#but i also worked the whole weekend too and i am so totally spent like burnt out emotionally and on every other level LMAO. anyway | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

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#but i also worked the whole weekend too and i am so totally spent like burnt out emotionally and on every other level LMAO. anyway

bonny-kookoo · 3 months

Text

Jungkook

Princess | Intro/ Part 01

There's more to it than what meets the eye.

Tags/Warnings: Wolfdog Hybrid!Jungkook, Showdog Hybrid!Reader, Enemies to lovers, Angst, Fluff?, Brat!Reader, Jungkook has major brat tamer energy, reader has some issues, mentions of depression

Length: 6.5k Words

-> Masterlist

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

Jungkook hates loosing.

And that’s especially true when it comes to bets- because he also can’t really pass up any opportunity to show off and be the best at something. So when he took on the bet with Jimin, he didn’t think anything of it- after all, even if he lost, he could still simply teach that so-called ‘puppy’ Jimin was supposed to be working with a killer choreo and make his way on top either way.

What Jimin failed to tell him, however, was that you are an absolute menace.

Not only are you spoiled to high heavens and dressed head to toe in pretty designer pieces designed and tailored just for you, no- your attitude is making him want to throw himself into a busy road to be run over by any moving vehicle willing to do so. It’s been not even thirty minutes he’s spent in the meeting room, and he already regrets his big mouth with Jimin.

But maybe it’s just a bad first impression. Maybe, you’re just having a bad day.

“So, basically, we’ve got four weeks to make it work.” Your manager says, having finished his plan as he stands at the end of the table everyone is sitting at, you included- though you clearly do not listen to the conversations happening at all, instead occupied with a game on your switch console, decorated in plastic gemstones and cute stickers, sound not even all the way down as to not interrupt anyone.

Jungkook feels his blood boiling. Can’t you at least attempt to listen? After all, it’s your career that’s on the line.

“I’ll need the possible song choices she made, and I also gotta get a copy of the guidelines and what the judges generally look for. Doesn’t have to be today, but I’d like to have it before we start making anything up.” Jungkook offers, arms crossed. You’ve not even looked at him once today.

If he just went by looks, you’d actually be quite cute- you're clearly taking good care of yourself, and you fall right into the category of hybrid girl he’d see himself interested in- but your character seems to be the exact opposite, as you stare down at the small screen in your hands, lashes long, hiding your gaze a little from him.

“We can totally do that.” Your manager says. “I- uhm.. Are you okay with that too?” He asks towards you, and you simply take in a deep breath before you sigh, shoulders shrugging and head somewhat nodding. Your eyes however never break away from your game, instead, you just adjust your seating postition a little before you become completely detached from the situation again. “I’m sorry about that. She’s.. Having a bad day.” Your manager justifies.

Jungkook smells the lie right away.

“Practice will start at 7 AM then-” Jungkook starts, and that seems to catch your attention as your face turns into a frown. “-And we’ll practice the whole week, except weekends.”

“That’s too early.” You mumble, grumbling down at your game while your legs stretch out under the table, feet brushing against his shins. You’re not wearing shoes, only your knee-high socks, having discarded the slip on’s early on for no apparent reason other than comfort.

“She usually sleeps until.. 11 so..” Your manager starts, and Jungkook has to swallow a growl.

“8.” He says sternly, staring at you who scoffs down at your hands. “She’ll have to get up earlier then.” He decides, making you lift your chin a little, before you save your game, turn off the console and put it on the table, your arms now crossed as well as you finally, for the first time, look at him.

The fire in your eyes could seriously burn someone if it was to be manifested into a real flame, he decides.

“You’ll have to wait until I show up then.” You answer him, and his eyes narrow, feeling challenged. But before he can respond, your manager seems to sense the growing tension between you two, as he dissolves the meeting quickly to have you driven back home.

Jungkook however, can’t let go this easily.

“You forgot to tell me that she’s an absolute bitch.” Jungkook growls into his phone, sitting on his couch with the TV on but on mute. “There’s no way I’ll be working with her for four weeks without committing a crime.” He threatens, and Jimin has the audacity to laugh.

“Oh Jungkookie, don’t let her fool you!” He laughs. “She’s a literal angel, believe me. She just acts all tough.”

“Or she was just interested in you.” Jungkook denies. “I’ve spent barely an hour with her and I already know She’s gonna be a handful to manage.” He sighs.

“Come on now, she’s what? Half your size?” Jimin playfully exaggerates. “Just put her in timeout, big guy, and you’ll be fine.” He jokes, very much aware of Jungkook’s rather dominant nature due to his wolfblood. And while the joke is funny, it’s also a problem.

Jungkook doesn’t know if he can really stay calm while working with you. And his career could be over in a second if he so much as lashes out at you verbally- because no way would someone work with a hybrid choreograph or dancer who can’t keep his cool. He already has issues getting some gigs due to his wolfblood mixed in- one mistake and he can surely put his career to rest.

He really regrets taking on this bet now.

Hopefully this won’t end too badly.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

You really do not turn up at 8 like he told you to.

He’s impatiently waiting in the practice room, your manager and stylist and other staff already present- everyone trying to get a hold of you with no luck at all. It’s only until an hour later that another staff member informs everyone that you’ve finally woken up, and that you’re currently on your way to the practice room.

Jungkook is pissed, to say the least.

If you work like this the entire four weeks, there’s no way he can manage to push a good choreography into your head that you can pull off properly on stage. And if you fail, it’ll be on him- and he just can’t accept that. Hopefully, you’ll warm up to the idea of actually putting effort into this.

Hopefully.

When you finally turn up, you don’t appear to be sorry at all- still somewhat asleep and in no way ready to start practicing anytime soon. Instead, you sit down and take out your breakfast to eat, while your stylist runs a brush through your hair. But what’s odd about this, is more or less that Jungkook can sense a total shift in energy right now.

It’s like they’re shielding you, giving him no access to you until they deem the timing alright.

And you just robotically eat your little breakfast, while everyone else scatters around you, rushing from spot to spot. Jungkook isn’t too sure what exactly might be happening- but then again, it’s also not unusual to see such a scene. You’re a showhybrid after all- meant to look pretty at all times and in every living moment just in case there’s a camera around. And he knows that the practice is going to be filmed occasionally for some behind the scenes content for your fanbase- which is why you have your stylist around in the first place. You’re just supposed to look like you’re not wearing any makeup at all.

No one wants to see reality, because reality is what everyone can witness if they look in the mirror. And that’s boring. That’s not entertaining. That’s not something to be jealous of, or something to admire.

In a way, Jungkook starts to feel a bit sorry for you. Do you ever have a moment for yourself?

Either way, the moment the cameras start running, you switch character almost instantly. Suddenly you’re polite, soft spoken and determined to get every step right- though your true nature does poke it’s head through on occasion, especially when you can’t get something quite right the first or second try.

“Maybe we need to work on how to keep to the beat first.” Jungkook suggests, and at that, you seem to break, sighing with an agitated groan as your tail unravels, falling limp behind you. He’s not seen this happen often- his best friend Yoongi being a dog-hybrid with a curled tail as well, who can be quite grumpy most of the time. But even he never has his tail this.. Lifeless.

It’s unnerving to see.

“I’m not lobotomized, mutt.” You groan, making the manager motion to cut the cameras for a second. “I can keep to a beat, you’re just shit at teaching.” You growl to yourself, sitting down stubbornly as you visibly try and mask the fact that you’re out of breath.

Truth be told, Jungkook isn’t technically a choreographer. He usually works with professional dancers or simply follows whatever he’s given by an artist themselves- so yes, he might actually be a little rusty when it comes to teaching others.

Do you have to be so rude about it though? No.

“Well we’re going around in circles like this.” Jungkook shakes his head. “I’ll get us something to drink. Try and calm down a bit..” He attempts to soothe your temper, as he leaves the practice room- mostly so that he himself can escape the situation for a moment.

He’s not sure what it is. Maybe your scent full of anger and fear filling the space so much that it feels like it’s drowning him in the room, or the fact that you always have to be so rude-

Wait.

Fear?

Alarmed by that, Jungkook walks a bit faster with the water bottles in hand to get back into the room- just to find you not there anymore, everyone looking at him as if they’re surprised to see him back already. “Where is she?” Jungkook asks, and your manager blinks a little, caught off guard.

“She went to get something to drink.” He states, making Jungkook frown.

“I said I’m gonna get us some. Why did she go by herself?” Jungkook asks. “She doesn’t even know where the vending machines are.”

“She said you were taking too long.” A stylist mentions. Jungkook pinches the bridge of his nose.

“I was gone for not even five minutes?” He growls to himself, before he hears you enter the room again, a small juicebox in hand that you punch the tiny straw into. “Don’t just run off.” He scolds you.

You roll your eyes.

“Yeah alright, Daddy.” You scoff, walking past him to sit in a corner- actually facing it for some reason, your back turned towards everyone else.

“Ah, don’t be alarmed.” Your manager explains. “She.. Sometimes does this. We don’t know either why, and we don’t really question it either. Give her a few minutes and she’ll be right back to practice.” He beams at him, and Jungkook feels weirdly played.

Something’s odd here.

But it’s also none of his business.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

The next day, you’re not there on time again.

And despite the fact that Jungkook had told you no food in the practice room was allowed, you clearly disregarded that as nothing but background noise, while you take out your bag of foods in the middle of the large room.

“I said no food in the practice room.” Jungkook scolds, walking towards you to stand right in front of you, arms crossed. “and you’re also late again. Two hours to be exact.”

“You said no food.” You shrug, lifting up the small bag of puffed rice crisps. “That’s snacks.” You respond, making him narrow his eyes and clench his jaw.

“put it to the side.” He says. “You’re here to practice, not to eat.” He reminds you, able to talk freely with almost none of your staff around today.

“can’t practice on an empty stomach.” You respond however, letting yourself fall into your bag, before you take out your phone to scroll on it while you eat your snacks- crumbs already littering the floor. “Why’s your wifi so shit in here?” You mumble to yourself, when suddenly, the signal stops entirely. “Hey, your internet cut off-“ you start, before you spot him putting his phone down. “Turn it back on-“

“Since you’re acting like a brat, I’ll treat you like one.” He simply says. “wifi stays off until you practiced.” He scolds, boldly taking both your snacks and your phone from you to put it on a table close by, the act alone catching you so off guard that it has you frozen in place while you process it. “Do you want to get up yourself or do I need to help you with that as well?” He asks, and you glare at him.

