#bisexual pining | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

m3r1m4r5u333 · 7 days

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Okay I've settled on my head canon which is that Eddie is bi (or some version of "likes women and men"), too... I need to ramble about it because this popular idea that Eddie is gay just bothers me tbh it just feels ignorant, bi erasurery. And sure, maybe I'll be proven wrong, but in the mean time...

I think the reason why Eddie just can't be happy with the women he's pushing himself to date is because he's only really ever been drawn, and loved, two people: Shannon and Buck.

And these women he's since dated... are neither of those people. So the other relationships are just... fake, unhappy. Not because of sexual incompatibility, but because they're loveless, on Eddie's part.

The romance with Shannon started as a teen-age romance. They were childhood friends and lovers, but they were too young and immature to really handle the stress of parenthood, and despite that, pushed into a marriage.

It was too much for this young, immature, love to survive. Them freaking out and not being a team.... That just started to hack away at their mutual trust, and that eventually killed the romance, and the marriage. This immature love just could not handle all this pressure, and co-exist with that dying trust.

And then, Eddie meets Buck when his and Shannon's marriage is on a break. She's runs, is away for a long time, Eddie is raising Chris alone... And Buck steps in.

And Buck is insanely helpful, a major stress relief -letting Bobby know that Eddie is struggling to find a caretaker for Chris. Researching for ways to help Eddie... He finds Carla to help them. Buck takes one look at Christopher and melts, wants to spend time with them... Eddie thinks "Woah. This guy is amazing. This is someone I can count on, who has my back."

So Eddie just moved on from Shannon. He did love her once... but then they killed their love and marriage, together. Mutual destruction.

Eddie didn't trust her anymore, she didn't trust him after he'd enlisted in a panic to run from the parenthood, from Christopher's diagnosis... they were fighting all the time... and then she just left him alone with Chris.

And I refuse to demonize her for leaving btw, she was young, under a lot of stress, and Eddie was running from his parenthood. Eddie needed that push, to take responsibility, and connect with Chris!!

But still.. She left, Eddie was hurt and alone, and really doesn't trust her anymore, and then he meets Buck.

So Eddie moves on. His and Shannon's romantic love just... dies. And when she finally tries to re-connect. Yes, he still finds her desirable, and the human bond is still an important one. But where's the love?

They've known each other since they were children, they're friends, Shannon is Christopher's mother. But Eddie no longer really loves her like he once did. He tries. He forgives her, for everything, and really tries to mend their marriage, even proposes again after finding out she may be pregnant...

But it's just too late for both of them, they don't really work as a couple, and she realises she is tired of this battle, she is done.

Shannon leaving.... this made Eddie move on from her, even though he tried to deny it, even to himself. By leaving, Shannon gave the final killing blow to their already fractured mutual trust. Then she was gone for a long time, and when she finally came back, Eddie had already moved on, connected with someone else. She even says this - I was away for too long.

She realises that their marriage dead. She is shocked when Eddie keeps pushing her away from Chris, realises their mutual lack of trust. And she finally admits to herself that she doesn't really want to get back together with Eddie.

Eddie is dragging his feet, not really accepting her back, keeps looking for a "sign" that would say they should have another serious go as partners. Only proposes after there's another pregnancy scare.

Shannon thinks, this marriage is too broken, I want out. We both deserve something better than this. So it is a story of falling in love, and falling out of love.

And then she dies, and Eddie grieves, deeply. He did love Shannon, even though their marriage was a failure. He'd loved her in so many ways. She was his friend, she was his wife, she was Christopher's mother.

However, I do feel like the reason why he struggles to date after Shannon's death is a combination of grief - being afraid to try again with anyone... and it's denial of his feelings for Buck, and also fear that what if... This happens again, what if he loves and they leave. I think the key problem here really is Buck.

Eddie has already fallen for someone, and tries to deny it, ignore it. He thinks this is a road that would take him nowhere, so why try. He thinks Buck is straight!

So he starts pushing Buck away because this odd family unit they have...? Where is it going really, he thinks, Buck doesn't want him.

This line, said to Buck:

"Somehow we became a ready-made family and I... I don't know if I'm ready for that."

