#and i spent the entire year doing classes i didn't like and struggling just to keep up
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hots for teacher (melissa schemmenti x fem!reader)
part 2
summary: you've been infatuated with melissa schemmenti ever since you worked under her as a student teacher. what will happen when you meet again a few years later?
warnings: NSFW content, implied future smut (part 2 on the way??), praise kink, age gap idk
notes: hi everyone! my name is april, and this is my first ever fanfiction. i wrote this for fun and then decided to share it with the community, because i love the little gay women in my phone! i've been reading fics on tumblr for as long as i've been on the internet, so this is a strange experience for me. anyway, enjoy, and let me know what you guys think!
tonight you looked sexy, and you knew it. you wore a sinfully short black dress with colorful butterflies. it was one of your favorites; it showed just the right amount and hugged just the right places to be tantalizing. your eyes were painted with thin black wings and soft, glittery eyeshadow that made you look like a sweet dream. your lips glistened and your hair was tied up in two dutch braids. you were a vision.
all this meant that you were not the least bit surprised when a deep, sultry female voice sounded from behind where you sat at the bar.
"it should be illegal to look like that in public."
you smiled coyly and turned around to face the stranger.
"why? see something you like?" when you turned to face her, however, you were met with a familiar face. it was a face you'd seen in your dreams time after time: your former boss, melissa schemmenti.
you had been assigned to work with melissa as a student teacher while you were in school for your teaching certification. at the time, she was teaching two grades simultaneously, so she was grateful to have you there to ease the burden. it didn't hurt that you were always so eager to please. you wanted to learn and become the best teacher you could be.
of course, your motives weren't entirely pure. you were attracted to melissa from the moment you saw her. you remembered it like it was yesterday: her flaming red hair was slightly messy from trying to wrangle her double class, and her glasses sat askew on her nose. then you came along and turned everything around. she would give you to-do lists, and you would finish them before lunchtime the same day.
"great job, hon! you're so good, don't know what i'd do without you..." she'd say each time, beaming with pride at her new prodigee.
"o-of course, ms. schemmenti. what else can i do for you?" you'd respond, blushing profusely at the praise and struggling to hold her intense gaze.
within a week of having you, melissa was caught up on all her work. she couldn't help but feel like you were an angel, or some kind of gift from god. whatever you were, she cherished you. as the two of you spent more time together, she started to want you more and more. every project, every conversation, every smile you two shared only added to your chemistry.
she had fun with it--teasing you with special pet names and praise, watching you get all flustered and squirmy. she knew you liked her back. you weren't the most subtle about your desire.
melissa would never act on her feelings, though. you were a doe-eyed twenty-something with big dreams, and she was your much older boss. getting involved with you would be too messy. but she always held out hope, even after you left abbott, that one day you'd meet again.
you studied melissa's sly smirk for a moment, in disbelief at your luck. it had been two years since you left abbott. you had your own big girl job now, and you were a bit more mature. there was nothing stopping you from acting on your desires.
"oh my god, ms. schemmenti! please, have a drink with me. it's been a while." you hoped you didn't sound too desperate, although you definitely looked desperate once you got a good glance at her.
her look was striking. your breath hitched in your throat as you scanned her form, dressed in red leather pants and a button-down shirt. her arms were visibly muscled, even through the jacket. the black button-down shirt she wore was unbuttoned just enough to tease her cleavage. around her waist was a thick black belt that you wanted to pull on. her fiery hair was tied back haphazardly in a high ponytail, just messy enough to be sexy. and her hands—god, her fingers were long and ringed and—
"whatever you say, kid," she shrugged and sat down next to you, giving you a playful smile. "and you can call me melissa now."
she had a mischievous glint in her eye, probably knowing how you felt just by the wanton way you stared at her. when she sat down beside you, you felt your whole body heat up. your thighs were almost touching from the proximity, and you could smell her intoxicating perfume with each inhale. feeling her body so close to yours had you more drunk than the alcohol. it didn't help that her eyes now roamed over your body shamelessly, taking in your glistening lips and lingering on your soft cleavage. you tried your best to play it cool.
you talked for a while, catching up on everything. you told her about your new job at a suburban elementary school, your volunteer tutoring on the weekends, your summers in the mountains. she beamed with pride hearing of your accomplishments.
"that's great, y/n! sounds like you're goin' places."
"thank you! i think i owe a lot of my success to my student teaching experience—everyone at abbott was great, including you. especially you," you looked at her with an intense gaze, feeling your desire catch up with you.
"you were such a passionate mentor. you just had this way of getting me excited..." you trailed off as you fixated on the stirrings of a smirk on her face.
"...excited about learning," you finished shakily.
"mm-hmm," she chuckled.
maybe it was the alcohol, or the simple fact that she was right next to you and seemingly devouring you with her eyes, but you became bolder then. you only had one shot at this.
"i mean, you really touched me in a way that nobody else could," you leaned in, dragging out your syllables for emphasis. "i worked so hard because i just needed to be good for you."
now she was the one shuddering. you had the upper hand, if only for a moment. but she quickly got her boldness back.
"i noticed that. always so bright and attentive. i bragged to all the other teachers about what a good girl you were." to top it all off, she punctuated her sentence by placing her hand firmly on your knee.
you thought you were going to explode right then and there. your skin erupted in goosebumps at her touch, and you spread your legs ever so slightly to indicate your consent. her face split into a smug grin and she began to crawl her fingers up your thigh, agonizingly slowly.
your response came as a shaky whisper. you were sure you must have soaked through your panties just from her teasing touches.
"it's good to know that you thought so highly of me. i looked up to you a lot," you said sheepishly. "um, i'm a bit embarrassed to admit it, but i did have a bit of a crush on you..."
"oh, yeah. that doesn't surprise me. don't be embarrassed, hon. you can't help what you feel," her hand had stalled at the midpoint of your thigh, and she looked at you with sincerity.
"it doesn't surprise you?" you asked, struggling to get the words out once she resumed stroking your thigh.
"i had my suspicions," she said with a knowing smirk. "i'm sharper than i look, ya know."
her darkened eyes sent shivers down your spine. you felt your core heat up at the humiliation of knowing she knew exactly what you thought about her.
"am i that obvious?" you asked, somewhat breathily.
"oh, sweetheart," she laughed. she leaned in close and you could smell her perfume, feel the warmth of her breath on your skin. her fingers pinched the skin of your thigh as she whispered to you. "you sat five feet away from me for months, always wearin' those little black skirts. you think i didn't see you rub your thighs together every time i gave you praise?"
her hand now caressed your inner thigh softly, teasingly. you failed to respond, trying to process her words but finding yourself unable to do anything but whimper almost silently.
"so soft here. mhmm," she husked into your ear. there was a hint of giddiness in her voice, as if she was pleased with herself for taking you apart so easily. "does that feel good, princess? do you like it when i touch you?"
"yes!" you said, almost too loudly for the public setting. "yes, i like it very much."
"good," she whispered as her fingers found the edge of your panties. your thighs spread even wider, and you let out a small gasp.
"we've got lots more to catch up on, don't we?" she continued, her fingers drawing feather-light circles over your clit through the fabric. you wondered if she could feel you throbbing for her. your hips bucked up to meet her hand, and she slapped your thigh in warning. "if you wanna keep talkin', we can head back to mine..."
you turned to her with big, glazed-over eyes. still whimpering, you nodded rapidly, earning a laugh from the older woman. she grabbed your hand and guided you out of the packed bar.
"i'm gonna wreck you, hon," she mumbled without looking back at you.
#melissa schemmenti x y/n#melissa schemmenti x reader#melissa schemmenti#melissa schemmenti/reader#melissa schemmenti x you#wlw ns/fw#kinktober#abbott elementary#fanfic
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Hi! I would love to hear your thoughts about classism in TGCF, but specifically regarding XL. It surprised me to see people hating on XL for not knowing or doing better during his teenage years of luxury as the crown prince and making XL a complete villain because he didn't take down classism and restructure society despite still being a kid himself. It struck me as odd that the fandom is well aware of his 800 years in poverty but also not really addressing the fact that XL, too, is a victim of classism albeit a little different from someone like MQ.
Hi there! So sorry it's taken me this long to get to this ask, I've just been in sort of a funk for a few days haha.
But yeah, this is definitely a topic that comes up from time to time, with lots of discussion about. It surprises me that despite that, there are still people (maybe just newer fans? idk) who still hate on Xie Lian for his naive views as a 17yo. Especially since, despite being a naive 17yo, he still really wanted to help people less fortunate than himself. He didn't quite understand how to do this in the most effective ways (because he was a teenager), so it came off as somewhat patronizing as he was a person in a position of power compared to everyone else. Yet his desire to help people was genuine, and he didn't personally think of "common folk" as being any lesser than "royalty" -- even though in this case, there kind of literally was a difference. (E.g. when Lang Ying goes from being a commoner to a king, he gets a "kingly aura" that protects him!) So it's honestly kind of incredible that Xie Lian is willing to say things like "I think people are equal, even gods and humans, and if the Heavens disagree with me, then it's the Heavens that are wrong" with his entire heart.
I imagine a large part of the hate Xie Lian gets from certain fans is jealousy or resentment, due to the fact that Xie Lian was "born privileged." But on it's own, "privilege" is not "the great enemy" -- it's what said privilege means in the context of society, and what someone does/doesn't do with it that merits judgement. Xie Lian doesn't fully understand the privilege he had until he loses it (again: because he was 17!), but he still understood it enough to use it to protect and help people. That's more than many other characters can say. Him starting out as a prince doesn't automatically disqualify him from class struggles or the horrors of poverty. It's nonsensical to think so, when this is a character who literally spent almost 800 years busking for scraps, while sleeping in dirt outside and eating garbage….
On the flip side, as you mentioned Mu Qing -- yes, he was a victim of classism. But he's a very strange figure to use as the poster boy for that, though he often is by people who are critical of Xie Lian. This may be a controversial take, despite it being something I think that makes the character of Mu Qing really interesting: but he's a very "typical" guy within the concept of classism. He's someone who started off with a bad lot, but then ended up ascending to the highest point you pretty much can in that world/society. Which is great! He did that through hard work, and it paid off! But now, since he got his "happy ending," that's kind of it for him. He doesn't do anything to materially improve the lives of those less fortunate, especially those he has no personal connection with. This doesn't make him a bad person -- it's not really his job to that, even as a god. He's a martial god, so he's there to subdue threats and all that. Yet you can clearly see, that's exactly the type of person society values because such "rags to riches" stories give legitimacy to the whole system, and because they don't rock the boat once they're on top.
So then it's odd to be angry at Xie Lian but not Mu Qing (or others) for the lack of some "grand revolution" that some readers seem to want.
Ironically, Xie Lian used what power he had to try and help people -- and he was worse off for it. If he had done nothing, he would have been able to live a happy and carefree life. He would have lived and died as a rich prince/king with no troubles. Like, that's the point! The societies we live in punish those who want to broadly help others or make meaningful change, while rewarding those who quietly play the game for themselves -- because it helps keep the wheels turning. It doesn't matter at "what end" of the spectrum you start out on, the rules apply the same way. If you go against the establishment, there's a price to be paid.
Throughout Xie Lian's long journey, he learns this lesson the hard way. And the fact that in order to change it, he would somehow have to change the hearts and minds of pretty much everyone -- which is an impossible ask. How is he even supposed to that, or restructure society as a whole, without vast amounts of collateral damage? In the end, Xie Lian discovers that he was not wrong in his desire to help people, even if he cannot help everyone. He can still help people he meets in whatever ways he can, and that is still important. To show kindness, mercy, and empathy towards your fellow man is worth it. Helping your neighbors or complete strangers you meet once and then never again -- all that is still worth it.
I wish I had the time to sit down and really talk about this in a more organized way, but these disjointed thoughts are all I can manage at the moment! I hope it was still valuable to you in some way, and thank you for sending in the ask!
