#and i have no reliable way to gauge it
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Unpopular opinon, but I think progress should be linear, actually, and someone should really get on fixing the fact that it isn't.
#teaanddorkcoal#i am still dealing with Life Events and thought it would be over by now but its not#and i don't know when its going to be#i was led to believe like a week maybe too#that has now been extended to 'some time between now and next November'#and i have no reliable way to gauge it#so yeah not the best time to be me
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Adaptive Tea Making
For @domaystic Day 5: Learning Something New.
Dream is human now, and determined to learn how to make his beloved a cup of tea. He just has a small difficulty with time to get over.
___
Hob looked over at Dream, who was perched on a stool at the kitchen bench with his ever-present notebook open to a fresh page, his phone unlocked beside it, and an actual stopwatch beside that. He had a pencil in his hand, freshly sharpened, and a second pencil also perfectly sharpened set beside the notebook.
Hob had secondhand text anxiety just looking at those pencils.
"Ready?" Hob asked, though surely it was not possible to be more ready than Dream currently was.
Dream didn't even meet his gaze, his eyes fixed firmly on Hob's hands. "Ready. Please show me, one more time, how to make a cup of tea the way you like it."
As Dream spoke he wrote on the pristine notebook page: Hob's tea instructions. His handwriting was crooked and crabbed but legible.
"So--there's water in the kettle already," Hob said, feeling like possibly he was the one being tested. However he made this cup of tea, Dream would continue making this exact cup of tea for him forever.
Hob was fine with that. Hob would frankly have been fine with continuing to get wildly undrinkable cups of tea from Dream forever, but Dream was determined to learn this particular human skill correctly, and seemed somehow convinced that this time he was going to crack it.
Hob flipped the switch. Dream turned on a timer on his phone and then wrote down the first two steps: water in kettle and turn on kettle. He also wrote to one side, Phone timer: total length of process and drew a little line beside it to be filled in with a number later.
They had learned, after Dream had committed a series of frankly baffling tea mishaps including "hot water with no detectable trace of tea" and "oversteeped to the point of activating an immortal's gag reflex through sheer bitterness" and "boiled the kettle dry" that Dream had no real sense of how time passed. It passed how he wished it to pass, in the Dreaming, and even in the Waking he had always been able to nudge reality a bit to make the flow of time conform to his narrative sense or personal convenience.
Now that he was divested of those powers and operating a human body, the linear flow of time had so far made absolutely no impression on Dream. Hob had had to point out to him things like "if you wake up and it is still dark, it is still night, and you will probably want to go back to sleep until it's light out" and how often meals should happen.
It was the tea that had made it clear that even telling Dream times when things should happen was not very helpful to him. He couldn't seem to hold the numbers in his head or make sense of them when he consulted a clock. Hob had simply started giving him other ways of gauging the passage of time, teaching him about the sun's position in the sky at mealtimes and when Hob returned from work, and about the activity of people visible from the windows, and which programs on the telly corresponded reliably to morning, afternoon, and evening.
Hob had spent long stretches of time--most of his life, really--without access to clocks. People nowadays were obsessed with them, and with precise timing for everything, but Dream wouldn't need to worry about being punctual to a work shift or keeping all sorts of appointments. Hob could help him with where precision was needed, and could teach him to get along where it wasn't.
Tea, unfortunately, was a matter of some precision. When the kettle let out the first gurgles, Hob grabbed the tea canister. "Plenty of times I just use bag tea, but my insufferably posh lover seems set on spoiling me, so," Hob scooped tea into the strawberry-shaped infuser. "This is what we've got in place of a tea bag. Time-wise, either should work the same."
Dream faithfully wrote down prepare infuser (or tea bag).
"The timing for the kettle will change a bit. A smaller amount of water boils faster. There's a bit over two cups in right now," Hob pointed to the line on the side, "so it takes a little over two minutes."
Dream wrote down kettle boils and then waited watchfully until the kettle hit its automatic shutoff and consulted the time. Kettle shuts off, he wrote down, and then 2:38 with a tidy little asterisk beside it.
"Infuser goes in mug," Hob narrated. "Pour the water over it, leave about an inch at the top for milk. And start your stopwatch, because this is the bit I couldn't tell you, because I do it by feel."
Dream started the stopwatch and scribbled down more notes, drawing a little box for the all-important steeping time to be entered. Hob watched the mug, wondering once again how he did know when it was done steeping. He'd tried more than once to describe it to Dream, but none of his descriptions had been at all helpful--as proven by the various disastrous cups of tea--and had only frustrated both of them.
He wanted to fill the silence, but Hob didn't dare mess this up for Dream, when he was so determined to get this right. Most of human life had come easily enough to him, once he set himself to adapt to it, but tea had thwarted him. Hob was a little worried that Dream was building this up into some kind of epic battle of wills he had to win to Succeed At Being Human.
Dream looked up at him expectantly and Hob looked back down at his mug, a little worried that he'd gotten distracted--he'd certainly oversteeped his tea enough times for one reason or another--but no, a sniff and a glance told him it wasn't quite there yet. "Almost," Hob said. "Not really a bad cup of tea if you stop now, but not quite." He drummed his fingers, waiting for--
"Ah," Hob said, "Now." He reached for the infuser and lifted it out, and the stopwatch clicked at the exact instant it cleared the top of the mug. Hob set the infuser in the sink and then swirled the cup of tea, giving it another sniff to be sure, but yes, that was a just-right cup of tea. He grabbed the jug of milk and looked to see that Dream was intently watching before he poured in a dollop.
Dream's eyes narrowed slightly and then he nodded and wrote down a specific liquid volume that Hob was sure was in fact precisely correct--Dream's spatial skills were laser-accurate and slightly unnerving.
"And a spoonful of sugar, because I'm feeling like it today," Hob said. "I do honey sometimes. Sometimes two spoonfuls of sugar." He stirred in the sugar and sipped. "And that's--"
Dream clicked the timer on his phone and recorded the time, then picked up the phone and tapped rapidly at it. "Tell me that the water should boil about now," Dream said, and held out the phone like a reporter's microphone.
"Water should be boiling about now," Hob parroted obediently.
Dream nodded, tapped at the phone again, and said, "Now tell me the tea is ready."
When Dream held out the phone, Hob said, "Tea's ready, love."
Dream was startled into a smile at that addition, and asked, "How is it?"
"Just right," Hob said. "But if you--"
Dream shook his head, still smiling, and went back to tapping at things on his phone. "These things are amazing, you know?" Dream said. "I thought I would have to learn magic, but these are like little prosthetic memories. If you work out all the steps, you can make it do all these things for you. Well, not for you, you don't need it. For me."
"I mean, I'd be lost without my calendar and things," Hob said. He'd never thought of technology to solve Dream's difficulty with time. He'd thought it was just more clocks all the way down, there.
"Watch," Dream said, and then, to his phone, "Computer, making a cup of tea."
"Acknowledged," his phone replied, because Dream had watched possibly too many sci-fi movies with Hob at what had turned out to be a formative time in his life. "When there is water in the kettle, turn the kettle on."
Dream mimed flipping the switch on the kettle.
Nothing happened, since Dream was still a good yard away from the kettle. Reminded, Hob ran some more water into it and put it back. He was sipping his tea again and nearly choked on it when his own voice came from Dream's phone. "Water should be boiling about now."
"Computer, wait," Dream said, and the phone was back to its Computer voice when it said, "Acknowledged."
"In case there is more water in the kettle," Dream said. "If there is less, I will be able to tell it to skip ahead when the water boils."
"Computer, resume," Dream added to the phone.
"Prepare the infuser, then pour boiling water over it."
Dream mimed dropping the infuser into the mug, then pouring the water. "Computer, steeping."
"Steeping," the computer said, sounding slightly stilted like it had had to assemble that word from individual sounds instead of having it pre-recorded.
"I'll be able to use this for anything to do with timing," Dream said, scratching down more notes in his notebook. "I just have to set the intervals and key phrases, and optionally recordings for specific announcements, and then I will be able to do things that need timing. As long as I have my phone. Possibly I should get one of those watches."
"That's no trouble, then," Hob said, pulling out his own phone to order a watch to sync with Dream's phone. "And you know I'm always happy to be your speaking clock, love."
Dream came around the bench and kissed him, curling a hand around Hob's on his mug. "I shall feed you your lines when I need them," Dream said, and somehow it was desperately romantic and made Hob so proud he could cry, knowing Dream knew that Hob would always be glad to help him do things in his own way.
He opened his mouth to try to say it, his heart almost too full for words, and was cut off by his own voice from Dream's phone. "Tea's ready, love."
[Now on Ao3!]
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I don't know if you've talked about this elsewhere already but was the break from streaming intentional and/or are you planning on returning to streaming some time in the foreseeable future? no pressure, I just miss your silly antics :o)
felt very burnt out from being someone who people are always lookin at all the time mostly! (and also a lot more reasons)
got a new job that pays just as well as streaming (which is enough to pay for rent in seattle with roommates, buy food for myself, and sometimes buy yet another japanese gamecube via online auction), and have been enjoying the feeling of not relying on anonymous teenagers and young adults who are just as poor as me on the internet for my income. It's something i was extremely grateful for, but it's not only a very infirm way to generate revenue on a reliable basis, but also i always felt an ever-present sense of guilt for it. like, instilling within other people who i know are in my tax bracket (one that is below the poverty line) the idea of "hey if you dont tip me for doing this free service, the quality of which is damningly subjective, I will be homeless. but no pressure haha" is something that i was never able to shake.
also like. performing is quite draining for me! the way i portray myself in my streams is EXTREMELY extroverted while, in my personal life, i prefer to spend 8 to 14 of my waking hours every day by myself in my room with my dog. i like the quiet, and i feel at peace most when i am not being perceived by other people.
lastly, i really dislike having inordinate levels of social power. for a several reasons. like, SEVERAL reasons. this is the longest section of this post.
8 years ago, i got way more famous than any 16 year old should ever be when i got tens of thousands of followers overnight for doing undertale shit. and i think it really fucked up my ability to make friends at a time where my only experience meeting new people was at school or at church, and i lived far enough out in the woods that i couldnt just go outside and hang out with the neighbors cuz the neighbors lived a mile away. my socializing skills in general are way more stilted than i'd prefer for someone my age. in private settings ive got my foot in my mouth a lot. and sometimes in public settings too! im sure if youve seen streams ive been on, youve seen plenty of "chase you really shouldnt have said that" moments. and youre probably right, i probably shouldnt have! my moment-to-moment gauge for what i should and shouldnt say is very slow to catch up cuz ive got like. advanced mental illnesses. like, im not joking when i say ive been formally diagnosed several times over by different doctors with shit ive never heard anybody ever talk about, online or otherwise.
i dont think that's an excuse to say heinous or cruel things by any means of course, but i also think that i should not rely on a job where there's constantly a microphone in my hand and an audience listening intently to what i say. im not at all pulling the "its okay that i say mean things because im mentawy iww" card. as a matter of fact i think it's not okay that i say them! and i feel very embarrassed when i do! the filter that separates "normal healthy thoughts" and "intrusive unhealthy thoughts" is thinner and more flimsy in my brain than in others.
ive only gotten this far because i surround myself with very smart, patient, and kind people, and by trying to be understanding and patient with others too. and ive begun apologizing to people a lot more. i dont like it when people are mad at me, and i dont like that for a long time i had professionally painted myself into a corner where im typically always the "heel" in comedy settings, because the "heel" is the guy everyone shits on all the time. i got this reputation not because i actively enjoy being mean, but because i learned to adapt to the aforementioned "clinically unreliable intrusive thoughts filter" by realizing i would say things that came across as mean, and in real time exaggerating that it into a character that people could shoot back at without feeling guilty while still having fun. theres nothing that ruins a good time quite like someone who is constantly apologizing for doing something wrong, and then continuing to do that wrong thing anyway. dont misunderstand, i absolutely adore dunking on weenies when everyone can get a good laugh out of it (like tumblr anons, who i think should be classified as prokariyotic invertebrates and not people (no offense)) but even though it's a joke it still feels very bad when that's expected of me when i walk into a room. because if i walk into a room, and everyone expects me to be an asshole, everyone is on the defensive before i say anything, and sometimes they take shots at me when im not trying to "play". even worse, if im a heel in a setting where it's expected of me and someone cant really keep up with "the bit" then that just means im being an asshole to someone who cant or doesnt have the energy to fight back. and not just any asshole, an asshole who has had nearly a decade of professional experience being a paid asshole.
if im being frank, i dont know if i'll come back in a full capacity. i might! im not ruling that out! and you'll probably still see me pop up in my friends streams, because i did LOVE what i did for a very long time! but after i took my "break" in december after being more stressed than ive ever been, and i knew it was no longer financially necessary for me to livestream, i had the thought "i will go back to streaming when i find within myself a desire to do so" and ya know what? i havent yet.
and DO NOT FUCKING BOTHER MY FRIENDS ABOUT THIS. if you post a fucking "hey have u heard what chase said" message in their chat or in their DMs or anything, im not joking when i say you are actively being the kind of person i changed my career to avoid! fuck you, for real! stop trying to interface with them to get some new piece of information or opinion about me you fucking weirdo! they'll talk about me if they want to, but going to someone who is doing their own thing and asking them to instead comment on someone else it is ALWAYS fucking annoying. if you want to think about me, do it by yourself! or ask me directly! or do it in the comment section of a video im in! or write a fanfiction about me and then throw it away!
but if ur not that kind of person then ur cool dont worry.
anywho! im sorry if this is a bummer to read. but that's the full skinny.
im still posting regularly on twitter (clown_depot)! and if i DO go live, either on my twitch channel or on a friend's stream, it will be posted there!
thanks for watching :^]
im not goin radio silent, im just gonna turn off the electric window that lets people see me for a while.
