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sxtaep · 2 years

Text

ONE LAST TIME - KTH

↬ after being left alone for a month by your supposed ‘boyfriend,’ you give up on waiting around for him. desperate for an output, you hit up a random guy from the club, completely unaware that your ‘boyfriend’ was making a return.

pairing — taehyung x female reader

genre — angst, smut

word count —

warnings/tags — *please take into consideration that this may make some people uncomfortable and perceive this piece in a negative light, though this is not my intention. please do not read if you are uncomfortable* breakup!au, cheating!au, dom!tae, sub!reader, swearing, reader cheats, explicit smut, choking, manhandling-ish, grinding, dirty talk, degradation, crying, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, guys), penetrative sex, angry fucking, IT’S ALL CONSENSUAL!

paired with this edit

a/n: reposting with the relevant warnings, hope you guys enjoy

“You have no fucking right to be crying! I’m the one that got cheated on!”

Taehyung’s outburst only made your tears fall more. Why were you crying? You took it upon yourself to cheat.

At the time, you had every right to believe you’d broken up. Taehyung started distancing himself a lot more, less frequent calls and texts were being exchanged and one day he just.. disappeared for at least a month without saying a word.

But the words ‘Let’s break up,’ and ‘I don’t love you anymore,’ were never said, so who’s to say that you both split up?

The lack of intimacy and romance in your life was a dry spell after Taehyung ‘left’. You saw no harm in going to a party to try and find an output for your needs. It wasn’t like your so-called boyfriend would suddenly turn up at your apartment to talk.

Except he did turn up.

He turned up an hour after you’d done the deed with this stranger, and when Taehyung spotted you in bed with him, he was enraged.

You couldn’t stop him from dragging the stranger out of the apartment, throwing a couple punches here and there and for a minute, you thought you were next.

But Taehyung could never hurt you.

Not like that at least.

He had far too much love for you to hurt you in any way, but he was hurting a lot. Seeing your girlfriend in bed with a complete nobody was a sight no person should ever have to witness.

He had to do something. He wanted to hurt you. Simply screaming in your face wouldn’t cut it for him.

Taehyung comes storming back into your room, slamming the door shut behind him as he approached your naked form hidden under the covers. “So you thought letting another guy stick his dick inside of you would solve all your problems?”

The absolute audacity he had to bring in your problems when he ghosted you for a whole month.

“My problems?! What, did you think running away for a whole month would solve all of yours?! How dare you!”

Taehyung disappeared for no reason. He just felt like he needed some time to myself and that was all, and he knew it was his fault for not telling you, but just the words, ‘I need to be alone,’ could rock up a whole other meaning in your head.

He had no intention to break up with you.

“It solved all my fucking problems! But coming back here, it seems like you were the problem!”

Your heart feels heavy and you hate how easily you could tear up, showcasing your vulnerability.

“Get out,” your voice breaks, clutching your sheets towards your chests Exuding weakness was not a good look on you, but for some reason, hurting you with his words was somewhat satisfactory for his anger.

Taehyung was asking himself, ‘who’s feelings should come first?’

Yours, or his own?

He was tired of being nice all the time, tired of showing you nothing but utmost love and support, and you chose to cheat on him after experiencing just one ounce of loneliness?

The man scoffs, “This is my apartment, my name is on the lease.”

Right, you moved into his apartment.

“Fine. I’ll fucking leave,” you grit, climbing out of bed and keeping the covers as close to you as possible as you grabbed your clothes from earlier that night, huffing and puffing and walking towards the bedroom door.

Tensions were at an all time high and you wanted nothing more than to get out of that bedroom and away from his presence. Inconveniently, Taehyung was standing in the way of the door and it looked like he had no intention to budge.

You stay silent, waiting to see if he’d move, but after waiting a good ten seconds, he was still stuck in that same position, so you took it upon yourself to budge past him, bumping shoulders (with as much force as you could muster) and that seemed to tip him off in the wrong way.

Before you could even blink, Taehyung was seizing at your wrist, his free hand wrapping around your throat and shoving you up against the wooden door, catching you by surprise and you hadn’t noticed the covers fall loose around your body.

His eyes were peering down at you, his chest tinging at the sight of you struggling in his hold and he didn’t plan on letting go. The incessant smell of the other man’s cologne was still exuding from your body and wafting right under his nose, and he hated it.

“Let go of me,” you manage to say, setting your palm on top of his hand and tugging at him to let go, but he was far more stronger than you and his grip only seemed to tighten.

Taehyung leans in closer and closer, so close you could see the veins in his neck pulsating and he scoffs, “So you’re not gonna bother to apologise before you leave?” he questions, his eyes briefly trailing down to your clavicles, taking notice of the God-awful marks that stranger left on you, and you could’ve sworn you felt his fingernails dig into your skin a little harder, making you wince.

“Fuck you, I’m not apologising for shit!” You’re pulling yourself off the door, struggling to escape the confines of his body, but he quickly wedges his knee between your legs, the rough material of his pants making contact with your bare cunt, still sensitive from prior use.

The reaction you let out was one Taehyung wasn’t expecting. In fact, he had no desire to phase you in that way, but when he spotted your eyes lull back the slightest and felt you gulp against his palm, he was suddenly rethinking his intentions.

“Wow, you really can’t get enough, can you?” Now he’s shoving his knee harder against you, keeping your poor cunt firm above his knee, ensuring you had no options to try and escape.

You felt so.. defenceless right now. He was barely touching you and you were already crumbling.

“Was he good? Did he manage to fill the void of loneliness you were feeling?”

You hadn’t received any sort of intimate treatment from him in almost a month, and you hated the fact that the stranger you slept with was nothing compared to Taehyung.

“Of course he didn’t, he was only there to fill your desperate hole,” he taunts, releasing your throat and turning you around, front first against the door and tits pressed up against the hardwood.

Taehyung leans in towards your ear, his lips briefly brushing over the side of your neck, “Tell me you don’t want me. Tell me you don’t want me to fuck you one last time before you’re out of here..” he inhales sharply, the unfamiliar scent of men’s cologne driving him up the wall.

You wanted to stand your ground; tell him that you wanted nothing more to do with him and simply walk out of the apartment, but deep down you both knew you’d never say no to a good fuck.

Especially from him.

“One last time…” you whimper, pushing your ass further against him as he blatantly watched you rule him up, and it was working. The blood was rushing to his cock within seconds and he wasted no time in yanking off his pants.

A part of him wanted to savour this moment and take his time with you, but the other just wanted to relieve himself of his anger before he kicked you out.

Which one was it gonna be?

Taehyung was stepping all over the covers that had pooled around your ankles, using his knee to shove your legs apart as he held his cock heavy in his hand, guiding his throbbing red tip between your legs and hissing the moment your warmth made contact with him.

“Fucking whore,” he spits, slipping inside you with ease because let’s be honest, it wouldn’t be hard to fuck someone who’d already been fucked once before.

His thrusts were slick and fast, a lot different than the guy before, but it felt right. What were you even thinking, sleeping with another man? Every ounce of anger, every ounce of hurt could be felt with each of his thrusts, but you loved it.

You loved him.

“One last fuck won’t solve all your problems, Y/N,” he seethes, gripping tightly at your hips to keep you from fidgeting as he submerged himself deeper, completely bottoming out when he felt he couldn’t go any further.

You were losing yourself; crying and whining against the door as he stretched you out, basking in the bitter pleasure.

“Stop fucking crying.”

You couldn’t help how sensitive you were, shuddering at any subtle touches he would leave against your swollen clit.

Taehyung’s hips would turn feral; visibly slamming into you with so much force, you were moaning from the top of your lungs, but he quickly threw his palm over your mouth, not in the mood to attract any unwanted attention from his neighbours.

“If I wanted to hear a cock hungry slut, I would’ve gone to the club. Stay quiet,” he shoves two fingers into your mouth, watching you salivate all over his digits as you cried.

The skin of your ass was outwardly red and you wouldn’t be surprised if you couldn’t sit right after this, but that was the least of your worries.

“Yes— keep pushing yourself against me,” he breathes out, feeling your walls grip around the base of his cock, almost unwilling to let go.

He was unwilling to let go.

“Fuck, I felt that.. Tell me, did he finish inside?”

You don’t respond, too busy getting the life fucked out of you to give him a definitive answer.

“I said..” Taehyung’s hands leave your hips, gently grabbing a fistful of your hair only to yank your head back against his shoulder, “…Did he finish inside of you?”

“No— God, no, never..” you choke out, tears streaming down your cheeks once again. Taehyung was filled with pride hearing your answer, letting go of your head to fall limp over his shoulder.

“Of course he didn’t, you were still thinking about me when you were with him, weren’t you?

Taehyung knew you too well, but he couldn’t go on. You were absolutely addictive, and it suddenly occurred to him that if he continued, he wouldn’t be able to let you go.

He stills his movements, standing there with his chest pressed against your back, breathing heavily. Taehyung tipped his forehead forward to rest in the slope of your shoulder, taking a moment to himself.

“Huh?” Your tears were still spilling down your cheeks as you looked back at him, slightly confused at what he was up to.

“I can’t do this to you..” he whispers, placing an unsullied kiss to your shoulder and pulling away, his cock seamlessly slipping out of you and tucking himself back into his pants.

“Taehyung—”

“—Don’t… say anything.”

He takes a seat at the edge of the bed, pinching the bridge of his nose, clearly in a predicament.

“Y/N..” he calls out to you, looking up to see you picking up the covers from the floor and adjusting them around your body as necessary.

“Taehyung, you didn’t even give us a chance to talk this all out,” you try to reason with him, approaching him on the bed but he extends his arm out to stop you.

“I don’t think there’s a viable reason for anyone to cheat on their partner.”

It sounded like he was about to lecture you, but all you could think about was how this wasn’t entirely your fault.

“I admit, I shouldn’t have disappeared for so long, I should’ve said something, but I just… couldn’t.” That wasn’t a good enough reason for you, and this conversation looked like it wasn’t going anywhere useful, so you decided to stay quiet.

Taehyung extended his arm towards the bedroom door, turning away from you.

“Please, just leave while you still can.”

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youryanderedaddy · 3 years

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I like your posts, it's always cool. May i ask a yandere concept between an innocent, protected princess and a prince who obsessed with her from the first time they met, and force against her will. Thanks so much, love your writing :3

Thanks, anon, that means a lot <3 If you haven't noticed, I am oBseSSed with royalty stuff so I rlly enjoyed writing this. It's slightly different tho, but the idea is there.

Title: We all fall down

tw: female reader, non - consensual touching, obsessive behavior, coercion, implied forced marriage, war mention, abuse of power

It was cold when you woke up, terribly so. The room was spacious enough, there was bright sunlight coming from all four windows on each wall and you were sure that your sheets were warm and puffy even without looking down at them, yet it still felt freezing. You soon realized the place wasn’t simply cold, it was different too. It looked nothing like your own room back at the Southern Palace with its countless colourful pictures, books shattered all over the ground and a fireplace just across the queen – sized bed. Before you had a chance to sigh in annoyance, a quick glance to the other side reminded you of the bigger problem. Him.

“Good morning, princess.” The man greeted you cheerfully, his voice still deep and husky from the early hour. He was laying against the wooden doorframe, the sly smirk you had grown to hate over the years once again adorning his red lips. You stared at him for a moment, then rubbed your eyes to chase the fatigue away, fruitlessly so. You were too tired and sleep – deprived to play – pretend, which of course didn’t go unnoticed by the nobleman.

“You don’t look too well, princess.” He teased with a cheeky grin and walked towards the bed, stopping just before his legs hit the edge of the frame. You puffed softly, but remained quiet just so you wouldn’t have to answer him just yet. “And look at your state, darling…” The heir continued, clicking his tongue in a mocking “tsk, tsk,tsk”. “Your nightgown is a mess, I can see all of your beautiful curves.” The heir paused to lick his lips in a disgusting, suggestive way, and you had to repress the need to vomit all over the beautiful yellow sheets. “In our kingdom such appearance counts as an invitation, did you know that?” He added, smiling sharply, like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, satisfied at the way his words made you embarrassed, flustered and jumpy so early in the morning.

“Your Highness, I would like to properly remind you that it was you who forced me to drink and dance all night.” You responded heatedly, all while fixing the straps of your silky dress to at least cover your cleavage. “You wouldn’t let go of my hand for a second. It’s your fault that I look like this.” You remarked, slightly offended by the man’s jokes, despite being used to his terrible humor after all those long years of shared parties and celebrations.

