It is 3:35 am and I work at 9 🙂 Insomnia is going to kill me indirectly or directly. I can’t live like this.

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@thegoldenheiress​ sent: Food  (blood, snacks, meals)

wow, that's a truly interesting question i have never thought about.

since katherine was born into a wealthy and noble family, she never knew hunger as a human. they had employees who prepared the food, although her mother did cook herself pretty often. however, katherine never really learned how to cook herself. i should note that saying that her family was wealthy and noble, doesn't mean that they had any kind of fancy food. it was normal food and katherine ate what was put in front of her.

fortunately, katherine never had to starve when she was banished to england although it was a big adjustment because english food was very different from what she knew and was used to. i also imagine that she didn’t eat much  from grief and homesickness (but she still ate enough that it was healthy).

after she turned into a vampire, katherine had no problem with drinking blood. the death of rose' maid in the woods was something that happened in fear and adrenaline rush but in the first few years she wasn't a ruthless killer. she also had herself exceptionally well under control. if there's a person that can be described to be 'born to become a vampire', then it's katherine. her perfect control had also a lot to do with her fear of being found by klaus so she made sure to not leave any trails.

when it comes to blood, she prefers it to be fresh and warm. she would never even dare to think about animal blood and she doesn't particularly enjoy drinking blood out of bags because it's cold. it feels like a meal that's already a day old and should be warm. almost like eating a cold stake. katherine doesn't have a favorite spot from where she drinks the blood, it depends on the situation. she also usually doesn't drain people if she's not starved or in an upset/angry emotional state.

one thing that's interesting is that katherine does enjoy drinking blood in clubs. the adrenalin and alcohol content has a good effect on her. it's like a special dessert.

turning into a vampire didn't change katherine's penchant for human's food though. she enjoys a good dinner or lunch. she also loves sweet fruits such as strawberries or cherries.

after she was cured, katherine became pretty hungry (and unfortunately, she had issues with getting/finding food in the first three months after he was cured). i think she (or rather her body) had a very high energy requirement, which made her very hungry (and she got grumpy when she was hungry). however, she was still selective when it came to food after getting food was no longer an issue. she called chips 'toxic poison' and initially didn't want to eat them but later decided to empty the entire bag because she was so hungry. cured!katherine can easily be calmed with or occupied with good food. she's not proud of it, but unfortunately, she can't help herself. give her good food and she's quickly (at least a little bit) happier.

since katherine never learned how to cook, she still isn’t capable of preparing a meal on her own. even if she tried, chances would be higher that the kitchen is burning than making eatable food.

Cloudy Days and Summer Smiles - A BNHArem collab

Pairing: Aizawa x reader

Warnings: none (sfw), hurt and comfort, brief talking about abduction

Word Count: 4.6k

AN: I haven’t been able to do a collab in a while, but I was super excited to grab Aizawa for this one. If you want to see the other amazing works for the collab, click HERE. also a special thanks to @ikinabi​ for helping my dumbass with a banner, i love it so much red thank you <3. i hope you all enjoy this one

          Date nights weren’t really a part of Shouta’s and your relationship. With him constantly working his ass off, and you also having to work, there wasn’t a lot of time that the two of you could spend going out together. Not that you minded of course, snuggling up to your boyfriend and simply talking with him whenever the two of you had free time was probably your favourite thing in the world.

       You’d noticed though, that despite there being a summer break in school, that the pressure on Shouta to perform more in hero work had kept his stress levels and exertion really high. It hurt you to see your boyfriend constantly exhausted, yet he wouldn’t drop any of the extra hero shifts he’d been given recently.

       You knew why of course. You knew that he always wrapped up his self worth in his hero work and in passing on knowledge to students. Of course, that also made it more painful to see him work himself so hard, you know just how amazing he is, and yet he works himself to the bone trying to be better. So, you do your best to try to make things easier for him, going over to his apartment to tidy up sometimes, or making dinner there and leaving it on the stove for him to eat when he got home.

       You swear that one day you’re going to find where he hid his stupid stash of fruit pouches, that he swears are nutritional enough to be a meal. No matter how much you wheedle him, or show him facts, or just be plainly worried for him, he has an irrational attachment to them. He needed good food, and he needed a lot of it, because he worked a hell of a lot. Now if only you could get that through his head.

       So, it’s become another habit of yours to always bring over some healthy snacks, high in protein and salts to help him recover from tough work days and power through the next ones. You keep notice of things he likes or doesn’t like, and be sure to try and put some stashes of them in his cupboard so that he can see them before he goes to work. It’s made it a little better.

       He’s started doing a similar set of things for you, bringing you coffees if he was in the area where you worked. Another favourite were the fruit smoothies he’d make when you were feeling a bit down. Although he wants to be there for you more, you understand that he’s always stretched thin across two jobs, and you always make sure that he knows how much you love him despite that.

       You know that Shouta feels particularly upset when he has to cancel some of the few date nights the two of you have planned due to work. Of course, you don’t blame him, it’s a part of the man you fell in love with. You know you feel disappointed when it happens, but you always try to reassure him that it’s not because of him, its just the fact that you don’t get to see him. You hope it relieves some of the guilt he feels, because really, you’re proud of all his hard work, and love how steadfast he is all the time.

       Though you wish he really would take better care of himself.

       It was going to be a good weekend though, you were excited to spend it all with Shouta, who’d taken a weekend off for once. As soon as he’d gotten it confirmed, you’d started planning some little things the two of you could do together after not having seen each other for a few weeks. It had been tough, yes, but you’d made sure to call him every day or every other day two, and you’d made sure that you’d also dropped off some treats, putting them on his table so he’d actually notice them.

       He’d always send you the cutest cat videos to you, making sure to send a cute little message, his own way of telling you thanks. It makes you feel warm inside, the little gestures bringing you happiness that would brighten your day a bit.

       Anyways, to what you’d been planning. You knew that even on date nights that actually happened, Shouta always preferred lowkey events, something where the two of you could spend quality time with one another and just talk. You’d decided that you’d do your best to make a sweet little lunch for the two of you, and maybe even a dessert too. You’d looked up the weather and it was supposed to be sunny and partially cloudy, the perfect day for a picnic in the public gardens.

       You put on some nice clothes you always had for the hot summer air, and start packing up a basket you’d bought a while ago and never actually had the chance to use. You were practically giddy with excitement. The last six times you’d tried to see him, he’d had to cancel, and no matter how much you tried to push down the feeling of being unimportant, it stuck around.

       It wasn’t about you after all, it was about Shouta and the people he was helping. You can’t be so selfish about his time; you knew what his schedule was like before the two of you even started dating.

       Yet you couldn’t quiet that little voice in your head that said you were never going to be the most important thing in his life. That he’d give you up for the chance to do more to help as many people as he could.

       It burned shamefully within you, how could you distrust him, the one who showed his love for you in al his little gestures and acts of affection? But also, the times he’d snap, brush you off, act like it were a chore to actually be together… those things would keep you tossing and turning for long nights. You know that Shouta would reassure you and help you get over these feelings if you talked to him; you just couldn’t erase the fear that telling him would push him away.

       Which is why you were so excited to see him again, you know that seeing him and talking with him will wipe away those fears, like waves crashing onto a sandy beach. You know you can get over this yourself, there’s no need to drag your boyfriend into stupid insecurities. Especially over ones founded just off of coincidences.

       He has enough to worry about on his own, after all.

       You pack up the salmon sushi and the other little bites of food with the meal, put the pastries in a little tin and add it into your basket. Grabbing a soft blanket, you fold it, place it on top of the blanket and grab the sunhat Shouta had gotten you after you’d pointed it out on a walk you’d been on. Smiling at yourself in the mirror, you grab the basket and head out to go meet him.

        The gardens aren’t too far away from your house, and you enjoy a lazy walk, the sun warming you up. Near the gardens is a family park, and you hear children giggling and screaming in joy as they play with their parents. It softens your heart, and you feel you shoulders relax, not noticing them being tensed in the first place. Part of you imagines being one of those families with Shouta one day…

       You find a small hill within the gardens, the grass rather long and waving in the breeze, hundreds of flowers with multiple types surrounding you. Setting out the blanket, and the food, you take a picture of the area. You send it to your boyfriend, and you know that he’ll recognize the place you are from your many walks together. So, you lie out, relaxing your arms behind your head and gazing up at the sky, where clouds are slowly covering the baby blue with grey.

       Time passes, and you’re getting a little bit antsy. You’ve checked your phone, and you have no messages from Shouta, and it’s already been half an hour since the two of you were supposed to meet up. It wasn’t like him to not mention if he couldn’t make it. He always gave you a heads up in case something else had popped up. You sent him a quick text asking if he was alright, and if his plans were still the same.

       You got no response, and as you neared an hour of waiting you gave into the hunger in your stomach and ate the lunch you’d packed. You still saved the dessert though, the thought of eating any sweets poisoned by the sickening feeling that was settling within your stomach.

       You were worried, and called Shouta just to check in on him, but were greeted with a dial tone message. “Hey, Sho.” You start off a little quiet and you clear your throat. “I just wanted to check in on you, I haven’t heard from you all day, love. Just… let me know if you’re alright please. Love you.” You quickly hang up so he doesn’t hear your heavy sigh.

       What if he just didn’t want to deal with you anymore? You know it’s illogical and yet… its too coincidental a timing for your brain to let it go. Plus, he’d never skipped out on a meet up between the two of you without saying anything, and it was throwing your world off balance. You feel a wetness on your face, and you look up to see that clouds had completely covered the sky, and rain had started falling down from them.

       You laughed a little at the sight. Truly, this date was not supposed to happen, even the weather was showing you that. You leave one of the little plates of sushi out on the rock, not being able to bear taking it home on your own. You gather the now soaked blanket and the basket still full of treats you’d spent hours making.

       The cold rain patters down your back and you shiver as you begin your movements back in the direction of your home.

        You figure you’ll hear from Shouta soon. He might have completely neglected you on that day, but it was the first time anything like this had ever happened between the two of you. Maybe he’d just had a bad day, made a mistake. Maybe he’d forgotten to charge his phone, which had happened before. A few times you had answered your phone expecting to hear the loud voice of Hizashi, but receiving the soothing voice of your boyfriend.

       So you’re not very worried when the rest of the afternoon goes by and Shouta hasn’t made any contact with you. You text Hizashi to see if maybe Shouta had been with him, but no luck on that front. Hizashi had the week off from hero work, and hadn’t heard from Shouta today either.

       As more time went along, the more worried you got. All your insecurities started to bubble up, and all the mistakes you’d made in your relationship – even the small ones like forgetting he was lactose intolerant – started building up in your head. You’d probably driven him away with your constant affection, or maybe it had been the overbearing way you tried to help him. Maybe you weren’t pretty enough or good enough in bed for him, or maybe he just grew tired of you.

       By the time you usually went to bed, you were an anxious mess. There were so many possibilities, and your anxiety was telling you that none of them were good. Surely somewhere you’d fucked up.

       Knowing you have work tomorrow, you pop one of your sleeping aids and try desperately to get some semblance of rest. You know it’s going to be a rough night, but hopefully you can get enough rest that tomorrow will be bearable to you.

        Three days later, and Shouta still hadn’t reached out to you. You felt heartbroken that he hadn’t yet, and felt unfairly abandoned. Neither of his friends had heard from him either, and you doubt that they were covering up from him either, because you’d heard the worried undertones of their voice. It terrified you to think that the closest people in his life had no idea where he was or what he was doing.

       Unbidden images of your boyfriend bloody and broken in torn down places were constantly popping up into your brain. At this point, you just wanted to know if he was alive, because you’d gone to his apartment and there had been no sign of anyone having been there for a few days at least.

       You tried to keep your mind away from that dark place, and yet it would keep circling back, as if to say that the worst-case scenario was happening right at that very moment.

       It was driving you mad with worry, and you called the agency that Shouta was working for at the moment just in case they could tell you. Most of the time, you wouldn’t be allowed to know anything confidential. Even though you were the emergency contact for Shouta, you were still a civilian, and that meant that you were often left in the dark about certain conditions and events that your lover was a part of.

       “Hello, this is Sleep-stroke Agency, how may I direct your call.” The woman’s voice on the other side of the line was smooth and had a soft tone. It soothed your nerves enough to allow you to pull yourself together to find the words you needed.

       “Hi, um- this is Ms. Y/L/N. I’m the emergency contact for Aizawa Shouta, Eraserhead. He works for this agency at the moment.” You take another slow breath and let it out. “I’m calling because its been a few days since me, or his close hero friends had heard from him, and I was wondering if something had happened to him…” you taper off and you wait for the reply.

       You hear some quick typing in the background, a little mumbling that you can’t make out until she stops and clears her voice with a rather pointed cough. “Ah, I’m really sorry, but I cannot tell you, dear. That’s classified information.”

       “Can you at least tell me if he’s alive?” you plead with her, desperate. You should’ve known right away that something really major must’ve happened, how could you have ever doubted your Shouta?

       “The rules are clear, Ms. There was an unexpected circumstance that arose and needed Eraserhead’s presence. I cannot tell you any more detail than that.” Her voice drops the professional tone for a few seconds. “I know how hard this can be, hun. Please try to hold yourself together until you get some concrete news.”

       “Yes, of course. Thank you for your time.” You hang up and feel the energy drain from your body as you slump onto the couch.

       Guilt and worry and fear were all mixing into this toxic combination as you sat with all your thoughts, and you soaked in them, unable to gather the strength to pull yourself out. If something had happened to him, something serious, when you were worried about how good the desserts would taste, or if he were going to break up with you… Well, you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself for a long time.

       In a daze you blindly call one of your friends, blearily noticing it’s the middle of the afternoon and she should be able to take your call. You needed some words of comfort right now, no matter who they’re from. You barely hear the hello she greets you with before you start sobbing into the phone uncontrollably.

        It’s been two weeks now, although you can’t tell from feeling it. It seems like no time has passed since you’d made that phone call to Shouta’s agency, your life had become a daze. Somehow you managed to go to work and make three meals a day for yourself, but you couldn’t really recall what you’d been doing. If someone were to ask you what you’d been doing, all you’d be able to reply with is nothing, because all you could do at home was blearily look at the walls, ceiling, window… Without any clear news, you were shrouded in this cloud of uncertainty, completely helpless on deciding what you should actually do in response to this nightmare.

       It was approaching your third anniversary, and you weren’t even sure if he was alive to celebrate it. That thought sobered you up, and you shakily made yourself some tea, to warm your hands which felt frozen at in your terror. You need something to ground you, something that will make everything feel real again, so you begin your breathing techniques. You listen to asmr, something that would often calm you.

