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genericpuff · 5 months

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All That Glitters is Not Feminism - An Analysis of LO's Brand of "Feminism" and What Remains of its Fanbase (The Twist)

Alright y'all, I've been waiting a hot minute to talk about this because I wanted to see how it fully panned out before saying anything about it. And it's not even specifically about LO, but I do think it's very adjacent to it in a way that I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear. Much of it speaks to how we prop up white writers even at the expense of POC.

This is 'the twist' attached to my first post that I made just a couple hours ago that concerns an entirely other topic but I feel ties into this subject very well.

If you haven't heard, there's this author who recently fucked around in the Del Rey publishing scene.

Her name is Cait Corrain.

In the original tweet calling this person out, names were not dropped, but it was made very clear that what Cait did was unacceptable behavior.

You can read the entire thread that started it all from Xiran here:

There's also a GREAT recap thread from one of the affected authors, Bethany Baptiste:

I want to make it clear that Cait Corrain isn't just a debut author.

Cait Corrain is - or now, was (foreshadowing is a literary device that-) - a debut author who had an agent, a publishing deal with Del Rey (an imprint of Random House which is a MAJOR publisher) and even an upcoming Illumicrate deal - meaning, her book was going to be packaged in a monthly loot crate subscription shipped directly to people's doors, quite possibly one of the best marketing deals a debut author could ever get, usually unheard of in this industry. All the pre-reviews were strong and positive.

Cait's book was literally set up for success. All she had to do was sit back, relax, and watch the fruits of her labors roll in. She had written the book. It was ready for release. The hard part was technically over.

But I guess the racism brainrot got to her because as it turns out, since April - for EIGHT MONTHS - she's been making alternate accounts on GoodReads to review bomb the indie and debut works of her friends and peers, most of whom were POC and did not have the same opportunities set up for them as she did. There are loads of receipts to back this up that you can find in those above threads ^^^

To say that this is appalling is an understatement. This was an intentional and deliberate act of racism by a white queer writer who claimed to be "jealous" - of what, I can't imagine - so much so that she deliberately sabotaged her peers, people who had supported her and her book.

And then when she got caught? She doubled down on it and claimed it was a "friend", also an alternate account she made up.

The exchange between her and this made-up person is actually the funniest shit out of this entire thing, it's so poorly written and as soon as people noticed the time stamps were out of order, that was when it truly cemented her newfound clown status.

"oooooh he's standing right behind me, isn't he?" energy right here LMAO

yes keep expositing cait, that's really selling the "this is a genuine conversation that really happened with a real person" bit 🤡

Anyways, it became abundantly clear that Cait was just going to continue to dig her heels in over something she caused.

This has been a hot topic in the UnpopularLO Discord, not just because of how crazy of a situation it is that we had to talk about it - and we have people within the community who work in the literature and media sector - but because we noticed one very telling thing in the list of series that she had review bombed in her very own personal act of wrath.

You see, Cait made one fundamental mistake that led to her undoing - she didn't just review bomb the works of her peers, she positively reviewed her own book and others.

What's her book about though?

It's an Ariadne x Dionysus retelling set in space.

It's literally another "modern retelling" of Greek myth.

And wouldn't you know it, guess who else created a modern retelling of Greek myth that she included in her positive review raiding while she was sabotaging the work of her actual peers?

Now, I think it goes without saying that what I'm about to say should be taken with MOUNTAINS of salt, I'm sure a lot of you are reading the headline and going, "Ugh, really? You're gonna make this about LO? Could you give it a rest already???"

I need you to understand, with the current state of Rachel's fanbase and 'modern' Greek myth literature as a whole, at this point Lore Olympus - and the works that are literally inspired by it such as A Touch of Darkness - has basically become the shopping cart litmus test of basic decency. It's like when someone says they like Harry Potter - you can't take it automatically at good faith anymore, because there isn't a whole lot separating someone who simply liked Harry Potter as a kid and still rewatches the movies from time to time from someone who fully supports the politics and agenda of J.K. Rowling. No, not everyone who still watches the movies or reads the books fondly is a TERF by default, but it's justifiably a reason for suspicion when the consequences are often too dire to risk.

There's this thing that's been happening in the LO fanbase that I frankly saw coming, but has really recently started to hit its peak. It's what I call the "Kanye Effect", where the comic has become so absurd and backwards in its misogyny and white feminism that the only people who seem to be left supporting LO are the people who are legitimate white feminists and misogynists - because all the normal level-headed people fell off the comic ages ago (or transitioned into the critical side of the community).

I mentioned it in my last post, but it bears repeating - Rachel's fanbase has literally been shipping Hera, a victim of abuse, with her abuser, Kronos. I'm really hoping a lot of them realize how fucked up that is now that Hera herself has called it what it is - abuse - within the comic, but I also can't count on the LO fanbase picking up on that or even noticing it with how quickly people swipe through it each week, it's very apparent at this point that most of LO's readers don't know how to chew their food and don't pay attention when Persephone and Hades aren't onscreen.

But I'm digressing. Or am I? We're talking about Crown of Starlight after all. The debut Dionysus x Ariadne sci-fi/fantasy romance that was quite literally advertised using Lore Olympus as its baseline-

This. This is what the ongoing cultural erasure and white feminist uwu-fication of Greek myth is doing to the literary zeitgeist surrounding Greek myth as a whole. This is why we criticize Lore Olympus and works like it that are created by disingenuous people who only seek to use the assets of Greek myth material as a way to shoot themselves up into fame and stardom. This is why we demand better standards in the literature and webcomic industry, so that people like Rachel and Cait can't use their privileges to quite literally erase the source material that they used to make themselves famous in the first place.

If anything, Cait's actions didn't just affect the people she negatively review bombed, or the people she was affiliated with, but also the people she positively reviewed. While I don't support what Rachel creates, she wasn't the only one who Cait went out of her way to review positively from her alt accounts, there were many others as evident in the Google Doc - but all this really does is tarnish the legitimacy of these books and their ratings by artificially jacking up their numbers that are advertised to others.

Making Greek myth fanfiction or fun creative retellings was never the problem, but it's now being sabotaged alongside so many other genres and mediums by toxic white individuals who can't even keep themselves from committing hate crimes, let alone create something purely for entertainment that's transparent in its illegitimacy, lest it destroy the illusion that these people are qualified to speak over those whose voices are being stifled, often by these very same people. Many of these writers get caught and are still allowed to continue what they're doing - that was certainly what we feared with Cait.

Until today.

It was revealed today that Cait's book will no longer be featured in the Illumicrate May 2024 box.

Del Rey has dropped Crown of Starlight from their publishing schedule.

Daphne Press will be hopefully following suit.

And, most telling of all, Cait's own agent has severed ties with her.

For anyone not familiar with the inner workings of the publishing industry, Cait has essentially been blacklisted. Without an agent or a publishing house, she'll have to entirely rely on her own resources through self-publishing. Unless she manages to sneak her way back in under an alias (which I wouldn't put it past her to try) she no longer has access to the mainstream publishing industry that was already guaranteed for her before she let her 'jealousy' get the better of her.

Her career was already made for her. She had a red carpet laid out for her debut. Her book was getting good pre-reviews and she had quite literally nothing keeping her from her success. The best thing she could have done was nothing. Somewhere in her head, she made up a threat that didn't exist, and sealed her fate in acting on it, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I think in these situations such as with Cait Corrain, Rachel Smythe, and - also recently and relevant - James Somerton, we need to become increasingly aware of how white voices are still overpowering POC voices, not just in their actions, but in the opportunities they're given over others which they then use to further stifle the voices of those they feel "threatened" by or feel entitled to speak over. While neither James nor Rachel have used sock puppet accounts to "take out the competition" (at least as far as we know lmao) James did quite literally steal the words and voices of queer writers who were deserving of their time in the spotlight, and Rachel's work is being quoted as "rewriting Greek myth" as if its blatant gentrification and appropriation should be marketed as some sort of positive.

It's all too common for these deeply-rooted prejudices to rear their ugly heads and for the people who carry them to act out in this way while justifying it as "jealousy" or "a mistake". This isn't jealousy. This isn't a mistake. This isn't someone "starting drama". This is genuine, targeted hate, with the intention of snuffing out the voices of others who should be empowered, not silenced.

All that time and effort, and for what? Racism and petty jealousy? It just goes to show, it doesn't matter how many opportunities you're given, how high up on the ladder you already are - it won't fix the deeply-rooted insecurity and racial pettiness that spurs people on to do such horrible things.

I've spent enough of my time and words today talking about Cait, and James, and Rachel. So to end this off, I want to join in with all the others who have highlighted the books that were review-bombed by Cait, and help in uplifting them so they can have successful debuts. I'll be pre-ordering a few of them, so I'll be happy to make dedicated posts for them in the future after they release. Please consider purchasing them for yourself if you want some new reading material <3

The Poisons We Drink by Bethany Baptiste:

So Let Them Burn by Kamilah Cole:

To Gaze Upon Wicked Gods by Molly X Chang:

Mistress of Lies by K.M. Enright

Voyage of the Damned by Frances White:

(I'm sure there are plenty others so if I missed any here, please let me know so I can add them here and check out their books!)

If there's any silver lining to this, I hope that it makes people aware of the media they consume and who it's being created by. I hope it makes people more willing to seek out the books that aren't getting the same opportunities as Cait Corrain and Rachel Smythe. I hope it's a wake-up call to the industry that matters like this need to be taken seriously and that POC writers are still being silenced under their own noses. And most of all, I hope it's a reminder that we shouldn't even need at this point that this behavior is not okay, no matter what level a person climbs to - that just because someone is part of one minority doesn't mean they're not capable of sabotaging another. It sucks that that has to be said, it sucks that despite these groups being so intersectional there are still people within them who submit to their deeply-rooted insecurities and find ways to feel threatened that they use to justify hateful behavior.

Having a platform is a privilege. It should never be weaponized against your own peers or those who you simply feel "threatened" by for no reason beyond your own imposter syndrome or doubts or internal struggles. Because as much as you may feel like you've earned where you are, that never gives you the right to weaponize your opportunities against others who were never given those same opportunities in the first place. "Feminism" is not using your power to crush "other women". "Progressiveness" is not exclusive to the progress that only benefits you.

I wish only the best to those who were affected by the actions of Cait Corrain. You deserve to be heard and seen and appreciated for the work you do and the abuse you've had to tolerate. I look forward to your debuts in 2024 <3

#cait corrain #support POC writers #crown of starlight #the poisons we drink #so let them burn #the voyage of the damned #mistress of lies #say isn't it funny how all the debut books cait tried to sabotage accurately describe her and her actions LOL #that's what we call irony #debut authors 2024 #booktok #webtoon critical #lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus

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pseudowho · 24 days

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Higuruma Hiromi Masterlist

REQUESTS CLOSED!

Updated: 26th April 2024

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🔥 Smut. 💔 Angst 💕 Romance

☕ Comfort/Fluff 🤡 Clowning

🐙 Monsterfucking. 📚 Education (*dirty laugh*)

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Behind the Wall 🔥💕-- a desperate Higuruma visits your glory hole

Calamus et Gladius (the pen and the sword) 🔥💕💔☕-- slow-burn, enemies to lovers Culling Game smut with Higuruma and a foreign reader

Cunt-Drunk 💕🔥-- Hiromi goes out for work-drinks and karaoke...and comes home feral.

