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cow-rants · 3 days

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Fair warning: this post is in regards to the recent Assassin’s Creed: Shadows trailer. I will talk about my thoughts and feelings regarding race. Thank you.

I’ve been a massive fan of Assassin’s creed (AC) since I first saw my uncle playing it at 7 or 8 years old. I’m a massive history buff and the idea of being able to experience the past through the eyes of an ancestor is such a brilliant idea. Not mention the concept of a secret war being fought through out the centuries is always fun. But as of late, I haven’t been really excited for a new entry. Odyssey was the last game I really played and it was alright, but I’m personally not a huge fan of the new RPG mechanics (although I do understand why they were implemented).

Valhalla looked interesting, but didn’t really feel like an AC game to me. So I put it on my “to play later” list. Mirage looked far better and I definitely do want to play it, but I honestly just haven’t felt a super big pull to pick it up. But when I saw that AC was finally going to Japan, I was ecstatic. I adore Japanese history in general and the Sengoku period is full of interesting conflicts and characters that would fit perfectly with the assassin’s and the templars.

Although they went with some pretty standard people to showcase, such as Oda Nobunaga, I still think they have a chance to do something really interesting story wise (of course, reserve all real judgement for the gameplay reveal. But I’m mainly just talking about the story). Especially with the portrayal of Yasuke. From what I could tell, it seems like his story will be one of disillusionment, possibly betrayal, and redemption. Certainly a story we’ve seen before, but it’s still interesting to see Yasuke in something as big as AC.

Before I get into the more unfortunate discourse regarding Yasuke, I absolutely have to talk about Naoe. See, what caught my eye about her was how she and my OWN AC OC have very similar stories. Well, I don’t know for sure. But they certainly share a similar experience, which is watching their families be butchered by Oda Nobunaga’s armies. It’s not much, but by the gods does it make me pretty happy. My OC’s name is Minori Kishimoto and she’s one of my favorites, so seeing a canon character with some similar traits is kind of exciting for me (okay, very exciting).

Anyhow, back to Yasuke. As soon as I saw the trailer, I knew I was going to see people saying something stupid. So I checked both the comments on the video and twitter. And I was certainly not mistaken. So so so many bad takes and ridiculous arguments that, honestly, only go to show either mild racism or straight up hatred toward African people. Not to mention the fact that they completely ignore Naoe as a protagonist. I guess she must be the greatest assassin of all time.

From what I understand, a lot of people are upset that for a Japan centered AC game, there is a black protagonist. Which, again, ignores Naoe entirely. The biggest argument I have heared against Yasuke being one of the protagonists is that he wasn’t actually a samurai. To which I say: False. Incorrect. Mistaken. Wrong. Factually incorrect.

The primary issue here is the fact that many people refer to him as a retainer. A title that he never officially held, as far as I’m aware, but even so that still makes him Samurai! Looking just at the facts of his life, he was respected by arguably the most powerful Daimyo of that time, earned his trust, received a pension, received a sword, and received property. So then the question becomes: what exactly makes a person a samurai at this time? Because I can tell you one thing, it isn’t noble blood.

A peasant man was once hired by Nobunaga to do a multitude of tasks, one of which was to hold his sandals. This man would soon prove himself to be capable of all of his tasks as well as in the art of war. He would become a powerful man and rise through the ranks until he held the rank of Taiko at the end of his life . That man was Toyotomi Hideyoshi.

If Hideyoshi’s story proves one thing, it’s that at this time anyone could rise to become a daimyo. So then, why wouldn’t Yasuke also be considered a samurai? We’re not even trying to claim he was a daimyo, just that he was a samurai. Retainer, bodyguard, slave, whatever. The fact is that the man was 10000% a samurai and was a respected one at that. To claim otherwise is to prove yourself ignorant in the history you claim to be proficient in, and incompetent at backing up your argument.

Not to mention that from a writing point of view, it’s a brilliant move. Yasuke was not super well recorded and thus is relatively unknown to others. Which makes him perfect for being a:

1. Fish out of water character

2. Real person, that can be treated written like a fictional one

All of this to say, I think that this newest Assassin’s Creed has a chance to become one of my personal favorites. As well as putting the series back on the map for many. But, with no gameplay and an already worrying pre-order package, I’m worried to say the least. Only time will tell, but I look forward to it.

#assassin's creed #assassin’s creed shadows #video games #ac yasuke #AC Naoe #rant post

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myname-isnia · 3 months

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Suddenly got this really weird off-putting feeling in my chest that I usually get when I’m about to cry over something, but also with some general iffyness thrown into the mix, and for once instead of immediately giving in to it or getting pissed at my mind I tried to figure out where it came from

Turns out I would have been completely justified in getting pissed at my mind because turns out, the cause is that I thought about a fic concept I was really excited about a few months ago that I never ended up writing because I couldn’t get into the flow from the very first sentence. I thought about it for a whole five seconds and now we’re here. Fucking great

#I need the ability to shut my brain off bc it’s always dead set on making me upset #yeah no shit I’m depressed and passively suicidal of course my mind is my worst enemy. but still. very mature thing to get hysterical about #and like. I barely even tried with that fic. I was riding that Astraphobia high back then #and thought I finally managed to achieve what other writers always went on and on about re: enjoying writing #yeah I know. I spent years writing without once enjoying the process or the final result. idk why I kept at it for so long #so I was feeling genuinely unstoppable and when the idea came to me I was super excited about writing it #but then I wasn’t really sure how to start it or how to even go about describing what I wanted to go down #I typed up a few sentences and it all just felt extremely wrong #so instead of acting like the adult I nearly am and like. leaving it to sit for a while as I gathered my thoughts #or trying out a few other approaches or starting with a different scene and filling the rest in later #I just threw a fit over it and abandoned the whole fic #but I still really like the idea and would like to see it realised. and who’ll do that if not me? kat has her own stories to worry about #so every so often I remember that excitement I felt at the prospect of getting to write it #and how quickly it faded when it didn’t feel as effortless as most of astraphobia did #and how that really felt like the greatest betrayal because it seemed as if the spark I spent so long trying to cultivate and light #was just doused with freezing water right in front of me. by my own mind no less #so… I suppose that betrayal will continue to haunt me still. probably until I pull myself together and write that fic #regardless of the pain and tears it will cause. and I know it will. that’s what forcing fics out always feels like #and I’m saying forcing out fics bc the only time I felt like an actual writer was when I wrote Astraphobia #all the other times I was just stubbornly shoving the wrong puzzle pieces together. or forcing square shape into round holes like a toddler #but regardless. I will keep remembering the idea and feeling like shit over failing at it unless it gets written #by me or kat and it shouldn’t be her job to write fics for me bc I’ll throw a fit if she doesn’t #exaggerated. but the point is there. I can’t expect anyone to disarm the triggers in my brain. only I can do that #and if writing that fic will stop me from getting hysterical at the tiniest thought of it. then it seems like I’ll have to see to it #even if it takes a huge mental load. it’ll be worth it in the long run bc I’ll have one less writing-related thing to cry about #I just wish I knew how to go about it better. I have clear ideas about the main part of the fic but the inciting incident + details evade me #I guess I’ll just have to figure it out. I have to stop saying ‘it is what it is’ and continuing to stew in the self hatred #something needs to be done. and in this case the only thing that will remove the trigger is the fic being written #I think part of me always knew that but tried to ignore it and hoped those feeling would fade with time. but of course they didn’t.#so… I guess it’s never been clearer what I have to do. my fate is in my own hands. one trigger less certainly wouldn’t hurt

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borathae · 6 months

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"PMSing is hard. Thankfully you have a boyfriend who is the most patient and understanding person on earth, even if he is currently the target of your mood swings."

Pairing: Yoongi x f.Reader

Genre: established relationship!AU, Slice of Life, Fluff

Warnings: she is pmsing really hard, mood swings, a little unnecessary fight, Yoongi being the most loving and understanding person ever, he's also a cutie, she can't be mad at him for long <3

Wordcount: 1.5k

a/n: where are my fellow PMS-sufferer? we're really out there fighting battles. istfg boongie <3 i miss him so much :( he'd be such a patient booboo 😔

You were mad at him. And it was his fault because he messed up. You are currently renovating one of the greenhouse flower beds and realised in the middle of renovating that you didn’t have enough plants to fill the bed. So you asked Yoongi to go to the plant store for more and he returned with the wrong plants. Okay fair enough, maybe you are a little overreacting as well. As a matter of fact, you are very much overreacting. But it’s only a few days till your period starts and your hormones seem to hate you this month. You are constantly upset about the silliest of things and everything seems so very difficult to handle. Yoongi coming home with the wrong plants felt like the greatest betrayal in history to you. You accused him of not listening to you while he pouted at you and told you that he mixed up the names at the store, which you obviously didn’t believe because he “is a stinky liar”. Truly the fight was very unnecessary and way too dramatic for something as silly as plants, but you were upset nonetheless and so Yoongi left to allow you to cool down.

Speaking of Yoongi, he is back in the greenhouse again after leaving you to calm down. It has been a little over an hour since he left.

“Princess?”

You tense up at his voice, feeling weirdly tingly in the stomach. Not in a good way, but in a guilty yet also very annoyed way. You weren’t ready to face him yet. You still had to get over the embarrassment of acting like a child, but also the annoyance of having the wrong plants.

Maybe if you pretend that you can’t hear him, he will leave again.

“My flower princess?”

You furrow your brows. Damn him and his stupid, cute nicknames. They work too well.

“What?” you grumble.

Shuffling of feet, then the sound of something being put down next to you. You sneak a glance at it. There is a basket of the correct plants next to you. Yoongi must have gone back to the store to get them. Your heart flutters, your eyes burn in the desire to cry. He is so sweet and lovely and amazing and you are such a bitch.

“Look at what I got”, he says.

“Mhm.”

Yoongi squats down next to you.

“Are these the correct ones?” he asks with hopeful eyes.

You nod your head, turning away from him slightly. You are aware that you’re being childish right now, but if you look at him for too long you will start crying uncontrollably.

A defeated sigh from him, then you feel arms around you and lips on your cheek.

“Are you still mad at me?” he asks in a whisper, rubbing his hand up and down your arm.

“Yes, you’re stinky.”

“No princess, don’t say that. I’m not stinky.”

“Yeah you are, you stinky meanie.”

“___”, he whines, pulling you into his chest, “I already said I’m sorry and I got the right plants, please don’t make it so hard.”

“Well, I heard you but decided that I’m still mad.”

“And there is nothing I can do to make it better?”

“Don’t know.”

“I could make you a snack.”

“No, don’t want to eat.”

“Well then how about I give you head scratches?” he offers, nuzzling his nose into your hair as best as possible.

