#Kim seokjin fanfiction | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oftenderweapons · 5 months

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Down The Rabbit Hole | KSJ

Pairing: Seokjin x reader (nicknamed Fawn)

Wordcount: 12.5k

Genre: one shot, pwp, smut, fluff, only mild angst, fwb au (?) kinda(?)?, divorced! seokjin, dilf!seokjin

Rating: 18+, minors please do not read or interact

Synopsis: Seokjin has been meeting Fawn at The Rabbit Hole for a while now. A place of debauchery and foregone inhibitions, and yet only one rule would not budge. Will Fawn finally have a taste of the forbidden fruit?

Warnings: DILF!Seokjin (it's a trigger warning in and of itself), oral sex (female receiving, attempt at male receiving), masturbation (female receiving), degradation kink, corruption kink, handcuffs, sex toys (vaginal sphere), dry humping, unprotected sex, cockwarming, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, breast slapping, voyeurism & exhibitionism. Mentions of divorce procedures, mentions of Seokjin's three precious daughters. Brief cameo of our lovely darlings Namjoon & Mia.

As always, thanking the magical girlie that made this fic a bit more coherent @nervous-moon and the special friends that made me get here. Also, a special thank you to past me, who persevered and got off birth control for this fic LOL

As always, please remember that showing some love to fics will power authors through the major struggles of this platform and will eventually make them write bigger, better, bolder fics 💕

You’ve known Seokjin for two months. He’s stunning, he’s smart, he’s friendly and adorably chirpy — before the games begin.

Here's my masterlist, enjoy you spicy little nuggets

More in this AU | MYG | KNJ

General masterlist

#ksj smut #kim seokjin smut #kim seokjin fanfiction #kim seokjin scenario #bts smut blog #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #Hbd Kim Seokjin I guess???#kim seokjin x reader #Kim Seokjin x yn #Seokjin x fawn #btswritersclub #bangtansorciere #52hertz #bts hyung line

79 notes · View notes

oddinary4bts · 2 years

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Forever | ksj

☆summary: three years ago, your relationship with jin ended in fights and tears. When life puts him back on your path, you catch a glimpse of light in his eyes that you thought had died when you broke up. Will your relationship blossom into a well-deserved forever or will you lose the love of your life again?

☆pairing: Kim Seokjin x female reader

☆rating: 18+

☆genre: ex-fiancés to lovers, idol!au, angst, smut, fluff

☆warnings: alcohol consumption, oc and jin fight a lot and don’t talk enough, oc is a little mean to jin and jin is a patient angel, cursing, inaccurate cooking terms, oc gets wounded on a nail, a bunch of nostalgia and regrets. explicit content: choking kink, grinding, a little bit of tits play, fingering, oral sex (female receiving), a little bit of dirty talking, dom!jin, big dick!jin, protected sex

☆word count: 25.2k words

☆a/n: here is the jin fic! I hope you will love itttt, it was really fun to write even though it’s sad. I love nostalgia and I hope I was able to write it well. Thank you to my beautiful beta reader @moonleeai for helping with this story once again. You are the best and I am so blessed to have you <3

☆a/n pt2: enjoy reading babies!!

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Prologue – three years ago

It was a rainy night with lightning cutting through the sky and thunder rumbling through your chest. You had been waiting for your boyfriend for a while, enjoying the light of a candle and the warmth of your bath. A wine glass rested on the side of the tub, emptied a while ago by your avid drinking.

Jin had been supposed to come home three hours ago, for a most needed date night, and he still hadn’t shown up. It was frequent lately, his absence without a single word. You could hardly blame him – with the pandemic and you moving in together, you had been spending a lot of time together. Too much, maybe, and casual conversations had slowly started to fall into arguments, and arguments had slowly inched into fights.

It didn’t matter. You had stopped caring a while ago. Maintaining a relationship that wanted to dwindle to nothingness was becoming too hard. Especially with the impossibility of work, as lockdown was still in full sprint.

You focused on the drama on the screen above the tub, moving your legs a little. Bubbles floated around, and you played with them mindlessly, eyes following the action.

The drama you were watching… it was bittersweet. It reminded you of better times between you and Jin, when he had not even debuted yet and you spent all your time together. From the moment you had met, you had been inseparable, your young relationship blossoming into a beautiful flower, petals rich with affection and passion and love.

Until a worldwide pandemic had to come around and put the first nail in the coffin. Deciding to move in together had been the second nail. And maybe, even before all of that, the ring on your finger had been the third one. First one, or whatever.

Your eyes fell to the engagement ring, and you recalled the day he had proposed to you. It had been sweet with just you and your family, and for a moment you had seen forever in his eyes. In truth, you had seen forever in his eyes from the moment you had met him.

Until that dreaded pandemic.

You regretted a lot of things in the last few months. As if everything had come crashing down at the same time. Yet, you had both decided to try to save your relationship, in an effort to not lose the love that you had thought would last forever.

It was Jin’s first time bailing on you. You didn’t blame him – you had gotten in a fight this morning, one of the worst so far, with you both saying you should have never moved in together. Or at least not during the pandemic, where you were forced to spend a lot of time together.

Too much time, perhaps, for the independent souls that inhabited your bodies.

You sighed, eyes moving to the empty glass of wine. The wine bottle was on the counter, far enough for you to dread having to make your way to it. Yet, you pushed yourself up, stepping out of the tub, tiptoeing towards the precious bottle until you had it secured in your hands.

You were halfway back to the tub when the front door opened, and you stopped in your tracks, dripping water on the floor. Goosebumps formed on your skin every second you spent away from the heat of your bath, and you listened to Jin moving in the apartment. From the sounds of it, he had moved to the kitchen, but it was hard to tell over the conversation playing on the television on the wall.

You put the wine bottle back on the counter, heading to the bathrobe you always left hung up on the back of the bathroom door. You wrapped yourself in it, before stepping out of the sauna you had turned the bathroom in, heading towards the kitchen.

Jin had his back turned to you, when you walked in, broad shoulders drooping forward as he was looking through the wine cellar. He looked defeated, but you knew it was a lie.

He always looked defeated before you started fighting.

“What took you so long?” you asked.

He tensed, before turning to look at you. You had long stopped caring about looking good for him, and you knew you probably looked half-dead right now. His eyes skimmed over you, barely even stopping on the naked legs he used to worship, before meeting your gaze.

“Are you drinking the Syrah we were supposed to share tonight?” he enquired, his voice meeting the low-lying anger in yours.

You crossed your arms on your chest, a frown moving on your features. “Date night started three hours ago, I got bored waiting for you.”

“You didn’t have to drink the wine.” He put one hand in his pocket, and you scanned the ruffled button-up shirt he was wearing.

A question took shape in your mind, and you hated the doubt that seeped into your heart.

“Where were you anyway?”

“None of your business”, he replied, and he turned away from you, as he started walking away.

You scoffed. “What the fuck do you mean? Where were you?”

He shrugged, as he walked the way towards the bedroom. You followed him in, as he started unbuttoning his shirt.

You grabbed his arm, to make him face you. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“I was with the boys”, he replied.

Your brows knit together. “Pandemic, hello?”

He rolled his eyes before shrugging your hand off. It clenched in a fist, with your nails digging into your palm.

“We were each in our own studio, hanging out online.”

You gritted your teeth. “You stood me up for an online chilling?”

He shrugged again, mouth pouting a little. “What do you want me to tell you? I didn’t feel like seeing you after this morning.”

The screams echoed in your mind, the way they had been echoing on the walls since this morning. Haunting you, giving you a glimpse of a finality you had thought would never come.

“Then maybe you should have stayed at the studio.”

You didn’t mean the words, but it was too easy to rile you up lately. Too easy to make anger flare up in your chest, until it was all you could feel.

Maybe if you could cook in the kitchen of your restaurant, away from him for a time, it’d help. But you couldn’t, and yet he always gave himself the right to go places. Because he was Kim Seokjin, and it seemed a global pandemic didn’t have the same impact on his life that it did on yours. Because even if he couldn’t do concerts or fan events like he usually did, they still found ways to make him work.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked. “Cause I can go and stay with Yoongi if need be.”

You sighed loudly, trying to calm down. “Listen, Jin, no I don’t want you to leave. But you need to stop pretending as if our relationship comes last in your life.”

He chuckled dryly before saying, “Just let me be.” He met your gaze, and his eyes meant nothing good. “You’re always on my fucking back, it’s getting tiring.”

“Well maybe if you helped a little more with cleaning I wouldn’t be on your back!”

The perks of having an unresolved fight were that it always came back, sooner or later.

“You’re too obsessed with cleaning, not everything needs to be spotless all the time.”

“If we don’t do it every day then it starts accumulating and we’ll never see the end.”

He shook his head, before moving away from you. “It’s not like we’re two pigs, we don’t dirty the place every day.”

“Whatever”, you shrugged off. “I just want some help, is that too much to ask?”

“I’m tired, Y/n.”

You watched him sit on the edge of the bed, and only then realized that there was no fire in his eyes. No spiel of words falling from his mouth, like it usually happened when he got angry. He did look tired, as if all the fight had gone out of him.

And maybe it had, after this morning. After last Sunday and the Thursday before that. In all truth, you couldn’t really remember the last time your relationship had been sunshine and rainbows. It had only been thunderstorms and hurricanes for a while now.

More than a while.

“So am I, that’s why I’d like a little help”, you said, but it sounded like a question. It was condescending, maybe, and it was a mistake.

“I think I’m going to move back with Jimin and the others.”

His words hung heavily in the air, echoed by a thunderclap that rumbled through the building, making it shake under your feet.

“What?” you let out.

“I’m going to move back in with the boys.”

A single drop of cold sweat formed on your temple.

And you watched him, as he finished taking off his button-up shirt, before putting on a sweatshirt. It was a weird look, with his dress pants, but he looked good.

He always looked good. It almost distracted you from the anger, as shock started meshing with it, until every beat of your heart ached painfully.

He grabbed his leather travel bag, the one you had given him on his birthday after their debut, and you stood there in silence as he started packing his clothes. He avoided your gaze, pretended that you weren’t there, and every single one of his moves broke your heart a little more.

Maybe there had still been love in you, even with all the frustration.

“I…” he let out, as he finished packing the bag.

You still hadn’t moved, and all your stupid brain could do was count the seconds between the flash of lightning outside, and the rumble of thunder that followed.

He straightened, finally meeting your gaze. “I think we need some time away from each other.”

It was panic, rising in you now. Washing away every other emotion, until you could taste bile in your mouth. “Don’t leave.”

He shut his eyes, and his next words looked like they pained him. Like they had stuck a dagger into his chest, just as they stabbed into your own beating heart. “I have made my decision already.”

“You’re breaking up with me?”

His eyelids fluttered open, and he shrugged. “No. Unless that’s what you want.”

“I don’t want you to leave”, you said. Begged even, something you had never really done before.

Maybe because you had never thought Jin would leave.

“It doesn’t matter.” It was said gently, yet it filled you with so much hatred.

At you and him, for losing a relationship that could have been forever.

“It doesn’t matter?” you let out, and you scoffed. “We’ve been together for almost ten years and you tell me it doesn’t matter?” It was hysteric, the way you spoke.

He just grabbed his bag, before walking around you so he could reach the door of the bedroom. You wanted to stop him, but all you could do was follow him out into the hallway.

“Jin.”

He didn’t stop, and your blood turned to ice as he got closer to the front door.

“Jin”, you said again, and you stumbled on your feet as you tried to grab his arm, but your fingers only met cold air.

He put on his shoes, not once glancing at you. You were shaking, where you stood, digits trembling as the panic settled into you fully.

“You can’t leave like that”, you said.

“We just need some time alone”, he said. He was trying to reassure you, but the absence of physical contact, of his usually warm hands on you… It destroyed you.

“Kim Seokjin, you are not going to leave me.” Your vision blurred as tears welled up in your eyes.

Yet he didn’t say anything, only turning towards the door. His hand had closed around the doorknob when he finally glanced at you.

He looked apologetic yet determined. As if he knew that ripping the band-aid quickly would be better, easier for you.

“I’ll talk to you soon”, he promised, and you noticed a tear rolling on his cheek.

It felt out of place, as he was the one choosing to leave, and you wanted to punch him for it. But your heart ached too much for you to do anything other than beg. Beg for the love of your life not to step out of the apartment that was yours.

“If you go out this door –” you trailed off, and your voice shook. Shook with the panic and the pain and everything in between. “Don’t you fucking come back if you go out this door.”

He offered you a small smile then, as more tears rolled on his cheeks. “Goodbye, Y/n.”

*****

Present day

The kitchen was hot with the heat from all the ovens, smoke lingering in the air as your sous-chefs produced the meals you asked them to, with you supervising the whole thing. Different aromas mixed together as they met your nose – gochujang, halibut, a hint of matcha, along with the warm smell of the pastries that were currently baking in the oven. Steaks were being grilled somewhere at the back of the kitchen, and their nidor slowly overpowered the other smells.

You made your way to the grills, a foreboding sensation forming in the pit of your stomach.

“Who let those burn?” you screamed, twirling around to catch a glance of the cooking assistant that was in charge of grilling.

You met his widened gaze, and he cowered under your stare, seemingly wishing to disappear through the floor. You shook your head slowly, trying to keep your anger at bay.

Even though you had a reputation to maintain, you always tried to stay calm in the kitchen. Your mother had raised you with the belief that screaming at people led to nothing but misunderstandings, and you put her beliefs into practice religiously. Even in your field, where a single faux pas could lead you to losing your restaurant.

The field of fine cuisine was a cruel one, especially for a woman. More so for a woman in her late twenties, who had gotten her success because –

You stopped your train of thought. You had attained such unprecedented success thanks to your ability in the kitchen. Not because of anyone else.

You put the burnt steaks aside, quickly grabbing some new ones before putting them on the grill, telling your sous-chef to focus on them and them only. Especially considering the person that had ordered those steaks.

You hadn’t seen Namjoon in a long time. Longer than the last time you had seen Jin. Yet you had always been close to Namjoon, sort of, and when he had texted you asking if he could reserve a private room in your restaurant for a date, you had immediately said yes.

You hadn’t yet gone to greet him, dreading the moment you’d see him. As if acknowledging that he and the rest of the boys still lived when your relationship with Seokjin had died was too dreadful for you. And maybe it was.

The night Jin had left had been the last time you had seen him in person. You had walked out into the thunderstorm hoping to stop him, but it had been too late. And it seemed he had taken your words seriously because he only had come back once when you were gone to collect his belongings, leaving you a note saying that it was over.

It hurt bitterly to read the note. It wasn’t just a note – it was a full-length letter, with him explaining where you went wrong and how he hoped you’d find happiness. Your tears had stained the page more than once, as you had realized how final the whole thing was.

As if you had finished the last dessert and only the aftertaste was left. And it wasn’t a good aftertaste. Heartbreak – it tasted vile and felt just as bad. A little worse maybe. Two years later, you still hadn’t really gotten better. All you could do was focus on your restaurant and truly, maybe that was the only thing that there was to do after losing the love of your life.

It was ironic that you still thought so now that Jin had left you. You had never thought the love of your life was going to leave, to disappear into the night… and yet he had. The hardest part in it all was that you couldn’t really remember your last kiss, or the last time he had held you in his sleep. Because back then you hadn’t thought you needed to commit the moment to memory, and it had dwindled into oblivion in the weeks following the break-up.

You shook the thoughts away. Now was not the time to reminisce about the past. Not when the kitchen was busier than ever. So you focused on that instead, getting lost in the aromas and the presentation of the dishes you made, all the while thinking about alterations you could make to the recipes so that they would be better.

There was always room for improvement in your cooking. Maybe there should have been room for improvement in other areas of your life too, but the past was in the past.

“Everything is ready for table seventeen!” someone yelled by the door.

It drew your attention, and you quickly made your way to the waitress. “Is that Kim Namjoon’s table?”

“Yes, ma’am.” The waitress nodded, a slight blush creeping on her cheeks.

You smiled at her, before grabbing the two plates. “I’ll take care of it.”

The waitress looked disappointed, but she said nothing as you walked around her, heading out of the kitchen. The reprieve from the heat was a relief, once you stepped out in the cool hallway, and you sighed as you made your way to the room where Namjoon was.

You had told him you’d speak to him when you got the chance, and you didn’t feel like waiting at the end of the night: you’d have no excuse to go back to your kitchen if you got uncomfortable then. And really, you didn’t think you would be. Namjoon had always been a friend, even though he was a couple of years younger. He had always made you feel at home when you visited Jin at the dorm.

In truth, all of the members had made you feel at home. And you had spent a lot of time with them, in all the years you and Jin had dated. You had seen Jungkook grow up and had taught Yoongi how to cook some stuff. Had comforted Taehyung the first time he had gotten his heart broken and had been there for Hoseok when nobody had sent him fan mail at the beginning. You had been part of the BTS family, sort of.

Until that dreaded pandemic.

You pushed the thoughts aside once more, as you turned into another hallway, where all the private rooms were. It took you a few more seconds and then you walked into Namjoon’s room.

The first thing you noticed was the girl sitting in front of him. She was everything you knew Namjoon liked – small, cute and delicate, with big eyes that shone with intelligence and a pink tint to her cheeks. Namjoon had that same flush on his cheeks, and when his eyes slid to you they widened with recognition.

“Y/n!” he greeted you. “This is the friend I told you about.” He said that second sentence looking at his date, who threw you a curious look.

Had she not been there, you would have probably hugged Namjoon and told him how much you missed him, but you refrained doing so, not really wanting to make the girl uncomfortable.

“Nice to meet you”, you greeted her as you put the plates on the table.

She replied, with a shy voice that had you hold in a knowing smile. She definitely was Namjoon’s type. In another world, you would have known everything about that girl, about how she and Namjoon had met. In another world, you would have probably become friends, the same way you had become friends with Sena when Jungkook had started dating her.

You didn’t even know if Jungkook and Sena were still together, but you wished it for him. Jungkook had a fragile heart, and he deserved all the love in the world.

“How have you been doing?” Namjoon asked after you explained the meal to them.

You froze for half a second. “Good. Great. The restaurant has been doing better than ever.”

He had a knowing look in his eyes, when you met his gaze, and you wished you could disappear. Because you knew he didn’t mean work…

But work was all there was to your life now.

“How has…” you trailed off. Because you didn’t know why you wanted to ask, you weren’t sure you wanted to know anything about Jin. Yet, in some deep dark corners of your heart you wanted to make sure he was doing okay. That he wasn’t broken, and that he had allowed himself to move on.

Namjoon knew what you were asking without you having to say the words. He pursed his lips, shrugging his shoulders. “He’s been okay. Has been better, but he’s managing.”

You nodded your head slowly, ignoring the curious look Namjoon’s date threw your way.

“He…” Namjoon trailed off, meeting the girl’s gaze once before looking back at you. “He wanted me to say hi to you for him.”

You clenched your teeth, as your heart constricted in your chest. “Oh.”

The atmosphere filled with awkwardness, and you rocked back and forth on your heels, hands fiddling with each other in the air in front of you.

“Tell him I say hi too”, you finally said, as Namjoon smiled an apologetic smile.

“Of course!” His smile melted into a true one. “All the members say hi too.”

That pushed Jin aside, in your mind and in your heart, as endearment warmed up your blood. “I haven’t seen you all in so long.”

Namjoon chuckled, nodding. “Hobi mentioned he invited you to the party for the release of his album last summer.”

That was true. He had invited you, but you had found yourself unable to go. Not only because Jin was going to be there, but mostly because you had a busy event at work, a night you couldn’t really miss. So, you hadn’t gone to the party, though you had called Hoseok in the following days to tell him that you were proud of him and that his album had exceeded your expectations. And your expectations had been high, but Hoseok was the kind of man to always exceed expectations. A professional through and through, both in music producing and dancing.

“Yeah, I was stuck here”, you admitted, as silence stretched between you. “I wish I could have gone.”

“Everyone would have been happy to see you.”

You smiled, nodding your head. “How has Yoongi been doing?”

That question was an easier one, even though the reason behind it was heavier. Yoongi had always had troubles with mental health and you had long been the one he confided in, along with Hoseok. Though he hadn’t talked to you after the break-up, but then again none had, except Namjoon.

After all, they were Jin’s brothers, not yours. Some part of you had hoped they’d keep contact, but at the same time you were happy they had chosen to stick by Jin’s side. God knew Jin needed his brothers.

“Yoongi’s been doing great”, Namjoon replied. “He’s been keeping himself very busy.”

“As all of you have, I can imagine”, you said. You swallowed a sudden lump as nostalgia hit you.

Namjoon chuckled, nodding his head. His eyes slid to his date, and she blushed as their gaze met. You took that as a cue to leave, and you bowed to them, wishing Namjoon goodbye before walking away, turning your back on the only connection you had to your past.

The rest of the evening went by quicker than one could expect, even as a group came in an hour late to their reservation. You would have turned them around had you not needed to escape in cooking for a little longer, especially after seeing Namjoon.

Once the restaurant finally closed, the last of the guests sauntering off in the night air, you found yourself leaning on a counter in the kitchen, watching the two last assistants that had lingered around to help with the cleaning. Another one was taking inventory to make sure you’d get what you needed for the next day, but she was out of sight for now, lost somewhere in the cold room where you kept most of the food.

You helped the assistants for a moment, ignoring the side-eyed glances they threw your way. You wondered if they could read your emotions on your face. If they could see the nostalgia and the grief that was engraved deep in your heart, that had been carved there by the man you had loved more than you had loved anything else in this world.

Except maybe your restaurant, which, most of all, was probably the reason why you didn’t feel like going home tonight. Going home to an empty and cold apartment, a new space you had never really found the will to decorate, not wanting it to look like the home you had built with Jin. Not wishing to buy new decorations and make it look different either.

You were aware that you were stuck in the past. It wasn’t always so bad – most of the time, Jin was but a lingering thought at the back of your mind and buried deep down in your heart. But tonight, every breath you took smelled like the ghost of him, and the afterimage of the light on your retina was painted in his silhouette.

You hated nostalgia. It was a suffocating feeling, one that made you grieve for a life that could have been had you not let him go in a fit of rage. Had you not been too much of a coward to follow him faster in the night and beg him to stay. Though you were quite sure begging would have made it worse.

At the end of the day, life had happened the way it had been meant to happen. No matter how sour it was, how bitter it felt, you and Jin had always been meant to part ways.

You shook the thoughts away as you made your way home, somewhere between midnight and one in the morning. You took your time, eyes sliding up to the veil of clouds covering the sky once in a while, hoping to catch a glimpse of the moon. Though it lit up the clouds whenever the veil thinned, the moon stayed stubbornly hidden, as if she also was too busy grieving the loss of her love to dare show her face to you.

You chuckled at your drama-filled thoughts as you finally reached home, stopping downstairs to grab the mail before going up. Your apartment complex wasn’t luxurious like the one you had shared with Jin, but it was still fancy enough to have an elevator. You went through the mail as the elevator moved up to your floor.

Your eyes fell on a letter amongst the ads that had been left in your mail, and your brows knit together. You hadn’t gotten a handwritten letter in forever. Actually, you were pretty sure you had never gotten a handwritten letter through the mail before.

You got out of the elevator as you read what was written on the envelope, only then realizing it was from one of your friends back in your hometown, in the suburbs of Seoul. It was the same city where Jin had grown up, though you had only met after you both graduated from high school, when Jin had become a trainee.

You shook him away from your thoughts, focusing on the envelope as you tore it open, only to be greeted with an invitation for a baby shower. Nari and her husband had always liked the western culture, and you weren’t surprised they decided to hold a baby shower. What you were surprised with was that Nari had slid a smaller piece of paper in the envelope, and it fell to the ground slowly.

You cursed under your breath, bending down to pick it up before resuming your walk to your door. You managed to punch in the passcode to your apartment, opening the door with one elbow before walking in and pushing it shut behind you.

The cool darkness of your home welcomed you, and you kicked your shoes off before putting slippers on and walking into the living room. You put the ads and letter down on the coffee table before walking to the wall, where you flicked a switch on. The room came alight with the soft glow of a lamp, and you walked back to the coffee table to grab the letter before sitting on the couch.

You read Nari’s words a couple of times, your tired mind unwilling to let them make sense to you. It was on your fourth read that you realized she was telling you Jin had received the same invitation, and that she wouldn’t be angry at you if you chose not to go.

Your heart beat loud, in your chest, as you read the words again and you realized the path that had moved away from Jin could bring you close to him once more, if he chose to attend the event. If he chose to come, even if Nari and her husband Joonwoong had always been closer to you than to him. Or so you thought. Though Joonwoong and Jin had always gotten along well, gaming together on more than one occasion. It had happened a lot during the pandemic. It also caused a small fight between you and Joonwoong. Indeed, you had blamed him for taking all of Jin’s time as you had vented to Nari, and Nari had told her husband. Fortunately, the fight was long resolved, and you weren’t surprised he and Jin were still friends.

You took a deep breath, eyes sliding to the television on the wall in front of you. You weren’t quite sure you were willing to go to the baby shower. Didn’t know if seeing Jin again would be a good idea, especially after how hard the nostalgia was hitting tonight.

The thought made a laugh bubble in your chest. It was strange, that the letter had come exactly as your thoughts had been filled with Jin, in a way they hadn’t for a long time. In a couple of months, even, as the time apart erased him from your mind better than anything else could have.

You leaned against the couch, looking down at the letter where it rested on your thighs, a little crinkled by the grip of your hands on it. You loosened your grip, flattening the paper before sighing.

You would decide if you were to go tomorrow after a good night of sleep. Or whatever sleep would find you tonight, as your heart danced to a rhythm you thought it had forgotten the moment you had seen Jin leave, all those years ago.

You hated yourself, for missing him like that tonight. For missing the rest of the boys, missing the friendship you had shared with them before the fall. Though if you were honest to yourself, seeing Namjoon had been reassuring, in some sort of way. It was reassuring to know that they were all doing great, even with how hard the pandemic had been, even for them.

You wondered what Jin was thinking, on his side of the world – closer to you than most of the human population, still so far he was but a lingering ghost in your life. You imagined him, as you tried falling asleep. Still awake, sitting behind the screen of a computer as he’d game the night away, the same way he had for most of your relationship, whenever he had a break from work.

In all truth, Jin had received the same letter as you, yet he had found it earlier, a little after Namjoon had told him he was going to visit your restaurant. It had come as a shock to hear about you after all this time. After doing everything he could not to stumble upon a reminder of you, even as he kept a picture of you in his wallet.

A picture of you two, from the first year of your relationship. In that gazebo where you had fallen in love, long before the fall had happened.

He still gazed at the picture sometimes. Ran his finger on your face, wishing he hadn’t made the decision to leave. Knowing it had been the right decision, yet hating himself for it. Hating himself for hoping you’d attend the baby shower, and he’d get a glimpse of your soft pretty eyes, a glimpse of the smile that had stolen his heart when he was still too young to know what love was.

He knew he was confused, but what could he do? Confusion was a constant when one’s heart longed for another.

And maybe that was why he found himself deciding to go to that baby shower two months later. Maybe that was why you decided to go too, with the hopes that you’d run into him and find the words to speak to him. Words you had wanted to tell him back then before he had left. Before he had stepped out and left you in the past.

*****

Hope was a treacherous thing when you owned a fragile heart such as yours. And maybe you should have decided not to go, maybe you should have mailed a gift to Nari and Joonwoong. Instead, you went, closing the restaurant for the weekend as you decided to spend it at your parents’ place like you did once in a while whenever you needed more company than your empty apartment could provide.

Your parents were happy to see you. Ecstatic even, as your mother had a new man for you to meet. Another blind date like all the ones she had made you go on in the last year. None had worked, and you knew that the next one wouldn’t work either. You weren’t interested in a relationship at all, rather preferring to focus on building your reputation in the field of catering and fine cuisine.

And you were right: sitting in front of that stranger in a café you had frequented with Jin all those years ago, you found yourself losing your interest. Wishing you could be home and sipping on a glass of wine. It wasn’t that the guy was bad. He was pretty decent with a career that promised success in the field of finance and a rich family to support him if failure met him. He was nice, with a smile that made his eyes crinkle softly and a laugh that sounded a little childish, yet like a melody.

In all truth, it wasn’t him that was the problem. You were aware it was you, and your unavailable heart that still looked for another in all the people you met. Someone you knew you were going to see the next day, as Nari had told you he’d attend.

Making you go on a blind date the day before seeing Jin had been a stupid idea from your mother, but to make her happy you stayed with the guy for a while, talking about everything and nothing, trying to appear interested in the things he said. You hoped you succeeded, but it didn’t really matter. You knew you weren’t going to see him again.

You found yourself unable to sleep that night. Eyes glued to the ceiling of your childhood room, thoughts roaming over the memories of the past years. Of your older brother who had been friends with Jin’s brother, long before you had even known Jin. Of your parents, who had been so in love and made you believe you’d find a love for yourself like that, some day. It was strange to think that you did and that you had lost it in your selfishness.

You weren’t quite sure if your selfishness had been the cause of the fall. It wasn’t like Jin had been better. You pushed the thoughts aside, rolling on your mattress, eyes falling on the window and on the clouds you could see in the sky, clouds that had been lingering for days.

And when the night sky started lighting up with dawn, you got up and went outside to do a little bit of yoga while the sun rose. Even if it was hidden by the clouds, you always found peace in the early morning, that moment before the world started turning again, when dew clung to every blade of grass, shining in the first rays of the sun.

“Y/n!” your mother shouted from the door of the house. “Breakfast is ready.”

“Coming”, you replied, before finishing your last position.

Once that was done, you rolled your yoga mat, carrying it back inside to your room before meeting your parents in the kitchen. Your brother had long been married and had moved in with his wife in Seoul, in the same neighborhood as your restaurant, so he wasn’t going to come for breakfast.

“How was the date yesterday?” your mother asked as soon as you sat, and you threw her an annoyed glance.

“You should stop forcing me to go on those”, you said, right as she shook her head slightly.

She met your father’s gaze, before resuming her attention on you. “I really thought you would like that one.”

You shrugged, spooning some food in your mouth to refrain from having to say anything. Your mother got the cue, and your parents started eating too, until a lighter conversation about their plans to visit your aunt in Busan filled the air, letting you zone out as you ate your fill.

A little later, you found yourself putting on your favourite clothes – a pale pair of dress pants that had been too overpriced but fit you perfectly, along with a loose dark blue blouse that you tucked in your pants. You fixed your hair too, and put on some make-up. You knew it probably was too extra for a baby shower, but you didn’t care. You wanted to look your best if you were to see Jin.

The walk to Nari and Joonwoong’s place was a little longer than you remembered. You walked with your hands in your pockets, palms already clammy as anxiety moved through you. You had no clue who was attending except for Nari’s two younger twin sisters, Seori and Seri, along with Jin of course. You imagined Joonwoong’s siblings would be there too, but Nari hadn’t given you a clear list of the people in attendance.

Probably because she had thought you wouldn’t go.

Your right hand exited the comfort of your pocket to move to your hair, playing mindlessly with the bang that framed your face. It had gotten a little longer than you usually kept your bangs, and you knew you would have to get it cut soon.

You focused on simple thoughts to distract you from the perspective of seeing Jin. Focusing on them proved to be fruitless, because as you neared the house where your friends were going to build their family, your eyes fell on a familiar silhouette you would have recognized anywhere.

You knew those broad shoulders by heart, along with the dark hair atop his head. It was longer now, a little more ruffled as if he didn’t really care about his appearance all that much. Your fingers ached to touch the strands you knew were soft, and your hands trembled as you got closer to him, while he waited for someone to come open the door for him.

You were still a good ten feet away from the door when it opened, revealing a round-bellied Nari with a wide grin on her face. She didn’t notice you as she let Jin in, and the door shut before you reached it, as your heartbeat reached a rhythm that had to be anything but good for your health.

You waited for a moment before knocking, maybe because you were hoping Jin would be gone by the time someone would open for you. You were a coward, through and through, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

In all truth, you didn’t bring yourself to knock until a small family arrived, with two small children that kept running around and screaming with happy laughs and shrieks as the boy tickled his sister. You watched them for a time, as the parents neared you, face breaking into an endeared smile.

You had always loved children. Had always wanted to have a couple of them, back when you were with Jin. You still wanted some today, but it was a different want, like an unreachable goal that shimmered in the distance the same way a mirage did in the desert.

“Hello”, the woman greeted you.

You bowed as you echoed her greeting, right as the children finally settled down beside their parents, the girl throwing you a curious glance as she hid behind her mother’s legs. You smiled at her, before resuming your attention on the mother.

“I just got here”, you said, as if you needed to reassure her that you weren’t avoiding knocking on the door. Which, in truth, had been what you were doing.

“Let’s knock”, she replied, and the air filled with awkwardness before you finally turned, knocking on the door.

Your heart resumed its treacherous rhythm as you waited for the door to open and you were relieved when it did, revealing a disheveled Joonwoong.

“Y/n!” he greeted you happily, before speaking to the couple and their children behind you as he moved to the side to let you pass.

You listened to them speak as you took off your shoes. Apparently, the woman was one of Joonwoong’s coworkers, and she was currently pregnant with her third child, though she had yet to show. It made you jealous, in some sort of way, and you tuned out the conversation to focus on your surroundings.

Nari and Joonwoong’s house was a wide open space, with a staircase in one corner that led to the upstairs where you imagined the bedrooms were. A table was pushed against one of the walls, with a pile of gifts and colourful balloons on each end. People were scattered around the whole area, with a few of them sitting on a L-shaped couch next to the television on the wall. The kitchen was on the opposite end of the open area and an array of snacks rested on the table, for the guests to pick from if they wanted to. That was where Jin was, and your eyes immediately moved away as you saw him standing there, hands in his pockets, looking awkward with Nari speaking to her twin sisters next to him.

In all truth, you were surprised that Jin was there. He had never been one for crowds, even though he was an idol. Indeed, he had always been more of an introvert, and maybe that had been another reason why your relationship had been doomed from the start: you had always liked going out, and it wasn’t something Jin had had to offer you, at the end.

Or maybe that had been the pandemic.

You shook the thoughts away, right as you felt a tiny fist pulling on your pants. You glanced down to see the little girl with a shy smile on her face. You bent so you were at a level with her, and you offered her your sweetest smile.

“Hey there”, you told her.

“You are very pretty”, she said with a small childish voice that made your heart fill with endearment.

Her comment surprised you, as you hadn’t expected the compliment, but you immediately thanked her, telling her that she was the prettiest around here. That made her blush as her mother laughed next to her.

“She is practicing talking to people”, the mother told you once the little girl ran away, with her brother on her heels. “She’s always been shy, but we’re trying to make her come out of her shell.”

You chuckled as you nodded. “Going for a compliment right away doesn’t sound like she’s too shy.”

The mother laughed as she nodded in agreement. “She’s gotten a lot better.” Her eyes moved away from your face, and as soon as you saw her mouth falling open, you knew what she had seen.

Everyone had that reaction when they saw Jin back when you were dating. The perks of him being a worldwide famous idol.

The woman’s eyes moved back to you, right as she motioned behind her to tap on her husband’s arm. You waited for him to see Jin too, your own gaze falling to the floor as you felt awkwardness moving through you once again.

“Joonwoong didn’t mention Jin from BTS was going to be here”, the man said. It was said like it was some sort of a joke, like he didn’t quite believe Jin was there.

You didn’t blame him, you could hardly believe it yourself. You glanced over your shoulder and your eyes met Jin’s gaze for a time.

The world stopped turning, as your breath caught in your throat and your heart stopped in your chest. Jin offered you a small smile and a bow of his head, before leaning closer to Nari as she was saying something to him. He laughed at her words, and the sound of his laugh carried across the room to meet your ears.

It struck you dumb, and you turned your head away as everything inside of you felt like it was burning. As if you had caught fire and no one was to come to put it out. It hurt, deeply, and you wished you hadn’t come. Wish you hadn’t been stupid enough to want to come.

You and Jin were done. There was a whole abyss between you now, with no bridge to lead to him the way it had before. You had known it before you had come, of course. Hell, the break-up letter had been clear about it, as you had reread it in the last few days. But to see him there, to know he was nearby, yet too far… it cut you deeply. Made you feel as if you were bleeding out.

“Are you okay?” the woman asked, her concern for you replacing her surprise at the sight of Jin.

You met her gaze, wondering what you looked like for her to ask. Maybe you had blanched, as if you had seen a ghost. Maybe your eyebrows had fallen, or maybe your whole stance had fallen. It wouldn’t surprise you, you had always been an open book.

“Yes”, you lied, and you managed to take a couple of breaths, breaths that had your pain easing until it was just a numb feeling at the back of your mind.

You’d let yourself hurt as soon as you’d leave. You knew it was going to be soon, you didn’t feel like sticking around when just the smallest eye contact had you feeling like that.

And maybe you were stronger than you let yourself believe. Because you did stay, keeping away from Jin as best as you could, talking to the woman you had just met. Playing with the children, as the little girl tended to go back to you more often than the others. Maybe because you had been the only one to actually take the time to speak to her.

It was easier once the initial shock passed. Easier to pretend that Jin was just another stranger, as you avoided his gaze and his general presence. Easier to act as if you were fine, all the while feeling your heart break a little more.

Your eyes betrayed you sometimes, sliding to him even though you tried to ignore him. He looked good, effortlessly so. Full lips stretching into a smile that lit up his whole face as he laughed along with Joonwoong and the other men. Some of them looked like friends to him, and it was a strange sight to see him like that.

He looked happy. Maybe that, most of all, unnerved you. Seeing him happy, as if your presence didn’t affect him at all. Or maybe he was just a better actor than you.

Maybe he had just learned to push the pain so far in the depths of his heart he could barely feel it anymore. It was bound to break out some day, but today, he’d push it deeper, until it was like it didn’t even exist anymore.

Perhaps then he’d be able to catch a glimpse of you without feeling like he was drowning.

*****

Years ago, the gazebo where you were sitting had been lit up with fairy lights. A string of them, that you could see up above your head, but they had died a long time ago. The landscape was the same though, with the distant mountains and the moon high up in the sky now that the clouds had finally dispersed. Closer to you, trees reached up to the heavens, though there was a break in them where the gazebo was so you could gaze at the view.

The gazebo wasn’t well maintained. There was a hole in the floor through which you could see rocks littering the ground, and there were spiderwebs everywhere, with their occasional occupant. You almost felt bad for disrupting their peace as you sat there, but you had needed to get away.

Memories were engraved into the wood of the gazebo, where lovers had carved their names and promises of forever. You knew that somewhere on your right your own initials, along with Jin’s, were etched on the side of the bench.

You remembered the day you had carved them there, with the Swiss knife your father had gifted you after his trip to Sweden. It had been a sunny day, with wind making the leaves of the trees dance, splotches of sunlight following a chaotic pattern as it reached the floor of the gazebo. Jin had been sitting on the floor, reading initials and what previous lovers had written. Until you had chosen to sit next to him and had started carving a memory of your own love.

You wondered if time had erased the carving, the way it had erased the love between you and Jin.

The gazebo had been a frequent meeting place for you and Jin. That summer you had met… it had been spent under this same roof, watching those same distant mountains, and listening to that same wind. It had been warm, hot even, though young love blossoming had kept it bearable. Enjoyable, too.

It was in that same gazebo that Jin had kissed you for the first time. In that same gazebo that he had proposed to you, that early September evening, along with your family.

The moon looked lonely, up in the sky. A full moon, brighter than the stars surrounding it, yet it looked lonely. Much like you felt. You wondered if Jin sometimes looked up at the sky and felt lonely too even with all his love for the moon up there.

It had been hard to see him earlier. Harder than you had expected and had you known, you wouldn’t have gone. It was strange to you that your friends still were friends with Jin. It made you think of the members, and the nostalgia felt too real.

It sucked that they had chosen to end your friendship when Jin had broken up with you. Sucked that Jin hadn’t had to lose most of his friends the way you had lost yours. It made you jealous, in some sort of way.

Jealousy wasn’t a beautiful emotion. It was filled with poison, the kind that slowly made your bones dissolve like they’d been thrown into acid. It was a slow pain, one that choked your lungs up with the feeling of drowning.

You hated it. Hated that Jin had looked so happy earlier. Hated that he had barely acknowledged your presence, merely nodding your way before focusing back on his conversation.

Mostly, you hated how some part of you had seen him and felt relieved. As if your heart had finally come home, even with all the distance between you. Hearing his laugh had been healing, too. But seeing his smile… it had broken your heart all over again.

You hadn’t cried about your lost love in a long time now. Didn’t think you were going to cry tonight either, yet your eyes felt wet. Vision becoming blurry, you found yourself blinking away tears right as you shivered in a particular cold gust of wind.

It felt even colder when you turned and noticed a figure standing there.

Then every sensation left your body when you recognized Jin, with his hands in his pockets and a startled look on his face. As if he hadn’t expected to see you there.

There was a long moment of you just looking at each other. Waiting for the other to speak, to act as if the world hadn’t just stopped for you. And you didn’t want to be the first one to speak, didn’t want him to hear the tremolo that was sure to take over your voice.

“Hi”, he said, voice small and shy in a way that was so different to the guy you had loved.

Your heart picked up its pace in your chest, and suddenly every sensation rushed back to you: the feeling of his eyes on you, the fabric of your shirt brushing your skin, the moon reflecting in his gaze. The smell of the forest surrounding you, mixed with the underlying scent of rotten wood. The sound of a cricket somewhere in the distance, along with the call of a night bird in the forest.

You noticed everything at once, as his single word floated in the air between you.

“I didn’t expect to find you here”, he continued as you stayed mute, as if you didn’t even know how to be human anymore.

In all honesty, you were pretty sure you didn’t.

He looked down, and his eyes trailed to the hole in the floor. He seemed surprised to see it there. You understood why: he too had to remember when you had come here when you were younger and foolish and falling in love. Back then, the gazebo had been well kept by a kind old man who climbed all the way here every morning.

“I can leave you alone if you want”, he said, eyes stubbornly avoiding your face as yours continued boring into his forehead.

Some sense came back to you, and you let out a small nervous laugh. “Sorry, no, you can stay.” You wet your lips as he met your gaze again. “I was leaving anyway.”

You got up, but Jin was quicker. “No!” His mouth hung open for a time, as if he regretted the sudden outburst. He then shrugged, before shaking his head slightly. “You can stay.”

With me.

The words were unsaid, yet they shone in his eyes. You nodded slightly before looking away from him, unable to hold his gaze. You listened to him climb the two stairs to the gazebo as he moved in, before sitting on the opposite side from you. You sat back down, trying to ignore the space between you.

The gazebo wasn’t particularly large, maybe six feet or so. If Jin were to lie down in the middle, you knew he’d almost touch the two sides. It also meant that him sitting in front of you brought him a lot closer than you felt comfortable with and you kept looking in the distance, trying to ignore his presence.

But it was hard. Jin lit up the gazebo, as if the fairy lights had fallen under his skin and the electricity running along his nerves was enough to light them up again. It made your heart beat painfully as it beat erratically, not sure which symphony to embrace.

You hated it, and really hoped you had chosen to leave. But it felt too late now as if it’d just make everything all the more awkward.

The distinct sound of a zipper being opened met your ears, a strange sound that felt out of place in the middle of the night. You turned to look at him, unable to resist, to see he had a backpack next to him.

You hadn’t even noticed it, but Jin had brought a backpack with him. Your eyes widened a little as he fished a wine bottle out of it, along with a single plastic cup.

He looked up, as if feeling your gaze on him. “Had I known you were here I’d have brought two of these”, he said, moving the cup up a little before letting his hand fall in his lap, eyes following a second later.

“Oh, it’s okay.” Your words had him meeting your gaze again. “Are you…” you trailed off, cheeks flushing. “Were you going to drink alone?”

He chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. “I didn’t think you were going to be here, so yeah, that was the plan.”

Why had he chosen to come here? The question swirled in your thoughts, deafening every sound around you.

Had he needed to satiate his nostalgia, much like you had needed to?

“I look like a loser, don’t I?”

His sentence had a strange laugh bubbling in your chest. It was awkward, and a small smile moved on his lips as your gaze dropped to the floor. “You don’t”, you reassured him.

Why did you break up with me in a letter?

You wanted to ask him. Had been wanting to ask him since you had first seen him earlier… but he looked peaceful, somewhat, in the silver light of the moon. You didn’t want to ruin it with questions your heart had been wondering about for so long.

“Do you want to drink with me?” he asked.

You still avoided his eyes, but your gaze moved to the wine bottle. There wasn’t enough light for you to discern which wine it was. All you could tell was that it looked like a red.

“It’s an Antu”, he said. “Isn’t that your favourite?”

He knew it was. You didn’t know why he had asked because he knew it was.

It was that same bottle you had been drinking the night you had fought for the last time.

“You still remember?”

There was a heavy silence then, as Jin looked away, towards the horizon. You watched his profile, noticing the way his lips were tightly pulled into a straight line. Like he was hurt.

Maybe his memories hurt him just as much as yours hurt you.

“Yeah”, he flatly said after a time. He sighed, before sliding his eyes towards you again. “I remember a lot.”

You couldn’t look away this time and you offered him a sad smile. “It’s hard to forget someone you really loved, huh?”

He nodded, letting out a bitter chuckle. “It really is.” He put the glass down next to him before twisting the cap of the bottle open. He poured some wine, allowing himself a taste before handing you the glass.

You looked at it as if it was foreign, as if the scene was straight out of an absurd movie. And it really felt as if it was because he couldn’t have hurt the way you had. He had been the one to break up in the first place, even though you had known that the relationship had come to an end too. You would have liked to fight for it, but life had other plans for you.

You grabbed the cup, avoiding his fingers like the plague. You didn’t feel like touching him, not when just the sight of him hurt you like it did. You took a small sip, and the aromas of the wine danced on your tongue before you swallowed. The taste lingered a moment and it reminded you of that night three years ago.

Needless to say you hadn’t drunk that wine again after losing Jin.

“How has work been going?” he asked, as his gaze slid to the horizon, to the mountains coated in that silver glow the moon provided to the whole scene.

“Great.” You took another sip. “The restaurant has been going really great now that the pandemic is over.”

“Good to hear.” It sounded genuine, the way he said it, with softness making his voice fall low at the end. “RM had only good things to say about the food.”

A small smile formed on your lips. “Hope he had good things to say about his date as well.”

Jin chuckled, and from the corner of your eye you saw him take a sip straight from the bottle. “They are dating now, so trust me, he has plenty of good things to say about her. He is head over heels for her.”

“Good for him”, you said.

You fell silent for a time, both of you contemplating the mountains. It was a comfortable silence, as if the initial surprise of seeing him here had melted into expectation. As if you had expected him to meet you here under the gazebo, as he had so many times before.

“All the members are dating, actually”, Jin admitted.

Your eyes widened, and your gaze slid to him. “All of them?”

Jin laughed before taking a swig of the Antu. “Yeah. We just had a dinner with all their girlfriends.” He sighed, though a soft smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “I’m happy they have found their own happiness.”

You were happy for them too, yet your heart felt heavy in your chest. Because even though Jin seemed happy for his friends, there was a heaviness in the air surrounding him. And you could imagine why, he was the oldest and he was the only one that was single now. It had to weigh on him, in some sort of way.

“Though”, he met your gaze, and your hand that held the cup shook a little at the sadness you saw in his eyes, “It feels weird to know that they have all found their person.”

You knew him all too well. After all this time, you still knew him all too well.

“Why is that?” you found yourself asking, even though you knew the answer.

He shrugged, looking in the distance again. You followed his gaze, as if it’d give him more privacy to reply to your question. He remained silent for a time, and you took a sip of the wine.

“I always thought I’d be the first to…” he trailed off. “Well, me or Jungkook-ie. I thought one of us would be the first to get married and all…” He chuckled, a sad sound that made your heart ache in your chest. “Won’t happen now.”

It angered you, just a little, because it could have happened hadn’t he chosen to break up with you. But it was in the past, and a fragile peace clung to the moment. You didn’t want to be the one to make it fall into chaos.

