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think4fkinonce · 1 year

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"Diet culture is largely rooted in racism and pseudoscience. On a large scale, we need to stop perpetuating it. Nobody owes you thinness. Doctors need to look into fat patients' ailments without suggesting weight loss every time. Diets fail 95% of the time; there are other methods that are more effective for managing illnesses. Larger people need better accomodations in public. "

This. All this. This I agree with.

"There are no good and bad foods."

Well, there's some value to this. All foods provide energy but some are more nutrient dense than others. Some are easier to overdo. Sometimes you need certain foods at the right time. People shouldn't feel guilt or obligation over their food choices. But let's not pretend that different foods make you feel differently. If I "overdo" broccoli, I might feel a bit queasy. If I "overdo" cupcakes, I feel queasy, weak and get a headache. Sugar gets more blame than necessary but some have a better tolerance for it than others.

"If you decide you personally want to lose some weight, you're just fatphobic and hate fat people because you don't want to look like us. It couldn't have anything to do with how your body feels. It's the capitalism in your subconscious."

Nope. This is where I stop agreeing with you. Capitalism has twisted our views but people should still do what they think is best for themselves. "All bodies are different" doesn't exclusively mean some people are fat and some are skinny. It also means that all bodies have similar but different needs and that the people living in them will likely have a better grasp of how certain things will make them feel.

Carrying less weight usually does feel better. It's less stress on the heart. Less energy is burned. Most people know this to be true (and you can't just pretend it's not true because you say it's "anti-fat"). The problem is, restriction and burning off more calories than you consume is also stressful on the body, especially if done abruptly. Another thing, and this is the big one, your body isn't just going to heal itself. It does to a degree but if you're not eating and resting right, it's going to impede that process. We're not all perfect at doing what's right for it but if we pay attention, we can figure out what helps and what doesn't. It's very individual. You need to decide what's worthwhile to do. Not others who aren't informed on your very personal needs.

If feeling worse consistently coincidences with weight gain, maybe you should pay attention to that. Don't learn just intuitive eating, be intuitive of how certain things make you feel as a whole because ALL of it affects you. Maybe losing a few pounds is okay if you think it'll be less stressful on your heart. But if you find yourself miserable in the process, maybe it's not right. It's not so black and white.

What you should be focused on is how capitalism takes advantage of this lack of nuance. It comes from the top. If they can convince you of the limited mindset "weight loss = always good; magic bullet for health", they could sell you just about anything.

Fatphobia has been around MUCH longer than these companies. There are reasons and believe it or not, some of it isn't complete bullshit. Y'know, a nugget of truth wrapped in lies and all that jazz. It's been blown wayyyyyy out of proportion over the years.

Blaming fatphobia on your aunt's diet talk is the equivalent of blaming pollution on normal people for using plastic straws instead of those nasty paper ones that rot in your drink while big companies use the ocean as its dumping grounds. I said what I said. The common denominator is capitalism. Pure fucking greed.

#fat politics #capitalism #fat liberation #fatphobia

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otasnox · 2 months

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ah sorry i want to ramble about my body image issues for a bit.

i hate being fat i really do but after spending so long making myself hate my body even more than i already did (this was an attempt to force myself to lose weight. it did not work it just made me more depressed) i kind of just want to give up. and i already have given up but not really? im just in one of those slumps inbetween diet attempts (these slumps always last longer than the actual diets).

but i really just want to give up and never think about this again. i want to love myself and my body but the fact of the matter is that i'm really unhealthy not just in weight but in diet and lack of exercise and a million other things. and i want to change that i really fucking do! but i've been trying for years and i just can't fucking do it because i'm too much of a retard

i dont even need to be stick-thin! i don't want to be underweight like i used to! i don't even have to be on the lower end of healthy weight i would genuinely be more than happy to still have a bit of a flabby stomach and shit but if im being honest? oh i know id never be happy with that. deep down i do still want to be underweight and gorgeous and enviable but unless i win the lottery that's literally not possible considering the amount of loose skin i would have at that point and by then? well i would still look just as ugly. so whats the fucking point

i want to be healthy but really? i could care less if i'm really healthy on the inside. i want to look pretty so people will like me. i hate being the fat girl i hate being the one who's always in sweatpants and tshirts and hoodies (all baggy) because hes too self conscious to wear anything else. i hate being the fat kid with the greasy hair who is just a fucking autistic retard and cries too easily and is just so gross and fucking annoying to be around. i hate that i never brush my teeth. i hate that i dont shower enough. i hate that i cant make myself eat healthier because im too fucking stupid to stick to a diet (not even a strict diet! i'm talking 2000 cals a day!!!! this should not be hard!!!)

i've been this obese kid my whole fucking life! and i've always seen myself as ugly. i hate my huge stomach and thighs i hate my flabby arms i hate my double chin i hate my fat fingers. i hate the way i look because i cant fucking take care of myself. just once in my life i want to be objectively pretty i dont want to settle for just okay anymore i want to be happy with the way i look i deserve that too!!! i deserve to be happy!!! what did i ever do wrong to make me so miserable. fuck my stupid baka life

but i guess my real dilemma is this: i want to lose weight, but i'm scared. i'm scared of change. what if 'm NEVER happy with my body? what if i hate myself more after losing weight? (i dont think i would. i think im just scared of the unknown.) and you know what? i'm jealous. i'm jealous of so many skinny people for being so effortlessly pretty and i'm jealous of so many fat people for loving themselves and others bodies but i cant do that. i was a stupid kid and i trained myself to hate not only the way my body looks but sometimes even other peoples bodies and i hate it!!! i want to be happy for them because if youre in a body youre happy in good f or you i hope youre living your best life dude!!!

but i just look at myself in the mirror and see this ugly mess. i think i wouldn't be 100% happy if i lost weight (oh, but i don't think i could ever be totally content with my appearance) but my god i would be so much happier. i could wear the clothes i want to wear. i could go to stores and actually fucking find clothes in my size instead of having to order them online. i could cut or dye my hair and dress any way i want and it would look so much better on me because i'm not a miserable blob of of fat in too-big clothes, because even regular size clothes are too form-fitting. they make me help myself.

it's bad enough that i've been considering just making myself throw up everything i eat. ive considered this before but well. i knew about the long term consequences from recovered bulimics on twitter and they scared me off of that idea for the most part. well its that and also just i know id be too fucking lazy to even make myself go throw up. like i would just forget to do it.

i dont even know what to do anymore. i tried a nutritionist (she was not helpful at all she just told me to eat less and eat healthier and gave me recipes and portion control diagrams. are you fucking serious? i could get this on google images). i tried to seen if my meds with appetite suppressing abilities actually worked (they did not). i tried starving myself (too retarded to stick to this plan). i tried making myself purge it all (but i made myself throw up once [because my stomach really hurt, for the record] and i couldnt bring myself to do it again). i tried counting calories (i just end up overeating even more than i usually do). i tried getting into exercising (hated it and was too lazy for it). i've been trying this since i was 12 years old. i'm 18 now. its hell

i dont know what the point of this was. i guess i just wanted to write my thoughts out in hopes that i would find an answer. i didn't, though. whatever! maybe next time. maybe soon.

my only hope at the moment is that my doctor can prescribe me ozempic, which i think would really really help, but since we had to cancel my initial appointment back in november (i broke my foot :/ sigh) we rescheduled it for this fucking summer. depending when it is thats at LEAST three more months away. and to top it off i doubt we'd even be able to afford that shit, so i try not to even think about how far out of reach plastic surgery to remove my hypothetical loose skin is.

whatever, i guess. i'm falling asleep as i write this (i slept 3 hours at the most last night, so pretty much just a nap). i guess it's time for bed even though it's not even 9:30pm... i'm surprised i even stayed awake this long to be honest.

not the point! i'm going to sleep now, i think. thanks for reading if you did

#picklepuffleposting #nsft //#<- again. this is my sensitive topics tag

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kiivg · 3 years

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.I decided to just go with my three heroes instead of like all my dragon age romances because I’ve got someone for Blackwall, Gaspard, and I’ve got a mind for someone with Dorian too. Then I’ve got a whole load of OC x OC as well, and trying to draw all of them would be time consuming. However! During drawing this, I realised that, technically, Andrastopher, Anders, Marcus, and Zevran, have all slept with one another. Whether that’s between two people or more just depends on when in the timeline haha…. ,’:)c.

.Anyway there’s some things about my Heroes and their love interests below :), thank you for asking! I’m always excited to talk about my OCs.

...

.Andrastopher and Zevran’s relationship starts out as quite a basic thing. Something that’s not talked about in camp or on any of their journeys, but everyone knows it’s happening. On Andrastopher’s side, it’s something to make him forget for a little while, something to take his mind of everything that’s happening to him. Zevran, after all, offers this to him as more of an incentive to keep him alive knowing that Andrastopher most likely will end up killing him. Something that Andrastopher wasn’t exactly quiet about, he did actually plan on presenting Zevran’s head to Arl Howe at some point.

.Of course, everything changes with the course of time. Fighting beside one another in such dangerous situations, it was bound to leave them closer than before. They save each other’s lives, they tend one another’s wounds, and one night, Andrastopher doesn’t slink back to his own tent with a satisfied hum in his belly and stays curled around the other man. There’s a tenderness that blooms between them both, and what was not talked about before, is shown more and more openly.

.Zevran, I think, falls in love with Andrastopher before Andrastopher falls in love with him. He’s too broken to glue himself back together long enough to even think about such a thing. It probably doesn’t help that Zevran had started off by complimenting him on his looks above anything else, and Andrastopher knows he’s a weird looking man; more of a curiosity than a crush to anyone who looks at him. Anything Zevran had said after that was taken with the knowledge that the man would be lying.

.By the end of the blight, something that Andrastopher had hoped to die in, he’d found a reason to live again. Completing Morrigan’s ritual was a risk to take, but one he did so willingly so he could waken next to Zevran another day. However odd their beginnings were, neither man was willing to see the other one gone.

.After the blight, Andrastopher struggles with everything he knows. There’s no place for him in the world, and he cannot hide in Zevran’s arms as if there is nothing wrong. He takes a year to himself, sacrificing himself to the Qun, accepting that he needed a restriction in being who he was meant to be. It was a hard time apart, but the reunion was a sweet one. Though time and work takes them apart for perhaps months at a time, they remain loyal to one another. They marry at some point, a small thing which really only included the pair themselves, a chantry Mother, and Oghren who was both amused and embarrassed about it all.

.To this day they remain together, and regrets have been spoken about how they had initially started out. Andrastopher knows he should have treated Zevran better, something the man has forgiven him for over and over throughout their years.

...

.Marcus and Anders’ relationship was in-game the rivalmance because it’s so much more delicious than the basic romance. But, in my mind, it’s different.

.They start off butting heads in Kirkwall, Marcus needs Anders’ help, and Anders’ needs Marcus’ help. The idea of anything between them isn’t really on the table at the time since Marcus has been spending his time between Meeran’s legs more often than not. They both find each other insufferable for a variety of reasons; Marcus is egotistic, narcissistic, overtly cocky, and spends most of his time either fighting or fucking or playing that ridiculous lute he won in the Hanged Man. Whilst Marcus thinks Anders’ fight has been blown to unrealistic proportions, and he’s championing something that can be overcome easily enough, the man has a hero complex that grates on his nerves. Marcus is a Fereldan apostate who lives freely, and he can’t understand why people don’t just escape from the circle; his father did easily enough.

.After the Deep Roads expedition, coming home after eating nothing but mushrooms and drinking rock water for weeks, just to return to Carver’s newfound templar job really makes him rethink his attitude in Kirkwall. Marcus becomes openly supportive of the Templars, he has no choice; Carver’s relation to a mage has him under valiant watch, and though money helps, Marcus has to be on his best behaviour. Being seen with Anders can only damage his reputation, but they had kissed in that foggy desperation in the Deep Roads, not that they’d spoken of it, but it remains a memory that tasted sweet despite their breath.

.Marcus spends most of his time in the Blooming Rose in the next few years, wealth and desire letting him flaunt his time in rented beds. Anders yet plays on his mind, pulling him back time after time whenever he hears the man needs his help. They fight and disagree, snapping with magic curling in their fingertips. Anders feels like Marcus is betraying the very core of himself; denying that he’s a mage in every positive song he sings of the Templars. He hates the man with an intensity that boils over in the need to return to that time in the Deep Roads; when mages and templars didn’t matter, and the once fat Fereldan apostate gave away his shares of tasteless fungi to the mage who knew how to heal wounds. They fight and kiss, biting at each other with teeth and nails, and it is Marcus who storms away; burning with confusion and singed footsteps, and awaiting a visitor at the end of the night.

.When things get particularly bad, Marcus gives in to Anders’ way of thinking, apologising for what they had been through over the years. He gives him a key to the Hawke estate. It’s a safe place to hide, a safe place to smuggle mages in and out. He warns him on Carver’s inclusion, Marcus can’t be seen helping; it would only come back upon his brother and he’s not willing to risk such a thing.

.Anders stops by the estate more and more, and the animosity between them settles into something of a comfort. The man is there when Leandra is killed, he is there to stop him from killing Merrill just a few nights after, he is there to drag him home from the Blooming Rose when he drinks too much to remember where he lives. Marcus knows he doesn’t deserve any of it, and he is selfish when he kisses Anders for the first time in years, selfish when he tries to drag him into bed, selfish when he asks him to stay the night. Marcus’ rise to Viscount is the only thing that keeps Anders safe, and is the only reason that Anders is able to be smuggled from Kirkwall after the explosion.

.It’s a year and a half before they see each other again. Justice has been calmed over the months, and Marcus’ attempts at keeping Kirkwall sane had slowly been overthrown by a group of zealots. A mage couldn’t hold position for any longer, and he had no choice but to flee. He’d spent six months building a home for himself in the ruins of Lothering, and he welcomes Anders with laughter and disbelief when he sees the man again. Years had passed since they had first met in Darktown, but seeing Marcus with a small herd and a weight settling in his gut, it’s the most real he’s ever been.

.They settle together, never intending for it to be permanent. But there is a loneliness that could only be combatted together, and when mages begin to find them it’s hard not to fall in love with one another when they work to rebuild what was once lost. A small village sprouts around them, mages seeking safety and succour found under the guidance of a heavy stranger named Conchobhar, and that taller fellow named Jarl.

...

.Goddard and Yetta’s relationship isn’t actually an in-game thing, since he’s seventy-one at the beginning of Inquisition, and like what options do I ever have apart from making him a sugar daddy (I missed a thing there for sure AH), so I gave him a wife called Yetta.

.Essentially, it’s an arranged marriage for them. Which begins terribly, because neither want to marry the other; Goddard is still holding out hope that he will find his first love again, and Yetta was betrothed to him since she was a child so she’s never had a choice. Their wedding is awkward, Goddard tries to convince his little brother, Milward, to take his place, and Yetta is caught trying to escape from the actual event. Goddard also turns up in Orlesian finery in an attempt to insult Yetta’s family and to remind them that he spent a good few years in bed with a chevalier. It works, but, the wedding still goes ahead, and they’re both miserably married by the end of the day.

