#and not everyone can get through something like that without a breakdown | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

reiding-writing · 1 month

Note

hello!!!! could i get a continuation fic for "breaking the ice"? this time it could be like after a hard case and reader actively seeks out spencer for comfort (CONGRATS ON 1K FOLLOWERS!!! <33)

BREAKING DOWN [CLIMACTERIC]

/ˈbreɪ.kɪŋ daʊn/

spencer just wants to be there for you when you need him, but you get overwhelmed by his constant worrying and push him away, only to crawl right back into his embrace when you really need it.

WARNINGS: fem!reader, reader is mean to spencer in the beginning but apologises later, child death, guilt, reader having an emotional breakdown, angst to hurt/comfort

spencer x cold!reader | hurt/comfort | 2.4k | climacteric event

a/n: hit two birds with one stone for this one, god sometimes i forget how much i like writing characters suffering man-

this fic is a continuation of ‘breaking the ice’, but can be read as a stand alone!

main masterlist!! ⋆｡°✩ cold!reader masterlist!!

climacteric event masterlist!!

You felt like an idiot the first time Spencer caught you crying, failing to compose yourself in the office bathroom for no good reason and looking like an absolute wreck because your brain had just decided it wanted to ruin your day.

There’d been a few times since then when he’d caught you on the brink of a breakdown, but you’d masked them better the more he tried to look into your psyche.

“It’s okay not to be okay sometimes,” He said those few months ago. “I’m here for you, whatever you need.”

That was all said and good but it didn’t mean that you wanted him to be there whenever you were overwhelmed or emotional. Sometimes you needed the space to work through your emotions on your own.

“Reid. Leave me alone.” You turn to him sharply, impatience written all over your features.

He’d been asking you about your emotions for the past fifteen minutes after noticing you turn down one of the sugary treats Garcia had brought into the office and using the small amount of favouritism you had towards him as leeway in terms of you not getting angry.

But you had your breaking point even with him.

The harshness spilling from your lips wasn’t something that was ever directed at him, so much so that it actually took him a second to register that it was him you were snapping at and not some invisible person standing behind him.

He didn’t even have time to respond to you. You were already around the corner by the time he’d come back to his senses.

He didn’t bother you after that.

At all.

There was no small talk at the beginning of the office days, no conversations on the jet between cases. He stopped waiting for you before leaving the office and picking you up coffee on days he knew you’d be late.

It threw you back in time to the first few years of working with him. And it seemed that the rest of the team was feeling the inherent ‘nostalgia’ as well, and not in a good way.

The small lingering glances and silent conversations you’d engage in had completely disappeared, and not having Spencer has the bridge of proper communication between you and the rest of the team made merging your psychological profile with the main behavioural profile for your most recent case three steps longer than it needed to be.

Because he was basically refusing to speak to you. Following your instructions to a T.

It didn’t help that it was a child case either. You always seemed to have issues with those. You worked twice as fast, but also made twice as many mistakes, and without someone like Spencer to filter your thoughts through to make sure that they were all objective it meant that your profile was lagging behind.

The child you were looking for died before you found him.

And by the time you’d reached the jet to fly back to Virginia, you’d already internalised his death as your fault.

You kept yourself together through the airport, through boarding and take-off and until you watched your team members fall into a blanket of uneasy sleep as everyone tried to brush off the emotional wreckage that they’d seen over the last few days and detach themselves from the child they’d failed to save.

You were usually pretty good at that part.

Separating yourself from your work came naturally for you, and it was something you were extremely grateful for when getting rest after a particularly hard case. But children were different.

They always were. Especially when it felt like you had a personal hand in their death.

With an internal sigh you accepted your fate of staring at the beige walls of the jet’s cabin until you inevitably couldn’t take it anymore and barricaded yourself in the bathroom for the remainder of the flight.

Now’s about the time where you’d probably distract yourself by starting Spencer on a tangent. Getting him to talk about something that was completely unrelated to the case you’d just sat through to drown out the voices inside of your head and allow you to rest peacefully despite yourself.

But you couldn’t do that right now.

Half because Spencer was already asleep and half because you’d pushed him away.

And now you had to lie in the hole you’d created for yourself.

You didn’t even end up making it into the bathroom.

You curled your legs up into yourself in the corner chair you’d bagged yourself, rested your elbows on your knees, and covered your face with your palms as the tears started a steady flow down your cheeks.

It was honestly one of the worst feelings in the world. Curled up into yourself with your hands cupped over your mouth to keep your staggered breathing quiet enough to not wake the other agents sleeping around the cabin.

As you sat there, the weight of your emotions pressing down on you like a heavy blanket, you couldn't shake the feeling of regret for pushing Spencer away.

His concern was always genuine, his presence a source of comfort even when you didn't realise you needed it. Now, in the silence of the jet cabin, his absence felt like a void.

Each tear that slipped from your eyes felt like another weight added to the burden you were already carrying.

The familiar ache in your chest threatened to consume you as you struggled to contain the flood of emotions threatening to spill over and wake your teammates.

Despite the exhaustion pulling at your bones, sleep remained unobtainable, lost in the emotional maze of regret and self-blame that you’d managed to lose yourself in to the point where you couldn’t even stand up to give yourself some privacy.

You felt utterly alone, isolated by your own actions in every sense of the word. Each passing minute stretched on for what felt like hours, dragging you deeper into the abyss of your thoughts.

You weren’t quiet enough apparently, and you hear a small shift from the long sofa to your right as your emotional breakdown seemingly catches someone’s ears to the point where they’ve woken up.

“…are-” Spencer’s voice is quiet and mildly groggy as he wakes from the sounds of your internal anguish, and he cuts himself off before getting his whole question out.

You wanted him to leave you alone.

“sorry…” He shifts onto his side until his back is facing you, not wanting to pry if you were uncomfortable with it but also not willing to watch you break down if he knew he couldn’t do anything about it.

“I’m not okay Reid…” Your words are caught in between stunted breaths and shaking movements. “I need help-”

Your words sent an ache right through his heart that made him think it was going to split in two. He can hear the tremor in your voice, the shakiness in your tone as you force yourself to be vulnerable with him. And it makes him want to join you in a fit of tears.

If you were actively reaching out like this, it had to be bad.

“I know…” His voice is barely above a whisper as he slowly turns his body, still hesitant to look you in the eyes but wanting to see your expression.

He doesn’t know if you want comfort or advice, but he knows which he’d prefer to give as his eyes land on your face and take in the sight of you, curled up into yourself with tear stains tracking down your cheeks in the cabin’s low lighting.

“But I don’t know how to…” The silence is the worst part of the conversation from his end of things – a silence that was deafeningly loud. His eyes dart between the cabin door and you.

But he doesn’t move. He doesn’t get up, or get closer. He just stays put.

He doesn’t know what to do.

“Tell me how to help you…”

“I don’t-” You barely get the chance to start speaking before your crying renders you effectively mute, your throat filled with sobs that leave your mouth into the palm of your hand as you attempt to silence yourself and not ruin anyone else’s slumber.

He can see your fingers trembling as you hold back the noise. From across the aisle, Spencer watches the way you shake until his stomach ties in a knot just from seeing you distressed.

But there’s nothing he can do.

“Can I try something?” He murmurs his words softly, like he’s afraid of frightening you further as he pulls himself upright on the couch seat to plant his feet firmly on the floor.

You answer him with a nod, too unstable to even think about trying to answer him verbally under the threat of breaking down further.

He pads across the aisle deftly, taking a seat in the chair beside your own and deftly bringing his arm across the back of your shoulders to rub lines against your back.

It’s a somewhat pathetic pat, a mix of fatigue and hesitation mixing in his movements and making his attempt at comforting you feel clumsy and mildly awkward.

But he was trying, and that was the main point.

The awkwardness really held no ground under your inherent need to just feel comforted in the moment, and you take no note of it as you turn your head into Spencer’s shoulder with your hand still cupped over your mouth as you tremble under his arms.

His hand becomes a little more confident once you accept his attempts.

He didn’t know how to help you.

He didn’t know how to soothe you.

And the thought of not being able to save you from yourself was tearing him up inside.

But the least he could do was this.

Spencer’s touch is gentle as he places his other hand onto the back of your head, fingers brushing along your hairline as he encourages you further into his embrace.

There’s nothing he should say right now, nothing he could say right now.

Whatever would come from him would be a string of false assurances he wasn’t sure he would even believe himself.

Instead, he settles for the soft touches, his gentle fingers and trying to soften your breathless sobs into something less heartwrenching.

It felt mildly awkward to be the source of someone else’s comfort — he’d usually been on the receiving end of it — but it was working, and he could slowly feel your shoulders relax under his hands, your sobs reducing to small sniffles as you calmed under Spencer’s influence.

“Breathe…” He whispered the words quietly against the top of your head, making a show of taking deep breaths that you could feel against his chest as a silent instruction for you to mirror.

The rise and fall of his chest underneath your hand was crucial in helping you slowly regulate your breathing to match his, the remnants of sniffles that caught in your throat slowly dissipating until they were non-existent.

The peak of your distress slowly eludes you as you sink down to a gradual calm, and the harsh beating of your heart against your sternum was slowly regulating itself as well until it was soft enough that it didn’t ring in your ears.

Spencer remains quiet as he continues to rub gentle lines over your spine. If he kept you him his grasp like this for long enough, your fatigue might catch up to you and make you fall asleep. And that would be alright with him.

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you for trying to help me,” You air out your half-apology once you’re confident enough that speaking won’t send you down another spiral, your words muffled slightly against his shirt.

It’s a sudden break to the small pocket of silence you’d created, and Spencer’s hand pauses for a fleeting second before continuing to trace its path over your back. “You were stressed and I pushed a limit, it was understandable…”

He wouldn’t lie to you and say that everything was alright and he didn’t take it personally. It did hurt for you to be so harsh to him, but hearing you try to apologise made it feel a little better at least.

“I just wanted to help…”

“I know…” You turn your head further into his shoulder until your face is hidden in the curve of his neck. “I’m sorry,”

Your apology, voiced properly this time, elicited a small sigh from his lips, and he adjusted his arm around you to accommodate the new position you were in.

The feeling of somebody leaning on him, relying on him so much for comfort was a rather novel experience. He liked his distance, his personal space, and his preference for not being touched always trumped anything else. But this was different.

“Don’t apologise…” Spencer shakes his head against yours as he murmurs out his words. “Just rest…”

You give him a small hum as your only indication of acknowledging his suggestion, letting out a small yawn into his neck as the consequences of your emotional breakdown catch up to you and riddle your body with fatigue.

You were practically melting into him by now, your weight resting against his side, but Spencer wasn’t complaining.

It made you seem so vulnerable, so small and relaxed and different from how you usually presented yourself to the world.

Once your yawn reached his ears he knew your body was preparing to slip into unconsciousness.

But he couldn’t bring himself to move away from you.

He’d seen you fall asleep before; he’d seen the way your mouth had parted slightly right before a small snore left your lips, the delicate rise and fall of your chest as your breathing evened out and the way your eyebrows furrowed when you fell into a dream.

He didn’t want to interrupt his comfort by moving away. So he didn’t. It wouldn’t hurt to hold you for a little bit longer.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid angst #criminal minds angst #mgg #climacteric 🪶#asks 🫶

567 notes · View notes

poisonous-honey · 3 months

Text

Why Are Their Designs So Complicated???

Who's Here: Kaveh, Alhaitham, and Reader/Player

Contains: Self aware genshin au (not the cult au), neither Alhaitham nor Kaveh speak since they're trying to keep the fact they're self-aware hidden, Kaveh outfit slander

You thought Kaveh would be an easier character to draw. At a glance, his outfit is much simpler than a majority of the casts, so you thought he'd be a safe pick for fanart. How wrong you were.

Alhaitham watched from the sidelines, far away from where your camera was pointing, as you fawn over Kaveh. It had been a while since you came to Sumeru City for anything while you were playing, so his curiosity got the better of him. Though it was nice to hear you without needing to partake in all the labour inducing tasks you always force him to do, He could do without Kaveh looking so smug.

He suddenly hears you complain as you turn Kaveh to the right, making him finally take notice of his presence. He could see Kaveh wanted to say something, probably to gloat, but with you currently controlling him he couldn't risk anything. Kaveh still had this air of pride and arrogance surrounding him, and it was obvious he was trying to show him up. Alhaitham merely raises an eyebrow at him before quickly tuning into what you were saying.

"I should have thought this through more. Why didn't I inspect his outfit beforehand? This is painful."

Kaveh's face immediately fell before he quickly fixed his error and returned it neutral before you could notice. Though, Alhaitham could tell just looking at his eyes and the slight twitching of his fingers that Kaveh was anxious.

"Why's there a gold band on his thigh? There's no purpose for it, and I don't think that'd be comfortable to sit with. Why do so many characters just have bands on their thighs for no reason? To make drawing them take longer?"

Alhaitham continues to watch as you move Kaveh every which way, and he can see he's struggling to keep his composure.

