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ahundredtimesover · 2 years

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The Light of Dead Stars (08) | KSJ

Pairing: Seokjin x (f.) Reader; side Seokjin x (f.) OC; side Reader x Namjoon

Genre/Tags: arranged marriage, fake romance, boss/workmate aus; angst, drama, fluff, smut; slow burn

Chapter Warnings: Foul language, explicit sexual content (making out, breast play, fingering, oral (f receiving), protected penetrative sex); hurt and crying (18+)

Chapter Word count: 10.6k

A/N: Ashashsjbcseha it’s here! Finally!

Series Masterlist | Muse Moodboard | Setting Moodboard

Status: Complete

Series summary: Your unconventional arranged marriage with your company’s President, Kim Seokjin, is necessary, practical, and simple - both your families benefit, and he minds his own business and so do you. But when a slip-up causes his parents to believe that you and he are in love, you have no choice but to pretend you are, especially with the trip to France for his brother’s wedding coming up. When you get back to Seoul, things start to change, and Seokjin is faced with the most difficult decision he has to make.

You follow Jimin’s advice and continue on whatever the hell track he was talking about, and try to go about your married life normally.

You and Jin still go to work together most days, with half of the ride being spent planning on what you’ll have for dinner and the other is bickering with or teasing Yoongi.

Your husband, who’s also your boss, makes sure that there isn’t much conflict of interest, but he does send you encouraging smiles after your reports during those weekly executive committee meetings, and little thumbs up signs after product presentations.

At night, you no longer immediately go to your rooms after eating. When one has to work, the other is there. Sometimes, you both watch TV; you’ve recently gotten into variety shows and you find out that Jin has a shallow sense of humor, something he also just discovered because his life doesn’t give him much leeway to enjoy little things like that.

There are instances when you both prefer to stay in your room and neither of you minds if he falls asleep there. Jin wakes up the next morning to your snoring and goes about his morning routine in his room like normal.

With one day of his weekend now free when it used to be spent with Seri, he’s been going to Sejeong’s house - the honorary Kim siblings home - to play games with his brother-in-law and to bond with his niece and nephews.

You’ve been enjoying your time with them, too, especially Sejeong, as she constantly introduces you to luxury brands that she says you have to get used to wearing and purchasing. “It’s part of the image,” she says, and it’s one of those things that you just have to accept is part of your role as a member of this family. It somehow helps, though, as you’re able to somewhat keep up during those small conversations with celebrities in the events that Hyun-a and Taehyung invite you to.

Your favorite is weekends with your friends, though, and after the wedding, they’ve taken a liking to Jin and Yoongi, too, which is why today, you got everyone at your home to celebrate Dara’s birthday.

Jimin asked that you decorate a little, so you and Jin went to the market to buy ingredients and then shopped for some banners and party favors right after.

It’s now late in the afternoon and you’re both busy in the kitchen, preparing all the dishes for dinner. It’s all of Dara’s favorite foods - fried chicken, spicy squid, salted egg prawns, wagyu, and japchae. There’s a variety of side dishes and Mrs. Kang’s famed seaweed soup, too.

You’re in the midst of arranging the elements of the beef tacos that Jungkook annoyed you into making when your friends arrive, oohs and ahhs reverberating in the large space because it’s their first time to visit you here.

You always felt uncomfortable inviting them over since you didn’t pay a single cent in purchasing this house, but when you asked Jin for restaurant recommendations, he suggested having the party here instead. They can at least stay as long as they want and there wouldn’t be any complaints, knowing how loud they tend to get.

“Oh my god, it smells amazing,” Dara squeals, running over to you. “I can’t believe I get to have the Kim Seokjin cook me my birthday meal.”

“Yah, get over it. He’s not that good,” you tease, earning you a little playful nudge from your husband.

“Uh, I don’t know about his skills but he looks good,” she says, ogling him in his fitted jeans and white deep scoop shirt.

You finally notice Jin’s outfit and visibly swallow at the sight of his sternum with how unusually low his shirt is. His collarbones are basically popping out with the thin material, showing a bit of his pecs as well. Has he been working out?

“Why are you naked?” You frown at him, and he laughs because he knows what you mean.

He’s one who tends to cover his chest because he gets shy about it so whenever he wears something like this, given that you’re now used to seeing him in casual clothing, seeing him be a little more “daring” by his standards is surprising. And something that’s also, oddly enough, making your heart race.

“Figured it’ll be hot since we’re cooking a lot,” he shrugs. “I can change after we finish here.”

“No!” You say too quickly, earning you an arch of his eyebrow. “I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. It was just a question.” Although deep inside, you’re freaking out because you definitely do not want him to change into anything else.

“Okay,” he says nonchalantly.

He proceeds to check on how the sauce for the spicy squid is going while you heat the flour tortillas when Jungkook walks over to you, eyes widening at the half-bitten taco that you were tasting a while ago.

“___, can I have that?” He points to it, and you nod your approval. He opens his mouth, gesturing for you to feed him, but you only frown in response.

“Yah, are you a child? Feed yourself!”

It’s at the same time when Jin asks you if it’s good that you put the beef, the kimchi, and the sriracha mayo in a spoon and feed him to taste.

“Ah, perfect,” Jin hums. “I’d be satisfied with just that.”

You smile sweetly while your best friend frowns and turns to Jimin and Dara, who have fixed the drinks and desserts on the dining table and are now seated on the kitchen bar stools.

“Did you see that?!” Jungkook gasps. “She’s literally been feeding me ever since we were kids and now she just rejects me but not her husband?”

He turns to you dramatically. “___, married life changed you!”

“I’m gonna kick your dramatic ass, Kook,” you groan. “You literally have hands. Go get it and feed yourself.”

“Jin has hands, too!” He yells.

“Aish,” you say, threatening to flick his forehead when he relents and picks up the taco and eats the entire half.

“How does it taste?” You ask.

“Like betrayal.”

You make him a face while Jin laughs next to you. You both continue with the main dishes while Jimin assembles the tacos and Jungkook serves everyone drinks.

Yoongi arrives and immediately gets in the groove with your friends, eating and sipping his beer. They all talk and laugh at the kitchen counter and watch you and Jin work around like a well-oiled machine, with the occasional teasing and feeding and arm-smacking and sweat-wiping.

Dara turns her stool to face away from you and beckons the others to make a circle with her.

“That’s not them faking, right? I mean, they know they shouldn’t be faking around us,” she remarks. “Why are they… like that?”

Jimin snorts. “Duh, isn’t it obvious? If they’re not such idiots who can’t see what’s in front of them, they shouldn’t be faking at all. Look at ___! When was the last time she was that comfortable and happy around a man who isn’t me and Kook? Was she even like that with Namjoon?”

“Nah. She was always giddy and starstruck with Joon,” Dara answers. “Yoongs, when did those 2 start becoming like that?”

“Uh, I don’t really remember,” Yoongi shrugs. “But they’re more affectionate even just in the car or in the office; maybe they’re more comfortable since Seri’s not there anymore,” he shares. “They go out more, though, like dinners and movies. I see it in their shared calendar.”

“Why do they calendar those things?” Jungkook asks.

“So I don’t schedule meetings and trips.”

“Making sure they don’t get disturbed, I see,” Dara hums. “I sense a shift. Do they maybe like each other but are too stupid to admit it?”

Yoongi chokes on his drink but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know about you, although he’s noticed you being a tad bit more comfortable physically than what he’s used to seeing.

His boss is a different story, though. Jin talks about you a lot. There’s the affectionate teasing, the admiration for your work ethic, the bits of information he’s learning about you as you spend more time at home together, and the occasional comment about how pretty or adorable you look. Yoongi rarely heard Jin talk about Seri in that way, and for all his neutrality about that relationship, he kind of feels a little bad for Seri who clearly was into Jin.

As the older man’s decade-long colleague and friend, Yoongi can tell that Jin was mostly passive about what he had with Seri, taking only the convenient and pleasurable parts about being with someone who didn’t demand anything more. Perhaps it’s being with you that’s making him realize what a relationship means and entails this time around, seeing as how his first and only one was over a decade ago, and he’s grown up a lot since then.

“I don't know about Jin but ___ doesn’t feel the need to know, you know?” Jimin responds. “I mean, she’s been adamant about not wanting to get into relationships even if she’s literally married.”

“Ah, well you know she never believed this marriage had the potential to be a romantic relationship,” Jungkook says. “She’s been hurt so many times and hung onto the one person who showed her the kind of love she needed then. I just feel like that stopped being what she needed, you know? People grow up, time passes, our needs and desires change. She’s not who she was before,” he continues, having experienced all versions of you in the 2 decades you’ve been best friends. “And I’ve been trying to knock some sense into her that if she just let her love for Namjoon - which may have very well faded - go, then maybe she could see the potential of this one.”

He looks at you fondly as you happily plate the dishes while Jin takes photos, and your best friend wants nothing more than for you to see that more than one person can love you. And that letting go of someone you once loved doesn’t diminish what you felt for them; it just means you’re choosing yourself this time, something that your friends and family and even Namjoon constantly remind you to do.

“Yah, who are you gossiping about?” You call your friends out.

“No one. Just deciding on what to sing for karaoke later,” Dara sweetly smiles.

She has that look and you know she’s lying but you don’t prod. You have a feeling you don’t wanna know about it right now.

You motion everyone to help you and Jin in setting up the table with the food, and dinner follows right after. Amidst the moans of how good the dishes are, are the laughter and constant clinks of glasses.

You, Jin, and Yoongi hold your liquor the best, as evidenced by all 3 of you being the only ones who have not tripped nor spilled any juicy details. Yoongi, specifically, keeps a straight face when Dara admits how big her crush is on him and you all laugh because it was pretty obvious from the very beginning.

Karaoke starts soon after with everyone pretty much tipsy or drunk enough to sing at least 1 song. Yoongi, surprisingly, sings a mellow song while Jin goes a bit upbeat. You and Jimin do a duet and Jungkook and Dara hold the mic most of the time. It’s a fun evening, as you all munch on dried squid and fish jerky while pretty much inhaling the beer, soju, and whiskey that’s all out for everyone to enjoy.

You and Jin make the call of having all of them sleep over, with Yoongi in one guest room, Jimin and Jungkook in another, and Dara in yours.

You’ve cleaned her up and she’s a bit more sober when she cuddles next to you, her slender limbs wrapped around your body.

“Thank you for tonight, ___,” she whispers.

“Ah, it was all I could give. I’m glad you enjoyed it,” you smile at her.

“Yah, don’t downplay the amazing dinner you made and the pretty necklace you got me,” she playfully pinches your arm. “But you know the best gift? Your smile, ___. It’s different. I love it.”

“Hey, I smile a lot. You 3 are all I need. You give me a headache but I smile more,” you pout at her.

“I know, but this time, it took just one person to make you smile that way,” she says. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and Jin but I like it. I hope he doesn’t go away. I hope you don’t go away, too.”

Managing everyone the day after the dinner party was quite the feat, as they all wanted different things for lunch on top of the hangover soup that Jin made. But you both managed and got everyone out by the afternoon in time for dinner with his family.

It’s gotten fairly easier to “fake” it, as Taehyung himself noted that he’d forget sometimes that you and your husband aren’t actually in love.

You tried not to let it get to you or let it mean much, especially with Jin being way less somber than you expected ever since he got back from Japan, which was over 2 months ago.

He’s been more playful, constantly pinching your cheeks and nose and teasing you more openly. He’s been quite clingy, too - knocking on your door some evenings and lounging on your bed until you fall asleep, hanging out in your office when he doesn’t have a lunch meeting, and asking you to have dinner out when he’s too tired to cook at home.

He’s also been more affectionate and touchy - automatically holding your hand whenever you’re out on a business or social event, pulling you by the waist when speaking with guests and affiliates, sitting close to you when you’re both out with your friends, and the one you’ve been most surprised with - hugging you when he gets home during the times when he has to stay back in the office to meet with his father and manage pressing issues.

There’s that scandal that the head of one of their subsidiary companies is facing, and then the bribery allegations against the spouse of one of their board members, thus dragging the Kim Foods Inc. name in the mix. It’s a lot of stakeholder and PR management that Jin, Taehyung, Sejeong, and their parents need to be on top of, and it’s usually late in the evening when they all have time to discuss these matters.

It’s Monday when Jin comes home, groaning in frustration as he ends a call with his secretary. You’re seated on the living room couch, waiting for him. You didn’t hear from him all day and Yoongi said that your husband was busy and only got to eat in the car while he was going from one meeting to another. You wanted to know when he got back so he could rant or talk to you if he wanted, or make him tea if that’s what he needs.

“Hey,” you say, calling his attention as he nears the stairs. “How bad was it today?”

“Not as terrible as last week but I haven’t gotten over that yet so I’m still hungover,” he laments, sitting next to you and lolling his head back. “I also have to fly to Singapore tomorrow to personally inform one of our distributors that we’re terminating the contract because they’re in some deep shit and we can’t afford to get dragged into their mess, too.”

You can only look at him with sympathy. There’s always been so much weight he has to carry as the eldest of the family and the President of the company - he needs to protect their name and what they’ve built, their people, and their reputation. You’ve seen him decisively make decisions, call out incompetence and mediocre outputs, be detail-oriented and excellent in his own tasks, and still carry himself with so much poise and confidence every time, whether he’s in the office, speaking during press conferences, meeting with VIPs, or just engaging with staff.

He’s got so much on his plate and you admire him for all that he does, all while healing from a broken heart and being in an arranged marriage that he probably doesn't get enough comfort from.

“I’m sorry everything is happening all at once,” you say. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I just need to rant. Can you listen?” He turns to you.

“Of course,” you smile, and that’s what you do.

This is the most frustrated you’ve heard him. The legal and PR teams are doing their best before the company’s name gets tainted because of who they’re associated with, and last week was truly the most stressful of it all. Jin is only able to fully process it now, as the issues are stabilizing and they’re able to slowly move away from it without much fanfare, and so all the emotions and frustrations are being bared right now.

There’s the culprits, then the board members who are taking sides, then his father who’s being too hard on him, and Jin who’s also being too hard on himself.

He massages his temple as he lets out a long breath.

“None of it is your fault, you know?” You try to comfort him. “These things happen, that’s why you have risk assessments and risk management plans in place; it’s why you have teams who are paid to handle them so the company won’t lose too much, why you have people to do the other work for you while you’re trying to get things under control. But it’s not all on you, Jin. You have your family who are just as invested and have as much stake in this as you. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s gonna give you wrinkles.”

He chuckles at that. “Is that why I have you, too? To remind me of all this and to make me laugh when I need it?”

“Yes,” you wink, proud that you’re able to listen and make him smile. “I’m also here to give you a head massage because it looks like you need it.”

“That would actually be great.”

He lays his head on your lap at your invitation, feeling comfortable with the throw blanket on it. He closes his eyes immediately once he feels your soft fingers rub his temples in circular motions, caressing his forehead down to his nose bridge. He moans quietly as he feels the hairs on his arm stand up at the sensation. There’s enough pressure yet you’re still so gentle, and he loves how your skin feels against his, even if it’s just like this.

To keep his bangs from falling on his forehead while you continue your motions, your free hand combs his hair away, leading you to lightly scratch his scalp. He releases a satisfied smile at the action that tells you he likes that, too.

“That’s so fucking relaxing,” he moans again.

“I can get you a head massager, you know? That’s an amazing invention,” you giggle.

“No, I like this better,” he mumbles.

You smile at his compliment and continue on, scratching his scalp and massaging his head. You take the time to appreciate him looking more at ease, as if little by little, you’re able to help rid him of the stress that he carries every day.

He looks peaceful, with his rolled up polo sleeves and loosened tie, with his slightly parted mouth and steadied breathing, like for this moment, he can actually breathe. And you realize at this instance that you want to be able to make him feel this way - like he can be honest and vulnerable and free, like he can laugh and smile and be relaxed, like he can be comforted and at ease with you all at once.

Somehow, he’s most beautiful like this.

You savor his look one last time before you lightly pinch his cheeks and whisper for him to wake up. He has an early flight tomorrow so he’ll need proper rest. He opens his eyes and smiles tenderly at you.

“Thank you,” he mumbles.

You change your mind. He’s most beautiful this way.

Jin leaves early the next morning and decides to meet with a potential distributor while he’s there. He departs late at night, arrives in Seoul the next day, then heads straight to work with barely any rest. Upon hearing this, you go to him late in the afternoon and order him to go home.

Seeing you worried and upset, he relents, not wanting to stress you out as well. Maybe he can just sneak in some work while he’s in his room, he thinks, but you surprise him by saying that you’re going with him to make sure that he doesn’t do any more things that can wait until tomorrow. Much as he wants to disobey you, deep inside, he doesn’t want to. If you want to stay with him, all the better for him.

He missed you last week, given that he spent more time in the office than at home and missed all evenings of having dinner with you. It’s only the middle of the week yet he already feels like he hasn’t seen you enough, and that short moment from 2 nights ago when you massaged his head reminded him of just how much he craves your touch.

He’s been more bold and daring in showing his affection, something he debated for a while because he didn’t want to scare you. He’s not typically that way, and you know that, but something about your warmth and comfort makes him want to hold onto you, to feel you in any way, to savor what little bit of intimacy you’ll allow him to have with you.

Because ever since France, it’s all he could think about. And he’s been slowly closing the gap through lingering touches, close contact, and recently, longer hugs. They all seem so simple but they mean a great deal to him because even with the relationship he had with Seri, Jin has never had someone this close - close enough to see him at his most frustrated, most stressed, most vulnerable, most helpless, most imperfect, and his willingness and desire to bare it all to you told him just how much he wants you in more ways than that.

Love had become tainted for him ever since his ex-girlfriend left him. There was this hole she left that remained open, and he’d accepted that it was never meant to be filled by anything nor anyone because when love hurts you, it hurts real bad, and it takes away your belief and trust in it. Those who came after her couldn’t even get near the door, and he wasn’t willing to open it the slightest for anyone, even Seri.

She was a lot of things, but she wasn’t love, he realized; at least in the way he hoped. She was care and comfort and pleasure and exhilaration; she was company, the breaks in between the tiring and stressful moments, but she wasn’t love. He kept her at a distance for a reason, he realized during that trip to Japan over 2 months ago, and that was because he didn’t want that hole in his heart to be covered, to be replaced. He realized that he wanted something else, something permanent.

He wanted nurturing and something comfortable in the midst of the hardships; he wanted softness and warmth at the end of the pleasure and exhilaration; he wanted companionship, partnership, a sense of freedom from all the things that bind him at work and his family. He didn’t just want moments, he wanted something that lingered, that stayed with him, that he remembers and looks forward to, that he craves and longs for, and as he tried to ground himself and his feelings during that trip, all he thought of was you, and how everything he wanted, he found in you.

Jin has been careful, but sometimes he can’t help it - intertwining his fingers with yours, pulling you close, savoring your sleepy eyes and pouty mouth before you fall into slumber. What he can’t help the most is yearning for you, as the desire for more intensifies everyday, whether he’s with you or not, all he wants is you.

It’s Friday when he caps off another tiring week. Things are looking up this time, as Sejeong had taken much of the lead in handling all the concerns this time. She’s amazing at it, too, and he’s just thankful that he could at least savor the last day of the week, knowing he’ll be coming home to you.

He drags his feet up the foyer stairs and his lips turn up at the sight of you in your sleepwear, seated on the bar stool while watching something on your tablet.

You hear his footsteps and immediately turn around, your arms open for him to fall into like you think he needs. The bags under his eyes and his pouty lips tell you how tired he is, but his face softens once he sees you ready to give him what he yearns for more than anything else.

His head finds purchase in the crook of your neck while his hands wrap around your waist immediately.

“Another tough day, huh?” You ask, your arms wrapping around his broad shoulders.

“Uh-huh,” he hums, tightening his grip around you as he falls deeper in your embrace.

You both stay there, feeling each other’s heartbeats, feeding off each other’s warmth, letting yourselves get lost in the feel of each other’s bodies as you breathe and try to get as close as possible. It’s comfort he needs, and it’s comfort you’ll give him.

He buries himself further in your hold, and the heat of his breath on your skin is electrifying. It’s right when you come to your senses that you realize he’s standing in between your legs, his body pressed against yours, the thin material of your pajamas letting you feel all that muscle underneath his clothes.

You can feel his heavy breathing, and you mindlessly yet affectionately massage his back, then his scalp, lightly pulling the ends of his hair as your breathing matches the pace of his.

He moans immediately, and it’s different from the other night when he felt relaxed. This sounded more, like he wanted more. He whispers your name, his plump lips gently pressing against your neck. You don’t pull away, instead, you moan in return.

“Jin,” you pant, your eyes closed now and your heartbeat quickening. Your mind feels hazy, floating, as his lips travel to your neck, then your jaw, soft kisses being planted as he makes his way up until he’s facing you now.

With hooded eyes, he glances at your mouth and you do the same with his. The tension is thick and heavy but it’s welcomed, and it’s something you’ve never felt with him before. Perhaps it’s built up gradually over the past weeks, as the distance between both of you slowly diminished, as the affection became more natural, comfortable, something you’d started to look for.

You know you mirror the desire in his eyes. And so caressing your cheek, he presses a gentle kiss on your lips. Then another one. Then another one.

You return each of them, and when the fourth one lingers, you stop him from pulling away. You’re holding onto his collar now, keeping him in place as you deepen the kiss, and this becomes his cue to seek entrance, something that you grant.

The feel of his tongue entangled with yours is intoxicating, as Jin has a way of just drawing you in and hypnotizing you with everything - his woody and masculine scent, his slender fingers stroking your skin, his taut torso against your body, his expert mouth taking you in and devouring you, softly at first and then passionately not long after.

Your joint moans gradually fill the large space as you take in each other. He starts grinding against you, and once you feel the friction from his movements on your pelvis, the wetness in your cunt starts to pool.