You shiver at the feeling, but decide to stay strong.

You huff out air and pout.

“I could eat your pussy”, he whispers, letting his lips brush against your ear.

It sounds tempting and makes you tingle.

“Yoongi”, you whine, “stop.”

He chuckles lazily, “was that a yes?”

“No, you’re being unfair and mean.”

He laughs, placing a soft kiss to your ear, “I’m not. I’m fighting for my life here.”

You roll your eyes and wiggle yourself out of the hug, abandoning Yoongi on the ground as you stand up. He looks up at you with pouty lips and sad eyes.

“Thanks for the plants”, you mumble and kick a small imaginary pebble.

“Am I forgiven?” he asks.

“Don’t know yet”, you say and turn to leave the greenhouse.

“Princess please”, Yoongi begs, scrambling to his feet. He trots after you, “princess love, please don’t be mad at me anymore.”

“Go away, you stinky”, you tell him.

Yoongi pouts, following you outside.

The garden is coming along greatly. The flowers and grasses are growing, bees and insects are buzzing and your herbs drench the air in amazing scents.

You lead the way along the narrow nature paths. Yoongi follows until the once narrow paths break up into a lowly cut meadow. Crossing it and one would reach the vegetable garden. You are strutting to it confidently.

Yoongi jogs to catch up with you and goes in for his move. He grabs your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours tightly.

You continue your walk, but slow down a little. Slower. Slower. Slower.

Stop.

Two steps and you would be by the vegetable beds.

The wind tickles your shins, the sun is shining.

You turn, looking at your intertwined hands then at Yoongi.

He is squinting his eyes because of the sunlight.

“I won’t let go until you stop being angry at me”, he tells you, squeezing your hand.

You’re not really mad at him anymore. As a matter of fact, you think that it is incredibly cute of him to hold hands as a way of making up.

You take a deep breath and release it as a sigh through your nose. Damn him and his cute methods. You’re being a meanie. You take out your sunglasses from your dungaree front pocket and slip them on his face as best as possible. Yoongi helps you with it, snatching your other hand as well once finished.

“Really?” you ask him, holding back a smile.

“Yeah. Really”, he says, swaying your hands gently, “I could do this all day.”

“What if I have to pee?”

“You can’t pee if you can’t drink. I can do this all day.”

Fine, he’s got you. You laugh, lowering your head.

“You’re stinky”, you murmur.

“What?” he insist with a smile.

“You’re stupid!” you blurt out, meeting his eyes, “stop making me laugh.”

“Why? Cause it’s hard being mad at me when you gotta laugh?”

“Yeah.”

Yoongi chuckles. He steps closer, caressing your knuckles.

“Does that mean you’re ready to forgive me?”

You pout, “you’re unfair, you know? I tell you to leave me alone and you go and make me hold hands.”

He smiles, “it’s the best way to make up.”

“No, the best way’s kisses.”

Yoongi takes the opportunity and smooches your cheek. Then your other. And one last right on your lips.

He moves back, meeting your playful, coy gaze.

“Like this?” he asks.

You roll your eyes and grin, swaying your shoulders from side to side.

“Yeah, I guess”, you murmur.

Yoongi scrunches his nose. You lower your eyes, swinging your hands from left to right gently.

“Soo am I forgiven?” he asks quietly.

You nod your head.

“God, you stubborn baby, you. Making it so hard for me. Com’ere”, he says, pulling you into a hug.

You fall into it gladly, hugging him as tightly as possible with your eyes closed. He smells so good and pets your head just perfectly.

“I know, I’m sorry”, you mumble into him, “I don’t feel good lately. PMS is hitting me hard this month. I’m sorry, I try not to be so upset about everything, but everything feels like the worst thing ever.”

“Mhm, I know”, he speaks softly, rubbing your back, “I’m here, princess love. Okay?”

You nod your head, smiling softly when he kisses your head. You love hugging him so much.

“Oh god, Yoongi now I’m crying”, you confess, sniffling into him sadly.

“God princess, don’t cry”, he gasps, hugging you tighter.

“It’s just that you’re so cute and perfect and, and I’m always so mean to you, oh god I’m the worst girlfriend ever”, you say and let out a little sob.

“No you’re not. God princess love, it’s okay. It was one time and we made up. God, come here”, he chuckles, swooping you off your feet to bounce you in his arms, “let’s get you some tea to drink, yeah?”

You nod your head, hiding your face in the crook of his neck as you sob over the silliest of reasons.

“Fuck princess, I’m letting you drink something, which means you’re gonna have to go pee. I’m breaking my own promises here”, he jokes in hopes of making you laugh. It works perfectly, you are giggling and snickering into the crook of his neck, clinging to him like the cuddliest koala. He laughs softly, patting your butt, “you’re cute. Even with your mood swings.”

“Noo Yoongi, don't say that. I’m sensitive today. I’ll cry again”, you whine.

“Okay, okay sorry”, Yoongi laughs, making you snicker as well.

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di-writes-stuff · 6 months

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Sad Beautiful Tragic

Phillip Graves x Reader

A/N: I need to write more angst in a way I can’t quite describe.

TW: References to Graves betrayal and all that entails. War stuff, canon typical violence, suggestions of smut but no real descriptions. No happy end.

Summary: In which you look back on your relationship with Graves during his court hearing.

“Hang up, give up, and for the life of us we can’t get up.”

I hate him.

You’ve been forcing yourself to remember that for the past few hours. Watching that damn bastard, the sly smirk on his face every time he knows he’s winning the case. The same one you used to find endearing, now just puts a pit in your stomach that makes you wish you hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning.

You could scream. You want to scream, about how it’s not fair, about how you could’ve loved him, how you did love him. You want to pound your fists against the ground, throw the cup clenched in your hand at his stupid, handsome face. Marr it until you don’t feel that nagging, instinctive affection every time you see him.

The one that quickly fades—for the most part—when you remember what he did. That he prioritized being Shepherd’s little bitch over his comrades.

Over you.

Anger’s powerful. It’s a great, if not the greatest motivator in the world. But coupled with passion? With a love so fierce you would have died for it?

That burns. Drips through you like hot acid at any reminder of betrayal from the trusted.

And that is exactly what you feel when you look at him. The hurt comes first. The shell shock from what he did that still hasn’t quiet faded. Then the anger, and then the melancholy. The kind of animalistic need to get back to how it was before he ruined it. The clawing, desperate kind of fight you’re waging everyday just to believe the lie you think yourself to sleep with.

I hate him.

And yet, it always seems to end the same. The glaring correction at the end that you can’t admit to anybody around you, or yourself.

I miss him.

Overwhelmingly. Painfully. It keeps you up at night. It exhausts you in the day. It separates you from every other member of the task force. Because they can do it. They can hate him for what he did without a second thought.

It’s not as if they don’t see it. The tears that pinprick the corners of your eyes every time his name comes up. It really shouldn’t come as a surprise. From the very start, he’d been chasing you, and you were standing still.

For what felt like the hundredth time today, you were laughing. Smiling. Happy, really, truly happy. All thanks to Phillip Graves.

From what everybody said, you’d really hadn’t thought you’d like him very much. Cocky, horribly flirtatious, stubborn, and risky as all hell. All true, of course. Although, from where you were standing, it seemed like the whole “flirt” part was understated, extremely.

A smirk played on his lips as he stood just too close to you at the control panel of the helicopter, breath fanning over your neck as you drop yet another bomb onto the currently empty base. The mission was simple enough, bomb the enemy base, wipe all their supplies, intel, everything. Without anybody around to retaliate.

Well, it was supposed to be simple. You’ve found focusing has become quite difficult with constant flirtatious praises falling from the lips of the man behind you. “Atta girl.” His voice is husky behind you, a soft chuckle leaving him as you exhale shakily at his comment.

You’re sure you’ll get plenty of shit for this back at base, after all, you aren’t trying very hard to disguise how much you’re enjoying this. At the very least you manage to respond to this comment rather than the breathy laughter he’s been receiving. “You wanna take over? I wouldn’t wanna take all the credit.” You force yourself to meet his eyes, ignoring the way your stomach flips when he smiles at you.

“I think I’ll let ya have this one, doll.” The pet-name sends you snapping your eyes back to the control panel, trying to calm the vivid blush spreading across your face. The self satisfied smirk on his face only growing wider at your response. You clear your throat, your words coming out a bit shaky. “Very generous, Commander.”

He leans in a bit closer, his lips ghosting the shell of your ear. “Oh, I always am.” The suggestion held in those words sends heat pooling in your stomach, the skin he barely even grazed burning after his touch. Later, he’ll give some proof to that statement.

And God, he was telling the truth.

Your attention is suddenly brought back to the court in front of you, and you’re back in reality. Snatched away from the pretty memory you’d allowed yourself to live in for just a moment. From before he did what he did. Before he ruined everything.

The judges question sends a hush over the room, the one everybody had been waiting to hear Phillip’s answer to. “Did you act on those orders, Mr. Graves?”

Your breath hitches in your throat as you remember that night. Those orders, the ones to kill you and every other member of the 141. The warnings he’d tried so hard to give you, without ever really telling you the truth. Phillip Graves was not the pleading kind, but for you? He’d do it. He did do it.

“Please, baby, I’m begging you. Don’t do this job.” He asked for what felt like the millionth time, trying to keep quiet as to not be heard through the thin walls on base.

When he’d asked to come over, you’d thought it was for the normal reasons. Apparently not, because rather than tangled under bedsheets, you two were fighting over his strange request that you didn’t understand in the slightest.

“Phillip, I have a job, I’m gonna do it.” Your voice is stern, unyielding to his pleas. You can’t help but feel unnerved by the look in his eyes that looks an awful lot like terror. Pure, unbridled fear that he refuses to explain to you.

He takes your hands in his, kneeling down to be eye level with you as you sit on the edge of your bed. His eyes are bloodshot, supposedly from crying. Something you’d never seen the man in front of you do. “Please, sweetheart.”

“I can’t have you on this job.”

Except you were on that job. There to see the horror in his eyes as he realized that along with everybody else, he’d have to betray you too. That he’s have to ruin everything you had.

You still remember the way you’d screamed at him that night, as Ghost dragged you away into the temporary safety the city provided.

“I hate you.”

The words that were ripped from your throat by him, the ones you never wanted to say, but you did. The ones you couldn’t convince yourself of anymore. You’re not even sure if they were true then. Although, you think you come close to it as you hear him answer the judge.

“No…Absolutely not, sir.” Gasps and whispers sound throughout the court, but the only thing you hear is his words repeated over and over in your mind. You try to find the lie, to find some loophole to make his claim false.

