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ashthemadwriter-archived · 1 year

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"Let's find out together, then"

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairing: Chuuya X Fem!Reader

Request: "Chuuya finding his s/OC’s sex toy(s)? 👁-👁" ◜By lovely anon!!◞

Genre: Smut

Format: Headcanons + Scenario

Warnings: Bondage, Handcuffs, NSFW content MDNI

Word Count: 0.7K

A/n: Hehe~~

§ Chuuya... He is always respectful toward your privacy. Never pokes his nose in your business unless he senses that you need protection, so the only way for him to find your toys is you asking him to go through your things.

§ Let's go with this scenario. You're at work and you need something, so you ask Chuuya to go to your house and bring it to you, completely forgetting about the risk of him finding that exclusive collection of yours; and Chuuya, being the perfect boyfriend he is, decides to help his pretty, kinky girlfriend out.

§ Chuuya searches everywhere, but won't find the thing you wanted. Not wanting to miss a spot, he also takes a look at the under of your bed. There isn't that thing he was looking for, but a medium sized red box. A box that has a block ribbon on top of it, tempting Chuuya to go against his morals and take a look at your personal belongings... And boy was that a fine decision.

§ He finally brings you what you want but the look on his face? It's... different. Weird. Smug. Dangerous. Exciting. And that can be said for his words.

"Come home soon tonight. We need to... talk"

§ He doesn't really mean it tho. You won't be talking much. If degradation and loud moans doesn't count hehe~ But that sentence is scary as we're all aware of, so you're kinda anxious until you finally get home. When you go inside the bedroom where he's waiting for you, the smile he's wearing half assures you, until you lay eyes on a particular box of course. A familiar, bloody box.

§ Well, FUCK.

§ "Ah... that's... that's not mine..."

§ Chuuya shakes his head and raises one of his eyebrows (which makes him look a 1000 times sexier), his grin not leaving his face, but getting even bigger.

"Is that so?" "Yeah! I- I don't even know how they work!?"

§ That's when he slowly starts taking his gloves off while his gaze is piercing through your fucking heart, pulling the black ribbon to unravel the box with his bare hands.

§ "If that's the case... Let's find out together then, hmm?"

§ It's... gonna be a long night. Also good luck :>

You gasp as you feel the vibrator on your clit again, struggling to escape from the touch but Chuuya's grasp on you is tight, as if the handcuffs imprisoning your hands weren't enough. You can't see him- the fucking blindfold is getting in the way, but his hot breath burning you neck is emphasizing his presence, and that he's still not willing to stop.

"You've got quite the collection here, Sweetheart. I wonder why you never brought them up though"

His tongue wanders on your skin, licking the shell of your ear as he pushes the toy inside you, delighted by how you squirm on his lap, but never actually try to scape. He knows you can feel his hardened cock tangled in his pants, and he likes it that even though you're already fucked up, you try to rub yourself against his erection; but that has to wait for now. It's still the beginning of the night and there are many more toys in the box waiting to get their turn of exploring through your wet, gummy walls.

Chuuya bites your neck softly, on that particular spot he knows will make your mind go numb, and lightly spanks your ass. He's not angry but you should be more honest with him, and he hopes you'll be after tonight.

"You're so dirty, Baby girl. Not that I will mind though, not at all. I'm just impressed of how hard you were trying to hide these. You thought I would find it quirky, didn't you? I thought that we trusted each other enough to open up... But it's ok, people make mistakes; yet you can't run away from your punishment. So stop shaking around so much Gorgeous; hang in there a little bit and then maybe I'll give you the real thing afterwards. How's the sound of that?"

That... is definitely something worth waiting, and you do have all night, don't you?

#chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #nakahara chuuya x reader #chuuya x you #chuuya x y/n #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd imagines #bsd scenarios #bsd smut #chuuya imagines #chuuya scenarios #chuuya smut #nakahara chuuya smut #chuuya nakahara smut #bungou stray dogs smut #ashthemadwriter

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sherryfortheoldlady · 5 months

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I don't think I've ever loved a fandom more than I've loved this one.

I've been in quite a few fandoms, and they all, in one way or another, had a negative emotional impact on me, until I got into the Good Omens fandom.

Being in this fandom is like being in a safe and cozy bubble, where no harm can get to you, and you feel secure and happy and reassured that the bubble will never pop, and you feel like everything is okay, you're okay, you're happy, you belong.

I love so many things about this fandom. I love how everyone is always nice and respectful towards other fans and actors and writers and just everyone. I love how almost every fan has a different theory/headcanon for a certain thing, yet they're so accepting and encouraging of other peoples' headcanons and loving of it even if it's completely different from the one they have.

I love how a Good Omens fan is the #1 supporter of another Good Omens fan, and yet they're also their #1 enemy.

I love how everyone always says that Good Omens fans have one goal in life and that is to make other Good Omens fans miserable, and yet everyone knows it's just a joke and they actually love every single bit of art and writing and poetry and eat that angst up happily because it's somehow the most beautiful thing ever.

I love how Neil Gaiman takes time to answer our questions and never makes us feel silly for asking them. Moreover, I love how he doesn't always make everything canon, even when fans ask if something is canon or not, and leaves space for our imagination to make theories and headcanons and enjoy setting endless possibilities.

I love how both him and Michael Sheen interact with fans online. I love how Michael replies to pieces of fanwork and fans' stories and tweets and how he's always so supportive and enthusiastic about it all.

I love how Michael and David (mostly Michael) jump at every opportunity to talk about how Aziraphale and Crowley are in love, how much they mean to each other, how much they care, how they're the Yin to each others' Yang.

I love how Michael, David, and Neil are always so so so nice when interacting with fans (both online and irl) and how they always make us feel appreciated and loved. I love how they 100% support all fanwork and fan fictions and never spoke horribly about people who make them but instead encouraged them because it just shows how much people love the show and how much it actually means to them.

This fandom is the one place where I've felt safe to share my thoughts online without the fear of being attacked by other people for having different views than them, and I was anxious with my first post, but now I'm always excited to post something or just see what's new, knowing that I've found a place where I won't be criticised or judged for what I enjoy. A place I feel safe.

I genuinely love this fandom and everyone involved in it so so much. Please never change you all are amazing<3

#a 4am appreciation post #i genuinely love this fandom a lot though #never felt happier than i do here #always makes me feel so much better even after ive had a horrible day #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens fandom #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #michael sheen #david tennant #neil gaiman #<3

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teaspoonnebula · 2 months

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Hullo, I am so sorry if this ask is a weird one but. You are in the fandom for a long time, and I need to know, is it me or is the ACD SH fandom *not* insane?? Everywhere else where I've been, I see people turning on each other, fighting over characters and the morality of liking them and not liking them, telling people to go kill themselves and here. I have been in this corner of Tumblr for a few months now, and everybody seems normal? Am I just not deep enough yet to sew the drama, or is this really just a place where people hang out to enjoy something together??? Are we just too old of a fandom to do this?

(feel free not to answer if this is too weird or anything)

Sorry my reply got really long. I've broken it up with memes in the hope that it makes it more readable.

I've been in the fandom for a few years now, and I don't have much to compare against because I've generally avoided fandom spaces because they seem pretty intense (and I've not had a piece of media grab me quite like this before) but yeah it seems pretty chill?

I think there are lots of possible reasons why.

It might be that the fandom skews a little older, with lots of people who have enough life experience to know how to de-escalate tension when they encounter it, and when to walk away from the keyboard.

It might be that there's a century-old understanding that we're all playing a silly tongue-in-cheek game with characters from magazine stories that were never supposed to be analysed this way. Remember the term "canon" as used in fandom circles was invented by Sherlock Holmes fans (specifically my boy Ronald Knox) as a joke, a deliberate cute misapplication of a term used for discussing the Bible to something frivolous. Not taking yourself too seriously is very baked into Sherlockian culture.

I sometimes get glimpses from other fandoms of this puritanical attitude that to like or not like a character or a piece of work is somehow a moral act, and I find that... bewildering. A bit scary. To be a fan of Sherlock Holmes is inherently to love something dearly which also contains things which should be hated: racism, sexism, imperialism. I think that fans tend to be people well used to approaching literature with the level of nuance required to process that dichotomy. To acknowledge it rather than hide from it.

It might also be because it's public domain. A big blockbuster movie or pastiche by a celebrated writer is precisely as legitimate as every fanfic on Ao3. Or the CGI movie where they're gnomes. Or a slightly wonky point and click game someone is obsessively making in their spare time (...coughcougheveryonewishlist 'The Beekeepers' Picnic' onsteam) Sherlock Holmes belongs to everyone equally regardless of how much money and power they have, which is why I love it.

Like, I love him as a character, I love the Victoriana, I love the mysteries, but the #1 reason I've gone gaga over Sherlock Holmes these past few years is the joy of loving a thing which isn't controlled by a corporation and which does not exist to make money (anymore).

I'm not saying there's zero drama because I think when you get a bunch of people passionate about something there will always be a little drama. I'll see things like the jostling of people who are very protective of asexual readings of Holmes and people who are very protective of gay readings of Holmes, things like that. Feelings can run high when personal identity is involved. But I've never seen anything got too vicious.

Errrr yeah idk if you wanted an essay as a response but you got one!

#sherlock holmes #acd holmes #fandom #ask #thoughts

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lovemyromance · 1 month

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"I want what's best for Elain"

No y'all don't 😭 Quit saying that when in the same breath you say she's a fictional character and you don't have to respect what she wants.

Yes, she is a fictional character. We're all arguing about fictional characters here, we know that.

How can you say she's "just a fictional character" yet you claim to know what's best for her then? How do you know that? And yes, you can say it's your opinion. But if you're saying it's your opinion, then SAY THAT. Don't say "this is what's best for her according to what Cassian said, according to what Feyre said, according to what SJM 'forshadowed' about sunlight"

The only way we can gain insight into what a fictional character thinks/feels/wants is through their actions and words - if we don't have a POV from them.

According to Elain's own actions and words, she feels like she belongs in the NC. She has made friends here. She has shown desire for Azriel (And no, you can't argue this unless y'all are just walking around getting aroused for random people 🤨🤨) like not trying to be crass, but it was clear ELAIN wanted that almost kiss with Azriel on Solstice.

And yes, she is a fictional character. So why would I sit here thinking "Oh I know what's best for her" when her desires and feelings have been made clear already?

She avoids her mate. She doesn't avoid Azriel.

She is mending the relationship with her sisters. She is making friends in the NC. She is ready to train her powers.

