#but it's also fandom based :ANGUISH: | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

12.7% of mobile users access Tumblr.

#but it's also fandom based :ANGUISH:

arepitademanteca · 3 months

Text

Transformers Prime has a disappointing fandom

I have never been so disappointed with a fandom as much as now…

After being a part of fandoms like The Owl House and Rise Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and having absorbed the endless anguish of their most tragic characters artistically reflected by their fandom, I can say that it is disrespectful to Transformers Prime that it is not made enough anguish.

Where are the Bumblebee fanfics, fanarts, analysis?

HE HAS ALL THE JUICY CHARACTERISTICS OF A TRAGIC CHARACTER WITH EXPLOITABLE ANGUISH:

1) In several chapters the other bots express themselves and refer to him as much younger than them. HE IS A CHILD SOLDIER.

2) He was interrogated and tortured by the leader of the enemy group, with whom he had to continue fighting constantly.

3) As a result of the torture his larynx was destroyed, and the level of damage was so brutal that his voice box could not be repaired for millennia.

4) He was forced to leave his home planet because it had been destroyed and he had to take refuge on another planet. Now he is not only a child soldier, but he is a political refugee.

5) One of his comrades in arms, friend and family member died without him being able to do anything to prevent it. Obviously Bumblebee has lost many more teammates and friends in the past, considering how small Team Prime is.

6) He had to watch his leader/father figure almost die from an infection and the only way to save him was by entering the mind of the guy who tortured and incapacitated him to obtain information.

7) He was possessed by that same guy (seriously, Megatron leaves the kid alone) and forced him to hurt two of his friends, and everything else Bumblebee went through in the middle of the possession is up for interpretation, FANDOM WAKE UP.

8) THE SAME GUY WHO INTERROGED, TORTURED, MUTILATED, INCAPACITATED AND POSSESSED HIM, attacked him for fun and on the spot fatally injured his best friend/protege/younger human brother. Then the child abuser made fun of him in his face for it.

9) Not even 24 hours had passed when the unmentionable went to his hiding place, his SAFE PLACE, in search of an alliance, which he then betrayed because he kidnapped Bumblebee's father figure in front of his eyes.

10) He is mutilated again, he temporarily loses his T-cog, his feelings of insecurity within the group deepen slightly and when he goes to retrieve his T-cog he sees how it is almost destroyed. No one talks about Bumblebee literally holding one of his organs in his hands, it's like you see someone hugging his lung or something.

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN, that apathy towards oneself and dehumanization (?) has POTENTIAL, if the child did not mind having an organ of HIS in his hands, I can already imagine how he reacts and treats his physical and emotional wounds. He is the type of character who hides his injuries, jokes about his traumas and in doing so traumatizes everyone around him, has a terrible sleep schedule due to nightmares, frequently dissociates, and has zero sense of self-preservation (canon).

11) This is not a trauma, but it also has the potential to cause distress in the fact that he was probably used to getting more attention for being the youngest, but suddenly this guy, Smokescreen, the same age as him, appears, and Everyone expects Bumblebee to be the one to guide the rookie, so every time the rookie makes a mistake, it will be Bumblebee's fault. Also, the new guy who never actively participated in the war, compared to Bee, who was born and fought in it all his life, turns out to be the one chosen to be the next Prime. Actually?

12) The base where he lived most of his time on earth was destroyed. It may not sound that bad, but as someone who recently lost their home to armed conflict, I can tell you that it hurts a lot.

13) He was separated from his team for a few days and when he found one of his teammates, his second father figure tells him to go away, to stay away and discourages him. Bumblebee must have felt bad because the one who convinced Ratchet to help them was not him, but Raf.

14) Other traumatic things must have happened that I don't remember, the last time I saw the series was in 2022, okAY?

15) They kidnapped their second father figure.

16) THE SAME ONE WHO INTERROGED HIM, TORTURED, MUTILATED, DISABLED, POSSESSED, HARMED HIM AND HIS FRIEND FOR FUN, KIDNAPPED HIS TWO PARENTS AND DESTROYED HIS PLANET, shot him three times, almost four, in the chest and killed him temporarily.

17) Megatron deserved it and it was more than satisfying and well done that it was Bumblebee who killed him, put an end to his power and the war, but knowingly killing can be traumatizing. Bumblebee killing Megatron in retaliation is also an ignored trauma.

18) He had to see Megatron's revived body being controlled by a god of destruction, who seemed to have something personal against him. At one point during the chase, Bumblebee thought his friends were dead.

19) He became the team leader in Optimus' absence, he was inexperienced and as a result he had two anxiety attacks in the same scene.

20) Optimus, his father figure, sacrifices himself to revive the planet.

so whERE ARE MY FANFICS? If anyone has recommendations, wants to write something individually or wants to collaborate, please write to me. This can't stay like this friends, Transformers Prime is not going to return as we would like, we the fandom have to bring it back.

Pd: English is not my native language nor do I have command over it, do not judge me for any error or lack of logic

gracias

#transformers prime #Transformers #Tfp Bumblebee #Transformers Bumblebee #maccadam #Tfp Megatron #Megatron #tfp smokescreen #tfp optimus prime #Tfp Ratchet #I want the simulation of torture and the consequences of it #Fandom #you have to wake up buddy

392 notes · View notes

euphorickaeya · 1 year

Text

THE ALMIGHTY.

buwan’s notes : I’m alive but I’m dead LOL, i don’t think I’ll be posting much on this account, maybe some for a few months here and there but other than that, I’m barely active. I apologize to those who keep asking for updates but I no longer consider myself in the genshin fandom.

I would also want to apologize for this fic, this fic is somewhat cruel, and I don’t want to offend anyone, please do speak to me if it seems I’ve gone too far, but this is merely a more story-based fic than being a fic about the characters being shipped with the god!reader. I wanted to explore the idea of being denied your saving grace when your god is right there, and they know it. It sort of a revenge fic?? Errr idk how to explain HAHA ok enjoy 😭

summary : you refuse to be treated the way you were, when you descended on your lands.

CW : obsession, sagau in general, borderline abuse as a creator, revenge and angst (?).

[no ships, more reader-centric.]

[gender-neutral!creator!reader.]

song recommendation: babooshka - Kate Bush.

part 2

EDIT: I COMPLETELY FORGOT THE TAGLIST..

EDIT #2: SIKE I WROTE IT DOWN LOLS @emperatris-rinaka | @iyhmibyo | @nicebonescomrades

A cold wind blew over the lands of Liyue, the creator has blessed the ancient lands with their presence, being bombarded with the lavish gifts of forgiveness of the people of Liyue by your feet, as you sat at a public throne.

Your eyes held nothing but resentment and no remorse for those who ask for your blessings, even if they bring a sickly child by your feet, begging and crying for a single blessing for you to heal this sickly child placed on your feet.

You merely spare the family a glance, before staring at your acolyte, Zhongli stared at you with concern, unsure of the thoughts racing through your head.

You made your decision when you had shooed the family, a shocked look on their faces as the hold on their poor kid faltered, almost dropping the frail boy. You could merely scoff as the mother handed the kid to her husband as she ran to your feet, wailing.

“Your grace, please punish me for any wrong-doing my family has done, but please! Heal my boy! He’s done nothing wrong, he’s nothing but a boy!” The mother wailed into your robes.

You felt your face morph into disgust, your eyes swelling in anger, tears starting to form from annoyance and anger. “Don’t pity yourself under my feet, lady.” You spat, pushing the mother with your feet.

The crowds that came to revel in their creator’s stared in disbelief and silent horror as the lady sobbed loudly on your podium, and their god, you, doing nothing to comfort or even give a slice of remorse to the pitiful lady by your feet.

After a few minutes of your unrelenting emotionless gaze on her and her unstopping sobs as her husband held their boy from afar helplessly, the lady raised her head to look at you.

An anger in her eyes, betrayal, anguish met your cold, frozen eyes.

“You’re no god, you’re not our creator, you’re just a mere copy..” the lady whispered spitefully, looking at you with nothing but hatred for your embodiment.

For once, in a long time, you laughed, a smile on your face, not of happiness, but of mockery, a scoffing, bashful smile.

“I’m no god? I’m a mere, copy?” You scoffed at the lady, your eyebrows raised in a mocking way, you stood from your throne, even after being able to sit on the golden seat, it still felt like it stung you, like silver does to a vampire.

It burned and stung, but it did nothing but fuel you even more. “Is this what has come of my empire? Of my beloved world?” You asked, walking slowly up to the lady who gravelled and clutched the hot concrete under her palms.

“If I had known my own children would dictate who I am, I would’ve destroyed this world to bits.” You threw that sentence out recklessly, seeing your acolytes stiffen quickly from your peripheral vision. You couldn’t help but grin at their uncomfortable faces.

“You, a mere lady, who lives on nothing but scraps, gets to tell me, a creator, a celestial being, who I am?” You snarled, your spear appearing to intimidate those who dare to anger you so.

“You’ve got some nerve, you all do!” You pointed to the crowds, who flinched and screamed in fear as you pointed with your spear, the metal shining against the sun.

Your acolytes could only wish that the sun could’ve given you it’s golden rays in a better situation, seeing as you flowed with unrelenting bravery and anger.

“I had to harm myself, to cut my flesh and show my blood, so that I wouldn’t die in this mortal form!” You screamed into the crowd, no longer holding the annoyance and disgust you held for this world.

“If I were a mere mortal with my face, you would’ve called them an imposter, burn them at the stake, like you’ve done with me!” Zhongli could only watch helplessly as your struck fear into his people, unable to stop you, for his loyalty refuses to let him move.

“You’re no people of mine, this world is obsessed with the idea of me, not my being as your creator!” The lady no longer glared at your with angry, but with disdain and anxiousness.

“I refuse to be dictated and be a holy grail for this shitty fucking world. Your people don’t deserve to be blessed with my presence nor my help.” Zhongli’s eyes could only widen, glancing at Ningguang, who was hyperventilating, watching you as you threw your spear away, it dissipating into particles.

“so suffer, suffer as I have, hope that there’s another god who’ll give you the forgiveness I will never give you.” You scoffed, you looked at the father who held his son with a life-threading grip.

Looking at you, his eyes holding a flickering flame of hope, that under all your anger, you would find the kindness to give them the mercy they’re desperately grasping at.

But you merely turned away from him, watching from your peripheral vision as the flame in his eyes extinguished, before his eyes filled, refusing to look away from your retreating figure.

“Zhongli, I want to end my appearance here and now.” You refused to look at the archon that stood by your throne as you walked past. Soon after a while, you had walked into the Liyue palace doors, finally out of public eye.

That is when Zhongli finally moves. Although being the most powerful archon, his knees buckled like that of a weak mortal, the pain and fear of his people weighing down his back.

But how can he save them? not when he knows he’s one of the many people who’s fueled this despicable behaviour in their god.

Their god who was so reverent and kind, only corrupted by it’s own creation.

#genshin impact sagau #genshin sagau #sagau #genshin self aware au #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #yandere genshin #euphoric~works #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin impact self-aware #genshin cult au #genshin x gender neutral reader #yandere genshin x reader

1K notes · View notes

wylanslcve · 10 months

Text

Okay don't mind me I'm in the middle of a Crooked Kingdom reread and feel overwhelmingly inclined to rant about Jesper Fahey because this fandom just doesn't give him the treatment he deserves. I'm specifically going to incoherently ramble about the scene in Crooked Kingdom where he, Colm and Wylan are being shot at because I feel like that scene is representative of Jesper's arc - but, before we dive into that, let me contextualise a few things first. Jesper does things for the thrill of it: he thrives off chaos and spontaneity, hence why he "always felt better when people were shooting at him". It's because the sound of gunfire "called the scattered, irascible, permanently seeking part of his mind into focus like nothing else" - and it also provides a distraction from his pain and trauma, because whenever he'd think about it, "everything in him recoiled. Trying not to die was the best possible distraction". Whenever anything to do with his past or his debt is brought up, "his hands returned to his revolvers" because he found himself "longing for the cool, familiar feel of their pearl handles beneath his thumbs". It steadies him as much as it possibly can when he's not in a dangerous situation, momentarily calling his mind into focus, an attempt at distracting himself from his afflictions.

