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Do u have headcanons about or what do you think about a 90s or 00s AU (maybe) where Curly Shepard is a punk and Ponyboy a goth or a babybat? ^_^ Like imagine purly but ponyboy tries to show his obsession for edgar allan poe and curly or the gang JUST DON'T GET IT 😭

wym anon that literally already IS purly🙄🙄

BUT YEA I DO HAVE HCS!!!! o(^-^)o

(for context who dont know, baby at is the name for like ppl who r newly goth basically, theyre just starting out listening to music n stuff like that)

•since curly is punk here and the whole idea of punks is essentially anti establishment and love individuality i will NOT make him make fun of pony for being goth, especially when hes a babybat hes just embracing himself

•also curly is curly i feel like hes a bit morbid himself and would be at the very least interested in edgar allen poe, so even if he wasnt punk he wouldnt make fun of pony for liking him, even if he does thats just bc hes being friendly and just does NOT like poetry

•ill place this in like, late 90s and early 2000s, so there is that huge thing against goths and punks for being ‘weird’ and against god or something along those lines

•curlys pretty used to being targeted for being different for his punk style and such while pony isnt exactly used to that so i imagine that hes more protective while ponys trying to figure himself out in that regard

•some bands pony would b interested in is evanescence, the cure, and siouxsie and the banshees, london after midnight, of course there IS more but these r like more so his favs

•how pony found out about gothic bands was like, a song was playing in darrys car radio and darry didnt rlly like it so he changed it but the song was already stuck in ponys head

•he brought it up to curly but pony was just like ‘idk maybe itll pass’, it in fact DID not pass and later they was just chillin in curlys car and the song came back on the radio and pony was like ‘neuron activated’

•curly was personally not rlly into the song, but hey, ponys happy so its whatever

•personally i imagine that pony doesnt have a gothic STYLE more so he has a love for gothic songs and literature, yknow what i mean??? but maybe he does borrow some clothes from curly thats more on the gothic side or thrifts some clothes

•other than edgar allen poe, he does like phantom of the opera, frankenstein, dracula, carmilla, dr jekyll and mr hyde, also he would like ruby gloom (thank my gf for this hc)

•his art style is kinda influenced by those media actually

•as for what type of goth he is i could mostly see him being like a geek goth, but he is interested in the looks of victorian goths and gothabilly goths

IVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT PONY FOR TOO LONG NOW ON ABOUT CURLY

•tbh, not much to add for this guy, punk curly is literally just regular curly but more understanding of who he is and what he wants in the world yknow??

•think of curly but actually a lil more, idk thought provoking in his own curly way with a better understanding of the world

•MAY I INSERT MY HC OF CURLY HAVIN AN AFRO MOHAWK HERE🗣️🗣️

•he is from a haitian household tho and haitian moms especially tend to be more, religious and all that jazz, so while tim and angela get their ears yelled off for well being them, its especially happening to curly bc in his moms eyes hes “turning away from god” n what not being a “vagabon” as many haitian moms would put it

•he likes customizing his own clothes, he thrifts and gets a bunch of hand me downs so might as well make them look cooler

•hes a graffiti artist and hes acc pretty well known, everyone knows its him but they dont rlly say anything cause 1) hes curly shepard but 2) his work rlly isnt that bad actually

•i could totally see him liking green day and he does NOT like fall out boy but he does like a coulle of songs from them (much to his dismay

•hes picking up guitar (how he afforded it??? i payed for it lets just say that)

WHEN IT COMES TO THE GANG, they dont rlly get pony being goth, they support him of course, but they do tend to make fun of him a bit</33 but darry, soda, and johnny do try to understand him more, its rlly just two

ps anon my gf said she loves u for ur idea (shes goth, u got the goth stamp of approval)

Hi! I’ve been following this blog for a bit and I love that you are having a HH phase, bc same. Can I get a matchup for the event?

★Gender and pref: I’m a he/she and choose how I present myself based on the setting bc I’m not that open with ppl (yeah, I think it’s important to express yourself but realistically that won’t get me far in certain settings in my country); no gender pref but I’m not too fond of some writing choices when it comes to women in Viv’s works, depends on a character though

★Style: kinda rockstar gf vibe? Sometimes softer colours too

★Personality, hobbies: I’m social and extroverted. Usually that leaves me as a leader of whatever group I’m in. I have a little bit of a hater in me, but I don’t show it if ppl don’t encourage it. I do like when it’s being enabled though. It’s not convenient when you’re in a position where ppl ask you for opinions and actually follow your guide, yk, if I manage an event I’m not going to go around shit talking everything. It feels nice to have someone who does that though, makes it easier to join in and not feel like a jerk (or at least be jerks together I guess??). I write my own songs and am in a band as a backup vocal. Kinda proud that it’s my band but I need to get better until I step up as anything more. I’m a bit of a perfectionist. I like to tease ppl if given the opportunity. Others say I’m flirty. Bold with it at that. I’m ambitious too. Kind of a big thing but I have npd (if you want to look it up without reading scientific papers, go on tumblr, bc the rest of the internet is filled with ‘demonic narcissism’ bullshit) and it influences the way I am. I care lots about my image and don’t have a ton of empathy. I don’t go kicking puppies, but it’s noticeable how I lack in this department. Sometimes people say I’m ’too nice to have it’ cause i do well with kids and do all the youth group volunteering. Also, I do some martial arts and other sports. Kinda sceptical of romance at this point cause I had lots of it and I don’t mix well with a lot of people, but maybe I could do something serious for once if I had the right person. I try to be responsible and respectful but I have no issue finding my place at a wild party or something. I'm pretty chill in general, but I can be soft-er if I want, like with children or if the few ppl I actually am close with (I've got many friend groups but I struggle to make meaningful connections) need me. Usually I just stay my highly analytical, laid back self and say my silly little comments every once in a while. Heard I’m pretty funny if I want to be. My love language is acts of service. I like small things and I do them a lot. I can do words too, but I don't care for them in return. Like, you can be an asshole (up to a limit, I know my worth) and it’s cool with me if I see you have your ways of caring like putting on a song I like in the car

★❤️&💔: love movies like Fight Club (my fav), American Psycho and Donnie Darko; hate sharks, they freak me out; my fav book is The Catcher in the Rye; hate it when people push me to open up and be emotional; love music and I unironically had a few guys play songs AT me and I actually like that too, tho I get why ppl clown on that

★My type: I like people who are more negative than me and aren't afraid to shittalk everything. Just saying whatever, not caring if they offend ppl (up to a point, some issues aren’t debatable ik). Don't really care for morality (to a certain point, again) if you're charismatic and fun to be around, I’m along for the ride and happy to support whatever you get yourself into. I think I would get along with someone who had a little npd too, I like to be able to relate to my partner a bit. If they work somewhat similarly, I don't have to struggle with understanding some stuff, bc I already know how to manage an ego or grandiose behavior. As for looks. Idk, I don’t have a set type. I think ppl that are bigger than me maybe? I’m pretty athletic so it’s not hard, but I guess that’s been a pattern? Also, I do enough of leading as is so in relationships, I don’t mind watching from the side and supporting whatever my partner is doing

-★🎶

I love that for us anon^^

I match you with...

Husk!

Man is definitely a hater too. I can definitely see both of you just talking shit about whoever you don't like.

Doesn't mind your flirtations but don't really expect him to reciprocate unless he's out to fluster you.

Silently supportive of your hobbies and your band. He likes that you're a perfectionist but won't let you overwork yourself to the point you forget to take care of yourself.