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The Darkling decided early on how much he would disclose to Alina about his plans for the coup based on a conversation they had on the way to the palace.
I like to look back at this scene from Shadow and Bone that takes place after Alina was seconds away from being killed by a Fjerdan assassin. She denies that she is Grisha, pointing to her plain and scrawny appearance for proof of her certainty and Aleksander responds with a remark about how Alina doesn’t understand what being Grisha even means.
It’s a telling scene because it shows just how surface-level Alina’s view of Grisha is. To her, Grisha are shiny, beautiful and strong and they are prioritized over the common folk soldiers she once belonged with. Of course, Aleksander knows that there is so much more to being Grisha than just beauty, but realizes that there’s so much to unpack with Alina’s statement he doesn’t even know where to start.
This exchange explains one of the reasons why he didn’t disclose his true plans to Alina, much less his ultimate secret. If Alina has such a shallow understanding of Grisha identity, she will also have a shallow understanding of just how much is at stake in this conflict. Alina is no ordinary Grisha, so it hasn’t quite sunk in that she has skin in the game and is more significant than she realizes. Her denial of her Grisha identity (despite obvious evidence proving otherwise) Alina is staunch in her assertion that she is just a normal girl. It is that same denial that tells Aleksander that Alina cannot be viewed as reliable just yet, time needs to be taken to teach her a better understanding of the Grisha first.
This next exchange is the second reason why Aleksander doesn’t tell her. Though Alina herself may not have said that superstition out loud, it still demonstrates how Alina was exposed to those views during her formative years. It raises his suspicion that Alina may hold some remnants of the Serf’s ideas and perhaps compels him to think ahead to assess if this could grow into a potential threat. He ABSOLUTELY cannot tell her the truth anytime soon if there is even the slightest possibility that she believes that he’s soulless and “truly evil”. If Alina snitched on him, his entire operation could be shut down for good and set the Grisha back decades. Not to mention the fact that it could get a lot of Grisha killed.
“You didn’t hurt his feelings.” Dear Reader, this was only the beginning of Alina denying Aleksander’s humanity in order to avoid taking responsibility for her prejudice and to avoid the complex reality of the situation. You can almost hear the incorrect answer buzzer go off in Aleksander’s mind as Alina tells him her answer, I can almost feel his pure disappointment through the page.
Because Aleksander poses an important question that reveals one of Alina’s central conflicts that will continue throughout the trilogy. Alina is still deeply uncomfortable with the idea of Grisha powers after spending her life among people who call them unnatural and strange. To the point that it wasn’t just the fact that the assassin was sliced in two that bothered her, but because of the magic that sliced him. Why on earth would he trust her with his greatest secret when she reacts with such hesitation? He was testing her to gauge how long it would be before Alina could be trusted as an ally to Grisha and received an answer that told him it might take a while. If Alina can’t handle her the idea of her own powers, she cannot be trusted with a secret that could determine the future of Ravka.
I don’t know about you, but I fully believe that Aleksander had every intention of telling Alina the truth, it’s just that prioritizing his personal relationship with her over the safety of his people was a risk he couldn’t take. This gets a bit muddled later on because Alina’s narration seems to care more about her personal feelings of betrayal than the consequences this plan could have on the country. She never takes a moment to look at the bigger picture and consider the consequences of her reckless actions.
I know that I’m just breaking the scene down and explaining what’s happening in it, but it truly is such an informative scene that hints at a potentially fascinating storyline.
#shadow and bone#lb critical#s&b critical#alina starkov#s&b netflix#s&b salt#the darkling#darklina#aleksander morovoza#pro darkling#grishaverse meta#ruin and rising#shadow and bone season 2#aleksander morozova#anti leigh bardugo#anti shadow and bone#close reading
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So, recently, I received the last book of SVSSS saga, and I instantly jumped to read, once again, Shen Jiu’s story chapter. And, oh boy. I’ve got things to say.
Spoiler’s ahead!!!!
Something I notice about MXTX’s writing is that, in a very subtle manner, their narrator's way of telling the story changes based on whose character's pov it is, so we can guess that the book’s narrator isn’t omniscient, but it’s actually a character’s inner voice. which isn’t anything new, as many users have pointed out that Shen Yuan isn’t a very reliable narrator, and some things of the books that are told from his pov don’t match with reality (the easiest example I can say is when sy and lgh reencounter after the eternal abyss. sy interpret’s lbg’s ‘dark gaze’ as his vengeful desire when actually half of the time he’s just being horny lol).
Something else I’ve noticed repeatedly, and kinda made me uncomfortable is sy’s portrayal of female disciples. Based on his belief that og!sqq preyed on his disciples, sy takes the liberty to make very perverted assertions that stay on the fictional side due to his fear of facing a similar ending as the one of the original goods. quoting some real phrases from the book:
“This was because he had designs on Ning Yingying—ah, no, more like the original Shen Qingqiu had designs on Ning Yingying!” (p. 34, first book).
“One can, however, imagine the result of daring to try to get a taste of the male lead’s woman!” (p. 35).
Or his description of the fight between Liu Mignyan and Sha Hualing:
“Every man dreamed of being caught between an angel and a devil. To watch them jealously vile for each other over him one moment, then risk life and limb for his sake in the next — that was the highest, most sacred, perverted fantasy of every male organism” (p. 112).
These aren’t the words of a neutral, omniscient narrator: these are Shen Yuan’s own thoughts. And he is a very perverted guy: it makes sense, as he was an avid reader of PIDW.
Following the conclusion that the narrator varies on the character’s pov, Shen Jiu’s story takes on a new meaning. Because all of the words in Chapter 24 are Shen Jiu’s own.
The Part 1 of the story starts with Shen Jiu on the streets, until Shiwu goes missing, and Yue Qi goes searching for him, with Sj following. The change to Part 2, which starts directly in the Qi mansions, is kinda abrupt. There are many reasons for something like this.
On one side, we can interpret that the story starts with Sj in the Qi mansions, and he was reflecting on his life to gauge how he ended up there. The sudden jump of events, which leaves us with a gap in information, can be due to trauma, or confusion: Sj isn’t entirely sure of what happened. That’s why this chapter is wholly written as a recount of events, from a man who, perhaps, needed to learn how to write and read to be able to put words to his life and story.
Shen Jiu’s reflections are born from his pain. At the end of Part 2, we get an explanation of how he ended in the Qi mansion:
“Shiwu should have been trampled to death, trampled into minced meat for thousands to spit upon. Qi-ge should have never gone back to save him [...]
As Shen Jiu suffered through day after day of torment, he turned those sweet yet futile thoughts over and over again in his mind, drawing strength and comfort from them” (p. 90, fourth book).
This phrase is very powerful. I think that, as Shen Jiu suffers, he reflects more on his life until now, on the reasons that guided him there, on the actions of those around him, and on the path they should’ve followed.
He wasn’t like that in Part 1. Even as a slave, he doesn't reflect on his pain or suffering because he was pretty much the top game among slave boys, and as Yue Qi says, “the other party would be the one to end up suffering and bawling in terror” (p. 82).
It’s also very meaningful how Part 3 starts:
“Shen Jiu thought a lot about why Yue Qi never returned to look for him” (p. 90).
Yess, right after Sj thinks that Yq should never’ve returned to look for Shiwu. Coincidence? I don’t think so!
Sj says “go back to save him”, but the one who actually saves them both, Shiwu and Yq, is Sj.
The question here is, does Shen jiu regret saving yue qi? Or is he afraid, as we see at the beginning of Part 3, that yue qi learned his lesson, and won’t come back to save a kid that could betray him at the end? Do you think that, after being imprisoned at the water prison, Shen Jiu considers himself a Shiwu too, betraying Yue Qingyuan and guiding the fall of the Cang Qiong Sect?
How do you think it felt for Sj to never get those answers either?
Before going foward, something very meaningful from Part 2 is Qi Jianluo’s reflections around Shen Jiu.
“As long as the boy remained obedient and honest, there would be no issues” (p. 88).
And “Humans must understand and repay kindness. Our family gave you the chance to play human, so even if it means repaying us with your life, that’s just how it should be.” (p. 89).
Who could you remember was obedient and honest? And wasn’t human?
Isn’t it awfully coincidental that the despicable way in which Qi Jianluo viewed Shen Jiu, is exactly what he tries to destroy in Luo Binghe? His honesty and obedience, his human side?
I’m not saying Sj did it intentionally, he clearly hated the boy, as stated in this chapter. But he made him the opposite of the weak, scorned version of himself.
And this is exactly what he says at the end of the chapter:
“Luo Binghe, everything you have today you owe to taking me as your master, so shouldn’t you thank me? Instead, you’re wholly unable to tell what’s good for yourself. As expected, you’re an ungrateful bastard” (p. 116).
Going forward, Part 3! Right off the bat, we have this beautiful phrase that just makes me go aghh:
“Shen Jiu even imagined walking to the ends of the earth looking for Yue Qi’s remains, and how, after finding them, he would dig him a grave with his own two hands. Perhaps he would even do his best to shed a tear” (p 90).
Let me remind you, that this is the only, single mention of crying in the whole chapter. From everything that Shen QingQiu has gone through, he has only thought of crying in the face of Yue Qi’s potential death.
He doesn’t cry when he receives the remains of Xuan Su, though. Because “This was not Yue Qi but Yue Qingyuan (p. 94).
Then, Shen Jiu puts it into words:
“Some people were rotten from birth. Shen Jiu thought of himself in exactly this way — someone vile and poisonous [ejem, like Shiwu, whose presence brought misfortune to his literal savior] from the start. Because, at that instant, he came to a crystal-clear realization:
That he’d rather have met a Yue Qi who’d died in some unknown corner, his remains unsightly and forgotten, than a Yue Qingyuan who was elegant and powerful, his prospects and future boundless” (p. 95).
This is exactly what I said before when I mention that Sj reflection’s starts from his pain, and his pain is born in the Qi household. Before, as a slave boy, Shen Jiu was actually the happiest. And that’s why he’d rather have a dead Yue Qi than an alive Yue Qingyuan: because he was still Shen Jiu, and he would be Shen Jiu until his death.
It’s right then and there, that Shen Jiu decides there’s something inevitably wrong in him, that he’s poisonous, scornful, and hateful.
And that word marks his future in Cang Qiong:
Part 4: “Shen Jiu hated far too many and far too many things” (p. 95).
But then, we get this phrase:
“I may be a hateful thing for most people, but luckily the Qing Jing Peak Lord doesn't despise me” (p. 99)
Is Shen QingQiu hateful, or is he hated?
Also, “thing”. He’s a hateful thing. So he’s still not human.
Changing topics, on page 100, we get to see a new side of Shen Jiu: his reflection on the women of the Red Pavilion. I think it’s very interesting to compare it with Sy’s considerations of women.
“Liking women wasn’t the least shameful, but treating women like saviors, cowering within their embrace and seeking courage from them... even without anyone saying it, Shen Qingqiu knew that was horrendously shameful”
From his wording, I don’t think Sj thinks badly of women: he thinks badly of himself. He considers that a man should be able to protect others, not be protected. The “horrendously shameful” thing is himself, and his pain.
And what’s really meaningful is when he says: “even without anyone saying it”. Because it shows us that many things Shen Jiu knows were taught by others' words. Because he was a slave boy, with no education of the noble, or even human ways (as slaves aren’t considered people), and everything he gathers of life he is constantly learning from others.
So of course he is hateful, and of course, he doesn’t get along with others: he hasn’t learned how to (and how big of a coincidence is it that Shen Yuan, who’s from a wealthy family, is able to get along with his Martial siblings just fine?).
Shen Qingqiu also knows that the only reason he was able to become a Peak Lord, is thanks to Qiu Jianluo’s teachings:
“In the past, Qiu Jianluo had forced Shen Jiu to learn how to read and write. Shen Jiu had been unwilling to learn, had detested it to the point of madness, yet now it was only through his abilities in reading and studying—through being smarter than his peers—that he’d been able to earn the Qing Jing Peak’s lord's favor. To make it even more laughable, of the thousands of possible names in this world, the peak lord had just happened to name him Qingqiu” (p. 101).
Doesn’t this remind you of something? I’m going to write this quote once again:
“Luo Binghe, everything you have today you owe to taking me as your master, so shouldn’t you thank me? Instead, you’re wholly unable to tell what’s good for yourself. As expected, you’re an ungrateful bastard” (p. 116).
Just like Luo Binghe, Sj is where he is thanks to his abusive master. But never once does Sj regret his past:
“But no matter how laughable, no matter how it made him gnash his teeth, Shen Qingqiu still wanted that name, for this name represented that from now onward, a shining new life was his” (p. 116).
Notice the change of preposition, from “that” to “this”? That name is the Qiu name, and this name is the QingQiu name.
He is no Shen QingQiu, and no longer Shen Jiu.
“‘That name irritates me whenever I hear it. I’ve long forgotten it. So please, Zhangmen-shixiong, you should also discard it.’
[...] ‘ Then, the day you responder to it would be the day it no longer irritates you?’
[...] ‘ That would never happen’” (p. 101-102).
Shen Wingqiu wholeheartedly accepts his new name.
No matter what happened, we never see Shen QingQiu regretting his actions, neither cursing his fate. He accepts what life gives him, and he accepts his punishments.
“What’s happened has happened! I’ve already ‘considered’ it hundreds and thousands of times! There is no ‘if’, no ‘in the beginning’—, there was never any chance of redemption!” (p. 111).
And you know why that is? Because he already considered it a lot after Shiwu’s betrayal.
