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darrowsrising · 11 months

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Why do you keep mentioning Darrow’s “guilt complex” as a bad thing when it’s literally one of the things which make his character so deep wrt many other main characters? moreover it’s not even guilt it’s empathy which is the main reason why he succeeded in leading the rising, because he is so good at putting himself in others’ shoes. like you mention that a lot especially wrt cassius (which i also think is one of the best redemption ark ever written and for this same reason one of the most interesting things to read), but it’s literally his “guilt” toward cassius and their understanding of each other which followed from that which allowed them to kill the sovereign. like, I always thought it was one of the best things about darrow, which also borderlines with him never being so charismatic and capable of getting close also to his enemies in order to kill them. then of course he cannot always win also because it would be incredibly boring and predictable to read otherwise, but the only time the guilt was openly exploited by the others was in the tetralogy by the Vox but most importantly by Victra and Sevro, which at the same time you don’t criticise and still consider as the best friendship (i’m referring to sevro mostly). in cassius case, they even joked when darrow mentioned killing his brothers (“you can have karnus”). of course the characters which darrow killed or caused death are still mentioned, but grief doesn’t simply disappear and the way it’s portrayed in the serie is actually beautiful and touching for every character. so just why do you hate that so much? especially in relation to cassius?

also speaking of cassius, why you hate him so much, when the things you criticise of him are the actual traits of his storyline? you say he is just a vain facade without actual substance, which is kinda the same thing lysander said about him in IG, which i guess will be a plot point for their characters in the other books. but then why you like victra, who as a matter of fact is a conservative capitalist who would have kindly kept the status quo if not for her obsession with revenge after her sister? the loyalty came later and it was just a way of showing darrow, on whom she had a crush, which she was not evil like antonia in order to win him over.

btw i’m sorry if this ended up being a rant. of course not hate is intended toward you or your opinions. this is your blog and you write whatever you want, especially your opinion are yours. english is not my first language so if something came off as rude or provocative, my apologies in advance, it was never the intention, i’m genuinely curious about your perspective, because you always write super interesting stuff. so this is an actual question, not an hateful thing in any way

Okay...you know you don't have to follow me if you dislike my opinions so much, right? There is even a block button for this type of situation.

I will address this in pieces, so it can be organized.

First of all, fallacies - you are saying I am hating on Darrow's guilt, which you describe as empathy, which is wholly a good thing for his character in your opinion (I will explain after that why they are not the same thing). But, then you say I hate on Cassius for his character traits which make him who he is.

My point - Darrow's guilt and empathy are both traits to his character that make him who he is. Traits make characters, but any trait can be a bad thing or a good thing DEPENDING ON HOW YOU WRITE THEM.

That is something Pierce Brown does - Darrow's rage is focused into obtaining goals, but it also takes away from him things that happen around him, that he simply does not notice due to hyper-focusing on that one thing by using rage as fuel. Many other examples to go around, that is just the top of my head.

Unto explaining why guilt and empathy ARE NOT THE SAME -

Guilt: a feeling of worry or unhappiness that you have because you have done something wrong, such as causing harm to another person; the fact of having done something wrong or committed a crime.

Empathy: the ability to share someone else's feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person's situation.

And what guilt complex means:

A guilt complex is a set of feelings and emotions resulting from guilt or remorse. While guilt is a normal emotion, guilt complexes can be intense experiences of guilt that may cause long-term psychological harm, such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

Now, having debuked the premise of your arguments, I will answer your questions.

1. I am saying Darrow has a guilt complex, because he does have one. Especially in the first trilogy. His guilt is normal at times, but other times it's ruining living...for more. It's normal to feel it after his first Iron Rain, or for every person that died under his command. It's not normal for him to live his life according to what dead people wished for him. It's not normal for him to feel guilty for not being enough for Eo. It's not normal for him to feel guilt for not being able to convince Roque not to be a fascist cocksucker.

2. Darrow is extremely self-aware and that helps him empathize even with his enemies. He even has high sympathy - while he cannot imagine doing certain things, he can sympathize and be understanding - see Adrius as the most out there, extreme example. That has nothing to do with his guilt, that is an entire different aspect and trait. All that you have mentioned about this, I agree, but for the fact that empathy and guilt are not the same.

3. Why do I hate on Cassius for guilting Darrow into letting him go with Lysander? I do criticise and frankly will never forgive anyone who uses Darrow's guilt for their own agenda.

And idk how long you have been following me, but I dragged Sevro and Kieran through dirt hard for abandoning and guilting Darrow to soothe their own bruised consciences. Ask whoever you find, you can even look for my old posts, in IG and first two halves of Dark Age, I was done with everyone and their mama for their behaviour. And no, I haven't forgiven anyone for doing that to Darrow - and don't get me started on Victra saying Virginia abandoned Sevro, when the Howlers abandoned Darrow first.

Darrow has a very forgiving nature with everyone around him, except himself. People forget that Cassius killed someone in the Passage, bragged about it as a tool, but no one ever dared to use that against him.

And yes, Cassius used Julian to guilt trip Darrow into letting him go with Lysander scot free. Was it really that bad or big of a request? Not really, it wasn't about what he did exactly, but how and why. Why? Was he so tired of conflict that permanent exile sounded better? I don't buy it. He wanted to run away from the fall out of his own choices and spare Lysander in the process.

But those are not Cassius' traits, it's his actions. And yes, I criticise those, because I can as everyone can do to any character they wish. You seem to be under the impression thay I hate Cassius, but I only did that once - he told Darrow to come to his own dissection.

I think Cassius has lots of hypocrisies written into his character, which is not a bad thing, it's character building and it's great to read about, because it makes him human. But between Darrow being an unreliable narrator and Virginia almost pulling a Nero on House Bellona and regretting it deeply enough to cry, everyone is convinced Cassius has no holes in his cape.

And Reaper forbid I say something remotely critiquing the golden boy, the entire fandom jumps down my throat. I do think that hypocrisy is what draws my criticism most, but that does not mean I dislike Cassius, nor do I hate him.

Cassius still has room for development and I believe he can get there and will be interesting to read. I even thought we would get his pov, which I would have liked. I feel we need to see him through more perspectives, because he feels like an incomplete puzzle at the moment.

I haven't even spoken much about Cassius lately, I spoke about Darrow's guilt complex affecting his judgement, his choices and his perceptions. In the tags mostly. Because in GS, Darrow's guilt complex flares and indeed makes Cassius into someone I don't recognize as Cassius. No, I don't believe he is a better man than Darrow and I don't believe he would make a better hero. Darrow thinking the opposite does not make it true.

And I said all of that because it pains me to see Darrow in this state, when he has been through so much, sacrificed so much and will endure even worse. He feels alone, unloved, stranger. And somehow, he came to the conclusion that Cassius is everything he cannot be? 🤨

I also understand why Cassius is the way he is in GS and I can understand him in MS as well. His progress makes sense and I appreciated Pierce Brown for not ass-pulling a redemption arc.

However, Dark Age was emotionally draining as fuck. I have no space for Cassius, who failed to notice Lysander's needs or even his darker nature (if Vindabona did not do it, nothing can), coming to Darrow and hesitating while on duty. I am not here for Cassius' pet project. I said it openly before, Cassius was not there when Alex was murdered, when Heliopolis was flooded with blood - I don't have time for whatever he wants to do with Lysander, unless it's killing him or taking him to Darrow alive and in chains. That same thing goes for whoever else is in the same position - no time, no hesitation.

4. I think I may have said that Cassius seems to be essence without substance if that was what you meant, but...the text supports this interpretation up to a point. All he has is potential, that he is wasting. And while grief is powerful, he still makes bad choices under the guise of honour, but are not in fact honorable. Towards the end of Morning Star he seems to realise what honour is, but we see some concrete proof in Iron Gold. This is when we see him with substance.

5. How can you say I hate on Cassius, but then come with hate for Victra and ask me why I don't hate her? If you like Cassius so much, why do you need me to hate on Victra? Why do you need Darrow's guilt complex to be something good, when it eats at him and is completely different from empathy?

Cassius went against Octavia because he saw solid proof of Octavia killing House Bellona members and blaming it on the Sons of Ares. And loyalty to Darrow came in Dark Age, if we use your logic.

Victra is very tired and very pregnant in Iron Gold and she's missing her husband coming home parade for protests. Which she listens to. Which she gives in for. And when she goes home, she complains about it and jokes her mother would have killed them all and that was why she was faster. And in Dark Age, Paxton confirms how all Julii Barca staff are treated - which is great. Also, Dark Age still highlights her mean streak and dark humour - she's a bitch always has been, but not a malicious one.

Victra's loyalty was forever, since she sworm herself to Darrow and stood in Attica with him. She wanted vengeance, that was her cause, but she would still join the Howlers and fight and protect her comrades. That was her loyalty. Her flaws - she always thought she was too wicked to be worthy of love, she has a mean streak, she burns hot and impulsive.

I was the first to express disappointment when she went rogue and non contact in Iron Gold. I was among the first to criticise her choices. To call out fans who thought she had a brain transplant with Virginia when her actions were wrong, on paper and in plain sight. I have criticised her before, search her tag.

Comparing her to Cassius is impossible, because she is herself and Cassius is his own self. And comparison is not going to get anywhere on this subject.

Anyway, I recommed you block unwanted content from now on. I used to be frutrated by what I believed to be inaccurate, but it was a me problem entirely. My content is for me mostly, so please do block me if you dislike my takes on your faves.

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aroaceconfessions · 2 years

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I'm an aroace girl. The thing is, I just find myself connecting deeply with wlw. Like, I feel a profound disconnect to straight people, which is fairly normal I guess since I'm not straight, but also to men in general. I do have some male friends but all of them are queer and we're not that close. All the friends I actually hang out with on a regular basis are queer women. And I don't know why. I don't make it a criteria, every time I make a friend she just turns out to be queer, including my childhood friends that I met in kindergarten, before any of us had any idea what it even meant to be queer. I mainly want friends who won't be obsessed with sex and romance so it makes sense that 2/5 of my closest friends are ace and the rest know not to bother me about it but I just cannot figure out why I never make straight friends. I am utterly bored by love stories in general but somehow wlw ones feel less... wrong ? Like, I still cannot relate to the feelings shown and described, I don't wish I were in the shoes of either characters involved but a deep emotional connection to a woman just resonates with me deeply and I have a hard time imagining that with a man, or even a straight woman. Do I just not vibe with the amatonormativity I associate with straight people and the unhealthy concept of masculinity drilled into men's heads ? That wouldn't explain why I don't connect as much with the flamboyant queer men among my friends.

Like, whenever I'm enjoying a show with a female protagonist then I always want her to not have a romance but if the romance seems inevitable then I always root for her to get with another woman.

It's actually the reason I thought I was a lesbian for three years. I saw a lesbian romance on screen for the first time and got invested in it. And since I'd never been invested in a love story before I thought it meant I was gay.

And, weirdly, it's the opposite with sex. I'm neutral to sex in general, repulsed by the very thought of my involvement in it but seeing sex scenes between men bothers me less than straight ones and even less than lesbian ones.

So basically, I'm very confused and I was wondering if anyone had a similar experience.

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #wlw #friends #friendship

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strawberryclumsy · 2 years

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Care (Hunter x Reader)

(Y/N) is a 15 year old who comes from a troubled family. When their family cannot provide for them anymore, the Emperor as a family friend opens his arms for a new child into his Care...

-TRIGGER WARNING-

Mentions/Descriptions of abuse (Physical, Emotional, and Mental)

Gore

Depictions of neglect

Suicide/Self harm mentions/Thoughts

Note: Characters of the owl house are not mine nor are any of the photos, only the story is mine

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Chapter 2: Finally!

Pairing: Hunter x GNReader

Word Count: 1257

Notes: Good evening, apologies if the updates are slow. I'm in high school and doing an Ap class as well as obsessing over my schedule for my junior year. I sincerely apologize about choosing the coven for you guys, it would be one thing if not all coven magic had different ways of usage as well as if there wasn't going to be as much of fighting in this book as there is going to be. I know that the teaching seems rushed, I have no idea how the magic is technically taught in the Boiling Isles. But I do hope you're enjoying the book so far! Have a good rest of your day/night :)————————————————————————

I'm awoken by rustling in the room, I groggily sit up and look around. "I didn't mean to wake you" I jump and whip my head to the voice, it was just Hunter. "My titan, you scared me." I say, as he moves to sit in front of me. "Sorry" Hunter says as he grabs something out of his pocket, "Emperor Belos asked me to give this to you, apparently he wants you to join the emperors coven." He explains, "but, he realized that you probably don't know how to do magic." He adds, I'm confused until I realize that Belos used to talk to my family. He probably knew that I and my sister weren't allowed to learn magic. "So what did he propose?" I ask Hunter, Hunter hands me the paper, "I don't know, I'm assuming it's in this paper, I need to get ready for a mission, have fun with whatever you do." He says, I nod and open the paper.

' Hello (Y/n),

I'm assuming you do not know how to do any magic which will be a problem if you want to join the emperors coven. I have set up a time for you to go and meet a personal trainer that I hand picked. Her name is Rowan, meet her in the woods at 3:00pm.'

I read the note and look around for a clock. I spot one on top of the desk and get up to read it. It read 1:42pm, I look around for my suitcase and find it, opening it and grabbing a change of clothes. I stand back up to locate a bathroom, the door was cracked and had a note on it that read:

'This is the bathroom, I'm assuming you knew that already but while we're sharing a room, we'll use this room to change'

I read the note and softly knock before walking in. I shut the door and change my clothes, fix my hair and brush my teeth. My mind roamed with excitement, I'd always wanted to learn magic but my parents always said it was too dangerous. Once I exit the bath room, I sit back on the pallet. I check the clock again, it read 2:13pm. What am I going to do for 47 minutes? I look around the room and spot another sticky note.

