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pistatsia · 6 months

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Don Lorenzo: We all come from childhood (Part 1)

In fact, I have so many questions about Lorenzo that I'm just- I'm not ready to let him go. I love him so much. I really hope that someday we'll get a novel/chapter with him and Snuffy, because otherwise, the world would be too unfair.

He's good, caring, funny, the best, and generally-

Okay, this is where I'll stop and get to the point haha

(Here somewhere I'm looking too deep, somewhere I'm ignoring the farcical setting of Blue Lock. A lot here is based on my own experience (I also was thrown out of home by my parents when I was 13). Some things of course will be misinterpreted since the whole truth is known only by Kaneshiro-sensei. Also, consider the fact that most of the things described here are unconscious)

1. Relationships/Attachment

Lorenzo is a very loving and grateful person.

It is evident to anyone that his relationship with Snuffy is imbued with warmth and trust. Lorenzo genuinely loves him, he is willing to do anything for him.

Even his conversation with Barou is initiated in order to get him on Snuffy's side, going through all of his traumas and 'exposing himself' to Barou. Making himself vulnerable, because telling someone that you were once abandoned by your parents is like showing them that you have a flaw that made the most important people in your life disgusted with you. That you're wrong. It's like pointing at your chest and saying 'here's the heart, if you want to hurt me, hit me here'.

And he's doing all this to help Snuffy.

And it's obvious that Snuffy wouldn't have asked him to do that - it was Lorenzo's initiative. He loves him very much - even though Snuffy isn't perfect, and of course has made his mistakes (which you can't avoid when you're in your late twenties picking up a teenager off the street after a friend's suicide and career collapse). But that's something we'll get back to a little later.

Lorenzo doesn't pay attention to any of this - he doesn't care what else Snuffy could have given him. He's grateful for what Snuffy has already given him.

Speaking of his relationship with Barou, it's obvious that they both care for each other equally. Barou isn't rude to him (well, 'not rude' like classic Barou), he accepts him despite all the quirks (I'll come back to that too a bit later), and Lorenzo feels it. For him, Barou is a 'Snuffy' type of person, perfectly accepting and gentle, without the endless pull-push in affection. They're like a reference point that helps ground and gain confidence in the relationship with both of them.

Lorenzo is also quite open in his affections. He has a certain authority within the Ubers, giving them the command to "get to work". He doesn't avoid people or push them away in the fear of intimacy and the pain that follows, but reaches out to them himself. In doing so, he shows no visible fear of being rejected - on the contrary, he behaves as freely and even strangely as possible, without trying to adjust his behaviour to society's standards; behaviour that would make him 'his own'. Remember this moment, because it will be important a bit later.

He adores both Barou and Snuffy so much because they accept him without question. Like, you're like this, so what?

They accept him absolutely.

But why is that acceptance so important to Lorenzo?

2. Fear of abandonment.

I think it's redundant to say that having experienced this as a child, it's impossible to become a person with a completely healthy type of attachment. His parents, the people who brought him into this world, who were supposed to teach him how to live, feel and love, abandoned him in the street alone, leaving him to survive and starve. In doing so, apparently keeping his other two brothers for themselves. Lorenzo was the only one left behind. Can you imagine how a child feels after something like that? If they were kept and I was abandoned, I'm definitely broken, I'm disfigured on some primal level, I'm always worse.

I was already born wrong.

The fear of rejection is something that is 99% likely for Lorenzo to have.

Remember his motto: "Give me a job. Give me money. Give me love." What can a man whose most basic desire is love be afraid of? That he'll lose it.

Can you imagine what that does to the psyche? After such events, one can't help but question oneself. What did I do wrong? Why did things happen the way they did? If I had behaved differently, if I had stayed away from my parents, if I had been more obedient, would I have been kept?

Was it all my fault?

And he lived alone with these thoughts not for a day or two - but probably for years. He says that he lived this life already when he 'was little'. These thoughts may have been reinforced afterwards because he began to realize the moral wrongness of what he was doing to survive (stealing). The psyche can be very persistent in convincing us of bad things: you should have found another way, you let everyone down, Snuffy picked up someone who wasn't worth it.

Beyond that, as much as I like to portray Lorenzo and Snuffy as parent and child in my writing, it's likely that their relationship is more of a friendship. Even the graffiti caption in the moment where Snuffy picks him up says "who finds a friend finds a treasure".

Snuffy probably didn't live with Lorenzo for a long time - I think he picked him up, fulfilled his wishes, and then sent him to treatment and helped him with his football career. That's already a huge gift, and even more so for Lorenzo. They kept in contact, they saw each other often, they probably called each other.

But at the same time Snuffy was playing at a football club and winning trophies, which you can't do if you're not 100% invested. He was on constant travelling between countries and games. He just didn't have time to always be with Lorenzo - and it's likely that Snuffy (who wasn't given the "How to deal with a teenager abandoned by his parents and saved from starvation" manual) might not have thought about it. It would have been fine on his end. Why? Because Lorenzo, especially as a child, would not have shown him that anything was wrong - remembering the way his parents had thrown him out, he wouldn't have let it happen again. He wouldn't talk about his problems, he wouldn't impose, he'd do anything just to please. Just to be comfortable. Maybe even blaming himself for having those needs, because Snuffy already seemed to have done a hundred times more for him than he should have (from his point of view, of course).

He'd do anything to avoid causing trouble - only for not being left behind.

Imagine - getting someone's love, and not being able to feel it all the time? Constantly losing the only person who ever genuinely loved and cared for you and gave you a chance to start a new life, seeing him off on flights and likely for seasons to other clubs (it's not known how long Snuffy played for the Ubers, but it's likely he was under contract with them and then the club loaned him out to leagues in the countries where he wanted those trophies for Mick. Otherwise the chronology between Mick's death, Lorenzo's find and Blue Lock seems too compressed). It's in some ways even scarier than not feeling love at all ever. Because it's far worse to get love and then lose it again and again.

Even so, Snuffy showed him what it feels like to be loved. He gave him purpose and a new life. He gave him an understanding of that healthy basic need that Lorenzo is so eager to fill - the need for love.

But then we look at his behaviour and we have... questions. Why is Lorenzo so embarrassing? Why does he act so defiant? Why doesn't he adjust to others like, for example, Isagi and Hiori, who were also afraid of being alone? It would seem that if you're weird, you'll never be accepted. If you don't fit in, you won't be loved. Yes, we can say that he just still doesn't fit into social norms because he missed the moment of childhood adaptation to this world, and just doesn't know how to do it. But as the conversation with Barou shows, he is capable of being completely serious in the right moments. He consciously behaves the way he is, without holding back.

We can say that Snuffy showed him that he could be loved for nothing, for himself, whatever he was. But still, after experiencing so many rejections Lorenzo would either fixate on Snuffy alone (only he cares about me, and no one else) or still subconsciously withdraw into a passive role in human relationships. Again, making himself comfortable.

But why does he behave like this in spite of this - making jokes about money, meowing and barking (I'm sorry), not shying away from making jokes about rivals and acquaintances? Why is he so uncomfortable for them?

Because the best defence is offence.

Most likely, when he was a kid, Lorenzo did tried to adjust to his parents. And obviously, even if he succeeded, they still ended up abandoning him. His strategy didn't work, and then it probably didn't work while living on the streets either. He tried to secure his safety, to make sure of it, but then he was tossed out of it.

And that's been imprinted on his memory.

It's both a defence mechanism on his part and an unconscious demonstration of "here I am, this is how bad I am". He was already rejected when he tried to fit in - so why try now, especially when he has Snuffy?

Think of how pejoratively he talks about himself. How he smiles broadly when he talks about his tragic past. He's being deliberately defiant - yes, I believe only money has power in this world, yes, I was a street rat. Why does he say this, if in order to be accepted he has to hide his flaws? Yes, the past may be impossible to hide, but other things?

Because if he says it himself, and if he laughs about it himself, showing that he doesn't care, it won't hurt him so much when others will talk about it.

He literally shouts with his appearance - that's how I am! I'm ugly inside and out, I'm a mess, I'm wrong! I'm impossible to love!

Because if he shows it first, he can endure it when someone else says it.

Are you saying I only care about money, Mihya? Ha, and I already know, I've already said it myself!

In a relationship, Lorenzo is prepared in advance for the fact that sooner or later this, in his opinion, ugly and vile essence in him, because of which his parents abandoned him, will be recognised, and he will be rejected again. And sets himself up a safe base so that this time it won't be as painful for him as it once was with his parents.

He adores Barou and Snuffy so much precisely because they accept this ugly shell without question. Like, here you are, so what? Sure, he probably doubts them on bad days too, but they're still like stable lighthouses for him.

So we've covered why Lorenzo acts so openly and perhaps even defiantly. It's a perpetual test of boundaries and a way to protect himself from rejection - how much of this will you take from me? Are you sure you're okay with this? Think again. I'm uncomfortable for you. I will always be.

But there's one thing that doesn't fit with his behaviour, even with that said.

His "There's nothing in this world money can't buy."

He is obsessed with money, explicitly saying that everything in life can be bought with it (of course, this is not necessarily true - sometimes people lie about themselves as well). He judges players by their stakes, and even calls Raichi worthless. But it seems that the love he longs for this much cannot be bought. And Lorenzo is well aware of this - 'money' and 'love' go separately in his motto.

Dissonance, isn't it? Seems strange for a man like him.

So we move on to the next part of the analysis.

3. A price of the man.

I'm actually very interested in Lorenzo's real relationship with money. I'm sure that because of this terrible background he is quite impulsive (I'll tell you more about this in the second part of the analysis), and more specifically impulsive in his purchases. Even if we're talking about ordinary ones - buying a more expensive juice in a shop, choosing an ice cream not on sale, accidentally buying an adult public transport ticket instead of a youth one. Any expense perceived by the psyche as 'unnecessary' must be met with guilt - either suppressed and ignored, or vivid. Because the psyche has no switch between 'here' and 'then'. It's used to reacting to trigger events according to a certain script that once perhaps helped Lorenzo to survive by avoiding unnecessary expenses. Except now everything seems to be fine, right? Money's there.

But you can't explain it to yourself so easily.

Let's go back to Lorenzo's statements about money and his attitude to it. He quite logically, after such a life, believes that money solves many problems, if not all of them.

But this stance of his goes a little further than the prices of things and services.

Remember how he was introduced to us as a character? He remembers the price of every player, he mocks Raichi, he's sarcastic in response to Kaiser's claim.

He asks - Michel, if I defeat you, will I be worth more than you?

Lorenzo still believes that people have some mythical 'value' that he alone cannot grasp. His brothers were more valuable than he was. His parents' lives without him were more valuable than he was. Every person who passed him in the street was more valuable than him.

He believes that on his own he was worth nothing - and that's why he was abandoned.

Remember what he says about his little self? Good-for-nothing. But it's not true. Lorenzo was a kid who just couldn't do anything under those circumstances. He didn't need to be good for anything - he needed to grow up and be a happy little kid. And he was robbed of that.

But he still doesn't accept it, mocking it.

The whole Mr Worthless thing with Raichi is an obvious reference to himself. Because he too, from his point of view, was once worthless. I'm worthless, so I don't matter and I'm nothing.

But why is this 'worth' of his so important to Lorenzo, especially now, apart from those people?

Because little children have nothing but themselves, and can give nothing but themselves and their love. But Lorenzo knows that he-child was not enough. He was worthless. He was not loved for who he was. But his brothers were loved. They were 'valuable'.

And this belief remained sitting inside him at a very deep level.

And, believing that on his own he is not worth love and never will be, what can he do but think of a way to still get it?

The way out for him is to 'earn' that love.

In fact, though certainly not intentionally, Snuffy's words probably played a role here as well. A deal, salvation in exchange for a football playing.

This only strengthened these beliefs Lorenzo had about himself and about living with a system of people's 'value'.

Snuffy didn't just give him 'money, work and love'. He gave him a way to earn it all. He gave him a way to gain this mythical 'value' that would guarantee his safety - that he would not be abandoned.

On his own, he didn't deserve to be saved.

But what did deserve saving was his talent.

The only thing that Lorenzo thought was valuable about him.

Snuffy's whole philosophy with football - a job that you earn your value with and see it in the form of rates and rental prices - actually suits Lorenzo very well. Because he doesn't feel valuable on his own - only in relation to achievements. And so this semi-comedic treatment of others as money is actually a terrible reflection of his same treatment of himself.

The more he's worth (again, the scene with Kaiser and "will I be worth more than you") the safer he feels.

Lorenzo is sure that he will be abandoned as soon as he makes a mistake and loses his 'value'. And the only way to avoid that is to stay 'valuable'.

Yes, rationally he probably knows that Snuffy won't abandon him. That Ubers care about him. That he's no longer the helpless child he once was. That he can defend himself now.

But we have not just rational intelligence, we also have an emotional one. And the latter continues to throw out familiar beliefs about ourselves, formed from childhood and youth, to any trigger, and influence all our thoughts and actions.

And sometimes it is simply not possible to fight it alone.

#I love him so much that it's painful #how I'm supposed to live laugh love without him #character examination #blue lock analysis #bllk analysis #don lorenzo #marc snuffy #bllk #blue lock

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aj1dordinary · 6 months

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GRWM to participate in a life or death brawl!

platonic!Johnny Cage x platonic!gen-z!reader; neutral!Kenshi Takahashi x neutral!reader; platonic!Raiden x platonic!reader; platonic!Kung Lao x platonic!reader; platonic!Lui Kang x platonic!reader

@one-green-frog @whore-of-many-hot-men xox

thank you guys for showing love to my very first piece! i look forward to providing you with as much content that i can pump out! now that i’ve essentially finished the general background info, I’m gonna try to follow the storyline as closely as possible while also developing the lore for !reader. bear with me pls! don't know about any relationships taking place, but that may change. anyway, enjoy! xox

“hey guys! welcome back to my channel! as you all know, johnny and i decided to take a little vacation in between some of his big projects. that doesn’t mean that you miss out on all the action though so here’s a quick little get ready with me in this rehab facility he checked us into!” you poke your tongue out and shoot a peace sign to the camera before turning it around and showing the beautiful scenery of the monk academy.

“y/n! check this shit out!” johnny wails, he began showing his improved skills by throwing punches at a wooden dummy and with an uppercut, knocked the head a good 5 yards away.

you whistle and track the trajectory of the dummy head with your phone. you’d managed to ration out your battery life despite filming and posting an abundance of johnny’s new life of martial arts.

johnny runs over after to see the video for himself and as you play it back for him, he notices someone looking on with great disdain.

“kenshi, man! I’m telling you, if you wanna piece, all ya gotta do is ask.” he makes a show of it by flexing his arms and posing as if he was back on the red carpet.

kenshi rolls his eyes and lets out a puff of air, “i dont want anything you have to offer, john.” he crossed his arms and turns his attention toward the other guys that lui kang recruited to be the power rangers of earthrealm.

you learned that kung lao and raiden were their names. you had to stop johnny from getting himself cancelled as he tried to make references to Godzilla when the men clearly were not of that origin. but they were cool people, you’d have to make a mukbang with them one day for sure. you paused, realizing you were no better in terms of geography.

“oh really? not even sentō?” speaking of being an antagonistic asshole, johnny removed the sword from his back and waved it around, trying to perform swift and severe moves as a ninja would. he made it a goal to make the sounds as well.

you just stood at the ready, phone already recording and the sound picking up the popping of bubblegum in the background. a week in and you traded in your black flats and pantsuit for the same training attire that the guys were wearing. you were by no means throwing any punches, but you’d be damned if you didn’t match for aesthetic purposes.

kenshi stopped in his tracks, “oh i think you done did it now, johnny baby…” you twirl a curl of hair between your fingers, lowkey focused more on the rippling muscles and raging testosterone that put itself on display for you.

“now, now. if there is gonna be a brawl of any sorts, its going to be the one that decides who our champion of earthrealm will be.”

“ahhh, the all-knowing, all-powerful always has such perfect timing,” you coo. “what’s hopping kangaroo?”

“ah, i’ve been managing the behind the scenes of the competition. making sure all is in order for whomever our champion will be.” he smiles genuinely before bowing before you out of kindness. you would be rude to not return it.

“which is totally going to be me.” kung lao says affirmatively before throwing his makeshift razor-hat. it passes just over your head before getting imbedding in the side of a building.

“watch were you throw that thing! you kill my assistant, you replace her!” johnny pokes at his shoulder.

“nice to know that you value and care for her…” raiden chips in.

“word.” was all you said in agreement.

“right…” lui kang claps his hands together, looking over the lively bunch in front of him. part of you wonders if he was beginning to regret his choice in heroes.

“as I was saying, today is the day. whoever comes out victorious in the matches will be earthrealm’s champion and will go on to battle against outworld warriors to defend the title. we will start with johnny and kenshi.”

“y/n, watch me beat his ass real quick.”

“best 2 out of 3?” you say as you join lui kang on the sidelines. he simply nods.

“round 1… fight!” you say before banging the gong.

“beat his ass, johnny! wooooo!” you jump and cheer from the sidelines.

“finish me johnny cage~” a robotic voice chimed from your phone. the sideline goes silent before you mutter a quick “oops” to check what the fuck just happened.

you’re accidentally livestreaming. the voice being someone who donated. well, gotta get paid someway. you turned the phone back on the action, watching as donors flooded the chat, saying how sexy johnny looked when he was fighting and the whole nine yards.

“chat thinks you’re so cool right now. don’t disappoint!”

and how could he? with a swift uppercut, kenshi called it quits for the first round while he regained his balance and strength.

“you’re not done yet johnathan carlton!” you call. he runs over as you take a gatorade bottle and squeeze the contents into his mouth and a little bit on your hands before smacking the shit out of him. “you get out there and you finish it!” he nods without a word before bumping your fist. when he turns to get back in the ring, you deliver a swift slap to his ass for encouragement.

“does that actually help?” raiden comments. he wouldn’t lie, he was tickled by the nonchalant relationship you and Johnny exhibited.

“nah. he just has a really nice ass.” you say, body language unwavering.

it definitely wasn’t helping. he was getting his shit handed to him this round. so much so, he tagged you in.