Pulling away from your mouth, his lips map out your jaw and your neck again before he faces you once more.

“Come to bed with me,” he mutters, his eyes pleading for you to grant his wish.

Your body is unable to say no. He’s pulled you in and let you feel what he can give and you want more.

“My room,” you respond, giving him a nod that’s an agreement to everything else, and the nod he returns tells you that he understood what you meant.

He moves away and takes your hand, leading the way up the stairs and into your bedroom where he pulls you flushed against his chest once the door closes, your mouths back to attacking each other.

His hands move underneath your top on your sides, caressing your torso and teasing you by gliding his fingers against the bottom of your breasts.

You’re loosening his tie now, expertly untying and getting rid of it, then proceeding to unbutton his polo and aggressively pulling it off him. Your hands map out his neck, long and smooth, like a canvas to mark later on. Your fingers trace his collarbones, and then travel down his firm pecs and abs, all the while your lips unwilling to separate from his.

He groans when you palm his crotch, hard and wanting, and you feel like you’ll run out of breath with how he sucks it all from you.

“Please,” he whines, pulling away now but leaning his forehead against yours. His breathing is hard, and you can feel just how much his own body is aching for more.

You sit on your bed, some feet away from the headboard. “Come to me, then.”

He removes his slacks and goes over to you, one arm wrapping around your middle to pull you up and lie you down. He kisses you again while he fumbles to remove your top, and your breath hitches once you feel his wet muscle swirling around your pert nipple.

“Fuck, Jin,” you moan loudly. It’s been so damn long since you had anybody do you like this.

He merely hums against your skin, swallowing your breasts as if they won’t be there in the morning, then he travels down your torso, kissing his way until he meets the waistband of your shorts.

Looking up at you half-bare underneath him, he smirks. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous.”

“Really, now?“ you arch your eyebrow. “Not too plain? No need for some work done?” You ask, recalling what the tabloids and social media comments said about you.

“Not at all,” he growls, pulling your shorts and underwear off, leaving you completely naked for him. “Gorgeous,” he repeats, as he spreads your legs and licks a strip from your hole to your throbbing clit. “And taste so good.”

You’re literally left breathless, as he gently sucks and licks your nub. You’re heaving, unable to make any clear sound with how much you’re panting. It’s all too much, but your body is alight with pleasure that continues to ache for him, as if something triggered this need for him inside of you that needs to be appeased, that needs to be satisfied.

“Jin, please,” you whine now, as you start to need more than just this.

“Do you have a condom here?” He looks up at you while his fingers play with your clit this time.

“No,” you pant, head lolling back at the euphoric feel of his movements. “Didn’t really think I’d be doing this with you.”

He chuckles, but gets back to work as he feels your thighs start to shake. He moves to the side so he can continue to ram his fingers inside you while he kisses your mouth, wanting to swallow your moan once he gives you your first orgasm, and he does.

“Hmm,” he hums, and you feel him smile against your lips. “Let me get some in my room.”

You nod as you come down from your high, with half a mind to process what just happened and what’s about to, especially as you watch him lick your slick off his fingers and smirk before he heads out the door.

But you don’t want to think too much. Your mind and your body just want to focus on him. He feels so good - on top of you, against you… you already know he’ll feel so good inside you, too.

He comes back in seconds with a box that he throws on the floor, keeping one foil packet lodged between his fingertips. He removes his boxers and you swear you’ve never seen dick that looks that good. Even that part of him is handsome, seriously.

He starts to touch himself, and that’s when you absolutely lose it. Long but built limbs and torso, delicate chest, and his neck that’s so glorious and looks absolutely delicious with his Adam’s apple protruding like that. And then his sexy hands stroking his gorgeous cock that’s gonna be inside you soon.

Everything is hazier now, like you’re in a dream that feels too good to be true. He puts the latex sheath on and climbs on the bed to hover over you, spreading your slick around before he teases your entrance.

You’re enamored, hypnotized, so you pull him and crash your lips against his, with no intention of stopping or slowing down. He slowly enters you, pulls back, then rams into you, causing you to moan so loud and accidentally biting his lip.

But he doesn’t seem to mind. He just thrusts harder, deeper, especially as you pull on his hair and support yourself with one hand on his shoulder - wide and smooth and absolutely glorious.

“Shit, you feel so good,” he mewls, dragging his cock inside you before he follows a steady pace this time.

“You, too,” you moan again. “Everything about you is attractive, what the fuck!”

He chuckles at your unfiltered state. “That’s great to know. Come for me again, yeah? And I want you to clench around me. You’ll probably like it when I come, too.”

“Fuck, that’s hot.”

He’s gorgeous and he knows it, but you follow. He sucks on that sensitive part of your neck, his grunts urging you on and that’s when you come, lost in the ecstasy that you almost don’t notice it.

You want to pleasure him just the same, so you clench around him and play with his nipples to add to his pleasure. His breathing gets harder, his sounds get louder, and you feel his thrusts get sloppy until he’s shaking and moaning wildly as he comes, something you didn’t expect to hear from him.

“Shit, ___. You feel so good around me,” he grunts.

You merely hum in response, on a high yourself as the way he’d attacked your pussy was so overwhelmingly out of this world. It was the way he made sure you felt good; it was the gentleness of his kisses and caresses but the intentional way that he pleasured you all over.

He gets on his knees and lolls his head back, exposing his neck again that you just want to lick and kiss and leave marks all over. He bites his lip as he holds your thighs, eyes still closed and just savoring how it feels. He’s coming down from his high and he’s right, he’s fucking gorgeous when he comes, especially after he does.

He releases himself from you, smiling softly and kissing your nose, then he removes the condom. He walks back to your bathroom and comes out with a wet washcloth and wipes your mess, making sure that he doesn’t miss a spot, and all you’re able to do is watch him in awe as he continues to be gentle even in handling you post-sex.

You see the sweat on his chest and forehead comment that he should take a shower.

“Come back to me?” You ask, letting him know that it’s okay, as he seems unsure about it.

He nods and leaves the room, then returns not long after with damp hair and smelling fresh in his Balenciaga boxers. Fuck, he looks hot like this, too.

Settling on his side of the bed, he pulls you close and you look at him with questioning eyes.

You’d spent the minutes alone trying to calm yourself down, wondering where you both go from here. It’s not that you weren’t expecting it, but perhaps the way you’d both continued on that track paved the way for this.

You hadn’t planned it, nor did you make it your goal to be intimate with him like this, but you’d returned his actions - kissed him back and kissed him some more; you asked for him and gave in return; you let him fill a need you hadn’t realized you had and had done the same for him.

“What does this mean?” You ask him, wanting to make sure that you’re on the same page again.

“What do you want it to mean?” He counters, ready for whatever your answer is.

Obviously, he wants it to mean more; he wants to do it again and again, too. You felt so good in all ways, and he could only hope that your return of his advances meant that you want the same thing as he does. But during his shower, he pep talked himself into just accepting whatever it is you want.

“I don’t want to overthink it, but I don’t want to just sweep it under the rug, either,” you respond. “You’re stressed and I’m here for comfort but I really liked it and I want to do it again. It was great and you made me feel good and safe. I just… I don’t want to stress about it too much.”

Your eyes lock with his and you’re trying to say what you can’t in words and you just have a feeling he gets it, as he nods.

“Let’s just see where all this would go and figure out what we both feel. Is that okay?“ you propose, not wanting to push him away.

“It’s fine with me,” he sighs in relief. It’s not ideal but it’s way better than the worst he thought about, which is you, thinking it was a mistake. “But I can hug and kiss you whenever? It’s quite comforting.”

“You may,” you reply, kissing him deeply until you’re wrapping your legs around his waist and his hand grips your thigh.

It is comforting, and you think that maybe doing it can clarify things for you, especially when it comes to what you feel. But of course, there’s also the fact that he’d just given you mind-blowing orgasms and you may want to have those again.

“We may even go another round if you’re not too tired,” you tease.

“I’m so damn exhausted but not for this,” he moans, as he removes your clothes again. “I’ll maybe fuck you into the next day.”

And that’s exactly what he does.

You wake up the next morning feeling sore and exhausted, but it’s the good and welcomed kind. You don’t remember feeling this satisfied after sex since you haven’t had someone touch you the way Jin did in a long time.

You and Namjoon merely cuddled, since you were both in a weird spot for years and neither one of you wanted to go there if it wasn’t something you could do regularly. You did hook up with someone 2 years ago - a friend of Dara’s who was kind and decent, but it was a one-time thing and it’s not like sex was something you looked for. You had your own ways of pleasuring yourself and those had always been enough.

But Jin was pretty amazing. You didn’t know what to focus on - the way he was ramming into you and pleasuring you, or on the way he looked because seriously, that man is gorgeous whether he’s naked or dressed in a potato sack.

He made you feel good, not just in terms of the sex but also about yourself. He let you know that you deserved to feel that kind of pleasure, that he wasn’t waiting for anything in return even if you did ask to have him in your mouth. He was gentle more than anything, especially during that second round. He wanted it to last but he wanted you to feel everything, too. He made you felt safe and wanted and cared for, and that’s something you never felt in all the times you had sex with your previous partners or hookups.

Perhaps it gets better with age, or maybe Jin is just that guy who’s literally good at everything, but either way, you thoroughly enjoyed it. It doesn’t mean you want all this, though, at least right away. You agreed to more affection because it seems natural; it also seems like he needs it and quite frankly, so do you. Work has been tough and coming home to good food and a warm embrace and maybe even a kiss on the lips after a long, tiring day sounds just about right.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” His gruff voice pulls you out of your thoughts.

You’re much closer than you usually are when you sleep next to each other. You’re also both naked, limbs entangled underneath the warm sheets.

“About last night,” you say, shifting to face him.

��Do you regret it?” He asks nervously.

“Of course not,” you reply. “Kinda just can’t help thinking about it since my thighs are sore. All the years of rejecting Kook to go to the gym or for a run are catching up to me.”

Jin merely smiles, just savoring you close and natural like this. “I don’t regret it, either. But same, I’m pretty sore. I haven’t done this in so long, too.”

You don’t prod and only smile back. He did mention in France that he and Seri haven’t done much in a while. It’s his sex life and you never dared ask about it, and even with this development in your relationship, you don’t intend to.

“But we’re good?” He asks. “Did, uh, did anything change for you?”

He hopes that you’re not taken aback by his question, but he wants to know if there’s any change from last night, if there were feelings all along that you suddenly realize are there and want to act on, or if after waking up next to him and maybe liking how it feels, you’ll want more, be ready to be more, maybe take this whole marriage thing seriously this time.

“We’re good, and no, not really. I mean, I don’t want us to feel rushed or pressured just because we had sex,” you reason. “But all I can think about right now is that you’re seriously so hot and I don’t feel weird saying that to you even with your morning wood poking my thigh,” you chuckle, and he groans in embarrassment but pinches your cheeks because you really have to tease and annoy him this early in the morning.

“But uh, I know you asked me what I wanted it to mean but what about you?” You wonder.

He wants to be honest, but there’s a look of uncertainty and even nervousness in your eyes.

You’ve talked about Namjoon openly, about the special connection you have with the man and even if you claim that 5 years is a long time to wait for someone, Jin knows deep inside that you still are - waiting, wondering, and maybe even hoping.

Even as your husband, he feels it’s not his place to ask you to want him back because he knew what he was getting himself into, and he fears that doing so will just push you away, especially if you’re yearning for someone else. Jin knows what not having closure is like; he didn’t really get it from his ex-girlfriend, and that’s what kept him from moving forward for years.

And so he chooses to follow your pace, thinking that waiting for you to develop feelings for him would be the better option than laying it all out to you right away, especially when he’s unsure of how you feel, and when you’re still waiting on someone else. Jin can’t take an outright rejection right now, or have you be unsure, or even have you leave him because of closure you never got; that, he’s sure of.

“Well, it means that I’m comfortable with this, with whatever we are and whatever we can be,” he responds, trying to give you a genuine smile. “It’s been nice spending more time with you. You’ve helped me a lot, especially these past few weeks with all the stress and last night, it just felt right to do that with you. And I agree, let’s see where things go, figure things out from here.”

“It’s been nice spending time with you, too,” you smile. “Like, I know France was fake romance period for us but it was fun getting to know you that way. You’re as perfect and as imperfect as I expected.”

“Hmm, I don’t know if that’s a compliment but thanks?” He chuckles.

“It means you’re a lot of great things but also still human,” you explain. “You make me feel giddy sometimes but you also annoy me shitless. We have a pretty good dynamic and honestly, that’s all I could ever want. Less drama and all. I don’t really know how to deal with all that, you know? I just want something simple and contrary to how everything started, I think that’s what we are.”

Jin agrees for the most part. It was simple at the beginning because there were clear limits and boundaries of what you were and weren’t. He had plans before and after you, and so did you. Until of course, France happened and changed everything for him; he crossed the line and couldn’t help from falling even more. And every time he thinks about baring his heart to you, a part of him gets scared of what will happen after.

Seeing you smile softly at him and pinch his cheeks out of affection are all he needs to just hold onto his feelings for a little longer. He just hopes at some point, you’ll start to feel something, too.

You decided to stay in that Saturday to watch movies and have all your cravings delivered. Jin had to go to his parents’ house to do work stuff and he didn’t want to bother you, and he’d gone home with you fast asleep so he slept in his room instead. He missed you right away but he knows that one night of sex doesn’t automatically mean another one right after.

He woke up the next day to you making him gourmet breakfast, though. You watched a cooking show the night before and wanted to try it so you made it for both of you, knowing he spent the whole of Saturday working.

That Sunday, you went to the park in the afternoon and met up with your friends for dinner. You didn’t tell them what happened last Friday night, not wanting to sex and tell, although you know that Dara would freak out when you finally open up about it.

All was normal, of course, except Jin’s hand that was perpetually on your waist and yours that somehow always ended up on his thigh. You didn’t miss the knowing looks of your best friends, though, and you were sort of glad that Yoongi wasn’t there to add to their subtle teasing.

Later that night, you and Jin got a bit handsy in the car and ended up making out and cuddling and then falling asleep in your bed.

You woke up the next morning panicking because you both slept through your alarm, and then spent the whole car ride arguing on whose fault it was. But as always, it ended with you laughing your butts off as you walked into your office building, with some staff looking a bit surprised at their President’s casual and lighthearted demeanor that they rarely saw on him before, especially on a Monday morning after everything that’s happened.

It was still a busy week. You and Jin met up with the vegan vlogger who flew from the US and drafted plans for the collaboration, splitting time with your department and Marketing for a sound project proposal.

This was always the exciting part for Jin, he’d told you - being exposed to different kinds of food preparation techniques and finding ways to make delicious dishes accessible to the general public.

You don’t have sex again, given the late nights and troubleshooting you had to do with one of your products that’s launching in a few months. You came home late on Thursday to a dinner spread, though, and Jin pulled you into his lap for a long hug before letting you go and resting for an early flight to Jeju for an event the next day.

It’s now Saturday, and you’re in an events place in Gangnam for a fellowship dinner with some of Jin’s parents’ affiliates and close friends.

Your husband has been generous with compliments all night about your classic black jumpsuit and gold heels outfit, and you don’t deny the fluttering of your heart with how his compliments are making you feel. He obviously looks stunning in his textured beige ensemble.

There’s no faking with the way you’re holding hands and clinging to each other as this time, you actually want to hold his hand, you want him to hold you close and tell the other patrons how well you’re doing at work, given that Jin knows your tendency to get a little intimidated during events like this.

This is you, staying on track, you think, as you just let the affection do the talking, as if you’re just letting nature take its course and you’re enjoying the ride - of figuring out what you feel, what you want from him, and what you’re willing to give and receive.

You’re enjoying tonight. You’re in the middle of chatting it up with one of the Kims’ oldest family friends, your hand clinging onto Jin’s arm, when you get a text from your brother.

Is Wong Seri the name of Jin’s ex-girl? The message reads. Is this her? Another message follows, a group photo this time with her at the center.

Yeah, why? You reply, suddenly feeling uneasy at how your brother could possibly cross paths with her.

Right, you did say she resigned, he says. She’s the new associate at our Seoul office, I saw her CV and her past employment. Small world; I didn’t think she was in creatives.

Seoul office. Jin had mentioned that she went home to Ulsan for her parents.

When did she start?

A few weeks ago. Why?

Fuck, you say, suddenly feeling like it’s hard to breathe.

Hoseok asks why again and you’re too stunned to answer, trying to come up with different scenarios.

Maybe she came back here after a month or so after caring for her parents. Maybe Jin didn’t know.

Your phone ringing startles you, and you let go of Jin and rush out the building to pick up the call and get some air.

“Hey, you stopped replying. Tell me you just got busy,” your brother says.

“If she started a few weeks ago, then that means she applied like a month or so before that, right?” You ask.

“Hmm, well, you know how it is at work. Weeks of application process and then onboarding and then you start. It takes a while,” he explains. “She probably applied, like, 2 - 3 months ago.”

You take a deep breath. That’s around the time they broke up. There’s got to be a reason, right? Jin didn’t know, you convince yourself. Jin didn’t know.

“Why, what’s going on?” Hoseok presses.

“I… I, uh, I’ll get back to—”

“___?” You hear your husband call out. “I was looking for you. Is everything okay?”

You try to put up an expressionless face and turn to him.

“Yeah, it was just my brother,” you say. “Checking up on me and asking about Seri. You said she resigned so she could take care of her parents in Ulsan, right? That’s over 4 hours away by train.”

“Uh, yeah,” Jin nods, unsure why you suddenly bring her up. “Her parents are quite old and she always talked about going back home to take care of them after she’s saved up.”

“Hoseok said she’s working in the Seoul office of their company, though. How is that possible?”

You see Jin’s face falter a bit, and you know that’s not a curious or confused look on his face. That’s a look of someone who’d just been caught, and you hate how your heart breaks, how it begs for all this not to mean what you think it does.

“Oh, oh is she?” He asks, biting his lip and briefly looking away.

“Don’t bullshit me, Jin. It’s either you didn’t know she was here the whole time or you knew exactly why she resigned and that she’s been here all along and you lied about it, for whatever fucked up reason, I don’t know,” you scowl. “So fucking tell me the truth.”

Jin at least knows it’ll only get worse if he continues with the lie, so he gives in and tells you the truth.

“She didn’t resign because of her parents,” he sighs, knowing that everything is just about to fall apart. “And I knew she’s been applying to other companies in Seoul and—”

“You’re a liar,” you say bitterly.

“Look, I couldn’t tell you because—”

“You’re still a liar. I asked you that day and you didn’t tell me the truth.”

Your eyes are glassy now, and you blink away the tears that have pooled, turning when he tries to wipe them away.

Jin is about to say something when a couple of people walk by, and you take this opportunity to turn around and walk towards the street to hail a cab, uncaring of the question he’d left unanswered.

“___, where are you going! Hey!”

You walk further up the street, arm still up and cursing at your terrible luck that of all the nights you need a taxi, no one’s stopping for you right now.

Jin is cursing internally, too, even more when he picks up the phone and Yoongi asks where he is because his parents are looking for him.

“___ knows about Seri being in Seoul. She knows I lied. I fucked up. She’s leaving now. I can’t fucking lose her.”

“Then go after her!” He orders.

“I need the car, shit, can you—”

“Take a cab, you idiot. Don’t waste any more time.”

Jin drops the call and starts running, desperately calling a cab himself and waving a stack of cash to attract drivers. It works and he orders the driver to follow the car you just got into, and he spends the ride trying to figure out what to say to you and how to not make you want to leave him.

Things were going well. He felt like you were both on the way to something more. And he didn’t think that it’s this little detail, this little lie that he didn’t think much of, despite Yoongi’s insistence, that would ruin everything.

The way you looked hurt and defeated at the realization that he lied about the truth of her resignation is now ingrained in his head. He wishes it’s something he can easily forget.

He asks the driver to floor it, as Jin figures out now that you’re on the way to your house. He makes it there just a minute or so after you, running up the foyer steps and catching you on the way to your room.

“___, I’m sorry, you have to listen to me,” he begs, pulling your wrist and he gets even more angry at himself when you wince at the contact. “You looked so worried that she resigned because of you and I couldn’t let you carry that baggage and—”

“Oh, so it was because you were trying to protect me, that’s why you lied?” You scoff. “Don’t fucking play with me, Jin! I asked you why she resigned, you said it was because of her parents when you knew this whole time that it wasn’t, and that she’d been applying around the city. I don’t care if you still wanted to see her but don’t make me stupid. Don’t make me a fucking fool. Don’t hit it up with me when you’re still hung over her.” You’re seething, as your eyes burn a hole right through him. “Was Japan a cover? Did you even go there? Was she there? Have you been seeing her behind my back?”

“Fuck, no!” He yells, desperate for you to not come up with anything worse because of that one lie. “We cut ties right after I broke up with her and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since then, I swear it.”

“Why hide it from me?”

“Because I was scared to tell you the truth.”

“And what’s the truth, then? Why break up with her? Why lie?”

“I broke up with her because I was falling in love with you,” he finally admits, voice cracking when he wanted to say it with conviction. It should be liberating, but somehow it’s breaking his heart seeing your face fall at his confession. “And I couldn’t just… tell you. You have this plan of divorcing after—”

“Which you agreed to!”

“Yes, I did, because we were so sure that nothing was gonna happen between us. I had Seri and you had someone else but I went ahead and fell for you anyway.”

The words hang in the air, lingering as they demand to be said back; you see it in the desperate yet guilty look he has on. But you feel quite numb, as you try to make sense of everything - the lie, the implication of the lie, and the feelings he’d kept from you.

“When did things start to change?” You stammer, looking him in the eyes when he tells you what you hope to be is the truth.

“France.”

What? That was months ago.

“So you were lying to her this whole time?”

“No! I… I mean,” he exhales, unsure how to explain things without sounding like a total asshole, but then again, there’s no version of it where he isn’t one.