'Feel free to read any of the books on this shelf, just make sure to keep the place tidy'

I smile and take the sticky note off the shelf, scanning the titles of the books, I grab one that peaks my interest and sit down to read it.

————————————————————————

Flipping the page, I look over at the clock to check the time and notice that it's 2:54. I scramble and throw the book on the ground while grabbing my shoes, walking out the door, I look around. The hallways are long and narrow as I look around for the exit. Noticing the big door, I walk towards it turning around I find the exit. I walk out to head towards the forest, as I get closer I hear rustling in the bushes and I start to pick up speed, eventually I come to a clearing and look around spotting a woman who was skimming through a book.

"Excuse me? I'm looking for Rowan." I say as the woman turns her head towards me. "Yes I am Rowan, Are you the witch I am meant to teach?" I nod as get closer to her. She gives a soft smile while I stand fidgeting, "I heard you had never used magic. Is this correct?" Rowan asks, I give a yes and she moves to try and find something.

I look around to find a spot to sit, moving I sit over near Rowan who was still rummaging through her stuff.

As I trace patterns in the grass, Rowan let's out a gasp of achievement and looks down at me. She sits across from me while holding an old book, "This is the book you'll be using for a while, I'll give you the basics." Rowan explains, I smile and nod. "First I'll show you how to do a simple spell circle using a light spell." Rowan then draws a circle through the air while the area lights up, an orb of light is made as it floats. "That's so cool!" I say with excitement, Rowan giggles as she pulls the book towards her. Opening the book, dust puffs into the air, I move back as Rowan waves her hand through the air causing the dust to dissipate.

"This is such an old book, I haven't used this in years." Rowan exclaims as I smile brighter, "Do many people go to personal trainers to learn magic?" I ask, Rowan shakes her head no, "where do they go then? I ask, "Hexside, A school that's ruled by the covens. Personal trainers are more for people who are struggling in Hexside, you're my first student who has never even interacted with magic before" Rowan explains, my eyes widen as I ask why I'm not just enrolled into Hexside, "No idea, most likely to get more one on one practice than in a class" Rowan explains, I nod and look down at the book, the words and diagrams sorta smudged and pages torn in places.

"Do you know what causes us witches to be able to do magic?" Rowan asks, I nod and say "It's a sack attached to our hearts", Rowan nods and wipes off the book, making the words more clear. "The spell I used earlier was a light spell, a very basic spell, you'll learn this before you pick the type of coven magic you want to learn." Rowan explains, I nod and straighten myself up as I listen to what Rowan says. "The circle is a key part of casting a spell..."

————————————————————————

As Rowan makes a circle one more, I copy her movements while silently praying that this will work. As I start making the circle, it starts to respond to my actions, I get excited but try to focus on what I am trying to make. The light in my face is bright as an orb of pure light appears in the middle of the now gone circle.

"I did it!" I cheer as my face turns into and expression of pure joy. Rowan quietly claps as she smiles at me. "Good job, now that you have the basics, you can choose what magic you'd want to learn. Before that though, do know that if you are looking to join the Emperors Coven you are allowed to learn and do all kinds of magic unlike those who choose the other covens", my face turns into confusion as I ask a question, "Why and how would I be prohibited by using other kinds of magic?" "You get a coven brand once you join, it causes the person who has it to only use the kind of magic that is in that coven. Although they do have access to basic spells like the light one you just learned" Rowan tells me as she lifts her sleeve to show some type of tattoo

I think before nodding, "alright, here are the 'tracks' you can choose to focus on, there is Abomination, Bard, Beast Keeping, Construction, Healing, Illusion, Oracle, Plant, and Potions. Do remember that you can still learn the others, I just want you to focus on one." I nod and think.

I choose the Bard track.

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#hunter the golden guard #golden guard #hunter x reader #golden guard x reader #owl house #the owl house

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shirophantomvox · 3 years

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Analyzing Illumi Zoldyck's Character

Chrollo Analysis | Hisoka Analysis | Killua Analysis

What’s up y’all! Sorry for being away for the last few days. I needed a break from social media because I am so tired of seeing toxic, self-righteous people on my TL. Anyway, quite a lot of you liked my posts about analyzing HxH characters and somehow comparing them to VLD characters. Today, I’ll be talking about Illumi Zoldyck and I’ll try to compare him to a Voltron character. I know many people have already analyzed this character before, but it wouldn’t hurt to add to the discussion some years later. If you want me to write about anything else, send me an ask! The formatting of this post may be different than the one I wrote about Hisoka Morrow (click his name to view that post).

HERE WE GO!

In the first season, all of the characters are contestants for the Hunter’s Exam. I say contestants because this is a contest to see who can win without any injuries and can keep up with each host. I forget what number stage they were at, but I do know they were at the stage where each opponent has to fight each other. They are declared the winner if their opponent forfeits or gives up mid-match. (Off-topic, but) I am going, to be honest; Gon was my favorite character but his flaws began to show, annoyed me, and later led to his horrific downfall (based from YouTube clips). He didn’t know when to stop and kept pushing himself over the limit. Anyway, Killua and Gittarackur are set to fight. This is when things take a turn for the worse.

Gittarackur is a form of a disguise for Illumi to mask his identity. His face is long; nearly (and reminds me of) in the shape of a Tiki. His face also reminds me of the Witch Doctor mask from Scooby-Doo and Hell-raiser. He has several pins stuck in his face to maintain the facial features of Gittarackur. On the flip side, if he removes the pins, his biological form is revealed. Once he does this, Killua is nearly paralyzed; he cannot believe his eyes and I’m sure the trauma he endured at home hit him like a sack of rocks. Illumi then tells Killua that he wants him to return home, that he cannot maintain a friendship with Gon, stated that he was going to kill Gon, but realizes that if he does so he will be disqualified and will not obtain his Hunter’s license.

I’m assuming the cops aren’t a thing in this reality and the only way for them to “destroy” under the law is by obtaining the license. What do you think? I rarely see police officers; all I see are the Mafia and every they suck compared to the Zoldyck's and the Phantom Troupe. Shit, it seems like they’re the police but have twisted motives.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a fictional character or not, first impressions matter and he bombed this one...even for a villain.

But you did this for what?

How can you hypnotize (by using Nen) your own brother into killing another opponent because he doesn’t want to become an emotionless zombie like you? At least, that’s my perception. Telling your brother to run every time he faces an opponent that he knows he cannot win against is the sickest shit I’ve ever seen. I know I’m jumping around but another thought popped into my head. As the seasons go on, Illumi expresses an odd way of loving his younger brother and to him, that means to make him suffer in the same way he had to. It seems like Illumi is jealous of Gon in a way. (I’ve seen clips on YouTube) Killua takes Alluka to the hospital to heal Gon. Illumi has stated several times to Hisoka that Killua was hiding rules from him and that he still wanted to get rid of Alluka. Although it is clearly stated why he wanted Alluka gone, I still think that Illumi was jealous of Gon simply because his younger brother preferred to be with a friend instead of him. This is why he emphasizes “You cannot have friends. Either they will betray you or you’ll betray them.”

As I read and watched as the seasons went on, I noticed something about Illumi and his family. We all know that the children were raised by their parents. Specifically, their dad is a trained assassin. I can’t remember but I think Zeno is their grandfather who is also an assassin.

I view him as a character that has suffered from abuse and trauma in order to mold him into an assassin. He is emotionless, doesn’t really care for others, has an odd relationship with Killua that he doesn’t have for his other siblings, and is a hypocrite. Killua can’t be friends with Gon but every time the show cuts to him, he’s with Hisoka? Something is fishy there. Are they more than friends? OK, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Here's the physical analysis below.

Face

When masquerading as Gittarackur, his face has several pins in them and his hair is in a rock star form of Mohawk that is purple. I’ll give him 10/10 for uniqueness, yet it still reminded me of Hell Raiser.

I’ve noticed that when he is in public he is in costume. Why doesn’t he reveal himself in public? I’ve researched this and no one could answer this question. My guess is that he is a verified hunter and assassin. How can you carry out your missions if everyone knows what you look like? Without the pins in his face, it reverts back to his natural state. To me, his large eyes and long, shiny black hair are his distinguished features. Although he may be my least favorite character, he does have pretty eyes. Haven’t you all heard of “I got lost in his/her eyes”?

Yeah, that can be said about him. Most definitely. He rarely smiles and when he does, something BAD is going to happen. I saw him laugh crazily once Alluka began the healing process, the Nen (I guess) rose from the hospital and got on him. This scene reminds me of how Haggar reacted once the Komar’s quintessence bounced from Voltron and bounced onto her. Wow, these supernatural abilities make y’all feel that good?

Clothes

Gittarackur and Illumi wear the same clothes, which should be a clear giveaway that they are the same. Illumi wears a neural green short jacket that has yellow pins in them, a light green shirt underneath, and green pants. His shoes remind me of loafers with a heel on them, something my grandmother would wear.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say again, these bad-ass men in this show are very stylish and seem to be in shape more than I am. Although Illumi irks me, his fashion is great and this is why people prefer him to be their favorite character. Shows should always produce characters that are memorable; that is the key to a long-lasting fan base.

In conclusion, this anime (for the most part) has well-rounded characters that make the plot interesting and wanting more.

Illumi and Lotor are somewhat similar. They both grew up in abusive households and lost some sense of sensitivity, common sense, and were often “misguided” by their own selfishness. Illumi wants a better life for Killua by constantly brainwashing him into thinking that he cannot have friends and his can only find happiness through killing. Zarkon raises Lotor to be a prince that shouldn't work with planets and should destroy them. This explains why he used deceased Alteans from the colony, drained their quintessence, and didn't give them a proper burial. Lotor IS just like his father but Killua IS NOT like Illumi. Ironic, huh? As we all know by now, Lotor is the son of Honerva (Haggar) and Zarkon. After the rift accident, he became an emotionless, ruthless monster that colonized and destroyed planets just to gain their quintessence. He taught this to his son and once he was old enough to think for himself, he refused to act in such a way. Although he was exiled and said he wasn’t like Zarkon, he was; but worse. Lotor studied and gained knowledge about Altea and its people while using Allura to gain the secrets of Oriande. I say he used her because he knew from the moment he met her that he was harvesting Altean quintessence. While fighting the white lion, he yelled “Victory or Death” which is a common catchphrase the Galra use when they are in battle. In fact, the Galra have been victims of trauma from Zarkon. Zarkon’s ruthless ways of ruling had no other motive except for obtaining quintessence so he could live forever. Silva’s way of raising his children was done to mold them into assassins. Since he was taught this way he did the same thing to his children. Zarkon, Silva, and Zeno think that their ways of parenting are necessary for survive in life when it doesn’t have to be that way. Illumi and Lotor have experienced this horrific parenting and deal with it in different ways. Illumi is oddly obsessive of his younger brother and Lotor is a fucking liar.

This analysis was fun! Next, I’ll be analyzing Killua and Keith Kogane.

If you’d like to see more posts like this, send me an ASK!

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freaky-writer-writes · 3 years

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TBHK x reader | Mitsuba headcanons

Character: Mitsuba Sousuke

Fandom: TBHK

Pronouns: They/them // Gender neutral

Warnings: Mentions of death, slight angst (?), manga spoilers

A/N: I recently rewatched TBHK with my friendo because I finished reading the last chapter and cannot wait for the next chapter/season 2 eek /pos. Anyways I’m like really obsessed with Mitsuba? He’s a precious bby like sjdhbe. I’m gay for him Istg /hj.

Summary: What dating Mitsuba Sousuke would be like, and how did you handle his death, and confessing!!

• Ah yes

• Here we go with the angst~

• I would say that you and Mitsuba were really close, and still are!

• He would let you hold his camera and sometimes take pictures ACKDH

• You’re the only person he’s actually being nice to and not going full attack/tsundere mode

• Of course, he does that sometimes but you know that he don’t mean it

• Actually, you think it’s quite cute!

• Literally everytime you flirt with him, he would try to insult you and be a fucking tsundere aaa

.........

......

• He seemed like a very nice guy the first time you met him

• He’s the one who asked you to be friends (of course)

• When both of you slowly got closer and closer, he slowly also showed his real self

• Aka bullying you, insulting, etc.

• Though you knew why

• He have told you before why he has to act more nicely

• You thought it was understandable, and quite sad

• So whenever he insulted you, you really didn’t get too much thought into it

• Then the winter came

• Oh boy

// Manga spoilers starts here, and angst!! //

• It was his mother’s birthday

• When he told you at school, you wanted him to give her some flowers you bought for her

• You and his mother were actually close, despite you being his only (possibly?) first best friend

“Sure, I’m also gonna make curry, she loves it.. Maybe I can put the flowers in a vase on the table for decoration, thanks, (Y/N).”

“Of course! You know how to make curry right? You don’t need my help?”

“I’ve made curry before, I don’t need help, it’s gonna be fine.”

• That was the biggest cap ever

• Anyways

• I actually cried at that chapter-

• You were in call with him when he was making curry

• It seemed like he did fine

• You just had to remind him of a few things

• “Where’s the potato’s?”

• “Agh, crap I forgot them. Should I go out to buy some? The grocery store is not that far away.”

• “It’s fine without it, there’s no need. Besides, it’s cold outside and dark.”

• “It’s her birthday, I have to do it. I’ll call you back when I get home”

• “No, wait-“

• Before you knew it, it all ended

• You believed in him, maybe he would be fine

• Right?

