#but now I’m starting to realize that it was so much different than how James portrayed it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moonstruckme · 2 months

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hayy!! so tonight i went to a small little show that my friend was doing with his band, and me and the bassist made crazy eye contact while he sang the lyrics “good, i’m proud of you” to me. (i’m dead) ANYWAYY it made me think, this is kinda out there but maybe a james potter band au?? like he’s a drummer or bassist and you keep making crazy eye contact and the tension is THICK.. (maybe even some groupie activity later??) IDKK i’d love to see youre interpretation 😋 or even just to chat about it!!! i love you’re work sm

That sounds so fun babe! Thanks for sharing omg <3

cw: bar

rockstar!James x fem!reader ♡ 1.1k words

As much as you like Marlene, you’d sort of thought her band was going to be shitty. And in your defense, most of the ones who play this venue, where the crowd is typically too drunk to care what sound fills the space and it only costs a few quid to get in, are pretty amateurish. They’ll play their one or two original songs, then fill the rest of their time with covers, trying all the while to figure out how to work the stage and engage the crowd.

These guys definitely don’t seem like amateurs.

Marlene had said they were just starting out, but you don’t believe it. She, as you expected, is incredible. She embodies this fierce, uncaring kind of cool, fingers sliding up and down the neck of her electric guitar with skill you didn’t know she had. The guys in the band aren’t half bad either. The singer has a voice that seems always on the edge of a scream, and he and Marlene play off each other’s energy, him occasionally leaning the mic her way to belt something together. The bassist seems a bit aloof, long fingers moving with an almost lazy dexterity, which seems to be driving the people clustered at the edge of the stage even madder than they might be if he paid them any attention. And the drummer…

Perhaps you’re partial to the drummer because he doesn’t seem like he’s trying to be cool at all. There’s something completely uninhibited about him that lights something in your chest and sends a buzz of excitement through the room, like you’re all feeding off his energy. He looks like he’s having the time of his life. Sweat shines brilliantly on his dusky skin and drips off the ends of curly brown hair that’s just long enough to flop into his eyes. Someone threw him a headband earlier in the show seemingly to help prevent this, so now he’s got it pushed back, curls protruding his head and bouncing as he bobs enthusiastically to the beat. A smile splits his face as he launches into a brief solo, and coincidentally your stomach erupts in butterflies at precisely the same time.

You’re thinking of trying to jostle your way up to the barricade when the drummer’s eyes take another skim of the crowd, and this time they catch on you. Your heart stutters. A tall figure moves in front of you, obscuring your view of the stage, and when they pass the drummer’s still looking at you. And holy shit. This is eye contact. You’re not totally sure how well he can see you what with the lighting in here, but it feels like his eyes are looking right into yours and saying Hello, nice to meet you.

A few seconds more and he has to tear his attention away as they go back into the chorus, but your eyes keep finding each other’s. It feels more intimate than it probably should, with several meters of distance between you and the crowded, raucous atmosphere, but you can’t help the giddy lightness that accumulates in your chest over the course of the set.

During what the singer says will be their last song, his gaze flicks to you with something different in it. It’s not something you can place, but in the next second it’s gone, and all his attention is on his drum solo. You cheer with the rest of the audience as drumsticks fly, almost too quick to see, over the drums and cymbals, and you’re so caught up it takes you a second too long to realize one of them actually is flying.

Your hands flinch up in front of you just in time, protecting your face and fumbling the drumstick nearly to the ground before you catch it. You look back towards the drummer, and his eyes have flared with alarm.

“Sorry,” he shouts over the screeching of guitars, earning a glare from the singer a second before all sound cuts out.

Marlene takes the mic, announcing that they’re done performing for the night but will be available to receive free drinks until closing. The band starts to pack up and leave the stage.

The crowd splits in two, one half migrating towards the bar and the other towards the exits. You’re not quite sure where to go. You want to meet up with Marlene, maybe give her the drumstick to pass along to her bandmate and thank her for inviting you before you head home, but you’re not bold enough to venture backstage. You cast a glance toward the bar, twirling the wooden stick absentmindedly between your fingers. Maybe you can find a seat to wait for her?

“You’re not bad at that.”

You turn, and the drummer from the band is standing behind you.

“Oh.” You glance down at the drumstick in your hand, feeling a bit silly as you hold it out. “Thanks. Here you go.”

“Thank you.” His eyes are even better close up. He’s put on glasses, magnifying the warm brown of his irises and the thick, dark lashes that nearly brush his lenses when he blinks. “You looked like you’d be a better catcher.”

You laugh. “Not sure what would make you think that.”

“Well, you did manage it in the end.” He smiles. It’s charming with a touch of roguishness, and you get the impression he’s someone accustomed to being forgiven. “Sorry for almost hitting you in the face.”

You shrug, suddenly unsure what you usually do with your hands. “It happens,” you say. “I don’t take it personally when musicians lose their instruments in my direction.”

“Oh, well I wasn’t trying to lob it at your head, but tossing it your way wasn’t an accident.”

Something funny happens in your gut. “It wasn’t?”

His grin spreads and he shakes his head. “I figured it was my best shot at getting a chance to meet you.”

Your face heats. You hope you’re not smiling as big as it feels like you are. “You could’ve just asked Marlene,” you say. “No need to throw things.”

He laughs, a warm and hearty sound. “I’ll have to refine my methods,” he replies. “I’m James.”

You tell him your name in turn, and he gets this look on his face like it’s the best thing he’s heard all night.

“Do you wanna join us at the bar for free drinks?” he asks, taking out the headband and ruffling his hair so his curls bounce onto his forehead. It’s more than a little distracting. “I’m sure Marls would love for you to stay.”

“I…” You glance towards the bar. “I’m pretty sure the free drinks are just for people in the band, no?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” He waves you off, taking your hand and leading you towards the bar. “You won’t be paying regardless. Just tell me what you like.”

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jockbroski34 · 3 months

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How Things Used To Be

I wonder how long it took me to notice that there was something wrong with Nathan. We had been best friends for years, ever since the 5th grade, and we always hung out together both in and out of school. I was hoping things could’ve stayed like that this summer, but it seemed like fate had other plans. Between family vacations and college prep, it seemed like he didn’t have time for me anymore. And to make it worse, whenever he wasn’t doing that, he was hanging out with some other guys who I had never met, and he never even bothered to ask me if I wanted to come with. I know people grow and change, but I didn’t want to see it happen to my own best friend. On the bright side, we’re going to the same college, so I hope I can see him around.

And I did see him. It was the third week of courses, once I was starting to get acquainted with campus life. For once, I was actually being more social, trying to fill the gap that Nathan left. I used this opportunity to start talking to people in my classes and I found that we had some similar interests. I wish I could say the same for my roommate, but he mostly keeps to himself and we don’t have much in common.

Okay, back to Nathan. I was walking back to the dorms after my last class, texting one of my classmates about the homework. I was interrupted when I walked headfirst into another student. I should’ve been paying more attention to my surroundings. I looked up at the giant in front of me, probably 6’3”, before apologizing.

“James, is that you?” the giant asked. The voice sounded very familiar, yet at the same time, different. I took a closer look at him. “Long time no see, huh?” I was surprised when I realized who it was.

“Nate? Woah, what happened to you?” I couldn’t believe that this person in front of me was my best friend. This was not the same Nathan from three months ago during graduation. He was always a bit taller than me, but he had to have grown at least 3 inches. He used to wear glasses, but it seemed like he switched over to contacts.

In the warm August heat, he was wearing a tank top which revealed his newfound biceps for the whole world to see. The tank top clung closely to his chest and I could see his newly-formed six-pack through the fabric. He was wearing basketball shorts that were short enough that I could catch a glimpse of his thighs, which were just as big as his arms. I never knew Nathan went to the gym, and if he did, he never told me. But still, I couldn’t comprehend how he became so huge in just three months, which made me more curious about what he had been up to. A backwards hat fit tightly atop his head with Greek letters on them. Sigma Lambda Chi… Had Nathan really joined a frat? To be completely honest, he looked like he was cosplaying as a frat bro, a far cry from how I knew him.

“Like what you see, bro?” James chuckled, as he flexed one of his arms. He definitely never came across as a cocky showoff, but I was too distracted by his flexed bicep to notice. I caught myself staring for a second too long, before feeling my face turn red hot. Me and Nathan knew everything about each other, but there was one thing I never told him. I was gay. To tell you the truth, I had a crush on him, but I knew I could never tell him to preserve our friendship. But now he looks even better, and he hasn’t made time for me at all. Now he really felt out of my league.

“I’ve been working out a lot lately. I’m glad you noticed.” He still had his signature smile, but it looked out of place on his new body. His face especially looked a lot more angular and masculine. A visible tan glazed over his body like a fresh coat of paint.

“Daaamn! You look great, dude!” To be honest, I wasn’t sure how to feel talking to him again. On one hand, I was happy to see him again, and, admittedly, a little surprised to see him like this. On the other hand, he ditched me this whole summer to hang out with some other guys. It felt so bittersweet.

“If there weren’t other people around, I’d let you…I mean uh, how have you been bro? I know I’ve been busy a lot lately. Sorry about that, dude.” We told each other what we did over the summer, and wow, was his summer more interesting.

As we caught up, I learned more about what he has been up to. Apparently, he joined a frat and he was hanging out with the guys there more and more. He promised that he’d bring me to a party sometime, but I was hesitant because I’m not much of a party animal. That lifestyle just isn’t for me. He also said he was thinking about joining our school’s football team at the request of his roommate, which I found even more surprising because Nathan never played sports in high school. I did track, but I was never that big into sports myself. Our conversation was interrupted as another guy entered the scene.

“Yo, Nate! Finally found you. You seriously need to get better at texting me back, dude. And who’s this dude?” The guy was wearing the same hat as Nate, so I figured he was one of his frat bros.

“My bad, bro. Brett, this is James. We go way back. James, this is Brett. He’s my roommate. We met over the summer and we’ve been hanging out since.”

“Alright, cool, bro,” Brett responded, clearly impatient and indifferent towards me. He dismissed me entirely, almost like I wasn’t worth his time. “You still going to the gym with me or what?”

“Sorry, bro. I just ran into him and we were catching up.” Nathan responded. “Hey, I gotta get going. We should get food sometime. Peace!” I watched as Nathan and Brett walked away in the opposite direction of me towards the gym. As they moved further away, I could hear Brett chastise him about something. This is the guy that Nathan ditched me for? I hope I’m wrong, but he seemed like kind of a dick. I know I was jealous of him for taking up my best friend’s time, but I didn’t trust him. As for me, I returned to the dorm to work on the assignment with my roommate.

The next time I saw Nate was that weekend, when I held up his promise to get something to eat. I tried to ask him about it earlier in the week, but he was doing stuff at the frat all that time. I was at least grateful that he took time out of his schedule for me for once. He mentioned that he normally doesn’t hang out with anyone who wasn’t in the frat, almost like they were some exclusive bro clique that I was excluded from. For once, it was good to hang out with him one-on-one without any of his frat bros getting in the way. I expected things to be like how they were before, but I couldn’t be any more wrong.

It’s not that I disliked the new Nathan, but I felt like we didn’t have much common ground anymore. It was like he was a completely different person. He didn’t seem to care that much about our old interests anymore. He didn’t have time for video games and he just wasn’t that interested in watching movies or photography anymore. All he seemed to care about was working out all day and partying all night. All he would talk about was some stupid stuff he or one of his bros did.

Plus, he told me he switched his major from mechanical engineering to be a personal trainer. It seemed like he just became a total gym bro overnight. The studious and witty Nathan that I loved kinda just seemed to be a stereotypical meathead now. The worst part was that I knew that this was the same Nathan deep down, and he still treated me the same even if he was a lot busier. I felt like maybe I was the problem since he was clearly still having a good time, and I wasn’t. Why do I feel this way?