“Things started to feel different when we were there, and even more when we got back here, so I distanced myself from her while I figured things out until I couldn’t keep lying to her anymore so I broke it off,” he says. “And she saw it coming, I guess, because she wasn’t surprised and she just accepted it, told me then that she was going to resign because she’d been staying in the company for me. She said it was up to me what to tell you and I just…. I didn’t know what to do.”

“All this time, things were changing and you didn’t tell me. We were always honest with each other, Jin, that’s why it worked out,” you say, the sadness in your voice, hurting him even more. “You felt safe and comfortable and I told you all that. But this… this is different. This is beyond just the two of us.”

“I know, but I didn’t want to scare you, and I guess I was scared, too. Because I didn’t think you felt the same way, and I was right.”

“Last week then, when we had sex,” you huff. “I asked you what it meant to you, and you said that—”

“That I agreed with you, that we should see where things go.”

“But you already knew where you wanted it to go,” you counter. “Was that so I’d want you, too? Fuck me good so I’d keep wanting it, so you could keep having me that way because you were too much of a coward to tell me what you really felt?”

“I had sex with you because I was in love with you, ___!” He yells this time. “Because I wanted you to feel it, to feel what I felt, to know what it felt like to be loved and pleasured; to wake up next to someone who cares about you, holding you. I was hoping you’d wake up the next morning and feel that things were different for you, that’s why I asked, but you didn’t and I… I knew it was because of Namjoon.”

“Don’t you bring him into this, Jin,” you cry now. “You’re the one who kept this from me, you’re the one who lied about Seri leaving and made me think that something was going on between you and her while we were figuring us out and I… I thought you were the last person to do that.”

He knows your words mean more, so much more.

“___, please, I never meant to hurt you.”

“I knew I didn’t have to worry about us because I thought I knew you enough,” you say, trying to calm your breathing. “I agreed to the marriage under my terms because I had to make sure I wasn’t being manipulated into anything. I said it was okay that you stayed with Seri because I had to make sure you weren’t going to go behind my back or betray me. And for that brief moment when I found out you lied about her, I felt that betrayal again. Just the thought of you being with her this whole time was like a stab in the heart.”

Jin wails your name as he realizes how everything he’s done has led to him hurting you more, when he’d been the one scared this whole time to get his heart completely broken.

“I couldn’t have you lie to me and that’s why I was always honest,” you continue, “and when we were in France, I told you why, Jin. I told you why it mattered that you didn’t do any of that, that you told me you were gonna come back from Japan. I told you why I stopped caring for love and relationships because I couldn’t get my hopes up and then get hurt again but then you…”

You choke back your tears as you watch him stand there - helpless, unable to say the right words to make the pain stop, unable to comfort you the way he always did, unable to make you feel that love that he thought he could give.

“You still did and I… I thought only people I loved could break my heart,” you say, heaving as you garner the last bit of strength you have. “You didn’t even wait for me to love you before you could hurt me. But I guess that’s not so bad then, is it?”

You wipe your tears as you continue. “There’s less to lose, less to miss… there’s less of me that would hurt and break because of you.”

You lie to him this time around. It’s terrible. It hurts so fucking much.

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seokjins-luigi · 1 year

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simple thing | part one | ksj

・summary: seven years ago, you left seokjin to pursue your dreams abroad. you promised to come back to him, but your pride prevented you from doing so. now, he resents you and all you have left is regret.

・release date: jan 8 - 6 pm (GMT-3)

・A/N: there it is :) i'm really excited to tell this story! as always, you feedback is highly appreciated!

・word count: 6.081

・banner: made by the amazing @gfxstdio

・permanent taglist: @goldenhoney-cas @yuugehn

・series taglist: @bri-mal @firesighgirl

“Oh, ______, imagine when it’s your turn”, you heard the dreamy tone in your best friend’s voice and almost laughed.

“I think you should open yourself up to the possibility of never being my maid of honor, because it’s extremely unlikely that I’ll ever get married”, you answered as you stared at your own reflection in the mirror, pleased with the adjustments made on your gown for the upcoming event. “Deep down, you know that”.

“Well, it’s not like you have no options, bitch. You just don’t allow anyone in your life ever since you came back”, Haewon counters, her voice coming from behind you, but you know her eyes are also on your gown. “Aw, you look so beautiful in it, _____. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but-”.

Her voice cracks and you turn around only to find your best friend with her face buried in her hands, obviously breaking the promise she’d made to herself. You understand where this is coming from and can’t help yourself when you feel your own eyes welling up as you wrap your mind around what’s really happening here.

Haewon is finally getting married to the love of her life. You already knew that, of course, but seeing yourself in the dress you’d wear on your best friend’s wedding, a day the two of you had dreamed about for so long, with all the adjustments and fittings done filled your heart with so much love, so much selfless happiness.

“You’re such a fucking softie! Come here…” You manage to say with an unstable voice, as you wrapped your arms around your lifelong best friend. “I’m so happy for you, Haewon-ah!”

“Ugh, I’m so fucking happy I can’t even put into words. But I’m also so nervous at the same time”, she sniffs, wiping the tears away from her eyes delicately so she wouldn’t smudge her mascara. “Like, intrusive thoughts keep getting in the way, what if Yoongi simply says ‘no’?”

“Ha! As if!” You let out a sincere laugh, smiling softly at her as you continue. “This is the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard you say”.

“Aren’t you gonna reassure me saying that Yoongi loves me more than anything or something?” She asks in a wobbly voice.

Which is funny, because in front of you stands one of the most confident women you know. You guess being a bride does mess with your brain.

“Do I really have to?”

“Not really”, she answers shyly, as if coming to the most obvious conclusion ever. She continues, trying to get off this specific subject. “And you… Especially in this dress, will definitely get yourself a hookup and live the drama of your dreams at your best friend’s wedding, have you thought of that? I think Kitae is single, by the way”.

“My god… You were crying two seconds ago thinking about the possibility of Yoongi leaving you, now you’re telling me about Hwang Kitae’s love life status… What happens inside this brain of yours, Haewon-ah?!” You poke her head playfully with your pointer finger. “Can’t I just look forward to enjoying the party or something? I can get a hookup any other time of the year”, you reply, automatically rolling your eyes at her.

She bursts out laughing, knowing very well it would annoy the shit out of you. She simply doesn’t understand that you have priorities in life and getting laid was not number one on that list. Not that you don’t want to get laid or flirt with hot guys, of course you do. But you have so many responsibilities at the university, not only are you a new professor, but as the Department Chair of the Paleontological faculty of one the top universities in Seoul. You’ve been invited back to your country to take up the position and you couldn’t be more honored with the invitation, you didn't even second guess your choice to leave the lab you had been working in China. The endless hours you’ve spent in libraries studying your ass off, at the lab or out at fieldwork were worth it and you finally got the job of your dreams.

Since you returned to South Korea relatively recently, it’s harder to get your social life back on track. And it’s not like the piles of paperwork you need to do every week will just work themselves, so you don’t have much time to spend flirting.

And it’s fine, you love what you do.

“Well… You know he’s gonna be there”, Haewon suggests with a suspicious wiggle of her eyebrows.

“Yeah, I know, Haewon-ah!” You stare at her for one second, then continue, a little too short on your patience than you’d care to admit. “Can’t you just leave my love life alone for a holy second?”

“I’m just saying, love. Don’t be mad at me”, she raises her hands, in sign of peace and you sigh. “I just feel like it’s good to emphasize that you’ll be seeing Seokjin in a couple of days. It can get awkward or uncomfortable, or make you feel bad, I just want you to prepare yourself mentally to go through it with beauty and grace, at least”.

Kim Seokjin is a touchy subject for you. A touchy subject you preferred to avoid for the past two years of your life, but, unfortunately, you wouldn’t be able to postpone this for much longer.

The mere image of Seokjin on your brain was enough to stir your insides up. Thinking about seeing him again makes you want to run away from Korea once more, leaving everything behind, just like you did 7 years ago. If it wasn’t Haewon’s wedding, you might as well have just done that.

But some things are better dealt with when faced with spontaneity and this is the plan you mean to follow when facing him after 7 years apart. The plan is: you will see.

“Yeah, I know”, you turn your gaze towards the mirror once again, taking in how good you look in the gown. At least, when you meet him again, you’ll look gorgeous. “It’ll be fine. Care to help me with this zipper?”

Something you couldn’t mention to Haewon was the fact that being a maid of honor was stressful as hell, but you could vent out about it to Hoseok, your other best friend. You did that pretty frequently, you might add.

That’s what friends are for, right?

“I swear to god, Hoseok!” Laying on your bed, you avow in a dramatic, but honest tone. “Chaewon is gonna try to start some drama on the wedding day, I know that devil pretty well. And honestly, I don’t know what to do to prevent it”.

“Can’t we just uninvite her?” He asks, laughing on the other end.

“I’d love to, but Haewon wants to give her a chance”, you stare calmly at your ceiling as you speak to your friend. “Yoongi told me that I shouldn’t allow her to give a speech, quoting: ‘under no circumstances’”, you try to make an impression of his raspy, low voice. “I wouldn’t let her touch the mic anyways, but having the groom to back me up makes everything easier”.

“Yah, _____, you shouldn’t worry so much! We’re all gonna be there to help you manage that dragon”, he answers you, giggling softly after calling the bride’s half sister a dragon. “And about that, when I say “we’re all gonna be there”, I mean, all of us. Including Seokj-”

“I know that, Hoseok”, you cut him short. “You guys really don’t have to bring him up every time we speak to each other, ok?”

“Ok… Sorry”, he replies tonelessly. “I just felt like I could point it out, since we’re all staying at the same hotel. But, anyways, go get some sleep, it’s pretty late”.

That’s the best thing about being best friends with an Aquarius sun, they will respect your boundaries no matter how wrong they think you are. You know he, just like Haewon, thinks you should face the problem, but he knows you are a grown ass woman and he just doesn’t even try to press the matter. He just leaves you be.

You check the time on your phone and he’s right. It’s 12:12 am and, unfortunately, your work at the university has turned you into an early riser.

“You too, Seok Seok, make sure to get some rest after lending your ear to my stressed self. Good night”, trying to soften your voice, feeling a faint pang of guilt on your chest for being rude to him.

“Night, sweetums”.

You hang up and throw your phone somewhere on your bed, rolling away from it to try to clear your mind. Could Haewon and Hoseok be right about Seokjin?

Like, do you need to prepare yourself before meeting him again after so long? But then again, how could you even begin to prepare yourself for something like that?

It wasn’t like you didn’t have to see his face every so often on your tv. You did. In fact, he’s the reason you haven’t kept up with the drama releases in the past few years, since he’s been the lead on so many. Yes, you know you’re the one who left, but it didn’t mean you left because you had no feelings for him, you were just scared. You’re human, after all, you’re allowed to regret.

But life finds a way and so do you. You fall asleep not long after reaching that conclusion, but tonight, you couldn’t avoid seeing Seokjin in your dreams.

That’s what friends are for, right?

“Can’t we just uninvite her?” He asks, laughing on the other end.

“I know that, Hoseok”, you cut him short. “You guys really don’t have to bring him up every time we speak to each other, ok?”

“Ok… Sorry”, he replies tonelessly. “I just felt like I could point it out, since we’re all staying at the same hotel. But, anyways, go get some sleep, it’s pretty late”.

You check the time on your phone and he’s right. It’s 12:12 am and, unfortunately, your work at the university has turned you into an early riser.

“Night, sweetums”.

You hang up and throw your phone somewhere on your bed, rolling away from it to try to clear your mind. Could Haewon and Hoseok be right about Seokjin?

Like, do you need to prepare yourself before meeting him again after so long? But then again, how could you even begin to prepare yourself for something like that?

But life finds a way and so do you. You fall asleep not long after reaching that conclusion, but tonight, you couldn’t avoid seeing Seokjin in your dreams.

As the day of the big event approached, you started packing slowly, since you hated packing for trips. You were in no position to complain, since Yoongi basically rented the whole hotel for the wedding guests. Like, it’s not a mediocre kind of hotel, it’s one of the best hotels in Daegu. He insisted on hosting the wedding in his home city and Haewon didn’t oppose to it, since she is from the capital and they live there already.

Hoseok went to Daegu before you, by plane. You preferred to take a car trip, since it wasn’t such a long journey from Seoul to Daegu. You do love driving, so it’s a good chance to take some time and do something you love for a change. Plus, you think it’s good to have your own car with you while you’re there, because if you need to rush with any last minute details for the wedding, you wouldn’t have to depend on anything other than yourself.

When you remember your best friend is about to marry one of the most famous rappers from Korea, you always smile. Like, everything turned out the way it was supposed to be. She was a big lawyer, he was a big artist. Hoseok, also known as J-Hope was the one who introduced them, since Yoongi and him were under the same label. You were away for years, doing what you have always dreamed to do.Namjoon, a friend you don’t get to see as often, because he’s always super busy, became a very relevant art curator known worldwide for his work. Seokjin became Korea's favorite heartthrob.

Things changed a lot since you were all young and in high school making all those plans. It took you a few hours, but with these thoughts keeping you company, the car trip to Yoongi’s hometown went flying.

The hotel your friend’s fiance booked for his guests couldn’t be more opulent, you were in awe the moment you first laid your eyes on its front. Tall gray walls rose against the Daegu sky, with several glossy windows reflecting the city lights. On the top floor, you can see a gigantic swimming pool that would be delightfully pleasant for you on these hot summer days.

After parking your car in the hotel facilities, you checked yourself in and rushed to your room. Laying in your bed’s comfortable white sheets, ordering something nice from the hotel’s restaurant and having the night to relax. You were very happy to find out you could access your Netflix account while there, so you chose a random romantic comedy movie to chill while you ate.

“Don’t you have any other friends, Haewon-ah? Why does it have to be me?” You uttered loudly, lowering your face in the direction of the sink, where your phone rested against the counter while you washed your face, still a bit slow due to the early hours.

“Will it kill you, _____?” You hear Haewon’s voice coming as loud as yours from the speaker of your phone.

“Yeah, probably!” You affirmed and gestured as if she could see you. “Ugh, doesn’t Yoongi have any friends to ask for stuff? What’s the point of being famous if you can’t ask favors from important people?”

“If you think about it, you’re kind of important too… You’re the most relevant paleontologist in South Korea right now”, you can see in your mind’s eye the expression on her face as she strokes your ego with this particular comment.

You’re not usually a very narcissistic person, but when it comes to your professional life… You kind of are. Haewon knows that and she, sometimes, uses that in her own favor.

“Yeah, well, long story short is: I don't want to!” You stare at your reflection for a second in order to help you think about something else to say. “Can’t Chanyeol go?”

“No, he can’t”, she answers dryly. “Don’t be a fucking child, _____. I know you have nothing important to do today and I’m asking you for a favor”.

She is right, you have nothing to do this afternoon. You wanted to chill some more by the pool, but you know she will just laugh at you if you say that. You have no other excuses to give her, there’s apparently no way out of this.

“Can't this guy just call an Uber or something?” You try for the last time.

“_____, he’s stopped the shootings of his next movie in freaking Japan to come to my wedding, I can’t just leave him and greet him like any other guest” Yeah, she has a point. You don’t really show it, but you agree with her. Seokjin has always been a considerate friend, damn him for that. “And you two are gonna have to talk to each other in a few hours anyways, can’t you try to make it a little less uncomfortable? We’re all staying at the same fucking hotel. I think if you two meet alone before the rehearsal dinner, it will be easier to deal with each other’s presence. You’re my maid of honor, _____”.

You knew since day one that, as a maid of honor, you’d have many obligations in your friend’s wedding and when you accepted to be Haewon’s maid of honor, you were counting on being bothered with all sorts of requests from her. Even your assistant, Jeon Jungkook, helped every once in a while when you were too busy at the university. But honestly? The only thing you didn't see coming was having to pick Kim Seokjin up at the airport. All by yourself.

Apparently god, the gods or whoever runs the skies or whatever has a very controversial sense of humor. And this thing enjoyed putting you in all sorts of embarrassing situations. Because, come on, having to pick up your ex-boyfriend of years, who you broke up with to go study abroad and who also happened to be very hurt by the breakup at the time, at the fucking international airport was a fucking joke. If you saw it coming, you’d have joined Hoseok on the airplane.

Sighing in defeat, you finally ask your best friend.

“What time do I fucking have to be there?”

You drove to the airport with The Seeds of Love blasting through the sound system of your car, singing along to each and every single one of the songs, in a desperate attempt to calm yourself the fuck down. It worked to a certain degree, but you were still feeling the annoying, but familiar sensation inside of you.

When you parked the car in the airport’s parking lot, you had to fight the urge to vomit and to run away at the same time. You know that seeing Seokjin for the first time in years will definitely mess with you in ways you didn’t even want to imagine.

You don’t particularly enjoy this sensation, to feel extremely lost into someone, but also utterly vulnerable. That’s why you didn’t keep your word. That’s why you didn’t look for him when you came back. Being with him always made you feel like there’s no one else in the world, apart from him. It was a sensation like no other, loving someone with your whole heart and soul, but the vulnerability that necessarily comes with it doesn’t really sit well with you. It doesn’t even suit you anymore.

Also, deep down, you knew he had already moved on and it was incredibly naive of you to think a man like Seokjin would be single for long. To make matters worse, he is an actor, for god’s sake. He would never wait for you, when he has the chance to be with people who are completely out of your league, but totally into his league.

That’s why the best option for you was just to move on with your own ordinary, academic life. Find someone nice and as ordinary as you, Seokjin and you don't belong in the same world anymore and that’s fine. That’s how life works. Things aren’t unchangeable and so aren’t people.

With your mind racing, you tried the breathing exercise your psychologist taught before leaving the car, but the magic didn’t work this time around. You couldn’t stop thinking and speculating about how'd you really feel when you finally laid your eyes on him.

Your legs dragged you into the arrivals area, as your eyes scanned the place in hopes of finding Seokjin before he found you. You didn’t arrive at the airport much earlier than you should have, because you knew that you’d be anxious as fuck, which didn’t give you much time to only think or speculate how you’d feel when your eyes lay on Seokjin’s after so long. You found out pretty soon, when unexpectedly you saw his brown, almond shaped eyes staring directly at yours, as soon as the doors from arrival opened. It’s like after all this time, he still found you in a crowded room no matter what.

For a couple of seconds, it felt like everybody else in the world was out of focus and Seokjin was everything you could see. He came walking towards you, his face remained in a stoic expression and you desperately tried to recompose yourself, more on the inside than on the outside, since you’ve always been good at hiding your feelings. It felt so surreal seeing him, after he became a celebrity, after you left him to pursue your dreams, so many things have happened and so much has changed in the meantime. Each step he takes in your direction, makes you realize it was all real.

He is there in front of you, Kim Seokjin, in flash and bones. He still looked the same as he looked seven years ago, the same striking beauty that always made you think you were the luckiest woman in the world. You really were.

He was wearing an oversized black sweatshirt and also a pair of oversized blue jeans, he looks so fucking cool it hurts. His hair is longer than he used to have back then, but you really think the longer hair suits him very well. You almost hate him for looking so effortlessly handsome.

You tried giving him a half smile, because the fact that he didn’t react in any way to your presence made you feel nervous. He didn’t smile back, though as he got closer, he bowed to you. Simply bowed, as if you were just an ordinary acquaintance.

Gulping, you bowed back at him.

“Seokjin-ssi, hi! Wow, it’s been so long”, you tried, in a desperate attempt to make the situation less awkward.

He pressed his lips together and nodded, not really looking you in the eyes right now. Yeah, he probably still hates you. Great! Did you really have to mention it’s been long? Of course it’s been long since the last time you’ve seen each other and it’s all thanks to you. You’re so bad at small talk.

Why did you allow Haewon convince you to do this, for god’s sake?

“Er- Shall we, then?” You ask him, the silliest and most awkward smile still hanging on your lips.

“Lead the way”, he replies and hearing the sound of his velvety voice for the first time makes you quiver on the inside.

“Do you…N-Need any help with your baggage?” You felt like a teenager trying to talk to her high school crush, stuttering like that.

“Oh no, I got it”, he denies and nods his head no, his black hair moving like silk against the wind. “Er- Thanks, though”.

He sounded a tiny bit less cold, which made you feel 0,1% better. You’ll need a very long hot bath to relax after this, you know for sure. You turned without trying to say anything else and made your way towards your car silently, listening to him following you in a safe distance. Your mind was racing trying to find a way to have light small talk with him, because the awkward silence you were forced to share with him right now made you feel like crying.

The weather? Fuck no. Soccer? You don’t care for sports. Politics? You’re not sure of his political opinions nowadays. No silly or light comments came to your mind and trying to mention the wedding would be too obviously a desperate attempt and Seokjin wasn’t stupid.

You helped him accommodate his belongings in the trunk of your car almost in silence, only exchanging a few words about the car and you were ready to get in and endure the longest car ride from the airport to the hotel.

However, he surprised you when you heard his voice meeting your ears.

“Good to know you came back, ______-ssi”, then, Seokjin opened the car door and took his seat.

Ok, so, he wants to do this. Better than giving you the silent treatment all the way to the hotel, you figured. You follow him on the inside of your car and try giving him another half smile, obviously trying to show him you wanted this to go as smoothly as possible.

“Yes, I’m back”, you laugh nervously as you start the car. “It’s been two ye-”.

“I know”, he cuts you off. “I know it’s been two years”.

You know he knows. You have friends in common, who have obviously mentioned that you came back to Korea, at some point. You’ve always known this conversation would happen, but as much as you tried to prepare yourself for this moment, you realized you couldn't truly be prepared for it.

“Oh”, that’s all you managed to say.