“Touch me and I’ll sue you.” You threaten, and he watches you for a moment as if to see if you’re serious- before he decides you’re clearly not, with the way your tail slightly twitches, clearly needing to be consciously held down by yourself to not wag.

“Alright that’s it.” He simply tells you before he walks towards you, and much to his dismay, you let yourself fall limply down onto the ground as if you’re trying to become liquid. “You’re being ridiculous right now-“

“let me have the wifi again!” You just huff. “and my snacks. I’m hungry.” You argue.

“get up earlier tomorrow and have breakfast then.” He shakes his head, before he grabs your wrists to lift you into a sitting position. But the moment he lets go, you’ve flopped back down again, lips twitching.

Now your tail is wagging, clearly.

“so that’s what you’re after, huh?” Jungkook clicks his tongue. “too bad. I’m not playing your game.” He says, before he walks to the side where all his stuff is, changing his shoes.

“wait- What’re you doing?” You ask, watching him tie his sneakers.

“going home.” He answers without looking. “were clearly not getting anywhere.”

You sigh, groaning out lout before you angrily hit the floor-

Getting up to walk towards him, pulling his jacket from his hands before you let it fall onto the table. “I wanna practice.” You pout.

“What a bummer, princess.” He answers, taking his jacket back to slip it on. “I don’t. Now get your stuff, and then-“ He tells you, walking closer before he points to the door behind you. “-get out.” He demands.

And you just angrily huff at yourself, doing just that.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

You fail to get to practice on time again the day after.

And the day after that.

But on friday, Jungkook has finally had enough of your poor excuses and frankly stupid behavior.

"Why is she late this time?" Jungkook asks your staff, jaw clenched as he's already frustrated again. You're clearly not taking this seriously, and he honestly doesn't know how anyone else has ever managed to work with you in any way.

"We're.. not sure." Your manager says, face showing his own shame about your behavior. "She turned her phone off, we can't reach her."

That's it.

Jungkook can understand a lot of things. You're used to being spoiled and having everything set in front of you on a silver platter- he gets that. Sometimes, people's minds can be poisoned by wealth and success. But turning off your phone? That's too far.

What if something actually happened? What if you're sick, in need of help, in danger? This is absolutely ridiculous behaviour, and he does not care anymore. "She said she lives in the city here, right?" Jungkook asks, and the manager nods. "Alright, where exactly?" He wonders, and a stylist of yours calls out your address.

And that sets him off even further- because you barely live ten minutes away from him. Which means there's not even a single reason as to why you would be late at all.

"What are you going to do?" Your manager worries as Jungkook changes his shoes and slips on his jacket, grabbing the keys to his motorcycle.

"I'm getting her myself."

If there’s one thing Jungkook hates, then it’s people isolating themselves just for their own convenience. It’s mainly due to his best friend years back doing that constantly- turning off his phone to get some quiet time for himself, until he actually did end up being in trouble.

And when someone tried to call him, and couldn’t get a hold of him, they just thought ‘It’s probably one of those days again.’

If Jungkook didn’t go against his better judgement, if he didn’t end up checking up on him despite his mind telling him that it was for nothing, Yoongi would not be alive today.

He rings your doorbell multiple times, annoyingly so to get you to stand up at some point. There’s no way you can sleep through that, especially when he starts angrily knocking onto your door. Suddenly, you open it, staring at him with eyes barely open. “What.” You ask, and Jungkook takes a look at you for a second.

You’ve clearly been asleep, but you don’t look rested at all- eyes barely open as you glare at him, and funnily enough, one of your ears is even a bit floppy- not quite entirely down, but also no standing as straight as it usually does. “You’re late.” Jungkook scolds. You attempt to close the door again, making him attempt something dangerous.

He puts his hand in between the door.

But, maybe Jimin wasn’t so wrong after all, because you immediately open the door again, now wide awake as you look at his hand, worried you might’ve hurt him. Only when you don’t find anything you push his palm back towards him, and cross you arms.

“Come on.” He says, nodding towards the hallway behind him.

“No.” You deny.

“What do you mean, no?’ he asks, agitated.

“I said no. I don’t wanna.” You answer, walking back into your apartment- and with your door left open, he takes it as an invitation to walk inside.

The second he closes the door and turns around, he’s in shock.

Cardboard boxes, trash bags, crumpled papers and wrappings all over the place. Shoes litter the entrance area, your coats are thrown over the chairs at your open kitchen which sink is filled with unwashed dishes. The windows are shut, curtains heavy as they hide the mess in your home from the outside world. It’s so dark that Jungkook feels like if he wasn’t a hybrid, he most likely wouldn’t be able to see where he’s stepping at all.

How long have you been living like this?

The apartment isn’t big, there doesn’t seem to be many rooms at all. After searching for a bit he finds you curled up in your large bed, pink bedsheets and blankets halfway on the floor while your little gaming console chimes and beeps while you play.

“..come on now, you’ve.. got the weekend off.” Jungkook says. “it’s just today-“

“I said I don’t want to.” You growl, face focused on your game. “now fuck off and leave me.”

Jungkook sighs. This really isn’t any of his business.

But somehow, as he walks back into the main area of the small apartment, he finds himself opening a new trashbag to throw away all the plastic strewn around. He puts your shoes in order, places the garbage bags in a corner to have them out the way, before he rips the cardboard apart to throw away easier later. He’s not sure why he’s doing that- maybe partially to annoy you and get you to get out of bed, or maybe because he pities you.

This isn’t just laziness. From the way you act, to the body language you scream out quietly, to the fact that you don’t seem motivated for anything at all.

This is something deeper.

“What’re you doing?” You growl from a corner, before you walk closer to rip the cardboard box from his hands, throwing it in a corner again. “I told you to fuck off.” You threaten, and he nods.

“heard it loud and clear.” He agrees with crossed arms, and you huff.

“Ears seem to be working then.” You snap. “the mistake must be in your brain.”

“I can assure you it’s working just fine as well.” He answers, and you snarl at that, distinctive canines showing.

“Then why are you still here digging through my shit?!” You bark at him, and he shrugs.

“Because no one deserves to rot away like this.”

It’s quiet at that, for a good moment. The only sound heard is the clock in the kitchen ticking, some faint rain against the windows, and a garbage bag slowly slipping a little from its position. And when it falls to the floor, he catches a short second of your eyes tearing up, before you turn around, looking away from him before you run off into your bedroom-

But the door won’t close with all the clutter, making you angrily growl at it while you try and somewhat pull it close.

Jungkook slowly walks towards you, to pull your hands off of the door handle, making you drop down to the floor in defeat, sitting right on your clothes that are laying on the floor. “leave me alone.” You cry to yourself, head low and hybrid ears even lower as you sit there, kicking away some of the clutter.

The wolfdog hybrid slowly squats down to your level, before he carefully moves a broken jar away from your leg and onto a small table close by. “What’s going on with you?” He finally asks, and you kick your leg again at that, a small box flying through the room.

“I just want to be alone!” You bark. “I don’t want anyone in here, I don’t want to go to practice, I don’t want to do this stupid contest, I don’t want anyone to look at me!” You complain loudly, and Jungkook would easily call this a textbook temper tantrum, if it wasn’t for your clearly desperate tears.

“did you tell your management?” He asks, and you scoff, sniffling.

“as if they care!” You huff. “it’s always just do this, do that, go here, eat that, smile, be nice, film everything.!” You tell him. “I want to go home!” You begin to cry now, hiding your face in your hands.

“Home?” Jungkook wonders, unsure what you mean. Isn’t this your home?

“I just wanna go home..” you continue to cry into your hands. “I wanna go see mom, and dad..” you mumble muffled into your palms, and Jungkook feels terrible seeing you like this. He doesn’t know you, but something is clearly not right. This isn’t acting, because your body language, your scent- everything tells him that you’re in genuine distress.

“Maybe you can visit them?” He wonders, slowly reaching out to put his hand on your knee, offering silent comfort that you, for now, seem to accept. “do they live far away-“

“they won’t let me.” You say. “they told them.. they told them I don’t wanna see them and that I hate them, and now they hate me.” You whimper.

“They?” the wolfdog asks, pushing some clutter to the side to sit down as well.

“the company.” You mumble. “because.. my dad didn’t want me to move away back when.. when I was still a pup.” You say. A pup possibly meaning that you were still underage. “and.. back then, I thought it was for the best. This was such a one-in-a-million chance..” you reveal to him. “I thought it was worth it.”

“Do they threaten you?” Jungkook worries, and you’re quiet for a moment.

“..They’re all I have.” You admit. “my.. my apartment. My money. My name. They own me.” You say, defeat evident in your voice as you slowly calm down again, tension leaving your body. “just.. leave me alone.”

“I cant.” Jungkook denies with a sigh. “not anymore.”

“fuck off-“ you start, grabbing at his hand, but he somehow moves it around, holding yours now instead.

“I won’t.” He sternly says. “Alright? I don’t know how, but I’ll figure something out.” He promises, and you look up at him with slightly red eyes, confused.

“Figure out what?” You ask, and he smiles.

“How to bring you home.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

You’re very clearly not very happy about Jungkook currently cleaning your apartment with you.

You’re slow and sluggish, and you constantly complain about everything- and Jungkook can somewhat understand it. You’ve quite literally buried yourself in this little cave, having someone take it apart like this must be horribly uncomfortable. But it’s for the best- and you’ll soon realize that.

That doesn’t mean you don’t annoy him, still.

“Come on now, get up.” Jungkook scolds you, as he watches you sit on the couch.

“What?” You complain. “I’m cleaning.. under the coffee table.” You pretend, but he doesn’t take that as an appropriate answer.

“We agreed on one area at a time. We’re still in the kitchen.” He says. “now get over here and help me with the dishes. I wash, you dry.” He decides, making you somewhat reluctantly get up. It’s odd to have anyone in your apartment at all, since not even staff is allowed inside- you constantly find and make up excuses to keep them out at all times. This is your only safe space, after all.

The only place no one is looking at you.

“yesterday..” jungkook slowly says, putting another plate towards you so you can dry it. “..you said that the company owns you.” He remembers, and you nod. “To what degree?”

“I have an independence license.” You say. An independence license is basically a permanent permit to live on your own, and also work on your own. Basically, with it, you don’t need an owner at all. “But.. the company has full control over my finances and such. And they own my, you know, brand name.” You shrug.

“I meant it, you know?” He tells you, draining the sink of the soapy water. “I’ll try and figure something out.”

