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daisys-reality · 8 months

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PAC.015: Your 18+ love life with your S/O in your DR

This reading focuses on your s*xual relationship and your s*xual dynamic with your s/o in your desired reality once you've established a more or less stable relationship with them (ex. you being together for a longer period of time or perhaps once you're already married) 🔞‼️ Please do not read this if you're underaged. I tried to keep it 'light' in the way I phrased things overall in the reading but the keywords at the end of each reading do have some more explicit words, so please keep that in mind! Also, some piles turned out a bit longer, sorry for that! Let me know how much it resonates!

[-> DR stands for desired reality and is a term in the reality shifting community. S/O stands for significant other and basically talks about your special someone (partner/lover/crush...).]

If you like to read more readings from me, feel free to check out my masterlist ! Also, I don't own any of these beautiful pics, I just edited them a little.

❦ PILE ONE

Your and your s/o’s s*xual energies in this relationship: cobra (fire) & hummingbird (air)

Oh, okay. Your energy pile one is very raw and deep lol. I think you’re very good at controlling your s*xual energy and your instincts. You’re the one who keeps calm and just watches how someone loses themselves in front of you, or perhaps below you. You enjoy that. You like to be in control, or to be the one with the power s*xually. You like leading, teaching and giving your s*xual partner instructions on what to do to please you. You love seeing them behave and obey, it lifts your mood and increases your desire for them. I can imagine you’re the one who innocently teases/arouses them and when they confront you, you say 'i don’t know what you mean?’ with your composed face. Perhaps you even go further and tease them for being horny for no reason lmao. There is really something about watching, so perhaps you like watching your partner please themselves in front of you. Or them having to watch you please yourself and they are not allowed to touch you (or themselves?).

They love seeing you get ready and making yourself pretty, it makes them so horny. Especially if you put your clothes on slowly in front of them with no care. It’s so seductive to them. I think you knowingly ignoring them turns them on too, they like working hard for your attention and being put into place once in a while. Like I think your s/o it pretty composed and confident in their daily life, probably in a leading position with many responsibilities of something like that… and no one would ever believe they behave like that, it is very contradicting to how they act in their day-to-day life. Perhaps it’s also the first time they were able to fulfill these desires they’ve locked away for so long. Maybe you’re the first person to make them feel that way, comfortable enough to give up control and just follow your lead.

But this teasing part is more like fun foreplay for you guys (even though I strongly believe your relationship in general has a very similar dynamic), once you teased the shit out of your partner, I see the dynamic shifting slightly. When your partner behaves and pleases you satisfyingly you give yourself to them fully as a reward, you let them go crazy with you…like you love seeing them losing themselves in the pleasure they get with you, losing themselves in you. Damn. You want their mind to be full with just you. There might be some duality about you, your vibe or something physical like an innocent face + mature body - they love it. Also, another thing that turns them on is, when you sometimes are more arrogant or like a know-it-all towards them.

Your DR s/o’s s*xual energy is very …enthusiastic and energetic I guess. Like, they beam with energy when they are around you and they are just super happy. To be honest, like a dog who is happy to see his owner lmao. I guess puppy-like is a good description for them. They can’t get enough of you and they will always be curious about you, your likes/dislikes and about your body. They might love exploring your body, finding all your sweet spots. They might be very creative with you in the way they please you. Every moment with you is worth savoring, life becomes sweet with you. I think they are quite smart as well, and they might be good with dirty talk, they also love learning - especially when you teach them. I think the whole s*xual experience with you feels very nourishing and even rejuvenating for them. I think sometimes they can get a bit too much, pushy or insistent, perhaps bratty - it’s best when you put them back to their place in those moments, maybe even punish them? lol They like edging you too, and exhausting you fully (all night). I feel like seeing you weak and tired after the act turns them on too lmao, they will definitely like taking care of you afterwards as well! Aftercare is big here. Perhaps they are the type to bring you your breakfast to bed the next morning and take care of all your responsibilities for you so that you can rest in bed all day long (aww).

Your DR s/o sees you as that powerful queen (regardless of gender), the full package and they just want to serve you and treat you as the queen/king you are. They are crazy about you and I don’t think that will change regardless of how long you're married or long the relationship lasts. If you had rather unpleasant or even traumatic s*exual experiences, this relationship will be very healing for you - you can finally put the past chapter to an end and breathe a sigh of relief. You will learn and grow a lot in this relationship and become free of any addictions, codependency issues. This is a very promising relationship, lots of potential - opportunity to build something lasting together etc. It is a very close relationship and you both will open up about a lot of things you felt like you could never tell anybody. A close and unique experience for both. I think you both will keep this (s*xual) relationship very secretive, because you guys don’t want to share this with others - it’s too close to your hearts. I see that there is a lot of trust, loyalty and emotional security with you both. ❤️

For some reason I believe that you both might really enjoy roleplay, so the dynamics that come to my mind are the following: teacher + (bratty) student, owner + (eager) pet, master + (obsessed) servant, queen/king + (hopelessly in love) knight

🔞‼️ Other things I can pick up that are a bit more explicit (- might not be for everyone):

expensive clothes (dressing someone up in pretty things just to undress them later), wine and dine you beforehand (they want you to be relaxed with them and they put great effort into making you feel comfortable with them), sugar daddy/mommy vibes lol, slight bdsm play (handcuffs and other movement restricting items, collar/leash?), edge play, orgasm denial, lots of teasing, you giving them rough handjobs? (- it makes them crazy lol), pet play (we all know who is gonna be the pet lol your s/o), feet & calves (your s/o might be into them, them might perhaps even like licking them or being stepped on by your pretty feet lmao), roughly grabbing skin, aroma/scent play - perhaps even with aphrodisiac or doing it when you’re high or drunk?, setting the mood with the surroundings (music, light etc.), they might like doing it outside (on the beach perhaps), expansive dessous/underwear + stockings, they love your tiddies/chest and your curves, corsets (if you have tiddies you s/o might like the look of it - how they almost spill out idk if that is the right word), you wearing high heels that accentuate your legs is a turn on, they have a long “member” if your s/o is male (iykwim) so.. deep penetration, doing it while standing or from behind, long foreplay, the act is wild and rough sometimes but full of passion (ofc only as long as both like it), times after times for longer periods (ex. the full night) - your s/o has great stamina, super sweet aftercare, very fulfilling s*x for both of you, lots of wetness, during the act you're both very much immersed in each other (you shut everything else out, it’s just you two), lots of love and passion.

❦ PILE TWO

your and your s/o’s s*xual energies in this relationship: bat (air) & elk (earth)

Hello pile two! The first thing that I heard was that you are a distraction (to your s/o) lmao. Your energy is very swift, kinda hard to grasp. Perhaps you’re very hot and cold and your horniness comes out of nowhere. I think you’re very subtle with your s*xual energy and how you express it. You might be the type to just give small hints to your s/o. You might expect your s/o to just get it and act right away. It could also be that you’re the type that gets horny randomly, even by the smallest things and you might prefer to act on it right away because I feel like the s*xual energy can fade away very quickly too. I don’t think you have it really under control, maybe you don’t even want to. But it can also be that you just randomly remember something and it immediately triggers the s*xual energy in you because there is a sense of unpredictability with you. You might like to express your sexuality freely and to let your s*xual energy flow. That’s what you truly desire - being open and vulnerable. The s*x with your s/o itself may even feel spiritual to you, like every time something changes within you - I mean this metaphorical lmao - like a rebirth, very transforming. It seems like you prefer to do it with your s/o at night time or in the early morning while it is still dark. You might not be the type to do it outside or at unknown places. You prefer doing it behind closed doors, especially at places you know (ex. your own bedroom instead of a hotel room) and with dime lights or in complete darkness - just following your insticts and focusing on your other senses (feeling, hearing etc.). It might just be very important to you to be somewhere familiar where you feel comfortable. Also, it feels like your usual self might be quite different than when you’re in a ‘s*xual mood’. So, the act of revealing this side of you might be something very vulnerable to you. You just want to let go and let this hidden side of you shine and you want it to be completely accepted by your s/o. I think those very romantic moments with your s/o or moments in which the emotions are running high turn you on quite a lot. Having an emotional connection with your s*xual partners is something very important for you. And I can already tell that you have a very strong/intense emotional connection with your s/o (and they with you too). Also, I think you might daydream a lot during the day about you s/o and about all your s*xual moments.

While your s*xual energy is more ‘airy’, swift and delicate even, your s/o’s energy is more earthy, steady and powerful. Their s*xual energy is strongly grounded within them, also very masculine (regardless of gender). In s*xual matters, they are the type to provide and build stability (for you). They also know themselves and their desires very well. It could be that they are already (by that time) very experienced because it seems like they have already established their s*xual identity. I can tell you that this person is super reliable as a friend, a lover and as a partner. If you’re not very experienced, you can definitely trust them with everything. They will take care of everything for you and they will treat you so that you feel super duper comfortable. They are really kind and also very consistent in their ways and with their effort. They’re the type to create a certain routine which I believe also helps you to have a sense of familiarity because you know what you get yourself into. It’s important for your s/o that you both always end up satisfied. As I already mentioned, they know what they like and what they don’t like and they’re the type to communicate this pretty early on. They value respect and that’s why they’re also very keen on respecting you as a person and your boundaries. They want you to be open to them as well. That’s why they will work hard on building a stable foundation for you to be comfortable enough to reveal yourself.

To be honest, the fact that you’re so hard to grasp makes them crazy - they want to get to know you on deep levels and your swift energy and your unpredictability triggers something in them because they’re not used to it. You’re so different from them, you guys are like opposites. Of course you share similar values but the way you handle and express your sexual energy is almost completely different but in a ‘ying and yang’ way - so you balance each other out. I think you might have had a rough start at the beginning or it might have taken quite some time before you started a relationship with each other. But I assume that the s*xual energy/attraction towards each other was strong from the beginning so this could have created some tensions at first. Remember how I said in the beginning that you’re like a distraction to them? That’s because you keep your s/o obsessed lol. You’re the only thing they have in mind 24/7 - for real! It might sometimes be so intense that it’s almost burdensome to them😂. It might not be very noticeable because they’re good at hiding it but you trust me. :’)

This is a bit random but… I kinda got the feeling that you’re s/o also had many bad experiences in the past (before you), some experiences might have even been traumatic for them. They might have struggled a lot but they got themselves out of that low but it was a lot of work. That’s why by the time you both get together they are very solid within themselves and very careful. I can tell that they will treat you with a lot of care! They would never want you to experience the shit they have - you’re so precious to them. I think they would even hate themselves later on if they would realize that they mistreated you or gave you bad experiences. But I’m sure this won’t be the case. They might just be very anxious about it from time to time which leads me to another point. It is extremely important that you learn how to be more open with them... or rather communicate more with them. I can see that your s/o learned more or less how to communicate effectively. But pile two, you guys need to work on that, I can feel that this might create some problems in the future because you tend/prefer to be very subtle and you want your s/o to just get you - which they do most of the time because they are very perceptive but that does not mean that you can rely on that 24/7. Your s/o might appear very stable but they are also human and they can get anxious !! - even if they don’t show it. So, I ask you to communicate yourself more clearly to them from time to time and to give your s/o feedback on how they’re doing. You know… you’re s/o can be very hard on themselves because they are perfectionists and their standards and expectations for themselves are quite high! Please remember to praise and reassure them every now and then, remind them that they are doing everything right - it takes the mental pressure away that they feel.

They might be the type to ask you to just lay back and to let them take care of everything (-> “You don’t need to do anything - I will take the lead.”). Regardless of gender, the more masculine energetically in this relationship (which seems to be your s/o) is dominant and strict while the more feminine is submissive but playful. That might be the main dynamic. Again, there are a lot of aspects here that hint that you guys are quite the opposites. One of you might be small and petite and the other quite tall and big/muscular - there could be a big height gap, and there could also be an age gap as one energy seems very young and innocent while the other seems older and very mature but it can also be an ‘appearance thing’ where one just looks very young/innocent and they other one looks significantly older. In addition, their energy feels more realistic and grounded while yours feels more dreamy and almost ethereal (especially to them).

You’re s/o is a person of action, one of their dominant love languages might be ‘acts of services’ - they might show their feelings and their devotion through that. They might not be the best with expressing their feelings verbally or speaking in a romantic way (they’re more straightforward and blunt), so they will try to make up for this through other things (acts of services, giving gifts and physical affection). But as I already mentioned, words of affirmations might be something that touches them deeply more so than for example receiving gifts etc.

I think you enjoy it when your s/o takes the lead but you're also willing to divide the ‘work’. But you have to communicate this clearly to them because you’re s/o might overdo it sometimes. They are the type to overthink things and to come too quick to conclusions. They think they have to be the responsible one in the relationship, to take care of everything and to have everything under control. It could be that your s/o sometimes puts you on a pedestal and they might put on more responsibilities that they have to - to the point it even seems unrealistic. Uff… please give your s/o a reality check from time to time! It would be helpful if you take the lead yourself sometimes and perhaps plan and initiate things yourself! You’re s/o likes to be the provider type - it comes naturally to them - but relieving them of their responsibilities every now and then would make them feel very appreciated and at ease and they will be very grateful for you in those moments - to the point of feeling emotional or getting teary!

Another potential issue is that you both often want to avoid confrontation and your s/o is the type to internalize problems and struggle with self doubt/self judgment. I get the vibe that your s/o sometimes feels like you’re not really opening up to them because they often don't really know or perhaps understand how you truly feel. I get the feeling that they might think that you try to distract them from problems through s*xual activities (I don’t even think that this is your intention. You’re just very intuitive and able to quickly understand how they feel + you get easily turned because those situation usually get more emotionally intense, and then you just get super turned on and you just wanna please them and help them release the emotions through s*x). Sometimes you're so elusive ("too good to be true") that they fear losing you which might also lead to times where they get quite a bit possessive or jealous!

Again, I have to mention that you make them crazy pile two! I just heard "you're so pretty babe I'm losing my mind" oh gosh… Your connection feels so intense but also kinda messy… like emotionally. The feelings and the attraction is so strong that it’s kinda messing with your heads😭 It seems like there's also a lot of possessiveness and jealousy going on in this dynamic - though it doesn't feel very toxic… the obsession is just mutual so it's ok I guess😂 Their love and desire for you is very intense and they might not be used to this, so sometimes they might wonder if they come off too strong or if they scare you off if they openly express it to you. Things might turn pretty rough actually because the passion is so strong (and they are strong too *wink wink*). In those moments where the desire or the feelings just become overwhelming to them and they ‘lose control’ (especially when you’re sleeping with each other), they might even start feeling guilty afterwards or they might feel like their desires are too much/too dark (?). But I feel like this has to do with them putting you on a pedestal and seeing you as this innocent and super precious person that they don’t want to hurt. I don’t know why but I feel like you like the intensity and the fact they suffer so much internally (i’m laughing so hard rn) … it seems like the thought of it turns you on. Also, your s/o likes to release the build up stress (of their daily life) through s*xual activities. Similar to you, they like to release things and let themselves go completely in those times. But I think they sometimes hold themselves back for your sake or at least at the beginning of the relationships because they assume that that would be the best for you but they don’t really know that you enjoy the roughness and intensity with them too and that you wouldn’t mind if they just follow their desires. Honestly, just openly tell them or make them more crazy until they lose themselves in the pleasure and just do it haha.

🔞‼️ Other things I can pick up on that are a bit more explicit (- might not be for everyone):

playful bickering/arguing, lots of passion, roughness, one of you being more one the muscular side and the other one being super turned on by those muscles, some past issues may come up and you guys need to learn to find closure, you turning them on out in public and them having to wait until you guys get home to ‘punish’ you, something about the number 9 or perhaps 69 lmao, babygirl/babyboy & daddy/mommy dynamic, them calling you ’my lil’ princess’/‘my precious boy’, height gap and/or age gap, something about hair and it being a turn on (not only scalp hair like hairstyle but also body hair), your s/o enjoys giving you gifts and doing things for you - they are the giver type, they are good at pleasing you, them holding you up or you sitting on their lap and making out, stretching out clothes or ripping them apart, them limiting your speaking ability like covering your mouth or putting fingers in or just making you unable to think clearly because of the intense pleasure😏, pressing on your lower stomach while doing it, them putting their body weight on you for deeper penetration, them holding you in place, roughly grabbing your ass, and holding you down, stubbornness, intensity, possessiveness, jealousy, controlling - them controlling you in a sense so perhaps some type of bdsm, powerplay (mainly with them being the dominant one), feeling guilts and insanity lol - probably them, if you have back dimples they might love them, restriction (on the ‘energetically female’/submissive person), them being rather strict and ‘mean’ during the act, being each other’s recovery/healing space, you’re 24/7 horny for each other - you guys can’t keep your hands to yourself, pile two you think that your s/o indulges you and that they give you comfort, to you they seem very abundant…like ‘the full package’, you guys have a extremely high sexual compatibility, their love languages are: acts of service (giving) + gifts (giving) + physical touch (giving and receiving) + words of affirmation (receiving) + quality time (receiving), your s/o might have an attractive low voice or they might be more the type to ‘grunt’ than moan, nipple play in both ways (you and them), grabbing someone’s neck while making out, stroking through someone’s hair + caressing each other’s skin and lots of cuddling/snuggling into each other (both sexually but also non sexually), high fertility, one or both of you might have a breeding kink, for the people in this pile where having children is an option or wish: your s/o might think things like ‘you’re the mother/father of my future children’ or ‘you’re the one I want to build a family with’ etc., cum play could be a thing, you pile two might have weird fantasies and your s/o has wild fantasies, your s/o wonders sometimes if it's okay to do certain things, COMMUNICATION is so important!! - you guys need to learn to communicate with each openly about your fantasies/desires and your needs, you might often manipulate them into doing things with you instead of talking about it (💀), you’re s/o secretly loves it when you reassure them of things and when you praise them, you like caring about them emotionally and they like caring/providing for you physically, dependency - they might be emotionally dependent on you and you physically on them lol, you guys are super needy for each other❣️

❦ PILE THREE

your and your s/o’s s*xual energies in this relationship: firefly (air) + zebra (fire)

Hello pile three, your guys’ s*xual energy here seems kinda intense but also very elusive. Uff.. ngl I was a bit confused with you reading at first. Your relationship is a bit complicated and I think there is a lot hidden which I’m not allowed to see beyond it if that makes sense… So, bear with me, I will try my best to interpret this.