Based off similar instances, the scene in Crooked Kingdom where he, Wylan and Colm are being shot at should have brought him that same satisfaction that any other shooting would. He "should be buzzing from the excitement of the fight. The thrill was still there, fizzing through his blood, but beside it was a cold, unfamiliar sensation that felt like it was draining the joy from him." What makes this situation so different to the others is that he can't ignore his problems and trauma now: it's staring him right in the face. Colm is right there. The thrill of the fight doesn't feel the same because "all he could think was, Da could have been hurt. He could have died." And we know that Jesper's debt would cost Colm the jurda farm Jesper grew up on, forcing him to acknowledge the reality of his problems: with Colm being right there, Jesper just can't ignore his afflictions because all he could think about is how his father would "suffer for his antics". If you ask me, this is so representative of his character arc as a whole.

This is further emphasised by how he's reflecting on the first time he spun Makker's Wheel right before this ambush, its intention being merely "harmless fun", but it ended up evolving into an addiction that "split [his life] like a log into two distinct and uneven pieces: the time before he’d stepped up to that wheel and every day since". The rush of a high-stakes situation is the equivalent of the "harmless fun" - it's a thrill that Jesper enjoys feeling, but in reality it's doing much more harm because it's preventing him from acknowledging and facing his pain. And he's indeed in so much pain: there's so much anguish inside of him, but he'd do anything to distract himself from it because the reality is just too painful.

This is where the tables come in: later in Crooked Kingdom, when the crew are being ambushed by the Khergud, Jesper "could feel the pull of East Stave" because he didn't have anything else to occupy his mind with. Then, the minute he thinks about facing his father, "the need to be at the tables was overwhelming" because he desperately needs to distract himself from the reality of his circumstances: "since Kaz hadn't obliged him with something to shoot at, Jesper needed a pair of dice and long odds to clear his mind". He can't use the ambush as a distraction, so the tables it is. As Inej tells him, "they feel like medicine. They soothe you, put you right for a time. But they’re poison, Jesper. Every time you play, you take another sip." This isn't the first time poison has been used to represent something that is preventing the Crows from healing - we also see it with Matthias, when he tells Brum in Six of Crows, "the life you live, the hate you feel - it's poison. I can drink it no longer". Just like how the exploitation of Matthias' grief and pain as a means of fueling hatred prevented him from healing because it kept exacerbating the anguish within him (he had to stop drinking the poison to do so), Jesper's addiction - and, by extension, the thrill of a high-stakes situation - prevents him from acknowledging the wound inside him and working towards healing it. It gets to the extent where “he had always thought of himself as lucky… what if he’d been bluffing this whole time?” - he’s gotten so used to suppressing his pain that he, in a way, loses sense of who he is. His façade has distorted his perception of himself. It's not until Colm arrives in the Barrel that Jesper is forced to acknowledge just how deep that wound is and how much it's festering - just like how he couldn't even feel the thrill of a fight properly because of the possibility of his father getting hurt.

That scene is one of many cracks that start to form as Jesper continues to bottle up all of this pain and trauma, until he finally breaks when Wylan proposes that he's such a good shot because being a Fabrikator allows him to direct the metal of the bullets. Jesper protests, asking Wylan why he can't "just let things be easy" - why can't he just let him keep ignoring his problems, when it's so much easier than facing them? But Wylan stands his ground, explaining that "they’re not easy... You keep pretending everything is okay. You move on to the next fight or the next party. What are you afraid is going to happen if you stop?" This is why Matthias calls Jesper “angry and frightened” - he’s afraid of stopping, because he knows stopping means that he’s forced to face the reality that he’s deeply wounded. This is when he finally breaks under the burden of his own pain, under the reality that he can't keep ignoring it anymore - hence why he chooses to put his share of the reward in Colm's name because, as he explains to Kaz, "I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of money just yet". For the first time, he's acknowledging his problems and working towards fixing them, no matter how much time it takes (because trauma and addiction don't just disappear overnight).

n e ways this ended up being significantly longer than anticipated but this is what happens when I start analysing these books: it snowballs out of control and suddenly I can’t shut up.

159 notes · View notes

brittle-doughie · 2 years

Text

Brittle-Doughie’s Main Page

Heya! The name is Brittle, I go by he/him and I’m a writer for a bunch of things Cookie Run, you’ll probably find me on the Cookie Wars with the various stuff I put out on the tag! Welcome!

[Request Box: Open!]

MASTERLIST #2 >>> HERE

[Guidelines]

Gender neutral readers are my way to go, so everyone can enjoy my fics! :D (This will always be the case unless the fic states otherwise)

The type of writings can vary, which could be either be headcanons, one-shots, etc etc. Whatever I feel like works best for the time.

The main fandom I write for is Cookie Run! Whether it be Wars, Ovenbreak, or even Kingdom!

Angst, fluff, yandere cookies, it’s all good with me!

My blacklist is fairly standard with a bunch of NSFW or MAJORLY cursed stuff not allowed. (Pedophilla, Incest, scat, etc etc)

Also, please keep your asks short and simple. Paragraph long ones just make my brain silly.

[Masterlist #1]

Ovenbreak/Kingdom

The Incorrect Quote Cookie Jar V1.5

I’ll Miss You (Ancient Cookies)

Downstream Part 1 (Affogato Cookie)

Group Findings (Cauliflower and Peperoncino Cookie)

From Afar (Croissant, Lime, and Sour Belt)

A Jammed Heart (Original Cookie Character)

A Forced Hand (Ancient Cookies)

Y/N Cookie Blurbs (Various Cookies)

A Very Much Invited Guest (Hollyberry Kingdom)

Pet Times (Carrot, Cheesecake, and Baguette Cookie)

Duel of Hearts (White Choco and Rose Cookie)

Tales of Sweetness (Valentine’s Day Special)

Fashion Week 2?

Po-tay-to, Po-tah-to (Carrot, Beet, Spinach, Rambutan Cookie)

Costume Concepts

Ya Like Raisin Buns? (Black Raisin Cookie)

Star of the Industry (Popping Candy, DJ, Rockstar, Parfait, and Shining Glitter Cookie)

Even More Heartbreak (Black Pearl Cookie)

Antagonized

But the Dance is Today! (Hollyberry Kingdom)

Undeserving (Affogato Disciples, Dark Cacao, Adventurer, Captain Ice Cookie)

Anguish Before Matrimony (Pure Vanilla and White Lily Cookie)

No Dice (Ancient Cookies)

At Your Beck and Call (Pearl Legion/Custard Soldiers)

No Deed Goes Unnoticed (Dark Cacao Kingdom)

Milky Way Cookie Blurb

Eternity (Snow Sugar Cookie)

The Serenity or the Charismatic (Pure Vanilla v. Clotted Cream Cookie)

House is Where the Heart Is (Raspberry Mousse Cookie)

Chaos and Control (Twizzly Gang)

A Handycookie’s Expertise (Time Balance Department)

Good Day for Walks (Pure Vanilla Cookie)

Fish in a Barrel (Affogato Cookie)

Spared No Expense 1.5 (Cheesecake Cookie)

Coworkers Delight (Maple Taffy Cookie)

Memories

Sands of the Sale (Yogurt Cream Cookie)

Two Sides of a Coin (Hollyberry Cookie x Male Reader)

Face the Music! (B.A.D 4)

Seize the Spin

Foul Play (Cherry Stars)

Molded, Battered, Whole (The Five Dragons)

In a Heartbeat (Pink Choco Cookie)

From the Brink

What If: In Your Name

When the Jingle Bells Rock (Christmas Special)

The Flipside

Spared No Expense (Cheesecake Cookie)

For Their Majesty (Amber Sugar Cookie)

Speak of the Tree (Millennial Tree Cookie, Churro Cookie)

The Deal with Ancients

Bake It till You Make It

Polar Opposites (Timekeeper Cookie)

A Phenomenal Photo

Let Me Be Your Relay Cookie

A Tune for You (Vagabond Cookie)

Real Y/N Cookie Birthday Hours

Missing You

Sunrises (Missing You Alt)

The Face of the Future (Director Croissant, Stringy Gummy, Ephemeral Flow Timekeeper)

The Spooky Cookie Tapes

The Deal with Dragons (The 5 Dragons)

The Thrill or The Peace (Adventurer Cookie v. Blackberry Cookie)

Marketplace Ruckus (Hollyberrian Marketplace)

Time Travel, Woo! (Croissant Cookie)

Biggest Fans (Cherry Stars)

The Idol and the DJ (DJ Cookie)

The TBD’s Handycookie (Time Balance Department)

The Apple in this Doctor’s Eye (Dr. Bones Cookie

Heartbreak (Kumiho Cookie)

Pizza’s Here (Pizza Cookie)

The Beloved of Duskgloom Sea (Black Pearl Cookie)

Picnic Time (Cherry Blossom Cookie)

The Incorrect Quote Cookie Jar (Various Cookies)

Wars/Jellywalker AU

[Q: Question based. Though some questions do evolve into full on fics.]

Heart of the Horde

Protectors of the Horde’s Heart

Death of the Heart

The Starved Heart

Heart Amongst Legends

Recollection 1 (White Ghost Cookie, Vagabond Cookie, Cream Unicorn Cookie)

Recollection 2 (Financier Cookie, Vampire Cookie, Dark Choco Cookie)

Recollection 3 (Infected TBD)

Wandering

Wandering #2

Gift Mode | Keeping Quiet | Little Ones | Wandering Part 3 (Jellywalker AU)

The News Gets to Them (Walker AU. Sorbet Cookie, Lilac Cookie, Black Garlic Cookie)

The News Gets to Them #2 (Walker AU. Lilybell Cookie, Choco Ball Cookie, Poison Mushroom Cookie)

Q: Various Cookies as Walkers

Q: Various Cookies as Walkers #2

Q: Bosses and You!

Q: Guard Duty (Jellywalker Knight Cookie)

Q: If Y/N Died

Q: Would The Dragons Help?

Q: How did Y/N get infected?

Q: Y/N Captured

Q: Shared Emotion of Y/N Cookie and the Horde

Q: Showoffs of the Horde (Fire Spirit Cookie, Cinnamon Cookie, Skating Queen Cookie)

Q: If Y/N was cured?

Q: Argument Amongst the Horde

#masterlist #navigation #cookie run x reader #cookie run x you #jelly walkers x reader #cookie wars x reader #cr x reader #crk x reader #cookie run kingdom #cookie run #cookie run ovenbreak

522 notes · View notes

goldengoanna · 4 months

Text

Gerry is literally such an interesting character though. I feel like because I joke about him all the time I don’t talk about how compelling I find him and also none of the rest of the fandom really delve into him either which is a shame because they made him such an interesting exploration of privilege, repression, immigrant identity, the Australian dream etc etc etc.

Like he’s kind of selfish, he buries his head in the sand and makes himself wilfully ignorant to bad things happening around him (from the bicentennial protests he’d definitely be extremely aware of to Dale’s mental breakdown in 2x05 to minimising the consequences of his own arrest), he’s so outwardly cool and collected that even the audience doesn’t realise how much he lives in denial.

And part of his continued denial is because he’s the rare immigrant who did actually achieve the Australian dream; he has fame and money, a loving family, a loyal fan base, a big house in Eaglemont. The cracks are beginning to show, the tabloids know about his sexuality and he knows he’s doomed if people find out. But Australia gave him everything he was promised, and compared to what Ireland looked like in the 80s, his new home gives him so much more freedom that he never had in a country that was still under the thrall of Catholic conservatism. And of course he’s not thinking about the fact he’s gotten everything he has because he’s white, and the right kind of white, and in fact, the right kind of Irish (ie not Northern. A Northern Irishman isn’t going to have the worst time in 80s Australia, but his identity is going to be far more politicised than someone from the Republic).

We talk about Dale and repression a lot. Because it’s really obvious. He’s repressing what are ultimately positive feelings - pleasure, passion, sexual desire. And we want him to experience queer joy the same way Gerry does. But Gerry is repressed as well. He’s repressing all of the negatives. He finds pain, controversy, anguish, etc, shameful and dirty the same way Dale does with desire. He doesn’t want to admit that the Australian dream is a lie, that he is extremely lucky and that all that he has could crumble at any moment.

There is so much that compels me about Gerry and makes him my favourite beyond “haha Funny Irished Man played by sexy actor” and I never talk about it because I don’t know how and no one else seems to fixate on him like I do. But like. Talk to me about Gerry please please PLEASE.