“If that is really so, my lady, please let me make it up to you.” The prince replied in the same smooth, carefree voice of his, the one he used before while talking to the maids and the peasant girls he wanted to bed. It made you sick to think of yourself as just another of his conquests, even though it couldn’t be further from the truth – you couldn’t stand the dark – haired male, his arrogance and absolute ignorance. “Join me for breakfast and I shall have our best cook serve your favorite meal.” The heir announced and winked at you before turning on his heels and finally leaving the room without hearing whether you agreed to his offer or not. You didn’t even have the chance to ask him how he knew what your favorite dish was or why he entered your room without permission, such a lack of manners was unsuited for a soon-to-be king. Perhaps you could use his inconsiderate behavior as an excuse to stay in bed until lunch but deep down you knew it was pointless. The egotistic little bastard knew you had no choice since you two had a lot to discuss.

---

The breakfast, if not anything else, was rich and delicious, each bite tasty and mouth – watering. The sweet aroma of cinnamon tea, vanilla and powdered sugar filled your senses with ease and a little bit of nostalgia for your childhood. The hardest part was yet to come, you wanted to deal with it fast and go home as soon as possible. As for Arthur, it was the first time you saw him serious with his brows arched and his thoughts all over the place. The uneasiness came back with full force.

“I think you know what we want, princess.” The male declared sternly after looking at the map for a while. His eyes were blue and clear, piercing in the way they were focused on you and you alone with no one else in the hall to act as a barrier between you and the monster. You understood why it had to be only you two, but these deals were always an open secret in both kingdoms, so there weren’t many reasons to keep the tradition going. “We want our territory back. We want you to surrender.” The heir hissed eerily under his breath, his pupils fixed on your frame, burning the skin underneath the thick layer of rough fabric.

You didn’t know how to respond to this – the dynasty’s requests had always been ridiculous and far – fetched, but never as impossible as this one. Yes, your land used to belong to the East centuries ago, but after several long, bloody, sacrificial wars where many of your men lost their lives, it was won fair and square. Now all your subjects lived there happily and freely, rightfully so.

“Your Majesty, please don’t dwell on the past. It will never come back.” You responded shortly after, laughing nervously at the end, hoping that would be enough for Arthur to drop the subject. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case.

“Is that so, dearest? You have two weeks then.” The prince said coldly, narrowing his eyes like a fox. You opened your mouth to speak but quickly got cut off. “Prepare your troops, train the soldiers, announce the incoming war to your people.” The man chuckled darkly and threw the map all the way across the room. “You better get ready for a thunderstorm.” He added just to mess with you some more, just to see your face turn white from the shock and the panic.

“You can’t do that!” You shouted out suddenly and stood up from your chair, feeling cornered and suffocated. You hated the prince’s constant teasing and flirty remarks but you would have never guess him to be a cold-blooded conqueror. “This is too cruel even for you!” You screamed, the tears already blooming down your cheeks, hot and wet. Arthur spared you one condescending look before moving closer and trapping your body against the table, towering over you both physically and metaphorically, as if saying “Let’s see who has the stronger mind.”

“I will get what I want no matter the cost and there is little you can do to stop me, princess.” The heir pronounced slowly, tilting your chin up so you had no choice but to meet his hard gaze, full of intense yet unreadable emotion. There was nothing left of the sly cheerful boy standing against your doorframe, teasing you about meaningless little things, and you almost missed him now. “But what you can do is stop the needless violence and bloodshed, Y/N.” You despised the way your eyes lit up at his words, but, as always, your duty was above your comfort and happiness. “What can I do?” You uttered quietly, a part of you too scared to hear the answer, the other anticipating it.

“Marry me.” The prince stated in a deep patronizing voice. His eyes were dark and sharp, just like before, and there wasn’t a trace of his usual gleeful smile. He grabbed your wrists in a painful grip and pulled them up, holding them against his broad shoulders. “We can unite the kingdoms and live our Happily Ever After. No one has to die.” The man whispered surprisingly softly, his chest heaving with each passing breath. “I can make you happy, dearest.”

You gasped in shock as soon as the proposal left his lips. Every fiber in your body was frozen still, your whole being shaken up by the unexpected offer.

“Why do you want to marry me?” You asked frantically, squirming to loosen up his grasp on your hands just to feel it tighten up even more. This was going to bruise for sure. “Isn’t it obvious?” The noble exhaled slowly, staring at you, trying desperately to find the compassion and affection he hoped you had grown to hold for him over the years. His heart broke once he realized there wasn’t any, but it didn’t matter. Feelings could change in a matter of minutes.

“I’ve loved you since day one, my princess.” His attention drifted to your open mouth, especially your soft full lips. Oh, how much he dreamt of taking you and relishing in the whines and moans you would surely let out once he decided to claim you as his own. “All I’ve ever wanted is you.” The heir confessed, his face moving closer and closer to your own, forcing you to arch your back more and more until it hit the table. Before you knew it, he was pinning you to the hard wooden surface, caging you in, kissing you violently, furiously. You couldn’t breathe.

You couldn’t say no.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere oc #yandere male x reader #yandere oc x reader #yancore #yandere oneshot #male yandere x reader #yandere smut #yandere x you #yandere concept

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backtoyuta · 3 years

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NCT 127: at a frat party

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❁ [Taeil] Introverted confidant; Taeil is the guy you go to to seek solace in when you're not really feeling the vibe. Maybe the music sucked, the drinks weren't having an effect on you or it was too rowdy, whatever the problem was you could always sneak away or locate him somewhere a little quieter and just observe the mess from a distance. He'll laugh appreciatively if you took the initiative to sneak some snacks or drinks laid out and ruffle you hair playfully to thank you, making astute remarks about how drunk his friends are and groan about how he'll probably have to carry one of them home later. It's likely that you'll both be stuck with the task of making sure everyone gets home safe, shove bread in someone's mouth in hopes of it helping somehow even if you're not totally sober yourself. Maybe he gets really into the party once in a while, and when he does he benignly encourages you to let loose yourself and join in the fun, however it's almost always a guarantee that you'll end up taking a breather from the noise together in the garden, the part of the living room that isn't occupied, in desperate situations a random storage cupboard (Everybody got the wrong idea with that one) (No, you never quite lived it down). It's a nice feeling to see his expression perk when he finally sees you, the quick hug you always exchange, the knowing glances when your social batteries are already dying and its time to dip.

❁ [Johnny] Life of the party; Being the extroverted king he is, Johnny is the guy you might end up holding onto his sleeve for most of the night, figuratively. The guy that knows everyone, he'll happily adopt you if you look like you feel out of your depth and kindly make you a drink and usher you towards a group to try and let loose. Being with Johnny means a lot of attention, being introduced to people here and there and him playfully picking on you during drinking games, volunteering to make a fool of himself when someone dares you to do something a little too outrageous. Johnny is the comfort you need whilst simultaneously the reason for your death because drunk Johnny means a lot of shameless flirting and eye contact from across the kitchen counter, as well as keeping you close to his side and out of reach when someone else tries the same thing on you. At some heinous hour in the morning the rooms are considerably emptier, discarded cups everywhere and chiller music is humming from the bluetooth speakers, you could kid yourself that it was just you two even though you're sitting in a pool of people. His arm swung casually around your shoulders, "Did you have a good time?" Falling from his mouth slightly slurred and giving you an affectionate squeeze and a lazy kiss to the top of your head when you nod your head yes.

❁ [Taeyong] Hangover mum no. 1; We all know Taeyong has his maternal vibe going on, but lest we forget he too is a guy in his mid twenties looking for a good time. That being said, he wasn't surprised when Johnny dropped you off to his charge, the smell of alcohol radiating off of you, your appearance looking a lot more fragile from what he remembered when you first arrived that evening. He was incredibly patient, letting you rest in his bedroom while you sipped your water, salty pretzels at the ready for when you got the munchies and if disaster struck, he didn't judge when he pushed your hair back for a tactical chunder. He would assure you that you weren't keeping him from his friends when it had been a little while, and would keep a close eye on you when you rejoin the group, just a cup of lemonade in your grasp as a means of preventing a relapse. He's the guy that doesn't pressure you to join during drinking games, is perfectly content to give you his hoodie and let you sidle up to him as means of comfort and just observe everyone else admitting to disgusting truths during Never Have I Ever. At the end of the night he walks to your pace, will listen and hum attentively at any drunken musings that fall out of your mouth he knows you'll regret telling him tomorrow.

❁ [Yuta] King of the drinking games; Yuta isn't the type to shy away from a good time, and he's always front and centre when it comes to lowkey humiliating himself in Ring of Fire, truth or dare, or any of the classics. His confidence outweighs the most disgusting things he's admitted to doing, the embarrassment of what someone dared him to do and you've never seen someone chug a drink with so much gusto. Always manages to come up with the most evil questions, hitting right where it hurts and you dread when his turn rolls around again and his gaze lands on you. He's impressed when you take up his dares with dignity, or admit shamelessly to any hidden tattoos or piercings. If you caught his interest, will switch on the scorpio and keep his gaze trained on you for the rest of the night, will try and pry any information out of you by keeping you included in conversations and will 100% invite you to his room when the party is over. His demeanour reads as chaotic, he thrives being around his friends, but you somehow manage to unlock that calmer more intuitive part of him when he catches you outside the bathroom to check that he didn't go too far during one of the infamous games being played in the living room.

❁ [Doyoung] Hangover mum no.2; We've all seen the sweet and caring side of Doyoung jump out before, so if you're on your merry way towards being wasted he can't help but intervene to make sure you're ok. Don't be fooled though, he doesn't really have the patience of Taeyong, so expect a whole lotta tough love. He won't hesitate to flick you on the forehead when you get a little too in his face, though he deliberately doesn't do it too hard. Inadvertently gives off the impression that you're a nuisance as he scoffs and sighs at you weeping over a packet of crisps, has to later make a point of assuring you that "you're fine, you should just know better". There's an air of fondness that lingers when you settle down a bit and start to enjoy yourself at a more acceptable level of tipsiness and he insists that he walks you home. "Begrudgingly" hands over his jacket when you complain about being cold even though that was his plan all along, and takes mental notes of all the ridiculous drunken comments you make so he can torment you with them later.

❁ [Jaehyun] The guy who may or may not be responsible for your death; One thing about Jaehyun, he's the guy who's terrible at mixing drinks. Don't look at Johnny, he won't help you, when you asked for sex on the beach expect anal on the rocks because Jaehyun knows jack shit about ratio of alcohol to mixer. Don't worry too much, as much as it's his fault for accidentally getting you trashed, he takes as much responsibility for looking after you and making sure you have a good time. Lowkey turns into a frat boy cliche, the hat is on backwards and he's already tugging your arm to coerce you into being his partner for beer pong. He drinks most of the cups whenever you lose to make up for the terrifying concoctions he had you drink earlier and celebrates over excessively when you win by wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and lifting you in to the air slightly. His harmless nice chad vibes make for good company and there's the tingly feeling of chemistry when he laughs loudly at your jokes, eyes turning into little crescents and dimples popping, he watches proudly and thinks "that's my girl" when you make all his friends laugh with you.

❁ [Jungwoo] Level 300 clinger; whether you're moving between groups, leaving to get more food, or shifting to get a better view of the beer pong table, Jungwoo will find a way to squeeze in next to you some way some how. You can always feel an arm ghosting around your waist or around your shoulders, or hear his giggle right there beside your ear. After spending so much time on your feet, you both eventually flop on the sofa, a tangled mess of limbs whilst you try and catch your breath. People keep asking if you're together because of the excessive physical contact, and you hate how he thrives at you scrambling awkwardly for an answer to convey that wasn't the case while he just smiles innocently, making no effort to debunk the comments. There's a high chance that if either of you end up staying over in the other's house, he'll make sure he'll consensually sleep right there next to you, talking randomly about any topic that crosses his mind until you fall asleep. The mornings involve laughing at each other's bed head until you tune into your hangover's, sharing the one bottle of water while scrambling for painkillers and nagging at each other for not cutting either of you off when you went too far.

❁ [Mark] Lightweight; to keep it short and simple, Mark Lee proved himself to be a bit of a lightweight from the get-go, and now here you were, the room dim and bass thumping while Mark laughs loudly at whatever Johnny was saying and you haven't even been there for an hour yet. Mark is the guy that is kinda hard to keep track of, you thought you saw him in the kitchen but now he's messing around with Haechan in the garden and each time you regroup with him he's even more drunk than before. He always finds you eventually, maybe you were taking a load off at the snack table, munching crisps and replying to texts when a lanky arm swings over your shoulders and Mark's smily face is way too close to your line of sight asking if you're OK. If he feels he's neglected you for too long he overcompensates by ushering you to his current group and making a point of pulling a fold out chair right next to his, his laugh dominating the conversation even if the joke wasn't that funny. When the night draws to a close, he settles down, the lack of people taking a toll on his energy and that's where he engages in conversations way too deep for a frat party and way too personal for just friends, though you never worried, there was no way he would remember any of this tomorrow.