It's grief for Shannon, and it's unrequited love for Buck, and it's about being unable to love Ana because of those both massive things stopping Eddie from being able to connect with her.

Remember.... that Buck starts the thing with Taylor before Eddie starts dating Ana?

Eddie, looking like a zombie, hosting Buck and Taylor, telling Buck that he needs to move on, Eddie has. (Yeah it's a lie.)

And remember all these talks about Eddie needing to move on, before he goes on dates?

This is Eddie, trying to move on, and find his third family unit.

The scene with Eddie and Buck when they've just met, Buck bragging that "some of us don't need good lighting to look good..."

And then Eddie at the fire station, looking at Buck, forgetting to introduce Ana to everyone, realising his mistake and saying to Ana;

"Oh, you've never been here!"...

Because she wasn't, Buck's presence just erases her from Eddie's mind, it's like she isn't even in the same room.

It's true, Eddie realises. Buck really doesn't need good lighting to look good, not to Eddie.

"Even in the dark, this place is amazing."

It's terrible, but disturbingly true for Eddie. This feeling, of existing in the darkness, alone, and watching someone who just doesn't need good lighting to look amazing. They just glow anyway, overwhelmingly, they just erase everyone else from your mind.

I feel like this symbolizes deep, unrequited love really well. Even in the dark this place is amazing.

So Eddie keeps struggling. He won't let Buck close because that's killing him, but he also can't let go of him. He's just ...always dying.

And then Buck comes out to him? It's a shock. It's a brief moment of dumb, wide-eyed hope.

But then Eddie immediately realizes... This changes nothing. Buck is dating someone else. Buck is falling for someone else. Buck is still... Just a friend.

Nothing has changed for Buck, and therefore not for Eddie either. Eddie is still alone in this. And keeps dying.

So... The point I'm trying to make here.

I feel like this struggle we're seeing, it's not about Eddie being gay. He fell for Shannon, they agreed the sex was never the problem.

Even this new relationship with Marisol. He does feel sexual desire for her... Their sex life is great... Until he learns that she was almost a nun? Imagine being in the closet, bi, and realising your girlfriend was almost a nun?

It's truly "eyes on the ground". Would she still want her, if she really knew who, or what, Eddie is? Would she be disgusted if she learned about all of Eddie's fantasies?

How can Eddie trust her?

So... That's what making him run from Marisol. I do think he's making a genuine effort to move on from his old flames - Shannon and Buck.

I mean... Remember Eddie's talk with his tia? Learning that she had been married before, and refusing to even try dating someone else, until her friends dragged her out?

And ultimately this made her move on, meeting someone else. And soon she didn't regret trying again.

So Eddie is trying to move on from Shannon, and Buck.

But can he? Is he?

One thing about Buck's coming out, and the following scene, the talk with Eddie...

Noticed the buddie subtext, and the bisexual subtext of the lines when he talks about Marisol there? About needing to go home.

The "menu" is not the issue. The issue is that he doesn't want to go home, to Marisol. (Lol, there's btw that bicycle again, hanging on the wall behind Eddie's back. Bi subtext!!)

Eddie does desire her. ... He just doesn't love her. And that keeps happening... Because his heart is already taken.

#eddie diaz #Marisol Doe #911 buddie #evan buckley #buddie #buddie 911 #911 on abc #evan buck buckley #911 abc #tv: 911 #eddie díaz #bisexual erasure #911 speculation #bi eddie #eddie's pining era #shannon diaz #ana flores #i make no gifs brain is potato

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beanghostprincess · 2 months

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Sanji might be a lightweight and a painfully honest drunk, but Usopp is so careless when he drinks. Not a worry in the world. Zero anxiety. He's even more dramatic than usual and dances like everybody is watching but doesn't give a fuck. And while Sanji sits in a corner, being overly emotional, he watches Usopp acting like the idiot he is. He catches a glimpse of his carefree smile and the way his cheeks are a bit red from drinking. He notices Usopp doesn't know what to do with his hands either. The way he takes Nami to dance or starts bothering Zoro without even thinking about the consequences. He doesn't look at Sanji, but the cook can't fight the dumb smile on his face when he stares at Usopp from across the deck. He hopes nobody asks, because he knows he will tell the truth if they do.