I felt my mood change as we talked. Eventually, I figured it was time to cut off the conversation and return to the dorm, but Nathan definitely knew something was off. He texted me later that evening, asking me if everything was alright. To be honest, I wanted to make some lame excuse that I was feeling sick, but we’ve always been honest with each other, so I told him how I really felt.

Me: Nate, to be honest, I think I need some time away from you. I don’t hate you or anything, but it feels like we’ve been growing apart and I feel like you’ve become a different person. I feel like when I look at you, I don’t see the Nathan I’ve known for years, but someone else entirely.

I wanted to say more about how I felt about his new changes, but I didn’t want to escalate things.

Nathan: James, I’m sorry you feel that way about me. I felt like we had a good time today. I’ve grown and changed a lot recently, and I’ve realized a lot about myself, but I’m happy with who I am right now. I know I’m spending a lot of time at the gym or with Brett or my other bros, but I still care about you deeply, bro. You might be right though. Hanging out with you isn’t the same as hanging with the guys at the frat.

Me: Do you honestly see yourself as just a frat boy? You’re more than that. You’re my best friend. But now, you have more in common with the jocks from high school than the Nathan I knew. It’s hard talking to you now since all you care about anymore are your gains and partying. You’re nothing more than a meathead now.

Nathan: So that’s how you see me, bro? The reason I had been avoiding you is because I knew that you wouldn’t like seeing me like this. I guess I was right, bro. But trust me, I’m happy like this. I’m a lot more social than when I was when I was with you, and I’ve even become more in shape too. I care about our friendship more than you can possibly imagine, but I guess this is for the best. To be honest, I think it would be a lot of fun if you were here in the frat with me, but I know you wouldn’t say yes.

I didn’t bother responding. I could never picture myself joining a frat. I would never get along with his frat bro friends, especially Brett, who seemed to be the one he was closest with. I still couldn’t believe Nate would choose him over me. I wasn’t sure whether to feel angry, or sad, or disappointed towards him. I felt like he was wasting his life partying when he should be studying. To think this was the person I cared about more than anyone. It was at this point that I figured I probably wouldn’t have my old friend back. Or so I thought.

A couple weeks passed and I tried to move on from Nathan. I always saw him on his story drinking and partying late into the night at the frat house or posting selfies at the gym. He looked like he was fully embracing his new frat boy persona now. If he didn’t still care about me, it would’ve felt like he was doing it out of spite. As for me, I started to hang out with my classmates more and more, and there was even a guy I went on a date with. It was a nice date and I did like the guy, but for some reason, the thought of Nathan lingered in my mind. Even though I hated what he had become, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about him. I couldn’t deny how much he turned me on. Why was I still thirsting after a stupid fucking frat bro? One afternoon, after I returned to my dorm, I received a text on my phone. To my surprise, it was Nathan.

“Hey bro, can we talk? There are some things I need to get off my chest.”

I didn’t know what he could possibly want with me now. I suppose I can hear him out just so I can see what he wants. I went over to his room further down the hall, and thankfully Brett was not here to ruin the moment. Nate said that he was doing some preparations for some stuff at the frat. When I asked, he didn’t specify what though. It always feels like stuff at the frat is kept under wraps.

“Did you want a drink?”

“Sure.”

“Even if it’s beer?” A mischievous grin appeared on his face. Was he seriously offering me beer? I knew that alcohol wasn’t allowed in the dorms, but clearly that rule didn’t faze him. Obviously he knew how to get his hands on some drinks. To be honest, I had never drank alcohol before, but I figured this would be the easiest way to try it before I turned 21. Plus, it might alleviate the tension between us. Either that or make us fight like two drunkards in a bar.

“Sure, why not.” Nate went to get two bottles for us. I took my first sip and was disgusted by the bitter taste of the beer.

“You don’t like it? Neither did I at first,” Nate chuckled. “After a while, you get used to it.” Nate turned the TV on as we chatted. I apologized about what I said about him last time we talked, but he said it was no big deal. I felt like I was a little too harsh on him. It could just be the alcohol, but I found that I got along with him better than I did weeks ago. As we chatted, my body started to tingle. Was this how it felt like to be drunk?

“Hey, Nate. I feel kinda weird, but not like drunk weird. Is this normal, bro?” I asked. By this point, we both had two drinks each. I didn’t mind the taste of the beer the second time.

“Nah, you’re fine bro.” Nate responded, with a smile on his face. Compared to me, he appeared to be much more sober. “It happens sometimes, especially when you’re not used to it.” I figured he knew best, since he was the one drinking and partying all the time, so I ignored this foreign feeling rushing through my body. I felt as if my body was overheating as I felt my arms and legs throb and pulsate. Sweat was leaking off my armpits and down my forehead. There was part of me that knew that something was off, but it was drowned out by the alcohol. As I took another sip, I felt my arm spasm as I accidentally spilled some beer onto my shirt. Shit, I wasn’t expecting to do laundry later.

“Damn bro, you made a mess. You alright? Do you wanna change your shirt?” Nate asked. I nodded and he quickly went to his room to pick out something for me. It wasn’t the first time I had to wear his clothes. “Sorry about that, bro. First thing I found. Hope it fits you.” It was a stringer tank with Sigma Lambda Chi on it. I bet Nate looked like a walking symbol of the frat wearing that stuff. For some reason, the idea was kinda amusing to me because it seemed so over the top. I wondered how I would look dressed up like that. I’d probably look really stupid.

I stripped out of my wet shirt and changed right in front of him. I caught a whiff from my armpits, and I thought I smelled like a sweaty gym bro. The tank appeared to be a size up and it hung loosely on me. Still, it was better than nothing I guess. Despite that, it had a nice familiar smell to it though. It smelled like Nathan, but at the same time, it had a different flavor to it. He smelled a lot more manly than I remembered. I bet he wore it to the gym often.

Eventually, after my third drink, I went to go to the bathroom. My body was starting to ache, like I had just done a workout with Nate earlier. Workout…Was that what happened earlier? …I think so? Did we work out after class and come back to his place for some brewskis? For some reason, the events of today felt incredibly fuzzy to me. I was starting to forget the reason I was here in the first place.

I clumsily stumbled over my feet which looked bigger than usual. After I took a piss, I looked at myself in the mirror. Something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I didn’t always look that big, right? From a first glance, it looked like I was looking through one of those distorted mirrors they have at amusement parks. I had to have been really drunk at this point. I chuckled at the figure in front of me. At this point, I almost looked like one of those frat bros! I decided to flex my arms like they would, oblivious to the fact that they already grew just a little bit, before joining Nate on the couch.

“There you are, big man!” he said as he squeezed my muscles. I have been working out recently, I think. “I thought you passed out in there. Most guys don’t last that long for their first time, but you look good enough for another brewski.”

After downing our fourth drinks, the conversation took a different turn.

“Yo, James. I knew you said you weren’t too big on the idea of joining our frat last time we chatted, but how do you feel now, having thought things over?”

I remembered our last conversation. Honestly, I was so drunk that I didn’t remember why I turned him down in the first place. The idea that seemed unappealing to me at the time seemed like it was perfect for me at this moment. I didn’t even understand why I would be so reluctant to join. I needed to join more than anything else. I would do anything to join, even if I had to completely humiliate myself in front of my fellow bros. At this point, nothing was too extreme for me. The fact that Nate was in it was enough reason to join, so we could hang out more like we used to. Plus, I could get to hang out with all my other bros and drink and party whenever we want.

“I’ve given it some thought, and yeah bro, I’ll join,” my voice slurred as my mouth moved before my mind could. I had committed at this point. No backing out now. I’m a member of Sigma Lambda Chi for life.

“Sweet, bro!” He grabbed me on my far shoulder and pulled me close. “I’m glad you said yes, because I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes, bro.”

I closed my eyes as Nate went into his room to grab something. Did I actually agree to join his frat? I’m not sure what’s going on with me today. When he came back, I felt Nate press on my head as his “surprise” fit tight around it. “You can open them now.”

I realized I was wearing the same hat that Nate always wore, with his frat’s letters printed on it. “We’re gonna be matching now, bro. Isn’t that awesome? I know you’re gonna want to wear it whenever and wherever. But you’re wearing it wrong. Let me fix it for you, dude.” He turned the brim around so it faced my back. As my hat turned backwards, I felt my mind fog up and any tension or brain activity screech to a halt. I was unable to realize what I signed myself up for, unable to protest. My conscious mind was drowned out by the alcohol and this hat was like a lock, sealing it away. Not that I was against this, as a wave of pleasure surged through me. I felt my mind slow down, almost as if it was stuck in molasses, as my thoughts began to simplify. It felt good though...

I would follow the example of my fellow brothers. Look like them, think like them, act like them. Almost like a hivemind of bros, you know, bro? By this point, the changes were irreversible. Nate had turned me into another frat bro just like him.

“Everything worked out as planned, bro. You see, when you, my own best bro, told me you didn’t want to join the frat with me, I was actually really hurt. So I talked to Brett, and had him “work his magic”, to help me do to you what he did to me. I don’t like to lie to you, but it’s a frat secret, so now you get to know bro. Like I said, it’s a secret, so don’t talk about this with anyone.”

“Don’t worry about it bro. It’s all…uh…

Fuck dude, what’s the word…water under the bridge? Huhuhu…” I really had to think about that one. I found it harder to articulate and use complex words, as I mainly just spoke in bro-speak. To be honest, I wasn’t really that upset that he lied to me. He did what he had to as a member of the frat. I never stayed mad at one of my bros for very long.

“Now we get to be brothers for life,” he said as he gave me a big bro hug. We clung to each other like two giant masses of muscle. My huge biceps wrapped around his firm back as his did for me. Afterwards, he handed me my fifth drink and we cheered to me joining Sigma Lambda Chi. He laid down all of the rules, what everything was like, telling me about the coolest guys there, and so on. He said he’d bring me to the frat house and introduce me to everyone tomorrow. “They’re gonna love you for sure, bro. I’ve got an eye for cool bros like you.”

As it got later, and we moved on to drink numero 6, I felt myself get very tired as we both passed out on his couch. I woke up a couple hours later, and I looked out the window to see a pitch black sky. Shit, it was almost 10 PM and I had to turn in my assignment at midnight. But for some reason, I didn’t really care right now. I didn’t mind turning in assignments late as long as the teacher still gave me credit. I felt no different from the way I was a couple hours ago, just another Sigma Lambda Chi frat bro, but I liked it. It felt right to me. It was where I, no, where we belonged.

I looked down. Nate’s tank hung tightly to me now. It took me a second to notice my arms…Holy shit, they were fucking huge! I looked awesome, bro. As I admired my new body, Nate was still asleep, his hand on my meaty thigh. Just above that, my dick throbbed through my pants. Fuck, I was so horny for some reason. Eventually, Nate slowly regained consciousness.

“I usually don’t drink this much on a school day,” Nate said, still a little hungover as he rubbed his eyes. We sat in silence for about a minute before he spoke again. “By the way, there was another reason I invited you over. There’s something that’s been on my chest for a while.”

“Go ahead, bro. I can take it,” I responded confidently. My voice sounded deeper and more bro-like than usual, just like him.

“Here goes, dude. I think I like you, bro. Not like you, but I think I like like you. I know it’s hella gay, but I couldn’t stand to see you be so cold to me. That’s why I had to make you a bro like me. I’m sure you’ll love it here, bro. And hey, if you’re not gay, that’s cool. We can forget this shit ever happened and go back to being bros for life.”

At first, I honestly thought I was still dreaming. First, he turned me into a frat boy, and now, he was confessing his feelings to me? How crazier could this night get? For all my life, I thought he was straight. I remembered being glad when he broke up with his girlfriend two years back. I couldn’t stand her. When he joined Sigma Lambda Chi, I assumed he was 100% straight and that he was banging some sorority chicks every night. To think he felt the same way I did all this time.