"I-I don’t even want to draw his scarf, but he looks unfinished without it. How do I simplify this, so I don't want to die drawing more nonsensical detail."

"I just wanted to make fanart for Writing on the Wall, why do these characters have to be so complicated. His outfit looked so simple in comparison to everyone else, but now I just want to keel over."

Kaveh looked like he was about to pass out, and it's quite a shock that you haven't noticed how not normal he's currently acting. Your blindness is currently acting in their favour, though, so while you're distracted he'll try to signal to Kaveh to get a hold of himself-

"Thank God, I think I'm done sketching his outfit. Kaveh I love you so much, To the moon and back, but I'm never drawing you again. Or anyone ever… Okay that's a lie, I love you all too much, but god I wish I had the patience to not go batshit. Now I'm just exhausted and don't even want to think about colouring this right now. I'll explore Fontaine a bit, I guess. I just need my exploration team-"

Your voice fades as you switch your team and teleport away. At least that saves them from Kaveh losing his composure in front of you, but now he's sure he's having a breakdown in his house. The things he puts up with for you. At least he has new leverage to pull against him.

#genshin reader insert #x reader #sagau #self aware genshin #kaveh x reader #al haitam x reader #alhaitham x reader #Pois.Posts #pois.writes

510 notes · View notes

notafunkiller · 8 months

Text

how you get the girl

Summary: After Bucky rejects you in front of his friends and breaks your heart without realizing, you two finally confess your feelings for each other.

Pairing: neighbor!Bucky Barnes x female reader

Warnings: 18+, age gap (she is 25, he is 33), teasing, dirty talk, pet names, oral sex, nipples play, no condom (but they are both clean and the reader is on birth control), implied aftercare, no mention of y/n.

Word Count: 4.2K

story masterlist

Bucky Barnes masterlist

Please, do not repost or translate without my permission!

You don’t know how you manage not to choke when you hear Sam.

“You need to start dating, man!”

Natasha snorts, amused all of a sudden, leaning into you.

“Watch him get red.”

But you don’t answer her, a little nervous about how this will go. What if he agrees? Even worse, what if he’s already dating someone?

“You’re getting old.”

“I think you mean older,” Bucky tries to say, but Sam doesn’t seem to even pay attention.

“You are practically forty, man.”

Bucky immediately rolls his eyes. “I have a few years left until forty, Wilson. And even if I was forty, is that old now?”

You notice everyone, including Sam’s sister, listening to their conversation, and you feel like an outsider. You know all of them, you even came to their occasional gatherings, but you aren’t close to anyone but Bucky.

“No, but you’re not getting any younger.”

“You sound like a grandpa.” You watch Bucky a sip from his glass of water. “Plus, I have my girl.”

He has a girl?

Natasha turns her face to you and you make a great effort not to look back. She would see right through you.

“Oh come onnn, your cat doesn’t count!”

“Cat?” Natasha asks. “I thought he meant,” she points at you, finishing her sentence, and you gasp. You can barely hear what she’s telling you. “I thought you were his girl.”

You blush, you know you do based on how hot your cheeks feel, and you notice how everyone but Bucky stares at you. But before you can say anything, Sam snorts amused.

“Barnes could neverrr. Too young and sweet for his ass.”

“God, why are you so noisy? My love life is none of your business!” Bucky snaps and turns from Sam to Natasha as he speaks. “And of course she is not my girl. Does it seem to you she is my girl?” The sharp cold tone makes you freeze for a couple of seconds, and so do the others, completely shocked. It almost sounded as if he… maybe he is disgusted by the idea of you being his girlfriend. Ashamed of this moment and your own feelings, you look away.

“Alright, alright. Calm your tits down!”

You don’t hear the rest of the conversation, you block everything out as you stare at your hands. You’re on the verge of crying and you have to bite your cheek really hard not to. It’s embarrassing. But the fact that he actually rejected you without rejecting you makes everything harder to handle.

For a little while, you even pretend everything’s alright as you drink some water, but in reality, you can barely breathe. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom, excuse me.”

You leave as quickly as you can before having a breakdown right there.

You take a few minutes, trying to calm down and control your emotions as you wash your face. Your eyes are slightly red, but not red enough for people to notice. When you close the door, you jump seeing Bucky in the hallway. “Hey. Are you okay?”

He analyzes you for a few seconds, trying to make sure you’re fine. He knows you hate this type of interaction and attention, but he didn’t realize how bad it is. He should have punched Sam instead of talking.

“Hey. Uhm, do you mind if I leave? I don’t feel very well.”

He wants to say something, you can see by the way he opens his mouth and hesitates, and he decides against it, nodding.

“Sorry for going so suddenly.”

He shakes his head.

“Don’t apologize for this, let me grab our bags.”

“No, no. You should stay, they’re your friends after all. They missed you. No one would even notice I am gone.” It’s the truth, and the last thing that you want is to make him feel obligated to drop you off. You don’t want to be his burden.

“I would.” He immediately replies and sighs. “They would too, they like you even thought… I am sorry for ear-”

“It’s okay, Bucky.” You give him the fakest smile after interrupting him. It really is okay. He should have fun and not worry about you. They’re his group after all. “You should stay, you don’t have to drive me home, I promise I am a big girl, I can handle it.”

Bucky frowns. Once because you think he feels it’s an obligation and once for name choice. “What about James?”

“I… Everyone calls you Bucky so it just slipped.”

“I want to come with you, doll. Don’t worry about this, okay? And I really miss our babies.”

You try to hold back a wave of tears as you turn around. You can’t continue to fight him on this. “Gonna get my bag then.”

Bucky follows immediately and gives everyone a clear fuck you look. “It’s getting late, we’re gonna go now, thanks for the game.” He takes his phone from the table before leaning in a little more so he can curse Sam in his ear. “Fuck you!”

“Fuck you back, grandpa, “ Sam whispers as you awkwardly say goodbye and wave toward everyone. They are not to blame at all for your sensitivity.

Bucky fights the instinct to place his hand on your back as you walk in front of him, wanting to show you some comfort and at the same time be close to you. He loves to touch you whenever he can.

“Take care of her, Barnes,” Natasha says before you close the entrance door.

You keep your eyes closed a lot, just listening to his humming and the radio, for the whole ride.

He opens the passenger door and helps you out of the car as soon as you arrive, but there is clear tension between you. He can sense it right away. When you reach your floor, you hesitate.

You would usually spend a little more time together, especially since it’s still early, but you have no energy to pretend you’re fine and totally not about to cry because your feelings are not mutual. “I think I’ll take a shower and go to bed… so rain check?”

Bucky tries not to show he’s disappointed and scared when he looks up and nods. “Of course, I totally understand, and I am sorry again. The last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable. They were dicks.” He sighs, running a hand through his already messy hair. “Give Miss Bubbles some snuggles for me, please. And thank you for coming tonight!”

And he’s gone before you can reply, making you start crying as soon as you close your door.

Miss Bubbles comes to you, smelling your shoes and your pants. “Hey, baby.”

“Meow.”

“Just us tonight.”

Her wet nose immediately makes you smile when she presses it into your hand. “Missed you, too.”

Bucky can’t relax despite Alpine’s tries to make him give her attention. He took a shower, changed, but he can’t focus on anything. Evenings feel lonely without you and Miss Bubbles, as cliche as it seems. He hates how uncomfortable his friends made you feel today. It’s the last thing he wanted, yet it still happened. Sam is a good guy, but he should have known better.

Sighing, Bucky finishes making the hot chocolate and looks down at Alpine. “Gonna visit our friends tonight. Not sure if they’ll forgive us, but it’s worth a try.”

You know it’s him when he knocks on the door, but you have no time to actually make yourself look presentable. It’s clear you’ve been crying.

You open the door with a sigh. “Did anything happen?”

“Made some chocolate, may I come in?”

Alpine doesn’t wait for your answer as she finds her way inside the apartment.

“I’m tired, Bucky.”

He blinks a couple of times, noticing your red cheeks and eyes. “Bucky again?”

You open the door defeated. “You can come in, James.”

Grateful, he gives you a smile as you close the door.

“This is for you.” He hands you a red cup before he starts off his slippers. “But it’s really hot.”

“Thanks. It was not needed, I just felt a little tired.”

You’re not a bad liar at all, truth be told. You even sounded honest. But you know he didn’t buy it anyway.

“I am sorry for today.”

“You said that three times now.” You complain before sitting down on the couch, waiting for him to join you like he usually does.

“Well, I really am. I know you hate this…”

“Hate what, James?” You take a sip and you groan. He makes the best hot chocolate ever!

“The way everyone was talking… It was not polite or nice. They tried to tease me through you, and I am sorry on their behalf.”

“Tease you through me about what? I am very obviously not your girl, right?”

His ears get red instantly, and Alpine comes to sit on his lap. “I am sorry, Natasha is…” Your humorless laugh interrupts him. “Did you come here to reject me again, Bucky? Two times were enough, trust me!”

“Reject you?’ He places his cup on the table. “What?”

“James, seriously, stop! I got the message, you don’t want more, it’s fine. Just stop apologizing for this.”

“I did not reject you!”

“And of course she is not my girl.” You quote him, placing your cup down, too. “Of course! Because it’d be such a terrible thing. What did Sam say? Oh yes, too innocent and sweet aka too naive, young and dumb for you!”

“God, doll, please, slow down! And this is not… this is not what I think. It’s the opposite, but they had no right to put you in a place like that. If you were my girl, it would be obvious.” He’s talking quickly, trying to explain as well as he can.

“Get out, but Alpine stays!” You don’t know where this comes from, but you won’t take it back.

“What?”

“I said get out, I don’t want liars in my apartment.” Alpine jumps from his lap to yours as if he understood what you said and agrees. You’d rather be rejected than let him pity-talk to you.

“God, baby, I swear I-” He stands up. “It’s a misunderstanding. I didn’t say that cause I didn’t want you… I do, I think it’s obvious, but like… I didn’t want them to corner you any-”

“It’s obvious?” You snort, totally unamused. “Yeah, that you rejected me.”

“I did not!”

“You did.”

Bucky pauses and closes his eyes for a couple of seconds before turning more to you when it hits him. “I cannot believe we confessed we like each other like this.”

You pause, too, and Alpine meows annoyed. “You like me?”

“Obviously…” he groans. “Everyone knows it at this point.”

“Except for me! When were you gonna say something?” You ask, trying to keep your breathing under control. Is this really happening?

“I wasn’t… I’m not the best option.”

“Best option for what? I’m not looking for a new phone.”

“You are younger, and fun, smarter, sweeter… You are worth so much!”

So he thinks he’s not good enough for you just the way you think you aren’t good enough for him.

“And I like an old man.” You smile teasingly. “With long hair. Who gives the best hugs and is an idiot.”

You’ve been crushing on him for months now. You can’t believe how he didn’t see right through you, but you didn’t realize he likes you, either, so you can’t judge him much.

“Do you mean it mean it? As in serious relationship?”

“God, James, do I have to spell it out for you?” You grab his face.

“No.” He smirks, looking down. “And I am sorry, baby Alpine, but you’ll have to move.” He gently puts Alpine on the floor as she meows annoyed and grabs you, dragging you onto his lap. “I can’t believe you think I’d reject you.”

“I can’t believe you’d think about options…” She touches his face. “I liked you since I saw you in those pink shorts.”

Bucky laughs, remembering the moment. “You did not!”

“Oh, I did. Those arms helped a lot.”

He groans. “God, I felt like a creep that day… actually the whole week, I kept staring at your boobs.”

“Did you ever stop?” You tease amused. “You don’t like my boobs anymore?”

“Doll…”

“What?” You suddenly grab your boobs over your T-shirt and bring them closer to his face.

“Stop-” He closes his eyes, groaning. He cannot think straight at all, and his pants show immediately how he feels. You smile as you notice his erection.

“You’re already getting hard, so why stop?”

“I don’t want to do something too…”

“Too what?” You lean in a bit to finally kiss him. You’ve been waiting for ages to finally taste him, and he immediately answers, his hand wrapping around the back of your neck as you open your mouth.

“You taste so sweet,” you say.

“You taste sweeter, fuck me… I wanted to do this for a long time.”

“Who stopped you?” You don’t let him kiss you again, focusing on his neck this time. You wanted to leave hickeys there ever since you met him.

“My moral code.”

You snort. “You are not eighty, silly. Do I look like I don’t want it?” You push your hips toward his erection to make sure there’s no doubt in his mind. You’re so excited about this. It feels surreal.

“You seem like you want me.” He smiles. “Close to how I want you I guess.”

“I think more.” You place your hand on his chest in a heartbeat. “Wanna eat you whole.”

“Meow.”

“Not now, Miss Bubbles.” You groan. You love her a lot, but you’re about to finally get her daddy all to yourself.

“Meow.” It’s Alpine this time.

“I am gonna give them some wet food,” you sigh, getting off him. “You can… make yourself more comfortable.”

It doesn’t take more than a minute before you’re back with a smile. “So where were we?”

“We were kissing.” His hair is now free; his hairband on his wrist. You love his hair so much that you can’t wait to feel it properly under your touch.