       Eventually, with you working at it, you manage to calm yourself, despite the odds stacked against you. Needing a distraction, you turn on the TV as you curl up in a blanket near the fireplace on the side of your living room. Sleep had become your enemy during the few weeks, although you wanted nothing but the sweet embrace of numbness it would give you.

        You couldn’t sleep yet again, so you’d migrated to the couch to read a little bit and look over some of the news. Apparently, rompers were making a comeback, though you weren’t too surprised about that.

       It was all in the name of distraction anyways. The TV had gotten stale, and you felt yourself dripping into that scattered and anxious headspace, so you had to change it up, keep everything else at bay until you had an idea of what to do.

It’s one in the morning when you hear the weak knock at the door, and instantly, you’re on high alert, your nerves tingling. You quickly make your way up to it and use the peephole to catch a glimpse of whoever would be knocking on your door this late. You nearly burst into tears right then and there upon seeing your boyfriend’s face, bruised and scratched, but whole.

       You fumble with the locks in your haste to open it up, the desire to hold him, to make sure he was really there making your movements feel alien. “Shouta!” you cry as you finally fling it open, and you can see his eyes soften as he looks down at you.

       “Hi there, kitten. Can I come in?” his voice is hoarse and a little bit shaky, but his words are clear as a summer sky. You immediately throw your arms around him, squeezing him tight against you, and his head comes down onto your shoulder as he wraps his own around you as well.

       “Of course,” you say thickly, through new tears that threaten to spill from your eyes. “There’s always room in here for you, Sho.” You lead him into your living area, making him lie down on the couch while you sit on the floor by his head. You run your fingers through his hair, gently combing out the larger knots as you lay your head down onto his chest. His heart is thumping in a steady rhythm, and you start to relax as you realize that, no, this isn’t a dream. This is real, your boyfriend is alive and ok, though a little bit worse for wear.

       The two of you sit in silence for a little bit, his eyes closing and his breathing relaxing as he leans into the hand tangled in his hair. It brings a soft smile to your face, and you file away the memory to be able to look back on.

       “Shouta, I’m going to get you some tea if you’d like it.” You say softly, almost afraid to disturb the little bit of peace the two of you have made on your couch at 1 in the morning. His eyes open lazily and he nods his assent, and you go to get his favourite blend you have sitting in the top shelf with your other types.

       Once the kettles done its work, you bring two cups over to coffee table. Shouta has already sat up and accepts the tea with a small smile as you move to sit beside him. The two of you drink in silence for a little while, not afraid to disturb anything, but simply to preserve the moment before talks need to happen.

       As the two of you finish, he clears his throat. “I’m sorry for missing our picnic, love.” He says, rather gruffly, as if to hide the thick emotion knotting his words. “I- well I wasn’t expecting to have to go to another city.”

       “Why did you, they said it was some classified mission, even Hizashi and Nemuri had no idea. They were scared, and honestly… that was terrifying.” You tell him the truth, because that’s how the two of you are, valuing clarity in your relationship.

       He fiddles a little with the scarf that’s always present around his shoulders. “The whole thing was a setup. I got on the train early that morning and was knocked unconscious.” He starts in a monotone voice, factually, as if he were still processing it himself. “I didn’t even know how much time had passed until I’d woken up in the hospital two days ago. I was unconscious for most of my stay there, and they didn’t give me access to anything or anyone until they were sure I was clear.”

       “Oh my god…” Your eyes had widened as you looked at him with horror, it sounded so much worse than he was saying. You pulled him close to you. He was trembling just barely beneath your grasp, a sign of just how intense the past couple of weeks had been for him. You try your best to be a rock for him, comforting him and listening to him talk about what he could. He didn’t go into graphic detail, but just the bare bones had you fighting back anger and sadness. He shouldn’t have had to go through that.

       You help him get ready for sleep, bringing him some extra clothes and taking out the spare toothbrush you had for him. He thanks you with a swift kiss to your forehead, and you giggle before going back to the other room to clean up the dishes. You made the decision there, that you wouldn’t bring up your insecurities to him until he was back into the groove of daily life, and had time to recover.

       After cleaning yourself up, you drag Shouta to bed, and the two of you fall asleep wrapped in each others arms.

        About a month had passed since that night where Shouta had come to your doorstep early in the morning and wrecked. Since then things had begun their return to normalcy, something which both relieved you and at the same time made you a little nervous. You weren’t sure how to ever broach the topic you wanted to with him.

       Which was illogical, as he would say. You know he takes you seriously, and that he’d want to put your fears at rest. But, part of you feels so guilty for even thinking of doubting him, and you don’t want to hurt him like that. You trust him more than anyone, you just had a lack of faith in yourself that was hard to ignore sometimes.

       The opportunity came when he suggested the two of you tried to do the picnic once again, much to your delight. He’d asked softly if you would make the same meal again, he said it had looked delicious and he wanted to try it. You could only smile and agree, knowing how much he hated cooking himself, but loved yours heartily.

       You’d done much the same thing as last time, though now, with a little trepidation just due to the fact that last time you’d tried this, Shouta had gotten kidnapped. But there was nothing else to do other than to shake yourself out of it and move forwards. So that’s what you did.

       You made your way to the same area, heart pattering as you found the spot empty. He wasn’t there yet, that much was clear, but that was normal, he wasn’t a tardy man, but he also didn’t see the use of going to things earlier than he had planned.

       Ten, fifteen, thirty minutes go buy, and with each passing minute, you feel your heart grow heavier. Why did such shitty things happen to you on what were supposed to be events filled with happiness? There are still no clouds in the sky though, and you look up and stare into the never ending blue. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, and you’d just have to live with that.

       You don’t remember closing your eyes, but you do remember the soft laugh of your boyfriend waking you up. You open your eyes blearily to the beautiful sight of your boyfriend smiling happily and it brings a sleepy smile to your face.

       “Shouta! You came.” You exclaim happily. He looks a bit confused at that.

       “Of course I did, Y/N, why wouldn’t I?” Curse your still half-asleep brain. You didn’t want to bring it up like this.

       “It’s nothing,” you try to brush it off, knowing it likely won’t work.

       “Obviously not. Tell me what’s wrong.”

       “It’s really stupid looking back on it…”

       “I don’t care about that kitten, just be honest with me.”

       “It’s not a slight on you at all though, okay? Keep that in mind please, Shouta.”

       He looks confused for a second. “Of course.”

       You take a deep breath. “It’s just that, it was really hard to see you for a few weeks before you had your unplanned trip.” He nods his agreement. “I knew it wasn’t the case, but I got worried that maybe I wasn’t interesting enough, or I was holding you back from things. Then you didn’t show for our date and I panicked a bit, thought you might’ve found a way to just move on from me. I know you’re the most amazing thing that’s happened to me in my life, and I’m just terrified of losing that.” You can’t look in his eyes the shame pulling your gaze down.

       “Hey,” he says softly, pulling your head up gently, until you’re forced to look into his eyes. “I’m not going to fault you for having insecurities. Everyone has them.”

       “I know, Sho, but you’ve been nothing short of amazing to me, and here I am doubting you.”

       “Well, I don’t blame you. Sometimes it’s easy to get lost in thoughts and start to spiral into overthinking. But here’s the truth. I am in love with you. You make my days better, and give me something to look forwards to on long days and nights.” You smile up at him, eyes a little misty.

       “Good thing I feel the same way then, huh?” you giggle, trying to pull a laugh out of him. You get a small smirk instead, which satisfies you.

       He leans into you and presses a soft kiss on your lips, light and fully of love. When you chase after him, he pulls away a bit laughing, so you tackle him to the ground and start to pepper his face with kisses.

       The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and its there you realize just how much you love him as he stares up at you like you’re the sun in the sky.

pairing: Sugawara Koshi x Reader

warnings: none

word count: 1.6k

a/n: was feeling a bit under the weather lately, so here’s a sick fic, with no other than the pretty boy himself. Also, here is Sugawara singing under the sea to bless your ears. hehehe

(f/b)-favorite bread

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When you woke up that morning, you did not expect to be greeted by a pounding headache, partnered with an itchy throat, a sore body and your ears ringing. Aside from that, your eyes hurt as well to the point that just by opening them for a few seconds causes it to sting resulting in tears building up, so you had no choice but to close them again. 

Even the tiniest sounds, dorks barking, doors closing, causes your headache to worsen, basically everything hurts and you can’t even do anything about it.

“(Y/n)! wake up or you’ll be late!” your mother called from downstairs, preparing your breakfast. You groaned, wrapping your blanket tighter around yourself as the wind from the air conditioner blew past you, your body hurts so much, you can’t even stand up to turn it off.

Minutes past and your mother haven’t called you again, that was until you heard your door opening. Soft footsteps padding over the carpeted floor as your mom walks towards your miserable form “(Y/n)?”

“Y-yes?” you croaked out, your voice scratchy, you felt the side of your bed dip a little. Your mother’s cold hand presses your forehead to check your temperature. She frowned, your body temperature too high for her liking.

“You might be having a fever sweetheart” she stood up, walking into your bathroom and opening the medicine cabinet. Taking out a thermometer, she went back out, urging you to open your mouth and place it inside. While waiting, she grabs the remote and turns off your AC, adjusting your curtains to fully cover your window. 

Hearing the device beep, she took it out and checked. “40.1 degrees celsius” Her existing frown deepened “I’m taking you to the hospital” 

You shook your head, slowly opening your eyes to meet your mother’s concerned ones “No…hospitals please” 

She knelt down, brushing the hair out of your eyes, your body visibly relaxing at your mother’s soft touches. “(Y/n), your temperature’s at 40. That’s considered high already” 

“N-no” you sink lower into your bed, covering your head with your blanket once again. You never liked hospitals, the smell of antiseptics, the trays of medicines, the needles from the injections, and the patients you see roaming the hallways, it never sits right with you. Whenever you step foot inside a hospital, it just smells like death you found it disturbing, so unless you’re dying, you will not agree to your mother’s decision to take you there. 

You heard her sigh, before she gently patted your form from over your blanket “Alright, no hospital. But you’re drinking all the medicines I’m giving you. Is that a deal?”

You nodded your head, you’re fine with anything as long as hospitals aren’t involved. 

“I’ll call your school to inform them of your absence and cook you something light to eat” 

With that, she left your room and you fell back asleep.

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“(Y/n)’s not answering her phone” Sugawara had been trying to contact you since break started. He didn’t see you during your shared class in the morning, and when he asked your friends, none of them know where you were or what happened to you. He assumed you were running late, so he decided to call you again during lunch, unfortunately you weren’t answering his calls.

“Maybe she didn’t go to school today” Daichi offered, walking beside him with Asahi following right after. Making their way towards the cafeteria, maneuvering through the rest of the students wandering the hallways as they go about their lunch break.

“Sugawara-kun!” he paused in his tracks, watching as your friend walked towards the door of the classroom she’s currently in “(Y/n)’s absent today because of a fever. Her mom called to inform our homeroom teacher this morning”

If Sugawara wasn’t worried then, he sure is now. Sick? But you were just fine yesterday, he saw no symptoms of possible illness. You look perfectly healthy. “I’ll visit her later after school, thank you for telling me”

“I’ll give to you later the notes and school works the teacher’s gave”

Then she went back inside to rejoin her lunch companions as Sugawara jogs to catch up to Asahi and Daichi, who didn’t even notice he wasn’t with them anymore, too engrossed in their conversation.

The day went by fast, faster than any other days, mainly because after Sugawara was told of your absence, all he could think of was your well being. You rarely get sick, probably like once or twice a year, and when you do, it was severe, it’s not just some light fever that would go away the next day. No, yours would last for days before it would completely disappear, and if you’re lucky, sometimes it will only last for a day.

Questions were already running through his head, how are you doing? Are you taking your medicines? Are you eating? Who’s taking care of you? His mind was filled with nothing but endless questions, those thoughts stayed throughout the day that during practice he was distracted, nearly receiving a ball to the face after Tanaka tried to do a jump serve.

Once practice was over, he informed the others he would be going ahead. Promising them to explain later and hurriedly exited the school campus, the notes your friend promised to give to him already in his bag.

«──────────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────────────»

“Ah Sugawara-kun, are you here you visit (Y/n)?” your mother opened the door wider, stepping aside as Sugawara removed his shoes.

“Yes (L/n)-san, how is she?” he trailed behind her, his hand filled with snacks he bought from the convenience store and the paper bag filled with your favorite bread that he bought from the bakery you two frequent near Karasuno, it was still hot, just recently been out of the oven.

“She’s doing a lot better than she did this morning” your mother answered, opening your door as they stood beside your bed. Your position is still the same from this morning, your muscles ache so bad that just by turning around hurts like hell. “I was just about to go buy her so more medicine, thankfully you arrived just in time Sugawara-kun”

“I’ll watch over her (L/n)-san”

“Thank you so much, stay over for dinner alright?”

Your mother exited the room to go run her errands while Sugawara took a seat on one of your chairs. Placing the snack on your nightstand and his bag on the floor just beside it, he took the basin that was placed on the floor beside your bed and changed the water, dipping in the towel and placing it on your forehead to help lower your temperature. He saw your body stirred in your sleep, your face scrunching up in discomfort.

“Mom?”

Sugawara chuckled, adjusting the towel on your forehead to avoid it from slipping “Your mom went out to buy you more medicine (Y/n)-chan”

The familiar sound of your boyfriend’s voice answered, it was soothing, gentle to the ears unlike the ones you have heard from right outside your window. “Koshi?”

“Mhmm” He dip the towel into the basin again before putting it back on your forehead “How are you feeling?”

“Terrible” you let out a sneeze, slowly sitting up on your bed then taking the tissue Sugawara offered you as you blow your nose “It hurts everywhere”

“It will go away soon once you drink your painkillers” He took the bag from the nightstand and placed it on his lap, opening the paper bag as the delightful smell of freshly baked bread wafted through your nose.

“Is that (f/b)?” he nodded his head, giving you a piece just in time to hear your stomach grumble from hunger. Sugawara opened the other bag and pulled out an orange juice, giving to you the bottle as he too takes a bite from his own snack. 

You never realized just how hungry you were until your stomach was begging for more food, you’ve been throwing up most of the food you ate earlier and when you do eat, two spoonfuls are already enough before you feel nauseated again.

“Go back to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up” Sugawara tucks you in, giving you a kiss on the forehead, humming a tune from under his breath as your eyes slowly closes, the side effect of the painkiller you drank finally kicking in.

«──────────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ────────────»

The next time you woke up it was already 9pm, and you felt much better than you did that morning. Your headache was gone, the body pain subsided and you throat doesn't hurt anymore, your cold was still there but at least your nose wasn’t runny anymore. Overall, you were slowly healing and it’s all thanks to your mom and your ever loving boyfriend.

