#I’m around this talk constantly and Its so triggering
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“Why’s she so rude?” (She’s Not)- Stereotypes, pt2
So I'm sure that you all thought I was going to give a blow-by-blow list of "visual stereotypes to avoid". I'm going to be honest here, I thought about it, and figured it would be redundant. My page already includes sensitivity on depicting Black people. So instead, I'm going to focus on stereotypical "character" concepts, so that you can 1) not write it in your stories and/or 2) recognize it in media (fiction and reality!) and in life!
Two major resources: the Jim Crow Museum website is an EXCELLENT resource to understand the imagery of antiblack racism in U.S. history and society. The other, White Tears, Brown Scars by Ruby Hamad. The book focuses on the many racist stereotypes projected onto women of color and how that purposeful, systemic negative perception of us bleeds into every aspect of our lives- specifically by white women/white feminists who believe that they are not contributing to said oppression.
I'll start with Black women, just because I’m passionate about it (obviously) and there are so many things I wish I had and hadn’t seen growing up. We deserve better by the year of our lord 2024.
TRIGGER WARNINGS: mention of sexual assault, assault
Misogynoir
What I want everyone to understand, before I get into this, is the concept of intersectionality, and more specifically, misogynoir. Misogynoir is the specific type of contempt and prejudice that Black women face at the intersection of race and gender. I say this because you might read these things and go “oh, as a woman, I experience these things!” I get it, but I want you to PAUSE, and remember, that right now, we are talking about Black women’s experiences. And those will often be different, due to that intersection of identities. And that understanding will have an effect on how you understand (and thus, write) those experiences.
The Jezebel
The link goes into much deeper detail, but the Jezebel is the idea that a Black woman or girl who is sexual is somehow “fast”, “salacious”, “a hoe”, “driven by desire/doesn’t understand purity”, and at its worst, unable to be r*ped/a victim because she is less valuable yet somehow inherently seductive to men.
This gets thrown around CONSTANTLY in media and life for Black women (my first experience of treated like I was ‘fast’ was when I was like… twelve?) One major, visible example is Megan Thee Stallion. Meg has a college degree, she likes anime, she’s a brilliant rapper, and has an entire personality and struggles she’s shared… But she also likes to dress scantily clad and have sex. By doing those things, she ‘lessened in value’. And because of this, when she was shot at and assaulted, even Black people questioned her character, rather than understanding that she could have been anyone, and she still wouldn’t have deserved to be assaulted. She's not allowed to be multi-faceted; she "brought it on herself".
Black girls and women who happen to take charge of their own sexuality, to the discomfort of society, are treated as Jezebels- as whores. Think about it- if one of Taylor Swift's recent boyfriends shot at her, would the media question her value or her word? Question her equivalently high ‘body count’?
Question how you write your Black woman- she can enjoy sex! She can be sexy! We love to see it! But if you're punishing her specifically, or judging her within the narrative, versus your other characters who are allowed to safely explore and act upon their sexuality… Check your judgment! Why do you feel the way you do about this character? Why do you think that your Black character is the one that should be judged for her actions. Would you feel this way if it were a nonblack character?
The Sapphire/Angry Black Woman
Ohohoho, I have infinite amounts of feelings about this one.
This is the "sassy Black friend", the "aggressive Black boss", “step on me angry mommy”, the one who does the z formation and makes everyone "uncomfortable". She’s not allowed to be confident, assertive, or self-assured- she’s arrogant, rude, and aggressive.
I discussed it in part one, but I'll reemphasize it: your Black woman doesn't have to be an ‘Angry Black Woman’ in order to be angry! Just like any other human being on the planet, we are allowed to be mad. (In my honest opinion, we have a lot to be mad about, but I digress 😅)
If the only character that ever gets angry is your Black character, I want you to consider why. What is she angry at? Was this something you wanted the reader to understand or empathize with? Are we supposed to disagree? How does everyone around her treat her anger? Is her anger righteous? Is she always shut down or dismissed for it? Is it only meant to defend her friends, but never herself? Does the narrative suggest that it’s only good in use of others and not herself? Would this be the same reaction if one of the nonblack characters was angry? Is this something you did on purpose?
Very often, we're called 'angry Black women/girls' to invalidate our emotions. My therapist once said anger is a protective emotion. We might be hurt, overstimulated, sad, depressed, frightened, anxious… But we are often not allowed the grace of others digging deeper to see that. Even if the other characters do not understand her anger, even if her motives are not meant to be understood at the moment… you as the writer should be aware. But if every time it’s time to show anger or upset, it’s your Black character… consider why this is the one you thought would best convey that message, and how your Black readers might feel seeing that this character (who may not even be the ‘bad guy’) is the one that is ‘only’ angry. No other development, no other emotions, just… there to be mad.
I take this one to heart, as someone who feels very passionately about things… this is one of those things where I wish, in life and in media, people would have more grace for Black women. We're human, too. We have feelings, too.
The Mammy
This one isn’t as visually blatant anymore in media as it was in the past (like every Mammy doesnt look like Aunt Jemima), but you may have seen this one as "the mommy figure". The "lesbian that parents the silly gay boys". The one that’s always encouraging the ship of the white boys, but never the one allowed to be in the ship (especially when her ship is canon!)
A good example of this was how people expected Jessica Drew from ATSV to be "more loving" to Gwen, rather than the mentor and boss she was (plus, as a Black woman with a Black mother… trust and believe, she was quite direct and gentle). And in comparison to her counterpart, white man Peter B. Parker, was decried far worse for similar detrimental actions.
The Mammy often serves in opposition to the Jezebel and Sapphire/Angry Black Woman. What makes the Mammy particularly annoying is that it implies that the only good Black woman character is a ‘nice’, demure, unthreatening, homely, motherly figure whose job it is to make sure to center the (usually) white ones. The Mammy is expected to coddle everyone, to her own detriment. She's a ‘good Black’ because she causes no issue, raises no fuss, never shows a negative feeling, knows that she has to ‘be strong’ but to always defer because the white characters know best. She’s ‘not a threat’, and that’s why she’s ‘allowed’ to be around. We shouldn’t have to be those things in order for our stories to be heard and understood, in order to be empathized with or treated like someone of value.
The Strong Black Woman
If I never hear this phrase again in my life, if we eradicate it from future generations for Black girls and women, I'll cry of joy lmao. I hate it, and it's not for the reasons most nonblack people would expect. Lord, this one. Anyway. The ‘strong Black woman’ is meant to protect everyone, no help needed! Whenever something is wrong and we all need a pickup, here she comes to ‘let me do it’ and everything is going to be okay! She did all the necessary suffering so that your characters don't have to! She can sweep in and save the day!
Now here's the dissonance kicks in. This one on its surface probably sounds like a good thing. She's a hero! She’s resilient! She's great! Who wouldn't want to be superwoman? Who wouldn't want to reject being a love interest, all women are always love interests! Let us be the badass that kicks ass and shows the men what for! Who wouldn’t want that, 24/7?!
The answer: US. 👍🏾🤣
This is a long, separate conversation on its own, but we have to understand that Black women (women of color, really) and White women do not always share the same end goals and understanding of "strong woman character" or even feminism. We certainly aren't always the love interest. Very usually not, in fact. We are always pushed to the side. We are already the hero in our lives, we're already the "strong woman".
Not everyone yearns to be the Singular Hero who will Fix It All as many of us are already expected to do. It's exhausting having to swallow your own needs for everyone else all the time, especially when it's suggested that you have no value otherwise if you don't. Heroism is Exhausting, and it's something worth looking into when you’re characterizing your Black girls and women. I’m not saying that we can’t be strong! We are, and it’s impressive! But I also want us to add some nuance to that strength, the way we would for any other character. What it means to have community, rather than to do it all alone. How even if she wants to be the hero (and that’s okay! That’s fine!) how it would still wear on her. Surrounding your Black girl character with unconditional support, to have a lover that actually wants to pull some weight- that's something many of us actually would like to see, because we're usually shafted to the side as 'someone who can do it all herself' (in order to hide that no one thinks we need or are deserving of the help).
It's okay to let your Black woman and girls show weakness, to rest, to be taken care of! It's not "less feminist" to accept that we're humans that need help and can't carry it all, too. That it’s okay to want to feel valued and protected. Because god knows, I wish I didn’t grow up strong and resilient, I wish I grew up knowing that the world cared that I was safe.
Standards of Beauty
These standards are not the same! I've mentioned it before in my lesson on skin tones, but very often when we think of "beauty", it’s easy to fall into the idea of whiteness. Pale skin, thin hair textures, etc. If those are our existing standards of beauty, then it doesn’t matter what any of us look like- we’re ugly! When I was in high school, I remember a classmate saying that Swedish people were the most beautiful people because of "white hair and pale skin". Without even meaning to, that guy basically said everyone darker than a stack of loose leaf printer paper was ugly by proxy of not being Nordic White (no matter how pretty they actually might be!!) 🤣
It’s also of note that whiteness/paleness tends to be connected with innocence and cleanliness in western culture, while blackness/darkness tends to be considered dirty, sinful, fearful. Now, while the origin of this idea may not be racist itself, when you spend hundreds of years implying that Blackness is bad- to the point that, in the U.S. they came up with an entire slur one step past “negro” (meaning ‘Black’) to deem you less than- it’s hard to say that the societal connotation didn’t apply.
Now we've already discussed working on describing our Black characters better! I continually remind you all that you should be describing them as wonderfully made as you do your white characters. Keep in mind that we live in a world where from day one when we enter the world, Blackness and Black features are not seen as beautiful nor emphasized. Whiteness is the standard of beauty that we, for a long time and still, are expected to adhere to. If you'd like to do better by your characters, remember that you don't have to give them "white features" or use "white" as an adjective to do that!
Black Women as Women
“There was literally nothing, not a thing, that a white woman could ever have that was worth more than her sexual virtue, and this obligated mandatory chasteness and sexual vulnerability… If the most important thing a woman has is virtue, and only white women can have virtue, then by definition, only white women can be women.” Ruby Hamad, ‘Only White Women Can Be Damsels’, White Tears, Brown Scars
Often, Black women by definition are not included under the societal banner of “women”, from our features, to our personalities, to our 'role' in life. "True Womanhood" is denied us, cis and trans, because of our Blackness. The things that make women ‘women’, we are not included under, because systemically, the only ‘women’ that were meant to mean anything were white.
I bring up Megan Thee Stallion again. Meg is probably one of the most beautiful, feminine women I've ever seen in my life. Men still call her a man, due to her height, due to her confidence, and due to their insecurities. Same with Serena Williams; Serena is damn near built like a god in my eyes. She was told she was manly from the beginning of her career, no matter how beyond skilled she was in women's tennis. Even when she damn near died giving birth- the most basic of 'tasks' women are seen as having in this society, it didn't matter. Black women are 'less womanly', 'less valuable', 'less in need' of that protection and identity that society swears Women™ need (and not in the honest way that we do need protection).
Consider that you're making sure that your Black women have the options of range of gender expression and emotions (and if they aren't allowed to, is that on purpose). If you're only ever creating us and we're in service of some dainty white woman and never the other way around... consider how that may reflect what you think our role is in your story, and in your mind.
Adultification
“Awkward moment when Rue is some black girl and not the innocent blond girl you imagine.” twitter: sw4q
It has been shown that Black girls the same age as their white girl counterparts are deemed older and less in need of protection, and supposed to 'be more mature'. Imagine that. Deemed inherently less innocent, due to your skin color. Having to parent our siblings, get jobs to contribute, do all the cleaning, and more. Yet, when we act with the maturity that we've been forced to grow into, we're "fast". A little 12-year-old girl, now to society, the Jezebel. All because she wanted to try pink lip gloss or wear a skirt; things that little tween girls might try to understand the big world around them and push boundaries. Now she's a woman, now she can never be a victim. Now she can be beat on and hurt and it's her fault.
I explain this for two reasons: One, for you to think about how your write your Black girls, and Two, for you to hold more grace for Black girls- real and fake. Do you hold her to a higher standard than your white characters of similar age? Does she inherently seem less innocent to you for reasons outside the plot? Is she as human to you as your other characters? Is she allowed to be a child? To act like one? To make mistakes? Are you as empathetic or understanding about that childishness as you are towards nonblack characters? Do you make these decisions on purpose?
It's not like Black girls can never be YA protags or anything- ofc we can. But keep in mind that she's not somehow automatically "stronger" by proxy of her Blackness, that she'd "be tougher". She's a kid. Let her be one.
Conclusion
There’s a LOT you have to consider when writing Black girls and women. I’m not going to sit here and say it’s easy, because being Black, and being a Black woman, is not easy. If you’re stressed reading it, imagine being stressed living it lmao. It’s a constant chain of quick-time events every day of your life to prevent nonblack nuclear meltdown in response to your every single action. I’m not going to apologize for it, either.
That being said, I don’t expect you to understand everything, especially not all at once. I just want you all to keep these things in mind, to question yourself when you’re writing your character- are you treating her differently on purpose? Or are you treating her differently because of a bias you might not even notice you have? It might help to go back, to read how you treat all of your characters. Or, if you’ve never written before, to maybe outline the traits of your characters and figure out where things balance out. As always, all you can do is practice at it. Because it's the thought that counts, but the action that delivers.
Whew, I'm actually emotionally strained after this one. My chest is beating fast. Let me go get some groceries now.