• Though, you never received a call from him after that

• But when his mother called you, telling you about the news, you broke down

• You were devastated, and sad and frustrated

• Only if you could have done better

• Only if you were there to stop him instead of just telling him through a stupid call

• “You dumb dumb, everything just for the stupid potato’s...”

//Manga spoilers and angst end!!//

............

.......

• After a few months has passed, there was a new rumor going around saying a voice of a boy would grab your hands by the entrance of the school asking “Do you remember me?”

• You didn’t really think much about it, considering being rumors spreading around the school like everyday

• But when you arrived at the school enterance to place your shoes, there it was

• You saw a shadowy figure grabbing your arm and saying the following words: “Hey, do you remember me?”

• You were panicking, you shut the locker up and pushed the figure away from you (just pretend you can touch Mitsuba even though he’s a ghost JAHDBE)

• Then you saw a slightly tall boy, pink hair, feminine look, with a school uniform

• “The hell?!..” You realized who it was, you walked slowly towards the boy to get a closer look

• “M...Mitsuba?!” You said in relief and jumped on top of him, so happy to see him

• “Hey!! I get it I’m a cute little ghost but that doesn’t give you permission to touch me, you pervert!”

• “It really is you! Dear god, aren’t you dead?!!” Not caring about what he said, you looked at him in the eyes with tears of happiness streaming down your cheeks

• “I am dead, idiot. Can you get off me now? You’re going to make my clothes wet.” He exclaimed, rudely

• You nodded as you wiped off your tears

• After everything got settled and explained, you thought it was nice to have your best friend back

• You loved him a lot, he was so dear to your heart

• By loved him, you still do

• You both hanged out a lot again

• He would sometimes join your classes and keep you entertained or just insult you for whatever god knows

• Though you liked that he would be with you

• It was nice being with your ghost friend again

• You were so goddamn happy Istg

• Anyhow, after a few months, you decided to confess

• It was dumb asking someone like him out, besides, he’s a ghost

• You knew it would never work, considering him being a ghost

• But it would never hurt to try though, right?

• But little did you know, Mitsuba actually also has a crush on you

• He's just.... Not the type to show it correctly kind of-

• You notice that he blush a lot whenever he's around you, but didn't really give in too much thought to it

• He never had the urge to confess unlike you, he was too scared and nervous

• He got so suprised and happy when you asked him though, but he of course still acted like a tsundere

• You met him in the usual place, the rooftop after school

• Both just chatted and chilling iykyk

When you suddenly go "Hey.. Uhm... Mitsuba? I was meaning to tell you something."

"What is it now, (Y/N)?"

"I don't know how to put it but... I like you, like a lot."

"Of course you do, I mean who wouldn't like an adorable cute ghost like me?"

"No- I'm serious. I like LIKE you."

*A moment of silence then he started harassing you about it for a moment*

"Hah. Anyways, that's... Very unfortunate. Yeah, yeah... I like you too I guess, it's nothing much.."

• Your heart go brrr

• Anyways, you got so happy and started hopping around and hugging him

• "H-Hey!! Just because I said that doesn't mean you can touch me, you pervert!"

• You know he likes it depending on the facial expression ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

• Overall, you both are the cutest couple!!!

• No one really knew about it except Yashiro, Kou and Hanako (Of course)

• I mean, no one could really understand except them-

• Yashiro be like "All these ghosts, and I still can't get a boo-"

• AHAHS ANYWAYS

• Y'all would probably wait a little for kisses until you both get comfortable

• BUT when you do kiss, it's so cute and wholesome

• They're pretty short, wouldn't go THAT far

• Short but passionate if you're feeling up to it though hehehsjbe

• It's pretty much just a peck on the lips, although you COULD get into a make out session but that's rare-

• He would act like a tsundere after kisses

• "Hahaha!!! I know you just fell in love with me because of my cuteness, and now you just want to attack me like this! You big pervert!"

• But he adores the kisses on the inside

• It warms his heart

• ALSO YOU GUYS CUDDLE LIKE A LOT

• Literally wherever no one can see both of you

• Just cuddle

• He's the smol spoon obviously

• He likes being held by you even though he's not good at showing it

• He's the big spoon though if you're feeling down or something like that

• He doesn't mind being the big one either, it just kinda fits him more yk?

• Anyways,, I will probably make a part 2 of this because this is getting WAY too long ^^;

#TBHK #Toilet bound hanako kun #TBHK x reader #TBHK fanfiction #Mitsuba sousuke #Mitsuba sousuke x reader #Mitsuba x reader #Sousuke x reader #Mitsuba Sousuke fanfiction #Fanfiction #Slight angst #Fluff

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darkurgediary · 3 years

Text

Two Worlds, Two Hearts: Chapter Five

Summary: News of Jareth's disappearance affects Sarah in ways she didn't expect, and brings on a new wave of conflicting emotion.

Warning(s): complicated relationships, creepy nightmare (which is all italicized so it'll be easy for anyone to skip over), and Ludo tears! If I missed anything please let me know!

-------------------

The Labyrinth was crumbling.

Jareth was missing.

And now Ludo was crying with such an intensity the ground started to shake.

Hoggle didn’t know how much more of this he could take. The dwarf wove his way through withered hedges till he came upon Ludo, the great beast brought to his knees, thick tears streamed down his face, and a pitiful cry lurched from his throat. Sir Didymus stood before him with tiny paws rested on Ludo’s forearm. Uncharacteristically quiet in the face of his brother’s pain.

“Sarwah,” Ludo’s lower lip wobbled and he tried desperately to pull a string of snot back up his nose, when such an attempt failed, he instead wiped his face on his left forearm.

Hoggle grumbled to himself but still decided to ask, “whats tha matter with'em?”

Sir Didymus perked his ears, looking to Hoggle with a defeated express, “Sir Ludo claims to have seen young maiden over that way.”

The dwarf glanced in the indicated direction, just as he'd thought, no one was there. Hoggle even approached the area and walked around it. Like he was trying to prove to Ludo that his eyes had played a cruel trick on him. Hoggle understood it though, to a degree. Ludo claiming to see Sarah became a common occurrence over the years. Each time, it was harder and harder to explain to Ludo it wasn't real.

“If she ain't been back already then she ain't never comin' b-”

A whisper carried in the breeze and cut him off, “Ludo...”

Curved horns raised from the ground as brown eyes widened, and basset-hound shaped ears desperately searched for the sound.

Sir Didymus behaved in a similar manner, his bushy tail swishing side to side in a blonde blur, “My lady!”

Hoggle whirled around, eyes wide as dinner plates. He stumbled back and fell into the dirt. Gazing up at the translucent image of a woman standing over him. Tall, with long black hair, and pale-green eyes. Hoggle rubbed his eyes but still, the haunting presence lingered like a ghost in a graveyard.

If he’d been by himself he would have discredited it easier. With Ludo and Sir Didymus in his company, not even he could deny the sight of the specter before him.

“S...S'it really you?” desperation clung to his words, along with a loneliness he'd kept buried deep.

The image of Sarah looked around, confused at first, and then she saw him.

Hoggle tried to swallow the knot in his throat as he extended a shaky hand towards her. The thin image of her flickered, and upon contact, Sarah disappeared again.

-----

“Sarah?”

She didn’t look up from the floor, focused on the arguably-ugly patterned carpet like it offended her. Sarah was at her wits end. First she had a Spriggan to deal with and now a Fiery of all things! She didn't even want to think about Jareth, Toby's claim of him missing affected her in ways she didn't understand.

Her name was called again, “Sarah.”

The tick of a clock brought her senses back one by one, slowly, she raised her head. Tired eyes shifted to the old fashioned clock nestled on the corner of the wooden desk. Sarah set her sights on the coffee table next where a teacup sat in front of her. It's contents long abandoned, the liquid just as cold as the blood in her veins.

“You drifted off,” a melodic scratch of pencil against paper mixed with the question, “where did you go just then?”

Sarah studied him for a moment, Dr. Zakar looked more like an Oxford Professor than a therapist. His brown suit was freshly pressed and his shoes polished. Red hair slicked back save for the few strands hanging just about his brow. Black, thick framed glasses obscured his eyes so she couldn't look directly into them.

A lie would do little for her, yet Sarah couldn't find it in herself to give him the truth. Not the whole truth anyway. He would call the whole incident a wild hallucination.

“I don’t know,” She admitted. Leaning forward to drop her head in her hands with a sigh, “I’m sorry. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

He set aside the notepad, giving her his full attention, “Another nightmare?”

“No,” Sarah managed to compose herself. Without realizing it, she started to gnaw on her thumb nail.

“Remember that my job is not to judge you, Sarah. I am here to help encourage you through your struggles. You already have everything you need to conquer them,” Zakar explained calmly, recognizing the anxious habit. “That being said, I cannot give you any guidance if I don’t know the root of the problem.”

He had a point, she couldn’t deny that. As the events of the previous night played in her head like a broken record Sarah wondered where to even begin. It all spiraled out of control in a way she could barely process.

“Last night I found out someone I knew was…” the words trailed off into tense silence. Did she mention the Spriggan and the Fiery or leave it at that? “Missing. He went missing and honestly? I don’t know how I feel.”

“It sounds as though this person left quite an impact on you, I take it you were close?” His inquiry was laced both with concern and caution, showing his condolences but not wanting to further upset her.

“It was complicated, and it was a long time ago. We were different people then. I knew him without really knowing him,” Sarah clenched her hands tight in her lap, “some part of me feels like I should be worried, like I should run through every worst case scenario. What if something bad happened? What if he’s hurt? But...”

Zakar tilted his head, “another part says otherwise?”

“It’s been fifteen years since we last saw each other. I wouldn’t even know what to say if I saw him again,” Sarah rubbed her temples and groaned, dark brows pulling together.

The clock on his desk chimed twice.

A frown pulled his features, “It seems we’ve reached the end of our session. Though I want you to know, Sarah. You will overcome this grief. Nothing has to be resolved tomorrow, there is a lot to process, and even more to work through. Go home and paint your frustrations, or write them down. Anything to get them out.”

As Sarah left the office she noticed the air felt significantly lighter than it had before she went in, Dr. Zakar’s parting advice stuck with her. She hated how much she thought of Jareth. Even before the news of him missing, the Goblin King often dwelled in a dark corner of her mind. If Jareth wasn’t in the Underground then where else could he possibly be? Sarah started her car and focused on the road ahead.

Upon return to her apartment, the last bits of anxiety washed away as the sound of whimpers and nails against hardwoods echoed behind the door. Sarah didn’t realize how much she missed having a dog till Gwendolyn came into her life. “Hey pretty girl,” Sarah cooed once the door opened Kneeling down to greet her three legged companion. Gwendolyn was a five year old pitbull with a coat the color of caramel and big brown eyes. Sarah’s heart went out to the pup, who came from a hard life on the streets. She felt like she couldn’t leave the shelter without her.

Sarah scratched behind her ears and paused as she set her keys down on the kitchen counter. She stepped towards the half finished painting, the one she’d done the instant she woke from her dream. At first she’d been in the forest with Hoggle, Ludo, and Sir Didymus in her company. Then the forest fell into a sea of white and silver. Sarah shuddered as the details haunted her:

She descended into a broken ballroom. Once pristine chairs and tables were thrown to various parts of the room, scuffed, bent, and broken. Shattered glass and glitter covered the floor, save for a bare circle where Sarah stood in the center of the room. Dawning the white princess dress she’d worn fifteen years ago. Frantic eyes took everything in as her head whipped around. Dancers laid sprawled over one another like puppets with their strings cut.

Except for him.

His name left her tongue barely above a whisper, “Jareth.”

Rather than address her, the Goblin King stood frozen. The dark mask with twisted horns remained against his face, hiding his eyes from her. In an unusual motion he reached a hand out for her. Though he didn’t move in the same fluid, captivating way he had before. Instead Jareth moved like an old toy being wound up for the first time in forever. A crystal appeared in his hand, and his last words echoed around her.

“I ask for so little.”

He stepped towards her.

“Just fear me,”

Another step.

“Love me,”

Sarah retreated with each advancement, eyes wide, and skin white as a sheet. Whatever defiant remark she had ready to shout at him died on her tongue. Jareth loomed over her now, her back flat against the wall. She had nowhere to run.

Forced to look into vacant eyes as he sounded so defeated.

“Do as I say and I-”

Gwendolyn whimpered beside her, gently butting her head against Sarah’s leg.

Black curtains cascaded down her back as she turned to look at her companion, Sarah gave her a sad smile and smoothed a hand down her neck, “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

Sarah looked back at the expression she’d been so desperate to capture. Why should she be worried about Jareth? Why did her heart absolutely ache at the thought of him cold, alone, and hurt? Her hand started to reach for his half painted cheek but something stopped her. Sarah bit her lip in wonder as the idea of calling him raised to the surface.

With a small shake of the head, Sarah covered it, and tried to bury any other thoughts of him away for the time being. She had other things to focus on. The Spriggan, the Fiery, and Toby’s growing obsession with the Labyrinth. She took one final glance at the painting, “Where are you Jareth?”

———————

Previous | Next

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Taglist:

@faeriexqueen

@tangentasilem

@withinthecrystal

@purplesigebert

#labyrinth #labyrinth fanfiction #labyrinth fic #labyrinth fandom #sarah williams #jareth the goblin king #toby williams #ludo #hoggle #sir didymus #my writing #writers on tumblr #two worlds two hearts

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chibimyumi · 4 years

Note

Dear Chibimyumi, this is a rather odd question but do you think O!Ciel sometimes forgets he's a child? Because he says he wants to be seen as an adult...but I don't know if people actually see him as an adult or just a child who is mature for his age. I apologize for not explaining this well..

