#but ill post the full set together in the future but that will take a long while so just have him
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Bathtub
Post-Fight the Future
A moment in Scully's recovery from Antarctica after being released from a Buenos Aires hospital.
Inspired by this insane "blooper" video. and a tweet asking for a fic about said moment.
There was a soft knock at the door and Mulder said “Scully?” through it.
“Come in Mulder” she called.
There was a pause and she yelled out again with a smile “Im not indecent”. She was covered in bubbles after all, he wouldn’t be able to see anything below her shoulders.
He opened the door and slid his face through it apprehensively but when he saw she was covered completely, he relaxed and moved halfway across the frame.
She smiled up at him as she swallowed a retort of “Nothing you haven't seen before”, not wanting to make him needlessly uncomfortable. He had seemed like he’d been held together by a fine thread, under constant threat of loosing what little composure he’d been keeping together for her since she had woken up in the hospital in Buenos Aires.
They had been in an airy third floor walk up on a street full of colourful buildings, with bare trees lining the cobble stones, since she’d been released from the hospital a couple of days ago. She’d been throughly enjoying wandering around Palermo with him, looking at the old architecture that rivalled DC, listening to live music in the evenings, sitting at a corner cafe sipping wonderful warm coffee, not thinking about work for what felt like the first time in a long while.
He hadn’t mentioned anything about what had happened yet, letting her take the lead, but she could tell he was itching to. He had so much on his mind and she would have to get the full accounting eventually. But here in this cozy old stone building, in a bathtub from at least 1920, with a weathered door that wouldn’t lock, she felt like she was in a different lifetime. A sanctuary away from the x files and what they would have to return to in Washington in two days.
“Hey” he said eyes lingering on her face, no chance of impropriety there. She loved him for it.
“Skinner called, he’s glad you’re out of the hospital and he said to call as soon as you can, so…”
“No dilly dallying?”
He smiled at the term and said “Right, I don’t think we should keep him waiting he’s uh… well, annoyed would be a generous interpretation”
She laughed, “Okay, Ill be out in a minute.”
He turned out of the door then back to her “I was going to order some late breakfast, what do you want?”
“You can order in Spanish over the phone?” She raised an eyebrow.
“Well…” He shrugged throwing his hands out. The bottle cap he’d been playing with slipped from his fingers, hit the water, and sank with a tink to the bottom of the tub.
“Sorry” he said quickly, passing all the way through the threshold and stooping down over the tub. Before she could think to move, he slipped his arm between her legs and was fishing on the bottom of the tub for it. She swallowed the gasp in her throat as his arm brushed her inner thigh and her back straightened imperceptibly in response.
She followed his arm down with her eyes and shifted her legs open so he could reach it, where she could feel it had fallen, under her leg. She looked up at his face, lips parted, in surprise. He seemed truly concentrated on finding the thing. Was he just so comfortable with her now, almost kissing her in hallways, and carrying her half naked across the arctic that this was just what their partnership had evolved into? She wondered what he would do next, imagined what he would do next, hoped at what he would do next.
“Got it” he said and looked up at her, his hand dripping over the water. Their eyes met and she swallowed as she saw him register the desire she had been too slow to hide. She could see the moment flicker behind his eyes as he realised what he had done. His cheeks burned red as he leaned back, closing his hand around it in a tight fist. “Im sorry Scully, I don’t know what I was thinking doing that.”
She shook her head, setting her face in a casual expression, and ran her tongue over her dry lips. “Thats okay Mulder.”
They both waited for the other to speak and when neither did, she decided to end his agony. Her mouth spread in a wide smile and then she was giggling. He looked at her and chanced a smile.
“Mulder” she said sweetly. The water sloshed as she put her hands up in front of her, resting her fingers on the hollow between her clavicles, covering her breasts. She leaned onto the side of the tub, closing the distance he'd put between them. She looked up into his face. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before anyway.” She said it as a comfort, not in jest.
Mulder’s face was flushed but he smiled at her with such gentle affection, she could’ve stood up and thrown her arms around him in a sudsy wet hug.
Instead she said “Can we go out to that cafe again? I think I need to get the blood flowing with a walk.” Not that that wasn’t already happening right now, but she wanted to be outside, she’d felt slightly suffocated being inside since Antarctica.
“Of course, anything you want, Scully” He said in that stoic tone she loved, as he stood and made his way out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
End.
@today-in-fic
#msr fanfic#msr#x files#mulder and scully#mulder x scully#dana scully#fox mulder#every loop of that video I go a little bit more insane
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Love in Chaos (Carlos Olivera x Reader)
Tws- mentions of blood
2nd post, hope you enjoy <3 ill be writing alot carlos in the future so lmk whatd you want you want to see with him !!
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You and Carlos both faced the dangers of Raccoon City side by side, Carlos's confident flirtatious tendencies and your quiet self created an almost movie like relationship. He would throw cringey pickup lines your way, met with bright red faces, small giggles, and occasional eye rolls at his worst lines. Amidst the chaos he never stops throwing jokes at you, he lives to see you smile, you just didn't know that.
One evening, as the setting sun painted the broken skyline in hues of orange and pink, you and Carlos found yourselves on the rooftop of an abandoned building. The air is thick with smoke and an almost calming sensation, which is rare in the chaos filled time.
Carlos, true to his nature, leaned in with an exaggerated flourish. "You know," he began, both gazes kept locked on the setting sun in front of you both. “You look really cute today” you turn to him caught off guard by the sudden compliment, “you say that everyday” you roll your eyes, ears pink. Carlos still looking at they sky, his dark shaggy hair blowing in the soft breeze. “Thats because youre cute everyday” he shrugs and turns his head to look down at you. “Bullshit” you smile softly “im covered with mud and blood” you look down at your bruised body thats full of a mix of yours and the victims of your knife.
His gaze softens as he takes in the sight of you. "Even with the mud and blood, you manage to be the most captivating thing in this city," he says, his tone sincere. Carlos reaches over, brushing a strand of hair from your face with a gentle touch. You always assumed he was joking but something felt different this time,the look in his eyes, he was being serious.
You gained a small crush on the large man over the weeks of being together, how could you not? He had dark eyes that seemed to only soften on you, he was funny, determined and kind and holy shit was he hot. His large arms as he held his gun to fight off the zombies that suddenly caught you off guard, his pretty skin that is coated with shine due to the fires. His large hands as they gripped your wrists to pull you out of dangers way. He was hot. Like really hot.
You never pursued the crush and pushed it out of your mind as there was a literal zombie apocalypse happening and there was no time for a silly little crush. That was hard when you see the man everyday.
You can't help but blush at his words, a mixture of embarrassment and appreciation filling your chest. The apocalypse had left its mark on both of you, physically and emotionally, yet Carlos's unrelenting flattery remained a constant; it made you feel validated and loved even when you're at your lowest of lows.
"I mean it," he continues, his eyes tracing the contours of your face. "You're like a survivor goddess amidst all this chaos. Mud and blood included."
You chuckle, couldn't help but cringe a little at his use of words, still a bit bashful under his gaze. "Survivor goddess, huh? I'm not sure about that."
Carlos nudges you playfully. "Oh, absolutely. You fight off zombies and still manage to look adorable. It's a rare talent."
You shake your head, smiling at his antics. "Well, if I'm a survivor goddess, you're the charming rogue who keeps distracting me with compliments."
He grins, leaning in once more, this time planting a soft kiss on your lips. "Guilty as charged," he whispers, his breath warm against your ear. You just stared at him, taken aback, your face bright red and hot. You knew there was no passing over this crush.
As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow over the broken city, you couldn't help but feel a sense of warmth in your heart. In the midst of the apocalypse, amidst mud, blood, and chaos, there was an unexpected connection that transcended the grim reality--one Carlos Olivera himself created.
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#carlos olivera#carlos oliveira x reader#resident evil 3#re3 remake#2nd post#carlos olivera fic#resident evil#fluff
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Dreadful Reminders (J.T.K)
Summary: The brewing tension in your relationship seems to be pulling your love at the seams. What will happen when what is supposed to be happy news, only tears you apart further. Is one mindless phone call the end of it all?
Pairings: Jake Kiszka x f!reader
Warnings: ANGST, angst, andddd more angst, established relationship, asshole jake :(, Jake being mean, I can’t say much without spoiling but talks of pregnancy, swearing, doors slamming, feelings of being unwanted, hurt feelings, alcohol consumption… if I missed anything lmk!!
A/N: This idea has been circling my brain for weeks and I’ve finally decided to act on it, so here it is!! If you guys like this enough ill upload part 2, I’ve already got that one going and smut will be included ;))
It started off as hums of yes’s and no’s, dismissing waves out the door instead of proper goodbyes. The kisses no longer cherished, instead rushed. Love with Jake was once full of passion and eagerness, stolen glances from across the room much alike youthful school crushes. The lingering touches, the spontaneous arrival of perfectly bloomed floral arrangements just to say “thought of you”.
Handwritten notes every morning you awoke together almost as though they were incantations, spiraling more and more in love with each letter scribbled across dingy post-it notes. 5 and 1/2 years of irrevocable love, now slowly tearing at the seams like over-worn clothing. The innocence of it all was what preserved the love. What you failed to realize was growing up stripped that completely.
The day you found out was bittersweet. Jake left for a meeting with the boys shortly after your heated argument over god knows what, it seems as though any minor inconvenience is means for harshness and disagreements at this point. Your shaky hands hastily pick up the test after waiting for what seemed like hours.
Pregnant.
You covered your mouth not only in awe but in fear. You frantically searched for a second test in the box to solidify this outcome before sharing the news with anyone. You picked at your fingernails as you waited, a nervous habit you couldn’t seem to shake.
Is Jake even ready for this?
Did I just ruin his life?
How could we be so stupid, we’re so young.
The seemingly deafening sound of the timer shook you out of your now swarming thoughts. You hurriedly picked up the second test only to be met with the same prognosis as before. It’s not that you didn’t want the baby. Of course you both have talked about kids in the future but with how things have been between the two of you, you were sure an end to your most cherished love was nearing.
You’ve wanted a family with Jake, just not now. He is doing so well in his career, the band is skyrocketing. You almost feel selfish for wanting this. Would this set him back? You’ve both been so wrapped up in your own lives these past few weeks, him with the band and you overloading yourself with work. Things have been rocky. You feel as though you’ve become a burden to the person you love and cherish most.
No more late night whispers and giggles shared under the covers, the longing gentle touches underneath the twilight seemed to cease. Coffee together in the morning, a once cherished act of quality time.. now a mere chore. What was once intimate and passionate sex, now rushed solely to let his frustrations out. Only to be met with the saddening view of his back turned away as though you’ve become an eyesore, not worthy of being touched for longer than need be. The love that once flowed through your shared house, now stagnant. The tension almost suffocating. This is a whole new level you’re ready to take on, but is he?
You paced the bedroom wracking your brain on how to tell him for the next half hour before you hear the sound of the door slamming shut and the heavy patter of boots walking along the hardwood floors. Your heart thumps in anticipation like the mockery of a drum. The bedroom door swings open and a frustrated Jake appears throwing his keys off to the armchair.
Without making eye contact he walks past merely whispering “hey babe, bad day.” before shutting the door to the bathroom. Before you can be upset about his short greeting, your eyes widen in shock as you realize you never took the tests off the sink. Just as you were about to interfere your met with a puzzled Jake standing before you, the two tests clutched in his grasp. You two lock eyes and you swear he can hear your heartbeat from the adrenaline coursing through your veins.
“Anything you wanna tell me?”
He looks at you sternly. You almost feel like a child being scolded.
“I found out just before you got here I was trying to figure out how to tell you” You reply shakily, nervous to hear his response. You look down in shame and continue.
“I know things have been tough between us and we haven’t talked about it and that’s okay, if you’re stressed out about work stuff with the band I completely understand but I’m just as scared as you might be. We can work through this, I know we can. We’ve talked about kids before i think the plans are just a bit rushed, that’s all” you say hopefully with a shy smile.
Jake doesn’t say anything, just stares at you and then slowly brings his gaze to the two white sticks in his hands. He feels his heart thumping, a man usually well spoken now not finding the right words to say.
He opens his mouth to say something then swiftly shuts it again before clenching his jaw. The suspense killing you, you speak up.
“My Jake… please say something” your voice almost failing you as tears well in your eyes.
Oh god, he’s gonna leave you. You think to yourself. Just as your thoughts are about to spiral out of control he breaks the silence.
“I know I’ve been distant and i want to apologize it’s not right. There’s just been… things…weighing on me, I didn’t know how to navigate them and I shut you out. I’m sorry my love. And I’m sorry again for being so unsupportive right now it’s been a stressful day” he calmly says.
“C’mere” he whispers as he pulls you in his embrace “everything is gonna be okay” he says, stroking your hair almost as though he’s trying to convince himself.
➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖
The next few days seemed a little better Jake seemed to be genuinely trying and you were nothing short of appreciative. This was all you wanted, your Jake to be back.
The two of you are still planning on how to reveal the news to everybody. Today in particular seemed off. You arose to the sun seeping into the windows, curtains blowing as you mistakenly left the window open the night before. You’re expecting to be met with the warmth of Jake’s sleeping body lying next to yours. Instead nothing but a cold pillow and his barely-there scent.
No goodbye kiss? That’s weird.
Fully awake now, you peer over to your side to check your phone for any texts from him and see a note lying there.
“Got called into a last minute group meeting, see you soon.”
All my love,
Jake.”
Prying the covers off you, you feel an overwhelming sense of nausea. Not able to suppress it you run into the bathroom and alleviate the brewing sickness. You pick yourself up from in front of the now tainted porcelain, you start the shower and begin brushing your teeth. You fix up for the day, changing into a baggy crew neck sweatshirt of Jakes and some leggings. You head downstairs and finish up some mundane tasks that need to be tackled around the house.
Feeling proud of what you’ve accomplished so far with this first trimester nausea, you decide to surprise Jake with one of his favorite recipes of yours. Although it may not have the same comfort as Karen’s cooking, you hope this alleviates him of some stress anyway.
Sliding on some shoes , grabbing your purse and keys you make your way out to round up some last minute ingredients. You make your laps around the store collecting your items for supper. On your way home you hear a buzzing sounding from inside your bag. You pick up the device and see Joshua in big letters across the screen. Bringing the phone to your ear you greet the curly headed boy.
“Hello?” You call into the phone.
“Hey y/n! Jake with you? Daniel and I just got an idea we wanna try out and he hasn’t gotten back to me” he says cheerfully
“Um no…he said he was with you guys this morning” you reply
“Oh wait! Hold on he’s calling me. Call you later! Love you!” He shouts excitedly, dismissing your previous response and hanging up.
Your stomach churns at the thought of Jake lying about where he was. He’s never done it before, why start now? You thought everything was okay now, that he was just as excited to welcome another life into your home as you are. Before the overthinking floods your mind you pull into yours and Jake’s driveway seeing his car already parked out front, a wave of relief washes over you. Maybe he wasn’t lying, maybe he just left early.
You gather the groceries and make your way inside excited to tell him what your plans for the night are. You close the door behind you making your way into the kitchen setting the bags down before heading to your shared bedroom to grab a hair tie.
As you pass his music room you hear him talking on the phone. Assuming it’s still josh you think nothing of it until you hear your name in the conversation. Stopping in your tracks you listen closely to the words being spoken. Any other day you would have respected his privacy but your gut was telling you to tune in on whatever this convo may be about. Pressing your ear against the door frame you hear
“…It’s been so shit josh, I’m torn. Theres been this weird tension that i know I’m probably the cause of because she’s been nothing but patient and understanding with me but the arguments have been multiplying and I don’t even know if i can continue on, i feel so guilty” you feel a sinking feeling in your gut as tears well in your eyes. It’s silent for a moment, assuming josh is speaking on the other end. Your interest is piqued again as Jake continues on.
“It was fun because we were young. She’s so incredibly special to me, you have no idea but we’re not even married and we weren’t planning on it anytime soon we wanted to continue traveling and experimenting with each other. I’ve loved her for so long it feels like i need to experience more, something different. I didn’t think I’d have to settle down so soon. I don’t know man. Is this even right for me anymore? Am i even cut out to be a dad? I thought i wanted this with her and only her but we’re gone for so long out of the year Josh. It’s becoming overbearing almost. I need space from her to think things through but she’s always there, a dreadful reminder of the mistake we made.” He exclaims.
“It feels like I’m only with her for the baby.” He finishes.
You hear a heavy sigh before prying your ears away, not bearing another second as it feels as though you’ve been sucker punched in the gut.
A mistake? After all the time you two have spent together and now the only thing seemingly holding you two together, is the baby? Why couldn’t he have voiced these thoughts earlier? If he wanted space to think about things you would’ve worked something out.
Now letting the tears fall freely, you start blaming yourself for not noticing the signs earlier and thinking how you could’ve prevented this. Was this a mistake? 5 almost 6 years and not once did you think your Jake would tear your heart in two like this. Especially now that you’re carrying the undeniable manifestation of your guy’s love.
The tears now flowing ten fold, you’re broken from your thoughts as the door swings open. Jakes eyes go from frightened to apologetic. His facial expression now long and sorrowful seeing your tear stained cheeks. He just stares at you for a moment, unsure of what to say.
“How long have you been here?” He says weakly
“Long enough.” You quipped. “Have all the space you desire, Jacob.” You say as you angrily wipe the tears from your face.
Turning on your heel you head into your bedroom to frantically pack your bags as what once were the walls of your home, comforting and inviting… now suffocating. Jake is hot on your heels spewing out apologies a mile a minute. Your head is everywhere but here, a million thoughts circling your brain as you focus on grounding yourself.