“whyyyyy am I here! i’m so quitting after this!” you scream as you block many of kenshi’s attacks. johnny, who claims he is just taking a breather, now acted as cameraman as he and the chat giggled at your attempts to evade kenshi.

lui kang had a smirk on his face as he watched the growing potential in you. Despite your obvious fear, you were evading kenshi’s offensive moves quite diligently. He eventually spoke with the goal to guide you.

“compose yourself, y/n. you’re bouncing all over the place, use that momentum for something else.”

you were desperately running out of air from running around the ring, but you couldn’t let up or else kenshi would deploy his frustrations about johnny on you (mmmmm). despite your fear, you heard lui kang’s voice and man, does this god have a voice of reason. you had to obey. so you placed your trust in it and stopped before quickly ducking.

In doing so, you felt a gust of wind fly over your head, surely a devastating blow from kenshi. you then turned and blindly threw a punch. surprisingly, you made contact, square in the middle of his chest. he gasped for air as the assault caused it all to exit his lungs and drop to his knees. he looked up at you with a fire burning in his eyes. you did not wait to continue and tagged johnny back in.

“now who’s the kangaroo?” lui kang smiled.

“you must think you’re so funny.” you respond, completely stale-faced.

johnny ended up losing the second round, before recovering and winning the final round. quickly though, he was thrust into battle with kung lao where he lost.

“a brawl between old pals,” you start. “how you feeling kung fu panda?” you put the camera directly up to his eyebrows on a 0.5x setting, getting an insane shot of his forehead.

“first, you’re no better than johnny,” you gasp. “second, i’m feeling really confident.” he finishes.

“and you ray ray?” you proceed to give him the same media coverage.

“i’ve been waiting for this day for a while.”

“oh he’s so gonna beat your ass”

and you should’ve bet money on it too as raiden came out victorious.

“so these outworlders, they hot? mutated? what exactly should we be expecting God-Almighty?” johnny asks but not without you delivering a swift elbow to his side for his crudeness.

“outworlders do have an enhanced strength compared to humans. some also have powers like me.” lui kang demonstrated with his possession of fire.

“so what’s raiden got that can go up against people like you.” kenshi spoke up, finally seeming over the bitterness of his loss earlier.

“i am always prepared. raiden, i bestow upon you the element of lightning. i ensure that it will aid you tenaciously. i am certain earthrealm will remain in good hands with you.” He hands the amulet over and raiden immediately demonstrated his new abilities by electrocuting the shit out of some training dummies.

“ok one, he just literally roasted the fuck outta y’all and two, can he charge my phone with this new ability.”

“can you be serious for one moment?” kenshi grumbled.

“oh im sorry, i thought someone who’s ass i kicked earlier had something to say?” you retort.

he was ready to respond again, but lui kang redirected the conversation.

“it is time. we must depart. outworld is expecting us.” he begins to move his hands in the same circular motion as before and another portal beings to open up.

“y/n! y/n! Look!” johnny points as if he was kid asking his parent capture his performance.

“i got it johnny, damn! it’s not like this isn’t my whole ass job.” you roll you eyes as you break your slowly dying phone out again. before entering the portal, lui kang turned to you,

“i trust that you won’t be getting yourself in trouble?” he raised an eyebrow, his playful demeanor replaced with a serious one.

“don’t worry kangaroo, i’ll be doing the PR work for both johnny and i. count on me to clean up any mess these boys make. it’s all in the job description.”

his face screwed up in thought before he nodded.

“Let us show these outworlders what we are made of.” he led first through the portal.

-end-

I will update as much as I can but just know I am a college student with other commitments. bear with me!

#mk1 2023 #johnny cage #kenshi takahashi #raiden #lui kang #kung lao #x reader #mk1 x reader #reader insert #shitpost #self insert #mortal kombat #platonic

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eg4mccc · 1 year

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Last Call for Infants Patch Prep!!

(graphic credit: Bonxie)

Tomorrow is the day most of us have been waiting for, the patch to prepare Sims 4 for INFANTS!!! It promises to be busy on support Discords, so I thought I'd start off with a few essential things you should know about getting help from Deaderpool's server.

First of all, READ our #server-info channel!!! There is a lot of information there that will streamline your experience with us. We always know who doesn't bother to read it, by the questions we see in support. We're going to be getting slammed by people with broken mods/cc, please do your part to make things easier on everyone involved, on any server you visit.

Pay close attention to the types of mods/cc/creators who may very well get you banned. Don't bring them to our server.

The people manning support channels are volunteers. Don't be an ass. We're not getting paid to help you, and we don't have to put up with rudeness, disrespect, trolling, and so on. We have no issue with banning people who can't behave properly on Deaderpool's discord. Don't try us.

Don't post the same thing in multiple channels, and don't post the same thing on multiple servers simultaneously. If you don't use two lanes at once in a brick and mortar store, why would you try doing it online? It's confusing and not efficient for anyone trying to work with you. The exceptions would be, if staff refers you elsewhere, to either a different channel, or to a separate discord server, in order to better address your issues. Otherwise, pick one channel on one server, and stay there.

BE PATIENT. Expansion patches are legendary for being super-busy. We'll do our best to get to everyone as soon as possible. There's no need to bump your post, or poke us, unless it's obvious your post has been skipped, after a few minutes/posts around yours are being handled. We're human, stuff happens. Don't get angry about it, just remind us, and we'll move forward from there.

If you're a long-time player, please watch out for the new players, if this is someone's first patch, they're likely to be pretty shocked at the damage. If you speak more than one language, we'd LOVE to add you to our group of Interpreters helping in #bilingual-support. If you're familiar with our server's layout, please help new people find their way around.

Please do not pester creators for information. They're all aware this patch is likely to break things, and they would rather spend their time updating their mods and cc for us, than having to respond to tons of "your stuff broke!" posts on their pages. Don't be that person, just keep an eye on the various #mods-news type channels, Scarlet's list, Luth's forum post, and so on.

This is not our first rodeo, you can trust us to help get you through the damage and back into your game, in the most painless way we can manage.

If we all can work together, we can minimize patch fallout in many ways. Bring a positive attitude, and your popcorn, and get ready to see the show... it's going to be a rocking week!

#deaderpool #discord #sims 4 #patch changes #support

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rainbowsky · 9 months

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Ok I am the turtle who asked about the breakup cpn, with the kadien and things. I have been told that is rude and hurtful and im sorry Mr Rbs, I do not want to cause you stress. I follow cuz I am autistic and I like that you are too but autistics still rub each others fur the wrong way sometimes just like anybody so im sorry if I did that. Have a great day and stay healthy and may YiZhan stay happily married and one day get to safely come out if they want!

...

I don't even know what to say to this.

Who told you that it was 'rude' and 'hurtful'? It certainly wasn't me. I don't have a problem with people asking me honest questions that are in good faith. I answer all kinds of asks, regardless of my reaction to them.

I'm sure whoever said that to you meant well, but I don't want anyone putting words in my mouth. Whatever they said to you, that was their own perspective.

As for your ask, it actually did annoy me a bit, but not because there was anything rude or hurtful about it. I was annoyed because it contained things that are long-standing sources of annoyance for me (which isn't your fault).

First of all, you said "I know you don't believe kadian" which - honestly I've heard people say this before and I find it frustrating. I literally have a whole post that is prominently placed on my masterlist post, where I state pretty clearly that kadian is real. So when people say things like this it feels like they aren't paying any attention and are just making assumptions about me, or else they have poor reading comprehension.

I'm going to be really clear about this:

Being skeptical is not the same thing as being dismissive.

I am skeptical about a lot of candy and CPN, but that doesn't mean I don't buy candy and CPN. It just means that the candy and CPN I do buy is stuff I genuinely believe in - not because it's cute or makes me feel good (nothing wrong with that, but it's not what gets me excited), but rather because I've evaluated it and I feel (based on my own criteria) that it's well substantiated and real.

Contrary to another popular myth about me that also frustrates me (the ridiculous idea that I don't buy CPN and candy) - a huge percentage of my blog is devoted to CPN and candy, and in fact I think CPN and candy are pretty critical to turtledom.

I say this all the time and I hope it will sink in: it's never wise to paint with too broad a brush. Nuance, people. Not everything is black and white. Most things are grey. Just because I seem like a doubter on a lot of things, doesn't mean I don't have my own CPN, and doesn't mean I don't hold a lot of candy close to my heart, much of which I think is important and unwashable.

It seems like some people see a personality trait in someone and then try to extrapolate it across everything about them. Not only is it inaccurate, frankly it betrays a certain level of intellectual laziness. "Oh, here's the funny guy, everything's a joke to him." "Oh, here's the serious guy, he has no sense of humor." "Oh, here's the cutesy girl, she won't like this scary movie."

People are complex and often contradictory creatures. We shouldn't assume we have a read on someone just because we've picked up on a few of their character traits.

As for kadian - in my post about kadian I went to some pains to show that kadian is real, so I don't get why there's anyone out there who would think I don't 'believe' in it. In reality I think people who don't 'believe' in kadian as a concept are uninformed and out of touch. 'Not believing' in kadian would be like 'not believing' in slang acronyms like LOL and OMG.

Back to that 'broad brush' thing I just said - just because kadian is real, that doesn't mean a particular perceived kadian is real and intentionally placed. These things have to be examined in context in order to be properly evaluated.

You can refer back to my kadian post for all that.

On to the other, bigger reason your ask frustrated me.

Just Say No To The Turtle Binary

Your ask was about a 'kadian' you thought you saw in DD's post about being sick, and you felt it was evidence of a breakup.

Without realizing it, you stepped into something that bugs me about the fandom.

If you've been following me for any amount of time at all, you will know that one of my absolute pet peeves in this fandom is when turtles take everything GG and DD say or do as being deeply significant to their relationship. As I've said before -

👉🏻 almost nothing from or about GG or DD will actually be a candy. 👈🏻

I think the key to respecting and honoring their humanity is to love them as individuals first and foremost, and as a couple second. When we fixate entirely on their relationship we end up accidentally dehumanizing them and failing to recognize, respect and celebrate their individual achievements.

There are a lot of turtles in this fandom who take every single thing GG and DD do as either proof they are together, or else proof they are not together. And frankly, that doesn't make any rational sense.

If you've ever been in a long term relationship - or a relationship of any kind, whether family or friends - you should already know that almost nothing in our daily lives is about that relationship. Our day-to-day lives tend to revolve around work, school, hobbies and interests, other social interests and obligations. Almost nothing we do in our day to day lives is about any one particular relationship.

Just look at my own blog here. How often do I mention my partner? Almost never. But we've been married for years, and he's the most important person in my life. Why don't I mention him more? Because my life doesn't revolve around him.

GG and DD are no different. They are real, non-fictional human beings with busy lives and successful careers, and they have a ton of obligations and focuses and pursuits in their daily lives. Almost none of it is about each other. Why, then, would people be so ready to think that every post, every gesture, every clothing option, every decision, every goal is about each other?

Not only is that absurd just on the face of it, it's also absurd when you consider that the vast majority of things that ARE related to their relationship will never be made public for you and I to see.

Their lives are almost entirely focused on their careers. They work hard, they have packed schedules. They no doubt spend a lot of time connected to each other behind the scenes, via texts, video chat, etc. but most of their time will be taken up with their work, and with meetings and discussions with various handlers and brands and management and other career-related contacts.

It's going to be rare for us to catch a glimpse of something related to each other, because such things are going to be rare in their daily lives and in most cases shared privately.

So I am deeply dismayed when DD can't even call in sick without people assuming a break-up. It's not right. My god, let the man be sick for a day.

When it comes to kadian we need to remember that the context is actually more important than the numbers. What is the likelihood that any particular message is about something to do with their relationship? What is the likelihood that something important is going to be discussed or disclosed in that particular venue or format? What is the likelihood that GG and DD are going to send out key messages about their personal and private relationship in the timing of a Head and Shoulders ad?

DD is in the middle of promoting his new film, which - at the time - was just days away from being released. Can you honestly believe for one hot second that he's going to pick that time - of all the times in the world - to dicker around with cryptic, deeply consequential messages about his relationship? Consider his priorities, here. Consider the context and venue.

And have some empathy for the sick guy who was just trying to quell rumors that were flying about him.

When we evaluate anything they are saying or doing, we should be kind and empathetic about it, and on their side.

There were a lot of anti messages going around when he called in sick that day. People had all sorts of nasty theories about why he called in sick, including a theory that he was trying to generate sympathy to boost ticket sales.

Imagine that. Imagine if calling in sick to work made that big of an impact on your life and reputation? NO PRESSURE.

Like, woah. No wonder the guy never takes any time off anymore. No wonder he pushes through when he's got a sprained ankle or is practically falling over from exhaustion. The man can't take a day off without all hell breaking loose.

I expect that kind of thing from antis, but not from turtles. It's very disappointing.

A final note:

Another important thing I want people to fully understand and accept:

My failure to answer an ask is no commentary whatsoever on what I thought about that ask or about that person.

Anyone who has been following me for any amount of time at all should know that. I answer as many asks that annoy me as I do ones that make me laugh, smile or reflect.

In reality, if I don't answer your ask it's 99.9% of the time for one of these reasons:

I don't have time - I've been incredibly busy lately and have had very little time on Tumblr. Most of that time is spent scrambling to keep up with the content GG and DD and turtles have been releasing/discussing. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that this is pretty much always the reason I haven't answered an ask.

It's something I have already thoroughly covered, which can be found easily by doing even the barest search of my blog or browsing through my masterlist post. Given how little time I have for Tumblr, I'm not likely to spend much of it repeating myself.

It's a complicated question that will take a lot of time to answer, so the question ended up in my drafts folder as I pick away at it over weeks and months. My drafts folder is almost as backlogged as my inbox.

IT WAS NOT A QUESTION. I get quite a few of these. I've said this many times - my inbox is for questions.

Of course, anti BS, hate asks, etc. don't see the light of day, either, but that goes without saying.

If you've asked a question in good faith and it's not been answered, it's for one of the top 3 reasons on the list.

So, Anon, I found your ask frustrating, but I didn't find it 'rude' or 'hurtful'. And even though I found it frustrating, I didn't hold it against you because I know that approach is common among turtles. It's just a fairly standard part of the fandom that - while frustrating - I've more or less accepted as 'the way things are'.

So, no hard feelings. You didn't do anything wrong AFAIAC. I think you might want to do a bit more critical thinking than seems evident based on what you sent me, but you weren't rude or hurtful.

And to be clear, Anon: most of what I'm saying in this post isn't aimed at you. Like I said, I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about a couple of things, and you were unfortunate enough to accidentally stumble across it. I definitely don't hold anything against you.

#fandom reflections #bxg perspectives #kadian #ask

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meguwumibear · 2 years

Text

you knew who i was (every step that i ran to you)

pairing: megumi fushiguro x female reader

word count: 4,937

warnings: angst, pining, explicit language, non-sorcerer au, miscommunication and misunderstandings, references to Plato’s Symposium

It’s cold out the day he meets you, not bitterly so, but in a pleasant way that reminds you that spring is just around the corner. Megumi’s sitting on the bleachers warming his chilled hands in the pocket of his sweatshirt with Nobara and Maki at one of Yuji’s games when he sees you at the concession stand, a couple of crumpled up dollar bills in your outstretched hand. Ordinarily, the act of purchasing a salty concession would not capture Megumi’s attention, however you manage to catch his eye. Not because of your mannerism or what you order—he’s too far away to see what you look like or hear what cheap delicacy you crave—but because you’re wearing Yuuji’s souvenir jacket. That he’d recognize anywhere no matter the distance.

The sight of you in his best friend’s sukajan sparks something primitive in Megumi, something akin to…jealousy? Curiosity? Greif?

And he knows it’s the sight of you in Yuuji’s jacket that ignites this unnamable feeling inside him, a feeling that tosses and turns and sours in the very pit of his stomach. He knows this to be true, because he didn’t feel it the moment before he had stolen his first of many glances at you, only after. Only now.

Just who are you, and why are you wearing Yuuji’s clothes?

When he can no longer stand his racing thoughts, he turns to Nobara and finally asks, “who is she?” He gestures at you, letting his pointer finger linger over your distant frame longer than necessary to get his point across. It’s rude, but he kind of means for it to be. He wants you to wonder about him the way he’s being forced to wonder about you.

“Oh, her?” Nobara responds, though she’s barely bothered to glance your way. “That’s Yuuji’s new friend. They have a gen ed together or something. Practice for professional life, maybe.”

“She’s wearing his jacket,” he says.

“I have eyes,” she responds.

He’s no longer paying attention to the game. All he can focus on is you and the way your fingers curl around the soft pretzel the concession stand worker hands to you. It’s just cold enough out that little tuffs of steam blanket the snack like a thousand tiny phantoms. You sink your teeth into the treat and chew.

Instead of making your way to the bleachers with everyone else, you pick your way to the edge of the field, where the flimsy chain link fence separates the players from the spectators. Several of the cheerleaders wave at you when they see you approach. You wave back politely before focusing your sights on the field.

During halftime Yuji races to where you stand and throws his arms around your neck. When the two of you part, he rests his hands on your shoulders, and Megumi’s own begin to ache.

Then Yuuji’s turning you around and pointing to the exact section of the stands where he and Nobara and Maki are sitting. When Yuuji’s certain he has the attention of at least one of the three, he waves. It’s Nobara who waves back first.

You say your farewells to Yuuji and join them on the bleachers. Megumi doesn’t miss the way Yuiji’s eyes linger on you as you saunter away from him. It irritates him, the way Yuuji is looking at you all doe eyed and moony. Yeah, you’re cute enough, and Yuuji deserves someone that will make him happy, whatever, that’s not the problem: the problem is Yuuji is his friend and you, well, you’re a nobody.

Winded slightly from the climb, you introduce yourself to the trio, a shy smile pulling hesitantly at your lips. Nobara and Maki are quick to gift you their names, though all the chatter slips into one of Megumi’s ears and directly out the other. His head feels as though it’s been stuffed full of millions of meandering bees. Buzzing and buzzing and buzzing.