(Also, I recently reblogged a post that talked about something similar if you wanna check it out, Anon. It's right under the manhua highlights I think!)
#Anonymous#asks#tgcf#im seeing a LOT of chatter on this topic lately so it makes me wonder if there was some discourse i missed due to being under a rock lol#nyerus.txt
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i can't overstate how important it is that st. lucia as a christian all girls school is straight up the kind of institution that is meant to create 'future wives and mothers'. st. lucia's tone is left up to subtext in the anime, but many religious all girls schools have traditionally leaned towards this intent, and this subtext is even made explicit in the gacha mobile game in the st. lucia event (and as much as i side eye it for all the weird fanservice and on principle because it's...gacha, whoever wrote this particular event had legitimate love and was truly cooking).
anyway st. lucia is the sort of place that teaches you how to be book smart, but also how to be docile and proper as a woman - all values satoko has spent her entire life rejecting.
it's the institutional misogyny perpetuated by the academy that leads young women to reject anyone who fails to live up to this standard, which plays into satoko's ostracization there because satoko still acts in a way which is considered more childish, more uncouth. her way of behaving is more tomboyish, despite calling her way of speaking more "lady-like" (satoko speaks like a well-to-do-rich-girl and she uses keigo but in a very clumsy and sometimes incorrect way so it comes off as someone trying to sound upper class but not really being that convincing because she's trying to overcompensate for years of ostracization in hinamizawa and is putting on airs which the actual rich girls at st. lucia immediately catch on to!).
satoko is unbecoming in every sense of the word, as she refuses to mold herself to fit the school's teachings.
this struggle is also nothing new for satoko because she's always had the expectation of being more docile, more proper, and more accepting growing up, but she's always had an aversion to heterosexual marriage and the nuclear family as a child. satoko has always refused the expectations that come with being a young girl, and nuclear family expectations were a huge part of what ruined her childhood until she had nobody to depend on besides her older brother.
her mother always felt a need to be married, due to how society treats unmarried women with children, so she was constantly remarrying and all of satoko's step fathers were abusive to her and even the ones that weren't in the beginning quickly got frustrated with her because she was a "problem child" who didn't accept them.
from the start of satoko's life, misogyny has driven a great deal of the trauma that she experiences from her family and this trauma is further complicated by st. lucia's, in the way it teaches girls that their worth in a heteronormative society is dependent on how well they can perform their roles as a wife and mother in a heterosexual marriage, and the way it also teaches them to other and hate that which could bring them down (which happens to be satoko herself in the eyes of much of the girls there).
when i think of ryukishi saying "i didn't want to write a conflict where fans would say "just get married"" i'm filled with sadness because as much as that's a response to people who said this about yasu and battler in umineko even though the issue goes beyond just romantic love, it's also the reality that women can't get married in japan and would face pushback from society especially in the 80s, so satoko and rika can't get married and therein lies a part of their tragedy.
sure satoko and rika can choose to live together and they can choose to be a couple, but they don't get the natural privileges that heterosexual couples are granted. satoko and rika, as queer young girls, have more pushback and will face so much more judgement from society.
satoko is also a young girl whose very mode of existence and way of engaging with other people goes blatantly against what is expected and wanted of her because she can't be a people pleaser like rika or rena, and she isn't a charismatic leader like mion. even when she was just going along with people and trying to be happy without pushing back against the status quo, her cheerfulness was considered boisterous. she's considered childish, strange and uncouth for her behavior and sense of humor.
there's also the fact that satoko's friends have grown up and all seem to be heterosexual - even rika makes a joke toward mion about seemingly being the center of keiichi's attention and having a relationship with him, as satoko sits there in uncomfortable silence before trying to change the subject to something else (some of this uncomfortableness is definitely due to the fact that rika is asserting she hasn't change, despite the fact that - from satoko's perspective - she blatantly has but the mion line is also important).
it's satoko's struggle with how women are perceived as either having to be pure in absolutes in their relationships with other women vs being seen as inherent predators of other women as she tries to accept her romantic love for rika as a girl.
when satoko was a child, that love didn't have to be explicitly defined. it was a love that didn't need to be labeled. however, now that they are reaching adulthood, they stand at a boundary that in class s yuri defines the end of the relationship, the end of the road, entering adulthood and marriage. satoko is now considered a young woman, and is no longer so easily distanced from those gendered expectations. a young girl who grew up desperate to avoid the expectations of heterosexual marriage and nuclear family. a young girl who rejects these things.
(and st. lucia is definitely a reference to things like onii-sama, e and everything about satoko's struggles is incredibly resonant with s class yuri. it's a running gag in revolutionary girl utena that the girls all fawn over the protagonist, they refer to her as utena-sama. the parts in satokowashi where rika is walking into the school and everyone is watching her and going "omg rika-sama!" "omg she's so graceful!" is literally the first episode of utena. everyone wants to be her and date her. she's so pretty. she's the ideal partner. except they've been taught to believe it all can only be taken at a far gaze because queerness is this struggle as it is frequently displayed in class s yuri as the issues of childhood and adulthood, and that feeling of not being able to continue these lesbian relationships as you are expected to grow up and marry a man).
satoko is framed at st. lucia as the scary crude violent boyish one and clingy 'predatory' etc etc as she's threatening the pure class s sistership the delicate princess rika has with these girls. it's rika's paradise as she really loves performing that for girls, the delicate girl princess. previously she only did that for the boyish princess satoko to shelter her (which she also really loved, the both of them loved it when they were equal-ish in their little two girl house). rika loves that. being with girls. she did that playacting for boys back in hinamizawa and saikoroshi emphasizes that rika does enjoy being the spoiled princess but it was never so elegant, refined - or rather, it never required so much exquisite effort and never yielded such great reward for her.
the implications of a christian all girls school with such values locking up the girl who refuses to conform in an attempt to force her to do that become TRULY horrifying when you remember that she's explicitly queer btw.
(THEY PUT HER IN GAY BABY JAIL) (LITERALLY)
with all this in mind, satoko's love confession for rika in tatariakashi becomes satoko expressing how she's learned to accept her feelings for rika as a teenager/adult, and the desire to express that even though she's been made to feel like she cannot due to the kind of misogynistic and homophobic environment st. lucia and society as a whole are which tell her this is inherently wrong and problematic...
when satoko confesses that she learned to be honest about her romantic feelings for rika then talks about how she must've gone wrong somewhere for things to end up the way they currently are, the reaction of the witch side of herself is a cold "in my opinion you went wrong when you let those outdated emotions reject the current reality" and she proclaims herself a witch because satoko believes it's too late for that. it's too late for this nonsense. it's too late for her to exist as anything more than a predatory deviant, whose love will never be accepted outside of what she can exert within these loops - the loops where she'll never have to grow up or become an adult shackled by society's expectations.
witch satoko vs satoko is partially about satoko's internalized homophobia. human satoko loves rika and wants to be with her even though she knows she's done something wrong. witch satoko thinks she's a naïve idiot because of course she has. of course it's wrong. satoko isn't a child anymore. she needs to understand her position as a young woman in society.
the umineko vibes are really strong here. it's a duel of love. who is right? who will win the duel to earn the right to exist? whose type of love and happiness will supplement the other's? a more metaphorical interpretation of being lost in paranoia and losing one's self to the trauma, mental illness and othering. it's just like yasu. yasu who is one yet many. yasu who struggles as they became complicit in the worst crimes. yasu who fought for their love. yasu who wanted to be seen and stopped. and satoko.
witch satoko wins the love duel.
the way she goes "you claim to be satoko, but you are the leavings of an old fragment" HITS SO HARD
satoko is denying herself, burying herself, killing herself, from the most literal to the most allegorical. satoko isn't a person. satoko is a witch. not a young lady of an academy, nor the daughter of many men. satoko houjou is a witch. free of gender expectations. free of her trauma and abuse. she's to stay within fragments and die there. satoko houjou is a witch.
this is the perfect expression of depersonalization and trauma in a single image btw
it's the splitting. the black and white perspective. demonizing and dehumanizing yourself. demonizing and glorifying others too. dissociating from your feelings and from reality. c-ptsd. C-PTSD GIRL OF ALL TIME. IT'S TOO LATE TO LOVE RIKA YOU SHOULD JUST DIE.
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[“You’re weak. You need me.”]
•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•
ೃ⁀➷: summary: you tried to escape from azul's grasp, it did not end well.
ೃ⁀➷: Word count: 1030
ೃ⁀➷: Reference/Inspiration: N/A
ೃ⁀➷: Event: [200 followers event]
[note:] If there is anything else triggering here that I didn’t list in the warnings section, please tell me. I don’t condone this type of behavior, this is merely just for entertaining purposes and some sort of coping mechanism for me. If you continue to read beyond this point, ignoring my warnings, I am not responsible for your actions from here on out.
[Warnings:] bad oneshot, lowercase, maybe occ azul, yandere behavior, establish relationship, breaking up, monopolizing time, one mention about azul's past (though it isn't really talked about), clingy behavior, stalking behavior, social isolation, stalking (the eel twins), drugging (psilocybin).
[GN reader]
♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ :Azul Ashengrotto;
AZUL ASHENGROTTO, a well-known 2nd year student in night raven college (long before you arrived), dorm leader of octavinelle dormitory, owner of the cafe called monstro lounge, and someone who you love oh so dearly.
used to love, at least.
it wasn't until then that azul had grown a little too.. keen on keeping your time occupied with him and limited with other people. at first, you didn't think much of it; considering azul's past you thought maybe he would eventually grow out of it. if you simply show him, he can trust you. whether it be twisted wonderland or your own world, you wouldn't leave him for someone else. lately though, it's been getting more difficult to keep that promise. with how frequently azul asks questions about your day, even such specifics ones. asking what time you've eaten breakfast, how much time you've spent with your friends, who were you with in each classes. the classes you have with him feel almost suffocating. he hasn't done anything to you yet no air can breathe through your lungs, almost as if you're drowning just by his presence alone.
even when he isn't around, you can feel his gaze constantly on your back. never really there but always watching you. you couldn't sleep nor focus for weeks, all because of these unceasing feeling of being on edge caused by him. sometime later, you've found out that the eel twins have been following you around in campus, a direct order from azul you presume. it wasn't too bad, at first. you didn't think it would cause almost everyone one campus to avoid like a plague. even some of your closest friends stopped talking to you. though you weren't sure what were azul's intentions, you knew none of them are good. so in a desperate need to solve your current predicament, you decide to confront azul about the matter.
"care to repeat that again, dear? i think i misheard you the first ti-"
"i said, we're done. do i need to repeat it the third time?"
you're standing standing in the vip lounge, staring straight at him, in front of his desk with stacked piles of paper. he was looking down, viewing the contents of the papers yet listening to every word you said. you weren't entirely sure how he would react to such news, in case that happens you nervously braced for any sort of reaction he might have.
"..why is that so? you aren't one to do something without a reason, prefect."
he looked up from the papers, his cool gray eyes finally stared back at yours, you struggle to maintain eye contact with him. you haven't been able to see him eye to eye due to the circumstances. this is the first time you've seen his eyes up close in forever. you've forgotten how those were the same eyes that brought you ease and comfort, now all they bring were anxiety and paranoia. you look away in hope of getting rid of these feelings but alas it only gotten worse.
"you haven't answered my question, prefect. you should know i am not a person to have much time on my hands."
you hear him say with a stern voice, he's getting impatient. though you aren't entirely sure what to say to him. slowly looking back at him, his face remain neutral. calm, even... he was hard to read, you thought if you knew him well enough you'd be able to read him just a little bit. you struggle to give an answer under his watchful gaze, eventually you gave out a unsure answer.
"i.. i don't think this relationship.. can work anymore, azul.."
stuttering out the best response you can give at that moment, you pray that azul will finally understand your point.
