#and i am being entirely too empathetic
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why yes i am watching “snoopy, come home” and almost tearing up over a cartoon dog
#snoopy#snoopy come home#i am emotional over snoopy#hes just so small#and cute#and hes crying#and i am being entirely too empathetic
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older
think i need someone older, just a little bit colder, take the weight off your shoulders
synopsis: all your friends say you're delusional for thinking you have a chance with jungkook, the handsome older man you've known since forever, but you just can't seem to let him go.
word count: 18k
pairing: older!jungkook x afab reader
genre: age gap au (seven years), social media au!!!, childhood acquaintance au, fluff, comedy, angsty, outta pocket, alludes to sexual innuendoes
warnings: character death (not jk or y/n), cursing, nudity,
author's note: i am so overwhelmed with the support i've gotten for this fic!! obviously this isn't going to be the best written fanfic, but i genuinely enjoyed writing it!! and yes, there will be a part 2!
PART 1 | PART 2
“Girl.. be for real. He doesn’t want you.” Beomgyu’s opinion bounces off your bedroom wall but shoots into your heart like an arrow; you subtly glare at him through your vanity mirror. Though, the Snorlax plush headband and unblended concealer in triangles under your eyes is far less than intimidating.
“Okay, fuck you-”
Beomgyu shrugs. “You can wear all the makeup in the world and you would never get his attention,” he nonchalantly utters, not caring enough to even look at you while he addresses you. You pout, sulking as Beomgyu’s very real assertion settles into your system.
Jeon Jungkook would never see you that way.
He adores you because you’ve been acquainted since childhood- your parents being close friends. He’s seven years older than you and has witnessed you blossom from a childish boy-crazy kid to an equally boy-crazy adult, the same way you’ve seen him go from a prepubescent pre teen to a hot, older, rich, man.
“Look, and that’s not to say that you’re not pretty or whatever because you are pretty and a lot of guys want you, but Jungkook… he’s just too old for you,” he offers you an empathetic smile before attempting to assuage the petulance in the air. “Honestly, I would be even more concerned if he responded to your advances because that would be.. hella weird.”
Beomgyu’s claims often transform your brain into a philosophical battlefield. Would it really be all that inappropriate for Jungkook to see you as a woman? An age gap of seven years holds no real significance if you were both in your 20’s, right? But does Jungkook knowing you since childhood completely nullify any chance you have with him?
“Oh fuck off with that. I’m not a little kid anymore. I’m already 19 years old, almost 20-”
“The delusion is never escaping this one…” Beomgyu mumbles. He finally looks up from his phone when you spring up from your chair and stomp over to him. You hold your manicured claw up to scratch his face, but Beomgyu grabs your wrist before you can do any damage.
“You’re such a horse girl, don’t try to scratch me- wait are you crying?” Beomgyu’s gaze melts after noticing the tears accumulating in your waterline.
“No!” you respond, the tip of your nose becoming slightly red. You raise your sleeve to wipe your nose.
“Wait Y/N! You’re going to get makeup all over my hoodie!-”
Beomgyu halts when he sees your unblended concealer transfer onto his very white and expensive hoodie. His lips form into a straight line while he stares at you blankly.
“Sorry?” you squeak. He gestures dramatically- blinking at you like a pissed off owl.
…
…
…
You bolt to the door, sprinting from Beomgyu before he quickly follows in pursuit of you. You run through the house, tumbling down the stairs frantically, and when you turn the corner, you stub your toe against the wall, stumbling over and falling flat on your face.
You shriek in pain, holding onto your toe. Your eyes immediately tear up, sobbing through the pain blistering in your toe. And for some reason, Beomgyu is nowhere to be found.
“Y/N? Are you okay?”
You freeze when none other than Jungkook pops out of his room, completely shirtless with nothing but gray sweats on. His abs are literally ripping in your face and his entire sleeve of beautiful tattoos are practically mocking you- especially the mask one. It's laughing in your face because it gets to be on Jungkook’s body and you don’t.
You begin to cry even harder. No physical pain would ever compare to the pain of not being able to have him.
“Whoa, whoa, what happened?” Jungkook kneels down and takes your foot in his large hands.
Thank God you got your toes done the day before. His thumbs press into the balls of your feet while he carefully inspects your toes. “Not fractured, I think. Think you can get up, baby?”
Baby. He’s been calling you that stupid nickname since forever. That’s what everybody used to call you when you were younger; you were the youngest of all your parents’ friends’ kids after all. But for some reason, the nickname only seemed to stick with Jungkook. He has this horrible tendency (not really) of doting on you, taking care of you, and spoiling you to oblivion.
You sniffle, shaking your head.
Jungkook’s handsome face crinkles into a subtle laughter, an amused expression etched onto his features. He takes his pointer finger and thumb, pinching your nostrils and wiping your snot onto his sweats.
You smile sheepishly, butterflies erupting in your stomach.
This man will literally touch your feet and boogers as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. That has to mean something, right?
Jungkook scoops you into his arms bridal style and takes you into his room.
Why Jungkook has a room in your house is beyond you. It seems like he was always over doing some errands for your parents- not that you were complaining, of course. He sets you down on his bed and uses his large palm to smooth over the frizzy hairs that are sticking up.
“Just stay here for a while. I’ll take you to Urgent Care if it hurts in a few hours.”
Truth be told, that shit didn’t even hurt anymore, but there’s no way you were going to pass this opportunity up. You nuzzle into Jungkook’s sheets, his masculine smell absolutely amplifying your will to live. His cologne smells so good, the musky elegance of his scent making you dizzy as you bask in his essence.
Anyways! Looks like you’re canceling your plans with Beomgyu. Apparently, he already knows that.
Shutting your phone off, your eyes drift towards Jungkook, owlishly blinking at the computer code projected onto his large monitor. He’s got everything going for him: rich, hot, smart, successful. You want to cry again. “Jungkook, can I ask you something?”
His focus remains on the screen, eyes still boring onto the monitor before he absentmindedly responds, “Sup?”
“What would you do if a bear, a lion, and a gorilla just walked into this room right now?”
Jungkook’s fingers pause, hovering above his light up keyboard. He swivels around in his chair, his handsome features crinkling in evident confusion.
“I’m serious. What would you do if a bear, a lion, and a gorilla showed up in your room? If you aren’t able to answer the question, then I don’t really know if I feel safe here,” you elaborate as you gesture with your hands, the bratty tone laced in your voice attempting to guilt trip him for not having a backup plan for this very specific specific situation.
“Easy. I would feed you to them and then escape,” Jungkook bites back a cheeky smile before spinning around and returning to his work.
You gasp dramatically, pouting before you pull his covers over your head.
Jungkook hums to himself, laughing at how obnoxious you can be.
Later on, another question is conjured in your imaginative little mind, and Jungkook’s lip twitches when he hears your classic Jungkook, I have another question.
“Hmmm?”
“Do you think you could put me on with your piercing guy?”
Jungkook swivels around in his chair once again. “Thought you already had your ears and belly pierced.”
“It’s not enough. I want more. Wanna be like you,” you murmur, eyes settling on his five piercings decorating his left lobe, the one in his eyebrow, and the two on his lips.
“It is enough,” he immediately counters, “You shouldn’t put holes in your body.”
You cock a brow at him. “I know you’re not talking.”
Jungkook’s lip twitches upwards at your cheekiness. “Yea, I’ll send you his instagram. Tell him you’re with me and he’ll squeeze you in as soon as possible.”
-
“And I told Soobin to not piss in the water bottle, but he did anyway. And guess what? I almost drank from the same water bottle. Can you believe that? I was so fucking pissed at him I almost threw his piss back on him…” Yeonjun can tangibly feel that you’re not all there, your eyes occasionally drifting off- so his eyes follow your train of vision until-
“Oh c’mon Y/N!” Yeonjun’s fingers release the grip on the gym equipment, causing the weights to thunderously slam back into place. You yelp, flinching a bit before you swat Yeonjun’s biceps.
“You scared me you bitch!”
“You scare me! And what the fuck are you wearing? What kind of basic bitch wears a pink set to the gym?”
You gasp dramatically. “You did not just say that.”
“And stop drooling over Jungkook! He doesn’t want you-mmmphh!” You clasp your palm over Yeonjun’s mouth mid-sentence, your boba eyes glaring up at him. You release your hand, pouting at him dramatically when you feel you’ve tortured him enough.
Hands on your hips, you continue glowering at him and he gladly reciprocates the scowl on your lips.
Yeonjun acquiesces from the glare-off almost immediately, too entirely soft to hold a grudge against his best friend. “Did you only agree to come to the gym with me to see Jungkook?” he asks, sincere disappointment laced in his words.
You immediately soften, disheartened to hear the crestfallenness in his tone. You shake your head at the notion. “No- I wouldn’t do that. I swear he’s here by coincidence,” you explain thoughtfully, “I’m sorry for being an inattentive friend. It wasn’t intentional. I just get distracted whenever I see him. I’m sorry.” Your eyes return to Yeonjun’s who smiles knowingly at you. He opens his arms, offering an embrace and you gladly accept, hugging all the problems away.
“You’re such a lovestruck girl,” Yeonjun teases.
“I can’t help it. He just looks so good. Look at his arms and his tattoos- oh Yeonjun, I’ll never get over him. What should I do?”
“We just have to kill him. That’s the only option left,” your eyes meet his, his empty gaze boring into your skull before you both burst into giggles.
“You’re right. That is the only option left.” You take a step back to stretch your arms, releasing the tension in your limbs until you sense a very familiar walking pattern approaching you.
“Hey Y/N,” Jungkook casually greets, creeping behind you to wrap a single arm around your shoulder. He pulls you closer to him from behind, nonchalantly nuzzling his forehead into the back of your head. You use both your hands to grip onto his thick forearm. “Um, hey Kook.”
Yeonjun bites back laughter, watching how you practically become hysterical at Jungkook’s casual gesture.
Jungkook uses his vacant hand to dap up Yeonjun- over your head. “What’s up Yeonjun?” Jungkook grins. Yeonjun reciprocates the friendly greeting. “Hey, how’ve you been? You looked great with the tricep presses.”
Jungkook beams at that. “Oh, you saw? I’ve been bulking so I’m trying to go super heavy with the weights.”
“I can tell. You look fucking enormous,” Yeonjun comments.
Jungkook immediately dismisses the compliment with a wave. “Don’t say that. You look good too…”
Tuning out of the interaction, your brain begins to malfunction when you realize that Jungkook is extremely familiar with all of your friends. You definitely aren’t the most social person, often opting to napping in your cozy bed instead of going into the harsh, unforgiving world, but you are lucky enough to have great friends like Yunjin, Yeonjun, Beomgyu, and Jungkook knows all of them. That had to be indicative of something deeper, right? Perhaps his underlying affection for you? Or a sign that he was possibly in love with you?
“What are you giggling about?” Jungkook teases, gently using his vacant hand to ruffle your hair.
You crimson intensely. “Nothing,” you sheepishly respond, skitterishly ducking under Jungkook’s arm to scurry behind Yeonjun, using your friend as a protective shield.
“What’s up with her?” Jungkook asks Yeonjun, to which Yeonjun feigns ignorance. “Not a clue.”
“Well then, I’m gonna head out. I’m actually staying at Y/N’s for a bit because her parents are out of town. Can you believe I still have to babysit her?” Jungkook says to Yeonjun, giving you a teasing glance.
“It’s just in case someone stalks me or tries to kill me! I don’t need to be babysat,” you emphasize, scowling at Jungkook and he can’t help but to reach out and pinch your cheek. The casual gesture sends you over the moon.
“Whatever you say. You need a ride home though? I can wait so Yeonjun doesn’t have to waste gas on you,” Jungkook suggests, eyes darting towards yours then Yeonjun’s to detect any traces of reticence or hesitation in his features.
You do the same, glancing towards Yeonjun who actually sports a look of indifference. You playfully link your arms with Yeonjun’s before sending Jungkook a downward smile. “It’s okay Kook. Wanna spend time with my friend today.”
A touched gasp leaves Yeonjun’s lips as he holds his hand over his heart, gesticulating dramatically to convey his surprise that you would choose him over the man you’ve been salivating over the past thirty minutes.
Jungkook has no protests about your preference. “Alright Y/N, see you at home. See you Yeonjun,” he gives you a little squeeze before he departs.
Yeonjun waits until Jungkook is out of ear shot to provoke you, mocking you in an obnoxious, high pitched voice, “I don’t need to be babysat! You’re such a baby- but thank you for choosing me, you know.”
You tilt your head, eyebrows pinching before you subtly frown at Yeonjun’s comment. “Of course I would choose you. You’re my friend.” You say it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world- because it kinda is. Bros over hoes any day.
Yeonjun’s lips quirk up at the sentiment, “Oh how touching, thank you so much for gracing me with your presence, my queen.”
-
Jungkook thinks you can be such a princess sometimes, especially when you drag your feet back into the house, a sour expression consuming your pretty features. Particularly receptive to your emotional fluctuations, he doesn’t hesitate to ask you what’s up.
He leans against the kitchen counter, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows as his eyes settle on your moping figure. “Who made you sad? Bring them to me right now,” he muses.
You pause, letting your light green gym bag (with little Snorlax’s decorated all over it) fall to the floor with a thud before gazing at him with a vacuous expression. “Why are you dressed up?” you point towards his work attire- a simple white button up and slacks. The buttons on his dress shirt are undone and messy, giving you access to his chest and it makes you want to roll around on the floor and cry. His slacks are tight- accentuating his long, muscular legs and you decide that you’d be okay with dying only if you were suffocated between his thighs.
“Had a work call,” he responds, indifference laced in his voice, “Now who made you sad? Want oppa to handle it for you?” he teases, releasing a breathless laugh at the way your nose scrunches up in disgust.
Nonetheless, you spill everything to Jungkook- because you always spill everything to Jungkook and because you trust him with everything in you. He makes you feel safe. Plopping yourself down on the seat by the dining counter, you wordlessly slide your phone across the counter. Jungkook effortlessly stops your phone with a single hand, his eyes scanning across the array of text messages popping up on the screen.
“Not this guy again,” he mutters under his breath, gauging the situation.
“I know!” you concede, “Wish he would leave me alone- but I feel like I have to respond.”
The text messages were from none other than your ex-boyfriend, telling you how much he misses you, how he’ll do better for you, and every other generic I want you back text in the book.
There are various reasons why you feel obligated to respond to him: (a) the whole breakup was a mess and (b) it was your fault. You were in a long-term, committed relationship with your high school sweetheart until you recognized your exponentially growing feelings for Jungkook. The guilt of breaking your ex’s heart haunts you- his crying, tear-stained face often popping up in your mind when you feel shitty, making you feel even shittier. Though you were no longer emotionally tied to him you do feel obligated to give him closure, or at the very least respond to his text messages.
But you’ve had this conversation with your ex numerous times. How much closure does one need in order to move on?
“You don’t have to respond to him,” Jungkook’s sonorous voice pulls you from the thoughts plaguing your mind. “You’ve already told him how you feel,” Jungkook is the rational force in your life, always tugging you towards the right direction, especially when your susceptible mind feels the need to please everyone and everything.
“I know,” you sigh, “I just feel bad. He was my first kiss, first boyfriend. It feels like I just abandoned him.”
A look of contemplation blankets Jungkook’s handsome face, evident by the way his fingers trace over his chin and lips. “That’s true,” he eventually asserts, “but no one as young as you should stay in a relationship out of obligation.” He approaches you and settles himself down on the vacant seat beside you. “Actually Y/N, I’m proud of you for building up the courage to let him go. It would be more painful if you forced yourself to stay.”
You purse your lips and nod, allowing yourself to enjoy the sensation of Jungkook comfortingly rubbing your back. “t’s just sad. I used to love him.”
“I know Y/N, but sometimes you just have to start living in the present instead of the past. If you respond you’re just going to give him false hope. Just let it be,” he articulates, using prudence to assuage you.
You nod, craning your head to sustain eye contact with him, making the conversation feel all the more intimate and personal, “How would you feel if you were him? I mean- if your girlfriend broke up with you and you were still like- in love- with her?”
He tilts his head, thoroughly contemplating the question because he takes your feelings seriously, and he wants to give you the right answers. “If my girlfriend loses feelings then she loses feelings, there’s nothing I can do about it. I definitely wouldn’t beg for her back, I’d go out and make a lot of money instead,” he smiles, “But I wouldn’t know how it feels. I’ve never been dumped before,” he adds.
“Seriously?” you interject, not believing that Jungkook has never been dumped in his 26 years of living. “What about that one girl you brought to Thanksgiving Dinner a few years ago? What happened to her?”
“Ahh her?” he somewhat grimaces at the thought of his ex-girlfriend, “She was getting a little too suffocating so I let her go. She was really pissed off- tried to key my car and shit,” he states.
You gasp. His ex-girlfriend was so sweet to you- she even bought you a Snorlax plush keychain. But you can imagine Jungkook trying to hold her back while she jostles out of his grip, trying to key his car- his baby. “No way? If she ever comes back, just let me know. I’ll throw hands for you,” you enunciate, showing him your fists to which Jungkook just scoffs in amusement.
“Yea, I’ll definitely call you,” he remarks sarcastically before getting up, “So are you good, baby?” he asks, casually resting his hand on your shoulder, and you nod.
“‘M good. I’m not gonna respond to him.”
Jungkook’s lips quirk up at that. “Good.”
-
Jungkook is livid. You can tell by the way he spam calls you even after you repeatedly reject his calls. You quietly sneak out of the lecture hall and answer his call once you’ve reached the hallway.
“What? I’m in class,” you impatiently mutter.
“You’re fucking kidding, aren’t you?” he scoffs through the phone, “I canceled your appointment, by the way.”
The color drains from your face once you realize what this is about. “He told you?”
“You’re out of your fucking mind if you thought you could go through me to get your nipples pierced! I can’t believe you thought I would let you do that!”
“Why? What’s wrong with it?” you whisper shout into his phone, “I’m an adult, I can do whatever I want!”
“No you’re not. Baby, you can’t even drink,” he reiterates, a little more calmly this time.
“Who cares? You’re not my mom! I can do whatever I want. Even if it’s through someone else!” you bark back. The silence that ensues intimidates you.
“Baby.” His voice is low, and it’s kinda hot but you don’t pay attention to it because of how angry you are at him trying to monopolize your actions.
“I’m not a fucking baby anymore so stop calling me that!”
“You’re not a baby?” Jungkook laughs lowly into the phone, as if the claim itself is ridiculous.
“‘m not.” He can practically hear your pout through the phone.
“You can’t even get on a plane by yourself.”
You gasp at Jungkook’s low blow. That was one time. A month ago, you took a flight to Vegas for EDC to meet up with Yunjin, who flew out the day before you. But you had no clue how to check your bag in, and were far too intimidated to go through the security check by yourself. What if they thought your ID was fake? Or worse what if they sent you to jail? There was just no way you could go through by yourself.
You remember the way Jungkook shook his head at your preposterous notions but nonetheless still agreed to take care of you.
So Jungkook drove you to the airport, carried your bag for you, weighed it, and checked it in. He also stood with you for the entire thirty minute wait at security and only left the airport when called and told him you were waiting at the departure gate.
You don’t respond, and he takes it as an opportunity to further his point.
“That’s what I thought. End of story. You’re not getting it done.”
He hangs up and you blissfully sigh. This literally takes feminism back 32904098 years, but you kind of love a man that can put you in your place.
-
Jungkook goes to the gym everyday solely so he can beat the shit out of Taehyung and Mingyu, who get off on tormenting him for his extremely complex and profound feelings for you.
Hooking up to the bluetooth speaker and blaring the sound of police sirens, going “Ayo! He’s right here, officer!” every time they walk past a policeman- they even go as far as putting handcuffs on him while he sleeps- hooting and howling in laughter when Jungkook wakes with his hands restrained.
Initially, it made his intestines twist and turn with pure guilt, guilt about harboring feelings for you, the little girl who used to prance around his room and do cartwheels in futile attempts to impress him.
His friends make him feel like shit, but they’re his friends for a reason.
“Hey, so how’s Y/N?” Mingyu casually asks, sinking into the welcoming leather of Jungkook’s sleek, black sofa. He props his feet up on Jungkook’s coffee table- mahogany brown and custom designed to suit Jungkook’s meticulous and elegant taste.
Jungkook narrows his eyes at the nonchalance of the comment, half expecting Taehyung to pop out of nowhere in policeman cosplay, ready to put him in cuffs. “Why’re you asking?”
When Mingyu detects the hostility blanketing Jungkook’s features, his jaw drops in realization of the reality of the situation. “Wait.. you don’t take us seriously when we tease you about that shit, right?”
Jungkook cocks his head in confusion, settling beside Mingyu, chopsticks in hand as he blows on his ramen. “I mean, kinda. I feel guilty about it.”
Mingyu eyes his friend for a while, and Jungkook slowly turns his head towards Mingyu when he feels lasers boring holes into his skull. “What, asshole?”
“Ah, sorry man. I didn’t know it bothered you. I kind of thought it was a given that you and Y/N are cute together. Didn’t know the age gap bothered you.”
Oh.
Jungkook pauses, setting his sizzling ramen back into the plastic container instead of into his mouth, and Mingyu feels the need to further elaborate.
“I mean, you’re always helping her out, taking care of her, that’s pretty cute.”
Jungkook blinks at Mingyu, raking his tattooed hand through his hair. “Doesn’t that just make me look like a dumbass?” he mutters, before letting out a bitter, light-hearted laughter at the reality of his assertion.
His emotions for you run deep and intricate, but one thing remains unequivocally clear: he doesn't do these things because he expects something in return. That would be selfish. Obligation doesn't factor into his decisions either. Jungkook doesn't subscribe to such motivations when it comes to his personal life. He views it as unnecessary and cumbersome—except when it involves you. Whether it's looking after you, lending you money, helping you with homework, or driving you to the airport, he does it all because he genuinely loves you.
He acknowledges the peculiarity of his natural inclination to care for you. In the past, he's ended numerous relationships due to girls he found excessively clingy, suffocating, or overbearing, all attributes he easily uses to describe you- but he lives for that shit when it comes to you.
Mingyu’s forehead wrinkles in confusion. “What? That girl loves you, Jungkook. If she does good in school and gets rich, you’d be bathing in that shit,” Mingyu jokes, causing Jungkook to sputter out laughter at the absurd thought.
“Right now though?” Mingyu continues, “She wouldn’t be able to change your tire or some shit, but she brings you this sense of peace, and that’s something every guy needs in his girl.”
Jungkook pauses at that.
-
Jungkook is abruptly awoken by the blaring sound of his ringtone. Groggily, he reaches for his phone on the nightstand, eyes barely open.
You, the only person that would call him at 3 in the morning, and you the only person he would answer at 3 in the morning.
Babysitting is the last word he would use to explain why he’s at your house right now. He’s at your house because, well, he would do anything for you, even if you aren’t aware of the lengths he would go to keep you satiated and happy.