Dear Anon,

The Victorian Era was obsessed with manhood and unkind to all who weren’t “proper men”. That society would not miss out on any chance to remind O!Ciel of his “““sub-man””” status, let alone allow him a second to forget it.

It is not for nothing that he wears high heels in a vain attempt to be taken seriously. Even in 2020 men would receive much ridicule for wearing ‘women’s shoes (even though high heels were invented by men FOR men), let alone in the 1880s. But to O!Ciel, I think he rather be judged for ‘effeminate fashion senses’ than to be seen as a little child.

It is only those who feel like they have something to prove (whether it is justified or not is another story) who would be so aggressive about this ‘thing’ they wish to prove. Think of macho masculinity for example... truly confident men have no need to puff up. In Grell’s case, because people don’t believe that she’s a woman she feels like she has ‘something to prove’. So, to ““compensate”” for her male-coded body she therefore aggressively uses hyper feminine speech.

In O!Ciel’s case of course, he is for all intents and purposes a child, and therefore he does actually have something to prove. Whenever he says he is ‘not a child’, all people might do for him is shut up to prevent further provocation. And O!Ciel must know very well that people only spare him further comments because of his exceptionally noble status. He must know all the better that if he really were and adult, he’d never have to wear heels. (I count myself lucky that he never attempted wearing a fake mustache.)

Throughout the manga O!Ciel consistently does not get taken seriously because of 1. literally being a child, and 2. looking even younger than he factually is. Even though status wise he ranks much higher than Sir Randall, the latter still refers to him as a ‘cunning brat’, with much emphasis on the ‘brat’ part. Even O!Ciel’s allies refer to him as a child, with notable examples being Sebastian and Lau.

Sebastian and Lau know very well that calling the Earl a ‘child’ or a ‘brat’ stings the most, because O!Ciel couldn’t even defend himself without spouting an objective lie. In chapter 39 for example, Lau introduced O!Ciel to a stranger as ‘little child’, and though O!Ciel refutes the ‘little’, he did not deny the ‘child’ part.

The most beautiful ‘backup’ Sebas and Lau have is ‘The One and Only Royal Majesty the Queen Almighty’ herself. Every time the Queen addresses O!Ciel she calls him ‘cute boy’. (可愛い坊や・Kawaii Bouya). This ‘bouya’ in Japanese is used solely for VERY young boys; boys a bit older (12+) are usually referred to as ‘shounen’ (young man). The fact that even his boss calls O!Ciel ‘boy’ means that there’s only so much he can do to tell people they’re wrong. If he went too aggressive about it, he would be implying that the Queen is ‘wrong’ too, after all. And he can’t criticise the Queen!!!

Duty vs Right

So, does O!Ciel sometimes forget he is a child?

I think a very important thing about O!Ciel is that he is hyper focused on his duty to the Queen and to his own revenge. I think he probably does realise that his duty is not something that would be fair to make any other child bear, but at the same time he also cannot convince himself to ‘indulge’ in his right as a child to live at peace. Not to mention, Sebas won’t allow him.

In the Circus Arc O!Ciel wasn’t even allowed a small break to recover from his triggered trauma. He moped for probably not even a few minutes and Sebas already tried to shame his master for being triggered and ‘threaten him out of trauma’ again. Trash Demon™ really takes fighting fire with fire quite literally.

Though Sebas is unforgivably abusive towards O!Ciel, he is also walking evidence for the boy that he is very worthy of respect. As explained extensively in this analysis, Sebas does not see his master any differently from older humans. Sebas judges somebody by their actions, not their identity. Though it had been a long road towards achieving mutual respect, O!Ciel did learn that the respect his butler has for him is truly earned.

O!Ciel is a strategist; his ability to play the cards he has been dealt is amazing. It is likewise because he knows he is a child, that he can use this card also in his favour when need be.

Conclusion

I think O!Ciel knows painfully well that he is a child and the social implications that come with it. He just doesn’t know what being a child is supposed to mean for him personally. Should he live his right as a child but be considered “sub-man”, or should he “grow up” to prove his worth? All in all it is not so weird, because in crisis some children are forced to mentally ‘grow up’ as a survival mechanism. These children never forget they are children; they might just not know what ‘normalcy’ is for a child. It would be reasonable to say this is exactly what happened to O!Ciel.

When he says “I am not a child” he does not mean “I am not underage”. I think he means: “take me as seriously as you would an adult.” As discussed before in this post, a strong thematic of this series is “you are who you prove yourself to be”. He knows he is more than what people give children credit for, and he wants that to be acknowledged.

Our Ciel is SUCH a well written character, I love him with all my heart.

#A love letter to O!Ciel #O!Ciel #Our Ciel #Ciel Phantomhive #Analysis #Character study #Character Analysis #Bocchan #Kuroshitsuji #Black Butler

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anyarally · 3 years

Text

Sanders Sides Secret Santa Gift!

@sanderssidesgiftxchange

For: @authorgirl0131 Wish 1: Intruloceit Christmas fluff Wish 2: Sympathetic Deceit whump Wish 3: Logan and Deceit Christmas fluff Ao3 (it’s formatted better on there lol)

Janus, Logan, and Remus Have the Best Christmas Ever

Janus is upset after SvS Redux, so Remus and Logan try to help. Plus Christmas fluff!

We are ethically compromised if we give him a seat at the table

Snake

Liar

Rude

Spiteful

Jealous

Evil

Villain

The Light Sides’ words haunt Janus every night, only getting worse once Virgil leaves. The worst part is… he knows they’re not lying. Every insult, every implication, every rude remark, every single one was true. At least, to those who spoke them it was.

He sits alone in his room every night, Remus usually coming to check on him. Tonight, though, is special. Janus just fought with all the Lights, and told them his name! It was one thing when Remus did it, he’s crazy and unpredictable! When Janus does it… it’s serious.

Remus knocks aggressively on the ornate gold door, “Hey, ‘Anus?! You wanna hang out some? We could decapitate some of Roman’s dumb unicorns in the imagination, I sensed some trespassing earlier!”

Deceit startles on his bed, throwing back the covers (which he really shouldn’t be under this early in the evening) and mumbles just loud enough to hear, “Not tonight, Ree, I’m too tired.”

“Is it because of something they said again? I told them not to get to you, just because we’re different doesn’t mean we’re bad.”

“It doesn’t matter, Remus, just go take care of those unicorns. Maybe tomorrow we can hang out, ok?”

“Oh, um, ok. See you at dinner?”

“I don’t know if I’ll be up to it. Sorry.”

“Alright, let me know if you need anything?”

There was no response. Remus sighed, slumping away to his room.

This went on for weeks. Every day, Janus would come out for breakfast, unhinge his jaw and eat enough for the day, even though he used to eat the same as Remus(in moderation, he refuses to eat eyeballs and pubic hair). Eventually, after about two and a half weeks, Remus had had enough.

When Janus slouched into the kitchen for his daily meal, Remus slammed his hand on the table, “You are coming with me to the imagination!”

“No, Remus. I’m too tired.”

“Nope, nuh-uh, none of that ‘tired’ bullshit, you’ve said that every day for the last month!”

“Re-”

“Nope nope nope! Come with me!” Remus yelled, grabbing Janus’s arm with an unsurprisingly terrifying grin on his face.

Remus dragged Janus to the sickly stone mirror with green ooze globbing out that leads to the imagination, the snake complaining and protesting the whole way.

Once they got there though, none of the things that usually made him happy worked. When Remus had him attack Roman’s unicorns, he only said he didn’t want to make their relationship with the Light Sides even worse. They visited Janus’s giant golden two-headed snake, Eilonwy and Ethelinda, and Janus couldn’t even look her in the eyes(either set of them!). Remus even tried having him watch live musicals by sneaking into Roman’s side of the imagination, but it only reminded him of the movie nights everyone but the Dark Si- now, just Janus were invited too. Remus had stopped going, but still.

After the day spent trying to cheer Janus up in the imagination had no success, Remus decided to bring in the big guns.

The next day, Janus surprisingly didn’t get any visits from Remus. Just one text of a .gif that was weird as hell.

The day after that, however, Janus heard three precise knocks at his door, at precisely 9:00 am. He yelled out, “Remus! Just stop already! I’m fine!” The only response was another precise three knocks at his door at 9:01 am. He only grunted and curled into his heated blanket more, assuming it’s just another one of Remus’s dumb pranks.

After three knocks every minute on the minute for half an hour, Janus caved and opened the door, immediately protesting, “Remus, I swear to Thomas, I-” he stopped dead in his tracks when he looked up and saw who he was objecting to, “Logan?”

“Hello, De- Janus. Remus informed me he was concerned about you, so I have come to see,” Logan pulled out his notecards, “What is up?”

Janus chuckled, pulling the door open wider, “Okay Logan, you can come in.”

Janus puts his hat on as they walk inside, Logan looking around and noticing so much clutter. From what Remus had told him, Janus was a very organized person, almost obsessively so. Plus, the room wasn’t very warm at all, which cannot be good for someone cold-blooded.

When Logan comments on this, Janus simply brushes him off, saying he hasn’t had the time to clean up and his usual heaters would be a fire hazard with the mess.

They sit on some large extravagant armchairs in front of a fireplace, Logan favoring the black one with gold beading while Janus takes the deep yellow one with shiny black beading.

As they sit down, Janus lights the fire with a wave of his hand, trying (and failing) to subtly change his outfit into a clean one from his closet. Logan notices, but decides not to comment.

“So, what did Remus send you for again?”

“Well he didn’t exactly send me, per se, I reached out to him because I hadn’t seen you in a while, he said he would handle it, then he got me when that didn’t work.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yes, of course. I tried to bring it up to the other Light Sides, but they would not listen. Therefore, going to Remus, and consequently, you, was the best option.”

“Wow, uh, thanks, Logan, I really appreciate that. I assumed none of the Light Sides thought about how things would make us feel.”

“Granted, that is a fair assumption,” Logan quieted down, facing Janus’s bookshelves and silently reading the titles he has, mentally comparing it to books he’s read.

Janus wanted to question Logan about that, but decided to try and get to the point gradually instead, saying, “Logan,” said Side looked up at Janus, “I just want you to know that I’m sorry.”

This made Logan pause and think. After about fifteen painfully silent seconds for Janus, Logan started speaking again, “I apologize, but I do not understand. What are you sorry for exactly?”

“For, ya know, the last video.”

Logan stares at Janus.

Janus groans, “You’re really going to make me say it, huh? Okay, I’m sorry for taking your place earlier in the video.”

“Oh. Yes. That.” Logan stops, trying to formulate a response, “It is quite alright, Janus. While I was a bit hurt in the moment, I appreciate you figuratively beating some sense into the others.”

“Are you sure that you’re actually alright, though?”

“I… well, I do wish you had simply told me.” After Janus sends Logan a questioning look, Logan adds, “I know I would’ve been happy to step down and even let you disguise yourself as me, you didn’t need to knock me out. With those two, it’s very… difficult to get them to actually consider things, I know that first hand, so I entirely understand why disguising yourself as me was the most efficient way to get through to them.”

“Oh, I… I’m so sorry Logan, I hadn’t even considered that. I’m just used to expecting a no, I…”

“As stated before, it’s quite alright. Besides, I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

“What do you mean?”

Logan sighs, looking down at his shoes, “I should’ve spoken up sooner. About the Lights’ treatment of you, I mean. They were unnecessarily cruel to you, and I just stood by. I was… scared. I almost spoke up when Virgil hissed at you when you came to get your hat back from Roman, but I don’t know the whole story between you and Virgil, and I didn’t want to impose. Additionally, I…” Logan took a deep breath, doing a round of the 4, 7, 8 exercise Virgil taught them, “I was scared of being left out. I know I’ve said I don’t have feelings, but I was,” Logan chuckles, “deceitful, in that aspect.”

“Logan,” Janus seemed to be on the brink of tears of relief, “thank you so much. That means so much to me, I… hey, uh, would you want to come over for a movie night this Friday? I know movie nights with the Lights are on Saturdays, so…?”

“That sounds delightful,” Logan started to get up, “I will see you then. I apologize, but I must go. Thomas needs me at my best, I sense he’s about to start editing a new video.”

“No worries, Logan, I’ll see ya Friday.”

And so, Logan came over that Friday, and the Friday after that. After weeks of being holed up in his room, Janus started to come out more often, and Remus was very happy to see more of him. Logan started coming over every Friday, and as time went on, he even started coming over more often just to enjoy Remus and Janus’s company. Sometimes, he would visit Remus’s side of the imagination with them, other times, he would exchange books with Janus and discuss them, and eventually, he would even start inviting Janus and Remus over to view the constellations with him as he explained them and showed them the stars with his telescope.

This went on for months, and eventually, the Light Sides noticed. Whenever asked, though, Logan only stated he needed more time to himself. They laid off for a while, but eventually, it got a little suspicious, especially when they started hearing other voices coming from his room.

Finally, Patton decided to investigate. He heard the voices in Logan’s room while getting him for famILY dinner, and leaned up against the door before knocking.

“And here you’ll see MACS 2129-1, often referred to as the ‘Zombie Galaxy,” Logan happily explains.

“Oh fuck yes!” Remus yells, in turn causing a chuckle to emanate from Janus.