.Despite his tactics, Goddard promises Yetta that he’d stay truthful to her regardless of whether or not they end up in bed together. And, in the beginning, neither of them wanted to. Goddard spends his nights sleeping on the floor, and there’s a more than obvious rumour floating around that they haven’t yet slept together. Despite all the pushes and shoves they receive; Goddard being pushed into Yetta’s room as she dresses for the day, Yetta being forced into the bathing chambers whilst Goddard is alone in there, conversations of sex being brought up at their meal times, and even being locked in their bedchamber for so long that Goddard ends up bum rushing the guards who bring them food at meal time.

.It’s not the best beginning, but there is a camaraderie that begins between them in their joint frustrations. Their attraction to one another begins in the written letters they send over the years. With Goddard working in Ferelden, and Yetta remaining in Ostwick, it’s the only way of communicating they have. And though it takes years, it’s hard to deny the way that their feelings grow each time Goddard gets some weeks away from the military.

.Together they have three children over the years, agreeing to stop trying after that due to Wakefield’s complicated birth. They remain happy together until this day, accepting a few blips over the years, and the rather gargantuan blunder of Goddard having an affair whilst incapacitated and presumed dead in Ferelden. Everything that is thrown at them is tackled head on and together, and it is obvious in almost everything that the do together, that their love grows ever stronger every minute they spent beside one another.

.TL:DR: all my heroes are happy and loved and alive :)c.

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sapphos-darlings · 3 years

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I'm dating this girl who is VERY femme. She's bi, I'm her first female partner, she's previously had very heteronormative relationships and grew up in a very patriarchal culture/family. Now, she has these really strict "rules" for herself that she just seems to torture herself with. She'll apologize excessively if she hasn't shaved some part of her body, complains about her weight even though she's arguably borderline underweight, will barely let ME see her without makeup etc. etc. (1/2)

She’s constantly body monitoring, adjusting her position, sucking her stomach in, “fixing” things, making negative/anxious comments about her own appearance and so on. For some reason, she doesn’t apply any of these “rules” to me. I’m also femme(ish) but don’t bother with a lot of expectations like shaving, makeup and stuff. I want to help, or make life easier for her somehow but I don’t know how and witnessing this daily just makes me really sad. For her, and women in general. Advice?

Hello there, Anon.

I know exactly what you’re talking about. I remember when things like that started to manifest in middle-school, and even though I’m pushing thirty I still know women like this. Patriarchy will do this to a woman.

I’ve known women who diet obsessively, outright perform in front of men, who are nearing the definition of an eating disorder, and really struggle with self-esteem, and I’ve had some of these experiences too.

And the thing is, even though you are looking at it from the outside and draw these really clear lines between patriarchal beauty standards and her behaviour, it doesn’t mean she sees it like that. People in general hate to be read and told that they do something because of some external pressure and not their own choice, as teenage me discovered when I started to go on feminist rants, and it’s probably not the best idea to bullheadedly confront these very delicate, deeply personal things about someone, especially when they are a source of pain. The thing is, people guard and shield personal parts about themselves, even or maybe especially those that cause us pain.

The fact that she applies these rules of hers on her and not you further tells you that she does them because it’s what she’s been taught and what she’s learned and now feels she must do. It’s good that she doesn’t enforce them on you, and might be a sign that deep down knows that they are irrational, unnecessary or downright bad for her too. Only she knows for sure, though.

So my advice to you is this: It’s not your job to save others from themselves. It is not your job to decide what parts of others are bad and need to be done away with, and how. What you can do is be supportive, honest and kind, and through your own actions build a relationship where you can both thrive.

What you can do is understand, support and accept her. Express the kind of person you are: you don’t judge her, you value her, you support her, you want to know what she feels, thinks and has experienced. Express your thoughts and worldview about women and beauty and everything else honestly without targetting her. Focus on positive things and positive expressions; talk about best case scenariors instead of listing everything that’s wrong.

When approaching things like body image and performing femininity, be sensitive about it. Set the tone as calm, accepting and open. Ask her questions and focus on her happiness and comfort, and then listen to her. For example, if she’s complaining about her weight when you go out to eat, don’t get sucked in to correcting her feelings about herself or tell her what she should be thinking, but ask what she’d like to eat, what is it that she enjoys, what is her favorite. Create a space where she is allowed to be anxious but don’t feed into that, and where you want to spend good time with her as she is. Focus on enjoyment and positive things that you want to share, and she will make her own choices within that space.

Tell her how you feel about her, not how she should feel about herself. If she’s ashamed of not having shaved her legs, tell her that it’s all the same to you, that you think she’s amazing as she is, that you didn’t shave and you feel good about that. Don’t accept her apology, because she has nothing to apologize for.

If she’s worried she doesn’t look “properly feminine”, tell her it’s no one’s business to judge her and that you’ll be with her either way.

Be honest about your own feelings and how you feel. Just because you shouldn’t educate or correct her constantly doesn’t mean you don’t get to feel sad, and that is a valid feeling to communicate to your girlfriend. I sure know that back in high-school when my close friend who was very slender and athletic moaned how horrible she looked and how “fat” she was, it made me, about 15 kilograms heavier than her, feel miserable. Of course, she had her own troubles and she didn’t mean any harm to me, but it still hurt.

Basically, use “I”-sentences; “I feel like --”, “I think that --”, and so on. Sentences that communicate what you feel, what you think and why, and what you hope and wish and worry about.

The general gist is that people evolve, grow and heal because they choose to, in the environment that they have. You can be a positive, accepting force in her life, someone who accepts her, listens to her and talks things through with her, someone who allows her to feel good and accepted so that she can in turn value herself more and build her self-esteem. You can give her the space and positive energy, but she has to do the growing herself, and that and the direction it goes is her choice. Basically watch out for too specific expectations: her personal growth doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll stop shaving or wearing makeup, for example.

And finally, remember that taking care of someone else’s problem is not your responsibility. I don’t know her or her situation, but in case she has actual medical issues such as anxiety or an eating disorder, it’s not on you to be her sole comfort or replace a professional. Just remember that professonal resources are an option if that’s needed.

There’s my general advice. I wish you luck and happiness with your girl. Mod Sade might want to add something later, so keep an eye on reblogs.

- Lavender

#reply #ask #anon #eating disorder cw #anxiety cw #advice #body image

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queen-thinky-thoughts · 3 years

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Freddie and bullying

So, I keep coming back to the interview with Freddie’s former classmate from boarding school which was in this new documentary. Especially one thing he said has stuck in mind, which is:

“He was a quiet guy. And although he was a shy guy, he wouldn't be bullied. He wouldn't be bullied, he was not gonna back down.”

To me, this immediately made perfect sense because it’s very in line with what I personally see and how I understand Freddie and his character. How so? Well, there are a couple of interesting things to unpack here.

Firstly, what is said is not: He wasn’t bullied.

Instead, it is: He would not be bullied.

And that is a big difference.

Now, I want to begin by briefly addressing my own life, because I am fully aware that my life experiences colour my speculations and opinions here, and I think that is the case for all of us, naturally. I was viciously bullied at school for many years for ‘being different’ (and this included, but was not limited to, the fact that I was very artistically expressive and undeterred in my very strong artistic ambitions no matter what, playing the lead in every school play, singing the solos in choir, etc, even though this did not at all make me popular. Instead, people would shout abuse after me in the hallways and try to push me down the stairs and such. “Is your name Ana-star-sia cause you wanna be a star?” 😂 - is something I got to hear quite a lot. So, yes, there is somerthing about Freddie’s experience in his teens at school and later in college which has a very familiar ring on a personal level for me. “I’ll be a pop star/legend”, “Freddie Baby” and all that. I can’t help but relate. I fully acknowledge my personal bias here.

With that caveat out of the way, back to Freddie.

The former classmate who was interviewed did not, in fact, say that Freddie wasn’t bullied. In my opinion, he said the opposite. Because by saying that he wouldn’t be bullied, what he is talking about is not what was happening, but how Freddie dealt with it. So what this actually confirms for me is that there was bullying, but equally that Freddie refused to be cowed by it. Perhaps apart from becoming more reserved and quiet than he would have been naturally. Did I spend many hours, days, weeks weeping into my pillow in high school because everybody hated me? Yes. Did this stop me from still putting myself out there, still gunning for the lead in the school play, still wanting to sing those solos? No. There are different ways of dealing with bullying, and they are personality dependant. Some people do become complete wallflowers and shut down entirely, trying to withdraw themselves from the centre of attention completely to stop attracting negative attention. And others, perhaps more stubborn or wilful people, do the opposite. They continue to be themselves more unapologetically, pretend to ignore the bullying, pretend it doesn’t get to them at all, pretend they’ve above it. With everything I’ve read about Freddie, I firmly believe he was the latter. He would not be bullied. He would not let his bullies determine what he did or didn’t do, nor dissuade him from his ambitions. And perhaps, that experience in school even served him well later in life.

I’ll come back to personal experience here, because it’s relevant. As an actor, even just trying to get into drama school, I face/faced constant criticism and rejection. 9 out of 10 auditions will end in rejection. Every performance you are in will be criticised. You are always too fat, too short, too ugly, too wrong for somebody in the entertainment industry. And I have honestly often thought to myself that if I hadn’t made the experience I did in school, if I hadn’t had to get used to the thought that if I attract attention, there will always be people who will hate me, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, no matter how much I attempt to please them. It is a hard lesson to learn, that you will never be universally loved by all, especially for the sensitive artistic types who just want to be seen, and heard and long for their artistic expression to be appreciated and adored.

Now, think of the way Queen and Freddie specifically were often viciously torn down by the music press. I think that the experience I believe he had in school made that easier to deal with for him. I think that, since childhood, he had learned to laugh with the people who laughed at him and not seem daunted by it. Does that mean it no longer affected him? Absolutely not. It still stings. You still always have to remind yourself, like a mantra, that not everybody will love you. Not everybody will love you. There is always a part of you that thinks, but what if, but maybe- It remains a constant struggle for all artists, I firmly believe.

So what I am saying is that Freddie was evidently bullied in boarding school to some extent, but I cannot for the life of me imagine, given what I’ve read of his character, that he isolated himself because of it or let it “ruin” his life. He was still social. He was still in a band. He still seemed happy enough to his friends most of the time, probably. Because both things can be true. You can be bullied, even terribly, and still go to parties, and still laugh, and still have friends and still refuse to see yourself as a victim.

This is what it comes down to. One’s perception of oneself. I think it’s very clear, throughout Freddie’s life, that he did not like and in fact actively refused to be pitied or to see himself as a victim of his circumstances the large majority of the time. That is also a strength of character which makes a person very attractive, and it’s frankly one of the things I love about him. See, if you had asked me while I was in high school if I was unhappy, I would have said no. I’m happy. I’m fine. Because from my perspective, I wasn’t letting the bullies ruin my life. I wasn’t letting them tear me down. I was winning. I was undefeated. And to me personally, it makes perfect sense that Freddie would have felt that way, too.

Now, there is also something tangential, a little speculation I want to throw out there. I think due to the nature of boarding school, there is definitely a certain amount of camaraderie involved and I think that while Freddie definitely didn’t have an easy time of it there, he had a much worse time at Polytech in terms of bullying once he came to London. Why? Well, this is what the Laura Jackson biography has to say about that time, but keep in mind I have found inaccuracies in that biography and there are no sources given for where the author acquired this information:

“In appearance, accent and temperament he must have felt different, and in his neighbourhood he was treated as such. From the start he suffered from ignorant bigotry – made the butt of constant ridicule and abuse. His first reaction was to retreat into a shell. But, recognising that he was there to stay, he realised it would be impractical for him to hide away. Applying his well-developed streak of self-discipline, he worked out a simple plan of attack. Since his narrow-minded tormentors saw him as a funny foreigner, he played the Persian popinjay for them and parodied himself ruthlessly. This took the sting out of their tails, effectively robbing them of their fun. But, brazening it out took its toll, and at home he became unhappy and insecure, desperate to fit in and yet aware that he was different.”

While I have no proof nor sources for this other than this one biography, it does make sense to me. It makes sense to me looking at the video from Polytech and his entire body language. It makes sense to me in context of the entire situation. It makes me think that if there was a part of his schooling where he was really, truly miserable much of the time - it was most likely then. (So much so that I wrote fic about it.)

So there you are, my detailed thoughts on Freddie and bullying.

#freddie mercury #early days #bullying #boarding school #polytech #speculations

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hatsukeii · 4 years

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Okay so regarding the thing I reblogged from @saturnmoon last Sunday >:)))))

I thought it’d fit better as a scenario instead of hcs, so apologies if this isn’t what you wanted exactly-

Thank you, daddy// Tsukishima x reader

Word count: 1700+

Warnings: None, tiny bit suggestive at the end, but I’m gonna let your imagination do the job.

Summary: Questionable names should stay in the bedroom.

Your face burns scarlet as you walk through the empty streets, white box in hand and a very, very flustered Tsukishima next to you.

“I’m sorry, okay? I was joking!”

No reply. All you get is a side glance behind his steel black glasses.

How did you get into this situation, you may ask?

Well.

It all started when Tsukishima decided to get the two of you matching headphones.

You see, Tsukishima’s pretty subtle when it comes to affection. He doesn’t want people viewing him as soft, or as Nishinoya says, a simp. He shows the absolute bare minimum amount of affection, pda never happens, and he doesn’t like to talk about his private life with classmates. Some may argue that he dates you out of boredom or pity, and doesn’t give a flying shit about how you feel about him. Others might not even know of your relationship. However, regardless of what everyone else says, the two of you care for each other deeply. You were like a bunch of helium balloons in his hand, flying as high as you can, seeking out opportunities, dreaming of possibilities, bringing up his spirits whenever he was down. In return, Tsukishima was the one holding you down, bringing you back to Earth whenever you were too carried away. Contrasting personalities mixed to form an amazing relationship. It was quite literally the definition of opposites attract.

However, the two fo you are very different when it comes to your views on normal things couples do. You don’t like being cheesy. At all. Just the thought of someone making a grand confession, or asking you out in an extravagant and crazy way in front of people was enough to make you want to shove a finger down your throat and retch. On the other hand, although Tsukshima doesn’t show much affection towards you around his friends, he’s secretly a big fat romantic dork. The only reason why he didn’t confess to you in front of the entire school was probably because he wasn’t about to sacrifice his dignity and ruin his image. He’d always see couples in the hallways sporting matching accessories. Whether it be promise rings, or keychains, or even glasses, and secretly think it’s adorable. Knowing how you dislike cheesy and cliche moves however, he holds back and keeps those thoughts in his deepest fantasies, never to be seen by anyone else but himself.

