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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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category : 米哈游原神 work title : another woman claims to be his girlfriend?

with a subtle bow of your head, you raise the teacup to your awaiting lips, a veil of porcelain disguising the laughter that threatened to escape. how absurd… you muse, as you savor a sip of your tea.

far across — two tables away, there sits one of the new acts of lyney and lynette’s show. she was interesting, to say the least. she sings tall tales with intricate detail, weaving major falsehoods about the nature of her relationship with him.

her words describe his love confession, demanding they be together because he couldn’t bear a day without her. she didn’t fail to mention how his sister adores her and refers to her as ‘my future sister-in-law.’

the outlandish narrative lasts with an overt nudge about his frequent visits to her dressing room after every show, which you tune out due to its unsavory implications.

most women would have risen from their seats, confronting her for spewing fantasies about their lover; not you, though. instead, you stay rooted in your place, your curiosity piqued for what else she might spin.

you were engrossed, and if you were to be fully honest, you would’ve readily admit to the guilty pleasure of eavesdropping on the mundane conversations of strangers. your penchant for gossip was shared with your lover, turning it into an unusual pastime. it was a fun exchange of information over cups of coffee or tea, normally ending with one of you left scandalized by what was said. archons, were you excited to tell him about what you overhead…

“do you swear not to say a word about this to another living soul?” her voice hushed to a near whisper, but it still carries to those within earshot.

“of course! right, ladies?” one of the women quips, with the other two chiming in agreement, creating a chorus of “yes!” and “we’ll keep quiet!”

“if you say so…” she takes a deep breath, as if the weight of her revelation was a heavy burden about to be lifted. “lyney and i are dating…” her shoulders then turn slack, exhibiting the instant wave of relief that washes over her.

you couldn’t help it; a snort of amusement passes your lips. it earned you a few disapproving glances from the nearby patrons, chastising your lack of propriety in a public setting.

she embarks on an exhausting tangent, yakking on the long months she had to weather before she could have confided in her dear friends about her supposed private affair.

she emphasized how lyney insisted on maintaining it under wraps for over a year — eh, wrong! the twins met her for the first time five months ago — out of his desire to protect her from the clutches of obsessed fans and admirers.

the longer she spoke, the closer her stories cross into more ridiculous territory. at one point, she spun a yarn about his grandiose profession of love for their anniversary, including dedicating an entire routine inspired by her.

however, what left you scratching your head was the lack of skepticism from her friends. a quick read of her body language would’ve shone a light at her deception. it had you questioning whether you had somehow gone mad or if they were genuinely as dim-witted as they seemed.

“i knew it! no wonder you’ve been smiling a lot lately!”

“ah, i’m so jealous~! sigh, he’s such a handsome man.”

“so romantic… i wish that was me!”

assessing the present circumstances, one might figure you would now reveal all of her lies. you didn’t. rather, you found yourself more inclined to watch and observe how this fiasco will play out.

you trust lyney, enough to know he loves you and wouldn’t pursue another woman behind your back, especially a woman he and his sister worked with. it allowed you to cast aside your initial worries about her and her interest in him. regardless of your opinion, she did her job well, even though you secretly wished she wasn’t so uncomfortably obsessed with him — a notion she made no effort to hide.

clearly, given what you were witnessing.

“oh, look, ladies! here he comes!” one of their voices pierces the air, overtly eager to see the ‘happy couple’ they were led to believe. conversely, lyney’s self-proclaimed lover appears to be positively distraught.

the man in question enters cafe lucerne, his gaze firmly laid on you. he shows little to no mind towards the group of women who shadow his every move. he walks by and greets you with a kiss on the cheek, taking the vacant chair in front of you.

“and how was your day, ma belle?” he removes his hat then runs his fingers through his hair — a simple gesture that left you swooning.

his charming demeanor momentarily distracts you from the comedic disaster unfolding in the background.

it was a tumultuous stir of “huh… who’s that?” and “gasp, is he cheating on you?” while the two of you converse in mindless chatter. one second, he was recounting his chores for the day; and the next, three indignant women loom over him whereas the source of this mayhem cowers in the back.