The three of you are staring at him, he realizes. He hasn’t introduced himself. Megumi feels his cheeks grow pink from the attention. He tells himself it’s just the wind.

“Fushiguro, Megumi.”

You break into a wide grin, “Of course! Yuuji speaks so highly of you. The two of you must care terribly for one another.”

Something deep within his gut twists because yeah, they do.

“What do you study?” he asks both to be polite and change the subject. If his tone is clipped, you don’t seem to notice.

“I’m in the school’s literature program,” you say plopping down next to him. His eyes immediately find the brown stain on the collar of Yuuji’s otherwise unmarred jacket: miso broth.

(After the first game of the season they had snuck off to a local noodle shop for a peaceful post-game meal. Just the two of them. Yuuji had laughed ridiculously hard at something Megumi had said, spoon in mouth, and the liquid sputtered out. Megumi hadn’t even cracked a joke. His manner of speaking is always dry and direct. Yuuji simply found humor in his seriousness. Yuuji was always finding hidden treasures in Megumi. Sometimes it was if Yuuji knew Megumi better than Megumi knew himself. It’s hard for Megumi not to be the best version of himself around him.)

The three of you slink off to the same ramen shop that evening. Maki and Nobara excuse themselves after congratulating Yuuji for a game well played. The three of you are sitting at the back of the shop, your back is pressed against the too hard booth, straw of your favorite soft drink tucked delicately between your teeth. You’re sitting next to Yuuji who talks enough for the three of you and often with his mouth full of sprouts and egg and pork.

What few details you manage to sneak in—typically as Yuuji takes a break from entertaining you both to swallow—have little to no effect on whatever it is Megumi suddenly feels because Megumi cannot for the life of him understand how or why Yuuji had kept you a secret from him for so long.

Megumi feels so sick he can barely swallow his own meal. He food sits solid and uneasy inside him. It’s as if every system in his body is beginning to shut down. Every system, that is but his cardiovascular system. His heart he can feel beating and beating and beating…

“Right, Megs,” Yuuji is asking, and suddenly Megumi realizes how disconnected from the conversation he’s become.

The two of you are looking at him with impish grins and sparkles in your eyes as he grounds himself. The grip he has on his utensils tightens. “Uh, could you repeat your question? I zoned out for a moment.”

Yuuji’s rolling his eyes, “see? What did I tell you? An absolute menace. I didn’t know him before high school, but Gojo says he threw hands with like at least ten different kids per day. Real antisocial type.”

“Gojo?”

“Yuuji,” Megumi warns.

“His father,” Yuuji supplies anyway.

Megumi has never actually called Gojo that, but there isn’t really a word for what Gojo is to him. It felt like a betrayal to refer to Gojo simply as his father; it felt like settling. Gojo was barely grown himself when he had taken Megumi in. In many ways, Gojo was more mentor than patriarch. Megumi often wondered what made someone a father. Based on his experience, he reasoned that fatherhood is forged neither by blood nor birth. Some fathers are appetites; their children become food. Other fathers are food; they satiate their child’s hunger. Gojo was both starving man and feast. Both so empty and so full.

“He’s a good man,” Megumi offers. “And those are hard to find these days.”

“Hm,” you hum, “goodness and badness are manmade constructs, but for arguments sake, I’d say that I find that most people are more good than bad. Or, rather, on average, the typical person will make more good decisions than bad ones.”

“How do you figure that?”

“Well,” you add, “my friend drove me to the grocery store the other day so I could restock my fridge. While we were there, looming over the fruits, I noticed a man standing by the apples, turning them over in his hand. The apples with bruises, he’d add to his cart. The ones without blemish he’d put back. When he noticed me watching him, he told me that he always takes the damaged produce, since he knows there are people out there who will snub their noses at damaged goods. So, you see, you need not look far to find good men. They’re often found lingering by apple stands.”

He sees why Yuuji likes you so much; the two of you are cut from the same cloth. Both kind and decent and good. Good for goodness’ sake.

Megumi’s always envied Yuuji for his innate kindness, or rather Megumi’s always admired it. It was a character trait worthy of protection. Life snuffs light out of even the brightest of places. That’s why he fought so much when he was younger. It wasn’t for fun…not really. Which isn’t to say he didn’t enjoy the thrill of a fight. There was something cathartic about the flesh of his knuckle kissing the cheek of another. To stop the darkness of the world from spreading he had to beat it out of others.

It's impossible to preserve what’s good in the world without a little violence, and Megumi’s suddenly more than willing to get his knuckles bloody for you.

But, you aren’t his; you’re Yuuji’s, and, as such you’ve become permanent fixture in both of their lives. You’re at their dorm more often than your own. Sometimes you and Yuuji study together. Sometimes not. Movie nights become a weekly, if not bi-weekly occurrence. Megumi is always invited. Your favorite movie candy is Sno-Caps, so Megumi makes sure there’s always a box or two in the dorm for you when you come over.

It's humiliating how much he likes you. Your interests are so similar, and despite your literature major you’re well versed in his own: philosophy. You carry your own in conversations about Foucault and even Plato’s Symposium. Is love the intrinsic desire to find our other half, as Aristophanes argued. Can love be wise or beautiful, or is love the pursuit of those two things, as Socrates argued on behalf of Diotima.

It's shameful the way he comes to desire you. He finds himself thinking of you often as he drifts to sleep. You never spend the night with Yuuji, likely out of respect for him. Megumi both loves and hates you for it. He wants to know what side of the bed is easiest for you to fall asleep on. He wants to listen to the deep, rhythmic sound of your breath as you slumber.

The two of you always include him in your weekend plans, and the masochist in him always agrees to tag along. The three of you go to the mall, the park, the movies. Sometimes the three of you just drive around, nursing drinks from the nearest convenience store. One weekend Yuuji convinces the two of you to drive over an hour to the nearest zoo so that he can see the otters. Yuuji tells you that otters hold hands at night so they don’t drift apart when they sleep. Megumi pictures threading his fingers through yours.

The night before midterms are due, he asks about your plans for the break. You tell him that you’re staying on campus. Alone. The school’s facilities, including the cafeteria close during the week. He wonders how you plan to take care of yourself.

“I’m staying too,” he decides in that moment, already mentally unpacking the trunk at the foot of his bed. Some shirts. A few pairs of pants. Nothing that he couldn’t easily transfer back into his dresser.

“Don’t you want to see Gojo?”

“He’s away on business.” It’s the truth. Gojo’s always away on business. He’s the best at what he does, which means that—despite his personality flaws—his skill set is always in high demand. His trips have gotten longer and longer of late. The more time that passes, the more Megumi worries that Gojo may not come back.

“I wouldn’t want to go home to an empty house either.”

Yuuji snores quietly, slumped over his desk, a generous amount of drool pooling around his lips. His only family, his grandfather, passed when he was still in high school. Gifted with borderline unnatural athletic abilities, he paved his way to university life with early mornings and turf fields. He’ll stay on campus too.

“I got an A on my paper about the Symposium.”

“Oh,” you say, doodling along the margins of your notebook. “And, which of the dialogues did you argue was most beautifully delivered?”

“All of them,” he says. “None of them. It’s like you said when we first met, there is no goodness or badness, which means there is no such thing as the beautiful or the ugly; it’s all about outcomes and action. The highest encomium one could give to Eros would be to choose over and over again to be with and do things for another. Speech alone is not sufficient.”

Eros is the morsels of milk chocolate he keeps in his desk drawer because he knows you like them.

His love is inside you because you eat those morsels again and again and again.

You’re smiling at him. He loves the way you smile, all lip, no teeth, cheeks dimpling. “Love is a series of decisions,” you say. “I think I’d have to agree.”

He realizes suddenly that he wrote the final draft of his essay, not with his professor, but with you in mind. His thesis was entirely shaped by all of the time he’d spent with and thinking about you, his conclusion an echo of your lives together. Part of him wishes to confess this to you; another, much louder part begs him to remain silent, forces him to gobble up his words and swallow them down, down, down into his tummy where his stomach acid will melt them away.

“We should get ice cream tomorrow,” you say. “To celebrate.”

“Milkshakes at Mission Impopsicle?” He knows it’s your favorite ice cream shop. He knows exactly what you’ll order too. A large mint chip milkshake with extra whipped cream. Somedays you pretend you’re going to branch out and try something new, but by the time you reach the register you always order your usual sweet treat. He supposes there’s comfort in the familiar.

You’re smiling at him again, “you read my mind!”

Of course he has. He’s become fluent in you.

Or maybe he hasn’t because he’s surprised the next day when you express an interest in getting ice cream sans Yuuji. Apparently the three of you aren’t the only poor souls stuck on campus during spring break. A sophomore named Junpei also remains, and apparently Yuuji has agreed to tutor him in biology.

“We can go another time,” Megumi shrugs.

“No, no, you two go on without me. Bring me back something with lots and lots of sprinkles! Grab something for Junpei too! The kid could use the moral boost. I’ll text you his order once we’re settled.”

It’s…odd hanging with you without Yuuji as a buffer. It feels wrong, like a poorly kept secret or like walking in shoes that aren’t his own. He’s lived most of his life letting whatever is going to happen to him, well, happen. Whatever will be will be, and all that. He’s never felt this gnawing sense of guilt before. Not even after his high school principal berated him for beating on yet another shitty senior.

Back then he could rely on Gojo in a pinch.

Now he must rely solely on himself, and, to be honest, he isn’t quite sure what to do with himself once he’s alone with you. Rationally, he understands Yuuji gave him permission to go on the ice cream run without him, but the action still feels like a betrayal, especially now, especially when you look at him with those dazzling, beseeching eyes of yours. He hasn’t been able to meet them once since the two of you left campus. He hasn’t spoken a single word to you either.

He can feel your gaze on him as you pull into the parking lot. He feels uncomfortably warm all over, like he’s been standing in the beating sun.

You’re out of the car before he’s even let go of the steering wheel. When he takes too long to open his door, you open it for him. He lets you wrap yourself around his arm and guide him to the window of the shop. He’s rocked by a sudden pang of loneliness. There’s a hunger in the pit of his belly that not even his vanilla ice cream can satiate. Some people live their lives as empty husks, never knowing what it’s like to be fed.

He's thinking suddenly of his father, not Gojo, but his late birth father, the one who had severed a part of himself to have Megumi. He doesn’t think of his birth parents often. They died long ago. But he’s thinking about them now and about how a parents’ love is the first love a person feels, or rather how it’s the first love someone is supposed to feel. His parents’ love had marred him, and the marring had followed him his whole life, a dull, ever-present pain.

You’re beaming at him between sips of your milkshake, your smile blistering like a burn.

He fears your fire; cowers before your heat. He’s drawn to you, a hopeless moth chasing a scorching flame, but Megumi’s so so scared of getting burned. Or burning Yuuji. Or dampening your light. He thinks it’s better this way, him standing in your cast shadow. That’s where he’s always thrived after all, in darkness rather than light. But you’re so warm, and your light is so resplendent, and he thinks maybe getting marred one last time may be worth it. He thinks, maybe, he’d risk it all to get close to you just once.

By the time you make it back to Yuuji, his ice cream is more soup than custard. He smiles when you present it to him nonetheless, his eyes soft and warm, golden from the last few rays of the setting sun poking in from the window.

Megumi feels out of place watching the two of you. Perverted, a voyeur.

But the two of you don’t ask him to leave. The two of you never ever ask him to leave, so he keeps watching, an arm’s length away from you both, observing the way you two nurture your budding romance from a safe distance. He wonders how the two of you manage to spend any alone time together because whenever the two of you offer to include him, he selfishly agrees.

All the third wheeling is starting to take a toll on him. The more time he spends with you, the more you seem to grow on him. At night, he thinks about cutting you out of his life. He lulls himself to sleep with the thought. By morning, in his post sleep clarity, he always realizes your presence isn’t malignant; it’s benign. It’d do more harm than good to cut you out of him.

You’re offered a spot in the university’s literature honor society. You offer the knowledge to him in passing, as if you’re ashamed you were offered the spot. The school is hosting an induction ceremony for the new members during one of Yuuji’s playoff games. You offer to skip the ceremony to watch him play, but Yuuji, selfless, selfless Yuuji, insists you attend.

“Fushiguro will accompany you,” he says, and how could Megumi refuse?

It’s shameful, really, that he doesn’t even pretend to put up a fight, doesn’t even pretend that he’s interested in attending Yuuji’s game. He feels bad about how quickly he folds, of course; he understands he’s being selfish choosing you over his best friend. He’s horrible. He’s the worst. He’s miserable.

It’s just, he hasn’t had you to himself since the night you got ice cream together, and Megumi wants. He wants with an aching fever. He wants so badly it’s making him sick.

You’re beautiful, even more so the night of your ceremony, though Megumi’s certain you’d look the most beautiful wearing nothing at all. The night of your induction, you’re clad in one of your best dresses. The garment hugs you in all the right places, around your chest, around your hips. Megumi pictures himself helping you out of it, imagines himself holding you in his arms as you drift to sleep.

He takes you to dinner after. The place is nice, intimate. You’re bubblier than usual, full of energy and life. Yuuji usually talks enough for the three of you. In his absence, you’ve become the chatty one. You tell him about your parents and your childhood home. You prattle on and on about how much they used to read to you when you were younger. His parents never read him bedtime stories. He feels nostalgic for a life he never had.

It occurs to him between bites of his food that he’s smothered with ginger, that you’re nervous. What you’re doing, the way you’re bouncing around from one topic to the next, is classifiable nervous chatter. He wonders then if you feel guilty about your one-on-one time too, wonders if a small part of you is thinking about reaching for him.

He gets his answer on the drive back to your dorm when you bump one of your arms against the one he has resting on the center console. At first, he thinks the action is done unintentionally, but you don’t move it, and then your fingers begin to twitch like they’re itching to house themselves between his; they graze lazily against the flesh of his open palm.

The sensation flusters him, has the tips of his ear flushing a rosy pink. He’s grateful it’s so dark out, grateful that you can’t see the effect that you have on him.

He jerks away so suddenly he nearly veers the car off the road.

He drives the rest of the way with both hands on the wheel.

You don’t stop by their dorm the next day, or the day after that. Megumi wonders if maybe you told Yuuji about the other night, about the way your arm had flirtatiously grazed his in the car. He hopes you did. He hopes you didn’t. He hopes, desperately that Yuuji doesn’t know how he feels about you because he knows Yuuji, and he’s certain that if Yuuji caught a whiff of his feelings for you he’d let you go because that’s just the kind of person Yuuji is. So kind. So unselfish. So fucking fair and good. He doesn’t want to ruin what you two have. He doesn’t want to ruin you.

By the end of the week, he asks about you. He has to. All of the speculating is eating him alive, his questions making him their food. He thinks if he knows for certain that the two of you have ended things that maybe he could get some sleep for once, even if that means he’ll never see you again. He needs to know.

Yuuji scrunches up his nose when he asks how you are. “She’s fine. She’s just…she’s trying to give you some space. Honestly,” he pauses to rub at the back of his neck, his fingers skimming the bits of hair that aren’t dyed pink, “I’ve been feeling pretty bad about the whole thing. I really thought you two would like each other.”

Megumi blinks dumbfounded as he digests Yuuji’s words, “you…you thought…”

Yuuji holds his hands up in surrender, “I know, I know, it was rude of me to play matchmaker. I guess I owe you both an apology. I just…I don’t know I guess I misread you. You seemed so into her.”

“I thought you two were dating,” Megumi manages.

And then Yuuji’s laughing, a loud, authentic, obnoxious laugh. The sound is music to Megumi’s ears, “you thought…you thought…no, we’re not dating. We had a class together and really hit it off. When she told me what motivates her is leaving the world a more just place than she found it, I thought she’d be a good match for you.” Another pause, “don’t be too mad at her for humoring me. She didn’t know I was trying to set the two of you up until after I introduced you.”

Relief rolls through Megumi like a cresting ocean wave calming against the shoreline. Despite it, he still can’t breathe, “so she she was just humoring you, then? She really doesn’t like me?”

Yuuji shoots him an incredulous look, “are you crazy? She adores you. And you’re both idiots. She has it in her head that it’s you that doesn’t like her! Apparently when she tried to hold your hand the other night, you’d acted like she was radioactive.” Amusement dances across the creases of Yuuji’s face, “which, I mean, makes sense if you thought we were together. Aw, Fushiguro, you’re so loyal!”

“Then, she…” Megumi still can’t believe it. The past few months feel like such a waste of his time. He could have had you. He could already be yours.

“Yeah, man, she likes you. Or, she did, anyway. I’d explain myself to her, though, before it’s too late.”

He sits on a bench outside your dorm building for hours waiting for your last class of the night to wrap up. It’s one of those pesky night courses that continues long after the sun has set and the stars have come out. An autobiography course, if he wasn’t mistaken.

You return sometime around midnight with your roommate who’s name Megumi never bothered to learn. The two of you weren’t particularly close, but you liked each other well enough to share a mutual living space. It occurs to Megumi he’s never been inside your dorm.

Though he’s had hours to rehearse what he wants to say to you, the sight of you leaves him mute.

He calls your name before you can swipe into the building. Beneath the dim light of the waxing moon, he sees your eyes widen in surprise. You whisper something indiscernible to your roommate and part from her to greet him.

You call out him. The name you use is his matronymic. You’ve never called him that before. He was always, always Megumi to you. He wants to be that again. “Fushiguro, hey,” you say, flashing him a sad little smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been meaning to reach out, I just wasn’t sure-”

“You like stories,” he says, interrupting you midsentence. “You like stories, and you want to write stories of your own someday, about real people, stories with happy endings. I’ve bought every book you’ve discuss with me these past few months; I plan to read them all someday so I can talk about them with you, passionate and omniscient, the way you do. I don’t know if I’ll ever enjoy literature the way you enjoy it, but,” he pauses, to suck in a breath, “you like stories.” Another pause. “You like stories, and I like you, and there’s an infinite number of stories out there, which means we’ll never run out of things to talk about.”