“Don’t bother.” You simply say. “it doesn’t matter.”

“It does.” Jungkook denies, drying his hands on a towel. But you stay silent as you put the dishes away in their proper places, not really sparing him any glance at all again.

Jungkook doesn’t really know yet how to help you. First, he wants to somehow get into contact with your parents and set things right again- maybe he can get their names and phone number from jimin who’s been working you for a good while now. And then, maybe they can help, too.

“I’m tired.” You complain as you sit down on the now finally somewhat clean floor, all the trash in bags and in a corner.

“You can take a nap.” Jungkook agrees, and you look at him with positive surprise.

“wait, really?!” You ask, tail wagging a little.

“sure. You’ve been working hard.” He approves. “and now that your couch isn’t cluttered, you can take a proper nap there.”

“Why not my bed?” You whine, disappointed.

“bed is for proper sleep. Couch is for naps.” He explains. “if you go to bed now you’ll just start rotting again.”

You stay quiet for a good moment, before you speak again, looking out the windows, curtains by now pulled open. Slowly, you walk over to the couch to sit down on, staring at your hands in your lap.

“I’m such a fuck up, am I not?” You sigh. “imagine if people knew how much of a failure I am.”

“You’re not a failure.” Jungkook denies, sitting down next to you on the couch. “just.. a bit lost at the moment.”

“Jungkook..” you say quietly, looking at his chest. “I really want to go home.” You admit, and he smiles softly.

“I know. And I’ll figure out a way, promise.” He offers, opening his arms. And much to his surprise, you take the invitation- even so much as to crawl onto his lap, leaning against his chest with your arms wrapped around him. It’s a lot more than he thought this was going to be, but he also can’t deny that this feels oddly comforting for him too.

And even though your tail is still limp and lifeless, at least you’re starting to open up. And maybe jimin was right after all.

Maybe you’re just acting tough.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

Jungkook quickly learns that you really must’ve left home at a very young age- because you’re very much completely lost in translation when it comes to general tasks that fall onto someone when they live alone.

You’ve got no idea how to properly do laundry, you don’t know how to cook at all, and you have no idea what cleaning products to use for what. When he asked you if you had some window cleaner, you’d stared at him for a good second before you asked him why he can’t just use soap- and cooking in your book is simply boiling water for instant noodles.

It’s no wonder your apartment was in the state it was in. No one ever taught you how to look after yourself and your own home.

“Alright?” Jungkook asks while you stare at the washing machine with a determined gaze.

“put the clothes in, put the soap-squishy-thing in, close the door and then set it to that program there.” You repeat. Jungkook nods.

“But-?” He presses, and you stare at him for a second, thinking.

“But...uh..” you try and find an answer. “no colored stuff with white clothes? And no black with colors?” You try, and he grins, tail wagging.

“Good girl. See? You’re not dumb, you just didn’t know.” He praises. “now press start and then we can go laze around a little until it’s done.” He says, making you happily press the start button.

Something that Jungkook has noticed, is that the entire apartment seems oddly.. sterile almost, in that it looks and feels taken straight out of a magazine. You’ve got no thing personal it seems like, no blankets that aren’t a neutral color, no toys, no plushies despite you telling him by now that you love these things. Instead, you only really have your little gaming console and that’s it- your bedroom is mostly taken over by designer clothes and shoes, as well as all sorts of accessories. The bathroom contains shelves full of skincare for face and body, but everything else appears to be not at all to be your personality.

“You can get yourself some new blankets for the couch now that we’ve cleaned up.” Jungkook mentions, but at that you simply begin to pout next to him, legs pulled close to you as you slide down a little, slouching.

“Nah, they’ll say no.” You huff, watching the TV commercial play.

So you really meant it when you said that the company has full control over your money. He believed it might just involve big spendings, which would make sense- but it looks like it more so involves every single purchase you make instead.

“How long is your contract?” He asks, and you shrug.

“I think forever.” You say, flopping to the side, legs hanging off to the floor. “I don’t know.”

“Thats.. not legal.” Jungkook frowns. “did you never renew it?”

“Huh?” Your ears tilt towards him for a second. He still wonders why one of your ears is floppy these days. “..no. I don’t think I ever did.”

“I.. how long have you been with them?” He asks, and you hold your hands in front of you to start counting. And the more fingers you seem to add, the more concerned he becomes.

“Well, I uh.. wait, I left when I was..” you mumble to yourself. “and now that I’m.. I think eleven years?” You answer, looking at him.

The maximum contract length for hybrids is five years.

Five.

“I.. okay, can you do me a favor?” He asks, and you nod, slowly sitting up. “next time you’re at your company’s HQ, try and get a hold of a copy of your contract. But don’t tell anyone what you need it for.” He says.

If he can get a copy of whatever slave contract you’re under, getting you out of it will be easy. There’s strict laws for hybrids in place after all- one can’t just work them like pets, there’s rules every company has to follow. And that is the same in your industry as well.

“am I gonna go to jail?” You ask, and Jungkook shakes his head.

“No no, you did nothing wrong.” He denies, reaching out to pet your head- pleasantly surprised when you visibly accept the gesture.

Because he speaks the truth. You did nothing wrong.

You were simply used from the start.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

On Monday, jungkook is standing at your door, 7 AM.

And you really, really do not want to go with him.

“Come on now-“ he urges again, pulling on your fluffy sweater while you cling to the doorframe of your apartment building entrance, having just seen what exactly Jungkook uses as his preferred means of transportation.

“No, you’re not getting me on that death-trap, no way in hell!” You complain, escaping his grasp just for a second before his arms are around your middle, easily removing your fingers from the door with a smile sent towards the security guard as reassurance, before he carries your struggling body towards his Harley. “No!” You complain. “This is kidnapping! Abduction!” You cry out, before he puts the helmet he’d gotten recently on your head, hands fastening the strap beneath your chin before he gets onto the motorcycle as well, sitting in front of you.

And the second it roars to life, you’re clinging to him with arms and legs involved, resulting in Jungkook adjusting your grip a little to not strangle him.

Well- at least he’s not driving fast.

“I hate you.” You complain when he removes the helmet again in the underground parking lot beneath the dance studio, pupils still blown wide, cheeks a bit flushed.

“If you just got up yourself like a big girl, I wouldn’t have to drive you.” He easily tells you, helping you down from the vehicle. “we’ll do this again and again until you learn.” He explains, stepping into the elevator with you- still lowly growling to yourself, pissed off at his attitude.

You’re not a kid. He’s stupid.

But it does work, because at least you somewhat practice with him for a few hours, before you stubbornly lay down starfish style in the middle of the practice room, demanding a break- one he grants for once, even if it’s just ten minutes.

“I really don’t wanna go to that contest.” You huff, half of your face squished against the shiny floorboards. Jungkook slowly walks towards you, squatting down to flick his finger against one of your ears that’s again, a little floppy today.

“I know.” He answers, because he does still remember your outburst, devastating cries edged into his mind.

“Hey Jungkook?” you ask, as he absent-mindedly rubs your ear between his fingers, almost enchanted by the softness of it.

“Yeah?” He answers, noticing the way you clearly enjoy such a simple touch to the fullest. You’re constantly surrounded by people, and yet it’s clear that you’re touch-starved and just treated like a doll and nothing else. How lonely must you have been until now?

“Do you have a girlfriend?” You ask. “or a boyfriend?” You wonder, leaning into his hand with closed eyes.

“No.” He answers, unsure and most of all suspicious.

“nice.” You smile, tail wagging softly. “I’m your girlfriend then.” You decide, and he freezes.

“...what?” He asks, sitting down now, a water bottle next to his crossed legs. “You can’t.. that’s not how it works.” He explains, but you shrug.

“My mom and my dad didn’t like each other either.” You reply, staring at nothing ahead, chin on your hands. “they just.. got together out of convenience. Cause they were the same hybrid breed, and I guess didn’t have anyone else at the time.” You mumble. “love isn’t real anyways. I’m pretty- isn’t that enough for you to like me?” You ask, turning your head to look at him with a gaze so.. detached that it makes him feel pity.

Is that your view on the world around you?

“You are pretty.” He responds. “but that’s not a foundation for.. a relationship.” He shakes his head.

“I don’t mind that you’re a mix.” You shrug. “you’re handsome, I’m pretty, and I have money.” You say. “if we get together thousands will flock to your dance studio. You’ll be super successful. “ You propose to him. “doesn’t even have to be for long. You can just.. I don’t know. Spend some time with me until you get bored, and then move on.”

“No.” He denies again. You frown.

“Huh.” You huff, slowly sitting up. “whatever then, I guess.”

“Do you even like me?” he asks you, confused, and you shrug before nodding.

“You’re nice. A bit stick-up-you-ass, but overall nice.” You offer.

Jungkook just watches you for a second, in full disbelief at what had been done to you. Raised in a place of luxury, with a golden spoon in your mouth and lies fed daily to create the view you have on everything around you right now. No kindness without some ulterior motive fits your reality. Everything has to be convenient for everyone involved.

“I don’t want a relationship without love, no matter what I might gain from it.” He explains himself, and you roll your eyes, before you flop onto your back, arms crossed again as you sulk. “You shouldn’t settle for less either.”

“Yeah well I wont get that.” You answer. “no one wants me. They want.. her.” You say, while twirling the silver name tag from around your neck in your fingers.

Until he leans over you, body entirely covering yours for a second, causing you to become nervous and wide eyed at his bold move. He’s looking at your neck, and you’re sure he must’ve realized what’s in it for him- after all, everyone is out for something to gain.

His hands move around your neck, fingers warm. You close your eyes as his face draws closer, awaiting the inevitable.

When suddenly, the collar around your neck is undone, and pulled off your neck.

“what-“ you ask, eyes open again as you watch him still above you, now looking into your eyes, and no longer anywhere else.

“I don’t want her.” He says, referring to the name on the tag around your neck that’s now in his hand, pushed into the floorboards where he holds himself up.

“But I’d like to get to know you instead.”

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook imagine #bts jungkook imagine #hybrid imagine #bts jungkook fanfic #jungkook x reader #bts jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook imagines #jungkook imagines #bts jeon jungkook imagine #bts jeon jungkook x reader

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aleksanderscult · 1 month

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What kind of "Alina" did Aleksander want?

I've seen so many different people in this fandom give their own opinion about how did the Darkling wanted Alina to be.

Did he wanted her meek, weak and obedient?