“ugh, the audacity to have a mistress and meet her in broad daylight! you have no shame!”

he glances from you to them, genuine bewilderment etched upon his face. “i beg your pardon?”

“oh, don’t play dumb! you know exactly what you’re doing!” another of the women upturns her nose at him.

witnessing the heated back-and-forth, it was remarkable to find that even arouet was invested in the drama.

it transforms into a three-versus-one impasse, but you were impressed by how gracefully he navigated through their baseless accusations. the culmination of the situation came when recognized his ‘lover’ and didn’t hesitate to call her by name, pressing answers for the lies she’d been spreading to her friends.

“i think you’ve all been misled, the only woman i’m seeing is this lovely one right here.” he turns then directs the gentlest of smiles at you.

unable to resist the itch, you finally laugh at the sudden turn of events. karma was indeed on the prowl, and to be a bystander for the incoming argument after she made a fool out of her friends, just to feed her delusion, was gratifying… for one of you, at least.

“care to tell me what just happened?” lyney tuts, his fingers extending across the table to grasp your hand in his, urging to draw your focus on him.

“later,” you mutter, absorbed by the evolving spectacle. it’s obvious you both will spend the whole evening discussing this…

from the very start, you weren’t one to rejoice in having any eyes on you. it was natural your bond with the one and only wanderer flourished discreetly.

this change in your life required no announcement. it wasn’t information that demanded broadcasting to the world; it could exist on its own if someone were to ask, you’d directly confirm the status of your relationship. otherwise, you find it irrelevant to insert this in areas where it held no relevance.

in the comfort of your solitude, you thrive, cocooned from nosy onlookers. your happiness, his happiness — these two were what truly mattered to you.

as time flowed by, your connection deepened, evolving into a union that grew stronger with each passing moment you shared. it was a sensation both of you held dear, a genuine and keen emotion that, if you dare to admit, could be called ‘love.’

of course, you weren’t ignorant to assume that your journey would be obstacle-free. beyond his undeniable intellect and esteemed role as the assistant and confidant of the dendro archon, he also began to draw attention for his otherworldly beauty.

you were aware that you might coming across his admirers one day. after all, you weren’t oblivious to the wistful glances sent his way by other women, nor the coy attempts at flirtation. still, you hadn’t taken into account the unusual lengths some individuals would go to win even a sliver of his time and attention.

it was painful to watch their efforts be met with a scoff or a withering frown. on a good day, they might receive nothing more than a mocking, “what do you want now?” from him.

on a sun-drenched afternoon, you find yourself perched on the steps leading to the sanctuary of surasthana whilst you await his return from his meeting with lesser lord kusanali.

yet, the tranquility of the sacred place was soon interrupted by an unexpected revelation — you weren’t alone. a trio of researchers positioned themselves near the entrance, their presence blends into the revered location, evoking no more notice than the everyday sights that surround you.

the sunlight dances upon your skin as you, absentmindedly, fiddle with your bracelet, a habit that had taken root over the years. the food container you had brought stays on your lap, and you can feel its warmth gradually dissipate. a frown on your face as you whisper a plea that he arrives before the snacks you prepared grew cold.

your gaze strays and locks onto one of the women standing nearby. suspicion dripped from her eyes, it lingers far longer than you liked. at first, you considered it a peculiar coincidence — perhaps she mistook you for someone else she knew?

unable to contain her curiosity, she approaches you with an air of authority, disregarding her friends’ endeavors to stop her from creating a scene.

“state your business,” she dictates, her tone icy.

you stand unwavering, refusing to yield an inch in the face of her bid to intimidate you. “if you must know, i’m here for wanderer.”

your words invoke a profound reaction within her, it coursed through her like an attack. “well, save your breath and don’t waste your time bothering him.”

“why not? who even are you to tell me what i should do and shouldn’t do?” your cadence steady and colder than hers, a testament to the time you spent with your dear wanderer — it seems to be paying off.

you expected her to either insult you or begin a monologue about her superiority as a researcher, but her reply took you by surprise.

“i’m his lover, duh! i don’t appreciate you flirting with him.” then, in a single motion, she confiscates the container from your grasp.

glances were exchanged amongst her peers, who advance to mediate the interaction. one of them pulls her away and positions himself between you. “i’m sorry for her behavior, miss. her sleep deprivation has her spouting nonsense.”

“i am not! there are clear signs he feels the same way. we’re dating; he’s just very reserved about his emotions.”

before it can escalate further, a familiar voice slices through the tension like a blade. “where have you been?” he chides, as he descends the steps.

beneath his hat, you spy the glaring discontent he directs at these strangers for taking your time away from him.

when your eyes locks, his gaze softens. the sour expression dissolves and was replaced by a flicker of warmth. you offer a reassuring smile in his direction, a gesture that noticeably eases his mind.

he was a stride away from you when she, flaunting a smirk, stops in front of him. you lay a hand over your lips to quash your laughter after spotting the look of disgust he tosses at her.

“wanderer, honey!” she tries to touch his arm but fails when he sidesteps her. “don’t worry, i already handled this pest to lessen the burden for y—”

“who are you?” he sneers, and the haughty look on her face instantly disappears. she attempts to stutter a response, an effort to remind her title as his lover, but his menacing gaze he wore silences her.

“moreso, who are you to advise my wife what to do?”

eh? his wife?

“your wife?!” her friends turn pale, realization dawning upon them. they shiver at the thought of unintentionally crossing him, all thanks to her behavior.

“i-i just thought…”

“well, you thought wrong; know your place.” in a last display of irritation, he shoots them a cutting glare. then, he seizes the food container from her grip, his fingers then intertwine with yours as he guides you away from them.

as you walk away hand-in-hand, you cast a quick glance at her and stick your tongue out to mock her.

“i saw that,” he snickers and tugs you along, nearly causing you to stumble, “and you say i’m mean.”

“don’t get all smart, you called me your wife earlier.”

“shut up! it was meant to end the conversation early.”

#Pois.Reb #lyney x reader #wanderer x reader #imagine sleep deprivation causing you to be that delusional lmao #I'd do the same as mc and laugh at her

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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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Playing Ayato’s story quest

Player: You make me feel like the most useless bitch who's ever lived, why am I even here

Ayato: To make negotiations easier

Player: … I'm never pulling for you

Traveller: I agree

#Pois.Posts #genchin crack #genshin reader insert #genshin incorrect quotes #x reader #pois.writes #ayato slander

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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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Genshin Impact Self Aware – Your sadness

They miss you. For past week you have been login into the game only to do commissions and changing Resin into Condensed one (or quickly doing domains or Ley Lines if you already had 5 of them). They hoped that with the new regions of Fontaine you will be playing more, you will take them to get chests, do puzzles, find Oculi and enjoy the scenery like always. But no, you didn’t even unlocked all the new waypoints, only two or three, so they couldn’t help but wonder "Are you getting tired of them?"

They tried to be patient but the more time passed the more they were feeling worried. Till that one day you logged and they could hear you talking to them like sometimes you did before. “Finally we can go check those new places, right?” The team you were using lately was happy, but they couldn’t do anything that would make you aware that they are conscious about you and this ‘world’, so they had to contain their smiles after hearing your voice.

And yet, the more you were looking around with them and fight the enemies the more silent you become again, till you stopped moving them at some point. They wondered if you left for moment to bring food or something to drink but then they heard it. Your muffled sobs “What happened? Why are you crying? Did you get hurt? ” those questions were swarming in their heads and they couldn’t do anything. Through your sobs they could hear “I can’t stop thinking about it” What are you thinking about? If only they could do something for you, comfort you, tell that everything will be alright. But they can’t. No matter how much they love you. They can’t do anything for you.

You took them to a safe place, mumbling that you didn't feel like playing anymore and logged off. They are alone again, knowing that you’re sad.

Maybe it’s really time to try bring you here, where they will be able to protect you and make you smile every day.

#sagau #self aware genshin #pois.reb #man thinking about it some of them would only accept happy emotions as you play #anything that's not positive is just a strike towards the 'im kidnapping you later dw ill save you' box

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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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Doing away with the lame "character gets fat to indicate that they've become a huge loser" trope and replacing it with a new, cooler "character gets fat to indicate they finally feel fulfilled with life" trope

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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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hello there!

can i request kaeya and diluc(separately) like having a friend who calls them "master kaeya/diluc" out of respect

and like when they get in a relationship the reader kept calling them that because it's kind of a habit now

thank you 3>

Kaeya laughs it off a little. He never really minded because he is used to being called "Sir" from his status as a Knight and no matter how many times he tried to remind you that you don't have to call him by a title since the two of you are friends. It's even more amusing to him when the two of you begin officially dating and you still call him master. He's going to be a little more insistent that you call him by his name and not just a title. When you do slip up he playfully pouts, asking if you really just hate him so much that you're refusing to use his name. You know it's all in good fun though so you never take it personally, slowing weaning yourself off the habit.

Diluc doesn't really notice it at first. Even amongst friends who have known him for years there are people who call him Master Diluc so you calling him Master doesn't even make him bat an eye/ It's not until the two of you are dating that Diluc tries to get you to stop calling him Master. He doesn't want there to feel like there's some power dynamic between the two of you because he thinks of you as an equal. To him, the title just reinforces some hierarchy that he doesn't care for when it comes to your relationship so he gently reminds you every time you use a title and not his name.

#genshin #pois.reb #the solution is to be more dramatic and up the theatrics

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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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Part of you desperately wanted to kill your uncle right now, the other part of you reminded yourself firmly that he was already very very dead. When you had told him that you were upset that the park was no longer operating, having adored going to see the dinosaurs, he had promised you that you would be able to see them again. You hadn’t thought he would be insane enough to take you to a black market auction of all things.

You knew your uncle wasn’t a good man, nor was he a particularly stable man, but he had never put you in danger before, not like this. Bringing you here had been incredibly risky, even you knew how quickly these sorts of things could turn south. He should have known better.

Though you were anxious and uncomfortable, especially with a lot of the looks you were getting, you were very happy when the first dinosaur was brought out. You still remembered the first two times your uncle had taken you to the park when you were younger, the first time being shortly after your parents had died, leaving you to him, and the second having been a few years later as a surprise, after some kids had bullied you to tears.

Somehow, you had a natural affinity with the creatures, drawing the babies to you with ease, and even unintentionally catching the attention of the adults and predators, worrying both your uncle and the guide that he had paid for. Fortunately, you were rather oblivious to how unnatural their behaviour was as a child, simply happily watching as they would pace as close to the barriers of their enclosures as possible, eyes unwavering from your young form.

It had been years since then, and though you were now an adult, you still felt that childish glee when you saw the magnificent creatures. That joy came quickly crashing down moments later, as you watched some of the men start zapping them to stir them up. Very quickly you realised just why these men were all so interested in them.

Having felt sick at the thought and sight, you quickly murmured to your uncle that you were going to go and use the bathroom, gently brushing off his worries before escaping into one of the halls. When you came out, you were just in time to watch everything go to hell.

You knew you should have been more upset as you saw your uncle lying there unmoving, but all you could feel was fear at that point. Witnessing the carnage, you had quickly fled deeper into the building, managing to swiftly get lost in the many hallways, the panicked and dying screams of the others echoing out behind you.

In a blind panic, you never thought to simply hide away in a room, and by the time you did, it was too late. Seeing the creature at the other end of the hall, you froze, only moving again when it snarled and started running at you. Crying out, you scrambled back, tripping over one of the expensive rugs on the floor. Your stomach sank with dread as you realised you wouldn’t get up in time, your arms coming up instinctively to shield your face, though you knew it would do no good.

A shaky cry of fear slipped from you as you felt and heard the creature land over you, its heated breath terrifyingly close. You waited, and waited, but nothing came. Hesitantly you lowered your arms a bit, trembling as you found the animal staring down at you, body hovering aggressively above you.

This creature was like no dinosaur you had ever seen, though it reminded you vaguely of the raptors you had seen pictures of. It seemed to be just as confused about you as you were of it, its aggression shifting to curiosity as it cocked its head, perplexed by something you weren’t quite sure of.

You couldn’t help but flinch as it lowered its head and started sniffing you, remaining completely still as it took in deep drags of your scent around your belly, neck and head. Hesitantly, you shifted your hands, trying not to flinch as it instantly went still, watching your moves warily.

Internally you screamed at yourself, wondering what you were doing as you raised your hand. Very carefully you smoothed it over the bridge of its nose, remembering how some of the babies had liked it when you were at the park. You half expected it to bite your hand off, but much to your shock, it leaned into the touch, almost seeming to slump a bit as it did. Gaining a little more confidence, you petted it gently, a small giddy smile pulling at your lips as something that sounded distinctly like a purr, began to echo from its chest.

Breath suddenly forced out of your lungs, you grunted in surprise, eyeing the “dinosaur” now happily partially sprawled over you, pinning you to the ground with its large head and one of its long arms. You stilled for a moment, not sure what to make of this, but quickly got back to petting the beast when it let out a decidedly displeased sounding rumble.

You really wanted to kill your uncle right now.

#pois.reb #inspiration

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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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Lucifer gets flustered if you treat him like a king (bowing, "your highness", "sir", standing pin straight) there I said it.

Imagine meeting him at the hotel when he comes to visit Charlie the first time and you're all polite and treating him like royalty. He gets it here and there from people but for whatever reason it's so different coming from you. It's even better if you're shy about it, flushing and avoiding his gaze, but maybe you're very open and unafraid and just simply offering him respect. (Cause as much as I love writing my shy readers I have to cater to those who aren't as well)

No matter how you're going about it he's got this wobbling expression and rosy cheeks, gripping his staff for dear life.

#hazbin hotel #pois.reb #im imagining them getting super extra with it #they know he's in the other room so they slide in on one knee already bowing type extra

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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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Lucifer x Imp!Reader

warnings: imp bigotry, heavy topics, lowkey angsty (happy end, i swear)

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

• Secret relationship, baby!

• Let’s get into the hard part first, shall we? The discrimination of Imps isn’t something Lucifer set into motion. They helped him build Hell into what it is today—! Which is… flawed. Fuck, there’s no excuse. Know that he doesn’t condone it and he’s ashamed to admit he allowed it get this far

• That saying “history repeats itself”? Yeah, Hell isn’t immune

• It’s an elephant in the room situation when your and Lucifer’s feelings come into play. Along with the enormous power imbalance. He would never take advantage of that, by the way, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s there

• Those issues are in the beginning though. Yes, it takes a lot of time and many painful conversations but now? Undoubtedly worth it

• Lucifer is quite proud of himself for the charade he concocted. You pose as his employee! No one would question it and you could hang around as much as you like! It’s perfect, right?

• “It sounds like a shitty romcom plot.” You snort

Lucifer’s smile is unwavering, eyebrows high on his face as he awaits what he longs to hear.

“But?”

Sighing, you softly return his smile, “It’s perfect.”

• And like a shitty romcom, it is

• Naturally, there’s ups and downs

• For Lucifer, the worst is that he hates keeping you a secret. It’s not that he wants to dish it live with Katie Killjoy and Tom Trench, he’s rather private as is, he’s just so— happy! He wants to show how proud he is to be yours! Unfortunately, that would do more harm for all of Hell. Selfish as his wants might be, he wouldn’t do that. Especially if it meant putting you in danger

• Occasionally he takes you to meetings and events. You try and slip into the background, supporting him from the shadows. Even from the other side of the room, Lucifer’s eyes will find you standing amongst the other Imps. He accidentally ends up ignoring whoever’s trying to rub elbows with the King of Hell

• (Honestly, it’s a miracle no one has found you two out yet. His longing gazes are far from subtle)

• Sometimes those outings don’t end well. A blue blooded dickbag might’ve dumped their drink on you or shoved you because you were “in the way” or berated you in front of everyone. Lucifer sees red and the entire event is cut short via a demonic rage. On a positive note, his publicity goes off the charts! “King of Hell defends his people, no matter the race!”

• (A motherfucking miracle, I tell you)

• Lucifer likes to take care of you when those incidents occur. He feels guilty. For everything. Reassuring him has always easy for you in any other situation. This one just bleeds into something personal. A failure

• So, you let him take care of you. It improves his mood bit by bit. Could be pancakes! No matter the time of day, Lucifer’s go-to are pancakes. (He’ll simply die all over again if you let him feed you too) Could be a bath for the two of you to share, he loves washing you and putting a bubble beard on your face

• Sleepovers can be a tad difficult to pull off but no one disturbs him in the mornings. He loves having you in his arms all night long. Kissing your horns, forehead, eyes, nose and lips— yes, in that order— before wishing you only the sweetest dreams

• Lucifer has a rubber duck that looks uncannily like you sitting on his desk at all times

• Oh! And despite being an Imp, you’re still taller than your beloved short king. It’s slight but he adores the difference

♡ a/n: if i had a nickel for every time a blue blood fell in love with an imp, i’d have /three nickels HAHAHA

#hazbin hotel #pois.reb #breaking news hell is dense af

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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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Player levelling their artifacts

+Dogshit.6% +Suffering.9% +Time.Wasted% CRIT Rate 2.7%

Player: I knew that this would happen, why does this always hapPEN, I THINK I'M GONNA HAVE A BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN

#Pois.Posts #genchin crack #genshin reader insert #genshin incorrect quotes #pois.writes #quote from 'Jojo's but really really fast'

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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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I just managed to fix this problem (I think???) And now my posts don't show up in the tags. What fucking luck 🙃

My custom tumblr theme has stopped working, and I don't quite understand why. That's where I was keeping all of my information and master list so that's a bit upsetting :/

#Pois.Posts #Pois.Rammbles #What's the point of posting my work if no one's going to see it #I'm just going to keep it to myself if tumblr keeps giving me issues #either that or post them to AO3 #AO3 is probably better anyway

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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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36-Stars of Jealousy

(This is a re-upload: originally posted on UniverseUchu sometime around Sumeru's release)

Who’s Here: Venti

Contains: SAGAU (Not Cult AU), Angst (Venti is jealous of Nahida)

Note: This is incredibly self-indulgent and mostly was just me writing my frustrations with the Sumeru Abyss through Venti. I'm so glad we're done with Sumeru honestly their Abyss floors sucked shit.

💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Venti didn't usually get jealous, but right now he could feel it building in his heart and simmering throughout the rest of his body. He can hear the cheers and laughter from his player beyond the vale, the absolute elation in their voice obvious to anyone in Teyvat. Usually he would bask in their happiness, whether the cause was him, something or someone else, he didn't care. All that matter was that they were happy... But... This was an immensely special occasion.

The player had finally finished the Spiral Abyss with 36 Stars. A complete clear. After getting severely unlucky over and over again with artifacts and throwing themselves again and again at floor 12 only to come out a loss every time, this was definitely a momentous occasion. Venti wanted to be happy for them, he truly did, but he cannot for the life of him let go of his seething jealousy. When the player first booted the game it was very obvious he was the reason they even got it. He was the reason they continued after learning about the gacha system. He was the one they were most excited about when seeing multiple vision users on screen. His nation was their favourite. His element was their favourite. He was the first limited 5 star they got the first constellation for. He was their favourite. One of their strongest and most used units. So why... Why wasn't he needed... Why was dropping him off the team what brought the Abyss to full completion. Why was replacing him with the Dendro Archon, the one with such a half assed build, the play that brought them victory?

Now Instead of being the object of their affection, he was watching them gush over Kusanali. Instead of him partying with his team, he's sitting here sulking in Old Mondstadt mourning his permanent removal and seething over his replacement. He can't even cry in the solace of the Teapot since it's not set to Inazuma, Top 8. It's set to Sumeru, Abyss Champions. Just thinking about it makes him want to cry.

He knows he's being dramatic. He knows he should just get over it. He's still their favourite that hasn't changed. He's still firmly placed in the Inazuma layout. Their still happy to use him and still want to get him better artifacts than what he currently has. Even if all of that wasn't true he still has a role to play and can't afford the Player to see him like this. Despite all of that he can't help but feel like Kusanali is slowly going to replace him, not only in his team, but in the Teapot, in usage, in their heart. He's anxious and jealous and wants nothing more than to prove somehow he's still better than her. Absolute confirmation that she'll never take his position as favourite. But more than anything, he wished she never joined in the first place.

#sagau #self aware genshin #genshin #Reader Insert #X Reader #pois.writes #Pois.Posts

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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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Furina reveals Lyney and Lynette as members of the house of the hearth

Audience: omg fr?

Furina: *I'm such a genius*

Traveller: *Getting upset*

Player: Oh… Okay.

Audience: WHAT

Furina: Wh- Huh!? Just Okay???

Player: I- We're friends with a fatui harbinger, a former fatui harbinger, and well acquainted with the fatui squadrons in the Chasm and Golden Apple Archipelago, and there’s also Victor. I don't really see what the problem is.

Lyney on the verge of a panic: Then why’re they still mad at me

Traveller: Why did the archon have to be the one to tell me?

Player: Actually, you got a point-

Lyney: W-WAIT, LET ME EXPLAIN

#genchin crack #genshin reader insert #genshin incorrect quotes #x reader #pois.writes #Pois.Posts #sagau

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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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#pois.reb

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poisonous-honey · 2 months

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˗ˏˋ ꒰ ⊹ ROMANCE IS DEAD ( it finds you anyway ) ꒱ ˎˊ˗

synopsis ☆ to you, romance has always been a nice, picture perfect concept you have all the affection you would have for a plastic plant. sorry as it may sound to others, but romance just wasn't your cup of tea. ......then came paimon. in your shock, she reveals that for her to be gone forever, you needed to find your match amongst the many love interests she’s garnered for you. that goes about as well as you expect.

ft. al-haitham, scaramouche ! ☆ or, in a simpler context — my very, very indulgent romantic killer-inspired romance au with the genshin men. ꒰ part i (here). part ii. part iii. ꒱

“So you’re saying….. I need to fall in love?”

“Yep!” Paimon says, enthusiastic and floating around over you with stars in her eyes. “Aren’t you glad you can finally have some good prospects instead of resorting to fictional romance games? Why have the fictitious ones when the real deal is right in front of you?”

because clearly the real deal is less stellar than the ones on a screen!

with a flick of her finger, a blinding white light appears before you, with Paimon’s grin reaching the edges of her own cheeks from her eagerness.

“So for the sake of my money, my mora, my food! Please fall in love, [name]!”

It’s all she says before she disappears in that same burst of light, leaving only celebratory music behind and a system window in her place.

welcome, dear love lost soul! are you ready to find your match?

Paimon wasn’t here anymore, so surely you could decline, right?

oh, and by the way, we’ve already confiscated all unnecessary distractions on your flowery path for true love! say goodbye to your dearest otome games, cliche novels, and all needless things hindering you from focusing on your objectives. much love !