But the worst part is, he’s telling the truth. He didn’t kill you, nobody in the 141 was dead, or even seriously injured. Soap walked away with a few new scars, but that was about it.

He didn’t act on the orders.

It should make you feel better, that technically, he refused. That maybe, you could forgive him. But you know you won’t. You know you can’t. Not after all this. Not after the things he made you feel in such rapid succession.

First, love. Burning hot passion that took over your every thought. Then hatred, feigned or otherwise. Then grief as Soap came back with the news that Graves was KIA. Everybody still remembers the way you’d sobbed, animalistic gasps for air coming up from your throat as tears poured from your eyes. They’d heard it all from the closet you locked yourself in. But at the very least they’d had the decency to pretend they didn’t.

Now, you don’t even know what you feel towards him. You can’t exactly say you don’t still love him. Not honestly, at least. A part of you hates him, but not enough to make it true. Not enough to deny the relief that flooded you once you saw him in front of you that day, breathing, whole, alive.

It took every bit of strength in you not to react as he walked into view on the call with Shepherd. That same smirk on his face that never seemed to leave fully, but faltered a bit as his eyes landed on you. You, who stood seemingly emotionless, you who prayed he couldn’t see the tears forming in your eyes over the call.

You, who couldn’t take it anymore as he cracked the same kinds of jokes that used to make you laugh as he whispered them to you in the middle of the night, your head laying on his chest. Everybody noticed the way his smile dropped for a second as you stormed out of the hangar. Because despite his own ego, despite his constant need to please, the only approval he ever wanted was your own.

It’s the same reason now that he risks turning around to look at you, to see if any hint of approval, or even love still lingers in your eyes.

The same reason his heart shatters as he sees what he’s been dreading this whole time. Hatred, written all over your face as you stare him down. Of course, he’s oblivious to the war being waged inside you just to keep your expression still. To the way his eyes locking with yours still sends shivers running down your spine. Memories flooding back of his hands on your body, his eyes locked with yours as hushed, strained whispers fall from his mouth in between groans.

You don’t even think he realized he’d said it that night, too focused on the feeling you gave him to even notice the words he was saying. It wouldn’t be outlandish to think he hadn’t meant it. To think it just slipped out in the midst of his euphoria, triggered only by the high you were both so rapidly approaching.

Although, now that memories are all you’ll ever allow yourself to have of him, you like to believe he meant it. That deep down, those whispered words were true, unlike the ones you’ve been trying to convince yourself of.

“I love you.”

A/N: Sometimes I’m writing and it’s just like lalalala silly little angsty fanfic 😇✍️ and then all of a sudden this deep, grumbly little demon voice pops up out of nowhere, a single word accompanying it.

👹dick👹

digital footprint goes wild.

- di <3

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after-witch · 2 months

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the audacity to write one of the greatest pieces of fiction ever grace this country ✋

seriously though, how you described the reader, the reader’s history and the culture of quaint tourist towns really immersed me, and how that lends itself to a seemingly innocent summer’s fling with Chrollo. but you just know SOMETHING is wrong and that’s proven correct by the increasing number of murders between a couple of days until it culminates in the climax which is even MORE terrifying, gory, and kind of sexy(?) that’s everything I want in fanfiction!!!!

I just loveee the inner-conflict the reader has between the recent tragedies and Chrollo, the fear and confusion during the concert, THE CHASE SCENE, , the betrayal that Chrollo’s been apart of it this whole time, And ofc Chrollo’s condescending /selfish/manipulative personality really shows itself by the end which just twists the knife.

I do wonder though, Fetian kinda felt like he was a little transfixed on the reader. Initially I thought he was just looking for another victim, b u t he continued to casually stalk the reader a little(?) It seemed personal to me when he broke the reader’s hand. Is that just because he was curious why Chrollo was attached to the reader? I would love to know!!!

Ohhh what a lovely message, going on my metaphorical fridge.

I'm glad you liked it! WAS THE CLIMAX SEXY…. maybe, maybe.

Poor reader. They just wanted a hot summer fling, maybe a whirlwind romance, and look at what they got.

IMO, Feitan was interested in reader as entertaining food. Although I do think, given what happens to reader, it's not impossible that he might become a little attached to them in another way after all, down the line. ;)

#i blame locke for my feitan + chrollo x reader fascination.#like of all the people for reader to attract... lord have mercy on them.

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pileofsith · 2 months

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Hello there (no pun intended),

I do not have any questions regarding the Grand Inquisitor/Nameless comic per se (which reminds me of the fact that I still need to leave a comment on Ao3), but I just wanted to say that you rewired my brain with the page on which Tion Medon talks about a young Grand Inquisitor being taken in by the Jedi without him knowing that the guy in front of him is actually the person in question (and the Grand Inquisitor looking kinda like a kicked puppy). I'm especially obsessed with the line "Very polite child, very sweet, but so very timid." due to the sharp contrast to who and what the Grand Inquisitor has become.

On another note: I also love that one piece of yours that depicts the Grand Inquisitor scrambling on the floor, all bloodied up, after Darth Vader backhanded him as punishment for his failure on Lothal, because it just makes so much sense, especially after reading Charles Soule's Darth Vader series (2017). The way the Inquisitors are depicted as both abuser and abused in it is really fascinating, which makes me wonder whether Vader ever maimed the Grand Inquisitor like he did with the other Inquisitors. Do you have any thoughts on that? Also sorry if I'm assuming too much! You referenced the Grand Inquisitor's strained relationship with Jocasta Nu very early into the Grand Inquisitor/Nameless comic and since it was a bigger plot point in the Darth Vader series (2017), it felt like a natural conclusion. I'm currently trying to finish a little character study on the Grand Inquisitor, which is mainly based on that source, and your comic was a very big inspiration for me to even try writing down the first draft.

Either way, have a nice rest of the day! Can't wait to see more from you!

Hello! Huge thanks for your awesome ask and your kind words, made my day! Thank you for reading the comic!

And please do share what you'll create for your character study, I'd love to read it! :)

So: I have only read a few snippets from the comic series, but have definitely used them as a basis to expand on the Inquisitor's character - I'd love to read the whole thing, however, I don't know where to find it!

"The way the Inquisitors are depicted as both abuser and abused is really fascinating" <- This is 100% my opinion, too! I have a lot of thoughts about them that I have a hard time putting into words, but this really sums it up, thank you!

For my comic, I admit I am definitely woobifying him a bit, but I can't really help that when I write stuff about villains, I just tend to make everything three shades nicer than in the source material. :-/

But I do try to keep his main personality intact, I just glaze it over with a more sympathetic view than I expect a canon explanation could offer.

This is the pic you referred to, if anyone's wondering (it's super old but still checks out, lol):

I do not think Vader ever maimed him like the others, but I think he would have opportunities to casually injure or torture him, if he ever feels like it the Grand Inquisitor goes out of line. Having said that, I do think the Pau'an seems to be perpetually aware of the risks in working with Vader, as he does carefully defy some of Vader's decisions with a verbal objection, but he never tries to contradict him further if his input is dismissed.

My pet theory is that neither Reva nor the Grand Inquisitor were ever maimed as a lesson in loss because they had both already survived loss events that filled them with enough rage: for Reva, it's the massacre of her Temple friends. For the Grand Inquisitor, it's the end (betrayal?) of the Jedi Temple Guards he was dedicated to.

I also find it interesting how Vader reframes his own greatest "weakness" in Jedi terms - dealing healthily with loss - into a template for how to teach others how to turn into darksiders.

I generally think Vader treats imperial inquisitors similar to imperial officers - useful if competent, but ultimately expendable, and free to use as a squeaky toy to vent frustrations. For the Grand Inquisitor, since the Pau'an is really arrogant and thinks so highly of his own intellect, the most efficient way to put him in his place would be for Vader to flaunt his own Sith powers against the Pau'an's humble dependence on him, to deny him some knowledge or to humiliate/humble him in some way...

About "Very polite child, very sweet, but so very timid":

When Jocasta and the Grand Inquisitor fight in that comic, he says something along the lines of how he never felt he belonged among the Jedi. I thought that was a really good starting point to imagine his life decisions. What brought him from being wholly dedicated to protecting Jedi, to becoming a hunter of the very group he vowed to protect? It's such a contrast! There has to be some nice, meaty psychology there to dig into and explore.

I imagined him as a subconsciously lonely sort of child, being from a much longer-lived species than anyone else (and in an Order that values detachment, perhaps one would diagnose that as a problem), so that when he grew into a detached, bookish individual, he sought to gain belonging in the Temple Guard as a permanent fixture around which to base his whole life. But then the Jedi Order starts shaking at its foundations, and he wants to escape, but his particular ~*°special-secret-Force-magic°*~ vows to the Temple do not make it possible to just walk away like Ahsoka or Dooku did. And that leads to inner tensions and a pull to the Dark Side, eventually.

#pau'an inquisitor #star wars rebels #pau'an #ask #long post #THANK YOU #I would love to give a more intelligent and thorough reply as you deserve <3 but my brain is being a bit foggy

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cloudninetonine · 2 years

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Linktober: Nightfall

You just needed the toilet

That was all.

Not a bloody heart attack, in the form of shining eyes within the bush by your camp, when you phone light, guiding your path back, had hit the shrubbery as you returned. Normally, in such a situation you would have screamed to the high heavens as such a sight, but with exhaustion hailing over your body you couldn’t even manage that, only leaping about two feet in the air before slamming back down the falling right back onto your arse as you quietly cursed the night for such a bastardly thing.

“Twilight you twat.” You hissed, Wolfie leaping out from his place then trotting to your side with apologetic whines. “I just went toilet and somehow still nearly pissed myself.”

The noise that had left him was something similar to a laugh and you pushed his snout away in annoyance, the artefact’s magic not too loud as he transformed back to his usual self, smile still visible through the darkness.

“Stop smiling you look stupid.”

“Oh but my love you should have seen your face, one for the books and I’m sure the Champion or the Sailor would have loved to catch such a photo-” His laugh was muffled behind your hand, but his body still shook with his chuckles, your face sour as his own movements shook you while he wrapped his arms around you. “So lovely, even in your bed-wetting shock.”

You moved to pinch his ear, letting the smile that you were fighting break on your face at his little yelp and mocking face of betrayal.

“Listen, just because you’re doing your rounds doesn’t mean you get to jump scare me like some fucking indie horror shit show.”

“...Your references still continue to be one of my weaknesses, I see.”

This was nice. As much as you loved your partner but even with his brothers he still seemed to keep his walls tall, a barricade to how he usually felt. It was the big brother act, of course, he wanted everyone to know they could come to him, could rely on him and while he was able to humour those around him, it still felt rare to see him truly relaxed like this, melting into your grasp and joke.