Choked sobs escape your mouth as you realize this sick twisted nightmare is real and the only person you longed to share a family with is rejecting that reality. How foolish of you to believe your rockstar boyfriend would want to settle down so early with you. Sure it was poor timing but you thought your love was stronger than that. Maybe he didn’t love you as much as you thought he did, at least not anymore.
“Baby please say something i didnt mean it, I don’t know what i was saying.” He tries reaching for your hand. As you pry away from his grasp, his own eyes well up.
‘You know full well what you were saying, Jacob Thomas.” You reply your voice laced with venom as you slam the bedroom door in his face, locking it. You sit on the edge of his side of the bed just letting the sobs wrack through your body, hands smoothing over the barely there bump forming. Jake sits just opposite of the door listening in hoping he could find the right words to fix this.
He knows he was being melodramatic, he loves you how every fish in the sea loves water. You were his air, consuming his lungs like an aching necessity. He loves you like dry ground loves rain, just waiting to be basked in the showers of your outpouring affection. He loves you like all the stars and the moon love the night sky, as though you were home to him… as if it was natural to love you. Like there was no other being on this earth that was made to love him how you do. You were molded for him and he was mindless to not realize the immense amount of luck he had in being able to call you his. He struck gold and paid it no mind.
Dread now filling his every muscle, his throat closing as he realizes the severity of his actions. He hears ur pained cries muffled through the door and desperately wishes he could take it all back.
“Baby please, come on.. i know there’s no excuse just let me fix this…. Please” he chokes out meekly. He steps back surprised as the door swings open, a duffel bag of your necessities slung over your shoulder. You see the hurt flash across his eyes as he makes eye contact, a silent plea to hear him out once he realizes what’s happening.
“Enough Jake. Don’t sit here and feel sorry for yourself. Enlighten me, if i hadn’t heard that conversation would you have come back out as though everything was normal. A blatant lie to my face. Were you gonna voice this to me at all? Instead I’m being labeled to ur brother as a “dreadful reminder”. If you’re only with me for the baby Jake…” you look down taking a deep breath trying to tame the aching lump in your throat before you continue on.
“I’ve made the decision for you. I need space.” you finish, swiftly pushing past him.
“No no no no no..” he starts hot on your trail
“Im not just with you for the baby, y/n. You mean so much more to me than that i- i was being stupid and selfish and i got caught up in my own personal fears it blinded me to the gift right of front of me. I swear y/n i was speaking out of my ass the arguments have been getting to me and I felt the lack of emotional intimacy i thought we were done for. When i came home the day we found out, I had been planning on talking to you about it. We lost our spark and i lost my motivation to try. And then seeing those tests i just freaked, i mean… can you blame me? This is fucking scary y/n!” You stared at him in silence taking in what he had to say, carefully calculating your response.
“I understand its scary, you forget I’m the one carrying it as well. You don’t think i feel guilty for essentially putting a pause on your career? And with these newfound hormones this is incredibly nerve-wracking especially with the lack of your emotional support! we’re supposed to be in this together! And you’ve done nothing but treat me as if we haven’t spent the last 5 long years of our life in unison Jacob! Do you know how frustrating it is to fall asleep every night next to a man who barely acknowledges your presence?! The person you fucking love completely dismissing your existence like I’m some fucking burden! You have no idea the fear that ran through my body seeing those tests in the midst of….. whatever the fuck this is!!” You exclaim waving your arms around gesturing to the now broken home. Tears now cascading endlessly down your face. You take a deep breath to collect yourself seeing how you’ve let your emotions overpower the logic needed right now.
“….that was just another level of low Jacob. You’re not you. I think we need time” you continue on teary-eyed. Voice weak from the amount of crying you’ve done tonight.
You hear him calling out for you but its all muffled by the heart-shattering sound of your world seemingly crashing down around you. Tears well in your eyes as you turn to see a heartbroken, disheveled jake standing before you pleading you not to go.
‘I love you, always will.” is the last thing you say before Jakes walls come tumbling down by the sound of the door slamming shut, tears clouding his vision.
“How selfish can you be?” he thinks to himself, rubbing his face in distress.
Cracking open a bottle of whiskey he pads into the kitchen seeing all the ingredients laid out for what would’ve been his favorite dinner. Untouched.. just lying there, a dreadful reminder of the detrimental effect of his actions. He falls asleep drunkenly on the kitchen floor that night, longing for your love and warmth to consume him again.
Fin.
#greta van fleet imagine#greta van fleet#gvf fic#jake kiszka#jake kiszka angst#jake kiszka smut#jacob thomas kiszka#josh kiszka#greta van fleet fan fiction#jake gvf#greta van angst#jake kiszka x reader#greta van fic#gvf smut#daniel wagner#sam kiszka#dreadful reminders#gretavanbrie#Jake kiszka fic#jake kiszka fanfiction#jake kiszka fanfic#angst#hurt#jake x reader#gvf imagines#jake kiszka fluff
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also its really frustrating that despite radical feminism being so misportrayed in the mainstream, many people on here wont take 2 seconds to think about what you mean by tradfem and automatically assume the worst caricatured sexist version possible. whereas i hve seen lots of content on here that technically follows under tradfem that centers on women setting standards and boundaries on the men they allow in their lives, refusing sexualization, enjoying traditionally female roles but the ones that are actually valuable work (childrearing, cooking, sewing etc.) not stupid pornified stuff. like does it suck that for centuries women were forced into those roles? duh! but there is also so much valuable female knowledge there, it is a sphere where women worked together and apart from men and i totally get not being interested in it but its sad to see it disregarded just bc of its origins. anyways sorry to rant in your inbox. i just really Felt ur post lol
also its really frustrating that despite radical feminism being so misportrayed in the mainstream, many people on here wont take 2 seconds to think about what you mean by tradfem and automatically assume the worst caricatured sexist version possible.
Exactly!! Like it seems like tradfem seems to be a trigger word to them and it sends the worst to me. Like all I want is a good partner who will take care of me, and a house to turn into a home. Which is like very traditional, you know? I just want to serve the creator, and have a simple life, which shouldn't piss people off but I digress. Like I grew up with a stay at home mother, and that was a hot mess for many many reasons which is why I was very very hyper independent until recently. Like it was a trauma response and honestly I am too mentally ill to be that independent. Like I function better when being take care of by a lover. And honestly I cannot wait for the day I am married and am able to dotted on my future spouse and create a home full of love happiness and laughter with them.
whereas i hve seen lots of content on here that technically follows under tradfem that centers on women setting standards and boundaries on the men they allow in their lives, refusing sexualization, enjoying traditionally female roles but the ones that are actually valuable work (childrearing, cooking, sewing etc.) not stupid pornified stuff.
Like honestly, if you want me to get religious on main. In both Judaism and Islam, there is religious law that basically protects and gives women rights, which in the middle ages and up til recently in human history it was extremely progressive. Like in both religious, if you, the woman, are not sexually satisfied with your husband you can divorce him!! Along with that, in Islam, his money is your money, and he cannot touch your money if you decide to work; Judaism has similar protections. Which is partly why I like dating Jewish or Muslim men cause they seem to treat me better than secular non religious men. But I will say if I am not nearly as religious as them, they can become cunts so it is a double edged sword. But when it comes to like women's work I personally prefer childrearing and cooking way better than other stuff, like i plan to get more college degrees but it is just to give myself more credentials for my writing and cause the thought of being a children's librarian sounds so lovely. Because children's media is a special interest of mine and i love talking/studying it!! Also now that I think of it the fact they instantly think of the pornified shit just proves they are really into black and white thinking and probably have some shit they need to work out tbh.
like does it suck that for centuries women were forced into those roles? duh! but there is also so much valuable female knowledge there, it is a sphere where women worked together and apart from men and i totally get not being interested in it but its sad to see it disregarded just bc of its origins.
Exactly!! Like I would never want anyone to be forced to do anything they didn't want to. Like this world needs all kinds of wonderful personalities and people who specialize in all kinds of different work. Personally I just want to be a role model for children who come from the background I did to show them it gets better. While advocating for better rights for both children and women. Just because I want to be more traditional in my work doesn't make me bad or good. It is just a neutral quality you know. The only reason it so demonized by both males and radfems is because it is gendered as female. Which is straight up sexism imho.
anyways sorry to rant in your inbox. i just really Felt ur post lol
don't be sorry!! I loved reading this and glad someone else feels the same way dear!! Love and power to you <3
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I posted 12,237 times in 2022
That's 3,423 more posts than 2021!
250 posts created (2%)
11,987 posts reblogged (98%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@ /edge-lorde
@ /hannahblock
@ /utopians
@ /megatronismegagone
@ /tezzbo
I tagged 1,341 of my posts in 2022
#horse.txt - 128 posts
#wizardposting - 38 posts
#vent // - 22 posts
#six eared macaque - 9 posts
#man - 8 posts
#sun wukong - 8 posts
#jttw - 7 posts
#please - 7 posts
#yeah - 7 posts
#jackart - 6 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#this design was kinda thrown together randomly but im ngl. kinda digging it. i see you with that little ponytail sir i see you i see you 💅
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
If Empires s2 Mythical J. Sausage was a romance trope. He would be a purebred Manic Pixie Dream Girl.
Tell me this isn't some Grade A, Typical Sausage Behavior.
Tell me it's not. You can't.
21 notes - Posted November 29, 2022
#4
I seriously cant stop thinking about the six eared macaque like this is a Problem. Just the whole PREMISE behind the character. Like on a basic literary device level hes just a glassic evil twin/doppleganger--he exists in the story of the Journey to the West to be a metaphor for all of SWK's worst traits and impulses--hes what SWK could be if he wasn't actually trying (at least a little bit) to be a good Buddhist on this taxing roadtrip to India with his companions. They are repeatedly described by the Buddhist concept "being of two minds" (one being baser/simple/the one youre Born with, and the other more. Conceptual and heightened but to a negative degree, i suppose? The translations im looking at rn are rather vague but thats ok i get the feeling its kinda meant to be), and SWK killing him can be interpreted as him finally surpassing as well as accepting those darker parts of himself, and melding his two minds into One. So like the SEM EXISTS to further SWK as a character, obviously.
BUT. HES ALSO GOT ALL THIS OTHER SHIT GOING ON THAT ISNT NECESSARY RELATED TO HIS CONNECTION TO SWK????
Like the fucking six ears! I feel like im going crazy im just repeating the same shit over and over but i seriously CANNOT get over the implications of how his powers of hearing are defined. LIKE
KNOWLEDGE OF PAST AND FUTURE? COMPREHENSION OF ALL THINGS??? AM I FUCKING MISSING SOMETHING HERE??????
The absolute fucking TRAGEDY of the sux eared macaque being set up with these INCREDIBLE powers and existing in name as a play on a very interesting phrase (“The dharma is not to be transmitted to the sixth ear [i.e., the third pair or person]” (fa bu zhuan liu er, 法不傳六耳)), ONLY TO THEN BE LIMITED TO EXISTING SOLELY FOR SWK'S BENEFIT. And the consequence of him trying to OWN this connection by taking SWK's title and completing the Journey on his own is. Being fucking murdered.
Literally rolling around and flailing violently on the floor. What the FUCK man.
24 notes - Posted November 9, 2022
#3
I really need a name for this au. Anyway i nailed down their color schemes (flats and some character design-y thoughts notes below)
Aw man im really about to go in on this here, ok--ill stick to just design stuff and a bit of Their Deal^tm for now! ill explain the au in full some other day, with a more polished drawing.
Alright so. I am still doing research, its ongoing, but i think ive decided that, in this au, their relationship is something more akin to... in a past life they were the same, but for spiritual development reasons, the qi that made That person split, and went on to reincarnate as Them--narratively this is going to make them function like. Just normal Foils lmao--just with an added umph of it being somewhat literal for them, in the scope of their world, if that makes sense! I dont want to put myself in the box of calling them brothers, bc it just irritates me, but they are Not going to be romantically involved in this au either--SWK has enough trouble in his weirdly uneventful but still tumultuous love life as it is (👀 at Erlang and ZBJ), im not going to torment him by adding his evil clone to that list LMAO. Also LEMH aromantic as hell bc i said so.
Also their both trans thats very super important. Trans monkeys forever obviously
Anyway, So theyre still sort of "the same person", yet not, as they had still Never properly met (until Liu'er chapter)--their both incredibly similar and incredibly different, due to the imbalance of the energies within them and the actions they took for the majority of their lives. SWK is the yang, extroverted and bold and destructive and take-no-shit, while LEMH is the yin, (at least in this story) by being reclusive and a bit of a pushover for the longest time--the, erm.... Outburst, being the result of built up resentment and imbalance within himself spurning him to overcompensate for what he was lacking. It's kind of complicated and intricate and i like it that way if describing it is kind of rough Pfft--but anyway!
Point is, i wanted ALLLL that to be reflected in their designs by giving them plenty of Contrasting but Complimentary, and even sometimes juxtaposed details! The incorrect yin yang belt buckles/brooches are the most obvious one i think, next to the general warm vs. cold color palettes--then there's Liu'er being shirtless and with shorter hair, just to bring a sense of masculinity into his appearance, counterbalancing the fact that he's otherwise very feminine and in line with his Yin nature. Id say i made SWK's hair longer for the same kind of reason, but given that long hair isnt seen as inherently feminine, mileage can vary on that--if one reads it that way then yay, fun detail, and if not, then you still get to be looking as a SWK with long hair, and thats always a win in and of itself.
The red parts of their face are also matching--SWK's making up the over eye and LEMH's the under eye, to visually indicate the "this is the same person split in two" dealio. I also tried to make SWK appear a bit more Rounded and Soft, curving his cheek tuffs and little beard In a bit more (belying a gentler nature and other. Yknow, Round thoughts underneath his theatricality (contrasting with his yang-ish behavior), while LEMH's is sharp and feathered out (bringing to mind hostility and action and other Sharp thoughts, equally in contrast with his usually yin-ish nature).
They were initially going to both have the fillets on their heads, for reasons Like the ones above, but without a shirt Liu'er torso was feeling empty and i felt like he needed something to break up the grey of his fur--so, necklace. Hes bouta get choked tf out dont worry about it ❤
Uhhh thats all i can think of writing down right now, feel free to let me know if any of it is kind of Eh, constructive criticism and all that--if you saw any typos no you didnt, thank you for coming to my ted talk and have a groovy day
27 notes - Posted December 2, 2022
#2
Thinking about au where Liu'er joins them on the journey to the west instead of being killed immediately..... something something swk denying himself and begging the Buddha to destroy SEM for him but obviously he wont because thats Him thats His vices personified its His responsibility so now. Hes being forced to confront his worst self on the daily in order to learn to accept and control it.
Something something swk turning to Tang with bags under his eyes after stopping SEM from doing something Awful and asking "was i really this difficult when we first started out?"
63 notes - Posted November 11, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
I have so many fucking. Posts i want to redraw as Them. But for now all i have is. Zhu Bajie.
284 notes - Posted November 25, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#Incredible.... zbj taking my blogs credibility to the next level#Thanks sir
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let me just say that I am in LOVE with your post-canon concept, I've practically accepted it as my own canon at this point. it's got the best of both worlds: the tragedy of our jmart dying as mysteries, and the hopefulness of the two of them being able to live on (sort of) after the apocalypse. and how it still sets the scene to allow most characters to meet despite the fact the institute doesn't exist? ugh it's so good. I'm excited to see anything else you produce for it!
thecreepybunny:
please please please please make your post canon au into a fic please please please i love it so much i need to know where it goes
I’m not planning to really write a full on fic for it, (but anyone who wants to write/post/make content etc for it is more than welcome to!) If you want some closure on where this concept might go, here’s my take:
After the convention, Jon, Martin, Melanie and Georgie form an unofficial club based on the mystery.
Slowly, as more tapes are restored, more of the canon story is revealed to the four of them. But it’s all very strange and out of order. Chunks of random statements and supplemental notes are thrown in alongside tense confrontations at gunpoint. It’s confusing on several levels.
The four of them try to research places and hunt down people who seem to be involved, with mixed success. Some people they can’t find at all. Others are easy enough to find, but have no interest in going any deeper with it. The only three who show any real interest are Sasha James, Jane Prentiss, and to a lesser extent Oliver Banks (who works in the same new age shop as Jane.)
(Yes the worm woman is one of the most active participants in this search, and no Tim isn’t. It’s just what makes sense to me with their respective lives and personalities.)
It eventually becomes a little group that’s ostensibly centered around this one paranormal subject, but is kind of just a nice social circle. Melanie and Georgie really hit it off and eventually start dating. Martin gets a lot out of having an actual friend group, and it gets Jon out seeing people more, which he likes.
(Maybe Tim pokes his head in here and there for the social aspect, because I like Tim.)
They slowly piece what seems like more of a coherent story together, getting plenty of things wrong and reacting amusingly and/or painfully to various developments.
Obviously Jon and Martin fall for each other over time. But neither of them can stop thinking about the bodies and what it all means. Time travel is still the prevailing theory in the group, and it’s hard not to wonder if this is their future. Both of them have too much anxiety about the possibilities and about each other and themselves to act on their feelings.
It’s less of a “mutual pining because I don’t think the other person likes me” situation, more of a “mutual pining because we both have a thing for each other but we’re terrified of the idea of us dating for existential reasons” one.
Eventually the group has assembled audio clips that piece together about a quarter of the canon story, but there’s very little tape left (a lot was completely burnt up or otherwise missing.)
By this point, they’ve passed the hat and gotten the remaining tape at some weird paranormal auction. Georgie and Melanie use their connections to get some equipment, Oliver and Jane learn tricks for restoring magnetic tape.
Eventually, Oliver calls both Jon and Martin up and asks them to meet at his flat. When they arrive he gives them a single cassette and a handheld tape player. Explains he’s finished restoring all the remaining audio, and he made a copy especially for them. He’s very vague but says that it’s pretty heavy, and he wants them to be the first in the group to hear it.