And yet all that development, everything she has been doing and saying - all that is absolutely irrelevant when Cassian says she looks bad in black? When Feyre says she would like spring court because the flowers? The fandom is doing exactly what the characters are doing to Elain - ignoring her own actions and words and desires in favor of what suits their perception of her and narrative more.

Once again, antis are claiming to "want what's best for Elain" when they are ignoring that Elain has shown exactly she wants already.

She was literally raised by Mama Archeron to be a pretty little doll trophy. And that's exactly the plot/future Eluciens have planned for her when they say they want her to mingle in balls with Lucien and "be a diplomat". She's tired of being the meek pretty one! Is that so hard to understand? She is more than just a trophy!

You can't pick and choose what to respect out of SJMs writing. What to regard as reliable narration and unreliable commentary. What moments to keep and what moments to stubbornly ignore.

Read the books as they are. There's no need to read between the lines when the text tells you exactly what you need to know.

#elriel #acotar #azriel #elain archeron #pro elain #elain x azriel #elain #antielucien

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ofstarsandvibranium · 9 months

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Walls Are Crumbling: Part 4

Fandom: Bridgerton

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x F!Reader

Summary: 6 months into your marriage and your pregnancy. You and Benedict are so in love. Every day is filled with even more love and laughter...until you see Lord Mattias again.

Warning: mentions of miscarriage (but its a lie), insinuation of smut at the end.

A/N: uh oh

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

You didn't expect for things to get a lot better, but they had. Being in love with Benedict, being married to him, having a child with him, albeit not his by blood, it was wonderful.

After the love confessions, you two had decided to sleep in the same bed together. You still have your room for reading or some alone time. Benedict has his own study where he paints. More often than not, you'll sit in the room with him to read while he paints.

Not today though. You had gone on a walk with Daphne and Auggie and you ran into someone unexpected: Lord Mattias.

It had been months since you last saw him. He had his arm around another woman and, previously, you would've been crushed. But now, you have neutral feelings towards the man.

"Lady L/N. How," he glances down at your stomach, "..wonderful to see you."

"You as well, Lord Mattias." You see him glance at your wedding ring, the one that belonged to Benedict's grandmother.

"I heard you'd gotten married," he states plainly.

You nod, "To Benedict Bridgerton."

"And you're expecting."

"I am and I'm very happy. Things have worked out well for me. I assume they have for you since," you gesture to the woman he has yet to introduce to you.

"Amelia," she introduces herself, "Jeffrey and I just gotten engaged ourselves!" She looks up at her fiance excitedly.

"Congratulations," you say. You nod to Daphne, "This is my sister-in-law, Daphne Basset, Duchess of Hastings."

Amelia immediately curtsies and Daphne shakes her head, "That's not necessary, please." She clears her throat, "Amelia, why don't you tell me how you and Lord Mattias met?" She gives you a pointed look before wandering off to the side. Amelia, eager to be in Daphne's presence follows her to a nearby bench.

Jeffrey clears his throat, "So is this child-"

"No. Fortunately for you, I lost the baby in its early term. This child is completely mine and Benedict's," you put a protective hand on your belly.

Jeffrey sighs, "Y/N, I regret what I said all those months ago. I do still lo-"

"Please, don't, Jeffrey. Save yourself from embarrassment. I'm happy now and you're getting engaged," you nod in Amelia's direction.

"I don't love her. Not like I love you," he reaches out to touch you, but you step back.

"Do not get any closer to me. Despite how much you've hurt me, I don't hate you. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be as happy as I am now, married to the man who's always been there for me and cared for me. But do us both a favor, and forget what happened between us."

You swiftly turn on your heel and walk over to Daphne and Amelia, your sister-in-law looking relieved to finally have you back, "Ready to go, sister?"

"I'm feeling quite tired now. I think it's best we head home for rest, don't you think, Daph?"

She nods all too quickly, "Yes! I agree!" she turns to Amelia, "It was a delight speaking with you. Congratulations on your engagement."

"Thank you so much, my lady!" You watch as Amelia gets up and rushes back to Jeffrey's side. You don't look his way as you pass, but you feel his eyes on you.

"Are you alright?" Daphne whispers.

"I can't believe I thought I was in love with him," you mumble, "He said he still loves me."

"Oh dear."

"I know. That poor girl. She looks so happy with him."

"Hopefully he'll get his head out of his arse."

You groan, "God, I hope so."

__________________

When you arrive back home, Benedict is in his studio painting. You're stomping in, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl in the middle of the room, and biting into it.

"I was painting that," he says with an amused smirk.

You stop chewing, "Oh," you look at him guiltily, "I'm sorry." You place the apple back into the bowl as best as you could.

He chuckles, putting down his brush and palette down, "It's alright. I should take a break anyway." He gestures for you to sit on the chaise and he sits beside you, "How was your time with Daphne?"

"It went well...until I ran into Lord Mattias." Benedict immediately sat up, "He asked if the child was still his."

"What did you say?"

You wince, "I lied. I said I lost his baby in early term. Should-Should I have told him the truth?"

"Did he say anything else?" Benedict asks with concern.

You look away from him, "He said he still loves me."

"Do you believe him?"

You look back up at your husband, "I don't know and, to be quite frank, I don't care. I've moved on. I'm happy and content," you cup his face with your hand and he leans into it, "with you and our cherub."

Benedict leans in and pecks your lips, "That's-That's very comforting to hear, honestly."

You look at him confused, "Why? Did you expect me to go running back to him?"

"No. Of course not. I-I suppose I thought there might have been a small part of you that still loves him."

You shake your head, "Benedict, my heart is completely yours. I don't care how Jeffrey feels. I love you."

"I love you. I just don't want to lose you."

"You won't," you take one of his hands and place it over your heart. With his other hand, you place it on your stomach, "You have us."

Benedict pulls you in for another kiss, murmuring against your lips, "I love you." Smooch. "I love you," Smooch. "I love you," he lays you onto your back, continuing to press kisses down your face, to your neck.

He truly loved you and he was going to show just how much.

#benedict bridgerton imagine #benedict bridgerton fic #benedict bridgerton x reader

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seraphiism · 6 months

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𓆩 ღ 𓆪 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥

( RUN TO YOUR DEVIL ; I'M SURE HE CAN HELP YOU. )

chara : ais fandom : touchstarved quote cr : bioshock a/n : if this makes sense , good . if not, blame maid ais ( this fic is not abt the halloween art, i just think he's neat )

i. SO YOU WILL CALL YOURSELF CURSED, your life riddled with havoc and death in innocence lost. in the road traveled, there are horrors untold, bandaged hands trembling as you hide them in fear of others and yourself. an evil deeply haunts you, finding belonging in your existence, in your blood, and in the corruption of what is meant to be good.

you will not drown yourself in damnation, not yet, but the water rises and rises, the murky tides seizing a coldness around your throat, a subtle violence looming in the waves that threaten to rid of your breath.

you have encountered far too many strange things in far too little time. at this point, you should be used to it, but there is something, or rather, someone, that constantly catches you off-guard. you find yourself at a loss, unsure if you wish to embrace it or flee from the feelings that stir your heart. how they frighten you so, and in his presence, there is always the quickening of your pulse.

but maybe you are reading too far into things. maybe you're just overwhelmed ; maybe the loneliness is getting to you, the starvation for companionship convincing your mind to make something out of nothing. but in the devil there is kindness, and in his touch, you cannot help but wonder : are you overthinking? or is there more to him, this demon that is made of cruelty and comfort?

ii. it begins with the learning of the seaspring, the radiant temptress : a sickeningly vicious crimson that envelops one in some means of escape , a void in which you lose yourself , intertwined with the existence of those who have succumbed to some sort of madness. the red in that resigned fate is the same as the red of his eyes, and in his gaze, you almost think you see regret amidst the scorn.

but you don't think for too long-- you can't, your balance suddenly off, consciousness nearly wiped out in the near fall into a crimson void. ais is quick to grab you, sparing you from a fate undeserved. it wouldn't have been fair, he tells you, if you didn't get to make the decision to take the fall on your own.

but there's amusement in the curve of his lips, and there's a warmth in the way his hand rests on the small of your back. there's something more, something else that you don't quite want to identify as he holds you close for longer than necessary.

and you let him, you do. you wonder if this is what safety is supposed to feel like. it terrifies you.

iii. it continues with the troublesome reunion at the bar : you almost want to drown the sorrows and stress away with the harsh taste of alcohol that leaves a burning in your throat, but you don't. you can't afford to lose yourself in the haze, can't afford to lower your guard. your nerves are frayed, mind on the edge of frenzy from the sheer exhaustion of the past few days. it's been too eventful. too overwhelming.

you need fresh air, a strange panic brewing in the roots of the soul as you feel it all sink in : your death , your revival , the encounters with those you want to trust but do not dare to. your hands rest on the bar counter, clenched, and your gaze almost seems... absent, he notices.

he may be occupied, may seemingly have his attention focused elsewhere, but there is something so fascinating and terribly entertaining about you that he cannot seem to look away. he may have taunted you earlier, pushed and pulled to see what your limits were, but even he has a heart, after all.

you feel a familiar presence near you -- a hand gently resting on your waist, a soft murmur in your ear.

"doing alright, sparrow?"

your body stills. you swallow hard, barely turning your head.

"i'm fine." you respond, and you slip away from his grasp, throwing him a brief glance before you sneak through the busy crowds in search of a calm you'll never find.

iv. and now-- now, you have come to a defeated conclusion : calm is the farthest thing that will ever be granted to you. doesn't matter where you are, doesn't matter what you do-- it would be too convenient, too kind, really, and you wonder if you are asking too much.

all you wanted was to try catching your breath, try finding some semblance of peace amidst the chaos. but instead, you found trouble, landed yourself in yet another dangerous situation, because what's a night out at the bar if there's no drunken fight? it's not fun if you're not dragged into some god awful brawl somehow. you don't question it. no point, not with your luck.

so now, you find yourself hiding in the dark alley, lungs burning with deprivation. the movement of your chest is subtle, shallow, and ais notices it-- it's hard to not notice, not when his body is pressed against yours, his hand over your mouth in determination to keep you safe and quiet.

he deems it an interesting predicament. you don't.

not with the lack of distance between your bodies, your back against the wall, his blood on your lips. his smirk falters only the slightest bit at your bite-- a surprising defiance he didn't quite expect from you. but the flicker of bewilderment soon twists into pure amusement, and you think you love and hate it. he keeps his mouth shut, and so do you, even when his hand falls to his side. nearby, there is a rising panic, then the quick steps of enemies fading as they make haste in their escape.

it's safe now. you let out a quiet sigh of relief knowing you've avoided harm once more, and though you hate to admit it, it's because of him. your gaze focuses on your surroundings, searching for the possibility that someone may be deceiving you, waiting in the shadows for the right opportunity to strike.