You were soft for him in these moments, you were soft for him all the time but to see him like this really made your heart flutter. In theory, it must have been the freedom of the night, you knew the connection was there and you knew why- it didn’t anger you though, you understood and in all honesty, under the light of the moon you felt a lot more comfortable.

“Such beauty.” Twilight whispered after a few moments, brushing his hands over your cheeks, “Shouldn’t be tainted with such a hardened face.”

You smiled “I’m just thinking.”

“About what?”

“How nice it is to share this time with you.”

The way the concern on his face melted away was something you would cherish, you cared for him and he cared for you just as much. It meant a lot, of course, it did, but seeing it was nothing short of the greatest gift he could have given you- his love and care.

When his hands moved underneath you, you couldn’t help the yelp but giggles followed quickly after as he hauled you into his arms without effort, taking steps towards the direction you guess the camp lay.

“Let us return, we wouldn’t want to cause the others worry.”

His face lit up a rosy red when you pressed an agreeing kiss to his cheek.

#linked universe #linked universe x reader #lu #linked universe imagine #player au #a player's aid #linktober #linktober 2022 #lu Twilight #lu Twilight x reader

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asm5129 · 1 year

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Flash Thoughts 9x04

Okay now THAT one was top tier. Javicia Leslie was by far the MVP, she was KILLING it this episode. Her acting at the ending was a bit much, but still pretty solid. Still, it is clear she is not getting the quality of material or directing she got on Batwoman--and yet she’s STILL KILLING IT 99% of the time.

tbh I hope they give her a lot more scenes out of the Red Death suit because it's an absolute crime to have her face and voice hidden or to give her classic Batman lines instead of her own. Actually on that note, lets talk about her origins

So, she’s not Armageddon Ryan, and tbh I think that’s a HUGE missed opportunity. But you know what? She’s still great. The idea that she was adopted by the Waynes is definitely an intriguing angle to play. This is a Ryan who grew up in privilege, who never had to deal with the things that made OUR Ryan a hero. this is also a Ryan who never had a Batfam, it seems--so no one to bring her back from the edge like they did when Earth Prime Ryan nearly killed Hush. I think it’s absolutely a mistake to make her not Armageddon Ryan, but I can accept that’s not the direction they wanted to go, and this could be still be plenty amazing--at least, we know Javicia will be.

That suit up scene in the West-Allen apartment was amazing tbh, and i’m intrigued by the twist that Red Death is NOT the new Negative Speed Force Avatar. I do like how she’s twisted what happened in her world in her head--that The Flash betrayed her, that he went crazy and became evil--to give herself the role of hero. I think that’s super interesting. Actually the entire Ryan/Iris standoff was great, from the acting to Iris’ journalistic instincts to the peek into Ryan Wayne's psychology, to the overall incredibly tense atmosphere--it was all really good. Definitely the highlight of the episode.

I have always had mixed feelings on Mark, so i can’t say i was particularly impacted by his sacrifice--but i do appreciate that he did change just enough with Frost that he couldn't completely commit to the betrayal.

Also, red death’s line about “seeing the best in your enemies, but the worst in your allies” is really interesting, I like it a lot. That and her absolute contempt for criminals are great peeks into her psyche.

Speaking of peeks into a characters psyche, i love how deeply that contrasts with Barry mourning the loss of Thawne’s life. Barry values all lives, even that of his greatest enemy, and he’s always going to wish a life wasn’t lost. Also it makes me feel better about what I felt was a pretty significant inconsistency with the saving of Thawne at the end of Armageddon. There’s still some inconsistencies and hypocrisies there, but I'm not too hung up on them.

Allegra and Chester FINALLY getting on the same page is nice. That’s about all I have to say about that. Still great chemistry between the actors.

And i really like Joe’s conflict. He has a chance to be a father again, and try to do things a little better this time--and whether central city is a place for that is a legitimate question. Even though he agreed to stay, the look on his face makes me think this conflict is not over. He still wants to leave, even if he doesn’t want to take away Cecile’s chance at being a superhero, or imply to Jenna she wasn’t capable of it.

And that’s about it. I’m excited for next week!

And i can’t wait for Ryan Wilder to make her grand return in the near future and face off against Ryan Wayne. That’s gonna be a hell of a thing.

#the flash #flash thoughts #the flash season 9 #flash spoilers #ryan wilder #ryan wayne #red death #javicia leslie #chillblaine #joe west #flash cw #batwoman cw

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 2 years

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[The Ten Commandments] are, after all, the only passages in the Bible so profound that the creator of the universe felt the need to physically write them himself and in stone. As such, one would expect these to be the greatest lines ever written, on any subject, in any language. Here they are. Get ready...

You shall have no other gods before me.

You shall not make for yourself a graven image.

You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

Honor your father and your mother.

You shall not murder.

You shall not commit adultery.

You shall not steal.

You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant, or his maidservant, or his ox, or his ass, or anything that is your neighbor's.

The first four of these injunctions have nothing whatsoever to do with morality. As stated, they forbid the practice of any non—Judeo-Christian faith (like Hinduism), most religious art, utterances like "God damn it!," and all ordinary work on the Sabbath—all under penalty of death. We might well wonder how vital these precepts are to the maintenance of civilization.

Commandments 5 through 9 do address morality, though it is questionable how many human beings ever honored their parents or abstained from committing murder, adultery, theft, or perjury because of them. Admonishments of this kind are found in virtually every culture throughout recorded history. There is nothing especially compelling about their presentation in the Bible. There are obvious biological reasons why people tend to treat their parents well, and to think badly of murderers, adulterers, thieves, and liars. It is a scientific fact that moral emotions—like a sense of fair play or an abhorrence of cruelty—precede any exposure to scripture. Indeed, studies of primate behavior reveal that these emotions (in some form) precede humanity itself. All of our primate cousins are partial to their own kin and generally intolerant of murder and theft. They tend not to like deception or sexual betrayal much, either. Chimpanzees, especially, display many of the complex social concerns that you would expect to see in our closest relatives in the natural world. It seems rather unlikely, therefore, that the average American will receive necessary moral instruction by seeing these precepts chiseled in marble whenever he enters a courthouse. And what are we to make of the fact that, in bringing his treatise to a close, the creator of our universe could think of no human concerns more pressing and durable than the coveting of servants and livestock?

If we are going to take the God of the Bible seriously, we should admit that He never gives us the freedom to follow the commandments we like and neglect the rest. Nor does He tell us that we can relax the penalties He has imposed for breaking them.

If you think that it would be impossible to improve upon the Ten Commandments as a statement of morality, you really owe it to yourself to read some other scriptures. Once again, we need look no further than the Jains: Mahavira, the Jain patriarch, surpassed the morality of the Bible with a single sentence: "Do not injure, abuse, oppress, enslave, insult, torment, torture, or kill any creature or living being." Imagine how different our world might be if the Bible contained this as its central precept. Christians have abused, oppressed, enslaved, insulted, tormented, tortured, and killed people in the name of God for centuries, on the basis of a theologically defensible reading of the Bible. It is impossible to behave this way by adhering to the principles of Jainism. How, then, can you argue that the Bible provides the clearest statement of morality the world has ever seen?

-- Sam Harris, “Letter To a Christian Nation” (2006)

#Sam Harris #Letter to a Christian Nation #Ten Commandments #christianity #bible #bible study #morality #religious morality #jainism #slavery #religion of slavery #religion #religion is a mental illness

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helpful-hardware · 2 years

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forces au time wheeeee

ill add onto this with more details as i think it out but ANYWAY

Gadget's backstory:

gadget is trans girl (hey now custom hero is perfect for some self projection)

she had transphobic parents (i didnt), and seeks out someone online that might be supportive

unlucky for her that someone is Zer0 (infinite before the ruby), an edgy pricc who seems nice enough at first

but soon enough revealed himself to be a canine supremacist fascist

shortly after that her parents somehow found out about gadget's online life and, well, ill spare the details there.

the war starts soon after and gadget is on the run, and feeling isolated

Sonic:

sega are fuckin cowards.. when yall say he were tortured for 6 months actually DO SOMETHIN WITH IT

anyway infinite psychologically tortured sonic with illusions. being drowned, crushed, you name it, he did it the bastard

worst part were seeing his friends die in gruesome ways, and developing massive guilt over being caught in the first place and letting them all down.

after being busted out he sees "oh shit, its actually a hellscape out there like in that teaser trailer"

determination to fight and to keep his emotions from being seen.

eventually we arrive at a final battle of sorts, sonic panics over the idea of friends dying for real.. combine that with chaos energy from the emeralds and

dark sonic emerges, no mercy for infinite or eggman

in fact he beats the latter to DEATH, shocking everyone including himself when the power dissipates

everyone gets a glimpse of how sonic really felt all this time and it aint pretty

after being looked over by the med team sonic isolates himself in a resistance dorm room

a few days after, shadow visits to check in on the poor boi

sonic spills it all out.. HE SAW THEM DIE-- HE LET THEM DOWN

shadow is understandably shaken, but does not hesitate to be there to comfort

oh and tails prolly distressed that his bro will never be the same again.. a fate worse than death? he aint sure but he isnt doin well either. no one is

After the war, with Gadget:

gadget found companionship in tails during the last few weeks of the war, but hasnt really opened up much

an offhand mention of having known infinite leads shadow to question gadget about it

that is all covered in this audio drama i made:

youtube

but tl;dw its war trauma on top of childhood abuse and betrayal and she cant really cope that well

shadow does his best (we love him for it) but its not an easy road to recovery for the wolf

oh and gadgets also sensitive to everyone else being ✨TRAUMATIZED✨ gahh she needs a hug..

surprise robo angst!:

okay this may just be inspired heavily by @wonderinc-sonic and their cyber virus au but anyway

eggman during the war sends out a virus to disable all eggtech, since he got word of some civilians hacking it

this means that omega, metal, etc will fuckin DIE unless they are out of those bodies

using pieces of some stolen scrapped tech relating to a "roboticizer" and a chaos emerald, the resistance is able to give our robo friends new organic bodies!

this is something none of them take well

omega takes a massive hit to her self esteem as her greatest trait, firepower, is forever gone

and metal... poor thing has been bottling up some feelings that let loose with the whole being a mobian thing

oh yeah both omega and metal are trans, and we got some metamy yuri as well

now back to shadow and sonic

shadow has ended up taking after sonic a bit in trying to be there for absolutely everyone even when there isnt much he can do

it takes such a heavy toll and team dark encourage him to reconnect with his old therapist because of it...

speaking of therapy! sonic.

his mental health has been absolutely shattered.. unfortunately to the point where he's been hurting himself

so his friends and shadow make frequent check ins while making sure that he is seeing a therapist for well, everything.....

it will be difficult as hecc but eventually everyone will (somewhat) adjust to this new era of mobius

after some time sonic actually starts feeling okay enough to move back into tails workshop

shadow comes by to check in and thats this other audio drama

youtube

the mental issues wont ever fully go away, but everyone is there for each other, and theyll find new ways to live

#forces au #sonic forces #sonic #sth #sonic the hedgehog #au outline #these mobians can fit so much trauma in them #what is wrong with me #gadget the wolf #infinite #hurt comfort #audio drama #Youtube #sonic au #chaos i wish i had the amount of support gadgets getting post-war #angst #shadow #ptsd

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lucid-stories · 10 months

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The World from the Stories

A Twisted Wonderland Fanfiction

⚠WARNING⚠

- Female reader

- Reader here will also be Yuu

- Reader will be able to conjure magic unlike the game

- This is a new creator's work so please bear with me or atleast I am trying to shift from being used to a chat fanfiction creator to the more classic type

- Actually on second thought, I want to name the person Aisha Eleni Lenore "Y/N" L/N so y/n is considered a nickname

-Reader gets transported into Twisted Wonderland

-Not proofread yet

_________________________________________

I watched in horror as my heroes fell. One of the greatest losses in the past decade was broadcasted for the world to see.