❁ [Haechan] Partner in crime; That one friend who you end up hanging with the whole night, even if that wasn't the intention. Haechan doesn't fear drunkenness, it doesn't seem like he fears anything, and he'll always without fail drag you down with him. He's the guy that cheers obnoxiously when you down your shot, always picks on you in the drinking games because he loves to see you embarrassed and the one you sneak away with to try cigarettes even if it turns out you don't really like them. His famous last words are always "I'll do it if you do it" and that's the story of how you both ended up jumping into a neighbour's pool completely wasted, and now hoarding the bottle of tequila. Haechan is the guy that kind of makes you make a complete fool out of yourself, but always assures you that nobody will remember by the morning and to just live in the moment. Your favourite part of these frat parties is always looking through your photos the next day and laughing at all the horrendous selfies and videos he took before you noticed he had your phone for the last 15 minutes.

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nastybuckybarnes · 4 years

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Monsters - Two

Pairing: Dark!Bucky X Reader

Summary: Bucky Barnes is a man who just wants to do better. But he can’t stop the monster from coming out every now and then. As a last and hopeless attempt at calming The Winter Soldier, SHIELD finds him something they figured would help. An innocent young woman with not a lot going for her. Or, The Winter Soldiers newest victim.

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Smut (DUBCON), Somnophilia, Injuries, Dark Themes, Language,

Word Count: 3.2K

A/n: Here you go! Pissed this out in like, an hour because I’m starting to really really like this series already lol. Hope you enjoy!

THIS IS A DARK FIC WITH SEXUAL AND TRIGGERING CONTENT!!!

Part One!

~*~

You pace around the kitchen of the small house, fingers stuck in your hair, pulling it at the roots.

You've been here for four hours. Alone. The Captain gave you few words before pushing you into the house and closing the door behind himself, leaving you alone with nothing but your thoughts and the worst-case-scenarios that your mind has been conjuring since leaving Fury's office.

There's no way for you to leave the house. That much you gathered quickly. After bruising your fingers trying to pry the door open, and wracking your brain trying to figure out a loophole for the DNA keypad, you gave up. The windows are all made of the thickest glass you've ever encountered, and nothing you’ve thrown at them made them crack in the slightest.

So you brought yourself to the kitchen, hoping to find a weapon to use to defend yourself, only to be disappointed. All the cabinets and drawers are locked. Why everything is locked and reinforced so much, you have no clue. And it only makes you more nervous.

Now you pace, back and forth and back and forth in the kitchen, trying desperately to figure out what they have planned for you and why they're doing this. They're supposed to be heroes, for god's sake.

Protectors. And yet they lock you in a strange place, with no contact with the outside world and no chance of escape. You find yourself wondering if they're really any better than the people they fight.

The front door beeps twice then opens, freezing you mid-step.

You stare at one of the two hallways leading to the kitchen, each hallway meeting in the front foyer and leading to the front door. The fact that there are two ways to access the kitchen puts you at ease and on edge at the same time. You won't know where the intruder is coming from, but you'll have an escape if they mean to harm you.

You strain your ears, listening intently for whoever is in the house. It's futile, however, because anyone entering the house would be a highly trained spy and would know how to stay quiet and be undetected.

"Jesus Christ, they really did it," A male voice whispers from behind you. You spin around, facing the hallway behind you. You stare up at him and instantly recognize him as the Winter Soldier.

He's wearing a casual outfit, black fitted jeans and a black hoodie, hands shoved into his pockets. His hair is long and unkempt around his head, and his eyes are a striking blue that seems to stare straight through your body and into your soul.

He remembers seeing a picture of you, one picture among thousands of others of women that fury deemed 'replaceable'. His lack of regard for human life made the metal armed soldier uneasy, and seeing you here in front of him makes him feel sick to his stomach.

"A-are you gonna hurt me?" The words fly from your lips before you can stop them, and you flinch away from him, squeezing your eyes shut as you anticipate a hostile move on his part.

He sighs, the sound bordering on a scoff, and shakes his head, metal fingers coming up and raking through his hair.

"No. I'm not gonna hurt you. Not on purpose." You peak your eyes open at that, curious about his intentions.

"C-Captain Rogers and Commander Fury said that I'm here to 'personally help you' and to 'take care of you'... what do they mean by that?" He looks at your frightened eyes then down to the ground.

"I uh... it..." He shakes his head and groans.

"I've been... falling back into old habits. At night... I get triggered into the soldier. And I've been trying to... hurt my female companions lately. The Captain thinks that having a woman to help satisfy my... primal desires will make me less of a hazard on the field." The words roll over in your mind and you look up at him.

"So I've been taken as some sort of sex slave?!" He winces at the way you spit the ugly words, not wanting to think about it like that.

"Well... no... I don't know! I was opposed to it, but they insisted. So... I picked you out of everyone. You've got a pretty face... and your body..." He trails off, eyes roaming up and down your figure then returning to your eyes. He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and nods. "Out of everyone, I'm glad it was you. You're... perfect." You ignore his compliments and shake your head.

"Do you realize that I've been taken against my will here?! I've been brought here to service you in a way that I don't want to. And now I'm going to be forced to have sex with you? None of this is consensual! None of this is right!" You shake your head angrily, trying to come up with a solution.

"You said you're against it, so tell them to let me go! I didn't agree to any of this!"

"Did you or did you not willingly come meet with me?" You jump, spinning around quickly as Fury walks into the room, arms crossed over his chest. Your hands tremble, anger and fear chasing each other through your veins.

"You willingly came to the tower to meet me. You accepted the job by coming in for the meeting. You cannot by law say that that was against any of your human rights. You accepted a job then came in to learn about the requirements. That is your own fault." You shake your head, hands clenching into fists.

"I changed my mind during the meeting. I told you I didn't want to do it. I signed no contract, I made no legally binding agreement." The man in front of you grins.

"There's fine print in everything I send. The email specifically said 'by going to this meeting I am accepting the position and all it entails'. It's not my fault you didn't read it. Now I advise you to stop complaining. Who knows, maybe you'll enjoy this position, and any others he decides to put you in."

You grimace and glance over your shoulder at the soldier. His cheeks are pink and he's staring at the ground.

"Now, I came to drop off your belongings. They're being put into the bedroom as we speak. I took the liberty of throwing in a few things I thought the two of you may need. Now, Barnes, any questions?"

You turn around and look at the brunet, eyes pleading with him to tell the other man to call this whole thing off. He stares into your eyes for a long silent moment then looks over your shoulder.

"I think this arrangement will help my performance on the field and in the office. I want to get started right away." Your heart sinks and you shake your head.

"Alright. By all means," Fury gestures towards you and you turn away from the brunet, tears prickling your eyes.

You go to push past the dark-skinned man when he grabs you by the wrist, staring at you with hard eyes.

"I can be a very patient man, but even my patience has limits. You agreed to this position, you chose your fate. Don't blame anyone else for your lack of attention to detail." You tear your arm from him and level him with a hard glare.

"Barnes, bring her upstairs. If she can't be talked into submission, maybe other methods will work better." An arm is wound around your waist and you start thrashing immediately.

"No! Let me go! Stop!" He ignores you, scooping you up in his arms with ease and taking you up the stairs.

"Let go of me! Help! Please! Someone Help!" He pushes into a huge bedroom and tosses you onto the bed, arms crossing over his chest as he stares at you.

"No one can hear you," Fury says, coming into the room shortly after. Tears streak down your face and you glare at both of them.

"Why are you still here? Shouldn't you be out ruining another innocent person's life?" He chuckles and looks over at the soldier.

"You've got a fiery one. Have fun with her." He turns and leaves the room, the beep of the lock letting you know that he's left the house.

You and James have a staredown as you sit on the bed and he stands by the wall, not moving, simply staring at you.

You finally give in, looking down at your hands, fingers trembling. "Please don't do it," you whisper, desperation dripping from your words. He sighs heavily and you feel the few shards of hope you have left glue themselves back together.

"Please. I just... please don't hurt me." When you look up he's directly in front of you, making you gasp.

"Why are you so against it?" He asks suddenly.

"I just..." You don't want to confess your fear to the man in front of you. You don't want him to know that he haunts your nightmares already.

"If you can't give me a good reason then why shouldn't I?" His voice is harder than before, stern, with an aggravated edge to it.

You take a deep breath and clench your hands into fists.

"Because you scare me," you finally whisper. "I've heard so many stories... seen so many things... and you scare me. I don't want to believe them but... this makes me wonder if they're all right about you. If you're truly the monster they say you are." The air is still and heavy with the weight of your words, and you find yourself regretting them instantly.

A metal hand is suddenly around your throat, pushing you and forcing you back on the mattress until your back hits the headboard.

You grab his wrist fruitlessly, struggling to drag in a breath as you look up at him. His eyes are dark with anger, and his chest is heaving.

"A monster? You think I'm a monster?!" He chuckles lowly without humour, shaking his head as he kneels on the bed. "I'll show you a fucking monster." He lets go of your throat and you gasp, coughing as the pressure gets released. You're definitely going to have finger-shaped bruises in the morning.

He grabs your knees and tears them apart, ignoring the scream of pain that leaves your lips as you feel a muscle in your thigh get pulled.

"Do you know how easy this is for me?" He demands, grabbing the fabric of your shirt and tearing it down the middle.

"Overpowering you is nothing to me. I could break you so fucking easily if I really wanted to. If I wanted to be a monster. I could make you cry and scream and wish for death." You sob loudly, fighting to free yourself as he presses his half-hard length against your centre through the layers of clothing separating the two of you.

"If I wanted to fuck you, I would. If I wanted to show you how much of a fucking monster I can be, I would. Because I can. And there's nothing you can do about it. You'll never be strong enough to fight back, strong enough to run. You belong to me now. Realize it. Embrace it. And don't fucking get on my bad side or you'll regret it."

He pushes off of you, kneeling between your legs and glaring down at you where you lay. You're shaking and sobbing, but he gives no indication that he cares.

"You haven't seen a monster yet, but test me again and I'll show you what a monster really looks like." You hiccup another sob, eyes staying trained on him. He glares at you for a moment longer before spitting at you. You flinch, humiliation pumping through your body as he chuckles.

"You're pathetic," he whispers, pushing himself off of the bed and leaving the room without another word.

You stay trembling and crying on the bed for what feels like hours after that, not moving for fear of aggravating your captor and your injured leg.

Meanwhile, Bucky sits in the living room, a glass of whiskey in his hand and regret swimming in his mind. He didn't mean to hurt you so bad, but you calling him a monster when you have no idea what he's been through? He won't tolerate that. He needed to put you in your place. To show you who you belong to. If you cooperate, you can enjoy yourself but if you misbehave, you'll be punished.

~*~

You're not sure when you fall asleep, but you're slowly roused from your slumber by a warm tongue sweeping itself over your clit.

A soft moan leaves your lips and your roll your hips gently, sleep clouding your thoughts.

The mouth disappears only to be replaced by something hot and big. Your eyelids flutter before slowly opening, and you feel confusion fill you as a big body hovers over you.

"Wh-what...?" You trail off, mouth dropping open in a silent moan as the man pushes his cock inside of you, stretching you out in the most perfectly painful way.

"It feels good, doesn't it?" He asks, voice thick and husky, the slightest twinge of a Russian accent decorating his words. Your hands find his shoulders and you blink a few times, the events of the day rushing into your brain.

"Wait... s-stop..." He doesn't. Instead, he cradles your head in his hands and presses gentle kisses to your face.

"You're okay. It feels nice. You like it. It feels good when you listen." His voice is so deep and perfect... you can't help but nod.

"This is what you're here for," he grunts, pumping into you harder. He grabs your hips and pulls out of you, only to flip you onto your stomach.

"This is why they brought you here. You're here for me to fuck. For me to have." He pushes back in and you gasp as he hits deeper than before.

"Yeah... feels so good... you were made for me, weren't you?" You find yourself nodding to his words again. He fucks into you hard and fast, his mind focused on his own release.

"Your cunt is so nice and tight and wet. So perfect for me. Waiting for me to fuck it, destroy it." You mewl in response, arching your back as he pounds into you, the slap of his hips against your ass making you even wetter for him.

You block out the shame of it all, ignore the fact that a few hours ago, this man was hurting and humiliating you.

His thrusts stutter for a moment before he picks up the pace again, this time reaching his metal fingers around to toy with your clit. "Gonna make you cum on my cock. You might not admit it, but you fuckin' love getting used like a dirty little whore. You like having your pussy fucked full of my fat cock. You fucking love it."

Your body starts convulsing, pussy clenching hard around him as he pushes you over the edge into an orgasm. Your eyes roll back, head spinning at the intensity of it.

"Fuckin' feel that... fuck... Fuck!" He spills inside of you, warm white filling you up then spilling out over your swollen cunt.