“You look so hot.”

He snorts. “Thanks! So do you. God, can’t believe those pricks were right!”

You get back on top of him without thinking twice and kiss his cheek. “Stop thinking about them. Your dick doesn’t…”

“God, look at that mouth, you were tired of waiting for me, huh?”

“Yes, I was. Did Natasha tell you that?” You tease.

“They might have suggested I should make a move.” Your hum, your fingers finding their way under his shirt before touching his tummy. “Doll-”

“What? I really wanted to do this for a long time.”

“I did… do, too, but I don’t want to rush.”

That’s thoughtful. Very thoughtful.

“You’ve been my friend for months now, James. And I wanted to be more than your friend for months.”

“Same, but there is no rush, just so you know.”

“Well, you’ve already said that, and there is no rush. Unless you don’t want-”

He kisses you, interrupting you immediately. His hands go straight under your pants and panties to grab your ass.

“James!” You cry in the middle of the kiss. His touch feels so good.

“Hmm?”

“Thought you didn’t want to.”

“I want to, trust me.” He smiles. “But that doesn’t mean we have to.” Then he kisses you again. “We stop when you want.”

“Oh, come on, old man. Who told you I want to stop?”

Bucky squeezes your hips.

“Old man?”

“Yeah. Old and annoying,” you say before starting to take off his T-shirt, and he immediately lifts his hands.

“And horny for you “

“Not horny in general?”

“I don’t know. You’ve been on my mind for months.”

He’s been on your mind for months, too. Daily, you thought about him in any possible way.

“Dirty old man wanting to fuck a young, naive woman.”

“You’re into roleplaying?” He winks, blushing because of the way you phrased it.

“I am into fucking an old man on my couch.”

“What if I want to fuck you?”

You roll your eyes. “Your cock will be inside me either way.”

He laughs and takes ahold of your T-shirt, and just like that, before you can even react, it’s ripped and lying on the floor.

“James Buchanan Barnes!”

“Buchanan!” He repeats amused, but his focus is on your breasts, your hard nipples making it impossible for him to focus on anything else. “Oh God, these are so pretty and all mine.” He reaches out to grab them.

“Yours?”

He brings them together and lowers his head until his mouth touches them.

“James!”

His tongue is immediately on the skin, licking up and down until he finally has mercy enough to wrap his lips around one of your nipples.

You moan. “Good boy.”

“I’m your good boy, baby.”

That makes you groan again because this is too much!

“God, Bucky, you are so hot right now.”

“Just now?”

You smile. “Always, but especially in moments like this.”

“Oh fuck, do you have a condom?”

“I do, yeah. But do we need it?”

He lets go of your breasts and wraps his hand around your chin before he licks a spot right above your collarbone. “I won’t ask again, so are you sure?”

“I won’t change my mind, James. Now take your pants off, I want you in my mouth.”

“God, keep going and I will come in that-”

“Good, I want you to come in my mouth. And on these,” you grab your breasts again to drive him crazy. “Since you like them so much. And inside me.”

“All tonight?” He asked all shook.

“Why? You can’t get it up again, grandpa? One and done?” You know teasing him might not be the brightest idea since he can use it against you, but it doesn’t matter.

“I guess we’ll see.” He shrugs, not even trying to deny it. He gets extra points for not being offended. “Now take off your pants.”

“Just pants?”

He rolls his eyes. “I thought you wanted my come all over you.”

“I do, but I’m too lazy to-”

“Just tell me you want me to rip them.”

You gasp, getting off him. “Fuck you.”

“You will if you get naked.”

You take off your pants and panties, struggling with your socks a little, and when you turn your focus on him you see him sitting naked on the couch, waiting for you.

His hand is wrapped around his hard cock, but he’s not stroking it, his eyes focusing on you.

“You’re so fucking hard.”

Bucky laughs, shaking his head amused. “I thought you knew that.”

“Fuck you for holding back!” You complain and drop on your knees in front of him, taking him by surprise.

“You held back, too.”

“You seemed uninterested,” she says all defensive.

“See how uninterested I am?” He grabs his erection to emphasize his point, and you moan, touching the head with the tips of your fingers.

“Fuck.”

“Baby… let’s just-”

“Can you take off your hands?” You ask with a pout.

“What?”

“I really want to suck you off.”

It’s not a want at this point, it’s a freaking need. You have to do it, it’s an urge.

“And I really want to get inside you.”

You whimper annoyed. “Just a taste.”

“Just a taste.” He nods and takes off his hand, and just like that, your mouth immediately takes over as you wrap your hand around the rest of his cock while you try to take more in.

“Oh God, warn me, woman…”

You ignore him, fully focusing on licking his dick and not biting him. Breathing is hard as you gag a few times, but you try your best. You’re not used to it, especially since he’s thicker than you expected, and you’re nervous. You have no idea how he likes it and you can’t say you did it many times before. You just really want him to like it.

“Breathe, baby.” He moves the hair from your face, holding it in his right hand so he can look at you properly. “No rush.”

You start bobbing your head at some point, your fingers digging into his thigh.

“Fuck, do you want me to come in your mouth? Would you swallow for me or should I come all over your pretty tits?”

You scratch the skin of his legs as you bob your head faster, and he doesn’t need too much to come as he pulls your hair as nicely as he can.

“Good girl, my pretty baby.” He moans.

You don’t swallow completely as you finally let his still semi-hard cock out of your mouth, showing him your tongue.

“Baby, God…” He moans as you wait for a couple of seconds. “Want to swallow for me, pretty girl?’

You give him a wink before doing that, and Bucky feels he’s on another planet.

“You’re still hard.”

“And I am getting harder.”

“Good.” You smile innocently before you hug him, hiding your face in the crook of his neck. He’s so soft and warm, and he’s all yours.

“You are so sweet.” You feel his mouth on your shoulder. “I’m so fucking lucky.”

“I am lucky, too. You’re the sweetest man I’ve ever met.”

“What a sweet couple we are.” He teases.

“Yeah, dirty sweet.”

“I don’t think…” He hesitates, making you curious about what he’s about to say. There’s no way he’s rejecting you, so what is on his mind? “I don’t know how we’ll be apart from now on.”

“James!” You look at him emotionally.

“It probably sounds psychotic or weird, but…”

“Shut up!” Your fingers cover his bottom lip instantly, stopping him. “You are mine from now on, just so you know.”

He nods happily before kissing the tip of your thumb. “All yours.”

“Won’t you ask if I am all yours?”

He snorts. “Are you all mine?”

“Your cooking skills are amazing.” You let out a laugh as soon as you finish your phrase. “And a great hair. And I’m all yours.”

“All mine?” He lifts your ass a bit, and you gasp. “Would you fuck me then, ma’am?”

You giggle, moving your hand between your bodies to be able to grab his cock and position it at your entrance. “This is gonna feel so good,” you say before eagerly sliding down, making you both moan.

“S-so wet.” He groans trying to get further inside you. “You don’t even need lube.”

“Fuck me, James, you feel so good inside me.” You can barely whisper, as you start to move, testing for a little, trying to see what feels the most pleasant. His cock is not small, not huge, not too thick, not too thin, and it feels perfect.

“You held back for what?” You complain, using his shoulder for support, his hands on your hips to help you move better, too. “If I knew you liked me…” You moan, surprised when you feel his tongue on your breast.

“You know now. We trust each other… it’s perfect.”

“James…”

“Hmm?”

“It feels so… s-so good like this.”

“Yeah?�� He smiles against your skin and thrusts again. “You like when I’m fucking you back?”

“Ihm.”

“You’re so wet around me, feeling like a glove. My perfect baby.”

His words make you feel dizzy. You match so well you can’t believe it “I’m so close.”

“Good girl.” He moans your name before licking your chest, leaving small bites everywhere he can. “I want to live inside you forever.”

“J-James…”

“So pretty, so lovely.”

He takes properly over movement as you stay still on top of him, clenching from time to time because you’re so close you feel him everywhere. The way he whispers how good you are, how great you feel, and how you should come, plus his teeth on your neck make you come after a while, and Bucky follows soon after that because of your loud moans. You’re both trembling as you come, your head falling on his shoulder.

“I feel so full,” you whisper.

“You are full, lovely.”

“Ihm.”

Your body feels heavy all of a sudden, sleepiness taking over you.

“Let’s get you cleaned.”

“But I don’t want to let go.” You complain, gripping him harder. You just want to stay there in his arms.

“Gonna carry you to the bathroom, how about this?” You open your eyes and you nod, so tired.

“Sounds good.”

The cats are waiting in front of the door when Bucky opens it with a hand while still carrying you. He walks past them, careful not to step on their tails, and goes straight to the bathroom, cleaning you with a semi-wet towel, then himself before getting both of you ready for sleep.

Good thing he locked up his apartment because he’s not going anywhere tonight. You fall asleep with Alpine on your pillow and Miss Bubbles on the chair while Bucky’s holding you.

#bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes au #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #dilf!bucky barnes #dilf!bucky #neighbor!bucky barnes #neighbor!bucky #my stories #my fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic

778 notes · View notes

dontexpecttomakesense · 6 months

Text

There is something that I find so very interesting on Bullfrog's reaction to Rayman's breakdown when he shows him the reality of Eden and the concequences of his complicity

Look at him.

He's horrified.

Up until that point, he had been treating Rayman with a certain disdain. He called him the "poster boy of Eden", refered to him with a very distant and professional "sir", compared to the fact that he immediately started calling "mon ami" to complete strangers that he had met on a holding cell about two days ago. The way he said how he expected that the contents of his bubble wouldn't be to Rayman's liking had a certain mokery to it. He knew it would be unconfortable for him, and to an extent was going to enjoy that.

And it's not like he didn't have reason to, Rayman entered to room expecting and looking for a way to get his old job back. To get the security, the feeling of safety and confort that he had grown used to over the years. He reframed everything to how unfair it was to him, while talking to a man that was about to go to a kangaroo court to be sentenced to death. He responded to every instance with the Eden-approved responces that had been burned into his brain broadcast after broadcast. He postrated himself to Eden's feet because he genuinely believed that he was nothing without them.

And when they reach the tipping point, Bullfrog, in spite of his best efforts to reach out, saw Rayman as a lost cause. He went into spitting the bubble fully convinced that he'd watch a man go all in into denial of everthing that would be shown to him.

Instead he watched how Rayman unravelled into a mental breakdown and throw up out of sheer stress.

But he didn't intend that. He didn't mean to hurt him. At least not as deeply as he did. He's sorry that Rayman had to live through that.

Interestingly enough, right after this scene, he pointedly refers to him as "mon ami". Offers some confort so Rayman understands that he had been used. And he defends him in front of Red. Because a reaction like that doesn't come from someone who genuinely loves and believes in Eden. He saw for the first time beyond the poster boy who had one slip up. Rayman is guilty of being complicit of many things in the name of Eden, but he's also a victim of Eden's machinations. He's misguided and ignorant, in denial, but he's not evil. He's kind, he is "just". He wants a better life for everyone, for hibrids, for children.

You watch that face in that instant and you can read "Oh God, he cares. He really cares and loves for the hibrids and the children and now he has to watch how they have used him to cover up how much they abuse them."

#captain laserhawk #rayman #bullfrog captain laserhawk #bullfrog #captain lazerhawk rayman

798 notes · View notes

harmoonix · 1 year

Text

Fairytale - Astro Notes

The night will hold us close

And the stars will guide us home

Your lips were soft like winter

In your passion, I was lost

✿❉ ╤╤╤╤ ✿ ╤╤╤╤ ❉✿

Mercury in Capricorn/Scorpio don't like to share all the things they do or did and rather keep it only for them in order to respect their privacy

Moon - Mars intense aspects: The native can get easily angry and can go through a rollercoaster of emotions, usually they end up having a breakdown in order to let themselves feel calm as at peace. They have an very intense nature (This can apply if you have semi-square or the other minor aspects aswell.