“Feeling better?” you turn your head, Sugawara still seated beside you, already changed into the spare clothes he left in your closet for him to use whenever you two had a sleepover, notebook in hand as he reviews his notes. He leaned forward, feeling your forehead.

“Much better, thank you” you took hold on his hand, kissing his knuckles. Grinning at the blush forming on his cheeks, the words he had in his mind coming out of his mouth in nothing but stutters. You chuckled, lifted up your arm scooting over to create some space “Come lay here with me”

He closed his notebook and went under the covers with you, tucking your head under his chin as he pulls you closer to him, snuggling your small body, his scent calming you into another round of sleep. “Goodnight (Y/n), I love you”

You smiled, burying your face on his shirt “Goodnight, love you too”

Stomache ache || Tsukishima Kei, Oikawa Tooru + Kuroo Tetsuroo

A scenario of Tsukki, Oikawa and Kuroo when their s/o can’t fall asleep and she kept going to the bathroom just because her stomach isn’t feeling well, full of fluff :)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Tsukishima Kei

The test was going to be in almost a week from today but Kei, Tadashi and you started to study as the good students you are. Well, maybe those two included you in this study session so they could be sure you were actually understanding everything. Even though the intention of this was only studying, breaks were taken mostly every 20 minutes… definitely not your greatest moment. Loads of snacks were eaten - you ended up so full! but that feeling changed and your stomach started being a problem. Thank god it didn’t start when you were still studying, since i would’ve been the worst thing ever.

Tadashi had just left when your tummy started to hurt. Your house was pretty far away and it was too late for you to go alone. Since Kei and you were childhood friends, his mother easily let you stay for the night! If it wasn’t for the pain your stomach was making you feel, this would’ve been an almost fanfiction scenario you could only imagine in your head from all the years you’ve been pinning for your tall friend. He even lent you his clothes! 

You endured it for some more minutes, he was in a futon on the floor while you “slept” on his bed. Carefully enough, you got to your feet and went to the bathroom… multiple times in the night. Whatever made your stomach that upset, you sweared for your life you wouldn’t eat it again… even if it meant not eating at all. You could only hope the blond didn’t notice a damn thing because you would be embarrassed as hell.

When you were finished with you business in the bathroom, you got out and met with the blond’s eyes. He had this smirk in his face and all the emotions you were trying to hide just exploded in your face. “I’m sorry i woke you up…” He lifted his eyebrow “Are you feeling better though?” You directed you gaze to the wall “Y/n…” “My tummy hurts…haha” and with that your vision clouded, you were super ashamed you almost couldn’t handle it. You felt how he sighed and put his hand in your shoulder “You dumb, go to bed. I’ll give you something for it” so you did what he said. Even if you were feeling really self-concious, the tone of his voice expressed how deeply he cared and that was just what you needed.

Oikawa Tooru

It was one of those nights where your tummy wouldn’t stop hurting. Maybe it was the amount of food you had ate during the day or perhaps part of it was rotten, you didn’t know. What you did know was that the sound your stomach produced was not healthy at all. Either way this wasn’t what you were expecting from this day, all week you were completely excited about this “sleepover idea” with your boyfriend Tooru: preparing the outfit you would wear, what movies you would love to watch, you name it. All to be ruined by your stupid stomach plotting your entire plan and making you feel anxious. 

The “tummy problem” started just when you two arrived home from the cute date you had. You tried to deny any kind of discomfort your stomach made you feel and just hoped it went away. Hot news - it didn’t. Sometimes you could ignore it and behave normally but there were other times when you needed a break in the bathroom. You tried those visits were as fast as possible so the boy wouldn’t notice. (He is an observant pal so obviously he would)

You thought it all came to an end when both of you got yourselves comfortable (as comfy as you could with all the pain your tummy made you feel) in his bed. He was definitely sleepy and ready to shut his brain off since he had a long day: he was practicing in the club some serves before your date. As soon as you felt his body relax, you jumped out of bed and ran all the way to the nearest bathroom. You tried to be as silent as you could every time you went but because of your rapid actions you ended up making a lot of noise when you closed the door. 

Just when you felt everything was going the best it could, a knock at the door interrupted your late night date with the toilet.

“Y/n, baby, you know you can count on me when you don’t feel well, right?” Your brows furrowed as you heard his voice from outside. That’s when your facade broke, and all your frustrations surfaced. “Tooru…” your voice trembled as you called his name. “What is it sweetie?” as those words came out of his mouth some tears felt from your eyes, you weren’t expecting this but the tiredness was consuming you as well. “My stomach hurts…”When you said it, he went to his kitchen and prepared some tea for you to drink. “Hold on, baby. I’m going to give you something for it, yeah?”

You spent some more minutes until you felt better and came out of the room. Your gaze was directly to the floor, the embarrassment because of all this ugly situation kept you from looking into his eyes. “Y/n” He said and took your hand. His soft touch left you breathless and guided you to a comfy place with the tea he prepared. “drink this and you’ll feel better, okay? Don’t cry…” He said as he lifted your face so your eyes could meet. “Lean on me when you need it”

Kuroo Tetsurou

It had been a long day. Some stressful customers were being such a pain in the ass, it’s true that there’s a policy of “the client has the last word” or something like it but even those phrases have it’s limitations. Turns out that the lady you were attending was that kind of individual, a disrespectful son of a bi- well, you had to admit that you have been a little bit too sensitive for the past few days. It was a mix between the ugly customers, inconsiderate coworkers and the fact that you study and work at the same time and everything is on your shoulders. 

As a matter of a fact, your diet was not the best, some meals were skipped and they weren’t consistent at all. That day specifically was definitely one of your worst: the fatigue, tiredness, hunger and bad condition of your body overall was affecting you. Since you had classes first hour in the morning, you didn’t have time to get something to eat other than a sandwich that you found in the refrigerator. You didn’t know whose it was, probably from Tetsurou’s, nor did you know how long had it been there…

The effect of the rotten sandwich started just when you got home from almost fighting with the petty woman. Normally you are an organized person and your temper is reasonable but the state of mind in that situation was unstable. You threw your high heels around your and Tetsu’s room and dropped yourself on the bed. Even though your tummy was making weird noises you didn’t care, and that’s when your brain turn off. 

The place was kind of a mess, but Kuroo Tetsurou completely understood why. You were tired as hell and he has always been the messy type. “I have to help a bit though” he thought as he put his things down on the sofa. There was almost no trace of you except of the happy snores that came from your shared room. He smiled and left you there sleeping, he knew how exhausted you had been all week and all he wanted for you is to rest. He ended up working on some projects from university, studying a bit and when the boy least expected it, it was already 2am. He had his headphones on but he was almost sure he heard the door being shut. He didn’t pay attention to it the first few times, but already on the eighth time … the messy haired boy was beyond worried. That was definitely not normal.

“Y/n…?” He tried to sound as sweet as possible. “what” you responded as fast as you could. “Are you alright kitten?” and with that you were weak. The pressure and just everything you were baring till that moment slapped you right in the face. “…ₙₒ”. And then your stomach decides to make the worst sound ever, good thing he is the closest person you have in this existence. Even like that, maybe if it were in another situation it would’ve been funny and you would make a joke about it but right now “The stinky sandwich is missing, kitten that’s like 1 month old..” that made you feel even worse to not be able to tell when a thing is not edible anymore. 

“oh…” you felt so embarrassed. People could say are such a fierce person - all bark and bite type - but at moments like these, they could not be more wrong. You needed him by your side and he was more than disposed to help. “Y/n, kitten don’t worry” you could hear his voice filled with love “i’m going to give you something and then we’ll sleep, alright?” Yeah, you could be an independent person but at the same time depending on him is just as fine.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

I hope you all liked it! It’s been a long wait but i can’t assure you i’ll update more frequently or just content itself. Either way here it is!

I hope you have a great day or night!!!🖤

Minjoon|| Hybrid AU||

    The day had started out dreary for Namjoon. The sky was filled with dark rain clouds and it had been pouring since he had woken up. With a sigh, he had rolled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth before he got dressed for work. Upon checking the time, he realized he was running a little late so he decided to skip breakfast and instead grabbed his keys, umbrella and suitcase and left his home, making his way as fast as he could to work. Thankfully, he had made it with just a few minutes to spare, causing him to release a deep sigh he had been holding in since he left his house. He already knew this was going to be a long day.

  Unfortunately for Namjoon, the day was in fact, a long one. Meeting after meeting was attended and frankly, he had a migraine because of them. So, he quickly packed up his things, say his goodbyes to his  coworkers for the day and headed out of the office. 

  “At least the rain stopped.” He thought.

    Taking his usual route home, the tall, young man sighed once more. Maybe he’d stop to get something to eat on the way home? That way he could take a shower as soon as he got home and then crawl into bed for the rest of the night. Maybe he’d even read a little before he passed out. His thoughts were quickly interupped by a weak crying noise coming from the alley he was passing.

   Now, Namjoon usually didn’t pay any heed to strange noises like this. He’d usually keep walking. But this? This cry? Sounded like something or someone needed help. It sounded pained. So, carefully, Namjoon made his way down the alley, peeking around trash bins and dumpsters to see if he could find what was making the noise. The closer he got, the louder the crying got. It was behind a few large boxes that Namjoon finally found what has been crying.

  A small samyoyed hybrid, curled in on himself and whimpering, peeking up at Namjoon once he moved the boxes. Wait.. a hybrid? Those were rare and you were lucky if you were even able to get a glimpse of one walking around the city, so why was there one abandoned like this in an alley? It was unfortunately still pouring, but Namjoon didn’t want to startle the poor hybrid so, he carefully moved the boxes to the side and crouched down, offering his hand, palm down to the pup.

  “Hey there. I’m Namjoon.. what are you doing out here all alone, little one?”

   The hybrid’s eyes widened slightly, though he tentatively sniffed and nosed at the taller man’s hand.  

“M’Jimin..” He mumbled softly. “Owner didnt want me anymore.. Was called useless and dropped off here so I-”

 Jimin’s eyes filled with tears at the thought of being abandoned and how long he had been living in that alley. How long he’s had to go without food. Namjoon, upon hearing the hybrid’s voice quivering, calming tried to sooth him, hand reaching out to pet gently through his blond hair. He doesn’t know what compelled him to say his next words or what he was even thinking, but this hybrid was way underweight. His face was gaunt and he was sure that he’d be able to see his ribs if he were to take his tattered shirt off.

  “Do you want to come and live with me? I can take care of you, I promise you’ll never have to worry about living on the street again.”

  It took Jimin a few moments to think it over but, this man seemed genuine. There wasn’t a bad smell or ill intention coming from him. So, after a minute or two of thinking, the hybrid reached a shaky, thin hand out to the taller man, accepting his offer of a new home.

--------------------

    It had been a few months since Namjoon had brought Jimin home. For a few weeks it was going well. He had Jimin eating his special hybrid food, had made him up his own room in one of Namjoon’s spare bedrooms and had grown closer with the smaller man and on top of that, Jimin had filled out to a healthier weight. No longer was he able to see the samyoyed’s ribs. His cheeks had filled out beautifully as well. That is, until Jimin had begged to try a little piece of Namjoon’s steak one night and it had gone downhill from there.

   After that, Jimin refused to eat his own food and begged Namjoon to let him eat human food too and how could he resist with Jimin pouting at him like that? So, from then on, Jimin ate the same things as Namjoon did. Now, human food wasn’t meant for hybrids to eat. It caused them to gain weight rather quickly which, is what happened to Jimin.

 The clothes that Namjoon had boughten him were slowly getting way too tight, his chubby, swollen tummy pushing against the fabric of his shirts. His ass has started swelling out more as well, causing his pants to be uncomfortably tight on him and not to mention he was now sporting a softer chest, not quite moobs but a few more weaks of eating would fix that. Jimin’s cheeks had gotten chubbier as well as his thighs and arms, not that he himself minded. He was more worried about what Namjoon would say to him.

  Along with Jimin’s expanding waistline, his apetite also grew. He used to be stuffed after half a plate of food but now he was having Namjoon make him at least two. Three on a day he was super hungry. This worried the older male and since he didn’t want to hurt Jimin’s feelings with bringing up his new found hunger and weight, he dicided to just stay quiet about it. Besides, Jimin looked happy and healthy right? He himself was beginning to enjoy watching him grow softer too. A few more pounds couldn’t hurt, right?

  Wrong. The more time that passed, the more Jimin ate and snacked and the bigger he got. He had gotten used to being pampered by Namjoon, to the point of getting whiny if he didn’t get his way. He’d stomp his foot and cross his arms, causing his belly to jiggle and sway. “Hyung I said I’m hungy! Please! I’m gonna die!” Namjoon would just sigh and get him his food so he’d stop pouting. It eventually got to the point where Namjoon had to make more that one trip a day to the grocery store because Jimin would clean them out of everything within a few hours.

-------------------

 Over the next few years, Jimin’s eating habits continued as well as his weight gain. It had gotten to the point where Namjoon needed to help him out of bed in the mornings as he couldn’t do it himself. Was the hybrid embarrassed by this? Not at all. He enjoyed it. Enjoyed the fact that he had to have his Joonie’s help for the simplest tasks. He enjoyed his owner turned boyfriend giving him all of the attention in the world when he got home from work. He reveled in all of the belly rubs and touched Namjoon would give him, enjoyed every single kiss and not once did the older male ever critisize Jimin’s weight or how much he ate... alright, except for the times where Jimin goes on binges and eats everything in the house, but he can’t help it!

  It’s not like Namjoon doesn’t enjoy it anyway. Whenever Jimin cleans out the kitchen and he can’t move, he begs and whines for the older man to rub his belly, to which, he happily obliges. Namjoon especially loves it when Jimin rolls over him when they’re sleeping and he get’s pinned under Jimin’s enormous gut and the mattress. Jimin always profusely apologizes in the morning, but Namjoon is never angry with him. How could he be?

  Unfortunately today, Namjoon has to work. He’s got an important meeting that he absolutely cannot be late for and as much as he wants to stay home and love on his massive, jiggly boyfriend, he can’t. While he straightens his tie, he peeks over at Jimin, humming softly.

    “Angel, can you try your best not to eat everything in the kitchen for me today? Just until I get home? If you’re good for me I’ll make sure to buy you extra treats when I go back out to the store.”

   Jimin huffs and pouts at this, but the promise of extra treats has him willing to try. With a small nod and another little whine, he agrees.

 “Okay but, you gotta promise you’ll get the extra treat! You know it’s really hard for me to not eat.”

 Namjoon chuckles and makes his way over to lean over, giving the hybrid a few kisses on his puffy cheeks and giving a small pat to his belly, making it wobble slightly.

  “Of course I promise, love. Now, I have to get going, I’ll see you in a few hours, okay?”