Your s*xual energy in this relationship here is represented by the firefly which is in the air element. Your energy is radiant, awestriking and perhaps inspiring for anyone who comes in contact with you in that way (especially for your s/o). It’s like you're on a high frequency when you’re in a s*xual mood. You have this pure but also fleeting charm to you. You’re the type that harnesses this energy and I think -if you’re some kind of artist- this energy might even give you major inspiration for your creations. But it can also mean that you’re very creative in bed. It never gets boring with you - you’re very exciting. I think that s*xual activities give you energy and help you when you’re exhausted/burned out or when life just feels dull. It gives you that mental and emotional stimuli. If we look at how your s/o sees you in a s*xual sense, I can sense that they see you as someone pure, precious, and cute even but also very elusive - I just heard "you’re all I can see"… You have a very youthful energy and you exude this aura of innocence and wonder, you’re always curious and kinda quirky - and they love this about you. You might have a good balance of masculine and feminine traits, you could have an androgynous appearance or perhaps it’s just your body language and mannerism because in their eyes you’re not only innocent and cute but also very assertive, daring and active (in bed). They love how curious and open minded you are and that you’re willing to try out so many things and to experiment freely without judging someone. Perhaps they just love that they feel so accepted for who they are and what they desire by you. It’s like you allow them to get to know themselves better and help them accepting all this parts but at the same time there is some distance between you… It feels like it’s mainly coming from you though…. Uhh I just heard "You give me life, you’re my everything and I’m all yours…so why does it seem like you’re distancing yourself more and more from me? What do I have to do to make you mine? Tell me, I beg you… I’m losing my mind." damn… pile three someone is down bad for you here and you let them hang like this? 👀

Well, we’ll get back to that later. Let’s focus first on your s/o. They are kinda eccentric, perhaps even weird? They probably have big or very deep eyes and an alluring gaze - especially when they are in a s*xual mood. They see and notice everything - they gaze at you so very intensely as if they want to ingrain everything into their memory. They have a great imagination and they are also kinda young at heart. So, perhaps they are also a bit child-like with an undying curiosity about literally everything (similar to you) when you get to know them more deeply. Being in their company is a true delight and it opens minds, their magic is contagious… I wanna even say their magic in bed is contagious haha. They are able to make you dream and bring you to faraway lands .. or perhaps to heaven? Your s/o might have a big personality, they are a worldly and well cultured person. They could even dress very well (and sensually). They are someone who needs adventure and art. They want to create art in bed, visuals are quite important to them and they love all kinds of pleasure.

From what I can see, you perceive them as quite bold and daring, someone who takes risks without much fear, someone who knows how to have fun with life. They might be the one who usually takes the initiative because they always go after what they want and work hard to get it. They are as creative as you but they are very strong in their masculine energy especially in s*xual matters. They are an extremely passionate and sensual lover. They have a nice healthy body and a lot of vitality and stamina😌. They could be spiritual or just very intuitive with how they proceed in s*xual matters. Well, they are for sure very health-conscious or are just quite keen on self care (including working out!). They are very intune with their body and know how to move it correctly. Their dominant love language might be physical touch, they are always very dynamic - for sure it never gets boring because they always have this fresh and exciting energy to them. Everytime you do it, you might see new sides of them that you’ve never seen before. They are just very good at making your love life exciting and unforgettable. I can see that you guys have great chemistry and there is a lot of passion for each other.

You’re s/o is someone who requires constant mental and emotional stimulation because they get quickly bored or rather restless. That’s also why they are easily drawn to exciting or intriguing situations and people - and you have all their attention for sure! You’re s/o is naturally very charming and charismatic, they have a warm and good sense of humor which might show itself even while you're sleeping with each other. They are very secure in their masculinity/femininity, so it’s no problem for them to explore ‘the other side’. They are very good at leading others and I even wanna say they are good at giving instructions as well as they can also be pretty assertive. They are definitely big on body positivity!! (so no worries here pile three ♡). Even though they appreciate beauty, ultimately they choose their partners based on their inner beauty. They are always highly motivated yet very humble and understanding. ... Mhm I get so much information here about how your s/o is as a person with all their "good" qualities instead of s*xual stuff.. I get the feeling that they want me to convince you that you can trust them… perhaps you do not feel very comfortable (yet) with such topics and that’s why your s/o would like to talk more about you guys in a non-s*xual way. So, sorry for the lack of naughty stuff if you were excited for it lmao, I will try to add some information at the end of the reading!

Let’s get back to your s/o because they want to shine lol. They are very mature and always working hard on improving themselves. They don’t give up easily and they would never give up on you! They love to work hard but they also love to play hard. I can sense that even in your eyes they seem very special to you. They have this sun king/queen vibe to them, they are easily the center of attention. Their social skills are no joke, they are good conversationalists and active listeners and they know exactly how to make someone feel special. It seems even you think they are good in bed😏 and they also seem very passionate about the things you care about. I just got this vibe of them getting super jaded, pouty or vain when they feel deprived of your presence. You’re always on their mind.

You s/o can see that you’re overly generous almost to your detriment at times which leaves you out of balance. It might not be very apparent to others but it is to your s/o. They watch you closely and they often worry about you. They have never seen someone like you - you intrigue them so freaking much. You’re so mysterious to them. In their eyes, you don’t really seem to be the relationship type…you seem like someone who values materialism over relationships. You might in fact actually be quite insecure but you try to conceal this with your facade… like you try to appear eager for power and control, stingy and closed off, as if you’re not generous with your time and money etc. They think you kinda have a wrapped sense of what a relationship should be like. I’m a bit confused here but there seems to be a theme of you sometimes taking advantage of them and enjoying using them financially, emotionally or sexually and that you love dumping your problems on them but never are available when they need a listening ear …and it turns them on? Ehm… I don't know how true this is but they are partly annoyed by this behavior but also love it at the same time? It seems like your s/o kinda likes to suffer… are they a secret masochist? Anyways, there is some manipulation going on in your relationship… Perhaps it’s a thing for you to play mind games in bed😂. Eitherway, I can see that there might be some struggles with balance and boundaries in your (s*xual) relationship. To be honest, there are a lot of hints that you might try out and like activities that are rather extreme or perhaps even ‘taboo’ (ofc only once you’re comfortable enough with each other).

I can see that your relationship is a journey and you will both grow a lot while being together. The thing is .. you're so similar and you often mirror each other. All the issues that come up in your relationship might be issues that you face yourself within you. So you get confronted with the problems you’ve ignored before. It’s a very transformative and perhaps even spiritual connection. You know, the more you accept and allow your partner to be, the more you do so for yourself. It's a process and it’s something you will probably have to learn because I see you specifically being very good at ignoring your problems and letting them build over time. But I can tell you already that the work you'll put into this relationship will be worth it, you both will reach peaceful times where all your stress just fades away, like on cloud nine. Traveling together or settling down somewhere else might be a theme in your relationship!

I don’t know if you believe in soulmates or whatever but I got the feeling that your s/o subconsciously believes that you guys are soulmates of some sort or that you share a strong past/connection with each other. At the time of your relationship, your s/o might really want you to express yourself more and they are thinking a lot about how they could encourage you. Another thing is that your s/o sometimes feels that there is a lack of commitment to the relationship on your part (it could also be the other way around but I believe more so that your s/o has these worries about you). They kinda have the feeling you are blocking them out and are not letting them get closer to your heart… like they feel like you’re showing a facade to them and not your real self. But it seems like your s/o knows how you truly are because they are so perceptive. Perhaps they feel annoyed by the fact that you keep this facade up even though it’s unnecessary - ‘Why don’t you trust me?🙁’. I’m not sure how to explain it exactly but there seems to be a blockage in your s*xual relationship. So, I assume that it will take a long time until you start doing something s*xual with each other. In the cards I got in this reading, most characters have their eyes closed or lock away/avoid eye contact. The only card where the eyes are open is the main card representing your s/o's s*xual energy and it’s with a deep gaze. I don’t exactly know why but you keep your eyes closed (metaphorically) and it also influences how you perceive your s/o because they also have their eyes closed in your perception of them but the truth is that they have their eyes wide open … you’re just not aware of it. Perhaps you should ask yourself what is it that you’re avoiding or that you don’t want to see? Do you fear intimacy? Maybe this is about you having to learn to face yourself and your issues and to not run away from them. Overall, I would say that it is important to improve the communication and the harmony/power imbalance in this relationship and for you to learn how to be more comfortable with revealing yourself and being closely perceived and accepted by someone you have feelings for. Also, this is really random because I don’t usually add songs to my piles but while I was writing the last part the song ‘GEMINI’ by Ethan Low came on and I feel like it might be important? ...like the lyrics seem kinda fitting, so try checking them out! Oh and on a side note, the color yellow and the month april could hold a special meaning too. I also have some advice for your pile three: ‘Pull through!’ and ‘Not everything always has to go according to a plan. Sometimes it is good when things happen differently - take it as it resonates!

🔞‼️ Other things I can pick up on that are partly more explicit (not for everyone probably and perhaps only once you guys feel more comfortable with each other):

If you are more the sporty type or have more broad shoulders they find this attractive as well as your upper arms + your legs, when you’re refusing to look their way it gets their gears running lol, also when you act ignorant or detached and when you seem to be in your own world - that turns them on, you stepping on their heart/love🔥, you both playing mind games with each other, when you’re far away from them it makes them super restless and needy, they like admiring you and embracing you (sexually and non sexually), they enjoy rubbing your tummy or caressing your hair, they might like seeing your sleep or watching you while you’re focused on something else, they just adore you, they like everything about your body, they make you feel very secure and protected, they may be good at talking dirty or charming you with their words, one or both of you could be into degrading, manipulating each other into doing things, slowly crossing boundaries (but with mutual consent i guess? I’m not sure about this but it could be like -safely- playing out scenes where you cross each other boundaries if that makes sense…i don’t rly wanna say it but something like ‘r*pe play’ perhaps but idk), they might get to a point where they idolize you and worship you like a god/goddess lmao.. kinda fanatic but you’re like an illuminating light in their life (why are they being like this😂), one or both of you could write poems/songs or make drawings to express you desire for each other because there is so much creative energy, daring and risky s*x, situations where being caught in the act is a possibility, you guys becoming more and more brave, knife play and bondage play, doing it outside/at public places or in different countries, being somehow seen/perceived/heard by other people, unique and sexual clothes and accessories (leather, latex…), sneaky behavior (mainly on your side), videos/filming, ...

you convincing them to try out new ideas is a big turn on for them, you’re super exciting to them, they love how you embody this effortlessness.. you’re like trendsetter or pioneer in their eyes, you being unique and daring with your style is super attractive to them, fast paced s*x and quickies, both of you are always very active (mentally and physically) during the act, domination of each other, lots of toys, perhaps more people involved in the act - maybe something like open relationship or polyamory or threesome etc., provocations here and there, selfishness and arrogance (acted out), lots of passion in this relationship, you both feel this sense of restlessness when you’re not together or when you’re near each other but are unable to act on your desires (like in public), when you’re doing it you’re so immersed in each other and in the pleasure that you kinda lose focus and just act on instincts only, you both can get very impulsive, doing it until burnout is surely a thing here, no planning no direction just following your instincts, disregarding consequences, unpredictability, dirty talk (degrading) probably coming from them because they are so good with words😉, changing positions often, rapid pace, kinda dangerous s*x?, make up s*x after a fight/argument, confidence (even if fake), aggressive movements, inferiority complex, riling each other up verbally, spanking, grabbing hair or holding someone by their hair, doing it through the backdoor (iykwim), s*exual activities that could be considered taboo or even offensive, them wanting to conquer you, they like it when your chest is revealed, you guys might sometimes have conflicting thoughts in your mind, there could be some dishonesty or trust issues (just emotionally! - there is no sign of cheating here), many temptation, some kind of imbalance- feelings don’t SEEM mutual (even if it is mutual) -> one is obsessed and the other sees them just a casual lover or something, there is a need for improving the communication between you two and there is a bit of baggage to work through (feelings wise), it might sometimes seem like you lead them on and that you’re not honest with them🙃, apathy and detachment is kinda a turn on, strong yearning for each other on different levels (emotionally, physically, mentally…), materialism, imaginary security, humiliation, orga*m delays, resistance (acting), distracting each other from issues with s*xual activities, playing into each other’s fantasies.

#shifting #shiftblr #pick a card #loassumption #pick a picture #pick a pile #shifting realities #pac reading #desired reality #reality shifter #shifting community #your dr s/o #free tarot reading #18+ readings #18+ content

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hansolsfearofbugs · 9 months

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Skz- Before He Confesses

little things they do while they have a crush on you, sfw

huyng line edition - Bang Chan, Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin

maknae line

part 2- how he confesses: hyung line

Chan

finds himself looking out for you like he does for the members

little things like making sure to set some of your favorite snacks aside (yes he payed attention) before the members get to them

or packing an extra hoodie in case you get cold (this one's not totally selfless...he can't deny how much he likes seeing you in his clothes)

this is more of a thing that'd happen when y'all are in a relationship but he would absolutely hold you in a way where he could hear your heartbeat

that hairtie you left lying around that one time? he's keeping it on his wrist in case you ever need it

sticking with that theme: he would remember all of the little things you've told him about yourself

he would know your favorite food, restaurants, places, clothing brands, books, tv shows, movies, colors, jewelry, and anything else

tries to casually slip his knowledge of these things into conversations hoping to impress you

would overthink every text he sends you

like he would draft everything in his notes app, read it over to make sure there's no typos and that theres the right balance of exclamation points so he doesn't seem to angry, but not so many that it's weird, and would have to take a deep breath before sending you anything

one of the members definitely found the note in his phone with all the drafted messages and he got so much shit for it lol

watches videos of you two over and over again while smiling like an idiot

Lee Minho

finds himself talking to soonie, doongie, and dori about you

"she's just funny and sweet"

"meow"

"exactlyyy"

is scared to get caught staring at you so he purposefully looks down when he's near you which just makes it more obvious that he likes you

this is what gets him caught by the members

is reduced to a quiet, blushing mess when the members confront him about his feelings for you

stalks your social media to figure out what music you're listening too

makes a playlist titled "her" with all the songs you like and listens to it to feel closer to you

will purposefully mix your songs in with his when he has the aux to impress you

so happy when he sees you smiling and singing along to one of your songs

brings you coffee and pastries in the morning but doesn't actually have the courage to give them to you in person

just leaves them by your stuff with a little note so you know it's for you :)

seo changbin

changbin is absolutely the type to become your boy bsf to get close to you

is there to listen or give you advice on everything

#1 outfit advice friend

i mean he's not necessarily the best at outfit advice but it's the enthusiasm that counts

gets so happy when you send him pics of different outfits and ask for his opinons

thinks you look so pretty in everything you send him

purposefully "accidentally" matches with you now that he knows what you're wearing

stands close to you whenever you're in group settings and will stare down any guy he catches checking you out

tries to "accidentally" make physical contact whenever he can

hand gently on your waist as he walks past you

knees brushing together under the table

grabbing your hands when he's excited

touches your shoulder when laughing

you're the only one thats allowed to call him binnie

the members heard you call him binnie and when he just let it happen they were so confused

that's how they figured out he liked you

they teased the hell out of him for it

hwang hyunjin

catches all his sketches turning into you

what can he say? you're his muse

daydreams romantic scenarios with you before he falls asleep

his personal favorite is slow dancing with you on an empty stage in the moonlight after everyone else has left

has made several paintings and sketches of that exact scenario

will sketch pretty flowers on napkins when y'all are out as gifts for you

has a collection of book quotes and songs that remind him of you

purposefully shows off a bit in dance practice whenever he knows you're watching

has a talent for finding you in a crowd if you go to a performance

takes note of the jewelry you wear and buys himself pieces in similar styles so he can match with you

has read every book and watched every tv show he's ever heard you talk about

always asks you to do up his tie for him when he's getting ready for awards shows

doodles on your arm when he's bored

likes to sit next to you while he sketches or reads and you get work done

doesn't bother him that its quiet, he just likes to be in your presence

steals glances at you while you're reading or working because he thinks you look extra pretty while you're concentrating

a/n: if you enjoyed this check out the maknae line version!

check out part 2- how they confess: hyung line

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hundredandsix · 11 months

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loser!ellie headcanons

✩ I haven't been able to get loser!ellie out of my head so...here we go. I love that this is basically the same thing as canon!ellie. Slutty thoughts at the end so mdni (18+) ✩

✩ I don't think she would be the first to make a move. She would do little, very subtle things like hold the door open for you and then panic because oh no that was too much! You're going to know!

✩ She would think she's being obvious, and she is, but not for the reasons she believes. Let's just say her brushing her hand against yours is not nearly as obvious as the way she follows you around and the way your smile makes her face turn red all the way to her ears.

✩ Speaking of her following your around, she is so unintentionally clingy, even before you get together. You would get up to go to the bathroom and when she realizes where you're going, she tries to play it off like she wasn't about to trail after you. When you bring it up to her, she's genuinely confused because no, she is not following you around on purpose. She would never do that.

✩ It would take her forever to realize you're into her, but when she finally picks up on it, that confirmation gives her confidence. She wouldn't be as afraid to make her feelings more apparent.

✩ Has such terrible rizz that it somehow comes full circle and makes her even more charming.

✩ She LOVES bossy, confident women. Ellie is not afraid to ask for what she wants, and she is definitely not the type of girl that would have you ask the waitress questions for her. But there's something about a woman that could put her in her place that she loves.

✩ At first, Ellie is always rubbing the back of her neck or playing with her fingers when she talks to you. She doesn't want to look like a dork, but she can't help it because you make her so nervous.

✩ She's literally the definition of a golden retriever masc. She's got the beat-up truck (that's actually Joel’s, but you don't have to know that), an outrageous amount of flannels, and carabiners to provide it.

✩ When she gets really excited about something, her brain moves faster than her mouth. She'll fumble her words and stutter. She gets really annoyed when this happens and has to take a deep breath and start over.

✩ She loves to rant about her interests to you. Don't you dare seem like you're not listening because she'll get really quiet and upset.