Anyways, back to your tricky situation. When I said he shows the absolute bare minimum amount of affection, that means that he only rarely holds your hand in places with people that know the two of you, almost never kisses you in public, and at last, but not least, rarely gives you gifts. He always thought his affection for you was enough, and it wasn’t like you’ve ever gotten him any presents either. He simply didn’t care about materialistic gifts. You don’t really mind that he doesn’t get you gifts either. As long as he treats you for food, you’re all good. Once in a while, you’d try to treat Tsukishima, but he would never let you pay for him. He would always reach the cashier first and pay for whatever he was getting. He didn’t want you to pay for his stuff, not when you didn’t want him to pay for yours either. That would be unfair. It was a weird relationship, to be frank. Not having mementos of your partner wasn’t a usual thing.

It wasn’t until his headphones broke, did he finally succumb to the idea of matching with you. He’s been using his headphones for years without any problems. He wore them to school every day, used them while doing homework, and has slept with them on at some point. It was no surprise the speakers would eventually give out. When they broke, Tsukishima was beyond miserable. These were his headphones. His most prized possession. He treasured them so much, it was almost heartbreaking to have to replace them. Not even you understood how much they meant to him. You were beyond confused when he called you at night, crying. You thought he got hurt or something, when in reality, it was just his headphones breaking. If someone asked, you could still repeat the entire phone conversation word for word. You thought it was both hilarious and a bit heart wrenching, to say the least. You promised to bring him headphone shopping today, even insisting on paying for them, which he immediately refused to let you. Instead, once he got to the store, he basically zoomed to the headphone section, looking through it excitedly. When his eyes landed on a pair of black and white headphones, he swiftly grabbed two of them, shoving one of them into your hands.

What?

“Hm? You’re getting two? That’s really expensive, plus a pair will suffice for like another five years!”

“No, dumbass, this is for you, I’m just making you hold onto it while I grab my wallet.

You looked down at the box in your hands, then back up at your boyfriend, eyes wide in disbelief. He was getting you a gift? For the first time in the few months you’ve been dating for? And you haven’t given him anything at all? Ever? There was no way. You knew your boyfriend like the palm of your hand. He would never just buy you a gift, let alone such an expensive one. To say you were shocked would be an extreme understatement. His face was dusted a light shade of pink that was almost unnoticeable in the dark store, where the only light sources were the LED lights that were set to white.

“Kei, you’re for real right now? I don’t want you to waste your money for me-”

“I want to match with you. I love you and I don’t like that it seems like I don’t put in effort at all.”

Tsukishima was now a blushing, flustered mess. He wasn’t even able to look you in the eyes. His heart was racing, anticipating your reaction. Did you hate the idea? Were you freaked out? Grossed out, even? What if you hated the thought and decided to break it off with him? What if he just screwed up big time and embarrassed himself? What if-

“OH MY GOD! KEI SWEETIE THAT’S SO CUTE! THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE ACTUALLY INTO MATCHING!”

You went silent for a moment, before continuing.

“But... I feel bad. I’ve never gotten you anything, and here you are, gifting me a pair of expensive ass headphones.”

Tsukishima’s blush faded, a tiny smile gracing his face.

“The only thing you have to do is wear them with me. Promise me that.”

Sending him a cheeky smile, you linked your pinkie with his playfully.

“Promise.”

Pinkies still linked, the two of you headed towards the cashier, where a line of people were waiting to check out. You continued to show your gratitude towards your boyfriend, hugging his arm and cuddling it like a teddy bear. His heart melted at the sight of you being an absolute cutie. This is the most pda he’s received in public. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as he thought it was. He could try it out sometime. Poking your nose jokingly, he smiled, mocking you playfully.

“I’m getting you a pair of headphones shorty, can I get another thank you? It was cute when you said it just now.”

Smirking at his subtle joke regarding your height, you retorted, puckering up your lips.

“Thank you dadddddyy~”

The store went silent.

Tsukishima’s mouth hung wide open, his eyes frantically looking around as his face went bright red. Customers stopped what they were doing, some of them in the middle of paying for their products. From the corner of your eyes, you could see a child’s ears and eyes being covered by his mom, who was glaring daggers towards the two of you. A couple of old men sent judgemental looks your way, silently discussing how teenagers this day are corrupted and unreliable. The cashiers were clearly shocked, staring at the two of you, brows either furrowed, or raised. The store was so quiet you could probably hear a pin drop. You let go of Tsukishima’s arm instantly, letting your arms fall, the headphones still in hand. Recovering from the incident, customers continued to chatter amongst themselves, cashiers continued to check items out, however you and Tsukishima stayed dead silent. The tension in the store could have been cut with a knife. Customers were avoiding your gazes, shuffling along towards the exit as soon as their products were in the bag.

“I definitely said that too loudly didn’t I.”

Tsukishima didn’t say a word, his face still crimson as he tightly shut his mouth, pursing his lips.

Approaching the cashier, he grabbed both boxes, not saying a word as he handed them to the cashier along with the money. Once that was done, he shoved one of the boxes into your arms, grabbing your vacant hand and dragging you out of the store, legs moving as quick as they could.

So now, you’re stuck in an awkward ass situation, with a flustered, silent Tsukishima. He hasn’t said a word since the two of you left the store, and that’s making you feel all sorts of ways.

His house is mere miles away. You can see the lights in the living room illuminating the area around it. Speeding up, you struggle to catch up with him, your shorter legs starting to sprint desperately.

Pulling you into the house, he slams the door behind him, locking it.

You don’t even have the chance to catch your breath, when a hand tickles your neck, before gripping on it tightly and pushing you harshly, your back forcefully hitting the wall behind you as the impact makes you hiss in pain. The headphones in your hand drop to the ground, toppling over. You open your eyes, only to be met with Tsukishima’s shit eating smirk.

“K-Kei?”

Forcing you into a harsh kiss, he assaults your lips, biting and sucking occasionally. You grasp at his hand, panting and gasping for air, but gave up as you came to the realisation that you enjoyed this. You enjoyed being choked by him.

The blond chuckled at your struggling figure, eyes going dark.

“If you really wanted to call me daddy, you could’ve told me long ago sweetheart.”

You were in for a long, long night, and honestly? You weren’t complaining.

Tags:

@izzyphantomgamer @sunshines-and-tatertots @just-another-bored-writer @burnt-tomato @tiger1719 @macaronnv @random-fandomlover @poppirocks @kaylacinderella @for-ests @bokutokoutarou @ewfilthymundane @inlwlevi @thirstyvolleyballhoe @sakusasgarbage @agentvicinity @animebsposts @emsvegetables @talks-a-lot-of-stuff @tiredgr3mlin @itmekisuu @trashcanweeb @mariechan123 @justachillgirl

I hate myself lmao this is TERRIBLE HELP-

Okay imma sleep now gn kiddos

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leelem0n · 4 years

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Weight Loss Q&A

Someone asked some questions about weight loss so I thought it might be helpful to some other people.

1. Do your nipples get smaller as your boobs get smaller? I worry mine won’t shrink and it’ll look strange. No, they stayed the same.

2. Does your FUPA (relating directly to your vagina, not your lower stomach as some associate with your FUPA) get smaller over time as well? Yes, but if you're very obese then you may need skin surgery.

3. Will a buffalo hump decrease? If it is caused by obesity, yes. If it's caused by poor posture or other skeletal defect, no.

4. What do you do in the in-between phase where you’re not fitting your old clothes anymore but don’t want to buy a new wardrobe just to have to do it all again when you’re at your target weight? Great question. I usually wore my big shirts and then bought some leggings. You may need to buy some things for work depending on the uniform, and in that case I would recommend a second-hand shop so you don't spend a bunch.

5. Is the in-between phase as hard to get through as I think it is? I’m sure some people feel that it’s a motivation to keep working hard, but I feel like it could be a huge struggle in the moment to see your body becoming disproportionate and awkward looking until you reach your target weight. Was that a struggle for you and how did you hype yourself up during? Your body wasn't disproportionate and awkward as you gained, it won't be as you lose. It's not like you only lose weight in one section as a time. You keep your same proportions but just reduce overall size. To keep myself motivated, I just told myself that quitting won't get me anywhere good.

6. Do people treat you differently during and after? I myself am guilty of being negatively jealous of people around me losing weight because I wish it were me instead, but have never said anything about it. Do you have people in your life that aren’t afraid to say those things to you, and how do you cope? Yes and no. For the most part, people treated me differently because I saw myself differently. Being really obese, I had absolutely no confidence and, like you, I was mad at everyone else for being slimmer than I was. Once I lost weight, I didn't magically gain confidence but I did stop being jealous of everyone else's body because I felt I started looking like everyone else. Me not being bitter changed my whole demeanor and made it easier for people to approach me and be friendly with me. I was a fat bitch. I hated myself and hated everyone. When I lost the weight, I also lost a lot of that anger/bitchiness, so I was much friendlier and more relaxed, meaning it was easier to make friends and talk to people. No one wants to talk to some angry person scowling in the corner, after all.

7. Relating to 6, are you treated better as a smaller person? Do you feel that after losing weight you’ve received more positive attention from strangers? Yes, and while part of it is related to 6, part of it isn't. At first, that really bothered me. I was the same person, right? So why are they kinder to me NOW? I realized that being as fat as I was, not only did I look miserable (because I was miserable), but I also realized I just looked...sick. Unhappy. Bothered. I was happier to eat snacks than I was to interact with others, and it's because I had a problem. Just as you wouldn't want to approach someone shooting heroin or lying in a gutter drunk, you don't want to approach someone slowly killing themselves with food. A slow spiral to the grave is just not something humans tend to want to be around.

8. Do you have any advice for overcoming or coping with body dysmorphia and realizing that you aren’t as big as you used to be? If you have body dysmorphia, you have body dysmorphia. It is a mental illness and will not go away just because you lose weight. I still have body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). I've had it no matter what size I've been. It sucks. What can help is to measure yourself periodically with a measuring tape to prove to yourself that you are the size that you really are. Another thing that helps me is to crop out or cover my face in photos. It makes it easier to "see" my progress in my photos if I remove/hide my face. This "trick" also helps a friend of mine who also has BDD. But, you know, as bad as BDD is, you kind of get sick of it. And there are days when I've started saying, "Yeah my legs are disgusting blobs of amorphous goop but, fuck it, it's fucking hot so I'm gonna wear shorts. Fuck BDD."

9. How do you hold yourself accountable and stick to the diet and exercise changes? My biggest struggle is getting started and staying on track, any advice is welcome. Two ways. First, it must be sustainable. If you, say, go on the Cabbage Soup Diet, yeah you're not going to be able to keep that up. If you find a rigid diet plan that has foods you don't normally eat while also cutting out foods you culturally enjoy, no, you won't stick to it. You need a sustainable meal plan that has enough variety and wiggle room to accommodate a normal life. Second, it's just logic. I can't use "motivational images" or videos. I just tell myself, "If I quit now, I won't make the progress I want." It's simple but it works. Another thing is, "Yeah, the pizza would taste good but that's a lot of running to get rid of it. Am I ready to do that?" If so, then yeah, have the pizza. But once you start seeing foods as "This will help me reach my healthy goals" vs "This will slow my progress", the choice becomes much easier.

10. Does your sex life change, negative or positive? Does your partner or hookup care about any loose skin? Most people don't really give a shit as long as they get to have sex haha It sounds kind of crude, but that's the truth of it. If you have a lot of loose skin, it might be a good idea to forewarn them so they don't jump back out of surprise (not disgust), but that's about it.

11. Is it possible for the tightness or elasticity of your vagina to change when you lose weight? Or your ability to get wet and finish? So this is an interesting one. I noticed that I had to do more kegels because there wasn't as much fat "pushing" on the vaginal walls, if that makes sense? As for wetness and orgasm, no, it's the same.

12. What do you do if you reach your target weight and don’t like the way you look? What if you preferred your larger self to your smaller self? I will never, ever, ever, ever prefer my larger self. Ever. I can't imagine you would, either, especially with BDD. So, yeah, I got BDD, I'm gonna hate how I look no matter what, right? But the feeling is very, very different. Even if I hate how I look because of BDD, here are all the reasons I prefer being smaller:

I eat less food, so I save money. If I eat out, I can be satisfied with half the meal and then I have the other half later...two meals for the price of one.

I can move around!! I don't have to LURCH off the sofa to get up. I'm not struggling for breath after walking up three stairs. I can easily walk around when I'm on vacation...and walk all day...and not be aching and drained of all energy

It's way, way easier to buy clothes, even buying online is easier. Cheaper, too! Plus, there are way more styles to choose from.

My feet aren't always aching. My back isn't killing me constantly. I don't have that 24/7 low-grade headache+nausea combo. I have medical issues unrelated to previous obesity, and it's way worse if I'm heavier

I can breathe more easily in any position. I don't have to stop breathing to tie my shoes!

I'm at a lower risk of heart disease, stroke, cancer, etc...which is important to me since I'm already at a higher risk of stroke and cancer (for unrelated reasons).

If I suddenly have a medical emergency (hit by a car, suddenly collapse for some reason), I don't have to worry that bystanders can't move me. When I was at my heaviest, it would have taken at least two VERY strong people to try to lift and move me, but more likely four average people (or more) to try to move me. Now, I can be easily moved if in an emergency

So I hope you can see that even if you still hate your appearance, it's way better having lost the weight.

13. How does extreme weight loss affect tattoos? do they shrink or become distorted at all? It depends on where they're at. Mine were on my arms mostly, and I'm pear-shaped so even with skin surgery it never affected my arms. Sorry, I can't answer this from experience.

14. Is it easier to shave as the surface area decreases? 1000000000% easier to shave and wash. Not only is there less area, but you don't have to dig under your folds.

15. This one is very specific, but do your ankles become smaller? I feel like my ankles are big but the bone and tendon seem to be the same size, so I worry that my ankles will stay big as my legs get smaller and then it will look weird. Your bones don't change in size, so if your ankle bones are big then it's likely you're "big boned" in general and will look proportional. But, even if you just happen to have, like, super big ankle bones, I guarantee that you'll prefer being slimmer with big ankles than your current self. I did this, too, I tried talking myself out of weight loss because "What if I don't like how I look after?" and no no no do not talk yourself out of it.

16. Do you have any areas of your body that seemed to not change or lose weight? Where, and does it bother you/seem disproportionate? I'll bring up my arms again. Granted, I do a lot of weight lifting and my arms are more muscular than average, but they do look disproportionately larger, which would be okay if they had more definition. BUT, I also have BDD and other people have told me that my opinion of my arms is all in my head. Again, it doesn't bother me enough to say, "Oh, damn, I should just regain allllll that lost weight so my arms look smaller by comparison."