Daddy 🔥☕💕-- dating apps are a hazard for men like Higuruma Hiromi...

Debellatio 🔥💕-- a Higuruma x Reader x Nanami sex-pollen threesome

Domestic Bliss series--

#1 Fire Alarm #2 Storm #3 Dishcloth

Fellatio 🔥-- the bathtub lawyer receives head in his office.

Fumus et Ignis 🔥💕-- sometimes, Hiromi smokes and ties you up while he makes you ride him.

Glory Glory 🔥☕-- 'Help, I'm Stuck!' with Hiromi, two bottles of wine and a compromising position with his gavel.

Hiromi and Nemo ☕-- tales of Higuruma Hiromi, and his little black cat.

Hiromi Higuruma Relationship Headcanons ☕🔥💕

In Flagrante Delicto 💔☕🔥💕-- Higuruma struggles to adapt to life as a sorcerer, refusing all of your offers to help...until he needs you.

"I've Committed a Crime" Ask and Drabble 🤡💕-- Higuruma is a ruthless tease

Jus in Bello: A Judicious Domain 💔🔥💕-- The reader throws Higuruma out of their home after they struggle to adapt to his new Cursed power...and the reader must then hunt him down in the Culling Game, to bring him home.

Men with Big Noses 🔥💕-- you reveal a kink for Higuruma's nose, and he shows you exactly what he can do with that.

Milk and Honey 💕🔥-- Hiromi is obsessed with your milk, and loves you while you sleep.

Office Besties ☕💕-- Hiromi and you are just friends...right?

Sanguis et Vinum 🔥💕-- period sex with Higuruma

Shower drabble ☕💕-- Higuruma comforts you after a bad day.

The Stairwell 🔥💕-- You've been teasing Higuruma all day at the office; he catches up to you, eventually.

Vinum Rubrum 🔥💕-- wine is better when you share a glass...and your mouths.

The Stacks 🔥💕☕-- spending all night with your college/university rival at the library, doesn't go exactly as you'd planned...

The Widow's Keeper ☕💔💕-- The reader and Higuruma traverse the complexities of love and grief, after the death of Nanami Kento, her first husband.

"Your Honour" Ask and Drabble 💕🤡🔥-- Hiromi forgets your name as he cums.

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alaskasmonsters · 1 year

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𝖆 𝖇𝖔𝖜𝖑 𝖔𝖋 𝖗𝖔𝖈𝖐 𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖞 | 𝖕𝖙. 2 (gojo satoru)

pairing: gojo satoru x gn!reader

content: reader has amnesia, pining, oblivious reader, not actually unrequited feelings, misunderstanding, clown behaviour (gojo IS in it after all), fluff, gojo being a softie

w/c: 7.069

summary: your amnesia still wasn't getting better and your confusing feelings for satoru, a man you didn't even remember, didn't help at all. and why did he keep acting so...weird?

a/n: happy april fools! instead of pranking you with a not funny joke like the majority of the internet i decided to give you a gift! the second part you’ve been waiting for for months haha…🥲 i hope the word count makes up for it a little as this did end up long!! i completely underestimated how much work this would be so forgive me for the v long wait 🙏🙏 i hope i didn’t forget to tag anybody!!this time i also can finally say that this is being posted on April fools because gojo is a jOKE! peace and love on planet earth ❤️ alsoo i coloured the header myself as a little extra hehe.

part 1

So. You were in love with Satoru. No biggie.

You had fallen in love before, maybe even times that lay beyond the reach of your current memories. Loves that weren’t him. Loves that had been lost in the darkness of the six years you couldn’t remember anymore. Years that you feared you would never get back again.

Six years.

You stared back at the reflection in your mirror, hands absentmindedly picking at your hair. You’ve been trying to make it look nice for the past half an hour but whenever you felt like you were happy enough with how it looked you made up your mind and started tugging at it again.

You just couldn’t decide how to wear it, whether to smooth it down or mess it up, or maybe use any product. You couldn’t remember how you used to wear it. This haircut wasn’t familiar to you. Hell, not even your face was familiar to you. Your cheeks used to be rounder, your eyebags weren't as prominent before and you couldn’t tell whether you looked tired or you were just growing old.

“26 isn’t old, you dork”, is what Satoru had told you when you had complained to him about it. It was, though, when you couldn’t remember anything past twenty.

You sighed, dropping your head against the glass of your bathroom mirror, the glass fogging where your warm breath hit it.

Yeah, that you were in love with a man you couldn’t remember was only the tip of the iceberg your ‘life-past-amnesia’ ship was steadily heading towards. It was already a mess by itself, sure, but things were worse, way worse than they seemed at first glance. At least they were in this new life that included curses and amnesia spells.

It wasn’t just that you didn’t remember Satoru. Not how you’ve met or how you’ve fallen in love with him. All the moments that had slowly tipped you over the edge or maybe. Maybe there was only one moment that had made you fall for him. Brutal and quick, like a punch to the face. You had a few pictures, the doodle and the promise of the bowl of rock candy. The candy that you were allergic to but Satoru loved. Candy you probably bought just for him to grab handfuls of it and stuff it into his pockets when he came over to visit. 26-year-old you must be helplessly in love.

The tip of the iceberg though? You didn’t think Satoru returned your feelings. Or the 26-year-old you's feelings at least. Considering how he’s behaved after finding out about your amnesia you were certain that the man only saw you as a friend. Sure, maybe he’s been trying to distance himself from you emotionally, because you not remembering him was hard for him, but that didn’t mean anything. After all, if Satoru felt the same way, if the both of you had been more than friends…wouldn’t he have told you?

Yeah, he was very strict with the “Don’t tell Y/N anything about the past 6 years” rule but certainly, this would be an exception.

Which meant your love wasn’t just helpless, but also unrequited.

You sighed, burying your fingers in your hair again and suppressing the need to rip your hair out.

26-year-old you was such a loser.

You gave yourself a minute to grieve the loss of your nonexistent coolness, then you straightened up again, carding your fingers through your hair to fix the mess you just created.

You’ve been losing your mind about this issue for way too long already. It’s like you couldn’t think about anything else anymore but Satoru and your feelings for him. Which was ridiculous. You hadn’t been able to stop thinking about this since last week when you’d first realized that you had liked him, back in your living room when he’d confirmed to you that it was him who drew that ugly sketch for you, the one that looked like the drawing of a child.

Well…it wasn’t ugly…it was kinda cute. Knowing him you could imagine he was doing it to annoy you…or maybe because he tried to make you laugh? When thinking of the little sticky note you could almost picture his wide grin and the way he must have praised himself for drawing such a wonderful masterpiece just for you. Maybe he’d poked your cheek and made fun of your annoyed expression. Maybe he had kissed your cheek right after you’d told him to stop being a menace, giggling against your skin, breath warm and tickl…

Not that he’d done that before. Kiss your cheek. Why did you picture him doing that?

You shook yourself out of your thoughts. This was getting pathetic. Now that you remembered your feelings for him it was almost like they were trying to rush back into your body, like a wave being pulled back to land with force. And with the feelings, the wishful thinking, the yearning, came.

Not that any of it was real. Your feelings were just a projection of your subconsciousness because you knew you were supposed to have them! And your thoughts were just you being a hopeless romantic, imagining sweet moments between you and Satoru that never happened.

You barely knew the man. After all, it's been three weeks now, since that day you’ve woken up without your memories. Three weeks. And nothing. Your memories hadn’t returned and you were unable to recall anything from the past 6 years. There was only this stupid feeling of deja-vu you had when Satoru had shown you his eyes and the instinct to call him by his first name when you scolded him. And now those lingering romantic feelings.

But that didn’t count. It was not enough.

Why did you like Satoru? Why were you in love with him? You wanted to know so badly you felt like you were going insane. It couldn’t be just because he was pretty, right? You weren’t that shallow, right?

Not that he hadn’t displayed any good qualities so far. He was funny and attentive, he knew your favourite foods and paid attention to what you told him. At the same time he was one of the most annoying people you remember ever meeting and a little infuriating about 50 percent of the time…okay maybe more like 70 percent. And he thought it was funny, too, when he was being an annoying asshole. He always laughed at your sour expression.

But…his laugh was kind of cute. Even if he was being a prick, you couldn’t stay mad at him for long when you heard him laugh because he kind of snorted when he did and it was ador…Stop.

You grit your teeth and spun around to leave your bathroom. You’ve been spending way too much in there trying to fix your hair, anyway. You were starting to behave weirdly, thinking about Satoru’s laugh and his eyes and his everything.

Fuck. This was bad. Were you actually in love with him now? Not 26-year-old you. But this you. Even without your memories of him? Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

You stomped through your bedroom, glancing at the clock on your nightstand, the time reading 2:30 PM, before ripping open your closet. You had another 10 minutes. You can’t believe you’ve wasted so much time just being distracted with your hair and thoughts. You were sure that when you had entered the bathroom it had only been around 2 PM.

You quickly grabbed some pants and a shirt, deeming both acceptable before slipping into them, almost stumbling over your feet as you tried to climb into the pants and then almost hitting your elbow against the closet door as you pulled your shirt over your head. One look in the mirror and you pulled the shirt over your head again. It looked stupid. Not a good fit with the pants.

You started rummaging through your closet again, internally scolding yourself for even bothering that much. You were only going out to grab food with Satoru. It wasn’t a big deal, you were sure you’d done that all the time.

Satoru had told you he’d pick you up. He hadn’t told you where you were going because it was supposed to be a “surprise” but knowing him it wouldn’t be anything too fancy. At least you hoped it wasn’t. He would have told you if it was, right?

You stopped and looked down at your pants. They would work, right?

You shook your head. Again. You did that a lot now.

You finally decided on a button-up shirt, a little bit too big on you but the material was soft and it looked good. You had to roll up the sleeves a little but then you only had to slip into some shoes and you were ready.

Just in time, because that was the moment you heard your front door open and Satoru’s voice calling your name in a sing-song voice.

You groaned, having half a mind to stomp out of your bedroom and throw him out of your apartment.

“Just because you have a key doesn’t mean you can just come in!” You called through your closed bedroom door – you had expected him to wander into your apartment unannounced.

His laugh was just as cute when the door’s wood muffled it.

“I told you I would be here by 2:30, Yn-chan. I’m on time!”

You looked back at the clock to find he was right. He was on time. Didn’t mean he didn’t have to knock. This was your apartment, after all. He didn’t live here.

You looked at yourself in the mirror one more time, giving your outfit a once-over and letting your fingers smooth down your hair one more time before you opened your door and stepped out of your room.

“One day you’re gonna walk in on me naked and you will not survive that because I will kill you,” you scolded Satoru, waving your finger at him in a warning.

The man just snickered at your comment, grinning widely as his eyes fell on you. His eyes were neatly hidden behind his sunglasses yet again. Still, you didn’t miss the way they looked you over, studying you with badly concealed amusement.

You frowned, tensing. Did you look weird?

“Any special occurrence I don’t know about?” Satoru asked innocently, cocking his head at you.

You blinked. “What? Why?”