===============================

"The crown princess, her royal highness <insert mother's name> and the prince consort, his royal highness < insert father's name> has fulfilled their duties until the end, both as royals and as nobles. Their sacrifice will not be forgotten but this raises the question what is will be the future of our country? For the past thousand years there has not been an unnatural death in the family, could this mean-"

===============================

Irritated, I shut the broadcast down and threw the remote. "I get that they're worried because of the prophesy but can't they just grief for a moment for their fallen royals and just think about everything else after the mourning period" Unable to control her emotions with anger, sadness, betrayal, grief and fear, A hurricane accompanied by heavy snow and thunderstorms begins to brew.

*hik* "-What will I do now" She manages to choke out "Grandma, they're already gone"

"..."

"Is this really the price we have to pay after everything we've done for the sake of the majority? I don't want to be alone"

"..."

"Mom and dad are dead, my older twin brother is missing and I am only 10 years old SO PLEASE WAKE UP... I need you now more than ever... "

"..."

"... Something feels wrong, it's too... silent"

'smoke... Where is it coming from?'

I walked towards wherever it was coming from. I can't help but feel something eerie as if something is watching me. I turned to where I felt the gaze but there was nothing.

Everything felt off ever since I left my grandmother's chambers. I haven't seen a single maid or servant. Even the animals are quiet, a little too quiet for my liking. Not to mention the persitent gaze I feel behind my back every now and then.

Just when I turned back once again to check where the gaze was coming from, everything blacked out.

==================================

'I can't move but I don't think my limbs are binded together'

'How crude, it seems like they trapped me in a box'

I tried to banged on what seems to be a wooden cover from the inside hoping to attract someone however the lid opened before I got the chance to do so.

'I think that was a coffin... Is this the afterlife?'

"Please step forward and state thy name" The talking mirror said.

"Aisha Eleni Lenore L/N"

"As expected of the first female member of our prestigious school!"

The crowd's chatter is too loud to ignore but what caught your attention was what everyone was wearing and the talking mirror.

'Was this something like a sorting hat scene from Harry Potter? And did that mirror say first girl???'

"Child, your soul is compatible with all of the dorms, however, it seems that your blood has more connections to one dorm than the rest. As such, Diasomnia will be the best dorm for you as for now."

"We're done with orientation and dorm assignments? All right, new students—let me be clear. At Heartslabyul House, I am the law. Break the rules, and it's off with your head!" 'As much as I would like everyone to follow the rules, I think the off with your head thing is a bit too much. Probably a red flag, literally and figuratively'

*Yawn* "Well, that ceremony was as boring as ever. I'm going back to the dorm. If you're in Savanaclaw House, follow me."

"New students! Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your achievement.

As dorm leader of Octavinelle House, I am honored to have the opportunity to support you in what I hope will be a fulfilling campus experience." 'He gives off salesman vibes, do not approach unless absolutely necessary'

"Hey, does anyone know where the headmage went? He disappeared midway through the ceremony..."

"Some headmage he is." A voice was projected from a floating tablet

"Maybe he had a tummyache?"

"I certainly did not, I was just making whatever caused the alarm to go off was a false one. After all, I am so kind to prioritize the safety of my students."

*ahem* "I hereby declare that orientation has concluded. Housewardens, please escort your students back to the dorms.

...Hm? Come to think of it, I don't see Housewarden Draconia of House Diasomnia anywhere."

"And that surprises you? Dude's a total recluse." A man with lion ears stated mockingly

"Wait a sec... Did anyone even invite him?"

A guy who looks like someone who stepped out from the screen suggested, "If you're that worried about him missing out, maybe you should have told him yourself."

'I agree if you want to make sure something is done then you have to do it yourself'

"Maybe, but I don't know him too well either..."

Student A: Draconia... Like, Malleus Draconia? THAT Draconia?

Student B: So it's true? He really does go to school here?

Student C: Yikes.

"Ah. Just as I'd expected." A child looking person with red eyes sighed. "I figured I'd come down and see for myself whether Malleus had made an appearance.

But once again, he was evidently not informed that his presence was required at an official ceremony."

'This Malleus person must have either too small or too big of a presence if people keep on forgetting him' (why too big, because people assume they have already ben invited)

" You have my sincerest apologies. I assure you, this oversight was in no way intended as a snub."

"I mean, you must admit, he's not exactly the easiest person to strike up a conversation with."

"No matter. All who were assigned to House Diasomnia, follow me." The vice-housewarden motioned for the first years to follow him.

"I just hope he doesn't sulk about this." He sighed.

_________________________________________

Timeskip to after they were sorted into their dorm rooms

_________________________________________

"... " >w< I tried to process everything, from the fact my parents died, somehow I got to this place, got sorted into a dorm and finally the fact that it was a school filled with males. Not to mention that this place is nothing like any place I bave ever read in the history and the modern aged books with exceptions to works of fiction. It was too much for my brain to take so I went to a corner and bawled my eyes out.

Feeling my eyes sting and no water came out after who knows how long, I picked myself up and around the room. After all, grandma always said that you will only lose when you give up.

'I will learn everything I can from this place so it won't be a waste' "..."

'but for a place I will be living in for the next (few) year/s, it's a little bare but nothing a few magic spells can't fix.'

-After doing the bare minimum, cleaning spells, creation spells for the bare necessities like the bed, food, clothes-

"I will finish decorating my place tomorrow... I promise"

_________________________________________

"You called, lilia-sama?-" A loud man with green coloured hair that seemed to resemble a lightning bolt said enthusiastically.

"Father, here's the information you asked." A person who looks like a prince inserted before the person before him could continue.

"Good, both of you are here" The man appeared behind them upside down. It seems like the senior does this quite as the 2 young ones were barely even fazed.

"Why is he bringing all the information we gathered for this year's first years?" The loud one asked. "We already checked everyone a couple of times before the entrance ceremony"

"No, not everyone" Silver rebutted. "There was no female student in the list"

"As I thought, I was making sure that particular student just slipped off my mind however, it's impossible as a female wouldn't be common on campus" Lilia added to Silver's. "There is no information in the entirety of Twisted Wonderland on this student. Sebek, I trust that you'll find out everything you can on campus"

_________________________________________

TO BE CONTINUED

#twisted wonderland #twst diasomnia #diasomnia #LUCID_STORIES #Twisted Wonderland x AFAB! Y/N #Reader Insert

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ash-and-books · 1 year

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Rating: 1/4

Book Blurb: Francesca Flores's The Witch and the Vampire is a queer Rapunzel retelling where a witch and a vampire who trust no one but themselves must journey together through a cursed forest with danger at every turn. Ava and Kaye used to be best friends. Until one night two years ago, vampires broke through the magical barrier protecting their town, and in the ensuing attack, Kaye’s mother was killed, and Ava was turned into a vampire. Since then, Ava has been trapped in her house. Her mother Eugenia needs her: Ava still has her witch powers, and Eugenia must take them in order to hide that she's a vampire as well. Desperate to escape her confinement and stop her mother's plans to destroy the town, Ava must break out, flee to the forest, and seek help from the vampires who live there. When there is another attack, she sees her opportunity and escapes. Kaye, now at the end of her training as a Flame witch, is ready to fulfill her duty of killing any vampires that threaten the town, including Ava. On the night that Ava escapes, Kaye follows her and convinces her to travel together into the forest, while secretly planning to turn her in. Ava agrees, hoping to rekindle their old friendship, and the romantic feelings she'd started to have for Kaye before that terrible night. But with monstrous trees that devour humans whole, vampires who attack from above, and Ava’s stepfather tracking her, the woods are full of danger. As they travel deeper into the forest, Kaye questions everything she thought she knew. The two are each other's greatest threat—and also their only hope, if they want to make it through the forest unscathed.

Review:

A queer retelling of Rapunzel featuring a vampire who has been trapped in an attic by her mother and drained of her powers and experimented on by her stepfather and a witch who wants revenge against the person who murdered her mother... they have a complicated past and their reunion will be unlike any other. Ava is a root witch, she was turned (killed) by her mother who is a vampire and a root witch too, all so that Ava will be turned into a vampire... and an immortal power source for her mother to use to drain her of her powers. All the while her stepfather Zane experiments and abuses her while her mother turns a blind eye. Ava is chained and trapped in a tower and wants nothing more than to finally escape. She yearns to be reunited with her best friend and the one witch she loved, Kaye... yet Kaye is not as she remembers. Kaye is a flame witch, branded as an outcast and a traitor after her mother betrayed the town. Her mother was murdered leaving Kaye all alone in her grief and anger. Kaye wants nothing more than to finally kill who murdered her mother and she has been training to become a deadly vampire killer... and she particularly wants to kill Ava because on the day her mother was murdered Ava suddenly disappeared and the Kaye saw her mouth covered in blood letting her know that Ava has become a vampire.. and is probably the one who killed her mother. When Ava finally escapes she runs into Kaye and Kaye is determined to turn her in and finally be accepted by the town... yet things are not as easy as they seem as both girls find themselves involved in a much darker web from the killing of humans, a deadly vampire queen, betrayals, pain, and secrets all come out as they must figure out what is truly going on and how their mothers both were involved in this secret all the while working on their own complicated feelings for one another. Unfortunately this one did not work for me, I was so excited for this book and it just did not live up to my expectations. I mean queer Rapunzel with vampires and witches?? It sounds amazing, but I found myself bored with the storyline, not really invested in the characters or the romance, and the overall reveal was meh. I didn’t really like Kaye at all and the romance between Kaye and Ava barely felt believable or even there. I just didn’t see it working out between them and they had zero chemistry. The murder mystery and the overall town mystery wasn’t all that interesting and I honestly found myself just wanting this book to end. Sadly no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get into the story or like the characters. While this one didn’t work for me, maybe it’ll be a better read for you. I would recommend this for fans of fairytale retellings with a twist.

