I work inside I coffee shop. I see a lot of orders and a lot of the common stereotypes people have for coffee orders are less likely to be true than you might think. Let’s try and figure out what each Link would order then, shall we?
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Time:
- Started off by just getting plain black coffee.
- He felt like that was expected of him because he got into coffee when he was already a bit older.
- At some point, he got a sip of Malon’s drink and LOVED IT.
- Now he loves the seasonal flavors.
- Pumpkin Spice? Sign him up.
- His baristas love him because he stepped in when some dude got uppity.
- (Sometimes they will undercharge him, but do not tell their boss.)
Twilight:
- Not a big Espresso dude.
- Used to get Hot Chocolates
- Had to stop because he turned into a wolf and, quite frankly, he was worried he would be allergic so he just ordered something else.
- Learned that Steamers were a thing and started getting those.
- It’s literally flavored warm milk. He can’t go wrong with it.
- He still gets a cup of whip cream every time, though.
- His baristas will see him in the parking lot, grab a small cup, and just write his name on it. Everyone who works there knows it’s for whip cream.
Wind:
- Really wants black coffee. Frankly, he would love having it.
- None of his adults let him have that, though.
- They kept telling him to pick something else.
- He started getting frappuccinos so he could still get caffeine.
- Carmel Ribbon Crunch or a Mocha Cookie Crumble became his go to choices.
- Eventually, he starts taking himself and just gets a small black coffee.
- His baristas joke around with him a lot, especially after he starts taking himself.
- They recognize him and will start making a freshly brewed container just for him.
Wild:
- He started with the Pumpkin Spice Latte before discovering other things.
- He has tried the entire menu.
- His favorite is probably, weirdly, cinnamon dolce or plain vanilla.
- Even still, he likes to spice it up when he does swing through.
- At least, until he got sick and his Zelda made him try the Honey Citrus Mint Tea, also called the Medicine Ball.
- That stuff WORKED.
- Now he gets that regularly, while grabbing a dragon drink or several shots of espresso in a cup for his Zelda.
- His baristas more often talk with Zelda than they do with him.
- (Bro spent so long examining the menu trying to figure out what he wanted that Zelda had to hold conversation to keep it from being awkward.)
- Newer baristas tend to get confused when he gets tea and she gets plain espresso, handing out the orders backwards.
- They’ll learn.
Warriors:
- Red eye, Black eye, and Green eye were his choice drinks for a while.
- Plain black coffee with one, two, or three shots of espresso respectively.
- At some point he learned that blonde espresso has more caffeine and started getting that.
- He was always in there at weird times in the night and his baristas (and friends, if we are being real) started getting worried.
- Straight up got cut off. Too much caffeine at midnight every night.
- Started getting teas and refreshers.
- Really likes the pineapple one.
- His baristas worry about him.
- He always came in at odd times ordering so much caffeine.
- He seems a lot calmer now than he did before, and they will take whatever victories they can get.
Sky:
- You know that “don’t talk to me until I have had my coffee” thing?
- That’s him.
- He just wants a regular hot latte.
- In fact, that’s all he says.
- “Medium hot latte.”
- He puts his payment on the table and goes and sits down.
- Once he has had a few sips, he can hold a conversation, but until then?
- Nah.
- Not happening.
- At some point, his baristas recognize him and just key everything in before he gets to the till.
- The grunt he lets out in thanks made one barista keel over in the walk in freezer laughing.
Legend:
- Whether or not he has a person with him will drastically change his coffee order.
- If he is alone, he will get a peppermint hot chocolate.
- No whipped cream.
- Extra chocolate and chocolate curls.
- Coconut milk.
- As Hylia intended.
- If he is with someone else, he gets a plain black coffee.
- Somehow, he thinks it’ll make him appear more masculine.
- (He hates it. Desperately wants the sweet drink he gets every other time.)
- His baristas recognized this pattern and started either sneaking him sugar packets or just making his peppermint hot chocolate and saying it was the black coffee.
- He almost cried.
- Almost.
Hyrule:
- This dude either loves plain espresso or loathes it, depending on the day.
- He likes the Vanilla Bean Frappuccino, which has no caffeine or coffee taste at all, on his hating espresso days.
- On other days, he just gets 5 shots of espresso over ice with vanilla cold foam on top.
- Other than that, he doesn’t change up his order at all.
- One time he drank the whole iced espresso in one gulp.
- His baristas were shocked by that.