He’s aware that men find you charming for your ditzy and oblivious nature, but Jungkook likes you regardless of whether or not you possess such an arbitrary trait. But it is true that there are a lot of things you aren’t aware of, like how utterly lovely you are. Jungkook knows you- sees how oblivious you are to the men who shamelessly ogle at you, or the boys who practically break their necks to get a glimpse at you.
You have this resonating effect on him. You drive him crazy and you don’t even know it.
Initially, Jungkook had never truly focused his attention on you, yet as time passed, an irresistible attraction began to pull him toward you. He vividly recalls an incident in particular that left him dumbfounded.
Jungkook’s mom visited yours to drop off some vegetable. Gifting fruits and vegetables from their gardens are the way the aunties demonstrate their love and appreciation for one another. Jungkook reckons you didn’t know he was there because you pranced down the stairs with the tiniest boy shorts and camisole top. Jungkook isn’t the type of man to become disoriented over the sight of a woman’s body, practically desensitized from all the women he’s been with, but he stiffens at your presence.
“Wow baby!” His mother giggles, using your classic nickname as she ogles you shamelessly, “You’re getting really sexy!”
She playfully nudges your mom, “Are you ready to have grandchildren?” The joke makes your mother roll her eyes, though a smile lingers on her lips, infinitely proud of her beautiful daughter.
“I wish someone would marry my daughter!” Your mom jests, “All she ever does is sleep! I just wish a man would even look her way!”
Jungkook’s eyebrows pinch in bewilderment. He knew your mother was only joking, teasing you as per usual- because clearly, you are captivatingly gorgeous. You make a sly comment in return to make his mom giggle, always so smooth and sociable with the old ladies.
Suddenly, you randomly swivel around, yelping at Jungkook’s presence. “Oh hey,” you greet, fidgeting in place, “I didn’t know you were here. Sorry- I should cover up a little.”
For the first time in his life Jungkook is speechless in front of you. You. You just look so pretty standing in front of him, your manicured fingers twirling a single strand of hair, gazing at him and gnawing your lips like he makes you nervous when in reality you make him tremble with just one look. It makes his chest tighten and he inhales deeply to compose himself.
“No. Not at all, you should be comfortable in your own home,” the smile he offers you is forced, polite, and you’re bewildered at the tension accumulating between you and him. Your eyes glint downward; you can’t even look at him, and suddenly a bold wave of impulsivity washes over you.
“Hey Jungkook, can we talk in the other room?”
Jungkook’s eyes flash towards his mother’s then rapidly back at you. Subconsciously, his eyes trace down your body and he feels like has to physically gouge his eyes out to prevent himself from looking.
“Yea, sure.”
He follows you upstairs into the guest room, taking extreme measures to keep his pupils focused on the ceiling lights above your head. However, his efforts work against him because the ceiling lights shine on you like a spotlight, illuminating your gorgeous figure as you make your way up the stairs.
Your fingers wrap around his forearm and you pull him into the room.
You waste no time getting straight to the point.“Jungkook, I think I’m pregnant.”
Jungkook blinks, processing what you just said. “Huh?”
You bite your lip anxiously, crossing your arms while you look down at your toes. “My period is late, and I don’t know what to do- you’re the only person I trust to talk about this.”
Jungkook doesn’t hesitate to confirm the sentiment. “You can trust me with anything. I’ll always take care of you- ‘m just a little shocked because I thought you were still a virgin.”
Gasping dramatically, you pout at him and stomp your foot. “I’m not a little kid anymore.”
Yea, clearly not, he thinks. “Just act normal. After I drop my mom off at home I’ll come back with a pregnancy test.”
You nod and give him a downward smile. “Thanks- ‘m just really nervous and I hope I’m not pregnant because I don’t even remember who the dad is and-“
Jungkook frowns at that, perturbation morphing onto his features. “Y/N, you don’t remember who the dad is? Please don’t do that- only sleep with people you trust. Please.”
“I trust you.”
The words tumble from your lips immediately, before you can even process your thoughts. You clasp your hand over your mouth, a small gasp leaving your lips as you gaze up at him in pure horror.
Jungkook doesn’t know what to think- doesn’t even know if that was just a fragment of his imagination. He blinks at you, brain too fused to even conjure a proper response.
“Wait- I didn’t mean it like that!” you blurt out. At that moment, you give up on any attempt to salvage the situation and scurry out of the room, stumbling back down the stairs.
Jungkook runs his hands over his face.
He’s going to hell for the thoughts running through his mind.
Thank God you weren’t pregnant but after that night Jungkook just never looked at you as just a family friend. It’s complicated . It’s morally conflicting, and it frustrates Jungkook like nothing else.
“Hello?” he speaks into the phone
“I bled on my bed,” you sniffle into the phone, “Just please come upstairs,” you say before abruptly hanging up.
He begrudgingly rises from his bed. Though tired, he doesn’t hesitate to throw his black t-shirt over his head to look presentable for when he checks up on you. Rubbing at his eyes with his knuckles, he shoves his hands into the pockets of his black sweats as he makes his way up the stairs. He gently opens the door to see you sitting idly under your covers, clinging onto your Snorlax plushie for dear life. You’re wearing
He sits on the edge of your bed. “You ran out of pads?”
You don’t say anything, remaining stiff like an ice sculpture, not melting under Jungkook’s warm touch like you usually do.
He nods at you and gently tugs on your oversized T-shirt, urging you to get up as he sticks out his hand. “Change the sheets and I’ll go out and buy you some pads-“
“Jungkook, I'm in love with you.”
Abrupt.
Impulsive.
Messy.
But you feel like you just have to say it. With a radiant glow on your rosy cheeks, you purse your lips in a demure manner, physically unable to look at him. You have to look at Snorlax to get your words out instead.
You inhale deeply. “I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, and I’m sorry if it creeps you out but I’ve always had feelings for you- and I hate you for it because I don’t think I’ll ever have the capacity to love anyone else like I love you.” With glossy eyes you finally peer at him just to see an entirely indecipherable expression- you’re not sure if it conveys shock, bewilderment, or horror but it evokes the most unsettling and humiliating sensation in the pit of your stomach.
Just as day transforms into night, humiliation morphs into anger, and anger morphs into nonsensicality. Outrage bubbles within you and you chuck the Snorlax plushie at his face.
“Fuck you! How can you treat me the way you do and expect me not to feel anything?! I emotionally cheated on my ex with you! You’re the fucking worst and I hate you. I hate you so fucking much!” Your hands frantically search for every single squishmallow, plushie, and teddy bear you have and you violently chuck your beloved squishies at him. From zero to one hundred, you’ve escalated rapidly and you feel like you’ll die if you don’t convey everything to him right now, in this moment.
Jungkook remains stoic, somewhat resembling the statue of a Greek god: handsome and stagnant, not even flinching at the impact of your squishies hitting his built body or the way you nonsensically scream at him.
“This is all your fucking fault Jungkook. You ruined my life! You ruined love for me! I’ll never get a boyfriend, never get married, never have kids because of you! I’m going to die alone and it’ll be all your fucking fault! How could you do that to me? How could you do that to me?” You erupt into sobs, pushing your face into your hands as you violently cry. Snot, tears, and saliva leak from your face as the chagrin completely consumes you.
“Y/N.” The sound of Jungkook’s deep, baritone voice is barely audible over the sounds of your heaving.
“I’m sorry Y/N.” He does sound sorry, but you can’t help but question the authenticity of his words because he didn’t do anything wrong in the first place. It’s like he’s merely uttering an apology to appease you.
But for Jungkook, he’ll apologize a million times if it helps dry your tears. He never let his pride get in the way when it comes to you.
He sits at the edge of your bed, using his finger to tilt your chin up, revealing your disheveled, snotty, and glossy face. You whimper when your vision clears and focuses on him.
He wipes your face with your own shirt, tugging up the hem to absorb your tears, still gentle and attentive. You swat his hand away. “You need to stop doing that,” you mewl, blinking more tears from your eyes.
“You need to stop crying. It makes me sad,” he retorts, passing you the same Snorlax plushie you violently launched at him. You cushion the plushie on top of your thighs and bring your knees to your chest. You inhale and exhale deeply, trying to settle from your emotional high.
“You don’t even take me seriously,” you mumble, peeking up at him.
“I always take you seriously,” Jungkook responds, “but I want you to stop crying first-
“Jungkook, kiss me,” you breathe out, “If you don’t hate me, then kiss me,” you say, your eyes fluttering shut, delusionally- as if he was about to kiss you. Instead, you feel his large palm on your head, softly caressing your hair.
“I’m not gonna kiss you. You should get some rest.” His voice is deep, calm, and composed. How can he be so normal when you’re on the brink of losing your mind?
Your face scrunches up in indignation before you erupt in tears once again, practically screaming. “Fuck you! I hate you! I hate you!”
“Y/N.” He calls your name repeatedly.
“Y/N-”
“Shut the fuck up you asshole!”
“Y/N,” his voice becomes more stern with everytime he calls your name, but you don’t let him get a word in. You keep screaming at him, calling him every name in the book of insults, shaking him off every time he goes near you.
When he attempts to sit by you, you violently push him away. “Go away! I’m not a little kid anymore! I don’t fucking need you anymore! I’m gonna be single forever because of you! If you don’t want me to be single forever then just fucking leave and never come back!”
You’re aware that your words are horrible, but the overwhelming sense of embarrassment and shame erupting in your system prevents any rational train of thoughts from developing in your mind. You’re embarrassed and devastated that Jungkook doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, and it sends you spiraling.
He attempts to calm you once more by sitting on your bed, but you push him even more violently. “Don’t fucking touch me! I’m never gonna find love because of you! Just fucking die, just leave forever if-”
He staggers on his feet, caught off balance from the force of your push, and for the first time in his life Jungkook yells at you.
“Y/N!”
Giving you no time to say or think anything, he seats himself on your makeup chair, tattooed hand gripping onto its top rail. “Y/N,” he scowls deeply at you, features blanketed in exasperation, “We’ll talk about this later, but you need to calm the fuck down. You’re hurting me when you talk like that.”
Your eyebrows furrow deeply in horror, your cheeks tear-stained and your eyes filled with sorrow. The haunting realization of what you just said settles into your system. Your quivering lips barely enunciate your words. “Kook, I’m so sorry,” you blubber out. “I shouldn’t have said that, I didn’t mean it. I promise I didn’t mean it!” You shoot up, stumbling over your own feet and collapsing onto the floor. You’re a mess. Your face glistens with a layer of your own snot, and your hair is matted and tangled, the result of the countless times you tugged at it during this interaction.
Unbeknownst to you, there's a red blotch near the lower hem of your T-shirt, and droplets of blood escape you and drip onto the floor as you stumble out of bed. Jungkook notices though, eyebrows pinching in concern as a very disturbed expression morphs on his face when you collapse to your knees, your trembling hands holding onto him for support. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave. Please don’t leave. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it! It’s all my fucking fault!”
Jungkook doesn’t say anything.
“I’m so sorry, Jungkook,” you sniffle. “I’m so sorry I said that. That was so horrible of me. Please don’t die. I’m so sorry.”
A sigh of vexation leaves his lips, but nonetheless he remains patient, compassionate towards the devastation that consumes your face. “I’m not gonna die.” He cups your face with his tattooed hand, and uses his thumb to wipe the idle tears on your face. “I forgive you. It’s okay.”
“Promise? Promise it’s okay? I’m so sorry,” you cry even more, desperately latching onto his hands, using the side of his fingers to wipe your eyes.
“It’s okay,” he confirms, tilting your head upwards before wiping your face with a makeup wipe from your vanity. “‘M really tired. I’m gonna go get your pads then I’ll be back.
You sniffle. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” The smile he gives you is forced, and it makes you feel horrible.
He motions his head towards your bed. “Get some sleep. I’ll wake you up when I come back.”
You tiredly listen to his words, getting under your covers and holding onto your Snorlax plush. “Good night Kook.”
“Night,” he says, somewhat emotionlessly, flickering the lights off and vacating your room.
-
Horrible. You wake up with puffy eyes, infinite eye boogers, and an awful pit in your stomach. The memories of last night come flooding in and you immediately check your phone to see if Jungkook texted you. There’s nothing there.
Why would he want to talk to you after what you did?
You decide to send him a text message to further emphasize how sorry you are.
You throw your phone on the bed and scream into the stomach of Snorlax.
Dry. He’s being so fucking dry and it’s all your fault.
The next few weeks are spent with you attempting to redeem yourself.
-
You have no idea why you’re in front of Jungkook’s work, let alone with a lunchbox cake in hand. Begrudgingly, you stumble inside the tall building, awkwardly smiling when you come face to face with the sweet old security man. Jungkook’s work place is fancy as hell. Every floor of the tower hosts the office of an aristocratic company. There are even enormous, airport-esque x-ray machines stationed towards the entrance. You have to walk through a metal detector to be granted access into the building.
“Why hello, young lady! What business do you have here today?”
“Um, I have a cake for someone. H-he works at HYBE Tech Solutions.”
“Alright, go ahead and put your bag and belongings here,” he says, motioning towards the tray on the X-ray machine conveyor belt. You watch as your belongings pass through the machine and come out on the other end. Then, you step through the metal detector, holding your arms up to be properly inspected. You bid the security man goodbye and walk towards the elevator.
An ominous feeling of stupidity washes over you as you press your fingers onto the elevator buttonsYou feel stupid. You feel dumb. You feel silly. You would never do this for a man, but here you are.
You take a deep breath before you stumble in, coming face to face with the lady that works at the front desk. Your eyes settle on the badge on her blouse. Dorothy. You vaguely remember Jungkook ranting about this woman, venting about how she crossed professional and ethical boundaries- often sneakily creeping her fingers up his chest while they spoke and even going as far as to dig into the company’s database for his personal information.
You clear your throat. “Hi, how’s your day been?”
“I’m great! Thanks for asking, hun. How can I help you today?” She asks, voice bubbly and uplifting, perfect for customer service.
“Oh! Um- I have something for Jungkook. He works in the tech department.”
Her bubbly and friendly atmosphere immediately diminishes, and she raises her eyebrows at you before eyeing you conspicuously. With a vacuous expression, she picks up the landline, pressing her thin fingers into the numbers. “Hey, can you let Jungkook know that there’s a child here for him?”
You purse your lips at that, rocking back and forth on your heels. You try to avoid eye contact with this woman by looking elsewhere- pupils frantically darting to the daisies on the front desk or the grandfather clock that sits idly against the beige walls- but she’s persistently staring you down.
Thank God Jungkook appears from the end of the hallway.
He sports a light blue button up and brown slacks, a stack of papers in his tattooed hand while the other rakes through his short hair. He looks delicious as ever and clearly Dorothy agrees because she practically moans as he walks down the hallway.
“Y/N?” He narrows his eyes in your direction, confirming that it’s really you.
“Um hi Kook. I brought you something.” You use two hands to present the styrofoam box to him.
Jungkook’s eyes scan from the lunchbox to you. He places the stack of papers on the front desk before accepting the box and popping open its lid. “A cake?” he questions, and you nod shyly, fidgeting in place.
“Thanks,” he plainly says, giving you an awkward smile before his eyes dart towards Dorothy, who is intensely scrutinizing the interaction. There is tension in the atmosphere, and Dorothy’s presence isn’t helping.
He clears his throat. “You didn’t have to, you should be studying,” he says, his words a little more light-hearted this time.
You shake your head. “I wanted to do this for you. I’m sorry for last night, Koo.”
He stares at you before letting a sigh escape his lips. “t’s okay Y/N. Told you I‘m not mad. We’ll talk about this later.”
You twiddle with your fingers, your puppy eyes flickering towards him.
“Hug?” he asks, cutting the tension, tilting his head while he holds his arms open. You pout, nodding before running into his arms. He holds you tight, and whispers into the top of your head so Dorothy wouldn’t catch heed of the conversation. “You made me sad last night, you know.”
“‘I’m sorry.”
“‘It's okay. I can never be mad at you for too long,” He subtly releases you from his embrace and pinches your cheek. “Now go home, okay?”
You take a step back and offer a nod. And for some reason, Jungkook feels that you’re looking at him as if you’ll never see him again. “Enjoy your cake.”
Jungkook smiles back, waving you goodbye. You turn to the office lady, who quickly averts her eyes once you notice her blatant eavesdropping. “Thank you auntie. Have a nice day!”
Jungkook has to physically restrain himself from laughing.
-
A heart emoji. Butterflies erupt in your stomach at his most insignificant actions. You hold your phone to your chest and bite back a smile.
Loud music booms and vibrates through the walls of this massive mansion. There’s a huge pool, complete with a waterslide and waterfalls spilling into the pool. You’re surrounded by tons of other like-minded college kids, clad in nothing but a white lace bikini. You’re able to acknowledge that it isn’t the most tasteful outfit, but you feel good and you look good.
After jumping in the pool and violently pelting water balloons at each other (effectively scaring away all the hoes), you and Yunjin lie under a cabana mindlessly scrolling through your phones. You only look up from your phone when you sense Yunjin holding up her phone for a selfie. Jungkook would have rolled his eyes at the sight.
“Can I show you something?” you abruptly blurt out, eliciting a cynical look from your friend. “Is it bad?”
You immediately shake your head, composing your posture so you can properly show Yunjin your texts with Jungkook. Her eyes rapidly scan over the phone in moments and she shoots you a sly glance.
“So do you think?-”
“I don’t know… but I really, really, really hope that it means something. I don’t want him to see me as a little kid anymore, you know?” Bashfully, you smile at her, your demure expression a complete juxtaposition to your practically naked figure.
Yunjin cups your cheeks making your glossy lips pouty. “Y/N! You’re about to pull Jungkook!”
“I am?”
“Yes you are-”
Yunjin flinches dramatically when a harsh stream of water unexpectedly drenches you. You both whip your head to the culprit in question: Beomgyu standing directly in front of you with a massive water gun.
“You bitch!” Yunjin shoots up and runs after him with you rapidly following your partner in crime’s lead. But as you’re running towards Beomgyu (who maniacally screams and dashes), another stream hits you from the back.
The second culprit. Soobin. You sprint towards, latching your claws onto his white T-shirt him while you tug him towards the pool. “Wait Y/N! I just dried off. I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
No mercy for this bitch.
You position yourself behind him, using your whole body to push him into the pool. Splash! You jump and squeal in excitement when he emerges from the water wiping his face with his hands. You laugh hysterically in his face, childishly pointing your finger at him, finding it even more hilarious when he gives you the stink eye. “That’s what you get, asshole!-“
You pause and shriek in horror.
Somebody just pulled on the strings of your bikini top, exposing your boobs to the entire party.
You instinctively crouch, shoving your chest into your knees.The gasp of horror that leaves Soobin’s lips mirrors yours, and he immediately springs into action, rapidly lifting himself from the pool and sprinting after whatever asshole just violated you.
“Y/N!” Your savior, Yeonjun appears in front of you, crouching to your level. He rapidly rids himself of his shirt and pulls it over your entire figure. “You’re good, you’re good,” he whispers calmly to you, trying to prevent you from having a full blown panic attack. You stand up reticently, folding your arms over your chest, eyes trained on the ground and only looking at Yeonjun’s feet to gauge which direction you’re heading in.
“You okay?” Yeonjun settles under the cabana. “That guy is such a dick,” he mutters to himself.
You nod and sink into the cushion of the outdoor-couch. “I’m so fucking embarassed.”
Attempting to salvage the situation, Yeonjun immediately shakes his head. “No, no. Nobody saw anything.” You shoot him a skeptical look, knowing damn well everybody in the party saw your bare boobs.
“Is that Jungkook?”
You immediately whip your head towards the left, and indeed Jungkook is walking your way. You can’t believe he’s real. All heads whip in his direction as he makes his way towards you. He flicks his head back to prevent hair from falling in front of his eyes, barefoot, black T-shirt, and gray shorts. He looks so handsome you can’t even comprehend it.
“Y/N!” He shouts, quicklyducking under the roof of the cabana before he positions himself in front of you. He inhales and exhales deeply, the blistering sun forming particles of sweat on his forehead.
You look up at him and your heart melts. The sheen of sweat on his face, the way his eyes fixate on you. Your heart skips a beat. You want to cry. Again. Out of embarrassment, and how emotional you become at Jungkook’s mere presence.
You bury your head into your knees, making Jungkook's eyebrows pinch. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Yeonjun opens his mouth, hesitatingly glancing at you to confirm if telling Jungkook is okay.
You shoot up and practically catapult yourself onto Jungkook, latching onto him like a Koala. “Nothing happened,” you say, nuzzling your face into his shirt. “Come swim with me. Please.”
Jungkook sighs, using his large palm to tame your frizzy stray hairs. “Y/N. We need to go home.”
You cock your head in confusion.“Wait why?”
His voice becomes oddly stern. “Y/N. It’s important and we have to go home.”
“To your place or mine?”
“My place. Just follow me.”
You haven’t a clue as to why Jungkook is behaving so urgently, but you follow him nonetheless. You pick up your purse and give Yeonjun a quick hug, running after Jungkook who cooly breezes past everyone, not a single person missing the hot guy who suddenly showed to the party.
Jungkook opens his car door for you and allows you to step in.
“Jungkook… is something going on?”
“Yes, there is,” he says grimacing slightly, shutting the door for you before he climbs into the driver’s seat.
This nauseating anxiety bubbles inside you and sends chills up your spine, making you flinch when Jungkook closes the car door on his side. Jungkook doesn’t say anything, just looks behind his shoulder to reverse from his parking spot before zooming out of there.
“Is this because of what happened the other night?” you ask, and he glances at you quickly.
“No, it isn’t.”
“Well.. are we going to talk about it?” you push, twiddling with your fingers.
Jungkook shakes his head, noticing your trembling fingers in his peripheral view. He reaches over and puts his hand on top of yours. “Not now.”
You don’t respond, shifting in confusion.
“Here,” Jungkook starts, throwing his phone in your lap, “You can play whatever song you want.”
You purse your lips and silently nod.
Sooner or later, you arrive at Jungkook’s apartments, and he leads you up the stairs and sits you on his black leather couch.
He cups your face with both hands, caressing the apples of your cheek with his thumbs. With your eyebrows pinched, you peer into Jungkook’s eyes, conveying your confusion through your scrunched facial features.
“Y/N, before I tell you what I want to tell you, I want you to take a few breaths. Just know that I’m always here for you.”
You nod steadily, pretty facial features still crinkled in confusion.
“Y/N, your parents were in a car accident, and they didn’t make it.”
“What?”
And as the haunting realization settles into your system, all you can remember are your shrieks of terror echoing throughout his apartment and the way Jungkook holds you against his body while he wipes your tears and assuages your loud cries.
-
The few days that proceed are a blur, but Jungkook takes care of you and is far more attentive than he ever has been. You cling onto him like fragile glass ornament hanging from a delicate thread- like he was all you had left because he was all you had left. He was your spring solace after a harsh winter, and the way he treated you indicated as much.