“Well, maybe Jungkook and Sena will get married soon”, you pointed out.

Jin winced, shaking his head. “Jungkook is not dating Sena anymore.”

It startled you, to hear that. “What?”

“Yeah…” Jin met your gaze. “He’s dating a tattoo artist now. And I don’t think they plan to get married.”

“Oh”, you let out. “Why not?”

Jin shrugged, before drinking a little wine. “One of the reasons why Jungkook and Sena broke up is because she wanted to get married and he didn’t.”

You remembered that. Sena had always gushed about the day she’d get married, had sent you pictures of wedding dresses and all the likes for a long time. Until you had split up with Jin, and then she’d started talking to you less and less until she didn’t at all anymore. You hadn’t tried to maintain the relationship either, as she reminded you of Jin too much.

You had avoided reminders of Jin for months after the breakup. Years, even.

“Oh, I see.” You drank, letting the wine roll on your tongue for a long time before swallowing. “Who do you think will get married first, then?”

“I have a feeling for Taehyung, but he started dating his girlfriend pretty recently.”

You smiled, nodding your head. “He’s always been a big romantic, though.”

“He has”, Jin agreed.

Jin had been a big romantic too, before you had made the mistake of moving in together because of the pandemic.

But you didn’t feel like fighting tonight. Just felt like talking to him like time hadn’t split you up like it had. You wanted to let the calm atmosphere of the night heal some parts of you that had never healed, after the breakup.

The perks of never really having in person closure.

“How… how has work been going for you?” you asked, carefully, after the silence between you had stretched into minutes, minutes of you both looking at the scenery.

“Well”, he said. “It’s been going well. It’s strange though. To not be doing everything with the members anymore.”

You slowly nodded. “I can imagine that it is.”

“But it’s been great”, he added. “Some change is always good, you know.”

You would have done without the change of losing him, but you couldn’t really tell him that, right?

Or maybe you could.

“Why did you break up with me in that letter?” you asked, a little out of the blue. The question had found its way to your lips quicker than you could stop it, and you let it hang in the air between the two of you.

You deserved an answer, after all this time. After all the haunting that the ghost of Jin had been in your life.

Jin looked startled, yet he didn’t flee. Didn’t become angry like he used to back then. “You told me to never come back.”

You slowly nodded, though you didn’t really remember what had happened that night. As if it had hurt too much and your brain had chosen to forget it.

“You never…” you trailed off, taking a sip of wine to hide the tremble in your voice. “You never considered that I didn’t mean it?”

He shrugged, sighing heavily. “I did, for a time. But then I realized that our relationship wasn’t what it was like anymore and figured it was just best to end it then.”

He had written so in his letter, so it was nothing new to you. Yet it hurt to hear him say it aloud.

“It was a little traumatizing, to come home one day and see that all of your stuff was gone”, you said.

You had wanted to tell him for years. Had almost given in and called him countless times in the weeks after that evening. But you hadn’t, your pride winning over your need for closure.

He had told you to call, though. In his letter. The last few lines had been about wanting to arrange a meeting in person so you could talk. You had chosen not to. Hadn’t been able to, in all honesty.

“I…” he let out, before falling silent. He didn’t speak again for a long time, and tears were welling up in your eyes, blurring the landscape in front of you, by the time he spoke again. “I apologize. I was messed up back then, and I just thought about myself.”

Maybe that had been your undoing. The fact that both of you had thought about yourselves, and never about the two of you together. You had been too individual in the whole relationship.

It didn’t matter anymore.

You couldn’t tell him that it was okay because it had never really been. So you remained silent, instead sipping the wine, trying to ignore your heart breaking in your chest all over again.

It was hard when you were fully aware that Jin had been the love of your life. In three years, you hadn’t even been able to look at another man and imagine having a sexual relationship with him, let alone a future. All your nights were still haunted by Jin. All of them belonged to him, just like all your days belonged to his absence.

“I really am sorry”, Jin said as you remained silent. “I shouldn’t have taken the cowardly way out.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore”, you said, trying to reassure him.

Another beat of silence passed between you two.

“You know, I would have wished for things to end differently”, he admitted. “It does matter.”

A tear slipped on your cheek, and you hoped he didn’t notice. Wished it with all of your heart. So, you drank some wine, finishing the cup he had handed you before focusing on the moon. A veil of clouds had hidden it, a little, and it was lit up by a silver glow, as if the moon had diffused in all the clouds.

Perhaps you were stupid for thinking he wouldn’t notice, when he still knew you by heart the way you knew him.

“Y/n…” he let out.

You glanced at him, and it just had more tears rolling on your cheeks. “Sorry.” You put the cup down on the bench next to you, before quickly getting up. “I’ll leave you alone.”

“Don’t go”, he said softly, but you could barely hear him over the sound of your heart breaking all over again.

You took a few steps away, and maybe it was because the moon didn’t light up the gazebo anymore or because your tears were blurring your sight, but you forgot there was a hole in the floor. Only remembered when your leg went through it, and the sound of your pants tearing as you fell had you wincing.

Or maybe it was the pain that followed that truly had you wincing, as a burning sensation went up your leg.

“Are you okay?” Jin asked, and it sounded as if he had asked already, and you were deafened by the pain overcoming your nerves.

“Fuck.”

You had never cursed all that much in your life, and that more than anything told Jin that you in fact were not okay at all. He was kneeling in front of you – when had he moved? – a concerned look etched on his pretty features, heart-shaped mouth opened on a “o” sound that never reached your ears.

You met his gaze, blinking back tears, though this time you didn’t feel like crying because of the heartbreak. No, you were just infinitely embarrassed and were afraid to take a look at your leg.

“Let me help you out of there”, he gently said. Holding out his hands for you to take, though he didn’t touch you before you actually grabbed his hands.

In your panic, his warm touch barely registered in your mind. Especially as he tried pulling you up, and something dug in your leg. You screamed in pain and Jin let you go, a panicked expression taking over his features.

“Y/n…”

You blinked back more tears, before shutting your eyes and pulling your leg out. Adrenaline hid the first spark of pain, but as soon as your foot was resting on the floor next to you, away from the hole, the pain rushed back to you.

Or maybe the sight of blood staining your pale pants made the pain come back all the faster.

“You’re hurt”, Jin stated, right as the colours leached from his features. Not that you could really see it in the night, but the adrenaline made you all too aware.

“There was a nail.”

Your statement met deaf ears as Jin gently pulled your pants up to see the wound. It wasn’t a long cut, but it was deep enough to have blood gushing out of it. You paled even more at the sight of it, as your head turned dizzy.

“Oh God.”

“It’s going to be alright”, Jin reassured you, though he looked just as afraid as you. “I’ll carry you down and then we can call an ambulance.”

“I’m sure I don’t need to go to the hospital”, you said, but your voice was weak.

He didn’t say anything, instead moving towards the wine and the backpack. He put the cap back on the bottle before stuffing it in the bag.

“I swear I’m fine”, you insisted, and you pushed up to your feet. The feeling of newer warmer blood running down the side of your leg had fresh tears welling up in your eyes.

Jin put the backpack on so it rested on his stomach, before moving back to you. “Climb on my back”, he ordered, bending down so you could do so.

You slowly shook your head.

“Y/n, please, I just want to get you to safety.”

“I can walk”, you said, crossing your arms on your chest so he couldn’t see your hands shaking.

He threw you a no-bullshit look that had you look away. “Just climb on my back”, he said, gently, but with the firm voice you had seen him using with the members countless times before.

The same voice his older brother usually used on him.

“Okay”, you finally agreed because really, you couldn’t stand on your leg anymore, the pain making your knee weak. So, you wrapped your arms around Jin’s neck, and he pulled you up until your legs were circling his waist. “You’re going to get blood on you.”

“I don’t care”, he said and he started walking.

The sudden movement had you become all too aware of every part of your body that was touching him. It ached, a different way than the burning in your leg, as you rested your forehead against his shoulder.

“I’m sorry”, you apologized again.

“Stop being sorry, you’re injured, it’s only normal for me to take care of you.”

That had you crying again, and you held him tighter. “No. I’m sorry for the way things went down three years ago.”

Jin didn’t reply, but his grip on the side of your thighs tightened.

The walk down the small mountain was a short one, just under twenty minutes. Twenty minutes that you spent in silence, head still resting against Jin’s shoulder. Heart still beating achily, as the burning in your leg grew numb. Jin rubbed your thighs with his thumbs mindlessly as he walked, and all you could do was listen to the sounds of the forest surrounding you.

When you finally reached the street, Jin put you down on a bench before calling an ambulance. He sat next to you after that, close enough so that his thigh was touching yours on the side of your uninjured leg.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

You shrugged. “I’ll be fine.”

He slowly nodded, eyes getting lost in the reflection of the streetlamp in a puddle left from the rain earlier. “You know…” He chuckled, sadly, and if it wasn’t for the pain in your leg you would have moved until you could hug him. “You shouldn’t be sorry for how things ended.”

“But I am”, you said matter-of-factly. “I wanted to hate you for so long, but at the end of the day, it was all my fault.”

“It wasn’t”, he shook his head. “We both had our wrong-doings in the relationship.”

“I asked too much of you.”

It was true, in some sort of way. You had asked too much of him after you had moved in together. You had asked for stuff Jin couldn’t really give you, until he had become too tired to even try.

“I was too immature to give you what you needed”, he replied with a small voice. “I regretted it a lot.”

“You don’t anymore?”

“Not like I did at first.” He paused, eyes darting to you once before moving back to the safety of the puddle. “I hope you didn’t regret it.”

You chuckled bitterly, and hadn’t it been for the wound on your leg you would have gotten up and stormed off. “Jin, please stop saying that.” You met his gaze. “Stop saying that I shouldn’t be sorry or that I shouldn’t regret. I wanted to fight for you and you didn’t even give me the option.”

His brows knit together as he clenched his jaw, but a deep breath had his features loosening immediately. “You could have called, and we could have talked in person”, he pointed out. “At first I really just wanted a break.”

You didn’t reply, remaining stubbornly silent, though the sudden anger that had filled your entire being left you, the pain in your leg overpowering it.

“I’m really happy I got to see you today”, Jin admitted after a long silence.

You shut your eyes, head hanging low. Until he wrapped an arm around your shoulders to pull you in his embrace. Tears rolled down your cheeks but you didn’t move, didn’t say anything. You wanted to enjoy the warmth of him once more. For the last time, perhaps.

“I like your hair”, he continued.

You had cut it short, after him. Gone were the long locks cascading down your back: your hair was shoulder-length now.

“Thank you”, you whispered, your voice breaking at the end.

Jin only tightened his hold on you, as he rested his chin on top of your head. He didn’t speak for a long time. If you were in his head, you’d know that his heart was shattered, had been shattered since that night you had told him not to come back. You’d know letting you go had been the hardest thing he had ever had to do, and that he’d take it back if he could. He wasn’t sure you wanted that too.

“Do you know why I went to the gazebo?” he asked, with the tiniest voice he could muster up.

“Why?”

“I hoped I was going to find you there, like that summer we met.”

You pushed away from him, so you could look him in the eyes. So you could see the truth in his dark gaze, and in the sad smile that adorned his lips.

“You remember?”

You were startled to see a tear rolling down his cheek. “How could I forget?”

Your gaze fell and your eyes caught on the glint of a chain disappearing in his dress shirt. “We had fun that summer.”

He nodded slowly. “We did. It’s crazy to think that it’s been thirteen years.”

You had never really thought about it, but it was true. You had met Jin in 2010, the year he had become a trainee. Even with the busy schedule that it had entailed, you had still managed to meet up at the gazebo, until you were in love thinking you were going to spend your lives together.

Oh how you had been wrong.

“It’s sad that the gazebo is all rotted now”, you whispered, and your eyes moved back up to his face.

“How’s your leg?” he asked.

You didn’t have time to reply before the blaring siren of the ambulance rose in the distance as it moved closer to you. “You know I’m not sure an ambulance was needed”, you said again. And you glanced at your leg, paling once again at all the blood. Though it wasn’t bleeding all that much anymore, most of it had just dried on your skin.

“If you got cut by a nail you want to make sure you get it checked by a doctor”, he said. “You might need shots for tetanus too.”

He was right, and to have him care for you like that… it had your heart squeezing in your chest all over again.

“I could have asked my parents to drive me”, you murmured, face turning away from him.

He shrugged, offering you a small sad smile. “Let me take care of you. Just this one last time.”

New tears filled your eyes and had it not been for the ambulance finally arriving, you would have burst out crying right then. You were glad the paramedics saved you the embarrassment, even as Jin insisted to accompany you in the ambulance. Even as he sat next to you, holding your hand as one of the paramedics took a look at the cut.

Seeing the wound had you paling even more, so you looked away, focusing on Jin’s hand in yours. On the feeling of him next to you, like he had been all these years ago. And he remained by your side all through the trip to the hospital, not once letting go of your hand, except when the doctor had a nurse inject a vaccine shot in your arm.

Only then did he let you go, only to grab your hand again right when the shot was done.

When the wound was dressed and you were all ready to go, Jin walked with you to the front door, hands deep in his pockets. You hadn’t spoken much during the whole ordeal, but his comforting presence had your heart squeeze in your chest with memories of the past. With what-ifs and could-have-beens that felt sour even as you stepped outside in the fresh air of the night.

“Thank you”, you whispered as you walked side by the side, the sounds of the city meeting your ears once again, with you stumbling a little as the doctor had requested for you to use crutches for a few days. Just so you didn’t put weight on your leg, until the wound had started healing and didn’t threaten to open up again.

Jin’s gaze slid to your profile, lingering there for a moment too long before he spoke again. “Would you like to get dinner sometime?”

You stopped in your tracks, almost falling face first as you still weren’t quite used to walking with crutches. Jin stopped in front of you, turning to face you with a look on his face that you hadn’t seen in forever. An open door you hadn’t expected to see again. Some part of you wanted to shut the door, to run away while you still could, to end the relationship the right way, but a bigger part of you wanted to see him again. To know that he wasn’t fully gone from your life. Maybe it was a mistake, but you found you were too much of a coward to say no.

“I…” you trailed off, eyes falling in the void making up the space between you. “Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

You heard him gulp before he replied. “We can just talk. It could be… great, to talk again.”

Your eyes filled with tears once more, as they seemed to be doing quite a lot today. You slowly shook your head, gaze moving back up to his. The light in his eyes died at the sight of your tears, and he just stood there, unmoving, as if he had stopped breathing altogether.

“Why would we talk again?” you whispered, gaze shying away from his again. “Why would we do that to ourselves when we know it’s just going to hurt in the end?”

One of his hands moved up to his face, and you only then realized that he was crying too. “It doesn’t have to hurt.”

“You broke up with me, Jin”, you said, anger suddenly flaring up in your chest, a little like it had back then. All of a sudden, from a place in you that felt foreign to your usual calm behaviour. “We are over.”

His eyes were shut when you looked at his face again. “I’m sorry I asked.” He slowly shook his head, and you watched his features, committing them to memory as his bottom lip trembled. “I’ve just…”

When he didn’t say anything for a time, you found yourself wishing you hadn’t refused. Because seeing him hurting like that undid you, made you want to brush away the tear that rolled down his cheek, made you want to pull him in your embrace and never let him go.

You had never really stopped loving him, hadn’t you?

“You could come to the restaurant”, you suggested, with the smallest voice you had been able to muster up. Because it spoke against the sense in your head, against your will to protect yourself from the man that had destroyed you.

He didn’t say anything for a time, didn’t move at all. The only thing that moved was the tear on his cheek that finally reached his jaw. You watched it fall from his face, slowly, until you couldn’t distinguish it in the night anymore.

“If you want me to”, he finally said, his tone matching the one that had taken over your own voice.

You gulped, finding yourself unable to speak. As much as you were afraid, you wanted to see him again. Didn’t want tonight to be the last night you’d gaze at the man you had once loved as much as you had. The one that you still loved, though you couldn’t quite tell if the love was the same as it had once been.

Because memories… memories made one feel like they did once, even if the true feelings were gone. As if the soul still remembers, and echoes of the love reaches it sometimes. Reaches the darkest corners of one’s heart, lighting it up for a time before letting it fall into darkness once again.

“If you really want me to, I’d love to come to the restaurant”, he repeated as you remained silent.

You slowly nodded, taking a deep breath to ease the ache in your heart, though it made you focus on the numb pain that still adorned your leg. You moved a little, putting more weight on your uninjured leg as Jin watched you carefully, trying to lessen the pain.

“Okay”, you let out. “Yes. I could make you some kimchi jiggae.”

His eyes lit up, and he slowly nodded his head, a little like you had done just a few seconds ago. “I would love that.” He chuckled then, as if in disbelief, before speaking again. “I could help you, so you don’t do all the work.”

It was strange to hear him say that. As much as he had helped you with cooking back then, it felt strange to hear him say those words. As if they meant more, as if they meant something you had needed to hear three years ago, that night your relationship had died. It made you anxious about the whole ordeal, but you didn’t find the strength to look away, didn’t find the courage to tell him it wasn’t a good idea. The only thing you wanted was to add one more thing, yet the words didn’t reach your lips, dying somewhere in your throat, choking it up with nostalgia and apprehension.

Please don’t break my heart again.

*****

You didn’t remember the last time you had been so anxious. As if the whole world was on your shoulder tonight, and a single faux pas would send it crumbling down into chaos. You had been trembling for a while, clammy hands endlessly rearranging the ingredients for the meal you’d cook tonight. You had swept the floors so many times already you were pretty sure you hadn’t forgotten a single speck of dust in the whole place. Yet the anxiety didn’t leave you, rendering you unable to do anything else than pick at your nails.

Your leg had healed, in the few weeks since you had last seen Jin. You hadn’t been able to organize the dinner earlier considering Jin had been busy with work and you hadn’t been able to close the restaurant for a night before. Jin had offered to pay for renting the restaurant for the night, but you had refused, feeling weird about having your ex pay you that way.

You had a scar now where you had ripped your skin on the nail of the gazebo. It wasn’t a straight line, even with the stitches that you had gotten with Jin that night. It was mostly healed now and you had gotten the stitches taken out a week ago, but it still hurt a little, the skin feeling as if it was strangely stretched. It often itched, and you had to resist the urge to scratch it, to play with it the way you had been playing with the scar in your heart.

That scar was different. New, in a way you didn’t quite understand. Maybe because it had been a gaping hole for so long while Jin was gone from your life. It had taken closure and a wound for the hole to finally heal, to finally come together as one again. It made life different, somehow. You weren’t stupid as to why, hope painted everything in pastel and softness. And you hated that you were hopeful, but you had seen something in Jin’s eyes that night. Something you didn’t think you had seen since way before you had moved in together.

You refused to put a word on it, to give it meaning. Because giving it meaning would give it power, power to break you. You didn’t want to get hurt again yet you were excited about tonight. Anxious, yes, but excited nonetheless.

You sighed, running a hand through your hair as your eyes slid to the time on your phone once again. You were sitting on a high stool with one leg bouncing up and down as you waited for Jin to arrive. He had texted to say he was going to be late because of some unexpected traffic, promising that he was doing his best to come as quickly as he could. He had then sent you a bunch of screenshots from his groupchat with the rest of the members, with laughing emojis at how the boys had reacted when he had announced that you were getting dinner together tonight. They all were excited, way more than you had expected them to be, and Namjoon had even texted you saying to let him know if Jin was being a dick, so he could beat him up for you.

You didn’t know how to feel about it, but to have Jin be comfortable enough to share with you what the boys had said warmed your heart in some way. Even if they had all been teasing, saying stuff you weren’t sure they had expected you to read.

It didn’t really matter, because you hadn’t been able to stop smiling even with all the anxiety.

You sighed once again, breath shaking a little as it came out, and your heart stopped beating in your chest when you received a text. Unfortunately, it was from your mom, saying that she was ready to murder Jin if he so much as hurt you again.

You winced as you read the words. You were typing in your reply when your phone started vibrating in your hand, Jin’s name appearing at the top. This time, your heart stopped for good, and you watched the name for a while before finally answering the call.

“Hey”, you said, voice sounding a little strained. You scraped your throat as Jin greeted you on his side of the line.

“I’m at the door”, he said, and you could hear the smile in his voice. It made your heart start beating again, with warmth and butterflies that felt treacherous.

You pushed the anxiety aside as you got up. “I didn’t leave it unlocked?” you asked, and you started walking towards the entry.

“Oh, you did, just wanted to hear your voice already”, Jin replied, and you stopped in your tracks.

This time, the butterflies didn’t feel quite as treacherous, and you couldn’t help the smile that grew on your lips. “Well, come in, come in”, you said, and blush crept on your cheeks as Jin told you he was already in.

It didn’t take him more than a few seconds to appear in your line of sight, and you almost dropped your phone at the sight of him.

He had styled his hair back, and not a single strand stood out of place. He was wearing a black pair of dress pants, with a white shirt tucked in that hugged his body perfectly. His lips were stretched in a smile that tugged at the corners, making his eyes shine a little. He had a slight flush on his cheeks that made him seem so real and not a distant invention of your brain, and you wondered for a time how it was possible for a man like you to want to get dinner with a woman like you.

Jin was also holding a bouquet of red roses, and he had a bottle of wine under his arm. You knew it was an Antu without having to read the label and you grinned as he stopped.

“Hi”, he said again. He hung up the call as you just stood there awkwardly. “I… brought you roses.”

You slowly nodded, before taking a few steps towards him. “You didn’t have to”, you replied, a little breathlessly. It made you blush even more, cheeks turning dark as you stopped in front of him.

“I wanted to”, he said, shrugging. “That’s why I was late.”

Your eyes that were on the flowers moved up until you met his gaze, and your grin turned into a soft smile. “Then you really didn’t have to.”

You grabbed the roses, breathing in their scent while Jin watched you carefully, as if he wasn’t quite sure if you were real or not. A little like you had been watching just a moment ago, in truth.

“Is your leg healed now?” he asked, as the hand that had been holding the bouquet moved to grab the bottle of wine.

You nodded before turning around to go find a vase or something that could hold the flowers until you went home later. Jin followed you putting the wine down next to the ingredients, and you watched him from the corner of your eyes as he picked up some stuff, inspecting them before leaning against the counter and looking at you.

“I have missed eating your kimchi jiggae so bad”, he said, voice full of truth.

You avoided his gaze as you rummaged through the cupboards, hands settling on a cauldron, one you usually used for soups. You put the flowers in it before carrying it towards the sink.

“Well, good thing you’re here tonight”, you finally said, once you had turned the tap on and had no reason to avoid his gaze again.

He smiled with that heart-shaped mouth of his and you felt the anxiety dwindling away to nothingness, replaced by a warmth that settled in your whole body, in your whole soul as you just held his gaze, echoing the softness in his eyes.

“Thank you”, he murmured, and you only knew he said the words because you could read them on his lips.

Your gaze slid away as you moved to turn off the tap before picking up the cauldron to move it to the counter. “What for?”

“For accepting to meet up tonight”, he replied without a beat of silence. “I’m not sure I deserve it, but I’m really happy you said yes.”

You pursed your lips, shrugging a little. “Let’s not do that.”

He seemed confused for a time, much like you were. Because you didn’t know what you had meant and it sounded arrogant, somehow. It made you blush again and your gaze dropped to the tiles of the floor.

“I mean… not like that we shouldn’t…” you trailed off, shaking your head, “I mean, we shouldn’t think about the past.” You took a steadying breath, before meeting Jin’s gaze again. “We should start anew.”

He nodded, round eyes filling with agreement. “Yes. Let’s start on a new page.”

You nodded too, before letting out a small nervous laugh. “Perfect.”

And though the air had turned a little awkward, you moved closer to Jin and the ingredients, and soon enough you found yourself relaxing next to him, heart warming each time he laughed. And he did laugh a lot, just like he had when you had met him back then. It was something that you had always found endearing about him, something that had made you fall in love in the first place.

Sometimes, his laugh raised wariness in you, as if some part of you wanted to protect yourself from him. But it was hard to be pessimistic with him by your side, with his rolled-up sleeves and hands digging in the food as you showed him what to do. He looked happy, and that most of all stopped the wariness before it could kill the atmosphere.

And the atmosphere felt heavenly after years apart. As if you were taken back to the first days of your relationship. As if you were in that gazebo again, learning what love was. Learning what it meant for one to become two, and for two to become one again. Until your souls were entwined in a fragile tapestry; a tapestry that had been shred to pieces by the pandemic.

When Jin laughed, his whole face lit up, and his happiness bled to the space surrounding him. It was contagious, his happiness, until you found yourself laughing along with him, teasing him like you had back then. It only seemed to make him all the happier, and you found yourself wiping happy tears from the laughs you shared.

“Wait, wait, wait”, Jin said, interrupting the words you had been saying. You weren’t quite sure your sentence had been all that coherent, and you fell into silence as Jin repeated the word again, before adding, “You haven’t played Maple Story since that day?”

You laughed, hiding your face in your hands. “You know I’ve never been a big gamer.”

“Yet you always said you were better than me!” He shook his head, offense painting his features. “You’re a fake fan.”

“Oh please”, you said, chuckling as he let out a small laugh. “I still have the game. I’m sure I only need a little time before I can officially be better than you again.”

He squinted his eyes, wetting his lips. “Good luck with that. I’m at the top of my art.”

“Are you now?” You rolled your eyes, right as he nodded forcefully.

“Oh, I definitely am.”

You shared another laugh, before a comfortable silence raised around you.

You were currently sitting in one of the private rooms of the restaurant and you had put on some music to create an atmosphere that would feel more comfortable for the both of you with music you had used to listen to when you were dating. Jin had insisted on lighting candles and dimming the lights until romance heated up the air. The food was long eaten and the empty bowls between you were witnesses of Jin’s love for your kimchi jiggae. Indeed, he had finished every last bit of it as if he was a starved man.

You met his gaze right as a new song started, a slow ballad that you had used to dance to in the gazebo. It brought you to years ago, to a decade ago, even, and a knowing smile moved on his lips.

“Shall we?”

He motioned to the space surrounding you before extending his hand for you to take. Your eyes moved to it, skimming over his fingers and his perfectly manicured nails before going back to his face.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” you asked, and heaviness moved in your heart.

It didn’t go unnoticed to Jin, and his hand fell to the table. Still close enough for you to take, but not a clear invitation like it had been a moment ago.

“I’m not sure about anything in this world”, he said, shrugging his shoulders, and his own gaze dropped to his hand. “I just know I’ve been thinking about you since Nari and Joonwoong’s baby shower.”

As you had been. You gulped, wetting your lips. “I’m scared…”

His eyes fell shut, and he looked infinitely pained for a time. “I only have myself to blame for that.” He chuckled bitterly, and it made you want to grab his hand. To grab his hand and say fuck it. After all, you couldn’t win anything without risk. “I haven’t been able to get you off my mind.”

His eyelids fluttered open until your gazes met again. “What if it doesn’t work?” you murmured.

“Then we’ll be able to say we tried.”

He wasn’t wrong, and even though every part of you knew trusting him with your heart again was a mistake, your hand moved until your fingers grazed his. “Can we take it slow?”

His fingers reached up until they wrapped around yours. His touch was soft and warm, just like you remembered it, and it finished healing the hole in your heart, until the only thing you could feel was the warmth you could also find in his gaze.

“Yes.” His grip tightened around your fingers and he slowly got up. “We can take it as slow as you want to.”

You got up too, soon finding yourself facing him. He brought your hand to his shoulder before grabbing the other one.

“You know”, he said, voice low, as he started guiding you in that slow waltz in which your love had been born. “I almost came back that night.”

You shut your eyes, letting him guide you for a time as an old ache awoke in you. “I ran after you.” You sighed, breath coming out a little shakily, before meeting his gaze again. “I got a cold from running after you in the rain.”

He gulped, and you watched his Adam apple bobbing up and down. “I’m sorry.”

You had needed to hear those words since forever, yet they didn’t feel like you had thought they would. You had thought they would be liberating, but all they did was bring you back to those days after he had left.

“Don’t be”, you said, brushing it off with a shrug of your shoulders.

You didn’t want to give the past power over the night you were currently sharing. Over the hope that had been inhabiting you in the last few weeks.

“I’ll still be, but I can refrain from telling you.” He offered you a small smile, and your eyes dipped to his lips.

“I mean”, you said, mind searching for a joke to say to lighten the air around you. “It felt as if I was in a drama for a time. You let me live my main character arc for a time.”

That made him laugh, a sweet laugh that tugged at the corner of your own lips. “And look at us today, slow dancing. Maybe this is our season two.”

You chuckled, nodding your head, even as his words echoed your earlier wariness. “Or it’s a spin-off season, for those who don’t like sad endings.”

“I thought you wanted to take things slow.”

You stumbled a little and it made you stop dancing just as you looked at him. And you looked at him for a long time, unable to gaze away. Unable to stop the panic that found your heart, even as you had thought you were fine. You just looked at him, blanching, until your heart was beating out of your chest and you felt like leaving.

“Y/n?”

“This is not a good idea.”

You stepped away from him, walking towards the speaker so you could turn off the music. Jin didn’t move, as if too stunned to react, and you stood with your back turned to him as a new silence filled the air.

“Y/n…”

“No.” You shook your head. “Don’t say my name like that.”

“Why are you panicking?”

Maybe you were the one who couldn’t let the past be in the past.

You chuckled dryly, shaking your head again. “You broke my heart, Jin. We didn’t work and you broke my heart and I haven’t even been able to look at anyone else after you.” You were shaking, but you couldn’t stop anymore. “And then you came to gather your stuff while I was gone and I came back to an empty apartment. Your letter destroyed me.” A tear rolled on your cheek, and you wiped it away angrily. “And the boys stopped talking to me while you still talked to Nari and Joonwoong and the others and it’s fucking unfair.”

“Y/n”, Jin murmured, voice infinitely soft.

“I’m not fucking done”, you let out.

No, all the pain and rage you had felt back then came rushing back to you. It needed to come out, as it had needed to come out for the last three years. No dam could stop it anymore.

“I haven’t stopped loving you, even though you hurt me so bad I couldn’t even eat for weeks. I lost almost twenty pounds because food tasted too ashy after you. My parents forced me to take a break from the restaurant because of it.” You paused, and your heart felt as if it was shattered in your chest, and you were stepping on all the jagged pieces. “Do you know how pathetic I was? I have barely recovered and here you are coming back into my life expecting me to give myself to you again. What are you going to do this time?” You laughed, before turning to look at him. You took in the sight of his widened gaze, but it didn’t stop the words that were spilling from your mouth. “You’re going to kill me, Jin. I can’t allow myself to be with you again because you’re going to kill me.”

And as suddenly as you had started speaking, you fell silent, with only your tears rolling on your cheeks. Jin watched you for a while, still too stunned to speak, his eyes searching your features as if they’d find an answer as to why you were panicking. When he found none, his gaze dropped to the floor and words found their way to his own lips.

“It wasn’t working anymore and you know it too”, he said. He sounded resigned, as if he was only then realizing that you were over. “I took the cowardly way out, I know. I haven’t been able to be with anyone either. And I tried. But I’ve been comparing everyone to you and no one can compare. You’re the one that got away and I would sell my soul to the devil to change it.” His eyes met yours again, and you watched as his bottom lip trembled. “I don’t want to hurt you again. As a matter of fact I just want to stop hurting. When I was at that dinner with the boys and their girlfriends I just wanted you to be there. You deserved to be there and I was fucking stupid to not do what you asked me to do back then.”

Seeing him cry broke your heart again, reforming the hole you had imagined was gone. So you shut your eyes, focusing on your breathing to stop the pain from reaching you. It was a stupid thing to do, considering the pain inhabited your whole soul, but it was all you could do to try to survive.

“The worst part is that I thought I had made the right decision. I thought I had made the right decision until I saw you the other day and realized that I haven’t been happy since I lost you. I work and I perform and I am not happy. Life fucking sucks without…”

“Leave”, you breathed.

A single small word that stopped Jin’s sentence. Stopped his heart too, you imagined. Because you knew he was aching. He was aching and you were aching and you weren’t quite sure there existed a world out there where you’d have the courage to be with him again. So, you told him to leave again, screamed at him to go until he looked at you one last time from over his shoulder. And then he was gone, and his absence felt wrong.

Everything felt wrong.

You sat on the floor, pulling your legs to your chest as you cried. You cried for the heart that had been broken three years ago, and for the one you were trying to protect today. Because ending things with Jin and not letting him in was the only way you knew that could protect you.

But why did it feel so wrong?

Your crying subsided quicker than you had expected, leaving you feeling drained. Drained from all the happiness you had felt with Jin tonight. And you had felt a lot, because you too hadn’t been happy since you had lost him. You hadn’t been happy for a single moment after him. You had survived, had been content with the life you had been living, but nothing had been able to bring you happiness like Jin had been able to.

Maybe letting him go again was the wrong thing to do. Maybe it felt wrong because you didn’t want to let him go. Only wanted to hold him against you again until your heart forgot it had ever ached.

You were up before the thought had finished forming in your mind, and you ran out of the room. You turned in the hallway and let out a startled shriek as your foot caught in something. You regained footing a second later, and your eyes moved down.

Jin was sitting on the floor, with his legs stretched in front of him. Tears stained his cheeks, and he looked so broken it had a sob forming in your throat again.

You fell to your knees, right next to him, arms wrapping around his neck until you were holding him tight against you. His arms immediately circled your waist, pulling you closer as he buried his face in your neck. He let out a small broken sound as you cried against him and his own tears wet the fabric of your shirt as you kept holding on to him.

“Please don’t leave again”, you breathed against his neck.

“I was not going to leave again.” A sob fell from his mouth, and he held you even tighter. “I don’t want to leave again.”

You nodded against him, nuzzling your face in the warmth of his neck. You didn’t move for a time, as you both cried. Cried for your broken hearts and for the pain that you had put each other through. You weren’t quite sure you’d be able to forgive Jin, but you had to try.

It was all you could think of as you pulled away until you could gaze at his face. At the tears that were still rolling down his cheeks, and at his blood red eyes.

“Don’t cry”, you murmured, and your hands moved to his cheeks so you could dry the tears away.

He chuckled, resting his head against the wall behind him. “You’re crying too.”

“I’m going to kiss you”, you said, ignoring his comment.

You didn’t wait for him to reply before crashing your lips on his. He didn’t even seem startled, and his mouth started to move against yours immediately, right as one of his hands moved up your back until it found the hair at the back of your head. His fingers tangled in your hair right as he turned his head to the side to deepen the kiss.

You kissed him with everything you had in you. With all the pain, all the anger, and all the love that still remained, even after all the hardships. You kissed him as if it was your last day on Earth, until you weren’t quite sure you were breathing anymore. And maybe you had been right, because kissing him felt like it was killing you. Not in a bad way, no, in a way that was making you feel alive again. That made you feel as if you had died and reached heaven.

You’d be damned if you’d leave your heaven.

You ran a hand through his hair, undoing the perfect style, just so you could pull at the long strands a little. He answered by making you straddle him, and he grinded up into you once the moment your legs were on each side of his thighs. You started kissing again then, but it was different. Angrier. Hungrier. Needier.

You’d never get enough of him again.

The hand Jin had tangled in your hair moved down, until he was holding you by the nape of your neck, fingers grazing the side of your neck in that place he knew made you go crazy. You grinded your hips, instinctively, and he took that as a cue to move his hand to your throat, thumb digging on one side while the rest of his fingers pressed on the other side.

You moaned, a little breathlessly, and one of your hands found his neck too. You choked him, just like he was choking you, and he chuckled in the kiss.

“I missed you so much”, he said against your lips before pulling away. He rested his head against the wall once more, and his eyes fluttered open at the same time as yours did. Your grip on his throat relaxed, and your fingers moved until they were caressing his jaw, right as his hand moved back to your waist.

“I missed you too”, you murmured, and a fresh wave of hot tears rolled down your cheeks.

Jin immediately moved to wipe your cheeks dry, hands lingering on your face as he cupped it gently. Your gazes locked, and you just looked at each other for a time, as if time hadn’t torn you apart. As if you had caught up to him in the night that day and had kept him from leaving.

You wondered if you would be married now, had you found him. Had you begged him to stay. You doubted it. There was something different about Jin now, something more mature, something that worked better with what you wanted in a life partner. You had been able to see it all night in his willingness to help, in his wish to clean the dishes before you ate, in the way he had kept the atmosphere light even though it could have fallen into darkness with just a single faux pas.

And the way he was holding you now… it was reassurance. Reassurance that maybe, finally, your struggles had come to an end. That you had found your way back to the place you belonged, by his side. Not behind him, not in his past, but right beside him, with your heart forever beating in sync with his.

The thought had you starting to kiss him again. A sweet and slow kiss, one that did wonders to the organ in your chest. Telling it that everything was fine. That everything would be fine again. Your lips moved slowly together, as if you had all the time in the world. And maybe you did. Maybe now you did.

Jin’s hands fell from your face to your hips, holding you close as yours cupped his face to deepen the kiss. He sighed against you, thumbs running chaotic patterns on the fabric of your pants until they moved up a little to find your skin underneath your shirt. Your breath hitched in your throat, but then again you weren’t quite sure you were breathing at all when Jin was kissing you like that.

This moment made you aware of one thing; all the sleepless nights, all the heartaches, all of it had been worth it now that you knew you’d find your way back to him. And maybe it was too soon to believe that, but your soul felt at ease for the first time in too long. It rendered it hard to think coherent thoughts.

“Do you want to come home with me tonight?” Jin whispered against your lips when you pulled away.

It was all the confirmation you needed.

“Bring me home”, you agreed, resting your forehead against him. “And don’t ever leave again.” You saw his lips stretch in a lazy smile through your half-lidded eyes.

“I will never leave again, I promise”, he murmured.

It made you pull away, and your eyes met. His gaze was lit up from within, corners slightly crinkled from the happiness that was in his heart. You recognized that look and knew better than to shy away from it. You knew it was echoed in your own gaze.

It was a promise of a forever that had been out of reach for so long. A forever you had finally reached, a forever you’d never let slip through your fingers again.

*****

Jin lived at the highest level of a luxurious building that offered a view of Seoul in the night. The city sparkled with life, an ocean of stars that you found hard to look away from. Yet your eyes wandered to the space surrounding you seeing just how much it felt like him. It was simply decorated, with a few plants to bring life and colour to it. Jin’s proudest room was his gaming room, that he had lit up with LED lights and a neon sign from a game you didn’t know. It was a comfortable room with a couch against a wall in front of a large TV and a gaming set-up on the other side of the room. Bookshelves completed the decoration, with games and figurines littering the shelves, and the wide windows on the far wall showed that scenery you hadn’t been able to look away from since Jin had left to go to the bathroom.

You moved away from the window as you heard the familiar pattern of his steps walking back towards you, and he offered you a warm smile as he came into view.

“Why am I not surprised that you’ve wandered in here while I was gone?” he asked, as you both finished crossing the distance between each other.

You wrapped your arms around his waist resting your cheek against his chest as he hugged you closer, before leaving a small kiss on the top of your head.

“This room feels the most like you”, you breathed and his grip around you tightened a little.

“It’s my favourite room too.” He chuckled, and the sound reverberated where your ear touched his chest. “It’s every gamer’s dream.”

It made you laugh a little, as you pulled away to glance at your surroundings again. You hadn’t noticed before, but Jin owned many consoles too, a whole collection of them if you were being honest. From the first console he had probably played to the latest one that could be found on the market, Jin had everything one might dream to have.

“I can see that”, you said, and your eyes stopped on something that piqued your interest. “You have a VR console?” There was excitement in your voice, and Jin laughed again.

You were as cute as he remembered you to be.

“I do.” He looked at it, following your line of vision. “Do you want to try it?”

You pulled away from him to clap your hands excitedly. “Damn right I want to!”

He offered you one of his iconic laughs before moving towards the television to start setting up what was needed to play. You watched him do so, hands digging in your pocket as you rocked back and forth on your feet.

Once everything was ready, Jin handed you the whole thing, setting you up for a game of Beat Saber. The song started, and you rushed to move in the right way, failing after the first few seconds. Jin made fun of you, tickling you as you were unable to see him until you ended as a giggling mess on the floor, limbs entwined until you didn’t know who was who. It didn’t help that your eyes were still covered.

“Wait, stop it!” Jin said as you found his waist, digging your fingers in the tender skin.

You giggled but didn’t stop, up until he grabbed your two hands and put them over your head, before holding them into place with just one hand. He took off the VR headset, and his face came into view. His lips were parted, and your eyes dipped to them, unable to look away.

You had stopped crying a while ago, the high emotions finally leaving you, but to have him hovering over you like that brought you back to earlier, and tears threatened to fill your gaze again.

Jin seemed to notice, because he immediately bent down to press a chaste kiss to your forehead, before meeting your gaze again. His eyes were painted in a sweet light and for a moment you wanted to just grab him and bring him closer. But you didn’t move, and a sweet look took over your features. It didn’t go unnoticed to Jin and he smiled before pecking your lips once.

“My turn”, he said, and he pushed himself up before holding out a hand to help you get up too. He pulled you up to your feet, and you watched as he grabbed the VR headset to adjust it to himself.

“What makes you think you’re going to be any better?” you asked, hands once again finding their way to your pockets.

Only because you were resisting the urge to hold Jin close to you. You’d have plenty of time to hold him later.

Jin threw you a no-bullshit look, before hiding his beautiful eyes behind the VR headset. “Because you were literally trash.”

“You’re annoying, you know that?”

He laughed as you chuckled. “I would apologize but I’m about to literally beat your ass in the game, so…”

“Good luck with that.”

It was ominous, the way you said the words, and it didn’t go unnoticed to Jin. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing”, you replied, trying to instill as much innocence as you could in the small word.

Jin didn’t seem convinced, yet he still started a song. His movements were a lot more fluid than yours, as if he had learned the choreography a while ago and it was ingrained in his muscle memory. You let him play for a time, until you stood behind him. Far enough so he couldn’t tell you were there, but close enough for your treacherous hands to reach forward and tickle his sides.

He let out a loud screech, body flinging itself down as you held onto him, laughing heartily.

“I will kill you”, Jin threatened, and it only made your laugh double up, until you were on the floor next to him holding your stomach as your body shook.

Jin immediately attacked, Beat Sabers’ game long forgotten. His hands found your waist even as his eyes were still hidden behind the headset. And he tickled you hard, almost hard enough to hurt as you squealed and thrashed in his hold. He was far stronger than you and even as you grabbed his shoulders to push him away, Jin didn’t budge, tickling you until you started begging for mercy. He only then stopped, and your giggles slowly turned into heavy breathing as you tried to calm the wild beats of your heart.

Jin took off the headset, putting it down next to where he sat, before running a hand through his long-dishevelled hair. The gel he had used to style his hair earlier hadn’t held, but still he looked ethereal, like your brain was imagining him there.

To know he was as real as he would ever be had your heart constricting in your chest, so hard you sat up and grabbed his face to pull him into your embrace. He only slightly resisted, startled by your quick movements, but as soon as your lips found his, he relaxed in your arms, kissing you back with all the fire in his heart.

Jin tasted good. Like your favourite dessert after a long day. His hands roamed your body, pulling you closer until you were straddling him, as you held onto his shoulders for dear life. His lips were soft, like a flower’s petal, and they moved against yours hungrily, as if he couldn’t get enough of the taste of you. You let one of your hands wander up until it got lost in his long hair, with your fingers massaging his scalp the way you knew he liked.

The kiss was intense, with no place for breathing as you parted your lips and his tongue immediately darted forward, so your tongues were moving together. It made a small moan bubble up at the back of your throat, and Jin swallowed it as his grip on your waist tightened, fingers digging in the tender skin.

Right when you thought you would die from asphyxia, Jin pulled away, resting his forehead against yours. You breathed raggedly for a time, eyes closed as you basked in the proximity of him. Until he moved a little, and it had your conscience zeroing in on the spot where your body touched his, right between your legs. You forgot how to breathe for a moment then, as you instinctively grinded your hips on the length of the bulge in his pants.

His tight grip on your waist loosened up, hands falling to your hips so he could guide your movements. He made you grind on him again, as he pushed up a little, the glorious size of him pressing against your clothed self.

“Jin”, you breathed.

“I missed you so fucking much”, he replied and the end of his sentence was overshadowed by another small moan from you.

With lust clouding your mind, you found yourself unable to process if sleeping with Jin was a good idea. All you wanted was to feel him again, to hold him close until you’d be two moaning messes. From the way the bulge in his pants pressed against you, you knew he wanted the same thing. So, you captured his lips in another long kiss, teeth clashing together, and it was your turn to swallow the small breathy sound Jin let out.

When you pulled away, you opened your eyes, trying to find Jin’s gaze. His eyes remained stubbornly close, and you grabbed his cheeks, thumbs drawing circles on his skin.

“Please fuck me, Jin”, you whispered. His eyelids fluttered open, until your gaze found his dilated pupils. “Please fuck me like you never stopped loving me.”

His eyes went wide for half a second, before going dark with his lust for you. “I never stopped loving you”, he breathed, and it somehow sounded like a promise.

You didn’t have time to think more about it as he crashed his lips on yours again, sucking on your bottom lip until you let out a moan. Heat pooled at your core and you knew you were soaking up your panties by the seconds.

It wasn’t like you cared.

Jin moved, grabbing your back to hold you close before lying you on the floor, until he was hovering over you. You drank in the sight of him for a fraction of a second, but your eyelids shut tightly as he kissed you again. You ran a hand along his back as he nestled himself between your legs. He wrapped your legs around his waist before deciding better and hooking one on his arm until he had you spread wide open for him. He only then grinded into you again, hitting your clit in a way that had you see stars.

You pulled on his dress shirt, so it wasn’t tucked in his pants anymore allowing you free access to the warm skin of his back. You ran your nails on his skin, drawing shapes and lines for him to remember you, though you didn’t put a lot of pressure, not wanting to hurt him.

It didn’t matter that you knew Jin liked the pain. You didn’t feel like defiling his perfect skin just yet.

“Fuck”, Jin breathed in between two kisses. It made you smirk, only leading him to utter the small curse aloud again, right as he pulled away to take his shirt off.

Your eyes went down his frame, barely registering the chain around his neck. The sight of him was almost enough to make you go over the edge. Indeed, Jin had been working out, in the years you had spent apart. Body perfectly sculpted like he was a Greek sculpture, and you ran your hungry hands on the planes of him, fingers tracing his lines. He observed you, basking in the heat of your gaze on him, until he had enough and needed to feel your lips against his swollen ones again.

The kiss was short yet filled with desire and passion as Jin’s hands found their way to your breasts under your shirt. He squeezed them through your bra until he decided better and moved underneath that last bit of fabric, fingers tightening around your hardened nipples.

“Jin”, you breathed against his lips.

“Sit up”, he ordered as he kneeled between your legs. You obeyed, and he immediately took your shirt off before sliding his hands around your back so he could unhook your bra. It brought his neck close to your lips and you kissed at his skin, sucking on it just a little. Not enough to leave a mark, but enough to have him squirm between your legs.

You could tell Jin loved it as he arched his neck giving you a better access right as your bra came undone. You took that as a cue to reach up, hand wrapping around the perfect column of his throat, squeezing just enough to cut his access to air. You sucked on his neck again then, right on the spot you remembered he loved, and he let out a choked sound that you recognized as a moan.

When you let go of his neck, Jin took in a sharp inhale of air before letting out a small chuckle. It made you smile, and your gazes locked for a second.

“Let’s go to my room before things get out of hand”, Jin said, offering you a grin that made you think things were already out of hand.

You refrained from saying so, only nodding your head to him. And even though you thought it’d be awkward to be shirtless next to him again, his warm hand wrapping around yours as he helped you up eased your nerves. You followed him to his room, letting your eyes roam on the skin of his back, from his broad shoulders down to the small tattoo of a seven. The tattoo surprised you, its black ink a stark contrast with the pale skin. You had never seen it before, but its simple style and size fit Jin well, like it had always been meant to be there.

“You have a tattoo now?” you enquired.