"i see.. very well then, you may go."
oh phew.. at least he reacted calmly this time. you weren't sure if you could handle another emotional outburst from him, especially with how tired you are.
...wait. did he say you can go? has a miracle finally happened!? has lady luck finally grant you your wishes!? whatever the reason is, it doesn't matter nor do you care. you're finally free, no more feeling of being watched, no more feeling of being lonely, no more of having to deal with azul's emotional outburst and overbearing behavior. you're free, free from all of it. more specifically, free from him. you happily reach for the door knob, yet you're frozen in place.
what is this sudden fear you're experiencing...? why does it feel like time is slowing down..? why does everything look so distorted..? why is your heart racing..!? you start to feel your breath shortening. since when was it so hard to breathe!? you lean against a wall, clutching your chest in hopes you'll start to calm down. you didn't. you can't help but start to cry, what's happening to you? why now of all times!? what makes it worse, you're still in the same room with azul. isn't he gonna help you? since when was he standing in front of you..? you could hardly distinguish his figure but you can tell by the faint voice you hear that the person standing before you in definitely and certainly azul.
he gentle holds you in his embrace, helping you be stabilize so you do not fall onto the floor. holds your cheek in the palm of one of his hands and rest the other onto your waist. his hands are soft and tender, you've forgotten how it felt to be held by him like this. you lean into his touch, slowly losing the purpose of why you were so happy to reach the door knob.
"don't worry prefect, what you're experiencing is just some side effects. they'll go away soon."
side effects..? what does he mean by that...? you mutter a response yet it comes out as incomprehensive sounds. your brain starting to feel like mush by the second.
"do not fret, angelfish, i've taken upon myself to be held responsible for your well being. after all, you're weak. you need me. i promise, i'll take very good care of you..."
•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•
[a/n; oh god, first one shot as of the year 2023! thank you for requesting azul ashengrotto with dialogue 22#, anon! it was a pleasure writing this! never thought i had to search up 'drugs found in mushrooms' but here we are (i blame jade for this). idk if i wrote the psilocybin effects properly, so if there's any mistakes about it i'm sorry! i didn't actually wanted to really do this event cause it revolves a lot on one shot writing and you guys know I'm not really confident in that part but I decided to give it a try to maybe get some feedback on it and get better at it for future writing ideas and requests. so let me know if i did a good job! (p.s. the ending might be rushed, so sorry for that but i really wanted to post something!)]
#event💌#200 followers💌#200 followers event💌#Yandere event💌#200 followers yandere event💌#Yandere twisted wonderland#Yandere twst#Twisted wonderland#Twst#Yandere twisted wonderland x reader#Yandere twst x reader#Twisted wonderland x reader#Twst x reader#Azul Ashengrotto#Twisted wonderland Azul Ashengrotto#Yandere twisted wonderland Azul Ashengrotto#Twst Azul Ashengrotto#Yandere twst Azul Ashengrotto#┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ Yandere#⭒❃.✮:▹One-shot#gender neutral reader
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How do we think Annabeth coped with going to college in New Rome? Genuinely. She grew up at a camp where she was sure every moment could be her last. If she didn't train hard enough, if she couldn't outthink a monster or beat a trap or plan accordingly, she'd die. Her friends would die, her siblings would die (she already lost Thalia, even though she came back. She lost Luke, even though he betrayed her. Not to mention the countless siblings that must have died in the war.)
But...it's not just that. I feel like we've talked about how Percy and Annabeth would feel when they saw a city of grown up demigods with great grandkids something that's literally unheard of.
How do we think Annabeth coped with actually life? I mean cleaning the house and doing the dishes. I mean making sure she made time for herself besides work. I mean filing taxes and learning to drive and going grocery shopping. (She'd probably never work a retail job, but if she had to for some reason, what about that?)
You'd think it'd be obvious at first: she'd do great. But really? She grew up at a camp where she knew she was going to die young—hopefully in a blaze of glory. Where she was raised by other teenagers, where she was raising the kids younger than her. There's a solidarity in that, that New Rome won't have with their military system.
Not only would she lose her community, she'd lose the family and friends she'd spent her whole life around. The campers that are still alive were there for almost all her firsts. She went to camp at seven, seven years old, those people are her entire world.
So, now she's eighteen and living with her boyfriend in an actual city for the first time. Think about all the struggles she would have? New Rome would obviously have dyslexia and ADHD accommodations, almost everyone there has both. But...that can't fix everything. Those dyslexia accommodations are in Roman, not Greek, so it doesn't help any of the Greek demigods. The ADHD accommodations might not even exist because of New Rome's army. I feel like they would've been taught to suppress their ADHD and not let it get in the way of conformity and discipline (the roman way of fighting). It'd be seen as a form of weakness if they let those impulses take over them. (See how Jason and Hazel and Reyna act in the books. Though this could be chalked up to inconsistent writing.)
How does she deal with rigid scheduling of New Rome vs the lax, teenage-run camp of her youth? The discipline aspect can't mend well with her ADHD, especially when she's spent the last eleven years around people who get it. When she's spent the last eleven years not having to comply to "normal society" standards. Do you think she had problems with deadlines for classes she didn't like? Because she hyper fixated on architecture design, she wouldn't have had a problem with designing Olympus. But for her English class that she's has to take to graduate? No way, she'd procrastinate the hell out of it. What about waking up for her eight am when she has a really good idea for a new design and just needs a couple more minutes...and suddenly its hours later and Percy is home and she's losing participation points because she can't remember to go to class.
What about anxiety? Annabeth hasn't been around these people before. Not like at camp, where she knew everyone. That must ease the anxiety quite a bit. The social aspect gets easier because most everyone grew up with that little girl who stumbled into camp. She already knew Grover, and had Luke to hold her hand through social interactions when she was younger. By the time she got older she has that confidence in herself to be able to mess around and have fun with these people. But to New Rome, she's a war leader, she's a Greek demigod. She's an unknown variable that they don't know how to deal with.
How could she talk to them? None of them knew her as the kid who would take any dare. Or heard her ramble on and on about her hyper fixations to anyone who would listen. They don't see her prank the Stolls back (you can't tell me she wouldn't) or run through the strawberry fields after a rainstorm and get covered in mud for the fun of it.
No, all they saw was a war leader and someone who had clawed their way back from Tartarus. They saw how she spoke about the Gods when they still respected them. They heard that she traversed to Olympus all the time while she remodeled it. She spoke to Gods that none of her peers could dream of being in the presence of.
How could she make friends with those people? With people who didn't understand the blood, sweat, and tears it took to get here. With people who respected an institution Annabeth had long since given up on. With people who saw her for her titles and her quests rather than who she was as a person.
Looping back around, let's go to real life stuff. Annabeth had to pay for things on quests, but do we really think she knows how money works? At camp, everyone basically uses drachmas. And even then, their basic needs are being met. They don't have to pay for food, housing, water, etc. You can't tell me Chiron takes the camp van to the mall whenever year-round campers want clothes. They're either bought for them, or the Aphrodite kids make it, or one of the older kids goes out with the camp credit card and just...buys the whole store to bring back. Drachmas are usually only used for bets and dealing with entities on quests.
For the first time in her life, (since she was seven and really seven year olds don't understand how money works, not matter how smart they are. Plus Luke or Thalia would probably be the ones buying stuff, since they were older and it'd be less questionable if they walked into a store by themselves than a little kid.) her basic needs aren't guaranteed. If she fucks up, it's her fault. Do you think she drained their bank account buying something at the store (because, again, she hasn't really gone to those other than when she's on a quest) and had a panic attack over the fact that she, Annabeth Chase, who commanded armies over two wars, who was known as one of the greatest demigods to date, just fucked up big time? Because she wasn't used to having to spend the money on rent and textbooks and supplies for her architecture business. Because food was always there for her to eat when she was hungry and the water always ran and the lights never went out? Do you think that after all this time she forgot that stuff like that wasn't always going to be there?
She grew up thinking she was going to die young. She was going to die at Camp Half-Blood where those things would always be in full stock.
What about the apartment? She's not used to having her own kitchen, or bathroom that wasn't communal. Do you think she sought out the snacks her siblings liked before remembering that she siblings weren't there, they were hundred of miles away in New York. Do you think she knew how to clean an entire house? How to keep a house clean? Obviously as Head Counselor of the Athena Cabin, she'd make sure it was clean in time for inspections. But did that include kids using chemicals to deep clean? Did that include remembering to vacuum under the furniture every so often, or did they leave it since Chiron didn't look under there. (Again, everyone here is teenagers at the oldest, they're not gonna want to deep clean). Do you think that she didn't pick up clutter because she was so used to rushing last minute to make sure her and her sibling's clutter was clean in time for inspections that the thought of doing it regularly just...never crossed her mind?
Also, driving. We know Percy learned for Paul when he turned fifteen (aka the iconic horse hooves on the hood of the car scene), but who taught Annabeth? Did any of the older campers know? Did Luke? They either got drove around by Argus or didn't leave. They had pegasi to fly around camp and boats of war. Who was going to sit down with fifteen year old Annabeth and teach her how to drive? Especially with the war getting close. Nobody would have time, even if they wanted to. Who was going to take fifteen year old Annabeth Chase to get her drivers permit when they were making plans of attack instead. After the war, Percy went missing and all her time was taken up looking for him. You can't tell me she took driving classes when she was tearing the world apart to find him.
We also know Annabeth doesn't like to have to depend on other people. Since they either died or betrayed her. So how would she feel walking into a world where it's hard to get around without a car. Buses can be inconsistent and close early. Idk about a subway system in California, but still there's that dependance on other peoples' schedules. She'd have to have friends drive her to and from places, but again, she left most of her community behind in New York. She can't just use Blackjack to get around if she goes into the mortal world.
I'm not sure, I'd just like to see more explorations of Annabeth dealing with mundane tasks she never learned how to do. I want to see the impact of living when she thought she was going to die young and not knowing how to deal with adult things. I want to see how she reaches to the institution of New Rome and how people treat her. I want to see how she feels when she never thought she'd have to pay taxes or worry about apartments and yet...there is she.
#i'm back on my character study bullshit#I just think we should acknowledge annabeth's trauma more often#outside of the wars too#annabeth chase#new rome#percy jackson#heroes of olympus#percy jackon and the olympians#character study
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Last night was the most fun I've had in ages! Between the Oscars and the Kensington Palace nightmare, it was truly my superbowl but like my superbowl this year if you were a Swifty who lives in Kansas City. Just a night tailor made for me.
Here are my thoughts!
Kp press officer should be fired. They should know better than to release a photoshopped image without disclosing it. Like, that's the scandal. The photoshop isn't hiding anything, the trees are actually green, charlotte isn't wearing two different shoes-- they seem to have replaced Charlotte probably to just get a photo with a good smile from everyone. But when you're releasing a photo to stop speculation, you just have to do better! it's gotta be impeccable! loved kate's super passive aggressive "hope everyone had a nice mother's day" in her statement.
I think Oppenheimer won exactly what it should have (except for RDJ, which just... the academy needs to look to younger men. They love a starlet and hate a ... baby star man, idk, we don't even have a word for it. But they just hate nominating younger men and giving them awards even less!) It won a lot but largely in technical categories, which is where it excelled. That was fine!
The more I think about American Fiction, the angrier I get? I don't like that it was only partially a story about making black stories interesting for white people, and sold as ENTIRELY a story that would make it seem interesting for white people. The very best part of the movie was a domestic drama about an upper class black family that was struggling to be accepted by the mainstream. But like, the family drama was it! I didn't like how it was sold (but would white people watch a black family domestic drama? truly don't know!) and I don't think it should have been awarded for that, as much as I really liked huge parts of the movie and also Cord Jefferson's speech.
Emma was great, I wish Lily had won, I think Lily feels more like the center of the movie than the star of it, and the oscars love a physical performance. SHOW ME YOU'RE ACTING, either by portraying a real person or by using your body in weird and wacky ways. Ok!