#creatingblackcharacters#character design#black characters#black character design#writing#creative writing#stereotypes#antiblackness#racism
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Being in Ed recovery is honestly so frustrating when I’m constantly bombarded by my illness being normalized
The very same behaviors I did and was called crazy for are praised when others do it. The same exact behaviors
#tw ed mentioned#tw ed#so much of it#others in my own family#how is intermittent fasting not skipping meals#how is keto not just as restrictive as a restrictive ed you’re cutting out entire food groups#the crazy amount from bodybuilding community that’s so normalized too bc ppl don’t look a certain way#and I’m not gonna get into how many ed start bc people try things like very restrictive diets or IF#I’m around this talk constantly and Its so triggering#it compared to addiction a lot but unlike addiction the actual behaviors are so glamorized and the treatment result is shamed#my cousin was going on about if and only eating 700 cal while running 5 miles a day / it’s praised#I’m not saying everyone who does this has ed but it is the same exact behaviors#tw ed recovery
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the gang on a road trip :3
i love this request sm!! LETS GO👇
ponyboy:
i feel like he’d try to read but when they’re all in the stupid MINI VAN TOGETHER HE CANNOT GET PEACE
also like reading on a drive can kinda make you carsick
and pony seems the type to get carsick i’m sorry😭💀
BUT i myself get carsick so it’s not bullying🫶
anyways he’s probably chill until someone mentions playing some roadtrip game like I Spy or smth LMAO
he seems the type to get actually triggered and annoyed during that game cause people *cough* dally *cough* choose stupid stuff (more on this later🙏)
johnny:
probably sleep or smth low maintenance
i just feel like johnny doesn’t need constant attention to feel appreciated yk
anyways he’d also just seem the type to carry on a goofy convo throughout the drive
like just RANDOM and it lasts for like hours LMAOO
people probably voluntold him to sit in the middle seat 😔😭
sodapop:
he the type of kid to yell the most random stuff out of context in the back of the bus😭😭😭
so that kinda translates to this
his brain goes like a billion miles per hour so if you aren’t steve or two bit chances are you don’t even know what they’re doing at this point
finds ANY source of entertainment
usually bothers darry with steve LMAOO
darry:
darry drives cause no one else is trusted😔
maybe lets steve drive cause who else is gonna take over at night🧐
DALLY? AW HELL NAH
anyways he drives and definitely gives the annoyed dad
like
”if someone kicks my seat ONE MORE TIME IM TURNING THIS CAR RIGHT BACK AROUND”
and then everyone’s good til dal loses a game of travel uno and punches his seat out of anger
and everyone goes quiet like 😟
and darry’s tweaking but ITS OK THEY STILL MAKE IT
dally:
rides shotgun
just a menace honestly
i feel like he dislikes being cooped up and bc of that he just is even more of a jerk
like pony thought itd be fun to play i spy and dally’s like “what a stupid game 🙄”
and then says “i see something….blue”
and everyone’s like “uhh the sky”
and just guessing EVERYTHING and dals like
“nope😼”
eventually he says “it’s the blood in everyone’s veins rn😀because blood is actually blue before it hits the air and oxidizes and then it turns red🤷♂️🥰”
and everyone’s like 😐
and he is just like “well last week pony had a bio test and he wouldn’t SHUT UP ABOUT THAT FACT SO”
two-bit:
honestly just doesn’t stop. talking.
which is ok cause my guy is funny ASF
BUT for people on their last thread like darry he’s just like 😤
anyways two is just making fun of EVERYTHING
like isn’t it funny that pony’s seatbelt still has the child lock on it
and that dally is getting found out for actually caring about what people talk about (ie the random fact he remembers pony talking abt)
honestly a blast
he suggests a lot of games and lowk destroys
steve:
just goofs off w soda CONSTANTLY
which is really funny
i feel like we underestimate how funny they are together
probably talks abt cars the majority of the way there to no one in particular LMAO
it’s ok cause when the curtis car inevitably breaks down halfway there he goes into
MECHANIC MODE
and saves the day🫶🥰💞
TYSM FOR REQUESTING!! my requests are opennn🫶🫶
#dallas winston#the outsiders#the outsiders sodapop#johnny cade x reader#ponyboy curtis#darry curtis#sodapop curtis#two bit mathews#steve randle
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Take It Out On Me Part 20 (Steddie X Plus Size Reader)
Warnings: Daddy Steve/ Sir Eddie and Sub Fem Plus size reader, you aren't going to see a lot those dynamics in this chapter. She does refer to them by their titles occasionally but due to the situation refers to them by their names more than anything. There is SMUT of the fluffy slightly vanilla variety (I know its weird lol), FLUFF, they love each other and they're a family <3.
ANGST, sooooo much angst which if you read the last chapter you were prepared for (or if you know me lol), they do have dinner with his mom and they do talk about their abuse so a domestic abuse and child abuse trigger warning is in effect! They don't go into full details but hitting and bleeding is mentioned. Eddie talks about his abandonment and feeling replaced. There are feels but there is a peaceful resolution :). I wanted that for Eddie <3.
Word Count: 3983
“Baby, relax.”, Steve coos in a gentle tone as he comes up behind you to turn off the sink and collect you in his arms.
You had been scurrying around the apartment doing busy work while Eddie finished getting ready. Tonight was the dinner with his mom at Wayne’s trailer and you were extremely nervous.
“I’m trying. I’m just worried about him.”
“I know, honey. Everything’s going to be alright. Thanks to you he’s not doing this alone.”
You sigh as you lean into his embrace and rest your arms over his own.
“I need you to make sure I don’t get arrested tonight because I swear to God, if she says one rude thing—”
“Ok, Rocky. Chill.”, he chuckles as he kisses your lips.
“Alright, I’m ready.”, Eddie exhales heavily as he comes out of the bedroom and grabs his jacket. “Let’s get this over with.”
***
“How’s he doin’?”, Wayne asked as you helped him in the kitchen.
The original plan was to have the meal outside so everyone wouldn’t feel so cramped but as if sensing the mood, a storm slowly creeped into Hawkins and began to pour as soon as you three made it into the trailer. The boys helped set up a table in the living room while you took the opportunity to catch up with Eddie’s uncle.
“He’s been as okay as he can be. Definitely more clingy which I don’t mind. He had work the other day and asked if I could hang out with him during his shift.”
“Yeah… When he was a boy, after he moved in, he used to carry around this Wizard of Oz book like a safety blanket. I noticed after a while whenever he was nervous or anxious, he would bring it with him wherever he went and read it. I was honestly surprised when he left it here after he moved. Must have found a new thing to comfort him.”, he grinned as he patted your shoulder.
“Is it still in his room?”
Wayne nodded as you excused yourself to go look, finding it by his dresser, and coming back to slip it in your purse. A knock on the door causes everyone to freeze as his uncle takes one last big breath and heads to open it.
You quickly place yourself by Eddie’s side as he reaches out to hold your hand.
“Here we go.”
#################
His mother was a lot smaller than you imagined her being but your only frame of reference was the photo you had seen of her in his room with all the Munson’s together. She was a curvy woman and her short black hair accentuated the slight chipmunk plump of her cheeks. Her energy radiated the same softness that Eddie carried but you were still apprehensive especially after what she had done.
As she entered the trailer and Wayne took her coat, Eddie remained still as his eyes constantly scanned her over.
“Lynn, this is, um, Eddie’s best friend Steve Harrington.”
“You’re the other boy that had gotten hurt in the fire.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Thank you for saving him.”
Steve just nodded politely as Wayne gestured towards you. “This is their girlfriend, Y/N Y/L/N.”
“It’s nice to meet you.”
You followed Steve’s lead, choosing to nod as well without saying a word.
When she made it to her son, both people were completely unsure on how to proceed. Testing the water, his mom extended her hand for him to shake and his reaction surprised you both as he slightly flinched, taking a step backwards away from her.
“The, uh, food is done. Steven, can you help me bring the last of it to the table here?”
Wayne knew better than to ask you. There was no way you were leaving Eddie’s side now that she was here. Once everything was placed and everyone was seated, his uncle handled the bulk of the conversation, making small talk where he could to cut the tension.
“I see you’re still a wonderful cook, Wayne.”
“Hm. Thank you. Since I work overnight, I don’t get to cook as much as I’d like but…”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. I was a night nurse for a while after I moved so it was a lot of microwave meals.”
“Oh? So, you, um, became a nurse?”
“I did. I had some experience with healing wounds…so…” Her head hung as her voice trailed off. “Um, how long have you guys been together?”, she asks as gestures towards you.
“A little over three years.”
“Well, that’s nice. Did you know each other in school?”
When you only nod, Wayne tries to help again.
“I think Ed told me he met Y/N junior year? Steve we’ve known for a while even though I don’t think you started coming over, son, till middle school.”
“Uh, yes sir. 7th grade I believe. It’s funny to think about since I came over to listen to music and watch movies but our tastes are so different.”
“Oh, the fact that he has some and you don’t?”, you tease as Steve smiles and sticks his tongue out at you.
“What kind of things are you into?”, she asks Eddie. The boy continues to glare at his plate as he moves food around with his fork.
“He’s taken Y/N here to a few concerts like Dio and Poison if I’m not mistaken.”
“My daughter is into heavy metal as well. My husband and I just bought her a drum set and she just…” She trailed off again when she noticed Eddie was finally looking at her. “You’d, um, you’d really get along with her.”
“Yeah? How old is she?”
“She just turned 9.”
“Huh. Sounds like her double digits are going to be WAY better than mine.”, the man sassed as he folded his arms and leaned back in his seat. “Just out of curiosity, how many more are there?”
“I have three with my current husband. My oldest is 9, my other daughter is 6, and my son…is 3.”
“Your oldest is actually 21 but I’m glad you were finally able to have another son. Now you can replace me entirely.”
She flinched at his words as your hand gripped his thigh.
“I thought about you every day, Eddie.”, she whispered.
“Well, that’s good to know. While I was bleeding on the floor after the violent man you left me with knocked me out, it comforts me to know you didn’t forget about me.”, he growls before abruptly rising to his feet. “I need a minute.”
Nobody moves as he stomps towards his old bedroom and slams the door.
“Maybe this was a bad idea.”
“I mean, what did you expect, Lynn? You never came back for him like you said you would.”
“You told me you would take him, Wayne—”
“Don’t. Don’t push the blame on him.”, you warned. “The truth of the matter is you SAID you were coming back and you never did.”
“You don’t know what it was like…living with Allen…”
“You’re right. I don’t but thanks to you, your child does.”
You stand and Steve promptly trails after you as you carefully open Eddie’s door. Both of you found him sitting on his bed, smoking out the window like he used to when you three lived there. As you climbed in to sit beside him, his hand immediately shot out to stop you.
“I wouldn’t get too close to me, sweetheart. I’m, uh, not all here.”, he lightly chuckles as his voice cracks.
Squaring your jaw in defiance, you climb in anyway and take his free hand in yours.
“Like that’s going to stop me. I’m not afraid of you, Edward Munson.”
“You doing alright, dude?”, Steve asked as he sat on the edge of the mattress.
“I’m, um, trying not to fall apart here. I really want to yell at her but I don’t…I don’t want her to think I’m like my dad.”
“Baby…”, you coo as you run your fingers through his hair. “You’re allowed to be angry. What she did wasn’t ok and you’re allowed to tell her that anyway you feel you need to.”
Eddie softly smiles as he tilts his head to kiss your lips and tosses his cigarette out the window. Taking your hand in his, the three of you leave his bedroom and back to the table where his mom and Wayne were still talking.
“—didn’t leave any kind of formal documentation for me to have him, Lynn. Did you really think Allen was just going to hand him over?”
“Why didn’t you come back?”, Eddie asked as soon as he sat down.
“I-I-I…your father was so aggressive. I couldn’t take it anymore, Eddie. I had to go—”
“I didn’t ask why you left. I asked why you didn’t come back. Even after he was arrested, you stayed away. Not even so much as a fucking postcard.”
She sighed as her eyes fell, trying to find the best way to answer his question.
“Originally, I wanted to get things ready before you came to live with me. Eddie when I moved, those first few months I was practically making pennies as a waitress living in a studio apartment. I thought you would be better with Wayne. When I finally got settled, I guess that idea remained imprinted in my brain; that you would be happier with your uncle.”
The metalhead folded his arms across his chest as he glared at her.
“Mom, I would have rather lived with you in a box on the street then anywhere with dad. You have no idea what he put me through.”
“I have some idea.”
“You. Have. No. Idea.”, he snarled. “I was a 10-year-old kid and you were a grown woman who knew what he would do to me if you left. Hell he hit me in front of you all the fucking time!”
“If I could go back in time and make a different decision I would! I don’t know what else I can say!”
“He doesn’t want you to say anything. He wants you to listen and understand.”, you cut in trying to be helpful.
“This is a family matter! I don’t know why you two are even here!”
“BECAUSE SHE IS MY FAMILY!”, Eddie roared causing his mother to lean back. “I love her. If I could marry her right now and give her my last name I would. She’s been there for me and actually sees me for me. To her I’m not ‘that Munson kid’. I’ve always just been Eddie.”
He gestures towards Steve. “This man is my best fucking friend and saved my life. Without him I wouldn’t even fucking be here. I love him like a brother and we take care of each other like we are.”
Eddie points past her towards his uncle. “Wayne took me in when YOU and Allen abandoned me. Even before you disappeared, I only ever felt safe with him. He’s raised me and not only taken care of me but these two as well when their parents abandoned them. Y/N’s lucky. Her parents admitted their mistakes and apologized for them. Steve and I don’t know what that’s fucking like. So, I guess the real point is, if this is a ‘family matter’ then you shouldn’t be here.”
Thunder clapped loudly as the power went out in the trailer.
“Shit. I don’t think anyone is going anywhere tonight. “, Wayne sighed. “Let’s, um, let’s call it a night yeah? Kids why don’t you take Eddie’s bedroom—”
“No. She can take my bedroom and we can sleep out here. If you still have that inflatable mattress.”, the man grumbled.
***
You guys didn’t even need the mattress. Steve was the only one who was currently on it while you and Eddie were on the couch. He didn’t say much through the rest of the evening, just held you to his chest till you fell as sleep in his arms. As he sat there playing with your hair and gently caressing your legs, through the darkness in the living room he could just barely make out a figure headed for the front door.
“You should have used my bedroom window. Lord knows I used that a bunch.”, he sighed as he used his lighter to light a candle near him, illuminating his mom’s face.
“I, uh,…”
“No, no. I get it. I’ll tell them it was family emergency or something.”
Her eyes scanned him over softly as he continued to pet your hair behind your head.