17. For those who have had their excess skin removed, are you satisfied with the surgery outcome? I’ve been finding that most surgeries make the body look very boxy and shapeless, which has scared me away from it. Do you think it depends on the surgeon, or is that just the way it comes out regardless? This is a great question. The fact of the matter is we fucked up. We stretched out the skin. It'll never, ever look "normal" again. Ever. And we have to accept that. I didn't realize that, so when I got skin surgery I was really disappointed that my legs looked the same-but-smaller. But I had to realize it was my fault, not the fault of the surgeon. You will almost certainly never look "normal", but you won't look, like, freakish if that's what you're afraid of. The only reason you worry about this is because you're fixated on the body (same as me), but for the average person they honestly can't even tell.

18. Does extreme weight loss have any effect on your hair, positive or negative? Body hair, positive or negative? I wouldn't say it's the weight loss that affects hair but more your dietary change that causes weight loss can also affect your hair. If you're just cutting calories and eating poorly, you'll lose a lot of hair luster and it may fall out. But if you're cutting calories and eating healthy foods, you should notice an improvement in your hair quality.

19. Do you feel colder more often? Does it become harder for you to warm up? Do you sweat less often? I feel colder more often because I'm not covered in a layer of blubber anymore...so I feel colder like any other person would feel cold. It's not harder to warm up, and I sweat less often but I'm still a sweaty person. I just don't sweat aaaaalllll dayyyy lonnnggg like I did when I was obese.

20. What tips did you learn along the way that made it easier that you wish you would have known from the beginning, if any? I think it's mostly a perspective thing: weight loss won't get rid of BDD, eating to lose weight is more important than exercise (but you should exercise for physical fitness), and skin surgery removes excess skin but won't return my body to pre-obesity appearance. Other than that, keeping track and being honest with myself...if I'm eating something, I have to be accountable. I can't say, "It's just a little bit" or "It's not that many calories". I became obese by blindly consuming food, so I can't lose weight by turning a blind eye to some foods I eat.

If this has prompted any of you to ask another question, feel free to do so!

#weight loss #skin surgery #extreme weight loss #loose skin

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rainming7561-blog · 3 years

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8 Toxic Habits You Should Get Rid of to Improve Your Quality of Life

Avoiding them might change your whole life.

When I first tapped into personal development, I tried to build as many positive habits as possible.

I set up a morning routine, started to meditate, went to the gym frequently, and read at least one book per week.

Yet, a year later, I didn’t feel happier, more fulfilled, or improved.

And I didn’t understand why my life didn’t change even though I built all these new, powerful routines.

Change your habits and you’ll change your life is one of the bold promises of the self-help world and I didn’t know why it didn’t work for me.

But it’s true: Your routines can change your life.

Yet what I overlooked is that those good routines aren’t worth much if you don’t let go of your negative habits first.

Quite often, it’s our little, harmful routines that break our success, not the lack of good ones.

The following habits are certainly not easy to give up, but once you let go of them, you won’t only feel relieved but also much more energized in your daily life.

You make a mountain out of a molehill.

Did you ever make a great decision because you spent lots of time thinking about it?

Me neither.

The truth is that we never make good choices by overthinking.

According to Malcolm Gladwell, we make all our choices in the blink of an eye. Yet, we are not aware of it and want to have a logical reason. That’s why we overcomplicate most of our decisions.

In his book Blink, Gladwell explains how all our decisions are based on our intuition.

We don’t make the right decisions by thinking logically, we just try to find arguments for decisions we already made based on our gut feeling.

But life is so much easier and fun if you go with the flow, allow yourself to make mistakes, and correct your course on the way.

Spending time to think about problems or decisions might sound smart, but it isn’t.

Most people are overthinking everyday situations and end up spending hours and hours without producing results.

How to change it:

Small steps can lead to enormous changes: Why not try to choose your next meal in a restaurant quicker than you’d usually do?

Why not be the one who suggests where to go and what to do when hanging out with your friends instead of saying, “I don’t know.” or “I don’t care.”?

Try to take control of the small things in your life. Give your best to make the unimportant decisions as quickly as possible.

You are obsessed with other peoples’ opinions.

How often do you get discouraged because of other people’s opinions?

The odds are high that your answer is too often.

The bad news is that you’ll never be able to satisfy everybody. The good news, however, is that it doesn’t matter.

You have one life and you don’t need to waste it by living up to the standards of others.

How to change it:

You can’t be everybody’s darling, but you can indeed be your own hero and save yourself.

Stop muting your inner voice to satisfy others and start sharing your light with the world.

You are living for the weekend.

So many people waste their lives looking forward to the weekend.

This is a particularly dangerous trap for people who aren’t happy in their jobs and spend the whole week surviving instead of living.

But the truth is that weekends are just a small part of your life. You can’t be unhappy from Monday to Friday and expect the weekend to compensate for these negative feelings.

A week is a great period to set small, realistic goals and track your progress. And if you like what you do, each Monday is a new opportunity to create an amazing week.

How to change it:

Nobody hates Mondays. You either hate your job, your coworkers, your boss, or something else related to Monday, but certainly not the day itself.

If you live a life you love, you’ll appreciate each day as an opportunity to share your gift with the world.

Stop blaming Monday and identify the part of your life you really hate. That’s the only way to eliminate it and create a week and life you truly enjoy.

You are fearing change.

You don’t have to be cheerful about everything that happens in life. Yet, your fear shouldn’t hold you back.

We all know that things could be way worse at any point in our lives.

Even the fact that you are reading this article right now indicates that you are among the wealthier, more privileged people of the world.

Life is changing faster than ever before and we might be facing new challenges every single day. That’s why the most adaptable people will always win in the long run.

How to change it:

Stop being afraid is easier said than done, but it’s probably one of the most underrated pieces of advice.

Even if changes might be uncertain, there is almost always a positive aspect to them.

Most of us grow up being taught to play it safe, get a well-paid job, build security, and avoid changes. Yet, change can also mean improvement.

Every challenge in your life will help you to improve and become a better version of yourself. Be courageous, keep your eyes on the positive aspects, and try new things. And if it still gets too scary, ask yourself the following question:

What’s the worst thing that can happen?

Quite often, you’ll realize that the worst thing isn’t that bad.

You are trying to please everyone.

How often do you find yourself doing something just to make someone else happy?

Sure, sometimes, it’s great and necessary to do something just for the sake of making someone happy, but most of the time, the problem is our inability to say no.

If you can’t say no to the wrong things, you won’t be able to say hell yeah to the projects, people, and opportunities that truly excite you.

How to stop it:

Be aware of your self-worth. Remind yourself of what you want and what you need to do for it. Saying yes to others often means saying no to yourself.

If you always try to please others, you’ll be ignoring your own desires.

The first step, however, is to know what you are actually aiming for. You need to be aware of your life purpose, your goals, and your priorities.

Once you know your priorities and the things you want to achieve, you will waste less time on the wishes of others.

You are living paycheck to paycheck.

Every single day, we’re being bombarded with thousands of sales pitches. Making purchases is simpler than ever before and great marketers know how to catch our attention, even if we don’t need anything.

Yet the harsh truth is that overspending will not only ruin you financially, but it’ll also harm other areas of your life.

You can’t increase the quality of your life if you always live paycheck to paycheck and are surrounded by stuff you don’t need.

How to change it:

Get used to saving your money before spending it and avoid the trap of wasting your entire paycheck on consumer goods.

Sooner or later, you might face unexpected emergencies. When these situations occur, you’ll be glad to have a safety net instead of waiting for your next payment.

You are living in the past.

The surest way to live a miserable life is by spending too much time worrying about the past.

If you want to be happy and fulfilled, you need to learn how to be present and enjoy the small joys of everyday situations.

Instead of thinking about your past mistakes or fearing the future, try to be fully present right now. Because now is to only time you can influence and change.

You can’t change anything about the past, and you can’t determine your future. But you can give your very best to enjoy every moment and live intentionally.

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. “

— Buddha

How to change it:

Start focusing on the now. What can you do today to live your best life?

Set daily intentions, focus on your goals, and think of all the things you are grateful for.

Journaling, for example, is an excellent method to be more present and focus on the given moment. By writing down what you’re grateful for and what you feel at any given moment, you’ll learn to be more present and listen to your inner self.

You are talking yourself down.

Imagine having a friend who followed you 24/7, telling you things like:

“You’re too fat.”

“You’re ugly.”

“You can’t do that.”

“You aren’t worth it.”

Would you enjoy the company of that friend?

You probably wouldn’t.

Yet, too often, we are this friend ourselves. Most people are professionals in talking themselves down. But your relationship with yourself is the most important one.

You are the only person who’ll be with you forever.

So make sure to get on well with yourself and be your own cheerleader instead of your own critic.

“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

― Lao Tzu

How to stop it:

Focus on your strengths and achievements.

It’s easy to be confident and proud when you accomplish great things, but you need to be your own fan, even if you fail miserably.

Throughout your life, you will meet so many people who’ll try to discourage you or don’t respect your achievements.

But no matter what others say, you need to stay true to yourself.

Want to grow? Grab my free Personal Growth Toolkit with 42 effective & actionable tactics, resources & tools to elevate your life.

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milomeepit · 4 years

Text

An Untitled Document (Roman Angst Oneshot)

Ship: Roceit, background Analogical TW: Depression, anxiety, past abuse mention, unhealthy habits, dysphoria mention, brief eating disorder, death mention, bad family past, brief past mention of violence Word Count: 2k AN: ... yep.

Roman groaned as he tapped his fingers against the keyboard of his laptop. The sunlight streaming in through the window left a blinding white glare on the upper half of the screen, but he didn’t quite care enough to be bothered getting up and closing the curtain. He instead angled it down, sinking lower into the wooden dining chair. His back would surely complain later, but a shower would probably fix any aches or pains from the awkward position.

He wondered if he should get up and walk around for a bit, stretch his legs and give himself a break from his (apparently fruitless) efforts to work. But, then again, it seemed wrong to give himself a break when he hadn’t really done anything.

He had eaten breakfast- if cold leftover pizza and too-strong coffee counted as breakfast- and fed his pets. He’d even played with the cats for a while, and that had left a fleeting smile on his face as he sat down at the dining table with another cup of coffee and a bottle of soda to sip at while he worked.

The last dregs of coffee sat untouched in the cup, now cold and cloudy, while the soda was half-gone already. His teeth felt rough and slimy, coated in the absurd amounts of sugar from the unhealthy drink. The document on screen hadn’t changed since he sat down an hour and a half ago, the cursor blinking and taunting him. Sure, he’d written and rewritten and deleted a few hundred words, but nothing he’d written seemed good enough.

Writing was supposed to be his passion, the thing he could still grab and hold close to his chest when things got rough. It was all he had left at this point. He couldn’t dance anymore, not with the weak knees he’d inherited from his mother, and his own growing ankle issues from several years of working on his feet for whole days with no breaks. He couldn’t remember the last time he performed a song or in a play, the foggy memories of hot stage lights and elaborate costumes and giggling, whispered conversations in dressing rooms now leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. Drawing and painting was an option, still, but they were never really his, not after the ridicule he’d received through highschool from one particularly sharp-tongued art teacher.

Roman’s stomach growled, and he grimaced, glancing at the clock. Only eleven o’clock. He couldn’t eat until one, at the very least. He couldn’t let himself slip into comfort eating again, not when he still had a generously padded belly, not when flab swung off the bottom of his arms, not when his back fat poked unattractively out of the bottom of his binder, not when-

He shook his head, as if to clear it like one of the Etch A Sketch boards his nephew loved. He was in a bad enough headspace right now without spiralling down into a dysphoric, self-body-hating hellscape.

He instead turned his attention back to his phone, which sat on the table between him and his laptop, and continued scrolling blankly through social media. Memes and posts and videos flashed past his eyes, some of them drawing a faint smirk or an amused huff. He sent a few to Dee. He was well aware that his fiance was at work, but some of them would hopefully give him a smile when he went on break later.

He set his phone down again and took an absentminded swig from the bottle of soda. He winced as it grated against his teeth, the sugar almost hurting his teeth as it swirled down his throat. He ran his tongue over his teeth, prodding at them gently. He hissed sharply as he got to the loose one at the bottom of his mouth. Adults probably weren’t meant to have loose teeth, he thought to himself. He probably needed to see a dentist. When he could afford it. If he could afford it.

11:11am. Roman spent a few seconds trying to think of a wish, but before his mind could grasp a solid thought, the clock ticked over, and the moment was gone. It was all rubbish, anyway. Wishes didn’t come true, and life was cruel to those who didn’t deserve it. Dee was one of the best people he’d ever met, and certainly his favourite, yet he was a ball of anxiety and guilt complexes. He deserved to feel confident about himself, to love his laugh and his soft tummy and his small stature that put him at the perfect height for cuddling, to love his loud way of speaking and his passion for those he cared about. Roman certainly loved them, more than words could say.

He was jolted from his thoughts by his phone buzzing with a message from Dee. He must have been on break already. Roman had yet to pin down the break times scattered throughout his shift, so he never knew exactly when his beloved would be online during the day.

snakememesaremadeofthese [11:16]: good morning darling <3 how did you sleep? cocoa_crowns [11:16]: hi, love <33 alright, how’s work going? snakememesaremadeofthese [11:16]: oh, you know, same old same old. It’s.. a day pft snakememesaremadeofthese [11:17]: what are you up to? cocoa_crowns [11:17]: nothing much really, just dishes and laundry

That was a complete lie, but Roman couldn’t quite face telling Dee he hadn’t touched the chores they discussed last night. He fully intended to do them before Dee got home, that was for certain! Just... not right now.

snakememesaremadeofthese [11:17]: so, are you working this weekend or? cocoa_crowns [11:17]: i havent gotten a shift request yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ snakememesaremadeofthese [11:17]: all good, that means we can stay home over my long weekend, do some cleaning and stuff.

Roman let out a soft whine. He’d honestly been hoping that he would get a job request for the weekend, between rough finances and missing his older brother. Logan seemed happy to let them stay at his and Virgil’s house over the weekend when Roman was working, though that was likely because Roman was working for Virgil.

At least Dee usually didn’t seem to mind hanging out at their place while Roman was working. He spent most of his time with Logan and Virgil’s three year old son, Patton. Patton, for his part, adored Dee as if he’d hung the moon and stars in the sky with his own hand. It was cute to see, even if a tiny part of Roman stung with jealousy over being replaced as Patton’s favourite. He genuinely did love seeing the two of them cuddled up on the couch together, playing with toys or watching TV or talking.

It made him excited for the idea of having children, in all honesty. Dee had made his desire to one day have kids clear pretty early on, and Roman had to say he agreed. For a long time, he hated the idea of having children- mostly because he didn’t want to be pregnant, the very idea of it set off his dysphoria like an alarm bell- but he didn’t mind the idea of raising a child with Dee.

Speaking of... he turned back to the computer, squinting at the bright white screen. It was meant to be a story about adoption and found families and unconditional love and hope, but... he just couldn’t get it to click. No matter what he wrote, the tone didn’t feel right for what he was trying to hit. It was just... Wrong, and he hated himself for it.

