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#by the time they're done healing it will JUST be getting warm again!
fantabulisticity · 8 months
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I'M GETTING MY NIPPLES PIERCED THIS FRIDAY
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unclewaynemunson · 7 months
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Pt2 to this post
'Is something wrong?' Nancy asks, not long after the two of them have taken their familiar spots on the hood of Steve's car. They're basking in what might be the last warm sunlight of the year, looking out over the quarry, at a safe distance from the edge.
It's become a tradition the two of them share, ever since they reconnected back in March. It calms them both, to just sit here and take in the view, no one around but each other. Nancy is one of the few people Steve can share a comfortable silence with: sometimes they sit here quietly for what feels like hours, side by side, listening to music or to nothing but the birds singing around them. But they also have their best conversations here: it's the place where Nancy entrusted him she wanted to break up with Jonathan; it's the place where they talked about their shared past and decided they would always love each other as friends; it's the place where they finally talked about Barbara in a way they couldn't when they were younger. It's where Nancy talked about the ghosts still haunting her and Steve talked about how lonely he sometimes felt.
Steve huffs. 'How did you guess?'
'When you frown, you always do it with your whole face,' Nancy notes. 'So it's hard to miss, really.'
Steve glances at her side profile. There's a serenity to her features that's still relatively new. It means she's healing, slowly learning how to be happy again. It means she stopped waiting for the end of the world and started believing in a real future again. It makes Steve proud of how far they both have come.
'I had a fight with Eddie,' he confesses. 'And with Dustin, I guess.'
'What happened?'
He sighs. 'It's complicated.'
'Wanna tell me about it?'
The look in her eyes is kind and inviting. Steve hesitates. He wants to, but he doesn't know if he can. It's a risk. It's scary.
But he can't imagine Nancy Wheeler ever being careless with his secrets. He can't imagine her judging him, can't imagine her being as small-minded as most people in this town.
He was planning on telling her anyway, because things had been going so well with Eddie lately and – no, he shouldn't think about that right now. But maybe it would actually be nice to talk about it with Nancy.
'So, um...' His throat feels tight and his hands are sweaty. 'I recently discovered some things about myself. I-' The words get stuck somewhere on the way to his mouth, and he clears his throat.
Nancy doesn't push, but only gives him an encouraging nod, waiting for him to find his voice again.
'I found out I like boys,' he finally manages to confess. 'And I need you to know that – that that doesn't mean that what I felt for you wasn't real. It was. I loved you, and now I fell in love with a boy. And-'
'Steve.' Nancy's hand suddenly covers his, causing him to finally jerk his head away from the view over the quarry, to focus on her face again instead.
Her eyes are wide, and she squeezes his hand.
'You don't have to explain yourself to me,' she tells him. 'We're good. But thank you for telling me. For trusting me with this.'
Steve heaves out a relieved sigh, and Nancy smiles; it's that genuine kind of smile which reveals all kinds of dimples and soft lines across her face.
'We might be more similar than you thought,' she tells him, a faint blush spreading over her cheeks.
'Really?' Her words make his breath catch in his throat. He squints at her, trying to see her in this new light. 'Are you saying what I think you're saying?'
She shrugs. 'I don't know. I'm not sure yet,' she admits. 'Still figuring things out.'
'Take your time, there's no rush,' he tells her. 'But...' He bumps his shoulder against hers. 'When you're done figuring it out, talk to me, okay?'
She nods. 'Okay.'
For a while, it's quiet between the two of them. Some kind of raptor circles high above them in the sky. They both follow it with their eyes until it disappears among the tree tops west of the quarry.
'Is it Eddie?'
Steve blinks dumbly a couple of times.
'Wha- what?'
'The guy you were talking about. The one you fell in love with. It's Eddie, isn't it?'
'Jesus, Wheeler, what kind of sorceress are you?' Steve exclaims.
Nancy laughs again. 'You're not being as subtle as you think,' she tells him. 'The two of you have been hooking up for a while now, haven't you?'
Steve huffs dramatically. 'This is unfair. You know everything; I can't even tell you my own secrets anymore!'
'So what happened?' Nancy asks. 'You said you had a fight with him?'
'It's fucking stupid,' he sighs. 'Dustin was getting way too excited about the fact that I was gonna be hanging out with you, so I told him I was seeing someone. Next thing I knew, he was telling Eddie all about how I was seeing a girl.' He waves his hands around to make annoyed air quotations. 'I wanted to tell Eddie it was a misunderstanding, but Dustin was there, so I couldn't out us just like that, and he looked so betrayed and heartbroken... He didn't wanna listen to me.'
Steve sighs; he still can't manage to forget that look in Eddie's eyes when Dustin delivered the big news. 'I wish I would've talked about what I felt for him earlier. I should've been honest when I had the chance, y'know. But I was afraid he wouldn't wanna label what we had, that he wouldn't feel the same way – and now we're in this whole mess. God, he must hate me right now, Nance.'
To his surprise, Nancy gives him an unexpected slap against his arm.
'Ouch, what the hell was that for?!'
'What are you even doing here with me, Steve? You should've gone after him, tell him how you feel!'
'I tried, obviously, but he didn't wanna listen to me!'
'So make him listen! You're in love with him, he obviously feels the same way about you, and you let him leave to wallow in a broken heart he doesn't even need to have!' She rolls her eyes and slides off the car, adding something under her breath that sounds suspiciously like an exasperated 'Boys!' before she pulls Steve off the car as well. 'C'mon, time to get your ass over to the trailer park. Right. Now,' she says through gritted teeth. And, well, Steve knows better than to argue with a determined - and truthfully quite terrifying - Nancy Wheeler.
Read the last part here Taglist: @withacapitalp @ultimatedreamer104 @irregular-child @jcmadgirl @estrellami-1 @myguiltyartpleasure @hallucinatedjosten @jaybren @thew1ldblueyonder @melodymeddler @alycatavatar @zoeweee @lolawonsstuff @fairy-princette @saramelaniemoon @phirex22 @krazyperson @xxsky-shockxx (I only put people on this list who explicitly asked to be tagged. That's really no problem, I love to do that so dw about asking, but I got a lot of relatively vague reactions to the previous post that i'm not gonna dissect and interpret, bc I don't wanna clog anyone's notes unwanted. So just to be clear: i consider it a huge compliment if anyone asks for a tag but please do it clearly if you do!)
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greensagephase · 10 months
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Nonviolent Communication - Part Two
***Fanart done by the lovely @sunsetdoodler for the end scene of this part can be found here !! Thank you so much @sunsetdoodler for drawing this!! I'm in love with the way you drew this scene and I'm still not over how tiny the coffee cup looks in his hand 🥹 so CUTE!!! Please go and show some love to this amazing artist and their work!!***
Miguel O'Hara x FemReader
Summary: You show up to HQ after a day off due to your period (Part One). You accidently intrude on your boss's personal moment.
Word Count: 6,468
Warning: Sad Miguel Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine |
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Part Two
The next day you wake up bright and early. You're definitely feeling a million times better. You sit up in bed and untuck your sweatshirt. Miguel's handmade rice socks slide out. You didn’t need them last night, but you still felt like using them to prevent or ease any cramps or pain during the night. You quickly get ready for the day, changing into clothes to go out and fixing your hair. You make breakfast and for some reason you check the cabinets and drawer from last night again. They're still fixed. The containers that Miguel left are in your fridge. 
You feel silly as you check this. It really did feel like a dream having Miguel O'Hara, your boss, visit your apartment and then to find out he had lied about the reason for his visit.
You reheat the canelita from last night as you eat breakfast and think. The realization that he had lied kept you up for a little while last night. You don't understand why he would lie about it. 
But then you also wonder what it meant. It wasn't like you thought he was heartless. Or some stone-cold man. He could act like he was sometimes, but you feel that he is not like that. You remember hearing the events that unfolded before your enrollment into the Spider Society. An altercation with Miles Morales, who is now one of your closest colleagues, trying to prevent his father from dying. Miguel launched a multiverse hunt for Miles, trying to prevent him from breaking the canon, which had resulted in several spider-members breaking off the Spider Society to side with Miles. In the end, Miguel had discovered that he was wrong. Miles’s father didn’t need to die to keep the multiverse balanced. After discovering he was wrong, he apologized and even helped Miles save his dad, according to Miles himself. So, Miguel O’Hara was not heartless, or completely uncaring.
He was, however, still filled with guilt and pain from losing his family. You couldn't help but wonder if he would ever be able to heal and move on.
He did care, you think. He was just too scared of showing it. Maybe he feared letting people know he cared or had the potential to still care. You sigh as you drink the warm canelita. Maybe that’s why he had lied. Perhaps he had been somewhat concerned for you and had decided to check your wellness. Then, seeing you in pain, he felt the responsibility to help. That was it. Whatever the reason, you know he didn’t want you to know. This was clear to you as he had made sure to tell you not to mention it to Jessica twice to prevent getting caught in a lie.
You finish breakfast and wash dishes before heading out. You stop as you're nearly out the door, turning to look at a picture of Peter. You bring your fingertips to your lips, planting a soft kiss before pressing them to Peter's lips on the picture. 
You smile at the photo. "This city depends on me," you say, remembering this was one of the things he had last told you. You head out then, fulfilling your daily promise to Peter of ensuring the safety of this city. You swing through the city, easily, looking out for crime or anyone in need of help. You watch the sky, the sun climbing higher and higher. The city never rests but you see it's still calm and early before the sidewalks are overfilled with busy citizens living their lives. You end up sitting on a tall building, just watching and patrolling. Your senses are met as you sit there. You hear chatter already. There are some honks here and there from cars below on the streets. Music plays from somewhere nearby. You feel a light breeze in the air, messing with your hair. There’s a bakery down below, and despite the height, the scent of fresh baked bread fills the air.
Your eyes end up on a couple. You can't help but watch as they walk hand in hand. Not a care in the world. They both look like they're going to work as they talk and laugh to themselves. Your gaze follows them until they reach an intersection where they part ways but not before they kiss on the lips. It looks like a longing kiss, as if they're already missing each other despite their bodies being pressed against each other’s.
A soft sight escapes your lips. That used to be Peter and you, you realized. It was that kind of love. The kind in which you'd start missing your person even before you said goodbye. The kind that had you already longing to kiss their lips again while you were kissing them. 
You longed to have that back. You missed having that. To still feel that. Even though it has been three years since Peter's death, you haven't thought about a new relationship. Sure, you have been asked out in the last year or so, but you didn't feel ready yet. You felt as though it was too soon. For some reason though, in this moment, watching the couple, you feel as though you are ready to be open to the possibility of a relationship again. You know it might never be the same as with Peter. Peter was the first everything. He's always going to be special and different to you no matter what but... 
That doesn't mean love can't come again, right? And you had promised Peter, too. That you would be open to it. As you look at the city before you, you realize you're okay with at least being open to a relationship now. It's not going to be immediate of course, as it's going to take a while to find someone you can trust the same way you trusted Peter. 
You sigh and get up, cleaning your pants. It seems that everything is good with your city. At least for now. You give one last glance at the lovers, now walking in different directions.
You walk away from the edge of the building and open a multidimensional portal, ready to report to HQ. Since you missed out on yesterday's meeting, you have no idea if you have special missions today or for the rest of the week. The sooner you show up to HQ, the sooner you'll know what you have been assigned and plus, you needed to go and organize the lab since you also skipped that. You enter through the portal, stepping out into the cafeteria which buzzes with energy of about seventy or so spider members. You nod to a few who you've worked with in the past as you walk by. The scent of coffee fills the air, making you crave it since you didn't have any earlier. You grab a cup then decide to grab another one for Miguel as you're heading there to collect the report from yesterday. You make your way to his lab, making it sooner than expected. You call for Lyla, who always appears. Except she doesn't appear right now. You frown. 
"Lyla?" you say hoping she'll pop out of nowhere like she usually does. You always call her before you go into Miguel's lab. You always do this to avoid entering unannounced, but Lyla doesn't appear with her bubbly and sassy personality.  
You debate going into the lab. On one hand, you need to figure out if you have a mission. What if there's something planned that you were assigned, and you miss it? You really don’t want to make any mission partners angry at you skipping accidentally. On the other hand, you don't want to just go into the lab unannounced even though you know other members do that sometimes.
You frown and debate internally, finally making up your mind. You push open one of the labs doors, careful not to spill any coffee on yourself, deciding that knowing if you have missions is more important. Once you enter, the door closes behind you softly. The lab is dark and quiet. You can spot the yellow lights from the monitors faintly. You begin to question if Miguel is even here. He might be out on a mission right now. You continue to walk further in just as you receive a message from Jessica through your gizmo. You put the cups of coffee down on a nearby surface, already too deep in the lab. You pull open the message, noticing that it was sent to all Spider Society members.
"Whatever you do, do NOT, and I mean do NOT, go into Miguel's lab today. Don't speak to him. Don't approach him. Avoid him at all costs. He's not to be approached today. Any questions you have, direct them to me." 
You curse under your breath. Why didn't Jessica send this sooner, you ask yourself as you look up. At least it seems that he's not here, you think as you look around only to realize you're very wrong. 
You feel shivers run down your body as you see him. He's hunched over his monitors on his platform. You hadn't seen him because the light was off. You stand still, heart racing suddenly. 
Shit, you think to yourself. Why did Jessica send the message two minutes too late? You begin walking backwards quietly, forgetting the cups of coffee. You'll retrieve them tomorrow if all goes well. You watch Miguel carefully, making sure he stays the same, making sure he doesn’t detect you. You make it a good bit before he moves. His movement is so subtle you pause walking, making you freeze in place.