He nodded, glancing at you over his shoulder as you walked in his bedroom. “We all got a seven, yeah.”

Right. A seven for the seven members of BTS. It was endearing, that they had all gotten it tattooed, and it made a warm smile move on your lips.

Jin’s bedroom was simple, decorated with light furniture and a plant in a corner. He had hung up a pale painting over the bed, one you had seen many times before in the apartment you had shared with him. To see it again felt strange for a time, as if you had come home to a home that was slightly different. As if things were a little out of place, yet fit the picture perfectly.

And that was what it was. You were coming home to a man that had changed in the years apart, yet his heart still beat for you. The love had remained while the hate you both had felt at the end of your relationship was long gone, replaced with nostalgia and regret.

But tonight wasn’t about regretting. Tonight was about finding each other again after way too long apart.

Jin led you to his bed, letting go of your hand as you sat so he could reach for condoms in his nightstand. You watched him do so, hands instinctively covering your breasts. Jin glanced at you, lips spreading in a smirk as he noticed you hiding from his eyes.

“Don’t hide, your body is as perfect as I remember it to be.”

The compliment brought a light flush to your cheeks, but your hands didn’t move. Jin tutted, before putting down the condom he had fished from a box on the nightstand. He then moved closer to you, grabbing your hands and pulling them away from your breasts.

“I want to see you”, he said, voice low and husky. “I haven’t been able to see you for too long and my imagination couldn’t compare.”

Simple words, treacherous words, that had even more heat pooling between your legs.

“Well then come in this bed with me and make me forget that we ever broke up.”

His smirk only widened and he motioned to the pillows. “Make some room for me.”

You obeyed, ever so the good girl when it came to Jin. He followed you as you moved until your back was against the pillows. He kneeled in front of you catching your lips in a long kiss as his hands moved on your body, caressing your breasts until your nipples were perked again.

“So pretty”, he whispered against your lips, before sitting back on his heels to look at you properly. “Always so fucking pretty.”

You blushed again, but didn’t have time to reply before he started undoing the button of your pants. You watched him do so, eyes following his every move, and you finally helped him take off your pants once he started tugging them down your thighs. Before he had a chance to settle between your legs again, you moved to his belt, pulling on it to indicate that you wanted it off.

“You’re so impatient.” Jin chuckled but started undoing his belt nonetheless.

“I haven’t fucked since before we broke up so yeah, I’m a little impatient.”

Jin stilled, eyes searching your face for yours. When your gazes locked, you noticed a dark light in his eyes. Regret, entwined with all the nostalgia you had been feeling since the night you had seen him at the gazebo.

“You… what?”

You shied away from the intensity of his gaze, eyes falling on the spot where his abs started on his torso. “I just couldn’t.” You bit at your lower lip before shrugging your shoulders. “It doesn’t really matter.”

Jin let go of his belt to grab your cheeks, forcing you to meet his gaze again. “It matters to me.” He looked between your two eyes, as if wanting to make sure you were listening to every word he was about to say. “It matters to me and I will take my time with you tonight. You deserve it. I don’t know if I deserve it, but fuck, you do.”

His words were almost enough to bring tears to your eyes, but you refused to let sadness overpower your senses again. You instead focused on every place where your body was touching Jin’s, and on the warmth that was radiating from him.

“I just want you”, you breathed, and Jin slowly nodded.

“Oh, you’ll have all of me, I promise.”

It meant more. You knew it meant more and only understood why when you noticed the chain around his neck. In all the previous heat, you hadn’t seen it, but the chain ended between his two pecks, with the ring you had given him when you had gotten engaged.

You looked down at your own chest, and at the chain you were also wearing. Chain that ended with your own ring.

You wondered if Jin had noticed before you. Because you were so used to wearing the necklace, never taking it off, that you didn’t even see it anymore. And you felt stupid, for not seeing it around Jin’s neck before. For not knowing that he too had kept the proof of your love close to his heart, where it deserved to be.

“All of you?” you asked.

“Forever.”

You would have cried had he not kissed you again. A sweet slow kiss that calmed the ache in your chest until all you knew was your desire for him. For his body and soul, for his heart and the smile he always offered you first thing in the morning. Even when the relationship had been bad, Jin had always found the time to smile at you when your eyes first fluttered open.

You had been a fool to let that go.

Jin deepened the kiss, tilting his head to the side, and your tongue darted out of your mouth to taste his lips again. He sighed, and one of his hands moved down your frame, caressing your sides until he found his way between your legs. His touch was light over your panties, yet your breath hitched in your throat and you pulled away to look at him.

“You’re drenched”, he said, and his eyes fell to where his hand was touching you.

He pressed down harder right on your clit and you let out a small moan.

“Just for you”, you breathed.

He smirked, before slapping your pussy. “Such a good fucking girl.”

And just like that the atmosphere returned to its previous heat, nostalgia and regret long forgotten as Jin pushed your panties aside so nothing stood between his digits and your pussy anymore. He rolled circles on your clit with two fingers, pressing down just the way you liked it, until you became a panting mess, pussy clenching around nothing. Only then did he let his fingers wander down, circling around your entrance before pushing one finger in.

You grabbed his shoulders, head throwing back as he curled his finger until it hit your g-spot. It had you see stars, and your pussy clenched around him.

“You’re so tight”, he breathed.

You nodded, eyes tightly shut, as he pushed a second finger in. He gave you a second to adjust, before starting to move, slowly, fingers pushing in and out of you. It made a squelching sound, from how wet you were, and it sounded pornographic. Felt pornographic too, as Jin locked his lips on a spot beneath your ear, sucking on the skin until he had drawn a hickey there. He only then started moving faster between your legs, and his thumb found your clit as your hand found his hair, pulling at it until he was looking at you.

You looked down at his lips and he seemed to get the clue, closing the space between you as he kissed you. And he kissed you hard, soft lips swallowing every moan that you let out as he fingered you, increasing the speed every now and then until you could feel an orgasm forming on the horizon of your desire. Your thighs clenched around his wrist as you moaned a little harder, and he used his other hand to push them open again.

He pulled away from the kiss then, to take one look at your writhing frame, and then he bent down between your thighs. His tongue darted out to replace his thumb on your clit and the feeling of it had your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“I’m going to come soon”, you said, last word turning into a moan as your pussy once again clenched around Jin’s fingers. He only started moving faster, as if he had kept the best for the last second before your orgasm would find you. And it did find you, right as he started sucking on your clit, tongue flicking it in time with his fingers.

You came hard, white light flashing into your vision as you were swallowed by the waves of pleasure. Jin rode you through your high, slowing down as it inched towards its end. When the last of it finally left you, his fingers pulled out, pushing in one final time before leaving you empty. He looked at you, waiting for your eyes to meet his. When you finally focused on his face, Jin pressed a chaste kiss on your forehead before moving to get up.

“Where are you going?” you asked.

He smirked. “Nowhere.” And as he said the word he finished taking off his pants and underwear, and they met the discarded clothes on the floor a second later.

Your eyes moved down to his dick that stood proudly against his lower stomach from how hard it was. It looked just as beautiful as you remembered, and just as big too. The head was red, violently so, as if it was about to burst and frankly, you were pretty sure Jin felt like that too. Like he was going to burst any minute now. And he winced as he put the condom on, as if it hurt him to do so, the friction teasing the sensitive organ.

You waited for him on the bed, watching him carefully, until he climbed back next to you. “On your stomach”, he ordered.

Once again, you obeyed him, turning around until you were lying on your stomach. Jin straddled you, his dick resting on your ass. He massaged your cheeks, before leaving a slap that had the skin tingle with welcomed pain.

“I missed this sight so fucking much, Y/n, you have no idea”, he said, voice so low you barely heard it. And then he was pulling away, his dick sliding against your ass until it found your entrance between your legs. “Let me know if I hurt you”, he gently said, and then he pushed forward, his dick penetrating you, stretching you open.

It burned and you clenched against him, hiding your face in the pillow.

“Are you okay?” Jin enquired, stopping halfway in.

You nodded, remaining silent as your hands held onto the covers of Jin’s bed. He still waited, giving you time to adjust before pushing in again, until all of him was embedded into you. He didn’t move for a long time then, eyes shut as he too took in the feeling of you. It was only when you moved your hips a little, telling him that you were ready that Jin started pulling out, only to push back in when only his tip was left inside of you.

You moaned, gripping the sheets harder, head turning so you could get a look of Jin’s face. His brows were knit together, lips parted as he fucked you slow, hands holding onto your hips. He caught your gaze, features relaxing ever so slightly. A wicked light moved in his eyes then, and he bent forward, the angle having him hit your g-spot each time he pushed in.

You breathed his name, and it sent all of his restraint down the drain as he started pounding into you, balls slapping against your clit with each move he made. It made you see stars, and your eyes shut as you let out a loud moan, right when his hand found your throat.

“Fuck”, you let out, and his fingers tightened around your throat, until the blood flow to your brain stopped and all your body could feel was the burning stretch of him inside of you. The deprivation of oxygen had your mouth falling open, and Jin moaned as you clenched against him hard before an orgasm hit you. He let go of your throat then, letting you breath as you moaned his name repeatedly. Your pussy clenched against him with each wave of your orgasm and soon enough Jin let out a grunt as his face fell on your shoulder, teeth digging into your skin as he came, releasing his load in the condom. You helped him through his high, moving your hips in time with his until he stopped moving altogether, teeth letting go of your skin. He kissed the spot he had bitten, before kissing the side of your face.

“I’m sorry”, he apologized.

Your eyes fluttered open, searching for his face. “What for?”

“I’m sorry I left”, he said, and there was a sudden tear rolling down his cheek. “And I’m sorry I only lasted a few minutes.”

You didn’t hear his second sentence, your whole world having stopped on the first one. “Don’t be. You came back.”

“I still love you so much”, he admitted. He pulled out of you, before lying down on the bed next to you. “I think I love you even more now.”

There were tears blurring your vision too as you turned on your side so you could face him. “I haven’t stopped loving you either.”

“Do you think we could work this time around?” he asked, vulnerability taking over his features.

And even though your mind was still clouded with the afterglow of the passion you had just shared, you knew the answer as if it was a rule of the universe.

“Yes, we can”, you said. “We can and we will.”

“You still want me?” He seemed as if he didn’t believe you, as if he thought he didn’t deserve you. You were pretty sure he felt like that, and as much as you had tried to hate him for so long, you hadn’t been able to. Jin had always been your one, and always would be.

“Forever, remember?”

*****

The rays of the sun twirled in the air from the window in the high ceiling forming a small rectangle of light on the floor. Your mind focused on it as all eyes followed your every move. You could barely see the plants decorating the venue even though you had spent hours choosing which ones you’d like. There was a small crack in the floor where the light hit it and you carefully avoided it as you walked forward with only the sound of your beating heart as music to accompany the march down the aisle.

You were pretty sure there was music playing, but all your senses had given up on you when you had seen Jin waiting for you at the end of the aisle. You couldn’t even feel the weight of your father’s hand on your arm, or the fabric of your dress brushing your skin.

No, all there was was the man you loved waiting for you at the end of the aisle.

You continued walking in sync with the beats of your heart. Jin had tears in his eyes and he wiped one of them from his cheek as you moved closer, gazes laced in an intimate embrace. It didn’t matter that your mother had invited a whole crowd to the wedding. It was like you and Jin were alone in your own little world.

It was perfect.

Your father gave you away to Jin, speaking words of tradition that you could barely hear as you watched Jin. He was beautiful today, with perfectly styled hair and bright eyes, Jin was the most beautiful man in the world. In your world. When it was time to turn towards the celebrant, Jin whispered ‘hi’ to you, and it was all you could do not to burst into tears right then and there.

Tears of joy, of course.

You said your vows, following a westernized version of a wedding, though you were to celebrate it in a more traditional way later today, with you changing in a hanbok along with Jin’s mother and your own. It was something you had always wanted; a modern wedding, completely separated from the traditional wedding your parents had wished you to have. Something so everyone would be pleased. And it wasn’t like the ceremonies were long; with everything going down perfectly, you knew you’d be out by the end of the afternoon.

You couldn’t wait for the evening. For this first evening as husband and wife and the honeymoon that Jin had planned for you both.

“I do”, Jin spoke the words, bringing you back to reality.

You repeated the words when you had to, before finishing the ceremony with a kiss that ended with you and Jin gazing at each other.

A promise of forever was lighting his eyes now. It had been lighting his eyes for the whole of your relationship if you were being honest. Even when things had been rough, Jin still had that light in his eyes. You had just become blind to it, mind closed off to the man you loved.

You would never let that happen again. And your relationship did work now. Smoothly and perfectly, as if you had never hit a bump in the road at all. You knew it’d stay that way forever. Because that was what Jin and you were. A representation of what forever meant. Love, in its purest form, knitting two hearts together until it was one, beating forever in unison.

Until death do us apart.

The ceremonies went well, families and friends smiling and shedding happy tears with you. The BTS boys sang a song for their older brother, one that had you cry from how much you loved them too. Your little brothers that you had finally found again after years apart. The reunion had taken place a few weeks before the wedding. It had been happy in a sad way, with you and Jungkook crying as you had hugged. Even Yoongi had shed a tear and you had held him a little longer while his girlfriend had offered you a sweet smile over his shoulder.

It was strange to see all of them with their significant others, yet it had filled you with pride. They had all grown up, had become men and adults, and even though you still remembered the days of their first dorm, of the fights and happy moments, you were glad that they had grown. That they’d keep growing in the arms of the person they loved.

After the ceremonies you made your way home with Jin. Hand in hand, souls entwined, you walked into the home you shared with him now. You had moved back in with Jin in the weeks following your reunion and had decided to get married as soon as possible, just waiting for a break in his schedule so you could take a few weeks off, just the two of you away from the rest of the world. Jin had planned to bring you to Jeju island and then you were supposed to go to Europe, road tripping the continent.

You were excited for the honeymoon, but you were mostly excited to spend some time alone with Jin. To spend the rest of your life by his side and to have children that you’d raise together. Knowing you were going to get to spend the rest of your life with him was the most beautiful feeling in this world.

“Wife”, Jin said as he held the door open for you.

You gazed at his lovesick eyes, “Husband.”

He grinned, warmth spreading in the air surrounding him. “Wife”, he repeated. He then chuckled, looking down at the floor. “I can’t believe I get to call you wife.”

You walked in, pulling him in behind you. “Can’t believe I get to call you husband.”

“Finally.” He winked at you, before pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

You kissed him back, hands running along his arms before they found the nape of his neck. Your fingers played with his hair, as his hands held your hips.

“Finally”, you agreed as you pulled away.

He pressed a kiss on your forehead as your eyes fluttered open.

“You are mine”, he breathed. “My wife.”

“My husband.”

“Forever?” His question held the world in it. As if it was more a statement than a question. As if he was asking the universe, and not you. Yet you knew the answer, knew he was your forever too.

“Forever.”

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Wow, I hope you loved it! a long read once again but it seems I can’t do anything else than that hahaha

Don’t hesitate to leave some reviews, it always helps me with writing!

If you want to read the other establishments in the Life Goes On series, just follow this link!

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foxymoxynoona · 3 months

Text

To Kill A King (Chapter 14)

Banner and linebreaks by the talented @awrkives

Summary: What’s more charming than Prince Seokjin? Nothing, obviously. Except maybe the rotating palace guests who each smile and bow and charm in an attempt to hide their true motives. Fortunately Seokjin has a close circle of friends (well, servants) who watch his back and endure his humor and help him navigate the tumultuous seas of heartbreak, love, and an arranged marriage, not necessarily in that order. If only they had helped him keep a closer eye on his bride-to-be’s handmaiden, who arrives with her own agenda… or maybe it would have been better if he had noticed her less? One thing is certain as this royal drama of the heart plays out: there are many people competing to kill a king.

Main Pairing: Prince Seokjin x Female OC Genre: Historical Fantasy World, political conspiracy, romance Rating: 18+ Content Warnings & story tags: includes explicit sex (mxf, fxf), possibly graphic violence/injury later, love and sex triangles or uh quadrangles?, sort of e 2 l, sort of bodyguard trope, sort of arranged marriage, a lot of plotting murder (it’s literally in the title), maybe character death, grief, pining, angst, love, oral (f & m receiving), public sex, I don’t know everything yet as the story is long and still being written

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NOTE: check out the Character & Setting Cheat Sheet for a refresher on who’s who

Old habits die hard. Though Dulce had shifted her purpose to finding some way to prove Nasimiyu and her father were planning to overthrow the Kim family –a thing she hadn’t the faintest idea how to accomplish– an opportunity presented itself in her quest for information that was simply too good to pass up. King Dong-gun quit the palace to go on another of those maniacal cave hunting expeditions, and took most of the palace with him, including Nasimiyu and that ice-cold uncle.

It had almost been funny, that brief moment in which Nasimiyu debated whether to take Dulce. Dulce was back on laundry duty –surprise, surprise– but was carting clean clothes up to the princess’ room. Nasimiyu called for something she could wear on a hunt, then informed Dulce they were going to the caves in the morning, then looked at her in silence for a long moment… before deciding Eula would go. Eula had cried about it all night because she was scared of caves and guns.

Mirta had given Dulce a day’s worth of tasks which she utterly ignored. Was Mirta going to fire her? That would suit her just fine; the only thing keeping her from quitting was needing time to find whatever she could take to Prince Seokjin or King Dong-gun.

As soon as Nasimiyu left for the hunting trip, Dulce ransacked her room. She put everything back so it wouldn’t be obvious, of course, but she dug through all the spaces she normally didn’t care about –the drawers in the writing desk, the false bottom of her jewelry box, the tiara box in the wardrobe that used to house a secret supply of snacks until Nasimiyu ate through them within days of arriving in Priva.

Rooting through the wardrobe made Dulce wonder if Nasimiyu would rat her out about killing the spying man at some point. She could. A princess’ word against a maids would result in nothing other than the death penalty for the maid. Nasimiyu could toss in that Dulce had threatened her about it. It didn’t even have to be true, Nasimiyu could say whatever she wanted and have Dulce’s head off in a moment. Rather than frighten her, this power disparity pissed Dulce off.

She clearly and obviously ought to leave immediately, before that could happen. What was holding Nasimiyu back from doing so this very day? She was clearly angry about Namjoon still, and hadn’t said a word to Dulce since she’d walked in on her and Prince Seokjin fucking. Was she waiting and hoping for Dulce to come groveling to her? Or just biding her time until she could surprise Dulce with an accusation and death?

It didn’t make any sense, and Dulce hated not knowing. She was too close to this one; she wouldn’t be able to leap away before Nasimiyu’s dagger plunged in.

She had to be fast. Faster than this.

But there was nothing incriminating to be found anywhere in Nasimiyu’s room. The letters from her mother were dull and saccharine. There were no letters from her father. She didn’t keep a diary, not even a fake, so there was nothing to betray her as a fiance either, no pining for Namjoon inked onto pages in her hand. Dulce had taught her too well, it seemed.

Dulce paid a visit to the old room Nasimiyu had stayed in, but there likely hadn’t been anything notable there either before it was wiped clean. Same for the rooms Prince Hamisi and Princess Simisola had lived in.

What was Dulce’s next step here? She felt hopelessly out of options. She could approach Prince Seokjin and just tell him… but why would he believe her against his own fiance? He wouldn’t. Dulce was just an out of favor maid. Well, she could tell him more than that if she was willing to sacrifice her own security…

But how did one prove they were an assassin hired to spy and assassinate you? She had no written orders. No secret society brand on her shoulder. No poisoned dagger bearing Prince Hamisi’s emblem or any of the other clues that led to the capture of the villains in the Kalamouche novels. The emblemed dagger in the most recent book she’d read had really done her in, it was nearly enough to make her laugh, it was such a stupid idea. What idiot gave an assassin a clear and obvious connection back to the purse-holder? Dulce had found herself wishing she could meet the author and give him a good thrashing and tell him to do better –nobles were absolute idiots but in a very different way than that. But it had then led to the mental play of Prince Seokjin meeting the author and probably being so exuberant and excited about it because he probably read these ideas and thought they were genius and it had ticked her off so much, this day dream, the fact that she was daydreaming about Prince Seokjin.

What was this man doing to her?! Why?! She had met so many men in her life and this one was… was ignorant and naive and too trusting and… honestly, a clown. And thoughtful and considerate and inappropriately chivalrous and unfortunately almost funny and generous and from what she could see, honest. If he was not honest, he had fooled her. Otherwise, he might be one of the only honest people she had ever met in her life. Everything about him seemed so sincere. Was that true? He did not seem to consider himself when he put himself forward to help someone –a maid who didn’t need rescuing, a crying child, a servant who was secretly his brother and an inherent threat to his throne.

Fuck that guy, he was messing with her head. She had to figure something out and then get the fuck out of here. She’d do her best to find some way to open his eyes to the dangers around him, but she couldn’t die for him. She needed to be gone before Nasimiyu figured it out. Possibly the only thing staying Nasimiyu’s hand right now was that she’d never directly caused someone’s death before. Could that be it? Was there some conscience after all beneath that ridiculous flower crown Prince Seokjin had given Nasimiyu for dinner last night?

She circled the palace trying to look like she had somewhere to be without actually having an aim. Prince Hamisi was too smart to leave anything incriminating in the Kim palace. Nasimiyu never had anything to leave around. She could try interrogating Nasimiyu’s guards or maids for anything but it would raise suspicion on herself unless she killed them afterwards, likely not get her anything, and another death around Nasimiyu would probably send the palace into another frenzy.

How ironic. Dulce was possibly the greatest threat to Nasimiyu, wasn’t she? It occurred to her that striking Nasimiyu down and lying in wait for Prince Hamisi to come running back would be the quickest way to ensure they couldn’t harm Prince Seokjin.

But actually killing Nasimiyu… It made Dulce’s stomach turn. She didn’t need to go that far right now. Dulce was efficient and purposeful, but she wasn’t wasteful. Death was inevitable, but that didn’t mean Dulce was eager to dole it out, not to someone she had so recently been so close to. Honestly, did Nasimiyu deserve to die? She shouldn’t be queen but..

Dulce was compromised. She was too sentimental. The objective truth was that no one person was worth more than the lives of dozens or hundreds of others, but right now Nasimiyu wasn’t a threat to dozens or even hundreds of people. If she died today, there would be a new and probably worse princess betrothed to the prince tomorrow. Nasimiyu was selfish and stubborn but supposedly had good intentions, so in a world where her rule wasn’t a threat to Seokjin’s life, Dulce would have left her alone.

“I have a packet for the King,” a deep voice said, traveling closer up the hallway.

Another voice scoffed, “And I told you, he is not in the palace today so you will have to wait or leave your missives with me.” Dulce recognized the voice of Han-gyeol Jung –that weasley old man constantly looking down his nose at young men and squinting like he could see through the dresses of young women. Allegedly he served as a ‘deportment’ tutor for Prince Seokjin but seemed to leave his more palatable son to do most of the actual refining work.

“I’m in a hurry,” the man said, which struck Dulce as odd. If you had things to deliver to the king, wasn’t that the most important thing you could do? Unless you were just impatient, but he didn’t sound impatient, he sounded… nervous. “They must be delivered directly to the King.”

When Lord Jung or whatever the fuck his proper title was refused to go and physically retrieve the King from the caves, the man snapped that he would try again tomorrow but he wasn’t spending a night here and stomped off. Dulce watched the elder Jung subtly around the corner. He looked completely unbothered by the man’s insistence, as if this sort of urgent entitled demand to see the king was a common occurrence. She found it more curious that he would act as a kind of butler or intermediary for the King in his absence rather than the Castellan or literally anyone else. It seemed outside of his job scope. But what did she know? Besides, most of those people had gone on the hunt.

He strode off to do another task. So the King must not be lying in wait expecting anything urgent, otherwise surely he would let his butler know to fetch him at once should a messenger arrive. Unless Han-gyeol Jung didn’t know anything either and had just unknowingly thwarted something actually very important

Dulce had nothing better to do though (what, maid chores?) and decided to follow the man with the message. He’d not gone far and anyway his steps were loud enough to easily find him, the idiot. She tailed him out of the palace and down into the city, right out the front doors. Nobody looked at him, and she supposed she struck the right balance of looking like a nobody maid that nobody bothered with her either. The man did keep looking anxious around himself but he clearly wasn’t worried about an innocent looking maid with her hair wrapped in a white kerchief the only time he might have seen her over his shoulder.

They moved further into the city. He seemed to know exactly where he was going, which made it easier to keep up with him because his movements were purposeful and obvious. They passed through a couple neighborhoods before he entered an unremarkable tavern, the Bear and Beer.

“Need a room?” the innkeeper asked as the man went straight to the counter.

“Yes, only the night. Middle of the row if you’ve got it,” he said, already dumping coin on the counter as though he knew the cost. They didn’t seem to know each other but he must have been here before; he didn’t wait for further instructions about how to reach “Room 4” before taking the key and heading up. Locking doors meant this was a nicer place, though Dulce could have guessed that from the quiet and decently clean downstairs. The innkeeper kept the keys on a loop that jangled at his hip, which would make it harder to get the spare for Room 4 that he surely kept.

“What about you, need a room?” he called, unfortunately spotting her right away.

Annoyed, she said she was hoping to meet someone and ordered a beer for while she waited. Since it was early in the day, she had her pick of tables where she could watch the few folks who came and went. No one looked suspicious, or even remarkably unsuspicious which could itself be suspicious. Those who came down looked like they’d had a late night to sleep off. Three went up during the time she watched –a maid with an armful of clean linens and a pair with a massive bag between them and the air of disappointment, whatever their business had been that morning.

This was stupid. She was wasting her time on what was likely one of a thousand people who tried to visit the king on any given day and were turned away, and for what reason, because she was bored and frustrated around the palace? She’d have as much luck finding something useful blindly wandering the streets.

She paid for her beer and headed for the door but felt the shuffle of movement close behind her. Turning, she caught only the back of a figure heading purposefully for the stairs as several other people moved around the room at once, getting up to refill mugs of beer or empty tables or step closer to the fire. All normal gestures, but Dulce felt as if the world had thawed quite suddenly, which struck her as odd. Not everyone seemed to be orchestrating something, but rather like something predictable had happened –the waitress had brought in a large tray of food– just as she had risen from the table and others had moved in synchrony too. Coincidence.

But the two people who slipped quickly up the stairs as if they did not wish to be seen felt more intentional. Like people trained to take advantage of a predicted moment of distraction.

Dulce strode forward and bumped into the waitress, who promptly toppled the whole tray onto the table. The patrons leapt up and the waitress leapt back and the innkeeper came running around from the bar squawking about the mess, shoving the waitress out of the way in his rush to apologize –which was just enough physical distraction for Dulce to unhook the ring of keys from his belt. It wasn’t even a twist latch! The fool.

She disappeared up the stairs in the chaos, shedding her cloak and the kerchief in the process, wrapping them into a bundle to mute the jingling of the remaining keys once she’d pulled off the one with the 4 scratched into it.

She put on her best oops wrong room face and rushed through door four… to be met with an empty room. The man had either left or met his fate, but it was definitely his pack still sitting on the bed. She frowned at the stillness and pulled her blade from her pocket, the little shitty one Nasimiyu had given her since it was the closet on hand. If she reached for her boot, he might rush out of the wardrobe or something.

He wasn’t there when she checked though, nor under the bed. Convinced she was alone, she promptly upended his bag. She shoved aside some light clothing, a miniscule bag of money, no more than a handful of jerky and a cheap necklace, and instead focused on the small leatherbound journal –oddly expensive compared to everything else– and a short stack of sealed envelopes. Everything else she shoved back inside, hoping it would buy her some time before the man realized he’d been robbed –of what was probably just a complaint about his neighbor. Dulce realized she was being very rash right now.

A noise in the hallway made her freeze, then leap into the wardrobe mere seconds before the door swung open again. In walked the man she had followed, pulling at his waistband as if he’d just pulled his pants up.

Well shit.

If he had any wits about him, he was going to check the wardrobe in a moment to make sure his room was secure and find her, and what was she going to do? If he was rotten folk, she could kill him and be on her way, but if he wasn’t, she’d rather knock him out.

He didn’t check the wardrobe yet. Instead he sat at the table and produced some cheese and a hunk of bread from his pocket. She held her breath, expecting he’d open his pack for the jerky and notice his precious papers were gone– but he didn’t.

Were people really such fools they didn’t check their rooms first?!

Dulce set the keys in the bottom of the wardrobe with her cloak, moving slowly and carefully so as not to produce even the faintest brushing sound. Then, by the light creeping in through the shoddy cabinetry, she eased open the seal on the first paper and did her best to read. The hand was scratchy and rushed, masculine she thought but couldn’t be sure –her own hand was masculine, she’d been told long ago, as if that mattered.

HD not in Sartia as directed – SD alone

HD crossed border near Ft Gaysa, could not follow, gone 3 days

HD headed north

Dulce’s brow knitted. How annoying to be simultaneously in code but not really. Per request sure sounded like this man had been sent somewhere, to trail this HD to Sartia–

Hamisi Dabo. Dulce was no font of knowledge on famous or infamous persons, but Prince Hamisi had been headed to Sartia with his wife, Simisola Dabo. People were stupid and often the most obvious answer was right.

Her heart leapt into her throat. Was this important? That Prince Hamisi had lied about going to Sartia? What was at Ft Gaysa? If that wasn’t notable, the fact he had crossed the border down there sure was; no one was allowed to cross the southern Therepin border, it would nullify the very precarious treaty after the Therepin Border Wars.

She shoved the note down the front of her dress, blood pounding in her ears as she carefully opened the next. It was in a different hand and dated separately, sealed differently, as if the letters had been sent by two different people completely which left her unsure how they had both wound up with this man.

Summary report on investigation into recent Therepin skirmishes. Full reports arriving separately

1: No witnesses survived. Entire village dead and burned. Civilian deaths: 76.

2: Reliable eyewitness reports invasion of village at dawn. Military arrived 22 minutes later. Military deaths: 1, Assailants: 14 reported - bodies burned could not verify, Citizens: 7.

3: Eyewitness claims assailants came around from the north not south!!! Military arrived in 11 minutes. Military death: 1, Assailants: 13 - bodies burned could not verify, Citizens: 18.

4: Two witnesses survived by hiding under floorboards, have gone missing since interview. Claimed to have heard assailants speak of belonging to Sons of Sunset. Military deaths: 0, Assailants: 32 reported - 3 bodies produced, rest burned could not verify; Civilian deaths: 49 + assuming 2 witnesses

Dulce’s mind was racing. These reports were exactly what she was looking for! Proof that Hamisi was up to something. He shouldn’t be crossing the border, and if the Sons of Sunset were attacking towns and blaming another country, the king needed to know!

But maybe he already knew? She couldn’t tell from just these notes if the King was investigating Prince Hamisi on his own, or if he was just looking into the skirmishes, or what. She knew the royal family had a network of spies, though they tended to be clumsy and easy to identify. This man seemed excessively clumsy though to be carrying such precious documents only to leave them unattended in his room for even a moment. He must not know what he had.

Damn she wished she knew more about what was going on at the border for the notes to make more sense. Namjoon had ranted within earshot at some point but she wasn’t very political and had ignored him. Nonetheless, she would now make sure these landed in the King’s hand directly.

The third didn’t have a seal. Just a dashed, unsigned note on a thin slip of paper.

Delso dead. I’m followed. Take this copy in case I’m done. Watch your back cmdr dsk on the move hunting for squeakers

Cmdr Dsk… Commander Dong-suk Kim? These things weren’t even in code! Any good spy knew the point of code! Though she considered that if the point was to get this information to the King, maybe code wasn’t useful. After all, she was not part of his spy network but understood at least some of the message that needed to make it to the king. It wasn’t actually in the King’s interest for these things to be secret, it was only in the interest of the messengers themselves but by the point someone was reading them, you were likely already dead–

A knock at the door to the room made her head jolt up as quickly as this messenger’s. He rose slowly from the table at another knock. He took a step forward and drew his blade at an even harder knock, nearly enough to take the door off its hinges.

The man started to run for the window, but the act of grabbing his pack from the bed was too slow –he ought to have grabbed and run first, the fool! And he paid dearly for it as the door crashed in, the lock shattering right out of the doorframe as one of the suspicious men she’d seen slide upstairs earlier launched himself through.

A thrown dagger caught the messenger in the back of the neck and he toppled forward, metal protruding through the front. Still his body dragged him forward but there was no fight for life possible and by the time the large man carelessly ripped the bag from his shoulder, he was still and limp.

“Is it the right room this time?” a second voice demanded. He elbowed the door back into place after a peek down the hallway. “You sure it’s him?”

“This is the guy.”

“--Is what you said about the other.”

Dulce waited, calculating. If they’d made short work of someone in another room without even her hearing, they were a trifle better at their jobs than this careless messenger. She could remain hidden and hope they left, but only an idiot wouldn’t check the fucking wardrobe.

Two to one… she’d faced worse odds. All three notes carefully down her bodice, she eased her favorite dagger from under her skirt, touched the one in her boot to make sure it was at hand, took a deep breath, then launched herself from the cabinet.

They’d upended the backpack and the bigger man’s wrist tangled in the straps, which slowed him down enough for Dulce’s blade to slash his upper arm. His other first swung around and would probably have knocked her out cold if she hadn’t ducked just as the smaller man’s blade sliced at her back. Fabric caught and tore thanks to a hook on the tip of his blade that would do even nastier things to skin if she let it, but also presented a weakness. She tried to catch her blade in it to yank it away but misjudged the angle once, twice, three times; their blades struck and slid against each other, the metal grating noise making her skin crawl. It was too much thinking and not enough movement to keep her out of reach of the second man who wasn’t that bothered after all by his cut arm: he plucked her around the waist and threw her against the wall like a rag doll.

“Quiet,” the small man hissed at him after the thud. Dulce groaned and rolled onto her stomach, wheezing. But she’d managed to save some of the breath in her lungs by curling as she flew, and took advantage of their assumption she’d be down. She dragged herself deceptively slowly forward and when the smaller man lifted a leather boot to kick her, she stabbed her smaller blade right down into the toe of his boot as hard as she could. Those fine leather boots of his parted like butter; the toes she stabbed through put up more resistance. He yowled.

“Quiet!” the bigger man mocked and lifted Dulce from the ground by the torn back of her dress, his other blade already slicing at her middle as if to gut her. She slashed at his wrist with the second knife. He tried to knock it away, opening himself up to a straight stab to the gut with the blade from her boot, and another and another. Her blade sank in several inches each time, blood rushing out as she pulled it out, but nowhere deep enough to hit anything vital.

“Fucking whore!” he bellowed and dropped her just as the other man stabbed forward. They weren’t well coordinated and managed to knock into each other while she ducked down and spun away. It only saved her a moment though before both were on her again, small blades biting anywhere they reached. The room’s space was too tight to really maneuver away and they shoved furniture, blundered into the walls, tripped over the body of the messenger, crashed against the bed.

“Just grab her!” the smaller man shouted. Dulce instinctively leapt away from the larger man as his fist clipped the back of her head, but maybe intentionally so, it had been a distraction and the smaller man slashed at her throat, just missing. Dulce struck back but another blow to her back pushed her right into the man’s blade; she knocked it away from her belly but he brought a second around to stab at her back. She slammed her foot onto his thigh and jumped high so that his blade sliced the side of her leg instead, tangling in her ridiculous skirt and tearing fabric and skin both. She returned the favor against the man’s face, an attempt to kill him that sadly missed.

Dulce felt a meaty hand grab the front of her dress and turn her for what was undoubtedly a death blow. She turned faster than the larger man expected and wrapped around him, the strings of her bodice ripping and tangling around his hand as she slid onto his back, her blade dragging across his throat like a caress. It was butchery; she couldn’t risk her cut being too shallow again. He threw himself backwards to avoid the depth, crushing her against the dresser as his blood fountained out and his body began to thrash in in a fit of primal survival. It took all the muscles of her arm to tear that pipe. She managed to slide away from him, diving after the other man who seemed monentarily shocked that she’d managed to down his companion –but not shocked enough to meet the same fate.

He leapt towards her as the other man still flailed, blade extended. Dulce tripped on the dead messenger and it saved her skin; neither she nor the smaller man expected her to drop just then. She rolled around him instead and stabbed at his thigh; the blade sank in but her fingers were locked too tight so when he leapt away it jerked her along too, exposing her side. Her skirt twisted around her leg and later she’d curse herself for wearing such a stupid thing. He took the opportunity, blade going right for her ribs. Her turn dragged it instead across the tops of her breasts, a shallow slice that stung like a bitch. the other side of her torn bodice caught the actual hook of his blade. She stabbed in the direction of his arm.

He surprised her, shoving his hand down the front of her chemise. She thought he was stabbing and tried to twist away.

Instead he pulled out the notes she’d tucked, dashed with her blood and sweat and crumbled beyond belief. He flashed her a grin and was out the window in a heartbeat, unbothered by the knife she threw at his back. Dulce tried to stumble after him, to follow him out, but her legs refused and she merely crawled forward. By the time she reached the, he was long gone and she was alone in the bloodied, broken room with two corpses, the larger one still blinking and gasping but beyond consciousness.

Dulce panted for breath and felt herself, searching for anything fatal. It had all happened so fast. Bruises and cuts she hadn’t noted in the moment competed for attention but adrenaline kept her from surrendering to any of it just yet.

The notes were gone.

Fuck!

That’s what they’d been looking for.

She didn’t have time to think about it right now. They’d been noisy; any moment someone was going to crash through the broken door and she couldn’t be here. She refused to take the fall for whatever she had stumbled into.

Fuck, the notes were gone. It killed her. They were exactly what she had needed! She didn’t want to leave empty handed but pounding steps in the hall told her she had seconds to act. She grabbed the messenger’s coat he had previously hung on the chair and yanked it on over her torn clothes and with her braid tucked down, pulled his hat on low, and rushed towards the door.

“Hey! What’s going on in there!! Open up!” the inn keeper or someone matching his anger shouted ahead of themself, storming down the hall. Dulce weighed her options. She could rush out but didn’t know how many people were there. The other man had gone out the window, so there was a way. He might be waiting but it was her best change.

She grabbed her favorite blade and leapt onto the windowsill, eying the likeliest path he had taken.

Shake all you want, but you’re moving on, she told her legs and took the leap. It was a tight scrabble. Her fingers ached for purchase. She shimmied along the narrow ledge until she reached the lower roof, then tore over it before anyone from the ground would hopefully notice her. The stables on the other side had enough boxes to leap down like a cat and off she raced as soon as her boots touched ground. Some globs of blood dotted the hay-strew ground; she’d got the man good at least once and wished now she’d at least had a good look at his face. She would never recognize him in a room and that pissed her off. He might recognize her.

She noticed the gasps and curious, nervous glances as she sprinted down the street until she knew her legs really were about to buckle. Then she slid into an alley, turned the coat inside out, and did her best to piece herself back together.

In doing so, she discovered she still had one paper: HD not in Sartia as directed – SD alone

Useless on its own.

Now what to fucking do. She was injured, unclear how badly. She knew she looked awful and would raise too many questions if she limped into the palace like that, but where else did she have to go? She didn’t even have the money for a room to wash her face in.

Taehyung or Yoongi? Which could she get to without being seen? Which did she trust to help and not question? What a loss that Nasimiyu couldn’t shield her now.

Neither, she didn’t trust anyone. Ever. People were only loyal as long as it served them. No oath in the world was sacred, even one of love, and they had sworn her nothing.

But she had no other options.

She took her bet and set off, already crafting her story.

“Come on,” Drin cajoled, jostling Seokjin’s arm in the hallway. “You can’t avoid the hunt.”

“I’m not avoiding anything,” Seokjin lied, lied as big and strong as the angry surf that had crashed against the sea wall all night. It called to him, that sea. Only slightly in a macabre way –and not because of the wedding planning, that was fine. He wasn’t avoiding wedding planning. Why would he be avoiding wedding planning? Nor was he avoiding his uncle, as Drin now gracefully hinted it:

“You’re either avoiding your uncle or the caves but either way, you’re fucked. Your father has sent for you. A tummyache ain’t a good reason to skip the hunt.”

“Actually I find it a very good reason,” Seokjin quipped. “Would he have me shit my horse?”

“You can’t blame a stomach to avoid uncomfortable things, little prince. Turn right around and suit up for the hunt. Wear a baby’s swaddle to hold the shit, if you need to.”

“Does no one take me seriously?”

“We know you’ve a history of avoiding–”

“I’m not avoiding anything, except maybe the kitchen.”

Because god save him if he ran into Dulce there. Not after Dulce had walked in on him… with Nasimiyu… A cold shudder ran through his body, followed by the flush of a fever of mortification. It would have been bad for anyone to walk in –didn’t anyone fucking knock?! But of all people, for it to be Dulce, it just…

He wanted to scream. To cry. To throw up. He’d done none of those things. He had quickly dressed and fled to his room and taken a hot bath to wash the sex off and considered drowning himself more than once. For all he knew, his dick had shriveled into his body and would never emerge. Certainly he was never going to have sex again. He was private about sex, thank you very much, so for an unwelcome guest to intrude–

And for it to be Dulce– on or around her birthday, of all times!

Seokjin was not easy to embarrass. But this had done it. And, with little practice in recovering from an embarrassment he rarely felt, he was, in fact, hiding from a maid. Utter shock had emboldened him to hastily scribble the note with the book and send Jimin to deliver it to wherever Dulce slept and now his interactions with her were done and he would never look her in the eye again. Which meant avoiding any of the places they might ever run into each other, including but not limited to: the kitchen where she went for food, the yard where she sometimes passed by, any of the hallways near Nasimiyu’s room, and possibly the queen’s garden where she seemed to appreciate the flowers. He wondered if Nasimiyu would be willing to come to his room from now on… assuming this hadn’t just rendered him impotent for life.

Honestly wandering into a bullet’s path in the caves seemed like not the worst way to go right now.

Because in truth Seokjin also knew he could not avoid Dulce forever, particularly if she remained Nasimiyu’s maid.

He felt like he’d assaulted Dulce. His note wasn’t enough. He didn’t know what else to do. He’d never been in the wrong in this way towards a woman before! And she might be around any corner in this palace, ready to turn to look right through him with those dark eyes that looked so warm behind a mug of hot chocolate. The whole thing was ghastly. How his father had allegedly carried on orgies in the dining hall was beyond Seokjin. Would it have been less devastating if it was someone else? He decided not to answer that, even to himself.

“Is Nasimiyu really going?” Seokjin asked Jimin over his shoulder. “Who’s she taking with her?” The question probably said too much but Jimin was sworn to loyalty and wouldn’t rat him out, even if he figured out the question behind Seokjin’s question. Which he probably did, seeing as Seokjin had told him what happened and had him deliver the book.

“She is, Sir, and expects you are too. She’s not taking any of her maids.”

That was good enough for Seokjin.

“Fine, I’ll go,” Seokjin said to Drin.

“What now, really?”

“I’ll go change.”

“No, you’re off to hide. You’re dressed fine, just take your jacket off. A fight doesn’t always wait for the prince go get changed into clothes he doesn’t mind bloodying!” Drin barked, and clapped Seokjin on the shoulder. He seemed shockingly sober, likely a result of Uncle Dong-suk’s arrival. The two had served together when they were younger, as peers. But Dong-suk was royal and rose to commander and Drin shattered his arm and decided to train the prince instead of remain on the battlefield. Dong-suk was of the mindset you should die on the battlefield instead of “give in to disability,” which Seokjin thought was rich to say when you had no such injury. As if being the private arms tutor to the prince was a mark of weakness!

“Why are you so eager?” Seokjin demanded, already regretting it. “We aren’t fighting, we’re hunting.”

“Is it different?” Drin cryptically asked and strode ahead, trusting Seokjin to follow to the courtyard where the hunting party gathered.

“Did you really think you could avoid the hunt?” Jungkook asked, sidling up to Seokjin’s elbow as the prince dragged his feet but followed his trainer. Seokjin gave him a look, because obviously yes, he did and would have, even if it meant lying to his father and uncle that he was shitting his brains out. But also no, he had known he couldn’t, because Nasimiyu was going and he couldn’t leave her to hunt alone. Why had she decided to go?! It was that bit of information from Jimin that had dragged Seokjin from his hiding place.

She sat atop her horse with only two of her guards at hand. Taehyung wasn’t far off, a horse lead in each hand, though he looked confused. Seokjin assumed it was concern over whether Seokjin would show and went right to him, hairs on the back of his neck prickling as his father and uncle no doubt noted his late arrival.

“I’m to go with you,” Taehyung said quietly.

“You? Why, you’re a stable boy,” Seokjin scoffed for any who might hear.

“I don’t know, your uncle said so.”

Seokjin glanced over at the two elder Kim men now. Uncle Dong-suk didn’t hide that he was watching.

“Do you think he–” Taehyung broke off and looked away, poorly hiding his nerves.

Seokjin slapped a hand on Taehyung’s shoulder and announced loudly, “Congratulations on winning the honor of joining us on the hunt! Every month we’ll take along someone new from the household staff so that you may all experience the wonder and prestige of spending a day skulking around in the dark, looking for things to kill that aren’t even good to eat. You’ll ride with me today, aren’t you lucky?”

“So lucky,” Taehyung murmured. “Here’s your horse…” He glanced at the path down to the hunting caves as if considering whether he ought to just set out for Paloma now. Seokjin thought he should. This did seem suspicious, for Dong-suk to take any notice of Taehyung. He had visited Priva a couple times since Seokjin brought Taehyung to live here and never even looked at the stablehand, but Seokjin had always assumed his uncle knew and didn’t give a shit, as he didn’t have a direct descendent in line for the throne anyway. Nothing changed for Dong-suk if it was Seokjin’s ass on the throne someday or Taehyung’s.

But this was a change. Either he hadn’t know before and now did, or he was trying to make a point that something had changed now, and Seokjin didn’t like it either way.

“Lady,” he called to Nasimiyu as he mounted his horse, one last prayer of bailing. “Are you well today?”

Nasimiyu’s brow knit as she demanded, clearly offended, “I am, why do you ask?”

“Are you sure this is how you want to spend a day? We might do… anything else your heart desires. Literally anything.”

“Oh there are Lord Jothi and Lord Theo, should we ride with them again?” Nasimiyu asked. “I do hope you’re able to catch something this time.”

“I caught your heart last time, can’t imagine what greater prize there exists then–”

“Let’s ride!” Seokjin’s father called as if recognizing his son was still trying to weasel out of this. The two dozen mounts in the courtyard moved as one, Taehyung rushing to swing into his saddle and pulling into line next to Jungkook in Seokjin’s wake.

Conversation with Nasimiyu ran dry during the ride down. She didn’t seem much inclined to talk, giving him the suspicion he’d done something to anger her, but he couldn’t fix it because he didn’t know what. She hadn’t seemed angry at dinner last night.

“You decided to hunt alone?” he asked as they waited for servants to bring them weapons.

“I have my guards and you. Who else would I want?” Nasimiyu asked with what he thought might be feigned confusion.

“Last time you brought a couple of maids, didn’t you?”

“Yes and they all begged not to come again.” She said it so casually, Seokjin had no reason not to believe her. With any luck, Dulce was avoiding him the same way, and they would never cross paths again despite living in the same palace.

Yay?

Once in the grand entrance cave, Jungkook pulled his horse close to Seokjin and leaned as near he could to murmur, “It’s going to be impossible to keep an eye on Taehyung and you at the same time.”

Seokjin knew he was right. This was the easiest place in the world to kill someone. He’d always thought how stupid that man who’d tried to assassinate him had been, sending a pig to do it, when one could just do it from a ledge or around a corner and no one would ever catch you. It was a wonder more people weren’t killed here –though he had his suspicions that the dark rumors his great-grandfather had hunted men down here for sport might be very true. He suspected Grandfather had too, though the old bastard had died when Seokjin was young enough to not remember much about him except his ice-cold hands.

“Watch him closer,” Seokjin told Jungkook.

“Than–”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine. That’s your order.”