“She seems like a nice girl. Obviously loves you.”
“Yeah. She’s perfect…to me anyway.” His mother came around and took a seat on the other side of the sofa. “For that first year, I used to be terrified that she would leave me like you did. Now as I get older, sometimes I fear I’ll become like dad. Like there’s some dormant Munson gene that will snap into place at some point. Steve won’t say it out loud but I know he’s worried about the same thing…him becoming a prick like his father.”
“Eddie, you’re nothing like Allen.”
“Then why didn’t you come back for me?”
“Edward Munson, that had nothing to do with you. I swear on my life I never once thought you’d turn into him.”, she sighs as she leans back. “When you were a baby you always looked at me with these expressive eyes like you were taking in every little thing. Even when you got older… the night before I left, you gave me those same eyes but they were sadder. I felt like that was my fault. I brought you into this situation… he was hurting me and I was hurting you.”
“When I settled, I told myself I would send for you. Hell, I would even come and get you myself. When your grandma, my mom, told me Allen was arrested and you were with Wayne… that way you used to look at me flashed through my head. I thought ‘Maybe he’s better off with his uncle.”
“You could have sent me a letter at least or called…”
“I thought this was the best choice, Eddie. I genuinely did. I thought with me and your father out of your life now you can live yours to the fullest. I had no idea Allen had you alone after I left.”
Eddie nodded as he looked away, the gesture causing you to wake. You didn’t move or make any indication when you heard his mother’s voice.
“Eddie, I’m so sorry for what you went through. I really am. I’m not asking you to forgive me but whenever you’re ready I’d love to be a part of your life. Maybe you can come visit me…meet the kids.”
“Do they know about me?”
“Yeah and so does my husband. He’s, um, a bit of nerd but—” They both laugh and your heart explodes for him. “I’ll, um, let you get some sleep.” She pats his leg before standing and heading back towards his room.
“Are you alright?”, you ask as you caress his face.
“Hey. How long have you been awake?”
“Not long. What about you, Steve?”
“Jesus, woman. How did you know?”, the man rolls over to turn and face you both making you giggle.
“I sleep beside you, remember? I know what you look like asleep.”
“Pfft. Yeah, she woke me up when I heard her shoes heading for the door.”
“So, us fucking doesn’t wake you up but my mom’s shoes did?”
“I’m on high alert, Munson. Like you said…” Steve sits up and pulls his knees to his bare chest. “We’re family. I don’t just protect her but you to, man.”
“Thanks, Harrington.”, Eddie smiles. “Yeah, baby, to answer your question. I’m alright.”
You softly smile back at him when he kisses your forehead.
“Come on. Let’s lay down.” Sliding off him, you take his hand and lead him down to the inflatable bed.
“You look really sexy in this by the way.”, he playfully whispers as he lightly tugs at the long, oversized shirt Wayne gave you to sleep in. After taking off his own shirt, he slid in beside you and Steve did the same. His uncle had had given them both shorts to sleep but the material was relatively flimsy. Both their cocks pressed against you and you couldn’t help licking your lips at the feeling.
“Sir?” He answered you with a soft him as he pressed his nose to your cheek. “You can use me right now if you need to. I don’t mind. I know you’ve been through a lot today.” As you whisper your last sentence, his eyes open to look at yours, vaguely making them out in the dark.
“You’ve already done a lot for me these past few days, sweetheart.”
“I know. I also know that when you both feel out of control…controlling me makes you feel better.” A heavy breath escapes his lips as your nose grazes his. “And you know I definitely don’t mind that.”
“You’d have to be very quiet, baby girl. We also know that when we fuck you rough like that you get loud.”, Steve tuts.
“I can be quiet, Daddy. I promise.”
“I don’t want to be rough. Not like that anyway…”
“Uh oh.” You place your palm on his forehead, feeling his smile stretch against your cheek. “Are you dying?”
Taking a hold of your wrist, he wraps your arm around his neck as his free hand pushes down his shorts to release his cock from their hold and you lift your leg, moaning lightly when he runs his mushroom tip along the fabric of your underwear blocking your core.
“Hey. When we first met you even you admitted sometimes you like it vanilla.”
“If there’s one thing you aren’t, baby, it’s vanilla.”, you cooed, repeating those words he said to you that first night back to him.
Moving your underwear to the side, you both whimper as he slides into your entrance. His palm took hold of your thigh just below the back of your knee as he held it steady in the air. While he pumped into you at gentle but firm pace, he continually whispered things in your ear in a low, husky tone that had you clenching around him as you turned your head into the sound of his voice.
“I love you, Y/N, so much. I love that you’re ours, baby. Fuck… not just because of how good this fucking pussy feels but because—mmm—you take care of us to. You love us for us. Tell me that you love me, princess.”
“I love you, Sir. Shit…just like that, baby, please.”
His hair brushes against your face as he shakes his head and thrusts his hips a bit harder into yours causing you to cling to the other boy’s wrist that was occasionally bumping into your side as he stroked his cock while he listened to you moan and whimper.
“Me… sweetheart. Tell me that you love me…please…”
You wished you could see his face better as you gripped his cheek and kissed his lips. Your thumb caressed along his features as you told him what he needed to hear.
“I love you, Eddie Munson. Yes, baby. I belong to you, Eddie. It’s been a while since I’ve said that but I’ve never forgotten. Mmm! I’m yours. I’ll always be here for you. Always.”
His breath warmed your face as he picked up his rhythm, hitting that spot inside of you that had you melting into him. Steve reached for your hand, running his tongue along your palm, and placed it around his length that throbbed in your grasp. You kissed his lips as the metalhead lightly bit into the area between your neck and shoulder, grunting when he felt your pussy flutter around him as you came.
Eddie clung to your body chasing his release until you mewled as he warmed your insides. The other boy quickly rose to his knees, stroking his cock till he came on your tummy.
In the dark, he reached for your hand and both boys guided you into the bathroom. Just like old times, Steve hopped onto the counter while, Eddie got the shower started. Cupping his face in your hands, you leaned forward to tenderly kiss his lips.
“I love you to, Steve Harrington. I’m yours and I’ll always be here for you.”, you whisper before he smiles and kisses you again.
#############
“Hey Lynn. Good to see you’re still here.”, Wayne grinned sassily before handing her a cup of coffee.
She offers him a half smile and a polite thank you as she takes the cup from his hands.
“Definitely a unique situation, huh?”, she asks as she gestures to where you three were sleeping.
“I think what makes it more unique is that it’s genuine at such a young age. They’ve been really good for each other. When Steven started coming over, that’s when Eddie started getting out of his shell a bit more. Then they met Y/N and everything went up from there.”
“He said her parents were the only one to approve?”
“Not at first but after about a month they came around. Bill on the other hand…”
“Bill was always an asshole.”
“Yeah but I didn’t think he’d stoop so low as to call a young girl a whore who brainwashed his son.” He nodded when her eyes widened. “Oh, yeah. Don’t worry. Her father punched him in the face.”
“Good. Fuck him.” They both chuckled as they drank their beverages.
After you guys woke up, Wayne made breakfast while casual conversation was made with Eddie telling his mother all things you three had done together like your trip to New York and the prom they had created for you. As the afternoon came to a close, Lynn had to leave and the metalhead walked her to her car while you and Steve hung back.
“I’ll call you when I land and we can set up a time for you three to come visit.”, she grins.
Without a word, Eddie leans forward to hug her and you smile as you watch her circle her arms around him as she holds him tightly to her tiny frame.
***
“I stole this from your room.”, you announce as you hand the Wizard of Oz book to Eddie who was leaning outside of his window in your apartment smoking. “Your uncle said it was like your security blanket.”
“Shit. Yeah it was. I didn’t even realize I left it.
Steve came up behind you, taking you in his arms and resting his chin on your head as you leaned against him.
“Why that book?”, he asked.
“It was the first book I remember my mother reading to me. It’s also the first time I remember my dad coming home drunk screaming about some mundane shit. It was nice being able to disappear into a fantasy land for a time. As I got older, I guess it just…made me feel safe.”
His eyes glance towards you both before flipping absently through the pages.
“When my mom left I would read it to myself especially during those first six months. Allen was, uh, really ruthless.”
Eddie spent the rest of the evening opening up to you and Steve about what happened to him. When he finished, he seemed so much lighter as if a weight had been lifted from his chest. You made him dinner while they both played some fighting game on the expensive console they saved up for. When we went to bed that night he held you tightly to his side while he played with your hair.
“Y/N?” You answered with a soft hm to which he responded by tenderly kissing your forehead. “Thank you.”
###########
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#steddie x reader#steddie fluff#steddie smut#steddie fanfiction#steddie#eddie munson#steve harrington#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson smut#eddie fanfic#eddie stranger things#steve fanfic#steve smut#steve stranger things#joe keery#joseph quinn#stranger things#fan fiction#steddie x you#steddie x y/n#steve fluff#dom!steve harrington#dom!eddie#sub reader#steddie x plussizereader#steve x plus size reader#eddie x plus size reader#plus size reader
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i’ll look after you
mentor!coriolanus snow x victor!fem!reader
content warning: talks of murder, hurt, comfort, mentions of blood
do not copy or post my work anywhere else.
coryo, coryo, coryo.
his name replayed in your mind like a prayer. you just wanted to see him. it was all you could think of right now. he was all you could think of right now.
your hands shook as you stare down at them and tears uncontrollably rolled down your cheeks. you were in shock. you had been dragged from the arena only moments ago and now you were stuck in a cold room with nothing but a dim chandelier and some capitol flags to decorate it.
upon hearing the door open, you jumped. in some ways it felt like you were still in the arena. this was one of them. you were constantly on edge, every little sound triggering your anxiety and a bone chilling shiver.
your eyes met the cerulean ones you had started to find comfort in and before you knew it, you were breaking down again. your legs buckled and you dropped onto your knees as sobs wracked your body.
“hey hey hey,” he panicked as he jogged over to kneel beside you. “just breathe, angel. you’re okay. you’re safe now.”
he took your face in his gentle hands, cupping your cheeks and tilting your head up so you could look at him. seeing your teary eyes lack their usual glimmer he began to love was almost making his own start to water. “i—i can’t,” you stammered.
his thumb swept back and forth across your cheekbone as he leaned up to press a soft kiss to your forehead. “yes you can, sweetheart. take a deep breathe. can you do that for me, honey?” he placed his hands on your cheeks again, redirecting your gaze so it was on him once more. “breathe with me.”
your eyes watched his closely through the thick tears, inhaling with him and slowly exhaling in sync. you did this three more times to allow your breathing to slow.
he gave you a soft smile. “see? you did so well for me, angel.” his hands lowered to hold your smaller ones in his. “c’mon. lets get you on your feet.”
he stood up himself and dragged you up just seconds after. you were immediately wrapping your arms around his neck and hiding your face in the crook of his neck against his red blazer.
“its okay, angel. i’ve got you,” he whispered softly as he wrapped his arms around your waist while his hand rubbed circles over your back. “you’re safe with me. ‘m not gonna let them touch you ever again.”
“i killed them, coryo,” you mumbled sadly. “i’m a murderer.”
you could feel him shake his head. “no. no, you’re not a murderer,” he affirmed, holding you a little tighter now. “you were protecting yourself. you did what you were told, sweetheart. and i’m so proud of you.”
his heart broke at the sobs that escaped your lips. “the water. i thought—i thought maybe coral or—or someone else in that group would drink it,” you cried. “i didn’t mean for it to be dill. i didn’t want it to be her.”
he pulled away from you to add just a few inches between your bodies so he could look at you properly. “i know, honey, i know,” he frowned. “but that wasn’t your fault. you couldn’t control who drank that water. and besides, you helped her. you saved her from the snakes. she died a much less painful death.”
“coryo,” you whimpered. the pain in your chest wasn’t from physical pain, just the guilt that hung heavy. “i’m so sorry.”
he immediately began to shake his head. “you don’t need to apologize for anything. you did nothing wrong,” he assured softly. “i trust that highbottom told you what i did.” you nodded to confirm his assumption. “we all do things we aren’t proud of. but we did it to protect ourselves, right? you can’t blame this on yourself.”
deep down, you knew he was right. it was do or die in that arena. kill or be killed. you can’t dwell on something you can’t change. “did you get your prize money?” you asked sheepishly.
he smiled sadly at you and kissed your forehead. “no,” he muttered under his breath. “and thats okay. as long as you’re safe.”
you sighed and let your eyes trail down to the ground by your feet. “thank you for mentoring me, coryo. for protecting me in there.”
his pointer finger and thumb gently grasped the tip of your chin and lifted it before you felt his soft plush lips on yours and his hands on your waist.
your body froze for a moment, melting and becoming completely pliant in his embrace. you smiled into the kiss and brought your hands up to gently tug at his blonde curls by his neck.
and when you two did finally pull away due to the lack of air, you shared a dopey smile. “i’m glad it was you, sweetheart. i couldn’t imagine it being anyone else,” he said before pulling your body closer into his and pressing his lips to yours again.
#coriolanus snow#coriolanus x reader#coriolanus x you#coriolanus smut#coryo snow#coryo x reader#coryolanus snow#corio snow#coriolanus fanfiction#coriolanus imagine#the hunger games#tbosas#young coriolanus snow#tom blyth
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Alastor x Fem! Reader {soulmates} Part 12
Synopsis: soulmate AU where you have the same mark on your body as your soulmate, and if your soulmate dies, you die too. Alastor needs to make sure that his soulmate is safe so he can continue his reign - whatever that takes. Though it looks like we have a couple secrets of our own.
Previous part
Part 12: bad memories
TRIGGER WARNING: strong mentions of sexual assault
Author’s note:
The next few chapters might be a bit dark but they have to be in order to move the story in the direction I want. I’ll be writing a summary in the footnote for anyone who wants to skip this part. Keep in mind, I’m writing this story for myself as well.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I started taking my magic training into my own hands.
When Alastor was busy doing one of his many radio broadcasts, I was in the library searching through the various books. Husker sat on the window seat with a bottle of alcohol, listening to my random mumbles. I wasn't really talking to him but every now and then he made a comment to kickstart my thoughts again.