Shit, shit, shit, you think. He's looking over his shoulder now, probably scanning the area. 
"Who's there?" Miguel asks, in a voice so much different from the one he used last night. This voice is raspy, laced with anger and something else. It's almost threatening. "Do not make me ask again," he says with a coldness that could put winter to shame when silence meets him. 
You hear your heart race in your ears. It's beating and beating. This is the scary Miguel people talk about, you realize. You hear him breathing. He sounds irritated. You decide to speak at last to avoid angering him any further. 
"It's me, Y/N. I'm sorry for coming in... I see you're busy, so I'll head out now," you say, before you begin speed walking towards the doors. Before you know it, however, you see Miguel's bright illuminating webs shoot past you and onto the doors, blocking them. You halt as you see this. You turn around slowly to face his direction, unknowing what’s going to happen next. Is he going to scream at you for interrupting him? Is he going to take out his emotions on you?
You watch carefully as he stands on the platform, facing you now. He looks menacing standing there on his platform with the lights off, the only visible lights being the yellow monitor lights which are faint to begin with. He stands still, watching in your direction, silent. You swallow hard before you take a step forward.
You can’t help but ask yourself what you’re doing. You should stay still; you should try and leave but no. Here you are, taking more steps towards him, approaching him as if he were a delicate glass figure who could break at any sudden and abrupt movement. All the while, Miguel stands there, like a statue. You can feel his gaze on you now. He has the kind of gaze that anyone could feel. Or maybe it was just you who felt his heavy gaze. You take step after step, until you are standing before him. He still stands there, towering over you, perfectly still. You release a slow breath as you meet his eyes. There’s anger, sadness, and grief in them. You tell yourself you should leave at that moment. Who are you anyway? You are just another member of the Spider Society. You are not one of his most trusted members. You are just you.
You are you, the one he checked on last night. You are the member he left his lab and million of duties he assigns himself for to travel to your universe to check on you. He helped you last night. He made you homemade rice socks to ease your pain. He made food for you, which happened to be one of your comfort foods. He made you canelita, to ease your cramps. He fixed your cabinets and took out the trash and dealt with the dishes. He watched you become overwhelmed with your emotions as you remembered Peter.
Even though Miguel O’Hara didn’t want you to know, he had shown up of his own accord and not because another member had asked him to. Jessica had not asked him to check on you.
He made the decision all on his own. You didn’t know why exactly but you were thankful, nonetheless. And that was all that mattered to you suddenly. You were grateful he had shown you kindness.
Still meeting his eyes as you think about this, you speak up again, knowing that the only thing you wish to do right now, is reciprocate that kindness. He can reject it. He can tell you to go away. He can laugh or mock you. You could care less right now. You just want to reciprocate the kind gesture from last night and that’s why you ask, looking into his maroon eyes, “Is there anything – anything I can do for you right now?”
Miguel’s eyes narrow down at you. There’s an emotion in them. Perhaps, surprise? Is he surprised by the question? Has anyone ever asked Miguel if they can do anything for him? Would he even let them if they asked?
Your arms hang at your sides as you continue to hold his gaze. “I could simply listen,” you say quietly, trying to tell him that he could just talk about whatever it is that’s bothering him. You’ll listen… If he lets you.
A few minutes go by – or maybe it just feels that long as the two of you stand in front of each other, holding each other’s gaze, in silence in his dark lab. You almost feel like he could do this all day. Just stand there, watching you with his maroon eyes narrowed at you. You wonder what he’s thinking. Or maybe he’s not even thinking. Maybe he’s so wrapped up in his emotions, he has forgotten you are there. Maybe you have become part of his lab, just another object laying around.
You begin to feel as though this will continue forever. You will be stuck in this moment with him until he snaps out of it. You find yourself thinking that you’d wait it out with him, to return the gesture of last night. You will stand here the rest of the day until he-
“Lyla,” Miguel says, finally breaking the silence. His voice is hoarse.
You feel stunned for a few seconds. You thought he’d only continue to stand there in silence for longer. You recover quickly though and nod slowly, hoping that this encourages him to talk more. You also wonder for a second if he’s requesting Lyla to show up, but she doesn’t appear. You find this strange. She’s not showing up even for him.
Miguel turns around, turning away from you to face the monitors. You stand still, in the same spot. You feel as though you should remain still, to avoid upsetting or alarming him. You notice that he begins to move his monitors around, though you cannot see what’s in them as his body covers your view. You wait for anything else. He sighs as he stops moving his monitors.
“Last night,” Miguel begins, “I returned from your apartment. I ran maintenance on Lyla before I left, and when I returned, I found a folder that she kept hidden from me.”
You listen intently, your brows furrowing as you hear the last bit. Lyla hid a folder from him? You can’t help but wonder what it contained but you know immediately whatever it was, is the root of his mood today. You watch Miguel’s head drop. The sight of this on a man like him, who always looks put together, stern, and unbreakable, is devastating. You feel the need to reach out to him. To lay your hand on his arm as a sign of support but you know very well that would be too much for the founder and leader of the Spider Society. You can’t help but think about something Jessica once said after you and other members had returned from a mission. The mission had been particularly hard, as you had all dealt with a vexing anomaly. However, it had been a success in the end, with the anomaly captured and returned to its original universe. One of the other members on the mission had joked about Miguel congratulating all of you with a hug, to which Jessica had responded in a very serious and somber manner that had snatched your teammate’s humor instantly after.
“Miguel cannot do physical touch in that way, right now. Perhaps he never will.”
You remember thinking how sad that sounded. That someone couldn’t do physical touch in that way. Of course, you understood why it would be hard for him. You had heard he had lost his daughter in his arms. Your fingers twitch, wishing you could comfort him but there’s a line. A line you’re unwilling to cross when you know Miguel has firmly drawn it. Your hands curl into fists, trying to end the need to comfort him. Listening will have to do, you think.
“The folder contains photos and videos of my… previous life. Of my daughter and wife,” Miguel says, sounding pained and heartbroken.
You share his sadness as you realize. Lyla had hidden it. Lyla, who is nowhere to be found… You piece the pieces together and conclude that the bubbly, cute, and sassy AI assistant has been deactivated or shut off for the time being as a result of Miguel’s emotions.
You don’t know what to say. What can you say? How do you respond to this unique scenario in which your AI assistant hides a folder containing contents from your previous life before disaster struck? As you stare into Miguel’s back, you think about Lyla.
Lyla, who is always sassy and bubbly. Lyla, who follows Miguel’s every command.
Lyla, who is the only one that accompanies the founder and leader of the Spider Society when he’s locked up in his lab. Lyla, who despite being AI, is the only one that knows in full disclosure about the life Miguel led.
The one who saw a happy Miguel. A Miguel with a wife and daughter. A Miguel that probably smiled and laughed often. A version of him that didn’t stare into monitors with a grief-stricken face. You cannot help but wonder in that moment, staring at his large back… What was it like to hear Miguel O’Hara’s laugh? You guessed it was deep and rich, the kind that probably made you want to make the man laugh more to keep hearing it. You wondered what his smile looked like, too.
You shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts. It was not the moment. You focus again. Lyla, the AI assistant that probably knew Miguel better than any other Spider Society member, had hidden a folder containing photos and videos of his previous life. Of his wife and daughter. And you know why. Or at least you are certain you know why. That little sassy and bubbly AI assistant cares for Miguel. You cannot help but pinpoint this as her reasoning for hiding it. She knows him and what he has been through. She knew it’d break him further to see more memories of his previous life.
Still standing behind him, unmoving, you gently respond, “I’m sorry…”
Miguel’s head is still hanging when he speaks again. “She hid it from me all these years. Do you know how many files I had before this?” he asks, his voice hoarse, still laced with anger and sadness. He responds before you can. “I had three!” he says, louder. “Two videos and one photograph! And she’s had this file containing over a dozen photos and videos of them. How dare she! How dare she hide this from me? How could she hide them from me… My family,” Miguel says with a much more desperate and mournful tone that almost makes you want to weep for him.
You notice his hand, laying against a monitor softly. He shifts his body some, allowing you, accidentally, to see the monitor. You feel overwhelmed with sadness as your eyes scan the photograph. There, in the monitor is Miguel standing in the back with his arms wrapped around a woman while the other one holds a girl. Your eyes move across the woman, Miguel’s wife. You had heard from other spider members that he had met her shortly after inserting himself into the child’s life. They had quickly fallen in love and had married in a short amount of time. She was beautiful with mid-length hair, bright eyes, and a warm smile. You move to the child. Her small face was precious with her toothy smile and scrunched nose as she looked at the camera. Her hair was in a ponytail, and she wore a soccer uniform. You cannot explain the feeling that overwhelms your heart as you see this beautiful girl. Finally, your eyes land on him.
Miguel O’Hara looks at the camera with happy eyes and a smile that leaves you a little breathless. The sight is strange and yet comforting in some way. His eyes are bright. He looks happy. More than happy, really. This was another Miguel. One that you had never met. One that you may never meet. You don’t fail to notice that he’s in casual clothes in the photograph, further indicating how different this version of him to the one in skin and bones before you are. Miguel never smiles or laughs. He is never seen in comforting and relaxing clothing. His eyes are never full and bright. There is no twinkle in his eyes like there is in the photograph. No, the eyes of the man in front of you are vacant of this twinkle. No sign of happiness.
An involuntary, deep sigh escapes from you. You freeze almost immediately. Miguel turns to you with an unreadable look on his face. You meet his eyes briefly before you  return your attention to the monitor.
“She was beautiful… They both were,” you whisper as your eyes land on the little girl again.
You wonder what she was like. Her soccer uniform gives you a glimpse of her. You imagine she was dedicated to it. She probably was good at scoring goals. You imagine her scoring one and running to the sidelines, where Miguel probably stood, watching, and cheering with his wife. You imagine them, going out to get ice cream afterwards to celebrate. You imagine Miguel giving her a ride on his back as she squeals, his wife laughing and finding the scene wholesome.
You cannot explain it. You feel as though you are grieving for him, the life he used to have. You grieve his happiness.
He was so happy. He had everything. A wife and a daughter. A family. And they were gone. Just like that.
As you stare at the photograph, your emotions swirling, you fail to notice Miguel watching you. He notices the way your posture has changed. You usually walk around with a posture that many envy. Your head is always high. Your face is usually bright and warm. And yet, when he looks at you now, he sees the way your arms hang at your sides almost in a helpless way. He notices your hands, curled in fists and wonders the reason for it. He observes your slumped shoulders, as if you were sharing the burden of his emotions in that moment.
Despite his emotions being a wreck right now, he finds the moment to feel off by this sight. He is used to seeing you happy and with a warm smile. He wondered a few times how someone could always carry themselves this way despite losing someone. He knew of your loss, of course. He didn’t know the exact details, but he knew it had been painful and his suspicions had been further confirmed last night when he had asked why you stuck around to your shitty apartment. He had seen the way you had focused on the wall with photographs. He had guessed you were looking at a photo of you and your Peter. He was never going to admit it out loud, but he had explored your apartment while you slept, and that wall had caught his attention.
His eyes had observed your face. There was not one in which you weren’t smiling. It didn’t matter if you were looking at the camera or not, there was a smile on your face. He couldn’t help but notice the way you smiled at Peter, too, in the photos that you were not facing the camera. It seemed to Miguel that Peter was your everything and you had proven his thought right when he saw your eyes focus on a specific photo on this wall. When your eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill down your face. When he saw the familiar emotions he carried with him every day.
Grief. Sadness. Heartbreak. Longing.  
Miguel swallows the lump in his throat as his eyes are still on you. He watches the way you scan the photo. There is no judgement from you. There is no question about how it happened. You just watch and you seem to feel his pain. He finally turns to the screen, shifting over, giving you a better view of the monitor displaying the photo. His movement is subtle, and it could easily be mistaken as an accident, but it was anything but that. Miguel O’Hara, for once, was okay with someone looking at a photo of his previous life. He felt that he could trust you, even though you were one of the newest members in his society. He felt something inside him when he heard you call his wife and daughter beautiful. His face had a longing look on it but a small, almost barely there, smile appeared on his face as his eyes scanned the photo again.
“They were…,” he said softly. “My daughter – her name was Gabriella.”
Your eyes shift to Miguel again. You can see a ghost of a smile on his face. It pains you to see this. He deserves to be happy, you think.
“That’s a beautiful name… Gabriella,” you say softly, and you don’t fail to see the way his eyes close when you say his child’s name. It’s almost as if it’s too much to hear it out loud but Miguel opens his eyes again.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve heard someone else say her name,” Miguel says quietly, barely audible but you hear it, and this breaks your heart. You watch him swallow. “She was bright, so bright. She did well in school. She loved science,” Miguel says before he brings his hand to his face. You watch as he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. Tears, you realize. He’s wiping tears off his eyes as he talks about Gabriella. And – suddenly, Miguel is talking about his daughter. Spilling everything that comes to his mind about her.
He tells you about the science projects Gabriella did and how she earned A’s. He tells you about her in the soccer team, how she put so much determination into her practices. How she dedicated her goals to him. About the way she had nightmares sometimes and how she called for him, him being the only one that could truly comfort her and lure her back to sleep. He talks about making her breakfast and how much she loved Saturday breakfasts especially because he made pancakes with chocolate chip cookies on them.
Miguel goes on and on, giving you more glimpses into his life and hell – you grieve that life for him. You grieve the death of a child you never knew. Your urge to comfort him grows with each detail he gives you. Your curled fists unclench and clench over and over. It’s so hard to hold back, to not wrap your arms around this man who is stuck in the past, grieving a life he no longer has… but you know you shouldn’t. You know you can’t as you remember Jessica’s comment about Miguel being unable to do physical touch. Instead, you do what you can do.