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how messi clapped and I saw a bts clip and it was his back paws and also was pre-taped.
Fashion didn't wow me but it's not really a Fashion night (outside of Colman and Sandra), it's a Glamour night, and there was plenty of that. I have the Met Gala and Cannes to look forward to Fashion.
Genuinely can't believe that Killers of the Flower Moon was a total shut out. It seemed like a masterpiece to me. What did I see that other people didn't get??
Overall it was a great oscars. Even without a ton of tension there were nice bits and good songs and it moved quickly and none of the technical categories felt draggy and it was just a lot of fun!
What a night!!
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Hey, could you write an Eddie Munson smut where the reader and Eddie have been friends with benefits for a long time and while having sex the reader accidentally says I love you? I hope that makes sense lol
𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑. + 𝐄𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐍
masterlist. / taglist. / any request?
synopsis. you love your boyfriend Steve so much, but you also couldn’t help the hold that the curly haired bass player had over you.
pairing. eddie munson x reader , steve harrington x reader
word count. 2.1k
genre and warnings. 18+ nsfw under the cut. minors dni, angst, fem!popular!reader, perv!eddie, sneaky link, cheating, manipulation, phone sex, jealousy, toxic relationship, semi public sex, blue balls, edging, teasing, eddie being a side hoe, raw dogging the beta read | — I wrote your prompt all fluffy at first and then got bored so i just rewrote it all as a cheating scenario for the angst :) don't forget to reblog 🤍
Eddie knew that you and Steve were dating, along with the rest of the students and teachers that caught you two grinding on each other in the hidden make out spots at Hawkins high school.
You two fit into the cookie cutter: high school cheerleader dating popular jock cliche, Hawkins high school's perfect star couple.
You two met by chance. During lunch, most of the athletes would all group together, taking up at least two tables in the cafeteria, not to mention their girlfriends that would cling to them.
Eddie was making a scene, declaring his importance this year. He was bound to graduate and skip town the moment that he had the chance.
Jason was the first to call him out for being a freak, and right behind him was your "people-pleaser" boyfriend, Steve, grilling Eddie with any insult that he could think of on the spot.
That was the moment that your gaze locked on the metal head. It was like something had switched on in your mind.
There was just something that you found so charming about his scattered graying tattoos, the wild unkempt hair, the silver rings that adorned his long fingers, and the big brown-eyed glare that he gave your boyfriend.
Eddie had eyes as well. He was simply just another teenage boy with needs. He couldn’t just sit there and pretend not to notice you stealing glances at him across the room.
The way you would smirk at him, despite sitting on Steve’s lap, it was like you wanted the jock to stand up and beat Eddie to a pulp.
You didn't see anything wrong with looking. It's not like your boyfriend wasn’t open about gawking at the underclass named Nancy Wheeler.
So you saw it as fair play, and Eddie wasn’t the type to never pass down a compliment from a pretty girl. it's not like you’d actually make any other advances, at least that's what he had thought.
Eddie didn't consider himself much of a homewrecker, and he was surprised that a woman as beautiful as you would even be in his league.
This was why he was even more confused when a note with your phone number found its way into his locker. At first, he thought it was some type of prank at first, balling up the notebook paper and tossing it aside.
Steve finally caught onto his girlfriend's dirty little secret, but there you were standing in front of his desk in English class, personally delivering another note with your number scribbled in black ink with a little smiley face.
His face flushed as he couldn't help but struggle to keep eye contact, looking directly at your cleavage, your tits peeking just enough from your button-up top. The things that he would do just to play with your tits were almost criminal.
As quickly as you came, you were gone, rushing to your assigned seat, leaving Eddie to his thoughts. It was like you had cursed him into a trance; his entire day was spent fidgeting with the folded note.
When the school day had ended, you were still on his mind during D&D club, band practice, and even later that night, when his hand had pushed past the elastic of his boxers.
Eddie had felt tainted, and no matter how many times he touched himself, you were the only thing on his mind.
It was a spark of confidence that made him get up and call in the dead of night. He wanted to hear it all from you if this weird feeling that you made him feel was truly just some spell you had put on him.
That's when it happened again. He was hard and it was all your fucking fault.
He couldn't help but think of you, how your voice sounded, the curve of your ass in tight denim, how you would fidget with the charm on your necklace, making him stare directly at your tits, and how badly he wanted to explore every curve and crevice of your body.
It was almost pathetic how easily you had him wrapped around your finger without even speaking a single word to him.
"Hello?" Your soothing voice hummed over the phone in a way that made his erection twitch against the loose material of his boxers.
"Hey, uh, it’s—it's Eddie….Munson. From school." Eddie spoke in a hushed tone, settling his back against his headboard as he sat down.
"Well, Eddie Munson from school, you do know it's kinda late to be calling on a school night." You asked with a teasing tone in your voice, the sound of your rustling coming through the phone. "But luckily, I want to talk to you."
"So what do you wanna talk about?" Eddie flushed at the compliment, his head tilting down, glancing at his obvious problem that you were making worse.
"I have an idea," you whispered, Eddie, listening intently on the other side of the phone.
"Yeah, what is it?"
"I’m a little curious about what you think about while you're touching yourself." Your tone had fallen to a seductive whisper.
Eddie audibly sighed against the receiver, "I am thinking about you." He admits
"Hm, me?" Your voice lulled, almost humored by his transparency. "Are you touching yourself right now, Eds?" You called him Eds, and it was like you knew the effect you had on him.
What were you even whispering into his ear like that? It was like you wanted him to imagine the lewdest things about you, like you were baiting him with the most irresistible trap just for him.
The rush of his heartbeat rushing to everywhere else but his brain, the bulge in his boxers practically waving up at him as Eddie gripped himself through the cotton.
You must have heard his shuffling about, knowing your words would do something to him, because he could hear you chuckle before you spoke. "Come on Eddie, don't leave me hanging, baby." It was as if you were taunting him, the little sexy devil hovering on his shoulder, coaxing him to give into his eagerness.
"Yeah," he had finally built up just enough courage to form one answer, the answer coming out in a whisper as if he were confessing to the most heinous crime known to man.
His head resting against the wood of the wall of his headboard, as he could only stare down at his fingers squeezing at the print of his dick for any sense of relief, he sat up stiffly like he had refused to move even an inch without your permission.
"What are you thinking about? Are you thinking about me? My boobs?" You asked as if you two were having the most normal conversation, Eddie even flinching at the vulgar word as it slipped from your tongue.
"I like your boobs," Eddie answered, unable to even think straight as he felt completely vulnerable against your voice.
All he could think about were all the good your tits looked like all the time.
In any top, it was just impossible not to sneak a look. Especially if you were wearing a bright-colored bra with a strap that would peak from the shoulder of your shirt. It was like a pathetic guessing game trying to imagine what design you had hidden under.
"I love it when you wear shirts that show them off," he confessed, "Sometimes, I just—I just want them in my mouth, to leave marks all over them."
"How do you think Steve would feel about that, Eddie? If you left marks all over his girl, "the question was asked in a taunting tone, another unbothered chuckle that made him shiver.
"I want you to be mine." Eddie replied, leaving a pause in the conversation.
"Don’t say that."
"Why not?"
"Because I think I might fall in love with you."
And just as quickly as you came, you went to the end of the line, turning into the dial tone.
The next time Eddie pumped into you was only just a few days after you had blue balled him over the phone. His ear now used the ignored dial of your number as you had seemed to just completely forgotten about him.
That was what he had thought before you had cornered him in the abandoned restroom.
Eddie was hunched against one of the sinks, hiding tucked away as he skipped his English class, heading to the basement restrooms knowing that the teachers wouldn't bother walking that far to bust any of the students that smoked there. "Hey there, pretty boy."
The cigarette fell from his lips, disregarded as you stepped closer to him caging him against the sink between your arms peering up at him with your eyes squinting paired with that smile that dared for him to do something as if making his heart rapid beat against his chest was just another stage in your emotionally tolling game he was being forced to play.
"Someone might see us," Eddie said the moment your lips dared to close against his neck, leaning so far away from you that his lower back was pressing against the porcelain sink.
"But I've missed you so much, Eds." He had expected you to pull away, to distance yourself as much as you possibly could in the realization that anyone could walk in at any given moment, including Steve, but all you did was smirk and chuckle at his shyness before your lips started provoking the whimpering, pathetic sounds from his mouth.
Your hands trailed down his chest to the waist of his jeans until you could feel your way to his growing erection that pressed against his pants.
A gasp from his lips seemed to entice an evil reaction from you as Eddie felt your teeth nip at his skin along with the marks of your smile.
And then the bell rang throughout the school, flinching as you pulled away from his neck, swiping your thumb against a part of his skin.
"Marked you," you slyly commented, leaving Eddie once more.
You were going to be the death of him.
★ . . . !
The song humming in the air from Eddie’s shitty stereo, probably from some obscure metal band that you would never remember the name of, all just noise paired with the lewd sound of skin on skin.
Your moans were another thing. Even with your face buried in the blankets of the mattress, you couldn't help the volume of the sounds of pleasure that slipped from your lips.
Your ass was arched in the hair with a pillow tucked under your hips, both of your hands being bound against your backside with just one of Eddie’s hands, the other helping guide your hips to meet his thrust at a rough pace.
"Oh g—god, hm shit." You exhale with your mouth agape, feeling Eddie grab a fistful of your hair and yank your neck up.
It was like a dream having you sweat under him, begging to be fucked, finally biting back and being able to defeat you at your own game, your constant teasing always leaving Eddie with the short end of the stick, all until he finally figured you out.
His reward being the feeling of his dick finally sinking into your folds, burying himself deep into the place he wanted to oh so dearly, leaving him feeling like his head was in the clouds, finally thinking he had beat you at your own game.
"So good Eds. You make me feel so much better." And then you went and said shit like that, taunting him into remembering that he still hasn't completely won you over.
If he hadn't had you spread out pounding your brains out, he'd be convinced you’d be smirking up at him knowing the effect it had on him when you brought up your boyfriend when he had you in his arms like this.
"Tell me you love me." It was like you were always one step behind, always, and like all you could do was stir his emotions as you actually laughed at him, making a frown spread across his face.
It was all just a joke to you, how he felt about you, using Steve to get into his head. He wasn’t dumb, he knew you were using him, but like always, your lips seemed to pull it back in.
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#[ ⇢ ˗ˏˋ ★ — t.wrks. ]#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson smut#steve harrington#steve harrington x reader#stranger things
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Could we have a Jotaro confessing to his Fem! reader friend? It can be post-part3. I wanna know how he confess to her ;3
Prom || Jotaro Kujo x Reader
cw: female reader, fluff, light swearing/flashback, unedited
summary: (post-SDC) jotaro uses this chance to ask out his long time friend and crush
a/n: I've just had the last official day of year 11 and wow the leavers assembly was bittersweet 💔
MASTERLIST
Final exams were over! All your and your peers' hard work had paid off, so now all you have to worry about is the prom next week.
That should be fine, right? Wrong.
There is an immense pressure to go with someone, as a date, to the prom and time was running out. To make the situation worse, your friends were the ones who put that idea in your head. Of course, she already had her boyfriend so she didn't exactly see the struggle of not having anyone to go with romantically and you didn't exactly feel like third-wheeling. This special night was supposed to be fun for everyone.
You had a few decent guy friends, some of which were just going to go with a friend or by themselves thanks to the double standards, but if you were to choose... you'd go with Jotaro Kujo.
Here's the thing: you have no idea how he truly feels about you, and if he even wanted to go to the prom. Avoiding your feelings, you decided to just not say anything and hope your friend doesn't berate you for not bringing anyone.
Walking to your locker, you clutched your belongings to your stomach and let out a breath you didn't realise you were holding. You changed your shoes, put away the materials you didn't need, and tied your jacket around your waist. It was cold earlier, but now it's fairly warm and you didn't want to become sweaty as you walk home.
