save my own ass. Gonna have to rely on you for that ;P

@fudgemuffinanon

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historyofshipping · 4 years

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My massive Bellarke is epic and here’s proof from s5-7 rant.

Ok guys I cannot stress enough that I am drunk, this is long, it has strong language, and it’s a trip. I am putting it almost all under a cut because it is 20 f*ing pages on word.

For reference: this was on a discord chat and I am removing all names and a few other things but there will be absolutely no editing. Anything in straight text is me, anything in italics is someone else (there’s several different someone elses so people are separated by line breaks). On my page I think it appears as everything grey is someone else, everything black is me. I’m going to put the beginning on here and rest under the cut. If you’re still going through with this, I suggest some popcorn.

Guys... I'm trying to stay optimistic but I'm really worried that jroth is gonna make bellarke canon in a really disappointing way. Like for me infidelity is a huge no in ships and I hate that becho has gone on so long that there doesn't seem to be a lot of room left in the canon timeline for a becho breakup/end that doesn't ruin the start of Bellarke for me

WAIT I GOT YOU I CAN CALM YOU I THINK BUT FIRST I NEED TO EAT MY BREADSTICKS

Every moment Echo is on the screen I want to claw my eyes out because she's so boring please jroth let it fucking end, but the feminist in me doesn't want her to die or be disrespected just because she's a callous asshole who doesn't deserve him yknow

Eat your breadsticks babe I've been living with my dread for 2 seasons I can hang on a little longer I just wish the entire becho relationship had never happened it's a blight and it's gone on so long adenfkidsngksdgnksdgn

Kate will say it better than I will, but don't lose hope! Becho hasn't really been together on screen for very long. It's only been like a few weeks to a month since the beginning of S5. They've stretched it out over two seasons, but in canon not much time has passed. And most of that time had Bellamy either sacrificing almost 300 lives to save Clarke, poisoning his sister to save Clarke, or fucking off into the wilderness with Josephine to save Clarke. They've just straight up not had enough time for Bellamy to be like, "Hey Echo, I know I said things wouldn't change but that was before my wife was actually alive, so bye." Though to wishing Becho had just never happened. We got one good angst scene with Clarke seeing them kiss. But otherwise, I could have very much done without their whole relationship.

they gave me 2 dozen breadsticks. i ordered 6

You've been blessed by the breadstick goddess.

oh sorry i was misinformed. i only have 22. apparently one bag only had 4 OK SO BELLARKE BITCHES AM I GOING TO ANNOYINGLY DO THIS IN CAPS SO BUCKLE TF UP

I mean, I love the idea that they only got together in the sixth year on the ring when Bellamy totally lost hope but is that canon? I thought we had a 3 year range

ALL RIGHT

We ignore canon in this channel. lol They've been together for 3 months.

SO LET'S START AT THE BEGINNING OF BECHO ok caps off. i even annoyed myself

I'm so here for this.

https://tenor.com/view/murder-she-wrote-angela-lansbury-jessica-eats-popcorn-interested-gif-4594942

Damn, I was ready for caps.

OK WE'RE BACK TO CAPS

https://giphy.com/gifs/popcorn-go-on-keep-going-Zd1BUb0qs6nwjeMUBu

OK SO WE HAVE BECHO'S FIRST SCENE TOGETHER ANYONE REMEMBER WHAT BELLAMY SAID? ANYONE? THIS REQUIRES AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION

"Hey work with me so I can break everyone out of this mountain"? or something?

OH DAMN I MEANT WHEN THEY WERE CANONICALLY TOGETHER XP

"I'm a goddamn delight who's trying to save your life you ungrateful walnut so maybe don't spit in my face" is what I would have written

LMFAO OJN THE RING WHAT'S THE FIRST THING WE HEAR FROM THEM? THE FIRST IMPORTANT THING? ANYONE?

Unfortunately that scene was physically repulsive for me so I don't remember much except for "nothing will change on the ground and my sister totally didn't mean to murder you"

AHA! THERE YA GO NOTHING WILL CHANGE ON TEH GROUND BECAUSE WHAT IS HE EXPECTING ON THE GROUND? NOTHING TO CHANGE BECAUSE THE ONLY THING THAT COULD CHANGE IS -----

>"I'm a goddamn delight who's trying to save your life you ungrateful walnut so maybe don't spit in my face" is what I would have written I SPIT OUT MY DRINK I CANNOT

ANYONE? YUP

I'm behind. lol

CLARKE

AND THEN WE GOT TO THE GROUND, WHAT HAPPENED?

BEING ALIVE

His sister having more taste in his romantic partners than him?

WHAT WAS THE LITERAL ONE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN THAT WOULD CHANGE BELLAMY'S MIND DING DING DING CLARKE IS ALIVE

10 points to

AND WHAT DOES OUR BABY BOY DO?

SACRIFICE 300 PEEPS FOR HIS WIFE

Clarke with a gun AND a kid AND a rover AND bedtime storytelling practice like what more could he want that's all the things he loves

A LITTLE AHEAD BUT BANG

BABY BOY FOLLOWS CLARKS DAUGHTER FIRST, LEAVING ECHO IN THE LITERAL DUST (that's what he does before sacrificing lives)

WE WENT FROM "I WILL NOT TOUCH THESE PEOPLE BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO DO BETTER." TO "I WILL SLAUGHTER 283 PEOPLE WITHOUT RAISING AN EYEBROW" BECAUSE RANDOM CHILD SHOWS UP AND SAYS "CLARKE'S IN TROUBLE" RANDOM CHILD WHO HAS JUST KILLED A BUNCH OF HARDENED CRIMINALS

He had the dad mug tho, he had to help her

HE SAW HIMSELF IN HER HE KNEW

HIS SOUL KNEW

SO WE'RE THERE NOW BUT THEN BANG, WE'RE ON THE GROUND AND OH FUCK I FORGOT I HAD A GIRLFRIEND BUT BELLAMY IS LOYAL SO HE SURE AF ISN'T DOING ANYTHING UNTIL HE'S DONE WITH ECHO BUT

He's had 2 seasons!!!!!

CLARKE BASICALLY ACTS LIKE SHE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE SEPARATION THOU SHALT NOT POKE HOLES IN MY SHIT UNTIL I AM DONE

>He's had 2 seasons!!!!! But only like a few weeks in time.

BECAUSE THESE TWO FUCK HEADS CANNOT HAVE A CONVERSATION

Forgive me!

SO WE HAVE A GRAND TOTAL OF FEWER THAN 3 WEEKS THAT THEY'RE ON THE GROUND AND THEN IN THAT TIME WE HAD.... one sec pPLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO REVIEW THE TIMELINE https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/620425806742749184/season-5-7x03-so-far-timeline FOR SEASON 5 ALL RIGHT SO WE HAVE THEM TOGETHER FOR LESS THAN A WEEK BEFORE BELLAMY'S LIKE (FROM CLARKE'S PERSPECTIVE) "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR KID, I HAVE TO SAVE MY FAMILY" SO THEN WE HAVE THEM SPEND THE NEXT 10 DAYS APART BECAUSE SHE LEFT HIM AFTER SLAPPING HIM AND SHE THOUGHT HE DIED BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING MORONS WHO CAN'T HAVE A CONVERSATION (YOU WILL NOTICE A RECURRING THEME) AND THEN, ECHO HAS LEARNED THAT NOT ONLY HAS CLARKE CARED ABOUT BELLAMY ALL THIS TIME BUT THAT SHE'S ONCE AGAIN READY TO PUT THE FATE OF HUAMNITIY ON THE LINE TO SAVE HIM "GO SAVE HIM. EVEN TAKE MURDER!DAUGHTER WITH YOU" BUT BELLAMY STILL DOESN'T KNOW THIS SO ANYWAY WE HAVE ANGST!BELLAMY GET PARENT TRAPPED BY MURDER!DAUGHTER are y'all still with me? AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED IMMEDIATELY AFTER MURDER!DAUGHTER'S INTERVENTION?

BELLARKE FORGIVENESS ™

YAS NOT ONLY THAT BUT SOFT!BELLARKE RETURNS WITH A VENGEANCE [side note: you can pry this theory from my cold dead hands but there was 100% a canon bellarke scene between forgiveness and 125 year wake up just in case they ended at season 5.]

[I need them to publish that scene when this is all over]

ALL RIGHT SO FUCKING MARPER - WHO SPENT A TOTAL OF LIKE 4 MONTHS WITH CLARKE BUT 6 YEARS WITH THEIR FAMILY- DECIDED TO WAKE UP BELLARKE TO TALK TO AND GIVE GUARDIANSHIP TO AND WHY DID THEY DO THAT?

THEY BEEN KNEW

I'LL ACCEPT IT

OK SO WE GET THIS PROMISING FUTURE TOGETHER ON THIS NEW PLANET RIGHT?

WRONG MURDER POLLEN

OK BUT TECHNICALLY BECHO IS STILL TOGETHER. NO PROBLEM - WE NEED TO FIGURE OUR SHIT OUT AND THEN WE'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO HAVE PEACE AND GET TOGETHER OK SO I'M JUST GOING TO START SAYING "CHORUS" WHEN I MEAN "BECAUSE THESE TWO DUMBASSES CAN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER" IS CHORUS THE RIGHT WORD? OR IS IT REFRAIN? WHATEVER ONE REPEATS - THAT ONE ALL RIGHT SO WE HAVE THEM GOING INTO THE VILLAGE AND EVERY TIME THERE IS DANGER, BELLAMY GOES IMMEDIATELY TO CLARKE WHEN IT'S PEACEFUL, OPE IT'S BACK TO ECHO

(like the husband he is)

I HAVE A WHOLE META ABOUT THAT IF YOU WANT IT BUT SO THEN THE FIRST TIME - LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE MARPER VIDEO - THAT THEY'RE ALONE, IT'S BECAUSE BELLAMY HAS SOUGHT HER OUT AND WHY DID BELLAMY SEEK HER OUT? Y'ALL I'M ONLY AT 6X01. I HAVE SO MUCH AMMUNITION BUT SOMEONE IS WELCOME TO SCREEN SHOT THIS SO THAT THE NEXT TIEM WE HAVE DOUBTS, I DON'T HAVE TO TYPE IT ALL OUT SO WHY DID BELLAMY SEEK HER OUT?

>Y'ALL I'M ONLY AT 6X01. I HAVE SO MUCH AMMUNITION @kate (historyofbellarke) "Give a position show me where the ammunition is" from My Shot just popped into my head lololol

WHY DID BELLAMY LEAVE HIS CANONICAL GIRLFRIEND TO GO SEEK OUT CLARKE?

BECAUSE HE LOVES HER AND ALSO BECAUSE THERE WAS DANGER

OK BUT WHY SPECIFICALLY NOOO WHEN CLARKE WAS IN THE SCHOOL

AND THE LAST TIME SHE WASN'T IN HIS SIGHT SHE ALMOST DIED

OK THAT TOO

Okay I'm lost at this point then.

LOL

Phone a friend.

Bc she sucks and Clarke's the best?

I'LL LET ---- CHIME IN LMFAO I LOVE YOU GUYS KNOW IT'S TO TELL HER THAT HE KNOWS ABOUT THE CALLS

OH THAT SCENE

HE KNOWS THAT SHE CALLED HIM EVERY DAY FOR 2,199 DAYS HE SOUGHT HER OUT, BY HERSELF, TO TELL HER THIS

YES YES

BUT BECAUSE CHORUS

WE'RE BACK THESE FUCK HEADS CAN'T HAVE A CONVERSATION

SHE GOT NERVOUS AND DUCKED OUT BECAUSE IT'S BEEN LESS THAN 3 WEEKS SINCE HE CAME BACK AND SHE'S OVERWHELMED BECAUSE HOLY FUCK WHAT A 3 WEEK PERIOD THAT WAS (REFER BACK TO TIMELINE AS NEEDED) ALL RIGHTY SO THEN AFTER THAT THEY FIND OUT ABOUT THE RED SUN WHICH BY THE WAY IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS BECAUSE HE CALLS OVER ECHO JUST TO PROMPTLY IGNORE HER COMPLETELY [AND BECAUSE IT'S ME, I HAVE A GIFSET FOR THAT] SORRY I GOT DISTRACTED

NO WE'RE HERE FOR THE GIFSET

I'M LOOKING OK IT'S PART OF THIS SO YOU GET A 2 FOR 1 https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/184827185143/bellarke-danger-vs-becho-safety OK NOW I FORGOT WERE I LEFT OFF OH YEAH IGNORING ECHO ALL RIGHT SO THEN WE HAVE EVERYTHING GO TO SHIT AND OF COURSE, BELLARKE LOCK THEMSELVES TOGETHER AND WE HAVE THE ANGST THE ANGST BUT THEY HAVE EACH OTHER'S KEYS

WHICH IS A MARRIED MOVE IF I EVER HEARD ONE

BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE KEY TO MY HEART, WHEREVER YOU ARE, I'LL KEEP YOU

That's a very comprehensive gifset

IF YOU DON'T KNOW THAT SONG THEN I FEEL OLD SO YOU HAVE THEM UNLOCKING EACH OTHER BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY ARE

I might drift in and out of conversation, partner wants attention but I wanna finish reading this asdfgh

AND HE'S LIKE "NAH ECHO, WIFEY AND I GOT THIS. WE GOTTA TAKE CARE OF OUR KIDS." TELL THEM TO WAIT THEIR TURN SO THEY'RE GOING LITERALLY PSYCHOTIC BUT THAT'S COOL. I TRUST THE OTHER ONE ENOUGH TO NOT KILL ME BUT OH WAIT - WHAT IS BELLAMY'S PSYCHOSIS ?

Not needing Clarke anymore...?

YUP WHICH MEAN S

He needed her and knew it at some point

YUP ALSO I FOUND THAT GIFSET THAT I IDD TO THAT SONG https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/184725894498/this-song-popped-into-my-head-and-i-had-to OK SO SKIPPING AHEAD, HIS BIGGEST SECRET IS THAT HE DOES STILL NEED HER OK EVEN I'M STARTED TO GET BORED SO I'LL GIVE BULLET POINTS FROM HERE ON OUT SO WE HAVE HIM NEEDING HER HIM CALLING HER THE LEADER EVEN THOUGH SHE HASN'T BEEN FOR LIKE 6 YEARS AND WE HAVE HIM PINING OVER HER AT THE DANCE FLOOR AND PICKING A FIGHT WITH ECHO OH YEAH AND WE SEE ALL THE BECHO CRACKS HERE

This has been a v good rundown, I won't lie.

LOL

ONWARD I'M BACK ON TRACK

WE HAVE JUXTAPOSED: ECHO NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY WITH REGARDS TO OBUT CLARKE KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT TO SAY EVEN AFTER 6 YEARS

BECAUSE WIFEY

https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/618426948212965376/historyofbellarke-4-times-someone-knew-the-right

Really you'd think the spy would know what someone wants to hear smh

NAH BECAUSE SHE HAS NO EMOTIONAL EMPATHY. WE'LL GET TO THAT EVENTUALLY

She's also kinda a shit spy. Like when has she ever done actual spying.

Y'ALL I HAVE A GIF FOR EVERYTHING. I'M THE LIZ WARREN OF BELLARKE GIFS GIFSETS AT LEAST

You don't need empathy to fake it, Madison's right she's just such a bad spy :joy:

I'VE GOT NOTHING ON ---- FOR JUST GIFS LOLi

I say this as someone who was 10/10 a spy in a past life at least according to my recurring dreams about it1

OK SO THEN WE ALSO HAVE BELLAMY SIDING WITH CLARKE AT EVERY TURN, OVER ECHO'S EXPLICIT OBJECTIONS AND WE HAVE HER NOTICINGGGGGG WE'RE HERE FOR THIS CONTENT

https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/185265380768/6x04-bec-scene-follow-up-with-6x05 JUST ONE EXAMPLE

HATE TO SEE IT

SO WE HAVE BELLAMY CLEARLY SHOWING THAT HE'S HER LEADER - WHETHER HE MEANS TO BE OR NOT - WHICH COMES IN IN 7X01

Total aside but now I want a modern au where Bellamy doesn't know how to break up with Echo so he tries to ghost her while everyone around him is pulling their hair out

OH SHIT ONE SECOND I HAVE TO DO DUOLINGO SO I DON'T LOSE MY STREAK BRB

>Total aside but now I want a modern au where Bellamy doesn't know how to break up with Echo so he tries to ghost her while everyone around him is pulling their hair out ---- I love this, actually. WE SHALL HOLD YOUR SPOT

No one in this goddamn canon knows how to have an actual breakup conversation they only know how to die

CORRECT CHORUS

BECAUSE THESE TWO DUMBASSES CAN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER

Ironically Raven and Finn are the only ones who have had a half-normal breakup.

Will be back, partner is dramatically exclaiming that I don't love him anymore bc I won't go give him a goddamn hug bc the meta's too good

BOOM OK I'M BACK

SIDE NOTE BEFORE WE'RE BACK

GO ON

What language are you learning on Duolingo?

relearning spanish and then german german for work, spanish because i used to be fluent and i'm so bad now xp

This entire convo is a chaotic mess

We are a chaotic mess.

WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH, ----

Our ship is a chaotic mess.

It all tracks, honestly.

WE WOULD'VE ALL BEEN SO MUCH BETTER OFF IF JASPER HAD DESTROYED THE CHIP OOK SO MOVING ON NOW I FORGOT WHERE I LEFT OFF OH YEAH LEADER PERF SO OH YEAH I FORGOT TO ADD - 6 & 7 ARE ONE SINGULAR SEASON SO

This convo should totally be convered into a Masterclass session at the end. YES

WE'VE GOT A RUNNING THREAD OF ECHO BEING A FOLLOWER OF BELLAMY AND HER KNOWING IT

6/7 ARE ONE SEASON WE'RE HERE WE'RE LIVING

BUT BACK TO S6 SO WE HAVE BELLAMY BEING THE FIRST TO REALIZE THAT CLARKE WANS'T CLARKE AND WE HAVE THIS BEAUTIFUL MOMENT

I’m here and all of this is glorious

OH YEAH THERE'S ALSO THIS BUT I DIGRESS https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/618548726524510208/historyofbellarke-5x09-6x04-6x05 THE FIRST ONE HERE - https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/616075629201408000/just-some-clips-ofabout-bellamy-where-either HE'S WILLING TO RISK EVERYTHING EBCAUSE CLARKE MIGHT BE AT RISK EVEN THOUGH THEY LITERALLY HAVE NO WHERE ELSE TO GO OH YEAH FUCKING MURPHY - I'LL GET BACK TO HIM ALL RIGHT SO THEN WE HAVE BELLAMY FIGURING IT OUT AND THE HORROR BLOOMING IN HIS SOUL AND THEN WE HAVE HIM LITERALLY WITH A ROOM DESTROYED EVERN THOUGH HE IS CHAINED UP LIKE SERIOUSLY HOW DID HE MANAGE THAT AND THEN TRY TO KILL RUSSELL THE SECOND HE COULD BECAUSE HE HURT CLARKE EVEN THOUGH, AGAIN, THAT'S THE ONLY WAY HE AND HIS PEOPLE COULD SURIVVE BUT WITHOUT CLARKE, HE'S NOT ALIVE. HE ONLY SURVIVES AND HOW DO WE KNOW THIS? BECAUSE HE FUCKING SAYS IT (implicitly)

I just came into this. I have nothing to add I just want to say I’m living for it

:heart:

Agreed, this conversation is giving meaning to my insomnia :joy:

https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/618973621000585216/just-a-reminder-that-bellamy-canonically-only

WHOLE F*ING THING ON SURVIVING VS LIVING AND THEN ONCE HE DECIDES THEY'RE GOING TO LIVE (AND LET RUSSELL LIVE) BECAUSE IT'S WHAT CLARKE WOULD'VE WANTED, HE SAYS "WE SURVIVE" LOOKING LIKE THE SADDEST FUCKING PUPPY IN EXISTENCE AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FACT THAT WE HAD A WHOLE DAMN EPISODE OF A 13 EPISODE SEASON DEVOTED TO BELLAMY SUFFERING BECAUSE HIS WIFE DIED AGAIN 3 WEEKS AFTER SHE WAS RESURRECTED SUBTLE, JASON. SUBTLE. OK NOW BACK TO MY BELOVED COCKROACH MURPHY AND BELLAMY ARE ARGUABLY THE TWO CLOSEST NON-ROMANTIC (:upside_down:) PEOPLE ON THE SHIP THE RING RIGHT? OK WE'RE GOING WITH IT ANYWAY

Hmmm yes(I agreee) but also Clarke and Murphy have that understanding that transcends words?