He pulls out and collapses on the bed beside you, panting hard. Your body aches, pussy fluttering and clenching around nothing while his seed spills out of you, staining the sheets.

You lower your hips and stretch out on your stomach, catching your breath and riding the aftershocks of your climax.

He rubs your back gently and you're surprised by the intimate and kind gesture.

"You only get punished when you're bad," he whispers. You don't acknowledge him and he sighs.

"I'll probably come to you again tonight, and I'll probably be rougher. I can't control myself when he takes over. If you fight back then it'll only be worse for you. Just lie back and take it, okay?" You still say nothing, yelping when his hand comes down hard on your ass. "Okay," you finally whisper, skin burning where he hit you.

"Good. Now, I'm gonna go make dinner. I expect you down in half an hour." He climbs off the bed without another word and leaves the room.

You stay there, silent tears sliding down your face at the fact that this man just fucked you, but worse, you liked it.

~*~

Dinner is silent, you limping to the table and wincing every time you shift your weight. Your ass burns, your pussy aches, and you definitely tore something in your thigh.

But Bucky seems to be in good spirits.

You only manage to force down a few bites before you push your plate away, stomach flipping uncomfortably.

“Eat,” he says, staring at your full plate then looking up to your eyes.

“I’m not hungry,” you whisper, voice rough and scratchy from the way he crushed your throat earlier. He sighs heavily and tosses his fork onto the table, leaning forward to look at you.

“My goal wasn’t to hurt you. Just to show you that I’m only a monster if you want me to be. I can be nice to you. I made you cum twice while you slept.”

That explains the deep throb in your pussy.

“I don’t want to hurt you, but I think they’re right. I need you. More importantly, the soldier needs you. I think I'll be able to control him better. I know you’re not the biggest fan of this, but you’ve gotta admit that you enjoyed it.” You say nothing, but the way you shift in your seat makes him grin.

“This can be good for both of us. Just relax and accept it. I won’t hurt you again, not on purpose. And not unless you give me a reason to.” You simply nod, not wanting to be having any type of conversation with this man.

“Hate it all you want, but you can’t deny your body’s reaction to me. Just give in.” You glare at your plate, the word ‘monster’ bouncing around in your mind as he resumes eating as if he isn't holding you hostage here.

~*~

You can’t sleep. Your body aches too much and you’re far too terrified of him visiting you in the form of the Soldier.

It’s a little past two in the morning, and you’re fighting your heavy lids when the door to what he deemed as ‘your’ bedroom opens.

His eyes are dark and distant, and you know that this isn’t the same man as before.

He’s naked, cock hanging freely between his legs. An impressive nine inches of thick, hard flesh, waiting to abuse your cunt yet again.

He climbs onto the bed and pulls the blankets away from your body. You try to relax, you really do, but with the rough way he strips you of your clothes, it’s hard not to panic.

His hands come beside your head as he situates himself between your thighs, his huge frame making you feel even smaller and even more intimidated. He nudges his hard cock at your entrance and you wince as he pushes in with little preparation.

It stings. The stretch and pull off his cock dragging against your walls.

He gives you no time to get adjusted before he starts a fast and borderline brutal pace, not giving a single fuck about the way he’s abusing your pussy. You whimper, hands coming up and instinctively pushing against his shoulders to try and get him to slow down.

He mutters something in Russian, then grabs your hands and pins them above your head, squeezing your wrists together tightly in his metal hand. You yelp in pain, trying to twist into a more comfortable position. He doesn’t let up and you accept the pain, allowing it to distract you from the vicious way he’s fucking you. His other hand grabs your legs and pulls them up over his shoulders, leaning down so his body is hovering just above yours.

His hips slam into you, cock hitting your cervix painfully with each thrust.

“Ow! S-slow down, please! I-it hurts!” You beg him to have mercy, and he quickly grows tired of hearing your voice. The hand supporting his weight comes up and presses hard on your throat. With no free hands, he presses harder against your wrists to keep himself upright, the pressure on your neck growing with each savage thrust of his hips.

The edges of your vision start to get spotty and black, your mouth parted in a desperate attempt to drag in a breath of air. Your body starts going numb, and soon you can’t even feel him inside of you. Your ears start to ring and after a painfully long moment, the world goes black.

The soldier continues fucking your pliant body, even after you’ve passed out. He fucks you hard and fast until he finally finishes.

He cums hard, filling you up with his seed and leaving his mark on your abused walls. He pulls out of you with a soft grunt, then leaves you alone and unconscious in the middle of the bed, cum painting your swollen pussy white, and bruises already forming on your wrists and neck.

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hacawijo · 3 years

Text

Alright, If We’re Gonna Play with Az’s Bonus Chapter, Let’s PLAY with Az’s Bonus Chapter (Pt. 2)

Yeah baby, part 2 of a PAINSTAKING close read lol.

Azriel winnowed into shadows before she could say anything he uses the shadows to ESCAPE, they are a coping mechanism, appearing at the door to Rhys’s study a heartbeat later. His shadows whispered in his ear that Elain had gone upstairs. It’s interesting that the shadows specifically report on Elain’s whereabouts here and not earlier, as well as later not reporting on Gwyn.

Rhys sat at his desk, fury a moonless night across his face. He asked softly, “Are you out of your mind?”

Azriel donned the frozen mask he’d perfected while in his father’s dungeon. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Rhys’s power rippled through the room like a dark cloud. “I’m talking about you, about to kiss Elain, in the middle of a hall where anyone could see you,” he snarled. “Including her mate.” It is not out of line for Rhys to acknowledge that this was stupid. If for no other reason than that it would hurt Lucien if he saw/felt them.

Azriel stiffened. Let his cold rage rise to the surface, the rage he only ever let Rhysand see, because he knew his brother could match it. Which is the mirror to something that Rhys notes in ACOFAS, that they are similar in their darkness. Because Rhys is really the only person Azriel can be himself with, completely, I think it’s important to acknowledge that this is unprecedented ground for them and specifically for Azriel. This is the first time Azriel can actually voice ANY of these thoughts out loud, and only because Rhys saw them, he did not bring this concern to Rhys himself. “What if the Cauldron was wrong?”

Rhysand blinked. “What of Mor, Az?” Also very not out of line thing to ask. Feyre is the only person Mor has really told about her sexuality, and so to Rhys and co. AND Azriel, nothing about this situation has changed in the past 500 years. The fact that Azriel is able to get over Mor, without that confirmation of her sexuality, because of Elain, is significant I think.

Azriel ignored the question. Hmm yeah, but he can’t keep ignoring this question forever, and that’s another reason he and Elain did NOT kiss in this chapter. He and his family and Mor all need closure regarding their relationship. “The Cauldron chose three sisters. Oh boy, I have a lot to say about the number three later on! Tell me how it’s possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters, yet the third was given to another.” He had never before dared speak the words out loud. NEVER BEFORE DARED TO SPEAK THE WORDS OUT LOUD. This is the first time he’s even verbalizing these thoughts - of COURSE he doesn’t know how to navigate this conversation. This is raw emotion being spewed out right now, enhanced by the unresolved tension from his interaction with Elain.

Rhys’s face drained of color. “You believe you deserve to be her mate?” So, he says that his two brothers ARE WITH two of those sisters, which is a way to acknowledge the fact that both people in each pair accepted the bond and that it was a mutually built connection. Then he says “the third was given to another” which is actually really different. He’s saying that Elain was given to Lucien by the Cauldron, suddenly one member of that bond is not an active participant - and this is mostly true! Elain has ignored Lucien diligently, and she hinted about her lack of feelings for him when she asked Feyre why he should be entitled to her affections just because of the cauldron and whatever amends he has made. I don’t like Azriel saying that Elain is something to be given as opposed to a person to be connected to, but I’m not sure exactly what it means that he did that. ANYWAY, Rhys really does supply the word deserve, and we have evidence from earlier in this chapter that essentially proves that Azriel does not believe he deserves Elain, anyway. He is having an argument with Rhys, yes, but it almost feels like he’s arguing with himself.

Azriel scowled. “I think Lucien will never be good enough for her, and she has no interest in him anyway.” (THE ONLY TIME ELAIN’S ACTUAL FEELINGS, ACTIONS ARE CONSIDERED IN THIS DISCUSSION BTW) Also, not that he doesn’t answer Rhys’s question. For Azriel, this isn’t necessarily about what HE deserves in this moment, it’s about what Elain wants. Almost certainly, Azriel DOESN’T believe that he deserves Elain, but he sees the injustice of her being forced to accept a bond with someone for political or spiritual/societal reasons. So while to Rhys it may seem like Azriel is is putting Lucien’s claim down in order to boost his own, I actually think Azriel is trying to distinguish a different issue - Elain’s agency. This same thing happened with Mor and Eris. ABSOLUTELY THIS IS NOT ALL LIKE THAT SITUATION BECAUSE LUCIEN IS NOT ERIS!!! I am not trying to compare their behavior. BUT, Azriel would have dueled Eris for Mor’s agency regardless of whether or not she chose to be with him.

“So you’ll what?” Rhys’s voice was pure ice. “Seduce her away from him?” Rhys, I think, misinterpreting Azriel and it’s mostly not Rhys’s fault. Azriel doesn’t communicate well and is not currently communicating well. That being said, I wish he would give Azriel more benefit of the doubt.

Azriel said nothing. He hadn’t got that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to. HE HADN’T PLANNED ANYTHING, this whole conversation is just like a raw nerve.

Rhys growled, “Allow me to make one thing very clear. You are to stay away from her.” Well come on, now, Rhys, what if she doesn’t want to stay away from him? BE A FEMINIST RHYS, just add, “unless she wants to see you”!

ALSO, DID RHYS TELL FEYRE ABOUT THIS? MY MONEY IS ON NO, AND IF RHYS DIDN’T TELL HER ITS BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE’S NOT WHOLLY DOING THE RIGHT THING BY ELAIN.

“You can’t order me to do that.”

“Oh, I can, and I will. If Lucien finds out you’re pursuing her, he has every right to defend their bond as he sees fit. Including invoking the Blood Duel.” Another really big sign that this is going to play out Elriel style is the mentioning of the Blood Duel. Chekhov’s gun eh?

“That’s an Autumn Court tradition.” The battle to the death was so brutal that it was only enacted in rare cases. Despite being an outsider, Azriel had wanted to to invoke it when he’d found Mor all those years ago. Had been ready to challenge both Beron and Eris to Blood Duels and kill them both. Yes see? He would have done this regardless of Mor’s feelings toward him. Only Mor’s right to claim their heads in vengeance had kept him from doing so.

“Lucien, as Beron’s son, has the right to demand it of you.” But hey fun fact Rhys knows that Lucien is almost CERTAINLY not Beron’s son. Interesting to consider in context.

“I’ll defeat him with little effort.” Pure arrogance laced every word, but it was true. Again, Azriel is dodging Rhys’s points and is honestly being pretty immature right now, but he hasn’t actually said ANYTHING about an intention to pursue Elain with any of this. Rhys has filled in the blanks, and Azriel has responded to smaller aspects of Rhys’s macro-points with which he finds fault. I think this is also because he knows Rhys is right about a lot of the realities of the situation, but he is in the mood to be contrary right now, so he’s fighting back where he can stomach it.

“I know.” Rhys’s eyes flickered. “And your doing so will rip apart any fragile peace and alliances we have, not only with the Autumn Court, but Also with the Spring Court and Jurian and Vassa.” Rhys bared his teeth. Rhys’s motivations are based entirely on things that have nothing to do with Elain’s feelings, which is sad. But, they’re not insignificant considerations. Though come on dude you did pretty much enable Hybern’s arrival to Prythian by alienating The Spring Court with Feyre’s escape.“So you will leave Elain alone. YES, ALONE, because Elain probably is PRETTY FREAKIN LONELY If you need to fuck someone, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it, but stay away from her.” Low. Blow.

Azriel snarled softly.

“Snarl all you want.” Rhys leaned back in his chair. “But if I see you panting after her again, I’ll make you regret it.” I do think this is a really ungenerous description of what was happening downstairs with Elain. Their interaction was careful and consensual, we have painstaking detail to prove that, and it was far from panting/animalistic in action.

Rhys had rarely threatened punishment or pulled rank. It stunned Azriel enough that it knocked him from his rage. This is another person taking ANOTHER choice away from Elain. I think she may find out about Rhys doing this and I personally think she’s gonna be rightfully pissed.

Rhys jerked his chin toward the door. “Get out.”

Azriel tucked in his wings and left without another word, stalking through the house and onto the front lawn to sit in the frigid starlight. To let the frost in his veins match the air around him.

Until he felt nothing. Was again nothing at all. With Elain, he is SOMETHING. Because he feels things.