You like stories, and I love you. He doesn’t say that part out loud, but he knows you hear it anyway.

“Oh,” you say, and you look so startled. “Oh,” you say again, softer. “I thought-”

He’s interrupting you again. He’s being rude, he knows, but he just can’t help himself. “I thought you were dating Itadori,” he admits. He feels embarrassed, feels like a fool, humiliated by his own baseless assumption. “I just assumed-”

It’s your turn to interrupt him, not with words, but with a sweet, little laugh, “you thought I was dating Yuuji? No wonder the signals you sent me were so mixed.”

His cheeks are warm. The tips of his ears have gone pink. Then, you’re saying, “I like you too, you know,” and he feels the heat spread across his entire body. If it were any brighter out you would probably see his fresh coloring, skin red all over like a full body sunburn.

“I like you a lot, actually,” you confess. You turn to look back at your dorm; your roommate must still be awake because there’s a faint yellow light glowing from within. “My roommate’s home, but,” you shift a little from toe to toe, nervous, despite everything, “I’ve just finished a piece for one of my creative writing courses. I can email you a copy.”

“Please,” he manages, and it sounds like a prayer. “Maybe we can discuss it over dinner?” Please, please, please.

You’re smiling at him, “let me know when you finish it.”

He’s stays up all night reading it. Your story is about choosing and love. It’s about people who could never be strangers because they met lifetimes ago only to cross paths again now. It’s about a stack of unread books tucked safely beneath a bed and about a dresser drawer filled with boxes of candy intend for another and memorizing someone’s favorite ice cream flavor and sitting together in silence. It’s about him, he realizes with a start. Your story is about him.

#fushiguro megumi #fushiguro megumi x reader #fushiguro megumi x you #megumi x reader #megumi x you #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #fics #megumi fushiguro #megumi fushiguro x reader #megumi fushiguro x you #megumi fushiguro x y/n #fushiguro megumi x y/n #megumi x y/n #ella's enchantments

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woooyeahbaby · 3 months

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Hi!!!Can i request platonic L lawliet x reader hcs??like maybe reader is his assistant and they end up developing a really close friendship!!

And if you do fem readers could the reader be fem?if you’re not comfy with that I’d prefer gn reader!!

Anyways I hope you have a great day/night!!

sure can!! :D sorry it took me a bit to write this for you, i’ve been busy. btw i’m comfortable with writing any gender of reader for future reference 🫶🏻 (little note after writing it, i used you/yours for most of it with a few she/her’s sprinkled in there. sorry!!!)

so,, L got a new assistant, he wasn’t too happy about it because he knew he’d have to teach her all the little things he needs his assistants to do all over again.

but this time it was surprisingly easy to teach you! it didn’t feel like as much of a chore as it did when he was training the last assistant.

his favourite part was how quickly you memorized how he takes his tea and coffee, and you didn’t lecture him how unhealthy the amount of sugar he likes in it is! perfect.

within the first week of having your job, you remembered all the little things about him. he definitely appreciates that, since like i said it felt like a chore having to repeat all the simple things to previous assistants.

over that small bit of time, he felt kind of bad for not knowing the same amount of stuff about you that you knew about him. so, he started paying more attention.

after another week, he knew everything about you. and yes, EVERYTHING. this is L.

into the second month of being his assistant, he gave you a gift for “being such a wonderful addition to the workplace and being so helpful”. he’d never done that for anyone before, but he wasn’t about to tell you that. it’d be far too embarrassing.

it was a gift you’d wanted for years but never really had the money to buy it for yourself, however you never mentioned wanting it to anybody other than a few of your friends. how he knew? he’s L!

despite being a little confused on that matter.. you of course gratefully accept it and then go on to buy him something this time!

even though you’re his newfound friend who knows quite a bit about his personality and mannerisms, you don’t exactly know what to get him.. so you settle on a tea set.

you’d been anxious he wouldn’t like it as much as you liked your gift from him, but he actually enjoyed it quite a bit. the next day you see him sipping overly sweet tea from one of the cups from the set.

the others in the workplace weren’t blind to the newfound friendship between you two, and they found it a little strange considering how cold L was to them but it seemed like he had a soft spot for you. they could tell it wasn’t romantic, but they still found it cute.

L wasn’t one for going for walks or going to coffee shops unless he absolutely needed to to get information out of somebody.. but when it came to you and you offered those situations almost daily? he’d nearly jump out of his seat. let him finish reading up on that criminal first, though.

when it comes to the kira case, he feels bad for not being able to spend quality time with you and instead ordering you around constantly and only working. not that he tries to do anything about it, since admittedly he finds his work more important than friendships, but he does feel bad deep down.

he finds it funny how you both share a glance when light or misa say something rather suspicious. almost like you two have the same thoughts about the two suspects.

if light or misa ever say something rude to you, and you don’t stand up for yourself, he’s shutting that shit down! he doesn’t go too hard, though. or else light may think you’re a weak spot for him. however, if you were to die next, that’d be an interesting plot twist…

not that he wants you to die, he just finds that it wouldn’t help light’s case if that situation were to occur. it would be a little more evidence against that justin bieber lookalike.

he’d love to convince you to sit the way he does and have a conversation about the case with him. maybe even share a few of his sweets with you, too.

he’d also like to see you accidentally start to sit the way he does without realizing it. seeing his friend slowly get into the same habit of sitting with her knees to her chest, even shoving sweets into her mouth and listening as he explains his ideas? L would adore seeing that slowly come into play.

if you also started adopting his fashion sense? oh, he may have to promote you to BEST friend.

in the odd occasion you two have free time, he’d love to listen to you talk about things you like. L is sure you’re tired of listening to him drone on about cases all the time, so he’d be totally fine with hearing you talk about your passions. no matter what it is.

and he wouldn’t just listen in and out, he would pay attention to every single detail. he would research it more in his non existent free time just so you could talk about it together!

little after-fic note, sorry if this is less headcanon-y and more.. like, drabble-y? i tried to make it a bit of both. if you’d like to ask for part 2 and maybe add a few things you’d like to see more of then i’d be totally fine with that! totally up for writing for more L :) hope this was platonic enough for you!

#l lawliet #l lawliet fanfiction #l fanfiction #l death note #death note fanfiction #death note headcanons #l headcanons #l lawliet headcanons

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nottapossum · 10 months

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Hi I just found your story on Ao3 and I love it so far! I really think it fits Blitzo and Fizzarolli having to grow up fast in the circus and under Cash. I really look forward to reading more chapters.

Plus I also really like the first part of “Father knows best” I think Moxxie also tends to fit the whole little space as we’ve seen in other episodes Moxxie had to grow up fast and has many insecurities but also can be a brat demanding things to go his way or wanting attention.

I really look forward to reading more and would love to chat and exchange ideas/perspectives cause I really love this take you have in all your stories with Blitzo and Fizzarolli 💜😊

TYSM! ❤️❤️ I’m so glad you like it! 🚧(Warning for those reading who haven’t read it, This post will contain spoilers to chapter 1 of the next book father knows best. Had to post it on Ao3 early to avoid the draft getting deleted. You can find it here )⚠️

-I found the flashback scene to be very sad for Fizz and Blitzø. Even though in the scene we see them actually being kids, i did notice a few things I wanted to express:

1: Fizz and Blitzø are playing with the balloons from their act, I don’t think they had many toys when they were young (maybe why Blitzø collects horse figures and plushies as an adult) I know they were low on money, but I’ll bet even after Blitzø helped steal from Stolas, Cash would not see the kids having something to play with as a priority.

2: They had to play after the show and their fun was immediately interrupted by cash forcing his son to do a job he was clearly uncomfortable with.

3: Cash even went so far to casually threaten his son with: ‘Scarier things’ and guilt trip him with the mention of his mother- a child should not be responsible for helping their parents with finances.

4: You can also see the resentment and fear in Blitzø’s eyes.

I started this fic questioning if I even wanted Moxxie to be a little. But, after watching Exes and oh’s for the 2,345th time I realized it’s practically impossible for Moxxie to be anything but!

-Moxxie needed attention as a kid, he went through some horrible trauma. And probably never had someone to truly help him through it.

-I think Moxxie’s mom babied him a lot, making him very dependent on her (as shown in the flashback where instead of showing Moxxie how to cut his steak, she does it for him.)

-Then there’s Crimson who was strict and didn’t seem at all connected with Moxxie. (I expect Moxxie practically raised and educated himself, he would have had to in order to survive.)

-Moxxie gives off socially awkward homeschooled kid vibes. (I would know, I was homeschooled and I’m socially awkward.)

-Moxxie wants everyone to be proud of him! and I mean everyone! Even Millie’s toxic parents. (I said what I said. Idc. Linn and Jo need to shape up. Just because they’re the best ones does not excuse their behavior!)

-He calls every father figure in his life ‘sir’ including his own father, I think Moxxie is unaware as to why he feels like he has to, especially after Blitzø told him to call him by his name, but I think he’s trying to get the approval he always craved from Crimson.

-I find it funny that Moxxie didn’t like when Blitzø referred to their company as ‘family’ even though he totally sees Blitzø as a sorta father figure. I think for him, it felt too close to home to mix employees with family. (Loan sharks = employees = family)

“We are not a family! You’re the boss, we’re the employees!”

mhm.

-Moxxie is very submissive and does what others tell him, but he’s also extremely sassy, rude, and as you said bratty. -We definitely got Moxxie at his brattiest in the newest episode. This is why he really needs Millie, she’s supportive and kind, she thinks the world of him- but she is firm when she has to be as seen in both: Seeing stars and unhappy campers.

-I think Moxxie is trying to be less needy and bratty, but it’s gonna take some time for him to heal that inner child who was never listened to, only shortly felt loved, never was properly disciplined (punished, yes. But not disciplined in a loving way that made him feel safe and cared for. At least, not by his father.)

sheas. That was a long analysis on everything. Sorry about that lol 😅

had a lot of thoughts on this apparently. I love talking about this stuff so feel free to message me anytime! Rants and analyzing random things is totally welcome lol

Taglist: @todayimfour

#helluva boss age regression #itty bitty imps #helluva boss agere #Helluva boss #helluva boss moxxie #Helluva boss Blitzø #little!Moxxie #Little!Blitzo #little!fizzarolli #age regression fanfic #IttyBittyImpsQ&H #father knows best #FKBIBI #helluva boss crimson

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mephinomaly · 5 months

Text

[TL] BIOHAZARD/Chapter 10

[ This post uses Ois~su ♪ ]

Kaoru: So to sum up, everything’s Sakuma-san’s fault.

Rei: Eh~? Yupyup, everything’s lil’ ol’ me’s fault~♪

Rei: My attitude was so bad!?

Koga: Even now I get fooled by the old man shit you do, but your manners 'n attitude are still bad sometimes.

Puttin’ yer feet up on desks, takin’ life easy.

Rei: Ritsu also does that. Isn’t that nice, brothers having the same habits ♪ We’re such good friends ♪ Doesn’t that make for a heartwarming story?

Koga: True. Ricchii sometimes kicks me ‘n goes ‘move out the way’.

Rei: I suppose since we are rather high ranking amongst our relatives, there is no-one to scold us for such rude behaviour.

Koga: Hmph. You're way too soft on him. You’re suppose t’be his older brother yet you can’t even tell him off.

Adonis: Shh. There’s something that seems interesting is about to happen.

Kaoru: After that Deadmanz live the other day, Sakuma-san fled overseas without even saying a word to anyone—

Rei: When work calls. I’d rather focus on doin’ stuff overseas.

Kaoru: That’s all good and all but you left all your devotees here and they started acting out.

Keito: Devotees?

Koga: W-What you lookin’ at me for?

Kaoru: Ahaha. At the live, Sakuma-san brought all of his delinquent friends with him.

Rei: Ah right. Well, that’s just how things go. So, what’s the problem?

Kaoru: The problem is, there seems to have been a bit of a misunderstanding.

They all think they're friends with superstar Sakuma Rei who’s recognised globally.

Rei: Uhuh–

Kaoru: And those who got too invested in the whole thing started calling themselves ‘vampires’. They keep ordering food and leaving without paying, and generally being nuisances.

Saying things like “We’re the disciples of Sakuma Rei, we’re so cool! Let’s not hold back!”

I just wanna know– are you making them do all of this, Sakuma-san?

The ones that call themselves ‘vampires’ say “if you’ve got a complaint, tell it to our boss Sakuma Rei!”

Rei: Are you stupid? What do I gain by makin’ them do shit like that? They’re just morons who’ve got the wrong idea ‘n are doin’ whatever they want.

They’re attention whores tryna ride on my coattails…Haa, this whole thing is weirder than I thought it was.

Kaoru: I thought as much. Those guys are just like vampires; they gather other delinquents and introduce them into the group. It’s pretty obvious.

Based on the size and their vibes, they’re like those groups of hooligans who all wore the same colours.[1]

If people are eating without paying, and hanging around the front of the store acting violently, it’s bad for business. We’re already going through a recession, we don’t need anything else adding to it.

I get it. It’s the whole “it’s your own responsibility” thing, right?

You cause them all to do this, so you should be the one to do something about it, right? Just to be safe, I’ve spoken to some nearby shops and prepared a reward.

By the way. I’m the one telling you this because we go to the same school, but I’d like to think other people around this place agree with me.

Of course, if push comes to shove, I’ll call the police. A lot of the parents of kids that go to Yumenosaki are influential people—

–so I don’t know if the police will actually do anything.

I’d prefer it if you guys could sort it out for me.

Could you ‘exterminate’ those ‘vampires’ for me? ♪

Rei: Ahaha. Might jus’ be a coincidence, but I never thought I’d be out here actin’ like Van Helsing.

Keito: If anything, you’re more like Count Dracula.

Rei: …Welp, I get what you mean. I thought that's how it would go down so I’ve been a bit proactive.

Look. Poor thing, to be left alone like this, but here's the guy behind it all.

Adonis: ...

Keito: That doesn’t make sense. What do you mean it was Otogari?

Rei: This guy’s the boss of the ‘vampires’.

To make a Count Draculua reference, you use a wooden stake to the heart to stop him movin’, ‘n cut his head off t’kill ‘im.

And it’ll be this guy’s head we’ll be cuttin’.

So basically, if we deal with him, everythin’ will be right as rain. Simple, ain’t it ♪

Adonis: ...

[ ☆ ]

he says カラーギャング or ‘color gang’, which were groups of hoodlums whose members all wear clothes in the same colour. Its associated with Ikebukuro in the late 1990s

Chapter 9

Chapter 11

#ensemble stars #enstars #translation #kaoru hakaze #koga oogami #rei sakuma #adonis otogari #keito hasumi #undead climax #biohazard

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strwb3rryfairi · 2 years

Note

Hi! Extremely sorry if this is kinda long and specific,this is my first proper ask:D :(Reader is also a vampire)

_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_

Maybe one where the lost boys start hanging out more with someone(Star preferably because it would make more sense)and slowly kinda become more blunt,uncaring for reader feelings and kinda rude,kinda forgetting the reader in he dust(Poor reader is lonely).

So the reader becomes a mix of the songs 'Little girls' from Annie and 'Life goes on' by Oliver tree and is easily aggravated by the boys and star now,because reader is a tough lil vampire like the boyzzz (But for real,reader can throw a punch)she feels that they are ungrateful, bratty(tho 'bratty' mostly refers to Paul and Marko) and don't care at all(Understandable,reader is kinda dead inside) Angst with a happy ending?

I don't know if you are doing requests or not soooo(I hope this isn't too long) but I hope I ain't being a bother :) (no presure :D) Obviously ignore this if u don't wanna

Poly!Lost boys x Vampire! Reader

warning(s): Angst, allusions to cheating, insecurities, not proof read ^^;;

You had been with the boys for a bit. When they first met you they were entranced, and quickly started a relationship with you, which led to them quickly turning you. You were their sweet partner, and they loved that about you. Things were going great, until they weren’t.

The boys would often brush you off and leave you alone for someone who seemed to have caught their attention. You weren’t really sure who, all you knew was that they went either by the name Nicole or Natalie, honestly you weren’t too sure. They were constantly talking about them, or were seen hanging out with them. You honestly didn’t know how to feel about it. You tried really hard to hangout with them, and spend time with them - but they kept brushing you off. This went on for weeks until you simply stopped trying to get their attention and just moved on. You made some friends, and began hanging out with them more and more. It kinda got to the point where you weren’t really ever in the cave anymore. You would only show up right before sunrise and sleep in your nest in the cave away from the boys.

It sadly took the boys a bit to notice your absence, but once they noticed they wouldn’t leave you alone. The constantly tried to hangout with you, sleep in your nest with you, try to have dinner with you 1 but you never seemed to pay them any mind. You always scooted away from the group, or made excuses as to why you couldn’t hangout.

Tonight started off like any other. You got dressed, washed your face, grabbed your bag, and began to head out. It was your routine for the past couple of weeks, after the boys became more and more distant. It was 9pm and you were just about to head out when a voice made you stop in your tracks. “Where are you headed off too, kitten?” David spoke up from his chair. You turned to the blonde who had his whole posse around him. “To the boardwalk, i’m meeting a couple of friends.” You said nonchalantly. This caused David to raise his eyebrows. “Well, we were thinking about having a night in, we could-“ Paul cut in. “We could watch movies, order takeout, make out, have sex, do-“ David cut him off. “Paul! Enough.” David turned back to you, trying to see your reaction. You looked away awkwardly before speaking. “Sorry, i already made plans.” Paul and Marko looked like kicked puppies and pouted, while Dwayne seemed to cross his arms in a pissed off manner. “Oh. We’ll have fun.” David said through gritted teeth. “Yeah, thanks.” You said before making your way out of the cave and to the boardwalk.

It was silent for a moment before it was broken by Paul. “What was that?! They didn’t even say “I love you” before they left!!” Paul said while pacing around the cave. “It’s odd.” Dwayne said while picking the skin around his fingers. Marko’s leg was bouncing up and down rapidly and David was smoking a cigarette with his brows furrowed.