THEY ARE THE CLOSEST ROMANCE WITHSTANDING ON THE SHIP

AND MURPHY, MY BELOVED MURPHY, HAS BEEN THERE FROM "I'LL CHOP HER HAND OFF" TO "OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK CLARKE IS UNCONSCIOUS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO" TO "YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE HERE SAVING SOMEONE THEY CARE ABOUT"

BECAUSE BELLAMY DOES NOT EVEN KNOW ECHO'S ACTUAL NAME AND THEREFORE THEY ARE NOT CLOSE

LOL SO MURPHY AFTER 6 YEARS IS TRYING TO GET BELLAMY TO DO SOMETHING HE WANTS (WE'RE BACK IN SEASON 5 NOW, SORRY) AND HOW DOES HE DO THAT?

AND INVOLKES MOM'S NAME

BLESSED BE "WELL IF CLARKE WAS HERE" BELLAMY ESPLODES OK SO NOW WE HAVE MURPHY AGAIN WHO KNOWSSSS AND WHAT DOES HE SAY TO JOSIE? ABOUT BELLAMY

If Clarke is dead Bellamy will kill us all HE KNOWS

BAM ALSO, REFER BACK TO PREVIOUS GIFSET, SAME MURPHY "OH YEAH I'LL TRY TO HELP ECHO TOO" BECAUSE MURPHY KNOWSSSS OOK THAT'S ALL FOR MURPHY NOW SO WE HAVE BELLAMY "WE'RE GOING TO SURVIVE BECAUSE I CAN'T LIVE WITHJOUT CLARKE BUT I'M GOING TO ONCE AGAIN HONOR HER FUCKING MEMORY" UNTILLLLLL WHAT HAPPENS

lol @ Murphy having to remind Bell his gf exists hahahah UNTIL HIS SOUL REALIZES CLARKE IS ALIVE

BUT HOW DOES HE REALIZE THAT

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME HE KNEW IT WAS MORSE CODE BECAUSE OF EARTH SKILLS NO

HE KNEW IT WAS MORSE CODE BECAUSE HIS SOUL FUCKING KNEW HIS WIFE WAS ALIVE

Yesss

PLATONIC SOULMATE MY ASS JASON

Morse code is life

[okay rant over, continue Kate]

MILLER'S FACE WAS LIKE "YOU FUCKING WHAT MAN?"

(side note- i am getting alive in morse code on my wrist when covid clears) OK SO WE'RE BACK SO WE HAVE JOSIE TAPPING HER FINGERS

Oh I love that I have friend who has that tattoo

YES TAP TAP MILLER GOING WTF BELL GOING ALL GIDDY PUPPY WITH A BONE

WHICH MEANS BELLAMY HAD TO HAVE GONE BACK TO HIS FAMILY AND SAY "OK WE'RE GOING TO RESCUE MY DEAD WIFE. SHE'S ALIVE. IKNOW BECAUSE JOSIE WAS TAPPING HER FINGERS." AND THE FAMILY HAD TO GO "YEAH OK THAT MAKES SENSE."

AND NO ONE QUESTIONED IT BECAUSE THEY BEEN KNEW

Yessss

SO WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO? LIKE IT WAS EVEN A QUESTION. THEY'RE RESCUING CLARKE AND BY THEY'RE I MEAN HE BECAUSE HE DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THEM AT THE MOMENT SO HE'S LIKE "READY OR NOT, I'M RESCUING MY WIFE. BYEEEEE" AND JORDAN'S LIKE "WHAT ABOUT PRIYA?" AND EVERYONE'S LIKE ".... SORRY BRO. CLARKE. YOU WANTED HEART BELLAMY. YOU GOT HIM." SO HE GOES, LEAVING HIS FAMILY BEHIND WITH A BUNCH OF PSYCHOPATHIC MURDERERS WHO KNOW THAT BELLAMY IS GOING TO KILL THEIR DAUGHTER BUT HE'S JUST LIKE... BYE AND HE KNOWS, AND WE KNOW THAT HE KNOWS, BECAUSE JOSIE TAUNTS HIM ABOUT IT THE WHOLE TIME BECAUSE JOSIE IS THE AUDIENCE BASICALLY

JOSIE IS US BUT SLIGHTLY MORE PSYCHOTIC

ALL RIGHT SO SKIPPING AHEAD, SKIPPING AHEAD, YOU HAVE JOSIE'S WHOLE RUN DOWN OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP

TOGETHER

AND HIS VERY LONG PAUSE FOLLOWED BY "I WON'T LET YOU DIE"

EXHAUSTING

INSTEAD OF I FUCKING LOVE YOU BECAUSE CHORUS SO WE GET CLARKE BACK THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF BELLAMY'S WILL

>AND HIS VERY LONG PAUSE FOLLOWED BY "I WON'T LET YOU DIE" @kate (historyofbellarke) "I LOVE YOU, BITCH. I AIN'T EVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU, BITCH."

"I'LL SHAVE THE BEARD" SO WE HAVE CLARKE WHO GAVE UP LIVING BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT BELLAMY GAVE UP (REMEMBER, JOSIE SHOWING HER THE MEMORY OF BELLAMY SAYING WE'LL TAKE THE DEAL) AND THEN CLARKE COMING BACK TO LIFE BECAUSE BELLAMY WOULDN'T GIVE UP AND THEN WE HAVE OCTAVIA, MY BROTHER POISONED ME FOR HIS WIFE AND I STILL RAISED MY NIECE ON STORIES OF EPIC BELLARKE, BLAKE IN THE BACKGROUND BEING ALL OF US

>SO WE HAVE CLARKE WHO GAVE UP LIVING BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT BELLAMY GAVE UP (REMEMBER, JOSIE SHOWING HER THE MEMORY OF BELLAMY SAYING WE'LL TAKE THE DEAL) @kate (historyofbellarke) OMG I HAVE A SPEC ABOUT THIS I HAVE A SPEC ABOUT THIS BUT IMMA WAIT TIL WE'RE DONE TO POP INTO SPEC TO TALK IT OUT OKAY CONTINUE

i'm going to keep going, but have i done a pretty good job of convincing anyone who was wavering? because remember this is all canon. i have done absolutely no spec-ing at all.

I'm very hype rn. Ngl.

lol

Could flip a tire for Bellarke rn kind of hype

OK SO NOW CLARKE IS ALIVE BUT OH FUCK, THE REST OF THE FAMILY IS IN TROUBLE WE LITERALLY HAD MURPHY, MY BLESSED MURPHY, SHOW UP TO GO "YO. YOUR GIRLFRIEND." AND BELLAMY GO https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/591463308117278720/716493560610029708/tumblr_pv4mkld49N1xsmktho1_500.gif SO OF COURSE, IT'S NOT TIME TO TALK BECAUSE CHORUS

DUMBASSES NO TALKIE

SO WE GET EVERYONE FIXED. A BUNCH OF UNNECESSARY PLOT SHIT HAPPENS. AND THEN BELLAMY LITERALLY PUSHES HIS GIRLFRIEND OUT OF THE WAY TO GO AND DO A DRAMATIC SUNSET REUNION WITH HIS WIFE AND THEN PLOT SHIT PLOT SHIT PLOT SHIT WE'RE IN S7 AM I MISSING S6 STUFF? PROBABLY BUT Y'ALL IT'S LITERALLY BEEN 4 WEEKS IN CANON AT THIS POINT AND I MISSED A LOT OF SHIT. SO Y'KNOW. OUR BABIES ARE TIRED N AND NOW WE'RE ALL GOOD RIGHT? JUST GONNA GO HAVE A QUICK MEETING WITH GABRIEL AND THEN GO BACK TO MY WIFE SO WE CAN TALK OVER SOME TEA THEN BAM, O GETS STABBED AND THEN WE HAVE . 4 EPISODES THAT HAPPEN OVER 2 DAYS BEFORE CLARKE'S LIKE "WELP. I'M THROWING MYSELF HEAD FIRST INTO A WORM HOLE TO GO GET MY HUSBAND AND HIS STUPID GIRLFRIEND." AND YOU HAVE EVERYONE ELSE GOING "I'M SORRY, DID YOU THINK ANYTHING ELSE WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?" AND FOLLOWING AND THE S6/7 WRITERS MOSTLY JUST CHOSE TO IGNORE THAT S4/5 WRITERS GAVE CLARKE A DAUGHTER BECAUSE, WELL, I DON'T BLAME THEM EVEN THOUGH I LOVE MADI SHE'S AN UNNECESSARY COMPLICATION SO HAND WAVING SHE'S FINE SO NOW WE'RE UP TO PRESENT

Fully convinced Madi was there to ensure Clarke didn't go fully insane on Earth and provide motive for that bitch slap scene from S5.

brb spilled beer

Oh, and to parent trip Bell/Clarke.

>brb spilled beer @kate (historyofbellarke) makes sense after the tea you're spilling on this channel

Someone really oughta document this convo for a later date. lol We will need to reference it before end of the season, bet. lol

blesss i do not deserve my partner he told me to go sit down and is cleaning it also i went to finish the last of the unspilled stuff and promptly spilled it down my chest so ALL RIGHT WHERE WERE WE OH YEAH AND BELLAMY FORGAVE HER BECAUSE MADI WAS LIKE "YO YOU'RE A PARENT TOO AND REMMEBER SHE STOOD BY YOU WHEN YOU PUT OCTAVIA ABOVE LITERALLY EVERYTHING" AND BELLAMY WAS LIKE "OH... SHIT." AND THEN SHE WAS LIKE "SHE CALLE DYOU EVERY DAY YOU DUMBFUCK" AND YOU HAVE THE PATENTED "OMG, DOES CLARKE HAVE FEELINGS FO RME TOO???" JAW DROP BUT NOW BACK TO PRESENT

(Now if someone will just fucking tell her that he did the equivalent grant gestureTM of the radio calls except w/ poison)

i didn't even include the fact that he fucking poisoned O, that diyoza referred to her as his girlfriend, etc etc etc OH AND AS TO WHY HBECHO ISN'T GOING TO BE A HTING ANYMORE BESIDES EVERYTHING I'VE SAID

FINN COLLINS THAT'S WHY

BASUCALLY YES

FINN COLLINS EXCEPT AT LEAST CLARKE KNEW HIS REAL NAME

THEY DID A LITERAL EXACT PARALLEL BETWEEN BELLAMY AND ECHO SPFEIHOi4ur YES LIKE IT'S LIKE THE WRITERS FOUND BESTOFBECHO AND WENT "FUCK, ARE WE NOT BEING OBVIOUS ENOUGH? TIME TO CALL IN ZACH MCGOWAN" ( THEY FUCKING GOT ZACH ON A PLANE FROM LA TO VANCOUVER TO JUST SAY "YOU DON'T LOVE HIM" LIKE I DON'T THINK PEOPLE REALIZE HOW INVOLVED OF A PROCESS IT IS TO GET AN ACTOR THERE - ESPECIALLY IN CANADA WHERE YOU HAVE TO BALANCE NON-CANADIAN WITH CANADIAN ACTORS OR YOU CAN'T SHOOT IN CANADA SO THIS AMERICAN HAD TO BE TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT FOR THE WHOLE SEASON FOR A 2 MINUTE APPERANCE BUT THE WRITERS WERE LIKE "YO HUGE NEON SIGN RIGHT HERE" AND THEN SHE CONTINUED ALL SEASON IN THAT VEIN UNTIL 7X05 WHEN SHE BROKEEEEE OVER HIS "DEATH"

BECAUSE HER SOUL DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS ALIVE LIKE BELL DID CLARKE

AND DID THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING BELLAMY DID WHEN HE FOUND OUT CLARKE WAS ALIVE

And also as mentioned, she's a shit spy.

BECAUSE THE WRITERS ARE LIKE "CAN WE MAKE IT MORE OBVIOUS? I'M NOT SURE HOW!" so now we're at present day and here's a bit of crack spec-ing

THANKS FOR THIS LONG ASS META !!

YOU ARE WELCOME once again if i put that amount of effort into my dissertation, i'd be a phd with a published book or 3

This was a joy to read An utter joy This reaffirmed all my beliefs and got rid of all doubts I had

https://tenor.com/view/about-to-ugly-cry-ugly-cry-emotional-sensitive-crying-gif-8033343 i aim to please so now we have that O/B scene so we as the audience know something is off. bellamy was dragged sobbing and unconscious by his captors to suddenly being awake, fine, and killing a bunch of trained soldiers and holding someone hostage with his left hand. so then you have O, noticing something isn't quite right, casually bringing up clarke's name clarke. fucking. griffin. who bellamy had JUST brought back from the dead after learning she was alive and he's just... calm? about O possibly doing something with these psychos that's related to clarke? HE JUST POISONED HIS SISTER LIKE A WEEK AGO TO SAVE CLARKE'S LIFE i cannot stress this enough. bellamy fucking blake would not just go "huh?" when O, his sister that he's barely tolerating, goes "i'll tell you, you psychotic cultists, everything about my sister-in-law" and that's it. that's where i'm at s6 was about bellamy literally pulling clarke back from death s7 will be about clarke literally crossing time and space to get back to bellamy THIS IS AN EPIC FUCKING LOVE STORY AND ANYONE WHO THINKS OTHERWISE IS WRONG AND NOW I'M GOING TO TAKEA . SHOWER BECAUSE I SPILLED BEER ON MYSELF BUT I WILL BE BACK also i didn't think iw as drunk but then i reread that and started crying so it's definitely shower time

#bellarke #bellarke meta #the 100 #anti bech #anti ech #blarke wine club #long post

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hoboal87 · 4 years

Text

Elastic Heart Chapter Seven

Title: Elastic Heart - The Fight

Characters: Y/N Y/L/N, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, OFCs

Pairing(s): Sam x Reader

Summary: Y/N and Sam continue to see each other despite John's warning.

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: Cursing, angst, implied smut, pregnancy, talk of abortion, John Winchester is a bad parent, parents are assholes.

Notes: Series will be mostly canon compliant, taking place during season 8/9. Also, for purposes of this fic Sam was born in '84 instead of '83.

AN 2: This was oringally part of chapter 6, but I (along with my beta) decided it would be best to have it as a stand-alone.

Beta'd by @deanwinchesterswitch

Please give a comment or reblog and let me know what you think!

Elastic Heart Masterlist

Read Chapter Six

Chapter Seven: The Fight

May 2003

Y/N POV

When Sam shows me his acceptance letter, I burst into tears. A mixture of happiness and sadness consume me. I know it’s his dream, it’s his chance to get away from his dad, but a part of me selfishly wants him to stay longer. I get my acceptance into the university thirty minutes away the next day, mom and dad insisting it’s the right one for me. I still plan on taking the following year off, but I have yet to inform them of my plan.

The day before graduation, I’m on the floor of the bathroom for the fourth morning in a row, emptying the contents of my stomach. I chalk it up to nerves, Sam leaving in less than a week, finals and graduation. I feel a cold towel on the back of my neck, and turn my head to see mom behind me, trying her best to soothe me as I fight the urge to vomit again.

“Honey,” she says, rubbing my back, “maybe we should take you to the doctor?”

“Mom,” I offer weakly, knowing all the color has drained from my face. “I’m fine. I think it’s just a stomach bug. I don’t even have a fever.”

“Either way, you’re staying home today, I’m gonna call the school.”

“Mom,” I try to protest, dry heaving over the toilet. “It’s the last day, no one’s gonna believe that I’m sick.”

“It doesn’t matter, Y/N. It’s only a half-day, your teachers will understand. The ceremony is tomorrow, and you need to keep up your strength, your father and I would hate it if you couldn’t go.”

I try to stop her, but she’s already out the door, and I can hear the muffled sounds of her calling the school. I gather myself and head back to my bedroom. I crawl into my bed, pulling the covers over my head and sleep for hours. I wake up late in the afternoon, feeling slightly better. My eyes focus on the framed photo on my bedside table; a present Sam had given me weeks earlier on what he called our six-month anniversary. I smile, thinking about how he sheepishly explained that it had been six-months since we had met. It was from one of our first dates, nearly ruined when I got my period. It suddenly dawns on me. Shit.

I hop out of bed, making my way to the desk where my day planner sits. I frantically open it to the beginning of the month, looking for the subtle stars that I would have put on the pages, nothing. I go back another month scanning the pages desperately, assignments, and the occasional date with Sam being the only thing written on them.

“Has it been since March?” I whisper to myself as I count the weeks. “You cannot be this girl, Y/N. Ten Weeks.” I cover my face with my hands, thinking back. Spring Break. “Shit.”

“Y/N? Everything okay?” Mom calls from outside my room, perhaps I’m not being as quiet as I thought. “You feeling any better?”

“Yeah, mom, I just…” I open the door to come face to face with her; concern etched on her face. “I think I’m gonna go for a walk, get some fresh air.”

“Would you like me to go with you?”

“No, I won't be gone long,” I say, grabbing my wallet as discreetly as I can, heading downstairs and out the front door. I make my way to the drug store, praying that I’m wrong, we’d been so careful. The chime of a bell pulls me out of my head as I enter the store. I feel a sense of relief as I look around, noticing that the store’s empty besides the pharmacist behind the counter. He’s new to Weldon, and I rejoice knowing he won’t recognize me, smiling at me as I walk past him.

I stand in front of the row of tests, I hear the chime again, bringing my attention to the door, and I begin to panic as I recognize one of my classmates. I grab a test and make my way to the counter, quickly paying. I rush home, run into my bathroom, and tear the box open, carefully reading the instructions. I slip back into my room, quietly shutting the door behind me, and sit on my bed watching as my clock slowly passes the time. I take a deep breath as I compare the stick to the box. Positive. Crap, crap, crap. I throw the box and instructions away, keeping the test, willing it with all my might to change. If anything, the pink plus becomes more dominant, taunting me.

I stare at the test in my hands, unsure of what my next move should be. How am I gonna tell Sam? What about Stanford? I’m unable to stop the tears from flowing.

“Honey, are you sure you’re okay?” I hear mom’s voice on the other side of the door. “Maybe you shouldn’t go out, you should-” she opens the door just enough to walk in. She stops in front of me, and I can hear the concern laced in her voice. “What’s wrong?” I know I look a mess, face blotched, and eyes puffy. I grip the test tighter in my hands and shake my head. “Y/N, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“You’ll hate me,” I whisper, not looking up. “I can’t-”

“Y/N, I could never hate you.” She closes the door behind her. “You’re my daughter, and I love you.”

I open my hands slowly, revealing the test to her. It takes her a moment as she takes a step closer, taking it out of my hands.

“Oh, Y/N,” she whispers, handing it back to me. "How— how did this happen?"

"I'm sorry.” I choke out through sobs, “We didn’t mean to. I— I—”

“Shh..” she sits down next to me and wraps her arms around me, placing a kiss on my head; I’m prepared for yelling, not this. She holds me against her as sobs leave me uncontrollably. “Sam?”

"I thought we were careful. It-It was an accident."

"What was an accident?" Dad says as he walks by my room, "Sarah, Y/N?” He looks between us. I open my mouth to speak, but all that comes out is another sob. His eyebrows furrow at the sight in front of him. “What's going on? What's wrong?"

"Rob, you should sit," I feel the bed dip for a moment as mom steps away from me, and guides dad to a chair in the corner of my room. She gestures to me to move towards the end of my bed, so we’re both facing him. "I want you to stay calm, okay?" He nods reluctantly. "Don't jump to any conclusions, Y/N is going to need you," Dad’s jaw clenches and his breathing becomes heavier as he prepares himself for what mom is about to tell him. “Y/N is..” mom’s own voice is shaky, she takes a deep breath, “pregnant."

All the worry and confusion on dad’s face immediately fades away. His face grows red, his brow furrows, and his breathing becomes rapid. He stands up quickly, pacing the floor of my bedroom. He’s silent as I continue to cry, my shame and embarrassment consuming me.

“Sam,” he rasps, unable to look at me. “He- he took advantage of you.” I can see a vein throbbing in his neck,

“Rob. Y/N’s old enough-”

“That boy is over 18, Y/N is a minor… I should go down to the sheriff’s office right now and—"

“Daddy, no!” I cry, trying to reason with him, “Sam, he didn’t- he didn't do anything to me. It’s not his fault.”

“Like hell, it isn’t!” He continues pacing in front of me, mom grabs at his shoulder, trying to get him to sit back down. “He’s clearly been conditioning you ever since the attack. He made sure that you thought he was your savior so that you would do anything for him."