I had books laid out on all the tables and chairs. Surely this shouldn't be hard to figure out and Husker had to have some insight to it. So I started with something simple: turning water into ice. I read the books on water magic and read about some of the science behind it. Water molecules start to move slower and stick together. So it was just very condensed water.
Husker watched me fail the first time and splash water on myself. I casted a cup on him and he jumped from his seat with a hiss and hair sticking up. The second time I half succeeded. The water in the cup solidified into water for a moment before instantly melting. I tried a few more times until it stayed as ice without melting.
I put the cup down and tried something different. I casted the water out of the glass and twirled it into a constantly moving ball of water in my palm. I already knew how to control water from my fighting days so this part wasn't hard. I cupped my hand over the moving ball and imagined it slowing down until it was a frozen cluster. I felt it weigh down on my hand but forced myself to focus until I was sure that it had turned completely into ice.
Pulling my hand back, I revealed a perfect sphere of ice.
"Nice job," Husker congratulated in his own grumpy way. This felt like the first big step as the rest of my experiments started to work on the second try. I combined water and fire to create steam and filled the room with it, quickly sending it out the window before it ruined the books. Telekinesis was my next easy experiment.
I could draw the curtains and slam the doors like Alastor did. I could move chairs and tables around and put books back on their shelf. I laughed as I put the library back to its original state, paper and books flying past me. They all slid back into place and I planted my hands on my hips. I had done it.
"Impressive."
I bristled at Alastor's voice, turning to face the Radio Demon with a scowl. I noticed the fowl aura of hatred coming from Husker. Picking up on emotions became easy thanks to my keen sense of smell. Alastor remained a concrete wall.
"Rosie will be arriving shortly. I thought you might want to actually prepare yourself this time."
I crossed my arms. "I'm always prepared to deal with you so I think I will be alright."
His cold presence ran down my spine and I shivered. "Are you so sure?"
I raised my body temperature and pushed back against him. His eyes narrowed at me despite my inability to remove him completely from my mind. Our shadows growled at each other on the wall.
During the session with Rosie, she taught me to build another shield outside the one I already had. Once I had built two new shields, she attempted to push through. At first it was easy to keep her away but then she grew more aggressive. I was shocked at the sudden aggression from the sweet lady, my shields wavering but never falling. My fear had only reinforced the shields more.
"Outstanding!" she said at last, clapping her hands. I was out of breath as I clung to the seat. These sessions always left me so tired and ragged. Though it made me feel better when I saw her dab at her forehead with a handkerchief. "Now, take a quick break before we start the next thing. Get some fresh air, dearie."
I was expecting to be done for the day. When she didn't take her eyes off me I took that as my cue to leave the room. I had just barely closed the door when I heard her say something softly to Alastor. My nerves went through the roof.
Husker stood outside the kitchen door with me. The snow was starting to melt away, revealing little patches of grass here and there. The sun was setting into the ocean, casting a gently orange glow against the house.
"You'll be fine. You've managed through everything else so far," Husker tried to reassure me. My nerves seemed to only worsen with every passing minute. I kept fiddling with my claws and tapping my tail on the ground.
Eventually, Rosie called me in. The chairs had been pulled close again and a pitcher of water sat on a table nearby. Alastor waited patiently in one of the chairs, hands folded properly in his lap. His smile didn't seem genuine as Rosie led me to one of the chairs.
"Now dear, we're going to go through one of your more difficult memories. I want you to practice pulling yourself out of a memory when you're afraid. You'll have to learn to control your emotions to pull yourself out. Do you think you can do that?"
I nodded and swallowed hard. I wondered why Alastor was sitting close to me but then I remembered that he had been the one to pull me out of the dark memory of Striker that fateful day.
"Pick one of your worst memories."
I took a slow, deep breath and closed my eyes. I fell into my memories with my various shields still in place. I was only watching the memory, not partaking in it. I tried to keep my heart from speeding up too much as the memory unfolded.
My hardest fight yet was against an adult. They had a crazed look on their face, a look of fear, desperation, starvation, and a lack of humanity. He acted like an animal as he chased after me in the ring. He broke my wrist and leg before I managed to dig my fingers into his eye sockets and end his life with a punch to the throat.
Something sweet filled my nose but I didn't pay it any attention.
Striker yelled and lectured me as I had my wrist and leg wrapped by the healer. He had a heavy, painful grip on my shoulder as he led me back to my cage. He slammed the cage door shut and stormed out. Not too long after, someone else opened my cage door.
They slammed something into my face, momentarily shocking me. I came to as they strapped a magic-reducing helmet to my head. The dark figure loomed over and started grabbing at me. I screamed for help but he stuffed a gag into my mouth.
"Come out of it, sweetheart." Rosie called.
I tried to relax but the panic was too much. I didn’t recognize this memory. Was it another attack?
I fought against them but my injuries made it nearly impossible. Tears streamed down at my face as I screamed my throat hoarse. I raked my nails down any inch of skin I could find.
"Sweetheart, now. You have to come out."
The corners of the room grew dark until I was staring at nothing but the man's face. I reached for his eyes many times but he kept pushing them away. I choked on the helplessness and fear until everything around me was pitch black.
I was standing now. Someone was calling for me but it was faint, too faint. I looked around at the darkness. I spun around in circles, strangely calm, and stared at nothing. I was just here. Existing, but not. Was I still in my mind? Surely I had to be.
A cold feather brushed against my cheek. I turned but there was no one there. It happened again but on my neck. It spread from there, reaching into my brain and down through my entire body. I was freezing all of a sudden. There was nothing to keep me warm so I wrapped my arms around myself.
Then I sensed three presences. I recognized Husker's first. It was warm and calm, but a hint of panic. Why was he panicking? What was wrong?
Next I recognized Alastor's. He was inside my head unlike Husker who was surrounding my body.
Then I recognized Rosie's presence. Hers was kind but firm. She also seemed to be panicked. Why was everyone panicking? Was something happening?
The black environment turned red as anger filled my chest. I was furious. I don't know what at but I needed to release it. I wanted to claw something, to kill someone. I wanted to slice someone's throat who caused people nothing but harm. They deserved to leave this world and being thrown into Hell to be eaten by the Demons who lived there.
I felt someone pulling on me. My legs slid out from under me and I was lying on my back, still angry. Then the anger slipped from my fingertips, quickly replaced by fear. The man's face appeared out of the red wall and I found myself trapped under him again. I choked on my fear and gag as I fought him. I tried throwing my weight around but he was far too heavy. I felt him bite down on my neck.
Not this. Not this. Not this. Not this. Please! NOT THIS!
I recognized the memory.
I grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled it hard. He yelled as I dug my fingers into his eyes like my previous opponent. He grabbed both wrists and slammed them hard into the cage floor. My legs weren't working. Why wouldn't they work?
"Come out of it," I heard Husker yell.
"Sweetheart it's a memory. It's not actually happening," Rosie said.
I cried as the memory continued. I bit down on the man's hand but he just pulled my hands further away from my face. I tried curling in on myself but it did nothing. His other hand moved roughly over my skin as I screamed into the gag.
I felt Alastor's presence come from behind me. I squeezed my eyes shut and dipped into my mindscape. "Alastor!" I yelled as the memory dragged me back through my shields. I felt his presence wrap around my head and saw nothing but red. It felt like a string was being pulled out of my ear as he pushed me into the safety of my shields.
"You're safe. Come out of your head," he instructed.
I closed my eyes, pushing away the forbidden memory, and opened my eyes to the library. All three of them were surrounding me, staring down with panic-stricken faces. Alastor opened his eyes and took his hand from my forehead. His eyebrows were the only thing that told me he was upset.
Husker pulled me up to a sitting position as Rosie practically shoved a glass of water down my throat. I took several moments to catch my breath, the two of them trying to help calm me. I stared at the carpet and tried to think of anything other than that horrid memory. I didn’t know I even had that memory.
"You're back, and you're safe," Husker said, holding out his paw. I took it and let him help me into a chair. I leaned back into the seat and looked around at the dark library. I was back in the house. I was safe. Relatively.
"What happened?" I asked, still out of breath.
"You visited a...terrible memory that you couldn't pull out of," Rosie answered. "I was expecting you to use the same memory as last time. I wasn't expecting that."
"I didn't...that wasn't...that was a memory I had blocked away. I've never...I haven't been able to remember that night in years...so...why could I this time?"
Rosie went quiet and looked over at Alastor. He stood staring out one of the windows with his arms folded behind him. When enough silence had passed, he finally turned to look at me. "We used the same drug that was used on you the night it first happened."
"What?” My voice bounced off the walls. “What drug?“
"You had a small amount that night," he walked over to us, "It's a common drug used by a certain Demon to control their victims." He paused. "We thought you might be ready for another dose, but I can see we were mistaken. We rushed the process."
"Did..." I slowly looked over at Rosie, "did everyone...see it? The memory?"
"I'm afraid so, darling. We had to when we tried to pull you back out."
I lowered my head to stare at the floor. My clawed feet were just as black as before. If I had this side of me my whole life, I could've avoided it. I could've saved myself. Instead, here I was learning mind magic and revealing everything to three random Demons.
My throat tightened and tears started to well in my eyes. I abruptly left the room. I went to my bedroom, locked the door, then into the bathroom and locked that one too. I curled up in the corner of the room between the bathtub and the shower...and broke down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author’s summary:
Reader attempts mind magic again. When she visits a difficult memory, Alastor holds a memory-controlling-drug up to her nose. This creates more of a challenge for her and ends up sending her into a memory she had blocked away. She barely manages to pull herself out, if it wasn’t for Alastor and the others helping.
#alastor the radio demon#alastor x reader#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel#hazbin husk#soulmate au#soulmates#hazbin hotel husk#reqs open
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The One That Got Away - Prologue
Prologue
Warnings: tw: house fire, tw: child abuse, tw: physical abuse, tw: verbal abuse, tw: mentions of underage sex (Dean and reader are 17), flashbacks, nightmares, angst, fluff, Dean being all cute, language.
Words: 1.7k
Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x Female Reader
A/N: There are TRIGGER WARNINGS in this part - please heed these, and if you think you’ll be affected by any of them, please do not read. I didn't have a beta for this, so all mistakes are mine.
A/N2: This has been a labour of love that took two years to complete. It has my blood, sweat, and tears (literally!) in it. I'm incredibly pround of this one, and I'm both nervous and excitied to share it with you all. I hope you enjoy reading it! 💖
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Y/N woke to see grey smoke swirling above her head, and it was hot… too hot. Climbing from her bed, she runs to the door and reaches for the handle, but it burns her hand, and she cries. She hears voices in the hallway just before she hears Daddy yell: “Y/N! Get away from the door!”
She runs back to her bed, trembling with fear as the door crashes open. She sees Daddy but is too scared to move. An orange glow surrounds him, and the heat and smoke are unbearable.
“Come here, pumpkin. I need you to be a big, brave girl, okay,” Daddy shouts over the inferno. Y/N sobs but nods her head and carefully goes to him. He picks her up and covers her head with a wet towel.
She can see nothing but hears everything; roaring flames, crackling wood, and her mommy screaming at her daddy: “Hurry! Get Y/N out! You need to get her out! Get my baby out of here!”
Y/N’s body shakes as Daddy runs downstairs with her in his arms. The front door opens, and she has never been so happy to breathe.
Sirens are blaring all around her, and she sees the fire truck lights flashing through the makeshift hood wrapped around her head.
“Danny?” Uncle Bobby yells over the noise. “Is Y/N okay? Where’s Caroline?”
“Y/N’s fine, I’ve got her, but Caroline’s still inside. Bobby, take her,” Daddy says, handing her over to him. “I need to go back in and—”
“No! It’s too dangerous! Help is here. Where is she?”
“Bedroom. I- I don’t even know what happ–ˮ
The loudest noise she’s ever heard suddenly booms around her and shakes the ground. She screams and curls further into Uncle Bobby as breaking glass and what sounds like a lion’s roar fill the air. The makeshift hood falls from Y/N’s face as Uncle Bobby spins and drops to his knees, curling his body over hers.
And then she hears Daddy scream…
Waking with a gasp and a start, it took Y/N a minute to process where she was.
“Hey, hey, shh… it’s okay. I gotcha, it’s just a bad dream,” Dean’s honey-smooth voice murmured in her ear, and she turned her head to look at him.
“Sorry, De,” she grumbled and snuggled further into his chest.
“Wanna talk about it?” he asked as he pressed his lips to the top of her head and gently trailed his fingers up and down her arm. She took a minute to sort through her thoughts. It’d been a while since she’d had that nightmare.
“No, I’m okay,” she finally answered her boyfriend.
“The fire?” Dean murmured as he placed another kiss on the crown of her head. Y/N nodded but stayed silent. She didn’t know what to say. Her dreams constantly replayed this memory when she was scared or under pressure. If she considered her father’s latest drunk and disorderly, the impending SATs and college acceptance letters, she knew it was only a matter of time before it reared its ugly head again.
“Does this have anything to do with the college letters that came this morning?” Dean asked gently.
To the outside world, she lived with the Winchesters. Their house was her registered address for school, medical appointments, the DMV, and her savings account with the bank. All her mail came here, so her father didn’t interfere. Not that she got much anyway, she was only seventeen, but she did get mail from the bank and, more recently, a few college letters.
She was in big trouble if her father even caught a whisper of her leaving for college. “It’s…” she sighed and took a few seconds before speaking again. “It’s a lot of things. My father, SATs, college. I’m not surprised it came back now.”
“Have you opened the letters yet?” he asked quietly.
“No,” she responded, lowering her head to his shoulder.
“Why not?” Dean placed two fingers under her chin, gently forcing her gaze back to the candy-apple green eyes she fell in love with years ago.
“I’m scared, De,” she admitted.
Dean shifts on the bed and turns on his side to look at her. “What are you scared of, baby?”