Paul continued to rant out loud, before Marko cut him off. “Do you think we did something to piss them off?” He said while looking at David. The faux blonde took a deep breath before looking back at Marko. “I’m not too sure.” The group went quiet for a bit, before Dwayne spoke up. “Well, we’ve all been kinda busy recently. Spending less time with them, Spending more time with Nicole. Maybe they got fed up.” Dwayne said softly. They all stood in shock before David let out a quiet “Fuck.” Paul and Marko instantly rushed to their bikes to try and talk to you, but we’re pulled back by David. “Wait boys, give them space. We’ll talk to them when they get back.” Paul and Marko we’re about to protest before David and Dwayne have them a look that had then shutting up.

While the boys were down in the dumps you were having the time of your life. Your friends were awesome and so funny. You ate junk food, rode on all the rides, got stuffed animals. It was a perfect night. However, all good things must come to an end - and at 1:00am your friends decided to hit the hay and head home. You all said your goodbyes and soon headed back to the cave. When you walked in it was eerily quiet. It was too early for them to sleep, so why was it so quiet? As you ventured further into the cave you saw Paul and Marko high out of their minds quietly talking to each other, while Dwayne was reading your favorite book, and David was simply lost in thought. As you got closer they all turned to look at you, You awkwardly smiled and waved and began making your way to your side of the cave when David called you over. You hesitantly turned around and began making your way to the group standing by the couches with your arms crossed. “Sit down.” David instructed softly. You looked and saw that every seat was taken up, so you shook your head. “No it’s fine, I can stand.” David scoffed before patting his lap. “Come on Kitten, we need to talk about what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, and i don’t want you standing the whole time.” You slowly walked over and began to say on his lap before he adjusted you so you both were in comfortable positions. “Do you wanna bring it up or should i?” David said while stroking your waist. You were silent for a moment before you shrugged. David sighed at your behavior, He and the boys hated when you became closed off. “Well it looks like we haven’t been treating you that well, so you’ve been avoiding us sweetheart.” You looked down before speaking. “I haven’t been avoiding you, i’ve just been busy.” David gave your waist a squeeze which was pretty much a warning to stop lying to them. “Busy? With your new friends? You’ve barely spoken to us, and when we try to go to you, you push us away!” Paul said defensively. Your head shoots up and your eyebrows furrow at this. “I have been pushing you away because you guys have been doing that to me! It’s like we aren’t even together half of the time because you are always spending time with that girl! Nicole, Natalie, I don’t care! You guys have been seriously acting like brats! So i’m sorry that i didn’t wanna loath in my bed all night while you guys have fun with your new toy!” You said while standing up from David’s lap and beginning to walk away. This caused the boys to panic, thinking you were leaving them for good. “Wait! Where are you going babe?” Marko said while catching up to you. “Outside. I need a breather.” You said while walking out of the cave and walking down towards the beach.

The boys turned to Paul before Marko spoke up. “Nice going man, now they’re even more pissed at us.” Marko said while punching Paul’s arm. Paul winced and began pouting. “I’m sorry! I don’t even know why i said that to them. I’m such an idiot.” Paul said while rubbing his hands down his face. “Yeah, You are.” Marko retorted, which caused the blonde to pout even more. “You aren’t supposed to agree!”

You were walking away from the cave and sat on the sand by the cliff. Taking deep breaths you tried really hard to calm down. You hated arguments, especially with the boys, you just wanted everything to be okay between you guys. Sighing you began closing your eyes and enjoying the quiet. Your little moment of peace was interrupted by the sound of boots hitting the sand. Sighing you opened your eyes and looked up at the boys from your place on the sand. Paul walked up from the group and closer to you with his head held low. “I’m really sorry babe, I don’t know why I acted like that. I’ve just been so upset because i really miss you. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you, that was a messed up thing for me to do.” You got up and held you arms out for the boy who instantly rushed into them and hugged you like you would vanish if he let go. “It’s fine, i think we’ve all been kinda upset recently.” You said while putting your head in the crook of his neck. You and Paul were silent for a bit, basking in the comfort of each other. Before you looked up at the rest of the boys and nudged your head to let them know it was out to join. Which they all did instantly. You stayed there for a sec in your group hug before you all let go. Even when you pulled away Paul still had a death grip on your hand. Due to how distant you all have been, the boy got needy and was in desperate need of your attention.

You all soon began making your way back to the cave. It was silent, but it wasn’t bad - it was more like a comfortable silence between the group. Paul led you to your nest, and soon you and your boys were in a cuddle pile. Arms and legs sprawled all over, and the feeling of being pressed against your boys was enough to lull you to sleep. Your breathing was heavy and you looked like an angel to your boys. They regretted making you upset, so that night they all decided that they wouldn’t ever allow tonight’s events to repeat, because they were truly and utterly yours.

A/N: guys this took me so long to make because i’ve been so out of it these past couple of weeks, but it’s now summer so i should get to writing more !!

#poly!lost boys #poly!lost boys x reader #the lost boys #the lost boys 1987 #the lost boys headcanon #the lost boys imagines #the lost boys x reader

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thedanoriddler · 2 years

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Hi!! I hope you’re doing good!! I literally found your blog today and I love your writing so much!! 💜 Could you pls write abt Eddie comforting you after an argument or issue with your family? I feel like it’d be really interesting to see how he’d handle that.

Given that I had a bad argument with my family last week, I really felt this ask 😭 I hope these are okay!

✨ Edward Nashton Comforting You After You Fight With Your Family ✨

Warnings: Some small references to smut but nothing overly explicit, references to body-shaming/fighting with your family

First of all, regardless of what the argument with your family was about, you just KNOW that Edward is there for you, regardless of what time it is or what the fight was about

He is ALWAYS on your side no matter what, he will always side with you during an argument with anyone because in his eyes you can do no wrong

He’ll patiently listen as you rant and ramble about the fight you’ve had with your family, nodding his head but otherwise just waiting before you’re finished before offering any opinions or advice

If the argument happens in front of him him though, he’ll stay out of it, just holding your hand and squeezing tightly. If your family start insulting you or he can see that you’re getting extremely emotional, though, then he’d step in to disagree with your family members because no one gets to insult you like that?!?! How dare they?!?

He’s not outwardly rude to their faces, but he’d definitely speak up to make it clear he’s on your side and that they’re wrong

Sometimes all he does is takes your hand and pulls you away from the argument because he’s so furious that he’s on the verge of saying or doing something really bad to them, like something that will make things worse between you and your family, and the last thing you need is your family having another thing - ie. Your choice of romantic partner or friendship group - to criticise you on

Eddie often takes you to his favourite coffee shop and orders you both coffee as well as a slice of pumpkin pie to share (it’s mostly for him if we’re honest but you appreciate the gesture, and sharing pastries with him is amazing) as you talk about what’s happened, and he does little coffee foam art things to try and make you smile, even doing whatever shapes you request

“… Could you maybe do a leaf, Eddie?” “Oh, that’s an easy one - of course! :D”

Honestly having coffee with him and getting to talk about it really helps, he listens so attentively to you all the time and it makes you feel so much better because he truly cares about what you’re saying and what you’re feeling

He lets you stay the night at his place so you can cuddle up with him and so you can feel safe together. He definitely wouldn’t hesitate to let you stay with him, especially if you usually live with your family or don’t have anywhere else to go etc.

If it’s a really bad fight that leads to you crying/full on sobbing, expect him to hug you super tight and not want to let go - the man is clingy as fuck and always shows it, not that you mind all that much of course

Either while he’s hugging you or if you’re cuddling in bed together while you’re sad about what’s happened, he’ll start humming songs like Ave Maria to calm you down, just running his hands through your hair and trying to soothe you, to help you sleep

Hearing his voice humming as his fingers run through your hair or over your back, the steady beat of his heart in his chest where you’re resting your head, his arms tightly wrapped around you… it’s so calming and makes you feel so much better

If your family has criticised your appearance, expect Eddie to be worshipping the fuck out of you even MORE than you’re used to. Like he already worships the ground you walk on, but now it’s amplified by ten. For example, if they’re criticising you being plus sized, he’s gonna be kissing the shit out of your tummy and your thighs and just absolutely rambling about how much he adores them, how much he loves how soft you are, he literally can’t stop himself, he’s just an absolute simp for you

No but when I say that man is a simp for you, he literally is. If your family has insulted ANYTHING about you, whether it’s your weight, your personality, part of your identity, your hair etc, he’s so ready to start telling you how much he loves every part of you and why they’re wrong, he could rant about how much he likes every part of you for hours if you let him

Eddie definitely wouldn’t hurt your family, because even when you’re fighting with them he knows you wouldn’t want anything to happen to them, but if one of them actually did do something like lay a finger on you or something super serious… expect the Riddler to pay them a visit at the very least 👀

Just in general, he’s very supportive and wonderful and would do quite literally anything for you 💚

#edward nashton x reader #the riddler x reader #paul dano x reader #paul dano #the batman #the riddler #edward nashton #danonation #the riddler imagine #asks #headcanons

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donnerpartyofone · 9 months

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I just had the misfortune of seeing that 100k post where someone is commanding Twitter migrants to reblog all the fan art they see, on the premise that if an artist has a reblog:like ratio of 1/50 or something then they'll be so discouraged that they'll quit. OP then reblogs their own post to say that there's someone who sometimes reblogs the first post 200 times a day--which like, my reaction to that was "wow that's completely unhinged and not good", but what OP meant was that we should all cater to whatever that person wants to make them happy. I generally don't see the point in yelling at strangers on the internet, but I really had to restrain myself from pointing out that this was the stated motivation on the Staff post about fucking with the chronological feed: that if we all have too much power to curate what we see, then some users will feel unpopular. Which is like, completely normal and acceptable, in reality. There are just so many problems with this attitude:

Nobody owes you attention. Most people don't enjoy random waves of applause just for existing, and most of us have learned to live with this and place importance on things other then validation from strangers.

If your principle reason for making art is NOT the art-making itself, and if you know that you would stop making art if it never got you some form of fame and fortune, then you should literally stop making art. Just stop right now, and find something to do that is more rewarding and less psychologically perilous for you.

If you have ever tried to work in any creative industry at all, then you should know that it can take absolutely forever to get good at something. And it might never happen. And even if it does happen and you turn out to be a genius, still, people might not notice or care--especially if you're really original. There's a reason it's become cliche for people to remind each other of how famous writer X wasn't published until he was 50 or famous painter Y only became important posthumously. If you can't take the heat, see above.

If you're just begging your personal friends to help circulate your work, that's between you and them. But you can't order people who just got to this platform five minutes ago to fill up their accounts with stuff that maybe they like enough to hit the like button, but they don't like it enough to add it to their own page. People are allowed to like your art on a limited basis.

If you're so emotionally dependent on popularity that you think its acceptable to strong-arm strangers into shilling for you, then you should probably take some time to get to know yourself better and figure that out, before you rake yourself over the coals of social media conflict about it. I used to have a mutual (not an artist, just a guy) who had really serious behavioral problems in this department: One day I reblogged a very popular post that had been making the rounds, and suddenly this guy was up my ass with righteous anger about why I didn't reblog it from him personally. I actually took the time to explain that the post itself was doing a lot of traffic, I had no idea that he was one of the thousands of people who had reblogged it, and I can't bother to go combing through his blog every time I see something I like just in case I can reblog it from him individually. Incredibly, he didn't even get what I was saying, he was so invested in the idea that I should conscientiously use my blog to pay tribute to him, and eventually I had to block him for being rude like this all the time, and he was really sad about it. Don't be like that guy.

And finally, the post I'm referring to counted as art things like gif sets and "edits" (a vague concept I think barely counts as creative work but whatever) from TV shows and all kinds of other fan posts. And like, that is just a bridge too far. I shouldn't even have to explain why. And I won't.

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moonchildridden · 2 years

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NottPun, that couple (who’re not exactly a couple) that showed a lot of nuances in less than an hour: attention seekers, maybe jealousy, secret crushes, fear, pressure and the need for allies (Episode 2)

Hi. Hello. It’s moonchild here. You guys can’t see but my brain is burning right now as a write this, with the amount of things I’m thinking and how messy everything is in here. Why is that happening, you may ask? War Of Y: New Ship second episode just dropped. And I have things to say about it.

I would like to say first that this episode was I-N-T-E-N-S-E and A LOT of things happened, whether they were on the nose or not, and also dropped LORE about what the hell is going on around NottPun, the type of relationship they have and how the industry is affecting them. Most of things that happened were a continuity of the themes I explained in my first post about them and others were a new highlight on things that were shown but not so much.

Second, I cannot stress this enough, the fact that we still don’t have the posts/comments/messages translated is a big hindrance to my full enjoyment of the story. I shouldn’t have to go out of my way to translate things so I can understand the meat of the story, and being susceptible of having the wrong translations and, by default, understand things wrong also. Luckily, even if the translations are a bit…off…because I know the context of their placement, is kinda easy to see what was said and how it affected and impacted the story.

Third, again, this episode was intense. Not because it shoved a lot of ugly things about the industry in our faces just like the first one did but because it went deeper into Pun’s inner life and struggles, his weaknesses and how everything he absorbs made him the man he is, with all that seemingly rude and diva like behavior. It also went into details about his dynamics with Nott and dropped more hints about how both of them may be exactly what the other need.

Because I need to be a responsible adult, I need to make my usual disclaimers before getting started: everything that you guys will be reading in this post is the result of my observations into very specific parts of the episode, frame by frame repetitive viewing and me getting to the most plausible conclusion after taking all in, meaning that most of the things will be on the speculative territory, others in (maybe) theory territory and some can (or so I think) be proven by in-dialogues and scenes arrangements, so take things with a grain of salt, ok?

I’ll try, albeit I may not managed to do that the way I want, to divide this post into segments to facilitate your understanding of my thought process, and those segments will follow the order of events presented in the episode, with things in bold being mostly dialogues and things in italic being me emphasizing or exaggerating my thoughts.

Contrary to what I did before, instead of talking about themes as a whole, I will discuss the events that transpired in the episode and try to tie them with the themes I identified in the first episode. And because there is continuity of themes in this episode, I will reference a few things that I wrote in my last post, but no need to worry about needing to read that post first because I will paraphrase when necessary. But after this, you can check it out, it was a blast writing that.

So, without further ado, let’s get this started.

1. Approval + attention + validation = a desire to exist within the industry

When I made the character profile of Pun in the previous post, I said that he gets a high in being adored and that he’s the type of person willing to do everything he can to get what he wants, and nothing showcases that better than him researching about the TTV’s producer that was going to visit the set where they were shooting Mafia Baby’s second season and using the information he got to “impress” the man and have a big chance of working with him.

Pun projects specific images of himself to certain people and he tries to sell the image that he deems best to a specific person. To the TTV producer, he tries to appear interested in his works, in the cast and crew’s well-being, in being nice and always willing to do his utmost best in the pursuit of doing a good job. To the crew and rest of the cast, he shows a distant and cold man, someone who’s above all of them and should have his desires granted as soon as they are vocalized or expressed. To his fans, he shows a sensitive and caring man, someone worth of being adored and taken care of, someone whom they can put their trust in and follow without an issue. None of those images are really what he is, his real personality.

We barely know who we really are and it can take years to have a glimpse of our real personality, what we really are on the inside and not what the world thinks about us. When the subject is famous people, this notion of not having knowledge of their real personality doubles because the person we see on screen can by anything and we only see what they want us to see, when they want us to see, and Pun is a good example of that. The way he seems to push away people behind the cameras but seems welcoming in front of them, the way he is nice to some but rude to others, the way he keeps some people close but push away others is a classic depiction of the volatility of the human personality and how someone can have “many faces” and we’ll never know which one is the real one.

Pun uses this volatility to fulfill some sort of “need” for approval and/or attention and that supposed need is more related to the industry itself and not him, as Pun. Between his real self and the personas he show the world there is a wall, and the images he projects act as a mask to hide what he thinks he should not be showing, who he really his, so he can survive in the industry and that surviving can only be attained through validation as the persona Pun, the actor, that in turn will become validation as Pun, the real person, the one almost no one knows about.

And so, he fights to get attention (from fans, from sponsors, from producers, pretty much anyone who can catapult him higher), then he fights to get approval (comments on social media, from producers, filming crew, etc.) and in the end he grabs any chance he can get to reach the validation he needs (awards and a more permanent stay in the industry) and continue to feed the personas he created to hide his real self.

2. Romantic jealousy versus Professional envy

One thing that I noticed (kinda late) is that it seems that we are getting the story mostly through Pun’s perspective, meaning that the only way we can get any glimpse of other character’s behavior and intentions is by analyzing the way they interact with Pun and the dialogues they have with him. Nott’s behavior, for instance, is the strongest indicator of this, being him the other main protagonist alongside Pun, making things a bit difficult to actually see because we need to take into account that Nott and Pun are two actors, doing their job, but they are also separate people, meaning that we shouldn’t only look at their attitudes together as a result of their professional relationship but also look into their personal relationship; and here is where things become murkier.

What we need to understand here first is that Nott also wants to maintain a foot in the industry, even if he doesn’t seem to go through almost extreme lengths like Pun to do that. And so, because he wants to secure his place, he also needs to catch attention of the producers that appear in his way, because we never know when luck struck and the opportunity comes knocking in our door. However, the only reaction we have from him in relation to the TTV’s producer visit to the set is annoyance; annoyance because Pun seemed too interested in getting Tai’s attention.

That annoyance begs the question, what is the reason Nott didn’t seem to like Tai’s presence that day, when what he should be doing was show that he could be a good addition to whatever project Tai may have?. One could argue that Nott was feeling threatened by Pun’s ability to charm producers and steal his opportunities but that falls flat when Nott did nothing himself to also grabs the producer’s attention and instead spent his time expressing his dissatisfaction of Pun’s behavior and telling Pun that it was enough that he was taking advantage of him, Pun shouldn’t do that to others, gaining a “how many people I decide to do it with is up to him” and “mind your own business” as a response from Pun.