(Yes it’s Oliver who gives them this tape, specifically for maximum doom-prophet appropriateness.)
They leave feeling ill at ease . . . they’d have expected Oliver to be excited about something like this, but he’d seemed grim and uncertain when he handed over the tape. They make some excuse to listen to it later, say they’ll take care of some errands or something then go back to one of their places and listen afterwards, so they can give it their full attention.
They run their errands and oh, look, there’s a street festival or something why don’t they just go look at that definitely not as an excuse to put off listening to the tape they’re afraid to listen to, etc, etc. The day goes by with them going from one distraction to another. Moments of enjoying each other’s company laced with the anxiety they’re both pushing down.
Eventually they end up in a park. The sun’s going down. It’s getting harder and harder to put this off.
Martin points out they could just get rid of it. Throw it in a bin and walk away. Jon points out that Oliver will doubtlessly still share it with the others, and whatever’s on there will be hard to avoid forever. They sit for a while in silence. Finally, Martin’s like -- well, if we’re going to do this, let’s do this.
He’s about to hit play when Jon reaches out and grabs his hand, stopping it before he can press the button. He talks about how strange and frightening and wonderful the months since they met have been, and about not wanting to let fear rule him anymore. About how whatever is on that tape, or in their future, he wants them to face it together.
Music swells, kiss, etc. They both press play together.
IT’S THE ENTIRETY OF MAG 200, FROM START TO FINISH. KER-PRANKED!
In one fell swoop they learn 1) it isn’t time travel 2) what caused all the nightmarish events they heard about on those tapes 3) that those same forces are now in their universe 4) that their alternate selves brought them there, and 5) the emotionally heartwrenching end those alternate selves reached.
They look at one another, and grip each others hands tightly. They look up at the night sky, which suddenly seems deeper, darker, and more foreboding than it ever has before.
And for a moment, both of them swear it’s looking back.
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Late at Night /// Nanami x f!Reader /// (+18)
Summary: During a class trip to Hokkaido, you find yourself stuck in the same bed with Nanami which leads to some late night events unexpected events :0
Length: 4.5k
Tags & Warnings: Teacher x Student (Reader is 18), exhibitionism (kind of), voyeurism (kind of), fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, stupid “same bed” cliché, praise (kind of)
Authors Note: Hey everyone, I just wanted to let you all know that this the first fic that I’ve ever written and I hope you enjoy! I’m hoping to keep writing and posting more fics to this blog in the future for Jujutsu Kaisen, Haikyuu, and maybe some other fandoms. Anyways, thanks for reading and sorry for any spelling mistakes :) Oh, also there might be a part 2 for this??? idk, ill decide later on, not sure what direction I wanna take it in
The sound of the bus coming to a halt was what woke you up from your long and uncomfortable nap. You opened your bleary eyes to find the rest of the students in your class beginning to stand up and climb out into the cold and snowy outside. It had been a long trip, about eight hours and during that time almost everyone had fallen asleep. You had all left at eleven in Tokyo and due to being so far North, the sun had already set outside despite it only being seven. You picked up your backpack from where it was shoved underneath the seat in front of you and let out a sigh about having to get up and stretch your stiff legs.
As you filed into the line, you were greeted by a large slap on your back, “Hey Y/N, how’d ya sleep?” Nobara asked, giving you one of her signature grins.
“Fine,” you said rubbing your eyes, “though I can’t say that the bus window made a very comfortable pillow.”
“Well good thing we’ll be able to sleep soon. Hopefully, Gojou will put us together and won’t ruin our fun,” She said with a wink, receiving a small chuckle from you. Two weeks prior to the trip, Nobara had spent most of her time devising a plan to prank Itadori and Megumi while they were asleep. You knew she was counting on you to help her out with it, but you were a little unsure if you wanted to risk getting caught and excluded from the rest of the trip in order to fulfill one of her silly ideas.
Once everyone finally piled out of the bus, you were all led into the Dining Hall for a nice hot meal, a welcomed contrast to the freezing temperatures outside. You had never been to Hokkaido before and both the piles of white fluffy snow and the different array of hot soups and curries were new and exciting to experience. Dinner was overall jovial and chaotic, you sat with Itadori, Nobara, Todo, and Maki and you had all had a good time arguing about what activities you wanted to do in the next few days and which dish was the best. By the time dinner was over, you felt completely stuffed. During the course of the mea, you had eaten almost everything you could get your hands on and now felt more ready than ever to go to bed despite already sleeping on the bus.
Everyone was piled into the main lounge area of the dorm building to be sorted into rooms. You could see students shifting around trying to get closer together and counting the number of people between them to try and be spaced together. From the edge of the room, Nobara was making aggressive eye contact with you and beckoning you to come over, which you quickly did in hopes that you wouldn’t be stuck in a room with people you didn’t know.
At the front of the room, Gojou stood up and clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Now everyone, as you probably know, there are going to be four people per dorm, no more, no less during the duration of our trip. In every room, there is going to be one chaperone and three students. There are only two beds per room, so you will have to share with somebody else or choose to sleep on the floor, it’s up to you. And finally, to your displeasure, we have already assigned who is going to be in what rooms.”
That final sentence caused a groan to come from the student body along with sounds of protest and arguing. Gojou ignored this though and pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper and began to read names off of them. Students all began to pick up their stuff and head to their dorms as they were called out, and as you all listened Nobara let out a groan as she was sent to a room with Inumaki, Panda, and Mei Mei. You waited on the floor still surveying who else you might be put with. The number of students in the room was dwindling and most of your friends had already been taken which sent a pang of worry into your gut.
“... and in room 6 there will be Itadori, Megumi, Y/N, and Nanami,” Gojou said. A momentary wave of relief washed over you after hearing that, you knew Megumi and Idatori semi-well, so it wouldn’t be too awkward of a time, but that feeling quickly dissipated as you remembered you were with Nanami. It was a well-known fact that about ninety percent of the female population found him attractive, and you couldn’t be excluded from that group. The pieces of the puzzle quickly snapped into place as you thought more about the room situation. You were the only girl in the group, which meant that there was no way in hell that they would be letting Itadori or Megumi share a bed with you.
You would be sleeping right next to Nanami. For the next four nights.
The walk to the room was only a chance for you to get more and more anxious as you thought about the upcoming events. Megumi and Itadori were cheerfully chatting in front of you, occasionally turning back to include you in the conversation or make a joke, but it didn’t help with the looming feeling of Nanami behind you.
You all arrived in the room and Itadori immediately jumped on the bed, messing up the sheets and knocking off one of the pillows, earning a sigh and displeased look from Megumi. Despite your nerves, you plastered a neutral expression on your face and tentatively walked over to the second bed in the room, setting your bag down and sitting down on the squishy mattress.
At this point, Itadori and Megumi were starting to argue, Megumi saying that he wouldn’t be able to sleep next to him if he was going to take up that much room while Itadori was doing his best to stretch all his limbs out across the full length of the bed. You pulled out your phone and tried your best to look busy. It wasn’t quite time for lights-out, but you still felt a bit nervous starting to unpack in a room full of guys, especially with one that made your heart race.
Nanami, in his typical fashion, had not said anything since being assigned to the rooms. You felt him sit down on the other side of the bed and saw that he was beginning to unpack out of the corner of your eye. You shouldn’t be so nervous, nobody else is, after all, Nanami was just going to be sleeping next to you, you had stood that close to him before on other occasions. It still felt different though… You quickly shut those thoughts out of your head as soon as they came in. He was your teacher, you shouldn’t be thinking that way.
To distract yourself, you unzipped your bag to go and look for your pajamas and toothbrush. You had packed a mix of cold and warm clothing for your trip considering you would be traveling all over the place, but you soon realized you had made a mistake with your pajamas. You pulled out the green shorts and tank top you had packed without much thought, despite never feeling this way about them before, you now felt that they might be a little too revealing for sleeping in a room full of guys.
You shoved the top back into your bag and opted for a t-shirt instead, which helped you feel a little less nervous about your situation. In order to get out of the room, and to hopefully talk to Nobara, you rushed into the girl’s bathrooms and let out a relieved sigh. This trip was going to be a difficult one to get through.
You quickly got changed in a stall and spent a large portion of time afterward talking with the other girls in the room. Many of them were complaining about who they got put in a room with while others were whining about not getting to stay with Gojou. Apparently, Momo was the lucky girl of the night who got to room with Gogou, Todo, and Mechamaru, but she didn’t seem to have much interest in her good fortune. Finally, Nobara slammed open the door to the girl’s bathroom and made her way over to you.
“I can’t believe this stroke of luck, you got a room with both Itadori and Megumi, that’ll be perfect,” She said with a devious grin on her face.
“I’m not really sure, do we really wanna risk the rest of the trip?” You said, trying your best to calm Nobara’s excitement.
“It’ll be fine, don’t worry. Plus, we can wait until the last day too, then they’ll have their guard down too,” she stated, nudging you in the arm after. You continued to happily chat with the rest of the girls and avoid going back to your room for a good half an hour, but, as expected, you heard Gojou come down the hall announcing that it was five minutes until lights-out. Most of the girls quickly began packing up their stuff and rushing out of the bathroom to not get in trouble and you figured you should do the same.
When you walked back to your room and pushed open the cracked door you were quickly confronted with your nerves coming back and a hyper Itadori. Megumi was in bed doing his best to read a book while Itadori was bugging him through multiple various and loud methods. You went back to your side of the bed and put your toothbrush and skincare away, laser focusing your eyes on anything that wasn’t Nanami.
The five minutes that you had before bedtime seemed to be over before you could even process it. For the first time that night, at least to your knowledge, Nanami finally said something, “Alright boys and Y/N, lights out.” Which earned a complaint from Itadori and caused Megumi to quickly jump up and shut off the lights, eager to have a chance to get away from him. You could see Itadori and Megumi start to bicker about the blankets and “staying on your side of the bed” as you pulled back the covers and crawled in between the blanket and the sheets. The bed was warm from the thick layered blankets on top and the fuzzy fabric it was made out of and as soon as you sank into it, your tiredness from the long day hit you like a brick. Despite that though, you still went stiff when you felt the bed shift from Nanami laying down next to you.
“If I steal all the blankets during the night feel free to take them back.” He said, making you jump and answer with a quick “Okay.”
Even after Itadori and Megumi had finally settled down you still couldn’t completely calm down. You were making sure to stay on the very edge of the bed to not accidentally make contact with Nanami, but it wasn’t a comfortable position. You thought he might be asleep already but you weren’t entirely sure, he hadn’t moved much from his original position either. You could hear Itadori’s snores from across the room and the constant shifting of Megumi who was currently covering his head to try and drown it out. After a while though, you finally felt yourself begin to drift into sleep, and you welcomed it.
It was the middle of the night. You don’t know what woke you up but you found yourself disturbed and rubbing your eyes in the pitch-black room. As your eyes were beginning to adjust though, you immediately froze. You found yourself facing the chest of Nanami with his arm under your head, you must have rolled over at some point in the night putting you right next to him.
The slight smell of aftershave filled your nose and you could hear him gently breathing with the rise and fall of his chest, he must be fast asleep. The loud snores of Itadori still echoed through the room but all you could concentrate on was the man in front of you. You had never been this close to him before, or anyone before, and your heart felt like it was about the burst out of your chest. You wouldn’t dare move in fear of waking him up and making the situation awkward, so you stayed frozen in your spot trying not to shake.
You couldn’t deny that you had thought about things like this before, the thought of being so close to him, having him touch you, and being able to feel him under your hands, but the prospect of having it actually happen was just too anxiety-inducing. You could feel your face going red as you thought about all the dirty things you had done before, and you felt a slight twinge between your legs.
You couldn’t. Could you? You hated the thought as soon as it entered your head, but that didn’t stop your hand from creeping between your legs and resting on your stomach. It was so wrong, he was your teacher, he was nine years older than you, but you didn’t want to stop. You would probably never get a chance like this ever again. You could even promise yourself to sleep on the floor the next three nights, but just this once, you wanted to risk it.
Your fingers crept down under the waistband of your shorts and panties and dipped into the slick folds between your legs. You tentatively put two fingers inside, never taking your eyes off of Nanami’s face, and began to pump them in and out. Your thumb found its place on your clit which you began to rub circles on. The sudden feeling of having your clit touched was enough to make you clamp your other hand over your mouth to try and quiet your breathing. Your first priority had to be staying silent.
You could feel your eyes beginning to half close as you gave into the pleasure, and they drifted down to look at Nanami’s chest and the sculpted muscles under his shirt. You began to move your fingers faster feeling your release on its way and you held your hand tighter to your mouth as your head became fuzzy. Small whimpers were beginning to slip out of your throat and you could feel your movements getting sloppier as you continued to speed up.
A hand wrapped around your wrist, stilling your hand.
You froze, eyes shooting open to find Nanami looking down at you with a weary expression. You opened your mouth to say something but nothing came out. Your brain was in a frenzy, you wanted to just evaporate into thin air or die on the spot, but you couldn’t do anything.
“What are you doing?” He asked with no hint of emotion in his voice.
“I-I’m sorry-- I--,” you couldn’t spit the words out, truthfully you couldn’t even think of what to say. You were caught red-handed and you didn’t think you would ever be able to make yourself forget the embarrassment you felt at this exact moment.
“Do you normally do this when you’re put next to your teachers?”
“No, I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’ll leave--” you stuttered out, trying your best to make the situation end as quickly as possible.
“So this is a special occasion then?” He asked, holding your gaze and not releasing your arm.
“N-No--”
“Which is it then? Do you normally do this or is this a one-time thing?” He said, interrupting you before you could spit out another pitiful apology. You tried your best to slow your breathing to get out a coherent answer, but it wasn’t working with the way that Nanami’s eyes were drilling into yours.
“I-Its a one-time thing, I-I’m sorry, I’ll go sleep on the floor,” you said trying to pull your hand out of his grasp but he didn’t let go. You felt sick, you shouldn’t have taken the risk, you knew that the mortification you felt would outweigh the pleasure you got from masturbating if you got caught.
“You’ll be left frustrated then.” He said. Everything he was saying wasn’t registering, all you felt was the panic in your gut and the need to get away as quickly as possible.
“T-That’s fine, I-I don’t care,” you quickly spit out, feeling tears pricking at the corner of your eyes.
“Are you sure...? ...I’d be willing to help,” he said, keeping his voice low as to not wake Itadori and Megumi.
“I--.., w-wait, what?” You said, the meaning of his words finally hitting you.
“I would be willing to help, I don’t want one of my students feeling pent up and unsatisfied.”
“I…” you didn’t know what to say, you were so shocked by the whole situation that the thought of answering was even too much. He pulled your hand up from under your shorts and out into the open where evidence of your actions was clearly visible on your fingers. His gaze dropped back down to your face expecting a response. You opened your mouth to answer before diverting your eyes and opting to give a small nod.
Nanami’s hand landed on your hip and slowly made its way down under the waistband of your shorts while the arm that was under you came down to reach around your back and pull you closer. You could feel his fingers brushing past your stomach as they trailed closer to your dripping wet cunt. Your breath was caught in your throat as you felt everything that was happening, you had to be dreaming, there was no way.
Nanami’s fingers finally reached your entrance and he slipped one inside of you, causing you to let out a small gasp and cling onto his shirt. His fingers were much larger than yours and could reach places that you couldn’t yourself, making you tighten up around him. It was truly torturous as he began to move his finger inside of you, the friction on your tight walls and the adrenaline from the whole situation was enough to make your head fuzzy and cause a small whimper to come out from your sealed lips.
You could feel him pulling you closer as you held onto his shirt and arched your back from the pleasure. He was already going at a gentle and agonizing pace inside of you, but when he added a second finger it was what threw you over the edge into a shaking mess. You were no longer able to control your breathing and keep quiet so you threw a hand over your mouth in order to stifle your moans and whimpers.
“Getting close?” he asked, whispering into your ear making you shiver from the feeling of his breath on your skin.
Without thinking, you whined out, “Y-Yes, b-but I want more, I-I need you inside of me...”
As soon as you said it you knew you had gone too far. Here Nanami was, fingering you and holding you close to help you cum, and you had the audacity to ask for more. His fingers stilled inside of you and you tightened up at the feeling of them sliding out, leaving you empty. Nanami put his hand under your chin and tilted your head up to look him in the eyes.
“Then climb on,” he said, making your eyes widen.
You took your hands away from their place on his shirt and began to unsteadily move yourself on top of him. At that same time, he had his fingers hooked around the waistband of your shorts and thoroughly soaked panties and was pulling them down your legs. You positioned yourself on top of his lap, your thighs on either side of his hips. You had your hands braced firmly on his chest, trying to hold yourself up, but you couldn’t manage sitting up more than a few inches. Under your bare pussy you could feel his hard-on through his pants and you were trying your best to keep your hips still and not grind on him.
His large hands began to pull his pants and boxers down and you lifted your hips to make it easier, but when he had finally removed them you couldn't hide your surprise about his size. Apparently, the look was written all over your face because a hint of a smile was on Nanami’s face and he grabbed your hips to keep you steady.
“You were the one who said you wanted more, sweetheart. You haven’t changed your mind right?”
You dryly swallowed and quickly shook your head no. Even if you were worried about being able to take him, it didn’t mean that you weren’t going to try, especially when one of your wet dreams was playing itself out in real life.
Nanami slid his hands around your hips and under your thighs to help position you above his cock. You could feel yourself beginning to shiver with anticipation just by looking down at what you were going to take in your tight, dripping pussy. The need to be filled up by him was becoming overwhelming and he was taking his sweet time with looking at you and lowering you onto him. When the tip finally touched your entrance you let out a whimper followed up by a pathetic “please.”
“Please what? I wanna hear you say it.” Nanami said, bringing a hand up to stroke your cheek.