#flood warning #the newsreader #I’m actually putting this in the main tag because I put a lot of thought into wording this post #but gerry carroll I want to study you like a bug

25 notes · View notes

phoebe-delia · 1 year

Text

a crooked love in a straight line down

This is for my sweetest friend @written-in-ash. Lyssa I love you so much and I'm incredibly proud of you. Here's to celebrating you, my lovely fandom little sister. Here's some angst, just for you.

Based on the song "I Wish You Would" by Taylor Swift.

CW: break up/make up, angst with a happy ending.

Harry's gotten very good at existing.

He gets up and goes to work each day. He smiles at his co-workers, laughs with Ron and Hermione over lunch at the Ministry cafeteria, and turns in his paperwork on time.

He leaves the office each day and floos home, where there's little to distract him from the heartbreak on the periphery of his attention. He's gotten good at blocking it out during the day; Harry's a master at suppressing his emotions when there's a job to do or someone to hide from, but when he's alone, there's nothing to stop the anguish from washing over him, hot tears running down his cheeks.

It's his own fault, too. He's kept the flat largely the same since Draco left, off to an exciting new potions research position in Canada. Harry tells himself it's because he hasn't had the time to get rid of it all; he's been busy, after all, and it's only been six weeks.

But that doesn't explain why he keeps buying Draco's favorite tea. Why he sleeps in the pajamas Draco bought for him. Why he hasn't thrown out Draco's hair brush or even moved it from its spot on the counter.

He should wipe the flat clear of anything that reminds him of Draco and find someone new. He should stop avoiding pub nights with his friends in favor of wallowing in his flat.

Maybe then he'll finally stop missing Draco with a bone-deep ache that leaves him breathless. Maybe he'll stop being so pathetic, crying and curled up on the sofa like he is now, wearing a t-shirt Draco left behind. Maybe he'll finally move on like Draco surely has with some fit Canadian man who speaks French and probably has a mustache.

Not that Harry's thought about it.

There's a knock at the door. Harry groans to himself, wondering why the world is interrupting his scheduled wallowing time. He turns over onto his stomach, grabbing a pillow and holding it over his head. The knocking turns more insistent, so with a grunt, he forces himself off the couch and over to the door, wiping his cheeks and running a hand through his hair, ready to tell whoever this is to leave him the fuck alone.

He opens the door. "What do you wa—nt?" Harry's voice cracks. "Draco," he breathes. He blinks back the tears already starting to well up again.

Draco looks infuriatingly good, wearing pressed trousers and a button-down shirt with a long trench coat. Harry resents his own joggers and the t-shirt, cheeks heating as he remembers who it belongs to.

"Hi, Harry," Draco says softly. "How are you?"

Harry crosses his arms. "I'm fine," he says, trying to keep his voice even. "What are you doing here?"

Draco bites his lip. "May I come in?"

Harry considers closing the door; he thinks about telling Draco 'no' and shutting him out of his life for good. He thinks about creating his own closure, earning back a scintilla of pride.

He also thinks about stepping aside to let Draco in. He thinks about Draco looking around as he enters, taking in every detail. Harry can see him cataloging every detail, searching for ways it's changed since he left. Harry hates him for it a little, even in his own imagination.

Instead, he says, "Answer my question first. What are you doing here?"

Draco swallows. "I hated Canada."

Harry frowns. "Why?"

Draco runs a hand through his hair, beginning to pace on the small doorway. "I thought that was what I wanted. That's one of the most prestigious potions programs in the bloody world, and they accepted me, and I—I thought I had no choice but to go."

"But you did," Harry says, not caring how bitter he sounds. "You had every choice in the world."

"Yes, I did," Draco mutters. "I did have a choice. I left, and I broke both our hearts in the process. I was an idiot. I could've tried getting over us, but I realized I just don't want to. It took spending six agonizing weeks on the other side of the world to realize that no job, no opportunity," he says the word with disdain, "is worth losing you." He looks at Harry with wide, pleading eyes. "I'm sorry, and I love you," he whispers. "I'm here. I'm home. If you'll have me."

Harry's gripping the doorframe for support, his eyes welling up with tears of relief; a release of anger and hope and love all in one. He doesn't stop one from sliding down his cheek, watching as Draco's own eyes grow teary.

Harry steps back, leaving room for Draco to walk through the threshold. Heart in his throat, he says, "Welcome home."

150 notes · View notes

blythelyunaware · 2 months

Text

I'm planning to do a Taylor Swift-themed playlist for all our Carry On kiddos but I thought I'd start with my (and let's be honest, the entire fandom's) favourite child. One might imagine that based on his initial broodiness and his colour pallette often being quite dark and grey, Baz might be more reputation-coded but he's an instropective, soft boy. He is all fluffy pink clouds and dreamy heart-eyes. He writes disgustingly sappy poetry and weeps openly over his own prose.

He is a Lover girlie through and through. He has the theatric spirit of a kid who would scream the bridge of "Hits Different" after Simon tries to break up with him - because...

"I FIND THE ARTEFACTS, CRIED OVER A HAT, CURSED THE SPACE THAT I NEEDED! I TRACE THE EVIDENCE MAKE IT MAKE SOME SENSE WHY THE WOUND IS STILL BLEEDING. YOU ARE THE ONE THAT I LOVE, DON'T NEED ANOTHER METAPHOR IT'S SIMPLE ENOUGH!"

And also... "I pictured you with other girls, in love, and threw up on the street".

The running thread between so many of these songs is very much an internal I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! Screaming in silence, anguish, pain...my favourite kind of love.

Labyrinth is Carry On-Baz staring at Simon sleeping all those years and realising overtime that he's fallen in love. *combusts*

Are there more that I could have left in? Any suggestions for the rest of the gang?

#taylor swift #carry on #wayward son #snowbaz #baz pitch #rainbow rowell #simon snow trilogy #carry on fanart #simon snow series #simon snow #fanfic #fangirl

15 notes · View notes

sissytobitch10seconds · 7 days

Text

Luck and Charms

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy Summary: Viktor has already gone through this once and he isn't sure that he can let it play out exactly as it did the time before. Thankfully, his siblings don't seem super inclined to let that happen. Warnings: Teenage pregnancy, graphic depictions of childbirth, Reginald Hargreeves' specific breed of child abuse, trans male pregnancy, hidden pregnancy, and implied toxic relationships Word Count: 8,228 Ship(s): Viktor Hargreeves & Everyone

Archive link!

A/N: So it was kind of hard to tag but I wanted to put a warning here. I'm going to be referring to Viktor by his deadname and she/her pronouns in the flashback to when he was a teenager since he hadn't realized who he really was at that time. If this makes you uncomfortable feel free to give it a miss, but I promise that I chose to do that based off my own feelings about my deadname as a trans person and I'm not one of those people that just don't want Viktor to be trans haha. I hope that you all enjoy it! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

Stepping back into his childhood home felt like he was condemning himself to the worst kind of death known to man. It would have been Hell on earth even if he hadn’t found himself in the situation that he was in. He was glad that the gods had, for once, given him the small grace of killing off his father. He was supposed to be coming back to the Academy so that he could meet up with his siblings for dinner after their father’s wake. He had declined coming back for the actual service, unwilling to see the man that had caused him so much pain and anguish during his life.

Several of his siblings had reached out to him personally to ask if he would be willing to come for dinner even if he didn’t want to be at the service, so he knew that it was worth something. He just wasn’t sure that he wanted to reveal so many intimate details of his life all at once. After a mountain of therapy, he had realized that the only reason they had acted that way towards him was because they were also suffering with the abuse that their father had delt to all of them. It wasn’t their fault that they had excluded him, even if it did hurt. He trusted them more than he would have without the careful advice of his therapist, but perhaps not enough to tell them that he was pregnant.

He carried back, with the baby resting more against his spine than anything else. He had a small bump that could be hidden with a compression garment and some baggy clothing. So he had dressed in a pair of his maternity leggings with a girdle on underneath to squish everything down into him. He had donned his favorite yellow flannel and a baggy leather jacket to obscure everything else that might show despite his efforts. He was almost nine months pregnant, so there was no way that he was going to be able to hide all of it entirely.

Viktor stepped through the halls of his childhood home without anyone coming to greet him. He was glad for it, for once. He wanted to be alone while he was assessing the feelings that overwhelmed him at being back in the front entryway. So many memories were held in the halls where he had grown up and most of them were bad. Each one of the good ones had been soured by information that he had been fed the older that he got.

He shoved his hands into his pocket so that he could resist the urge to touch his belly to comfort himself. He could still feel the babe inside of him squirming away as they had done since they got big enough for him to feel. Some of the people in his orchestra said that they must be dancing to the music that they played, or maybe reacting to Viktor’s heart since music thrummed through his veins.

He knew that if they understood just how real that was, none of them would be nearly as close to him as they were. The thought brought back another thing that he didn’t want his siblings to know about. It was personal and intimate in a way that he didn’t want broken by their opinions on it.

He found his way to the dining room on his own and hovered in the doorway before all of them turned to greet him.

“Viktor! I’m so glad that you made it,” Allison grinned as she rose from her chair and walked towards him with open arms.

He side stepped her and then ducked when Klaus tried to cage him in from the other side. He noticed immediately the way that their gazes shifted and how their body language tightened up when they saw how he was acting. “Sorry, guys. I had a lot of lessons with new students today and I have a migraine. I’m feeling overstimulated and not up to touching,” he shrugged.

“We can reschedule if you need, Viktor,” Luther said from his place on the table. That was a surprise, based on the way that Luther had acted when they were children and in that very position.

The thought of having to come back to the house again after he had done all the work to get there made him want to start crying. It was unlike himself to cry at the drop of a hat now, thanks to the hormones from his unborn baby. “Uh, no that’s okay,” he shook his head. He didn’t want to risk coming back to a planned date closer to when he was due, and after that he knew that he wouldn’t want to be away from his baby for more than a couple of hours. Having to come back to his childhood home instead of staying with his child would have a no-brainer answer to it and make his siblings very suspicious of what he was doing.

He cleared his throat and then awkwardly walked over to his seat. He sat down while trying to hide the fact that it was awkward for him to do so because of how his center of gravity had changed. They all sat in silence for a bit as everyone else gathered bis of their food as well. The conversation picked up again and Viktor was surprised to find that he was actually being included.

He talked and laughed with his siblings like they hadn’t been the greatest force of pain in his life less than a decade ago. He was about halfway through the meal when he was suddenly overcome with nausea and had to excuse himself to go to the bathroom. The door locked and the tap turned on before he heaved into the porcelain basin, clutching at it like a lifeline.

When he had finished, he looked at himself in the mirror and tried to quiet the anxiety in his chest. The baby was coming.

---

Vanya woke up feeling like shit.

She woke slowly, her brown eyes flickering over to the window so that she could determine what time it was. She had accidentally broken her clock when trying to move her wardrobe to get a new feeling to her room, and make some space for her baby, and her father hadn’t provided her with a new one. She had to get all of her time from the sun and where it was setting in the city outside, which was difficult given the amount of light pollution.

She assumed that it had only been a couple of hours, which was a relief. Her appetite had disappeared during the first couple months of her pregnancy but since she had entered into the second trimester, it felt like she was always ravishing.

Her body came back to her slowly, one ache and one pain at a time. Her ankles and calves were swollen from having to stand while the others trained all day. Her hips hurt from the adjustments that they were making for the growing baby in her womb. Her breasts had hurt for weeks, but now they also sticky and uncomfortable and she was leaking colostrum again. Grace had told her that it wasn’t uncommon for women to start lactating before the baby had arrived even if their full milk wouldn’t come in for even days after birth.

She knew that she would be hungry, it was late enough that she would be expecting dinner even if she wasn’t pregnant. So she slowly shifted over so that she was laying on her side and then hefted herself into a sitting position. She wiggled towards the edge of the bed and then hefted herself upright. Vanya hated having to get up and leave her room, which was why she had personally isolated herself from her siblings more than she was usually.

It was different when it was her own choice, it almost felt liberating in a sense. In the beginning, when she had been so sick in the mornings that she could barely stand without vomiting it had felt like a curse. Now, it felt like a blessing that none of her siblings were going to come looking for her. She was able to leave her door unlocked so that both of her caretakers had access to her without having to wear the tight bandages around her belly and hide her pregnancy.

Now that she was heading out to dinner, though, she was going to have to put it back on. She had never had to go through the ordeal of being trained to deal with the media circus in the same way that her siblings had, but she felt some semblance of what they had to go through now.