*Thanks Netgalley and St. Martin's Press, Wednesday Books for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

#book review #bookish #rapunzel retelling #book #ya fantasy romance #sapphic reads #lgbtq reads #lgbtq book

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buckybarnessunflower · 2 years

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Domino Effect Part. 5

Description: Bucky Barnes is Hydra's greatest asset, the world's top assassin. He never misses a target, but his latest mission involves YOU, the woman he loves, the woman with a broken heart because of him. You're on the run with your sister Natasha Romanoff, together you are the most feared Widow's, you know your ex will be the one sent to kill you and your sister. Will he do it?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Chapter Warnings: angst

Word Count: 1812

-Russia-

Brock Rumlow had a wide grin on his face, much like the cat that got the canary, as he made his way back to Pierce's mansion in Russia. He couldn't wait to tell him about Bucky's betrayal, if everything went according to plan he would become the boss's right hand man. Years of always being second best to Barnes was over.

Alexander Pierce was a busy man, Hydra was a large-scale organization with warehouses in every major city around the world, men and women following his ruthless command. Running such a large organization required intense attention to detail and a no-nonsense attitude. Alexander Pierce was a man of few words and had even less patience, word spread quickly that if he thought someone was wasting his time that their life ended there in his office, with a bullet to their head.

Brock walked into the conference room, all eyes in the room looked at him, Pierce stared at him with a glare, it was a known rule not to interrupt his meetings.

"Rumlow" he practically spat, "I wasn't expecting you, and as you can see you're interrupting my meeting, this better be important."

Brock felt a chill run down his spine "It is boss" he said.

"You're all dismissed for now," Pierce said, not even looking at the men around the table as they stood and walked out, his icy cold glare locked on Rumlow.

"Sir, I followed Soldat on his mission, he's helping the Widow's escape and to plan attacks on Hydra, he's in love with Y/n" he said, getting straight to the point.

Brock did not expect Pierce to smile. "Sir he's betraying Hydra" Brock said, baffled at Pierce's reaction.

"Is that what you think Rumlow?" he asked, his face was void of any emotion making it difficult for Brock to read him. The wrinkles on his face became more prominent as his frown deepened.

"Sir I saw him kiss her, I followed them and was able to shoot him" Brock said, growing more anxious under Pierce's fierce gaze.

"Good work Rumlow, Soldat's story will seem more believable now" he said, turning around in his chair to grab a folder.

"Sir-" Brock started, even more confused than before.

"You really think I don't know about what's going on" Pierce said standing up making Brock's heart start to race. This is not what he expected.

"Tell me Rumlow do you think I'm stupid?" he asked walking forward until they stood in front of each other.

"No of course not" he rushed out shaking his head vehemently, hoping to convey that that wasn't his intent, hoping that he wasn't about to die.

"I know everything that goes on in Hydra. Soldat is on a mission to retrieve something for me, a mission that I gave solely to him. He is to get it by any means necessary. The Widows are playing checkers while we are playing chess." He said pressing a button on a remote making a video pop up on the wall.

Rumlow could see bodycam footage of Bucky and Y/n together, she was stitching him up, he could hear Natasha mention about a family and Bucky must have been convincing as they fell for how he was supposedly acting towards them.

"Sir....I.....I didn't know" he couldn't help but stutter out, completely dumbfounded at the new information.

"Of course you didn't. It wasn't your place to know and the only reason I'm not going to kill you is because you unintentionally helped his mission" Pierce said walking up to Rumlow again.

"Now get the fuck out of my office before I change my mind" he said watching as Brock scrambled to get out of his office, almost tripping over his own two feet in the process.

Brock was breathing hard as he ran to his room, terrified that Pierce would change his mind and kill him. He still had a mission, he didn't care what Pierce said, he was going to prove him wrong. He had seen the way Bucky looked at you, had seen the love so clearly in his eyes. No matter how good of an actor Pierce believed him to be, there was no way he could have faked the sincerity in his eyes as he looked at you.

-Italy-

Natasha watched intently as Bucky did something on his phone, she couldn't put her finger on it but something about this whole ordeal felt off. Too many things had happened over the course of a few hours, too many to be considered a coincidence.

Natasha knew that you trusted Bucky even after all the two you had been through together, she had seen the way you looked hopeful each time your eyes met that he felt the same way about you that you still felt for him. She had been there through the break-up, had seen the way your eyes stayed red with tear-filled rims. You could deny it all you wanted to but Nat knew you best and she was going to protect you. They say love is blind, she could only hope that your love for Bucky didn't cost you and her your lives.

Bucky tried to make things less awkward between you and him after the family comment but each time he tried to talk to you, you would leave. Bucky felt for the microscopic wire that had been attached to his shirt, careful to place it somewhere only he would know where it was at and somewhere that could not be easily found by you or Nat.

Bucky could feel Nat's eyes follow him everywhere he went, he had to be careful, she was getting more suspicious as the days went on and no Hydra agents had found them after Rumlow had attacked.

Bucky got up to close his door, across the hallway he could see you in your bed that you shared with Nat, sleeping peacefully. He felt his heart clench, feeling guilty at what he was doing, knowing soon that he would have to return to Pierce with the USB port and your blood on his hands.

Hands that he had once held you with.

-2 months later-

You could feel your gut sinking after the fourth Hydra raid You, Nat, and Bucky had completed in Madrid, Spain. Each raid had been relatively easy, the guards had been scarce in every location. Alexander Pierce was a man who loved to show off the power that he had, it was like he wanted you to destroy each warehouse. You couldn’t fall for his mind games, he wanted you to let your guard down under the false sense of security. “I don’t like this” you muttered after everyone got back in the car.

“I know, he has to be planning something,” Nat said, looking at you through the rear-view mirror.

“He could be planning anything, he has to know what we’re doing” Bucky said looking out the window to make sure no one was following the car.

-Later that night-

You volunteered to be the first to stand guard, your mind constantly mulling over every detail trying to figure out what it was you were missing. You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t hear Bucky walking up behind you, he ran his fingers over your wrist making you jump and quickly spin around to face him with your knife held at his throat. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” he said, placing a finger against the blade you still held at his throat and pushed it away.

“I see you still have the knife I gave you” he said with a smirk.

“What are you doing up?” You asked, choosing to ignore what he said.

“Couldn’t sleep” Bucky rested against the wall in front of you, searching your face for any sign of emotion.

The moonlight coming in through the curtains illuminated your face, highlighting the light blush on your cheeks. Bucky couldn’t help but think you looked ethereal standing there.

“You look beautiful” he whispered so softly that you almost didn’t hear it.

His words were like a gentle caress on your skin, goosebumps following in their wake making you shiver.

“Go to bed Buck, we have a long day in the morning” you said watching as Bucky nodded his head in agreement before clearing his throat.

“Right. Goodnight” he said before walking away.

Sleep did not come easy for Bucky, he constantly turned from side to side trying to get comfortable but his mind was restless with thoughts of you.

How was he supposed to kill the woman that he loved?

The breakup had not been easy, he longed to have you back in his arms. It wasn’t the thought of commitment that scared him because he knew without a doubt that you were it for him. Even after the breakup he didn’t look at other women, how could he when his heart belonged to you?

What scared him was the thought of you realizing that you deserved better than him. The thought of you and him starting a family together but you changing your mind and finding someone else.

The most painful was the nightmares he would wake up from where Pierce had taken you and your child away, killing or torturing the both of you to punish him.

Bucky knew he should have just talked to you about how he was feeling, but he also knew that letting you go would hopefully let you have a life that you deserved to have with someone better than him, someone not as broken.

All of that seemed so long ago now and with each passing day he wished he could go back to that. No matter how much pain the both of you had been in after the breakup he would rather endure that then to have to follow through with Pierce's orders to kill you and Nat.

-Russia-

Brock Rumlow had to think of a new plan, a plan to expose Bucky and still get the USB port from you and Nat. Pierce would thank him for saving Hydra and getting rid of you three pests. Brock knew he couldn’t do it all alone, luckily for him over the years he had made a few friends. People that like himself genuinely loved what they did; loved the screams from their victims as they were tortured.

Jack Rollins was blood thirsty and unhinged at times but he always got the job done.

Zemo was definitely the smartest, he knew how to get out of any situation and was multilingual.

Sharon Carter preferred mental torture over physical, she could break down any man and make him cry without the use of a weapon.

Their group was small but Brock had no doubt that it wouldn’t take long to find you and kill you.

<Prev.Chap Next >

TAGLIST:::::

@eclecticpatrolroadlawyeryer

#mob!bucky #mafia!bucky #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel imagine #black widow!reader #mafia!bucky barnes #mob!bucky x reader

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smooth-goat · 1 year

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1, 2, 3, 4, 10, 20, 69

lmmao mmost of these are from my hunter owl house playlist afjdsl

Welcome To Eden - The Wild Honey Pie Buzzsession -- Samia

And I'll love her forever but how could she know When I look in her grave and her cold fingers reach up and Rachel, I'm sorry for calling you by the wrong name It was just a suggestion

I really like the quick transition on "reach up and--Rachel" like whatever is happening at the grave is too difficult to talk about that the narrator has to switch subjects. And "I'm sorry for calling you by the wrong name / it was just a suggestion" is very Character for the Character Playlist.

2. Rät -- Penelope Scott

I bit the apple 'cause I trusted you It tastes like Thomas Malthus Your proposal is immodest and insane

The lyrics here are pretty dense writing, with the Biblical reference (which is a common throughline), the name of Thomas Malthus (anti-Irish, classist, genocide man), and the word "immodest" referencing Johnathan Switft's "A Modest Proposal", which satirizes Malthus. I think it's pretty clever writing.

I mean this is very much a song for the Hunter OwlHouse playlist. I could go into a whole infodump about Hunter and Belos and maybe I'll do that to you on discord afdjlks but basically there's a lot of little things here that work in addition to the basic premise of betrayal felt by a tech daddy role model.

3. Trouble -- Cage the Elephant

I said it was love and I did it for life Didn't do it for you

Something interesting for me there in those lines. About how the relationship was more about checking off a box and wanting a good life experience over the person they're actually sharing that experience with. Mostly though what I like about this song is the moodiness of it. It has this vibe of like, being lost in a city and turning round and round looking for where you're going, asking for directions but no one's talking to you, helplessly going in circles. Also, I like the "the wicked get no rest" line referencing another of their songs; I love when musicians do that shit.