Logan chuckles as well, “Fuck yes indeed, Remus,” Patton gasps almost involuntarily but stays quiet enough so no one notices, “This massive, disk-shaped galaxy spins twice as fast as the Milky Way does, but it's still not nearly as active. Hubble observations of the distant galaxy reveal that it hasn't made stars for approximately 10 billion years. MACS 2129-1 is what's known as a ‘dead galaxy,’ since stars no longer form there. Scientists believed that galaxies of this sort had formed by merging with smaller galaxies over time, but MACS 2129-1's stars didn't form from these sorts of explosive mergers; they formed early on, in the disk of the original galaxy. The findings suggest that dead galaxies somehow internally rearrange their structure as they age rather than changing shape because they combine with other galaxies. I, er, I’m sorry I’m babbling, aren’t I?”

Janus shushes Logan, “No, Logan, we’ve been over this,” Janus gently places his hand on Logan’s slowly reddening cheek, “We love to hear you talk, especially about things that make you happy. Isn’t that right, Remus?”

“Hell yeah, Lo! I love hearing you get so excited about stuff, and I love learning about the stars with you, you’re a great teacher!”

By now, Patton had decided he didn’t want to intrude, he was proud of his kiddos. Logan, for reaching out and making more friends, and Janus and Remus for making Logan feel loved in a way that Patton just couldn’t seem to. He leaned back from the door and walked by, deciding to text Logan to let him know about dinner so he could come if he wanted but he didn’t have to cut his time with the Dark Sides short.

Meanwhile, Logan looked down at his phone and sighed.

“What is it, Lo-Lo?” Remus tilted his head so far to the left his head broke off.

As Remus smacked his head back in place, Logan sighed, “Patton says dinner’s about to start. I really should go.”

“You don’t have to, Logan, you know that right?”

“Yes, I’m aware but I haven’t gone all week and I’m concerned the Lights will think I’m not eating at all. I wouldn’t want Patton to get… upset.”

“Okay, okay, we all remember when Patton went all Hop Pop.”

Logan looked at both of them again with a small, but genuine, smile, dropping it as he sank down to the Light Side’s dining room.

Dinner was… awkward, to say the least.

Patton tried to break the ice, “So, Logan, you’ve been spending a lot of time in your room?”

There was a long, long pause.

“Apologies, I now realize that was a question. I assumed it was a statement. Yes, I have been spending a lot of time in my room.”

“May we ask why?” Roman sarcastically asked.

“I find that I’m more productive when I stay in my room.”

“Well, I’ve heard some other voices coming from your room…” Patton hesitantly added.

“What are you insinuating, Patton.” Logan harshly said, not asked, eyes harsh and cold.

“Well, I, uh-”

Virgil gently cut off Patton’s scrambling, “You know that we won’t be mad if you want to hang out with Remus and Janus, right?”

“Right!” Patton started, “We were actually talking about it some earlier, and we’d love to start having them over for famILY meals too!”

Logan raised an eyebrow, “Is Roman on board with this?”

Roman sighed, “I may have some issues with my brother, but a true prince wouldn’t stop other relationships from forming just because he didn’t like the other party. I know Remus, and he won’t hurt you,” he thought back to the shuriken, “well, not permanently at least.”

Logan smiled, the first genuine smile he had shown the Light Sides in months. “I can tell them.”

“Wait, Logan,” Logan looks back at Patton, “Christmas is this Friday, and well I can’t think of a better day to expand our famILY!”

Logan chuckled, “I’ll let them know,” he started to head back to his room but paused and turned to look back at the Lights, “Oh, and I’m staying with them on Christmas Eve. Apologies.”

“No problem, Logan! Thanks for letting us know!”

Once Logan got back to his room, he gave the Dark Sides the news. “Remus, Janus, I have some news.”

Remus popped up from where he was looking at his newest dagger under Logan’s covers, “Oooh? What is it, Wolverine?”

“Patton, and subsequently the other Light Sides, have invited you two and I to a famILY meal on Christmas,” Logan noticed how Janus and Remus’s eyes lit up but ignored it in favor of finishing his announcement, “I have informed them that I will be with you on Christmas Eve.”

Janus smiled, “That’s great! So, you told them about us?” Logan sat at his chess table with Janus, “Well, technically they guessed, but yes. They asked about me spending time in my room, then stated they did not disapprove of our… relationship, I suppose.”

Janus smiled, “That’s great, Lo.”

That Christmas Eve, the trio sat around the fireplace in the Dark Side’s living room. They cuddled together under a Big Hero 6 blanket while watching Die Hard, which they all of course agreed was the best Christmas movie. They had stayed up pretty late, and once the movie was over, Remus started excitedly jumping up and down, “It’s after midnight! It’s officially Christmas!”

Logan sleepily checked his watch, “You are correct, but I do not see how this is currently relevant?”

“Now I can give you guys my presents!”

Remus kept bouncing on the balls of his feet until Janus happily sighed, “Alright, what did you get us?”

Remus squealed, “I’ll show you!” while running to his room.

Janus and Logan chuckled together until Logan spoke up, “I, ahem, got you gifts as well. Would it be adequate for me to go get them?”

“Sure, I actually got some for you guys too. We’ll all go get them and meet back here.”

Logan smiled, nodded, and sank out.

When they all returned, they all had light blushes on their faces. “Who would like to go first? In handing out their presents, that is.” Logan awkwardly asked.

“I do!” Remus excitedly shouted. Logan and Janus were very much not surprised, and they all sat down on the carpet in front of the couch.

Once they were seated, Remus yeeted the presents at their recipients, both of which catching their present with ‘oof’s.

Janus ripped his open to reveal a long black cape with golden lining. He was about to start thanking Remus for the warm fabric when the clasp on it caught his eye. He looked closer, seeing a beautiful silver clasp depicting a snake and eight tentacles wrapping around a unicorn. Not trapping it, it felt more like… hugging. Protecting. He flipped it over to see an engraving, ‘J.L.R.’ “Thank you, Remus! I especially like the clasp, and the warmth and style are both surprisingly practical!”

Logan respectfully undid the poorly done tape and placed the wrapping paper to the side, opening the box to see some soft black and white fabric. When he took it out of the box and unfolded it, he saw it was a new unicorn onesie, this one black with stars instead of white, with a rainbow horn, lining, and wrists. Logan started to tear up, holding it back when he addressed Remus, “Thank you, Remus, this is… perfect.”

Despite how calmly it was stated, Janus and Remus both knew how much something had to mean to Logan for him to call it perfect.

Logan went next, getting Janus a new heated blanket with his yellow two-headed snake logo on it, which he loved. Next, he looked at Remus, “So, I did some research, and I got you something. But before I give it to you, I require confirmation that you will not use this on another side.”

“Ooo! Is it a torture device!?”

“Yes. But you cannot have it until you at least promise me that you will not use this on another side. You can use it on as many of yours or Roman’s unsuspecting imaginary townspeople as you wish, but not. A. Side.”

“Jeez, Wolverine, I promise, okay?! Now gimme.” Remus made grabby hands at Logan.

Logan reached behind his back and emerged with a metal dark grey and green pear-shaped object. He holds it out to Remus and he grabs it, “Remus, this is a Pear of Anguish. The first known account of one is in the 17th century, and it is operated as so,” Logan gently pulls the device back from Remus’s hands and twists the circle at the top, making it pop out into expanding segments, “This simple pear would be placed inside the orifice of a person and then gradually expanded. The kindest use was in a person’s mouth where it would ultimately shatter the skull, causing death. More gruesome is when it was used on parts in the lower half of the body which was rarely fatal, but excruciating.”

Remus giggled at ‘lower half of the body’ “Thank you so much, Logan! I can’t wait to try this out, you’re the best!”

Janus went last, giving Remus a silver tentacle-themed ear cuff, which he enjoyed very much, putting it on right away. Next, he gave Logan a gigantic telescope with stars and math equations all over it, with Logan’s logo big on the side. Logan teared up at the thoughtfulness and hugged Janus tight.

The three ended up spending the whole night and day following snuggling together watching cheesy Christmas romcoms, and drinking hot chocolate.

That evening, on the Light Side of the mindscape, the Lights once again did a Secret Santa. Sadly, Janus and Remus weren’t included since their attendance was decided so late, but Patton made sure to get them each something.

Logan got Roman this year, so he got him a journal full of prompts in which he could write, draw, or brainstorm. Patton got Logan, and he made him a bunch of cupcakes with the Logan’s Berry Crofters Jam, which Logan was eternally thankful for. Roman got Virgil, and he got him a grey weighted blanket which he altered by sewing on purple plaid patches with white thread to match the emo’s hoodie. Virgil was thankful he got Patton, getting him a better gift than before by hand sewing small toys of all of them, sheepishly adding he’d make Remus and Janus too “I guess.” Patton got Remus a stuffed animal of a green octopus with a mustache and he got Janus a stuffed animal of a yellow snake with a bowler hat that had a small heater inside.

Everyone loved their gifts and had a great time, but Logan couldn’t decide what his favorite part of that Christmas was; unwrapping presents with the Dark Sides at midnight or eating Crofters-filled cupcakes with them late Christmas night when all the Light Sides had gone to bed.

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jtrokujo · 3 years

Text

𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔩𝔢𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔯

Paring: Kenma Kozume x Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

———————————————————————————————————

The balls hit the ground, the footsteps of the players could be heard, the whistling could be heard and I just watched.

I watched the game.

Tonight, Aoba Johsai High will play against Nekoma High School.

I was of course cheered for my school, Nekoma High School.

And by cheering I meant my property in the game.

I am more of a quiet person who prefers to spend precious time either doing nothing or doing one of my favorite activities.

Even if I'm not a big fan of volleyball myself, I'm still here to watch someone.

However, that particular someone doesn't know me.

Why do you think so?

I always sit in the back corner, I don't eat my food often and then when it is not noticeable and I'm not good with people at the moment.

Whenever someone tries to have a conversation with me, I don't know what to say myself and I scare that person away by insulting them or even ignoring them.

I don't like this attitude of myself, because that's why I don't have any friends.

Ok, when I think about it, it's a bit sad but also funny.

The field won my field of vision when I saw that the Nekoma High only needed one point to win the second set.

An Aoba Johsai High player started and hit the ball to his teammate, Oikawa Tooru.

I've heard a lot about him, but I've never talked to him, I really don't want to, before one of his fangirls would kill me with her pure look.

Doesn't matter now, Tooru hit it with one punch and the ball was about to bounce, but only about to, because he came quickly and hit the ball with his outside palm and his other comrade hit it on the field of Alba Johsai High.

The Nekoma High crowds stood up and screamed at the school's success.

Some jumped themselves, others hugged friends, and others like me clapped for joy.

My face was nothing but a nice grin.

However, I should be home soon, it is not late, but it is the beginning of February which means the sun will leave us quickly and the moon will appear soon.

Some students from Aoba Johsai High and also those from Nekoma High left school, or rather the Nekoma gym.

I took out my cell phone including the headphones and put them in my ears and calmly went back to my house, but I didn't notice that anyone wanted to go home with me.

When I got back home, my parents asked me which team had won, whether I would be fine and other things.

The next day my alarm clock woke me up and brought me out of my sleep, which I immediately forgot.

I switched it off - changed my clothes and brushed my teeth - I had breakfast the fried egg my mother had prepared for me and left the house.

After breakfast I put the dishes away and grabbed some gum before leaving the house.

On the way to school I heard one of my favorite songs again and looked at the surroundings while it was dark, it still looks so beautiful.

When I got to school, I changed my street shoes with those of the school and made my way to the classroom.

Once there, I immediately took my seat and immediately spent my time on my cell phone before the school bell rang.

Until I heard someone walking into the classroom, "Good morning, (Y / N)." he said gently.

Kenma Kozume.

Even when we are in my friendship, we get along well, even though we rarely talk.

He was and always has been the only one who said 'good morning' to me since high school, since I went to Nekoma High.

He's always been the reason I watch the games and it has to be said that he's a pretty good game.

I turned to where my classmate was and greeted them too, "Good morning, Kenma."

The pudding head put his bag next to his table - which is in front of me - and took out his Nintendo Switch from it and immediately played a game that I don't know.

While the (H / C) hairy one is on her cell phone and the pudding head stares obsessively at his Nintendo Switch, he mainly thinks of one thing.

Can he do it?

He has nothing to risk you.

They're not even friends.

They don't even talk small talk.

His soft lips parted easily, closing right back together.

He cannot risk what he cannot risk.

Still distracted by the screen, the two classmates ignore the outside world until something specific called them back, the school bell.

Immediately (Y / N) stowed her cell phone while Kenma carefully stowed it in his backpack with his Nintendo Switch.

After the lesson, the school bell explained again how all the students stowed their school materials in their school bags and on the way either went to the school cafeteria, the schoolyard or the school roof.

(Y / N) in turn went out to the school yard with all the time in the world and sat under a tree and made himself comfortable there.

Immediately afterwards she got her bento and ate her food with relish, although she felt a bit watched, but skilfully ignored it.

Fed up with the food, (Y / N) went back to the classroom and sat down on her seat, but there was a small, unopened note there.

Surprised, she took it and opened it.

After school on the school roof?

She did not see this writing every day.

It was a bit neat, but also messy and since characters were not used in Europe or other countries, but in Japan, it was all the more difficult for them to decipher them.

She carefully tossed it on her bag, but inside of course so that nobody should know, why should they?

"Hello, (Y / N)." came his soft voice again.

The (H / C) hairy one turned in that direction and then said "Hello, Kenma."

He grinned lightly and warmly at her and made his way to his seat, where it (Y / N) got a little warm to her heart.

The last ring of the school bell for today.

Students: Inside walked away from school at their fastest pace while (Y / N) jogged lightly up to the school roof.

Once there, she waited less than five minutes for this person to come "Hello, (Y / N)."

(Y / N) looked at him fondly and immediately afterwards said "Hello, Kenma."