Vanya had never been a rebellious member of the family. Five lashed out by arguing with their father and trying out the limited edges of his power. Diego argued with Luther and tried to push the boundaries of the team to see what he could get away with. Klaus snuck out of the house and went to all kinds of parties, which was exactly what had gotten her in trouble.

She wasn’t sure that he had even meant to come to her instead of seeking out Ben or Allison, but she had gone with him. She had felt exhilaration thrumming through her like nothing else, likely because she had left her medication on her bedside table. She had danced under the starlight sky and throbbing lights, smelled the heady cloves that people were smoking, and then kissed a man that smelled like whisky and trouble. He hadn’t even bothered to stick around long enough for her to finish dressing, but part of him was embedded in her forever.

She hadn’t really been all that surprised when she found out that she was pregnant and then her father demanded that she hide it. She wouldn’t want to distract the Umbrella Academy from the important work that they were doing out in the world with her mundane bullshit. She was also glad that she was sequestered away in her room when she heard about the punishment that Klaus was going to be getting from Grace.

Vanya rebuttoned the front of her blouse and then turned sideways in the mirror that was attached to the back of her wardrobe door. She pushed down the folds of her skirt and then turned to the other side. She determined that her bump was hidden enough that no one would notice it when sparing the occasional glance at little Number Seven.

So nearly jumped out of her skin when Klaus slung an arm over her shoulder and then knocked their hips together on their way down the stairs to the table. He didn’t bother with her after that because he always preferred to poke at Five and Ben, but she felt comfortably included before then. Her mouth water and her stomach growled loudly underneath the layers of fabric when Grace brought out their evening meal. She could barely contain herself to her normal portion when she realized just how hungry she was for her evening meal.

Vanya loaded as much food as she thought she could get away with and then listened to her siblings talk about their days without adding anything of her own.

Nausea was a common feeling for her, especially after what she had to go through during the beginning of her pregnancy. It didn’t take long for her to raise to her feet and silently walk out of the dining room. No one called after her, she wasn’t even sure that their seer had noticed another ghost roaming the halls of their home. She slipped into the bathroom and then turned on the faucet before she collapsed in front of the toilet to spew up the dinner that she had just eaten.

She didn’t know what was happening, but she had the feeling that she was in for a long night.

---

Viktor splashed some cold water on his face to try and remove the blotchy redness. He had broken down almost as soon as he had finished vomiting, crying into the mess that he made in the bowl of the toilet.

This was something that he had known was going to happen, that he was very well aware of. He would have been an idiot to have thought that there was no way that his baby was going to be born. He had already done it before and knew the signs that came with his labor, but he had been so worried about the dinner he was having with his family that he had ignored them. He had pushed away the worry over his minor crampings that were actually pre-labor contractions all throughout work and getting ready. He had ignored the sudden burst of energy that he had gotten during the middle of the day despite his constant exhaustion. He had been able to ignore it all, telling himself that he had another two weeks before he was due to be delivering.

The vomiting was what clued him in to the fact that it was really happening, so that there was no way to ignore it. He took a small amount of solace in the fact that at least for the time being, he felt better than he had when he escaped to the bathroom.

He dragged his feet as he walked back down the hall and towards the dining room. He sat down in his chair and shook off the worried remarks pointed in his direction from his siblings. He was able to talk to them about their jobs, their work, what they were doing for their hobbies. He found the panic and fear in his mind about what was now becoming more and more imminent slipping away from him one comment or snipe at a time.

Now that their father was gone and they were free to be themselves, it was possible for them to actually get along with each other. Five and Ben had careers in the fields that they had always dreamed of, Diego had a wife that he loved, and Luther was going back to school. Allison was the only one that wasn’t content, but she was in therapy so she could patch the holes she had found in her life.

Things in his labor really were progressing, as much as he wanted to deny it. They were only about halfway through the latter portion of the meal when he felt his first real contraction start. It crept up his spine like someone was filling the fluid up with ice and then spread through his hips in a hot, white burn. It cramped around his belly like every single muscle was taut as a string primed for snappage. It overwhelmed him and made it hard for him to see or hear anything even though his senses were still working.

After that, the contractions were coming at a steady seven minutes apart from each other. He kept track by glancing at the clock that was hanging on the wall, ornate and carved with Roman numerals. Realistically, he should have gotten out of the house as soon as he had realized he was in labor. His midwife had worked with him to create a birth plan and the majority of that had been that he wanted to be in his own home and away from as much medical equipment as possible. It was supposed to keep him calm and prevent his powers from lashing out or his labor from stalling.

At the same time, however, he actually wanted to stay with his family. It was one of the first times that he had ever had a conversation with them and he wanted to continue that kind of relationship with them in the future. He was worried that if he just got up and left, then they were going to assume that he was being standoffish or that he didn’t appreciate them reaching ot to him. He couldn’t explain what was going on with him yet either.

The contractions continued throughout dinner and desert, but finally Grace cleared away the plates and people began to stand from the table. Viktor wasn’t able to stifle the relief that washed over him at the idea of being able to finally call his cab and get home where he could labor in peace. Having to keep his noises near silent was costing him more energy than he wanted to expend.

“I think we should go play some board games in the living room! Vik, what do you think?” Klaus asked with that cat-like grin that spoke for trouble.

“I… It’s getting kind of late,” Viktor gave a meaningful glance back towards the clock. “I don’t want to not be able to get a cab, you know they stopped the service past ten.”

“It’s only nine,” Ben argued as he began to gently poke his brother in the direction of their comfortable family living room, the only place where they had ever felt like a real family.

“Come on, if you’re here later than the cabs run then I can drive you home. I got my license renewed and everything,” Diego said as he ducked around Klaus and into the room.

Viktor opened his mouth to protest again but then had to quickly shut it so that another groan didn’t escape. He didn’t get the chance to continue before Five said, “If I didn’t know any better, I would think that you were trying to escape from us, V.”

That was precisely what he had been trying to avoid by not leaving for dinner early. He supposed that his contractions were still about five minutes apart, so he had time before he was going to be at the place where his water would break.

He grit his teeth as he shuffled slowly towards the living room.

---

Vanya slowly made her way back to the dining room table, her hands clasping and unclasping at her sides. She didn’t know what had just happened and that was scaring her. She had made sure to listen and ask questions during her private health lessons with her mother as she got further along in her pregnancy. She had watched for signs of labor in her body for as long as she thought was applicable, even back in the months when it would have meant near certain death for her unborn baby. Vomiting was a symptom of labor, but everything that she had read in the books provided to help prep her had told her that it was something that would happen during the transition stage, not the beginning.

She barely had time to think about it when she returned to her seat at the table. She noticed that her siblings were looking at her, which was something that she had been forbidden from doing when her morning sickness had first started. Her father didn’t want her siblings to be able to pick up on her pregnancy, which was why her bump was squished beneath a custom-made piece of fabric and she had to turn on the tap when she was puking in the mornings.

“Number Seven, it was completely uncalled for and unnecessary for you to cause such a disturbance when we’re all trying to eat our evening meal,” Reginald snapped.

Vanya bent her head down so that she was staring at the slight slope of her belly. She knew that her baby was safely tucked away in there, could feel them moving and kicking at her internal organs and bindings. She wished that their life was different, that her child didn’t have to look forward to same kind of pain as their mother. “I’m sorry, Father,” she finally managed to push past the lump in her throat.

Reginald let out a harrumph and then turned back to his meal. Vanya picked at her own until they were excused from the table and she was able to walk back upstairs to her room. The others had cool down exercises and some more schoolwork that they had to complete before they prepared for the evening experiments. It had been like that for as long as she could remember and she couldn’t think of any other way that their family would operate.

She sat down on her bed and then slowly unwound the wrap from around her belly so that she could fold them and lay it down on her desk. Her delicate musicians hands cascaded down her belly so that she was cupping the bottom of the tear drop shape. She hoped that when she no longer had to wear the bandage, the aching in her hips would ease up and she would get some respite. Her father was planning on placing her back in the isolation ward that she had been in during the beginning of her pregnancy when she got closer to her due date.

“Another few weeks and then it’ll just be you and me,” she whispered to her unborn babe. She got a reply in the form of a tiny foot outline on the taut skin.

She smiled despite the burning sensation that was echoing over the skin of her bump. It changed into something else entirely when it should have simply faded away. There was a creeping tightness along her spine before it overtook her hips and then caused every single muscle in her stomach to scream with pressure. She couldn’t say anything, couldn’t call out, could barely even move as she was overcome with the foreign sensation.

Vanya knew that the others weren’t to know about her condition, that she had to keep it a secret and be hidden away from the family when she couldn’t hide it herself. She knew that she was risking a very harsh punishment from her father by doing so, but the fear of what was happening had overcome any anxiety about retribution. “MOM!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, the words warping through the halls of their home.

It only took a couple of minutes before she heard the hurried steps of heels on a hardwood floor and then her door opened. “Vanya dear, what’s wrong?” Grace asked. Her robotic eyes flickered between her daughter and the wrap laying on the desk, then down to where Vanya was still clutching at her belly.

“Something is happening with the baby, Mom,” she whimpered. She could feel the tears collecting on her lashes and threatening to tip over the edge. It had hurt so badly, more than belly burn or acid reflux or kicks to her bladder or even Braxton Hicks. She wasn’t sure what it meant, but something crawling up the back of her spine was letting her know that it was bad.

Grace shut and locked the door behind her even though the other Academy members were downstairs and being watched over by Pogo and Reginald. She carefully knelt down beside her daughter and then placed her hand over the bump so that she could take some diagnostics.

Just as she did that, another one of the strange pressure-pains that Vanya had just overcome wrapped around her body. It felt like someone was trying to keep her intestines in a vice but in a very different way than her period cramps had. She could almost feel the baby, amniotic sac and all, inside of her when she was overcome with one of them.

“Oh, dear, you have nothing to worry about! You’ve simply gone into labor a little earlier than we expected. But this is good timing on your part because now we can get you to the other side of the house without your siblings knowing,” Grace said chipperly.

Vanya felt like her entire world was crashing down around her. She hadn’t discussed it with anyone, but she had a plan for how she wanted her birth to happen and now she was never going to get it.

---

The others brought out a stack of board games so big that Viktor was convinced that the entire thing was going to come toppling down. He had no idea where they would have gotten such a thing in the house that they had grown up in since Reginald was so vehemently against any kind of recreation, but he chose not to mention anything about it. He wanted to get through the bonding and games as quickly as they could so that he could slink back to his home and have his baby in peace.

The others spread out the first game that they were going to play, arguing over who was going to have what color icon and who could sit where. Viktor just put himself along the couch so that he could lean back on something that was solid whenever he got a contraction. He barely remembered how he was supposed to deal with them anymore, but the anxiety that came with every single one was familiar. It wasn’t like it had been last time, so much had been different, but there was enough similarities that his mind was plagued with visions and grasping at the straws of the fear of the unknown like it had been last time.

Time felt like it was moving through toffy to get to him. Each round of the game felt like it lasted an eon when in reality, they last about ten minutes each. He knew because he kept glancing over to the ornate grandfather clock in the corner of the room so that he could time the pains. Viktor tried to make sure that he was reacting to the things that his siblings were doing so that he wouldn’t get called out for paying attention. He was losing badly because his mind was too heady with a fog to really pay attention to the strategies that the others were using, but hed idn’t care. He was trying to find an excuse that he could use when his contractions were finally five minutes apart and too much time would have passed.

They finished up their game and then moved onto the next one. Viktor felt like the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders, like he was being pushed into the ground by the hand of some cruel god. He wanted to go home where he felt safe, but he wanted his siblings to feel loved at the same time. If he had been around them when he was in labor the first time, he would have felt more steady and the process likely would have gone much faster.

It was as if thinking about his labor progressing quickly had condemned him to the fate he absolutely did not want to be dealing with. The contractions suddenly jumped from six minutes to three minutes apart. He was barely able to string his thoughts into a coherent line, much less ask Diego to drive him home since the clock had clicked past when his preferred cab service ran.

“Viktor, are you okay?” Five asked when he noticed that something was going on with his favorite brother.

Suddenly, he wanted to spill every part of his life to his siblings. They were all working so hard to try and create a relationship with him even though they had been forced away from him their entire lives. He wanted to tell them about the boy that had left him in the lurch, the child resting safe in his womb, and the pains that he was fighting through. The words were caught in his throat. The only thing that he was able to get past his lips was, “No.”