4. Bumblebees Are Out -- Jack Stauber's Micropop

Kind of odd and difficult to pick favorite lyrics here because there're so few of them. But I put it on because of the unsettling tone, implicit child abuse, and the contrast between said abuse and disowning with picking flowers, and how even picking flowers can't be free from some pain.

10. Problems -- Mother Mother

You and me, we're not the same I am a sinner, you are a saint When we get to the pearly gates You'll get the green light, I'll get the old door in the face

I don't honestly have strong opinions about this song? It just fills a transition gap in the playlist for me. I do think though that it has a strong opening. I also like the line "Some go to baseball, some go debase a face they can't seem to save" because of the repetition of the "s" sound; I think that's fun and clever.

20. Art School Wannabe -- Sorority Noise

Maybe I'm my own greatest fear Maybe I'm just scared to admit that I might not be as dark as I think Maybe I am not the person That I never wanted to be

I like the commentary this song has about the persona of the tortured artist. How the creative community (in this case, the music world) places so much value in the romantic ideal of depression, when not only is the reality not that but also that wanting to be happy and recover is actually good; it won't make you a worse artist and it won't make you a less interesting person.

69 (nice). Campus -- Vampire Weekend

How am I supposed to pretend I never want to see you again?

I just think this song is fun and catchy fjdsakl And I think it's very evocative of the specific lifestyle of college casual sex: having "important" things to focus on but hooking up instead, learning how to navigate a sexual social life with new relative independence, and being in a fairly small and confined social space making it hard to avoid past encounters.

#ask meme #birdsong #asked and answered #spotify

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sixstepsaway · 2 years

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"After all, a lot of people elevate Ed high above Izzy and then argue that he brought his maiming upon himself." This is a REALLY good point, and I was considering something along that line. Ed takes Izzy's loyalty for granted. He is basically poised to give up a life of piracy in ep10, but feels no need to discuss this with Izzy, his literal first mate. It kinda comes off like, if he did decide to give up piracy, he'd assume Izzy would still be by his side. Like Izzy is just a close friend or PA following him around instead of a professional pirate who chose to follow Ed because he was an incredible pirate captain. Because the focus is mostly on Edward, it seems like people unconsciously slip into that same mindset. Izzy is just a bad friend trying to control Ed for no reason instead of a subordinate dependent on Ed's choices as captain for his livelihood and safety. Because Ed has forgotten his responsibilities and obligations as captain, some fans have forgotten they exist as well. They have the expectation of Izzy's support and loyalty, though, and Izzy is criticized when he isn't always understanding of his pirate captain boss's feelings. I mean, aside from the fact that nothing Izzy did justified mutilation and forced autocannibalism.

This is all incredibly true, nonnie. It ties into this meta I was pointed towards which discusses how Ed takes Izzy utterly for granted, and he really does. Ed assumes Izzy is his shadow and where he goes, Izzy will just follow, because surely Izzy and he will be of the same mind.

It makes me think that in the past, they were of the same mind. I buy strongly into the idea they built the myth of Blackbeard up together, that it was a team effort to take Blackbeard from Great Pirate to The Greatest Pirate Who Ever Lived (to quote Chauncey Badminton), and that they were a flawless team. In fact, the way they move together at the end of 1x10 reinforces this for me; they fall into step with one another very, very easily.

It also ties into the fact Ed just doesn't fuckin talk to Izzy! He just doesn't! Izzy in 1x10 is all, "I don't serve Ed, I serve Blackbeard, stop being terrible and go back to pirating!" with no idea that Ed is basically hoping to pack it in. He doesn't know Ed has made that decision, just that he was considering retirement (which is now off the table), and, in fact, Ed agreed that retirement isn't an option for pirates like them.

And, we yet again go back to that line from Oluwande I keep referencing: He and Jim and the other pirates are pirates not because they just felt like it and the life seemed Cool™, but because they have no other choice. And, much like this historical framing meta says, Izzy almost certainly has no other choice either, so when Edward is just, "Meh! No more piracy!" Izzy's entire life is flashing before his eyes and he's wondering what the fuck he's going to do if Edward takes everything out from under him - a crew, a ship, a captain, a trusted position. He'd have to rebuild it all from scratch, and that is very unlikely to be easy.

(Especially if he's sporting the mark of a traitor.)

And finally:

I mean, aside from the fact that nothing Izzy did justified mutilation and forced autocannibalism.

I have seen some people argue with their whole chest that Ed's reaction to Izzy picking on him for pining after his boyfriend was not, in fact, overblown or an overreaction, and that he was justified in what he did, and I do not like this one bit.

Furthermore, I...actually can't think of anything that I think would justify the mutilation and forced autocannibalism? If Izzy had maimed and tortured Stede, the mutilation and autocannibalism would be a matter of, "Let's not go as low as Izzy did," and would not be justified because it'd be what villains did, not what our protagonists did. Izzy's canon betrayal that nearly got Stede shot wasn't met with this kind of force. Izzy stabbing Stede was not met with this kind of force. Neither of those things deserved it, either.

Him being a bitch about Edward being a mopey shit that needed to pull his act together was not and will never be justification for what Edward did to him.

Because the focus is mostly on Edward, it seems like people unconsciously slip into that same mindset.

I think also we're sort of led by the hand to love Edward and see him in a positive, romantic light. Firstly, he's tall and attractive, which we all know has an unconscious bias (people think pretty people are more trustworthy etc). Secondly he's our second romantic lead, so we're meant to like and root for him! Thirdly, we're given consistent insight into his thoughts and feelings and his past.

Ed (and Izzy) come in from the outside in 1x03, but we're immediately given a window into Ed's cabin where they're discussing Stede, and a window into Ed's thoughts and plans when we're allowed to see him plotting with Izzy to kill Stede in 1x04. In 1x05 we're shown his vulnerabilities and we're given a flashback to his mom and how she was with him and what she taught him. We're shown that he just wants to fit in and be loved, but that society shuns him for it. And in 1x06 we're given an anxiety attack and a full blown flashback to his father's abuse and his first murder. We're shown all of these things to build empathy and sympathy for his character, so even when he does commit atrocities, or discuss his past atrocities, we feel for him and want to believe that he did those things because he had reasons (his father was abusing his mother, so he killed him!) or that he's choosing to stray from that path now and do better, which is admirable.

Izzy, meanwhile, we can only glean backstory and reasoning for by digging into his actions, words, accent, mannerisms, movements, choices etc. We're not given flashbacks, we're not given bonus information to chew on. We don't know if he had a mother who raised him, if his father was a great guy or beat him, we don't know who his first captain was, we haven't met his old friend he served with, we don't see the look of sadness on his face after he makes plans he doesn't want to follow through on. We're given windows, sure, but most of those windows end up framed from other people's points of view rather than Izzy's own (his behavior with Lucius we see mostly from Lucius's angle; for example when Izzy leaves the room we don't follow him, we stay with Lucius. That episode sub-plot was Lucius's sub-plot, not Izzy's) and we're not even given tidbits like Lucius's babblings about his mum thinking he was straight and the implication he had a girlfriend or wife once (not all beards are worn on your face, or whatever the line is) to cover his sexuality.

So people, as you say, unconsciously slip into the mindset that there is no depth, no reason. He's just a dick and thusly deserves horrible things happening to him, because Edward is the person we side with and are supposed to empathize with.

Which, I want to clarify, I do. I love Edward. I love him so much. He's just also an objectively terrible person who has a buttload of growth he needs to do before he should be trusted alone with people and weapons at the same time holy shit

I just typed "edward teach met" then "edward teach meat" then "edward teach mts" so I am going to bed now. Thanks for the message, hope the thoughts were up to the standard you've come to expect. Goodnight!

#izzy hands meta #ofmd #ofmd meta #edward teach #edward teach meta #ask #anonymous

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joy2paris · 5 months

Text

Thoughts on this article:

I wanted to do a full review after reading but I just keep having all these thoughts coming to my head whilst reading and I do not want to forget them. Some of these probably do not make any sense so they will definitely be edited at some point.

Really intelligently written and I love the way it sets up an idea, then breaks it down. She initially distinguishes between logic and emotion when reacting to the creator of something great exposed for doing/being something horrible and immoral. "we tell ourselves we’re having ethical thoughts when really what we’re having is moral feelings."

felt she was Woody Allen at points, felt connected to him by his "ability to stand in for the audience. The identification was exacerbated by the seeming powerlessness of his usual on-screen persona: skinny as a kid, short as a kid, confused by an uncaring, incomprehensible world." So the exposure of the abhorrent thing he did felt like a personal betrayal. separating art from the artist calls for us to have this kind of distance, but this feels like a betrayal against art itself in a way? as in when it is so good, you do take it on in this wholehearted way, when you truly connect with something.

Poses the question of: "It’s the voice of the middle-brow male critic, the one who truly believes he knows how everyone else should think. We is corrupt. We is make-believe. The real question is this: can I love the art but hate the artist? Can you? When I say we, I mean I. I mean you." - who gets to criticise

This is also all just fascinating to me after doing a philosophy essay on forgery in art - whether we can dismiss a piece of work that formerly was thought to be by a great painter after finding out it was actually a fraud - with the idea being we thought it was the great artist in the first place so surely the work should still be praised. I concluded that we should begin to view the work differently now, as our intentions within art our intrinsic to who we are as people and our life journey's.

I think holistically. And I would like to believe that moral issues are linked. It is also interesting because this writer also says "Allen is fascinated with moral shading, except when it comes to this particular issue—the issue of middle-aged men fucking teenage girls. In the face of this particular issue, one of our greatest observers of contemporary ethics—someone whose mid-career work can approach the Flaubertian—suddenly becomes a dummy". It is a wonder to me that people can be so aware of one thing but so disconnected from something else. Is that truly because he is not a woman so he will never fully understand?

"Heidegger has this notion of dasein and vorhandensein. Dasein means conscious presence, an entity aware of its own mortality—e.g., almost every character in every Woody Allen movie ever except Tracy. Vorhandensein, on the other hand, is a being that exists in itself; it just is—like an object, or an animal. Or Tracy. She’s glorious simply by being: inert, object-like, vorhandensein."

"Just as Manhattan never authentically or fully examines the complexities of an old dude nailing a high schooler, Allen himself—an extremely well-spoken guy—becomes weirdly inarticulate when discussing Soon-Yi. In a 1992 interview with Walter Isaacson of Time, Allen delivered the line that became famous for its fatuous dismissal of his moral shortcomings:

“The heart wants what it wants.”