“She sounds like a wonderful child, Miguel,” you whisper still looking at the image, and you mean it. Little Gabriella sounds like a beam of sunlight. She sounds like the kind of child that could turn your frown into a smile. You smile faintly at her toothy smile. You wonder what kind of life she would’ve led but you stop yourself, feeling like you have no right to wonder that. “I have never said it before because I know…” you trail off not wanting to say what you wanted to say, which was that you knew this was a topic that couldn’t be brought up. Other members had warned you about bringing it up, so you never did. “… but I’m so sorry for your loss,” you whisper and hope your tone expresses your condolences.
Miguel remains silent. He continues to look at the screen and it appears his tears have slowed down at least. “Thank you,” he says, his voice sounding less hoarse and calmer, but it’s still laced with sadness.
You remember Lyla then and you can’t help but feel bad for the little AI assistant. You wonder if you will push it too far by bringing her up.
“I know I’m no one,” you start, turning your face to him even though he cannot see it. “To say anything and I know it’s upsetting, rightfully so…” you say, understanding why Miguel was so angry.
Miguel turns slightly towards you, as if interested in what you have to say. You let out a soft sigh. “Lyla – you know she cares about you, right?” you ask, softly.
Miguel turns his head away again and doesn’t respond for a few seconds until finally he nods. He sighs and brings a hand to his left temple. He massages it for a few seconds, perhaps a sign of a headache, you wonder.
“I know,” he answers quietly. “I know she did it to avoid – “ he says but doesn’t finish. You nod understanding.
“She’s always around to help you,” you say, a little smile forming on your face as you think about her. “She’s always so sassy but she always does her job.”
Miguel scoffs, nodding. “Her sassiness wasn’t planned. She took that trait all on her own,” he says but you don’t believe it. Lyla had once told you how sassy Miguel himself was before the events that changed his life forever took place. You guess his own sassiness was inspiration for hers. You smile as you think of that side of him, probably buried deep in him. You don’t mention this though and just nod. Maybe one day, you can see that side of him. Maybe.
“I haven’t seen her in a few days since I was out, but I miss her questions,” you say, referring to how she showers you with questions every time you clean the lab.
Miguel stays still and replies a few seconds later. “I deactivated her after I found out what she did.”
Your suspicion is proved correct then. You don’t say anything else. It’s not like you can ask him to bring her back. At the end of the day, Lyla is his creation. The two of you remain silent for a few minutes in his dark lab. Miguel finally sighs and straightens up, his true height towering over you.
“I’ll activate her again,” Miguel says, and his voice is in its usual tone now. The same one from yesterday while he talked to you in the kitchen. You feel relief wash over you. If you felt so attached to her without being her creator, you wonder how attached Miguel might be to her. Miguel then turns around, fully facing you. You look up at him. He is a different man than the one you first encountered earlier. He lifts his wrist closer to his face and begins clicking his gizmo. Not even ten seconds later, Lyla appears again.
She floats next to his head and looks around, seemingly confused. Her eyes land on you before they turn to Miguel.
“Miguel – you know I didn’t mean to,” she says and for once, her tone is not sassy or bubbly. She sounds truly sorry. Miguel stares at her, with eyes that reveal his attachment to her.
“It’s alright, Lyla. I know,” Miguel mutters and Lyla floats over to hug his head, happy to be back and forgiven it seems.
You try hiding your chuckle but fail miserably, catching both of their attention. You straighten up, noticing their gaze on you now. Lyla disappears and appears just as quickly as she disappeared, suddenly in front of your face.
She makes it a point to look like she’s whispering to you. “I guess I have you to thank, right?” she asks, winking at you behind her heart-shaped glasses. You chuckle softly.
“It’s good to have you back, Lyla.”
Lyla grins and offers you a fist bump. “This is why you’re one of my favorite spider members,” she says, earning a scowl from Miguel.
“I thought you said you didn’t have favorites, Lyla.”
Lyla shrugs at Miguel once she faces him after you return the fist bump. “It would hurt your feelings if you knew you’re not in my top five. Sorry, Miguel,” she says, still hovering over you. This earns Lyla another scowl.
“And I created you,” Miguel says in disbelief, but you can tell there’s a little bit of a playfulness in his tone.
“Y/N is in my top five.”
You raise an eyebrow. “I am? I literally joined the society like – four months ago.”
Lyla shrugs, floating back to Miguel. “That doesn’t matter, Y/N. I will not elaborate why you’re one of my favorites,” she says with a little smirk before looking at Miguel and then back at you. You can’t help but feel like her look at Miguel was to make some point as to why you’re one of her favorites, but you chalk it up to overthinking.
“Well, consider me flattered,” you reply with a grin, which Lyla returns before she looks around.
“So – you guys have been hanging out in the dark like some weirdos? Let’s light up this place,” Lyla says, and the lab is suddenly lit up.
The sudden light makes Miguel and you close your eyes in discomfort. You blink a few times, trying to get used to the change.
“Lyla, did you really have to do it that suddenly? A warning would’ve been appreciated you know?” Miguel asks, giving Lyla an annoyed look.
“Sorry, I just couldn’t stand the darkness in here.”
You chuckle quietly, still trying to adjust to the sudden bright lights. With your eyes finally adjusted, you look up at Miguel and Lyla. Lyla is grinning as she sits in the air with one of her legs crossed over the other. Miguel scoffs at her before he turns his attention to you. His face is calm and relaxed.
“I’m – sorry for the way I snapped earlier when you arrived,” Miguel starts with sincerity. “Did you need something?”
“Please don’t apologize, there’s no need to,” you say with a small smile. The last thing you wanted was for him to apologize when you intruded. Yet, you feel something in your chest you cannot describe at the fact that he has apologized. “I came to collect the report from yesterday’s meeting. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t skipping missions.”
Miguel nods and steps off his platform, brushing past you. He walks over to another surface and picks up what you assume is the report. He walks back to you and extends his arm, handing you the report. You take it and thank him. You quickly flip through it, your eyes scanning the pages to see if you have a mission today. You see you don’t have anything until tomorrow.
You look up at Miguel. He seems to be looking elsewhere though there’s an expression on his face you cannot decipher.
“Well, that was all. Thank you and – I’m sorry for intruding,” you add with embarrassment.
Miguel turns to you and shakes his head softly. “Don’t worry about it…”
You smile briefly before you begin taking steps back. “Okay, well. I should head out… I’ll see you around,” you say before you turn around and begin walking towards the door. You suddenly remember the organizing. You stop walking but don’t turn. “Oh, I’ll come tomorrow after my mission to organize the lab, if you don’t mind.”
“Alright. See you tomorrow.”
“Bye, Y/N!” Lyla calls out.
“Bye, Lyla!” you say before exiting the lab, report in hand.
The door closes after you, leaving Miguel and his sassy AI assistant alone in a well-lit lab now. Miguel turns to his monitors. He stares at the picture for a few seconds. There’s a faint smile on his face before he closes the tab and folder. Lyla remains silent as if sensing that Miguel needs this moment. Miguel sighs, looking around the lab. Sensing that she can talk now, Lyla breaks the silence, noticing something.
“Why do you have two random coffee cups abandoned over there? I swear some of the members are so unorganized and forgetful sometimes,” Lyla complains, floating away.
Miguel looks around, a slight frown on his face as he searches the lab with his eyes before he spots them. Two cups of coffee are placed on one of the many surfaces of the lab. He stares at them, knowing instantly who brought them. He walks over to the surface and grabs one, lifting it to his face. It’s still warm in his hand and the scent of coffee fills his nostrils. He takes a sip, deep in thought for a few seconds.
“So, care to elaborate why Y/N is one of your top five spider members?” Miguel asks Lyla, curiously.
“I don’t think I will.”
--------------------------------
taglist:
@loverlorn @saturnknows @d1lf-loverrr @eddiestitmiguelsbigdick @freehentai @arithestrawberry @scaleniusrm @haradasaya @spidermanismyfav @bitchykittenconnoisseur @thecraziestcrayon @mandodinstuff
Thank you for the support so far, it's really appreciated 🥰! Part three will be up in a few days. I don't know how long this will be but I think there might be five in total? We'll see! Also, excuse any spelling or grammar errors. I edited it but I read it for so long my eyes probably still missed something.
I still love Miguel O'Hara. That's all.
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heli-writes · 2 months
Text
A dragon's heart, part 8.
Pairing: Barbarian!Bakugou Katsuki x female!reader
Summary: The dragonblood tribe is known for being cruel, barbarian warriors that slaughter, loot and rape all places they pass through. They are feared among the villagers and even bigger cities. Having lost most of their women to a plague, they're trying to ensure their tribe's survival by kidnapping women from other places. However, they're not the only monsters in human form out there. When y/n experiences this first hand, she has no choice but to ask for help from no other but the barbarian leader Katsuki Bakugou himself.
Disclaimer: injuries, sexism, mentions of male genitalia, orgasms and (oral) sex
[Please don't read if you are sensible to or triggered by the topics mentioned above.]
Minors do not interact.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9
Series Masterlist
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Katsuki fastens the stag at the dragon's back behind the saddle. Y/n stands beside him and secures the stag while Katsuki uses the straps to make sure that the stag doesn't fall off during the flight. She watches as Katsuki works with a grim expression on his face. More grim than usual, she thinks. She wonders why. She doesn't know that Katsuki takes her to his tribe today. He didn't even try to tell her since she wouldn't understand him anyway.
He would never admit it but he's anxious. He knows that his men will celebrate his victory. Coming home with a successful hunt. Bringing home a woman for the tribe.
Concerning the old hag, he's not so sure. His mother is one of the few remaining women in his tribe. The plague took most of the fertile women. Meaning old women past their fertile prime and young girls before their first blood survived. Leaving a whole generation of young men behind.
His mother always had very specific expectations of how Katsuki's life was supposed to take place. Becoming the tribe's leader, for example. That being said, he's not sure she will approve of him bringing home a stray female. Well, that'd be alright if he did and brought her for his men. Or for himself for a night. But definitely not as a potential mate for himself.
Suddenly, there's a warm hand on his bicep. Y/n. She must've said something to him considering how expectantly she looks at him. „What, woman?“, he spats. Y/n furrows her brow in worry. Clearly, something is upsetting Katsuki.
Y/n walks closer to him and wraps her arms around his middle and leans into him. For a second, Katsuki wants to push her away because he is annoyed. When he sees how she looks at him, he changes his mind. Soft eyes look up at him, making him dizzy.
He shifts so he can take her into his arms. He leans his forehead onto hers and takes a deep breath. He can still feel the angry feeling in his stomach. Or is it anxiety? He doesn't know. Either way, it feels like a stone lying right behind his belly button.
Y/n moves her head and meets Katsuki in a kiss. Without opening his eyes, Katsuki kisses her back. In contrast to yesterday at the bonfire, this kiss is sweet and slow. There's no fire behind it just reassurance. Katsuki doesn't realize how the stone dissolves itself.
Breaking the kiss, Katsuki looks down at y/n who places a hand on his cheek and softly strokes it. He wants to sigh and kiss her again but y/n slips out of the embrace and gets another bag that needs to be secured at the dragon's back.
Before they take to the sky, y/n takes a look at Katsuki's injury one more time. She's afraid that the wound won't heal properly with Katsuki moving around so much. Katsuki thinks it's completely unnecessary but he lets y/n fret over him for a bit. Maybe he also enjoys it a bit. When she's done, they mount the dragon.
Y/n watches their surrounding with excited eyes. Somehow, she can't get enough of watching the landscape from so high above. Katsuki does not do any stupid tricks this time and just lets her enjoy the view. Now and then, he presses a kiss to her neck which makes her feel fuzzy inside.
Slowly, but steadily the landscape starts to change. The forest areas become less and less dense and few more settlements can be spotted. The air grows cooler.
They fly for two or three hours when y/n starts to notice a painful ache in her tights. She remembers what happened last time when they flew for a longer period of time. She tries to ignore the pain until it becomes too much. She turns around and asks Katsuki to land. When he doesn't understand her, she keeps pointing to the ground.
„What, you gotta piss? I've told you to go before we left, stupid woman.“, Katsuki mumbles but gives the dragon a sign to land.
After the dragon touches land, Katsuki helps y/n down. He notices how her movements are stiff. He touches her legs and notice how cool she's gotten. He scrambles for some clothes when y/n wobbles behind a tree.
There, she lifts her dress and looks at her tights. There are blisters forming and there are fine tears in her skin. „Fuck.“, she mumbles.
„Fuck?“, Katsuki's amused voice says behind her.
Y/n drops her skirt and turns around. Dramatically, she rolls his eyes to make it clear what she thinks of that comment. She's sure as hell that Katsuki has a foul mouth. He shouldn't make fun of her when she uses a swear word here and then.
„You done?“, he says putting his hand on his hips. Wordlessly, y/n wobbles back to the dragon and looks for the medicine bag. Katsuki watches her closely, not getting why she needs wound dressing.
„You stay here“, y/n tells him, „Don't look.“
She wobbles behind the dragon and sits down carefully she looks for the rash cream and some bandages. Katsuki follows her closely behind.
„Go away!“, she tells him and waves her hand. Katsuki picks up one of the bandages.
„Why do you need those? Are you hurt or what?“, he asks. Y/n gives him a mean look and keeps pointing behind the dragon.
When Katsuki doesn't move, y/n sighs in defeat. It's not like he will see anything inappropriate. It's just legs after all, y/n tells herself and starts ruffling up her skirt.
