sapphos-darlings
WLW Strike Force
A lesbian & a bisexual join forces to spread love and support! Here's to beauty and joy in life, love and sexuality.
This blog exists to bring positivity to lesbian and bisexual women, and body-positivity and acceptance to all female people.
Vanilla. Discourse and negativity free space.
If you have a request, our inbox is open. Please keep in mind that this blog is lesbian/bi specific!
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So I’ve been craving intimacy and penetration for a few days now and sometimes I catch myself thinking about hooking up with a guy again which I don’t understand because thinking about being with a man makes me GENUINELY sick to my stomach, like to the point where if I ever had to even touch a man sexually I’d throw up so like…what’s wrong with me? Am I lesbian? Am I bisexual? Bisexuals don’t detest the touch of men or women right? (if they’ve been abused maybe (I’ve been abused so is that it??)) just looking for some advice I guess, if you have any ofc
I can't tell you what your orientation is - but I can tell you that it's okay to want a specific type of sexual touch. In your case, you'll have to navigate how you want to meet this desire in a way that is both healthy and safe for you. Since you don't want to be involved with a man, the first option you have is to try and find toys that could fill up this desire for you. If you have a partner, or someone you can safely and consensually hook up with, you can try and see if having a woman with a strap can meet your needs. Be sure to openly communicate with your partner about what feels or doesn't feel good; sex is about mutual pleasure, and the best way to finding a partner who can satisfy you is to be sincere about your experience, and tell them when they're doing good for you, and when you want to switch something up.
Regardless of whether you're lesbian or bi, it's okay to just not want to have sex with a man. There's other ways for you to feel satisfied and fulfilled and comfortable in your sexual life, but it does take exploration and experimentation to figure out what the things are that you're craving for, or how to fill them exactly.
Nothing's wrong with you. You're okay, anon.
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Do you have tips on finding bi women who aren't homophobic or won't treat their female partners as lesser? Most of the experiences I had with them weren't good ones. I know there are great bi women out there, but I haven't met many who weren't male centered. I'm not sure if I should stick to just dating lesbians or if it's worth it to still give them a chance. How do you filter that out? I don't want to be biphobic, but I also don't want to go through some of those things again.
Hiya. There's a bit of an issue with this way of looking at things - you're generalising, and treating bisexual women as a group rather than as individuals. With that in mind,
the trick to finding bi women who aren't homophobic, internalised or externalised, is to look until you find one. Bi people are neither more or less prone to prejudice than other groups of people, and heteronormativity hits our communities very hard - just like gay people, we're taught that heterosexuality, heterosexual relationships, are the status quo. Not only that, but that they're the only option. But unlike many gay people, many of us can coast along with that for quite some time. It's not rare for a gay person to discover their homosexuality well into their adulthood, but for bisexual people, it's even easier to miss the signs because you're expected to be straight... and you've been able to find romance, love, and intimacy with the expected gender. Many bisexuals report not realising that what they feel for other genders than the one they're "supposed" to find attractive is attraction, because they're not looking for it. We're all taught, regardless of orientation, that gay people are not in the same room with us. They're "those other people" over there, yonder, someplace that doesn't concern us. The outsiders. We're talked to like we're all straight and gay people are a theoretical concept in the wild that we might, maybe, run into during our lifetime, but it will never be us and we are heterosexuals, all of us, of course and obviously.
This confuses bisexual people just as much as it confuses gay people. Many people bypass their crushes and infatuations as something else - "oh, I just really like this person. I just really want to be friends with them", and "I'm sure everybody gets those urges to kiss their friends or thinks that some famous people of the same gender is attractive, or has fantasies of sleeping with the same sex, it's no big deal." Some people keep waiting to find the one that they'll end up with, who they'll fall madly in love with and want to start a family with, but it just kind of never comes. They're inexplicably always closer with their friends than any prospective date or partner. They feel more fulfillment from cuddling up with a close friend than having sex with a boyfriend they're supposed to be in love with. And it's just what it is. It's not contested. They just haven't found the one yet.
None of these feelings is bi exclusive, but where gay people may eventually hit a point where they realise they cannot experience the happiness they're seeking with anybody but someone of the same gender, some bi people keep holding on to that hope that they'll eventually end up with someone who is socially acceptable, someone they're "meant to be" with, who is agreeable and uncomplicatedly heterosexual.