Shiwu should have been trampled, Yue Qi shouldn’t have gone to save him (should’ve come to save Shen Jiu). But after that experience, Shen Jiu learns that should’ve and could’ve, and would’s aren’t worth anything, because, at the end of the day, his life never goes the way it should.
And he just accepts it: “Only when I see other people unhappy can I be happy myself” (p. 112).
This quote was very strange to me because it didn’t really match Shen Jiu’s actions. We don’t see him going out of his way to make others unhappy. (Except Luo Binghe lol. He openly admits to trying to murder him).
I think the situation was quite the opposite: It was when Shen Qingqiu was happy, that others were unhappy: when he was in the Warm Red Pavillion, others were unhappy. When he was with his female disciples, others were unhappy. When he succeeded as a disciple and became Peak Lord, others were unhappy. And when he was a slave, living alongside Yue Qi in the streets, he now believes Yue Qingyuan was unhappy too.
Shen QingQiu’s happiness came with the price of others’ happiness, and that’s why he comes to accept that he prefers others’ suffering, he accepts other’s hate.
The first time Shen Qingqiu is in the Linxhi Caves alongside Yue Qingyuan, he notices the crude markings on the walls, and asks him about it. What’s relevant of this scene is that it’s the first time Shen QingQiu is the one starting a conversation.
Before that, we always see Yue Qingyuan looking for Shen Qingqiu, talking to him, interrogating him, and a Shen Qingqiu reluctant to talk. In this scene, the opposite happens: Shen Qingqiu asks, and Yue Qingqiu ignores him.
Here we see, that in those fundamental moments that Shen Qingqiu is the one interested in something, others (Yue Qingyuan) are distant.
Last but not least, I’d like to bring some of the last lines of the chapter to light:
“He had singlehandedly created the Luo Binghe of today, but who had singlehandedly wrought this ending of Shen Qingqiu’s?
Yue Qingyuan shouldn't have met this kind of fate” (p. 117).
THIS
THIS PHRASE
Made me go ughrr oh my god.
First of all, the acceptance: like yeah, I made the devil. It came to bite me in the ass. Okey.
But does he regret that? NO! He regrets being who he is. What he is. He regrets what he became: he regrets being hated, being unhappy, he regrets being mean, not because of what it caused him, but because of the person he became.
Shen Qingqiu never, not even once feels pity for his ending, for being tortured and mutilated. He only regrets being unhappy.
And also, he blames Yue Qingyuan for it.
Because it isn’t a coincidence that after that question, he mentions Yue Qingyuan’s name. First of all is a literary resource. Second, it’s the clear association of the narrator’s mind as he builds a sequence.
He blames Yue Qingyuan for the person he became, and also blames Yue Qingyuan for not being able to avoid the person he became: he denies his cruel destiny.
Yue Qingyuan shouldn't have met this kind of fate.
Because Shen Qingqiu only ever wished for the death of Yue Qi.
This chapter’s narrator is a very sharp, and concise one. He goes from scene to scene, from thought to thought, abandoning fluency and just concentrating on a list of events. This is a reflection of Shen Jiu’s mind: a recollection of traumatic events that brutally shaped him into the man he became.
We see very little emotion, very short pieces of a sentimental being that laze themselves as puzzle pieces trying to make the shape of a deeply traumatized man.
I said it before, and I say it again: SVSSS is a masterpiece, is a book that will become a classic and be analyzed by literary critics in universities (or it should become. we can only hope).
And MXTX is one of the best current fiction writers in the world.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk lol
#svsss#svsss novel#shen jiu#Shen Yuan#shen qingqiu#bingiu#liu qingge#liu mingyan#sha hualing#mxtx#mxtx books#mxtx characters#yue qingyuan#im not crying you are
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Delicate (Pt. 1)
summary: jake meets natasha's friend and gets his first taste of gentleness, but before he can chase the feeling, natasha blocks him off.
pairing: jake seresin x female reader.
warnings: negative self talk, cursing, mentions of drinking, sex, and nudity. this is a 18+ blog.
word count: 2.5k.
next part
“Fine. We don’t even have to kiss.” Natasha offers, forehead slumped against your knees.
Natasha lost all shame when she came to you minutes ago, pleading with you to play pretend girlfriend this weekend with her—In hopes that her WSO would make the first move on her, provoked by jealousy.
She has stooped so low-even to the point where she’s gotten down on both her knees in the middle of your living room, hoping her desperation translates.
“Who even said anything about that!” you shriek, covering your face from embarrassment–refusing to look at her.
“Would you please get off your knees Nat?” you ask, dragging your hands down your face–stressed by her proposition.
Upon hearing your strained plea, Natasha defeatedly peels herself off the floor, ignoring the bruising pain in her knees.
“Look, if Bob is as sweet as you say he is, I doubt he’d try to play homewrecker, Natasha,” you’re firm with your response.
Natasha sighs, haphazardly throwing herself onto the couch, next to you.
“You’re right,” she admits.
“How about you try making a move?” You reach over, resting your hand atop her head out of habit.
“You think I haven’t tried? Every time I flirt with him, he looks like he wants to run in the opposite direction.” The brunette leans into your touch, allowing you to stroke the top of her head.
“Maybe he’s not sure if you’re joking or not,” you turn your head to gauge her reaction, but Natsha is blankly staring at the floor.
“I don’t know if I have it in me to say I like him so outright like that,” she cautiously confesses.
You’ve never seen Natasha so down on her luck before, her usual fiery attitude is nowhere to be seen, almost as if it never existed in the first place. You two have never found yourselves in a situation like this in the span of your friendship, it’s strange to say the least, and so you’re both lost on what to do.
Natasha takes a peak at your face, hearing you hum in contemplation. She takes in your expression as your mind begins to skim through possible solutions, eager to relieve your best friend from her problem.
“I’ll come with you to the bar this weekend,” you start,
Natasha immediately straightens up, almost smacking you in the process.
“Only for emotional support, You’re gonna tell him you like him. And because I believe in you, I’ll be there to cheer you on,” you finish, resolutely pointing your finger at her.
“I fucking love you,” she leaps herself at you, attempting to hug you.
“One day, he better love you enough that he’d go streaking for you,” you poke her side, smiling, reminding her of the time the two of you went streaking back in college—after you had just made up from a ridiculous argument. It was almost like a strange promise—that no matter what, you’d be willing to completely embarrass yourself for the other person.
It would have been a waste if you two didn’t stay friends after running down butt naked on the busiest street of your town. After all–you almost got arrested for public indecency that day.
“I hope you find someone who would go streaking for you too, besides me of course.” She gloats happily, arms squeezing around you even tighter.
Surprisingly enough, this is the first time you’re meeting Natasha’s team. The anxiety you felt leading up to this weekend is no longer a thought in your mind because everyone welcomed you with open arms, hugging and complimenting you as they introduced themselves. In a way, they’re all reflections of Natasha–reliable, kind, and self-assured, and you’re glad she’s surrounded by a good group of people. Though, you have yet to meet the last member of her team.
“Hey, where’s Hangman at, Coyote?” The tanned man you remember as Rooster, asks.
Coyote opens his mouth to speak, but shuts it again, not sure if he can say it.
“No.” Rooster exclaims, setting down his beer.
“Yup.” Coyote nods, lips scrunched into a tight line.
Before you could even turn to ask Natasha why everyone around the pool table looks distraught, there’s a shrieking sound by the entrance and it seems to be moving closer.
“Jakey-pie, come on,” the person whines.
Noticing everyone scattering around, trying to make themselves look busy at the sound of the voice, you look up—right in the direction that everyone is currently avoiding.
Your eyes first land on the girl, she’s obviously young–somewhere in her mid twenties, and her choice of clothing is, well it’s definitely a choice. But—she’s strikingly beautiful, you really had no room to judge her.
Natasha and Bob laugh beside you, watching as your eyes practically hang out of your skull upon seeing the girl inappropriately slobbering her lips over the neck of the blond man she’s clung to.
Your eyes frantically scatter to the man’s face, slightly disturbed by the girl’s very public display of affection.
He has a sheepish smile on his face, but anyone with half a brain could pick up on the fact that there’s a twinge of discomfort in his expression. You can’t help but frown, wondering how often she does this to him.
“Sorry I’m late guys. I had to pick up Stella.” The blond finally reaches the group, announcing an apology for his late arrival.
A chorus of it’s okay and it’s fine are heard–but no one truly sounds like they’re okay with it at all.
Jake’s nervous eyes scan over everyone, heart lurching at everyone’s dispirited reactions. But then he lands his sights on you.
His breath almost gets caught in his throat for a second. You’re the only one that’s not avoiding his gaze or sending him a dirty look–and your eyes are so kind.
“Hey. I’m Jake or Hangman, I don’t believe we’ve met yet.” He forgets Stella’s arm is slung around his own, failing to free himself from her to shake your hand.
Jake prepares himself, expecting to see you judge him for letting the younger girl control his every move. Instead, you chose to smile at him, assuring him that it truly is okay.
You don’t even falter under Stella’s harsh glare either, and a small part of Jake starts to believe his nonna’s rants on how love at first sight is very much plausible.
“Hi, I’m Natasha’s-”
“Friend who will be grabbing more drinks with me and Bob.” Natasha cuts you off, pulling you towards the bar.
Baffled by her reaction, you turn to disapprovingly glare at her.
Behind you, Bob is smiling to himself—quietly observing your dynamic with the other pilot.
“That was rude,” you huff, leaning against the bar.
“I was doing you a favor,” she scolds, nose pointed in the air.
Bob tries to come to the guy’s defense, moving to stand next to Natasha. “He’s not that bad.”
“You’re too sweet Bobby,” your best friend sighs.
You’re quickly distracted from Natasha’s previous behavior, slyly smiling to yourself because you notice that Bob’s ears are bright red at the small compliment.
You’ve managed to slip away from Natasha and Bob not long ago, a strong craving for pizza–invoked by a drink or two, leads you towards the exit of the Hard Deck.
From seeing the glowing red exit sign, your feet move on their own towards it, like a moth to a flame.
But to your dismay, someone goes flying against your back, sending you to land straight on the bar floor.
Dusting off your legs, you manage to stand again–turning around to see the commotion behind you.
“Ugh. Go away Jakey-pie,” the girl groans, after shoving Jake.
“Honey, you’re drunk, let me just take you home.” Jake pleads, exasperated, not even realizing he's knocked you to the ground.
“No. I’m gonna uber to another bar with my friends, this place is boring.” She protests, her heels clicking loudly against the floor as she stalks off.
Jake doesn’t even have it in him to chase after her, shoulders drooping as he watches her unapologetically slam into strangers until she dips from his sight.
“Do you always let twenty year olds walk all over you like that?” A softer voice fills his ears.
He cranes his neck to check behind him, and there you are.
You are calmer in comparison to Stella, and Jake feels your energy waft off on him–allowing him to relax in your presence.
“Hey, Natasha’s friend,” he greets you, smiling as he extends his hand towards you–successfully this time.
You gladly shake his hand, noticing his grip is a little weak, which is odd for someone in his field.
And though the younger girl is far gone, you see the discomfort from earlier still swimming in his eyes. He looked like he needed some cheering up, and what better way to cheer someone up but with pizza?
“Hi Jakey-pie, are you in the mood for pizza?” you ask, head tilted.
“Lead the way please,” he nods, with satisfied smile plastered on his face, at the thought of a hot slice of pizza.
You comically spin to face the exit again, a little spurred on by the idea of pizza and Jake's smile grows wider watching you stomp off, mimicking Stella for his entertainment.
And before he can process it, you're already half way across the bar. Jake’s unsure how you’re navigating around bodies so well, and he grows worried trying to keep track of you as you swiftly move around fellow navy men who shamelessly stare down to look at your backside.
Finally catching up to you, he hoovers closely behind to block off the view of your butt–grinning directly at a man who looks at him angrily.
“Pizza reveal…are you ready?”
“So ready,” he nods, equally as eager as you.
Both of you turn to make sure the other has their hands placed on their respective boxes.
“1…2…3…Go.”
You both rip open the top of your pizza boxes, closing your eyes to inhale the intoxicating swirl of tomato sauce, slightly burnt crust, and melted mozzarella.
“Noo, Jakey-pie! You’re a pineapple on pizza kind of guy?” You pull your hand up to your face, covering your gaping mouth.
“Says you, mushroom pizza girl,” he scoffs, looking into your pizza box.
You both stare at each other, pretending to be upset with one another until laughter erupts between you two.
You’re laughing so hard, you snort–and Jake almost pees himself when he sees strangers glare at you for being so loud.
“Hey, so what’s the deal with that girlfriend of yours?” You ask, taking a bite of your slice.
“She’s not really my girl. I don’t know,” he sighs, joining you by taking a bite from his own pizza.
“You know, it’s really no good for you if you keep someone like that around,” you suddenly grow serious.
Truthfully, Jake wants to take your advice but he’s not sure if he can, because Stella is exactly the type of person he purposely keeps around.
She’s the kind of girl Jake feels worthy of–ones who stroke his ego and dick–and only listens to him talk about his feelings while they’re completely plastered, not remembering a thing he says by the time they sober up.
“What if that kind of person is the only thing I'm deserving of?” Jake doesn’t know if it’s the three beers or the dizzying San Francisco heat, but he lets his guard down without feeling an ounce of wariness.
“Why don’t you see your worth, Jake?” You grimly set down your pizza to look up at him, hunger completely forgotten.
You look so concerned for him, and Jake doesn’t know how to process the strange feeling that starts to fill up his chest. How is that you–a stranger, care for him more than Stella has before? More than anyone has before?
Jake feels himself shrink in front of you, unsure if he’s deserving of being in your presence.
“If you heard what people said about me sweetheart,” Jake reaches to twist open his soda.
“You might agree that I’m not worth too much,” his body grows so weak, he struggles to get the cap open.