He didn’t answer immediately but his grin didn’t waver.

You looked down at your outfit again, wondering if it was too fancy. You knew this wasn’t a date or anything but you couldn’t help but put a little effort into your looks. Maybe it was a little more than you’d usually wear but you didn’t think it was too on the nose.

When you didn’t seem to understand what Satoru was referring to he took pity on you and stepped closer.

“Where did you get the shirt from?” He asked, tone light, as he reached out to tug at our sleeve.

You looked down at it, wondering why he wanted to know so badly. The shirt looked like any other. There was nothing really special about it. Maybe it was a little bigger on you but you had plenty of oversized clothes.

“I don’t know. My closet.” You shrugged.

Satoru rolled his eyes beneath his glasses.

“Try to remember!” he insisted, tapping your forehead.

You sighed, tired of this specific game. Still, you knew you had no choice but to indulge him. He was only trying to help you, after all.

“A gift,” you suggested.

Satoru smiled.

“Very good.”

“Really?” you asked, surprised but excited.

He hummed. “It used to be mine.”

You felt your cheeks heat up. Well…that was something.

“And you gave it to me? Why?”

Satoru cocked his head to the side, looking at you expectantly.

You groaned and hit his arm lightly. “I don’t know! Just tell me.”

The grin that snuck on his face was mischievous with an edge of…something. Something that made you feel a little dizzy. When he answered his voice was deeper than before, an edge of huskiness to it.

“You look cuter in it than I do, Yn-chan.”

You caught yourself before your mouth could drop open, and you could do something stupid like actually swoon. Instead, you scoffed and turned your back to him, pretending to reach for your bag, giving you an opportunity to hide your reddening face from his prying eyes.

Why did he have to say it like that? Was he trying to be a little shit?

Satoru chuckled as if he knew what you were doing. It didn’t help at all with the warmth in your cheeks. You grind your teeth as you slung your bag over your shoulder, then decide against it, only grabbing your keys and wallet to stuff into the pocket of your jacket. You let out a quiet breath to collect yourself before turning back towards the man. He waited patiently with a small grin on his lips.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

You hummed and moved past him to step towards the door. You reached for the handle, then you paused. Feeling Satoru’s gaze linger at the back of your head, you touched a hand to your hair again, fiddling with a strand in the back you felt was not sitting right.

Your lip jutted out in frustration and you had half a mind to excuse yourself to the bathroom to return to your earlier attempt at making your hair sit okay. Before you could do it, you heard Satoru approaching.

Turning back, the apology you were about to mutter died on your tongue as you saw him leaning over you. His expression was serious as he caught your wrist between your fingers and moved your hand to the side before he started softly moving his fingers through your hair instead. You froze, standing still as he combed down once, twice, giving a harsh tug to one of your strands before he pulled back with a satisfied smile.

“Here we go. What would you do without me?”

His voice sounded so so soft.

You swallowed, trying to calm your fluttering heart down as you blinked up at the man who was regarding you with warm eyes. Oh no, oh no no no. 26-year-old you had a point. They had a good point.

“Does it…look better?” You asked nervously, your hand moving up to touch your hair carefully before Satoru batted it away and chided you for trying to mess with his good work.

You glared at him, knowing full well your gaze had lost its heat, and he just chuckled.

“Your hair looks beautiful as always, Y/n chan, I just helped improve it,” he soothed you, waving his hand with a silly grin.

You bit your lip, averting your gaze.

“I guess it’s just different from what I remember.”

He hummed noncommittally. Then he opened the door wide, waving his other hand to motion you to go first. The crooked smile resting on his face at that moment did not leave your mind all night.

—

“You’re such a chicken, Yn-cha,” Satoru teased.

You gasped, offended. “Am not!”

He poked your cheek with a soft chuckle. “Such a chicken!”

You batted his hand away, contemplating for a second if you should just bite it. You had quickly noticed that Satoru drove one to measurements like those. Would you ever consider biting anyone else’s hand? No, not in a million years. But the man was so infuriating sometimes it just awoke this urge in you.

Satoru grinned like he knew exactly what you had thought, wiggling his fingers in the air between you as if to dare you to do it. Sometimes it really seemed like he could read your mind. You blamed it on your apparently close friendship before the whole amnesia thing.

When you didn’t actually attempt to sink your teeth into his skin he let his hand fall to the side and stuck out his tongue. You punched his arm with a huff, leading him to let out a dramatic whine.

You couldn’t believe you actually liked this dork. It was still a mystery to you, even now that you’ve finally accepted your fate. After the not-date, it was hard not to. The night wasn’t very eventful, you had only visited a little ice cream parlour and walked around the city a little.

Satoru had been an absolute menace and dragged you into all kinds of souvenir shops – like he didn’t live here in Tokyo…

But he’d been funny and charming despite everything. He had opened doors for you and had insisted you linked your arms together. “So I don’t lose you,” he had joked but it had sent butterflies fluttering through your stomach regardless. You had even ended up sharing a milkshake because Satoru had insisted.

It had felt like a date. It really had. But it couldn’t have been. Satoru would have told you. If there was anything going on between the two of you he would tell you. He wouldn’t keep something as big as you two being in a relationship to himself. Amnesia rules be damned.

But even if it wasn’t a date, it had only made you understand 26-year-old you’s affection towards him more. How were you meant to not fall in love with Satoru if that was how he treated you all the time?

Didn’t mean you could let him know about that, though.

The man was still pestering you, digging his finger into your side and making you squeal and squirm away.

“Come on, tell me,” he urged you with a whine, “Who is the better-looking sorcerer? Me, and you know you want to tell me, you have to follow your heart, or boring businessman Nanami?”

Yeah…that was what Satoru has been annoying you about for the last five minutes on your way to Shoko’s office. Five minutes. And only because you had passed Nanami on your way there and Satoru had noticed your eyes following the man after he had nodded politely at you in greeting and given Satoru a deadpan stare before he walked past you.

Since then Satoru was relentless in his quest to find out if you thought Nanami was more attractive than him because well…Satoru was a menace. And his ego was apparently very fragile.

“And I told you, I cannot answer this question honestly because your ego wouldn’t survive the fall, now cut it out, you big baby,” you teased him and pushed his hand away.

Satoru shook his head, not ready to give up yet. If the shit-eating grin on his face was anything to go by.

“You’re such a chicken, Yn-chan. You’re just too embarrassed to admit how attractive you think I am. You think I’m gorgeous. It’s okay to admit I am the most handsome guy you’ve ever seen.”

You rolled your eyes, hating that he was right. Nanami was a very attractive man. Unfortunately, you’ve found yourself more drawn to pretty men with gorgeous eyes and annoying personalities and an ego the size of all of Tokyo. Skill issue on your part.

“Sure, that’s it,” you deadpanned and Satoru hummed with delight.

“Admitting this takes strength, I know.” He gave a solemn nod and reached to pat your shoulder but you shoved him and sent him stumbling to the side, laughing.

You had to hide your smile.

You arrived at Shoko’s office only a little bit later. Satoru knocked but barely waited until the woman told them to come in before pushing the door open and sticking his head through the gap, giving a cheerful greeting.

You heard Shoko groan before being dragged into the office by Satoru, his grip around your shoulder as he pulled you in front of him. The woman’s features softened at your sight, the lines in her forehead smoothing out again. You waved at her with a small smile, understanding the annoyance Satoru was able to awaken in people.

“I’ll leave them in your hands,” Satoru announced, grabbing both your shoulders and pushing you forward like a mother presenting her child.

“They’re not a child, you idiot,” Shoko sighed.

The man’s only reply was a smile, as he patted your shoulders innocently. You glared at him and called him a jerk and Satoru laughed. Before he finally let go of you again he gave your shoulders a squeeze as if to ensure you he’d be back, then he retracted towards the door.

“Remember! No memory discussion! Alright, bye. I’ll pick you up in an hour.” He waved at both of you before slipping out of the office and closing the door behind him.

“I feel like I was just handed off to daycare,” you sighed and Shoko snickered.

“He’s very protective of you.” She said it in a voice that sounded neither like she was excusing his behaviour nor like she was scolding him. “Could be less annoying about it, though.”

You hummed in agreement, taking a seat on the small sofa in the corner of the room. Shoko watched you quietly from where she was sitting behind her desk, tapping her fingers against the wood.

“I can imagine you’re getting frustrated by being asked this so much, but do you remember anything yet?”

You sighed, having expected that question. It’s been almost a month, after all. You knew that this was probably going on longer than any of them had expected. “No? I mean. Other than a few deja vus, if that counts.”

She nodded, staring thoughtfully at the screen of her computer.

“Any other symptoms? Headaches? Nausea? Blackouts? Any physical pain? More tired than usual? Numbness?”

You shook your head, a small smile on your lips. “No, Doctor, no other symptoms.”

Shoko blinked, looking taken aback. Her eyes darted back towards you, then she burst out into quiet laughter.

You frowned, confused.

“You’re still calling me out even without your memories,” She mused to herself when she calmed down, “Can’t help it, really.”

You leaned back into the cushions of the couch, feeling warm at the sound of Shoko’s laugh. For some reason, you felt incredibly pleased.

“So you do this a lot then. Turn on the doctor mode,” you asked her with a teasing tone, wondering if you could get any information out of her without Satoru being around to shush her.

She rolled her eyes.

“You complain about me mothering you too much when you get sick. But wouldn’t have to if you weren’t such a difficult patient.”

You lightened up, grinning. “Mh, yeah, I like to ignore my illnesses until they go away.”

Shoko gave you an unimpressed look, seemingly displeased by how unashamed you were about it. You just shrugged. The woman decided to let it go, only muttering something to herself you couldn’t hear from the distance but were sure was about you being a brat.

“Has Satoru been pestering you a lot about the memory thing? I bet he is, that idiot.”

Your smile fell.

“No, actually, he barely asks about it,” you admitted, your eyes falling to your lap. “I feel like he’s pretending to be less bothered by it than he actually is.”

“Oh?” Shoko asked, but she didn’t sound surprised by your observation at all.

You narrowed your eyes at her. “You know.”

“Why Satoru is holding you at arm’s length? Take a guess.”

“I don’t know. I barely know him.”

Shoko shook her head, raising an eyebrow at you.

“You know him quite well. You just don’t remember. At least consciously.”

You frowned, sitting up. “What do you mean?”

Shoko leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, regarding you with a calm gaze.

“You said you were having deja vus?”

You nodded, telling her about when you had called Satoru by his first name for the first time and the feeling you’ve had when the man had pulled off his glasses and showed you his eyes. How you’d felt like it hadn’t been the first time.

That last part brought an amused smile to the women’s lips. “Of course, he’d try to copy that.”

You perked up at her words. “So that did happen before!”

Shoko hummed. “Which just proves my suspicions. Subconsciously you still remember the past six years.” She raised her hand and motioned towards you. “You instinctively know how to engage with your environment and with the people you are close friends with. You recognise familiar situations and you still seem to feel the same way towards us. You just fail to consciously access your memories.”

You frowned, not quite understanding what the woman was saying. Were feelings connected to memories? Could you being in love with Satoru be a sign that your memories weren’t as removed as you had first suspected?