✩ I could see her having issues with being treated like "the man" in past relationships. It confuses her at first because she wants to protect her partner and care for them, but she also wants to feel that same love and desire toward her. She would be so drawn to you if you don't treat her any differently because of the way she dresses or presents herself. Obviously, she presents as more masculine, but she still wants to be treated like a woman.

✩ She has sooo many playlists. There are some about you of course but she also has some that are so highly specific. When you go on your first date, she has a playlist for picking you up and two different ones for dropping your off, depending on how it went. She definitely has the classic "depressed gay longing" playlist.

✩ She has exactly two pictures on her Instagram. One is her and Joel on his birthday and the other is a selfie she uses as her profile pic for everything.

✩ When you follow her back on Instagram, she loses her shit and starts fantasizing about what it would be like to be with you. She's screenshotting every selfie you put on your story and thinking about them in ways that are not very appropriate.

✩ She's the queen of "this reminded me of you" and will bring you literal rocks because "it looks like the whale from the aquarium we saw last week." Whether it's modern!ellie buying you little trinkets or jackson!ellie bringing you things from her patrols, she loves seeing you in all parts of her life. Even if you're not physically there with her.

✩ I love the pages of her journal we get to see in the game because they show us peeks at her internal monologue. They show us she is still very much the eccentric, starry-eyed girl we see in the first game. She's learned to hide it. Maybe to fit in or maybe because she's learned that wearing your heart on your sleeve can hurt. It's literally canon that she writes about her romantic feelings in her journal, so I think she would have little drawings and blurbs about you. She for sure has a stupid grin on her freckled face as she draws the highlights of your eyes and maybe even the dip of your hips. It's the only way she can think of to get you out of her head.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

✩ She's an ass girl. She loves every part of you and will literally kiss your eyelashes if you let her, but she has to physically hold herself back when you bend over.

✩ I can't think of who posted it, but I remember reading something about Ellie fake fucking you when you're bent over and she would totally do that at the absolute worst times. You'd swat her away and look at her with a raised eyebrow, but there's no stopping her because she thinks it's the funniest thing ever.

✩ The first time you kiss is an out-of-body experience for her. She's panicking because she didn't think she'd ever get this far. She wants to touch you but she doesn't know where or what you would like, so her arms are stuck at her sides. She's 🧍until you grab her hands and move them to your waist.

✩ Has a huge obsession with your neck. Loves to leave marks if you'll let her. Will come up behind you and wrap her arms around your waist while leaving wet kisses all down your neck.

✩ I could see her wanting to be both the big and little spoon. It depends on the day and the context. When she's the big spoon she'll jokingly hug you so tight you can barely breathe and wrap all of her limbs around you like she's trying to suffocate you. When she's the little spoon, she likes it when you play with her hair.

✩ Is an absolute slut for you playing with her hair. She's an insomniac and it helps her fall asleep. When you're arm gets tired and you want to stop, she'll whine and pull your hands back to her head.

✩ She would be more comfortable topping and doesn't want to admit that she likes to bottom just as much. She's a service top that would do anything to make you feel good.

✩ Girly is so shy when she bottoms. She'll get all blushy and tries to cover her face with her hands/arms. She loves it, but it feels so foreign to her to have someone's sole focus be on her.

✩ Loves eye contact, especially when your mouth is on her. If you look up at her from between her legs while giving her head, she has trouble thinking straight.

✩ Likes it when you pull her hair during sex and will groan for you to pull harder. Just move her wherever you want her because she thinks it's the hottest thing ever.

✩ I think she'd use a strap if you wanted her to, but it's not her instinct to grab for that. She rather you come apart on her fingers or mouth.

✩ If you wanted to use a strap on her, I think she would let you, but again, it's not something she would ask for. To Ellie, It would be more about pleasing you than her.

✩ Absolutely passes tf out after sex. She always tries to stay awake, but as soon as both of you are cleaned up, she's dozing off and letting out cute little snores.

✩ In summary, Ellie is the switchiest switch to ever exist and I will be taking no criticism on this

#hundredandsix #ellie williams smut #ellie tlou #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams #ellie williams x female reader #lesbian #tlou #tlou smut #ellie x reader #ellie williams x reader smut #ellie williams x you #ellie williams imagine #ellie x y/n #jackson ellie #bottom!ellie #switch!ellie #loser!ellie

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mikodrawnnarratives · 5 months

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*cracks knuckles* @paper-lilypie

WEDDING BELLS YALL

and brainrot. I've been sketching these ideas out for like, a year. And done nothing with them until this point

this has been festering. in my mind.

*note: I didn't get around to drawing it, but I imagine Sun, Moon, and Y/n say their vows at the Bell place thingie that I need to reread in the fic. Y'know, the place Moon climbs up to, to get away from y/n. Yeh they declare their love up there and smoochies*

I should really reread that bit actually lol

Before moving forward, I'm gonna rant about outfits

this is the outfit that I base Sun and Moon's wedding look on because I just think it fits so well. I share this so you guys see the vision and forgive my inexperience with drawing these folds

Cool? cool.

Also, I went through several variations of what Y/n would wear before settling on this bc nothing that came up when I searched "gender neutral wedding gear" really fit

Wanted a mix between gown and suit and y'know this ended up being more suit but I like it a lot so we're going with that. It also came to me in a vision so that has to say something.

(Ok but I did envision Y/n having a dress similar to this one character's dress in Bad Guys but I couldn't draw it so I scrapped it)

(ok some details stayed but most of the concept had to go)

so like- you see it right?

Btw. All of them (including guests) have pockets. just. to ease your mind.

ok back to actually drawn wedding shenanigans

Because, there are many, wedding shenanigans

Y'know the trend of smashing wedding cake into the bride/groom/wedded partner's face right?

There's no way this wouldn't escalate and y/n wouldn't enlist their siblings in the chaos.

They'll get like- one or two good wedding pics before this.

the cake tasted good tho

Let me just say. I am so proud of how I did these hands I'm oogling my own art I did so good GHGHHHHHHFDS

I like??? Want to do more?????

cuties shenanigans below they are obnoxious and they know it

By the way by the way you may notice the flower dress

I WILL be getting around to Lily x DCA STUFF I WILL

Tho I got busy and had a really hard time drawing/finishing sketches when I did have time so. I chose to post what I have so far so it's out before November ends

CONSIDER THIS A PART 1

LILY YOU ARE NOT SAFE

well Ig u are safe

for nowwwww

Bouquet toss real

fun fact I initially wanted to draw Sun, Moon, and Copper y/n tossing the bouquet together

but their arm lengths would NOT make that work kjfdkljsdklj

so y/n tosses the bouquet bc they are the specialest

(Or they won the round of monopoly)

(who's to say)

(we don't talk about game night)

But all three of them are the criminal. masterminds. They planned this from the start. Holly and Chica HAD NO CHANCE after the role they played in getting Y/N AND SUN AND MOON together.

I think this video would also be something cute that I could see happening for their wedding lol

Y/n and the daycare attendants hand the bouquet to Holly and then she gets proposed to by Chica

Anyway I still have a whole list of wedding shenanigans I need to draw

Sarah and Yao being some because when I tried before I couldn't sketch them out to my liking.

And the more CCRT gets expanded on, the more I'm sure will be present in their wedding since there are only 3 chapters out so far and enough art for me to make my guesses dlkkldsf

I'm sure there are plenty of fun things that can be included into this wedding, or edited, once more is revealed of the characters and their relationships

and who would be wedding guests is a little more up in the air, for instance and... who'd be able to show up in the first place considering unknown state of... living

(*cough cough*-Glamrock Foxy-*cough cough*)

...and being on good terms! thats.. important too. y'know moon and foxy weren't really exes but it may still be a bit awkward if he got invited y'know yknow

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bruciemilf · 1 year

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No Capes! AU where Bruce and everyone else is an actor.

Famous Hollywood moguls Thomas and Martha would've rather died in real life than make Bruce a child actor so he didn't start till he was 24

It's an ongoing gag that Thomas always tweets "On my way to die again! As if you didn't know" with every Gray Ghost remake

The Waynes are always just. So chaotic

Bruce and Selina constantly bring stray cats on set; Bruce just hides them under his black shirt famously known as a void with no end.

Behind the Scenes cuts have images of this man pulling 10 cats from under there and the director is convinced he has a cryptid on set

They have to edit so much footage because Bruce always says "sorry" after "punching" someone. "Bruce, they have padding, they're fine!" "And no health Insurance. Do something about that."

Sometimes he forgets to take off the costume after filming. The record set for how many Subways he sent into a panic is infinite

That being said, Bruce's kids aren't afraid of him at all, and WILL run up to him everytime they visit to chant "dork! Dork! Dork!" While flocking around him. He cries from happiness

But he cries all the time, so it's hard to tell for what

The movie's soundtrack is just Bruce's middle school playlist, " They said they needed something rotten and terrible, like, -- poison for the ears. If you listen to it you get sick."

Bruce's biggest "diva moment" was refusing to give up the eyeliner and he still sends apology cards to the cast and crew for his " horrible behavior"

"He just kinda said no a bit loud and ran out of the studio while sobbing quietly."

Literally every villain on set is a sweetheart. Selina does her own make-up as well as Bruce's and Oz's and you can see Carmine lurking like a little gobling behind them just to scare her

There's this joke that none of Selina's streams ever go well because the crew is her curse. She's trying to talk about how to steal on set, meanwhile, Bruce next to her, "Did you know cats have no collarbone. Also, the electric chair was invented by a dentist."

You'd think everyone's favorite duo would be Bruce and Selina, and you wouldn't be wrong, but the public can't wait for Bruce and Carmine to have a press conference or interview together

Mostly because Carmine obviously dealt some shady cards in his past and Bruce is so clueless . " Have I ever tried coke...No, I like Pepsi." While Carmine is trying not to laugh behind him

Edward is just as bad. He's trying to tell the director that's not how bombs are made, and someone's head exploding wouldn't look like that, and Bruce is like :O Eddie, I didn't know you were a gamer

Edward is a menace on set and Bruce stays blind to it because he like him. There's rows of videos of Bruce stopping mid scene, going " Eddie," before jumping on the guy like the kitten he's NOT

Alfred still brings Bruce lunch and snacks and he throws down with Oz for no reason. He always brings the kids (read; they sneak in) and it's very clear they're not getting any shooting done that day

Dick, age 10, impatiently asks why Gray Ghost can't have a sidekick. In the last moments of the movie Dick runs in, improvises a scene with Bruce, and the fans love him too much not to include him after

You just leave Bruce alone when his babies are on set; Damian is strapped to his chest cause he's so small that everyone almost steps on him, Jason is giving the writers tip, Tim is taking pics of everyone, and Bruce smothers them with kisses constantly

#bruce wayne #dc #dc comics #no capes au #actor au #battinson #selina kyle #edward nashton #batfamily #batfam #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #text #text post #gonna make some twitter edits for this aaaaaaa

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thoughtsforsoob · 3 months

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okay but what about little gangster bf! Mingi :0

everyone is so afraid of him because he's so big and scary but you never understood why they would say that about him! he's your sweet little guy who wants nothing more than to make you happy!

he is so extremely protective of you, especially because you both live in a part of time that's a little shady. he knows the situation is not idea but he promises you this is only temporary. once he has enough money together, he's going to buy you a nice little home in the nice part of the city and he's gonna let you decorate it however you want. he just wants his baby girl to be happy

you always worry about him the most when he goes out at night. you never know if your boyfriend will come back safely. there's been too many instances of him coming home with small wounds, scratches and busted lips! you always patch him up while scolding him lightly. he just listens to your voice that he loves oh so much.

when he takes you outside with him? he is practically looming over you. when you two are on the train, he's holding one of the handles with his other arm around you. god forbid some creep tries to touch you or sneak a pic under your skirt...he'll wish he was never born. Mingi makes sure to get someone to do the dirty work for him because his girl has all his attention at the moment and no creep is gonna take that away from either of you.

he takes you shopping and you get to pick whatever you want! he loves to spoil you. you hate letting him pay for your things and when he insists you pick something, you pick something small. it stresses him out that you don't want him to pay but you explain to him that you have your own job and own money, you can pay and he should save up for that pretty house you're gonna share in the future. he agrees but insists you still let him pay on occasion, which you agree to.

when you two are in bed at night, you lay on his chest and trace his pretty tattoos (you've never colored them in with skin safe markers a time or two! he starts to consider getting them filled in to make you happy but you urge him to leave them color less so you can have your now personal coloring book on his body. he literally does whatever you say)

your parents aren't a fan of him either...his baggy clothing, dark tattoos, and ear piercings are a little of putting...not to mention his whole lifestyle. he does his best to prove to them that he has nothing but good intentions with you. he plans to marry you and have a small family with you if you wish to as well. eventually, they warm up to him when he proves to be sweet and protective of you.

he loves you with his whole heart and no matter what happens to him at work, he's always going to come home and love on you!

(I never write for ateez so I hope this is okay!)

#ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez #ateez fic #ateez mingi #mingi x reader #mingi imagines #mingi scenarios

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ant0nsfirstluv · 6 months

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Riize romantic headcanons

A/N: firsttt postttt just some simple headcanons I have for Riize as boyfriends 🫶🏾 hope you enjoy

Warnings: none frm what I know

More under the cut

Shotaro:

So in love with you whaaattt 🙁

Teaches you some easy japanese phrases so you guys can have your own small convos and inside jokes with each other without others budding in LMAO

Hug machine, even if he isn’t just hugging you he has an arm around you in some type of way whether it’s around your shoulders, you two link arms, an arm around your hip, anything !!

For a date he’ll probably take you to the fair, he’d pay for all the food you two eat and has you get on so many rides the main one being the farris wheel, you will take pics in it !

He likes when you wear his clothes especially his big graphic tee shirts, he’d probs buy couple shirts for you two (the cute ones not the corny ones 😭)

Randomly teaches you dances and once you have it right he’ll kiss your forehead and tell you how good you did

Always checks in on you, sometimes he’ll shoot you a quick texts asking about how your day was and if you have anything you need to rant about

Uses cute emoticons rather than emojis when making your contact name

Eunseok:

He really loves you but gets worried that he doesn’t show it well :/ even tho he is literally the biggest sweetheart

Buys you snacks throughout the day and randomly hands them to you but will play it off by saying something like “ I got these because you’re greedy 🫵”

Places your hand in his jacket pocket, keeps a hand in the back pocket of your jeans, holds and kisses your hand while sitting together, silently plays with your hair in any way he can

Even though he’s nonchalant he does worry about you like if you’re taking longer than usual to get home or he can’t figure out where you are he’ll try to be calm but soon sends a row of messages

Has random moments of cuteness aggression, you two will be sitting together and he’ll look at you and just squish you by pinching/smushing your cheeks, randomly pulling you extremely close going “AAAAAH SO CUTE”

Basketball date 😗 will go tough on you until you make THAT ONE FACE, and then he automatically goes easy on you..hell he’ll even lift you to the hoop

Sungchan:

Your favorite giant

When in public he’s practically all over you so nobody even ASSUMESS you’re single, will literally hold you from behind kissing the top of your head + cheek

So clumsy. You’ll get random text from him like “How much is a doorknob.” And you’ll ask him why and then he sends a pic of the door without its knob

Lovesss kissing your face he CANTTT STOPPPP

Play wrestling is KEY ! you’ll be teasing him and he’ll pick you up and toss you into his bed or couch and start play fighting

Goes “😧😦” if you start fighting back 😭😭.

Goes out of his way to feed you, like randomly he’ll be like “you hungry ?” and even if you say no he’ll buy you a little sum sum to munch on for now or later

Yes, he’ll have you go to the gym with him to spend time together 😭

He’ll teach you the proper form for some of the machines and do goofy muscle flex poses in the gym mirror to make you laugh

Wonbin

In the beginning he’ll try to come off as some playboy and would be quietly flirty

Does things to come off as smooth..slides in compliments, somehow finds a way to wrap his arm around you, randomly asks you on dates

Even though he seems all cool and smooth in reality he’s blushing as soon as you look/walk away

Most definitely does things in order to impress you..plays your favorite songs on his guitar, tries his best to win if he’s playing with the members and knows you’re watching

takes you out clothes shopping and has you try on wtv he thinks you’d look good in, he’d think you were so cute and would try sooo hard not to geek out watching you dress up 😓

Gets you a matching pair of earrings with him :(( it’ll either have a matching gemstone or a matching engraved symbol

Its been confirmed that he can be clingy so he’ll do whatever to be around you, if you’re laying down on your phone he’ll come lay/sit by you and it turns into cuddling, he’ll follow you around without noticing etc etc basically like a cat lowkey

You two will be quietly cuddling soo close and then he just randomly says “I wish I could live in your skin.” And you’d go “What.” Just for him not to repeat it EVERRR

Seunghan:

this man is literally…delusional over you 😭

considering he’s a libra (imma whore for astrology) before you two would even be together he’d have a “SHE WILLL BE MINEE” mentality once his crush begins

for a first date once you two are together I feel like it’d be sweet and simple, you over at his playing games and watching movies eating some takeout with r&b playing in the back getting to know each other even moree 🫶

has you sit on his lap while he plays fifa just so you don’t feel lonely waiting for him to hop off the game,, he’ll even teach you how to play it + other games he has..PLUS he’ll shower you with kisses when either of you win

you know how seunghan will call sohee cute for doing literally anything…yea he does the same exact thing with you 😭😭

you wake up from a nap ? “cuteee”, you’re in the middle of eating “cuteee” even if you’re scolding or bickering with him about something he’d stop and go “cuteee”

possessive, just like Sungchan he’d refuse to let anyone even assumeee you’re single he’d give as much pda as you’re comfortable with just to let these mfs KNOWW

if a girl tries to flirt with him he’d shut it down so fast he’d mention you every 5 seconds just to irritate her and get her away

Sohee:

A bestfriend and boyfriend in ONEEEE

the members in the group call you two the twins because y’all are attached at the HIPPP

ofc he sings for you like cmon now . he’d sing you lullabies to help you sleep if you’re having a hard time, he’d sing to you while cleaning up together, sometimes he just feels like singing for you just because

likes watching you do your hair + makeup. he’d even ask you what each product does to your face or what you’re putting in your hair, he’ll even asks if you’ll let him do it for you one day ☹️

lovessss sharing with you. It can be anything..clothes, food, body wash, his computer whtvvv as long as you mention enjoying it he’ll share it with you

uses your shampoo or lightly sprays your perfume so he’ll have your scent around and wants you to do vice versa with his shampoo + cologne

he’ll randomly make you instant foods and will just pop up with the food with the biggest smile on his face even if you weren’t super hungry you couldn’t refuse a few bites

this is so specific . but imagine sharing icecream or a milkshake with him..like it would probably be so cute omfg 😭

Anton:

takes a random photos of himself + the members just for your reaction

makes you a playlist almost biweekly..has the title “for my other half” and the picture for it is either a solo candid pic of you he took one day or a photo of you two together

this is such a random headcanon but imagine one day you’re super burnt out tired or sick he’d help you brush your teeth and do your skincare in the morning

takes .5 pics of you and sulks/pouts if you asks him to delete them (he won’t)

literally uses pinterest to come up with date ideas

he’d come up with a day long date itinerary for what you and him would do like everything is planned out and he even has a few back up plans if things go left

he will carelessly blow your phone up sending hilarious ass tiktoks or simply updates you about his day and asks you about yours

let him take you swimming !!! he’d be a little shy with you seeing him shirtless one on one but he’d overcome it, he’d teach you how to dive and will even race you 😭

he’d feel awkward about public affection but would force himself to have courage and will suddenly kiss you + wrap his arms around you

likes nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck whenever you two are cuddling

if y’all aren’t holding hands you two are mosttt definitelyyy holding pinkies

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axelsagewrites · 7 months

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Jamie Tartt*The Bet

Pairing: Jamie x f!reader

Word count: 5794

Warnings: jamie asking the reader out as a bet, prick jamie in the beginning, mentions of sex but nothing explicit, angst, a lot of fucks but this is Ted Lasso

Materlist here

“mate do you know who I am?” Jamie said, gesturing to himself as he Issac and Collin sat in the back corner of a crowded nightclub, “I’m telling you man I could get any girl in here. Guy too if I really wanted,”

“please bruv,” Issac scoffed, rolling his eyes. They were used to Jamie being a cocky prick on the field but after a few too many beers and Issac getting rejected twice in one night he was bitter and felt the need to prove something, “all you do is get laid. You’ve not had a girlfriend in like ever,” he said making Jamie roll his eyes this time.