Demonstrates he cares for you through little things, he won't make a big fuss about it.

Watches whatever movie you like and is there to listen to you if you want to talk about it.

He's pretty chill with anything so you wouldn't have to worry about being judged.

I feel like you would definitely understand each other, he has toned down a lot since his overlord days.

Likes having you sitting at the bar and just be in your presence. If you shit-talk Alastor in front of him he's yours forever.

Hope you enjoyed it and I didn't mess anything up (feel free to reach out if so).

mwah your art is good and nice :>

can I ask for some advice? no worries if u don't want to answer.

do you have any tips on how exactly to practice art? everytime I ask for art advice everyone always says "practice" but idk what to practice first! do you have any strategies for learning how to draw something? do you do excercises? and if so how do they work?and are there any beginner mistakes I should look out for and change specifically?

thank you so much!! have a wonderful week :>

thank you so much! im ok w answering! i dont want to speak as if i am an expert on how to draw things in general as i am learning as well and definitely am not completely learned, so i might not be the best person to ask since im not very professional w my art as I do it as a hobby (and I can only speak on mostly digital cartoon matters) but i reallly hope to try and help u out even a lil ! im really happy that you’re eager to draw :] I wish you so much luck muwah muwah

i also hated when ppl told me “just practice” and i dont wanna inflict tht on u EITHER LOL but also thats just what i ended up doing for awhile but i tried to find some things to help ^_^

tips for practice: My number one rule is that practices should be challenging but still fun, I know it can get frustrating trying to redraw a pose over and over trying to get it perfect. And over time it rlly is all about muscle memory, the longer you draw the more your eyes will pick out specific shapes in everyday life and convert them into its own vision of them! or at least its good to look at life that way, try to pin point key shapes and stress less on details in practices. after you look at key points, THEN you can go over what you have and draw in and over it to make it more “complete.” To stop practices from getting too stressful I recommend starting out drawing what you want a little more simple looking than ur desired finished product. This helps eliminate the pressure of everything not looking “perfect” and keeps your art more loose and fun. Doing this a few times is gonna get ur brain to recognize patterns in art and how things look/flow in anatomy and such. dont get stuck in ur own head abt perfecting everything to the point you either 1) give up bc ur not at a level capable of it being 100% “perfect” or 2) focus so much on making it perfect that you end up saying the work looks “wonky” or stale in dynamics, So while I do think studies help, don’t get too lost in them. I always practice with media I enjoy too, whether it’s characters or fashion I enjoy.

Strategies learning to draw something: people get mad abt this one but I think tracing reference photos is great. its been awhile but When I tried learning to draw hands better at first I would trace them then put the traced image to the side of the canvas, then try and replicate what my mind saw as its most important angles and aspects. Same for clothing folds/hair/etc! I think it’s maybe not the best idea to trace the ref and use the tracings as is, because you learn more from tracing it then trying to replicate and simplify what u learned into the style you’re working in. Find what shapes you like from them and don’t over detail it. you may have to go by eye and think “what parts of this ref photo should i simplify to fit my style” and for me, its usually adjusting the length of the torso and then the limbs by associations. i dont recommend feeling like u need a reference for every art you make though, its ok to let ur own head try out its own sometimes too while trying to learn this, see if it remembers any call bad from the past referenced sketches! over time ull remember where everything goes more, these days i rarely kick myself to use refs but im sure they still would help to use, but figure drawing simple blobby figure in a bunch of random poses was a big thing i used to do as well to get better at full body art + overall dynamics (still does this). also paying attention to silhouettes is great 

Exercises and how they work: I WANNA HELP U SO BAD BUT to be honest, all the works on my blog ARE exercises! i rarely actually do finished pieces, if u scroll thru my posts ull notice most r sketches. i usually just fill up a page and call it “warm ups” then i get attached to some of them, take a few, and just line them up pleasingly on a smaller page, then color them in (or sometimes fix the lines to be more clean too). im not rlly a person who “exercises” to practice, it more so happens from just me drawing a lot for fun as a hobby! but i really should. i will tell u this has humbled me a lil i need to start practicing too 😭 LOL but a good exercise is to look at what ur inspirations do, and study it. Make a collage and write out what you like most abt their styles/what u want to gain from them. For ref Here’s a page I did awhile ago when someone asked me abt my insps:

i also look at fashion magazines and as well as anime figures and take insps from that sometimes with learning cool poses and compositions to convert into my own things

Beginner mistakes to look out for: its hard for me to pin point “mistakes” beginners make, as sometimes we cant avoid all of them or even notice them, progress comes from growing out of old ways. some mistakes are even the foundation of ur future amazing cool style! but i think some things to look out for could be these, from my own old art experiences

Hands were the first thing I learned bc i liked drawing them. I don’t know if that is the best way to go but I think it is smart to practice sooner than later, here is a lil guide thingggyyy wingyyy from awhle ago

i see beginners shy away from drawing signs of age in people, sometimes adding too much detail on an older person in cartoon art makes it look weird, so i try and hit the key markings on ppls faces of age.

Too thin of lines. sometimes its a stylistic choice to use thin lineart, and it can look amazing ! but sometimes it can flatten an image if ur not familiar with its flow. im not saying use thick line art, but more so to keep in mind the weight of ur strokes, adding depth with a thick thin combo of line art can do SO much for the simplest of pieces. heres a visual from a while back when i talked abt my brush + more abt lines:

but if ur desired style is thin lineart that is cool too! tbh it was just harder for me as a beginner

sometimes artists think they need to do full lineart for everything and then hate how it looks compared to the sketch, do not fear i will introduce u to my bff: painting over a sketch, extractinging the lines, then calling it line art. i only do this sometimes but its a fun exercise-ish thing to do in a pinch. example:

finding what shading fits ur art. sometimes ill see ppl starting out who have a style thats very simple, but they use a very detailed rendering process on it. this is not something id ever police of course, art is each persons own choice! And it CAN work. It can be so cute! but sometimes mixing two very contrasting mediums of art can throw off the “put together” look of it. i use to abuse the airbrush tool thinking it made my simple style look super cool and detailed, but looking back on it now those pieces looked a little off, having such a simple style have somewhat more realistic shading. dont get me wrong the ability i see ppl use rendering like that is so insanely talented! but i found cellshading to be a good match for cartoony art like my own. a tip i learned way too late abt that is rather than shading each layer by color picking a darker color, instead use a clipping mask over the entire art (above line art too as I color my lineart) and lasso tool the areas u want shaded + fill it w a saturated purple then set to multiply + lower opacity. also, sometimes coloring can come out chalky looking when u meant for it to be smooth and transitional, i think this comes from overshading and overlighting pieces without reason. pay attention to where the light source is, and focus on making the shaded and lighter areas nice shapes that cover the necessary areas, then u can add additional shading to the smaller details of what should have a casted shadow/light  

its good to spice up ur art now rather than later, focusing making ur art pop more w backgrounds will help ur coloring skills look better too! i dont mean detailed huge backgrounds, a small lil color pallet and design rather than a blank white bg. like this will make u feel better abt it or at least it helped me *sweats* yeah:

beginners tend to draw blank faces like “:)” but I think a good thing to do is try and get silly with expressions early on. It’s okay if the mouth hangs off the face cartoonishly with joy or shock, it’s ok if the eyebrows are super high in surprise.

tracing and pasting it as is (already said this but I’ve seen ppl do it a lot with hair styles and it makes it look alienated from the rest of the style) (final fantasy fans found critically injured) n if need a ref for a pose, using a real humans anatomy as-is doesn’t look quite right on a cartoonyish drawing. Shortening torso and legs usually comes out of this for me!

flip ur canvas i promise u it’ll be less embarrassing over time!

using guidelines for perspective and foreshortening is GREAT. Do it stylistically rather than realistically to add some groove to it...yay. Having silly perspective in art can make it look like a 10 so easily opposed to a normal front facing sketch. Look at cool poses from fashion magazines! Don’t be scared to draw something you don’t feel confident in conveying perfectly, this is why progress redraws exist :)

Drawing the hairline b4 u draw the hair is great, it helps u understand where their hair flows from, where it starts and stops, AND prepares u for drawing bald ppl. Also don’t make the head too big, the skull IS bigger up top, but sometimes I see an alien head affect.