Katsuki's eyes widen when he realizes why y/n wanted him to leave. However, he does not show any signs of moving away. Instead, he very intensely stares up y/n's naked leg. Y/n makes sure lady parts are covered but can't help feeling embarrassed by Katsuki's stares. He must know this intimate. Especially when she has to prop up and spread one leg in order to get to the wound.
In all honesty, very indecent thoughts run through Katsuki's mind when he sees y/n in this position. That is until he sees the wounds on y/n's thighs. Immediately, he steps closer, kneels down and grabs y/n's knee hollow pushing her leg further apart. Y/n yelps as she almost loses balance.
Katsuki inspects the wound. „Rider's rash.“, he determines. Not uncommon if you ride a horse or dragon without proper clothes. Y/n's dress definitely falls under the category of improper clothes for riding. Katsuki wants to scold himself. He should've thought of this. It's not like y/n had any other choice but to ride with the clothes on her back since she had no others.
Katsuki lets go off her leg and grabs the rash cream.
„I-it's fine! I can do that myself!“, y/n says jittery and tries to grab the cream out of Katsuki's hand. She really doesn't want him to touch her anywhere near there. No, that's wrong. She definitely wants that but not now and not here.
Katsuki just swats her hand away and takes a big goop of cream. Carefully, he spreads her leg again applying the cream onto the wound. While he's very concentrated on treating the wound, he's also painfully aware of how close he is to the place his men would kill for. When the cream is applied he wraps a bandage around it. Without asking, he checks y/n's other leg and repeats the process.
Meanwhile, y/n's face burns in a bright red.
Once he's done, he lets go of her and pulls her skirt over her legs again. A gesture that y/n appreciates. Then, he rumbles through a bag and gets another pair of pants. It's shorter than the one he wears. He helps y/n into the pants and y/n stuffs her dress into the pants trying to use the fabric as a cushion for the wounds that already formed. Katsuki also wraps his cape around her shoulder and arms.
Then, it's time to fly again.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
They fly for the rest of the day. Only taking a quick pee break in between. While y/n is fascinated by the view for a while, she eventually grows tired. At some point, she leans back and rests her head against Katsuki's shoulder. He lets her because he knows how tiring flying can be to an untrained body. He remembers how beat he was after his first few flying lessons.
When the mighty Bear Fang Mountains come into view, Katsuki nudges y/n awake. Actually, she bolts awake and when she remembers where she is, she immediately clings to Katsuki's arms for balance.
„Wow“, she breathes at the sight in front of her. A large mountain range opens up in front of them. Are we flying lower or are these mountains higher than we fly?, she thinks.
„We call them Iron Peaks“, Katsuki tells her. He points along the range of mountains and repeats: „Iron Peaks“. Y/n follows the motion of his finger and mumbles: „Iron Peaks“. Katsuki corrects her pronunciation and y/n repeats the words until she feels Katsuki nod behind her.
Katsuki takes her hand and uses her index finger to point to a mountain to the right of them. „There's my home. There's where we're going. Back home.“, he tells her. Again, y/n repeats the last word Katsuki utters and he nods approvingly.
„Yes, we're going home.“, he mumbles into her hair.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It's not long before the dragon starts flying lower and a settlement comes into sight. Y/n instantly recognizes how it looks different from the settlements in the kingdom. The settlement is made of tents instead of brick houses. Suddenly, a feeling of nostalgia hits her. While most villages in the kingdom were assembled out of brick houses, that's not where the wandering folk lived in.
Her people also lived in tents. Portable homes that can be set up anytime anywhere. And, of course, one cannot be struck dead by falling stones. Just the sight of the arrangement of tents makes her think of her people, her parents, and her childhood. Her heart aches and she can feel tears pricking in her eyes. Quickly she rubs them away and hopes that Katsuki mistakes them as the result of the cold wind piercing her eyes. She really can't wait to sleep in comfortable leather walls again.
Katsuki's mind is too busy to notice y/n's tears. He's growing more tense with each passing second.
The dragon approaches landing and y/n can make out human figures in between the tents. When the dragon's feet stand firm on the ground, a bunch of rough-looking men walk towards the dragon with loud roaring. For a second, y/n thinks the men are going to attack them until Katsuki lets out a triumphant howl in return.
Katsuki jumps from the dragon and his men immediately tackle him. Katsuki laughs and shoves the men away playfully. Y/n feels awkward watching him greet his friends from atop the dragon, so she carefully demounts the dragon by herself. The motion grabs the men's attention.
„A woman?“, a blonde man says with his eyes as big as saucers. „I thought you wanted to go hunting. You should've taken us with you when you planned to raid a place!“, another man complaints. Katsuki shoves him roughly.
„I wasn't on a raid, you dumb fucks. Basically, found that one roaming the woods.“, he tells them.
„Our chief is a lucky one then, heh?“, the blonde grins, „Is she a good fuck? Or you kept her decent so one of us can have her?“.
Katsuki shoots the blonde an angry glare. „Shut the fuck up, Denki. That one's mine, you got that.“, he growls.
The blonde named Denki raises his hands in defeat. „Alright, chief. But what will your mother say about that?“, Denki teases. Katsuki stomps his feet.
„I'm chief and that old hag needs to bow to my decisions.“, he shoots back.
It doesn't go unnoticed by him how his men exchange uncertain glances. While Katsuki took over the regiment a few years ago, the former chief of the tribe, his mother, still holds a certain power over people.
Y/n walks closer to the men and gives the men uncertain smiles.
„Why is she dressed like this?“
„She's so small. You sure she's gonna make it around here? Their kind is not known for being mountain-weather-resistant.“
„Are her boobs big? And her hips wide enough?“
The men swarm her trying to get a good look at her. Y/n feels really uncomfortable and, by the way the men look at her, she's worried they'll try to tear the clothes off of her.
Katsuki steps in between them. „Y'all shut the fuck up. Get your asses to work. Unload the dragon, and take care of the stag! Tonight we feast!“, he yells at them and grabs y/n's arm.
The men get to work and Katsuki wordlessly drags y/n behind him deeper into the settlement. More men wait outside their tents. Upon seeing Katsuki's angry face, they decide against greeting their leader. Nobody wants to deal with Katsuki in a bad mood. They also oogle at the woman at his side.
Y/n searches for women among them to no avail. Where are they?, she wonders. Do they stay in the tents? Are they with the kids?
She doesn't find an answer to her question. Then, Katsuki arrives at his destination. A large, painted tent in the middle of the settlement. There's a small brick hut attached to its side. One of the only stone constructions y/n spotted so far.
Katsuki leads her inside. Once inside, he lets go of her arms and throws the knife he was holding onto a table at the side. Y/n looks around carefully.
There's a large bed with furs and other blankets in the middle of the room. There are multiple wooden chests on the side of the tent.
There is a small table and two chairs on the other side. And there are weapons. A lot of them. Hanging from the ceiling. In buckets on the ground. Thrown carelessly onto the trunks.
Y/n is pretty sure that this must be Katsuki's tent.
"Y/n", Katsuki says sternly. Y/n turns around carefully. Katsuki says something that sounds like an order and y/n stares at him with furrowed brows. We really have to work on this language thing, she thinks to herself while shrugging helplessly to make him see that she doesn't understand a thing.
Katsuki sighs. He grabs her arm and pulls her to the side of the tent. Behind the table, there is an opening in the tent that is closed off with another piece of leather. Pulling it away, Katsuki reveals the entrance to the small brick hut y/n saw from the outside.
He pulls her inside and a sort of bathroom comes into sight. It's sparsely furnished but has everything that is needed. In the middle of the hut is a bathtub that is already filled with steaming water.
Katsuki points at her, then the water and says: "Bath!". Y/n nods and repeats the words. Katsuki nods and turns to leave.
The hot water feels good on y/n's skin. The cool mountain air already cooled down y/n's body and she's glad she can warm herself up a bit. Also, she hasn't washed herself since before the festival at the village. Now that she thinks about it, she must really stink. She wonders if Katsuki noticed.
Embarrassed, she scrubs her skin until it is burning. Katsuki's tribe must not care too much about smells at least there are no nice soaps or scented oils in the bathroom. Just an odorless curd soap. After y/n dried herself off, she wished she had some of that bee wax lotion that her mother made. Her mother always put some lavender oil in it which y/n find quite relaxing.
When she's done, she wraps the towel she found in the hut around her body. She doesn't want to put on her old dress since it's all sweaty and gross.
Katsuki isn't in the tent when she returns. She sits down on the bed while she waits for him. When she grows cold again, she loses the wet towel and wraps herself in one of the blankets.
After a while, the opening to the tent is lifted and Katsuki steps back into the room. He acknowledges her with a curt nod.
Y/n hops off the bed wrapped in the blanket. "Can I borrow some clothes from you?", she asks him. When she sees he doesn't understand, she holds up her dress and repeats: "Clothes?".
"Clothes?", he repeats and looks at the dress and then at her. Y/n can see the wheels in Katsuki's head turning. Suddenly, his eyes widen and he looks at the dress and then at her in realization.
The realization is that y/n is naked underneath the blanket.
Katsuki swallows hard. There's a naked woman wrapped in his blanket in his tent. Quickly, he tries to shake off the thought. He starts rummaging through the chests for some clothes for her.
He finds a woolen shirt and linen pants. He doesn't have any female clothes and he makes a note to get some for her tomorrow.
Katsuki throws the clothes at y/n and y/n almost drops the blanket. Katsuki wishes she would drop it. He's curious about how she looks naked. So, he tries his luck and keeps looking at her expectantly. Maybe she'll change in front of him.
She doesn't. Actually, Katsuki staring at her makes her a bit angry. It's rude, she thinks. "Turn around!", she tells him and makes a rotating movement with her index finger.
Katsuki waits another moment in hopes she will change her mind but then turns around. It takes all the self-restraint he possesses not to peek.
When he feels her hand on his arm, he turns around again.
"Socks?", y/n asks and shows him her naked feet and Katsuki scrambles for some socks. The socks are way too big for y/n but they are thicker than her own socks.
Y/n feels a lot better now that she wears some fresh clothes even though she must look ridiculous since the clothes are way too big for her and not something a woman would ever wear.
Katsuki however can't take his eyes off her. He hasn't taken her on as his mate yet and the fact that she wears his clothes is so... intimate to him. Like she's already his.
Y/n wraps the blanket around herself again since it's still way too cold for her in the tent. Katsuki leads her to the bed and makes her sit down.
He looks at her for a moment and pets her head for a second before telling her: "Stay here".
Y/n sighs deeply. She already learned what "stay" means. He must've told her a thousand times already. But, she doesn't complain.
She's tired and not in the mood to be confronted with his strange men outside. She just nods at him and lays down. Katsuki tucks her in and presses a kiss to her forehead.
When Katsuki leaves, it doesn't take long before y/n's eyes get droopy and she slips into a slumber.
Somewhen when the sun's already down, she is woken up by loud yelling outside. There are sounds of a celebration but y/n is too tired to care. She just pulls a pillow over her head and goes back to sleep again.
She's woken up roughly by Katsuki shaking her uninjured shoulder. He holds a steaming plate into her face.
Suddenly, y/n is awake in a second. Her stomach is grumbling. While y/n eats, Katsuki disappears into the stone hut.
The food is delicious. It's the stag meat and some form of mashed potatoes but spicier. While y/n eats, she notices how quiet it has gotten outside.
Seems like the party's over, she thinks when Katsuki returns to the main room again.
The food almost falls out of y/n's mouth.
He's naked. Absolutely butt-naked. He's not even trying to hide his manhood.
Y/n throws a pillow at him.
"What?", Katsuki snarks and y/n throws another pillow at him.
When he turns fully around at her to scold her for throwing things at him, y/n slaps her hands in front of her eyes.
"Tsk", Katsuki exclaims but has to hide his grin, "What? Did you expect me to act all innocent like you? This is my home, y'know. Also, you should get used to it!"
Y/n doesn't move until Katsuki puts on some proper clothes (which for him is thin linen pants and that's it) and even then her face is still burning red.
Katsuki lays down next to her and props up his head. Even though y/n's appetite is dimmed after the naked encounter, she finishes the plate to not seem ungrateful.
After she's put the plate away on the table, Katsuki grabs her waist when she returns to his bed. While it takes y/n by surprise, she doesn't fight it. Before she knows it, she's pinned beneath him and his lips are on hers.
Katsuki kisses her feverishly, starved even. As if he's been waiting all evening to kiss her. Which, to be fair, he did. The action overwhelms y/n for a second but when Katsuki doesn't pull back and y/n wraps her head around it, she kisses back.
Katsuki lets his hands wander. He avoids any body parts that get him hit with a pillow, at least for now. Y/n mirrors his actions and runs her hands up and down his arms and back.
Katsuki forces his tongue into y/n's mouth which she gladly accepts. With a dizzy head, she acknowledges that Katsuki is an extremely good kisser. At least to her. Not that she kissed that many people before.
When Katsuki starts pressing open-mouthed kisses onto her neck and collarbone, y/n lets out a breathy sigh. Katsuki's mouth and hands on her just feel too good.
While Katsuki's dick has been hard before this, it jumps at the sound y/n makes.
There's nothing more in the world he wants right now than tearing the clothes off of her and exploring every inch of her body with his mouth.
He knows it's off-limit until they become mates and for a second he contemplates if making her come on his tongue really breaks the rules since he's technically not mating her. He decides not to test the rage of the gods.
He detaches from her neck and rolls over facing her. Y/n is left lying on her back, breathing heavily.
"You asshole", she tells him and Katsuki has to laugh.
She turns to him and Katsuki opens his arms to her. Y/n crawls into his embrace while Katsuki pulls a heavy blanket over both of them.