Scorpio Placements tend to have a very difficult time when it comes to love, they might feel that is always something to struggle with, their partners, emotions, feelings, etc... Some of them can easily end up heartbroken

Sagittarius Mars can get very scary when they are angry, this placement can indicate having a destructive side of you (kinda like a destroyer), and most times they don't think when they are angry and mostly act based on what they feel in that moment. Omg i imagine this placement as a Volcano erupting when they get angry

Neptune - Sun/Moon aspects: Radiating a very calm and peaceful aura, they can have a very calming personality and you can feel safe around them. For some reason i imagine this placement as someone who is like "Don't worry I'm here everything will be fine if we are together"😭 ( I love this)

Jupiter - Moon aspects can make the native to express their feelings more calmly and peacefully than other Planets. The native has a very powerful inner world, and very powerful intense emotions if you have conjunction between these too you can feel people's emotions without them telling you how they feel. This is also a very lucky to have, Jupiter helps the native to reach their goals and their dreams by using the power of emotions make sure to always understand your inner world

Mercury - Uranus aspects: The native can have a different accent than others while talking, they can have a very different writing style too and people always feel charmed by these natives due to their unique communication style. Also Uranus can make Mercury sometimes to talk too fast and sometimes to stutter during this

Pluto - Mercury aspects: Yes their sexy voices can rise all the hormones in your body, but these natives are very powerful at communicating and talking, knowing how to use the words at the perfect time. But omg yes another honorable mentions because of their voices!!🔥🔥🔥🔥 Men with these aspects are very attractive they can have a very deep gentle voice

Jupiter in the 8th house: Besties you know what time it is😍. It's time to become rich 💲👄💲, if you are attracted to men this placement can mean you will marry someone rich (Especially after marrying it says in the prophecy that usually these people have very successful marriages) + Abundent sex life because is the 8th house

An advice from me, for everyone with Venus - Saturn/Venus - Neptune/Venus - Pluto harsh aspects: Don't force love, love is supposed to come naturally. If the love doesn't come naturally and you have the feeling you need to force yourself for love...there was never love ❤️‍🩹

Usually people with 8th house in Water Sign (Cancer, Pisces, Scorpio) are very sensual in bed and might hold an infinity of kinks while if you have a fire sign in the 8th house (Leo. Sagittarius, Aries) you might have kinks that imply rough romantism. Omg men with Leo in the 8th house are in their natural element

Uranus - Mars harsh aspects: Breaking bed marathon, addiction to sexual activities, these natives can be pretty horny and dirty minded 😭

8th house in an Earth Sign (Virgo, Capricorn, Taurus) usually like to have ✨ Quality time ✨ so before going to sensual part they tend to spend time kissing and talking with you and when they go to action... 😍 While 8th house in an Air Sign (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) might be into touching and communicating trough love, usually these people are very comforting during and after sensual time. I kinda feel like they are "Don't worry I'm here we do this together vibe" is so cute. I know they are good people when it comes to after care 😍✨

People with Mars - Saturn aspects: They usually have really godly bone structure, if they do gym in order to take muscles this might come in time and the result is 😍 100% good. Men with those aspects can be very strong physically

1st house ruler in the 10th house means that the native is gonna focus a lot on the career and professions about their career. They have big chances for going in high professions of our world

1st house ruler in the in the 4th house means that native main focus is their family, their are family lovers and love to spend time with their love ones

1st house ruler in the 8th house means that the native main focus is the transformation, they will evolve and transform a lot of times and going through a lot of stages in life. Rebirthing and learning through the experiences of life

1st house ruler in the 12th house means that the main focus in your life is spirituality and meditation, especially soul healing, tend to have a very powerful intuition and have a very powerful subconscious

- Hello guys 😍 is been a while since i posted my last post so here i am for another post, i love to make those fairy tale inspired aesthetics, a new post a new style kind of thing💕😊!

Love and peace to you all 😊💕 also never forget as i will always say... If you feel this doesn't reasonate with you make sure to check your vedic and sidereal charts💕!

If you need help with that 1st house ruler thing in my post I'm here to help you! 😊💕

1st house ruler in the 4th house. = What's your rising bestie? Let's say for this post that I'm an Pisces Rising (i love you all Pisces Risings so much, I'm rooting for you)

Pisces Rising = Pisces first house (Ruled by Neptune/Jupiter) now watch where Neptune and Jupiter are in your chart 😊if they are located in the 4th house this thing will be called (1st house ruler {Neptune, Jupiter} in the 4th house 😊💕! And the things goes on for the other placements!

If you are a Pisces Rising but you have Neptune in your 7th house that is called (1st house ruler in the 7th house) !💕😊

My 1st house ruler is located in the 1st house (Basically i have the ruler of the ascendant in the 1st house) in my tropical and in my sidereal is located in the 7th house, where is your 1st house located?

Maybe this can help you if you are new to astrology and want to learn about the house rulers 💋!

Harmoonix 💋

2K notes · View notes

cypherthesuccubus · 24 days

Text

Let daddy take the reigns~

Luci x Reader -Part 1- (NSFW) (MDNI)!!!!!!

Warnings: smut, daddy kink, praise kink, body worship, cock worship, pussy worship, gentle dom luci, edging, tail play, she/ her pronouns, vaginal sex, creampie

Other tags: Fluff, angst

Luci is the aftercare king~ ✨

Part 1 of Luci x Reader is here!! Let’s see what adventures await you this time~ 😍✨(sorry for the wait again. Got busy around the house and kids lol 😂)

(Y/N’s P.O.V)

As I walk through the halls of Morningstar manor; my mind couldn’t help but wonder. Looking up at the paintings, strewn across the halls; each one depicting the seemingly happy family of Lucifer, Lilith, and Charlie. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been close friends with Lilith ever since the first time I’ve went to one of their annual gala’s. A friend of mine convinced me to go since there was gonna be free food and drinks; which was the main reason I went. I’ve never been one for social events; they’re always so uncomfortable when you don’t know anyone there. In the end, it turned out better than it did when Queen Lilith at the time; decided to chat up a conversation with me over the punch bowl. It was an instant click of how well her and me got along; we even went on shopping trips together; just having fun like a couple of teenage BFF’s. In turn, also meant that I got to know Lucifer and Charlie better too over time. Charlie is like the perfect mixture of her parents in both looks and personality; very sweet girl to be blessed with as a daughter. Lucifer was definitely silly and fun; always had so many creative ideas with incredible powers to boot. On my end, they always seemed like a picture perfect happy family, but I guess that was a fantasy. During later years, everytime I had a girl’s day with her and Lucifer came up in the conversation; she became more dismissive of him as a subject of topic. I always told her if anything is going on, don’t hesitate to let me know. But, I guess she never really wanted to talk about him as much as she used to. Then one day, her messages and calls never came through when I tried to contact her. As if she went completely silent; not wanting anything to do with me anymore.

Coming to find out, when I went to visit the manor that day to see what was up; there was Lucifer just sitting in his study in a fetal position on the floor. He was having a serious mental breakdown on account of Lilith wanting to separate, and left as soon as the papers were signed. No one knew where she went; just dissipated without as much as a text to let us know she’s still alive. I guess our friendship didn’t mean that much to her either, but Lucifer was definitely suffering more than I was. For the longest time after she left, he would completely lock himself away from everyone; barely eat or sleep due to his constant cry’s of pain and agony every single night. He really loved her so much that he would do anything for her, only to realize it was all a dream and she never wanted to spend the rest of eternity with him after all. For months no one heard from him, not even Charlie the poor girl. Many of the servants tried to get him to do at least something to let them know he’s still alive, but honestly it was mostly to see if they had a job or not. I started making my attempts to persuade him out of the room or at least have a conversation. I would visit 3 times a day for 4 hours; sitting on the floor while leaning against one of the double doors. I would tell him about my day and how things were going in my life, like you do when you hang out with friends. I mostly wanted him to know even thou things didn’t work out with Lilith; doesn’t mean you’re alone. I constantly reassured him that he’ll always have a friend in me when he’s ready to talk. This went on for an entire year without as much as a noise from him.

I soon arrive at the double doors once again; sitting down in the same spot. While sitting against the door once more; talking about how my night went before coming to the manor. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep this up. It’s been an entire year and still nothing! God! I know Lilith was my best friend, but why did she pull something like this?! She has left him in pieces with absolutely no way to put him back together. Before I decided to call a quits for the very last time; I decided to put my all in my final attempt to get him to talk to me. “Luci….I know getting over Lilith is gonna be absolute hell….literally….but you do have Charlie that needs you. She needs her dad more than anything now. She’s been on the news; talking about her dreams towards redemption for sinners. Obviously it didn’t go well and everyone pretty much laughed at her face. She’s pretty much been made a joke to every denizen of hell who watched the news. She must be so hurt right now…..she really needs someone to help support her dreams more than ever now….so please…please come out of there….do it for Charlie….she needs you.”

I waited for what seemed like an eternity; still no response. If that wouldn’t work, nothing will at this point. With a heavy heart, I picked myself off the floor and proceeded down the hallway. As I was at least 4 feet from his door, I picked up a slow clicking sound; coming from behind me. I turned around so fast to see it was his door slowly opening. I walked back to the door; stopping just a foot away to see Luci finally standing in front of the now opened door after so long. He looked a mess; his hair was pointing in many different directions with his clothes was a very loose fitting white shirt; paired with grey sweatpants. It was hanging off his small waist showing the hem of his black boxer breifs. He definitely hasn’t slept very well due to the dark circles under his eyes. I felt so bad for him that this got him in such a state like this. But he finally made the decision to show himself, so I’m gonna help him the best I can to get him back on track.

(Luci’s P.O.V)

She was right! No matter how things are right now, my daughter still needs me! This entire year has been absolutely horrific for me. I still can’t believe that Lilith would do this to me. After everything we’ve been through; obviously meant nothing to her now. I would do anything for her, but I guess it wasn’t mutual. It still baffled me how Lilith’s best friend, (Y/N), would make it her personal mission to help me all this time. I guess in a way, she was hurt by Lilith as well since that was her best friend. Still she came to my door 3 times a day every day for an entire year. I couldn’t ask for a better friend than (Y/N); I’m definitely going to do better for me and my daughter!! “Thank you, (Y/N)….I appreciate you opening my eyes to what’s important.” She smiled as she offered to help me to get cleaned up, along with other self care stuff. She went through my drawers to pull out clean pair of my red and white silk pjs along with clean black boxers. She brings me to the bathroom; sitting me down as she starts the shower while setting up all the essentials. “Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be out cleaning up the room and putting fresh sheets on your bed.” I smile at her “No problem.” she then takes her leave, shutting the door.

Finally stepping out of the shower, I wrap a towel around my waist as I walk out the bathroom; drying my hair with a second towel. I look around to see my room being spotless for the first time and my bed neatly made. She really didn’t have to do this, but I greatly appreciated it nonetheless. I head to my bed; picking up the clean clothes as I put them on one by one. Finally brushing my hair, the door of my bedroom open with (Y/N) walking in with a tray with a 2 big plates full of pancakes. “How did you know pancakes was one of my favorite comfort foods?” She giggled as she places the tray on the night stand “I’ve noticed that when the servants brought you food; you always took the pancakes over anything else.” I smiled genuinely, grabbing a plate as I proceed to sit in the middle of my bed. (Y/N) grabs her plate as she joins me “Did you want to watch a movie while we eat?” I nodded; taking a bite of the pancakes “Sounds good to me! What should we watch?” She takes a minute to think about her answer; perking up as she got the perfect idea “OOOH! There’s this new comedy movie that just came out actually. We can watch that.” I chuckled; taking another bite “Sounds great!”

The movie was really funny surprisingly. I’ve never been one to watch too much TV since it really scrambles the brain, but I honestly need the distraction. But I didn’t expect the sudden romance between the main guy and his sister’s best friend. I thought she said this was a comedy, maybe she missed that somewhere when looking at the trailer maybe? “Isn’t this a comedy?” She looks at the movie confused, then pulls her phone up to look at the genre of the film. “Oooooh it’s a romantic comedy. I’m so sorry we can change it if you want.” I chuckle as I start waving my hands back and forth “No no no no no! It’s fine! I was just wondering is all.” She puts her phone away; bringing her plate back in her lap “Well ok then! As long as you’re comfortable.” She smiles at me as she pats my shoulder. We turn our attention back to the movie; shoveling another fork full of pancakes into our mouths.

Everything was going good until a certain scene started to unveil. Of course it was implied, but still felt very realistic. The main guy was getting very….intimate with the best friend. Touching and caressing her as they kissed passionately; slowly undressing each other. I clear my throat as I hook my finger into the collar of the silk pjs; pulling out to let some air down my shirt.

I guess she really didn’t know this was going to be in the movie. I glance over at her to see how she was holding up with this. Her cheeks were flushed as she stared wide eyed at the scene. She swallowed hard as I noticed a tiny shift with her crossed legs; trying to inch closer together. I had to look away for she almost caught me staring at her. I feel my cheeks start to heat up from embarrassment. I literally have only been divorced for only a year and here I am; getting flustered over a “intimate” scene while sitting next to (Y/N) being flustered as well. Maybe she should have changed the movie? This should feel wrong to be like this next to your ex wife’s best friend…….but it strangely felt……so right at the same time. What am I thinking?! I’ve been with Lilith for so long and now a year later of not being with her; something like this is making me all hot and bothered so easily?! Maybe I am a little touch deprived due to everything, and rightfully so. But should I feel like this when around (Y/N)? Wouldn’t it be considered betrayal? Well, not really if Lilith left me to begin with. Maybe it’s not so wrong. I mean….I kinda did find (Y/N)…..rather attractive. Maybe….even more than a little~ Maybe…..it wouldn’t hurt to……indulge~

#hazbin #hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer morningstar #lucifer magne #18+ content #18+ only #lucifer x y/n #lucifer x reader #lucifer x you #lucifer smut #hazbin smut #18+ account #18+ post #18+ blog

192 notes · View notes

battlekidx2 · 3 months

Text

Since the season of Hazbin Hotel has ended I'm going to update my thoughts on who Alastor made a deal with because this is probably the aspect of the show where my opinion has shifted the most. I originally thought he was connected with Lilith (like a lot of other people) then I thought it could be Eve, but now I'm fairly sure it's not either of them.