Writing was meant to be the one thing. His thing. But it just wouldn’t flow, no matter how hard he tried, or what tips and tricks he tested out, or how many breaks he took, or what projects he tried to work on. He loved these stories and characters with his whole heart, and he knew people would be interested in this story- after all, he’d gotten a great reception from the first installment in his planned series. He could talk about them for hours, gush about his plans and ideas and characters, but when it came to actually writing them?

Not a chance.

His heart ached. He felt like he was spinning in the same circles as he had been for months. New house, an (ex boyfriend) friend turned vaguely irritating housemate, new pets, a possible new job that would pay well but he was certain he would loathe- despite Dee’s company during breaks- all of these changes were throwing him off rhythm, and while he was sure that they were for the best, and long term, they would help him live a Happy Life, it was upsetting.

A small, shameful part of him wanted to go home. Not home back to the shared house he had been miserable in, despite only living there for a few short months, not home back to Logan and Virgil’s house, but back to the house he grew up in. It was filthy and toxic, and the people there weren’t much better, but it was familiar. It was regular. He knew how to navigate the treacherous landscape of rotting food left piled in the kitchen, of insults screamed over minute irritations, of the stench from medical issues improperly treated, of prescription medications abused and leaving the mother who was meant to protect him in a drug induced haze, of his father bellowing and throwing things and breaking precious objects and walls (and, in some terrifying cases, people), of the two middle brothers fighting and not understanding why it upset him so. He knew how to try and keep the peace, and how to cope when he failed, as was so often the case in that household. He knew who to talk to and who to avoid in that neighborhood, who to run to if he got in a fight, who to stand up against and who to back down from. The scars from knife wounds in his youth had taught him lessons more valuable than his rundown school ever had.

He didn’t realise that he was crying until a fat tear plopped onto the dining table, narrowly missing his phone screen. He hated that he missed it. He hated that he missed his father, despite swearing off contact with him after coming away from their last conversation with a black eye. He hated that both he and Logan were deliberately keeping their mother at arm’s length, trying to save themselves from the pain of her likely-approaching death. He hated that his other brothers were good people, people he loved, and he couldn’t even go near them anymore out of fear for their parents.

Roman glanced at the clock blinking in the lower corner of his computer screen. An hour and a half had passed since Dee had messaged him, and he hadn’t moved from his slouched position at the dining table. He probably had roughly three hours to do everything else he needed to do before Dee got home. That should be plenty of time. Should be.

He noticed numbly that he hadn’t yet changed out of his pyjamas, just thrown on the cat hoodie he’d bought at a convention a few years ago to show it to the kittens and see if they would cuddle up in the large pocket on the front. He probably needed to shower, as well. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d bathed.

... Well, that wasn’t entirely accurate. He knew he’d had a bath at least semi-recently, because he remembered using one of the bath bombs that he and Dee had gotten at the pharmacy near Logan’s house the other weekend.

He twisted a finger into his hair, pulling his fringe down over his eyes to inspect it. It didn’t feel too greasy, and it looked fine. He was probably fine. Though he should at least wash his face, to deal with his blotchy cheeks and red eyes, if nothing else. Maybe slap on some makeup and go for a walk in the pleasant weather outside. Take the dog with him, wander around town a bit.

As he stared out the window at Dee’s dog, who was sprinting wildly up and down her tether, probably chasing some bug or lizard, he felt his heart sink. He knew he wasn’t going to do any of that. Pipe dreams for someone with far more energy and functionality than he possessed lately.

So, instead, trying his best to ignore the looming sense of dread he felt, and the anxiety he could feel building over Dee’s return and subsequent disappointment over his lack of productivity, he turned his still tear-blurred gaze back to the too-bright screen of the laptop, readied his fingers over the keyboard, and attempted once again to write.

Depression, anxiety, past abuse mention, unhealthy habits, dysphoria mention, brief eating disorder, death mention, bad family past, brief past mention of violence

#milo writes #roman sanders #sanders sides #deceit sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roceit #analogical #depression #dysphoria mention #death mention #violence mention #anxiety #fanfic #fanfiction #thomas sanders #fun fact roman cried because i did :)#fun fact the second i pretty much want to die right now :)

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bafflinghaze · 5 years

Text

Just Be

Being a pureblood, being a queer man, being Draco Malfoy, image was everything to him. Except, these days, Draco can’t meet those standards. He can’t do what people are telling him to do: be it to lose the weight, or love his body.

But perhaps...he could just be.

Rating: PG

Word Count: 1.4k

Contains: Chubby Draco Malfoy, Jealousy, Body Image, Body Neutrality, a Harry Potter who wants to be a good boyfriend but he has to get the boyfriend job first

Trigger warnings: discussion of body issues and negative thoughts

Notes: This is written for @ssenbonzakuraa 🤗😘 I hope you like it.

This was read over and beta’ed by @potter-loves-malfoy / HeyItsGem 🤗

Read on AO3 or below.

Draco tried not to look in the mirror as he went to open his wardrobe. But as always, his eyes drew to it, and a sense of gagging crawled up his throat. Dressed in only a towel around his waist, everything was so clear. Too clear:

From the pink flush in his cheeks, hot from his shower; to the curve in his face and chin where there should have been sharp lines, to the swell of his waistline. There was no hair to make him a bear; no muscle to make him masculine, and too much fat to make him attractive.

“Hmm, better work out,” his mirror said. “Not much of a Malfoy, are you?”

“Oh, fuck off,” Draco growled. He opened the wardrobe heavily and grabbed a pair of black robes with the thinnest, most subtle vertical slimming lines of dark grey. A high collar that hid the fat in his neck, and billowing material to hide the shape of his body. He was but one step from charming extra undetectable space in the folds.

Except, he couldn’t hide from himself. And if he hid, other people would know he had something to hide.

Oh, his mother implied it was fine, encouraging Draco to eat more at the table. She pinched his chubby cheeks, and told him that she loved him.

And for his old school friends...only Millicent was not slim, but the butch dyke aesthetic fitted her like a rough and ready pair of gloves. It wasn’t the same for queer witches, anyway.

A house-elf appeared with a pop. “Your mother and Harry Potter are awaiting you in the gardens.”

“I’m coming,” Draco retorted. He held out his hand, and the elf disapparated him to Malfoy Manor’s rose gardens.

A semi-opaque awning floated above the garden table and chairs upon which his mother and Potter sat. His mother was dressed in pale yellow robes with a sheer silver over-robe, beautiful and slim. Harry Potter was dressed in muggle style trousers and a short sleeve shirt, hair a riot on lean arms and head, and a neat, small beard.

Potter gave him a crooked grin that had his stomach flipping. Draco forced the emotion down and tried to smile back pleasantly. After all, Potter was a saint—he smiled at everyone, from ugly babes newly born to the grungiest hag. So instead, Draco took a deep breath and kept the pleasant smile on his face and took a seat the table.

“Well, I must retire,” Narcissa announced at the end of the meal. “Why don’t you boys spend some time together?”

“I’m sure Potter has other things to do—” Draco started immediately.

But Potter gave a big smile. “I would love to.”

With a sense of disquiet, Draco’s mother departed, leaving Draco alone with Potter. Potter stood, rolling his shoulders, muscles flexing.

Uncomfortably, Draco stood too, casting a discreet freshening charm on himself. “Shall we explore Mother’s gardens, then?”

“I helped her plant some of it,” Potter said easily. “But, lets.”

They walked in silence, and Draco tried very hard not to look at the perfection that was Harry Potter.

“Actually,” Potter finally said, “I’m being selfish.”

Draco snorted. “Really?” He glanced at Potter, who was grinning sheepishly.

“Lunches with you and your mother are great, but...could we have dinner together? Just the two of us?”

Draco’s heart skipped a beat. Did that mean—except, it couldn’t be true. It was probably just a horrible joke. “I’m no fool,” he spat out.

Potter flinched. “Draco, I mean it.”

Draco turned and faced him square on, fists clenched by his side. “Don’t play coy with me, Potter. What’s your motive?”

Potter nibbled his bottom lip. “I...I want you...um...”

Draco scowled. “Yes?”

Potter shook his head. “I just wanted to cook for you, and you know...” A flush crawled up his cheeks.

But Draco felt cold. “What? Are you going to make me eat healthy food? Or, do you want to feed me?”

Potter’s eyes widened, he quickly shook his head. “Merlin, no! I didn’t mean it like that.” He ran a hand through his hair. “For fuck’s sake, I like you, Draco Malfoy. So can we please go on a date?”

“You don’t.” Draco shook his head. “Why? How? I’m...” His mind supplied words like disgusting and ugly and even... he couldn’t bear to say any of them aloud.

“You’re—you’re really making me do this?” Potter begged. But he must have caught something in Draco’s demeanour, for Potter pressed his lips together and stood up straighter. “You’re funny, and you’re sarcastic, and our humour is the same, and fuck, I could listen to you talk about potions for hours even though I hate potions, but you just make everything so interesting. And, your eyes are amazing, and I’ve secretly wanted to touch your hair for years...”

And Potter was dancing around the erumpent in the gardens. “I’m not what I used to be,” Draco said.

“But, of course—I’m really sorry that you have to contend with Death Eater remarks even now—”

“That’s not what I meant! I’m not fucking handsome anymore! You deserve someone amazing. Like Ginerva Weasley, even,” Draco spat.

Potter reach out for Draco’s hands. Draco yanked them away.

“But...I like you. All of you.”

“You like people like me, then?” Draco sneered. “Go chase some other overweight wizard.”

Potter’s face fell. He took a deep breath. “You...I liked you before, got it? I like you now, too—”

Draco’s heart was racing, and a part of him was overjoyed, but he just couldn’t believe Potter’s words. “So you’ll just pretend that I’m not.”

“Draco. It’s—” Potter gave a heavy sigh. “So you’re saying that if I like you regardless of your weight, then I somehow hate your weight and am ignoring it. But if I like all of you, including how you look, then I have a fat kink. I can’t win, can I?”

Draco flinched back. “No.”

“Well...” Potter’s face fell. “I’m still offering for dinner. As just friends. I don’t want to lose our friendship.”

“I’ll owl you,” Draco said stiffly. “Let me escort you out.”

Potter tried to smile, but he failed, miserably. Draco tried not to look at him.

Draco’s mind was foggy all throughout dinner with his mother that evening. It remained heavy as he got into bed.

Potter liked him.

Potter had to be lying.

But Potter liked him.

Draco was set up to fail, regardless.

But there was something off about Potter’s words. Why did Potter mention his Death Eater past? Sure, it made the papers in a regular fashion whenever a crime appeared, but Draco knew he was more than his teenage self. And he knew Potter didn’t mind it: after all, Potter had testified for Draco even before they were friends.

Thoughts chased themselves around Draco’s head, and he fell into a fitful sleep.

When Draco woke up, something clicked in his mind.

Draco thought Potter’s comment about his Death Eater past was odd, because Draco had moved on. He’d stopped caring, for the most part, about it. He had done his community service, he was working hard to be better, he was helping people with his potions and potions research.

Having been a death eater was a part of him, but it didn’t define him.

How was being...being fat any different?

He didn’t have to love the journey of his teenage years to what he was now. He didn’t have to love his body.

He didn’t need to look pretty to make potions. He didn’t need to look handsome to conduct research. His body just was, a necessity for him to do what he wanted to do. He was so much more than the Dark Mark on his arm; so why couldn’t he be much more than the weight on his body?

Draco got out of bed, feeling the sense of pressure and judgemental eyes shedding off of him.

He still went and dressed in customary black robes with the thin stripes, but he did like the robes and the fall of them.

And he owled Potter: for dinner as friends. As for more...that was on the table, too. Draco just needed to be brave enough to allow himself to be happy as he was. And somehow, he had the feeling that he’d get there.

Fin.

#drarry #my writing #chubby!Draco Malfoy

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xiaomomowrites · 5 years

Text

day’s not over yet

Attack on Titan | Eruri

Summary: Cleaning is his way of coping, he knows. It’s a futile attempt to clean the blood off his hands. The evening begins to settle through the window, pulling the sun and it’s warmth with it down into the horizon where it's sure to come back in the morning, should they be alive to see it. The room’s getting cold, and Erwin’s getting restless. “I’m sorry.”

Find it on fanfiction.net y’all :D {mikasa-heichou}

A/N: I’ve been rewatching AOT with my sister and we both forgot how badass Erwin actually is lol. I have so much respect for that man, I miss him. I wanted to write this to kind of get into Levi’s head and project a lot of my feelings onto the both of them and see how it turned out, and I’m happy with how it’s looking. I hope somewhere, someone can relate to this and find some solace in the fact that they’re not alone. Thank you for reading, leave me some love~

At this point, there were bound to be more losses and deaths than wins. Even little wins. Their world, cursed with Titans, left little to no room for blissful domesticity. Those who indulge in and entertain the thought of a merry life following the uncertain victory over the Titan-riddled world were deluded and annoyingly optimistic, and yet, Levi found himself holding some degree of respect for them. It was not easy maintaining hope in these kind of conditions.

The expedition was a failure. A horrible one, at that. The amount of blood shed was truly atrocious. Petra, Gunter, Eld, Oluo, all gone in the blink of a fucking eye. Levi was devastated, to say the absolute least. No amount of consoling and blame could fill the void in his heart at the moment. And yet he was still tasked with carrying the mission through to the end. He was a soldier, the Commander’s right hand man, there was no room for mistakes, even if the margin for error was rather vast.

“Commander, what are all these deaths even for?!

Disgusting. He leads all these people into battle with no real objective. We’re paying our taxes for this miserable dump of ‘soldiers’?

Give me my son, Smith! I want my son back, you bastard! His blood is on your hands, now pay for your sins!

You’re killing us, Erwin. You’re killing us! This is on you! This will always be on you!”

The door closed behind him. Levi slumped against the heavy oak, drawing a heavy sigh as he gently tugged at the cravat that was no longer white. Stained red, instead, with the death of many soldiers. His soldiers. He wandered aimlessly around his quarters, peeling off layers and unbuckling old metal. Levi reaches down to pull his boots off when his ankle suddenly screams at him to stop whatever he was doing. Pain jolts up his leg and into his hip as he moves to try to settle around the injury. After the troops were brought back into the walls, Levi had disappeared into his room to think before anyone else could try to talk to him, or worse, coax him into getting his ankle checked.

He scowled, stumbling to sit on the edge of his bed. He heaved a breath and attempted once more, only for it to bitch at him again.

Trouble.

Levi was near cutting off the leg as a means to get the boot off so long as it meant he could lay the fuck down without dirtying his bed. Bloodied sheets wouldn’t matter, anyway. Not when your heart was so numb it no longer did what it was supposed to do.