"Rob, calm down, this isn't good for Y/N, what’s done is done, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Y/N and Sam, they’ll have to deal with the consequences."

"No, Sarah. We told her that boy was bad news. Now Y/N's in trouble." He turns to face me. "You aren’t having that baby,” he says sternly.

"Dad,” I barely muster, “you can’t. Please.”

“Rob, let’s talk about this.” Mom tries to argue, “maybe we should-”

“You’re not having it.” He points at me, “and you’re not going to see that boy again." Dad leaves my room; mom quickly follows him.

For the rest of the night, I hear muffled arguing. I fall asleep, still clutching the test in my hands. When I wake up in the morning, dad doesn’t speak or even look at me. As I sit down at the table, he immediately leaves, and I want to break down. Mom offers a sad smile, eyes puffy, and red. She runs her hand down my back, leaning forward to press a kiss to my forehead. “We’ll get through this, Y/N.”

When we arrive at the school the next day, I search the hallways for Sam. I find him standing outside the auditorium watching as parents file in. 'You can do this, Y/N.' I'm about to touch his shoulder when he turns around, widely smiling when he sees me standing behind him. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug.

"Missed you yesterday," he says, placing a kiss on my cheek. "Your mom said you were sick." My whole body stiffens, and I take a shuddering breath. He pulls away from me slightly, noticing my blotchy face, and the tears I'm trying to fight. "Y/N/N, what's wrong?" I shake my head and look down at the floor, not ready to say the words. “You're scaring me. It can't be that bad, talk to me, baby."

"It is that bad," I whisper, bringing my eyes up to meet his face. “I- I thought it was stress, or a bug or something. Then I realized, it’s been weeks.”

“Y/N/N.” His eyes search my face, trying to make sense of what I’m telling him. “Weeks since what? What are you trying to say?”

A shattered exhale leaves me, “I’m pregnant.”

All the color drains his face, "No, you can’t be,” he shakes his head. “We always use protection."

“Spring Break?” I mutter, choking back the lump in my throat, using all my might to not break down in front of him.

“That was over two months ago.” Sam paces in front of me, stopping when he catches sight of me. “You’re sure?”

I chew on my bottom lip, nodding my head.

"Why didn't you say something sooner?" he asks, running his hands through his hair, apparent concern lacing his voice. “I would have been there with you.”

"’M sorry,” my voice cracks, “I didn’t know. This is my fault. I should’ve-”

"No, Y/N/N, this is not on you. It takes two, and I should’ve—we both should have been more careful," he says, pulling me back into a hug, holding me as I sob into his chest. We stay like that for a few minutes; I can hear him sniffling and feel his hands leave me for a moment to wipe his eyes. He lets me calm down before speaking again. "What do you want to do?"

"Dad wants me to get rid of it," I say against him.

"Your dad doesn’t get to make that decision,” he says firmly. “What do you want, Y/N/N?"

"I don’t know.” I was still processing everything. I haven’t even thought about what I’m going to do. Neither mom nor dad asked me what I wanted. All I can think about are our futures, how badly we both want to get away from our families. Now, it doesn’t seem like a possibility. I can’t get rid of the baby; it’s Sam and me.”I want to have it," I pull away, my eyes fixated on the ground, “but if you don’t—"

He stops me, softly cupping my face and guiding it up until our eyes meet and then smiles warmly. “Y/N/N, I love you so much, and this,” he splays a hand gently over my stomach, "is our baby. If you want to keep it, Y/N/N, I'm here."

"What about Stanford?" I ask softly, it is his dream, and as much as I don’t want him gone, I don’t want him to feel forced into staying.”You’ve worked so hard.”

“Come with me,” he says, taking my hands in his. “You, me, and the baby. We’ll go to California; it’ll be the fresh start we’ve both always wanted.” A glimmer of hope wells up inside me, and I smile. “Away from our parents, everyone who knows us, we can do whatever we want.”

“Don’t say something you don’t mean.”

“I mean it, more than anything. I love you, no matter what. I think we can do this, together, I’ll figure everything else out. Take a few days, I still have to tell my dad about Stanford, and I’ll tell him about the baby too.” I can’t believe what he’s saying. “I’m leaving on Monday, and I want you to come with me.”

“You don’t have to do this, Sam,” I look back down at the ground, “this can be your out.” John’s words from months ago replay in my head. “I’m just some girl from a town you were working a case. I was never gonna leave this place. You can tell me the truth. If you don’t ever want to see me again, I’ll understand. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to trap you.”

“I love you. And I’m gonna love our baby so much. Monday, at 7 a.m., I’ll be waiting for you.”

Sam POV

Sunday comes quicker than I expect it to. Dad wants to leave the night of graduation, just like he threatened, but I convince him to wait out the weekend. He and Dean had been working back-to-back hunts for the last month, and though neither of them will ever admit it, they’re exhausted. I already quit my job at the grocery store and I use the little money I have saved to buy a ring from the pawn shop—a simple gold band with a small square-cut diamond. One day I’ll get Y/N/N the ring she deserves. With Dean in town, I know I can easily get into the bars and earn some extra cash for the trip. Dean’s always been the better player, but I need to get as much as I can, for Y/N/N and the baby.

I should have proposed the moment she told me about the baby, but it would have seemed forced. I don’t want her to think that the only reason I want to marry her is that she is pregnant. I want her with me; I want her to be my family.

There is only one hitch in my plan; Y/N/N’s parents. At seventeen, we would still need her parents’ consent to be married. Not only will I need their permission, but I also need their blessing. ‘They’re very old-fashioned.’ Y/N’s voice rings in my ear. They never quite warmed up to me, only tolerating my presence when necessary. That will have to change now; I’m the father of their grandchild, I’m going to marry their daughter.

Dean and dad are out, so I pull out a button-down from the back of my closet. I haven’t worn it since Valentine’s Day, but it’s the nicest piece of clothing that I own. I lift my pillow, inspecting the ring once more before putting it in my pocket. I pull up to Y/N/N’s house and notice a dim light coming from her window. I take a brief moment, calming myself before walking up to her front door. I knock and pace in front of the door, reminding myself to breathe. I hear grunts on the other side before the door swings open.

“You’ve got some nerve showing up here, Sam,” Y/N/N’s father appears in front of me.

“Sir, I want to talk to you about Y/N/N,” I say, trying to keep myself calm as I see the growing anger on his face.

“You took advantage of Y/N, and now she’s in trouble.”

“I didn’t-” I take another deep breath. He can’t possibly believe that; I have to make him understand. “I love Y/N/N, and I take full responsibility for what happened. Y/N/N and I-"

“There is no you and Y/N,” he snaps. “You stay away from my daughter."

"I’m sorry, Mr. Y/L/N, but I can’t do that. Y/N/N's carrying my baby, and I want to be with her, forever." I scramble for the ring in my pocket. I open the box to show it to him. “I want to do the right thing, sir, I want to marry her.”

"That’s not going to happen, Sam," he says, dismissing the ring and stepping out from the doorway and onto the porch. "You ruined Y/N's life, and she wants nothing more to do with you. She’s spent the last three days broken up over everything, Everything she’s worked so hard for, it’s all gone down the drain, thanks to your foolish behavior. She’s asked her mother to make her an appointment at the women’s clinic, and then this will all be over. You can go back to your own life, and Y/N can go back to the plan we made. There will be no baby.”

“No,” I whisper, “She said… she can’t.” She said she wanted to keep it, what changed? “Please, Mr. Y/L/N, let me talk to her.”

"She can, and she’s going to. You will not be talking to her anytime soon. Don’t you think I know what you’ve been up to? The only reason her mother and I allowed you two to date was because Y/N begged us. She told us you were a good person, and I’ll admit you had me fooled. I know you've been conditioning her ever since the attack, making her reliant on you. You’re lucky I haven’t gotten the sheriff to arrest you, stay away from our family.”

"Sir, please. I- I have never done anything to hurt your daughter. Please, can I have five minutes with her?" I’m desperate. I need to talk to her. I need her to know that I’m here.

“No. Y/N has already made her decision, and we will not allow you to talk her out of it. She doesn’t want to see you again.”

“Please, leave our family alone,” Y/N’s mother says, appearing behind her husband. “Haven’t you done enough damage? We all want what’s best for Y/N; as soon as all this is over, we’re moving. This is too much for her.”

“Please, I love your daughter. I want to marry her, that’s why I’m here.” I show the ring to her mother. “To ask for your blessing and your permission, she and I can do this. Please, just let me see her,” I beg them. “Please.”

“She’s resting.” Her father sighs, taking the ring from his wife’s hands and handing it back to me. “Sam, this was a difficult decision for Y/N, and she didn’t come to it lightly. You should go.”

I leave the house, defeated. I know she wouldn’t have made that decision without me. If it’s what she wants, really wants, then I can understand, but I still want her with me, baby or no baby. I have to hope that she’ll show up tomorrow morning. She has to.

Pulling back into the motel parking lot, I spot dad’s truck, but the Impala is nowhere to be found. A part of me is happy that Dean isn’t here; there’s no way I can tell both dad and Dean about Stanford and the baby. It’s going to be hard enough to tell dad about Stanford, but having to also tell him about Y/N/N, and admitting he was right about us, that scares the crap out of me. He had made it clear that he thought she was too young, and that we were getting too serious, too fast.

The ring box sits in the center of the bench; I can’t bring it back inside, not until I talk to dad. I take a couple of deep breaths, calming myself before exiting the car. Maybe once he learns I got a full-ride, he’ll understand, it’s only four years. I pull my key out, slowly unlocking the door as I prepare myself for whatever may happen next.

“Hey, Sam,” Dad’s walking between the dresser and the spare bed, packing his duffle bag, whistling as he takes in my appearance. “A little dressed up for hustling, don’t you think?” He laughs as my cheeks burn. “How’d it go? Make any money? Swindle some college kid out of his trust fund? Or maybe you got some old bat to leave you her fortune, set us up for life?”

I laugh uneasily, setting my keys and phone down, dreading what I’m about to tell him. I rarely see him in a mood like this, I huff, struggling to find my words.

“C’mon, Sam, you know I’m just fuckin’ with you.” He zips the bag up and sets it on the floor. “You say good-bye to Y/N yet? Don’t drag it out; it'll only make things worse.”

“I—”

“It’s for the best Sam. Maybe in a few years, after we finish the job, you can come back and see her again. She’ll probably be married, have a gaggle of kids running around.” My heart stops beating at the mention of kids. I know what he’s doing; he wants me to be ready for her to move on, he still thinks I’m going with him and Dean. “She’ll probably just get her M.R.S. degree while at college.”

“Dad,” I stop him. “I- I have to tell you something. Why don’t you sit?”

“Oh-kay.” He’s confused but complies, sitting on the edge of the bed, “What’s going on, Sam?”

I pace in front of him. ‘Stanford first. Then Y/N and the baby.’ I know he isn’t going to like anything I’m about to tell him. I look down at the dark green carpet of the room, never having paid attention to it before. I look back to dad, concern, and impatience etched on his face. I’m leaving in the morning; I can’t have them both in the dark, tell him.

“IwasacceptedintoStanford,” I blurt out. He furrows his brow, and I realize he didn’t understand me. I take a deep breath, preparing myself to say it again, this time more deliberately. “I was accepted into Stanford, full-ride,” I say clearly, “and I’m going. There’s early admission, and I have to be there in a few weeks.”

“S-Stanford?” He says in disbelief, a small smile forms before he shakes it off, hardening his face. “Sam, we talked about this. There’s no reason for you to go to college. Your brother and me, we need you.”

“It’s what I want, dad,” I say calmly. “Y/N/N and I-”

“Y/N,” he sighs, “of course it’s about her,” he groans, burying his face in his hands. He is silent, and I can see his shoulders tense and nostrils flare before he’s off the bed, pacing in front of me. "Y/N is a minor, Sam. You can't just up and take her with you to California. You do know what happens when you take a minor across state lines without their parent’s permission, don’t you? It’s called kidnapping. And I’m sure her parents would have no issue pressing charges against you. We've all tolerated your little romance,” he huffs, “but it's time to move on." I knew what that tone meant, no room for argument. "She's a nice girl and all, but she isn't cut out for the life we lead, you know that. You belong with your brother and me, and she belongs here."

“She's coming with me,” I state, trying to keep my voice steady. I wanted to ease into this subject, but I can see from just this moment that there’s no easy way to do this. "Her and the baby.”

He looks like I just hit him with a ton of bricks.

“Jesus Fucking Christ, Sam! She’s pregnant?” Dad roars, “she’s knocked up, and what? Goddammit, son, I told you. I told you to be careful, I told you to end it with her, and now you think you are going to ride off into the sunset? You’re going to take her away with you, from the only place she’s ever lived? She’s trying to trap you here, Sam, don’t you see that?"

He paces back and forth in front of me, his anger rolling off him in waves. I try to stay calm; he’s shocked and pissed. "You barely even know the girl. She could be sleeping around with half the boys in your class. You’re just gonna believe her when she tells you that kid is yours? No, Sam, I’m not gonna let you ruin your life just cause some little slut-"

All I see is red. I have dad on the floor before either of us realizes it’s happening. I’m holding him down as my fist pulls back and connects with his jaw.

“Don’t you talk about her that way!” I yell as my fist comes down again. I can already see a bruise forming at the base of his jaw, and I can feel my knuckles getting scrapped with every hit. "It's my baby!"

He doesn’t fight back at first, letting me get in a few more hits before his hand connects with my cheekbone. He flips us over, easily holding me down. He keeps me pinned there as I thrash against him. His palm meets my face again, and he loosens his grip on me. I pull my hand back, going for the final hit. I don’t realize that he’s trying to calm me down.

“Sam, you can’t let this girl ruin your life, and that’s exactly what’s going to happen.”

I hear the door open, and dad’s distracted as I land another blow. Dean pulls dad off of me, as I try to go in again. “What the fuck is going on?” He inspects dad as I get up, feeling the bruise forming on my cheek. Dean steps away from dad, and I go charging in again.

“That’s enough!” Dean shouts, stepping between the two of us. “Sammy, back off.” He looks back at dad, who’s wiping the blood away from his nose. Dean walks me away from dad, fights between us rarely got physical, and Dean knows that. Him needing to pull us off of each other could only mean something serious. “Talk to me, man, what’s going on?”

“Nothin’,” I pant. Dad lets out a sarcastic laugh. I move towards him again, jabbing the air as I try to close the space between us. Dean is quick to push me back, “Don’t talk about her.”

“You’re a selfish son of a bitch; you know that? Gonna walk away from your brother and me?” Dad spits out. “For what? Some girl? College?”

“Sam? What is he talking about?” Dean looks at me, questioningly.

“I was accepted into Stanford. And I’m going. I’m leaving first thing in the morning.”

“Wait, tomorrow?” Dean steps back, and his eyes go wide at my confession. “Sammy, you can’t. We need you.”

“I’m going, Dean, it's something I have to do. If I stay here any longer-”

“Sammy…” Dean runs his hands over his face, guiding me towards the door. “Let’s take a drive before you say something you’ll regret.”

“Fine,” I say, picking up my keys and exiting the room. Dean’s close behind me, entering the car as I turn the engine over.

“Something else you want to tell me, Sammy?” He asks, picking up the box. “Something to do with Y/N?”

“No,” I snap, grabbing it out of his hands and placing it in the glove box. He opens his mouth to speak again, “I mean it, Dean. Drop it.”

Y/N POV

I gather my things quietly, packing as much as I can into a large duffle bag. I write out a note and leave it on my desk, hoping that Sam and I will be long gone by the time mom or dad find it. They are making plans to send me away soon, sending me off to live in the middle of nowhere until the baby’s born, and I can put it up for adoption. I called Jana last night, asking her to take me to the motel, I know I can trust her to keep my request a secret.

I quietly make my way down the stairs and out the front door. Jana’s already at the corner where our streets intersect, warmly smiling as I get into her car, quietly sipping on a coffee. The smell makes my stomach turn, and I use every ounce of will-power I have to not vomit in her car. We sit in a comfortable silence as she drives towards the motel. I take in the town one final time, knowing I very well may never come back here. She drops me off in the parking lot and insists on staying until she sees Sam, but I assure her I’m okay.

I walk up to the door, knocking on it softly—grumbling coming from the other side. John answers the door, a look of surprise on his face when he realizes it’s me.

“Mr. Winchester," I say, looking around the room, noticing the alarm clock next to Sam’s bed, 6:15. "Is Sam here?"

John takes a deep breath, seemingly turning something over in his mind. He looks down at the bag at my feet.

“I’m sorry, darlin’, Sam’s gone," he says, pointing to where Sam usually parks his car. "He left last night."

“W-what?” I look into the room. “He said--” John smiles sympathetically at me. “He’s coming back, right?” I asked, hopefully. John shakes his head. “Can I call him? It’s important.”

“Left his phone here,” he says, gesturing to the side table. “Said he didn’t want to be bothered anymore.”

“But what about...?” I move my hands to my stomach, John’s eyes follow, and he lets out a sigh.

“He told me about the baby,” he says looking where my hands were gently laying. “I hate to be the one to tell you this Y/N, but he decided he wants nothing to do with it. Said it’s too much.” He takes another long breath as if what he’s about to say is going to hurt him. “Said he,” John closes his eyes as the words come out of his mouth, "doesn’t want to be saddled down with a kid.”

"What?" I can’t believe what I'm hearing. "Why would he say that?"

"I don’t know, darlin’. I told him if that’s how he felt, then he should talk with you.” He brings his hand up to his chin, and I notice a small bruise forming there. He rubs the scruff forming on his face, “He thinks that you got pregnant on purpose so you could trap him into staying here. ”

“I- I wasn’t, I’m not.” I shake my head. "I'm going to have the baby," I blurt out. “My parents wanted me to- to have an abortion, but I told them I couldn't." I take a long breath, trying to keep myself calm. "They want me to give it away, but- I don’t know, I want to keep it. It’s my baby.”

“You do whatever you think is right, Y/N. And if I hear from Sam, I’ll tell him what you’ve told me. Here,” he says, grabbing a notepad off the table and writing a number down. “You need anything, you call me, okay?”

“Thank you, Mr. Winchester,” I say, folding the paper gently and sticking it into the pocket of my bag, letting the tears I'd been holding back fall freely.

“You can call me John, Y/N, we’re family now.” He smiles warmly. “Let me take you home, darlin’.”

We don’t speak on the drive to my house; the only sound filling the air is my sniffs. John parks in front of my house, and gets out to come around and help me exit the truck. He stands there for a moment, before gently pulling me into a hug, reminding me to call him if I ever need anything. I smile and nod, wiping the tears away as I turn away from him, walking towards my home. I look back once more, and he gives me a smile and a wink. My parents are out the front door before I’ve made it halfway there. Mom keeps her arms around me as dad charges towards John’s truck.

“You keep your son away from my daughter. If you don’t, I’ll-”

“You’ll what?” John says, stepping away from the truck. “I’d choose your next words wisely.” Dad’s body stiffens as John approaches him, eyes shifting to me, then back to dad. “I know about Y/N’s condition, and I am no happier about it than you are.” It's the last thing I hear before mom ushers me inside. I watch from the living room window as John and dad continue talking for several minutes. As soon as he’s gone, mom and dad walk me towards their car, confirming what I already know; they’re sending me away.

Sam POV

We’ve been out for hours, Dean spending most of the time trying to get me to tell him what was going on between dad and me. He already knows that it involves Y/N/N, guessing that she was trying to get me to stay. “A-As long as you didn’t knock her up. Last thing any of us needs is a baby showing up on our doorstep.” I nearly choke on my beer.

“But you always wrapped it, right, Sammy?” he laughs, taking another shot. I nod hesitantly. “Then you got nothin’ to worry ‘bout.”

“Yeah.” A part of me wants to tell him, Dean’s the only one I know I can trust to help us through this, make dad understand. But as he finishes off his beer gesturing at the bartender for another, speech becoming more slurred, I know I can’t tell him, not like this. He’s pissed off enough at the thought of me leaving; I can’t disappoint him further.

“Stanford, huh?” He throws back another shot. I know he’s trying to cover the bitterness in his voice when he grumbles, “Dad’s never gonna let you go.”

“He can’t stop me; I’m nineteen. I’m not like you, Dean, I want to be more than just a hunter.”