“Everything. I’m scared that I didn’t get in, and I’m scared that I did. I’m scared to leave home but even more scared to stay. But most of all, I’m scared of going through all this without you,” she confessed.
“You have to do what’s right for you, Y/N/N. And if that means leaving, then you need to leave. The selfish part of me wants you to stay and go to the University of Kansas, but at the same time, I’ll be so pissed if I’m the reason you stay here.”
“Dean…”
“Princess,” he interrupted her. “I love you, and I know you love me. I understand that you want to leave, trust me. I can’t bear seeing him hurt you. The bruises…” Dean reached out to her neck, and his fingers ghosted over the fading fingerprint blemishes dotting her skin. He huffed a breath, trying to keep his emotions in check.
“He could’ve killed you, Y/N. I’d rather watch you leave and know you’re safe than watch you be buried at the hands of that monster.” A tear slipped down his cheek, and she reached out and gently wiped it away.
“I know if any of those letters are an acceptance, you’re leaving Kansas. I’ve always known that. And I know us breaking up is the best thing, but fuck, it sucks,” his hand curled around the back of her neck, and he leaned in to kiss her forehead.
“I know, De,” she whispered. “But I’d rather we walked away on our terms than have our hearts broken from hundreds of miles away. What if you meet someone else?”
“Wouldn’t happen,” Dean said adamantly.
“You don’t know that!” Y/N chuckled; the bittersweet tone in it was hard to hide. “It’s four years, Dean. Minimum. What if one of us is in a bar or at a party and the temptation is too much? Or we’re too drunk to realise what we’re doing?” she tried to reason. “And it’s not that I don’t trust you, De. I trust you with my life. But that doesn’t mean we won’t do something stupid that we regret later. It’s better this way than…”
“One of us getting that phone call. I know, sweetheart,” Dean sighed.
The intensity of Dean’s gaze filled her with overwhelming sadness, and she couldn't stand it, so she glanced at his alarm clock to avoid it. As she realised the time, fear rippled through her. “Shit! I need to go.”
Y/N flew off the bed and stumbled, trying to put on her shoes. “Dad might actually kill me this time if I miss curfew again,” she tried to lighten the atmosphere by adding a chuckle. Dean responded with a small smile, but they both knew the truth in her statement.
SIX MONTHS LATER
Everything Y/N owned is squeezed into her beat-up Mustang. Uncle Bobby, John, and Dean had worked on the car for hours to make it road safe and ready for its 600 mile trip. All summer, she’d worked all the hours she could at the diner, saving every penny for her new life in Chicago.
All four colleges she’d applied to had sent acceptance letters, but the University of Illinois offered her a full scholarship which she just couldn’t pass up. Her savings and paychecks had bought her a car and would’ve been enough to provide the first few semesters of tuition fees, but being able to use that money to get a decent head start in a new city and not have to worry about the rest of her tuition, was a huge relief.
As she packed up the last of her belongings with Uncle Bobby and Jody, she thanked her lucky stars that her father had been picked up for being drunk and disorderly again last night. Of course, Jody had conveniently ‘misplaced’ her father’s paperwork, so he wouldn’t be released until she went back to the precinct, and by then, she’d be on the freeway. And by the time he realised she hadn’t come home at curfew, she’d be about to leave Missouri.
Y/N owed Jody so much and knew she’d never be able to repay the older woman. Jody had always looked out for her and always had Y/N’s back. It certainly hadn’t been the first time the Sheriff had left her father in a cell overnight to give her some respite from dealing with his drunkenness.
When she told Uncle Bobby she had no intention of returning to Lawrence until her father was gone, he and Jody booked a slot at City Hall to get married and asked her and Dean to be their witnesses. Y/N was delighted to be able to share their special day with them.
Saying goodbye to them was hard, but her goodbye with Dean last night had been so much worse. As she pulled out onto the main road that led out of town, she sighed deeply as her memory flashed back to last night.
Y/N and Dean had spent the whole night together, their true feelings escaping them in the throes of passion. It wasn’t their first time together, but it was the most special, closely followed by the time they took each other’s virginity when they were both sixteen.
Her feelings for Dean ran deep. He’d always owned her heart, and after a night of raw, emotional lovemaking, she knew he always would. Who knew? Maybe one day she’d come back to Lawrence, come back to him. But it wasn’t fair for either of them to live on a maybe.
“Ask me to stay,” Y/N whispered in the darkness of her bedroom. Both of them naked, sweating, and basking in their afterglows.
“You know I can’t do that, Princess. I want to, but I can’t,” he responded, his voice cracking with emotion before he kissed her bare shoulder. Her lip trembled, but she swallowed her tears and rolled over to straddle his waist.
“Then make love to me again, Dean.”
She wiped a tear from her cheek and grinned wildly at the road sign despite her sad emotions.
“YOU ARE NOW LEAVING LAWRENCE”
Next Chapter >>
Tag List: @deans-baby-momma @deans-spinster-witch @leigh70 @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27 @candy-coated-misery0731 @iprobablyshipit91 @twinkleinadiamondsky @mrsjenniferwinchester @spnwoman @snackles87 @perpetualabsurdity @hoboal87 @synmorite @nancymcl @trannydean @nic-kolas @jc-winchester @winchestergirl1720 @globetrotter28 @nelachu2423 @kayleighmeister @venicesem @ladysparkles78 @roseblue373
#the one that got away#firefighter!dean winchester x reader#au dean winchester x reader#tw: child abuse#tw: physical abuse#tw: verbal abuse#tw: alcoholism#firefighter!dean winchester#dean winchester x reader
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messages to remember over this holiday period • pick-a-card
merry christmas y’all 🎄💗
• pile one •
you might be either forced to be around people (presumably family or just close people) who have done you wrong. spirit is asking you to trust that they’ll receive their karma - because what comes around goes around fr. these mfs have karma that’s on its way like an amazon prime package, okay? it’s coming. quickly. spirit is suggesting that you try to blind yourself to their pain. especially if they’re talking mad shit to you with their snide ass remarks or nitpicking over this christmas? trust that you have nothing to fear. try to blind yourself to the pain and the fear that these people want you so badly to feel. it might be difficult but it’s in your best interest this christmas because people could really be trying you at that fucking dinner table. being nonchalant and acting oblivious to their remarks is part of their karma.
significant numbers: 26, 13, 25
astrological signs/placements: jupiter/sagittarius, saturn/capricorn, scorpio/pluto, leo/sun
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• pile two •
this might be a specific message for someone, but there’s someone who feels trapped in a relationship/marriage that you’re going to be around this christmas. this person needs your natural energy, so try to give them some of that. a lot of care. this could even be your mother. through your conversations with this person, they’ll find something enlightening that brings them one step closer to taking back their control from someone who’s keeping them tethered to them. the seed will be planted.
for others of you, i’m seeing that spirit is saying that your family may need you right now. even if you don’t spend the entirety of the christmas period with them, make sure that you’re making time for them. don’t keep yourself just tethered to your partner around this time. this partner may be somewhat controlling. don’t allow them to isolate you from people within your family. i’m seeing specifically for some of you that this is a younger sibling or multiple siblings around you that would like to see you.
over this holiday, you’re going to be releasing yourself from some type of control that someone or something has over you.
significant numbers: 44, 21, 27
astrological signs/placements: pluto in 12th house, taurus in a water house/water planets in taurus, libra/7th house placements (perhaps pluto in 7th or scorpio in 7th house) - check your astrological transits for your birth chart. that could give you extra messages.
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• pile three •
there may be some clear signs about someone or some people around you that you’ve been picking up on for a while now. this christmas period is bringing you a lot of confirmation on what you’ve been noticing about them in the past. perhaps particularly about someone who has a very cold and unsympathetic energy. perhaps someone who’s constantly angry too. watch out for this person picking arguments as a way to try to ruin people’s holiday with their bs.
there’s also a message to not feel guilty or bad about feeling however tf you feel about these people. or about the holidays in general. whether this is wanting to be left alone or holding someone accountable for something. it could be anything tbh.
there may be a transmutation of your anger throughout this holiday period. i’m not sure into what exactly but whatever it is, it’s going to be used to direct yourself onto the right path within something. there may be triggers coming up but you can turn these things into motivation.
significant numbers: 4, 22, 34
astrological signs/placements: heavy scorpio placements, aries/mars, pisces/12th house placements, pluto in 12th house
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wanda maximoff fic recs
you are responsible for the content you consume‼️
⑅୨୧* sorority!wanda blurb wanda maximoff x reader | fluff
-sorority!wanda being a mean girl in front of everyone but being the softest girlfriend ever in private?
⑅୨୧* four-eyes wanda maximoff x reader | fluff, mentions of violence
-Having just ran out of contacts, Y/n has to resort to wearing glasses around the compound for the time being. Knowing she’d get teased by her loving teammates, she wasn’t looking forward to it. But her girlfriend, Wanda, might feel differently.
⑅୨୧* dreaming of you wanda maximoff x reader | minors dni! angst with happy ending, some fluff, college au!wanda maximoff x reader, artist!reader, wanda is in love, cheating, mentions of drinking, toxic boyfriend named tyler bc i didn’t know what else to name him, one smut scene; top!wanda, bottom!reader, oral and fingering (r receiving), praise kink
-while being constantly ignored by your boyfriend, wanda decides to keep you company for the night and eventually, for the rest of the weeks that follow, wanting more than just sex with you and vows to show you the kind of love you truly deserve.
⑅୨୧* are you a devil or an angel? wanda maximoff x reader | 18+!!! smut, mommy wanda, d/s, strap-ons, ass groping, halloween costumes w short skirts, degradation kind of
-kitchen strap-on sex on halloween
⑅୨୧* ITS BRIGHTER NOW wanda maximoff x reader | mentions of battle, injury, anxiety, overall just fluff and comfort for arguably the best avengers and their girlfriend
-until you met your girls, you once believed love would be burning red, but it turns out, it’s everything in between, and that couldn’t be more golden. i wanna be defined by the things that i love, not the things i hate, not the things that i’m afraid of, not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night, i just think that you are what you love
⑅୨୧* off limits wanda maximoff x fem!reader | minors dni please. college au!, fuckgirl!sorority president!wanda, dom!wanda, jealousy, possessiveness, bottom!reader, smut! – mirror sex, semi-public sex, overstimulation, fingering, marking/hickeys
-wanda hates the way everyone is ogling at you, and makes sure to remind everyone that you are, very much, off limits.
⑅୨୧* kept and wanted wanda maximoff x reader | 18+, minors DNI; smut; fingering (r giving); lowkey Wanda manipulating the situation because she got everyone out of the house?; pet names (good girl, sweetheart, baby); semi-clothed sex; good gay lap sits; probably other things that I'm forgetting rn but literally just.. more of my sorority!AU stuff
-Wanda heard of your crush, but you never acted on it. That was fine until she saw you talking to other girls, then it became her job to take you away before anyone else could.
⑅୨୧* morning grumpy witch wanda maximoff x reader | all fluff with Avengers being a family and Wanda being a simp.
-The one where moody Emo!Wanda has a bad morning, but luckily, she also has a soft spot saved for her girlfriend.
⑅୨୧* it's our party sorority!wanda maximoff x reader | swear words, mentions of alcohol, and slight angst
-sorority president Wanda Maximoff, who you also happen to have a huge crush on, invites you to the biggest party of the year. What could possibly go wrong?
⑅୨୧* under the sky of glass protective!wanda maximoff x reader | The reader has a panic attack, so tw for those who are triggered by panic attacks.
⑅୨୧* mayday wanda maximoff x reader
-You and Wanda are paired on a mission and it ends a little sideways.
⑅୨୧* between the sheets wanda maximoff x fem!reader | smut
-Having a little 'alone time' while your roommate was at work seemed like a great way to relieve some stress. What could go wrong?
⑅୨୧* envy in your eyes wanda maximoff x fem!reader | hurt/comfort, angst, happy ending
-wanda has been distant lately and you don’t know why. One day, you attend a gala in place of your colleague and find her with Vision. What does it all mean?
⑅୨୧* ashes of absolution wanda maximoff x witch!reader | murder, descriptions of people burning and dying and blood, praise, foreplay (finger stuff), this is set way back when so no modern times here, established relationship.
-there's no line wanda wouldn’t cross to protect you.
⑅୨୧* love language wanda maximoff x fem!civilianreader | just some fluff. Mentions of hearing loss and sign languages.
-After Thanos, Wanda retires, along with a long term effect from all the missions she had and then she met you.
⑅୨୧* maybe you were the ocean wanda maximoff x gn!reader | heavy angst, character death, bittersweet ending
-wanda was... an open-ended chapter in your life.
⑅୨୧* sweetheart wanda maximoff x fem!reader | minors dni. smut!!, bit of angst?, kinda fluffy towards the end, milf!wanda, mommy!dom!wanda, babysitter!reader, bottom!reader, unspecified age gap, jealousy, mommy kink, fingering (r! receiving), multiple orgasms, mutual pining.
-constant stress had filled the gaps in wanda’s life after her ex-husband left the family and balancing work and her kids had started to take a toll on her. in search of relief, wanda hires you as a babysitter, not knowing she’d be falling for you.
⑅୨୧* mess is mine milf!wanda maximoff x reader | language, brief smut, divorced ladies who are very still much in love with each other, unspecified age gap, marriage going wrong, hopeful ending, mild angst, fluff
-being divorced from wanda maximoff implies never getting over her.
⑅୨୧* a beautiful mess wanda maximoff x f!reader | college AU; Nat x Yelena x Sibling!R Wanda is a bit of a Fuckboy, aka, Angst -> Fluff | Themes of Insecurity | Violence/Injury, smut
-Wanda is a bit of a Fuckboy
⑅୨୧* fear, hope and guilt wanda maximoff x reader | angst
-wanda finds out that you're pregnant in the hospital while you fight for your life.
⑅୨୧* edge of the pool milf!neighbor!wanda x fem!reader | SMUT, MINORS DNI. age gap, pool sex, semi-public sex? i mean it's in Wanda's backyard?, fingering, oral, choking, mommy kink, strap-on.