His mind began spiraling again, delving into its deepest, darkest pits. The images of death raced through his mind again. Petra, slumped against a tree. Gunter, hanging like a freshly slaughtered pig. Eld, bitten in half as if he were a vegetable someone tried to eat but couldn’t bring themselves to stomach the bitter taste. Oluo, bright eyes dead and devoid of any life. Disgusting, it was disgusting. Filthy, so fucking filthy. So much blood, so much death. Gone, gone, they’re gone. You can’t bring them back. You failed them again. You failed, you failed, you f-

There’s a hand on his shoulder. His mind snapped back to reality, eyes refocusing as if his soul re enters his body after dissociating via astral projection. Levi looks up somberly, gray eyes meeting numb blue ones.

The commander reaches down and angles the mangled boot to where it can slip off without causing any pain. It goes willingly. So does the other one, and the buttons on his shirt, too. He lets Erwin take care of him, surprisingly enough, and not a single word is spoken. It doesn’t have to be, and that’s the thing. The company is enough. Erwin is enough, but no one seems to think it.

His mind flashes to a minor interaction they had before.

“Levi, replenish you blades and your gas.”

“Why? It won’t be long before we get back.”

“That’s a direct order.”

Levi glances back up at him, only slightly irked that he pulled rank. “I’ll trust your judgement, Erwin.”

A small part of him wishes Erwin wouldn’t pull rank like that anymore. He should know by now, that he’d follow him to the ends of the earth, whether or not he was Commander. To most people, Levi’s attitude towards Erwin would be questionable. Never calling him “Commander Erwin” and just “Erwin”, dropping curse words in his presence, sometimes talking back and making crude jokes, Levi could see how that would come off to other people. To him, however, it was rather transparent where his loyalties lied. He placed all his eggs in one basket, yet never once regretted it. Hell, Erwin could be a beet farmer, and he’d participate in a stupid beet cleanse if he said it’d be good for them.

Before he knows it, Levi is clad in a loose white v-neck and loose gym shorts. The captain glances at the taller man, who is now seen following the same routine. So, Levi pays him back the best way he knows how. He pops open the first button. Then the next, and the next, until a familiar white tank is revealed underneath. The fabric hugs Erwin’s frame; every inch is roped with muscle but soaked with stress. Levi thinks for a moment that Erwin would be much softer if stress hadn’t tensed his entire body up. He’s heard from Hanji before of the adorable fat in Erwin’s cheek that once took residence there long before the weight of Commander was slammed onto his shoulders. Looking at him now, his face was sunken in. Tired eyes accompanied the wrinkles between his eyebrows that Levi somehow had grown fond of.

He finds himself reaching out to poke there with two fingers, barely smiling to himself when Erwin catches himself frowning.

His bolo tie is hastily removed and placed on the dresser next to Levi’s bed, next to the empty teacup that was disappointingly cold that morning. Had he known about how the day was about to go, he might have appreciated it a little more.

“It’s my fault.”

Erwin finally speaks when they get to a particularly infuriating buckle on his thigh. Levi glances up, and says nothing; nimble, calloused fingers just go back to work until he’s folding both of their clothes as Erwin just helps himself to Levi’s bed. He leans back on the pillows, a knee coming up to act as an armrest. His head knocks back on the wall behind him. Levi is still silent as he places the clothes in a drawer.

He moves around the room and organizes his things where he didn’t notice were out of place before. Levi pushes in his chair, straightens the paper on his desk, even adjusts the tea cup to where the handle was exactly parallel to the table’s edge and the circumference of the porcelain plate beneath it fits perfectly into the corner. Levi pushes the books on the shelf back until their pages are pressed against the wood, finding some kind of odd satisfaction as his room starts looking like that of a dollhouse.

Cleaning is his way of coping, he knows. It’s a futile attempt to clean the blood off his hands. The evening begins to settle through the window, pulling the sun and it’s warmth with it down into the horizon where it's sure to come back in the morning, should they be alive to see it. The room’s getting cold, and Erwin’s getting restless.

“Levi,” he croaks when he still hasn’t settled in next to him. “I’m sorry.”

The said man freezes.

“Your squad, they all… I’m sorry, Levi. It’s my fault.”

Levi feels an entire monologue coming up his throat. He shifts quietly on his feet and glances at the sad commander. And it’s easy, it’s so easy, to turn around and start yelling, “Of course it’s your fault, you fucking numbskull. You led us too far into this battle. The only reason you want to reclaim Maria is for your own sick satisfaction, so stop saying it’s about humanity,” he could simply-- so easily-- bite out, “you are the reason Petra died. You are the reason I’m left with barely anything again--”

But it’s not right. Of course it isn’t, and Levi’s stronger than that, anyway. The thought barely crosses his mind before it’s dismissed and gone forever. So instead, he climbs over to him. They sit so that Levi is next to Erwin’s monstrous legs, left hand placed underneath the blond’s raised knee. The raven-haired man reaches his other hand out to grip Erwin’s. Significantly smaller, but perfect for the latter’s. He rubs his thumb across calloused knuckles to urge him to go on.

“It feels… empty.” Erwin points to his chest, and Levi’s never related to anything else more. “We need- we need to take back what’s ours but I just- I just can’t seem to fucking figure it out without sending thousands off to a pointless death and I’m. Delusional. I’m delusional.”

It’s the most he’s said in the last couple of hours, but Levi knows it’s been there since he was announced commander. It’s hard to dance with a devil on your back, he thinks. Levi looks at him with pity in his eyes; this is the man he’s supposed to lay his life down for. This massive, probably insane, borderline suicidal bastard who wants nothing more than to be free. Fuck it, he’ll do it.

“Hey.” He finally responds, “None of that, Erwin. Not now.” It’s so easy to hate yourself; to point the blame to everyone and everything instead of accepting the truth. It’s easy, but it’s not right. The right choice is never an easy choice. But you, you were the one who told me, to make the choice I’ll regret the least.

The words don’t leave his mouth.

“My squad died because they chose to. In the moment where their lives were on a thread, they made the decision to fight and die for the greater good. It wasn’t my choice to make, and neither was it yours.” It sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself than anything, “Everyone that died today died bravely. I’ll make sure it doesn’t go in vain.”

Erwin gives him a look. “You can’t possibly put that much on your shoulders.”

“Then why do you put so much on yours?” Levi is quick to call out his hypocrisy.

He scoots closer regardless. Levi takes the hand he’s holding and wraps it around his waist, reaching forward until his left arm is wrapped around the other man’s neck while his other hugs Erwin’s arm, and the commander just melts. If the circumstances were different, maybe he’d make a comment about how a guy as large as Erwin can turn into putty at such a simple gesture, but it was hardly the time. If that doesn’t scream touch starvation, Levi doesn’t know what will.

Erwin drops his head into Levi’s neck. His arm comes around to enclose his petite frame completely and pull him snug against him. He’s mindful of his injury, however, and makes sure not to jostle the ankle too much. Levi’s sitting sideways in his lap now, not that he’s complaining. He cards his finger underneath the blond’s undercut, gently tugging as he coaxes the man down from a breakdown. Levi gently rocks them back and forth. He turns his head and presses his lips to Erwin’s temple. A simple gesture of comfort, but seemingly all they need. His hand trails up and down the latter’s muscular back, fingertips drawing lazy circles into his shoulder blades.

Nothing could be done about the situation. Death is something that is tragically inevitable, but that doesn’t make it any easier to cope with. Levi feels his eyes sting as a pain finally weighs in on his chest. Being with his commander seems to lift the numbness from off his breastbone, the absence of its weight allowing the pain and regret to rapidly seep into his very being. And suddenly, tears are falling into Erwin’s hair. He refuses to entertain this feeling, though. So he drops his head to nuzzle his jaw before pressing a kiss there, and finally resting his cheek against his shoulder. They could fall asleep like that.

It would be easy to nod off and forget about the world around them, to stay wrapped around each other as the fire burns around their bodies. It would be effortless to turn their backs on their duties, turn a blind eye to the death and tragedy that has become their lives.

But alas, the day’s not over yet.

#attack on titan #aot #snk #shingeki no kyojin #aot fanfic #fanfiction #levi ackerman #levi #erwin smith #erwin #eruri #erwin x levi #fanfic #snk fanfic #my heart hurts #rip erwin #i miss him hggg #introspection

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basement-critics · 6 years

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The REAL Truth About Being Trans

(This is the transcript from Greg's newest, video. I left out the "jokes" he makes with his characters because they didn't add anything other than being annoying and to feed his ego, there also may be some typing errors, my hand was starting to cramp)

"Hey there, I want to talk about mental illness. You know, something people associate with psychopaths. Just like crazy people, you know can't have a conversation with them they're fucking nuts. You, know mentally ill.

Would you say, fat people are mentally ill? “NO!”

Yes I agree with you, fat people are not mental ill. But some of them, there are some people who get surgery because they are so fat. Not everyone gets surgery because they are so fat, some fat people accept themselves for the way they are.

“And some people work the fat off"

Yes they do child molester Benny, some fat people work it off.

And then there's some people who want breast augmentations, some people get their boobs altered. And then they suddenly feel better about themselves.

Other people aren't happy with their dong size, and then they get surgery and then they feel better.

And some people get their leg blown off so they get a robot leg attached instead.

And some people get chin implants, right Leafyishere?

Are any of these people, any of them, mentally ill? None of those people are inherently mentally ill even though they want to take surgical action against themselves, to cure the mental illness they didn't have.

Mental illness is something that happens in your brain, if you are gay, you aren't mentally ill, even though your brain is literally different.

Yes you aren't mentally ill if your brain is different, you're just gay. You're not mentally ill if you are bi, your not mentally ill if you are a “straight” man into Andy Biersack.

So I ask you, why is it that despite the World Health Organization saying that trans, gender dysphoria, is not a mental illness.

Why are people still insistent when 75% of people who get surgery to make them more like the gender they identify as feel better. Just like how all these other people who get surgeries on their body feel better after they get these surgeries.

Oh my god, that's snowflakes falling all over the trans community, but they don't realize that they aren't mentally ill and they are the same as the rest of us.

“Which means no gaslighting!”

Yes god which means no gaslighting, no one can really gaslight the trans community anymore because as a result of this “mental illness” because there is no mental illness.

They want to be diagnosed with this mental illness so they can have approval to get top surgery, to get bottom surgery or whatever they need to get done. When really a mental illness typically has nothing to do with your physical body, and has everything to do with what is exclusively up here and not at all related to the rest of you.

So please, the next time you see a trans person, don't treat them like they are mentally ill. Treat them just like you would treat everyone else.

There are people with tits, and they think that their tits are too small, or to big. Some get surgery, some accept who they are and do nothing, and some *mimes jogging* do this till they no longer exist because that's what some athletes do.

Now I know what this whole transtrender thing is about, what you want is to make sure nobody mixes you up with the other people so you can't be approved for surgery. Because if this person is fine being trans and not getting surgery, then that might mean what you have isn't quite as serious.

Even though it is serious, it's as the person who cries every night because their boobs aren't big enough. It's just as serious as the guy who has a tiny chin and wants to get surgery so he can finally take a profile pic. It's just as serious as someone who is horribly morbidly obese and is actually physically crippled onto of being emotionally crippled and mentally crippled as a result of their physical situation. You want surgery so you can function in the real world like a normal everyday person.

Just because their is a women out there who is flat chested who doesn't want to go under the knife just to get bigger boobs doesn't mean her desire to have bigger boobs isn't real. And just there is a fat person out there who is like “you know what I'm fat, I wish I was skinny, I cry myself to sleep every night, wishing I was skinny. Just because I exist doesn't mean every day i don't with I was skinny!”

Dysporphia, dysmenorrhea, there are people wishing they are something and there are people who just feel like something so illregular and they just got to be that thing. But either way their discomfort in life, their crushing desires not being met, their both valid. And real, and they should both be given the name that belongs to them.

If someone doesn't want to be called fat you shouldn't call them fat. If someone doesn't want to be called a boy you shouldn't call them a boy. If someone says “don't say, OH HEY A CRIPPLE!!” every time they walk in the room then you should respect that.

But for some reason there are so many people who think they're more valid than others, because they're willing to achieve their goals in a different way. And that unfair.

Not everyone has to mutilate themselves to be seen as a person experiencing struggle.

So please, go out there and treat each other with more respect. Treat each other with more appreciation and love. Because it is not people with dysphoria or dysmorphia that experience suffering and pain exclusively in this world.

What I'm saying is, being trans is not a mental illness. Just like hating being predisposed to obesity because everyone would shove junk food in your mouth ad a kid and now your addicted to the damn stuff and you just can't kick it, is not a mental illness. Just like hating the chest you were born with, being miserable that your chest didn't grow like your sister's grew for some reason, is not a mental illness.

No if you guys really want to understand a mental illness, that's what I was diagnosed with, and that's “major depression”. It has nothing to do with anything than what's going on in my head, it's something I can't physically change about myself to fix. I can't get corrective surgery to make myself feel better, it's not going to happen. Because what I have is not a physical problem, it is a mental problem.

The W.H.O said that trans people, people with dysphoria are not mentally ill, because it's obvious. Just like gay people aren't mentally ill, and just like so many people who want physical modifications to their bodies just so they can feel better about themselves are not mentally ill. They're just uncomfortable.

So if you want to gaslight somebody, I'm the person you gaslight. Because I'm actually fucked up.

But maybe the real go should be that you are treated the same as people who want breast augmentations surgery, or people who want liposuction surgery, it's just a physical thing you want to change about yourself and that's perfectly fine and not a mental illness.

And then there are people with real, legitimate mental illness that the W.H.O actually recognizes. Such as people with schizophrenia, people who are bipolar, people who regularly slip into a stage of depression that makes all of life seem pointless to life, because what is the point really?

Look at everyone else, we're all doing the same thing, we're all just going to die, what's the point. What's the difference between “CALM DOWN"

I hope this was a learning experience for all of you. And if you were born a boy and you wish you were a girl, or you were born a girl and you just don't identify as, “what is this”. That's perfectly fine, that's perfectly healthy, there's nothing you should feel bad about or ashamed of.

Alright, good talk."

#anti onision #anti onision community #onision #video #drama #it's time to stop #to stop #you need to stop #stop it

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monstersdownthepath · 6 years

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Monster Spotlight: The Whisperer

CR 20

Neutral Evil Large Fey

Pathfinder Bestiary 6, pg. 276~277

While the inspiration for this creature is obvious when you read its page, the picture unfortunately doesn’t properly convey what this being is. It’s described as a “luminous shape” where “a pale light shines where its face should be,” rather than a naked Not-So-Slender Man. Still, though, this creature is Pathfinder’s answer to Slender Man, and has the potential to be both the subtle, corrupting presence the original story set him up to be, and the outright brutal horror movie villain he eventually became, depending on the needs of the party.