“You’re just gonna go off, knowing what’s out there and not do anything about it?” Dean accuses, tossing back another shot of amber liquid. “Live some college-boy fantasy life? Join a frat?” He’s becoming more belligerent. “You should’ve dumped Y/N weeks ago. She won’t be able to handle the long-distance.” Dean brings the brown bottle to his lips. “Can’t let some chick stop us from what we do best.” Some chick. I want to punch him in his face. “They always fall hard, Winchester’s have a-always had a-way with the ladies.”

“Whatever you say, Dean.” He’s drunk and probably won’t remember any of this later. “Let’s go,” I say, pulling him off the barstool, and he nearly takes us both down. I walk him out of the bar, putting him in the back seat of my car so that he can sleep it off. I settle into the front seat, cautiously reach into the glove box, and pull out the ring. She’ll be there. She loves you. I repeat it over and over until sleep consumes me.

A rapping on my window pulls me out of my deep sleep, a security guard telling me to move along. Pulling out of the bar’s parking lot, I notice the time, 6:30. Shit, I need to hurry, I told Y/N to meet me at 7:00. Dean grumbles in the back seat as I pull into the motel’s lot and shut the car off. I’m already at the door to our room by the time he stumbles out of the back, but before I can stick the key in the lock dad swings the door open. Dad rolls his eyes as Dean struggles to stand upright.

“Dean, why don’t you go take a shower and sober up? We’re leaving in an hour,” he snaps, taking in our appearance. Dean mumbles in response as he pushes past me. Dad closes the door behind me and inhales deeply. I open my mouth to speak, but he raises his hand to stop me. When we hear the shower running, he turns to me, rubbing his face.

“Sam,” his eyes meet mine, “I know we both said some things last night.” I walk past him, not acknowledging him. “But you can’t just walk away. You can’t walk away from your brother and me. We need you, Sam.”

I consider his words and then grab my bag off the floor. “I’m going, and you can’t stop me.” I walk to the door, “Y/N/N will be here soon, and we’re leaving, together.”

“Y/N’s not going anywhere with you, Sam,” he says as I reach for the doorknob. “She called after you left, she and her parents agreed that the best decision for everyone would be termination. She doesn't want you around anymore. She wants you to stay away so that you both can move on with your lives.”

“No!” I shout, turning back to face him, I can feel the heat pooling in my face. “She wouldn’t do that; she loves me. What did you say to her?” I’m only inches away from him and can see the discoloration in his face from our previous fight. He continues to stare at me, face devoid of emotion. As I wait for him to answer, my anger gets the better of me, and my hand goes through the wall. “I know you said something,” I accuse him. “What did you say to her?”

“The only thing I told her,” he sighs, “is that you would support any decision she made.” My vision is hazy as I hit the floor, sobs leave my body, and I can’t breathe. "I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, and I'm sorry.”

He pulls me into a hug, something that he hadn’t done in years, and lets me sob against him. “Y/N wants to be able to forget any of this ever happened, and I think you should too,” he says, trying his best to be comforting. I didn’t know how long I had been crying when dad finally spoke again. "I found us a case in Mississippi, and if we leave in the next hour, we can get there before dark.”

I pull away from him. Of course, the next thing he would bring up is a case. I’d just lost my first real love, and all he can think about is a case.

“No,” I mumble, wiping the tears away from my eyes.

“Care to speak up, Sam?” Anger replaces the calmness that filled his voice moments ago.

“I said, no.” Rolling my shoulders, I stand to my full height. “I told you last night that I’m leaving for California today. With or without Y/N/N, I'm done hunting.”

“You really are a stubborn son of a bitch. You’re gonna just leave your brother and me?” I don’t respond. "Just like that, huh? You get accepted into some fancy college, and now you're too good for us? Is that it? You'll never have a normal life, Sam. Whatever you do, you're going to put anyone you care about in the line of fire. You think you can handle that?” He scrubs a hand down his face. “Goddammit, son, think about your brother, you're just gonna walk outta here without a word to him? You think Y/N wants to have a kid with someone who has no respect for their family?"

"You don't know a fucking thing about me and Y/N/N.” I get into his face, “I love her. I want to marry her. I'm going to convince her to keep the baby."

"If you really care about her, you'll respect her wishes.” Dad lowers his voice when he hears the shower turn off. “She wants you to stay away, wants nothing more to do with you, and you will not manipulate that young girl into keeping a baby she clearly doesn't want just because you think you do.” Dean emerges, and dad pauses for a moment. “Let her move on with her life, son, and then you can too, with your brother and me. In a couple of months, you'll forget all about her."

“I’m done,” I huff, reaching for my bag.

“Sammy,” Dean pleads, “C’mon man, we talked about this, Y/N will understand.”

"You can’t control me anymore, dad,” I say bitterly, facing him once more. “I’m not going to be your obedient little soldier anymore. I fucking hate you. You robbed Dean of his childhood, I never had a chance, and now, when I’ve got the opportunity to start over, you think I’m going to pass it up, for you? I would’ve—for Y/N/N, but never ever would I do it for you,” I reach for the door. “All I ever wanted was to be normal. You won’t stop me this time.”

“You walk out that door, don’t you ever come back, you hear me? Ever.”

I look at Dean a final time; I can see his eyes glistening, his jaw clenches as I turn the doorknob. ‘I’m sorry.’ I open the door, taking a shuddering breath as I do the only thing I can; leave.

Next Chapter

@manawhaat

@mrswhozeewhatsis

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@that-one-gay-girl

@ilovetaquitosmmmm

#Sam Winchester #sam winchester fanfiction #supernatural #sam winchester x reader #pregnancy #angst #fluff #john winchester #dean winchester

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let-it-raines · 5 years

Text

Catch Me If You Can (22/?)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

a/n: Everyone take a moment to check out the INCREDIBLE drawing that @carpedzem did that was inspired by this story. It can be found | Here | and deserves all of the likes and reblogs for bringing the Killian in this story to life!

Have a good weekend! ❤️

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury @superchocovian @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog@cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings @youraverageshipper

-/-

“You haven’t updated your Instagram account in weeks.”

Ariel says this as they sit in the hotel restaurant with their plates full of salad, grilled chicken, and rice. Killian’s been eating like shit lately, and as good as it feels in the moment, he can tell that it affects him and the way that he functions on a daily basis. So he’s been eating the same thing for every meal for the past week, but since they’re on the road where he doesn’t have constant access to a fridge and stove, he’s had to get a little creative in obtaining his food. Ariel is pretty much an expert at finding whatever it is that he wants when he wants it, and he cannot thank her enough for it.

Stabbing a piece of chicken, Killian lifts his fork to his mouth and takes a bite while he taps his passcode into his phone to see if Ariel’s statement is actually true. He really wouldn’t know, but it looks like he has several photos from the last few weeks on there.

“You can very clearly see all of these photos, A. Why are you so big on my social media presence lately?”

“These are all professional photos,” Ariel sighs, an emphasis on professional, and she pushes his phone back toward him. “You need more personal photos. You look like a baseball player.”

“I am a baseball player.”

She waves him away. “You know what I mean.”

Killian arches a brow and scoops up some of his rice. “I really don’t, love.”

Ariel rolls his eyes, and he settles a little further in his booth, his eyes glancing around to the people sitting around them in the restaurant. It’s not very crowded, just a few people here and there, but that’s par for the course considering it’s tentwo in the morningafternoon on a Wednesday. Not a lot of people are chilling in a hotel restaurant in Boston when there are approximately fifty-two other things they could be doing within a five-foot radius. And that’s only the tourists.

And he’s pretty sure that everyone in here can hear his conversation, is probably judging them for the particular subject of it, but he knows that no one cares.

He certainly doesn’t, but if A cares, he should for her.

“People like a little personality,” Ariel explains, ripping up a bit of her napkin. “I know we’ve talked about this before, Killian. You’ve got to show a little personality outside of baseball. I’m not saying put your diary on there, but post a picture with someone outside of baseball.” “Literally, everyone in my life is involved in baseball in some way.”

“Okay, true,” Ariel laughs. “It’s the same for me, so I get it. Still, though, think about it.”

Killian hums noncommittedly, pushing his rice around before looking up at Ariel and wondering why the hell she’s looking at him like she’s holding all of the secrets of the world in that mind of hers.

“Did you really ask to meet me because we needed to talk about my Instagram feed?”

“I mean, obviously not,” she huffs. “I had a few work things to talk about with you, but I’ve also missed you. I feel like it’s been so long since we all spent time together with you guys not in uniform. It’s got to have been months, and I miss it.”

His heart swells and breaks all at once while his head tilts to the side to look at Ariel, eyes glancing up and down over her as he studies her. “You okay, A?”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Ariel.”

“Killian.”

“Ariel, I am here to talk if you’re upset about something, and, literally, say the word and I will get all of us together to do something. We’re here for five days before we’re back in New York for a week. I know we’re in the crazy part of the season where it feels like we can’t breathe, but I promise there’s time for us all to spend time together.”

Her eyes glance down at her food, and she swishes her water around in the glass before taking a long, slow sip that he knows is to take up time.

“I really am fine,” she promises. “I’m just a little stressed with it all, and I feel like I need some time with all of you guys and Belle and, um, Emma too. I’m trying to make contract negotiations for Eric, which has involved us talking about a lot of future stuff that I wasn’t quite ready to talk about yet.”

“Babies?”

“Ding, ding, ding,” she laughs, even if it’s kind of pathetic. “I mean, I want kids. I do. I want them with Eric especially.”

“Well, I’d be a little concerned if you didn’t want them with your husband.”

She flicks a piece of lettuce at him. “Shut up.”

“Never.”

“Why do I love you?”

“I literally have no idea,” Killian teases, reaching over the table to grab Ariel’s hand so that he can squeeze it to reassure her. “Go on, A. I’m listening.”

“I just – it’s hard, you know? Obviously, Eric and I are financially secure right now, but you can’t plan life when that’s exactly what we’re trying to do. Because what happens if Eric gets traded somewhere else? We have to uproot everything, and having kids will complicate that. And we have to have a plan for Eric after he retires. Like, I have a pretty nice job because of all of you, but he’s going to need to have something to do. It’s just…it’s a lot on my plate when I’m already balancing so much. I mean, haven’t you thought about all of that?”

Damn.

Like, damn.

No, he hasn’t thought of any of that. Not at all. Well, that’s a lie, but it’s a small lie, a white one really. When he was out after the accident, his future was always on his mind, but it was never any concrete thoughts. It was always depressing ones about him never being able to play again, about him having no discernable skills outside of a sport, and about him wondering if he was going to fall into women and bars once more simply because things weren’t going his way. It was never a concrete answer about what he’s legitimately going to do after baseball. Money isn’t really his concern as long as he handles it all correctly, but how will he spend his days? What will he be passionate about?

Is Emma going to be by his side through all of it?

Woah.

Okay.

That’s not at all where he thought his mind was headed, but his brain apparently had a much different roadmap than he thought. Killian loves Emma, undoubtedly, and he does want his future to involve her, but it’s like Ariel said…they can’t plan life.

And he doesn’t know what Emma’s plans are.

Realistically, too, Killian isn’t exactly sure what he wants out of life, and he already knows that he most likely won’t have a career as long as a lot of other guys in the league. They haven’t had broken arms and rotator cuff tears that still bother him like he has.

Fuck.

This is not how his morning is supposed to be going, and the way that his heart is hammering in his chest is far worse now than it will ever be when he gets out on the mound tonight.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Killian squeezes Ariel’s hand again. “It’s hard to think about, A, but you guys will figure it out. I don’t think life can ever really be planned. I sure as hell have planned none of mine, and if I didn’t have you, I think it’d be a much bigger mess.”

Ariel’s cheeks flame up to be the same color of her hair, but she smiles at him anyways. “You’re right. You would be a mess without me and everyone else. I am the glue that holds you together.”

“You and a couple other people which means you are all very weak glue to need that many people to hold me together or I’m just that resistant.”

“The second option.”

“You’re going to be okay, A. You and Eric are solid. And if or when you do have that baby, no matter what city you’re in, I’m going to be there to be that kid’s favorite person in the world.”

“Please,” Ariel laughs even as water fills her eyes, “no one could ever compare to me. I’m definitely going to be my kid’s favorite person.”

“Whatever you have to say to make yourself sleep at night.”

-/-

Killian gets booed when he steps out onto the field, and he can’t imagine a more fitting welcome in Boston since that is what usually happens.

But then it continues past that first moment.

And he very much deserves it for how he’s pitching, though that booing is probably from the Yankees fans and not Boston natives. His arm is stiff, a bit of pain running through it, and he’s too stubborn to ask to be relieved early or to admit that he’s in pain. He tries to convince himself that it’s all exaggerated, that he’s simply been in a negative headspace all day since eating lunch with Ariel and all of the heaviness that was in that conversation, but he knows that it’s not exaggerated. Killian knows that his shoulder is bothering him, his mind is bothering him, and nothing is going to get him out of this foul mood.

Especially not when Al pulls him after the third inning once again and yells at him to get his shit together. Will does too, and even if it’s in his joking tone, Killian doesn’t take it that way. He doesn’t take any of it as a joke.

Who the hell cares about what he’s going to do after baseball if he can’t even figure out what he’s doing right now?

And in all of his anger, in all of his frustration at himself and at his team, the thing he hates himself for the most is brushing off Emma when she asks for an interview. He mutters a no under his breath and keeps walking down the hallway back to the locker room so that he can take a shower and get a massage.

She’s the woman who he loves more than anything or anyone else, which he didn’t even realize until right now, and he just blew her off when she was simply trying to do her job.

He’s such an asshole.

They lose 3-17.

-/-

Elsa: Are you okay?

Elsa: Killian.

Elsa: I know you’ve checked your phone. The game ended three hours ago. Five hours ago for you.

Elsa: I’m going to start calling you and won’t stop if you don’t text me back within the next five minutes.

Killian sighs and rolls over on his hotel mattress, phone still in hand, and sends Elsa a text back because he really does not want to talk on the phone right now.

Killian: Yes, Els?

He expects the bubbles to pop up to tell him that she’s texting back, but they don’t. Instead her face pops up, a picture of she and the girls from Christmas last year, and he wonders if she was ever not going to call him. The answer is most definitely no since he’s been ignoring her – and everyone else – all evening. Eventually someone was going to call him out on his shit.

Sighing again, he hits answer and presses the speaker button as Elsa’s voice comes through the phone.

“Why are you ignoring everyone?”

“I’m talking to you.”

“Only because I just promised to harass you until you did. Seriously, Killian. Your brother and I have been calling you all afternoon, and you’ve ignored us. And when I texted Emma, she said that you were ignoring her too.”

“Bloody hell,” Killian grumbles aloud, sitting up in bed and moving his arm so that he’s not pressing down on it so as to agitate it more. “You texted Emma?”

“Um, yeah?” Elsa questions, the hesitation obvious in her voice. “She’s your girlfriend. She was at the game. I kind of figured she was with you, but apparently the two of you haven’t talked either. What the hell is wrong with you that you’re not even talking to Emma?”

Well, he’s an asshole for one. He’s also never told Emma about his shoulder injury and the full extent of the accident. He doesn’t want to. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, but he doesn’t want Emma to know about it. Not now. As irrational as he knows that it is, she might think less of him. And maybe just maybe, if he doesn’t tell more people, the problem will somehow go away.

This is all becoming more irrational by the second, but it’s fine. Everything is going to be fine. That was such a dark place in his life, one he doesn’t want to keep repeating and reliving even if Emma already knows parts of it, and he has no idea how he’d even talk to her right now since she’s very obviously, and rightfully so, pissed at him.

It’s all so easy to mess everything up in the blink of an eye.

“She’s likely pissed at me since I brushed her off for an interview. I didn’t even say hi or smile at her or find her afterwards. So, I didn’t text her, and she hasn’t texted me. I don’t know…she’s upset with me, right?”

“She’s concerned about you,” Elsa breathes out, and from the lack of noise around her, Killian imagines that she must have locked herself in the study so that no one bothers her. “Killian, Emma loves you. Anyone with eyes can see that, and you guys are a team. Granted, you’re a brand new team, but you’re a team. You have to work together and share stuff like this.”

“I know that, Els.”

“Then why isn’t she with you right now?”

“Because my shoulder feels like shit today, and she doesn’t know anything about the accident besides the broken bone.”

Silence fills the air around him after he says the words, and it’s exacerbated by the fact that Elsa isn’t saying anything on the other line. The only sounds are the sounds of his television playing some kind of celebrity gossip show. How out of touch is he if he doesn’t even know the name of the show?

Why would it even matter to him?

“Killian,” Elsa whispers, and he’s so damn tired of hearing people say his name in sympathy today, “you haven’t told her?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I haven’t told anyone else, Els. Eight people on this earth know about it, and I don’t even know how I would tell her. I don’t want her to look at me out of pity. I don’t…my life has had some pretty shitty periods, and that was one of them. Emma didn’t honestly know me then. She didn’t know how fucked up that I was, and even if I’ve told her about Milah and all of the women after Milah and – I’ve told her a lot, and at some point, she’s going to flip out on how messed up I am.”

“First of all,” she starts, not even allowing him to take a breath or truly think about everything that he just said, “you are not messed up. You, even with all of your privileges now, have had some really hard times in your life. You lost your mom at a really young age and had a pretty shitty dad who took advantage of you and your talents. And then you had a really big love kind of blow up in your face, as well as everything that came after that, and just as you were getting over that, the accident happened.”

“It’s even more depressing if you say it all in a list like that.”

“But,” Elsa continues, “you got through all of that. Are you still struggling with it? Absolutely. But it hasn’t kept you from continuing to live your dream even though things are frustrating. It hasn’t kept you from finding a really great girl in Emma. You’re okay, you know that? And we all love you so much that I don’t think I can even express it with words.”

Killian smiles to himself and twists in his bed, a bit of water coating his eyes, but he blinks the tears away and runs his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath. “I love you guys too.”

“Good. Now text your girlfriend and think about telling her some of this stuff that you’re carrying around on your shoulders.”

“Is that supposed to be a joke?”

“A little.”

“You have no shame.”

“I know. Call me tomorrow, okay?”

“Will do.”

The line goes silent, for real this time, and Killian slams his eyes shut simply so he can have a moment to breathe. Today has been a lot for him, and he knows that Elsa is right about everything. He does. But he’s not quite ready to be that open with Emma. He will be. He does actually want her to know about everything even if he thinks it’ll make her run for the hills, but he’s not ready. And he tells himself that it’s fine. Emma has her own hang-ups, her own past, and not everything has to be shared right away.

They have time.

And his arm may very well start feeling better soon, and his freak out will all be for naught.

Killian: Can I come up to your room?

Emma: Ruby and Graham are in here.

Killian: I don’t care if you don’t.

Emma: 514.

Rolling off the bed, Killian bends down to his suitcase to grab a shirt, not caring which one, and tugs it down on over his head and shoulders before grabbing his phone and wallet to walk up to Emma’s room. He’s not even wearing any shoes, just socks, but he doesn’t notice this until he’s looking around the hallway to make sure no one is around and then quietly knocking on the door.

Graham opens it, a smile on his face, and for some reason it makes Killian think that maybe Emma isn’t as pissed at him as his mind has convinced himself that she is.

“Hey, come on in,” Graham says, opening the door a little wider and letting Killian inside. “I’m sorry about the game.”

“I’m sorry that you used vacation days to see us all play like shit.”

“Yeah, well,” Graham laughs, “at least I’m not at work.”

“This is true.”

Killian takes another step in the room and sees Emma sitting on her bed dressed in a pair of shorts and his old Vandy sweatshirt. He’s going to have to get something else because she’s going to wear that thing until it is nothing but threads. Ruby is sitting next to her, laptops on both of their laps, and he imagines that they’re simply working. Or, at least, he hopes.

“Hey,” Killian greets, crossing his arms over his chest.

Emma looks up at him, a slight smile on her face, and his chest practically heaves. They’re not even in a fight. Why does he feel like they are?

“Hey,” she says. “I’ve got to finish up this article, okay? And I have a little bit of prep work to do for tomorrow.”

“Yeah, Swan, that’s fine.”

“It’s only going to take her thirty minutes,” Ruby starts, slamming her laptop shut, “and then she’s going to yell at you for how pissed she is at you for completely ignoring her today.”

“Hey,” Emma gasps, reaching her hand back to slap Ruby, “you weren’t supposed to say anything.”

“Well, I knew you weren’t going to.”

“I was.”

“You’re a liar.”

“I was going to talk to him.”

“No, no you weren’t. You two are ridiculous. It’s not that hard to talk to each other.”

“Sweetheart,” Graham sighs, tilting his head to the side, “why don’t you let them deal with their issues on their own? I think they can handle it.”