This is the only man you’ve ever loved in your entire life. Finally confronting you after you left. Looking at his eyes, they burned with resentment. You understand his reasons, of course you do. You left him after he proposed to you right after college, to follow your dreams, to become who you are today. You loved him, but you’d never give up on your dreams for anyone and you also didn’t want him to give up on his dreams because of you. His career was starting to take off when you got the scholarship in China and he offered to leave everything behind to go with you.

But you said no to him.

It hurt like hell to do so, of course it did. You loved him, but because you loved him you couldn’t tell him it was ok to give up on his dreams, on his career, on his life to be with you in another country for god knows how many years. Because you loved him, you couldn’t be selfish. That’s why you left, but it didn’t matter how many times you tried to explain your reasons to him, he would never fully understand.

“If I remember correctly, you said you’d come and look for me when you came back”, he raised his brows as he said it softly, disguising his rancor. “What happened? Was it hard to track me down or something?”

He knew it wasn’t, since he’s one of Korea’s sweethearts right now.

“Very funny, Seokjin”, you sigh, looking at the road, trying your best to stay focused on the traffic.

“Yeah, I’ve always managed to make you laugh, right? Good thing I’ve built my career in show business, huh?” You felt his eyes burning where they touched you, as he fixed his gaze on your side profile. “But let me try a different approach. Why didn’t you keep your word? All these years, I… have waited for you, _____”.

“Did you, though?” You glance at his figure for a second and you see his eyes widening, then you turn your full attention back to the road ahead of you. “It wasn't like you’ve been single these past few years, you know? How did you expect me to come back years later, begging you to give me another chance after reading all about your flings with your coworkers all this time?”

He laughs humorlessly and when you don’t follow him, he asks you lowly.

“Are you serious?”

“Why would I not be?” You pinch your eyebrows as you reply to his question with another one.

“You tell me”, he scoffs, running his hands through his hair, then sighs loudly. “And don’t try to change the focus here. I asked you a question first”

“Seokjin, I…”, your voice trails off and you simply stop trying to find something to say.

Does he really need you to confess that you were scared that, after all those years, you were afraid of getting rejected? Doesn’t it go without saying? When you left, everything was different. Seokjin has always attracted the attention of, basically, everyone. He has always had unmatched visuals, an unique sense of humor, charisma, intelligence, morals. It took you such a long time to build your trust on him and on your relationship, because in the beginning, you’d compare yourself to everyone who approached him, scared he’d realize he could do so much better with other people, who were prettier, smarter, funnier than with you. Does he really need you to say that you just got scared all over again?

“Why didn’t you come find me when you came back, ______-ssi, like you promised?” He stressed the last word out as he spoke slowly, clearly annoyed by your silence.

“Things… changed”, you declared hesitantly, taking the easy road on your way to avoid focusing this too much on your feelings. “Haven’t they?”

“Not for me”, he replies without even wincing, then he adds. “Why? Have they changed for you?”

They haven’t, actually. You wish you could just tell him everything, like you used to. Just let him know how you really feel, how insecure you felt all the times you thought about calling him or even going after him in person. But how could you? Time does, in fact, change things. As much as two people wish for things to stay the same, they hardly ever do.

What you really wanted after all these years was just to throw yourself into Seokjin’s arms and find the comfort no one else has been able to give you ever since. If only he knew how much you craved him and how difficult it was to be inside of your car right now, where his perfume filled the whole space and almost made you intoxicated with longing.

You wish you were a little more selfish, so you’d just ignore the fact that everything happened the way it did and just throw yourself into his arms, not giving a shit about what comes next.

But you aren’t selfish, at least, not when it comes to Kim Seokjin.

With your mind racing, you hesitate before you’re able to form a coherent sentence in your brain and he notices.

“Ok, I see how it is, ______”, his head snaps in your direction again, even though you got your eyes focused on the road, you feel his eyes on you. “You’re seeing someone, aren’t you? Of course you are, for fuck’s sake. Of course you’ve found someone after all these years…”

If only he knew you’d compared every guy you met all this time to him, he’d laugh so hard, he’d probably get hiccups. You haven’t been able to establish true connections with anyone else ever since you left him, unlike him, who’s been involved in several dating rumors during these past few years. You know because you read all of the details from every single one of them, while the only dates you had ended up being on night stands with random guys you met in bars.

“No, I’m not”, you coldly reply, turning your face into his direction for a split second, just to see the surprise taking over his face.

“You’re not seeing anyone, then?” He allows the words to roll off his tongue slowly, repeating the question he asked you a few seconds ago, only this time the disbelief was obvious in his tone.

“No”.

Seokjin crosses his arms in front of his chest and breathes through his nose loudly. Maybe this was as uncomfortable to him as it was to you. You just couldn’t wrap your head around why he’d want to do this after all this time, both of you had said everything there was to be said back then. There just isn’t a reason for you to go through this all over again, fortunately, you aren’t far from his hotel now. You soon would be away from him all over again, safely hidden at your hotel room, where you could cry all night long, until the gigantic lump in your throat disappeared. Mostly because you’d try to forget about it with a relatively expensive bottle of wine.

After a brief moment of silence, he starts again.

“I just… Need to hear you saying why”, he turned to you as he spoke and it sounded like he was on the verge of crying.

Knowing you made him suffer has been something that prevented you from sleeping every once in a while and a lot of times you ended the nights hating yourself for it. You hate yourself for causing all of this. You just wish life was easier, you wish you could have everything you want, you wish you could have had a brilliant career and Seokjin at the same time.

After all these years, the truth is he doesn’t need you anymore. He’s famous, he can have anyone he wants. You just wish he could understand that and that it was the sacrifice you decided to make on his behalf. You want him to be happy, not stuck with you and your unexciting academic career.

“I really don’t know, Seokjin. There’s no… specific reason, I guess”, you gazed at him as you summoned the strength to continue. “I just think it doesn’t make sense to me anymore”.

It obviously is harder than you think, because you know none of it is true. You’re just a coward, you just avoided him these two past years, because you were scared of being permanently dumped. You guess you preferred the what if, than to really just let Seokjin go. You were not ready to let him go, he’s always been your haven, your safe place, even after the two of you broke up. He’s your favorite memory.

And it was better to have his memory untouched, than spoiling it with real life and getting dumped because he was having the time of his life as a famous actor, fucking god knows who.

“What doesn’t make sense?” He queries you almost in a whisper.

“Us”, you reply in the same tone. It takes every ounce of strength in you, but you lie again.

You don’t see it, but his eyes darken the minute your words meet his ears like a sucker punch to his stomach.

He takes in a deep breath and seconds later, your car is filled with his low, deeper voice.

“So, you’re saying that everything we lived together, everything we shared… The promises both of us made to each other… None of it makes sense to you anymore?”

Judging by the way he just asked you this, you were slowly starting to realize that, perhaps, it all still makes sense to him, just like it still makes sense to you. Perhaps, he’s been waiting for you to return, like you promised. Just like Haewon and Hoseok had foreseen it, but you refused to believe it. Because you are a fucking coward, the worst kind. You lie to people and you lie to yourself in a desperate attempt to protect your pride.

It was far too late to change your mind now. Specially, after the way he spoke to you now. You know he’s deeply hurt and things will, in fact, never be the same again.

You can’t even think about anything to say. You aren’t mentally able to tell him again that you think your history simply doesn’t make sense, the kind of love you and Seokjin have for each other doesn’t just stop making sense.

“You know what, ______-ssi? Nevermind” He breaks the silence, but his voice is still a little louder than just a whisper. “I thought I could do this, but it’s impossible to have this type of conversation like this. Can you please stop this car!? I’ll call myself an Uber”.

“What?” You ask him, dumbfounded. “I’m not gonna just drop you on the side of the road, we’re almost there-”.

“I’ll be fine”, he cuts you off dryly and louder than before. “I’ve been fine without you these past seven years of my life, it’s not like I need you anyways”.

Okay, you deserve to hear that. Your brain goes into code red and you’re very happy that you’re a good driver, because you know you can’t fully function right now. You open your mouth in an attempt to argue against his request, but no sound comes out of it.

“Seriously, ______. Stop this car”, he demands, this time around.

Your feet automatically hit the brakes, just like he told you to, stopping the car by the sidewalk. You’re still taking it all in. You imagined this wouldn’t end well, but you even surprised yourself with how bad it actually ended, all thanks to you, of course.

“Please, just send my baggage to my room when you get there”, he sneers, his eyes glued on your figure and you can’t muster up the courage to look into his eyes.

He opens the door and gets out of your car calmly, then closes the door delicately. That’s the scariest part of it all, Seokjin is the confronting type, he doesn’t take shit from people and he didn’t even want to continue talking with the conversation, there was no closure. He just cut you off. He couldn’t bear being in the same space as you. Saying the shit you said was probably the final nail to this coffin and as much as you hate admitting it to yourself, you were the one who dug this grave. You followed his figure with your eyes as he distanced himself from your car, not even once looking back.

He is now totally free to move on with his life, as he’s supposed to. He’s rich, beautiful, talented, charismatic, funny, relevant, famous. You don’t belong with him anymore and that’s fine. Some people aren’t made to be together and it is fine.

It actually isn’t fine, not at all, but you’ll learn how to live with it. You’re just happy to know he’ll live his life to the fullest now, after burying his past with you.

Lucky you driving has calming effects on you, so you play your sad girl vibe playlist and drive back to your place, as tears rolled down your cheeks.

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namjoonia · 1 year

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JIN | SONG SERIES 🌌 | EPISODE 1 - ASTRONAUT

After talking about how I wanted my song to be - what I want for concept, what I want the lyrics to be - Chris Martins song came to me. I hope while you listen to this song, I hope you feel happy

| EPISODE 2 | JIN SONG SERIES MASTERPOST | SONG SERIES MASTERLIST | NAMJOON SERIES

Credits 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05

#jin song series #jin #kim seokjin #bts #namjoonia song series #jin series #astronaut #happy birthday jin #kgfxnet #bangtanoasis #btshoneyhive #army edit #eye #i am happy with this #love you jin #♥♥♥

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jinkookspencil · 1 year

Text

lessons in love | ksj

riddled with anxiety at the beginning of your master’s degree, you found just the piece of peace you needed in a tiny, hidden cafe by your university with great coffee, a mellow ambiance, and one of the cafe’s regulars… the handsome teacher with a warm laugh you couldn’t help but listen to.

chapter one!

tags: ~3.3k words / jin x (f) reader / fluff / strangers to ..... / teacher!jin / teacher AU but yn is not jin’s student!! jin teaches kids, she is a master’s student / also a bit of a coffee shop au since it’s their meeting place / chapter 1 of a series <3 / i would really appreciate any feedback with this one, especially considering it’s the first chapter of my first series! <3 (could be taken as its own little meet-cute if you want to read it that way, but i have more coming) / happy birthday, seokjin <3 (he's still 29 in this fic shhhh)

tw: mentions of anxiety - yn / reader has anxiety, it'll pop up within the series later on....

banner: by the amazing @playmetheclassicss @classicseffects <3

Peace and a reassuring sign were all you needed as you walked out of the university on that cold autumn day…. The breeze prickling your skin did nothing to distract you from the anxious beating of your heart in your chest. As it always did at the beginning of a new chapter in your life, your anxiety skyrocketed. You couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the demands and the workload you began to face at the beginning of your master's degree, especially with your headache of a roommate in your apartment and your family so far away….

The only thing you could do to calm yourself down when you felt the panic settling in was to go on a walk and listen to your stress-relieving playlist, and luckily, the musical algorithm seemed to be in your favor. Though you compiled the playlist yourself a couple of weeks ago, you just remembered how great and varied it was. Every track that popped up after you hit shuffle, one after the other, put you in a better mood. Before you knew it, you completely forgot about going home and the mess you'd be returning to, instead mindlessly opting to explore the streets between and around your apartment and your university. The area was quaint. You quickly figured out the busier spots from the quieter spots in town, and just as you thought you had mapped out the area pretty well, you came across a tiny tucked-away shortcut between two roads. It was more than a shortcut, really, a little street of its own with a couple of closed stores and a cafe right between them.

It was an odd spot for a cafe, as it would go neglected by most people walking on the main streets… Walking in, you noticed nothing particularly special about the place; its modern, wooden interior was similar to many others on the main roads that were far more popular, except this one only had a handful of customers who undoubtedly also smelled the strong, lingering scents of coffee and sugar in the air. The atmosphere was quiet and mellow, with no obstructive decals, noisy customers, or loud music, and long, wooden tables that would make for a great workspace when you needed to work somewhere that wasn't the library or your apartment… The barista's counter and cash register housed a selection of delicious-looking pastries and snacks, but for now, their decent and well-priced latte would suffice… You would definitely be returning…

Within no time, you had become a regular at the cafe, the baristas recognizing you and preparing your coffee order without you even having to tell them most days.

It was perfect.

With its inconspicuous location you realized was exactly halfway between your university and your apartment, it proved to really be the best working environment you found so far, as you suspected, and the perfect coffee stop to, from, and between classes. It was the exact piece of peace you needed at the start of your term. Whenever you were in the cafe, you could just work to your heart's desire without having to worry about fellow students or your roommate pestering you, and you even occasionally allowed yourself to get distracted and procrastinate, too, without the pressure of the library.

It was never that busy - some passersby during the typical busier hours and a few regulars. There was the old man who was present every afternoon, sipping a cup of tea as he read a crime novel, the pair of teenage girls who came in for hot chocolates or extra sweet lattes and sat in the corner, a couple of other students who seemed to be undergrads…..

And then there was the teacher….

At least, you assumed he was a teacher. Or a teaching assistant. He looked too young to tell, even after the half a dozen times you had seen him after first noticing him during your second week of visiting the cafe. Every time you saw him, he was working away on one of the cafe's other wide tables or countertops, either on his laptop or making his way through a stack of papers with a red pen - the first signal that gave you a hint to his profession, as well as the button-down shirts with the cartoonish ties he added to them, which were always a fun bonus to spot. Weekday afternoons, in that state, were the only times he ever looked like a teacher. During the weekends or the occasional evening visit, when he dressed in bright-colored hoodies with his laptop… He looked so young that you could've bet he was a student, maybe even an undergrad. And with his shaggy hair that was too long to be short, small strands sticking out both at the top of his head and against his delicate features… you had to admit, he was handsome… but that wasn't what you found most interesting about him….

It was a peculiar thing. Every time he worked, he laughed. You noticed it the third or fourth time you saw him at the cafe when you cursed yourself for accidentally leaving your headphones at home, and then you couldn't un-notice it, the sound of his laughter even creeping in through your headphones the following visits. He never seemed to be laughing AT his students' work… and he rarely wore headphones, so he surely wasn't watching Netflix or even listening to a funny podcast…. He laughed loudly and squeakily, without a hint of shame, as though he wasn't surrounded by strangers. One might've found his loud laugh rude or perplexing, especially considering he laughed as he graded papers... But no one complained. No one could deny the innocence in his laughter. He seemed… warm.

You couldn't pinpoint why you thought that - whether it stemmed from his child-like smile and demeanor coupled with the cartoonish stickers on his laptop, or your own intuition - nor could you pinpoint what amused him so much… But whatever it was, it was odd, intriguing, and adorable all at once ….

Ever since that day, whenever he was in the cafe, you made a mental note to take off your headphones every now and then just to listen to the sound of his laughter. You couldn't help but smile whenever you heard it, and amidst the stress of papers and research, you took it as a reminder that life isn't as serious as supervisors and lectures make it out to be… Attaching meaning to a stranger's habit might've been odd as well…. but hey, you needed the reminder…

It was one thing that eased those first weeks into your term, which felt like months, especially since you were away from your sister and your nephews, the people you missed most from home. You had texted her asking to video-call whenever she and her kids were free since you had nothing but research planned at the cafe for the day after an early morning meeting, and she called minutes after you sat down with your coffee.

You briefly caught up with your sister but could soon hear your nephews arguing in the background, which was too much right through your headphones and into your ears. Taking off your headphones and putting your phone on loudspeaker, you mouth an apology to the barista, who makes no protest at you answering the call, waving it off before disappearing somewhere in the back, leaving you alone in the quiet of the cafe. But the brief pause didn't derail your sister's train of thought, immediately diving back into her interrogation of your life as a student and, as always, your love life.

"These are your best years! Have fun!" she insisted when you rolled your eyes. "I'm sure there's someone right underneath your nose that's perfect for you. Look around, and stop hiding away in your work, as you always do. You just need to take a chance. If I could design a man for my little sister, it'd be a nerdy, funny, responsible boy that knows how to make you smile… not like that boring idiot you dated who never gave you a present, even on your birthday," she assures.

"Oh, please, that's what everyone would wish for their sister, or best friend, or themselves! And you're saying that as if a man like that exists. I'm done. I'm done hearing this, but I can hear my nephews. Put them on," you grunt.

"Alright, alright," she resigns before calling out to her sons and handing them the phone. "Boys, it's your auntie!"

It’s hard to make out what they say through the screams. You make out yells of “Auntie!” between requests for toys and very quick anecdotes from school. Apparently, it’s a big deal that a kid in class had a shark-shaped backpack…. You couldn’t help but laugh at their excitement, happily nodding and joking along to their stories, smiling at their innocence and excitement. They ended the call, apparently accidentally, as a text from your sister described, but you smiled at her promise that they’d call back later.

“Uhm, excuse me?” you hear from behind you.

Turning around, you see…. the teacher, who had been sitting at a table by the door instead of one of the closer tables that he loved to work on.

“Excuse me, sorry, were you just talking to kids on the phone?” he asked, eyes wide.

Oh. You were so caught up in their excitement that you didn’t even notice him come in…

"Yes, my nephews," you sheepishly say. "Sorry if they were a bit loud. I didn't realize anyone else was in here." You quickly scan the cafe to see if there was anyone else you should apologize to, but it was empty. Even the barista was still nowhere to be seen.

"Not at all. They seemed adorable. I love kids. My kids - not my actual kids. I don't HAVE kids, obviously. The kids I teach… I'm a teacher," he explains in a hurry, "They're obsessed with these new erasable animal-themed pens? I don't know if you heard of them?"

"I haven't," you reply, noticing the twinkle in his eye.

"Kids these days are obsessed with them. Trust me. I don't know how old your nephews are, but regardless, I know they'll love them. I didn't mean to overhear, but honestly, it was hard not to," he giggles - as you attempt to stop your smile from widening. "I'm just saying, and those pens can be pretty hard to find, but there's a stationery shop around the corner from here -"

"The one with the red door?" you interrupt him, just as excitedly.

"Yes! They sell them. Just if you want to get them for your nephews…"

"I definitely will. I've been there a couple of times but never noticed those pens. Thank you."

"No problem," he nods with a smile.

You had never talked to the teacher before. He seemed polite, as you always expected. He actually was a teacher, obviously. And he taught kids, which adds to his warm aura, but a mystery remains unsolved. In a flash, you figured this was a chance to follow your curiosity…

"Uhm…," you begin, catching his attention. "I don't mean to be rude, but I'm curious about something, and I just wanted to ask you about it…."

"Me?" he questions, tilting his head. "Sure, what is it?"

"I noticed you here sometimes, working and grading papers, I think… but you always laugh while you work, and-"

"Ah, sorry, my laugh is a bit much," interrupting you now, he giggles shyly, trying to restrain it as his cheeks turn pink.

"No, it's not that! I actually like your laugh," you freeze for a fraction of a second, realizing what you had just said - it would be a moment you'd keep replaying in your mind for a while, cringing at the sudden confession that escaped you. "I was just wondering… why? Like, what's so funny? Grading tests doesn't seem to be like a fun thing."

"Oh," he sighs in relief with a smile, his eyes wide and his cheeks now magenta. "Well, I believe learning should be fun. So I include jokes, doodles, silly questions, and the sorts within the homework and tests I assign and the slides I use. And the students' answers to them are hilarious. Sometimes I even laugh at jokes I wrote months ago when preparing the curriculum."

"That's amazing…" - it's all you're able to let out, but you were amazed.

He shrugs. "Thanks. The faculty and the kids' parents disagree, but since the kids have great grades and actually like coming to class, they don't really complain as much anymore."

You nod, feeling a slight ache in your cheeks due to your prolonged smile, and realizing you might've looked like an idiot, you instantly bring your hands to your face in an attempt to cover your expression with the ends of your sleeves.

"I noticed you here before too. Are you a student?" he asks, grabbing his backpack and laptop, walking over to the large table by yours, and setting his things on it.

"Yeah, I'm a master's student."

He nods. "That makes sense. I thought that you don't look that much younger than me to be an undergrad."

So he not only noticed you but thought about you… Perhaps it was time to flirt, you wonder.

"Wait, so do I look old?" you ask, eyebrows raised.

"I just said that you don't look much younger than me, so are you saying I'm old then?" he immediately jibed back.

Perhaps it was never time to flirt.

"No, no, I'm sorry!" you defend before the two of you burst into laughter. "You know what I mean."

"My reputation for being the 'hot, young teacher' is ruined," he sighs. "No, I got you. I'm just saying we look around the same age. I'm 29."

"Oh, I'm just a few years younger than you!"

"You see?" he says calmly.

"You're still worthy of your title and reputation, then."

Shit, did you just indirectly call him hot?!

"Thank goodness. I'm glad I have your approval. I needed it. So are you enjoying your master's?" he asks before you get the chance to ask him about himself further or take in his response.

"It's a lot of work, but yes, I am. I like studying, actually."

"Good, enjoy every second of it. I just finished my master's degree a couple of years ago and was lucky to find this teaching job after."

"Was that always the plan? If you don't mind me asking."

"I don't mind at all. And no, it wasn't really the plan. I worked different jobs during university both times, and one day, a friend suggested it to me. I'm the oldest in my friend group, and I realized then that it just kind of fit? I never realized I had always been in this type of role before until he said it. I trained as an assistant for a bit, and here I am," he remarks, pointing at his sticker-decorated laptop.

"And are you enjoying it?" you inquired.