Then he flew to the House of Wind, knowing that if he slept in the riverside manor, he’d do something he regretted. He’d been so vigilant about keeping away from Elain as much as possible, Further evidence that Azriel never intended to fight Lucien or make a stink over Elain and had stayed up here to avoid her, and tonight... tonight had proved he’d been right to do so.

He aimed for the training pit, giving in to the need to work off the temptation, the rage and frustration and writhing need.

He found it occupied. His shadows had not warned him. I am not sure what it means that his shadows didn’t warn him. It could mean that Gwyn is protected from his shadows/immune to them. It could mean that his shadows wanted him to go see Gwyn - either out of a desire for Azriel to find some peace with her or out of curiosity as to who/what she is?

It was too late to bank without appearing like he was running. Azriel landed in the ring a few feet from where Gwyn practiced in the chill night, her sword glimmering like ice in the moonlight.

She stopped mid-slice, whirling to face him. “I’m sorry. I knew you all were going to the river house, so I didn’t think anyone would mind if I came up here and—“

“It’s fine. I came here to retrieve something I forgot.” The lie was smooth and cool, as he knew his face was. His shadows peered over his wings at her. They are… wary of her? They’re shy around her?

The young priestess smiled — and Azriel thought it might have been directed at his curious shadows. But she just hooked her coppery-brown hair behind an arched ear. “I was trying to cut the ribbon.” She pointed with her sword at the white ribbon, which seemed to glow silver. Some interesting language here and above (glimmering, glow etc.) to do with light, and again a juxtaposition between light and dark. But not a golden light, a colder/silver light.

“Aren’t you cold?” His breath clouded in front of him.

Gwyn shrugged. “Once you get moving, you stop noticing it.”

He nodded, silence falling. For a heartbeat, their gazes met. Gaze is definitely a romantically charged word, this is one of the tiny details that makes me unsure about the future nature of their relationship. He blocked out the bloody memory that flashed, so at odds with the Gwyn he saw before him now. I definitely do not think they are mates. I’m not closing the door on them being romantically involved, I don’t have enough evidence to do that, but I really think that if they were mates, Azriel would have known when he saw her at Sangravah.

Her head ducked, as if remembering it too. That he’d been the one who’d found her that day at Sangravah. Shades of Cassian’s reactions to Emerie’s wings having been clipped, in ACOFAS. “Happy Solstice,” she said, as much a dismissal as it was a holiday blessing.

He snorted. “Are you kicking me out?”

Gwyn’s teal eyes I have a lot to say about these teal eyes :) flashed with alarm. “No! I mean, I don’t mind sharing the ring. I just... I know you like to be alone.” Her mouth quirked to the side, crinkling the freckles on her nose. “Is that why you came up here?” I’ll talk more about this later, but there are a few small moments in the book where it seems like Gwyn might have a crush on Azriel, or some kind of special awareness/interest where he is concerned. I have seen almost no evidence that Az returns those potential feelings, except PERHAPS for the moment where he hears her screech and pays attention. But I think anyone would pay attention if someone screeched? Also he watches reverently as she cuts the ribbon, but that also feels like it would happen regardless of any romantic feelings he might have. But I don’t know for sure!

Sort of. “I forgot something.”

“At two in the morning?”

Pure amusement glittered in her stare. Better than the pain and grief he’d spied a moment before. So he offered her a crooked smile. He cares that she not be feeling pain and grief, as he does with anyone he deems good, and that is part of why he offers her the smile, as he clearly says right here. “I can’t sleep without my favorite dagger.”

“A comfort to every growing child.”

Azriel’s lips twitched. I think her irreverence matches his sense of humor quite well. He refrained from mentioning that he did indeed sleep with a dagger. Many daggers. Including one under his pillow.

“How was the party?” Her breath curled in front of her mouth, and one of his shadows darted out to dance with it before twirling back to him. Like it heard some silent music. This shadow is acting totally independent of him. She’s asking a simple question of Azriel at the moment, and he CAN’T hear the music he believes that shadow might be dancing to. Lightsinger evidence, I’d say.

“Fine,” he said, and realized a heartbeat later that it wasn’t a socially acceptable answer. “It was nice.” LOL I will say here that Azriel has to make a lot of conscious effort in this interaction. He makes himself respond in a specific way, which is not language that was used to describe his interactions with Elain earlier in the chapter. This could totally just be because he doesn’t know Gwyn that well, and certainly that’s a big part of it, but I think there’s something to be said for the fact that he is still filtering himself here with Gwyn in the quiet.

Not much better. So he asked, “Did you can the priestesses have a celebration?”

“Yes, though the service was the main highlight.”

“I see.” LOL

She angled her head, hair shining like molten metal. More glowing-type stuff “Do you sing?” I love Gwyn.

He blinked. It wasn’t everyday that people took him by surprise, but... which is great! Elain surprises him with the headache medicine in ACOFAS, Feyre surprises him with her intuition and tenderness throughout. I think this indicates that they will have a significant relationship regardless of its exact nature. “Why do you ask?”

“They call you shadowsinger. Is it because you sing?”

“I am a shadowsinger— it’s not a title that someone just made up.” It’s super-duper interesting that they actually discuss the fact that he’s a shadowsinger. When Feyre meets Azriel, she is curious, but specifically doesn’t ask follow-up questions or for expansion on the ability. Why specifically remind us here that Azriel is a shadowsinger and that Gwyn sings? If not to foreshadow something related to the ability and Gwyn?

She shrugged again, irreverently. Az narrowed his eyes, studying her. “Do you though?” She pressed. “Sing?”

Azriel couldn’t help his soft chuckle. “Yes.” I love Gwyn. She is the reason I now realize a lot of what I’ve been doing in my life is irreverence :P

She opened her mouth to ask more, but he didn’t feel like explaining. Or demonstrating, since that was surely what she’d ask next. So Az jerked his chin to the sword dangling from her hand. “Try cutting the ribbon again.” I love this so much. Maybe it is romantic, but I think that’s debatable. What’s not debatable is that it’s completely charming.

“What— with you watching?” It’s actually pretty funny that in order to avoid giving a demonstration of something that makes him vulnerable and puts Gwyn in the role of expert he flips it and makes her demonstrate vulnerability while he is the expert. Gwyn might be quite a bit braver than Azriel in some ways.

He nodded.

She considered, and he wondered if she’d say no, but Gwyn blew out a breath, steadied her feet and balance, and sliced. A beautiful, precise blow, but it didn’t sever the ribbon. SEE? Brave. I love Gwyn.

“Again,” he ordered, rubbing his hands against the cold, grateful for its bracing bite and the distraction of this impromptu lesson. Distraction is a notable word here. Azriel’s thoughts don’t really ever stray from Elain and his turmoil throughout this interaction, that’s what the word distraction tells us.

Gwyn sliced again, but the ribbon remained unyielding.

“You’re turning the blade a fraction as it comes parallel to the ground,” Azriel explained, drawing his Illyrian blade from down his back. “Watch.” He slowly demonstrated, rotating his wrist where she did. “You see how you open up right here?” He corrected his position. “Keep your wrist like that. The blade is an extension of your arm.”

Gwyn tried the movement as slowly as he had, and he watched her self-correct, fighting against the urge to open up her wrist and rotate the blade. She did it three times before she stopped falling into the bad habit. “I blame Cassian for this. He’s too busy making eyes at Nesta to notice such mistakes these days.”

Azriel laughed. “I’ll give you that.” I sense a lot of compatibility, just, again, not sure it’s romantic.

Gwyn smiled broadly. “Thank you.”

Azriel dipped his head in a sketch of a bow, something restless settling in him. Even his shadows had calmed. As if content to lounge on his shoulders and watch. This is another line that I think offers the most evidence for something significant between Gwyn and Azriel. It’s lovely that she has helped to settle something restless in him with the distraction - and I think it’s important to note that it might not have done the same thing had he encountered Emerie or another trainee on the roof. At the same time, maybe it would have. Also love that his shadows like to watch Gwyn. Lightsinger/Shadowsinger evidence! This all being said, I can’t really think of an SJM romance that is built around a comfort zone. I can think of many friendships that operate that way, but not so much with the romances. There’s usually nervousness and flutters and passion and… restlessness, somewhere in there.

But— sleep. He needed to at least attempt to get some.

“Happy Solstice,” Azriel said before aiming for the archway into the House. “Don’t stay out too much longer. You’ll freeze.”

Gwyn nodded her farewell, again facing the ribbon. A warrior sizing up an opponent, all traces of that charming irreverence gone. I love Gwyn.

Azriel entered the warmth of the stairwell, and as he descended, he could have sworn a faint, beautiful singing followed him. Could have sworn his shadows sang in answer. This feels VERY much like Lightsinger/Shadowsinger evidence. His shadows, as this chapter has demonstrated time and again, operate independently of him, and they react to Gwyn’s song. I also think it’s possible that Gwyn is sort of always singing, even when she’s not. Like she glows with song on some level, and that’s what his shadows are reacting to - because I don’t think she’d necessarily actually sing while attempting to cut the ribbon.

He slept as well as could be expected which means pretty much not at all y’all — he makes it clear he never expects to sleep well, but when Azriel returned to the River House to gather his presents before dawn, he found Elain’s necklace amid the pile. He pocketed it. Spent the rest of his day, even the blasted snowball fight, with every intention of returning it to the shop in the Palace of Thread and Jewels. How did the necklace get there??? Did Elain really put it there??? Seems like even more evidence that he assumes too much about her understanding of his feelings. Also, though, it seems really rude/OOC for Elain to do that. She gave up very quickly after he gave her a really thoughtful gift. SOMETHING’S FISHY.

But when he returned from the cabin in the mountains, he didn’t go to the market square.

Instead, he found himself at the library beneath the House of Wind, standing before Clotho as the clock chimed seven in the evening. Important to remember that this is one of the longest nights of the year, which means dusk is coming on later than it was when Nesta attended the evening service weeks/months prior- a service that started almost exactly when seven bells rang the time. It is very well possible that Azriel finds himself at the library as the evening service is happening. The one in which Gwyn sings. If she does have some kind of Lightsinger power in her, it may be that he was lured by that power instead of returning the necklace. Even if they always start at 7, he still arrives exactly at 7. The only point against this surmising that I’ve done is that Clotho led the service which Nesta attended, and yet she is here to greet Azriel. Either I’m wrong and the service is not happening at or around this time, OR the service can take place without Clotho occasionally, and this served the interest of the plot so that Az could speak with someone.

He slid the small box across her desk. “If you see Gwyn, would you give this to her?”

Clotho angled her hooded head, and her enchanted pen wrote on a piece of paper. A Solstice gift from you?

Azriel shrugged. “Don’t tell her it came from me.” Yes, it really doesn’t seem super romantic to re-gift a necklace to Gwyn. It just feels sour, if this is the start of a romance between them.

Why?

“Does she need to know? Just tell her it was a gift from Rhys.”

That would be a lie.

He avoided the urge to cross his arms, not wanting to look intimidating. He blocked out the memory that flashed— of his mother cringing before his father, the male standing with crossed arms in such a way that made his displeasure known before he opened his hateful mouth. This feels very important. We know VERY LITTLE about Azriel’s story, his past, and his family, and so I want to point out ANY and EVERY nugget we get!

“Look I...” Az searched for the words, his voice becoming quiet. “If there’s another priestess here who might appreciate it, give it to them. But I’m not taking that necklace with me when I leave.” I’m not exactly sure what it means that Azriel says this. It could be that he doesn’t want to make a thing of his potential feelings for Gwyn and so tries to deflect with this statement, both to convince Clotho and himself that it’s not about Gwyn. It could also mean that Azriel needed to be rid of the necklace, and wasn’t in the mood to fight with Clotho over an ultimately secondary (to getting rid of the necklace) impulse to give it to someone who provided him comfort and companionship at a time when he needed it.

He waited for Clotho’s pen to finish writing. Your eyes are sad, Shadowsinger.

He offered her a grim smile. “I lost the snowball fight today.” HE LOST THE FIRST SNOWBALL FIGHT IN 200 YEARS! And I’m pretty sure it wasn’t because Gwyn made him feel better the previous night. I think he lost because he is in anguish over the situation with Elain. Again, I understand that anguish shouldn’t necessarily be a romantic thing, but in SJM’s writing it often is. This is a romance series, angst is a thing, stakes are a thing. It’s not necessarily the most healthy, but it’s also not all-the-way unhealthy. He just feels strongly about Elain and there are a lot of obstacles between him and finding a way to resolve those feelings for good or bad.

I am a counselor for folks who have and are dealt/dealing with sexual, gender-based, and interpersonal violence, and if you want me to do an analysis of all of the relationships in SJM’s writing that aren’t wholly healthy, there won’t be any left over. Except for maybe Sartaq and Nesryn. they really do have their shit together. I suspend a fair amount of my disbelief and professional knowledge in reading these books because I love them and they are fictional :) Also, relationships are complicated. It’s pretty rare for me to work with a client that has a cut-and-dry, black-and-white story.