Shoko, who noticed your confusion, explained further, “Y/n, I remember when you first got here. It took you months until you opened up to us more and started warming up to Satoru. Even though you are now affected by amnesia you didn’t revert back to that state. You still act as you did a month ago before you lost your memories.”

So the loss of memories wasn’t really the issue, you just couldn’t access them.

“So…what do you think I should do?”

She shrugged. “Trust your instincts.”

You sighed. Right. Your instincts. Like you could trust them when they were so ridden with your wistful yearning. What if you told Shoko that your instincts were screaming at you to wrap your arms around Satoru, bury your head in his chest and stay there? That your instincts were screaming at you to grab his face and kiss him. That your instincts were telling you that the two of you should be dating and that it was unfair how you were stuck with those feelings instead of 26-year-old you who actually knew how to deal with them.

Shoko clicked her tongue and let out a snort, making you look up with panic. Had you said any of that out loud?

“What?”

She shook her head. “I can’t believe that jerk pulled the eye move but not that stupid hand thing with Infinity on you.”

“Infinity?” you questioned, feeling like the word felt familiar to you.

“It’s one of his curse techniques.” Shoko looked up to the ceiling, pursing her lips.

Then she started to explain to you, as simply as possible, what Infinity was and how it worked. You listened to her with wide eyes, feeling yourself grow a little dizzy.

“Infinity?” You echoed.

“Infinity.” Shoko repeated again, raising an eyebrow at your pale face. “I know you don’t remember anymore but there is no need to look so terrified.”

“So no one…can touch him?”

“Without his permission, yes. The jerk turns it off sometimes when he pleases.” She rolled her eyes.

At your silence she turns to you, a frown twisted her face. “What is wrong?”

“I just…we’re kind of touching all the time.”

Shoko gave you a look and you blushed, cheeks exploding in warmth. That sounded…not like you had wanted it to sound.

“No…not like that, it’s just- casual, I guess. But…”

Shoko grinned. “I see.” Then she burst out into laughter.

You felt yourself blushing even more, lips jutting out in a pout. “What’s so funny?”

“The asshole always turns it off around you. It’s probably subconscious at this point.”

You blinked. “He does?”

Shoko lifted a brow, giving you an amused look. “Surprised?”

“I- of course!”

Why wouldn’t you be? You wouldn’t put it past Satoru to turn on Infinity whenever you hit his arm or shove him just to annoy you.

Shoko just shrugged, eyes twinkling with mirth as she told you, “Some motivation to remember I guess.”

“Shoko!” You whined.

The woman just chuckled again. “You could try to surprise him. Touch him when he doesn’t suspect it. Just to test the theory.”

Yeah…maybe you’d do that.

—

You sighed, watching Satoru empty the bowl of rock candy you’d just restocked the other day, grabbing a handful of them before throwing himself back down on the couch. Your eyes followed his fingers as he skillfully unwrapped each candy with one hand before Satoru stuffed them into his mouth. He hummed appreciatively every time.

You couldn’t believe a 26-year-old you was so desperately in love with him to be indulging this behaviour.

“I didn’t stock them up just for you to eat all of it within a day.”

Satoru turned his head a little in your direction but his glasses were hiding his intended side-eye.

“But you got them for me, didn’t you?”

He grinned as you stayed silent, knowing he’s seen right through you.

“You’re so sweet, Y/n-chan.”

You huffed. “Shut up. Who says I got them for you?”

“You’re allergic and as you’ve said before I am the only one who’s shown up to your apartment the past few weeks. Who else would you get them for?”

You leaned back in the chair, eyes resting on the bowl on your desk. “My secret boyfriend obviously.”

Satoru hummed. “I thought you came to the conclusion he didn’t exist.”

You bit your lips, glad he has turned with his back towards you again so he couldn’t see your conflicted expression. Maybe you’d just come to the conclusion that you wished Satoru was the secret boyfriend…

You couldn’t stop thinking about that conversation Shoko and you had had that day. About Satoru’s distance, about your lingering feelings despite the memory ‘loss’ and about Infinity. Especially that last part hadn’t left you any peace. What reason was there for Satoru to shut it off around you? Even when you threatened him with your chopsticks? Or was it just another amnesia rule? Did he want you to remember Infinity by yourself?

You frowned, eyes gazing towards his seat on the couch. He was still happily munching on his candy, his back exposed to you.

What had Shoko said? You should try to test him by touching him when he didn’t expect it? This way he couldn’t just shut it off at the last moment. This way you’d know for sure if he automatically disabled it around you.

Your fingers itched and you balled your hands into fists to stop yourself from tapping them against your thighs. You were sitting close enough that if you leaned forward you would be able to touch him. He was still busy with the candy, making happy noises.

Your eyes zoned in on the uncovered patch of skin on his neck, a pale stripe peeking out between his hair and his collar.

Satoru made a questioning sound in the back of his throat and you realised he was still expecting an answer.

“How do I know you’re not just keeping him away from me? Maybe it’s just another one of your amnesia rules.” You tried to joke, keeping your voice steady.

He snickered, shoulders shaking as his head fell forwards a little, exposing even more skin of his neck.

You stared at it, feeling your heartbeat out of your chest.

“Though I definitely have the power to do that I don’t think-”

You pushed your finger against the skin of Satoru’s neck.

The man stopped, neither flinching nor moving away. He just waited.

Your eyes went wide, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your finger. He hadn’t activated Infinity. He couldn’t even have known that you would touch him. Your mind was reeling.

“Sorry, you-uh-there…there was a hair!” You yelled out, voice rising an octave, as you swiped your finger down his skin to pretend like you were brushing it away.

Then you quickly snatched your hand away.

“I see. Thank you.” Satoru’s tone was unreadable again. And he still didn’t turn around.

Not that it would have helped ease your mind to see his expression, not when the glasses were hiding his true feelings by covering his eyes.

“Of course.” You laughed awkwardly, now wanting nothing more than to bend forward and press your lips to the spot you had just touched.

You shock yourself out of that thought. Get a grip.

You cleared your throat. “So you have… the power to keep my secret boyfriend away, huh?”

It was meant to lighten the mood, maybe get rid of the sudden tension you felt between the two of you. But Satoru stayed quiet for a while.

“I’m the strongest.” He said it like it was a fact and for some reason, you didn’t doubt him.

You smiled. “Maybe he’d get very upset if he found out you ate all his candy and would try to fight you.”

“I’d win,” Satoru insisted, finally turning around to look at you, a smirk lifting the corner of his lips.

And then with one smooth move, he bent over the back of the couch and snatched the bowl of rock candy from your desk. You gasped, watching in shock as the man dug his hand in the contents and fished out even more candy than he had before.

You jumped up, reaching for the bowl.

“Give it to me.”

“Nope.” Satoru laughed, holding his hand out of your reach.

You bent over the back of the couch, stabilising yourself on his shoulder as you climbed half over the backrest, Satoru’s laughter filling the air with your annoyed yells.

“Satoru stop being a little shit. I just bought these. That’s way too much sugar for you.”

You reached over him, catching his wrist and almost losing balance and falling but were able to catch yourself in the last moment, luckily not smashing your foreheads together in the process. Wait…foreheads?

You froze, hands still holding his wrist as you realized that you were now sitting in Satoru’s lap.

Like actually sitting in Satoru’s lap. Butt on thighs. Sitting.

You…what?

You couldn’t move, you tried to will yourself to do something. Anything. But your body didn’t respond, too overwhelmed that you were sitting on Satoru’s lap.

The man looked unbothered, eyes twinkling with mischief as your cheeks exploded with heat and you kind of wanted to slap him because what the fuck?

You let go of his wrists and quickly tried to move back and out of his lap but had to have Satoru save you from losing balance and almost falling backwards in your attempts. Which he did by grabbing your waist with his hands and pulling you back in his lap, letting go of the candy still in his hand. The sound of them clattering to the floor filled the following silence.

“Careful,” he chided you, voice playful.

You stared at him, eyes darting between the dark lenses of his sunglasses and across his face as you tried to work out what was happening.

“See something you like?” he teased, hands still comfortably resting on your waist.

That’s what you noticed suddenly. He hadn’t let go of you. No, he was keeping you in his lap, like he wanted you there. And what he just said…was he flirting?

Seriously flirting?

You reached forward, not knowing what possessed you as your fingers traced the frames of Satoru’s glasses before softly plucking them from his face. The man didn’t stop you. He remained still, unblinkingly staring up at you with those blue eyes that mirrored the sky. You folded the glasses absentmindedly and clipped them to his shirt before your hand reached for his face again. The cap of your finger brushed the skin of his cheek, barely able to notice the softness of it when you came back to yourself. What the fuck were you doing.

You reeled back, almost falling out of Satoru’s lap again if it wasn’t for the man’s grip around you.

“Why are you fighting it?” His voice was suddenly serious.

You blinked, overwhelmed by what had just happened, what was still happening.

“Fighting what?” You breathed out, flexing your fingers in his grip.

Without much explanation, he pulled your hand back to its previous position a few inches away from his face before letting go again.

“Trust your instincts and stop fighting them, otherwise your memories will never return.”

You swallowed.

“What if it’s not instincts?”

He cocked his head. You didn’t continue your sentence.

What if it was merely your feelings for him? What if you messed things up for 26-year-old you?

Gojo sighed, shoulders falling and for a second you saw disappointment fleet through his gaze before it was replaced with a feigned expression of amusement.

“You’re such a chicken.”

He straightened up and you realised that he was letting you go, that you could get out of his lap now. Instead, you did something stupid.

You grabbed his face with both of your hands and waited long enough to see him perk up in surprise, eyes wide as they stared up at you, and then you leaned down to press your lips against his.

Satoru didn’t even wait until your lips were fully connected before he pushed forward, head tilting until your mouths could slot together perfectly. Something in your chest fluttered as he pulled you closer against him, your chests being pressed together. You gasped into his mouth. He used that opportunity to deepen the kiss, slipping his tongue past your lips and you followed his guidance, letting yourself sink into the sensation. You shuddered against him, overwhelmed with the feeling of him but at the same time, it felt normal…a little bit like you were coming home.

You both pulled back to catch your breath, not moving far away, noses still close enough to almost touch. This was insane. You couldn’t help staring at him, his eyes looked so bright and a little crazy. You just noticed how impossibly blue they were. Bluer than the sky even, like they contained a whole other universe in them.

You swallowed, tongue darting out to wet your tingling lips, the taste of sugar lingering there. You didn’t pay any attention to it, too distracted by the excitement that bloomed in your chest when Satoru’s eyes darted down to follow the moment.

A laugh bubbled past your throat at the absurdity of it all. Only yesterday you wouldn’t have thought it possible that Satoru would let you kiss him, much less kiss you back. That you’d been sitting here in his lap, all because of…well…

“You deactivated it.” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

“Mh?”

“When I touched your neck. Infinity.”

His eyes widened, finding yours. “You remember that?”

You gave his cheek an apologetic squeeze, “Shoko told me.”

He visibly deflated. “So you still remember nothing?”

Yeah…there was still that. Your memories. You swallowed, eyes darting down to his lips again and you remembered what Shoko had told you. What Satoru had just told you. You have to trust your instincts.

“I can’t tell if it’s a memory or more of a feeling. But I think we’ve kissed before.”