With that, I know pose the question: is it really farfetched to think that Nott’s behavior stems from some sort of romantic jealousy, when the way he acted supports that? How much can we infer that his actions were of someone feeling that with Pun getting attention, his days on the industry were counted? Can we assume that Nott feels that his fame is attached to Pun and the fact that they are a shipped couple, so he is doing all he can to keep Pun by his side and, by proxy, his fame intact? Or can we view the little altercation in front of the ice machine, where Nott ate the ice put there specifically to Pun, and used the excuse that Pun gave the ice to others (by “others” here we understand TTV’s producer), so he also could have some, as an attitude who didn’t like that the object of his affection is showing interest in other people? When does Nott’s actions stop being of someone who supposedly likes Pun and becomes something a disgruntled partner would do?

How blurry are those two lines? Can we really consider the existence of them or there is only one, the romantic one, which can be ramified to other ones, using them as camouflage?

3. How social media warped our views and understanding of human relations

Social media, in theory, is a place that can unify large groups of people in one single place, connect people who wouldn’t otherwise have the chance to do so and reconnect long lost acquainted people after many years of contact lost. When we get to the real life, however, social media become a mine field, where everyone is playing mine sweeper and those who are unfortunate enough to step on mined tiles are used as cautionary tales as to what not to do in certain situations. Someday, we will all step on a mined tile, is inevitable.

In the industry, no matter which one, social media is used a metric of evaluation of authenticity of famous people relationship with each other and also as a big sized projection of individual ideas of how human relations should be and their boundaries. In the BL industry, the industry being scrutinized in this episode, the fans really like to use social media to dictate how their faves should behave towards other people, especially when in regards to the actors and their shipped couples.

If an actor X tweets something and their shipped couple does not reply, there is a problem. If actor Y posts something on Instagram and their shipped couple does not like the post, they clearly had a fight and don’t talk with each other. If actor Z does not post a story with their shipped couple, they hate each other. Social media became the only source of validation of authenticity of actors personal relationship with each other and anything that is not shown, any interaction that is not broadcasted, it simply does not exist and so can’t be used to prove that the actors don’t secretly hate each other and only tolerate the other because the work they have together demands them to.

And god forbids the actors have a “fight” or simply disagree with one another, it is definitive proof that they really don’t like each other, they are being forced to be together, and all the schmutz that is associated with fanservice (I will talk about that later).

Going into what happened between NottPun, it is a situation that even if it’s not good, can happen with anyone when they are simply not in the mood to that type of “joke”. Pun is not exactly a lively person and the chances of him being already in a bad mood are kinda high, so when he sees Nott eating his ice, he is not pleased. Then Nott starts doing a live without asking Pun, kisses him on the cheek without asking beforehand, irritating even more someone who’s already annoyed by him and the result was kinda obvious; it is was something being made between closed doors, probably it wouldn’t have being an issue but the fact that that specific event was broadcasted, thus creating a snowball that kept rolling downhill.

That snowball was created mainly through the comments and twitter posts (that international viewers did not had full access to) and for what I managed to gather in my scuffed translations, it went from saying that NottPun did not promoted/talked about the queer community to calling what happened between them during those few seconds clip a case of sexual harassment. And even after the tweet Pun made on Nott’s twitter account, explaining that what happened had mislead many people, that they pretend to tease each other like that and apologizing to Pun and his fans, things were already out of hand, with some not believing on the tweet, other asking how could he “blame the fans” (by saying that they misinterpreted the situation) and other just being a mixture of the earlier comments.

Things were ugly on the fan’s side of things. And were also getting ugly on NottPun’s side too.

[Side note here because even if this happened during the swarm of comments regarding the clip of them “fighting”, I feel like I need to talk about this now. I said in the last post that Pun seemed to recoil every time someone touched/tried to touch him except when the person doing the touching was his manager or Nott. When Nott pressed Pun on the glass, it was the second time in a row we saw him not feeling comfortable with Nott touching him and actively pushing him away, with the first being the situation that caused all of this mess. And, again because the comments that were plastered on screen during that scene were not translated, it gets a bit difficult to feel the tone of the scene but it is very telling that one of the comments mentioned “consent”, tying back with the other comment talking about sexual harassment.

I know it was not something random, because everything that happened so far wasn’t, so it has to mean something. Either being to sparkle conversation about boundaries between actors and what kind of touch they are allowed to do with each other, to show how we take our own conclusions when presented with a situation, even if it’s a very strong stretch, or a combination of both, we cannot deny that Nott touching Pun like that was a middle no-no, and Pun makes that clear by saying “if I didn’t tell you what to do (i.e. give you permission), you have no right (of doing what you did)”; that means that Nott only touches Pun because Pun allows him to and there are certain situations where Nott’s touch is not welcomed. And Nott, at least, understood that.]

Going back to the social media stuff, the fans seem to think that every aspect of a relationship must be broadcasted and when that does not happen, either there is something wrong or the relationship itself does not exist. And that way of thinking becomes toxic because it literally forces the actors to maintain a facade and post about every step they make, everything they do, just to prove to a bunch of people online that feel entitled to their entire lives just because they are famous, that the relationship that exists between them and their shipping partner is not strictly professional, that is not fake. And being obligated to maintain that facade, soon or later, can create strains in the relationship and, if something happens and the relation falls apart, someone people will use that as “proof” that they were right, when they were the reason the relationship failed in the first place.

4. Theory of easy replacement (i.e. Apparent lack of space within the industry/dispute between BL actors

The first theme that I identified in my post about episode 1 was that the industry makes it seem like there isn’t enough space to every BL actor to exist and that for every actor that rises in fame, other must fall to give them space. Pun’s seemingly need for attention/approval/validation can also stem from his fear of “being replaced” in the industry, and that is shown in two ways:

1 – Pun seeing Tai’s attention on GusBew is seeing here, through his perspective, as a threat to his goals of securing a role in any future project that Tai may have. After the scene where Tai is watching GusBew rehearse their scene, there is a tweet shown that basically says that the OP is feeling bored of the old couple (NottPun), because all they do is fanservice (hey, look fanservice being mentioned again!) but the new couple (GusBew) is the one they are secretly cheering for because they give a fresh, shy, happy look and also have good space (?) between them, maybe alluding to the sexual harassment and consent thing.

2 – That fear of being replaced, coupled with the pressure Pun was feeling because of the comments he was reading online were the reason he had his first panic attack while shooting for the love scene, which was not a coincidence. First we had Pun telling Nott that because they know each other for a good amount of time he did not need to like his posts on social media or do any other service (I’m still trying to understand the correlation between those two topics, so if anyone manages to get it, please comment so I can see) and to stay away from him, to which Nott reacted with some indignation, getting a “come on, do as I say” as a response from Pun. Then, we had Nott telling Pun to “do it for him” (meaning immerse himself in the scene for him), which led to them starting kissing and another swarm of non-translated comments appearing on screen, making critiques about the series (saying stuff like the ss2 is practically a porn movie, that the industry is setting the bar low with the series) and NottPun as a shipped couple (that they look awkward, that they are queerbaiting and doing all of that for the pink money), causing him to literally freak out and interrupt the scene so he could calm himself down.

3 – Listening to Tai say that he was actually eyeing him but if he (Pun) was going to be like that (have a panic attack every time he needed to shoot a love scene or some variation of that), he was not suitable for TV drama practically validated Pun’s fears of not being enough and the thinking that what he was doing was wrong, to justify why he was not getting the opportunities he wanted, despite working so hard to get them. He was losing his ground to other people and, clearly, it was his fault.

Pun knows that not everyone will have the same opportunities in life, that’s why he is willing to sacrifice a lot just to have his. But when things outside his control happen, and he is a very controlling person because the more control he has the least surprises he will have in the future, he does not compute fast enough a way out to either get the chance he lost back or run for another one, creating a loop of unfulfilled goals and more pressure over his head to sacrifice even more than before to get to the top.

5. Not so secret crushes

I know I said before that Nott likes Pun, or at least thinks about Pun as more than just friends, but the way his conversation with Pun in the changing room before the event really started to really highlight that there is something there, and that Pun knows about it or, at least, suspects it, really sold that idea for me.

On one side we have Pun asking Nott if he was not tired of having to make fanservice, implying that everything Nott does is just to please their fans and that Pun was tired himself of that. On the other, we have Nott being very careful with his words, saying that him liking Pun’s picture on social media, taking care of him, complimenting him, is all his doing, not some sort of “moral obligation”, and that Pun is “the one who knows best the reason he did what he did”, then asking if it was Pun who did all he did to service the fans. Granted, Nott could’ve been talking about the fact that because they know each other for a while, there is “friendship” formed between them and that Nott doing those things was just what a friend would do to another friend (whether it was a normal friendship or a friendship with benefits, it didn’t matter, as long as it was not in the guise of a professional relationship) but the way Pun’s face softened after those words made me think that he is at least a bit aware that what Nott does to him is not just because they are “supposed” to do that for the fans, but because he genuinely liked him (as a friend or more).

When we entertain that idea, Pun drawing a line between him and Nott having sex off cam and what they do during shooting becomes something bigger than him just preventing his coworker to mix what he considers a time to relieve stress to work but Pun not wanting Nott to mix his romantic feelings into what they were doing and ending up ruining things in a way that would render their work almost unbearable.

I said in Nott’s character profile that he was an easy going guy, really approachable and friendlier, and in this episode we actually got to see that side of him again but he also seems to have a bit of difficulty controlling his actions when his feelings are bubbling very close to the surface, with him eating Pun’s ice just because Pun offered the ice to Tai, then being all lovey dovey in a very short live, then asking Pun to immerse himself on the kiss during shooting and then almost outright confessing his feelings out loud when Pun accused him of doing all he did just for fanservice. That inability could very much create so much tension between them that no amount of “workshop” could fix and, in the process, ruin Pun’s chance of growing in the industry.

However, the look Pun gave to Nott when Nott was helping him fix his jacket, honestly speaking, it was the look of a man letting the words he heard seconds ago really sink in inside of him, absorbing the implied meaning of them and letting himself being vulnerable for a few seconds before putting the mask back on. Pun did not wanted to believe Nott’s words, because he did not wanted to put his faith onto something that could very well be conditional and, if there is something Pun don’t want is to have people liking him conditionally, I mean really like him. He was scared of believing Nott, because the chances of Nott not being true to him were very high; and he could not control the outcome of that, so why bother trying.

And, if we really think that thought, couldn’t that also mean that Pun has some sort of feelings for Nott as well or, at least, is starting to develop some, right?

6. Industry Judas

How do we evaluate how much a piece of information costs? By the ability to create damage and chaos when release? By how long it has circulating around? By whom it affects and how high is the position of the person/people involved in the information? No matter what metric we use to do that, information is power and those who detain power, detain everything.

Between famous people, we all know that there are people close to them selling their information to news outlets in exchange of money or simply just to ruin the famous people lives. Sure, in some instances, the famous people themselves give that information and them pretend to have those same information “stolen” from them but without a way of proving that, the only thing we can assume is that someone close enough to them sold that information for whatever reason. And that’s exactly what happened in this episode; someone decided to personify Judas and “betray” the confidentiality that comes with private matter regarding what happen to actors during the shooting.

One thing would be people using NottPun’s public “fight” and the fact that none of them had been liking each other’s posts to assume that they are having problems between them (going back to the perception we have about the actors relationship through social media) but other thing entirely is the reporters asking if it was true that NottPun fought a lot behind the scenes and cause the shooting team to stop in the middle of the scene because that is not an inference based on what they saw online, it was a very specific question about something that actually happened and they were just asking for a confirmation of the fact. It was not a “so, what happened between you two that made Nott not like the last two posts from Pun?” but a “so, you guys had a fight that caused problems during shooting, right? And that’s the reason Nott hasn’t liked the last two posts from Pun. Can you guys confirm this?” which means that they were expecting for a good moment to just say that out loud.

And also, who the hell is the GossipXoxo’s account owner and how do they know so much about what happens in the shooting set or between NottPun? Seriously, I need to know.

7. Fanservice & personal expectations

I’ve waited since the day the trailer for New Ship came out to see what would be the event surrounding the conversation about Pun’s complaint of fanservice and oh boy, I got exactly what I wanted! I always found the discourse about fanservice fascinating because it can always give you an insight about the person giving you opinions about it and how they perceive human relationships and display of affection in these types of environments.

Speaking for myself, I have a pretty neutral stance about fanservice and what all of it entails. There are moments where I wished the industry or even the fans didn’t demand the actors to do certain things just for their entertainment but in general, I don’t lose sleep over fanservice and pretty much don’t judge the actors relationship based on that. However, being an almost full time twitter person, I’ve seen a lot of opinions about fanservice but the most prominent ones are these two: some people don’t like fanservice and some people really like fanservice.

To explain exactly how the discourse about fanservice really is just a mess sprinkled with glitter, I’m gonna use what Pun said bit by bit and talk about it:

- “When we service, we get insulted and when we don’t service we get insulted” – this sentence alone sums up perfectly the online discourse I see about fanservice. Because when a shipped couple does fanservice, some people literally write essays about how the actors relationship is fake, that they are being obligated to be together by their company or they are just doing it for the “pink money” (for example, OhmNanon are the latest victim of this discourse, especially after their fanmeeting), basically saying that they hate each other’s gut and only tolerate one another because of their job. However, when a shipped couple does minimal to no perceivable fanservice, some people have the impression that the actors hate each other and can’t even stand be a feet close to their shipped partner, to the point of disgust, and not even the money they would receive for doing said fanservice is enough to convince them to actually do something, meaning that their relationship is fake and that they are also being obligated to be together by their company and stuff like that.

Did you guys note something? How similar the reactions for the existence or not of fanservice are pretty much the same, the only thing that changes is what the person is talking about. This is basically the online discourse about fanservice in a nutshell.

I could rant about how some opinions stand out among those I mentioned above, saying that the industry is relying more and more on the fanservice itself and hoping that it alone can sustain the series the actors are promoting, instead of searching for a way of improving the quality of the Thai BL in the country, the ability of the actors and the quality of the story being portrayed, and also how in some instances fanservice can be detrimental to the actors relationship (a good example is what happened with OhmToey during the Make It Right era); this is an opinion I can, in certain cases, stand by it but, as I stated before, my stance is just neutral about it, so that opinion almost always stays in the back of my mind.

- “And what kind of shipped couple do they want me to be? Why all I did seems so wrong? Or just being me, is the reason of their hatred” – this here tackles the part pertaining the expectations the fans put on the actors about the type of display of affection that they want to see and what makes them comfortable. To explain better, I will use an example of something that happened in 2019, that not many people may know about: when the cast of 2 Moons 2 was announced and then started doing promotions and stuff, a well-known person in the “original” fandom of the “original” cast, that is also a fan translator, went on twitter to complain about the kind of fanservice PavelDome (ForthBeam in the new 2M2 version) were doing, saying that they were being too sexual in their interactions and basically accusing Pavel of just being a fuckboy doing all of that for attention and being “cringe” at the same time, relying on his physical attributes rather than his acting skills.

At the time, I took that as the person just being frustrated with the change of cast and not being used to the new one but after I saw that the person was actively shitting on the new cast without giving them the chance to prove themselves, while also indirectly calling Pavel every synonym of slut, I realized that the person placed their behavioral expectations on the new cast based on the old one and simply started criticizing them for it. The worst part in all of that is that Pavel, at the time, was just being his normal self, the only difference is that there were a lot more people watching him do that.

Another example of how expectations really ruin people’s perspective about actors display of affection is ZeeNunew. A lot, and I mean A LOT, of people like to say that their relationship is fake because they are too lovey dovey with each other, using Zee’s previous shipped couple, Saint, as proof of that, saying that everything Zee says about/to Nunew, he used to do the same with Saint and stuff like that, implying that you cannot compliment the person you work with because when the person change, it will render your new relationship invalid.

OhmNanon. Some people accuse them of being fake because they do fanservice (like what happened during their fanmeeting), others accuse them of not doing enough fanservice, thus their relationship is fake and they don’t like each other.

OffGun. A shipped couple that barely do fanservice, to the point of their fans jokingly ask them to do some so they don’t die of starvation, to give them some crumbs, is accused of being fake simply because they don’t do fanservice.

KristSingto. Even if they don’t have a new project (like a series) since 2018, they are still good friends and hang out together with a surprising frequency, but people always say that they hate each other because they don’t broadcast every time they are together. That gained so much traction that Singto got asked if he and Krist hated each other TWICE in the span of six months, and he denied BOTH times, stating that they are fairly private people so whenever they are together, only a few people will know about. Krist, in one interview, said that there are instances of him and Singto going out together and people only finding about that like six months later, because one of them slipped that during an interview/live or because one their friends said something; and their friends/managers/family are always vouching for their friendship, going at lengths to call out those who always spread rumors about KS hating each other. Heck, KS even LAUGHED the last time they were asked that question, and I mean the kind of laughter you give when you listen something so absurd that you cannot believe what you just heard.

BKPP. Another victim of the online discourse of fanservice and they suffer from both sides. People accused Billkin a few times of queerbaiting, accused PP of being “too expressive” (badmouthing him for being feminine), said that they don’t really like each other because they don’t do much fanservice, then flipping the disc and saying that they only pretend to be friends for the cameras, even if they met each other years ago and are on each other’s side in every important moment in their lives.

I could go on and on about a lot more examples of double standards of the fanservice online discourse, because there is a lot roaming around, but I think that the examples I gave are enough for you guys to understand the scope of absurdity that the industry is creating. And don’t get me started on who some fandoms use the existence or not of fanservice to create fanwars with things like “at least my faves friendship is genuine, is not fanservice”, what makes me question “and what is so bad about fanservice that you need to brag about your faves ‘not doing it’?”. Why are we demonizing fanservice, when fanservice itself is not the real problem here but how the industry uses the concept of fanservice and the perception people have about that?

[That reminded me of something. When JIMIN of BTS was asked if he does fanservice with the other members, he said that all is actions are genuine and none of them is just for the sake of pleasing fans, and that response got people calling him a homophobe, just because he said he did not do things to please fans. People were out there equating fanservice with queer display of affection and if that does not tell you exactly the kind of mindset some people have, I don’t know what else can, to be honest.]