Now, in my PERSONAL NOT PROFESSIONAL experience, shit is messy, and messiness, even in real life, doesn’t always mean something isn’t worth the strife. Though absolutely abuse and assault are a whole other thing. I think it’s really good to think critically about relationship dynamics in fiction, because it’s a safe place to do great learning and reflection. I also think it’s important to consider that the rules of our reality are not necessarily the rules of the reality being written by an author. Maybe you personally find Azriel’s feelings toward Elain (as they have been expressed so far) are beyond redemption, and are unhealthy to a point where the relationship cannot be salvaged. But that is not realistically a reason that the relationship in question won’t happen. Pretty much any negative/toxic assertions that can be leveled against Elriel based on the VERY SMALL amount of first-person perspective we have in the relationship could be leveled against at least a few of SJM’s other endgame couples. Totally happy to get into this more and provide those examples :)

Clotho was smart enough to see through his deflection. She wrote, I’ll give it to Gwyneth. Tell her a friend left it for her.

He wouldn’t go so far as to call Gwyn a friend, but... “Fine. Thank you.” Not sure what this means. Maybe just that it takes Az a while to open up to people and call them friends.

Clotho’s pen moved once more. She deserves something as beautiful as this. I thank you for the joy it shall bring her.

Something sparked in Azriel’s chest, but he only nodded his thanks and left. He could picture it, though, as he ascended the stairs back to the House proper. How Gwyn’s teal eyes might light upon seeing the necklace. For whatever reason... he could see it. And here we have the most romantic evidence for Az and Gwyn as a couple. Maybe he is falling for her and that’s why he can picture her smile. I really don’t know. I think it could also be that he is happy to be able to make her happy, in recognition of the comfort she gave him the previous evening. Maybe he can picture her because of her potential lightsinger status. Thoughts?

But Azriel tucked away the thought, consciously erasing the slight smile it brought to his face. Buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly. The image glowing, again, lightsinger-supporting language.

A thing of secret, lovely beauty. So now he is referring to Gwyn’s smile here. This is interesting, because Gwyn’s smile wouldn’t necessarily be a secret, but perhaps it is if you think of her as being hidden in the library, or that he’ll know about her smile and her receiving the necklace even though she won’t know that he’s the one who gave it to her. Or maybe he’s drop dead in love with her! Another thing that I don’t think is true given his stony attitude post-Solstice (when Gwyn is very much around) and the fact that he doesn’t seem to react viscerally to Gwyn’s kidnapping until Cassian points out that bad things could be happening to both her AND Emerie, as well as Nesta. He knows Gwyn just as well, if not better at this point, as he knew Elain when he reacted to HER kidnapping in ACOWAR. He was very riled, he was the one who noticed she was gone, he vowed almost immediately to go get her, knowing it might mean certain death (to be fair, he seems to have a bit of a death wish, BUT he’s still a pragmatist and doesn’t try to WASTE his life on things - either they’re essential to the court and/or Prythian’s wellbeing or essential to someone for whom he cares deeply.)

#azriel #azriel shadowsinger #elriel #elain archeron #rhysand #gwyn acosf #acosf #acotar theory #acosf theory #azriel bonus chapter #azriel pov #azriel x elain #lightsinger #shadowsinger

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rosemary-is-in-pesterquest · 3 years

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HS2's themes are fuckin wack crap cuz like... idk it all starts with the epilogues, right? the thing that the epilogues are trying to say is that all conflict that the characters face within the narrative is there because the audience cast their gaze upon this story and demanded entertainment. something has to happen on the stage to keep us watching, thus, it is the audience's fault that the characters suffer. but that's bullshit for so many reasons. for one thing, it ignores the role of the author. audience demand doesn't force an author's hands to write... that's a decision that the author made. we could've lived with nothing at all.

and conflict comes in many flavors. some stories hardly have any conflict at all. the whole iyashikei genre exists, like, I think we're well past understanding that cynicism, tragedy, and destruction are not the only forces that can drive a narrative. "conflict" is not the only reason for a story to be told. once again, stories tell us as much about the author as their audience. the kind of story an author deems worthy of telling is just as relevant to consider as the kind of story an audience deems worthy of attention.

and even in conflict driven stories... it matters what the conflict is, who wins, how, and why. as a simple example, when the conflict is a battle between good and evil, good wins, it does so by way of the power of friendship, and the reason it is presented this way is to promote the idea that you should be kind and help others... that's a story with a purpose. obviously this is like, children's cartoon level simple, and a story can be written to say different or more complex things, but I should always be able to ask those questions and come up with an answer.

if, as an author, Hussie wanted to accuse his audience of being culpable in the suffering of his characters, he would at least have to present the reader with a meaningful choice. and at first glance, it would almost seem like he did. meat and candy, even by their naming convention, seem as though they are giving you the option to consume a light or dark tale. but even in the names, there is a seed of judgement. Hussie has described the concept of a narrative containing both "meat" and "candy" in terms of story content, wherein meat is anything heavy in terms of plot or drama, and candy is anything that provides levity as a counterbalance, such as jokes or feel good fluff. these categories are already identified as "substance" vs. "a lack of substance" which places value on the cynical, dark route as being more truthful... conflating cynicism with realism.

and already I can see making a case for the idea that neither route is legitimate, because no story should subsist on just one or the other... both need to be at play for the story to be balanced. and you could even argue that the lampooning of the epilogues' legitimacy was the point... that they were supposed to be outside of canon and regarded as illegitimate all along. but then not only does that negate the author's ability to let the audience choose the kind of story they're participating in, but the story itself doesn't play by its own rules.

does candy truly read like some fluffy pandering fanservice filler, the way one might expect it to? and is meat totally devoid of any levity, while focusing only on plot machinations and/or the characters' dramatic downward spiral? I would argue that, even though the consensus seems to be that both routes are equally dismal, neither even gets dark enough to live up to that end of the bargain either. the execution is messy... the concept doesn't hold up.

and what of the initial concept? that the audience's observation of a story forces the characters to enact a conflict for the sake of our entertainment? is that really what's going on here? from the initial pitch, you could already tell that the answer was no. nobody asked for this. and so we cast our apparently destructive audience gaze onto Homestuck 2.

but there, we find another curveball. the story is... almost becoming self aware? in that it casts a character in the role of the author, and also identifies him firmly as the villain. but see, this is still a blame shift. and maybe that would've been less obvious if Andrew Hussie had not introduced himself as a character inside of his own web comic throughout the original narrative. the true author is already here.

the villain of homestuck was never the audience, and it was never a fictional character. if we're really shattering the 4th wall... if we're really ceasing our suspension of disbelief, pulling back the curtain, and acknowledging that these characters are fabricated, manipulated entities with real people behind the wheel, then there is only one conclusion we can possibly come to. the author has control over the narrative... no one else. and the things the author chooses to say with the platform they've made for themselves? those things are on them. what are we to understand about the author, as his audience?

this is why people are looking past the story entirely and engaging with the creative team, for better or for worse. if you break your story enough, it won't work anymore. and when the audience finds it in shambles, completely unusable as a story... you know, the thing it was intended to be? they might actually look to the people who broke it and ask them why they did that. it was a nice story. it performed several functions that people actually enjoyed. was dismantling it like this really the most fulfilling thing they could've done with it?

and I'll tell you another thing. part of why people take it so personally is because, just like how Andrew Hussie, the homestuck character, was a stand-in for Andrew Hussie, the human being... many of the characters in homestuck were stand-ins for us. John Egbert was for people who had an obsessive nerdy interest in movies, Rose was for people who wrote fanfiction, Nepeta was for people who ship characters a lot, she and Terezi were for people who RP, and also... Dave was for people who were trying to act cooler than they felt, Jade was for people who were lonely, Kanaya was for people who wanted to help people and be accepted, Vriska was for people who were hard to love and felt judged for that.

who do these writers think they're messing with?

and I just want to make it clear that I'm not condoning any kind of harassment of them, or anything like that. ultimately, my point here is that we are not our effigies. and in the same way that an author can't blame shift onto a fictional character, a person cannot claim the direction of a fictional story as a reason to do real harm.

but homestuck was always unique in that it spoke very directly to its audience. when Hussie added real pieces of us to his fake people, he had a powerful vehicle for the messages that he wanted us to hear. lots of stories have characters that are written to be relatable, but you'd be hard pressed to find ones that feel quite so specific as the cast of homestuck. to our era. to our humor. to the values of people growing up in our online cultural circumstances.

if this specific author is going to choose to act like a villain, at least in the small-scale context of this comic, then what is that setting us up to be? maybe nothing so presumptuous as a hero... maybe just like, Dave of Guy, y'know? but Dave made normal a pretty heroic thing to be... I think it's up to us to just be normal and have normal fun, in spite of the shit show. regular old homestuck already said all the valuable stuff it was gonna. for my part, I'm just gonna take that and run off with it. ignoring HS2 doesn't make it go away, but paying attention to it doesn't make it good either... so I guess whatever.

that's the themes. the themes are just a big "so what" shrug. most complicated way to say "who cares" I've ever seen.

This is a really good analysis

#long post /#I should probably start using that tag just in case it clogs up people's feeds

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lorei-writes · 3 years

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Abuse in Fiction

I think I spoke of a related issue once already, but well, I do not mind repeating myself. In a way, I even enjoy it, I suppose. It’s mildly personal this time too, hm.

So, as some of you may know, I am of a strong belief that fiction should not be hopeless and that it is easy to write a story full of despair - and harder to undo all the harm that’s been done. However, I am also of belief that... My views never matter more than that of another person, and that we are all entitled to our own stances, morals and opinions, for at least as long as we do not enforce those on others. (For the record here, I do not consider hatred an opinion or standard of any type; another distinction that needs to be made: facts are not opinions).

As such, the following will be my opinions, and nothing more. Whether you agree with them or disagree - this is yours, not mine. I do not aim to convince anybody to see the world the way I do.

Well, where do I even start? One step at a time, I suppose.

Bad people do good things. & Good people do bad things.

You need knowledge to realise what is abusive.

Themes of abuse are not inherently harmful.

Gatekeeping requires proof.

What can I do?

A little bit personal something.

Bad people do good things & Good people do bad things

As alluring as it may be, the world cannot be split in neat categories of pure goodness and pure evil. What makes a person good? What makes them bad? Is the good one that who does not harm others? It is generally the definition of goodness I go by, and yet - it is not absolute.

What I’m trying to say is that, to try and split people into good-bad categories based on a single action is... Not really productive. It may be an error. It may be a result of something you are not aware of. And, yes, it may turn out they are indeed not a “good person”, whichever definition you go by - but it also may not.

We are talking about fiction here, however. Not killing, not abusing somebody yourself, but an act of writing about it. If it is tagged appropriately - then who is being hurt? If it is tagged, the person who read it consented to it in the first place. They could have withdrawn. If it is not tagged... Then, it brings me to my second point.

You need knowledge to realise what is abusive.

I would love to see a world in which every single person is educated and capable of recognising different forms of abuse. However, we do not live in such a world. We live in one where access to sex education is still limited in plenty places, where access to mental health services may be restricted, where mental illness is sometimes still a cultural taboo, where humans are being trafficked, abused in all form, dehumanised, enslaved, all to the benefit of rich countries. We do not live in an ideal world, so to require people to act in ideal ways? I consider it ludicrous.

Plenty cultures around the world glamourise abuse - or so it is at least in Europe. What books are best-sellers? 50 Shades of Grey. 365 Days was somewhat big too. If a person cannot get education from a reliable source, if the culture perpetuates the belief that a form of abuse is not in fact abusive, or what is arguably worse, is well-deserved, then how will they know it is in fact hurtful?

You must realise that, even for victims of abuse, it may take decades to learn why they were hurting, to realise that something was in fact wrong. You must realise those people may include themes of abuse in their work thinking that this is how it just is.

Is it perpetuating the harmful norm? It is.

But are they doing it consciously? Or is it the by-product of their culture? And if so, is it their fault?

Is ostracising them and calling them morally wrong doing anything to counter the hurtful norm? Do we need to abandon a topic completely, as some approaches to it may be hurtful? Or do we need to deconstruct it? To realise what beliefs linger behind the words?

Themes of abuse are not inherently harmful.

Abuse victims do not always get their feelings validated. Not only that, they may lack a safe space to share their experiences in any form at all. Fiction provides such an outlet.

Are all depictions of abuse good? Well, of course, no. Romanticising abuse justifies it. It normalises it. We should strive not to ever include such a thing in a work. Many hurtful beliefs can be transferred through fiction - “abuse made them stronger”, “abuse made them kinder”, “once abused will turn into the abuser”, “if you were abused, you do not have a choice but to abuse”, “a parent and child always have some magical bond tying them together”. The list goes on and on. Some people use it as a shock factor, something that does not have any lasting and realistic influence over the characters - and that, in my opinion, is disrespectful.