I think it might be Roo.

Roo is a character that hasn't yet made an appearance in Hazbin Hotel or Helluva Boss, but has been a looming presence for years now if you've kept up with Vivziepop, references to them appearing in the background of both shows, and stated to be the root of all evil. Basically the endgame "villain" of this universe.

It was that last episode that really shifted my perspective on who Alastor has the deal with. The biggest thing was something I noticed in the finale, but then saw other people point out after the fact as well, and that's the fact that eyes follow Alastor around anywhere he goes. (This post in particular shows just how prevalent eyes following Alastor is through the show)

When Alastor is having his breakdown the eyes specifically look like this.

Look a bit familiar?

Whenever Alastor is questioned about his whereabouts for the last seven years he always gets shifty. Eyes darting around, face pointedly looking away from whoever he's talking to, making sure he defuses the question without giving any indication of the real answer.

I initially thought this was because some of these comments hit too close to home and his pride wouldn't allow him to show any weakness, but pair it with the eyes that follow him around and there's the possibility that he's instead being forced to keep quiet. These eyes are watching him, making sure he stays in line. Alastor has to walk on eggshells just in case whoever it is that owns his soul is watching.

It's this ability to make Alastor stay on guard coupled with the moment in the destroyed radio tower that all but confirmed that whoever it is Alastor is, at least on some level, afraid of them. Or at the very least it's someone Alastor shows much more restraint and pause around than anyone else he has come face to face with in the series. Someone who has him on high alert.

This is the same guy who immediately started a conflict with Lucifer because he felt his pride threatened. The literal king of hell who he has to know is more powerful than him. Yet at no point does Alastor ever feel like he's walking on eggshells around him like he does this invisible entity that owns his soul.

If this is the case then what if the person that Alastor made a deal with is even more powerful than Lucifer himself? Or at least close to Lucifer's power level, but much more willing to use it? Someone Alastor can't find leverage over like he can the king of hell.

That really limits the options for who it could be.

I still think that whatever happened 7 years ago Lilith was involved, but the more hints we get to the reality of Lilith and Alastor's situations the more convinced I am that she isn't the one he has a contract with.

Whatever happened 7 years ago it was enough to get her to make a deal with Adam to stay in heaven, hidden from everyone including her family, and it made Alastor go missing for that same period of time.

I've never been a theory person, but this story thread in Hazbin Hotel is incredibly enticing. I can't wait for next season to see where they take this.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor #radio demon #i love this show #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel theory #this could be wrong #this is for fun #I don't typically do theories #but this show has me enthralled #amazon prime

309 notes · View notes

eliluvschan · 2 months

Text

My Eternity

pairing: bang chan x reader

word count: 2.098

warnings: cutie channie explaining his relationship & like one curse word?

genre: fluff

a/n: when i tell you i've never had a boyfriend would you believe me? lmaoo i blame the 4am thoughts for this one. took me 4 hours to write this with like 7 mental breakdowns through? i was listening to WOW and i reeeaally wanted to add Jisung's; jeogiyo noona hokshi namjachingu isseoyo? but rlly didn't know how lmao + i'm addicted to this small lettertype so imma use it from now on ;) okay now i'll let you go read. enjoooooy ♡

i’ve known you ever since the day when we were kids.

- we’ve been neighbours since childhood. you moved to my hometown, went to my class and blended in. everyone liked you, how could i not?

the happiest moment to ever exist.

- i was always happy when you sat beside me and my friends, not wanting to make friends with the others in high school.

check my bucket list, oh, you were on the list.

- before i met you, i didn’t have a bucket list. you just kind of became my best friend and we made a bucket list together. i never showed you mine, cause you were on the list.

i’m living the dream, somebody heard my wish.

- it has always been my dream to have someone like you by my side, so understanding, so beautiful with such an amazing soul. my wish has been heard and i’ve been the happiest ever since.

call out your name.

- my Y/nnie, princess, little one, baby girl, sweetheart, darling, love, honey, baby, jagiya, sweetie, future wifey, koala bear, cuddle bug and many more sweet names. i can give you a million nicknames.

you do the same.

- Channie, future husband, baby, jagiya, sweetheart, cutie, sweetie, boyfriend, darling, baby boy, prince, hottie, kangaroo, Chris, Christopher, Bahng. you never run out of nicknames for me and they always make me blush, laugh and flutter.

hug you all day.

- you love hugging me and so do i. it’s the best part of when i come home after a tiring day of practice and engulf you in a big hug like it’s the last time i’ll ever hug you.

i hope this’ll never end for eternity.

- i love you like the person you are, how your nose and brows scrunch together when you can’t open something and always ask me, or how you silently hug me from behind or the side when i’m busy producing songs. i don’t ever want to leave your side.

— ❀ —

i just want all time to stop.

- time has always been an issue. whether it’s morning or evening. i won’t ever get tired of you. the way you whine in the mornings for five more minutes, or evenings when you cling to me like my little koala bear.

— ❀ —

i’m never letting go.

- i am never letting go of you. you’re stuck with me jagiya. now until eternity.

let’s go on a little walk, see the world outside.

- i always have to drag you outside, or else you want to stay inside most of the times we're together. it's cute.

don't wanna let you go.

- never ever will i leave you. my eyes always find you in a crowd, at concerts or fan-meetings. one small smile and i feel like i can achieve anything in this big, scary world.

the way that you give me your hands, i'll fly.

- the first time you gave me your hand, was when your date dumped you at prom. you were so sad and i wanted to punch the bastard right then and there. even though i wanted to be the one who took you to prom in the first place.

at times when i feel down or empty.

- the times when i'm stressed with work, or when i have writers-block, you're always there to distract me. even without me saying anything, makes me love you even more.

you're always beside me.

- you're always there to catch me at my lowest moment. when i feel like a bad leader, or when i feel like i'm not enough for you, the boys or my siblings back in australia. you're just there doing something random with Jisung or Hyunjin and it brings the hugest smile to my face, making me forget all my worries.

promise that i'll love you plenty.

- i promise that i'll always love you. even when i don't show it or say it enough, my heart only beats for you. the way you joke around with Changbin, Felix and I.N. or play savage with Lee Know or Seungmin. it just fills my heart even more than i thought it could.

i hope this'll never end for eternity.

- i'm sure i tell you this lots but the way you always fiddle with the strings of your (my) hoodie or the way you put your hands in your or my holes in our jeans when you're anxious. it's adorable.

— ❀ —

when i look at you i know that you're the only one.

- i have never been in serious relationships but this one with you is something else. i want you to know that i want you as my first and last for everything.

the only one yeah.

- you're the only one that can make me do things i usually hate and the only one that can calm me down in your own magical way.

nothing in the world could beat our little special bond.

- nothing in the world can try and break our bond. with each other we can be crazy in our own way and none of us would judge each other for that.

'cause we are one.

- we are one. you complete me just as i complete you. you know everything of me like i know everything about you.

run around and make a mess, we don't even have to rest.

- the boys are always loud and a mess so i guess i need you to help me clean after them. being a dad of 7 is a tiring job. luckily i have you and together we can do anything.

every moment is a precious memory.

- every moment together or with the boys are precious. like dancing with danceracha until the early mornings, rapping sessions with 3racha in the studio or just joking around with vocalracha when they have nothing to do.

the way you wake me up in bed, yeah, i hope this never ends.

- you always lave little kisses around my face or just stare at me, staying in my embrace. it's mainly me waking you up cause you love your sleep and always ask for 5 more minutes to lazy around in bed.

i'm lucky that you're my best friend so.

- my best friend, my lover, my soulmate, significant other, my future wife, my girlfriend, my everything. there aren't enough words to describe my love for you. guess we should thank your parents for moving right next to us when you were 10.

— ❀ —

i just want all time to stop.

- those last 16 years went by so fast, it's crazy how fast time flies. i'll never forget our first encounter at school. you bumping into me and then scolding me for accidentally dropping my juice box on your blouse. i felt bad and handed you my shirt. and had a huge smile each time i saw you wearing my shirt that day around school.

— ❀ —

i'm never letting go.

- the time i confessed, and you didn't reply, i thought you'd hate me. instead you grabbed my face and gave me a long and passionate kiss. you were barely 17. i was 20. yet it was the best decision i had made that day.

let's go on a little walk, see the world outside.

- our first date was a walk around the beach. your hand was safely in mine as it was a little over 12 am. our phones full of missed calls from our parents as we enjoyed each other's company.

don't wanna let you go.

- when we told our parents about our relationship, they were over the moon. they never expected us to end up together and your father gave me a firm handshake and told me to speak to him later. never had i feared for my life more than the glare he gave me.

the way that you'll give me your hands, i'll fly.

- the way your hands fit perfectly in mine. it's a sign huh? you're my soulmate now and forever. or how you moved to seoul for me because you couldn't stand the long distance, not realising it would be lonely for you. but then again, i forgot what a social butterfly you are and became friends with half the Kpop industry as you were a dance teacher yourself, teaching dances to little kids who were passionate about dancing.

at times when i feel down or empty.

- there's always times when i feel down or empty. like how i worry about if Berry might forget me after not seeing me for a long time and you reassuring me that she won't. because that's who you are, always reassuring me and the others if one of us is feeling stressed.

you're always beside me.

- you've always been beside me. when i was a trainee, when i debuted, when i wasn't sure about my career and all the other choices i made in these last 16 years. you could read me like an open book and knew all my struggles back then and now.

promise that i'll love you plenty.

- the boys are always complaining how mushy i get when they mention you. they've also mentioned a million times when i'll propose to you, not knowing i've started planning way ahead and am planning to ask you very soon.

i hope this'll never end for eternity.

- you always bring me and the boys lunch on your free days or in the weekend. knowing that we all love your cooked foods. and then like to hang around and even dance together with us to choreo's that Lee Know teaches us. or how you even made some changes to the dances cause you thought they could use another movement.

— ❀ —

ah-ooh (eternity)

- you'll always be my eternity.

ah-ooh

— ❀ —

you make me call out your name.

- a little after 5 pm you arrive home. immediately jumping into my arms as you dump your shoes, coat and bag somewhere in the hallway. ''i missed you jagiya.'' i smile in your neck as you hum in response, telling me you missed me too.

you do the same.

- the way you always call my name when i come back home late. telling you not to wait up, yet every time you still do, attacking me in a tight hug and whine cutely telling me to take a quick shower before we head to bed.

hug you all day.

- the door opens and a few seconds later you're in the hallway with two heavy bags of groceries that you picked up on your way home. while you're cooking, i hug you from behind and we stay in each other's presence as you cook a delicious home made dish.

i hope this'll never end.

- even after a long, tiring day at work, you never fail to amaze me with the amazing dishes you learn from the internet, my mother or yours. the praises i give you aren't enough, so i'll feed you too.

— ❀ —

i'm never letting go.

- you've teased me a lot about going to my 'side-hoes' even though i've never had eyes for someone other than you. of course in those 6 years that we've been together we've had multiple fights. but we always went and apologised even if the fight wasn't that serious. we also have an unspoken rule to never go to bed upset and always communicate things with each other before accusing without proof.

let's go on a little walk, see the world outside.

- i'm planning on asking you on the beach. the exact same one where we had our first date years ago. i've got the perfect plan in mind to get you there and the best way to ask you. i can't wait to see your reaction to this song i wrote for you and the reaction you'll have when i go down on one knee and ask you to be mine for eternity.

don't wanna let you go.

- today, i asked your parents your hand in marriage. they were thrilled to see their little girl getting married to her first boyfriend from 16 years ago. 6 years ago your father glared at me for being the boyfriend of his daughter. today, he gave me a hug and told me he trusted me as your husband.

the way that you'll give me your hands, i'll fly.

- you're never getting rid of me, jagiya. i'll always love and cherish you for who you are. and so will the boys. they were so happy when i told them i'm finally proposing and wanted to be part of the plan too.

eternity.

- you're sleeping in my arms right now, not realising that the ring i'm planning to slip on your finger soon, is safely in it's box in my right hand, while my left arm is tightly wrapped around your fragile body, holding you close to me, your head on my chest right where my heart is beating just for you.

#skz fluff #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz x reader #stray kids #bang chan #bang chan x reader #bang chan x y/n #stray kids fanfic #bang chan fluff #bang chan fanfic #bang chan scenarios #bang chris #christopher bang #eternity #SoundCloud

299 notes · View notes

sleekswosobession · 4 months

Text

you’re ok, you’re enough

lena oberdorf x fem!reader

request: here

A/N: all feedback on my writing is appreciated, and hope you enjoy :) [even tho imo this is one of the worse fics i’ve written]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I’m not a footballer by any means, but I do know the difference whether someone is just physically exhausted from training and games. And, when they’re also exhausted in other senses.

I can immediately feel the tension when Lena walks in, her muscles are tense and her lips are quipped tightly.