Anatomy is an interesting mistake that beginners make a lot, but it’s one they find harder to notice! When I started out, all my art would be SO wonky, but I didn’t even realize it! It still happens today too! specifically though I see beginners struggle with the arms in this department. My advice is to try and measure them out and make sure they don’t go past the knees, and are the same length as each other when Unfolded. asking for criticism is hard but it helped me realize when i would make something bigger/longer than it should have been in my art, and stuck with me being able to go “oh... i see it LOL” 

clothing wrinkles- do not over do it! Too many wrinkles and shading can look unpleasant and wirey- like a plastic table cloth all bunched up which isn’t exactly what ppl wear. pay attention to gravity too

I hope this helped even a lil im sorry tht I’m not very good at explaining or didn’t have much to sayyy! If u have any troubles no guarantee I’ll have the answer, but ur always free to ask!

In a waiting room so let me share my BATFAM WITH ANIMAL EARS AU:

- In this universe lets just pretend animal hybrids are semi common in vestigial ways, like, hawkgirl is special bc she can actually do lenghty flights instead of gliding and has her thanagarian strenght but she would blend in much better, cheetah is too much cat to the left

- Bruce Wayne is gotham's catboy prince, with soft gradient siamese cat ears and a very fluffy tail, people love thinking he's playful bc he's a cat, if the shoe fits i guess play the part, show-cat vibes

- ON THE OTHER HAND....BATMAN well, people arent sure WHAT he is but they tend to take the Bat part literally in their theories, he doesnt even need to see u to notice ure there!

In reality, batman is a cat hybrid who rolls his ears like a taquito inside the too-tight cowl's hollow bat ears, and rolls his tail on his leg (he's so lucky his tail is fluffy enough to cover fractures)

- Selina, who isnt a hybrid and just rlly likes cats, does find batman interesting and fun to play with in general but when she finds out he's catboy wayne she's like "ah, yea actually makes sense"

- superbat (shippy or platonic doesnt rlly matter) detail is when clark realizes bruce's ears always hurt after using the cowl he takes up the habit of massaging them post league mission, bruce would be more upset if it didnt work, still refuses to go easy on himself by making the cowl ears wider tho

- not all his family is hybrids but notable mentions are:

- Dick grayson who is a bird hybrid, but not a robin bird! Maybe something like a crane? Im open to suggestions but its necessary to disguise his wings while he's out patrolling as robin, as nightwing he wears cosmetic guards that make his wings look black with blue shimmer

- Jason Todd the dog hybrid! Something fluffy and smart like a border collie, he doesnt realize how fluffy he is until he goes live w bruce

As robin he adapts the character to his own style after he becomes frustrated w using fake wings to keep the illusion of flight up, maybe he cant glide but he can still kick ur teeth in

As Red Hood he follows bruce's ear stressant tendencies by wearing his Egg helmet and keeping them flat on his head and his tail hidden so ppl think he's not a hybrid

- Tim Drake the Owl!!! He just looks at u, like's looking at ur soul. He had to be extra crafty as a kid bc his wings are lightly colored and very fluffy so he had to work to not be seen, makes him rlly sneaky, he needs to disguise his wings as robin too ofc

U just know jason was extra ticked off at bruce finding ANOTHER bird robin, since evidently the land-bound one was not enough (his brain is being mean to him and doesnt bother telling him that stephanie isnt even a hybrid)

Red Robin tim probably has the bad habit of plucking feathers when he's thinking and stressed, he still keeps his wings neat enough so he can glide along w kon el, who is extra happy to have someone to share the sky with

- Cass is a black panther hybrid, very beautiful very powerful. She does the cat stare thing @ ppl, and can read bruce's hybrid habits better than any other member in the family

As batgirl and black bat her cowl ears are ACTUALLY wide enough to be comfortable bc 'do as i say not as i do' is the bruce modus operandi

- I cant decide if damian is also a cat hybrid like his dad or if the gene didnt pass to him and he's the second non hybrid robin and it has to do with his sibling hostility, open to suggestions!

- steph, alfred, barbara and duke arent hybrids but duke is still a meta :)

Can I get a romantic matchup from Hazbin? Here are some informations abt me

Gender and pref: I’m a he/she and choose how I present myself based on the setting bc I’m not that open with ppl (yeah, I think it’s important to express yourself but realistically that won’t get me far in certain settings in my country); no gender pref but I’m not too fond of some writing choices when it comes to women in Viv’s works, depends on a character though

Style: kinda rockstar gf vibe? Sometimes softer colours too

Personality, hobbies: I’m social and extroverted. Usually that leaves me as a leader of whatever group I’m in. I have a little bit of a hater in me, but I don’t show it if ppl don’t encourage it. I do like when it’s being enabled though. It’s not convenient when you’re in a position where ppl ask you for opinions and actually follow your guide, yk, if I manage an event I’m not going to go around shit talking everything. It feels nice to have someone who does that though, makes it easier to join in and not feel like a jerk (or at least be jerks together I guess??). I write my own songs and am in a band as a backup vocal. Kinda proud that it’s my band but I need to get better until I step up as anything more. I’m a bit of a perfectionist. I like to tease ppl if given the opportunity. Others say I’m flirty. Bold with it at that. I’m ambitious too. Kind of a big thing but I have npd (if you want to look it up without reading scientific papers, go on tumblr, bc the rest of the internet is filled with ‘demonic narcissism’ bullshit) and it influences the way I am. I care lots about my image and don’t have a ton of empathy. I don’t go kicking puppies, but it’s noticeable how I lack in this department. Sometimes people say I’m ’too nice to have it’ cause i do well with kids and do all the youth group volunteering. Also, I do some martial arts and other sports. Kinda sceptical of romance at this point cause I had lots of it and I don’t mix well with a lot of people, but maybe I could do something serious for once if I had the right person. I try to be responsible and respectful but I have no issue finding my place at a wild party or something. I'm pretty chill in general, but I can be soft-er if I want, like with children or if the few ppl I actually am close with (I've got many friend groups but I struggle to make meaningful connections) need me. Usually I just stay my highly analytical, laid back self and say my silly little comments every once in a while. Heard I’m pretty funny if I want to be. My love language is acts of service. I like small things and I do them a lot. I can do words too, but I don't care for them in return. Like, you can be an asshole (up to a limit, I know my worth) and it’s cool with me if I see you have your ways of caring like putting on a song I like in the car

Likes and dislikes: love movies like Fight Club (my fav), American Psycho and Donnie Darko; hate sharks, they freak me out; my fav book is The Catcher in the Rye; hate it when people push me to open up and be emotional; love music and unironically had a few guys play songs AT me and I actually like that too, tho I get why ppl clown on that

My type: I like people who are more negative than me and aren't afraid to shittalk everything. Just saying whatever, not caring if they offend ppl (up to a point, some issues aren’t debatable ik). Don't really care for morality (to a certain point, again) if you're charismatic and fun to be around, I’m along for the ride and happy to support whatever you get yourself into. I think I would get along with someone who had a little npd too, I like to be able to relate to my partner a bit. If they work somewhat similarly, I don't have to struggle with understanding some stuff, bc I already know how to manage an ego or grandiose behavior. As for looks. Idk, I don’t have a set type. I think maybe ppl that are bigger than me? I’m pretty athletic so it’s not hard, but I guess that’s been a pattern? Also, I do enough of leading as is so in relationships I don’t mind watching from the side and supporting whatever my partner is doing

-★🎶

I match you with...