“Let me help you.”
Jake stares up at you wide eyed, unsure if you’re talking about helping him see his worth—or helping him open his soda.
“I knew I’d find you here.” A voice furiously calls out from across the parking lot.
Natasha’s commanding tone sends you snapping your heads in her direction, looking like two deers caught in headlights.
She’s almost running towards you, with Bob struggling to keep up behind her.
“You–young lady, are coming home with me.” She grabs you from the slab of sidewalk you planted your butt on, you stumble to stand on your feet–carefully balancing your pizza box.
“Wait. Let me get your-” Jake sputters.
“Hangman. See you Monday,” she cuts him off immediately, pairing it with a cold look.
“And Bobby, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She pecks Bob right on the mouth, causing your jaw to fall slack.
“What—wait-” It’s too late. She’s already leading you by the arm away from the two men.
Bob bites his lip, watching as you and Jake just sadly watch each other–worried you won’t ever get to finish your conversation.
Bagman:
Hey
Trace:
No.
“Well..at least she responded '' Coyote says, peering over Jake’s shoulder, trying to ease his best friend’s disencourage state.
Bagman:
All I said was hey?
Trace:
That was already too much lol.
Bagman:
What’s your friend's name…?
“Don’t put those dots dude, you sound creepy!” Coyote exclaims, trying to grab at the phone–but Jake already sent it.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Jake frustratedly yells back, unconsciously biting his nails.
Trace:
Her name is Phoenix Lover.
Bagman:
Please? I’ll literally do anything.
Natasha’s eyes almost burn, staring contemplatively at the bright screen. Hangman begging? That's new. Hangman begging her? That’s something rare. Biting down on her lip, Natasha types out her reply, thumb hovering over the send button, unsure. Fuck it.
Trace:
Meet me here next week at 3, and I’ll tell you.
Jake and Coyote stare blankly at the address Phoenix sends over.
“Why does she want to meet there? There’s gonna be tourists flooding that area by then.” Coyote ponders.
“I don’t even care man, I’m showing up.” Jake swallows, typing out a thank you.
Natasha shuts her phone off, slamming it against her beating heart. She stares up at the ceiling, her vision trying to adjust to the pitch black room.
Seconds later, her phone dings, signifying that Hangman already texted back, and she hurriedly lifts the device back up to her face.
Hangman:
Thank you so much.
See you Monday, goodnight Phoenix.
“Are you texting Bobby?” You tease, turning over in her bed.
“What the shit. I thought you were asleep.” Natasha flinches, almost dropping her phone.
“I can’t sleep. I miss Jakey-pie,” you replicate Stella’s whine.
And although you sound like you're joking, you're really not. Your mind has been whirling ever since you got back with Natasha, unable to ease the worried feeling that festered in your stomach since that conversation with Jake.
“But seriously though, are you texting him?” You change the topic, not wanting to make it more difficult for yourself to sleep.
“No, I’m making plans to watch someone go streaking next week,” she proudly brags.
“What? Who? Can I come?” You shuffle closer to her in bed.
“No. Goodnight.” Natasha turns her back on you, hiding her smile from view.
thank you for reading, and as always-reblogs are greatly appreciated!
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outside of the general principles of credibility and fact-checking (or including those if you want) and looking for commitment to peace and shared prosperity like you mentioned in your pinned, do you have any other advice on gauging the reliability of sources regarding israel/palestine? or any particular sources you recommend as reliable or warn against as unreliable? there's so much misinfo and disinfo out there that i often end up getting overwhelmed and sharing nothing specific - and i know that's not exactly helpful, i'm just not sure where to start.
This is SUCH a good and important question!!! Thank you so much for asking it. I’ve been waiting until after work today to answer, so I can give it the attention it deserves.
This is an incredibly complex topic. It is completely ok to tackle only one item of this at a time. It is ok to spend more time listening than speaking. It is ok to only do basic fact checking until these things become second nature. It seems like a lot. But it actually becomes quite simple when you realize that, as a member of a non-affected group, your only job is to steer the conversation toward truth and peace.
That means most of what you are doing is rejecting sources and individuals engaging in bad faith discourse by simply not engaging with them. Your next most common task will be to publicly fact check bad faith discourse or incorrect information that has spread too far.
It is tempting to become outraged when you become familiar with bad faith discourse and data and see it spread widely. However, remember that this is incredibly complex and even the most experienced people get things wrong on this subject all the time. If you notice an error in what appears to be someone trying to bring attention to a cause they care deeply about, approach with kindness first. Always.
Try a reblog or a personal message with a link to the problematic post and say something like,
Hey. I care a lot about [issue] too. And I am trying really hard to make sure everything being spread right now is verifiable and accurate so nobody gets upset about things that aren’t true. Did you know that [thing you said+link to the post where you said it] was actually proven false by [reliable source+link to that source]? I’m really glad that didn’t happen. Of course, terrible things are still happening [to Palestinians/Israelis/Jews/Muslims/Arabs] on/in [college campuses/diaspora/Palestine/Israel/etc] there all the time. But at least nobody has to suffer through [incorrect info]. By the way, I’ve found a lovely organization run by actual Palestinians/Israelis/Arabs/Muslims/Jews working together to find peace for all. Check it out, I think it has promise! [link to reliable cause/organization]
Here is a wonderful site for MENA-based organizations geared toward fostering a shared peaceful future in a variety of ways.
Give the poster a chance to self correct. You will be wrong in the future. Model the way you would like to be informed of an error.
I briefly touched on the basics of identifying any source as reliable here. I won’t reiterate because this may be a long post and I wanna save space. But it contains the basics of what I learned in college.
One of the most important things to keep in mind is that no source is objective. No source is without bias. And there is no way to make any source objective or without bias.
News is written by people. And all people have viewpoints. Giving all voices in a conflict equal importance is not inherently unbiased, because that risks giving support to more harmful ideas and equating harmful ideas, ideologies, and organizations with reasonable ones. Likewise, asserting that one viewpoint is correct and being unwavering in this belief no matter what is obviously no way to cultivate a balanced and well informed viewpoint.
Your job is to use critical thinking skills to examine the level of bias in a piece of media as well as how responsibly the source handles that bias. Your job is also to do your best to be aware of bias as well as what bias is relevant to the subject matter being reported. A source that is left leaning, but never shares fake information and is always verifiable is preferable to a source that is moderate but consistently shares half truths or faulty information.
Sometimes, information from a less than ideal source can be shared, but if you are sharing that source, you must explicitly state that source’s flaws and why you chose to share that information anyway. And if you are unable to find a better source, you should state that you are sharing information that may be incomplete or inaccurate and you are happy to update the post you are sharing if and when more information or confirmation from a more reliable source emerges. There are very limited situations where this is appropriate. Usually I would suggest not sharing information from such sources at all unless it can be backed up by better information.
One example of such a case is information about antisemitic hate crimes from the ADL. The ADL has a very problematic history and one should be aware of it when they share statistical data from the organization. However, that doesn’t make their information inherently unusable. It makes their information inherently suspect, though. In order for anything shared from the ADL to be worth sharing, you should be able to evaluate the data collection method and the sources of the data. And if there is any information in the data you are sharing that is not appropriate, you should explicitly draw attention to it, not try to hide it.
Case Study: Global Antisemitic Incidents in the Wake of Hamas’ War on Israel
This list contains very useful data on incidents of antisemitic violence against Jews in diaspora since 10/7/2023. I trust this data because: it links to each individual news source it references, often with pictures of the attacker/attack/incident and time stamps. It’s data is open to questioning and its sources are available to check individually. This is in line with the ADL’s mission statement of tracking antisemitism. Documenting antisemitism is not an inherently biased practice nor do I have any reason to believe that they lie about the antisemitic incidents they document. As that is not one of the things that critics accuse the ADL of, I do not see a reason to question its record on antisemitic incident reporting. I have never heard a critic make a substantiated claim against their formally collected data as falsified. I am willing to be proven wrong on this, but I will interrogate a source claiming this as thoroughly as I interrogate the ADL as a source itself. I am skeptical of this source because: the title of the article uses extremely biased language that makes the war seem one sided. The advantage of this source is: it is one of the few sources existing that collects data on antisemitic violence and hate incidents of Jews in diaspora. A sign of good faith from the organization: they dedicate a page to addressing criticisms of their organization, which means they feel confident that criticisms of them will stand up to scrutiny. It is not sufficient to use this page to absolve them of any of the listed criticisms, but it should help you find articles that critique the ADL as well as relevant information that supports their defense. Thus, you must come to your own conclusion on whether or not that information is trustworthy on the matter you are commenting on. A sign of possible bad faith from the organization: their page devoted to confronting myths and inaccuracies about their organization’s history does not address accusations about supporting South African Apartheid or failing to call the Armenian Genocide a genocide. An acknowledgment of my own limitations: I am not an expert in South African Apartheid in any way nor am I an expert on the Armenia genocide. Any other relevant information: Any reputable news sources verify information before reporting. If a news source that is verifiably responsible in its reporting cites information from the ADL, I will assume they have made adequate inquiries to verify that information as accurate enough to report. For example, if AP reported information and cited the ADL statistics, I would assume that the ADL made sure the data fit its high standard for reportage.
Conclusion: I find the ADL to be a trustworthy enough source of data about antisemitic attacks and incidents on Jews in diaspora, but only in cases where their sources and/or methodology are made public and/or another more regulated or otherwise more reliable source of statistical information partners with them. Because I lack expertise on South African Apartheid on the Armenian Genocide, I will not share information from the ADL about Palestinian apartheid, segregation, oppression, or genocide (until or unless I become more well-versed in these topics or am able to devote substantial energy into fact checking each claim in what I share. If I ever choose to do this, I will share every source I used to verify the information so that others may check my work and inform me if I’m wrong. At this time, I do not foresee a situation where I would refer to the ADL for matters about Palestinian concerns). The ADL in general and the linked source in particular seems to be an overall worthwhile source to cite on matters of antisemitism. The ADL does not meet my standards of a reliable source on Palestinian suffering. Check each link/source on an ADL source you want to share and form an informed conclusion on its reliability before sharing.
Also, be aware that primary sources with biased information are extremely valuable but never objective on their own. A tweet from the IDF or a statement from a released Palestinian prisoner may both be true! But sharing them as if they are definitely true without fact checking the information through the most trustworthy sources available is irresponsible. Do not share any social media information as fact. You are free to share social media information and publicly explore its implications in a responsible manner, but it is not responsible to discuss them as facts.
Case study: When something in Gaza or Israel is bombed, be sure that you know who the key players and commentators are.
When the IDF releases a statement blaming Hamas for bombing their own citizens, know that the IDF has a vested interest in not being perceived as an aggressor. When the Ministry of Health in Gaza accuses the Israeli military of being responsible for the attack, be aware that the Ministry of Health in Gaza is run by Hamas and is not a third party neutral source. Do not post anything about an event like this until the information is fully vetted by a neutral third party source (or as neutral as you are likely to find on such a hot button issue).
The best way you can help during an emerging story is to urge others to wait for full details, call out people irresponsibly casting blame before the facts are in (especially politicians), and repeatedly verify every source of information as they are named so that you know if they are trustworthy. Do not trust politicians who espouse inflammatory and prematurely accusatory information and do not make a public retraction and apology when they are found to be wrong.
That said, it is always appropriate to express sorrow for loss of life. You do not need to accuse a killer in order to do this.
There are also sites geared toward helping you identify the source itself fairly. Note: sites like these will help you evaluate the publication or news entity (eg New York Times, Al Jazeera, Haaretz, etc.). They won’t help you evaluate an individual journalist or article.
Some sites to help you verify credibility:
Media Bias Fact Check: Allows you to verify sources based on the news source’s political bias in terms of a left-right spectrum as well as by their reliability on matters of science, their use of questionable sources, and use of satire. Also, you can check how reliably factual the source’s reporting is. You can also sort by country, media type, general credibility, and how well trafficked the source is. They also publicly offer insight into their methodology of coming to these conclusions.
The Associated Press (AP) fact checks individual claims. Other news organizations fact checking claims include Reuters, The Washington Post and AFP. While AP is a gold standard and generally reliable, be aware that news organizations are also subject to bias. The advantage is that news organizations have investigative reporters on staff to investigate claims. The disadvantage is the bias inherent to the publication itself.
Other third party cites checking facts in news reports and in politics include:
FactCheck.org
Politifact
Snopes
Lakehead University offers an entire site devoted to developing media literacy as well as many ways to search fact checking sites. So does Kansas State University, and UMass Amherst. Many universities offer sites like this. I urge you to look into them.
Once you find a news or data source you trust, do a quick google search on the journalist’s name and a relevant phrase to the aspect of the conflict being reported on. For example The Newspaper Tribune Times Chronicle may be trustworthy. Veteran reporter, Ima Journalist may have written an article about Israel Bombing Gaza. So, before sharing it, just Google: “Ima journalist” + Israel Palestine Jews antisemitism Islamophobia. Make sure you don’t see something like “Ima Journalist photographed screaming ‘Hitler was actually a super good guy!’ anywhere in her history. When satisfied, feel free to share the story.
Other points to keep in mind:
Be aware of crappy tactics on both sides of the i/p conflict.
The IDF is often accused of excessive violence and planting evidence on Palestinians. This often leads to Palestinians being unfairly accused of terrorist intent and criminal violence.
Hamas uses civilians as human shields — both by using individual humans as shields and also launching bombs from civilian buildings (like hospitals, preschools, and libraries), building militaristic infrastructure in or beneath those same civilian buildings, and instigating conflict with IDF soldiers positioned near residential and civilian locations. This allows Hamas to escape criticism by framing the IDF as mindlessly bloodthirsty and eager to kill Palestinian civilians.