“at least I can get laid. Getting a girlfriends easy,” Jamie said.

“nah he’s right mate,” Collin pipped up making Jamie roll his eyes yet again, “getting laid’s the easy bit, you can’t make them stick around,”

“Keeley stuck around,” Jamie tried to argue but this time his teammates just laughed, “what?”

“all yous did was hookup it’s not like yous were proper dating,” Issac said, Collin nodding in agreement, “face it Jamie girls only talk to you for sex,”

Jamie scoffed at the pair but the more he thought about it he was wondering if they were right. Sure, he and Keeley had been together for a few months before they split but every time, they saw each other it always ended in sex. Now he was thinking about it he wasn’t sure if he had taken her on an actual date the whole time, “if I wanted to, I could have a girlfriend,”

“prove it,” Collin said making even Issac raise an eyebrow, “if you can date a girl for a month and get her to be your girlfriend by the end of it, I’ll give you my car,” Issac let out a low whistle as Jamie laughed. Was he seriously considering this? A new car did sound nice though, “but no sex,”

“what?” Jamie said, well almost shouted as he ignored the confused looks from those around, “no sex for a month?”

“what are you some kind of addict?” Issac scoffed at the man, “Collins right. One month, no sex, serious commitment. Then you get his car,”

Jamie shook his head, scoffing as he leant back in his seat. He ignored the probing and teasing of his mates as he considered it for a moment. Sure, he could buy a new car but the feeling of driving Collins car to practise would be pretty sweet, “fine you’re on,” he said suddenly making both boys head snap around.

Collin for a second looked unsure before he added his final stipulation, “but we get to pick the girl,”

Issac and Collin had insisted you don’t find a girlfriend in a club so by the end of practise tomorrow they would assign Jamie his target. When the two came up to him in the locker room after practise Jamie almost regretted the bet when he saw their grin. “we’ve found her,” Issac said.

“the perfect girl,” Collin added, “oh and I’ve decided if I win, I get your car,”

Jamie shrugged as he stood from the bench, “fine deals a deal. Who’s the girl?”

When Issac pulled out his phone for a second Jamie almost felt bad. Almost. He recognised who the insta belonged to instantly. You were Rebecca’s personal assistant, so it was not rare for Jamie to see you floating around Richmond, but he’d never seen your insta before. “no sex yeah?” He said, taking the phone from Issacs hand to look through your pics, “bummer but a deals a deal. Its gonna feel so sweet driving that Lambo,” he grinned as he tossed the phone back to Issac.

“you’ve got a week to ask her out or you instantly fail the challenge,” Issac said, “and as the one not putting his car on the line I’m the captain of this bet,” Jamie rolled his eyes as Issac proceeded to lay down the law, “and if we find out you lied about any after date activities or skipped a date with her then you lose and will owe a fine of £1000,”

Jamie scoffed, gesturing like Issac was a mad man, “whatcha gonna do? Stalk me or some shit?”

“she’s pals with Sam so he’ll tell us,” Collin said before his eyes went wide, “which reminds me no one but us three can know,” he said before glancing around the locker room, “it’s a secret,” he whispered.

Jamie rolled his eyes before pushing past them both, “whatevs boys. Don’t worry I won’t gloat too much when I win,” he grinned as he walked out the locker room leaving everyone, but Issac and Collin confused.

It was as if as soon as the bet started you had disappeared. Jamie was used to seeing you running all over the place but the one time he saw you the first three days was you driving off in your beat-up car. For a second, he thought Rebecca should be paying you better. It didn’t help that each time either of his friends saw him they reminded him the clock was ticking.

On Thursday however when Jamie saw you walk past the gym door, he quickly dropped his weights, running out the room with no thought or care for Roy shouting after him to rerack his weights. You were heading in the directions of the locker room and Jamie saw this as the perfect excuse as he jogged up to your side, “looking for me,” he said making you jump, almost dropping your clipboard.

“Christ Jamie you scared me,” you said, trying to catch your breath and also not make a complete fool out of yourself. “but no, I’m looking for ted. Rebecca needs him to sign something,”

“funny that most girls want my autograph not his,” Jamie said, trying to put on his best charismatic laugh but when you only gave a small chuckle and not a giggle like he was used to him thought he may have to change tactics. “I’ll walk ya. I’ve gotta grab something from my locker anyhow,”

“that’s nice but you don’t have to,” you said, giving him a small smile as you clutched the clipboard close to your chest.

In truth while you were trying to stay professional right now you did have a secret crush on the famous football player. Yes, you knew it was cliche and you knew Jamie flirted with every woman on the planet which is why you were trying to not fall for his adorable smile right now, “ah come on let me keep you company,” Jamie laughed, knocking his shoulder into you, “gets lonely walking these halls,”

You laughed at his dumb attempts at flirting and hated how easily you were falling for it, “ah yes the three-minute walk might be the end of me,”

“good thing you’ve got me to keep ya going love,” he joked.

This banter and small talk were the longest conversation you think you’d ever had with Jamie, and you couldn’t help but notice that while ted was signing the papers, he hadn’t actually grabbed anything from his lockers. “tell you what love,” Jamie said as he held the locker room door open for you, “I’ll even walk you back to where I found you,”

“oh, wow Jamie Tartt, such a gentleman,” you joked.

As you neared the gym again, laughing at one of Jamies dumb flirty jokes you bumped into Sam who said hello with a very concerned look on his face. After he said goodbye to you and you headed back to your office he turned to Jamie with a far more serious look, “what do you think you’re doing?”

“eh nothing?” He said, completely caught off guard by the seriousness in Sams tone.

Sam sighed and stepped in closer to Jamie, “it better be nothing. She is a good girl she doesn’t deserve to have her heart played with,”

“calm down Sam I’ve no done anything,” Jamie said as he tried to get past his teammate, but Sam grabbed his arm to stop him, “seriously man I’m not gonna hurt her,”

“Jamie, I know what you’re like. And that’s fine you can do you. But I won’t let you hurt my friend,” Sam said sternly.

Jamie rolled his eyes as he took Sams hand off his arm, “for your information. I’m a changed man. I plan on being the perfect gentleman from now on, alright?” He said but Sam just narrowed his eyes, “honest man. Getting bored of all this casual pish ya know?” Jamie said as he stuck his hands into his short’s pockets.

It wasn’t fully a lie. Jamie had been getting bored of all the one-night stands and the drama that came along but Sam just narrowed his eyes further before silently heading back to the gym. Jamie rolled his eyes as he followed along and headed to jump on an exercise bike, ignoring how Sam had gone to go whisper to Issac.

A knock on your office door made you look up with a smile, “hey Sam, you alright?” You asked as you shut down your laptop for the day.

“yes of course,” he said as he walked into your office and slumped down onto the chair in front of your desk, “just wanted to see my friend, is that a crime?”

“I’ll allow it,” you laughed as you packed your bag, “you need a lift home?” You asked as you grabbed your car keys.

“I wouldn’t say no,” he grinned as he jumped right back out the chair and you both began your decent to the car park, “but I was wanting to talk to you about something,”

“what’s up?” You said as you locked your office door.

Sam sighed as he followed you through the corridors, “what’s happening with you and Jamie?”

You shrugged, honestly not sure yourself what was happening, “nothing really, we were just talking. Did he say something or?” You asked.

“kind of,” Sam said, his face screwing up for a second, “he said he was a gentleman now, but I worry. I don’t want you getting hurt,”

“I’m a big girl Sam,” you joked, nudging him, and making him laugh, “besides he’s Jamie tart. I doubt he meant it,”

“according to Issac he does,” Sam said which honestly made you more surprised than anything. You spoke to Issac even less than you had Jamie, so it was weird to think of him and Jamie having deep conversations about settling down, “apparently, he wants to settle down or something. I don’t know whether to believe it but why would Issac lie?”

“weird,” you muttered as you and Sam finally reached the car park and he held the door for you to slip out, “besides that doesn’t mean he wants to be with me,”

“don’t put yourself down,” Sam said, nudging you with his elbow as he sent you a reassuring smile, “he’d be lucky to even get one date with you,”

“you have to say that” you said as you rolled your eyes and pulled out your car keys.

As you were unlocking your car the door to the car park opened again and out walked a freshly showered Jamie, his hair still clearly damp. He didn’t have a right to look this attractive you thought but you’d been looking for too long as when Jamie looked up, he caught your stare.

He waved with a wide grin as he headed over to his own car across the lot. You gave a small wave back as you slipped into the driver’s seat. You glanced across through Sams window to see he was still looking at you and you prayed to god he couldn’t see how flustered you were as you tried to start the car. Sam had seen though, and merciless teasing followed you the whole drive back to his house.

Jamie figured he had time, so he spent the next two days flirting with you in the corridors despite Issac and Collin reminding him he only had to Sunday. However, Sunday was matchday and you were always in the owner’s box with Rebecca. While she was your boss you had grown quite close, so you often sat wedged between her and Keeley as you tried to keep up with the team.

“did Jamie just wave to you?” Keeley asked as Jamie ran onto the pitch. Your blush was undisguisable as you tried to shrug it off, “omg babes you fancy him?” She practically squealed as she clutched your arm.

“maybe I don’t know,” you said, hating the way his name was already making you smile. “he’s your ex though so- “

“nah babes go for it. I’ve got Roy now. Oh, we could double date how cute!” The rest of the match was spent with Keeley telling you how perfect it would be, and you figured if his ex-spoke so highly of him then how bad could he be?

The match went smashing with Richmond winning three nil and soon you were in the press room stood next to Rebecca as ted got interviewed and you took notes. You looked up confused when Rebecca nudged you, but she just nodded towards the door. When you looked through the window you saw Jamie lent against the wall by the door and when you looked back to Rebecca she just smirked and nudged you towards the door.

You silently chuckled at the fact she’d obviously listened to yours and Keeley’s conversation as you made your way to talk to Jamie. “hey,” you grinned, shutting the door behind you softly. “you did great out there,”

“was easy with you cheering me on,” he smirked as he started walking down the corridor with you following after him.

“who said I was cheering for you?” You joked.

Jamie held a hand to his heart in mock offence, “love you’re breaking my heart here. Here I was coming to ask if you wanted to go celebrate my glorious victory,”

“cocky much?” You laughed but rolled your eyes at the way he smirked, “fuck off not like that,”

“didn’t say a thing,” Jamie shrugged but the devious smile on his lips said something different. “c’mon whatcha say love?”

You paused for a moment, crossing your arms as you turned to face him, “what did you have in mind?”

“you, me, fancy restaurant,” Jamie said, stepping closer, his finger brushing over your cheek so gently it felt like a feather, “some nice wine. Just some wholesome fun,”

“wholesome fun?” You laughed, trying not to get lost in his eyes. It was unfair this allure he had on you.

Jamie chuckled softly, “course babe,” the pet names sounded so good coming from him and his accent, “haven’t you heard? I’m a gentleman now,” he said, his hand falling from your face making you miss his touch but laugh at the way he placed his hand over his heart, “scouts honour,”

“were you even a scout?” You laughed as he shook his head no with a cheesy grin, “suppose one date wouldn’t kill me,”

“trust me love. You won’t regret it,”

You didn’t want to say you were shocked, but Jamie was right. The night had been perfect. You ate some of the best food in your life, drank some ridiculously expensive wine, and even started to flirt back with Jamie over dinner. He really was pulling out all the stops.

He wore his best suit, with a shirt as well even if he couldn’t bring himself to ditch the trainers. He pulled your chair out for you, ordered dessert to share, he even insisted on walking you home at the end of the night. “guess that’s me,” you said as you stood by your front door.

“guess so,” Jamie smiled as he looked down at you, “told you you wouldn’t regret it,” he said, completely ruining the moment but making you laugh as you unlocked your front door.

“give it time. I might regret it later,” you joked as you opened your door, half wondering if Jamie was going to try invite himself in. You were also wondering whether or not to let him. The night had been good after all, and you weren’t usually so strict on the three-date rule.

“I’ll text ya yeah?” Jamie said since he had only just got your number on the walk home, “better not be a fake one you gave me,” he joked.

“you’ll have to wait and see,” you laughed. Maybe he wasn’t going to try make a move then you thought, “goodnight, Jamie,”

Jamie stepped forward. He’s going to kiss me you thought but instead he leaned in to leave a soft kiss on your cheek, “night love,” he said quietly before stepping back, grinning at the way he had left you speechless, “see ya soon babe,” he said as he began to walk down the street.

You waved after him, unable to speak before you closed the door behind yourself. This really had been the perfect date. Maybe Jamie was a gentleman now. When you went to get changed you felt your phone buzz and you laughed when you saw the text.

-just checking – Jamie

You laughed, texting him back instantly.

-as if I’d give you a fake number lol

Jamie grinned when he saw your reply before tucking his phone into his jacket pocket. However, as Jamie was walking home a thought crossed his mind. Fuck, what if he really did like you? Sure, Jamie knew the bet was probably a morally wrong thing to do but it was for a Lamborghini, Collins prized car. He spent the rest of his walk home telling himself it was alright, even if he did end up liking you what was the harm? He’d date you for a month then give you a clean, mess free break up.

Then another issue started. Jamie had fallen for you head over heels. You’d spent the whole night texting, the next week constantly flirting or hanging out after practise. Within two weeks you had been on three dates and Collin had commented on his dedication to win this car which only made Jamie feel worse.

He’d kissed you on your second date after visiting the movies. He even waited till after the movie was finished to do it. It did not help him not fall for you. If anything, it made it harder to stay away from you. Your third week dating you hung out every day whether it be grabbing lunch or making dinner at his house.

The only drawback was Jamie having to turn down your advances, insisting he wanted to take it slow. But by week four he didn’t even mind not having sex. The casual nights watching telly was enough for him. The way you would cuddle him on the couch or how you would lounge around his house with him, both of you wearing his sweats and hoodies. Seeing you in his hoodie melted his heart.

“three more days and the cars are yours bruv,” Issac had said to him during practise and Jamie realised a terrifying thought. What if you found out?

Jamie shrugged it off, trying to forget about it the whole time but it weighed him down the whole practise. Jamie deliberately hung back in the locker room that night, making sure he could catch Collin alone, “maybe we should call off the bet mate,” he said quietly as the last person exited the room.

“why? Scared she’s gonna dump ya?” He laughed as he patted his shoulder before leaving the locker room and now Jamie was left alone to feel like shit.

That was till a gentle knock snapped him out of his thoughts, “ready to go?” You smiled from the locker room door. Jamie put on his best happy face as he grabbed his bag, wrapping his arm around you as you headed to the car park.

The whole walk Jamie was silently thinking about the shit he had landed himself in. Then again, the bet never said he had to break up with you. Issac had said only him, and Collin were allowed to know. He could just let Collin keep his car and no one would need to know. Yeah, it would be fine. He was sure of it. Everything would be fine. Jamie had no idea how wrong he was and how badly this week was going to end.

Jamie tried to push it out of his head that night, but it was now the only thing he could think about. You were both laying on the couch, you being the big spoon while he rested his head on your chest. “You okay baby?” You asked while stroking his hair. “You’ve been quiet all day,”

Jamie was snapped out of his thoughts glancing over to you with a small smile, “Sorry love. Just one of those days you know?”

Jamie tried his best to act normal for the rest of the night but when it came time for him to say goodnight and head back to his place, he found himself unable to pull away when he hugged you. “You sure you’re good?” You asked, your face pressed into his chest while his head buried into your shoulder.

“Course love,” Jamie said, placing a soft kiss to your shoulder, “Just gonna miss you is all,”

“Jamie,” you laughed, pulling him off you, “You will see me in legit less than twelve hours,” you said smiling as you leaned up to kiss him gently, “I’m not going anywhere,”

“Promise?” He said, his eyes sheepishly looking to the floor.