Husk

~He likes listening to you sing

~He doesn't get flustered much but he has a couple times by you

~Both of y'all are skeptical about the whole romance thing, But y'all are trying

~Likes watching movies with you

~Yall are both a bit emotionally stunted, that's okay though

~He loves your style

~He prepares drinks for you

~You do a lot of the talking between you two

~Yall shit talk together

~He likes your sense of humor

ive noticed while yr output has slowed down a bit, more shamelessly "inspired" artists have cropped up on ig. im not someone who thinks styles just suddenly are made by one person, but its obvious tht this strain traces back to you. do you care about any of that or feel a pressure to 'claim' the style and not be left behind? or are you someone who just wants to do their best to focus on making what they want, and then leave others to eventually give credit if they want?

Ok finally replying to this one ive had this one on hold here for Like a yr bc my feelings on th matter change all th time but lately it's been a lot of acceptance a& Just like feeling good about it that anything i made was important enough to anyone to make something inspired on it be it blatantly or not im just happy to inspire people like that i still have silly feelings abt it sometimes bc i feel its so ridiculous that id make something so apparently inspiring and appealing for a specific pocket of people on the internet when i was just making art for myself but i guess thats always how it happens right and sometimes but not that often anymore i get angry feelings about it too. I think it's so stupid people way older than me, art students too, just curate what I make and process it into a repeatable format and get clout & sell merch off of this and get job opportunities and become more "popular" than me. I get angry. I get jealous. It's Ok. these feelings are valid and I don't try to repress them but deal w them

DMs w a friend Like oliver shout out @asphaltfchewinggum said :

I don't worry abt that falling off part anymore bc i don't feel i will ever be left behind because im always coming up w new stuff and novel ways of expressing my feelings and ppl still relate to it and get inspired by it a lot as long as i stay true iv only been going up as usual since then. I think i still have very unique things to say so I;ll just dedicate myself to saying them. I think every yr my art becomes more and more unique and apparently appealing but I can't ever say that second one for certain.it doesnt depend on me

☝️some shit from December i didnt finish bc im developing my new style now my new things to say & new truths. Exclusive Leak

an old Pinterest board somebody made inspired by me(didnt even send it to me, it was supposed to be this private curation thing ig) My output slowed down bc since 2021 my life has changed a lot and become a good bit more fulfilling by itsdelf without the need of art, I miss the energy ihad in 2020 of working all day everyday but at th same time this new ifestyle is very fun and iv felt more assured professionaly and emotionally so its all good. 2022 started college and this year im not going anymore ! i didnt Like it and realized it would stunt my growth so i stopped going. Last year I grew a lot las a person and took on new responsibilities and i think it was the beast year of my life .its moments &moments and i think 2023 im working very hard again hopefully bc i got a lot of shit in check.

me yesterday morning looking very ugly almost asleep w some food i went out & groggily bought for my girlfriend. I love her soooo much ... she gives me similar gratification making art gave me but she does it by just existing. Not having to prove anything. I'm happy. I think loving is a form of art. I'm not that good at it but i'm learning. Living is a form of art too. I guess what changed is my life stopped being all about myself

"im still here" and here i remain

Here’s the infir for our trade:

My style has a rockstar gf vibe. Sometimes softer colours too. I'm hourglass shaped and almost curvy, but I spend lots of time training (MMA) so instead im lowkey athletic with some muscle. I've got dark gray almond shaped eyes and medium lengst wavy blonde wolfcut with (renee rapp-style) bangs. Ironically (for Hazbin) I often hear that I look Angel-like? Like, even from strangers on the street?? That or that I’m intimidating. Ngl, that strokes my ego a bit (as all the other times I had strangers compliment me, tho I try to be neutral abt it bc ofc I’m pretty), but idk what really makes me come across that way. Got some casual makeup on usually. I’ve got some scars and bruises from training, don’t mind most, not too fond of my scar from a sword fight (long story), bc it’s big (and I hate that somebody might think that I lost it; my ego >>> my body - with injuries like that). Also, got a hidden tattoo. Yeah yeah, my youth group (idk how to actually say it in eng) doesn’t allow it, I’ve got my rep but give me some sweet hypocrisy as a treat (/hj), I think the tattoo looks awesome (yeah, it was diy). I’m social & extroverted. I write songs and am in a band. Other than that I like to tease ppl if given the opportunity; others say I’m flirty - bold with it at that. I’m ambitious too. I don't take shit from ppl, im far from meek. I have npd (if you want to look it up without reading scientific papers, go on tumblr, bc the rest of the internet is filled with ‘demonic narcissism’ bullshit) and it influences the way I am. I care lots about my image, don’t have a ton of empathy etc. I don’t kick puppies, but it‘s noticeable how I lack in this department. Sometimes people say I’m ’too nice to have it’ cause i do well with kids and do all the youth group volunteering. Kinda skeptical of serious romance cause I had lots of it & I don’t mix well with a lot of people. Maybe I could do something serious for once if I had the right person. I try to be responsible and respectful but I have no issue finding my place at a wild party or something. I can be soft-er if I want, like with children or ppl I’m close with (I've got many friend groups but struggle to make meaningful connections). Usually I just stay my analytical, laid-back self and say my silly little comments every once in a while. Heard I’m pretty funny if I want to be. My love language is acts of service. I like small things and I do them a lot. I can do praise too, but I don't care for it in return. Like, you can be an asshole (up to a limit, I know my worth) and it’s cool with me if I see you have your ways of caring like putting on a song I like in the car. Unrelated but some say I’m kinda closed off and ‘mysterious’ or wtv . Hate it when people push me to open up and be emotional; love music and I unironically had a few guys play songs AT me and I actually like that too, tho I get why ppl clown on it; despise the ‘I can fix them’ trope, it just feels wrong; obvi love my band, we are awesome; Deal breakers r: boring ppl, too romantic or sentimental, ppl who can't be casual with me, ppl who only approach me bc of my looks (yeah they are important, but my personality’s too good to ignore in the long run, come on), for Hazbin - no Val. I like ppl who are more negative than me and aren't afraid to shittalk everything. Just saying whatever, not caring if they offend ppl (up to a point, some issues aren’t debatable ik). I like to join in sometimes. They have to be at least a little funny. And determined abt their goals, like a lot, no matter what it is. Don't really care for morality (to a certain point, again) if you're charismatic and fun to be around, I’m along for the ride and happy to support whatever you get yourself into. Like, my perfect dynamic is usually when the other person says the wildest shit and I just go like ‘yeah, go baby’. Ppl try to argue? I pull out the ‘who?… who cares?’ card.

1/2, just a few sentences got cut

-★🎶

Hellooooo! Here's my part of the trade!