“P-Please fuck me, I-I wanna be filled up so badly,” you said, your voice barely more than a whisper. Finally, you felt him start to enter you, your walls painfully stretching to accommodate his size, and you weren’t able to stifle the high-pitched moan that escaped your lips when it happened. Your vision was getting blurry and your arms lost the strength to hold you up anymore, causing your head to smack into his chest. You heard Nanami curse at the loud noise you made and you felt his fingers force their way into your mouth and down your throat, forcing you to keep quiet. He continued to push your hips down onto him, earning a few whimpers and causing you to grip onto his arm. Despite your heavy breathing, he didn’t give you much time to adjust to his size, you could feel the painful sensation of him pressing up against your cervix as he held you down along with the feeling of your slick beginning to coat both of your thighs.
His grip tightened on your ass as he began to lift you up and down, you tried your best to help by moving your hips but you didn’t have much strength left in your legs after being so close to cumming earlier. The feeling of him stretching you out and rubbing against your slick insides would have ordinarily caused you to make moans that could be heard through the walls, but the combined force of using all your willpower and having two fingers shoved down your throat was enough to reduce your noises to just quick and heavy breathing. The wet sound of you bouncing on his dick was the only noise that could be heard throughout the room and it was enough to make you tighten up around him, causing Nanami to shut his eyes and get a concentrated look on his face.
In a hushed and deep voice, Nanami asked, “Can you keep quiet sweetheart?” which you quickly nodded to. As soon as he had removed his fingers from your mouth, leaving a trail of saliva behind, your hand was back over your mouth and you were biting your lip hard enough to draw blood. His free hand brushed a piece of your hair behind your ear before making its way under your shirt. You felt him grab your chest and begin to pinch your nipple between his middle and index finger, making your job of staying quiet much harder than before. The feeling of having your chest played with sent waves of pleasure down to your crotch, only causing you to feel yourself get wetter and closer to orgasm. The pace he was fucking you at wasn’t ruthless, but it was slow and powerful enough to make you feel your release building up inside of you, every thrust made it a challenge for you to hold on and not completely give in. You could feel that he was close too, his movements were getting more erratic and you could see the sheen of sweat on his face in the dim light of the window.
You took your free hand and moved it up to his face, brushing your fingers past his cheek and sliding them into his hair. You didn't feel like you would be able to hold on much longer and your eyes began to cross as you let yourself fully give in.
“Cum with me sweetheart, okay?” He said, looking up at you through lowered eyelids. You nodded with what little energy you could and prepared yourself for what was next. His hand moved from its spot on your chest and went down to help fuck you faster on his dick. The pace quickly picked up and you could feel that your pussy was going to be bruised in the morning from how hard he was going. He reached his thumb down to your clit and began to move it in circles like you were doing before, causing you to gasp and grip onto the hair that was in your hand.
It took all your effort to keep in your moans and whimpers as you reached your climax, feeling your cunt spasm around him and the words “good girl” falling from his lips. Your vision went blurry as he continued to fuck you through your orgasm and cum inside you, filling you up with his hot sticky liquid.
When you regained your focus, you were both a gasping and sweaty mess under the covers. His hands had moved to rest around your back and hold you against him and his cock was still sheathed inside of you. You didn’t have any energy to move and simply let your arms fall limp on the bed, savoring the afterglow and the feeling of his cum starting to drip out of you.
You felt immensely tired and could feel your eyelids wanting to close. You felt Nanami place a kiss on top of you head which caused a faint smile to form on your lips and you wrapped your arms around him, ready to fall asleep exactly where you were resting on top of him.
As you gave one last look around the room though, the last thing you saw before you drifted to sleep was Itadori staring at you wide eyed from the other bed.
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Hi Steph! reading your blog has become a sort of guilty pleasure for me. Thanks for everything, it’s so clear that you put a lot of time and energy into your content. I was wondering if you have any johnlock fics that feature a particularly well-written or memorable original character? I always love to see how authors integrate their own character creations into johnlock stories!
Hey Nonny!
Ahhhh!! This is a GREAT request, because I like well-written OC’s in fics, so yeah, this is a great list to make. Here’s what I recall from my bookmarks. Please add your own faves, friends!
MEMORABLE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS
Ex by Itsallfine (T, 1,248 w., 1 Ch. || Angsty Fluff, Love Confessions, Coming Out, Exes, First Kiss, Fake Relationship, Getting Outed) – One night, in the midst of their post-case high and on the cusp of something more, John and Sherlock run into John’s ex. His ex-boyfriend.
The Prize We Sought Is Won by deathfrisbees (E, 4,610 w., 1 Ch. || First Time, Mild D/S, Oral, Military Kink, Bottomlock) – Sherlock's in love, or in lust, or both--unfortunately, the object of his affections is not only his completely oblivious flatmate, but said flatmate would probably run screaming into the hills should he find out. John's been invited to a wedding--unfortunately, the groom used to serve under him back in Afghanistan, and requests that John wear a uniform he's honestly not sure he fits into. Unfortunately for both flatmates, Sherlock's got a military kink the size of Kandahar and John wants to know if he actually can fit into this uniform or if his eyes are deceiving him. It goes from there.
Time on my hands by Mildredandbobbin (M, 7,179 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-S3, One Night Stands, Mutual Pining, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Sexual Exploration / Discovery, Desperation, Body Worship) – Virginity’s a construct, a concept—what does losing one’s virginity entail for a gay man anyway? Sherlock wants to fill that particular gap in his knowledge but John won’t, can’t, never will assist and there’s only so much desperately unspoken pining even Sherlock can take.
High and Tight, Soft and Loose by cwb (E, 7,429 w., 1 Ch. || Jealous John, Miscommunications / Misunderstandings, First Kiss / Time, BAMF John, Insecure Sherlock, Clueless Sherlock, POV John, Embarrassed John, Adorable Sherlock, Junk Size, UST / RST) – John pressed the knuckle of his index finger against his mouth and sighed. “So, you're coiled like a spring and ready to be ... sprung?” “If you want to be pedestrian about it, yes.” “Like I said, you should do something about that.” “And like I said, pedestrian. What would you have me do? Take up jogging? Yoga? Oh! Unless you mean –” “I don't mean anything. Let’s drop it.”
Matters of National Security by mistyzeo (E, 8,465 w., 1 Ch. || BAMF John, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Dating, Bisexuality, Arguing, Stupidity, Teasing, First Kiss/Time, Hand Jobs, Frottage, RST, Idiots in Love) – John starts dating a male client of Sherlock's, and Sherlock can't figure out why he's so incensed about it.
High Tide by stardust_made (T, 8,540 w., 1 Ch. || Jealousy, Angst, First Kiss) – A little favour Sherlock stupidly agrees to do for Mycroft leads to John meeting a handsome, affluent man, who is going out of his way to woo him. Sherlock struggles with the situation and with his own reactions to it. Part 1 of The High Tide Series
Iris by slashscribe (E, 11,948 w., 1 Ch. || Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Post-S3) – Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock's perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness.
A Brand of Gold by aquabelacqua (M, 12,757 w., 1 Ch. || Mutual Pining, POV John, Phone Sex, Texting, Masturbation, Long Distance, Drunk Texting) – What am I doing? he wondered. The answer came back at once: Flirting. He let the vital, missing piece snap into place as surely and as cleanly as if it had always been there. He was flirting with Sherlock Holmes.
Twelfth Night by yourdykeinshiningarmor (E, 15,139 w., 5 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Christmas, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Angst & Fluff, BJ’s, Anal) – John is invited to his aunt's Twelfth Night ball. Sherlock offers to attend with him as a friendly face among strangers, but John's family force him to address his true feelings for Sherlock.
Vessel by Rhuia (E, 15,695 w., 1 Ch. || Cancer, Medfic) – That was the surprising bit – the way his doctor said it, eyes shining with sympathy but breathing it out, shifting it off her shoulders and thrusting it onto his, making him take it like an unwanted gift.
A Life Well-Lived by Kate_Lear (E, 20,121 w., 1 Ch. || Original Male Character, Sherlock Woos John, Jealous Sherlock, Reluctant Bi-John, Past Abuse, Insecure John, Reassuring / Caring Sherlock, Protective Sherlock, Understanding Sherlock) – John got scared off men by an abusive past relationship. Sherlock has to try and woo him while not scaring him off with protective possessive rage.
Winter's Delights by Kate_Lear (E, 21,173 w., 1 Ch. || Holmes Family, Christmas, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Bed Sharing, Domestics) – Sherlock takes John home for Christmas to meet the extended Holmes family. Part 1 of Winter's Delights
A Shipless Ocean by myswordfishmind (M, 22,135 w., 4 Ch. || Post-TRF, John has a Kid, Angst, Reunion, Falling in Love, Open Ending) – Ten years after the fall Sherlock goes back to London to find that John no longer lives there. Instead, he resides in a seaside town, a widower, and the father of a seven year old son. Now, Sherlock must struggle with the fact that there may no longer be a place for him in this new world.
Maintaining A Personal Life by Gingerhermit (E, 24,284 w., 6 Ch. || Alternating POV’s, Bisexuality, BAMF!John, Jealous Sherlock, Romance / Drama, Sort-of Case Fic, Peril & Angst, Love Confessions, Toplock, Soft Idiots in Love, Post S3) – Sherlock and John discover some interesting revelations about each other’s sexuality, which lead them both to question the assumptions they've made about one another for years. In the midst of their mutual discoveries, a dangerous psychopath looms on the side-lines who threatens to destroy their new beginning.
26 Pieces by Lanning (E, 28,236 w., 1 Ch. || H/C, Torture, First Time, Happy Ending, Schmoop, Past Abuse) – Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn't simple.
Where Else Would I Be? by cwb (E, 34,910 w., 10 Ch. || Retirementlock, Domestic Fluff, Falling in Love, Parentlock, Fluff and Smut, Reminiscing) – John and Sherlock's five-year-old granddaughter spends the weekend with them in Sussex. Sherlock happily indulges her whims, and John takes care of them while quietly revisiting the past thirty years of their lives together.
Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w., 4 Ch. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara's American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she's also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she's placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.
Nothing to Make a Song About by emmagrant01 (E, 36,833 w., 10 Ch. || Post-TRF, First Time, Reunion, Jealous John, Pining Sherlock, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, Sherlock Has a Boyfriend) – When Sherlock returned from his faked death, John could not forgive him for the deception and broke off their friendship. Ten years later, John returns to London in search of yet another new beginning. Sherlock, not surprisingly, is waiting.
Set in Stone by SilentAuror (E, 39,309 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Wedding, Therapy, Fluff and Angst) – Sherlock and John are back from Ravine Valley and planning their wedding. However, as they move past the trial of the human traffickers, Sherlock can't help but wonder if he's imagining that John is becoming a little distant. Surely he isn't getting cold feet about the wedding... Part 2 of The Ravine Valley series
Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst, Promise of Forever) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.
Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w., 12 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Case Fic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage, Angst, Anal, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Spas / Massages, Shampoo, Jealousy, Fake Relationship) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...
Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”
Albion and the Woodsman by Glenmore (NR [E], 54,437 w., 50 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post S3, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst, Family, Drug Use, Depression, Sherlock POV, Light Humour, Reconnecting, Declarations of Love) – Sherlock and John are devastated after Mary Morstan makes her final moves. Sherlock relapses at the crack house, John walks around the world … and a lot happens in between. Parentlock, in the good way.
Wars We Fought, Things We're Not by blueink3 (M, 55,204 w., 10 Ch. || Post S3 / Post TAB, Parentlock, Fluff & Angst, Kidnapping, Whump, Post-TAB, UST/URT, 3G, Mild Peril, Slow Burn, Couple for a Case, Protective Mycroft, Infant Death Pre-Story, Friends to Lovers) – Five months after John's world has fallen apart, Mycroft sends the consulting detective and his doctor on a case that neither is prepared for.
Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...
The Great Sex Olympics of 221B by XistentialAngst (E, 58,611 w., 10 Ch. || First Time/Kiss, Experiments / Sexual Experimentations, Multi Pairings, Voyeurism) – John Watson thinks Sherlock Holmes should admit that he, Watson, is more of an expert on sex than Sherlock is. But Sherlock refuses to concede the point. He comes up with an experiment plan that will resolve the issue. The results will determine who wins the prize. But sometimes even the best thought-out scientific study has unexpected consequences.
Bridging the Ravine by SilentAuror (E, 58,887 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Couple For a Case, Bed-Sharing, First Times, Confessions, Awkwardness, Sex Trafficking, Massages, Wet T-Shirt Contest, Group Therapy, Past Loss of Child) – Sherlock and John go undercover at Ravine Valley, a therapy centre for same-sex male couples in an investigation into a possible human trafficking ring. As they pose as a couple and fake their way through the therapy sessions for the sake of the case, it quickly becomes difficult to avoid discussing their very real issues. Set roughly six nine months after series 4.
The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...
Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w., 18 Ch. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he's a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover's trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world's highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?
Secrets and Revelations by Hisstah (E, 83,535 w., 9 Ch. || Sentinel / Guides Omegaverse AU || Adventure, Violence, Anal / Oral, Omega!John / Alpha!Sherlock, Case Fic, Politics, Mild DubCon) – Dr John Watson has some major secrets that he's kept from his flatmate, Alpha Sentinel Sherlock Holmes. Now the Sentinel Tower is after him. Can John stay out of their hands until he can reveal his secrets to Sherlock? Part 1 of Secrets and Revelations
Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater / Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?
Maintenance and Repair by patternofdefiance (E, 106,650 w., 71 Ch. || Future AU, Augmentation || Augmented John, Depression, Body Modification, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Sci-Fi, Self-Care, Body Dysmorphia) – John wants to explain the rush of sensation and data, which is just another form of sensation (or is it the other way around?). John wants to say: Augmentation circuits report temperature, pressure, various forms of quantitative input. Sudden changes are reported as pain, since sudden changes are dangerous, and pain is the quickest way to encourage reflexive extraction. But all John can manage is, “Nng.” Because this sudden touch is not reporting as pain. Part 2 of STATIC
The Burning Heart by May_Shepard (M, 119,150 w., 21 Ch. || Canon Divergence, Post-TRF, John’s Sexuality, S3 Rewrite, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV John Watson, John’s Gay) – When Sherlock dies, John Watson feels like his life is over too. He’s completely shut down, until Mark Morstan, a new nurse at John’s medical clinic, catches his attention, and helps him uncover the long buried truth of his attraction to men. Although he’s certain he’ll never get over Sherlock, John plans to move on, and build a new life with Mark, unaware that Sherlock is not quite as dead as he appears, and that Mark is hiding secrets of his own.
The Swan Triad Series by Pennin_Ink (T, 121,660 w. across 3 works || Swan Lake AU || Magical / Fairy Tale AU, Romance, Falling in Love, Pining, Psychological Torture, Transformation) – Sherlock and John grow up spending every summer together. Their mothers' attempts to play matchmaker only fuel their mutual resentment and scorn. But then, one summer.
Colors by Quesarasara (E, 140,537 w., 17 Ch. || Pleasantville-Inspired AU || Soulmates, Colour Bonds, Alternating POV, Angst, Fluff, Pining, Case Fic, Medical Procedures) – Everyone on earth is born with eyes that see in black, white, and an endless series of greys. When you meet your soulmate, you finally see the world in color. We're all searching for the person who brings color to our lives. John and Sherlock are no exception. Part 1 of The Colors 'Verse
The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.
The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships) by ShirleyCarlton (M, 144,688 w., 40 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending) – Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own. (SC’s version of Sherrinford may as well be an OC; he’s well written and different from Canon)
Sketchy by serpentynka (E, 184,053 w., 83 Ch. || Post-TRF, Post-Mary, John Whump, Slow Burn Love Story, Case Fic, Art, Porn With Feelings, Switchlock, Travelling, Career Change, Family Secrets, Illness / Health) – What (and who) will be left when nobody cares about your Work? A slow-burn fic with cases, places, mistaken identities, unfair choices, essential changes, violent feels, blatant lies, fearless portraiture, family secrets, high-risk bespoke gifts, durable friendships, bedtime stories, foreign travel and tongues, sickness (and health), and the significance of things which are slow to unfurl -- but cannot be ignored. Oh, and...porn. Part 1: Sherlock takes on an obvious case (barely a 4) and meets someone who will force him to re-examine what it means to see. Part 1 of Sketchy
The Gilded Cage by BeautifulFiction (E, 326,887 w., 31 Ch. || Omegaverse || Omega Sherlock / Alpha John, Friends to Lovers, Dub Con, Reproductive Rights) – In a world where Omegas are the property of the elite Alphas, locked away and treasured by those wealthy enough to buy them, John never questioned his flatmate's secondary gender. Sherlock Holmes was an Alpha through-and through. Wasn't he? A chance discovery turns the world on its head, and John is left grappling to come to terms with Sherlock's past as events conspire to threaten their future.
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Pregnancy Announcement HCs
Drabbles under the cut for how Pedro boys would react to your pregnancy, and how you’d share the news.
Trigger/content warnings: Pregnancy (both planned and surprise,) mention of abortions as an option, talk of contraception, smut (including cum play, cock warming,) mentions of PTSD and past drug addiction, mentions of dead former partners, blood, periods, doctors/obgyns, single parent/father not wanting to actively participate. If I missed anything, please let me know! Lack of editing as usual...
Pics are for inspiration, not always an exact replica. All take place in a sort of modern AU where there might be a social media to post pictures to.
Dave York
This wasn’t supposed to happen. Dave already has a family and he made it very clear that he wasn’t leaving them for you. When you found out, you were terrified he would demand you terminate the pregnancy - heck, you considered it briefly yourself. You thought long and hard about your options even before telling Dave.