   With a kiss to the lips and another tummy pat, Namjoon made his way to the front door, making sure to lock it behind him once he stepped out of the house. As soon as that lock clicked, Jimin wasted no time in pushing himself up out of the chair he was sitting in. It took him a few minutes and the chair creacked under him, due to his mass and how much he was struggling, but he made it. He waddled himself into the kitchen to see that Namjoon haid labeled the food he was allowed to eat until he got home which to other people, would be enough for a small family for four but to Jimin it was nowhere near enough to last him that long.

  A long whine escaped his puffy lips. He hated this but he was willing to try and be good so, he took the food labeled for breakfast to the table and carefully sat down on one of the chairs there. It creaked dangerously under his weight but the hybrid didn’t care one bit. His stomach rumbled as he dug into his food with fervor. You’d think with the way Jimin ate, he’d make a mess of himself, but he made sure he didn’t waste one little bit of his food. It had only taken him ten minutes to scarf everything down, leaving only a few dirty plates behind.

   Damn he really should have paced himself. With the way Namjoon had laid things out, his snack before luch was still two hours away. He was going to go nuts.. Unless.. what if he just ate a few things from his snack plates? That wouldn’t hurt, right? Grabbing onto the edge of the table, Jimin hauled himself up once more, this time, dragging the chair to the fridge so he didn’t have to keep getting up and down. That was a pain.

  Carefully opening the refridgerator door once more, he sat back down in his chair, it once again creaking in agony and once again, Jimin ignored its screams. He reached to take a few of his snacks off of the plate, eating them one by one. After the third cookie, he knew he should have stopped but he couldn’t, they were just too good. After another five minutes, his cookies were gone and they didn’t even make a dent in his stomach. He was still hungry. 

  “Fuck it.” He thought. Sure Namjoon would be upset with him but he’d eventually forgive him and Jimin would find a way to make it up to him somehow. With that thought, he reached  back into the fridge, eating what was left of the food Namjoon had labeled for him. His lunch was gone just as fast as his breakfast, causing his tummy to round out just slightly, but, he wasn’t finished. The dinner Namjoon had set out for him was next and it was absolutely delicious. He always made Jimin’s favorites, all the pork and chicken he could eat. It took him a little longer to finish his dinner as it had the most food out of all of his meals, but once the plate was empty, he pouted again, resting his hands on top of his swollen gut.

  He looks at the clock that hung in the kitchen and it had only been an hour since Namjoon had left..and his stomach was still growling. Peeking back at the fridge, he shrugged and leaned in, continuing to stuff his face with the rest of the food that was stocked in there that Namjoon hadn’t labeled for the massive hybrid. Jimin had it cleaned completely out by lunch time. Leaning back in his creaky chair, he rubbed gently over his gut, panting quietly as he massaged a few burps out of him, making room for more food. He didn’t want to have to get up again, usually he had his Joonie home to bring him food, but today he had to do things on his own for once.

   After a few minutes of massaging his stomach, Jimin forces himself back on his legs, groaning loudly with the effort. He opened the freezer to take out all of the ice cream, waddling to set it all out on the table. That’s when he looked at the cupboards and, to make this the last time he had to get up, went to clear all of the food and snacks from the cupboard, setting them out on the table as well. The hybrid then dragged his chair back over and carefully plopped back down, chair audibly groaning under his weight.

   His ears twiched just slightly at the sound, but he couldn’t be bothered as he was already digging into his ice cream, not eating too fast so he wouldn’t get a brain freeze. As time went on, Jimin’s massive pile of food slowly started to dwindle. Containers and wrappers littered the floor but there was not one speck of food on Jimin or around him. He made sure he got all of that into his mouth. By the time he was finished, he was overly stuffed, skin taut and slightly reddened from the amount of food he ate, just like it always was. Leaning back in his chair once more, he rubbed over his stomach the best he could, massaging more tiny burps out of him. Leaning back was a mistake though as the chair beneath him couldn’t take his weight any longer, the legs snapping and bringing Jimin down with it.

  The impact of him hitting the floor caused his whole body to jiggle and wobble and he made a small pained sound, cheeks flushing red from embarrassment and arousal. He had to find a way to get himself off the floor. He needed more. Him breaking the chair flipped a switch in him that he didn’t even know he had. Reaching up toward the table, Jimin gripped it as hard as he could, rocking himself back and forth to gain momentum to pull his massive ass off of the kitchen floor. It took him a few tries of him falling back onto the ground, but after a few minutes he was finally able to pull himself up into a standing position.

    There was still a cake inside of the fridge that Namjoon had baked last night (assumingly while Jimin was asleep.) Waddling back to the fridge for the last time until Namjoon bought more food, Jimin reached in to grab the cake, turning to look at the other chairs around the dining table. Surely if he sat in them, those would break too and he didn’t want to have to go through hauling himself up again, or worse, losing the cake. Instead an idea popped into his head. Taking the cake to a clean spot in the kitchen, he carefully manuvered it and himself back onto the kitchen floor. Joonie was almost home anyway so he could help him up if he needed after this.

    ------

      Namjoon hurried home as fast as he could. He worried about Jimin, especially if he listened and only ate what he laid out for him that day. He knew he was probably starving and he wanted to be there when he was finally able to pig out, just in case he needed his help. He expected to open the door to him whining and crying about how starving he was. He did not, however, expect his boyfriend to be on his hands and knees, massive tummy squished up against the floor with his face buried in the cake he baked last night. His eyes widened and he moved his briefcase in front of his crotch to hide his oviously growing erection.

    “J-Jimin!? What are you doing!? Why aren’t you eating at the table?”

   At the sound of his boyfriend’s voice, Jimin froze. He slowly lifted his head to look at the taller male, wiping as much cake off his face as he could.

    “I..I tried Joonie. I.. I tried to do what you asked but it was so hard and I got super hungry.. I..I can’t sit in the chairs anymore Joonie. I broke one.”

  Namjoon was so fixated on Jimin when he walked in, he didn’t even notice the chair until now. Looking over at the splintered pieces lying on the floor, looking like a boulder was dropped onto it, Namjoon had to bite back a moan. Fuck. He, Jimin broke a fucking chair.   The hybrid’s voice brought him out of his thoughts though, as Jimin sounded a little teary.

    “A..Are you mad at me?”

   With a quick shake of his head, Namjoon briskly made his way over to his boyfriend, helping him into a sitting position. Jimin had to spread his legs wide to let his stomach rest comfortable between them. Namjoon inhaled slightly, eyeing his stomach before quickly shaking his head and kneeling down, cupping Jimin’s plush face.

    “Honey no, I’m not mad at you. I should have never asked you to hold back on eating when I know how hungry you get. I was just worried you wouldn’t be able to help yourself if I wasn’t home. I.. mm. I have to say I’m turned on though. I never thought you’d break a chair, let alone eat on your hands and knees like this.”

   Jimin flushed at his words, squirming in his spot slightly.

   “W..Well.. when I broke the chair I.. something switched in me and.. and I just needed more? If you like it so much.. do you want to do me a favor?”

   Namjoon nodded, pressing a few soft kisses to Jimin’s messy cheeks.

   “Anything, baby.”

   Jimin smiled shyly, resting his hands over his stomach.

    “Feed me?”

   Namjoon grinned, sliding his hands over Jimin’s before giving his tummy a gently shake.

     “That I can definitely do, Minnie.”

-------------------

Hi this is my frist time actually writing something in a very long while and while I know it’s not the best, it took me awhile to finally finish it. I hope you guys enjoy it and I’ll work on getting my writing to be better the more I practice. 

I was thinking of a prompt where Holden doesn't eat when he's stressed out or exhausted; it's just the furthest thing from his mind. Bill notices one day and cooks him a well-balanced meal and makes him eat every bite. Holden is speechless because no one has ever been so thoughtful and kind toward him before.

This is so sweet 😭 I also relate to Holden in this aspect a lot because I tend to get very focused on what I’m doing (usually writing lol) and forget to eat for hours at a time. I love the concept of Bill thinking about this, and wanting to take care of him in the most basic, essential way possible. Thanks for the prompt!💕

By five-thirty, the BSU basement is deserted, and nearly everyone has gone home for the day. The single light at Holden’s desk casts muted, white light across the stacks of case files, and the crime scene photos arranged in a neat row at the top of his desk. He has two notebooks - one for victim observations, another for the preliminary profile - and both are filled with three pages of scribbled notes so far. 

They’d arrived back from a two-week long consult in Texas early this morning, and he’d been greeted with a stack of new requests that had accumulated during their absence. Keen on tackling the mountain before it grows any larger, he’d buried his head in profiles for the better part of the day, stopping once to eat some chips from the vending machine when the growling in his stomach became too incessant. Several hours later, the thought of eating has tapered off to a dull hum in the back of his mind. 

Holden is so engaged in the profile that he doesn’t hear Bill approach until a hand on his shoulder jolts him out of his pensive reverie. 

“Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Bill says as Holden leans back in his chair, clutching at his chest. 

“It’s okay.”

“You almost ready to leave?” Bill asks, shooting a pointed glance at his watch. “It’s getting pretty late.”

“I’m almost done with this.”

“Are they expecting it back tonight?”

“No.”

“Then it can wait ‘til tomorrow.” Bill says, giving Holden’s shoulder a nudge. “Come on.”

“I’m this close.” Holden says, pinching less than a half inch of space between his thumb and forefinger.

“You haven’t moved from this desk all day.” Bill says, gently taking Holden’s pen out of his hand and setting it aside. “Have you eaten?”

Holden starts to nod, and Bill casts him a stern frown. 

“Other than vending machine snacks?”

Holden purses his lips, gathering an irked glare. “No, but it’s fine. I’m not that hungry.”

Bill shakes his head, and silently begins putting all of the crime scene photos back in the folders. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Holden asks.

“Making you give yourself a break.” Bill says, snatching the two notebooks from in front of Holden and flipping them shut. 

“I wasn’t done with that.”

“Holden.” Bill says, firmly, “This is not up for debate.”

Holden narrows his eyes. “Are you seriously pulling rank on me?”

“I’m saying this as someone who cares about you, not your superior, but if you want to see it that way, sure.” 

Holden tries to hold onto his scowl as Bill tosses aside the folders, and pulls him up from his chair by his hands. 

“We just had a very long two weeks.” Bill says, his voice softening as their eyes meet. “You need to give yourself a minute to breathe every once in a while.” 

“Bill…” Holden says slowly, a coy smile creeping at the corner of his mouth. “Is this because we didn’t have time to have sex the whole time we were away?”

Bill sighs, his brow curling with an indignant frown. “No.”

“I’m horny, too, but we have a job to do.”

“Yeah, one you can’t do when you haven’t eaten all day. Now come on. I’m taking you home.”

Holden doesn’t protest again as Bill leads him out of the basement. As they walk across the parking lot to the car, the faint tremble in his knees and the ache in his stomach emerges from the hazy focus on work that he’d been clinging onto. He doesn’t want to admit that Bill is right, so he keeps his mouth shut as they speed down the highway towards home with his stomach growling the entire way. 

Once they get home, Holden strips out of his work clothes and tosses them in the hamper while Bill goes into the kitchen. In his pajamas, he shuffles down the hallway to where Bill is rifling through the refrigerator and pulling out ingredients. 

“We could just order out.” Holden says. 

“What? Pizza?” Bill says, glancing past the refrigerator door with a disapproving glance. “I don’t think so. You need real food.”

“It is real food. It’s just not very healthy.”

“Exactly.” 

Holden wanders further into the kitchen, scanning the items Bill has placed on the counter. 

“What are you making?”

“You’ll see.”

“Can I help you?”

“No.” Bill says, “Go get a shower and lay down. I’ll get you when it’s ready.”

“That doesn’t seem fair.”

Bill pushes the refrigerator door shut, and leans over to plant a kiss on Holden’s protesting lips. “Let me do this. Okay?”

Holden holds up a defeated hand. “Okay. Fine.”

He retreats from the kitchen, and goes to the bathroom to get a shower like Bill had suggested. As he stands under the hot spray of the water and feels the tension begin to unwind from his shoulders, a wave of exhaustion washes over him. Every time they go on consult, they spend so much time on the ground that they don’t get very much sleep. He’s almost used to it by now, but it doesn’t stop him from feeling the impact - like some kind of bad hangover - whenever they get back into their own timezone. 

By the time he finishes showering, a small whiff of the aromas wafting from the kitchen makes his mouth water and his empty stomach spasm with hunger. Tired and weak, he lays down on the couch, and lets his eyes slip shut. 

It feels like the space of a second, but when Bill nudges him awake, Holden realizes that a half hour has passed. 

“Come on.” Bill urges, dragging his docile limbs up from the couch, “Dinner’s ready.”

Holden leans into his arms, and rubs his hands over his face to dispel the haze of sleep. Stifling a yawn, he climbs up from the couch, and follows Bill into the kitchen. 

“Wow, this looks amazing.” He murmurs, as Bill sits him down at the table in front of his plate filled with bread chicken, Spanish rice, and roasted broccoli. 

Bill sits down next to him, and puts his arm across the back of Holden’s chair. “You wanna try to tell me again how you aren’t hungry?”

Holden casts him a limp smile as he picks up his fork and knife. The first bite of the chicken is juicy and savory, just enough salt against rosemary and thyme. A satisfied groan rises in the back of his throat as he chews and the flavor washes across his tongue and down into his empty stomach. 

“Good?” Bill asks, bemused. 

“So good.” Holden says, “When did you get to be such a good cook?”

“My mom taught me a few staples.” 

“Mmm.” Holden mumbles as he tucks a bite of rice and broccoli in his mouth. “I’m impressed.”

“But are you hungry?”

Holden shoots him a begrudging glance. “Yes. Starving, if you have to know.”

Bill chuckles softly, and rubs a hand over his back. “That’s what I thought.”

Holden continues eating, wrapped up in the satisfying sensation of the savory meal hitting his stomach. He’s halfway through his plate before he realizes that Bill isn’t eating, only sitting at Holden’s side watching every bite go into his mouth. 

“Aren’t you having some?�� Holden asks, pausing to take a sip of water. 

“In a minute.”

Holden blushes as Bill’s gaze clings to him, observing his unreserved chewing with a crooked smirk and a pleased glint in his eyes. 

“Is this some new kink?” Holden murmurs, lowering his eyelashes. “Watching me eat?”

“No, I just want to see you taken care of. I have to do it since you won’t do it for yourself.”

Holden cheeks grow hotter, and he quickly tucks another piece of chicken in his mouth to rush past the sudden flash of vulnerability he feels under Bill’s scrutiny. They’ve exchanged raunchier words in the bedroom without him feeling this exposed; but no one has ever done something like this for him before - not just cooked him dinner, but made sure he ate every bite, and stuck to the task like it was some honor-bound duty. 