You laughed as you reached out, taking his pinkie in yours, “Promise,”

For the next two days Jamie was extra cuddly, extra lovey dovey, and extra boyfriendy all round. You weren’t sure what had gotten into him, figuring maybe the one-month mark was a bigger deal to him than you first thought. You ended up getting dragged into one of Rebecca and Keeley’s girl talks and when you told them about it. “Maybe he wants to get serious,” Rebecca said as she snacked on one of Teds biscuits, “He might just be nervous about it all. I wouldn’t worry,”

“Yeah babes,” Keeley said as she gave your arm a squeeze, “Jamie legit adores you he’s probs just nervous cause you’re his first long term girlfriend,”

“You think?” You said, nervously picking at the threads of your jumper.

“Totally,” Keeley said, looking to Rebecca who nodded in agreement, “Maybe he’s just nervous about your one-month anniversary,”

“Is that really a thing?” Rebecca asked, sitting down her biscuits in disbelief at the idea one month was a big deal.

Even you looked to Keeley confused, “Well yeah,” Keeley said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “Its sweet when you think about it. You’ve made him all soft,” she teased, poking your sides, and making you laughed. You were finally able to relax, and Keeley had even suggested getting him a gift.

The first gift you came up with that Keeley instantly agreed upon was sex. You really liked Jamie but this whole taking it slow thing was going really really slow. On top of making sure to wear something nice under your clothes on your one-month anniversary of your first date you had also gotten him, well made, a gift.

You didn’t exactly want to spend tons on a one-month gift, especially since Jamie had expensive tastes with his footballer salary, but you’d picked up a cheap football from a sports shop and a sharpie. You covered the ball in notes ranging from inside jokes to cheesy pick-up lines including ‘my favourite footballer’ and writing ‘you scored the best goal on’ then adding the day of your date. You were quite proud of it but just encase you took a box of chocolates as well.

The day had been so busy that you didn’t even get to see Jamie before you were rushed off to deal with a Rebecca crisis. No matter how busy you were you made sure to text Jamie at least once in the morning but when Jamie saw your text, he couldn’t help but smile.

-Happy one month anniversary babe, pick you up after work for a hot date?

Jamie was blissfully unaware of what was to come as he typed out his response before heading to the pitch. Collin had insisted the bet wasn’t over till the end of practice and Issac had let it slide, seeing the regret in his friends’ eyes when he realised, he was going to lose his car. Jamie couldn’t care less about the car though as he thought he was finally free from the bet.

He wanted to run up to your office as soon as practise ended but Issac insisted, he wait with him and Collin in the locker room till everyone else had left. When Danni finally left the room, waving bye to his mates as he left, Collin let out a heavy sigh as he pulled out his keys. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he said, his voice already choked.

“Mate its just a car,” Jamie said, already so fed up and wanting to find you.

“Bruv,” Isaac said, holding a hand to his chest, “a moment of respect,” he said, allowing Collin to whisper a goodbye to his keys as Jamie rolled his eyes, “Okay Collin its time. Jamie won the bet fair and square,” he said as he pried the keys from Collins hands and handing them to Jamie who sighed as he took them.

“I really, really thought she’d have broken up with you by now,” Collin said, shaking his head as he collapsed onto a bench, his head hanging low.

Jamie rolled his eyes at the dramatics of it all as Issac patted his shoulder, “I didn’t think he could go without sex for this long,” Issac added before nodding at Jamie, “Fair play mate but if you do dump her just don’t be a dick about it,”

“And for the love of god do not dent the car,” Collin pipped up as he lifted his head however when he did Jamie noticed all the colour draining from his face, “Eh mate. Bit of a situation,” he muttered, nodding his head towards the door.

Jamie spans around on his heels and his heart dropped to his stomach when he saw you stood there, tears already trickling down your face. Jamies mouth dried up as he searched for the words when the ball and chocolates slipped from your hand and clattered to the floor. “It’s not what- “Jamie tried to say but you were already backing away before turning to run down the corridor. “You fucking idiots,” Jamie yelled at his teammates before taking off down the corridor after you.

You’d think a professional footballer would catch up with you with ease but when Jamie ran into the car park you were already unlocking your car. “Wait,” he yelled, running over, and closing the door with his hand you’d tried to open.

“Why?” You spat, “Do you need me to prove you won?”

“Babe its- “Jamie tried to say, his hands reaching to hold your shoulders.

You slapped them away in an instant, “don’t babe me,” your voice was filled with anger but the tears streaming down your face was what broke Jamies heart, “You fucking used me. For some fucking bet. Is that all this was to you?”

“No of course not,” Jamie said, his hand grabbing his hair as he backed up slightly so at least you weren’t trapped against the car, “it was just some dumb bet but it’s not like I don’t like you. I really fucking like you,”

“Yeah right,” you scoffed turning to get in the car before stopping, “What did you even win?”

Jamie didn’t know if this would make it worse or better, but he knew lying was definitely the wrong choice, “Collins Lambo,” he said, his voice sounding more like a question as he waited to see your reaction.

“You only dated me because of a fucking car?” You yelled, not caring who heard anymore, “You broke my heart because of a car?!”

“I didn’t wanna hurt you-fuck,” Jamie said, his eyes growing wetter with each second as he tried not to throw up from the guilt, “I promise you that I like you. I think I fucking love you and I’ve never felt this way before and- “

You sighed, turning away as you tried to choke back a sob, “Be honest with me Jamie,” you said, refusing to meet his eyes, “If they hadn’t made the bet, would you have ever asked me out?” You waited for his response but when you turned round to see his jaw hanging open, his eyes wide, you knew the answer. “Don’t talk to me. Ever again,” you said as you jumped into your car and quickly sped off.

Jamie had well and truly fucked it. He felt like his body was on fire as he began to slap his own head, muttering a thousand fucks under his breath. Meanwhile you were trying your best not to be blinded by your own tears as you drove home alone to curl up on the couch and wallow.

A few hours passed and you were still on the couch with a massive tub of ice cream and a million texts from Keeley asking for a follow up from your ‘we broke up’ text. You couldn’t even bring yourself to text her back let alone go answer the door when someone rang your doorbell. Then it rang away. “Go away,” you groaned, sinking further into the couch.

Ring. Ring. Ring. The bell echoed through the house till you tore yourself off the couch, ready to go scream at the idiot at your door. But when you pulled it open and saw his big guilty brown eyes staring back at you, you couldn’t say a word. Especially not when you noticed the red puffiness around his eyes and the way they were already watering again.

“Is that my hoodie?” Jamie asked, his voice quiet and broken as he nodded to the oversized hoodie covering your frame. You paused for a moment before nodding silently. Jamie sighed, his eyes growing sadder, if possible, “Can I come in?”

You paused again, not knowing if your vocal cords could even manage the potential screaming match. Jamie shuffled on his feet, his eyes moving to the floor before you finally spoke, “Fine,” you whispered before heading back to sink into the couch.

Jamie followed, shutting the door behind you both and tentatively walking to your living room. His eyes scanned the room and he almost cried when he saw the ice cream, blankets, and crappy reality show on the tv. He’d made you cry. He’d broke your heart. No matter what happened he knew he could never forgive himself for that.

"I know I had no right coming over here," he started as he sat on the opposite end of the couch trying to give you as much space. You were already curled up on the other end, your eyes glued to the now muted tv as you avoided his gaze, "and believe me I know I don't deserve ya. But I couldn't walk away leaving you thinking I didn't like ya because I did and I still do," he said, his voice dripping with desperation as he searched his pockets.

He began to pull out one post it after the next making you look up at the sound of paper ruffling. They were all pretty crumbled up but Jamie picked them up one by one, "I love how smart you are and how you seem to know everything but don't explain things to me like I'm stupid," he began to read off the post it's chucking them on the couch before grabbing the next, "I love how when you laugh you look at the ground to try hide your face,"

"I love how we can lay on the couch together and not say a word

I love when you hold me and scratch my head

I love when you get sleepy during a movie and crash out on my arm

I love hearing your snores even if you pretend you don’t

I love holding your hand in public and getting to show you off to my friends"

Jamie continued as he read off at least 40 more post its which you picked up one by one as he grabbed the next. When he went to grab another your hand reached out to stop his and for a moment you allowed yourself to enjoy his touch, "I know it's not as good as the football," Jamie said softly, "but I mean it all. And I hate myself for hurting you,"

"you should never hate yourself," you muttered making a small smile creep on Jamie's lips, "When did it stop being just a bet?" you asked, scared for the answer.

"During our first date," he said making you look at him with a raised eyebrow, "I swear. I was blind for not seeing you before but on that date, it was--you were incredible. I couldn't stop thinking about you all night. I tried to call of the bet, but Issac thought I was just scared to lose," Jamie rambled before pausing for a moment and sighing," I never wanted to hurt you. I promise. You have to believe me," he said as he reached for your hand.

"It's just hard," you said, your voice already choking up again making Jamie almost cry himself, "and I really want to believe you because for fucksake Jamie, I love you too," the words he had longed to hear shot daggers into his heart.

"If you want to never hear from me again, I’ll go," Jamie said, holding your hands tightly and making you finally meet his eyes again, "but if you'll have me ill spend every day making this up to you. I promise. You, this, us. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me,"

You paused for a moment as Jamie's heart pounded in his chest, "One more chance," you whispered making Jamie break out into a grin, but you quickly added, "but if you so much as step a toe out of line,"

"I won't," Jamie cut you off as he gripped your hands tightly, "I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll be the perfect boyfriend, honest," you couldn't help laughing a little at his eagerness. Jamie raised your hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to each of your knuckles, "

#ted lasso #ted lasso imagine #ted lasso x reader #ted lasso fluff #jamie tartt #jamie tartt x reader #jamie tart x reader #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt fanfiction #jamie tartt x you #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt fluff #jamie tart fluff #jamie tartt angst #ted lasso angst

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shmaptainwrites · 2 months

Text

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐀 [𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐎𝐍]

PAIRINGS — James Wilson x ex-wife!Reader

SUMMARY — James and Reader have not been on great terms since their divorce, but an emerging situation with their son forces them to put aside their differences and work together and hope that past feelings don't resurface

WARNINGS — hospitalization, chronic illness, swearing, complicated feelings (idk y'all they're divorced what more can I say)

NOTE — Okay so I have so many things to say about this fic, but if I say them all this post will be way too long it already is like this came up as 33 pages in my docs but this is a day late birthday present for @shots-of-wilson-and-whiskey who also provided the James pic I hope you had such a fun day and a great year of simping ahead!

Pronounciation — Mahlet = Ma-h-let | Hennock = Hey-knock

Ever since you had become a mother, birthday parties were the bane of your existence. The sugar overload, the loud noises, the cleanup afterwards, all amounted to your own personal hell. Yet, you would move hell or high water for your son to have the most enjoyable party every single year.

Today was no different, eight years later you were still breaking your back to ensure every small detail was perfect, from the pin the spikes on the stegosaurus to the cake you’d spent at least a month painstakingly training to make.

A friend of yours, another parent from the school your son Julian went to, came over in the kitchen to give you a hand with some of the snacks.

“How are you managing here?” she asked and you took a deep breath.

“Managing is the operative word,” you chuckled. “Kids having fun out there?”

“Yeah, loads, you’ve outdone yourself again,” she assured you. “Will James be making an appearance?”

“I stopped asking myself that question after we got divorced,” you said while fixing the plate of vegetables and dip. “He’s supposed to, he promised Julian, but we all know how that ends.”

There seemed to be a bit of commotion out in the backyard and you tried to assess what was happening from the window, but your suspicions that something was off was confirmed when Julian’s best friend, Hennock, came rushing inside.

“Mrs. Wilson, something’s going on with Julian,” he said and you frowned while your friend followed you outside to see the kids circling around Julian who seemed to be gripping onto his chest.

“Jay, what’s going on? Are you okay?” you bent down to be closer to his eye-level, trying to understand what was happening to your son.

“Can’t…” he pointed to his mouth. “Can’t…breathe,” he wheezed.

Your eyes went wide, but before you could grab him and run for the car he began to cough and you hoped and prayed there was just something caught in his throat that would make its way out, but with the coughing came spatters of red all over your white shirt.

“Mahi,” you looked over at your friend quickly while picking Julian up. You didn’t have to say a word, she already knew what she needed to do.

Living close to the hospital, it was worth it to drive yourself, that way you didn’t have to wait for an ambulance to get to you. You had made the mental calculations many times before, just in case there was an emergency and now it was finally coming in handy.

When you got Julian in the car, you checked in on his breathing, it was still laboured, but at least at this point he was getting in the air, even if he was coughing up blood.

You turned on the car and began driving while calling your ex-husband with one hand. The line rang until you reached voicemail so you called again, expecting at least this time for him to pick up, only to hear the tone once more.

“Dammit James!” you threw your phone down on the seat next to you knowing you’d deal with him later, now you needed to focus on getting to the hospital without killing either of you.

Barely paying attention to how your car was parked, you grabbed Julian out of the back seat and ran into the ER with him.

“Ma’am, what’s going on?” a nurse came and asked you as you put Julian down.

“My son, he-he’s having trouble breathing and he’s coughing up blood I-I-I don’t know what’s happening.”

Before you could say a word they had whisked Julian away and another nurse came to ask you some questions about his medical history and any information that may be important to the doctors treating him.

“Where’s my son?” you asked, “I want to see my son.”

“Ma’am I’m sorry, but the doctors are working on getting his airway cleared, you can’t be with him right now.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line and bit back your tongue. There were a million and one things you wanted to say to the nurse, but none of them would help your situation. On the other hand, finding your ex might.

So instead of finding the waiting room you went over to the elevator and made your way up to the oncology department, briskly walking through the halls until you reached his office. At this point, you didn’t bother knocking, opening the door to see him sitting down over a file and talking with House.

“Hey Greg,” you said in a fake cheery voice. “Mind giving us the room?”

“Oh, this is the wife with the kid, did you forget to pay child support?” House asked James.

“Get out, Greg,” you said warningly and he listened, instead opting to steal the rest of James’ sandwich and slipping past you, while wishing James good luck and letting you slam the door shut behind you.

“What’s going on?” James asked, clearly confused by your demeanour and appearance. “If this is about the party I didn’t forget I was-wait is that blood,” he stood up from his chair and came over to you.

“What’s going on is you didn’t pick up your fucking phone,” you said angrily.

“Hey,” James looked at you sternly. “What is going on?” he repeated his question, this time more pointedly.

You could feel your lips begin to tremble and your vision became blurred while you shook your head.

“Who’s blood is on your shirt?”

You chewed on the inside of your cheek, “It’s Julian’s.”

“Julian-I-what happened?” his demeanour changed from frustrated with your attitude towards him to worrying for his son.

“I-I don’t know he said he couldn’t breathe and then he started coughing up blood and I just picked him up and drove him here a-and now they won’t let me see him.”

“You drove him?” he asked incredulously. “You didn’t think to maybe call an ambulance?”

“That’s what you’re hung up on? That I decided to drive because it was faster than getting him an ambulance?”

“That’s not what I-,”

“Yes it is,” you stepped back. “I wouldn’t have needed an ambulance if you were there.”

James sighed and chose to ignore your comment,

“Where is he?” he asked.

“Emergency room,” you muttered. “They won’t let me see him, you need to talk to them, say something, anything.”

James nodded his head, at least you could agree on that. He walked with you out of the office and to the elevator so you could go to the ER together and figure out what the hell was happening to your son.

When you got down there and James began speaking to the nurses, they informed him that Julian had been moved to the ICU and his respiration was being closely monitored while they ran a few tests to see what had caused the arrest.

You had to fight to hold yourself upright when they pulled back the curtain and you could see Julian hooked up to all the machines and with a ventilator tube stuck down his throat. You covered your mouth with your hand and shook your head again. This couldn’t be happening, now you were supposed to be cutting into cake and opening presents, not sitting in the ICU.

You stepped inside with James and he closed the curtain to give you a bit of privacy and decided to look over his chart and see if they had given any relevant information there. Seeing none, he turned his attention over to you, seeing your eyes filled with tears, unable to tear your gaze away from your son.

James walked over to you and cautiously put a hand on your shoulder, eventually encouraging you to turn around so he could pull you into his arms. You allowed your tears to soak his white coat, gripping onto him so tightly because there was nowhere else to hold.

You could hear his breathing change, accompanied by the small sniffles and you knew he was doing just as bad as you were right now, wiping the tears from his own eyes as he finally allowed himself to see his son as he was, sick, helpless, vulnerable, and only moments ago, without his dad’s help when he needed him most.

Your moment was interrupted when you heard the curtain being pulled back and you saw two doctors standing there. You pulled away from James and wiped whatever remaining tears were in your eyes so you could properly address them.

It seemed as though one of the doctors recognized James and when he looked down at the file and saw the name he made the connection internally.

“Can we talk to you guys out in the waiting room for a moment?” he asked.

“I don’t want to leave my son,” you shook your head.

“Ma’am, this is the ICU and the visiting hours are very strictly adhered to, I think your husband maybe got lucky and pulled a few strings so you could see your son, but we need to leave now.”

“He’s not my husband,” you muttered and reluctantly followed them out of the makeshift room and towards the waiting area.

“Did you find out what was wrong?” James asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “I looked at his chart. You took him for an emergency CT and bloodwork.”

“We also ran a few other tests,” the doctor began explaining. “From the medical history your, um, ex wife gave I had a suspicion of something so we ran a sweat test to check for elevated chloride levels and it just came back positive.”

“Chloride levels?” you looked up at James. “What does that mean?”

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “It means Julian has cystic fibrosis.”

“I-I’ve heard of that, is it curable?” you asked.

“I’ll leave you guys with Dr. Liu, he deals with the pediatric cystic fibrosis cases and will be able to answer your questions better than I can,” he wished you a good day and left you alone with the other doctor.

“Cystic fibrosis is manageable-,”

“So you can’t cure it,” you reiterated.

The doctor shook his head, “Unfortunately there is no cure for CF yet, but many people have been able to live longer and happy lives with the medical technology now available.”

James was silent, taking in all the information that was being presented.

“How did he get it? Is it contagious or-or was it just always there?” you asked.

“It’s a genetic condition, so he’s always had it, the symptoms have just gotten to the point where they’re now visible,” the doctor explained.

“I-It’s genetic so one of us is a carrier?” you pointed to you and James.

“We both are,” James said. “Both parents have to be carriers to pass it down to their child, right?”

Dr. Liu nodded and you pressed your lips together.