And finally, make sure accusations and talking points never conform to antisemitic conspiracy theories.
The universal aspects of antisemitic conspiracy theories (detailed more fully in the source linked above and also in another post I made) are:
Accusing Jews of replacing another group or population
Accusing Jews of pretending to be something they are not
Accusing Jews of dominating or attempting to dominate a prominent or essential aspect of a society or the world at large.
Accusing Jewish people of genocide and bloodlust in pursuit of personal gain
Accusing Jews of undue privilege or if appropriating something belonging to others.
Dehumanizing Jews by grouping them under a collective name or identity.
I hope this helps! Feel free to share it!
#antisemitism#islamophobia#media literacy#infodemiology#long post#resources#fact checking#Israel#Palestine#critical thinking#how to help#responsible advocacy#jewish muslim solidarity#israel Palestine solidarity#israeli Palestinian solidarity#be kind
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So... I paid $220 to go from this...
To this...
I'm pretty sure that was not worth it.
But good for Dakota. He is an excellent salesman.
Now, my previous tire sensors were wildly inaccurate. Sometimes they were off by over 5-10 PSI. I can't tell you how many times I thought my tires were nearly flat and then I'd bust out my Jaco Elite Digital Tire Pressure Gauge with shop-grade accuracy, a robust stem, and a 360° swivel chuck...
And I'd be like, "Yo Jaco, my dashboard says my left front tire only has 18 PSI!"
And Jaco would be like, "Dude, chill. You're still at 27. You'll be fine. Also, remember that since your brother had to swap out a wheel, your sensors think your left front tire is your right front tire. He said it was a pain to fix and you should just remember which is which and he was sure that wouldn't be confusing in the future."
Narrator: It was very confusing.
If there could be one redeeming result from this, it would be getting those Cadillac-grade super accurate tire pressure readings.
So... let's compare the new fancy $220 pressure sensors to Jaco, who is certified accurate to professional ANSI 2A standards.
*drumroll*
Well slap my patoot and call me a Cadillac.
That's... amazing.
The largest delta was only 0.6 PSI!
I don't know if that meets ANSI 2A standards, but that exceeds FROGGIE 2A standards.
And the left front tire was the left front tire and the right front tire was the right front tire. And I'm sure all of that time I spent training myself to reverse the reading from the front tires will not cause any more confusion.
Narrator: It will.
This means I can actually rely on these readings. I don't actually have to bend over and kill myself trying to stick Jaco onto the little... *brain gears grinding* umm... the tire nipple? The pressure nubbin? The nubbin nipple pressure thingie?
The valve stem!
That's what that's called. The tire nubbin nipple valve stem.
Poor Jaco might end up collecting dust. I'll make sure I remember to press his rapid air bleeder every once in a while to give him some attention.
Narrator: He won't.
Poor Jaco.
In any case, having reliable pressure sensors that save me from bending over does make me feel better. Not $220 better. But better. I mean, having an expensive thing be functional is a low bar, but I am happy it works.
Alright, down to business. Who wants to see some beauty shots of these budget tires that get super hard in the winter?
May I introduce you to the Radar Dimax AS-8 tires.
So fresh and new.
So rubbery.
Those leaves were totally just there. By no means did I kick them in front of the tire to add a pop of color. I have journalistic integrity and I only shoot the truth.
Look at that asymmetric tread on this all season sport touring tire.
Do you want to go sport touring with me?
Is that a thing people do?
Look at how deep that tread is. These babies won't be balding for years.
Let's get closer.
Absolutely cavernous.
I'd even say that tread depth is downright... trenchy.
Like, I'm half expecting an X-wing to fly in there.
If only I knew someone proficient in the ways of Photoshop.
I'm that someone!
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🌱🌼Rating moon signs (from my experience)🌼🌱
🌱Fyi, my take on each moon sign from my impressions and experience, doesn’t define everyone with the specific moon sign🌱
💥Aries moons💥 : 6.7/10
I have to be honest... I’ve never met an aries moon LMAO. It is hard to believe considering my libra stellium lol but none of my friend group has aries moon. I do know a friend who has a sibling with aries moon. My impressions are that theyre fun and have their iconic moments.They won’t hesitate to fight or call out ppl, they would fight for their friends if they got disrespected and themselves. Altho from wut I see they seem sensitive and if someone gets on their nerves or feelings, they could be passive aggressive or make rude comments towards them. They seem a bit too firey - they can’t control wut they say at times, and it may be hard to vibe or understand their flow at times. They embody their feelings a lot, and especially when its anger, as aries is a fire sign, having it in moon would make them lash out at times and it may seem unreasonable to others. They’re always on the go in some way, like they’re chilling but the next thing they decide to go shopping with friends lol. A chill to no chill fiesty softie. They’re just not my vibe at times tho.
🪴Taurus moons🪴 : 8.5/10
These individuals are very grounded and in tune with their thoughts and emotions. These people are often loyal to their friends and protective of them as well. They are very easy to talk to and provide a safe space or a comforting space because moon is exalted in taurus. They’re caring and soft individuals at the same time, they like nature and prefer cozy fitted clothing. They give me calm plant mom friend vibes, and are reliable to their loved ones. The type to help you with your homework, or to offer support when you need it the most. I’d say one bad side of taurus is that they tend to be stubborn of their values and nothing can change their principles or mind. They can also tend to stick to their comfort zone and not branch out to new things or opportunities sometimes, but its not a major problem.
🦜Gemini moons🦜 : 7.3/10
Very smart in terms of intaking info and utilizing it, but also becuz of how much random info they take in, they could lose track of some. Easily gets bored of some hobbies or topics, which is why they delve into many to satiate their curiosity and interest. A good learner in school, but may have a hard time focusing if overwhelmed with many information. May struggle with organizing their thoughts at times. Understands concepts and ideas easily. Not very emotional or “grounded” in terms of their emotions becuz they may not like talking or delving deep into their emotions. They don’t show their vulnerable side unless to close close friends. Sensitive at heart but also doesn’t show it, often showing a detached “cheerful” impression. They’re bright people and interested in philosophical and deeper concepts/questions of the world. Though, they’re less vocal about their emotions a lot and I like to talk about my emotions lol.
🦢Cancer moons🦢 : 8/10
Cancer moons are very in tune with their emotions and understanding other ppl’s emotions. They often give clarity or comfort to other ppl when theyre in emotional turmoil, they’re great with supporting and gauging situations - very emotionally perceptive and socially perceptive. Because they’re in tune with their thoughts and emotions in general, their actions are reasonable and considerate. Based on some of my impressions, they’re like the most levelheaded water moon sign and have good judgement, they know how to act and interpret their emotions, know how to read situations and wut to say in them. Cancer moons are able to relate to ppl, able to talk them and make them welcome - validated of their emotions and feelings. As they are a cardinal sign in the moon (cancer is a cardinal sign), they know how to push ppl to be the best version of themselves and motivate them positively. Cancer moons would probably give great hugs/love cuddles, and would probably like to bake/cook for other ppl or close friends. They are sensitive though, and if the placement is underdeveloped/not matured - then they can’t interpret nor handle their emotions well, and may lead to projecting or lashing it out to others at times.
⚜️Leo moons⚜️ : 8/10
Leo moons are very empathetic and sweet - helpful and funny with their dramatic responses. They tend to get insecure or sad at times but dont show it openly - they’ll mention it at times secretly or drop hints but wont elaborate (they also mask it thru humor or in a dramatic funny tone). Leo moons can come off as selfish or insensitive at times when they place their own priority and feelings on the line. Leo moons mean well but they tend to sound manipulative at times becuz of their intentions and way of doing things. However most of the time they’re great supportive and protective friends and will be there for you when you rant emotionally etc. I love being near leo moons becuz of their warm energy and vibe. Their humor and vibes are very life of the party, but they’re also friendly and personable that way.
🌱Virgo moons🌱 : 8/10
Quiet but their mind isnt quiet once you get to know them — they’re very responsive/receptive to others verbally and mentally. Expresses their many interests in books, comics, shows, and music. They have many hobbies as well but are more consistent in doing them. They like to feel productive or keep themselves busy doing something they like, or listening to music when they’re bored. Helpful,thoughtful, and generous, they like to help people and a reliable friend as well. Clingy individuals ngl, but quiet clingy individuals to their close ones. Rather not physically expressive, but very verbally expressive and are sensitive people. They may analyze or overthink their emotions and thoughts. Also secretly nervous/worry if they arent prepared or don’t know wut to do in a situation. Becuz this is the same moon sign as mine, I share a lot of similarities and is able to flow with them when interacting.
🕊Libra moons🕊 : 7.4/10
Libra moons are peaceful and logical. They recognize patterns, weighing pros and cons (both perspectives), and make great decisions for their friends. However when it comes to themselves, they can’t make a clear decision as they don’t know clearly wut they want and they can see a lot of benefits of each type of decision for themselves (which makes them indecisive and don’t know which to choose). Libra moons can be cunning/sly, because they know wut other ppl think/act - sometimes they’ll say/do things that please other ppl. Also they don’t like to stand out/be bold, which can make it surprising when you find out they’re capable of being very keen and planning all these things behind the scenes. I’d say its always very fun and interesting to hear wut a libra moon has to say becuz they’re very sassy/witty, but with class and being calm. These ppl generally are calm till theyre faced with an inner conflict or stressful conflict - it’ll take an physical and mental toll at time as they like things to be clearly solved and peaceful. Libra moons aren’t the most emotionally open, they tend to brush it off at times but then still feel anxious after when they’re in an emotional conflict. When I go to talk to my libra moon friends at times, they don’t provide a lot of emotional verbal comfort or insight, they’l probably tell you to rest, stop worrying, or reassure it’ll be fine.
☂️Scorpio moons☂️ : 5.4/10
Never met a scorpio moon in person, but these individuals seem very magnetic or intense. They are similar to virgo moons in my opinion but embody more of an intensified version. They are analytical or good at reading others and being receptive to their emotions. They also tend to analyze emotions and thoughts but are more emotional and may feel it more turbulently than virgo moons. Loyal and protective of their loved ones, they like to be near their friends and loved ones. Undeveloped scorpio moons may project off of others or be petty. Scorpio moons can be critical or know wut words to use to cut wounds, so don’t anger a scorpio moon lol. They’re also a bit more reserved in nature, quietly observing or having headphones on.
🏃♀️Sag moons🏃♀️ : 6.9/10
Sag moons are fierce, they wont let others put down their thoughts and expression, restrict their ideas, and will fight if others insult their friend group. However, they also tend to be hot n cold when it comes to their vulnerable sides. Sag moons can be flighty with confronting their feelings and problems at times this can manifest physically, sometimes ghosting ppl on text, or just spending their time doing other stuff unintentionally avoiding ppl in the process. Sag moons are complex, they can be insightful to everything but their own self and when theyre confused - they tend to run or make a decision that confuses their friends when they try to reach out to them (sag moons can be seen as insensitive/hot and cold at times like these) I will say tho that I love talking to sag moons and they will always compliment and show support/appreciation to their friends - sag moons will be optimistic/insightful to other ppl’s feelings and problems... but themselves 😅
🌿Capricorn moons🌿 : 6.2/10
These individuals are concise and like to be direct, though this can make them picky and get irritated easily at times. They don’t small talk sometimes and could be dry texters. They’re reliable and understanding, can take care or provide materialistically for people. People value their experiences and opinions, as well as capricorn moons do care about other ppl’s thoughts and opinions more than they let on. They’re responsible individuals. They can be non confrontational though, towards their emotions or when conflict occurs. Becuz they tend to be logical, they don’t tend to be understanding when communicating the problem out and may blame the person and move on. Also becuz of the practicality of the earth sign capricorn into moon, they tend to be more logical with their approaches to emotions and situations and sometimes it leads to them being inflexible and avoiding as their “logical solution”. Capricorn moons are great if you need to make a decision or ask for their advice, they’re direct and concise with their opinions. They are usually chill, loyal, and grounded friends. 🤣🦆🌱
🐬Aquarius moons🐬 : 6.5/10
They might be the least compatible air moon sign towards me, just cuz their attitude and vibes are very airy and detached. They tend to be aloof and in their head, its hard to read their thoughts at times. They’re chill and friendly or funny - has a relatable vibe which I see aquarius moons being popular with a lot of people/having friends. They seem very nonjudging, but can also have their own strong unchanging opinions. The undeveloped ones could have a god-complex. They are independent individuals, and often emotionally detach from things they don’t care about or has no purpose towards something. They’re not receptive to others all the time, like if they have no similarities with u or no interest - might not focus their attention on u a lot. They like to have chill fun, and theyre independent and mentally willful individuals, just a bit different vibe.
🐥Pisces moons🐥 : 7.5/10
Pisces moons are quite empathetic and clingy people. They get attached easily to their friends and loved ones. Very giving and generous, but also sensitive. From the ones I meet, they may be easily offended by something and sometimes don’t confront (they don’t like confrontation). Sometimes they resort to discreetly beefing with you and it leave you confused, may ghost or cut u off unexpectedly then come back to explain. They’re very clingy and like to express their emotions a lot - talk a lot to close friends etc. The undeveloped ones could have a tendency to be codependent. Pisces moon people are sweet and relatable people, willing to talk ab their emotions and any interests with u. More open and flexible with emotions and other people’s emotions and feelings, a great shoulder to cry on that may likely lead to pisces moon individual also crying becuz of seeing their friend sad. I’d say its easy to befriend a pisces moon, tho their sensitive times can be a rocky wave.