"you've got a bad bite, little sparrow." ais murmurs, and you feel his hand gently grip your jaw, forcing you to focus on him. "that's no way to thank someone who keeps saving your life."

there's a heat that suddenly rushes to your face. timid, you want to look elsewhere, but you don't dare give him the satisfaction of looking away. it's hard to focus, the faintest trace of iron on your tongue, the feeling of another's warmth against your body.

"so sorry, ais." your apology seethes with sarcasm. "next time, i'll be sure to be gentle."

he chuckles softly, doesn't even think about pulling away from you. not when you're this close.

"don't worry, pretty thing." he tells you, thumb tracing over your lips, and perhaps that smirk softens into something gentle at the sight of the crimson that is his. "my red looks good on you."

#touchstarved #touchstarved x reader #ais x reader #ais touchstarved #.: writing #im yellin i meant to write smth short !!!!!! i miss him dearly ( he is not real )

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wifetomegatron · 6 months

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you flare, you flicker, you fade (and in the end, all your tomorrows become yesterdays) [ megatron / reader ]

" I don't have a heartbeat,” She sighed sadly.

He regarded her, standing by the window. Under the half-light, her limbs look almost translucent, pale if not a little blue. That's what happens to organic skin when it oxidises to rot: tearing at the seams.

" Neither do I."

In which Megatron believes the personification of his guilt against humanity has come to haunt him in the late hours of the night.

rating: not rated, sfw! + themes & mentions of death relationship : megatron / f!reader fandoms: transformers (idw generation one) / idw 2005 / mtmte & lost light characters: megatron (transformers), ratchet (transformers), terminus (transformers), rodimus | rodimus prime, minimus ambus (transformers), rung (transformers) additional tags: angst, tangst with a happy ending, pov third person, idk how to tag this, refrences to edgar allan poe, references to ancient greek religion & lore, inspired by corpse bride by tim burton, the reader is referred as she and there's no usage of you but she/her , mentions of myth & folklore, euthanasia warning, death warning This is reposted from ao3 as it’s quite long (3,171 words)

" She said: when will we meet? I said: A year after the war ends. She said: When will the war end? I said: When we meet" — Mahmoud Darwish

01. After Trepan — after everything — Megatron doesn't dream. He can feel his processor spin and think during recharge, but he never dreams. And so when he dreamt for the first time, he almost forgot it was possible. Almost.

His dream was a kaleidoscope of images, a flurry, a blur. His body was moving, but he remained still, watching a memory that didn't belong to him. And he knew this because he could hear the sea.

The universal translator is too gentle. There wasn't a word to describe the great ‘seas’ of Cybertron. Back when he toiled under Nova Point, he assumed — like everybody else —that liquid water was a rumour. And then he saw it, deep, silver mercury, unlike anything, roaring beneath the horizon. Yet he dreams of a sea he never saw, dark and vacuum, sealed under a storm.

Rodimus banged on his door. He was forcibly woken. Even when they were talking by his doorway, Megatron could taste salt in his denta: so foreign his intake nearly rejects it.

02. It started with the humming. It was so quiet that Megatron wouldn't have registered it if it wasn't for how foreign it sounded: non-mechanical and soft. Too soft. A glitch in his audials was likely, with the fool's energon slowing his processor. Yet he remained sharp, vigilant the moment the sound rang from down the hall. As he tried to listen to the silence, the ship thrummed underneath his pedes. Everything else was in the right place: electric, electronic, the usual clicks from the coolers, the vents drumming above. And yet the tune remains, faint if not fading. Drift was soundless. And he was trying to focus. So when the mech asked him what was wrong, Megatron blamed the startle on the fool's energon.

03. She watches him from the corner of his peripheral. Playful. Shy. His optics drifted from the PADD — carefully, to not alarm Minimus — to make sense of her. Ratchet said internal hemorrhaging of the wires could lead to hallucinations, where the cyberium that lined his cables would inflate and leak; poisoning the Energon.

Behind him, she waved, wrist and elbow sharp and jutting, in contrast to the smooth, metal backdrop of the office. He diverted his attention to the conversation just in time. And when Megatron raised his helm again, she was gone.

Ratchet gave him the clear; he wasn't in any way incapacitated. And when he tells the CMO about tasting salt in the back of his intake, all he gets is a funny look.

04. Cybertronians don't have taste receptors for sodium chloride: ‘salty’ doesn't exist in their vernacular, only recently introduced through the translator. The closest word they have to describing Energon is that it burns. Just a little bit. Alkali and acid dissolving against the dentae: bubbling like sea foam against the sand.

05. She is the name of the unknown. She died in Cybertron many, many years ago — in a time before him, in a time before the war. So those who walked after her used the pronoun to describe the unfounded. Those without dichotomy, those without truth. The Lost Light is she, and so is the vastness of space. Nautica — who is she, herself — refers to her unsolved equations as her, and so does Perceptor. She is the graveyard of hypotheses, waiting to be kissed alive.

So it’s only natural for Megatron to think she 's lab-made. An experiment went wrong, a failed refraction of light. Brainstorm did say he was experimenting with holoforms. And yet the scientist never recharges in his room down the hallway: always too busy and never wanting to be alone. So Megatron observes her like she is a creature out of a petri dish.

The ghost blinks. Once. Twice — eyelashes, batting against her rotting cheeks.

It's rude to stare. She laughed. The sound was an airy, feathered thing.

She doesn't seem perturbed by the fact that the left side of her jaw is hanging by the threads of a torn muscle. With the epidermis of her chin loose and gorged, he could inside her anatomy.

Dark red and wet, not even Brainstorm would replicate something like this.

Forgive me.

She held the wilted bouquet in her hands a little bit tighter.

It's usually bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. Do you believe in that?

Megatron doesn't know what he believes. He lies on his slab with her sitting by his window, and he thinks of the question as recharge swallows him whole. He was on a ship, lightyears away, and all he could think of was the texture of her throat as it flakes and cracks.

He doesn't believe in bad luck, yet humans have many names for it: karma, kismet. Megatron wonders by which name he should call her.

06. It takes him milliseconds to learn. Everything he needed to know about humans was handed to him on a silver platter, convenient and superior. Is this why he had thought of himself so high compared to them? Self-fulfilling prophecies who were so Darwinian and slow and stuck in their ways.

(Yet, in the end, weren't they like that as well? Eons to live for, and yet they waste it on killing one another. He wasted it.)

He has lived through the birth of her first rivers, the christening of her people, and the rise and fall of empires as they pile atop one another. The passing of thousands of eclipses that humans can only dream of witnessing once within their finite lifespans — and yet here he was.

The humans would call him Icarian; held together by wax and pretending it was metal, plunging to his hypocrisy as he strays further from the sun.

07. Why a thing so innocuous? So naive and so docile.

A girl in a wedding gown.

Even when his mind tries to conjure up something beautiful, he still finds a way to corrupt it. Maybe that's why she's undead, ribcages peeking out of the tear of her dress yet never heaving to breathe. He buried his guilt, and she decayed. It's perverse and he loathes himself for it.

Megatron tells himself that's why she's here. To make him answer for corrupting her soil, and even if his pillage on Earth felt like a lifetime ago, he remembers.

The only bride that he could think of was a dead one. What does that say about him?

Without Soundwave, at least not directly, he was safe in the knowledge that no one aboard the ship could spy into his thoughts. They would find him appalling — more than they already did.It was a good thing that she very rarely approaches him when he’s outside his quarters. And in the rare instances she did, no one would acknowledge her.

The end of her dress, dragging across the floor.

Ravage tries to convince him he’s been tampered with, that it’s shadowplay. He threatens to tell Soundwave and Megatron lets him. He tells him to do whatever he wants, as long as he leaves them alone — unless, of course, he’s content with listening to an invisible orator. And so the panther slinks back into the dark resentfully, muttering to himself about how the mighty Megatron’s gone mad.

He has, hasn’t he?

08. She remembers nothing except the ocean, cold and majestic. Where she emerged from the tides — and he notes that her predecessor, their goddess of love, was also born out of foam — flush with the sheen of the sea.

Then is grief born out of the sea? Megatron thinks. Did the Olympian create it at the same time she created love?

No. But people fight for love and love to fight. So love married war. She explained. The dyads then became synonymous.

And is that what we are? He asked her. A sequence of two, bind together to marry?

She smiled at him — bright enough to distract Megatron from the bone of her jaw that shifted from the movement. Until death do us part.

He wanted to laugh.

09. Terminus told him the ancient world was pitch black, and if anyone from today were to travel back in time to witness it, the emptiness would blind their optics if not drive them mad. A shadow so greedy that it crowds the air with its emptiness. That time, Megatron had briefly wondered if such nothingness existed. Yet, the same darkness had forged Solus: intelligent and beautiful, she was one of the first, flares of light.

He thinks of the Prime as she offlines at the hilt of Megatronus' Star Saber. And even in her death, the last words she spoke were about love. Was that the start of the chain reactions that lit up Cybertron? Which of the two sparked the lucidity that charged life into the millions of dormant sparks? Her death or her love?

(He has to remind himself that the same love killed her.)

10. The truth is symmetrical, cogs in the right places. Perceptor argued.

Nautica rubs the side of her helm with both servos. Her tools, messy on top of the table.

Yes, but you see, we won’t be travelling in linear time. We’re planning to break free from that. If symmetry is your truth then where will that leave us once we go on a loop?

Something inside him hitched. Oh.

All optics were on him.

What? Rodimus urged.

Nothing. He lied. I didn't know we could get stuck in time.

That’s what happens when you don’t move on. Brainstorm shrugs. Time freezes you. So you have to learn how to melt it.

11. She says she feels cold. He assumed she felt nothing, numb as she fluttered her fingers experimentally on the shell of his armor. Numb with the same indifference she had with the lack of oxygen aboard the ship.

He didn’t stop her, trying to etch the feel of her curious touch. It felt like nothing, feather-like and ghosting across the surface like a stray draft of wind. He has to mentally fill in the gaps himself, and if Megatron thinks hard enough, he can pretend the warmth exists. That it lingers and clings to him.

Her fingers run along the ridge of his chin and the underside of his palm. Yet he's still not enough to chase away the cold.