“Lena?” She stops her movements and looks at me inquisitively. “I’m ordering in, anything in mind?” She shrugs walking off, not saying a word. I need to get something out of her. Get her to talk to me. We can’t continue like this.

I end up ordering our shared favourite food and she comes back in from her shower. I look up and it looks like she’s been crying. I furrow my eyebrows in concern but she just shakes her head dismissing it.

The food arrives and I plate it before giving it to my girlfriend who’s sitting on the couch, lost in thought. She looks up and smiles slightly, taking the plate of food, starting to eat. That’s one good sign at least.

During the meal, I make sure to keep an eye on her. She can probably tell, I don’t care though. She needs to know she’s not alone. No matter how stubborn she can be.

Dinner is done, I put the plates in the dishwasher.

No matter what, I am going to make sure she tells me what’s going on. I can’t sit by and watch as she shuts down completely.

“Lena.” I say softly sitting next to her, placing my hand on her thigh. She stares at me with an unreadable expression.

“I’m not sure exactly what you’re going through right now, but please. Please tell me what’s going on. I can’t sit back and watch as you tear yourself up. I won’t do allow you to do this to yourself.” I see she has tears in her eyes. She bites her lip looking away shaking her head.

“Baby, you and I both know how this ends. I won’t watch you shut everyone out. I know you’re scared, I know you’re collapsing. But I will try my best ok?” I watch as her body starts to shake, a sign she’s going to breakdown. Immediately, I pull her into my chest and allow her to sob into my shirt. I whisper words of affirmation hoping that she believes me, or even hears me.

You’re enough.

You’re ok.

I’ve got you.

I love you.

I’m here for you.

You’ll be ok.

After around 15 minutes of her crying, while I try my best to comfort her in anyway I can, her breathing starts to even out as the crying slows down. Soon enough she pulls herself up and looks into my eyes. I wipe the remaining tears off of her face and wait for her to say something.

“I…” She starts to speak but stops. I don’t say anything, just waiting to see what will be said.

“The pressure.” She begins. “Usually, I’m ok with everything, I’m ok with different titles but recently things have gotten harder and harder and I just… I don’t know how long I can keep going. People keep saying I’m the next best but I don’t feel like it and I don’t want it. I just want to play football without all of this. It’s so tiring.” She says with a shaky breath as I give her a small smile.

“Lena, I can’t tell you I understand because I don’t. You have so many people here, so many friends. You may not feel like you’re one of the best and you don’t need to be. Just be you, forget about everyone else’s expectations. Ignore what they have to say as hard as it may seem. Talk to people who might understand, maybe they can help take the burden. Make it easier for you. I know everything is wearing you out. Take a break, no matter how small. Do something you love. Hang out with Jule, hang out with me I don’t mind. Just try, not to let yourself get this low again. Please.” I say tilting my head.

She nods, allowing the words to sink in fully.

“Now, how about we get you to bed? I can imagine you’re tired.” Lena nods and we walk into the bedroom, only heading for the bed.

Once we’re laid down and her head is on my chest I whisper.

“You know how much I love you, right?” I can feel her smile.

“Ich liebe dich auch.” Then we both succumb to the sleep that awaits us after such an exhausting day.

#woso #woso x reader #woso community #woso fanfics #lena oberdorf #lena oberdorf x reader #vfl wolfsburg frauen #wlw #gxg

209 notes · View notes

hermitthebee · 3 months

Text

I’m not a writer by any means but I wanted to share a silly Charlastor Au that won’t leave my head:

(Set during episode 7) When Charlie and Alastor make their deal the spell accidentally gets fucked up. The deal worked, but it also created a bond between the two demons. Resulting in them being able to feel the other’s emotions. Neither demon knows what went wrong and neither can remove it.

They both (Alastor ‘if I show vulnerability for a single second I will die’ Altruist especially) don’t like the situation But there’s really no time to focus on it with the impending extermination. So they just adapt to it. Alastor nicknames the foreign emotions as feedback.

To Alastor the connection is just like radio feedback. It’s always present, at least a little. But usually He can block it out and carry on as normal as long as the feeling isn’t too strong. (He does NOT worry when Charlie is anxious/upset and definitely doesn’t try to help by disquietly sending comfort through the connection.) He’s a lot more concerned with keeping his own feelings in check.

Charlie for the most part doesn’t get a lot of feedback from Alastor. At least nothing identifiable, it present but faint. When she does it’s either a deliberate action to send a specific feeling to her. (Often one of comfort or pride). Or a quick, but intense, flash of something that disappears a seconds later (often before she can even identify what it was). She always makes sure to check on Alastor after these slips, making sure he’s okay.

During the extermination when Alastor is injured, Charlie is overwhelmed by such an intense fear that she nearly doubled over. This panic doesn’t leave for the rest of the battle. She leave’s almost as soon as the fight is over to find him. (Much to the confusion of the other residents). Charlie finds him mid breakdown and immediately works on calming him down, at least enough to deal with his injuries.

Afterwards Alastor acts more closed off towards everyone. He’s more determined to remove the bond than ever.

But Charlie isn’t convinced, she gets more feedback now than ever. And damn it Alastor is her friend and she refuses to let him distance himself without a fight.

(I’ll never write an actual fic but I’ll gladly share a more details if anyone likes this idea)

#hopefully this makes sense #I mostly wrote this sleep deprived at 4AM #I’m by no means the best writer but I love Charlastor and there’s never enough content about it #So I figured I’d add my own ideas #It stems from my desire for Alastor to be forced to be vulnerable and receive the comfort he desperately needs #alastor x charlie #charlastor #radiobelle #hazbin hotel

198 notes · View notes

nautilusopus · 1 year

Text

okay FIIIIIINE i'll throw my hat into the Goncharov ring

Been a while i've done a proper movie breakdown, may as well be this one.

Rather surprisingly (but perhaps not too surprisingly given the unexpected renaissance of things like the original Dracula and Breaking Bad on this website out of seemingly nowhere and with very little prompting), I'm seeing a lot of new people suddenly interested in Martin Scorsese's seminal film classic Goncharov, originally released in 1973. Obviously a movie like that doesn't make it coming up on 50 years without generating a lot of discussion about the different ways the movie resonates and why, but coming into it in 2022 there's been so much cultural cruft that's collected around Goncharov that (similar to stories like Fight Club and Scarface) it's a little hard to parse what it's actually about with all the mythologising that's gone on around the characters.

Those movies, in one way or another, are about portraying the downfall of their protagonists -- Fight Club's after ironically creating another system of control and dehumanisation and becoming what he sought to destroy, Scarface's after being consumed by the wealth and power he's amassed. A lot of people assume it's that kind of story, because aren't most well-loved movies? However, I think this is ironically an assumption made because of the genre of film it is. All the people that aren't going, "OMG Goncharov is so cool and badass and fucks bitches," are going, "WOW I can't believe Goncharov is a cautionary tale about power corrupting," and in the process people miss that Goncharov is first and foremost about loss, in all its different forms.

I'm both kind of surprised and frustrated people miss this, given how utterly pervasive the movie is with its clock symbolism -- it's the one thing everyone remembers about it, it was in all the tie-ins. I dunno, maybe that got funneled back into the theory where they're meant to reinforce how Goncharov is just a mortal man at the end of the day, which is fine I guess, but the movie overall becomes a lot clearer when you interpret it through the lens of, "These things are gone and you can never get them back; clocks don't go backwards."

One of the most fascinating things about the movie is how every character embodies a different kind of loss. I'm gonna ease into this and start not with Goncharov but with:

Rybak, who is usually associated with loss as we typically think of it, i.e. the loss of loved ones via death. This comes up all the time, either in his trust issues (why he's being such a prick at the wedding), in the card game (he never bothers to bet much money, knowing he's bad at poker, and still loses all the same). Rybak is terrified of loss, cannot manage it, and ultimately is punished by losing what few people he had left and then being spared by Lorenzo who deems him punished enough, and is forced to survive, to grapple with what his life is now without them.

Goncharov's is actually more subtle, and it's loss of small, insignificant things as a result of the larger losses he believes he's processed. This is something that's frequently contrasted against Rybak. The pawn shop going under is actually a microcosm of this whole thing. Goncharov anticipates that this is obviously going to lead to financial issues for him, plans accordingly to deal with this, and... it works! He's saved! Except that means card games can't be hosted at his place anymore, given it's burned to the ground. Does this matter, in the grand scheme of his life? No, of course not. Poker night still gets had all the same. But it is different now, and always will be. Little things like this continue to add up, until something as insignificant as a towel -- a towel that never should have been in his room, but Sofia is no longer there to drop off his laundry and chat with him -- is ultimately the final nail in a coffin built of insignificant splinters, each one an imperceptible change underneath the much more larger, noticeable story beats of things like grief.

Otto is the big obvious one I'm not gonna linger on: loss of his youth, moments in the past that he wants to redo but can't. Most people at least seem to have gotten this one.

(This is also what the clocks get associated with a lot, which again, doesn't NOT make sense but also if it were just for this one character that, while thematically important, was honestly just a side character with limited screentime and only two scenes, would they really be all over the movie before Otto's name is even mentioned?)

Sofia's a bit abstract, and is the loss of self -- of the familiar anchors we have to who we are, what we think our core principles are, our place in society, who we want to be to our loved ones -- and by the time she dies she is rendered utterly unrecognisable to herself, and is horrified by it. She grieves herself the same way Rybak grieves his wife (even gets a direct visual callback via the way her face is lit when she's burning Lorenzo's check). You see echoes of this in Goncharov as well, but while Sofia is grieving the person she used to be, Goncharov is grieving the world around him (even though really, it's the same world it always was -- time keeps ticking on, one second per second, and neither one of them can ever un-fire that gun).

Lorenzo, tragically, gradually loses his freedom (and maybe in a parallel world would actually be the protagonist of a movie where he chokes on his own hubris like everyone seems to think Goncharov is GRUMBLE GRUMBLE). As he comes into his own more and more by his family's legacy, he is afforded fewer and fewer options about what decisions he can even make. Arguably he was doomed from the start, but the further he clings to power as a means to freedom, the more it drives him to destroying everything he ever (thought he) cared about. The tragedy of his character, and what makes him a good villain, is that he can clearly see what he is doing to himself and he absolutely hates it (his walking out early at the wedding is a tacit admission of this), but his absolute refusal to accept loss, to accept grief and pain and all the awful shit that comes with the human condition, is what causes him to toss aside every out he has because if he has enough CONTROL over his situation, surely he will never have to lose anything ever again. But, really, he already has.

I dunno. Goncharov is one of those movies that is great, and everyone seems to realise it's great, but nobody ever really puts into words why, and that's how you get Fight Club fans lmao. And it sucks because the actual discussion around the movie beyond "it's another hubris story but REALLY GOOD guys" is so much more fascinating and a much more earnest emotional truth that just never gets talked about.

#goncharov #goncharov (1973)#martin scorsese #al pacino #robert di niro #gene hackman #harvey keitel #gaslight gatekeep goncharov

2K notes · View notes

softlyspector · 4 months

Text

choices

Summary: Joel is dying. He reflects on the choices he made.

Word count: ~2.2k

Relationship(s): Joel & Sarah, Joel & Ellie, Joel & Tommy

Warnings: spoilers for tlou part 2, a whole lot of grief and love, descriptions of violence and injuries and death, confusion, trauma, written in like two hours and edited only lightly, not my usual writing style

A/N: Hello, remember when just this morning I said no golf on this page? I lied a little bit. We're going golfing in this one, but I think the fact that I can write about this without having a breakdown means the big ball of grief in my chest is easing just a little. Maybe that's silly, considering he is Not Real. But it is what it is. I don't expect many of you to read this lil fic but if you do, know I love you and appreciate you. I would love to hear anything you have to say. Thank you for reading <3

“What if she’s still alive, Tommy?”

Tommy’s head snaps in his brother’s direction, Joel still waiting to receive medical attention.

It's warm. The weather is nice. He can hear crickets chirping in the grass. Feels like a fucking crime.

Pandamonium, everywhere, still, in the triage center; but between the two of them it’s quiet, the whole world far away. It has to be, with Sarah’s blood still on his hands, the feeling of her little hands clawing at his bicep still wasping over his skin.

“What the hell are you talkin’ about, Joel?”

“S—” Her name gets caught up in his throat, wads up against the back of his tongue and sticks it to the roof of his mouth. That first letter is sour and anxious, a bitter candy in the maw of his grief.

Daughter, child, baby.

His baby, warm in his arms, her blood threading through his fingers, life draining away.

All he could do was watch and watch and try to stop that horrible red.

He had looked away for one second, and she’d left. Gone.

Two days ago, her body cooled in his arms. Two days ago, he had to close her eyes forever with trembling fingers. He hadn’t been able to look into them again, and would forever be missing that color, trying to remember it, match it to some shade that would never be right, never be her.

“Sarah,” he manages and clears his throat.