For a while, they lay in silence. Katsuki strokes over y/n's back and presses a kiss onto her forehead every now and then. Somewhen Katsuki's movements become slower and eventually, they stop.
He must've fallen asleep, y/n thinks. Meanwhile, she's wide awake. She snuggles deeper into Katsuki's chest and listens to his soft, steady breathing.
Somehow, she feels at ease. Even though she's been brought to this place and its strange men. She should probably feel anxious about what happens tomorrow but she can't find it in her to stress out about it.
All thoughts eventually spin back to Katsuki and how she's sure that whatever happens, Katsuki will protect her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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How would Jason Grace spoil you? boyfriend hcs list
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author's note: ik i have an angsty jason grace prompt in my asks and i swear im working on it! But this idea just popped up on my mind and I've been thinking about it all night yesterday omgg. Let me know if you guys want a Leo/Percy/Frank version of this, I mostly write for Jason since he's my bbg but I might actually do the others this time since the idea is so cute!
I'll start off by saying, Jason is a selfcare supporter bf.
Okay so yk how the Romans in CJ have such high standards? They literally exhibit royal/regal energy, and are super fans of luxury stuff.
Jason despite being influenced by greeks would always be a roman. Whether he likes it or not, there will always be roman blood in him. So he makes these cute/simple ideas for dates/gifts but his execution is just pure sophistication. He's SO simple yet so fancy, and Ik they're contradictions but I promise I'll explain.
like this boy would make sure to run you a nice warm roman bath after you come back from a dangerous/tiresome quest to ease your muscles. Cute and simple right? Wrong. This man would buy all sorts of expensive bath perfumes, bath bombs, fragranted petals, etc to make it extra special for you.
See so this is what I mean when I say his ideas are cute, but executed in a very fancy way.
He LOVES spoiling you with self care products, like sheet masks, lotion, cleansers, hair masks, etc. like he simply does NOT care about the money, as long as his girl is taking care of herself?? That's all that matters tbh
This is mostly because Jason, as a kid soldier, never had any time for himself, the closest thing he's ever done to "selfcare" is probably take long baths + trim his hair lol
jason was blessed with his mother's ethereal actress beauty okay. So selfcare or no self care would have zero effect on him physically bc bro would still look majestic.
ANYWAYS he feels like his inner child just kinda heals when he sees you prioritising yourself and he admires it sm :((
would be ecstatic if you rope him into self care. He would be sceptical at first but then as you're applying a face mask on him he'd be like "wait this is actually so relaxing what" and you love the way his face muscles soften at that. Like he really deserves a break and some relaxation, you'd often trick him into using your skincare products intentionally bc he deserves self care.
once he felt so soothed with the lemon facemask he was wearing that he fell asleep on your shoulder and was all zzz 🥺
and would make sure to restock all your products if they run out.
he feels that the self-care has more of a mental and emotional effect on him rather than physical
Which is what matters to him
honestly?? He supports you if you want to wear makeup. Like he'd think you look gorgeous either way but if you like wearing lipgloss? So be it. You get any lipgloss you want he's paying. He just LOVES that you love yourself too :( and would do anything to make you feel comfortable.
also
Food.
This man loves investing on food. Again, it's bc he never even had the time to properly eat as a legionnaire :(
So he'd love to take you out to places and just munch on tasty food and talk. New Rome has bomb food okay. Bro just never got to eat them.
Lmao he's like everyone's grandma when it comes to food. "Have you eaten? You HAVE to eat!! I'll get you food! Go back to your room!"
would spoonfeed you soup if you're sick bc nuh uh you ain't going without eating hun 😤
hes the worried anxious mother hen bf okay fight me.
Food + selfcare = Jason Grace's love language
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moiravim · 1 year
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Let it Out.
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Overprotective!Bucky x gn!yn
hurt/comfort
Summary: YN gets kidnapped by hydra during a mission. Bucky saves and comforts them.
TW:blood, weapons, hydra
Working with the avengers, you knew there was a chance of getting hurt on missions. What you didn't expect was to be used as bait for Hydra, causing you to be captured by them.
You'd been with them for a week and all they've done is torture you in an attempt to get information out of the avengers.
By now you were just wishing that someone would do or say something to get you out of here.
Bucky had been on a mission with Sam when he came back to see that you were still gone.
He knew you should have been back by now so it worried him more than it usually would have.
He went straight to Steve to ask where you were and Steve told him the truth. "What the hell do you mean by they're with Hydra?!?" Bucky yells.
Steve's voice softens as he responds "It was the only way..." Bucky glares at him before storming off.
He then went to Clint, who had been on the mission with you. "Where are they? Where's yn." Clint looked at him with sad eyes.
He gives Bucky the location of the hydra base, but refuses to help find you. "It's too much of a risk" Clint defends himself.
"You put YN at risk!" Becky argues back before leaving the compound with nothing but a few weapons.
He goes into the car Tony had lent him and immediately starts driving to the location Clint had given him.
You continue to cry as a man just in a doctor's uniform cuts into your skin. "Shhh... There's no reason to cry" The man says, causing you to cry harder.
The two of you hear gunshots coming from the hallway outside of the metal door. The man sets down his tools and walks out through the back door.
Your sobs grow louder as the gunshots get closer. 'How could this possibly get worse' you think to yourself.
The door is broken open and you squeeze your eyes shut.
"Oh baby.. oh baby, what did they do to you.." you hear a recognizable voice say. You peek your eyes open to see Bucky.
He unrestrains you and carries you with his right arm while holding his gun in his left hand. "You're safe now. It's okay. It's okay, let it all out."
You slowly stop crying as he carries you out of the Hydra base and into his car. You fall asleep on the car ride home while Bucky carefully drives you.
By the time you wake up, you're in the medical Wing of the avengers Tower. You're covered in fluffy blankets with your favorite flowers on your bedside table.
A soft plush of your favorite animal is rested under your arm and Bucky is rested on a chair next to your bed.
You smile as you look around at the warm room. Bucky starts to move, slowly waking up. He smiles when he sees your wake and asks; "are you okay?".
You nod and smile back at him. He rubs your shoulder with his hand and places a kiss on your forehead.
"I won't ever let them hurt you again.." He states protectively.
And it was true. Bucky became much more protective over you, refusing to let you go on missions without him. He didn't trust anyone else around you.
He helped you heal and get better both mentally and physically. Whenever you cry he'd hold you and encourage you not to hide your emotions.
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whimsicalpoet44 · 2 years
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Astrology Observations (Based on my experience)
Remember, this is just my observations from my interactions with others and reading charts. If this doesn't apply to you, that's okay!!
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Scorpio Risings struggle with being liked by those around them. This could be due to the fact that they reflect others unhealed wounds back to them, causing their colleagues to avoid them. They also appear intimidating, but they're honestly one of the most pure and beautiful placements in astrology (imo). They have big hearts and are full of love they want to give to everyone.
Cancer placements won't listen to anyone, but themselves. They always try to mother everyone around them, but they won't let others do the same in return. They often channel this unmet need in their romantic relationships, evading care from family and friends by pouring everything into their romantic relationships. (Please, let others take care of you. You need a break)
12th house synastry gets a bad rep, but it's not always a bad thing. Those with 12th house synastry learn a lot from each other and often float in and out of one another's lives repeatedly. They never forget one another. If they haven't done the necessary healing work though, it can be quite catastrophic. (But they always find their way back again somehow)
Heavy pisces/12th house placements accidentally astral project. A lot. They have wild dreams and often end up in places they shouldn't be in the astral. Most of them don't even realize that this is what's happening. They also tune into other dimensions and channel ideas when they create.
12th house stelliums have a difficult childhood and seem to thrive for a short period of time, before they struggle again. The fears developed in childhood usually lay within their natal chart. They spend a majority of their mid-late 20s conquering these fears so they can continue thrive after their Saturn return.
Sag moons have severe road rage. They can go from cruising to honking their horn and right back to cruising in seconds.
Aquarius in the 2nd house struggle to find their path in life, but once they do - success is abundant. This is because they usually take a non-traditional route. Think HGTV jobs. They'll be a cake tester making hundreds of thousands a year. No one knows how they manage it. They don't even know. It just works.
Scorpio in the 7th house is a tough placement. These individuals struggle with building and maintaining familial relationships.
Scorpio stelliums struggle with letting people in. They're incredibly stubborn and will ice others out to prove a point. They take time to warm up to new concepts and will often live in a state of denial until they can no longer do so. However, once they lean into the transformation, they do great! They exert more energy trying to avoid the transformation than just going through it.
Capricorn risings are thought to always have it together, but most of them are just out here winging it the best they can. If they don't have a goal to achieve, they'll find one on their way. They can walk into any situation and point out exactly what needs to be fixed. The downside to this is that employers/bosses will often find them intimidating, fearing that they may take their jobs. This is why they often go into entrepreneurship. It's to avoid all of the obstacles that stand in their way. (coming from a cap rising)
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Everlark (Catching Fire, Ch. 11)
probably one of my fave everlark-heavy chapters and one i believe is so important and so huge for their relationship development. it's long but please bear with me because it's such a great chapter and there's so much to say and it'll be worth it!!! this is my best one
i love how haymitch and peeta have just become a part of katniss's family. like they don't seem out of place just sitting playing chess in her house.
peeta instantly picking up on her being hurt when she makes that noise and holding her steadily once he does
peeta carrying katniss up the stairs and tucking her into bed
katniss catching and holding his hand to keep him there and trying to fight off her lowered inhibitions due to the sleep syrup. that whole 'drunk words are sober thoughts' thing. she's fighting hard to 'control her tongue' but man, i wish she would've let go. there she goes keeping secrets from us again as the unreliable narrator
her holding his hand against her face, him warming her hand in his own. ugh. HANDS.
"stay with me" - the fact that she doesn't tell us what peeta says here but we know from mockingjay that he says 'always.' more evidence that peeta was endgame, carefully constructed by suzanne collins herself, from chapter one of book one
peeta being a husband and making sure katniss gets her daily cheese buns. for so much of the trilogy so far, we have seen gale be synonymous with providing for katniss and her family through hunting but peeta was that figure when he gave her the burnt bread and he's also that figure now, constantly providing her family with bread, keeping them fed and warm.
it is so IMPORTANT that katniss includes peeta in her family plant book project. it is her family book, passed on through generations. her mother and father worked on it together. it is so deeply hers and she lets him in. she lets him become a part of her family book by asking him to draw the pictures and including him in the process. i actually can't overstate the importance of this. this is something they do together that also later, after the war, becomes a crucial part of their healing process (and haymitch also ends up contributing - family!). at this point in the trilogy, he is her family.
i'm just going to include most of this passage and do a full on analysis of it because it is IMPORTANT:
I like to watch his hands as he works, making a blank page bloom with strokes of ink, adding touches of colour to our previously black and yellowish book. His face takes on a special look when he concentrates. His usual easy expression is replaced by something more intense and removed that suggests an entire world locked away inside him. I've seen flashes of this before: in the arena, or when he speaks to a crowd, or that time he shoved the Peacekeepers' guns away from me in District 11. I don't know quite what to make of it. I also become a little fixated on his eyelashes, which ordinarily you don't notice much because they're so blond. But up close, in the sunlight slanting in from the window, they're a light golden colour and so long I don't see how they keep from getting all tangled up when he blinks. One afternoon, Peeta stops shading a blossom and looks up so suddenly that I start, as though I were caught spying on him, which in a strange way maybe I was. But he only says, "You know, I think this is the first time we've ever done anything normal together." "Yeah," I agree. Our whole relationship has been tainted by the Games. Normal was never a part of it. "Nice for a change."
her fully checking him out as he works, his hands, his eyelashes. katniss describes him so poetically, like the sunshine slanting in from the window. what a romantic setting. she is constantly talking about him in sunlight (this is just one example) and it's like, in her eyes, there's always this glow around him, this light radiating from him. and then she gets caught checking him out.
peeta can make a blank page bloom with colour. and there we go with the language of growth again. this boy who radiates hope, possibility for katniss. this boy that she associates with life and with the growth of dandelions. he breathes life into things - in this case, her family book.
katniss is so intrigued by and deeply, carnally into his intensity. like she is down bad for him here. all her examples are examples of him protecting her: in the arena, in interviews, from the peacekeepers. she is so into this charming, dominant, protective, passionate side of him that i don't know how people can say she isn't romantically/sexually into him. like the proof is there. she doesn't know what to make of it because this side of him scratches an itch that she hasn't allowed herself to confront until now (and not even now, because she's unsure here but it's there. and we know she'll confront it after the war when she mentally can)
so far, katniss has been thinking that her relationship with peeta is the capitol's design. it is overwhelmed the the games, by the capitol, by snow, by the cameras, the flashing lights, the crowds, the having to 'act up' element of it, that katniss is constantly trying to tell herself that her connection to peeta is inauthentic in so many ways. but here, we see them in a 'normal' moment. a quiet intimate moment. a moment just for them. and it seems like bliss. removed from all the other capitol-forced elements, they choose to sit together and work on her family book and it is such a truly lovely moment for them. and it's not singular. while katniss is injured, they do it for a lengthy time. and i think that this particular chapter, this particular era of their relationship, post-victory tour and pre-quarter quell announcement, is when their relationship really develops to the point of katniss fully being in love with him. i think she was falling for him long before, and the victory tour also solidified them more but here, removed from the games and the capitol, given a sense of normalcy, i think katniss really got a taste of what life with peeta would be like, in all his shades. his kindness, his goodness, his intensity. she was thinking about all of it. him carrying her up and down stairs, bringing her bread, showing his passion/artistic talents, him just being there for her and her family, him looking after and protecting her despite her 'choosing' gale, how he looks, how he works, how he smiles and laughs, how he touches her. because of these days, she gets to the point where she's willing to die and leave prim and her mother behind to ensure peeta lives.