“What’s the matter?” Bill asks softly as Holden lowers his head and rubs a quick hand over his eyes. 

“Nothing.” Holden whispers, leaning over to hide his face in Bill’s shoulder. “Nothing. I just …. thank you. This tastes really good.”

“You’re welcome.” Bill says, curling his arm around Holden’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze.

Cradling Holden’s cheek in his other hand, he tilts his chin up into a soft kiss. His thumb strokes along Holden’s cheek and against the corner of his eye, smearing the faint remnants of moisture. 

“I had no idea my cooking was that good.” He murmurs.

“It is.” Holden says, nudging another kiss against the corner of Bill’s mouth. “I think I want to marry you, and let you cook for me every night.”

Bill’s soft chuckle rumbles from deep in his chest. “Is that right?”

“Yes. And maybe breakfast too.”

“If you’re lucky.” 

Holden smiles into another slow kiss before Bill pulls back, and waves a finger at his plate. 

“Okay, keep going.” He urges. “I want to see you eat every bite.”

“Yes, sir.” Holden murmurs, sitting up straighter to take up his fork and knife again. 

Bill’s hand absently rubs Holden’s shoulder as he finishes the rest of his food, and washes it down with a gulp of water. 

“Ah, I’m stuffed now.” Holden says, leaning back and stretching his belly. 

“Time for bed, I think.”  Bill says, smiling fondly as Holden stifles a yawn. He rises from his chair, and urges Holden to his feet. “Come on, I’ll tuck you in.”

As soon as Holden crawls into bed, his exhaustion immediately overcomes him. He collapses into the familiar warmth of the sheets with a contented sigh.

 Bill drags the covers over him, and sits down on the edge of the bed to nestle them under his chin. 

“Aren’t you coming?” Holden murmurs, sleepily. 

“In a bit.” Bill says, bending down to plant a kiss on his forehead. “Get some rest. You’ve earned it, okay?”

Holden nods, too tired to argue or agree. He’s already falling asleep by the time Bill turns off the bedside lamp, and drops one last kiss on his temple before sneaking toward the door. 

“Bill?” Holden whispers into the darkness.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. Go to sleep.”

The door eases shut, and Holden sinks down against the pillow with a happy hum. He never sleeps well when they’re out of town on consult. His mind is always racing with details of the case and plans of action, and he thinks he’ll never get a good night’s sleep again. It isn’t until he’s home that his body and brain realize again that he’s safe and cared for, that he can drift off to dreams without worrying about someone else dying. This time, it took less than a day for that relief to flood his veins, and he knows it didn’t have anything to do with the dent he’d valiantly tried to put in his overflowing paperwork today. With dinner warming his belly, Holden quickly falls asleep feeling happier than he’s ever been.

So there’s this New York Times article that I saw and holy fuck guys it’s time to get on my soapbox.

First of all, it’s a horror from start to finish, clearly influenced by the idea that we’re all trying to lose weight and that your health goal shouldn’t be, I don’t know, to have energy or be healthy or feel happy in your skin, but rather to lose as much weight as humanly fucking possible.

It’s got fantastic quotes like this:

*screams in horror*

You know who doesn’t eat for 16 hours a day? Me. I do. When I’m having a depressive episode. I don’t eat. I can’t sleep. I pick a handful of songs and I lie on the floor and I listen to them on repeat while I strive to feel any kind of hunger but the very idea of food makes me sick and it takes everything in me to force myself to consume something. Even my favorite chocolate cake isn’t appealing during those times.

And yeah, sure, I lose a fuck ton of weight during those times. In fact, I lost so much weight last year, my mom had an intervention. I don’t have an eating disorder in the sense that I have body dysphoria or I’m trying to lose weight or that I’m not happy with my body. I’m not bulimic or even anorexic. I just lose the will to live. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t think. I have to listen to music otherwise the silence in my head is so loud it feels like I’m trapped in a fucking coffin and the coffin is my own body so there’s no escape.

It’s fun.

So yes, I lose a lot of weight. But I also have no energy. I’m irritable. I’m listless. I’m impatient. I get sick really easily because my body has no strength to fight off a cold. I look like shit. I’m talking big purple hollows under my eyes and sallow skin and counting my ribs. I look like I’m going to play an extra on The Walking Dead.

Fasting 16 hours a day might make you lose weight, but my God, at what price!? Not to mention the binge-eating you do afterwards because you’re so fucking hungry you can’t control yourself. When you don’t eat for a while, your body starts craving food like chips, and ice cream, and burgers. It wants high sugar high salt high fat goodies. It wants a fuckton of calories, stat. So now you’re in a cycle of binging and purging that is... oh wait... what do we call that?

AN EATING DISORDER!!!

Second of all, it once again uses the idea of our oh-so-holy ancestors to promote the idea that we are currently failing as a species:

“Our human ancestors did not consume three regularly spaced large meals, plus snacks, every day, nor did they live a sedentary life,” the researchers wrote.

Well y’know what our human ancestors also did, researchers? Ate woolly mammoths, used bronze tools, and thought the gods literally lived on top of a mountain (if you’re Greek). We’ve moved on. I also don’t know of anyone who eats three large meals a day and snacks, but so what if you do? Life is to be enjoyed, and if you enjoy food, fucking bully for you! Far be it from me to stop you.

Sure, there is a point to be made about our sedentary lifestyles. But that, to be frank, is more to do with the fact that most of us are stuck working long hours in jobs that require us to sit or stand in one place all day, and we can’t afford to not work those jobs because otherwise we will not be able to pay our bills and we will die. And then you’re so exhausted from work that you come home and you don’t want to do anything. You just want to sit and relax. So you do.

Maybe, just maybe, instead of casually shaming us for our “sedentary life” as if it’s a choice we all made - papers and health professionals should be blaming the corporations that made it so that we don’t really have a choice?

“Many people will experience hunger, irritability and a reduced ability to concentrate during periods of food restrictions,” the researchers wrote. They added, however, that these side effects usually disappear within a month.

Yeah, because after a month you start to go into shut down mode. Do you realize what you’re doing when you do this to your body? You’re modifying your DNA. You have kids later in life, those kids are going to naturally be heavier, and hold onto weight more, because their DNA that they got from you says “we won’t get a lot of food, so we have to hold onto the fat that we do get, to prepare for times of hardship.” Now, I don’t care what weight any kids I have might be (not that I want kids, but anyway) but that’s a little extreme, wouldn’t you say? To modify your fucking DNA???

The article does admit that this sort of intermittent fasting can be a trigger for those with eating disorders and that you have to be careful not to binge on too much food or unhealthy food once you’re allowed to eat again. But the fact that it’s promoting this as an option and is so based in the idea that we all have to lose weight and that being heavy is wrong is fucking disgusting.

I have known far too many people with eating disorders who tried fasting to let this kind of bullshit slide. Please, please, please, for the love of whatever you consider holy, do not fast for 16 hours a day. You need food! You need it! Eat what you want when you want and enjoy it!

Not eating like this? That’s what they put prisoners of war through. It’s actual torture. My brain puts me through this kind of torture. Please, please, please do not do this to yourselves voluntarily.

And FUCK the New York Times for promoting this kind of thinking. Fuck them with a cactus.

Aurgh it’s hard as fuck when your main squick is something that’s popular with like, almost every other human being ever, and is intended to be one of those safe everyday conversations you can have with both intimate friends and complete strangers. Where it’s supposed to be a thing that humanity uses as a uniting, welcoming, bonding force... but to me it’s just... a really uncomfortable reminder of a host of bad things.

I’m talking food here.

Food conversations often make me feel uncomfortable. Vastly uncomfortable. There’s an intricate set of conditions for which conversations I’m fine with and which will bother me, but no one except me is going to know all that minuteness. Point is: food conversations, food socialization, it’s everywhere. And it’s so hard to handle. Because i know everyone wants to be nice and they’re reaching out to me, but every time they do that kind gesture, it’s alienating and disturbing me more. And so 9 times out of 10, I put on a polite face and humor them because I don’t want to hurt them. I don’t let them know it bothers me. 

Dudes I am like, always trying to minimize my discomfort for others, because I know it’s impractical to act otherwise.

Which means I’m constantly living in a state of internally squirming.

Let’s be clear: I am someone who’s pretty comfortable giving feedback to friends, talking back and forth about what does/doesn’t work between us. I’m not someone socially anxious at approaching topics like these. I’m FINE telling friends, “Hey, I don’t like X, how about we do Y?” But just... food’s an impossible battle, dudes, and you can’t do it to complete strangers, to EVERYONE you meet, to EVERY circumstance you go through... it’s just... it’s a losing battle and I’d rather be polite and not make others feel uncomfortable, than constantly jut out to no good result.

For like. The one time out of ten I ask people (usually close friends) to avoid food-related actions and conversations, it’s a roll of the dice whether or not their behavior changes, even when they don’t complain “That makes it hard to talk to you!” Usually the confiding conversation changes little. Even when they’re trying to do something. 

The problem is that food reminds me I’m socially ostracized, and it reminds me of a lot of the mental illness and self-care issues I’ve chronically had in my life. In fact, food is a really good symbol of everywhere I just STRUGGLE so like, yeah, surprise surprise, I hate hearing and talking about it and stuff.

So like. Number one. I have Celiac Disease. I got diagnosed as an infant (praise God) and have lived a strict gluten free diet my entire life, even before most people knew what the word meant or knew the word existed. I have pride for being a Celiac, but I don’t like what the social impacts are. I learned to turn down food offered to me. Which is like. A lot of the time, dudes. Humans bond through food. But growing up without food bonding is....... yeah wow, dudes, apparently it messes you up, who knew.

1. You gotta turn down the dinner invitations for people who want to cook for you, knowing they’ll have nooooo idea how to prepare safe gluten-free friendly foods. Or, you don’t want to be a Drastic Social Burden(TM) that’s difficult to prepare for (because there’s so much RESEARCH they’d have to do, and so much I’d have to DOUBLE CHECK for them, just to make sure I could eat one fucking cupcake). So any time there’s a social gathering around dinner that isn’t going to a restaurant, it turns into a major cringe reaction for me, wishing that this hangout were literally ANY other time of day.

Mealtimes, which everyone else uses as a way to bond with one another in a positive, delightful way... are one of the Biggest Ways to make me feel alienated, uncomfortable, socially burdensome, on edge. Instead of making me feel included, I feel all the more aware I’m the odd one out. During the times people *DO* actually cook gluten free for me, I feel an unending wave of gratefulness piled on social burden, because they had to go out of their fucking way to figure this out, due to the problematic nature of me having strict dietary restrictions.

2. You know how often food gets offered to you as gifts? I have to constantly turn down those gifts. I already lack gift giving abilities; turning down gifts is socially cumbersome but something I’m always waiting to have to do. Instead of ever feeling grateful someone offered me something (I know they mean well), I have to ruin the moment by asking to see the packaging for the ingredients list, or saying “no”. And someone saying “I’d love to cook for you!” just makes me think “oh god oh god oh god NO. please NO.”

3. Really fun hanging out with friends and “Let’s go eat” and you have to veto 3/4 of the restaurants they want to go to because you can’t eat there. Frankly, I often succumb to “Pick what you want, I’ll figure something out for me.” My friends don’t like that and insist to include me (food bonding [sigh]) but yeahhhh, I like to wimp out on that rather than bother.

4. Oh hi guess what it also goes into being left out of religious experiences like church communions. Until larger churches started offering gluten free wafers to replace bread... if I wanted to be included in communion... I either had to whisper something to the pastor before she gave me bread, or I’d have to give her my gluten free bread ahead of time so she could give it to me specially (this is what my mom did for me, who always tried to make me feel included as a little kid... bake me my own cakes for birthday parties... arrange this stuff with the church... what have you). And let’s not get started on the awkward conversations I had when friends invited me to seder and I had to do a lot of make-sure-ing there too.

5. Okay guys you know how COMMON it is for people to text you food pictures? Look what I made. This is my dinner. What have you. How that will IMMEDIATELY set off my discomfort??? But if I don’t respond, I’ll get a text half an hour later, “Hey, did you see my concoction?” 

6. Ngl this makes me 300000x more nervous if I have to do any food-related hosting event. Even if it’s “bring something to the potluck!” it throws me into so much distress. Now *I* have to pick food for *someone else*, when I live in a world where no one knows how to pick food for me. It makes me uncertain what to bring, what’s acceptable to bring, etc. I mean, I guess the one thing I have going for me is I make sure I bring stuff ANY person of ANY diet can eat, but like... there’s so much social discomfort. I get even more uncomfortable at the thought of trying to cook meals for people (doesn’t help I can’t cook to save my life) or hosting social events with snacks in them (ex: movie nights). 

THERE IS A REASON I DEFAULT TO “HEY WHO WANTS TO GO OUT TO DINNER, I’LL PAY!!!!” it’s the one non-uncomfortable way I can show my love to my friends, while dealing with a physical need I know they have (hunger). It’s not the “best” bonding way, but I try to minimize those experiences, get out of them, but like... if I’m offering to buy you dinner, THIS IS ***THE*** BEST I CAN DO AND I AM DESPERATE TO DO IT BECAUSE IT IS THE ***ONLY*** WAY I CAN FOOD BOND WITH YOU AND I KNOW YOU NEED THAT.

On and on and on and on and on. 

Like, on its own, living with Celiac is damn EASY. It’s not hard to cook and eat gluten free meals. But it’s the interaction with all the other human beings, who default to eating gluten-filled meals, and trying to get me in on the socialization of gluten-filled meals... that makes it so problematic to navigate. And means I’m constantly feeling socially........ jutting out. Square peg in round hole phenomenon.

But it’s not just the fact that everyone else grew up bonding with food and meals... and I was separated out and couldn’t bond. 

Uarghghghg it’s not just Celiac. Celiac is simple. Celiac is normal. I’m 100% chill with the fact I have it, and I actually get angry when people suggest it’s something that should be “cured.” Fuck you dudes, I’m normal, I’m healthy, my life is great, it’s not my fault you like wheat and think I should like it too. 

But. Where things get really emotionally hairy. It’s that food is a pinnacle of my non-neurotypical issues. I forever screwed up my diet in college when I got so depressed I quit eating regularly and lost something like 10-15 lb (which was... like... 10% of my body weight, yiiiiikes). It became this... self-imposed contest... where I tried to skip as many meals as possible. It became a Rule that I didn’t eat Sundays. It took years for me to eat 2-3 meals a day again. And it forever impacted the health of what I ate. I have really baaaaaad diet.