Did he wanted her strong and powerful?

So I took the liberty of creating this post to analyze this issue through his own words, thoughts and actions.

I know how popular the "Aleksander wanted her submissive by the way he put that collar around her" theory it but it doesn't really stand because:

A) we will never know how things would turn out if Baghra didn't approach Alina that particular night but it actually seems that he wanted to take her with him to the north.

“The key to the Shadow Fold is finally within our grasp, and right now, I should be in the war room, hearing their report. I should be planning our trip north. But I’m not, am I?”

He couldn't keep the truth from her forever so at some point of that journey he would definitely spill the beans to her.

B) he forcefully put the collar around her throat because she showed resistance at the worst possible moment. The Darkling had already set the wheels in motion: the King was slowly getting sick and the whole country (and most importantly, their enemies) would know it (so he had to work fast before anybody got any ideas of siege, rebellion or war) and he himself would have to show his true colors and plans. By having Alina slip away and act all dramatically with Mal was a blow to his plan and stomach since not only he had Alina as an enemy now but he fell for her so her rejection hurt him on a personal level.

(that weekend MUST have been the worst of his life)

He didn't want her to take that power unwillingly:

Or steal her powers in a violent manner:

He had little time and little patience. He worked his ass off for centuries and tolerated so much bullshit from the monarchs. He wouldn't allow her to foil his schemes. But it's also interesting how his feelings got in the way too and, therefore, acted impulsively.

But! How did he want her?

Well, the very fact that he grew up around a very strong, powerful and stubborn woman is an answer by itself. Baghra's influence definitely played its part if you look at this from a psychological point of view.

“It seems that most men are after a significant other that will essentially replace their mum.

A recent study by eHarmony has found that 64 percent of men are in a relationship with someone who shares significant personality traits with their mother. Fortunately, it’s totally normal from an evolutionary, psychological standpoint.”

Many studies have shown that plenty of men and women search a partner that resembles their mother and father respectively.

It wouldn't be surprising if Aleksander was the same given how many centuries he spent with his own mother and how much of an influence the latter was to her son in his childhood.

There is an abundant amount of proof in the books that Aleksander wanted Alina to be strong, powerful, to embrace her true self and believed that there was more to her.

He thought of her as someone like him and could see himself in her, no matter how much Alina denied it.

Baghra raised him to value power, so seeing Alina shy away from it is strange and peculiar to him. She has the chance to change everything and she seeks things that are beneath her. Aleksander can't fathom that because he doesn't believe that she's meant for something as simple and pathetic as this.

He chastises her for the choices she makes and the wishes she has. She was destined to shine and be seen and here we are watching a girl trying to hide her potential.

If Aleksander wanted her submissive he would be glad to see her state in the beginning of S&S. She's weak, right? So a perfect victim to have that can't fight him back. But, in fact, he's furious, disappointed and unsurprised with her state.

Aleksander never wanted her meek or weak. He even admired her stubborness:

(there is a sense of admiration and annoyance here)

BUT he never wanted that stubborness and ferocity to be directed against him:

He even thought of her better than the men that surrounded her and believed that they couldn't measure up to her power:

The aftermath of their battle in the chapel is extremely interesting because we see the Darkling showing a genuine admiration for her powers and how quickly she (sort of) mastered them:

It also seemed that he showed understanding for the fact that she wanted to keep her freedom. Now that was a very good reason to fight him in his eyes. Since the Darkling himself believed in freedom and fought for it.

And, of course, he offered her a throne at his side. He didn't mind sharing power as long as she wasn't an obstacle to his plans.

He strongly believed in equality between them and according to the author he envisioned a future with her:

In order to have someone to keep your power under control then that person needs to be as powerful as you.

And then we have him at his most vulnerable state confess that he didn't lie about equality after all:

He talked about equality again and again. His disgust and anger every time he saw her weak from not using her powers was prevalent as well as his admiration every time she used her powers to their fullest.

The only thing in which he found her inferior to him was her knowledge of power. Which is understandable since Aleksander had much more time to understand it, study it and use it.

In RoW, his anger and disappointment for her state continues.

So:

1) He believed that she could rule as Queen and her life in hiding is not right for her.

2) He believed that she was meant to be powerful and strong and stood by that statement many times.

3) Didn't consider her life a worthy life at all.

The only character in the Grishaverse, the one that people keep saying that she wanted her weak, was the only one that wanted the opposite for her and considered her fate disgusting, wrong and tragic.

His plan of having Alina on an equal stand beside him continued in this book as well:

Which means that he wasn't lying when he said that he didn't intend to make a slave of her.

And of course her stubborness was a trait that he found annoying and admiring at the same time. It showcased how strong-willed she really was:

So according to his own thoughts and words, I would say that Aleksander actually admired her fierceness and determination. It showed strength and he found it attractive. In fact, it probably even enhanced his conviction that she was the right partner for him.

But he didn't want that hostility to be directed against him and his plans. Which is not weird at all because what kind of person would like someone to screw up his goals.

In conclusion: Aleksander was actually the biggest fan of "powerful Alina".

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starvi-boi · 2 days

Text

yall asked me how i did it so here we go:

first of all, if you dont struggle with an ed or are in recovery than dont interact or read this. i am pro recovery for everyone except myself. stay safe everyone!!

my situation:

im 167 cm tall

i started at 67.7kgs and now im 43kgs, (bmi 24.3 -> 15.4)

i live with my parents and they after two months noticed and now they watch what i eat

it took me around 5 months but during 2 of them i was just maintaining because of miscalculations and binges

1) meals:

i do omads, its really effective, keep it around 350 - 900 cals a day, i used to fast for few days every now and then but omads work wonders

heres how my week looks:

mon: 400-700

tue: 400-800

wen: 400-600

thu: 350-650

fri: 400-800

sat: 900-1200

sun: 850-1250

omading dinner works quite well and so does omading breakfast, but i prefer dinners, i can keep my morning skinny all day and i dont have to walk outside being bloated af

2) exercise:

i do around 5 hours climbing a week, after 3 months i added a 20 minute workout every day that i dont climb, also sometimes i spent whole days climbing on rocks outside

i also have 2 hours of pe a week

i try to get at least 5k steps, mostly i get around 6k a day

im not a try hard in exercise, sometimes i go inline skating but its for fun

i dont distract burnt cals from the days total. i dont.

3) pürging:

i used to pürge anything that was over 500 cals, but it was useless, dont do it, its not helping, i did this only the first 2 months because of guilt

4) binging:

before i began eating less, i used to binge like 4 times a week (around 4k cals), it used to be my coping mechanism

at first i didnt binge at all, i didnt eat because of guilt, i hated food

lately ive been binging on low-cal stuff which is bad, but at least its not as high cal (i actually crave low-cal things), but now i tell myself this: 'enjoy the emptiness, nothing can fill in the void inside, especially not food' and it has helped a lot

but im not rlly sure what to do about it- it just sometimes happens

5) weight ins:

i do them everyday in the evening before dinner, i dont drink water during the day (dont do this, i forget to drink and am used to that, stay hydrated), which makes me not want to eat because id gain the food and water weight, if i knew i was having two meals id weight in in the morning

6) metab days:

since i live with my parents who now check on me, i do them on weekends - both days, i mostly binge on those days (sometimes even 3k cals) lol

i aim for 900-1100 cals on them because on other days i try to restrict as much as possible and my bmr is around 1200

even though they seem scary, theyre very much needed!!

7) rituals:

i dont snack, only gum - it works amazing (i go through like 30 a day :'))

i always plan my cals for the day in the morning and always add in the food before eating it

i spend a lot of time on edblr and edtwt and edtt, motivating

i always have an emergency snack on me and water, im allowed to eat it if im too dizzy or too weak

8) my tips:

never eat alone. never.

eat only at the table - it makes it really annoying to sit there while eating which makes me not wanna eat

romanticize hunger (not the best but ykyk), be a good ana, be pure, be pretty

wear layers, youre gonna be freezing all the time

vaping/smoking can help if youre already into it, dont start with it just because i said it might work

be patient.

skip any meal you can, fake eating, empty packages, hiding food in clothes, taking in to your room, dirty plates, sitting and staring at an empty cup licking the clean spoon over and over as if the cup was full so you seem like youre eating... anything

dont obsess over food, obsess over being skinny and over fasting!!

dont eat more than 2 meals a day

prepare your own food so you can calculate it right

high volume low cal stuff and high protein stuff are your new best friends (lettuce, peppers, cucumbers, pickles, rice cakes, tomatoes, melons, coldfish, chicken breasts, cottage cheese)

warm water fills you up, so does coffee and tea

be nice to yourself, reward yourself when you do good, make it a game - points for being good -> rewards you can buy with your points, when you mess up you have to extract few points

take it slow, one day at a time or one week at a time, you have plenty of time, messing up is okay (one binge doesnt make you fat just as one fast doesnt make you skinny, but doing it repeatedly will)

if youre getting weak -> increase your cals, its better to get your energy back but maintain for few weeks than it is to be weak and passing out

9) do what works for you

i cant do longer fasts because of my family, just because this worked for me doesnt mean its gonna work for you, find what you can do and stick with it

i really suck at portion control so i omad, its way easier for me to not eat than to eat small amounts through out the day

thats it for now!! thanks for reading, if i think of something more ill write it down!!

#i will be a skeleton #i will be weightless #i will reach my ugw #edmeme #i hate calories #starv3 #unhealthy weight loss #lose weight fast #anatips #ana #tw ana trigger #tw ana diary #ana advice #ana tips #unhealthy diet

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malleleothreesome · 3 months

Note

ERICA?! MAL? LEO?! I’M NOT SURE WHAT TO CALL YOU BUT THAT FELLOW SNIPPET WAS SCRUMDIDDLYUMPTIOUS AND SCREW EVERYTHING BECAUSE IT WAS A SNIPPET BUT ITS STILL STUCK IN MY HEAD! AND I CANNOT IMAGINE THE REST OF THE FIC IN MY HEAD AND safe to say it is and will remain rent free for the next couple of days, months, years, and I’ll probably forget and reread it again when my two keychains of fellow and playful land come in and fangirl all over again over your fic from Stage sex to this snippet it’s like my favorite song that i want to have the experience of listening to for the first time again after replaying it so many times, that’s how i feel about your fellow writing. Your single-handedly feeding the fellowives thank you

Referencing this post

HAHAHA you can call me Erica! I'm like, totally geeking out about this ask. THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY FOR REAL!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS, I'M TRULY TOUCHED THAT MY WRITING IMPACTED YOU IN SUCH A PROFOUND WAY!!!