It was as if that was the magic word that would have given him the family that he had always wanted. Allison was by his side in a second, taking his hand into her own so that she could try and catch his eyes easier. “What’s wrong?”

The pain slowly receded so that it was once again the now ever-present pressure along his spine and around his hips. “You guys have to promise not to get mad or weird when I tell you,” he breathed. He didn’t know why the air had been stolen from his lungs during that contraction, but everything felt like it was more intense than it had been before. He supposed that intensity was why he hadn’t exactly been making the most rational decisions since his labor had stared.

“We’re not going to get mad, Viktor. Now what’s going on?” Five asked, fidgeting closer to his best friend.

“I’m in labor. As in, I’m not sure that I can go home like my birth plan specified level in labor,” he choked out.

The room was so quiet that he felt like he was choking on it before Diego shot to his feet with a quick, “I’m going to get Mom.”

“In labor? But you don’t even look pregnant,” Luther argued.

Viktor reached behind him and then unzipped the girdle that he had been using to hide his pregnancy from the public and his siblings. His belly was still small because he was a small person, but it was very obvious that it was there now. “I’m eight and a half months, I didn’t expect it to happen this quickly. I just wanted to spend time with you guys.”

He expected some kind of shouting match to happen between his siblings about the fact that he was pregnant. Instead, Allison just wrapped her arms around his shoulder to bring him into a hug. She pressed a kiss to his forehead as she whispered, “Shh, shh, you’re okay. We’re going to take care of you, Vik. Everything is going to be okay.”

It took all of his energy not to cry in relief. He and his baby were going to be okay, his siblings were at least pretending to love him in the present. He tried to take solace in that instead of letting the panic consume him.

---

Grace helped Vanya raise slowly from the bed and then the two of them began the journey down the hall. While they walked, the teenager thought about all of the things that she had read about in her books while preparing for that day. The idea that she was actually in labor, that her body was making the final preparations for her baby to be born, was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. She had been having stress dreams about it for some time already so it was almost surreal to actually be moving through the steps in real life instead of just her mind.

The books had mentioned the kinds of things that someone would want to pack or have on hand depending on what they were planning to do during the process. They talked about the kinds of clothes that would be most comfortable to wear during labor and then after the birth, the types of things that a baby would need when they were being brought home. She didn’t have to worry about any of that because she had never had to request anything. All of her belongings had always been provided to her and she knew that the same was going to be true of her labor and delivery process. She wouldn’t need a baby blanket for her newborn, her mother would have one. She never got to choose what she wore, so that also wasn’t a worry.

They got to the sick room that Vanya had taken up as her own during the last nine months. It was where she had gotten all of her check ups done and where she had spent the first two months of her morning sickness before she had shown that she could control it. It was also going to be where she delivered her baby.

The room was a plain white and gray, not a single window in any of the walls. Several monitors were inlaid, though, which meant that the place wasn’t as boring as she had anticipated it being. There was also a hospital bed with soft looking blue blankets resting on top of it.

Grace helped her sit down on the edge of the bed and then began to undress her. She changed into the hospital gown like she had when she had first started to show signs of being unwell. Vanya was then laid down against the mattress as two bands were wrapped around her swollen belly so that they could monitor her contractions and the progress she was making in her labor as well as her own vitals.

The silence in the room felt like it was drowning her. She wished that she could listen to music like the books had suggested, she was sure that it would soothe the panic resting under her heart. Music always felt like it was filling the pit inside of her, like it was easing whatever ache had formed in her when she was young. She was scared and nervous and a number of other things that she was too young to name, which meant that she was too scared to ask for what she needed.

The door to the hospital room opened up after what felt like a thousand hours and even more contractions. Reginald walked in and suddenly the anxiety inside of Vanya spiked to a whole new level, wracking through her like she had never felt before. Her father didn’t even spare her a passing glance as he walked over to the nurse robot and said, “There you are. I have been trying to summon you for the better part of an hour and you didn’t respond to a single one!”

“My apologies, sir, but my program told me that attending to Vanya during her labor was more important than tending to simple first aid that the other children can perform on each other,” she explained with her regulated, calm tone. It was enough to make Vanya slowly sink back down into her pillows to have some ease with her next contraction, but the anxiety was still there since Reginald hadn’t replied yet.

“Why on earth would you think that? It’s only labor, not the birth,” he scoffed.

“Given that Vanya is so young and this is her first child, it would be better if she had someone familiar with medical practices and familiar to her just in case something were to go wrong and to keep her calm enough that labor does not stall,” Grace replied.

The old man turned his gaze towards his child with the disdain that only someone like him would be able to summon. “Go attend to the others, get them into bed and then return back here. I will sit with Number Seven and monitor her vitals in the meantime,” he groused. He pulled that thick red book from under his arm and flipped it open as he sat down in one of the other chairs. Grace listened to her master and stood, despite the fretful look that Vanya was giving to her mother.

The next half hour was the worst experience of her labor, even worse than the pain that was wracking her form. Grace didn’t come back for another twenty minutes and her water had broken during the halfway mark, but her father had barely even looked at her. She wasn’t able to make herself call out to him for help, so she simply tried to move herself off of the bed so that she could handle it on her own.

It was humiliating and scary and she never wanted to be in that situation. She wished that she had any way to contact the boy that had gotten her in that position, or force the brother that had taken her to that party to be by her side. She just wanted comfort and a familial presence around her, but she was never going to get it.

---

Allison had just released Viktor by the time that Grace came back into the ground. “What’s going on, children?” she asked, her mechanical eyes half vacant with old programming and the lack of someone to give her orders.

“Mom, Viktor needs your help. He’s going to have a baby,” Allison explained.

The robot walked over to him and then knelt down at his side with one hand placed on his belly just as he experienced another contraction. She gave a nod, “Bring him to the infirmary would you, Luther?”

The aforementioned man paled a little bit as he turned towards his brother. “Is it okay if I pick you up? I don’t think that Mom remembers the fact that I was never allowed to do that when we were kids.”

“I think Mom understands that this far into my labor, there is no way that I’m going to be able to get up and walk,” he replied through gritted teeth. That apparently was enough to snap his brother out of whatever panicked stupor he was suffering through. He carefully picked Viktor up with one arm around his shoulders and the other underneath his knees.

As they walked down the hall, the rest of the siblings quickly followed after them. Grace was waiting in the main medical room instead of the quarantine room that Viktor had been in last time, which he was massively relieved for. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to handle giving birth in the same place that everything had happened in last time.

Klaus, Ben, Diego, and Luther were eventually left out in the hall once Luther had set him down properly. Five and Allison were allowed to stay after Viktor had been prompted by the aforementioned woman about who he wanted to be by his side. She wasn’t asking about a partner that he might want with him, but the question had been open ended enough that he would have felt secure telling her if there was anyone.

Just like last time, he was transferred into a hospital gown and then his water broke all over the bed. Unlike last time, Grace was able to get the ground and him cleaned of the clear fluid before he was placed into the birthing bed. Five was on his left side and Allison was at his right, both of them doting over him just like he had wanted someone to when he was in labor. He had never anticipated them being the ones to escort him through the process but he was at leats relieved that he wasn’t doing it virtually alone.

Grace sat down on a stool between his legs and checked his dilation before she determined that he was ready to push. He had apparently been calm enough that his labor didn’t stall and his second child was coming much faster than the first had. The robot flew into action as she instructed her other two children, “I want one of you to take his legs and hike them up. Viktor, when you get the next contraction I want you to push as hard as you can. You know what you’re doing.”

“You do?” Allison asked, looking a bit surprised.

“Another time,” he gasped. He was holding their spare hands as he bent over himself to push in a downwards motion. He had remembered it hurting far more than it actually did, the pushing actually relieving a lot of the pressure that was building up along the base of his hips.

As soon as the contraction had passed, he collapsed back against the bed. “You’re doing good,” Five praised him with a sure nod. That praise was enough to make him feel like it was actually true. If Allison had been the one to say it then he would have half believed it because she often said things to get what she wanted and not because it was true.

The next several minutes where spent in a whirlwind of pushing and laboring as he got the baby crowned. He birthed the head only ten minutes after he had started pushing and half an hour after he had admitted that he was in labor. He should have been more embarrassed that his siblings, who were basically still strangers to him, were seeing him in such a vulnerable position, but the feelings never cropped up inside of him. Instead, he just felt welcome and safe around them.

A single strong push was all it took for his baby to slide into Grace’s waiting hands. She flipped the newborn over and then placed them down onto Viktor’s chest as they took in their first shaky breath and then began to scream. “Congratulations, Viktor! You have a beautiful baby girl,” she praised.

“A girl,” he breathed. Allison and Five were able to place his legs back down against the mattress and his entire world zoomed in on the tiny, perfect face now staring up at him from on top of his chest. He could barely pay attention to the cord being cut, the afterbirth passing, or Grace stitching him up. Even when the baby was removed from his chest so that she could be cleaned, his gaze traveled after her.

Allison worked side-by-side with her mother as she washed the baby while Grace got Viktor into another hospital bed so that the one he gave birth in could be cleaned. Five stayed by his best friend’s side the entire time, clearly brimming with questions but keeping all of them between tight lips so that he didn’t overwhelm Viktor.

He was exhausted, so he was grateful that no one was questioning him just yet. Despite how much he wanted to be home and how much being in his childhood house stressed him out, he fell asleep with his hand dipped into the clear bassinet next to him so he could feel his baby breathing steady at his side.

---

She had just finished struggling to get another sheet onto the bed to replace the one that her waters had soaked through when her mother finally returned. She felt a wave of relief overwhelm her before it was overshadowed with yet another contraction. By that point, she had been biting her lips raw and blinking her eyes furiously to try and contain the tears. When she saw her mother and then immediately had one of her pains, there was no way that she was going to be able to keep it inside.

She wanted comfort and protection and it felt like there was no way that she was going to get it. The only relief that she got from her panic was that door clicking as her father left so that he could do it whatever it was that he did with his free time. Grace finished remaking the bed and then helped her daughter back into it with a kind, patient hand. She then wrapped robotic arms around the young teenager and let Vanya sob down into her chest.

Vanya’s labor continued long into the next morning. She was able to curl against the bed and nap between the contractions as they slowly marched closer and closer to each other. She had an IV to keep herself hydrated and to administer other medication if the need arose. She wasn’t allowed anything other than ice chips to try and stave off the hunger burning low in her stomach.

There was no conversation, no music, just oppressing silence that weighed her down so that she felt like her body was turning into acid. She thought that the birth of her child was something that was going to be joyful, all of her pain and anguish finally coming to an apex when she pushed. She thought that her labor would be like her pregnancy, a dreg but eventually something that was so wonderful it would overwhelm her entire being. Instead, she felt as though she was being tortured.

Every half hour, Grace would pull up her hospital gown and then insert two fingers into her vagina so that she could tell how far Vanya had progressed in her labor. She only got an update when something had changed and not a single platitude that she was doing well. Her mind had already convinced her that she was somehow doing her labors wrong, that she couldn’t even do something that was inherent to her body correctly.

Eventually, after what felt like days, Grace moved her into a specialized bed. There were stirrups where her feet were placed so that her legs were spread and her knees were bent. “Mom, I’m scared,” she whimpered when she felt another one of the overwhelming pains that wracked through her body.

“I know that this is overwhelming, Vanya, but your body was made for this. I want you to push down like you’re trying to defecate with the next contraction, alright? I know that sounds absurd, but it’s going to bring the baby into the world in the fastest and most efficient way,” Grace explained.

It wasn’t the comfort that she wanted, it wasn’t what she needed. She felt her heart throbbing for a warm arm around her or a kiss on her forehead. The only thing that she got was the uncomfortable vinyl of the bed beneath her and the metal along her legs as they were spread. She felt like she was put on display, she didn’t even know if her father had cameras to watch what happened in that room. It wasn’t likely that he would review the tapes for her since she wasn’t exactly one of his prized possessions, but there were cameras everywhere else in their home so it wasn’t out of the question.

There was no comfort to be offered for lowly Number Seven. Simply cold materials and a robotic mother who was trying to be efficient instead of kind. She had to grasp onto the plastic sides of the bed as she leaned forward and pushed.

Her entire body felt like it was being split apart as the head of the baby made its way down into the birth canal and then began to crown. The burning was nothing like she had every felt before and she wasn’t even given any relief when the head was born. She was so exhausted after pushing for an hour and a half that she was struggling to keep her eyes open when the squalling baby was placed down onto her naked chest.