- Not… judging… but definitely impressed.
- And a little bit confused.
- Wasn’t he sat in the corner, literally kicking his feet over what is basically a milk shake YESTERDAY?
- ???
- Okay, maybe more confused than they are letting on.
Four:
- He orders a lot of things, but not nearly as much as Wild did.
- If he has a different color shouting in his head about something, their usual order may take precedence over whatever else he wanted.
- On his own, he likes to get either a plain latte or a caramel apple spice.
- Literally warmed up apple juice and caramel syrup.
- It’s sweet. It’s warm. He likes it.
- There’s not much else to say about Four when he is not dealing with inner turmoil, so let’s get to how the baristas see him, yeah?
- They love him.
- He is so respectful all the time, asking about their lives, telling jokes, swapping stories.
- An absolute sweetheart.
- One barista almost jumped over the counter because someone made a short joke. (That’s how Four learned how protective the baristas were of him.)
- (They also undercharge him, again, do not snitch on them. They have their favorites.)
BONUS!
Red:
- Pink drink.
- He wants extra berries in it.
- He might add a cold foam to it, vanilla and mocha being his two preferred flavors of foam.
- He talked so excitedly about his favorite drink that one barista decided to try it.
- Unfortunately, it was the one who does not like sweet things.
- They coughed it out.
Violet:
- Earl Grey tea.
- That’s it.
- That’s the tweet.
- He just wants a hot black tea.
- He’ll settle for English breakfast if he needs to, but he likes Earl Grey the best.
- His baristas sigh in relief with his order. Half the time he shows up, it’s at the end of a rush, and his order is easy enough to complete.
- He’s very calm about everything, and that attitude seems to rub off on the other people in line.
Green:
- Chai tea latte.
- Hot or cold doesn’t matter too much to him.
- Sometimes he will add flavors to it, but his base remains with that chai tea.
- He also always seems to come in after a rush.
- He’s not too picky about it, which takes some of the stress off the baristas when they make the order.
- He loves to swap stories with the baristas while he is there.
Blue:
- Water.
- He just wants water.
- Cold, filtered water.
- Look, the water tastes good, okay?
- He’s gonna get the largest size water.
- He calls it the “big boy” for some reason.
- Actually, maybe he’ll get a second.
- The water tastes nice, after all.
- His baristas laugh a lot.
- Honestly, he is just there to joke around and relieve a bit of stress.
- It’s a great way to wind down the day, drinking water and telling jokes.
Shadow:
- Shadow doesn’t really order anything directly.
- He’s there, listening in, but he doesn’t talk.
- That’d probably scare somebody.
- So instead, he’ll add his order on to somebody else’s.
- His baristas were confused, initially, hearing a voice that was so close to the person in front of theirs yet wasn’t.
- One of the baristas caught on, however. Setting a cup of whipped cream down beside the drink.
- They watched out of the corner of their eye as it disappeared into the shadow of the man that had just ordered.
- From then on, they consistently did so. Never prying or even really mentioning it. They just set the cup of whipped cream down and moved on to another drink.
Fierce:
- It would be too easy to say a black coffee, so instead…
- Carmel macchiato.
- Iced.
- Extra caramel drizzle.
- Sometimes he will ask for a topping, but most of the time, that’s enough.
- His baristas were intimidated, to say the least.
- Bro is tall.
- He just likes sweeter drinks, and frankly, he likes listening to people talk.
- He loves listening to the baristas spill tea.
- If you listen really closely, sometimes you can here him whisper out a “that b****” while he hears a barista talk about their ex.
—————
I actually just spent an hour and a half typing this out. The first time it was an hour of typing. Do you have any thoughts on this wall of text?
-VS
Hahaha oh my God, VS this is amazing! First of all, Twilight and Violet's orders have me DELIGHTED!!!
I know only a few of the boys' sections say they stand up for the baristas, but they all would tbh.
Thoughts under the cut. This is LONG
Time
I think he's glad to have found something other than black coffee.
I think he would love seasonal flavors! Would probably like the chocolate cherry flavor, a shop I like does for hotcboclates in febuary
ALSO, I think he'd like mint tea when he's not feeling great.
He KNOWS they undercharge him sometimes BUT he tips very very well
He learns the names of all the batistas and will step in if someone is harassing any of them.
Twilight
He absolutely loved hotchocolate, maybe even with cinnamon on it!
He would love steamers, though, and he is always thrilled to get that cup of whipped cream.