Jungkook works from home so you aren’t alone. For the entire day, you sit on his bed and watch him work. You eavesdrop on his meetings, falling asleep to the sound of his voice and whenever you wake up Jungkook ensures that he feeds you, constantly worried about your inability to eat.
You’re queasy just thinking about going back to your house, so your daily and nightly attire consist of pieces from Jungkook’s wardrobe. You haven’t verbally acknowledged what has happened- not ready to talk about the death of your parents. You’re just trying to survive, and you feel like you’re barely making it.
Thankfully, all your friends and family have been extremely helpful trying to get you through your grief. Jungkook’s mother stays with you for a few days, and after that Yunjin sleeps over with you for a few days- but you know that a piece of your heart has been ruthlessly ripped form you.
“Y/N, you need to take a shower,” Jungkook expresses, obstructing your view of the TV. His toothbrush hangs from his mouth, toothpaste residue bubbling around the perimeter of his lips. You owlishly blink at him, observing how his expression hardens at your look of indifference.
You scoot towards the left end of the couch, hoping to get a clear view of Ever After High projected on his flat screen TV.
“Y/N you haven’t showered in three days,” Jungkook interjects, “Please take a shower.”
“I will. Later.”
He pushes up his glasses, staring at you with intense disapproval. “Y/N,” he says sternly, trying to be gentle despite his qualms.
You acquiesce, pouting at him. “Okay, fine. Later.”
His frown deepens. “Y/N.”
You chew on your bottom lip, deeply contemplating what Jungkook has asked of you. His large frame remains frozen in front of you. No matter how you position yourself on the couch, he renders you unable to watch the princesses prance around on the TV.
“Okay… but will you at least come with me? I don’t want to be without you.”
Jungkook pauses.
“I don’t mean like getting in with me, but will you just sit on the toilet and talk to me?” You ask, sinking into the leather of his sofa and using your sweater paws to sweep your hair back.
“Yea, I’ll do that.”
Once you step in the shower, you close the curtains, and strip yourself from your clothes, handing the pile of clothes to Jungkook. You turn on the water, yelping at the sensation on your body. Jungkook was right. You needed this and you kind of do smell like butthole.
“Wait Y/N, do you want me to go to your house and get you underwear?”
After folding up your (his) T-shirt and boxers, he notices that you haven’t been wearing any undergarments.
“No!” you call back, “I don’t want you to go there! Not yet,” you call back.
“Then do you want me to buy you some?” he responds, placing the folded clothes on the bathroom counter.
“Um, maybe we can order some on Amazon.”
“Just send me the link and I’ll place the order.”
“Okay.”
A wave of silence washes over the bathroom, and you peek your head from the shower curtain to see what Jungkook’s up to: scrolling on Instagram. On his screen is some instagram model’s bikini pic, his fingers pausing on the screen so he can look at the photo.
“Who is that?” you ask, making Jungkook jump in his seat.
“What the- Y/N, just take your shower!” Jungkook feigns annoyance but can’t help himself but scoff in amusement at how petty you can be.
“Is she prettier than me?” you ask, glaring at Jungkook with disapproval.
Jungkook purses his lips and tugs the shower curtain past your face and holds it against the wall, preventing you from peeking your pretty head past the curtain. He holds it there for a good minute, unfazed by the thrashing against the shower curtain.
Swish.
You swipe open the shower curtain from the other side. Your eyes bore into Jungkook’s and Jungkook thinks you’re foolish not to realize how alluring and sultry you are. Your bare body is akin to a sculpture of the goddess Aphrodite. Water drips from the crevices of your body and you gaze at him with anticipation etched onto your face. You’re just standing there, but your posture is so seductive- or maybe it’s just the natural curvature of your body.
“Why don’t you join me?” your sweet voice makes his Adam's apple bob in his throat.
When he doesn’t respond, your features morph into humiliation, regret consuming you. You nod your head. “Sorry Kook, I’ll just-”
“Y/N, you’re gorgeous. Any man can see how lovely you are. Honestly, you take my breath away every time I see you,” Sensing the trepidation on your face, he solidifies his claim, “I mean it Y/N. You’re beautiful, and I want to join you but I’m not going to. You’re hurting right now and I don’t want to do anything to take advantage of you.”
And he isn’t lying, he yearns for every kind of contact with you, but he’s not going to go through with this. Not when you’re traumatized from the death of your parents. Not when you’ve been so unhinged for the past week, refusing to even shower.
You stare at him for a second, dazy eyed and your eyes darting around the room. “Okay Jungkook. I’m sorry.”
He smiles sweetly at you and gently closes the shower curtain. “It’s okay Y/N. I’m gonna head to my room. You’re welcome to come visit me anytime.”
-
Boys’ night. Jungkook being the handsome stud he is, happens to have friends that are also handsome studs. Jungkook offered to postpone boys’ night but you declined his attempts to make you more comfortable. Jungkook has exerted so much effort to take care of you. There’s no reason for him to forgo time with his best friends. Besides, you can always hide in your room.
You crack your door open slightly ajar, peeking through the crack to spy on Jungkook and his friends. Antisocial is the perfect word to describe you.
The sound of the doorbell ringing was your cue to lock yourself in your room. Jungkook knocked a few times, but you were too scared of other people that you didn’t even grace him with a response.
Clearly Jungkook got the message because he opted to leave a greasy piece of pizza outside your door, sending you a quick text message about it.
You just wanted to scout the scene, see who was there. Mingyu, Taehyung, Jimin, and Namjoon. Soju bottles are scattered around the table, and there’s some music blaring from the TV. You’ve met everyone here a few times- they all know you, but you aren’t close with Jungkook’s friends like he is with your friends.
“Oh Y/N! Come join us!” You freeze at Mingyu’s words, and all eyes in the room whip towards your direction.
“Umm..” you close the door gently and leap into the safety of your bed.
You overhear their banter through the wooden door. “Hey! Why are you making little kids uncomfortable!” Jimin yells, slapping Mingyu on the neck.
Your lip quivers, and you inhale deeply, gathering the courage to step outside of the room. You quickly put on deodorant, and step out stealthily, taking a seat next to Namjoon on the couch. No one seems to notice you, and you tap on his shoulder. Namjoon whips his head towards you, the confusion on his face melting into fondness.
“Hi,” you squeak out, fiddling with your fingers.
“Hi Y/N,” Namjoon greets, the kindness laced in his voice assuaging the trepidation bubbling on your inside. Jungkook’s red lava lamp illuminates the room with shades of crimson, and your eyes flutter shut when a ray of light shines on your face.
“Are you okay?” Namjoon inquires, holding his hand up to shield you from the light.
“Yea, I’m fine,” you blink a few times. You don’t say anything, just awkwardly take a bite of your pizza while your eyes dart around the room.
Namjoon doesn’t seem to know what to say to you either, so the two of you just sit and eat pizza in silence. For a moment, your eyes lock. You owlishly blink at him and he blinks at you for a good minute.
But then, to your surprise, Namjoon sets his pizza down, opening his arms. Your features scrunch up, and you let yourself melt into his warm embrace, glossy tears rolling down your face.
“I’m so sorry about what happened,” he expresses, gently caressing the back of your head with his palm. You sniffle. “t’s okay,” you sob, “but I’m so sad. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“You’ll get through this. We’re always here for you.”
His words invoke a tornado of intense feelings in your system, and your strong facade crumbles as you become vulnerable in Jungkook’s friend’s embrace. By this point, everyone has noticed your presence, and suddenly the night becomes about you.
After wiping your tears with the back of your hand, you find yourself sitting in between Jungkook and Namjoon in a “friendship circle”. It’s quite cute that these grown men still sit criss-cross applesauce in a circle, but you’re overjoyed that you’re welcome to the group.
“I brought you a cake Y/N,” Taehyung announces, handing you a lunchbox cake. With your doe eye, you look towards him before opening the lid of the cake. A lunchbox cake with Snorlax’s face iced on the top. “Jungkook mentioned that you really liked Pokemon, so I thought you’d find this cute,” he continues, slightly trailing off. You’re Strong! Is what it reads, and you fall into pieces, your features crumpling up before you burst into tears.
Jungkook laughs in fondness at the vulnerability of your reaction, wrapping a single arm around your frame.
“Th-thank you,” you sniffle, offering Taehyung a crooked smile. “Can we eat it together? I don’t want to get f-fat.”
At that, a chorus of no’s echo through the room, and you giggle a bit.
Your heart is incredibly full. Family. Friends. People who care about you. This is something your soul desires, something your soul needs.
The night meets its unfortunate end, and you stand in front of Jungkook as you bid his friends goodbye. Before the boys walk away, you find your fingers clinging onto the hem of Jimin’s oversized shirt. Before he ventures off, he turns around and graces you with an endearing look of confusion. “What’s up?”
“Can I come with you?” you spout.
“You want to sleep over at our place?” Jimin questions, gingerly scratching the back of his head.
You shake your head steadily, “I just want to talk to you,” you clarify, gazing up at him shyly. Jimin’s eyes dart towards Jungkook’s for approval and Jungkook nods his head. “Go ahead. I’ll give you guys privacy,” he pinches your cheek affectionately before closing the door. You stand on your tiptoes, peeking through the window of the apartment to ensure that Jungkook isn’t eavesdropping.
Jimin leans against the railings, observing you carefully.
You tug on the hem of Jimin’s tee, urging him to follow you to the lobby of Jungkook’s apartment. He follows in your stead, not questioning you until your actions pause. You shift around uncomfortably for a bit, and you look up at him. Taking a deep breath, you find the courage to ask him the question that’s been lingering in the back of your mind.
“Do you think Jungkook and I could ever.. be a thing?” you finally question, shifting your weight between your feet, a crimson sheen sweeping over your cheeks.
Jimin’s eyebrows pinch, and he repeatedly opens and closes his mouth, looking for the right words to say. “Like romantically?”
Your eyes cumbersomely drift towards the painting behind Jimin. “Y-yea. I really like him, and I want him to be my boyfriend- and I know he’s attracted to me but won’t act on his feelings because of his ethical qualms,” you stutter out, pursing your lips after seeing how Jimin’s face morphs into astonishment.
“Well, I don’t think Jungkook is seeing anyone right now- but Y/N, if I’m going to be totally honest, I don’t think you and Jungkook being a romantic pair would be appropriate. I mean, he’s known you since you were a kid. Even if he does like you, I don’t think he would cross those boundaries.” he very gently explains, meticulously finding the correct wording to not hurt your feelings.
You bite your lip bitterly, sinking into the realization of his assertion. “Yea, you’re right. I don’t know. I guess it’s just a stupid crush,” you dismiss your confession with a wave and offer Jimin a shy smile.
Jimin pouts at your invalidation of your own feelings. “Don’t say that. I know you’ll find someone who cherishes and loves you. Someone you deserve,” he asserts. You smile at him, nodding before he ruffles your hair and leads you back up the stairs.
Someone you love.
Would you ever find it in yourself to love anybody that wasn’t him? Jungkook has successfully monopolized your heart, your soul, your very being.
Ping!
-
Tonguing his cheek, Jungkook impatiently and abruptly brakes at a red light, accelerating rapidly when the light turns green. He changes from his casual clothes to a black sleeveless shirt, loose leather pants, and a beanie. Mingyu sits on the passenger seat, frantically typing on his laptop as Jungkook zooms down the highway at record pace.
Breaking into a frat house to terrorize some dumb college kids definitely wasn’t a part of the plan tonight, but Jungkook was down for some last minute terrorism.
“So what are you gonna do? Threaten the kid? Call the cops?”Taehyung questions from the backseat, both hands gripping on the headrest of Mingyu and Jungkook’s seats.
“Look, I’m really trying to not sound corny, but I’m going to torture him,” Jungkook enunciates, which evokes a few seconds of silence.
“This bitch-”
“He’s lost his fucking mind,” Mingyu mumbles.
Jungkook laughs to himself, amused by the comments of his friends. Jungkook is an intelligent, rational person. Normally, he wouldn’t take it this far but he deems it extremely necessary for this particular situation.
“What the- now he’s creepily laughing to himself-”
“If we tell Y/N about this she’s going to be scared of you,” Mingyu abruptly comments, shooting Jungkook a pointed look.
Jungkook pauses, seemingly deeply considering the utterance of his friend, toying with his lip ring for a while he finally makes a comment. “I won’t do anything bad. I’ll just intimidate him a little.”
His friends sigh, not pressing further on the matter because Mingyu and Taehyung were pissed off too. Instead, Mingyu rolls down the windows of the car, allowing the breeze of the cool night to consume the interior of the car.
Jungkook considers this very night a milestone in your healing process. You isolated yourself in his apartment for two consecutive weeks, your grief severely limiting your social capacity and ability to normally interact with people. His friends were privy to your situation, purposely not coming to Jungkook’s home out of respect for you. But tonight, the color that reappeared in your aura overwhelmed his heart with joy.
While you were on the couch, talking to Namjoon about something, Jungkook got an alarming text from one of your friends- Yeonjun. Jungkook is cool with your friends, but not close enough to be sending private text messages, so his eyes brows pinch in concern when he sees the notification pop up from his phone.
Mingyu’s eyes drifted towards Jungkook, who was noticeably brimming with indignation. Jungkook scoffed to himself, a macabre smirk on his lips before he laughed erratically at the message. He repeatedly wiped his face with his hand, chuckling in amusement. Jungkook discreetly passed his phone to Mingyu without a word, with Taehyung looking over his shoulder, both of them gasping at the message.
This whole time, you were oblivious to the scheme Jungkook was contriving and Jungkook intended to keep it that way. You were carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and Jungkook would cut his limbs off to lessen that burden. The indignation and resentment bubbling within him threatens to erupt because he’s so fucking pissed off.
You’re everything to him, and the thought of you being violated makes him want to indulge in his violent impulses. He can’t imagine how you would feel knowing that video spread around, and usually he would confide with you about these things but right now he needs to sweep this under the rug and make sure it never comes back up.
Luckily, he and Mingyu both have degrees in computer engineering and know how to hack into technical infrastructures.
Jungkook pulls up to the frat house, rolling the window down steadily before he rests his elbow on the ledge of the window. He sits there for a second, toying with his lip ring while his eyes bore into the interior of the house. He’s sure he looks creepy as hell- just staring into the house.
After a few minutes of waiting in silence, some guy arises from the house and approaches the car.
Jungkook keeps his lips sealed until he’s close enough to perceive his features.
“Uh is there something yall need?” the guy asks, innocently scratching the back of his head.
“Yea,” Jungkook responds, voice firm and somewhat chilling, “Your name Josh?”
“Yea? What’s up-”
Jungkook kicks the door open, knocking Josh over until he’s rolled on the floor, clutching his leg as he shrieks in pain.
“Oh shit, are we really doing this?” Taehyung mutters before joining Jungkook outside the car.
Jungkook sits on top of Josh, continuously punching the shit out of him before he spits on the kid’s face. He uses a single hand to lift him by the collar, and violently pushes him against the car. “You mad Y/N rejected you? So you pulled that shit?” Jungkook menaces, his face centimeters away from Josh’s.
Josh whimpers, crying- too horrified to coherently respond. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” he pleads, tears and snot streaming down his ugly face.
“Shut the fuck up!” Jungkook repeatedly bangs Josh against the car. “I’m gonna say this shit once and I’m not going to repeat myself,” he seethes, satisfied by the way Josh whimpers and nods his head pathetically.
“You’re not shit. You’ll never ever be good enough for Y/N. You’re the same as the shit on the bottom of my shoe,” he breathes against Josh’s face, who whimpers and cries, “If I ever see you messing with Y/N ever again- I will ruin your whole life.”
Josh nods, unable to do anything else.
“Got it?” Jungkook seethes, pushing Josh’s head against the car door.
“Got it!”
“Good. We’re going inside, and you guys are going to watch us go through all of your iClouds, and we’re going to delete every single copy of the video there is, alright?”
“Yes! Yes! That’s fine! I’m sorry!”
Jungkook scoffs in amusement at his despicable demeanor, before he throws Josh on the ground and enters the house.
“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Mingyu mumbles, following Jungkook’s lead into the house.
-
You anxiously wait for Jungkook to return home, absentmindedly toying with the Switch to distract from the hysterical thoughts frantically racing through your mind. You’ve done everything you could to distract yourself, your restless heart aching to do something of substance.
You’ve been isolating yourself from society for the past month simply because you can’t bring yourself to leave Jungkook’s home, as if it was your safe haven.
You dread the moment you have to return to your home, memories of your family coming to mind. You’ve been trying to avoid thinking about everything, and you reckon that it’s time to process everything. There are aspects of grief that you find unfathomable- questions you have that make you want to throw up.
What will happen to the home that holds the memories of your family within its walls? How will you assimilate back into society without your father, without your mother? You’re not confident that it will ever be the same, and your heart sinks into your stomach at the notion- but you have to be resilient; you have to face it.
It feels worse to avoid the reality of your life than to face it head on.
You’re pulled from your thoughts by the sound of the doorknob turning.
“Jungkook!” The way you call his name is breathless, and his eyebrows pinch in concern when you pounce on him. Nonetheless, he allows you to nuzzle into his embrace and he soothingly rubs your back- like he always does.
“Wasn’t gone that long,” Jungkook absentmindedly comments.
“I know- just missed you. I’m sorry for being clingy,” you murmur, to which Jungkook shakes his head at the absurdity of your words.
“Not at all. Stay here for as long as you want. I’ll take you with me wherever I go,” he adds, settling into the leather of his sofa. You shuffle after him like a cute little penguin, sitting your ass directly next to Jungkook despite the vacant empty space on your right side.
“Then am I allowed to sit next to you?”
Jungkook’s features crinkle up in amusement, nose scrunching as he laughs lightly at how cute you are. He pinches your cheek, “It’s one thousand dollars for every minute you’re within a five foot radius of me,” he comments, tone stoic and firm.
He doesn’t have to look in your direction to visualize the way your pretty lips fall open, swatting at his bicep for his cruel words. “Jungkook, I don’t have that money! You know I only have 35 cents in my bank account!”
“Okay, then go sit over there,” Your eyes follow the trail of his pointed finger, the corner of the room.
“Fine! You fucking asshole,” you mutter bitterly, jumping up from the couch and stomping away with a hmph, until Jungkook slyly wraps his hand around the circumference of your wrist and pulls you to him. You collapse onto the couch, your back against his chest, and your butt between his legs.
He clings onto you, almost suffocating you with the way he wraps his arms around you, grabbing his elbows as he locks his arms over your head. “‘M just kidding- you know that. I can’t survive without my baby either, y’know?”
Your chest erupts with butterflies, and you hold onto his forearm with both of your hands. “I know.”
-
The next day, you return to school. Your professors were so empathetic and understanding to the nuance and confusion of your situation, allowing you to complete your coursework from the comfort of Jungkook’s home.
Grief isn’t a linear process. Though you’ve found it in you to return to school, it’s the mundane and the typical that you’re becoming increasingly bothered by.
No one in your Philosophy class is paying attention to this movie, clearly. You can tell by the lit up screens scattered within the clusters of students, and you aren’t diligent enough to not be one of those students, doodling flowers and Snorlax’s on your paper.
For the second you do look up at the movie, your heart stops. It’s always the most mundane, irrelevant details that get to you. The scene barely occupies a minute and it makes your chest tighten in the worst way possible.
The main character walks down the wedding aisle, her arm linked with her father’s. The haunting realization settles in your system- you will never ever experience that. You begin hyperventilating, your hand crumpling the paper, and you quickly rest your forearms on the table before shoving your face into your forearms. People are already looking at you and you can’t fathom the humiliation so you stay like that until class is dismissed.
You finally lift your head, rubbing your eyes to adjust the blinding ceiling lights.
“Hey, are you okay?”
You shriek at the unexpected voice and whip your head to the left.
“Hey hey hey- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he breathes out, rolling his chair towards you before rolling back so as to not scare you further.
“No no, you’re good,” you breathe out, inhaling and exhaling to bring you down from your petrified high. “Just having a shitty day,” you explain, sweeping away the hair dried to your face by your tears.
He seems to be unable to conjure a proper response, peering at you with an empty gaze and you sink in your seat, feeling the need to further explain yourself. “Well there was that part in the movie where Emma got married, and that made me feel horrible because I recently lost my dad.. And my mom.”
“Wait, I’m sorry. You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” he articulates, “I just noticed you haven’t been in class for a while and was kinda worried when I saw you crying. I’m sorry if I pushed your boundaries.”
“You know me?”
His lips tug up in embarrassment as he gingerly scratches the back of his neck. “Well we usually sit next to each other so I thought we formed an acquaintanceship or something,” he mumbles.
“Oh I’m sorry,” you pout at him, “I usually tap out during class so I never noticed you. What’s your name by the way?” You shyly stick out your hand, and he gives you a straight lined smile before shaking your hand gently.
“Sunghoon. I-I’m really sorry for your loss by the way,” he adds, and you find his nervousness quite endearing. You shyly smile at him, and he gazes back at you with similar amity. He ever so softly pulls your wrist towards his and scribbles his number onto your forearm. “Feel free to text me if you ever need help with homework. You missed a lot of school,” he offers, and you find yourself giggling at his forth forwardness.
“Thanks Sunghoon."
-
When Jungkook returns from work that night, the first thing he’s met with is you shoving your boots on, seemingly ready for a vivacious night out. Your figure is adorned with a white satin slip on dress, and your hair is put up in an elegant updo. Jungkook pauses, eyes settling on your figure before scanning up to your face; he thinks this is the first time he’s seen you with makeup on since he wiped away the mascara running down your cheeks the day he broke the news.
“Hey daddy,” you purr, “Where have you been? The kids have been waiting for you,” you giggle, sliding your mini purse down your arm.
Jungkook narrows his eyes at you, humorously scoffing at your corny choice of words.
You giggle, skipping towards him before jumping onto him, latching around his neck before you whisper in his ear. “‘m going out with my friends, don’t wait for me to get home because I might stay the night with Yunjin.”
Jungkook stiffens, remaining frozen while you back up from him.
“So, do I look like an angel, or what?”
“Always look cute,” because despite the infesting irritation bubbling in his system, he would never not tell you how it is. You are cute, always cute, always like an angel.
“Thanks,” you giggle, skipping towards the door but before you can skip past him, he latches onto your wrist. “Wait.”
You tilt your head, slightly confused. “I bought something for you.”
He digs in his backpack and pulls it out. Nipple pasties. “You never wear a bra, so I thought you’d be safer if you put these on before you go out.”
“You were the one who said I had small tits!”
“Okay, well you still have nipples- so at least put these on to keep you safe.”
You narrow your eyes at him, but he doesn’t back down. You snatch the pasties from his hand and march into the bathroom. “Fine!”