“Bro, I like you too. When you stopped talking to me, I started to get kinda jealous. I didn’t want to accept you for who you are. But being your bro just isn’t enough for me, bro.” I leaned in for a kiss, my inhibitions still nowhere to be found. It was my first kiss and it was with the person I cherished most. I felt like I was in heaven. I didn’t really care that I was a dumb frat bro like him anymore. I never did. That shit was stupid anyways. But now, Nate fixed our friendship and made us closer than ever. I loved the taste of his lips against mine and I didn’t want it to end but eventually Nate parted our lips.

“Wanna fuck me, bro?” he whispered in my ear. A flirtatious smirk was plastered on his face, and one of his hands was still wrapped around my neck. This was real. I nodded as he took me to his bed. I had never done this before, but I’ve seen plenty of porn, so I knew what to expect. He laid down on his back and stripped naked. I never felt this aroused before. My dick even looked bigger than it used to be. I was so pent up that I felt like I was holding this load in for months. I guess frat bros really are as horny as they say. I lubed up my larger cock before sticking it into Nate’s hole.

My serpent stretched out his tight hole as he had clearly not seen much action down there until now. I pounded his ass as my dick went in and out of him. In and out, in and out, in and out…It was a steady rhythm, my dick was like a metronome. My hands clung to him as I held him in place, pinning him to his bed. My hands ran all over his shoulders, broad and muscular, built like a football player’s. We both felt absolutely euphoric as our deep, masculine moans filled the room. The moans were loud enough that the students on the other side of the wall could easily hear them, but I didn’t care about any noise complaints as I fucked him harder and harder. After half an hour of fucking, he both hit our orgasm at almost exactly the same time. I ejaculated inside his tight hole, my hot, sticky seed flooding his insides as Nate came all over his abs. At this point I was exhausted and still hungover and I basically fell on top of him on his bed. We were both panting and out of breath.

“I knew you were a good fucker, bro.” he whispered seductively as he kissed me. We stayed in that position for several minutes until we heard the door open.

“Yo, Nate! Did you do it? How did it go?” a voice asked, shouting loudly from the other room. I recognized the voice as Brett’s. He peeked into the room, witnessing the two of us cuddling together naked. To be honest, I thought he would’ve been grossed out. Guess I had the wrong idea about him.

“Better than expected, dude,” Nate responded. He didn’t seem to care that we were both naked in front of his roommate and that we just got back from our trip to Pound Town.

“He looks way better this way, don’t you agree, bro? But man, dude, now I know why you wanted him to be a pledge so bad. I was wondering why you wouldn’t fuck any of those sexy sorority babes. More for me, I guess.”

A week passed and by then, I joined the frat officially. Me and Nate started dating shortly after, but none of our bros minded. It didn’t matter if we were gay, we were still brothers. I also learned how Nate met Brett. He was taking a tour of the campus over the summer and he ran into Brett who was recruiting people for the frat. Brett took a liking to him and kinda took him under his wing like some sort of mentor and they started hanging out since he only lived a town away from us. Brett was our age, but he had more seniority and authority because his older brother Brad was very popular within the frat. Turns out Brett and some of the upperclassmen knew how to turn guys into the ideal bros for their frat. They wanted to bolster their numbers to make Sigma Lambda Chi the biggest and coolest frat in the state, with the biggest bros and the biggest parties, and naturally both me and Nate were chosen. Not that either of us minded. Nate joined the football team with Brett and some other guys in the frat, and the rest of us would go watch them play every game. Our section of the stadium was always the loudest and rowdiest, especially when one of our bros scored a touchdown.

Apparently I grew a ton during the night that I was with Nate, but I was too drunk to notice just how massive I had become. It must’ve been something in the beer, huhu. I started working out with Nate and Brett, and sometimes some other bros too. I even ended up changing my major. I chose business because my bros said that it was the easiest shit ever and I wasn’t feeling psychology anymore. I didn’t really feel like thinking much anymore and I found that focusing on education so much was a chore and that I was wasting my college experience. I’d rather be partying and drinking or hanging out with the bros at the frat house, watching sports, playing video games, or playing ball outside. I got to see why Nate grew to enjoy this lifestyle so much, and I was mad at myself for not seeing his point of view sooner.

Three years later, me and Nate are still dating and we’re set to graduate this semester. We’re thinking about getting a place in the city not too far from campus, probably with Brett and another friend of ours to save money on rent. We’ll probably still throw parties every weekend like we used to. College was such a memorable experience and I wish I could live it again. I only have Nate, Brett, and all my other bros to thank for making college awesome for me.

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sunshinemayhem · 4 days

Text

second chances - @wolfstarmicrofic - word count: 807

“Sirius, can we talk?” Remus makes an aborted motion at Sirius’s retreating back. James and Peter have already left, and transfiguration doesn't start for another thirty minutes. It’s the best time to have this conversation.

Sirius pauses, then raises an eyebrow, leaning against the door. His face is unreadable.

Remus nods. He’s grateful, at least, that Sirius hasn’t ignored him. “I’m sorry,” he says, unconsciously twisting the hem of his shirt.

Silence.

Remus takes a deep breath. This is harder than expected, but he promised himself he’d stop running away. He looks up, meeting Sirius’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, “I screwed up. I didn’t think of how I was hurting you. I.. I was afraid. I was so afraid of losing you –of losing what we had– that I chose to break my own heart before you could do it.” In the back of his head, he questions the Sorting Hat’s sanity for the millionth time.

Remus continues, “It’s not an excuse. I really am sorry.” He swallows. “I’m also sorry that I’m here now, putting you in this position, wanting to make up after I recklessly tore us apart.” He laughs, an ugly thing. “Merlin, I’m a selfish bastard, aren’t I? I’m sorry.” He’s long given up on eye contact. Remus stares at the ground, refusing to blink. He takes a deep breath.

“I.. I think I’m in love with you.” Remus thinks he hears a hitch in Sirius’s throat, but he can’t be sure. The next part is difficult, but it needs to be said. He owes it to the years of friendship between them.

His words come out faster. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I get it. Really, I do. I’m a pessimist, I’m flawed, I get in my own head. I’m trying, but I’m not perfect. And- And if you’d rather stay friends, I’ll be okay. Well, not okay but I’ll be fine-” Now it was Remus’s breath hitching. He blinks, then ducks his head, swiping his arm against his eyes. He’s humiliated himself enough.

There’s silence again, but Remus has finished his daily quota of courage. “I guess that’s all I had to say.” he shuffles his feet, lifts his head, looking anywhere but Sirius. He laughs once, bitter. “You know, I’d really appreciate a response.”

It’s quiet. Remus swallows. “I guess silence is an answer.” He screws his face up, willing himself not to cry. He really had fucked up, hadn’t he? He wonders if he’ll be okay.

“You-” He stops. He wants Sirius to leave. He starts again, “You’ll have to give me some time to deal with it, you understa-” Warm hands cup his face, and his words get stuck in his throat. They gently guide him to look forward, and Remus’s eyes widen as he realizes that Sirius –Sirius, who’d rather be humiliated publicly by Snape than cry– has puffy, red eyes. He still looks gorgeous, the git.

“Don’t cry, Moony.” he croaks, voice cracking after being silent for so long. Remus feels him gently cup his cheek, wiping away tears. Oh. He hadn’t realized that he was crying. He guesses willpower can only do so much. He feels exhausted, suddenly.

Sirius is still talking, words tumbling over each other, frenetic. “You shouldn’t ever be sad. Never, never, never–” he cuts himself off. “You deserve to be happy. Always.”

Remus looks away, his face still being held hostage by the tenderness in Sirius’s movements. He can’t be comforted. What Sirius isn’t saying cuts like a sharp edge. He can feel acid at the back of his throat, and curses himself for expecting a different answer.

“Look at me,” Sirius says, his voice gentle. It rarely is, and Remus can’t fight it.

“I think I’m in love with you too.” Remus is caught off guard. There’s no way to misinterpret that. The voices in his head can’t contest it.

“Don’t ever say that you’re not enough.” His voice is steady now. “I’m definitely more flawed than you are. I’m cruel, I’m superficial, I have too many trust issues.” Remus’s eyebrows draw together. He doesn’t agree, but his mouth has decided that that’s enough words for today. Sirius understands, like always. They’d always been like that, having conversations with glances, not needing words. In hindsight, that had become a bad thing when they’d stopped communicating.

“Shh, let me finish. I’m sorry too. I didn’t know you were feeling like this. I noticed that you were acting differently, but I was too afraid that you were having second thoughts about me. I wanted to pretend everything was alright so that it didn’t end. ” Remus, again, wants to interrupt, but he’s stopped by Sirius’s earnest stare.

Sirius leans in. “I’m selfish too,” he whispers, “how about we try again?”

And just like that, Remus dares to hope.

#wolfstar #marauders #marauders era #sirius black #sirius orion black #remus lupin #remus john lupin #sirius x remus #remus x sirius #this is honestly just dialogue #i love feedback!#wolfstar microfic

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love-hatred-stuff · 9 months

Text

»envious bucky«

genre: if u know me, u know it’s gon’ be angst, bestfriend/soulmate!bucky

warnings: drinking ig, mentions of being interested in another man (but not really), immensely jealous bucky, who doesn’t know how to process that feeling (he’s being mean), mentions of toxic ex

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

»I don’t like him.« Bucky grumbled under his breath.

You shoot him a look. »Yeah, but I do, darling.« Giving him a strict smile.

»Why? He’s like not even your type.« He sighs in frustration.

Your brows raise at that, looking almost offended.

»What would you know about my type?« You challenged.

The bar you’re sitting in is crowded and busy, much to Bucky’s dismay. But he stays of course, for you. As though it’s different than usual. You didn’t look at him much today, although you’re sitting right beside him, -barely touching each other’s knees, but the contact is there. You two live in the same apartment block and are used to seeing each other every day of the week.

He has a bigger problem with not having your full and honest attention than he would like to admit. You’ve been looking the opposite direction the moment you’ve found yourself these seats. Bucky hates it, because he can see what –or rather who– you’re stalking from his point of view –just as perfect as you can. It’s this french guy Gabriel. He’s new to town and new to your friend group now as well. Nat had brought him with her a couple weeks ago and everyone loved him. Well, except Bucky. But he wasn’t someone who particularly enjoyed meeting new people, everyone knew that. So they weren’t suspicious about it.

It’s not that he didn’t like the guy in general, it’s that you liked him. And every time Gabriel came up to you and started speaking french (because you apparently loved it when he spoke his native language) your eyes started to form into hearts and all those giggles and laughs wouldn’t stop flowing. God, James hoped he would survive tonight without lashing out on you or Mr. “I’m french and handsome so I’m going to steal your girl”.

»I know you prefer rough guys. You don’t like a baby face with a smooth haircut. You don’t like anyone ever actually. But especially not this kind of guy.« Bucky tries to wear his grin proudly, but he’s questioning himself when he sees your expression.

»Oh, is that so? Thanks for reminding me, Mr. Barnes.« You scoff and turn yourself away from him once again. Bucky feels crap after that reaction. He didn’t intend to make you upset.

»No- You know how I mean it, Y/n.« You ignore him and continue to look for your knew found bestie.

Bucky sighs in defeat.

»Do you actually like him?«

He didn’t want an answer to that question if it was a „yes“. So he felt like punching himself realizing what he’d done.

»Bucky, quit it? Please? I’m not talking to you about this.« You brushed him off, annoyed by his demeanor.

He breathed out deeply, looking at you and wishing once again, he would be the one you’re looking at the way you’re watching Gabriel learning billiards right now.

This never happened before. That’s why he was so determined to remind you that you don’t like anyone but him. To remind you you’re his. Except, you’re not. You never were. And realizing that made him physically feel sick to the stomach. He didn’t just not like the idea of you finding something in Gabriel, Bucky depended on you. If you were gonna fall in love with someone else, who would be there to take care of his broken soul? A soul only you had the capability of healing.