However, if one were to ban abuse from fiction, they would have to cut out all the scenes calling out abuse for what it is. They would have to cut out hopeful stories, to take away from what may lead somebody to realise they are not treated appropriately. People learn through stories too - and some use fiction to process the issues they faced.

Gatekeeping requires proof.

As you might have noticed, I spoke about how themes of abuse resonate with abuse survivors themselves. Of course, some will not need it. Some will avoid the topic completely.

But, the question is: so perhaps, only abuse survivors should be entitled to writing about abuse?

Well... No. First, it requires proof. Then, it would require some sort of grading system - and that by itself is so dehumanising and humiliating I do not think I have to explain it. Also, the fact that somebody survived abuse does not mean they worked through all the toxicity it brought upon them and that they are capable of not repeating the hurtful messages.

Some people survived abuse and they are not aware of it. Does it make them a bad, hideous person if they include themes of what they considered normal in their work? Or perhaps they do not view it as ordinary, but cannot see a reflection of that in their own situation? Are they morally detestable? Or are they a victim?

What can I do?

Does it mean you should approve all depictions of abuse in fiction? No. Absolutely not, never. It means you should be critical about it, and that stigmatising people does not solve the issue.

Be critical of what you read.

Educate yourself on what is and what is not abusive.

If your friend (or a person you feel comfortable pointing it out to) made something toxic seem romantic/normal - tell them. (It can be a rather emotional discussion, so really, make sure you can handle it).

Do your best not to romanticise abuse in your own work.

If you do choose to write about abuse, make sure to label it clearly.

If it is a NSFW type of content, and the characters are acting out a scenario - show that it is a scenario played out between two consenting adults, and that it can and it will end the moment one of them opts out. If it is not consensual and was not meant to be consensual, show it for what it is - abuse.

Educate yourself, and if possible others, on what is and is not appropriate.

And, if you interacted with a piece of media that bothered you personally:

Block the author of it. Do not interact with the rest of their work.

If it is not labelled appropriately, do tell your friends of it. Warn them.

If you enjoy other works by the author and still want to follow them - ask them to label abuse. They may do it, they may not do it. Decide whether you still want to follow them afterwards.

A little bit personal something.

Content Warnings: discussion of abuse, domestic abuse, suicide mentions, self-harm, rape

Well, I never hid the fact that I lived through domestic abuse. There are authors in our fandom whose works I avoid specifically because of their poor handling of themes of abuse at the hands of a parent.

It took me 15 years to find words to describe my pain. I did not know I was abused for the majority of the time it happened. It was my reality - it was just how the world functioned. Did it spill into my early writing? Yes. But not in the ways you would have expected. My characters were not abusive themselves. They idealised suicide. They would hurt themselves, although not with blades or anything of the like - and at the time, I did not know it was self-harm either. In the plot, they were being abused, and they would come out of it victorious.

I am comfortable saying this. But somebody may not be. They may not know yet.

This post was sparked by a person calling people who write rape “sick in the head” (ugh, stigmatisation of mentally ill people aside, at least this time, okay?). I do not condone romanticising rape. It is disgusting, as any form of abuse. I blocked authors who did not label it and thus exposed me to sensitive content without my consent. I did not go through it and I do not wish for anybody to go through it. However, the post lacked this sort of nuance. It was about the entirety of it, however it was handled.

I do not know why somebody writes it. I do not think I have the right to demand an answer to that. I do not have the right to decide who was hurt “bad enough” (as if something like so existed in the first place) to touch the subject.

I also do not want to stigmatise people who did not get proper education on the matter. How many of them were raped and did not know that lack of consent equals rape? How many of them realised or will realise it after years? How many were failed by their education system, were victims to the times they were born in, to the culture?

Because, remember, to plenty people rape is something that happens in the black alley, at hands of a stranger. Not something done by their partner, when they hope to just get done with the thing and move on - after all, it happened to them. And said partner is not a bad person, so how could he do something bad?

I cannot say whether a person is processing something. I cannot say whether a person consumed so much of modern popular media and lacks knowledge and experience necessary to understand that scenes depicted in it are in fact ABUSE. Sometimes I am near stating that media almost conditions us to accept some forms of abuse as normal.

What I can say is that, well, if you make writing about one type of abuse a taboo, another one may follow.

I do not think this approach answers the problem of why do multiple people, across different fandoms and countries, perceive something abusive as “not that bad”, even bordering appropriate. I do not think that stigmatising the people who write such things is going to change much. It will certainly not target the ones who need education.

And well, it removes the opportunities to critically approach the matter. I know it is hard. But people need to understand why certain narrative choices are harmful and hurtful, not just be presented with “writing about abuse is evil”. We still need spaces to safely discuss abuse.

People need to understand why something is bad, not just label it as bad and be done with it.

#lorei spoke

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s11e17 · 3 years

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i feel like a lot of the sam vs. dean dynamic can be better understood when we understand their histories with violence and with agency. like, they both make bad calls and it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. it just means they have completely different approaches to bodily autonomy and consent.

like, if we consider gadreel, right. dean sees staying alive as a duty to your loved ones (e.g. he keeps Bobby in check throughout his suicidality in s6-7 by asking him to stay alive for Dean and Sam), and he sees keeping people alive as the ultimate way to show that you love them (which is why he gets so mad when he finds out sam didn’t look for him when he was in purgatory!). and this is a view sam subscribes to before lucifer — in 2.08, for example, Sam says that staying alive is the best way to honor their dad’s memory.

and then, on the flip side, we’ve got sam. post-lucifer, post-Cage, sam values choice and agency above everything else. his lack of control over his body is pretty explicit from day 1 — the pilot features sam getting kissed without his consent by the woman in white, and it’s a trend that follows him throughout the rest of the show. sam would rather have died than consented to gadreel’s possession — it’s why he says they need to respect castiel’s choice when cas consents to lucifer’s possession in 11.18, even though dean is going absolutely apeshit over the whole situation.

i feel like this boils down to their experiences of possession and agency. sam’s afraid of external forces taking over — demon blood, demonic possession, angelic possession. dean, on the other hand, is afraid of himself — his role as a torturer in Hell, the Mark of Cain, the fact that he blames himself for being coercively attracted to Amara in s11. so they’re both coming at possession from totally different angles.

if we return to gadreel for a sec, sam is clearly thinking of the whole thing as a violation. but dean just sees the violent result (i.e. Kevin’s death) as problematic, and he blames himself for it. he doesn’t see how possession is inherently violating, because he doesn’t have the context for it.

and that’s not his fault! dean’s clearly been through it, i’m not denying that. there’s tons of evidence for Dean as a survivor of sexualized violence (for example, we know based on 7.02 that he encountered vetala, who use sex to lure their prey), and Dean often gets bullied for his “delicate features” (6.01). I feel like the fact that he has clearly and repeatedly experienced objectification of his body and violations of his consent means that he understands sexual violence as a complicated, difficult thing, and sees it as separate from possession.

the only time possession and sexual violence are conflated for dean is in 9.02, when abaddon makes sexually suggestive comments towards dean while trying to remove his anti-possession tattoo. it’s so exceptional that dean comments on it ("Are we going to fight or make out, because I’m getting some mixed signals here”). it’s the exception that proves the rule — usually possession isn’t tied up with sexual violence, so when it is, it’s noteworthy.

for sam, on the other hand, possession and sexual violence are two sides of the same coin. hallucifer’s offhanded “the rapier wit, the wittier rape” in 7.15 is pretty undeniable, alongside his numerous references to them being “bunkmates” (e.g. 11.10) — undoubtedly, lucifer is sam’s rapist. sam’s relationship with ruby is one of consensual-but-complicated sex. toni uses mind-entering magic in 12.02 to coerce sam into sex, thereby getting information out of him.

anyway. all of this is to say that if we can read either sam or dean with some measure of generosity, we can read both of them with that same level of care. dean’s understanding of possession as only potentially evil is a meaningful one. dean never learns the “lesson” Heaven tried to teach him — he continues to have agency over himself and his body (again, until s14, when Michael’s possession fundamentally changes Dean’s understanding of possession). Possession isn’t bad unless it makes you do something you wouldn’t otherwise do. Sam, on the other hand, understands possession as inherently violating.

i think one of the big themes i’m taking away from this fifteen year long saga is the broad theme of agency and the individual experience of autonomy. “team free will” isn’t just a stupid moniker — it’s an assertion of our main characters’ fundamental understanding of their goals and desires in the world (which explains why the show ends with their triumph over a voyeuristic god). in a post-God context (what a phrase.. ahhh supernatural), we have to wonder what free will on an individual level looks like for both sam and dean. now that all of humanity has "free will," what does individual self-determination look like for the lads???

#ofc dean dies like a week or arguably five years after so hmm #anyway #spn meta #consent in supernatural #the winchesters #**

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konaizumi · 3 years

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One of the things that bothers me about xingsi x yongjie is that they don’t match up well as a couple. Like yes, the rape and manipulation has completely turned me off this couple and would overpower everything even if they were a good couple, but yongjie just doesn’t fit xingsi’s needs. They’ve tried to set up this narrative of xingsi needs someone who can confidently stand beside him and come out to his father, and yongjie is ready and willing to do this, ergo, he is a good match. But xingsi needs more than that, he needs someone who will love him selflessly. He needs someone to support him, someone who can give him courage, someone who can make him feel safe. Because xingsi is scared. He’s scared of the world and his sexuality and that he may never have the chance to be happy. He wasn’t even out to his two best friends, though it perhaps understood by all 3 that they knew even if they never talked about it--but the point is that he needs someone who provides security.

And that’s why yongjie isn’t right for xingsi. Because xingsi needs selfless love but yongjie only knows how to love selfishly. The entire time he’s just assumed he knows how xingsi feels and that xingsi does actually like him, even if he’s not aware of it himself. His actions are always centered around getting what he wants, not building up an equal relationship. It’s always ‘how do i make him mine’ and not ‘how do i become his partner.’ It’s a very childish form of love and it shows that he lacks understanding of xingsi, despite the narrative trying to convince us otherwise. Him saying ‘i decided my birthday present would be you’ probably best encapsulates everything i’ve said. And, like I said, xingsi needs safety and comfort but yongjie got him drunk and raped him--a severe violation of his person. It made him feel extremely unsafe and he completely lost confidence in himself, worried about whether it was his fault for what happened or if he influenced his brother (which is obviously bs). Yongjie is literally causing xingsi to experience and feel all his worst fears about his sexuality.

And what does Yongjie do immediately afterward? He goes after xingsi without realizing the kind of reaction xingsi is having. Then, after xingsi makes him leave, rather than reflecting on his actions and trying to understand xingsi, he makes xingsi think he’s going to commit suicide (which i think we can all agree is not an okay thing to do) to scare xingsi back to him. Then he tries to justify his actions with the whole ‘i did it because i love you’ bs. And i know part of it is his own mental health issues that make it hard for him to understand other people and that’s why he doesn’t quite understand xingsi’s reaction, but rather than having xingsi try to explain, the writers have xingsi start to sympathize with his rapist.

Quite frankly, I don’t know how they’re going to try to salvage this relationship at this point. Especially bc they’re not really romanticizing the rape, like they kinda are but they’re also treating it like a severely traumatic experience for xingsi so i’m not sure how they’ll come back from it. Going forward from here, the only narrative the only narrative I think I could accept is yongjie realizing the impact of his actions and how he had misunderstood xingsi, then after a time skip (minimum length of 1 year, preferrably longer) during which yongjie learns how to love people in a healthy, consensual way, and xingsi learns to love himself and not accept any bs, they then are able to start a healthy relationship. I wouldn’t love it, but I could accept it.

But that doesn’t seem to be the way the narrative is going. I think they’re tailoring it to be this: xingsi is scared. Scared of society, scared of himself, scared no one will ever love him enough, that he will never be enough. Finding out yongjie loves him is shocking for multiple reasons and he runs away bc he is scared. But yongjie proves to him how much he loves him and the sheer depths of yongjie’s “unconditional” love (pls mark the sarcasm) will eventually get through to him and reassure him and chase away his insecurities.

Bleh. It’s a shame bc this story and the characters actually had a lot of potential, adn like, the story above sounds good on paper if they had just focused more on yongjie providing a steady sense of comfort and love, even while dealing with his own mental health, rather than yongjie selfishly taking until xingsi gives in. There’s also some meta here on negative conceptions of mental illness but I’m not gonna get into that. Anyways, in conclusion, unless yongjie is able to go through an immense self journey and understand and make up for his wrongs, i just can’t root for this couple.