Jungkook lounges on the couch, eyes trained on you before you bid him goodbye and skip out of his apartment. He inhales deeply to settle the erratic palpitations in his chest. He needs to stop being so protective of you.
-
Your arms linked with Yunjin, you skip around from one club to the next, dancing and partying your little hearts out. When the night comes to a close you prance to the local ramen shop around your campus. From a distance, you can already make out Jungkook casually speaking with his friends. He’s always so animated when he’s with his friends, dramatically gesturing and hip thrusting in the air while his friends laugh at his immature jokes. He’s got a cigarette between his pointer and middle finger, taking slow puffs, allowing the smoke to fill his lungs before he tilts his head to exhale a long plume of smoke into the atmosphere.
That’s right. Jungkook smokes occasionally but never lets you do it. What a hypocrite.
His eyes drift off for a second until they land on you, and his lips curl up in your presence.
“Well look, if it isn’t my favorite girl,” he teases, letting out low laughter at the way you crimson when all his friends’ heads whip in your direction.
You narrow your eyes at him, giving him a dirty look that Jungkook cooes at. Even when you were trying to intimidate him you akin to a cute Snorlax, so adorable, eyebrows pinched and lips pouted- how could he feel anything but adoration at that?
“Aw angel,” he jests, throwing your words right back at you, “Don’t ignore me, ‘m sorry for teasing you,” he catches you as you walk past him, pulling you towards his chest before resting his chin on top of your head.
He casually smiles at Yunjin. “How’s my angel been doing? Has she been behaving?”
Yunjin’s jaw drops at the bold statement and you attempt to wrestle out of his firm embrace to berate him.
Just kidding. It’s getting late, though. Do you girls need a ride home?” he asks, finally letting you go just for you to stumble out of his grip and almost land on your face, but luckily Jungkook pulls your shoulders back without even looking in your direction.
“Jungkook, it’s literally 10,” you deadpan.
“Oh c’mon, I don’t want you girls to get kidnapped or something,” he snarkily responds.
“How about you give us some money instead?” Yunjin jests, clearly joking, but Jungkook takes it so, so seriously. He raises a brow at both of you. “How much do you need?”
“Wait no- I was kidding,” Yunjin quickly clarifies, her ears becoming slightly red, “you don’t have to..”
Jungkook looks from you to her, then back at you before whipping out his phone, taking another puff of his cigarette before blowing the smoke upwards, careful so you don’t inhale any smoke.
Ping!
Your eyebrows pinch in confusion when you get a notification, and you unzip your mini purse to grab your phone, allowing the screenlight to illuminate your pretty features.
JEON JUNGKOOK HAS TRANSFERRED YOU 500 DOLLARS VIA HYBETRANSFER.
“250 each, alright?” Jungkook laughs, taking another puff of his cigarette before he saunters off, his friends pushing him around and teasing him.
“Ayo, when did Jeon turn into a sugar daddy?”
You and Yunjin are left dumbfounded, even more so when Jungkook turns around and makes kissy lips at you.
You fall to your knees.
-
The next morning is the weekend.
You absentmindedly chomp on your cereal, eyes still crusty and mind still hazy from the morning daze. Jungkook arises from his bedroom, hair still messy and sticking out in various directions- but he still looks as handsome as ever, the tired and morning glow suiting him wondrously.
“So, I’m planning a trip with my friends at the beach. We’ll stay in an AirBnb. You wanna come with?”
You pause, features crinkling up in confusion. “Which friends? The ones from last night or Mingyu and them?”
“Mingyu, Tae, Jimin, Namjoon,” he counts off, before shrugging, “I already planned to take you with me so it’s not like you have a choice anyways.”
You scoff to yourself in amusement. “Aren’t you being too forceful?”
Jungkook narrows his eyes and graces you with a look of skepticism. “So you don’t want to go? or..”
“No!” you rapidly interject as you shoot up, clearing your throat and regaining your composure at the way Jungkook smirks at you.
You settle back into your seat. “I do want to go,” you exhale, “but do I have to pay for my own room or something? I’m broke.”
“Oh, I was just gonna have you stay in my room,” Jungkook responds, trailing off as he tries to detect any trace of apprehension on your features, “Is that alright with you?”
You don’t even realize you’re holding your breath until you breathlessly exhale. “That’s perfect.”
So that’s how you found yourself at the beach, in nothing but your black bikini, prancing around the waves with Taehyung.
“Jungkook watch!” you call as you swivel around towards Jungkook, who’s applying sunscreen to his legs, not really paying attention to what you were doing.
You stand in front of the upcoming wave, holding your arms out as if you were going to embrace the wave. “I’m going to stand against the wave!”
At that, Jungkook whips his head upwards, eyebrows pinching in worry as he shoots up. “Tae! Get her! She’s gonna get swept in by-“
And on cue, the wave collapses over you and you tumble into the unwelcoming water. “Motherfuck-“ You thrash and scream, powerless against the unforgiving currents until a pair strong arms pull you from your armpits and drags you to the sand.
“Holy shit Y/N, are you alright?” Taehyung asks, crouching beside you as he pats your back, allowing you to cough the water up.
“Y/N that was so dumb,” you hear Jungkook’s voice as he approaches you, crouching beside you as he hands you his black steel water bottle. “Take a sip,” he urges, and you nod shakily, grasping the bottle with both hands before you take a sip from it.
“I’m okay. Thanks for saving me Taehyung,” you smile at him and he releases a sigh of relief. “You scared the shit out of us!”
You gulp down the water and close the cap, returning his bottle to him. “Sorry, I won’t do that again, but can we get back to playing now?” you smile as you playfully fling a ball of wet sand at Jungkook.
Jungkook closes his eyes on impact, scoffing in amusement before he grabs you by your legs, signalling Taehyung to grab your arms before they both lift you and run into the ocean.
-
Jungkook waits outside your shared room, knuckles softly knocking on the wooden door. A towel loosely wrapped around his lower waist, water drips from every crevice on his body, but he can’t enter until you’re done changing.
“Oki! I’m done!” you call out, opening the door for him, a towel in your hand as you use it to scrunch up your damp hair.
“Wow. You’re really muscular,” you giggle, fingers hovering over his abs before you look up at him for approval to feel, to which he gently pushes your head aside and waltzes into the room.
When he’s done changing he beckons you back to the room, and you plop in the king sized bed, belly down and legs swinging back and forth in the air.
Jungkook lies down beside you, resting his head on the pillow as he scrolls aimlessly on his phone, only looking over when he hears your ringtone go off.
You answer the call almost immediately.
“Oh hey Sunghoon!” you greet, shooting up from the bed to touch up your appearance in the facetime camera.
Sunghoon. Jungkook knows all your friends and he hasn’t heard that name before.
“Hey Y/N, how’s your vacation going?” Sunghoon asks, and you take a seat at the desk, propping your phone up against the wall. You twirl an idle piece of hair around your fingers. “It’s really fun here, I feel great,” you explain, “so what’s up?”
“You look like you’re having fun- wait, is there someone in the room with you?”
You rapidly turn around and look at Jungkook, then tilt your phone at an angle where he isn’t visible. “Oh, he’s just a family friend, do you want me to go somewhere more private?”
“Oh no that’s cool, I was just wondering but I called to ask you about the homework…”
A family friend? Jungkook scowls at that. Wordlessly, he breezes past you and exits the room, closing the door and sits next to Jimin on the couch.
Jimin takes a few moments to acknowledge Jungkook’s presence. “Hey, is there anything going on between you and Y/N?” Jimin finally asks, eyebrows furrowing in concern when he perceives Jungkook’s sour face.
Jungkook pauses. “Why are you asking?”
Jimin shrugs. “I don’t know. Don’t you know she has a crush on you? Isn’t it inappropriate for you two to be sharing a room?” Jimin continues, nudging Jungkook with his elbow.
At that, Jungkook buries his face into his palms. He’s let this go on for far too long. “I know,” Jungkook murmurs, voice projection muffled by his hands.
“You know? The other day she asked me if it was possible between you two and I straight up told her that you wouldn’t go for it.”
Jungkook remains wordless at that, and he thinks he’s developed an idea of the reality of the situation.
Jungkook was too scared to address the subject with you; he let it linger for far too long. He didn’t want to burden you with anything else besides what you already had on your plate, and you got in your head about it. He never explicitly stated that he more than reciprocates your feelings, leaving you dangling on a string.
He’s going to fix that.
“No Jimin, that’s not it,” Jungkook clarifies, wiping his face with his palms. “I like her too, and I’m going to tell her tonight,” he states firmly, slightly craning his head to gauge Jimin’s reaction. His reaction isn’t what Jungkook expected. Instead of a look of concern, worry, or horror, Jimin looks over the moon.
“Well shit! I wish I knew that before! You guys look perfect together!” he exclaims before eagerly patting Jungkook on the back.
Jungkook raises his eyebrows at his friend. “Really? Don't you think I should wait a little longer? Until she's ready?”, to which Jimin simply shakes his head.
“Y/N's an adult. She can handle herself. I thought you wouldn't go for it because of the age gap, though. I guess I shouldn't have told her that," he says gingerly, scratching the back of his head. ”Sorry Kook."
Jungkook doesn't say anything, seemingly in deep contemplation. "It used to bother me,” Jungkook clarifies, "but it doesn't anymore."
“So what’s wrong with it?"
That’s right. There is nothing wrong with it.
-
A cool night on the beach. You feel the cool breeze through your air, the lunar radiance of the moon illuminating the beach. You’re adorned in a lovely, summer-esque two piece set with floral patterns running along the fabric, The top piece is cropped and strapless, exposing your collar bones and belly button piercing, and the bottom piece is a long, flowy skirt that blows marvelously against the wind.
You gingerly step outside the beach house, enjoying the cool sensation of the night breeze. The guys are all hanging out in the yard, soju bottles and beer cans scattered on the wooden benches positioned on the beach. Namjoon and Jimin are posted up on the benches, chowing down on meat whilst engaging in pretty animated conversation. You spot Mingyu and Taehyung running around the beach, slapping each other and chasing after each other, their dirty heels slipping against the coarse sand.
Jungkook is stationed at the grill, frying meat for his friends. His tall and built figure is concealed by his loose black T-shirt and black sweat shorts that you have worn a few times during your extended stay at his place.
You creep up behind him, swiping away the stray hairs that the wind blew into your face. Tapping him lightly on the back, you coyly skmile at him, a bashful glow illuminating your face.
Jungkook sensed your presence the moment stepped foot from the house, but still acts like it’s the first time he’s ever seen you. He does a double take, eyes scanning up and down your face and body- you look so lovely and elegant in your little two piece set. “Hey,” Jungkook finally returns your greeting, a little breathless.
“Can I have some?” you ask, pointing to the grill.
“Uh yea, I actually made a plate for you a second ago,” Jungkook takes the prepared plate of your favorite meats, but pauses before he hands it to you. He hasn’t a clue if you’re doing this on purpose, but you’re looking at him with the sultriest of eyes, and it drives him crazy. His Adam’s Apple bobs in his throat, and he collects himself before handing you the plate.
You tilt your head, sending him a look of confusion at his hesitance, but Jungkook sees it as a gateway to talk to you. “Y/N, can we talk? Like now?” Jungkook asks, rubbing at the nape of his neck.
“Sure, what about?” you solicit, setting the plate on the table.
Jungkook immediately shoves his hands in his pockets, and motions his head towards the beach, obliging you to follow him. “About what you told me at your house..” he trails off, “that one time in the middle of the night,” he adds.
He perceives the way your features morph into embarrassment, so he decides to take the lead on this conversation. He approaches you, standing beside you momentarily before smoothly lacing his fingers through yours. “Let’s go.”
Unable to conjure a proper response, you follow his footsteps in silence until your bodies appear as distant figures by the ocean. With your toes kissing the water washing up on shore, he turns back to look at you, fingers still intertwined. But you stop him before he can open his mouth.
“Wait- Jungkook. Let me explain myself first,” you begin, thankful that the night sky conceals the obvious bashful glow on your cheeks.
Jungkook who is seemingly expressionless nods his head, signaling you to let your words out.
You gently pull your hand from his, twiddling with your fingers before you can speak. “Firstly, I just wanna apologize.. to you,” you begin, ignoring the way his nose scrunches in confusion, “I feel like you’ve been so good to me- you always take care of me. Your family is the only family I have left,” you continue, bashfully tucking an idle strand of hair behind your ear.
“So I’m sorry for forcing myself on you, and I’m sorry for mistaking your care towards me as romantic affection,” you continue, subconsciously gesticulating with your hands. “I know you said you don’t like it when girls are clingy but I’ve been nothing but clingy, and you still take care of me and care about me.” Your words are passionate, and they’re true. “Everyone told me that a relationship with you would be inappropriate.. but I was too persistent and too selfish. I’m so sorry Kook. You must’ve been so shocked when I yelled at you and when I.. opened that shower curtain,” you finish, shaking your head in embarrassment.
When you finally complete the sentiment, you tilt your head upwards to gauge his reaction. His eyebrows pinch in confusion, and his mouth is slightly agape. “What?” he asks breathlessly, eyebrows pinching even further. He runs a tired hand over his face. “Y/N- just- I can’t believe you said that. Y/N, I love you. And I don’t care if you’re clingy, and I don’t care what anybody else thinks of us.”
You gasp at his words, a profound sense of emotion absolutely overwhelming you.
“What I care about is what you think of me, and whether you’re happy,” His fingers find yours, and he holds your hand and looks right into your eyes to properly convey his sincerity. “Y/N, I’m so sorry for not telling you sooner. You were just going through so much shit and I didn’t know if you were in the right headspace or if you were even serious about how you felt for me-”
He stops when you yank your hands away from him, using the back of your hands to wipe the tears streaming down your face. The shapes of his eyes turn into little crescents, petrified at your reactions. He removes your hands from your face, holding your wrists.
“Y/N, don’t cry. Please say something.”
“Jungkook, it’s too late. I-I don’t think I can do this- with you- I mean,” is all you’re able to say and Jungkook’s chest tightens impossibly.
His heart drops to your stomach, a crestfallen expression morphing onto his handsome features. “I-is that how you really feel?”
Another tear streams down your face and Jungkook itches to wipe it but suppresses that urge.
“I love you Jungkook. I do. I really do!” you cry out, “But I can’t date you, ever. I never want to lose you,” you sob between sniffles. “I’ve made up my mind. I’m sure of it!”
The situation is bitterly ironic. Jungkook spent months tiptoeing around his feelings, your feelings, because he wanted to ensure he was what you wanted. Even when you blatantly threw yourself at him, he made the conscious decision to not pursue you. He spent months deciding your feelings for you- and now you’re telling him you don’t want him and he can’t do anything but accept it.
“Y/N, you’ll never lose me. I’ll always be here. Even if you change your mind.. I’ll always be here.”
“Jungkook, I lost my whole family. You’re all I have left,” you explain, trailing off a little bit, “If I lose you then I have nobody.”
“No, I swear- Y/N, you’re it for me, and I mean it.”
You sniffle, wiping your cheeks, eyes, and nose once more. “What- hiccup- does that mean?”
“It means… whatever you want it to mean,” he concludes.
“Jungkook…” you trail off, “Don’t wait for me. If you find a girl you like, then you should go for her. All I want is for you to be happy. It’s what you deserve,” you offer him a soft smile, a direct juxtaposition to your tear stained cheeks.
His chest tightens at that and he shakes his head. “You’ll always be my priority. Me? I’ve dated enough girls, I can be single for the rest of my life.”
You immediately swat his chest at the sentiment. “No, Jungkook. You should be with someone who takes care of you, not someone you have to take care of all the time. I’ll just always be your family friend who had a stupid crush on you in college.” Your attempt to lighten the atmosphere is futile and makes Jungkook’s scowl deepen.
“You’re more than that to me. You’ll always be.” His hand latches onto yours, and you pull yourself from him.
“No Jungkook.. I’ve made up my mind. I really don’t think we could ever…” When your voice breaks and more tears accumulate in your waterline, Jungkook stops you, not wanting to cause you any more pain.
“I got it, Y/N. But just know I’ll always be here… in any way you’ll take me.”
READ PART 2 HERE
taglist: @babycandy111 @jk97bam @bellagrayson-wayne @honeeybunneey (can't be tagged), @talyaaas-blog , @jjeonjjk7 , @lovingkoalaface , @rvck0lover (can't be tagged), @kissyfacekoo , @dontcribuyabag (can't be tagged), @ash07128 , @cinnamonbambii , @jeon-ruby , @starlight-1010 , @hellbornsworld , @dodoneck, @papiibuprofen , @canyon-lwt , @appleh4ad , @screamertannie , @jeonjenny (can't be tagged), @ahgasegotarmy116 , @badaismygf (can't be tagged), @oopscoop , @gabsrecs , @hiii-priestess , @junniesoleilkth (can't be tagged) , @caro134340lina , @ellesalazar
#jungkook fanfic#jungkook fanfiction#bts jungkook fanfic#jungkook scenarios#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#bts jungkook angst#jungkook fic#jungkook imagines#jungkook drabbles#jungkook series#bts fanfic#bts scenarios#bts imagines
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pac/pap: how can you rejuvenate yourself this spring
take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.
last pac/pap: what awaits you at the end of the rainbow and how can you follow the path to abundance?
want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!
pile one
it is time to hit a rest button - it is not too late for you to begin again. take inventory of life right now. what needs to go in your life? when you identify these things, habits, and people, realize that now is the time to declutter. keeping these things, habits, and people in your life is just holding you back and sabotaging you from living your best life.
now is the time to be more empathetic, compassionate and emotionally intelligent - start with yourself first and foremost. life is hard and at the end of the day it is just you against the world, so be kind and protect yourself. create boundaries to protect yourself from others who are trying to disturb your peace.
lead others and be a voice of authority and stability in the tough times ahead. try your best to remain calm and hold your ground. rely on your instincts to be mature and confident around others that might try to knock you down. now might be the time for you to take a trip so that you can cool off and get away from situations that might be negatively effecting you.
pile 2
celebrate everything you can. reflect on where you are in life and what you have achieved - celebrate it. the more you show enthusiasm, the more you will find yourself feeling pleased in life. you have to balance all that hard work someway, so do so in a way that brings you joy (shop, go out, take a trip, etc).
this the spring is an end of something and the start of something entirely new. let it end - allow yourself to see everything that has happened as a lesson (nothing is without purpose). peace is coming so just practice some gratitude in the meantime, and you will find yourself in a better spot. start making space for new things.
you are fighting for your happiness, but i feel like more and more challenges and obstacles are bound to arise. be assertive and strategic instead of defensive. show courage in the face of adversity. listen to your intuition during this time - the storm isn't over yet. focus only on what you can control and do so with grace.
pile 3
now is the time to be a bit more confident in yourself - you need to trust that you are capable of anything. have faith in the universe that it will protect you as you begin to live life more authentically and in the way you wish to. don't hesitate, don't worry about looking weak, and be comfortable with being vulnerable.
self-reflecting is a good thing but i get the sense that you might a bit too hard on yourself. release yourself from these harsh judgments - you aren't perfect, no one is so accept things that you view as faults/wrongdoings and move on. it does you no good to be too self-critical. look at spring as if this a new beginning - nothing from your past needs to be connected too you. begin again with a new outlook on life.
take breaks when you need them. you are hard on yourself so please take any chances you can to calm your mind and try out some introspection in regards to the pervious paragraph. are you creating your own stress and anxiety? meditation and sleep might be the cure - so rest, self-reflect, breathe, and calm yourself.
#astrology#astro community#astrology tumblr#daily tarot#tarot witch#tarot art#rider waite tarot#tarot deck#tarot reading#tarot cards#tarot#tarotblr#tarotcommunity#tarotdaily#pick a pile#pick a picture#pick a photo#pick a card
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For the sibling one with Coriolanus snow, you could do one like in the future with Katniss and sibling, not knowing anything that's been going on?
Or
Like it's when he's President and sibling wants to get married?
Hey Everyone!
IMPORTANT (Please Read)
Thank you so much for all of the love of the platonic yandere Coriolanus! I thought this idea was exciting so I wanted to build off of the idea of it going into Katniss's time as suggested by some readers. But, I did not want the reader to be as old as they would be if it were to take place at the correct time canonically.
So I am going to move the time forward a little bit to where a part of it will take place during Catching Fire. It would usually be 65 years in the future with CF being the 75th Hunger Games but I am going to make it take place on the 25th making the reader only 15 years older. I was imagining them being 5 or 6 years old so I am going to say they are 20 when it gets to that part.
Sorry for that entire big explanation, just did not want to confuse anyone and just pretend it worked out with the timeline.
My Little Snowflake (Part 2)
Platonic Yandere Coriolanus Snow x Little Sister Reader
Female Pronouns
Word Count: 2.2k
Warnings: Obsessive behavior, manipulating, normal Hunger Games warnings
Click Below For The Other Parts <3
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3?
Coriolanus wasn't expecting everything to change as it did. But it was almost... nice. He was able to spend entire days with his little sister whenever he finished training or the peacekeepers were doing mental training, which he had already mastered through the academy. On the days he had to do training he locked Y/N in the room through an outside lock.
"It is for your safety Y/N, you don't want to be taken away from me, do you? There are evil people out there, savages.”
"Then why'd you bring me?" She asked genuinely curious. Her Grand'mam and cousin were probably lonely without her, she also missed them. Even if Coriolanus was her main family it didn't discount them any less. He gave her a forced sympathetic look.
"I couldn't imagine my years without you Y/N. I love you. You're my little sister, my snowflake." He picked her up and held her close as a few forced tears fell from his eyes.
The thing was Y/N was very empathetic. She worried about everyone and everything feelings, from her classmates to a small bug. Which meant Coriolanus crying was going to make her cry, he was her older brother after all.
She started crying a little as he comforted her "I love you too Corio, I am just scared. I don't want to leave you, I promise I'll stay here." she spoke in a watered voice as she held up a pinky for a pinky promise. He wrapped his around tight as he kissed her forehead.
Within a few days of being there he found Lucy Grey.
The peacekeepers went to The Hob to have some time off and a little fun, which had different meanings for different people. Coriolanus didn't even get close to the alcohol, he was not giving that sort of impression to his sister and he wanted to have full control over himself so he could best protect Y/N.
That's when she went on stage and they saw each other. Lucy Grey liked him, but all he saw was a means to an end as he thought of how he could use her to watch over his sister.
Even when a fight broke loose, he did not join in, he picked up his sister before pushing her head into his neck to hide her eyes from the brutality.
When he went to find her in the forest, he brought Y/N.
Lucy was singing a song when she heard a twig snap behind her making her turn around quickly.
"Sorry... Instincts from the games." She looked down and saw a little girl hiding behind his leg. Lucy Grey was always adept to little kids, their eyes shone differently than adults. They were innocent. Bending down she made a show of peeking around him to see her. "and who is this little lady?"