And diet is always the first thing to get impacted when I have a depression-y spell. It’s the hardest thing for me to get in control to try to take care of myself. I’m CONSTANTLY struggling to take care of myself even during my happy periods, when it comes to food, and so you can only imagine what happens to my diet when I’m in my many bad spells. Food represents the constant struggle, the constant inability for me to function. It sometimes feels like the symbol of my mental illness. It’s a battle I am constantly, constantly, constantly, constantly fighting. I’m fighting to get ONE meal a week that I’ve fucking cooked for myself. I’m fighting to eat things that could be called “meals” at all (don’t worry, I get my calories and shit in, I eat very regularly, I snack all the fucking time, I’m not underfed, I’m fiiiiiine, it’s just not... good nutritional value, and it relies heavily on restaurants or non-scratch non-recipe items). 

And when food is the epitome of so many bad things - inability to fit in socially, inability to take care of myself, a memory of times when I collapsed psychologically my freshman year of college and went into eating disorder mode... like dudes, I’m sorry, I’m not going to enjoy photos of your macaroni and cheese you texted me. It’s going to make me go into instant Red Flag Mental Mode where I’m thinking about nothing except constant internal battles I fight.

And yet.

Oh goodie.

Food is The Go To socializer. Food is a Nice Easy Topic. Food is everywhere, and I just bite my tongue and smile and tell someone, “Looks like a tasty dinner.”

15 Best Foods for Weight Loss!

Enter these healthy, slim foods to your diet to help your body burn more calories, feel full for longer, and avoid gaining extra pounds.

If you are trying to lose weight we will put in your hands this comprehensive guide that includes everything that you put on your plate and all kinds of foods that must remain in your kitchen, these useful foods contain nutritional values ​​and effective antioxidants, which have been proven to help your body lose weight It prolongs your feeling of fullness and provides you with vigor and vitality, and many of them have many added benefits such as protection from various diseases and delaying the signs of aging.

Here are some of the most extraordinary weight-loss foods that you should start entering in your diet, in addition to delicious recipes provided by the editor contributing to the nutrition section of the “Health” Cynthia Sass website, a certified dietitian in general medicine.

Almonds

Almonds are a great source of monounsaturated fats and polyunsaturated fats, which can help lower your cholesterol and keep you fit, and are also low in calories compared to other types of nuts (only 163 calories for 23 almonds) in addition to containing high levels of fiber and vitamin E According to a study by the International Obesity Journal, people who added an almond serving daily to their low-calorie diet lost more weight than those who followed the same diet but ate a snack full of carbohydrates like biscuits instead of l G. Best natural foods for weight loss

To gain the benefits of almonds, SAS recommends adding it to low-fat protein foods such as salmon, or mixing it with salads or cooked vegetables. You can also whisk it with a smoothie drink or use almond butter as a basic ingredient for an appetizing sauce flavored with garlic and ginger.

Apples

Apples contain pectin, which naturally slows down the digestion and stimulates the feeling of satiety. Studies have shown that apples will act as a natural suppressant for appetite, if you eat an apple with your meal (unlike apple juice or apple sauce), which helps you eat a small total number of calories Without feeling deprived, Sass loves to add slices of apples to the power of cabbage and frying pans, or to mix them with a burger filling to add a moist taste.

Apples are also a good source of vitamin C, antioxidants and fiber, but be sure not to peel the apple because its peel contains most of the nutritional values ​​in the fruit.

Artichoke (artichoke)

Sass says: Artichokes are considered one of the best foods that make you feel full. They are truly one of the highest vegetables in fiber. The boiled artichoke contains an enormous amount of fiber estimated at 10.3 grams. This is equivalent to more than half of the recommended daily amount for women, and to curb your appetite. Before the meal, SAS recommends that you enjoy these vegetables as a starter for dinner, you can try them with refreshing salads with green soy and asparagus, or make your own home-made sauce made from artichokes, tomatoes, olives and red onions. Where Is The HEART Located

Avocado

Is there something avocado can’t do? This extraordinary fruit (abundant in monounsaturated fats, potassium, magnesium, folate and Vitamin E and C) is associated with improved vision and heart health and reduces the risk of certain types of cancer, and this fruit is also important to maintain your fitness, according to one of the studies that showed that people who take avocados regularly They have a lower weight and a brighter waist than those who do not, and there is another study that showed that women who eat half of the avocado on food have subsequently experienced a decrease in their cravings throughout the day.

There are limitless ways to enjoy this fruit, you can not resist the whole wheat duo with mashed avocado, lemon juice and sunflower seeds, and SAS recommends blending avocado as a smoothie with herbs and citrus juice to make it a creamy sauce for vegetables or add an omelette to vegetables.

Bananas

Although it is known to contain potassium, bananas are a great source of resistant starch and it is a type of starch that is important for weight loss. , And you don’t need to wait for the banana to ripen completely, bananas have more of this caloric ingredient when it’s still a little green.

We have more reasons to urge you to add bananas to your shopping list: Bananas help to adjust blood pressure, calm digestive disorders, and re-supply the body with lost nutrients after exercise, and it can even help prevent strokes in older women.

Black Beans

Black beans are a member of the family of dry cereals, a group of foods that have been shown to help burn calories and reduce belly fat and suppress appetite. One cup of black beans is enough to get 15 grams of protein without the saturated fat that you usually find in High sources of protein, such as red meat. How To GROW Your Eyelashes Fast

Sass says: Black beans are suitable for both sweet and savory dishes, so you may have tried black bean soup, but you can also try preparing black bean patties or whipping them with sweets or cocktails.

Blueberry

A cup of blueberry rich in antioxidants contains 80 calories and 4 grams of fiber that help your body feel full for a longer period, and it is also a good source of manganese that speeds up your metabolism and makes you feel energetic and energetic, and here are more reasons to love blueberries: blueberries contain: On a compound that attacks cancer-causing free radicals, and studies have also shown that it helps to treat urinary tract infections, maintains skin radiance and freshness, and relieves the symptoms of aging related to memory loss.

Broccoli

Broccoli belongs to the carnivorous or cruciferous vegetable family, which is a great source of calcium and other cancer-fighting compounds, and also contains fiber for 30 calories per serving. If the broccoli feels bloated when you eat it, cooking it with steam first will make it easier to digest and will keep its cancer-fighting ingredients that can To lose it if boiled or cooked with a microwave.

Brown rice

These healthy grains are a great source of phytonutrients, which are associated with their ability to reduce the risk of cancer, diabetes and heart disease, and brown rice is also full of fibers, and contains 1.7 grams of starch-resistant starch, which is rich in low-energy foods (in other words, it makes you feel Satiety for a few calories), and if you have a sense of exploration try adding black rice to your shopping list instead of brown, as it contains more antioxidants compared to blueberries and a much greater percentage of vitamin E compared to brown rice.

Cabbage

Even though cabbage is rich in antioxidants and vitamin C, it contains a very low percentage of calories (only 22 calories per cup), do not think twice about filling your plate with this leafy vegetable.

You may have heard of the infamous cabbage soup diet, but it is not the only way to eat it, but there are several recipes for preparing cabbage that guarantees eliminating hunger, as it is delicious as an ingredient in many types of salads such as cabbage salad, and adds delicious crunches to stuffing burgers or tacos.

Carrots

Because carrots contain a high content of water and fiber, it increases your sense of satiety when consumed, and to increase its ability to burn calories. Try grilled carrots. In a study conducted by the University of Arkansas for Research, I found that roasted carrots contain three times the antioxidants that raw carrots contain. Here’s the useful information: Betacarotene in islands helps build a strong immune system, and it also strengthens eyesight.

Cauliflower

Cauliflower is one of the least vegetables that contain calories (only 25 calories per cup), but it is rich in fiber and useful nutritional values ​​such as potassium and vitamins C, K and B12. Cauliflower also belongs to the cruciferous vegetable family, as its broccoli relative can cause bloating, but cooking it with steam will facilitate its digestion. , Try cooking it with steam and then putting it in the blender to become a texture like mashed potatoes, or try adding it to soup or preparing rice with cauliflower by whisking its white flowers before cooking. Best Weight Loss Diets

Chia Seeds

Small chia seeds with great effect are a great source of basic nutritional values ​​such as omega-3, calcium, potassium and magnesium acids, and they contain a large amount of fiber and at the rate of four grams per spoon, so you will eliminate hunger once you add it to your favorite healthy food, these versatile seeds can be added to coffee Or mix it with the smoothie syrup or oatmeal, and also used to thicken the texture of some sweets, and you can even whisk it with citrus vinegar made on the hand, so SAS says: Because it turns into a gelatinous texture when absorbing water, it makes you feel more full.

Chili Pepper

The effect of hot peppers on the metabolism process is clear and tangible, as it contains a compound called capsaicin that increases your body’s ability to burn fat (at an additional 90 calories after a meal) and is also a good source of vitamin C.

“Hot peppers can be added to many dishes, such as omelets or frying pans, to salads, or sprinkled on tahini and sauces,” says Sass. “You can also mix a little hot pepper with dark chocolate liquid to decorate fruits with them.”

Coconut Oil

I pay special attention to what we will say about the importance of coconut oil: coconut oil can substitute butter and olive oil in all recipes from pastries to flavored salads, and can even replace milk in coffee. Faso is a fan of this heart-friendly oil that can be whipped with a smoothie drink It can also be included in sauces served alongside grilled vegetables and fish, and it can also be substituted as an alternative to olive oil in soups and cabbage salads (and you should add it to your beauty care routine, and make it a wonderful natural moisturizer for both skin and hair).

Fortunately, the famous coconut oil keeps you fit, because it is an abundant source of healthy fats, saturates you quickly and causes you to consume a small total number of calories. It also contains triple-medium triglycerides that are easy to digest and are quickly converted into energy.

What is your relationship with food?

Trigger Warning: If you are struggling with an ED or are navigating your own topsy turvy relationship with food, please contemplate whether or not reading my experience will be helpful or harmful to you in this moment. Much love.

What is your relationship with food? That’s the question that prompted me to start this blog. A person didn’t ask me this question, I saw it in some advertisement, I couldn’t tell you what it was selling. My eyes glazed over the ad bar at first but then as the words sunk in, I realized that my answer is lengthy. And incredibly complicated. When I read the question again, I recognized a pit in my stomach and felt compelled to get to the bottom of that discomfort. 

As many young women can probably relate, food is my frenemy. Can’t live with it, can’t live without it (literally!). Food means so many things... sustenance, community, comfort, creativity, an expression of love, to name a few friendly connotations. Food’s dark side can’t be overlooked, however: hunger, restriction, bingeing, purging numbing, isolating, addicting. I’ve experienced both faces of food. 

Over the years, I’ve tried improving my relationship with food but it remains thorny. External relationships are like mirrors into the internal emotional world. This blog is an attempt to reflect on my emotions as well as the ways in which they tie into my health habits. These habits have ebbed and flowed over the years but through reflection and acknowledgement of my ups and downs, I go forward seeking balance and self-compassion.

At an early age, I began associating my body image and weight with the food that I consumed. I started demonizing certain foods and becoming compulsive about what and how much I was eating. I checked my weight every single morning. That number dictated my entire day. A pound lost? Glorious! A pound gained? Failure. 

Eventually, I grew exhausted of such restriction. I wanted to break free. I was angry at the confinement and rigidity I had forced upon myself. Gradually, I would rebel against the hungry ache in my belly by gorging myself with as much food as I possibly could, reaching for any and everything in my field of vision. In the immediate aftermath, I would feel defeated and heavy with self-loathing.

I cycled through restriction and binge. A loop many struggle to break out of. My personal life has brought many blows and losses over recent years. Each one has come with a different phase of food. When I lost a loved one, I lost my appetite with her passing. Nothing was appealing. Yet, the weight I lost and the “ideal body” I attained were meaningless. 

During the processing of my grief, I reflected on my body image preoccupations and became disgusted with myself for being so obsessed with my external appearance. In the shadow of immense loss, I felt furious with myself for ever caring about such trivialities. So again, I rebelled and swung the other way: I ate until I could barely move. I stuffed all of the awful feelings and distracted myself with fleeting tastes. 

Beyond my eating habits, I just generally stopped taking care of myself. I stopped exercising, wearing makeup, shaving... my morning face washing became occasional as opposed to routine.** Subsequently, my body and mind reflected this lack of TLC. I gained 15 lbs thereby alienating my entire wardrobe, felt physically horrible--achey and lethargic, broke out in painful cystic acne all over my face, got rashes on my face and abdomen (probably from stress), and became increasingly emotionally distressed. My sleep was disturbed by my late night snacking, my self-esteem and confidence plummeted as my body felt unrecognizable, and as a result, I isolated myself and withdrew from social situations.

Some of these issues continue to linger but I have made progress. I see a therapist and I am working on my grief reaction as well as regulating my emotions. Due to an injury, I haven’t been able to use my typical stress-outlet of exercise. I go for slow walks and I’m trying to incorporate creative outlets like art. I am starting to meditate and doing my best to observe with non-judgment. Every single day, I try to approach situations with self-compassion and patience... exploring challenges with curiosity instead of criticism. 

All of these present a unique challenge. But, I realize I am planting the seeds. It will take me days, weeks and months of repetition before they feel natural and like necessary parts of my day.

While I am trying to incorporate healthy habits in various realms of my life, I still struggle to rein in my eating patterns. When I am stressed, I go straight for comfort food. It is my friend in loneliness and my mood lift in times of sadness. It is a crutch that lets me hide away and remain stuck. The deeper I dig myself into weight gain and just feeling YUCK (over-stuffed and groggy because of the heaps of sugary munching), the less I want to get out there and live my life to the fullest. My distracting relationship with food has taken away from the richness of life because of the things, the beauty I haven’t been able to focus on.

On this blog, as I work toward balance, I will be documenting my experience with food and my experience as I follow a regimen to lose weight in a healthy and sustainable manner. This weight loss is to return to my healthy, normal weight as an active young woman. I naturally have a small frame, as does each of my family members. Prior to my complicated voyage with food, I was innately lithe.

After my aforementioned mega-rebellion against all things material and self-care and consequently feeling awful, I believe I have more clearheadedness toward weight regulation. I seek to care about my appearance while not being all-consumed or vain. I aim to approach weight loss through health--nutritious foods and choices that make me feel good from the inside out--as opposed to a projected “ideal body” to “achieve.” I can confidently say that right now, at my current weight and soft edges, I love my body and my reflection in the mirror. It is curved, womanly and tender. That being said, loving my body does not mean that I cannot shift my shape and continue to love it as it evolves. 