“Congratulations, Vanya. You have a baby girl,” Grace’s voice was far away when she spoke. Despite her exhaustion and the pain that she was still in, her entire world zoomed down to the tiny face. That was what she had worked so hard for, it was the potential for a life and a family that truly loved her. She would never treat her baby the way that she had been treated, she would cherish her daughter like she was the sun, moon, and stars wrapped into one tiny form.

Her arms wrapped around the newborn as she lowered her down to take a breast like the books had suggested. She couldn’t even feel the needle applying the topical numbing agent so that she could be stitched up. The only time that she came away from staring at the tiny eyes and perfect lips was when she was cleaned of blood and changed into another hospital gown before being transferred back to the same bed she had labored in.

She wanted to go back to her room so that she could rest somewhere familiar, but the clear bassinet didn’t look like it would easily move down all those stairs. She figured that there would be time to figure that out in the morning, and time to place the exact words about how she would introduce her baby to Klaus and Five. She fell asleep with her hand grasping the edge of the bassinet and words swirling through her ever-busy mind.

---

Viktor woke with a start, blinking his eyes furiously as he tried to figure out where he was. The memories rushed back to him in a second and the reality of the situation came crashing down on him all at once. “Where’s my baby?” he demanded when the door opened to show Allison.

“It’s okay, Vik, she’s right here,” she replied softly. She wheeled the clear bassinet over to her brother and then settled down beside her.

Love and adoration for the newborn overwhelmed him as he cradled her close to his body, protective and loving. “I’m never going to let you go, not ever,” he promised. “I love you, Natalya, so much.”

---

Vanya woke up feeling awful, as she had pretty much every time she had woken up in the past several months. She hauled herself slowly up and then glanced towards the clear bassinet, finding it empty. Panic shot through her as she asked, “Where’s my baby?”

“Number Seven, surely you didn’t think that you would actually get to keep it?” Reginald laughed, cold and mocking. “It was a distraction to you and your siblings. You will heal and then return to the routine as normal without speaking a word of this to anyone.”

Her heart felt hollow as the door closed and she was left alone.

8 notes · View notes

grave-c · 11 months

Text

5AM headcanons as I slowly get back into Moral-ing

- idk how much from Narcissism the fandom accepts, but it does make me categorize Bloberta as the “prettiest” / most desired woman in moralton based on the fact that she made Putty climax with words alone.

- As goofy as that is it also re-contextualizes a lot. She is “off limits” even in infidelity because she’s the mayor’s wife.

- I also think if Dottie tried her routine on Bloberta, Dottie would end up crying wayyyyyy earlier. Bloberta’s numbness includes an immunity to gaslighting. Also there is one element that actually connects the 2 characters that I wanna draw. Here’s a different scene for now:

Dottie: Can I sit with you Bloberta so our kids can talk to each other and not us?

Bloberta: … you talk to your kids?

Dottie nervously lights a cigarette.

Dottie: I- uh, well I mean-

Bloberta puts out the cigarette by clasping the end with her bare fingers.

Bloberta: If you’re going to do that, I think you should sit somewhere else.

- Blobbie / Censordoll discourse is also interesting bc I think of it as “numb & barren” (ship name maybe?) - things kinda also come full circle. In Help: Bloberta fails to help Fran, feels like she helped Clay and marries him, Orel is born and goes on to be Fran’s main helper in her campaign against Clay, with signs made by Bloberta.

- Gay Clay vs. Bi Clay was a debate brought up in one of my streams and I said my answer keeps changing. There are “tactile” arguments for Bi Clay but they all really start to evaporate for me with the scene in honor. There is no exact science, it is just a uniquely gay anguish confessed. alsogayclayrhymes

- I think about Clay’s rise to office a lot and what exactly enabled him to do so, and I’m beginning to think he may have used his mother’s death in his campaign as he starts to pen her lost commandments into Moralton law. Much to Arthur’s dismay, which only encourages Clay to take things further.

- A newer idea but I feel like Danielle’s experience encouraging Orel might have kindled something, and if Fakey can go from coach to Principal so can Danielle.

- I think now that Bendy is reconnected with Joe, the Fakey situation will actually quickly lead to a restraining order. Since Bendy no longer has to telephone through Ms. Secondopinionson to talk to Joe, Fakey talks to Secondopinionson for updates on Bendy. I think Fakey’s mental state will decline between his ruined marriage and “mistress” cut off, but for some reason I think with Secondopinionson’s infinite patience she becomes a sort of friend + makeshift repressional since Putty’s having none of it anymore. In that circumstance I think Secondopinionson becomes comfortable speaking to him in her natural voice . I think Fakey loses his job to Danielle like above, then idk, gets part time work at Steph’s shop or something.

- The David Tuber interview mentioned that Orel goes goth but also goes atheist, and the blue heron as a symbol of his faith begins to follow him around. I think the “Nature rematch” would be Orel getting Ol’ Gunny with actual intent to kill the Heron.

- Which brings me to the tinfoil hat section. Consider this my “Season 4+”

- By this time Censordoll has a stranglehold on Moralton. With no role models and in complete nihilism Orel kills the Heron in anger. In absolute darkness Orel finds no solace, he then notices the Heron’s nest.

- I have no idea what Steven Universe / Demon Slayer script we’ll need to get to this point but I really think that if Censordoll is the “final boss” of Moralton it should end with her and Orel nurturing the blue heron egg until it hatches, roll credits.

#moral orel #headcanon #text post

26 notes · View notes

tiodolma · 3 months

Text

MerGana and How Their Extremism May Follow Vulgate/Robert de Boron's Good vs. Evil Story

I think making bbcMorgana's first acts in S3 and S4 of saying that it was good that women and children of camelot will die was a fascinating and deliberate choice of making sure she was ireedemable and "evil" in the eyes of the audience.

The framing of bbcMorgana as killer of innocents (even when she was just following bbcMorgause's orders) in juxtaposition of bbcMerlin as vigilante executioner of treasonous criminals makes the audience lean more favorably towards bbcMerlin's extremism.

Writing bbcMorgana as one who takes pleasure in the suffering of others also enabled the producers to makes sure that the audience can forgive bbcMerlin's own crimes because he does it with obvious anguish.

............

Points to consider though:

BbcMorgana was educated for one year that what she was doing was right and justified. Based on her intimate knowledge if the peopleof Camelot, they are all complicit in the deaths of millions of the magic race and their allies. Her extremist training under bbcMorgause amplified that drive to punish all and then rejoice in their downfall. The bbcMorgana who cared for the wellbeing of Camelot already died when she was executed without trial and due cause (basically assassinated) for the sake of the Kingdom. (Remember, hemlock has no antidote)

BbcMerlin's extremism allowed him to bypass laws that even Camelot held dear. But since he does this with anguish, sorrow and burden of destiny/god's will then, he is forgiven and justified by the watchers of his acts even though he usually held the metaphorical gun at point blank range and then called it "self-defense"

............

I would say the merlinbbc show matches with the way The Story of Merlin was written in Robert de Boron tradition and the Vulgate. The clear distinction between good and evil in these classic literature was always "light and dark", "hatred and love."

Commiting heinous acts in "wrath, bitterness and revenge" "and taking pleasure in suffering" was the "work of the devil" "letting the devil into one's heart" (as the case of vulgate!merlin's conception)

And committing heinous acts while in anguish is technically acceptable in the eyes of destiny and the christian god. (As was the case of robertdeboron!merlin assisting in arthur's and ector de maris's conception)

...........

Then there is an argument that the show followed the heavily christian vulgate philosophy of good and evil all along?

That other philosophies and ideas which revolve around good/evil, light/dark, hatred/love being in constant balance should not be applied to the show because classic arthuriana doesnt use them?

..................

Redemption, also leans on the idea of bbcMerlin spreading the "good word" to the others. That the unbelievers will be saved if they join him in backing the One and Only Savior and King. If they don't and if they fight against it then there will be a judgement. It is never the other way around despite the unbelievers also having valid justification. As expected this reflects the highly christian messaging of the classic source material too.

Then if other watchers lean/sympathise more towards the motivations and actions of the "antagonists," "the unbelievers," "members of the old religion that fight against the prophecy" then they are "letting evil prevail" and "you dont understand the objective of the story"

Would it also mean that such antagonist-sympathetic fandom wank are technically not worth rehashing because it would be too rooted in actual historicity/real life instead of the classic arthurian mythology and christian influences that the show was based on?

.............

Anyhow the next time you hear people saying that the merlin bbc writers were stupid and didnt know what they were doing, please reconsider.

#otp: hatred to your love #otp: darkness to your light #vulgate #prose merlin #on how merlin bbc follows classical arthuriana: good vs evil #thots #heli blobbing #merlin meta #natural dyad #its an extremist vs extremist game #ultimately this was written as a mergana dynamic thing #theyre both terrible your honor

7 notes · View notes

hot-take-tournament · 10 months

Note

Also as a Christian, I would argue that if we're going by fandom rules, there is some basis for a Jesus/Peter pairing. Peter was one of the first disciples to follow Jesus. When Jesus was walking on the water Peter also walked out on the water to go to him, and when lost faith and began to fall Jesus pulled him up out of the sea. Peter's real name was Simon, but Jesus called him Peter (which means stone or rock,) pretty cool sweetheart name, waaaay better than "sugar" or "sweetie". And of course, when Jesus was being arrested in the garden Peter immediately jumped to his defense with a freaking SWORD, which none of the other disciples did. Can't forget his anguish and angst when he denied knowing ;) Jesus out of fear. John is "the one Jesus loved" but like. There is a good argument to be made for Jeter.

When I die do you think that Peter will deny me entrance based on this answer or will he high-five me and say I was the only one who understood?

you make a pretty compelling case, it's just...

the name

'jeter'

like 'derek jeter'

i don't know if i can unhear it

#asks #not a poll #hot take bible discourse

24 notes · View notes

epicfranb · 4 months

Text

Sometimes i want to mark down a moment that i feel like is important for characterization, but i don't feel like recording or making a clip so i just write it down (it also helps to nail down the way the character is talking) so here's Bdubs from today's episode

Bdubs: I just moved the animals to the backyard. They're back there somewhere, enjoying a nice place- Trust me, it's not torture. It's just a fenced-in area. (sighs) Sad. Do-Don't be sad, though. You're sad, I'm fine! I'm happy! I'm happy i lost! I-we-- Losing makes me so happy! We don't need that sign anymore, because we didn't win, so we can't give a prize to anybody, and people were really count'n' on me, and you guys were really count'n' on me, and i let ya down! Here's around the backyard, just down this pit down here. The animals are down by the lava over there, that's where i placed 'em, just so you know, for reference. Even my bee's leavin' me! It's just leavin'! (giggles)

There's something to be said about the way he reacts to bad things happening to him. It's also seen in the moment where Bdubs shows himself walking all the way back to the house (great job on the visual storytelling!), then tells the other guys: he's had a lot of time to think. Just reapawning, he was angry; as he walked, it transitioned to sadness; but then, it's respect. Bdubs is a very social person, he reads people well and he adjusts his own behavior based on the situation and who he's talking to, he trains this skill and he prides himself on his ability to trick people (seen particularly in how much he's being mischaracterized in fandom!), so he was filled with respect for the trio that killed him. In Bdubs's eyes, they made him feel cocky, which then led to his demise (haha get it), but, like, i think the other guys just? Accepted the trap didn't work and switched to just chatting? Ren was still ready to pull the trigger if Bdubs got close, but it was Bdubs who activated the trap in the end, being so sure he wouldn't die to it. He can't, he's lasted so long, he's a life series veteran, he's avoided and survived so many traps already! Maybe Bdubs realizes that there was no social trickery going on with Ren, Iskall and Beef, it was his own foolishness; but in his eyes, they're admirable for using Bdubs's weak spot, his ego, against him. Maybe Bdubs just tends to notice these things, maybe it's a way for him to shift the blame a little bit, "this didn't happen out of my own foolishness, they were really good at manipulating me!"

But, in the snippet i showed you? Bdubs fully blames himself. "you were counting on me, and i let you down" He's trying to console himself by saying he's actually happy (he means, relieved, to no longer have to watch his every step) that he lost. There's a sense of bittersweetness in his voice as he says it. At the same time, he's doing work around his base (what else is there to do?), he shows us his progress, he talks non-stop, as though distracting himself. And he sees this random bee flying by and jokes that it's leaving him, does his little giggle, but it can still hear the sadness in his voice. He's disappointed in himself, and he projects this disappointment onto the people who wrote their names on the signs and to the viewers ("i let ya down") and even onto this bee.