I've been having a real hard time writing lately... some of yall might have seen a poll where I asked if I should post a work now or after it was completely finished. Welp, I was about to post it, and then I realized through rereading it and also getting my fiancé to proofread it, it totally sucked bad. Like it needs a complete overhaul, and that was after I spent the whole weekend working on it and thinking that what I was writing was really great. There are a lot of great parts to it IMO, but it doesn't make sense as a cohesive story. I've been too ambitious lately with my writing endeavors. So, I had to take a break from that, and I feel like I haven't had any successes lately or anything worth posting (besides the snippet you're referring to!)

So, thanks to this ask, this weekend my goal is to keep working on that snippet and hopefully get it to a point where I can complete it and post it! And then, I'll start working on Stage Sex Part 2, since I know everyone is waiting for that with bated breath.

I am so happy to continue feeding the fellowives, I will keep this man alive until October when we hopefully get more official Fellow crumbs.

#‧͙+ ̊*・༓☾ Erica Answers ☽༓・* ̊+‧͙#Also I've got some Fellow/Plafulland keychains coming in soon from Asta and I'm really excited for them!

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thekoopalingsandstuffs · 4 months

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Since the OP isn't feeling well-

What do all these lovely characters do when they're having a "sick day"?

Jr: "I usually take a nice, hot bath at some point!! It's very relaxing!! Ooh, and I also eat some soup!! I love soup!!"

Lemmy: "Consume as much NyQuil as realistically possible. Ya can't be sick if you're unconscious!!!"

Larry: "I go to school anyways and make it my mission to get as many people sick as possible."

Morton: "Once I get all my morning chores done, I usually let myself take a quick ten or so minute nap, then go back to working. The cooking and cleaning isn't gonna do itself!!"

Wendy: "I treat myself!!! Get a big bowl of ice-cream, wear fuzzy pajamas and slippers, brag to all my friends that I'm skipping school—My bedroom becomes PARADISE!!!"

Iggy: "I usually lay down in bed and try to just relax. Nibbles cuddles with me and makes me feel much better!!"

Ludwig: "I try not to do much... Just sleep so I can recover. Maybe read a book or two. Whenever I stay home sick, though, Roy always insists on staying home with me and becoming my personal maid. Which is extremely unnecessary. But, I still appreciate it...... I have to be careful because being sick makes my incontinence ten times worse."

Roy: "Assuming that I'm not sick because I'm taking care of my already-sick siblings and am busy watching over them... I probably end up laying on the couch and binging TV shows. Nothing special. There's not much I can do. Nor WANT to do."

Peasley: "Whenever I've been sick in the past, my mother has personally spent every single minute until I recover, bringing me the most nutritious foods, making sure that I'm comfortable at all times, babying me, entertaining me... I like being sick! I usually end up forgetting that I feel like trash 'cuz I get treated so perfectly!"

Nabbit: "I get spoiled, too! Well, maybe not AS much... Whenever I come down with something, my pa goes out, robs every pharmacy and house in the area, steals all the meds, soups, water bottles, blankets, pillows, the whole shebang! All the crime for the rest of the day is dropped so he can focus on making sure that I am the happiest disease-ridden lady in the whole kingdom!!"

Motley: "... My mommy has to be at work and can't usually take days off, so when I'm sick, I just lay in bed by myself until I feel better."

Topper: "We have a rule in our house. Since the four of us all have different medical issues and constantly have reasons to want to get out of school, it's been decided that we can only have a total of five days off per month. That way, we don't take advantage of our issues to skip class. So it's important that you have a good reason to stay home, keep in mind that you might really need a day off later, and once you have your day off, don't waste it. That being said, I usually spend my sick days sleeping or reading. I can't be too active, because having a cold combined with asthma will make me almost constantly out of breath."

Hariet: "Sick days? Oh no, I don't do those." :3 "I have a perfect attendance record to maintain. Plus, there is NOTHING I can't bear through for seven hours. School is important!!"

Topper: *Rolls his eyes*

Hariet: "If I'm having a sick day on the weekend or whatever, though... I put all my energy into recovering. Sleep good, drink lots of fluids, eat healthy, etc."

Rango: "I usually just eat. They say to eat soup when you get sick! I eat soup, brownies, chicken nuggets, pizza, pop-tarts, cereal, noodles, cheese sticks—Really, I'll eat anything that we have!! I find that eating junk food is surprising therapeutic and good for the soul! Also, I have an EXCELLENT metabolism!!" :D

Spewart: "Most of the time, if I'm staying home, it isn't because I have a cold or something. It's 'cuz I'm having a CVS episode. In which case, I spend the whole day laying in bed, on the couch, or possibly even just on the floor, in agony. All with a bucket keeping me company. For when I throw up! Which I may do a hundred times! Or not at all, resulting in a tummy-ache that lasts the WHOLE day and won't go away. Yay me!"

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wildwomanspirituality · 8 months

Text

A week of success stories

Be careful what you wish for!

I'd love to share the happening of the past few days with you for two reasons. 1 is the bridge of events - you never know what leads to your manifested desire, even seemingly negative events can lead there and 2 be careful what you wish for, you might just get it but maybe not the way you prefer it...

So I try to be short but it's a long story of the past app. one week or so. I got my period and this one made me really insecure - I got very bloated which made me feel fat, breakouts made me feel ugly and my hair got super greasy too. In addition my boyfriend left for the weekend and it made me feel worse - I had doubts about what I want, what he wants and nightmares about him leaving me. Plus the whole time I felt so shit so I chose to do nothing - I abandoned all my practices (yoga, meditation, journaling, affirmations etc which is the worst I can do for myself). I started to go down on a negative thought spiral and ended up in a bad mental place.

So the next week we're off to work and this site we are working on was super shit, I never worked on a hard site as this ever before, and this week is super hot. I was suffering in my protection gear (I work in forestry- now in the sun wearing a helmet, with a 15kg machine and thick clothes to protect from brambles and stuff). I really didn't want to do this, I wished I could stay home and do things I like instead.

Well, guess what? The very same day I ended up with a sun stroke. A very bad one - I cried from headache (no meds worked), I got shivers, I even puked. I felt like a truck ran over me.

But then... this lead me to everything I wanted. I spent the past 2 days at home, recovering and my lovely boyfriend took the best care of me. Whenever I got sick, my exes always got upset for having to take care of me and complaining they can't do their own stuff and even called me a burden. I was worried he might feel the same (I totally forgot I am the operant power...-.-) but he sat next to me and caressed my face and told me that he loves me and is very happy with me. The next day he did the same and told me he is so lucky to have me.

I got better but not enough so I can go back to this hard job, so I was told by my boss to stay home in our accommodation (for free), I got plenty of time to do the things I wished to do and even more! And since I had no appetite and after was on a diet to get my stomach right again, I lost weight. I belly is flat again and I feel good in it, also my skin got better and my pimple scars almost perfectly disappeared.

I got everything I wanted, but not the way I ever would want lol

And the lesson for me is, never to give up on the things that keep me on track, even if (or especially when ) I feel shit. At least one thing but has to be done.

#personal #loa success #success story #loa #law of assumption #manifesting #create your reality #create your life #law of attraction #manifestation

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wheeler-beretta-harwood · 2 years

Note

Today I am doing nothing but watching tv and ordering Chinese food because I have the worst sunburn. I know your not a beach girl, so let’s pretend you and your date were invited to Trent’s and mine tropical beach wedding. 😂 The two of you decide to make a mini vacation out of the trip and day 1 you are covered in sunburn. How are they taking care of you and what are they doing so the vacation is not totally ruined?

Best girl, I hope you didn't expect this to be short, like you did with the period one. Cause 'Oops, I did it again', I went over the top with my sweet boy. No regrets.

"Ouch!" I whine, sprawled out on the bed in our hotel room. From the bathroom, I hear a muffled laugh...He tries his best to hide his amusement. Yesterday we, well he, decided we spent the whole day at the beach. And while Cash seemingly had the time of his life, I worked on my skin cancer. Today, I am all around red. My skin burns, and I can't fucking move without being in pain.

It will forever be a mystery how he had talked me into extending Trent's and Christine's wedding into a weekend vacation for the two of us. I don't like going to the beach. The few times we spent at the beach in Florida, I always got a sunburn. I hate sand. It gets fucking everywhere. Cash always laughs when I tell him I hate it when my ladyparts get all dusty. Have I mentioned I ALWAYS get a sunburn?!

After a few minutes, Cash returns from the bathroom, and looks all over my body. The grin plastered on his face pisses me off beyond measure. I scowl and turn my head away from him...it's the only movement I can do that doesn't hurt.

"Oh come on, Buttercup. It can't be that bad!" He moves around the bed to come back into my vision and smiles down at me before sitting at the edge of the bed. I watch in horror as he moves his hand up to run along my thigh. As soon as his fingertips touch my skin, I wince. He still hasn't understood that I'm not being dramatic, and squeezes my thigh. I yelp before I try to move my body away from him, to no avail.

"What the fuck, Cash? Is this a joke to you?! I didn't know you were a sadistic little fucker."

Finally, it dawns on him that I am not messing around. And although he usually is a tease and loves pushing all my buttons, he feels bad now. "I'm sorry, Babygirl. I didn't mean to cause you any pain." He looks at the floor and fumbles with his fingers.

"It's okay, Love. Why don't you go down to the pool and have some fun? It'll definitely be more entertaining than staying here with me."

I can see he's trying to suppress a grin, and I just KNOW there's a smart remark spinning in his head. He keeps it to himself, though. Good for him.

"Okay, maybe I'll go down for a drink and swim a bit. I'll try not to flirt too much with all the ladies..." He says as he raises an eyebrow.

I can't help but find his teasing adorable. If there is one thing I know for sure, it is that Cash would never do anything that could slightly be considered cheating. And I also know for a fact that ever since he's gotten his mullet, his confidence rose to a new level. My shy boy is finally comfortable in his own skin, and it's only good when people other than me show him he's an attractive man.

"Flirt all you want, Baby. Let the ladies pay for your drinks. No holds barred. You know the rules." He's a bit disappointed I didn't fall for his trap and gets up from the bed now hovering over my face.

"Yeah, yeah. No touchy, no kissy, no fucky. I know."

I smile up at him as he moves his face closer and closer to mine, mindful not to touch any of my skin. Then he lightly pecks my lips. "I love you, Buttercup."