Your match for hazbin hotel is.....Velvette! With Adam as a close runner up lol

Okay so as I said in messages, Velvet would be a perfect match for you (with adam as your very close runner up). You said you don’t like sentimental or boring people but you like them ambitious and audacious. Tell me how it’s not our dear Velvette. Now okay, given her little screentime there’s a chance she approached you first for your looks but put her in her place and there you go. A nice enemies to lovers’ story. Who asked the other one first? Her. She was pushed to the edge by the other V’s teasing.

Something that fits you both in the relationship is that you don’t expect the lovey dovey atmosphere. It’s more like…that’s my demon, fuck off. She likes that you retaliate and doesn’t get hurt easily because she won’t have to watch her words. It’s not uncommon to find both of you bickering but if anyone dared to try and side with one of you they’d get hurt. Velvette love language is probably gifts and fancy dates. She likes it when you do small things for her and will show it off by saying find a better lover than mine or something similar. Your relationship will be public but the amount of photoshoots you two do together depends on you, she won’t force you into an influencer life.

Now Velvette likes your style and you two give me the same vibes. But you know what she likes more? Matching outfits with you. She will probably offer to do your make up for you if you let her. As for the tattoos, if the relationship gets serious then she will get one for you. In private, she does fuss over the bruises you get during training and even proposes to….take care of your opponents. If you do any matches she will clear her schedule and assist.

Besides her brutal honesty, Velvette is the best critique you could ask for. She will help out your band as much as she can. Leave the costumes and decorations to her lol. Now onto some personal headcanons, I think that Velvette would enjoy a lover that’s stronger than her (physically. In termof powers idk) but wouldn’t abuse it. Someone who’d pick her up and spin, her around or just someone with who she can get lost in their arms in private. A lover who won’t judge her and accept her with all her flaws. I also think she’s the type that enjoys late car rides with full on music to destress. But for all of this to happen and for her to let her real walls down the relationship would have to become serious. You’re both in it for fun and it’s easy to get backstabbed in hell after all.

Hope you like it. I tried to include everything

How do you think you gain confidence? I was always that girl growing up that just didn't even know the concept of self-respect... </3

this is such a hard question that i really wish i had an answer for but tbh i dont really know how i gained my confidence bc its something that slowly developed and grew over time and i honestly dont know how i achieved it. my first guess is that my mom (and my dad tbh but i think my mom was more impactful since we r both women u know) instilled it in me from a very young age and that gave me a bit of a headstart in a way. i have been very insecure earlier tho like in my early teens i was very insecure about my looks but when i was about 16-17 i was starting to get more confident but that confidence wasnt even rooted in my looks it was more from my personality and me learning that ppl are very drawn to me just from my energy bc i do have a strong presence and once i leaned into that i found out that im very charming and naturally charismatic (idk if its genetic or just a result of my upbringing and my parents parenting style bc my brother has this too) and i think thats what lead me to also appreciate how i look bc i started liking and feel proud of who i am and my face and body is part of who i am.

i feel like ppl reading this will assume im especially physically beautiful or whatever but i think the interesting thing about this is that im actually not. like my physical features are kinda mid. like my features arent striking. im very girl next door facially. attractive but not head turningly so, just regular attractive. nothing special at all when u really boil it down to just my physical looks/face. what makes me stand out to a lot of ppl is the way i carry myself. the confidence in my walk, the look in my eye, my overall presence and the vibe about me etc. im more intrigueing than i am physically beautiful. idk how to explain it. all i can say is that just simply looking or appearing confident ascends physical looks and i know this from experience.

so anyways my confidence runs way deeper than just surface level/looks. i just appreciate and work with what i have. i dont aspire to be on the same level as models and celebrities bc i dont feel the need to be the prettiest girl in the room or look like an instagram model bc im very happy with who i am and when i look at myself in the mirror i do think im beautiful like just in my own personal opinion. i just love myself idk i just love her shes my baby im my baby

Hi!! Could I have a male PJO & Marauders match-up pls? Thank you so much in advance! 💖

LOOKS: I'm a mixed race Latina with long dark hair, brown doe eyes, pale-olive skin w/ a light dusting of freckles, & a curvy, top-heavy hourglass figure! 

STYLE: Baddie/Bombshell + Pastel Grunge!

DIALECT: I sound like a pretty typical Valley Girl that makes people tend to underestimate me (💀) but occasionally, a subtle Southern drawl slips out!

MBTI: INFP

GODLY PARENT: Aphrodite Areia ~ aka the Dark Feminine aspect of Aphrodite! Not many ppl know that she was a warrior goddess too, not just the patroness of Love & Beauty. Ppl do terrible things for love sometimes & the intensity + seductive aspects of it can be dangerous. Aphrodite was born of the sea but the sea is not just beautiful but deadly & unpredictable as well!

DEMIGOD GIFTS/ABILITIES: Charmspeak (people & animals alike tend to gravitate towards me!), Empathic Manipulation, Strong Swimmer (Aphrodite was born of the sea after all!)

WEAPON: I’d definitely use a mortuary sword while riding on a pegasus tbh

PERSONALITY: I'm told I’m the personification of the Subversive Bimbo trope (like Harley Quinn from DC Comics) bc ppl tend to underestimate me since I come off v sweet & bubbly until I’m given a reason not to be BUT I have a sharp temper so give me a reason & I will be the first to lash out. When I get mad, I don’t hold back & my sarcasm becomes VICIOUS but as long as you don’t piss me off, you won’t be on the other end of it. 

People on my good side say I’m affectionate, vivacious, feisty, sweet, friendly, intuitive, sensitive, idealistic, impulsive, snarky/funny, & smart! 

People on my bad side say I’m a fiery, stubborn, opinionated, temperamental hellcat lol. I can go from 0 to 100 real quick & God help the person who disrespects my S/O bc I would go to WAR for him. He is my ultimate Achilles Heel bc I would sacrifice myself for him in an instant. 

I might be a bit of a Nihilist lol…And when I’m convinced of something, I can be hella stubborn & will go to bat for it, for better or worse.

I love really hard & I’m Fiercely protective of those I care about but my intense love for them can make me reckless.

I'm a sweet lil firecracker lol, both fiery & feminine (my winged eyeliner is my warpaint lol).

TLDR: I’m told I'm sort of a "good girl gone bad" type, both sweet sugar & rebellious spice. 🤭

LOVE LANGUAGES: Words of Affirmation + Physical Touch 

ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Good

ENNEAGRAM TYPE: Counterphobic 6

HP HOUSE: Slytherdor (aka Justice, by any means necessary)

PATRONUS: Swan (Delicate-seeming but fierce & protective!)

LIKES: Animals of all kinds, True Crime, All Forms of PDA (I LOVE AFFECTION!!!), Dark humor, Comic books, Singing/Musical Theatre, Astrology, Psychology, Writing, Genealogy, Fun Facts, Iced coffee (can’t live without it tbh).

DISLIKES: Bigots, Animal Abusers, Driving, Obnoxious or Pretentious People, Womanizers, People who are indifferent to others, waking up early

Thank you so much in advance, lovely!! 💖

Hi there, sweetie! I really hope you like this a lot!

PJO Matchup

Your PJO soulmate is...

FRANK ZHANG!

He would definitely be petting all animals in the zoo for you because he wants you to be happy with the animals and himself too.

He would absolutely love fun facts as well because he thought the fun facts are really knowledge but also fun at the same time.

He would be a very good driver and he would drive at any place you wanted to go to at any time.

Chaotic Good x Chaotic Good sweethearts!

Hufflepuff x Slytherdor lovebirds!

INFP x INFP soulmates!