"Hey, (Y/N)." A rough voice called out from behind you as you started walking in the direction of your home. You turned around, eyes meeting with none other than Jotaro himself.
"Hey, Jotaro." You offered a subtle smile in return as you kept walking. He easily matched your pace considering how much taller he was.
The two of you have only been friends since the beginning of the first year of high school when you were put in nearly every class and sat next to each other for a majority of them.
You remember finding yourself low-key missing his presence in the time he spent away doing who knows what at the beginning of this year. He came back covered in bandages, but he talked to you as if he never left so you decided against asking about it.
"Can I talk to you about something?" Oh look, your heart rate has never been quicker. Not even when your PE teacher forced the entire class to do cross country in the intense snow while only wearing a t-shirt and shorts.
"Uh, sure." You attempted to sound relaxed, but your voice did not translate that well.
"I'm gonna get straight to the point, I've liked you for a while and I would like to take you to the prom. Maybe after we can go get food and chill out, see where the night takes us... I guess. If that's what you want, I don't mind." He said it a little too fast, but you heard every single word.
Holy shit.
One thing's for sure: you weren't expecting that. You didn't catch it because you were both faced away from each other, and the sunset reflecting in the house windows had the both of you slightly squinting, but he stole quite a few nervous glances at your glowing appearance. He thought the sunset just made you look somehow even prettier.
During his time in Egypt, he found himself thinking about you quite a lot, typically in the quieter moments whether that be on a breezy balcony or half falling asleep in the back of a car...only to be interrupted by Joseph's reckless driving.
He had a lot of alone time with Polnareff, so naturally the topic of potential love interests came up.
----
"What about you, Jotaro?"
"What about me?"
"Well, I talk quite frequently about girls... but what about you? Do you have a girlfriend in your life? A crush, maybe?"
The ever-stoic delinquent slowly looked over to meet the prying eyes of the swordsman and gave him an unreadable expression.
"I'm being serious!" Polnareff exclaimed, "I'm not going to tease or anything, I'm just curious! I swear!"
"Good grief." Jotaro shook his head in disbelief, not being able to get you out of his head.
"Please! I won't tell Mr. Joestar, you have my word!" He continued to plead as the teenager took his offer into consideration.
"Tell anyone and I'll kill you myself." He began before Polnareff let out a quiet cheer. "There's a girl in pretty much every class... had a crush on her for ages. To be honest, I can't stop thinking about her. This trip certainly doesn't help. Not only am I worried about her being in danger, but it's making me worry if I'm going to be able to return to her so I can tell her how I feel. Plus, it's making me want to take her around the world...for quality time, obviously. I wouldn't put her life in danger like that, I don't think she's a stand user either."
Polnareff nodded in understanding before talking, "ah, young love."
"Shut it."
"Never thought the cold and closed off Jotaro Kujo would go soft for a girl- OW!" Jotaro flicked Polnareff's forehead to shut him up.
"You said you wouldn't tease."
"You know I couldn't help myself!"
"Good grief..."
----
The much larger teenager stopped in his tracks to look at you, and you looked back at him in return. His aqua eyes stared in anticipation, you wouldn't have known but he was nervous. He had a feeling you reciprocated the feeling, but there's always a chance of you saying no.
"I- wow, I'd love to!" You exclaimed, a wide grin making its way onto your face. "I mean, yeah, I think it'd be fun." You said after, trying to collect yourself and appear cooler, which didn't convince the either of you.
"Great, I'll pick you up at 6:30 so we can get there for 7." There was a subtle smile that rested on his seemingly perfect features.
"Great!" You echoed, the smile widening and Jotaro noticed a certain sparkle to your eyes that made you all the more cuter to him.
He walked you all the way to your house to make sure you'd arrive safely. Once you arrived, you turned to each other once more. You simply smiled at him and stood on your tip-toes to press a quick kiss to his cheek.
"I honestly can't wait, see you around Jojo!" You shouted as you walked up to your front door.
"Yeah, can't wait either." He mumbled, only turning around to keep walking to his place when you had walked into your house and shut the door.
Of course, you were barely in the door when your mother sprinted through to interrogate you as she saw the interaction through the window. This should be fun.
That doesn't matter though, Jotaro asked you to the prom next week!
#jotaro kujo x reader#jotaro kujo#jjba x reader#fluff#jjba fluff#stardust crusaders#jean pierre polnareff#joseph joestar#jjba stardust crusaders#jjba part 3
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Hi! Just writing to let you know that radical feminism isn’t “pure hatred”, and that the vast majority of women who support it don’t care half as much about people identifying as trans as they do care about protecting marginalized women worldwide (whose issues are fundamentally unable to transcend their biological sex in the way alternative feminism dictates). You said in the tags of a recent post that you’ve spent “so many years trying to understand” radical feminism, which is confusing, because it’s a relatively straightforward approach to feminism. No radfem is ever going to dictate how someone should or shouldn’t dress or behave. The single defining feature is just that radfems argue that how someone dresses and behaves should not be conflated with biological sex or be indicative of a societal gender norm. The entire concept is that boys can wear dresses and girls can wear pants and they are still male and female. Radical feminism strives for the elimination of gender and gender roles!
Genuinely hope you have a good day :) you don’t need to reply to this, I won’t see it anyway, but you really don’t have to prove anything to anyone either. Your beliefs should be yours, not something you feel the need to repeatedly reaffirm to an online public to stay socially acceptable.
Peace:)
Hey anon, thanks for the polite message, I do appreciate it. I'm gonna use this ask to share my perspective a bit more, and while you definitely don't have to continue this conversation if you don't want, if you have any further thoughts I'm happy to hear them!!
Essay below about my history with the phrase and community of "radfems/terfs"
I do acknowledge that in my original post I used the term "radfem" in that tag where I meant to use the term "terf", however in the past 10ish years I've found that the people who use these terms to describe their identity haven't given me any reason to differentiate the two terms.
When I joined Tumblr in 2013, I had already been involved with the queer community for a year, learning about the different corners of the community and our history. At that point, I had accidentally stumbled across the small "radfem" community that had started leaning into the "terf" category of identification on Tumblr specifically.
I remember this movement was relatively small but in any post I saw celebrating trans-ness or gender, there would be somebody with a "radfem" tag in their username trying DESPERATELY to shut down the joy. Comments filled with "you can't change your gender!" type beat, y'know? At the time, I figured it would die out and I moved on.
Suddenly a few years later, I'm on Twitter and I see a particularly famous children's author involving herself in the community I had forgotten about years before, liking posts about whatever the current drama was about and getting herself involved with the whole "you can't change your gender!" type beat, and whaddya know, it BLOWS up.
Now, let's take a few steps back. I'm somebody that struggled with fitting into same sex groups for my entire life. My childhood sport was same sex, my gym classes, the bathrooms, all the things that people don't really think too much about. For me, it came with a body rocking form of anxiety about things like my body being witnessed, the possibility of getting made fun of (which happened if I wasn't keeping an eye out), trying to fit into conversations that I wasn't really interested in because it's what people my sex and my age were talking about, I was getting denied opportunities from my parents because I was interested in activities that weren't typically for my assigned gender.
Funnily enough, I came across some old posts of mine from 2014, 3 years before I came out, that are absolutely mourning my assigned sex and begging to be anything other than my assigned sex. I didn't want my assigned sex to be perceived, I wanted my gender to stop controlling my life. Once I realized that being nonbinary (or agender, as I prefer) was an option and I could partially transition in order to become more androgynous, it has made my life MILES better. I have never thrived so happily in my body without my reproductive organs and a minor level of HRT, and I would encourage anyone looking for androgyny to discuss HRT options with their doctor because it seriously changed my life.
NOW, let's come back to how that's relevant to "radical feminism". In the last 10 years that I've acknowledged that phrase, I have never met a person who uses that phrase with the intention of including transgender people. I would genuinely like to know if anyone knows any people who identify as a "radical feminist" with the intention of including transgender people, cuz they're not doing a very good job of making themselves visible right now.
I live in a country that already has 3 different regions currently attempting to remove transgender people from the vocabulary of anyone under the age of 18, something that I would've THRIVED with the knowledge of as a teenager. If I knew that puberty blockers were an option, I would've avoided 8 years of incredible intestinal pain, dysphoria, depression and more. That's my choice.
I'm of the same opinion that anyone should be able to wear whatever they want and present however they want, along with identifying however they want. If a boy wants to wear a dress then that's so good for him, but if it's an 18 year old trans boy who wants to wear a dress, he is still valid as a man, whereas I've seen typical terfs argue that a trans man wearing a dress means he wants to stay a girl, therefore should just identify as a girl.
If we're genuinely talking about a group of people who identify as "radical feminists" and don't have a single opinion about transgender people I would like to know who they are, because from my perspective "rad fems" are the exact same group of people as TERFs.
To wrap this all up, my fiance is a transgender man. He was actually a huge influence to help me come out myself and better my life, and I'll forever be thankful for his kindness and education. My best friends are all trans or genderless, my sibling is nonbinary, the 3 different women I would run away with if they asked me to are transgender women... ahem
I love transgender people. I love people who play with their own genetics and put themselves through years of medical stress to be the best versions of themselves. Transgender people have been the kindest community I've ever interacted with, the most selfless group of individuals, the most in tune with their own minds and bodies and the world around them. I love their resilience and their strength in a world that wants them to desist, and I will always be on the side of transgender people.
This blog is not censored for appeal, nor will I ever post anything to satisfy any form of masses. This blog is my own beliefs, and my beliefs are that trans people are (pardon my pun) rad as fuck.
#lexis ESSAYS#my GOD#lexis thoughts#not dnp#lgbtq+#lgbtqia#queer#if u couldn't tell this is one of my passions#i will talk about how much i love trans people until i die#trans rights are human rights
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since the hogwarts housing essay i wrote at midnight is by far my most popular post as of yet, here's part two: stereotypes and prejudice
so, in part one, i focused mainly on the more tangible problems like how subjective the placement of each person is and the distribution problems, but the big issue i didn't really touch on is stereotyping.
obviously, each house is there to give kids a chance to find their people and figure out their values and place in life, so they are categorical, and labels are gonna arise no matter what. however, those labels, at least in the case of hogwarts, are really bad about forcing people into boxes. people can argue that hogwarts is uniform enough that just spending time around their house isn't enough to really influence a person's personality or life course, but the opinions of others is actually a huge way we develop our self-concept especially while we're young. now imagine the entire wizarding community of the British Isles telling you you've been sorted into the brave house, or the smart house, or the kind house, or the cunning house (or more often the evil house). that's akin to a prophecy, and it's gonna take a lot to change a kid's perception of themselves. it's the same concept of a teacher telling a student they're particularly good at math but struggle in english. now that they know they do good in a certain subject without effort, they're more likely to try harder in math to improve on their "talent", but they're also more likely to not put much effort into english because, "if i'm naturally bad at it, there's not much i can do at this point." now let's transfer that idea to hogwarts: if a kid is sorted into gryffindor, the first thing a person will tell them is not, "wow, you must be so smart!" it's, "wow, you must be so brave!" how brave can an 11 year old actually be? unless there are extenuating circumstances like in the cases of Harry and Remus, there aren't many reasons an 11 year old would already see themselves as brave. however, now that they have that idea in their head, bravery seems more like a birthright rather than something they have to achieve. on the other hand, intelligence becomes a far away ideal that is just that much harder to achieve because if they're not in ravenclaw, that must mean they don't have the same capacity for learning as the ravenclaw kids. obviously this isn't true, but it's only not true if a kid has a particular drive to succeed academically. gryffindors (and hufflepuffs) now see studying as optional because there isn't any pressure to be great in this area. (clearly, there are exceptions, namely hermione, remus, lily, etc., but their dedication to their studies says more about their questionable sortings and need to prove bloodpurist and ableist prejudice wrong than anything else), in place of that pressure comes even more pressure to always be brave. ideally, each person is sorted into their perfect house and the pressure never becomes too much. that is simply impossible. while people like james and sirius might thrive in this sort of environment, people like neville and peter will crack under the pressure. where neville allowed himself several small cracks over the years (typically in potions class) and came out better for it, peter spent seven years pretending to be as brave as his friends and finally when the opportunity came, switched to the dark side where he wouldn't have to act like anything other than what he was: a rat. likewise, i wouldn't be surprised if ravenclaw has the most mental breakdowns during finals week (if hermione is any example) or if hufflepuffs have the worst outbursts when the general horribleness of the world gets to be too much. of course, we know slytherins have spectacular reactions to pressure: regulus dying in pursuit of horcruxes, andromeda running away, draco letting snape kill dumbledore, snape calling lily a mudblood. the list goes on.