So Sanji thinks Usopp isn't watching him, but he does. He takes little glances at Sanji without him noticing. He likes the red on his whole body and the way he laughs at everything Robin says, even if it's not funny at all and just probably dark. He likes the way he holds his glass of wine, with both hands, as if somebody might take it away from him. He looks silly. Without realizing he isn't covering his laughter the way he always does and talking a bit too loud. Usopp likes this Sanji because he's honest, with himself, he means. And it's not like Usopp is going to approach him just like that, he still has some common sense even when drunk, but he lets his usual stare last longer than usual. He lets himself get lost in Sanji's eye. And somehow, on these nights, it is even brighter than usual.

At the end of the night, everybody goes to sleep, but Usopp doesn't like it. He isn't fond of his headache the second his body hits the bed and needs to sober up a little before actually trying to sleep. He isn't Zoro. Besides, Sanji is still there, curled up on the floor, in a corner of the ship, sipping on an empty wine bottle and hoping for more alcohol to come out. He looks tired and a bit nostalgic. When nobody's looking (or so he thinks) he seems... Sad. And perhaps that's what being honest with himself also means.

Usopp's shame, at this point of the night, has disappeared completely. And he still has some cocktails and beers on his body to not care about what he's doing. Especially since they're... All alone. On deck. Under the stars. He's starting to feel a bit dizzy, even if Sanji is only paying attention to the waves cradling the ship and nothing else.

With a nonchalant, quick move, before Sanji can even notice he's there, Usopp sits right next to him and rests his arm over the blond's shoulders. It doesn't perturb him in the slightest, Sanji just leans closer to him absentmindedly and Usopp feels that saying: "Hey, man." Trying to sound flirtatious has failed because his voice falters the second Sanji's head brushes his cheek. Maybe he was going for the shoulder.

But Sanji doesn't seem to notice or care about it, and Usopp's self-confidence comes back because the dizziness is enough to make him forget within seconds. Besides, Sanji seems too out of it to notice Usopp can't speak properly. His words are not connecting to his brain. Or mouth. Or maybe his brain doesn't control his throat. Whatever- He- he can't think. It's okay. Sanji is cute.

He doesn't expect the cook to have such a shitty balance, but he ends up falling on Usopp's lap, resting his head on his legs instead of his shoulders. Usopp's heart skips a beat, and it takes his breath away for a few seconds. It seems like an eternity. He's not choking, but damn, he does feel like it for a while. He probably will if he keeps staring at Sanji (drunk and red and bright and dizzy and pouting in the most adorable of ways) right on top of his legs.

The blond doesn't pay much attention to him, and Usopp guesses he might've forgotten he's the one there. But then, Sanji speaks, holding the bottle tighter to his chest and trying to squint his eyes at the hole. Perhaps that way he might be able to see the bottom of it. "Somebody- Someone- Uh- No wine."

Usopp frowns, but chuckles at the way Sanji slurs his voice. "What're you talkin' 'bout?"

And suddenly, Sanji feels like he's about to start crying. "Somebody drank my wine..."

He pouts, about to place the bottle on top of his eye. Usopp takes it away from him before he can do something stupid. "You-" He can't hold back his laughter when Sanji tries to reach out for the bottle and manages to place it to his side where Sanji can't see. He will forget about it in seconds. "You drank it."

Sanji frowns as if thinking about it, a bit offended by the statement. "I did not I- I didn't... I didn't drunk."

"Drink."

"Huh?" He makes the funniest of faces. Usopp notices his tie is messy and his aquamarine shirt is unbuttoned to the point of his collarbone being a bit visible if Usopp tries to look at it. He wants to bury his head there.

He shakes the thought away to respond. "You mean drink, you didn't-" But Sanji isn't even processing his words, because he keeps getting lost at something on top of Usopp's head. Idiot. Idiot. My idiot. He wishes. "Actually, you did drink. So. Uh- Doesn't matter."