It was when you touched his shoulder and slowly gripped your hand around his bicep, that he came back to earth.

»Barnes? Baby, are you okay? You’ve been staring into space for the last ten minutes.« He looked at you, studying your facial expression. You were worried.

Although the nickname and your touch gave him comfort, he still felt like vomiting all over the place. His chest so tight, he struggled to breath normally, hoping you wouldn’t notice.

»I think I’ll head home. Had enough for the night, just feel tired, that’s all.« He tried convincing you with a exhausted smile hanging on his lips.

You figured it out in about five seconds. He never looked that crushed around his friends and you. You knew it had upset him what you said earlier, but you realized it too late. Preoccupied with thoughts of another man.

You mentally slapped yourself. You should’ve been more sensitive about it. Everyone knew how protective Bucky was over you. You suspected why. But you could never know to which extent his love went for you. Bucky himself couldn’t even form it into words, how important you were to him.

»Okay, I’m just gonna inform everyone that we’re leaving. Wait here for me.« You gently squeezed his shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile.

You were about to go do that but Bucky stopped you.

»Hey, no. You don’t have to go with me. Let Sam walk you home later. I’ll be fine.« His voice sounded almost strangled. So sharp and raspy. You could tell, something wasn’t right.

»Buck, I insist. You don’t look well. Let me take you home, please?«

It irritated him immensely how you went from scoffing at him earlier to wanting to take care of him now.

»I think you’d rather go sit beside Gabriel over there and tell him fancy things about yourself. You don’t have to act like you’re more interested in taking me home than staying here and spending time with him.« You were baffled by his brutal honesty.

He was often like that with others, but never with you. His gentle tone and careful, loving words were only meant for you. Until now it seemed.

Bucky studied your face once again and he could feel the hurt and confusion through your eyes, not making his already heavy heart any lighter.

»W-what are you saying?« You felt the air getting thicker inside your lungs.

»Oh please. You’ve been ogling that man since the moment we walked into this place. Why don’t you just go there? Maybe he’ll get lucky and you’ll even let him take you to bed.«

All that air made it’s way out of your system again and you stopped breathing for a moment.

Bucky’s eyes were telling a different story, but what he’d just said to you made you grow cold.

»Fuck you.« Was the only thing you were able to breath out, before snatching your coat and making your way out of this bar and onto the streets. Right now, you just wanted to wrap yourself in your sheets and forget his dumb face.

Barnes was not fast enough to get a hold of you and apologize. He realized it was the most stupid thing to say to you. It was just that he felt so jealous and hurt, his mind acted on instinct and wanted to hurt you back. Which obviously worked a little too well.

What was he expecting though, when he hit right inside your weakest part? The people who knew you well enough, had heard about your ex. And what he had done to still influence your decisions to this day. It was a long story, but one thing was for sure; you’ve never trusted anyone else with your heart (or body) since then. Only Bucky. But it looked like not even he deserved it.

…

»Fuck!« He punched the concrete wall of the building he was standing next to –leaving a hole– after landing on your voicemail once again for the nth time.

He felt horrible. Not being able to reach you. Not knowing where you were. Not being able beg you for forgiveness. And worst of all; not knowing what to do without you.

Pt.2

Masterlist

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fic #bucky moodboards

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lovelystarlightsblog · 2 months

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Motherly reader babying them~

(So reader is a loving Mommy type that loves babying and spoiling them. So after awhile she somehow manage to bring up their Inner child)

Albert James Moriarty

He was a little uncomfortable with the thought of being spoiled. Like, him? Spoiled? He beg to differ. But after he met you. All he could say is…. Well sh!t..

He was never the spoiled type (that’s what he thought), if anything he would be the one spoiling his S/O. But now he could only question how the hell did he end up here while sitting sideways on your lap.

He was honestly embarrassed by it. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Well, not anymore….

He wasn’t familiar with motherly love considering his childhood. He was never felt like he was accepted in his “Family” so mothers love wasn’t something he can Imagine to have.

After he met you he feel like he found something that was missing his whole entire life. He never felt so safe, so comfortable, so……. Happy….

At the start of the relationship, it was something small and simple things like serving and feeding him cookies, and then leads to wrapping him in blankets and cuddle him the whole night (You’re the big spoon obviously), which also leads you into tucking him in before bed and sing him a lullaby, and also leads you to cradling him when he had a hard day…..

He was really embarrassed to say the least. He was treated like a child! And for some reason it makes him feel so warm inside.

He likes it…..

He will never admit to anyone, not even when someone threatens him death. But he loves how you treat him like a child, he loves how you spoil him so much with your loving. You’ve awaken his inner child he never knew he had.

As time goes on the others start to notice how Albert’s behavior is slowly start to become more… Childlike….

Like how he looks at you so excitedly like a child seeing his birthday present when he finally gets back, or when you’re home after going out to get groceries. Or how he becomes 970% more clingy than he used to. And how he always clings onto you when you’re sitting together or you’re just talking with someone else.

Well… They’re not the only one who realized it. Cause I’m pretty sure that Albert would realize it sooner than they do. But despite that he’s not stopping it at all…. What kind of spell did you used on him?!

Nobody ACTUALLY complains about it, maybe Moran would tease him but he would get the most terrifying glare, that it can make the devil look like a baby kitten. He notes himself that he would NEVER tease Albert about it ever again.

But when someone else points it out…. Let’s just say that he never wanted to jump out of the window so bad in his whole entire life.

He’s conflicted. He’s a grown up adult, he’s not supposed to be treated as a child nor act like one. But at the same time it just feels soo good that he’d be a liar if he said he didn’t like it! Not like he can stop even if he wants to.

He was honestly quite self-conscious about it. He feels like he should stop letting you treat him like a child so much, but he also craves for it. He can’t decide whether to stop you or letting you do anything to him.

He once told you how he feel a little ashamed of liking all those childish things. But you told him that there’s nothing wrong with enjoying all those things. Everyone has their own inner child and everyone always want to feel loved. And that actually made Albert feel a lot better hearing you say that.

After some time, he lets himself loose and let you do more “lovey” things like cradling and other babyish things. He also really likes how you spoon fed him, but he only let’s you do that in private.

William and Louise also notice Albert’s childlike behavior. And neither of them judges him. In fact, they’re happy that Albert is able to feel happy and comfortable with someone. And they really do appreciate your company cause they haven’t seen Albert so content and happy before. So that really made Albert relieved.

He loves the way you scratch his back while he’s cuddling you (I love back scratches, y’all knew this was coming). He always wraps his arms around you as he lays his head on your chest while you softly scratch his back. He’s the big spoon most of the time, but sometimes he’s the little spoon when he’s feeling tired or down.

And then… There’s cradling, OH THE CRADLING!! He’ll be DAMNED if anyone else knows about this, but he he craves to be cradled! It’s probably one of the most babyish things he actually enjoy but boy he loves it!

It’s just… The way you hold him while he sits on your lap and rocking him slowly (god that’s adorable) and having his head resting on you. He has never felt so safe and comfortable in his life. It’s embarrassing and he loves it so damn much.

It would take a lot of time for Albert to accept his “tendencies” he’ll try to be a lot more open with his childlike behaviors. Of course he won’t show that side of him to anyone, but now he’s a bit more open to admitting his “tendencies”. He’ll also let himself act a bit more spoiled to you and enjoys how he’s treated as a child.

And once that finally happens you’ll realize how adorably spoiled he is. Like how he ask you to sing him to sleep, making him and feeding him cookies, clinging onto you, and running up to you when you get back. It was incredibly adorable and beyond cute!

Of course that doesn’t mean he’s not serious with his work on taking care of the nobles. It’s just that whenever he takes a break he always know where to go and what can make him feel so much better after all that. And that’s something he will never take for granted.

Of course he will try to pay you back. (Even tough he feels like he will never be able to). Like treating you out for dinner, buying you gifts, getting whatever the hell you want (even if it’s as absurd as bringing home a lion). It’s just that… Words cannot express how thankful he is to have you and you make everything so worth it in this life…

He has never felt so happy….

Wow….

This is one of the most tooth-rooting, stomach stirring, diabetic thing I have ever wrote…

I’m so proud of it…

#headcanons #mtp headcanons #albert james moriarty #moriarty the patriot headcanon #moriarty the patriot x reader #moriarty the patriot #mommy reader

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cressthebest · 1 month

Text

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 12

chapter 22:

1. 😟😟 all james wants is for sirius to be there for james the way james ALWAYS was for sirius

2. 😟 james wished hodge happy birthday even though hodge died yesterday. i- i am not okay

3. “Regulus never fails to look up. Evan would be proud of him for that, he thinks.” 😧 that was vile to put in there

4. james has resorted to BEGGING for medicine from sirius and can’t understand why sirius won’t send any. this hurts so bad

5. nope. i’m done. i can’t read any more. james started looking forward to death cause he would be out of this arena and out of pain. jfc i’m done

6. anyways. i’m back cause i couldn’t stop reading.

7. REGULUS AND JAMES ARE REUNITED!!! THANK GOD!!! 😊

8. 😧 wait nevermind. james just mistook regulus for sirius. “James has never, not once in his life under any circumstances, mistaken Regulus for Sirius”

9. james is delulu from medicine and reg just found out that the plan has always been to get reg home. this hits like a motherfucking truck

10. james is high as a fucking kite, can’t figure out why “sirius” is being mean to him, cause he’s never been mean to him. and is also wondering why “sirius” is oddly attractive for being mean

11. it takes james half a chapter, and reg cutting his shirt for james to realize it’s not sirius. cause sirius has different scars. i love james sm 😭😭

12. “What was Sirius thinking? Drugging James? In the middle of the fucking hunger games? That might be the most idiotic thing Regulus has ever known his brother to do, and this is Sirius he's talking about, so that's saying a lot. Sirius once flipped a cigarette in the air and tried to catch it with his mouth while it was lit, and kept doing it until he could actually consistently manage it, no matter how much it burned him. Though, in fairness, he can still do that trick to this day.”

LMAO WHAT??? that’s so random and i love it

13. 😧 legit sobbing. reg says that james lost the spark in his eyes. and he’s the one person he expected to never lose his spark

14. reg reveals that they both can go home. james’ spark is back. i’m sobbing harder now. they’re so in love

15. i eat, breathe, and dream those author end notes. bizzarestars writes their end notes the way my brain processes the fic. <33

chapter 23:

1. starting the chapter off with pain, i see. losing vanity changed james. like. horribly changed him.

2. “What Regulus hates more than James is his suffering.” jfc he’s so emotionally constipated

3. james is sad and all reg can think is hmmmm i want him to start flirting with me again, because it meant he was happy bitch wtf

4. awww they’re cuddling and just got a package! my babies are gonna make it out!

5. reg realizes he has to put on a show, so he offers to feed james. and wants to gouge his eyeballs out for offering that. 😭😭😭😭

6. i’m dying from embarrassment but this is also so fucking funny. reg is like. let’s talk about our feelings. for each other. and james is just like *head tilt* ???

7. “"You weren't my first crush, James," Regulus whispers. "You were my first love."”

james didn’t just make reg feel good, he made reg feel and i am NOT okay.

8. “This whole time, Regulus has been steady on the fact that he wouldn't kiss James to save his own life, but he's apparently willing to do it to save James'.”

JFC why is he so emotionally constipated???

9. THEY KISS????? james is gonna be heartbroken when he realizes it was all an act

10. oh thank god james realized. at least it broke his heart now and not in two weeks

11. *squints* now reg has never wanted anything more than this kiss. girl. please. realize.

12. god, i’ve never read a kiss more beautifully and emotionally desperate written.

13. 😏 reg called him baby again!