You see how he's not openly in anguish? How he speaks about his failure, casually amongst other things, still making jokes? How his voice is a little bittersweet, in a "i failed, but what can ya do" kind of way, and not in a bitter, upset "I'm a complete failure, i can't believe i skrewed this up" kind of way? Even though he feels like the second way, he speaks like the first, because he acknowledges that that's just how it is, so he peacefully continues work on his base, but with a heavy heart.

So yeah, here you go. A little analysis of Bdubs through the lens of a ficwriter, i guess. Hopefully now you can write better angst of Bdubs, lol.

#i know there's like.. probably no outright 'mistakes' about this but posting this still makes me anxious.#so let me know if you find this at all interesting or useful ...#life updates #i still haven't finished his episode btw. i went to write this

6 notes · View notes

sunshinecherryblossom · 6 months

Text

Official news about Naruto's fandom... My opinions

I have to say, Naruto fandom in general will never cease to amaze me. Let's start from the beginning: remember that survey on the most loved couple in Japan as SS that we heard about with so much hype last time? Well, it turns out to be false (why am I not surprised?). There is no specific data on this poll nor is it known when and who voted; the SS simply published a screenshot of a post taken from a Japanese site but nothing else is known; there is no link or anything to access the site. Also, chatting on different forums and seeing how ships are currently rated it is highly unlikely that SS and NH are higher than KiriSuna or IchiHime, especially seeing how NH itself is received with most of the Japanese fandom complaining about Hinata as not a good mother or how there isn't enough chemistry between the two, so much so that the couple is defined as "boring". For SS the matter is a little different given that Sakura is an overly loved character, regardless of who her partner is or not but considering the disgust of the Japanese at the way she was treated after marrying Sasuke I honestly doubt it (of course, if this is a survey done only by young women who are excited by the handsome Uchiha and do not take history into account then we already have the answer to our questions). Among other things, I would like to remind everyone that to do a real survey requires a lot of time to collect data and everything, here we are talking about immediate responses from a random survey lasting a week perhaps? Remember, objectivity first and foremost. Secondly I have to say that it is always fun and ironic to see the constant wars between SS and NH even though they have both been canon for years now (like Sakura now Naruto and Hinata have also gotten their own post on the big screen in the big cities and now we have the war between who stole the idea from who and who is envious of who... right, because now these are the important news about Naruto. No the story, no the new video game with the main protagonist who eliminates himself, not a Franchise which, due to them and their closed mentalities, has been falling apart for years. No). Third, recently Boruto cards with different scenes have been made available and we have been asked to vote on the ones most requested by the fandom in general and as I suspected people are aiming for the real shonen sense with Sasuke and Naruto as the main requests and the return of the team 7 as adults (the story of Boruto and the canon couples are of no interest to anyone. People have always loved the dynamic of team 7 and it's a fact)

Last but not least, it seems that a live action of Naruto is underway apparently. I expected it after OP's success but honestly it worries me a lot. Hollywood works differently than Japan. If a character doesn't like how he is represented in the original story, the producers and directors will make sure to totally change his behavior in order to acquire more money and audiences (based on what Western fans want they will act accordingly). There can be three hypotheses at this point and it is not certain that the history of Hollywood will follow the original one. For SS (in case they see that the couple is well received then they will try to focus on their strengths i.e. anguish and dramatic tension and will try to eliminate Sakura's fangirl behavior with Sasuke. Be careful though, the same thing could happen with Karin because if the character is more liked with Sasuke than Sakura then that couple will have the spotlight). For NH, well their dynamic is not that of a typical Western fandom relationship (I tell you this from experience as I myself am part of that fandom) therefore, if the purpose of the live is to emphasize the current couples then it is possible that they will eliminate the defects of Hinata and those parts of her that may seem boring in a relationship to the public and instead will focus on her merits. In all this we must also understand whether Kishimoto himself will be involved in this work or not because it may also be that these years have served him as a lesson and he has learned from his mistakes and therefore this time it will be more for the continuation of his original story and an obvious NS final given Sakura's now well-known popularity. Or, it could also be that the live broadcast will have as its objective the main ficus of the story and therefore SasuNaruSasu and the dynamics of team 7. Many factors come into play and we don't know for sure how things will go... I don't know what to think but for sure I can say with certainty that it will not be a live action that will remedy the damage suffered to the Naruto/Boruto Franchise. What's done is done and now we have to live with it by accentuating reality and thinking about what could have been and wasn't

#anti naruto ending #anti boruto #anti ss #anti naruto fandom #anti nh #anti sasusaku fandom

12 notes · View notes

pinksilvace · 5 months

Text

Fern guides their mutuals and followers through Cats 1998 as if we're all sitting on the same couch watching it and I'm shouting out stuff (1/?)

MASTERPOST

Character Wiki Pages

Warning: there's going to be a LOT of bias in these posts

Okay, before we get started, there are a couple of characters in here that are given their US names with UK designs. Accordingly, these characters will be referred to with their US names, though their descriptions on the wiki will correspond with UK names. For navigation:

US -> UK Plato -> Admetus Pouncival -> Carbucketty Tumblebrutus -> Bill Bailey

I've seen folks use "Plato" and "Admetus" interchangeably, but interestingly, I tend to see "Pouncival" and "Tumblebrutus" associated with the 1998 designs when used in fan works - perhaps because these are incredible names, or perhaps because that's just the sort of influence that Cats 1998 has had on the fandom.

(not to mention, "Bill Bailey" in particular has been used to refer to several designs, including Tugger's chorus outfit in recent US-based productions)

Alrighty, onto the show!

1: Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats

youtube

Okay, first things first, this cat ^^^ is Demeter. She's the first cat seen onstage because she's Really Freaking Important. I'd argue that she's the second most important character, after Grizabells, and that's because Cats deals with two sources of conflict: Macavity's interference and Grizabella's anguish. Demeter is the character that connects these two conflicts. We'll talk about it more later.

Where was she in Cats (2019)? Well, you see, she doesn't have a song about her and her design isn't one of the most instantly recognizable, so I guess she wasn't deemed important enough to keep. This decision sent out ripple effects that completely overturned the characterizations of other characters, but that's a rant I need not get into now.

I have Feelings about Demeter's exclusion

The cat on the left here is Munkustrap; his role is to be the Jellicle tribe's protector. You'll see him a lot and never learn his name, but this context is important, since he acts as the narrator. I'm putting Alonzo (right) here too because he's the #2 protector/Munkustrap's second in command but he's a little worse at the job, has almost no lines, and has way less charisma (affectionate), so you might not know that if I don't tell you.

(another side tangent: one of Alonzo's character adjectives is "uncertain", and sometimes actors play this up until the idea he's a protector is practically comedic. Depending on how you interpret his character, he's either new to the job or prefers to keep to himself... or both. There's some additional backstory there I might get into later that's not 1998-specific.)

Also, I can't watch this part anymore without thinking about this video from Sean McManus.

^ Tumblebrutus tumble moment #1

This is Cassandra. She's very recognizable. The camera loves her. You will see her a lot and wonder what her deal is, but the truth is that she has no plot relevance and barely interacts with the other characters. In the 2015 Tecklenberg production, she pretty much just stood and danced in a very specific corner of the stage the whole time, and... it's not not accurate to her usual role. I guess those are just side effects of having the adjectives "haughty, disdainful, aloof."

Oh yeah, you'll probably want to know what the deal is with these two as well. These are Coricopat and Tantomile. They're psychic and (probably) twins. I think that's the important information but it's good to know because it makes a lot of stuff later on make sense.

Victoria has a number of lifts throughout the show - maybe more than any other character, though I've never gone through and counted. In the US revival choreography, at least one of these is in an attempt to reference her connection to the Jellicle Moon, but it could also refer to her arc of maturity (more on that in the white cat section) and how she's "ascending" out of kittenhood.

The placement of this row makes me SO HAPPY whenever I see it. Cassandra's on the far side because she doesn't like hanging out next to anybody. Plato is next to Alonzo because Alonzo is the #2 protector and Plato might someday be the #3. Alonzo is with Munkustrap because of the aforementioned protector stuff and also (headcanon) because Alonzo has anxiety and Munkustrap is his ESA. Munkustrap and Tugger are brothers (more on that in the Old Deuteronomy section). Tugger and Mistoffelees are together in more ways than one (more in that in the Mr. Mistoffelees section). Mistoffelees and Skimbleshanks are beside one another because they're buddies in this production. Coricopat is at the other far end because he's tall.

Beautiful.

^ Live footage of Pouncival clutching his ears because Jenny only usually only raises her voice while repremanding him, ft. Tumblebrutus pog

Girl help your cats are gnc as hell

(this will not be the first time I mention it, but the London Alonzo and Admetus makeup designs >>>>>)

AGH these actors are so expressive it drives me wild... cats musical actor improvisation and creative expression my BELOVED

^ Whenever I see this shot, I always think of what a good reference it is for seeing the back of Alonzo's wig lol. I actually relly like that this design has the dots going all the way to the sides rather than just being spots.

It's a running gag in the fandom that you have to shake your head when they say "statistical cats", and it's true. I do it every time. I can't even hum this song without shaking my head anymore.

2: The Naming of Cats

youtube

You will hear a lot of the cats' names in this part. The camera will not zoom in on those cats in correspondence. I wish it did.

This is a good time to bring up levels when it comes to character age and how it relates to general choreography. With the exception of Demeter (and, arguably, Rumpleteazer - more on that in the M&J section), all of the characters in the front row here (specifically, on the ground) are supposed to be kittens. There are a few missing (Tumblebrutus, arguably Plato and Mungojerrie - more on Plato in the Grizabella segment), but in general, if the cats are moving as a crowd as they do here (and, more notably, in Old Deuteronomy), with some standing and some crawling, the ones crawling are likely the kittens.

In theory, this visual distinction makes sense, as being closer to the ground makes the actors look smaller, but this never got across to me until I started learning more about the show outside of watching this production.

I simply cannot imagine how many people have paused at this section for referencing the makeup designs

(also teehee plato makeup my beloved!!!!!!!!!)

Omg hiiiii Plato - Alonzo - Munkustrap order again <3

Speaking of order: beside Munkustrap is Chorus Deuteronomy, and on Deut's other side is Tugger. When the formation splits into chunks, those three are the only ones in the row. This is because they're implied (very loosely) to be family. Once again, more on that in the Old Deuteronomy section.

I've always loved how the color saturation gets weird here. Grayscale Mungojerrie ily

3: The White Cat Solo

youtube

I think this section gives the audience a false impression of Victoria's importance; it's probably the very reason she was chosen to be the protagonist in Cats (2019), even though throughout most of the show, she serves a lesser function than around half of the other characters.

This is where we start toppling into the Cats iceberg. Remember how I mentioned two main sources of conflict earlier? Think of those as Plot #1 (Grizabella re-joining the Jellicles/The Jellicle Choice) and Plot #2 (Stop Macavity from wreaking havoc). Because this show is about a collection of characters (rather than just one) with each having their own stuff going on, it gets a lot deeper than that, and that's why it's so difficult to hear folks say that Cats has no plot or very little plot. I would argue that Cats has so many plots - and, subsequently, themes - that it can't spend a huge amount of time on any of them, but that's a thought for another post.

Victoria's story deals with one of Cats' other prominent themes: female sexuality. Sexuality in general, sure, but I'd say that the representation of female sexuality in here is so much more diverse than that of male sexuality that it's become its own topic, and I'll be referencing it in a few other numbers.

On this particular night, Victoria is coming into her own. She's maturing. She'll have her first mating experience, and by the next ball, she might not be considered one of the kittens anymore. This is especially important because she is the white cat, and white, for better or worse, is the color associated with purity. I love that the white cat is the one who has a romantic/sexual experience taking place within the runtime of the show itself, and I love that it's portrayed as a wonderful thing. We'll cover that more during the Jellicle Ball portion of these posts.

Not to be weird about it, but this is a great section for seeing the construction of the unitards, which consist of six seams: one down the back, one around the inside of the legs, one down each arm, and one connecting each sleeve to the torso. The closures are typically snaps or hooks in the shoulders, which are concealed by the fluffy bits of the costumes, with the exception of Cassandra, who I've seen a few different closure designs for. I also hear that some of the unitards have darts around the waist to help them fit better.