"Honestly, I am - more than I thought I would. I never considered teaching before, and who knows? I might not be a teacher forever, but I'm enjoying it now. The kids are just so entertaining, and I like the routine of it."

You nod.

"Are you thinking of becoming a teacher?" he asks.

"Kind of….," your voice trails off. "I'm considering it - it's one of the reasons I'm continuing my studies, but I'm not so sure."

"Why not?"

"I have a few ideas I want to pursue other than teaching, but I'm mostly studying because I just want to learn more. And sharing that knowledge seems like the right path, you know? Why hoard all this knowledge for myself?"

He nods, seemingly in approval. "That's amazing. It's a better reason to teach than me saying the kids entertain me."

You shrug. "I don't think so. If you're happy, that's the most important thing, especially if you make the kids happy too. They won't forget that."

"Yeah… You're right.", the teacher replies with a grin, his voice trailing off as he folds his arms on the table and leans forward. "But if you ever consider it, it'd be nice to have someone to share my title with."

He follows up that comment with anecdotes from the school, including a funny story about a kid in his class who entered a subject-based corny dad joke battle with him - the jokes were indeed corny, but they were still pretty funny and reminded you of the banter you and a friend once had with a teacher in high school, which you recalled to him. And, through it all, he kept laughing as though he had an endless supply of joy…

Your cheeks legitimately hurt from smiling so much, and a part of you wondered if he felt the same, in more ways than one, fearing that such a happy person might actually be sad….. But you had to stop yourself from overthinking and worrying too much about someone who was still more of a stranger than an acquaintance… You had just never met a stranger with such an attitude… It was just so heartwarming. Sure, you noticed him and his energy in the past, but now you noticed the way his smile turned his eyes into little crescent moons and defined his cheeks a shade of red every few seconds, the curl of his hair curled at the nape of his neck, and the way his eyes blink faster and his voice gets louder and louder…. You had to stop yourself from getting carried away again…

Suddenly the coffee machine's whirrs stop, letting out a loud beeping noise instead, and it's then when you both snap back to reality and readjust to your surroundings, having been too immersed in the conversation to realize that a few more people had entered the cafe, including the barista, who got to work on a customer's order.

"Oh, I'm sorry if I got carried away. You didn't even get coffee yet," you say, looking at the teacher's empty table.

"Please don't apologize. It was so nice to finally talk to you. My name is Jin, by the way."

"It was nice to meet you too," you tell him, introducing yourself with a smile.

It's then that he suddenly gets up from his chair and takes the few steps that separated you with an outstretched hand, waiting for you to shake it. He wasn't that much older than you, and people in your generation didn't really shake hands… It was a sweet, old-fashion gesture, you thought, as you shook his hand, which was warm as the aura he radiated.

You faced your work, as did Jin after he got his coffee…. but you couldn't shake off the lingering warmth of his hand against your fingertips, which did more to warm you up than your coffee did. Nor could you shake off the image of his excitement and modesty when he talked about learning and the schoolkids…

Just as your brain began to understand some of the words you had been staring at for half an hour, you notice via your peripheral vision that the teacher, Jin, began to collect his things, slinging his backpack over his shoulders.

"I'll see you around here," he says softly, stopping for a moment by your table with raised eyebrows.

"See you," you reply with a smile. Hearing his footsteps as he walks out the door behind you, you blink at the bright screen in front of you.

Now, some reading…. No charming distractions.

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benevolenterrancy · 9 months

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I absolutely love just how many time-travel fix-it fics there are in this fandom

#mdzs #wangxian #wei wuxian #wei ying #wwx #lan wangji #lan zhan #lwj #mdzs juniors #jin ling #lan sizhui #lan jingyi #ouyang zizhen #currently reading tragedy is not the end by hobbsy3 on ao3 and holy shit guys #anyway any sort of fic that messes with time to alter canon events hold a special place in my heart and the number in this fandom delights #we're all watching every dumb decision made by. everyone. in this series and screaming desperately for them to Be Better #my art

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 7 months

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Get Their Ass.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jin ling #jin chan #Yeah that's right. This guy is a named character. All those nameless disciples in the yi city arc and *this* guy gets a name.#Jin ling finally gets his much needed outfit upgrade! Rest in peace double straps.#I adore how we get to keep learning about Jin Ling and peeling back the layers on him...It's also so sad to see him so alone and friendless #especially knowing he really was starting to build peer friendships in the yi city arc...#Jin ling really is one of my top 5 characters in MDZS and its absolutely in part because of how you can *see* how he ended up this way #and we watch him learn and grow! He's doing what most adults refuse to do: Consider that his opinions are skewed and need to change.#You are NOT immune to propaganda and I adore characters who reflect and struggle with that!#Just because someone with assumed authority says something that fits into what you want to be true does not make it true B*/#In this series about rumours and warped perspectives - Jin Ling is a great example of how hard you have to work for the truth #+1 points of friendship with jin ling: He will self correct himself if he says a slur now

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sandushengshou · 12 days

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endless gifs of jiang cheng [6/ ∞]

#the untamed #theuntamededit #mxtxnet #cdrama #cdramasource #cdramaedit #asiandramanet #asiandramasource #jiang cheng #jin guangyao #lan xichen #mdzs #*#*jc #im trying once again to get rid of my drafts #and while jgy and lxc are there too this is about jc <3 #and also i just want to continue with this series #poor lxc is having a very bad day

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thasorns · 27 days

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JAZZ FOR TWO 재즈처럼 (2024) dir. Song Soo Lim & Kang Hye Rim

#jazz for two #jazz for two the series #ji ho geun #kim jin kwon #song hangyeom #boyslovesource #kdramaedit #korean bl #userlinnea #esmetracks #zeystuff #gif: jft #Taeyi dskfjhsj how Doyoon yeets him out of the way #habit to post in the middle of the night #*500

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jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue · 1 month

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Our Little Love part seven - OT7 Mafia/Yandere au

What’s that saying? One step forward two steps back? 👀 6K words containing: manipulation, toxic yandere men, non-consented acts of affection, lies, possessive behaviour, jealousy, allusion to crime and kidnapping.

“Little love,” Jin calls for you absentmindedly, frowning when you don’t look up from your book to answer him. It’s one you had read a million times before, maybe you didn’t hear him.

“Little love?” He tries again, looking confused as you let out a disgruntled sigh of annoyance.

He can see your jaw clench, something had pissed you off. Your foot became restless as you sat in the arm chair, it was only when Jimin cleared his throat obviously he remembered the terms and conditions you had enforced.

This time he lets out a big sigh, one of tested patience. He mumbles an apology before turning away, a bitter feeling creeping up his chest. Fuck, he resented the fact he couldn’t call you that anymore, it was like asking him not to breathe. Fuck fuck fuck, they needed to earn your forgiveness soon or this might actually kill them. Not that they ever underestimated you, but you really did know which weapons to pull to hurt them the most, and fuck did he have to admit they deserved it. Didn’t mean he had to like any of it.

Jimin follows him out, a quick glance back at you to see if you were paying any concern but of course not. Since the day you announced the break you’d been keeping your distance, Jimin had complained about it childishly with tantrum tears in his eyes but you had patiently explained you needed the space to clear your head.

Jimin scoffs at the memory, feeling sour about it still. The pout he wears gives away his thoughts when they both find Yoongi in the kitchen.

“Little love giving you a hard time?” he says almost amused.

It’s Jin’s turn to scoff dramatically, ears burning so red, Yoongi swears there’s steam.

“We can’t call her that anymore,” he complains, sulking.

Yoongi smiles a little, not because he truly found his hyung’s pain entertaining, but because he understood the pain.

“It’s a difficult situation,” Yoongi agrees, “but the alternative would have been so much worse.”

Jimin and Jin stare silently at him, their gazes aggressive as if they wanted to hit the male but they didn’t because he was right. The worst alternative wasn’t expecting you to leave, they all knew they would never let that happen, but if you had become a ghost of yourself, if they had broken you so badly there was nothing left to rebuild, then what would be left of you?

“When did you become so considerate?” Jimin scoffs, rolling his eyes. He didn’t like any of it, he didn’t care if you were right and they were wrong, you had taken away their most prized and valuable possession, you. He couldn’t help the internal tantrums as if someone had taken away his favourite toy. Call him childish, call him whatever the hell you wanted, he hated this situation, and he couldn’t hide it.

They apologised, and apologised, and apologised, and you still gave them the cruellest punishment you could think of.

“You’re still thinking with anger,” Yoongi acknowledges, knowing when Jimin cooled down from this he would probably be the one with the most regret and remorse, what he didn’t know is Jimin was clinging to his resentment with all his might, because once that gave way he would have so much to answer for.

—

Men would pay money to see Jung Hoseok hesitate, but that was exactly what he was doing now. Another book in your hand (you were reading a bit too much lately, he didn’t like it, it was as if you knew you couldn’t leave physically so you were doing so mentally), and he was stalling himself with interrupting you.

Your rejection cut holes into him, and that’s what he was afraid of when approaching you today. When he was younger he used to be afraid of everything, but after indulging in the horrors of survival and the syndicate, nothing terrified him any more, or so he thought before his heart belonged to you.

“Litt-” he catches himself before he says it too loud, clearing his throat quietly hoping you didn’t hear him. “Y/n?”

He sounds more confident, his more serious persona going up as if that would protect him here. He knew he needed it, any sane person after experiencing his pleasure and pain games would run at the sight of him, and a part of him was getting ready to catch you if you did.

You look at him and it has him crumbling. Something in his chest physically hurts him so bad he thinks he needs to go see a specialist, one glance from you and he’s ready to beg on his knees again for your forgiveness. The distance between you, although you were here in front of him, killed him. It felt eerily similar to what it did when you left, and it confused his brain and body so much.

He had to remind himself every day, you were still here, you still loved them, this was just temporary.

“I-I wasjus- I was just heading to the b-basment,” forget money, men would lay down their lives to see Jung Hoseok stutter and stumble over his words.

You frown in question when he doesn’t continue, but stares at you expectantly, until he realises he hadn’t explained what he wanted.

“For a workout!” He rectifies himself quickly before taking a breath to calm himself, “I wondered if you wanted to join me?”

He mentally pats himself on the back quickly for sounding more put together, but then his nerves start to shake again when you don’t respond immediately. You contemplate it, for too long in his eyes, stretching out the pause until you have the man sweating. Who needs a work out, just piss your girlfriend off and try to spend time with her while she's still mad.

“Yeah, okay,” you nod, finally putting down your book (he should get Jimin to burn them all). “I’ll go get changed.”

The relief and joy that floods Hobi almost makes him pass out, a genuine smile he hasn’t felt on his own face for days bursts through. This was a step in the right direction, you didn’t hate him or you would’ve shut him down. With the amount of hope in his system, he was getting giddy.

—

You wanted some time alone this evening, without them lingering around you, with poor attempts of covering their intentions with busying themselves. As if you couldn’t see Jimin’s imploring stare as he walked past you from the corner of your eyes. Or the way Jin would walk towards you, hesitate and then walk away.

You didn’t say they couldn’t talk to you, you were just on a break. Part of you knows you should seek them out and start civil conversation but that part also knew once you opened the door they would come barging through. An inch would turn into a mile and you would be back where you started.

So now you were busying yourself with the world’s worst chore, just to escape and breathe for a second, laundry. You were sorting through the load at a snail’s pace, knowing when you were done you’d have to endure them again. You’re so embedded in your own thoughts you don’t feel another presence join you.

Arms wrap around you, making you still. His figure almost engulfs you from behind, his nose already finding purchase on your neck as he buries himself against you. You try not to sigh, you were sick of hearing the sound yourself but it was always one of patience.

You understood how hard it was for them to accept your decision for a ‘break’, but all you wanted was some respect for it. And this broke your no touching rule.

“Tae let go,” you say without an ounce of emotion, continuing sorting out the laundry in front of you.

His only reaction to your words is the opposite of course, holding you tighter against him making your heart skip too many beats to count. Your skin sizzled with something akin to longing, a fire he only seemed to ignite when his breath hit your neck.

You don’t give in. You throw the item of clothing in your hand down, both hands on the edge of the basket as you still, standing statue as he tries his hardest to work through your defences. You don’t respond when he nuzzles his nose against where he’s buried, or to the rumble of his chest when he breathes you in deeply. His eyes are closed, you know they are, he’s relishing the moment all he can before you take it away.

He doesn’t feel you respond the way he wants you to, he wants you to melt against him and the urge is so strong but somehow you resist. He whines, the sound so soft near your ears you almost miss it. He tries holding you tighter still, his thumb stroking soft circles on your skin, trying to tempt you to break your resolve. Gentle, almost whisper like kisses are placed on your shoulder as he finally breaks away.

“Are you done?” You say almost coldly as he steps back, picking back up another item of clothing.

You hear him sniff but you don’t let it move you.

“Heaven, please,” he begs, a fist in your top clutching onto you.

That’s when you turn to face him. If he expects to see any softness in your gaze he’s sorely mistaken, it’s not a glare you’re giving him but it’s close enough that it burns. You don’t even flinch when you see tears in his eyes.

“I asked you not to touch me,” you state quietly but your words are firm. “Or that if you did, you asked first.”

He looks down, partly in shame, partly in grief. You can’t stand to see the sight, it makes your heart ache, so you walk away.

—

“Y/n?” Jungkook asks for your attention, biting his lips in worry. “Can I ask you about the book you’re reading?”

The others in the room feel an overwhelming sense of envy when you smile at the maknae. Jimin’s jaw goes slack as you scoot over to let Jungkook sit beside you. Envy was a dangerous thing, how he wanted to pluck the youngest of them out of the seat and take his place, but he hadn’t calmed his emotions down enough yet to approach you properly, and he knew if he did he’d ruin whatever rebuilding the others had done. No, he had to be patient with himself and withdraw, even if that meant physically. He was playing cards with Yoongi and Seokjin, but he places his cards down and leaves.

Jin’s pout overtakes his face when he turns away from the sight of Jungkook grinning while you talk animatedly, putting down a card without thinking and letting Yoongi take the win this round. Yoongi didn’t even notice, his gaze goes soft at the way you laugh at a teasing comment Jungkook made, a sound he hasn’t heard in what felt like forever. The sound even makes the corners of Jin’s pout pull up.

The youngest of the group honestly thought he was in paradise, he didn’t even care about the book he just wanted to hear you talk without reservation. His focus was on the way your eyes lit up, the genuine smile on your face, how does he try to make this moment last forever? He pays attention to every word you utter, asking the right question to keep you going, even making a joke here and there and feeling so pleased with himself when you laugh.

How did the relationship regress back so far that he felt like this was the start of it, like he was still pursuing you to give him a chance, like he had to work up the courage to ask you out all over again. The answer of course was in their mistakes, the thought dampens his mood but he pushes it away. He didn’t know when he would get another moment like this, he had to soak it all in and cherish it before it was over.

—

Your defences go up when you spot Jimin bringing Taehyung to you, the shorter male holding his hand guiding your bear like boyfriend in front of you. You look at them both expectantly, wondering what the theatrics were for. Taehyung sniffles, his face hanging low, his red hoodie pulled down as far as he can get it to hide himself.

“Taehyung has something he wants to say Heaven- I mean angel- I mean Y/n,” he corrects himself repeatedly with a shake of his head, cheeks burning in slight embarrassment at the blunder, but he wouldn’t apologise for it even it that made him a hypocrite for what he was making Taehyung do.

He pushes his friend gently, encouraging him to speak.

“Tae?” you say gently, remembering how harshly you spoke to him the other day.

Apparently that was all it took for the man to break down into tears in front of you, falling to his knees as he bawled. Your jaw drops in shock at the action, but you’re more surprised at the fact he holds himself back from launching into you for comfort.

You can see how hard it is to do so, he’s hugging himself, but his nails dig into the fabric of his clothes. He still doesn’t look at you, his gaze on the floor. You give him a second to compose himself, the sobs turning into little hiccups as he wipes his face with his sleeve.

When he looks at you it's your turn to grip the armrests of the chair with all your might, those glassy eyes beg you for love and it takes everything not to smother him in your embrace. But that would undo all the work you’ve been doing, you had to talk it out first and then maybe if this was resolved you could reward him with physical affection, just a little.

“I-I’m sorry,” he says through a hoarse voice, the sound only breaking your resolve further. “About the other day, I s-should’ve asked first.”

He tries to take a deep breath in but it’s shaky, for some reason what he wants to say next breaks him out into more tears. He covers his face as he cries, Jimin rubbing his back providing him with the comfort you couldn’t give just yet.

“Doyouhateme?”

The muffled question breaks your heart, Jimin can see it on your face and it has him fighting down a smirk. He may have played a hand at manipulating the situation, convincing Taehyung this was the best way to get back into your good books.

“Tae no,” you breathe, eyes watering but you blink back the tears. You didn’t want to show them any weakness anymore. “I don’t hate you.”

You sigh, eyes to the ceiling, as if begging for control over yourself as you try really hard to not give in to the feeling of wanting to crawl into his lap and hold him.

“I just really needed some space that day,” you explain, “and you caught me at a bad time.”

That wipes away Jimin’s elation, all this talk about space and distance, it already felt like you were living on Mars. How much space did you want? In his opinion there had been too much space, that was the problem, or were you forgetting the long agonising months of your absence?

Taehyung nods, thankfully retaining your attention away from Jimin who couldn’t hide his thoughts from his face.

—

You can’t sleep, tossing and turning from your side to your back and then to your side again. Were you fighting a losing battle? Were you being unfair in asking them to change? You remember cases of forgotten wives refusing to leave their no good husbands, the amount of inane times you heard the cries of ‘I can get him to change’... had you become one of those women? Then of course came the others, the women who knew they could not work miracles on their partners and gave up. Some left, some stayed, and you remember watching them all in the years of your career, arrogantly thinking it would never be you, no man would ever trap you like this. There was a joke in there somewhere, one man certainly didn’t, but seven did.

The knock on the door thankfully interrupts your endless circle of pity, a meek Jungkook peeking around as he opens the door. Something about the scene felt familiar but the shoe was on the other foot. He was waiting for permission to come in, you don’t know why the sight made you smile, made you warm.

If anyone was proof that they were trying for you it was Jungkook, Yoongi had kept his distance out of respect for your rules, you know he only did so because he couldn’t help himself if he got too close. Jimin was similar although, you could see he was keeping his distance mentally, angry with you and your conditions. It would pass, you were sure, or at least you hoped.

Jungkook was the only one that accepted everything without complaint, and you knew it wasn’t easy. You were so grateful to him for it, for respecting your boundaries sincerely, for giving you hope that this relationship could be salvaged.

He almost trips over himself when you pull the covers back wordlessly, inviting him in, the stumble of his legs as he races towards you makes you giggle. He climbs in without hesitation, about to reach out for you but he stops himself, eyes looking up at you, wanting to ask you out loud but too afraid to.

“It’s okay,” you reassure him quietly, as if talking loudly would break the peace you felt with him there, that you’d second guess yourself.

Arms you’ve longed for wrap around your waist, pulling you towards him. You hold him back gently, not letting yourself get lost in him the way you wanted. In the darkness, your gazes meet, talking loudly in a way filled the silence.

“I’ve missed you,” he breathes out hard, unable to hold it in any longer.

“I’ve missed you too,” you admit.

He bites his lips to refrain from saying anything else, to break the illusion that everything was okay.

“I used to think I understood your darkness,” you murmur, stroking his hair out of his face.

He pulls you closer, burying his head against your chest, the youngest didn’t like how that sentence was going and part of him didn’t want to hear the rest.

“But I don’t think I ever did,” you confess in a whisper, starting to ramble. “I don’t get it Kookie, why me? This obsession, I thought I felt it the same as you, I thought you guys understood me too.”

You let out a shaky breath, trying to keep up with your thoughts when you felt the hands of sleep trying to catch you.

“Maybe I was just trying to excuse my own darkness,” you sigh, almost in defeat. “Or maybe I just fed yours too much.”

“You gave us your love,” he mumbles against your skin, eyes closed as he breathes in your scent. “Your acceptance, you didn’t feed our darkness baby, you just didn’t see the extent of it.”

—

The silence is suffocating. Yoongi normally appreciates it but in this situation it was unsettling. They’re all in the living room, some pretending to do their own thing, but no one was paying any attention to anything other than you. Yoongi and Namjoon did so blatantly, Yoongi sitting on the couch away from you but his stare is nowhere else. This didn’t break the rules, you didn’t tell him he couldn’t soak you in with his eyes whenever he wanted.

The others were also very obvious with their glances towards you, Jin was dusting the same spot of the living room over and over. Hoseok flipping through the tv channels with Jungkook sitting beside him, the maknae biting his lips in worry with every peek he took, a habit he hadn’t had since he was a teenager. Taehyung and Jimin uncharacteristically played chess but all the pieces were in the wrong places, arbitrarily moving them just to keep appearances so you didn’t call them out.

And Namjoon… the man was staring daggers into your form. Elbow on his thigh, leaning forward, his chin on his thumb, his finger on his face tapping away on his cheekbone impatiently. He was supposed to be going over the papers in his lap, but they were being scrunched in his other hand. Yoongi thought he looked like a bomb about to explode, and he wasn’t wrong.

“That’s it!” Namjoon almost growls as he slams his file down, standing from his seat while everyone stares in shock at his outburst.

He walks towards you, and you meet his glare but refuse to move from the comfort and safety of the tub chair, you don’t even close your book.

“This ‘break’ is over,” he snarls, gestating with his hands trying to find a conduit for his anger. “Do you understand, little love?”

You look up at him with eyes simmering a fire he only ignited, meeting his glare head on.

“I decide when this break is over,” you say calmly, refusing to fight him at his level.

“No.”

“No?” Your brows scrunch in disbelief and anger, there goes your plan to remain calm. “What do you mean ‘no’?”

You throw your book back into the seat as you rise to meet him eye to eye, although he’s still looking down at you.