“Oh yeah?” Satoru teased, visibly brightening up again.

“Satoru.”

He hummed, fingers squeezing your waist as he pulled you closer against him. Your thumb brushed his cheek and your noses brushed.

“Do feelings count as memories?”

Satoru lifted an eyebrow.

“You’re getting philosophical with me.”

You softly pinched his cheek.

“Would you let me kiss you again?”

His eyebrow quirked up. “Would that help with your memories?”

“Would you let me even if it didn’t?” You whispered, already leaning closer.

“Are you asking these questions to figure me out or because you want to kiss me?” he asked, but his voice sounded hoarse and you could tell that he wanted you to kiss him just as badly as you wanted to kiss him.

“I’m following my instincts,” You muttered and leaned back in to connect your lips again.

Yeah. This was like coming home.

—

After that afternoon you became bolder. Pulling Satoru down for kisses, reaching to hold his hand, sitting close enough your legs were touching, snuggling up to him when you were watching a movie.

To your pleasant surprise the man was accepting your touches with ease, Infinity still shut off around you. You didn’t talk about it at first, happy to just enjoy this new but somehow familiar dynamic you had. But there was really just one explanation for this.

“We’re dating.”

Your statement didn’t seem to surprise Satoru at the very least.

“Is that a question or a statement?” he mused, not even turning around as he prepared your food at the counter of your kitchen.

You closed the distance between the both of you and slung your arms around him, testing, and just like you’d expected, he let you. Not just that, it almost felt like he was leaning into your touch.

“I’m pretty confident,” you hummed, tightening your grip and pressing your face into his side.

“You’re remembering?” Satoru asked but he didn’t sound convinced.

You scrunched your face. “Did I ask you out?”

Satoru tensed and peaked down at you, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Are you guessing?”

You grinned. “I asked you out but you kissed me first.”

His eyes widened. “Y/n…”

Your grin softened into a smile at his hopeful eyes.

“It’s not really remembering, I think. It just…feels right. It’s like I just know it.”

He sighed, reaching out to twirl your hair between his fingers.

“Are you even trying?” He sounded so whiny. It made you giggle again.

“You’re such a jerk. Why didn’t you just tell me we were dating?”

“You need to remember yourself for the curse to wear off,” he justified, but then admitted what you had already suspected, “It was also very funny to watch you squirm and be all flustered around me. You were so embarrassed for wanting to see my eyes.” He giggled to himself. “And to hear about that secret boyfriend of yours you buy those candies for was very entertaining. “

You rolled your eyes. “And you were that secret boyfriend the whole time.”

Discarding the food at the counter the man turned around in your grip so he could sling his arms around you as well. He rested his head on top of yours.

“You never told me you were allergic.”

You shrugged. “You would have made fun of me for being so smitten with you.”

“Because you are! You love me so much!” he sing-sang, rocking you in his arms, making you laugh.

“Yeah, I do,” you agreed softly.

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lulublack90 · 28 days

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Prompt 1 - Spring

@jegulus-microfic April 1, Word count 542

The first of April was the Marauder’s favourite day of the year. They spent weeks coming up with pranks for April Fool’s Day. They not only pranked their fellow students, but they pranked each other.

James had placed a sticking charm on a little toy rat that he’d stolen from Lily’s cat to follow Peter wherever he went.

All the mirrors that Sirius looked into burped rudely at him, and he’d transfigured all of Remus’s books into copies of Cassandra Vablatsky’s Unfogging the Future. James knew better than to mess with Moony’s chocolate supply, which meant his books were the next option on the list.

So far, though, the only one not to be pranked was James. Lunch passed, and nothing, not even a nose-biting teacup. He was feeling more and more on edge. He kept flinching whenever one of the others came near him. Sirius took great joy in this and found a multitude of reasons to lean over or brush past him.

They were walking out of potions together at the end of the day when he was suddenly yanked backwards into an empty classroom.

“Hey, what the hell?” James yelled before he realised it was his friends. “Oh, what the hell?!” He knew this was it. Instead of them all pranking him separately, they were working together.

“Petrificus Totalus” Sirius flicked his wand, James’s legs snapped together, and his arms stuck to his sides. He was completely frozen in place.

Peter transfigured James’s robes into a clown costume.

Sirius performed a much tricker spell. Using the effects of the petrifying jinx, he transformed James’s legs into a giant spring. He and Peter had to grab ahold of him to stop him from falling on his face.

Remus finished the prank off by sinking what would have been his feet into the stone floor. Sirius unfroze James, and they watched as James wobbled forwards and backwards like a jack in a box without the box.

The rest of the Marauders left him there, yelling after them as they went to dinner, raucous laughter bouncing off the close corridor walls as they went.

He yelled himself hoarse, trying to get someone’s attention. He called out again, and the heavy wooden door creaked open, and Regulus’s head popped around it into the room.

“I thought I could hear your voice.” He said, his brow screwed up in concern. “Are you alright?”

He came further into the room and caught sight of James’s predicament. The usually stoic boy snorted with laughter and ended up on his hands and knees, gasping for air he laughed so hard.

Eventually, he composed himself enough to wipe the tears away and stood before his slightly bouncing boyfriend. “Did my brother do this to you?” He asked, stroking James’s cheek.

“And Remus and Peter.” James pouted. “Can you help me?” Regulus took a step backwards, biting his bottom lip.

“I can, but I’m not going to.” A wicked glint flashed in his eyes as he raised his wand. James’s face was covered in gaudy clown makeup before he could utter a word.

Regulus pecked a kiss on James’s lips before he left him again. “Happy April Fool’s Day, love.” He cackled as he shut the door behind him.

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insanitysilver · 4 months

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So you have this author.

He has a bunch of projects, sure. Starts his own indie publisher in spring 2017 to start getting them out there. Cool. Good hustle. The problem? One of his projects is the start of a seven-book LOTR fan fiction sequel series.

Fall 2017 - He writes the Tolkien estate asking for rights to publish it. His letters go unanswered. (The Tolkien estate is notoriously litigious and close-fisted with rights.) Undeterred, he keeps plugging along.

April 22, 2019 - He interviews his first beta reader on his indie pub's social media to drum up excitement.

Nov 7, 2019 - He gets a lawyer to ask the Estate for the rights more formally. They say no.

Nov 13, 2019 - The Tolkien estate and Amazon close their $250 mil rights deal on Amazon's upcoming LOTR prequel tv series.

Dec 24, 2019 - Author shows up at Tolkien's grandson's house on christmas eve, and "delivered [his 180k-word manuscript] in-person", including a letter with this line:

"I truly cannot imagine, anyone else alive in the world who is capable of taking the foundation your grandfather wrote and expanding upon it as beautifully and imaginatively as I have." That's a pretty big swing buddy!

Tolkien's grandson mails the manuscript back.

So, he publishes his book anyways.

Sept. 1, 2022 - His book hits the major digital storefronts Sept. 1, 2022. Amazon's LOTR prequel tv series? Also releases Sept. 1, 2022.

He sees some similarities. So what does he do?

April 14, 2023 - He sues the Tolkien estate, the Tolkien trust, Tolkien's grandson, Amazon, and Jeff Bezos himself for $250 million.

June 1, 2023 - The Tolkien trust sues him for copyright infringement right back.

Aug 25, 2023 - Having failed to prove the similarities between the tv show and his book, he loses the first case. (The proposed similarities seem tenuous to me too, but judge for yourself.) He can't sell Tolkien fic ever again. And he has to destroy all the physical copies of his book. And he has to pay their attorney fees. About $134,000.

Dec 14, 2023 - Also failing to prove his work was transformative enough, he loses the second case.

Now, I'm not going to shill for Amazon. US copyright extends 70 years past the death of the creator. That seems to serve corporate interests more than then public imo. If it were up to me, it'd be death + 30 & LOTR would've been public domain in 2003. Author guy could've followed his bliss, and clowning on him now really only serves Amazon's agenda.

But! The lesson here is: while the laws are what they are, if you're going to write fanfiction... literally do anything else but that.

Sources: 'The Tolkien Estate & Amazon Win ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Lawsuits' by Max Goldbart for Deadline.com Opening Complaint, Author v. Bezos Opening Complaint, Author v. Bezos, Attachment #2 Tolkien Trust v. Author, Judgement

#not gonna drop his name or book title bc he's suffered enough #fanfiction #fanfic #lotr #tolkien #rings of power

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thelordfool · 1 month

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🚨EMERGENCY - NEED CAR FUNDS NOW!!!🚨

oh hey it's your favorite queer disabled just got one last time job at the zoo for minimum wage clown. My car got totaled! Again!! I'm very upset about this and the payout was ~$2k less than what was left on my loan so not only do I need THAT, but I also need money to get a car because the public transportation in this city sucks. It would take me ~2+ hours to get to work (15m drive) and the ones that go to my job don't run early enough for me to get there on time. hoo ray. I've been put in a rental by the person who hit me insurance company, but only until Tuesday afternoon.

That means that I need to, at the very least, have the money for a down payment by Tuesday, April 2, in the afternoon. No car = no job = no money = i will literally never escape my abusive living situation. I'm so sick and tired of being punched down continually.

$0/$2000, 3 days and some hours left.

pp / vm / ca

if you can't donate please reblog. every cent counts towards getting me independence and freedom.

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mermmarie · 2 years

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DATING THE BAYVERSE BOYS The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, and The Sexy

Authors Note: In my TMNT phase hardcore right now and I thought... I wanna share my headcanons for dating the the Bayverse Ninja Turtles!! 😋 Mostly under the cut because of mature themes/ideas. Hope you like 'em! Also, small thanks to @seafoamtaffy for helping me out with a few of Leonardos! 💙

Disclaimer: All characters depicted are 20+

Warnings: Mature/sexual themes, NSFW mentions, mature language. MINORS DNI

MICHELANGELO

The good:

The master of positive encouragement/reinforcement. This boy builds you up like no other! It’s almost impossible to think bad of yourself around him.

Lots of physical affection, especially PDA. (As public as it can be living a life in the shadows) Loves kissing you, holding your hands, cuddling. No shame around his brothers, father, or April and Casey.

Would graffiti random buildings, subway cars, and trains in your name or with symbols that represent your love.

Food is his love language. Not a fantastic cook, but he can follow instructions and he’d try making your favorite meal for special events like your birthday, Valentines, anniversaries, or when you had a bad week. He’d also spoil you with your favorite snacks and sweets whenever he has the means to do so.

Would serenade you a lot, and makes playlists for you. They’d consist of songs he thinks you would like, and songs that reminded him of you and your relationship with him.

The bad:

Cliiiiiingy. Always has to have his hands on you and follows you everywhere. Even wants to be in the bathroom with you when you’re using the toilet.

Generally, not the jealous type, but absolutely needs your constant attention.

Texts and calls you a lot. (Almost too much) Like, goddamn. You know he has a lot of time on his hands cause he’s cooped down in the sewers until nighttime, but dude—chill.

The ugly:

Guilt trips you over having to return to your surface life and personal duties.

Straight up avoids and ignores if there’s problems with your relationship. He knows no relationship is perfect, but he doesn’t want to break the fantasy, So, if you’re upset and wanna talk things out, he’ll redirect the conversation a lot of the time. You’ll have to be pretty stern to get through to him.