"I love you too, Baby." With that, he turns to leave. When he is through the door, I let out the sigh I've been holding in.

This is not how I wanted this vacation to go down...

After about 20 minutes, the door to our room opens again and Cash returns, a huge bag in hand. He finds me just the way he left me; I haven't moved an inch.

"Cash? I thought you wanted to go swimming and flirt the life out of the thirsty bitches at the pool...?"

"Yeah, well, I thought about the rules...and to be honest, I was hoping for lots of touchy, kissy, and fucky." He states as he sets down the bag and starts rummaging. When he finds what he's been looking for, he smiles down at me.

"What's that?" I ask looking at the plastic bottle in his hands.

"Sunburn lotion. It's with hydrocortisone, vitamin e, and zinc. Helps the healing process and reduces pain." He reads the label, then looks down at me while opening the bottle and pouring a small amount into his hand. "Pharmacist said if we apply this every hour, you're gonna be all good tomorrow...still red, but not in pain anymore." He explains further while covering my shin with the fluid. It immediately makes my skin feel cooler. And the way he so tenderly touches me, as if I'm made of glass, makes me moan. As he continues to take care of me, I think about what he just said.

"Wait, so instead of enjoying one of your rare vacations, you decided to go to the pharmacy to buy this for me?" He doesn't react, but continues spreading the lotion on my skin.

"Cash."

He sighs, and finally looks at me. "Yeah, I went to the pharmacy. Blame it on the wedding, but I got a little emotional and wanted this to be a romantic getaway for us. Fancy dinners, walking on the beach, watching the sunset. Romantic stuff, ya know. This was supposed to be about us."

How the hell did I end up with this man? He's too precious.

"Come here, Baby." I say as I wrap my arm around his neck and pull him down for a passionate kiss. My skin still hurts, but I couldn't care less. He deserves all the love I can give right now.

He, however, is well aware that I am still in pain and pulls away from me way sooner than I would've thought. "Easy now, Babygirl." He snickers when he sees me pouting.

He finishes the first of the hourly lotion sessions and gets up to wash his hands in the bathroom. My eyes follow him until he is out of sight, and then fall on the HUGE bag sitting next to the bed. "What else did you buy?"

"Don't laugh, I may have gone over the top. But I bought a fan to keep you cool, some painkillers if you need 'em, and apparently there are blankets that cool down your skin. Got you one of these too. Oh, and a new sunscreen because the one we used yesterday obviously wasn't strong enough for your delicate skin." He yells from the bathroom.

"Yeah, you may have gone over the top JUST A TAD." I retort while giggling.

"Just promise me one thing, Cash."

"What's that, Buttercup?" He questions, still out of my sight.

"We are NOT getting married at the beach." I let out a nervous breath, knowing I might have opened Pandora's box. We have NEVER talked about marriage before.

His head pokes back inside from the bathroom, his eyes bigger than I've ever seen them. Yeah, I probably went too far.

"What did you just say?" I can't reply, I feel like a complete idiot, and the fucking sunburn makes it impossible to run away from the situation right now.

"Are you serious? You want to marry me?" He starts again, and a cheeky grin spreads across his face.

"No. Yeah. Maybe. Hypothetically." I ramble, closing my eyes because I'm too afraid to look at him now.

I feel the bed dip and soon, his breath is hitting my neck. "Babygirl."

A soft sigh leaves my mouth before I finally admit it. "Yes, I want to marry you, Cash." I turn to look at him, and he smiles brightly at me.

"Good. Because I'm so gonna make you my wife." He replies before pressing his lips on mine.

#the best girl asks i answer #aew imagine #cash wheeler #cash wheeler imagine #all elite wrestling imagine #sunburn

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horce-divorce · 9 months

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I was too tired to get worked up last night but now that Im awake again I am sooo fucking agitated rn. We HAVE to be at my parent's right now (car camping in the yard) bc I desperately need whatever help they can give me, my dad is getting the car checked and we've been here using the shower and the stove and whatnot. But my dad's bday was also this weekend so my WHOOOOOLE family was here, and Bel and I stayed inside specifically to avoid everyone, but then my fucking horrible grandpa (who was queerphobic and an asshole long before he had dementia) comes in and tries to make chit chat with us, and then my dad comes in laughing saying how grandpa went outside and announced to everyone that "there's two girls with mustaches in there," and dad just thought that was funny. And we had JUST come back from the store where some rando also fucking commented on Bel's mustache and I HAD a comeback but I was too fucking SLOW and I didn't fucking defend him

So anyway we like have absolutely no choice but to be here and Bel especially can't just leave and like it's weird bc yes they are letting us stay here, feeding us etc and I feel like I'm not allowed to explain why this is so hurtful bc if I do that's somehow going against all my dad is doing for me here. Like I'm being ungrateful spitting in his face and only focusing on what he's doing wrong.

Probably bc they spent my whole life reinforcing this idea that I only was allowed to need things if they agreed that I was lacking. When I became suicidal it wasn't "oh yeah you need help let's get you to a doctor." It was a litany of "here's all the things I did for you, I sacrificed my body for you, I ate healthy and quit smoking and I did everything right and I gave you a PERFECT body and brain, so no, you don't need help." And she stood by that until I was out of the house and went and got help myself, and she STILL tried to talk me out of it.

And especially with my mom being the terf-adjacent 2nd wave Michfest Feminist that she is, she only ever has shit to say about my gender when it's disparaging. The first time she saw me shirtless after top surgery she said "embrace the patriarchy" in this bitter fucking tone. She only ever calls me a guy if I'm acting so stupid that I need help or correction. But yeah it's so super funny and cute that my demented grandpa can't fucking tell I'm a guy and it's sooo funny and cute how he's disrespecting me and my boyfriend to my whole family and they're all just out there laughing. That's sooooo fucking funny and silly and ha ha and yeah people like my asshole grandpa, who was NEVER even part of my actual fucking life, is totally allowed to just walk into your home and talk about your loved ones like that, unchallenged, cus he's just such a silly little guy. Family is so fucking special am I right.

It's wild having the least normie and most functional family of all my friends bc when it comes to things like politics and gay rights and witchcraft and even topics like feminism and reproductive rights! my parents are always the most chill, understanding, easygoing, have the most reasonable responses out of anyone else's parents... But then they still have these very unchallenged ideals that come out at the worst time, and when i try to explain to them how they are hurting me and making me feel unsafe and making MY BOYFRIEND feel unsafe, and this is why I don't hang out with them, they pull the "dont make me feel bad when i do so much for you" card.

They also don't defend other trans ppl. They "love" Eddie Izzard, she is "their favorite comedian," but they can't gender her correctly to save their lives. One time my mom tried to show her cis gay friend one of Eddie's Dress to Kill bits and he started disparaging her outfit and calling her buffalo fucking bill and my mom just sat there and TOOK IT. I WAS HOME!!! I COULD HEAR HIM!!!!!!!!!

I also cannot threaten the help they're giving me w the car and the house bc my dad is currently still paying the insurance bc I can't even afford gas to go job hunting. So I did not sit my dad down and explain Why That Wasn't Funny. My stupid ass got up early and put the dishes away instead. Because if I criticize my dad, on his birthday, in his own home that we are staying at for free, AND Im leaving a mess (that I didn't make, but that I saw and walked away from regardless), they will kick us both out and never let us come back! Or maybe they won't! But they've kicked me out before and I can't let that happen to Bel again right now!!!

And unfortunately I need to stay connected to dementia grandpa too bc we may be living in his cabin part time this winter. I'm not super optimistic about finding housing before it gets cold. Especially not after yesterday. We were both already lamenting needing our names changed, but trying to do it while homeless and Looking Like Girls With Mustaches in Bumfuck Nowhere is gonna be even more fun!!!

#me #prsnl #my dad didnt used to say this to me directly #but when my parents got frustrated #they would Remind Me how my grandma on dads side used to threaten him with #'i brought you into this world i can take you out'#and it would be dangled over my head like see? i could talk to you this way. if i wanted. you're welcome.

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sizzlingpatrolfox · 10 months

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Oh, I so wanna hear what you think of the whole Jimin / Tkk thing at YG concert ( we are not free from Tony Montana, MY GOD).

I find it hilarious, as an ex-joker now PJM, I am glad to say I don’t feel anything anymore and seeing Jimin being carefree and just his independent self makes me so happy. Tkk could be very well hanging out everyday and as long as Jimin is unbothered I don’t really care. I am curious if some people feel similar as I do and totally lost their ability to see JK’s appeal?

Now, I wonder what switched? What happened to make Tkk so close? I am dying to know the tea, give me drama.

I feel so free, birds are singing and we, at least for now, have one less problem.

I've been giving my opinions here and there, maybe you've already seen some. I think it was all very normal, casual between the three. Jus classic Jungkook, classic Jimin and classic Taehyung.

Jungkook and Taehyung have been sort of concert buddies, starting from the Harry Styles one in November 2021 (the day that was also my start to stop thinking jikook are together lol), then silk sonic in Las Vegas which they also attended together, then Harry Styles this year again. Jungkook goes to a lot of shows (the ones I've mentioned and others) and he never goes with Jimin. And the only time Jimin was there in recent times was the Harry one where Jungkook spent the entire concert vibing with Taehyung. So taekook vibing together this time and Jimin just by the side was textbook vminkook from what I know.

I guess I'm surprised that people can't seem to find a middle ground. I personally believe Jimin is not hanging out with either of taekook a lot, and if he is it's because he works out with them (probably picked up boxing with Jungkook again), or because he sees them at the company. But when you say that Jimin is not really spending time with them, people completely jump to the other side and think that the next time they will all three show up with guns and point at each other. None of them could ever hate the other or intentionally hurt each other. So I still get really annoyed when I see those who think

being okay = they're fucking each other

as well as those who believe

not fucking each other = hating each other

I always think of this tweet 😂

And that's all I see. Friends. Friends in their late 20s, 30s who spent the last ten years pretty much obligated to see each other everyday and now are in different vibes and different life paths and probably putting all their energy and interest in doing things they weren't able to do before and meeting people they didn't meet often before. Like when you finish high school and college starts and you go from seeing your friends everyday at school, to seeing them only during the weekends or for special occasions. Or sometimes at work, in BTS case.