now, circling back to the boxes the housing system forces people into, stereotypes aggressively push this issue. for example, anyone from any house can be on a quidditch team. however, as bravery isn't really relevant in day-to-day activities (unless, of course, you're a werewolf or living with the house of black) and it is traditionally seen as a heroic trait that a brave knight or a greek hero would have, aiding a character physically, it is easier for gryffindors to fall into the jock category without the added academic pressure of ravenclaw or slytherin or the practically negative competitiveness of hufflepuff. why is it that five of the seven weasley kids played quidditch and two of them were considered quidditch greats at hogwarts, and one went on to play quidditch professionally? throughout harry's time at hogwarts, gryffindor rarely lost a game. i haven't read the books in a while, but i don't think draco ever beat harry to the snitch, either. this isn't a coincidence. gryffindors just have more time and pressure for quidditch greatness. slytherin is in my opinion the worst about this. the second people learn they're part of a house that has only made evil wizards (a lie if there ever was one) and that no matter what they do, the wizarding world will always think of them as evil because of their house, why should they try to make anyone think otherwise? even if they become a great hero or, heck, a healer or professor, the second people learn that they were in slytherin, that person will automatically be aligned with evil. not through any fault of their own, of course, just due to stereotypes. the same thing happens with gryffindors and hufflepuffs, although not to the same extent. people often assume they aren't as smart as ravenclaws and slytherins even though some of the smartest wizards came out of those houses. one of the worst, though, is that if a kid isn't in gryffindor, they feel no need to be brave, slytherins especially. it took regulus eighteen years to find the courage to do what he knew was right, and even then he didn't do it in the light of day (i realize a quiet betrayal was probably more advantageous at the time, but there would have been many advantages to a loud one as well, namely more people would have known what he was doing and about the horcruxes, so his chance of death goes down and if he did die, more people would able to continue his work). snape also never officially declared his stance on blood purity, not even to dumbledore. we can't even use the mudblood incident as proof because he was just following the slytherins in a moment of emotional distress, and either way, that stance could have changed in the decades since the incident. and the only reason snape ever switched sides was because of lily, not any particular bravery on his part. if he used that slytherin cunning he was supposed to have had, he probably could have figured out dumbledore's plans much earlier and maybe not finally have let his bravery show in his fatal sacrifice. this example is a bit of a mess, but the takeaway is that the bravery prejudices (as well as all of the others) of each individual house cause strict boxes that persist even into adulthood causing negative repercussions for the victims of the stereotyping.
the intelligence stereotyping especially pisses me off if y'all couldn't tell, and the main reason for that is on behalf of neurodivergents. if a kid has a learning disability, or any disability really, they would have a very very hard time at hogwarts. remus had a much harder time than any of the other marauders, and his disability wasn't even a learning disability (or really considered a disability, just a personal failure cause wizards are fucking stupid). as far as we know, hogwarts doesn't have any procedures for kids with disabilities. they could just be on their own for all we know. with that in mind, how hard would it be for a neurodivergent kid to be in ravenclaw no matter how smart they are? just with ableist prejudice, our dominantly neurotypical world already tells them they aren't as smart as "normal" people. in gryffindor, they would be made fun of for being different. in ravenclaw and slytherin, they would be made fun of for not learning in the same way as everybody else. hufflepuff is the only that would give them a chance. not only that, but the entire hogwarts curriculum is dependent on a student's ability to read. what if a kid has dyslexia? what the hell are they supposed to do? pray someone will help with every homework assignment and potions class? does anyone remember what snape did when hermione tried to help neville? not a good option. with all of this going on, the chances of being in ravenclaw and succeeding with a learning disability become infinitesimal. using remus as a case study, wizards are constantly poised to attack anyone who is different. how can a kid possibly see themself as smart with all of this going on? just by attending hogwarts, they would most likely end up in gryffindor because of how damn brave that is, just like remus. but does this mean kids with learning disabilities aren't smart, cunning, or kind? no, but that is exactly what the housing system would have us believe. it goes both ways, too. what is the most likely house for a kid with savant syndrome (when someone with a developmental disorder such as autism has an amazing ability for something such as math and science)? i'm not sure how our academic subjects would transfer to magical subjects, but i would assume ravenclaw, just because of one heightened ability (amazingly heightened, but still). can someone with savant syndrome not be brave? hell no - they are just as brave for attending hogwarts as any other neurodivergent person. does this mean they are not cunning or kind? also no. would the housing system make them feel like smart is the only thing they will ever be? yes.
finally, and this is the big one, even when the stereotypes cause fights, even when they cause destruction of kids' mental states, and even when generalizations hurt kids once they've grown up, sometimes resulting in death, they are fucking encouraged, by everyone. the professors, dumbledore, parents, the ministry, even the goddamn students themselves. when kids from separate houses fight and argue, they aren't told that interhouse relationships are important, and that the houses need to respect each other. there is not one single thing that encourages interhouse communication besides a couple unnamed clubs and the DA which purposefully excluded slytherins. they are told, however, typically by their head of house and sometimes dumbledore and their parents, that the opposing house was just being too [insert house stereotype] and that they can finish the fight by winning the house cup or the next quidditch match. this is a horrible system that encourages fighting by taking the blame off students when they do something wrong and removing their responsibility to be better. this is part of why i love mcgonagall - while she does favor gryffindors, she makes sure her students know when they did something wrong whereas snape always finds a way to blame a gryffindor. this leads me into my next point: blantant favoritism. dumbledore literally manipulated the house cup in harry's first year specifically to replace a slytherin win with a gryffindor win, and snape is just as bad. we hear about how snape bullied neville all the time because of his potential to have saved lily, but he also bullied the other gryffindors a lot, too. he said out loud in front of hermione's peers that he didn't see a difference between the super long ever growing teeth and her normal overbite. he made fun of seamus for constantly setting things on fire. he bullied harry just as bad if not worse than draco did (i realize this was in part because of james, but harry was also lily's kid. you'd think that would count for something). umbridge attempted to hand the slytherins everything on a silver platter just because they were the "evil, pure" house, yet she made the gryffindors fight for everything. the prefects and head boy and girl frequently threatened to take house points from the other houses for small, petty reasons, and they were never discouraged or reprimanded for that. in this sort of environment, it's no wonder there were so many fights and there were always kids in the hospital wing. hogwarts was basically a building full of angry, prejudiced, scared, hormonal teenagers with loaded weapons.
no fucking wonder it's so easy for evil wizards to rise to the top in england.
here's the link to part one
#hogwarts#harry potter#marauders#james potter#sirius orion black#remus lupin#peter pettigrew#severus snape#anti snape#pro snape#marauders era#regulus black#golden trio#hermione granger#neville longbottom#albus percival wulfric brian dumbledore#gryffindor#slytherin#ravenclaw#hufflepuff#draco malfoy#walburga black#orion black#bias#hogwarts houses#pomona sprout#george weasley#fred weasley#weasley twins#hp analysis
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Check-in for October 24, 2023
I'm planning on doing regular check-ins that peeps can read or skip as much as they please. If you want to see behind the scenes of my projects or get to know me a bit better, feel free to peek below the cut! If not, just look at this color palette I made for my web dev class and admire it:
I know green and pink are my favorite colors, so I may be just a tad biased, but look!!! Look at how pretty it is!!!
I plan to use the palette for a website that is basically a guided tour of a fictional town that's populated by bug people, and while the colors used in the initial character sketches are still my preference, I don't think they look too bad in this proof of concept image! They definitely need some tweaking, and some details in the art itself need correcting, but all around it's not too shabby :>
I also made the logo for the website which, while uninspired, doesn't look that bad. I'm not in a logo design course, so I can't be too upset about that. I made two versions--- a light and dark one--- so that I could have it appear on most colors of background.
Also, I've printed off tons of art and stuck it on my walls over the past few days to inspire me. The art wall has been very successful in beautifying my space, but I've been a bit too worn out to draw much other than the start of a project where I draw individual generations of pokemon by memory. Venusaur looks exactly like I remembered it, but also nothing like that at all. Charizard's line only looks halfway decent by virtue of Twig existing.
I must say, though, that I am charmed by these drawings' doofy lil grins. Just look at Bulbasaur. He is raring to go! Charmander is ready to shake your hand! Look at these lads!!
I've been trying to learn Clip Studio Paint by drawing a new The Present is a Gift comic in it, but I cannot begin to explain to you all how intimidating of a program it is for me. I'm a Procreate gal, y'all. I have a conniption whenever I look at the Photoshop interface. When I look at this:
I am desperate for the cozy white space of this:
I spent over an hour struggling to draw a simple piece for Instagram, admittedly while desperately trying to get OBS to not give out on me while I recorded my screen, but I think that I'm slowly learning how to not faint whenever the Paint window boots up.
youtube
Anyhoo--- enjoy the WIP teaser for the upcoming comic featuring a chat between Dusknoir (piloting a KO'd Twig) and Darkrai amidst a cave-in. If I am found dead, know that said comic worked alongside Clip Studio Paint to kill me.
As an update for The Present is a Gift in terms of the fanfic, I recently broke 6,000 words for the first draft. I haven't been writing too regularly--- when I do, it's usually to just sit down for 30 minutes max to try and get a little bit of a head start on NaNoWriMo coming up--- but whenever I do, the words come in batches of 400-700+ at a time. My dudes, I used to take a week to reach the lower end of that amount. I've been beating perfectionism back with a stick while sobbing "Quantity begets quality! Quantity begets quality!", but since I've set myself a challenge to write as many garbage words as possible without editing them until the first draft is done, I've been writing--- and enjoying the process of writing--- more than I have in my entire life.
I've been trying to win NaNoWriMo, a challenge where you write 50k words in November, for the last 7 years. I resigned myself to being a NaNo rebel and trying to write just 15k words next month. But if I keep cranking out 1,500 words in under two writing sprints per day--- without properly trying to eliminate distractions--- I think I could actually win for once??? I didn't think Pokemon Mystery Dungeon fanfiction would be what gave me a fighting chance at winning NaNoWriMo, but here I am. PMD brainrot truly is a miraculous thing, but I'll have to see exactly miraculous it is on the 1st of November.
So... yep! I probably should have figured out a way to sign off on check-in posts before deciding to publish this. Oops. Welp. Um. Thanks for reading?
Sincerely,
Sofie
#sofie checks in#web development#web dev#web design#fanfiction writer#nanowrimo#Youtube#pngtuber#The Present is a Gift AU Update
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My Figure Skating Journey ⛸★⋆. ࿐࿔
Origins
Seeing Disney on Ice for the first time as a kid made me want to learn how to ice skate but my family couldn't afford it and there were no ice rinks near the small town, hence I started ice skating later in life as soon as I could finance it myself as a working adult!（ ´ ∀｀）
2014
The 2014 Winter Olympics inspired me so much that I decided to sign up for ballet classes in hopes that it would be a good distraction from the fact I wasn't able to figure skate. I ended up not only becoming a ballerina, but that's how I landed my first job as my ballet school's receptionist and assistant dance teacher.