14. oh god, maybe i’m just as bad as everyone in the hallow. maybe i’m just as bad as them. cause i enjoy their romance. i enjoy it so much. maybe i’m just as bad as the hallow for that. i- i think this every time i read the hunger games.

15. “James wants to sink his teeth into Regulus and leave the deep imprints of his teeth from one jutting hip bone to the other.” sometimes i forget that jegulus is a little unhinged in ways like this. and every time i’m reminded, I LOVE IT

16. “"You treat me like I'm stupid for daring to see good in people, but if there's no good in anyone, then what's the fucking point?"”

this entire section. this. this is what james is all about

17. 😟 authors note just told me i’m no better than a hallow. for my excitement over jegulus. and- yeah. i guess so. i’m so sorry y’all

#marauders #regulus black #james potter #jegulus #fanfic #sirius black #sunseeker #starchaser #crimson rivers

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stormikins · 2 months

Text

Mass Effect: Failed Opportunities.

An informal rant essay about my opinions and thoughts (and ideas/suggestions) about the choices made in Mass Effect Three. This is all because of this one post, and my friend (@xoshepard) giving me a compliment about my Shepard came back wrong headcanons. So. I’m fueled by validation and rage. A summary of the mentioned post is anonymous regrets that BioWare didn't explore the implications of Shepard dying and coming back and the fact that Liara helped Cerberus in doing so.

Disclaimer: I am a hater in this. I am. No doubt about it. If you like the story and think it’s great and nothing is wrong with it— then I am so happy for you. Truly. I wish I was the same. So, this post might not be for you. Also, this is a rant, and I try to keep it sensible so apologies if it’s not.

Word Count: 3k

TLDR: BioWare flip flops between decisions and choices and never truly settles, disregards choices already made, and leaves players wanting (AND THEIR MOTHERS!) while eviscerating character personalities. Consistency is not in BioWare’s vocabulary. Or dictionary. Or thesaurus.

One of the things that I dislike the most about BioWare's choices regarding this matter is that Shepard starts having these crisis thoughts/questions about if their body is theirs or not, etc. not only in the third game, but at the end of it. The player is literally doing the mission that marks the point of no return in the end, the last of two until the game is finished, and now Shepard is voicing these thoughts. Roughly sixty-ish hours since the beginning of me2 if the player is a completionist. (not to mention how much more time in between playing bc people have lives but I digress). This isn’t a plot hole, it’s a speed bump the player trips over and then the game expects us to get back and get going while asking why our nose is bleeding. Fuck you BioWare.

Now, one could construe this into being part of Shepard's character; squashing down all these conflicting and worrying thoughts to focus on their mission, bc they are a soldier. They literally don't have time for this. But now they're physically confronted with their reconstruction post-awakening haze and/or denial about it all bc Cerberus could be them lying to Shepard bc of manipulation. All right. If that is supposed to be the implication, Shepard putting their mental focus on their mission, why didn't Shepard have this crisis when they were in lock-up for six months, aka where they literally only have time to think?

James having a throwaway comment to Shepard, or another crew member (bc they talk to each other now between missions!), about how he's worried about them, about how Shepard had a freak out some point in lock down, the level of 'freak out' does not need to be expanded upon. Hell, James can just say maybe they passed the time asking each other philosophical questions, maybe about consent and choices and bodily autonomy. It could help lend more weight with Shepard posing these questions during the Cerberus HQ bc these thoughts are still plaguing Shepard. Shepard dies-again-without getting closure-again. This would fall into the cycle theme that the games have.

But, like always, Bioware fails to capitalize on opportunity.

Now. The Citadel DLC. sighs Shepard's repeated variations of "don't want to talk about it" it being the clone and everything else that's happening in the DLC, lends more to the theory of Shepard's supposed to be repressing this all. But the counter point about Shepard having their crisis in lock-up still stands.

What could have been interesting is if Shepard had these identity issues in 2 and potentially in three and given that the Citadel DLC ends with the clone always dying canonically, it can be a pivotal moment for Shepard to realize that they are who they are, different than their me1 counterpart or not (it also would be cool if characters mentioned if the player was choosing choices that an imported me1 Shepard normally would not have) and to have a clarity moment that they are Shepard. This clone and these logs could have provided a clean tying of loose ends of Shepard having identity issues instead of the teammates saying two lines about how they know that Shepard is Shepard and Shepard simply... moving on bc you do all this in the middle of a base attack. The player's mind is already set on defeating Cerberus (finally) and getting revenge, on being so close to the end of the game! It's also OPTIONAL. Yes, the player is automatically entered into a dialogue wheel but the choice to leave without seeing what's on the logs is immediately available.

Another thing the previous post went into was Liara's involvement. Her part in Shepard's reconstruction is not explored in the game. The player never learns about how Liara helped, just that she did and that she lost Feron because of it all to the Shadow Broker. I will not go into the comics, bc 1. I have not read them and 2. If developers must depend on supplemental media to explain key plot points, they are in fact doing it wrong (this is a conversation for another time).

I would not be as bitter about Liara's involvement if the game treated it better. The player has to complete two quests to unlock the dialogue of Liara telling Shepard that she gave their body to Cerberus. Shepard’s renegade dialogue to Liara apologizing about giving their body over is as follows, “all this time, it wasn’t your sources. You knowingly gave me over to Cerberus. You did this to me!” SHEPARD DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING ELSE. JUST SITS BACK DOWN AND THE RENEGADE RESPONSE TO HER SECOND APOLOGY IS TO SAY, “Let me know if you need any more help,” AND YOU LEAVE. WHY IS THIS THE ONLY TIME SHEPARD ACKNOWLEDGES THIS. wow. AND WHY IS IT LIKE THIS? ITS OPTIONAL. I— Again, this could tie into Shepard bottling up feelings and acknowledging them in Me3, could show Shepard as an actual person is the game lets us choose to be mean or turn her off but alas, the player cannot because the game likes ruining Shepard’s character (which I’ll save that for later).

One could say that Liara would go to any lengths for those she loves, whether the player romanced her or not, but in the first game, we have no indication that she is willing to go this far. I have a belief that nothing is 'out of character' if the circumstances are right. Now, these circumstances are right: two important figures in Liara's life die (Shepard and her mother), Liara's only connection to her theories on the extinction of the reapers dies as well, the threat of the Reapers, and all the traumatic experiences she had during me1 and then the destruction of the Normandy all collide together to make it realistic that Liara wouldn't be able to let Shepard go. There is one thing, though, is that this is all boiled down into “I couldn't let you go” and the game doesn't show it. Doesn’t show Liara's descent down into this rabbit hole, doesn't show the switch getting flipped of her turning much more ruthless compared to her me1 characterization.

She does show ruthlessness in some regards in me1, willing to kill her mother no matter their relationship. But out of all the SR1 cast, she is one of the most paragon characters. The game does not show the shift into Liara's characterization. No commentary from Me1 companions about how Liara suddenly shut them out, or from Feron talking about the things Liara was willing to do to get Shepard. No comments from Miranda and Jacob who I do know were part of the retrieval mission about how Liara acted. Liara is just immediately introduced with quoting her mother’s threats. WHICH IS SO INTERESTING! Again AGAIN the game goes nowhere with this. We get optional dialogue from Aethyta about the Matriarch’s being concerned about her but that is optional, and only if the player talked to her in Me2 does she show up in Me3 and deliver said dialogue. Liara herself never confronts this. Even when SHE TALKS ABOUT HER MOTHER. LISTEN— LIARA COULD HAVE TURNED INTO A SCIENTIST THAT WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER RESEARCH. TO PROVE HERSELF RIGHT BECAUSE SHE IS, SHE KNOWS IT AND SHE’LL DO ANYTHING LIKE BRINGING SOMEONE’S DEAD BODY TO A TERRORIST ORGANIZATION TO RESSURECT AND YET—

Garrus, on the other hand, gets his new characterization explained. In me1 he already tends to be reckless, ruthless, and selfish. It is no surprise that when Shepard died and the Council buried the truth, he went vigilante. The game shows his new bleak outlook on life bc we find him fighting for his life in a base full of dead bodies and then he explains he got betrayed. We deal with his character arc. We do not deal with Liara’s.

One could argue that could go and show how Shepard wakes up two years in the future and everything is different and confusing. Which I will agree with. If it was purposeful. And I don’t think it is, personally.

She doesn’t stay this new ruthless way. I am not saying she can’t be more than one-dimensional; I like that she can be soft with Shepard and the other companions. But all of a sudden, she, the character whose introduction in Me3 is her popping a singularity and gunning down two Cerberus goons with a cold look on her face, “can’t be that callous” about not focusing on the death numbers in the middle of a war zone because “that’s my home down there”. A home she rarely talks about, and she’s also been in numerous war zones just as bad as this. Liara, who spent more time in digs or collecting intel than with people, feels a sudden connection with her people.

I would like Liara a lot more if they didn’t eviscerate her character, thank you. Don’t take this the wrong way, I love her, I think she’s great. She just has the potential to be so much more.

Like—

Mass Effect for some reason, tries not to be an RPG. They don't give the players a proper choice/dialogue to allow Shepard to be mad at Liara about what she did. Or to stay mad. (I am not going to get into the debate of whether being mad at Liara should be a renegade option or paragon). It would make sense for someone to get pissed at the person who gave their dead body over to scientists to reanimate, but also terrorist scientists. The same terrorists that Shepard potentially fought in Me1 and also potentially discovered were behind the whole sale slaughter of their entire platoon and the torture of the only other survivor of the incident.

(I can’t remember if Shepard ever mentions Akuze to Cerberus. Funny, isn’t it. How the games like to take away Shepard’s agency but not in any compelling way.)

Besides, simply not choosing paragon options, it’s never mentioned again what Liara did to Shepard, which makes sense if Shepard accepted Liara’s apology. But what if Shepard, and the player, doesn’t? Liara’s forced on the player in Me3 as Shepard potential confidant, showing up repeatedly to Shepard’s cabin to move the plot forward, give Shepard missions/updates. Yes, the player can refuse to get personal with her which I do appreciate it. Like I said, Liara’s actions never get brought up in any meaningful way to help Shepard on a character journey.

Another failed opportunity about Shepard’s character is when the games don’t get into what Shepard is like post-resurrection. The game seems to be in the middle ground of making Shepard different but not still human, but in actuality, they can in the words of Hannah Montana, have “the best of both worlds”.

Me2 shows how Shepard is different now. “I’ve noticed a few upgrades,” Shepard states when talking to the Illusive Man on Minute Man station. Shepard can have multiple hard-hitting drinks in a row along with Ryncol in Dark Star, Zakera Ward. A poison tailored for humans served by a batarian bartender in the lower segment of Afterlife only knocks Shepard out, not killing them like it does to every human before.

That is how far the game will go in showing how different Shepard is, not counting renegade scarring. Which is a waste.

Shepard is The Protagonist. The main character. They have done the actual impossible. They are the Sole Survivor, the Hero of Elysium, the Butcher of Torfan, Savior of the Citadel, repeller of Geth, Collector, and Reaper armies and a host of other incredible achievements. They are a prophet, the damned, a modern-day Cassandra. The tip of the Spear, the Diplomat, the Soldier. Coats in the FOB on Earth says that it means something to the soldiers to see Shepard with them. They are “a tool, an agent with a singular purpose,” TIM calls them. (And a Karen ‘accuse her of classism’).

And yet, when Shepard gets revived—the most impossible of all things (and yes, it’s not like they had anything to do with it, it was Miranda and her team, but the Lazarus project only had one subject)—they are not made further into something larger than life. Something Other. Something that sets them out from the others. Because they’re Commander Fucking Shepard.

They literally have a vision of a dying race in their head that propels them to stop the Reapers. Me1 does a great job of playing with it. The player sees it once in Me2 and Me3, a side mission (Blue Suns: Archaeological Site) and after retrieving Javik, respectively.