#astrology#moon sign#moon signs#zodiacs#12 signs#zodiac wheel#aries#taurus#gemini#cancer#leo#virgo#libra#scorpio#sagittarius#capricorn#aquarius#pisces#astro observations#astrology observations#astro notes#astrology notes#horoscope#moon#astroblr
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Hey. This might sound super mega stupid and you are welcome to call me an idiot/lazy/etc, but I was wondering if you could give a very small guide on how to research/look for reliable info online? (Specifically about Israel/Palestine but could be in general) I feel like everything is a sea of clickbait. Sincerely, a very inexperienced teenager :( .
Thank u for asking about this, but I have to preface my answer by saying - you don't have to do any of it. You don't have to have any kind of opinion on the matter, not for israel, not against Israel, not for palestine and not against palesitne. Saying "I don't know and it doesn't concern me" is a take leagues more intelligent than picking a side like a football team based on reading 1 article or watching 1 video. I know nothing about what's going on in the Congo and it doesn't concern me. I know nothing about what's happening in Kashmir and it doesn't concern me. I cannot know everything about every single war or conflict on the planet and the only ones I'm interested in are the ones that directly impact my life. It really is OK.
I can't give you a good answer because every single piece of media is by definition biased. The bias doesn't have to be malicious, it could just be business (I.e., news outlets make more money the more ppl click on their articles, and clickable articles are sexy articles, and sexy articles are usually bombastic, controversial and anger inducing). In order to gauge which piece of information is MORE LIKELY to be true, you need to have the cultural, social and historic knowledge and contexts in ur brain, and these are available almost exclusively to the ppl who live here (the rest are the ppl who spent years studying the conflict and the region in general). I'm sorry if this isn't rly helpful or not what u wanted to hear, but it is the truth.
There's one thing I can recommend to u that transcends the Arab Israeli conflict and should be applied to anything, and that is the following statement popularized by Carl Sagan - extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. And, my personal build up on it - extraordinary evidence won't always produce an extraordinary claim. If you read something outlandish claimed to be true, it can only be true if it's accompanied by a breadth of concrete evidence. And, on my addition - just because you have a plethora of information that, when organized and presented in a particular way, points towards Conclusion X, doesn't mean that it actually does support conclusion X. The solution is again, having contextual knowledge of the specific issue you're discussing, which, in the case of the Israeli Arab conflict, would be a good understanding of the broad history of the Middle East and particularly the Levant; a good understanding of Jewish history, and a good understanding of Arab imperialism and its persistence in modernity. This requires A LOT of reading and time, so personally I think your time would be better spent on things that actually matter and meaningful to you.
#israel#palestine#knowing things is good but only if u rly wanna know em and not just half-know em#if middle eastern geopolitics interest u then start reading some books
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I know tkk were together quite a lot during their solo time, but jikk have been together for majority of the past 10 years. And I am not talking about the official content. Whenever any member took group selfies or videos, they were always the ones always sitting and standing together and tae always far in the corner. There have been so many jikk selfies throughout the years posted by jk himself, they were spotted so many times either alone or with friends. Do you really want to believe that everything was just bh trying to "promote the official ship"?
Them being closer can be termed as friends but why was tae never with jk in these scenarios? People did believe that tkk weren't close bcs of everything they've seen in the past few years. Jk himself said that he didn't talk to anyone except for hobi and jm when they were on that break. Even on jk's graduation jm was the one who was stuck to his side throughout the day. Tae was only on the sidelines with the other members. Tae and jk might've gotten closer during the last year or so but I don't believe that they were as close as jk and jm. Every footage from the past so many years can't be a lie. Tae is rarely seen with jk when they hang out as a group. It's always jk and jm. I don't think that jk and jm are a couple, but I really don't believe that jk and tae are either.
I'm seriously questioning if you've ever paid attention to BTS content properly, anon. You are so innaccurate that I'm actually quite confused right now. You're acting like Jungkook and Tae were never close until last year, and yet and you couldn't be further from the truth.
You basically implied that j*kook have been joined at the hip for the last 10 years..wrong. Did you forget how taekook have been close from the very start?? How they were always together in bangtan bombs being mischievous together, spending lots of time together off camera, stuck together at award shows, often sitting squashed together with no room between them, being clingy in interviews, always wanting to be on the same team. You said there were so many times j*kook were spotted alone or with friends, but so were taekook 🤷♀️ and they've gone on holiday together, gone to restaurants (alone) together, stayed at a hotel together, visited a fortune teller together, went to the cinema together, late night beach walk together, bowling together, etc. The list goes on. Does that seem like the behaviour of two people who are not close to you?
I rewatched Jungkook's graduation bb to see if what you said was accurate, and surprise, surprise, it was not. If anything, it was Tae that was next to Jungkook the most. All three of them were in the same car, not just Jungkand and J*min, and it was Tae Jungkook sat next to at the restaurant. How did you get "Tae was only on the sidelines" from that video? There's even pictures of Tae feeding him from that day. Do you just ignore what you don't want to see?
I'm really not sure what j*kook taking a lot of selfies together is supposed to prove because they're close friends. Why wouldn't they take selfies together? And I've actually never said that j*kook spending time together "was just bh trying to promote the official ship."
You think that people believe taekook weren't close because of everything they've seen in the past few years, but that's not true. People believe they weren't close because of what they DIDN'T see. I don't use company content to gauge how close taekook are because it's not reliable. You would know that if you actually paid attention to the unofficial content and the way taekook are always with each other off camera. It simply doesn't match up to how BH portrays them. But I'm not expecting you to start questioning BH's editing because then you'd have to go down the rabbit hole of why they're even reducing taekook's on-screen interactions in the first place.
You said that taekook "might've gotten closeer during the last year or so," which is conveniently around the time that official content was reduced. I'm guessing you were pretty confused when taekook started spending so much time together, huh? It's funny how the dynamics changed once the company wasn't involved. Taekook together all the time, and yoonmin and jihope together a lot as well. I understand that taekook's "sudden" closeness has confused a lot of people and now you're scrambling to explain it in a way that fits your narrative, but the truth of the matter is that Jungkook and Tae have ALWAYS been close.
#ask#taekook#vkook#you say you're not a j*kooker...but you're trying very hard to convince me that j*kook are closer...
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This is such a fucking weird question but I really need your help with it 😭 What colours do you associate the most with Robby and Tory? I keep coming with different combinations and I can't decide! I really love your analysis, so I wanted to hear your opinion 🥹
Hi! Thanks for your question! I assumed that you're talking about color theory for personalities, which I'm not too familiar with, so I looked into it. If you meant something else... Well, this was still fun to do, and I hope this still answers your question. 🙂
I get what you mean about coming up with different combinations. There are different color theory charts out there lol, and I was also unsure at first.
This is the first one I found, and I immediately thought of Robby as blue and Tory as orange. Of course, neither is a 100% fit.
Robby as Blue
Compassionate and caring - The blue personalities are brilliant at identifying and gauging the feelings of those around them. They thrive when in relationships and they are pretty social and always show compassion towards others. Blue personalities are always trying to ensure that their group is successful and comfortable. If they find someone struggling in their group, they do not hesitate to offer a helping hand.
A blue person is faithful and loyal. You can count on them to stand by you through thick and thin. They have a big heart and are not afraid to show generosity because they want others to follow their lead as well. They are trustworthy and have an enthusiastic nature. Blue personality types tend to put others first and work hard to ensure that they take care of those around them. They avoid conflict at any cost. If any conflict arises, their basic instinct is to defuse the situation and find a peaceful solution to the problem. They have a sensitive soul and can easily get upset over small things.
People-oriented - Blue personalities love getting praise and appreciation from others. The validation of other people gives them confidence and happiness as it lets them know that they are being heard. They look for opportunities to interact with others as it helps recharge their energy and provides the inspiration they need. Careers that require a high level of collaboration and coordination are best suited for them.
Traditional and rule followers - Blues are not a big fan of change and prefer to do things their way. They are traditionalists and like to stick to their old and tried ways even though they are not the best and most efficient way of doing things. Their inflexibility can often lead to conflict with others. They are unlikely to suggest a new way of doing things or volunteer a fresh idea. They respect things that have endured the test of time and find them reliable.
(This part makes me think of Miyagi-Do and how Robby seems to uphold the Miyagi-Do teachings the most. Although Robby also said to fight whichever way works, that's still a Miyagi-Do teaching that Robby adopted.)
Tory as Orange
Orange personalities are known for their adventurous nature.
Action takers - Orange personalities have too much energy and they are always looking for action so they get to use their boundless energy. They don’t bother over-analyzing situations and worry too much about optimal direction.
Instead of relying on evidence or facts, they prefer to base their decisions on gut feeling. They are most inclined to go for a riskier path because they find safe options boring. They are ready to take risks because they believe that they can reap bigger and better rewards.
Orange people like to be in control of situations and don’t appreciate being bound by rules and commitments.
Spontaneous - Orange people don’t like structure as they find it confining. They get a lot of excitement and energy by living in the moment. Their true joy lies in the present and they don’t spend much time contemplating the past.
Oranges believe that planning dampens the thrill of things as it takes out the spontaneity they crave. Their desire for a thrill can often lead to risky behavior as well.
Orange personalities want freedom in life. They can easily get bored and often seek thrill by competing in dangerous activities. These individuals find it hard to work in one place for a long time and change jobs a lot. Whenever their current job starts being less challenging, they switch in hopes of finding a more challenging workplace.
Social butterflies - Orange personalities love meeting people and being part of a group. They are extroverts and find it easy to mingle with others, especially those who have the same view of the world as them. They have charming personalities that attract others. Their charismatic optimism is contagious and gets them attention without even trying. Their carefree nature makes them popular among people. Orange personalities do have trouble establishing deep relationships. They don’t have the stamina to commit to a relationship and give it time.
(A lot this fits for Tory, outside her rivalry with Sam and Cobra Kai brainwashing.)
Then, I came across this chart below. I also read that people are a combination of all colors but 1 or 2 are dominant in each person, all of which makes sense. I immediately drew a line down the chart for Robby and Tory: Robby is blue and green, while Tory is red and yellow (apparently there's no yellow font option). This one confused me though. It was as common as the chart above, but the blue and green descriptions are switched compared to the chart above.
I kept searching to make sense of it. I came across color theory based on primary colors (Red, Yellow, and Blue) and secondary colors (Orange, Green, and Purple). And looking more, I found some things about warm colors and cool colors. So, like, in the pic below, I think the cool colors blue, green, and purple at the bottom define Robby well, and I think the warm colors red, yellow, and orange at the top define Tory generally well ("sensible" definitely doesn't apply when she's brainwashed though).
Robby
Blue represents calmness, intelligence, and trustworthiness. Individuals who exhibit this color tend to be analytical, logical, and detail-oriented.
Green represents stability, balance, and harmony. Individuals who exhibit this color tend to be empathetic, compassionate, and nurturing.
Purple is often associated with creativity, spirituality, and imagination.
(The blue and green descriptions are switched in the pic and in the descriptions below the pic. I found more than one article that had it this way. Still... confused lol)
Tory
Red represents passion, excitement, and high energy. Individuals who exhibit this color tend to be confident, outgoing, and competitive.
Yellow represents optimism, creativity, and enthusiasm. Individuals who exhibit this color tend to be imaginative, expressive, and spontaneous.
Orange represents fun, excitement, and adventure. Individuals who exhibit this color tend to be adventurous, spontaneous, and daring.
And all this made me think about the costume designer's interviews were he mentioned warm colors and color palettes and what he's thinking about when he's picking the wardrobe for the characters. He didn't talk about Tory or Robby much, but he does seem to choose more warm colors for Tory and more cool colors for Robby.
For neutral colors, Tory wears a lot of black.
Black is a classic color that is often associated with elegance, sophistication, and power. People who wear black are often seen as confident and stylish.
She also wears beige sometimes. Maybe it's more a light brown. Both colors seem to have similar descriptions:
Brown is a warm and earthy color that is often associated with stability, reliability, and comfort. People who are drawn to brown are often seen as dependable and trustworthy. They are also seen as practical and down-to-earth.
Beige is a warm, earthy color that is often associated with stability, reliability, and practicality. People who wear beige are often seen as down-to-earth and dependable.
Tory wears gray occasionally, but it's always paired with red.
Robby wears a lot of gray, mostly paired with blues or greens and occasionally paired with reds. He especially wears grays in scenes were things aren't going good for him, like when Daniel kicked him out both times, when he was arrested, and the whole day of the apartment fight, his shirt inside was gray.
Some interesting notes about gray:
Gray positive traits are intelligence, emotional control, wisdom, balance, elegance, objectivity, modesty. Gray negative traits are indecisiveness, isolation and detachment, indifference, and sadness.
Neutrality - Gray is impartial and dispassionate, it doesn’t take sides, representing neutrality. The color gray is subdued, quiet and reserved. Gray is usually an unresponsive color. It truly is unattached, neutral, impartial and also indecisive. Coming from a color mindsets perspective, gray is the color regarding settlement – being neither dark nor white-colored, it does not take changeover between those two colors. It can also be considered as representing balance (being the balance between white and black).
Conformity - Gray conforms – it is conventional, dependable and practical. It is a color of maturity and responsibility, associated with the gray hair of old age. It will never be the center of attention or the dynamic leader – it is too safe and toned down. Gray is the color of conformism-not having any personality of its own. Humans too show this quality as they adapt to the situation they are in.
Compromise - Gray is the transition between two non-colors, neither black nor white. It takes the middle ground, neither one way nor the other.
Control - It has a steadying effect on other colors around it. Gray is controlled. Being both motionless and emotionless, gray is solid and stable, creating a sense of calm and composure, relief from a chaotic world. Being both still and emotionless, gray is strong and steady, making a feeling of cool and self-restraint, and alleviates you from a riotous world. It doesn’t invigorate, empower, revive or energize. Gray looks moderate, exhausting, dull and discouraging, but at the same time it looks exquisite and formal, yet never captivating. As gray reaches dark, it becomes extraordinary and also mysterious.