Sanji hums under his breath and finds one loose strand of Usopp's hair that rests on his shoulder and falls on his chest. Sanji takes it in his hand and starts playing with it. He almost looks like a cat, although Usopp has always said he's more of a dog person. Maybe. In reality, Sanji isn't either of them. The guy likes rats. Fucking- Fucking rats. It's something precious to Usopp, because Sanji has only told him. Or so he said.

The sniper stares down at Sanji, who keeps getting lost between the strand of hair and the buckle of Usopp's new overalls. Tapping on the metal every now and then. It seems fun for him, so Usopp doesn't say anything. The weight of Sanji's body over him grounds him more, he figures, because he's still dizzy but he certainly can think better than Sanji. His mind might not be connecting the words correctly but... But he can think. Kind of. Better than he usually does when Sanji is around, at least.

His eyes travel to Sanji's bangs, covering his right- Left? Usopp's left. Sanji's right. He thinks. Yeah. Because the eye he can see is deep blue, and that's Sanji's left. The other one is clearer, with green undertones. He knows this because he remembers thinking it looked like seaweed once. Sanji almost hit him when he said so, but it was a compliment. Idiot.

It's a shame it's covered, he thinks, and before he can process his actions, his hand moves on his own to move the bangs out of the way. Usopp rests his hand on top of Sanji's head, staring intensely at his eyebrows. The sniper doesn't smile like he usually does, because he finds them extremely cute. This time, Sanji just looks... "You look handsome like this." Oh. Saying out loud stuff he doesn't intend to now, huh?

Sanji doesn't blush and runs away the way he would've probably done sober. Instead, he starts laughing like a lunatic, as if Usopp had told the funniest joke of the night. But it's not- He's not laughing at Usopp or even at himself. It's a smile of pure joy. It barely is a laugh, though. He's giggling. Usopp just hears it louder. Sanji's voice always resonates louder in his heart. "You look handsome every day." He says, out of breath, blushing and never looking away from Usopp.

Normally, the sniper would go into cardiac arrest for something like this. Now? He just wants to hold Sanji closer and never let go. After a few seconds of staring at each other, Sanji resumes his laughing. Usopp thinks he's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. "You're-" Suddenly, he can feel the grass under them everywhere. He wishes he could do the same with Sanji. Feel him everywhere. All the time. In his skin. Inside. His heart. "You're so regretting this tomorrow. Idiot."

Because he knows Sanji won't like it when he wakes up. The flirting. The touching. He won't do it then. He hides in between bottles of wine and starry nights. And he's painfully honest, but it's better than sober lies.

Sanji doesn't seem like he's listening to him, though, as he keeps playing with his hair. He leans his head closer to Usopp's stomach. "Did you like the cocktails?" He asks, his voice muffled by Usopp's body and one of his arms moving to hold Usopp's waist closer.

Usopp wishes he could have this every day and not whenever Luffy says it's time to party for no reason at all.

But it's nice. It's warm. Usopp can have this tonight.

He gets hold of Sanji's cheeks with only one of his hands and squeezes slightly, making him look up at his eyes. "How could I not?" And he decides to rest his palm in between Sanji's chin and neck. Sanji looks a bit lost. Usopp thinks he does too, probably. He sighs. "Everything you make is good." It's something he always says, but never in this way.

Never wanting to reach out and kiss him. Never actually considering to do so.

The cook does something he isn't expecting, though. He grins. A huge smile decorating his face. And it grows, ever so slowly, until it turns into the brightest of expressions Usopp has ever seen. Sanji's hand grips on his waist, as if he was holding back an excited scream. "Used your favorite fruits!" He turns his head to the side to kiss Usopp's palm. "I like thinkin' 'bout you when I cook."

He thinks about how easy it would be to kiss him now.

But Usopp only smiles back at him.

No amount of alcohol can take out of him the fear of Sanji pushing him away.

#it's been a long time ever since i got drunk. i miss it. somebody take me to a party already. i can't do this (<- has to work)#have some drunk sanuso bc i find drunk prompts extremely romantic bc this is how i started dating my partner #this got angstier than i thought it would i apologize they're pining idiots and sanji doesn't know how to communicate sober #little repressed bisexual french #black leg sanji #usopp #sanuso #one piece

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