No matter how hard she tries, her kindness has no source in his stout and unyielding world. And so he is left to wonder what it would be like if she didn’t oscillate in and out of time and space. To feel her, whole and alive, would be mercy. That would be unfair.

Time and time again, he'd ask her: why are you here?

I'm waiting for my husband. She'd tell him, small against his open palms. We're going home.

Megatron feels as if the air compresses when she speaks.

Where is home? He'd ask her. Intake dry as he swallows salt.

The darkness of his habsuite doesn’t seem to touch her features, which appear bright, as if a private sun were hanging above her brow. She'd motion for him to come closer and brush her tiny lips against his. It felt like nothing. She was a shadow that had casted herself across his face.

The sea.

12. Megatron observes the little trinkets littered across Rung's office. They were tidy and upright, great big ships, each marking well-known voyages and exoduses. He imagines them cutting through the galaxy's undercurrent, great, metallic sails, reeling through the vortex of nothing.

Then he catches it, the small, black figure tucked away at the top-right corner of his shelf.

Rung turns around in his chair to follow his line of vision.

The humans call it a raven. Of course, they don't come in the same size. They're small, as are all things Earth.

Laserbeak is sleek and sharp. Sentio-Metallico down to his core. Yet this bird — the real one — is a void with shadows. Slender beaks made of meat, and bone for claws.

Humans called them omens.

And who would gift you a warning?

The psychiatrist looks out the window, round-rimmed glasses, clever under the light.

I don't remember. He lies, and the next time Megatron enters his office two days later, the bird is nowhere to be seen.

13. If she is born out of the sea, then that must make her a siren. She still hums a tune he’s never heard before. And it did lure him. And when Megatron tells her this, she shakes her head.

But a mermaid has no tears, and therefore she suffers so much more.

Cybertronians don’t cry either. He told her. And the look she gave him was withering as if he had trapped all the light and left her to sit in the dark. He was, after all, empty if not made of black holes. Is that why his spark feels heavy all the time, dense with the magnitude of his sins? And when the weight becomes unbearable, he tears himself apart, and with it he cuts through the fabric of space. The anti-matter was now leaking out of his optics, crawling past the sutures, wringing him iode by iode.

Someone was calling him, but he couldn’t hear. The forcefield was cracking, shattering with him.

It was excruciating. Yet amidst the throes, he feels it, the light-headedness, the gradual rise and lull — in a way, he was crying. Maybe he was also made of oceans.

14. Megatron found a flaw in her story. Love didn’t marry War, and before they eloped, Love had married Creation; Solus has always been fond of metallurgy. That was her alchemy. And Venus used to seek refuge in the fire of her husband’s forge. Yet she was unhappy — why is that?

Why was he?

You could have been a creator. His corpse bride mused. That’s why you wrote.

I still do .

Do goddesses feel remorse? He thought maybe she didn't. War seduced her. And she had let him corrupt and penetrate and ravish. Megatron reminds himself it was symbiotic; she loved his wrath and his power. The Sun was their witness, and he claims she was unhappy because Creation was unkind to her. So she stared into the abyss.

And Megatron understood.

He thought of staying idle and evanesce under the mines, private and forgotten, without having dented the surface of his homeland. Now they tell stories of him, and his name is forever carved into the macrocosm. If not by words through wounds. And as the universe ages into senescence, will the pain — which echoes and expands like the gases under Croteus 12 — continue to bleed through generations to come?

Outside, he could see the field of flowers. Ebullient blue, swaying gently with the wind. With the sun on the horizon and dusk to chase away the chaos of the night, Megatron stared at Terminus, worn and confused — and refused.

This won't be my legacy .

15. In another life, she promised, you could be a creator .

And what will I create ?

She was small, so small that he had to lift her up to his face, where she could make a motion to hug the side of his cheek with her body.

(Destiny had always made him feel small, she even more so.)

Love. You will love me.

He supposed that’s possible. He wanted, once a very long time ago, to be a medic. And maybe he could even be an explorer as he was aboard the Lost Light. Searching for lost things. Searching for her.

The blue, luminescent light above him flickered. And even higher above — two, three levels up in the sentencing chamber — the jury was deciding his fate. Footfalls chased away the sound of the sea. And so he pulled out his Rodimus star, crumpled and yellow, sitting in the middle of his palm.

She smiled sadly at that.

And will I love you well ? He asked.

You know you will.

16. It’s like falling asleep. She promises.

He was falling into recharge, but the word sounded garish, rough. Sleep sounded more like drifting. Sinking. She was there when he laid across the slab, where the monitors beeped and chirped as they pumped fluids into his cable — and he let them, drawing the curtains close.

She tells him to inhale, teaching him how to breathe. (The juxtaposition of it all made him smile inwards.) And when the air rushes past his intake, he could taste it again. The pull, the push, the hum of the great, big tides. They roll and crash into the sand, disappearing into froth. He dreams of standing across her, now at the same height, face to face.

No longer was he her resting ground to haunt.

On the branch of a tree that appeared above him, a raven swooped down. The beating of her wings, tumbling through the mist.

My dear , the creature spoke. He belongs to the gardens with the rest of my brother's creations . You belong to the sea. With me.

His bride was pleading, telling her that life has parted them, so it would only be right for them to be joined here.

And as if pausing to give her words a thought, the Raven turned to the west and crowed. Though you may not remember it, we have been here before. It will only be fair if I would send you both back. But know that the end stays the same. What is mine is mine, and what is my brother's is his.

Megatron doesn’t dream, but now he lives in one — where reality is no more than a distant memory, an echo from another, linear time. And so the ferryman lets Megatron guide his bride atop the boat, so they can sail out together, into the sea.

17. De ja vu , she called it. A memory she had lived through before, even if it wasn't hers.

We are traveling in a loop. It's true. The quantum jump had worked, and now they all live in a forever dream, conjured up by Brainstorm and Perceptor's simpatico. The Earthling ran a nervous hand down the creases of her clothes, hesitant with her next question. Yet, Megatron was patient. (Waiting, it was as if they were both used to that.)

I think we met in a previous life.

The glass atop the tabletop gleamed, and in the space of Swerve's bar — where the bartender was too far away to intrude — Megatron could hear the song of the ocean. There was no point in lying. He did come looking for her. And here she was, whole.

I think we did.

"And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride, In her sepulchre there by the sea— In her tomb by the sounding sea." — Annabel Lee, Edgar Allan Poe

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ghxstic · 2 years

Text

. . . DON'T BE SCARED, COME ON IN. INDULGE

ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ intro —

hello! this is a repost of the original post due to tags not working at first! hopefully tags work now for this post or i'll explode. anyway! this is my first ever kinktober! i hope you enjoy! reblogs are very appreciated!

ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ fandoms —

this specific kinktober list will consist of: jujutsu kaisen, demon slayer, hunter x hunter, death note, and hellsing!

ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ warnings & tags —

these kinktober posts will contain dubious & dark content that some might be wary of! read through the post to see which fics you do not want to read & what fics you want to read!

wanna be tagged in any of these fics or any upcoming fics? fill out my TAG FORM!

WEEK 1 ꒲ SLASHER LOVERS WEEK ! !

SLASHER! CHROLLO LUCILFER X READER —

he was so charming, flashing a soft smile in your way as you sat pretty, walking over he started gentle small talk. in the end he invited you out on a date, he was so charming, who were you to deny? the date went smoothly, but when he invited you to his home you were a bit hesitant, repeatedly telling yourself it would be okay, you accepted. he seemed so innocent, nothing could go wrong, right?

cream pie, mentions of kidnapping, chrollo takes whatever he wants.

SLASHER! KENTO NANAMI X WIFE! READER —

kento nanami was an unhinged man, though all his murderous actions were all kept taimed and calculated. normally a man like him would be unlovable, simply vile and a scum of the earth. yet, here you were. a diamond ring on your finger and similarly unhinged mind. oh, what a killer couple.

murder makes you both horny? blood play (blood belongs to a victim) needy sex, cream pie, sex on a table

SLASHER! GYUTARO SHABANA X READER —

gyutaro shabana is a very troubled man, an incel of sorts, he was unsightly and most couldn't even bear to look him in the eye. he would take his anger out on the people around him, a cold blooded and vile murderer that left his victims mutilated. one night, while he stalked the streets, he saw you, trying to fight off a perverted drunk, feeling generous he was quick to pull to intervene, his ugly face scaring him away. but you? you held him close, muttering words of appreciation before leaving. this awakened a new obsession within him.

fear play, he's actually obsessed with you, stalkerish tendencies, very needy sex on his part, slight dubious content? slight dacryphilia, groping, perverted! gyutaro

SLASHER! TOJI FUSHIGURO X READER X SLASHER! SUGURU GETOU —

you were a detective, currently working on recent murder cases that were lead by killers toji fushiguro and suguru getou. you just needed to collect more evidence against the two men to finally incarcerate them. little did you know that they were aware of your investigations, you'd be stupid to think that they would let you get away with exposing them.

somnophilia, knife play, threatening your life? instead of being scared you're horny for the two killers, degrading, both of them are mean :( cream pies, double penetration, gun play on toji's part

SLASHER! DOUMA X READER —

with an odd appetite and a pretty face, it was hard to not fall for douma. you knew about his true cannibalistic nature, but he had molded you completely into the perfect follower. feeding you with constant praises that made you stick around for him, telling you about how his killings were for the greater good, you wouldn't want to intervene god's work, right?

cannibalism, douma makes you consume the victims blood, praise, hes a bit patronizing, religion gets mentioned, sadism, his nails cut into you, highkey brainwashing.

WEEK 2 ꒲ MONSTERFUCKING WEEK ! !

MERMAN! TOJI FUSHIGURO X MARINE BIOLOGIST! READER —

as a marine biologist, you were sent to an expedition to study and record the wildlife, you recorded the constant carnage that washed ashore of many disembodied fish, the fish being quite large. you stuck around, morbid curiosity filling your mind, wanting to know was animal was behind this. then, you saw him, a merman, a perfectly structured body with greenish hues in his skin, claws, scars through his body, and overall a fascinating creature. you managed to get close enough to it, intense green eyes staring up at you through the darkness of the water. what is it thinking?

oviposition, size kink, belly bulge, technically it's public sex but there's no one at the beach. you're a bit freaked out at first, but after relaxing you're enjoying it. dacryphilia, impregnation.

MONSTER! CAPITANO X READER—

he was a very interesting creature, mostly human, but you could tell there were some differences between his body and the normal human body. you wanted to learn more about him and the differences there were in between you and him. finding out his cock was much bigger than the average was just a plus.

size kink, belly bulge, cervix fucking, he's very animalistic, primal urges on his part, breeding, knot, dacryphilia, dumbification.

VAMPIRE! ILLUMI ZOLDYCK X VAMPIRE-HUNTER! READER—

your job was to kill vampires, that was all your life was dedicated to, you enjoyed your job. but once you get assigned to kill illumi zoldyck, you knew this was a very important kill. finding him was hard, but putting a stake through his heart was even harder. you loved you job, why was killing him so hard?

blood play, masochist reader, he bites your neck and you enjoy it, breeding, impregnation, hypnosis / mind control, slight nipple praise, mentions of lactation and familial things.

HALF-DRAGON! ZHONGLI (MORAX) X CONCUBINE! READER —

being morax's concubine was an interesting job, to say the least, the geo archon recruited you and only you to be his outlet for sexual pleasure, yet you weren't his bride. your job was to be used, bred, and produce the archon his children. this all comes to play when the archon enter mating season.

oviposition, mentions of past pregnancy, mentions of stretch marks and lactation, very primal on his part, impregnation, mating season, he purrs and cares for you.

GARGOYLE! CHILDE (AJAX) X NUN! READER —

you were a nun in the central cathedral of snezhnaya, one of your favorite parts of your job was a specific gargoyle that adored the cathedral by one of its many balconies. it was sculpted to be human like, a man with a built form, he held a scowl on his lips, sharp fans showed with the expression, he had large wings, claws, and only a cloth that covered his hips. you didn't know what attracted you to the sculpture, most days you would come to the balcony and talk to it as if it listed, you even spoke to him as if he were any other human. late one night, you noticed a change in his position, did the sculpture truly move?

statue sex? virginity loss, a while "purity" cliche, religious themes, religious guilt, dumbification, praise, he purrs too, a bit animalistic, biting & marking.

WEEK 3 ꒲ YANDERE WEEK ! !

YANDERE! L LAWLIET X READER —

cameras were set up everywhere in your home, against your knowledge. they recorded you every single day, watching as you went through life, the man behind the device was name Lawliet, a bright man that fawned over you. laying down on your bed, your hands slipped in between your legs, soft sighs leaving your lips, involuntarily putting up a show for the detective.

voyeurism, non-con filming, male masturbation, female masturbation, L is a pervert and a creep.

YANDERE! MAHITO X READER —

you could see him, maybe that's why he liked you so much, the fact that you could see him. you weren't a sorcerer, in truth he had no idea how you could see him. but, he didn't care enough to ask. he was a very crude curse, experimental and needy, constantly clinging and groping you, excusing himself by "wanting to learn more about you" and you let him, you let his fondle and use you like as if he was a hormonal teenager. who could blame you? you enjoyed getting used.

groping, fondling, slight threatening, needy sex, pre-mature cumming but mahito has infinite stamina, overstimulation, dacryphilia.

YANDERE! PIERRO X READER —

being pierro's wife was a very hard job for you, he was neglectful and selfish, you've had to put up with him for years now. even if you loved him, you knew you needed to go. once you told you you wanted a divorce, he was rather surprised, not expecting those words out of your mouth. he couldn't lose you, he wasn't going to let you leave, what can a man do to save his failing marriage? baby trap his pretty wife, of course.

babytrapping, breeding, impregnation, toxic relationships, pierro is a bad person, manipulation, size kink.

YANDERE! MUZAN KIBUTSUJI X UPPERMOON! READER —

you were an uppermoon, a very resilient and powerful one at that, there was something about you that truly caught the muzan's eye. the king of demons himself was enamored by you, he kept you at easy reach, making sure no harm is caused to you. normally, he would be selfish and crude to the women in his life, even his faux spouses, but when it came to you. you brought out the worst in him.

frustrated muzan, he's an asshole, but he's horny, degradation, marking, biting, choking, rough sex, dacryphilia, spanking.

YANDERE! PANTALONE X READER —

you were such a sweet woman, crossing paths with the ninth fatui harbinger wasn't planned, but it happened. being courteous, you invited him into your home to offer warmth and food, even if he didn't need it, he agreed. now, it became a small weekly activity for him to visit your cozy home, you always welcomed him with such a bright smile and open arms. little did you know that he started growing a small fascination to you.

cheating / adultery, pantalone seduces you into cheating, reader is guilty but enjoys it nonetheless, dacryphilia, highkey sugar daddy! pantalone, cream pie.

WEEK 4 ꒲ MODERN HORRORS WEEK ! !

BULLY! GOJO SATORU X READER X BULLY! SUGURU GETOU —

they were notorious for ruining your life, showing such dislike towards you, yet they never seemed to leave you alone. it all boils down when the school's halloween party starts to make the rounds in between students, you didn't plan to go, but your friends all make you tag along. at first, you enjoyed the party with your friends, singing and dancing, but when you separate to go freshen up, much to your dismay, you bump into them.

threesome, they're both assholes, slut shaming, public sex (kind of), non-con filming, dumbification, doggy style, blowjobs, deepthroating, lots of cum.

DRUNK! UZUI TENGEN X READER —

after a long night spent hanging out with your friends to celebrate halloween, you get home, dragging your much too drunk husband by your side. while sitting on your bed, he starts to talk about how pretty you looked, compliments slowly melting into lustful commentary. it went from how pretty you looked in your costume to how much he wanted to see that costume off. being his loving wife, you were going to comply, right?

riding, slight size kink, nipple play (m! receiving) drunk sex (consensual) slight-sub! uzui, he whimpers but he has control over you, leaving hickies.

DILF! DILUC RAGNVINDR X MILF! READER —

taking your child trick-or-treating was just one of the wonders of parenthood, you and your husband walked hand in hand as your little boy collected candy. unbeknownst to you, your child saw how other families walked by, the difference was that instead of just one child, parents had two or more children. he wanted that! after you get back home, your little boy tells you how he wanted a little sibling! sharing a look with your husband, you can see that there was a new spark behind his crimson eyes. after putting your son down to bed, your hand was quick to drag you into your shared bedroom.

mentions of past pregnancy, reader is implied to be plus-size, praise, slight body worship (f! receiving) diluc loves your mommy body, usage of the words mommy and daddy, breeding, impregnation, breast play, diluc is practically pussy drunk.

KYOJURO RENGOKU X READER X UZUI TENGEN —

kyojuro was truly a loving husband, you and him went hand in hand perfectly, you were quite aware of kyojuro's friendship with uzui. you didn't mind though! uzui was a great person to talk to, one day though, while the three of you are all hanging out in your home watching a horror movie as a simple way to pass halloween. you accidentally clung onto uzui once a jumpscare came to screen, hiding your face in his chest while your hands gripped his shirt, uzui couldn't help but feel his stomach swirl. embarrassed, you excuse yourself to get "more popcorn" once you come back and sit back down, kyojuro's arm wraps around yours and uzui's hand rests on your thigh. your attention was quickly turned from the movie to the two men.

accidental turn on, slight cuckolding, male masturbating, kyojuro watches as uzui fucks you, dumbification, double penetration, creampie on both sides.

L LAWLIET X READER X LIGHT YAGAMI —

you loved lawliet, you really did! sometimes though he was a bit hard to deal with, considering how seriously he took his work. now that he was chained up with the number one suspect of the kira case, you decided to have some fun. teasing was your number one activity, lawliet is a tough shell to crack though, but you did it. what you didn't expect was for light to join in too.

public teasing, cheating (light cheats on misa?) male masturbation, blowjob, pussyy drunk L, dacryphilia, cum eating?

OCTOBER 31ST SPECIAL ! !

ALUCARD X BRIDE! READER —

you have been alucard's undead bride for centuries now, in nights like these, you enjoyed basking in your husband's cold touch. you could feel his fangs brush against your fragile neck, two hands holding you down against him. oh, how much you enjoyed his touch.

blood play, he bites your neck and lets you bleed, licking, oral & fingering (f! receiving) praise, body worship.

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schneereggen · 8 months

Note

Simple question, but I still want to ask, looking at the manga right now there seem to be some chances that the author might ruin mikayuu ship, and if that happens I'm afraid gureshin/shingure would also reach the same fate.

Worst- probably kagami will end up guren with mahiru after all that emotional damage and we will never get to see shinya's real feeling towards guren or shinya may just become yet another love interest for guren.

Mikayuu is surely more popular than gureshin and if this ends then I'm quite sure gureshin will too.

What are your thoughts in this?

So... Where so I begin? I think chronologically according to your points would be best.

First of all, how should the Mikayuu ship be ruined? If they turn out to be two parts of Mikaela? I don't see how this would ruin the ship in any way. It doesn't undo the "we will stay forever for several thousand years". No, it even emphasizes "we belong together". That the two are inseparable had always been an essential part of the ship. I don't see anything undo what they already have.

In my opinion it's silly how everyone keeps panicking now. It had always been clear that mikayu will probably never be canon-canon. But nothing of this changes the possibility that they would still be together in the end. As I said before, they are inseparable and i can't imagine an ending where they either die or live together.

As for GureShin. Guren and Shinya were also never made to be canon-canon. Still we got overly romantic toned scenes. For example the motorcycle scene. Listening to your friends heart beats? *Cough* still, this was made to be read romantic not be romantic. And Guren would never end up with Shinya in a romantic relationship.and that's fine.

It's always said that Kagami doesn't know how to write romance. He had been writing romance in his previous works and these always had more chemistry and build up than all the other shippings that the fandom claims will be canon in the end.

Shinoa was even predicted to project her own nerds and desires onto a person and Guren always kept his distance from Mahiru. These ships are written to be one sided. And that's really interesting. It's just that the story has the tendency to not tell the reader anything concrete. So it won't tell you "Guren doesn't love Mahiru". It will tell you "he doesn't like to talk with her about his problems" or "she was his biggest mistake". That's a lot of evidence that is often ignored because the other characters think that they are lovers (Shinoa, Kureto) and this makes sense in the context of the story.

But considering how Guren's and Shinya's relationship is described and Shinya always is Guren's sweet spot: all of this will never change. Guren had been crying for Shinya's sake, he had been protecting him no matter what. So I'm still here to hopefully - in the future - get more fan service scenes between Guren and Shinya despite knowing they will never be a "real thing".

I'm just here to see them act overly cute together and I'm positive that this will happen again 💕

#owari no seraph #seraph of the end #ons #vampire reign #gureshin #shingure #mikayuu #yuumika #guren ichinose #shinya hiragi #shinya hiiragi #mahiru hiiragi #mahiru hiragi #anon ask #nohomo

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rose-tinted-vision · 14 days

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Fic: you're taking my heart by storm

Fandom: White Cat Legend (大理寺少卿游）

Relationship: Qiu Qingzhi/Li Bing, Qiu Qingzhi and Yi Zhihua

chapter 2/? | read it on ao3

Li Bing, Qiu Qingzhi thinks, you would have hated it here.

It is a statement he can say with absolute confidence, because he knows Li Bing– stupidly upright, unfailingly kind and accepting of everyone, no matter their status– a person like him would have detested it here, where Commanders think themselves god and discrimination is the norm.

Despite his friends best interest, he had been sorted into the slave camp, placing him back to square one.

You are not the Li Family's slave, Li Bing had said. It was true, they had treated him as an equal– anything he did, he did because he wanted to– he was not their slave, but before that, he had been someone else's.

Though it has been far too long since anyone has treated him as one, that was for sure. He had nearly forgotten how it had been like to be looked upon with such open disgust, to be spat on, and treated as if he were expendable.

(He is. Expendable, that is. But he had long since decided that he would only let one man command his fate).

Qiu Qingzhi quickly understands that it is no use risking his life while he is in the slave camp. No one ever got their due credits, to ensure that the slaves stayed at the bottom where they belonged, and it was becoming increasingly apparent that they are silently killing them off in batches.

So Qiu Qingzhi waits for his death.

He waits, and he plots his escape route in the meantime.

Sorry, Li Bing. I won't be able to fulfill your dreams.

He would be marked a traitor, a deserter once his escape was reported. He would not be able to return to Shengdu without being thrown to the Death Row.

—

“Don't come back if you're not made General!” Li Bing had playfully called after him.

Qiu Qingzhi’s step falters, and he lets himself fall onto the scorching sand. It sticks onto this sweat soaked skin, sneaking under his clothes, scratching the skin underneath.

It is burns his skin, the desert heat agonizing, but he is too tired to get up.

He writes a mental apology to Li Bing. Tries to remember how the other had looked during that night they drank together.

If he had any regrets, it was that he had not been brave enough to confess his feelings before he left. That he may never see those huge, intelligent, beautiful eyes ever again.

Qiu Qingzhi knows that he is on the verge of death, that he would not survive this day. It has been a while since he last ate, having run out of camps to raid for food and water a while back, and his legs refused to carry him any longer.

But even in the last moments of his life Li Bing continues to haunt him. Dream-Li Bing looms over him and demands that he pick himself up, that he return to Shendu safely, that he live.

(Qiu Qingzhi knows that it must be a hallucination, a sign that he is losing his grip on life– because Li Bing would never physically be able to survive a trip to the canyons, and yet he picks himself up anyway, unable to refuse Li Bing in any shape or form).

So he forces himself back up, drags himself to a crevice nearby, and plots.

He needs something to ensure that he was not branded a traitor or slave upon his return to Shendu. He needs insurance.

—

He had been suspicious about this deployment right from the start– the details did not make sense. Why deploy so many men just for the state of Zixu, whose military might was nothing compared to theirs?

Staring at the lithe demon stretching atop the coffin he had just lain in seconds ago, he can guess why, though he does not quite understand the whole picture.

It was at times like this that he sorely missed having Li Bing around. He would be able to deduce why in a matter of seconds, Qiu Qingzhi thinks.

But for now, he retreats discreetly, while the others are still transfixed by the sight before them.

“Whose blood is this?” he hears the monster snarl, and he hastens his pace. Dying to a cat did not sound like one for the historical records.

—

The monster finds him anyway, killing everyone standing between them as he invades Qiu Qingzhi’s personal space, demanding for his blood.

Qiu Qingzhi takes a slow look at the monster before him. He notes the feral look in his eyes that he usually saw in cornered animals, the tense posture that resembled those fallen from grace who refused to bow, even in their last moments, and can only pity the monster.

That such a powerful being would be degraded to a mere object, thrown around for its abilities and nothing more.

Feels sorry that he is about to do the same.

The monster obviously does not see it coming, overconfident in its own abilities as he mocks Qiu Qingzhi for being so human. Yet here he stands, staring at the demon who had fallen into his trap from his perch on the cliff, a human who has captured a demon.

He stabs the monster once more for good measure, and proceeds to tie it up.

It is nighttime when the monster finally regains consciousness, either due to the scorpion he was roasting, or the gash on his palm he'd gotten from killing the scorpion.

As expected, it immediately bargains to be set free. It offers up his blood, throws around promises of immortality and strength that a lesser man would have given in to. Qiu Qingzhi only recoils at such ideas– what good was immortality if Li Bing– cursed with a debilitating illness– would not live as long as he did?

Strength, maybe. But he was plenty strong enough himself.

His disinterest clearly upsets the monster, who starts screaming in frustration, growing increasingly desperate with his offers.

Qiu Qingzhi simply walks up to it, and breaks its fangs the same way he'd seen interrogators do to criminals. The monster flinches, wailing at his cruelty, and Qiu Qingzhi almost feels bad for it. Almost.

“Where on earth are you bringing me to?”

“Back to Shendu, in the Central Plains” Qiu Qingzhi says. It's a half-truth. The demon and the secrets it carried are the ticket to clearing his name, “someone started a ridiculous war for you, and lied to everyone. I'm taking you back, as the most important piece of evidence.”

“I can't believe there's a day that I'm evidence,” the demon says, half-incredulous, “how interesting.”

The fight in his eyes has not dimmed, however, and the demon’s eyes almost seem to glow as he challenges, “but are you capable of it?”

“I have a powerful friend.”

This time, he is less sure. He does not know how Li Bing would take the news, if he would believe their country's officials capable of such crimes against their own.

“You're annoying. Your friend can't be any better than you.”

Qiu Qingzhi nearly stabs the demon again. Instead he settles for ripping the arrow out of his chest, relishing in the sharp yowl of pain. Insults slung at him, he could take. But Li Bing was off-limits.

“Insult him again and I'll pluck out all your teeth,” he snarls, watching as the demon flinches and finally shuts up.

—

It must be a nightmare, surely.

He had only returned for barely a week, barely settled into his new position as General Qiu before a signal flare lit up the sky above the Li residence, setting the otherwise dark night ablaze– a new invention, they had told him– a call for help.

(How could something that looked so pretty be a signal for danger?)

Qiu Qingzhi’s heart pounds in fear, blood rushing to his ears as he acts on autopilot, barking out orders to set off for the Court of Judicial Review immediately.

He needs to know that Li Bing is okay. Li Bing has to be okay. He has to be.

Qiu Qingzhi has no reason left to live, if Li Bing is not around anymore. He would gladly set fire to this country, raze it to the ground, or better yet– he would set Yi Zhi Hua free and watch as the demon wrecks havoc on Yong’an Pavilion.

(Except– he knows that he would not. Not really, not when this was the city that Mr. Li and Li Bing loved so much).

The estate is too quiet.

His hand trembles as he pushes the gates open– to see a scene out of his nightmares, the entire Li estate guards and servants alike slaughtered in the courtyard, blood soaking into the ground beneath their bodies, and Li Bing– glaring at him with equal parts despair and contempt.

Li Bing, who is still alive but near unrecognisable in his grief. Whose hair had turned as white as the snow that dusted his shoulders, his eyes swollen from crying, his father's blood staining his robes.

It is a sight that Qiu Qingzhi cannot bear to watch any longer, and he turns away.

(Coward, a voice that sounds too much like the damned monster mocks him, weakling).

He drinks himself into oblivion in the relative safety of his new quarters, burning with the need to hunt down those who had put such an expression on Li Bing’s face, to annihilate those who dared to touch his childhood home.

#yi zhihua enjoyers he does not get treated well in this one I apologise #pre-canon #may have taken some liberties with what went on #white cat legend #qiubing #rose writes #i swear im normal about them

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otherworldlygate · 1 day

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Once again it's Regal appreciation hour by which I mean day by which I mean year by which I mean lifetime.

I was very much prepared to not write any fanfiction this year, but I cannot divorce myself from how awesome my favorite Symphonia blorbos are and so I am writing yet another stupid fanfic. I feel feral about these characters in general but Raine gets quite a lot of attention (because she's wonderful, obviously) so I don't want to focus on her too much. Regal, on the other hand, has been underappreciated in the ToS fandom since the game's release day, so I must advocate for him.

I've been RPing as him for the last year or so, and together my RP partner and I have written about 320,000 words of a story. I'm having a blast, and a big part of that is because Regal is, despite the flaws in the storytelling of ToS as a whole surrounding him (and how all of the Tethe'alla characters kind of fall flat), a rather well-conceived and implemented character. Yeah, his clothes are dumb (I'm happy to retcon that outfit with zero regrets) and the game blows through his story at such a breakneck pace he doesn't get the space or the arc he deserves (he should have taken his shackles off as part of his 'sacrifice' to fight the angels), but he is a genuinely fascinating character who feels, just like many of the others do, as if he belongs very specifically in the world he was created for.

I know a lot of people like to write him as this sad sack of shit just absolutely lost in the grief sauce (see the part about how he didn't get the arc he deserved), but I think that's a mistake. See, the biggest bump in the road for Regal was his lack of understanding of what was happening and why. When you think about it, he was faced with having to kill Alicia seemingly out of nowhere. Like one day he's just minding his business and the next Alicia is gone and very quickly after that she's a monster trying to kill him AND HE HAS NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON. He has no answers. All he knows is that he killed her, and his autistic* brain latches onto that detail because it's all he has.

You have to think, too, about the fact that the game gives him nobody. His parents are dead. George, the only person even remotely close to Regal--someone he's known his *whole life*--betrayed him. (George didn't mean for things to go Like That and he's sorry he did it, but HE STILL DID IT.) Regal doesn't have friends and the extra material makes it clear that he was literally raised, specifically by his father, to be a workaholic. Do you think anyone came to see him in prison? He fought in a coliseum for his life for YEARS. He was on friendly terms with some of the other inmates but the guy had eight years to just sit there and get stuck in the loop of knowing he killed the one person he'd let himself get even remotely close to.

Which is something else people always downplay for some reason. The shit with Alicia isn't just "guy is sad because he killed his girlfriend." It's very much, "guy was born and bred to take on the family legacy" except in this case the family legacy is a company, an island, a noble bloodline, and also the absolutely insane idea that work and profit is all that matters. Everyone else is out to get you. Keep the workers dissatisfied but keep them hooked just enough that they'll never leave. Take no time for fun or friends or merriment. Everything in your life is a business transaction. Don't ever forget it. It's us vs. them. You're alone and you have to make this your entire life or it'll all fall to pieces and it will be your fault.

The drama cd in particular really honed in on that way of being raised and it makes his entire character make complete sense. At a relatively young age his father died and he ended up on top (though it's stated he had to work as a CEO before he was elected via a board to the position of President). Having no other guidelines other than what he was taught--and what George himself adhered to--Regal followed that path...until he ended up miserable, because, despite the way he was raised, he's a goddamn empath**.

After literal YEARS of occasionally running into Alicia and talking to her, he starts forming a connection to her--which is important because he's never allowed himself to do this before. And at one point he realizes he doesn't even know her name...which comes as a surprise to him...and brings with it shame. After this, he starts living for himself. He listens to his employees--something his father never did. He starts enacting rules to protect his employees, particularly from things that would hurt them in the field, because part of what was making him so miserable was wrestling with the empathy of their terrible working conditions on top of just hearing his father's manta repeating itself in his head all the time.

I cannot stress enough how important this is. Alicia, despite being a love interest and someone he was interested in seriously dating and perhaps someday marrying (the details of their relationship are never known but it's almost more tragic if they were just starting to be serious), WAS STILL HIS EMPLOYEE.

He was supposed to protect his employees. He was doing so much to ensure his employees would be safe. And then he killed Alicia.

Alicia, the one person he allowed himself to get close to.

Now, consider the fact that he was raised as a tool and not a beloved son; he was not allowed to have friends and not allowed to make merry. He was under his father's thumb until his father's untimely death--a death, by the way, that only surprised him with its suddenness; he did not grieve that man!! Regal, as a 25-year-old man, had ZERO coping mechanisms. All he had was the truth he was raised under and the fact that he went against that truth AND WAS NOW BEING PUNISHED FOR IT. How can someone like this think of anything except that they are the reason George was put in a position where he had to get rid of Alicia? That the only reason Alicia was experimented on and turned into a monster was because of her connection to Regal?

IT MAKES ME FEEL SO FERAL!!!

The events of the game open his eyes to the ACTUAL truth, to what actually happened AND WHY IT HAPPENED TO ALICIA. In the end he learns he had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. If he had not befriended and started falling for Alicia, she still would have died--it's just, if she hadn't had a more direct connection to Regal, who knows where she might have met her end. Alone, forgotten? At least someone knew her as she was; at least someone can tell Presea the kind of person her sister was.

The ToS fandom has always loved joking about how Regal's just into punishment as a kink or whatever (and I'll never forgive the shitty non-canon-in-my-heart sequel for leaning so hard into that angle, fuck you fuck you fuck you) but let's be serious about it for a hot second. Yes, I think learning this information puts him on a better path, but you can't erase 8 years of self-loathing and fear instantly. Did you guys really think this man would just forget about the darkest years of his life and start frolicking in fields of flowers?

The trauma he's endured goes so much deeper than "I killed the person I loved," and boiling it down to that really does the character a disservice. The "born for a specific purpose, not allowed to exist outside of that purpose" bit is also given to Colette and Zelos, but while their role is being a sacrifice whose only use is dying or procreating to continue the line to have more sacrifices (absolutely also traumatizing btw), Regal's situation feels a lot more like indoctrinated religion and, very specifically (and no I am not kidding), religious trauma. Again, he endured that very controlled lifestyle complete with a mantra from birth into his early 20s, and the MOMENT he broke away from it too far, his life came crashing down around him in a very painful and traumatizing way.

Now, you might think the religious trauma parallel is unfounded, if not also the indoctrinated religion aspect of it, it could just as easily be a parallel for an abusive and controlling relationship, right down to the betrayal from someone who is supposed to have your best interests at heart the moment you step outside of that control to the feelings of shame and self-loathing and "you did this to yourself."

So whenever I see people joking about what a sad sack of shit he is or whatever, I'm just astounded, especially if it's coming from someone who loves literally any other character in the game. Like, you'll definitely have your blorbos, and I totally understand if Regal just ain't it for you, but I find it really disconcerting that someone might find (for example) Yuan's trauma deeply meaningful but see Regal's as stupid or silly.

I'm pretty sure I started this post to talk about how easy it is for me to RP as Regal because he's just such a great character to sink into and write about, particularly because I like to imagine that, starting in the post-game, he deeply regrets some of the choices he's made in his life, and, rather than lean into the things that have already transpired, he seeks to do what he can to better the world around him with the resources and power that he has.

It's like the ultimate fuck-you to the way his father raised him. He's not wasting the skills he's developed, but he's also not using them to hurt people or for personal or Lezareno profit.

I think most of us love writing about characters who have to work through their trauma, but there's an extra layer here that I particularly enjoy with Regal. With Raine I'm all about her inability to trust easily and her struggle to feel truly comfortable around other people, but with Regal I think it's maybe specifically related to the fact that he has had a lot handed to him that he didn't necessarily want, and his self-sacrificing nature lends itself to him feeling obligated to take it. I fully believe Regal would be happier and better off stepping away from Lezareno and from his family's toxic ass legacy*** (or at least not working it full-time as the acting President) but I can't ignore the fact that...these things are all he has and all he knows. So writing about him attempting to get back into the swing of things, maybe struggling to find time for himself, falling into workaholic patterns by mistake, learning to set boundaries between his private life and his job...all while not being fully satisfied and finding more fulfillment in charity work and other pursuits, just makes him feel like a very well-rounded character. Like...it's believable that he would continue to work a job he didn't particularly love specifically because not only does he not know anything else, but he knows with this position of power he can make a lot of things happen that would be impossible if he just twiddled his thumbs on the sidelines--like financial assistance going to Palmacosta, or his duties as a nobleman to try to get better laws passed in Tethe'alla, etc.

This was a pretty clumsily-written post and for that I am truly sorry. I've just been absolutely insane lately thinking about Regal and I had to get some of why I think he's such a wonderful character out into the world.

*this is just my headcanon but a lot about Regal screams autism to me.

**this is canon as far as I'm concerned. I wrote him this way far before I ever heard the drama cd, and the drama cd just solidified it for me tenfold.

***there's a scene in the hotel with Lloyd I think where Regal says his family's legacy on Altamira started when Tethe'alla flipped over to being a flourishing world last, which means they were in a position of power great enough to build an empire on Altamira already at that time (800+ years ago). I don't want to get into how awful this probably was or how evil the family was because I think you can all imagine that for yourselves. Also, nobody ever mentions the fact that Regal is the last of his family line, but it's a very convenient built-in control tactic to guilt someone into doing as they're told or risk bringing shame to a family that's been going strong and unbroken for over 1,000 years.

#regal bryant #tales of symphonia meta #tales of symphonia

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bensonstablers · 12 days

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I was tagged by @sothischickshe (thank you!!! 🥰) to answer 20 questions for writers:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

205.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

609,094

3. What fandoms do you write for?

fandoms i've written for include:

Law & Order: SVU / L&O: Organized Crime

Good Girls

Gotham

Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Angel

Criminal Minds

Graceland

Stranger Things

The Walking Dead

Riverdale

Castlevania

Preacher

Four Brothers

Outer Banks

Gilmore Girls

while no longer available, in the past i've also written for:

Fast and Furious franchise

MCU / Marvel

Boondock Saints

Hocus Pocus

From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series

(plus more i'm probably forgetting about)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Shared History (Good Girls/Brio)

Degree of Separation (Good Girls/Brio)

Milkshakes (Good Girls/Brio)

Deep Sense of Belonging (Good Girls/Brio)

Sacred Art of Kissing (Good Girls/Brio)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i read all of them for sure but i'm terrible sometimes at responding although i do try my best

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ooft, okay. there's probably more than this but the following have major character death warnings that could very well be classed as angsty lmao:

i wrote this little ficlet: Gone (SVU, bensler/EO) in which a raid goes wrong and it's just pain from start to finish and then there's Until Long After She Takes Her Final Breath which is a Good Girls/brio fic in which their reunion at the beginning of season 3 goes very differently.

Why don't we go to Venus? is another Good Girls/brio fic in which the summary is: Rio killed her and that was supposed to be the end of it but Beth doesn’t seem to be done with him quite yet.

that one is probably my angstiest overall but the ending is probably the least angsty bit about it??? haha

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

honestly? i have no idea and i have no clue how to check 😭😂

8. Do you get hate on fics?

there was someone going around the SVU/OC fandom leaving weird hate comments on people's stuff (anonymously) and i got one but while it felt rude, it didn't feel like hate, but also it felt like it was supposed to be hateful, y'know? pretty sure i just deleted it though (i for sure ignored it) 😂

but generally, no. i'm lucky to say that i tend to avoid hate on social media and that includes fanfiction.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have done and the variety isn't huge but it's there? i guess?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i have done! beyond the obvious (where shows, etc share worlds), i did a boondock saints/the walking dead one (which was also co-written) because norman reedus stars in both 😂

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

again, not that i'm aware of

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes! the aforemention boondock saints/the walking dead fic was co-written on ff.net and i co-wrote (with the same person), a fast and furious fic.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

i lost myself a ton in writing olivia/elliot from svu/organized crime as well as beth/rio from good girls so they'd probably battle it out for top spot.

BUT

if i'm being brutally honest, my all time favourite ever to write were fast and furious ships 😂 especially the OGs (specifically vince and leon) with my OCs (although there were canon ships i loved to write too!). it was just so fun and freeing and i constantly think about it.

(i also loved when i wrote random marvel/mcu pairings, winterwitch was probably my number one for them and again, i think about it a lot)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i think it's unlikely i'll finish a lot but especially a degree of separation. i kind of hate it, i'm so sorry 😭😭😭

16. What are your writing strengths?

the thought of analysing my own writing right now sounds painful but two of the most common nice things people tell me is that: 1) they like how i write dialogue and 2) they like my writing style in general

(but of which i highly appreciate!)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i don't do it enough?

nah. true but seriously, there's a ton, however, i do tend to waffle on and write something in several sentences that could have been just one 😭

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't think i've ever done it? if i have it'll be dialogue or whatever that's already in the show/move/etc

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Fast and the Furious 🥰

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

still on ao3: it has to be Why don't we go to Venus? but also Knock First which is a Beth/Rio/Original Male Character threesome fic that was SO MUCH fun

no longer posted: a fic for The Fast and the Furious. it was a Vince/OC story. it was so much fun to write and it was one of my most popular back when i was posting on ff.net and i miss this story all the time (even though it's probably awful 😂) and always think about re-writing and posting it again on ao3

Tagging: @conscience-killer @constant-sinner @astarkey @xstrawmari @blainesebastian if ya like! (sorry if you've been tagged before!)

#long post #tag games #i forgot how long i take to answer these things #(totally my fault! thanks for tagging! seriously!)#but now i'm going to leave this site and play some baldur's gate 3 😂

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autistichalsin · 6 months

Text

I'm probably making a mistake by being vulnerable here, but...

This has been a really hard year for me.

In the last year my grandpa died, a relative committed suicide, I lost a friend to cancer, I've been struggling in grad school, I've had money issues so bad I was counting pennies to buy food for a while, my mom has been getting worse about using me for emotional labor and taking her chronic pain out on me when she gets upset, my anxiety has been bad again, my mom might have blood cancer but she can't even afford to get the blood test that tells her if she has it and they won't run the test until she can produce cash, I've had to listen to my older brother go deeper down the alt-right pipeline while my younger brother and i are queer, I was made to visit my sister (my abuser) in spring which was extremely triggering and I'm still kind of activated from it, I'm having to plan a cross country move and I'm so stressed I haven't even started packing yet even though I have to be there by January, and just…

I really wanted this fandom to be different. I wanted it to be a fun and positive thing that would let me forget all of that. This game came to me at a really hard point in my life.

And this drama took that from me. Probably not permanently. I know most of my mutuals are still here, still happy and excited to talk about Halsin, but quite a few took the other side of the debacle and that really hurts. And some of the things said to me and my friends were deeply triggering for my trauma. Hearing rape wished on someone I like when I know all too well the pain of sexual abuse was deeply painful in ways I don't want to describe in public. I know I'll get mocked for using the terms, I don't care- it was triggering, it was re-traumatizing.

So I'm holding onto these feelings I have, trying to decide what to do with it. The answer i think most will say is to come back and post anyway in spite of "the haters", and that's what I think I want to do, but now there's this fear every time I post that someone, somewhere, is looking to pick apart everything I say looking for a way to... hurt me, or make me out to be problematic, or anything else. And it's hard to do that? Like being watched is one thing, being watched by someone who is actively looking for a way to bully you is even harder.

A big part of why I latched onto Halsin so hard is that more than any character in this game, Halsin shows that it's okay to still be hurt years later, to be strong and okay on the surface but cracking deep down, and as more and more is placed on you, the cracks spread. And I resonated with that so hard. I don't want to lose that sense of comfort and belonging because of some randos. But I also don't want to risk having more triggers flung at me in a place I'm trying to use to navigate my trauma. I feel very stuck here, and that's part of why I'm "in hiding", so to speak, as i try to sort this out.

So... that's me being transparent and open and vulnerable, which I am absolutely sure I'll end up regretting immediately, but I also really needed to get this out because I have been letting a lot of stuff build without really talking out how much I've been stressed and hurting, and... this was kind of the straw, really.

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psychologeek · 2 months

Text

Conversation

(bc it gets too long to be in the comment section, and I'm moving it.)

@erictyberiusduckman

quit acting like we havent seen the videos of Israeli citizens halting aid trucks alongside your own government not allowing aid. When Motaz left Falastine, all he could see when he drove past were aid trucks - AND I SAW THEM TOO. All I see on your blog is you linking random civillians getting murdered by YOUR COUNTRY to Hamas. hamas is not the one dropping bombs on innocent falastinis. May i remind you YES. YOUR COUNTRY IS THE BOMBER. HAS BEEN SINCE 1948.

psychologeek

I don't say that blocking trucks is the right thing to do.

If "my government don't allow aid", then can you please explain to me how trucks entering via Kerem Shalom? Or do you somehow suggest there are multiple ships stopping at the port, moving aid to trucks, the trucks driving several hours, reach the border - without a single person in the government knowing about it?

No justify-but they're hostage families protesting for aid to hosages

Literally 80% of my blog is writing/fandoms. Another 10-15% are about antisemism.

What are you talking about?

I mean, Hamas kinda dies bomb civilians? And hospitals? And everything at reach?

So, just to get it clear - Israel bomb Gaza since 1948? Is that what you're saying?

erictyberiusduckman

@psychologeek THE DALET PLAN WAS SCRIPTED BY BRITAIN IN 1937...YES YOUR COUNTRY WITH THE AID OF BRITIAN BEGAN THE BOMBINGS WITH THE FIRST NAKBA IN 1948.

psychologeek

@erictyberiusduckman

I'm tired.

You keep making up misinformation, and ignore what I say.

Are you a bot? Bc right now, that's what you look like.

What country are you from?

(You keep claiming Israeli military bombed Gaza since 1948? Feel free to look up at the, you know, history.)

erictyberiusduckman

@psychologeek Youre the one saying to look it up but When You google things like "the 1st Nakba" "The Stern Gang" "The Irgun" it all makes sense. The Dalet Plan is PUBLIC COMMON NEWS…Of course a brainwashed Israeli-Nationalist would never believe their Government COULD EVER do anything wrong , let ALONE ALLOW anyone to EVER CRITICIZE THEIR GOVERNMENT…..Notice how way earlier I said I LOVE Peace-Wanting Israelis who can see through their Governments BS. @psychologeek Everything YOUVE brought up Israel having to "fight" was a COUNTER RESURGANCE from Falastine DUE TO THE YEARS OF INVASION beginning with the OTTOMANS, then the BRITS, then ZIONISTS…Not to mention there were Already Jewish People living there in Falastine before your 2 percent Ass had a grandparent move into the home of a Falastinian family after their olive trees were burnt to the ground. And none of them allowed to take their belongings with them.

@psychologeek how can it be Misinformation when it is EASILY GOOGLE-ABLE. AGAIN. what kind of censorship are you dealing with, my dear little Nationalist?

@psychologeek You realize because you are BORN and RAISED in Israel you have ingested YEARS worth of propoganda. You Really think your government wouldn't LIE to you?? You really think your schools wouldnt lie and make it seem like State of Israel is the victim or something? That there are No jews In Falastine??

Your state is backed by AMERICA. You know. "we didnt test radiation on poor people!" America. "we never gave Syphilis to Poor Black Communities" America

@psychologeek American backed State totally would never take Inspiration from American Propoganda or American Imperialism. Nope. Totally wouldnt take money from a Genocidal Global Superpower. No way. Do you see how it works yet. My poor little Nationalist.

@erictyberiusduckman Ohh you mean Etzel??

You say "I love peace-wanting Israelis" Yet, it sounds more like "I love Israelis who doesn't want Israel to exist"

@erictyberiusduckman

I don't agree with everything my government/s does or did.

What do you call "Falastine"? What part of land?

You keep using blood quantum, and "one drop" like you just came from the 18th century. Can you stop being racist for a second?

Keep calling it Propaganda, yet you constantly quoting right from The Protocols.

"Oh you all live in stolen houses warming your houses with burnt olive and drinking kids' blood".

But sure, I'm brainwashed.

@erictyberiusduckman I mean. Just bc something is Google-able doesn't make it true.There are things like misinformation and disinformation. ~I get it that you hate America with all your heart. But the world isn't black/white.I won't go deep into American Politics, bc idk much about it, but just bc something is supported by A, doesn't automatically make it evil.(Or, do you think everything USA does/fund/support around the world is evil?)

erictyberiusduckman

@psychologeek maybe If I phrase it this way it will make sense. There is a call for a ceasfire. Innocents are dying. American Government says NO.Full stop. Why? Because theres oil off the coast of Present day Israel. They want your Natural Resources.And they want it easy and they want it fast.

@psychologeek the things your countries Govt has done to the indigenous people of the Levant and Surrounding areas is Nothing Short of Western-Style Imperialism. The tactics they are using against falastinis are Based off the Nazis, who based THEIR tactics off of Andrew Jackson in America and HIS treatment of Indigenous Americans. We can also bring Britian into the Equation as well- And we all know about British Colonization. INCLUDING the areas of the Levant as a whole.

@psychologeek this is why Britain helped the STATE of Israel form and USED brainwashed Ashkenazim and Shepardim victims as physical expendable tools to Obtain a Land and Hold more control OVERALL than the people they borderline-displaced to the area.

@psychologeek I of course mean Ashkenazim and Shepardim from Spain/Portugal and Eastern Europe.Holocaust survivors had to dig through the trash to survive while a mix of Zionists from a mix of America,Pakistan,Ethiopia,etc, and other countries FLEW in to take full advantage of Resources.

Current Response:

I am?? Not?? American?? Wtf you blame me for things *your* government is doing?? I mean. afaik, this is the reason for something called "elections" and "democracy" and "politics". (But I guess talking shit about other governments is way easier than, you know, actually doing something to change things you can.)

"There is a call for a ceasefire" - I mean, those who say it claim they want ceasefire. However, I haven't heard anyone talking about things like the safe return of the hostages, stop Hamas from bombing and attacking civilians in Israel, or anything but "Israel should stop fighting" (no matter what)". Which.... isn't really a call for ceasefire. Especially as Hamas leaders keep saying "we'll do it again."

"There's oil on the coast of Israel" - Gas. You mean gas. In the mid-north. And again - I don't go into other countries politics.

"the things your countries Govt has done to the indigenous people of the Levant" - which are? As you refuse to admit jews are indigenous to the area.

"Nothing Short of Western-Style Imperialism." - good job in spreading propaganda!. You elegantly ignore everything about non-western imperialism, denying and erasing Jewish history, and keep your propaganda. Well done.

"Zionists/Israelis are the new Nazis" - obviously you have no idea what is Nazism. Which is to be expected. After all, in the 30s Hitler was chosen as the Times' "Person of the Year", not to mention the Madison Square and the Bund.

"Britain helped state Israel" - lol. Yeah right, like they didn't limit entry and immigration (from Jews only).

Hello racism my old friend

"a mix of Zionists from a mix of America,Pakistan,Ethiopia,etc, and other countries FLEW in to take full advantage of Resources." - how dare those (dirty ppl) come? They are here to suck our blood I mean, use all the resources!" (Psst... Do you know where most of the refugees who fled to Israel came from? Hint: not America)

Also you ignored basically everything that I write.

#this is getting ridiculous #Are you just throwing words hoping something would stick?#“I'm not racist I just use those terms”#“I'm not antisemic I just think that jews-I mean #Zionists #control the world #I'm very good in history i just said Israel bomb Gaza since 1948 #I'm not antisemic I just deny the Jewish connection to Eretz Israel #leftist supremicy #I'm not racict I just ignore 60% of the Jewish population are Mizrahim #antisemitism #racism #supremicy #also #not misogynistic #i just gonna call you things like “my dear X”

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