This is a good spot to mention a common headcanon for Victoria: that she is deaf. This headcanon is rooted in a few different things.

First, she is the only cat to have a moment about herself in which there are no sung words; everything is communicated through body language. The closest another cat comes to this is Mr. Mistoffelees, whose role is written such that the actor may or may not have singing parts, but typically, he'll still have lines outside of his own number.

Second, relating to that: I think there's only one part in the show where Victoria's voice is distinct, and that's when she shares two lines about the Jellicle Moon with Jemima during the Song of the Jellicles. They both maybe-sort-of get messages from the Jellicle moon, so whether she actually hears what she's saying is unknown.

Third, as a friend of mine likes to point out: there's a moment during the Jellicle Ball number in which she dances out of sync with everybody else, which can be taken as her not hearing the music.

Fourth: white cats are deaf in much higher rates than any other. Up to 20-ish% of white cats without blue eyes, up to 40% of white cats with one blue eye, and up to 80-85% of white cats with two blue eyes are born deaf. Coincidentally, I've seen a lot of fanart depicting Victoria with blue eyes, both in conjunction with this headcanon and not.

4: The Invitation to the Jellicle Ball

youtube

"This is the part where they explain the plot!" I always hear people say. Yes, this is where they explain Plot #1. To paraphrase:

Old Deuteronomy, leader of the tribe, will come and choose a cat to be reborn into another of their nine lives later in the night. This is seen as an honor and isn't weird or culty like a lot of people passingly familiar with Cats like to say. They're not competing to die; they're celebrating somebody's life and wishing them the best for what comes after.

No, Macavity doesn't want to be chosen. He just wants to wreak havoc. Cats (2019) made that part up because it got rid of Demeter.

^ This bit of choreo is probably where Cats (2019) got the idea of shipping these two, which is a bit odd, considering they literally both have pairs presented. rip Plato I guess

Pouncival pouncing moment #1

You'll notice that Munkustrap constantly has his legs wide apart. It's widely speculated that this is because the kitten characters love to dive through them, and he doesn't want their skulls bashing against his kneecaps all the time.

^ Victoria Jellicle moon moment (+ another being out of sync with the choreo moment)

I've officially run out of images but I really like this part where Munkustrap greets all of the cats. He has some really cool relationships in this show and it's worth going through in slow motion once you're more familiar with the characters. Anyway, this is Electra, and she's one of the kittens. Whenever fans decide that one of the kittens is Munkustrap's, it tends to be her, since she's always SUPER excited to interact with him and he's very warm with her.

In this section, I also really like how cordial he is with Jellylorum, how gentle he is with Demeter, and whatever he's got going on with Alonzo.

Bonus: Monochromatic siblings staging placements (yes I will probably do this every time because it's fun for me)

Bonus #2: Alonzo actors always raising their chins, my beloved

#fern muses #fern's 1998 #<- goodness knows I won't remember a tag any longer than that #and I really need to be able to find these posts again #anyway uhhh. bias galore #long post

7 notes · View notes

jerzwriter · 1 year

Text

Things Unsaid (1/3)

I was having difficulty writing anything fandom related. I just couldn't get a word out on any of my WIPs. So I decided to return to @creativepromptsforwriting's 30-Day Challenge. I reasoned writing a "little" something based on the next prompt might help. Well, it helped. lol The next prompt was "write about regret" I ended up with this little three-part series.

This is an AU - my babies are very happy in my HC - but it looks like I'm going to have a "What's Forever For?" Universe. This is a follow-up to What's Forever For?, and I will flesh this universe out, so you'll see the past, present, and future more clearly. Be warned: happy endings are not guaranteed. Well, at least not as most define it. I have not decided how this story will end (truly, not sure yet). But at least I'm out of my Choices slump! ❤️

Book: Open Heart (Post Series-Alternate Universe)

Pairing: Tobias Carrick x F!MC (Casey)

Rating: Teen

Category: Angst/Short-Series/AU

Warnings: Regret, divorce

Series Summary: Three days. That's all that stands between Tobias and Casey Carrick and the end of their marriage. The house is sold, they've said goodbye, and now they just have to wait to make it official. But what happens if one (or both) have second thoughts?

Chapter Summary: Tobias is staying at his mother's home until the purchase of his new condo closes. Sitting on the porch where he spent so much of his formative years has him thinking... and rethinking.

Words: 1,468

A/N: In addition to the 30-day challenge, I am also participating in @choicesmonthlychallenge using the prompt soft touches. They're from his mom, but they provide comfort at a challenging time.

Part 2 will be posted later on 3/2, and Part 3 will be up no later than 3/5. The series is already completed.

WFF? Universe Info & Masterlist Tobias & Casey Masterlist All Works Masterlist

The morning was eerily quiet. If not for the sounds of the leaves rustling in the trees, there would have been no sound at all. It had been decades since he resided here, and he had forgotten how quiet his old neighborhood could be. Moving in a few days before, he thought this would be perfect. Peace and serenity. He'd have time to think with so many changes on the horizon. But it only took a few days for him to realize how terrifying being alone with his thoughts would be.

"Jason! Come back here, sweetie!"

A woman's voice broke the tranquility, and Tobias flung his head her way. An adorable little boy waddled down the street, leaving his mother rushing to reach him. He wasn’t too far ahead; with just a few quick strides, she and the sleeping infant in the stroller she pushed were at Jason’s side.

"You can't run away from me like that, OK?" she admonished, though you couldn't miss the love in her voice.

"Ooooo-kaaayyy!" the little boy sang, and Tobias couldn't help but chuckle. The young mother turned his way and waved with an embarrassed little grin, and Tobias waved back… then, they were gone. Tobias watched them until they were out of sight. His mind raced in a hundred directions.

The little boy wasn't much younger than his son, Kyle. Tobias hadn’t seen him in several days now, and his heart was aching for him. It wasn’t all that long ago that he and Casey had been trying their best to give him a little brother or sister to love. But sometimes the best of plans, yeah….

Silence.

Even the wind and leaves abandoned him, giving him nothing to distract him from his thoughts, and that was the last place he wished to be. With his stomach churning, his lower lip began to quiver. An anguished look that had become too common for this jovial man registered on his face once again. If history was any predictor, tears would be sure to follow… and it turned out history was right.

Silence was not his friend.

The sound of the front door opening and the screen door snapping shut after it was a welcome reprieve. So was the sound that followed; he would know the sound of his mother’s footsteps anywhere, especially here. He had heard them just like this hundreds of times before, and the sound transformed him to a simpler time. What he wouldn't give to be a child, a teen, a young man, anything but the broken man he felt like right now.

He felt his mother's touch upon his knee as she sat beside him on the steps. She had been attempting to be there for him for months, wanting to be the rock that would help him through. Tobias was unsure if denial, pride, or embarrassment caused him to push her away, but right now, he was sure, it was a bit of all three. When he didn't recoil or crack a joke at her touch this time, a small smile came to his mother’s lips. She'd finally get to comfort her son, but more importantly, she knew the harsh reality he needed to make peace with was beginning to settle in. Older and wiser, she knew pain could only be avoided for so long, and it was time… truly time.

"I thought I'd find you out here," she announced. "You always sat on this porch when you needed time alone to think."

That elicited a chuckle, temporarily halting his tears.

"So, of course, you do what you've always done. Come out here to make sure I won't get it."

"I’m your mother,” she playfully chided. “And what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t come and pry into my son’s business.”

“I’m sure you think there’s logic in that,” he smiled, placing his hand over hers.

“There is. You know there is, even if you won’t admit it.”

A gentle breeze blew around them, and everything turned quiet once more, but Tobias knew it wouldn’t last, and within minutes, his mother, Vivian, proved him right.

“How are you holding up, son? I’ve been trying to give you space, but I can’t sit by when I see you in pain and don’t try telling me you’re not in pain.”

“Why would I be in pain, Ma?” He joked mournfully. “In three days, I get to sign my name and walk away a free man. Several thousand dollars to useless attorneys, a little bit of ink… and the life and love I spent the last decade building is over. Done. Like it never happened. What could be painful about that?”

Vivian sighed deeply, concealing her own pain over the situation to care for her son.

“It's never easy,” she lamented. “But, you and Casey… you thought this through. It’s going to be painful, son; there’s no avoiding it. But if it’s for the best, you’ll get through it. You’ll heal and move on, and one day you’ll be able to think back on this time without tears.”

Tobias shook his head with a sarcastic chuckle, his agitation becoming evident.

“Without tears, huh?” He mumbled. “Wouldn’t that be nice?”

His mother rubbed his knee as silence ascended once more. Silently, he thanked her for allowing him to sit in his grief. For not rushing in to save him, not telling him it would all be OK because, in truth, they both knew it wouldn’t be… at least not any time soon. The moment's authenticity helped him to mouth the words he had been saying silently for some time but never dared to speak out loud.

“Ma,” his voice cracked. “I think I’ve made a mistake.”

Vivian was grateful her son wasn’t looking her way at that moment because she couldn’t control the emotion on her face. Surprised, yet expected. Relieved, yet distraught. She knew her son, and she was confident that he felt this way in his heart, but if he didn’t put on a good act to prove otherwise. She was almost at a loss for words.

“You… you what?”

“I made a mistake, Ma,” he cried. Shaking his head furiously as tears stained his cheeks, “I made a terrible mistake.”

“OK. I think I know what you mean, but I want some confirmation. We’re not talking about closing on your new condo next week, am I right?”

“No,” he sighed sadly, “though that’s certainly part of it.”

“The divorce?” she whispered, a pleading tone in her voice.

“I was wrong, Ma.” His cries became sobs. “I was wrong. I didn’t want this… All I wanted was my family. How could I have been so stupid!” He yelled. “How could I let it slip away?”

“How… how long have you felt this way? When you first told me, I was stunned… but you seemed to believe this was for the best?”

“We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves,” he said with a distant look in his eyes. “I’ve known this was a mistake for some time now. Just like I know how much I fucked up.”

“Well,” she said, her voice taking on a commanding tone. “Tobias, you have not signed on the dotted line yet! There is still time. Have you discussed this with Casey?”

His body shook as a sarcastic laugh escaped him.

“Tell Casey what? Psych! I didn’t mean it. I was just joking when I said our marriage was over. It was just a gag! Tossing away a decade of our lives, our love, destroying our son’s home… it was just a joke, Case. Funny as hell… wasn’t it?”

“There’s nothing funny about this,” she insisted, moving to stand before him. “And you’re right; there’s an excellent chance she’ll tell you it’s too late. But, Tobias, what if she doesn’t? You can’t live with that what if hanging over your head. And don’t you think she deserves to know this, too?”

“It’s too late, Ma.”

“No, it is not! The ink is not dry, and neither of you is dead, so don’t tell me it’s too late!”

“Look, she may have been fool enough to try to have a life with me, but she’s not that much of a fool. Plus… I don’t know if I can bear to tell her and have her say no.”

“Can you bear an entire lifetime of wondering what could have been if you gave it just one more shot? Will you be able to look Kyle in the eye one day and tell him you truly tried everything before you threw it all away? Tobias, I didn’t raise a quitter, and I don’t expect you to quit now! Go. Go see her. You owe it to yourself to try.”

“I don’t think I….”

“Tobias! I’m telling you… just try!”

See what Casey's experiencing the same morning in part 2 later today.

Permatags: @a-crepusculo @animesuck3r @annoyingmillenialnewbie @crazy-loca-blog @doriopenheart @differenttyphoonwerewolf @fayeswiftie @genevievemd @gryffindordaughterofathena @inlocusmads @jamespotterthefirst @jennieausten @kingliam2019 @liaromancewriter @lucy-268 @onikalover @openheartforeverinmyheart @potionsprefect @quixoticdreamer16 @rookiemartin @secretaryunpaid @socalwriterbee @tessa-liam @trappedinfanfiction @jerzwriter-reblogs-asks @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

OH Only: @annfg8 @binny1985 @coffeeheartaddict2 @mysticalgalaxysstuff @ofmischiefandmedicine @peonierose @youlookappropriate

Tobias Only: @icecoffee90 @kyra75

#choices fanfic #open heart fanfic #open heart choices #tobias carrick #tobias carrick x mc #playchoices fanfic #angst #creative writing prompts #30-day challenge #choices fic writers creations #choices monthly challenge #alternate universe #my babies are HAPPY in my HC lol #<-- that's guilt

48 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs