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dorkgelic · 2 years

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Moon in the signs and how you process emotions...

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“What are moon signs?”

The moon is the planet of emotions, the mother figure, our deepest personal and emotions needs, our basic habits and reactions, our style of need, our unconscious and such. Your moon sign can tell you how you process emotions, about how your mother treats you, survival instincts, defense mechanisms, eating habits, the subconscious of yourself you may keep hidden, and the soul of your identity.

☾ Aries Moon ☽

These people are impulsive and head strong by nature but they truly just experience their emotions in a very erratic way. This doesn’t mean that their personality is erratic or necessarily unpredictable but the way the do experience their emotions can come on very strongly, but they also go away quite easily. They may feel like they have something to prove to the world, and this is because they know they’re very strong emotionally, and can do great things and accomplish anything they desire. My advice for Aries Moons would be to learn how to balance all of this energy they have so that they can use it to do productive things, you want to keep all of this energy occupied and entertained otherwise it might just end up exploding and literally breaking things. Exercising can really help with this too because it’s good for the human body, AND they can channel all of their anger through the physical activity & even sports. Aries moons are very humorous and have a good sense of humor, this may be prominent in their personality as well, or when they’re talking about their emotions they may just slip something funny out. They’re very sarcastic and witty and also quick. Their relationship with their mother or other female figures in their life can be challenging, some may even have anger issues as well. They have child-like energy that is really contagious to be around and even though they have many mood swings and temper tantrums, they are so much fun and have a joyful and useful spirit to them. They may not like experiencing the more darker, sadder emotions or just don’t allow themselves to because they don’t like to experience the pain and negative affect it has on them. They have to learn that it’s okay to experience grief and that’s it normal to be upset sometimes.

Celebrities with their Moon in Aries: Angelina Jolie, Kim Taehyung, Rihanna, and Kendall Jenner.

☾ Taurus Moon ☽

So first of all, I really love this placement in a natal chart. This shows someone who sticks to their opinions and really stands for them. Now, this can be bad or good depending on the person and the opinion. They’re very good at sticking to the facts of a situation too and are able to push through any problems. They can also just be really stubborn because they like staying inside their routine and practice, and they don’t really like trying new things because they’re not used to it so they may think it will disrupt their routine. (This also depends on other placements.) They like waking up early to get ready for their day, and often have their outfit picked out for the next or at least have an idea of what they want to wear depending on the event. Taurus Moons are the type of people to spend a lot of money on items for self-care like lotions, bath bombs, lip balm, face scrubs, perfume, etc as well as food they enjoy or just things they love overall. They like expensive things. They often find themselves overspending more then they expected to. Their love language can be touch & gift giving and receiving. They know how to hold grudges but are also emotional and touchy. Deep down, they are big hard workers that know how to keep track of their money. They know their self-worth and aren’t afraid to work for what they want. When they don’t want to do something, you will quite literally feel it. It’s like their whole energy changes and you can feel how they won’t budge and that’s why you can’t easily get through them. But, they can be very chill and make people feel very comfortable just with their presence. They might’ve had a mother that was strict or had a very comfortable vibe. They can be great artists or just have a good eye for beautiful things. They can appear very cold and unbothered at times as well, especially in the eyes and eyebrows. They process their emotions by adapting at their own pace and maybe even eating, they need to feel stability and affection so that they feel like they’re safe.

Celebrities with their Moon in Taurus: Joe Biden, Zendaya, Chris Brown, and Lindsay Lohan.

☾ Gemini Moon ☽

Gemini Moons are very popular for getting bored easily and in response to that, they like to keep things interesting meaning they will think about everything. They’re genuinely very smart, but they do care about how their appearance comes off to others- even if they don’t verbally let you know, their actions will literally speak for themself. They like to be sneaky and witty, but sometimes they can prioritize love over things that are more important like themselves. But, like with every Gemini placement (especially if it’s in the big 3) they have 2 sides to them (they’re very adaptable!) If you betray them in any way, they will somehow make it up to you, but many people don’t see or know this side of them that they keep hidden. Since this is an air sign in such an emotional planet, Gemini Moons may feel detached or just disconnected from their feelings at times which can lead them to not caring about anything at all. They are also very prone to mood swings, they can go from crying to energetic very quickly. They have a quick and curious mind, although, its often filled with several topics so it makes it hard to concentrate, but they can focus if they really try. They also experience a lot of feelings all the time which is why they are prone to mood swings, it’s like they don’t know what to feel and it can be very overwhelming and cause them to feel anxious which causes them to feel mad. But then, they can also be extremely obsessive or needy. Their decisions are more rational then emotional too. It takes a lot for them to get upset and they don’t get over it quickly, but they can get over their emotions fast and get over problems very quickly. They’re also very good at admitting when they’re wrong, and this is quite admirable! They process their emotions by talking them out. When it’s too much to handle inside, they just let it all out and vent whether it’s by themselves or with someone else.

Celebrities with their Moon in Gemini: Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin, Khloe Kardashian, and Jimin.

☾ Cancer Moon ☽

Cancer Moons are seriously the sweetest. Ever. But. They can also be very crazy. They’re intensely affected by what sign the moon is in right now. This is a very good sign to have the moon in because it’s in its rulership. The thing they do best is feeling emotions, and they’re very driven by them as well. They understand that people can be emotional at times and they just understand people in general. They know that sometimes all a person needs is just a little comfort and kindness, so out of the kindness of their heart, they provide it. Their emotions are very strong, and their emotional or family world may make them cry a lot. They may look calm on they outside, but they’re actually falling apart on the inside. Their emotions are really jumpy, they have a lot of mood swings and think they’re feeling a certain way when in reality they’re not. They jump to conclusions easily. Their mother may have been very emotional even if she was nurturing or just crazy, she had heavy emotions and the individual felt them as if they were experiencing it first hand, or they just got really good at reading their moms emotions and moods so that they could understand her and protect themselves. They may find that over time they’re learning the importance of taking care of their emotions and healing. They need to learn to just go with their emotions instead of being overwhelmed by them, and this will not be easy. But this will help their intuition develop and their emotions will actually become very powerful and instead of fearing them, they can start to work with them to get what they want. They can manifest anything to be honest. They process their emotions by taking their feelings of empathy and kindness and then turn it onto the people they care most about. They will literally smother you with affection.

Celebrities with their Moon in Cancer: Taylor Swift, Kurt Cobain, Shakira, and Gwen Stefani.

☾ Leo Moon ☽

Leo Moons are either confident or insecure, this can vary depending on the chart. They may even feel in between at times but they mostly have their mind set on one. Unlike other Leo placements, they aren’t trying to entertain anyone but themself. This is a very famous/iconic placement. They really just radiate celebrity energy. They have a certain type of magnetism that just makes other people attracted to them and want to be their friend. People may just naturally respect individuals with this placement because they feel like they deserve it and are worthy of it. They can be very optimistic even though things in their life may not be the best, they also have like a happy attitude about life. They know how to find their spotlight and aren’t afraid of shining. Even if they don’t like to “shine” they still like to share with others something they’ve created because that’s very important to them. They really want to express themselves to the fullest and show people their true self. They’re excellent entertainers & usually do well in that industry. In their head and feelings, they made truly see themselves as a celebrity. They probably think that people are waiting for them to post on social media, and to be honest, they’re not wrong! They are very aware of their power, and because of this they can get under people’s skin without seeming like they’re trying anything. They know how to be loving, generous. They actually quite like bossing people around. Validation can be very important for them because since they don’t really have the lightness Leo suns have within them, because in the moon type of position, Leo isn’t getting any light, so they crave that light from other people; validation. Leo moons process their emotions by being their own biggest fan, doing creative things to please themselves, and shining bright.

Celebrities with their Moon in Leo:: Jeon Jungkook, Megan Fox, Lana Del Rey, and Paris Hilton.

☾ Virgo Moon ☽

Virgo Moons can be very harsh and rude to themselves, that’s why it’s hard to be mean to them. They probably think they have many flaws because they over-analyze everything. They’re the type of people that think “if this doesn’t look good in my perspective, I’m not wearing it.” They’re very critical and analytical, they’re probably right most of the time too. They have a very sharp perception of reality, and when they criticize themselves, it hurts sometimes so when they learn how to give constructive criticism, that’s when they really learn. They do very well in big, messy situation because they’re there to organize them and give their perspective and suggestions. They know how to fix everything and make it run properly, but this might be the opposite for their personal life. Their moms may have been super critical with them and had high expectations. If they have good aspects to their moon, their mom could’ve been very clever and supportive, she might’ve encouraged them to learn more and to upgrade their skills often, and she could’ve been very reliable and productive. If there’s bad aspects, their mother could have been very anxious and nervous most of the time and scattered. They overthink a lot, especially in certain situations. This is really not good because it can lead to stress and then they aren’t able to focus. They can also be easily embarrassed so they feel the need to protect themselves and put a guard up. A lot of their critics may be directed at their body. They’re constantly trying to get to their standard of perfection. They are very good at analyzing & are very hard workers. They like talking about different ideas & perspectives and even though they don’t like changing their minds, if new information makes them question their opinion, they may change it. They need a calm, peaceful, and well-organized environment so that they can truly think and contemplate their feelings. That’s how they process them.

Celebrities with their Moon in Virgo: Nicki Minaj, Blake Lively, Bella Hadid, and Gordon Ramsay.

☾ Libra Moon ☽

Libra Moons are very social by nature, they often feel like they have strong connections with people around them (friends, family, etc) or with people in their social circle. They do crave partnerships and deep romance, but this can be fluctuating because they have hard times committing to things. It really takes something/someone very unique and special to them for them to actually commit. They prefer company over being by themselves, and have interest in beautiful things around the world. They have a good sense of style! They know how to see both sides of a situation or perspective, and this comes in handy. Sometimes, they’re not actually sure how they completely feel but this can be something that protects them. They HAVE to create balance, harmony, and peace in their life. They can also be just very naturally charming. It’s like an instinct of theirs. They’re great at relating to how others feel and because of this people want to be near them. If they relate to how you feel, they will validate your emotions and if you relate to theirs, then they may feel like their own emotions are also validated. This is how they process emotions. It’s very fair and balanced with these people. Even if everything’s not well in their life, they might try to make it out as if it was. Their mother could’ve been extremely fair and selfless, so they learned this lesson from her. It’s either that or their mother wasn’t very active in their life, she was indecisive, intolerant, impatient, etc. They can be very honest but sometimes they just let it out so they can’t take it back, sometimes it may be good things, and sometimes it may be bad things. They can be people pleasers and don’t want to ruin the relationship or the “vibe” which is why they don’t truly speak their emotions. They still have a very beautiful look to them nevertheless.

Celebrities with their Moon in Libra: Justin Bieber, Leonardo DiCaprio, Ariana Grande, and Kristen Stewart.

☾ Scorpio Moon ☽

Emotionally, these people are very intense and have a deep side to them that not many people see. This is a very hard and strong placement to have. They often feel like they need to get to the bottom of things and often discover things by chance. They have spot on intuition and their detective skills are second to none. They have many abilities and one of them is how they’re able to see through people and their facades or acts. Their emotions was transform a lot, and they’ll go through periods of emotional rebirth. They really strive for balance in their emotions, so in order for that to happen, there has to be less extremes & more moderation. They can be very intense and honest so this really triggers other people because it’s like they want to be more like the native. Many people may project their insecurities onto them as well because their like a “scapegoat.” They may often come into contact with their deepest emotional fears and obviously this isn’t always easy. Many Scorpio Moons have trust issues, or they just feel a sense of betrayal and loss and that’s why it’s hard for them to trust others, but when they see someone who has earned their respect, they pick individuals who seem like the real deal and that’s who they usually stick around. They are always thinking ahead so that they don’t get hurt and so that they can protect themselves because when they do get hurt, it’s very hard to go through it. They feel deep revenge for those who have wronged them and this needs to be managed because if not they may actually end up doing something they regret. It will also help them move on and grow. They are very driven. If they truly want something, they will go and get it no matter what. They can be emotionally paranoid so in response to this, they may feel emotionally repressed. They genuinely transform their darkness into a power for them to use. Their mother may have also taught them an important lesson, and that’s why they’re so strong. They can have a very strong connection with their mother or their mother is just plain possessive and vindictive. Their relationships with their mothers transform; a lot. Either way, she definitely left a mark on the natives life. Scorpio Moons process emotions by holding them in instead of letting them out, and only speaking of them to people whom they truly trust.

Celebrities with their Moon in Scorpio: Jennifer Lopez, Kylie Jenner, Avril Lavigne, and Adriana Lima.

☾ Sagittarius Moon ☽

Sagittarius Moons are very humorous & funny. They know how to cheer up a person when they’re feeling down and just overall have a very illuminating and jocular energy to them. When they have a problem in their personal life, they will talk on and on about it to their trusted friends seeking advice or just validation on the situation. This is how they process their emotions. They also have a very adventurous and enterprising side to themselves, and many people see this. They like to explore emotions, feelings, etc. They can be blunt and if they feel like they know the truth (which is most of the time) they will tell you, and aren’t afraid to do so. But sometimes, they’re not right. Their emotions are spontaneous and out of nowhere these feelings may just come out. What’s really good about this placement however is that if they’re in a bad or preposterous situation, they’ll still make the best out of it and stay positive. To them, it doesn’t make sense to dwell on problems or situations. They don’t really see certain situations as serious because they just have a playful attitude about everything and then when they do realize the situation is serious, it’s too late. Their mother could’ve given them a lot of freedom, or no freedom at all. She may also not let the native fully express themselves in the religious or spiritual ways they want to. (Ex: the native wants tarot cards; the mother says no because of her beliefs.) They can be extremely persistent, and be honest they’re quick and can get things done in an instant. If they have goals, they will quite literally climb mountains. They’re not going to think negatively about it and they’re going to strive to get it done. This is why they are great manifesters. And even if they do have a setback, they won’t be down for long. They have the potential to become great artists and even earn money in the art industry because of their amazing creative expression.

Celebrities with their Moon in Sagittarius: Albert Einstein, Ted Bundy, Vincent van Gogh, and Pablo Picasso.

☾ Capricorn Moon ☽

People with their Moon in Capricorn have a very serious and mature nature to them even if they’re young. They have high expectations for themselves and others, and when they or other people can’t meet those expectations, they’ll most definitely get frustrated. They are strong-willed and have a great sense of self-control. They can really resist to do things, and are better about going at something the smarter way. They’re more likely to not give in to peer pressure because of this. However, they can be more prone to depression. Capricorn Moon natives can be sarcastic & witty once you really get to know them, but they can be just as serious in an instant. They crave success and will stop at nothing until they get it, their drive is very high for things that they really want and many people admire this about them. They may have had to learn to take care of themselves when they were younger and because of this they grew up faster than their peers. They could’ve also spent a lot of time alone, leading into isolation and the feeling that nobody wanted to hear their feelings or what they truly feel. It’s hard for Capricorn Moons to truly speak what they feel because of the fear that it will get used against them. They are strong, and really hate to act vulnerable in front of people. But if push comes to shove, they will. Their mother was most likely not as present as she’d like to be, and was most likely constantly working, or she just wasn’t there much for some reason. They’re the type of people that are better at showing their love through acts of service because they may not be able to verbally communicate it. However, they can express their emotions through creative endeavors like drawing, dancing, etc. I don’t want to say they don’t process emotions but sometimes that is the case just because they’re so used to not being emotional so they don’t feel the emotions there until they actually realize it. In a type of “crisis” situation, they’ll seem fine and more calmer because they are just kind of prepared for it. They honestly have so much strength and wisdom within. I love Capricorn Moons so much.

Celebrities with their Moon in Capricorn: Johnny Depp, Jojo Siwa, Bella Thorne, and Emma Roberts.

☾ Aquarius Moon ☽

Aquarius Moon are the more avoidant types. They avoid their feelings more then anything else. They only process their emotions when it’s convenient or when they can’t hold it in anymore but personally, I’ve never heard an Aquarius Moon talking about how they feel. They do value friendships but they need to learn how to express their emotions better in order for the friendships to be expressed in the best way possible. They are very creative, and if they do art, they like to base their art on themselves and how they feel. They can be reserved but extroverted at times, so they’re pretty in between and are more like an ambivert. They feel the need to restrict and control sometimes, and if they haven’t healed this yet then it can produce a very chaotic and difficult inner world. People will notice the native is not as sensitive as most people and this is because they can naturally just disconnect and distance from what they’re feeling. Yes, they may be aware of how they’re feeling and what they’re experiencing but they won’t actually process it. They have an ability that lets them switch their emotions on and off, which can be very unpredictable and changeable. However, this doesn’t mean that they don’t care about other people. They actually care a lot about their family, friends, etc. But they just show it more subtly. It’s hard for people to come to Aquarius Moons with their emotions because it’s hard for them to empathize with people. It’s possible the natives mother wasn’t emotionally around much to the point where they learned not to rely on her for emotional needs or affection. Their relationship may also not have been normal. It could’ve been very unique, and eccentric. It was definitely not the type of parent-child type of relationship you see everyday. These people are very good at excepting all different kinds of people into their life & friend circle. They have many resources, and are very welcoming as well as open-minded when they want to be.

Celebrities with their Moon in Aquarius: Britney Spears, Marilyn Monroe, Billie Eilish, and Gigi Hadid.

☾ Pisces Moon ☽

Pisces moons are honestly so kind deep down. They are prone to crying a lot even in light situations, and don’t mind showing this in front of their loved ones. They can really be mysterious, and just have that subtle aura to them. They can be very dreamy, as well as intuitive when they’re in their feelings. They can imagine and invent many things inside of their head. If they have a dream, they will try their hardest to make it into reality even if the dream is “impossible.” Their emotions can be changing, and so this is also what makes them mysterious. People wonder why they change their emotions often which leads to the air of mystique. Their dreams may be constant, and vivid. They can even have many memorable dreams that seem abstract or surreal. Since they’re so intuitive, they may receive messages through visions, dreams, etc. Lucid dreaming & astral projection may be especially easy for these people as well. They have a lot of creativity, and they will express in through art, music, writing, literally anything. They tend to follow what they want to do, and create their own path & this makes people admire them. When they were young, they could’ve been the type of child to be more reserved and timid because they weren’t sure of who they were. They can lack confidence, and this is an area of improvement. When they do start to gain confidence, they will begin to understand themselves better. The natives mother could’ve been very empathetic, caring, and nice. The relationship could’ve been very understanding as well. The native treated their mother very nicely and respectfully & was a very strong child because sometimes the mother had difficulties and had to make sacrifices. Because of their intuitive nature, they can pick up other peoples emotions and may find it hard to process their own emotions because of this. But when they know how to differentiate, they process their emotions pretty well.

Celebrities with their Moon in Pisces: Kesha, Michelle Obama, Kim Kardashian, and Kanye West.

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I enjoyed making this so much and I hope you enjoy reading it even more.

Don’t reword, translate, copy, plagiarize or use without credit.

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stillebesat · 1 year

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You ever consider how Dick Grayson and Dan Phantom are similar?

Like. Dick watched his parents die. He got taken away from his remaining family and placed in an unfamiliar city under questionable guardianship (juvie) where his focus was fully on finding his parents' murderer and getting justice for them until Bruce/Batman came along and mentored him into a better (if not always the healthiest) mindset. Setting him up to be a Hero.

While Danny. He watched his family, his friends, and the only teacher who kinda maybe cared for him die. He was placed under the questionable guardianship of Vlad. Who had no idea how to help a grieving boy. And instead...made things worse. Trying to separate the human from the ghost and setting Dan up to become the villain when Plasimus overtakes Phantom and turns him evil.

So like.

Why not have Danny meet Dick. Why not have Dick become the mentor that Danny desperately needs. The one who shows him that he can dig himself out of his grief. He can channel his anger. He can continue to help people despite failing the ones he cares about most.

After all Dick has been through a similar thing himself. He understands. He knows the feelings. Knows how the pain, how the anger never really fully goes away about what was taken from him. Knows how hard it is to accept that one can have a new family without forgoing your first family.

Or.

What if Dick comes across Dan after the fact. Whether it's by accidentally getting into the ghost zone and encountering the thermos holding him. Or Dan getting loose in his universe. Or maybe the obsesrvants attempting to put Dan on trial for all his Crimes.

But all Dick can see when he looks at this ghost is the 14 year old boy crying out for help. A mimicry of Dick's own 9 year old self. Crying out. For help.

So Dick steps forward. Points out the flaws. Points out all the ways that the Observants, that Amity Park, failed Dan.

You don't save a person by leaving them alone to figure it out by themselves after all. You save them by being there for them.

And the Observants....Observed. They did NOTHING. Of course Dan went down a dark path. He had no one else to show him otherwise.

Perhaps Clockwork gets invovled. Perhaps the Observants don't believe that Dan can be good and offer to let Dick 'test' his claims with the expectation that Dan will prove them right and Dick wrong in being 100% evil.

But Dick. Dick knows. Heroes can fall. Heroes can become Villains. But Villains can also become Heroes. And he's not going to give up on Dan. Not when he knows just how it feels to fall. Not when he knows just how much help it is to have someone in your corner.

He's not going to give up on Dan.

And Dick isn't going to let Dan give up on himself either.

#dp x dc #Dick Grayson #Dan Phantom #Danny Phantom #mentorship

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girl4music · 8 days

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youtube

“No one is birthed into the world complete and we don’t cross a line somewhere in our 20’s to find that we’ve arrived at adult. We shape ourselves into the people we are by making choices or circumstances will do the shaping for us. Which brings us to Willow…

This episode is a significant one for the Rosenberg and I realized watching it that I’ve suffered something of a Mandela Effect when it comes to her. Specifically I’ve been misremembering the very first episode where Willow’s eyes turn black upon casting a spell. In ‘Becoming Part I’ after Giles tells Willow that casting a soul restoration spell might open a door she’d be unable to close. She insisted. But his warning implies that casting magic potentially leaves an indelible mark on the caster and while being watched by Cordy and Oz something channelled through her and I was sure that she looked up, looked forward and had black eyes during the remainder of the spell - but no. Still, the door was open, and in Willow’s case what that has meant so far is magic becoming her number one coping mechanism. Magic has been a metaphor for a few things, but one of it’s analogues set up early on by Giles’ abuse of it to get high in ‘The Dark Age’, was drugs. A metaphorical connection between magic and alcohol was made in ‘Something Blue’ when Willow first tried to deal with her grief over Oz by way of a sick bud-light dance party. She has resorted to magic to cope with her lust, to cope with her anger, to cope with her grief,… and in ‘Tough Love’, her rage.

Historically there has usually been a scene afterwards where she suffers guilt for the spell’s misfire and bakes a round of apology cookies, but the episode always stops just short of her learning the actual lesson. Her regret is never specifically for the use of magic to solve her problem, but for the fact that she wasn’t capable enough to pull the spell off the way she wanted to and everyone tends to let it slide. On to the next episode. Heck, Buffy said more to Jonathan in ‘Superstar’ than she has ever said to Willow… because Willow is just… in pain, angry, lonely, lost. That’s all. It’s a familiar pattern with abuse-based coping mechanisms given there always tends to be a lot going on for that person. Big things that their friends and family members see as what actually drove their loved ones to this and that big thing feels more important right now than confronting their loved one about their little problem. Now is not the time, now is never the time and then time slips past.

But Willow has continued to become more powerful with every passing season and in ‘Tough Love’ her breaking into the Magic Box and channelling actual black magic I think represents a turning point. This is the first time her eyes actually turn black and if every spell leaves an indelible mark upon the caster, there is something in her now that she will always have to carry. But in keeping with Willow learning the wrong lesson or none whatsoever, the final scene in the episode follows the pattern we’ve seen to this point. Scoobies feeling bad for what Willow must be going through, conversations about consequences not being had and Willow feeling defeated and depressed. If the pattern fits not just because of Tara’s state, but because Willow wasn’t strong enough to wield the necessary power to properly take her revenge. Wasn’t strong enough,.. yet.”

Once again, nice job, Ian. Hit some points that I’ve never really thought about myself as you often do.

About your comment on the final scene of the episode being confusing because of the location they’re in.

Tara has not officially moved in with Willow. Yes, she stays in Willow’s room more often than not (hence the double bed replacing the two singles since ‘The Replacement’) and because of the traumatic events of ‘Family’ where her abusive dad just let himself in when it was unlocked, making it unsafe for Tara to be there alone, but they don’t officially live together. Willow still has her dorm room and Tara still has hers. So the room you see them in at the end of the episode is Tara’s dorm room, not Willow’s or Buffy’s.

#buffy the vampire slayer #tough love #willow rosenberg #alyson hannigan #tara maclay #amber benson #magic #power #coping mechanism #power corruption #buffy guide #passion of the nerd

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angel-thoughts-dump · 1 year

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In the dialog from this screenshot, we have another vampire saying that when they turn, the personality stays the same: "the rage and hatred we got? We get to keep all that. Except there's no guilt, no grief". We get something similar from Angel, when after getting his soul back, he is driven mad with guilt, and he finds he can no longer kill strangers he sees as innocent to feed himself.

And isn't it fucked up to say that what keeps you from hurting other people for your personal benefit is the guilt you would feel afterward? If YOU don't longer feel bad -guilty- after killing someone, then killing for fun or not becomes the same to you.

Well, I think people can care about things that don't directly cause them pleasure or pain. If someone lost the ability to feel guilty or empathy for others, I don't think it would immediately turn them evil.

Of course, the show swims in this ambiguity by also adding the vampire hunger, the urge to feed, the vague mention that a demon takes over the body? except most demons later are simply other species just like humans -not necessarily evil- And there's an ep of Angel where they introduce a human kid that's evil bc he has no soul...

Anyway, the show has a lot of instances when it repeats that losing the soul makes you evil because you stop feeling guilty, ergo, you stop caring about hurting others.

But in the Buffyverse we see vampires care about eachother, other things or humans. The caring is corrupted, heavily egoistical or superficial, things that are present in human relationships but in vampires are shown to be always toned up.

This screenshotted scene is interesting also because the newly turned vampire confesses: "the rage and hatred we got? We get to keep all that". Thinking back, all big vampires in Buffy were humans turned at their lowest point, they carried all that anger inside to the other side, meaning they didn't actually stop feeling bad, they didn't heal from any of their trauma and they didn't stop caring about it bc then they wouldn't be angry still. They were just offered the opportunity to distract themselves from it by feeling powerful and channeling all that hurt to the outside world. Vampirism offered the delusion that by feeling invincible you could stop hurting.

For example we see Spike care a lot about Drusila, he is deeply hurt when they break up, and literaly the way he gets over it is by remembering he can still have fun hurting others.

So in my mind it's not the inability to feel guilt without a soul what turns you evil, but the hatred and hurt they carry inside that they are taught to channel to the outside world with no consequence, and the subsequent power-high that's like a vicious circle.

No for nothing usually when a vampire rises, it's with a mentor by its side. When Angelus gets out of the grave, for example, Darla is right there waiting to validate his hunger, his urge to feed, same as the Master was before for her.

#believe it or not this rant was way longuer #lots of christian issues 😬

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womensecretinfo · 9 months

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Stages of a Breakup: Navigating the Emotional Journey

Introduction Today, in the stages of a breakup, you guys will read something different. Breakups are an inevitable part of many relationships, and they often bring forth a whirlwind of emotions that can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate. Each breakup is unique, and individuals may experience various emotions as they go through the different stages of this emotional journey. This article will explore the various stages of a breakup, delving into the profound emotions and experiences accompanying each step. Denial: The Illusion of Permanence At the onset of a breakup, it is common for individuals to find themselves in a state of denial. This stage is characterized by a refusal to accept the reality of the relationship's end. We cling to hope, desperately believing things will return to how they once were. Denial shields us from the pain and uncertainty that lies ahead, providing a temporary respite from the harsh truth. Heartache: The Crushing Weight of Loss As denial begins to fade, the weight of loss comes crashing down upon us. Heartache permeates every aspect of our being, leaving us feeling shattered and vulnerable. It's as if our hearts have been ripped open, exposing raw emotions that consume us entirely. Grief engulfs our souls, and tears flow freely as we mourn the loss of what once was. Anger: The Fiery Storm Within Anger surges through us like an unrelenting storm fueled by our pain. It is a natural response to the hurt and betrayal experienced during a breakup. We direct our anger toward our ex-partner, ourselves, and the world around us. The flames of fury may burn brightly, leaving us with a sense of righteousness or a desire for revenge. It is crucial to channel this anger constructively, finding healthy outlets for expression and release. Reflection: Seeking Understanding and Closure During the turmoil, we begin to reflect upon the relationship and the events leading up to its demise. This stage offers an opportunity for self-discovery and growth. We search for answers, seeking an understanding of what went wrong and how we can learn from the experience. Reflection brings clarity and a chance for closure, enabling us to move forward with newfound wisdom and self-awareness. Acceptance: Embracing Healing and Growth Finally, acceptance dawns upon us, bringing peace and liberation. We acknowledge that the relationship has ended and make peace with the reality of the situation. Acceptance does not mean we forget or erase the memories; instead, it allows us to let go of the pain and forge a path toward healing and personal growth. It is a transformative stage that paves the way for new beginnings and a brighter future. FAQs Is it normal to experience conflicting emotions during a breakup? Absolutely. Breakups often stir up a whirlwind of emotions, and it's completely normal to feel conflicting emotions at different stages of the process. How long does it take to heal from a breakup? Healing is a personal and unique journey for each individual. There is no specific timeline, as it varies depending on various factors, such as the length of the relationship and personal resilience. Should I maintain contact with my ex-partner after a breakup? Establishing a period of no contact is advisable to allow both parties to heal and gain clarity. Reestablishing contact should only be considered when both individuals have had sufficient time to process the breakup. What role does self-care play in the healing process? Self-care is vital during a breakup. It involves nurturing your physical, emotional, and mental well-being through activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and a sense of rejuvenation. How can I support a friend going through a breakup? Be there for your friend, offering a listening ear and non-judgmental support. Encourage them to express their emotions and remind them that healing takes time. Provide resources such as books or therapy if needed. Conclusion The stages of a breakup encompass a roller coaster of emotions, taking us on a profound and transformative journey. From denial to acceptance, each stage holds its unique challenges and opportunities for growth. We must honor our emotions, allowing ourselves to feel and process the pain while nurturing self-compassion and resilience. Through self-reflection and self-care, we can emerge from the depths of a breakup stronger and wiser. Remember, healing takes time, and each individual's journey is unique. Embrace the stages, seek support from loved ones, and trust that the process will lead you to renewed hope and happiness. Read the full article

#Stagesofabreakup

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robinjohnmorgan · 1 year

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Han’s Cottage is becoming a much-loved read, and people are really starting to talk about it, which is delightful. It is a special story that brings a lot of hope and optimism to those who read it, if you have read it, give it your consideration. Here is a little insight from the You Tube trailer Randolph had been set an impossible task: He knew her heart had been closed off too long, that there was too much pain and darkness surrounding her. He feared for the children, and yet, one way or another he would get Emily Montgomery Duncan to return home. At Age four Emily lost her mother in a car crash, and watched as her father fell apart. Unable to cope with the loss of his wife, and the child left behind; John enrolled Emily into a prestigious boarding school, and arranged for her holidays to be spent with her grandma Hannah. Shortly before her 21th birthday, Emily received a call; he Grandma Han had passed away. After finding out she had inherited everything, but the thought of living there without Han was unbearable, she returned to her flat in Exeter. Having spent a year with her grief, lost, alone, torn to pieces with her loss, and having to deal with the constant hounding of her Uncle Peter; Emily was finally driven to her breaking point, and in a moment of anger, plans to return to Han’s Cottage. With the support of one of her best friends, Shelly, Emily returns to Han’s Cottage and confronts a life without her Grandma Han; and in the process, discovers that Han had a very secret life. One Emily never knew about, a life she never could have imagined. This is a delightful Fairy Story for Grownups. An enchanting, magical fantasy story, of wonder and beauty, that looks at life, loss, and the magic that surrounds us all. All of Robin John Morgan’s books are available from all online sources in either digital or print formats. Take a look at the Violet Circle You Tube channel for all the latest trailers. Violet Circle - YouTube #robinjohnmorgan #heirstothekingdom #violetcirclepublishing #httk #vcp #reading #books #fantasy #adventure #rurallife #humour #sliceoflife #bookseries #magic #distopian #fiction #fairystory #thecuriochronicles #abigailssumm https://www.instagram.com/p/ClEMREhDbGM/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#robinjohnmorgan #heirstothekingdom #violetcirclepublishing #httk #vcp #reading #books #fantasy #adventure #rurallife #humour #sliceoflife #bookseries #magic #distopian #fiction #fairystory #thecuriochronicles #abigailssumm

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a-brighter-life · 2 years

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Is COVID Igniting a Human Transformation?

It has been 18 months that Covid entered our lives like an uninvited guest and has stayed way past its expected duration. Just as we thought it was leaving, it danced the dance of destruction and left us devastated as a community, as a nation, as humanity. And yet underneath the pain of it all, one can’t help but notice the slow but certain change it is bringing about. I am not sure if it is an inner transformation, but it does seem to be epic change (if I am to use the lingo correctly).

One of the most obvious fallouts is the ‘collective grief’ that we are all feeling. The second wave came like a tsunami, and it has touched every person we know. There are stories of families being wiped off, children being orphaned, loss of young friends and colleagues. Whether we admit it or not, we are all in mourning.

Out of Our Control

Many of us live life with goals and plans. We want to achieve things. Organizations do the same. Now we have seen the most well-laid out plans come to nothing. We have seen how much out of control we are. I have heard instances of people who did not step out of the house for a year and still were infected with COVID 19.

This loss of control, loss of predictability of life is making us question life itself. We have started questioning our drive, our ambition. We have started questioning our goals. What mattered in the past seems meaningless. A senior executive I am coaching, said to me, “Of what use is your money, your status, your network when ultimately, they all fail in the face of this disease? What is it that truly matters?”

Shift in Perspective

In that way, COVID19, has created transformation, in many people. For example, everyone who has had COVID, survived, and is still fighting the post-covid effects, like me, is looking at their body differently. Just a simple transformation in terms of valuing your body, your lungs breathing, getting 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep! Another level of transformation is that “Oh, I’ve survived! So, there must be a reason for that and what is life calling me to do now.”

The life of caregivers is shifting too. If their loved one has passed away, that grief itself has become a cause of a new kind of life, in some way or the other. It is making people reach out to others with a similar experience or to give back or to some spiritual awakening. Young widows are reaching within and searching for their empowered selves as they prepare themselves for life ahead. And if the loved one has survived, there is a newfound appreciation for the importance of their well-being. Nothing else seems to matter.

Activating Kindness

The collective suffering and grief has made people dig into themselves and find compassion and love. It has activated kindness inside us. Initially, the entire talk was about anger and blame to the government & to the ill-equipped system. Slowly, as we started seeing the mass pain, the narrative shifted. It transformed into “What can I do? Can I just sit on the side and watch this? Or do I have another role to play in this? I have suffered, but can I reduce someone else’s suffering? Can I impact in a small way?”

And it’s fascinating to see the way people have activated their kindness. They are volunteering, whether to get medicine or oxygen concentrators, setting up oxygen centers, catering food for covid ridden families, collecting funds for orphans, creating support groups, or helping widows find jobs. The community of life and leadership coaches that I am a part of, is helping people deal with their grief and mental well-being. In whatever way possible, people are channeling their compassion for practical outcomes. I think that’s the best gift of COVID 19. It has put us in touch with our humanity again.

Interconnectedness

We have changed the way we look at strangers. Strangers can help us, strangers are not to be avoided, and it has helped discover the interconnectedness of life. Just to give you an example, the day my oxygen levels started dropping, my brother’s friend’s wife, whom I have never met, sent her car to deliver an oxygen concentrator to my house. And then my sister-in-law’s school friend reached out and got us a bed in a hospital. My cousins who are doctors in USA reached out to the doctor community and there was a senior pulmonologist there, whom I don’t know, who was guiding my husband on my treatment plan both during and post my hospitalization.

How did this happen? Why did this set of complete strangers go so much out of their way to help another human being who they will probably never meet? I think this happened only because, we are all feeling interconnected. It is becoming okay to seek support and to offer it, without second- guessing. This collective experience has made us realize that we are all part of the same universe, the same humanity. We have been awakened from our stupor of disconnection and been made to see the common thread of life that runs through us.

Gratitude

Therefore, when I came back home from hospital, I marveled at the chain of events and the acts of kindness of so many people who are just strangers to me. I was filled with deep gratitude to life itself. Not only the gratitude of being alive but the gratitude of being inter-connected with all these people who in some way led to my getting better.

I don’t think that any covid survivor who went to the hospital, will ever be able to forget those nurses and doctors in PPE Kits in peak summer treating us and working 12hrs shift. Or all those guardian angels who prayed for us when we suffered. Or the ones, who worked in their factories during the pandemic to manufacture the life- saving medicines that were administered to us.

And I think if anyone, sufferer or caregiver, really closes their eyes and thinks about it, there will be a knowing, that things could have been much worse than they are right now and that itself creates a sense of deep gratitude. Living in gratitude is transformation too.

Yoshita Swarup Sharma:

Founder & CEO - A Brighter Life | ICF Certified Executive Coach | Leadership facilitator | NLP Practitioner| Inner Transformation Specialist

Yoshita Swarup Sharma, CEO & Co-Founder of A Brighter Life, is an internationally certified executive coach (PCC). For the last eleven years, she has coached several senior leaders and CXO across the variety of industries and organizations. Recently she was awarded as one of the most influential coaching leaders of India by the World HRD Congress. She's a leadership facilitator, advanced NLP Practitioner and a specialist on personal transformation. She writes her blog from her own experiences and reflections . She brings with her 23 years of overall work experience and has previously worked as a Marketing professional in corporates like Coca-Cola, Dabur and Ranbaxy She's also a Kathak student and co-founder of Subah, A Covid Widow support group

Contact Yoshita Swarup Sharma

Get in touch with us here

#yoshitaswarupsharma #abrighterlife #Leadership coaching #leadership effectiveness #leadership presence #leadership coach #Executive coaching #executive coach #executive presence

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spectral-musette · 3 years

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She touched his face, fingertips light along his temple, nails delicately scraping through the short beard on his cheeks, lingering on the cleft in his chin before resting on his mouth.

“I thought…” she began, but then choked on a soft sob as the tears began to run down her cheeks.

“I thought you would be angry,” he said instead, nuzzling his cheek against her hand and then kissing the palm.

“I am furious,” she assured him, tenderly. “I am incandescent with rage.” Her lips were against his, her breath uneven in his mouth.

Directly following the Deception arc (Clone Wars Season 4 episodes 15-18), Obi-Wan asks for Satine's forgiveness for letting her believe he was dead.

Just over 2000 words, M in AO3-style rating, probably part of a longer work if I can ever finish it and think of a title.

. . . . . . . . . .

Obi-Wan had not protested very much when Padme offered him the use of her family’s lakeside retreat in the aftermath of the attempted abduction of the Chancellor on Naboo. He had, however, expected a slightly more modest structure than the sprawling villa he’d found upon his arrival. Despite the droids on staff, the place seemed empty, hollow, as though it still echoed with the voices and laughter of a happy family. So fresh from his undercover work, he wasn’t sure isolation was the best remedy for his rumpled spirits after the ordeal, but arrangements had been made, and he supposed he could make the best of it for a few days.

In some ways, he was eager to leave Naboo. The memory of Qui-Gon’s death still cut like a keen-edged blade here. But perhaps that meant he should stay, to meditate on his old grief.

Painful as that prospect was, at least it sounded more surmountable than returning to a Temple that had been mourning him.

He’d have to, eventually. Anakin’s (justified) expression of betrayal and Ahsoka’s wounded demeanor still stung, and he didn’t look forward to repeating these painful scenes with other dear friends, with Luminara, or with Quinlan. But until the GAR red tape was untangled (at least a few days), he was still officially dead, and granted all the freedom of a wandering ghost.

He felt a little like the ghost of his old self after a quick swim as he climbed out of the lake onto the patio by the house. He sat heavily on the flagstones, still warm from the sun even as the stars were coming out. The constellations of Naboo seemed startlingly familiar considering the few times he’d seen them. The span of nearly 15 years felt short tonight. Perhaps it was the mere stubble of hair on his skull, shorter even than a padawan’s. Perhaps it was the ache of his old Master’s absence. He tried to ground himself in the present; as he toweled off his wet limbs, the ugly burn scars from his duel with Count Dooku shone pale in the moonlight, and his face still hurt from the dreadful biotech that had transformed him into the Mandalorian marksman.

It was always Mandalorians, wasn’t it? Proof that the Force possessed a sense of dramatic irony that the brethren of the woman to whom he’d lost his heart seemed to continually haunt him.

The guilt of it weighed like a stone on his chest. The mission had dragged on far too long for Satine not to have heard news of his apparent death. He had hoped it might all be resolved before… Well, it had been an unlikely hope, anyway. Padme almost certainly told her immediately.

There hadn’t been anything for it. To ask for permission to tell Satine the truth before the charade would’ve been tantamount to confessing his feelings for her. Had there only been the censure of the Council involved it might’ve been one thing, but any careless word to the Chancellor’s staff could’ve proven disastrous for Satine and the gossamer-fine line she walked to keep peace and authority on Mandalore. He’d been keeping her safe even as he wounded her.

Just like the old days, pulling her out of harm's way, or shielding her with his body.

Only this wasn’t an accidentally scraped knee or bruised arm. Perhaps it was vain of him to assume, but he knew how deeply she cared for him, how intense her feelings ran…

He’d tried composing a message to her so many times. Even still in the guise of Rako Hardeen, when he caught a moment’s rest, he’d gone over it in his mind, lulling himself into an uneasy sleep as he tried to find the words to ask her forgiveness.

In the end, a forthright Forgive me, was the best he could muster, hastily sent to her private channel as soon as he’d gotten access to a comm unit at the conclusion of the charade. If you’ll listen, I’ll try to explain, but nothing will excuse what I’ve put you through. Know that I am so very sorry.

She hadn’t replied. He checked the comm unit again as he pulled his undertunic over his head, the rough linen soaking up the last of the lake water on his back, seeing only his own message, stark and insufficient.

He didn’t blame her, truly.

He’d slept since sending it, through the afternoon, reveling a little in the luxury of resting when he felt tired, regardless of the local daytime cycles. And he dreamed in disjointed flashes, mostly of her… her grief, her melancholy, her ire… of the glint of tears on her dark gold eyelashes, the quaver of anger in her beloved voice.

He wasn’t sure if he ought to just sleep again, now that night was here. Weary as he was, he felt he could sleep for days.

He heard the door from the house to the patio open. He didn’t look immediately, as it seemed likely to be one of Padme’s droid caretakers, there to ask if he required food or clean linens. But there was no whirring of servos, and the footsteps on the flagstones sounded too soft. He caught a whiff of an achingly familiar floral scent just as he turned.

She must’ve been too much in his thoughts already, his mind too clouded with guilt and regret and weariness to clearly sense her presence.

But Satine stood, silhouetted by the dim illumination of the house, resplendent in the scarlet gown she’d worn the night they’d met in secret on Coruscant, though her hair was loose about her shoulders, pale and shimmering in the moonlight. For a moment she was utterly still, then she merely raised a hand to her mouth, stifling a soft gasp.

He scrambled to his feet, keenly aware that this was not the state in which he wished to appear before his lady. His trousers were still sopping, his undertunic open to the navel, and his hair had barely grown in longer than the stubble on his jaw. But her eyes were only on his, and shining with tears. She took a few steps towards him, then swayed a little. He lunged to catch her around the waist; the last thing she needed on top of all the rest of the suffering he’d caused her was bruised knees. She twined her arms around his neck, and his knees gave a slow surrender too, such that the pair of them sank to the flagstones, wrapped in each other’s arms.

She touched his face, fingertips light along his temple, nails delicately scraping through the short beard on his cheeks, lingering on the cleft in his chin before resting on his mouth.

“I thought…” she began, but then choked on a soft sob as the tears began to run down her cheeks.

“I thought you would be angry,” he said instead, nuzzling his cheek against her hand and then kissing the palm.

“I am furious,” she assured him, tenderly. “I am incandescent with rage.” Her lips were against his, her breath uneven in his mouth.

He tasted it in her kiss, a fleeting note of bitterness and sorrow amid the heady sweetness of her relief and joy, the fire of her desire.

“I am so very sorry,” he repeated, abject.

“Oh, I hope so,” she replied, breathless.

As usual, Satine had the last word, as neither of them could speak for some time after that.

. . . . . . . . . .

She lay on her side, half propped up on her elbow, her head against the pillow and her hair spread across it in a tangle of pale spun gold. The bedclothes were pooled around her waist, and he deeply felt the intimacy and vulnerability they shared in that moment. He thought this image of her would be vivid in his mind for the rest of his days, however long that might be: the pale morning light on her bare skin, her flushed cheeks, the glint of unshed tears in her eyes, the soft swell of her breasts with her sharp, uneven breaths as she tried not to cry again.

Finished with his abridged account of the awful ordeal, he reached out to run the backs of his fingers along her arm.

“Say something,” he begged.

She sat up a little more, her hair falling across her face as she wrapped her arms around herself and turned away from him.

“It might be… easier to accept, if you’d done it for the sake of someone … worthy of all this pain. To protect Anakin or Ahsoka or Padme or…”

“Satine, I can’t decline a mission to protect the Chancellor simply because I dislike the man.”

“It isn’t a matter of dislike. There’s something… so… wicked about him. Manipulative and scheming. Don’t say it’s because he tried to put troops on Mandalore, and don’t you dare say it’s because he’s a politician.” She turned back to him, her gaze challenging.

“No,” he agreed prudently. “I won’t say that. I don’t disagree with you. He’s been a mentor to Anakin and to Padme for as long as I’ve known him, but I can’t help thinking it’s always been somehow for his own benefit. He steered Padme to get himself elected in the first place, and his grip on the office has been white-knuckled since. I can’t very well blame him for the war, but despite his lipservice towards peaceful resolution, the GAR keeps swelling its ranks.”

“I’ll blame him. Unfortunately, there’s no evidence to confirm it aside from my gut feeling.”

He placed a hand on her waist, his thumb tracing around her navel. “I’ve learned to trust your gut feelings. But dislike him, distrust him or not, my duty is to the Republic.”

He started to pull his arm back, but she gripped it by the elbow. He slid his hand to the small of her back, pulling her closer.

“What of your duty to me?” Her voice was quiet, but not without a note of beskar.

“Is it duty?” he asked. “I thought it was love.”

“Perhaps it’s very Mandalorian of me,” she said, “that we hold our most sacred duties to be to those we love.”

“Satine, I cannot put my devotion to you above the will of the Council or the good of the Republic. Not while I serve the Jedi Order.”

He almost expected her to pull away in anger or distress, but she shifted closer, pressing her face against his shoulder. “I know that. I’ve always known that. But it hasn’t hurt like this before.”

“Not since I left?” he suggested, burying his face in her hair and holding her tightly.

“No. Not even then. It wasn’t losing you, it was letting you go. This was… like I had died too.”

The guilt of it made his stomach turn. “I am so sorry, Satine. If there had been time to find another way… to spare you this…”

“The worst of it is that you knew how it would hurt me,” she accused. “And you still did it.”

“I knew,” he confirmed, regretful. “The Chancellor insisted on knowing everyone who was privy to the plan, and I had no time to even find the opportunity to disobey. I thought… the risk of revealing that you should be told…”

She let out a breath, hot against his skin.

“I think I’d have much rather run that risk than think you were dead.”

“If I’d had time to think it through, perhaps I’d have decided differently. But everything was snap decisions, and my instinct was to protect you.”

“And I can’t even be angry at you for that.”

“Of course you can be angry,” he soothed.

“Oh, what good does it do?” she demanded, lifting her head, fair brow furrowed. “Just wasting time quarreling when we have so little time together anyway.”

“Then you forgive me?” he asked humbly, kissing her forehead.

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly, stroking his cheek. “I know that I still want you, though.”

“Then I am yours,” he promised, kissing her fingertips.

“At least it’s not an offense that’s very likely to be repeated,” she reflected, shaking her head a little.

“Not very,” he agreed.

“I feel like I ought to extract some promise… some penance. But I expect you’ve punished yourself enough.”

He closed his eyes, leaning his head back. “The thing itself was terrible too. Not that I’m suggesting that what I went through can compare to-”

“Hush, darling,” she scolded. “It can be terrible on its own.”

“Sometimes I thought my death might end up not being a lie after all,” he said softly.

“Do you want to tell me?” she asked, her fingertips light across his brow.

He shook his head. No, he didn’t want to see how it would pain her, to think of him in danger, forced to behave as an utter villain. “Not now. Not more than I already have.”

She kissed him then, deep and ardent. “Then forget, for a while,” she said, breathless, her lips still brushing his. “Let me forget again. Make me forget.”

She hitched her leg around him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he shifted onto her, into the blissful oblivion where she was the center of the universe and the Force sang in resonance with their love.

#Obi Wan/Satine #obitine #Star Wars fic #Clone Wars fic #I wrote a thing #long post #Obi Wan Kenobi #Satine Kryze #guys I am so bad at titles #I have been trying to write something about this for ages

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3rdgymbros · 3 years

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— title; why are you full of rage? because you are full of grief.

— pairing; crepus ragnvindr x reader (platonic diluc ragnvindr x reader)

— summary; in which you avenge your husband, but find that your grief does not abate

— notes; reader is implied to be a former harbringer

Your husband is dead.

One son is broken, the other has been scattered to the winds.

Diluc refuses to tell you where Kaeya has vanished to, and his face is a visage of such dark tragedy and pain whenever you bring up his brother’s name that you’ve stopped asking him all together.

You hover in the doorway, watching your son fall into an unreachable sleep. You can hear Diluc muttering as he stirs under the sheets, but you can’t reach him. You can’t reach anyone. It feels like you’re drowning. The waves spin you over and over until you don’t know which way is up.

Your family is wilting like your garden, the bright, fragrant blooms now withering away before your eyes. You had tended to it together with Crepus, and now, wrapped up in the throes of grief, it goes neglected. You can’t bear to return to it. You can feel his presence stronger there than anywhere else. You remember colour and the scent of flowers and grass and dirt. Most of all, you remember placing your hands over his to guide them as you planted seeds and patted damp earth over them. Now, it’s a ghost of a place, now filled with ghosts of its own, and you don’t know how to revive them. You don’t know what to do.

No.

That’s not quite true.

You might be Crepus’ wife, and he’s managed to temper your sharpened edges, absolved the sins staining your hands with nothing but love and tenderness, but you’d also been the Tsaritsa’s Harbinger, and whether you like it or not, she’s had a hand in shaping you into a weapon of war as well.

At your command, the woods begin to whisper, the Vision clasped to your wrist now glowing a bright, poisonous green. The vines hanging on the trees bend to your every whim, curling and unfurling from the trunks of trees and from the brambles like bent, crooked fingers. These vines now wrap around the neck of the struggling Fatui agent, his garbled pleas for mercy the only sounds breaking the cool silence of the night air.

Anger clouds your vision, betraying your expression carved from ice. Where was the mercy he had shown your husband and son? Your pain, your rage, your despair – you use all of that, channelling your grief into muscle tension and a glare, willing him the very pain he’d inflicted onto your family. In response, the vines coil even tighter around his throat, his voice gradually fading away, until it too is swallowed up by the silence.

You leave his body to be consumed by the woods.

You walk back home, one slow, laboured step at the time. The first pincers of early morning light are needling open the sky. The cold wraps itself around your skin, caressing your sides and shoulders like hands. Droplets of rain pelt down like tiny shards of shrapnel, ricocheting in all directions, hitting your velvet cloak and flecking it with the damp.

A poor replacement for warm arms wrapping themselves around your body, his kisses raining over you like stars.

You’ve expected the raw heat of your agony to abate after the execution of your husband’s murderer, but it hasn’t. It just makes it worse; searing through your body and robbing you of your breath. Pain splinters through your chest as you shatter. Your heart withers and cracks, falling in pieces around you.

You brush your fingers across the golden band of your wedding ring, and you slip it off. It feels cold in your hand. “You really aren’t returning to me, are you?”

Your only answer is silence.

#crepus ragnvindr x reader #diluc ragnvindr x reader #genshin impact #gi #genshin #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact imagine #genshin impact headcanon #genshin impact reader inserts #genshin impact reader insert #genshin impact headcanons #♥ || sam writes.

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cacoetheswriting · 3 years

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hell or high water

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader warnings: angst, possible tfatws spoilers, swearing, dealing with emotions / comforting, mutual pining, a lil fluff, & mentions of john walker [yes, i’m adding that as a warning] word count: 1.5k summary: unexpected, and rather devastating news, bring you and bucky together.

The calm before the storm - a period of unusual tranquillity and stability that often foreshadowed grave and difficult times.

The calm before the storm. That’s how you would describe what was happening during this moment, as you propped yourself up on the chair, silently observing Bucky for any sort of reaction to the breaking headline currently being shared on every single news channel.

John Walker. The new Captain America.

Bucky’s face was blank, although by now you’ve gotten to know him well enough to understand what the expression, or lack thereof, meant. He was irritated - no - he was fucking pissed. And truthfully, he had every right to be.

“I liked that what I was doing would make people feel safe. Steve Rogers was the kind of guy who could do that, he gave me hope. Even though I never met him, he feels like a brother.” John Walker’s voice sounded through the shitty speakers.

Bucky’s heart sank at the words. He smacked his lips together and exhaled.

“Hey, uhm… are you okay?” You asked in a hushed tone, eyes glued to the side of his face, nervously chewing down on your bottom lip. It was a really stupid question since you already knew the answer. Of course he wasn’t okay. Far from it, actually. In your eyes however, it was always better to check anyway.

Especially since the man sitting on the cool ground only an arms length away from you wasn’t one to open up freely.

Bucky grunted in response, followed by a deep sigh.

“Just… peachy.” He huffed, before switching the tv off and sliding a hand down his face, wiping away any lone tears that may have escaped.

His response caused your heart to clench inside of your chest. You wanted to ease any pain the unexpected news caused him, but you weren’t exactly sure how. You felt extremely helpless, and from where you sat you could tell he was feeling the exact same - however, for different reasons.

His powerlessness was primarily fueled by anger.

And Bucky was aware the dangerous emotions circulating through his veins was undoubtedly stemming from heartbreak. Sorrow for everything he lost. Grief for the only family he had left.

Prior to meeting you, Steve was the only person that accepted him for who he was. Cherished him despite the many flaws and mistakes he’s made over the years. The only person in this whole damn universe who could easily separate him from his dark and troubled past. The only person who didn’t just see him as The Winter Soldier, a ruthless killing machine.

No.

Prior to meeting you, Steve was the only person who truly and earnestly believed Bucky was a good person.

And now Bucky had to witness Captain America being formally replaced. As if Steve Rogers was nothing. As if he meant nothing.

Which is why, as the dark-haired man stared at his own hollow reflection in the blank television screen, he was glad you entered his life when you did.

His gaze trailed to the outline of your silhouette and a small smile circled his lips. Knowing that you were here for him. Knowing that it was no longer only Steve who wholeheartedly believed he was genuine and kind… He felt better.

You could see him looking at you through the black display. You could see the miniscule smile present on his features, and you couldn’t help but return the expression.

Soon enough you were up on your feet, gracefully moving from the rather uncomfortable chair to the even more uncomfortable floor next to Bucky. You placed your head on his shoulder and his whole body instantly relaxed at your proximity, at your gentle and soothing touch. His eyes locked with yours through the monitor and you could clearly make out the gratitude, the adoration.

Yes. For a brief moment, a split second, Bucky felt better.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled, bringing your knees closer to your chest and wrapping one arm tightly around to hold them in place. “I’m sorry this is happening. I know it’s not what you wanted, and… I know it’s now what Steve wanted.”

“Don’t apologise.” Bucky was quick to contravene.

You just shrugged, your head still resting against him. “Well, the people that made this decision, the people that should apologise most definitely won’t, and it seems like something you need to hear. A simple apology.”

He huffed lightly, once again feeling grateful he had someone like you to ground him. God, if you weren’t here… No. No. He stopped himself and shook the disturbing thoughts away. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because you were here, and you weren’t going anywhere.

He swallowed.

But he was. He had no other choice.

“I- uh… I need to go, y/n. I need to find Sam. I need to talk to him and get some answers.”

“I know.” You stated simply, however there was a detectable hint of sadness in the tone of your voice. Bucky picked up on it immediately and he shifted in his position, so that he was now looking down at you.

His gaze burned into the side of your skull, lip quivering as he searched his mind for what to say next because he hated this. Hated it came to this. And you hated it too.

You began to feel guilty. If you weren’t in his life, he wouldn’t have this problem. He wouldn’t have you to worry about. He wouldn’t need to explain himself. There would be nothing holding him back.

Fuck, you thought, life was just starting to get easier.

Swallowing the growing lump at the back of your throat, you mustered up enough courage to face him. The amiable look in his eyes caused the butterflies in your stomach to flutter momentarily.

“But you’ll come back.” It wasn’t a request. It was a fact. Corners of your lips twirled into a timid smile, yet all Bucky could focus on were the tears you were trying really hard to fight back.

Slowly, he nodded his head. How could he not come back? All you did these last few months was make him a little bit happier. He could only dream to one day return the favour, because as smart as Bucky Barnes was, he had no idea he already made you the happiest you’d ever been.

“I’ll come back.” He reassured.

“Alive.”

He chuckled softly before repeating, “Alive.”

Lifting your hand, you tenderly brushed your fingers down his cheek and across his jawline. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that he leaned into your touch. It shouldn’t have, but it did. Because as you held his face in the palm of your hand while he studied every inch of yours, the uncertainty of when you would see each other again gradually settling in, you realised you’ve never been this close to one another.

You thought perhaps you should pull back, that this was a little too close for comfort, but you found yourself unable to move. Frozen. Completely captivated by the handsome man situated in front of you.

It should have felt weird, the intimacy of the moment. It should have felt weird. Why, why didn’t it feel weird? Bucky was your neighbour. He was your friend. There was nothing else to your relationship. Nothing… more.

But as you stared deeply into his eyes, taking note of the warm expression he was presenting as he continued to scan your face, the air hitched in your throat.

It felt natural.

Bucky sensed it too. He sensed the change in the atmosphere around the two of you. Unfamiliar, yet not unwelcoming. Quite the opposite actually. It drew him in. He found himself slowly leaning in, and like a magnet, you followed suit.

When his mouth eventually slanted over yours, your heart skipped a beat.

The kiss was gentle at first, as if Bucky was indicating you could stop him at any given time, if you wanted too. It wouldn’t take much to push him away and end this now. But you didn’t want to stop him. Instead, you closed your eyes at the desirable sensation igniting every single cell in your body.

Any boundary the two of you had previously unspokenly set was crossed, broken. However, it didn’t seem to matter to either of you.

The hand previously cupping Bucky’s cheek, was now gripping at his hair. Both of his hands were now holding your waist - not applying too much pressure, but making it known that they were there.

You wanted to comment how he very rarely touched you with his metal arm, always weary that he may somehow hurt you, and now he was latched onto you in a way that suggested he would never let you go, but his tongue wound its way between your parted lips, breaking you away from your thoughts.

After what felt like a blissful eternity, you pulled away simultaneously. Equally flushed and equally breathless. Smiling at one another like a couple of love-struck idiots.

“Hmm.. We can continue this when you’re back.” You whispered against his puffed lips, before pecking them softly.

Bucky smirked. He lifted his right arm and gently brushed loose strands of your hair behind your ear. “Don’t you worry, y/n.” He began, “Come hell or high water, I’ll definitely be back.”

masterlist

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x female reader #james buchanan barnes #james barnes #marvel fanfiction

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anaiswriterr · 4 years

Text

For the sake of our relationship

Pairing: Fem!ProHeroReader x Hawks

Rating: M

Authors Note: This story contains subjects that may not be suitable for a younger audience, warning: Blood, fighting, swearing, the word rape is used and sexual content. This is an angst story. Inspired from the story, “I’m your Salvation.” Also the readers quirk is: Electricity, you can control electricity. Hero name: Elytra. Also this story is extremely long!

Synopsis: When Y/N loses her quirk and possibly her career all in one day, she’s faced with hard decisions, and grief. Keigo just wants to help but what if you just don’t want his help? Will the relationship crumble?

He didn’t know if it were the cuts, scrapes, burns, gashes and the deep dark bruises that covered your body, that shook him to the core. Or if it were the ventilator that was placed in your throat that made him boil and shake in his seat in anger.

His lips pressed into a thin line, rubbing the tears that spilled over his cheeks away every few minutes. His uncontrollable sobs that shook his body, and the constant whispers of encouragement he’d give to you through his choked sobs.

“Come on kid, just fight it.”

He held onto your hand, rubbing over the bruise on your wrist lightly, waiting for you to wake up. His teary eyes wondered all over your beaten body and landed on your neck. A large imprint of a hand was bruised, painting the area in black and blue, the cuts all over your face only made him want to go out and find whoever did this to you.

You had been gone on a mission for only a couple of weeks, saying, “Stop worrying, I’ll come back home like normal and you’re gonna see how silly you were.” You’d teased, sticking out your tongue at him and kissing him goodbye. He knew the work you two did was dangerous, sometimes one of you would come in the early hours of the morning with bruises and cuts that weren’t there the other night. And sometimes it’d be burn marks and for him shorter wings. But he never knew it’d be like this, to the point you were in a hospital room fighting for your life after a mission that went horribly wrong. Nobody had word of the incident, and the Hero Commission would make sure of that till you were fully healed.

It only made Keigo angrier. The fact that they only thought of your return, and jumping right back into hero work.. Not giving a damn if you were just holding on by just a thread. Life was different now. It had been now, two weeks since you were admitted into the hospital. Keigo would only leave your side to shower and come back, dismissing all his hero work and leaving it to his sidekicks; instructing them to only call him if it’s absolutely necessary.

He’d only hope that he wouldn’t have to leave. Your state had only seemed to worsen, it was later when a doctor had come in to discuss an important and life changing conversation with Keigo.

There was one word that rung continuously in his brain, one word that made him sit down.

“Quirkless.”

***

You wished you were dead.

You wished your body would’ve given out and that you would’ve died. Not wake up in a lifeless hospital, with guilt rushing over your body. Staring lifelessly at the blank ceiling, you woke up after another week of being admitted into the hospital. You didn’t cry, you didn’t mutter not even a single word.

Your voice wouldn’t let you.

It was hoarse and raw, your body ached and throbbed and yet you still didn’t cry. You couldn’t, they’d dwell but wouldn’t fall

You didn’t even acknowledge your longtime boyfriend Keigo; sitting there.

‘What kinda hero am I if I couldn’t even save those people?’

The screaming and yelling, the sound of innocent children being slaughtered. It was your fault, you couldn’t save them.

And now it appears you can’t ever save people.

When the doctor informed you about no longer having your quirks you remained lifeless, laying your body right back down and turning to face the wall.

“Leave.” You mumbled.

“Babe, you need to listen he’s-“

You gripped at your pillow even tighter, “Tell him to get the fuck out! Or I’ll tell you too next!” You shouted into the pillow, not looking at his hurt expression. He looked towards the Doctor, with an apologetic look. And returned back to sitting next to you, watching you. It was the first time you expressed something, it was cruel.

Innocent people died and now you’re quirkless? You don’t even know how, it was all so fast. So was it a sick game, to be forever punished. But you guess you deserved it, karma after all.

You haven’t spoken a single word to Keigo, not wanting to face him as the ‘Pro hero who couldn’t do her job.’ It was shameful. Embarrassing to even be linked with him. He was perfect, like an angel. And you were just like the rest of the hero’s who burnt up too fast.

***

You were discharged a week after, with an assortment of prescriptions and medications. Even creams for the deep scars on your body.

Keigo insisted the first thing you should do was take a bath when you got home, he was helpful. Making sure you were all set to go and even brought you clothes for when you were finally discharged, your attitude towards him remained the same:

Cold and quiet.

It was like radio silence between you two, with slight static from his end as he’d try to reach with with kind eyes and soft kisses. But like a painting, you remain the same.

When you two got home he quickly helped you inside by grabbing your bicep. And closing the door behind you with a small kick, “Let’s get you out of these clothes.” He says softly, but you wave him off.

“I can do it myself, I’ll take a shower tomorrow.” You argued back, but his grip only got stronger. He arches a brow, you instantly decided to let him help you this once. You nod, and make your way to the bedroom. He grabs you a pair of panties, and a nightgown.

Seeing at it was a more comfortable option, and would make it helpful to change your bandages without having to strip you.

He later sat you on the toilet and ran the hot water of the bath, making sure to add your favorite scented bubble bath soap. You smiled weakly, for the first time at him.

He kneels down in front of you, and pulls your shirt off and pants, his glorious wings touch the tile floor beneath him. He strips the rest of your clothing off and helps you in the bath, washing your body off with its hot water.

He leans down to kiss your forehead, “You okay?” He asks, pouring water over your hair and scrubbing it gently with his fingertips unto your scalp with the shampoo. You don’t answer, but instead grab a handful of bubbles in your hands. Blowing them away, he pours more water over your head; and scrubs your back.

The cuts and gashes burned in the water, but the sensation gave a small calming effect, it was something you could finally feel.

Keigo is mindful of the wounds and only goes over them gently, cleaning off the area like instructed; earning a small hiss from you as you lean forwards in pain.

“I know it hurts kid, but you're gonna have to endure for just a little while longer.”

He continued to clean you off, and suddenly you felt a wave of emotions.

Here it is, the after shock had finally dissipated and here it was, your emotions. “Keigo..” you finally say his name after so long, he stops, “Yes Angel?”

“A-Are they really gone?”

He didn’t know if you were asking about the people or your quirks, but one thing is certain, it was still the same answer. He nodded.

“Yes.” He simply says.

A tear escapes your eye, and then another, till eventually you’re full out bawling in the bathroom tub.

Keigo is smart enough to know that anything he says, or does can not bring you back what was lost. And it killed him, so all he did was simply hold you, your wet hand gripping onto his forearm and sobbed. He knew nothing he could say would help you, so he did the next best thing:

He sat down, and took it. He remained quiet, and did not bring up the situation any longer: even going as far as to shield you away from hero related stuff, and would only take missions at night. Even making sure the TV was never on the news channel.

He’d help you out of the bath and would help put back your clothes on, you cleared your throat when you noticed his eyes wandering on the wound near your gut for too long. You hated how he looked at you like some sort of sick child, you hated the way he’d constantly treat you like a porcelain teacup. He aided with your bandages and helped you towards the bed; still not uttering a single word to each other.

He just wrapped you in the warm sheets and left you with a blanket that smelled like him, remembering the silly arguments you’d two would get in when he cleaned the old thing.

Arguing, “Now you have to sleep with it cause it doesn’t smell like you anymore.” But of course he’d smile back at you and oblige to the order.

Now it has just provided you the small comfort of better times, he tucked you in and handed you the remote. He leans down, wiping the last of your tears with his calloused thumbs and glancing at you with a sad smile.

“I’ll be in the kitchen making dinner, I’ll be up in a few.” He said weakly, before standing up and heading towards the door. But you reached out for his hand, catching it at the last second. The movement made you wince, but you needed to say it.

“I love you, Keigo.”

He deserved to hear it, he needed to hear it after weeks of radio silence.

“I love you too, songbird.”

***

The relationship wasn’t always the healthiest, before losing your quirks the two of you would never raise your voices at one another, and swore to never lay a hand on one another. You two swore at the beginning of the relationship, that if you guys had a problem or if something was bothersome then you’d speak out about it.

But of course, even after being together for three years and seeing each other rise to be the hero’s you were today; the two of you found different sides of one another; sides neither of you knew existed. You never realized how scary and intimidating Hawks could be; you never realized how his eyes could darken and narrow as if a real Hawk would watch its prey. A warning sign as he glared at you from across the room.

And he never realized how cruel you could be, just how your words could cut so deep. People say behind angry voices, lies a little bit of truth behind it. Even when you said you didn’t mean it; he also never realized how quick you were to anger.

Not even a week after you left the hospital, the relationship felt like the two of you were walking on eggshells. Yelling at one another, as you poured the pills down the sink. He grabbed your bruised hand roughly, and turned off the faucet.

It was early in the morning, too early for him to even fight, he thought.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He looks at you sternly, and then at the empty pill bottles you had successfully drained.

You remained quiet, too weak and tired. Lately all you felt was anger, you barely left the bedroom the both of you shared and you’d push away Keigo when he attempted to feed you. Turning your body around to not face him, “I’m not hungry.” You mumbled.

You return back to reality, his sigh of disappointment bringing you back.

“You can’t keep doing this! This I won’t allow, just talk to me? What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours. You won’t talk to me, unless we’re arguing, you won’t eat, you won’t let me touch you. You have to talk to me, I can’t keep playing this game where you ignore your feelings and emotions and just push me to the side. I’m trying to help you-”

You interrupt him with a laugh, his soft eyes turn dark, he hated when you mocked him.

“That’s the problem Keigo. You’re helping is just a reminder of how fucking useless I am. You treat me like I’m glass, I know you do your hero work at night. You don’t have to hide it away from me. We get it, poor little Y/N, right? I never asked for your help.”

His grip on your wrist tightens; he looks down before glancing back up at you.

His gaze on your E/C eyes hardens, “Fine.”

***

He left you for the rest of the day, cooling off from the argument and leaving you too cool off as well. It was the first time he has left in the daylight since you were discharged. You only sat in the living room, wrapped in your blanket watching TV. Segments of heroes speeches came on, and all you could do was stare aimlessly at the silver screen.

The announcement was made public that you won’t be able to come back to the hero scene, explaining all the details of the incident.

The Commission already had you booked with interviews with the press. But how could talk to them when all they’ll do is remind you of your failures as a hero.

Like they didn’t care that you were grieving, that you weren’t the same anymore and here you are being forced to fake a smile and laugh it off as if this job meant nothing to you. Years of training to be perfect, the people you’ve saved, the people you had to kill, the families you reunited; it suddenly meant nothing.

‘I have no reason to be here anymore.’

What was the point of living if you weren’t the same anymore, you have nothing to lose.

***

Keigo came back in the dead of night, his lips pressed into a fine line as he wiped the look of tiredness off his face, he noticed your body laying out on the couch, your hair draped over the pillows; he crouches down in front of you. Noticing an even darker bruise on your wrist, he cringed at the memory of his tight grasp.

He never meant to hurt you.

He came back with the pills you threw away, he realized without your painkillers and antibiotics that your healing process would be even more grueling. And he refused to watch. No matter how much you spit, hit, and cry; you have to take it.

***

He had finally had enough.

Another two weeks passed and here you guys were, again, fighting in the kitchen. His voice rising even louder than yours, and his eyes narrow in warning. Your eyes water, and your voice trembles.

“Just talk to me! Please!” He begs, he pleads.

You stare at him blankly, and try to feel something. But there’s nothing, there’s no feeling anywhere in your body. You pull at the sleeve of your sweatshirt.

“I-I can’t.”

He tilts his head in confusion, “I don’t know how..”

***

“After running multiple tests and asking Y/N Y/L/N an assortment of questions, it appears that you,” The doctor in the room turns to look at your blank face, she looks at you apologetically, “Are showing signs of depression. Now there are treatments, and I’ll prescribe you some medication to help aid her during the healing process. But I do suggest therapy, and just talking more. Surround yourself with positivity.”

Keigo nods and thanks the doctor before she leaves the two of you alone to discuss the options.

He stares at the variety of pamphlets stacked in his hand, sorting through them. “We’re gonna fix this, bird. You just gotta help me help you.” He glances at you hoping for a reaction, but you shrug. “A new pill to add to the loads that I already take.” You say sarcastically, shrugging your shoulders, “Yay me.”

***

The relationship had its ups and down, there were times when you’d let Keigo help you, you’d also apologize for treating him poorly, But he’d just brush you off with a kiss and a simple sentence, “I’m here till the end, angel.”

The little blue pill had seemed to help.

For the first month, that is.

But slowly, oh so painfully slowly, you went back to your old post-accident bitchy no emotion self. Keigo would drop you off at therapy and pick you up to drop you off back home.

But like all good things come to an end, the somewhat normal life you were finally starting to settle into shattered, you were made to go to interviews and you’d come home crying. You were completely gone and empty. You and Kiego stopped having sex (though the last time was the night before you left for your mission), that bothered him the most. Not you not wanting him, it was your urge to be as far away from him as possible, not letting him even touch you.

It hurt the Pro Hero.

Seeing as you no longer wished to even look at him; the love he had held onto slowly dissipated as time went on; like two ghosts living in an apartment full of memories.

***

You looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror, noticing all the deep cuts that once scattered your skin were finally all healing, turning into light scars and the bruises were finally gone. It was as if it never happened, you sigh and turn on the shower. Setting it to the hottest setting.

Keigo was out at work again, and you still haven’t talked to him. It ate away inside of you, it felt like you no longer had control of your body and it’s emotions.

‘Was it the pills?’ You thought, the doctor informed you of the possible side effects and this was definitely one of them. But you couldn’t just stop taking them, the last time you tried to throw them away it ended bad.

You entered the shower and allowed the hot water to fall off your shoulders.

There was something you were depriving him of.

And you knew what it was.

You haven’t touched him. You haven’t talked to him.

The words I love you, haven’t left your mouth in such a long time it felt like you were forcing yourself to feel something that you couldn’t feel.

He stopped trying after a while longer, and would leave before you could wake up and came home when you were asleep. It was now a routine that he had grown accustomed to.

You wash your body with the raging thought that rushed to your brain, ‘maybe if I try.. tonight. I can’t get some sort of feeling.’ You forced.

You rinse off the soap and dry yourself with your towel. Changing into a nightgown and making your way to your bedroom.

You waited for Keigo to come back home.

***

You could hear the shower head turn on and the door close shut behind him. Only briefly seeing his winged silhouette in the dark, you turned to face the door that connected your room to the bathroom. You say up and wait for him to come out, Keigo never took long showers, unless the two of you were showering together.

Which hasn’t happened in awhile.

He came out after a ten minute shower, in loose sweat pants and white tank. His wings falling behind him, dragging against the tile.

He stood at the doorway when he noticed your eyes on him. He cleared his throat and refused to share eye contact with you. He couldn’t look at the shell of the woman he had so desperately fallen in love for, he could feel his heartbeat rattle against his chest.

“Why are you up kid. It’s late.” He finally said, glancing up towards you.

Your body is numbed by his glance, but you ignore it. It was worth a try, you had to see if what you had was still there or if it was long gone by now.

He cocks his head to the right and relaxes his gaze, “What's wrong?”

You remain quiet and only look at him. You point a finger at him, and curl it towards your direction.

“C-Can you come here, please.” You whisper, he nods and slowly walks towards you, his strides are smaller than usual. His look is cautious, when he gets to the edge of the bed you get on your knees and scoot towards him. Wrapping your arms around his neck, and gazing into his eyes. You feel his hands slowly make their way to your hips, giving them a gentle squeeze.

He looks down at the sheets, and then back at you.

“What do you need?” He asks. Eyes almost asking permission to touch you, you push aside the feeling of disgust with yourself.

“You.”

***

Your leg hooked onto his waist loosely as he pumped in and out of you, what you feared was real. It wasn’t the same anymore, it felt like nothing.

The love behind it didn’t even feel like it existed. It just felt like you were having sex to get it over with it.

He groans into your shoulder. Shuddering on top of you, his forearms barricade your sides. Your arm hooks over his back, with each stroke you scrunch your nose staring blanking at the ceiling over you.

“Ouch.” You say quietly.

It hurt more than usual.

You yanked hard on his feathers, causing him to duck his head into your shoulder, “Don’t do that.” He warned.

His pace increased and all you let out were small groans, still yanking at his feathers, your head up in the cloud, ignoring the annoying thoughts that floated in your head.

His thrusts abruptly stop, “What the fuck are you doing?” He asks.

You ignore his question, and let out another groan. Pulling again at his wings, “Okay! Stop, what the fuck are you exactly doing? You don’t wanna have sex?”

You stare blankly at him, and pull him closer with your legs. “S-Stop! No I’m not gonna do this! I’m not gonna do this when you clearly don’t want too.”

Again, you ignore him and try again, this couldn’t be happening. Did you really stop loving Keigo to the point your body was physically rejecting him, refusing to be aroused at the mere simplistic action that had before had you screaming out his name so loud the neighbors could it.

You raise your hips before being met with a stern gaze and hands now pinning you to the bed.

“Y/N stop!” He yelled, “What do you want me to do? Rape you? I’m not doing this. No, I wanna make love to you, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Everything.

Your body finally allows you to look at his dark golden eyes, he was angry. And rightfully so, your body just finished telling him you didn’t love him anymore. And here you were trying to act like it wasn’t a big deal when it was.

You hit him first, your hands slam against his bare chest. “Fuck you.” You spat.

“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! Why can’t you ever just do something without having to ask so many damn questions huh! I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I was trying to see if I still loved you!” You yelled, he slams your body into the mattress, “So you decided the best idea was to see if I could still fuck you right? Huh? You wanted me to use you even though you’re clearly in pain! Is that how you like it? When I hurt you!” He yelled, his grip on your wrist loosening and letting you go. His feathers bring you back your underwear and nightgown from the floor as his other feather brings back his clothing.

After he quickly puts back his clothes on he turns to face you, “Honestly Y/N, the last thing I’d ever wanna do to you is hurt you. In any way shape or form, I understand you are still grieving but now you’re just being cruel. You want me to be the bad guy so bad don’t you? Fine, your wish is my command.” He glares, picking up the rest of his stuff and leaving for the night.

***

You stopped referring Keigo to his name and started referring to him as Hawks.

Just like he stopped acknowledging your existence at all, you followed in suit. He decided that the two of you should have space; for the sake of your relationship you agreed. Though, it would’ve been easier just to break up.

But you knew it had to be done, your body physically was rejecting Hawks. Your mind was now thinking for its own and you had no control, all the memories somehow mysterious meant nothing to you.

Now all the times the two of you would share a rare shower, have living room dance parties, eat dinner together on the balcony. The talks of the two of you possibly even starting a family before seemingly slipped your mind and the ring he fingered in his pocket still sat in a velvet box hidden from view.

It was all crashing down. It’s been barely four months and now you lost your quirk, your relationship was in shambles, the pills you took seemingly increased the more you talked to your therapist, and now you sat in the living room looking for apartments across the city and far away from him.

Eventually you found a match, it was the perfect size so you decided to place a down payment on it and move as soon as possible. He came back to the apartment before you moved out, he avoided you, but sometimes you’d catch the sense of his eyes wandering over you.

You packed your bags, folded your clothes, and took everything that was yours.

“Look, I just think, if we weren’t in the same place and took time for ourselves we could.. be better.” You said, scratching the back of your neck sheepishly as he eyed you down as if you were prey from the end of the hall. He crosses his arms over his chest, “Do you still love me?” He asked curtly. It was a simple yes or no question, he needed to know, the timer was running out.

You wanted to simply say no, not anymore. Because then that would be the truth, but your body wouldn’t let you say it. You look at the coffee table, and see a picture frame of the two of you, “I-I don’t know Hawks.” Your grip tightens on your suitcases handle.

“Do you still love me?” You ask. Gripping your suitcase even tighter. “I don’t know, either.” He sighs, a sad smile paints his face. His eyes water as he looks down to the tile floor, his hands deep into the pockets of his sweatpants. It was an intimate moment for the two of you, filled with raw emotion. You were given the privilege to see Hawks in such vulnerable moments for the past three years despite his training, when it was about you, he'd drop all the walls he built just for you.

You couldn’t help but wipe a tear yourself, it was a confusing time for you. He glances up at you, glossy eyes sparkling in the light. “I don’t really want to do this.”

You nod, and hold in a choke sob, “This is just as hard for me as it is for you, but we need time apart. We need to be separate for a while and see new people. I-I hate the idea-“

“So why are we doing this!”

You sigh, “Because, we can't even look at each other without raising our voices. I wanted to be able to love you the way you need to be loved, and for three years I did.”

You look down towards your feet, chewing your bottom lip.

“I loved you more than anything, Hawks. But right now. We shouldn’t be together.”

Keigo doesn’t face you, he crosses his arms over his chest. “So that’s it? We’re breaking up?We’re separating.”

“Yes.”

He shrugs as his hand goes to cover his mouth, his lips pressing into a line, he sends feathers to open the front door and help you with your bags. They follow you to the front door and out, Hawks gives you one last look from the doorway, and waves you goodbye.

***

It had been three months since your move to the new apartment, and you saw improvements in your life. You attended therapy and soon dropped all your pills, noticing you didn’t need them anymore since you were physically healed.

After much pleading and much needed talking, you finally were able to slowly get off the antidepressants. Your therapist had made a discovery as to why you may have been having erratic mood changes, the hero commission had still paid your therapy and bills and eventually you were given a job to teach at UA High as a science teacher (due to your incredible skills and hands on learning from your quirk, and besides it came naturally to you), you were also teaching kids how to master their quirks, joining the group of teachers that would teach the next generation of heroes.

Life was starting to get back on track, you even bought a dog. It was out of the spur of the moment, you decided to adopt a little dog and named it Birby after walking by the nearby shelter and seeing him wag his tail in joy, attempting to grab your attention.

Hawks would occasionally pay a visit to you, and catch up. The two of you decided that during the separation it would be best to at least make time to see each other one day out of the week.

He’d stop by every Thursday during your lunch break, he helped you grade papers and even met your dog when he came over to your apartment. Which ended with him playing on the floor with the pup the entire evening.

It was a healthy separation.

“I’m glad you’re doing much better, you’re smiling like you used to.” He said, in between laughs as he cooed at the dog. You stick your tongue out at him and continue to grade papers.

“Oo a smiley face, let me guess the kid got an A?” Hawks guessed, suddenly appearing by your side. You nod and hand him a stack with an answer key and blue and red colored markers.

“Correct you are Hawks, my class rarely fails which means I’m a good teacher.” You applauded yourself, he lets out a laugh.

“Ha! I bet the only reason those kids pay attention is because they got a hot teacher. Hell I’d stay after school if it meant more time.” He joked, adding check marks to the correct answers and grading the papers accordingly, he’d even put a smile on the page like you.

You stay silent, it was like it all hit you at once that you and Hawks were separated. The thought had slipped your mind, it wasn’t like you didn’t appreciate it coming from him, but it was the fact that you guys haven’t spoken about each other like that. He senses the tension and cocks an eyebrow at you, “You're doing it again.”

You scoff, “What do you mean I’m doing it again? What am I doing?”

He points and waves the marker near your face, “The face you make when you're thinking about something really deep.” He says, before going back to grading. You place the pile of graded papers on your coffee table and turn towards him. He catches your gaze before placing his pile beside yours.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

You wave your hands in front of your face defensively as he inches closer to you, “N-No it’s nothing! It’s just-“

He scoffs, “Are you seriously mind fucked because I said you’re hot? Damn, I know we’re in separation and stuff but if I wanna call you hot I’m gonna call you hot.”

You wave your hands even more and slap them on your cheeks, “Hawks!-“

“That’s not my name.”

You roll your eyes, “I don’t say your name anymore because of how personal it is too you-“

“And what? It makes you sound like all the rest, I allowed you to know my name for a reason. I don’t just hand it out to whoever. Again, just because we aren’t together doesn’t mean you can’t call me by my name.” He says, leaning back into your couch. You sigh in defeat, he was right.

“Soooo, Y/N, it’s been awhile since you’ve really talked to me. You haven’t told me much, so how’s the dating life?” He asks.

A frown appears on his face and you mentally facepalm yourself. ‘Way to get to the damn point.’ Keigo would only ever visit on Thursdays, which was part of the reason why he looked forward to Thursday’s. But even after you moved out, you guys remained close seeing as it would be impossible to forget one another and just called the split a separation though it was truly a break up. You never really opened up to him when he came over, during your lunch breaks he’d just help around and listen to your complaints about “How will this even prepare them in life? I don’t even fucking use this!” As you looked over your lesson plans. He’d admire you from afar, and watch you. He cringed each time you called him Hawks, but still carried on with life. You just never really told him about what was going on like you used to.

“Keigo,” you say, earning a smile from the winged hero, “There’s nobody, I don’t really wanna get into another relationship.” You mumble, he shrugs.

“How about you? How’s the dating game?” You ask, crossing your legs. He arches a brow at you and almost laughs, “I don’t got time for another chick, not in my interest surprisingly.” You nod, and squint at him.

“I’m sure you are busy, bird boy.”

A silence falls in between the two of you, creating an almost awkward tension in the air. You clear your throat, hoping he’d say something. But he doesn’t, he just grabs the pile of papers off the coffee table and continues to grade.

“What have you been up to, since you’ve moved here.” He asks, finally looking up to meet your eyes.

“I-I well, I go to therapy twice a week, I finally dropped all my pills, I got a job, I got my dog, that’s really it Keigo.” You said, shrugging your shoulders and giving a content sigh, you looked around your place and crossed your arms.

He nodded and smiled, “You stopped your pills?” He asks excitedly, it was a huge milestone and a big deal to him, and you understood why; the pills drained you and drain who you were as a person. It was just time to finally let them go.

“yup.”

A grin plastered his face. He looked like he was proud, “I’m so happy for you, Y/N.” You thank him, and glance at his eyes. It’s been awhile since you looked at his eyes, which only reminded you of something you’ve been meaning to speak to him about.

“Keigo,” you grab his attention as he arches a brow, “I was wondering, I know this is sudden but I want you to know that at the time I couldn’t be with you because I was scared I didn’t love you anymore, I know we’re still in a tough spot but.. I want to at least try again.”

A silence falls between you two, he smirks after a couple seconds. “You wanna give this relationship thing another try?” He asks, widening his grin. You smile back, “Yes. But I think the only way we’re gonna survive this is with counseling. We can’t just jump back in like when we first started dating.” You say, it was a good option.

There were still things left unsaid, sometimes old rotten memories would come up, it wasn’t going to be easy, and you finally came to terms that if it wasn’t him. Then it wasn’t anybody else.

The best idea was to have a mediator. He agrees with you and you notice his wings twitch slightly, he was happy. And so were you.

***

“Now, before we start our first session I wanna make sure what my chart says is indeed true,” The counselor states, she crosses her legs and pulls at her glasses; adjusting them.

Keigo sits on one side of the couch meanwhile you sit on the other end, your palms are sweating in nervousness.

“Is it true that the two of you are in a state of separation currently? Meaning that you two no longer live together or see one another on a daily basis?”

You both answer, “Yes ma’am.”

“Alright, is it true that the both of you have been in a relationship for three years?”

Again, the both of you nod and answer, “Yes, ma’am” The middle aged woman claps her hands, flipping through her chart. “Alrighty you two, I usually start my counseling with a series of questions of basic getting to know you two, before we can truly get to the root of the problem.” You both nod in understanding, your hands clammy as they rub together.

“Now, Hawks, may you please retell the story of how you two met in the first place.” She smiles pointing at him with a pen. “It usually helps remind the clients why they fell in love in the first place.”

He clears his throat, “Well, I met Y/N when I was twenty years old, she worked for another agency at the time and I first heard of her when I realized she was climbing the hero charts pretty fast. We met at a Heroes Convention and she was wearing a red dress. The whole night I kept looking at her and eventually I introduced myself, a week later we found ourselves on the scene in a villain attack together, and I just asked her on a date. She said no,”

You laugh at the memory, he looked so rejected but instead of taking the no and dropping it, he’d asked every time you met till you finally said yes.

“She said yes after asking her twenty times.”

The counselor nods, opening her mouth to ask another question, “Who said I love you first?” She asks.

You answer this time, “Hawks, we had been dating for a month and he blurted it out when I was in the shower.”

Ah yes, he was ranting about something while you showered when he said, “I hope you know I love you, because if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be sane.” You had peeked your head out slowly pulling back the curtains and stared him down. Stumbling on your words as a warm blush creeped onto your neck.

“Say that again?” You asked him, he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

“I love you?”

“Yeah, say it again,” you smiled at him. Nodding for him to continue; “I love you.” He said it more confidently, you gave him a peck on the cheek and retreated you head back into the shower; “I love you too, birdbrain.”

It was a beautiful memory that you had forgotten, and now, it came back in a lightning strike. As if talking about it opened a whole cabinet of memories in your mind with him.

You had blamed him and treated him like nothing during that cold turmoil time in the relationship. Who knew the two of you would end up in an office trying to revive it.

Doctor Marie (the counselor) nodded, and proceeded to ask questions of the relationship.

“When did you two notice the relationship was coming to an end, in other words when and why did you guys decide to separate?”

That was a very loaded question.

It struck a nerve in you as you clutch onto the hem of your skirt. The two of you didn't respond nor answers.

Keigo simply said, “After her accident she started to take a boatload of pills but we didn’t know of the side effects. Not to mention she lost her quirk and Y/N really did cherish her quirk, that with also losing lives,” he mutter yet continued when you nodded for him to keep going. “It was a boat load of things, but I genuinely think for me we separated because we couldn’t handle it anymore. Every time I’d try to help her, or talk to her it just ended up in a screaming match. I loved her so much, but it’s hard to love somebody and be happy when the person doesn’t want anything to do with you.”

He turns to face you, nodding that it was your turn.

You sigh, “Well for me.. I was jealous of Hawks.” You say, it was true it was a feeling you hated. You felt like a stupid schoolgirl when that feeling over powered you, it was the first time you admitted it. “I was jealous because he still had his quirk, he still had everything. And every time he helped me it felt like he was treating me like a fragile porcelain doll he found from a vintage store. He’d look at me like a wandering puppy, and then on top of that it was like my head was just clouded with nothing. I started taking so many pills for pain, depression, sleep, you name it. Pretty irresponsible on my part, but I let it take over me to the point my body was just physically rejecting him. All I wanted to do was just leave and not have to face him anymore. And it hurt. Hawks was my first everything, we always talked. But now, or may I say then, it felt like he wouldn’t understand.” You confess.

Doctor Marie nods and takes notes on her small pad, “Interesting, when you say your body felt like it was physically rejecting Hawks what do you mean by that?” She asks.

You shrug sinking deeper into the couch, “I didn’t wanna see him, feel him, smell him.. touch him.” Your voice trailed off, it made your stomach churn.

“How’s that make you feel Hawks?”

Again, very loaded question.

Keigo shook his head, racking up his thoughts before he spoke, “I-I felt shitty, like I was doing something wrong. I use to go to work and think I was missing a step, it wasn’t the fact that she didn’t wanna touch me that bothered me, I understand at that time sex can’t fix everything. But when the person who shared everything with you just doesn’t even want your presents around them anymore - it hurts. It made me feel like she didn’t love me anymore. There was a time I didn’t even love her, I couldn’t look at Y/N in the same light.”

Your heart broke as you stared at the mahogany desk in front of you. The whole session was filled with more questions, some going ever deeper till eventually it was over.The sessions were two times a week, and it got easier for the two. Slowly their relationship fell back in place, but the house they shared once felt different.

The first time you stepped back into Keigo’s apartment you had to stop yourself. Looking back at the kitchen sink where most of your fights occurred, you dropped your bag off at the door.The place was filled with good and bad memories. But it was the bad memories that infested the place, eating away at the beautiful ones. And reminding the two of you why you hated each other.The both of you agreed on moving after couples therapy ended.

***

You hug your old hero costume tightly to your chest, the fabric nuzzled up into your neck as your racked sobs fill the nearly empty bedroom of your apartment. Birby nuzzled at your feet whining.

“Songbird are you - babe are you okay?” Keigo rushed to your side, and held you close. Noticing your costume in your quivering arms, as you started to slowly calm down he reaches for the costume with a concerning look, quietly asking for you to hand it over to him. You push the fabric lightly into his hands and wipe away your tears. “If it makes you feel better we can put it in a nice box full of other things, you can always look back at it. Or if it’s too much we can-“ you interrupt him and give him a reassuring smile. Your hand clutching onto his, rubbing small circles around his knuckles. “Throw it away. I had to come to terms that it’s over, I’m not crying because of my hero days being over. I’m just mourning the people I couldn’t save. That’s all babe.” You give him a peck on the cheek and a gentle squeeze on his hand.

A box full of those memories would simply just be a painful reminder, besides, being a hero was in the past for you. Now, you were entrusted with teaching the new generation of heroes.

You feel his strong arms tighten around you.

***

Time passed and the two of you eventually moved in all of your belongings and furniture from the old apartment.

Now laying breathlessly beside one another underneath the cool bed sheets covered with sweat, slick and cum. This was the first time in a longtime, the two of you made love to one another. Breaking in the headboard against the wall, you wince at his touch.

“Keigo..”

“Our neighbors are gonna hate us in the morning.” He chuckles, a small smile grazing your lips. You allow his finger to trace circles over your shoulder blades, allowing them to wander over the small bruises that littered the base of your neck. “They probably already know your real name..” You giggle, pecking his lips. “That's bad.. because then I’d have to kill them.” He reminds you of the strict rules he must follow, but he was mainly joking. He made sure to find a place with soundproof walls.

“Well, I’m sure you're right..” You feel his fingers run down to the curve of your thighs, stopping in between your legs. “Fuck..” You moan into his shoulder, “Fuck, songbird. I wanna hear you sing that song even louder. So wet for me, still so tight.” He growls into your ear.

It had been so long since the two had any sort of intimacy, you apologized deeply to him.

“I’m never gonna leave you again, Kid. It’s always going to be you.”

***

Months passed and your relationship was now at its best, you smiled as he eagerly kissed your cheek.

“Whoa birdbrain! What’s the hype.” You giggled as he lips peppered down our face, he only smiled and showed off his back. Pointing his thumbs at the now small wings, you gasped. “Kei! What the fuck happened!?” You exclaimed, he brushes you off and picks you by the thighs. “No time, don’t worry about it. No wings means shower sex!” He cheers, rushing towards the nearest bathroom. You sigh, throwing your arms around his shoulders.

“Why can’t we just have a peaceful shower instead.”

He stops and gently places you down on the bathroom counter, stepping back from between your legs and reaching down to the hem of his shirt, pulling the black and yellow fabric off. He looks like he is thinking when he smiles and kisses your forehead, “Tomorrow?”

Holding out a pinky for shower sex, you smile back at him, wrapping your pinky around his. “I promise tomorrow.” You begin to strip off your clothes for the day, watching as he turns on the shower head, tapping at the modes and setting the temperature to hot.

Later on as you feel his hands run through the roots of your hair you feel the sense of calmness, smiling and humming at his actions. You start to feel a tickle in your nose, “Babe. I’m gonna sneeze..” You warn, who knew a sneeze would be so... deadly that day.

In a matter of seconds the electricity in the apartment complex went out, and the water short circuited. Keigo stood behind you, dazed at the sudden shock.

“Babe! I’m so sorry!” You apologized, tugging at his puffed hair. He laughed in shock, before stuttering out the words, “Y-your q-q-quirk.. paid a-a v-visit.” You gave a weak laugh, wrapping a towel around him and you as well.

“Guess it did.”

***

You made a doctor's appointment for the next day and was told indeed your quirk came back, that the possible medication had something to do with it’s delay. But you were also given extra news; you were expecting.

You smiled down at your tummy awaiting for Keigo to come back from his agency, though he was out of commission still didn’t mean he didn’t have work. He came back through the door with a smile, “So songbird, what’d they say.”

He pecks your cheek pulling off his jacket and gloves, “Well they said that the lab results do say that it’s positive that my quirk came back, it also says that it decided to probably show up now because I off all those medications and don’t have much stress anymore from after the accident. They themselves don;t know exactly how, initially the reports stated that there were no signs of my quirk. So I must be lucky!”

“Well that’s great! That means you can come back and kick some ass again!” He cheers walking towards the kitchen, though he still wasn’t keen on the idea of just throwing you out to the public again. Because you worked at his agency before he’d probably have you doing small work. He couldn’t lose his songbird again.

You shook your head though, “Actually, I think I might just fully retire from all hero work. And stick to teaching, besides the doctor says it wouldn’t be good for the baby.” You grin, hoping he’d catch your drift.

He stopped dead in his tracks, processing your words. And slowly turning back to face you, a huge grin plastered on his face.

“It wouldn’t be good for the baby. You’re pregnant?”

You nod, “Three weeks along. Besides, I love my job teaching, I just love my kids.”

He runs out to you and engulfs you in a large hug, you feel tears start to stain your shirt. Your hand caressing his soft hair, running your fingers through his locks to calm him, “I thought I lost you.” His words tremble, you smile softly. “Never.”

BONUS:

Five years later…

“Alright kids! Have a good weekend, I’ll see you all tomorrow!” Y/N exclaimed, waving goodbye to her students for the weekend. She pulls out her chair from behind her desk, finishing up her work, when she hears the click of her door opening. The person behind it seemed to be having trouble opening the door, cocking a brow and tilting her head to the right, she smiles.

“You need help?”

She grins when small feathers appear, and a small five year old boy waddles in. A bouquet of flowers covering his face, as he makes his way towards his mom.

“No mommy, I got it! We got you flowers!”

You gasp, “Oh baby! Thank you, what are you doing here? I thought you were still at school?” She gathers the flowers out of his small hands and admires the boy, he was a blessing. With his father's quirk, and hair, even his eyes. He was a carbon copy of your husband (That’s right the two got married after the birth of their son) and oh how much you loved the two of them.

“Daddy picked me up early because I had a tummy ache, and then he gave me medicine when we got home and now I feel better! So we decided to get you flowers and visit you!” He grins, sipping from his red sippy cup in his hand. Drinking away at the juice his father poured for him, Y/N grins, “Well where’s daddy now?”

At that exact moment, in appeared her husband. Opening the door to her classroom once more and placing a small kiss to her forehead. “Hey bird.” He grins picking up his kid and balancing him on his hip, “We missed mommy so we came to see you.” He pouts, earning a giggle from the boy.

“I missed my boys too.”

“Mommy! Daddy even taught me how to fly, he dropped me off the balcony and at first I was falling-”

Keigo’s eyes bugged nearly out of his head, placing his gloved hand over his son's mouth. Muffling his words, “Well! Would you look at that! It’s time for us to leave, sorry we gotta cut this short-”

“YOU THREW MY SON OFF A SEVENTY FOOT BALCONY BY HIMSELF!?”

“He was fine!”

1K notes · View notes

ninyard · 3 years

Note

Heeey what do you think was that made Kevin finally leave the nest?

I wrote like a 2k word fic-of-an-answer to this one my friend but I wasn’t vibing with it! So I’m starting again. But same thing as the last draft of this answer; I think about Kevin leaving the nest ALL THE TIME

(“Keep mouthing off like a pair of fucking frogs.” Riko spat in English to them both. When Jean shut the door, “Do you think you’re better than I am?”

“Your ego will kill you someday.” He looked Riko in the eye. “I think you care too much about other people’s success to make yourself look better. You’re building your Court,” Kevin swallowed hard, still trying to hold his head up, gravity failing him as he started to tremble. “But you think it’s just guaranteed you’ll be on it.”)

Mandatory CW for The Breaking Of A Hand and Kevin Has Nothing To Live For. See also: the foxes are foxes and their lives are Fucked Up (suicide mention, overdose mention, panic attacks & drug use)

Okay.

Let’s. Talk. About. Kevin.

Idk if I’m allowed to say that Kevin is an underrated character. I really don’t think I am. But if I was allowed to say that I WOULD. I am so very passionate about Kevin I would absolutely die for him and he’s not even real. So let’s talk about his hand.

Can you even begin to imagine what was going through Kevin’s head that night? It looked like practice, then The Master talking about potential, then Riko is mad, then pain and blood and how do I get out of here? Then is it worth it if my life is over?

I think there probably was a minute where Kevin sat alone, covered in his own blood, just thinking there was no point in being alive anymore. His playing hand didn’t really look like a hand anymore, his life and reputation and everything he had worked for just pumping out of his hand and staining his shirt. He didn’t remember passing out but when he came to Riko was gone, and his body was running on fumes trying to keep the pain from overwhelming his system. He probably threw up, all over the locker room, his blood trickling through the tiles, the echo of his own screams ringing through his ears like a non-stop siren. He probably couldn’t really see properly for a little bit and he probably couldn’t move for a while, either. Riko was a foot shorter than him, but he made up for that difference by channeling every ounce of anger and jealousy he felt for Kevin into his feet to stomp the shit out of Kevin’s hand until he knew he would never play again. Jean found Kevin not long later, maybe a couple minutes, or an hour. Kevin begged him to get Riko out of his room. Jean wrapped Kevin’s hand up as best he could, and promised him to deal with it as long as Kevin was there when he got back. Jean had figured he was a flight risk, and knew if Kevin left, Riko’s French personal punching bag would come in handy to take out all his egotistical frustration on. Kevin promised he’d be there when Jean came back. Jean came back to his jacket and wallet missing, a tiny scrap of paper left on the bed, an almost illegible ‘sorry’ scrawled across it. He burned it in the bathroom sink before Riko could find it.

So Kevin’s in his car, and he’s driving. He doesn’t know where yet, and man, is he a hazard. Twice on his journey he nearly knocked out behind the wheel, his head bobbing as the pain begged his body to sleep. He probably had to pull over a couple times to be sick, or to have a panic attack, or both. I know he went through the stages of grief on that drive to Virginia. He probably turned on his radio at some point and laughed, how ridiculous he looked, how dangerous it was to be driving one handed. It took him double the amount of time it would normally have because he just. Had to keep stopping. There’s no way he made that journey in a solid drive.

But also I think he probably didn’t have a plan before he was driving. He knew the Southeastern district were holding the Christmas banquet that night, but that was a secondary thought. His first worry was getting out of the nest. His second worry was whether he was going to kill himself or not. The reason he didn’t just do it? David. The thing that pulled Kevin back off that metaphorical ledge was Coach David Wymack. The only other people who knew about his moms letter were Tetsuji, Jean and Riko. Kevin knew well that none of them would be calling up to break the news to Wymack if he died, and David would grow old and die without ever having known that Kevin Day was his son. David was the reason he was risking everything on busy streets and highways and whatever roads he drove too fast or too slow on.

So, he’s in Virginia without a plan. He doesn’t know what hotel David’s in, if he’s even still in Virginia, if the foxes even bothered to show up. So he looks at as many hotels as he could find. He narrows down the list by looking at the ones he knew the Class I teams frequented, and he called the all pretending to be David, looking for his rooms number. After the fifth call he found it.

Think about Kevin’s anxiety in the elevator, hand throbbing, not profusely bleeding anymore, but every minute that passes is a percentage off the chances he has at keeping his hand and playing again. His heart is racing, his head heavy, every fibre in his being screaming.

David calls out a “Hold your fucking horses, give me a minute!” when Kevin knocks on his door a second time after his first knock received no answer. David opens the door with Abby just behind him, and his face falls so quickly it could’ve hit the floor.

“Kevin.” He looks him up and down, not yet noticing the t-shirt covered in blood he had wrapped around his hand. “Kevin Day. Mind telling me what the fuck you’re doing here?”

Abby pushes past him to unwrap Kevin’s hand. It must be some nurses instinct, to be instantly drawn to looking for an injury on a person. Kevin pulled it back as gently as he could, looking up and down the hall before asking so quietly it almost couldn’t be heard. “Can I come in?”

David makes small talk with Kevin as he shuts the hotel door behind him. What would he say? What could he possibly say to superstar Kevin Day, who he’d only officially met as a baby, when his mother was alive and he wasn’t destined for Court? He probably tried to make meaningless, awkward small talk until Abby shut him up to ask Kevin what happened. He just started to cry. Small whimpers into chesty, heaving, heavy cries, his body teetering on the edge of a panic attack. David had seen his foxes in bad ways before. He’d seen one of his kids convulsing on a stretcher after an accidental overdose, or a fox who’d choked on their own vomit after an intentional one. He’d seen his foxes in their worst moments, panic attacks and withdrawals, anger and sadness, pulling their hair out and on the brink of death. Something about this was the same but different. When Seth first overdosed on the team it was a cry for help, or when Janie admitted herself to the psych ward for a week, it was because she wanted to try. When Damien asked for a second, and third, and fourth chance David gave it to him because that was what Foxes deserved. It took him a moment of watching Kevin heave, snot and spit running down his chin, his hair falling over his face, his body shaking with anxiety, to remember that Kevin wasn’t a fox. Kevin was a Raven, and by god, that was so much worse.

I think we all know that Abby cares for her foxes like she’s their mother, but Kevin is just different. Abby had been seeing David long enough to know how much Kayleigh Day had really meant to him, and how much it hurt to watch Kevin do her proud. Now Kevin was sitting in front of her, his hand practically lifeless, his heart pouring out of every place it could. She tried not to look at David’s face as he paced the room, watching her patch up Kevin’s hand as best she could. Kevin only started to calm down when she handed him a bottle of Diazepam and some water.

And then Kevin whispers that Riko did it. David almost didn’t hear him. He nearly asked for him to repeat it until it hit him. Riko did it. Riko smashed the hand of his number two so badly it would take a long time for him to play again, if he even wanted to. Abby sent him a deathly glare when he mumbled to himself; “I’ll kill that little jumped up piece of shit”.

The rest is history; Kevin passes out not long after, David carries him to the bus, and they drive to the stadium to pick up the foxes. Kevin sleeps the rest of the way until the sun is starting to rise and they’re back in South Carolina. Kevin doesn’t stop crying on and off again for a couple days, and Abby had to hold him back from escaping more than once. After watching his anxiety consume him, and when he told her none of the Ravens were allowed to be medicated in any manner, she got him a script for some quick-acting anxiety meds for him to keep. It took him a week of energy-sapping panic attacks before she could convince him to actually take them as he needed them.

David took out a loan five days after Kevin had arrived into his care. He called Edgar Allan on the sixth, and the seventh, and the eighth day. By the ninth day Kevin was released from the grips of Ravens. By the tenth day they had started the process of making Kevin Day a fox. I suppose it’s for the best Riko fucked up his hand so badly, isn’t it? At least it gave him the ability to fit into the eligibility criteria for being a Fox. Welcome to the club, Kevin Day, and prepare to be gravely disappointed.

#KEVIN DAYYYYYYY #mY boy #rambles #Kevin day #David wymack #tfc #aftg #Riko Moriyama #all for the game #the foxhole court

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passable-talent · 3 years

Text

VADER X GN!READER

cryst am I writing a fic? what is that. who does that anymore akfkvjsb

dedicated to @sunsetkenobi bc she deserves it and I probably wouldn’t be writing this otherwise

okay so if you’ve seen how to train your dragon 2, this is that one scene. ya you know the one. I decided I wanted to break my own heart and here I am to do that so. ergo I do not own the song nor the original concept nor httyd akckcja

also I find writing vader exceedingly difficult thank u send tweet

my apologies for reappearing just to drop a mediocre fic

The stormtroopers took your saber when they captured you.

You had tears in your eyes as they ripped the blade from your grip, but you couldn’t do much about it, with force blockers around your wrists. You just had to watch as they carried away the last remaining piece of your husband.

You hadn’t seen Anakin since he left for Mustafar, intent on ending the Clone Wars. The last time you’d seen Obi-Wan, he told you that Anakin had been killed there, when a sith named Darth Vader struck him down.

Ever since, you’ve been hiding out. Hoping to escape the Jedi hunter who killed your husband. He was ruthless, and powerful, but you did your best to stay among the crowds, unseen, unnoticed.

Unnoticed was a word for it- you weren’t in Jedi robes, and you no longer had your saber. Being dragged through the bowels of an empire ship, stormtroopers flanking you on all sides, you looked like any other prisoner.

You got a cell far, far in the corners of the ship, like they were trying to bury you away. You took the steps down and into the cell and stood amongst it as the troopers left.

Your saber... who knows what they’d do with it. You’d made it with a piece of metal that Anakin had given you, a piece of scrap he’d found on one of his Padawan journeys with Obi-Wan. Nothing else... you had nothing else. You had nothing else of him. And now, your saber was gone, too.

So, your final few hours. You were caught as a Jedi, labeled a traitor to the empire. You were in the ship of Darth Vader, Jedi hunter. You were facing execution now, you knew it. You’d been caught.

So there was no need to hide anymore.

The cell was cold, but it wasn’t too bad. Your fingers would get chilly after a while, but for now, it was a good enough place to meditate. You hadn’t been able to take that risk in so long.

You sat down in the center of the cell, opening yourself to the force for the first time in years.

It was painful, at first. You felt great grief, all around you, surrounding you. It was familiar, too familiar, it brought you right back to the moment that Obi-Wan told you Anakin was dead.

But this was different.

It was a universal grief, one much bigger than one man. It was like a mourning of the force itself, mourning her lost Jedi, mourning each of the thousands of them.

You closed your eyes, feeling like you were leaving the cold cell, becoming bigger than it. You reached out to the ship, to the troopers who wouldn’t know the difference, the millions of miles of wiring working through the cruiser. You felt the metal, the heat, the drone-like worksmanship from the pilots and the sanitation crew.

And then you felt the anger. Rage, the likes of which you hadn’t felt in quite a while. It startled you, tossing you out of your meditation. You opened your eyes and fell backwards, catching yourself with your palms on the floor. And then the door opened.

You jumped to your feet, staring up at the imposing figure in the doorway. A black cape, a saber at his waist, and a menacing helmet.

He took a step into the room, and you took a step back. The door closed behind him.

“(Y/N) (L/N), Jedi scum,” Vader said, his voice deep and scratchy, even through the vocoder of his helmet.

“Lord Vader,” you answered, pressing your back against the wall. There was something to the area around him, the force felt so... unsettled. It was like he both channeled and reflected it, pulling it toward him and pushing it away. Like he was fighting it.

And yet... there was something familiar about him. Your gaze slipped back to his saber, which seemed so oddly familiar. His presence, as well. It made something in your mind ring, as though your own body felt him familiar, too.

How could that be?

“Keep your eyes from my saber,” Vader growled after a few moments of silence, “you won’t be taking it. You cannot escape.”

“I’m not thinking of taking it,” you assured him, hoping not to anger him. “It just... it reminds me of my husband’s saber.”

“Husband?” Vader echoed, his body unmoving. You wished he could at least take off the helmet so you could see his facial expression. “Jedi aren’t meant to marry.”

“I know,” you breathed out, trying to keep eye contact with the disturbingly familiar man, even through his helmet. “But I did.”

There was a moment in which the only thing you could hear was the humming of the ship. And then he turned, his cape spinning behind him, and made his way to the door.

Your husband- you would marry him again, if you could. He was the love of your life, and that was never going to change.

Your wedding, the most beautiful day of your life. Padme’s villa on Naboo, a gorgeous lakeside view, a beautiful ceremony, even if the both of you were still tainted with your padawan hairstyles. But then, later that night, sitting around a fire with a song you would go on to sing together every night you had to yourselves amidst the war. A song you’d develop a dance to, a song you could still hear in his voice, if you listened hard enough.

As Vader approached the door and began punching in a code, you turned your head to the side, closing your eyes.

“I’ll swim and sail on savage seas,” you began, whispering it under your voice, barely even melodic. You hadn’t intended for Vader to even hear you.

“With ne’er a fear of drowning, and gladly ride the waves of life, if you would marry me.” You glanced back up, seeing Vader frozen at the door. When you didn’t continue, he turned his head back toward you with the slowest movement.

“No scorching sun, nor freezing cold, will stop me on my journey...” Your nerves got the best of you and you trailed away, no longer having the bravery to continue, the strength. You couldn’t cry in front of Darth Vader.

“...if you will promise me your heart...” came that rasping voice, and you snapped your head up. A shuddering breath escaped the vocoder of his helmet as he lifted his hands to its sides, lifting it from his head.

He turned his gaze to you, and your heart pounded harder with every feature you recognized. His face was scarred over from burns, his neck crossed on each side of his throat with thin surgery scars. His eyes were yellow and red, but that much was expected from Darth Vader. His hairline was mottled with scars where the scalp hadn’t healed enough to grow hair, and the rest was unkept, but still it was a familiar gold.

“And love me for eternity...”

Your eyes widened and your hands lifted up, reaching forward to his face, tears already welling in your eyes. Anakin, Anakin was alive, he’s right here. Your husband is alive. You cupped his face, rubbing your thumbs over his cheekbones. His voice was different, rougher, deeper, but still you heard him. His eyes closed slowly, his face lowering into your palms.

“My dearest one, my darling dear, your mighty words astound me...” You took a deep breath to steady your voice, overwhelmed with relief, emotion, surprise. “But I've no need for mighty deeds when I feel your arms around me.”

Anakin’s eyes opened, and they were blue, that blue you hadn’t seen in so long, that blue you adored. A low smile pulled at his lips, one you never thought you’d see again, and he took his arms around your waist. There was a laugh to his voice as he sang.

“But I would bring you rings of gold, I'd even sing you poetry-“ You took slow steps, the cell smaller than your usual dance space, but you made do. His hands spread along your lower back, yours on his shoulders.

“And I would keep you from all harm, if you would stay beside me!”

You pulled away, taking his hand, stepping into the familiar pattern. He didn’t step as nimbly as he did when you’d last seen him, but still he tried.

“I have no use for rings of gold,” you sang, falling into the familiar patterns, his smile, the way he looked at you, “I care not for your poetry, I only want your hand to hold-“ Finally his smile brightened to what you remembered, and you took his leather-covered hand between both of yours as you sang your last line, your voice no longer timid, now loud and happy.

“I only want you near me.”

You joined his voice, finally twirling in the circles you never thought you’d have again, holding the man you thought you’d lost.

“To love and kiss, to sweetly hold, for the dancing and the dreaming-“ His leather glove, after all this time, hadn’t changed. Did he wear the same one?

“Through all life's sorrows and delights, I'll keep your laugh inside me.” His voice wasn’t exactly the way it’d been when you’d seen him last, but still, it blended perfectly with yours. Six years... it had been six years.

“I'll swim and sail on savage seas, with ne’er a fear of drowning,” You took a spin, like walking on air. He stepped around you, never letting go of your hand.

“I'd gladly ride the waves of life, if you will marry me!” With the last word, he lifted you up by the waist, pulling you against his body, your knees only just on either side of his hips. Mostly, he held you up on his own, your forehead pressed to his. You’d missed that smile so much.

Your husband is alive. Anakin Skywalker is alive. You couldn’t help your breathy laugh as you settled your weight against his chest, cupping his cheeks.

“Oh, Anakin...” you breathed, closing your eyes, and for one blissful moment, all was perfect.

He dropped you.

You looked up, startled, into yellow eyes. His expression was blank, his glaze flitting over you. He turned with a whip of the cape that forced you to step back, and before you could say a word, he clipped the helmet back over his head.

He only gave you one more look before he disappeared out the door, shutting it behind him.

And now the cell felt so much colder.

-🦌 Roe

#anakin x reader insert #anakin x jedi reader #anakin skywalker x jedi reader #star wars anakin #anakin imagine #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker imagine #darth vader #suitless vader #vader x reader #vader reader insert #gn reader

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lizanathon · 2 years

Text

Foolish (Lan & Nynaeve Fanfiction)

Disclaimer: Wheel of Time is a Robert Jordan world, and I just write about it. This headcannon is based on the TV adaptation of the series. I had feelings about the last few episodes and needed to write about them.

I am so thrilled to see this series come to life on screen. I had a thought while watching 1x06 about what could’ve happened if a chance encounter occurred between the two episode. Slight deviation from canon but all ends the same.

*TW mentions of Stephins suicide

The sound of fists slamming against flesh grows distant as the guttural caw of grief fades to a somber silence. Mourners trickle from the room until but a few white clothed figures remain. Nynaeve still feels the echo of his screams resonating off the walls. She stares at the man with his head bowed over the body of a friend. Moraine turns to her, and to Nynaeve’s surprise, the ordinarily stony-faced women has tears in her eyes. Moiraine’s curious look remind Nynaeve that she is the intruder here. With a quick glance to the pale body laid out on the table, Nynaeve leaves the Warder and his Aeis Sedai to their grief.

…

Later, once Lan has donned his sword and the traditional brown and greens that enable him the blend into the shadows, he finds her. She sits at a window in the main hall of the Warder’s quarters. Lan knows immediately that it overlooks the green dedicated to the burial of any Aes Sedai or Warder whose body returns to Tar Valon. Stephin will have been laid in the ground today. Few Warders are to be found there. Warders do not die in peace. They do not grow old and their bodies are not laid to rest in pretty green pastures.

Lan approached the Wisdom cautiously as if she were a wild animal set to flee at any sudden movement.

“It’s a bit cruel don’t you think? Losing someone you love is hard enough, and yet…” Nynaeve pauses, collecting her thoughts. “And yet, you Warders and your Aes Sedai, you choose to enter into this bond… what happened to Stephin, it’s not like that for an Aes Sedai is it? When they lose a Warder?

Lan follows the young channelers gaze. He sees the freshly upturned dirt. There is a stone identifying its location, but nothing more than that. Humble beginnings and humble endings, he thinks. A bitter twinge of anger rocks his nerves as he acknowledges how unbefitting the scene is. “It’s different.” He begins softly. “The bond, it makes you feel something greater than whole. This person, they become an extension of yourself, an extra limb. Losing it is the same thing as losing a piece of yourself. Warders are responsible for the protection of their Aes Sedai. To lose them is to fail your oaths and more so, your best friend. Most die seeking revenge. Those who don’t, live in anger, guilt ridden and reckless until it consumes them. An Aes Sedai have their duty, their power. It keeps them focused. But many refuse to take new Warders in hopes to avoid the pain. Some do, they say that a new bond cannot fill the hole left in their soul but that it can create a spark elsewhere.”

Nynaeve is quiet for a short while before her nose scrunches up in a way that has Lan’s focus returning to her face. “It doesn’t make sense. I’ve used the one power and It just left me feeling angry. Angry and more confused than I was. I don’t see how that could chase away that kind of pain. I had woman… sisters I suppose they’re called; ask me how it felt. Asking me to describe the exhilaration. It reminds of the time Arnie Stickle ingested the Mill-flower pollen that was growing in his field.” He fought for days, itching to chase the high it brought. If that what touching the one power is supposed to feel like, I don’t want anything to do with it.”

With effort Lan let his gaze drop to his hands “Power can be addicting, perhaps that why the Aes Sedai have built the system they have; the training, the rules, the observant eyes behind every corner and under every staircase.”

Nynaeve glances subconsciously to the hall leading from the Warders Quarters. “They say that the Aes Sedai serve the people, the ordinary citizens, but from what I’ve seen, they’ve no idea what happens beyond this tower. They fight for power, for validation and prestige. And they bind a person they claim to love knowing that the consequences may drive them to madness, to a slow agonizing death.”

He’s heard these criticisms before and its rarely ever fazed him. He knows the strength of his bond and is proud of his decision. But for some reason the words hurt coming from Nynaeve. A part of him had assumed she’d understand. Maybe it’s the way she came after her friends without hesitation. Not once flinching at the presence of the power within these walls. Surely, she understands what it means to love unequivocable, to need your loved ones to be safe at any cost.

Nynaeve turned to face him for the first time since the conversation began. Redness coloring the edges of her eyes. “I talked to Maksim Ihvona today. They told me that they found the Goats Tongue that I gave to Stephin. They figured he’d used it to knock you out for the night while he… he…”

The urge to reach out to her was overwhelming, but knowing that it would not help he fought it. Crossing his arms across his chest he steels himself and tries to reassure her, “This was not your fault Nynaeve. Nothing could’ve prevented this. He made up his mind. He would have found a way around it sometime.”

“No, no! I was foolish. I knew how much pain he was in. I shouldn’t have... I shouldn’t have ever let him walk out that door.”

He wished he had the words to convince her, but in truth he too was drowning in guilt. “If you were foolish, than so was I.”

Nynaeve’s eyes bulged in anger as she hurried to defend him. “For lights sake you were unconscious! You may be strong Lan but the stuff I gave him would put a horse to sleep!”

Her outrage nearly made him lose his balance. He’d gotten used to seeing a blankness in her eyes as she went out of her way to avoid him for the last month of their journey. It took him a moment to remind himself of how passionate she could be. He felt the corner of his mouth shoot up slightly, but this moment was far from amusing. Steeling his features again, he continued. “But I took the cup. I… it’s done. But you, you helped him home. Were friend to a stranger. Made him smile and laugh his grief. You helped give him the strength to see Kerenes journey through. To return her ring to well it came from. He would thank you… in the next life maybe.”

A tear escapes Nynaeve’s attempt at a steely composure and she angrily wipes a sleeve across her eyes. With an inhale she says, “A Wisdom chases death with everything she has. But sometimes her duty is to welcome it was as much peace as she can offer.”

Lan contemplates the women in front of him and sees not for the first how much the world has taken from her. His stomach churns as he realizes that the hardships are far from over for her. Nynaeve straightens suddenly and wipes again at her eyes, though there is no trace of tears remaining “You trust Moraine?” She asks and Lan is not sure if its really a question, but his nod is sincere nevertheless.

“She has a plan for my friends, me too I suppose. I suspect there’s no way around that now.”

Lan tries not to look caught off guard. She intelligent, he knew. Not much would escape her notice. “All of you have abilities that are greater than you know. Moraine sees that.” Lan looks away solemn. “You knew not what this world had in store for you. But I swear to you it is in Moraine mind to prepare you all as best she can for what awaits.”

“I hope you’re right.” Nynaeve stands and Lan fights the urge to step back. “You know the tea house Emerald Brew?” And without waiting for a reply, Nynaeve straightens her skirts and promptly continues. “Have Moraine there mid-day tomorrow. It’s time for her to prove her interests.” Lan can’t help but nod even though she’s already turned and walked away. Faintly, he considers what it would be like in a world where he wouldn’t have to watch her retreating form.

…

A flash of yellow and green, followed by the unconcealable form of an Ogier pass along the balcony in direct view of the tea shop. Moiraine finds herself lost in thought as she lifts the delicate cup to her lips. She reflects on her appreciation for the brooding man she bonded as her Warder. It been far too long since she’s had the pleasure of a warm cup of tea. Lan seems to believe that the wilder girl has found their charges. Loathe as she is to admit it, Moraine is a bit grateful for the girl’s tenacity. She’s been a bit distracted with her return to the Tower after such an extended absence. She met her irritation with pursed lips. The politics of the Tower never really interested her. How Siuan managed all these years is beyond her. She returns the cup to the saucer when she notices the door nob spin. “We’ve got them.”

…

Moiraine flashes a glance at Lan when she sees the wilder standing at the door as they approach. Almost more surprising was the towering frame of the Ogier at her side. The builder held a stack of books that would make a normal man buckle under the pressure.

Lan and Moiraine have barely started on the walkway when the girl opens her mouth, “You promised to keep us safe?” not seeming to be looking for an answer she continues, “If you even consider for a moment doing them any harm, I swear to you I will make you and the whole of Tar Valon know the consequences of messing with Two Rivers folk!”

Lan shifts his stance next to Moraine but keeps his features unchanged. “Are you through?” Moiraine replies. This impulsive child will make Moiraines ageless face show its age before long she thinks. With narrowed eyes the girl opens the door, reveiling the dark interior of a musty inn. Moiraine thinks she ought to be surprised by the lack of people inside, even for the middle of the day. One more glance at Nynaeve’s stern face leads Moiraine to believe that their may be more to the story. “Loial, will you wait here? If all goes well, I’ll return shortly, and we can go these books you brought.” The Ogier looked as if he had much to say but the girl did not give him a chance.

As Lan and Moiraine were led the group to the stairs, she thinks again to the Warder at her side. How long had he known of these whereabouts? The thought was enough to make the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Lan turns to look at her with concern and if her eyes don’t deceive her, maybe a touch of shame. Good, she thinks. He must remind himself the importance of this mission. There is little room to be distracted by fondness. These children have a long, dangerous road ahead of them. It would be foolish to become attached now. The memory of the dog she hid in her quarters came unbidden to her mind. She was too young at the time to realize how ridiculous it had been to name him, to let him distract her from her studies. It had only caused pain in the end. When she’d lost him.

Moiraine came back to the present when she saw Rand reach for his sword. Lan was in his face before the blade was pulled from its scabbard. “Don’t be stupid!” To Moiraines surprise, the normally intimidating presence of such a skilled Warder did little to quell the boys determination. “I not going to let you hurt him!”

“Rand!” Nynaeve slipped past Lan, causing the Warder to twitch. “I brought them. I think…” Nynaeve purses her lips as if she taken a bit out of an underripe persimmon. “I think, she can help. Save your fight. If anything happens, I’ll be right at your side.”

Moiraine approaches Mat who begins to fight. Both Lan and Rand’s attention jumped quickly to the thrashing boy as each held down a side. The darkness had soaked into his bones. Moiraine felt the rush of Saidar like electricity in her veins as she reached out to grasp it. Nynaeve maneuvered to hold his head where he tried to bite out at anything he could sink his teeth into. The three watched in stunned silence as the weaves appeared to travel up Moiraines sleeve searching for a place to seep into the soul of another. “Oh, you stupid boy!” And with a clang the dagger hit the floor.

…

Nynaeve kneels over the bed with her hand clasped around Mat’s. Rand takes up residence on his other side. The scene makes Lan feel ill. He knew only some of what Moiraine had in store for these children, but what he did know that this would not be the last of their heartache. He watches as Nynaeve looks up from the now resting boy, glancing towards the balcancy Moiraine had vacated to after the performance. He almost wishes he could stop her as she stands and follows after his Aes Sedai. Moiraine was still fuming. He felt the spines digging into his brain through the bond.

Moiraine senses the girl’s presence, and before she has time to reconsider Moraine launches into her. “Why didn’t you find me as soon as you saw the darkness in Mat? Your pride could’ve killed your friend.” Moiraine turns to stand face to face with Nynaeve, “If Wisdom is the title you claim, I suggest you start using some.” Nynaeve stays silent as Moiraine passes. By the time she returns to the room both her and Lan are gone.

…

#nynaeve al'meara #lan mandragoran #nynaeve x lan #wheel of time #the wheel of time #tv wot #wot #moiraine damodred #siuan sanche #matrim cauthon #rand al'thor #lanaeve #fanfic #wheel of time 1x06 #persimmon

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