I am not focused on the number on the scale but I will be using a scale to document my numerical relationship with gravity. In my experience, when I do not weigh myself, I easily become frustrated by what appears to be a lack of progress. Seeing weekly weight changes has been helpful to me in the past but I plan on being particularly careful that I stick to scheduled weigh-days as opposed to checking frequently which can become discouraging in its own way. Additionally, I will be using a rough calorie count each day. Again, without much structure, I find myself guesstimating, either over or under, and then getting frustrated by the lack of precision and throwing in the towel. My approach includes numerical data which can be helpful to some and harmful to others. This is what I believe works for me and I plan to adjust accordingly if needed. I will be sharing weight lost but not SW, GW.

(If anyone is reading this, lol) I welcome any accountability buddies but want to stress that this is not a blog to encourage unnecessary or unhealthy weight loss practices. If it hasn’t been made obvious, I in no way advocate for disordered eating habits... I have experienced both restrictive and bingeing sides of EDs and each has brought emotional and physical suffering. 

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk! Lol. Just wanted to get everything off my chest! I hope that sharing my personal story invites some connection out there in the worldwide web.

I am excited to get started. Day 1: Sept. 29, 2109, check!

**I don’t mean to suggest that having or not having these habits is inherently healthy/good or unhealthy/bad. All of these are personal choices and ideally, they should come from a place of self-love, not neglect as it was in my case.

so im fat and that was mostly due to poor diet as a kid that has just haunted me into my early adulthood but now ill usually have 1 meal a day its pretty 50/50 if its a healthy meal or not and their normal sized meals but my mom says having 2 meals a day is overeating. I usually ignored her but today i didnt eat anything at all then had a katsu bowl at around late afternoon then 5 hours later decided to make dinner and then my mom told me that thats overeating and now im worried is she right?

okay, so, I need to preceed this by saying that I’m not a professional in anything. Not a dietitian, not a doctor, no formal qualifications at all so do keep that in mind

that said…your mom is…really wrong. 1 meal a day is NOT the norm. 2 meals a day is DEFINITELY NOT overeating. I have no idea where she got that idea but that sounds like she herself may have a dysfunctional relationship with food.

When I saw a dietitian as part of my ED recovery process, she told me that the general advised frequency of meal is 3-5 (3 larger, 5 if they’re small. could also be 3 regular meals + 2 snacks). This is of course highly dependent on your own routine/what youre comfortable with & what you need. For example, my mom usually doesn’t breakfast because she’s not hungry in the mornings, but she eats normally around lunch and dinner and has a snack every now and then, so she’s doing fine. Meanwhile I try to eat breakfast every day because if I don’t I can’t focus in the morning and space out all the time.

What is and isn’t overeating is HIGHLY INDIVIDUAL. 

everyone has different needs when it comes to food. not everyone is hungry at the same time or to the same extent. it’s really not advisable to try and force a rule like that on anyone, and it’s irresponsible of your mom to put that kind of pressure on you. and 1 meal per day is DEFINITELY too little.

You need to find what is comfortable for you. That you ate because you were hungry is perfectly normal and even healthy. after all your body told you it needed fuel, thats what hunger cues are for. 

Don’t let anyone tell you how to eat, you need to figure that out for yourself. if someone tries, tell them to get lost. that’s my advice.

I hope this helps!

Dietician day four

The dietitian was super sweet as usual. I got there and was sitting down studying with my index cards and she came out and got me a few minutes early. She had me put my stuff down and was like perfect you brought your breakfast so she told me to put my stuff down and we would get a quick weight. So I went in the other room and she weighed me and asked how my week was and I said I was good and I asked how hers was and she said that she was good but she was having weird Texas stuff with emails where stripe which is what she uses for her notes and payment I guess was sending her things about not having the right tax ID so I said she should probably just check the IRS website and make sure they actually have it because she was like I don’t know if it’s legitimate or what so she said she was going to forward it to her husband and probably call the IRS like I suggested. I said yeah tax stuff is never fun I’m going to have to do that soon also. When we were done we had it back in the room and she asked me how I thought maybe eating and I said I think it had gone better than the last week and she agreed but she said that I lost weight again and we talked a little bit about the scale and if I’m weighing and she was like so you already know this and I said yeah and she asked about what my scale is reading or something and I said this morning it was 119 without clothes on and she said well then that makes sense because I had 120 and she said you’ve increased your food but you have continued to drop weight. I explained how seeing the 118 over the weekend was not exactly like scaring me and to get better but at the same time like a little sobering and thinking about how if I still feel fat at 1:18 then I am probably not seeing myself right because there’s just no way that at my height that would be a fat weight and so maybe I really do you have body dysmorphia like she had said last time. We talked about riding the wave Of the uncomfortable feelings around feeling too full and sick and avoiding purging when that happens. She asked me about the fall feeling and what about it makes it feel so uncomfortable and I said I just hate that feeling of being fat and she was like fat is not a feeling and I was like I mean sort of and she was like well what is the feeling underneath the fat and when I tried to think about it like honestly it was hard to do I really don’t know what that feeling would be and I was like he only thing I can think of is like maybe there’s a subconscious connection with all of my past memories in times where I saw kids get bullied for being fat or how my best friend Had come outside crying in fourth grade saying that her mom really wanted me and not her because I was good at school and sports and played the violin and really skinny and so I think there’s also that component of rejection that goes with it but then also there’s this sense of doing things the right way which I think it comes from my parents and I explained the memory with the milk in the pancake scenario and Peggy was super nice about it all explaining and saying how all these adults around he did things wrong and there was nothing wrong with me or my body or my hunger cues even though they made it seem that way. She said so you aren’t feeling fat you’re feeling bad about yourself. She asked me if I was hearing her and I was like yes I said I don’t always process things immediately but I often ruminate on them later and I said how do you know last week I really thought a lot about how she said it was a relapse and that honestly stressed me out a lot and she was like well part of my job is to be honest with you and I was like yeah and I mean I think that’s helpful because when Lynn says things like that I’m just like oh she doesn’t know eating disorder she has no reason to be worried because I feel like I’m close enough to a healthy weight which Peggy shook her head andI was like no definitely not and I was like but when you said I know that you know what you’re talking about and otherwise it’s just easy to minimize it and say that it’s just a lapse and she was like well it’s a very ongoing lapse which means it’s a relapse and I just Kinda didn’t say anything. She mentioned me sitting and eating disorder specialist is a part of my care and I was like basically now but I was like I just feel like they are going to just tell me to challenge the irrational thoughts which I know to do and I already know what CBT is it’s just a matter of applying and doing it anyway and she was like well sometimes they can help you understand a little bit more about where those feelings are coming from and addressing them and I didn’t say anything because I was thinking in my head that I already know where the stupid thoughts are coming from but it is what it is. She mentioned talking to Lynn about things and I was like I mean Lynne definitely asks if I’m eating and what not and she was like OK will that’s good but I explained that Lynne doesn’t really Know about eating disorders and where I was like you know how I said that you’re really nice and Peggy was like yeah and I was like well Lynn is caring but she’s definitely a bit more like a blunt kind of prove me wrong and eat something kind of person and she was like was that helpful and I was like no not at all because that just makes me want to shut down and not be motivated and not talk about it anymore and she was like oh OK yeah that works for some people but not others and I was like yeah so she’s helpful with other things but with food talk it just doesn’t really go over very well. She talked about how my believes around food or just messages from old memories that we can’t change but we can change our beliefs about those foods now and so for homework she wants me to write my mom a letter that I won’t actually give to her that will basically explore how she made me feel and how I would like her to treat me now and how I’m going to take care of myself despite what happened in the past and what steps I am taking to stay in recovery now. It sounds like a very challenging task but that is my homework. She wants me to continue following my meal plan and she talked about how I can’t just be increasing my fruits and vegetables I have to actually increase my carbohydrates to and that really I just need to be eating a lot more because I need to be gaining weight. She talked about Treatment and I was like yeah I know that’s not going to be an option and she was like well what do you mean that’s not an option and I was like like it’s not something that I’m going to do and she was like well I wouldn’t say never you know because if you don’t start putting on some weight it’s an option that we need to start discussing and she said that she believes that if I’m willing to do the work and sit through the uncomfortable feelings and increase my intake that I won’t have to go that route, but she was like it’s going to suck and it’s going to feel uncomfortable but it needs to happen and you know that and I know that and I was like yeah. She asked about times this week when I felt like I had done well and I said honestly with packing my lunch that one time because it was very much prepared and I had put in a lot of thought the night before to it. I told her about how I think that I realized just how difficult things have gone with flexibility around food and I explained how over the weekend I had prepared and I had to have those zucchini muffins with the perfect bar and strawberries but that after they didn’t have it at Walmart I freaked out and drove to Publix and they didn’t have it there and then I freaked out more and drove to food city and when I didn’t have it I started crying in the store and then had a huge meltdown and cried in the car. I told her a little bit about how my husband and my conversation went around food and what he asked about and what he knows. She asked about what I think I can do this week to help increase my meal intake and I asked her if I could actually have a blank copy of the meal plan exchanges so that the night before I could actually go through and plan when I’m eating and make sure that I’m meeting my exchanges and she was like well that’s actually a great idea and I was like thank you and she was like I can actually make you one for every day for this week and I said that would be great so that I don’t have to make copies at work. She said I need to be adding in those snacks and I was like oh my God but I already feel full from this breakfast that we just ate and she was like well you don’t have to eat it right this second but at 10 o’clock or 1030 and I was just thinking I will be with Lynn during that time so what the heck but I said that I would stop at Trader Joe’s And she said that was fine I could grab a bar or something which I ended up grabbing a stupid protein shake that wasn’t even good but it’s fine and she was like you know if you’re also struggling with actually eating you could also just add in some and sure or boost and I was like um no That actually stresses me out so much because I feel like it’s just filled with a bunch of chemicals and she was like that’s fine you can actually make your own if that feels better and I was like is it basically just almond milk remix and like protein powder then and she was like pretty much but you can add in nut butters and things like that and she said that I can Google how to make my own version and she was like I saw you made a smoothie the other day and I was like yeah but honestly it was just fruit and spinach and with ice cubes and water and she was like OK yeah I know that’s not the kind that I’m talking about because we need to be giving you a lot more than fruits and vegetables at this point. I said that I needed a very structured thing like the meal exchanges right now because I think if I’m just sort of left to figuring it out then I will just end up not really doing anything he said that was good that I was aware of that and willing to make that happen and she was like obviously that’s not our long-term goal but if for right now that’s what we need to do to get your way back up to healthy that’s fine. When I had mentioned about my husband being upset over me admitting that I having anxiety about eating and a lot of things are you and thinking about being above 132 she was like one day at a time let’s not be thinking about that because that’s a long way off from where you are right now and currently my goal is just to get you up to that 132 area because even that would be great we just need to see you get some nourishment back. I said OK. She said that she knows that I’m going to feel so much better when I’m actually eating again and wait restored and I was kind of just like ha ha maybe but I was like yeah honestly I know that I’m going to sleep a lot better because in recent weeks honestly it’s been harder to sleep and she was like how come and I was like I mean aside from food dreams just my knees I can’t sleep on my side anymore without putting a pillow between my knees because otherwise it hurts and then my hip bones hurt from laying on my side. She said she thinks in general as a whole everything’s gonna feel a lot better once I’m eating.She asked a series of questions about whether or not I was abusing laxatives diet pills chewing and spitting exercising all of the little things and then she asked about the scale and weighing myself in if that’s helpful or harmful and I said I think over the weekend it was helpful because it made me recognize that things are actually bad and honestly there when I think about gaining weight I’m not sure that it will be helpful to be weighing and seeing the number going up. She asked me to try to weigh once a week and I was like I mean I’m not going to commit to something that I know that I want to you and I know that I won’t just weigh myself once this week and she was like what about twice and I was like no and she was like three times and I was like I can try and she said OK andshe said something about eating as much as I need to because she was like if those hunger cues come up in your body wants more go for it and I was like so you me and then I can have more than 1 tablespoon of peanut butter in the morning and she was like are you kidding me absolutely and I was like OK good because honestly I was freaking out so bad about this breakfast and I only did the 1 tablespoon of peanut butter because the paper said one protein and two fat and she was like give me your paper back and she wrote th she asked a series of questions about whether or not I was abusing laxatives diet pills chewing and spitting exercising all of the little things and then she said something about eating as much as I need to because she was like if those hunger cues come up in your body wants more go for it and I was like so you me and then I can have more than 1 tablespoon of peanut butter in the morning and she was like are you kidding me absolutely and I was like OK good because honestly I was freaking out so bad about this breakfast and I only did the 1 tablespoon of peanut butter because the paper said one protein and two fat and she was like give me your paperback and she wrote 3 Proteins with breakfast and was like seriously eat as many proteins or as many starches or as much food as your body is wanting. She was like you’re going to be hungry and your body is going to want to eat a lot to make up for what it is missing and to repeat it self so you should be hungry. I think I just kind of awkwardly smiled and she was like OK I believe in you and you can do this and she was just super nice and pro recovery and I said OK and thanked her.

We all tried dieting before. Whether it was to lose weight, gain weight, live a healthier lifestyle, or try going vegan. A lot of the time it does not work. We have all been there before. When typing “What happens when” in google one of the suggestions was “What happens when you eat too much Takis.” We may find ourselves at the bottom of a freshly opened bag of Takis while engaged in a good movie. We often compulsively overeat until we are uncomfortable, and although thanksgiving may be an exception, it is not good to make a habit of stuffing our faces. Overeating in America is a huge issue. We all love food and a lot of us can't resist going up for seconds when something tastes so good. We don't always know that we ate too much until we need to unbutton the pants and slouch in our chair or take a nap because we ate too much. Let's not get to that point. We will address how to stop binge eating and change our eating habits with these tips. Let’s get to it. ALWAYS: Drink more Water I'm sure we all don't drink enough water. Water, when hungry, can make us feel better or a little satisfied almost instantly. It can fill our stomachs so we don't eat until we are uncomfortable. Drink more water because water has no calories. Drink water before and after each meal, too. It will make you start feeling full and help you to eat fewer calories. Water has so many benefits to our health that we don't take advantage of. Drink more water.There are so many more tips provided by healthline to help you cut calories. Click here to read more tips. Avoid having lots of snacks in the houseOftentimes we eat when we are bored or because it gives us joy and is convenient. Do you find yourself searching through the cabinets searching for snacks when you're bored? I do. Having snacks out of sight out of mind will keep you from eating a whole bag of Doritos, or candy. Eat your 3 meals a day and avoid snacking on junk food in the house. Trick your mindUsing smaller plates is a mind trick. When the plate is smaller you can fill it up with food and your mind will be more satisfied when you finish. With a larger plate, we still tend to fill the plate, continue to eat everything on it, and finish it whether we already satisfied our hunger or not. With a larger plate, we have larger portion sizes. Portion control takes discipline and knowing when to stop eating is hard without portions. Give yourself a smaller plate and save yourself from arguing with yourself about portion size. Buffets, BBQ’s, and Bday partiesLarge holiday gatherings usually involve appetizers, snacks, and a lot of food for dinner. Celebrations like a graduation or a retirement party are often catered with large amounts of food. We can't control ourselves at dinners with our extended family because your Italian aunt likes to cook and gets offended if you don't eat her food. I will usually only eat 1 cheeseburger each meal but at a summer BBQ, I am for sure having 3. We get carried away and we need to have a little more self-control. Try and make a plate with a little bit of everything you would like and then try to avoid coming up for seconds. Don't even get started with college dining halls, and Buffett restaurants. It is so easy to get carried away. It's hard to stay disciplined and we often find ourselves eating too much at these events. NOTICE: Be aware of eating disorders. Eating disorders include overeating. If you think this may be a concern for you, inform your doctor. There is a difference between binge eating vs overeating. Emotional eatingContinuous emotional eating can lead to health-related issues. We may get emotional from relationship conflicts, work stresses, fatigue, financial pressures, health issues, or just an overall bad day that may lead to emotional eating. Food only makes you feel better for a short time. Get a healthy snack instead. If you swap out those chips for some celery, you won't be tempted to eat that much. Temptation is the biggest issue so take temptation from the source. Avoid buying unhealthy snacks that are high in sugar and DO NOT go to the grocery store hungry. Avoid the snack aisle, avoid the ice cream aisle and stay away from the pre-made food section.