Cancer x Capricorn intertwined lovers!

Harry Potter (Marauders Era) Matchup

Your Harry Potter (Marauders Era) soulmate is...

REMUS LUPIN!

He would appreciate your courage to stand up for people who are mean to him because he is a werewolf and also he is mostly the only one who gets to calm you down when people are pushing your buttons a lot.

He would definitely be interested in astrology a lot actually so he is thankful for your help when it comes to finding out about which zodiac signs placements he does have in his birthchart.

The two of you would definitely have coffee dates together and you guys would always order the same iced coffee drink together because both of you loves the taste of the iced coffee drink.

Lawful Good x Chaotic Good lovebirds!

Gryffindor x Slytherdor soulmates!

INFJ x INFP intertwined lovers!

Pisces x Capricorn sweethearts!

i am having a bad night but i am constantly reminded how much i love beibg nice to ppl and how scared i am of it. bc i felt like my kindness was always wasted, thrown away, or thrown back in my face so much.

i felt for a long time that kindness was.. not "weak" per se but just not fuckin worth it at all and that i should just be an aloof asshole to everyone. i felt i had earned it, because of how i suffered i felt it was so much EASIER to just let people think i didnt care for them or what they thought. i made it a point to never seem "too" interested in anything, kept all my potential friends here and even coworkers who extended any sort of attempt at friendship at arms length, i never let anyone know i really cared, or was curious about them. id let the nice words play out in my head, and never say them

im fine, but how have you been? i remember you said something about your cousin being sick...

i wasnt joking earlier and i really do think your sense of style is nice

it's genuinely sweet how you try and reassure me even though youre shy, i do hear you sometimes and i really do appreciate it. i dont mean to seem like im not listening i just get busy really quickly

i think youre more capable than i am and i could never hate you

even if it seems like i avoid you it's mostly because im terrified of looking stupid in front of you, not because i dont like you

like i cannot express how difficult it has been to be polite to people throughout the fuckin holiday season. and january being thr worst month ever. but i really do want to be and its actually embarrassing.

i think its sort of just been leaking out of me in overly-affectionate compliments toward my coworkers. but honestly whats better than making someone smile at the very beginning of their day? or making their shift a bit better? i dont know if its also the social deprivation but when i see certain people smile i SWOON. i just cant help but want to have that from everyone

telling someone they have a nice smile as a surefire way to get them smiling? impeccable

making someone laugh so hard that they can barely speak, seeing someone get flustered because you were happy to see them, seeing a smirk on someones face that says theyre TRYING to be serious but youve totally cracked them. i love it. i love it all so much. Its sooo embarrassing but also🖤

Not a request just a question out of curiosity. How did you feel when you first started out writing fanfics for a particular fandom? Have you always been passionate about writing? What is your method to know a character better so as to make your works seem close to their original personality?

I love your works, they genuinely make my day and would love to write for lookism one day as well and you're my biggest inspiration ❤️ hope you have a wonderful day :)

[Don't have to reply if you don't feel like it]

i got REALLY wordy so things are under a cut!

anyways can i just say this is such a sweet message 😭😭💓💕💓💕💞💖💞💕💓💖💞💘

thank u so much for sending this ask !! it always means the world to me when ppl express care and curiosity about other's creativity journeys :'] 💖

this goes for u, too, anon; if ur comfortable sharing, i'd love to hear ur own answers to ur questions! <33

how did you feel when you first started out writing fanfics for a particular fandom?

i started when i was around 9 and was very excited to share so thats what i did :] but over time i grew insecure and felt my old stuff was stupid lmao so i deleted it all off the web and then writing became a private thing for me for a very, very long time (writing like 40k, 38 chapters worth of stuff just for me 😭). i've wanted to share during my last few fandoms but never got the courage to until i got into lookism/viral hit !

(well, actually, i did share some writing during my "obey me!" phase but it was just text convos lol)

naturally, i was nervous putting my writing out in the world again esp bc the last time i did was when i like 11-12, and i was 16 when i wanted go public with my writing again 😔 im very glad i pushed myself to tho, bc its basically been a year now and i've had a blast!

i never imagined so many people would like my silly writing, enough to send in requests T_T 💕💖

have you always been passionate about writing?

kind of,,? i really only got into it because of fanfiction lol but i did consider becoming an author for like. a week of my life sjdhwhdj so really it's just a hobby i do since im the walking definition of "speaks little but thinks a lot"

gotta put thoughts down somewhere yknow? and at the end of the day, writing to me is just what art is to me; it's for fun and to express myself. sure, i wanna get better at both, but if my stuff turns out "objectively" bad, at least i know i had fun with it :'D

(that's my philosophy with art in general; make "bad" art!! have fun!!! enjoy life!!! i hate comparison/competitive things!!!! lets all just have a nice time being kind to each other!!!!!)

creative writing is very cool tho and i have a bunch of ocs i'd love to write stories for, but the artist in me is saying i want to do them webtoon style ;_;

what is your method to know a character better so as to make your works seem close to their original personality?

going to be honest, im not the best person to ask for this 😭 im the world's most casual writer and i take my "just have fun with ur art" thing very seriously;;

i.e. i just keep note of how a character acts throughout a story, characterize them along the way, and then use that as my base for any writing i do of them 😭

um. i also (re)read fandomwiki pages of them, if any, to double check for stuff 😭😭😭 occasionally i rewatch/reread moments of them in their stories when i want to look for something specific but otherwise it's just me going "hm would this character do this?", comparing it to my base, and reacting accordingly!

other times i straight up go "yeah they probably wouldnt do this BUT it would be cute so im going to do it 😍"

so, if nothing works, just let urself be self indulgent <3 unless u do want to take ur writing more seriously than i do, then uh yeah it would be much better for u to look up advice from people who take their writing more seriously ^_^"

final notes

thank u for liking my stuff, im very happy to hear they make ur day ;__; 💖💕💓💞 plus saying im ur biggest inspiration too is so,, ueueuueu,,,, ;;__;; 💞💘💞💞💘💕💖💘

i really hope u get around to writing for lookism or any other fandoms/original works!!! i wish u the absolute best with you and your writing journey, and feel free to tag/dm me with anything u write!! i'd be happy to support :]

hope you're having a wonderful day, too 💖💖

people who ship larry and really anyone who tries to force a certain sexuality on people irk me like no other. and it’s sooooo embarrassing

i’ve seen grown ass women like 60+ who have children and grandchildren trying to convince people that “larry is real” 🫠 do whatever makes you happy but seriously? you have a family and much bigger responsibilities so why are you focusing on two people who have said either that larry wasn’t real or that they weren’t gay. i hate even saying the word larry. if you have to consistently look for “proofs” in between the lines of the things they do than maybe it’s time to let it go.

i have never once thought they were romantically involved. the boys in my highschool class were FAR worse than harry and louis. like you would genuinely believe they were in love or something because that’s what teen boys do, they think stuff like that is funny.

anyways sorry for the long rant i just cannot with people who try to force sexuality on people. if either of them were actually gay and wanted the world to know, they would. it’s 2023 and queer is not a dirty word anymore.

disclaimer: i've noticed that every single time i talk about harry styles on here, i somehow get either asks shitting on him or asks being rude to me bc of some opinion i have of him. i'm letting you know this now - i do not care. idc if you don't like him bc "he queerbaits and his music isn't even that good and he didn't deserve his grammys and blah blah blah" IDC. sorry. i don't want your think pieces. i don't care what you have to say about him, especially if it's negative. if you don't like him, totally fine. but i do, so just move it along then. don't read this ask. why frustrate yourself over someone you don't like.