"My little sister Y/N." Lucy Grey looked up at him with a shocked look. Not because he had a little sister, of course, that was all he talked about when they mentioned their families to each other, but the fact he would subject her to the fate of living in the districts with little money and no one to watch her.
Y/N peaked around and smiled at the girl, remembering what she's heard and been told of the songbird.
From that day on when Corio had peacekeeper training, Y/N would stay with Lucy. It was rare he would allow someone to watch over her without him present but the idea of someone entering the room or her without supervision wore on his mind.
Sure Sejanus had followed him to District 12 but he wasn't allowing his sister to stay alone, He was worried about ideals he would place into her head.
He told Lucy that his family wouldn't watch over her and since he was sent out here they made her go with him. Lucy usually was really good at detecting lies but to him. this wasn't a lie. e didn't trust his family to watch over her without him.
It was one of Lucy Grey’s days to watch her and they went out to the lake to pick flowers to make crowns out of.
“So what’s your favorite color darlin' ?” She asked the little girl as they crouched by each other picking the prettiest flowers of the bunch.
“White! Like Corio hair and our white roses!” She said giggling after all it wasn’t completely white. But then she saw a flower close to the same white “Like this!”
Lucy nearly swooned at the adorable child. It was hard to image that she was the sibling of Coriolanus Snow, the man who is so focused on surviving the world around him he forgets to live.
“Were you.. excited to come with your brother?” Trying to gage her reaction, making sure Y/N was okay when she wasn’t around.
“I do miss Tigres! And Grand’mam but Corio wanted me to come with him. I don’t remember leaving…” Y/N trailed off but her mind instantly got distracted by a little white flower.
Lucy Grey was confused about how the girl didn’t remember leaving the Capital but shook it off as a child’s memory. After all she had no reason to suspect otherwise.
But if she looked into it more, she could’ve seen all of the signs.
~*~
When the opportunity came to return to District 2. Coriolanus did not hesitate. Sure he would lose out on someone watching Y/N but it was a safer district and by now she was used to being in the room. She wouldn't disobey her big brother either by attempting to leave it. he knew best after all.
But he still needed to pass some tests. Things to ensure his loyalty. Why have many little tasks when they can be done in 1?
Sejanus was communicating with rebels, forming a plan to leave the Districts and live on their own beyond the walls of Panem. Sadly, he wasn't very sleek about it nor could he leave without telling his 'best friend'.
He suggested that Coriolanus come with. Bring Y/N and live freely without hurting anyone.
"Do not pull me into this. Rebels almost killed me with that bombing, or do you not remember?"
"Come on Corio! This is bigger than us. If you won't go what about Y/N? A kid does not need to grow up in the Capital watching others kill each other in a so called 'game'. Is that what you want for her?
That was Sejanus's mistake. Questing is protection and love for his sister.
It made his decision for him and he ended the recording on the jabber jay the second he declined the offer leading to Sejanus walking away.
Corio put Dr. Gaul's name on the box and sent it off with a weight off his shoulders. If this did not prove his loyalty to the Capital, they were stupid. He just caught a traitor. Maybe some indirectly but, one from its own walls.
That marked 3 killed by his doing.
When it was time to leave he gave some thought out spiel to Lucy Grey. He wouldn't make an enemy out of her if it was not needed. Sure she was hurt since she had practically fallen in love with the boy and his darling little sister but Lucy being Lucy knew the hold his little sister had on his heart. She wouldn't want to hold him back from getting her somewhere safer and to him that meant the Capital.
After he left Lucy Grey was never seen again. She did not tell him she was leaving or where. So he had no reason to accuse her of being a traitor.
Leaving them to part nicely.
-Time Skip 5 Years-
It was now the 15th Annual Hunger Games. Technology had greatly advanced throughout the years leading to an even better arena, one that wouldn't be easily blown up.
Coriolanus was working to prove himself so he was still residing under Dr. Gaul. He had forbidden her from watching the games. He didn’t want the violence harbored in her young mind. But he wasn’t there to stop her.
He was overseeing the interviews and the games, leaving Y/N home with Tigres and Grand’mam. When the game interviews started, they begun watching on the projector with her sneaking out of her room just enough to see it without them seeing her.
That’s when she saw the tribute from district 4.
Finnick Odair.
He was the youngest in the game at only 14 years old.
Y/N instantly had a little crush. She was only 10 so it wasn’t like it was true love, but his charm was noticeable to her and sadly the rest of the capital.
Tigres felt sympathy for the boy, the idea of it being Coriolanus harboring in her mind but now all she can picture of him, is his father.
When the games began and bets were made. No one could predict the outcome.
Especially not Y/N as Tigres noticed her sneaking out of her room and made her go back inside, not wanting to deal with the wrath of Coriolanus nor did she think Y/N should be seeing this at her age.
Somehow Finnick won. Making him the youngest Victor in the Hunger Games.
Of course, the lavish capital had a party for the elites after the games commenced. The idea of 23 deaths had not even crossed their minds.
Coriolanus went to build connections and Y/N begged him to go with.
"No Y/N, I'm sorry. It is too dangerous." He said trying to convince her in a way that worked many years ago.
"Please! I really want to get dressed up like you! I wanna see what you do" She begged and pleaded and Coriolanus hated seeing her sad. He almost missed those days back in the districts where Y/N was only his. But, the proud big brother in him was proud of how she's grown.
"Fine, but you're staying by my side the entire time. Swear?" He said holding out a pinkie. He found it silly after all it does nothing to prevent someone from breaking the promise but to his little sister it was sacred law and luckily it worked out for him.
Y/N squealed excitedly before linking pinkies and hugging him tightly as she profusely thanked him.
"Tigres, come to get Y/N ready. She is coming with," Coriolanus called out.
~*~
The party was as expected. It was decorated to the point someone would call it crowded. Avoxes were bringing hors d’oeuvres and drinks while the Capital was dressed classy but slightly over the top.
It didn’t matter that the winner was 14, it was a party made for the adults. Especially the game makers and everyone who had anything to do with them. Even the egotistical sponsors.
Coriolanus and Y/N walked in hand in hand as he made a small show about holding it out to her. She giggle enjoyably as they walked down velvet steps.
Coriolanus was talking to everyone, getting their name and status indirectly as he talked to them. One would think they would spill their darkest moment if they were left alone with him.
Even then not once did he let go of his little sister’s hand.
That’s when it came it Finnick. Coriolanus did not like the victor’s or anyone related to the districts. To him they were traitors and monsters. (If only he would look in the mirror).
So when they approached Coriolanus was on alert.
“Finnick Odair, newest Víctor. Tell me, what are you going to do with the money you were oh so graciously given?”
Finnick was calm and composed as if had been dealing with the Capital his entire life. Their questions and stares not even resulting in a mild flinch.
“Bring it back to my family of course.”
Y/N stood next to Corio, with a bashful grin as she stared at the boy. She had never imagined being this close to him.
“And who is she?” Finnick asked politely looked down at the girl who turned bright red at the attention. He simply found her adorable. Nothing bad about it.
“My little sister.” Corio replied as he lightly pushed Y/N behind him seeing the look that was reciprocated through the two even if it wasn’t known to the other. “We should be going now, I’m sure Mr. Plinth would like to talk to you.” He turned and began walking away as Y/N’s bracelet slipped off right at Finnick’s feet. He grabbed it cautiously as if he’d be attacked for holding it but nobody noticed and Y/N certainly didn’t mind after returning to the Capital with the money from Coriolanus’s win, she had more than enough jewelry.
He attempted to give it back but she was no where to be seen as her and Coriolanus left. He was angry and he was good at handling his emotions outwardly but he knew he was a fuse ready to blow when it came to his little snowflake.
Finnick kept the bracelet in his pocket, bringing it everywhere to go to remind him of the goodness in this world. Not expecting to ever see her again.
That was until the 25th Hunger Games, The Quarter Quell.
Taglist:
@dakotali
@repostingmyfavs
#coriolanus snow#coriolanus x you#coriolanus snow x reader#coriolanus x reader#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#the hunger games#ballad of songbirds and snakes#lucy gray baird#hunger games#Yandere#platonic yandere#platonic
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I have thoughts about the clip and especially about Fang and generally all of the scene so yeah, an analysis-like tangent full of spoilers below cut
Out of the entire crew, I think Fang and Frenchie (especially Fang) are literally the best people to recieve comfort from. It's double true for Izzy.
Not only do they have like. The least invasive and violent trauma out of the crew, but they're both very empathetic and want to help others in distress. Even when that person isn't a particular ray of sunshine... like Izzy.
It also makes sense for Fang to be the main comforter. He knows Izzy. He's known him for a long while. And he's known Blackbeard for a long while too.
Watching him from the beginning of the clip, he seems to be the first one to notice Izzy's not feeling great. Far before the others do!
This is the first we directly see Fang in the clip and yeah he looks surprised that they're throwing loot overboard - as you should be but... even more than that he looks ALARMED. He knows something's up.
After listening to Izzy for a few seconds he is completely sure something's up. He checks in with Frenchie to know if he's seeing it too. We don't know where Frenchie is looking, but I'd assume he reciprocates the look.
Izzy stops mid-sentence. That's not like him. The others will have noticed it too now. Sure enough, here's Jim, thoroughly confused and/or taken aback at least.
Fang protection mode ACTIVATE! His first thought is to ask how Izzy's doing (i am so soft for them oh my god-) and to touch him - reassure him. Ground him.
we then get a "I'm fine, unhand me" which Fang does, to give Izzy some space and checks in again with a "you really don't seem fine". He waits for Izzy's response. He wants to make SURE Izzy's okay, or rather, is patiently waiting for him to admit that he's not.
The others join in saying that they've noticed. They've noticed how destructive his relationship with Ed is. I can't even imagine what's running through Izzy's mind at this moment. Probably like a waterfall of emotion - shame and anger and sadness and everything is too much - he's soon to break. He's trying so hard to hold it back, but he can't. He can't, when the truth is being thrown directly at his face by his own crewmates.
Frenchie comments "he's cut off at least two more of your toes hasn't he?" and Izzy almost flinches at that sentence. He quivers. That's his breaking point. And I. have to stop a bit to look at the implications of this. Form this scene at least, I understood taht when Izzy fails to make the crew follow orders, he gets physically punished. As we heard earlier: "It is your job to f-" *he stops, he shakes slightly* he's thinking about the consequences of them not following his orders - more of his toes cut off. That's horrifying. I'd start crying too, jesus...
Fang knows it's his breaking point and goes back to comfort him - even forcing it a bit on him, because he knows Izzy will struggle, but needs it. God, does he need it. He's always pushing people away, but Fang won't let him this time. He won't let himself be pushed away, because he cares. And he wants to show Izzy that he cares. So he persists.
And after only a few seconds of a very feeble struggle, Izzy accepts it. He's been strong for so long. He's been brave and hurting and isolated and repressed for so. So long. And he needs to let go. And he does. He whimpers. He sounds like a puppy who's been kicked. And he is. He is a puppy. A puppy that's been severely hurt and doesn't WANT to be hurt anymore. (god, i am weak at the knees, someone call the ambulace, i think i'm dying)
Frenchie steps in as secondary comfort to show that Izzy's really not alone in this and that none of them actually hate him. Even if he thinks he deserves it. Not even Stede's former crew hate him. That's what Frenchie represents here - to me. Fang and frenchie together show him that love isn't meant to hurt so much. It's not meant to be like this. And they also ground him in that moment. Izzy looks at Frenchie several times as he whimpers, perhaps checking in - seeing if Frenchie leaves after seeing him weak. But he doesn't. He stayes and he waits for Izzy to be okay and I think that means the world to Izzy. It means the world to me too. Izzy deserves all the comfort by this point.
Also I want to throw Edward overboard.
11/10 i need Izzy to have more hugs
#boooo edward! booo!!!#how dare he#ofmd#ofmd spoilers#ofmd season 2 spoilers#ofmd 2#izzy my baby my puppy <3#hurt/comfort#emotional hurt/comfort#whump#emotional whump#izzy hands#ofmd izzy
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It will never not be funny to me how HBO always portrays the Targaryens in ways that force us to feel sad/empathetic to them, as if they're the tragic martyrs of the story. When Daenerys died the most sad soundtrack in the world was playing in the background and I was just watching that like: oh, am i supposed to feel sad right now? This woman just burned thousands of inoccents with no remorse and I should feel... sad... because SHE died?
I already can see Ramin Djawadi making the saddest soundtracks for moments when something bad happens to the targs in HOTD season 2 and I know i'll be watching that shit rolling my eyes, "oh no, the inbred corrupt monarchs are being killed, the tragedy 😭 oh and now their nuclear bombs shaped like flying lizards that they use for terrorizing and destroying entire cities are dying too noooo thats too much violence 😭 XD
#anti house targaryen#anti targ stans#anti team black#anti team green#house of the dragon#rant#ramin djawadi
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Never Say Never
Chapter 3
Pairing: SingleDad!StevexReader
Summary: You are a 32 year old single mother, raising your seven year old son on your own. After being widowed at 30 and going out on awful dates with disgusting men for the past month, you have decided that you're giving up. You already had your great love. One person can't possibly get lucky enough to have two in their lifetime. But then your son starts playing baseball and the coach might just change your mind about that.
No posting schedule.
18+ only for eventual smut
Word Count: 7.1K
1 2
“Jeremiah and I are going to build a fort when I spend the night,” Eli told you from the back seat as you drove him to school. This sleepover tomorrow was all he had been able to talk about all morning. “He said his daddy builds the most epic forts that take up the whole living room and he’s gonna ask him if he’ll build us one. And we’re going to watch Scooby Doo and the Alien Invaders. And Jeremiah has a Gameboy and he said he’s going to let me play on it! I think I’m going to ask Santa for a Gameboy this Christmas!”
“Wow,” you replied, smiling to yourself as your eyes darted to the rearview mirror, relishing the excitement on your son’s face. “Well, Christmas is pretty far away, buddy, but you save that idea.”
“Well, Christmas is way closer than my birthday now because that already happened and I have to wait a whole ten months for my birthday to come again but Christmas is only eight months away.”
“You’re right. Christmas is closer.”
“Yeah, and the Easter bunny doesn’t bring stuff like Gameboys. He just brings some candy and small stuff.”
“That’s right. I think asking Santa for it is a really good idea.” Plus, that would give you some time to save up for it. You made good money but working off of a single income meant you started saving for Christmas long before the holiday arrived.
“Yeah, I think so too,” your son replied, his little face serious. “Maybe I’ll start working on my list so it’s all ready. Oh! And Jeremiah said that we can ask his dad if we can go for a night walk. They take their flashlights and Miles and walk around in the dark! Isn’t that cool?”
“The coolest! That all sounds pretty amazing, buddy. You’re going to have the best time.”
“I know! And we get to spend the whole day together! We have baseball and then we’re going to get ice cream and then I’m sleeping at his house. It’s going to be the best day of my whole life!”
You laughed, “Well, that’s a pretty big statement. You still have a lot of life yet to go, but I am sure it will be the best day of your seven years so far.”
Turning into the drop-off line, you waved to Ms. Lincoln, Eli’s kindergarten teacher, who was standing to the side, greeting the kids as they came in. She’d been so vital to Eli that year. He’d lost his dad just a couple months into the year and she’d been so empathetic and kind to him. You would forever be grateful for the way she’d helped your son navigate such a confusing and awful time.
It had been difficult for Eli to understand the permanence of what had happened, especially when his dad being gone for a long period of time was not unusual. He continually asked when Justin was coming home, each inquiry another ice pick straight into your chest, when you would have to explain, again, that daddy couldn’t come home this time. He couldn’t ever come home again.
Ms. Lincoln had taken a special interest in him, knowing his love of superheroes, something that had come about because you had told him once that his daddy was one. Eli envisioned his dad like Superman, saving people’s lives, which wasn’t entirely untrue. His teacher was the one who encouraged him to draw. That was when he’d created Master Marine, a superhero with blond hair and blue eyes just like his dad that swooped in and saved the day, defeating the bad guys.
Every single time a new picture made its way onto your fridge, you would battle back the darkness. The darkness that sat just to the side, waiting to swallow you whole. The darkness you fought every morning, knowing you had to get up, knowing you had to keep moving or you would become stuck. And you couldn’t become stuck because your son needed you.
He needed you to be his mother, needed you to be strong and show him that everything was okay, needed you to keep going to your job so you had a place to live and food to eat. So as much as those pictures used to tear you up, take whatever pieces you'd managed to tape back together and run them through the shredder each time they appeared, you knew they were helping your son cope. Even his therapist had said art was an excellent outlet for him. So, when he would present you with a new one, Master Marine saving a young child that looked just like Eli from a bully at school or saving a woman with your hair and eyes from an evil mastermind, you would smile and gush about how amazing it was, sticking it to the fridge with a magnet.
“Bye mommy!” Eli yelled as you moved up to the front of the school, one of the fourth grade teachers opening the back door for him.
“Bye buddy. Have a good day. I love you!”
“Love you too!”
He turned back and waved to you over his shoulder before disappearing into the red brick building, his Batman backpack bobbing on his back. You turned out of the school and onto the road, heading for your favorite coffee shop.
You had a rare Friday off and you were starting it off by meeting Janice for coffee, a little ritual you had whenever you had a weekday off. It didn’t happen often but when it did, you savored every single moment of it. Your life was a constant cycle of work, running errands, doing household chores, and being a mom. To have six hours of time where no one required anything from you was a gift, one you didn’t get very often, and one you never took for granted.
Some people might use that extra day to catch up on household chores or run errands. But you didn’t, not if you could help it. You used that time to meet your friend, enjoying a slow coffee that you could savor instead of inhaling it just to get the caffeine to kick in. You used it to actually sit down and read a book or lay on the couch and watch tv shows you couldn’t ever watch when Eli was around. The laundry and the messy house would still be there tomorrow. The grocery store wouldn’t cease to exist if you didn’t go today.
Opening up the door to Brewed Awakening, you instantly felt like you were home, the atmosphere always so warm and welcoming. June, the owner, a woman around your age with long black hair and startling green eyes, waved from behind the counter. You waved back, inhaling the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee, already feeling that zing of energy, as if your body knew what was coming and was preparing for it.
You had been coming here for coffee since June had opened the place four years ago. Your love of coffee is what had brought you to the door but the atmosphere and the friendly owner is what kept you coming back. It didn’t hurt that June made an excellent cinnamon mocha. But what she’d done with the space turned it into an inviting place that kept you wanting to come back.
The decor was like a warm hug, full of comfortable furniture and cozy blankets. People often curled up in the squishy armchairs with their mug of coffee, reading a book, a blanket draped across their lap. Or they might be cross legged, on one of the wide chairs at a table, working on their laptop. The walls were a canvas of photos and artwork, small cafes from all around the world, allowing you to imagine that you were sipping a cappuccino in Vienna or enjoying a cafe latte in Paris.
“Hey girl,” June greeted with a smile as you approached the counter. “Cinnamon latte as usual?”
“Yes, please. I’m actually meeting Janice but she’s not here yet, of course.”
June winked, “Of course. Our Janice prefers to be fashionably late. Want me to get her Flat White ready?”
There it was, that feeling of belonging, like you were old friends even if the only encounters you ever had were at this counter. June had to serve hundreds of coffees a day but she knew every single regular’s order and often took the time to learn personal things about them as well. Often, you would approach to find your drink already ready, June preparing it the moment she saw you walk in.
“Yes please.”
“How’s my favorite little guy doing?” asked June as she steamed the milk.
“Oh, he’s great. He actually started playing baseball. His first practice was yesterday and he loved it,” you told her, slipping your credit card into the reader.
“Yeah? That’s great. I played softball all through school and I loved it. I can’t wait for him to come in with you so he can tell me all about it.”
“I’ll have to pop in with him sometime this weekend. You know how much he loves your hot chocolate.”
June laughed, setting the cups on the counter and leaning in, whispering, “Just so you know, that’s my Eli special. Not everyone gets extra whipped cream, chocolate chips, and crushed candy canes on their hot chocolate. Just my favorites.”
She winked and you smiled as you took the two coffees and headed over to two squishy armchairs that were free. You sat, sipping on your blessed caffeine, only waiting a few moments before Janice came swirling into the coffee shop like the tornado she was, apologies already falling from her lips for being late. Not that they were necessary. Late was just her perpetual way of being. You'd accepted that about your friend. You learned long ago that if you needed Janice ready at five, then you had to tell her four or you’d be waiting a while.
You held up your friend’s coffee and Janice took it with a smile, flopping down into the chair with a dramatic sigh, “Thank you. You are my favorite person ever.”
“I already had that title. I’ve had that title for a very long time. I didn’t need to buy you coffee for that so maybe you should pay me back. What a waste of my money,” you teased.
Janice stuck her tongue out. “You only stay my favorite because you supply my caffeine habit. Sorry I’m late. I was editing photos from that wedding I had a few weeks ago and I completely lost track of time. Then I raced out the door and got in my car and realized I didn’t have my purse. So, then I had to run back in and then the house phone rang and it was my mom and you know how hard it is to get her off the phone. And then when I told her I was meeting you, she had to know how you were doing and if you’ve found a guy from online dating so I was filling her in on what a disaster that was. And…”
“It’s fine,” you laughed, not surprised at all that Janice had told her mom all about your online dating escapades. The two were more like best friends, only sixteen years between them, than mother and daughter. “I never expect you to be on time anyway.”
“You know, I should be offended but that’s fair,” your friend shrugged and then she lurched forward, hand on the arm of your chair. “But I really was trying to get here on time today because I am dying to know how last night went with the hot dad.”
“You know it wasn’t a date, right?”
Janice waved her hand, groaning loudly, “He brought dinner to your place. It’s practically date adjacent.”
“Our kids were there. I told you that. Do you even listen when I talk? Eli and Jeremiah were just having a playdate. He brought pizza. It wasn’t even in the same zip code as a date.”
“So…you’re not interested in him at all?” Janice’s eyebrows lifted to her hairline, coffee cup brought to her lips, challenging you. Damn, she knew you too well. “Aha! I knew it! It’s all over your face. You are a smitten kitten and I love it! You’re definitely interested.”
You groaned, your head resting against the back of the chair. “Maybe…I don’t know. Janice, this is all very strange for me. And he’s just the dad of my kid’s friend. It’s not like he asked me out or hit on me or gave me any sign that he’s interested in me at all. He didn’t approach me at some bar and buy me a drink. I approached him to ask about his son coming to my house to play. I don’t even know if he’s single.”
“Well, that’s easy enough to figure out. Just ask him. When are you going to see him again?”
“Tomorrow. The boys have baseball practice again and then Eli is going to spend the night at their house.”
You looked down at your coffee, focusing on the dots of cinnamon speckled across the foam, not wanting Janice to read your expression. You did not want her to see how excited you felt at the idea of seeing him again and to read too much into it because you didn’t even know how you felt about it.