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chazzielynx · 2 months
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Milo and Sweetheart Angst Time
Ever since the Sweetheart-heals-Milo-after-his-hike audio, I can't stop thinking about the possible angst that their new healing skills can lead to.
(I apologise if this has been done before)
Something happens, Milo gets heavily insured, and I mean heavily, Sweetheart has already been using some of their magic on whatever did that to him but now they're running over to him.
CW: blood, injuries, character(s) near death, implied death? (meant as an open end)
"Oh god Milo, no, no, no, no."
Their usually so feisty shifter is lying in front of them with his hands on his side as they kneel down next to him. The smell of blood is everywhere. Milo's eyes are vaguely open but his mouth curls into a pain-twisted smile when he sees his mate's face above him.
"There's my sweetheart." He barely manages to get the words out.
"shhhh, Milo, don't speak" Sweetheart's adrenaline kicks into gear as they gently put their hands on his. Their core is already reaching out to his warmth when Milo coughs, small specks of blood landing on his cheeks.
"Sweetheart, no." There's pain in his voice. They can't make out whether it's because of his wounds or because he's worrying about them. "It's too much." He whines as he feels his mate's magic trying to pull his muscles back together. "Too deep - your magic - can't-"
He is trying with all that is left in him to tell them that their powers have limits. That his wounds need more. He doesn't even think about the oh so obvious fact that his partner has no intention of giving up. No intention of only using their powers in a reasonable way. No intention of letting him bleed. And absolutely no intention of staying alive if it meant that he died.
They close their eyes, knowing that their next move will hurt him more before the pain is gone. They move his almost lifeless hands away from the deep wound, blood already flowing as they press their hands on it.
Milo cries out in pain. Black fog overpowering every thought in his mind. His eyes are shut, his body uses the last energy it has left to impulsively jerk his upper body up before falling back onto the ground, making him whine from the impact.
But then he can feel it. The warmth that he is so familiar with. The warmth he reaches out for when he bridges with his mate. It travels from muscle to muscle, cut to cut, bruise to bruise. Like a wave of sunlight.
His brain is barely able to comprehend what is happening, covered in the haze that healing magic leaves behind.
Warm. So warm. Feels good. Are they bridging with me? What is- oh that feels good. Less pain. Can feel my legs again.
The cause of this warmth is panting now. They are pouring all that is in them into their partner, their love, their mate.
They are already kneeling, but their knees, their upper body and their arms are losing their strength rapidly, barely able to hold themselves up now.
They can feel it. Their core is not just dying, it is rotting from the inside. A black hole growing where their powers used to be.
"I love you" they whisper. "So much."
With one last grunt, one last push, one last attempt to save him, they move every ounce of magic they have left into his skin. Their vision blurrs as they collapse next to the shifter.
A few seconds pass. Both of them panting. But Milo's breath gets deeper and more steady. His partner's gets quieter.
Milo's eyes snap open when his mind finally catches up with the situation. He is still on his back, so the face that he saw before is now gone from his vision.
"Sweetheart?!" He sits up, looking to his left and only then to his right where he sees them. He gasps, his hands reaching for his partner on the ground. Their eyes closed, mouth slightly open, barely breathing.
If they didn't look so fragile, he would shake them. "Sweetheart!!" he doesn't even notice his own voice shaking with held back tears.
"no no no no no, NO" now the shifter is trying to reach out to them with his magic. But the healing magic haze is still strong. His powers barely starting to recover. And truthfully, his mother might have taught him how to heal, but this is no case for basic healing magic anymore.
Still, the desperation overpowers every reasonable thought he has. He tries to reach their core. But he almost throws up when all he finds is a strange, rotten feeling.
The tears are streaming down his face. His cries for help reaching far, yet no one is able to hear them.
A shifter holding onto a stealth. One heartbeat quickening from fear. One slowing down more and more.
His forever gave their warmth to him and is now getting cold.
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thefrogdalorian · 4 months
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I love Din Djarin for so many reasons. But I really love the fact that he isn't just an unequivocally good guy. Despite the level of care we see he has for Grogu, including breaking his Creed, and the multiple times he risks his life for various strangers.... you know there's still a dark past there. 
Din's response to the various traumas he suffered is precisely what makes him such a complex, engaging character to me. In my opinion, it's refreshing to see a realistic portrayal of how suffering terrible loss at an early age can fundamentally alter a person's outlook on life. Deep down, I think he has always been the caring person we begin to see that he is after he encounters Grogu. But the horrific way he lost his parents and was torn from his homeworld and taken in by a secretive, secluded group, who must have seemed impossibly strange to him due to the way they hid their faces. That, combined with Din having to hide his face from such an early age, I think, buried all of that goodness within him somewhere deep inside.
Characters that endure terrible things but come out as human sunshine that treat everyone with kindness and patience, I don't find as engaging because I don't think it's realistic. Any trauma, at any age, fundamentally alters you... whether you realise it at the time or not. 
I don't think Din has ever stopped to really process what happened to him. It seems he spent much of his adult life running around the galaxy from job to job for various nefarious entities to distract himself from those difficult emotions. 
But everything changes with Grogu, who I think could sense the goodness in him right away. This tiny child who was so terrified and traumatised, who had to hide his powers for so many years was so keen to physically heal Din pretty much immediately. Yet Grogu goes on to heal Din in unseen ways, too.
With Grogu, I think we see Din beginning to process his past as he cares for the child and protects him from threats in the galaxy. The only time we ever hear Din laugh is the last time they're in the Razor Crest together, right before Grogu was taken on Tython. Din didn't just lose Grogu's physical presence in his life that day on Gideon's light cruiser, he something intangible that was helping him to process his past.
After he stood there that day on the bridge with tears in his eyes, the next time we see Din, he's regressed to his old ways. A nameless, faceless bounty hunter: "I can bring you in warm or I can bring you in cold." 
So, I cannot even imagine how much it meant to Din that Grogu chose to come back to him. I truly hope that fact was communicated to him, or maybe Din could just sense it, given their bond. That was the final push Din needed, giving him the self esteem to continue to allow others in and get close to people again, like we see in season 3. 
With any kind of trauma, there is so much work to be done to address it and heal. It's a long, difficult and often lonely process. But Din is now going through that, thanks to Grogu. 
There is no doubt that Din Djarin has done terrible things, but there is also no doubt that he wants to be a better person. For his son... but also, hopefully, for himself. 
Now, Din deserves to rest. Now, he's no longer outrunning his past and distracting himself by hunting bounties for criminals. Now, he can find some peace as he watches his son outside the cabin they share together on Nevarro. 
It will never take the trauma away... but it will give him a brighter tomorrow. 
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mmavverickk · 5 months
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Pjo hadcanon, - demigods don't really suffer from PTSD, they can't suffer emotionally at all or are as blunted as possible.
They are disconnected from their feelings/emotions and cannot react to bad things Like ordinary people.
They are frighteningly indifferent to any pain, mental or physical - the pain from physical injuries or something emotional lingers for a maximum of a couple of weeks and then disappears into oblivion like a morning mist. grief passes easily and quickly, fear disappeared in a few minutes, the risk of pleasant waves of adrenaline warming the blood.
And they are prone to sadism and any enjoyment of any kind of violence.
It doesn't matter if it's over yourself, a monster, a mortal, or another demigod.
They are always happy to use weapons or hands/abilities.
These children learn to hold weapons, wear armor and be able to cause serious harm, as soon as they enter the camp, do not expect anything normal/correct or at least explicable from them.
They are not human, they - living weapons, expertly crafted from golden divine blood and mortal flesh.
They were born to fight and die in battle with a blissful smile on their lips.
They were born with broken souls and sick minds.
It's just that someone is bigger, someone is smaller.
this is a fun headcanon, but i want to put a bit of an angstier spin on it:
these children are human, but only partly. they can suffer PTSD. they know what's happened to them, what's been done to them, is wrong. they can suffer flashbacks and repressed memories and trouble sleeping and nightmares and intrusive thoughts and panic attacks and depression and apathy. they do suffer it. but they always get back up. there's surety in their recovery, and there's tragedy in it. they can't stop, can't falter, can't take time to process, can't slow down enough to work through their trauma before the next terrible thing happens.
these demigods are too inhuman to move at a normal pace. they have too much mythical strength in their bones and their blood to stop for any amount of time and heal. they throw themselves at each threat that comes their way like a battering ram with terrifying speed and strength and awareness. it just builds, and builds, and builds until they die or they break.
(sometimes, they think the ones who do die are the lucky ones.)
maybe it's the ever-growing trauma. maybe it's the divinity in their veins. maybe it's something entirely new, entirely too human to be godly, but too godly to be human. maybe they've just finally snapped.
some slowly feel their grasp on reality slipping. what time is it? did they sleep through a whole day again? when did they get to the lava wall? how did they reach the top, and is that a real burn on their hand? it doesn't hurt. is that a camper, or a monster? did the border fail? are those heavy footsteps outside the cabin real? are they really still alive, or is this their eternal punishment for failing succeeding?
some watch as their moral code slips through their fingers like sand. they'll fight as hard as they have to to save their siblings and their allies. they'll kill any monsters that come their way. maybe, they'll kill any demigods, too. maybe even humans. maybe they couldn't save someone, but the battle was still a victory. maybe that sacrifice was necessary to win. maybe sacrifices are okay, to minimize the damage. maybe damage is okay, so long as the enemy dies. maybe, just maybe, a pyrrhic victory is worth it, no matter who was lost, so long as they're still standing at the end of it all.
some stop feeling. it starts as depression. is winning wars worth it if they couldn't save everyone? their sibling died, their friends and lover died, and the world still turns on, cold and unfeeling. maybe cold and unfeeling is the way to go. maybe joy is unnecessary in the long run. maybe sadness is, too. maybe it will make things better. they pick themselves up, resume their routine. everything is normal. archery practice. lava wall. weapon smithing. capture the flag. everything is normal. everything is numb. why should the gods care when their children can't even manage it?
some turn violent. they grew up in war, training endlessly, fighting battle after battle, the only thing standing between the world and its doom. what is there to do now that the war is over, is won, than train more? practice weapons they've never tried, master moves they've never managed. kill in ways they've never thought of. they grew up in war. what good are they without it? what good is a weapon, just sitting around, gathering dust? maybe hurting people isn't right, but if it makes them feel something, isn't it worth it?
it's a cold world. it's not meant for children, human children. those children evolve to survive, and what they turn into barely resembles their mortal parentage. it's a dog eat dog world, survival of the fittest, and the unlucky ones? the ones that didn't die? the ones stuck in their trauma and PTSD and broken minds? they have to figure out how to live in it.
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rorywritesjunk · 4 months
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Suppose I never ever let you Kiss me so sweet
Your healing powers are limited to one person a day but that doesn't keep Buggy from demanding you heal him. Rating: PG-13ish. They kiss. It's kinda fluffy as well. Warning: Broken ankle, bratty Buggy, Reader teases and mocks Buggy (playfully). Established relationship. I think they're married? Kissing. Suggested themes near the end. Devil Fruit powers causing discomfort (Not sure if that's really a thing but I've seen folks talk about it lately and decided to run with it). A/N: Request from @chochotorianime10 "hey Love your buggy stories. I was hoping I could request a buggy and s/o that has healing powers like Karin from Naruto thank you!!!(sorry if I spelled anything wrong.)" This was fun to write. Thank you for the request! I hope you enjoy it. Title comes from "Fidelity" by Regina Spektor.
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“Listen, Cabaji, just bite my arm and you'll heal, okay?”
The acrobat could only stare at you in mild horror, eyes darting between you, your arm, and the captain that was hovering over the two of you, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched how this would play out.
It was just a broken ankle, that much you were able to tell when he fell off the unicycle with his foot catching in the spoke and pulling it down on top of him. While it had been hilarious to watch, almost happening in slow motion, you were at his side immediately, untangling him from the small wreckage before looking for injuries. 
“I-I 'm just fine. I don't need to… bite you.” 
“Oh, so you don't want to walk properly again?” You shrugged as you started to stand up. “Okay, then that's fine with me. I can't force you to do anything.
“Cabaji, stop being an ass.” Buggy said. “Bite her damn arm.”
He knew what your abilities were capable of. While Buggy found it a little harder to get hurt with his Devil Fruit powers, he wasn't invincible. He sometimes needed healing and while the first time you told him to bite you, he thought it was some weird kind of foreplay, but now he was used to it. 
Cabaji really really didn't want to do this but you knelt back down, holding your left arm out to him. He saw blue marks along your arm before he bit into your skin carefully. You didn't move, keeping your eyes on him as a warm aura surrounded him, the pained look in his eyes fading as he started to relax from the pain relief. He pulled back and looked at you with fascination as you stood up, holding your hand out to him. He took it and allowed you to pull himself up, stumbling for a moment but you caught him, steadying him on his feet while he hesitantly put weight on what was his injured ankle.
“How did you-”
“Good, you can walk.” You pulled back from him. “Get your shit out of the way and fix your damn unicycle.” You glanced over at Buggy. “You done with me now, Captain?”
“For now, but don’t go too far.” He told you. You put your hands on your hips and looked at him, giving him a look that said You’re an idiot. It took him a moment to realize why you were looking at him before it dawned on him. “Go get something to eat then, don’t crowd the place! Geez, Doc. Go away, we don’t need you now.”
You grinned cheekily at him before heading off to get a snack. Cabaji couldn’t help but watch you leave before Buggy turned on him. “What are you staring at?! Get back to practicing! Did you hit your head? You should know what to do by now for this shit, Cabaji!”