“Ok…” Jungkook said as he leaned back in his saddle. He didn’t look pleased about this but he’d never disobeyed an order before.

“I mean it. Jimin will watch after me,” Seokjin said, turning to his right-hand man.

Jimin let out a guffaw and asked, “Did you just assign me bodyguard status? You must be joking, haha.” He hesitated to accept the gun handed to him by a staff of the hunt before taking it with a look of disgust.

Nasimiyu, having heard some bits of this, asked, “Is there a problem? Why is your butler being a bodyguard?”

“It’s just a joke,” Seokjin assured her. “Are we ready? Let’s get a head start.”

“Don’t we have to wait for your father to–”

“I’m the prince so I’ll do as I please,” he said, full of shallow bravado. “Besides, I don’t want to ride with Theo and Jothi again. They were flirting with you last time.”

Nasimiyu looked surprisingly thrilled as she argued, “No they weren’t… were they? I don’t think so…”

“Eager to lead the charge, my son?” Dong-gun called, giving his horse a swift kick to catch up before Seokjin’s party made it through the first cave. Dong-suk pulled up beside his elder brother and Seokjin bit back his frustration.

Instead he teased, “Shall we make a competition of it, father?”

“I’d rather watch your technique and see the catch myself,” Dong-suk interjected, which was of course exactly the opposite of what Seokjin wanted. Did his uncle mean to shoot Taehyung himself?! He brought no guards, only the servant assigned to fetch his kills trotting along beside him, looking terrified by his assignment as if he too realized how disposable he was as a witness.

“Well you shall… certainly be in awe…” Seokjin stammered out as Drin too pulled forward.

“A full party, eh? Just like old times,” he beamed at Dong-suk. Dong-suk did not beam back. “He’s made good progress in arms since you were here last but his sharpshooting is second to none. Fantastic aim, that one’s got.”

Dong-gun clapped his hands and pulled his horse ahead, taking an uncontested lead that Seokjin had no choice at the moment but to follow –with every intention of carving Taehyung and Nasimiyu off to get “lost” down a side cave at the first chance.

Dong-gun and Dong-suk weren’t going to make it easy. They led them, practically boxed them in, down the central corridor, right past all the twisty windy smaller paths that would have made it easier to “take a wrong turn.” No one dared rush past them, so they were the first to enter the grand central cavern with its massive forest and craggy peak –not too dissimilar from the cavern he’d explored with Nasimiyu and Dulce and those bratty upstarts last time, so that an average person might think they were the same place. That was the danger with this place, it was a death trap if you didn’t have a good guide.

Dong-gun and Dong-suk wasted no time along the way shooting anything that moved, no hesitation. Despite his uncle’s constant criticism of Priva and its excesses, he loved the hunt. It was about the only time he saw his uncle smile, just a tight-lipped slant when a deathcry followed the crack of his rifle. He scowled when Dong-gun would get one first, their array of servants running to and fro in the dark with low lanterns trying to find whatever they’d felled or take the long way round to chase what lay strewn against the far cliffs.

“They’re going to shoot someone,” Nasimiyu gasped as a goat went stock still in the distance, illuminated by those shimmering blue lights overhead, then collapsed not too far off from a game master who raised his hands in a silent plea not to be shot next.

Seokjin’s father heard her and scoffed, “Never, Princess. You doubt our aim?”

In one swift motion he’d turned his rifle towards Taehyung on his horse and fired, knocking Taehyung’s hat clean off. A pinch from taking Taehyung’s head with it, most likely.

Taehyung didn’t scream, just tightened his hold on his horse as it took a couple nervous steps.

Seokjin screamed loud enough for both of them. He shouted, “Ah ya, what’s that!? You take aim at our staff guest? Are you confused, old man? Aim your gun that way!” His heart pounded in his chest, his fear urging him to take flight and trust Taehyung to follow and get away from this place. He’d brought his only living brother into a deathtrap, that’s what he’d just done. Was their own father the threat, not Dong-suk? Seokjin was shocked by what had just happened.

His father laughed and pointed out, “See? Horse or man, Privan stallions are made of stern stuff.”

Nasimiyu’s horror showed on her face and Seokjin was glad his father couldn’t see it, afraid it would only encourage him.

“Onwards,” Seokjin gritted out and pulled his horse forward, nudging Taehyung to ride beside him, against the wall.

Seokjin fucking hated it here.

It wasn’t long before Nasimiyu nudged her horse up beside him, forcing Taehyung to fall back, which was probably for the best anyway.

“Shoot something,” she hissed at him.

“What?”

“We’re here to hunt, so hunt, or they’re going to be shooting at you next,” she whispered harshly. “The whole thing is a test, isn’t it? Your uncle is watching you so do something!”

Seokjin didn’t know how to explain a lifetime of misery and fear of his uncle to her. He didn’t think she’d be impressed anyway. What was he going to tell her, that anything more intelligent than a fish he found nauseating to kill? It wasn’t like they were killing to eat out of necessity down here. The game alway tasted like rocks.

He was glad she realized there were politics going on but disappointed she wanted him to play into them, even though he recognized she was probably right.

Drin was right that his aim was good; if he aimed true, he could fell something quickly, appease his father and uncle, impress his bride-to-be, and maybe protect Taehyung in case that had been meant as some kind of weird show of power.

“Very well,” he murmured. “Yes, it’s about time I show off my marksmanship.” He took his time loading his gun as their horses dawdled after the others. He looked around for something inoffensive to murder, but the blue lights gave everything the same unearthly glow and made it hard to distinguish a mouse from a monkey in the trees. He looked at the ridge instead, and in doing so noted a something-or-other silhouetted against the stream trickling through the center of this stretch of cavern.

“Perfect shot, I should think,” Dong-suk mused from ahead, his horse blocking the path for everyone. His gaze tore into Seokjin, digging in deep, finding him lacking as always.

Seokjin raised his gun and aimed. It didn’t matter what it was at this point, he didn’t have a way out without further ridicule. His brother’s life might be in danger. He had to pull the trigger.

He hesitated.

A crack erupted, bouncing around them, echoing in Seokjin’s ears. The black lump slipped from the tree branch. Seokjin wanted to do the same from his horse but remained frozen.

“Fantastic shot, my son!” Dong-gun cheered. “Go fetch it, whatever it was. An owl?”

“I hope not…” Seokjin joked vaguely, and resisted looking except out of his periphery at Taehyung shoving the smoking barrel of his gun out of view under the pretense he was looking down the barrel still trying to find something to shoot.

“That was a great shot, Your Highness,” he called over his shoulder to Seokjin.

“Marvelous,” Nasimiyu agreed. She gave him a smirk, leaving him unsure if she had been fooled or not.

“Hm,” his uncle said. Seokjin doubted he was fooled but either way, didn’t say anything.

It was a kestrel. Beautiful. Seokjin hadn’t even actually killed it and still looked away.

They rode on, into a smaller cave called The Aviary thanks to the hundreds of birds that roosted in the trees that grew up and the vines that dangled down and the clear space in between.

“Can’t miss in here,” Dong-gun called back. “Want a go, Princess? I think your rifle’s still cold.”

“Of course!” she called back. “I’ve just been watching to learn the layout of the caves.” Seokjin started to tell her she didn’t have to –he’d take the attention away– but Nasimiyu lifted her rifle and fired once– twice– nothing. She handed it to her servant to reload, hand waving for them to hurry. Seokjin didn’t think she’d aimed at anything and decided she must be firing wide.

Except her next shot connected. Seokjin didn’t see what it was as he had been watching her face, but the cheer went up, he heard the broken cry behind him, and he saw Nasimiyu’s face –shocked, horrified, for only a moment, and then triumphant. Had she had a change of heart or pulled on a mask?

The bird was brought to her, a beautiful yellow-feathered song bird that draped across her hands, a bright messy red spot on its stomach where her bullet had punctured and killed. She stared at it and then at Seokjin, like she wasn’t sure what to do with this.

“What is it?”

“We call them Sun Singers,” Seokjin told her. “They sing every morning when the sun rises but not down here. They can’t see the sun so they never sing.” Do you understand how fucking sad that is? He was afraid she wouldn’t get it. He felt an innate certainty Dulce would.

“My lady, do you wish to have it stuffed?” the servant asked her.

Her face flickered with emotions he couldn’t name as she asked, “Can it not be eaten?”

“No, they only sing, they aren’t good for eating.”

“Take it away,” she said, thrusting it back at the servant. Dong-gun and Dong-suk had both brought down geese and Taehyung a duck. Rifle cracks left and right made Seokjin flinch. And the niggling worry in his stomach that his uncle knew he’d faked the shot earlier. He felt his uncle’s eyes on him even when they weren’t, the man sitting proudly on his horse obnoxiously nearby, in between Drin and Taehyung. Shit, he didn’t want his uncle anywhere near Taehyung!

In a hurry to cause a commotion and separate them, Seokjin raised his rifle. He’d shoot a bird, a duck if he could manage it, and invite his uncle over to inspect the bird and feel his warm rifle for proof he’d shot it, and then growl at Jungkook and Jimin to bookend Taehyung and not leave his side until they got out of this place.

There, a bird perfectly arching into view. Seokjin aimed, calculated, and pulled the trigger.

No one would be able to say whether it was the shot that spooked the horse or not, except that Jungkook would swear the horse jumped before the shot and Seokjin believed him because Privan horses didn’t spook. It was too quick. He was certain there had been nothing even close to his line of firing at the moment he pulled the trigger and yet suddenly there was Drin, nearly taking a bullet through the head.

This time Seokjin didn’t scream, just dropped from his horse and ran over as Drin did the same, slapping at his head like a bee had stung him.

“Damn horse!” Drin shouted.

Seokjin grabbed his arms but Drin shoved him away in his startle, leaving a bloody handprint on Seokjin’s arm.

I’ve killed him. I’ve fucking killed him.

“Your head’s still on,” Dong-suk called, his voice cutting through the chaos. Seokjin reached for Drin again but Dong-gun took hold of him first and shone a light to the back of Drin’s head where the bullet had grazed but not penetrated. A red line across his scalp wept blood.

“I… I’m sorry…” Seokjin stammered, stumbling backwards.

Suddenly Drin laughed and gestured at Dong-suk, “That’s right, old man. I told you he’s got a good aim, eh? Bends bullets in mid-flight. Could have blown my head off thanks to that damn horse startling!”

But it didn’t make sense. Seokjin was too horrified to figure out what would. All he knew was that he’d almost killed his arms master, one of his friends. He didn’t know how he would have dealt with that. He couldn’t comprehend it.

Drin planted a shaking hand on Seokjin’s shoulder and laughed, “Good one, Sir. Think I’ll head back and get my rock stitched up now, no more hunting competition from me today!”

“I’ll go back with you,” Seokjin insisted.

“Nah, don’t bother. Still need to get your duck for dinner like you vowed!”

A crack over their heads echoed, followed shortly by the thump of a carcass hitting the path not far off. Taehyung lowered his smoking gun.

“I saved you the trouble, Your Highness,” Taehyung said to Seokjin, his brow lowered and serious. “There’s a duck for you.”

Uncle Dong-suk slid from the horse himself to pick it up and mused, “Nice shot, boy.”

“Great. That’s the end of the day for me. Nasimiyu, will you accompany me back to the palace as well? You come too, my horse will only settle for you,” Seokjin rattled off, calling his people to him, prepared for his father and uncle to protest his rapid departure. But terror strengthened his blood to iron and he would have shouted down his own father to get out of there

He’d almost killed Drin.

By the time he was in his saddle, Dong-gun and Dong-suk were laughing at these “children with their brief stamina” and venturing further into the cave.

“I’ll lead us out,” he said. “Drin, are you able to stay horsed?”

“It’s not that bloody bad, nothing a stiff drink won’t pull me through,” the man insisted, sounding more like himself as he fished a flask out of his saddlebag. He needed help getting back into his saddle after the servants finished tying the makeshift bandage around his head, but once there seemed stable enough.

“Do you know the way out?” Nasimiyu asked. She’d been quiet for a while. Seokjin had forgotten all about her, to be honest. What would she make of this? But it almost seemed like she’d missed it all; she kept glancing at the game bag attached to her saddle. She reached out and pushed the golden feathers peeking out deeper into the sack.

“I do,” Seokjin said simply and pulled his horse ahead.

It wasn’t until they were safely in the sunny courtyard, Drin off to the hands of the palace doctors, that Jungkook came right to Seokjin’s side and said quietly, “The horse jumped before the gunshot.”

“I almost killed him,” Seokjin rushed out, grabbing Jungkook’s arm. He felt less steady now than he had in the cave.

“It wouldn’t have been your fault. I’m telling you, the horse jumped at nothing.”

“I don’t think it was nothing,” Taehyung argued. “But whatever he did, I couldn’t see it clearly.”

“Who?” Seokjin asked even though he already knew the answer.

“Your uncle. Had to be him, but I couldn’t see it…”

“There were other servants around and it was dark,” Jimin pointed out. “Could have been someone else.”

“Why would anyone else give Drin’s horse a kick? Everyone around here likes Drin,” Jungkook argued.

It was Taehyung who swallowed and suggested, “Maybe they didn’t mean to kick his horse. Maybe it was supposed to be mine.”

The suggestion made Seokjin feel even clammier than he already did. As bad as it would have been to kill his swordsmaster, to kill Taehyung would be worse. He wasn’t sure he could live with it. He didn’t even want to kill a duck.

Seokjin didn’t know what to do about any of this. He didn’t want Taehyung to go, but clearly he wasn’t safe right now. If Dong-suk wanted him dead, nowhere would be safe though.

“Jungkook, stay with Taehyung. I’m going to my room so I don’t need a guard. Taehyung you should… pack.”

Taehyung’s face shifted quickly into complaint, as if he hadn’t just faced his own death once or possibly twice.

“But I can’t leave yet.”

“Or die? You have to go if I have to wrap you in a carpet and toss you on a ship myself.” He paused, watching Nasimiyu speaking to the servant near her own horse, gesturing with disdain at the game bag the servant kept trying to press on her.

Taehyung stomped off without further comment but clearly pissed. As if Seokjin wanted him to go! He couldn’t put into words how much he wanted Taehyung to stay here. He’d never been good at expressing brotherly devotion of any sort, and Seok-ho was the brother he’d been with for most of his life, but Taehyung must know that Seokjin cared very much for him! They would always be brothers, even if they couldn’t be in the same city, at least for now.

Nasimiyu was gone. Seokjin was glad. He didn’t feel like facing her right now either. He wished he could just disappear. Even his bedroom wasn’t far remote enough, but it’s the only place he had, and so he went.

Nasimiyu bit back her sigh when the summons from Lady Zselyke came. The summons. Obviously it wasn’t worded quite as such but the intention was clear, and for now she had to endure it because until she actually wed Seokjin, the two of them were in an odd inversion of their proper roles. Lady Zselyke was the only female member of the Kim family, and older, and clearly extending her hand in an attempt to be some sort of mentor.

Annoying.

Nasimiyu had begged off the last invitation(s), and planned to do so again, claiming exhaustion from the hunt that morning. A week wouldn’t have been enough time to recover from all that and it had only been a few hours.

But the invitation had included a warning that the party was at risk, and anyway what else was she going to do, pace her room and try to get that dead bird out of her mind? How stupid to be bothered by a dead bird. Not that she thought the bird was the worst part of it, but that was the ghost her mind chose to haunt her with in every still moment right now, rather than the almost two deaths she had witnessed, one at her own fiance’s hand and the other by her father-in-law’s atrocious bravado.

So she went. Lady Zselyke wanted to discuss some of the details of the wedding party –unavoidable. The wedding itself was being carefully managed by the planner, but the party afterwards was supposed to be planned by Nasimiyu as a first show of her critically important role… as the royal party planner.

Annoying.

Nasimiyu put herself into a dress that already had a tricky seam on the verge of ripping, intentionally, so she could do so after an acceptable period of time and excuse herself to have it fixed. That was something Dulce had taught her early on –Nasimiyu could recall it in vivid detail: shortly after they’d finished fucking, Dulce had gone to get her trousers and a heavy ball had fallen out of her pocket and emitted a horrible stench that drove them both coughing from the room. A literal stink bomb. Laughing, Dulce had explained one should always plan an exit, though it was regrettable, she had not intended to use it with Nasimiyu. At least not that day.

Always plan your exit.

Even from an romantic entanglement?, Nasimiyu had teased.

Always.

Nasimiyu frowned at the maid who stepped ahead to open the door of Lady Zselyke’s parlor. Babs. She had Babs, hated that name, hated how overly eager the woman was to do the things Nasimiyu wanted ahead of her even asking. She didn’t like maids who acted like she was a cruel or unfair mistress when she really tried not to be unreasonable. She tried to treat them kindly. For example, when they had all looked horrified about who she would take on the hunt with her since it wasn’t going to be Dulce, she’d decided to take none of them. Kindness! It wasn’t like she wanted to be there either, but she needed the respect of the king and that nightmare military brother of his.

Anyway she had strongly believed Seokjin would beg off anyway and then she would decline the invitation without him… but he’d bloody gone! And shot nothing and nearly killed someone. What sort of man took credit for a stablehand’s shot? Not that she was going to point that out in the moment.

ANNOYING.

Nasimiyu sat across from Lady Zselyke in the elegant, tastefully decorated parlor. So much of the palace was ostentatious but these rooms were slightly less so.

“Did you decorate in here?” Nasimiyu asked when Lady Zselyke had said nothing, only watched with her hands folded, clearly waiting for something.

“I did.”

“Did you decorate the rest of the palace?”

Lady Zselyke’s lips gave a tight tremble before she answered, “Some… it’s largely set by the late Queen’s tastes and the King’s though, and the King requires me to uphold it.”

“That’s a shame. You have lovely taste,” Nasimiyu said. Then, realizing it would be easy to read an insult to her royal in-laws from what she’d said, she appended, “I just mean–”

“You don’t have to excuse flattery towards me. I appreciate a discerning eye. The Queen had other interests. The King has other talents.” She said it in such a coy way that Nasimiyu wanted to recoil from; it sounded sexual. As far as she knew, there was no sex between these cousins, but the gutcheck made her tread a bit more cautiously. She wondered what Dulce would make of that idea…

“Well soon it will be yours to redecorate the palace as you like,” Lady Zselyke mused, looking around her room as though trying to picture it with Nasimiyu’s style. “Will you make it look very different, do you think?”

“Do you mean like home? It would take a monumental effort to make this Privan palace look Marvonese.”

“You will have all the money and workers you could hope for at your disposal. You could make this palace look exactly like… there.” The word sounded loaded, like a single syllable conveyed all Lady Zselyke had to say about Marvonese style. In short, she didn’t like it.

Nasimiyu felt insulted and said archly, “It ought to reflect the convergence of mine and Seokjin’s styles, don’t you think? Where is it you spent your childhood, Lady Zselyke? I don’t think it was here, was it?”

“Sartia.”

“Is that what this style is? I’ve never been to Sartia.”

“I don’t think it would be to your liking, since you don’t like the sea.”

Nasimiyu found it interesting Zselyke knew that about her. She had certainly never admitted that to anyone except Dulce. It made her wonder if Dulce and Zselyke had gotten close. She certainly didn’t know everything Dulce had gotten up to. She couldn’t be trusted after all; maybe she was fucking the king’s cousin to get information, who even knew with that girl anymore?

“Sugar?” Lady Zselyke offered

“No, thank you. The tea here is already so sweet,” Nasimiyu quickly intervened, reaching for the tea cup Lady Zselyke had poured.

“You don’t like sweet things?”

“Not particularly, no.”

“The world runs on sweet things,” Lady Zselyke said, which Nasimiyu didn’t even pretend to understand. Her face must have shown it, because Zselyke clarified, “Any party must have sweet things. The nobles here prefer them. If you mean not to have sweets…”

Nasimiyu’s nose crinkled before she decided, “Why don’t you just choose the sweets for the wedding party then. That’s what we’re here to talk about, right?”

“Yes, we need to, I’m afraid we’re woefully behind schedule, especially if you have any grand ambitions.”

“I really don’t.”

“You should.”

“I’ll be honest, Lady Zselyke, I love attending parties, but I do not love planning them,” Nasimiyu said because she might as well be upfront about it.

Lady Zselyke looked aghast and argued, “You must learn to love it then, because it will be the most important thing you do as queen.”

“I hope that’s not true.”

“The delicate balance of maintaining power by managing the nobles– do you think Seokjin will do that?!” Zselyke screeched at her.

“He’s… charming, isn’t it?” Nasimiyu tried. She had not expected this cousin to shout at her and it caught her off-guard.

“Charming my left foot!” In her anger, she yanked up the teapot and refilled Nasimiyu’s empty cup and seemed to have forgotten Nasimiyu didn’t like sugar because she spooned some right in as she continued to berate, “Do you mean to say you won’t learn these skills and plan to let the social structure of the palace just die? The nobles here expect a certain schedule of entertainment! When important guests arrive from other places, they must be tended to! They–”

“It’s not that I don’t recognize how important it is,” Nasimiyu assured her, lifting her cup. Her own mother had certainly never yelled like this and she didn’t know what to do about it. It ought to fill her with rage but she was genuinely just stupefied. “I just don’t…”

“Like it?!

“Well no, not the planning part. I don’t have any talent for it and you do. Do you like doing it?”

“It is one of the most sacred tasks I’ve had since coming to the palace after the late Queen passed. Her taste in decor may have been questionable but she threw marvelous parties and I knew I needed to carefully maintain that so that her death wouldn’t pitch the nobility and thus the country into absolute chaos.”

“Well if you like it and you’re good at it, why don’t you keep doing it?”

Lady Zselyke’s brow knitted as she explained, “Because I will not be here.”

“Why not?” Nasimiyu set the tea cup down without sipping it, intending to ask for a new one without sugar.

“Because… because you will be queen and not want an older woman here interfering with your work…” Lady Zselyke had stopped yelling and suddenly looked uncertain. “You did not know I would be sent away?”

“Who would send you away? Not I.” Nasimiyu did her best to look sincere about it. Honestly she had no love for this stuffy older woman but it hadn’t occurred to her that Zselyke would be gone. She saw at once how dismal it would be to take on the things Zselyke already managed. Dreary enough that enduring her was likely worth it. Besides, she managed Dong-gun and Seokjin to a degree, and even Dong-suk. She knew a great deal. Maybe it was at least worth keeping her around until they were gone. Nasimiyu couldn’t see Zselyke supporting her as queen if the Kim men were dead, and she might not want that, but… she might. Zselyke might do it, if she didn’t think Nasimiyu had any hands in the deaths. Regardless of her personal feelings about Zselyke, she knew things, she seemed actually quite good at what she did. That could be useful.

Lady Zselyke was watching her with unmasked confusion now and clarified, “You would not make me leave? Queen Soon-hee did the moment she married Dong-gun.”

“Why?”

“Well, that… that’s not something I can know…” she instantly fumbled out, clearly hiding some truth or at least suspicion. “It’s tradition, though. A queen mother will be sent to retire in Sartia and I am almost like a queen mother.” As soon as she said it, she looked like she regretted it.

Nasimiyu grinned. She felt like she had just found a very pretty knife.

“I think you are too,” she agreed. “In a good way. I can’t imagine running this palace without you, it never occurred to me I would need to. I don’t want to. I refuse.”

Zselyke’s light skin turned a fascinating shade of pink, like she’d sat in the sun too long.

“Oh! But…”

“Maybe if the King retires at some point to someplace nice like Sartia, you would want to go with him, but I expect he will remain on the throne for a long time even once Seokjin and I marry.”

“Yes, you won’t be queen but you’ll be the crown princess which is the same thing in the absence of a queen,” Zselyke countered.

“I don’t think tradition should dictate what we do when it’s not… convenient. I don’t see why you should be sent away or robbed of the duties you enjoy just because I’m here.” She mindlessly picked up the teacup again. “I can easily see a world where you maintain your status here and oversee the things you care so much about and are recognized and appreciated for it, which frees me up to attend to the things I care about –like supporting Seokjin, for instance. Raising his children.” She suspected Zselyke would struggle to accept an ambitious political princess just yet.

“He does need a great deal of support,” Lady Zselyke said slowly. “The kingly duties don’t come naturally to him…”

Nasimiyu smiled and nodded, agreeing, “He can learn with a wife nudging him along, and King Dong-gun can rest easier seeing his son take his future role more seriously.”

“Two women have never run the palace together before,” Zselyke said. Her words seemed to be poking at Nasimiyu, trying to find a lie or a threat.

“Women in Marvono know how to work together and rely on each other. I very much want to rely on you, Lady Zselyke. I wouldn’t dream of replacing you. Your balls would be a crucial loss to Priva!”

“I…” Lady Zselyke blinked rapidly at her, heavily stained eyelashes leaving residue on the tops of her cheeks. Clearly none of this had occurred to her.

“Together we can keep the Kim line respectable and strong, don’t you think?” Nasimiyu suggested as her finishing move. She lifted her tea cup to take a dramatic sip.

“Oh dear!” Lady Zselyke gasped, lunging forward. “You don’t like sugar! I put sugar in there! Let me trade that for you.” She wrenched the cup out of Nasimiyu’s hand in the blink of an eye and set it hastily on another saucer. “I think eventually you will need to take over these things from me… but maybe not… and in the meantime you can learn from me. It doesn’t seem you’ve been trained in any of these types of things. Things must be done very differently in Marvono…” She sloshed a little tea out of the cup in her haste to pour Nasimiyu a new one.

The door flung open before Nasimiyu could respond and in strode Mindeulle. Nasimiyu did not miss the way Lady Zselyke’s face hardened, despite Mindeulle’s bright smile and polite curtsy.

“I’m so sorry to intrude, but I’ve been looking for the Princess. Might I have a word?”

“Why don’t you join us?” Lady Zselyke offered instead. “We need to discuss wedding plans and then you can have her.”

“It will only take me a moment.”

“It can wait, I’m sure. Have a seat.” There was an edge to Lady Zselyke’s words that got Mindeulle to promptly do so. “Sugar?”

“No thank you,” Mindeulle muttered as Lady Zselyke poured her a cup. Servants fluttered in at a snap of her finger to refill the pot, which was getting low. Flowers and leaves danced inside the glass pot, briefly mesmerizing Nasimiyu.

“We are discussing Nasimiyu’s elaborate wedding party and what will best capture the deep love she and Seokjin share.”

Do we? was on the tip of Nasimiyu’s tongue. She didn’t say it, but Mindeulle gave her an amused smile as if she had, which gave her a start.

“I’m sure it’s going to be beautiful,” Mindeulle said.

“The wedding of a century,” Zselyke agreed. Nasimiyu did not understand why Zselyke sounded so defensive about it, unless this was just her enthusiasm about remaining here as a royal party planner showing through. “Seokjin has told me to spare no expense, he wants the world to understand how deep his love and devotion to his bride are.”

“That’s lovely,” Mindeulle said.

“It is,” Zselyke agreed.

The fact they hated each other seemed very obvious to Nasimiyu and now it was her turn to smile. If they both remained in the palace with her after she married, that would be perfect. The two of them hating each other would make them eager to be her most trusted and relied upon, and she could trust they would never join forces to work against her.

It amused her to watch them politely bicker as more details of the party were discussed; Mindeulle seemed just as eager for it to be perfect and her own suggestions seemed to rile Lady Zselyke into even grander plans. Nasimiyu would have been happy to eat her olive and thyme biscuits and let them have at it and giggle through whatever resulting wedding party they planned but the door opened again and in came Lidmila.

“It’s a regular party isn’t it? I didn’t plan for this,” Lady Zselyke murmured as Lidmila curtsied and sat in the final chair at the table without being asked.

“I apologize for my unexpected arrival. My parents are here but I wanted to find the Princess for company instead. Is it all right if I join?”

“Yes yes of course. What business do your parents have here?”

“I don’t know, to be honest. Something with the tax collector or the city planner?”

“That seems like business for your father, not your mother,” Lady Zselyke said.

“Sometimes my mother helps with those things, I think…”

Lady Zselyke shook her head at this and sighed, “It’s quite a business, being a wife.”

“Have you never regretted not marrying?” Mindeulle asked, a twinkle coming to her eye that hooked Nasimiyu’s attention.

“Heavens, no! Of course it’s a high calling to be a wife, however…” Lady Zselyke looked embarrassed by her answer and like she wasn’t sure how to respond. “I’m sure you will all make good little wives. My hands are quite full supporting the King.”

Honestly, did she hear herself? Probably Dulce could find out in an instant what the real relationship was there but Nasimiyu was not sure she wanted to know.

“But what will you do once Nasimiyu is queen?” Mindeulle asked. “You won’t be needed here anymore.”

“Actually I’ve asked Lady Zselyke to stay and support just the way she does now,” Nasimiyu quickly interjected.

Lady Zselyke gave Mindeulle a smirk and agreed, “Of course I have accepted. Nasimiyu recognizes the value of this work and her own untrained skill for it so it will be an honor.” She dumped a spoonful of sugar in Mindeulle’s drink and poured more black for Nasimiyu. Lidmila had not yet touched the cup on her saucer, Nasimiyu’s discarded sugared tea from earlier, now gone cold.

“Oh, I don’t like sugar in my tea,” Mindeulle said. “May I have a different glass?”

“Dear, I forgot. Well it’s only a little bit of sugar,” Lady Zselyke dismissed.

“I’m sure we can get a new tea cup,” Nasimiyu laughed.

“I don’t mind sugar and I didn’t add any to mine. Why don’t we trade, Mindeulle? It’s a little cold though,” Lidmila suggested, passing hers across the table.

“Don’t be silly, that’s a perfect way to get sick.” Zselyke tutted and blocked the pass with her hand, nudging both cups back towards their original owners. Nasimiyu could not make sense of such crazy behavior but thought it was rather funny. Lidmila and Mindeulle seemed briefly mystified and set their cups back in their sauces.

“I’m not very thirsty. I’ll have a cookie instead,” Mindeulle decided. She nudged her tea setting closer to Lady Zselyke to make room for a plate, helping herself to several different pastries from the trays in the center.

“I’ve had enough tea and I can assure you I’m not ill,” Nasimiyu offered, pushing her cup closer to Mindeulle. “I’ve taken no sugar so you can have my cup.”

“Oh, there’s sugar in mine after all,” Lidmila realized, looking into her cup.

“Have you tasted it?” Lady Zselyke asked her, her voice rising so abruptly in pitch it startled them all. She pounded her chest and couch delicately into a napkin. “Did you like the tea? How much did you try?”

“I haven’t yet. Is it very special? Is it better to taste it without sugar then?” Lidmila considered.

Lady Zselyke nodded and reached for the cup, insisting, “Yes, you’ll like it better without. That’s the Princess’ old cup. We’ll get you a fresh cup.”

“I do like sugar and sweet things though, is it bitter? I don’t mind that it’s cold for a first taste so it won’t burn my tongue.”

“Try it without,” Lady Zselyke insisted, snatching the tea cup away from her. She went to set it on her own saucer but paused, hand hovering over hers and Mindeulle’s cups now right next to each other.

Nasimiyu laughed, “It’s like a game. I’m not sure which is yours anymore, they’re all mixed up. It doesn’t matter though does it? I’m sure we’re all healthy here and close companions can share a tea cup.” She hoped it would encourage a sort of bond between the group to begin forming. Lady Zselyke was older but not old. It would be good to have some close companions who weren’t all younger than herself. She could learn to like Zselyke, probably.

“Oh nonsense, we don’t have to go so far as trading tea cups,” Zselyke immediately intervened. “We need another setting!” she called to the servants with a clap of her hands. “Take these three away,” she commanded. “And bring a fresh bowl of sugar, Miss Lidmila likes her tea sweet.”

Lidmila giggled and pointed to the full sugar bowl, insisting, “I don’t need more than that in my tea!”

“If you like sweet things, I think raw sugar will taste better than this refined stuff,” Lady Zselyke told her. “Minor details matter. A subtle change can have a great impact, it’s an important lesson for young ladies.”

“My brother says the same thing,” Mindeulle chirped.

Lady Zselyke looked down her nose at Mindeulle and insisted, “I don’t think we need to talk about your brother’s words to young ladies. There is more to discuss than men.”

Nasimiyu reached out to grab Mindeulle’s hand, fully expecting her to launch from the table. She did not, just stared at Zselyke so blankly that it felt menacing.

“Like Nasimiyu’s wedding! Oh, but that’s to a man…” Lidmila mused with a thoughtful frown. It was endearing. Nasimiyu found herself chuckling under her breath. Honestly she would have expected to find someone with Lidmila’s innocence obnoxious, but it was actually refreshing to be around someone so sincere and good-intentioned. Nasimiyu wasn’t used to those sorts of people. Lidmila might be one of the only truly good people she had ever met. Simple, but good.

Mindeulle must be on that list too, though the sharpness of her mind as she gradually revealed it made her seem less doe-eyed about the world. She too had that air of enthusiasm as she pressed Lady Zselyke on what else she was thinking of for Nasimiyu’s wedding, and if she intended to plan the honeymoon too. There was an edge to her Nasimiyu liked a lot.

“What do you mean by that? Of course I will, if you’d like me to, Nasimiyu darling.”

“You suggested Sartia before–”

“But you don’t like the sea, so… hm, I will think on it,” Zselyke said.

“You don’t like the sea?” Mindeulle and Lidmila both parroted.

“It’s all right. Maybe I should take Seokjin to Marvono instead…”

“Maybe you’d like Therepin more,” Mindeulle suggested. “It has the elegance and beauty and splendor of Sartia, but no seas.”

Zselyke looked repulsed and gasped, “Therepin is no place for a honeymoon!”

“Why, because you don’t like the government there? I’ve never honeymooned but I don’t think government is very involved…” Mindeulle tittered. Lidmila’s face opened up in surprised laughter and Zselyke seemed angry. “None of us have honeymooned, maybe we should ask someone else to plan it.”

“I am quite capable!” Zselyke scowled. “Less taunting me and more eating, girls, it’s important to keep our strength up until supper.”

“But our figures…” Lidmila pointed out.

Zselyke gave her a gentle smile and assured her, “You have nothing to worry about. And Therepin adheres to no such beauty standards, so Mindeulle’s prospects won’t be upset by some extra padding.”

“Not that I care about my weight, but why would I look for a husband in Therepin?” Mindeulle countered.

Nasimiyu ate her cookies and felt like this was all rather a lot of fun, watching the back and forth. Dulce would hate this, but she found it amusing.

“I suppose your brother and parents will, regardless.”

“They take into account my wishes. They’ll let me choose the partner I want.”

“Will they?” Zselyke pressed and it seemed so pointed, Nasimiyu could tell she must know something and be taunting Mindeulle with it. She wanted to know too –not to taunt, but just to know.

“What does that mean?” Nasimiyu intervened as Mindeulle looked troubled. “Do you have a personal tragedy, Mindeulle? You don’t need to say at the table but if you’d like to talk in private– if there’s anything I can do to aid you–”

Mindeulle pressed a hand to her flushed cheek and insisted, “No, Princess, there’s nothing. Lady Zselyke only speaks in riddles to make it sound like she knows more than she does.”

“Didn’t you come here to find a husband? To Priva, I mean?” Lidmila suggested, perhaps in an attempt to help. “There are so many men here who I’m sure would be honored by your attention.”

“I came with my brother,” Mindeulle said simply, even though Nasimiyu vaguely thought she’d heard Mindeulle mention before she wanted to marry here and remain. Hadn’t that been a hope she had for the ball? She couldn’t recall clearly now.

“Well you certainly aren’t going to find a husband spending all your time with your brother and Seokjin,” Lady Zselyke scoffed. “They are related and taken. I suspect your parents will call you home soon for a match.”

“Not if I don’t wish to marry,” Mindeulle countered. “You have never married, Lady Zselyke, and you spoke moments ago about it as a burden. Surely you had your reasons?”

Lady Zselyke filled their tea cups and said airly, “I did. There are many types of love which are worthy of a life’s devotion. Your devotion to the prince is admirable but inappropriate now that he will have a wife.”

“I–!” Mindeulle gasped. She looked quickly to Nasimiyu and insisted, “It’s not that, I promise. He is like a brother to me!”

“I know that,” Nasimiyu assured her. For all she knew, Mindeulle did have a crush on Seokjin, but it failed to trigger any jealousy in Nasimiyu. There didn’t seem to be anything adult about it if it was there, more like childish admiration. She hadn’t witnessed a single ambitious attempt, nor did Seokjin act any way towards her but brotherly. “I’m sure Lady Zselyke didn’t mean to be a gossip,” Nasimiyu admonished, arching her eyebrow at the older woman smirking to herself as she served Mindeulle more tea.

“Oh yes, I meant nothing by it, except that with men, you can never be too careful. You will have to curb your closeness with him so that it doesn’t cause… problems,” Zselyke scolded as she dumped a heaping spoonful of sugar thoughtlessly into Mindeulle’s tea. “I’m sorry I ruffled your feathers. Have some tea and settle down about it, have another pastry.”

“You’ve put sugar in it again,” Nasimiyu said, deftly reaching for Mindeulle’s tea cup and handing over her own. “Mine has none, we can trade.”

“You don’t like sweet things,” Mindeulle said. Nasimiyu found herself surprised each time the people around her knew things about her she had not explicitly told them. It made her feel very special and admired and flattered her into insisting,

“It’s not a hard rule. My lips are plenty puckered by now, some sweet on my tongue may be a relief.”

“No, the tea is much better without that refined stuff–” Lady Zselyke said, rising from her seat and reaching for Nasimiyu’s cup.

Lidmila suddenly kicked the table hard and cried out, “Ah! My ankle got caught in my skirt and I’ve hit my shin…”

The flurry of commotion was all startling enough that Nasimiyu put her cup down, laughing, “Is there alcohol in the tea? Why is everyone so clumsy suddenly?”

“There is certainly nothing like that in the tea,” Zselyke sniffed. “But if you tire of it, I can bring coffee or wine or juice or–”

“Nothing else, thank you,” Nasimiyu dismissed.

“She’s right that the raw sugar is better though,” Lidmila said, still rubbing her leg beneath the table as she lifted her saucer and passed it over. “Let’s trade.”

“I really don’t mind.”

“You are going to be queen, Nasimiyu, you should let those around you take care of simple things,” Mindeulle insisted. So Nasimiyu was shamed into trading teacups with Lidmila, who looked adorably proud to have made the swap and settled herself with the apparently less-desirable white sugared tea.

However before she could even have a sip, Lady Zselyke reached for a pastry but her dragging sleeve managed to upset the whole sugar bowl and Lidmila’s tea cup.

“Oh goodness,” Zselyke gasped. “I’ve made a mess of my own tea…” She gave Nasimiyu the kindest smile of their acquaintance so far and laughed, “Maybe the tea did get us all a little drunk! It’s only flowers in there… maybe it’s the talk of weddings going to our heads!”

The table was soaked now though, they’d all logged themselves with unsweetened tea, and the pastries were going stale. Nasimiyu thought everyone seemed relieved when she suggested tea come to a close for now, and promised to meet with Zselyke again the next day to resume their wedding chat, and suggested Lidmila take a turn with her in the garden, and Mindeulle too if she wished.

“I would love to, but I really only need to ask you a question and then return a letter to my parents,” Mindeulle said as the three women left Zselyke’s parlor.

“That’s right, you said you needed to speak with me.”

“Yes… privately, if that’s all right? It’s about… some private business,” she murmured, glancing at Lidmila. “I hope you understand.”

“Of course. Why don’t I meet you in the garden, Princess? Have your servant bring a parasol though, it looks like it might rain.”

“Don’t you need one too then?”

“Oh… maybe I can share yours? I didn’t bring one…”

“I’m sure we can,” Nasimiyu said, or else she would bring another, or they could find someplace else to walk, it really wasn’t a big deal. Lidmila seemed content with this plan and flitted off, hopefully not to wander out into the rain before Nasimiyu arrived. She was sweet but perhaps not the brightest.

Mindeulle insisted on leading Nasimiyu into a room with a closed door before she admitted, “I’m sorry if I seem so cryptic, but I’m looking into this mystery with my brother and Çiğdem.”

Nasimiyu instantly cringed and suggested gently, “Does your brother know? He may not want you poking into his personal affairs…”

“So you think he did it then?” Mindeulle caught.

“I don’t know but…” Nasimiyu thought of Namjoon fucking Dulce at the masquerade ball. “I don’t know him well enough to say anything regarding his relationships with women but I think we can all move on.”

“We can’t move on. You saw how Lady Zselyke treated me at tea, and she’s not the only one.”

“You think it was because of that? I suppose that comment was rather… barbed.”

“Lady Zselyke already dislikes me and Namjoon because of the trouble with the Prince’s former fiance… but he has you now, that can be behind us. But this… this wasn’t him either, I’m sure of it! And now the families here want even less to do with us because they think my brother has a habit of leading women on, which he most definitely does not! He’s been framed both times and I intend to figure out who’s doing it.”

“I think you should let it go,” Nasimiyu admitted.

“But we’re being ostracized.”

“Does he care about something like that?”

“No, but… but I do. If society here shuns me I’ll have to go back to Therepin. I want to stay here.”

“I’ll protect you and your reputation, it doesn’t need to be tied to your brother’s.”

“You don’t believe me and won’t help me,” Mindeulle frowned, taking a step away.

“I didn’t say that, I just think…”

“Çiğdem’s family are not kind people. They aren’t the sort of people I want as family enemies. They are going to make you choose and if I can’t prove my brother is innocent, you’ll have to choose them.”

“I don’t have to do anything.”

“There are politics here you don’t understand yet,” Mindeulle said. When Nasimiyu shifted unhappily, Mindeulle hurried to add, “Only because you are new here and you aren’t used to these families. They are sensitive and vengeful. The only reason they haven’t outright attacked us yet is because it means admitting Çiğdem was writing letters to a man, so they’re trying to figure out something else to pin on us.”

“I’m not interested in their petty accusations–”

“But if you anger them, they will interfere with your marriage,” Mindeulle insisted. “They’re powerful enough to do it.” Mindeulle paused and seemed to think about what she said, then shook her head to clear it. “I need to clear my brother’s name. Please let me at least try.”

Nasimiyu sighed and conceded only, “What help are you asking from me?”

“I need the letters from Çiğdem. So I can compare to my brother’s handwriting and language and prove they aren’t his.” Nasimiyu had to admit that was a good plan.

“What makes you think she still has them?”

Mindeulle looked stunned and nearly laughed, “Why wouldn’t she? Don’t you keep every letter anyone has ever written you?”

“No one has ever written me letters,” Nasimiyu admitted. “Is that strange?”

Mindeulle seemed to think it was very sad.

“Well… I believe she has them,” Mindeulle insisted. “I bet even though she’s angry, she still has them. She might give them to you if you ask.”

“I’m not that close with her.”

“Or if you ask Lidmila to ask for them, even better.”

“I don’t know…

“But Lidmila will do anything you say, she worships the ground you walk on.”

Nasimiyu had to admit that seemed true. So in the end, she agreed to try.

And as Mindeulle predicted, when Nasimiyu brought the subject up of investigating things herself with Lidmila as they strolled through the warm summer rain under a shared parasol, Lidmila readily vowed to try, too –no, to succeed! It wouldn’t be easy but she would convince Çiğdem to let them see the letters under the guise of Nasimiyu wanting to understand Namjoon’s sins for herself. Lidmila admitted Çiğdem seemed to be having a hard time letting go of it all and probably would be eager to share.

All the moving of social chess pieces left Nasimiyu exhausted by the time Lidmila left with her parents and Nasimiyu could finally flee to solitude. She tossed the parasol to the ground and slipped off her damp shoes as soon as she was through the door. She’d take a bath to get that humid sea-city slime off her skin, she decided, and called for the maids to draw the bath.

As she moved around her room undressing, trying not to notice how quiet it seemed in here lately without Dulce emerging from the shadows to slide into the bed or bath with her, she began to notice things. Little things, small things that someone without her eye for detail might not: her gowns twisted in the wardrobe in a way she nor the maids would ever leave them; her shoes lined up too perfectly when she only ever lazily kicked them off; the papers on the wrong side of the desk from where Dulce had sat writing a coded message to send to Prince Hamisi (Nasimiyu sure hadn’t touched them since then), obvious because Dulce was left handed and scratched things out hunched over the right corner of the desk like someone who’d barely learned to hold a pen.

Had someone been here?

She didn’t like that feeling. It didn’t just scare her, it angered her, this idea that someone had come into her room –somehow, despite the guards posted outside. She looked around herself, trying to determine what someone had been looking for, what they might have found, though there weren’t secret things to find. The letters from her mother were nothing but that, nothing notable in them. She didn’t think any of her jewelry was missing, at least none of her favorites. What else would they have taken?

“Did you girls clean in here today?” she asked as she shed her clothing for a bath. The two maids looked at each other, uncertain how to answer. “If someone did, they didn’t do a very good job. My gowns are tangled up in the wardrobe.”

“We’re sorry, Princess,” they quickly said. “We’ll fix it right away.”

Well, mystery solved then. Nasimiyu sank into the bath and washed it all away.

The palace was stifling.

Seokjin had almost killed a man.

Taehyung had almost been killed too.

He had to get out of here. Hiding in his room with the comfort of his fur babies wasn’t enough, but Jungkook wasn’t on duty so Seokjin couldn’t pull off his disguised anonymous jaunt into the city. It would be too much for him right now anyway. He needed to be alone but not alone… he didn’t have a solution for that.

Muhtar followed him at a bothersome distance, not quite far enough, as he set out for the sea wall. The sun was setting, drawing some touristy crowds to admire the vibrant hues brushed across the cloudy sky, but for the most part the people of Priva did not find a regular sunset anything remarkable. They saw this every day. They had other things to do.

Seokjin, however, still found it remarkable. He hoped the day never came that he forgot about the miracle of a sunset, how the air itself became orange and red and that honey warmth seeped into your skin. He paused once a respectable distance from the palace to take it in.

And then saw her.

He should keep walking, he knew immediately. He had no reason to approach. She sat there, legs dangling recklessly over the edge, face cast towards the sun and a hood on so that he shouldn’t have even recognized her. He could not have explained how he did. And he’d been avoiding her for days now! Muhtar was with him; he didn’t trust any of his bodyguards to keep his secrets the way he trusted Jungkook, and sitting to enjoy the sunset with the maid of his fiance was one of those things that deserved to be a secret. The last time he’d seen her, he was fucking said fiance. The last time he’d spoken to her, she’d been furious.

He should keep walking.

He fully intended to keep walking.

He eased himself down on the ledge beside her, careful not to lose his step and plummet to his death because that would just really be the icing on this shit-cake day.

She didn’t even glance at him, as if not surprised at all. Maybe she’d somehow sensed him standing behind him. She so rarely seemed surprised by anything.

She had looked surprised when she walked in on him and Nasimiyu.

“About what you saw…”

“I didn’t see anything,” she said, voice a low murmur weaving through the aggressive crash of waves against the rocks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

So it would be like that. Yes, that was for the best.

“I only see the sunset,” she told him.

“It’s a good one.”

They sat in silence for a while. Gradually Seokjin’s mortification settled into a dull hum in the back of his mind, beat away by the waves. That experience seemed fake. Nasimiyu seemed fake, his engagement seemed fake. Certainly less real than the hues streaking the wispy clouds dawdling over their heads.

“What’s your favorite color in the sunset?” he asked. She didn’t look at him, but he could see enough of her profile to watch her brow pinch.

Why, why was he so desperate to reach out and smooth it down?! She was just some woman. It didn’t make sense. He barely knew her at all, as she had made crystal clear. Why was it so easy to think of a thousand things he wanted to say to her, and equally easy, for once in his life, to say none of them and simply sit there watching the sunset?

“Pink,” she finally said. He’d forgotten the question and gave her a confused look. “I don’t seem like the kind of woman who likes pink?”

“I like that it makes my hair look pink,” he told her. “I think I’d look really good with pink hair.”

“Your hair doesn’t look pink.”

“A little bit.”

“Not at all,” she insisted, so seriously as she looked at it that he couldn’t help the laughter.