Mass effect is all about cycles. The Reaper’s, Saren/Tim parallels, etc. What could have been interesting was instead of the reoccurring dream we have about a child that gets his emotional impact tarnished because of said dream and the star-child, the game does a mesh of the vision, prothean civilization in ruin, and the ruins we see of current civilizations from the missions Shepard goes on. Keep the oily shadows that whisper quotes from our dead teammates, but also have their voices coming from long dead Protheans pleading with Shepard to stop the Reapers, to save them.

Shepard can’t get any escape from the war, from the Reapers in their sleeping nor waking hours.

The game not making Shepard Other and going in the opposite direction—that despite all these upgrades Shepard is still human—would be fine if it was done better. A good stereotype of “I’m only human” is when a character fails. Shepard fails in Me3 most prominently on Thessia. I’m all for having characters fail but only when it’s done not so obnoxiously.

It’s a terrible fight. It is. Kai Leng hides behind a gunship that Shepard took down at least three separate times in Me2. Two of these instances are non-optional (Garrus and Samara’s recruitment, with Kasumi’s loyalty quest being the third). So, Shepard—Commander Shepard who literally destroyed a proto-Reaper—can’t destroy a gunship. It’s insulting how they ruin Shepard’s character in three.

In the end cutscene, Shepard clearly hears and registers that Kai Leng orders the gunship to fire on the supports of the structure and… runs further into the building. One could argue Shepard was trying to get the Prothean VI for the catalyst, but Liara is shown scanning it with her Omni-tool. What did she do, if not copy it? Why would she not? Why wouldn’t Shepard? They’re in the middle of a war zone, with enemies that were just right outside the door. Why stop for a chat here and now? (I know why, the plot demands it and lore dumping— lore that contradicts the lore dump by Vigil in Me1 so I’m even more inclined to not like these proceedings).

Kai Leng is Shepard’s nemesis in Me3 (and I’m forever mad that he is) and he’s supposed to be badass and edgy and able to go toe-to-toe with Shepard. Yet the game shows he can’t. He can’t reach his target because a terminally ill drell stopped him, or he didn’t notice Bau being cloaked in front of the Salarian councilor. (I can also go into how stupid this scene is with BOTH Thane and Bau).

He gets one over Shepard with the C-SEC sky car chase but that doubles back to BioWare ruining Shepard’s character by making them an idiot. Why not hit the brakes? Why not do a couple barrel rolls? Why fire through what should be bullet proof glass because it’s a C-SEC sky car?

Kai Leng can’t go toe-to-toe with Shepard unless Shepard gets dumbed down into an idiot and isn’t someone who reached not only Commander rank but also became the first human spectre. HELLO!?

So, Shepard failing and still being human and fallible doesn’t hit because they execute it poorly via Kai Leng and his stupid plot armor.

Who would be Shepard’s nemesis if not Kai Leng? HARBINGER. YOU KNOW THE REAPER THAT TAUNTED SHEPARD IN ME2? THE VERY FIRST REAPER MADE? THE REAPER THAT WE ONLY SEE—NOT TALK TO—SEE IN THE LAST HOUR OF THE GAME? THAT GUY. (matter of fact, throw in some of Harby’s arrogant lines about Shepard not being able to stop the Reapers in the alternative dream.) Harbinger should have possessed troops like he did in Me2 in the major Reaper battles. Earth. Menae. Thessia. He should have showed up somewhere, boasting about how they’re darkening the sky of every world. YES THAT’S A SOVEREIGN CALL BACK CYCLES! SHEPARD’S VISION IS COMING TRUE RIGHT BEFORE THEIR EYES AND HE’S NOT BRAGGING!? I THINK THE FUCK NOT! If you’re gonna make the Reapers so obsessed with Shepard as shown in Me2 with Harbinger’s comments and making a human looking Reaper, KEEP THE OBSESSION FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I hate that the Reapers are obsessed with Shepard, Reapers who are above organics, have no weaknesses etc. and the entirety of Sovereign’s brilliant Virmire speech, because it’s not CARRIED OVER!

The enemies should have primarily been the Reapers from the start, and Cerberus the splinter group trying to sabotage the player. Make them smaller. Keep them kidnapping people for troops and biotic tests and lying about Sanctuary being a sanctuary and not run by Cerberus. Continuously have them send assassins—plural! Phantoms and nemesis— after Shepard with Kai Leng at the head of them. Even better if a strike group of baddies show up randomly during missions and watch out! Now Shepard has to deal with them as they fight the Reapers—in the same mission— because Cerberus wants to stop Shepard from killing the Reapers so they could control them and secure human dominance. Kai Leng is kept away from his target because they’re also fighting Shepard where Reapers are. Have them locked into statements until the environment falls apart literally forces them apart. Have them actually be equal adversaries.

Cerberus is introduced to be a mere group Shepard took out in Me1. They’re not all gone in Me2 surprise! Okay that’s fine and yet they not only sunk so many resources into Shepard and had so many cells gone rogue but they’re able to stage a coup on the Citadel! Pardon?? “But our resources are not unlimited, rebuilding you was a significant investment. And a significant risk,” Miranda tells Shepard in Me2. Cerberus kidnapping people on Benning would make sense if they’re scrambling for troops other than the relying on Sanctuary. (EVEN IN ME3 THERE ARE ‘ROGUE FACTIONS’— still a common occurrence for them. It’s never explained if Cerberus is lying about Benning or not). If they have these many rogue cells, again, how can they manage all they do in Me3? Especially if scientists are leaving Cerberus as well, aka the Ex-Cerberus Scientist mission Traynor gives you.

Yet, the player talks more to the Illusive Man than Harbinger in Me3, the leader of the Reapers, and we confront TIM at the end of the game, the most pivotal moment. The moment which people have sunk countless hours into, and we get a power hungry and indoctrinated TIM to… talk into shooting himself or firing a single bullet at him. There is no physical fight between the two. The conversation is similar to Saren’s and again, cycles are a theme, so why can’t we get a Reaper!TIM fight? The player, and Shepard, deserve the choice to fuck him up. This is a military game after all, they’re supposed to be encouraging our aggressive nature.

They ruin TIM but also Shepard.

Shepard never grows and changes like the characters around them, and their resurrection could have—should have—played a part in that. If they’re supposed to remain the same, be a tool for the narrative, make them it. Lean into that. The player chooses options. What would be an interesting mechanic is to make it a struggle for a certain background to get a certain morality. Have Shepard be stating doubts about who they are and if the player is contradicting a stereotypical background (Butcher trying to be paragon, a Hero trying to be renegade), they meet the camera—the players eyes—as they explain their inner turmoil. Make Shepard feel like the tool they are, like they’re not in control of their actions. A renegade overcoming it all and being a paragon hero, or a fall from grace paragon that brings the galaxy down with them. A renegade trapped in a cycle of violence (CYCLE) who can only see the world down the barrel of a gun, or a paragon who continuously chooses kindness. MAKE IT MEAN SOMETHING!

I think I’m done. So.

In conclusion, my love and passion for this game transitions into rage because of seeing possibilities squashed like a bug under a boot. To borrow Star War’s phrase: Mass Effect could be so good if it was good.

#mass effect #yes im putting this in the tag idc #anyways this was fun #im finally dictating my thoughts on ME3 cause it fucking sucks #ive played this game the most out of the entire trilogy and any other game i own

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newtonsheffield · 4 months

Note

Molly…what happens when Kate sees Anthony the next day? I suspect an angsty conversation on the drive to the children’s hospital. How does Kate come to realize that Anthony wants more than just a short term, secret affair? Does she feel the same and she’s afraid to tell him because let’s face it…signing up for a royal life is in many ways a huge sacrifice and maybe she’s convinced he won’t think she’s worth it?

Oh it’s pretty tense. Mostly because they’d sort of agreed like a month or two before that night that they weren’t really seeing over people. It’s a relationship, at least in Kate’s eyes. She describes herself as Seeing Someone. when she first met Michael she didn’t feel single and she told him she wasn’t and now it feels like her and Anthony are fighting and she doesn’t know why. She hasn’t done anything. And it just… feels like it had started to with James. She’d stayed with him for years too long anyway but she’d started to realise that he didn’t actually like her. Or he did, but only enough to tolerate her. What he really liked was the attention he got from the rumours that swirled around them. The speculation of an engagement that she knew was never coming. Or rather she’d known she’d never accept. He’d never even met her parents. She hadn’t wanted him to. He’d loved the idea of being the boyfriend of a future queen much more than he’d liked her. Kate.

And maybe, no matter how different Anthony seemed from him; He was losing interest as well.

He bowed when she exited the house, the car already on the drive, “Your highness.”

“Good morning, Anthony.” He opened the car door for her to slide in and she cleared her throat as she put the screen up between the driver and herself, “Anthony could you sit in with me please? We need to review the plan.”

It was unfair of her, she knew, to force him to talk to her when he clearly wanted nothing to do with her. But she didn’t want to keep feeling like this. She’d missed him last night, when she’d gone home and taken off the stupid lingerie she’d bought with him in mind and gone to bed early, an eye mask on that made her feel no better.

Anthony inclined his head again, and slipped into the car beside her, clearing his throat as the car pulled away, “We’re scheduled for about two hours, but I know you’ll want to be-”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

Anthony swallowed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t go home with you last night.”

Kate rolled her eyes, “I’m not mad we didn’t have sex. I’m mad because it feels like we’ve had an argument and I don’t know what the fuck I did.”

Anthony pinched the bridge of his nose and his fingers twitched beside her when she tried to lay her hand over his, “I… I don’t know. I saw you with… that Prince, Stirling. And I… I don’t know.”

Kate’s stomach dropped, “Okay, well, nothing’s going on between Michael and me.”

“But your parents wish there was.”

“He has a girlfriend in the city. That’s why he keeps coming back. He and I are friends.”

Anthony froze, “A girlfriend?”

“Yes, he has a girlfriend. And He knows that you and I…” She wasn’t sure how to categorize them. They hadn’t.

“He knows about us?”

“Yes, he doesn’t care, we’re just hanging out.”

Anthony nodded slowly, swallowing, “Well, your parents still don’t know so it doesn’t matter.”

“Is that what you want? You want me to tell them?” She was surprised how eager she was to do it. If that’s what he wanted, She was ready to start the process of him being presented as her partner. Even though she knew what it would mean. They’d be expected to marry in due course. She’d been with James for years and the official palace line had been that they were “Spending time together” Another thing he’d grown impatient with. But for Anthony she would do it.

“I don’t… know. No.”

“Because you aren’t sure about me?” It would be better to know. She’d rather know now and spend the weekend with tears rolling down her face

“Because I’m not ready for this to be over.”

The car pulled to a stop and before Kate could say anything, Anthony had thrown open the car door and was waiting for her outside.

#bodyguard au #kathony #anthony x kate #kate sharma #kate sheffield #anthony bridgerton #molly’s asks and answers

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paigegonerogue · 8 days

Text

Something ‘When We Are in Need…’ does SO well is that throughout the whole episode you have the same reactions, and feel the same things as Ellie.

It starts and she’s hungry and Joel’s really sick and it makes you, the viewer, scared for Joel and scared for Ellie, too.

Then she goes hunting and finds the deer and then she meets David, and it’s suspicious and you don’t trust him, then they start to talk and it’s a good time and you almost start to have fun and then…

“James put the gun down.”

Right along with Ellie you think: Oh fuck. Shit just got real.

I watched a video essay on how they were able to accomplish this setup and turn, and it’s really just an incredible feat of writing, directing, and acting.

Then you and her are desperate to heal up Joel, and feel that sad sort of warmth as she cuddles up to him.

Then the Silver Lakers come back and Joel’s helpless and still you feel the same thing as Ellie through the whole sequence, you feel the same worry for Joel and the same intensity. Then she gets taken down and right along with her you think ‘uh-oh’.