now about your ask lol

imma be honest with you, i don't really know everything about larry, mostly bc i was never into one direction (jonas brothers fans where you at?) but i did at one point or another watch some videos on them, out of curiosity. and let me tell you, the lengths some of these ppl go to is very interesting to me. bc at some point, you just gotta face facts: they aren't together. and that's okay.

especially when you try to question their sexuality and shit. that's when it gets gross to me, too. you aren't owed an answer to someone's sexuality, and questioning will not make the person more comfortable to come out, if that's something they are considering.

i don't mind the occasional conspiracy theory or kiki about fandom drama - god knows i would be a hypocrite if i said otherwise. but there comes a point where you gotta be honest with yourself and what actual reality is vs what you want it to be. those are very much TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.

like i've seen some ppl go as far as to claim that louis' baby isn't really his and that harry is contractually obligated to appear straight and shit like that and i'm just like…. none of this exhausts you? bc this is such a reach, and borderline insane.

is it possible that maybe, at one point in time, louis and harry could have been a thing? sure. i'll give you that. they were both young boys thrown into fame and needed someone to lean on, so i can believe that maybe they leaned on each other and things could have gotten more than just platonic. but clearly, that just isn't the case anymore. let it be.

if you still believe, you're allowed to. go ahead and do so. but don't expect everyone to agree with you.

met!! hello!!! for starters it's still so cool were mutuals. it's wild to me when an artist I like follows me because I'm like woah!! that's them!! *pointing at a big light up sign style* but genuinely you are so cool and your art is a huge inspiration for me. Your character designs are something I always go back too. I absolutely love the way you color (with markers??) some times I'll just look at a piece for a long period of time bc I genuinely get entranced 😭?? but yeah!! also you have some of the coolest idea my god!!! all of your enderman headcanons and ideas just make me vibrate fr fr speaking of minecraft!! I also love seeing your builds!! like the knifetrick one and the ones on your survival worlds. it always gets me in the minecraft mood :D I love just seeing how much you care about your friends it's something very admirable and always makes me feel so happy!!! you're a very neat person and I hope people tell you that tons because you deserve it <3 thank you for being such a wonderful energy to be around

HI IVE BEEN SO BUSY I CAN FINALLY SIT DOWN AND ANSWER THIS <333

firstly THANK YOU OMG its so strange that ppl will tell me im like this cool popular person hehe im just a little guy ^_^

secondly YESSSS ive been like trying to work on character design and how i color for years just by myself with a lot of tutorials. whats funny is i had a friend a few years ago literally in character design courses who would come and rely on me for help because he said i just Understood How It Works. which is cool lol i am NOT trying to brag but it does make me feel good every time someone says my designs just Feel Correct lol!!

thirdly OMG YES I LOVE BUILDING SOOOOO MUCH i didnt think i was that good at it a few years ago but i kept watching people like fwip and grian and really tried to mimic how they build things and analyzed why they did it and why it worked, and now id say im pretty good :3 i need to fucking terraform holly's and my base soon bc its gonna look SAURRR GORGEOUS

and then finally thats so sweet to hear <33 i really love everyone in this friend group they've been with me through thick and thin, and i think even if we drift apart one day its not gonna be out of malice itll just be because we're all doing amazing things, and i would love to see all my friends happy and successful :) i really do love them all though thunder cam and asriel are all incredible artists holly is an amazing writer and literally like a brother to me thes literally owns c!quackity like FOR REALLLL the way pup writes casino is fucking insane its like perfect.

tldr thank u so much this is so sweet to get ive been waiting to reply to this just so i can say how grateful i am that u think so highly of me <3

.

so theres something i wanted to talk about. <- HOLY SHIT that sounds like the beginning of a youtube drama apology video LOL its actually not serious at all i just wanted talk abt my writing. an umm this is kinda gonna be personal in a way usually wouldnt put on a porn blog but! who cares lol this is my blog an i can do w/e i want

but first i wanted to say like. how genuinely shocked i am abt the amount of attention i recieved. when i started this blog it was just on a whim. i sat down one day and wrote 70+ posts in my drafts before i unprivated and started posting them. i never expected to get more than 10 followers tops but now, if u combine my followers here an on twitter i have over 70 an ill probably hit a hundred in the next couple months. its not a huge number but for me it honestly is. an then i started the server an got to talking with people an i was like wow! people actually really enjoy in content

i deal with a lot of, not shame but just embarrassment around writing super indulgent stuff because its like shit im really bearing my soul out here lol and also as my followers uve probably noticed a common trend of me taking ideas an expanding on them past just the porn aspect by adding plot or headcannons or trying to realistically come up with ideas of why characters would act in certain ways. so i guess im jus gonna explain why i do that

so first things first: i. actually im not that interested in sex. i mean i like masturbating and i like girls and i wouldnt turn it down its just in general im happy with myself an writing. ive honestly questioned if i was asexual for a long time but i dont like to be bogged down by labels so it just is what it is. my sexual fantasys that actually involve myself are usually me jus cuddling an kissing a girl thats literally about it LOL

so because of that i dont really like porn? or just straight up porn? i mean i DO i watch it on the daily an i love lookin at porn art but honestly i can never get off to it. the only thing that really does it for me tho is listening to [real] girls moaning thats hot as hell i would love to get a bitch beneath me jus to hear her sound like that

but for stuff like reading porn fics, unless its REALLY good i dont bother. most jus feel repetitive an boring. not shitting on other ppls writing thats usually completely fine its jus if its straight sex im not interested. bc im not really in it for the sex! im in it for i dont know how to explain it, the more psychological reasons? i enjoy reading about characters an thinking about why they would things and how putting them in different scenarios would make them change. im less interested in them as a character but rather what they represent.

when i say 'playing dolls' im completely serious.

so i get worried a lot that ppl wont like when i treat it like that because theyre usually so far removed from the actual homestuck elements that i try to avoid those aspects entirely which is cutting out a good chunk of content i make or want to make.

ah hmmm i feel like im gonna get misunderstood. SUDDEN SHIFT OF TOPIC! i am autistic obv which probably plays into why i view things so analytically. im not an emotional person at all despite how my typing style may be. i have a generally detached view of the world which definitely translates to my writing. but another thing i havent talked abt is im severely dyslexic. like bad bad. and it makes writing extraordinarily difficult because it heavily effects the way i think and how i put words together in a negative way. its like everything is completely disconnected and i have to figure out a way to put it together in a way that makes sense hence my sometimes over-convulted word choice, blunt writing and a distinct lack of pretty sentences, and the god awful amount of commas and run on sentences

it leads to me struggling really hard with getting the right words. i dont get writers block but i do get a sentence that looks wrong and leaves me sitting confused for 30 minutes to months at a time.

SO what im trying to say is im very. unconfident in my ability to words things in a way thats clear and well strung together ESPECIALLY in rants like this. i dont know what to do about that but im just putting it out there.

anyway. wow ive noticed this is getting so long lol yea i literally never shut up i have too many thoughts at all times BUT with all that being said i think its far enough down that most ppl stop reading but i wanted to talk abt a few of my longfics that ive honestly been too embarrassed to talk abt now that i have an active audience who actually enjoys my content bc 1. its not what most ppl come here for an 2. it makes me feel pretentious when i talk about it LOL

but if youve scrolled long enough through my blog youve probably seen me mentioned psychostriders au a few times. honestly I HATE IT!! I HATE THE AU AND THE ORIGINAL PREMISE IT SUCKS SOOOOO BAD. but also i love the general concept of murderers an kidnapping an torture etc etc. ive developed a few of my own versions of this au [sorry i cant stress this enough, the whole hitman thing is so fucking stupid. it sucks. severely.] one of which im actively writing and the others i have plans to do so one day.