It died quickly as he noticed the bruise on her cheek, the bandage on the side of her neck.

“What happened to you?” he asked, quickly turning towards her, reaching only to hover because he had no right to touch her.

“Hm?”

“You’re injured!”

“Oh. Accident in the laundry room,” she said, lifting a hand to her cheek like she’d forgotten all about it. He thought he saw the shadow of another bruise on her jaw and resisted the urge to turn her face and confirm.

“What the hells happened in the laundry room?!”

“Everything is fine. How was the hunting trip?”

He didn’t answer, torn now between the dread of what had already happened and a desire to not be shaken off from her injuries. He wasn’t sure she was telling him the truth. He hadn’t heard of an accident in the laundry that had caused serious harm to a maid. If there were safety issues, they needed to be taken care of immediately!

“What happened in the laundry room?” he tried again.

“How was the hunting trip?”

He narrowed his eyes. She stared a moment, then turned her gaze out at the sunset in a way that made clear she would not be answering his question.

“You know,” he shrugged. “It was… unpleasant. It’s good you didn’t go along today.”

“Might have been better than the laundry room.”

“No.” He thought of Dulce witnessing what had happened. Or, worse, Dulce being involved with what had happened. He didn’t say anything more, uncomfortable with imagining it. A horrible thought came to him, of his uncle somehow figuring out that Dulce was… notable to him. She’d be in grave danger, he was sure of it. A princess had some protection from a sadistic uncle-in-law. A maid had none. He glanced back at Murtah, worried his own bodyguard might report this to his uncle. Could anyone be trusted? Murtah was older, kind, formal, serious. He looked up and down the seawall, always on alert.

“I don’t think it’s safe for you to go hunting down there,” Dulce said, a rush of words he hadn’t expected. He raised his eyebrows at her unexpected concern. “It’s too easy for an accident to happen. It feels like it was designed for accidents.”

“Nowhere is safe from accidents. Apparently not even laundry rooms.”

“Your joke makes it clear you’ve never been in one,” she muttered.

He had to admit, “No. Are they dangerous?”

“Yes. But a hunting party in the caves is particularly dangerous for you, I think. You’re the crown prince. You’re never safe.”

“I have a bodyguard,” he said, jerking his head towards Murtah.

“He doesn’t look very good.”

“He is.”

“He’s not even listening to our conversation to know I insulted him.”

“He’s discreet,” Seokjin argued. “He’s like you, he’s not reactive.” Dulce scrutinized the bodyguard like a duel partner, then looked back out at the water. The wind tangled in loose strands of her long hair and danced it around her face. He wondered how wild it would look if she let the hood down and her braid out. It seemed to want to curl around her neck; a perfect ringlet had formed and he had that intrusive urge to reach out and tug it. The hood made her look particularly beautiful.

Brooding. He’d meant she looked particularly brooding.

He felt so calm right now. It was strange, he’d come out here hoping to feel that way but not expecting too. The nervous energy that had kept him restless all day got washed out to sea with each tug of the tide below. It was almost embarrassing for Dulce to see him all calm. He had an image to uphold, after all. Funny, energetic, charming.

He was tired.

“Have you ever been fishing? What’s your favorite fish?” he asked, deciding to make an effort.

“Are you ever just silent– nevermind,” she said quickly. Then, “My apologies, sorry.” He wasn’t sure that she’d ever apologized for being blunt before and was surprised to see her cheeks darken with a flush.

“What?” he laughed. “Say what you were going to say. Am I ever just silent? Not really, even when I’m alone I talk to myself.” Her lips tightened. “What does that face mean?” he laughed.

“It’s just my face.”

“No it’s not. Are you… blushing? About what?”

“I am not,” she snapped, scowling at him, and in any other lifetime he would have grabbed and kissed her right then. He couldn’t explain it. She was so put out with him.

You want to kiss her. You need to get and stay away from her. He knew that was true. He understood this clearly in a way he had danced around for days now. Weeks? He didn’t know how long but he knew he wanted to kiss the bruise on her cheek and the one on her jaw and her fingers and that this feeling of his would get her fired at best. He couldn’t think of the worst.

“You’re quiet when you fuck, that’s what I meant,” she suddenly said, tearing her gaze away from his and crossing her arms. “Maybe that’s the only time.”

“I thought you didn’t see anything,” he cried, now his turn to blush a bright red. Here he was contemplating the tragedy of this woman bringing out the romantic in him when nothing could ever come of it and then she had to wallop him in the face like that.

“I didn’t hear anything either, that’s my point.”

Now silence enveloped them again, a less happy one. Seokjin didn’t know what to say. The thought of having sex with Nasimiyu made him want to run away screaming. Not a great foundation for a marriage but one he was going to have to work through, just like he was going to have to keep distance from Dulce, and neither thing seemed possible right now.

No, he could do it. He would. He was the crown prince, he did tons of things he didn’t want to simply because it was his duty.

He wanted more than a duty marriage with Nasimiyu.

He needed to squash these feelings about Dulce immediately.

“I didn’t mean to criticize,” she murmured, glancing nervously at him. Probably because he was staring. She had a very pretty profile. He bet she would hate it if someone pinched her chin but it was perfectly pinchable. “Nasimiyu speaks… highly of your time together.”

He grabbed for the lifeline she’d thrown him and laughed awkwardly loudly, “Oh, lovely. She speaks of it?”

“Brags, more like.”

He knew he should be flattered. A small part of him was.

“Yes, well, good. What can I say? I have many talents and pleasing women is one of them.” Dear gods what was he saying?

“I don’t need to hear that. When I said you don’t know me, I didn’t mean we should get to know each other,” she said.

He laughed, flat out laughed, “Dulce, why are you so mean?”

“I… sorry. It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah for me too but I’m still my pleasant charming self. You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had. I almost watched my father kill another of my friends. It was the shittiest hunting trip you can imagine.”

“Did you shoot anything?”

“I almost killed another of my friends, does that count?”

“Taehyung?”

“No… what made you think of him?” She shrugged. “No, Master Drin, my arms masters. His horse reared and threw him in the path of bullet right as I aimed at some mysterious creature in the woods that didn’t deserve to be shot at in the first place. Sliced the back of his head open but he lives.” The words poured out, a tirade meant to make her laugh even though it wasn’t funny and he didn’t even mean it to be funny. His laugh cracked as he repeated, “I almost killed someone today.”

“People die.”

“Come now.”

“People die in hunting accidents all the time,” she said again. “That’s what I meant by you shouldn’t go.”

He grinned and nudged her arm without thinking about it, teasing, “Are you worried about me?” She stiffened and he immediately leaned away. Oops.

She didn’t comment on the physical contact, just asked, “Have you never killed anything before?”

“I’ve shot ducks.”

“A dark stain on your soul.”

“I see their eyes every night before I sleep,” he joked. “I remember their names.”

“I don’t,” she said thoughtfully.

“Killed a lot of ducks, have you?”

“A few.” She said it so seriously, he couldn’t decide if she was joking or not. That made things she said even funnier, when he genuinely couldn’t tell. He had an inkling she did it on purpose. He wondered if Nasimiyu knew that about her.

“We’re still talking about ducks, aren’t we?” he teased.

“What would we be talking about?”

“Didn’t you grow up on a farm? I don’t think I have the guts for it.”

“I didn’t tell you that,” Dulce said sharply and Seokjin felt a ridiculous victory at very clearly having guessed something correctly about her. “I seem like a farm girl to you?”

“Is there anything besides farms in Paloma?” Her eyebrows raised and he snickered, “Oh no, did I just insult you?”

“You don’t know anything about Paloma.”

“No but I know you grew up on a farm.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Your reaction gave it away.”

“I don’t react,” she insisted and he felt laughter bubbling brighter in his chest. He had the playful childish urge to knock her over and wrestle now, to crow about his victory.

“You’re wrong. You have very big reactions, if you know what to look for.”

“I do not.”

“The more you deny it…”

Her face twisted in what seemed like a fake rage. She kept her mouth pressed tightly closed and stared at the sky now sliding to purples and blues. What she said earlier might seem right, that darker colors suited her style more, but he loved knowing now that she liked pink.

“I hate farms,” she said, possibly the closest to a confirmation he would ever get. He didn’t think it was a joke. There was an air of sadness to her voice that seemed shockingly sincere.

Or was he projecting it all? He realized that was possible. He might be sitting here feeling like their hearts were stitching together in a way that was going to hurt very much when he stood up, and she was sitting there thinking what a nuisance he was. It wasn’t like she said or did anything that hinted at feelings for him. She endured him. Humored him at best. She had no choice. The power imbalance was real and he’d be a fool not to remember that his company might be less welcome than Namjoon’s –which she may have loudly hinted at before.

He stared out at the water, debating. He should leave her alone. He knew that. Everything in him knew that. But he didn’t want to just yet… could she endure him for a few more minutes? That was the least guilt and horror he had felt all day. He had almost killed Drin.

“You didn’t kill him.”

“Wha?”

“You didn’t kill the man so you shouldn’t let it haunt you. Even if you had, accidents happen.”

He stared at her, eyes wide, stumbling over the words, “How did you–”

“I won’t reveal my methods.”

He was struck dumb for a moment, astonished at her acuity. Could she read minds? Oh, he’d be so fucked if she could read his mind right now. The threat of her seeing what kind of man he actually was –the kind who developed affection and desire for their fiance’s maid– was horror beyond belief.

Just to test it, he thought of some really crazy things. Six foot tall rabbits and a throne made of spaghetti and a giant fish leaping from the water to swallow them and carry them down to meet the king of the sea. She did not seem to read those thoughts.

“If you don’t want people to know what you’re thinking, don’t think so loud.”

“Don’t listen,” he countered. Which clearly brought her up short. She gave him what could only be characterized as a scandalized look, then stared out again at the sunset as if it was the most compelling thing she had ever seen.

He still felt like she was listening. Worse, he felt like he could talk to her. He felt like she could say anything and nothing would surprise him and she’d tell him her direct thoughts, he could count on it. Alone but not alone, that’s how he felt with her.

“I don’t even want to be the cause of someone’s death,” he admitted, verbalizing it this time.

“You’re going to be king. You’ll be the cause of many people’s deaths.” Yep, just like that.

He blew air out and looked down, for a moment allowing the intrusive thought of what it would feel like to just plummet down to the rocks and die. Then he’d never hurt anyone.

“I’ll be a different kind of king,” he tried to convince them both. “No wars, no hunting, no more hunger or… no poverty. I’ll take care of Destin and Paloma and… we’ll just all have good lives reading books and playing games and…”

At least she was kind enough not to tell him what a fucking idiot he was. She struck a nice balance of silence and directness. He appreciated that about her.

“And birthdays!” he said, suddenly recalling. “Is it your birthday soon?”

“What?”

“Is your birthday soon?”

“No, why?”

“Are you telling the truth?” he pressed, leaning closer and scrutinizing her closely.

She batted him away, revealing bandages on her hand that was quickly tucked back under her cloak despite the warm evening.

“My birthday is in the winter,” she said.

“An answer! Or close to one. Look how far we’ve come,” he teased.

“Why do you think my birthday is soon?”

“Nasimiyu asked Yoongi to make a Paloman dish and he thought your birthday was soon.”

Dulce considered this before admitting, “Maybe she thinks it is.”

“She doesn’t know?”

“Do you know the birthdays of your servants?”

“Yes,” he answered easily. “Murtah’s is in late August and then Jungkook’s is September first.”

Dulce didn’t seem to know what to say to this. He watched the pensive look on her face out of the corner of his eye, trying not to look like he was watching her.

“Are your injuries bothering you?” he guessed.

“No.”

“Are you sure? You were hurt at the palace, it’s understandable you should see the palace doctor to make sure–”

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t think you’re fine. You seem…” He couldn’t think of the word. Not that she was usually chatty but she seemed… “Weighed down.”

“So do you.”

“I think I’m my usual charming self.” When she didn’t respond, like she wasn’t buying it, he conceded, “I told you I almost killed my friend. I feel that on my handsome broad shoulders.”

She was silent for a while. He couldn’t tell if she was debating an answer or simply not going to give one. Which was fine. He would like for her to say but it was always unpredictable.

“I think you need to be extra careful,” she said. “You should be more concerned that your bodyguard went missing.”

Seokjin frowned and pressed, “What do you know about that?”

“You don’t think servants notice when one goes missing? You aren’t careful enough. People wish to harm you.”

“Well… yes. I’m the crown prince. That’s always been true and always will be true,” he admitted. “I’ve learned to live without worrying about it. If I die… well, I’ll be dead and won’t care about it anymore, will I?”

Her head snapped up, her face showing how absolutely incomprehensible she found his answer. It made him laugh again, he couldn’t help it.

“Did you think I’d scream and cry and hide away? I don’t want to die but it happens to all of us eventually. My mother, my brother… it won’t change my fate to sit around worrying about it every day.” He couldn’t believe how brave he sounded about it, although the things he said were true. He tried not to think about death every day. He tried to live as best he could.

“You aren’t afraid to die but you’re afraid to kill?”

“Well see… yes. Yes, that’s about right.” He gave her a bright grin. “I don’t want to, but I can endure a lot. Of course I guess you don’t really endure death, at that point you stop enduring–”

“What is a lot to you?”

“I’m still alive, so I suppose I don’t know yet.” She was taking this so seriously and he felt bad about that. “You don’t need to worry about me. I was born into this life and I’ll die in it too someday. But not today. Some days closer than others but…” He shrugged. “Best I don’t go into the laundry room, I guess.”

She didn’t laugh at his joke and he realized it was a bad one. She’d been badly injured in one. He was inclined to march back to the palace and ask someone working in the laundry what the hells had happened, but based on the last time he intervened in Dulce’s well-being, he suspected she would not be pleased. Did he care? It depended how badly she was hurt…

He sighed, not sure how to navigate anything. He wouldn’t intervene. She’d made clear she didn’t want him to. He was supposed to be putting more space between them now. He had promised to respect her wishes. Soon he was going to promise to love and devote his whole heart to Nasimiyu.

He wanted to say something but the longer the silence lasted, the less inclined he felt to. She didn’t demand anything of him, and he felt tired now by what he’d managed for her entertainment. Wrung out. This was a long day. He didn’t know what to do about his father shooting at Taehyung. Who was that a warning for? It would take a couple days to bundle Taehyung off to somewhere else since they were arguing about where that someplace else would be; was it better to spend those days in the palace or in an anonymous inn? Seokjin was debating having Taehyung just sleep in his room, gossip be damned.

“I have something for you,” she said eventually.

He immediately realized his gift must have felt like an obligation instead of an apology, especially since it wasn’t her birthday.

He waved his hand, “No, no, you don’t need to–”

“Not a gift. Someone gave me a letter to pass on to you.” She dug around and pulled it out of a bag across her body, looked at it a moment, then handed it over.

“What is this?” he asked. The front was blank, the envelope crinkled from passage. The red seal on the back immediately brought recognition and understanding –he’d recognize the imprint of his brother’s ring anywhere.

“A letter.”

“Yes I managed to figure that much out on my own,” he snickered. He had an idea who it was from, so instead he asked, “How did you get this?”

“Someone gave it to me while I was out walking here and begged me to put it in your hands,” she said.

“A woman,” Seokjin guessed.

“Yes.”

“Do you know what it’s about?”

“I didn’t read it,” Dulce said. “She didn’t say.” She looked him right in the face as she said this, direct eye contact that made him want to believe her… and yet he had melted and reattached enough seals to notice the telltale sign of staining on the paper.

“Please keep the existence of this letter between us,” he said lowly, tucking it into the pocket on the inside of his vest so it couldn’t be stolen until he got a chance to read it. After which he would probably need to burn it, depending on what it said, and if he was right about the sender. After all this time, he figured she was dead, in which case this letter might be something different. Either way, it was probably something dangerous for Dulce to know.

“What letter?” she asked, holding her hands out to show they were empty. He believed she would keep the secret, anyway, whatever she could actually glean from the contents. “I thought about not giving it to you, in case it’s trouble,” she admitted.

“I’m glad you did. Not every prince is a damsel who needs protecting, you know.”

“I think you may be a particularly reckless one.”

“How many princes do you know? Nevermind, Prince Hamisi, that was too easy. Well, this prince would be happy to walk you back to the palace now.”

“I’m fine. I’ll stay here a bit longer.”

“Is it safe?”

“It’s no laundry room so…yes.”

He was loath to leave her, but at least guards roamed the sea wall and she was less likely to meet trouble here than anywhere else.

Still, “Will you at least promise to stay out of the laundry room from now on?”

“It’s my job.”

“I can make it illegal for them to put you on laundry duty. I’m a prince. I don’t mind being an eccentric one.” She gave him a baleful look that felt like victory but she shook her head and he wasn’t going to push her. He didn’t want to undo what had felt like progress towards forgiveness.

“Thank you for your company,” he told her with a slight bow. He meant it. The events of the day still troubled him but he felt soothed, despite the fact she hadn’t actually had anything comforting to say –clearly she did not understand the magnitude of what it meant to take, or nearly take, a human life. He was glad of that though.

Murtah shortened the distance between them as they walked back towards the palace so that within a few minutes they were side by side.

“Your Highness.”

“Murtah.”

“This wasn’t wise.”

“I believe you are here to guard, not to advise,” Seokjin pointed out. “I was only watching the sunset.”

“With your fiance’s maid.”

“A coincidence,” Seokjin insisted, then quickly added, “But don’t worry, it won’t happen again.”

“It can’t.”

“No, it can’t,” Seokjin agreed with a sigh. He was projecting an attachment on a woman he barely knew. Was he just frightened by his impending promotion to husband and flailing about for diversion?

Her bruises and bandages bothered him more than his own troubles, he couldn’t stop thinking of them.

The safest thing for them both was not to get close enough to notice them next time.

Maybe Taehyung wasn’t the only one he needed to find a safe, cushy place for, far from Priva. How much money would it take Dulce to go away and not tell Nasimiyu why?

Yes, that was the answer. Money. See? Seokjin was already thinking like a king.

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jinkookspencil · 2 years

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no pyjamas | kim seokjin

you’re exhausted and stay the night at seokjin’s apartment…. but you don’t have any pyjamas…

Description: ~2.2k words / Seokjin x Reader (F) / Smut / 18+ / But it ends before “it” happens because I don’t know how to write smut I’m sorry - this is my first time writing anything even remotely smutty! / Established Relationship / Drabble / Could be considered a sequel to “a part of your home” but they’re not that connected story-wise & can be taken separately. Any feedback welcome!

You were exhausted. Too exhausted to even go all the way back to your place at the end of a long day, so you texted Seokjin about it and asked if you could spend the night at his place since it was closer to where you were. You knew he wouldn’t mind - you had been spending so much time there anyways that Seokjin gave you a drawer in his closet and a copy of his key, but you had to double check with him out of common courtesy, and was relieved to see his reply.

“Hehehe of course, honey. That’s what the key is for. Might be a bit late at work though. Relax and of course, make yourself at home.”

The second you closed the door to the apartment behind you, you rushed to Seokjin’s wardrobe in his bedroom to search through your drawer. Your heart always melted whenever you saw the little bee sticker Seokjin placed by its knob, and you were thankful for it too, you were so forgetful you would have mixed up which drawer was yours. It’s probably one of the reasons why Seokjin did it, you realize.... besides just being cute.

You pulled open the drawer and rummaged through the essentials you stored there, mentally ticking your list as you went along, which usually consisted of: toiletries, socks, a change of clothes, a lingerie set, and….no pyjamas?!

You emptied the drawer, hoping to find at least a pyjama top or a cami…. But there was nothing there. You always left a pyjama set at Seokjin's place! You even bought a Mario set that he loved…. but you must’ve forgotten to replace it after the last time you spent the night here.

On a normal day, you might’ve just thought to wear the lingerie or sleep naked after seducing Seokjin, but you needed comfort tonight and wanted to sleep, plus you had no idea what time Seokjin would be back. Of course this would happen on the one day you’re too exhausted to make the journey to your place and just want to go to bed.

Something from Seokjin’s closet would have to work.

Seokjin adored button-down pyjama sets - liked the ease and comfort of them and never having to worry about what to wear to bed. He stored his precious collection in a larger wardrobe, and though he was never the most organized person, each pyjama set was kept together, some folded and others just rolled up in a ball… boy, did he have a lot of sets. It must have been a good five minutes until you found a set that had a short-sleeved button down top at the very back, hidden among the long-sleeved ones Seokjin preferred. You had no idea how he wore them in summer - even with the air conditioning turned on, you’d still felt too hot to wear those to bed.

The pyjama top fit, even though you could already tell it probably hung on your body awkwardly, it was comfortable…. But soon it hits you that all of Seokjin’s pyjama bottoms were long and went down to his ankles, with the ends scrunched up on your feet, which were trapped under the weight of the fabric. You sigh - couldn’t this have gone smoothly today? You check your drawer again to make sure there wasn’t anything you could wear when you wonder if anything from your drawer ever got mixed up with his....

You open the drawer right above yours to find that it is Seokjin’s underwear drawer.

During your relationship, you realized that Seokjin wore a variety of underwear and his drawer proved it, as he had sets of boxers, alongside sets of boxer-briefs, alongside sets of briefs. You blushed at the sight, but you were too tired to think too much of it - you grabbed one of his navy boxers to match the top and put it on immediately.

Besides the fact that the crotch area felt a bit weird at first, it was almost like any other pyjama short you had except even softer... and you felt a twinge of excitement at the realization that you were wearing Seokjin’s underwear. You had never been this intimate with another person - this simple act went far beyond wearing a sweater of theirs, or even sex…

You saw yourself in the mirror and though it didn’t reveal much, you thought you looked sexy in his clothes, especially with the hemline of his boxers resting just below your bum, the neckline dropping down to the spot right between your breasts, which were on full display at certain angles.

It always felt good to wear something of Seokjin’s. Unfortunately, he never understood the sexiness of a girl wearing her boyfriend’s clothes. You had worn a couple of his sweaters and t-shirts in the past, he even gave you a couple to keep, but he just never found it sexy. Cute and comforting, sure. It made him smile when he saw how his t-shirts fit on your body, always a bit too big on the shoulders. But sexy?… Not really. You were slightly disappointed when he admitted it, but shrugged it off - at least he finds you sexy in other circumstances.

You undid your hair, pulled out the novel you were reading from your bag, and jumped onto Seokjin’s large bed, sitting cozily right in the middle after surrounding and supporting yourself with the four pillows that occupied the bed.

The feeling of your freshly shaved legs against each other and the cold, new sheets and Seokjin’s clothes was heavenly… The only way this could be more perfect and relaxing is if Seokjin was beside you, wrapping you up in his embrace. But you were still in his apartment, in his bedroom, in his bed, around his pillows, in his clothes, and everything else that surrounded you belonging to him… You were still surrounded by him - it felt like a hug when he couldn’t physically be there to give you one. This was the first time you were really alone in Seokjin’s apartment, but it didn’t really feel as though you were alone.

You lay on top of the covers, crossing your legs on top of the duvet, and rubbing your eyes as you cracked open your book… though you were tired, you were making steady progress on the novel and didn’t want to go a night without reading at least one chapter….

——

One chapter. Ha.

You only realized you had blown through at least 100 pages when you heard Seokjin walk through the front door. With the book as exciting as it was and Seokjin finally back, your sleepiness was completely gone, as if it had never been present.

“Seokjin?!”, you call out, hearing him shuffle around in the kitchen.

“Honey?! You’re awake?,” he replies.

“I am, I was reading a book and couldn’t sleep,” you answer as you insert a bookmark on the page at the end of the fifth chapter you were on and placed the book by the bedside table.

“Ah. Not surprised as to why you didn’t answer my text then,” he says as he pushes open the door to his bedroom, immediately seeing you snug in his bed.

“You look so cute. Was everything in the apartment okay? Did you have everything you needed?” he asks.

“Yeah, everything was great. Thank you,” you reassure him as you got on your knees by the edge of the bed to embrace him, but to your surprise, Seokjin stops you.

“What.. what are you wearing?,” he questions, his voice suddenly dropping to a quiet whisper as he grazes the collar of the pyjama top.

You were so immersed in your book that you forgot you had been wearing Seokjin’s clothes.

“Oh, sorry I forgot to bring a pyjama set last time. I borrowed some of your stuff if that’s okay?”. You ask as you stare up at him.

All he does is nod, staring down at you.

“Sure?”, you say as you cock your head to the side.

“Yeah.. yeah,” he mutters, stunned, clearing his throat with little coughs as he rushes to his bathroom, leaving the door open.

Seokjin stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. Were you really wearing his pyjamas? AND his boxers? He didn’t know what came over him. You always looked so cute in his clothes but now… you just looked sexy. The idea that you felt comfortable enough to wear his most intimate clothes both comforted him and turned him on. He began washing his face and undressing mindlessly, not realizing he forgot to grab a pair of pyjamas from the wardrobe himself… and that’s when he sees it.

You jump off of the bed, grab your book from the nightstand and bend over to get your tote which fell to the ground from the ottoman by the bed, the curve of your butt peeking out from below his boxers as you bend down. You threw your book inside the bag and pulled out your water bottle, taking a couple of sips before resting it on a nearby table, not realizing a couple of drops had landed on your chest, as you spun around causing him to catch a glimpse of your side-boob via the neckline..

Seokjin couldn’t take it anymore.

He hurriedly stripped until he was in his underwear, throwing his clothes all around his bathroom, and rushed back into the bedroom, heaving.

He found you laying back on the bed and staring up at him, blankly oblivious to the reaction you just instilled in him.

“Seokjin, are you okay?” you ask casually.

For a moment, he doesn’t say a word and just looks down at you breathing, and you slowly realize his hand moving to his crotch…

“Seokjin…?”

“I…you’re… you’re wearing my underwear… my pyjamas…”, he stammers.

“Y-yeah… you just said it was okay?”

“It is okay. It’s more than okay….”

You sit up and resume your position, sitting on your knees by the edge of the bed staring up in front of him.

“It’s.. it’s sexy,” he professes as he rushes to grab you by the back of your neck and pull you in for a hungry kiss.

“Is it really?”, you ask, stunned between kisses, “You never said anything when I wore your clothes before.”

“This,” he begins before pulling you even closer, his hand roaming beneath the pyjama top and all over your back before making its way to your breasts. “This is different.”

You arch your back to ensure he feels your chest against his skin, allowing your fingers to lay on the back of his neck then ruffle through his hair as he kisses you.

“Fuck”, he lets out.

You slowly lean backward on your elbows, slightly adjusting your legs to make extra room for Seokjin as he hovers over you, eyes full of desire, slowly unbuttoning the pyjama top and placing ferocious kisses between your breasts and down your torso, in the exact spots where each button had been. Seokjin’s lips then found your neck, biting and licking your soft skin while grabbing your breast over the fabric of the top, now completely unbuttoned but still on you. You can’t help but let out a moan as Seokjin did so and as you felt his breath and his lips on your skin.

His hands moved to your thighs, admiring the shape of them in his boxers, running his fingers up and down your legs before squeezing your thighs and pushing your hips down on the bed.

He sat up and towered over you, breathing heavily.

“Spread your legs,” he commands.

Seokjin held your knees as you did so, kissing your inner thighs, making his way up from your knees. You knew you were wet, and seeing the dark patch that formed in the crotch of his boxers drove Seokjin wild, his kisses growing hungrier, holding your leg open with one hand while the other held his crotch.

“You’re so hot,” he says as he moans your name repeatedly.

“Seokjin, I need you,” you blurt out almost in pain, pulling at his hair.

"I... I need you too. I need - fuck - I need to taste you.”

In a second Seokjin immediately grips your thighs tighter and kisses your crotch through his boxers, licking and moving his tongue over the soft fabric on your area.

The sound you let out is something between a moan and a gasp, his name escaping your lips in a similar fashion. “Seokjin… Seokjin.. I -“

“I know, honey, I know,” he breathes as he moves upwards to kiss you, gently rubbing his fingertips over your wetness, which almost causes your body to surrender before he pauses.

“Lift your hips for me, honey,” he breathes.

His hand already on the waistband of his boxers, you lift up your hips as he pulls them off and discards them along with the pair he was wearing, on the other side of the bed.

He dives down to kiss you, as you feel his hardened crotch grind against yours.

His kisses travel down in a straight line from your lips, to your neck, the middle of your chest, your stomach, and downwards, his hands now around your thighs as he spreads them apart.

“Please,” he whispers against your thighs, sending chills all over your body. “Please remember you never have to bring over underwear or pyjamas ever again.”

#jin smut #seokjin smut #bts smut #kim seokjin smut #kim seokjin fanfic #seokjin fanfic #seokjin fanfiction #seokjin fic #jin fic #jin fanfic #jin fanfiction #bts fanfiction #kim seokjin fanfiction #jin x reader #seokjin x reader #kim seokjin x you #jin x you

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ysljoon · 2 years

Text

Gilded Days|Kim Seokjin x Housewife!Reader

This contains mature themes so please avoid if you’re not 18+

Genre: Fluff, smut, non-idol! AU, Lawyer!Seokjin AU, established relationship

Warnings: tit play, fingering (f. receiving), oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex, body worship, praise, creampie, impreg kink

Word Count: 1.8K

You really had no complaints about your current lifestyle. You spent four years of your life working hard in university to get your degree, but during your third year in college you met Seokjin and he turned your world upside down in the best way possible. Now you wouldn’t call yourself a golddigger, but having a man with money was not something you would turn away. You were aware that Seokjin came from a background of wealth as he was talked about by everyone in the criminal justice program at your school. Once you got to know Seokjin and met his family you knew his family was far from the new money you thought he came from. The Kim family was the first and only account of generational wealth you’ve seen with your own two eyes. Seokjin’s great grandfather had started a family business with oil-exporting and it had boomed. The roles and assets were then passed down to his grandpa and then his father. Seokjin didn’t want to be involved in the business aspect so he decided to be a lawyer to represent his family’s company.

When you and him got married the ceremony was something out of a Disney fairytale. The Kims did not skimp out and your family wanted to contribute on top of what Seokjin’s family was paying for as they didn’t want to feel like they weren’t carrying their own weight for their daughter’s wedding. The decor was stunning and the food was cooked by Michelin Star chefs. Your wedding gown is still the most memorable moment of the night and people wouldn't stop talking about it months after. You had a cathedral veil and your dress was encrusted with Swarovski crystals along the waist and dotted all along the skirt of the fine silk dress.

Once you and Seokjin moved in together he convinced you that you didn’t need to work anymore. At first, you were stubborn about that decision. You were happy at your job and you didn’t want to let your degree go to waste. Seokjin had continuously begged and pestered about when you were going to leave your job. You decided to consult your mother about what you should do and she let you know that Seokjin would be able to bring you a luxurious lifestyle without having to lift a finger and worry about finances and that’s something she would never deny you. You agreed with your mom’s mindset and you sent your two-week notice to the company the morning after.

Being a housewife was boring at first. You didn’t know what to do with yourself at first and the days felt lonely while Seokjin was at work and you were waiting for his arrival. Slowly you started to occupy yourself by learning how to cook and bake, going to the gym, and picking up hobbies that piqued your interest. You even started to look forward to cleaning the house. You were becoming more and more excited for your husband to come home after work to show off your new recipes that you tried today for him to enjoy after a stressful day. Every day was like clockwork. He would come through the door and greet you with a kiss, eat dinner and discuss his day with you, have a steamy shared shower with you, and catch up on social media and watch TV with you until it was time for bed. You loved the routine and never wanted it to change.

Of course, things were going to change whether you wanted them to or not. Seokjin started staying later at work and you would end up having to eat dinner without him a couple of nights of the week. Sometimes he would come home and go straight to bed without eating dinner saying that he got some takeaway while at work. You tried not to let it bother you as much, but the sudden decline in attention from your husband had troubled you. You decided to confront him about it at the end of the week. You knew he would be understanding about how you were feeling and would listen so you weren’t nervous about the conversation.

Friday evening had rolled around and you had a bottle of wine and an empty glass waiting for him. You had already poured yourself a glass and leisurely sipped while watching TV. You heard the lock to your front door click open and proceeded to hear the creak of the door being pushed in. “I’m in the living room honey!” You heard his footsteps coming closer and he greeted you with a kiss on the top of your head. “Hey Jinnie, I left out some wine for you. Can we have a quick chat?” He nodded wordlessly and sat right next to you while pouring his own glass. You placed your glass down and he faced you waiting to see what you had to say. “Uhm honey I know you’ve been quite busy with work, especially with a recent dispute happening with another company, but I’ve been feeling a little…underappreciated. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I just want to find out if there’s anything for us to work out!” Seokjin placed his glass down on the coffee table and his expression was unreadable. You were starting to get nervous as he wasn’t saying anything and you were starting to think you had upset him.

He brought himself closer to your body and cupped your cheeks in both his hands. He starts off by peppering your lips with light kisses and then the kiss deepens. You run your hands through his already tousled hair that you know he was carding his fingers through it while at work. Effortlessly he placed you on his lap. His forehead was pressed against yours and he kept his hand on the back of your neck. “My beloved I had never meant for that to happen. Please let me show you my appreciation tonight.” This had brought a wide smile to your lips. Jin had swooped you up and carried you bridal style to the bedroom. He gently places you down on the bed and starts to kiss along your neck and runs his hands down your sides.

He moves up the column of your neck and nips at your earlobe creating goosebumps all along your skin. His large hands find purchase on your tits. Your hardened nipples were poking through the fabric of your silk nightgown. He gently moves his fingers over your nipples and it has you letting out a whine. “My beautiful you look so pretty underneath me. I want to make you feel so good.” You were already feeling delirious both from his words and his touch. You easily slip down the straps of your gown to expose your tits to him. He quickly gulps and dives down to cover your nipple with his mouth and plays with the other one with his nimble fingers. This had your back arching. The warmth and wetness of his mouth felt so good. You felt your underwear start to get sticky against your wet slit. Once Seokjin felt like he had given your breasts enough attention with both his mouth and fingers he slid your nightgown completely off your body so you’re fully exposed. “Oh my god honey you’re absolutely gorgeous. You have amazing tits and your ass is something to die for! I could look at your body all day. It’s like a masterpiece in a museum.” This praise made you feel warm all over.

He placed kisses down your stomach and quickly looped his fingers around your panties to slip them off. He was face to face with your glistening cunt and he was so close to drooling at the sight. He brought his plush lips to your clit and started to suck. You instantly grabbed his hair and let out a garbled moan. The wet sounds of his mouth slurping up the juices of your cunt made you incredibly turned on. “B-baby I’m so close to cumming, please keep going!” This had him sucking just a little harder on your clit until you reached your release. He had placed gentle kisses on your clit to help you ride out your high. “My sweet girl let me stretch you out with my fingers.” You nodded with so much fervor you were probably so close to giving yourself whiplash. “Please Jinnie, I want your fingers so bad.” He ran his finger outside the opening of your cunt to wet his finger before he slid in. The feeling of his cold finger slipping into your warm cunt had you gasping. “You look so gorgeous taking my fingers love, you’re doing great.” He slipped in one more finger and started to pick up the pace of how quickly he was pumping your fingers in you. “Honey I feel how close you are, keep it up baby I want you cum all over my fingers.” His encouraging words made you burst. Your moans reverberated through your chest and you were left panting.

Seokjin brought himself above you again and lined up his thick, pink cock up with your cunt. He slipped in and bottomed out. The both of you were whining and moaning from the sensation. “Jinnie you feel so fucking good. I want you to pound my cunt so badly.” Without hesitation, he quickened his pace and you let out a blissful hiss. “Honey you look so good taking my fucking cock. I’m gonna cum in you so deep. I know you want my warm cum to get you, pregnant baby, You’d look so gorgeous carrying my child with your swollen tummy.” Seokjin really knew how to dirty talk you and he knew the impregnation kink the both of you had could be used to his advantage. Your cunt started to tighten and suck him in deeper. His hips stuttered and you felt his warm cum spurt into your slippery pussy. Feeling his cum mix with your wetness made for a sloppy yet hot mix and you loved the feeling.

He slipped his softened cock out and got up to get a warm wash rag to clean you up. He cuddled you in his loving embrace and left a couple of kisses along your shoulder. “You know I will never get tired of you my love. I want to keep you around forever so don’t ever think I don’t love you any more or anything close to thought. I am very sorry for my neglectful actions and I’m going to make it up to you and tonight is the start.” You both fell asleep in each other’s embrace feeling lighter and more in love than you felt in a while.

#bangtansorciere #thebtswritersclub #kim seokjin x reader #seokjin x reader #jin x reader #kim seokjin smut #seokjin smut #jin smut #kim seokjin fanfiction #seokjin fanfic #kim seokjin fanfic #jin fanfic #kim seokjin #seokjin fanfiction #jin #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts smut

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bteezxyewriter12 · 2 years

Text

Drunken Night 2~ One More Time

Pairing- Jin x Named Reader

Word count- 2.7k

Includes- fluff, oral, pussy eating, blow job, cum eating, missionary, sex from behind, cock riding, multiple orgasms, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine

@yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana

@tannie13 @borntowalkaway @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

Masterlists- check out for more fics

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Part 1

J POV

"Wanna watch something?", I ask, grabbing the remote and leaning back on the couch, flipping through the channels

"Sure", Jin answers leaning back against the couch next to me

We find a superhero movie to watch and settle in

I keep glancing over at him as he watches, not believing we actually had sex last week

When we were drunk

I don't even know how that happened

I mean I remember everything but how we came to the conclusion to just rip each other's clothes off and fuck- no idea

And when we woke up the next morning to his phone running off the hook, we stared at each other in shock

Fortunately he had to go because he was late for practice and we never spoke about it again

Except, I keep thinking about it

About him

And I don't know what to do

If I should talk to him or leave it alone

It's not like we could date anyway

I dated Namjoon for a year a few years ago and I know guys have a bro code or whatever about dating ex's

I don't think Namjoon would care as I've dated other guys since we broke up and we're still friends

But those guys weren't a member of his group or his best friend

And who am I kidding?

Jin would never want me like that

After years of being friends I've never gotten any hint that he thinks of me romantically

I think last week was just a fluke

So I'm gonna keep my mouth shut

He's quiet so all I can do is watch the movie

A little while later, I feel myself getting sleepy

I can't sleep sitting up and I feel myself slipping to the side

My head lands on something hard and I don't know what it is

I open my eyes a little bit, seeing Jin's shoulder

Shit

"Sss...sorry Jinnie", I apologize, moving to get off him

"No Jo, it's ok", he says

He moves his arm, putting it around me then moves back, laying down on the couch, pulling me on top of him

I lay my head on his chest and I hear his heart beating

I like it

Jin starts running his fingers in my hair and I'm done for

That's the quickest way to get me to sleep

I close my eyes, holding onto his shirt and fall asleep

---------------------------

I yawn, waking up and stretching

The tv is still on

What?

When did I turn the TV on?

I open my eyes groggily

"Hu hmmm", I hear

I sit up and look down

Jin is rubbing his eyes, waking up too

What?

Shit, he came over and I fell asleep on him

Well, he let me sleep on him

And I guess he fell asleep too

He opens his eyes, looking at me

"Oh uh hi Jo", he says confused

"We fell asleep", I answer

"Oh. What time is it?"

I look for my phone and grab it off the table

"Two a.m."

"Fuck really? I should go"

I don't want him to go

I don't know why I feel like this, but I like having him here

He sits up, yawning too

"You don't have to go", I say quietly

"Uh what?"

"You can stay", I offer

"Oh uh...I don't think that's a good idea"

He's probably right but I can't help but feel sad that he's leaving

"Yeah ok sure.", I answer looking at him

"Ok, I'm gonna go", he repeats, looking at me

I just nod

But he's not moving

He's just looking at me

And I'm just looking back at him like an idiot

He's just so fucking beautiful

Everything about him is

And so sexy too

What the hell is wrong with me?

This is Jin

Why am I thinking about him like this?

He's my friend

But all that's running in my mind is that I want to kiss him

Jin reaches out and moves hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear

I can't help but close my eyes when he does it

He leaves his hand on me, holding the side of my neck gently

I open my eyes to his gorgeous face

He looks like he's fighting against something

Then his face smooths over and he pulls me to him, his lips landing on mine

Searing heat floods my body from his kiss

My arms automatically go around his neck, pulling him closer, kissing him

He pulls me on his lap, sliding his tongue in my mouth, making me moan

"Fuck", he whispers, then kisses me again

His hands move down my body, pulling up my shirt

He gets it over my head, his lips back on me as soon as the shirt is off

Fucking hell, I want him so much

Pulling his shirt off too, I run my hands all over him while I kiss him

"We...we...shouldn't", he says in between kisses

He reaches around to my back and this time he unhooks my bra, instead of ripping it off

"Then we should stop", I say, not wanting to stop at all

His hands grab my breasts, touching and squeezing

Fuck it feels good

"We...we should", he agrees, kissing my neck

"D....dd..do you want to?", I ask him

"Nnn...no.", he moans, "Do you?"

"No"

"But-"

"No one has to know", I answer, trailing kisses down his neck and his fucking sexy shoulder

"Nnnn....no one can know Jo..", he pants

"Ok Jinnie"

"Ok", he agrees

He stands up, pulling me up too

He bends down, picking me up, my legs going around him

I keep kissing his neck and shoulder as he walks into my room

"Fuck", he moans

He puts me on my bed, pulling my pants and panties off

"Fuck Jo, you're so fucking hot", he murmurs running his hands all over me

Jesus Christ

Jin opens my legs, kneels down and licks me

"Oh shit", I cry, pleasure shooting through me

He lays his tongue flat on me and licks up

Fucking hell, his tongue feels so good

He keeps moving his tongue, up and down, going faster with each lick

"Jin oh fuck Jin", I yell in so much pleasure, "Don't stop Jinnie"

"I won't baby", he answers

Fuck I like him calling me that

His tongue glides on my clit and pleasure blasts everywhere

"Fuck oh god"

He chuckles and it's so fucking hot

"Like it there baby?",

"Mmmmm hmmmm", I answer

He licks my clit over and over in the same spot, making me feel like I'm going to snap any second

His mouth wraps around my clit sucking once and I'm done

"Shit fuck JIN!" I scream

I can't stop my body shaking as I cum

"Yes, fuck. So good princess", he moans, still licking

Oh god

He likes it?

He doesn't stop licking, running his tongue all over me

I can't take how good it feels and I orgasm again right after I finish the first one

"Fuck!"

"Yes baby", he whispers, licking

I relax when my orgasm finishes and Jin moves away

I'm breathing heavily, trying to catch my breath

"Was it good?", he asks

I lift my head up

He's standing looking down at me, biting his lip

Is he kidding?

He has to be fucking with me

But he's just standing, waiting for my answer

"Good? Jinnie it was fucking amazing"

He smiles happily at me

I sit up and grab his jeans

I get his belt, and undo his jeans in record time, pulling them and his boxers down

He's fucking huge and so hard

And all I want is him in my mouth

So I put my mouth around him and start sucking

"Oh my god", he shouts

Smirking, I take more of him in, sucking hard and fast

"Jesus Christ. Fuck"

I like hearing him

I like that it feels good for him

While I like getting oral, I like giving it too

A lot

I want him to feel just as good as he makes me feel, if not more

Sliding off his cock, I lick him from base to tip, over and over

When my tongue runs on the underside of his head, he moans louder

Found where he likes it the most

I move my tongue faster and faster right in that spot, making him yell loudly

After a little, I suck on just his head

His hand goes in my hair and he moans, "Yes, fuck yes baby"

Taking all of him in my mouth, I keep sucking on him, running my tongue everywhere

"Oh fuck Joanne, Joanne! Yes!", he cries, coming

Fuck, his cum tastes so fucking good

How can cum taste this good?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I swallow, wanting more

When he finishes I move off him

He's still leaking a little, so I press my tongue to his head licking his cum off him

"Fuck", he shivers

"My Jinnie tastes so fucking good", I praise him

He growls, pushing me on my back

"I need to feel you around me"

"Yes Jinnie", I agree, needing that too

He gets on top of me, kissing me hard as he thrusts inside

"Yes!", I shout, feeling so good already

He starts moving hard and fast, making me yelp with each thrust

"Fuck Jo, I love how tight you are. You're fucking perfect for me"

"Mmm Jin. Your cock feels so good, fucking touching everywhere I want"

"Good princess, I want you to feel good"

"You are making me feel good Jin", I moan

He keeps moving, pleasure filling my body

I'm right there, he just needs to slam a few more times

I clench his cock tightly, making him gasp

"Fuck, motherfuck, princess. Don't let go", he pleads

"I won't baby", I whimper

"Cum on me baby. Please, I need it. I want to feel it again. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since last time"

Oh god

Thank god it's not only me thinking about last time

He slams in, hitting my spot and I scream his name, coming hard and shaking under him

"Seokjin! Fuck Seokjin!"

Jin buries his face in my neck, "Oh god, oh god, yes princess, yes Jo"

He pulls out when I'm done, flipping me over on my stomach

I get up on my hands and knees, just as he pounds back in

"Fuck Jin!", I shout, pleasure coming back hard and fast

His hands grip my hips hard while he slams inside, going in deeper than before

"More! More Jin"

God sex hasn't felt this good in a long time

"More baby?", he teases

I nod my head rapidly

"Princess likes my cock in her?"

"Yes Jin, fuck I love your cock".

"Good princess, it's all for you."

Fuck yes

"Mine?", I ask

"Yours, just yours", he confirms

Good, I want him all the time

I start moving, sliding up and down his cock while he keeps slamming

"Yes princess oh god!", he groans

"Oh my god, Jin, Jin, Jin!", I scream, my orgasm hitting me hard and fast

Oh my god, I've never felt this much pleasure before

It's fucking blinding me

"Gggg...good girl", Jin praises

Again, Jin pulls out and maneuvers me

He lays against the headboard of my bed, lifting me on top of him, putting me on his cock

"Oh god Jinnie", I sigh

I don't know what's going on with me but I really do love him inside

I can't get enough of him

"Ride me baby", he requests

I nod, starting to move up and down his shaft

Fuck he's so hard and feels so good

"Fuck Jinnie, you feel so good", I praise him

"No Jo, you feel so good. Fuck, I never want to leave"

"Don't Jin. Don't. You don't have to. Stay baby", I moan

"I can?", he asks

"Yes Jinnie. I want you to stay"

"Ok baby. I'll stay princess. I want to so much "

His hands move up and down my body, caressing me gently

He's making me feel good, so wanted

I close my eyes, still bouncing and just feel him

Suddenly I feel his lips on my stomach, kissing me

I open my eyes, looking down, watching him

I feel his tongue licking my skin and it makes me moan from how good it feels

He licks and sucks on my skin

"Can I baby?", he asks

I nod

Fuck yes

He goes back to sucking my skin, leaving his marks all over my stomach

I fucking love it

My hands slide in his hair, pulling hard

"Yes Jo, fuck it feels so good"

He leans back, lifting his eyes to me, watching me ride him

He runs his hand down my sides

"So fucking sexy", he murmurs

His hand goes down my body more

More pleasure hits me when he starts playing with my clit

"Mine?", he asks looking up at me

I nod

Yes, hell yes

"Yours", I answer

"Just mine?"

"Yes just yours, anytime you want Jinnie"

The smile he gives me is fucking gorgeous and takes my breath away

The next time I come down on him, he thrusts up going in deep and hitting my spot

"Jin! Oh my god"

We keep moving together and he keeps playing with my clit

I feel myself ready to explode

"Do it baby", he moans

"Seokjin! Seokjin!", I scream, pure pleasure hitting me hard as I cum

I can't stop my body from shaking hard

I can't think, my brain just shuts off from the ecstasy

"You're so beautiful Joanne", he whispers, his hands touching my body everywhere

Heat floods my skin everywhere his fingers touch

"Again Jo. Please. For me", he begs

"Yes Jin. Anything for you"

"Good girl"

I slam down on him hard just as he slams up, pure pleasure hitting me hard

"Yes Jin. More. Harder!"