-you moved into a nice neighborhood during the winter. Ms. Maximoff, your neighbor, has recently had a pool installed.
⑅୨୧* don't keep to yourself wanda maximoff x reader
-wanda is still scared of her powers and being close to reader but reader isn’t scared at all and kisses her hands to prove it (like vision does) and make it so fluffy please
⑅୨୧* the world won't stop for us wanda maximoff x reader
-wanda and reader waking up on the morning they have to go to wakanda (during infinity war). neither of them are eager get out of bed.
⑅୨୧* the world won’t stop for us; part two wanda maximoff x reader | blood, r is stabbed, death (tony and natasha), cursing, 1.4k
-getting blipped back was, without a doubt, the most disorienting thing you had ever experienced. one minute you had turned to dust, holding onto wanda - who had started turning to dust moments after you had - as if it would keep you there. the next, you were brought back, sitting on the same ground in wakanda with wanda, except vision’s body was gone, and the seasons had changed. part one
⑅୨୧* not now, not ever wanda maximoff x reader | blood, R was stabbed, cursing, 2.1k
-reader and wanda spend a month on a mission together, going from hotel room to hotel room and sleeping in the same bed. reader gets hurt because she does something stupid and wanda is mad at her, but they have a hard time staying away from each other.
⑅୨୧* so scarlett it was wanda maximoff x reader
-wanda was the most intriguing girl you ever met. and she liked you, but people always leave.
⑅୨୧* you make a great fake girlfriend wanda maximoff x reader | language, sexual situations? (no smut tho), casual drinking
-“agent Y/l/n, mr. rogers and ms. romanoff have requested your presence in the office.”
⑅୨୧* (she will always be) a broken girl wanda x fem!reader | lots of cursing, smoking, drinking, very brief mentions of smut, mentions of physical parental abuse, mentions of homophobia, angst, fluff, 14k
-life away from home is good, and you're studying at the college of your dreams; however, your new neighbor is loud, irritating and a person who doesn't respect boundaries. and, also, is your ex-girlfriend from high school, wanda maximoff.
⑅୨୧* feud wanda maximoff x reader | some domestic fluff, 1k
-“I thought you loved me, Wanda.”
⑅୨୧* bulletproof (4/10) wanda maximoff x gn!reader | 2.6k+, light angst, mutual pining, unresolved sexual tension, enemies to lovers to enemies, gay disasters
-there's a new recruit who seems to have taken a liking to you. If things were normal between you and Wanda, maybe she wouldn’t feel so…threatened.
⑅୨୧* meant to be yours wanda maximoff x fem!reader | angst, fluff, pining that is a lot more mutual than it seems to either of you, mentions of marital issues, sorority!wanda & milf!wanda (best of both worlds), doctor doom makes his grand entrance, 14K
-nearly eight years after your breakup with her, you meet Wanda again when she enrolls her children at the preschool you work at, evoking a multitude of old feelings and regrets.
⑅୨୧* show off wanda maximoff & gn!reader | MINORS DNI, smut, fluff, possessiveness a little, mentions of voyeurism, cunnilingus, fingering, overstimulation, aftercare, dom!wanda maximoff, sub!afab!reader, 2.4k
-wanda has a difficult time keeping her hands to herself during a movie night with you and your friends.
⑅୨୧* matriarchal disturbance sub!wanda maximoff & fem!dom!reader | MINORS DNI, smut, angst, fluff, family issues, infidelity, age gap, strap-ons, cunnilingus, spanking, hair-pulling, praise, degradation, slight cnc, impact play, mention of somnophilia, mommy kink
-iryna maximoff pays her daughter a visit, and wanda must learn to balance living with her ever-complicated mother while navigating her rocky relationship with you, her stepdaughter.
⑅୨୧* shower thoughts wanda maximoff x fem!reader | 18+ ONLY; MINORS+MEN DNI. not proof read. masturbation, exhibitionism but like in private?, top!wanda, degradation, kind of praise?, shower sex, heavy orgasm control, vibrators, oral (r receiving), fingering (both), etc etc you get all that. this is smutty, 1.4k
-wanda just kinda ✨punishing✨ you
⑅୨୧* endlessly wanda maximoff x reader
-you’ll learn to like your coffee black, if it means forgetting the way her blood stained your hands.
⑅୨୧* new family wanda maximoff x fem!Reader x natasha romanoff | pregnant!reader, smut, and cursing, 6k
-your wives help you through your pregnancy. no matter how hard it gets for the three of you.
⑅୨୧* love language wanda maximoff x fem!civilianreader | fluff, mentions of hearing loss, sign languages.
-after thanos, wanda retires, along with a long term effect from all the missions she had and then she met you.
⑅୨୧* are you an angel or devil? wanda maximoff x reader | 18+!!! smut, mommy wanda, d/s, strap-ons, ass groping, halloween costumes w short skirts, degradation kind of, 1.1k
-kitchen strap-on sex on halloween
#mcu#marvel x reader#marvel#marvel universe#wanda maximoff imagine#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff x reader#avengers x reader#the avengers#fic recs
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One time I was with a friend and a mutual acquaintance of ours started talking about how they figured out they were aromatic but it was in the format of those “you know your aroace when” and it just keeps getting increasingly specific and targeted. I knew well and good I was acespec at the time and my friend was the out aromantic acespec, and he had more regular contact so naturally I assumed that they were talking more to him than me which is chill they were an acquaintance, idgaf.
So I’m sitting there laughing along because of course I’m relating to aspects of this I’m asexual, and then it starts getting into the aromatic section and I’m like “oh no. oh no” Something about it just triggered my flight instincts, like cat jumping and climbing over furniture and hissing kind of flight. I was nervously laughing like “ha ha I feel targeted stop. stop. STOP I FEEL TARGETED HeLP” and had to actually stop myself from crawling away over the seats (we were in an auditorium at the time).
anyway, that’s how I started to figure out I was arospec finally, but moral of the story it’s okay knee jerk reaction is retreat. That doesn’t always mean you’re scared. it can just mean you’re not expecting something and want to approach it on your own terms.
to often I think bodily reactions are read into for emotional ones that aren’t necessarily there. My body is constantly “over preforming” what I’m feeling. My tone especially. Just yesterday I was talking with the cashier after a late shift and while I felt fine my tone was coming out so much more tired and gloomy. I asked him “how are you so cheerful on such a late night” and it came out accusatory. I wanted to apologize but it wasn’t worth it anymore. The same thing happens when I talk about something vaguely undesirable, and the opposite happens when something good happens. My body may want to sob when nothings happening, it may have pent up energy that I have no motivation to do anything with. It’s okay if your body doesn’t always match.
idk where I’m going with this, but I guess if this is something you experience there’s someone around who’s living comfortably with it. Its never been a source of pain for me and I hope that it hasn’t been for you, but it can be strange to not really have the vocabulary for something and therefore not know if it’s normal or not. Which kind of circles back as to why we have labels in the first place, so we’re able to talk about these things. So yeah.
#aromantic#asexual#acespec#aroacespec#arospec#aro struggles#struggles in general#lgbtq#aroace#aromantism#aro pride
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Avoidants are unfairly demonized.
And you know what? I’m sick of seeing anxious-attached folks being treated as if they’re fully the victim and totally blameless.
They just cannot ever admit that they might make mistakes, especially serious ones. Can't apologize. Self righteous as hell, and so, so blaming. It's such bullshit. It’s so often that the avoidant partner is forced to take “accountability” for whatever the issue and the AP gets to be relieved that its “not them” and they don’t have to look at their own outrageous behavior that may have contributed to the original issue.
AP’s get all the sympathy because they are usually the loudest, therefore we all have to center around their feelings. It's not that the avoidants DON’T want help, it's avoidants are more likely to avoid and if someone doesn't like conflict and the AP is constantly having a temper tantrum... so who is going to get heard? Have the most attention to their problems?
I was recently talking to a friend about couples therapy with her avoidant partner & even in listening I could tell that she didn't realize how much she dominated the therapy sessions, while simultaneously complaining he wasn't there enough. When he finally broke down and cried about something she had said, her response? You've never cried about that before but it bothers you NOW?
And that’s the thing, it's never good enough for APs. It is hard to be a person when an AP is suffocating the room, and it's easier for them to blame avoidants because we are the only people who will continually put up with their shit, because we ignore it and somehow they are the victims in that too. The goal post is forever changing with them, and nothing is ever good enough. They complain and put pressure on to be, think, feel a certain way and when you manage to come close, you're still somehow in the wrong. I would rather shove everything down and suffer silently than possibly trigger an AP into an episode because THAT is pure psychological torture.
And don’t even get me started about how they then proceed to be the "humble brags" of self-work:
"I just have too big of a heart and I over-give because I'm too generous.”
If all the APs I've known ACTUALLY took accountability it'd sound like:
"I make comments with the intention of making you feel ashamed and guilty so that in your diminished self-worth you might be insecure enough to come to me. Maybe if you're upset we can have a conversation or emote at each other, which is a form of connection, so I force that since I can't force you do do whatever I want at any given moment. I push and push and push and push you so that when you break A) again, I can feel the connection that comes with conflict, at least, and B) I can feel victimized by how 'mean' you are by finally breaking at my prodding. I do not ever stop to consider how this might be tanking your life and our relationship... because I always find a way to blame you for that. I have the audacity to purport to know what your problems are and your inner work should be, and though I'm begging you to open up to me, I don't listen when you do. I just cry because whatever you say scares me, and my fear is still ultimately more important than any of your experiences." APs don't "care" anymore than Avoidants as a default, though they may try too hard, sure.
The issue is that the “I care too much" gets recognized as "and that causes problems for ME” and they're like "oh look I'm taking accountability!" But they never get to the part about how them "caring too much" caused problems for OTHERS and they never want to earnestly apologize. Their behavior can be seriously, seriously, damaging to be on the other end of.
"I'm impatient, have unrealistic expectations, and I over-perform for love. I'm going to work on this with my therapist because I'm realizing now how this is backfiring and causing me pain."
^That would be accountability.
#avoidant attachment#anxious attachment#attachment theory#mental health#relationships#friendship#attachment styles#fearful avoidant
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lol, i’ve never had so many of y’all want to go out back and scuffle as after my notes on Vegas’s quest for negative attention, but listen! Also!
I wanted to pull out these tags from @oceannacaldin in the replies to that post because there’s a lot going on in that Ep 14 beatdown, and these tags made me think of something else:
#Adding to that - it's the same narrative of love Vegas has with his father #it's momentous that Vegas has chosen to give that to another #but it's as altruistic as it shape a narrative of love that Vegas is familiar with and has learned to ... be satisfied with
YES. So, clearly Kun is one of the people who’s taught Vegas that negative attention is still attention. Vegas isn’t happy about his dad smacking him around, but at the same time, he obviously wants to succeed in doing the things that would make his father proud, and he never succeeds in making any significant break away from Kun, despite whatever revelations and reassessment he goes through in his therapy session talk with Pete. Some of this is likely down to filial piety, but I suspect not all of it is. (It makes me wonder at the fate of the Vegaspete relationship if Kun had lived. Keeping Pete alive is one of the few - if not the only - bits of direct defiance we see from Vegas toward his father (which probably deserves its own excavation), but he also demonstrably cannot manage to shake off Kun’s leash even when it sets him directly at odds with Pete, up to and including walking into that ridiculous shootout at the main family compound, where I halfway pretty much believe Vegas was supposed to die so that Kun would be spared the inconvenience of shooting him in the head, himself, at some point down the line. Better the main family to have to clean Vegas’s blood and brains off their floors. At any rate, would Vegaspete ever be able to happen with Kun still alive? If it came down to it, gun to his head, who would Vegas choose, Kun or Pete? (This is something I’m dancing around in the plotting of the arranged marriage AU.) But I’m getting off track, now.)
Anyway, yes, if what Vegas gets from his father is a beating - if all he gets is a beating - he’ll take that kind of attention and keep coming back for it. But also, yes, he’ll take the beating as a way of showing love to his father if that’s what his father wants to give him/wants from him. And I think ... I think when you then layer that narrative onto his relationship with Pete and their interaction in the parking garage, it makes the parking garage beatdown a kind of parallel to the “I had to come find my owner” speech in the later pool-side scene. Pete has explicitly rejected the role of “pet” with Vegas an episode earlier, but that’s also the role that - as far as he knows - Vegas came to know and apparently love him in. That appears - to Pete - to be what Vegas wants from him. So. Vegas shows his love for his father - and by extension for Pete - by taking the beating. Pete shows his love for Vegas by taking back his claim to autonomous personhood and re-taking on the role of “pet” that was so abusive and dehumanizing in the safehouse, in much the same way Kun’s treatment of Vegas is constantly abusive and dehumanizing - and in a way that triggers Vegas’s abuse and dehumanization of Pete. (ETA: I’ve talked before about how Pete and Vegas both dehumanize each other at their beginning, if I can find it, hold on ... here. Oh, ha. It’s the one I yoinked the Black Sails quote for.) So, these are both declarations of love, but in context they’re both dark, self-effacing, dehumanizing and unhealthy (surprise!) - and I think maybe that’s part of the reason Pete opens the curtains and lets SUNLIGHT into Vegas’ room before they have any bit of their conversation in the post-credits scene. This places them both in the light and in living color - not saturated mood lighting - when they move into modes of communication that are at least slightly healthier, with Pete reiterating his choice to follow his heart and stay with Vegas, and Vegas recognizing Pete as not a pet, but the most special person in his life.
That’s a lot of rambling and I’m not sure how clear it is, but I was suddenly struck by the parallel: Vegas willingly taking the beating = Pete willingly taking on the label of “pet” again.
(ETA: Another little bit of follow-up here.)
#they're such a fucking mess and i love them so much#vegas theerapanyakul#pete phongsakorn#vegaspete#kinnporsche#how we feeling vegaspete nation?
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𝑴𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒓𝒆
𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍.
Paid story for @yourwinchesterbros.
Word Count: 3k
Warnings: swears, talks of death, blood, talks of period blood in particular, someone being shot.
ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ | ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ ᴵᴵ
(Red Right Hand by Arctic Monkeys)
JAX.
The night was heavy with the dread of oncoming death. But whose? That was still undecided.
Guns had been aimed, with triggers ready to be pulled. Even though the meeting was supposed to be weapon-free.
“So much for reliability and transparency,” Jax uttered. His heart may have been pounding but with adrenaline over fear.
This meeting with a potential partner in Cara-Cara, was deemed somewhat reliable by Bobby. So, hell it was a surprise to find these gentlemen so gun happy. Bobby wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize the club. Both Sons knew that, so what the fuck was with these guys.
If it were truly up to Jax, he wouldn’t be looking for another partner, but with Nero desperate to pull out, he had no other choice but to look at other investors.
And fuck, this guy wasn’t one to wait. This meeting was set for two weeks and now it was suddenly rushed to today.
Oddly enough, everything had seemed to be alright, until the bald-headed Russian asshole took a joke too far. The girls at Cara-Cara were treated with respect. It was a non-negotiation. Women were constantly mistreated in Charming, Jax had seen it with his own eyes, hell, Gemma and Tara had been assaulted in the past. Jax never wanted that to happen, let alone in a company he owned.
Chibs’ eyes flickered from his president to the exit, and Jax subtly shook his head. Like fuck he’d let Chibs risk himself. They looked at each other, truly looking and almost in silent communication Jax said, ‘we get out and we get out together.’
Chibs’ jaw ticked.
“So, boys. What’s it gonna be?” The Bossman with a shaved head said.
“I think I’m gonna have to go with … go fuck yourself,” Jax said with a smile. He wanted to rile this fucker up. Was it the right move? Maybe…maybe not. But you never knew when a man would back down – over respect, intimidation, or approval.
ZO.
(Night Creeper by the Blackwater Fever)
You awoke with a knot in your stomach. One that you couldn’t get rid of. No matter what you did. Stretching, hot baths, hot water bottles, and then you saw the blood, and everything made sense.
Of course, you were in your period, it sucked but it was also … a bit of a positive. You definitely weren’t ready to have children. Not now, not yet.
As you boiled the kettle for what seemed like the hundredth time, you crouched down and rested your head against the kitchen bench, groaning.
“Fuck, I feel like I’ve been shot,” you moaned, one hand holding your stomach, rubbing ever so gently. This month was one of the worser ones. Like a pattern, your body either gave you a light easier period or a heavier harder one.
When your kettle finished boiling, you emptied your hot water bottle and filled it. A few drops missed the opening and landed on your hand.
“Fuck!” You yelled, already irritated, and nearly gave up. But your stomach lurched again, and you pushed on. “Not fair,” you mumbled, and slumped to the couch, where a bunch of snacks lay ready for you. The tv was flicked on and laid down, curling onto your side.
You looked at the clock and frowned, usually Jax would call around this time, but there were no notifications on your phone.
JAX.
The big-bellied boss laughed and lowered his guns. As he did so, all of his men followed. The dread was slowly starting to leak from the room. But all the doors and windows were pulled shut, so it was taking its time to leave.
“I like him,” the man said. His Russian so thick it was comical.
Winking at Chibs, who came to stand to Jax’s right, he angled his body between the most guns and his president.
The fat Russian continued to speak. A lot of bullshit tumbled from his mouth, but still, Jax and Chibs were on high alert. As they always were.
That’s how the Sons of Anarchy had survived so long under Jax’s rule, never let your guard down. And never let the other guy see it still up.
So, they lowered their guns too. But when Jax turned to leave, telling the Russian he would be in touch, the man knew he wasn't going to get the partnership.
And the Russian mobster wasn't used to being denied.
ZO.
(Done All Wrong by the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club)
The afternoon had gone by slowly, as the pain never left. You had already told Skeeter you weren’t coming in, and when he asked why, he was absolutely awkward about it. As if he didn’t have one of the gorier jobs. What was period blood compared to dead bodies?
Getting up from the couch was difficult, but you did it. You wanted to take your pups for a walk before they had their dinner, and it got too dark.
Their leashes were tucked in the same spot they always were, and whenever you went near that area, even without the intention of a walk, their tails would wag.
“Yes, walkies!” You exclaimed, clipping their collars.
But as you walked, you could feel the blood moving with gravity. Only a short walk, you thought and looked down at your two large dogs, their faces full of pure delight.
Opening and closing the front door, you turned around to lock it, when you felt the presence of someone behind you. Whipping around, you saw a face you really wish wasn’t there.
Gemma Teller-Morrow, dressed in black jeans, a grey top that showed her chest scar and wearing big black high-heeled boots. Ones you were sure she slept in. You couldn’t envision her in anything else. Her black and blonde hair was perfectly curled and slightly brushed, giving it a voluminous affect. She was a beautiful woman. But intimidation practically leaked from her.
Both your dogs moved to stand in front of you.
“Ugh, hi,” you said with an awkward smile. You, on the opposite hand, were wearing the baggiest pants you could find and a jumper, with joggers (and mismatched socks). Hair greasy and pulled in a bun from your face, you felt vulnerable; practically naked, in front of her.
With pinched lips, she said, “hi,” and the hands that were on her hips moved to cross in front of her.
You wanted to ask what the fuck she was doing here, but absolutely did not.
“You know Jax is away?” Her voice was almost disinterested, as if she had been forced to be here. But no one was in the car you had located behind your own.
The boys must be with Wendy then.
“Ugh yeah, I helped him pack.”
“Hmm, well I haven’t ugh, heard from him.” Now you understood. She thought Jax was here for some reason. And she came looking for him.
“Neither have I actually,” you said, shifting your weight to one leg. The sun was setting, creating a slowly drifting picture of purple, pink, orange and yellow across the sky.
“Huh,” she said, moving her hands into her back pockets and clucking her tongue, “thought he might be here.”
Ding ding, fucking ding. As if you would be that irresponsible – or Jax for that matter. You two were grown-ups and knew how to act. Why was this lady running after her grown-ass son?
You were doing all you could not to let your thoughts show on your face, so you shifted again. And thankfully, one of your pups whined; easing the tension.
“Right, you taking ‘em on a walk?” Gemma said, in your mind you instantly replied with ‘fucking duh,’ but only nodded.
“Mind if I join you?”
JAX.
(Dad's Gonna Kill Me by Richard Thompson)
Getting shot isn't the same feeling for everyone.
Jax hadn't fully felt the bullet in his right hip; he thought it had only grazed the bone.
The gunfire didn’t cease, however, and revealing his wound to Chibs wasn’t going to help. Jax wasn’t sure if the bullet was still inside his body, but thoughts like that weren't helpful right now. All he could focus on was getting the both of them out.
Holed up against the side of the bar, there was barely enough coverage for one man.
Yelling, “cover meh!” The Scotsman knocked over a few of the bar’s table and chairs. Creating a sort of barricade.
Even shot, Jax was a great aim. Taking out an arm with each bullet, gave Chibs more time to create their defence.
In a heated moment, Chibs picked up one of the cheap stools and threw it across the room. It landed with a loud smash, as once a glass table now lay in a million pieces.
“WHAT IS WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKERS!” The fat Russian yelled, his face red, bleating. His blood pressure monitor started beeping; his wife made him go to the doctors to get his weight under control. And that gave the mobster a 24/7 monitor to wear underneath his clothes.
For a beat the gunshots stopped as the beeping sounded, and the hired guns stopped to check on their boss. He had been fine, and then he watched as the Sons got up and ran.
And then the Russian stopped being able to breathe.
Bursting out the door and into the bright daylight, the two men covered their faces and ran toward their bikes, Jax leaving a trail of blood in his wake.
“Almost free Jackie boy,” Chibs said as he got out his keys.
Doing the same, the blonde Son was about to shove the keys in the ignition when they fell out of his wet, red hand.
“Fuck,” Jax growled as he bent down, but as he did so, he saw six pairs of black boots coming from the same door they ran from.
“Jackie, what-“ And then Chibs saw the soaked through shirt, the blood on Jax’s hands and the paleness in his face.
“FUCK,” he yelled, grabbing onto both sets of keys and jumping behind Jax. Chibs would sacrifice his bike for his president any day. And today was that goddamn day.
The group of men were nearly upon them, as Chibs fiddled with the keys.
“Fucking put them in,” Jax said with a slight slur. Maybe it was just a bone graze… Jax was thinking and thinking and reached out a hand to touch his side and screamed.
Punctured.
The word rung in his mind before he could even process it.
And all the while Chibs had finally turned on the engine and revved. Leaving the men behind in a wall of dust.
“I got you Jackie, I got you-“ Chib’s voice was barely audible over the sound of the engine. But Jax heard it nonetheless. He always would be with Chibs. But maybe this was something that no one who loved him could save him from.
ZO.
How could you say no? You couldn’t. That’s why you were now walking side by side with Gemma, your dogs looking behind you every few seconds, keeping an eye on the ‘threat.’
If you were supposed to say something first, then you had no idea. Your lips were clamped shut, your mind an untuned tv; fuzzy and loud.
You had walked to the end of your block in silence, until Gemma asked, “do you love him?”
Stunned. You almost choked on your intake of air. It was a miracle that you hadn't tripped over your own feet.
How could you tell her before telling Jax? It felt like a betrayal in a way.
“Of course, I do.”
The words left your mouth before any other thought could appear.
The steady crunch of Gemma’s boots on the sidewalk gravel was the only noise for about a minute. Then she said, “you know he had a wife-“
“I know his backstory,” you cut in. Doing your best not to roll your eyes. Was she this far behind? This out of the loop? Should you be insulted or grateful that Jax wasn’t telling his mother about his relationship?
CHIBS.
(You're Not God by Anna Calvi)
The road was long ahead of them, the dirt and rubble kicking up where the wheel’s trekked. There wasn’t a moment for pause, not one second to spare so Chibs could look over his shoulder. Jax was nearly limp in his arms; slumped against him, barely able to keep his balance.
They hadn’t been gone long, but soon the club would be worried if they didn’t hear anything soon. And Chibs knew Zo, Jax’s Old Lady, would be hanging on, waiting for the phone to ring. Chibs always noticed things like that. Things that the others didn’t.
Men were terrible at keeping in touch with each other, it was the women in their lives that they checked in with. Most men found it overbearing, but really they should be grateful. It made them think, kept them moving and ultimately kept them alive.
That’s how Chibs felt about the other Old Ladies as well. Especially Tara, who had a lot on her plate, and needed to know if Jax was okay. When he was coming home. It wasn’t the only reason why Chibs would leap in front of a bullet for a brother. Whoever was in this club, was his family. That’s why he would give his life for theirs. Especially when they had more to lose than he.
No one knew, but he felt like his life wasn’t as important as the others, whose family (or ex-family) was still close to them. The woman he loved and the only daughter he had were on the other side of the world. If he died, it wouldn’t change anything for them.
And he could be replaced. Easily in the club.
But he’d never say that out loud.
So, like every day, Chibs pushed on, knowing his president’s life depended on him. On his next move.
GEMMA.
(Fight Like Gods by Chelsea Wolfe)
Gemma was worried to say the least. She hadn’t heard from Jax in a while, and she thought he was over at your place, forgetting his responsibilities.
The whole ride over to your house, Gemma’s car had been silent except for her constant monologue. (She never used her radio - the presenters were complete morons in her opinion).
“I’m going to rip her ear’s from her head if he’s there,” her violent promises falling on no ears but her own. Her white-knuckled hands gripped the steering wheel so hard she couldn’t feel them when she pulled up.
There was a moment where she debated bumping the back of your car, just giving it a little dent. But she was thankful she didn’t when she saw you come out with your dogs.
Gemma knew Jax wouldn’t be at your place if you were taking your dogs on a walk, especially with a shirt that had a massive stain in it. But she asked you, nonetheless, to see what your face looked like when it was telling the truth.
Talking over coffee in a café wasn’t really Gemma’s ‘thing,’ she was used to randomly pulling up to people’s houses unannounced. It made it harder for them to turn her away. So, Gemma knew good and well that it was a bit rude to intrude on your dog walk, knowing you wouldn’t – or couldn’t – say no.
And when she asked if you loved Jax, your face didn’t change; she knew you were telling the truth.
But every so often she could see your face screw up, not knowing that it was the cramps. Well, not until she saw the blood on the back of your pants.
ZO.
(Oui Oui Marie by Chelsea Wolfe - slow + reverb)
Everything was fine.
Even though you were sweating, your stomach hurt and you felt like your head was going to explode. There was a moment after Gemma said something, that she stopped and grabbed ahold of your arm. Halting you, and your dogs, suddenly, Gemma said it was time to go home.
Frowning, you gave her an incredulous look, and with nothing for her to give you to cover it up, she thought it was best not to alert you. But damn your stubbornness. You weren’t going to be told what to do.
“We’re not finished with our walk,” you said, or rather, snapped. Another cramp squeezing your uterus; making your thighs ache and stomach lurch.
“Oh you definitely are,” Gemma said, starting to turn around, expecting you to follow.
“They aren’t tired yet,” you reasoned, a hand on your hip. Completely unaware that your grey sweatpants were reddening.
“Just shut up and listen, you’re leaking,” Gemma retorted, the kindness fleeing her instantaneously.
“Well fuck!” You said, trying to turn around and see.
‘Oh’ was all you said as you followed her home.
JAX.
The Prince of Charming, also known as the Prince of Death, did not receive his latter title because of all the deaths he had endured, but the ones he had ensured.
This life had promised violence. It had promised death, and he had stayed the course. Even if he tried to leave with Tara and the boys at one point.
It was death that made him stay in this particular way of life.
And it would be this way of life that caused his death.
That very thought swirled around Jax’s mind. It was so ironic that he actually found it somewhat humorous. Death and life, life and death. The two always interconnected.
“Stay with me Jackie boy!” Chibs roared over the rumble of the motorcycle.