The next scene with Ellie is when she wakes up in the cage, and once again it all applies. You, along with Ellie, are super wary of David and are desperate to escape. To get out of there.

Then you see the ear at the same time as Ellie. Even if you already suspected the cannibalism from the earlier scene with the stew, you still have that same disgusted reaction of ‘oh god are they gonna eat her?!’.

Then he takes her hand, and you have that same awful, shuddering realization. Even if you were like me and immediately were like “this guy is definitely bad”, you still get that confirmation, and the you still absolutely have that ‘oh fuck’ moment.

Then she breaks his finger, and just like her you have that moment of victory, before once again it all comes crashing down.

Then through the ‘I’m infected’ and restaurant fire fight your heart is pounding and you’re barely breathing. It’s intense and scary and then he’s on top of Ellie and I don’t think any piece of media has ever gotten me more scared.

Then she starts hacking at his face with the cleaver, and that scene is… indescribable, honestly.

Ellie stumbles out of the burning building and you just feel shocked.

Joel comes up behind her and her pulse jumps momentarily, and then you see it’s Joel and just like Ellie you’re so so glad he’s here. And his ‘I gotchu baby girl’ is in my opinion the most comforting, sad, cathartic moment on television.

The way that we’ve been in Ellie’s shoes the whole episode, with her rather than watching from the outside, makes that final moment so much more impactful. We’ve been through hell with Ellie, and now we get that comfort too. It’s absolutely brilliant filmmaking, and was such a good way to play it for maximum emotional ‘oomf’.

It’s also why I sorta disagree with many of pacing complaints about that episode, because if it was too extended or had unnecessary action scenes it would’ve lost those “shared feelings”.

Also, I know not everyone felt this way watching the episode, especially people who played the games because they already knew what was going to happen, meaning that they couldn’t have those heel turns and realizations that put you so well in Ellie’s head. (I have a different post about this general effect).

But I think it was very intentional, and for people who it worked for it was some of the most impactful, incredible tv, period.

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first-edition · 1 year

Text

Lyrics

Mafia boss Bucky x singer! Reader

Sum- you and Bucky had been together for 3 years before he left, he had even put a ring on your finger. You never knew why he left but it broke you to peices. One day he comes to the club you sing at and you change the song to show him how much your hurting.

Warning- mention of breakup, cussing, sad ending (if you want a good ending ask for it. For now you get to cry.) mention of guns, vehicle destruction.

This is part 1

Part 2 ‘letter’

Part 3 ‘love’

I’d rather go blind by Beyoncé (Etta james)

Bucky walks in a few of his body guards following close behind.

“Bucky!” Steve calls from the other side of the room. He walks over giving his friend a hug smiling.

“How have you been.?” He asks

“Im alright you?” Bucky asks

“Yeah I’m good, hey I gotta treat for you tonight we hired this girl a few months back she’s got an amazing voice. Her name is pudding she’s fucking incredible.” Steve says.

Bucky chuckles

“You got strippers too now?” He asks Stevelaughs

“That’s next week pal” he says other people begin to gather in and pretty soon the show begins to start the lights dim and music begins to play.

Bucky takes his seat in the middle table around the best row. Buckys ear perk as the steady melody hits his heart the familiar music. The curtain opens revealing you.

Bucky sits up his eyes widening. You seem to notice him and sigh rolling your eyes you walk off to the side as the music cuts you walk back in the stage and a different song plays. Bucky frowns confused if your okay. Seeing you in the beautiful skin right dress your make up done and hair falling down your back.

The music begins to play again but it’s a different song.

You begin to sing the song your wrote after Bucky had left you. The lyric hit his ears as he begins to realized just how much he hurt you. He didn’t get to tell you why, didn’t give a reason, didn’t leave a note, or a text, he left 1 million dollars in your bank account and you in the California king bed in his pent house that he’d left in your name.

Something told me it was over (Yeah)

When I saw you and her talking deep

Something deep down in my soul said cry girl (cry, cry)

When I saw you and that girl walking around whoo ooh

You remaine your glaze on him feeling tears begin to fall down your cheeks. Your voice becomes stronger as you sing about how he hurt you.

I would rather, I would rather go blind boy Then to see you walk away from me child naw naw whoo ooh

Bucky runs his fingers through his hair sighing as he ties it up in a bun, looking down not being able to bear your face now tear stained. He’d always promised you he’d never hurt you even though he left to keep you safe he needed you. When steve had asked him if he’s been alright that wasn’t the truth.

He left 6 months ago and hasn’t had a good night sleep since. He’s more hostile to his empylees and takes less bullshit than he did with you. You keep him sane, calm, loved…Happy.

So you see I love you so much that I don't wanna watch you leave me baby

Most of all I just don't

I just don't wanna be free now whoo ooh, Woo oh

Bucky feels a lump in his throat something he hasn’t felt since you had yes to marrying him the pure joy the engulfed him but now it was filled with sadness. Pain that he’d been hiding this entire time.

That ring still on your finger it glistens in the stage light. ‘Why do you still wear it if you’re so hurt?’ ‘why dont you look away from him?’ ‘do you still love him?”

I was just, I was just, I was just sitting here thinking of your kiss, And your warm embrace yeah When a reflection in a glass that I held to my lips now baby Revealed these tears that are on my face whoo ooh

Bucky gets up from his seat sniffing before finishing the glass of bourbon steve so kindly placed in his hand. He takes on last look at you before walking off his body guards follow. He walks out of the club before letting out a yell not angry not to cause attention of pure pain pissed off at himself for not treating you right in the end you deserved a goodbye, a reason, you deserve better that too much money and shit memories.

And baby, and baby, baby I'd rather be blind boy

Then to see you walk away

Walk away from me yeah ”FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!” Bucky yells kicking his car and breaks off the side mirror chucking it through the windshield. He punches the door of the car denting it in his metal arm making sparks fly before drawing his gun and shooting it until the ammo is out.

And baby, baby, baby I'd rather be blind boy

Then to see you walk away, Walk away from me

He falls to his knees beginning to sob. Still being able to hear your voice from outside the club as it dies down into Applause then default music begin to play.

Bucky pants sobbing into the black asphalt not even realizeing your steps up to him you kneel down in front of him. He looks up his hair disheveled falling out of the bun it was once tied up in a bun.

You see his tired face the stubble and bag under his eyes. His blue eyes darkened and red by the tears.

“Im sorry…im so so sorry.” His voice breaks.

You nod. Your eyebrows knit together. Tears stream down his face. You place you hand on his cheek he leans into it. Yo lean into him kissing his lips to which he immediately kisses you back.

Lips against his for a few more seconds before you pull away and looking into his eyes his gaze softening. You look down at you hand the ring glistening against your skin. You take it off and take his hand placing it in him palm.

“Y/n..” he begins.

“You left me…but you forgot this.” You say before getting up and walking back into the club. Bucky pleads out watching you walk away.

#Sad bucky x reader #marvel #james buchanan barnes #Bucky x reader #james barnes x reader #mafia boss #mafia bucky x reader #mafia bucky barnes

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engie-ivy · 2 years

Text

(Early for @wolfstarmicrofic! That's new for me! Wolfstar Get-Together Fluff! That's not new for me😋)

4th: Tumbling

It was a right person at the wrong time situation. Now, time has changed, but, as Sirius points out, the person hasn't.

Literally Right Here

Remus steps outside, hoping that the cool air will calm him down a bit. He feels frustrated and annoyed. Also a little hurt. And okay, admittedly, jealous.

Prewett eyeing Sirius up all night. Dearborn buying him drinks with his endless stream of flirtatious comments. Fenwick touching Sirius’ arm constantly and so very unnecessarily.

“Rem? You okay?”

Sirius.

Remus takes a deep breath and turns around. “Yeah, alright. I’m just... frustrated.” He wasn’t really planning to elaborate much, but maybe the frustration is just too strong, because the words keep tumbling out. “With the whole situation. I mean, I don’t regret it. I made the only decision I could’ve made, I know I did. But sometimes I just wish I didn’t have to make that decision, you know?”

“...not really,” Sirius says slowly.

Remus sighs and looks away. “I guess I just hate that I’ve missed my chance.”

“Chance at what?”

“Dating.”

Sirius chuckles. “Remus, what are you talking about? Of course you haven’t missed your chance at dating! You’re only twenty-two, for god’s sake. You’re smart and handsome, and everybody adores you. You still got plenty of opportunity to date.”

“Dating you, I mean.”

A couple of years ago, Remus was in a bad place.

He’s had a lonely childhood, living off somewhere remote with only his parents, being home-schooled. He only got into contact with kids his age when he went to high school, and that went... poorly. Remus wasn’t used to social situations, plus he looked different because of the scars on his body from an accident when he was six years old, and he quickly learned how cruel kid his age can be.

When Remus started college, he met Sirius, James, Peter, Lily, Marlene and Mary, who were kind to him and wanted him around, and Remus... did not take it well. He felt like a fraud. Like he was fooling them into thinking he was a person worth having around, misleading them by making them believe he deserved their friendship, and it would only be a matter of time until they found out he really didn’t.

Then, things got even worse when an uncharacteristically nervous Sirius confessed that he had an interest in Remus that went beyond friendship, and asked him out on a date.

Remus completely panicked. Just the idea of dating Sirius filled him with dread. He’d only be waiting for Sirius to realise that he could do way better than him, and consequently blaming Remus for wasting his time. Although Remus didn’t know much about dating, he did know that panic and dread aren’t what you’re supposed to feel when thinking about going out with someone, so Remus did the only thing he could do and rejected Sirius.

In the next two years, thanks to an amazing professor, Ms McGonagall, who saw the potential in Remus and helped him see that potential himself, talks with a psychologist, and the continued love and support of his friends, including Sirius, who wasn’t resentful and decided that if a friend was all he could be to Remus, he was going to be the best friend ever, Remus got better. Sure, he still has his insecurities and anxieties, but overall, he now knows he is a worthwhile person who has something to offer.

So no, Remus wouldn’t change what he did. He just wishes it hadn’t been necessary to do it. Especially when he thinks about Sirius’ eyes, or Sirius’ smile, or Sirius’ kindness, or, well, anything about Sirius really. When he sees everyone vying for Sirius’ attention, and he realizes that, under different circumstances, Sirius Black could’ve been his.

Because Remus knows by now that it had only been the timing that was wrong, not the person. He is, in fact, hopelessly in love with Sirius.

Sirius stiffens. “Dating me? You’ve never wanted to date me.”

“I’ve never been able to date you,” Remus corrects. “I wasn’t able to date anyone back then, wasn’t in any position to be dating, not with how insecure I was. I would’ve freaked out about everything, to the point where you would finally be fed up and leave, ruining our friendship in the process.”

Sirius opens his mouth to protest, but Remus continues.

“I don’t regret that I rejected you, I just regret that I was in a place where I had to reject you. But it was never about you, you know? I actually kinda really like you.”

Sirius just looks at him for a while, and then he says “You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed, aren’t you, Remus?”

“Excuse me?”

“Have you ever considered,” Sirius asks. “If you are ready to date and are interested in me, to just ask me out?”

Remus stares at him. “Assume you’d still want to date me? After I already rejected you? Wouldn’t that be a bit presumptuous?”

“If you would’ve come up to me and said ‘Okay, Sirius. Thank you for waiting. I took my time, and now I do want to date you, so let’s go’, then yes, I would’ve thought ‘Huh, that’s a bit presumptuous’,” Sirius says. “But if you said ‘Hey, I’m in a much better place than I used to be, and I know it’s been a while, but if you’re perhaps still interested, would you consider going out with me?’ that would’ve been fine! More than fine. That would’ve been pretty great, actually.”

Remus still stares at him.

“You’re regretting what you’ve lost, but you fail to see that the thing you think you’ve lost, is actually right here.” Sirius waves his arms. “Like literally right here!”