This is not all bisexuals. And there's no trick to finding a "good one" out of us. There are no "good" or "bad" bisexuals. There's people who don't care about the sex and gender of their partners, and there's people who very much do. There's people who are experimenting but not ready to go all in, and there's people who are looking to ride or die. There's people who are mature and committed to their established relationships, and there's people who aren't. There's people who have not processed and dealt with their internalised homophobia, and there's people who have. There's people who are looking for flings, and people who are looking for a relationship. None of this is exclusive to bisexuals. But bisexuals face a lot of prejudice, and a lot of discouragement to do the exploration and self-searching that is encouraged for others. It is very difficult to feel pride and joy in your orientation when you're branded as an immoral, promiscuous cheater from all ends of the spectrum simply for being capable of feeling attraction into multiple directions, or falling in love with anybody regardless of gender, instead of just having "a team you're batting for". As if cheating, promiscuity, or being unwilling to commit was about opportunity instead of about the person's own choices.
We're also told from every direction that we're just confused, that we have to pick a side, that we're not welcome here or there before we admit to "just" being straight or gay. Some will see this and decide that it's overall easier to stick to the majority, to pretend that they're not bi, or only be bi "on the side", whatever that means for them. That is a personal choice, not one inherent to bisexuality.
So, truly, how do you find a bisexual who is not homophobic, internalised or externalised? You look for one, and you go through the deed of vetting them like any other potential partner you might consider. Bisexual people are not inherently any less capable of taking on a serious, committed relationship than any other person out there. Just like it's not the fault of all lesbians if a relationship between two lesbians falls apart because one of them caves in under the homophobic pressure of society or their family or their religion, it's not the fault of all bisexual people if this happens in a relationship where the partner who can't cope with the pressure is bisexual. Just like a gay guy cheating on his partner is not the fault or choice of all gay men, a bisexual person cheating on a partner is not the fault or choice of all bisexuals. Just like a straight woman choosing to part ways with a partner because the relationship is too much for them and they're just not in a good place emotionally or mentally, it's not the fault of all straight women that they weren't ready for that committed relationship.
Nothing about relationship conflicts, or personal or interpersonal issues, is unique to bisexuals. Not even male preference; our whole society has a male preference. It doesn't matter if you're a woman, man, gay, straight, our society is set up to prioritise men and downplay women. This is the nature of sexism.
To find a partner in the midst of this? You just have to keep looking until you find one who matches your needs - and whose needs you match, too.
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An update to an older story that’s goods news!
When Jenny Nguyen signed the lease to create her dream bar, she wasn’t sure it would stay open for more than a few months.
But earlier this month, 43-year-old Nguyen’s first-of-its-kind establishment in Portland, Oregon, celebrated its one-year anniversary. Aptly named The Sports Bra, it’s a sports bar where only women athletes appear on the TVs.
Business has been good, despite the niche business model and record inflation sending food and beverage prices soaring. The Sports Bra brought in $944,000 in revenue in the eight months it was open in 2022, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It.
It was profitable in that first year of business, Nguyen adds.
“It turns out, it’s pretty universal — that feeling of being a women’s sports fan and going into a public place, like a sports bar, and having a difficult time finding a place to show a [women’s] game, especially when there are other men’s sports playing,” Nguyen says.
Initially, she wasn’t sure the idea would work at all. The vast majority of money and attention historically goes to men’s sports only — a big reason why The Sports Bra was reportedly the country’s first bar to only play women’s sports on TV.
It’s also not the kind of thing Nguyen would ordinarily do: She describes herself as “very cautious, risk averse.” But her obsession with women’s sports and frustration with its lack of representation on television screens drove her to empty her life savings — about $27,000 — and give it a try.
“Me, personally, I thought the idea was brilliant and that [it was] what the world needs,” Nguyen says. “But I had no idea that the world would want it. I just wanted to give it a shot.”
How The Sports Bra went from running joke to reality
Nguyen is a lifelong basketball fan who played the sport at Clark College in Vancouver, Washington, before tearing her ACL. She’s also a longtime restaurant worker who spent three years as Reed College’s executive chef.