“C-Can you just tell us what this means for right now?” you asked. “I just think-I think I need a minute.”

Dr. Liu nodded his head and explained they were giving Julian medication to help with the infection and airway damage that caused him to cough up blood, then they would get him on some bronchodilators to help with his breathing for the time being while they assessed what other issues the cystic fibrosis had potentially caused in his body. He’d have to stay at the hospital for a while, but hopefully could be moved to the pediatric ward within the next day or so.

“We can talk more about what Julian’s medical journey will look like later, I’ll give you guys some time together and if you have any questions, Wilson’s got my pager and knows where my office is.”

You nodded your head and thanked him quietly as he left the waiting area. You finally sat down on one of the chairs.

James took the seat next to you and you covered your face with your hands.

“We couldn’t give him a functional family and a happy home and now we’ve given him a chronic medical condition to top it off.”

“Blaming ourselves isn’t going to do anything for Julian,” James said.

“And sitting around here is?” you asked and James sighed.

“No, no it’s not.”

You sat there in silence for a little while longer before you noticed James stand up and motion for you to follow him. As much as you didn’t want to listen to him and just sit and wait until they would let you be with Julian again, you got up and followed him to one of the OR supply closets. He used a key to unlock the door and sifted through some materials until he found what he was looking for, pulling out a scrub shirt in your size and handing it over to you.

You looked down at your own shirt, seeing the red specks of Julian’s blood and closed the door behind your both, pulling your shirt off over your head and handing it to James. You were about to put the other shirt on when you noticed the flecks of dried blood against your chest.

While you eyes were transfixed on that, James had grabbed an alcohol wipe package from the shelves and tore it open with his teeth, removing the wipe and reaching over to help you clean the blood off yourself.

“James, I can do it myself,” you reached for the wipe, but he pulled it away.

“You’ve got some on your neck too, just let me take care of it,” he insisted.

You knew better than to cause a fight over something trivial like this right now so you put your hands down, watching as James tossed your shirt over his shoulder and carefully began wiping away the specks of your son’s blood off your chest, collarbone, and neck.

“Have you eaten today?” he asked you while holding your face to tilt it to the side so he could get a spot he’d missed earlier.

“No, why?”

“Because it’s his birthday, you’d always forget to eat until dinner and even then it would be scraps from the party until I forced you to eat something better,” he recounted. “Let’s just go grab something from the cafeteria before we go back to the ICU, okay?”

“Will it make a difference if I say I’m not hungry?” you asked.

“You can’t take care of Julian if you’re not taking care of yourself.”

You scoffed and pulled the shirt over your head, “And you’ve suddenly become an expert on taking care of your family?”

“Believe it or not, we were once happy and there was a reason we got married and decided to have a child together.”

“And there’s a reason we got divorced too,” you added and opened the door behind you.

You didn’t go to the cafeteria, instead heading back to the ICU waiting room knowing either visiting hours would have to start eventually or they’d move Julian to his own room and you could finally sit with him.

James clearly hadn’t followed you so you ended up alone again, wringing your hands and waiting for some sort of news.

Eventually, you felt a bag drop on your lap and you looked up and saw James standing overtop of you. You looked inside and saw a package of a sandwich, a small bag of chips, and a water bottle.

You knew he was right, that if you didn’t take care of yourself you wouldn’t be able to take care of Julian, so you forced yourself to eat, even if you didn’t want to.

A little while later, Dr. Liu had returned and informed you that they were moving Julian to the pediatric ward and you could stay with him there in his room. When you joined him there, James had taken off his white coat and tossed it on one of the chairs, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt and sitting down next to Julian’ taking one of his hands in his own.

“Don’t you have patients you need to see?” you asked, sitting on the opposite side of the hospital bed.

“I told Cuddy I needed the day, someone else is taking care of it for me,” he said, not removing his gaze from Julian.

With the two of them sitting next to each other like that, you could clearly see the similarities Julian had with his father. They shared the same eyes and nose, and when they smiled they had the same little creases around their eyes.

You wished that’s what you could have been looking at, them smiling together, instead of the frown etched onto James’ face and Julian still fast asleep while an oxygen mask now delivered the air he needed to help him breathe.

“Do you know much about cystic fibrosis?” you asked James, brushing your thumb against Julian’s other hand.

“Only that it mainly affects the digestive system and the respiratory tract,” he explained. “I’m not too familiar with how it's managed, just that there’s regular doctor’s visits and probably some medication and therapies involved.”

You could feel a small stirring and you looked down and saw Julian’s hand begin to move underneath yours.

You smiled when you saw his eyes blink open and James was quick to stand up and come closer to him so he had a familiar face to look at while he took in his surroundings.

“Hey buddy,” James smiled and you could see Julian light up at the sight of his dad. He lifted his hand to try to remove the oxygen mask, but James gently encouraged him not to. “This is giving your lungs an extra hand right now, let’s just keep it on until the doctor tells us it's okay to take it off.”

“But you’re a doctor,” Julian countered and James chuckled.

“I am, but I'm not your doctor. I am, however, your dad so you have to listen to me anyways,” he teased and bent down to kiss his son’s cheek and tickle him a little bit in the process.

“Hey, go easy on him,” you placed a gentle hand on James' arm and he laid off.

“You know,” James said. “It’s still your birthday.”

“It is?” Julian asked and you both nodded and James reached down to grab something he’d brought with him.

“All the presents your friends got you are at home waiting for you to get better so you can open them, but this is what I got for you,” he said. “I was gonna come and bring it to the party, but I think you brought the party to me.”

Julian laughed a little at that and you rolled your eyes, of course James could make himself look good by not showing up.

He sat up with the help of his dad and pulled out the tissue paper from the bag to see the present that was hiding underneath. With a big grin on his face, he took out a dinosaur stuffed animal along with a book all about the different species of the Cretaceous period.

“This is awesome,” Julian grinned. “Thanks dad, I love it.”

James gave Julian another kiss and you joined them, taking a seat on the bed and glancing over at the book on Julian’s lap.

“How are you feeling sweetheart?” you asked, fixing the twisted band of the oxygen mask on his face.

“My throat hurts a little bit,” he admitted. “And I’m kinda hungry.”

“Let me call a nurse and we’ll see what you can eat,” you said and pressed the button to send someone over from the nurses’ station.

Meanwhile, James poured Julian a glass of water and helped him take a few sips of it. His throat was probably irritated from being on the ventilator, but his lungs had become stabilized from the use of the bronchodilators.

The nurse came and you spoke to her about getting Julian something to eat and she said she’d double check with Dr. Liu and then grab him some food.

“Hey, Jay,” you walked over to the bed and took your son’s hand in yours. “Are you okay to hang out here with dad while I go grab some stuff from home? The doctors said we might hang around here for a few days so I think I need to pack a bag.”

“Yeah, that’s okay,” Julian nodded. “Are you okay mom?” he reached up and touched your cheek and you realized you'd let a few more tears slip.

“Yeah, I’m just really happy you’re okay,” you wiped the tears away and pressed a big kiss to his cheek. “Right, Jamie? We’re both happy he’s okay.”

James looked over at you with softness reflecting in his eyes at the sound of the nickname he hadn’t heard in a long time and nodded his head.

“Bring some cake back with you,” Julian whispered. “Even if dad and the doctor say no we can sneak some.”

You laughed at his plan and gave him another kiss, assuring him you’d pack some in a container to bring for him when you came back.

When you arrived at your home, you thought you might cry at the sight in front of you. The kitchen and living room were completely clean, presents piled neatly on the coffee table along with a new card you didn’t recognize. Coming closer, you noticed the bright marker, signature of eight-year-olds across the country, with the message Get Well Soon Julian! written on it and signed by all his friends who had attended the party.

You packed the card in your bag along with a few other things and made a mental note to grab a nice thank you gift for Mahlet to thank her for what she had done.

As promised, you cut a big chunk of cake, enough for the three of you to share, and packed it in a tupperware to bring back to the hospital.

You grabbed a few changes of clothes for both you and Julian and changed out of the temporary shirt you had on and into something more comfortable for the rest of the evening, making sure everything you needed was in place before heading out and going back to the hospital.

When you got back to Julian’s room you saw James squished in next to him on the bed, the book he had bought him opened on his lap as he read its contents to Julian. Julian was resting his head against James’ arm and James was doing those big exaggerations he always would whenever he’d read bedtime stories to Julian, emphasizing all the insane details and changing the inflections of his voice in just the right way to make him laugh.

“I brought cake,” you grinned, holding up the container as you entered the room, holding three plastic forks. “If Dr. Dad says it's okay, we can eat it.”

“Dr. Dad desperately needs some sugar,” James nodded his head and closed the book for the time being while you took a seat by Julian’s legs and opened the container, handing each of the boys a fork.

You helped Julian take off his oxygen mask for the time being and placed it off to the side, acutely aware of how his breathing sounded more laboured without it.

James only snuck in a couple bites of the cake before taking the mask from your side and holding it ready in case Julian needed a bit of an extra hand.

Just as he had predicted, after a few bites of cake Julian was noticing a bit of a difficulty to get air into his lungs and James held up the mask to his face, allowing him to take a couple deep breaths.

“What do you think of the cake, Jay?” you asked.

“Really good, just like everytime you make it,” he grinned.

“I’m sorry you didn’t have a great birthday, buddy,” James apologized. “I mean with all your friends and classmates.”

“What do you mean?” Julian asked. “I think I had a good birthday.”

“You do?” you frowned curiously, wondering what kind of light he’d seen in the day that you and James as worried parents had somehow missed. “What made it good?”

“We’re sitting eating cake. Together. Just like when I was little,” he said simply and you chewed on the inside of your cheek, looking over at James whose gaze hadn’t left Julian. He almost looked disappointed, at what, you couldn’t place, but at least for the moment Julian was happy and that was all either of you really wanted.

—

You grabbed your purse from the ground and thanked Dr. Liu for all of the information he had given you and assured you’d be there with Julian at the allocated follow-up time you had arranged. You were just about to leave when James came rushing into the room, apologies spewing out of his mouth for being late.

“Late? You missed the whole appointment.”

“I-I did?” he said, looking down at his watch and cursing when he saw the time.

“Jay, sweetheart, why don’t you sit down here,” you moved out of Dr. Liu’s office and set him up on a chair in one of the general waiting areas and handed him his dinosaur book from your purse. “I just need to go have a chat with your dad real quick.”

Julian nodded and opened up the book, flipping through the pages while you grabbed James’ arm and pulled him into a dead-end hallway so you could speak in private.

“What the hell took you so long?” you asked firmly. “We waited for twenty minutes before even starting the appointment!”

“I’m sorry,” James apologized, “I was in the OR with a patient and something went haywire and it took longer than expected to fix it.”

“Still, you couldn’t have told someone to at least pass on a message?”

“I was in the middle of saving a patient’s life! What did you want me to do?”

“I wanted you to be there for your son,” you whispered harshly. “You make promises you can’t keep and I have to watch him get disappointed over and over again. He does not deserve that, especially now.”

James placed his hands on his hips and said,

“I am trying to be there, it’s not for lack of effort-,”

“Well try harder!” you threw your hands up in the air. “You’re an ex-husband James, not an ex-father. You don’t have to show up for me anymore, but you damn well better show up for him.”

When he said nothing you continued.

“Believe it or not, you don’t have to work as much as you do James. You chose to do that and right now that’s coming at your son’s expense and he is scared and vulnerable and neither of us know half of what Dr. Liu is talking to us about. Do you know what he said to me when I was confused about the management plan? He said Dad would know what this means. Dad can help us. And he’s right, you would have known and you can help so stop acting like your fucking schedule controls you and get your schedule under control.”

James was quiet for a moment before he nodded his head,

“Okay,” he said simply.

You knew better than to get your hopes up with him and you didn’t have any more energy to argue, so you told him you could talk more later, but right now you were going to take Julian home so he could rest in his own bed and finally open his birthday presents.

“Is dad coming with us?” Julian asked when you picked him up and began walking away to leave the hospital.

“No, not this time,” you shook your head.

“Did you fight with him again?” Julian asked and you pressed your lips together.

“We just had a disagreement,” you settled on. “You can call him later when he’s done work if you want to talk to him, sounds good?”

Julian was content with your answer and left it at that.

Over the next few days, aside from Julian’s call, you didn’t hear much for James and you assumed things were right on track to going back to the way they had always been. You loved your son to pieces, but this was one time you wished his dad would be here to support, working and caring for Julian on top of trying to figure out how to be his at home doctor was already taking its toll and you didn’t know how you’d be able to keep it up.

One night, you were sitting in the living room reading a book Dr. Liu had recommended. It was detailing strategies for parents with children who had cystic fibrosis. In the middle of your chapter you were interrupted by a knock to your door and you put in your bookmark, wondering who was stopping by this far into the evening.

Unlocking the door and opening it, you found it hard to hide the surprise in your face when you saw James on the other end.

“James?” you tilted your head. “I haven’t heard from you at all this week, what’s going on?”

“I reduced my patient load,” he said, “and I talked to Cuddy about reducing my clinic hours. I still have to do some administrative stuff for the department, but it can be done from home for the most part.”

“Oh,” you were surprised to say the least. You didn’t realize your outburst the other day had worked.

“You were right,” he said. “I need to be here for Julian and I can’t do that if my work always comes first.”

You nodded your head, following along with what he was saying.

“C-Can I come in and see him?” James asked. “I know our custody agreement has always been all over the place-,”

You didn’t say anything, simply opening the door wider for him to come inside.

“He’s asleep in his room,” you said. “When you’re done we can talk some more.”

James nodded and stepped inside, slipping off his shoes and taking off his jacket, making his way to Julian’s room to sit with him for a moment before joining you in the kitchen.

“Want something to drink?” you asked and he said some water would be nice. You poured him a glass while waiting for the water to boil for your tea.

“I saw the book you were reading over there,” he pointed to the couch. “Dr. Liu recommended it to me too, I just finished it the other night.”

“Show off,” you rolled your eyes and handed him the glass.

“What I was trying to say is I think something that stood out to me is having consistency and a routine is good, especially when things are new,” James explained. “I don’t think it makes sense for him to be moving back and forth from here to my place.”

“So you think we should have a home base here?” you confirmed and he nodded.

“I can come by more often, if there’s days where you need to be at work I can be doing the administrative stuff here after school and take care of Julian until you get back.”

You pursed your lips and as you heard the kettle click, moved to pour your hot water into the mug you were holding.

“These are all good ideas,” you started.

“I’m assuming there’s a but coming?”

“But I don’t want to give Julian the wrong impression is all.”

James shook his head.

“You really need to pick whatever it is you want,” James crossed his arms over his chest. “First I’m not here enough, I don’t put my family first. Now I’m putting my family first and you’re worried Julian’s going to think this means we’re getting back together.”

“He doesn’t need to get his hopes up for something that’s never going to happen,” you said flatly.

“Have you ever considered having a conversation with him instead of shielding him from every little thing that might hurt him?” James asked and you rolled your eyes.

“Clearly every little thing can hurt him!” you pointed over to his room. “He can’t even breathe without help, James. Maybe he needs to be protected.”

“Stop, just stop,” James ran a hand over his face. “I can’t get into a fight with you every single time we see each other. Julian is just as much my son as he is yours, if this is going to work we need to be able to have a conversation with each other.”

You took a sip of your tea and said,

“Okay, I’m worried Julian might take the fact that you’re around more the wrong way.”

James nodded his head, “I hear you, so maybe we should talk to him about it and say I’m coming around more to lend a hand around the house and help take care of him.”

“Dad? What are you doing here?” as if on cue, Julian had walked into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes awake and adjusting to the light.

“Julian, where’s your oxygen mask?”

“I don’t wanna wear it mom,” he whined. “I don’t like the way it feels on my face.”

You sighed, having had this conversation at least five times before, you didn’t know what else you could say to convince him.

“Hey buddy, maybe we should listen to mom on this one,” James suggested. “You know that feeling you’ve got right here,” he pointed to his chest. “That’s only gonna get worse if you don’t wear it and we don’t want to have to go to the hospital again, right?”

Julian shook his head and sighed, stomping back over to his room to grab the portable machine and place the tube under his nose and around his ears, allowing him to get the right amount of oxygen.

You looked over at James gratefully and he reached his hand out to yours and gave it a squeeze. It was nice being on the same team even if you had just been arguing.

When Julian came back he repeated his question to his dad who explained that he was here to talk to you about a few things that would be changing soon and that he’d be around more to help look after him.

“If you’re going to be here to help look after me can you stay tonight?” Julian asked. “Mom still has some of your clothes in those boxes in her closet.”

“She does, does she,” James looked over at you.

“It was the stuff you wanted to give away and I never got around to it,” you said. “There’s probably a hoodie and some pyjama pants in there if you want to stay.”

James pressed his lips together and sighed,

“You know buddy as much as I would love to have a sleepover with you I don’t think it’s a good idea if I spend the night here,” James said. “But I can tuck you in again and wait until you fall asleep to go back home.”

“Mom, can you come too?” Julian asked and you nodded your head.

James stood up and helped Julian carry his portable oxygen machine back to his bedroom and you trailed behind them, watching as James carefully tucked Julian back under the covers while peppering his face with small kisses, like he would do when Julian was younger and just learning to sleep in his own room.

“Dad that tickles,” Julian giggled and James simply smiled and continued littering his face with kisses.

“Too bad. I love you too much; I just can’t get enough of you.”

“Alright, move it,” you nudged James from the opposite side of the bed and took your turn. “It must tickle having two parents who love you so damn much.”

“It does,” Julian’s laughter died out as you both finally left him alone, sitting on either side of his mattress.

You both wished him a good night and waited as he slowly fell back asleep. When his breathing was steady and his grip loosened on yours and James’ hands you took it as your cue to leave the room.

James placed a hand on your shoulder as you stepped out of the room, prompting you to turn around and face him.

“I’ll come by tomorrow and we can work out a schedule or something, does that sound good?”

You nodded your head,

“Yeah, I have a work thing tomorrow in the evening, I was gonna ask Mahlet, Hennock’s mom, if she could come look after Julian, but if you’re around…”

“I’ll come for dinner and then do the bedtime routine,” he said and you smiled.

“James I’m begging you-,”

“I won’t be late,” he assured. “No surgeries planned and I’m ending my shift with clinic duty.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line and nodded your head.