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haljordangreenjedi · 3 years

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you should assign 3 songs to 5 characters of your choosing and explain why you chose them

Kon, pls know I love you and I’m answering this before I do my physics homework. (the links are for spotify!!)

5 songs for 3 characters (bc god help me i can’t vibe with five characters rn, my brain is broken.):

Hal Jordan:

1. Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths

i have angsted about Hal with this song for LITERAL MONTHS OKAY. Hal is Achilles, the negative voice is basically Hal’s depression and Barry is the positive voice for obvious reasons. you can thank me later.

2. Fake Fine by Robert Grace

Twenty-seven, life is Armageddon I've got clinical depression 'cause my mind's an imperfectionist

But I forget just what the question is 'Cause I'm a fuck-up Stuck here with my hands cuffed Behind my back, tryin' to keep myself intact

hi yes all of these things are confirmed in Hal’s life and you cannot TELL ME that Hal doesn’t put up a front because he Does.

3. Morning In America by Jon Bellion

i mean really this just invoked Hal for me, the song is talking about everything that’s actually going on behind the scenes, and that’s just how i see Hal? All the important stuff is behind the scenes and Hal’s been trying to live up to Martin’s memory his whole life. is that how other people see it? i dunno.

4. Pretender - Acoustic by AJR

i think im just chanting the same thing over and over because like, really all of these picks are just me chanting the same thing in different words, but... yeah.

5. Danny Phantom by Spencer Jordan

look, he’s.... he’s Danny Phantom, okay? think about it. because i can’t stop thinking about it, so now you have to.

Stephanie Brown:

1. Twinkle Lights by The Sonder Bombs

And at 14 years old I was basically fully grown I was 14 years old but still the saddest kid I’ll ever fuckin' know

(that’s it, that’s the tweet.)

2. long story short by Taylor Swift

I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me Misery Like the war of words I shouted in my sleep And you passed right by I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides The knife cuts both ways If the shoe fits, walk in it 'til your high heels break

it literally just feels like Steph telling the story of her life.

3. Since I Was A Kid by Lennon Stella

it *screams* Steph’s origin story and explains like why she is the way that she is.

4. ocean eyes by Billie Eilish

*cough* TimSteph *cough*

5. Outskirts Of Paradise by Bad Suns

I'm on the outskirts of paradise Chasing desire through the night Picturing ways to take flight When the time comes

Steph and being a Robin/Batgirl/the Spoiler. :)

Jason Todd:

1. Don’t Throw Out My Legos by AJR

this is both like, Jason wanting to grow up and not be viewed as the kid he was when he died, while still wanting a place in the family, secretly.

2. The Way We Get By by Spoon

it feels like it could be a take on Crime Alley, but that of someone from there, so to Jason it goes. (i’m trying to give different vibes here.)

3. Burn This City by Cartel

Cause our days were numbered by nights on too many rooftops. They said we're wasting our lives, Oh at least we know, that if we die - we lived with passion. They said we'd burn so bright. We burn this city and go.

it’s the batkid anthem.

4. Spirits by The Strumbellas

I've been lookin' at the stars tonight And I think, oh, how I miss that bright sun I'll be a dreamer 'til the day I die And they say, oh, how the good die young?

Jason and his life as a (technically) deceased boy.

5. Sick Boy by The Chainsmokers

really, it just feels like a cynical take Jason would have?

Honorable Mention Songs:

1. invisible string by Taylor Swift

it’s a barry and iris love song, okay. they’re the gold standard.

2. Old Friends by Ben Rector

ITS HAL AND BARRY AS CHILDHOOD FRIENDS OKAY YES I JUST CAME UP WITH THIS ONE AT THE LAST MINUTE BUT REALLY.

3. No Peace In Quiet by Delta Rae

this could be literally any superhero with *anyone* that’s died in any comic continuity, but Hal or Iris after Barry dies really fits, because these are the people that I am currently obsessed with and you can’t tell me that Hal didn’t love his best friend and get absolutely wrecked by his death. (but yeah, uhhh speedster love interests after their speedster gets sucked into the speed force—this one’s for you.

#tag: katie answers things.... sometimes #tag: i have friends i definitely have friends #tag: the dead robins quintet

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meandmyechoes · 3 years

Text

The more I think about Dark Disciple, the more I find something odd.

[28th March 17:46]

I keep referring to it as a ‘favourable experience’, and there is no question the writing is what made me fall totally head over heels about quintress, but I also just, can’t?

I mean, yes. It’s very passionate, dramatic, scenes and gestures I can only dream of. But I also, don’t really see it in that ’omg they totally belong together here are my sixty headcanons of them’ sense?

I am very involved in the pairing, but also don’t really, actively ‘ship’ it — like the way it was an open book with Rhayme or Latts Razzi (since it’s the same author that indoctrinated me to Captain Rhayme). I could imagine them being happily ever after and silly shenanigans and slow-burn. But the concept of a quintress fairytale ending is so wild. I can only ask how much it is tainted with my personal view on relationships.

I know the plot leaves little room for “the future” and fed us well on all tropes possible. But, it just never occurred to me to put them in any other clichés or invent a missing scene.

Winding up, I don’t think their relationship is "weak", but it’s very motivated by circumstances and once you take that out of them, you are a little bit lost. For example even during the illicit affairs month, I… can’t really propose one date that does not seem tonally insensitive. (I can think of them being cloak dorks and Vos bringing her to ice-cream, that’s it, after a long hard moment) Really, all I possibly want is that sweet, sweet angst and canon is already there so I have no complaint.

It’s just… I don’t really get why it has to be the two of them that fall for each other. I understand why they did, and I believe it— Perhaps it’s much more a physical attraction thing that I don’t really have personal experience with.

I don’t know if quintress classify as slow-burn because 10 chapters still seem a little quick in the grand scheme of things. (aside: I’m quite disappointed Ventress wasn’t doing much in the last quarter of the book.) My point is, they do feel a little bit puppet to tropes, and while it’s deliciously written, there’s not much potential outside of canon. And that lack of inspiration makes me grimace a little.

[3rd April, 01:39]

I’ve scrolled through the dd tag and let the book sank a little. I am better articulated to talk about the sexist criticism now.

It’s a romance story, and when I judge it by that (lower) standard, it ticks the boxes. However, it might be a weakness as well, due to the projectability of the heroes. And yes, the whole assassination is dumb. Yet, tcw has been consistently this dumb at us. The last two times when she’s more rooted in the dark she failed, sent Savage and failed, so she’s gonna do it again with Vos… after she put down her desire for revenge. right. and surprise! Our “assassination” plan is to find Dooku and duel him directly. right…

I’ve read a review that says the romance takes away from the plot. However, the romance IS the plot. The book IS supposed to revolve around the two of them. I do agree them becoming begrudging allies then partners is a more unique approach, more rewarding as foils as well. but I guess a romance is easier for the conventional to process ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

With the “Ventress lose agency in falling for Vos”. Now, I can’t dictate how each of us buy into their physical attraction and chemistry (or lack thereof), and there’s no denial that a conscious human being is making that choice for the fictional character, I think the stance on this topic varied person to person from the above two factors, which are very different starting points.

I kept Katie Lucas’s foreword vividly in mind while reading. She said this is a story about people seizing chances to rebuild. That there’s always a choice. Cliché as it is, I believe ~the power of love~. I believe there exists someone you’re willing to sacrifice everything for, to overlook everything for, to forgive - to love them, warts and all. So, yes whether you think Ventress loses her agency to the romance, or if that’s a conscious choice on her behalf, is swayed heavily by how much you buy that they are the one.

[10th April, 10:30]

Yesterday I’ve been thinking a bit more about this. I do love this ship, I just don’t believe they’d be two people who find each other again and again in every life time, in every universe. That’s why, as magnificent as fireworks, it also won’t last.

To explore this, it’s not entire impossible for quintress to separate peacefully after this incident, but would that cheapen the build before? The entire motivation of dark!Quinlan hinges on his vision of their future. And say, Ventress did saved him and survived. How would he balance being a Jedi and his feelings - that’s publicly exposed to the Council? (sidenote: i really don’t like Ch. 27 where a bunch of old men are questioning their love life, but uhhh yes, I’m a sensible person!) For now, I’m seeing another Obi-Satine situation. And honestly how bad that an outcome is. It’s not like Ventress died for her war crimes! The show gave her a full pardon! So Idk man. Why can’t she leave him because she loves him and she exiled herself and they never see each other again WHY NOT FILONI WHY NOT.

