The Monica and Ross fight but it’s Sirius and Regulus:

Regulus: Dad, that wasn’t Uncle Alphard that stole your money, it was Sirius.

Sirius: Bella didn’t steal from the the wine cabinet, Regulus did.

Regulus: Sirius hasn’t had a job for a year!

Sirius: REGULUS AND JAMES ARE LIVING TOGETHER!

James: …

Regulus: Sirius got married to Remus and then got divorced…AGAIN

Walburga: …

Orion: …

Okay okay listen we all know that regulus was the “good kid” - the one who never spoke up, the one who took punishment with no argument, the one who always kept his head down and did what he was told to survive in that house

But listen the thing about these good kids is that they have a limit. And when they finally finally reach it they fucking snap. You thought Sirius was bad? Oh Regulus is just getting started. He kills his dad. Poisons his mom and gifts her with a long slow and painful death. Figures the dark lords horcruxes and kills one of them - all while writing a fuck you letter to him to remind him he was bested by a 17 year old.

After all it’s always the silent ones you need to watch out for

the person is like, "I'm mentally balanced," and then they tell me about their favorite headcannons about the Black family

Walburga: You’re not good enough for my son

Remus: you’re not good enough for your son.

Walburga: …

Remus:

Walburga: …

Remus: I did not stutter.

*meanwhile*

Walburga: you are not good enough for my son.

James: *pulls out his guitar*

James: *breaks into RUDE by MAGIC!*

"I don't like being back here. I never thought I'd be stuck in this house again."

regulus genuinely loving his parents in fics breaks my heart. all he could do was hope that they’d love him back if he tried hard enough

Regulus: he broke my heart, and it hurts— i don't know what to do!

Orion: my son, i’m going to tell you what my mom always said, "if a man breaks your heart, fuck his best friend"

Sirius: . . .

Regulus: . . .

Regulus: dad his best friend is Sirius Orion: oh

Orion: well, your grandmother wasn't always right anyway

toujours pur

Orion, Walburga, Sirius, and Regulus

DIVORCING ORION BLACK

⌈ A Marauders Era Fix-It-Fic - featuring Reader as Walburga Black but better ⌋

LAST UPDATED : 01/03/24 | [dd/mm/yy]

SERIES SUM. : You wake up in pitch blackness and under excruciating pain. It isn't too long before you realise that you've been transported into the world of Harry Potter and that you've taken the place of a familiar villainess - Walburga Black.

You need to escape the toxic Black family. You can only do that by divorcing Orion Black AND YOU'RE DEFINITELY TAKING THE KIDS!

UPDATE SCHEDULE : on the first day of every month, a new chapter will be posted at 9am GMT time ; the first chapter is the only exception ;)

CHAPTERS :

i. ARRIVAL

you take a familiar villainess' place, but it's all just a dream, right? (special thanks to @thebestofoneshots for beta reading this chapter!)

ii. SHOPPING (1/2)

life isn't easy in the Black Family household, you need to get out, you also need a new wand. Sirius does too as well as a few other things; time to go shopping.

iii. SHOPPING (2/2) iv. ... v. ... ...

DISCLAIMER : please read

TAGS : son sirius black/mother reader ; son regulus black/mother reader ; isekai au/transfering worlds au ; walburga black is evil ; not reader though hehe~ ; hurt/comfort ; fluff ; platonic fluff ; second chances ; reader basically adopts remus, barty crouch jr and peter pettigrew ; peter pettigrew redemption arc? ; but he never betrays the marauders in the first place so... ; remus gets a better life ; reader becomes a semi-political figure to help werewolves + house elves ; reader assumes a male alias ; alternating chapters from different povs directly effected by reader's actions ; reader is a powerful independent business woman and single mother ; reader is a milf ; reader secretly hates dumbledore ; reader hates orion black ; reader hates JKR (we all do) ; divorce ; mentions of child abuse (physical and mental and emotional) ; mentions of neglect ; angry reader ; canon jily ; mentions of wolfstar ; regulus being a precious baby ; sirius has his moments too ; reader being a powerful trio with minerva and pomfrey ; reader potentially adopting the black sisters (bellatrix, andromeda and narcissa) ; reader adopts everyone! ; there'll be ocs ; reader leaves to live her dream cottagecore life ; happy ending! ; i'll add more tags in the future

TAGLIST : @katdahlali @skepvids @agent-tempest @timhalamet @lovelybaka @cherrysxuya @ttulipwritezz @ireallywannasleep127 @cloudlst @fortheeeefics @younmey @googie-jeon @unstablereader @cassie6392 @kneelforloki

@enamoredwithbella @arcanumofthestars @bookworm124 @sonics-atelier @yours-truly-maya @honkravenous @theunwcnted @venuseuripedis @fredsbetch @iciel @anuncalledbridge @turtlesareeverywhere @b-i-h-i @crispymoonperfection @amethyistheart @whodis-26 @empress-simps @smaryamsstuff @thoughtfulpandamentality @maraudersgirlie @dragon-chica @darkcademiasss [35/50]

SERIES TAGLIST : OPEN

Walburga and Orion realistically never would’ve allowed for either child to live in the shadow of the other. A Black eclipsed by anyone, even another Black, would’ve been a disgrace.

You think they would’ve favoured Regulus if he’d been a weak, blushing and trembling kid hiding behind his brother? No, they simply excelled in different areas.

Sirius was all charm and charisma, knew when to laugh and smile, turned heads upon entering a room, left them wanting more — could’ve been the perfect heir had he only wanted it. Regulus was cold cunning and heartless manipulation, had people fearing and respecting him since he was 12 and loved it. He didn’t have to say a word, by 17 one look from him had people agreeing to anything. He was the perfect heir because he enjoyed the game.

The Blacks were power hungry maniacs, imagine how incredibly fucked Regulus had to be to be their favourite. How deranged did he have to be to be chosen by Voldemort at 16. This man treads the line of irredeemability with a smile

Regulus: Mother just told me they’re going to give us “the talk” soon.

Sirius: They’re actually doing that?

Regulus: Seems so. Why do you seem repulsed?

Sirius: Well, our parents are cousins who fucked, I don’t think they really got a say in this.

Sirius: Momma didn’t raise no quitter

Regulus: Actually our mother didn’t raise us at all so I am in fact, a quitter

time travelling harry being slightly fond of orion black because he looks and sounds so much like sirius, but soon realising he’s actually unbearingly and unbelievably fond of orion himself… orion being baffled, suspicious and quite flattered that someone likes him for him, not just for his last name or status as heir, and promptly deciding he’d die for harry… tom seething with jealousy watching them hang out and being generally attached the hip, knowing he can’t kill orion because 1) harry would NEVER forgive him or talk to him again, and 2) it’d be a shame to alienate the ancient and most noble house of black by getting rid of their heir

“Jam you can’t just make the Black family French because you want to” WHO’S going to stop me?? Hm?? Who’s going to stop me?? All those mfs are FRENCH, they were going to go to Beauxbaton even

You can pry French baguette eating ancient house of Black out of my cold dead hands

She's a little crunchy, but here's the full portrait with Sirius :)