Ones who love gray are the ones who try to protect themselves from the world around them. Those peoples prefer a safe and balanced existence, don’t want to hurt their emotions, and control their emotions to avoid an emotional pain.
The first and last pics of Robby above are interesting. When he meets Amanda for the first time (first pic) she is wearing purple and he's wearing a gray button down outside and a red shirt inside. When he meets Carmen for the first time (second pic), she is wearing purple and he's wearing red/black button down outside and a gray shirt inside. It's quite a switch. In both scenes, he's putting on a front. In the first scene, he's confident and in control of the situation (that is the dominant one) as he's choosing this front and the red is inside not outside. In the second scene, he's not the one in control though he's trying to gain some semblance of control over the situation he is in. (At least that's my take on it. Can't be a coincidence that Amanda and Carmen both are wearing purple (also a color symbolizing royalty and these are women he needs to impress) when they meet him for the first time, while he's wearing gray and red but switched.)
In s1, Robby was wearing dark green in his first scene. In his 3rd scene, he's wearing red and black. It's the only time he's wearing red before s4. Then he's goes into more warm colors (maroon, yellow-ish) and neutral colors (black, white, and gray) and eventually starts wearing blues after he starts training with Daniel.
In s4, unlike the other Cobras, he barely wears reds and blacks on their own, other than the Cobra Kai uniforms, during the head shaving incident, and his red suit for prom. Sometimes he doesn't have any reds but just darker shades of blue and green with black, or his reds are always paired with blue or green and sometimes has some browns. The first and only time Robby is wearing a full pink shirt is when he goes to Kenny's house and agrees to mentor him. Robby barely has pinks in his wardrobe. In his s4 finale scene with Johnny, Robby's button down has brown in it and his shirt inside is a maroon.
Pink is a soft and feminine color that is often associated with love, compassion, and nurturing. People who are drawn to pink are often seen as caring and nurturing. They are also seen as sensitive and compassionate.
Maroon is often associated with ambition, confidence, and strength. Maroon can also represent wisdom and maturity.
Although pink is softer than maroon, the color combos in these scenes are somewhat similar: shades of blue and brown on the outside, pink or maroon on the inside.
The pink in the Kenny scenes and the maroon in the Johnny scene fit the nature of those scenes and the relationships. Robby's weakness is his compassion, especially towards Kenny. Robby will always be more wise and mature than Johnny.
In s5, Robby wears reds at Miyagi-Do and blues at Cobra Kai, which is opposite to the colors that represent those dojos. Definitely some color symbolism going on with these two distinct choices. In s2, for example he always wore blues and grays at Miyagi-Do.
Overall, I think I'll go with the costume designer's choices because they also match how I view Robby's and Tory's personalities: cool colors (blue, green, and purple) with a neutral gray for Robby and warm colors (red, orange, yellow, and brown) with a neutral beige and black for Tory.
What about you? What colors were you thinking of for them?
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In celebration of me just picking up a Toyota Altezza Gita/Lexus IS300 Sportcross what are some of your favourite wagons or shooting brakes
yOOOOOO!!!!
Okay now I have to ask, is it actually an imported Toyota or did you add that just for potential clarification?
I should give context for folx out there (apparently folx is a 'more friendly' spelling to some? oh the wild wonders of language):
y'all know how Lexus is a brand Toyota founded to move upmarket? Yeah, they didn't need to do that at home because Japan is much better protected from too-good-for-Toyotas-itis: I mean, if the emperor can drive (well, be driven in) Toyotas I am pretty sure you can afford to be seen in one. As a result, until 2005 Japan got Lexus models but not the Lexus brand, receiving them with Toyota branding instead (and different model names too, since the two letter acronyms were a Lexus thing).
To get to your question, though:
SEDANS I LIKE THE WAGON VERSION OF TOO
Toyota Altezza Gita/Lexus IS300 Sportcross (:D)
Indeed, I love your car! The JZ (for the folx: a six cylinder inline engine series widely regarded to be Toyota's best, capable of truly monstrous power with the right hands fiddling under the hood), the sporty, timeless styling, Toyota reliability and Lexus build quality, how no matter the market they refused to use a normal word for wagon, the chrome taillights so iconic they spawned an entire trend in 2000s car styling (especially aftermarket - hell, they still call them Altezza taillights!)... and that gauge cluster oh my GAWD
Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VIII Wagon
I don't think the street equivalent of one of the most legendary rally cars (and certainly, with the Subaru Impreza WRX STI, part of the most legendary rally war) needs any introduction. I just wanted to make sure you knew that between '05 and '07 the closest thing to a rally car a dealer would sell you also came in wagon form.
In Japan only, of course. Because if Japan can't keep a cool thing to themselves, they'll make a cooler version to keep to themselves. Always.
Morris Mini Traveller/Austin Mini Countryman/Mini Clubman Estate
How do Mini fans do it, man
Who doesn't love the Mini? Who doesn't love the wagon's funky rear doors?
And who doesn't hate the time they tried to modernize its front end for the 70s? Me.
Like come on guys. You need to find within yourselves the intellectual honesty to admit that this fucks.
I rest my case. Let's move on.
Citroën DS Break/Familiale/Safari/Estate/Station Wagon
How do Citroën fans do it, man
Yes, the steering wheel had a single spoke - and by the way, that's it straight. It was angled like that so that, in a crash, it would guide your your body to the right - because there weren't seatbelts yet in 1955.
Yeah. This is a 1955 design.
The French are always been and likely always will be hellbent on being weird - and the Citroën DS is a distillation of the good that can come from that. It had pillarless windows! variable height suspension so effective you could only tell you had a flat by sound - and could change that flat by just having the suspension lift it for you! It had rear fenders held on by one bolt! Hell, in 1967, it got directional lights that turned with the wheels!!!!
IN 1967!!!!
Few cars have them right now today!!!
Oh, and also, most interesting to us right now, it has the greatest vibe gap between sedan and wagon I have ever seen. Allow me to illustrate (and slightly exacerbate by cherry picking examples).
You get out of this with suit and tie and a watch you change the time of with felt tweezers.
You get out of this with a lab coat, plane goggles, a propeller tophat and a concoction that violates a semester's worth of laws of physics.
And, potentially, seven of the biggest freaks the planet could muster, because yes, this could seat up to eight, thanks to a front bench, a middle bench, and trunk seats.
"You mean a third row?"
HAHA. NO.
Honorable mentions:
Mazda 6, Subaru Impreza, Toyota Corolla KE70,
Audi RS4, BMW E30, Fiat 500 Giardinetta,
most '60s yankee landyachts that got a wagon,
and all the ones that escape me at this moment
WAGONS I LIKE MORE THAN THE SEDAN VERSION
Audi RS6 (second generation)
Here's what happened (presumably):
Audi had bought Lamborghini. Great! Now Lamborghinis could use Audi interior bits, a very welcome change because Lamborghini were not exactly the interior controls GOATs.
(To stick to a representative example and not be here all day, when set to Fahrenheit the Diablo's digital climate controls changed the temperature by two degree increments except between 63F and 64F and 72F and 73F. And at the extremes it said LOF and HIF because the F did not go away. So yeah.)
But this also gave Audi access to Lamborghini parts - and, a couple years in, one of the engineers told the others "Jo [German for "Yo"], there's gotta be something cool we can do with Lamborghini parts!"
And the other was like "Maybe we can make the new RS6 [Audian for Real Sporty version of the A6 executive sedan] with a Lambo V10! That'd be a fast fucking sedan."
And the first one replied "And a fast fucking wagon too!"
And their eyes locked, lighting up with villainous thrill.
I mean, I could wax lyrical about the all wheel drive and super expensy carbon ceramic brakes and the flared fenders et al but if this garbage 5 second clip does not convince you that this busts ass how could I.
youtube
Toyota Corolla E110
Well that's quite the jump.
How could I possibly be interested in a car like this? If cars were meals this would be a plate of warm water.
There is only one way to possibly get excited about a car this boring: personal significance.
And sure enough, my Yaris-pursuing father was instead upsold a Corolla exactly like this, discounted to empty the lot in preparation for its facelift - and one day he used it to drive my momma to a hospital, they got out of it in two, and some tribulations later they got back in it in three - third being a hot-off-the-press me.
This, then, was the car that was in the driveway through my stumbling infancy - and never hinted at letting us down. We then traded it for an Opel that gave us loads of trouble, the recipient traded it for an Audi that gave him loads of trouble, and on the Corolla kept getting passed on right to wherever it rests today, never letting anyone down - loyalty likely rewarded by a crusher turning it to mush. And I want another shot at doing this car right.
Okay, actually, there's another way to get excited about such a car: find out about the inevitable sick-ass Japan-only version. In this case Toyota figured they'd fit the Sprinter Carib (because Corolla wasn't near a silly enough name for the Japanese market) with a 20V 4A-GE Blacktop and a 6 speed manual, or in less technical terms "one of the greatest non-turbo powertrains of its size to ever graze a production car". Presumably just for the sake of keeping it Japan-only for the sake of annoying me personally.
Well, joke's on them, because my idea goes even harder: replicating the powertrain the hatchback version competed in World Rally Championship with - 4WD and all.
This but wagon, essentially.
And then bin it in a tree in 15 seconds like I always do on the rally sim.
Honorable mentions:
1970 Dodge Coronet SW, Nissan Stagea, Volvo 940/960 wagon (which I talked about in another post!),
and again all the others that I forgot.
The shooting brakes are gonna need their separate post because otherwise it hits the image limit :/
Links in blue are posts of mine explaining the words in question - if you liked this post, you might like those!
#submission#station wagons#lexus is sportcross#toyota altezza gita#mitsubishi lancer evolution viii#mitsubishi evo wagon#morris mini traveller#austin mini countryman#mini clubman estate#citroën ds break#ds familiale#ds safari#ds estate#ds station wagon#mazda 6 wagon#subaru impreza wagon#toyota corolla ke70 wagon#audi rs4 wagon#bmw e30 wagon#fiat 500 giardinetta#audi rs6 c6#lamborghini diablo#toyota corolla e110 wagon#toyota sprinter carib#toyota corolla wrc#dodge coronet#nissan stagea#volvo 940#volvo 960#YouTube
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Preparing for a Crisis Situation
[Disclaimer: I am not a therapist. I am just some rando on the internet with way too much time on her hands (😭). Contrary to what I've written, the advice in this post is not a substitute for real crisis support. If you are feeling actively suicidal and unsafe, please contact your local crisis unit and take your health & safety seriously.]
This is going to be a long post. Heads up for that.
So you're having a real bad panic attack & contemplating suicide. Your body is activated, your head is spinning, you're gonna reach for the knife. What can you do to make it better? Let's talk options outside of crisis support.
But first, let's talk about why there is a need to address options outside of crisis support in the first place, and why I feel the need to write something like this to begin with. Because yeah, ultimately, this is such a tricky topic to talk about and it's not something to be fooled around with. But for some of us who are actively fighting these types of thoughts on a daily basis, I hope this post can give you a sense of how to imitate a safety zone for when it goes from bad to worse and you feel like there's no one to call.
Suicide awareness is the issue of how to cope with stress. How to cope with the panic and anxiety and hopelessness of when it gets too big to handle by yourself.
The issue with crisis support, is that there is such a huge problem around institutionalization that forces people into a situation with unsafe mental health professionals and abusive staff. And it's incredibly dehumanizing to be forced into the equivalent of an adult time out in a facility that may or may not treat you like you're an actual human being in a safe, clean, and humane facility.
Lets not pretend that people arent still being forced into hospitalization as a form of control and punishment and abuse and subjected to abuse and unsanitary conditions. It still happens. Yes. Even in 2024, this is still an every day occurrence.
So when the panic hits, let's talk about what you can do to plan & prepare for a real crisis situation.
Preparing for Crisis: Safety Plan
Ah yes, the grippy sock vacation ole' reliable. The safety plan.
It may feel dumb & stupid to fill this out, but the purpose is to become aware of what triggers your panic and anxiety, and also what helps vs what makes it worse. That way you can counteract it with your favorite soothing methods. This helps so you can also gauge it on a scale of "yeah I can coast this out by myself" vs "nah fam I need help".
Here is an example of mine:
I feel unsafe when: My alters are too loud, I'm being talked over, not being listened to, the neighbor is outside yelling, I'm having flashbacks, anxiety, triggered, being looked at by others, breathing too hard, breathing too fast, body feels heavy, body feels frozen, can't move, can't breathe, crying a lot, body convulsing, racing thoughts, paranoid thoughts, fearful, heart beating too fast, etc
My triggers are: talking too loud, talking too soft, talking at all (I am nonverbal sometimes), flashbacks, anxiety, yelling, emotional abuse, personal space, privacy, being told what to do, loud noises, can't control my environment, being looked at
What would help: space to be alone, throwing a tantrum, coloring, ripping up a cardboard box, puzzles, activities, video games, teddy bears, comfort items, talking w my therapist, looking out a window, daydreaming, singing, humming, music, warm blanket, juice box, snacks
What would not help: looking at me, direct eye contact, yelling, screaming, accusatory language, demeaning me, being mean to me, hurting me, physical touch, comfort
Who can I call: my therapist, my cat, my teddy bear, my case manager, my neighbors, warm line, etc. Talk to your favorite fictional characters. They are there for you.
Where can I go: outside, the park, local burger joint, my kitchen, the bathroom, the spare bedroom, etc.
Preparing for Crisis: Remove The Weapons
Quarantine any and all unsafe items. Knives, guns, medicines, needles, extension cords, etc. Throw them out, lock them up, or give them to someone safe to hold onto. Remove them from the house entirely.