Now I’m lamenting more what could’ve been with the two arcs. In Filoni’s original sketch, Aayla and Maul were involved. Man, that could’ve been the dream.

~~~

Part 2: [26th April, 15:15]

It has been… a month, since I finished Dark Disciple and I feel like it’s time to conclude all the thinking this book has made me do.

On the wider reflection about attachment and the Jedi Order, I still have to do more reading on it from other sources to form a concrete opinion. This theme won’t be touched on in this post yet, but I cannot shake how intriguing it is to compare “falling” in love to falling to the dark side. The temptation, and the submission to their emotions, the irrationality, the newfound curiosity, it all incites. Very curiously, it was Anakin Skywalker who commented that one is “blinded by love”

Okay, so what I’ve been scratching my head off the past two weeks is how I look at the romance between Asajj Ventress and Quinlan Vos. How would I define it?

Now this is as much as an exploration of how I view romantic relationships. Well, I’ve decided it wasn’t “love”, it was an “affair”. It was an affair because it’s a rush of passion, it’s a secret, it won’t last. Before I chop my own head off for bluntness, I mean it in, of course they are hopelessly in love with each other, that’s the exact premise of why it moved me so. But it wasn’t a complete relationship, wasn’t a healthy, sustainable one by any objective standards. Then, that’s the exact contradiction. Oh to throw caution in the wind with you, or to build a future with you?

Both are things I want a lot, and the ideal is of course one after the other. What quintress had (in the end) is definitely not something I’d want for myself, but it’s so fantastical, it’s alluring, just like the concept of falling in love - opening up yourself and trusting another person, is - it’s risky. That’s why it’s a sweet, sweet drug.

I’ve been so angry at all the red flags in this relationship. Reading this book, getting into both of their shoes, yelling NO like their best friends. But ultimately, what they had is unique to them and I can’t influence it in any way. Re-reading, I find myself holding myself back at all the places I was furious about going ‘You are smarter than this!’. Because it’s a tragedy, and the beautiful (I guess) thing is they chose each other.

The other day something on the dash inspired me to really think about ship dynamics. I, unashamedly admit, I’m VERY into Obi/Quin/Ventress in any and all combinations. *cough* I will not explain further.

I do accept the premise and I did discover they share quite a bunch of traits, but it confused me a while what made them cross the boundary, and it was, physical attraction (that the book was selling so hard I was blushing hot). I love them both a lot, and I would like to date them both, and I can see myself in either of them. Again comes the contradiction, is it a good thing to have characters so easily projectable, or do I want to see myself in more complex characters like them?

I probably lost quite a few cars stalling this train of thought. And I've been a canon apologist since forever. This book brought me a lot of emotional upheavals and a lot of food for thought. It brought me down to reflect on my romantic worldview and sexuality because I have nothing better to do. It totally challenged me as a writer and it’s just a really good novel by its right, regardless of the absurdity that is The Clone Wars. It’s a lot of firsts for me. And I really should find something better to do.

[26th April 16:00]

I must address that I got spoiled of the ending and the first and second half of the book probably went through some big changes.

If I cried for this book, it’s score would be even higher. And I’ve been so obsessed with discussing the relationship, without shedding light on the characterization, which is definitely an unfortunate side effect. Then it occurs that quite possibly the second half (26-42) deviated even further from the script than the first? It doesn’t have concept art or blocking, plus possibly (heavily) edited to omit correlation to other arcs. My major complaint for the second half is Ventress doesn’t do much and we know NOTHING about Vos, even though he is given screen time in the book. my, I just wish Ventress punch him harder and drag his idiotic mess back to the light sooner.

And to criticism about it being their ‘toxic’ relationship being portrayed as ‘true love’, well, it really depends on how thoughtful the reader is, right? I think if the reader is able to notice all these red flags and gave their own interpretation of the relationship and its outcome, it’d’ve been an educating experience. There’s what for the reader and what for the characters. They don’t know this ‘love’ is destroying them, and what kind of message is it sending? What ‘love’ depicted in the book is true then? I have my answers, and I hope every reader comes to their own as well.

#dark disciple #sw reading #clean version #i yell 'EXCEPT THE FLIRTY PART' every three scenes

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docholligay · 3 years

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First things first: ACTUAL QUESTION I WANT AN ACTUAL ANSWER TO, FORM THE AUDIENCE--what does mokashi mokashi LITERALLY mean? This is mostly curiosity, I have no reason to believe that “once upon a time” isn’t a great translation of it, like in Spanish it’s “there was a time” if you go literal about it. Just wondering and I know one of you knows.

ANYWAY, I have nothing but great fondness for these openings that we’ve gotten into with Tutu. I love the ways they reference the fairy tale that we’re in, and other fairy tales as well, basically letting us know what the RULES of the world we’re in are. I assume most people are familiar with The Red Shoes, which they’re not even so much referencing as they are retelling really quickly. It’s an interesting fairytale, because if we read the Andersen version, at least, its about vanity, more than it is anything else, and how that sort of thing will come back to bite you in the ass a million times over.

But it doesn’t HAVE to be that story. I’ve read a few versions of the same idea, and also there’s that classic movie, The Red Shoes, which is pretty good if you ask me, and the story can also be about obsession, and choosing between two loves, and I think, maybe this is more what the retelling of the story here is getting to, this idea that “The Red Shoes” is a different story from Tutu, but maybe it isn’t, either. Maybe Tutu choosing to be a girl, choosing to dance, choosing all of that, means she cannot choose to go back, ever. We’ve seen how poorly her deciding just to be a duck again went for her, maybe this is a larger symbol of the idea that Tutu is trapped, in a sense. She’s in this story now, in a way which she cannot extricate herself.

Please note I have never seen this and am watching spoiler-free! Please don’t confirm, deny, or explain anything, even if it’s historical or cultural! Thank you!

#Doc watches Princess Tutu #PT episode 9

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cupcakemolotov · 4 years

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New York, New York

So I finally finished a thing, and its not what I thought I was going to wrap up first but that is life! It is completely SFW, and very much “Canon, what Canon?” And its been more years than I willing to admin since I applied for colleges, I just glossed over those details. :)

Also, formatting, why are you like this.

Caroline rolled her eyes. “Bon. I don’t want to say I told you so but…”

The groan was loud in her ear. “I know, I know. But who would have thought it would be this bad?”

“Me. I thought it would be that bad,” Caroline said with a laugh. “And then I told you about it so you could avoid it. And then you didn’t.”

Bonnie muttered something so low, even Caroline’s vampire gearing couldn’t quite catch it. “Well, we're going to put down rules. As I’ve already told Elena, I might not be a vampire but I have a perfectly good set of ears and there are some things I do not need to hear.” Bonnie huffed out the last sentence. “And I refuse to have to spell my own bedroom to sleep.”

Caroline bit down on the side of her tongue to keep from commenting, knowing it would do little good. Somehow Damon and Bonnie had become friends, and while she would never understand it, she and Bonnie had come to an agreement. Caroline wouldn’t be automatically negative about Damon as long as Bonnie managed to do the same for some of Caroline’s friendships.

It was a work in progress.

“Well, if you need some breathing space, you are welcome to come hang out with me for a weekend. I’ve been melting my credit card, and I might as well use those points for something instead of shoes.” She glanced towards her bedroom and grudgingly admitted the next sentence. “I really don’t have the closet space for more shoes.”

Bonnie seemed to consider that. “Shoe collection aside, it can’t be that small…”

Caroline laughed. The apartment was a small one bedroom and technically outside of her budget, her dad’s insurance money only went so far, but she hadn’t felt a lot of guilt over her teeny tiny use of compulsion. Not when the renting market was so high and her textbooks were so expensive. And while hardly microscopic, her bed barely fit into the space designated as her bedroom. She did have walls that separate her bedroom from their living room, her couch, TV, and small table were tucked pretty close to her tiny kitchenette. The big selling point had been the claw-foot bathtub. She’d given up having a real shower, the shower-head had been rigged above the tub and the shower curtain she’d bought was super cute but if she’d still been human the breeziness of the space would have been murder. Overall, the space she had carved out for herself was cute but cramped.

And she wouldn’t change it for the world.

“It really can be. You should have seen Mom’s face when she agreed to co-sign, which is another really weird thing about this city. My credit check was stellar, I had the cash for the down payments and still they wanted a co-sign, but whatever. The good news is my obsession with HGTV has taught me plenty about hiding organizers, and thankfully, I don’t really need the kitchen.” She wrinkled her nose and looked down. “Though carpet is new but seriously ugly, so I am going to have to invest in a rug, I think.”

“The lack of needing a kitchen thing is kind of ideal for New York, but I personally am going to miss your stress brownies, though my hips wont,” Bonnie said with a sigh. “And your note taking. I already miss you in Physical Science, and why are Gen Eds so terrible?”

Caroline rolled her eyes. “It cannot be that bad.”

“Says you,” Bonnie retorted. “And anyway, Elena just stuck her head in to remind me that I promised to go to some Freshman Orientation event, so I guess I gotta go. Stay out of trouble, will you?”

“You first,” Caroline retorted. Bonnie laughed and disconnected the call. For a moment, she held onto her phone before sighing and setting it on the coffee table and flopping onto her couch. If she closed her eyes and listened she could hear everyone in her apartment building, which was something she hadn’t really thought about when deciding on an apartment.

Not that she’d had much time to figure things out. Weeks instead of months, but Forbes women were nothing but resourceful. And very, very determined.

Caroline just hadn’t expected her mom to get stubborn about her college experience. She’d expected Liz to be fine with Caroline going to Whitemore and sticking close to home, and it’s been a shock when things had gone sideways. When Caroline had marked down NYU on her SAT application form, it’d been on a whim. She’d been required to pick three schools and some part of her just couldn’t stick to the local community colleges.

And later, when her counselor had handed her the application packets, she’d stared at them for hours, considering. She had never thought she’d get in or that she’d get enough of a scholarship that living in the city would be manageable if she was careful. Very, very careful with a bit of compulsion thrown in at least. She’s considered it for all of thirty seconds before tucking the acceptance letter away.

There was just too much going on that she could walk away. Even with the Originals packing up and moving on, there was still her mom to worry about. One of the perks of being a vampire was that she could always pick up those dreams later.

Her mom had disagreed. Loudly. It’s taken three days before Caroline has finally cracked, and admitted why she had refused. And she’d learned a lot about her mom that morning that she hadn’t expected, and hadn’t had much time to contemplate with the scramble of getting into NYU. Her mom hadn’t even argued when Caroline had dragged her to NYC to check things out and to smooth over the issues her late application had caused.

Compulsion really was quite handy if she was careful with it. But more importantly, NYU was totally close enough that if she had to she could get on a plane for an emergency, but her mom, in a bit of underhanded maneuvering that Caroline had admired, had made a very specific list of what could be considered an emergency. And then she’d invited Elena and Bonnie over for dinner, and her mom had also explained it to them too. It’d been weird to have someone else fight that battle, but good.

Above her, something crashed and there was muted swearing and Caroline sighed heavily. She was really going to have to make a point to stay well fed. Going on a rampage because Courtney in 4A couldn’t keep her dog from yapping at all hours of the night was not ideal. She had been prepared to listen to her neighbors have noisy sex, well, at least until she could get Bonnie here to do some proper spell work, but the rest of it was a learning curve. So far, eating had been going okay.

She’d been getting tips.

And boy, would her friends freak out as soon as they learned who she’d been texting. But Caroline had always considered herself pragmatic, and her options had been limited. Stefan would rather light himself on fire than give her any kind of 101 Guide To Eating People Without Killing Them, and she would rather light herself on fire than talk to Damon.

Klaus…

She blew out a breath. Klaus was her friend, even if her graduation ceremony had made his position on… things… perfectly clear. But weirdly, she’d found his words strangely boundary defining and a relief. Last love was definitely not now, not anytime soon in fact, and his acknowledgement of that had eased the knot she always seemed to carry around in her chest. And so when she stood in the middle of the hustle and bustle of more people than she could remember really seeing in one place, like ever, she’d let herself text a number she’d refused to admit to anyone she had memorized ages ago.

And he had responded.

And Klaus had kept replying, no matter when she sent him a question. In between organizing her life and schedule, he’d been extremely helpful without any sort of judgement. If anything, he seemed more resigned to her lack of knowledge than anything else, providing her with Vampire Basics she’d never thought to ask Damon or Stefan about, and the knowledge had helped. Accepting the monster under her skin was not something that was going to be easy, but Klaus providing actual information about the whys and the hows helped far more than she thought she’d ever tell him.

And his faith in her control was not something she’d ever expected to need. But he’d offered it with no prompting and the truth was she made an excellent vampire. She was good at it, thrived with the challenges of it, and she thought the next few years would be good for her. And it was nice, knowing that if she screwed it up she’d have people who’d help her fix it. Even if some of them were just a tiny bit more dangerous than others.

Head tipping to the ceiling, she chewed on her lip and sighed. Putting Klaus in one category had never been easy, even when he’d been firmly in the villian bucket. She didn’t doubt he would continue to refuse any easy labels, and she thought she might be okay with that.

For now.

Pushing to her feet, she stretched and sighed. Classes started in two days, and while she’d already organized her books and started doing some pre-class reading, there was no harm in double checking her planners and reorganizing her books. And after, maybe she’d go for a walk. Check out some of the all night places near her place to plan for future all nighters. The kind of places you’d take broke friends to for pie.

The sudden knock on the door startled her, because she hadn’t noticed any unusual footsteps. For a moment, her pulse slammed in her ears as she recognized the slow thump of a dead heartbeat. A familiar barely their heartbeat that promised something old was outside her door, and one that should not be in New York City. Reaching for the phone she tossed on her coffee table she picked it up and typed out a quick text. No point in guessing who was there; not when it was pretty easy to check without moving any closer to the door.

Caroline [8:30pm]: Seriously, tell me you are not standing outside my apartment. Like, right this second.

A soft vibration, a low noise of amusement was all the confirmation she needed and Caroline stomped towards the door and yanked it open. “Are you serious right now? How do you even know where I live? I didn’t tell you that.”

Eyes gleaming, a hint of dimple curving in his cheek as he looked up from his phone, Klaus smiled at her. “Hello, Caroline.”

Arms crossed, she leaned against the door and huffed to cover the way her pulse skipped at the sight of him. He looked the same, same clothes and same hair, but she felt his presence with an awareness that did not bode well for her intentions of thinking of him as only a friend. Klaus had always straddled that line but here, outside of Mystic Falls, it somehow felt different. Better. And that was not something she could allow with her plans laid out in front of her. Plans that did not suit him. “Yeah yeah, hi. Why are you here?”

He slipped his phone back into his pocket, lips tugging upwards. “I was in town, and I thought I would stop by. See how you are settling in, perhaps come up with an idea for a house warming present, since it seems you will no longer need that mini-fridge, hmm?”

“In town,” she repeated, ignoring the rest of his words. “Doing what? Because I am attempting to avoid vampire shenanigans for the next four years, Klaus. I promised my mom.”

“Nothing like that,” he assured her. “Just a quick errand, and I head back to New Orleans tomorrow. I am quite invested in you having the experiences of your choice, sweetheart. No one will bother you while you are here.”

Caroline paused. “No one... as in no one? Are you threatening people again? People I haven’t even met?”

“Not yet,” Klaus said mildly.

She bit the tip of her tongue to stop the barrage of words that wanted to spill out. Slowly exhaling, she forced herself to let it go. There was a time and place for this discussion and she wasn’t sure right then was it, not when she was so surprised to see him, and she could hear some of her neighbors coming up the stairs. “Don’t think we won’t discuss this later but I suppose you can come in?”

“Thank you, and I don’t doubt it,” he murmured as he took her invitation and stepped into her home. His gaze swept her space and for a moment, she had to stop herself from fidgeting. This was her first space that was hers and Klaus was the only person besides her mom who had seen it. He walked slowly through her public space, and his words were sincere when he spoke. “You’ve done a lovely job with your home, love. “

For some reason, she had to fight down a blush. “Thanks. The carpet sucks though.”

He slid her a laughing glance. “An entirely fixable state of affairs.”