"Yes baby. Fuck yes", he shouts

"Jin. Jin. Oh my god Jin!", I scream again, stars blasting in my vision when I orgasm

"Joanne! Yes Joanne!", he screams, coming hard, his body shaking too, "Baby you feel so good, oh my god, yes!"

"Mmmm, good baby boy", I moan, feeling his warm cum fill me so well

God even him coming feels so fucking good

When he finishes, he helps me off him and I lay next to him

I pull him to me and he comes willingly

He smiles at me and I can't fucking believe I didn't notice how beautiful it is before today

I move his sweaty hair from his face, smiling at him too

"You're smile is so beautiful Jo", he says softly, touching my face

Oh damn

I'm so fucking happy he thinks my smile is beautiful

But it's no where compared to his

"Not as beautiful as yours Jinnie.", I answer, touching his face too, "Worldwide handsome"

He laughs a little

Jesus that sound is so sexy

"Kiss me Jin", I ask

His face bursts in a smile again as he leans closer to me, his lips on mine

Goddamn it, his kisses are amazing

His tongue slides in my mouth, making me whimper

"Don't leave Jin. Stay with me", I ask, then kiss him back

The next time we stop kissing, he answers, "Yea Jo. I want to stay"

I nod, "Ok"

"Ok", he repeats, his lips on mine again

I need to tell him

I know why I keep thinking of him

I like him so much more than a friend

It's like last week opened my eyes and tonight confirmed it

"Jin-", I start

"I know princess. You're mine ok?"

I smile shyly, "Yeah? Are you sure?"

He nods, "I am. I'll talk to Namjoon ok? I'll tell him we really like each other and are together. That is uh...if you want-"

"Yes Jinnie", I smile wider, "I have feelings for you Jinnie and I want to be with you"

He smiles, relief in his features, "Good princess. Just to be clear I have feelings for you too. Massive feelings"

I giggle, "I know Jinnie. I got that from before"

"Oh good"

Leaning to him, I press my lips to his soft plump ones in a sweet kiss

He pulls me in his arms, kissing me back and I'm so happy I have my Jinnie

"Time to sleep Jinnie?", I ask, after the kiss ends

"Yeah princess. I'm gonna snuggle you all night"

I giggle as we move in each other's arms, our bodies tangling together

"Night princess", he says, kissing my forehead

"Night baby"

Closing my eyes, I let myself drift off to sleep, safe in my Jinnie's arms

71 notes · View notes

honeytae · 2 years

Text

“As if I wouldn’t beat the boogeyman’s ass, anyways.”

hi @babeejeon <3 thank you for being so patient with me, i really hope you enjoy this!

genre: fluff, f2l!au, non-idol!au

word count: 2.2k

“Jin, I literally offered to go with you to get your tires checked,” you groaned, speech muffled by your hands as you defeatedly smushed your face into them.

You didn’t need to look over at him in the drivers seat to know he had a smirk on his face, thoroughly enjoying the fact that he was pushing your buttons. He chuckled under his breath as he reached over to you, attempting to pry your hands apart to reveal your face.

“C’mon, don’t be like that, doll. My tires are fine!” he grinned, shrieking when you unfolded your arm to hit him in the chest, your glare wavering a bit at the sight of his smile.

“What was that for?” he asked, bewildered as he pointed to the lack of icons on his dash. “Look, my tire light isn’t even on!”

“You’re so annoying,” you huffed, pulling on the door handle to step out of the car, hearing Seokjin do the same from behind you.

You clenched your jaw at his stubbornness. You loved Seokjin, but he really drove you crazy sometimes. Obviously his car was not fine, as it had broken down on the side of the road twenty minutes ago, halfway to your road trip destination.

He joined you as you sat on the curb, tilting your face back to catch the last few glimmers of sun before it set for the evening. It was slightly windy, the beginning signs of a summer storm coming in.

A shiver shook through your upper body as the wind carried a bit more of a chill than your thin t-shirt was capable of handling, glancing over at Jin as he nudged your knee with his.

You smirked at the sight of him with his sweatshirt off, opening the bottom for you to put your head in. Rolling his eyes, Seokjin pushed it towards you, hooking it onto your neck so that all you needed to do was pull it down over your chest and put your arms into it.

“You’re so stubborn sometimes,” he remarked, tipping his head back in laughter when you shot him a look, both of you knowing how hypocritical the words were.

“You’re one to talk,” you murmured, pursing your lips together as you put the hoodie on properly, ignoring the satisfied smile sitting on your friends face as he watched out of the corner of his eye.

You sat in silence for a few moments as cars passed you by, resting your cheek on your sweater paw-clad hand as you wondered how much longer it would be until the tow bed made its awaited appearance.

You flinched when a raindrop hit your nose, sighing in acceptance when another one landed on your cheek and trailed down your jaw.

“We should head back to the car,” Seokjin mused when he glanced up at the black clouds looming in ahead. You hummed in response as you began to sit up properly, preparing your stiff legs to stand.

What you didn’t prepare yourself for, however, was the skies opening up in half a second, rain pouring down in buckets from the sky as booming thunder crackled across the town.

“Oh, shit,” Seokjin could barely be heard as he sprung up from the curb, extending his arms to hoist you up from the ground. You raised your arms above your head for him to grab your hands, letting him tug you straight with a surprising amount of strength.

He unleashed a dramatic yell that sounded much like a war cry as he pulled you into his chest, your back shaking in laughter as he shielded you from the rain while stumbling over your feet back to the car, wiping tears from your eyes with the sweater he’d given you as he shoved you into the backseat and climbed over you to get himself out of the torrential downpour.

As you looked over at him sitting next to you, hair dripping around his ears as his eyes crinkled accompanied by the quiet sound of his giggle, you felt warmth spread through your chest. Yeah, he was crazy. But you adored him with every fiber in your being, and there’s nobody else you would rather be sitting and waiting for a tow truck with.

And as it turned out, the damage wasn’t too bad. The car had some minor fuel system issues, and according to the tow truck operator, it should be out of the shop by tomorrow afternoon.

It was just long enough for you two to need to find somewhere to spend the night, wandering through the - now sunny - town you’d been plopped in until you found a cute family-run inn.

“Alright sir, unfortunately I only have a room with two queens available tonight.”

The frowning woman at the front desk glanced up from her computer awaiting an answer, eyes bouncing between yourself and Seokjin as he knit his eyebrows together in confusion.

“That’s perfect, thank you,” you chuckled, nudging his shoulder with your own as she got to work typing away on her keyboard, reserving your room for the night.

You stifled a giggle when Seokjin turned to face you, a look of comical surprise at her seemingly assuming you two were together and definitely planning on sharing a large bed tonight. His cheeks glowed pink under the lights, making you want to whip your phone out and take a picture.

“Could I just have a card to keep on file?”

At the woman’s request, both of you perked up to dig into your respective wallets, trying to beat each other to slapping your cards down on the desk.

Ultimately it was Jin who slid his card over first, using his other hand to clasp your wrist so that you couldn’t give yours.

“Dammit, Jin,” you cursed under your breath, cracking a smile when you heard his windshield wiper laugh erupt from his throat.

“Okay, you two are all set. Have a nice stay, and just let us know if you need anything,” she smiled warmly at you, both of you taking a little bow before gathering your bags, Seokjin collecting his card back from the desk as you lead the way down the hall to the rooms.

“I’m racing you to checkout tomorrow,” you smirked. “Gonna switch our cards while you’re asleep.”

Seokjin chortled at your response, raising his eyebrows over at you in challenge. He shifted the duffel bag slung over his shoulder, swiftly grabbing yours from your hand.

“C’mon, we both know you’d never actually wake up before me.”

The smugness in his tone made you shoot him a look, sticking your tongue out at him as the doors chimed open in front of you.

Seokjin was right to be smug. He literally knew everything about you.

He knew the way you liked your eggs, your unhealthy obsession with purchasing plants you could never keep alive, and your distain for pumping your own gas. Even though he teased you about it, he still picked up your car and filled your tank for you sometimes.

He was a great friend, and overall, a fascinating person.

You’d first met at a train stop years ago, back when you were trying to get out of the summer tourist attraction of Seoul for the weekend. Two days away from the scorching city was all you could afford back then, adding to your moodiness when the train ended up running hours late, leaving you and a bunch of other expectant passengers sitting around the boiling outdoor station.

Seokjin, being the extrovert he was, had naturally struck up conversations with a few other people, annoying you slightly when you tried to put your headphones in and he was suddenly up in your space, passionately demanding to know your favorite flavor of ramen.

The ramen debate was the start of an interesting friendship. Jin certainly kept you on your toes, fascinating you with every choice he made. You aren’t sure you’ve ever met a person quite like him.

“I call the bed closest to the window,” he announced as he held the door open for you, sliding the key down into the pocket of his shorts.

“Okay?” You chuckled, plopping your bag down on the opposite bed. “Is there a reason why?”

Sitting down, you watched with amusement as he nodded his head, kneeling on the floor to unpack the waters from his backpack and put them into the mini fridge.

“Because the other one is closest to the door.”

You pressed your lips together to fight your laughter, laying back on the bed and staring at the ceiling as you listened for more of an explanation. It never came.

“So, my best friend is scared of the boogeyman,” you said, more of a statement to yourself than a question directed at him. “Jin, I hope you know that the boogey man can climb through windows, too.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, doll. These windows are bolted shut,” He said matter-of-factly, throwing a dramatized weary glance to the windows to see if they were indeed bolted as you chuckled behind him.

“As if I wouldn’t beat the boogeyman’s ass, anyways.” You simpered, flexing your arm to show your winning weaponry.

“You know,” Seokjin raised his eyebrows, walking the distance to your bed before collapsing onto the mattress messily, “I’d actually pay good money to see that.”

Welcoming your legs onto his lap as you tossed them over, he held your shins steady on his thighs, closing his eyes in the most relaxation he’d had in hours.

“I could fall asleep like this,” he spoke his thoughts aloud, laughing when you broke the silence by banishing him from hogging your bed.

“Hey! You called dibs on the other bed, now off!”

It was later in the night that the subject came up again, when you both had turned off the television in favor of slumber. In your respective beds, you had both bid goodnight.

That was an hour beforehand, and you were well on your way to a deep sleep.

Until-

“Hey doll?”

Jin’s whisper cut through the room like shattering glass, startling you awake to look over at his side of the room.

“Jin?” You responded in a mumble, the room remaining silent for a few long moments as you sat up in bed. Maybe you had imagined it.

“Are you awake?”

Okay, you were most definitely not dreaming it. Seokjin was sat up in bed, shirtless, trying to talk to you at some ungodly hour of the night.

“No, Jin, I’m sleepwalking,” you grumbled, internally cringing when you realized just how snarky you sounded. You’d never been the peachiest when awoken from a good sleep.

“What is it? Is something wrong?” You softened, met with a sigh followed by more sheet rustling, Jin situating himself down further under his covers.

“Can’t sleep,” he said, turning to you with a pleading gaze, “could you come here for a minute? I feel cold,” he spoke eventually, his rare vulnerability putting you into action immediately.

Jin wasn’t one to ask for anything, typically. As you’d learned over the years, it was a lot easier for him to give than take. So when he asked for something, you gave it to him immediately.

You untangled yourself from your own sheets, wrapping yourself in your blanket before stumbling the two steps over to his mattress, Jin scooting over to allow you proper room to settle in beside him.

Now seated, you gently grabbed ahold of his wrist, breathing in when you felt his pulse against your skin. When you looked up at him, his eyes were already on yours, following you when you leaned against his shoulder and settled back into the headboard.

“Wanna talk about it?” You offered quietly, stretching your legs out in front of you as you awaited an answer. Your view of the alarm clock told you that it was nearing 3am, something you wouldn’t know by the awakened rate of your heart in the silence of the unknown.

You took notice of Jin’s fingers picking at his cuticles, placing your hands over his appendages to guide them away from each other.

“We don’t have to,” you mentioned quietly. In response, he lightly squeezed your hand, tilting his head to look out the window, shoulders dropping as he cast his gaze out at the moon’s glow through the curtains.

“I’ve been having nightmares,” he started, sighing as he continued, “for the last week. They’ve given me an irrational fear of sleep,” he chuckled humorlessly. “I’m disappointed, frustrated with myself, confused,” he inhaled, “and I’m sorry.”

Knitting your brows together, you sat up from the headboard, setting a hand on his thigh to crane yourself around to look him in the eye. Confusion coursed through you, not understanding why he would feel guilt for experiencing a hard time.

“There’s no reason to apologize, Jin,” you assured, frowning as he blinked back at you, “if something’s troubling you,” you shrugged, “I care about you. I can- I will always listen,” you murmured.

You felt your heart skip a beat when his lips finally curved, the corners lifting into his cheeks as he nodded along to your not so eloquent words.

You’d never been the best with expressing yourself, something you’d had to work on over the years. “It’s endearing,” he had told you months before, laughing at the genuine confusion plastered on your face.

But now you couldn’t help but believe him, as the only thing that’d made him smile since you came over to his bed was you stumbling over your sentiments.

Guilt once again seeping into your veins, you sighed. “And I’m sorry for teasing you about the boogeyman. I didn’t know you-”

“Don’t apologize for that, doll,” He interrupted your train of thought. “I’m not having those kinds of nightmares,” he smiled, thoroughly amused despite the eye bags hanging on his cheeks. “I know you’d beat him up for me anyways,” he shrugged. With the man patting the mattress beside him with his palm, you crawled back up to the space, relaxing into the mattress again.

It wasn’t bad for a bed away from home, relatively soft and welcoming for your tired bodies. But really, you think your main source of comfort is Jin.

You hoped you could provide the same kind of comfort as you guided his head to your shoulder, not skipping a beat when he wrapped his arms around your torso, pulling you down into a flat position as you spread your blanket over him too.

You failed to notice the blush on his cheeks as you wrapped your arm around his chest and buried your fingers in his hair, taking turns combing it away from his face and scratching at his scalp.

What you did notice was his racing heartbeat against your head, hoping it didn’t indicate any further signs of distress.

Though a few minutes later, when you pulled back to meet his sleepy eyes, you assumed the reason behind his high heart rate was the same as yours.

#bts fanfiction #bts reader insert #bts x reader #bts fluff #bts friends to lovers #f2l au #bts imagines #kim seokjin fanfiction #kim seokjin x reader #kim seokjin fluff #kim seokjin imagines #seokjin fanfiction #seokjin x reader #seokjin fluff #seokjin f2l #fanficton #fluff #imagines #reader insert

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nethskelie · 2 years

Text

(n) things that are known or proved to be true

♠ series, social media au with some written parts – part of the Il y Aura Des Jours Meilleurs collection

♥ strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, crack, a bit of angst, seokjin x reader, outcast!reader, college!au

♣ Summary: When Seokjin's friends decided to share his number with the whole campus with a note saying "text me," nobody would have thought that you of all people would do so.

♦ Trigger Warnings: a lot of hospital life is involved, swearing, abandonment issues, I can't think of anything else for now

DISCLAIMER: this is a piece of fiction; how the characters are portrayed doesn't necessarily reflect on how they are in real life

♠♥♣♦

Profiles

Chapter 1: The Girl With a Pearl Earring

Chapter 2: Egyptian Pharaoh Akhenaten

Chapter 3: George McClellan

Chapter 4: John McAfee

Chapter 5: Vincent Van Gogh

Chapter 6: André-François Raffray

Chapter 7: Pearl

Chapter 8: Margaret Corbin

Chapter 9: Hatshepsut

Chapter 10: Nikola Tesla

Chapter 11: Jon Favreau

Chapter 12: Pearl II

Chapter 13: Lucy Ellmann

Chapter 14: Mount Rushmore

Chapter 15: Pearl III

Chapter 16: Jein Junhlook

more coming soon...

♠♥♣♦

BTS Masterlist

♠♥♣♦

a.n.: because I won't be able to update the story for two weeks in July, I'm thinking of sharing the profiles and the first chapters just to settle everything and I'll come back in August for the rest, but I don't know yet :[

a.n.2: when I said I was thinking of sharing the first chapters I didn't think of publishing until chapter 7 but I guess we never know what'll happen in the future

#bts #bts smau #bts fanfiction #kim seokjin #kim seokjin smau #kim seokjin fanfiction #jin #jin fanfiction #jin smau #seokjin x yn #seokjin x reader #jin x reader

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sope-and-shine · 1 year

Text

Maybe We’re A Movie | Part 3

-> Pairing: Jin x Reader

-> fluff // minor angst

-> Word Count: 8k

-> Summary: Living in the city far away from home, you tend to miss out on family news. So, when you return home for the holiday’s, all you plan to do is spend time with family and catch up on everything you’ve missed since your last visit. You expected the jabs at living so far away and the poking at your barren love life, but you don’t expect to actually find love. Meeting the town’s newest resident and baker, you find yourself falling for his charm and good looks. Everything about him is just so magical…but there’s something strange going on with him and his shop that you can’t quite place. Is it just your hesitation to let him be a Christmas fling? Or is it something more?

-> Warning(s): Taegi side pairing, yoonji and hobi side pairing, mild language, lots of familial rough housing, teasing, constant poking and prodding about relationship status, typical ‘when are you going to settle down’ trope, talk about yoongi’s shaky coming out and love life, very Hallmark-esque

a/n: For anyone wondering, the last post will be on Christmas day

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 4

You thought when you mentioned spending the next few days helping out Jin at BE, that Yoonji or your Mom - even Yoongi - would make some sort of comment about it. They all just seemed…dismissive when you mentioned it. Like they all just lost their excitement out of nowhere. It’s not like it really bothered you. It was weird, but not something that would really hold you back.

Both you and Jin have easily found a great system with each other. Just like your system the day you and Jeongguk came to help, you’ve found a way to divide your tasks and keep the store running smoothly. If he needs a present wrapped and you aren’t busy, then you’re on it. If he needs a present and some goodies, he handles the present and you take care of the goodies. It’s the perfect system, and it works even better with him communicating with you constantly.

He makes sure to tell you what he needs done or if he needs a break. And if you have downtime and he can help you in the kitchen, then he will. The two of you just connect so easily, and it barely even feels like you’re working when you’re with him. It’s only been a few days, but you feel like you’ve known him for weeks.

The door to the kitchen opens and you look up, Jin standing in the doorway holding the door open, “How are the brownies coming?” He asks.

“Pretty good! What do you think?” You put down your piping bag and pick up a brownie, careful not to ruin the Christmas Tree design you’re copying on each one.

“It looks great!” He drops the door to come and take a closer look. He reaches out with his hand and you think he’s going to take it from you, but instead he holds the back of your hand. You try to ignore the gesture while he inspects your work, part of you hoping he’d hurry up and say something while the other hopes he takes his time. He nods in approval, “Are you sure you have to go back to work? I can’t just keep you for my own personal agenda?”

You shake your head, “Unfortunately, you’ll have to fight my crazy, 5’9 work wife if you want me to stay here.”

“Oh! I don’t do crazy. I get enough of that from Jimin and Namjoon.” He jokes. He lets go of your hand and turns so he can lean against the counter, “But you would stay if it wasn’t up to your work wife?”

“That’s not exactly what I said…” You hadn’t meant to make it sound like you were enjoying yourself, but you really were. You’ve been doing something you’ve dreamt about doing since you were little and it’s actually working fairly well. It’s hard to not want it to keep going, “I mean, I definitely enjoy baking for most of my day and decorating. Plus, I get to listen to music back here, and I get some pretty nice views.”

“I know I’m handsome, but you don’t have to say anything~” He teases, earning himself an eye roll from you.

You playfully tap his arm with the back of your hand, “I was referring to Jimin, but I’ll let you think that.”

“You barely even see Jimin during the day!” He gasps, suddenly offended. You laugh and he scoffs, That’s so cold!”

You shrug, “Life is like that.”

The bell above the door rings and catches both your and Jin’s attention. He sighs, “Well, duty calls.”

He pushes himself off the counter and heads to the front while you get back to work decorating. It’s short lived when you hear who Jin greets, “Hello, Bora~ How are you today?”

You grab a towel to wipe your hands and use your shoulder to open the swinging door, seeing not only Bora, but a few members of your family as well. Bora stands right in front of her parents, bundled up in her winter coat. Yoongi and Taehyung are in front of the display looking at baked goods. Jeongguk is nowhere to be seen, but you’re sure he’s here somewhere.

“Well, if it isn’t my lovely sister~” Yoonji greets with a mischievous smile, Hoseok standing next to her with an arm over her shoulder. She looks between you and Jin, “Are you enjoying yourself?”

You decide to ignore her obvious meddling for the time being, “Yeah, I’m having fun.”

“Which ones did you do?” Yoongi asks from in front of the glass.

“Almost all of them!” Jin pipes up, a big smile on his face, “I helped with a couple here and there, but these are all her.”

Bora toddles over and takes a look herself. She tilts her head in confusion and points at something behind the glass, “What about that one? It’s face is messed up.”

Jin takes a look and doesn’t hesitate to shift blame, “Oh, that was definitely your Aunt (Y/n).”

You scoff, “Was not!”

“Do you have any proof?” He asks, smirking thinking that he’s got you.

You cross your arms and give it right back to him, “Do you?”

He frowns and puts his hands up in defeat, “Touché.”

“Ah, so you really are enjoying yourself~” Yoonji notes. She’s smiling, and you can tell in her mind she thinks she’s won.

You don’t let it bother you, “I am enjoying my time away from the house. Yes. What are all of you doing out of the house?”

“Jeongguk and Bora wanted to come and see you.” Hoseok answers.

“Taehyung also wanted more of your cookies.” Yoongi adds.

“It’s true. Can I get a dozen?” Taehyung asks, looking up from the display. He looks back down and steps back so he can look further down at more options. He looks back up, “Maybe 2 dozen?”

You laugh, “Sure thing, Taehyung.” You reach down and grab one of the bigger boxes to fill his order.

Bora turns to Jin and grabs onto his apron, pulling at it, “Do you have any candy, Jinnie?”

“Any candy?” He pats his chest pocket, his lower apron pocket, and his pants pockets. A sad look takes over his face and he holds up his empty hands, “Oh no, Bora. I don’t think I have any candy on me today…”

“Oh...” It’s easy to tell she’s disappointed, but she tries to let it go, “Okay.”

Jin tries to hide his smile as he turns to his cash register. He reaches his arm over the counter and pretends to feel around, slowly conjuring something better than candy to give to one of his best customers. He pulls his arm back out and shows off a small, pink bunny stuffie, “But I have this!”

“A bunny!” Bora cheers, clapping her hands together, “It’s small and cute!”

“Just like you, shortie.” He hands it to her and she pulls it right into her chest, “That is all yours.”

She brings it up to her cheek and rubs it against her face, “Thanks, Jinnie.”

Suddenly, Yoonji claps her hands together, “Oh, that reminds me! We aren’t just here for the kids.”

“You aren’t?” You ask, pausing mid-grab for a brownie to look up at your sister.

“No!” Hoseok adds, suddenly remembering what they came for as well. His smile isn’t quite as telling as Yoonji’s, but you can tell the two of them plotted something together, “We’re actually here because Mom wants to invite Jin over for dinner?”

Jin places a hand over his heart, feigning disbelief, “Me? Experience Mrs. Min’s cooking? Yes please.”

Yoonji nods, “Her only request was that you bring anything that doesn’t get eaten from your display.”

“Oh, I can make that happen. I’ll have my best worker box them up.” He turns to you with a big smile and you try to ignore the heat rising in your cheeks, “(Y/n), could you ask Jimin to get a box for later?”

Your face drops. You shouldn’t be surprised that he’d pull something like this, “Oh, ha. Ha. You’re so funny.” You say sarcastically, glaring at your family as they snicker at you. You go back to helping Taehyung, “I will get right on that.”

‘Ass.’ You think to yourself.

“Isn’t she great?” Jin asks, very proud of himself.

“She sure is~” Yoonji agrees. She claps her hands again and moves to fix Bora’s hat, “Well, we have plenty of things to get done, so we wont keep you. Taehyung, did you get what you wanted?”

He waves his hand behind him, not making an effort to look away from the display, “Hold on, I’m deciding between 2 somethings…”

“You might get one later,” You remind him.

“But I might not!”

“I wouldn’t mess with him and his desserts,” Yoongi warns. He places a gentle hand on Taehyung’s back, “He’s pretty serious about them.”

“We need to collect Jeongguk anyway.” Hoseok steps away from his wife to find him, “JK! We’re getting ready to go!”

It didn’t take long for Taehyung to finish his selection and Hoseok to find Jeongguk. They left and you immediately got back to work, only it left you worrying about what the night had in store for you.

Of course, you know your family is a group of meddlers. It was suspicious that they stopped bugging you about settling down, but you pushed it away. You knew you should’ve questioned it more.

Now, you’re left walking home with Jin by your side. He’s carrying 2 large confectionary boxes where you carry 1 medium box, both of you carefully walking over the mostly cleared pathway. It’s a bit smaller than normal, and it has you occasionally bumping into the business owner next to you, Though, a part of you is sure he bumped into you at least twice on purpose.

You make it to your home and take the lead, walking alongside the cleared part of your driveway, “Watch your step.”

“So, is there anything I should know before we go inside?” Jin asks, following your lead and watching for ice.

You laugh, “Well, I should probably warn you that every night leading up to the New Year is family game night.”

He shrugs, unaware of the danger he’s actually in, “I like games.”

It’s unfortunate that he really only sees the good parts of your family, “Yes, but tonight is MMA night.”

This seems to stop him in his tracks, several feet before your front door, “What?”

“Yeah…I definitely suggest eating as much as you can and then pretending to be so sick you have to go home,” You joke, “If not, then you better hope whoever fights you goes easy on you.”

He looks between you, your front door, and the path back to the road and sighs, “Well, it might be a bit rude to dine and dash, so I guess I’ll just hope for the best.”

You open the door and step inside, moving out of the way just enough so Jin can squeeze past you with his boxes, “We’re here!”

“Auntie (Y/n)!” Bora yells. You can hear the padding of her feet leaving the kitchen.

Another set of footsteps come running from upstairs, Jeongguk sliding onto the hardwood floors from the staircase just after Bora, “Jin!”

Both kids swarm you, hugging your legs and bogging you down with questions. You see Taehyung come speed-walking from the kitchen and you think he’s going to come to your aid, but he immediately locks onto the two boxes in Jin’s hands, “I’ll take those.”

“Uh- Taehyung?” You call after him. He doesn’t stop, he only pauses to bump Yoongi with his hip when they pass each other on his way to the kitchen. You make eye contact with your brother and gesture downwards. He seems to get the message.

Seems to.

“I’ll take this one.” He says, completely ignoring his niece attached to your leg and grabbing the single box in your hands. He turns to leave for the kitchen, but not before calling over his shoulder, “(Y/n)‘ll show you where the extra slippers are.”

“I got it!” Bora yells. She rushes over to the shoe rack your Mom keeps at the front door and digs through it, dropping a shoe here and there just to pull out - not only - a pair for Jin, but for you as well. She places each pair right in front of the both of you as you work towards kicking off your shoes, “Here!”

“Oh, thank you, Bora! You’re such a big helper.” Jin says, stepping into the slippers she got for him and moving his shoes to the shoe rack.

Your Dad comes rushing out of the kitchen, “Dinner is gonna be done in 10 minutes!” He makes a turn at the stairs and rushes up, probably going to grab something for game night before he forgets.

Jin chuckles, “I guess we made it just in time.”

“Yeah, but we already started some of the games, so you 2 are at a tactical disadvantage.” Jeongguk says, very nonchalant.

“You started without us?” You ask, making sure you heard him correctly.

“Yeah, but you’ll get them back!” You’re about to say something, but your Dad calls for Jeongguk from upstairs. He takes off as soon as he hears him call, “Coming!”

You decide to let it go and return your focus to Jin, but it would seem Bora’s already beat you to it. She’s taken one of his hands into her tiny one, and she’s pulling him towards the living room, “Jinnie! Come look at our tree!”

“To the tree I go.” He announces, giving you an amused grin and following after the queen herself. You follow, watching as Bora shows Jin every ornament on the tree. It’s cute the way he pretends to be excited after every one, even asking her questions about what she likes about them or doesn’t like. He entertains her right up until dinner is called.

Everyone shuffles into the kitchen and around the dinner table, and you grab a serving dish on your way to help out. You reach over Jeongguk - who’s already seated - and place it in the center of everyone before you move around to claim your own seat

You go to sit next to Bora, but she throws her little arms in front of it before you can pull it out. You want to ask her what she’s doing, but she looks right at Jin with a beaming smile, “You can sit by me, Jin! Auntie (Y/n) can sit next to you!”

He gasps - a bit over-dramatically, “That sounds like a great suggestion!” He comes around to take his seat and you move into the seat next to him, pushing yourself in.

Your Mom brings over the last dish from the counter and sets it right in front of your Dad. She smiles when it’s in its place, and you notice your Dad watching her with a proud smile of his own, “It looks delicious, honey. Thank you~”

She sits down next to him and sighs, “You’re very welcome~” She leans in and your Dad gives her a quick peck, Bora squealing at the scene and making them laugh.

“It’s okay, Bora~” Hoseok coos, smoothing his daughter's hair in the back, “Grandma and Grandpa can do that because they’re married, but you can’t do that with anyone or else you’ll get cooties. You don’t want cooties, right?”

She shakes her head, “Cooties are gross!”

“That’s right.”

“Good luck with that, Hoseok. I told my girls that, and one of them ended up with her brother’s best friend!” Your Dad jokes, reaching out to start filling his plate.

“Yeah, but that’s different.” He says. He turns to Bora, “It’s very different, Bora.”

“What’s the difference?” She asks, big brown eyes staring back up at her father.

Hoseok blinks a couple times, very unsure of how to answer and you laugh, “Yeah, what’s the difference?”

“You know what? The difference is so big that Daddy can’t explain it all right now. All you need to know is that boys are icky and you don’t need them!” He explains. He meets eyes with Taehyung and thinks for a minute before adding, “Girls are icky too.”

“How about instead of cooties, we focus on the yummy dinner grandma made?!” Yoonji interrupts, reaching around Hoseok for Bora’s plate to fill it.

“Yeah!”

Everyone fills their plates, getting whatever they want as they make small talk. Of course, they ask about your day with Jin. You try to remain neutral about it, but Jin feeds right into their hands. It’s not like he doesn’t know what they’re doing. He’s absolutely adding fuel to their fire because he knows it bugs you. You just try to eat your food in peace and answer when you need to.

“So, (Y/n) tells me that tonight is MMA night?” He brings up towards the end of dinner, “I just have to ask that you don’t go for the face.”

Your Mom shakes her head, covering her mouth until she’s swallowed her food, “Well, we thought about it and we figured that MMA night might be a bit much for your first dinner with us.”

“Now we’re playing Twister!” Jeongguk cheers.

However, the announcement takes you by surprise, “Twister? I thought Twister was rightfully banned after Yoongi broke his arm?”

“Yes, but that was years ago!” Yoonji adds in, waving her hand like it’s nothing, “It’s never too late to try something again.”

They all seem so nonchalant about a game that was literally almost thrown away because of how competitive your family gets. You try not to think about it too much, but it’s hard when you know they’re up to something. The only thing you can do now is hope that whatever it is they do doesn’t completely embarrass you or put you in the hospital.

Everyone helps to clean up after dinner, those that don’t fit in the kitchen helping to set up the living room for the rest of game night. You help Taehyung transfer the goodies you brought home to a serving tray, having to tap his hand every now and then when he tries to shove another in his mouth.

“We need some for the games, Taehyung!” You scold, trying to hold in your laughter after he shoves an entire brownie into his mouth.

His cheeks are puffed out like a chipmunk, and he sounds completely muffled when he answers you, “ ‘m jus’ e’t’ng.”

Thankfully, you have plenty of treats for game night, and there’s plenty of room or everyone even with an added player. You set them on the coffee table that was moved closer to the Christmas tree, checking how close it is to the Twister board before deciding it’s in anokay place.

“Alright, so since we have an even number, we’ll just keep mostly the same teams. Jeongguk and Bora can be on a team-” Yoonji turns away from the kiddos to you and Jin, “-and (Y/n) and Jin can be on a team!”

You roll your eyes, ‘So this is what they were planning…’ You think to yourself.

Jeongguk shrugs, “Sounds good to me!”

“Me too.” Jin nods.

All eyes turn to you, and you just smile and nod, “Yeah, that’s fine.”

Everyone splits into their pairs and the games starts, going easy with Jeongguk and Bora first. Of course, Bora’s balance isn’t the best and she ends up falling. Thankfully, Jeongguk being the best uncle pretends to lose his balance too and falls down beside her. Your parents aren’t quite as spritely as they used to be. They both get a bit farther than Bora and Jeongguk, but your Dad ends up getting a cramp in his leg and needing to take a minute.

Taehyung and Yoongi are where it starts getting interesting. You thought that Taehyung of all people would be the best sport at the game, but as soon as the game starts he’s trash talking Yoongi like there’s no tomorrow.

“Oh, you’re going for that one? That’s a bit too easy for my taste.” He comments when Yoongi chooses a new green dot.

“Tired, Yoongi?” He teases when Yoongi is struggling to keep himself up. He laughs, “Not me. I’m not tired at all.”

But despite his big talk, he ends up slipping anyway.

Yoongi shakes his head, smiling at his lover’s loss, “Taehyung, you’re not supposed to choose all of the dots.”

Yoonji and Hoseok are somehow even worse. Even when you were still allowed to play the game when you were younger, the two of them were terribly competitive. They were the reason Yoongi broke his arm in the first place. Shoving each other, blowing air in the other’s face, licking an elbow or a hand as a last ditch effort to win. The only difference is now they have an impressionable young child.

“Bora! Did you see what your Mommy just did?!” Hoseok shouts after Yoonji tried to elbow his knee out of place, “She’s cheating! Don’t do that.”

“Don’t listen to him, Bora!” Yoonji retaliates, “All is fair in love and war!”

It gets to point that Yoongi himself has to bend down and talk to her one-on-one, “Your Mommy and Daddy are crazy, Bora. Don’t be like either of them.”

They both end up knocking each other over, Hoseok winning by default because Yoonji hit the ground first.

Then it’s you and Jin.

“Ready to be humiliated?” Jin asks you when you get up to the mat.

“That’s funny, I was gonna ask you the same thing.” You retort.

“Right foot blue!” Jeongguk calls out.

Jin does as he’s told and laughs, “We’ll just let the game do the talking.”

And the game really does do the talking. It had started off easy enough, the both of you getting colors that didn’t really intersect each other. And then slowly, one by one your arms started to cross, and then your legs, and soon enough you found yourself in a similar position to Yoonji and Hoseok. It’s awkward enough being pretzeled face-to-face with someone who is technically your boss, but it’s even worse when it’s in front of your family and you aren’t even dating.

“Can you just slip already?” Jin complains after having to move his leg over yours just so he can change colors.

“I don’t know if you remember, but we’re both in the very last spots for the night and the loser does dishes. I am not giving in so easily.” You respond, unwilling to let yourself lose.

“Yeah, yeah. Fine.” He huffs. He waits for you to move your arm to it’s new color, when he feels an itch in his nose, “Would now be a bad time to mention that I have to sneeze.”

You turn your head and glare at him, “Don’t you dare.”

He shakes his head, “I really have to.”

“Then forfeit, but don’t sneeze on me.”

“I’m not forfeiting!”

“Jin, if you sneeze on me-!”

“I’m gonna sneeze!”

“Don’t-”

“I’m-Achoo!” He sneezes, unable to resist the urge. He tries to cover it with his arm, but he ends up knocking into you. As soon as you slip, the leg - that was helping to balance him - disappearing sends him tumbling down on top of you.

“Oh-!” You grunt when his weight falls on top of you, his forehead knocking into your ear.

“Ah~” He pushes himself up just enough to rub his forehead, feeling a slight pain from where he knocked it against you. He looks at you and moves the hair out of your face, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah…I’m good.” You assure him, “You?”

“Nothing broken.” He gets up on his knees, grabbing onto your hands and pulling you up as well. He checks you over one more time just to make sure you’re alright, chuckling to himself, “I guess now I’m falling for you too.”

His face is so close to yours when he says it, and you’re just looking into his eyes. He’s not even looking at you, he’s looking over you to make sure he didn’t hurt you, and you’re just sitting there like an idiot overthinking a pick-up line he’d reused from when you first met. All the while, you’re both still sitting in your family room surrounded by the members of your family.

“Well-” You clear your throat and smooth your hair down yourself, effectively removing his hands from you. You shuffle out from under him and turn to your Mom - the keeper of the games, “-What’s next, Mom?”

Neither of you end up winning at the end of the night, and in the end the both of you are left cleaning up the dishes from dinner. It isn’t that many, but the sting of losing is still there. At least you have plenty of practice from working at the bakery.

“Here-” You hand Jin another plate and he takes it from you, using his drying rag to finish it off. He’s humming to the Christmas song your parents have playing in the living room, “I hope this experience hasn’t ruined my family for you.”

“I actually had a great time tonight,” He answers, “Do you think your family would trade you for me?”

“Oh, in a heartbeat!” You assure him. You both laugh.

In the corner of your eye, you notice Taehyung and Yoongi in the living room. They’re dancing just behind the couch, hands intertwined and foreheads resting together. You can hear what sounds like Taehyung quietly singing, and your heart melts for your brother. He’s not the kind of person to show this side of himself with others, and with Taehyung he does it so easily. You’re just so happy that he’s found someone he can be himself with.

Just behind them, you can see Hoseok gently swaying back and forth. He holds Bora tightly in his arms, his chin resting on her shoulder. From what you can see, it looks like she’s already asleep, but knowing Hoseok he just wants to enjoy a few more minutes with her before he takes her upstairs. Between him and Yoonji, he’s definitely way more sentimental than she is. If he could figure out how to keep Bora as a little girl forever, then he’d sign her up yesterday.

“You’re not getting distracted on me, are you?” Jin asks, breaking you out of your trance.

You turn back to the sink, finding that all the dishes are gone anyway. You huff, “We’re all done. I’m just taking a break.”

“You didn’t even drain the water.” He laughs.

You shrug, eyes wandering back to the living room, “I guess I’m a little distracted…” Jin takes notice of the way you look at your brother and Taehyung, a faint yearning in your eyes. Even if you denied it for the rest of your life, you can’t hide what you secretly want more than anything. And if you wouldn’t tell him outright, then he’d take care of it himself.

He sets his towel down and grabs your right hand with his left, turning you to face him and placing his other hand on your waist. You look shocked when he pulls you into him, but he just goes with it. He interlocks your fingers together and smiles, “So, are you going to let me lead, or are you doing it?”

You can’t help the small smile that forms on your lips as well. You’re not sure how he knew, but you push it away and shake your head, “Lead the way.”

Gently, you both sway back and forth, starting out slow and in time with the music. Once you get a rhythm, that’s when Jin’s swaying becomes a bit more erratic and playful, making you giggle with every pull in a different direction.

“Why are you laughing? We’re dancing!” He asks, turning the both of you 3 times the speed of the music. He does a 180 and spins the both of you the other way, “I don’t get what’s funny.” This continues on, even long after Hoseok has taken Bora to bed and Jeongguk has been sent upstairs to take a shower.

“Having fun?” Your Father asks after a while.

Jin turns the both of you fast again, a huge smile on his face while you try to repress your laughter, “Oh! We’re having a great time!”

“I’m glad, I’m glad.” He nods, “Unfortunately it is getting late, so I’m afraid you’ll have to dance it over to the door.”

You’re glad Jin is facing your Father, because you’re absolutely certain your face shows the disappointment you feel. The night has been going so well, and you’re not ready for it to end yet. Thankfully, neither is Jin, and he takes your Father’s suggestion seriously.

“Whatever you say, Mr. Min.” He nods. He turns your joined hands towards the front door and starts to lead you in that direction. He does a circle around Taehyung and Yoongi - who are also still dancing together - greeting them with ‘gentlemen’ and saying goodbye as well. He spins you in circles to the door, and just when you think he’s done, he surprises you again with a dip for a grand finale. When he brings you back up and steps back, still holding one hand, “I trust you enjoyed your dance for the night?”

“It was surprisingly wonderful.” You laugh.

“Good,” He rubs his thumb over the back of your hand before finally letting it go, “I guess I will get out of your hair now, then.”

“We can give you a ride if you’d like,” Your Mom offers, “It’s pretty late.”

“Thank you for the offer, Mrs. Min, but I don’t mind walking,” He assures her. He takes a peek out the window and smiles, “Tonight’s pretty nice out, don’t you think? I don’t mind the fresh air.”

“Alright, well, let me grab some food for you to take home with you.” She pats his shoulders and he thanks her, your Mom rushing back to the kitchen to get something for him.

“You now-“ Jin starts, slipping off his slippers to change into his shoes, “-I haven’t been to an actual family event in a couple years, so this was really nice.” He struggles with the back of his left shoe before finally slipping it on. He stands up and looks back to where some of your family are still - pretending to - doing their own thing, and turning back to you, “I honestly had a great time.”

“Good. I’m glad.” You nod. You’re unsure how you should end a conversation that you don’t want to end in the first place. Tonight’s been so great, and you just want to hold onto it a bit longer, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“The store won’t open without me.” He jokes, shoving his hands into his pockets

You try to fight back the embarrassment, “Right.”

“Here you are, Seokjin~” Your Mom comes back with a bag full of food.

“Thank you!” He takes it from her with both hands, bowing his head in appreciation, “And thank you for inviting me.”

“It’s not a problem!” She assures him, “Please, come back anytime.”

“I will keep your offer in mind.” He steps towards the door and you open it for him. You’re rigid, and you don’t mean to be. You hope he doesn’t notice. And if he does notice, then you hope he doesn’t say anything. And to his credit, he doesn’t. He just offers you a smile and turns back one last time to bid goodnight to your family, “Goodnight, everyone!”

They all chorus their own goodbyes to him, you adding your own just as he steps through the door and into the cold, “Goodnight, Jin.”

You close the door after him, feeling light. Like that cliche of floating on air, except it feels more like it’s filling you up.

Yoonji puts her book down - the one you know she definitely wasn’t reading, “So, no opinion, huh?”

If you weren’t high on serotonin, you’d probably bite back at her. But even your family’s commentary can’t diminish your good mood.

You bring your hand up to your ear, “Do you hear that? I think it’s my bed calling my name, I think I’m just-” You slowly inch towards the stairs, sprinting up as soon as you’re close enough, “Goodnight!”

You race all the way to your room, closing your door behind you. You can finally breathe again. Not that you couldn’t breathe before, but before it felt like one wrong move would burst the perfect little bubble you’d somehow been trapped in.

You hear a yell from outside. Not one of pain, but out of excitement. Your curiosity gets the best of you, and you take a look outside of your window. You’re surprised to see Jin just out of your driveway, jumping up and down. You watch him skip into the street, spinning and jumping and dancing on his own. You have to stifle a laugh when he trips over his feet and almost drops the food your Mom sent him out with. He pulls the bag up to his chest in a panic, looking back towards your house. He doesn’t see you from your room, and you watch him continue his walk home with a little bounce in his step.

Who knew first impressions could be so wrong? The arrogant, very self-confident baker is actually a sweet, funny, care-free guy. He’s serious, but he barely takes himself seriously. He’s caring, ensuring everyone around him is safe and happy. He thinks of others, and tries to put smiles on their faces. Your whole family loves him.

And you’re starting to think that maybe you love him too.

——

“I’m going to grab more ribbon.” You announce, walking behind Jin to get in front of the counter.

“Okay! Get a couple rolls.” He responds, checking out a customer that thankfully doesn’t need anything wrapped.

You thought after last night that things might be a bit more awkward, but you’re actually glad to be wrong for once. All morning, you’ve found yourself working closer to Jin, sharing accidental touches and working off of each other. It helps that the store has been fairly busy to not only keep you busy, but also keep your conversation new and fresh. Who knew you’d actually enjoy working on your time off at Christmas, but-

He just makes it better.

It’s unfortunate that there’s only a few more days until Christmas. You are really going to miss working in his shop.

Working with Jimin.

Working with him.

If only you could bottle up a moment and keep it locked away forever.

You make it upstairs to the supply closet by the bathroom and pull it open, searching the several labeled bins to find the ribbon you need. You don’t notice the creaking of the door behind you, nor do you see it swing open. At least, not until you turn around and see it for yourself.

“Oh! Did someone go upstairs?” You wonder aloud. You look around the second floor, but you don’t see Jimin or Jin anywhere. There are only a few customers looking through candles and scanning through books.

You peek around the corner of the door and look upstairs, noticing a lone toy knocked over on the middle step. You can hear something upstairs, and you assume Jimin must be working up there.

“Hey, Jimin-?” You call up. You don’t get a response, so you assume he doesn’t hear you. You enter the stairwell and pull the door closed behind you to keep any customers from wandering up. You make your ascent and call again, “Jimin!”

You stop on the step just before the toy and pick it up, checking it over for any damage. It looks fine, so you look back up to call to Jimin again, “Jimin, are yo-“

You stop mid-sentence, just now seeing what lies ahead of you. You’ve never seen anything like it.

A long work desk is set up only a few feet from the top, packaged toys piled on top of it and on carts next to it. Rolls of wrapping paper are spread out at the other end with bows and ribbon hanging just above it for what you assume is easy access. Just beyond that is an expanse of room that you don’t think is even possible for the square footage of the building, the ceiling much taller than you could have imagined.

Along the walls are machines that you’ve never seen before, each one similar to that of a conveyor with colorful lights blinking over top of them. Baskets full of toys sit at the end of each conveyor, and you’re unsure where the materials for everything is even coming from.

Above your head a miniature train whistles, running along the walls at full speed. You’re not sure if it’s for decoration or if it even has a purpose, but you’re entranced by the intricate cars it carries behind it. One a regular coal car and another a miniature, functioning Ferris wheel. You didn’t know they even made toy trains like that anymore.

It disappears into a tunnel, and you take notice of what looks to be an office at the other nod of the room. The lights are off inside, but colorful string lights decorate the large windows. It’s beautiful, and it blows your mind that this has been up here this whole time.

You turn and look at the wall behind you, taking note of the collage of photos hung with candy striped tape. Upon closer inspection, you see it’s photos of Jin, Jimin, and Namjoon. Some of them in the store, around town, and even a few with packed bags. But there are quite a few in a place you don’t recognize, with a man and a woman dressed in red, green, and golds.

You look at one photo in particular, one of a younger Jin with the man, and they’re both dressed in matching red suits. The older man looks joyful, but Jin just looks polished.

“What are you doing in here?!” You jump, turning to see Jin at the top of the steps with a half wrapped present in his hand. His eyes are narrowed and his brows are pulled in tight, “You were supposed to be getting ribbon. Not sneaking up here to snoop around.”

“The door was left open and I saw that a new toy-“ You hold up the undamaged toy in your hand, “-fell down the stairs. I was coming to bring it back up here, but-” You trail off, eyes wandering around the magnificent room again. There’s just no way this place is even real, “What is this?”

He shakes his head and stomps his way over, “Nothing for you to worry about.” He takes the toy out of your hands, practically ripping from you and making you drop the ribbon you’d grabbed. Jin takes notice and pinches the bridge of his nose, “I already told you that this room was for employees only.”

You scoff, “And I work here as a temporary employee, so I technically have the right to be in here as well!”

You bend down to grab what you dropped, but he beats you to it and pulls you back up by your arm, “Well, I’m saying you don’t. Now out!”

You pull your arm out of his grasp and step back, “Aren’t you at least going to explain what all of this is?!” You ask, taken aback by his sudden behavior.

He just shakes his head, refusing to answer your question, “I never should have let you help. I knew this would be one giant mistake!”

He’s talking to himself, but it doesn’t make his comment hurt any less, “Then fire me! Go ahead! But tell me what this is.”

“No. You need to leave. Now.” He demands. He shifts the products in his arms to one side and reaches out to grab you again.

“Jin-!“ You protest.

Instead of grabbing you by the arm, he places a hand on your back and pushes you towards the stairs, “I said now!”