Well, personally my feelings about Jungkook started to change in 2020, so my detachment now is just a regular development of things. Sometimes I do feel sad and I feel like i miss Jungkook, but then he shows up and I don't feel anything. So I believe I don't really miss Jungkook or at least not this Jungkook right now (though ironically he's more humane and I guess softer than he's ever been). I've realized I miss something bigger, maybe the good things I used to feel about Jungkook, maybe I just miss the way things used to be.

I don't think there's any tea or drama about taekook, just them having more time for each other. That happens too, you get friends that you align better with depending on certain periods of life. I guess they just click better now.

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lemony-snickers · 2 years

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it has been funny reading thru these survey results (the one referenced in this post).

full disclosure, i do not follow the blog that conducted the survey & didn’t know it was happening, i’ve just been perusing the answers on and off since seeing that post.

also gonna put this shit under a cut because nobody needs to hear my meandering thoughts on a thing that does not actually concern me asldfjasd

anyway.

sooooo many of the salty responses (and these are not the majority, they are just louder than the rest), the people who are complaining complaining about writers “not doing their job” and similar sorts of things seem typically to be upset about the following:

writers not writing enough

writers not writing the specific content they want to see

writers having other interests

writers lamenting burnout and lack of engagement, which they perceive as the writer’s fault

and like. i just want to know.

how much is someone supposed to write? how much is enough writing?

because when i started this blog i posted almost once a day. an utterly & totally unsustainable pace. burnout is real. it really happens. even when you love something a lot, it can still weigh you down.

and it is so easy, i think, to get caught up in the feedback loop. to think “oh people like what i am doing, therefore i shoul do more of it.”

but at a certain point that is literally not possible. i did burn myself out. i had to step back because what i was doing could not be maintained.

i have posted approximately 5k-10k words per week on average, over the last two-ish months. maybe that doesn’t seem like a lot to some people, but from an objective perspective, i’m gonna go out on a limb and say it is. (and, you know, for once i will say i actually know what i’m talking about.)

is that enough? should i be doing more?

more than half of the writing i have posted to this blog has been based on requests received. and you know what? more than half of those posted this year, i have never heard from the person who requested them. anon requests, i understand, are submitted in such a way for a variety of reasons. and i’m not expecting someone to “out” themselves on their blog by rb’ing their smutty kakashi/reader request onto their wholesome recipe blog or whatever.

but until recently, my ask box was open. and i still did not receive asks from the folks who requested some of these fics. just a, “hey that was nice. :)”

i used to, but somewhere along the way, i lost that and i don’t know what i did wrong, you know? because according to these folks, i am doing something wrong.

am i expecting too much? i spend hours writing. i spend hours and hours and hours creating content for other people. i do not have a ko-fi. i cannot offer commissions.

is hoping for some recognition of the labor that goes into writing really so much to ask?

writing as a whole is entirely devalued in our society. there is this expectation that anyone can write.

and you know what? i am actually one of those people. when i lost my job as a freelance writer, i thought, “that makes sense. i’m not that special.”

but the time it takes is still time. the effort it takes is still effort. even if everyone can sit down and write 50k words of smutty fanfiction, most people won’t.

the idea that burnout is “not real” or that writers need to “just post consistently” in order to maintain interest in their work is absurd.

i write almost every single day, but not every day is as productive as i would like it to be. i recently had to help care for a loved one in hospice. it was incredibly stressful; i travelled out of state, lived on an air mattress away from my spouse for a week while being under intense emotional and physical stress (dementia is a fucking monster, y’all). i came home, stayed a week, returned the following weekend to say my goodbyes, drove back home, learned of my loved one’s death on the drive and cried in a rest stop parking lot, spent another week at home, and then returned for the memorial service where i had to give the eulogy because no one else in my family could.

it was exhausting. and i worked every day but one that entire time, remotely or in the office. i took phone calls from my grandmother’s bedroom and while i signed for hospital equipment and morphine refills.

and still i posted fanfic. still i wrote requests for people even though all i wanted to do was chuck myself over a cliff.

is that not enough? will it ever be enough? will anything?

is it so absurd that i would post about that? is grief a reasonable enough excuse to post something annoying and not what people followed me for?

idk. listen, i think i am a garbage human with no talent, lol. the fact that people do not comment much on my work, do not reblog it, always lands on my shoulders as a cloak of, “told you you were worthless.”

and, obviously, that is my own thing. that is its own problem. but what else is a person supposed to think? when you spend countless hours writing something only to post it with the highest hopes and to hear nothing in return?

what is that supposed to mean if not, “sorry, but not good enough?”

in the end, all we can control is what we ourselves do. the energy we put out into the world. and i just cannot imagine being so hateful or judgemental or cruel. i cannot tell you how often i have had someone say, “i’d love a sequel to this!” without sparing just a moment to tell me why.

the why matters, you know. if someone’s work is good enough for you to read, good enough for you to ask for.

oughtn’t it be good enough for you to say why?

i’ve not been great at keeping up with my fellow writers lately and for that i do apologize. but i hope you all know from my past screaming comments and reblogs and recommendations how much i value the work you do. how much i see the effort you put in.

because someone should tell you it is. someone should tell you that it’s okay to feel burned out or sad or to stop writing for a while because you need to do something else.

i’ll tell you. i’m not great at telling myself, yet, but maybe eventually i’ll get there.

ramble over. ily all very much, take care of yourselves. <3

#lemony rambles #tldr; don't read #instead of reading this actually just #support your content creators #because they deserve it <3

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clunelover · 1 year

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Omg another thing about this weekend - so, tomorrow sister and BIL are coming over for the family dinner that we try to do monthly, and will be projecting their honeymoon pics from computer onto our TV screen to tell us about the trip. This is a policy I have implemented for sharing vacation pics because I am a control freak…but also, really, it’s so much better than my sister having to pass back and forth her phone to all of us and answer the same questions multiple times, or have us all try to huddle around a computer.

Depending on how it all shakes out time-wise, if they stay past kids bedtimes and stuff, I think I will broach the topic of that wedding loan. As I have mentioned, I loaned them $4k for wedding. At the time, it was phrased as “too many things all due at once, I should be able to pay you back quickly.” But it has now been three months without any mention of it. The whole thing is a bummer, because when I initially offered the loan, I was thinking that if it was $1-2k I would have said “and let’s just have it be a gift” but $4k is more than I want to give! I really wish it had been a smaller amount so this could have been a nice thing that was already all wrapped up. But, alas.

I talked to my therapist about it and she reassured me that it is VERY normal to be asking for repayment of a loan. That it was always phrased as “loan” and not “gift.” That even if we technically could give that much and be okay, it’s quite a lot and could set a bad precedent where they think they can ask for a “loan” and then never have to pay it back. Which may become relevant because they I think want to have a kid but are quite broke and might find that undertaking more expensive than they are anticipating! Oh and that if we decide to just call the whole thing a gift out of awkwardness rather than generosity, that will leave me feeling resentful and that’s actually not fair to anyone. I am also now remembering that I spent almost $2k throwing them an engagement party…then another $300ish throwing shower…and then the cost of going to Denver for her destination bachelorette weekend. So, all this to say - I have already paid so damn much for this wedding!! I realized I need to say something when sister started saying things to me about wanting to spend her tax refund on a used spin bike (I forget the exact cost but I think $1k, maybe more).

So anyway therapist said I should just say “I wanted to talk to you about the wedding loan. I was letting it wait til after the honeymoon and the holidays and all that but I do need to know your timeline for paying it back. What I’d like to do is give half of it to you as a wedding gift. And then the other half - it doesn’t have to be paid back all at once or anything, but let’s work out some kind of timeline.” I am scared she’ll react badly or imply that the whole thing should be a gift. I think she thinks we’re like rich when in actuality we do make a lot but we also have a SHIT TON of expenses and are probably in the same “we couldn’t afford for either of us to be out of work for more than a few months without the situation becoming dire” state as a lot of people are. Therapist reminded me that seeing as we had always called it a loan, if she reacts badly to having to pay it back that’s her being unreasonable, not me having done anything wrong. Which is hard for me to remember! I also have to remember that just because we technically could give that much, it is TOTALLY OKAY if I’d just prefer to spend that money on something else.

So yeah anyway wish me luck for a conversation that feels incredibly difficult for me to have!!

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iturbide · 2 years

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I love how this whole chain went from:

grab your mini pitchforks -> grab the popcorn

really fast. Anywho, other than that jazz, how are you doing overall?

I will gladly take popcorn over pitchforks any day (the pitchforks are their own brand of entertainment, but the popcorn is always fun)

Other than that I'm doing okay, though! Still really excited that the Lodestar.sys zine is out (I still think my piece in there is one of the best things I've ever written), but besides that most of my energy is spent keeping track of kittens so other things have been put on the backburner:

I mean. Look at these little hellions.

don't let Hubert's murderous look fool you, Ferdinand is equally naughty

With them in mind, my bookbinding experiments have been put on the backburner for a while; I'm about halfway through my test copy of Crown of Shadows, though -- the signatures are all folded and stitched, the textblock has been sanded, the endpapers are attached (though I want to give the whole thing a final sanding to get things nice and even), and the covers have been cut to size -- and I think it's coming together really nicely so far! I'm thinking about kicking into it again this weekend, since I'd like to get a few copies of Proof of Life together to use as a testing ground for some cover stuff I want to play with before going all-out on the hardcover.

After Crown of Shadows (which I might make another copy or two of, just to keep trying my hand at the flat back book format, we'll see) I'd really like to do a copy of Heart of the Moon with a rounded back, since that one's so much bigger: Crown of Shadows clocks in around 41.5k words and I managed to fit it into 6 signatures (a little big for a flat back, but still reasonably in range for it), while Heart of the Moon sits at 60k and looks like it'll need 11 signatures total, making it a good choice for experimenting with rounding.

(Once I have a little more experience with different formats under my belt, I'd really like to start binding more of my favorite fics and trying to get in touch with the authors to gift them copies of their works; I'm starting with mine since they're just for me, so it's fine if they go sidways...though I guess if anyone would want a hard copy of something I've written, let me know?)

Aside from there, I've been thinking about picking up a video game again but haven't done it yet (again, in part because of kittens who are Too Interested in the TV sometimes). Choices are between Legends Arceus again since I still want a shiny Hisuian Zorua or two, Horizon: Zero Dawn since I picked that one up a while ago and still haven't finished out the damn intro, the latest God of War because it's all Norse mythology and I'm predictable, or Three Houses to finish out that Azure Moon playthrough and go back to Claude because I love and miss him...but I haven't committed.