“You know Emma almost as well as I do, so you know that’s not true.”

“Oh my God,” Emma groans, sinking down further on the bed, “this is why I should have left the two of you in New York.”

“Technically,” Ruby laughs, “David sent me because this is a big game, and he didn’t want you to produce on your own.”

“Yeah, well, I should have convinced him to let you stay, and then we definitely could have left Graham behind.”

“Hey,” Graham scoffs, and Kilian can’t help but laugh. He’s only spent a little bit of time with the three of them all together, but they obviously get along great. Ruby is definitely an acquired taste, but Graham kind of evens things out. “I am on vacation. I don’t need to be berated.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Emma huffs, rubbing the palms of her heels under her eyes. “I’m just a little stressed.”

“Do you want me to go get you a cup of coffee, love?”

Emma glances over to him and shakes her head from side to side. “No. I’ve had enough caffeine today. Thank you, though.”

Silence falls between all of them, only the hum of the air-conditioning remaining, but Killian’s gaze stays on Emma even when she goes back to typing on her laptop.

“Ruby, let’s go out to dinner,” Graham suggests, walking over to the bed and beginning to pack up her stuff. “We’ll all have to do something together tomorrow night, yeah?”

“That sounds great, Graham,” Emma promises. “There’s a seafood place down by the harbor that I want to go to.”

Killian watches as Ruby and Graham collect their things and leave, saying their goodbyes to both he and Emma, and it’s not awkward until the hotel door slams shut behind them and he’s left with just Emma.

When was the last time he felt awkward around Emma?

Probably during his interview back in March. That was a lifetime ago.

“I had a shitty day,” Killian blurts out, walking over to the desk that’s next to Emma’s bed and sitting down on the edge of it so that he’s not talking to her from across the room. “That’s not an excuse. God, love,” he huffs, running his hands through his hair, “I know that’s not an excuse, but it’s mine. I’m sorry that I brushed you off, that I barely acknowledged you at the stadium, and that I didn’t text you while I’m here.”

Emma’s nails clack against the keyboard, and he swears every letter is being burned into his skin for how anxious he feels until she’s closing her laptop and placing it next to her on the bed, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her knees.

“Why have you had a shitty day? Just because you played poorly? Because I’ve seen you play poorly before, and it’s never resulted in you ignoring me while I’m trying to do my job. I get that reporters suck and that you have to talk to a million of them. And I don’t expect special treatment because I’m your girlfriend, but you can’t just brush me off like that and then basically be a ghost for hours after that. I mean, you weren’t even answering your family’s calls, Killian.”

How is he a functioning human being? How? How does he even have people who love him?

Killian’s got answers to all of her questions, to every single one, but he doesn’t know how to say them without talking about his arm and that’s…that’s not going to happen today when he needs more time to accept it all himself.

Emma will understand. When the time comes, she will.

“I’m an asshole, Swan. I am. I know you probably think I’m great with expressing my emotions because I usually am with you, but sometimes I still struggle with it. I had a day where nothing seemed to go right, and instead of seeking out the help of people who care about me, I isolated myself. It’s not right. I know it’s not, but it’s a pattern that I fall back into time and time again.”

Green eyes glance over him, studying him, and he feels her everywhere, like she’s able to peer deep into his soul and see all of the things he’s hiding from her.

Or the one thing.

It’s just one thing

And it can’t be that big of a deal. It’s not. He’ll tell her. Later. Tonight is not the right time.

“You’re not an asshole,” Emma sighs, flattening her lips. “I know I call you an ass all of the time, but I don’t mean it. I just – you had a bad day. I get that. I have bad days all the time, but, and at least I think I’m right about this even though Neal and Walsh never did this with me, when you have a shitty day, you’re supposed to share it with me, come to me, lean on me. If you need time to yourself, fine. Take it. That’s probably a good thing, but I don’t want to do this if every time things don’t go your way I’m pushed away.”

“Did you rehearse that?”

“Does it sound like it?”

“A little bit,” Killian chuckles as he scratches behind his ear. “If only because everything you just told me not to do is everything that I know you have a history of doing.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a hypocrite.” Emma lets her legs fall against the mattress before standing up and stepping into his space so that she’s standing between his thighs with her hands on his shoulders, nails curling into his t-shirt. “Obviously, we both have our own issues, but let’s try to be better, yeah? And if all else fails when it comes to talking, I’m a really good person to eat junk food with and possibly get a little drunk even if those are terrible coping mechanisms.”

He huffs, his hands finding her hips so that he can tug her closer. “I’m on a diet, actually.”

Emma’s nose scrunches up in that way that he loves before she’s dipping her head down and softly, thoroughly moving her lips over his in the way that he’s been craving all day. He hasn’t seen her today, only those few seconds after he got pulled out of the game, and he had no idea just how much he missed being able to feel her against him, to be able to smell the scent of her shampoo, until right at this moment.

“I know,” she says when they pull back from each other even if he doesn’t let his grip on her hips go. “We’ve been eating like crap lately.”

“I’m trying to rectify that. I know you are too.”

“Actually, Ruby and I signed up for another Pilates class at home, so I’ve been working my ass off to still eat my onion rings. Literally.”

“Oh, don’t do that.” Killian moves his hand back to squeeze her ass, reveling in the way that Emma rolls her eyes. “I like this ass too much.”

“Well, consider it some kind of punishment for being a broody ass today if my butt happens to get smaller.” She smiles at him before kissing his forehead in a move so gentle that he wonders how in the world this woman has so many wonderful facets. “Now, do me a favor and find something to watch while I finish up my assignment, okay? I have to talk about everything you guys did wrong today.”

“Just punch me in the gut why don’t you.”

“I try. C’mon, twenty-nine. I think we both deserve a relaxing night.”

“Yeah, Swan, me too.”

They don’t get drunk and eat junk food, but once Emma finishes her work a little under twenty minutes later, she turns her laptop off as well as turning off the hotel room lights, and crawls under the covers with him so that her feet are tucked into his calves. Killian loves that she does that, that she feels comfortable doing that, and it brings him comfort even if her feet are far too cold. Seriously, it’s like she sticks them in the freezer before she gets in bed.

As if that would be possible.

Emma absentmindedly playing with his chain and his mother’s ring is something he’s also grown used to recently, something that brings him peace, and Killian continues to trace words of affection into the skin of her back as the night goes on. They don’t talk much, just a few exchanges of words about Emma’s day, her plans and schedule for tomorrow, and she drags just that little bit more information out of him. It’s still not everything, was never going to be everything, but it’s a start.

And his shoulder doesn’t bother him nearly as badly when Emma is sitting beneath it with her head on his chest laughing at his truly terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. He’s usually much better with accents, but this one is apparently too much for Emma to handle.

Weirdly, though, or maybe not so much, all of his concerns that sparked after his conversation with Ariel this afternoon fade away with each passing second. Killian’s got no clue what’s going to happen or if things are going to work out, but at the end of the day, all he wants is for Emma to laugh with him and kiss his collarbone before she falls asleep.

#catch me if you can #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

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hpwipfest-blog · 5 years

Text

Masterpost HP WIP Fest, part 1

Hello dear fest participants and exited readers. I hereby give you the first masterpost of the HP WIP Fest, announcing all WIP’s that have entered so far. As it is a long list, I have put it under a cut, with the WIP’s that are already on ao3 first in case you want to start reading already.

If you signed up for the fest but do not see your WIP in this list, this is probably because I do not yet have a title for your work. In that case, please email me the title so I can include you in the next masterpost.

I hope all the participants find lots of inspiration to finish in the upcoming weeks, and to our early readers, enjoy these wonderful WIP’s!

Skin Deep by @loganaa-fic

Pairing: Drarry

When Harry accepts a job at Dean's tattoo parlor, he never expected that Draco Malfoy would show up, looking for a tattoo. But then again, since when did Malfoy do what was expected?

The Boy Who Killed God by @sirius-black-killed-god

Pairing: Wolfstar

Sirius Black has a secret. Well, no, that's not true. Sirius Black has many secrets. His wand is dying, his parents more or less want to kill him, and there's the small matter of the cursed TOUJOURS PUR tattoo right above his heart, that he's had since he turned eight years old. Sirius Black is no stranger to secrets.

Then, Remus Lupin walks into his life.

Thus, begins a whole new history - one of darkness, of magic, of bravery, of family - as four boys set out to unwind the endings so many others have written for them.

This is the story of the Marauders at Hogwarts and afterwards, and all the love that lies between.

This is Year One.

Apparently by justanotherloser

Pairing: Drarry

Father says apparently I feel too much.

Mother says apparently my mask needs to hide more of my emotions.

The Dark Lord says apparently I'm too weak.

Blaise says apparently I hate too often, and Pansy says I apparently need to let go.

I never get to make choices with them. Not with my family, not with my life, not with my house.

Apparently I can only choose who I hate, and I can't even get that right.

Apparently I love Harry Potter.

Are You Here To Finish Me Off, Sweetheart? by @geekmom13

Pairing: Antonin Dolohov/Hermione Granger

Antonin gets held by the order for the secret he keeps and Hermione is put in charge of him. They end up relying on each other more than anyone had expected.

Children of war by @the-purple-black

Pairing: Bellatrix Lestrange/Rodolphus Lestrange

A promise made by Bellatrix to the Dark Lord seemed unimportant at the time, though years later it seems her loyalty must be put to the test.

Fixed Point by @frumpologist

Pairing: Dramione

Draco and Hermione are Time Unspeakables who travel through time to stop anachronists from using illegal time travel to change the course of history.

Their adventures lead them through the whole of history and the unwritten expanse of the future. Hermione learns about the History of Magic and Draco learns about science, Muggles, and falling in love.

However, there are fixed points in time, events so important that they cannot be altered. Hermione Granger’s tragic life as an Unspeakable is one of those points, and nothing Draco can do will change the path they’re forced to follow.

Not In Love (Letters) by @drarryangels

Pairing: Drarry

It's eighth year at Hogwarts, and Harry is unsurprisingly beyond miserable. Ron isn't coming back for his last year of school, Hermione is suddenly best friends with Pansy Parkinson, and Draco Malfoy won't stop ignoring him. Even all the House unity is going too splendidly to be exciting. Truthfully, Harry wishes he had never come back at all. That is, until he starts receiving letters from an anonymous sender.

Sequel to Palo Alto by @nachodiablo

Pairing: Wolfstar

Modern AU set in Northern California. It's been four years since Sirius and Remus got their shit together. James and Lily aren't doing too shabby, either. Things are going great. Sure, James still hasn't gotten any of his business ideas off the ground quite yet. And yeah, Lily's still not ready to move in with James, even though she spends every night at his place. And okay, Remus might be starting to freak a little about whether his PhD is going to land him in some no-name wasteland town for a job. And fine, Sirius has stalled out a bit since he left work to pursue his dreams of... well, to find a dream to pursue. Regardless. Things are great. Very chill. That is, until a family tragedy brings an adorable bundle of responsibility into their lives.

The End Is Just The Beginning by @the-fifth-marauder

Pairing: Drarry

When Draco decided to join the Auror forces, he knew life would be made hell for him by just about everyone in the Ministry. Yet never did Draco think he would be condemned to a fate like this.

The one where Draco gets the second chance he never knew he wanted. Before he realized that 'Happy Endings' just aren't for his destiny. Or were they?

#10

New Beginnings by @kaarina-riddle

Pairing: Dramione

Hermione comes home to find her husband in a compromising position on the kitchen table and wants to get away from everything, the perfect job opportunity as a professor of Charms at Hogwarts is offered and she takes it. Only to find that there's a surprise Draco Malfoy old school nemesis is the new DADA professor what will happen?

#11

A Girl Worth Fighting For by @saintdionysus

Pairing: Hermione Draco, Hermione/Theo

Due to the events of War, The Ministry of Magic has ordered students to repeat their final year, despite being legal wizarding age and completion of OWLs. Hermione Granger and Blaise Zabini form a friendship as head boy and head girl and find a way to use their authority to challenge the Ministry. Along the way, she finds herself caught between two unexpected love interests, while Blaise plays referee between his two friends.

#12

The Promise by @tofadeawayagain

Pairing: Drastoria, Dramione

When Astoria Malfoy learns she is dying, she asks Hermione Granger to take care of her husband Draco. It's not until the following New Year's Eve that he starts to let her. A tale about the seasons of grief, friendship and love, and moving on after a devastating loss.

#13

All the Stupid Things in Between: A Gryffindor and Slytherin Love Story by ForeverEvan

Pairing: Fred Weasley/OFC

Evangeline "Evan" Carter, the illegitimate daughter of Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange, is moved from Ilvermorny to Hogwarts at the beginning of the 4th Year. She is facing the task of hiding her true identity while falling for a boy from the wrong family. Evan must rely on her brother and her teacher to navigate the dangerous world of being the daughter of a Death Eater and a killer.

#14

Prowler by @goldie-writes-things

Pairing: Harry/Hermione

Harry and Hermione thought winning the war was the hard part. They had no idea how difficult surviving it would be. Newly engaged Lord Potter and Lady Black must navigate the murky waters of parenthood while rebuilding their lives. But when their world starts crashing down around them they are faced with a startling question: What wouldn’t you do for your child?

#15

Stressed Teen to Yes Queen by @drarryandharry

Pairing: Drarry

The fab five sort out post war Harry. That’s it. That’s the summary.

#16

Shockwave by maraudersaffair

Pairing: Drarry

When Harry fled Britain he had no idea murder and Draco fucking Malfoy would follow. Now in Las Vegas, he’s faced with a vampire mystery and a Malfoy who refuses to tell him the truth.

Veelas and vampires! Yay!

#17

Destiny Intertwined by @vinoamore

Pairing: Hermione/Dolohov

In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the DFFandCabalChristmasFest collection.

Prompt: A marriage law is passed just before the Christmas holidays. Hermione is matched with a former Death Eater, Antonin Dolohov...and Hermione is furious. "Why is this happening?!" she demanded. "He tried to kill me!"

#18

The Seven Year Witch by @thelastlynx

Pairing: Dramione

A boy and a girl have been meeting, coincidentally, for seven summers. While they pretty much hate each other most of the year, for those little moments in July or August they manage to see one another in a different light. But will that be quite enough to bring them together?

#19

Distant Stars by @of-stars-and-moon

Pairing: Wolfstar, Jily

(The story of Sirius Black, a Slytherin student as he finds friendship and love from someone he never expected)

'The memory was still so new and clear, feeling like it was yesterday but an eternity away at the same time.

In first year, Sirius would have never ever imagined that on his last day at Hogwarts, he would be lying on a roof, holding hands with Remus and listening to James and Peter.'

#20

A Home For Christmas by @motherbookerao3

Pairing: Drarry

High on a barely legal pain potion, Harry accidentally ends up adopting a child with Draco Malfoy.

#21

The Noble and Most Ancient Guide to Vice and Virtues by grimyoufuck

Pairing: Wolfstar

Toujours Pur; the words had been branded into Sirius' subconscious from a young age. It was a motto he'd never been able to live up to, even when he had tried. But now? Now, he was going to escape his mother's scathing words and his father's ambivalent silence to travel the continent with his best friend, and nothing was going to stop him. His mother was determined to keep the bloodline pure, and uphold the name of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Sirius was determined to do the opposite.

When Sirius Black journeys to France to begin the first leg of his European tour with best friend James Potter, he'd expected a holiday of booze and boys. What he hadn't expected, much less wanted, was an educational trip, including nights out at the opera. But when a particular cast member catches Sirius' eye, he wonders if some good old fashioned fun could be obtained after all.

#22

Serendipity by @mrsren96

Pairing: Harry/Hermione

Like any girl, Hermione has dreamed of her future nuptials, at least once or twice. So far it's not going so well. There's a marriage law, and well, Harry Potter to deal with.

#23

Avignon by bittercape

Pairing: Gen

Voldemort is dead, and Wizarding Britain is controlled by the totalitarian Umbridge Ministry. The resistance, mainly centered around our heroes from the books (with some additions and some changes), is working against overpowering odds to overthrow the government. Think a reversed French revolution meets Cold War-era Berlin. With magic.

#24

A Bond Beyond The Vast Wave by @mangopassionfruity

Pairing: Sirius/Lucius, James/Lily, Lily/Severus

Sirius was a many things, rebellious, lazy, a prankster, troublemaker, lady's man, irresponsible, carefree. Or that is what he likes to appear as. And why break that image he's crafted for himself? Even if it'd make his life easier, especially with his hidden relationship with a certain Malfoy heir.

But things backfire and it leads to making decisions that change his way of life.

#25

Though My Mind Could Think (I Still Was a Mad Man) by Cassiara

Pairing: Drarry

After the war is over Harry thinks it's finally his turn to rest after years of pretending he's fine, and just waiting for the day he isn't needed anymore. He tries to kill himself, but of all people, Malfoy saves him. Harry realises that if he has the courage to die, he should also have the courage to live.

Ultimately this is a story about recovery, but it's also about all the things you sometimes have to go through to get there.

This is a rewrite of my fic "Favourite Scar".

#26

Explosions in the heart by @hp-rbiim

Pairing: Drarry

It's back to Hogwarts and Malfoy is annoying as ever.

Unpublished WIP’s

#27

Time is gone (thought i'd have something more to say) by Thestias

Pairing: Fremione

After the battle of hogwarts, the dead number in the hundreds; the loss of the brightest witch of their age hits hard, and for one wizard, his desperation to fix what had been broken sends him travelling back in time in a frantic attempt to save her. angst, fluff and angst, time travel, alternate universe - canon divergence, slow burn

#28

Encounters by @pottercrew

Pairing: Drarry

Harry is finding it difficult to keep his relationship with Draco apart from his relationships with Malfoy. What if he no longer wants to? Kink negotiation, anal sex, blow jobs, hard sex, bondage, voyeurism, sex club.

#29

The Side Of The Angels by @hiddenhibernian

“Focus,” Hermione told herself, forcing her breathing to slow down. “What's the worst that can happen?”

Bad question. Her heart was hammering so hard it drowned out the buzz from the bar on the other side of the door to the cleaning cupboard she unceremoniously had been bundled into. The bar was the Hag's Head, and it was usually a friendly place for the Order of the Phoenix. They were still fighting, five years after the fall of Harry Potter, but Aberforth had turned against them... It didn't bear thinking about.

Then the door opened.

#30

Not Gryffindor…? by Dracomalfoyy_youlittleshit

Harry gets sorted into Slytherin, finding an unlikely friendship in Draco Malfoy. Basically a retell of Harry Potter but with Harry in Slytherin.

#31

A Lotus In The Mud by @kaokumasparkle

Pairing: Drarry

Harry always had problems with common sense, everyone knows this. And now that he's sick with Hanahaki over a certain slytherin blonde, it looks like he may never get the chance to learn. Possible tags: mutual pining, angst with a happy ending, parseltongue Harry, Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, Hogwarts 8th year, Hermione just wants ONE year where Harry doesn't almost die, jealous Draco, protective Harry, Forbidden Forest adventures, minor mentions of blood

#32

It’s A Kind Of Magic by ive_beenfound

Pairing: Drarry

It's 8th year and the war has been hard on everyone. And having a future to think about and look forward to is terrifying Warnings/Tags: 10 year time jump, difficult conversations about lgbtq and war, harry being oblivious, draco being a shite, potentially triggering conversations about family.

#33

Flirting With Chaos by @alexandrao

Pairing: Dramionarry (Draco x Hermione x Harry)

The Ministry of Magic passes a marriage law, forcing all those above the age of 17 to be married. Hermione, furious with the law, is paired not to one wizard, but two! Determined to change the law, she flirts with the line that could send her relationship into complete and total chaos.

#34

Friendship, Football, and Fireworks by @LegendaryWrighter

Pairing: Deamus

One lazy Sunday morning, Seamus finds Dean going through some old sketchbooks and joins him in reminiscing on several memories.

#35

The Winder Of My Life by @nuclearnik

Pairing: Dramione

Hermione's special bond with her Snippets of Hermione's life as she grows up raised by a single mother. When Hermione is an adult, their bond grows to include Draco, who accepts him as long as he loves and cares for her daughter. As her mother's health declines, Hermione has hard truths to face and a supportive husband who is smitten by her mother.

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vmstudies · 5 years

Text

30+ things i learned in my first semester of college

Okay, so as a college freshman in her second semester, I wanted to write all this down before I forget it all or it becomes irrelevant. College is a trippy af time, especially for freshmen, and I know high schoolers are all freaking out trying to find what’s true and what’s not. So here’s what I learned my first semester of college, and some stuff I’m still learning.