Yeah, you were lonely sometimes. Eli was your entire world and you had Janice and Matt. You weren't alone but sometimes you wished for someone to be around. Someone that was yours. Someone who might take care of you, offer to rub your feet or handle things while you took a bath. Someone you could curl up with while you watched a movie or who would make the salad while you prepared dinner. Someone to talk to, to share about your day, to hold your hand while you strolled through the grocery store.
It was dumb, really. Silly. You knew that. You should be perfectly content with everything you had, everything you'd had before you lost Justin. Not everyone got to experience a love like you had. But even when you had him, because of his job, he wasn’t always there. You'd spent lots of evenings alone. Being alone was not anything new for you but there was something vastly different about being alone, knowing your person was coming home to you at some point versus being alone knowing they never would.
“Okay, perfect. So you ask him tomorrow.”
“How am I supposed to ask him if he’s single?” you scoffed, appalled at the idea. Clearly, Eli had a mom. He’d spoken about her last night. Maybe he just didn’t like to wear a ring. Maybe she was simply out of town for work or something.
“Just like that. You tell him that you enjoyed your evening together and you wondered if he was single.”
“Janice, I can’t do that.”
“Of course you can. It’s a simple question.”
“There’s nothing simple about that. I haven’t asked a guy out in over a decade. And even back then, I was awful at it. I was always so nervous. Do you remember when tripped over my own feet and spilled that drink all over Josh Day in college? It was mortifying. Just because you’re all confident and brave doesn’t mean everyone is. Besides, I don’t even know if I want to know. I don’t know what I want.”
“Honey, we’ve been over this.”
“Yeah. We have. And you’re the one who wants this for me,” you groaned, “but Janice, you’re not in my shoes. You have no idea. You can’t know what this is like and I hope you never have to. You say it’s been long enough and that I need to move on. Maybe you’re right but that doesn’t mean I can wave some magic wand and be ready. They didn’t exactly give me a manual on how to get over your grief when your husband suddenly dies. They didn’t give me some step-by-step instruction booklet for how to start dating after losing the love of your life. And how to do that when you’re also a single mother who has a kid to consider in all of it. I tried. I went on four dates and every single one of them was awful and just reminded me of what I was missing. They didn’t make me want to move on. They made me want to hang on for dear life to what I used to have.”
“I know. I know they were awful. But I don’t want to see you close yourself off to the possibility because you’re scared. Online dating sucked. I hear you. But this isn’t that. This is a guy, right in front of you, who you obviously are interested in. And it’s a guy who already knows Eli and your son likes him. He’s already organically a part of your world. You spent a whole evening with him. Do you have another horror story to tell me about him?”
“No,” you admitted, sinking down into the comforting cushion of the chair. “No. He seems wonderful. He was great with the boys. I mean, obviously he’s good with his kid but he was great with Eli too. He had them both laughing. And he has a good job. He’s a project manager for a construction company. Not that it should matter but I definitely don’t need a manchild in my life. Raising Eli is enough.”
“And…?”
“And what? Isn’t that enough?”
“He’s cute obviously?”
You flushed, bringing a hand to your face as those eyes and that smile came back to you, “I already told you he’s good looking. I mean…hazel eyes, ridiculously good hair, and a smile that could power up the whole of New York City. He’s that kind of good looking that makes you wonder what he’s doing here and not on your television screen.”
Janice giggled, her feet bouncing against the floor, arm smacking her chair, “See? Come on. Take your shot, honey.”
“But what about Eli?”
“What about Eli? Didn’t you say he liked him?”
“He did but he barely knows him. And this isn’t the kind of thing where I could wait to introduce them until I knew it was something real because he’s already in Eli’s life now. And Eli is best friends with his son. I can’t screw that up for him. Because how would we be able to still set up playdates if we had some horrible breakup? We wouldn’t be able to be in the same room and then Eli would be crushed. And what if Eli isn’t ready to see me with someone else? He’s only ever seen me with his dad. He might think I’m betraying Justin. And what if…”
“Whoa, okay, let’s back the truck up a bit here,” Janice soothed, her hand coming to rest on your arm. “It’s just a date, one date honey, not a lifetime commitment. Ask him out on one date and see how it goes. Keep it simple and come here for coffee. No pressure. Not some fancy restaurant with low lighting. Just a nice coffee. If there’s nothing there then you just move on as friends and it doesn’t have to affect the boys. They don’t even have to know that you two went out. And you know I’ll watch Eli for you if you need me to. Name the time and Matt and I will be there.”
“I don’t know. This all just feels weird and wrong…I mean, Justin…”
“Justin wouldn’t want you to be alone for the rest of your life. Justin loved you like Sam loved Annie, like Wesley loved Buttercup, like Harry loved Sally. He would want you to have the world. He would hate the idea of you sitting in that house all alone. You are far too young to be facing the rest of your life alone. Take the leap, my friend. Take a chance on this movie star man. Be happy. It’s okay.”
But was it okay? You would like to think that Justin would want you to be happy, that he wouldn’t want you to spend the rest of your life alone at only thirty-two. But would he look at it as a betrayal? Would you be dishonoring him and everything you'd shared if you replaced him like an old couch?
And was any of this even relevant? You didn’t even know if Steve was single. Maybe he was still married or maybe he wasn’t but he was already seeing someone else. You couldn’t imagine a guy like that staying single for long. There had to be women lined up just waiting for their turn. If the moms at practice the other day were any indication, that was certainly the case.
But did you want to keep being alone? Maybe you didn’t straight up ask him but maybe you could find out. You were hanging out tomorrow for a bit anyway. Maybe if you were crafty, you could figure out his status without just coming out and asking if he was single.
“I’ll think about it,” you finally relented.
“I guess I’ll take what I can get,” sighed Janice.
___________________________________________________________
After listening to Janice spend the next hour trying to convince you why you needed to grab the bull by the horns, your friend’s words and not yours, you were ready to get the hell out of there. Janice was not going to let this go. You'd hugged your annoying, but well-meaning, friend and headed off to the grocery store.
As you'd just had pizza last night, Eli had asked if you could change pizza Friday to nacho Friday. So, here you were, even though you usually avoided doing things like this on a bonus day, grabbing all the fixings you would need to make the best nachos ever. Or really, what you would need because when Eli said nachos, all he really wanted was melted cheese on tortilla chips and some salsa to dip them in.
Not you. You had every intention of loading yours up with all the good stuff. Grabbing a cart, you wandered through the aisles, grabbing avocados to make guacamole, ground beef, taco seasoning, black olives, sour cream, and one jalapeno. Deciding a bottle of wine would be a nice addition, you turned down the liquor aisle and almost plowed right into another cart with your cart.
“Oh my god. I am so sorry. I wasn’t even looking…”
Your heart stopped, along with the entire grocery store, as if someone had hit the pause button, when you saw who you almost ran into. Steve gave you that megawatt smile, blinding even under the fluorescent lights of the grocery store. He stood there in a plaid button down and jeans, a baseball cap on his head.
Seriously? You'd met this guy two days ago and you had never seen him before. You definitely would have noticed if he’d ever been anywhere in your vicinity. Who wouldn’t notice a guy who looked like that just having the nerve to exist? Now you were running into him in the grocery store? Could you have just been blind?
To be fair, after Justin had passed, for a long time you felt like you w were moving through life in a fog. Your grief had been so thick that you barely noticed anything, simply going through the motions that were required of you. Maybe you had seen him before but never even noticed, blinders that were you just trying to function keeping you from seeing this beautiful man that lived in your town.
“Hey there,” he laughed, taking his hands off the cart and holding them out wide.
“Hey. Grocery shopping?”
Your eyes closed as you inwardly cursed yourself. Obviously he was grocery shopping. He had a cart in the middle of a grocery store. Why were you so bad at this? And Janice really thought you had a shot in hell of flirting with him, of asking him out when you couldn’t come up with anything better than asking him if he was grocery shopping in a grocery store?
“I mean, it is a store full of food so, you know?” Steve shrugged, gesturing to his basket. “I had a few hours before I had to be out to check on a job site so I figured I’d grab all the provisions for the big sleepover tomorrow. It’s way easier to do it now than to lug Jere with me. He’ll have this cart overflowing and my wallet completely drained by the time we checkout.”
You looked down. His cart was full of everything two seven year old boys might want. He had burgers, hot dogs, buns, four kinds of chips, cookies, ice cream, popcorn, juice boxes, cereal, and milk. You also noticed the six pack of beer that was probably his own personal little treat for having two seven year old boys in his house all night. Your eyes met his, eyebrows lifting.
“The beer is just…I mean, I won’t drink it all when they’re there or anything. Just like to have one or two in the evening sometimes. I promise you I am a responsible adult.”
“No, that’s not it. I don’t care if you enjoy a beer. You’ll probably need it. It’s just that’s a lot of food for one overnight. Looks more like you’re planning on twelve kids or possibly stealing my child for a whole week,” you teased, pressing your lips together. “I warn you. You can try to take him if you want but you’ll want to give him back after the first night. I’ll be impressed if you make it through night two. He’s amazing but he’s a handful.”
One of his hands ran through his hair as he chuckled, “No. I wasn’t planning on keeping him. Trust me, one seven year old is more than enough for me to handle on a regular basis. Besides, Jere’s mom will be home Sunday night so he’ll be heading back with her until I get him again on Wednesday.”
“Oh?” So she was in the picture but definitely not in the picture as in them together. Here was your opening, your way of finding out more information without blatantly letting him know you were interested. Just a casual conversation between two acquaintances who ran into each other. “Shared custody?”
“Yeah. Nance and I divorced about four years ago but we try to co-parent the best we can. She’s been on a trip with her husband for their anniversary for the past week so I’ve had Jere all week. That’s why I needed a babysitter for the meeting. Normally, we just help each other out if we need to.”
“Wow, that’s great. It’s so nice that you two can make that work when so many can’t. Jeremiah must love that his parents can work together so well. It has to make the split a lot easier on him.”
Steve shrugged, “Yeah. I mean, we’re just better friends than we were romantic partners, you know? It wasn’t really a contentious divorce. Nobody did anything bad. No cheating or nastiness or anything. We knew we wanted to make it as easy on Jere as we could so we agreed to joint custody, splitting our time with him fifty-fifty and then if something comes up, we just move stuff around as needed.”
You were impressed. You had known quite a few people who’d gone through a divorce, more than you should for only being thirty two. Most of them were not friendly with each other. Nasty divorces where venomous words were thrown around and battles lasted for months over possessions and children and pets. To have two people just recognize that their marriage wasn’t working and decide to work together for the sake of their kid was incredibly mature and only made him that much more attractive. You really needed this guy to have a fault because it was getting harder and harder not to think he might be the most perfect guy you'd ever met.
“It’s really nice that you two are there for each other like that. It’s hard being a single parent.”
“Yeah. It is,” he agreed. “You’re always feeling like you’re doing the job of two people. But I’m very lucky to have her and my friends to help me out.”
“Yeah, I have my friend Janice and her husband Matt. They help me out a lot whenever they can. Matt is actually the one who got Eli into baseball. He started taking him to the batting cages right after him and Janice started dating. And he’s taken him to a couple games. That’s why Eli wanted to play.”
“Well, Jere is definitely glad for that. He was practically bursting to tell me that Eli was going to be on the team.”
“Those two really seem to have connected,” you said fondly. “Eli talks about him all the time. It’s nice. He…uh, he struggled to make friends the first couple years of school. He was kind of quiet and kept to himself after…well, he just was going through some stuff. So, him finding Jeremiah has been really great. Or, I guess Jeremiah found him, actually. Eli told me Jeremiah saw his Batman backpack on the first day of school and showed him his Superman one and asked if he wanted to be his best friend. It has really brought him out of his shell.”
“Well, Jere loves him. When I ask about school, he’s never talking about anything he is actually learning.” Steve chuckled. “He’s always telling me about Eli. He would not stop talking about Eli coming to sleepover after we left your house last night and it was all he talked about this morning on the drive to school.”
“Eli too.”
“Coach Harrington, is that you?” came a sing-songy voice as Laurie Streeter came sliding up next to him with her cart.
“Oh, hi Ms. Streeter,” Steve greeted with a nod.
“I thought that was you,” she beamed and was that, was she actually batting her eyelashes at him? You grimaced at the woman in her mid thirties acting like some teenage girl with a crush. “I just couldn’t pass up the chance to say hi to my favorite baseball coach. You know, Richie hasn’t been able to stop talking about how much he loves baseball ever since the first practice the other night.”
“Well, good. I’m glad he’s enjoying it. I try to make sure all the boys are learning but having fun.”
“Oh, and you do such a wonderful job.”
Her hand fell on his forearm as she leaned into him, pressing her ample cleavage against his bicep. Steve’s eyes widened and you noticed the red that was creeping along his neck, up over his jaw, coloring his cheeks. But was he blushing because he was flattered or because he was mortified?
You were certainly mortified. You couldn’t even bring yourself to ask him if he wanted to maybe get a cup of coffee sometime and this woman was practically melding their bodies into one in the liquor aisle of the grocery store.
Laurie was that mom that was always put together. You never caught her without a full face of make-up and not a hair out of place. Her husband left her for a younger model last year and instead of letting it beat her down, she’d come back with a vengeance. She’d taken up Pilates and even you had to appreciate how tight her ass looked in her yoga pants. Apparently, Laurie had decided to show her ex just what he’d given up when he walked away.
You looked down at yourself. It wasn’t that you were sloppy. You were wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, normal attire for your off days. You'd put on some concealer and mascara this morning and you'd pulled your hair into a ponytail in preparation for meeting Janice for coffee. You looked presentable but you would never be able to compete with that if that was what Steve was looking for.
Laurie might be a single mom but she was living off of the generous alimony she received in the divorce from her cardiac surgeon ex husband. She didn’t work. She had a nanny for her three sons. She had all the time and money in the world for Pilates, spa days, and the salon. You were lucky if you remembered to get a haircut every six months.
“That’s really nice of you to say,” Steve replied, and you watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard.
“Oh my gosh, coach. Your arm is so firm. Wow. Do you work out?” asked Laurie, giggling as she wrapped her hand around his bicep, squeezing.
“I mean…I try to get to the gym a few days a week,” he stammered.
Jesus. Laurie was ready to straddle him right there next to the wine and Steve was struggling to speak. This situation was just getting uncomfortable at this point and you needed an out. Janice was wrong. There was no way you were going to embarrass yourself by setting yourself up to be rejected.
“It shows. You know, it must get so lonely in that house all by yourself when Jeremiah is with his mom. I could bring over dinner sometime for you, keep you company…”
That was it. You could not listen to it anymore. “You know, I really need to get going so I’ll let you two catch up,” you interjected, attempting to maneuver your cart around them.
“Oh my gosh! I didn’t even see you there,” Laurie said, her voice dripping with false sweetness, letting you know she absolutely had seen you there. She just didn’t care. The woman’s eyes roved over you from head to toe. “Oh honey, you must let me give you the name of my stylist. You could really do with a…well, everything. I know single motherhood is challenging but you really can’t just let yourself go. When was the last time you had your hair done, sweetie? How do you ever expect to find a man walking around like that?”
“Well, you know it’s hard to find the time,” you seethed, the urge to just leave your cart and dart out of the store overwhelming. But no, you'd promised Eli nachos for dinner. You would not let this woman bully you into running away in shame.
“I’m a single mother and somehow I find the time.”
“Yeah, it must be so hard when you have a full-time nanny to mother your children. Some of us have to actually do that ourselves.”
Laurie looked like she’d been slapped, her jaw almost hitting the floor. Steve’s hand slid across his mouth but you caught how his eyes crinkled. He was hiding a smile, amused by your comment.
“You know, I happen to enjoy a woman who doesn’t feel the need to get all made up just to go grocery shopping,” he offered. “When you’re naturally beautiful you don’t need to hide it behind a bunch of face paint, anyway.”
You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth to conceal the smile that came at his words. Could this man be any more perfect? Did he even have a flaw? And the look on Laurie’s face, the way she turned tomato red, the fumes that you could practically see coming out of your nose, only made the moment even more enjoyable.
“Well, this was fun but I really need to get going now. I have to pick up my son and make dinner for him since I don’t have anyone to do that for me. I’ll let you both get back to your shopping,” you said simply, pushing your cart down the aisle, heading for the checkout.
“Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” Steve called out.
You turned to look at him over your shoulder, “Yeah, tomorrow, facepaint free, split ends, and all.”
Oh, but that look on Laurie’s face, sheer jealousy and outrage, would have you smiling for the rest of the day.
____________________________________________________________
Steve drove toward home after checking in at the job site, unable to stop grinning, occasionally chuckling as he remembered Laurie’s face when you had called her out. As he remembered the smile you gave him when he spoke up, saying you didn’t need make-up because you were naturally beautiful, his chest warmed.
Well, okay, he hadn’t exactly said you were beautiful but it was implied. At least, he thought it was. And you didn’t need make-up. He loved that you were comfortable enough in your own skin that you didn’t feel the need to cover every inch of your face in make-up. He loved that you didn’t feel the need to look like you were heading out to the club just to pop into the grocery store.
He’d dated his fair share of high-maintenance girls. And while there was nothing wrong with a lady caring about her appearance, there was something annoying about having to wait an hour and a half for them to get ready when you casually mentioned grabbing some lunch. Now you were waiting until closer to dinnertime and grouchy, which inevitably led to a very unpleasant meal when you started sniping at each other. He’d been there more times than he could count.
And Laurie Streeter, she needed someone to knock her down a few pegs. She walked around with her nose stuck up in the air, acting like she was better than everyone else. She had milked that divorce for all she could and honestly, her shitbag of a husband had cheated, so Steve didn’t fault her for that. But everyone knew she didn’t get her hands dirty if she didn’t have to. She had a cleaning lady, a nanny, and in the summers she even had a pool boy. That woman had no idea what it was like to actually be a single mother.
Steve pulled his Ford Explorer into the driveway in front of his house. He’d bought it after Nancy and him had separated. There’d been no arguing. She was the mother of his child. He told her to go ahead and keep the house. He’d be the one to find somewhere new but she’d wanted a fresh start too. So, they’d sold the house they bought together when he was only twenty-three and split the profits.
It fit his needs. In fact, it was probably a bit more space than he needed for just him and Jeremiah. It was a two story house with three bedrooms and two full baths. The kitchen area was decent sized with a wrap around island where he kept a couple barstools and a space for a dining room table. He’d refinished the basement two years ago and that was where most of Jere’s toys were, along with a tv for him to watch his cartoons.
But his favorite part was the backyard. The house was rare in the neighborhood, boasting a quarter acre of land with a large backyard. His fence butted right up to the treeline and he spent many nights sitting out on the deck he’d built or on the patio with a fire going and a beer in his hand. Jeremiah loved the swingset he’d put in and he was begging for them to get a pool but that was a big expense and a hell of a lot of upkeep. Still, he promised the kid he’d think about it.
Unlocking the front door, he smiled as the familiar tapping of paws across hardwood greeted him. Miles came dashing around the corner. He swore that the dog looked like he was smiling, with his big old tongue hanging out of the right side of his mouth. His size intimidated people sometimes but he was just a big old teddy bear.
“Hey there Miles,” Steve cooed, rubbing his head. “You miss me? Your buddy will be home from school soon. I have to get him in about an hour. You wanna come with me?”
The dog huffed loudly, curling his body and spinning in a circle as if he understood exactly what Steve was saying. And quite honestly, sometimes he wondered if he did. He’d spent many a night spilling his guts to the furry beast, telling him things he never shared with anyone else, not even Robin.
“You know, there’s going to be some new people coming to meet you tomorrow,” he told Miles, heading into the living room, the Newfoundland trailing behind him. “Jere’s friend, Eli, is going to come over and spend the night. He’s really excited to meet you.”
He sat down on the couch and the dog did not hesitate, leaping right up next to him. He laid down, his big head dropping onto Steve’s knee and he absent mindedly stroked his fur, fingers moving through the black, shaggy fur.
“His mom’s coming too and I think I might like her.” Miles lifted his head, those big brown eyes observing him. “I know. I know. I see a pretty girl and I’m losing my mind again but I don’t think that’s what this is. Not this time. This girl’s different. But she lost her husband and I don’t know how long ago it was. I don’t want to push her into something she’s not ready for. And you know, if I asked her out and then it didn’t work, what if she felt awkward and then Eli and Jere couldn’t hang out anymore? He’d be so hurt. I don’t know. I thought about asking if she wanted to stay for dinner tomorrow. I mean, the kids would be here too. So, it’s not really like asking her on a date, right? It would just give me a chance to maybe talk to her, get to know more about her. I just feel like I have to be careful with this one, you know? It’s not just my heart that could be on the line this time. So, what do you think? Should I ask if she wants to stay for dinner tomorrow? Have a burger? It’s casual enough, right? Just being friendly?”
Miles leapt up and barked before bestowing Steve’s face with one of his sloppy kisses. He laughed, grabbing Miles’ big head, placing a kiss right on his black nose.
“I guess that means it’s a good idea, huh?”
Miles woofed loudly and maybe it wasn’t the most valid way to make a decision, but Steve trusted this big beast more than he did most people. Alright, he’d ask you to stay and eat with them. No big deal. You'd all eaten together the night before. Then he could maybe figure out what the right call was with this because he really wanted to find out if you were as different as you seemed. He wanted to know if this time could be different, if maybe he’d chosen the right one.
Chapter 4
Taglist: @katethetank @roxiehorrorshow @sapphire4082 @bakugouswh0r3 @frostandflamesfanfic
Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist. 😊 And replies and reblogs are always appreciated if you enjoy it. ❤️❤️❤️
#dad steve harrington#steve harrington#singledad!steveharrington#steve harrington single dad#steve harrington fanfiction#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington smut#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington x fem#steve harrington x you#steve harrington fic#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington imagine#fluff#smut#fluff and smut#romance#second chance romance#second chance at love#widow#divorced dad steve harrington#slow burn
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“I will follow you into the dark…”
“If there′s no one beside you, when your soul embarks, then I’ll follow you into the dark. (…) The time for sleep is now. But it′s nothing to cry about, ‘cause we′ll hold each other soon in the blackest of rooms.” (“I will follow you into the dark” by Death Cab for Cutie)
Trigger warning: My thoughts of despair can be quite dark. If anyone has difficulties with reading these things, please skip the next five paragraphs.
I’m struggling with ME/CFS for 1,5 years now and my life, as I knew it before, has changed drastically. Damn, I’ve lost so much…so much I’ve taken for granted, although my life wasn’t easy before this disease, either.
The small things in life, which have always felt so naturally, are gone for me. Driving my car, being active with my three children, going to work, taking care of my household, meeting my friends and family, making a phone call, taking care of myself, watching TV, listening to loud music, reading more than just a few pages of a book, drinking a glass of wine, leaving the house or even my dark room in general….everything was just taken from me by this fucking bitch of a disease, called ME/CFS!