His first reaction was about as bad as it could get: he said nothing, got up and left. He returned a few hours later when you had already cried yourself hoarse. He held you in his arms as he spoke clearly and carefully. He asked if you wanted to keep the baby, and when he said yes he almost seemed torn. You don’t know if it was wishful thinking that he was excited to have another child, but you swore you saw a sparkle in his eye… of course, it wasn’t that simple.
He told you it wouldn’t be easy for you since he would never be with you like that - you were just the nanny he was fucking. If you wanted to go it alone, he would help financially and support you as much as he could, but he couldn’t claim the baby as his and risk losing his daughters.
You were going to have to go the single mother route, and if anyone asked you’d have to either say it was a fling or the father wasn’t interested in being in the picture.
Din Djarin
In all honesty, you were surprised it didn’t happen sooner. Din loved to cum inside of you. He’d lay with you, his softening cock still inside you to make sure nothing slipped out. When he finally did, he’d watch with amazement as your body twitched as it adjusted to emptiness. Gently, he’d push any dripping cum back into your fluttering hole. His deep, gruff voice was laced with exhaustion and lust as he would talk about filling your pretty pussy, not wasting a drop…
When you started getting ill, you at first thought it was just a passing bug. It was inevitable with all the travel that you would fall under the weather. Two weeks into the churning stomach, you realized you missed a period.
When you brought it up to Din, he changed all travel plans - the bounties could wait, he had to get you to the nearest clinic ASAP. The test coming back positive had him glowing with pride. It was hard to convince him to wait until further along to announce the pregnancy, knowing anything could happen in these early stages. As soon as you gave him the all-clear, he did everything but shout it from the rooftops. By the time the picture was posted -your headgear, his helmet, and a tiny helmet between - everyone already knew anyway.
Ezra
It was a surprise, but not a shock. You and Ezra, although you tried to be safe, definitely had a habit of being caught up in the moment and forgetting certain precautions. A walk through the forest that led to a beautiful field of flowers, a picnic on a moonlit beach - there were times Ezra was so overwhelmed by your beauty and the beauty around him that he just got swept up. It was hard not to get swept up with him.
He was ecstatic when you told him you thought you might be pregnant. He could hardly wait for you to take a test. His knee bounced anxiously as you waited the 2 minutes, holding your hand tightly in his. The positive result brought tears to his eyes as he embraced you close but gently, already scared of hurting the baby. He saw it as nothing less than a blessing. He dropped to his knees as soon as he let you go, already talking to the bundle of cells, calling them his little shining star. The nickname sticks throughout the pregnancy, leading to a beautiful space-themed nursery and all events leading up to the birth, including the announcement.
Frankie Morales
You’re absolutely terrified to tell Frankie. You knew he wanted to be a father, but the two of you had talked so much about the fears you shared about being parents. Mental health, substance abuse, financial stability - it made the concept of “starting a family” overwhelming.
Your stomach rolled the whole time you waited for him to get home from work, little plastic test taunting you from the table. What if it set him off? He’d been sober for years, but you knew every day was a new battle. You were so consumed by your own thoughts, playing out how he might react in your head, that you didn’t even hear him come in.
“Are you…” He half-asked the question, eyes darting between you and the test. You couldn’t find your voice, only nod. The facial change in him was immediate: broad smile and wonder in his eyes as he laughed, scooping you into his arms. You clung to him just as tightly as he started laughing, too much joy coursing through him. As he started crying “holy shit, I’m going to be a papa,” how could you have possibly doubted he’d be anything but ecstatic?
You each tell your closest friends and your families, but you manage to keep it under wraps for the first months until posting your announcement and shocking everyone. Toes in the sand at the beach of your favorite camping spot, imagining the sandcastles and other games you’d be playing in the near future - it was everything you could ever want.
Jack Daniels
The two of you were religiously careful. You had talked about a family, but had agreed that until Jack was ready - which may or may not happen - you were going to prevent it. But life finds a way…
You find out much later than you would have liked - nearly 3 months in, you missed the whole first trimester. Looking back, there were obvious signs of pregnancy but you just didn’t think it was possible. You and Jack find out together at a doctor’s appointment. You leave the office shell shocked with a stack of pamphlets to consider your options and an appointment for next week. When you get home, Jack doesn’t even talk about it. You try to bring it up a few hours later, but he ignores you.
Finally, 3 days later, you can’t take it anymore. You feel like you’re in this completely alone at this point as you yell at him “ignoring it won’t make it go away!” Jack breaks down and tells you he’s so damn scared. He cries in a way you’ve never seen him cry, talking about how he wants a family with you but he can’t go through that kind of loss a second time. It nearly killed him the first time and he wouldn’t be able to handle it again. You talk long into the night about all of it - both of your fears, worries, dreams, thoughts - nothing is off limits as you talk about all the possibilities lying in front of you. Even through the fear and trauma, one thing is clear: you both want this.
It’s not easy, but your doctor helps relieve some worries. She speaks frankly to you about the development of the baby along the way and suggests a therapist that might be able to help, as well as classes you can take on parenting. It doesn’t take long for the worried “what ifs” to be paired with excited “whens.”
Javier Peña
When Javier Peña walked into your small town police station, you thought you were dreaming. Sent to help with a case that your rural forces didn’t have the experience to handle, he was only supposed to be in town as long as the case took. You never imagined you, just a lowly admin, would catch his eye.
It didn’t take long for you to tumble into the bed of his hotel room. And your bed at home. And your car. And his truck. And just about any possible surface in between. What you thought was a one night stand turned to three, then four, and soon into a full fledged fling. You knew the expiry date hanging above your heads, so you kept your feelings for the charming (if a little gruff around the edges) agent locked deep away. The case took about two months, and then he was gone just as suddenly as he arrived.
A month after his departure, when you found out you were pregnant, you didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t even left you his number, so you were sure he had no plans to see you ever again. Should you track him down and let him know, or just carry on with this on your own? You spent night after night talking to the growing baby, asking what you should do.
Javier ended up answering the question for you, when he unexpectedly walked into the station once more. He asked to speak with you privately before admitting he had missed you. He told you about trying to forget you, only to spend most of his evenings telling his father about you. Eventually you cut him off with a kiss, telling him you’re glad he came back. You take his hand, placing it on your stomach when you tell him you had been thinking about him too.
Javi helps you secure a transfer to Laredo and even though you technically have your own place, you’re spending practically every night with him anyway. If anyone wondered why the move, well the recognizable mustache on your announcement answered their questions.
Marcus Moreno
Marcus doesn’t believe you the first time you tell him “I think I’m pregnant.” He remembers his wife’s pregnancy with Missy, and you haven’t shown any of those signs. You roll your eyes and tell him that every woman and every pregnancy is different, but he still doesn't believe you. It isn’t until he’s staring down at three tests, all positive, that it clicks in his head he’s having a second child.
He’s excited, but he admits he’s scared. He’s older now, what if he can’t keep up with a baby? More than that, he’s worried about Missy.
You both know you don’t want Missy to feel left out or replaced by a new sibling. The two of you have a good relationship, but of course there were speed bumps to get there. She understood you weren’t trying to replace her mother. Would she be as understanding, knowing that you weren’t trying to replace her?
You and Marcus sit her down and tell her together. Before you can even start on your planned spiel about how the family is growing and no one is getting replaced, she is talking a mile a minute about having a little sister. You and Marcus share a relieved breath and lock eyes before you have to remind her that it might be a little brother. This seems to dampen her mood a little bit, but overall she’s still excited… even if she is adamant she isn’t touching any stinky diapers.
Another way you make sure to include her, is how you announce it to your friends and family. You’re sure, with Marcus’ status, it will get out to the public eventually, but you start by sending close friends and family a picture of Missy wearing a shirt calling her a “Big Sister.” She loves the photoshoot, making all kinds of faces as you snap away on your phone. Happy, sad, pouting, crazy… they all go in the baby book.
Marcus Pike
It was only a few months after your wedding that you and Marcus were ready to start a family. You didn’t “start trying” as much as you “stopped preventing.” There were a few false starts when your period would be late or the time you caught the stomach flu, but a few weeks short of your first wedding anniversary, you were pregnant.
Marcus spent many nights laying next to you in bed, hand on your stomach as he just stared at you - to the point where you actually started to get annoyed by it. He was amazed at your body changing, at the growing child inside of you, that he was finally getting the “happy ever after” he’d been looking for all his life.
The announcement was hilarious to shoot. Marcus and you were covered in paint splotches, laughing with love shining in your eyes. You held a palette Marcus knelt in front of you with a paintbrush, painting “Masterpiece coming soon” on your stomach where the bump had just started showing with the right angle.
Max Phillips
Max knew before you did, even if he didn’t put it all together. He started complaining that you tasted different, smelled different. Not just your blood, but as he spent hours trapped between your thighs. His keen senses had him identifying a change, but neither of you knew what change it was. After all, as far as you knew, a vampire couldn’t get a human pregnant.
Max whined when your period was late - he loved your time of the month. “Best of both worlds” he would say as he feasted on you for as long as you could stand it. It had happened before, your period being late due to stress or illness, but this time it wasn’t just a day or two. A few weeks later nothing had happened. A quick trip to your gynecologist confirmed it.
“I thought you said there was no way you could be pregnant,” she teased as she showed you the results.
Max was shocked, scared, and then proud as a pig in shit. He was terrified to be a father, but he hid that behind a swagger and a “yeah, I knocked her up. Not even death can stop these swimmers.”
Even if you did try to hide it for much longer, the vampires he worked with could smell the change in you too. Put together with Max’s protectiveness over you being ramped up even more than it had been… it was easy to figure out.
You took the picture as a joke - it was supposed to be a compromise that if you took this photo, he’d take the cheesy ones you wanted - but damn if it wasn’t your favorite of the bunch.
Maxwell Lord
You know that Maxwell had a bad history with family. First his parents weren’t as supportive as they could have been, and then his ex-wife had all but used Alistair against him anytime she could. You knew he may be nervous when you shared the news, but you didn’t expect him to turn into Maxwell Lord, television personality instead of your Max.
The first question out of his mouth was “is it mine?” Which broke your heart and set a fire in your gut. You threw anything you could get your hands on at him screaming at him for accusing you of cheating on him. You had just started to calm down when he mentioned lawyers and set you off again. You knew his past, but you truly thought he loved you and that you were his future.
You left, booking yourself in at a hotel. You didn’t leave the room - not only had you not packed anything and knew the paparazzi would devour a picture of you looking so disheveled, but you just couldn’t find it in you to go anywhere. You stayed in the room, ordering room service, watching TV, and crying. In a fit of rage, you had thrown the bottles from the mini bar across the room, needing to channel your anger and knowing you couldn’t drink your sorrows away anyway.
He showed up a few days later, having followed the credit card charges to the hotel, looking remorseful. He apologized for the way he reacted, and you heard him out despite still being upset. There was a long talk in which you reminded him that you’re not his ex or his mother. You’re not trying to screw him over or get anything from him by having his child. It takes him a long time and a lot of groveling for you to truly forgive him, but you go back home that night.
A few months later, as the two of you take a picture on his yacht, both of your hands holding your growing bump, you can hardly tell the fight had happened at all.
Oberyn Martell and Ellaria Sand
Ellaria noticed before you did. A mother herself, she picked up on the glow in your skin, the change in your body, and the complaining about aches in your back or your breasts. When she pulled you aside and suggested you were pregnant, all you could do was blink. The three of you didn’t use protection with each other, only when others were invited into your bed. You’d never gone out of your way to prevent pregnancy, so while it shouldn’t have been shocking, it still caught you off guard. Ellaria brought you to her doctor, sitting with you while you found out for sure.
You were nothing but excited to share your news with Oberyn. You knew how he felt about you, about love and passion, about the children he already had. You had no doubt that he would love your child just as much as the rest of his daughters. The night you told him was spent making love while he waxed poetic about you, your body, your child... If you hadn’t already been pregnant, you’re sure you would have been at the end of the night.
With sand snakes spread across Dorne, you struggled for a way to tell them all. Sending letters didn’t seem to do the moment justice. This may be Oberyn’s 9th child, but it was your first and you wanted an extravagant way to share the news.
Ellaria helped you to plan gathering all the children together. It wasn’t easy, but a month and a half after finding out, you had the whole, huge family together. You posed them all for a picture with you, Oberyn and Ellaria front and centre. You were handed a sign to hold for the picture - supposedly showing the family crest. However as soon as the picture was taken, you turned to show them.
Tagging: @wickedfrsgrl @din-damn-djarin @seasonschange-butpeopledont @kesskirata @phoenixhalliwell @dihra-vesa @vonschweetz @insideafictionaluniverse @driedgreentomatoes @computeringturtle @spideysimpossiblegirl @thottiewinemom @mrschiltoncat @anaaaispunk
#Dave York#Din Djarin#The Mandalorian#Ezra {Prospect)#Jack Daniels#Agent Jack Daniels#Agent Whiskey#Frankie Morales#Frankie Catfish Morales#Javier Pena#Marcus Moreno#Marcus Pike#Max Phillips#Maxwell Lord#Oberyn Martell#Oberyn Martell and Ellaria Sand#pedro pascal character fanfiction#drabbles#WookieTales#Pregnancy HC
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Character Design Thoughts for Shen Yuan & Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky in ‘The Untold Tale’
(This is a Follow Up to This Post)
Hello, @averydrearydiana! Loved reading through your tags! I’m excited that you’re excited! Since I’m also seeing comments on AO3 speculating about how our transmigrators are going to appear as in The Untold Tale, I might as well give my current thoughts and have this archived on tumblr for future reference.
A fun fact about TUT is that a lot of the imagery in the story is inspired by Chinese PVs and popular C-dramas and literature. Since TUT is conceived as a lovestory to SVSSS, one element that I’d wanted to incorporate is playful attempts at satirical genre deconstruction. With that comes with me playfully poking fun at some clichés or things I’ve noticed in Chinese works.
Shen Yuan’s Celestial Design
Before I talk about his mortal appearance, I have to give a lil context about his celestial design in the story. We already know what he looks like as the celestial fortuneteller in TUT’s cover art that I’ve already posted on tumblr. As everyone knows, I was heavily inspired by this Chinese PV:
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(TUT ch1 - Excerpt)
Among the things I’ve noticed are the fictional characters with white hair. We have a whole subculture of fans liking male character designs with white hair in anime and animation. Taking that a step further, they’ve even shown up in C-dramas, i.e. Teng She from Love and Redemption (technically more blond than platinum white, but shhhhh, just let me have this), Dong Hua Dijun from Eternal Love of Dream aka Three Lives Three Worlds, Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms (rest assured, I’m aware of the source material’s controversy, but let’s not get into that here), etc. One of the tags for TUT is Opposites Attract. Luo Binghe’s color coordination is aligned with black and red mostly. Now, visually speaking, what’s the opposite of that?
The yin yang symbol.
Fun fact, besides black vs white, green (SY) is the complementary color of red (LBG) on the color wheel. Now taking everything I’ve said, to take it even one step further, my thought process at the time was, “why not go the extra mile then and just have SY be albino? Within context of the Heavenly Realm, that character design makes sense.” TUT is me subtly riffing off what I can (for the good ol’ meta humor), but making the content come across as a legitimate story experience. As Protagonist A and Protagonist B, LBG and SY have to look visually striking together. With all that said, let’s talk about....
(In reference to the original tumblr post)
Shen Yuan (Mortal)
I’ll keep some elements of his albinism from his celestial form (light sensitivity and pale skin mostly), but SY’s mortal form is essentially SY pre-transmigration but within context of the xianxia genre.
For his appearance, let’s just keep this Author’s Note^ and TUT’s summary in the back of our brains. This is the fanvid I was originally inspired by for SY’s mortal appearance:
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(TUT Summary - Excerpt)
For what he wears, I’m currently feeling very heavily inspired by this PV:
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His mortal appearance wouldn’t be considered as “strange” or “otherworldly” compared to the “ethereal fairy-like beauty” SY retains in the Heavenly Realm, but as a side-effect of the 【PROTAGONIST’S HALO】 and his +20 CHARISMA stat, he would still be considered attractive to people even when he takes on a mortal appearance. (Mainly, I like the idea of Bing gē taking large shots of vinegar seeing SY turning heads no matter which appearance SY takes on, and Luo Binghe glaring at these “insects” for even “daring to lay their unworthy eyes on his fated person.” The thought of it just makes me laugh.)
What I mean by how SY’s mortal form being very much based on how SY appeared pre-transmigration but in the xianxia genre context, I mean he’ll have his dark hair (but longer), a “scholarly air” (as a nod to his novelist background), dark eyes, and even his glasses technically (the divine monocle mentioned in ch3, which is also a subtle nod to Sha Po Lang and a riff on men wearing monocles in other Chinese works andit’salsoforeshadowingbutshhhh).
(TUT ch3 - Excerpt)
Shen Yuan originally was an author in his forties pre-transmigration, so I like the idea him having a mature air about him in the Cultivation World as well. So for both our Protagonist B’s celestial and mortal appearances, the idea is that you can look at him and immediately recognize him as a protagonist of the danmei setting. My only two prerequisites are that his appearance screams “hello, I’m Protagonist B” and that he appears in “scholarly” attire.
Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky (Mortal)
Keeping in mind the original tumblr post where I wrote my thoughts on who I’m transmigrating him as, currently I’m thinking it’s a combination of these two PVs for his mortal form:
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As a nod to him being a successful novelist, I wanted him to also appear scholarly. A scholarly crown prince, if you will. For his attire, imagine all the C-drama clothing you’ve seen actors wear in period dramas, and you already have a good idea already of the direction I’m heading down.