“I mean…” he breathes gruffly, grazing his hand with yours at your side. “No.”

“You can’t b-“

Your voice is smothered by his lips, his soft touch turning into an iron grip as he pulls you closer, devouring you like a man starved and in his eyes that’s exactly what he was. You push him away, but he doesn’t allow for any space between you.

Even when you’re banging your fist against his chest, unable to breathe, he doesn’t budge. You’re at his mercy, only when he decides he’s had enough (for now), does he pull away.

You look dishevelled almost, breathing hard, your eyes glistening with tears. The sight shouldn’t arouse him but it does.

You have the audacity to childishly wipe his kiss away with the back of your hand, a tough swipe that does nothing to erase the force he handled you with. He chuckles, the sound makes your ears burn, feeling the warmth of shame colour them in.

The others stare with the jaws wide open, fear settling in that this was taking too many steps in the wrong direction. It takes everything not to call you back when you storm away, it takes everything not to follow.

No one says a word, but they all glare accusingly at their leader except Taehyung, who only looks down in shame.

—

“Where do you think you’re going?” Yoongi asks gruffly, sleep still in his voice.

“Out.” You respond bluntly, avoiding his gaze.

“I asked where,” he pushes when you pull Taehyung’s hoodie over your head. You were drowning in the fabric, and he pretended the sight didn’t make him ache for you. The same way you were trying so hard not to let his sleepy state bring down your defences, no matter how cute he looked in the shorts and grey top.

“What does it look like Yoongi,” your head was spinning with too many thoughts and you needed to clear it. “For a run.”

“I’ll come with you,” he says it like an offer but it’s not, you know it’s not.

“No,” you refuse simply, finally meeting his stare. “Send one of your men to keep an eye on me, it's what you did before anyway.”

He’s quiet, observing you for a moment. You hated it when he did that, it was like he could see inside of you and yet, despite that, you felt like he couldn’t understand anything he saw. You break eye contact first, putting on your trainers while he continues to stare. Why couldn’t you read him the same, how could he still get under your skin with his silence even after all this time?

“I’ll send Jungkook,” he says as you open the door. “He’ll keep his distance.”

He doesn’t take the slam as you leave personally, he knows you just need to vent your frustrations, but because you were so isolated- sorry, because they isolated you, you had no one to vent to, no one who was objective to talk to. Physically stretching your mind would maybe do you some good.

“Did you seriously let her go out unsupervised?” Namjoon seethes as he approaches Yoongi, quick to dial one of their men regardless of what nefarious time of the morning it was. The first call goes to voicemail.

Yoongi sighs, he was on his way back to bed, guess not.

“She deserves our trust,” he replies. “And I was about to send Jungkook.”

“It’s not about trust,” Namjoon bites back, another call unanswered, “it’s about safety, or are you forgetting our enemies hunt our weaknesses.”

“Our enemies know if they touch her they’ve signed their own death certificate, no one would dare cross us now, not with the amount of blood we’ve shed,” Yoongi groans in aggravation. “Not to mention you’ve bought out the police Namjoon.”

“But not every policeman, or Captain, or are you forgetting what we did to him?”

“You gave him a warning, he’ll behave,” Yoongi states, ready to leave the conversation but he can’t help himself with what he says next. After Namjoon’s actions last night, he was feeling a little vengeful, even if he didn’t completely mean his words. “We should’ve left him unharmed, we knew she didn’t want us to hurt him.”

The shock in Namjoon’s eyes flashes for a second before they compose themselves to a stare. He puts his phone back in his pocket, maybe Jungkook was the best one to go, you didn’t seem to punish him as harshly as the others.

The silence between the men turns the air cold, their gazes stoic but speaking volumes. Namjoon wouldn’t stand for mutiny or disloyalty, he especially didn’t stand for anyone questioning his decisions.

“He hurt her,” he explains himself patiently, “he wants to take her away from us.”

Yoongi scoffs, a humourless grin on his face as he stares back in ridicule at their leader.

“We hurt her,” he states, eyes blank of emotion, “where’s our bullet to the knees.”

—

If you were being honest with yourself, you hated running, you hated the way each breath burned as it filled your lungs, how each limb could feel like lead, but the pain was better than the thoughts you were trying to clear.

You remember at the police academy, Suho and Kai used to run circles around you, but somewhere along the way your competitiveness got the better of you, and you trained harder than them both. It used to annoy you to hell that they were physically much stronger than you, but those days were some of the best. The three of you were so close, each other’s confidants when things went sour, the two you’d hang out with when a case went wrong. Now who did you have to confide in?

Maybe it’s your conscious or unconscious thoughts making your legs move in a particular direction, but you don’t realise where you’re headed until you see the sign above the door. The breakfast place… where everything went to shit a third time.

You barely glance inside as you run past but the sight of someone familiar makes you double take. Think of the devil and he appears?

His eyes catch yours when you stop in your tracks, he’s sitting at a table alone and the sight of him brings back that day like a breath after being underwater for so long. An apology is at the tip of your tongue, your eyes start to water, you know you have to keep running, if any of them finds you here with him, he’d be dead. You’re about to turn away when he waves at you, a simple smile that didn’t meet his eyes sent your way as he watches the realisation hit you.

His hand was covered in thick bandages, and your stare doesn’t leave them. There’s no thought in your mind as your legs move you into the building, ignoring the waiter's greeting as you walk towards your old Captain with dread.

He shifts in his seat, letting you see the bandages on his leg, around his knee, the crutches resting on the seat next to him. Your eyes are wide with shock before your gaze turns into one of mournful rage. Tears start forming in your eyes as you shake.

The sense of betrayal that overwhelms you has you reaching a hand for the table, gripping the edge tight to steady yourself.

They lied.

They looked you in the eyes and lied. All of them, including Jungkook. You don’t let yourself sob, not when a fire burns any attachment you felt towards them to dust.

You move your gaze from his injuries to his face, his stare never having left you.

“Arrest them,” your voice is hoarse but without a morsel of regret, anger paving the way forward now, filling the loss you felt deep inside of you.

They must’ve thought you were fucking stupid, they must’ve laughed behind your back, humoring you with their acts of trying to change. Fuck, you were a fool, they played you again and again and you just took it every fucking time. There was never going to be any change, and you refused to be their prisoner any longer.

“I’ll be your witness,” you say it with conviction, although a part of you grieves. “I’ll give you all the evidence you need, just send them away.”

Suho doesn’t say a word, and that makes it all so much worse. You can feel something creeping around you, shadows of them that have latched onto you, crawling all over your skin. You wanted rid of this dark energy, you wanted out.

You don’t break his stare, not for a second, you can tell he’s deep in thought, contemplating your resolve, and if he saw a hint of uncertainty in you he would do no such thing. Why would he risk it? They hurt him, they could hurt him again.

He reaches for his phone, and you take a premature breath of relief.

“Make the call,” he commands, handing the device to you.

—

When Yoongi dragged Jungkook out of bed this morning, the maknae had begrudgingly crawled out of the house. His body ran on autopilot when he left to find you, eyes half open, yawning in the morning air. His hoodie pushes his hair to fall in his face but he’s too tired to drag the fabric back.

It wouldn’t take long to find you, he could run circles around you if he wanted but the thought of maybe spending some time with you alone made his legs pick up the pace, a goofy grin on his face as he thought about it.

Yes you were probably mad about Namjoon’s actions yesterday, not that Jungkook blamed him all that much, it was hard to stay away from you, but he was starting to understand your perspective a little more. Especially after the last time you pulled away, and he couldn’t let that happen again, he wouldn’t survive it another time. He wouldn’t blame you if you gave him the cold shoulder, he just hopes you don’t punish him because of Namjoon, deflecting your anger wherever it did damage.

He’d calm you down, he’s sure of it. He’d tell you that what their big bad boss did was wrong and he was on your side, he’d tell you that he loved you and respected you, and it didn’t matter how long you took to forgive them he was sure the relationship would heal.

He’s so lost in thought he doesn’t realise how far he’s travelled, it’s only when there’s still no sight of you his grin begins to fade. He should’ve caught up to you by now, this was the route you normally take, and you knew better than to go another way.

What if… no. You wouldn’t dare leave again, you wouldn’t. Jungkook breaks into a sprint, running every route he can think of, not stopping for a moment even when his lungs and legs burn. He’s looking round like a mad man, but he can’t find you. What if something happened? What if someone got to you or hurt you? Memories flash in his mind to long, long ago when that was almost the case. What if?

Shit. A hand to his pocket tells him he’s left his phone, he couldn’t contact the others to join him. His best decision was to get back to the house asap. Jin would still have the tracker on your phone, they would find you, it was all going to be fine.

The fear that seized his heart was not fooled by such idealistic thoughts, his eyes had seen the true brutality of the world, sometimes caused by his own hands, and now his mind played a myriad of images of his little love in all the situations of pain he caused others. He always wondered if karma would catch him one day, he never thought it would take you.

—

He slams the door open so hard it struggles to stay on the hinges.

“I CAN’T FIND HER!” He yells into the open space of the home with all the air in his lungs.

It doesn’t take long for the hoard to assemble.

“What do you mean you can’t find her?” Jin yells back, reaching for his phone to track you without prompt.

Jungkook doesn’t miss the way Namjoon glares at Yoongi, the shorter man ignoring him.

“She’s probably taken another route,” he says calmly.

“You better hope that’s all,” Namjoon says through gritted teeth.

“What if someone’s got her?” Jimin panics.

“No,” Hoseok shuts that idea down, “everyone knows there is nowhere in Seoul to hide from us.”

“There’s always one idiot that’s willing to try, or have you forgotten the last time someone tried to take her?” Taehyung says heatedly.

“And we know how that ended,” Hoseok growls back.

The bickering among themselves grows in volume, so loud that they almost miss what Jin says.

“What?” It’s Yoongi that dares to ask him to repeat himself, the drumming in his ears drowning the words. He must’ve misheard…

“She’s at the police station,” there’s no mistaking it this time. Jin looks solemnly at Namjoon while all their heads spiral.

“She’s not gone there of her own will,” Yoongi shakes his head in denial, “they’ve arrested her or something.”

Namjoon says eerily quiet, his breathing hard, his jaw clenched.

“Namjoon we own the police,” Hoseok pushes, “make a fucking call see why she’s there.”

“Fuck making a call! I’m going over there,” Jungkook announces, turning back to the front door, but the sight of a police van pulling up at their mansion makes him stop in his tracks.

“Are they dropping her home,” Jimin asks stupidly, unable to comprehend why else they would be there.

The older four men look at eachother knowingly.

“Should we run?” Jin asks, making Taehyung and Jimin whip their heads to stare at him incredulously.

“Why would we run?” Namjoon breaks his silence, “they’ll take us right to her.”

As if on queue a smoke grenade rolls into the room, blasting off within seconds, covering the air. Namjoon almost laughs, they sent the fucking swat team, how ridiculous when they could’ve settled this like gentlemen.

Bodies swarm in, yelling commands and they all fall to their knees as instructed. On any other day, if you were home, these men wouldn’t make it through the door, but Namjoon was right, they were a one way ticket to finding you.

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joheunsaram · 2 years

Text

platonically invincible (ksj)

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summary- after your breakup you confide in Seokjin

word count- 1.1k

pairing- fwb!Seokjin x Reader

rating- PG-15

genre- fwb2lovers, idiots in love, fluff, hurt comfort

warnings- none

a.n.- A result of me watching seokjin comfort edits. This is a look into their friendship before they were friends with benefits! I hope you enjoy 💕

A special shout-out to my forever Dr Kim enthusiast @raplinesmoon and to @dionysusrage to beta reading this so quickly!!

As always reblogs, asks, and feedback appreciated 💌

You could feel the crowd pulsing around you, the music pounding through your ears turning the haze into a kaleidoscope of hues. The alcohol in your veins exacerbated the feeling, turning into the wave of your hips as you swayed next to your friends. You didn’t realize how much you needed this night – a time where you could forget the heartbreak, forget wanting to be more mature. Who needs to be mature? Mature didn’t lead to fun, it led to boring pantsuits in a class full of colorful ensembles, it led to ghosting your friends to add another point to your overall score, it led to nights home alone doing laundry.

You liked this better. You liked this meaningless grinding against Jimin as he winked at a girl next to you. You liked taking too many shots with Jungkook as he droned about his new obsession. You liked being babied by Yoongi and his girlfriend as they led you back to the booth and ordered fries. This was fun. This was supposed to be fun.

But with your cheeks rudding from the soju bombs and the world spinning, listening to your friends loudly laugh at jokes you didn’t catch and watching them flirt with people they had found for the night didn’t seem so fun anymore. Suddenly everything wasn’t bright and wonderful, it seemed dark and depressing. It reminded you that when you usually had someone to whisper and cuddle with, there was now no one who noticed that you were quietly staring at your cup. In a blink of an eye, everything was exhausting.

“Hey, you okay?”

Your best friend’s voice broke through the crowd, his hand on the back of your neck grounding you as you blinked up at him. You hadn’t noticed that he had abandoned the girl he was dancing with on the dance floor, hadn’t noticed that he was sitting next to you. And somehow with his kind smile puffing up his cheeks, it didn’t seem so dark anymore.

The lights of the club reflected on his face, turning it from blue to pink to green, turning his white shirt into a vibrant neon. He looked a little ridiculous, his dark hair disheveled with sweat matting it to his forehead, and a giggle escaped you.

“Hi Jinnie,” you smiled and Seokjin couldn’t help returning it, hand slowly running up and down your back.

“Hi giggly,” he retorted, endeared, before ruffling your hair. Usually you hated when he did that but the warmth from him noticing you when no one else did made you forget. Instead you hugged him, clinging on as his arms wrapped around you. If there was anyone in the world who knew you the best, it was Seokjin. You couldn’t help but be giddy that he was in your life. Out of all the people in the world that rejected you for your quirks, Seokjin shared them with you, and in that moment you had trouble describing just how happy you felt to soak in the cologne he had been using since middle school. It smelt like home.

“Wanna call it a night?” he asked against your hair and it felt like he could read your mind, somehow instinctively knowing that you wanted to just go to bed. You nodded with a grin, still clinging on as he guided you into a rideshare and took you home. Like usual you sat on your counter as you shared a bowl of ramen, the salt sobering you up just enough to let him into a secret you had been carrying around for months.

“Am I mature or am I fun?” you asked Seokjin as he inhaled the last of the noodles, his loud slurps spraying the broth in tiny specks over his pristine shirt. He paused for a while, chewing as he thought out his answer, brow furrowed with a frown.

“You’re both?” he replied, tone lifting at the end hesitantly.

“Am I wife material?” you questioned, needing a more concrete answer to stow away your insecurities, his confusion making them flair up again dangerously. But Seokjin was quick to quash them with his confidence.

“I’ve tasted your carbonara. I’d marry you on the spot. Call the officiant!” he joked with a flair, somehow making you laugh despite being on the edge of tears. “Thousand percent wifey material!” he declared.

“Damn right!” you echoed, suddenly overwhelmed as your tears finally broke through your defenses, turning into rivulets down your cheeks. You tried to mask it with a laugh but hiding from Seokjin was impossible and soon you were sobbing in his arms recalling the last words your ex had spoken to you, how he had belittled your four year relationship to casual sex and reminded you that marrying you would be unfathomable.

“Hongbin’s a fucking idiot, you know that right?” Seokjin interjected between your sniffles, cupping your face tightly, conviction turning his eyes ablaze. “You are remarkable. You are fucking invincible. If he couldn’t see that in the first second he met you, he is the biggest idiot on the planet.”

Seokjin didn’t often speak in hyperboles, always boasting himself as a man of science and facts, so it helped fill in your cracks a little hearing his high praise. Seokjin wouldn’t lie to you, and if he thought you were invincible, you would believe him. Hongbin couldn’t break you. No one could. Because you were invincible.

“Thank you,” you whispered, wiping your face and sitting up straighter, the counter you were sitting on helping you face Seokjin instead of looking up at him as usual. It helped you see the soft smile bloom on his face. It helped him reach out and easily help you wipe your tears with the paper towels behind you.

“Now don’t cry over him,” he said, wrapping his arms around your head to pull you into another hug. “He doesn’t deserve my best friend’s tears, that piece of shit.”

The anger wrapping around his syllables made you laugh, your own arms wrapping around him. Seokjin was right. Hongbin could burn in hell for all you cared. You told Seokjin as much and he rewarded your comment with your favorite laugh, the one that started low in his chest and turned into little squeaks as he lost himself. He hugged you tighter.

“Damn right! My best friend’s too good for mediocre assholes.”

It was strange. Seokjin didn’t stay too long after, but even as you replied to his text informing you he reached home, you couldn’t stop smiling, feeling lighter than you had for weeks. You wouldn’t cry anymore. Not over anyone. Because you were invincible.

Seokjin said so himself.

taglist: @kithtaehyung , @missgeniality, @aroseforyoongi , @awhnamjoon , @codeinebelle , @sugakookitty , @ressjeon , @lavienjin @abyssaeri @raplinesmoon @jcsmae @aislinnstanaka @firesighgirl @pb-n-juju @yoon2k

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I hope you enjoyed this! For more fics of mine check out my masterlist

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ahundredtimesover · 2 years

Text

The Light of Dead Stars (05) | KSJ

Pairing: Seokjin x (f.) Reader; side Seokjin x (f.) OC; side Reader x Namjoon

Genre/Tags: arranged marriage, fake romance, boss/workmate aus; angst, drama, fluff, smut; slow burn

Chapter Warnings: Foul language, alcohol consumption; deceit; talks of past toxic relationships (infidelity, emotional abuse); Jin gets a kitchen injury, mentions of blood (18+)

Chapter Word count: 10.6k

Series Masterlist | Muse Moodboard | Setting Moodboard

Status: Complete

A/N: It’s their last few days in France, the last chapter before things get even messier. Thank you to those who’ve been tuning in! I hope the complications and emotional roller coaster will be worth it.

You wake up the morning after the wedding feeling like you’ve woken up from a really good dream. The messages of your family and best friends complimenting how good you looked and that you and Jin really looked like a couple - but not without the occasional snide remark - remind you that last night really did happen - you wore a stunning dress, ate the most delicious things you’ve ever had, danced to Park Hyo Shin’s angelic voice, and shared a kiss with your husband like you both meant it.

Everything was amazing except for that last part, really, not so much because you didn’t like it but exactly for how much you did. And now you’re trying to recall how it was before you cared this much, before you decided you liked his attention, before you realized you liked having him close, and you’ll go back to being that person.

You’ll do what you used to do and not let them mean much. This is where you’re good at - convincing yourself that everything is okay. It’s how you cope and ironically, how you choose yourself. Otherwise, it’s just gonna be a heartbreak that you’ll have a hard time getting over, and you don’t know if there’ll be another person through and at the end of it all, reminding you that you’re still someone that another one could love.

You shake away all the thoughts. It’s a new day, and you’ll just savor the remaining week you have left in this beautiful country.

Turning to your side, you’re surprised that Jin is still asleep. He’s breathing deeply, looking peaceful and handsome as always, and you can only imagine just how tired he is for not being up early as usual. He doesn’t flinch even when you get off the bed and not-so-quietly fix up to head to the kitchen.

There are still some leftovers on the counter, and you initially planned on just having them for dinner when Geonhoo and Ji-hoo arrive with their mom, whining for some pancakes.

“I’m not good at making those. Maybe someone here knows how,” Sejeong says.

“Oh, I do!” You offer. “I love making pancakes. What do you two angels want?”

“Nutella!”

“Chocolates!”

“Strawberry!”

“Peanut butter!”

The little ones yell more things and Sejeong tries to control them and say you can only make them one type. They pout at you and you laugh at how they know exactly to get what they want.

“Okay, what about a platter? I can make different ones and you can choose what you want to eat,” you say.

They nod happily and you get to work. One of the cooks helps out since Jin’s other family members have yet to come down for breakfast, but you say you’ll be the one to make it for the kids and for you and Jin.

You talk with Sejeong while Geonhoo and Ji-hoo interject and ask what ingredient you’re putting or what you’re doing, and you indulge them. You come up with a platter for them with the flavors they asked for - Nutella-filled, buttermilk, chocolate chip, with sides of peanut butter and various types of fruits.

You prepare a less sweet version for you and Jin with his caramel syrup on the side.

“Hmm, smells like a happy morning,” you hear his gruff yet excited voice echo through the small kitchen. “Did you make pancakes?”

“The kids wanted some,” you smile. “And here’s our platter.”

His face lights up and he immediately serves himself then puts some on your plate after. You all decide to eat them outside, as Hyo-seop and Jin’s parents arrive as well.

It’s a fairly laid-back morning, with the weather nice and cool enough to enjoy breakfast on the covered deck. Taehyung and Hyun-a arrive shortly after for a quick meal and a goodbye, as they head to the airport for their South American honeymoon for the next 2 weeks.

You and Jin choose a spot in one of the many areas in the property with a good view to work for the rest of the morning. While you were both advised to completely detach from work, neither of you could, knowing there would be more stress waiting for you back home if you don’t get some things done at least little by little.

“You were so tired last night, huh?” You tell him in between sending one email to reading another. “It took a while for you to wake up.”

“Yeah, it was probably all the effort into making Tae stop crying,” Jin chuckles. “But yeah, at least that’s over, although the one in Seoul would be way more tiring for sure.”

“Ah, well we enjoyed last night, I’m sure we’ll enjoy that, too, just differently,” you say.

Jin merely hums, not wanting to think about the celebration in Seoul, knowing that Seri would be in attendance and he already knows you’re going to be cautious there unlike you are here.

The morning is a breeze, with Jin reminding you of your plans this afternoon. You’re to head to Grasse for another one of your trips to town. Known as the perfume capital, it’s where his parents scheduled you for a perfume-making session that you’re really excited about, choosing not to think about how much they spent for an exclusive tour.