In 2018, Nguyen and a group of friends wanted to watch the NCAA women’s basketball championship game. They went to a mostly empty sports bar and still had to plead with a bartender to switch one of the smallest TVs — which played without sound — from a men’s sport to the women’s championship game, she recalls.
Together, they jumped up and down celebrating “one of the best games I’ve ever seen,” Nguyen says, as a buzzer-beating three-point shot sealed the championship title for Notre Dame. Afterward, she was struck by the normalcy of her situation.
″[We’d] gotten so used to watching a game like that in the way that we did,” she says, adding that they’d only find better viewing conditions “if we had our own place.”
Days later, she channeled her disappointment into a hypothetical: What would she name her bar? “The very first thing that came into my mind was The Sports Bra,” Nguyen says. “And once I thought it, I couldn’t un-think it, you know? It was catchy. I thought it was hilarious.”
For years, she joked about it. Then, the fallout from social justice movements like #MeToo and the country’s racial reckoning after George Floyd’s murder left her wanting to make a meaningful impact on the world and her community.
Nguyen, who came out as a lesbian at age 17, says she doesn’t always feel welcome at most traditional sports bars. The Sports Bra could help her, and anyone else who’d rarely felt accepted in other sports establishments, feel like she belonged.
“I thought about, if we can even get one kid in here and have them feel like they belong in sports, it’d be worth it,” she says.
Helping other women’s sports bars get started
At first, Nguyen had her savings, and $40,000 in loans cobbled together from friends and family. That would keep The Sports Bra afloat for three months, based on her cost estimates for labor, inventory and other overhead.
In February 2022, she launched a Kickstarter to raise $48,000 — enough money for an extra six-month financial cushion, to build up the sort of regular clientele any bar or restaurant needs to survive long-term.
To Nguyen’s surprise, the campaign raised more than $105,000 in just 30 days, thanks to a viral article in online food publication Eater. “At that moment, when I was looking at that Kickstarter graph, I thought to myself, ‘This might work,’” she says.
But the money, which came from around the country and world, was no guarantee of success. Actual people in Portland still needed to frequent the bar.
Today, there’s often a line out the door. Women’s basketball icons like Sue Bird and Diana Taurasi showed up, for an event sponsored by Buick, earlier this month. Ginny Gilder, co-owner of the WNBA’s Seattle Storm, has even waited in line to watch her team play on The Sports Bra’s TVs, Nguyen says.
That’s a far cry from the Kickstarter days, which Nguyen says only happened after she was denied business loans by multiple banks and small business associations. The denials commonly cited the high risk of a unique concept run by a first-time entrepreneur during a pandemic, she adds.
Even the bar’s core concept is a struggle: It’s hard to find enough women’s sporting events to fill up the televisions. Only about 5% of all TV sports coverage focuses on female athletes, according to a 2021 University of Southern California study.
Nguyen says she’s taken to reaching out directly to sports networks and streaming services, some of which have hooked her up with access to more women’s sports content. She also spends an inordinate amount of time “scouring” TV listings, a process she likens to “taking a machete and chopping through a jungle.”
But she’s no longer alone. Another bar specializing in women’s sports has opened in nearby Seattle, and Nguyen says she’s in touch with a handful of other prospective entrepreneurs asking her for advice on opening similar visions in other cities.
“I would love to have as many people experience the feeling people experience when they walk through these doors,” she says. “It feels very selfish to keep it to this one building that holds 40 people at a time.”
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Source: Curve Vol 22 #5 ( June 2012)
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For the bi person: Are you interested in start one or more of the following for bi women: a zine, book club, podcast, history social media page, pop culture/current affairs social media page, film club, newsletter, YouTube channel, community/server etc
There aren’t many things specifically for bi women as opposed to the wider sapphic or WLW community.
Dear Anon, you are currently on a blog that specifically caters to bisexual women. That content can be found tagged with #bisexual via a link in our pinned post.
This blog is the thing the mods (see pinned post) are interested in running, and use to raise our voices for our respective communities.
Of course, we are interested in creating positivity and bi&lesbian solidarity, so that's our angle. We are also ultimately speaking from our respective personal experiences, so we can't appeal to everyone or speak on anyone else's behalf.