It was one of those phrases that never leaves your head once you’ve heard it: we all immediately memorised it whether we wanted to our not. Its monstrous disregard for anything but the self. Its proud irrationality. Woody goes on: “There’s no logic to those things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that’s that.”

"I had a difficult time getting through Manhattan—it took me a couple of sittings. I mentioned this difficulty on social media, this problem of watching Manhattan in the Trump moment. (I fervently hoped it was a moment). “Manhattan is a work of genius! I am done with you, Claire!” responded a writer guy I didn’t know personally. This was a guy who had withstood many of my more outrageous social media pronouncements, some of which involved my desire to execute and chop up the male half of the species, Valerie-Solanas-like. But the minute I confessed to having a funny feeling when I watched Manhattan—I believe I said the film was making me “a little urpy”—this man stormed off my page, declaring himself done with me forevermore." - loved this part as I really resonate with it. A lot of men do have this extreme overreaction, so much audacity in the extremity of their appal at you. inability to comprehend it any other way...

"I had failed in what he saw as my task: the ability to overcome my own moralizing and pettifoggery—my own emotions—and do the work of appreciating genius. But who was in fact the more emotional person in this situation? He was the one storming from the virtual room."

I would have a repeat of this conversation with many men, smart and dumb, young and old, over the next months: “You must judge Manhattan on its aesthetics!” they said.

She rehashes a conversation about it between a male writer and a female writer, to which at one point the man says, “You’re just thinking about Soon-Yi—you’re letting that colour the movie. I thought you were better than that.” - I find that kind of ironic in itself, as this man is thinking holistically/conjoining her opinion with her existing self. Yet by this very comment, is asking her to do the opposite towards Woody Allen. Also, there is this complete right off - this one shot opportunity to be perfect that men apply to women. From this singular comment, this female writer is utterly written off in this man's eyes, forever. I constantly see the intersectionality of race and gender, as the same applies for the way a lot of white people view black people and even more so, the one-shot chance black women are given before they are written off (I see it every year in Love Island - a black female contestant does one bad thing and tarnishes the impossible standard the UK audience had for them, and the audience washes their hands of them and demands they are voted off at the very next dumping. Whereas, the white female contestants and even more so, white male contestants can spout whatever vile misogynistic shit they like and still make it to the final with adoring fans chanting their name, with forgiving comments like, "he didn't mean it, he's not his words etc". This is really making me realise we really cannot separate the art from the artist, as patriarchy and racism is intrinsic in all of our structures, consciously and not. Or, if we can separate the art from the artist, all women, black men and black women must be afforded the same privileges of separation. how is there any integrity to any of our words if we constantly compartmentalise our opinions about things and remove them from morality. Surely, art of all things is not objective? So why do we take an objective standpoint on them? Especially when the creator of these things has done abhorrent things? Because also, it feels to me, not only has this abhorrent person gotten away with not taking accountability, they also get to experience the highs of praise. In the same way a boy from my sixth for S assaulted people I love and know, it truly burns me inside that he is happy, smiling and enjoying the fruits of his life, with his sheep comrades around him, able to move on whilst my friends are still reaping the devastating consequences of what he did.

Linking to the love island example, this can also be identified in this years "I am a Celebrity Get Me out of here" - where raging racist Nigel Farage lands 3rd place whilst Nella Rose is incarcerated over something so insignificant that she said. Munya Chawawa is amazing in his humorous but informative take on this - he is so necessary as a figure in our current climate. I personally think it is ridiculous that these politicians can go on this show in the first place.

"Which of us is seeing more clearly? The one who had the ability—some might say the privilege—to remain untroubled by the filmmaker’s attitudes toward females and history with girls? Who had the ability to watch the art without committing the biographical fallacy? Or the one who couldn’t help but notice the antipathies and urges that seemed to animate the project?"

"A great work of art brings us a feeling. And yet when I say Manhattan makes me feel urpy, a man says, No, not that feeling. You’re having the wrong feeling. He speaks with authority: Manhattan is a work of genius. But who gets to say? Authority says the work shall remain untouched by the life. Authority says biography is fallacy. Authority believes the work exists in an ideal state (ahistorical, alpine, snowy, pure). Authority ignores the natural feeling that arises from biographical knowledge of a subject. Authority gets snippy about stuff like that. Authority claims it is able to appreciate the work free of biography, of history. Authority sides with the (male) maker, against the audience."

Me, I’m not ahistorical or immune to biography. That’s for the winners of history (men) (so far).

The thing is, I’m not saying I’m right or wrong. But I’m the audience. And I’m just acknowledging the realities of the situation: the film Manhattan is disrupted by our knowledge of Soon-Yi; but it’s also kinda gross in its own right; and it’s also got a lot of things about it that are pretty great. All these things can be true at once. Simply being told by men that Allen’s history shouldn’t matter doesn’t achieve the objective of making it not matter."

"When you’re having a moral feeling, self-congratulation is never far behind. You are setting your emotion in a bed of ethical language, and you are admiring yourself doing it. We are governed by emotion, emotion around which we arrange language. The transmission of our virtue feels extremely important, and weirdly exciting." - interesting, very interesting, especially in our current landscape of social media - the prioritisation of showing people that you are right etc. Writer is also addressing the faults of one themselves too (rephrase).

"In everyday deed and thought, I’m a decent-enough human. But I’m something else as well, something vaguely resembling a, well, monster. The Victorians understood this feeling; it’s why they gave us the stark bifurcations of Dorian Gray, of Jekyll and Hyde. I suppose this is the human condition, this sneaking suspicion of our own badness. It lies at the heart of our fascination with people who do awful things. Something in us—in me—chimes to that awfulness, recognizes it in myself, is horrified by that recognition, and then thrills to the drama of loudly denouncing the monster in question." - surely there is a barometer to all this? and I personally think the most important thing of all, is accountability in change. you are nothing if you do not see the wrong in the wrong things you do and on top of that, do not try to better yourself.

The critic Walter Benjamin said: “At the base of every major work of art is a pile of barbarism.” My own work could hardly be called major, but I do wonder: at the base of every minor work of art, is there a, you know, smaller pile of barbarism? A lump of barbarism? A skosh?

There are many qualities one must possess to be a working writer or artist. Talent, brains, tenacity. Wealthy parents are good. You should definitely try to have those. But first among equals, when it comes to necessary ingredients, is selfishness. A book is made out of small selfishnesses. The selfishness of shutting the door against your family. The selfishness of ignoring the pram in the hall. The selfishness of forgetting the real world to create a new one. The selfishness of stealing stories from real people. The selfishness of saving the best of yourself for that blank-faced anonymous paramour, the reader. The selfishness that comes from simply saying what you have to say.

I have to wonder: maybe I’m not monstrous enough. I’m aware of my own failings as a writer—indeed I know the list to a fare-thee-well, and worse are the failures that I know I’m failing to know— but a little part of me has to ask: if I were more selfish, would my work be better? Should I aspire to greater selfishness?"

The female writers I know yearn to be more monstrous. They say it in off-hand, ha-ha-ha ways: “I wish I had a wife.” What does that mean, really? It means you wish to abandon the tasks of nurturing in order to perform the selfish sacraments of being an artist. - bro this is also so interesting when thinking of the gender dynamics within my own family. My dad as an artist, my granny wanting to be one but could not in pursuit of her family whilst her brother freely could.

She mentioned a short story she’d just written and published.

“Oh, you mean the most recent occasion for your abandoning me and the kids?” asked the very smart, very charming husband.

The wife had been a monster, monster enough to finish the work. The husband had not.

This is what female monstrousness looks like: abandoning the kids. Always. The female monster is Doris Lessing leaving her children behind to go live the writer’s life in London. The female monster is Sylvia Plath, whose self-crime was bad enough, but worse still: the children whose nursery she taped off beforehand. Never mind the bread and milk she set out for them, a kind of terrible poem unto itself. She dreamed of eating men like air, but what was truly monstrous was simply leaving her children motherless."

"In a way, I’d been asking this question privately, for years, of a couple male writer friends I believe to be actually great. I write them both charming emails, but really I am always trying to find out: how selfish are you? Or to put it another way: how selfish do I need to be, to become as great as you?

Plenty selfish, I learned as I observed these men from afar. Lock-the-door-against-your-kid-while-you’re-working selfish. Work-every-day-including-Thanksgiving-and-Christmas selfish. Go-on-book-tour-for-weeks-at-a-time selfish. Sleep-with-other-women-at-conferences selfish. Whatever-it-takes selfish." this is all so fascinating. but also, can women afford to be this level? I don't think this world allows them to be. The would be branded as something worse than an art monster. Cast out of society even.

Maybe, as a female writer, you don’t kill yourself, or abandon your children. But you abandon something, some nurturing part of yourself. When you finish a book, what lies littered on the ground are small broken things: broken dates, broken promises, broken engagements. Also other, more important forgettings and failures: children’s homework left unchecked, parents left untelephoned, spousal sex unhad. Those things have to get broken for the book to get written.

Sure, I possess the ordinary monstrousness of a real-life person, the unknowable depths, the suppressed Hyde. But I also have a more visible, quantifiable kind of monstrousness—that of the artist who completes her work. Finishers are always monsters. Woody Allen doesn’t just try to make a film a year; he tries to put out a film a year.

My friend and I had done nothing more monstrous than expecting someone to mind our children while we finished our work. That’s not as bad as rape or even, say, forcing someone to watch while you jerk off into a potted plant. It might sound as though I’m conflating two things—male predators and female finishers—in a troubling way. And I am. Because when women do what needs to be done in order to write or make art, we sometimes feel monstrous. And others are quick to describe us that way.

Hemingway’s girlfriend, the writer Martha Gellhorn, didn’t think the artist needed to be a monster; she thought the monster needed to make himself into an artist. “A man must be a very great genius to make up for being such a loathsome human being.” (Well, I guess she would know.) She’s saying if you’re a really awful person, you are driven to greatness in order to compensate the world for all the awful shit you are going to do to it. In a way, this is a feminist revision of all of art history; a history she turns with a single acid, brilliant line into a morality tale of compensation.

Either way, the questions remain:

What is to be done about monsters? Can and should we love their work? Are all ambitious artists monsters? Tiny voice: [Am I a monster?]"

Claire Dederer is the author of the memoir Love and Trouble. She’s at work on a book about the relationship between bad behavior and good art.

wow, what an article!

I need to read Sylvia Plath so bad. I just know I will love her. I love Kate Chopin and I feel the are of a similar elk. I love Fanon and Aime Cesaire and Jamaica Kincaid. It is so interesting being the product of the kind of intersectionality/cross section I discussed. A black father and a white mother. There is a line somewhere that talks about what each possesses and the other can afford within these identities they hold. I can't wait to write my dissertation.

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