Jin decides to drive this time, and you initially bicker about your terrible navigation skills but he’s an overall chill guy who rarely cracks under pressure - as far as you know, at least - and he manages somehow.

The town isn’t far off so you’re there in no time, surprised to find someone who’ll be guiding you around. She leads you to a cozy restaurant that offers the best delicacies, and you and Jin are in heaven once again. You make your way around little streets and into a museum before heading to the first of three perfumeries.

You’re amused with the perfume-making process, the history of it, and the different scents they come up with. You expected Jin's parents to have pre-purchased you only a perfume or two, considering that they paid for your entire trip, but of course, they had to do more.

You left the first perfumery with a set of 12 different travel perfumes and the second one with a package including hand creams, colognes, and soaps. In the last one, you and Jin chose a base scent and were given complementing perfumes in matching antique bottles with your names engraved on them; you’re told that his grandparents had these made especially for you.

You look at the one given to you in its beautiful box, not wanting to even use or touch it.

“Holy crap, Jin. This is amazing,” you whisper. “I mean, it’s so thoughtful and just so beautiful. Goodness, your family treats me so well.”

“Yeah, well, they like you, that’s why,” he says, as he backs up the car to head up north and see the stunning scenery of a river and some waterfalls before the sun sets.

“They like my parents,” you correct.

“Yeah, exactly. They like that you’re like them - hardworking, intelligent, principled, courteous, warm,” he says. “And I agree.”

“Hmm. What would they think about liar, I wonder.”

“Yah. Let’s not go there. Let’s focus on the good stuff, alright?” He nudges your arm. “I mean, all that’s better than what your family says about me - unfaithful, cheater, no backbone, weak,” Jin chuckles, recalling some of the things that your father had said when your parents found out about Seri that fateful day at your house.

The words stung - they’re his in-laws, he reminds himself - but he wouldn’t argue against them; he knows it’s true. Not the cheater part though, at least, not how they think. He’s definitely unfaithful to your arrangement, that’s for sure, and definitely being unfair to the woman he’s left back home. It may not have been verbalized by either of you to not care about each other but it felt like a given; you’re the one who suggested getting divorced to get out of this, after all. You said it was to supposedly free him from you and he got on with the plan, mostly because he couldn’t figure out another way. And well, he’s dumb, like his brother had said multiple times. So now he’s here - confused, and more lost than ever.

“I’m still sorry about that,” you look at him apologetically. “My dad gets unhinged sometimes.”

“I’d be angry, too, don’t worry. You deserve more than what you’re getting from me,” he says; his voice is quite somber and it’s unfamiliar to you.

“I beg to differ,” you respond. “You’re treating me much better than anyone ever has, and that says a lot.”

“Right, I forgot your standards in men are so low,” he jokes.

“Correction - my standards in people. You experience the worst sometimes and so the bare minimum becomes like a gift to you,” you say, sullenly this time.

Jin doesn’t say anything; he just lets the wind from the open window serve as your background as he slows down to the viewing point. He doesn’t know how badly you had it, but for you to say what you did, he can’t imagine what you went through.

The view of the waterfalls and canyons of Gorges du Loup is breathtaking. If you were a little more adventurous, you’d do all the fun stuff like Jin suggested, but shopping in markets and eating in as many restaurants as you can are always your priorities and his, too, so you both stick to just marveling at the views and taking photos for keeps.

The drive back is surprisingly quiet, as you both engage in occasional small conversations that die down but neither of you seem to care. Your mind is busy being at peace, and with how the week has been, that’s quite a reprieve.

Jin pulls into the driveway and helps you with your things, instructing Emile to leave them on the table outside your bedroom. You both head to the living room where the rest of his family are, who are excited to see you back.

“Darlings, did you enjoy our little surprise?” His grandmother asks, hugging you both.

“Little? Grandmother, that was too special to just be little. ___ here almost had a heart attack,” Jin chuckles, sitting on the couch and wrestling with Geonhoo and Ji-hoo.

Your cheeks heat up when his parents and his grandparents laugh.

“Ah, get used to it,” Sejeong says. “My family likes to spend their money like that.”

You internally laugh at her bluntness but no one seems to be offended. You suppose that his family acknowledges their wealth and accepts what comes with it, including jokes and digs even from their own.

“Oh, darling. That’s nothing,” his grandmother resumes. “It’s the least we could do, but I hope you don’t think we’re buying you or anything. I owe my life to your father, and I’ll never forget what he’s done for my family. I’m just glad I get to welcome you into ours and make you feel like you belong, because you do.”

There’s only kindness in her eyes, and from what you know of their family, they’re kinder to strangers than they are to their own relatives, and you suppose that makes sense. Your father worked for the company for years and only resigned to protect your family; he’s said mostly good things about them.

Which again, makes it all the worse for you. You nod and profusely thank them again, saying that you want to save the perfumes for special occasions only, prompting them to say they’ll keep organizing events so you could use them.

“Anyway, what’s for dinner?” Jin asks.

“We got really good pork from the market, maybe we’ll have them baked,” his mother replies. “Is there anything else you want?”

“Hmm, I’m actually thinking of making kalguksu,” Jin says. “I’m in the mood for noodles and that’s ___’s favorite.”

“Oh, wonderful,” she chirps. “I miss you making that for us!”

“You good with that?” He asks you, and you nod excitedly. He’s only made that for you once and he was drunk.

“Is Uncle Jjan cooking?!” Ji-hoo asks. “I want to watch!”

Jin nods and takes her hand; Geonhoo follows and takes yours. Both kids are seated on the bar stools while you stand next to your husband as he makes the food. You prep the clams while he starts slicing the vegetables, making enough for the whole family because he knows that the little ones like their soup and vegetables, too.

You’re walking towards the fridge when you lose your balance and almost slip, yelping in fear and then sighing in relief after almost knocking one of the expensive-looking bowls off the counter. Just then, Geonhoo starts yelling.

“Blood, Uncle Jjan, blood!”

“What? Where?” Jin turns to you, worried if you scratched yourself or something.

“On your hand!” Ji-hoo cries. “Uncle Jjan, don’t die!”

That’s when Jin looks at his finger and realizes that it hurts. He cut himself after being preoccupied by you, thinking that you’d hurt yourself earlier and that’s why your scream distracted him.

You run to him immediately, pulling his hand under running water and calling Emile to get the first aid kit, while also telling the kids that their Uncle Jjan isn’t gonna die.

Jin only winces as the water hits the shallow cut of his fingertip.

“Ah, it’s not that bad, it’s just a graze I think,” he says.

“It’s not deep but it’s not just a graze, Jin. What were you thinking? You slice vegetables all the time,” you reprimand him.

“I don’t know, ask the knife that cut me, ___,” he says sarcastically.

“Then what was your finger doing there!” You bite back, putting ointment and a bandaid and then putting a glove over his hand.

“This is your fault. You had to scream and I got distracted.”

“I almost broke your expensive bowl!”

“___, no one would care,” he deadpans.

“I would!” You exclaim, face ridden with panic.

He internally gushes at how disturbed you seem. “Yah, you’re worried about me, huh?” He smirks.

“I’m worried about my kalguksu, Jin. You teased me and now I want it,” you pout, and if you weren’t so adorable, he’d be fighting you some more.

“I’ll continue this, don’t worry. You’ll get your noodles,” he smiles.

“Are you crazy? No. Sit down. I can make this, just not as good as you,” you say, pushing him to sit on the bar stool. “Just taste the broth for me.”

“Fine, go ahead,” he says, following you.

You get another piece of zucchini and start slicing. Ji-hoo asks Jin if he’s okay and he assures her that it’s just a small cut and it will go away tomorrow.

“Then ask Auntie ___ to kiss it so it goes away now!” She demands. “Daddy kisses Mommy’s lips when she says it hurts and then she becomes okay again!”

You and Jin laugh at Sejeong’s moves, knowing it’s something to tease her with.

“Do it, Auntie! Kiss Uncle Jjan’s finger!” Geonhoo urges you this time.

You turn to Jin who’s smiling with his squishy bread cheeks on display and his gloved finger now in front of your face.

“You’re so annoying,” you mumble, kissing his finger, prompting the little ones to clap.

“Gosh, kids these days,” you chuckle.

“They know what’s up,” Jin follows. “But hey, it feels better now,” he winks.

You continue on with the noodles, engaging the little rascals with you so they won’t ask you to do any more embarrassing things with your husband. Jin tastes and teases you to keep feeding him until everything is prepared.

Dinner takes place; the soup is delicious and the roasted pork is divine. You also enjoy some pies from a nearby bakery for dessert.

You’re now seated on your balcony with a cup of tea, marveling at the night sky. It’s particularly bright today, with the full moon looking beautiful as it shines over the hills. It’s one of your favorite things to do, reminding you that whoever it is you’re missing, they’re not always too far away.

“The sky’s pretty tonight,” Jin says, sitting next to you as he looks up.

“It’s been pretty every night,” you say. “The moon’s just brighter and there are more stars out. I like gazing at it.”

“I know. You’ve been doing it every night before you go to bed.”

You hum. Of course he’d notice.

“Namjoon, uh…”

“The guy you’re waiting for?”

You turn to him with a nod, wondering how he guessed.

“Aside from Jimin and Jungkook, you’ve never mentioned any other guy’s names, and I know those two are your best friends,” Jin clarifies.

“Right, uh. Namjoon’s my best friend, too. But it’s different since I actually like him.”

Like. Jin overthinks the word. It seems more, but it isn’t love, is it?

“He and I would go to the Mangwon Hangang Park when the sky was bright and just watch the stars,” you recall. “When we were in college and I was having a hard time, he would always say that looking at the sky should remind me that my struggles can never be bigger than the universe, and I was always going to surpass whatever it was I was going through.”

“A wise man,” Jin notes.

“He is,” you smile. “And I did, I surpassed them, and he helped a lot, you know? It almost felt like he was my night sky because he always made me feel better, only to realize that he could make me feel that way because his dreams were bigger than us.”

It was a winter night, and you remember it clearly, because that was also the night he said goodbye.

“Before he left, he told me to look at the sky whenever I’m missing him because we’d always be looking at the same one and that should give me comfort.”

“Does it?” Jin asks, choosing not to dwell on the thought that you miss the man every night.

“Most nights,” you nod. “I haven’t seen him for 2 years since he’s always traveling.”

“What about now?”

“Somehow. He’s in France, actually. He took the train from Italy when he found out I was here.”

Oh.

“Does he know about us?” Jin wonders, curious as to how honest you are to the man you want about the man you’re living with.

“Yeah, about everything, actually. We write to each other. He’s quite romantic that way; he wants me to see his handwriting because somehow that has meaning in it, too,” you share. “I wrote to him when my parents told me about the arrangement, and writing it all then clarified things for me, you know? That's why I decided to do it. I wrote about you and Seri, too, and then my parents finding out, my brother being upset with me… and again, things just made more sense when I wrote them, which I never would’ve done if he and I didn't send each other letters.”

Jin nods, appeased that you had someone like Namjoon to talk with about all that you were going through, which he only really knows a fraction of. But this man is in the same country as you, only miles away and within reach after how many years. Jin wonders if something’s changed for you since coming here, and if it’s something you’re going to tell Namjoon.

“Are you going to see him?”

“Can I?” You turn to Jin, and he sees the longing in your eyes that’s both soft and sad at the same time.

“Why are you asking permission? Of course, you can.”

“Would you come to Cannes with me? He’s there right now. Your family might suspect me if I go by myself.”

“Alright, I’ll be your alibi, then,” Jin smiles.

It’s sincere. He sees how much the man means to you, and you’ve been apart for so long.

“Thank you,” you say, placing your hand on top of his. “This means a lot to me.”

Jin finds a parking spot near one of the buildings. He turns to you who’s looking visibly nervous. You were quiet this morning, merely nibbling your pastries during breakfast, and you barely said anything during the entire ride to Cannes, choosing instead to look at the window.

So many times, he wanted to hold your hand and tell you that it’s gonna be okay, but he didn’t feel like it was the right time. For some reason, he was also scared you were going to turn him away.

So he settles for a nudge on your shoulder and a soft, reassuring smile.

“You’re seeing him after a long time. That’s good, right?”

“Yeah, it should. I just… it’s different seeing his face on a screen and actually seeing it for real, you know? And being able to touch him, hold him… I… don’t want him to be disappointed,” you mumble.

“And why would he be?”

“I’ve changed a lot since the last time he saw me. I don’t know if he’ll notice.”

Jin can try to come up with a dozen possible meanings to your words but he supposes he wouldn’t know what they mean. You’re an honest and open person, but a lot of times he finds himself not knowing you at all, and this is one of those times. What about you changed that Namjoon would be disappointed in?

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, ___,” he tries to assure. “So you go there and you meet him.”

“Uh, I need you to guide me there, Jin. I can’t even pronounce the name of the cafe.”

“Ah,” he chuckles, warming at the little smile you give him. “Okay.”

You and Jin start walking towards a plaza, with him leading the way. You’re too nervous to pay attention to him, how he’s more distant and quiet, but it’s perhaps just him giving you space.

“It’s the one with the white awning,” he says, motioning to the little cafe. “Do you see him?”

“Not yet, but he said he reserved a table for us outside. I should just give his name.”

“Alright, you can go ahead and I’ll leave when he arrives, okay? And then I’ll stay at a cafe, too, and get some work done. Let me know when you’re finished and I can get you. Take all the time you need, ___.”

“You’ll be okay?”

He answers a beat late, but he nods.

You smile and start walking towards the cafe and Jin watches from afar, wanting to make sure you’re safe, even if you’re a grown woman who knows what she’s doing and who she’s meeting. It’s a husband thing, though, making sure his wife is okay, he reminds himself.

He sees you talk to a server and you’re led to one of the tables. You’re constantly checking your phone, and he notices you’re still nervous. He wants to go over to you and stop you from biting your lip, but you look up before he could make up his mind. You stand up and smile at the man approaching you, one who engulfs you in a tight embrace.

Namjoon is a tall and built man. He’s in a plain shirt and blue jeans, with sun kissed skin and nice, silver-dyed hair. He has his arms secured tightly around your waist while yours are around his neck; neither one of you seems to want to let go.

You finally do, and he kisses your forehead. Your eyes close and a smile tugs at your lips. You look comfortable, safe, happy.

Jin doesn’t know why he’s still standing there, watching you finally take your seat and hold the man’s hand as you both start laughing and talking. There’s a tightening in his chest that he’s never felt before, a completely new experience, as every time you laughed and smiled always made him do the same.

Not today, though. Today, he’s confused. Today, he hates himself. Today, he wishes he was the reason why your eyes crinkle and why your head lolls back; he doesn’t think he’s ever seen you like that.

Apparently, he’s been standing there for quite a while, as it registers to him that you’re waving and asking Namjoon to do the same. You mumble something and the man turns around and waves, his smile worth thousands, he can tell; it’s sweet and comforting. Jin waves and gives a thumbs up. You signal that you’re fine and that you’ll call, and that’s his signal to leave, and he does.

He finds a nice little nook cafe that allows him to read and respond to emails. He sips his hot chocolate, although he wishes it was whiskey instead. He stays there for hours, constantly checking his phone to see if you’ve called or messaged, but you haven’t. He’s never hated waiting like he does now.

Thinking that it would take you the whole afternoon to catch up with Namjoon, Jin exits the cafe after 3 hours. He ponders on going to a nearby market, but thinks you’d hate him if he went without you. He debates if he should go to the luxury stores strip, but decides against it; he’s always enjoyed how you tried to guess the price of the expensive items on display so that is another no.

So he decides to go to a park instead; plain enough, there’s not much you’d miss.

His phone rings, and he almost drops it with how fast he takes it from his pocket, only to see it’s just his grandmother.

He waits for another hour before you call, and so he starts walking to one of the strips that you say you’re waiting at.

“Hey,” you wave. “Sorry I took too long.”

“Oh, not at all,” he responds, walking next to you. “I expected you to be with him until the evening.”

“And what were you supposed to do until then?” You arch an eyebrow.

“Uh, work, I guess? Or go around, too, see what’s out here,” he shrugs.

“You’ll probably just eat and I’ll miss out on it.”

“That, too, but I didn’t want to discover new things and not have you there with me.”

You grin, turning on one of the streets towards a beach, thinking that the ocean would be a nice distraction this late afternoon.

“We just headed to a museum for a quick visit after the cafe. Namjoon has a meeting with an art curator so he had to leave,” you say after a while.

“So he’s an artist?”

“He’s a lot of things,” you chuckle. “He’s an art enthusiast and writes about art events and different pieces. He likes to travel and writes about it, too. He’s been doing online consulting since he took up marketing and finance in college. He can work from anywhere, really, so he’s just been going from one place to another. We were just lucky that he’s a couple of hours-train away and he could see me.”

Jin hums, following your slow pace. “Is he well?”

“He’s happy,” you give a smile, with a tinge of sadness in it, like you’re sad for yourself. “He has his own time, he gets to see many beautiful places and things and that’s what he’s always wanted, you know? Someone as great as him deserves that kind of peace, that kind of happiness.”

“And where does that leave you?” Jin asks, hoping it doesn’t come out as too harsh, or even too intrusive.

“Where I’ve been the past years, really,” you chuckle, feeling the irony of it all - seeing the man you’ve been waiting on, thousands of miles from home, and turning him down when he asked you to run away with him.

“Namjoon was supposed to take a job in London after college, but he stayed because of me,” you share, taking a seat on one of the benches overlooking the beach now. “He and I met in sophomore year after I broke up with my cheating ex-boyfriend, and Joon really helped me move on, you know? To the point of me liking him but he had a girlfriend that time and so I moved on again with someone else, and then Joon and his girl broke up.”

“Timing sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?” Jin says, as he thinks of his ex-girlfriend, too, and how that relationship ended. It’s a shitty thing that the universe does to people when all they want to do is love and be loved.

“The guy I was with was great at the start. He took me to different places and he was supportive,” you continue. “But then he started getting unnecessarily jealous, keeping me from seeing Namjoon and Jungkook. And then it just kept getting worse, you know? He’d be controlling, angry, lying about where he’d be, threatening when I’d question him, and then he’d be incredibly sweet after a fight, like one time he convinced my boss to allow me to take a short-notice leave and then he flew me to Bali. And I just kept making excuses for him,” you sigh, remembering the feeling of being trapped in your relationship. “I felt like it was all I could do. Because every time I had the courage to leave, he would do something that would make me change my mind.”

Jin turns to you, unsure what to say. There’s a mix of sadness and acceptance on your face at the memory, and he wants to apologize for what you had to go through, but that might feel simplistic. He wants to hold you and tell you that you didn’t deserve any of that, but it might not be the right time, so he lets you continue, knowing that it’s taking a lot for you to share this with him, given that it took a while, too.

“The guys never left my side, especially Namjoon. He wanted to make sure there was someone there when I finally got out, and he didn’t break his promise.”

You take Jin’s hand in yours, knowing he wants to. He’s not a naturally affectionate person but you could feel him wanting to do something to comfort you, and with his fingers constantly grazing your own as they both lay on the bench, you make the move. You can’t deny that you want his comfort, too.

“But he left, didn’t he? He’s been away for years,” Jin says, feeling a bit of anger, even if that would mean you wouldn’t be his wife, and the thought suddenly makes him feel uneasy.

“It felt unfair to make him stay,” you say. “He held out on a lot of things for me, then made sure I was stable at my job, that I wasn’t hating and blaming myself anymore, that I wasn’t untrusting and scared to let people in… and well, I needed to learn to stand on my own two feet, and doing so meant letting him go, so I did.”

“And what did that mean for the both of you? Did he feel the same way?”

“He did, he said that much. Still says it, actually, that’s why he proposed running away to Italy with him,” you chuckle, recalling the shock you felt when he hugged you goodbye. “He said I’m the one who agreed to marry a guy and let him keep his girlfriend so he said it didn’t hurt to try and pitch another crazy idea.”

“Well, he does have a point,” Jin hums. “Did you, uh, did you consider it?”

“No. That wasn’t our plan, Jin,” you turn to him, wanting to assure him this time. “Maybe if I wasn’t married, I would’ve considered it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t be, but that’s the point, isn’t it? If I wasn’t married, it should be a yes, but it isn’t. He’ll keep wanting this life of art and beauty and travels and I’ll keep wanting mine that’s stable and secure and in Seoul. I don’t know when we’ll ever want the same thing.”

“When the time comes that you do, does that mean that you and him could finally be together?” Jin wonders.

“Yeah,” you respond. “It’s weird though. We spent all those hours ago just talking about ourselves; all we did was catch up. He talked about the places he’s been to and I talked about all the things I’ve been doing but we didn’t really talk about us. Sure, he suggested running away together but we didn’t actually talk about it.”

“What? I thought that was the point of you two meeting up?”

“Maybe there was just so much time apart and that mattered more - feeling each other’s comfort and wondering if it’s still the same, seeing how much of ourselves has changed… seeing if the feelings are still there, but not really talking about it,” you shrug. “Namjoon and I never really prioritized us, I realized. We prioritized ourselves, our friendship, but not us. I’m not quite sure what to make of that.”

Jin squeezes your hand, letting both of you just bask in the sounds of the ocean and the light from the moon.

“Until the time that you’ll see each other again, just remember that you’re both still looking at the same sky,” he says softly. “And I’ll be holding your hand until then.”

“Jin, are you shitting me?” you turn to him with wide eyes. “I may not be able to properly pronounce this store’s name but I can at least tell those diamonds are real, and they’re expensive,” you exclaim, emphasizing the last word.

“I told my Grandmother the same thing!”

“Okay, now you’re making me sound ungrateful,” you frown.

“Well, I said it kindly,” he clarifies. “But she won’t budge. She thinks it’s necessary for us to have matching diamond bracelets. When she learned that we were heading to Cannes today, she called this store and asked for a few designs to show us.”