Horny. All. The. TIME. He’d push boundaries to get you in the mood, even going as far to make unwanted advances. (Wouldn’t do anything against your will, or force himself upon you though.)

The sexy:

Can and will laugh during sex. And good, because it’s definitely interesting between a giant mutant turtle and normal human being. There’s a lot for both of you to learn, but he’s surprisingly patient and things are never awkward with him.

He is willing to do the horizontal tango any time you want it. You could literally spend thirty minutes shitting your guts out due to having indulged on your favorite, but forbidden dairy product, and he’d still be down to clown afterwards.

Looooves oral. (Both giving and receiving) He can’t get enough of the taste of you, and would work diligently to give you multiple orgasms through going down on you.

He’s confident in his abilities and open to anything. You want him to put on a sexy dance for you? You got it! Wanna try a new move? Say no more! Have a kink you’ve been reluctant to tell him about? Baby, you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of!

Great with aftercare. Ya’ll would either fall asleep in each other’s arms, cuddle up watching your favorite streaming shows, or play some hand-held video games together afterwards.

DONATELLO

The good:

Thoroughly interested and supportive of your passions and hobbies. Loves listening to you speak on them and would try his best to get involved in some way.

Since he’s the tech guy, a good majority of your dates would consist of pirating your favorite shows, and movies. He’d take you out in the turtle van to some desolate underpass, and project the picture on a wide slab of concrete. Afterwards, he’d put the media on your favorite format so you could have it always; downloads, dvds, even the nearly nonfunctional vhs’s!

Also, since he’s the tech guy he would surprise you with deliveries to your work place from time to time. Flowers, edible arrangements, your favorite drinks, thoughtful cards (with some spending money~ bounces eyebrows. He’d love the idea of being your sugar daddy when he’s able to. 😩 )

Because he’s such a tall boy, forehead kisses are his thing. He peppers your cute little dome with small little pecks any chance he gets.

When he’s low on energy he drags you into power naps with him, which inevitably turns into a slumber because he’s so comfortable in your presence, and you find content in his warmth.

An added extra: Since Donatello is the tattoo artist of the group, free ink if you’re into that kind of thing! 👀

The bad:

This guy works off a schedule, and sometimes he just doesn’t have the time to fit you into it. With training, patrol, lair upkeep, creating new tech, and being the only one to have an actual job (because how else are they paying for food?), he’s unfortunately a very busy turtle.

Is the silent type when upset, and worst of all, he gets more upset if you don’t realize that something’s bothering him.

Double standards. He would insist that you properly take care of yourself. Drink lots of water, cut back on caffeine, shower and moisturize, eat three meals a day and snack in between, get eight hours of sleep, take a day off of work, etc… But Donnie doesn’t hold himself to the same expectations and good luck trying to get him to change. (Sometimes he shares his red-cladded brothers’ stubbornness.)

The ugly:

Internet stalks you, your family and your exes... He mostly does it as a means to gather useful information, and he’s clever enough to only use it in the appropriate situations, but it’ll take you aback when he mentions the name of an ex when you two fight. (He’ll never do it again after the first time however.)

Gets almost unreasonably upset when you have to cancel plans with him. To reference back to how busy he is, and double standards; he just expects you to be able to make time for him. After all, you’re not a defender of New York, nor are you confined to specific hours of the day like he is. How busy can you be?

Since you have a life on the surface, he sometimes gets into his head and assumes the worst. He’s stuck in the lair until nightfall, and his stupid brain likes to torture him with made up scenarios. He’ll make jokes of it, but you know there’s a hint of truth and insecurity behind the question, “So, who’d ya cheat on me with today?” It’s never funny…

The sexy:

Dandere in the streets, Kuudere in the sheets. (Yes, I’m a weeb. Look it up.) He’s not too big on the idea of PDA in front of his brothers, but as soon as it’s just the two of you, his hands will be all over your body and he’ll be macking on those plush lips of yours.

While he enjoys getting off himself, he’s all about pleasing you. A lot of the time, you cumming is more than suffice for him.

Because he is the most internet savvy, he’s done his research on your anatomy. So, unlike the other brothers, your first time together would be quite pleasurable. (Which is a feat considering Donatello has the biggest dick (fight me), so there would be a lot of work put into getting you prepared for it, but he enjoys the foreplay.)

Blindfolds. He can’t see during sex (if he removes his glasses of course) so why should you? It’s a fun little venture from time to time exploring each other’s bodies with your other senses.

He will fucking lap up the ground you walk on if you moan or scream his name during. For the love of god, just do it. It’ll make him absolutely wild.

RAPHAEL

The good:

You wouldn’t expect it of him before you started dating, but once you enter a relationship, he is the best listener. You’ll accidentally spend long amounts of time vent dumping on him, because he’s actually very attentive and empathetic of your feelings.

Since Raph leaves the lair the most (due to needing “fresh air”) he knows New York the best. Which means he takes you to all the cool and secret attractions of the city for date nights.

He includes you in his workouts, if you know what I’m saying? 😏😏😏 I mean, he asks for your assistance… Uses you as added weights, has you help him with certain stretches, asks you to time him on specific drills. He just wants you to be part of one of his favorite activities. (WHICH INCLUDES SEX! Duh. 😋)

You already knew this was coming but… He knits you clothes! Mainly stuff to keep you warm in the winter. So, sweaters, scarves, gloves, and socks. Buuut-- He also dabbles in jewelry in secret. None of his brothers know about it, but Donnie is always curious as to why he borrows/steals his pliers, wire cutters and soldering tools every once in a while. You get custom made bracelets, earrings, and necklaces out of this. (He wouldn’t make you rings until far long into your relationship. He’s a shy boy and doesn’t want to scare you off with the implications. Plus, they’re hard to make, lol.)

Playful teasing and showboating of you. Only to levels you’re comfortable with, but he’s proud to be your significant other, and you’re so attractive to him, he’s gotta show you off to his brothers a little bit. He’ll pinch/grab/smack your ass (gently, lol), caress your face, arms, thighs, and nuzzle his snout into the crook of your neck in front of them, just to get all of you flustered and worked up.

The bad:

Has the millennial phone fear. He doesn’t like talking on the phone much because he dislikes the way his voice sounds to him when you put him on speaker, and he isn’t good at texting you back in a timely matter either… He argues that your conversations are more meaningful in person.

Prone to fighting, duh. Verbal fights of course. Raphael would never lay a hand on you, but if upset enough, he would break things around you. Punch a wall, throw a chair, shatter a glass. He’s also quick to raise his voice and yell, so if that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable, expect tears. (Although, as soon as you start crying, he crumbles.)

Would avoid missionary position, or any position that gave you an angle on his face at first. He’s insecure about his physique and features, and wouldn’t want to scare you or turn your off with his looks. (Though, as soon as you cupped your hands against his cheeks and stared down his emerald eyes, lorrrddd!! It’d ignite a passionate fury in him!)

The ugly:

We all expect jealousy of Raphael, but it’s in the worst ways. He’ll get jealous of his brothers interacting with you and vice versa. He won’t act on his feelings, but he doesn’t like the others touching you or being too interested in conversation with you. He’s also jealous of you specifically. He hates it, but you’re beautiful and normal. You get so many opportunities being human that he couldn’t even possibly dream of. He’d try to keep those insecurities to himself, but they of course bubble up when you fight.

(Like his purple-coded brother) He stalks you. He tells himself he’s being a good boyfriend and he’s just watching over you; making sure nobody messes with ya, but in reality he wants to know what you’re up too at all times. If your residence has the view for it, he’ll become a peeping tom and watch you undress.

Raph always grows distant when your time together is coming to an end. He just checks out hours before you actually have to go. He must think it’s a way to protect himself mentally, but it’s just unfair to you and almost impossible to pull him back into the moment.

The sexy:

Raph just emits sexual tension into everything. The way he lifts weights, how his brows furrow when he looks at you, the way his tongue dances around the toothpick in his mouth, how he folds laundry… Like, how? WHY?? I mean you’re not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, but boy it’s almost troublesome how he can make you so hot and bothered so easily.

A double standard, but he wouldn’t let you be insecure about anything during sexy time, especially not your body. - You: I don’t want to do x,y,or z because I’m too heavy/too boney/have too much hair/don’t like my stretch marks/my bits are different from others/etc… - Raph: … If you don’t get your ass over here and sit on my face right now.

His tongue… is so long… 😳💦 Do I really need to say anything more??

Have you been interested in standing sex positions, but could never try them out because your past partners weren’t strong enough for them? Well, these are Raphy-boys specialty! Holding you up and pumping away in ya is a breeze for him, and good thing too! Because your legs are gonna be wet noodles afterwards~

He is actually okay with you egging him on during sex. As in: Saying things to purposely piss him off to make him fuck you raw. You would need to talk about what’s okay to say beforehand, and make non-verbal cues for safe words; but once that’s said and done, he’s game. It gets him riled up in the best ways possible.

LEONARDO

The good:

Leonardo will just pop in on you randomly during the DAY, just to say hi, and see how you’re doing, maybe even give you a few kisses. He’s so confident in his stealth abilities, and honestly… it’s justified. Still, it nearly gives you a heart attack every time and a playful fight breaks out as you urge him to leave so he won’t be seen by other surface dwellers.

If you need a task done, Leonardo is your #1 motivator. He won't do it for you, pfft! No. But he will absolutely help you stay on track. So, if there’s something you need a push to do, like finish a college essay you’ve been procrastinating on, doing an exercise routine after a long day of work, or making a stress inducing dentist appointment on your own; he’s your guy!

Massages. The guy actually knows what he’s doing and isn’t just pinching and pulling your skin. Knows what muscles to work on to relieve you of that headache, and what pressure points to hit to release the stress and tension you’ve been holding.

It’s a little silly, but he ‘bridal carries’ you a lot. He loves holding you in his arms, so when there’s an opportunity for it, he scoops you right up! It’s definitely unnecessary sometimes; like when he carries you from the living room area to his bedroom, but are you really gonna say no to those biceps, triceps and delts? 😩💦

All the turtles would teach you self-defense and CQC at some point in your relationship with them, but Leonardo would be adamant on it from the beginning. He would want you to be able to protect yourself when he’s not around. If you’re able to successfully to take him down, (which is gonna be hard because…he big 😳) he would instantly pop a hard one.

The bad:

Not so creative with date nights. He just likes spending time with you and figures you feel the same way. You’ll have to be the one to come up with fun ideas to do, or at least drop him hints on how to spice things up.

Needs you to be independent. He’s the leader, he’s got a whole city to defend and four brothers to take care of. So, you aren’t going to have his attention 100% of the time. Not to mention, he’s the kind of guy who likes his space. He’s got his things that he likes to do on his own, so you need some of your own.

Ironically, he also kind of… parents you. Especially when you don’t want it or ask. He thinks he knows best and will try to steer you in a certain direction. “You shouldn’t wear that article of clothing, it’s too revealing.” “If you want a raise, ask for it.” “Don’t stay up all night doing ____, it’s bad for your health.” “ _____ person is right, you were being ____” (Oooh, the last one. You definitely have to teach him the difference between wanting him to just listen and wanting him to respond.)