If there's some specific sort of content, art or resources you wish to see featured on this blog, or a topic you'd like us to pay more attention to or discuss, our inbox is open. You, just like any one of our followers, can message us anytime to give general feedback, or suggest a topic or type of content for us!
For example, it could be something specific you'd like positivity about, maybe a pride flag or banner with a specific slogan, or maybe a certain famous bisexual or lesbian you'd like to see featured here. As long as it doesn't go against our rules (as stated in our header text), we take it under consideration.
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Hi. Could you please post something or answer this ask with the polls tag? I tried looking for your polls because a mod mentioned them in a reply to another anon, but I can't find it, in or out of the app.
Hi! I'll tag this ask into the polls tag so you can just click that.
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febfem lovecore stimboard for Valentine’s Day
💗 💗 💗 - 💜 💜 💜 - 💙 💙 💙
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mother storm
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Today In History
Lorraine Hansberry’s drama, A Raisin in the Sun, opened at the Barrymore Theater in New York on this date March 11, 1959.
The title comes from the poem “Harlem” (also known as “A Dream Deferred” by Langston Hughes). The story tells of a black family’s experiences in south Chicago, as they attempt to improve their financial circumstances with an insurance payout following the death of the father, and deals with matters of housing discrimination, racism, and assimilation.
This was the first play written by a Black woman to be performed on Broadway.
CARTER™️ Magazine
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Okay first I wanna say i really love scrolling through your blog and seeing all the art and gifs of women loving women. My smile gets wider and wider the more wlw content I see, to the point where my cheeks hurt a little!
And now i wanna say that seeing all of this positivity for women loving other women on the internet is definitely the reason why I'm not so severely insecure and ashamed of my sexuality. (I live in saudi arabia) It makes me feel proud to see my love for other women depicted in a good light. That it's okay for me to have that little feeling in my chest whenever i hear a woman's beautiful voice, or her beautiful face, or her beautiful body. Im not bad for that. Ill be okay. Theres not a moment where i feel ashamed or scared.
Thank you so much, Anon! I'm beaming my love and support to you with my mind right now.
I hope one day you will find happiness and freedom.
-Lavender
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loved some of the philly-specific details in Watermelon Woman (1996)
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Queen Latifah in Bessie (2015)
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I know homosexuality is natural because I was born with it.
As a little girl, I in fact thought that everyone was like me; That women were with men just to make children and hang out, that everyone knew the most important person was the female best friend. I didn't know why society was seemingly made out of hetero family units - to me marrying a man and making children seemed like a huge bother and a waste of time. I actually wanted to be a nun when I grow up - up until my mom told me that women don't have to get married.
What a relief! I was only nine but I was happy to dream of my adult life I would surely spent with my very own special girl friend. Not a girlfriend - that I didn't know was possible yet - but another girl who would be my very best friend and also think the same of me.
I was only an elementary school kid back then. I didn't know about the gravity of this simple truth I carried with me. I wouldn't get my first actual crush until middle school.
But I knew that this was me and my feelings, as natural as how I liked nature and animals and fantasy novels and cartoons and bike rides and building snow fortresses and playing in the garden.
That's how loving other girls began for me. Along with everything else, no more odd, no less wonderful.
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Here's to my tomboys, to my masculine sisters, to my fellow women who want to break free from the gender roles.
I see you. I think about you. I want to be there for you.
I want you to know and believe that we are whole and good women. That we are more real than any stereotype, pre-made role, commercial or idol. That femininity is not natural, that we are not lacking or failing, that we are what makes womanhood, and sometimes that looks like us.
What does clothing have on our flesh and bones? What does make-up have on our blood? We are alive, we have voices and brains and beating hearts. We have spirits and hopes and dreams and will that has taken us this far, and will keep pushing us forward.
Every woman has a voice of her own. Of. Her. Own. That means you too.
Raise your voice. Stand tall. Call out. Live.
We are here together, as sisters.
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Hello Anon, Lavender here butting in with the lesbian perspective!