You take his light push as a sign that he’s not messing around. You head for the stairs, but you still want answers, “I didn’t mean to step on your toes, I was just trying to help!”

“Well, you’ve helped enough.”

“Can we just take a minute to talk this over?” You come to a stop at the bottom of the steps, seeing Jimin in the doorway looking a bit nervous.

“No, because there’s nothing to say.” He answers. He ushers you out of the stairwell completely and slams the door behind the two of you, “There’s nothing you need to know and there’s nothing to see behind this door.”

“Don’t do that to me.” You state, “Don’t try to pretend that I didn’t just see what was up there!”

“You didn’t. I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He lies with a fake smile, attempting to move the conversation along. He holds out his open hand, “Apron.”

You look at him in disbelief, “Jin-“

“Apron.” He demands once again, not even allowing you to talk to him. He’s acting ridiculous and completely out of line. If he’s mad about you going upstairs, then he should have specified that you were not an employee enough to stay out. Even though you were just trying to help.

But if he wants to blame it all on you, then fine. It’d all be your fault.

“You’re being ridiculous, I hope you know.” You relent, untying the back of your apron and pulling it over your head, “You could just tell me the truth, but instead you’re kicking me out.”

“I’ve already told you the truth.” He insists, knowing damn well it’s a lie.

“No, you’re just being vague and deceptive!” You argue. You honestly can’t believe he’s acting like this. Where’s the nice, sweet, and caring Jin that you’ve been talking to? You didn’t even know he could act like such an asshole. “You know I thought you were conceited and arrogant when we first met, but I thought I was wrong. I guess I’m not.”

Your comment hurts, but he doesn’t let it show. He just shrugs, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” He accepts your apron from you and gestures to the lower stairway, “Please, leave my store before I call the authorities.”

“Ridiculous.” You shake your head. You’re not even sure how you got here. 20 minutes ago everything was fine and now, all of a sudden he’s kicking you out? “Just when I thought we were really becoming friends you’re going to push me away. I thought you were different, I can’t believe I-“ You cut yourself off. You can’t just admit your feelings now, not when he’s acting like the biggest asshole you’ve ever met. He doesn’t deserve to know.

He continues to keep his composure, “Just go back to your family and don’t come back.”

You shake your head, “Don’t you worry about me, Kim Seokjin. I will never come back to your store, because I never want to see you ever again!”

You turn right around, brushing past Jimin to the stairwell. You go downstairs as fast as you can without tripping, barely remembering to grab your coat before you leave. You don’t even have it wrapped around you when you disappear into the cold, winter air. You feel the stares of those that pass by you as you struggle to pull your coat on, struggling with the arms and trying not to slip. Though it doesn’t help, because you do fall on a patch of ice. You land right on your arm, but you don’t even flinch. You get right up and brush off anyone that tries to offer you any help.

“Hey, you’re home early.” Hoseok notes from the living room, sitting in a children’s chair dressed in beads and a tiara.

Taehyung - who also sits in a children’s chair - takes note of your arm as soon as your coat comes off, “Are you okay?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You grumble, kicking off your shoes and abandoning your slippers to just escape to your room.

“(Y/n)-“ Yoongi steps in front of you, grabbing you by the shoulders so he can look at your arm. He grabs it, pulling on it and noting that it’s still moving correctly. Thankfully it’s just bruised, but it still doesn’t look pretty. He looks you in the eyes, “Did something happen with Jin?”

Yoonji comes around the corner at the mention of jin with a snide smirk on her face, “Trouble in paradise?”

Any other day, it wouldn’t have bothered you. But today is not the day to be making jokes, not after the fiasco that you just went through.

“I love you, Yoonji, but knock it off!” You yell, taking her - and everyone else - by surprise, “I’ve put up with your meddling the whole time I’ve been home and I’m done with it! Just drop it! My love life isn’t your - or anyone else’s - business!”

You pull away from Yoongi and he tries to follow, only stopping when you turn and try to push him away, “I fell on the sidewalk, Yoongi. I’m fine. The embarrassment of everyone seeing me do so was enough.”

With that, you make your way upstairs, slamming your bedroom door behind you. You ignore any request for someone to come in, yelling at everyone to go away from the safety of your bed. You just lay on your bed with your face down, ignoring the ache in your arm from your fall. Tears that you didn’t even know you had roll down your cheeks and soak the sheet below you, seeming to only make you cry harder from the realization of everything that happened in such a short amount of time. Who knew that the domino effect could be this lengthy.

An hour goes by before the next knock on your door, but you’re still not in any mood to talk, “I don’t want to see anyone right now.”

You can hear the door open, and you fight the urge to turn around and throw a pillow at whoever it was that decided to enter.

“Well, you can’t see me with your head in your mattress, now can you?” Yoongi asks. You hear the sound of ice rustling before it’s placed on your arm, making you hiss in pain, “You should’ve iced it as soon as you got home instead of causing a fuss.”

You groan, “That’s not the point.”

“You’ve been up here for an hour.” He points out, as if you didn’t already know. He takes a seat on the bed next to you.

You look up for the first time in an hour, resting the side of your head on your mattress, “There’s no time limit to your feelings. You of all people should know that.”

“I do know. That’s why I came up here to make sure you’re okay.” He explains. You look away from him, finding something on your desk to move your attention to. But Yoongi doesn’t mind, he’s been in your position too many times to count. Though, he hasn’t seen you like this since you were in middle school.

He’s never been good at comforting other people - or at least he doesn’t seem to think so. He just does what Taehyung does for him when he’s upset. He pushes the stray hairs away from your face, “You haven’t been bothered much by their teasing before.”

He’s right. It never did before. But that’s probably because you’ve never actually liked someone the way you’ve grown to like Jin before, “That’s because I didn’t actually have an interest in anyone before. I actually like Jin.”

“So, you still like him?” He asks.

You shrug, “An argument doesn’t just change that. It’s not like I can blame him for me running down an icy sidewalk.”

“What was the argument about?”

“I was trying to help put something where it belonged, and in doing so I went to an area that was restricted to me.” It sounds stupid even as you recount the events to your brother, “I didn’t know it was restricted, I was just trying to help! He got mad at me and told me to leave.”

Yoongi nods, taking in the information, “It sounds like he overreacted.”

“I know, but I also understand why he’s upset. I just-“ You can’t even say you’re mad about the workshop anymore. If you’re honest, you’re just upset about how he acted and how you retaliated. “He pushed me out and told me to leave and I told him I never wanted to see him again.”

“It sounds like he was frustrated and took that out on you. And because he did that to you and hurt you, you wanted to hurt him back.” He says, saying it aloud for you. He sighs, “We do that a lot…but it’s not the best way to handle a situation.”

You can agree to that. You just wish it could be different.

You turn yourself over and sit up, moving your ice pack to the side and resting your chin on Yoongi’s shoulder, “Why is this so hard?”

“What?” He asks.

“Love…”

He laughs. “If love were easy, then we’d all be perfect. Then we wouldn’t be human anymore.” Honestly, if he knew the real answer for why love was hard, he’d tell everyone in a heartbeat. It’d make the world so much easier, but love isn’t just cut and dry like that, “We all make mistakes, and it sounds like you both made one.”

Mistakes is right. You didn’t mean to do something you weren’t supposed to, but you’re sure Jin didn’t mean to go over the edge either. You invaded a space he didn’t want you going to to, you broke a boundary. You assumed it would be okay, and you were wrong. Did he react correctly? Absolutely not. You have half a mind to whack him over the head with a shoe, but you know that won’t actually fix anything.

“I don’t even know what to do!” You whine, throwing yourself back onto your mattress, “Christmas is in 3 days and I don’t want to leave without talking to him, but I’m still so angry with him.”

“Well, then you need to decide what’s more important to you. Your anger and your pride or him?”

He has a point. Is your ability to be right in this situation really more important than him? If it is, then do you really care about him? Or just being in the right? You don’t know.

That’s why Yoongi is the big brother and not you.

You pout, “Can’t you just big brother this one for me?”

“I can toss him around, but I don’t think you want me to kiss and make up with him. I don’t think Taehyung would like that much either…” He comments, chuckling to himself. He sets a hand on your calf and pats it, “You know, Taehyung took that breaking legs thing seriously. He and Hoseok were ready to march down to BE when they saw you were hurt and crying.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, but they’re both still stuck in the kid chairs downstairs and Mom is debating whether or not she should call the fire department again this year.” He pulls his phone out of his hoodie pocket and pulls up the picture, showing Hobi laying on the floor with Jeongguk trying to pull at the chair legs, “I don’t think Jin would take them seriously with their butts stuck in a couple of princess chairs.”

“No, probably not…” You agree, giggling.

“Just do what feels right. That’s all you can do.” He finally says, “And if he’s not the one, then don’t stress over it. No person that can’t communicate their problems with you is worth any of your tears. Okay?”

You nod, “Okay.”

“Now, why don’t I sneak downstairs and grab something for us to snack on and we can watch mind rotting TV until dinner?” He suggests.

“I’d like that.”

He gets up from your bed and heads for the door, stopping when you call out to him, “Hey, Yoongi!”

“Yeah?” He asks, standing in your doorway.

You sit up, taking a pillow with you to cuddle, “I think you’d be a great dad to 5 kids…Just a thought.”

“Yeah?” He asks, you nodding in response. He looks down, smiling to himself before he takes one last look at you, “Well, I’m trying to negotiate for 3, so don’t blow my cover. Now, ice your arm.”

~Next Part: Coming Soon~

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sugarlywhispers · 6 months

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☆—Attack on Titan!AU | ANGST, Fluff, +18

☆—Eligere Me | War Harry Potter!AU, Death Eather!Min Yoongi, Muggleborn!Reader, Angst, Dark Themes | Serie | [CHAPTER ONE] [CHAPTER TWO] On going...

☆—Only You | Mafia!AU, NSFW, +21

☆—Gf gives him a blowjob | NSFW

#bts fanfiction #bts masterlist #jeon jungkook fanfiction #park jimin fanfiction #kim taehyung fanfiction #kim namjoon fanfiction #min yoongi fanfiction #jung hoseok fanfiction #kim seokjin fanfiction #☆.masterlist #☆.laysa.masterlist

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coupsie-daisies · 1 year

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coupsie-daisies masterlist

Hey guys! I’m Cas, I write for Stray Kids, BTS, Ateez, TXT, and Seventeen. About a million fics in the work If you like what I do, please consider checking out my commissions (here) and my kofi (here)

feedback is appreciated, and my taglists are always open for permanent members or individual fics, groups, or members. just send an ask!

These fanfictions and the headers attached are property of @/coupsie-daisies, reposting on any platform without explicit permission is prohibited

Kim Namjoon

Between The Minutes

Genre: Fluff, Established Relationship

Summary: Kim Namjoon is a busy man, but never too busy for downtime with you

Kim Seokjin

Coming Soon...

Min Yoongi

The Domestic Chronicles of Min Yoongi

Genre: Fluff, established relationship, domestic life

Summary: A series of one shots chronicling the domestic moments shared between Reader and Yoongi throughout their relationship with one another

The Song of Persistence

Genre: College AU, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Yoongi will go to the ends of the earth, ever persistent for what he wants. That’s something that you learn from him.

Kinktober ‘23 - Virginity

Genre: smut (18+ ONLY), Kinktober 2023

Summary: You finally tell Yoongi, the guy you probably shouldn't be fucking around with, that you're a virgin. Nothing could have prepared you for his reaction

Jung Hoseok

Where The Heart Is

Genre: fluff, smut (18+ ONLY)

Summary: Your boyfriend is on tour thousands of miles away, but his birthday is coming up and you can’t stand the thought of home feeling cold and lonely on his birthday. So you do what anyone would do, and find where your heart is.

Park Jimin

Silver Screen Soulmates

Genre: enemies to lovers (sort of), hurt/comfort

Summary: Being Jimin’s leading lady is a big task, and being in Park Jimin’s shadow is absolutely insufferable. Jimin can’t understand how you’re in his shadow when you shine brighter than the sun itself.

Alive

Genre: fluff, established relationship

Summary: Y/N thinks the rain is beautiful, it makes them feel alive. But nothing makes Jimin feel quite as alive as Y/N dancing in the rain

Kinktober ‘23 - Collaring

Genre: Kinktober 2023, Fluff, Nonsexual BDSM (18+)

Summary: Jimin brings home a surprise to his submissive, proof of his unwavering faith.

Kim Taehyung

Coming Soon...

Jeon Jungkook

An Ethereal Belief

Genre: fluff, fuckboy au

Summary: Jeon Jungkook is a fuckboy, he has no problem with that fact because love isn’t real, so what does the whole thing matter? It’s just another party, but it causes Jungkook to reevaluate his strongest belief

On The Other Side

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship

Summary: Jungkook hates being away from his partner. But the grass is always greener on the other side, and they miss him too, and one day he knows they’ll come back to him.

Every Little Piece (1)

Genre: Single Parent AU, Fluff, Found Family, Minor Angst

Summary: Being a single parent to a toddler was isolating enough, and moving to a completely different city several hours from everyone you know can’t possibly help. But the boys from apartment 304 are always there when you need them

Butterfly Kisses (Teaser)

Genre: Witch AU, Royalty AU

Summary: The young heir to the throne seeks help for a mysterious ailment, reluctantly turning to the witch’s coven at the edge of their kingdom. They don’t believe in magic, but the boys are there to help them open their eyes to what lies outside their castle walls.

Bang Chan

Firecracker (1)

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Pirate AU

Summary: Ten years is a lot of time, but there are two things that never change; the comfort that the ocean brings, and the fact that you love Bang Chan more than life itself. To say you’d follow him to the ends of the earth was an understatement, and you would risk your life to prove that.

Practice Run

Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers

Summary: Y/N doesn’t have much kissing experience, but their friend is more than willing to let them have a practice run

Out of Step

Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort

Summary: Sometimes people aren’t meant to be together, no matter how badly it hurts to think about it, and sometimes the one is really just someone.

Kinktober ‘23 - Mutual Masturbation

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Kinktober 2023

Summary: Your boyfriend overhears you joking with your friends that men don't seem invested in pleasing their partners. He's determined to learn exactly how you like to be taken care of.

Lee Minho

Kinktober ‘23 - Begging

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Kinktober 2023

Summary: A drunken encounter with a friend at a frat party leads to a possessive side of Minho that you never expected to see

Seo Changbin

Like You Mean It

Genre: smut (18+ ONLY), pwp, best friends to lovers, personal trainer au

Summary: You should have known better than to let your best friend become your personal trainer. But after a late night workout, everything changes. Maybe working out with Changbin isn’t so bad

Hwang Hyunjin

Of Change and Indifference

Genre: fluff, neighbors au, enemies to lovers (kind of)

Summary: Your mom doesn’t know how to stop playing matchmaker, but all you really want is to find something that feels like home

Han Jisung

Tip of My Tongue

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), fwb AU, angst, hurt no comfort

Summary: Three little words could send the world crashing down around you, but around Han Jisung, they’re always on the tip of your tongue

Lee Felix

Get To Believing

Genre: College AU, Theatre AU, Fluff

Summary: Felix never fully understood the appeal of musical theatre until his best friend roped him into working tech. He also never believed in love at first sight. Maybe he had a lot left to learn.

The Things I Would Do (The Beauty Mark of Love)

Genre: Fantasy AU, Royalty AU, Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: The war is centuries old, and Felix is determined to put an end to it at all costs. A wedding was in his plans, but falling in love was most certainly not. He, however, takes it much better than his fiance does.

Kinktober ‘23 - Sensory Deprivation

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Kinktober 2023

Summary: Despite your and Felix's more than satisfying relationship with Felix, the two of you decide that maybe a little experimentation can't hurt

Kim Seungmin

To Be Reborn

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Reincarnation AU, Soulmate AU

Summary: Y/N lost their beloved to an untimely death. To make things worse, they’re a reincarnated soul stuck in a cycle of being reborn. They visit their lover’s graveside in their next life to share a birthday date with him. As much as they don’t trust the universe, it may just have plans for them.

Kinktober ‘23 - Cockwarming

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Fluff, Kinktober 2023

Summary: Seungmin has been busy with his schedules, and being away from you so much is making him miserable. Unfortunately, you both need to sleep, so you find a compromise.

Yang Jeongin

Coming Soon...

Kim Hongjoong

Kinktober ‘23 - Exhibitionism + Voyeurism (Ft. Park Seonghwa)

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Kinktober 2023

Summary: Hongjoong has the most pathetic obsession with his roommate's partner, and they aren't making it any easier to get over them. Little does he know, they love having his attention just as much as he loves giving it

Park Seonghwa

Kinktober ‘23 - Exhibitionism + Voyeurism (Ft. Kim Hongjoong)

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Kinktober 2023

Jeong Yunho

Kinktober ‘23 - Getting Caught (Ft. Choi San)

Genre: Smut (18+), Kinktober 2023

Summary: San gets needy before dance practice with the boys, so you decide to help him out

Kang Yeosang

Coming Soon...

Choi San

Kinktober ‘23 - Getting Caught (Ft. Jeong Yunho)

Genre: Smut (18+), Kinktober 2023

Summary: San gets needy before dance practice with the boys, so you decide to help him out

Song Mingi

Coming Soon...

Jung Wooyoung

Coming Soon...

Choi Jongho

The Terrifying Ordeal of Being Known

Genre: Fluff, Established Relationship

Summary: Jongho subjects Y/N to the terrifying ordeal of being known. They love every second of it.

Choi Seungcheol

Kinktober ‘23 - Breeding

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Kinktober 2023

Summary: You and Cheol had talked plenty about the future, but nothing could have prepared you to see his huge frame cradling a tiny baby and the absolute reaction you'd have to it

Yoon Jeonghan

Kinktober ‘23 - Mommy Kink

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Kinktober 2023

Summary: A conversation with your friends leads to a slip up during an intimate moment with Jeonghan, and he’s determined to hold it over your head, not that you mind one bit

Joshua Hong

Coming Soon...

Wen Junhui

Coming Soon...

Kwon Soonyoung

Coming Soon...

Jeon Wonwoo

Kinktober ‘23 - Scent Kink

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Kinktober 2023

Summary: Wonwoo has been away from home for too long, and the only thing that can make you feel like he's close to you is wrapping yourself in his scent

Lee Jihoon

Coming Soon...

Lee Seokmin

Kinktober ‘23 - Praise Kink

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Kinktober 2023, Fluff

Summary: Seokmin just really wants to show you how much you mean to him

Kim Mingyu

Kinktober ‘23 - Strength/Size Kink

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Fluff, Best Friends to Lovers

Summary: A simple movie night leads to Mingyu discovering something interesting about his best friend, and the lines between friendship and more start to blur

Xu Minghao

Kinktober ‘23 - Body Modification

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Kinktober 2023

Summary: A drunken confession to your best friends leads to you getting a tattoo from the prettiest man you’ve ever seen, and a loud mouthed best friend gets you a little more than you bargained for

Boo Seungkwan

Kinktober ‘23 - Bondage

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Camboy AU, Roommates to Lovers, Kinktober 2023

Summary: Seungkwan is a camboy and after months of trying, he invites you, his best friend, to help him spice up one of his streams

Vernon Chwe

Coming Soon...

Lee Chan

Kinktober ‘23 - Somnophilia

Genre: Smut (18+ ONLY), Hurt/Comfort, Kinktober 2023

Summary: Chan's schedules are keeping him away from you, and he craves closeness more than he ever has before. Luckily for him, you're always so eager to give him what he needs

87 notes · View notes

oftenderweapons · 8 months

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Three Sugars | Masterpost

Members: Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Kim Taehyung

Status: Ongoing

Author's Note:

Hello there! Three Sugars is a project that unfolds as a mix of Social Media AU's and traditionally written chapters. It will follow three different main characters and their own storyline after their agreements as sugar babies for each of the Kims. They will be narrated in second person (you, Y/N) form mostly. The main point of view will be stated at the beginning of each chapter.

Links to Q&A's

| the inbox for asks is open, send an ask here! |

Three Sugars' Masterlist

Introduction, the guys | Introduction, the girls

General information

Title teasers | Playlists | Visuals |

Here is oftenderweapons' complete masterlist

#Three sugars #BTS masterlist #kim namjoon fanfiction #kim seokjin fanfiction #kim taehyung fanfiction #bts blog #bts fanfiction

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oddinary4bts · 2 years

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Forever | ksj (teaser)

☆pairing: Kim Seokjin x female reader

☆rating: 18+

☆genre: ex-fiancés to lovers, idol!au, angst, smut, fluff

☆word count: 25.2k words

☆a/n: Here is the teaser for the new fic in the Life Goes On series! Check out the series masterlist to read the stories of the other members! I hope you will enjoy this story even though it’s pretty angsty <3. It is technically supposed to be the last fic in the series but it doesn’t really matter since they don’t overlap all that much. Namjoon makes a quick appearance and most of the other members get mentions so you can catch glimpse of what will happen for their own stories. Enjoy!!!

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“Do you know why I went to the gazebo?” he asked, with the tiniest voice he could muster up.

“Why?”

“I hoped I was going to find you there, like that summer we met.”

You pushed away from him, so you could look him in the eyes. So you could see the truth in his dark gaze, and in the sad smile that adorned his lips.

“You remember?”

You were startled to see a tear rolling down his cheek. “How could I forget?”

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Coming Friday October 14th, 8 pm EST!

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foxymoxynoona · 7 months

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To Kill A King (Chapter 13)

Banner and linebreaks by the talented @awrkives

PREVIOUS | MASTERLIST | NEXT

NOTE: check out the Character & Setting Cheat Sheet for a refresher on who’s who

Nasimiyu didn’t know how to feel other than smug. Word of Seokjin’s fight with Namjoon shot through the palace like the smell of fish. Nasimiyu couldn’t believe it at first. Seokjin? Throwing fists?! She saw Namjoon’s black eye on her way to the private dining room for supper –which Namjoon chose to take in his room– and Seokjin’s busted lip but still couldn’t believe it until King Dong-gun himself sank into his chair and laughed,

“Well. Who’d have thought this son would be brawling in the courtyard, eh?”

Beside him, Lady Zselyke turned up her nose and teased, with a trace of a smile, “I suppose he had to inherit something from you.”

“Besides my dashing good looks?”

“He looks more like his mother,” General Dong-suk mumbled around a forkful of food already buried in his mouth. Nasimiyu glanced at the man and quickly away, afraid of making eye contact. General Dong-suk’s reputation preceded him. The King’s younger brother was notorious for winning wars, no matter the cost, and while Nasimiyu didn’t know specifics, she did know her father thought he was both terrifying and genius. We’ll want him on our side, Prince Hamisi had said. Another reason we need to do this the right way. The last thing we need are losses along the border during the transition of power. Dong-suk is undefeatable.

High praise from her father, who himself bragged a great deal about having the most peaceful principality in Marvono so that they had no need of war to begin with. Yet he clearly admired Dong-suk. She’d expected a scarred, muscular old soldier based on the things she’d heard and instead found herself breaking bread with a razor sharp man, crisp and clean and unemotional. It felt like he sucked the warmth from the air just by his presence. He was far, far more frightening in person than any of the people she’d met in those tavern backrooms could possibly understand. Hatred for this man had streamed from them like blood and sweat, stories of his depraved acts, his prolific use of torture to get answers, his scorched earth tactics for any boarder villages “harboring” soldiers from the other side –whether they knew it or not. Such stories had seemed impossible to pin onto one man’s shoulders, impossible to believe without some bigger outcry than a couple dozen angry youths shouting about it in Marvonese taverns, far from those borders and battles and truth.

And yet, she was glad Seokjin sat in between them.

Nasimiyu supposed General Dong-suk had meant that as an insult to his brother, though it was a compliment to Seokjin and the beauty of his mother captured in portraits around the palace. Dong-gun laughed like he expected nothing differently from his brother and Seokjin buried his face in his food.

Lady Zselyke smoothed it over with, “That he does, and there’s no harm in being good in the face and with an uppercut, eh?”

“What do you know about fighting, Aunt?” Seokjin asked her. Apparently this was also a joke that Nasimiyu didn’t get because Zselyke laughed fondly and waved her napkin at him.

“Oh stop. You know, I used to be right there to the side any time your father brawled, ready to clean up the mess afterwards.”

“You weren’t very good at it,” Dong-gun chuckled. “I had to learn my own way out of messes.”

“How can you say that?! I smoothed things over with your father so many times.”

“Ah, yes, with him, I suppose he was fond of you, he’d wait until you were out of sight to whip my backside so you wouldn’t be distressed.”

Nasimiyu couldn’t believe they were laughing about this, but they did. Except for General Dong-suk, who ate tidily but quickly, as if it had been weeks since his last feed but he had somewhere to be.

“Sometimes it takes a firm hand,” he said, chasing a sip of wine. “Perhaps you needed firmer hands. Your boys did.”

Nasimiyu couldn’t help the stare out of the corner of her eye, curious how the king would take to such a jab at his parenting methods.

King Dong-gun’s voice seemed steelier as he countered, “I raised a fine soldier, didn’t I? And Seokjin will make a… king.”

“Thank you, father, I appreciate your bold, unflagging support,” Seokjin quipped and Nasimiyu wanted to kick him beneath the table but withheld. Did he really not know the right time to make a joke and the right time to abstain? No jokes could exist around that General uncle of his.

But maybe he didn’t intend it as a joke; he didn’t have his usual bold smile as he lifted his own glass of wine. He kept blinking, like there was something in his eye. As soon as his wine glass was done, he shoveled food into his cheek like he, too, had somewhere to be. He didn’t look like a valiant champion, though earlier he’d strutted into dinner like he’d just been crowned one, and bowed low to Nasimiyu after she placed her hand in his.

Never in a million years had Nasimiyu expected Seokjin to hear a complaint from her and go right to resolve the problem himself. A fist to Namjoon’s face! Damn, she wished she could have seen it.

“A fine king such as yourself,” General Dong-suk said in a sharp voice that Nasimiyu saw made King Dong-gun stiffen. “He’ll go around throwing balls and punishing fops for fucking maids? Who cares? Take care of the problem or get over it, it’s a trivial matter and not something you should be brawling like a fresh pup about.”

Seokjin looked startled and rushed to clarify, “I assure you, the cause of the exchange is well in hand–”

“Maybe they’re both fucking the maid,” King Dong-gun suggested with a laugh, then quickly added, “My apologies, Princess. I forgot you were here, you’re so quiet tonight.”

“Just taking it all in,” she mumbled, but it was missed beneath Lady Zselyke insisting, “She has a sense of humor about it too, Dong-gun, don’t worry about her.” Nasimiyu saw the quickest flicker of Zselyke’s eyes in her direction but didn’t understand the meaning of it. And she most certainly would not have a sense of humor about Seokjin fucking any maid, particularly hers.

“I am confident he is not,” she said coolly, and smirked at Seokjin in the hopes people would see it and murmur. Seokjin gave her the smallest smile but it was like something pressed heavily down on him. She wished he would take more pride in his own fight!

“Besides, I think it’s admirable,” Lady Zselyke rushed on to cover Nasimiyu’s response. “When there’s an issue, you go right to solve it. No skulking around waiting for someone else to handle it or hope it will handle itself. It’s the proper way to deal with things, isn’t that right, Dong-suk?”

Honestly Nasimiyu couldn’t believe Zselyke had addressed him at all, much less so casually. She seemed to puff herself up further as Dong-suk looked at her, wine glass steady in his hand. Nasimiyu couldn’t decide whether it was stupid or admirable.

“I don’t believe you wish to hear how I deal with things,” Dong-suk said, looking away from Lady Zselyke like she no longer interested him in the least. He gestured brusquely to a servant to clear his plate away.

King Dong-gun chuckled, “Here to tell me how you’d run things differently if it was your ass in my seat?”

“I don’t need to tell you,” General Dong-suk said, and didn’t look at his elder brother either. “There’s no point in wasting our breath, I don’t want your chair.”

“Yes, good, it’s molded to my ass.”

“And his will fit?” Dong-suk asked with a gesture towards Seokjin. Flippant. Unimpressed. With one sentence Nasimiyu understood precisely what uncle thought of nephew. Not that she had expected anything different.

“I’ve already started my special diet to gain the weight,” Seokjin mumbled under his breath. Nasimiyu had never seen him so… wilted. He couldn’t even endorse his own jokes. Everyone else at the table ignored him.

Lady Zselyke sniffed, nose in the air, “King Dong-gun has done a fine job molding Seokjin into a prince who will rule well when the day comes, but that day will not be for a very, very long time.”

“You think so?” General Dong-suk asked evenly. Nasimiyu bit her lip in an effort not to react. She kept her head down, shocked to hear the brother of the king so brazenly suggest, “There are a dozen plots to take his head today alone and you think he will stay king for a very long time?”

“Dong-suk,” Zselyke scolded, her voice soft.

King Dong-gun rolled his eyes and laughed, “You exaggerate, little brother. Maybe four, maximum. I am not nearly terrible enough to warrant that many plots.” Something harder came into his voice as he added, “Not as terrible as you would have me be.”

“‘Terrible’ is a clever choice of word, old brother,” Dong-suk returned. “It can mean many things. To be feared, respected. That would keep you alive.”

“He’s a good king,” Zselyke argued. “The people–”

“The people,” Dong-suk laughed, cold and empty sounding. “The only good king to the people is a dead one. There is no wisdom in trying to be a good king for the people, they will always want something other than what you provide, and should they get it anyway, they will immediately want something else instead.”

“And yet here I sit,” Dong-gun said, and lifted his wine glass for a sip.

Nasimiyu startled as something brushed her leg –Seokjin’s hand. He gave a look, but she wasn’t sure what he was trying to convey to her.

“Ignoring my warnings.”

“I heed your warnings,” Dong-gun argued. “The legitimate ones. We have the Destin rebellions under control–”

“It’s not Destin you should be worried about, they’re nothing, a ragtag band of nobodies. Embarrassments, every one of them.”

“The whole principality?” Seokjin mumbled. He glanced over his shoulder, smiling, like he thought at least his footman or bodyguards would laugh, but he’d said it so quietly, probably they couldn’t even hear him. Seokjin was afraid, that seemed obvious, and Nasimiyu –despite feeling the same– found herself disappointed by him. This was his own uncle. Surely you should at least be brave against your own family? If you weren’t, who else could be?

His uncle only spared a disgusted flicker of his gaze and forged ahead, “It’s not Destin you should concern yourself with. Cut them off with one clean slice, it can be done in an hour.”

“And how many dead would it be?” King Dong-gun asked with a shake of his head.

“Numbers do not matter at a time like this. What number is order worth?”

“How many lives is my reign worth, do you mean?” King Dong-gun clarified, a nuance of language that clearly did not amuse Dong-suk. But Nasimiyu found herself briefly fascinated… was Dong-gun saying he would not take extreme measures to curb a rebellion because he did not consider the loss of lives worth it for a threat against his life? Was that really what he was saying? Nasimiyu was sure she must be misunderstanding, filling in blanks since the two of them argued about political things she only knew crumbs about.

“I’d say at least five,” Seokjin said. And, further baffling to Nasimiyu, King Dong-gun burst into laughter.

“Come, son, at least ten!”

“Let’s call it seven.”

“Idiots,” Dong-suk sighed, letting his eyes close. “Every one of you, idiots.”

“And it’s already been two,” King Dong-gun said, smiling at his brother. But then the chuckle died away as his words caught up to everyone, maybe even himself. The smile remained but it looked more threatening than amused now. “I’ve lost a wife and a son, brother. You would have my other son?”

“I don’t want Seokjin on the lines,” Dong-suk scoffed. “I’ve seen him brawl. I’d take his fucking valet before I’d take him anywhere.”

“That is what it would cost me to give you the war you ask for. How could he face his people if he did not go to fight, as his brother did? And yet…”

Nasimiyu’s eyebrows raised. She glanced at Seokjin, her only near-ally in this, curious if he knew what war was being asked for. This was the first she had heard of war as a current event other than the unrest in Destin and maybe an occasional skirmish along the border in Therepin.

“I don’t ask for a war but the means to stop one before it begins.”

Nasimiyu felt herself getting twisted up. It certainly sounded better to stop a war before it began. The ‘Therepin Border Skirmishes’ had happened during her lifetime but she had been young and shielded, raised on the far side of Yeonhalbi from the battles. Marvono sent soldiers but not too many, not anyone within reach of her.

“You grow idle, brother,” King Dong-gun said, his knife scraping noisily against his plate as he cut his steak. “Without war, you have no purpose, is that how you feel? I can put you to other tasks.”

“Destin? You won’t let me do what needs to be done.”

“I’m handling Destin.”

“I am your general, I should handle it all.”

“A rather bothersome one,” King Dong-gun scoffed. “I can’t even eat the steak I requested just for you without you nipping my ear off about war this, death threat that. Your job is to end wars, not monger them. Get a wife or a hobby and stop trying to kindle unrest. If war erupts along the border–”

“I will have warned you!” General Dong-suk shouted and slammed his fist on the table. It was a sudden and explosive outburst after he’d maintained such tight composure. Steady. Menacing by subtlety, not volume. Now Nasimiyu suspected he could do both. “If you continue to ignore the threats along the border… Your people there suffer. Unrest grows. You grow fat and lazy in your capital by the sea and the people will come for you.”

“Find another way. That is my final word.”

“It may very well be, Dong-gun.” Dong-suk rose from the table and gave the king and Lady Zselyke both a withering stare, as if she’d had much to say in it. His gaze slid blindly over Seokjin, who clearly had no merit for Dong-suk. Nasimiyu leaned back, feeling the briefest moment of Dong-suk’s eyes on her –it couldn’t have been but a second.

Perhaps Dong-gun saw it too, or maybe he had decided to try and drive the dismissal home further; he laughed, “Ah, did you meet Prince Hamisi on your way here, by chance? He’s gone south, I believe. I’ll be curious to hear what he reports about the people there and whether things are really as bad as you say. But I’m afraid you won’t find support for your war from him. He’ll laugh in your face before he sends soldiers from Marvono to die simply because you’re bored.”

“I’ve never met the man in my life and if he sells his daughter to this idiot family, I don’t care to.”

The private dining room was perfectly silent for a solid minute in the wake of his departure. For that reason, Nasimiyu thought it a ridiculously dramatic exit –but he had totally cleared his plate in remarkable speed, so maybe his only purpose at dinner had been to quickly eat and try one more time to continue this argument he and his brother had clearly broken off earlier. Nasimiyu regretted not knowing more. If the borders were full of unrest again and it posed a threat to the crown, that would be her problem to solve someday, possibly someday soon.

But it was also confusing because… well, her father hadn’t mentioned there was the risk of war along the border, nor rebellion from Yeonhalbian people. There was that remark her father had made, which Nasimiyu was proud of herself to recollect now, that he felt King Dong-gun’s ways of doing things led to the borders needing protecting, of also that he thought many people wanted King Dong-gun dead. Was that what General Dong-suk had meant…? It was annoying, feeling like she was short a few cards to understand what they were talking about. It further annoyed her that Lord Namjoon probably could have filled her in on everything and given her a reliable account of whether General Dong-suk really was as out of hand as rumor had it.

She could ask Seokjin, of course. Of course. She wanted to laugh at the idea. Seokjin had his face down in his bowl of soup and couldn’t have looked less interested in discussing politics. She never got the sense he knew much about anything, despite getting to sit in council. He just took it for granted to know what they were talking about, even though the outcome of a dinner argument like this could change the future of Yeonhalbi. Even his own future! If war did happen, Seokjin would either have to go fight or rule as his father went to die instead. Dong-gun didn’t seem like the self-sacrificing type…

For a moment, war loomed up as a real thing, more than it had ever felt before. She’d thought of war as undesirable but sometimes a necessity, but never stopped to consider who made the call about whether it was necessary or not. Probably you decided which way –war or no war– would lead to fewer deaths and better long-term outcomes… but for whom? For the monarch wanting to maintain their crown? Or the people who lived in the warzone?

War hadn’t touched Marvono since the uniting of Yeonhalbi. The nation to the north was quiet, peaceful, their relationship good with Marvono and the borders never contested –partially because they were a relation. Prince Hamisi had no sons to send to the Therepin Border Wars, even if he’d wanted to, and daughters were never expected to be soldiers. War didn’t hurt people like them.

But Nasimiyu would have her own children someday, likely sons and daughters both. It would be honorable for her sons to serve in a necessary war, but how necessary would a war have to be for her to be willing to send them?

Seokjin leaned close to her and said in what seemed to have been intended as a whisper, “Sorry about that. Family… you know how it is. I almost wish we’d go back to talking about my fight…”

“My family doesn’t have quite the… characters yours does,” Nasimiyu whispered back, aware that at least Lady Zselyke was listening closely to her. King Dong-gun had called his footman over and was telling him about some meeting he wanted to have the next day now, and also to let him know if Dong-suk left the palace at any point.

“No? No heated debates at dinner about who wants to kill you or what wars to wage?”

“No, never,” Nasimiyu said, and didn’t keep the wistfulness from her voice, though she knew she’d sounded critical a moment ago. She wanted to sound critical, because this had all seemed so inappropriate, but truthfully, she wanted in. She wanted to know. She wanted to be one of the ones having to make even those difficult decisions about what was right and how to help people best. She would have loved if her father included her in those debates around the dinner table –war, ethics, philosophy, danger, whatever! If he had, maybe she wouldn’t have felt compelled to seek it out herself –and she never would have met Dulce.

“Ah, your father loves you more than mine,” Seokjin said loudly. “He wanted to protect you from it all.”

King Dong-gun shook his head and argued, “Why do you think we ate privately in here tonight? Sometimes you have to let the stink air out for a few days. I would have done you a disservice to hide the shit of ruling from you. Someday you’ll be the one fanning the stench out.”

“Not for a long time!” Lady Zselyke bubbled over, and downed the remnants of her wine. “Honestly, all this talk of death and war and–”

“There there, Zelly, don’t you worry about it. Suk and I will make up in a few hours. He knows I’ll never give my permission and I know that he manages to get it done another way and everything will be fine.”

“But if the borders really are unquiet–”

“They’re not. Ask Namjoon, wherever he’s sulked off to hide. Why don’t you ask him, Seokjin? While the two of you fix whatever this was?”

Seokjin’s brow lowered as he said, “That… isn’t likely to happen.”

“You don’t have to like him, but you do have to find a way to work with the people in position to best help you.”

“I don’t need his help. Not someone like him.”

“You’ll have to let go of this idea of liking people,” King Dong-gun continued. “It leaves you worried about whether people like you, and once you care about that, you’re damned.”

Seokjin gave his father a wide grin and promised, “Well I’m safe there, I’ve never worried about that.”

“Good. Because the rest of your life is going to be spent working with people you hate, and arguing with people you care for. You think you’re always going to see eye to eye with me? Or your advisors? Even your wife… her father… it’s harder to hold your ground with people like that but you have to.”

Seokjin looked stunned. Nasimiyu wasn’t sure why. At first Seokjin struggled to find the words, before he pressed, “You think I should stand my ground? You believe I’ll have the right way of things–”

“Well you’d better figure it out eventually,” King Dong-gun laughed and Seokjin visibly deflated. “Otherwise the people around you will figure it out for you, but no one except the king can ever see all there is to see. It’s your uncle’s job to ask for what he wants to get the job done in the easiest way, and it’s my job to tell him no, to get it done in the best way. Get good at telling people no, Seokjin. Zselyke, let’s go for a walk, I need to get some unkind words about my brother out of my mind.”

In only a moment, Nasimiyu and Seokjin were alone in the dining room, silent and still though neither touched another bite.

Eventually Seokjin snorted, “Won’t it be a sight to see if my uncle has to answer to me someday? I know you’re thinking it. How in the world am I going to hold someone like that in line?” He shook his head and for a moment looked so sincere and open and casual –except this time instead of putting Nasimiyu off, she felt like he’d reached a hand out to her. Vulnerable, but in a good way. Like he’d gestured to his uncle and said this is a problem we’ll have to address as king and queen someday, how do you think we should do it?

“He’ll have to listen to us, or he’ll lose his head,” she suggested.

“Us,” Seokjin insisted and his grin grew. Nasimiyu’s eyes narrowed. But instead of saying exactly the wrong thing, which is what she expected, he nodded, “Yes, all right. You’ve managed your father, haven’t you? Is he anything like that? You’ll be an asset on the throne.”

Nasimiyu was not sure she had managed her father but insisted, “Of course I have. It’s wise of you to… to recognize that. That I would be an asset, I mean.” She paused. “Do you mean that?”

“That you would be an asset?”

“That you would have me by your side. In council or ruling or dealing with… problems,” she clarified.

“The king always takes his queen into confidence–”

“I mean openly. Not a listening ear as you dress for bed but a partner in–”

Seokjin laughed and Nasimiyu bristled, but once again his words surprised her as he insisted, “I get the feeling I couldn’t keep you out if I tried, but I wouldn’t pick that fight. If you show a head for politics, at least that would make one of us.”

“Even though it would be breaking with tradition,” she said, standing because he did, trying to sound calm as a surge of energy bubbled in her chest. “If I did more than just plan balls and suppers and–”

“I hope life with me can be good for you, Nasimiyu. If you’d rather do this or that, it’s yours. I don’t care if you don’t want to plan balls. Zselyke can keep doing that since she likes it so much. If you want to be involved with council and hold court, we do that together, or you take it over, I sure don’t mind. Maybe we’ll actually be good at it all together. Yes, Jimin, I’m going in for the night, can you tell Drin I’m not sparring after all? I think I got my workout in today.”

“What are you going to do about Namjoon?” Nasimiyu asked before he could disappear.

Seokjin hesitated, then asked, “Well what do you think I should do? Did I do enough? My father thinks I need to just learn to work with him, but…” He sighed deeply and looked away. “A guy like that…”

“May be of use to us,” Nasimiyu decided. “I think you’ve done enough for now. Hopefully he will behave himself, and if not, we’ll send him away. Besides, he’d probably take Mindeulle with him but I’d like to keep her here.”

“I’m glad you’ve made friends with her.”

“I’m glad you took my complaint about Namjoon seriously,” she said, feeling benevolent. “Thank you, Seokjin.” He gave her an indecipherable look, chased away quickly by his typical smile.

“Always, my princess.”

Nasimiyu’s spirits lifted as she returned to her room, yanked back and forth between the fight for her sake and the appearance of this frightening possibly-war-criminal uncle, but then Seokjin’s easy acceptance of her value in ruling this country. It had never occurred to her that Seokjin might just… let her. Sure, it was possible he’d still be in the way. But… maybe not. There might be value in having the “true King” in the wings as she ruled, to keep the loyalty of those who actually did support the Kim line. Namjoon certainly wasn’t going to have that honor now. And while Nasimiyu wasn’t sure exactly how many children she planned on having –because honestly the whole ordeal sounded rather unpleasant and also frustrating because why couldn’t a queen rule on their own rather than worrying about heirs to take it from her– maybe she would enjoy having daughters. She’d never have to send them to war, and no one would expect her to turn the crown over to them simply because a male ruler took priority over a female one. And Seokjin was handsome; probably he would lend himself well to beautiful daughters. He might be a loving father and could see after their care while Nasimiyu ruled. And he had fought his cousin at the drop of a word from her, and he had been very good in bed.

For a moment she thought to invite him back into it. Why not? He’d done well and deserved a reward and so did she. But he had already gone, and she didn’t feel like chasing him down. She would just send for Dulce instead and let her earn her affection back.

Besides, she shouldn’t totally lose her head about Seokjin. She wasn’t sure she wanted to change their plans and keep him around… but maybe they ought to think more about this before they did anything so final as kill him. At least not yet…

Although Nasimiyu recognized –and perhaps this made the potential change of plans both more and less appealing– her father would not abide by it. Could she tell her father no any more than Seokjin could his uncle?

Dulce had volunteered for the laundry that afternoon and stayed hidden when Nasimiyu sent for her after dinner –easy enough when Taehyung invited her along to the nearest tavern the staff liked to frequent. Probably the head maid and Nasimiyu would give her hell later but she wouldn’t regret the evening drinking and playing cards with Taehyung, Jimin, and several other staff who seemed to warm to her since Taehyung had her under wing. He seemed to charm people on first meeting. It was wild to Dulce that no one suspected he was royal –not that she believed royals were actually born better than anyone else, but if such a thing existed, he sure had it. Seokjin had the looks for it but he was too…

“Involved,” Jimin had sighed as they walked back to the palace together late in the night. Dulce had thought soft or foolish but involved seemed right as well. With quite a bit of alcohol now warming her blood, Dulce nodded at Jimin’s rant, his tongue loosened by a few shots too many. “What’s he doing throwing punches with Namjoon in the middle of the courtyard? He’s got other things to be worried about right now, like his wedding!”

Jimin had not been there for the fight. He’d arrived late, too late to hear Seokjin shout at his cousin: Keep your fucking hands off Dulce!

She shuddered. Her name didn’t belong in the prince’s mouth. It always sounded wrong. His concern for her was misplaced. Her business was none of his. And while she didn’t know how the fuck he’d found out, she did not need some knight in velvet and jewels rallying to her defense.

“Yeah,” she agreed, realizing Jimin was waiting for her to say something.

“He’s so eager to impress your mistress though,” Jimin continued. “I worry he’d do anything for her at this point. At dinner it sounded like it all had something to do with Nasimiyu… she had a problem with Namjoon?”

So Jimin didn’t know.

“I don’t know,” Dulce admitted. “I wasn’t with her. I only showed up at the end of the fight.”

“With Taehyung.”

“Yeah.”

“You two are getting… close.”

Dulce arched her eyebrow and asked, “Are we? Says… Taehyung?”

Jimin laughed and admitted, “I know him too well to trust anything he says. But last time he invited you along, you didn’t join and this time you did.”

“Last time was for a fuck, this was for a game of cards.”

“Yeah, beginner’s luck,” Jimin grumbled because he’d lost and badly. Dulce had won just enough to not seem suspicious, but the men had made a big fuss out of it, like she’d never played cards before, like she needed to be coddled. Because she was a woman. And apparently that made you less good at cards or something? They were all terrible; it was a challenge to lose.

“Everyone in this palace worries too much about who’s fucking who,” she told him, assuming he was trying to clumsily ask if she and Taehyung were fucking, or maybe if she wanted to fuck, or if fucking was off the table.

“Be nice, it’s all they have to do,” Jimin laughed. “It’s Priva! The capital of the world! Live in Priva –live in the palace of Priva– and enjoy infinite wealth, splendors out your ass, nonstop fun!” he shouted, his voice echoing around the empty yard as they crossed it.

Dulce tried not to smile at his drunk antics and gave him a friendly shove, scolding, “Be quiet, you’re a public nuisance.”

“Even the staff here live the life of dreams!”

“If you’re so miserable, leave.”

“I’m not miserable, I love my job. Taehyung’s the one shoveling horse shit, I just fluff collars and make sure the pets get fed and tell people the prince isn’t in his room when he’s got a comic he wants to read,” Jimin corrected.

“Yes, sounds awful.”

“I know what awful is. I know I have it good,” Jimin corrected. “You have it good.”

“Do I?”

“Don’t you?”

“Sure,” Dulce said.

“Is the princess good to you? They say you can tell a lot about someone by how they treat their staff. What does it tell us about the princess, hm? Will she be a good queen, Dulce? What will the world look like when we’re shining the shoes of the people in charge?”

He was drunk and rambling and thinking big thoughts but Dulce wasn’t in the mood to follow. And certainly she would never get so drunk as to start spilling secrets, even Nasimiyu’s. Not only could she hold her liquor better than that, she’d never let herself drink that much. He laughed when she said nothing.

“Enigmatic Dulce.”

“Big word for a Destin.”

“Ha! Classist!”

“Paloman. I believe we’re beneath you in education so I’m punching up.”

“We’re trash people from trash principalities, it’s true,” Jimin sighed. “I don’t have much lost love for my homeland but Prince Seokjin will do right by them. He promised.”

“Hm.”

“He seems to like you, maybe he’ll be a good benefactor to Paloma too.”