You look at him worriedly before looking at the 3 options in front of you. Looking at the other pieces of jewelry in this chic store that Jin took you to after your time at the beach, you feel both in awe and like you’re going to faint. This is too much, you think, as the gifts from his family keep on coming. Of course, they gave you cash after the wedding, but it seems that all the more meaningful gifts were to come after you two had made it “official.”

“It doesn’t feel right accepting this,” you say, pouting and crossing your arms.

The sales staff seems to have picked up your reaction and she says something, which Jin translates for you.

“Apparently they’ve been paid for.”

“Oh goodness, Jin!” You whine embarrassingly. “We can’t… I can’t…”

“I know, but it’s gonna look worse if we don’t accept it. Just wear it when we’re seeing them. It’s fine, really. And you know I hate saying this but this really isn’t much for them,” he sighs, only preferring to talk of his family’s wealth when it’s to ironically make you feel better that whatever they spend for you is just like extra change for them.

“So can you please just choose? I like all 3 designs, but I think you prefer the simplest one,” he says, picking the least shiny one of them and closing the clasp around your wrist. “This one’s classic and elegant; you can match it with anything.”

“Okay, fine,” you give in, though the pout doesn’t leave your face.

This is the part you’ll never get used to and you mentally smack yourself for every time they give you something. In another version of this reality where you and Jin actually love each other, you feel like you’ll be more accepting, but being paraded with wealth on a daily basis is something that will always throw you off guard and make you feel undeserving.

You take the one for him and put it around his wrist, too, and you admit, it looks gorgeous on him. Jin has pretty hands and stunning fingers, something you’d noticed that first day in France as he held your hand in the car.

The sales staff asks for a photo that she’s been instructed to send to the elder Mrs. Kim; she’s apparently a regular here.

“Your Grandmother’s really not letting us off the hook, huh?” You laugh this time.

“She probably thought we’d find a way to skirt around their plan,” he laughs back. “But thank you for accepting. They badger me a lot for not buying you things because, well, you know my family - they like to show off but it comes from a good place, I promise.”

“I know. I’m sorry for being a difficult wife,” you shyly smile.

“It’s fine, you have your redeeming moments,” he says, yelping when you pinch his waist.

“Hey, proper decorum!” He whisper-yells, but the sales staff don’t seem to mind, as you’re the only ones here and they’ve been giggling ever since you and Jin started to bicker earlier.

“But anyway, thank you. I’m thinking of making them something before we leave tomorrow. Maybe sweetened rice cake?” You say.

“That takes a while to make,” Jin frowns.

“Preparing the glutinous rice is what takes a while. I can just wake up earlier and prepare it then sleep again or something. It’s the least I could do, Jin. Really, it’s nothing. Plus, I like making that for my family!”

“Yeah? You haven’t made it for me yet.”

“Well, then now I will. Come, I passed by some stalls earlier where I can buy dried fruits and nuts,” you say, pulling his arm towards a certain street.

And that’s how you and Jin spend the rest of your time in Cannes - shopping for ingredients, buying him jelly beans to shut him up because he was being really annoying, and laughing all the way to a small restaurant and then heading home.

You lay in bed that night, facing him once again, a smile immediately gracing your lips as he pinches your nose.

“Thanks for driving and being with me today, Jin,” you say. “And for not making it weird.”

“For not making it weird?” He chuckles. “May I remind you that you once made pancakes for me and Seri after you caught her at our house? Like it was totally normal?”

“It’s not like you were hiding or anything, so it’s not that bad,” you laugh. “Plus, it was always fine with me.”

“Yeah, but I still got so traumatized. And so driving you to Cannes wasn’t a big deal. I’m not sure if it was the meeting you imagined but I’m glad you got to see him. You seemed really happy, too, like you felt like home with him there.”

“I did, huh?” You ask softly, wondering how you look when you’re with Namjoon, but Jungkook always said you had a calmness on your face whenever you were with him.

“You did. Sorry if I stayed around a bit; I just wanted to make sure you were safe and stuff. And about your exes, I’m sorry about it, too,” he mumbles. “I didn’t know if it was right to say it earlier but I… You didn’t deserve that, and I’m just glad you had someone to help you pick up your pieces.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” you assure him. “And that’s why I was okay with you and me. It’s not so much that I have low standards in men, like you pointed out, but it’s more like - I know bad when I see it; I’ve experienced some of the worst. And you’re nothing like them, Jin. We may not be a normal married couple but I can sleep well at night knowing I’ll be safe, because that’s what I feel with you. So thank you.”

Jin can only smile. He realizes as each day passes that he values your words more than he expected, and knowing you feel safe with him is all he needs to hear. He pulls the covers over you and pinches your nose again before wishing you goodnight.

You didn’t think that Jin’s grandparents enjoying the sweetened rice cake you made for them would mean this much to you, especially when they say that it tastes like the ones they used to make when they still had the patience for it.

“Oh, darling. This just means you and Jin would have to visit us here again,” his grandmother says. “Or we’ll visit you. Whichever, as long as I get to taste more of this.”

“You’re welcome. You’ve just been so wonderful to me and I can’t thank you enough,” you respond, hugging them and his parents as you and your husband prepare to leave.

“Not a problem at all, dear,” his mother now says. “We're just happy that our son is happy. I’ve never seen him laugh and smile this much in years, and I’m not exaggerating.”

She doesn’t seem like the type who would; she’s always been straightforward and intentional, but you still take it with a grain of salt. Jin has had Seri for years, and he had to do his part of acting during this trip, too, even if you know there was sincerity in how he was with you.

You thank them again and wave them goodbye. You hug Sejeong and Hyo-seop and carry Geonhoo and Ji-hoo who are sad that they won’t be seeing you for a while.

“Just another week, we’ll see you back home,” Jin assures his niece and nephew. “Be good, okay? Don’t give your parents a headache.”

They give both of you sweet kisses and you walk towards the car where Emile has packed all your luggages already. You and Jin settle in and take the hour and a half car ride to Saint-Tropez, with both of you listing the cafes and restaurants you’ll be eating at.

You finally arrive at the palatial hotel perched on a hillside that’s overlooking the Mediterranean Sea. It’s got modern and classic touches that add to the serene ambiance of the place, especially as it’s nestled between gardens and large trees.

You’re assisted by the manager who informs you of the activities that have been paid for - you just have to set a schedule for them. There’s the boat trip that’ll take you around the coastline, the full-afternoon spa treatment, and a special dinner at the private beach club.

“Oh, Jin,” is all you manage to say, somehow not surprised anymore.

“Well, the other option was Paris and that would’ve been much more romantic,” he shrugs. “This isn’t so bad. I mean, it’s an old fishing village with little cafes and stores.”

“That does sound fun, and more like us,” you smile. “Guess that’s what we’ll be doing on our first day?”

He nods and gives your preferred schedule to the manager before you’re accompanied to your suite.

It’s bright and spacious with a living room and a kitchenette. The glass door leads to a garden outside with spectacular views of the French Riviera. It’s private and perhaps a fitting end to this whirlwind of a trip with your husband, knowing that after all this, you’ll go back to Seoul, back to your jobs and your own rooms, back to your own businesses, and back to the lie you won’t have to make in the comfort of your home.

You take it all in. Everything that’s happened in the past week isn’t what you expected - from getting as close as you are with Jin, kissing him, being okay with it… and seeing Namjoon, the man who let your heart beat again, the man who reminded you what it was like to care, to love, to wait, to hope, and to hurt.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Jin says as he marvels at the view from next to you. “It’s not crowded, and the town’s not far from here.”

“It’s beautiful,” you smile, letting the memory of yesterday stay at a nook of your mind for now. “Should we get going? I’m excited to eat.”

“You mean, you’re excited to dissect the food and then eat?” He arches a brow.

“Says the man who does exactly that,” you stick your tongue out. “But really, how else can you enjoy food but by appreciating its parts and as a whole? Makes it more delicious that way.”

“Geek,” he laughs, as you both head out the elevator and into the shuttle that would take you to the Old Town.

The weather is nice, with the sun’s heat and the breeze just right for the early afternoon. The streets are buzzing but not overwhelming, and you and Jin find yourselves in cobblestone streets and alleys lined with quaint cafes and local shops.

He looks quite the looker on a holiday, with his mustard-colored leather coords, the buttons of his polo open and a white sleeveless top underneath. You’ve noted a few tourists do double-takes when he walks and you still haven’t fully wrapped your head around how handsome he is.

You both go around and find a traditional restaurant for your late lunch and people watch, then you go around trying different pastries in the bakeries that you pass by. You end up at the Port and become amused by the fishing boats and yachts.

You’re tired by the late afternoon so you head back to your hotel to watch the sky turn purple then blue in your garden balcony with some mimosas just because. You semi-dress up for dinner at the hotel’s private beach club, a 10-course meal, and then enjoy drinks while watching a performance after.

Finally settled in the massive bed in your pajamas, you feel like floating. The mattress and linens are the most comfortable you’ve ever had and you don’t want to ever get off.

“Ugh, this is like heaven,” you moan.

Jin laughs as he lies next to you, sighing in satisfaction as well. “Ah, this is good. I should ask for the brand of the mattress and the pillows and buy them.”

You stare at him for a while until you realize he’s not joking, and he winks at you while typing on his phone, perhaps asking Yoongi to do it.

Jin scoots closer to you and you don’t pull away. You don’t seem to mind that there’s a big ass couch outside but he’s staying next to you, coming nearer.

“Is this okay?” He dares ask, and you smile softly as you nod.

You’re talking about your favorite cafes from earlier when Jin groans and shows you his text exchange with his mother. She asked for photos so he sent those of the scenery and the food but she wanted photos of both of you.

Who goes on a honeymoon and doesn’t have pictures with their wife! The text reads. Take photos of you and ___, we need to preserve these memories.

“She nags even about this,” he whines.

“It’s fine,” you chuckle. “We can take lots tomorrow. We’ll visit surrounding villages, anyway, and we’ll do the boat ride.”

So that’s what you both do the next day, as you stop by scenic views on the way to the nearby Port Grimaud and Ramatuelle. Your assigned chauffeur is kind enough to take the pictures, enjoying it himself as you and Jin keep arguing about the “proper” photo and debating which poses look couple-y enough.

It’s against one of the chateaus where the chauffeur decides to direct both of you, instructing Jin to pull you closer by the waist and telling you to put your hand on his chest. It’s very wedding-like, as Jin whispers in your ear, and you take the chance to tickle him on his neck while he’s distracted. His laugh is contagious, causing you to join him, and he pinches your nose like he likes to do.

You’re back at your hotel in time for lunch, then you lounge at the beach before your mid-afternoon private boat trip. It’s a laid-back activity, as you and Jin unwind at the deck with some cold cuts and wine and cheese.

He starts showing you photos of Taehyung and Hyun-a who are clearly enjoying their own honeymoon, and who are clearly very couple-y in their poses.

“We should try this,” Jin says, showing one where they're in the middle of a street party.

“Do I look like someone who pops her foot?” You nudge him. “Or someone who laughs prettily like that?”

“Yeah, you don’t do either,” he says, prompting you to pinch his arm. “Okay, this seems doable. And maybe this?”

You go through a few more and decide that amongst the kisses and the gazing and all the hugging ones, these ones he points out aren’t that hard.

So you try one where you’re next to him, your head leaning on his shoulder with his hand on your side, grazing your thigh that’s just causing you to inch closer to him. Even with your cover up, you could feel his taut, bare chest against your arm, and other than the times when you had to dance or kiss, this feels like the closest you’ve ever been to him.

“We’ve got enough for today, I think,” you say, smiling at him after one of the boat crew takes your photo.

He agrees, and so you go for a quick swim in the ocean before you head back to the boat to watch the sunset, docking at the area that you wanted to explore for dinner. It’s another one of those nights where you just freely walk around, getting lost along the way, with you and Jin blaming each other for both of your terrible navigation skills, but ending up bonding over the night market and feeding each other chickpea flour pancakes and sponge cakes.

Later that night while Jin is asleep, you look through the pictures on your phone, and you hadn’t realized that the chauffeur took more candid photos than the ones where you posed. It’s almost funny, as the nicest takes aren’t those where you look like a couple, but they’re the ones where you both look the most natural, the most free, the most comfortable. You can even remember what stupid joke or silly remark he made; you can even tell if you tickled or pinched him because he has a different face for each time you annoy him.

You may not laugh prettily like Hyun-a does, but one thing is for sure - this laugh you have as one of the most genuine ones you’ve ever had.

“So, did the French air give you a change of heart or something?” Jungkook, your childhood best friend, says over the phone while seemingly playing a game on his computer. “Your photos are so cute, dude. I’m finding it hard to believe that you and Mr. Rich Guy aren’t a couple. You sure nothing happened out there?”

He yelps and curses and you imagine his character dying and you roll your eyes. Of course, the one time you get to finally talk to him because this best friend of yours has a tendency to disappear when he feels like it, he’s still busy being a dramatic gamer.

“Nothing, I told you,” you groan, comfortably lying down on the couch because your husband is at the hotel cafe, working, claiming that he doesn’t want to do it at your suite so you won’t feel tempted to work, too. “We just pretend to be in love and shit. And again, Kook, his name is Jin, okay? You and Dara should stop calling him other things that aren't his name. We’ve been married for 6 months and you still keep doing that.”

“Gee, wifey’s being protective of her hubby, I see,” he teases. “Fine, I’m finding it hard to believe that you and Mr. Rich Guy Jin with Abs aren’t a couple. The photos you sent look like you’re about to burst from happiness.”

“I’m pretty sure it was because a bug flew by his face and he almost fell off the chair from fear,” you chuckle, suddenly remembering yesterday’s stop at a cafe by the street. “His finesse and seriousness really melt away when there’s an insect or when I tickle him. It’s funny.”

“Ugh, you sound so cheesy.”

“Yah! You’re the one who wrote a whole ass song for a girl and serenaded her outside her house, you dork.”

“That was college. I was a different person back then, ___,” he whines.

“Yeah, so was I,” you sigh. “I mean, who would’ve thought I’d be in France with a rich man as my husband, right? I couldn’t even find a decent man and now I’m married to a really great one. Damn it, I wish those assholes didn’t ruin me the way they did,” you say, suddenly turning somber. “Maybe I’d actually even consider Jin if he didn’t have a girlfriend.”

“They didn’t ruin you, okay? They just broke you a bit,” your best friend says. “And you were a different person back then because now, you’re this confident, happy woman who knows when something’s not good for her anymore and can stand her ground and fight for herself because that’s who you really are, okay? I was hoping that seeing Namjoon would remind you of that.” He curses again before he continues. “Also, is that a confession I hear? Would you really go for Jin if the situation was different?”

“Maybe, who knows? But the situation is this - Jin has a girlfriend, someone who makes him happy, and I’m waiting for a man to finally like me enough to come home to me.”

“What if Namjoon doesn’t?”

“Okay, harsh,” you groan.

“I mean, of course he likes you. He did, all those years ago, and he stood by you because you needed him. But he’s not the same person anymore as well, ___. And while you two still do your letter-writing as if you’re long-distance lovers but also talk over the phone every once in a while, he’s been gone for years,” Jungkook says. “I love the guy but every single day, he chooses to not be with you. And asking you to run away to Italy isn’t the grand declaration of love that you think it is. That was silly.”

“Hey, I never thought it was,” you sigh. “Even he knew it was crazy, so I don’t even know what he would’ve done if I agreed.”

“And what would’ve made you agree?”

At this, you don’t have a response because quite frankly, you don’t know. You don’t know what situation or circumstance you need that would make you just drop everything to be with the man you’ve ironically been waiting for.

“What? Nothing? See, I told you.”

“You didn’t tell me shit, Kook,” you laugh.

“I hate you.”

“You’re just putting things in my head.”

“No, I’m helping you make sense of things in your head. That’s my role in your life,” he says proudly. “But I’m serious. Think about why you’re still holding onto Namjoon. There could be a lot of reasons, but whatever it is, just remember - he’s not the only person who can love you.”

You remain silent on your end, and sometimes, you just hate it when Jungkook makes sense.

“I can’t really think of anyone else who can.”

“Well, we’re gonna have to change that mindset, ___. You could be holding onto something that’s long gone, and you’re only choosing to see what’s left of it, and that’s bound to fall away, too.”

You choose not to think much of what Jungkook said earlier while you were lazing in the suite while waiting for Jin to finish his work. You came to France to pretend and to enjoy along the way, not to think, and you’d promptly sent your best friend messages of how much you hate him for making you think but he replied that he can’t wait to see you when you get back.

“What’s with the furrowed brows?” Jin splashes you some water, and you have to hold back your yell and send him a death glare instead.

“___, we’re in the pool, you’re literally wet,” he deadpans.

“Not my hair though! I didn’t plan on wetting it,” you pout.

“Too bad, now you have to,” he shrugs, and you jump on his back in retaliation, although you don’t know what that was supposed to do since you’re now clinging onto his freeway shoulders with your chest squished against his bare back. He reflexively grips your thighs so you both won’t lose your balance and he’s laughing the whole time while you’re suddenly hyper-aware.

“You’re gonna have to shower anyway since we have that spa treatment this afternoon,” he reminds you. “I heard it’s really good.”

“Oh god, I haven’t had a massage in a year,” you say dreamily. “The most I get is from Jungkook but he’s lazy sometimes.”

Jin chuckles, amused by your relationship with your best friends who are all very different from you but that you all seem to love each other a lot.

“But I’m going to enjoy today,” you smile. “It’s our last full day. It'll be back to reality for us pretty soon.”

You’re unsure what you meant and why you even said it, but you don’t miss the way Jin’s face falls a little at the reminder and this time, you try to not think too much of it.

After lunch at a seaside restaurant, you and Jin get ready for your spa day. It’s a long one, with scrubs and a hot tub, facial treatment and a full-body massage, and manicure and pedicure as well. You focus on how relaxed you feel; you’ve never been this pampered in your life, and even all the times you did a bit of it before never amounted to this, price- and service-wise. This is luxury on your mind and body, and you're loving every second of it.

Of course, you feign nonchalance at the half-naked man doing all those things with you, too. You wish the therapists wouldn't find it odd that a married couple doesn’t shower together or that Jin is in swim shorts and you’re in a two-piece bathing suit. Or that they came in with some treats and you and he are on opposite ends of the hot tub. Or that you bicker more than you say sweet things to each other, but just like how it’s been the past 2 weeks, you’re comfortable and you feel light, and it’s not just because the massage got rid of the knots on your shoulders.

You can’t help but moan all the way back to your room, and you’re too refreshed to move that when Jin takes your legs off the couch, you reflexively lay them on his lap as you remain laying down and enjoy the change of colors of the sky outside.

“You look comfy,” he chuckles, admiring how at ease you feel.

He’s glad that he was able to upgrade the treatment to the full-experience since he knows you need it. You’ve worked hard all these years and you deserve this day of pampering. He liked seeing you just let go and be treated like a queen even for just the afternoon, and he admits that the way your eyes lit up every time there was something presented to you - even if it was just the type of scrub or the oil to be used - made him feel light and at ease. Somehow, seeing you pampered was his own way of relaxing, as if seeing you feel that way rid him of the knots on his body, knowing how much stress and pressure he put you through the past weeks.

“It’s our last night here. What if we order room service for each other and be surprised?” He suggests.

“Hey, that would be fun!” You sit up. “But it should be a 3-course meal. If you give me just an appetizer, I will riot.”

He laughs again; he seems to do that a lot with you.

“Trust me, I don’t want that, either. But sure, a 3-course meal, then.”

Jin ends up cheating. He still orders for you - appetizer, entree of lobster, which is your favorite, and dessert as discussed. Luckily, you both order different things for each other so you get to try his food and he gets to try yours. But he also orders additional things - the dishes he feels that you’d like to try, and the way you squealed when you saw the stuffed capon fish and the lemon dessert made him sigh in satisfaction.

There’s that feeling again, of making you smile, of making you happy. Of making you feel cared for.

And later that night as you both lay in bed, after the drinks and endless conversations about food at your garden balcony, he lets himself feel the serenity of your presence next to him.

It’s the same thing he does when you both do your last tour of the city the next morning, discovering new cafes and going back to the ones you liked, taking photos along the way and saying goodbye to the town that you fell in love with even for just a few days.

“You all good?” He asks, as you settle on the window seat of the car that will take you to the airport.

“Yes. Two weeks just flew by,” you say, “and I really had fun. Thank you, Jin.”

He grins proudly, sliding down his seat a bit so you can lean on his shoulder, seeing as you still look sleepy.

You’re both quiet on the way there, and even as you both wait to board the plane. He sees you glance at him from your First Class seat some feet away, and he constantly asks if everything is okay like it’s reflex.

It’s a long flight and you arrive in Seoul in the late afternoon, with Yoongi and Mr. Lim greeting you both. You and Jin narrate the highlights of the trip to his secretary, to his amusement, but of course you don’t mention the more intimate moments, and you’re glad that Yoongi doesn’t prod.

Home smells amazing with Mrs. Kang’s cooking, with all of Jin’s favorite Korean food laid out on the table, his mouth watering at the sight.

He’ll unpack tomorrow or this weekend; there’s still work tomorrow, after all, and he’s tired from the flight and he can’t wait to lie down. So do you, it seems, as you yawn after your last spoonful of the tofu stew and say that you’ll head to bed.

Jin nods and follows you up the stairs, being reminded of that reality you’re both back in when you wish him goodnight and open the door of your room and close it behind you. He stands outside, knowing there’s no place for him there, and that he shouldn’t want it, he shouldn’t wish for it.

But as he walks to his room on the other side of the hall and as he lays in bed, his tired body begging him to sleep, he’s unable to. And as he stays on one end and leaves a space for you, he knows.

Something’s changed, and he doesn’t think he can continue in this reality after the past 2 weeks. Something’s changed, and he doesn’t know what to do.

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