I think he'd also probably like to order some sort of ham and cheese croissant
He likes to hangout in a window seat when he stays for a while.
Wind
Oh boy does he want coffee
He would definitely like frappacinos
I think he'd like a drink called Unicorn Blood. Dutch brothers sells it as part of their "Rebel" drinks. It's kind of like a blended energy drink with added flavor and sugars
Once he comes by himself he'd probably switch between unicorn blood and black coffee
He loves joking with the batistas of course.
He'll bring Tetra and they'll just laugh
Wild
You're absolutely right he definitely tried all the menu
He might have Bribed one or two baristas to make something new
He spreads the word about the coffee shop to everyone who will listen
He thinks it's funny when people mix up his and Zelda's drink
Warriors
His baristas frequently try to slip him extra food when he orders it
He also probably makes friends with a college student or two, since they'll at be there at 3 am
Will often do a coffee run for Zelda and Impa
He has a favorite Barista, but is of course fond of them all
New baristas are a little startled when he comes in at unholy hours and is perfectly coherent despite his designer eye bags
Sky
Yeah, he's sweet and all but he seems like he could give me a run for my money on being grumpy before caffeine
He appreciates that the batistas accommodate his lack of talking and is always sure to wish them a good day before he leaves after he drinks his coffee
If he comes in mid day I think he'd probably like a Carmel blonde or something
Legend
This man is definitely thrilled his baristas are helping him save face and enjoy his drink
He definitely talks the place up to others
He will start problems if another patron is harassing any of them. (Especially the younger ones)
I feel like he has also let one of the younger baristas cry on him after a nasty customer. Cause like, customer service is hard and he's not going to push that kid away
He dosen’t talk about that previous one really
Hyrule
Oooooo this is fun
I think maybe a few of the baristas start a (playful) better pool on if he'll want espresso that day. It's probably things like a candy bar or a shift change
He confuses them sometimes but he's so sweet they let it be
He definitely tips well.
Adores things sweetened with honer
Four
He's absolutely the best
Was surprised to find the baristas are protective but he's flattered
Don't worry he'd protect them too. (HAS pushed past a rude customer a little harder than needed with a 'whoops!')
He knows they undercharge but will simply make it up by tipping!
He has also maybe brought his sisters in (they're so fun!)
Red
I can see him liking that stuff!
He felt bad that the barista didn't like sweet stuff
Thought it was a little funny though
Probably likes cinnamon in his hot drinks
Might really like constant comment tea (it's got orange and cloves and is in my top 3 teas)
Violet
The love of my life in this one, he's my tea soulmate omg
Haha, yeah earl gray is amazing and fits him so well
English breakfast is close, but not quite
He is always calm, and probably just reads in a corner with his tea
Is patient if the baristas are frazzled after a rush
Green
How'd you have both green and Violet like my two favorite teas? Lol
I think he'd like vanilla Chai too
He loves swapping stories for sure, and probably also movie recommendations
Also loves seeing any fun makeup looks the have
Blue
He is probably why the baristas remember to drink water at work
Seems like he wouldn't want ice most of the time
He likes to hang out until right before closing time I think
Shadow
I love the idea that ONE barista is like "Sure the sentient shadow wants a cup of whipcream"
He's polite but again, not really talking
Will encourage the others to talk the place up
Slips a tip into the jar
Fierce
Carmel machiatto-
Yes
Once the baristas warm up to him he adores listening to them talk
He uses his intimidating appearance to keep creeps and rude customers in line
Will in fact go "no they didn't!" Quietly when he listesn to gossip
Bonus bonus:
Malon
Just put her espresso INTO her hotchoclate. No, not a mocha she doesn't want to taste the coffee thanks
Will alternatively order peppermint lattes with utter glee
LOVES whipped cream amd asks for chocolate drizzle
First
He likes his coffee strong, but sweet.
No cream, though
Just an unholy amount of sugar
It looks like black coffee but it IS NOT
Will stare ypu in the eye as he puts in like 12-15 sugar packets depending on the day
Tips well!
He's not as close to the haristas as some of the others, but he's friendly and will always offer a (clumsy) compliment
Tetra
She seems like she'd like lavender tea maybe?
For caffeine she just wants a Carmel Frappuccino though, with chocolate drizzle and lots of whipped cream
She's cheerful and always ready to listen to the varistas vent about an ex
Tips pretty well and come in with wind a lot
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