Remus continues to stare at him.

Sirius sighs. “I don’t think I can make it any more clear. Just think about it.” He turns and walks back into the pub.

Remus keeps staring at the door for a while, then he reaches a conclusion and marches inside.

Sirius is at the bar chatting to James. Remus walks up to them and taps Sirius on the shoulder. As Sirius turns around Remus immediately speaks. “Hey, I’m in a much better place than I used to be, and I know it’s been a while, but if you’re perhaps still interested, would you consider going out with me?”

“Fucking finally”, James mutters, while Sirius grins. “Why, Remus, what a wonderful suggestion! Come to think of it, I might still be interested, yeah.”

He then throws his arms around Remus, pulling him into a hug, and as he does so, he whispers in his ear “Always have been, always will be.”

#my tumblr writing #wolfstar microfic #wolfstar #wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar fic #marauders #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic #sirius black #remus lupin #remus x sirius #college au #wolfstar college au

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cowboyellies · 10 months

Text

august e.w. (1)

summary/ author’s note: hello! this is my first tumblr fanfic (also my first post because I’m not really sure yet how this website functions lol) I decided since it’s august to write an ellie fic inspired by the taylor swift song! (and the folklore love triangle in general) for those already aware of the story, ellie is supposed to be james, dina is betty, and the reader is augustine. the characters are all supposed to be in the summer before they start college (18) so a slight difference from taylors lyrics. other than that the story is pretty much the same (aka angsty with a sad ending for poor reader </3) this is gonna be a multiple part fic so buckle up!

for those not knowledgeable in the folklore cinematic universe: after an awful fight with dina right before the start of summer (and dina’s three month long summer trip) ellie is left with unanswered questions about her and dina’s relationship and their future. ellie then meets you and pretty soon you begin a summer fling, leaving you questioning whether she was ever yours to lose?

warnings/themes: angst!!lots of it, cheating (womp womp), ellie is stupid and kind of a dick, reader is delusional and a little pathetic (me core), alcohol and weed use, eventual sexual themes (prob not in great detail because i suck at writing smut) talk of non consensual groping, homophobia (fun!)

word count: 2.1k

---

you decided to leave the prom an hour and a half early. the music was lame, the tacky decorations didn’t do nearly enough to mask your public school’s moldy gym, and your date, who you had made sure to inform multiple times that you were just going as friends, tried to stick his tongue down your throat in the middle of the dance floor. you said goodbye to your small group of friends who were still partying with their dates, and made it to the exit of the sweaty gym, making sure to toss the lame corsage you had been given in the trash on the way out. since your debt ridden public school had cheapened out at the last minute and moved the prom’s venue from a nice event hall two towns over to the gymnasium, your friends decided to skip the whole overly expensive limo thing and just take your cars. you made your way to your old but lovable station wagon and began driving the opposite way from your house. you knew if you came home this early your mom would bother you with questions so you figured you’d stop and get a slurpee to pass the time.

and that’s when you saw her, the girl you had seen earlier in the night awkwardly standing near the punch bowl fiddling with her thumbs while her date danced energetically with her friends. you had seen ellie williams before but never paid much attention to her. she had a famously close friendship with dina woodward, probably the most beloved girl in your small town yet she herself kind of flew under the radar. It wasn’t until tonight when you saw ellie in her black suit, arms linked with dina as they entered the dance that you realized they were definitely together. given your small town’s outdated views and ridiculously rampant gossip mill they could obviously never label themselves as together publicly, but you could tell. you knew the small town closeted lesbian look all too well.

you noticed now as you approached the reddened stop light where you both would be waiting for the next minute that she looked really sad. her posture crumpled as she trudged along the broken cobblestone, a look one could only describe as heart broken across her face. Impulsively you felt your fingers moving to roll down the car window. you weren’t the type of person to involve yourself in anyone’s personal problems, but the mixture of your own shitty night and ellie's grim expression moved something in you to open up that window.

“hey!” you called out to her across the sidewalk. her saddened daze broke and she looked up at you surprised, so lost in thought she forgot anyone else in the world existed. “get in!” you yelled, shocking yourself in the process. you watched as her face changed from confusion to wariness. you watched as she mulled the proposition over in head, registering your prom dress as a sign you had come from the same place as her and therefore most likely were not trying to murder her, only give her a ride home. she hurried over to your car before the light could turn green, shutting the door with intense force behind her making the both of you slightly jump. soon after the light turned green and you began driving to the 7-11 which was only a couple of minutes away, a 90s song quietly played in the background as you nervously tapped your fingers on the wheel, starting to regret your decision as you weren’t sure what to say.

Ellie opened up her mouth a few times to talk, but realized she wasn’t sure what to say either. This night had worn her down to exhaustion and for the first time in hours sitting silently in your car provided her with a surprising sense of calm. as your car finally pulled into the neon lit 7-11 parking lot you finally turned to look at her. her expression while still sad had lightened a little and you noticed now under the intense lighting how pretty her freckles were.

“do you want a slurpee?”

—

you and ellie sat on the hood of your car quietly sipping your slurpees, yours a mixture of cherry and coke, her’s blue raspberry. the parking lot where you sat was vacant, the only other car there was likely the worker of the 7-11 behind you.

“so…” you began to speak, putting an end to the comfortable silence. “prom was pretty great huh” you joked. she shook her head and smiled lightly, turning to look at you the first time that night. she noticed quickly that you were very beautiful, a fact that hadn’t crossed her mind in the midst of her heartache. she wondered suddenly why you had left the prom as early as her, another thought that hadn’t crossed her mind.

“so um, dina, was she your date?” you asked, trying to keep your voice as nonchalant as possible, already knowing the weight behind your words. you noticed her body stiffen and soon regretted bringing it up.

“sort of yeah,” she replied, her voice harsh. an awkward silence rested between you two until she began to speak again. “what about you, no date?”

“I wish, I had a date, jamie dawson. I thought we were just going as friends until he tried to grope me during the cha cha slide,” you cringed, taking another slip of your slurpee.

“gross. he’s a dick.” she replied. he was a dick, ellie had thought so ever since she caught him looking at dina’s ass while she cheered at last year’s fall pep rally. she wanted so badly in that moment to yell at him, inform him she was taken. but of course she couldn’t.

a similar situation is what led to her current shitty mood. she showed up to dina’s that night, crumpled corsage in hand as she nervously knocked on her door. she was greeted by dina’s dad. mr. woodward had always scared ellie since the first time she had met him in eighth grade. he made his disdain for ellie clear to his daughter, as he disapproved dina having such a close relationship with a girl like her, a girl who skateboarded around town in her dirty converse and boyish clothes. he hated how close they were and even though they had always done their best to hide the real nature of their relationship, he always suspected something was going on between them. when mr. woodward saw her at the door standing in her thrifted suit, his face crumpled in contempt, the first hindering in ellie’s confidence that night.

she brushed past that as she made her way into the woodward’s foyer where dina and her friends resided. ellie knew most of the girls due to cheer performances and all the time’s dina had dragged her along to events like this, but she was never really close with any of them. along with dina’s friends stood their dates, most of them douchey football players who were among the bunch of boys who found pleasure in shouting homophobic insults at her in the school halls. the one nice one among them she recognized was jesse. ellie knew him from her astronomy class and had always liked partnering up with him for group projects, his sense of humor was similar to hers and they always found themselves being scolded by the teacher for laughing during lectures.

she creeped inside awkwardly waving as the crowd eyed her entrance. dina wasn’t in the room and she quickly began to panic until jesse snapped her out of it by dapping her up.

“ELLIE!!!” he shouted as he wrapped her in a bro hug. she found herself being thankful to whichever cheer girl brought him as her date.

soon after dina descended from the stairs, scanning the room to see if ellie arrived yet. when her eyes landed on the auburn haired girl she broke out into one of her signature bright smiles. when she reached ellie she quickly wrapped ellie in a hug, making sure not to let the gesture linger considering her parents were in the corner setting up their fancy digital camera. “took you long enough,” she teased

“sorry I forgot your corsage and had to go ba-”

“I’m just teasing you, I don't care,” she replied gently, reaching down to grab the plastic corsage container. ellie blushed, noticing since she’d arrived all of dina’s friends sporting much fancier corsages. “I love it!” dina beamed. opening the box for ellie to put it on her. dina’s parents eyed them from the side of the room, suspicious of the intimate gesture. The only reason they allowed dina to go as ellie’s “date” was because dina told them no one had asked her. that was a blatant lie, there was a day the week before prom where three boys had asked her in one lunch period.

the group lined up for group pictures and ellie stood nervously, trying to look as platonic as possible posing next to her girlfriend of almost two years. soon when people began branching off to do couples pics, dina’s parents beckoned her over. ellie stood in her original position but could clearly hear the whole conversation.

“we noticed that nice boy jesse is going stag, why don’t you two pose for some pictures together?” dina’s mom prodded, stroking dina’s hair. ellie tensed.

“mom n-”

“come on sweetie, when you're older don’t you want to show your kids pictures of your date from your senior prom? not pictures of you and your friend,” her voice hardening on the word friend. dina began protesting more but suddenly mrs. woodward was calling jesse over to them. ellie watched in the corner as the woodward’s began posing the two of them together. dina sported a tense smile while jesse, confused by the situation but happy he got to be in that close of a vicinity to a hot girl smiled brightly.

after the pictures the group made their way into the big limo dina’s parents had rented. dina linked arms with ellie and quickly noticed her tense nature. “hey, i'm sorry about that,” she whispered softly.

“s’ okay” ellie replied, forcing a small smile. she knew dina wasn’t at fault for her parents' insane actions, but that didn’t stop her from hurting whenever they pulled stuff like that.

the rest of the night continued on regularly. ellie still felt awkward amongst dina’s friends but tried her best to put on a front for her. as she and her friends danced energetically to early 2000s hits, ellie stayed to the side, letting her girlfriend enjoy the night without having to subject her to her awkward dancing. she figured she would pop in during the slow songs, the light swaying they required being the only move she could handle. that’s why when the ridiculously corny ed sheeran song that for some reason dina loved came on, ellie began making her way to the dance floor. she stopped suddenly at the edge of the floor when she saw dina smiling as she swayed with jesse. ellie’s heart dropped when she saw their joyful expressions, jesse spinning dina at a completely different tempo than what the song called for, both of them laughing hysterically

in retrospect ellie should have known this supposed act of intimacy she had walked in on was just jesse dicking around and trying to ruin the slow song for the rest of the couples on the dance floor, but seeing her laughing and holding onto his hands made ellie want to hurl. so much so, she quickly exited the gym. trudging alone in the dark scraping her doc martens on the rundown cobblestone street until you came along, offering her a ride.

you watched as ellie finished her slurpee, her face bitter as she recalled the night's events. you didn’t press her on it any further, knowing by her expression whatever had happened was bad.

“where do you live? I’ll give you a ride. I have to kill time before I get home anyway,” you said as you slid off your car's hood and began unlocking it.

“thanks,” she replied, mimicking your actions. after she got in the car she began thinking back to your last sentence. “why can’t you go home?”

“don’t want my mom asking annoying questions. you know, worrying about me and shit,”

“I get that,” she thought of what joel would say when she returned home, all bleary eyed and disheveled looking. she realized she should probably wait to go home until she knew he was asleep. “actually, um if you don’t have anywhere to be… could we just drive around for a bit?”

you smiled softly and placed your hand on the ignition, “sure.”

—

authors note: sorry not much happens in this chapter I promise it will get good in the next one I just wanted to introduce the story a little and try to explain ellie and dina’s relationship before I got into writing more about the reader and ellie🫶

#ellie williams #ellie william angst #ellie williams au #tlou #tlou2 #ellie tlou #ellie the last of us #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams fanfic #august #august by taylor swift #folklore love triangle #modern!ellie williams #modern au #cowboyellies

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