Instead I've just been playing stuff in the background and occasionally paying attention. I had a craving for Retro Anime recently and picked up Detective Conan again (I love this comedy murder show but it messes me up sometimes, there are some heavy episodes). Also finished Spy x Family and I'm sobbing I love them and October can't get here soon enough because then I get both the second half of Spy x Family's first season and Season 3 of Mob Psycho 100 which I am so stoked for you have no idea. And lucky for me, Nona the Ninth comes out in September, which should tide me over until the new anime I yearn for arrives.

Writing has been stalled basically since the start of the year and continues as such. I'm still stuck with just chapter 7 of last year's Chrobin Week to finish, and I have a bunch of other ideas that I'd like to start exploring, both for Awakening and Three Houses (since I'm desperately missing Claude), as well as an original piece that I've been rolling around for years that's come back to the forefront recently. We'll see what if anything comes out of any of that, but it might just end up being a sparse year on writing.

Anyway yes that's my long-winded status update ramble

#answered #anonymous #yes i am going to spam kitten photos #you can't stop me #anyway lots of stuff for anyone interested in minutiae #everything from bookbinding to watch lists

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187days · 2 years

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Day One Hundred Fifty-Five

“Bro, if you give me 65 bucks, I can totally get you an alligator.”

“We’re a dumpster fire, but, like, not as much as the sophomores.”

“How am I supposed to handle this without cake?”

Things I overheard in the ninth grade hall today...

It was another rough day in our building. There weren’t any fights today, but there was some vandalism, some vaping, some other drug-related things. The SRO was still in his office doing paperwork when I got out of track practice, so that’s telling.

But it was a good day for me! The administration bought us teachers breakfast as part of Teacher Appreciation week, and the students in the teacher education program hosted an ice cream and cornhole (excellent combination) event for us after school, and that’s all very nice. Plus, I did some excellent teaching today, if I do say so myself.

In World, I went over the assignment I gave yesterday about the Belt and Road and B3W Initiatives; first, we discussed what they are and how they work, and then I asked my students to make connections between these competing attempts to expand economic and cultural influence and what they’d learned about central Africa. That’s challenging because it requires some educated guesswork, some inferences, etc... but what I wanted them to get was that countries emerging from conflict are countries China and the US see as places to expand; they could become the new “battlegrounds” of this competition. The fact that they did get it was confidence-boosting, I think, because when I challenged them to connect the war in Ukraine to the Belt and Road Initiative, so many hands shot up. Their answers were excellent (ie- China’s alliance with Russia could pull its focus away from these projects, slow down development, etc...) and I was so pleased that they were able to understand the world’s interconnectedness, which is my bigger point.

I pivoted a bit, towards the end of the block, to show two short video clips: one of Ukrainian refugees fleeing to Poland a couple weeks ago, and one of Iraqi and Syrian refugees being denied (and violently) entry into Poland from Belarus back in December. I asked them to jot down questions afterwards, and I got some good ones: How did those refugees get to Belarus? Why were they fleeing from Iraq and Syria? Why was Poland’s reaction so different?

Then I said, “You’ll start finding out the answers next class.” Cue the bell.

There was some definite outrage- and a lot of glee on my part- that I ended on a cliffhanger like that. Bodes well for student engagement tomorrow!

I had no cliffhanger in APUSGOV. My students asked if we could talk about the draft opinion that was leaked regarding Roe v. Wade. I had them read this Vox article because it’s clear about what’s happening and makes several good points. After students did the reading, I fielded questions on the whole situation. Then I just gave them the floor to say whatever they were feeling. We wrapped with about ten minutes remaining in class, and it’s a beautiful day, so we took a walk around outside. It’s good to get some sunshine after a heavy discussion, you know?

It’s also good to have sunshine at track practice. I think this was the first really nice day- no clouds, no rain, no wind- all season, and my sprinters spent it doing some 50m repeats and block starts. They’ll do a hard workout tomorrow since we don’t have a meet this weekend, and that’s going to be good, too.

#teaching #teacher #teachblr #edublr #educhums #education #high school #social studies #teacher appreciation #my timing is impeccable #see the whole board #conversations about current events #coaching #track #cornhole #ice cream is life #sro #day one hundred fifty five

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stevn93 · 23 days

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Not as soon as I anticipated, but we meet yet again old friend. How have you been?? Yeah it's hard to keep up and it's hard to adjust. I saw you are trying to improve though. Me? Let's not talk about that. Fine I can be honest, truth is I still tell people I'm fantastic or it's another day in paradise when the reality is I don't know if I'm OK. So much in my head... I...my wife I'm pretty sure she's joking when she calls me gay, but sometimes I'm not sure, I know I'm not totally straight. I spent 2 years on the down low with a guy and only 2 people that weren't me or him know and one is my wife and that telling was far from great, anyway we were both from religious homes and had to keep everything hidden. And on the note of religion I think it has led to some of my issues. I don't know what I believe, I know what I have been told to believe my whole life, but I don't know what I believe. I was raised in a Seventh Day Adventist home, as was my mother, and her parents and I know my great grandparents were so it's a long standing thing in my family. My friend was from a equally long line of deep south Baptist beliefs. The SDA beliefs are much more strict and holds to the old mosaic law. I was 30 at my first sampling of bacon. Now crazy as it sounds I work for a Christian based non-profit and have been there 4 years now. I am a maintenance technician and also do grounds care. I am on call and we rotate weekends so I work some Saturdays and Fridays after sunset which is a ticket to the bad place. Not that having had relationships with another guy wouldn't also be a reason for that,but sometimes I still have a desire for it. I still have to keep things hidden because it could be grounds for dismissal from my job. My job is super flexible with days off and hours so I can raise my kids and I know nowhere else would be so forgiving to me. I wasn't careful one day and was sighted in the building with my Proud Furry hoodie on(I had gotten diesel fuel on my other it was the one I had in my truck)so that combined with the nail polish has left people suspect. I have to wonder sometimes if my wife believes I'm more gay than straight or if I want something else. She would be the one to know as she knows more about me and my past than my parents, a therapist would have a field day but until then I will have to settle with emptying my mind here. Have spent the last several nights after she goes to sleep sitting on the shower floor for an hour or two and just letting the water rain down. I don't know if it helps but the rain is still too cold for such things. There is so much I don't understand like pronouns and transjender, I was never exposed to things largely due to religious sheltered life. I have finally encountered a person who is non-binary and it's hard to remember to use they/them and people call you out for you and tell you you don't care about others or you would just change, but I was programed to think, act and talk this way for 30 years! Ask a smoker who has smoked 5 years to quit cold turkey. My grandfather on my Dad's side used the N word and did so openly, but his best friend was an old colored gentleman Mr.Milton and every day before he ate his dinner rain shine or hurricane he would take him a hot plate of food. If you didn't know and didn't see you'd thought him a racist white supremacist, but it wasn't the case. People talk about care but are so quick to judge or tell you how you should feel... That's part of why my wife knows things my parents don't. I won't elaborate much but I took a problem to people you were supposed to trust and it went just as I was told it would. So I made changes and because I was young and of such a light build I likely stunted my growth a smidgen and damaged my joints. I don't know why my wife stays when I'm so damaged. I wish I could see what she does or did see. She still spends a lot of time on her phone and I asked her to talk to me yesterday and she didn't put down her phone. Some days are so much more a struggle than others. I'll see you later old friend. Thanks for being here.

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a-sentient-horax · 5 months

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December 4, 2023

The family blitz is over! This year, we had my mom and my three younger siblings down for Thanksgiving. A few days after they left, my uncle came down and we had dinner with him. The next night, we had dinner with my old boss and all his employees. Then, a day later my dad came down and spent the weekend with us. It was a lot, but it was good! I loved seeing everyone, and we managed to get through all of it with a clean apartment, all of our work turned in, and our sanity in tact.

I miss my parents a lot. I didn't realize how much I missed them. I miss my dad a lot and that feels right. He and I have always been close. I know now that when I left it really hurt him. I didn't mean to, I was so scared of my mom and I just wanted something more out of life, I hope he realizes that. But I still feel bad. I miss him, and it upsets me knowing I definitely hurt him without meaning to. The only time I ever saw my dad cry was that morning that I left. It stays with me too, that image of him climbing the stairs ahead of me, sniffling and trying to hide his tears. I miss him dearly. I wish he would move closer, but I get it. He wants something different out of life too.

I miss my mom and that's a little weirder. My mom was the whole reason I left and didn't speak to anyone for a long time afterwards.

I have to see Creep soon (ugh). It's my last week of school for the fall semester. I have three exams this week and then one next week, I think. Honestly, I'm so exhausted I don't even care anymore. Of course I am going to study but I just don't even have the energy to be anxious about any of it. Anyway, I have to see Creep in our class together today, and then for the exam on Wednesday, but after that, truly, I am free of him. I totally threw him under the bus in our project review, I just hope my professor has enough sense to not bring it up before our exam.

I was thinking this morning about what I would say to him if he asked. Like, if he said "why don't you like me," or asked me what my problem is with him. An in-person social interaction like that is complicated and I hope he doesn't put me in that position but he might. The truth - and I'm not sure I would tell him this - but the truth is that I am not prepared to put in the incredible effort he needs to keep his ego afloat and fix his mistakes. He is confident in his abilities for no reason, he talks over me constantly, and nitpicks weird things about my personality, life, and appearance that I don't appreciate. He negs. And I am just stretched too thin to be cleaning up after him. Here's an example. Once I complained to him that when I click my car keys, my car doesn't unlock. Which is so weird because I replace the batteries in that key pretty regularly, so I stopped replacing the batteries because I figure its just like, a short in the circuit or something. So this man, takes my keys and starts to pry them open. And I said "Please don't do that." And he says "Why?" And even now I am like, incredulous. Why? What the hell do you mean why? What do you think is going to happen when you get the thing open? You don't have a battery or any tools to replace what's in there. Essentially, you would be breaking apart my car keys to what like, further your own knowledge about...about what I don't even know. And that's just it like, there is a certain type of man that will attempt to help in the least thought out, most random, destructive way, and then be confused when people ask him to please not do that. It is so fucking annoying I can't. I can't deal. I can't be patient with that type of guy and then pick up all the pieces to keys and have to go get them repaired because he broke them. It's just...ugh it gets me all fired up. Anyway. I have to finish going to class with this clown so I can move on with my life.

Oh! My boyfriend is taking me to a big conference on Saturday and I am so excited but also, I have no idea what to wear.

#journal

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