The ugly:

He doesn’t have the time for your interest. Don’t get it wrong, he likes to hear about them and supports you pursuing them it’s just… if they aren’t his specifically, or they don’t mix in some way, he just can’t be bothered to be involved.

When you get into major disagreements his tongue can be quite sharp. He’s only used to Raphael questioning his authority and opinions, so his temper is surprisingly short and his remarks are critical. If he’s losing the battle, he’ll sometimes resort to just straight up ignoring you by going silent or leaving the room.

Jealous of toys and the idea of you getting off by yourself. While he absolutely has no problem making you cum, he wants to be the only one to make you moan and scream. So, best to leave the solo sessions at home.

The sexy:

(Technically, this could be a ‘bad’ point but…) Don’t wear any clothes you really like when planning on getting down and dirty with Leo because has a bad habit of ripping them off of you.

Leo’s really good with foreplay, and not just with stimulating you. He’s good at setting the mood, and building tension, all while keeping a cool head himself. It’s a bit infuriating how hard it is to rile him up the same way, but at least it makes for a fun game you both enjoy.

(Being the weeb he is) Leo loves to practice Shibari on you. He loves seeing you restrained and completely submissive to him. He’s even gone out of his way to find/buy decorative rope to tie you up with, it’s gotta accentuate your beauty. If you’re lucky enough, he may let you try it out on him. (Although, you can only do a handful of knots and ties considering his shell gets in the way.)

He marks you with hickeys and bites. Most of the time, he is considerate enough to only leave them in spots where you can hide them, buuut--- Every once in a while he wants to remind his brothers, and surface dwellers that you are his.

Katoptronophilia babyyyy! You already know Leonardo is the type of guy who’d be into watching his performance in the mirror. (Not to mention taking in how good you look in the reflective glass. 😏)

If you liked these, check out my Dating the Rise Boys headcanons!!

#tmnt #tmnt bayverse #tmnt headcanons #tmnt x reader #tmnt imagine #tmnt 2014 #tmnt 2016 #michelangelo #donatello #raphael #leonardo #mermies #tmnt lit #Mermies Lit

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ghosty-0w0 · 2 months

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200 DITYS

WELCOME TO MY 200 DITYS

This is the photo you can recreate or use the same theme!!

I am so happy I came this far and reached 200 followers like that’s mind blowing to me so TYSM EVERYONEEE

alsoooo

You can color this if you want!!

Best coloring or ditys shall get their art work as my banner ( for a bit) and I shall cherish your art forever :3

deadline is April 1!!

MOOTS, SIBS, FRIENDS:

@yummii-qt @gamerblade1 @averagetmntfan @allyheart707 @riseleon @mikey-rottmnt @sharkfinn @potatoeofwisdom @kittynumyum @c00kietin @b00tyyyshker9000 @kraang5 @notjustdragonspages @peoplepersonoaktree @vaudeville-moggie @donniesbrows @weirdoartsy @dluebirb @animal-lover-forever @s1eepy-0 @clanofjones @karonkar @justmesadlysry @amat3ured1t0r @alitteraladhdmess @karmacomesaround @chaos-potat @m3l0man14c @ender-outlaw @diona-98 @qeelovestea @arise-children-angel-is-here @missingleon @clown-froggi @echodoesstuff62333 @fable-the-queer-bookworm @theycallmehummus @kaidiaisamazing

#hehehehe #ghosty art #ghosty rambles #200 DITYS/CITYS

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 2 years

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Hi Eleanor, I have been following your amazing explanations of the UK politics (so good, thank you so much for them) but somewhere in the buffoonery I lost the thread and now I can't tell one evil vizier from another. They all look the same! I can only accurately distinguish Michael Fabricant (for obvious reasons).

All this to ask, how can I tell Liz Truss apart from Nadine Dorries or Rees-Mogg? I know the latter is a man, but I'm after the clown vibes. What is her clown wig, so to speak? Thanks so much!

Apologies this took so long, it's been a busy few weeks, but yes, happy to oblige! Here is:

Elanor's Guide to Liz Truss

Under a cut for length, and it only goes up to her appointment as PM, not everything that's come since. Key points: she u-turns on literally everything, and her one (1) personality trait is maths.

26 July 1975 Liz Truss is born in Oxford to parents she’d later describe as “to the left of Labour”, though is presumably not yet a source of colossal disappointment. She is a bland and underwhelming child whose crowning achievement from this time is that she goes to a comprehensive school.

She will later boast about this.

1996 Truss graduates from Merton College, Oxford with a degree in Politics, Philosophy and Economics. Economics! What a useful thing for a future PM to hold.

While at university, she begins her first foray into a political career! She's president of the Oxford University Liberal Democrats - as a Lib Dem, she supports the legalisation of cannabis and, famously, the abolition of the monarchy. What sound principles to hold dearly and stand by. Good for her! Such integrity. It's good to have convictions. Hope the monarchy thing doesn't come back to bite her.

Slightly later in 1996 Truss produces the first performance of her signature move: U-Turn.

She joins the Tory Party. And starts working for Shell.

1998 Time to get elected! Truss stands in an election for Greenwich London Borough Council. Loses.

2000 Truss leaves Shell, and starts working for Cable & Wireless (the first competitor to BT).

She also gets married this year! There’s lovely. Her husband is even more bland and underwhelming than her, so presumably this made her feel special and important by comparison. Still, true love is heartening. Let's wish them a long and stable marriage.

2001 Hello naughty children, it's General Election time! Truss stands as a Tory in a Labour safe seat. Loses.

2002 Truss stands in an election for Greenwich London Borough Council again. Loses.

2004-2005 Concerned that she is incapable of winning anything, Tory MP Mark Field is appointed by the Tory Party as Truss’s mentor. Field and Truss are both married, but his allure as a sexually aggressive misogynist who grabs female protestors in chokeholds proves too much for Liz and her beige milquetoast husband, so they have an affair anyway.

It doesn't last long because Tories are very bad at hiding affairs, but Liz's husband lacks the interest to kick her out. Instead she introduces him to her fun new kink of being a collared sub and he duly obeys. From this point onwards, she literally wears a day collar necklace at all times.

This fact possibly explains the penchant for u-turns and general lack of spine. Subs should not be PMs.

2005 Truss leaves Cable & Wireless. It is unclear if they notice her leaving.

5 May 2005 General Election! Truss stands in a marginal seat (that is, not a safe seat for any party), thus giving her the best chance of winning. Loses.

April 2006

With David Cameron as the new Tory leader (several years away from the 2015 pig-fucking scandal), a committee sets out to deliver his promise to transform the party. They create an “A list” of between 100 and 150 parliamentary candidates to prioritise in winnable seats. In a bid to make the Tory party look more diverse and less like a Dulux Shades of White catalogue, many are POC and more than half of these are women – and one of these is Liz Truss.

This is probably just as well. Currently, her glittering political career consists of four failed elections, zero principles and a grubby sex scandal. You can only get away with the latter two once you've been elected, after all.

4 May 2006 Truss stands in an election for Greenwich London Borough Council again, now with the backing of the party's top brass to campaign for her. Wins!

January 2008 Having lost her first four elections, Truss is promptly given Responsibility and becomes deputy director of Reform. Reform’s a think tank – a research institute that performs research and advocacy on public policy. With Reform, Truss produced several major reports, advocating for:

more rigorous academic standards in schools because she loves maths;

a greater focus on tackling serious and organised crime;

urgent action to deal with Britain's falling competitiveness.

October 2009 Liz Truss easily wins a vote of the Conservative Association to represent the party for South West Norfolk at the next General Election. Huzzah! Gosh, it's so easy to win elections when David Cameron gives them to you.

Drama though! Some members of the association are against this, because Truss failed to disclose her affair with Mark Field. This is very funny, because every Tory MP is an adulterer. Mind, Mark Field is proper gross, so it is an unusually terrible indication of personal taste.

They vote on this issue – 132 support Truss, versus 37 against. Success! Gosh, it's so easy to win elections when David Cameron gives them to you.

6 April 2010 General Election announced. A scheduled one! So exciting for the British public.

6 May 2010 Truss chooses not to seek re-election to Greenwich London Borough Council, because she’s an MP now and is above such petty concerns. She works hard, specifically for:

retention of an RAF base in her constituency;

transforming a chunk of A11 into a dual carriageway;

shouting down a proposal to sell off forests;

preventing a waste incinerator being built at King’s Lynn.

October 2011 Truss remembers that part of her degree is in Economics, which means she knows about money and maffs. She founds the Free Enterprise Group with the support of over 40 other Tory MPs. Gosh! She's so popular! Her goal is to challenge the idea that Britain's economic decline is inevitable, by trying to develop an entrepreneurial and meritocratic culture.

(Loosely translated this means she loves free markets and hates employment laws.)

4 September 2012

Truss becomes Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State at the Department for Education.

Now at this point, education is a huge thing for her. She wants to make maths compulsory for everyone in full-time education, rather than just to GCSE. She believes comprehensive schools encourage easy, low-value subjects to boost results (noting that comp pupils were six times as likely to take media studies as private school kids), whereas private schools never do anything to artificially boost results to please fee-paying parents.

To prove her point she goes on telly, gets asked a maths question by a news reader, barely manages to answer it, and then refuses to take any more maths questions.

13 September 2012 Truss’s Free Enterprise Group publishes a book. Hooray! Let's see what it has to say.

Here’s a quote: "Once they enter the workplace, the British are among the worst idlers in the world. We work among the lowest hours, we retire early and our productivity is poor."

Yuck. Gross. How unpopular.

Truss claims that that bit was written by Dominic Raab, later Deputy PM to Boris Johnson. Raab counter-claims that the authors take “collective responsibility” for everything in the book.

January 2013 Truss is named Road Safety Parliamentarian of the Month by road safety charity Brake, for campaigning for design improvements to road junctions in her constituency and presumably for Doing Good Looking when she crosses roads.

Truss also outlines plans to reform childcare in England, to widen the availability of childcare and increase staff pay and qualifications. Interestingly, charities and businesses really like these reforms – Labour and trade unions do not. I wonder why?

The least popular aspect of this is to allow each carer to be 'allowed more children'. This aspect is blocked by the bold and heroic Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg.

February 2014 Truss leads a fact-finding mission to Shanghai to find out how they achieve the best maths results in the world for their children. She is certain it's probably something to do with comprehensive schools.

15 July 2014 Cabinet reshuffle! Truss appointed Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs. Unlike her predecessor, Truss declares that she fully believes in climate change! Huzzah! What a step up. Thank goodness we now have someone with principles who will stand by their convictions.

(She is mysteriously silent on her past employment with Shell.)

November 2014 Truss launches a 10-year strategy to try to reverse falling bee populations, including by reviving traditional meadows. Double huzzah! Thank goodness she loves bees.

July 2015 Truss approves the temporary lifting of an EU ban on two bee-toxic neonicotinoid pesticides, enabling their use on about 5% of England's oil seed rape crop to ward off the cabbage stem flea beetle. These pesticides were shown in 2012 to harm bees by damaging their ability to navigate home, and are a leading theorised cause of colony collapse disease. Fuck the bees I guess.

Truss also cuts taxpayer subsidies for solar panels on agricultural land. Fuck the environment I guess.