I’m not saying that there isn’t issues regarding the concept of fanservice and how it can be harmfully applied in some situations, I’m not that naïve. However, I’m not gonna sit here and pretend to have a higher moral ground and judge those who do fanservice, because I’m not them and I cannot dictate what is the “right way” of showing affection, because different people show affection differently and all we can do, as rational human beings that we claim to be, is understand that sometimes people do things that we would find uncomfortable and that’s ok, we can’t please everyone at the same time, is just not possible. What we can do is distance ourselves from situations that we find uncomfortable and let people live the way they want to, without criticizing their every move, call them names or accuse them of doing things they are not doing.

Nott’s “the world is just as bad as it is” is a good way of seeing the world and understanding that is not worth betray ourselves because of what people say online. Because we cannot please everyone, there will always be a criticism coming from someone, because we did or say something they did not like (I’m not talking about saying or doing offensive stuff) or we didn’t do what they wanted us to do. Pun cares about what people say about it so much that it is affecting him physical and mental health to the point of him having panic attacks during shooting or fainting in the middle of an event, and Nott knows that, he sees it all and it pains him seeing Pun isolate himself so much that he does not reach out for help simply because he does not trust anyone and act like he has no one on his side, like he’s fighting a battle alone and everyone else is his enemy.

It’s not easy to let go of the notion that we need external approval and validation to feel like we have purpose in this world, and considering the fact that Pun’s job literally feeds of external approval and validation, it becomes twice as hard for him to actually understand that seeking the perfect image so that others like him is killing him slowly, like a car crash we cannot avoid. He feels like he needs to have those things or he won’t have anything else in the world, and even if people close to him tells him that he doesn’t need it, it’s gonna take a while for him to start to understand that and really see him for what he is: a person deserving of love and affection.

*************************

As a bonus, I wanna talk about how Nott proved himself to be, again, a sort of safe place/haven to Pun. I said in the previous post (that you guys should totally check later), that Pun seems to be more comfortable around Nott, to the point of not having any problem with Nott touching him or even sleeping and snuggling with Nott after them having sex. As someone who have problems with physical touch myself, I have a very few selected people that I allow to touch me in any given time and those are my two nephews and my best friend, so I see Nott as someone Pun feels safe having around because I see where Pun is coming from in regards to not liking having people touching him, is something he gave Nott permission to do because he feels like Nott is deserving of that trust; and knowing how much of a control freak Pun is, that is very telling.

It may not look like but Nott appreciates the trust Pun gives him but that trust is in regards to physical touch and not trust in a broader sense. That’s why Nott talks about Pun not taking care of himself because of what people talk about on the internet, how Pun built a wall around himself and that because they know each other for a long time he knows that Pun doesn’t trust anyone but asks Pun to trust him, to understand that Pun doesn’t need to act like he’s alone in the world when he has Nott right there, by his side, begging Pun to let him into his world. Nott understands that, no matter how many times they have sex, how many years they’ve known each other, there are parts of him that Pun still keep locked away from everyone and those are the parts Nott wants to see, to see Pun fully for what he is and not just a few glimpses when Pun slips and let his vulnerable side seep through the walls he built.

And it is because Nott understands that that he reassures Pun that, regardless of how badly the world treats him, he “won’t treat him badly”, meaning that Pun can rely on Nott for whatever he needs, can see Nott as an ally, a shoulder he can lean on and cry when things become too heavy for him to bear alone. A side note here, while Nott was comforting Pun, he kept caressing Pun’s ears and talking to him in a soft tone, like someone trying to pass security to a scared animal. And remember what I talked about the possible meanings of that action from Nott to Pun: that it can be used to make Pun more relaxed and less tense in situations where he could usually feel like that and Nott’s way of him saying that he would not hurt him or do more that he was allowed to. Their secret code? Yeah, put that all together and it makes sense that Pun nodded after Nott said that he wouldn’t treat him badly, he knew Nott wasn’t saying empty words, he meant everything he said, from start to finish.

This episode was more raw than the first one because it gave us more insight about how Pun is as a person and how fragile he is compared to what he projects with his personas for other people to see. I showed us how exactly his brain thought process is, how he forces himself to maintain an image that his destroying and how he desperately needs comfort and how Nott is willing to do just that, be his safe haven. It also showed more shots of Pun holding his necklace in moments of stress (based on what Seng said in the recap of the first episode, that necklace was a gift from Pun’s mother, so it can be seen as a source of comfort from his family) and considering the preview of the next episode, we are going to have a glimpse of Pun’s personal life in relation to his family and maybe we can get an idea as to why he doesn’t like being touched.

Overall, this episode was very good, albeit very heavy and hard to digest when confronted with so many raw moments coming from a character that presented himself as a person self-conceited and easy to hate. It showed that is dangerous to use what we see to judge other people, that as humans we have many layers, some of which we don’t even have knowledge of, and how we internalize what other people say about us very easily and how that ultimately can destroy us slowly if we don’t find a way to stop the process before it gets too late.

If I have to be honest, I don’t even know if my thoughts look coherent in here because even I can’t seem to organize them correctly in my mind in a way that makes sense but I hope that at least you guys enjoyed the reading and also my understanding of the episode. Even with the world being as bad as it is, remember that each one of you are perfect the way you are, no matter what the internet tell you about yourself. You are the one who knows best about yourself and one day you’ll see how precious you are; it may and it will take some time but the day will come eventually.

#warofy #war of y #war of y: new ship #war of y episode 2 #nott x pun #pun x nott #theory #analysis #megapost

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avarindigenous · 2 years

Note

I’m sort of peripheral to silm fandom- I’ve read it enjoyed and I like that people make things about it but I don’t remember enough about the characters to really engage, I just hang out. Also I’m white. When I first found the silm fandom on tumblr one of the things that seemed really exciting about it was the racial diversity in fan works (HEllo Black Galadriel) but I also agree that I’ve noticed a decrease in the diversity of characters in the fanart I’ve seen recently. I wonder if it has anything to do with the new show? I wasn’t in the good omens fandom before the show was made but the impression I’ve gotten is that the characters were much more regularly portrayed an non-white before white actors played them. I wonder if fan artists/writers who were not particularly dedicated to diversity in arda are seeing the predominantly white cast (except for random ocs? What’s up with that?) of a Silmarillion-adjacent show and going oop! guess they were white all along! I don’t know if that’s what’s happening, but I’ve wondered what the effect of the show is going to be on fandom and this might be one of the first things we see. I’m glad to have found your blog and I hope that the trend doesn’t continue.

I think there are a lot of factors at play when it comes to the question of why this has happened, and the frustrating part is that most of it has very little to do with conscious racism.

as I mentioned in other reblog chains of the post you’re referring to, there’s been a downgrade in general fandom activity the past two years or so. the Silmarillion fandom tends to have a “cycle” of three to six years when people are most active - a new blog comes in and starts posting about a particular topic, it attracts attention and other like-minded blogs join in the conversation, the same points get rediscovered and newly discussed and litigated by each group of people, and then eventually people cease actively posting as much, either by leaving the fandom, leaving the site for somewhere else like Twitter, or by simply being less present online. because the conversation can get very toxic and political (from an intracommunity perspective) those of us who do manage to pay attention for years, even by lurking, usually refrain after a while from taking part in discussions and focus on content creation or on appreciating others’ art and fanfiction.

on that note, I don’t think it’s much of a secret that the Tolkien fandom is not a particularly chill or calm fandom space, even excluding questions of bigotry and prejudice. people get very attached to their interpretations of canon (myself included) and many will react very harshly to perceived bad takes or bad-faith engagement, or will take someone disagreeing with them over a characterization detail or a plot point as a personal slight. friendships have been ended, harassment campaigns have been launched, and groups of people have been bullied into lifelong trauma, all over questions of textual analysis. even if there’s no harassment present, a larger blog posting a “controversial” opinion is almost guaranteed to lose followers and receive anon hate or passive-aggressive DMs. you’ll note I’m not giving specific examples of what kinds of opinions trigger this behavior, and that’s because no one is immune to it. the reason I separate this from bigotry is because it truly is about scholarship. it’s the equivalent of giving a controversial talk at an academic conference and having all your friends cease to talk to you because they’ve decided you’re abrasive and rude simply for voicing your own opinions. why this is relevant in a conversation about diversity is that I need to make it clear that in order to be comfortable in this fandom space in the first place, you need to be comfortable with everyone in the world finding fault with your ideas and interpreting them in the most bad-faith way possible even if you’re white and you never talk about racism or diversity or LGBTQ+ issues at all. the people who endure this (which is anyone and everyone who develops some sort of large following on Tumblr and probably Twitter as well) and who decide to stay in the fandom will usually become extremely uninterested in anything but reblogging other people’s work and shitposting, or will else block everyone they never want to see their posts and threat monitor to avoid discourse and backlash.

fanartists, more than fanfic writers and editors and meta writers and analysts and even shitposters, are the backbone of the Tumblr Tolkien fandom. all of the other kinds of fanworks - including songs and fanvids! - are significantly less likely to get serious engagement. what the Silmarillion fandom “looks” like is crafted by the artists, and fandom activity lives and dies by fanart. graphics, fanfic, and other works get more engagement if there is an active fanart scene. the trouble here is that fanartists never stay in the fandom long, usually averaging two or three years. right now, almost all the fanartists regularly posting are drawing white characters, and there aren’t a lot of fanartists period. as a result, nothing is really getting noticed - @arwenindomiel mentioned trouble getting graphics to crack a hundred notes, and other friends of mine who aren’t white and make diverse edits have had trouble for years getting more than twenty or thirty people to like and more than five or six to reblog. even when they include white people, the situation isn’t much better.

as mentioned once more in other posts on the subject, being a POC and not having anyone engage with you is depressing. no asks, no fanfic prompts, no edit prompts, no interest in the creative work we do - even if we never face racism through direct slurs or criticism, the silence is exhausting and isolating. additionally, since several of us had a limited platform only a few years ago that now seems to have dried up entirely, we face the question of why we bother, why we create. this becomes even more frustrating if we love the canon and aren’t constantly angry about Tolkien, and want to reblog and talk about the things we like rather than assuaging white guilt, validating posts made by white allies about how they noticed something problematic (which also comes under assuaging white guilt; no one is helped by self-righteous “look, this thing in the text is bad!” posts because nothing in the text is mysterious or hidden, and fans of color have been aware of the problems for many years), or talking about how the text has problems. I genuinely like the story and the worldbuilding and it is my right to choose not to engage with the racism in ways dictated by an online fandom because I am always engaging with the racism in everything I do, but the posts that get noticed and that start conversations are posts about the problems in the text. this creates a space where fans of color are only allowed to be fans of Tolkien if we always hate him and hate being in these spaces, which is a negativity that takes a serious psychological toll and makes fandom feel like a duty. on top of this, we’re uniquely vulnerable to being singled out for bad takes as mentioned above, which makes wanting to speak out in the first place a daunting proposition. there’s very little room for error, or for opinions that go against the grain, and what little room there is is usually reserved for white fans.

the end result is where we are now - very little fanart, relatively little queer content, and almost everything featuring white faces. I’m unsure if I want to blame all of this on the show, as it’s a consequence of people cycling out and people being less proactive as well as general unexamined bigotry (it’s as if we reserve our vitriol for our fellow fans’ perceived bad takes and not actual structural problems in the community). it’s a frustrating problem that could be solved both by an attempt to be kinder to people we disagree with (and I am including myself, I am making a conscious effort to be as calm and as compassionate and as understanding as possible, but I’m certainly not perfect) and by resolving to champion diversity and diverse voices.

but this is a mess, all told, and I’m not sure how we can solve it.

#fandomconvo #replies #fandom racism #sort of

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feuqueerfire · 1 year

Text

My School President Live Blogging

Wow, am I finally getting to this show? The last episode comes out in a week so this is perfect timing for me technically. I'm still pretty caught up on Beyond Evil and Lee Dongshik/Han Joo Won but I believe the show can hold my attention still.

I've seen so many gifsets of this and clips and GeminiFourth tweets/tiktoks as well and it's all been soooo adorable, so I'm expecting to really like this.

Episode 1 (Feb 18)

1-1

damn not me having to see that random girl get harassed within the first 5 minutes

pls then just hitting each other on the head cuties

pls Gun so funny and annoying along with his friends

girl they nearly burnt down the school 4 times?! jk 3 times

agh Tinn ordering food for the music club and now I’m craving fried chicken so bad

Tinn always declaring something and looking off into the distance and his friends looking with him or wondering what he’s looking at

1-2

so cute Gun’s mom to the rescue and Gun being like “that’s my mom”

plss Gun speaking cutely with Tinn to get him to extend the deadline

1-3

The last name change during the prayer really was so early on ah Tinn

1-4

Why are they being so rude at the beginning when Chinzilla are playing smhhh

noo Tinn giving the garland to the other team

oh how did Chinzilla win then?

pls I saw this clip of Gun being like "Smile, Mr. School President. Good boy"

oh dumbass Tinn not giving Chinzilla his own garland but working triple the amount to make sure everybody else votes for them ah you fool

I haven't watched any BL since the start of this month and haven't watched any Thai BL this year except NLMG once a week, so it took a bit to get into the right mindset for this comedic high school BL after watching and being obsessed with Beyond Evil. This was really fun though, glad to see Fourth and Gemini's faces, as well as Chinzilla friend group

Ep 2 (Feb 19)

2-1

plssss Tinn's voice when speaking to Gun vs his squeaky voice when speaking to his mom

pls Tinn obsessed as fuck with Gun

I usually don't like the same scenes repeated with a different perspective but this is fun because Tinn's so ridiculous

as cute lil grade 10 Tinn with his glasses and Nobita-lite outfit

my god nerdass Tinn with the Love and Gentleness and Peace in his crossword (it's scrabble?) game

(Linguistics) Tinn referred to Gun as nai in this scene - what do they use now? I would think gu/meung

pls Tiw with the teasing Tinn and also poking fun at the dynamic "time to tell him that the cruel school president has a crush on you, baby boy" lmfao

2-2

noooo poor Tinn's confession ruined by the instruments being taken away and his rose getting stepped on

plsss Gun coming to beg Tinn similar to Tinn's dream

So silly, I love the "act as my servant/errand boy" trope

pls rascal Gun when giving the shaved ice to Tinn is so cute, I'm in love with Fourth's face

Tiw with the imaginary umbrella ah I love friendship

2-3

Tinn fr giving away his dad's guitar to silly kids for the time being

"not even a 4 year old would fall for that" and indeed Gun and friends fall for that

(Linguistics) Also fun that Tinn's pretending to be a nong and calling the music club members Phi as the lion

2-4

Tinn has become aware of the Hot Wave contest rule

plsss Tinn singing City to Gun to rescue him as Gun had done years ago and made him feel happy

the lyrics were translated when they were singing City and i can totally see why that song was chosen for Vice Versa and PuenTalay, sucks that it didn’t make much of an impression in me on the actual show as it did in the VV OG mock trailer

Gun grabbing Tinn's chin ah

Ep 3 (Feb 19)

3-1

pls Tinn lacking braincells momentarily while being like "no I'm not watching" and Gun and co. also not having even 1 braincell to pass around because they all fall for it. ah these kids

(Fave) plsss I've seen this tutoring scene so many times cuz I've replayed it to death. Tinn daydreaming about the love equation when tutoring Gun vs yelling at him by momentarily forgetting that's his boy bc Gun can't do 7th-grade math. Tinn threatening with the "I'm gonna smack you" lmfao

ohhh that's how they end up sleeping in the same bed or whatever. because of this safe house

"Don't you want to spend nights with me, Tinn?" lmfaooo and Tinn's face afterward so funny

Bye! as Gun disappears

plssssssss Tinn's father being like yo yeah let him go so that we can finally fuck <333 do you want a bro or a sis or a baseball team <3 dead ew

3-2

Tinn dying as he watches Gun do the homework

Tinn whining like I just wanna be his boyfrienddd

Gun seems fond as he's listening to Tinn go on about what'll be the consequences of Gun not sleeping on the bed lol he says that Tinn's annoying but it's a liee

Bad Buddy flashbacks with the way they're lying with Gun on the bed and Tinn on the floor

pls Tinn misinterpreting what being partners means

ahh Tinn's heartbeat and inability to dance when it's with Gun

a clear Bad Buddy reference and Mark Pakin lmfao along with the Bad Buddy intro music my beloved

3-3

pls daydreams with the printer ink refill ad

Tinn daydreaming of Gun teaching him to chop veggies and calling him cutie pie so cute only for Gun to make him move away and call him a Khun Nu spoiled prince

(Linguistics) It's fun how they keep referring to Gun as Phi and Tinn as Nong like first with Nong Lion and now when Gun's calling himself Phi cuz he's talented and better at cooking

yaas one of Tinn's daydreams coming true, though the other way around, with Gun cleaning the rice off his face but i doubt Tinn cares which way around his fantasies happen

wtf this chinzilla chant killed me

Tinn's soul leaving his body over Gun hugging him

3-4

beautiful Fourth

plsss Gun: have you ever used that line to hit on anyone? Tinn: You. uhhh wanna rehearse? you wanna do the dance rehearsal right now? because Tinn panicked but did Gun seem a bit disappointed that the answer wasn't actually Meung? did he hmm

honestly congrats to Tinn for managing to dance instead of bursting into flames considering he's also holding Gun's bare waist

Tinn brave as hell to lie there and ask Gun to make extended eye contact with him considering he can't even interact normally with the guy

ahhhh Gun being the one who lets go of the staring and turns around and curls up in bed with an excuse, my guy is feeling feelingsssss

(Fave) ahh Tinn's speedy stuttering heartbeat and him trying to convince himself to do well because Gun won't get to go to Hot Wave otherwise but then Gun telling him to close his eyes and him having the best, cutest, most beautiful daydream of ever ah Though I do wish they wouldn't do so many flashbacks like both here and with the staring moment, we got to see a lot of the past 3 ep moments again lmao

(Fave) ahhhhh the heartbeat thing coming back but this time for Gun!! Gun's racing heart after the eye contact with Tinn and the pencil case ahhhh it's so fucking good

also beautiful beautiful Fourth and his expression and Gun's blinking ah so good cute beautiful makes me so giddy

I'm gonna chew on glass, such a good episode. I'm so fond of all the characters and am so smiley and giddy while watching. We're getting Gun's POV again next ep I think

Fave Scenes:

Tinn's tutoring daydream vs reality

Tinn's daydream of the dance with the tuxedos and live music

Gun's racing heartbeat as we realize he's starting to catch feelings as well and his expression!!