Warning: this post is long af.

disclaimer: I’m a nursing ROTC student so I’ve got like a million and one things on my plate at any given time, and I have a wake up call at 5:00am almost every day of the week, so if you have to/already do wake up early, this will be great for you.

1. Be patient. You’re going to have people around you doing all different things. You may not be going out, but your hall mates will. Learn to let go and let them be. Unless they’re screaming excessively in the hall at 3am. Then maybe say something.

2. Do all the extra credit you are offered. Most professors only have 3-4 exams and a final. At least 99% of mine so far have done that. Take what you can get and do everything to keep your grades up.

3. Time management is key. I personally suck at it, but I find ways. Unfortunately sometimes, for me, it means cutting sleep, which I would not recommend, especially if you’re waking up so early. But learn to manage your time the way that works for you.

4. Find a good pair of headphones. Some noise cancelling ones preferably. Those will become your best friends.

5. Coffee will be other your best friend. Even if you don’t drink it. I never had a single cup of coffee till first week of second semester. I drink a cup a day now.

6. Eat well. It doesn’t have to be a salad every meal, but find the healthiest options you can that you like. The Freshman 15 is real, and I gained it, but I’ve lost 10 pounds just by eating a portioned amount of each food group per day.

7. Exercise. This goes along with eating in preventing the Freshman 15, but it also helps with stress relief and focus among a million and one other health benefits.

8. Take chances. Nothing illegal and nothing that could jeopardize your health, grades, or future, but just remember that when a moment passes, you can never get it back.

9. You don’t have to be best friends, or even friends at all with your roommate. But make an effort to get along. My roommate and I learned very quickly that we were not going to be best friends like we thought, but we get along well enough, and that’s all that matters.

10. You’re probably not going to remain friends with all of your high school pals. Even the ones who go to school with you. I thought the group from my high school at my uni would be my best friends and now I only see them when my roommate brings them by.

11. Take a chance on everyone. You’d be surprised who could become the best friend you’ve ever had very quickly.

12. Colleges will want your living situations for next year very quickly. Don’t panic. Just get it done before rents go up.

13. Look for ways to contribute to your city. Volunteer at churches or food banks or homeless shelters or hospitals - wherever works best for you. You start to feel a part of a community when you give back to it.

14. Skipping class isn’t bad, but only when it’s done a few times. If you only show up for exams, you’re screwed, because there are things on the exam that won’t always be on the PowerPoints. TL;DR: show up to class.

15. Don’t drink after people. Mono runs rampant on college campuses, and it’s now airborne. Hand sanitizer is your third new best friend.

16. Exam season isn’t that scary. As long as you’re maintaining your grades in a class, the finals should be okay. Should be.

17. Assuming you aren’t a commuter, if you have the ability to go home every weekend, don’t. The weekends are a time for you to hang out with friends and have fun at college. If you’re spending it at home, it’s not even worth it.

18. That being said, if you have the ability to go home “often” and you’re happy and comfortable at home, visit every once in a while. It’s good for the soul.

19. Many professors are there to complete research requirements. That being said, it doesn’t matter to them whether they’re good professors or not so long as they get their work done. That being said, you will have some shitty professors. Just work hard and beat them by beating their class.

20. You will have some professors who are, to put it nicely, absolute dicks. Again: beat them by beating their class. Ace that shit then never sign up for a class with them again.

21. Find the study style that suits you best. Rewriting notes is absolutely useless for me. This semester, my study style has become taking notes in notebooks in my dorm, and just having the PowerPoint up to add notes to the slides as my profs speak. It works.

22. Have someone in every class you can text and ask questions or study with. Cooperate to graduate, kids.

23. This one is huge. You will get homesick. It’s almost a total guarantee. It may not be immediate, but it will hit and it will hit hard. Don’t worry. Nobody’s freshman year is what they say it is. Yeah, you’ll find your group, but chances are you’ll spend the first semester drifting and asking if you’re the one person in the entire world who isn’t enjoying things. You’re not. We’re all in the same boat. Just keep drifting. You’ll find your group eventually. Who knows - they may be closer than you think.

24. Sororities and frats may seem like all that, but - at my university at least - while they’re huge here, they’re also a major pain in the ass. Rush for sororities was literal hell, and one girl I was talking to the other day said she lost 12 pounds in just that one week. Know what you’re getting into.

25. If you’re single and remain that way, don’t worry. There’s nothing wrong with you there either. People move at their own pace. My best friend has, like, 5 guys wanting to date her right now, and I have absolutely no one (that I know of). Don’t worry. Just keep doing what you’re doing. The right one will come eventually.

26. Know what you’re worth.

27. Get to class at least 5 minutes early. I’m always running to my 8:30 and it sucks.

28. 8:30 classes aren’t that bad. As someone who is most definitely not a morning person, I have yet to complain. It’s nice to get up and get going for the day.

29. 6:00pm classes suck. Mine ends at 7:15 and then I still have to go get dinner, which is in the opposite direction from my dorm, get back to my hall, shower, eat aforementioned dinner, do schoolwork and study, etc. It’s a pain.

30. Find something small you can do that makes you happy. For me, it’s Korean. I started teaching myself Korean halfway through last semester and I like to think I’m doing pretty well for someone self-taught. I also have a stack of notecards that hits the 26oz mark on my Nalgene. It’s kind of insane.

31. BUDGETING IS SO FREAKING IMPORTANT. I cannot stress this enough. And so is saving. If you get a paycheck or an allowance of any kind, put some of it away in savings every time you get paid, and try not to touch that savings money.

32. Be open to everyone else’s likes/dislikes/thoughts/feelings/opinions. You don’t have to agree or like it, but respect it. You’ll meet people who have all different hobbies, opinions, religious/political views. As long as they’re not out there preaching that we should all just kill each other or whatever, idk, respect it. Respect Dems if you’re a Republican; respect Republicans if you’re a Democrat. Respect Muslims and Jews and Christians/Catholics and Hindus and Buddhists and anything else you can think of. Respect.

33. Keep your dorm neat. Make your bed every day. Clean room=clean mind. Clean mind=better studying.

34. Do your laundry every week, y’all. Shit gets nasty.

35. Only bring what you need. If you find after 2-3 weeks you haven’t used it, send it home. Dorms are tiny. You need all the space you can get.

36. If you’re religious, find your religious community. It will be a great reprieve a few times a week. I was never overtly Catholic, and I’m still not, but it’s nice to get away for an hour a week. Plus after 5pm mass Sundays they feed us home-cooked food, and it’s freaking good. Take advantage of that.

37. Find a place on campus that reminds you of why you’re there when you have doubts or you’re feeling homesick. For me, it’s the first place I ever saw when I stepped on campus: the main lawn. It’s super relaxing and it’s a great reminder that I’m there to kick ass, get a degree, get a commission, and become the person I’m supposed to be in the process. It can also mean the difference between contemplation and a total breakdown. TL;DR: find a place that eases your mind.

That’s all I can think of right now, but if you have more that I missed, feel free to add on! Again, this is all from my own personal experience, and if you find that you don’t agree with one, okay. One size does not fit all. But this is just what I recommend. Have fun in college and good luck! Remember: YOU GOT THIS THING!

#studyblr #studyspo #college #college prep #things i learned #tips for college #college tips #self care

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healerofsins-blog · 5 years

Text

Tips That Help Me Write

Disclaimer: These are things I’ve learned in my fifteen years of writing. These have helped me in the past and future. Hopefully they can help someone else. I have also posted this to a personal Reddit account, so this is mine and not taken by anyone else.

1. It’s okay to let go of an idea.

Too many times I will get stuck in a chapter because I have been set on a singular idea and have to find a way to spin the story around it. It may be work to have to write the idea out of what has already been written, but this frees you from being stuck on something that will hold you back.

But OP the idea has already been written and posted?

That’s okay too. But remember this is your story and your rules. Now I’m not saying that you can bring someone back from the dead and just call it good. You can also make the detail or item less valuable than originally thought. Example, making a scream masked by a noise. If your story is set in the middle of nowhere there are big cats and birds that scream. Owls and cougars can sound like human infants.

2. Sometimes going to the past can help shape your future.

Flack back chapters are a go to for me if I’m stuck with nowhere to go. As I usually write with a very loose script I will write myself into a corner. In order to break the walls down and free myself, I will in turn make a flashback appear. It can be a lesson from long ago, or something that connects a few characters together. Easy way to stall and set some character development.

But Op what if I’m in the middle of a fight or conflict?

This is some of the perfect times for a flashback in my opinion. Give the writers a little suspense. A few may be upset that they don’t get instant gratification, and I understand that completely. It can help you create a power or understand that may not have been there before that can help you propel into the future.

3. Don’t like the rules? Break them.

This is your writing, your story and you can do what you please within it. You are the master and can change anything you want. If you are trying to stay as close to the material as possible it can be as simple as bending the rules for a few seconds. Humans can’t normally pick up cars right? But adrenaline is a hell of a drug. Mothers have literally saved their infants from being under cars by lifting it. I mean they break their bones but again this is writing. Your story your rules.

4. Filler chapters are totally acceptable.

This is one of my important ones. Burnt out on writing those battle scenes or sick of writing smut? Change it up. Character development doesn’t always have to be in the form of conflict. It can be as simple as sitting and contemplating their lives. I am a huge fan of filler chapters, especially with some good character development or some off hand fluff. It gives me a better connection with the characters and in turn I enjoy the story better.

But OP my story is all serious.

Then this is perfect for you. If you hit one more the entire story it won’t have the same impact. For instance if your character always has anxiety it will grow old. Speaking as someone with anxiety. Because I have ups and downs. Your character and story should to. Even in the most dramatic shows and story’s there are moments of relief or happiness. If your characters can’t really portray these things it’s okay to introduce a setting or OC that may be able to.

5. Writers Block? Take a break.

It’s okay to go on a hiatus and make time for yourself. If you want to continue writing try a one shot or some off hand writings for yourself. I have found that completely stepping away from a project and letting my mind run on something new will freshen my outlook on the story and let me keep going. And one shots don’t have the added stress of having a commitment to add chapters. Like the one shot? It’s also okay to keep going. One shots can always be turned into short stories or even a full commitment. But remember that it’s also supposed to help you.

6. Create character flaws.

We are not all powerful. In some situations neither should your characters be. Quirks can be powerful. Living beings are born with faults and differences all the time. Create something that needs to be overcome and boom some more sweet sweet character development as they find ways around it or ways to power through it.

But OP my story is set in a super power universe they are supposed to be this way.

Fair enough, but flaws don’t always have to be weakness. It can be uncontrollable anger. Bouts of sadness or even uncertainty. Even villains aren’t without their flaws.

7. It’s okay to walk away.

If your story isn’t bringing you joy, walk away. Sure your followers may be a little upset, and those who are only following you for this specific story won’t be happy. In the end it’s your life. You have an entire world around you that’s not this story. Sometimes walking away can bring you back. Maybe years later, and maybe never again.

8. You may be sick of reading the same chapter over and over but your readers aren’t.

I am super guilty of this. I will spend a week on a specific chapter and absolutely hate it. It will be the same words over and over and I will grow mad at it. But once I post it the readers will be absolutely in love with it. Remember that you may have seen those words a hundred times, but to them it’s brand new.

9. I don’t think my story is any good because it isn’t popular.

Perhaps not enough love or comments on your story has you down. Remember these few things.

What your writing may be super rare. It may be the only story in this field. I have looked down for something to read and come across different fan fictions that are the ONLY one in its class. Don’t give up, people do read it and will look for it. I have found diamonds hidden away because it wasn’t super popular. I will deliberately go to page 6-8 at first when looking for something to read if there are a ton of dictions.

Your readers may not have an account or have already liked it. On Archive I find myself wondering why I have the fraction of likes as I do views, but it hit me one day. Every time a reader clicks on your story it’s a view, but on some sites like AOE they can only like it once. A lot of people won’t comment simply because it’s not what they do. On Fanfiction it’s easier to see which chapters are liked better than others and they can like every single one, but sometimes they will forget these things.

10.Multiple tags aren’t trashy.

If something new can be tagged DO IT. I cannot tell you the amount of people who told me they read my story simply because the tags. It will help your story reach further as some people will literally hunt for one specific tag when writing.

11. Too short? Too much talking? Getting burnt out on certain scenes? Add details.

You feel like the conversations are taking a lot of space. You’re getting tired of writing he said she said over and over. You want to expand your word count. You’re unsure if it’s enough. Sprinkle that shit like it’s candy.

Eye color, feelings, thoughts, smell, how warm is it, how cold can it get, which way is the wind blowing, is the sun high or low, make inanimate objects flow, make that table in the corner an old splintered health hazard, paint the walls, tile the floors... you can do so much with writing. Craft everything from the smallest detail if you can. I am a sucker for some good details and character development. Is it exciting? Not really, but it adds to your story.

And last for now because this is super long already.

12. This is YOUR story.

As with breaking the rules this is your story. You are doing this for fun. You don’t really owe anyone an explanation if and when you decide to do something. The exception being if you’re being paid to do a certain thing. You decide how the story ends. You are using your craft to create something for free (usually) for others to enjoy. You want to add a super powered robot that can fix everything with some dank magic in a world where fire is the best technology they have? Freaking do it. I have read satire writings and they have been some of the best laughs in my life. Have fun with it. You’re the one writing it.

Feel free to take this and use this to your heart's content.

#fanfic #fanfiction #writing #tips #strategies & tips #writing tips

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crazedlunatic · 5 years

Text

Late Night Chats

Can I just... keep Bob?

“Blaine, what’s going on?”

Blaine was standing on Bob’s front porch on a Friday night at eleven o’clock. “I, uhm.”

Bob gently pulled Blaine into the house, closing and locking the door behind him.

“My, uhm, dad.”

“Blaine, I need more here from you. Where is Kurt?”

“In Ohio.”

“Did your dad do something to Kurt?” Bob asked, hand wrapped around Blaine’s upper arm.

“He knows where we live.” Blaine took a deep breath.

“What?” Bob asked sharply.

“He came. He was there when I got back from work. I got back at, like, nine and he was there.”

“Blaine. Calm down. Your dad went to Kurt’s parents’ house?”

“No. My dad came to our house. He knows where our house is.” Baine lip trembled.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.

1, 2, 3, 4—

“Blaine.”

“I need to move.”

“Blaine!” Bob said, loud enough to pull him out of head space but not enough to wake anybody up. “What happened?”

“Can I transfer back to Cambridge?”

“No. Absolutely not. Talk to me. Get out of your head right now because you’re with me, not your dad. I am not losing you because your dad knows where you live.”

“I can’t keep doing this. I can’t stay here. It’s not safe.”

“Blaine, you are not leaving this city and your job because of this man.” Bob said, very close to sounding like an annoyed father. “You are not moving yours and Kurt’s lives because of that pathetic piece of shit. I am not losing you over this. I’m not.”

“My dad... I don’t know… and then…”

“Blaine, I need you to listen to me. You are looking at me, you see me talking, you hear my words, but you’re not listening to me.”

Blaine nodded, looking at him with wide hazel eyes.

“What happened?”

“He wants the money. He says it’s from his father, so it should be his.” Blaine said, his eyes full of unshed tears. “He said he’ll release pictures from Kurt’s… when he was attacked… His career is just taking off. I can’t let him do this. I can’t let him ruin Kurt’s solo career before it can even get a jumpstart. He can’t take that from Kurt. I won’t let him. He’s worked so hard.”

“Then don’t take him out of this city.”

“He’s going to ruin everything.”

Bob put his hand on Blaine’s cheek, moving his head gently until Blaine was looking in his eyes. “No. He is not.”

“I don’t know what to do. Everything was going so good a-and it’s like I told you. He always shows up and does this. He always shows up and does this.”

“No.” Bob shook his head.

“Yes.”

“No. You are happy. You and Kurt are happy. You and Kurt are getting married in three weeks and in October your sons are going to be born. You’re going to bring them home to the house that you and Kurt paid for with money you’ve both earned, not money you were given.” Bob said slowly, maintaining eye contact and his hand not leaving Blaine’s cheek. “And that eight million is going to stay in those accounts for your twins and the next baby in two years. Okay? That is your plan, that has been your plan since you two got engaged, and that is what’s going to happen.”

“Kurt will… Kurt…”

“He can’t get to those pictures, Blaine. Your grandmother may have been able to intimidate people but he can’t get into that police report. He’s a washed-up crook pediatrician without a license. He is trying to intimidate you and you can’t let him do that.” Bob said gently.

Blaine’s face screwed up.

“No. No, no, no.” Bob pulled him into a hug, stomach knotting up when Blaine let out three quiet sobs into his chest. Bob knew they would have been much louder if everyone hadn’t been asleep. “Shh. I promise he won’t get them. I promise he won’t ruin any of this for you. I promise.”

Blaine shook his head. “You can’t promise that.”

“Too bad for you because I just did. He won’t ruin this wedding or this family for you. There’s no way. Blaine, honey, he can’t do anything to you. You know he can’t get into that file. You’re getting worked up and not thinking clearly. I understand. I know how horrible he is. But you know the law. You know this. He cannot just walk in there and pull a file like that. Just think it through. You know this.” Bob’s voice was gentle. “Come on. Let’s sit outside.”

Blaine nodded and walked towards the front door with Bob, who had grabbed two blankets off the back of the couch.

Bob sat on the porch swing.

Blaine sat next to him, shaking and wrapping one of the blankets around himself.

“Don’t let him do this to you.” Bob said quietly. “Don’t let him take anything else from you.”

“I can’t do this, Bob.”

“You can and you will.” Bob said, guiding Blaine’s head to his shoulder. “Nobody is going to see those pictures, Blaine.”

“I can’t stay in that house anymore. What if he comes back when one of us is alone with the twins? Or tries to take the twins for ransom? Or—”

“He doesn’t know about the twins.”

“He does. I was working on putting together the crib in the living room.” More tears filled Blaine’s eyes. “And the other box was still unopened. He knows. He knows and he’s going to ruin it.”

“No, honey. No.” Bob repeated.

“I don’t feel safe anymore. I didn’t even know he was out of jail. Alex must not know either.” Blaine sat up.

“Trust me, as long as I am alive you are safe because he will never lay a hand on you again and he will not intimidate you.” Bob looked him in the eyes. “He won’t do anything to Kurt, to Kurt’s family, to your children. I will not let him.”

“You couldn’t do anything to him.” Blaine wiped his eyes and then looked back at him.

“Oh, I could. The amount of money I would have to pay to get out of jail would be well worth it. You are not moving back to Cambridge. You aren’t leaving me, Blaine.” Bob let out a frustrated sigh. “If you want to move to another house, you and Kurt talked about doing it before the next baby anyway. But do not do this because of your father. You are safe, Blaine.”

Blaine sniffled but didn’t speak.

“The house across the street and two houses down is about to go on sale.” Bob joked.

Blaine let out a watery laugh. “The white one with the porch swing?”

“Yeah. They’re moving back to Rhode Island.” Bob nodded. “You can even paint the door red. Didn’t you and Kurt want a red door and a porch swing? It’ll be perfect.”

“Yes.” Blaine’s eyes filled with tears again. “He was in my house, Bob. My and Kurt’s house.”

Bob reached up, running his hand through Blaine’s curls in an attempt to calm him down. He needed to find something to calm him down. The last thing Blaine needed was a panic attack when he was already this upset.

“He just walked in like it was his house and he saw the boxes for the two cribs. Oh God. He knows we’re about to have two babies.” Blaine covered his mouth. “Oh my God.”

“Shh Stop.” Bob said gently. “Don’t go there, Blaine.”

“I’m so sorry it’s so late. I didn’t know where else to go.”

“Never apologize for coming to see me even if it is at eleven at night or three in the morning.”

Blaine nodded, making eye contact.

“You are safe. Don’t let him intimidate you. Do not do it.”

Blaine nodded.

“I’ve got you, Blaine. He can’t hurt you. He can’t hurt Kurt. He can’t hurt your twins. You were so happy earlier today. Don’t let him take that from you. He isn’t worth the stress or your tears.” Bob did not look away.

Blaine nodded again.

“I won’t let him hurt you or your family.”

Blaine nodded.

“No. Stop nodding. Talk to me.”

“I don’t feel safe anymore. I’ve felt safe for ten years and now he knows where I live. Not just the state or the city. He knows our address. He’s been in my living room.” Blaine looked down. “I feel like I’m fifteen again.”