You are so screwed.

AL-HAITHAM — the flawless in all aspects except love

[ AFFECTION: 78% ] status : your childhood friend. drifted apart when you entered high school. has liked you since children and doesn’t really know how to express it so he pines silently from afar as the protagonist (you) takes interest in the other love interests!

well fuck paimon and her little magic gimmicks because you had NO idea Alhaitham even liked you at all. Like, was this the Alhaitham that rambled on and on when you were in high school about how love is a coordinated system of feelings induced by an array of predetermined aspects…?????

so yeah. you have no idea when, why, or how he grew to like you.

but then you decide to look a little deeper.

you watch as he always turns his headphones off when you talk to him (he never does that; kaveh could talk his ear off all the time and the most he’d do is give a non-committal hum of acknowledgment) and how he’d always remember to get your favorite drink in the vending machine at the back of class.

and suddenly it all makes sense.

so now you’re like, oh so he does actually like me and it’s not me being delusional and how the hell did i not notice

“it’s obviously because you were too invested in those otome games and romance novels!” “not helping, paimon.”

“is that alhaitham's headphones?” kaveh asks, eyes bulging out of his sockets. “he let me borrow them earlier.” you say half-heartedly. knowing your blonde friend, he's definitely going to be nosy about this... “whats all the fuss?” tighnari and cyno come to look, and then both share a look once they see the headphones in your ears. “come on, you two! why are we not making this a big deal?! clearly theres something up here!” kaveh sputters, only to be followed by pitying glances from the three of you. oh, kaveh, if only you knew....

SCARAMOUCHE — the high and mighty (or is he?)

[ AFFECTION: 42% UNKNOWN ] status : rich son of a corporate company and beloved by all— and he knows it. you can't stand him, but you guess he's not too bad....

shocked™ (2) because what the fuck you're telling me scaramouche, that scaramouche, might have a sliver of affection for you?

he has everything; money, grades, looks - the only thing he doesnt have is probably a temperance in attitude. you used to have a crush on him back in your second year, but hopes were dashed when you realized the rather sour aspects of his personality

although, he's quite the enigma. he's the only one out of all your prescribed love interests who's affection level keeps fluctuating.

first, it started when you helped him out after a seemingly rough patch (you heard from his friend kazuha that's he has quite the complicated relationship with his mother), then it rose then stagnated back to 42% when earlier it was about 80%. really, he's so confusing.....

and what's with the tsundere act?! one day he's like a dashing prince sweeping you off your feet, then he's denying it like the thought of being, heck, sweet to you was revolting! doesn't matter if he's all red, a person does get insulted whenever someone calls them idiot and dumbass long enough, you know!

while you're busy thinking about what else this impishly fair faced man has in store for you.... perhaps you're already ignoring the glaring signs of red cheeks and the special treatment he reserves for you and you alone.

“what the hell are you even doing?” scaramouche's glare is enough to make you shiver, and you shoot him a wry look. “i'm trying to dry myself off.” you gesture at the white button-up shirt soaked in water from when venti accidentally poured on you on the way to the gym. “got into quite the watery situation, as you can see.” “....” you're busy squeezing out the water from from your shirt till you notice a purple jacket draping over you. looking back towards him, you can see his cheeks splashed in peach, scaramouche looking anywhere but at you. ???? “don't think of it as something, you hear? it's unseemly if you show up dripping wet like that to class.” is what he sputters out in excuse. “then i guess i have to thank you someday then.” you reply sarcastically, but you know his goodwill is sincere. he may not look it, but he does care. “thank you.” he flinches at that, and then before you know it, he's already running off. jeez, would it kill him to take a compliment? if you would've looked closer, maybe you could've caught the color on the tips of his ears.

#genshin #pois.reb #'well fuck paimon and her little magic gimmicks' love this #especially with the delivery I'm imagining it's hilarious

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