“I’ll see you then,” you patted his arm and he showed himself out.

You walked back to the kitchen grabbing your now lukewarm cup of tea and sitting back on the couch picking up your book and opening it, reading until you couldn’t keep your eyes open any longer, falling asleep right there on the couch.

—

Over the next few months, you, James, and Julian had developed some sort of routine around school, work, and doctor’s appointments. A part of you thought you were spending more time together as a family than when you were married.

Today you had to go in for work, also having reduced your hours, but in a way that you were working in tandem with James. When you arrived back home the house smelled like warm spices and big plates of home-cooked food.

You dropped your keys on the entryway table, next to James’ keys and wallet and took off your jacket, hanging it up before coming to the kitchen and seeing Julian and Hennock doing their homework at the island.

“Mr. Wilson, what is the difference between these two words?” Hennock asked, holding up his paper so James could see while cutting some vegetables for a salad.

“I think the first one is the kind of principal in your school that looks after all the students and the other one is… man, that’s hard to describe. Hey, how do you describe what principle is to an eight-year-old?” James asked you.

“I think that kind of principle is something that guides the way people behave or act,” you sat next to Julian and Hennock. “Like a principle is the foundation for something that people believe in.”

Hennock and Julian still looked a little confused by your explanation so you tried to give an example.

“So a principle could be to be kind to everyone we meet and so people who believe in that principle will try to follow it.”

That put it in better terms for them to understand and there was a chorus of oh’s before they looked back down at their papers and scribbled down a few things to answer the questions they were asked.

“They learning about homonyms?” you asked James and he nodded.

“I talked to Mahlet,” James said, changing the topic. “Hennock’s gonna stay for dinner and she’ll come pick him up around seven.”

“Sounds good, it’s always nice to have you, Henny,” you smiled and ruffled your hand through his coarse curly hair in an endearing way.

“Thanks, Mrs. Wilson,” Hennock smiled.

James was now over the stove, stirring what looked like a soup before giving it a taste and figuring something might be missing.

“Can you taste this?” James asked. “I don’t know why, but every time I make it there’s something off.”

You took a spoon and tried a little bit of the broth, looking down to see that he was making matzah ball soup and immediately when you tasted it you knew what was missing.

“I know what it is,” you said. “But you can’t tell your mom I told you. She swore me to secrecy.”

“My mother told you this?” James asked and you nodded.

“When we were getting married she wanted me to know how to make it the way she would for you when you were sick.”

“And she didn’t think to tell her own son how to do this?” he seemed thoroughly offended, but all you could do was laugh.

“It’s tarragon. I don’t think it’s something everyone adds, it was just something special she’d put in hers to make it a little different. Here,” you reached into the spice cupboard and took out a jar of dried tarragon and took a bit of the herb out of the container and crushed it in your hands before sprinkling it into the soup. James mixed it in and gave the broth a minute to soak in the flavour before trying it again and shaking his head.

“I can’t believe she didn’t tell me!”

“I’ll let you finish having your little meltdown,” you patted his back. “I’m gonna hop in the shower quickly and we can eat when I get out.”

“Did Dad forget the tarragon?” Julian asked and you nodded your head.

“Wow, so everyone knew, but me?” James asked and you nodded your head with a shrug.

“Sorry, I guess your mom has favourites, or something.”

“Figures,” James teasingly rolled his eyes and you chuckled, waving him off and going to take a shower and change into something a little more comfortable.

When you came back outside they had migrated to the dining room table, each with a bowl of soup in front of them and a plate of salad. You sat on the same side as James since Julian and Hennock were already sitting next to each other and the boys happily recounted the details of their school day and playdate with you while everyone ate their soup and salad.

“What did you do at work, Dad?” James asked.

“Oh, nothing interesting,” he shook his head. “I think your mom was doing bigger things than me.”

“Bigger than treating people with cancer? You flatter me,” you drank some of your soup’s broth. “I had a meeting with a big company about a building they’re making.”

“Did you go do a site visit?” James asked and you nodded.

“Engineers are being a pain in the butt, keep making me adjust the design, but we’ll see who gets the last laugh.”

“Mom always does,” Julian told Hennock and they chuckled along with James.

After dinner James helped you clear up some of the dishes before heading out and leaving you with the boys. When Mahlet came by to pick Hennock up you invited her in for tea and a little visit.

“Thanks for coming to stay with Julian the other night,” you said after handing her a mug. “For once, I was the late one and James had an emergency come up so it was a huge help.”

“And how are things now, with the co-parenting?”

You took a sip of your tea, “Weirdly good,” you admitted. “We don’t argue as much which is nice and Julian gets to see his dad more.”

“Do you think maybe you’re not fighting because he’s changing?” she asked.

“I don’t wanna go down that path,” you shook your head. “If Jay hadn’t been diagnosed things would still be the same as they always were.”

“But they’re not. More often than not people show their true colours during times of difficulty.”

You took a deep breath and sighed, “If that was the case I would have seen something worth keeping when my marriage was falling apart.”

Mahlet nodded, seeing as you had a point and your conversation was halted as they boys came out of Julian’s room.

Mahlet and Hennock left shortly afterwards and you quickly got Julian ready for bed, tucking him in and then going to get settled yourself. You looked through a few client papers for work before calling it a night and turning off your bedside lamp, curling into bed and falling asleep.

Your sleep was interrupted in the middle of the night by a tapping on your shoulder and when you blinked your eyes open you saw Julian standing next to your bed.

“Jay, sweetheart, is something wrong?” you asked.

“My stomach really hurts,” he told you and you sat up, motioning for him to come sit with you on the bed.

“Where?” you asked, turning on the light and he pointed to the upper right corner of his abdomen. If you remembered correctly that wasn’t exactly where his stomach was and your suspicions were confirmed when you saw the yellowing whites of his eyes. “Oh, sweetheart, I think we have to go to the hospital.”

“The hospital? What happened?” Julian looked worried and you assured him everything would be alright.

“We’re just being safe,” you told him. “I’m gonna call your dad, maybe he can tell us a little bit more of what’s going on. Do you feel good enough to get your jacket and shoes and your hospital bag?”

Julian nodded his head and you gave him a kiss and he went off to grab his things while you did the same, but also taking your cell phone and calling James.

It took a few rings, but he eventually picked up.

“Hey, did something happen?” he asked and you could still hear the sleep thick in his voice.

“I think something’s wrong with Julian. I’m gonna take him to the hospital, can you meet us there?”

“Yeah, of course, I’m on my way.”

“James…the whites of his eyes were yellow. Does he have jaundice?” you asked.

“It’s possible, was there anything else?”

“Yeah, he mentioned stomach pain, but he pointed to like his upper right abdomen, I think,” you explained while grabbing your bag and putting on some socks.

“Makes sense as a liver issue,” you could hear his car starting in the background. “If he’s presenting symptoms now I would call an ambulance.”

“James-,”

“Just trust me,” he said. “Call 911.”

“Okay,” you nodded your head and hung up, calling the emergency services and explaining the situation to them and then to Julian while you waited for them to arrive.

James made the right call, seeing as while you were in the ambulance Julian began to throw up and the paramedics obviously handled it better than you could have if you had driven him.

When you arrived at the ER they wheeled Julian away and you began getting flashbacks to when you first brought him in.

“Where are you taking him?” you called after them, but no one answered you. “What the hell kind of hospital is this?! Where are you taking my son?!”

“Ma’am they're taking your son to do a liver biopsy,” one of the nurses came back and informed you. “We need you to sign this consent form.”

You nodded your head and took the pen from her hand, signing it, but just as you were about to ask her a question she ran off to give them the okay.

You could feel your anger and worry bubbling inside your throat and you wanted to let it out in a scream and you were about to go running after her, but before you could you felt someone grab your wrist and pull you back.

“James let me go,” you said warningly, looking back at your ex-husband.

“No,” he stated just as firmly.

“James-,”

“I am not going to let you do something you’re going to regret,” he said and pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you, even when you pushed to get away.

“James, let me go.”

“No,” he repeated and simply held onto you tighter.

“Let me-,” your voice broke and you stopped pushing away. “Please, Jamie, please I just want to see him,” you cried into his shirt and he squeezed you so tight you thought you might get bruises in your arm from the way he was holding you.

“I know, I know,” he whispered. “You brought him here and he’s going to be fine.”

“I can’t do this anymore, James. I can't be his mom and his doctor and they can’t expect me to wait out here while they drag him away and ask me to consent to God knows what.”

James didn’t know what to tell you, instead he just continued to hold you close, rubbing his hands up and down your back, and pressed a soft kiss against your temple.

You wrapped your arms around him and finally let yourself fully sink into his embrace, hating yourself for how much you liked it and how good it made you feel while your son was in some back corner of the ER getting a piece of his liver biopsied.

Eventually James pulled away from you, helping you dry your tears on the sleeve of his sweater and walking with his arm wrapped around you to the waiting area. You didn’t know how long you were sitting there, but it was possible that you had dozed off once or twice against James’ arm, waiting to hear some sort of news from the ER doctor.

“Mr. and Mrs. Wilson?”

Your eyes blinked open when James gently shook you awake.

“That’s us,” he said. “Is Julian okay?”

“Your son has a mild case of cirrhosis,” the doctor explained. “Due to his cystic fibrosis diagnosis we believe this is due to clogging and inflammation in his bile ducts.”

“What does that mean for him? Does he need surgery to fix it?” you asked, fighting back a tired yawn.

“Unfortunately, yes,” the doctor nodded. “It’s good you caught it early, there’s minimal damage to his liver so far and he’s still growing which means his liver is too. We can get him into an OR tomorrow if you consent to the surgery.”

You looked over at James and he nodded his head. You trusted him and told the doctor you would sign the papers as soon as you could see Julian.

“He’s been moved to the pediatric ward for now and Dr. Liu has been informed of the development. He should be in touch with you tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” James said and when the doctor left, he helped you up and you began the walk up to the pediatric ward.

When you arrived a nurse pointed you in the direction of his room and after each pressing a kiss to Julain’s forehead you sat on the seat bench together.

“We should sleep,” James said, but you had a hard time imagining how that would be possible.

“I’m having a hard time working out the logistics,” you admitted.

“Come on, it’ll be just like on the way back from our honeymoon,” he insisted, recalling your extremely delayed flight on the way back from France, causing you to sleep with your head on James’ lap, stretched out along the airport chairs.

You were too tired to argue or try and find another way, so you leaned down and rested your head against his legs, closing your eyes and sighing when you felt his hand rub up and down in long motions along the side of your body. Sleep could not have come quicker.

—

“Mom…Mom, Dad?”

Julian rolled his eyes when he received no answer and grabbed the stuffed animal you had placed next to him when he’d come into the room and threw it at his sleeping parents, nailing his dad in the face.

“Oh, God, mhm, wake up,” James shook you while he raised his hands to rub his face.

“Huh?” you opened your eyes and pushed yourself off of James’ lap. “Oh crap, my back. Remind me not to listen to you when you talk about doing something I did ten years ago.”

“Julian, did you throw Steggy at my face?” James asked, picking up the stuffed animal from where it had fallen on you.

“You weren’t getting up,” Julian shrugged his shoulders.

“Julian,” you chastised and took the dinosaur from James’ hand. “You could have hurt your dad’s important doctor-face,” you joked and rubbed your hand all over James’ face making Julian laugh.

“Okay, okay,” James moved your hand away and gave you a look.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” you yawned and moved from the bench to the side of his bed.

“A little better,” he said. “Did the doctors fix what was wrong?”

“Not yet,” James shook his head and came to sit next to you and placed a hand on Julian’s. “You’re gonna have to go in for surgery today.”

“A surgery?” Julian looked a little nervous. “Like cut me open?”

“It’ll be just a line right here,” James drew it with his finger along Julian’s abdomen. “They’re going to fix a part of you called your bile duct and then sew you right back up and you’ll be good as new.”

“Is it dangerous?” he asked.

You looked over at James, a small note telling him to lie to make him feel better. He didn’t need to know all the details.

“No,” James shook his head. “You’re gonna be fine and your mom and I will be here the whole time.”

“Promise?” Julian whispered.

“Swear on it,” James leaned in towards his son and snuck a kiss to his cheek. “We love you, buddy.”

“I love you guys too.”

Dr. Liu came by a little while later to inform you what time the surgery was scheduled for and he helped make Julian feel a lot better about the procedure. When it was finally time for him to go, you were a nervous wreck, but tried not to let it show for Julian’s sake, instead just pressing a big kiss to his forehead and telling him you’d be waiting for him once he got out.

It only took about fifteen minutes of your pacing to get James to grab onto your arm and make you stop.

“You’re gonna burn a hole in the ground,” he said.

“I don’t know what to do with myself,” you admitted. “If I sit I’m gonna fidget, if I stand I’m going to pace.”

“Then come on, let’s go to my office for a second, grab a coffee and a snack and then we can come back out and wait,” he suggested.

You agreed to his idea so he stood up and you walked side by side to his office, passing House who had some comment about your dishevelled appearance together.

“You’re an interesting man, Greg,” you shook your head at him. “You can’t think of any other reason we might be here?”

House was silent so James explained,

“Julian’s in surgery right now. He’s got cirrhosis.”

“Ah so not a late night ex-wife rendez-vous. Can’t get ‘em right all the time,” he shrugged and you chuckled. “I hope the kid’s alright.”

“Thanks, that means a lot coming from you,” you admitted.

He raised his brows and lifted his cane to say goodbye, letting you and James continue your walk to his office.

“House mind that you’re not spending as much time here?” you asked.

“No, he just bothers me more when I am around,” James said while opening the door and letting you inside.

He went towards his desk and pulled out a few packages of snacks tossing you one and you shook your head when you saw the label.

“You still eat these? I thought the FDA recalled them?” you asked sarcastically.

“I’m sorry I have better taste in food than you do,” he said right back.

“Right, this is food,” you chuckled. “And if you have such good taste why didn’t your mom tell you about her secret ingredient?”

“That’s cold,” he pointed to you with a bag of chips in his hand.

“No, it’s true. Just like your dad telling me I was his favourite wife of yours,” you opened the bag James had tossed you.

“Just shut up and eat your snack,” James chuckled and you listened to him, beginning to eat a little something, not realizing how hungry you were until the food made its way to your stomach.

“You got another one of these?” you asked and he nodded, passing it to you when you were finished with the first one.

“Feeling a little better?” James asked and you nodded your head.

“Hey James?” you said, unsure of how you’d gotten to this point, but you were too exhausted to stop yourself from saying it. “I want you to move back in.”

“You want me to do what?” he raised his brows and looked at you stunned.

“I want you to move back in with me and Julian,” you said. “It’s becoming pretty clear to me that it’s safer to have two people around when possible than not and you’re already around all the time now.”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” he asked. “I mean you didn’t want to give Julian the wrong idea about us.”

“Our lives changed the second we got that diagnosis. I think we need to change along with everything else.”

You couldn’t believe that just barely twelve hours ago you were telling your friend there was no chance James had changed, but here you were saying things that had proved you had changed. Things you wouldn’t have dreamt of saying a year ago.

“Okay,” James nodded. “I’ll move back in.”

You just silently hoped you wouldn’t regret asking.

Waiting for Julian to get out of surgery was a little easier now that you had some food in your stomach and you decided to wait on coffee until you got the note from the surgeon that everything had gone well.

As James had continued to assure you almost a hundred times, the surgery went fine and before you knew it you were back in Julian’s room watching him sleep off the anaesthetic.

“You know he looks like you when he sleeps,” James said from the bench while you sat on the bed next to Julian.

“He does?”

“Yeah, his nose does that same scrunchy thing when he sniffles and when he snores-,”

“Hey, I only snore when I’m congested,” you said defensively.

“I never minded,” James smiled. “I thought it was cute when you sounded like an old man.”

“Yeah, but you’re not fond of all my old man characteristics,” you turned around to face him, still holding Julian’s hand in yours.

“All your old man characteristics?” James furrowed his brows in confusion.

“You told me I argued like an old man. Stubborn and could only see my own way. And I fought dirty.”

“You sure did,” James nodded. “If you brandishing my mother’s clear favouritism shows anything, it’s definitely that you fight dirty, but I never said I disliked that about you.”

“Really? Near the end I thought there was a lot you disliked about me.”

James shook his head, “No, I was just upset and you were passionate. It wasn’t like my other marriages where things just…fizzled.”

“We did go out with a bang,” you inhaled deeply.

“If it weren’t for Julian… do you think we’d…”

You shook your head.

“No, we probably never would have seen each other again. Another old man trait, I hold a pretty mean grudge.”

James pressed his lips together and looked over at his sleeping son.

“I’m happy we had him,” he said quietly. “Even if we didn’t work out.”

“Me too,” you agreed, looking over at Julian quietly snoring, just like his dad had said. “Best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

You leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Julian’s nose watching him scrunch it up, making you smile. It was a miracle that two such flawed individuals could make a child so perfect.

—

“Alright, he is asleep, but I do warn you it took some bribery so you’ll have to buy him another dinosaur book to read to him at night,” you walked out of Julian’s room, dusting your hands off like you’d just finished a heavy labour job.

“I’ll run to the bookstore tomorrow,” James nodded and you fell onto the couch next to him and sighing as you sunk into the plush fabric before noticing what he was doing.

“Where did you pull these out of?” you asked with a soft chuckle.

“I was just clearing up the closet in the guest bedroom and I found a box of these,” he picked up the albums. “Look at this one.”

He placed the book of photos on your lap and you smiled seeing as it was Julian’s baby album, filled with small mementos and little notes you and James had made in the margins.

“Oh my God, Mom’s first day home, she looks like an angel,” you read from the side. “And my response: I look like I just got hit by a bus, cut it out.”

“You can still read my chicken scratch writing?” James asked.

“My most useless talent as I like to call it,” you nodded. “You wrote a lot in here.”

“I used to bring it with me to work cause I missed you guys so much,” he admitted. “Made me feel closer to you.”

You read through some of the notes in the book, chuckling a little at some of the written back and forth you had. Eventually you got to the family portraits you’d had taken a few months after Julian was born, smiling softly to yourself.