As the prince of the cannon fodder emperor, I very much like the idea of Airplane perhaps having a baby face and brown hair (as a small nod to fanon!SQH from SVSSS) but with a great body (a huge source of inspiration are clothing worn by Prince Yu and Prince Jing of the three princes from the C-drama Nirvana in Fire). Since Airplane will also be able to select his Character Creation stats like Shen Yuan had, one thing I’m fairly certain is that he will max out his CONSTITUTION—because “game logic” and not wanting to die. (For those who don’t know, the CON stat in tabletop RPs essentially indicates a person’s overall health, wellbeing, and vigor checks...so him maxing it out is equivalent to him being as invulnerable as a cockroach. A high CON means overall healthiness, which means your character probably is full of energy and vitality, can heal rapidly, and will rarely get sick—if ever. Low CON usually means a higher susceptibility to sickness and disease, wounds that fester and linger, and a general fatigue would haunt you, etc.) Like how SY zeroed in on his CHA, Airplane would have prioritized +20 CON (+5 modifier), especially knowing the fate that’d await him as a prince and the vicious environment that is expected for palace intrigue plots (the harem is a big factor, with concubines and consorts and even the empress sabotaging each other—just to win the favor of one man). Against poison or whatnot which is a cliché in palace intrigue plots, rather than relying on luck, you typically stand a better chance of passing the CON check if you have a high modifier aiding your checks. He’s basically become impervious to illnesses, most poisons (probably being able to spring back quickly), and is considered the healthiest prince in all the mortal imperial line. <- This could be taken both seriously and humorously simultaneously.
Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky (Deity/ Celestial)
For Xiàng Tiān Dà Fēijī’s “actual divine body” that is currently asleep and won’t be awakened until Airplane completes his mortal trial to “regain his cultivation powers,” the face should obviously be similar but, as Xiàng Tiān Dà Fēijī, he would appear regal and dignified as a god of this world:
Imagine something along the lines of mortal Airplane as the man on the right, celestial Shen Yuan in the center, and deity/ celestial Airplane as the man on the left. I envision a respectable appearance that would knock the air out of Mobei jūn and make him recognize Airplane despite any visual dissimilarities, and in a way we have the Four Beauties of China: Luo Binghe, Shen Yuan, Mobei jūn, and Xiàng Tiān Dà Fēijī.
I will say I currently have an idea of making Airplane have “golden” eyes in both his celestial and mortal forms. (Spoiler alert: in my notes, I’d written down to give Airplane yellow eyes as an Easter egg to Yanxi Palace, I believe, where there was an episode where someone of the imperial harem schemed against the empress and almost had the newborn baby killed because that and the yellow skin was an inauspicious omen. We later find out through a timely intervention that the true reason was due to jaundice—because of the diet/ pregnancy cravings she ate for a period of time which resulted in her son’s symptoms. With Airplane’s high CON and another trope I’m bringing in which’ll have to do with the Medicine King’s Valley/ Valley of the Medicine King, his yellow eyes are the only side effect that lingered from that traumatic event which would have killed him had they gotten away with their scheme. A lot of palace dramas have to do with the vicious harem plots, so this would potentially be one such example.) The reason being that this is the identifying marker for MBJ to clue in that they’re the same man he will have loved. And I think that has romantic potential.
Misc.
Now addressing the other tags, yes, essentially speaking, Mobei jūn might just very well experience his very own Big Damn Reunion trope that Bing mèi had suffered from SVSSS. Poor MBJ. He’s in a tumultuous ride of his own with him considering Airplane as his own fated person, hahaha. But for the Moshang dynamic, I want him—a demon—to find himself taken with Airplane in his mortal guise—and subsequently his true celestial appearance once he finds out. I very much also want SY to jokingly snark to his fellow transmigrator-and-writing-colleague about him getting in a relationship with his own “creation” (MBJ). And Airplane would jokingly snark back about SY “ruining his ‘first son’ as well” (LBG). If you can read between the lines of that, then kudos. I’m glad to hear you’re looking forward to the palace intrigue.
I’m especially very happy to hear you’re looking forward to the descriptions! I personally love worldbuilding in the stories I consume I’m an interior designer and realtor irl, so I’m glad my love of house details and landscape, etc shows in TUT. For the pseudohistorical vibe, in the Mortal Realm, I will be referencing the Forbidden City of our Chinese history and a couple popular period C-dramas. Take the settings of period C-dramas like Ruyi’s Royal Love in the Palace, Yanxi Palace, and Nirvana in Fire as examples for what will be awaiting us when we finally meet Airplane in his mortal body. In the Heavenly Realm, the descriptions will be heavily referencing shows that contain aesthetics such as those of Ashes of Love, Love and Redemption, and Eternal Dream.
Take this with a grain of salt just in case I change my mind later on, but in the chapter when we meet Airplane for the first time, I probably won’t say which character he is in the first scene. I’ll give plenty of hints in the first scene so that you all can make your guesses before the big reveal, but I’m fairly confident you all or most of you will be able to pinpoint who he is among the cannon fodders. We’ll meet the emperor, who is discussing with his sons about the matter regarding the approaching calamity that is Luo Binghe. Then when we transition into the second scene, we’ll know exactly which “royal prince OC” it is that our beloved Airplane has transmigrated into, hahaha.
(*Keep in mind, for everything written above, some details are subject to change. Nothing is official until it appears in the story, or I’ve actually drawn my ideas out and posted online to both my tumblr and twitter. These are just my current thoughts.)
A goal of mine for TUT is to make the story widely accessible, meaning it doesn’t matter if the reader is new to the SVSSS fandom or aren’t familiar with the Easter egg references or meta jokes or subtext or even the Chinese culture, or even if English is not their first language. Having knowledge beforehand might help someone notice more hidden details in TUT, yes, but it is a humble wish of this writer for her esteemed readers to be able to dive into the story and get the enjoyable feeling like they’re reading a genuine danmei novel. It really makes me smile whenever I hear feedback that I am able to emulate that experience.
Very exciting developments indeed are in store!
#svsss#bingyuan#moshang#mobei jun#bingqiu#the scum villain's self saving system#the untold tale#phoenixtakaramono#phoenix talks#ask#averydrearydiana#technically not an ask#but i like to categorize it there#it’s very much like we have 2 forbidden romances ay?#There is so much I wanted to reply back to#so just know I read them all#and treasured everything you wrote in your tags#there will indeed be a transmigrator reveal bt SY and Airplane#to their bfs they can only come so close#SY will come REALLY close but of course the System will filter his words#so SPOILER ALERT an example would be SY saying I remember things in my past life clearly#In Chinese reincarnation mythos you don’t typically keep memories of any of your past lives#in some tales and C-dramas you basically drink a potion/ cup of forgetfulness to wipe your memory#before you are allowed to reincarnate into your next life etc#ah yes war strategist SY will make plenty more appearances in TUT lololol#I love your tag about LBH showing off the pelt and being like LoOk At WhAt My Bf GaVe Me aka My Bf iS BeTtEr ThAn YoUr Bf/Gf#the scene when Airplane finds out his fellow transmigrator has screwed him over will be one for the history books#meaning I will derive so much amusement from it but we will be nice and help him escape the brunt of LBH’s malice#MBJ connecting through dots will be fun too bc HeY tHiS iS mY bAe JuNsHaNg#Jūnshàng meaning the Great Exalted One aka replacing Huangshang aka emperor
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Podcast Recs!
Sometimes it can be difficult to find new fiction podcasts through the jungle of nonfiction ones. I LOVE finding new podcasts through other people’s recommendation’s, so I figured I’d take advantage of tumblr’s “pin a post” feature to pin a list of my favorite podcasts to the top of my page! Be sure to check out the tags on this post too—I try to be pretty consistent with tagging on this account. I’ll keep updating as I find new podcasts!
Fantasy
The Adventure Zone
If you’re into D&D, you’ve probably at least heard of this one, but it’s definitely worth the hype! TAZ was created by the McElroy brothers who, along with their dad Clint, play D&D together. The whole thing is INCREDIBLY hilarious, but each story really gets more complex and interesting as it goes along. The first “season,” TAZ: Balance is my favorite—classic D&D setting following Magnus, Taako, and Merle as they adventure and a larger mystery slowly unfolds. #adventure #dnd #found family
Unseen
A collection of stories set in the same magical universe by the team who created Wolf359. Each episode has been really interesting, and the worldbuilding is really great! #magic #lgbtq+ rep #mental health
The Two Princes
Rupert and Amir are princes of two kindgoms at war who decide to take destiny into their own hands by pursuing the cause of the curse plaguing their kingdoms. To do so, they will have to create an uneasy truce as they forge deeper into the enchanted forest. This podcast is so lovely. The characters growth is just *chef’s kiss* I just found out that seasons 2 & 3 were released exclusively on Spotify, so guess who’s “to listen” list just got longer? #princes #lgbtq+ rep #prophecy #enemies to lovers
Sci-Fi
Girl in Space
Our narrator (who’s name has not been revealed as of the end of season 1) is a young scientist who’s parents have died, leaving her as the sole living inhabitant of the research station Cavatica. Space seems so vast when you only have yourself to talk to...until it isn’t. One of my all time favs—there is so much depth in the story and characters! #space #research #mental health #grief #space station
Directive
Y’all, this one made me cry the first time I listened to it! The story (in season 1) follows Frank as he works as a caretaker watching over the cryogeniclly stored bodies of people on their way to a space colony. It’s such a poginant exploration of the social bonds we take for granted. #space #mental health
Wolf 359
Told through the audio logs of Communications Officer Doug Eiffel , Wolf 359 follows the crew of the Hephaestus as they monitor the star Wolf 359. If I could only recommend 5 podcasts to someone, this one would definitely make the cut. Each of the characters is so well flashed out as the podcast progresses, and the conversations it has about mental illness are handled so well! #space #mental health #space station
Moonbase Theta Out
Ugh, this podcast is so good! The first season follows the researchers and workers on Moonbase Theta as they prepare for base shutdown. However, with political issues threatening the safety of family planetside and those in charge being suspiciously unwilling to provide information on certain topics, our narrator pushes for answers before he goes into cryogenic stasis. Note—the narrator of season one and his husband are sappy and adorable. I love them so muchhhh. #space #politics #lgbtq+ rep #space station
The Orphans
If you love sci-fi, this is the podcast for you! The Orphans tells the story of a universe full of future technologies and humanity continuing to push forward into unknowns. Each season tells a different story arc set in the same universe, interconnecting and building on past seasons. #technology #space #survival
Burst
An adorable anti-capitalist comedy set in space! #space #aliens #lgbtq+ rep #space station
EOS 10
OMG This podcast always makes me laugh so hard! It follows two doctors, a nurse, and a hypochondriac alien patient as they navigate medical appoinments and daily life on the station EOS 10. Shenagains ensue. #space #medical #lgbtq+ rep #aliens #space station
The Strange Case of the Starship Iris
Hooooo boy! Bring on the found family adventures in space we all deserve! Something here about the Each character is just beautifully written, layered in complexities that start to peel away as we get to know them. #aliens #space #found family #lgbtq+ rep
The Bright Sessions
Therapy session recordings of Dr. Bright’s patients. Only, her patients aren’t there for help with anxiety or depression. They’re there because they’re “atypicals,” people with incredible abilities. I love each of the characters in this podcast, and learning more and more as the plot unfolds!
Horror/Supernatural
The Magnus Archives
I don’t normally listen to horror, but I started listening in the middle of the pandemic and HOO BOY. It did not disappoint! The story follows Jonathan Sims working in the archives at the Magnus Institute, an institute dedicated to gathering information about strange and unusual occurances. Each episode is Jon recording himself reading statements people have given in order to better organize the Archives. Starts off a little slow in terms of Jon’s interaction with other characters, but that aspect starts picking up halfway through season 1. #horror #supernatural #lgbtq+ rep
King Falls AM
Though not as terrifying as the other shows in this section, King Falls AM can definitely be unsettling. The show follows Sammy Stevens and Ben Arnold as they host a late night radio show in the not-so-sleepy town of King Falls. Though newcomer Sammy is skeptical of the town’s reputation for supernatural events, there is definitely more to the town and its inhabitants than meets the eye. #supernatural #mental health #lgbtq+ rep
Welcome to Nightvale
My first ever podcast! You’ve probably already decided if Nightvale is your cup of tea if you’re on my blog, but basically WtNV is a radio show covering events that happen in a town where glowing clouds rain dead animals, a country of tiny people exosts under a bowling lane, and librarians will must not escape the library. Vaguely creepy and definitely weird! #supernatural #lgbtq+ rep
Other
Levar Burton Reads
If you love short stories, definitely check this one out! As the title suggests, the immensely talented Levar Burton selects a different short story for each episode and reads it. His selections span lots of genres, and he’s read stories from some of my favorite authors like Neil Gaiman and Nnedi Okorafor!
Me & AU
This podcast is sooooo cute! It follows Kate as she hyperfocuses on a new show called Selkirk and becomes friends with a fellow Selkirk fan named Ella.
Under Pressure
Follows a doctor of literature aboard a deep sea research station three miles underwater.
36 Questions
A musical three part mini-series about the relationship fallout between a husband and wife after the husband discovers that his wife isn’t who she says she is.
#podcast reccomendation#podcasts#podcast recs#podcast#fiction podcasts#audio drama#taz#taz balance#unseen#the two princes#girl in space#directive#wolf359#mto#the orphans#burstpod#eos10#tscosi#tbs#tma#kfam#wtnv#levar burton reads#me & au pod#under pressure#36 questions
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Spirit Touched - Chapter 1: Little Prince
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 AO3
Uhhhh so this is the first time I’ve written and posted something for ATLA, and of course it wound up being because of a fanart of a fanfic that I adore. Basically, yesterday I saw this art drawn by my pal @agent-jaselin. And that art appeared to apply one of my all-time favorite tropes (de-aging) to one of my all-time favorite fics (Salvage, by @muffinlance). And dagnabit, I...got inspired.
So, without further ado, here is my interpretation of a theoretical Zuko being de-aged after Chapter 8 of Salvage. Enjoy.
——————————————————————————————
Praying to the spirits for guidance was a mistake. Hakoda could see that now. He pinched the bridge of his nose in a vain attempt to dispel the headache already forming.
This is what I get for thinking the spirits might make things easier. Their actions are rarely convenient for us mortals.
“Bring him to Kustaa,” Hakoda said after a moment. Toklo nodded and hurried for the healer’s room, his friend in his arms, buried in a pile of furs. Bato looked at Hakoda. He raised an eyebrow silently.
“That’s new,” he said. The casual tone made Hakoda’s headache pound in full force. Bato was treating this as just another matter of fact. Like seeing the former Prince of the Fire Nation reduced to a toddler overnight was just as common as…
Hakoda’s head hurt too much to even think of something that was common.
“Yes,” Hakoda finally said. “It is new.” He was struggling to align the grumpy teenager of yesterday with the toddler he’d just seen drooling in his sleep.
“How could this have happened?” Bato asked quietly.
“I asked the spirits for help last night.” Hakoda scowled. It was help he’d desperately needed, after Zuko had broken down in front of him and renounced his crown, maybe even renounced his own nation. And it was help he was obviously not getting. “Apparently, they didn’t want to make things easier.”
“The spirits work in mysterious ways,” Bato said. “It’s best to trust in their judgement. Eventually, you’ll understand why they’ve done…this.” Hakoda eyed his second-in-command.
“Since when are you so spiritual?”
“Since meeting the bridge between the spirit world and ours,” Bato said flatly.
“Fair enough.” Hakoda sighed. “I should go speak with Kustaa.”
“I might be best if you were there when the little prince woke up,” Bato agreed. He thumped Hakoda on the back. “At least you’re good with children!”
-----
Unlike every other day since he’d recovered from his illness, Zuko didn’t wake up with the sun. If he didn’t remember how much his own children slept at this age, Hakoda would have been concerned. He sat in the infirmary, having a hushed conversation with Kustaa while Zuko continued to snore. The sight of a toddler swimming in furs was painfully cute and reminded Hakoda of when Sokka was young.
“I’ll be able to get a better examination done once he’s awake,” Kustaa said in a low voice. “But from what I can tell, he’s perfectly healthy.”
“He’s a toddler,” Hakoda said.
“A healthy one.” Kustaa glanced at Zuko. “By my estimation, about four years old. So, almost out of the toddler years.” Zuko rolled over in his sleep, mumbling something. Kustaa and Hakoda held their breaths. Zuko didn’t wake up. “From what he’s told me, he didn’t get that scar until a few years ago, so I’m not completely sure why he still has it.”
“The spirits are testing me,” Hakoda moaned. Kustaa chuckled.
“No, Chief. The spirits are testing all of us with this stunt.” He sighed and leaned back. “Now would be a good time to have a waterbending healer, to examine his spirit and chi. But the odds of finding one of those…”
“Aren’t good unless we stumble across a Northern Tribe ship,” Hakoda said, finishing the healer’s sentence. Kustaa nodded. There was movement from Zuko’s pile of furs. Hakoda and Kustaa looked over. A small hand fought its way out, followed by a head. Zuko’s regular scowl was replaced by confusion as he stared at Hakoda and Kustaa, who most likely seemed larger to him than they had yesterday.
“You’re up,” Kustaa said calmly. Zuko shoved away the furs he was buried in. His eyes widened at the sight of his body. Hakoda grimaced.
There was a split second of dumbfounded silence before the screaming started.
-----
Kustaa wasn’t sure whether he preferred Zuko like this or not. On the one hand, it would be difficult to run the ship with a literal toddler on board. But on the other hand, it was much easier to handle Zuko. He could literally be picked up and carried somewhere else if needed.
“This doesn’t fit right!” Zuko whined. Kustaa glanced over at his young charge. Zuko had insisted on dressing himself in the smallest shirt they could find on the ship. That smallest shirt came down to past his feet.
Then again, so will everything else. Kustaa beckoned Zuko to come. Zuko scowled but walked over. Kustaa fought back an amused grin at the firebender’s toddling gait. While not as severe as it would be for someone younger, it was still evident.