Tommy is the one that wants him to get looked at. Because Joel can’t tell if something is wrong or not, from running and falling and being shot at. He doesn’t feel fucking anything, just numbness, just the pull of his skin too tight against his organs and bones. Just a pulsing dark hole, raw and torn at the edges.

Part of him got ripped out when she—

Where had he put it all before, he wonders, all that love? His body isn’t big enough for it. And it certainly ain’t big enough for this much grief.

“What if she was still alive? When we buried her. I want to check.”

Grief.

It will bend over backwards just to look you in the eyes. Denial of its gaze will break even the best of them.

Joel looks away, sees a daughter that might claw free of the fate she suffered.

The memories are sunbursts behind his eyes, blinding and impossible to look at, but not something he could ever forget. Cradling her to his chest, can’t leave her behind, bury her at least, put her bones to rest, but what if she’s alive? Are they sure she was dead? Maybe she’d just passed out?

Tommy shifts, looks away, across the emergency tents and the families still hoping to find a loved one, everyone wondering what the fuck was going on as night falls again, another day in this new world. Forever changed.

He doesn’t need his brother to say it, that she isn’t alive, that Joel had held her and felt for a pulse for hours afterwards, intermittently pressing fingers to neck just to be sure. He doesn’t need Tommy to tell him that even if she had been, they’d buried her two days ago, and she certainly was now.

A wave of grief pulses through his chest again. That’s the only time the numbness abates, just those little moments where love washed away too soon, overpowers.

“Joel—”

Joel isn’t listening. He’s thinking of blue eyes opening six feet under the ground, inhaling dirt, panicking, confused about how she ended up there, suffocating, and Joel had been the one to put her there.

A new wave of emotion passes over Tommy’s face.

“She was gone.” His hand lands on his shoulder.

Little brother who he’d always looked out for and played third parent to, or maybe he was just the second.

“You’re right,” Joel nods, his throat constricts again, glassy pearl of grief swelling against his skin until it feels like it might burst. “I know.” His voice cracks right up the middle.

Joel still hasn’t washed her blood from his fingers, it feels like the last moment of loss, the very last thing he can hold onto.

He still believes in the world, then. That he can hold onto for a second.

And then, him and Tommy are at the border to a quarantine zone a few days after that. Joel still has his kid’s blood staining his t-shirt. Someone checked him out at the triage center, and wiped away the blood before he could stop them, told him he sprained his shoulder.

How did that happen? And did it matter, if he couldn’t feel it at all? He doesn’t feel pain or hunger or anything else, just wave after wave of grief. He doesn’t even feel angry.

But then they’re there, truck confiscated, in the processing center to the Austin QZ, with backpacks and the clothes on their back and a promise that they’d be able to get a letter to his mother when he is waved in and Tommy is not.

Then, the anger sets in and the world changes in his mind and he sees it for what it has become. The thing that took Sarah and wrought hell and wanted to take more.

It would not happen again.

He argues with the officers and gets angry, the kind of angry that used to follow him before Sarah arrived and mellowed him out. They won’t hear sense, even though taking Tommy would be the same as taking Joel. They have most of the same skills. His brother is better than him, anyhow.

But maybe that’s the problem. Similar skills and one with ideals.

“It’s all right, Joel, I’ll figure somethin’ else out. I’ll head to Arlington.” He never would have let that happen, not then, not at that moment, but if he had, he knows he never would have seen Tommy again.

He’s on the knife’s edge of being restrained when he walks back through the gate to his brother’s side.

It’s a relief.

Not again.

They never find their mother; they never get to send a letter.

He makes the choice for them, even though Tommy tells him to go on. “They wouldn’t have me now, anyhow. We’re better off this way.”

Joel doesn’t hear any arguments and eventually Tommy stops trying.

It’s the same kind of change that would bloom dangerous and righteous in St. Mary’s twenty odd years later. The same kind of relief when he finally finished his terrible task, choice made, crisis averted, for the time being.

Tommy came to resent Joel for the choices he tried to make for both of them, so it’s no wonder Ellie would one day, too.

When Joel dies, when he’s dying, when he’s being beaten to death, and his mind finally parts from his body and the pain fades—he thinks of that moment, Tommy staring at him through that fence.

He thinks of Sarah, her tiny frame in his arms, the way she was so small when she died and when she was born. So fragile against his chest, baby hair like yellow fluff, both times.

He thinks of Ellie, smiling at him, fearlessly leaping from great heights and scaring him half to death, thinks of dinners together before everything went to hell, thinks of hats on dinosaurs, books about space read aloud, the desperate clawing, asking to stay close when he could feel her slipping away.

He thinks of Tess, how she wanted to lie low and take a break, after. He thinks of that bite on her neck and the sprawl of her broken body on a chilled marble floor.

Joel never got enough time with anyone.

Reviled, always, for what he would do for them.

And still he would do it again and again and again.

The nine iron comes down on his shoulder, the reverberation of it echoing through his body, the vast cavernous, cancerous space of it. Pinging off ribs and around the blackened, singed accordion of his lungs, sluggishly billowing open and closed, like the end of a song he never knew how to sing.

What kind of hell did he end up in? Inflicted with a beating he can no longer feel; slow; the end long overdue.

A merciful one, maybe.

A deserved one, maybe.

But it is the end.

Violent, like it should be. Like it had been for so many others. The way he had made it for so many others.

Sarah, bleeding in his arms. Her eyes blank and unseeing and the fear that he had buried his blood before her time, that somewhere in the earth she still writhed. Undeniable, then, that it was his fault.

Ellie, machete raised above her head, bringing it down, over and over, blood on her face and then crying in his arms. He would never be able to say what he said to her then to soothe her, his skin frozen cold against hers, sweaty and tacky with fear and adrenaline.

The fire had felt much hotter than it was against the cold, her body fitted into the cradle of his. She was so little against him. Just a kid. He would be, and was, sorry about that for the rest of his life. What she had endured alone, that she had had to save him.

Again.

The point of no return, a fate sealed in blood.

Tried to deny it, even after he decided to take her to the university. Muttered promises he had to fulfill, or else.

Or else, he’d lose what little of his soul he might have left.

Well, I’m not leaving here without you.

With Sarah’s picture in his pocket, he had kept that promise.

He cracks an eye open, and there she is.

Maybe he should wonder why she’s there, be afraid that she is. But all he is, is glad.

See you around.

A promise to try her hand at forgiving him, and here she is, trying.

Ellie's voice.

He wishes he could hear her. She’s looking at him, and that’s fine. He misses her and wishes he would have said that.

Joel blinks, once, slowly, the image of her flickers. The little girl that hadn’t wanted to go anywhere with him, had wanted to stay with her friend Marlene, the leader of the Fireflies. He sees the child Tess had looked him in the eye over and said look, I get it and nothing else, because what else was there to say? Tess knew about Sarah, and Tess knew him.

Terribly transparent, a horrific liar.

He feels the weight of her in his arms through the thin cotton of that hospital gown and then the warm press of her palms shoving him away. All the heaviness of his sins, the break of teeth against untruth, the hard skin of lies. He hears the wracking sobs, the betrayal. A flare of real pain accompanies it, washes cold like a wave across a shore.

And still, he’d do it again.

If he had to, and even if he didn’t. Because it matters. Ellie matters.

The pit of love inside him, that saving, healing, mellowing thing that shouted in colors of grief and made him smile again, play the guitar again and sing again, that made him miss in a way that stung a little less.

Her grave, without a marker.

Dirt on a little body that they couldn’t even put in a pine box. Tommy crying, Joel silent. He’d done his howling.

When Ellie pushed him away, held him at arms length and decided she hated him for the choice he made for her, even if no one was going to have one either way, there hadn’t been howling, either.

There was nothing to mourn after all.

She lives, she breathes. She is safe and has other people to support her.

He wondered, after, when they got back to Jackson and she stopped talking to him, if all that love had only ever gone one way, choked in an artery that spilled out onto the wrong avenue, like everything inside him had been built backward.

Maybe she stopped caring about him, but there had been love there once, and that’s all someone like him could ever hope for.

Just a split second, of being enough, of being the right thing at the right time and making the right decision in the right way.

He sees the decisions lined up, like glass bottles on a wall, like he was a kid with a BB gun. Sarah and Tommy and Tess and Ellie. Maybe if he’d done one thing different or everything different, things would have ended up different and better.

Maybe they would have all gotten to make the choices they really deserve.

He blinks again and the little girl is gone, replaced with the woman she grew into. The one he’s proud of and keeps tabs on, because that’s his kid and that’s what a parent does.

There are tears, and he can hear her a little. Her voice is breaking. He wants to tell her it’s okay.

That’s what he does, tries to do anyway, make sure everyone and everything is okay. He did that, too, even when she didn’t know it. Made sure she came home and got enough and listened with pride when people said she was doing well.

But this is the end and the executioner’s blade is raised high.

Joel twitches, reaching, fingers curling, wants to say it, but he can’t. His own blood pools cold and sticky beneath his head.

He's tired.

He’s sorry that she has to see.

Sorry that it takes him so long to die.

He doesn't regret anything.

He would do it all over again.

Thanks for reading if you got this far 💕 Would love to know what you think!

#tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #joel and sarah #joel and ellie #joel and tommy #joel miller

156 notes · View notes

hushedlover · 1 year

Text

Screaming and Crying Part 2

Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x reader

Summary: Part 2. You're recovering from the hurt Xavier caused. You've avoided him at all costs, but how long can it go on?

A/n: Here's part 2! I had so much fun writing this. Isabella is based off of one of my best friends who helped me proof read this lol

Requests are open! Send anything in!

The sun was setting by the time you made your way back to the school. Your phone had gone off multiple times with calls and texts from friends questioning your disappearance. You ignored them all. You couldn’t find it in you to care. The blood had long dried on your knuckles, not until after you had finished punishing the poor tree more. Your arm hung limp at your side, your wrist had swelled and was throbbing. Probably sprained or broken. You couldn’t find it in you to care about that either.

You were sure you looked crazy, your hair a wind blown mess, face tear stricken, and blood covering your hand. You walked through the quad and ignored the people who gawked at you. It was very few due to the late hour, dinner had passed so you just made your way to your dorm. Isabella, your roommate, would be pissed seeing as you had ignored every worried attempt she made to reach out to you. You were correct in your assumptions. The minute you swung your door open she was bolting to her feet.

“No, no she just came in. Yeah I'll call you back. Okay bye,” she hung up the phone and sighed. “That was Enid. We were worried sick about you! What happened? Oh my gosh your hand! Bitch, what happened?”

You surprised both yourself and Isabella when you broke out laughing at their outburst.It was odd, the rush of adrenaline you had gained from the situation. You felt floaty, like a huge weight was lifted off your shoulders. Isabella stood there, gaping at you. This caused more laughter to flow out of you due to them looking like the human embodiment of the stupid emoji everyone uses. She almost looked afraid of you. When you finally calmed your fit of giggles, they spoke.

“Girl, what the fuck. What is happening right now?”

“I don’t even know man. I’m... I'm so tired. And boys are buttheads.”

“You say that like that's something new. I’m telling you, women are just better. But what happened? Was it that blonde beanstock you’re always with? What’s his name? Tarzan?”

You laughed again,” Xavier. And yeah it was him. It was him and his infatuation with that Wednesday girl.”

“Oh my god,” Isabella dragged out the last syllable, “I can’t blame him girl she’s so fine!”

You just glared at her and moved to go to your shared restroom. You wanted to wash the blood off your hand and inspect the damage done.

“Way to rub salt in the wound, thank you. So much,” you muttered over the sound of the sink running.

“Listen. Here me out on this. Please, plEAaase,” they whined from the doorway.

“Just grab me some pajamas, will you? I think I need a shower to get all of this off. My plaid pajama pants please.”

You heard rustling and heard Isabella call out to you.

“Not to ruin the good mood or anything, but shouldn’t you be having a mental breakdown right now? You haven’t even told me what happened, but I feel like there should be more tears.”

“I think it’ll come later, I’m kind of-,” You cut yourself off to take the clothes she had gathered from them. “Thank you. I’m kind of numb right now. I think it’s shock. And adrenaline. I don’t know. Can I explain after my shower?”

“Fine, but hurry up. I wanna know what my reasoning is going to be for kicking Tarzan’s ass,” and with that they shut the door behind them.

You slipped into the shower, the warm water relaxing your muscles. The silence without music would usually bother you, but tonight it was welcomed. Your head was finally quiet. Thoughts of Xavier and Wednesday kissing and holding hands long forgotten. You were just looking forward to the weekend now.

—------

It had been 2 days since that night. Isabella had kept you sane and occupied all weekend. You had shit talked and stuffed your faces with all the junk food you could find. Isabella had also confiscated your phone, claiming that “We can’t risk you being a pussy and giving into your problem.” So if anyone had tried to contact you it went unanswered. Bianca and the twins, you and Isabella’s friends, knew to take her if they needed something.

It was Monday morning now. You really, really did not want to go to class knowing you would have to see both Xavier and Wednesday and all your mutual friends, but Isabella forced you. They told you to “women up” and be a bad bitch. But you really didn’t feel like a bad bitch. You felt a bit pathetic. Isabella threw a pillow at you, startling you from your thoughts.