Ep 4 (Feb 20)

4-1 and 4-2

i was eating so not many comments

at least Gun's friends were loyal to him but also Sound's not wrong. They probably could've come up with a solution that doesn't involve Gun quitting but yknow teenagers, so it makes sense and I'm assuming he'll be back in the band by the end of the ep

The humour for this show really works for me like Sound being like oh you want me to not join? I'll join or sure! and Sound making Win come around with the "P'win nalak" comment reading and our lovely cute Gun, esp at the Booth Checking

4-3

(Linguistics) Tinn calling Gun Khun Nu as the customer/waiter ah

I should also become thick-skinned

aw Tinn and Gun heart-to-heart cuteness

4-4

pls Sound trying so hard not to smile

the cute Chinzilla hat blankets ah

Sound learning to become softer through the power of Friendship

Gun getting some food for Tinnn and then we ofc get the Bad Buddy like makeup remover ad

The pinky hold! I don't quite like the editing of that scene but it's so cute T.T Tinn's shaking hand ah

Ep 5 (Feb 20)

5-1

I think this is the first ep where I started slightly avoiding spoilers, so idk much about this conflict about future plans

I did see this jealous little Gun in clips heh

damn Gun really going for the "Does the school president take care of all his friends this good?"

D: where is this show going? Why are we dealing with Gun having to skip school to look after their restaurant and them being behind on bills oh no and Gun considering giving up Hot Wave to study

5-2

Tinn getting Gun out of bed sooo cute

5-3

cute Tinn in his glasses + I really like Gemini's smile

bro Gun's father and his reason for wanting to do music why is this ep sad

loll Tinn managing to ask if Gun has found someone he wants to date after the contest but Gun escaping

pls Sound doing nothing and Win getting freaking worked up is so funny

aw Gun didn't get the job

do i feel like watching this rap battle... no. I'm watching just the talking bits

5-4

:< Gun sobbing while hugging Tinn

I want Gun's sweater

ah they all found their way back to the music club

does Gun know that the one in the music club that Tinn likes is himself... does he know?

D: This show was supposed to be pure joy and shenanigans but now there are sad touching parts :< with the parents and financial situations and future endeavous

I knew there were sad parts apaprently that made people cry but so early? I esp can't deal with uncertainties of the future and jobs and such

Ep 6 (Feb 21)

6-1

"Who in my club do you like? ... I can be your matchmaker" oh Gun

plsss last ep Gun had Tinn as Ai'Mr. Student President or something and Tinn has Gun has Chinzilla Baby

Tinn dying over wanting to tell Gun he likes him but then agonizing over his daydream gone wrong vs Gun wanting to hear Tinn say he likes him but being too nervous and having the most frantic call ahh

Gun's so funny "Friends are friends, what kind of friend wants to be a lover? >:(" and then smiling :D while listening to the lyrics and thinking of Tinn

oioioi keeping eye contact

also I love Fourth's smile that's like kinda frowny sometimes. upside down smile

lmfaooo does Tiw actually think Sound's tryna steal Gun or is he just tryna motivate Tinn

lmfao Tiw shipping king with TinnGun and SoundWin

6-2

pls going from SoundWin angry at each other to Tinn softly asking Gun the question

pls Tinn's best memory is Gun singing on his birthday when his parents weren't there

aw Gun :<

6-3

girl pls SoundWin is so funny what's going on

Satang so beautiful though and also Soung touching his lips and looking over at Win leaving ah he was so confident when in front of Win and everybody but mans is falling

oioioi poor 'friends'

lmfaooo dramatic Tinn

6-4

Gun making everything cuter and lovey dovey in the MV and Tinn going through it fr

oh noo Tinn getting upset and "friends don't do this" :<

Friendzone line cross and cheek kiss sooo cute

oh just being friendly MV

Ep 7 (Feb 22)

7-1

Tinn suddenly so confident in his flirting

Gun so silly getting jealous over this 1 far-away interaction

7-2

girl wtf Yo why are you a child on Tinder? and why are you catfishing with Tinn's face? They were clearly hinting at him being into somebody with his questions about the dating ban rule but I wasn't expecting this lol

pls Tinn being so dreamy about their first date

7-3

girl why tf are we even going through with this pretend date T.T Yo can't even date her after he confesses his lies even if she does like him back

pls Gun being so violent toward Yo is killing me

pls Jealous Sound?

what the fuck is this SoundWin pee situation this is killing me so bad what's going onnnnn why

yaas lesbians <333

aw TinnGun first date cuties

dumbass Yo fr

lmfao I'm dead leave Nook aloneeeee, she has him blocked

I think it's fun that Gun bought Tinn that QR code from their first date hangout and uploaded photos of Tinn on there; so his reciprocity and interest

This episode was so ridiculous like the SoundWin tied up and pee scene?! Yo's whole entire catfishing storyline?! and all the ridiculous things like the aquarium date + yard dance to help Yo?!

Ep 8 (Feb 22)

8-1

oh it's already Hotwave day? are we gonna flashback? or it's just the next round but not the final round right

plsssss Gun has Tinn so wrapped around his finger

no actually Tinn's horny little daydreams and expressions are killing me so bad ah cuteee

also Tinn saying he hasn't started studying for the exam whatever next month is a bit hmmm

ahhh Gun drinking all that sake

8-2

pls not Tiw witnessing a hand kiss between Sound and Gun

pls this Indian serial style editing of Tinn becoming aware of Sound and Gun killing me so bad

TinnGun cute swimming and cute convo :< and soooo cute when Tinn's jealous and Gun finds it endearing

7-3

ahh Win caring about Sound okay okay

"trying to bug me?" "yeah I am" that's really cute

(Linguistics) I loveee the way they say "really?" like "lohhh?" like I've noticed it each time and love the little whiny or indulgent way it's said

okie cheering on Gun for his competition and Tinn for his meeting with the doctor - each person doing what's best for their own future but supporting the other as well

8-4

noo Tinn why are you running to see them perform after you've already let Gun know that you won't be here T.T go introduce yourself to the doctor (or maybe he'll realize he really doesn't wanna be a doctor. then that's okay ig)

lol I think I'm just Going Through It in terms of school and career and internships but Tinn passing up that networking opportunity that other people don't even get is killing me so bad like why did you doooo that. though at least it's not like he actually missed an interview or something.

though I'm also still happy that TinnGun get to have a cute moment. cute teary Gun T.T

forehead kiss cute

Actually the fact that Hotwave is like so many rounds is killing me so bad bc the more rounds you pass, the more you anticipate actually winning. These fucking internship interviews with like OA -> phone interview -> 2 hour-long interviews is really fucking me up because the further you get into the chain, the more you hope you did well and will get the job but that doesn't mean shit :> you could still be 1 of 10 or 20 in that last step and you could just be not chosen

Ep 9 (Feb 23)

9-1

died when Tinn's mom started naming girls that Tinn might like

TinnGun soooo freaking cute my beloveds

I love Prom's face and also Ford's character's outfits

Yak has graduated bruh why is he haunting these kids

9-2

(Fave) pls this Gun and Sound convo killed me so bad

and then Gun escaping when Sound asks if he should confess to Win

(Fave) sooooo cute when Gun's tickling under Tinn's chin and promising to announce their relationship if they win the next step

9-3

SoundWin have also gotten so cute >.< Sound being like do you feel anything after reading that? And getting prissy when Win says it doesn't suit Sound at all

Sorry but Tinn's flinchy face when Gun's threatening to flick his forehead got to me so bad and then the end of the scene when he turns his face as Gun flicks him

i love whiny lil Tinn

oh yeah I'm worried something's very wrong with Gun's mom's health pls

9-4

Tinn and Gun's moms knowing each other is gonna be trouble maybe

oh Win teasing Sound with the oh why's your heart beating so fast

"Did you write that song?" "No, you wrote it in [my heart]. I just sang it out loud" is an insane line. good job Tinn

also this I need somebody to love song reminds me of a song from the True Beauty OST or is it 18 Again?

Ep 10 (Feb 23)

10-1

pls Gun getting Tinn to clean the classroom

oof Tinn witnessing Gun's mom in pain

bruh why'd she make Tinn stay T.T now he knows about how severe her migranes are and I think people said there's gonna be about Tinn knowing but Gun not being told

10-2

pls tutor P'Aof

pls TinnGun are sooo cute, I'm gonna be so sad when they have angst cuz of Tinn having to keep the mom thing a secret

loll Tiw's genius plan to introduce Chinchillaz to the school

a;kldfjs Sound getting so worked up at the possibility that Tiw could like Win

anyway is Tiw/Por a thingggg

aghhh Tinn's not wrong for keeping it from Gun because Gun's mom told him to and it's her responsibility to tell her son but Gun's not wrong for being mad that Tinn knew and kept it from him

my poor beloved Gun T.T he lost his dad without a chance to say goodbye and now his mom has a brain tumour T.T

okay well at least Gun's mom tells him to not be mad at Tinn and also tells him about things that Tinn has done for him in secret so far

awww the "I just bought some food and drinks for you. In case you're hungry" T.T I knew Tinn didn't leave but the way Gemini did his little acting really hit it

10-3

lovely Tinn getting to hear Gun say he's thankful for the things that he's done

broooo I thought Gun was gonna call and she was gonna see, not that Tinn's mom would actually go through his phone D:

oh i see she had 1 moment of resistance and then fucking Chinzhilla Baby with Gun's face comes up ahhhh

the parents are really making me go through it this ep

also you know something else haunting me is a gif from ep 11 probably of Gun being like "yeah! fine I'm the reason we lost" or something like ah fuck

10-4

ah okay at least his mother's okay, though of course they're making us wait for winner announcements but like is the "will you be disappointed if i don't win?" and tinn saying "not at all" foreshadowing

I like how Tinn and Gun switch being the nervous one and flirty one. like they're both into each other and want to hug and kiss cheeks/on the lips and want to make the other one be flustered but also they each can get shy or get flustered

Ep 11 (Feb 24)

11-1

ohhh it really goes to Chinzhilla interesting

wtf was that real or no

fucking fuckkkkkkkkk it was a bit dreamy but I was like hmmm

poor sad Gun :< my beloved

why is Tinn just going to the student council my guy

aw hopeful optimist Por. he doesn't even have a funky sweater on today to get through this

oh maybe TinnGun are just avoiding each other at school or something but are fine together at the hospital

11-2

sorry why is Tinn's dad kneeling on the ground beside the couch after getting his wife a drink like this is so the plot of the PWPs I've read

nooo poor Gun getting nervous

aw Win believes it's his fault that they lost Hot Wave

yes Por/Tiw but it wasn't a secret relationship the way everybody was hoping

pls Por's foot being broken because he didn't redeem his wish of making no mistakes during the Hot Wave performance. the whole group's coming together through this though

ahhh preview of Tinn's mom asking Gun something,- I thought it was her asking Tinn something at first cuz we could only see her but then Gun nodding...

11-3

oioioi Gun revealing so much about Tinn's help to his mother but he's so endearing pls Tinn's mom, love him pls <3

pls Tinn's face when he realizes his mother went to Gun's mom's milk bar

okayyyy Tinn told his mom it was Gun who invited him to the beach trip and le thim go

pls not this Oishii ad

TinnGun you silly goofs with the hugging

wait wtf what's going on D:

oh pls Win why is he saying that to Gun

scary Gun? I'd like to see him play smth angry again

damn who is making up so quickly after saying such harsh words and almost fighting physically

all their wishes came true but what did Tinn and Gun wish for?

bro Tinn seek help. he wished that whatever Gun wished for comes true?

pls Gun's cute little wish >.<

but so funny that not a single one of them wished to win Hot Wave

11-4

okayyyy we're getting hesitancy but now quite homophobia from Tinn's mom

TinnGun soooo cute

free Nook from Yo

these non-kiss things are a bit annoying like either kiss or stop eluding to it

TinnGun my beloveds soooooo cute

I love Gemini's little smile his toothy grin

I wish the friendship fights were either less intense or had more of a falling out that was fixed through some time and conversation. it gave me whiplash to get from such harsh words to hugging and cuteness

Ep 12 (Feb 24)

People have said it's the perfect ending, so I'm looking forward to it.

12-1

plss so cute T.T Tinn's mom wanting to talk to Tinn about him and Gun but backing off when she realizes how anxious and scared it was making Tinn. And Gun's cute convo with his mom who gives her full approval <3

aw Tinn saying his family isn't like Gun's :<

sorry Tinn and this girl doing a shooting as romantic partners so funny like first of all she has a gf and he has a bf

loll Gun finally aware of Tiw's help with Tinn. also lol I feel like Tiw's "nobody except me knows" is gonna be untrue

I love lesbians so bad

ah we're really getting into the societal acceptance of queerness

TINNGUN ARE SO FUCKING CUTE T.T I saw a clip on twitter of their kiss scene but it's still making me so giddy

these fucking showssss and their fucking photo spreading of 2 boys kissingggg first NLMG now this ahhh

12-2

pls everybody but Por knew about TinnGun but Pat didn't know about SoundWin

I mean Jorn's not wrong about him joining to help every club, not just help Tinn hit on Gun but also you could seem less homophobic

nooo my beloved Gun, trying not to cry by pinching his nose the way Tinn told him

my beloved Tinn so willing to tell everybody T.T and be beside Gun

I hate the students fangirling over the TinnGun hug aghh like we were just having a heartfelt moment wtf is this

lol Win calling Sound 'pumpkin' so cute and flustered Sound so cute

wtf 'this can make the school look bad?' these teachers need a kick. i hope the mom remains to be strongly supportive of Tinn

we will never be free of name position debates like even in this fucking show we getting TinnGun GunTinn discussions you're killing me

ah that's why we had the switch to hand held camera - showed the shakiness of overhearing your teachers be homophobic towards you

oh so true Jorn punched the teacher? Everybody was talking about Tinn punching him in the preview from ep 11 so this is more shocking

12-3

yay Tinn mum!

TinnGun cute as hell once again, the performance at Prom of the new song is also cute

pls this PDA and shipping comments making me die so bad like these are in-canon high school classmates but Tinn is dying at being so publicly loved on, so I'll let it slide

12-4

cute SoundWin. I'm not super into them because Win's too much and I skipped most of their kissing as I tend to do but their dynamic is fun and cute

aww my poor beloved Pat with no faen. not to worry my guy, you have a beautiful face

plsss so cute both Tinn's dad and Gun so nervous

D: Gun going straight to 'mae' and Tinn's mom being taken aback and being like let's start with 'Aunt' is killing me so bad, I'm so embarrassed

soooo cute TinnGun so cute

we will never be free from name position debates x2 though it's def interesting that GMMTV is going in a way where there's even debate now rather than clear cut answers. like FirstKhao vs KhaoFirst. TinnGun vs GunTinn. Nueng and Palm's dynamic is weird and flippy but not flippy.

Very good last episode. Gave us some angst and tied up some loose ends in the first half. Made me sooo giddy in the second half.

Overall:

I really liked it, especially for what it was: a cute, endearing high school BL with really endearing leads and good acting and sometimes turning tropes on their head.

I didn't love it or obsess over it the way some people seemed to but it was enjoyable nonetheless. I also loved so many of their faces lol Fourth and Prom my favourite beautiful faces but Gemini and Satang are beautiful too, not to mention Gun's mother whew!

This made me giddy and the OSTs are great and there's clear effort from the cast and crew. I liked the dynamic between the characters, whether it be how Gun and Tinn took turns being bold and shy or the parent-child relationships or Chinzhilla band. I might increase the rating by 0.5 if the characters continue giving me brainrot.

Fave Ep: Probably Ep 3

Rating: 7 7.5/10 [April 4, 2023 Edit: The characters did indeed continue to give me brainrot, as well as actors, so +0.5]

Videos

Let's Talk BL video podcast: S3 EP23: Gemini & Fourth

Open House Open Heart - Behind Special

Posts I Made

Tinn, Gun, and Tinn's father in ep 12

Public Confession at Prom

Tiktoks:

Ep 1 Tinn manipulating the folk song contest to favour Gun's group

Ep 0 Open House Open Heart FourthGemini

[Fave] Ep 3 Gun falling in love (bg: Labyrinth - taylor swift)

Ep 3 Tinn getting frustrated tutoring Gun and momentarily forgetting that’s his boy lol

Ep 4 finger locking tinn hand shaking

Tinn not going who Gun likes and dying over it

Ep 7 girlfriends !

“I guess I’m the only one who’s whipped”

MSP Ep by Ep

Ep 11 Gun and the girl being jealous of Tinn and her gf acting

Edit: Can't Help Falling In Love With You

This was so funny because most of the tiktoks, I'd liked and tracked before having watched the series and I didn't know who Gun and Tinn were so I just guessed during every scene lmfao and sometimes I was referring to them with wrong names

Old Trailer: GMMTV 2022 | แฟนผมเป็นประธานนักเรียน [My School President]

Ah, it has certain of the same parts but the new story is so much better. The trailer showed some of the usual tropes of pitfalls of high school BL and I'm glad the final show managed to make them fresh and interesting. Also Fourth looks like a babyyy. I guess he was 17/18 during the final filming and so was probably 16/17 during the trailer but he looks more than just a year younger - aw child

New Trailer: [Official Trailer] แฟนผมเป็นประธานนักเรียน My School President

ehhhh it's an alright trailer. I wish instead of 4 minutes of showing way too much, they'd have a 2-minute snappy and succinct trailer that better showcased the silliness and endearing factors of the show. it's an okay trailer but not great.

Edit Mar 30: Episode 12 behind was released yesterday and me and twitter have been losing our entire heads over it. all the kisses and also fourth insisting said kisses 'are nothing' is so...

#ep by ep commentary #my school president

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