The Whisperer is a fey, an old fey, one of the most alien of all the fey, and it lays claim to stretches of primeval wilderness up to 10 miles in diameter each time it emerges into the Material Plane. In this Primeval Landscape, navigation becomes effectively impossible as Survival checks made to find your way through increase by 20. Not to 20, by 20, more or less shutting out anyone that didn’t specifically build themselves around the Survival skill. Even magical navigation of the highest level must succeed a caster level check with a DC of 31, or the magic instead leads the victim directly to the Whisperer instead. We’ll get into why that’s awful in just a bit, but we’re not quite done with the dangers of the Primeval Landscape, which is a big part of why the Whisperer is such a threat.

The spell Supreme Curse Terrain is rarely used by players, but it’s lethal in the hands of DMs. The Primeval Landscape is always under the effects of Supreme Curse Terrain, and is thus capable of playing host to up to 7 environmental hazards at a time, each up to CR 17 by themselves. What’s a hazard? Going into each of them would stretch this article longer than I have the will or power to write (and I can already tell this is gonna be a long one), but take a look for yourself (that’s three different links!). MAN that’s a lot of danger! Bottomless pits, magic-eating plants, negative energy fields, insect swarms, and grasping vines are just a small sampling of the horrors you can find wandering in the Whisperer’s domain, and even if you defeat or destroy the source of the danger, the fey automatically replaces them 24 hours later (either resetting the hazard or creating an entirely new one). And this isn’t getting into the wildlife; the Whisperer attracts malevolence from the Material Plane and the First World alike, assuring that each landscape it invades gets filled with nasty, bloodthirsty encounters to keep even high level parties on their toes.

And finally, there’s the hallucinations. The Primeval Landscape isn’t healthy to remain inside for very long, anyone spending 24 hours inside forced to make a DC 30(!) Will save or have their mind driven further towards the edge of breaking. There is a five-step “track” or “ladder” system in play concerning the type of madness a character suffers, with each failed saving throw moving a victim down the ladder, and each day outside of the cursed landscape moving a victim up the ladder.

Stage 1: The world becomes just a bit darker. The victim begins to feel unsettled by otherwise mundane events, which seem ominous or hostile to them, and become sickened.

Stage 2: In addition to being sickened, the landscape seems to twist and warp between eyeblinks, allies and enemies shrouded by impossible shadows and impenetrable whispers. All of their movement speeds are halved and they treat all creatures as if they had concealment.

Stage 3: The hallucinations overtake the real world, and it becomes difficult for the victim to sort out what’s real and what’s not. In addition to the previous debuffs, the victim is also staggered.

Stage 4: Everything becomes too much. Paranoia and pain become so overwhelming that the victim is nauseated.

Stage 5: The victim is slain, their body and mind broken.

Yeah. You have five days to get out of the Primeval Landscape before you straight up die, though those with hardier minds and beefier Will saves can last a bit longer, provided they don’t mind dealing with their increasingly-useless allies. Thankfully, the use of Greater Restoration and Psychic Surgery can move someone a step up the ladder (provided they aren’t dead), and Wish/Miracle moves someone off the ladder entirely. In a vacuum, this seems almost pathetically easy to overcome. In practice? It’s difficult to get a good night’s sleep to recharge your spells when you’re surrounded on all sides by danger. Hope you remembered to pack Tiny Hut or Magnificent Mansion.

Though the Whisperer has ways around even that, and I don’t just mean its at-will Greater Dispel Magic, though that plays a significant part of it. The fey is Unsuspected when not being viewed directly, all of its rolls made in secret, out of sight or earshot of the players. This is to make sure the players don’t know they’ve been targeted by the fey, not until it’s far too late. Its Compel Sacrifice is especially insidious in this regard; it can use Triggered Suggestion at will, planting a Suggestion in the victim’s consciousness that they don’t remember or recall up until a specific condition is met, at which point the Suggestion triggers and compels them to carry it out. With Compel Sacrifice, the Whisperer can bypass the usual restriction on Suggestion and force the victim to perform self-destructive actions, the book helpfully giving an example in “the next time you speak to a loved one, you tell them how much you hate them and then try and drown yourself.” Since it can use Triggered Suggestion at will, it can silently follow behind an adventuring party, Unsuspected as it weaves instructions into their minds to kill each other and then themselves at the moment they’re at their weakest.

Unsuspected also means their 3/day Quickened Confusion can seem like a sudden stress-induced breakdown in those who fail the save against it, further dividing up the group until the horror can seek them out one at a time to dispatch them. The Whisperer is not a being that kills quickly, as suggested by its Primeval Landscape‘s 5-day funtime plan. It takes things slowly, carefully, carving pieces from its targets one chunk at a time before retreating with its at-will Etherealness, Transport Via Plants, or Wind Walk. It can reach out with up to six winding, misty tendrils, impossible to distinguish from true fog, their merest touch dealing 3d10 damage to the victim from up to 20ft away while bypassing hardness and damage reduction. The wounds inflicted by these tendrils are Cursed Wounds; not true scars or tears, but deep, bloodless craters in the victim’s flesh that never heal on their own and require anyone trying to heal them to perform a DC 31 caster level check or their attempt fails completely. They can heal through Fast Healing or Regeneration, but any attempt at a magical cure will be met with that fat caster level roadblock.

While it has many spell-likes and powers that can make anyone traveling through its Primeval Landscape miserable, including at-will Control Weather, Dream and Nightmare, and 1/day Earthquake, the worst thing a Whisperer can do is place someone in an Inescapable Curse. If you thought circling helplessly through a cursed land was bad, once per day the Whisperer can curse someone to be unable to leave its domain even if they manage to find their way out. Someone so cursed will become dangerously obsessed with remaining in the domain even as it slowly kills them, refusing all attempts to actually leave and even attacking people who try to make them. If they’re removed from the Primeval Landscape, they automatically become sickened... and then get pulled back in the next time they close their eyes to rest, as if by Greater Teleport.

The Whisperer views civilization itself as a contamination, one to be scrubbed away. It will rarely leave its domain except to find a new one, but like the Slender Man it can take agents to do its bidding, creating servants to aid it with the destruction of the civilized world. Though it can implant suggestions, the Whisperer has no ability to magically control a victim (aside from wild beasts with its Dominate Animals), but it can suspend or remove the cumulative effects of its Primeval Landscape from those who willingly serve it (or those it wishes to savor). It can break its victims over days or even weeks with its hit-and-run tactics, whittling them down until they either die or supplicate themselves before the fey, ready to follow its orders and its many Suggestions.

The Whisperer can be a terrifying foe if played right, or a frustratingly uninteractive encounter if used incorrectly. Even if the party manages to pull it into a pitched battle, its Aura of Whispers means that everyone within 120ft of it must make the DC 30 Will save to avoid moving down the track of the Primeval Domain’s lethal hallucinations every round instead of every day, letting it quickly snuff out the weak-willed and cripple those with stronger Will saves and imposing an incredibly harsh time limit to its fights. It’s not a creature to just introduce into your campaign as a one-shot villain; It’s a self-contained horror campaign with a potential built-in plot hook (rescuing a victim or an ally who got hit with the Inescapable Curse), and it can potentially carry a whole multi-session adventure by itself.

It’s one of the most complex creatures across all six bestiaries, as evidence by this enormous page I’ve written out (and there’s STILL a lot I haven’t covered), and a DM wishing to use it should carefully design a campaign around it rather than including it for the sake of letting the party encounter the Slender Man.

You can read a whole lot more about it here.

#Monster Spotlight #CR 16 to 20 #Pathfinder #Dungeons and Dragons

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fatphobiabusters · 6 years

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“Is it okay to make changes to my diet if I am doing so for x reason?”

We have been getting this question a lot. And I am not going to lie to you, the question is actually getting really annoying for me.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate that people want to be sure that they aren’t doing anything that might be offensive. It’s just aggravating to hear slight variations on the same question when I feel this has already been sufficiently answered. We have made our feelings on the subject very clear, so I don’t understand why there is still so much confusion on the topic.

I’m going to try here to explain my personal feelings on the issue, and hopefully, it will be much clearer to you then. Remember that these are just my own thoughts, and do not necessarily reflect how all fat people feel.

1) There are many reasons why someone might want to make changes to their diet.

For example, I saw a dentist on Thursday who really helped me realize that my teeth were important to me, and that brushing and flossing regularly was not enough to really have a healthy smile or to feel confident about my teeth. Going to the dentist was a big deal, because finding one I can afford to see or who will take my insurance is often really difficult. Because of that, I wasn’t aware that my teeth were in as bad of shape as they are. After my visit, I decided to make a dietary change.

I haven’t had any soda since Thursday, because I recently made the decision to drastically cut down on my sugar intake for the benefit of my teeth. I went to the store and bought sugar-free or low sugar foods and drinks, and decided to really make an effort to do better. It was a scary decision, because it means that my whole life is going to be different, it means facing caffeine headaches and risking low blood sugar (which is a problem I have had frequently), and it means living life very differently from the people around me who don’t have to think about this. Moreover, it means giving up some of my favorite things. So it wasn’t an easy decision for me, and it is something I don’t know if I can keep up. I don’t think we always realize how much something is a part of our lives until it isn’t anymore, or at least, until it isn’t nearly as much. But I think I am doing something that will be good for my mouth, so hopefully I won’t have problems with it in the future.

I did not make this decision for any reason other than the health of my teeth.

2) There are many different changes one can make to their diet.

I made the decision to cut down sugar. Some people decide to cut out caffeine. Others cut down on carbs or calories or even stop eating meat. There are many different types of changes to one’s diet one can make, and a lot of different diets people can have.

3) Not everyone needs to make the same changes.

Some people don’t need to worry nearly as much as others about their sugar intake. Some people need to focus on eating more consistently. Some need to eat bigger meals or eat more often while others might need to eat less. Different people need different things, and that is perfectly okay! If you decide to make a change to how you eat and someone else makes a different change or a change that is actually the opposite of your change, that’s okay. We can’t be expected to always need exactly the same things as one another. It’s okay.

4) Not everyone is going to make changes.

No one owes anyone else good health. No one is required to make changes to their habits that they don’t want to make. Just because you think someone else eats too much sugar doesn’t mean they have to stop eating sugar. Deciding what to put into your body is a personal choice. No one has the right to make it for you, and you don’t have the right to make it for others.

5) Sometimes, people make changes that aren’t healthy.

A common thing that I see amongst people who make changes to their diet in order to lose weight is that the changes they make are actually really unhealthy or even dangerous. Now, that doesn’t mean they can’t make those changes if they want to, but it does raise some red flags, especially when they begin trying to talk others into making these same changes. They may begin depriving their body of nutrients or making decisions that leave their body feeling sick and miserable. A lot of people assume weight loss is inherently healthy, so they don’t notice when they are mistreating their body as long as they are getting the results they wanted. Some of them even go as far as to starve themselves, without always realizing they are doing it. They might give more weight to dangerous fad diets and misinformation online than actual nutritional science, and as a result, end up doing more harm to their body than good. It’s important to be aware that this happens, and consider trying to approach your dietary changes in a different way.

6) Sometimes, people make changes for shitty reasons.

If you are someone with a family history of diabetes and you want to cut out sugar to prevent getting it yourself, that’s understandable.

If you have some medical condition that requires special dietary restrictions, that’s fine.

If you are making changes for religious reasons? Cool. Good for you.

But there are times when people’s reasons are not all that great, and that happens especially when the goal is weight loss.

Consider some common reasons for losing weight:

“I want to love myself.”

“I feel ugly in this body.”

“I want to be healthy.”

“People will treat me better if I am thin.”

People who make these statements don’t necessarily mean anything negative by it, but that doesn’t mean these statements can’t be hurtful, both to the person making them and to other people.

Consider the first statement. Why would someone feel they are unlovable at the size that they are? Are they saying people at that size are unlovable? Why can’t they love themselves how they are, unless they think something is wrong with being how they are? And what does that say about how they feel towards people like them, or people even bigger than they are? Do they feel those people can’t be loved, or don’t deserve to be? Why do they think losing weight will make them love themselves? And what happens if they are wrong? What if they can’t lose weight? What will they do to themselves then? And if they don’t love themselves now, what is stopping them from making decisions that will harm their body if it means losing weight?

Tying your self-esteem to something with a high failure rate, like weight loss, is a dangerous idea. And truth be told, even if you do get to your dream weight, you might find new reasons to hate yourself. Weight loss is not a magic cure for poor self-esteem, and it won’t make you more confident. That is something that comes from inside yourself.

If your goal is to love yourself, weight loss likely isn’t the answer. There are better, safer, more logical routes to take that will have more permanent effects.

What about the second statement? Why do you feel your body is ugly? Do you think other people who look like you are ugly? What does this feeling say about how you view weight? Do you look down on others you feel weigh a lot? Do you treat them differently? Do you treat yourself badly because you don’t feel attractive? Do you let others treat you badly because you think you deserve it?

It may sound like I am jumping to conclusions here- a lot of people feel that the way they personally feel about their appearance and how they feel about other people’s are very different- but trust me, they are often more connected than we realize. I know I used to say horrible things about other fat people because I believed them to be true about myself, and I know a lot of people who have said things that are very hurtful to the people around them when intending to only talk about themselves. These things matter! These things really can affect not only how you treat yourself about how you let others treat you! And weight loss won’t change that!

What about the third statement? Why do you assume it’s your weight that makes you unhealthy? Why do you need to lose weight in order to feel healthier? Do you make assumptions about other people’s health based on their weight? If being healthy is the goal, are you sure you’re going about it the right way? Are there better options? And are you making decisions for your body that actually are healthy, or are you letting your desire to lose weight overpower your desire for good health? Why do you assume weight loss is always healthy?

Again, it might sound like I am jumping to conclusions, but you wouldn’t believe the amount of people I have met who, because they think weight loss is inherently healthy, believe anyone not actively losing weight (regardless if they are trying or not) is unhealthy, and that people who are unhealthy deserve to be treated poorly. And it’s really, really important that you don’t become one of those people.

Now, onto the last statement. Why do you think that people treat you badly because of your weight now? Do you think your weight is the real problem here, or how we as a society think about weight? Why is losing weight the solution instead of teaching people to treat people better? Why do you think you deserve to be treated poorly because of your weight? Do you feel that way about all people who weigh as much as you or who weight more than you? Do you think you have to earn being treated with humanity? Do people have to earn being treated like a human from you?

These are just important questions I think people ought to consider. And I know many people will automatically get defensive, or again, say that how they feel about themselves and how they feel about others is different. But again, I have met a ton of people who fall into the trap of treating other people poorly because of their weight, even while being treated poorly for their own weight, and not seeing it as a problem. I have known many, many people who have lost weight, and now believe anyone who isn’t actively losing weight is less human or less valuable than they are. Etc.

And, as much as people don’t want to believe it, a lot of the reasons behind wanting to lose weight are fatphobic, and a lot of the behaviors of people who are working to lose weight are fatphobic.

This doesn’t mean everyone who makes changes to their diets are fatphobic or that people aren’t allowed to make changes to how they eat if they really want to make those changes. People can do what they want with their bodies. But it’s important to monitor your behavior, your thinking, your motivations, and ask yourself if there is any way you could be unintentionally hurting others, and how to do better.