We can go deeper with this. Kitchen knives got you feeling stabby? Replace them with plastic kitchenware. Razor blades & meds? Disposable razors & medisets.
Spend some time considering what changes you can make around the house. Make your home feel safe.
Warning Signs: Change Your Environment
The quickest way to ground and self soothe is to make an immediate change in your environment. If the room is dark, turn on the lights. Open the windows. Open the doors. Step outside. Step into a different room. If there's no sound, turn on the TV. Put on a podcast. YouTube white noise and soundscapes.
This can work in other ways too. Grab the headphones. Grab a peppermint or a lemon drop or something spicy/sour. Grab something to drink. Grab a stim. Slime, play doh, something with texture, something you can fidget.
Take some time to think about what you'd like to use. You can put together a lil box full of trinkets and odds and ends for quick access. Control your environment to simulate what you'd imagine your ideal safe space to look like.
Warning Signs: Reconnect with Reality
Stand outside. Seriously, just do it. It helps. Open a window. Get some fresh air. Just do it. 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes.
Take deep breaths and ground yourself. Focus on something around you. Anything. What is it? What color is it? How big or small is it? Can you touch it? Is it cold? Is it warm? Can you squeeze it?
Warning Signs: Disconnect From The Stress
Put the phone down and get into an activity. Play a video game. Make some art. Draw your feelings. Color. Crochet. Anything hands on. Step away from the situation and do something relaxing or fun or otherwise stimulating for ur hands and brain to focus on.
This sucks. Yeah. But you're gonna make it worse by continually interacting and engaging with whatever it is that's stressing you out so big and hard that you're spiraling.
Even just 5 minutes will help. But it's a good idea to try for longer. Do you ever really consider how much stress you take in from other people's bullshit on the internet? Think about it.
Crisis Mode: Shut Down & Nest
One way to coast through a massive panic attack is to bunker down somewhere safe and sweat it out. So make a nesting space for you to crawl to while your body cries it out.
This can look like crawling in bed with the lights ON so you can still see and ground yourself through it, or laying on the couch with the lights ON and other comforts around.
Nesting is also good for recovery as a whole. Nesting can give us that sense of safety, that sense of comfort we're missing out on. It's a good idea to consider what areas of your home feel safest for you, and how you can make a lil nesting hole for you to run to. Make it safe, make it private, make it all your own.
Crisis Mode: Human Interaction
It's important to know when you can't coast it out on your own. Seek a human interaction. Any human will do. Neighbors, friends, family, warm lines, support groups, etc. Call someone. Inbox someone. Talk it out. Take a walk. Look at humans. Be human and be around humans.
If none of those apply, here's a really niche thing to try: Podcasts, let's plays, and YouTube videos are seriously goated for the friendly and warm atmosphere of having a conversation with someone.
But please remember if that is not enough then you should really consider reaching out to someone who knows you exist.
Crisis Mode: Where To Find Support
National suicide hotline: call or text 988
Reddit: r/adultsurvivors, r/C-PTSD, r/traumatoolbox
Discord: Trauma Survivors
NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
Aftermath: Self Care
Look, nobody likes this okay and that's fine. Shower, or take a sink wash up. Baby wipes. No clean clothes? Go naked. There are no rules. You deserve to feel human again.
Do one good soul cleansing thing for yourself. This can be anything. Even just saying it out loud, "damn that was rough. I'm glad I made it." Self care is a mindset. It doesn't have to be big. Take some care for your self, however you need it.
Aftermath: Emotional Regulation
Take a deep breath. Soothe your nervous system. Roll your shoulders, wiggle your body, and breathe. Yes, there is actual science behind this shit. I have a longer & more in depth post about it here.
Final thoughts
Please remember that none of this is actually acredited or liscenced or anything at all. These are just things I've personally gone through that have helped me coast out massive panic attacks that had me spiraling into unsafe territory.
Hope this helps 🌸
#recovery#ptsd#trauma#mental health#boundaries#healing#healing thoughts#mental health discourse#advice#life advice#depression#bpd#self harm#self care#crisis#crisis support#therapy#therapy tools#panic attacks#anxiety#flashbacks#cptsd#anti psych
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➣ break up & don’t make up
pairing: ayato, diluc, kaeya, kazuha x gn!reader
summary: breakups with them but there’s no leaving on good terms
warning: angst w/ no comfort, non-graphic mentions of injury in diluc’s part
notes from lee: stg if this disappears from the tags again,,, anyways enjoy some angst i whipped up bc i was inspired 🫶
ayato:
“i’m sorry kamisato, but you know better than anyone that i’m not fit to be at your side. i don’t come from a prominent family, i’m not part of the military, i’m nobody.” you had rehearsed these lines to yourself in the mirror, hoping that you wouldn’t tear up. how wrong you were once you were faced with his own tears.
“you’re not nobody to me, (y/n).” he holds you hand tight, desperate to get you to look at him. desperate to get you to stay, to stop packing your things, to find a way to make you see that you’re not alone.
your lips curl inward, pushing down the sob that threatens to come up and make you stop. “maybe but that doesn’t stop everyone else from saying it! don’t you hear the whispers whenever we are out together and your clan elders aren’t happy with me either. as the eldest and the commissioner of the entire yashiro commission, the most reliable of the tri commissions, it is your duty to marry someone good, someone that can keep up with your political affairs and has a good social standing.”
“who told you that? you know i don’t give a shit about any of that, all i want is you by my side and i will fight anyone who believes differently.” he’s forcefully turned you to look at him now, hoping your resolve will crumble by seeing the tears that roll down his face. hoping that his words can change your mind.
“it hurts to leave you, i loved you ayato. i did but i’m not cut out for this life and i never will be, fight who you want but it changes nobody’s view that i am not good enough for you. and i’m sure you know better than anyone that it’s true. you only liked me because you like to rebel against tradition, but you knew it was never going to work out long-term.”
your words of self pity aren’t, wrong but he won’t stand to let you be consumed by it, “but i can make it go away, you know that i-”
“no, i’m sorry ayato there’s nothing you can do now. haven’t you heard that you have to let go of those you love. it’s time for you to let go of me, i’m holding you back. but because i have this absolutely overwhelming love for you, i'm willing to let go so that you can be the best yashiro commissioner yet.”
he sinks to his knees wordlessly, your hand still in his grasp. you stay silent waiting for a response, and when you don’t get one you bow to him, “thank you for your time, commissioner. i’ll stay out of your way now.” you pull away your hand and walk out of the room, all your belongings in tow.
ayato stays sunken into the floor as he sobs silently, not brave enough to watch you walk away.
diluc:
“why do you always forget about yourself, luc?” you half scolded him while you dabbed at the wound on his shoulder with an alcohol pad. “it’s okay to think about yourself once in a while, ya know.”
he hisses at the sting and grumbles out a response, “i can’t be selfish when mondstadt still needs to be protected.”
“well i want to be selfish, i want to keep you by my side, i want to go to sleep with you in our bed for one night and wake up to you there in the morning! is that wrong?” you exclaim, trying to make eye contact with him and gauge his feelings, but he turns away.
“but mondstadt,” he starts, but you’re quick to cut him off by pressing down on his wounded shoulder once more.
you huff angrily and start wrapping his arm up.“if i’m not important to you then what is the point of this relationship? i feel like i’m just another attendant at your manor, not the person you should come home to at night or confide in. we’re practically strangers right now luc.”
when you’re done you throw the supplies down angrily because of his refusal to even give you an answer. you try to look at him again but he remains with his gaze fixed to the side.
“ok, i’ll have my things out by tomorrow then.” you retreat to your shared bedroom, if you can call it that anymore, not expecting him to follow you.
and he doesn’t. diluc doesn’t walk through the big oak doors and tell you he wants you to stay and that you do mean something to him. if anything you suspect that he’s gone out again as darknight, protecting his precious mondstadt.
you walk out the front of the winery and adelinde stops you, “don’t tell anyone what you know about the young master. you know that we are very well connected, so we will know if you decide to have loose lips.”
your nose crinkles as you pretend to smile and nod at the poorly disguised threat. with a heavy heart and sigh you leave the winery, knowing there’s no one left to stop you from going.
diluc watches out the window from your once shared bedroom as you leave. he understands it’s better this way, even if it leaves yet another hole in his heart.
kaeya:
you storm out of the tavern and you hear his unmistakable footsteps behind you. you continue to walk but you need to get your thought out. you whirl around to find him reluctantly following you. “you used me, i trusted you! and to find out that you’ve just been stringing me along for fun.”
“i did always say no strings attached, darling. so if anything it’s your fault for feeling ’strung along’ as you said.” he replies coldly, obviously not wanting to even discuss this.
“unbelievable! how could you tell me that you love me? that there was something between us?” you’re still fuming, hands clenched by your side as you demand answers out of the calvary captain.
“maybe they were the truth at one point, but once you served your share of entertainment…” he trails off, leaving you to fill in the blank.
“i hate you and your stupid charming words. i hate myself for ever having fallen for you.” you try to sound mad but the break in your voice tells kaeya that you’re not far from tears.
he watches you receding figure disappear down the cobbled road as you make your way home. he really believed that there should be no strings attached. kaeya couldn’t afford that even if he had to sever the ones tied to his own heart.
kaeya hates that everything he just said was a lie in an attempt to get you to leave him, and it worked. of course it worked, he knows you inside and out and you’re on the forefront of his mind at all times.
but it's because of this that he knows you will be better off without him. it’s easiest for you if you hate him instead, makes it easier for you to forget you ever loved him.
but he’ll never forget the warmth of your love.
kazuha:
“i can’t go kazu. my whole life is here, it’s not for me to uproot it all for you.”
“but it’s not reasonable for me to stay here with you either,” he tells you softly.
“why not? why is it so bad to settle down and stay here with me? am i not worth your time and you’d really rather be out wandering?” you question him.
he quickly elevates your own worries when he doesn’t answer. “it seems we have reached an impasse, darling.”
“no. tell me. am i not good enough for you to settle down with?”
“that’s not it and you know it.” he seems to grow frustrated at your persistent questioning.
“well, if you can’t find an answer then maybe it is best if we stop seeing each other. you wouldn’t be able to see me while you’re out and about adventuring either way. don’t bother coming back to see me.”
you storm out and he lets you. he doesn't have an answer for you but he hopes after you cool down that you’ll be back.
kazuha waits right up until beidou is calling him onto the crux, telling him that he’ll be left behind if he doesn’t board. he hangs his head with resignation, giving up on his wish for you to show.
it appeared that the wind was not leading him to a happy ending with you and after your harsh words there’s no hope for him to return to your arms.
seems fate liked to be cruel to him, destined for a life of solitude on the sea.
#kamisato ayato x reader#diluc ragnivindr x reader#kaeya alberich x reader#kaedehara kazuha x reader#ayato x reader#diluc x reader#kaeya x reader#kazuha x reader#genshin impact x reader#[ lee's writing ]#! kaeya alberich#! diluc ragnvindr#! ayato kamisato#! kazuha kaedehara
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Hello, Em! I was hoping you could help me out with mailing down my type. For background, I’m in my mid-twenties and am waffling between Fi-dom and Fe-aux. I’m cautiously calling myself and enneagram 9w1, but I’m sure of being an introvert, I’ve always been quiet and need time to regroup after spending too much time out and about. I tend to be fairly practical, taking a job I strongly dislike because bills need to be paid and I’d like to finish grad school with as little debt as possible. (1)
It doesn’t stop me from looking for a job more closely related to my field, and I’ll be honest it wears on me more than I’d like to admit, but it keeps the lights on for now. I’ve always been a very sensitive person, and it doesn’t take much to make me cry, when I’m invested in something, or I must deal with conflict. My dad would list my biggest weakness as being a bit of a pushover and taking on responsibilities that were never mine to begin with.(2)
I’ve always been spotted by bosses as reliable and because of this have been the one to pick up the slack in some positions. Despite this, I struggle to blend well with my environment. I can be polite, I can be quiet, but I can’t lie. Whenever people ask, it’s hard not to come out and say what I really think. If it’s someone who knows me well, I can generally just say what’s on my mind, but at work and with friends who aren’t as close, I have to bite my tongue. (3)
I’d say I’m a creature of habit, for the most part. I moved cross country a couple years ago, so it’s still a bit hard to gauge, but changes in routine (such as suddenly switching workstations or being asked to go get drinks RIGHT NOW) throws me off. For all that, I tend to get a little low when I’m not learning something new. I’ve taken up several new hobbies and interests because of this and have learned the basics of them all quickly. (4)
Most of them have been sensory hobbies, such as baking, knitting, and crochet. They also serve another purpose, as it’s a tangible way I can show my appreciation for those around me. It irritates me a little to have people ask me to make them things, because it’s not so much the tactile sensation that I love, it’s being able to keep those I care about warm and fed. If there’s anything else you need, I can fill this out more, and thank you so much! (5)
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Hi anon! This definitely sounds ISFJ to me. 9w1 also sounds reasonable:
Difficulty with conflict is definitely a 9 thing and so ISFPs who are 9s experience it, but it's very common with ISFJs. The taking on of responsibilities is both very Fe and Si, and aux-Fe users do have a bit of a reputation for being something of a pushover. The part about struggling to change routine is also extremely true to Si, as is the practicality.
Sensitivity is imo not super tied to any one function - I think feelers tend to be more outwardly emotional in general than thinkers but I've known very emotional FJs and FPs. I also think that difficulty lying is more a personal thing than tied specifically to MBTI.
As for learning new things - hobbies tend to be a place where people can explore their lower functions safely! I suspect taking on sensory hobbies (within your comfort zone) but in doing so, learning something new and developing a new internal and systemic understanding (Ne and Ti) is what appeals to you.
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