No, you're not odd or abnormal. If my experience is anything to go by, you're very inline with the common wlw experience. We actually had polls on this blog (search for tag #poll) of preferred ways for wlw to have sex, and the lesbian one had strap very low. Goes to show that porn has absolutely nothing to do with the lived reality of ssa women. I hope you know that you don't need porn for anything.
Just in general, my experience is that even if one likes dildos and toys, they are extra rather than the go-to option. Even for women who really get a kick from penetration, fingering is often more than enough or even better than anything else, because it involves direct touch between her and her partner. I've heard some women use vibrators for a guaranteed orgasm, but of course that's something to be discussed between the partners, preferably before hand.
One thing I hope you take away from this is to stay true and honest to your desires and boundaries both. Get rid of whatever is pushing scary expectations on you, be it porn, stereotypes or someone else's opinions. There's nothing to be ashamed of in being inexperienced or a virgin. The true beauty of sex is intimacy and connection between the partners, and this requires mutual trust, respect and vulnerability.
Your boundaries and preferences matter. A good partner will value and respect them, and you know a right partner has come along when you make something beautiful and pleasurable together.
I tried to search and see if you had already gotten a question like this, but I didn't find anything. I wanted to ask if it's uncommon not to like dildos as a wlw and not to want to use them on anyone, ever. It does nothing for me, and I wouldn't like using it on anyone either. I'm not very experienced and I never met another gay/bi person so I never asked anyone directly, but sometimes it looks like that's the main thing when women have sex. I'm afraid there isn't anyone out there who would be fine with not using it.
I know you can't give me stats or speak for every person, but for most wlw do you think that's the best thing to do when it comes to sex? Is it too uncommon for lesbians or febfems not to like it, or at least not to see its absence as something that would make a difference? I've tried to like it, but I can't, and it worries me that would be a dealbreaker for most people.
Hey there, friend. I'm with you - I don't like using dildos either. As a top, they're awkward to control and lack connection between myself and my partner, and with a strap, the pull on it just reminds me of the fact that it's a tool that's entirely disconnected from my body (and I don't want to use a feeldoe, either. I really do not want to be penetrated by anything) because it keeps getting lifted off of my skin when I move. To date, I haven't discovered a strap harness that would keep it against me in action, and I really don't think those physically exist unless I use skin glue to make it a semi-permanent part of my body. And even then? I can't tell what I'm doing in my partner, because I can't feel through that thing. I can't tell where I'm aiming, for all I know I might end up pushing from a really bad angle by accident and hurting them. At least that's a nagging worry I have that's really distracting in the moment.
("Sorry love if I seem a little distracted, I'm having visuals of accidentally perforating your insides with the world's dullest spear.")
Using dildos by hand, too, is just really disconnected. I want to be in contact with my partner. I want to feel them and their warmth, the whole deal. I want to be involved. With a dildo, it really feels like I'm just the operator, not so much a participant. And it... really feels a little sad to me. Like, emotionally sad. But my partner really likes penetration, so it's something that I'm trying to find ways to wiggle around, to think up ways that would be less disconnected for me and more fun for the both of us.
Per statistics, I'm afraid I can't give many; I've bedded a whole total of one person in my life, so the subjective science done here doesn't have much in terms of sample size, but from accounts from my wlw friends, I don't think it's entirely abnormal to not like dildos. There's many who don't like them at all, actually. Others are fans of them but only in shapes that have nothing to do with dicks.
One thing I can promise, though - wlw sex is rarely centered on penetration, contrary what, say, porn made for straight men (so most of it) would want you to think. It's much more focused on oral and fingering and clitoral stimulation, which can either be provided by your body, or a toy specially designed for that purpose. My favourites are air suction vibrators that don't have penetrative parts. From a very quick and very tired google search (forgive me - I've been awake for over 16 hours), I'm deducing that around half of wlw couples use straps/dildos during sex, which still leaves you in the good company of the other half who do not. Ultimately, I don't think that your preference for no dildos will be the maker or the breaker of your relationships, in terms of sex or otherwise. Sex can - and should - be creative, inventive, and adaptive; with every partner, you get to create a whole new way of having sex that suits the two of you specifically. There is no ultimate guide to having sex for anybody, and this may go doubly for wlw, as per the complexities of our relationships and the societal contexts for them and our preferences.
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