Holiday Heft: Thanksgiving

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I woke up Thanksgiving morning to find myself grinding my morning wood into my pillow on the verge of orgasm. This had become a fairly normal occurrence since I moved back home. I hadn’t gotten laid for almost three months. This was due to various reasons. Admittedly, I had been gaining a good deal of weight living with my family over the Holidays. A few days prior I weighed in at 177 pounds which was an all time high for me. I was living in denial of the weight gain, and kept telling myself that getting fat wasn’t as bad as relapsing. There was no question that food became my substitute for substances. Another contributing factor was that I was living a much more sedentary life. I had picked up writing again, which I stopped doing once I graduated college. Back in my days as a creative writing major, I would produce work while chain smoking and sipping whiskey; nowadays I kept a bag of chocolate chips and a glass of milk next to my computer. In fact, I was blowing through about a bag or two a week. That shit was better than crack. The bright side was that my writing had never been better. I was starting to feel like the person I had been before I started partying.

Needles to say, the changes in my appearance were becoming a bit noticeable. There was no doubt I was achieving dad bod status. My gut was spilling over the waist band of all my pants and I even had the soft curve of love handles developing. My thighs and ass thickened up a bit and a double chin became the bane of my existence. Every time I broke a sweat, which, admittedly wasn’t very often, the roll on my neck became sticky and claustrophobic. It was a constant reminder that my weight was snowballing. I also completely gave up on tanning and body grooming. I figured it was acceptable to be pale in the winter. I rarely shaved my face, maybe once a week if I could be bothered. My cheeks were almost constantly scruffy and unkempt. In addition, I had grown quite a bush above my cock, but who cared if I wasn’t getting laid?

I was becoming increasingly embarrassed of my rapid weight gain and even tried to hide it from my parents. All my tees had become pretty tight and accentuated the fact that I now wobbled when I walked. I began to exclusively wear sweatpants and sweatshirts to hide this fact. Plus, I rarely left the house and when I did it was usually to pick up food, so I didn’t see the point in squeezing into uncomfortable jeans that barely fit. In a further attempt to hide my unbridled gluttony, I would sneak to the trash can in the middle of the night to throw away the wad of fast food bags and candy wrappers that amassed each day. The only thing I couldn’t hide was this pesky double chin.

My cock was positively throbbing as it pressed into my pillow. I had to take care of it before I started my day. The problem was that my stomach was growling and I knew that my nut wouldn’t be satisfactory if I wasn’t at least partially satiated. I knew I had to have a snack somewhere in my room. Coincidentally enough, there was a half eaten king size Twix next to my bed. I shoved the rest in my mouth and went to town. It didn’t take long before my body was convulsing in the throws of orgasm, causing my the layer of fat over my body to wiggle like a jello mold. After I came I threw gulped down some chocolate chips and dozed off for a few minutes. When I awoke, cum was crusted into my body hair. I didn’t bother washing it off and threw on some sweats. I walked into the living room and my mom was already prepping for Thanksgiving dinner.

“Levi, I’m glad you’re up. Can you and Emily fetch a few things from the grocery store for me? Here’s a list.”

I grabbed the list and we headed out. On the drive Emily informed me that multiple guests would be joining us this year. Our parents had a friend coming over and Emily’s two friends were coming: Jeremy and Violeta. She informed me that Jeremy was a cute and single gay. I shrugged off her implications but was secretly filled with excitement at the prospect of getting laid. Hopefully he was a top because I needed some dick.

When we returned home I immediately began trying on outfits. If I wanted to get fucked I needed to look the part. I squeezed into the only pair of pants I thought would fit: black corduroys that barely buttoned. All of my button ups were obscenely tight. Sure, I could get them on, but it looked like I hadn’t gone shopping in twenty pounds— which was the truth. T-shirts were just as unbecoming. It’s not that I was even that fat, but my wardrobe consisted of clothes that were intended to be skin tight forty pounds ago. I went to Emily and asked for her advice. There was no way I could wear any of my clothes and I didn’t have time to go to the store.

“Wow big bro is really going through his second growth spurt huh?” She laughed. “I actually didn’t realize you were getting so puffy underneath those oversized hoodies.”

“I get it, I’m fat, now can you help me figure something out please? People are gonna be arriving in a couple hours and I wanna look decent.”

“Okay okay,” she giggled, “why don’t you just throw one of dad’s old sweaters over that button up?”

“Brilliant. Thank you!”

I ran off to my dads closet to rummage through his sweaters. There was no hiding my little spare tire, but I did find a sweater that cloaked it for the most part. The next two hours I spent nervously fussing over my appearance and refusing to eat. The not eating part was particularly difficult given all the delicious smells wafting about as well as the fact that snacking had become my new stress relief. I shaved my face to discover my double chin was bigger than I thought. Then I shaved my junk to realize that I had gained weight down there as well. I didn’t even know that your pubic area could get fat, but there was no arguing the appearance of a noticeable bit of padding above my cock. My self esteem was dwindling and I began to lose hope I would ever have sex again. I poured a glass of eggnog to calm my nerves.

All of the guests arrived early, so we broke out the spiked cider and had an impromptu mixer while my parents toiled away in the kitchen. I stuck to my eggnog. Jeremy arrived and was unexpectedly attractive. I was intimidated. Back when I was in peak form, I would’ve been all over him. Jeremy was a bit taller than me, maybe six foot? He was slim with broad shoulders and a chiseled jaw that was covered in the perfect amount of dark brown scruff. His hair was a mop of curls. Although he was a bit more pale than what I usually go for, these were desperate times. Plus, despite his slender frame, he appeared well endowed in all arenas. That is, he had both a bubble butt and a healthy bulge between his legs.

We got to chatting and I was pleasantly surprised to find he was quite flirtatious. However, I couldn’t discern whether he was a top or bottom. You see, I was a strict bottom and there was no way that was ever going to change. Regardless of his preference, I figured there was no harm in flirting.

After about 45 minutes of endless chatter, we ended up getting to know each other fairly well. By the time dinner was served, I was delirious with hunger, for food and for Jeremy. I was becoming increasingly forward with him and my advances were well received. Jeremy touched my arm multiple times and even called me “cute” after I made a self deprecating joke about my weight. When he sat down next to me for dinner, I knew I’d be able to seal the deal.

The problem was that I was absolutely starving, but didn’t want to pig out in front of this cutie. My first plate of food was decidedly sparse. I ate slowly while making conversation with Jeremy, but couldn’t deny the ache in my stomach for more food. I paced myself with the rest of the table and held back when everyone went in for seconds.

“Don’t tell me you’re full already?” Said Jeremy.

I was taken a back and fumbled for words, “I uh um, yeah, I’m uh tryna cut back.”

“Aw c’mon it’s Thanksgiving,” Jeremy responded before placing his hand on my thigh and whispering, “Plus, I like a man who can eat.”

His hand gently traced the inside seam of my pants and up to my crotch. I didn’t know what was happening but I knew that it felt good. Without thinking, I piled my plate high with food and poured Jeremy a healthy glass of red wine.

“That’s more like it,” winked the cute twink.

Something clicked inside of me after that. It was as though my brain had acquiesced to the physical pleasures I was experiencing. The sensations of delicious foods in my mouth and the supple hand massaging my cock was all that I cared about. It was a strange sort of ecstasy that left me hungry for more than just food; I wanted Jeremy’s ass on my lips too. Before I knew it dinner was coming to a close, several slices of pie were packed in my belly, and me and Jeremy were going for a walk.

“Fuck, I’m so full I can’t believe I’m actually moving right now,” I complained.

“Well if you want, we could go for a cruise in my car instead?” Suggested Jeremy.

We got into Jeremy’s small SUV and drove to a look out spot nearby. I craved his body immensely and within minutes I was cupping his sharp jawbone to pull him in for a kiss. His kissed me softly and placed one hand on my swollen midsection. As we began to make out our hands slid into each other’s shirts. He immediately grabbed my love handle with a strong grip. Strangely, instead of shrinking from embarrassment I felt even bolder. I lifted him up a bit and slid my hand into his pants to grab a meaty handful of ass. He let out a slight moan and suggested we move to the backseat.

We crawled back and removed our pants. I placed Jeremy on his back, lubed up my hole with spit and mounted his cock. I bounced twice on his girthy member and felt the food inside my distended stomach slosh around. The sensation was very uncomfortable and gave way to a stomach ache. Jeremy responded by flipping me onto my back. My dick pressed into my belly, leaving an indentation in the pool of flab. Jeremy took my cock in his mouth and pushed back my fat, squeezing it with both hands.

“I know what you want, daddy,” he said.

Jeremy sat up and began to slide my cock into his ass. This was exactly what I wanted. I’d never wanted to fuck someone like this before. I wanted to blast this twink’s hole full of my jizz. He began to bounce on my cock as I gripped his bubble butt and he gripped my paunch. Our pace began to quicken and I began to slam his ass onto me. The car windows steamed over as Jeremy moaned uncontrollably.

“Fuck me. Fuck me daddy.”

Every time he said daddy I pushed my cock in as deep as it would go. I was getting so worked up that I began doing all the work. Jeremy clung to my body with his face in my chubby neck while I pounded away at his hole. Our bodies were covered in sweat, and his bony form sunk into my softness. He grinded his huge cock into my belly as I blasted his hole. His body began tensed as I hit his G-spot and I knew an orgasm was imminent.

“Fuck!” He yelled. “Come in me you fat fuck!”

I could feel his cock begin to pump out semen in between our writhing bodies. I couldn’t take it any longer and also began to nut inside him. My orgasm seemed to last forever as my vision went blurry.

Glued together with come and sweat, we laid motionless and caught our breath for several minutes.

“That’s was great,” said Jeremy. “I haven’t been fucked like that in a long time.”

“That’s funny because I’m a bottom. This was only my second time topping.”

“No way. A hot dad like you should be plowing boys left and right.”

“I mean, I know I’ve plumped up a bit but I’ve never really thought of myself as the dad-type.”

“Honey,” Jeremy place a hand on my stomach and gave it a jiggle, “with these curves and this body hair... you’re at peak dadness. You should embrace it. All the boys are chasing dadbods now.”

“Is that so?” I replied.

Intermittent fasting – official 1 week recap

What I did and why: I’ve been experimenting with intermittent fasting on a 16/8 schedule this past week. I’ve been intrigued by the idea for quite some time because of the supposed benefits – better concentration, better sleep, fat loss without losing muscle. Plus, for someone like me, who is pretty much always thinking about food and religiously has not left the house without breakfast, ever, it seemed like a really exciting challenge.

What I ate and when: I had unsweetened tea in the morning, took a jar of overnight oats to work and just shifted my breakfast to coffee break at 10. Then I had two little snacks around 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. – I tried to get my fruits and veggies in during those but that was probably the toughest part because a) I was not actually hungry and b) I was reluctant to “waste” precious eating time and stomach space for low calorie foods. I had dinner – the biggest meal of the day, with lots of protein – until 6 p.m., which was my cutoff time. From then until bed I only had more tea.

What I liked:

It’s not as hard as I thought! In fact, eating nothing for 16 hours is much easier than eating a little bit (because insulin response, hunger hormones etc.).

More free time! The biggest surprise was how freeing it felt in terms of scheduling. I hate getting up early and often work pretty late, so not having to plan for cooking and eating before and after work was heavenly!

No stress about calories! With a limited time window, I was always on the low end of my suggested caloric intake. So I felt like it was actually ok to have big portions, seconds, snacks and sweets and give zero fucks about it.

Weight maintained! I did not go into this wanting to lose total pounds (maybe some body fat if that actually works). After a week, my weight was 1lb down – though that is within the range of normal daily fluctuation – and I think my belly looks less bloated, which is nice. I don’t think I lost muscle mass, which is good!

Some struggles I faced:

Hungry nights! I feel like IF is not made for night owls like me. The hunger was actually ok and my energy levels felt mostly normal – up until 10 p.m. or so. Now, a reasonable person would just go to bed and sleep through the not-eating. But I was not tired until midnight, so I often stayed up hungry and cranky and had trouble falling asleep because my stomach war growling.

Pizza temptation! During the week, I really made an effort to eat enough and relatively healthy food. Once or twice I gave in to cravings for something quick and trashy (read: pizza) – and paid for it by getting really hungry again after an hour (damn you, white carbs!).

Workouts and “cheating”! I tried not to be pedantic about my schedule when I felt it was for my own safety to shift my eating time. So I broke my fast earlier than planned on two occasions I really did not want to face on an empty stomach – before my weekly circuit training (even though technically you are supposed to work out fasted, but I didn’t want to pass out) and before giving a talk at a conference. During the workout I still felt a bit light-headed and it made me super sore for days afterwards. If that had more to do with fasting or with that fact that we did 100 (!!) kettlebell thrusters, I can’t say.

Bathroom time! So, when you fill up on fluids, you will pee a lot. Like, constantly. Combine that with the mother of all sore quads and you will be crying when you get on and off the toilet every 30 minutes. Also, when you shift the time food goes in, you also shift the time food goes out, so prepare for some inconvenient poops.

What now? I wanted to give it a week, but I feel like I need more time to figure out whether this is for me. I want to try keeping it up – though not as rigorously. And even if I quit fasting, I want to stick to breakfast at work, because I really enjoy those extra 20 minutes of sleep in the morning!