“You’re not. You’re 27. 27 and a great lawyer who is just going to keep getting better. You’ve got an amazing, supportive partner in Kurt. You’ve got a huge support system. And you’ve got me. Your dad may be a dick but I promise you, I’m a bigger one.”

Blaine’s lip trembled and his eyes filled with tears again.

“No.” Bob raised his hand and ran it through Blaine’s messy curls. “No, honey. You are safe and you will be as long as I am here.”

Blaine looked at Bob for several seconds before nodding.

“And I’m always going to be here. The long haul, remember?” Bob forced a smile.

Blaine nodded, tears filling his eyes for a whole new reason—because Bob really had meant everything that he’d said almost three years before about always being there. He had taken Blaine to the hospital and stayed there with him for three days when his appendix burst and Kurt was out of the country at work. He’d stayed at Blaine’s house the other four days until Kurt got back from France and had come back during the days for the next two weeks—working ‘from home,’ but still in the chair right next to the couch where Blaine had been or even sitting in the bedroom with Blaine if he had been resting in bed. He’d also come to the hospital when Blaine had been in a car accident—the first accident that was his fault. He’d stayed until Blaine was cleared to go home and, once again, stayed until Kurt had made it home from work. And then had ‘worked from home’ for the rest of the week since Blaine’s couldn’t work with a concussion. Blaine had told him he’d be fine but Bob had gotten plenty of concussions and he knew he would need someone around just in case.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t.” Bob shook his head.

“No. Really.” Blaine’s lip trembled and he took a deep breath.

“Come here.” Bob raised his arm. Blaine leaned into him, feeling better. Both Kurt and Bob always made him feel better—if only a little bit.

After several minutes Baine said, “I don’t feel safe anymore.”

“If you don’t feel safe, move.” Bob said gently. “You can move down the street from me.”

Blaine laughed a bit and then sniffled. “Kurt does really like that house.”

“I’ve been in it once or twice. It’s nice. Four bedrooms and the back porch is covered.” Bob said, reaching up with his other arm and ruffling Blaine’s hair. “Sarah loves to look at houses. She’ll do research for you.”

“Thank you.” Blaine’s voice was soft.

Bob leaned down, kissing the top of Blaine’s head. “Don’t thank me.”

Blaine sighed a bit.

“You mean the world to me—just like Sarah, Charlie, Brady, Sam, Emily, and Miles. I would do anything to make you happy. I love you, Blaine.”

“I love you too.” Blaine sniffled.

“It’s going to be okay. It all will.” Bob promised. “If you do want to move and move here, though, we could carpool to work. “

Blaine let out a laugh, sitting up straight. “You wouldn’t think Kurt and I were stalkers?”

“Children. Stalkers. Is there really a difference?” Bob laughed too. “Plus, if I see your car still there when I leave, I’ll know you probably overslept and didn’t get into a car accident.”

“I’m going to look at houses I think. I just… don’t like him knowing where I live. You’re right. We talked about moving into a bigger one when it was time for baby three. It will probably be easier to do it before we’ve got baby or toddler twins.”

“Moving with children takes at least three times as long.” Bob said. “Trust me. Sarah and I have moved enough to know. Plus, I’ll help you two move. I know Adrian would and if you do it in the summer or later in the day, Matt would help… He must still work out as much as he did before. Ryan would help too if only to talk about clothes with Kurt.”

Blaine smiled a bit, nodding.

“Do you want to sleep here tonight? You can be a little late to work in the morning so you can get ready.”

“No. I’m fine to drive.” Blaine reassured him. “Thank you. Always, thank you.”

“I don’t need a thank you and you know that by now… but you’re welcome.”

Blaine leaned against Bob again.

“I’m always here. No office hours.”

“Well I’m only available to you from seven to four.” Blaine joked.

“You are such an asshole, Blaine.” Bob laughed and ruffled his hair. “If you fall asleep, you’re staying here.’

As if on cue Blaine yawned and stood. “Then I better go.”

Bob stood, pulling him into a tight hug. “Call me if you can’t sleep or if you need me.”

“Thank you.” Blaine smiled a bit.

“You’re welcome. Text me when you make it home, okay?”

“I will.” Blaine pulled out of the hug. “Good night, Bob.”

“Good night, Blaine.”

#wbuct drabble #wbuct prompt

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cuppa-lemonjuice · 5 years

Text

Rachel’s Tips and Tricks for Being Happy When You Feel Like Shit

These past few years I’ve had severe depression (diagnosed) and these past few months I’ve been really trying to improve my mental health. My following is pretty much nonexistent but if this by any chance reaches someone else I hope this helps you out :)

Don’t forget that what works for me won’t always work for you. My messages are always open if you need anything. Also, some of these might seem like common sense, but when I was at my worst I really did nothing for myself.

Some of these might be more feminine themed, sorry about that. This was just what I related to more. Feel free to rb and add on!

1. Set a morning routine. You’ll feel soooo much better. Please trust me on this one. Set a schedule for things you want to do in your morning (or early afternoon lmao). Don’t set any alarms, just have a loose format if you’re not currently in school. If you are, just make sure you give yourself enough time to get ready without rushing. I’m only 3 weeks into doing this and I already feel kinda off when I don’t do this.

2. As soon as you wake up and reach for your phone, set a timer on there for 10-20 minutes. Only allow that time for you to scroll through social media, text people back, and do whatever else. Once that timer goes off, move on. Yes, it’s very hard. But once you give in to that guilty pleasure, you’ll begin to feel more and more unproductive by the minute and can quickly fall into bad thinking traps of comparing yourself to others.

3. When you first wake up, drink (and I cannot stress this enough) water. You haven’t had any liquid the whole time you’ve been asleep. Dehydration early in the morning can make you more tired, sore, give you headaches, and so on. Even a few sips will help you a lot.

4. In addition to that, make it a habit to always be drinking water. Get a water bottle and make it a habit to fill it up every morning and carry it with you wherever you go. It’ll make you feel more awake, less likely to overeat when you’re bored or stressed, and keeps your body running when it’s hot outside.

5. Keep a hoodie/sweatpants by your bed. When you get up in the morning, put them on. It’ll keep your body heat in and make it easier to get out of bed.

6. Make your bed. Every single morning. There are literal scientific studies showing that doing this makes you feel more productive. I didn’t believe it at first, but I’ve been trying it and it honestly makes me feel a lot better every morning. You’ll feel productive right off the bat and it’ll make you less tempted to get back into bed and sleep more.

7. Brush your teeth in the morning and before you go to bed. Easier said than done, but once you build a habit around this, it’ll seem so much easier. Start now. As you are brushing your teeth in the morning, think about the upcoming day and what’s happening. Like a mental to do list, but focus more on what is actually happening and less on what you want to accomplish. Don’t overwhelm yourself.

8. Use the better less than none rule. This one has been an absolute game changer for me. Basically, the rule says that when there’s an overwhelming task, simplify, modify, or shorten it. Doing even a little bit is better than avoiding it altogether. For example, better 30 seconds of brushing your teeth or not at all. Better 2 squats and 5 crunches than nothing. Better one math problem than none. Take it slow.

9. Find songs that pump you up. New ones. Find songs you can put on to motivate you to get stuff done that don’t distract you because you want to sing or dance along to or that you associate with any memory or feeling, good or bad. I have suggestions if you need any, just message me. Spotify or YouTube playlists are also a great way to find new music.

10. Use these songs. Put one on when you first wake up. Give yourself that song to get out of bed, drink water, make your bed, and clean up whatever mess you made last night (been there, done that). Put one on when you get dressed. Put one on right before you go to bed. Put some on when working out, doing homework, cleaning your room, or whatever else.

11. Change your clothes at least once every 24 hours. As tempting as it is to stay in the same pajamas for 3 days straight, you can’t give in.

12. Put on deodorant every day. Despite the quite obvious of not smelling absolutely horrible, it’ll make you feel somewhat put together. Even if you’re rocking that no bra, no makeup, no fancy outfit look, putting on deodorant will make you feel at least a little but accomplished in the act of looking good.

13. Match your scrunchie and a bracelet with your outfit. Hype yourself up with some music in front of your mirror. Learn to love the person looking back at you. At least try. Start by saying one good thing about yourself every day. Then move to two. And three. And four. They don’t have to be physical traits. I’m getting there. So can you. I promise.

14. This one is one of the, if not the most important thing to remember. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t stick with your routine for a day? It’s ok. No one’s perfect. It’s hard battling your mind every day. Of course, don’t make it a habit. But as long as you’re making an effort, know in your mind that even trying is such a hard thing to do and you are so strong to even start doing things like this.

15. Think about your younger self. They would be so proud and impressed with you. Baby you would be amazed at the life you have now. I know my younger self would be amazed that years later, I managed to stay alive and finally find happiness in the hot mess of my life. Any little kid always looks up to someone older, especially someone that they can relate to. Try to be an inspiration to your younger self.

16. On the opposite end of the spectrum, think about your older self. Think about your future. Think about the life you’ll have the chance to live once you get through this rough patch, school, or something else. You just have to get through a few more years and then you can really shape the life you want. You've already gotten through so many, which is a huge accomplishment, and although it’s hard I know without a doubt that you can make it just a few more. Your future self will be so happy that you decided to keep your life going to you can finally live your life the way you want.

17. Our self esteem can be greatly influenced by the things we tell ourself. It’s so easy to fall into that inner monologue of “I hate myself, I’m ugly, I’m not worth it, no one likes me, etc.” Throughout my whole process of trying to improve my life, I tried to be a better friend to myself. You wouldn’t tell your friend things like “I hate you, you should hate yourself, you’re ugly, you’re not worth it, no one likes you, etc.” Especially with new friends, if you’re new to being friends with yourself. When you look at yourself in the mirror, hype yourself up like how you comment on your best friend’s Instagram post. Compliment yourself. Be your own best friend.

Don’t forget how much you are loved and supported. You got this! ❤

#self care #mental health #mental health support #mental health glow up

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l-enfer-c-est-les-autres · 5 years

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just had a long argument with my roommate about how “violence doesn’t solve anything”, “violence is never the answer, if we kill we’re just as bad as them, look at gandhi”, and “everyone has the right to live/no one deserves to die, even murderers/rapists/fascists/etc”, “if a woman’s being abused she can just walk out the door while the abuser is sleeping”, and how “there’s always jobs available nearby for everyone if you work hard enough, that don’t require transportation and are sustainable for you and your family and you magically qualify for and don’t require any luck”. she’s absolutely a good person, and generally well-informed, but this is where white, middle class privilege shows.

1. self defense IS NOT EQUAL to assault. there is no moral comparison, and those who argue this are brainwashing their victims into allowing themselves to be victimized, to not fight back, to roll over and make things easier for them. if it’s kill or be killed, the aggressors should absolutely be the ones to die.

2. no, i do not value the lives of murderers/rapists/fascists/etc as equal to that of their victims. if it’s kill or be killed, they should absolutely be the ones to die. it’s not about the morality of the death penalty; in the USA, the ‘justice’ system is blatantly broken: prisons are for profit, black kids who smoke weed go to prison for 6 years while white rapists get 1 week of jail time, sexual predators and offenders become president. when the system not only fails to protect you, but is part of the oppression against you and your loved ones, fighting back is self-defense, and you should and must fight back with all the means at your disposal, including violence.

3. india rebelled violently against britain, there was violent armed conflict between indians and british, gandhi just became the figurehead of the movement, and there were other factors such as economics at play; it is total bullshit myth that india achieved independence solely through pacific protest. resisting and fighting against the depredation of a colonizing aggressor is self-defense.

4. sexism, classism, racism, fascism - there is a war going on. people, lots of people, especially the poor and POC, are dying every day, murdered deliberately and though the negligence of the government and the society that is supposed to serve and protect them. you cannot “vote them out” because a) in the USA, the popular vote DOES NOT MATTER, the electoral college chooses the president and most americans don’t vote enough at the lower levels of government to claim any measure of democratic power (not to mention the US has been an oligarchy since Reagan), b) the system is designed by the people in power so that they remain in power. the system literally CANNOT be fought from within. ex: a good number of dictators were originally democratically elected; then once in power they change the laws so the presidency becomes a lifetime office. corrupt governments - and all governments become corrupt over time because enough/too many humans are selfish, greedy, stupid creatures - are self-sustaining and will legalize evil and corruption. bribing officials and buying elections? legal in the USA. under the trump administration, getting rid of the EPA means legalizing known dangers to public health and safety such as toxic waste dumping. the water crisis in flint? perfectly legal for the government to do nothing for 5 years and let an entire city suffer without clean water and get lead poisoning (the citizens are suing the government for damages, but this will not undo their suffering or restore their health). this is why revolution is the only means of destroying corrupt government and restoring power to the people, and revolution is self-defense.

5. the rights we have today - women’s rights, equal rights, LGBT rights, children’s rights, human rights - our grandparents and parents absolutely fought and died for them, they did not wait around pacifically waiting for those in power to give them some, and too many of us today are still fighting for ourselves and others. suffragettes were imprisoned, assaulted, and had their lives ruined; martin luther king jr. was assassinated by the FBI only 50 years ago when my mother was a teenager (don’t let those black and white photos fool you into thinking it was further away than it really is), and countless others died protesting and fighting; the LGBT at stonewall rioted and physically fought the police for 5 days. so many of the LGBT+ community are still fighting today, and being harassed, physically and sexually assaulted, and murdered, and teenagers are especially vulnerable and often are kicked out of their homes and forced into homelessness. those in power never voluntarily relinquish, share, or give power, because it doesn’t benefit them; they have to be forced to do so, including through violent means, and this is self-defense.

6. no there aren’t magically convenient jobs for everyone everywhere, and it is nearly impossible to climb out of poverty. when you’re living paycheck to paycheck, losing a job for even a week can be enough to force you and your family into homelessness, and from there it’s nearly impossible to find work without a permanent address, a phone number, access to regular showers and food, and god forbid you need healthcare in america, etc. you’re disabled or it’s freezing winter outside? financial insecurity and homelessness is a death sentence. in france the gilets jaunes movement began to protest a tax on cars that would have crippled the working poor, because while it’s good in theory to reduce carbon emissions and save the environment, there is not the infrastructure necessary to replace those cars. in north america, you can’t go anywhere without a car; if you live outside the city or in certain neighborhoods there’s no public transportation or it’s unreliable, or what would be a 10min trip from my house to the grocery store would take >2h30 by bus because there’s a highway to go around, which is simply not doable: the more time i spend commuting, the less time i can spend working, sleeping, feeding myself, taking care of dependents, etc. in contrast, you could live without a car in most of Japan because they have amazing public transportation. fighting to maintain the means of self-subsistence is self-defense.

7. i asked her: have you ever had to worry about where you were going to sleep tonight, or whether you could eat? no, she hasn’t. how many homeless people do you know, when you’re talking about how you and your friends all managed to find work within bicycle distance of your house? none. when is the last time you or your loved ones were threatened and endangered, harassed, discriminated against, or killed by neo-nazis, mass shooters, the police, etc? never. (ironically, she agreed that World War II needed to be fought) . when confronted with bigots whose proudly self-professed goal is mass genocide of you and your people, fighting back and killing them to prevent them from killing you is self-defense.

8. nazis, school shooters, domestic abusers, ARE NOT MENTALLY ILL. the majority of them, and this is proven by many, many studies, don’t have mental illness, and ALL of them have VALUE PROBLEMS. as in, they don’t value the lives of POC and women, they hold as a core belief that they are less and deserve to be killed and treated poorly. “if a woman’s being abused she can just walk out the door while the abuser is sleeping”: even discounting the psychological effects of abuse (hopelessness, feeling of being trapped, dependence, fear of repercussions and punishment, etc) abused women usually don’t have any money or means of earning money; if they have children it’s even harder. women’s shelters will only let people stay for a limited amount of time, and an abuser can easily find out the address. i used to live by the only women’s shelter in the area, the gate was dented from all the men who would come and beat it, with their hands, baseball bats, ramming their cars into it, shouting and threatening; i’m sure that more than one woman was caught leaving and beaten even worse for the attempt, and they are often too afraid to ask the police for help, or the police refuse to help because they’re poor/uneducated/POC/don’t give a fuck/don’t believe them because the abuser is an upstanding pillar of the community/etc, or in the USA the abuser is often a cop. and if the police do show up, the abuser might not go to court or serve jail time, meaning he’ll be free to retaliate against the woman and children, and in many cases abusers retain parental rights over their children; even if a restraining order is issued, that doesn’t guarantee it will be enforced, and it will not prevent an abuser from harming the woman and children, only punish him for it after it’s too late. for the woman and her potential children, leaving means homelessness, starvation, immense psychological stress, and huge risk of retaliation up unto being murdered. so if, since she cannot resist or escape her abuser while he’s beating the shit out of her, she decides to take a kitchen knife and kill him while he’s passed out drunk, that’s self-defense.

yes, we can and must educate people, especially children, and yes this is the only way to bring lasting change on a societal level. but in the meantime, my roommate and her loved ones aren’t the ones suffering from chronic poverty, threatened and degraded by discrimination, being denied job opportunities and basic rights, or dying from completely preventable lack of food, shelter, and medical care, or being murdered because they and their lives are considered trash. no violence is not always the only solution, but sometimes it is, and sometimes it is the best solution.

obviously her understanding of the world is going to be heavily influenced by her experience of it. and the reality is, she’s blonde, thin and conventionally attractive, from an educated financially secure family, can afford to be vegetarian and buy high-quality food every day, and she can single-handedly pay her own university tuition (in canada) with her part-time job. but it’s easy for her to say that “violence is never the answer” when she has never, and likely will never, have to fight for her life, her rights, or those of people like her, will never have to defend her inherent worth to people who genuinely don’t care. and this is a good thing, because no one should have to do any of this, but it needs to be true for everyone. so repeat after me,

PACIFISM IS FOR THE PRIVILEGED.

THE LAW IS NOT JUSTICE.

CAPITALISM IS FAKE AND NON-SUSTAINABLE, IT IS A VIOLENT, SYSTEMATIC, MURDEROUS ATTACK AGAINST THE 99%. there is no reason other than the greed of the 1% for the way our society is currently structured or how resources are being distributed. jeff bezos is currently worth 165 billion USD. if you divided that equally among all 7 billion people on this planet right now, we would each have over 22 billion, can you wrap your heads around that? or let’s convert that into time, $1 for 1 second: if i earn 50k/year, i get to live for not even 14 hours; jeff over there will live for 5232 years. so yes, EAT THE RICH. it is horrifyingly evil to have that much money, knowing the only way to have that much is to make it at the expense of the vulnerable, off of slave labor and the exploitation of human suffering, and even worse to choose not to use it to improve the world around you and help your fellow man.

#rant #violence against women #capitalism #justice #human rights #gay rights #pacifism #white privilege #poverty #homelessness #self defense #revolution #jeff bezos #domestic violence

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simplerstudying · 5 years

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4 things I learned when applying for college

So for reference, I only applied to two (2) schools because I did early decision and early application and was lucky enough to get in to my top choice which was NYU. I also got into UMassAmherst which was the other school I applied to. I sort of fumbled my way through the whole USA college application process completely on my own because I go to school in England and my school knows fuck all about American applications. I also just applied this year (2018) so my experience is recent af - I’ll be starting my freshman year of college Fall 2019.

This is just a lil preface/disclaimer so you guys know that this is only from my personal experience and this is not an extensive list of things that can be helpful.

There are so many lists like this in the studyblr community so please! Look at a variety of them because everyone’s experience is different but still equally valid. I found these lists so helpful when I was applying and I thought that now I’ve done it myself, I should give some of my own tips from what I have learnt.

1. do not leave things to the last minute

I literally cannot stress this enough oh. my. god.

I was a procrastinating idiot and left everything to the very last minute (and I really do mean the last minute - I only just finished my UMassAmherst application in time). The essays especially can be really daunting and I think I just panicked a little bit with them so I kept on putting them off for as long as I possibly could. I promise you, once you start the essays they aren’t that bad. And if you’re smart and don’t leave them until the last moment, not only do you relieve some of the pressure of the application process, you also give yourself time to improve it and to show the colleges the very best version of you.

2. if you can, visit colleges

Obviously this might not be a doable thing for many people, but if you have the opportunity to visit colleges, take it. I was really lucky that my family was able to fly to America and do a college tour as a sort of family holiday, but I 100% recognise that not everyone is able to do that.

When I went, I visited eight (8) in total: Harvard, Yale, Columbia, NYU, UChicago, William & Mary, and UVA. The reason why I valued this trip so much in particular is because of Columbia and NYU.