You remembered the day well, you felt like you hadn’t slept in weeks, James was just getting off of a twelve-hour shift and you were almost late to your appointment with the photographer. You were worried everything was going to look terrible and you’d barely had enough time to do your hair or makeup, but James had silenced your worries with a kiss and assured you the pictures would be fine.

In the end most of them were terrible, but the photographer managed to get two shots, one of you and James smiling down at Julian in your arms and another immediately after where you were looking up and smiling at each other.

“That session was a shitshow,” you recalled and James agreed. “We did get a few nice things out of it though.”

You looked back down at the pile of albums in front of you and noticed a large white one, tucked under a few things and even though nothing good could come of it, you pulled it out from the bottom of the pile, carefully blowing off the dust and turning the first page.

Centerfold, just like you remembered it, was a picture of you and James on your wedding day. You leaned further back into the couch and James scooched in closer to get a look.

You both looked younger in the picture, with that spark of je ne sais quoi in your eyes.

“I told you there was a reason we got married,” he said quietly, his hand brushing the corner of the photo.

“Yeah, we loved each other,” you said. “That was the reason.”

“Same reason we decided to have Julian,” he added.

You could feel your breathing become a little more shallow and a tightness in your chest as James spoke about Julian. You remembered the conversations so clearly, like you’d had them yesterday, caught between happy and passionate kisses while James made some dirty jokes about getting you pregnant.

That was back when he still couldn’t get enough of you. Before things changed and he slowly distanced himself until it felt like it was just you and Julian against the rest of the world, and not the three of you like he had promised all those nights throughout your pregnancy.

You wondered quietly to yourself what had changed? What had become so unbearable that there was distance in the first place? There was never a lack of love on your end which is why this was dangerous.

At least when there was distance you could be angry with him, you could go to bed at night and not remember all the little things that made you love him in the first place. He wasn’t there as a constant reminder that you loved his cooking, or even just your banter together. More importantly, it was giving you new reasons to feel that fluttering feeling in your stomach.

You’d always loved how he’d interact with Julian, but now that you got to see it day in and day out, it made it harder to weigh that against the cons of everything. Most notably, this was the beginning of the end. If you let yourself fall you would both crash and Julian would be caught in the middle once again.

You tried to distract yourself by flipping through the album photos to find some funny old picture of a relative or maybe even an embarrassing moment to tone down whatever it was that looking at that picture was making you feel.

All you could focus on was how in every picture, almost without fail, James was looking over at you. Rarely into the camera along with everyone else. He was enamoured, that was the only word to describe it, and oh how much you missed that look.

You made the mistake of tearing away your gaze from the pictures, looking up at James instead, and for a moment you thought just maybe you saw that same look in his eyes. But no. It couldn’t have been. The dim light of the lamp must have been playing tricks on you.

Finally you closed the album and put it back down, unsure of what feelings might resurface if you opened another one. Your honeymoon, family dinners and pictures were all just reminders of the happy times, not what came after.

James did what you didn’t want to, grabbing another album and sifting through the pages until he found what he was looking for, taking a picture out of its protective sleeve and showing it to you.

“Can I keep this one?” he asked.

You took it from his hands, examining it while your fingers precariously held the edges of the photograph.

It was a silly picture, something you had taken while you were travelling. James got someone to take the camera, but along with snapping a few shots while you were posed with smiles they caught a few candids, most notably, James kissing your cheek while you laughed and tried to squirm out of his grasp.

Your finger gently brushed over the spot on the photo where James’ lips were against your cheek before nodding your head.

“Sure, you can have it,” you handed him back the picture and patted your hands against your legs, preparing to stand up. “I should get to bed.”

“I’ll be out here for a while longer if you need anything.”

You gave him a tight lipped smile and stood up, walking towards your bedroom. When you closed the door behind you, you let out a breath you had been holding and ran a hand across your face.

Maybe Julian was never the one at risk of getting the wrong idea.

—

Waking up in the middle of the night always made you feel uneasy. Especially if Julian was the one waking you up. The chance that you’d have to drive to the hospital or call an ambulance was high and you hated the fear and worry that came along with any possible complications.

Tonight, you woke up on your own accord. Your heart was beating inside your throat and your stomach felt like it was housing a group of persistent butterflies.

You glanced over at the clock and saw the time, flashing in red.

3:07

You took a deep breath trying to steady your heart rate and breathing before peeling away your blanket and kicking your feet over the side of the bed. You grabbed a different pair of pyjamas from your dresser and walked into the washroom, tossing them on the far end of the floor while you stripped down and turned on the water for the shower.

When you stepped inside you hissed initially at the cold, but forced yourself to become fully submerged under the water, closing the curtain behind you. Your muscles clenched as your body adjusted to the temperature, and when the time finally came you let your thoughts and dreams become washed away by the water coming out of the shower head.

You were simply standing there, letting the water fall on your face when you heard the click of the door opening.

“Julian, sweetie,” you sighed, turning around so you could speak. “Maybe you should go to your dad if something’s wrong, I’ll come out in a sec.”

“No need,” you heard a voice that did not belong to your son.

“James? I’m in the shower. What are you doing?” you asked incredulously, feeling the need to cover yourself up even though there was a curtain blocking his view. You felt exposed nonetheless.

“It’s three in the morning, I thought something was wrong, I came to check on you,” he explained.

“And what were you doing up?” you asked.

“Got in late. There was an emergency at the hospital after you guys went to sleep, I dealt with it and just came back.”

You stepped under the running water again, washing the water over your face with your hands.

“So, is everything okay?”

“Peachy,” you said sarcastically, leaning against the wall of the shower.

“Nobody ever says peachy when things are okay,” James pushed further and you sighed, moving to sit down on the floor of the shower, still positioned under the water.

“I just had a dream, that’s all,” you said, watching as the water hit your toes and the ground around you.

“A bad dream?” he asked.

“No, it was more like… déjà vu.”

James sighed, and rubbed his hands on his legs.

“Was it about us?”

He took your silence as a yes.

James didn’t really know what to say, his hands were clasped together as he leaned forward sitting on the bathroom counter.

“You’re not gonna ask what it’s about?” you hugged your knees close to your chest.

“Would you tell me?”

“Maybe…I don’t know,” you mumbled.

There was another moment of silence before James spoke up again,

“What was it about?”

You turned to face the water with your eyes closed again, gathering the courage to speak.

“It started when I told you I was pregnant,” you said softly. “Like the memory replayed in my head, exactly how it happened.”

“I remember that day,” you heard the soft smile in his voice as he spoke. “You took the test at work and when it came back positive you came straight to the hospital to tell me.”

“I was barely two steps inside your office when I blurted it out, you were eating lunch and had that stupid look on your face with a mouth full of sandwich,” you chuckled to yourself.

“I almost choked on that,” James shook his head. “And I just remember running up to you and freaking out.”

“And then when you were done freaking out and everything sunk in you kissed me, and you told me you loved me, and we cried because we made a child. Our love did that.”

You reached forward and turned the shower off, pushing yourself up on your feet and taking a deep breath before pulling back the curtain. You had told him what you were thinking. You couldn’t get any more exposed than that.

James looked stunned for a moment and it didn’t go unnoticed how his eyes raked up and down your figure.

“Get me the robe, would you?” you motioned to the back of the door and he jumped down grabbing the robe and holding it out for you so you could place your arms into the sleeves and wrap the towelled fabric around you, trying it off with the belt.

When you turned your head to look back at James, you could tell at least you’d succeeded in raising his heart rate, much like he was doing for you recently.

You moved to go sit on the closed toilet while James retook his spot on the counter.

“Do you remember when Julian was born?” he whispered.

“I like it was yesterday. I can’t believe it’s been eight years,” you nodded your head.

He was having trouble holding your gaze and you wondered what he was about to say.

“I-I screwed up,” his voice was soft, almost hurt, like it pained him to think about what he had done. “When you were resting afterwards the nurse asked me if we were going to do a newborn screening. We hadn’t talked about it, but you were so tired and it was such a hard labour…” he swallowed thickly, his voice wavering slightly, remembering the birth. It wasn’t easy by any means and James had often thought that the hardest thing he’d ever had to watch was you in that much pain. “I told her we weren’t going to do it. I just didn’t want Julian to leave and h-he looked so perfect I never thought anything could have been wrong with him.”

James took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling, “I am a doctor and I didn’t get a newborn screening for my son, what the hell kind of father does that make me?”

“Oddly enough, I think it makes you a good one,” you admitted.

“Even though we could have known about this years before? We could have gotten him treatment, medication, therapies, all sooner?” he looked back at you confused.

“You said it yourself, Jamie. He was perfect for us. Still is.”

James nodded his head and looked forward at the opposite wall. You stood up and walked over towards him, reaching out a hand to gently hold his face, your thumb brushing against his cheek while he looked at you.

“I don’t blame you for this,” you whispered. “I don’t blame you and I don’t think you’re a bad father.”

“I know,” he murmured, “but I do.”

You leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, not knowing what other comfort you could offer.

James leaned in a little to your touch, sitting up straighter when it was gone, trying to play it off like he hadn’t been missing it and craving it as much as you.

You were about to say something when you heard a knock on the washroom door, and this time it had to be Julian.

“Mom? Dad, are you in here too?” you could hear his small sounding voice, a little strained and worried so you quickly assured him you were both inside and opened the door.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” you asked, noticing his tear-stained face.

“I just had a bad dream,” he sniffed and wiped his eyes.

You kissed away his tears first before assuring him everything would be fine, you and James were there to take care of him.

“Why don’t you go and lay down on my bed with your Dad?” you suggested. “I’ll get dressed and come join you.”

Julian nodded and made his way over to your bed while you went to quickly speak to James.

“It’ll be good for you. Both of you,” you told him.

“You don’t mind?”

“Just this once.”

James thanked you with a kiss to your cheek and left the adjoining washroom, closing the door behind him and giving you a minute to get changed and deal with anything you needed to before going back to bed.

When you opened the door and came back into your room, you saw James under the covers with Julian pressed close to him, their foreheads resting together while James told him everything was going to be alright and he could go back to sleep.

You slipped in under the covers, sandwiching Julian between you both, letting his back rest against your chest while you pressed a kiss to his hair.

One hand was tucked under your pillow and another was draped over Julian, and your fingers carefully placed over top of James’.

“Will you be here when I wake up?” Julian asked his dad.

“Right next to you,” he kissed his nose. “Now try to get some sleep, okay?”

Julian nodded his head and yawned and you whispered a quiet goodnight to bed him and his dad before letting your eyes close, silently smiling when you could feel James’ hand finally hold your own.

—

“You guys, relax, he’s going to be fine,” Mahlet placed a hand on both yours and James’ shoulders while you spewed out your worries. “It’s one night, I have the whole list of things he needs and I’ve taken care of him before, right? It’s just at my house this time so the boys can have a sleepover and you two can have a bit of a break.”

“She’s right,” James sighed. “I’m still worried out of my mind, but she’s right.”

“Mahi, are you sure you don’t want us to come even for a little bit?” you asked.

“Absolutely, if something happens I’ll call an ambulance and then you, but Julian’s been good for months now, he can survive one night away from home,” she assured you.

“Thank you, Mahlet. I’m sure Julian and Hennock will have a great time tonight. Just call us when he’s ready to be picked up tomorrow morning,” James said.

James wrapped his arm around you, giving you a squeeze knowing you were still uneasy about this, but deep down you knew Mahlet was right. The chances of something going wrong at this point were small and you’d had enough time since your last hospital visit to even consider doing something like this.

“You boys ready?” James called and Julian came rushing out of the room with his bag in hand, Hennock following close behind him.

“You have fun tonight, okay?” you bent down and gave Julian a kiss. “And if anything happens or you feel sick, or are having trouble breathing, tell Mahlet, okay?”

“I know, Mom. Dad already told me this like fifteen times,” Julian chuckled.

You looked up at James and he shrugged.

“Alright, well you guys better go before I change my mind,” you crossed your arms over your chest and that was all the permission the boys needed to run off, leaving Mahlet to say goodbye before stepping out and closing the door behind her.

You sighed and turned around, looking at James who had his hands shoved into his pockets.

“You hungry?” he asked.

“I could eat,” you nodded your head.

“Why don’t we make something for dinner together?” he suggested.

You looked at the clock and smiled, “I think we’ve got enough time for pizza, what do you think?”

“I think that’s a great plan,” James agreed. “I can start on the dough and you get the sauce and toppings?”

You gave him a thumbs up before putting your hand out to high-five him, noticing how your fingers so easily intertwined before you walked apart and let go.

James rolled up his sleeves and took off his watch, placing it on the small jewelry tray you kept by the sink for when you were washing dishes, while you went to the fridge and began pulling out all the things that could make good pizza toppings.

Moving to the sink to wash some vegetables, you noticed James’ watch resting there. You didn’t pay much attention when he was wearing it, but now you realized why it looked extra familiar. It was one you had gotten him as an anniversary present after your first year married.

“You still wear that?” you pointed with your eyes to the watch.

“It’s my favourite watch, of course I wear it,” he nodded while portioning the flour into a large bowl.

“Even with that engraving?” you raised a questioning brow.

“Dearest Jamie, Here’s to the first of many happy anniversaries. Love forever, Your Wife,” he recited the engraving back to you.

“I don’t know why you do that to yourself,” you chuckled a little, looking down into the sink.

“Yeah, well why do you still go by Mrs. Wilson?”

“Easier to keep the name than change it again,” you partially lied, it wasn’t the full truth, but it was what you had been telling yourself ever since the divorce was finalized.

James could sense you were lying, but he knew the only way to get you to open up would be to let himself be open with you.

“The watch is my favourite because you gave it to me. Functionally it sucks and it's uncomfortable, but you went out of your way to get me something that looked nice and that’s why I love it.”

You smiled a little to yourself, but kept your head facing the sink and continued to wash the vegetables.

“You’re not going to say anything?” he inquired.

“Do I have to?” you asked.

“That’s normally how a conversation works,” he remarked and you chuckled.

“What do you want me to say?” you asked.

“Honestly, the real reason why you kept your married name,” he said plainly.

You sighed, “It wasn’t a full lie. If I went back to my maiden name Julian and I wouldn’t have the same last name it just makes things complicated and confusing and I didn’t want to deal with it, but,” you added, “I always kind of liked the sound of Mrs. Wilson and even though I was pissed at you all the time I still liked that there was one thing aside from Julian connecting us. I don’t know, maybe I didn’t want to end up like Sam or Bonnie just…detached, like there was barely a trace that you were even there.”

“It’s a fingerprint,” James said. “Mine.”

“Yeah, even though it's small for who we were to each other, it's the fingerprint you left on my life.”

James pressed his lips together and opened his mouth to say something before shutting it and evaluated how he was going to speak,

“Can I ask you something?” he settled on.

“Sure,” you nodded, moving over to the cutting board and placing yourself on the opposite side of the kitchen island.

“Did…Did you ever stop loving me?”

Your smile faltered and James noticed the change in your demeanor, quickly retracting his question.

“You know what, forget I asked,” he shook his head and continued to knead the dough.

There was a moment of silence before you spoke again.

“I didn’t, but I got tired of not being loved back.”

James stopped what he was doing and looked up at you with concern.

“You thought I stopped loving you?” he asked.

“James, I was wife number three. Didn’t take much to connect the dots and see you got tired of me,” you said bluntly. “I wanted to know if I could count on you, and it was starting to feel like maybe I couldn’t. Then the divorce happened and everything after that just made me feel like I was right.”

James chewed on the inside of his cheek and remained silent.

“You didn’t fight for me,” you said quietly. “You fought for joint custody, but you didn’t fight for me. You just…accepted it.”

“I…I didn’t know you wanted me to fight for you.”

“Are you saying you would have?” you asked, unsure of whether or not you wanted to hear his answer.

“I’m saying I thought I didn’t even have a chance,” he admitted.

“So you wouldn’t have,” you clarified for him, beginning to chop the toppings into pieces and separate them into bowls.

He chuckled humourlessly, “I have dated one person since the divorce. I hated it.”

“Why do you have to talk in puzzles, James? Why can’t you just come out and say what you really mean?”

“And then what?” he asked. “We go back to living in the same house. Sleep in separate rooms. Move on now that we know the truth?”

“Say it,” you put the knife down and looked him right in the eyes.

“What are you going to do about it?” he asked, cleaning the dough off his hand. “I’m going to say it and you’re just going to stand there and I have to live with that?”

You walked around the counter and came right up in front of him.

“If you were listening to anything I was saying, you would stop making excuses and say it.”

“Fine!” he threw his hands up in the air. “I still love you. I never stopped loving you. These past few months, even though stressful, have been the happiest I’ve been in so long because I feel like myself again when I’m with you and Julian. Because I feel like your husband, and I feel like a father and I keep kicking myself wondering how I could have been so stupid to lose that.”

“Say it one more time,” you whispered, lifting your hands to hold onto his face. “Please.”

“I love you,” his voice was softer, relieved like after being underwater he could finally breathe again.

You finally pulled him into you, your lips hesitantly resting on his at first, before you found your rhythm again after so long. It was muscle memory, his hands finding the spot they always rested against on your hips, his lips moving in synch with yours, eventually trailing off and finding their favourite spot against your jaw and behind your ear.

“James,” you breathed.

“Jamie,” he mumbled against your skin. “Call me Jamie.”

“Jamie, Jamie, Jamie,” you repeated the nickname until he silenced you with another kiss, muffling your voice.

“God, I missed you,” he whispered when you pulled apart, breathing heavily due to your fast beating heart.

You closed your eyes while your forehead rested against his, feeling his nose touch yours, his hands still firmly planted on your hips when your thumbs brushed against his cheeks.

“Jamie?”

James snuck another small kiss at the sound of the nickname.

“Yes, my love.”

“Can I count on you?”

You could feel him nod his head and confirm with a verbal ‘yes’. And even if it turned out to be a lie, at that moment you didn’t care. He had proved to you that it was possible, you could work with that.

“I love you,” you said and kissed his nose and then you said it and kissed him again for good measure. “You told me twice; I tell you twice.”

James moved his hands up from your hips and brushed the back of his fingers against your cheek, a warm smile coming to his face.

And there was that look, the one you thought had vanished over time. His eyes fully transfixed on you with nothing but love and admiration. It didn’t take much to convince yourself you could get used to seeing that look for a long, long time.

TAGLIST —

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