“I’m not sure he could find it on a map.”

She hadn’t meant to say that part, but it set Jimin off in a peal of laughter that had him stumbling on the stairs. She felt obligated to see him to his room, which he made a big show of thanking her for, bowing low and kissing her hand, then giving her a gentle tug to see if she’d follow him into his private room. Because of course he got a private room, lucky ass. Why didn’t she get a private room?

But Dulce didn’t feel like fucking anyone right now. Sex would be a chore, despite Jimin’s good looks. The alcohol made her numb and there was too much drama and she was annoyed and not in the mood to be exposed in any way with anyone.

So she declined, pinching Jimin’s ear when he pouted about it. She’d walked away before realizing at least she could have slept in his room, away from so many people. Maybe she ought to have taken him up on it but then “fallen asleep drunkenly” before they could get their clothes off.

This regret mixed with the others from the day, from the past few days, and she felt her spirits sink the further she walked from Jimin and his bright presence. Even his complaints seemed more like bragging and gratitude; he was dedicated to the Prince thoroughly, even when smashed. He belonged here.

Dulce got that bubbling feeling under her skin again, the same one that had made her freeze earlier when Seokjin had said that, making it clear she’d stupidly stepped into a trap without noticing. A feeling that, to be honest, she had been trying to ignore for a while now:

Get out of here.

The strains of that warning threaded through just about every encounter she’d had since she arrived here. She didn’t belong in this palace, with these people, with Nasimiyu, anywhere in sight of this Prince with the walking target on his forehead that he’d practically painted there himself. And what was she doing this all for, to protect a family who hadn’t even tried to find her when she left? No, why would they? All anyone cared about in her family was themself and their own interests. Everything she’d learned about her family as a child was just a lie. It was all a lie, all the good things in the world…

Realizing she was too tired and more than a little drunk and probably going to get in a fight with the other maids when she crept into the sleeping quarters, she took a detour to the kitchen instead. Might as well get some food and water to clear her mind.

It was so late the kitchens were actually quiet, which only happened for a couple hours in the middle of the night, and even then, there was no guarantee that no one would ring the bell with some midnight demand to rouse the overnight staff.

Perhaps that had happened because she heard voices deep in the kitchen, too muffled to make out until she drew close. The door to the outside swung shut as Yoongi turned to her, a bleary look to his eyes.

“Are you cooking?” she asked with confusion because there was no food out.

“Just finished,” he said, gesturing to the dishes piled in the sinks, ready for the washers in the morning. “Did you come for food or company?”

“Food.”

“Had enough company already?” he pressed. “You smell like a tavern.”

“That is probably because I was in one.”

“Really? Didn’t take you for the going out type,” Yoongi mused, beginning to rummage.

“I can find something, you don’t have to.”

“I don’t want you digging around, just sit.”

“I go out,” she belatedly answered. “Sometimes.” She watched his back as he found bread and butter and a bowl of small berries she wasn’t familiar with.

“Me too, when I’m avoiding someone.”

“Who said I was avoiding someone?”

“Were you?”

“What is that berry?”

“They’re called cloudberries,” he explained as she picked from the bowl to inspect. She’d never seen anything like the misshapen orange sphere before. “They’re imported.”

“Too expensive to feed a maid,” she pointed out before popping it into her mouth. She felt very comfortable with Yoongi right now. She didn’t want to but it couldn’t be helped. Sometimes it was lonely, never getting close to anyone. She couldn’t get close to him either but she could settle into a corner with him in a different way than she could with Nasimiyu or with Jimin or Taehyung and somehow all these little pieces of herself she showed in flashes to different because it was human nature to crave connection had to be enough.

No, it was enough!

She didn’t need more than that.

“The king won’t know and the prince won’t mind,” Yoongi assured her.

“You might be surprised…” she mumbled.

“Who are you avoiding?”

“No one,” she answered again, glare brief in Yoongi’s direction because he had fed her, after all.

A thud against the outside wall made them both look over and Yoongi sighed.

“Does someone need you?”

“Are you avoiding… Namjoon?” Yoongi asked. Even before she could roll her eyes he pressed on in an almost deadpan voice, “Did he cause you harm or take advantage of you in any way that makes you feel unsafe?”

For a moment she just looked at him, not sure why the look or voice. He looked like someone had a dagger to his throat, forcing him to ask the question.

Then an idea came to her. She set the bread down before she’d even had a bite, and pushed away from the counter, marching over to the door that led to the outside and threw it open.

Prince Seokjin stood just outside, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed although he straightened immediately at the rush of the door.

She looked back at Yoongi and demanded, “Really? You’re voiceboxing for him? If you have a question, Prince Seokjin, you can ask it to my face.”

“I…” He looked startled and she belatedly recognized her own inappropriate intensity and familiarity. The alcohol might not make her divulge secrets, but there had been a lot of it, and it did make her a little…loose. Informal. Irritable.

Just as quickly, he cleared his throat and asked with all the propriety of a lord asking a lady for a dance, “Did he hurt you?”

“No!” she scoffed and strode back into the kitchen to get her food. He followed, as she suspected he would.

“I don’t mean to offend you by asking the question–”

“You do offend me. Who I fuck is none of your business.”

He blinked rapidly, maybe at her language, and assured her, “Yes, I– yes, of course it’s not, but– except that I wanted to make sure–”

“You wanted to make sure,” she repeated, grabbing the hunk of bread. “So instead of asking me, you brawled in the courtyard and then shouted my name, associating me– spreading my private business–”

“I suspected he had– Nasimiyu told me– I only wanted to protect you,” he said, and recoiled as if he had tossed her a hot potato and suspected she would throw it back in his face.

“To protect me,” she repeated in utter disbelief.

“He’s a lord and you’re a… a maid.”

“Yes. Thank you.”

“I don’t mean it as an insult,” he hurried to say. “But it wouldn’t be the first time someone used their title to take advantage of a woman who– who might feel as if no one cares or that there is no justice to be had.”

“Noble of you. Do you run around fighting everyone who does such a thing? Before there is even a complaint from the woman?”

“I… well…” He clearly floundered for words and Dulce bit into the bread because she felt too loud herself and didn’t like it. She was furious, she realized about herself. She didn’t even fully understand why, except that this man had done something stupid and she was furious about it. “I don’t often have it brought to my attention,” he stammered out. “If I did, yes, of course I would defend any woman who needed it.”

“This one didn’t.”

“Well…”

“Not every woman is a damsel in distress.”

“Yes, certainly, of course not. And I’m no knight,” he offered, smiling with that supplicating grin like he hoped he could soothe her anger with a joke.

“I don’t think a knight would shout a woman’s private affairs right in the middle of the courtyard–”

“What did you shout?” Yoongi asked, eyes going wide. “You didn’t mention that part.”

“I– well, you see, it was just– ah, you know how it goes when you have a fight and your blood is pumping and the nerves, maybe you don’t think through everything… I don’t know what I said, I don’t think it was important…”

“It was private,” she said, lowering her voice, lowering her eyes, playing into the very image of demure lady she realized he expected of her. Soft little sweet maid. Quiet. Unassuming. Violated.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just– I know him, and I don’t want him taking advantage of you– or anyone! But especially–”

Yoongi coughed and pounded on his chest so Dulce didn’t hear what Seokjin said.

“I mean that I’m sorry I said anything. I’m sorry I got involved in your affairs, it just never occurred to me that you would… I mean that you…”

“That I have sex?” she blurted out. “I do. I have sex. I’m not this blushing virgin maid you seem to think I am! You don’t have to come swooping in to fight off men for me.”

“Well I just– in the city that day, those men were bothering–”

“I could have taken care of them too! I don’t need your help!”

“Yes of course not,” he said, and pinched his cheek and turned away. “Of course you don’t. You um… you have feelings for him and it’s not my right to interfere–”

“Your idea of women is so…”

Yoongi held his hand up to her, an interruption that gave her just the pause she needed to realize she was saying too much. Expressing too much. She was just so mad that he of all people could so greatly misunderstand her. Underestimate her! And the infuriating thing was that she couldn’t actually even tell him the truth! That she’d been thinking of–

NO, not that truth! That she had murdered–

No, not that one either! That she could kill if she needed to, that she could defend herself–

“Sometimes women have sex for fun,” Yoongi informed Seokjin. “It doesn’t have to be profound.”

Seokjin’s face had turned a deep shade of scarlet, his ears practically emitting flames in the low light of the kitchen lamps, as he stammered, “Yes, of course, I know that. I just meant– I didn’t realize it was your way of passing the time– but that’s fine! I’m not here to judge. I just misunderstood but it was– it was a good faith mistake! I just want to make sure you feel safe and happy here. Namjoon is known to have– well there was this business before where he inserted himself into the wrong woman– I mean situation!” he cried. “Honestly the fight wasn’t even about you, we go way back, I’ve had problems with him and how he treats women for a long time.”

Yoongi swept crumbs from the counter where her abandoned bread sat hardening, and mumbled, “I don’t know, maybe he treats them well…”

“You aren’t helping here,” Seokjin said, the only thing he’d managed to say that didn’t sound like a stuttering, stumbling mess.

“I fed her, helpful,” Yoongi countered. “You overstepped, so just say you’re sorry and move on.”

“I’m sorry, move on,” Seokjin said, then covered his face and cried, “Fuck, I meant–”

Dulce genuinely couldn’t believe this guy, so worked up about her anger that he clearly couldn’t think straight. She hated herself for wanting to laugh at what he’d said. It was funny, if he’d meant it as a joke. She hated how much she liked that he told jokes at the worst times. But she was furious with him! Mortified! Ashamed! How dare he say something funny right now!

“I would love to move on but now I might lose my job because of my private… happenings,” she said. Not entirely true, but not totally a lie, and she couldn’t let go of her anger so easily.

“You won’t,” Seokjin said, as if he had any control of it. “There’s no way Nasimiyu would lose you over this. Just because you have terrible taste in men doesn’t mean–”

“Jin…” Yoongi mumbled.

“Well she deserves to know– you deserve to know he’s not a good man. Maybe it’s just sex, I don’t know, that’s your– that’s your own private affair, but you should know he’s not a good man so don’t expect anything good from him.”

“Stop worrying about me!”

“Yes, right, fine, I’ll just turn it off!” he said, throwing up his hands. “I’m sorry I tried to be a decent man.”

“You have bigger things to worry about than the sex life of a maid,” she huffed. “I didn’t ask for your help or your worry or your– your saving or whatever you thought you were doing!”

“Yes, I see that now. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again. I’ll just mind my own business. Pretend I don’t even know you.”

“You don’t know me!” she pointed out.

He didn’t say anything. Just threw his hands up and walked out the door of the kitchen into the yard. It enraged Dulce. She felt a nearly-impossible-to-ignore urge to chase after him and grab his arm because how dare he just walk off during an argument? Nearly, but not quite; she stopped herself because Yoongi was there, and the sight of him was enough to sober her the pinch she needed to realize she was behaving like a drunk lunatic. She never lost control like this. She never bickered like this! There was no point! Bickering gave someone else power over you. Needing to have the last word or prove a point or correct someone’s thinking meant you cared, and she didn’t have space to care –certainly not about what some stupid prince who was going to die anyway thought about her. Who gave a shit if he thought she was fucking around? Who gave a shit if he thought she was inexperienced and shy and helpless? Who gave a shit what he thought at all?

She’d shouted at him. She’d shown too much, cared too much, let her feelings take over in a way that made everything a thousand times more embarrassing. She’d shouted at the crown prince. And Yoongi had witnessed the whole thing.

Cover cover cover!

“I’m drunk,” she told Yoongi, not a lie. She let her eyes get really wide and asked, “Do you think he’ll have me thrown in prison for talking to him like–”

“If you want him to stop infantilizing you, you should stop it with the eyes,” Yoongi dismissed her with a gesture.

“What?” She was genuinely surprised. No one had ever cut so sharply through that sort of thing with her before.

“Honestly, I’m beginning to wonder if you’re doing it on purpose.”

“Doing what on purpose?”

“Interfering.”

“Interfering with what?” she asked, her confusion genuine because what could he possibly mean by that?! Interfering with… “With the Prince and Lord Namjoon? It’s not a secret they hate each other but why would anything I do with Lord Namjoon have anything to do with the other? It was just alcohol-induced sex after the ball! Fucking isn’t always that deep!”

“Ah, he’d have a quip for that,” Yoongi snickered. Dulce didn’t know if that meant she’d managed to clear his suspicions that she was up to something. But honestly, to think she’d fucked Namjoon as a way to… to what? To piss off Nasimiyu, if anything!

“I don’t know what you’re accusing me of doing.”

“Nothing,” he said. “I don’t either. Why don’t you head off though? Take your bread. Damn, what a mess.”

“The crumbs?” she asked, knowing it wasn’t the crumbs, knowing that apparently he didn’t buy the innocent act. And Seokjin had bought it too much. And she was angry about him buying the very act she had fed him and for why? Because he’d believed it so much he was willing to fight a man about it? That couldn’t really truly actually be the reason he’d fought Namjoon and yet…

She took her bread and the cloudberries and left, but the berries tasted too sweet right now, like they’d make her sick.

The first person to ever fight for Dulce and it had to be him?

What a mess.

“He was on duty when he disappeared?” Dong-gun asked, looking down his nose at Jungkook as Seokjin stood by. Jungkook nodded, glancing at Seokjin for confirmation. The remaining three men of Seokjin’s bodyguard rotation stood by, with a space in between where Edmung ought to be. Five, five men who followed Seokjin around the clock, even stood outside to do nothing but wait when he slept or pissed or attended council. Even checked the washroom before he entered if it was outside his own chamber. And fuck him if he had bubble-guts or something and needed to spend some extra time in there, because they just stood there on the outside, waiting, knowing.

The guards had been assigned to him since that time he’d been just about assassinate years ago, but Seokjin didn’t complain about it anymore because the truth was he dodged them all the fucking time so it wasn’t too much of a burden. Jungkook wound up with an unfair balance of shifts because Jungkook was the one he was least inclined to dodge. But Alonzo, Muhtar, and Marks were old, annoying, judgmental, and never laughed at any of Seokjin’s jokes. He also suspected they reported everything he said and did to his father –or would have if he did anything worthy of mention, good or bad. He didn’t trust them much, though he supposed they were good at their job. There hadn’t been any close calls since that hunting trip. It could also be that no one cared enough to try anymore.

“Seokjin?”

“He was just gone,” Seokjin confirmed with a shrug. “I didn’t lose him on purpose. I don’t remember the last time I saw him.”

“It’s a window of two hours between when his rotation began and when Jungkook noticed he was missing,” Muhtar explained. That was a long time in which Seokjin couldn’t recall a single interaction with the man. Not that they usually interacted. He was sort of… annoying. A few years older than Jungkook, and he did laugh at Seokjin’s jokes sometimes, but he just took himself and his job so seriously. The older guards did too, but they were calmer about it. Sometimes Seokjin wanted to take Edmund by the shoulders and shake him and insist This isn’t an impressive assignment! The only person who ever tried to kill me was a crazy guy who thought I looked too much like my dead mother to live! He insisted he could talk to animals and that he controlled the boar he sent after me with his mind! He was nuts!

Damn, he hated to remember it. The immediate formation of his guard might make it appear as though his father was deeply concerned about the attempt, rather than embarrassed at his son’s incompetence. Seokho was off winning a war and Seokjin was nearly killed by a wild boar in the caves while holding a gun. He’d shot ducks before, he’d caught and cleaned his own fish, he wasn’t –as his father laughed and lectured for years to come– incapable of getting his hands dirty with the matters of life and death. Incapable of defending himself while his older brother was off fighting and killing people.

The boar had nearly killed him. Gouged him in the side, knocked him off a cliff, and he’d hung there bleeding to death as Jungkook shot the boar in the head, shot the assassin in the leg from his perch in the trees, and pulled Seokjin up from the branch. At nineteen. Home on a brief leave from the military and allowed to hunt with them as a favor to his late father who’d died defending Dong-gun. A hero at nineteen while Seokjin couldn’t even shoot a boar that was about to kill him.

He’d never said it, but sometimes Seokjin wondered if his father wished the boar had finished the job. Or that his sons had traded places, and it was Seokjin who’d died in the Therepin border skirmish two months later. He himself felt like that sometimes too. Not that he wanted to die –because actually there were many things he enjoyed in life– but that it wouldn’t be so bad to die because he didn’t really get to live much anyway. That’s how he felt sometimes. If he died, eh, maybe it was meant to be, and he’d done his best to wring enjoyment from his short life while he could.

So he snuck into the city to enjoy himself. He broke away from his bodyguards so they wouldn’t watch him with those dull, judgmental, disappointed gazes, pretending not to but observing everything. Even Edmund, who acted like it was a great honor to be hired to guard the crown prince. It led him to wish the bodyguards weren’t there, to act like it, so that a man who dedicated his life to Seokjin’s safety disappeared and Seokjin couldn’t even say the last time he’d seen him.

“There’s been no body found?” King Dong-gun asked the head of palace security.

“No, sir.”

“Which means he could still be alive and talking,” Uncle Dong-suk pointed out, standing by the window. Seokjin was surprised his father had allowed his uncle into this meeting on palace security affairs after they’d fought nonstop since his uncle’s arrival, but maybe Uncle Dong-suk had just invited himself and his father simply hadn’t wanted to argue any more.

Seokjin shrugged, “He won’t have anything to talk about. He doesn’t go into council with me. I don’t have anything confidential in my rooms and he doesn’t go into them anyway.”

“Guards don’t have free access to all places in the palace,” the head of palace security insisted. “If Edmund was attempting to access anything important, the guards posted at those rooms would deny him entry.”

Marks –who, notably, had hired Edmund– insisted, “We have no reason to believe he was a traitor. It’s more likely he was captured and is loyal and innocent of wrong-doing.”

“Except for getting captured, leaving my son open to danger.”

“But how would he actually be captured in the middle of the palace while on duty?” Alonzo pointed out. “He wouldn’t go without a fight.”

“Unless he’s guilty is my point.”

“In which case he would probably leave while off duty,” Jungkook pointed out. “I don’t know how he was taken but I think he was, ser. Quickly and quietly.”

“Could this be related to the body found in the Princess’s bureau?” Muhtar suggested.

“Should we double up bodyguards? Two at a time?”

“No,” Seokjin said quickly. “I’ll just be more aware of what’s around me.” No one had a comment on that, which he took poorly; they clearly didn’t think him capable of being aware of his surroundings, a low fucking bar. “We don’t even know what happened, I don’t see any reason to double up my guards, especially when I don’t even leave the palace. For all we know he went to help a cat and slipped over the sea wall or something…”

The debate went on. Ultimately Seokjin won about not increasing his bodyguard, but lost about increasing palace guards. Two attacks within the walls was two too many. The search for Edmund would continue, though without a single lead, it seemed as likely to be solved as the dead body in Nasimiyu’s bedroom.

Seokjin felt a headache coming on. Things seemed to be going from bad to worse. Everything had been so quiet and dull before Nasimiyu arrived and now he couldn’t keep up with it all. His father wanted to spend the afternoon holding court as a way to show there was nothing wrong, but intelligence had come in about another demonstration in Destin and Uncle Dong-suk wanted to “talk about it.” Which probably meant arguing with Dong-gun about whether he could take several hundred soldiers and just raze the principality to the ground. The more Seokjin learned about his uncle’s policies –both on and off the books– the more he feared his father had an absolute sadist running the military.

They won wars. Their borders were safe. But if the things he heard said about his uncle’s campaigns were true, how could his father possibly let the man be the top general of all Yeonhalbi’s military? Yet at the same time, he saw his father constantly checking his uncle, telling him no about this, no about that. Did they genuinely disagree? Did his uncle do those things anyway? Did his father feel like it just gave him plausible deniability?

Seokjin didn’t know what the truth was. He was scared to know more. All he knew for a fact was that his uncle was cruel, had frightened him since he was a child, beaten him plenty of times to instill that fear, and seemed incapable of joy or mercy. When Seokjin was king someday, Dong-suk would have to go. Surely there was a man who could run the armies for Yeonhalbi and not give off the impression, true or not, that he was committing war atrocities –or, what seemed to be his father’s latest accusation, lying about unrest simply to get permission for a war. If nothing else, Seokjin would need a general he could say no to, who would listen to that no. In this fictional world where suddenly Seokjin knew the right thing to do and just needed people to execute his grand plans.

But how were you supposed to know? As he sat through the debate about Destin –which had his father and uncle arguing so loudly he thought they’d come to blows– all Seokjin could think was, how are you supposed to know? How did you know which wars were worth fighting? How did you know which sacrifices were worth making? Which risks worth taking? It was one thing to refuse a doubled guard because it was his own life at risk; it was another entirely to debate whether the time had come to handle Destin with overwhelming violence or if they could afford to ignore the new alleged raids happening along the Therepin border. Those were Yeonhalbin lives being lost either path you took.

All Seokjin could think was that it was good there were adults handling these decisions. Adult who knew what to do. But did they? They had all differing opinions. And he was an adult! At twenty-nine, shouldn’t he have a clear idea of the right things to do, the proper choices to make? Seok-ho had died at thirty-one, but by twenty-nine he’d already been so sure of himself.

Seokjin couldn’t even manage to be friends with a maid. He’d been so sure he was finally doing the right thing for her, for women in general. Finally taking a stand against Namjoon and his greed. Nasimiyu seemed happy about it but Dulce… damn. Dulce had really put him in his place about it, in a way he’d never expected. He felt like shit about the whole thing –that he’d gotten it so wrong, that he’d insulted her without meaning to, and maybe worst of all, that she’d chosen Namjoon.

She’d chosen him.

It didn’t matter whether it was just sex or something more. Dulce tolerated Seokjin’s jokes and drank hot chocolate with him and tried his culinary masterpieces in the kitchen, but when it came to actual attraction, her eyes went right to Namjoon. Not that Seokjin expected Dulce would choose him or anything, but couldn’t it have been anyone but Namjoon? If she wanted “just sex” so badly? Yoongi was right there! Hell, Jimin and Taehyung had made it annoyingly obvious she was welcome to their dick, and Jungkook had slid right in at the ball–

Who was he kidding? Seokjin knew he’d sulk at least a little no matter who she chose. For reasons he was not particularly interested in analyzing, thank you very much. It wasn’t important. It wasn’t personal. Maybe he just respected her opinions, and would have liked for her to think highly of him. Maybe he’d like to be chosen by someone for once. No one ever chose him. Nasimiyu wasn’t even choosing him, she was just stuck with him.

For some reason, girls always chose Namjoon.

He failed to wipe the scowl from his face as he crossed paths with Namjoon and Mindeulle in the hall. It was pure coincidence; he would have simply avoided making eye contact and hurried away. Instead his gaze just happened to narrow as he came face to face with both of them.

“You can’t be like this forever, please, Seokjin,” Mindeulle leapt into the middle.

For once, Seokjin said nothing, because he wasn’t sure what to say. On one hand, he might owe Namjoon an apology. On the other hand, he meant what he’d said. In fact, he meant it even more now that Dulce had confirmed it was consensual. Looking at Namjoon’s dumb face and broad muscular body and incessant talking about intelligent and profound things and understanding now that this was what Dulce had been drawn to made feelings begin to boil again. So he kept his mouth shut. Because he could be intelligent and profound too and he thought Dulce knew that but apparently she didn’t like his kind of intelligent and profound, or at least not his face. And it didn’t matter because she was just the maid of his future wife but all the same.

“It’s fine,” Namjoon mumbled and grabbed Mindeulle’s arm to drag her away.

“But–”

“I said it’s fine.”

Seokjin didn’t feel fine about any bit of it, and he didn’t appreciate Namjoon taking some kind of high road either. But all he could do was stride down the hall away from them, trying to look like he had not a single care in the world. He wanted to be that man again, the one who didn’t care, who didn’t worry, who just let himself be carried along by the inevitable and did his best because nothing more could be asked for. But ever since Nasimiyu had arrived, he’d been confronted again and again by all the ways his best was wrong or ridiculous or not good enough.

And now one of his bodyguards was either dead or betraying him. Personally, his money was on dead, but did he really know anyone? Anyone? Maybe Edmund had been tracking his movements or eavesdropping on things around the palace for months and just split because the time was right! That was better though. Otherwise a man had quietly died for him. It made him feel sick.

Seokjin needed out of here. He needed to get away from this place and people for a few days and decompress. Not Prince Seokjin, not Dong-gun’s leftover son, most certainly not the future king. He wanted to sit on a dinky little fishing boat and catch his own dinner and invent a new spice rub. He never got to go fishing these days. The most he managed was hiding away in his room and even that seemed impossible lately. His poor pets were suffering without him! Everything just felt too big and heavy.

Hands on his back made him jump and spin with a shout that Marks pretended not to see as Nasimiyu looked up at him with surprise.

“Ah, you. Hey you,” he grinned at her, stumbling to match the energy that flowed just from her hands pressed against his chest and the curve of her lips.

“Nasimiyu. Your fiance. Remember me?”

“Yes, I think so,” he joked. “Um…” Her hand slid down his chest to tap his belt loop before she pulled her hands away. His mind tripped, confused by the openly fond way she looked at him now. Yes they’d had sex, but she seemed so different towards him than she had even before yesterday.

“Are you rushing off to something important?” she asked him.

“No, leaving. Hoping to avoid anything else important today. Mundane activities only.”

“Oh. Hm. I had an idea, but it’s not very mundane.”

“Oh? Uh…” He looked up and down the hall but they were alone (except for Marks. Fucking Marks.) “What did you have in mind?” He figured he must be reading unintended flirtiness into her behavior and wasn’t disappointed by that fact. His mind was a million places at once right now and he did not feel up to the task of being a very good lover.

“I wanted to thank you. For taking me seriously yesterday.” She dropped her voice and clarified, “About Lord Namjoon and my maid.”

“Ah. Right. You don’t have to thank me. You’re to be my wife, of course I’ll take you seriously.” He gave her a serious nod to drive the point home.

“I know you’ve had to endure teasing about it. From your father and uncle.” Teasing wasn’t the word he’d use but it didn’t matter; he shrugged. “So let’s spend some time together.”

“Ah, I’m sorry Nasimiyu, I’m a little distracted this afternoon. I don’t have the energy to go out–”

“Not to go out, to stay in. Come on,” she said, taking his hand and tugging him along. He knew he must be misunderstanding, and truthfully he wanted to just go back to his room and be alone, but he also knew that Nasimiyu was being openly affectionate with him for the first time ever and he’d be an idiot not to encourage it. Wasn’t this what he had longed for –for years? His future bride tossing a coy smile over her shoulder and leading him by the hand to her bedroom? Shutting the door and the world outside and guiding his hands to the laces of her dress?

“Right now?” he asked with surprise.

“Something wrong? Do you have a schedule?”

“No. No, I just– I’m surprised. That’s all.” He wasn’t prepared for this, mentally. He willed himself to prepare as her clothing fell away –even though it felt all wrong. The sun was out. That had never occurred to him as something wrong for sex, but it’s what he blamed the wrongness on now. Or the stress of the day.

“Seokjin?”

“Sorry, I…” He almost told her that Edmund was missing but decided it was better not to frighten her. Not until he knew there was actually a reason to be frightened. “Just distracted. A lot on my mind today.”

“I don’t suppose your uncle had anything good to say today either, did he?” she asked. To his surprise, she didn’t seem angry about his confession or the delay. Her body was all feline grace as she walked, totally nude, to her vanity and removed her jewelry. “Just war war war, I supposed?”

“Yes. War war war.”

“I don’t like him,” she admitted, meeting his gaze through the mirror. She was beautiful. She was so beautiful. Why wasn’t his body responding to this beautiful woman standing so comfortably naked in front of him?

“Me either.”

“I want him gone. As soon as possible,” Nasimiyu said.

Seokjin cracked a crooked grin and admitted, “I don’t make decisions like that.”

“Yet. Someday you will, when you’re king.”

“Yes, someday.”

“And we’ll get someone else to be our general then,” she said. “Right? Even my father would be better. Or maybe not my father, I don’t know, but someone we can trust not to– do you think the rumors about what he’s done are true?”

“I don’t know what rumors you’ve heard. I hope not. It’s making me cold; let’s not talk about him more while you’re naked. I don’t want those things to get crossed in my mind.”

“Yes, of course. But I just mean, you agree? That we’ll replace him?”

“It can be the very first thing we do someday.”

Nasimiyu turned back to him and took hold of the lapel of his jacket, all grins as she cooed, “Our first agreement for our future rule.”

“I hope we’ll agree on a lot more than that.”

“I’m sure we will. You’re far more reasonable than I initially thought. But right now, you seem overly burdened with your work today and taking care of that nonsense with Namjoon and my maid yesterday so let me take a load off your mind.”

“Uh… yes?” She nudged him backwards to the bed, unbuttoning his jacket and shirt, undoing his belt and pants.

“You just lay back and do exactly as I say and I think we can both be very happy.”

Seokjin would have been a fool not to go along with this, and so he lay back, and tried to will his mind clear. He was a lucky man. With a beautiful bride. The way she rode him felt good, so good, what more could he possibly ask for?

***

“Hang these in the closet,” Mirte told her, draping the gowns across Dulce’s arms. “No need to linger, you’re going on a cleaning shift after that.”

Dulce’s arms itched beneath the heavy silks and velvets and beadwork –totally the wrong clothing for a salty city like Priva– as she complained, “Can’t I take them in the morning?” She suspected Nasimiyu was in the room and wasn’t in the mood to see her. She’d managed to avoid her since their argument, and was even more convinced now that she ought to keep herself scarce, in case somehow Seokjin’s shout had reached Nasimiyu’s ears: Keep your fucking hands off Dulce! Dulce was a failure at her mission. The target shouldn’t know your name like that.

Her getting assigned to laundry and cleaning had Nasimiyu’s other maids delighted, since it was obvious Dulce had fallen out of favor. She didn’t care; she was glad for the distance.

“She’s wearing the orange tomorrow, it must be hung in there tonight, do not question your orders,” Mirte scolded. Older, gray-haired, a total bitch ever since Princess Simisola had insisted Dulce be brought along as part of Nasimiyu’s household despite her obvious bumbling skills as a maid. If Mirte had half a brain she knew there was something suspicious about it, but apparently she had the other half that wanted to keep her job and life and so she had accepted this inconvenience without further question. But plenty of barbs towards Dulce.

Fine, Dulce would hang the gowns and leave quickly, no matter what Nasimiyu might say or do. How like her to demand a specific dress for the next day. Who cared? Grab something from your dozens of gowns already hanging and don’t force a maid to run around the palace with your ridiculously expensive clothing when she’d rather do the laundry and get some rest.

Dulce knocked at the door and paused a moment to make sure Nasimiyu didn’t shout at her to go away. It was normal for servants to slip in and out otherwise unnoticed. They weren’t important, after all, not people, just tools, pieces of furniture there to serve the house without question or notice.

The guard had to pull the door for her to slip inside, which she couldn’t do quietly with so much fabric draped over her. She could barely see around herself, a veritable moving mountain, as she shuffled sideways so as not to bash her shins on any wayward furniture or drag the hems and have to wash them all over again.

Which meant her mind lagged without a visual and with her senses focused on safety. The moans didn’t register at first, the dull thud of a mattress. The masculine shout coincided with the moment her mind registered the sounds, wait a moment. Instinct made her twist quickly to see the source of the cry just as Prince Seokjin leapt from the bed, dragging a sheet around his waist and turning his back to her.

Nasimiyu looked lazily over her shoulder, the long curve of her body stretched across the bed. She looked neither bothered nor surprised to see Dulce, as if she looked right through her. Dulce couldn’t decide if this was cruelty on display, if Nasimiyu had engineered her to walk in on her and the Prince fucking, or if Nasimiyu only meant her cold indifference at this happenstance to be the barb.

“Ah, hi… Dulce…” Seokjin stammered, body curled away from her as if he could disappear, as if she might not notice he was nude except for the sheet. Mid-fuck. Flushed and sweaty. Dulce’s insides grated against each other, shredding. “Uh…”

Nasimiyu rolled her eyes and insisted, “Come back to bed, Seokjin, she’s just hanging my gowns.”

Cruel cruel cruel. It was one thing to have listened to Nasimiyu wax poetic about Seokjin’s cock, it was another to interrupt their lovemaking. Dulce turned her back to them, desperate to look as unbothered. She didn’t want to give Nasimiyu the satisfaction. It didn’t matter if this had been intentional. It seemed like a game Nasimiyu might play to get revenge about Namjoon, to prove to Dulce how replaceable she was, the make sure she understood that Nasimiyu was fucking someone else too. Her future husband. She had no way of knowing Dulce would feel more bothered by Seokjin’s naked, muscular back than the soft curves covering the sharp edges of Nasimiyu’s anger. Dulce snipped quickly, easily, at the cords connecting her to Nasimiyu, but tangled herself up confronted by the prince. Naked. Interrupted mid-fuck. An image that would never leave her mind now. He looked even taller out of his clothes. There was definition to his leanness she had not anticipated, lines of muscle along his arms and across his stomach. Knowing how he ate, how was his waist so thin?

And he’d just had his cock in Nasimiyu, that one she raved about so eloquently.

Dulce said nothing and moved as quietly as she could, as if she could undo her presence. She shuffled into the closet and drew deep, trembling breaths to control herself. She was good at control. There was nothing remarkable here. Just a servant going about their business while their mistress lived her life. She hung the gowns quickly, nauseated by every brush of her hand against the fabric. How stupid, how ridiculous that people were born into such different lives like that. Because of the circumstances of her birth, here was Nasimiyu, a princess spending her evening stretched out beneath a prince. And Dulce hung her gowns, each one probably worth more than her family’s entire property, gowns which must be delivered tonight so that Nasimiyu could wear the one of her choosing tomorrow, even while the princess was busy being fucked by a prince. The prince.

It took an eternity to hang the damn gowns. Probably the hems were wrinkling and she’d done a bad job but fuck everyone, Dulce didn’t care. She wasn’t a laundress. She wasn’t even a fucking maid. She was sick of this whole fucking place and the people in it and her reason for being here was irrevocably broken. Nasimiyu’s cruelty had turned towards her now and she wasn’t going to sit around and be her punching bag, a plaything. She’d leave tonight and never look back and Prince Hamisi could throw his tantrum. Maybe she’d even go back to her family and move them. Maybe Prince Hamisi was full of bluff and shit anyway. Maybe she’d kill Prince Hamisi, just for fun.

She tried not to look at either of them as she left the room. Nasimiyu lay on her back, chest clearly pushed up, probably hoping Dulce would notice her tits, ever vain. Prince Seokjin sat on the edge of the bed, blanket still wrapped around his waist, back to both women and face cast down and away. His shoulders slumped miserably. Poor baby, had he lost his erection? Not an exhibitionist? Good luck keeping up with Nasimiyu if one maid walking through was enough to interrupt him. Most men wouldn’t stop. Some men would make eye contact and enjoy the audience. Half the noblemen were probably fucking their maids anyway. King Dong-gun had been after all. Had it started when the Queen’s handmaid walked through the room, just like this? Had it been a secret at first, or had the Queen extended her hand and asked Taehyung’s mother to join? Nasimiyu extended her hand and Dulce saw her smile out of the periphery, almost like she was going to suggest it.

But Prince Seokjin wasn’t his father. Dulce couldn’t imagine he’d agree to that, not if he couldn’t even keep fucking his wife while a piece of furniture brought in the laundry.

Dulce was only too glad to close the door behind herself. The guards laughed and she realized they had known what they were letting her in to. They thought it was funny, a maid passing into a room where people were fucking. Everyone was a sick voyeur, was that it?

No, in another situation Dulce might have seen the humor. She might have rolled her eyes about the whole thing. Maybe in a different situation, she would have invited herself. That was the dark thought she wouldn’t let her mind entertain –a world in which she didn’t hate Nasimiyu, in which Nasimiyu wasn’t angry with her, in which she would be invited into that bed and–

No, she wouldn’t let that fantasy linger for even a moment! She wouldn’t think about what she would do, what Nasimiyu would do, what the prince might do in that situation. Never. Some thoughts were too destructive to think, and right now she was frazzled and shocked and…

…and distressed. She recognized the pounding of her heart but at least it was invisible to anyone who saw her as she charged through the hallways of the palace and headed for the gate down to the street. Her mind turned to the idea of sex as a defense, to strip away the emotion. Because there was emotion. There shouldn’t be emotion. But Dulce felt stabbed in a place harder to reach, harder to heal. Maybe impossible to heal. Nasimiyu and the prince were only doing what was normal and their right to do and yet she felt…

It was time to go. Right this moment. There was no one and nothing to stop her. All this time her chains had only been made of loyalty and blackmail, far too weak to hold her. She broke free of them and focused only on the soft taps of her shoes against the stone steps as she took to the staircase leading to the sea wall and away from this cursed place.

The sea wall would be the most direct path through Priva. She’d calm down by the time she reached the far side of the city and think of what to do and where to go next. Obviously she couldn’t stay here, not even in a city this large, because she’d see them. She didn’t want to be anywhere near them. No Marvono. No Therepin. Sartia? Destin? Maybe Rinsk. Nothing ever fucking happened in Rinsk, but then it would be hard to find work. Maybe she really should go south, find mercenary work instead of assassin work. Drink her way through a lot of money and hack things to death until a blade caught up to her and silenced it all. It wasn’t like there was anything else holding her anywhere for any reason.

Dulce sat heavily on one of the benches looking over the dark sea and let the wave of emotions crest over her head and roll further along without her. It was too much. Living life several steps ahead of emotion left her unprepared for the way feelings tore at her now. She couldn’t name them, couldn’t understand them, just knew that they were there and they were drowning her and she couldn’t endure this. She didn’t want to feel like this. She gripped the edge of the bench and breathed the humid, warm air in deep and tried to sink into the dark waves below, tried to let the loud crash of them breaking against the rocks drown out everything. Tried to match her heartbeat to their steady cadence. It was slow. A large wave broke and then several smaller ones failed to match it until the next large one came along. The noise of it felt like ringing in her ears.

For a long time she sat there, letting herself be rocked by the sound of the waves. How unfair that Priva had to be on the sea. She liked the sea, she had learned that while living here. There was a sea on the far side of Paloma but she’d never been there. Maybe she ought to. She could go to Sartia to stay by the sea but it would mean dealing with more nobles and frankly she felt on the verge of a murderous rage from which no noble was safe.

No nobles lived in Paloma. The Paloma sea was colder though, she was pretty sure. Further north. There was something about the sticky heat of this sea that would linger with her. She’d never come here again but she was glad to take this moment and let this feeling drown out everything else. This was what she would try to remember of her time in Priva –not evenings in the kitchen, not an afternoon drinking hot chocolate in an expensive cafe in the city, not ballrooms and ballgowns or longing to join the sparring in the yard or any of it. Fuck this place and all the people here.

She felt the eyes on her later than she ought to have. In a moment she knew someone was watching her and had been for a while. For a brief moment she wondered if it was Nasimiyu or the Prince –more likely to be him because Nasimiyu wouldn’t patiently await acknowledgement, but less likely to be him because why would he come after her?

Slowly she turned her head to identify who it was. Her hand slid into her skirt for her blade –not the one Nasimiyu had given her, the one she actually preferred– as a hooded figure stepped along the seawall towards her. The person seemed to shy away from the others walking past, leaving a wide berth between themself and the evening strollers. Dulce realized how effectively she had blocked everyone out. The seawall was a popular destination at this time of evening, with the sun only just set. An unlikely place for anyone to threaten her but not impossible.

The woman sat on the bench beside Dulce and shifted the hood of her cloak just enough for Dulce to see her face, soft and nervous and not the least bit threatening. It took a moment longer for her to place where she had seen this person before: in court weeks ago. King Dong-gun had thrown her child and he’d been hurt.

Dulce felt her stomach cramp with the certainty that she was about to learn something she did not want to know.

“I’m sorry,” the woman said by way of introduction. “I’ve been looking for a way to cross paths with you.”

“With me?”

“Yes. You see, I need to get a letter to the prince, and I can’t trust anyone to deliver it for me. You were kind before, when my child was injured, and you are in proximity to him. You serve his fiance, the Princess.”

“Anyone might deliver a letter,” Dulce pointed out.

“I’ve been trying to catch you for a week,” the woman continued. “I need to be sure the letter gets to him, it’s very important. And… and I have to ask that you don’t read it. It’s for the prince’s eyes only. It’s very important.”

“What makes you think I won’t read the letter the way anyone might? Why me?”

The woman laughed, a sad laugh, and admitted, “I don’t know that. I have to take the risk. I’m desperate.” She held the letter out with a trembling hand.

“What’s in the letter?”

“I can’t tell you.” The woman hesitated, then added, “I’m trying to keep my children safe. That’s all. I don’t know you and I know you don’t owe me anything, but I’m just a mother trying to keep her children safe.”

Dulce took the letter. She felt the woman’s close study as she tucked it into her pocket.

“I don’t know why you’d trust me,” Dulce admitted, “but I’ll deliver your letter.”

“When my child was hurt, you were the first to move to help.”

“My mistress helped. And the prince.”

“You were the first to move, I saw it. You were the only one to see us out afterwards and ask if my son was all right. You gave my children candy…” Dulce had. She’d swiped it from the kitchen on her way to find the women and her sons before they left the palace that day, hoping the gesture would loosen the woman’s lips and she could understand why King Dong-gun had reacted so strangely at the sight of her. The answer to her questions might very well be in that letter.

“That doesn’t make me a good person. Anyone could read your letter and sell your secrets.”

The woman nodded and closed her eyes. Everything about her seemed a breath away from shattering.

“I know that. I’m begging you not to.”

“I won’t,” Dulce found herself agreeing. “I’ll deliver your letter, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“When?”

“I can leave it in his room tonight,” Dulce suggested. He’s not in there anyway.

“No, no, please hand it to him. I can’t risk that he misses it.”

“All right, I’ll hand it to him tomorrow morning,” Dulce said. Maybe it was a lie. She hadn’t planned on going back to the palace. She’d see what was in the letter and then decide.

“Thank you.” The woman looked like she wanted to say more, her eyes watering and catching the silvery moonlight. She had a beautiful face. Sad, but beautiful. Instead she simply said, “Thank you,�� again and then quickly departed.

Dulce didn’t love finding out the woman had been specifically trying to catch her, though in a way she could understand why. Small gestures could have big impacts. She didn’t think anyone had noticed Nasimiyu didn’t move when the child was hurt until Dulce did. Maybe everyone had.

The letter was burning a hole in her pocket now. She wanted to open it but not where the woman would see her, just in case she still watched. Sympathy for the woman cut through her own noisy emotions; curiosity managed the rest. At least it was only herself she had to manage. She couldn’t imagine trying to make it in this world with children. What a curse to have children whom you loved but born into a life in which you couldn’t protect them.

Dulce rose and returned to the palace, where she could be sure of finding a place to read the letter where the woman couldn’t see. The laundry was quiet at night, since the noise would wake the nobles in the nearby wing, so she went there and leaned against the wall to carefully pry up the seal with a candle and the blade of her knife. The fact that the woman had a seal already struck her as odd and she wished she knew anything about the symbol on it.

Inside, the message was simple: Please meet with me on the first day of the sunflower festival by the clock tower. It concerns your brother and the danger you are now in too. Hoya told me to say this if I needed your help: Hoya broke the blue vase.

Dulce read the message again and again and searched the paper but couldn’t make sense of it. This didn’t seem to be about her sons at all. Who was Hoya? Someone they both must have known, someone who had a secret message with Seokjin. It was curious. It made her curious. She liked to be on the knowing side of secrets. But more importantly, this woman seemed to know something about his dead brother and an implication of danger towards the Prince.

Was it about Nasimiyu’s plot? Probably not; Nasimiyu’s family had nothing to do with Seok-ho’s death. Probably there were other plots. Maybe it had to do with the missing bodyguard? Dulce was unsettled about the disappearance, even though it wasn’t any concern of hers. It wasn’t her fault if the prince got himself killed with weak security. Yes, it would lead to a failure of Nasimiyu’s plan but quite frankly, Dulce didn’t care about Nasimiyu’s plan anymore. She hated Nasimiyu. She hated the prince.

She didn’t hate the prince, she was just angry with him. For fucking Nasimiyu? No, no, yes, but no. For fighting Namjoon on her behalf. For making assumptions about her. For not seeing her through the disguise. It was all stupid. She wasn’t drunk but she didn’t want to look closer at it.

What if the brother mentioned was Taehyung, not Seok-ho?

She resealed the letter and shoved it back into her pocket, not sure whether to deliver it. Maybe if she didn’t, the prince would get killed and Nasimiyu’s plan would be ruined.

But the prince would be killed.

But he was going to get killed anyway, no matter what.

But she didn’t want to be around to see it.

She went to her room. She’d grab her things and leave and decide at the last minute whether to deliver the letter. The servants’ dorms were mostly quiet at this time of night; she had only the faintest light to work by. She dragged out her bag and packed as quietly as she could. The last thing she needed was someone waking up and asking where she was going and why. Abandoning her post would bring some of them joy but they wouldn’t want her to get away without trouble.

She needed to lift her mattress to get a few things from beneath it –nothing valuable, because that was the most obvious place to look, but things that looked sentimental, so she’d look like a normal maid if anyone did snoop. A little hedgehog, for example.

When she crouched to lift it though, she noticed a book sitting on the foot of her bed. Book four of the Kalamouche series. She knew who it was from the instant her fingers brushed the title. Who else would send her a copy of this book? She’d already read this one, but he didn’t know that because the last time it had briefly come up in the kitchen, she’d only admitted to reading two and three.

The note fell out as she opened the front cover:

I’m sorry.

Dulce felt an uncomfortable throb in her chest. I’m sorry.

For what?

When had he sent this here? It was him, she would have recognized his handwriting from the papers on his desk, he was the only one this made sense for. Even if it didn’t make sense. Was he sorry about fighting Namjoon? Or sorry for thinking she was some young, unsexed, innocent child? Or sorry for airing her affair in the middle of a courtyard for all to hear?

Or sorry to be caught in bed with her mistress, his fiance?

It couldn’t be the last one. Really it couldn’t be any of them. What did he mean, sending her this stupid book with this stupid little unsigned note? A prince had no business apologizing to a maid. A prince had no business giving a gift to a maid. How dare he? How dare he act like this and be so stupid and make her so confused and make it so difficult for her to leave?

She couldn’t leave.

She slumped against her bed and closed her eyes, the book clutched in her lap alongside the hedgehog from that day in the city. Usually it was in her pocket but she had shoved it under the mattress after they’d argued in the kitchen, as a show of her anger that no one would see but herself.

I’m sorry too, she allowed the words to form in her mind, the letter she would write if things were different. I’m sorry that I let myself get too close to you. I’m sorry that you were born into this life you don’t seem to want and that you will always be in danger for the rest of it. I’m sorry that you don’t get to wander the city and enjoy the mundane things in life the way you want to. I’m sorry that you are going to marry Nasimiyu and she will never be the woman you deserve. I’m sorry that you’re so stupid you’d fight your cousin for my honor or dignity or safety or whatever noble idea you had. I’m sorry that I am not who you think I am, I have lied to you every day I’ve been here, but I’m sorry that some truth snuck through too and you were tricked into believing that was all of me. I’m sorry that I came here to help you along to your death. I’m sorry that even though it won’t be me, someone else will do it instead, because you weren’t born with the venom and claws you need to survive.

But it won’t be me that does it.

She wished she could write a letter to Nasimiyu, too, but then it would give everything away. I’m sorry, Simi, but you are never going to be queen.

Dulce tucked the hedgehog back into her pocket, alongside the letter, alongside the other letters she had sewn into the foot of the mattress and now tugged free –the ones Seokjin had written to his betrothed. She wouldn’t read them. She didn’t want to. Instead she would sneak them back into his room tomorrow, and then she would give him the letter from the woman with the sons, and then she would find whatever it took to unequivocally expose Prince Hamisi and the Marvonese family’s treason to King Dong-gun and Prince Seokjin.

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