The acrobat did as he was told, not wanting to face the wrath of his captain.
~
You grabbed yourself a snack before retreating to the bedroom to read a book you found in one of the towns you recently stopped in. You managed to get some supplies you needed before Buggy launched some of the Buggy Balls at it, one of the items being a book to read while you rested. Being able to only heal one person a day was frustrating at times, you wanted to be able to help more people and you had to make the decision on what injury was a priority. Cabaji breaking his ankle was a priority, and you hoped no one else needed help until tomorrow. 
So to keep yourself from overdoing it, you made sure to rest, snack, and do something to pass the time until Buggy finished up for the day, demanding your attention for the evening which you were more than happy to shower him with. 
You were an hour into reading, eating some crackers and cheese when Buggy showed up, looking grumpy as he tossed his coat and kicked his boots off. He was making a fuss about something but you were tuning him out for now, knowing he needed to get that excess bit of energy out before he would relax for the evening. It often meant him pacing around the room, kicking things away if they got into his path, maybe punching a wall before he would settle onto the bed beside you.
Today, however, he paced a few times before stopping at the end of the bed with his arms crossed as he faced you. He cleared his throat a few times, trying to get you to look at him, and finally a hand came and pulled your book out of your hands and tossed it aside. 
“Rough day?” You asked, annoyed that you lost your place in the book. “Y’know, you could have just said something.”
“I shouldn’t have to say something!” He insisted, stomping his foot before he dramatically threw himself down onto the bed beside you, voice now muffled with a pillow when he spoke. “My body hurts and you can’t help me now because you helped Cabaji instead.”
You rolled your eyes and reached over him to grab your book to set it on the nightstand. “You wanted me to. He was a priority, Buggy.”
“Yea, but so am I.” He whined, raising his head just enough to look at you. You patted him on the head and he frowned. “Don’t mock me and my discomfort.”
“Well, Buggy, I’m tapped out for the day.” You reminded him as you leaned down to kiss him on the top of his head. “How about I kiss your boo-boos and make you feel better?”
“Are you making fun of me?”
“No, of course not!” You insisted as you took his bandana off and tossed it aside, running your fingers through his hair. “Well, okay, actually, maybe a little, but mostly because you know Cabaji needed my help more.”
He rolled onto his back and huffed, looking up at you with a frown. “Maybe, but I still deserve your attention.”
“Well, obviously.” You said, rolling your eyes. “How can I forget to shower the Great Captain Buggy, the Genius Jester, with the attention he deserves?”
“Now I know you’re mocking me.”
“Never!” You feigned innocence, both hands on your cheeks as you stared at him, aghast he would accuse you of such a thing. “I love you too much to ever mock you.”
Buggy glared at you before rolling onto his side, his back now to you as he crossed his arms to sulk. You stared at him, the fearsome Captain Buggy acting like a petulant child in that moment. Honestly, you loved him but sometimes you couldn’t help but tease him just a little. Still, you felt just a bit bad, wondering if maybe you went a bit too far, so you leaned over him, your hand on his shoulder as you kissed him on the cheek.
“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings, Buggy.” You murmured softly. He huffed, refusing to look at you. “I can’t heal you but I’ll kiss your booboos to make them feel better, how about that, love?”
“Hmph. You don’t deserve to.” He mumbled back, refusing to look at you. You managed not to roll your eyes, pressing your lips to his cheek, trailing kisses down to his jaw while your hand moved beside his face to turn his head to look at you. Thankfully he toned down the brattiness because he didn’t pop his head off to get away from you. He definitely wanted your attention. 
You pecked him on the lips, grinning down at him as he moved onto his back once more, arms crossed as he glared up at you. “Tell me where it hurts, Buggy, and I’ll kiss it to make it feel better.”
“Everywhere.” He sighed in frustration. 
Buggy had told you how his body sometimes ached from his Devil Fruit powers, the constant popping of his limbs off his body causing some discomfort if he did it too often in a day. He wasn’t in need of healing most of the time, he just wanted your attention which you were fine to give him. 
“Okay, so here?” You asked before kissing him once more on the lips as you moved to straddle him carefully, being mindful in case he was having more discomfort than usual. He uncrossed his arms, resting his hands on the top of his thighs as he relaxed underneath you. When you pulled back, looking down at him, he looked just a bit calmer than when he first came into the bedroom. “Where else, my love? I need you to tell me.”
“Here?” He pointed to the nape of his neck and you wasted no time in leaning down to kiss the spot where he was pointing, nibbling gently at his skin before sitting back up to look down at him. Buggy looked back up at you, obviously trying to think of where else on his body he needed some ‘healing’. You didn’t wait for him to tell you before taking both of his hands in yours, softly kissing his knuckles one by one, the backs of his hands and finally his palms, each brush of your lips over his skin lasting just a few seconds before you moved on to the next one.
“Where else, Buggy?” You asked as you lowered his hands back down. He didn’t respond so you leaned back down to kiss him on the forehead, holding his head carefully in your hands before you began to list off some options for him. “Shoulders? Elbows? Tell me, love.”
“Everywhere.” He mumbled, his eyes wide as he watched you unbutton his shirt, pushing it open before you kissed the base of his throat. He let out a soft moan, his hand back on the top of your thighs as you lingered there, sucking on his skin softly. “Y-Yea, there too, babe. The neck really aches.”
“I know, Buggy.” You chuckled as you pulled back. “Y’know, if your body hurts this much, I may need you to remove the rest of your clothes so I can give you a proper look over.”
He perked up a bit, a mischievous grin appearing on his face. “Is that what the Doctor orders? Get me naked so you can examine me?”
“Afraid so, Buggy.” You told him, shaking your head. “That’s the only way I’ll be able to treat you is if you’re completely naked.”
“You should have said something earlier then!” He sat up abruptly as he started to remove the rest of his clothes. “What else do you recommend, Doc?”
“I recommend staying in bed for the rest of the night.” You said as he tried to remove your pants while you were still on his lap. You put your hands on his to halt his actions for just a moment. “No strenuous exercises, rest, and to let me take care of you.”
Buggy looked up at you, head tilted to the side as he smiled softly at you. His eyes were almost sparkling, full of love now and trust for you, knowing you would always be there to take care of him. “That all, Doc?”
“That’s what the doctor orders, Buggy.” You told him as you gave him a kiss. “Just let me care for you, okay?”
“Okay.” He nodded, leaning into your kiss. “Whatever you want.”
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quietwingsinthesky · 10 months
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actually, no, back to this again. sam should have zero concept of heat post-cage/lucifer possession. he can put as many layers on as he wants, go out in the middle of a summer day, wrap himself in a blanket, stand next to a fire, stand in the fire, and he's still cold. he's always cold.
which leads to problems when he keeps accidentally grabbing things that are hot enough to burn him and not noticing until the damage is already done. he learns to always hesitate before touching anything just in case, eventually. before that, he spends a lot of time with his palms bandaged around re-aggravated burns, nearly healed but for how he tried to cook something the other day and couldn't feel the heat from the stove, didn't pull his hand away until dean shouted at him.
he's cold. he's cold. his body temperature is several degrees lower than it should be, but the one time it gets to 97.6°, outcome of an experiment with castiel to see if they could fix it, he felt like he was having a fever so bad it might kill him. dean never gets used to feeling the chill under his skin whenever he hugs sam. sometimes his breath fogs in front of him. he shies away from spending the night with anyone because they might feel like they're caressing a ghost. he's walking hypothermia, but that's the way his body likes it now.
the thing is, the cold's not a leftover of lucifer's grace. not really. that's not how cold works. it's an absence. (so the cage freezes, so lucifer freezes, because it, because he, is cut off from God.)
one day, sam is finally standing across from lucifer again. and he feels warm.
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mega-aulover · 3 months
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Valentine's Tree
Summary: Valentine's is approaching and everyone is excited about hanging a valentine for their sweetheart on the Valentine's Tree. Katniss doubts she's going to receive one - since she hasn't had one since her father died. Canon Compliant - set five years after the ending but before the epilogue in Mockingjay
Rated M: Katniss is Jealous when she learns Peeta received Valentine. Peeta is so Romantic. Romance. Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, Delly Cartwright, Haymitch Abernathy, - Thanks to @theforgottenweasley for betaing the story-
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The first year Katniss didn't get a Valentine on the Valentine tree was the year her father died. The Valentine's Tree was located near the town, it was where all of the sweethearts hung up their Valentines. No one remembers when the tradition started. Or how it became a District Twelve tradition. All Katniss knew is that seeing the snow-clad tree strung up with hand spun cut out pink, red, and white hearts lifted the spirits of everyone in the district.
It was supposed to be done in secret, but for the established couples or parents leaving Valentines for their spouses or children, it was a sweet task.
Her father used to hang up Valentines for his gals. One for her mother, one for Prim, and one for Katniss. But because Katniss was pretty popular in school, she used to receive many Valentines from all of her classmates. Many of them liked Katniss for her voice, something she inherited from her father.
The year her father died was the year her light dimmed and she stopped singing. Katniss stopped living and started surviving. She had no time for such things, she told herself over and over again, but in her heart, Katniss wanted a Valentine. Every February 14th when she snuck to that tree to hang up Prim's Valentine, she would browse the tree looking for a small token but there wasn't any.
Then Prim was reaped. And Katniss properly forgot about the tree. She lived with a terror more pressing than hunger. Survival became an art form, she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, and the tree sat empty for the first time in memory. When the bombs came, the tree caught fire and was destroyed much like District Twelve.
That was five years ago.
Katniss couldn't believe how time had flown by. After the war, as she and Peeta healed, they grew closer. A week ago they quietly had a Toasting. Haymitch was present and so was Effie. Though, Effie refused to stay with Haymitch and his geese. Thom, District Twelve's Mayor, filled out their paperwork and sent it to the Capitol, requesting to keep their marriage out of the public eye. There was a great interest in the lives of Katniss and Peeta, and it was important to their mental health and safety to keep their lives out of the media.
Since they Toasted, nothing much changed. Peeta still baked in his bakery. Katniss still hunted. They still lived in the Victors Village, though they often switched homes, whose ever house they were in at nightfall was where they slept.
Tonight they were in her home. Peeta was exhausted after working at the bakery and found her making stew. Katniss embraced him as soon as he stepped through the door and had a steaming cup of tea waiting for him. Life was short, and the war had taught her to appreciate the small moments and not just the grandiose spots.
Later that night she was right where she wanted to be, wrapped in his arms. The fireplace was lit and she was dozing off when she heard Peeta say. "You know, they're thinking of bringing back the Valentine's Tree."
"Hmmm," she hummed. Katniss snuggled into his chest, his scent was warm and delicious, much like the savory cheese-buns she had with her tomato soup tonight.
"Delly thinks it will be a nice way to bring back something to the district. She was going to bring it up to Thom."
Katniss nodded, half asleep.
"I remember my first Valentine that wasn't from Delly."
This brings her fully awake.
"Say what?"
READ the rest Here
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call-me-a-simp · 1 year
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Heal My Wounds
Selfharm (Part 6)
Rhea Ripley x Reader
Tw: physical and sexual abuse, toxic relationship, selfharm
Summary: You are in a toxic relationship with an abusive man but manage to run away. A tall, black haired woman picks you up from the streets just in time so your ex doesn't get you. But who is she and why does she seem so familiar to you? As you get to know each other you start to notice weird feelings you never had before whenever she's around.
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You hear a quiet ringing sound and feel a vibration on the table. Rhea resceived a message on her phone. "Hey y/n, the boys are asking if we can spend the day at mine and play some games together. You in?" she asks you.
You never met the other members of the Judgement Day before so you're pretty nervous and considering the situation with your ex you're not really in the mood for meeting other guys at the moment.
"Ye sure, why not" you say. You feel more and more comfortable around Demi but you're still too scared to actually say when something doesn't feel right. "Ok perfect, they're coming around in about an hour, so we have time to get ready" Rhea says and stands up to do the dishes. "I'll go take a shower then." you say and disappear into the bathroom.
You take off your clothes and step under the warm water. You turn the heat all the way up and watch your skin get red from the hot water. It hurts, but it's better than the feeling of him touching you, that still haunts you every time you think about him.
After about twenty minutes you're done showering and walk out to dry yourself off. Your skin is still all red and it hurts when you touch it. You decide to put on a hoodie, at least for some time, so Demi wouldn't notice.
You go back into the bedroom, plop yourself onto the bed and scroll through your phone. After About 15 minutes Demi walks in, only wearing a towel to cover her body.
"Oh hey, I didn't know you're in here" she says and grins at you. "Oh I- uh sorry, I can go if you want me to" you say. "Nah it's fine, I don't mind as long as you turn around." she replies and grabs some clothes out of the closet.
You turn around and hear the towel falling to the ground and Rhea putting on some underwear. "Why are you wearing a hoodie? It's gonna be pretty hot today." she says. You don't Reply and hear Rhea sitting down on the bed to put on some socks.
"Hey" she says and lays down on the bed so her head is about next to your hips and looks at you. "What" you giggle. "I asked you something" she smiles. "I know.." you trail off "I'm just not comfortable enough right now.."
"Why what's wrong? Is it because of the boys?" concern written over her face now. "I can tell them not to come" "No! No, that's fine.." "Then what is it?" Rhea asks and puts her Hand on your arm. You flinch slightly under her touch.
She looks at you confused. "Did I do something wrong?" You sigh, shake your head no and stand up to go.
Rhea grabs your hand and pulls you back onto the bed. You're now lying on your back just like she did before and Demi sits next to you slightly hovering over you.
Rhea looks you deep in the eyes, she doesn't need to say anything. You just sigh again and pull up your sleeve showing her your burned skin.