“Nothing is going to fit right until either we adjust clothes to fit you or purchase ones already in your size,” Kustaa said. He adjusted the shirt as best he could by pinning it up and wrapping rope around Zuko’s waist to act as a belt. “Now that you’re dressed, we need to go see the chief.” Zuko’s eyes went wide in horror.
“No! I’m not going outside like this.”
“Everyone knows what’s happened to you,” Kustaa said, getting to his feet. He took Zuko’s hand. It was small and warm. “Most of them saw you already, and the rest were informed by either the chief or Bato.”
“…Fine,” Zuko grumbled. Kustaa led him out onto the deck. The moment eyes landed on him, Zuko dropped Kustaa’s hand to hide behind his legs.
“Wow, you’re barely older than the babes we left at the South Pole,” Panuk remarked. Zuko didn’t move or speak.
“I think he’s adorable,” Toklo said firmly, marching over. He crouched down to Zuko’s eye-height. “I always wanted a baby brother.”
“I’m not a baby,” Zuko snapped. At his high-pitched, youthful voice, Toklo beamed. “I’m sixteen.”
“Four,” Kustaa corrected. Zuko scowled.
“Either way, that’s not a baby.”
“Aw, no need to pout,” Toklo cooed. Zuko’s scowl deepened. “It’ll be fun having a little kid on board.”
“Will it?” rumbled Aake. “We only let men join the crew for a reason.” Zuko let out a small squeak as Toklo lifted him up and held him out for Aake to see.
“Try saying ‘no’ to this face,” Toklo said. Aake’s deadpan expression didn’t change.
“No.”
“Were you saying ‘no’ to Zuko or ‘no’ to saying ‘no’ to him?” Toklo asked. Aake shrugged and continued to sharpen his spear. Zuko squirmed in Toklo’s hold.
“Let me go!” he snarled. He broke loose, falling to the deck with a soft thump. Kustaa waited for the tears that would come from a toddler being dropped. But Zuko didn’t cry. His eyes were glistening in a way that suggested he was holding back tears, but he remained otherwise stoic. Kustaa filed this observation away for now. He walked over to Zuko and pulled him up.
“The chief needs to talk to you, remember?” he said. Zuko nodded silently, allowing Kustaa to lead him to Hakoda’s cabin.
-----
The moment they set foot inside the cabin, Kustaa could tell Hakoda was going to struggle with not seeing Sokka every time he looked at Zuko. At least Bato was there to help mediate things.
“Take a seat,” Hakoda said. Zuko toddled over to the chair he normally sat in. After a moment, he climbed onto the seat with obvious difficulty. Bato stifled a laugh. “Zuko, we’re not sure why the spirits have done this to you.”
“Probably because they hate me,” Zuko muttered, crossing his arms.
“Well, no matter why you’ve been turned into a toddler, the fact of the matter is that it has happened to you. Generally, we don’t allow children your age to be on our ships.” Zuko paled and opened his mouth to make his case. Hakoda held up a hand. “Given your…extenuating circumstances, we won’t be dropping you off at the next port or something like that. Who knows, maybe you’ll wake up tomorrow sixteen again. Until we have a better understanding of your condition, including how long it might last, you’ll be staying on the Akhlut. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” Zuko said with a nod, visibly relieved.
“Good. Now, just because you’ll still be on board, don’t expect things to stay the same for you. You won’t be required to do any chores on the ship. If you want to help, you can, but the crew has been instructed to stop you from overexerting yourself or doing something that might hurt you at your current age.” Zuko’s eyes boggled. “Additionally, you’ll be sleeping in the infirmary with Kustaa for the foreseeable future. It will be more comfortable for you.”
“Understood,” Zuko mumbled.
“Another change is that you will be expected to do what a child your age must in order to remain healthy,” Hakoda said. Zuko tilted his head curiously. “In particular, you will have to take naps.”
“What?!” Zuko shrieked.
“We can’t have a cranky, overtired firebender on our wooden ship,” Bato said. Zuko crossed his arms, scowling.
“Those are the major changes. We will adjust things as we see fit,” Hakoda said.
“Okay.” Zuko fidgeted in his seat, an abrupt reminder to the men in the room of how hyperactive toddlers were. “Um, about my clothes…”
“Go see Panuk and Toklo. They offered to try to cobble together something for you until we can make port,” Hakoda said. Zuko ducked his head.
“Thank you.” He slipped off his chair and left the cabin, his head held high in an attempt to maintain any dignity. Once the door closed, Kustaa looked at Hakoda and Bato.
“He’s not going to act like a toddler if he can avoid it,” Kustaa said. “He’s almost certainly going to resist the reduced workload and naps.” Hakoda nodded.
“I agree,” he said solemnly.
“This won’t end well,” Bato said, shaking his head. “There’s a reason we wouldn’t normally have someone his age on board.” There was a loud ruckus from the deck; clattering, heavy footsteps, and Toklo’s voice.
“Come on, Zuko, it’ll look so cute!”
“That,” Bato said, “is the reason.”
-----
Hakoda begrudgingly agreed with Toklo’s assessment. Zuko was cuter than he had any right looking, walking around the ship with a blanket draped over his shoulders like a cape. According to Toklo, Zuko had begun shivering while he and Panuk were working on finding something for the new toddler to wear. Toddlers tended to get cold easier, and Hakoda supposed that being a firebender might make Zuko more vulnerable to cold as is.
“Are you hungry yet, little prince?” Panuk asked. Zuko looked up from his fumbling attempts at making a net.
“Don’t call me that,” he snarled. Panuk patted Zuko’s bald head.
“All right. You hungry yet, Zuko?” he asked. Zuko’s stomach rumbled loudly. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Panuk got up. “Come on. Let’s fill you up with sea prunes.” Zuko got to his feet and eagerly followed Panuk. Hakoda watched Zuko toddle across the deck and to the kitchen.
“You’re getting soft, Chief, I can tell,” Aake, standing nearby, said quietly. Hakoda looked at him. Aake sighed. “But I’m getting soft, too. We left when Sitka was about that age.” A weary and wistful expression settled on Aake’s face. “I miss my son.”
“I miss mine as well,” Hakoda said quietly. Suddenly, Zuko burst onto the deck, his arms full of sea prunes, running from Panuk.
“Hey! You don’t get all of them!” Panuk protested, coming onto the deck as well. Zuko merely sped up. Hakoda and Aake’s eyes widened as they realized the former Fire Nation Prince was giggling as Panuk chased him. Zuko’s lighthearted, childish peals of laughter filled the air. He rushed belowdeck, his blanket still wrapped around his shoulders. Panuk followed. A silence fell. After a moment, Tuluk, who was swabbing the deck, spoke.
“Well, that was adorable.”
-----
Hakoda expected Zuko to hide belowdeck, embarrassed by behaving like a toddler. But Zuko returned to the deck after a while, seemingly unaware of how childish he had acted. He walked up to various crewmen in an attempt to do some of his old chores. Each time, he was turned away. His regular scowl settled on his face, chubby with baby fat.
“Can’t do anything,” Zuko muttered as he stalked around the deck, his blanket trailing behind him. He finally sat down next to the mast, pouting.
“It’s good that you can’t do anything,” Hakoda said, walking over. Zuko looked up. “Leaving a task in the middle of doing it doesn’t usually produce good results.”
“Why would I not complete a task?” Zuko asked. He crossed his arms. “I’m not really a child, I can focus.”
“You’d need to take a break for your nap,” Hakoda informed him. Zuko’s eyes widened. “I saw you yawning just now. You’re tired.”
“No, I’m not!” Zuko said, jumping to his feet. He shed his blanket cape. “I won’t nap.”
“You agreed to take naps.”
“Only if I needed them. I don’t. I’m not tired.” Zuko’s argument sounded eerily like those Sokka made as a child.
“There’s nothing for you to do anyways,” Hakoda pointed out. He reached for Zuko’s hand. Zuko darted away before he could be grabbed. Unfortunately for his millionth escape attempt, Aake was nearby. Aake picked Zuko up as he ran past.
“Let me go!” Zuko said, twisting in Aake’s grip. “Let me go!” A breath of flame escaped from his mouth. He suddenly stilled. Aake handed him over to Hakoda. Zuko didn’t make a peep as Hakoda carried him across the deck and into the infirmary. Kustaa looked up from the book he was reading.
“Is it time for my nephew’s nap?” he asked. Hakoda nodded and set Zuko down.
“Sleep,” he said firmly to Zuko. “That’s an order.” Zuko nodded, visibly cowed.
“Yes, chief,” he mumbled. Hakoda turned to leave. “Sir, I apologize for firebending earlier,” Zuko said suddenly. Hakoda looked over his shoulder at the toddler.
���You firebending on accident wouldn’t have anything to do with agreeing to nap, would it?” he asked.
“Uncle says that sleep works in concert with meditation to control your inner fire. Children who are too young to know how to meditate only avoid burning down their house by taking…naps.” Zuko scowled slightly. “That’s the excuse he gives for being so lazy.” Kustaa chuckled softly.
“Judging by what happened on deck, your uncle might be right,” Hakoda said, feigning a casual tone. Zuko nodded. “Sleep well, Zuko.”
Hakoda poked his head into the infirmary after he had checked on the rest of the crewmen. Some of the crew felt Zuko’s current size was an improvement. Hakoda could see where they were coming from. Zuko was yet again buried in a pile of furs, his minute arms wrapped around Scuttles.
“He went down almost right after you left, chief,” Kustaa said quietly. “I didn’t even need to make him any tea.”
“Hopefully he won’t argue against naps in the future.” Hakoda continued to watch Zuko sleep. The toddler let out a soft snore. “It’s foolish to expect that he’ll ask for a nap, though.” Kustaa nodded.
“I would agree with that.” Zuko rolled over in his sleep with another snore.
“Let me know if anything happens,” Hakoda said.
“Of course,” Kustaa said. He picked up another book, opened it, and began to read. Hakoda left the infirmary, closing the door behind him as softly as he could.
#Spirit Touched#ATLA#Zuko#Hakoda#Bato#muffinlance#agent-jaselin#(idk how to tag the various OCs eek)#I wrote quite a bit more but that stuff will probably wait until more chapters of Salvage are posted#just to keep things as in line with the fic as possible y'know#(I haven't been this nervous about posting a fic in a while hhhhhhhhhhh)#my writing#my stuff#fanfiction#speecher speaks
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Nothing is black and white. Not even the things we judge to be the simplest such as a “are you a night owl or an early bird?” question. For every answer, for every action, behind it lies a very complex reason for why you picked a determined answer. In life, it’s the same. Things are multicolored, multifaceted and depending of a handful of factors combined that will impulse someone to take a certain action or opt for a certain answer. It really has put me into a lot of thinking when I found out the plot regarding Sen Çal Kapımı’s season 2, and seeing so many people start to take sides of such complex and delicate situation made me wonder that maybe people were not seeing the full picture, maybe they were seeing a plain image instead of the 3D situation presented to them.
If you know the characters’ story, you understand both Eda and Serkan’s actions are totally characteristic of them and correct in their own way. I’ll assume if you’re reading this you have knowledge of that, so I shall skip to the present situation and plot: Eda and Serkan broke up and stayed 5 years apart, but this turn in their love story has a bittersweet exception. Their child, Kiraz. Which Serkan does not know of.
EDA
Eda was asked to leave. After standing by his side through his cancer and thinking she’d finally live the life she dreamed with the love of her life, he broke up with her. They fought a lot, he let it explicit he’d never have a family, he closed himself to the world, to Eda, he resetted back to the robot-mode workaholic burying himself in projects that he forgot life. The life he had with Eda. His behavior affected her as well, that closed off too, and although they were together, they kept distancing from each other every day a little more. Until they saw that there was no point in that relationship. Eda shows that after 5 years his words and cold behaviour towards her still hurts her deeply, even making the analogy that she’s “just a toy” for him (ep 2 in the conversation scene with Burak). From her perspective, he decided to throw their years and relationship in the trash because he was the heartless insensitive man he was when they first met. Imagine you invest so much of yourself to someone just for this person to turn to you and tell you he doesn’t want to hear from you, or have you near. You’d be hurt. Especially after all you’ve been put through to be by his side and live your love freely. It was beyond plausible for her to leave and not look back (okay, Aydan?) and whoever had close insight of their relationship and how it deteriorated would agree with that. There’s only so much a person can handle. It was time Eda put herself first, especially when she was carrying a baby that Serkan supposedly wouldn’t want. She feared rejection, not just for her but for their baby, an innocent unborn child, a consequence of their love that was not the same anymore. He had said in her face that he didn’t want children, so she acted out of protectiveness for herself and her child. She couldn’t bare him rejecting the child. Maybe he would have changed his mind when she told him that she was pregnant, but she couldn’t have known that. Serkan turned into someone that was unrecognizable, even for Eda. He wasn’t just the cold workaholic we’ve seen in the beginning of the dizi, he was a cold-traumatized workaholic. So she escorted herself out of that relationship and did not think twice to come back around and tell him about the pregnancy when she found out in Italy. It was basically the logic that if he didn’t want her, why would he want her baby?
SERKAN
Serkan had to endure so much. After all the little things that consumed their relationship, after the plane crash, memory loss, he found out he had cancer. There is no way a person would stay the same after going through such awful disease. Serkan’s fear spoke louder than anything else, because he’s always been the kind of person to stay miserable and let her go so she doesn’t deal with the burden of being with him. Serkan’s hypochondria spoke louder telling him he was cured but not safe from cancer, and he couldn’t bare going through or putting Eda through that again. Even worse, leave her widowed. Probably the reason he kept postponing their wedding. During treatment he was still vulnerable, having Eda’s support all the way, trying to stay sane with all the mood changes and occasional insensitive behaviour towards her and everybody else. It cannot be put in words by a person that fortunately never had to go through or witness a person with cancer, but all of his “inconsistency” is more than justified. He never did it on purpose, it was the collateral effects of his disease, psychologically and physically speaking. After beating cancer, things seemed to have a bright future until it hadn’t. Serkan’s self sabotage knocked him down again, making him reset back to his old ways, except this time he had much more baggage and traumas than before. He shut everybody out, even the only person that he let in, and drowned in work, obsessed with “becoming immortal” through his projects. He forgot life, he forgot the love of his life. Not because he wanted to, but because his unconscious wanted to protect himself, and her. What if cancer came back? He knew very much of diseases as a person so worried about his health, he knew there were chances that it would come back. He’s gone through it once and barely survived, he’s seen the state he’s put him and Eda’s relationship through, he felt like a burden more than ever before. He didn’t want to hold her back, he didn’t want to have her stuck with him, taking care of his ill self that wasn’t even sure would make through the cancer treatment. He always felt unworthy of her, imagine now. He didn’t want children, because he feared they’d become fatherless. He didn’t want to set a wedding date, because he feared he’d leave his wife a widow. Or not make her happy. And he knew they weren’t happy. Because once he digged back down on his workaholic hole, he didn’t come back up again. It was stronger than him, he kept pushing her away and burying himself deeper. And she closed off just like him, so they both closed off in their own lonely cocoon and started to slowly become strangers again. Until one day he asked her to leave, and she didn’t see a reason to stay.
—
He told her to leave, he told her to stay far away from him because he wanted to protect her, and most selfishly, himself from more potential pain, suffering and heartbreak. He thought it’d be the less hurtful way (just like the plot of the secret about Eda’s parents accident), except he just made it worse for her. It doesn’t mean he’s a monster, a heartless human or an ungrateful bastard as many people are portraying him to be. It makes him human, it makes him a human with fears and insecurities, too aware of his own mortality and how it would affect the people that were dearest to him. Because when you’re sick, not only you go through stuff, the people around you, the people that loves and cares for you also goes through it all with you, to the point it can affect them personally too. He never came around and explained his reasons, because when he closed off his feelings were shut off. He bottled it all up and never said a thing, leaving Eda thinking the absolute worst of him and that still reflects in her hesitance about him 5 years later with an apparent normal Serkan back in her life. Serkan, now fully recovered and back to being himself, finds Eda again and everything he’s been trying to keep hidden, all the suppressed feelings and unfinished business he’s had with her, came back banging. He can’t let her go, he said it himself at that night talk. He can’t because he still needs to say a lot to her, to apologize to her even though it was NOT his fault. NEVER his fault. Nor hers, for leaving.
Serkan beat cancer years ago, but he never went looking for her. We’ve seen enough of their story and Serkan’s fears to know that he’s always felt that he wasn’t enough for her and that he’s brought to her life only pain, so it’s totally understandable why he never reached to her when he was sane again. He wanted her to be happy and free and she would only be able to do that if she was far away from him. And of course, Eda being hurt wouldn’t want to come back, wouldn’t want to keep in touch with him, so she cut ties entirely. She was on her right to not come to him when she found out about the pregnancy, because she knew he still wasn’t him. He was barely fighting for himself, living for himself, caring for himself, how would he do that for a child? But then he comes back… now what? Eda wants to run away from him, afraid he’d hurt her the way he did before. But he’s not that post-cancer Serkan, he still has the scars and the trauma but you can clearly see that he’s back to being the old Robot Bolat. He’s still closed off, but the initial scare and fear of abandonment disappeared with the passing years of him being healthy again. He sees Eda and he wants to be around her again, because he never truly wanted to part ways with her. Eda hides a secret, a secret she’s not right nor wrong to hide, she just figured it was best. And even in the first moments of him being around, it’s understandable that she wanted to hide the fact she has a child to him, as it may be a huge shock and turn of events. She doesn’t trust him, more precisely his reaction, and she’s unsure of what to expect. She needs him to give her a proof that he’s not the same unstable Serkan she witnessed before she left. She needs him to open up, he needs to open up to her. That is just it, the reason none of them could ever move forward, apart of their ever growing and intense love for each other. They still have a lot that was not talked, that was not finished, they didn’t solve their issues, therefore they didn’t heal.