To this day, I still use what I learnt in my short time with ballet on the ice (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
2016
Seasonal ice rinks started to appear near my hometown so I would go as often as I could while they were open. Coincidentally, Yuri on Ice came out in the same year and, since I'm an anime fan, it felt like fate at the time. I like to joke that the UK's Yuri On Ice fandom managed to magically summon seasonal ice rinks in places they never previously appeared in.
This is also the year I got my first pair of skates! The SFR Galaxies! Unfortunately, the ankle support on them was non-existent so I got a pretty bad ankle injury while trying to learn how to spin on them...
( ｡_｡)
Learn from my mistakes people, don't try learning figure skating moves on recreational skates. You need ankle support!
2019
A seasonal rink miraculously opened up for a few months in my hometown so I worked there and got free ice time as a staff member benefit (ㅅ´◡`)
Even when I wasn't working I'd often just hang out and ice skate with my friends during my free time. Some of my coworkers actually had proper figure skating training, they helped me out with certain moves from time to time.
I got my hands on the last pair of Edea Overtures at the closest skate shop and the rest is history. (I still can't believe the last pair they had were in my size!)
The rink staff became like family to me, I still consider 2019 to be one of the best years of my life. And then, shortly after, tragedy struck...
2020
Lockdown happened so no one other than competitive athletes could ice skate during that time. I used quad skates to skate outdoors in my neighborhood at the time but it just never felt the same as ice skating.
I wasn't very motivated during this time and my mental health started going down the drain because it was the first time in my life where I didn't have a set routine to distract me from life's stresses.
2021 - 2023
I went to University and became a committee member for their Ice Skating Society. University was not the greatest experience for me, I was suffering with an array of mental and health issues and was working two jobs while studying at one point.
The Ice Skating Society and the friends I made there were probably the sole reason I managed to keep myself together during my studies. Every time I would step on the ice I felt as though all of my stress would temporarily fade away.
By the time I got to my final year of study, the UK was in a major economic crisis so I was struggling to afford skating and I had to stop going to the ice rink entirely during the last semester.
Not being able to skate again hurt.
2023 & Beyond *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
As soon as I graduated from University, I moved to Serbia and started working almost immediately. I was burnt out and un-motived so I spent the first few months just getting used to life in Serbia and recovering from the stress University had put me through.
It took a while to regain my will to live (dramatic, I know) but once I did, I decided to visit the only Olympic sized ice rink in Serbia to see if I could potentially skate once again.
Now, for the first time in my life, I'll be training with a figure skating coach and I've decided to document my progress henceforth in hopes of inspiring others to fight so they can continue to do what they love. just like I did!
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Would you ever consider leaving London? I moved from London to Margate in Kent and I can’t believe how much better my quality of life is. I can afford my rent, and even have a small garden, I spend much more time outside etc. it was really difficult for me to come to terms with the prospect of leaving London, but now I wish I had left earlier. I love this blog and relate so much to so many of your posts! Take care of yourself! ❤️
Yes, but if I had the opportunity of moving I wouldn't want to stay in this country! Also the only things I like about this country (my friends, my history, places I love, the creative communities, job opportunities) are in London so I'm trapped here for now haha. I loved Dory's in Margate! It's such a cute place and I'm glad you realised that about London, it's really not for everyone and I have known quite a few people to leave. I hate when people talk shit about this city though, like when they say there's no community here or that its only rich people etc. I have such a different experience of the city.
Personally, I need a city to live in. I don't really find I need a garden or loads of time in nature to be happy (nature to me is parks and pavements lol), and the issue of rent is something I think needs to be controlled in cities because working class people need a decent quality of life here, and people deserve to not have their communities uprooted. Gentrification has been killing every working class London neighbourhood. I see how moving out of London is a practical, but I would never leave here voluntarily. If I was, like many people are, forced to leave London because of rent prices I would be absolutely devastated. I get why people see moving out of the city as a viable option for happiness, but so many of us have homes and lives and communities here, that the solution to high rent cant be destroying our lives! That's what the Conservative government wants, the neoliberal attitude introduced by Margaret Thatcher has been devastating us for decades and I always feel anger when people (not you, but others) have said to me "just leave London" like the city is the problem - I've never once said I was unhappy in this city or that it was part of my struggles, people have always inferred/projected that - instead of the way the country is being governed or that its the individuals responsibility to change and upheave their lives.
But yeah, no cities are cheap and London has always been my home. I guess that's it, that I can't really comprehend moving because I feel at home? Not everyone feels such an affinity with where they are born, but I do. I think if I had been born elsewhere I'd come here. I wonder if the 10 years I was away not living in London that were the worst years of my life made me long for it more. I'd love to live in New York, Paris, San Francisco, Hanoi, Tokyo, etc but that's not on the cards for me. Never say never and I hope my prospects change radically in the next few years lol, but those are the only places I am drawn to. I have considered Toronto because it's got a music scene, but having spoken to friends in bands from that scene its not anything to move for. I just know my world and life would collapse if I left everything I've worked so hard to build for myself here, all the roots I've got here. If I was just interested in writing and didn't socialise or have any aspirations in fashion, photography or music I actually think I'd still be in a city.
I love being able to leave my flat and walk to 3 or 4 different independent bookshops and the most amazing secondhand bookshops. I love that I can be in the same city but feel in an entirely different place and still get home in the evening. I love feeling loyal to the area of London I've spent so many years in. I love all the different food and cuisines I can get here. I love all the different people and cultures I can meet. I hated being away from multiculturalism when I lived in a British seaside town. Maybe one day London will feel too small to me, it's definitely possible because I've spent almost 20 years here, but hopefully if and when that happens I'll be in a position to move to another country. I think if I left, in some ways it would just be a way of prolonging coming back. So ultimately, if I was able to yes I'd move to a different city but for the experience because I choose to sacrifice financial security for pursuing a creative metropolitan lifestyle (which has got harder because of David Cameron, George Osborne, Theresa May and Rishi Sunak etc), but London is always going to be my home.
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Recovering
After (Probably) a year, I once again write something for the IF timeline of the Ghost AU, after spending almost a month struggling with procrastination to get it done.
He wasn't sure of how much time had passed by since Mukuro left the nurse office to destroy Monokumas left, right and center, having spent all of it watching the still unconscious Makoto.
And being unable to stop thinking about her every time he looked at his pale face.
He still couldn't understand how something as inconsequential as that fake escape switch ended up breaking this entire killing game, and sending it into such disarray, to the point that Junko had to lie to the rest of her classmates to get them against Mukuro and the still injured Makoto.
Maybe all of this was just the boy's "luck"s doing, but then, why he fell victim of the trap that was meant for the soldier?
Why he ended up in the same position he left Akane in after he let himself die?
He barely heard Mukuro opening the room's door and going back inside it, but, once he finally felt her presence back in the nurse office, he first noticed her frazzled expression, before he realized what she was doing.
She was trying to hide the still unconscious Makoto under the bed.
Probably to make sure the rest of class 78, who had been manipulated by Junko to start a manhunt against them, couldn't find him, and hurt him.
Once she hid Makoto, leaving him with a saline solution being injected into his arm to substitute the blood he had lost thanks to that damned spear, she immediately dove under another bed, clinging onto its frame until her body was completely hidden to the naked eye, just in time to hide herself from a small group of undesirable guests.
A group formed by half of the rest of class 78.
It was clear that they came here to find Mukuro and Makoto, thanks to the injury the latter received earlier, but, thanks to the soldier's hiding both herself and Makoto, no one in the group saw anyone, and everyone got ready to leave the room.
Well, almost everyone.
Kyoko Kirigiri was able to convince the rest of the group to leave her and Chihiro Fujisaki alone in the room, under the excuse of using the broken-down Monokuma to get any information about the outside world, but he felt that that wasn't the reason behind the detective's want to stay behind in this room.
A suspicion that was immediately confirmed by her actions once everyone else left the nurse office.
She apologized to Chihiro, and asked her to record everything that would be said in the room, before she switched her attention towards the bed Mukuro was under, demanding the soldier to reveal, and explain, herself, having already noticed her, and Makoto's, presence in the room.
Once again, the detective proved in his eyes that her deductive prowess wasn't nothing to laugh at.
Finally having been caught, and without any possibility to escape without being seen again, Mukuro finally revealed herself to her two classmates, and started answering Kyoko's questions.
He spent almost all their conversation completely focused on the still unconscious Makoto, but he still was able to hear some interesting things from their mouths.
Like the fact that Junko didn't just erased Kyoko's memories of her time in the academy, but all of her memories, to the point that the only things remaining in her head were her name, and her desire to enter Hope's Peak.
It was clear that Junko didn't wanted her to solve any of the mysteries behind the killing game before she could even implement them, so she took every little thing related to her talent out of her brain before she left her with the rest of their class to start the deadly game.
He could understand her worries.
After all, if that was the deductive prowess of an amnesiac Kyoko Kirigiri, the gods will know what she would be able to do with all of her memories restored.
Once explanations were finished, and promises were made, Mukuro left the room to keep her rebellion against her sister, leaving Makoto behind, under the care of Kyoko and Chihiro.
And his too, even if neither of them would ever know it.
With Mukuro away, and the other two girls still on the room talking to each other, his attention went back towards the unconscious luckster, barely paying attention to what Kyoko and Chihiro were talking about, the latter having apparently discovered something about the Monokumas' programming.
But, whatever that discovery was, it ended up not mattering that much for him.
Because that was the moment Makoto finally opened his eyes.
---
Well, it looked like Makoto had recovered his memories somehow.
Because how he would have been able to know so much about his classmates otherwise?
Once they realized that the luckster had woken up, the rest of the class was called to go to the nurse office, while Kyoko explained to him what had happened while he was unconscious.
His classmates were still too blinded by Junko's lies to believe his words about him and Mukuro not being the masterminds behind the killing game, and the truth behind their imprisonment, even with Kyoko and Chihiro confirming to the others that his words were true, so, with a sigh and a pained grimace from having to sit up with a gaping wound in his stomach, he revealed his trump card.
His knowledge of the deepest secrets his classmates had.
Secrets that they once confided to him, and each other, during those two years when they were friends, those two years they spent together before the end of the world started.
This knowledge completely shook them to their core, planting small seeds of doubt against Junko's words in their hearts, and finally giving them a reason to trust Makoto once again.
But he still couldn't call it a victory for class 78.
Because they were still trapped inside the building, and without any escape plan in mind.
With Mukuro distracting Junko, and destroying her means of controlling what the classroom were doing, they started to formulate a plan, something about breaking in inside somewhere, but he didn't payed them that much attention.
Because the only thing that kept his attention was Makoto, who was still injured, but still trying to help his classmates no matter how much agony he was in thanks to his injuries.
Once again, his actions became just another reminder of her, her ghost still haunting him even though he was the one who died.
It hurt. It hurt so much.
And he didn't knew how to make it stop.
"Utsuro? Are you... ok?"
Makoto's voice, despite how weak it had become, still dragged him back into reality, finding himself being watched by those hazel eyes he has been stuck with since his death, a glow of kindness and compassion still shining through them despite the pain he could see marring his features.
"I'm ok, Makoto Naegi" He wasn't going to tell him anything. Because, why he should tell this to a complete stranger? "And why are you worried about me? You're the one who is injuried, not me"
"Because you're my friend" He wasn't able to stop a shiver go through his body at hearing his words, praying for him to not having noticed it. Who the hell he thought he was, telling him something like that? "Just like Ikusaba..."
Silence followed Makoto's bold proclamation, only being broken by the voices of the other members of the class, who had noticed their conversation, and were now asking the luckster about it, thanks to their inability to see him.
It wasn't until a bit later, once everyone else was once again distracted with the plan, and weren't paying attention to him, that Makoto focused back his sights on him.
And told him something that he wasn't expecting:
"I... I remember seeing you... or someone who looked like you... back when- before... all this... started"
He blinked a few times in confused shock, trying to process what Makoto had just said, before letting out a weak "What?" out of his mouth.