Classic Liz.

24 June 2016 HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN IT'S BREXIT TIME

And Liz Truss is pro-Remain:

“I don't want my daughters to grow up in a world where they need a visa or permit to work in Europe, or where they are hampered from growing a business because of extortionate call costs and barriers to trade. Every parent wants their children to grow up in a healthy environment with clean water, fresh air and thriving natural wonders. Being part of the EU helps protect these precious resources and spaces.”

A year later, she’ll say, “I believed there would be massive economic problems but those haven't come to pass and I've also seen the opportunities.”

She is mysteriously silent on what those opportunities actually are.

14 July 2016 Theresa May’s Prime Minister now, and Truss is appointed:

Secretary of State for Justice; and

Lord Chancellor.

She’s the first woman to hold either position, even though the Lord Chancellor office has existed for a thousand years. Gosh! So illustrious! So that must be a popular choice.

Minister of State for Justice Lord Faulks immediately resigns from the government in disgust at Truss’s justice role.

He doesn’t think Truss will have the clout to stand up to the PM on behalf of the judges, because she's a whimpering sub wearing her collar to work. Truss says Faulks didn’t contact her before going public with his criticism, and that she’s literally never met or spoken to him, and she's very hurt because he's very mean, and she's excellent at defending judges who rule against the government, you'll all see.

November 2016 Truss is criticised by former Attorney General Dominic Grieve and the Criminal Bar Association for being a bit shit at defending judges who ruled against the government.

Former Lord Chancellor Lord Falconer says (and I’m paraphrasing here) that she IS shit, that's true, but for balance let's all remember that her predecessors Chris Grayling and Michael Gove were ALSO shit.

He calls on Truss to be sacked. This call is ignored.

To establish that she is Good At Justice and make daddy call her a good girl, Truss announces a £1.3 billion investment programme in the prison service and the recruitment of 2,500 additional prison officers! Huzzah! This sounds good!

Unfortunately the Tory coalition government had already actually cut considerably more than that, so this is actually still a cut overall.

11 June 2017 Following the general election, Truss becomes Chief Secretary to the Treasury, a move widely seen as a demotion for being Shit At Justice (daddy did not think she was a good girl). Still, she has an economics degree (sort of)! And loves maths! What an ideal position. How does she get on?

Civil servants describe her tenure as “exhausting” because of her punishing work schedule and her obsession with posing maths questions to officials at random.

CRINGE ALERT: Truss really gets into Twitter and Instagram. Uh oh.

June 2018 Truss gives a speech about the importance of libertarianism and low taxes. Hope that doesn't come back to bite her.

2019 Truss declares that she could replace Theresa May as leader.

In her defence, anyone COULD replace Theresa May as leader. What a horrible woman. What an awful Prime Minister. God, at least it can't get any worse, right?

Right?

In the end, Liz doesn’t stand, however. Instead, she chooses to endorse Boris Johnson.

24 July 2019 She advises Johnson on economic policy during his leadership campaign because she has an Economics degree (sort of) and likes maths, but weirdly isn’t given a finance role once he becomes Prime Minister. How strange. Perhaps he does not know that she likes maths? Perhaps she was too subtle?

She’s instead promoted to Secretary of State for International Trade and President of the Board of Trade. That's okay though. You have to do sums to trade with money, she'll probably be good at that.

10 September 2019 Amber Rudd resigns as Minister for Women and Equalities. Truss gets that job on top of her own, because nothing says Women's Equality like piling extra jobs onto a woman. I hope this workload doesn't affect her job with Trade.

Days later, Truss “inadvertently” (her words) allows unlawful arms sales to Saudi Arabia, an accident any of us could make I'm sure. She apologises to a Commons committee. Opposition MPs reckon she should resign, what with having dramatically broken the law and all. Oddly, this does not happen. Does Boris Johnson not care about the law? :(

Still, I'm sure she's learned her lesson about being careful with arms exports to Saudi Arabia.

7 July 2020 Truss lifts a year-long ban on exporting arms and military equipment to Saudi Arabia. She says (I’m paraphrasing) “I just reckon it’ll probably be fine.”

August 2020

Truss holds meetings with the Institute of Economic Affairs. These meetings are later removed from the public record, re-categorised as "personal discussions". Which all seems nice and normal and not at all suspicious and also totally a thing we're all comfortable with Tory Trade Ministers with histories of exporting arms to Saudi Arabia doing.

September 2020 Truss settles a trade agreement between the UK and Japan. On the one hand, this is legit the first major trade deal signed by the UK after Brexit, so that’s a big deal! Yay! A triumph for maths!

On the other hand, most of it’s copied and pasted from the existing EU deal with Japan, which almost makes you wonder what was the fucking point.

In any case, Truss follows suit with Australia, New Zealand, Norway, Iceland and Liechtenstein. She is very good at keyboard shortcuts.

December 2020 Truss finds time among all her copying and pasting and sums to give a speech on equality policy, which is good, given that she's also an Equalities Minister. She reckons the UK focuses too heavily on "fashionable" race, sexuality, and gender issues. She reveals the government and civil service will no longer be receiving unconscious bias training. Thank goodness she fucking bothered.

15 September 2021 Cabinet reshuffle! Johnson promotes Truss to Secretary of State for Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Affairs after she's nice about his tie.

3 October 2021 Tory conference, and Truss harps on about identity politics and cancel culture and does some transphobic dog-whistling. I’m not passing on the quotes.

Truss supported gay marriage, and has never voted against LGBTQ+ rights in specific votes, but she HAS moved to limit trans rights. She’s against gender self-ID. When accused of transphobia, she stresses how much she loves queer people because she supported gay marriage. When pressed on the trans issue, she (I'm paraphrasing) shares the "I can't see that I'm blind" meme and leaves.

November 2021 Truss and her Israeli counterpart Yair Lapid announce a new deal aimed at stopping Iran from developing nuclear weapons.

December 2021 Lord Frost resigns as the British Government's chief negotiator with the EU. Truss replaces him. A big deal! International diplomacy! Good job no major international diplomatic incidents requiring experienced diplomats are coming up!

Truss meets her Russian counterpart Sergey Lavrov in Stockholm, and urges Russia to seek peace in Ukraine.

27 January 2022 An unknown journalist for the Mirror, Pippa Crerar, reveals that the Tories held a Christmas party when everyone else was in lockdown. Uh oh. Hope that doesn't get out of hand. Best behaviour, everyone.

Truss goes to Australia. Instead of taking a normal plane, she uses £500,000 of public money on a private jet.

Former Australian Prime Minister Paul Keating, who’s involved with the China Development Bank, accuses Truss of making "demented" comments about Chinese military aggression in the Pacific. He says, “Britain suffers delusions of grandeur and relevance deprivation.”

The diplomacy is Going Well.

30 January 2022 Truss claims that "we are supplying and offering extra support into our Baltic allies across the Black Sea, as well as supplying the Ukrainians with defensive weapons."

Russian diplomat Maria Zakharova makes fun of her on Facebook, because the Baltic states are located around the Baltic Sea and not the Black Sea, which is 700 miles away.

The diplomacy is Going Well.

31 January 2022 Truss tests positive for covid. She cancels her trip to Ukraine.

6 February 2022 China backs Argentina’s claim over the Falkland Islands. Truss claims that "China must respect the Falklands' sovereignty … [as] part of the British family".

The diplomacy is Going Well.

10 February 2022 Truss again meets Lavrov, in the context of a build-up of Russian troops near the Russia–Ukraine border. Lavrov describes the discussion as "turning out like the conversation of a mute and a deaf person".

He asks Truss if she recognises Russia's sovereignty over the two Russian provinces containing troops. Truss mistakenly assumes these must be areas of Ukraine, and replies that "the UK will never recognise Russian sovereignty over these regions."

THE DIPLOMACY IS GOING WELL.

27 February 2022 Three days after Russian's invasion of Ukraine, Truss is asked in an interview whether she’d support British volunteers joining the newly formed International Legion of Territorial Defense of Ukraine.

She replies: "Absolutely, if that is what they want to do."

Which is admirable, I guess, but, um … would be a criminal offence, according to the Foreign Enlistment Act 1870.

The Russian military are placed on high nuclear alert, and Russian officials say this is in response to Truss's comments! But they might be lying about that I suppose.

10 July 2022

That Christmas party got out of hand.

Truss says she’ll run in the Conservative Party leadership election to replace Boris Johnson. She pledges to cut taxes on day one if elected, and that she would take "immediate action to help people deal with the cost of living". Thank goodness she has principles and understands the cost of living crisis.

16 July 2022 Liz Truss is one of 7 MPs revealed to have put Amazon Prime on their expenses.

20 July 2022 Truss and Rishi Sunak are chosen by Conservative Party MPs to be put forward to the membership for the final vote. Truss finishes second in the final MPs ballot, 113 votes to Sunak's 137.

25 July 2022 In a BBC debate, Truss claims she’s going to be big on environmental issues.

And then reveals she plans to scrap a lot of environmental legislation to help businesses.

11 August 2022 Format change! Let’s watch the days tick by through the lens of news headlines.

BBC headline: Liz Truss defends energy firms saying profit is not evil (14 August 2022)

Guardian headline: Liz Truss’s economic plan is ruinous nonsense with no reference to reality (27 August 2022)

Mirror headline: 'Greedy' Liz Truss has claimed nearly £5k in expenses for energy in last 5 years (2 September 2022)

Open Democracy headline: Fears over cost of living ‘solutions’ proposed by Truss-backed think tanks: MP says Truss would be a ‘puppet’ for right-wing groups that have already generated a dozen of her policies (3 September 2022)

Times headline: Truss eyes bonfire of workers’ rights to boost economy

Polls show that the more Tory voters see Liz Truss, the less they like her.

Unfortunate.

5 September 2022

Liz Truss gives an interview with Tory client journalist Laura Kuenssberg. Following the interview, comedian Joe Lycett, who was literally one of the planned guests and whose job is to be a satirist, claims to love Liz Truss, and effusively praises the interview. Even Truss realises that nobody would say these words in earnest.

A BBC insider says: “Team Truss was incandescent afterwards. She agreed to give a significant interview after blowing out Nick Robinson.”

Presumably she did not understand what the role of a satirist in a political interview is.

That said, in the membership vote, 57.4% of voting Party members selected Truss, making her the new leader. Of all leaders chosen in the 21st century, Truss managed the lowest support of MPs at final ballot, and of membership.

Independent headline: Liz Truss’s energy plans will be disastrous for our bills and the planet - Truss will oversee the greatest transfer of wealth in history, from UK families to oil and gas executives she used to work for

Polling data suggests that the Conservatives have fallen 4.5 points in the polls in light of Truss’s leadership, while Keir Starmer’s Labour has jumped up 3 points. Yikes! Hope that doesn't get worse.

Current polling would translate to only 147 Tory seats, compared with 414 Labour seats. For context, Tony Blair’s infamous 1997 landslide victory won 418 seats for Labour (and 178 seats for the Tories).

6 September 2022 Liz Truss is appointed Prime Minister.

Immediately, UK currency plummets. And she hasn't even announced her new mini-budget yet.

Hope that doesn't get worse!

#politik #asks

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