You flipped them off and then slipped out of bed and went to get dressed. Due to the weather being so cold the rules on uniform were a bit more lenient so you slid on some leggings and your Nevermore crewneck. The sleeve stuck to the brace you had around your wrist, luckily you hadn’t broken it, but it was sprained pretty bad. Isabella was getting ready too, but when she saw you in your comfy outfit she paused.

“Tell me you are not planning on wearing that.”

You looked down, confused.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Girl! We get the chance to dress how we want, be cute!”

“Says you,” you grumbled playfully but went to change anyway.

You threw on some jeans and a long sleeve top with a t-shirt over it. Then you threw on some shoes and walked out of your closet.

“Is this better,” You raised your arms in question.

Isabella nodded in approval and then they shoved your bag and phone into your hands.

“Let’s go, Bianca is waiting and I’m hungry. You took too long.”

“What?,” You yelled as you were pushed out the door and towards the stairs. “You’re the one who made me change! I was ready!”

The two of you continued to bicker all the way down to the quad, where Bianca and the twins were standing there waiting for you. When you approached them, Bianca wrapped her arms around you in a tight hug. You laughed softly at the action. It was odd, your guys' relationship. She was Xavier’s ex yes, but before that you had all been friends. And that didn’t stop despite the conflict between the broken up couple. You had always trusted Bianca, and though it was a bit awkward at first, you remained close no matter the circumstances.

When you pulled away Bianca held you by the shoulders and smiled at you.

“He’s a dick who doesn’t know what’s good for him. You’re amazing and you’re so much more mature than him.”

You smiled at her, and kissed her cheek.

“Thank you, Bianca.”

“Guuuuuyyyyys, I’m hungrryyyyyyyyy.”

Your group all laughed at Isabella’s complaints. You all agreed to have the twins grab the food and then they’d meet you guys back at the table to eat. It was nice to laugh freely with your friends. A weight was lifted off your chest. When the twins returned you all dug into your food. You were all joking and bickering amongst yourselves. You almost forgot about your conflict with Xavier. Almost.

The thought of him still lingered in your brain. It stayed there through breakfast and while you were walking to class. You were so lost in conversation that you forgot that you had your first class with him. You remembered when you walked in the doorway and saw him sitting in his seat, the one next to him empty where you would usually be. You froze in your spot, your heart palpitating painfully. Isabella stopped next to you with a puzzled look.

“Why’d you stop in the middle of the- Oh.”

They cut themselves off when they saw where you were looking. He hadn’t noticed you yet, too enamored in his drawing he was working on. You looked up at your friend next to you, your eyes wide with panic. You didn’t know what to do.

“Hey hey hey, don’t cry please. I don’t do well with crying. Here, you’ll sit with me. I’ll be your new partner,” She was already guiding you to your new seat.

When you got there you kept your head low, afraid to look up and make eye contact with Xavier. You sat next to Isabella and they struck conversation with you easily until the teacher walked in. When you heard the footsteps walk in the room you instinctually looked up, and you wished you hadn’t. Your eyes drifted across the room to where Xavier sat, the seat next to him now occupied. The sight of him and his new partner made your stomach drop. It was Wednesday sitting next to him. Of course it was.

He must have felt your eyes on him because he glanced over at you. When his eyes met yours and widened, you quickly hardened your gaze and looked away. You didn’t want him to see the hurt you still felt. Straightening your back you focused your attention on the lecture, you wouldn’t let him get to you.

___

The lecture felt like it went on forever, so when it was finally over you were extremely relieved. You and Isabella parted ways at the door, they would go to their next class and you would go to chemistry. With Xavier. Your chest tightened at the thought. You sped up your pace as you walked towards the class, hoping if you got there fast enough you could find any seat away from him. But the universe decided to give you a huge middle finger today. When you arrived at the class there were only 2 open seats. Right next to each other.

You sighed. You were too tired for this. Maybe you could just ignore him and he’d leave you alone. That is if he even wanted anything to do with you. You didn’t have to wait long to see his reaction. He walked in not long after you, his eyes darting between you and the chair next to you. You continued to look down at your paper, refusing to meet his eyes. You heard him audibly sigh before he dropped his bag and sat next to you. You could feel him burning holes into the side of your head, but you didn’t dare look over.

Class started and things were going smoothly. The class was mostly notes, so there was no need to talk to the boy next to you. That didn’t stop him from bothering you though. As you concentrated on the board ahead of you, you felt something land on your hand. Looking down, you saw a butterfly perched on the back of your hand. It was a dark gray, clearly one of Xavier's drawings. You felt your heart pick up at the thought of him trying to get your attention. Immediately, you shook your hand, and your head, slightly to clear the butterfly and your thoughts. Xavier sighed again and then looked back at the board.

—

After that there were no incidents. The day continued smoothly and by the end of it you were exhausted and ready to flop on your bed. You did just that when you arrived at your dorm. Throwing your bag to the ground, you ran and fell face first on the plush covers. Not 5 minutes into your silence, the door burst open. In came Isabella and Bianca, talking loudly before they saw you.

“Y/n,” Isabella called out. “What are you doing? We’re going down to Weathervane in like 10 minutes?”

You grumbled back, your words being incoherent. You didn’t want to get up. But you also wanted coffee.

Slowly you rolled off your bed and to the floor, and then looked towards your friends. Isabella looked confused, Bianca looked concerned. You reached your hands out towards them and pouted.

“Help please,” You wiggled your fingers at them.

They looked at each other and sighed before walking to you and pulling you to your feet. Then they dragged you out the door, leading you on the bus that was going to bring kids down to town. When you arrived in the cafe you practically ran for the counter. No one was there yet, but you knew the boy who worked here most days, Tyler. You guys had met at one of the festivals in town before his whole argument with Xavier. You had been pissed with him over what he did to Xavier, but after he apologized and explained himself you had become civil once again. Now you were more acquaintances than friends, but you loved the way he made your coffee so you were kind to him.

You dinged the bell on the counter obnoxiously while Isabella and Bianca made their way into the shop. You heard Tyler yell something from the back before he came into your view, clearly frustrated. You gave him a sickly sweet and innocent smile.

“Hi Tyler, did you miss me?”

“Oh so very much,” he smiled back at you. “The usual I assume? You want to put theirs on your order too?”

He pointed at your two friends behind you, who he had seen come in with you hundreds of times before. They had already sat down and were chatting idly.

“Yes please, I’m treating today,” You said, pulling out your wallet.

As you fished for the right amount of cash you heard Tyler speak again.

“What about his?”

Your head snapped up, your brows furrowed. You had been so focused on the money that you hadn’t heard the door open. When you glanced behind you, you saw the last person you wanted to see. Xavier.

“No, uh. He’s not with me- us today,” You tripped over your words, hands now shaking as you tried to hand the cash to the boy in front of you.

Tyler quickly took note of the way you trembled and how your eyes were watering. He quickly grew concerned. You two may not be close, but he cared enough to know he didn’t like seeing you this upset. He made eye contact with Bianca, who had been watching since Xavier walked in, and waved her over. Then he placed his hand over yours.

“Hey, Y/n,” He dipped his head trying to make eye contact with you. “Hey, why don’t you go sit down? Bianca or Isabella can help me okay?”

You just nodded slightly, feeling Bianca take your shoulder gently and guiding you to the table. Isabella was finishing the transaction with Tyler, both of them looking over at you with worry occasionally. You glanced around the shop in panic, not being able to find the boy you were so desperately avoiding. That was until he was standing directly in front of your table, just next to where Bianca sat.

“Y/n, can I- Can I talk to you, please?,” Xavier stumbled over his words.

Your friend tensed and got ready to get up and give him a piece of her mind, but your hand on her arm stopped her. Xavier saw you whisper something in the siren’s ear before she slid out of the booth, giving you room to slip out too. You made brief eye contact with your previous best friend, before turning on your heel and walking out the door.

You continued to walk until you were in the grass across the street from the cafe. You knew he was following you. Like a love sick puppy. You scoffed to yourself. When you decided you were far enough from the shop you stopped and waited for him to approach you. You felt him stop behind you, but you didn’t turn.

“Y/n, please would you look at me? Look, I know I messed up. I was a total dick and I’m so sorry. I just was so excited about Wednesday, I mean I really like her. I haven’t liked anyone this much since Bianca and I-,” He cut himself off when he noticed your arms wrapped around yourself, your shoulders shaking.

You still had your back to him so he couldn’t see the tears streaking your cheeks, but he knew you were crying. You never cried. And he made you cry. Oh shit. Why were you crying? He rushed forward and turned you gently. Grabbing your cheeks, he made you look up at him. Xavier’s thumbs brushed along your cheeks, concern filling his eyes.

“Please talk to me. I don’t think I can handle you being quiet anymore. You’re never quiet with me and these past couple of days I've been trying to give you space but it’s so hard. I miss you. I miss my best friend.”

He whispered the last part, resting his forehead on yours. You furrowed your brows and sniffled. Then you pushed him away, hitting his chest. You punched and pushed and hit and Xavier took it all because he knew he deserved it.

“You idiot,” You yelled at him. “I have supported you for years! I’ve been your best friend, no matter how much you’ve pissed me off. No matter what you have said to me. And you know why I did that? Because I love you, you moron. I have loved you since we were kids, and I haven’t done anything because I just want you to be happy. But whenever any other girl comes along, you throw yourself at her! You ignore me! I’m tired Xavier! I’m so tired.”

Your shoulders slumped forward and you sighed. Xavier was a few steps in front of you, shock written across his face. His eyes were watering, his cheeks flushed. You wiped your face and felt that you had been sobbing the entire rant. Xavier took a step forward and you took one back.

“You… love me?,” He asked, like he was afraid he would scare you off.

You shook your head and glared at the grass below you.

“Only since we were 8.”

“Y/n… I don't know what to say,” He started.

“Don’t say anything. Go back to your girlfriend and leave me alone. I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

As you turned to walk away, Xavier’s hand shot out and grabbed your wrist. His mind was racing, he was panicking. He couldn’t let you walk away. Not when he found out you loved him back and every stupid this he’s done in the past year was for nothing. So he panicked and said the first thing that came to mind.

“Wednesday is a lesbian. She likes Isabella.”

You froze. You tried to process the information the tall boy had just blurted but you couldn’t. Not fully. So you burst out an incredulous laugh and collapsed to the ground. Xavier wasn’t expecting it, and with his grip still tight on your wrist he was pulled down along with you. He landed half on top of you, his arms on either side of your head to keep him from crushing you. His long hair tickled your face and you scrunched your nose at the sensation. Then you realized the position you were in. You blushed, heat rushing to your face and looked everywhere but the boy on top of you.

Xavier on the other hand could only see you. He could only focus on your eyes, the freckles that dotted your skin, the way your lips pulled into that beautiful little frown. He gently reached down and ran his thumb across your eyebrows, trying to soothe the harsh lines there. Then he cupped your jaw, forcing you to look up at him. What he did next made your heart completely start and restart in your chest.

Xavier had leaned down, pressing his lips to yours carefully. He pulled away quickly, not wanting to overstep. Before you could question him, he spoke:

“I thought you only saw me as a brother. That’s what Rowan and Ajax, my parents, everyone told me. They told me I couldn’t ruin our friendship. So like the moron I am, I listened. I pushed away my feelings for you and I went after other girls because I thought it was the only chance I had at staying in your life. Sure, I liked Bianca and Wednesday. Maybe I had a crush on them. But I wasn’t in love with them like I am with you. I am so sorry, Y/n. I never should have said what I did. If I could take it back I would. But because I can't, I'll spend my entire life making it up to you.”

You were in shock. What the fuck was he thinking:? He could just apologize and confess his love and everything would be fine? No. You smiled up at him and then you slapped him. Hard. His face turned with the impact. And then you grabbed his face and kissed him. Hard.

“You owe me so many things, the list is at least a mile long,” You said as you pulled back and then kissed where your hand had met his face. “But we have all the time in the world for you to complete that list.”

Xavier leaned down to kiss you again and then pulled away with a frown.

“That hurt,” He whined.

“You deserved it and you know it,” you kissed his cheek once more before gently pushing him off of you. “Now come on, we need to get Isabella a girlfriend. Maybe she’ll finally stop making me watch anime with her.”

___

Tags: @555stargirl555 @weasleylovers @wrenwastooshort @justanotherkpopstanlol @lovurryy @rainehatepage @ghostlycrystobalove @bambi-munson @hershey2813 @karslyn @nothingbeatsthebeautyofthemoon @parkersmyth @multistangirl07 @emilykolchivans

#xavier thorpe x reader #xavier thorpe x reader comfort #xavier thorpe x you #xavier thorpe x y/n #xavier thorpe #xavier thorpe x reader smut #xavier thorpe x reader angst #xavier thorpe angst #xavier thorpe smut #wednesday addams #wednesday show #wednesday

2K notes · View notes