Unfortunately, it looked like the luckster didn't heard him, because he continued rambling about it "Yeah, I'm sure it was you... part of class... 79" His expression immediately changed once he said that number, eyes narrowed and lost in thought, before he continued, his voice betraying sadness through its tone "You... died... Reserve Course attacked the building, and... everyone died"
"Not quite..." Those words were supposed to be only known to himself, not realizing that he had spoken them louder than expected until he noticed the confused gaze the luckster was directing towards him.
"What...? What are you... talking about?"
He couldn't help but to grit his teeth in frustration, his thoughts cursing the entire chain of events that had drove him right into this situation.
But, at the same time, he couldn't find in himself hate towards the boy in front of him, who only wanted answers about the meaning behind all those memories he was just recovering in a whirlwind of pain and exhaustion.
"I... I will tell you later, once you and your friends get out of here. Now, you need to rest, you're still injured" He didn't had any intention of keeping that promise. With Junko still around, he knew that it wouldn't be any chance to keep that promise.
Makoto tried to protest against his words, but exhaustion finally took over him, sapping whatever strength he still had, and forcing him back into the bed.
Now that the luckster was once again asleep, he took a look back to the rest of the class, who looked like they had finally thought of a escape plan, before sighing.
This wasn't going to be over just yet, even if they somehow find a way to leave this building in one piece.
Because Junko would be still alive.
Alive, and ready to send her forces to kill the the moment they step outside.
But, at the same time, there was a small part of him who wanted to see them succeed, see them break the game and escape from Junko's clutches.
He wasn't sure from where these feelings were coming from.
Did the memories of "Yuki Maeda" were affecting him more strongly than he thought?
Or it was something else?
Either way, he just couldn't make this feeling go away, no matter how much he tried to repress it, or ignore it.
It just didn't wanted to leave him alone.
Watching as how a small group of the students of class 78 left the nurse office to places unknown, he decided it would be better to just keep his new role as an observant.
To see which team will become the winner in this ruined killing game.
And to see which team would become the most interesting one in his eyes.
#my writing#Dangan Ronpa#danganronpa#trigger happy havoc#danganronpa fangame#danganronpa another#super danganronpa another 2#dra#sdra2#utsuro#makoto naegi
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at 20 I thought I was faking my depression and was "bad at life" and lazy like my family said. I still earnestly believed I was entirely straight and everyone knew girls are just nicer to look at. I still had a ton of ingrained racism and other bigotry from my Bush-worshipping family. My main dream of being an astronaut had been smashed by my anxiety and health problems, so I was trying to study Japanese because like every other weeb I thought I'd fit in better over there (lol), but I'd already flunked out of one college and been forced to quit another to get a second job. I was overdrawn constantly and often buying gas station gift cards at the grocery store so I'd only take one overdraft fee. I was dating someone horribly controlling who eventually earned the title "evil ex", dialed up my eating disorder, and traumatized me out of writing for 2+ years. I had several roommates because we all considered having the funds to go to anime conventions more important than personal space (and because back then we already thought $600/month was expensive). I spent any other free time half asleep at a friend's house cuz there I could play games and watch Intent videos. Half my meals came free from work, the rest were hacked together from stuff that worked out to $1/serving or so. The power or internet got turned off at least twice a year from non-payment.
at 25 I thought I was too depressed to deserve burdening others with my presence or existence. that I was a burden and purposeful downer and nothing would ever get better. I was still dealing with a ton of internalized transphobia, racism, and other bigotry that I had been taught was Just The Truth and still occasionally fall into. I was massively straight edge against weed and anything else (threatened to call cops on close friends) while also being a half bottle of vodka a day alcoholic just to get my brain to shut up enough to let me write or sleep. I didn't know how to have fun without alcohol, if at all. I had lost my ability to draw when I severely injured my wrist while i had no insurance. I tried going back to school, first for architecture then teaching, and flunked/dropped out of both. I was losing jobs every 6~8 months from being chronically late and being sick constantly. I manged to lose one on my birthday and wound up having to make some other tough choices because of it. I had only just reached the point where being overdrawn was a rare thing and I wasn't buying single gallons of gas with tip money. food was still often just ramen but I no longer had days where I didn't know if I'd get to eat, though I was often dependent on my then-bf. I had multiple teeth rotting and couldn't afford any treatment besides getting them pulled, and often not until they'd become infected.
by 30 I was finally on antidepressants and in therapy. I was on the road to physical therapy for shoulder and wrist injuries that had happened years earlier. I was pretty happy in my relationship. I held down one job for almost 3 years straight after getting medicated, then turned around and flunked/dropped out of college for the 5th time (Physics this time) because I was too anxious to take public transit reliably and STILL couldn't do homework anywhere but in class, so most projects never got done. I'd stopped being able to write (and am still running from the possibility my meds Took That from me because it doesn't come back if I stop them). Food had become a different struggle - I no longer had time, physical health, or executive function to cook reliably so I was spending too much on take out and causing wild fluctuations in my weight. I was hiding my eating disorder from my partner and my friends. I had begrudgingly un-estranged myself from my family to support younger cousins as they came out as queer. I had developed a healthier relationship with alcohol. I had accepted that, outside of addiction, drugs are a bodily autonomy thing and stopped being an ass to people about them. I had finally learned some damn etiquette around things like not accidentally outing people. I started streaming and making videos - stuff I had dreamed of since first watching Dead Fantasy and Red vs Blue and Weeblstuff in high school but had thought impossible after I lost the ability to draw.
I'm currently 35. This year I am living on my own for the first time (aside from 5 failed months at 18). I got divorced - a complicated, regretful process that was ultimately for the best but I could and should have handled better (and sooner). I've been in physical therapy long enough that I'm able to use chopsticks properly again and am thinking of trying to relearn drawing. It's also meant I can do the dishes and wash my hair on my own again, most days, so I'm relearning how to cook consistently. I'm reading (listening to) books again. I'm on year 8 of antidepressants and currently working with my doctor to fine tune what I'm on (and finally have a system to take them consistently). I've been diagnosed with ADHD and figured out I might also be autistic, and a lot of things in my life make way more sense when viewed through that context. I have appointments to get evaluated for ADHD meds, autism, shoulder surgery/other "PT isn't enough" treatments, teeth implants, and new glasses. my clothes have been put away 3 of the last 5 times I did laundry and I've learned that if I only own one dishwasher worth of dishes, the sink can't pile up. I've fully embraced that I'm polyamorous, pansexual, and demiromantic, and that I can be cis while also being "gender agnostic" - none of it really matters or processes to me, but I get that it does to others so I respect it. I'm seeing someone who makes me feel like I can do anything, is inspiringly ambitious themself, and is equally polyam, meaning I might also be asking out a cute girl soon and don't know where board game nights with the nice throuple I met might go. I'm having to do odd jobs and accept help from my dad to make ends meet, but I'm arguably a full time content creator now - something I literally didn't even let myself dream about when I was younger because it felt impossible, but which is fully worth the complications and budget crunching because it's so accommodating to my disabilities and uses so many of my talents. I'm still depressed, but I have hope that ADHD treatment will help cut through the remainder. Most days I just have hope, period. And more days than not, I'm genuinely happy for at least a while.
You'll find yourself.
It might take a while. There will be detours, mistakes, pain, tough choices, and a lot of hard work. But there will also be unexpected joys and more possibilities than you ever imagined.
Someday, you'll find yourself.
And when you do, it will be worth the wait, I promise.
#personal#though you can still reblog if you wanna#I was just having A Moment#and now for all the warning tags#mental health#tw eating disorder#tw alcoholism#ed tw#depression#adhd#tw abusive relationship#tw abuse#tw suicide#if you need anything else tagged lemme know#also sorry it's such blocks of text#i just kind of went full ramble
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TOA anniversary munday!
Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.
Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!
Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.
tagging: you. yes, you.
Name: Orokara
Pronouns: he/they
Birthday (no year): February 3
Where are you from? What is your time zone? Canada; EST
Roleplay experience: I have no idea but probably something like 7 or 8 years at this point
Got any pets? Just a few fish, if you can count those
Favorite time of year: Spring! It feels really nice when the days start to get longer
Some interests and things you like: Mythology, music and playlist making, reading, animanga, cooking, random video essays, biology
Some fun facts & trivia about you: I used to moderate a few roleplay groups and a Pixelmon server myself, though those interests all died. I share a birthday with Hilda Goneril. I have an awful habit of starting things and then never finishing them. I like wearing bracelets and golf clothing. I crack my neck like all the time.
What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? Currently, Honkai: Star Rail, League of Legends, and Flight Rising. I'm also a big fan of the Pokemon series (and fan games), Project Moon games, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, Ultrakill, and Omori. Currently looking for people to play Stardew Valley with me ehe
Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: Ghost and Grass. I used to be a grass-type gym leader on the Pixelmon server i helped run, and Appletun was my ace. Did you know that due to its ability thick fat and partial dragon typing, it actually resists fire moves? Many of my challengers didn't ;) my other faves are Hisiuan Zoroark, and Altaria!
How did you get into Fire Emblem? I liked Ike from Smash Brothers Brawl and on a whim decided to play Path of Radiance one day. It was one of my first emulator experiences. I let Rhys and Soren die on the first map they were available and never reset for them. It was bad.
What Fire Emblem games have you played? All mainlines at least once, plus feh
First Fire Emblem game: Path of Radiance!
Favorite Fire Emblem game: Blazing Blade, Binding Blade, and Genealogy in no particular order
Any Fire Emblem crushes? Kagetsu, Shannan, DIECK, Tibarn, Gerik, Selena/Severa
If you’ve played the following games, who was your first S support? Awakening - I don't remember but most recent is Chrom. Fates - Selena. Three Houses - Marianne. Engage - Mauvier
Favorite Fire Emblem class: Swordmaster but I use early game pegasus knights and thieves religiously. Dodgetanking is my favorite thing ever
If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class? Navarre archetype myrmidon
If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? Fear the Deer baby!
If you were an Engage character, which Emblem would you Engage with? Emblem Ike so I can run into an entire pack of enemies and slap the great aether button
How did you find TOA? Got invited after i was struggling as like. the only fe4 fan in a discord group that mostly wrote modern fe titles
Current TOA muses: Larcei, Owain, Sain
Who was your first TOA muse? If you don’t have them anymore, could you see yourself picking them up again? Larcei! Though she has come and gone
Have you had any other TOA muses? Ough I might not remember them all but I think the list is: Lewyn, Elm, Sirius, L'Arachel, Ryoma, Idunn
Do you think you have a type of character you gravitate towards? This might sound crazy considering my muselist but edgy swordsmen... I think people who grapple with feelings of revenge, hatred, and guilt are so interesting to delve into the psychology of. Lif is probably my all-time fave, if that says anything about me
What do you believe you enjoy writing the most? Slow and steady character growth. I like it so much when my muses become long-term friends with other ones. Owain and Julius, Larcei and Edward, Sain and Caeda, etc etc. Gaining a new reason to wake up in the morning and all the implications of that is always a joy to hash out over the course over multiple posts
Favorite TOA-related memory: The time Sirius and Est kept being forced to attack eachother by an arena boss, but whiffed all their rolls. Darcy and I wrote it with this little tongue-and-cheek bit where they kept saying "now isn't the time for sparring" before misdirecting yet another attack and writing Sirius' feelings regarding her, his past in Archanea, and the present state of that arena was real fun. Shoutout to N's Leif for the incredible setting of a really dark cave, too!
How do you pronounce TOA?: Sometimes I pronounce each letter individually and sometimes I say "towah". I am mad inconsistent sorry
Got any delusions that didn’t see the light of day in TOA that you’d like to share? Fuck it have my whole delusion list: Rutger, Fergus, Lif, The Vaike, Lewyn (again), Osian, Melady, Orson, Zihark, Louis, Kagetsu, Libra, Lon'qu
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