THE REASON! i havent talked abt it is cause idk guys rnt my brand an ive kept it strider / john throughout all the fics. like i love john. hes my little lad, gender? beyond comprehension to others and himself. he/him lesbian vibes tbh but anyway the fics. arent about the characters. like you couldnt switch out the names with other characters and ive kept 'base' traits but honestly i dont know or really care how close it is to canon. all i DO care about is that its realistic in the situation and regarding the personalilites ive settled on.

but as ive said before these fics arent about the characters as characters but also it is but also the main part about them are the themes. the themes and the meanings and the psychological aspect behind their actions and the utter despair john goes through. im not writing these bc 'oh! this would b hot' cause i could go that whenever. i have a million other stories like that. im writing it because i have an abstract concept i want to look into and im simply using these characters to play the part and explore it

so i guess i just get worried abt talking abt that bc! its hugely self-indulgant and its not rlly abt the porn part. honestly the main fic [which is Scarlet Begonias] has few sex scenes scattered about, nothing in the first half. and god! i love this fic i love writing it and im still in the first drafting phase [i have everything written out in bullet points but i need to actually write it out. tho its only the ending chapters. after that ill get into my second draft.] and im so excited to one day have it written out. and its gonna be GOOD. im going to pour my heart and soul into it im going to rewrite it a hundred times until im satisfied and when im done im going to publish a second version with added authors commentary picking it apart.

it means a whole lot to me because its the culmination of everything i love to write about. but. idk i guess im jus worried abt being that personal now that i have an actual audience bc im a porn writer lol <- THATS NOT TO SAY i dont want to be seen as a porn writer or im annoyed by it bc its literally true but its like. thats my business and then the psychostrider stuff is my pleasure. i dont know if that metaphor makes sense LOL

but i just havent built my audience around this so i truly dont know how u guys would respond. i kind of want to jus never talk about it then one day drop the 50k beast out of nowhere but i have an issue that is 'talks too much' so idk idk

so um i the reason i wanted to talk abt this was i was clearing my drafts and one of the earliest drafts since the beginning of this blog has been me talkin abt the 3 psychostriders fics <- sick in the head fr

heres the post, its slightly dated but w/e:

scarlet begonias:

religion and what it means to be a sinner. concepts of morality and temptation

the motor works in an empty room:

motherhood and the idea of legacy. concepts of inability and paranoia

winter never comes:

self-identity and defiance of systems. concepts of deception and corruption

actually im gonna expand. so scarlet begonias is at its core a story about religious sin and the idea of repenting. what defines a sinner? who gets to punish them if god isnt doing it? is fate avoidable?

winter never comes is about what it means to have humanity. at what point is someone considered to have lost this? this is emphasized by johns fight to keep himself. emphasis on patterns and compliance vs rebellion

the motor works in an empty room is a story about cruelty. its about wanting to make a lasting impact, the relevancy of life, something that is unachievable by most and despised by those who get it.

other details:

motor john is virgin mary while winters john is mary magdelene

winter is a sci-fi dystopian

motors is the most brutal w direct violence / rape an unlike the others wont be done as a multi chapter fic but as a series of interconnected oneshots

these all have playlists an im so fuckin pumped to finish writing them JUST so i can show them LOL i fucking love making playlists and my music taste is actually banger

ok! thats it honestly i always feel a lot better when i write this stuff out. gonna post this an then never acknowledges its existance so if u read this far um good job i guess an have a nice day <33

I LOVE BAD ART

hiii im thyme (ze/zir/they/them), one of the 4 ppl w accces to this acct, and sry for spelling, im dysgraphic + actualy typing and not using speach-to-text like normal

ANYWAYS

i LOVE bad art, and i HATE when ppl get upset i say that!

i grew up w a lot of pressuer on me to be good, definetly in general, but also absolutly w art!! my mom was an artist, and i grew up VERY christian. everything i did reflected on god, and more importantly to my mom, on her.

she was so exited to have a kid who LOVED art and stuff like her, but i was never good enough. she would always tell everyone how good i was, how i was gifted by god, and how much i took after her. (she was v self centered and would majorly talk up anything that made her look good, yikes i know)

so ppl would be naturaly interested and exited to see! and then i would be forced to show them some art, which, keep in mind, was verry age appropriate and full of the generally goofy stuff i loved, and 9/10 they would be dissapointed. even if they werent my mom decided to constantly pressure me to do better.

this was really stressful obv, and i stopped drawing for the first time. when i got into middle school, i started again, this time not really ttelling my mom. i was happier, but had already had it impressed down onto me that my art had to be good to warrant existing or taking my time. i was v stressed by it, and as i slowly started to get more comfortable i was imedietly bombarded with competition.

i struggled to get better in the ways that seemed easy for anyone else, PDA kicked in as soon as i felt something NEEDED to be done, and i was compaird to everyone my age and younger and told how much better theye were.

i never wanted to make it a competition, i just wanted to have fun. i wanted to do something hands on that could express me better than my words ever could (undiagnosed autism at the time made me feel verry weird and thuroughly broken, and explaining that wo imedietly getting invalidating and patronizing answers simply did not happen)

i stoped drawing again. i changed schools and had a better art teacher. she wasnt a dick bout my art, but definetly acted overly suportev(possibly im anxiose and projecting past art trauma onto her lmao and she was just being normal, she was cool af tho). i starded drawing more, on and offf, and got REALLY depressed and burnt out. one of the ways it manifested was being unable to be creative.

but things did get better!!! got an autism diagnosis and educated myself more on my dysgraphia diagnosis(got in elementry school), came out, made freinds who brought me to queer music and caberet shows(tysm phoenix), and was able to move out!

as im now on my own, my art drive has rissen signifigantly, especily as im surounded by other art enjoying weirdos(complementary). but i still hate when someone says that my art is good or bad. constructive advice and support is always valued, but there are so many mediums and people and styles, how on earth do we judge that?? having to be good enough for everyone to warent my own existance and hobbies almost killed me, and sucked all of the joy out of my life.

ive seen people who got so happy to doodle, only to stop forever when someone makes a remark on skill with their age. ive seen family stop bc someone joked abt their stick figures or car drawings, because even if the joker didnt mean it outside of a goofy remark, the joke was meanspirited and ment to put the artist down. I HATE THIS??!?!

WHO DECIDES WHATS GOOD ENOUGH TO EXIST??? capitilism? christianity? the example of two dead ppl from history???

obviosly i dont fuck w that.

art is something made to express something, how are you going to take such a broad catagory and shove it into your biased and sad binary?

so i proudly call my art bad. as an ongoing rebelion against everyone who thought and thinks that something has to fit their binary of goodto exist. i say bd to help myself unlearn the shitty things that were pushed onto me, and as a way of saying i dont have to be anyone's good to warent my own joy.

some ppl will cut in here, theyll tell me not to talk badly about myself (im not). theyl say even if i dont mean it bad, my brain will internalize it as a negative(i dont think that applies here?) or theyll spew some capitlistic bs (HUH, GUESS HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT.)

no hate to others reclaiming their art and love for it in different ways,this is just how it works for me. in in my art vocabulary, bad means not locking itself into the harsh expectations of good, and i find that incredibly freeing :)