The sunset was a reprieve from the jostling of the bike. With each mile gained, less consciousness Jax retained. And he soon found out that not being able to use his core to sit straight, made riding a whole lot less enjoyable.
All he could think about was the people he loved. His boys, Zo, his mother, and his brothers. What his death would bring. How much grieving there would be; it made him sick to think about it. Or maybe it was the bullet lodged in his side that was making him feel ill.
A thumping began in his temple, a headache that drained his energy. It must be the adrenaline wearing off, he thought.
The bike continued to tear down the road and Jax could feel himself bleeding. He didn’t know if he was bleeding out, or just … casually bleeding.
Not daring to look; in case he fell off the bike and threw Chibs off with him. Jax knew that at this speed, it would end up killing them both. He stayed still. Trying his best to keep his breathing steady and his eyes open.
And yet, Jax had no idea where Chibs was going or what the Scotsman was doing, only that he trusted him. And that trust was either going to kill him or save him.
#memories of desire#jax teller#jax x zo#jax x zoe#jax teller fanfic#jax teller paid fanfic#paid fanfics#commissions#witchthewriter#witch the writer's stories#witch the writer's paid stories#sons of anarchy#soa#soa fanfic#sons of anarchy fanfiction#tig trager#chibs telford#chibs telford fanfic#juice ortiz#happy lowman#memories of desire fanfiction#fanfic#fanfiction#commission#commisions open#paid story
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Why Vesna’s “My sister’s crown” in no feminist anthem but a Trojan horse filled with pro-russian messaging
My thoughts as a Ukrainian with a poli-sci degree.
I was debating whether to write this post but as the discourse around this song grows, I want to give people from other countries some context on the messaging used in the song and why Ukrainians are grossed out by it.
While I was writing it this post grew a mind of its own and I even ended up adding pictures so I'll fold the post here in case you don't care and just want to scroll through quickly.
First of all, it’s worth mentioning that this song attracted so much attention from Ukrainians because they use UKRAINIAN LANGUAGE in the chorus. It’s an important detail seeing how one of the singers is russian. A lot of Ukrainians share the opinion that letting a russian woman sing in our language is a completely vile thing to do to our culture. I agree with it too. But the abuse of our culture doesn’t stop there.
See this shot? This is supposed to be Borsch, a traditional Ukrainian dish. It’s worth mentioning that russia tried to appropriate this dish and in 2022 we fought tooth and nail to have UNESCO protect it as part of Ukrainian heritage. But back to the shot. The letters around it are supposed to symbolize russian propaganda. Great start🙄
But it gets better, lads. They start “feeding the propaganda” to the girl that —judging by stylistic choices as well as matryoshka makeup— is supposed to represent russian people.
Right, so they *checks notes* use Ukrainian cultural dish —that russians almost succeeded in stealing from us— to show… what exactly? “Poor russians🥺 uwu” getting brainwashed? Oh, then let me grab my handkerchief. This is so so sad I think I’m about to cry😶😶😶
I mean, just a thought but if they wanted to show how shitty russian government treats its people, they could’ve recreated the historically accurate moment when russian tzar Ivan the Terrible shoved his underling’s face into a boiling soup. What does Ukraine and our long-suffering dish has to do with all this bs???
Now let’s talk about that “Crown”, that is supposed to belong to the sister (aka Ukraine). To me, as a poli-sci major, this is so stupid I don’t even know whether to laugh or cry. From the words of the band themself, where they explain —quite poorly might I say— the meaning of their song, we learn that “Crown” symbolizes the sovereignty of the 13 Eastern-European countries. Sounds perfectly valid. Here's a few random countries that I can remember from the top of my head in no particular order that have crowns in their symbols:
Coat of arms of the Czech Republic, Coat of arms of Serbia, Flag of Poland and Flag of Croatia
I actually decided that I don't want to have russian flag and emblem in this post because I don't want to look at it every time I scroll through, but you can go google it if you want, they have not one but two crowns on their emblem actually.
So what am I leading up to with all this flag-talk, you might ask. Well, the kicker is that THIS ⬇️ is Ukrainian emblem:
Not a crown in sight as you can see. I guess as a nation that was constantly fighting against imperial colonisation we’re not very fond of those. Who could’ve guessed🤷♀️
But the aforementioned two points are pretty circumstantial and in the grand scheme of things are not particularly significant. I felt compelled to point them out first to give people from other countries a bit of insight into the music video's visual. You are free to disagree with me on those. The main problem that triggers the majority of Ukrainians is the use of the word "sister". Listen, I know you don’t want to read a lecture on the nuance of Slav politics and I don’t really want to write it, I know you know how to google. So here’s the gist:
One of the BIGGEST narratives that russia is pushing in its export propaganda (aside from their go-to claim that all ukrainians are nazis) is that Slavs are all a family. Talk about shitty relatives, eh? But basically, it’s a lingering thing from USSR where russia exploited a bunch of neighboring countries and called this shit a “Union” (while convincing the rest of the world that those countries entered that union willingly and not under threats —or as a result of— hostile invasions, but I digress). So the way russia frames it is that russia is this big brother that "takes care of other little siblings”. Even writing it down made me want to barf🤢🤢🤢. This narrative was specifically very actively weaponized against Ukraine before the 2022 invasion. Its goal is to infantilize Ukraine as if we're not a whole-ass independent country, but a little sibling that doesn't know how to wipe their own ass. And that we just need good ol’ russia to come and save us from our own stupidity. I hope I shed some light on why this word specifically triggers us so much and why I think that this song has 0 to do with solidarity and overall is complete populistic bs with a generous dash of russian propaganda.
I want to emphasize that I didn’t make this post to fight or argue with anyone but to give people another perspective if you’re interested in it from my pov as a Ukrainian. If you have other takes on it, I’d love to read them in the comments. Just please be respectful or I won’t interact.
This is all I have to say for today. Love, love, peace, peace, my dudes.
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veep headcanons? :3
oh this will take a WHILE……i love veep so much. i’m about to wrap up season 6 right now ! i think i’ll do little headcannons / analysis for each character ! i might do a part 2 because i want to also do some more supporting characters. like you know damn well im gonna wanna write for catherine and marjorie as a whole,,,
Selina
named catherine “catherine” like her mother in order to be able to yell said name in anger the way she never could yell back at her mother
the severe mommy issues make her need every single one of her staff to be emotionally involved in her. if she isn’t the center of their life, she gets anxious about it, even angry. she needs to be validated
depends heavily on spellcheck,,, i just think she hates phones for some reason.
she can tell EXACTLY how someone is feeling by making it up in her head and believing it ❤️
got arrested once in her youth and it was wiped off the record. #supportwomen’swrongs
Amy
would do super super well taking up something that makes her adrenaline pump. they keep trying to get her to relax by making her get massages, meditate and be in quiet. she needs NOISE. she should be allowed to beat someone up at least once a day
had a little gray cat whenever she was younger. she likes them ! they’re similar to how she is whenever it comes to boundaries.
bisexual but she has a stressful job so she doesn’t have time to think about that rn
she would benefit from me in her life actually
actually really liked dan bc dan seems to personalize the relationship to the person (dan is so kind ❤️) so she was into him but suddenly got the ick.
Dan
trigger warning for SA and grooming: i think dan’s relationship with sex is so affected by the fact he slept with his teacher whenever he was younger in exchange for a good grade. it has made him view it was an exchange, a transactional affair. it’s why he’s so shit at intimacy, he doesn’t see to her anything out of it.
watches all the latest movies but it’s only because he keeps taking women out to go see them:
has a really sensitive stomach,,,,he says it’s something he ate but i feel like whenever he gets anxious it happens to
catholic guilt galore but he’s busy so he CANNOT get into it
he’s so the type of boyfriend who does baby talk and when he’s recorded he gets real mad about it. get that camera OUTTA here
Mike
he is like a baby duckling to me that’s why he wanted to raise them actually
has so many useless apps on his phone. why do you have a flashlight app you have a flashlight BUILT into the phone. its okay though bc he watches lot of youtube tutorials
probably wanted to vlog at some point but he got yelled at by selina in a clip so he stopped
the personality hire,,, everyone loves him but god he can be so bad at his job sometimes. everyone gets mad but never enough to fire him
because he started dating wendy, he started to dress up a little more ! ties and handkerchiefs match. i love you dad
Jonah
he so ran one of those private meme accounts whenever he was younger but he got so bad at everyone saying they were lame he just posted a screenshot that said SUCK MY DICK SON and blocked everyone
his incessant gross comments are a result of being around a bunch of rich white men that happen to be politicians that tend to laugh at them. he has daddy issues. he needs the validation
his little curls going missing are a result of him getting his hair straightened because he wanted to look more professional actually. he burnt his hands so he begged his mom to help him
gets really anxious about his health CONSTANTLY and has a will written out already because he’s scared one day it’ll (he doesn’t know what) catch up to him
Gary
he knows the lyrics to every new pop song ever. he loves it. he used to play Just Dance whenever he was in college or something i don’t know i feel like he might’ve even been in a club that requires that
has an extensive skin care routine. he puts on those fluffy headbands sometimes but stopped bc he realized it was to keep your hair dry and his is so short lmao
definitely has an undiagnosed anxiety disorder. he just pops a pill of whatever and hopes that it works (it doesn’t)
needs heavy validation from authority figures,,,like badly,,, i think that’s why he enjoys it so much whenever any of selina’s boyfriends acknowledge him as a person (or anyone gives him any importance)
he needs someone to tell him what to do because he is so lost on having any identify that isn’t directly tied to someone else ? he’s not even really sure what he himself likes anymore. uses “we” more than he uses “i”
#veep hbo#selina meyer#amy brookheimer#dan egan#mike mclintock#jonah ryan#gary walsh#veep headcannons
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okay so because previous anons asked about sex, I wanna ask about aftercare, how they act after sex? oh and i’m curious how their sex life change after being together for a while
xoxo <3
their aftercare isn't always aftercare-101, if i'm honest. theo is very bad at it and doesn't really... ever... do that for matthias. and matthias may be very good at giving aftercare but theo is incredibly resistant to it. i mentioned earlier that theo really gets off on praise, but... he also flinches away from it. he's so twisted up about so much of what he wants and he's really, uh... well. he makes it really hard to get close to him and offer comfort despite how much he desires it. matthias can't say certain things without scaring theo off (and i mean, like, theo will quite literally run away), so he has to talk around what he wants to say and what theo needs to hear to prevent theo from bolting before he can bring him down.
matthias takes a long time cleaning theo up and massaging his muscles after, and he'll hum or talk to himself in polish so theo knows he's still there touching him (but isn't stirred before he comes to himself on his own by english he can understand). when he's finished, he'll ask theo very simple yes or no questions that let matthias know how theo's feeling without outright asking how he's feeling. he also checks on theo throughout the day, but he has to be even more subtle there or theo starts to feel smothered. is your body okay? do you want me to get you dressed? does your head hurt? do you want me to read to you? he focuses on asking about the physical and what theo wants to do rather than theo’s emotions. matthias has learned that asking if theo's feeling okay after is a quick way to trigger a very, very negative response in theo. it's one of the reasons why i think matthias is constantly asking theo in the heat of sex how he's feeling, because that's when theo is so preoccupied by the physical aspect that the emotional effects leak out without him fighting to keep them in. it takes a few months for theo to get comfortable with the feelings he has after sex with him before matthias can really give him proper aftercare. that’s why the sex they have early on is never anything too crazy. matthias coaxes theo into a better place first.
i also think it’s important to clarify that it’s not like they’re always having kinky sex. still, theo usually needs physical touch after vanilla sex as well. matthias himself always craves conversation afterwards, so he waits for theo to stir awake (because he often falls asleep after sex) or come back into his body fully to talk to him.
as for changes to their sex life after they’ve been together for awhile… i believe i've talked about this before, but their sexual dynamic turns on its head after a few years. theo starts to take control of the reins and gets more comfortable asking for and doing what he wants. with theo he just has a lot holding him back and it's only after he's grown as a person and worked past a majority of his intimacy issues that he can act on the desires he's been burying waaay down. there's a sort of brattiness that theo starts to have a lot of fun with during sex—a lot of pushing and prodding, withholding, insulting... matthias is having the time of his life lmao, like he loves being challenged and pushed around. matthias takes on a more submissive role during sex as they age, which is fun for him. plus it's kind of the dynamic they've always had outside of sex anyway. of course, there are never any set roles in their sexual life so i'm not saying that it's always like that, but theo enjoys telling matthias what to do and how to do it. they have a lot of fun with it.
#river dipping#asks#anonymous#oc extras#nsft#theodore doe#matthias evanoff#a burning house to live in#echthroi#finally done..... actually patting myself on the back for being able to answer all of these in a day and a half like#normally being asked anything abt my ocs takes me forever to get to bc i just take everything so seriously#......................................exhibit a: this reply jnjhkjfnghk#my ocs are just really complicated so i feel like i have to really expand upon each new bit of information#like theo is NOT ! well adjusted in the slightest#and while matthias can read people very easily it doesn't mean that there aren't times where he messes up#theo is very closed off and he will lash out at the slightest thing that spooks him#and he also... is not really experienced in having good sex yk? so he's so bad at aftercare which i guess is like. well.#good thing your partner is someone who's used to being left to his own devices after experiencing major physical and emotional stressors#matthias can usually take himself out of a scene just because of the nature of his past...#but i think theo does pick up on what matthias does for him after awhile and he tries incorporating it into 'aftercare'#but................. i don't think he really understands what all he should be saying and doing for a few years like not until he's#domming matthias more frequently and has taken the time to look at The Internet lmao jkfjnhkjn i imagine it shocks him a bit#matthias may be good at sex but he does have his blind spots and those normally involve himself… so he never told theo that what he does#for him should be reciprocated………… additionally matthias is very much a giver not a taker#like he doesn’t expect or even really want theo to ask how he’s feeling. but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need that.#….have been rereading this for the last thirty minutes idk why this is what i’m like Yikes ! about responding to 😭#whatever post ‼️ theo isn’t good at sex i’ve said it before who can be surprised he gives zero aftercare
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