Before going on this trip I thought I’d love Columbia and hate NYU. For me, the idea of a closed campus was a very big thing that I wanted as part of my college experience and in general, I knew more about Columbia than I did about NYU.

What ended up happening (which you may have already guessed since I’m going to NYU) is that I hated Columbia and loved NYU - a complete switch from what I thought before. I went to Columbia and it immediately just didn’t feel like the right place for me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an incredible uni and a cool campus, but I just personally didn’t vibe with it at all. We were supposed to get a tour but ended up leaving before it started because I just knew that I would never want to spend a whole bunch of money and four (4) years of my life there. The next day we went to NYU which I was iffy about from the get go because it’s an open campus and a much bigger school so I just didn’t really think much of it. We weren’t able to get a tour because they had been all booked up the week we went but we got a map and a student drew out a route for us to take. I fell in love with this school so damn quick you have no idea haha. The entire feel of it just clicked with me and even though its an open campus, it still felt like you were on a campus and surrounded by students whilst also being a few steps away from the centre of Greenwich Village.

TL;DR - NYU went from barely being on my application list to being my top choice all because I visited it in person. If you can, visiting can change so much for you.

3. be honest in your application

Going into the application process I had a lot of anxiety over extracurriculars. Activities and extras are a very different thing in England. They aren’t as big of a deal when you’re applying to uni and in general, they aren’t pushed quite as much as they are in America. As a result, I was really worried that I wouldn’t have enough and that I wouldn’t get into uni because I don’t do a million and five after school clubs.

What I realised when I started the application is that a) you probably do a whole lot more than you realise, and b) there is no point in exaggerating or stretching the truth about what you do/don’t do.

On the CommonApp they give you 10 spaces for activities. I originally thought I’d only have 3 things - I ended up having 6. It isn’t just about what you do as clubs after school, it’s how you help out in general at your school, it’s what you do to expand on learning outside of school, and it can just be stuff you do for fun. I have squash lessons and let me tell you guys something - I suck at squash. I do it purely for fun but it was another thing I could put on my application because all that section is for really is to show the colleges what you do and how you expand yourself beyond your grades. You don’t have to be a star athlete or national level debate competitor - you just need to demonstrate that you do something other than lessons and trust me, everyone does something other than lessons whether they realise it or not.

Another thing that made me go shit i have done nothing with my life was the personal essay. I read so many example essays before writing my own and some of them probably did more harm than good. Not because they were bad, but because they were next level good. There were kids who helped teach refugee kids how to read, who had lived in 12 different countries and spoke a bajillion languages, who were champion chess players, and who had lived insane stories and lives that sounded like they belonged on an episode of Ellen. Now, if you are one of those people, a) congrats! you’ve lived a super dope life already and i’m jealous, and b) this does not apply to you.

If, like me and many others, you are not one of those people, don’t panic and write a fake super human story. It isn’t worth it and it won’t get you very far. Even if you don’t realise it, there is something that is interesting about you that you can write 600 words about that will give a better insight into who you are for colleges to see. I straight up wrote about my anxiety disorder and how I like to relax by snacking and watching NCIS. That is not a joke. I am serious, I wrote about binge watching TV and somehow still got into NYU (trust me, I’m confused too).

My point is, find something that you’re passionate about, something that is unique to your experience of life that others might not have, something that makes you think. If it’s provoking thought from you, it will provoke thought in the admissions officer.

4. try not to get hung up on one (1) school

I think a lot of people are guilty of this and I am going to go ahead and put myself in that same box. My heart got set on NYU pretty quickly after I visited, trolled the NYU website and watched every youtube video I could get my hands on. I was so fortunate that I got in because despite many efforts, I was totally obsessed with the idea of NYU and wanting to get in. If I hadn’t gotten in, I honestly think I might have had a breakdown and that isn’t an exaggeration. Even when I found out I got in, I still felt sick to my stomach for the entire night because of how unbelievably worried I was that I wouldn’t get in.

My point here is that I wish I hadn’t gotten to that point because there are so many universities out there and so many incredible ones and I think that you end up where you’re supposed to go - truly. I didn’t even think of NYU as a serious thing at first and now I’m going there. Your validity - both academically and personally - is not based on a college acceptance or a high GPA or a great personal essay. By getting hung up on a single school, if they don’t accept you, I think it can really hurt your confidence and it isn’t worth risking your own mental health because of one institution.

That ended up being waaayyy longer than I anticipated haha. I really hope this was helpful and gave a little insight into the process.

If anyone has any questions about anything - my college application, school in england, study tips, grades, my cats who i love to talk about - pls pls pls do ask me!

#studyblr #appblr #college applications #college #collegeblr #commonapp #studyspo #study community #studying #study #study tips #my post #my content #simplerstudying #mine #personal

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tesskeats · 5 years

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Comfort

I’m finding some comfort in read a friend of a friends Instagram. At 2:20am in the morning because my son is teething and can’t sleep. There for I can’t sleep. 😊🤣🤷‍♀️

This girl lets call her Sara, is living the dream life, my dream life for myself.

I believe she’s about 23 years old, living in Japan and has gone to a Japanese/English university and graduated with her Bach of arts degree. She has many friends English and Japanese, picked out her graduation clothes which turned out to be traditional Japanese wear, Japanese boyfriend, and now she’s going to find a job back home in America to be closer to her family.

The regret and mistakes I’ve made in life. Here is how my life turned out after graduation of high school.

2005-2011 what is like to call the fuzzy years. I broke up with Will, my half Japanese first love of my life for a guy who I became friends with at an arcade and lived near me. Because it was easier at the time than the long distance. Boy was I severely mistaken. I would never have known that this boy... Will... I would still be trying to look for his love and him for over 10+ years in every relationship. I never should have left him. Because it started a chain reaction of events where people would hurt me and abuse me. The boy I dated instead of Will, Taylor, cheated on me. Then I started dating women again. Also cheated on me. Then I found Melissa. Short lived, short loved, but so intense at the time for me and pivotal in my sexual identity. I had never loved a woman that much.

So from Melissa to about 2011 I dated/ slept with quite a few women. Couldn’t really find the one or didn’t care to due to being so fucked up. Gained a lot of weight. During this time I went to a community college and struggled so much due to bad education from an alternative school which mentally was the best choice for me at the time. I ended up getting kicked out temporarily from that community college due to plagiarism, which I truly believed how you wrote a research paper was rewarding bits and pieces from different websites and books.. and make it fit. My freshman comp 1 teacher failed me on my last paper, and I would have passed. I had to write a letter pleading back into university. It was embarrassing but I grew from it. Back to relationships. So I never graduated from the community college but I took up to Japanese 4 mainly to speak to my boyfriend but ex at the time.... I didn’t succeed past that or want to try since we weren’t together. Another future opportunity gone. During that time I worked at a home daycare. So I had decided I wanted to be a massage therapist on a cruise. So I jumped into massage school 2010, graduated and couldn’t find a cruise job. Gained up to 256 and went to another university for graphic design. Where was my life even going? I just kept jumping to jumping from situation not ever really thinking it through or understanding what’s going on. Still to this day my life would be much happier and simpler if I had just stayed with Will. Sigh. So I meet Ashley when I start graphic design university and she is my perfect new better Will, but a woman. And like I said perfect. 💗 I couldn’t have imagined to meet someone with a similar personality, make me laugh, perfect. But we got comfortable. And I’m not sure what happened specifically. Other than, she said at the end I never protected myself. And when we broke up, I didn’t have a fall out plan. Which seems to be a pattern in my life. Like I’m not mature or wise enough to have a back up plan or think ahead. I was heart broken when I left my perfect job in Oklahoma to move us to Colorado only to find 6 months later... she would break up with me and I’d have to restart all over again. Honestly it was the most civil and best break up you could have. Still to this day (even though we do not talk, she’s married, and I wish her the best happiness ever), best relationship I ever had. And I took it for granted and somewhere along the way messed up. Like all these awful people in my life messed up on me. And I did it to her. I carry such heavy weight on how I handled everything with her. it’s hard to let go and not over analyze every minute detail of WHAT DID I DO WRONG? Why am I not enough.

Fast forward 2015-2019. I had the worst relationship with a person I didn’t think you could have. And I was sooooooo Soooo SOOOOOOO completely beer goggles and blinded by the multiple multiple cheating. And I thought, hey if he loves me enough to have a child with me, that surpasses it all. Not with narcissistic sociopaths. They have no guilt, only shame. And shame because how everyone else views them. I have a 2 year old son. He has not seen his dad in almost 3 weeks, and he lives 5 minutes away and is unemployed like myself. It breaks my heart. He had him for 18 hours almost 3 weeks ago, and he asked me to come get him bc he kept saying momma, momma, momma. Fast forward to today. Not only does he have a new gf he cheated on me with, but one he’s known for 4 weeks, lives in Alaska, and is a stranger. He told me they’re just friends. Then it’s just the game. Then when I found I LOVE YOU TEXTS, it’s just how they talk bc or the game. And now 2.5 weeks after we break up. She’s in secret living there. I predicted this would happen, I predicted she would move in, however, I did not predict it would happen so fucking soon and he would try to HIDE IT FROM ME. Well shit is going down.

How is this my life? From a simple romance and true love with Will. To fighting for my mental sanity and son. Unemployed, single mother, living with her mom at 32.

I am truly afraid this, is going to kill me. It’s so much pressure on my organs and heart because i cannot handle the stress and pain of it all. I will give my son everything and my life for him to be with me. Taking care of him gives me such intense selfish joy, I cannot imagine my life without him. I’m filled with love, pride, and excitement to watch him grow and learn and be the boy he is becoming. When I look at his face, I see his father so clearly and part of me wants to cry and throw up, but I remind myself... if you give him all the love...teach him from right and wrong...show him how to truly care and love someone.. he won’t turn out to be his father. He won’t hurt women like his dad hurt me and so many others in his past. No in person should ever have to be in the situation I am in. The pain. The physical, mental and emotional pain. I thought I had anxiety and depression before... this is such another level.

With my anxiety and depression so heightened I’m worried I will die soon. My body and organs can’t take enough of the stress and mental damage that’s been afflicted on me. And My son will be forever with his father and new family. And even though, if I do die, l won’t be able to find out how he turns out. Which is the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Because I’ll be gone. And I won’t be able to see how he lives and grows up. So I want to write a short letter to my son.

~~~

Dear Noy,

Today is April 11, 2019 2:47am. You just turned two a few weeks ago and mommy is so proud of you. You’re learning to put your shoes on, and even try to say more words! You can whisper shoes, blue, show, and even car. You can clearly say; momma, dada, mmm, bubble, baba, car, duck, meow, woof, roar,mum mum. Right now I think that’s about it. I started you on almond milk recently because you had a tummy ache for a while and you love it. You also really love mango juice and frozen pineapples. :) we recently went and had ice cream together and you got a vanilla cone and shared with mommy. Mommy loves all these fun special times and moments with you. Especially bath time. Playing in the water and singing abcs and “swimming swimming swimming in the sea that mean old shark will never catch me” and you will flop on your tummy and swim away when I sing that lol. You love bubbles and colored tablets in your bath and to splash around. When you get hurt or sad you cry for momma. And lift your arms up and say “ohhh 🥺😩😢🥺” because you want me to hold you and it’s the most precious and amazing feeling ever. It makes mommy’s heart and head and everything so happy and loved and wanted. You’re my angel and my true version of happiness and fullfillment. I’m so honored and lucky to have you in my life Noy. You’re such a good boy. Mommy loves you! So so much! 💗💋 I hope that someday I can read you this letter and tell you how much you’ve changed and grown into a young man. See you go to elementary school and high school graduation. But baby if I don’t, and I for some reason leave you too soon. It doesn’t mean I didn’t do anything and everything in my power to love and provide the very best for you. I am not a perfect person, but I know I love you. So be strong, remember all these little memories I shared with you. And remember to treat everyone with kindness, do not hurt a lady because it can truly hurt her forever like it has with mommy, and plan for your dreams. You can do anything you want. Don’t settle. And love your family with all your heart. I love you Noy. XOXOXOX, Mommy

It’s officially 3am and I have to get up at 7am to do some things. 2pm is when everything is getting into motion. And going down. Please universe spare me the drama and heart ache. Let this be easy and smooth. Let me handle things with grace. Let me live and not die.

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javis-beretta · 6 years

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To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (3)

and here’s part three! sorry, this part doesn’t have too much plot stuff, but that’s only bc the next one is gonna be pretty exciting. thank you to everyone who’s been giving this story love, you’re all angels. enjoy! <3 (also i’m still figuring out some of the plot of this, so message me w your theories on who sent the letters or send me memes u think race would tag you in!)

part 1 / part 2 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8

The next day, you stayed at school a little late, figuring you could catch Race after track practice to discuss your… arrangement. It also had the added benefit of allowing you to avoid Jack, who you knew was spending most afternoons at the community theatre across town, helping them paint backdrops for an upcoming show.

(You weren’t stalking him, or memorising his schedule, or anything. You were just observant. You took note of behaviour. That was it.)

Race was on his last lap around the track when he saw you sitting on the bleachers. You gave him a little wave and his face lit up with a smile. He winked and kept on running. When he was done, and presumably back in the locker room, your phone pinged with four rapid texts from an unknown number.

hey babe I’m just showering and then I’ll come see you ;)

this is race btw

i’m really good at texting like a boyfriend

fake or otherwise

Even though he couldn’t see you, you rolled your eyes anyway.

Yeah, okay hotshot

Come find me on the bleachers when you’re ready

When Race showed up, with a red face and wet, curly hair he gave you a cheeky grin, looked around to see some of the track team boys were still milling around, and he placed a quick peck on your cheek. You didn’t let yourself blush, remembering that it was all for show, and you pulled up a Word document on your laptop.

“Okay, so, this is going to be our contract,” you said, preparing yourself for his teasing.

“We have a contract? This isn’t Suits, man. It’s a fake relationship. We don’t need a contract!”

“Uh, we so do need a contract, Higgins! We need to draw boundaries and limits and we need to stick to them.”

He rolled his eyes and moved a little nearer to you on the bench, so that he could see your laptop screen.

“Wow, nothing like a list of comprehensive rules and guidelines to really bring the romance, huh?”

“Fake-romance,” you corrected him.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. So, what’s first on the contract?”

“Okay, first up, no kissing.”

He spluttered comically for a bit.

“No kissing? How are we supposed to convince anyone that we’re dating if we can’t kiss?”

“Look, plenty of couples avoid PDA. We can still, like, link pinkies or whatever.”

“Link pinkies? Wha-? Are you living in the 80s? This isn’t Grease, babe.”

“Look, Race, physical stuff may not mean anything to you, but it’s important to me, okay?”

“Whoever said physical stuff didn’t matter to me?”, he muttered under his breath. But, after a moment he sighed. “Fiine, put it on the contract.

You typed it up and looked expectantly at him.

“Okay, you get no kissing, but, number two, you have to hang out with me and my friends at lunch and come to parties with me.”

“Technically, that’s two and three. And, I get parties, but why lunch?”

He stared at the ground.

“Spot always sat with us at lunch, so he’d definitely notice if you were with me and the guys.”

“Fair enough.”

You typed that, and then said, “Also, we cannot tell anyone that this is fake. Gossip spreads like wildfire at this school so nobody can know that this isn’t a real relationship. Not even Albert, or your track team buddies.”

“Obviously. And don’t act like I can’t keep secrets. You can’t tell Davey or Katherine. I had journalism with her last year and I’m pretty sure that she would disapprove of this plan.”

He was right, of course he was.

“Fine, deal. Anything else?”

“Oh! You have to come with me on the ski trip trip in December,” he said triumphantly.

Your high school’s annual ski trip was infamous for being the weekend when most of your school lost their virginity. Some schools had the night after prom, but your school had two days and a night spent in the mountains.

“The ski trip? As in the one just before Christmas break? We’d have to stay together for three months to go on that.”

“Listen, no one in a relationship would ever let their boyfriend go on that trip alone. And, if we’ve gotta keep up until then, then so be it. Spot will definitely be there, so he’ll notice if I’m with someone else. We can break up after the trip, no harm, no foul.”

“Okay, fine. But we will not be sharing a room.”

“Yeah, obviously.”

“Anything else you want me to add, oh wise one?” you asked.

“Uh, well, there is this one thing,” he said, sounding a little hesitant. You motioned for him to go on. “Well, Spot always thought it would be cute if I wrote him little letters and put them in his locker or gave them to him, or whatever, and I never did it. Um, if he saw me giving those to you, he’d probably get pretty jealous.”

“Badass Spot Conlon, who would beat up anyone who looked at him wrong wanted love letters? That’s so cute!”

“Yeah, there’s a lot more to him than just being angry and bitchy. I bet he’s got his college boyfriend writing him all sorts of letters now,” Race scoffed.

“He left you for a college guy? That’s rough, Race. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, its whatever,” Race quickly said. “So, that’s the contract, then?”

“Yeah,” you said, satisfied.

“Perfect,” he grinned, and his blue eyes were twinkling again.

“You do know that you missed the bus today, right?” he said, after a moment.

“Uh, yeah, I was just gonna walk home.”

“Holy shit, what is it with you and walking? Do you not have your license?”

“Uh, I do. But driving terrifies me and I’d probably end up killing someone – or myself – if I drove every day. But, yeah, I don’t mind walking.”

“Well, if you’re dating me, there will be no walking. I’ll give you a lift home and a ride to school in the morning, if you want one.”

“Are you serious? You don’t need to do that, Race.”

“Nah, I want to. What kind of fake-boyfriend would I be if I didn’t?”

He smiled at you and you realised that Race had been right the day before. You could do worse. As far as fake high school boyfriends went, Race was probably one of the best options you had.

“I’d appreciate that. Thanks, Higgins.”

“No biggie. Now, let’s go. The Bachelorette is on tonight and I need to see who Becca chooses.”

Before long, Race had dropped you off at home, with a cheeky wink and promise to text. As soon as you were inside, your phone lit up with a message from him.

see ya bright and early tomorrow morning, girlfriend ;)

You rolled your eyes and typed a quick reply. Then, you went to contacts and your hand hovered over Katherine’s name. You’d have to tell her what had happened with Jack and explain that you were now (somehow) dating Race Higgins.

The phone rang twice, and you could practically hear the smile in her voice when she greeted you, as bright and cheerful as ever. You talked for a little bit about school and she told you about college and you realised that you probably couldn’t put it off for any longer. As soon as you said that you had something to tell her, she sounded more than a little worried.

“What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“This story is going to sound pretty weird but hear me out. You know when I was little, I used to write those letters to myself?”

“Yeah, you said that your mom told you to do it if you ever needed help figuring out your feelings.”

“Yeah, well, not all of the letters were to myself. I wrote some to guys I had crushes on and I swear that I never sent any of them out, but, um, somehow, some of those guys, got their letters?”

“Oh, shit. That sounds stressful. Who’d you write to?”

“That’s the thing that I need to tell you… When you first got with Jack, I thought that I was into him and I wrote him a letter. I was never going to send and I’m pretty sure I didn’t actually have feelings for him, I was just a little torn up because it felt like I was losing my best friend to my sister. But, uh, he got the letter. And, I figured that I should tell you before you heard it from someone else. And, also, uh, Race Higgins and I are dating.” The last sentence slipped out so quickly that you hoped she had missed it.

She was silent for a long time and you were worried that the phone might have died while you were talking and then, you heard a sigh.

“That is… a lot. I’m not going to lie, I am pretty pissed off right now. I don’t care if you were into Jack or not. You wrote a love letter to my boyfriend, while I was dating him. And Race Higgins? Like Spot’s Race Higgins? What the fuck? Look, I’ve got a report due tomorrow, and I really don’t need to be stressed right now, so we can just talk about this some other time.”

She was definitely mad.

“Kath, I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you, I swear.”

“It’s fine. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

She hung up. It was not fine. You felt like crying and crumpling yourself into a ball, when your phone pinged with a notification from Instagram.

@racehiggins tagged you in a post.

It was some stupid meme, and you knew he’d only tagged you in it because people from school would see it, but it brought a smile to your face, anyway.

Race was getting pretty good at making you smile, and you hadn’t even been fake-dating for a week. Maybe, this would all work out well.

TAGLIST: @hungoverhellhound @seriously-ceci @the-butterfly-anon @ben-cook-can-cook @pinecovewoods @brendonuriehimself

#race higgins x reader #newsies x reader #newsies: the musical #newsies fanfiction #katherine plumber x jack kelly

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