You turn your head away in embarrassment. "Did you also hurt yourself anywhere else or just here?" Demi whispers.
"Everywhere" you mutter, closing your eyes as tears start to form. "I turned the water to max heat while showering"
"Oh sweetheart" Rhea murmurs "you know you can always talk to me, don't you?". You nod, tears now falling down your face.
Rhea carefully pulls you into a hug, bringing you into a sitting position again. "Thank you" you mutter, burying your head in the crook of her neck.
"I'll cancel the boys today okay?" she says in a low voice. "M-m" you mumble. "What?" "I mean no, you don't need to" you pull away slightly for her to understand you better, just as the doorbell rings.
"Come on then, it's gonna be fun and you can always tell if it's too much okay? Or you just come back in here if you need a break from the boys"
"Okay" you smile, pulling away completely so you both can stand up. Rhea quickly puts on some more clothes.
She obviously didn't want to open the door in her underwear. You then follow her into the hallway and Demi opens the door.
---------------------------------------------------
Part 6, hope you like it. You know the drill by now, leave your suggestions, wishes whatsoever in the comments ;)
Taglist: @thatonepansexual2000
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atraedia · 4 months
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Anxious Times (Syzoth x afab! reader)
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Totally didn't just forget to put a title on this and came up with something in five seconds... It's been so long since I've written anything, so I'm a bit rusty; I've got my own headcanons in the vault and some reqs that I need to start. When I tell you, I will die on a hill for this man. I will defend him to the ends of the Earth. I would be cured of anxiety and become the 'he asked for no pickles' person for him. He could literally tear me in half with his bare hands and burn me with acid, and yet you best believe who's gonna be there with a sign, cheering him on when he's in a fight? - ME. Is Syzoth my favourite character? It's very much possible. I don't even necessarily like him in a typical obsessive way (like he's hot and all that); he reminds me of myself in subtle ways that make me wanna give him a big hug and wish him a good day.
Requested?: Yes. The reader is a human pregnant with Syzoth's kid. Naturally, the pregnancy is risky, considering they're from different species (technically, it shouldn't be possible, but we don't talk about this!). This is essentially a collection of his worries and relief over the stressful period.
Warnings: Mentions of Death (Syzoth's wife and child). Mentions of death during childbirth. Mentions of deformation. Pregnancy itself? Nothing explicit or graphic of any kind.
Syzoth had once lost everything he held close to his heart.
The sudden reveal of what he had always suspected yet steadfastly denied tore a gaping hole through his heart.
Everything he had done in those dungeons, everything he'd overseen in order to protect his family, was for nothing.
The pain had been momentarily dulled by the presence of his peers and soon-to-be allies, but it never went away. His wife had been a painful loss, one that would heal with enough time (though he would never forget the time he spent with her and how she'd accepted him despite the odds).
The loss of his child, however, was a pain nothing could heal - or at least that's what he thought.
___
Syzoth wouldn't have expected his sanctity to come from a human. Nevertheless, here he was, sitting next to you, beautiful and kind, occasionally glancing down at the jewelled necklace he had given you as a courting gift. The first of many.
"I'm pregnant, Sy."
When you gave him the news, he was stuck between two points. One of giving you a bright smile and thanking you for making him a father again, the other was to curl up into a ball and cry if he's being honest. The conflict must've shown on his face because it wasn't long until you were pushing yourself into his cold arms and rubbing circles on his back.
No words were exchanged between you, none were needed.
(As if he needed another reason to worship you)
He had lost one child and lover before, and he couldn't handle losing either (or, gods forbid, both) again. To make things worse, the risks were significantly higher this time.
You were human; he was saurian.
He didn't know much about interspecies relationships, but you were under the impression that it would be highly unlikely (near impossible) that you could get pregnant with him.
A couple hours later, he was pacing in his room near frantically. Maybe his humanoid form is an exception because if you were going to get pregnant - that form seemed like the most likely culprit. Maybe he has some human DNA; hell, maybe that's how he has this ability to begin with.
He remembers some information you had found at the beginning of your relationship (you were going to be in a relationship with another species, after all). The child could end up having a horrid mash-up of features, half-reptile, half-human, and not be able to shift the same way he can. Constantly stuck somewhere between the two for their entire life.
The other Saurians wouldn't like that - he'd never take you to them regardless; they were too volatile and held too much hatred towards anything warm-blooded for him to be comfortable with you being anywhere near his so-called 'kin'.
Of course, he'd sooner die than let anything happen to you, but he was only one person, and he knew the hard way that his people didn't mind ganging up to take out those they see as cursed.
If they found out you were with his child while you were there, it would be a bloodbath. A part of him still wished that his people would be more open-minded so that they might finally welcome him with open arms. Maybe even accept his child as one of them.
He knew now not to believe in false fantasies; they would never change their ways. He could only hope that this child would be given his ability, too. He would not let them interact with other Saurians, not really. He just wanted them to see what his home was like and learn a bit about their culture. He knew that regardless of the child's features, whether they were more zaterran than human or vice versa, they'd be loved the same by their parents.
He was getting ahead of himself, he remembered woefully. There was a chance the child wouldn't survive the birth to begin with; there was a chance that you wouldn't either. Who knew what kind of toll it would take on your body? Who knew if birthing the child would be possible to begin with? It might be one of those issues where pregnancy can be reached, but the child is never viable...
He couldn't lose you; he would not lose you.
He returned to you once he had his mind in some kind of order to discuss the situation some more. He felt terrible. Not because of the child but because he knew that you could see how this was affecting him; he was a horrible liar when it came to you. He knew that you would try to spin this around to accommodate his comfort zone, but this time, he wouldn't let you. Especially not since it concerned you.
Hence his vehement refusal when you asked if the two of you should explore ways of...removing the dilemma. He remembers what you had told him when the two of you started to get really close.
You'd wanted children, and you had been willing to give that opportunity up if it meant you got to live your life with him.
If this was possible, he was going to make it work.
---
The first call of order is to inform friends; at this point, Syzoth is still in a state of shock and is just letting you pull him along. Before long, the two of you arrive at the Shirai Ryu. That makes sense; you'd befriended Tomas and Kuai Liang shortly after their brother's betrayal, and the three of you (Harumi, too) have been close ever since.
Tomas was over the moon to see two of his closest friends and even more so to hear the news. Harumi and Kuai Liang gave their own congratulations. They offered the two of you to stay with the clan for the time being, seeing as you and Syzoth had been living together in a rural area of outworld and would be needing assistance throughout the pregnancy.
The first check-up went well but did nothing to quell Syzoth's worries. It only got worse when you began to experience the typical signs of human pregnancy, like morning sickness (which you were struck with particularly bad) and even more so when you were fit with sudden fatigue (he definitely thought you were dying or going into hibernation).
It felt like he was being punched in the face with the realities of pregnancy in humans, and he wasn't even experiencing it himself. Saurians had no issues as such, the occasional cramp. It could be a side effect of being warm-blooded, he supposes. Either way, it never failed to make him uncomfortable, but despite your protests, the physicians would still check. Each time, it was just the typical signs of pregnancy.
---
It's when the bump starts to show that it really hits him that this is happening. He's simultaneously fascinated and terrified.
"What do you mean the children come out hatched?"
"There's usually only one hatchling?"
It's genuinely like he's going through an entirely different process when compared with his previous relationship.
The poor guy knows next to nothing but stick with him because he's absolutely willing to know every detail if it means they'll be more prepared.
I think the fact that humans usually only give birth to one child per pregnancy soothes his nerves a lot. If you think about it, reptiles usually lay multiple eggs, and then some die before they hatch. I could see it being a pretty devastating process.
He'd probably go into this thinking you were going to have five kids, of which there's a chance none would survive, especially with the mix of DNA. He has no idea how big the child would be, and humans are obviously smaller than Saurians, so he was worried about the chance of you bleeding too much during the birth.
These were worries he'd voice to you in the privacy of your own room, with him laying directly next to you, a hand on the growing bump which had become a common action, listening to your explanations.
If you only have one child, then it should be less strenuous than Saurian births. Then, there was the fact that humans rarely had stillbirths. They would know as soon as the child was born whether or not it would live, and that made him sigh in relief. He didn't think he could handle getting his hopes up waiting for an egg to hatch, only to find out there was no chance to begin with.
Instead of the perpetual fear he held for the two of you, he could now see that there were upsides to the situation. Things in their favour. Still, though, his fears would never go away entirely until the birthing process was done and he saw for himself that you (and hopefully the child) were safe.
___
When the day comes, he feels no more prepared than the day he found out. It was a gentle morning in the Shirai Ryu, and breakfast passed quickly with light laughter among the friends. He'd grown closer to Kuai Liang and Harumi over his time here, having already been good friends with Tomas, and knew for sure that he could rely on them as well with the ever-nearing due date.
It was sometime around noon when things started to heat up a little. Syzoth was walking you back to your shared room so that you could rest your legs and feet a little bit. You'd severely underestimated just how difficult it was to keep your energy up with your daily walks. The exercise was good for the child, you'd been told, and that was the only thing that convinced you to actually do them.
You'd abruptly stopped in your small paces, and the hand wrapped around his bicep tightened while a silent gasp left your mouth. Syzoth stops in near tandem with you and gently places his free hand over your stomach, leaning over a bit to see your face clearly.
"What? What is it, love? What's wrong?" This man is panicking already, and he doesn't even know what's wrong yet. Little does he know that your water just broke; at least you'd been wearing multiple layers and pads.
Once you come to terms with what's just happened, you look to meet your partner's unnaturally green eyes.
"It's time." His heart drops, but he's quick to steel himself and get you to the healers. Even though he goes to pick you up to get you there quicker, you gently refuse. Not wanting to be seen getting carried, you've always been a little bit headstrong when it comes down to it.
Besides, you aren't far from the healers, and you aren't having contractions at the moment. If Syzoth carries you now (as much as you would appreciate it), you feel as though the situation will finally dawn on you, as you won't have anything to focus on except for the child.
And Syzoth is definitely worrying more than enough for both of you.
You manage to waddle your way there with no catastrophes, which you take as a good sign. These next hours are the make or break, and suddenly, you understand just how anxious Syzoth must've been over these months.
To be truthful, you hadn't been all too worried. Finding out you were pregnant, despite not thinking it was possible, felt like a blessing. If this child wasn't meant to be born into the world between the two of you, then why had you been allowed to carry them?
You know biology would tell you differently, that this child may not live long even if you do birth them safely, that they might be unhealthy their entire lives, that they may never be able to have children themselves, they might seem fine until years down the line when they suddenly come down with some incurable disease... the list was endless, is endless.
It was almost comical how the person carrying the child was so much more relaxed than the father. Now, you were beginning to feel as though you were in over your head.
Settling into the bed made you feel restless; Syzoth's presence at your side soothed you momentarily, and he swore he wouldn't leave your side.
___
The birth was long and arduous, but Syzoth kept to his word, even if it ended up breaking his hand. He couldn't help but think about how different human births are from saurian ones. Even though you were birthing fewer children (what would've been eggs had you been saurian), it seemed to take a more immense toll on your energy as opposed to what he had thought earlier. Since the child wasn't in an egg, it made complications more likely, and it was harder to fit through the birthing canal.
You were warmer than usual and dripping in sweat. More so than any fight he's seen you in. Somewhere along the way, you'd reached over to grab his other hand, which had slotted itself into yours subconsciously.
Hearing the words 'nearly there' over your screams was a blessing, but he really wished this would all be over and that the two of you would be okay.
There were extra healers in the room, given the unusual circumstances, and they'd been telling him that it was actually coming along like any other birth. Had he been in the right frame of mind, he would've felt much better.
Syzoth has his eyes closed when you give the final push. He almost doesn't realise the child is out until you grip his hands harder than before.
You're staring intently at the small yet silent figure being bundled in blankets by the head healer. Syzoth copies the action flawlessly, spotting soft skin when the blood and other fluids are wiped away.
Human hatchlings are supposed to cry at birth, aren't they? He thinks to himself. It means they're breathing.
The less experienced healers are glancing at each other; it certainly doesn't help either of you two in your worries. The head healer, however, is nonplussed. They look into the baby's mouth first before pulling the blanket down, turning the child over in their arms, and rubbing circles onto their back.
"Come on, little one." They keep rubbing and give a few semi-firm pats before continuing to rub. "Breathe. Come on now."
After twenty or so seconds of agony, cries break out in the room. Strong and loud. Relief passes over the occupants of the room as the head healer turns the baby back over gently with a smile.
Like they'd discussed beforehand the baby is taken for some simple tests, just to make sure everything is really okay. You'd pretty much passed out in response and Syzoth very nearly felt like doing the same.
He leaves the room momentarily so that the healers can check up on you and is met with a pacing Tomas. Open seeing his outworld friend, he's quick to question about you and the child's health.
Syzoth just smiles and leans forward to rest his forehead on his shoulder.
No more than 30 minutes later, Syzoth is holding that child in his arms. She looks human, but her eyes tell a different story. With nine months of stress and panic finally over - he holds his daughter to his bare chest and settles down in the chair directly next to your bed where you are sleeping off your fatigue after finally being able to hold your firstborn.
The pain in the absence of his first child is still there; they would've loved to welcome their little sister into the world.
He finds the pain is still present but not as raw or gutwrenching. It'll never go away, he realises, no matter how much time passes, but he doesn't ever want it to. Everything's as it should be.
Somehow, he manages to fall asleep in that chair, a secure grip around his daughter. His lover at his side. The ache in his chest, now comforting, reminded him of memories from another life - memories he could now look back on with a smile instead of a grimace.
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