I feel so stupid for having regarded these things as a matter of course….and I would rather relinquish the things I’ve gotten instead: The pains, the fevers, the lack of orientation when I’m leaving my darkness, the fatigue, the brain fog, the disability of comprehending things, the hypersensitivity to dealing with noises and lights, the lack of understanding from others…the list seems to be endless.
Every little thing too much results in another “crash” of my disease…and it’s getting worse every time. I’ve lost some friends over this period of time, my children have lost their active and funny mother and on some days, I’m trying to fight the thought away, that I’ve lost the sense of purpose in my life.
It’s only going downhill from here…further down into the darkness, which is now the only stability in my life. I’ve lost the grip on myself…the understanding of who I really am. What is left of myself?
Sure, I still haven’t lost my sense of sarcasm and my rather dark humour. I’m also sure, that I’m still an empathetic person, who’s interested in other’s thoughts and feelings. And maybe that’s exactly, what I should rely on. These are parts of my personality, which this goddamn disease ME/CFS hasn’t stolen from me.
The other thing, no one, not even ME/CFS, could ever take from me, is my love for Severus Snape. Since 21 years, I’m clinging to him, letting him comfort me and console my troubled heart and soul. He’s the one, who’s following me into the dark…being my unwavering companion in these rough times.
When I commissioned @madfantasy for this stunning piece of art, we’ve talked a lot about the meaning behind it. Mani, my dear friend, I’m beyond grateful for your understanding of the feelings, which I wanted to express with this artwork. I’ve never met anyone else in my entire existence, who had the ability to grasp every nuance of my emotions, transforming them into something so powerful…so creative…so beautiful!! You are such a gem of a soul and my heart swells with joy for being counted as your friend. I’m sending you my love! 🖤🖤🖤
🖤 Severus & Julia 🖤
#Severus x Julia#severus x oc#i love severus#fuck me/cfs#commissioning artwork is my goddamn coping mechanism#Mani you did it again#he’s my safe place#he’s my comfort blanket#he’s my guiding light#he’s my everything#mani is wonderful#severus snape#i love snape#snape love#snape#pro severus snape#snape content#snart#severus snape fan art#severus fanart#severus snape art#snape art#mecfs#writing is my coping mechanism#disability#grieving
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sorry for the horrible screenshot but this line (said by house, directed at wilson, from 5x17) got me thinking about their dynamics psychologically!! (i mean, when am i not. they’re a psych student’s wet dream. but specifically in the context of carl jung’s archetypes because i had to do a presentation on this and i think it’s really interesting)
house is right — wilson’s all persona. he doesn’t have a developed sense of self; he’s built his entire life on being what other people need and now he can’t differentiate between his persona and his real personality. (high masking autistic <33) house is the only time he reveals his shadow, the side of himself he hides from the world. he’s snarky and honest and he drops the façade of a perfect kind person to tell the truth in all its ugliness to house. (he still performs a bit for house because like i said no concrete sense of self but i digress.) house is the one time he allows himself to better realize his self and indulge in his shadow.
but house is being a little hypocritical. he’s all persona too! on the surface, he seems like he’s the archetype of the shadow. he’s abrasive, rude, pushes people away. he’s animalistic, like a snarling dog snapping out at anyone who gets too close. but that in itself is a persona!! he puts up a front of rudeness to keep people at arms length because in his childhood, when our core personality traits are developed, he learned that he got hurt less that way. in reality, his shadow is most people’s persona; he is capable of empathy and kindness but he’s scared of vulnerability so he hides it. it’s easier if he can control how people leave him. but wilson’s the only time he consistently presents this kindness, and this episode (the social contract) is such a good example of it! he takes care of wilson and he’s sweet by all accounts and he doesn’t fear that wilson will hurt him for it. (just like wilson, he still performs his persona somewhat for his friend because just like wilson he is like 31 different kinds of fucked up and his persona, just like wilson’s, is a defense mechanism to make sure people don’t hurt him. wilson makes sure no one can hurt him by being exactly what they want. house makes sure no one can hurt him by pushing them away before he gets “close enough to care”. this is in quotations because it’s not an effective defense for either — again, 31 kinds of fucked up — but it’s their defenses nonetheless)
they’re each other’s inverse; wilson’s shadow is house’s persona, house’s persona is wilson’s shadow. (this isn’t to imply there isn’t some kernel of truth to each of their personas. house is not always a very nice person and he’s not always empathetic. wilson’s a kind and caring person. they have just exaggerated these traits to their extremes.) together, they can truly achieve unification of their persona and shadow and be the fully realized self but they are the only people that can do this for each other. they are like next level toxic yaoi dude
#sorry for the incoherence i have like one brain cell left rattling around in my head so idek what i’m saying#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#analysis#meta#carl jung
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Hello! I love your writing so much! I was wondering if I could request a little story of a rather large plussize woman to be found desirable and wanted by Jongho from Ateez? I have been struggling with my desirability and how that isn't connected to my selfworth. I would love for the oc to have light brown hair with green eyes and glasses if possible. Thank you so much. 💖
↣ A/N: MISS/MR PERSON. IF PLUS SIZE READERS ARE NOT MY FAVORITE TO READ. And it’s like a very oddish thing because I myself am not at all plus size. I’m positive it’s just my all around size kink and extreme empathetic ability that cries every time someone puts themselves down. BUT IF I DO NOT LOVE READING THOSE.
Honestly I can create small little snips of how each of the boys gravitate towards bigger people in their own different ways. I can see all of them loving on you with their own affections and love language.
↣ Characters/Pairing: Jongho x Plus Size!Reader
↣ Genre: fluff, angst,
↣ AU/Trope info: idol!au,
↣ Word Count:
↣ Warnings: self conscious about weight, a bit of anxiety,
↣ A/N: I will be honest I was going for tears falling kind of imagine but I felt I didn't portray that enough/well. I also feel that since I didn't add much dialogue it sucked too.
Special Thanks to @saradika-graphics for the amazing banners as always.
Jongho would be one of the boys who would gravitate towards a bigger person because I think he would like someone who is healthy in regards to themselves. He appreciates confidence a lot and while he does enjoy when his S/O is happy to be themselves he also knows that things can be hard sometimes.
Maybe at the start of a relationship you can find yourself having trouble with your self worth and image but once you get to know Jongho you open up and understand that he isn't someone who will look at your physical appearance.
Jongho just gives off so much respect that it leaves you like bawling your eyes out at home because of how great he is. He won't pressure you into doing something you don't want but he for sure will support you and motivate you when he knows that your goal is what you really want in life.
Jongho is just so great that at one point or another, you will in fact be changing your mind about yourself because his respect juice is just over the top and his affections will just have you second guessing any self loathing you might have because that man loves with his entire chest/thighs.
The day had been extremely pretty and the weather finally let up to allow Spring to move in. With the snow all melted and flowing down the rivers, the flowers were starting to grow and bring about the buzzing of bees.
You were glad to feel that the wind was just cool enough to get rid of the humidity that came with the water. And because of that you were more than happy to wear a flowy sundress that gave your legs room to breath while your arms were covered up by sleeves. It was enough to keep you both warm and cool.
Jongho had the day off and asked that you both leave the house rather than be cooped up all day. He wanted to breathe the fresh air for a moment due to being stuck in the studio/company all week. And with the day being so nice, he wanted to take advantage of it.
You were left a bit skeptical about going out because of how you spent so much time inside during the winter months to avoid getting sick. You weren't really feeling confident in yourself but you knew that being stuck inside for longer would only make things worse.
Plus you couldn't tell him no with the way he held your hand and rubbed his thumb along your skin. And you for sure couldn't voice your thoughts as he told you that he had a picnic planned and to dress all nice and pretty.
When you felt the wind on your skin to check the temperature before going out your first thought was to wear the sundress you bought one day while out shopping with Jongho. You could remember the way his eyes grew wide and lips twitch as a smile wanted to overtake his face when you showed him it.
You also couldn't take the giggle that came out his lips when you wore it for the first time.
And so around midday, you sat on a blanket alongside Jongho under a tree that overlooked the river. He had laid down, his arms behind his head as he rested. You had your legs stretched out in front of you, humming to yourself as you read over a book while soft music played in the earbuds you both shared.
Jongho shuffled closer to you, making you giggle as you scooted over, allowing him to wrap an arm around your waist and nuzzle his head into your side.
You heard groups of people starting to make their way into your cozy spot as the day progressed and people wanted to do the same thing as you and your boyfriend.
You heard giggling to your side, glancing up and seeing people snickering. You swallowed thickly when you caught them speaking quietly to each other and kept glancing your way.
You suddenly felt uncomfortable, rolling your shoulders and wiggling as you tried to cover up more with your shin length dress. You pulled your legs as close to you as possible, trying to make yourself seem smaller.
You flinched at the sweat that had begun to form on your legs that were attached to the blanket, trying to use your dress to wipe it away. You didn't notice the anxiety creeping in your body. Not until Jongho moved from you.
Your movements caused Jongho's arms to slip from your waist, making him wake up and frown at your movements. He leaned up to watch your facial expressions. It was subtle but he could see the frown on your lips, the pinch in your eyebrows as you fret over yourself and the things around you.
"My love." He called softly, playing with the fabric of your dress that you had bunched up in your fingers.
He was slow in moving to touch you, not wanting to startle you and make your anxiety even worse. You moved your hands closer to yourself, causing him to follow the path and finally link your fingers together atop your thigh.
Your lips twitch at the, leg beginning to bounce up and down. Jongho finally sat up, moving to sit behind you. He wrapped both of his arms around you, laying his cheek against the back of your head as his thumb rubbed along your hands that he held.
He felt your skin calming down, no longer twitching as you relaxed in his hold. When he felt you go slack, he scooted closer, pressing his chest against your back. His chin rested on your shoulder, breath hitting your ear making you haunch your shoulder from the tickle.
"Are you okay?" He asked you quietly, lazily rubbing his cheek on your skin.
"I'm okay." You whispered, looking down at your book.
Jongho sat up quickly, causing you to turn around to look at him. You felt his fingers squeeze your hand pulling it closer to your stomach. He hugged you tighter to him, making tears well up in your eyes.
"What happened?" He asked quietly.
You knew he already knew. He saw it every time you would fret over your clothing. He knew what kind of anxiety attack you might be having by just watching you. It was how he showed his love.
Jongho didn't need to tell you anything. He always showed his affections in his expressions and actions more than anything. It was the way he held himself. The way he held you that made you realize how much he actually loved you.
It was riveting to watch how much he put into his performances and passion in what he loved doing. And all that passion translated into his feelings for those he loved. If you knew Jongho well enough you would know that with just one look you were going to be safe with him.
He was silent, an observer and only talked when it called for it. He gave his opinions when he felt that others were wrong but he wouldn't try to change their mind if they were stubborn people.
With you he didn't try to change your mind. He only tried to ease it. It wasn't an easy thing to overcome your insecurities about your body image. Especially in this time and age with technology.
But he didn't have to say anything. He just had to hold you and make you feel how much he loved you and your everything. Maybe there were times where you needed to hear him voice that you were beautiful but when he held you like he was now, allowing his entire being to seep into your skin and take your anxiety away you felt like you were on cloud nine.
"I love you." He called out, making you look up at him.
You smiled through your tears, sniffling as he reached up to wipe them away.
"I love you too."
#kpop fanfic#ateez fanfic#ateez imagines#ateez#ateez x reader#ateez jongho#jongho ateez#jongho#atz#jongho fluff#choi jongho#jongho imagines#jongho x you#jongho x reader#jongho x y/n
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Please Hold Me (Joseph Quinn x gn!Reader)
a/n: this is a little short and entirely self-indulgent but i needed it ok? any feedback is welcome! kisses xxx
SYNOPSIS: Reader has a horrible day, Joe comforts them
WARNINGS: mentions of chronic pain, loss of sleep, also not eating enough but its all pretty light
It was a hard day for you–they almost always were, but today was particularly difficult. Between having a horrible sleep–tossing and turning all night, not being able to get comfortable enough to drift off into a blissful unconscious state–then getting up at almost the crack of dawn to get ready for work, only to discover your pain had flare and instead of being your regular just discomfort, you were in agony.
You let Joe sleep in so you didn’t speak to him before you left for work, you knew he had a few night shoots coming up soon so you thought it’d be best to let him savour the mornings when he could afford to get up at 11 AM, before calling you on your lunch break to chat about whatever he could think of to distract you with while you were at work.
It was a horrible work day, though. You were so busy, you had to work through lunch, only getting the chance to inhale a protein bar you kept in your desk drawer when you had a free few minutes–meaning there was no time to call Joe. You wondered what he was up to, how he was spending his free day.
Knock-off time couldn’t have come any sooner, and after a hectic commute, you practically fell through your front door and into Joseph’s arms. It wasn’t until you finally stopped that you realised just how exhausted you were, and how much pain your entire body was in.
“How was your day, love?” Joe asked in your embrace, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as the two of you stood in the entrance of your flat.
Before you could even answer, a thick film of tears washed over your eyes, spilling the second you let out the choked sob that was stuck in your throat the whole way home. “It was shit…just shit…” you cried.
“Oh, darling, I’m so sorry…” he comforted you, running a hand over your head while you just let it all out.
After a few minutes, you caught your breath, and pulled away from the crook of Joe’s neck to look at him once again–soft, brown eyes looking dead at yours and an empathetic smile across his face.
“How about you get changed into something comfy, and I’ll make you some tea and toast?” he asked, seemingly knowing exactly what you needed.
He was always good at that, always the most kind and sympathetic person in the room–it was one of the things that attracted you to him when you met. Perhaps the universe knows when someone needs to be taken care of and when someone is the best at taking care of those around them, and puts them together on purpose–at least that was your running theory on how you managed to find such a solicitous man.
You still held onto his arms while he stood, waiting for your response. “In a minute okay?” You sighed. “Just-just please hold me….”
Without a second thought he pulled you into his arms again–over your shoulders while you linked your arms behind his waist. He didn’t say anything for a while, just let you lean on him while you took in the scent of his body wash that lingered from his regular evening shower.
“Love you so much, you know?” he said. “I’m always here for you when you feel like shit, okay? Even when I’m away just call and I’ll always make the time to talk…”
You didn’t know quite what to say, you just felt so lucky. “Love you too, sweetheart.”
#joseph quinn#joe quinn#joseph quinn x reader#joseph quinn imagine#joseph quinn drabble#joseph quinn blurb#joseph quinn x you
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Makeup Sex HCs
-> dabi/t. todoroki, s. todoroki, e. kirishima & k. bakugo
Dabi | Shouto Todoroki | Eijiro Kirishima | Katsuki Bakugo x [GEN]Reader
CONTENT WARNING(S): sexual content, makeup sex. 🧍🏽♀️
COUNT: 1.1K words [1-3 mins each].
READ MORE: masterpost + [students | bakugo | adults masterlists]
A/N: ive been wanting to write this for a hot min and now i finally did sjdjsjdn anyways this will be my last nsfw work for students. pretty anti-climatic but 🤷🏽♀️ i will be releasing the rest of my sfw stuff for them somewhere else so stayed tuned for that. 👀 ANYWAYS I AM SAUR READY FOR THE DABI CONTENT IM GONNA BUST 🥰 THANK YOU ANON AND HAPPY YEAR YALL. 🤢🤟🏽🤟🏽🤟🏽
if its serious & Dabi knows hes fucked up, hes gonna force himself to talk about it.
don't think that he’ll be mature 100% but he will communicate with you.
is a little manipulative (don't come at me we know he ain't at therapy) and might divulge to get into your good graces once again.
makeup sex with Dabi entirely depends on how serious he finds the situation.
if it's something super serious (to him) then he will not go for sex and will not want to be touched physically like at all. comfort wise too.
but when it's something where all you two need to do is properly communicate, he's actually more empathetic. you could almost say the makeup sex between you when this happens is more… intimate.
if submissive!Dabi is something you like, here he is!
don't expect him to go full on tho, he’ll just relinquish a bit more of letting you take control as a form of apologizing.
[+] only you have been able to see him in such a position… you better be thrilled.
gets more needy tho? the audacity… if you love brats there here he is.
tries to say stuff to throw you off, shit like if you're teasing him he'll say something along the lines of, “stop playing and come sit on my cock, doll.” or “look at you slobbering all over my dick, you greedy XYZ.”
a little whiney about it too, has no shame whatsoever, though.
if he's the one giving you head, it's very messy and sloppy like he's making out with your nether regions. his goal is to have you c(um)e undone and having you surrender your thoughts to him.
when you two actually get to fucking though, it's really rough and grabby at first. it's as if you two are trying to fight each other whilst also attempting to one up another in pleasure.
very much a lot of rough thrusting, pinning, bite marks, hickies and hand prints galore.
then it soothes out—once all the pent up energy is exerted you two transition into a more, and this is where I talked about earlier, intimate love making.
mumbling apologies, a teary eye if you manage to make eye contact with each other and soft mutterings of how good it feels.
it's like a rollercoaster ride of high and low emotions, the end result being the balance of both.
probably the same kind of style as Dabi.
honestly it wouldn't be surprising if the root of the makeup sex being unresolved things, as in the inner conflicts that you two don't even address.
quiet aggression waiting for its release between you two.
makeup sex would be more like a week or a few days after, where you two are probably having a normal session but then the pent up and forgetting energy comes up and gets released during the deed.
Todoroki grips you way more often and holds you close as if you might disappear in one second.
uses a lot of his hands and probably toys too to let out his pent out anger.
will have you bonded up so he can freely do what he needs to do with having to keep his attention divided by keeping you down and pleasuring you.
a ton of words of affirmation here, both you and him.
that's how it normally is, but he throws in some endearing terms a lot more this time around.
“that feel good, baby?” “who makes you feel good like this?”
his attention is solely focused on you and not so much his.
will probably edge you until the point where you both need to climax as he enjoys seeing you tear up and beg for him.
the makeup sex was probably about jealousy if we're being honest here.
Todoroki is just so emotionally constipated but he doesn't know how else express it.
is definitely working on it though.
probably the most emotional out of them lol.
Kirishima is the type to cry and be a mess, super emotional and empathetic.
isn't doing crazy positions or trying to rough you up, unintentional or not.
very much, “I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry” sort of attitude 😭
feel like when thinking of Kirishima, since he has this hidden, passive aggressive side that it'd transmute into rough handling but no I think he'd let all his barriers down for something like this.
would probably get rougher near the ending tho, like harder thrusts and more bite marks.
he wants to be in your good books again and is doing his best to be that again.
everything is sloppier too, just pure rawness tbh.
the makeup session may take place a few hours later or a day later, if it doesn't then that's how you know it's something serious that can't just be mended with a bit of physical bonding.
so in a way when you two make up like this, Kirishima feels grateful because of the unspoken common rules in your relationship.
he puts his all in to make sure that even with your disagreements he still loves you a lot. :’)
surprisingly so, i honestly believe makeup sex with this man would be soft.
it's passive aggressive at most, the only thing being harsh is the rough grip here and there or a little taunting whisper every so often.
lots of eye contact and just admiring you under him.
likes to be on top so he can shield you from everything else in the room and wants your attention all on him.
make up sex with him is smothering in the way that it's like he's trying to mold himself into you and only you.
doesn't care about what you guys fought about or disagreed earlier, he's more or so focused on the connection this will bring.
Bakugo is more quiet during this time, not really saying much but lets a few noises slip by every so often.
if he does talk, it's not very loud or aggressive, more of check ins like, “you okay?” “you like it when I XYZ?”
it's like Bakugo is treating you in a fragile manner, not wanting to shatter you or startle you. :’)
this is one of the times where his energy level isn't on 1000.
ALSO HAND HOLDING FOR SURE.
prefers to mostly do positions where he can see your face too, wants to make sure you're okay.
he's very mellow and the sort of energy is needed for the mending between you two.
all rights reserved © do NOT steal, alter or copy this work.
#bnha x reader#mha x reader#bnha dabi x reader#mha dabi x reader#bnha todoroki shouto x reader#mha todoroki shouto x reader#bnha kirishima eijiro x reader#mha kirishima eijiro x reader#bnha bakugo katsuki x reader#mha bakugo katsuki x reader#bnha headcanons#mha headcanons#not sfw#sav's sinning
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On the Making of Gojo's Goals: Thoughts and Assumptions
One disclaimer which I feel I need to make before getting into this: This is my reading of the events of the JJK manga, and my reading only, no more and no less. I am not claiming that my opinions are anywhere near being correct or true to the meaning intended by the author, I'm just sharing my take on the story I'm currently deeply passionate about.
And spoiler alert, of course!
Okay, but it is actually so interesting to me to be able to trace the events all the way back to how Gojo's goals and motivations begin to take shape, gradually solidify and get put into motion. So here's how I see it.
It's discussed a lot how Geto's presence in Gojo's life provided the latter with a moral compass and an empathetic outlook on things he lacked himself, giving him a sense of direction and playing a role of somewhat guiding and grounding force for him -- even if he more often than not nonchalantly rebelled against the prospect. He could always rely on Geto's judgement, so it spared him from the bother of thinking about what's righteous and what is not and instead gave him space to enjoy his youth and be careless, relishing this breath of fresh air which his friendship with Geto became. And for quite a while, I imagine, they were both content with how things were. Their warm spring of youth, you know. But when Geto left, he as well took that ideological guidance away from Satoru. From that point on, I believe, is when Gojo really takes to crafting his own ideals.
Unnecessarily lengthy discussion of how, in my view, Gojo's goals came into being below the cut!
1. The loss of the moral compass
When the events of SPVI put uncrossable distance between Satoru and Suguru, not least because of how they chose to cope with their trauma, Gojo got separated not only from his one and only closest friend, but also from somebody who, essentially, told him 'Of course, there needs to be a reason to kill people'. But at that time Gojo was driven by inertial forces, stuck in perfecting his technique and prioritised realising his potential to the fullest, because he blamed his failure on his own shortcomings as a sorcerer, as the strongest. And for the time being getting stronger, really claiming the name of the pinnacle of jujutsu for himself seemed enough. Because being the strongest would solve all the problems. Why wouldn't it? In the end, that's what his society trained him to think, preaching that might is always right. He made growing in power his goal, because he genuinely believed that is what he needed in order to prevent another failure, another Riko from happening. He seemed honestly excited and proud of his hard work while presenting his newly mastered ability to Shoko and Geto.
Look, now he's strong enough.
He's got it all covered.
Something that terrible will not happen again.
He was certain at least in this, so he moved in that direction.
Geto's defection left him without as much. I guess at least some part of why the news came as such a shock to Gojo was because it ripped that certainty away from him, made it painfully obvious that strength alone was not enough. It's cruelly ironic that, more or less by coincidence, this blow lands on him right after his cheerfully boastful announcement of the finally tamed Limitless. Because the thing is, I cannot imagine an outcome where Gojo doesn't blame himself, at least a little, for what happened to Geto. He was the one who got too far ahead, got too strong. He made a point of making himself untouchable, unreachable. (Although, in my eyes, it's not entirely true -- as Gojo was the one who actually tried to reach out to Geto. Even if he failed in this, we do see him try. On Geto's part, there was never such an effort. He didn't reach back, nor did he reach out himself. But it's a topic for a different discussion, I guess.) And, in the end, perhaps he trusted Geto and his ability to stay true to his ideals a bit too much.