7) Sometimes, people go about their changes in a shitty way.

Let’s be honest. There are a lot of shitty things people say and do when they are trying to lose weight.

One example is sharing their fitness life online in unthoughtful or inconsiderate ways. Sometimes people are so excited about their weight loss that they forget how their language when talking about it might be insulting or triggering- and many don’t care. They want you to be happy for them, and if instead you are hurt by what they are saying, they take that like an attack on them or their progress. They don’t care if they hurt you or not, but don’t you dare say anything that might offend them, basically.

Another is the need to judge anyone who isn’t losing weight the way they are, or isn’t trying to lose weight at all. And some people are especially vicious about this. I already said that sometimes, people don’t make changes to their diets, and that’s okay, and that sometimes, the changes people need to make are different. A lot of people trying to lose weight that I have met don’t seem to get that, though, and it’s frustrating.

But I think some of the biggest problems are the promotion of eating disorders and fatphobic, ableist mentalities that are so common amongst people who want to lose weight. Fitspiration and pro-ana are both big parts of this (you can look up what that is by using the search bar on our blog, but be warned, it is highly triggering).

We could sit here talking about that all day, but I think that many people already understand what I mean. Just because you make a change for yourself doesn’t mean you should push that change onto others or treat them badly for not making the change that you did.

8) The fact that a change you want to make is due to a shitty reason or that you are being shitty about they way you are making a change doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to make that change.

Want to change your diet so that you lose weight? Fine. I won’t stop you. It’s your body, and you obviously are the one in control of it. I can’t make you do anything different just because I don’t agree with your choice.

Again, though, I want you to give consideration for why you are making this choice. I want you to be sure you are actually making a good choice for yourself, that you are not going to treat people poorly because of your choice, etc. And I want you to be kind to yourself, to learn to love yourself, to be able to be happy with you are. And I don’t think relying on weight loss to boost your self-esteem is healthy, nor do I think it will work.

I also want people to remember that these choices don’t always exist in a vacuum, that we live in a society of diet culture, fatphobia, and thin privilege, and these things do affect how we see ourselves and how we treat other people. It doesn’t seem like a lot of people are willing to do that, or to think about how others might be affected by their choices. To me, that’s a problem.

But that doesn’t mean I am going to ban them from dieting if that’s what they want to do. I am more concerned with their behavior towards others, towards fat people like myself, how they think about us. I am concerned with how they treat themselves, and if they are doing this for themselves or because of low self-esteem and societal pressure. And I am concerned about what will happen to them if they don’t reach their goals.

They can do what they want, but I am not required to agree with it or follow suit.

9) Yes, it’s okay to change your diet if your goal isn’t weight loss.

And it’s even okay if weight loss happens unintentionally because of the change you made! It’s even okay if you lose weight for reasons totally unrelated to your diet! It happens! Bodies do that! It’s okay!

No one is trying to stop you from doing what you need to do for yourself. If you want to lower your cholesterol or your blood sugar or anything else, you’re allowed to do that.

The problem is not making changes to your diet in an of itself. We were never saying that no one can ever make changes to their diet of any kind for any reason. That’s not what we mean when we talk about how weight loss and dieting are often rooted in fatphobia. Hell, we aren’t even talking about dietary changes that are made to lose weight at all when we say that.

The problem is the line of thinking that often leads to one wanting to lose weight, how this line of thinking affects how they treat themselves and others, the way our culture upholds weight loss as the best thing ever, the way so many of us are pressured to lose weight, etc.

If all this talk of weight loss and fatphobia isn’t relevant to your specific situation, then there is no need to ask me if it’s okay for you to make changes to your diet.

If you are making changes because of health reasons and only for health reasons, for example, that’s fine. If you are doing it just because, that’s fine too! Hell, I really don’t care. Do what is right for you. It’s not a problem at all. Just don’t force your choices onto others and be mindful about your choices and how you treat people.

10) Even if your goal is not weight loss, you still need to be mindful of other people.

This should be obvious, but seriously, treat other people with respect! Don’t push your choices onto others! Don’t treat people badly for not eating like you do! Don’t demand health from other people or only treat healthy people with respect! Don’t make assumptions about people’s health! Etc.!

Be respectful and be mindful of triggers, of fatphobic or ableist narratives, etc. And don’t contribute to that hateful bullshit. Be kind.

Again, these are just my opinions. Not everyone will agree with me. A lot of people are very dead set against dieting and have much stronger feelings about it than I do. I understand why much better than I did in the past. I get it. But for me, this is where I stand.

I hope this helps some of you wondering if it’s okay for you to make changes to your diet. And I hope that maybe someday, we can stop having this conversation over and over again.

- Mod Bella

#Bella Blogs #Diet TW #Weight Loss TW #Health TW #Eating Disorder TW #Pro Ana TW #Important #Body Shaming #Fat Shaming #Fatphobia #Healthism #Sizeism #Weight Bigotry #Weight Discrimination #Discrimination Against Fat People

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years

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5,000 question survey series--part thirty-five

3301. When someone is 'crazy' why do we call them 'nuts' or 'fruitcakes'? Yeah, I don’t know how those sayings got started. I often wonder how a lot of our sayings and such got started.

3302. What's the dillio? *shrug* 3303. Where did the slang term 'dillio' come from? Isn’t it “dealio” as in, “what’s the deal” or “what’s going on?” 3304. How many even whole numbers are there between -5 and 5? 4. 3305. What words can you make useing only these letters: E N O? No, eon, on, one.

3306. What's the differance between foods that are low fat and foods that are lite? I feel like lite refers to lite everything and not just fat? I don’t know, I really don’t pay much attention to that. 3307. White or brown rise? I don’t like rice. 3308. Can you be content if you are physically uncomfortable? I can’t, no. 3309. What is the differance between discomfort and pain? Discomfort is more mild. 3310. What is the most uncomfortable thing you can think of? For me it’s being hot. That’s more like miserable than uncomfortable, but yeah. 3311. What do these names make you think of: britney spears? “Toxic.”

walt whitman? “I Sing the Body Electric.” buddah? A Buddah statue.

william shakespere? “To be or not to be, that is the question.” pablo picasso? His self-portrait and his paintings using shapes and the way he painted people.

adam ant? Not familiar with him. franz kafka? ^^^^ nietzche? ^^^^ madonna? “Like a virgin, touched for the very first time.” orson scott card? frieda kahlo? Her eyebrows. :X

god? Love, forgiveness, mercy. salvidor dali? The melting clocks painting.

david bowie? Labyrinth. jesus? Salvation.

lars ulrich? Metallica. jim henson? Muppets. 3312. What are your favorite games to play? I love board games. 3313. Are you quick to judge something as stupid just because you don't understand it? I’m guilty of that. 3314. Are you obnoxious to others? No. 3315. Do you feel superior to anyone? Absolutely not. 3316. Shouldn't people take a good look at themselves before they criticize others? Yes. 3317. Which is better and why: writing or saying obnoxious things about someone who isn't around to defent themselves or saying it straight to them? Which do YOU do more often? I know it’s best to speak up and say something if I had an issue with someone, but I tend to just not say anything at all. 3318. Do you appologize too often? Yes. I’m always quick to blame myself for everything 3319. Does your mind play tricks on you? Yes. 3320. Have you read (any of): the bible? the koran? the torah? the kama sutra? the satanic bible? 3321. Do you own any possetions that you hide from parents, friends, visitors? Old diaries and letters.

What? Well, they’re personal. 3322. Why does the cheese stand alone? I guess cause it smells or something. 3323. Do you watch any soaps? No. I find the acting and story lines just absolutely awful. 3324. Have you learned something new today?/ Stuff in the news. 3325. Do you believe in an 'oversoul' of all humanity? What? 3326. Have you invented your own style, just for you? It’s nothing unique.

3327. have you invented your own religion, just for you? No. 3328. What files have you recently downloaded? I don’t remember. 3329. Some people think little girls should be seen and not heard but I think: Uh, of course they should be heard. They have a voice and should be able to use it just like anyone else. 3330. Do you dance around a lot? No. 3331. Is the unexamined life worth living or not? What. 3332. What are you like when you're at your most beautiful? I never feel beautiful. 3333. What are you like when you are at your worst? I don’t even want to be around me. 3334. Why do you hide things about yourself?/ I just don’t feel comfortable talking about certain things or I’m sure how to talk about/express them. 3335. Why is anything 'too personal' to talk to others about? It just is. 3336. Why should we be embarressed, afraid, or appologetic for ANYTHING we think, say or do? I don’t know, that’s just how it is sometimes. 3337. Can true freedom exist in this world of doubt and guilt? Well, you can not let it weigh you down. 3338. What do you have no control over? Life. 3339. Do you own a vibrating pillow? No.

How about a vibrating back massager? No. 3340. Can you dance away your emotional pain? No. 3341. When you dance is it a celebration of life? I don’t dance unless you count a head bob and maybe a little arm/shoulder movement lol. 3342. When do you feel the most immortal? I don’t. 3343. Are you more of a painting, a poem or a song? I’m a sad song. 3344. Is lonliness a crowded room full of open hearts turned to stone? Blah. 3345. Is YOUR heart ever stone? I feel like my health, especially my mental health, has hardened me in some ways. :/ 3346. Are we alltogether all alone? No. 3347. Does life end in a happily ever after way? It depends on what you believe and where you go after you die. 3348. What's the warmest part of your body? Right now my entire body. It’s so hot in here. D: 3349. Are you more verbal or visual? Depends? 3350. What do you long for? For better days.

3351. True or false: When someone hates you it is because:

they're jealous of you? Not necessarily, but sometimes.

the things you say are frightening to them because what you say makes them think about things they would rather avoid thinking about? Perhaps.

they don't understand you? That can be a reason. 3352. True or false: When you hate someone it is because: I don’t hate anyone.

you're jealous of them? the things they say are frightening to you because what they say makes them think about things you would rather avoid thinking about? you don't understand them? 3353. Have you ever been fascinated by someone who hated you? I don’t know of anyone hating me. 3354. Since the human brain has defense mechanisms against feeling bad (meaning the brain lies to itself to avoid feeling bad about something it said or did) how can we ever know if we are truly being honest? Well mine must be broken cause I feel that all the time.

How do we know our brains are not tricking us into believeing we are good people when we aren't all good?/ Actually, I really hate the person I’ve become over these past few years and I pray it’s my brain making me think that and that it’s not really true. :/ 3355. How highly do you value innovation? I think it’s great? 3356. Is there a name where all the people you've ever met haveing that name had something in common with each other(ex. all the jens you've ever met had blue eyes)? Yeah, I definitely feel like there were a few examples of that, but of course I’m failing to think of any at the moment. 3357. Are you focused more outward or inward? Uhh. 3358. What is the most affectionate nickname you ever came up with for someone? I call my doggo a precious angel. lol. 3359. Are the questions STILL still interesting this deep into the survey? I guess interesting is the word for it. They’re.... something. Some are a bit out there. 3360. If someone else makes their desicions based on their intuition instead of on facts and proofs what do you think of that person? Sometimes our intuition about certain things is right. 3361. Do you trust your own intuition? Sometimes. 3362. Finish the phrase... danger is the: just keep: never trust: the way I live my life: don't change: maybe someday: 3363. Would you rather live in Frodo's world or Harry Potter's? Harry Potter. 3364. Do you believe that the dead are with us? Their memory is and we see and hear them around us in various things.

If yes in what form? ^^^^ 3365. Do you believe that those who haven't been born are with us? Like they died in the womb? Well, I believe in heaven and I believe that an unborn fetus would go there.

If yes, in what form? ^^^ 3366. Are you made of timid stuff? What. 3367. Is there anyone in this world who is not CRAZY? We’re all a little mad. 3368. What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short becomes shorter when you add “er.” 3369. Can you mashed potatoe? I never got what kind of dance the mashed potato is.

Can you do the twist? Nah. 3370. What does your family do for thanksgiving..or if you don't celebrate it what do you picture when you think of thanksgiving? We have a nice Thanksgiving dinner. 3371. What is your earliest memory? I have some memories from preschool. 3372. Have you ever taken an IQ test? Yeah. What do you think of those things? IQ is one of those things that’s difficult to really define. You be smart in different areas. I always think of that Albert Einstein quote that says, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” 3373. How do you make 'fishcakes'? I don’t know. I’ve never had ‘em and I’ve never made them. I have no desire to either. 3374. Which is the better band..the offspring or the damned? The Offspring. 3375. Do you ever think about world destruction? No, not really. 3376. Do you think humans are becoming more robotic? Yes. I definitely feel that way. 3377. Do you think we'll ever be replaced by robots? Oh, it’s happening. 3378. What do you feel a part of? Hmm. 3379. Does it freak you out to know that yogurt is ALiVe?? It’s weird to think that there’s good bacteria for you. 3380. What current band d o you think is doing something particularly interesting or innovative? *shrug* 3381. Golf course, do you remember? Remember what?

3382. Which is more important, books and cleverness or friendship and bravery? Books and cleverness. 3383. If i promise to miss you, will you go away? You don’t gotta miss me. 3384. stool, ball, powder...Can you think of a 4th word that connects these three? Nope. 3385. Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? You. 3386. Why are blondes considered 'dumb'? I don’t know why that became a big joke. 3387. What's more important..intuitiveness/creativity or factual knowledge and practicallity? They all are. 3388. Who are the two worst terrorists you can think of? All terrorists are horrible. 3389. What is jello made of? Gelatin, which consists of collagen from animal skin, bones, and connective tissue. 3390. Pick a country: Sweden. What do you believe is wrong with that country? I don’t know. 3391. Do you have strong opinions? About some things. 3392. Do you do what it takes to stand up for those opinions? I generally keep to myself. 3393. Have you ever been to a rally, protest or demonstration? No.

If yes was it effective and in what ways? 3394. When people say, 'yeah it sucks but there's nothing I can do' do you believe them? Usually there’s something. 3395. Do you know what you can do to make this world a better place? No, I don’t.

Do you care? I care, but I really don’t know what I could do. I guess this relates to question 3394 and there is something I could do, but what? 3396. Why is peace so important anyway? Do you enjoy violence and hatred?

Why is freedom important? We should be able to make our own choices, but in doing so you also pick the consequences. People tend to overlook that last part. 3397. As long as you have your house and your family and you can go to the movies and the mall who cares about peace and freedom. Right? Uh, wrong. 3398. Do you try to avoid anything involving work? These past few years you could say that. 3399. If you are not actively wrking to stop the horrors and injustices of the world (war, hunger, poverty) than aren't you partially responsible for them? I can’t be responsible for everyone. Should we try and do what we can to help? Well, yes. We don’t have to, though. That goes along with that whole freedom thing, too. 3400. Are you in denial? I don’t think so.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #5000 question survey

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