“You will not compel my landlord,” she warned him, exasperation almost hiding the hint of her own smile. “About carpet or anything else, Klaus.”

He made a low noise but no promises. “And how are you liking New York?”

She did smile then. “I love it. But we’ll see if that sticks when I have to deal with the snow this winter and pushy people and an overheated subway. I’ve been warned.”

His laugh was soft. “I think you’ll manage. And while it's a bit late in the evening, could I interest you in dinner? My treat.”

Caroline eyed him carefully. “Taking me to dinner will not get you out of explaining how you have my address or any potential yelling about it.”

Klaus slid his hands into his pockets and dimpled. “I would expect nothing else. But I do hope that’s not the only topic you wish to discuss tonight.”

Curious, she tipped her head. “Oh?”

He lifted a shoulder, gaze intent. “I assume you’ve picked out your classes? Have your semester organized down to the hour? And while I am certain you more than have the knack of feeding down, sweetheart, I’m happy to answer any remaining questions you have or even provide a demonstration or two.”

The idea of hunting with Klaus did something funny to her stomach, and she turned towards her room to cover it. “I’ll think about it. Give me ten minutes to change and then yes, you can take me to dinner. But not something fancy, I am not in the mood for multiple forks. But wine would be great.”

His laughter followed her into her bedroom and she shut the door. Taking a deep breath, she forced down her tangle of emotions. One night out with Klaus wouldn’t hurt anything, she reminded herself, and he was right. She did have questions, and lists, and she should probably take the opportunity to go over everything while he was here in person. Plus she’d be willing to bet he had an opinion or two he’d be willing to share about rugs.

Squaring her shoulders, Caroline headed for her closet to slap together a friendly dinner date outfit that would be suitable even if he did take her somewhere with too many forks. But they were definitely going to be chatting about his business in the city, and how he would not be dropping by without warning whenever he wanted to.

No matter how nice it was to see him.

#my fic #klaroline #klaroline fanfic #klaroline drabble #sfw

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lifeisbooksandcats · 3 years

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Just lil autistic things from when I was a child.

As an autistic adult (29 years old) (not professionally diagnosed, but something I’ve thought about myself for the past 12 years and just recently something I’ve spent far too much of my free time researching and I honestly do think that I am), I look back at my childhood with the thought of “WHY didn’t ANY adult in my life see any of this as ‘not normal’ and try to HELP me??”

- I was very advanced in some areas, mostly reading and writing; I was reading independently by the age of about 2 and a half/3. From the time I started kindergarten, I was always reading “far above grade level”. The first Harry Potter book came out when I was in second grade and I was just one of 3 kids between the two second grade classes at my school who had a high enough reading level for that to be independent reading. For writing, I have always always always, my entire life, been able to express my thoughts better on paper than verbally. I’ve always enjoyed writing. I would write essays upon essays about things I liked for no other reason than I just wanted to. Being alone with a book or something to write with was my happy place.

- My first real total and complete meltdown (that I can remember at least) (which my mom says was the start of my ‘very real anxiety problem’ (which she apparently noticed but literally never did anything to help me??? But that’s for another post another time.)) was when I was about 5(ish). We lived with my grandparents at the time, and my grandparents and I went to Florida to visit my aunt and uncle. My sister and mom stayed home. While we were gone, there was a fire that destroyed my grandparents’ house. My mom and sister and our dogs got out, but our cats died in the fire. So we get home from vacation, our house is gone, our cats are gone, we have to stay with a neighbor (who smoked and her house always smelled like cigarettes and I just remember the smell making me so sick to my stomach constantly) while the house is being fixed/rebuilt, our dogs are boarded at the vets office because we can’t have them in the neighbor’s apartment...we left for vacation and everything was normal, we get back and EVERYTHING is different, so obviously I’m already on edge.. we went to go visit our dogs and take them on a walk, and I kept turning around to make sure our car was still there..we went around a corner, so the next time I turned around I couldn’t see our car anymore and I had a full on MELTDOWN. I threw myself to the ground, I cried hysterically, and my family just chuckled and said I was dramatic and overreacting and the car was just around the corner. Did I overreact? I mean absolutely. Looking back, I can see how my reaction to not being able to see the car anymore was...a lot. Given the exact same circumstances, would a neurotypical child have reacted the exact same way? I don’t know. I don’t think so.

- I HATED the feel of paper. Oh my god I hated it. Even now as an adult, if I’ve had an incredibly long day or if I’m tired, I still sometimes can’t bring myself to touch it. I used to wear long sleeves constantly (or keep a sweatshirt nearby if I had short sleeves on) so I could pull my sleeves over my hand when I had to write so I wouldn’t feel the paper. I don’t know how to explain it, but the feel of paper would make my skin crawl. Even the tiniest bit of my skin touching it would send a chill down my back and I felt like I could “hear” the way it felt and the “sound” hurt my ears. In high school, I HATED going to history or science class not because I didn’t like the subject (I didn’t enjoy history, but I loved my science classes), but because the thought of having to touch the pages in the textbook made me nauseous.

- While *most* of the time I could handle listening to the car radio, there were times especially if I had had a long day, or was stressed or overwhelmed that I literally could NOT listen to the radio because I didn’t know what order the songs were going to play in. We spent a lot of time in the car listening to the same 3 cassette tapes again and again. I had a blue SanDisk MP3 player that idk if it was defective or what, but the songs ALWAYS played in the same order. If you hit shuffle, the first song to play would be a random one, but it would always play the same song after that one. I found comfort in knowing if X is playing, I know Y is next and Z is after that.

- My sister and I shared a bedroom (we had bunk beds) and she had a fan the clipped onto the rungs of the ladder of the bunk bed and the sound of the fan...the vibration of it against the wooden ladder... it HURT my ears. There would be nights I would cry and cry because I couldn’t sleep because my ears were hurting so bad because of the fan. Any time I would turn it off, my mom would get so mad at me. I remember her telling me “your sister needs the fan in order to sleep!” I would respond that I couldn’t sleep because of the sound, and she would tell me to grow up and get over it because I was the older one. And my sister would snore just a little bit, not super loudly, but loud enough that it distracted me from falling asleep. I would be so tired and frustrated, all I wanted was for her to “stop breathing so loudly”..

- I was annoying/bossy about playing games. I needed to know the rules and needed everyone to follow the rules. And if someone broke the rules, I remember sternly telling my friends “that’s NOT how you play”, if they broke the rules again, I didn’t want to play that game with them anymore. Way too often, I would tell my friends they were playing wrong. Even games we would make up, I had to know the rules and everyone HAD TO play CORRECTLY.

- I’ve always kept some sort of music player with me at basically all times - from a cassette player, to a CD player, to an MP3 player, to an iPod, to an iPod video, to my phone... and when the world was too loud (ESPECIALLY on the school bus or in the cafeteria) I could just put headphones in and listen to music and escape from the world being too much.

- My parents got my ears pierced when I was a baby; even as a toddler I remember HATING them being pierced. I hated the way they felt, I hated how they felt too tight on my ears, I hated the weight of them, even just little studs, I could FEEL them, I was constantly aware of them and I didn’t like it.. and I couldn’t take them out. I remember being told “but you’re a GIRL and the earrings are PRETTY!” I remember the relief I felt when I learned that if you played a sport at school you weren’t allowed to have earrings in. I remember signing up for soccer in third grade JUST BECAUSE I would get to take my earrings out, and just the joy/relief I felt not having to wear them. And I haven’t worn them again since third grade.

- I used to organize my and my sister’s CDs and cassettes obsessively. Alphabetical order by artist or band name, and in order by the year they came out. At least once a week I would have to check to make sure everything was still in order. I did the same with my books on my bookshelf. They had to be organized. And they had to be organized CORRECTLY.

- I HATED the feeling of my toes touching each other. Oh my god I hated it so much. Any time I had shoes on, I HAD TO wear toe socks so they wouldn’t be directly touching. It made me feel physically ill, anxious, uncomfortable. I cannot even put into words how much I absolutely hate hate HATED the feeling of my toes touching each other. Which I know is the weirdest thing to have that kind of a reaction to, but..possibly a sign that something was up in my lil childhood neurodivergent af brain.

#me #personal #actually autistic #I’m SURE there are more things #but these are what I could remember today #I may come back to this and add more things as I think about them or remember them #our systems are still down at work so I’ve just spent all morning writing this

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gifted-burnout-archive · 4 years

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A. C-R

Requested?: Yes! Anon requested a daughter or sister x Jack Ryan, and this is what I came up with.

Word Count: 1.6K+

Author’s Note: Honestly needed this, helped me to just write something! Requests are open, send in whatever you’d like and I’ll write it. Feeling a bit more optimistic about getting series out to you guys now that I’ve written this!

Warning: none. It’s floof.

—

The suburban paradise life had never quite been Jack’s style. While he hated to admit it, he thrived on the chaos of war zones, on the thrill that came with gunfire, and he needed to be a hero. Saving people, whether from terror attacks or corrupt politicians or chemical warfare, was what Jack thirsted for. He needed to have control in dangerous situations, needed to be the one calling the shots or coming up with the solutions.

His new position at the CIA allowed just that: Deputy Director.

It was a big jump, and despite moving into the more political side of the job, Jack was still out in the field, getting shot at on a semi-regular basis. It was like a custody arrangement: one month in the office and on Capitol Hill, the next in some arid landscape or swamp marsh with only a pistol and his instincts.

The fact that Jack had reached such a high level of security clearance at such a young age, the man turning 42 next week, was due to three factors:

1. He was a national treasure

2. He was good at his job

3. And Jack had no real commitments outside of work.

At least, he didn’t until a month ago.

“You look like shit, Jack.” A familiar voice greeted the doctor as he walked into his office, dropping his workout bag on the floor. Jack let out a heavy sigh, running a hand through his hair and closing his eyes as he took a moment. “What’s happened now?”

“You know, you could have told me how ridiculously difficult this job is, Jim.” Jack laughed through his scolding of his old curled partner Jim Greer, running his hands over his face before heading to his desk. He didn’t take a seat, he didn’t do anything to suggest he was even staying: instead he pulled out his car keys and slipped on a blazer.

“What did she do this time?” Greer smirked, following his younger counterpart towards the elevators, pressing the button on Jack’s behalf. The younger man was frazzled, his lunch hour run had been interrupted by a rather worrying call, Greer could just tell.

“I’ll be back in an hour. Call a meeting with Jacobs and Royce.” Jack asked as he stepped in, avoiding Greer’s question all together. The last thing he needed was to try and figure out just what had happened to call him away from his office.

All he knew was that it wasn’t good news.

—

“I won’t sit here and listen to you lecture me like I’m a goddamn preschooler. Unless you are pressing charges, I don’t need to be here, because you don’t have any proof.” Mr Hudson sighed at the words coming from the young woman’s mouth, his eyes narrowing as he examined the smirk on her face.

She sat there, in front of him, dressed too nicely to be a nuisance: there wasn’t a crease in her clothing, not a scuff on her shoe, not a hair out of place on her head. She had dark brown hair, it was held back from her face with a black alice headband, exposing a sharp jawline, pearl earrings, and a slender neck. In her blazer’s breast pocket, a floral kerchief and pen, just below a small badge pinned to the lapel.

It was small, one of the few decorative pieces she wore at all, but no matter how many times people had complained about that pin badge, she would not remove it.

Fuck you, I do what I want is what the pin read, and in the past month of knowing the young woman he had found that she stuck to the promise her pin badge proclaimed on her behalf.

“Miss Ry-” Mr Hudson started, but when the young woman raised an eyebrow he coughed quickly. “Miss Clairmont. While the school won’t be pressing charges, disciplinary actions need to be taken. We hold our students to a certain standard at Capitol Prep, and your radical opinions and your aura of suspicion cannot be tolerated.” Mr Hudson explained, stopped in his scolding by a knock at the door. “Come in.”

“Ah, the cavalry has arrived from Langley…” the young woman, Miss Clairmont, muttered, folding her arms and sitting up a little straighter as a man entered the room from the door behind her.

“Doctor Jack Ryan, I’m sorry to call you in during the work day.” Mr Hudson apologised in his greeting, causing Miss Clairmont to roll her eyes. The man’s demeanour shifted drastically when talking to people he respected.

“Why am I here exactly?” Jack asked, looking down at the girl to his right, a head of hair the exactly same chocolate brown as his own.

“Well, Miss Clairmont decided that hacking into our school systems would be a clever way to use her time in Computer Sciences today.” Hudson explained, and Jack took a moment, looking down at the girl, the fifteen year old who looked up at him with big eyes and a sweet smile. The same smile her mother had, the same glint in her eye he possessed.

“Well, considering your security systems are excellent, I think it was a great use of her time. I’m glad to know my daughter has been excelling in her extra curricular activities.” Jack said, and his daughter jumped up to her feet, picking up her bag and flashing her principal a smile.

“Doctor Ryan-“

“Suspend for three days, I’ll take away screen privileges.” Jack said in a closing statement. “I have a meeting to attend. Sweetie, let’s go.” He instructed, his daughter leading the way out the building, a dumbfounded principal left in the office alone.

—

“Really? We’re still going by Clairmont?” Jack asked with a chuckle as they sped towards the CIA buildings at Langley, where a new lead waited with Greer.

“I prefer my mother’s name to Ryan… Plus, all the kids know who you are.” She shrugged, picking at her nails. “Hard to live up to the reputation of America’s Golden Boy.” The comment was made in a semi-joking manner, but the avoidance of eye contact was clear.

Jack was new to being a father, and most certainly new to being the father of a fifteen year old girl he had only ever seen on holidays. While the full story was a winding road no one ever had time to explain, Jack essentially became his friend’s, Marie Clairmont, sperm donor, and the godfather of her daughter. Marie lived abroad most of her life, and it was only upon her untimely death about a month ago that he became a legal guardian.

“Come on now…” he tried to soothe the tension, and she sighed.

“You called me your daughter in there.” She blurted out, and Jack slowed down at a red light. The pair shared a glance, neither quite sure who would speak first.

“Did I?”

“You did. You said you were glad to know that I, your daughter, was excelling in her extra curricular activities.” She paraphrased, gesturing with her hand to signal Jack was holding up traffic.

“Sorry.” Was all Jack could manage, and they fell in silence once more, soon pulling into the garages below the Langley buildings.

“I know…” She began as Jack switched off the engine, still not looking his way. “Would you ever consider adopting me?” The question caused Jack to look over in shock. He had never considered the question to be brought up, not once. She was rather adamant on being a Clairmont, to honour her mother, and Jack wouldn’t want to jeopardise that ever.

“Do you want me to adopt you?” He asked, and she finally turned to look at him. He had gotten used to associating her face, freckles and dimples and all, with the most joyous and festive times of the year: every Christmas and birthday Jack got to see those chubby cheeks and toothy smiles. He got to see her ever changing wardrobe and growing obsession with the Star Wars franchise, even bought her a lightsaber for her 7th Christmas. Had Jack’s job not been so busy, he would have made it to more celebrations, but a place was always set for him, just in case.

“... I think it would be quite nice to be as Clairmont-Ryan.” She answered with a smirk. “Might take a while to get used to calling you dad though.”

“You don’t have to call me dad…” Jack said quickly, worried she was angry or being passive aggressive, but the smile on her face said otherwise.

“You know, I’m really bumping up your resumé. Not only have you stopped terrorists and aided in the fixing of Venezuela, now you’re a single dad. Honestly, women will be all over you, Jack.” She teased, stepping out of the car with him. He chuckled to himself, the bubbly teen before him giving him a reason to feel pride.

“Gotta day, I like dad better, kiddo.” The pair fell into step, his arm going around her shoulder and hers around his waist to hug as they walked.

“Dad it is.”

“... Now let’s discuss things you can’t do at the private school I pay for. Number one, hacking into their systems.” Jack spoke up as the elevator doors closed, and she let out a laugh. “How did you even learn to do that? You’re fifteen, Athena.”

“Ah, yes, but my mother was a genius and my dad sets a morally grey example.” She grinned up at Jack, her dad, with bright eyes, her tone teasing and light.

As the elevator doors closed, and the pair shot up towards the eleventh floor, Jack knew that whatever came next, he would never let any harm come her way.

Ever.

#john krasinski #fanfiction #jack ryan #oneshot #jack ryan x oc #father daughter relationship #fluff #fanfic #tom clancy

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