Tell me how can you blame a mother for choosing her child over any possible heartbreak? How can you blame a woman for walking away after being so emotionally drained and not being able to put up with an exhausting relationship for BOTH of them? How can you blame her for not wanting to live that life with him when he wasn’t putting any effort on their relationship or on his fiancée? How could she guess what he was feeling, what he wanted to say, what were the reasons for his behavior if he closed off and never spoke a word?
Tell me how can you blame a traumatized man with so many complexities for closing off and pushing everybody away in order to not hurt them? How can you blame an hypochondriac man for wanting his beloved to be free from any strings attached to him and his disease because he can’t bare the fact he could possibly die and leave her suffering? How can you blame a human being that has gone through such a traumatic disease and invasive treatment as cancer that affects the whole being, physically and mentally, and transforms them into someone vulnerable and afraid? How can you blame this man for acting the way he did when he’s only done that because of all the fears he’s been accumulating since his childhood, his psychological traumas. How can it be his fault?
Serkan would die for Eda if it didn’t mean she would suffer for his loss.
Eda would be unhappy for eternity if it meant she could stay by Serkan’s side.
They would do anything for each other, and at one way or another, they did. Until their relationship deteriorated and they couldn’t keep going on, because they were losing themselves in an endless looping of traumas and pain. They were together but together they couldn’t do the healing, they were so exhausted they couldn’t heal each other nor themselves, it became unhealthy for them. But beware, it WAS NOT any of them’s fault, it qas just how they were living their lives. Their post-traumatic lives.
Sometimes there’s no right or wrong, there are just different point of views of a certain situation that’s so hard to grasp and so difficult to understand unless you’re personally living it. But trying to put yourself in their shoes also would do.
So please, yeter with the Eda AND SERKAN slander. Both were in their own right.
#sen çal kapımı#sen çal kapimi#edser#eda yildiz#serkan bolat#diziland#turkish shows#sçk#hande erçel#kerem bürsin#edaserkan#eda bolat
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It looks like my brain is taking some time off doing things with words. This honestly almost never happens. I'm ✨obsessive✨ about writing to the point where it often sometimes becomes A Problem™
So, this used to drive me crazy with frustration. I'm a very push-through-it kind of person. This is also A Problem™ and one that I'm actively working on for reasons of physical and mental health. Before, I would admonish myself for not trying hard enough, force myself to do the thing, be utterly miserable, and ultimately end up despising every fucking word I wrote when my mind and my heart weren't in it.
Now I'm trying this new thing where I don't do that and I think about how I got here. I've been working on Project Frequency non-stop for a while, even though I didn't fully intend to get stuck into it just yet. I published a short fiction collection on my website. I finished the last revision on Project Storm way sooner than planned after it came back from my editing folks (still needs proofread, but sooooooon!).
Within the last few weeks, I also started creating regular writing-related content for Instagram, which has included making artsy fartsy microfiction videos where I read things with my own fucking voice OMG. This is legit one of my favourite forms of creative expression right now and I'm learning so much. I gathered three years' worth of microfiction into categories for future posts. And I completely overhauled my entire website.
My mental health has been not amazing. OK, that's a massive understatement. My mental health has been an explosive catastrophic disaster because of stuff relating to serious trauma that I don't want to talk about here. I fell apart in a full-on breakdown kind of way, which is not something I do very often because I live in a perpetual state of denial and dissociation and like to pretend I don't because it makes me feel like I've got my shit together better than I really do.
I contacted a trauma support centre that specialises in the very specific context of my trauma. I realised I wasn't ready to go through that whole process yet and cancelled the initial outreach assessment. Then I felt like a weak piece of shit and hated myself a bit. Then my close family and a very good friend helped me understand that this was an act of self-care and boundary setting and sometimes first steps have to be taken a number of times. So it's OK. Sort of. And I'm doing way better at dealing with the mess in my head with the support of people who love me. And I'm extremely lucky to have those people.
My chronic illness/disability stuff has been a pile of fuckery too, but the more manageable kind of fuckery. Except I've been really struggling with mobility aids lately because I'm basically going in cycles of fucking up my lower body by not using them, then fucking up my upper body by using them. So I found a truly epic rollator/wheelchair hybrid (swear to god, this thing is cyberpunk AF) that is everything I need and actually possible for me to operate even when my stupid hands are being stupid, and now we're trying to work out how to afford it and hopefully I'll be able to get it within the next few months.
Now that I type all that out, I'm not quite so much like "Why am I not feeling creative right now? It's a mystery!" I am burned the fuck out and profoundly exhausted on every level. And I'm doing that new thing I mentioned at the top of this post. I'm accepting it. And I'm letting myself rest. And I think it's good.
Anyway, I just wanted to check in and say hi and I miss you all and I'm still lurking even if I'm not posting as much. Love love love.
PS. Sorry if I've missed any tags lately. Please keep tagging me. I don't usually suck this bad at keeping up <3
#the shit in my head#chronic illness#disability#mental health#writeblr#writeblr community#writer#writers#writers of tumblr#writers on tumblr#tumblr writers#writers community#writing#am writing#writing community
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MY HERO ACADEMIA CHAPTER 317 META :
On surpassing childhood heroes and finding ourselves with the help of our friends and family.
Okay my friends, do you remember when I talked about how Dabi and Hawks needed to surpass ir get over Endeavor?
If you don't, then let me make it short for you. Basically I said that Dabi and Hawks are still trapped in the memory of what Endeavor was and that makes them at least a little blind to the present, and specially to the future.
In order to be redeemed, Dabi first needs to heal. That means he needs some help to go pass the harm Endeavor caused him. He needs to be acknowledged, he needs someone that understands his story to help him see there are other options, options where he has a real future, not just dying or rotting in jail. He has a life, he has people that is willing to walk that road with him, he's worthy. And Endeavor was an abuser, yes, but he's meeting (hopefully) his justice and he's not able to hurt him anymore, not as he used to. He needs to get passed Endeavor being his childhood hero (and nightmare), but never forget.
Hawks goes on a slightly different road. Even when he understands many things about reality and Endeavor, he's still basing his value system on what Endeavor made him feel as a child. It's not the person he can't let go of, but the idea. Now, this is problematic in the sense that society is changing, the whole hero system is changing. He's so young and full of life, he still has time. He thinks he doesn't, he thinks his time is over. That's not true. However, Hawks needs to focus on the present and the future, needs to find his rebirth in the hands of the new generations and situations, not in the past.
On that post, the one I was talking about a few paragraphs above, I take Izuku for my example. And then Horikoshi just proved me a bit right with chapter 317 of the manga.
(spoilers under the cut )
If you've read the chapter, you know it was intense. We saw a different Deku, one that doesn't go to UA and doesn't even look like a hero. He doesn't smile, the light in his eyes is gone, and do you know who hs reminds me of?
Yes, Shigaraki Tomura.
Nice touch, because it keeps the emphasis o the parallel between Tomura and Izuku. If you want to read more about this, search in the tags of my blog. I've talk a lot about it.
Deku, who hasn't been taking care of himself correctly, even rejected All Might through a very symbolic scene. All Might, the hero he based his entire life in, was worried about him, offering food. Deku told him he doesn't need to worry anymore, implied that he's already surpassing Toshinori. Deku takes off, leaving Toshinori on his knees, with the bento on the ground, forgotten.
That takes us to the first part of this meta: Surpassing childhood heroes.
This is not exclusive of Izuku, let's clarify that. This whole path began with the very first chapter, when All Might saw in Deku something he has forgotten. He saw something new, the possibility of Deku doing what he never could.
It was the same with All Might and Nana Shimura, or with Lemillion and Nighteye, for example. Legacy, yes, but also going beyond the figure that made you who you are— or were.
An essencial part of growing up is understanding that the people you admired as a kid are not perfect. You can stay within their lines, because at least as a hero you have a duty with the public: you need to do your best, which means you need to try and do better than the ones before you. All Might is a great dude with great problems. He did many things wrong, because he's human and human do things wrong all the time, they can't avoid it. Still, he's responsible for all his mistakes, no one else can take the blame for that.
Deku wanted to be a hero when he didn't know what it implied. He didn't know the system was so corrupted, he was just a kid. So, when can't just be the type of hero he wanted to be. It wouldn't feel right. I believe the story won't allow him either.
There's nothing wrong with Deku surpassing All Might. Yes, he looks exhausted, but that was expected. He's like 16 years old and he's already the pro-heroes against a terrible being. Not just that, he also has to deal with all the knowledge he's getting. That surely is wearing his heart out. He's growing up really fast, becoming a man and getting through all the trauma. It's the war effect.
Shigraki Tomura went through this phase too. He has grown pass AFO. He's not under his control anymore, but he's still being held back. Violently.
In this shonen, Deku is our role model, right? Keep that in mind.
Now, since I've already told you that Deku is not going to be the hero he was going to be when this whole manga started, what about the name? How is this "My Hero Academia"?
Second part, everyone: finding ourselves with the help of our friends and family.
What does this even mean? Well, dear reader, not matter how hard we try, there are things we can't do alone. Overcoming a mental illness, redeeming ourselves, becoming who we want to be... We need support. We need someone to help us stay strong.
I believe that the title "My Hero Academia" refers to Deku's Hero Academia, at least in this meta. This means, this is the story of how Deku learned to be a hero. And that how it's about the old generations, pro-heroes and other figures in his life, yes, but it is only the first step.
The first time Deku acted as a hero was to save Bakugo Katsuki. Then he did it again to save Uraraka Ochaco. To save Todoroki Shoto, etc.
The point is, the teachers and pro-heroes and adult figures in Izuku's life inspired him, but they didn't teach him how to be a hero. The ones always pushing Deku farther, the ones making Deku behave like a real hero, are the younger generations, specially his classmates.
Deku needs his friends. He needs to understand he doesn't have to do everything alone (All Might's mistake) and he needs to understand that this is not just his fight. His friends are family have the right to fight to, they have the right to know what's going on. He can't just do like Endeavor, who pushed his family to the front line and then told them they could not follow him anymore.
The difference between the old generations and the new ones is that these kids have been fighting together since day one. They overcome whatever comes their way by pushing through together. Take Tsuyu and Deku with the first accident at UA. Take the kids during the summer camp, during the license exam, during the war. In a parallel, take Shigaraki Tomura and the League of Villains. They were few, but they reached the top by doing things together.
Deku needs to go beyond, but he can't forget who he is and where he came from. He can surpass All Might, but he doesn't have to completely reject him or leave him behind forever. He needs to act based on the present, but he needs to keep the past close, because the road that take him where he is, that's the road that makes him strong.
There are two lessons in here. Remember this is a meta and it's only my opinion. I can be wrong, you can add whatever you want to this or refute it. I'd love to hear what you think about this!
But well, the first lesson is that you can't live in the past. You can't live in a memory. Yes, maybe that dude rescued you or let you to die somewhere. Yes, maybe the hurt will never go away, maybe you'll never heal completely, but you can't stay there. Living in the past is the same as dying. You can remember it, but then stay in there forever.
The second lesson is that you can become the best you, the hero you or whatever, but you need people to help you. Maybe it's just one person, maybe it's a whole group, but you need someone. Bakugo could have ended up like Endeavor (in the sense of being obsessed with the first place and forgetting to be a decent human being) if it wasn't for his friends at UA. Shoto would have been trapped in his memories if it wasn't for Izuku, etc.
Don't worry, Deku is on his way to be a great hero. At some point, someone is gonna slap him or shake him out of that edgyness. And once the class 1-A and the other kids are set in motion, once they decide it's them (together as one) against all (the quirks of AFO), this is going to become My Hero Academia again.
#Bnha#Mha#Bnha meta#Chapter 317#Deku#Hawks#Dabi#Izuku#Shigaraki#Class 1-A#Boku No Hero Academia#My hero academia#Shan's mha meta#Shan's bnha meta#Hawks meta#Izuku meta#Deku meta#Dabi meta#Shigaraki meta#Midoriya Izuku#keigo takami#Touya Todoroki#Shigaraki tomura#Tomura#AFO#OFA#All Might#Endeavor#Nana Shimura
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Isolation
I think “Lonely” is the primordial emotion. The Mother feeling. At least, perhaps, it is for me. I’ve been lonely my entire life, even and especially while surrounded by the people who care about me.
When I am very happy, the first thing I want to do is to call my best friend. Call my mother. I don’t want to sit in this good news or excitement alone. I want to share it. I want to spread it. I want others to celebrate with. Joy and happiness are only sweeter when shared with others who can join and partake in these things with you.
When I am very sad, I do not wish to sit in despair or lament on my own. I want support. I reach out in hopes others have needed wisdom or assistance, in hopes of community and understanding. Sadness becomes compassion. Despair, Empathy.
Likewise, when I am angry. I find without sharing it anger quickly turns to rage and wrath and resentment. Anger, when shared in community, can become organization. Motivation. Rage steps aside for action. Activism. Movement.
I have found I am not alone in this. Many people react this way when feeling any strong emotion at all.
Emotion, for me, can be a very physical, active, and tangible thing. I don’t just feel happiness, anger, or sadness. I am these things. I am happiness. I am anger. I am relaxed. I am fear. My chest burns. My heart rises to my throat or falls to my stomach. My eyes widen. My gut drops, tightens, relaxes, heats and cools. It’s embodied. It’s painful and aching. It’s balm to a wound, cool and relieving. My hands shake and my legs bounce and I cry and yell or cheer. I sigh and roll my eyes. I breathe. I unclench my jaw and lower my shoulders.
I have always felt everything deeply, intensely, fully. I cannot bring myself to apologize for this. Nor can I change it.
Perhaps it’s a bit like Tinkerbell is said to be. Fairies are so small they only have room for one emotion at once. When she is jealous of Wendy, this becomes all consuming and she embodies envy.
I’ve tried shrinking myself. I’ve tried hiding it. I’ve tried containing everything as best I could. It’s resulted in physical illness and excruciating pain. I don’t want to be palatable to others anymore. I don’t care to be consumable and neat or tidy. Above this, I want a healthy relationship with my internal and bodily self and how the two meld together.
I’ve been called self centered for this, but I pity and sympathize with those who feel this way - constantly setting themselves to the wayside, and taking their emotions out on others through name calling and accusation rather than face their own internal selves. They are deeply afraid at what they see, and it’s too painful to take on, so they choose to ignore and bury it rather than allow it to make itself known and move on. This is how generational trauma forms, and begins the cycles I am determined to break and will take part in no longer. Feeling things in their entirety, giving these emotions full recognition and space is a strength I’ve known few others to understand. People get angry when I insist upon taking up space for myself, but I’ve learned It makes my emotions easier to control, less explosive, and causes less physical and emotional turmoil. Along with the assistance of therapists and medication, which I admit - I am privileged to have access to.
In fact, my intensity can be exhausting and draining to those who do not know how to take care of themselves this same way. I understand I can be a lot to handle, but I make no apologies for it because those who love me understand in order to handle this kind of intense emotional presence they must share it and be working towards like internal goals. Those who give themselves space for emotional care and self examination are less likely to be exhausted by me, and communicate clearer, kinder, and with more respect - what it takes to hold relationship and share an emotional bond with each other. This is why I share such undying and intense love for those who feel the same. My chosen family, my soul partners, my healers, companions and truest friends.
Above all of it, no matter what else I am temporarily feeling at the time, I am nearly always deeply and intensely lonely. Lately, this stems from physical isolation due to a combination of COVID and my own chronic illness. From the feeling of everything I once had planned, all my dreams and ideas and hopes for the future, being pulled out from under me both by personal illness and global pandemic. I watch others move on, go “back to normal”, gather and celebrate - and there is almost too much for even me to feel. Fear, at gathering again when so many are stubbornly unvaccinated. Jealousy, of the ability to do so, and deep pain, at seemingly being ignored and deserted through it all.
Though, of course, I am not alone in this experience whatsoever. Being politically marginalized as woman, disabled, and queer, I find so much in common with these communities, who are watching the same. We are forgotten in the same way, left behind for the same reasons. All while recognizing myself as privileged because I am white and educated. I know for a fact my experiences are not unique, and I am not alone. I recognize this, it is why I write. Why I speak out, refusing to stay silent for a single moment. Without my voice, even while aware I am not alone, I am going through all of this largely by myself. Therapy and meds can only do so much against such an actively, systemically hostile environment as the US currently is for marginalized people. The human body can only handle so much emotional pain. We can only experience/watch so much brutality. We can only ignore and fall deaf to so many cries for help.
I can turn off the news. I can shut off my socials. I can turn off my phone and deactivate my accounts. I can hide post after post all day long. It can only serve so well in the face of simply knowing, deeply, personally, that the violence and desertion and hostility does not go away just because you’re not seeing it anymore. All that means is that I’ve ignored one event - one shooting - one queer child being exiled from their home - one woman in danger - one more ableist rearing their ugly heads - one more needless death of an innocent person. I am sad. I am angry. I am afraid. For legitimate and real reasons. I am so far beyond being able to turn it off, ignore, bury, and pretend anymore. Without large scale cultural, political, and environmental change, everyone I share so much in common with will continue to feel this way.
And all of this makes me profoundly lonely. So this is me, doing what I do when feeling strong emotions. Speaking. Processing. Reaching out. Sharing. Communicating. Giving it space, exposing it in the light for what it is. Here it is, on the table, forced into the open, just like airing out any dirty laundry. It will not be allowed to hide or shrink, because I must be allowed to breathe.
And suddenly, it feels just a little easier to bear.
#authorgeek#mental health#anxiety#depression#long post#therapy#medication#marginalization#politics#COVID#quarantine#isolation#Coronavirus#vaccination#chronic illness#disablity#feminism#ableism#lgbtqia+#bipoc#aapi#voilence#US#trauma#lonliness
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