2. Being the strongest alone is not an option
After Geto's spiral at least one thing was made clear: everything's that's broken in the system won't be fixed merely through sheer power. Yes, Gojo reached his destination, became the strongest, but him being strong didn't stop Geto from breaking and leaving, did not do anything to help him. If anything, it only made things worse, creating a gap between the two which deepened Geto's self-isolation (and perhaps enabled it in the first place).
When Geto leaves and Gojo's belief that simply being the strongest is going to fix everything falls short, Gojo is forced to reconsider his ideas and figure out a different solution. And that's what he comes up with: if being the strongest alone is not enough, then everyone should be the strongest. His thinking still relies heavily on the concept that power is everything in jujutsu society, but from what happened with Geto (who, in Gojo's eyes, failed to catch up with him in strength and therefore broke under the weight of his responsibilities and went down the wrong path) he derived that, basically, strength comes in numbers. The system isn't going to provide its sorcerers with necessary support, so they themselves should be able to shoulder the load without faltering. Therefore, they need to be strong like him.
And secondly, there's that:
He can only save those who are already prepared to be saved. As I see it, with this phrase Gojo comes to a conclusion that there's only so much he can do. Even if his cursed technique is called the Limitless, he can't do the impossible. He can't be his society's Atlas holding up the weight of the world (though he tries to), can't blame himself for every loss and tragedy, so he's consciously narrowing the list of things he holds himself responsible for. Now, allow me to put a pin in this thought, I will get back to it shortly.
3. No support in the system
The next stepping stone in Gojo's journey to forming his final goals is taking Megumi (and Tsumiki) under his care. It's after this decision of his, I believe, he becomes determined to become a teacher and educate the youth. And it also somewhat ties to the 'saving only those who are prepared to be saved' bit.
For me to elaborate on this, let's take a few steps back. Throughout both seasons, but the second one especially, the story goes to great lengths to show how alone young sorcerers in fact are in their duties. Students are basically left to their own devices from the very moment they enroll into Jujutsu High, and the stakes are as high as they get, with the obligation to carry out missions more often than not putting them into life-and-death situations. And Geto and Gojo being considered the strongest sorcerers of their generation is still no proper excuse for delegating responsibility for the thing that their whole society relies upon to them. They were still literal teenagers who had not even finished their education as sorcerers at that point. They were sixteen and held responsible for somebody's life and well-being, with it constantly being threatened by members of two exceptionally dangerous organisations -- not to mention the whole price-on-Amanai's-head business. And all the while we get no notion of any teacher, any adult in charge and authority over them, bothering to check in on their progress with the mission whatsoever. And what about their emotional state, what about the severely traumatic -- nearly fatal -- experience they both endured? Did anybody make sure they went into, I don't know, therapy, like they should have? Were they provided with at least some extra emotional support from their mentors? I would gamble the chances of this actually happening are little to none. Almost like the system adopts this 'don't care' attitude merely because there is no point in tending to emotional well-being of somebody who they already view as disposable.
That being the case, it comes as no surprise that Geto did not know how to give voice to everything that was troubling him, did not know how to reach out for help when he found himself drowning in doubts. The system does not give the youth any room to develop healthy coping mechanisms, does not provide its sorcerers with any support in case they find themselves struggling mentally. No one is ever there to give Geto and Gojo or Nanami or even Shoko comfort, advice and guidance they all needed. Thus they just don't know how to apply for help -- because they are simply not used to, not taught how to. To circle back to my previous thoughts, the system does not prepare young sorcerers to be saved. The end result is inevitably trying to reach out to somebody struggling without that person ever reaching back or even recognising there is a need for them to do so in order to get help.
Gojo starts to break this pattern by taking in a child with no support system. And while no, I'm not saying Gojo was anywhere near equipped to play the role of that system to Megumi at that time, this decision on his part still counts as a step forward, even if a baby one (no pun intended).
4. Educating the youth
So, after taking it upon himself to help take care of two children, Gojo eventually drives to the conclusion that making sure that the younger generation in jujutsu society gets necessary support is indeed in order.
And I think there's somewhat a relation to be found between the role Gojo plays in Megumi's life and the way he delivers on his responsibilities as a teacher. Although Gojo oversees Megumi and Tsumiki's upbringing, he does so not as a parental figure, but rather as a mentor and a benefactor who ensures their well-being. The same may be applied to how he treats his students. He does not offer them emotional support himself, he isn't even by any measure the one who ties them together as a group, but he does in fact bring them together and does actively try to create the environment where they can bond and become each other's support system. Gojo's flawed personality is something even he himself admits to have, so he isn't necessarily the best man for the job when it comes to handling children's emotions. But he still, for instance, recognises that Yuuji has high emotional needs, so he brings him to Nanami -- an adult who is actually equipped to take care of his mental health. One other example of this is how, when the Goodwill Event fails in its purpose as an 'opportunity for the students to get to know each other in the spirit of competition', Gojo goes out of his way to instead organise a simple baseball game for them to play -- a team sport and an actual, normal as in 'non-lethal' bonding activity for teenagers.
There's an argument that Gojo too, in actuality, is not exactly always there for his students, but it's rather due to Gojo's high demand as a sorcerer than negligence or indifference on his part. In the end, Megumi does make a habit of calling Gojo when something goes downhill on a mission. And I would say it's a significant improvement in comparison with how things were back in Gojo's (and Geto's) day.
Also, that 'being a jujutsu sorcerer is an individual sport' reasoning on Gojo's part during his conversation with Megumi straight after the baseball game kind of speaks against everything I have been talking about for the last couple of paragraphs. Except that, as I personally take it, it's more indicative of the fact that Gojo, due to his inability to go beyond the bounds of power-oriented thinking, still puts too much weight on being strong as a sorcerer. Therefore here the more pressing issue for him was Megumi trudging behind and struggling to catch up with his own potential. That one thing which Geto didn't manage to do: keep up with the strongest. And Gojo does not want another Geto case.
After all, even Geto himself, the one who arguably suffered the most from the lack of concern towards young sorcerers' mental state and their detachment from literally everybody who could and probably should provide emotional support for them, somewhat gives credit to the improvements made since Satoru became a teacher.
(Whether Gojo's secret intention to push Yuuta to unlock his true potential by sending two children into the fight they couldn't win does or does not cross out the fact that he's forcing his students to stand up for each other. *coughs nervously*)
5. Conclusion
Perhaps it's somewhat inappropriate for me to go throwing around assumptions in a concluding part of this post, but I have very little experience with writing analysis and making concrete conclusions, so please bear with me for just a bit longer.
What really succeeded in striking me as odd when going through the story for the first time, is the interpretation which states that what Gojo really seeks to achieve by becoming a teacher is influencing his students and cultivating a particular mindset in them -- the one that would allow him to use them as valuable assets when it comes to overthrowing the current system. But how could that possibly be true if he doesn't even try to discuss politics with any of them, let alone force his own ideals and goals upon them? The only thing which he keeps insisting on in his students' regard and which is linked to his views is that they should be allowed to be kids, to have their youth inviolate.
While there's no doubt that Gojo wants the system to change, my guess is that he also wants to bring about this change through his students, with them truly living out his ideal, not simply parroting it at his prompting. And Gojo actually does want to raise strong and reliable comrades who can think for themselves and recognise the need for the system to change, making them into trustworthy allies -- not only to himself, but to each other, too.
His students really are all his hopes and dreams, huh?
In case everything written above seems to lack logical connections, here's the train of thought which led me through this rambling:
losing moral guidance and falling into power-oriented thinking → recognising that strength is indeed needed, but being strong alone is not enough → coming to take care of two children → decision to become a teacher → fostering the younger generation into strong allies capable of providing help for each other when needed and being each other's support system → how to do that? let kids be kids and forge strong relationships which they can rely upon
Thank you for reading through this mess of my making!! 🧡
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk analysis#jjk meta#i don't know how to tag properly#send help#gojo satoru#geto suguru#riko amanai#megumi fushiguro#tsumiki fushiguro#nanami kento#shoko ieiri#am i supposed to tag all of them?#okkotsu yuuta#itadori yuuji#i'm back with my ramblings!#i've been sitting on these thoughts for days#i'm sorry if all of this is just an incomprehensible mess#i'm actually a little wary of talking about gojo#i don't feel i have a firm grasp of his character yet#he has so many facets to him!!#i love it#and i can't believe how bad he is at being a good person
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You know, part of what bothers me, I think, about some Tonowari and Ronal adopting Spider fics is the demonization of Neytiri, and to some extent, Jake. I’ve made posts about this before, I am number one Spider defender, ya’ll know, but Neytiri’s reactions to him make perfect sense.
Neytiri is 18 in the first movie. She’s already lost her sister and father right in front of her at an incredibly young age and very traumatically. The spectre of this war and of this destruction has been around basically her entire life. In the comics, Mo’at and Eytukan leave the decision of wether or not to open Grace’s school up to Neytiri and the other children. Neytiri advocates for this school, and then her sister is shot and killed right in front of her at that very building. Neytiri advocates for Jake, trusts him and defends him and lets a human into her heart again, only to find out he has been betraying her the entire time. It’s a vicious cycle I don’t think she can bare to even attempt to repeat again with Spider, and for good reason! In the comics, we learn that half the humans who were deemed trustworthy even defect back to the RDA and betray the Na’vi again. They lived side by side for fifteen years and still weren’t trustworthy. Girl has major trust issues. I’m sure the idea of her kids trusting a human and it getting a sibling of theirs killed like it happened to Sylwanin is very prevalent. Not even mentioning what it means that Spider is Quaritch’s son, the son of the man Jake betrayed her for, and the son of the man responsible for her fathers death and the destruction of her home. Again, she is eighteen in the first movie. Even if the Na’vi mature differently, expecting her to make an emotionally mature response to Spider is irrational, and deadass I think Spider is more empathetic to that than half of you. Obviously, adults are responsible for children and it’s not an excuse for her treatment of Spider. But honestly, Neytiri never directly harms Spider unless absolutely necessary. She leaves him behind to save Kiri. She pushes him in the comics when she blames him for almost getting Kiri and Tuk killed. She cuts him in the movie to convince Quaritch she will kill him. But then she pushes him behind her, not toward Quaritch. Even after this move, she trusts him not to attack her or anything. She pushes him behind her where he is safe. Sometimes the stuff ya’ll write her doing is wild to me.
Our man Jake Sully (I am a Jake Sully apologist) is 22 in the first movie. I am 23 guys, he’s baby. If I suddenly had three kids and another on the way (I’m including Spider) I would kill myself. No lie. That man is baby that is not a fully developed brain. The way that man soaks up any attention from Grace like he’s never even seen a parent before? Telling. The way he protects Grace and Mo’at specifically during the fall of the Hometree??? I was sideeyeing the hell out of you Jake. Jake and Neytiri needed a full 20 years of therapy and being parented themselves before having any children, first of all, but that’s not the cards they were dealt hmm? Jake is now the leader of a clan of people in a culture and a society and a planet and a species he knew next to nothing about three months ago. And now he’s PARENTING IN IT??? AND HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD AT IT?? AND ALSO THERE IS A WAR??? AND HE HAS MAJOR PTSD?? Anyways what I’m saying is it’s a miracle any of the Sully’s are alive, let alone turned out even remotely chill.
Saying that the adults around Spider failed him is absolutely correct and completely accurate. They also just were not really adults imo yet. They were barely there, kids who had to grow up way too fast to deal with horrendous things way too quickly, just like the kids in the second movie. Cut them some slack. The number one goal in foster care, family services, counseling, anything like that, is to keep families together. I kinda feel that way about Spider. He’s a Sully god damnit. Saying Ronal and Tonowari would be better parents is insane to me. Obviously, they would. There was no war going on for them, they have no past trauma, and they seem to be older. But idk man, I don’t think that’s his place. For me, found family is about mutual healing and growing with an odd little chosen family. No one is odder than that fucking human marine guy who became an alien and married an alien to have some alien hybrid children and now they gotta officially adopt that weird human kid that’s always around.
(obv I’m still reading all ur Tonowari and Ronal adopting Spider fics tho)
#i've been trying to figure out exactly why tonowari and ronal adopting spider fics make me feel the way they do#which is super uncomfy whenever neytiri or jake are in any scene#or the sully kids sometimes#an exception being i'm still here by alexihollis which i think really confronted the complexities on the situation#and the fact that imo ronal would never and will never like a human unfortunatly#and i think its that jake and neytiri were also basically kids in a warzone in the first movie#and all the decisions they made parenting wise they made kinds still as kids in my opinion#barely adults#too young#jake sully#neytiri sully#jeytiri#miles spider socorro#spider socorro#spider sully#mo'at#eytukan#grace augustine#tonowari#ronal#sylwanin#sully family#avatar#avatar the way of water#james cameron avatar#melissa og#melissa on avatar (cameron)#melissa is an english major
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As Swindle comes off of hiatus, I (Artsy) would just like to say a few things.
I firstly just want to say a big personal thank you to everyone who’s been so patient during this hiatus. I’ve been dealing with a lot over the months that this comic hasn’t been updating and I’m still just keeping my head above water as it is. To those who are so empathetic, so kind, so understanding, thank you. You guys are a big reason why I continue working on this comic, and I am really excited for you to see where the story goes.
Lord knows that I’ve dedicated more than enough time complaining about the small but vocal group of people who have been rude - sometimes excessively so - to both Lolly and I as we work on this comic, and I’d like to not spend a terribly long time dwelling on it, here. I probably won’t mention if for a long while after this post. At the same time, it’s worth noting that we’ve done a lot to try to discourage and manage this behavior with... mixed results. We’ve blocked people for repeated rude behavior, we’ve banned people from our Discord server for rude behavior, we’ve closed our askbox during the hiatus, we’ve introduced an FAQ - and people have evaded being blocked by making throwaway accounts, and we’ve had an incident of an individual making a new Discord account to evade a ban, and people don’t read our FAQ. It’s all really frustrating.
I think, for now, at least, we’re going to only open our askbox to non-anons - though this won’t do too much to prevent throwaways, it’ll at least convolute the means through which people can harass us. So apologies to the shy but kind individuals who had been using anon peacefully, maybe sometime we’ll open it back up again.
Additionally, I’ll like to just once again ask for anyone who hasn’t to check out FAQ, please. It’s in our pinned post for a reason.
Somewhat related to that - mostly that it’s something that’s been covered in the FAQ, is that I’ve noticed an increasing number of people who have been saying they discovered the comic via re-uploads on tiktok and pintrest.
And. Wow. That hurts. It hurts to know, to think about. I know it’s inevitable, trust me, I know this is just the inevitable result of posting anything on the internet, but god, it sucks.
I don’t know how many of you following this blog are artists, but it’s a big long topic that I don’t really have the space or patience to lay out for all of you in this post - this is art theft. We do not allow, we say it right in our FAQ point-blank, we do not allow people to reupload the comic elsewhere. Dubs are fine, again, we’ve covered this, they’re transformative, they offer an experience unique to just reading the comic. But un-voiced reuploads that do nothing but present the comic in a slideshow? That’s stealing. It’s hurtful, and it’s wrong. Both Lolly and I have dealt many times with our work being stolen and we’ve made our stances on reuploads of our work pretty clear on our own blogs.
Please, if you see someone doing this, report them. The only “official” accounts for the comic are this blog and our promotional Instagram page, swindle.comic. If an account is uploading the comic, un-dubbed, they do no have permission to do so, and they need to be reported.
I really don’t expect this to be the last time I have to say something like this or about this, because I know that this comic is going to take a long time to complete and so we’ll always have newcomers who can’t reasonably be asked to sift through the entire blog for posts like these. But for now, I hope it helps keep the interaction with this comic more respectful. I don’t think the people who do this stuff even realize that their behavior literally makes this comic more draining to work on than it should be (which leads to more burnout and hiatuses) - or I wouldn’t be making posts like this at all, because if they did know, they therefore wouldn’t care, and telling them would be pointless. So I hope this serves as a decent reminder that we’re human beings, and we and our work deserves to be respected.
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Rest for both wicked and weary
Notes
The eleventh of October is my birthday, but no congratulations needed — I only celebrate by gifting things to other people. Please have this piece dedicated to @dragon-tamer-1, who I value endlessly. The prompt was Error and Dream relaxing peacefully; I'm not sure if it's particularly fluffy, there's definitely some angst here, but even more Hurt/Comfort.
。。。
Dream prepares for his visit to the Anti-Void painstakingly. He wears clothes of soft gray shades, only leaving the tiara and the cape untouched, so it doesn't bother Error's weak eyesight yet has enough colour to attract his attention. Then Dream gets a cane — in the Anti-Void, vast and ever-changing, you don't believe your eyes; you stay vigilant and keep your step light, weightless almost. Luckily, Dream isn't a normal skeleton, he just has a body of one; and even that can be corrected with the right training. Or just experience, he supposes; oh, how he used to shamble around, making Error laugh, before he realised he could use a cane. Like a blind being, only he is indeed blind in the Anti-Void, like all not-errors are. He's a stranger there, and since he can't become an error, an unwelcome one.
Dream sighs, putting on thin gloves, just in case. He's ready now.
It takes time to focus properly — the Anti-Void is utterly chaotic, constantly rebuilding itself, and full of creatures beyond comprehension. Some of them are capable of feeling, some aren't, some feel but so differently Dream is left confused — he's too used to his empathic abilities.
But eventually, finally, he finds the right being. So he teleports.
Error instantly spots him, even though Dream appears behind him. He might be half-blind with that poor eyesight of his, but his intuition is impeccable — at least when it comes to beings with souls, which Dream is.
"I was waiting for so long," Error complains, irritated. "How many tries did it take to find me?"
"Just one," Dream smiles widely. "It took more time, but I managed to find you in one try." He knows he sounds very proud of himself, but that's okay. With Error, he's allowed to feel and think unapologetically. Error, though he demands attention, lets Dream go just as easily. And besides, they teach each other many things — Error knows how to be selfish very well indeed and learns from Dream how to be more empathetic and considerate.
They work together quite nicely.
Lost in his pride, Dream forgets to use the cane and immediately trips and falls — not right on his face though — there are blue strings keeping him airborne. He giggles awkwardly and says, "Thanks."
"Yeah, yeah, tell me how great I am." Error doesn't turn around but Dream knows he grins. He can't help smiling in return.
"You can put me down now, you know," Dream half-suggests, half-asks while wiggling slightly to try and untangle himself without Error's help. Tough luck.
"As if you could escape on your own!" Error gloats. "I hold the entire universes, a small guardian like you doesn't stand a chance!"
"Yet Ink manages," Dream disagrees carefully.
"That cheater doesn't have a soul. You do."
Now that's something Dream hasn't pondered over. Not right now either — as soon as Error sets him free, he scurries to his blue bean bag chair — this time using the cane, of course, — and sits down — lies down almost. It's warm and soft. Cozy. So big it's more of a bed than a chair; which might as well be true, there's nothing else here resembling a bed, and Dream knows for sure Error loves sleeping.
"Where did you even get your bean bag from?" Dream asks, ready to hear it's stolen like chocolate from Underfell and the lives of innocents from any other AU.
Error doesn't reply instantly. Dream even considers standing up and looking Error in the sockets to see what's wrong, but then he finally says, "I actually don't remember. Like it's always been there, maybe even before me."
Who knows, it might be true. The Anti-Void contains and loses all sorts of creatures, after all.
Error sounds distressed like he always is when his memory acts up, so Dream hurries to roll closer and asks, "A pinkie?"
"A hand," Error replies, every sound of a single word glitching.
Dream gives him a bare hand — he still hasn't found gloves tender enough to pacify Error's glitching fits. For some reason it's easier for him to touch Dream's bones than any fabric they'd tried.
Perhaps it's time to ask if Error has any idea why. When he gets better, of course. Hopefully it doesn't last long.
Dream squeezes Error's hand and gets a squeeze in return. At least he's conscious and not rebooting…
"You feel… different. There's more, er, something other than magic in you. Magic in skeleton-monsters or even monsters in general is more solid than whatever you're made of. Not even ghosts are anything like you." Error explains.
"Positivity," Dream clarifies. "I'm made of positity. Not entirely, my bones are just that — magical bones; but even those are covered with positive energy. And my eye-lights, my insides, my attacks are all pure positivity."
"Well, that explains it," Error shrugs. "You're basically so much of a sunshine it overwhelms my phobia and cancels it. As much as it can be canceled, I suppose."
"Does it really help though? My presence, my… touch?" Dream pauses before the last word, feeling all warm yet uncertain.
He knows it does. And knows Error knows he knows. But hearing the answer and believing it are two different states of mind. Dream's yet to reach the second one.
And so Error answers absolutely honestly, "It does."
The two of them then sit together, still holding hands, resting in peace and quiet.
Later Error might or might not steal a book or a few and make Dream read to him, and Dream will read, silently reminiscing about the days of old, when his brother was alive but not happy, not since the villagers came to be. He loved the books though, and loved reading them to Dream, though the little guardian of positivity was beside the Tree less and less, helping the villagers where he could, and then where he couldn't but still did, because people demanded. The memories are bittersweet, and even later Dream will share a few with Error, and Error will listen attentively, and then share his own foggy memories of the past, full of inconsistent and even missing bits.
"A hug and a trip to that version of Outertale I found?" Error asks suddenly.
"Sounds like a plan," Dream beams. Error rarely requests hugs but that just makes them even more precious to the guardian of positivity.
So they stand up — Error effortlessly, Dream's with a bit more difficulty, he's not exactly used to furniture like Error's bean bag, — and embrace.
"Is the texture of my clothes still good?" Dream asks when they let go of each other.
Error nods, grinning, "Perfect, as I deserve."
"Glad to hear that. Outertale?"
"Yeah. It's unlike most of the AUs where some people manage to evacuate. True genocide, nobody left. You won't feel a thing, not a single grieving or furious soul," Error looks at Dream with pride.
"That's… really smart, actually." Dream says thoughtfully. "Nothing to make me stronger, but also nothing to make me weaker or attract Corrupted."
"Of course it's smart. It was my idea after all." Error boasts and opens a portal. "You first."
Dream smiles at him and makes his first step into outer space. He's not afraid; he won't be alone in its solitude.
。。。
Notes
Lots and lots of headcanons here!
Anti-Void being full of non-existent things, Dream's true nature peaking through his skeleton form... It was really nice to finally share those.
Also very proud of the title choice here. It came to me naturally. I instantly knew — that's it. As perfect as anything in this world can be.
#anfie writes#anfie writes one-shots#dream!sans#error!sans#romance or friendship? I'd say something in-between#utmv
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