#history 4 close to you #history 4 #fu yongjie #xingsi #tw: rape

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degenerate-yandere · 4 years

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Damon & Ray Headcanons

Woo boy this took awhile to get through, but here it is! Some general Headcanons for my boys to lay some groundwork, I plan on doing some fics for them very soon.

Ray has some double-ups from a previous post, simply because I wanted this to be the comprehensive post with all their information in one spot, if that makes sense.

Anyway I hope y’all enjoy! This was partly for the beautiful @ramwrites who wanted some Damon content, and who am I to deny the Queen’s request.

Picrews used: Damon, Ray.

TW: Abuse, kidnapping, yandere, violence, implied murder, drugging, non-consensual touching, stalking, obsessive behaviour, possessive behaviour

Damon:

Attraction + Pursuit

Disgust - an ample word to describe Damon’s initial reaction to these newfound emotions that threaten the fortitude of his petrified heart. Every time you cause his breath to hitch in his throat, he’s reminded of just how damn vulnerable you make him; a highly unwelcomed source of insecurity. If Damon hates one thing, it’s being undermined.

As a result of his mounting insecurity, it can be expected that his infatuation, at first, manifests as resentment. Damon will be especially cruel to you - intimidation, bullying, and public degradation are all outlets of his internal frustration. You’ll think he hates you, and maybe a part of him does. He doesn’t feel guilty, no; this is all your fault, you’re the one who makes him feel this way - It’s pathetic. You’re pathetic.

This torment is short-lived however. It’ll come as an epiphany as he towers over you, looking down at your comparatively fragile form. You are pathetic, but more importantly, he isn’t. Damon’s bigger and stronger than you, so what’s stopping him from simply making you his? He’s quick to surmise that he’s entitled to you. All this stems from Damon’s immense ego; an inflated sense of superiority, and a fragile one at that.

As far Damon’s concerned, you need him as much as he needs you. First-hand experience has shown him just how weak and defenseless you are. You need him to keep you safe. He’ll protect you, he likes to keep what’s his intact - unknowing to the fact he’s the exact thing you need to be protected from.

It’ll give you whiplash how fast Damon’s demeanor seems to change. You’ll be lucky to receive a grumbled apology for his past actions. He’ll loom above you nigh constantly, glaring daggers at any who’d approach you. His intimidating presence is enough on its own to isolate you.

It’s important to note Damon’s utter lack of experience. Sure, he’s had numerous flings in the past, but this - this is different. Romance is an alien concept, and courtship is an incomprehensible endeavor. But he tries - he makes an effort to lower his gravelly voice, relaxing his body language and resisting the urge to belittle you. He’ll bring you odd gifts and trinkets, shoving them into your hands with no explanation other than a grunt. You doubt they were acquired through wholesome means. Damon will grumble compliments, ones that, when accompanied with his threatening voice and vulgar verbiage, are often perceived as thinly-veiled threats. He tries, he really does - but his patience is easily waned.

Any inquiries you raise about his insistence on shadowing you are met with a scoff and a disingenuous insult;

“Don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart.”

No matter how many times you ask him, his answer will always be the same - nonchalant and unsatisfactory.

He’ll grow tired if you continue to fear him or try to avoid him. You should be grateful. Damon will resort to threats and manipulation to force you to accept his advances.

Anyone he deems a threat, whether that be individuals he believes might harm you, partners, exes, or even people who simply stare at you too long, will all meet a similar fate - broken, bloodied, and barely recognizable. He likes to take pictures of his hard work, he can’t help but feel a sense of pride as he looks through them. Maybe he’d show you one day, to let you know just how grateful you should be that he’s keeping you safe. There’s a wicked glee he derives from pummeling people for your sake.

Kidnapping is an inevitability; the urge to protect you from those who’d dare to take you away from him, and his selfish desire to own you, will make that decision a definite one.

It’ll be easy - cornering you in some isolated spot late at night, caging you against his built body as he tells you just how long he’s been waiting for this. He’ll overpower you with his abundant brute strength, remarking that the more you struggle, the rougher he’ll be - a promise he makes well on. It’s hard to deny his joy of having you struggle against him, completely at his mercy. It serves as an omen of the life that awaits you.

Post-kidnapping + Punishment

Damon’s captivity is stern and demanding. There is no ’grace period’, no time allocated to allow you to grow somewhat accustomed with the nightmare you’ve been thrust into.

His expectations, as demeaning as they are, are made evident from the beginning. You are to accept his affections, no matter how forceful or rough. You will show him ample appreciation for protecting you, an act which he considers merciful.

Damon is quick to ‘correct your mistakes’, and ensures you never make them again. There’s no restraint, no mercy - but he likes it when you beg anyway.

Punishments are cruel and severe; Taunting you as he holds the cindering end of his cigarette inches above your skin, allowing you to feel the heat emanating from it as you beg and plead - cut short as he presses it against your flesh. Isolation, food deprivation, impassioned beatings - all serving as painful reprimands.

Behind his anger and frustration lies an undeniable sadistic enthusiasm as he punishes you. Damon loves putting you in your place, he adores holding immense power over you.

Bite marks litter your body, purple patches coat your neck - Damon’s constant, little ‘reminders’ to show you who you belong to. His affection is equally barbaric; his touches leave bruises, his kisses result in bloodied, swollen lips.

Don’t squirm when he forces you onto his lap to place kisses along your shoulder, don’t cry when he tightly embraces you in bed, and maybe he’ll be gentle.

His ego is a possible source of exploitation - worship him, tell him how big and strong he is, confess your adoration, and he may just let his guard down.

If you ever consider escape, pray he never finds you. Damon will yank you by the hair as he tells you just how much you’ve fucked up. A series of harsh punishments follow, to ingrain the fact that you belong to him, that you can never escape him. There’s no painkillers, no warning or care as he begins applying painful pressure to your legs. He’ll ensure you can’t run from him again.

Non-Yandere Headcanons

Damon found work as a bouncer for a few years, until he was abruptly fired for hospitalizing a rowdy client. As a result, he’s resorted to… less than ethical means of income.

Damon’s birthday is on March 27th, though he isn’t one to celebrate it.

You bet this dude has a motorcycle, and he treats it like his child.

Damon is built like an absolute tank - a brick wall of raw, hard power. He’s proud of his stature.

He tastes, and often smells, like booze and cigarettes - indicative of his poor habits.

Ray:

Attraction + Pursuit

Ray’s infatuation, a product of a seemingly inconsequential interaction, is quick to fester into enraptured obsession. He’ll form an emotional dependency, a suffocating need, toward the poor soul he’s latched onto.

He’ll find a desire to satiate his growing obsession, to satisfy the numerous questions about you that weigh constantly on his mind. He can’t approach you directly, the very thought makes his heart threaten to leap from his chest. Instead, he’ll opt to stalk you, just so he can learn everything about you. He’ll become acquainted with your place of residence, rifling through your belongings - perhaps even taking some to keep for himself. You could’ve sworn you had more pairs of underwear.

The more he finds out about you, the more ultimately enamoured he becomes. Ray can’t stop thinking about you. That’s when the drawings begin. They start as idle sketches, cute doodles accompanied by scribbled love-hearts. It isn’t long before Ray is struck with grander inspiration, your likeness becoming a mainstake in his manga. He draws panels upon panels of his love-sick longing; taking you on the romantic dates you deserve, heartfelt confessions of love which reek of shoujo cliche, tender kisses and gentle touches. They line the walls of his room, accompanied by the various photographs he’s taken of you - for reference, of course.

That isn’t the extent of his collection, however. Ray keeps a private stash; the outlet for his more salacious desires. He feels somewhat bad about drawing your perfect form in such disgusting, compromising scenarios, but his filthy needs overpower his consideration.

Ray’s rationality, as middling as it is, only erodes as his obsession grows more unrestrained. He’ll be increasingly emboldened, sending you love letters and anonymous text messages with such detail that they establish…. troubling implications.

His gnawing need for you only grows further. It keeps him up at night, his fingers shakely caressing your clothes desperately hoping it’ll bring him comfort. He wants to rip his hair out sometimes - he just wants to touch you, he wants to love you, he needs you more than anything.

Ray isn’t a violent man, but if anyone threatens his one-sided relationship with you, well - he can’t let that happen. A baseball bat, and the lovestruck conviction to swing it, work wonders at remeding his problems. He doesn’t mean to hurt anyone, he frantically tells himself as he washes the blood from his hands.

He eventually reaches the conclusion that he has to take you. The very thought of you being swept away, abandoning him, is enough to make his decision a certainty. Ray assures himself that it’s what’s best for you - he can take care of you, keep you safe and secure.

Unlike Damon, Ray goes about his kidnapping with significantly more finesse. He can’t stand the thought of hurting you - he’ll instead opt to slip something in your drink, or ambush you with a strong-smelling rag against your nose.

Post-kidnapping + Punishment

You’ll wake up, gagged and handcuffed to his bedpost; This marks the beginning of your ‘relationship’. He’ll try desperately to tell you he won't hurt you, to convince you that he just wants to help you. His fingers seem magnetised to you, itching and yearning to feel you beneath them. The blazing blush across his face, the bashful grin adorning his lips, and the utterly deranged adoration that speckle his eyes betray just how content he is.

He’ll be quick to show you just how much he loves you; flicking through all his artwork of you, reaffirming that it’s all been for you.

Ray is patient, understanding, but completely overbearing. When he sees how terrified you are he can’t help but coil himself around you and mutter reassurances against your skin - even if he’s the very source of your fear

“It’s okay, everything’s going to be okay. I-I have you now, you d-don’t have to be afraid anymore”.

It won’t take long to realize just how needy he is - his touch-starved skin rarely leaving yours. He relishes in your sweet touch, nuzzling against you as his arms wrap around you, his fingers exploring every inch of your flesh. Whines and groans escape him whenever he’s deprived of your addictive touch.

Ray’s insists on feeding you, sitting you on his lap as he plays video games or draws, pulling you close and burying his nose in your hair as he drifts to sleep. His kisses, as rare as they are without your consent, are sloppy and inexperienced - but laced with such a raw, unrestrained need.

Lives for your praise and validation, outright begging for it. His heart swells at any crumbs he can extrapolate. You stared at his artwork? You must love it! You didn’t flinch away when he kissed you? You must want him just as much as he wants you.

Ray isn’t one for punishments, he couldn’t bring himself to willingly hurt his precious darling. If you grow violent or reckless, he’ll simply pin you down and wait out your little outburst.

But if he ever fears you may leave him, or if you ever manage to escape and he catches you - he has no quarrels about doing anything if it means you can’t escape. The thought of you abandoning him makes him completely unhinged. Ray’ll do whatever it takes, even if it means hurting you. He’ll cry and scream, begging you to tell him why ‘you’re making him do this’.

“Y-You can’t leave me! Don’t you get it?! I-I can’t live without you!”

Non-yandere Headcanons

Ray’s birthday is on October 10th, although he never usually has anyone to celebrate with...

Despite his shut-in nature, Ray likes to remain fit. He frequents the gym at his apartment complex (at night of course; less people). He did martial arts during his teenage years, and reluctantly joined his school’s volleyball team. This results in a lean physique comprised of sinewy, surprisingly strong muscles - all the better to restrain protect his darling.

He makes money from his web manga and commissions, as well as working part time at a videogame store. Has a surprisingly good work ethic.

Survives off the college diet of caffeine and ramen - but he’ll try his damndest to change it if his darling is less than receptive of his refined cuisine.

His hygiene… isn’t the best. He’s a firm believer that a shower can be replaced with spraying oneself with copious amounts of cheap, intoxicatingly strong body spray.

#yandere #yandere x reader #tw abuse #tw yandere #yandere x you #yandere oc #yandere ocs #yandere oc x reader #oc #ocs #my writing #my ocs #ray #damon #ray x reader #damon x reader #yandere headcanons #yandere imagines

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sometipsygnostalgic · 3 years

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Adventure Time Reviewed - Season 1 Episode 6 to Episode 8

From The Jiggler to Business Time

S1E06 The Jiggler

This one is about the cautions of adopting cute little forest animals. I wonder why Finn and Jake are covered in so many bite marks? Why was that kingdom on fire? What was going on? How much trouble can one watermelon get into? Anyway this is the first episode to feature Finn’s autotune voice. I can’t remember the last episode he said something in autotune - there was the s6 finale, then a few scenes in season 7.

When they take the Jiggler back home, they Get Creative and escalate until they destroy their entire house interior. I think Princessss made an AMV Nightosphere gag about this. I love how chiptune noises play every time the Jiggler moves on day 1.

I always loved this episode. I thought it was very disturbing when the Jiggler gets sick, and then explodes. It reminds me of failed attempts to save birds or insects after my cats have gotten to them. I can relate so much to Finn and Jake here. Poor Jake having to keep himself together and look after his traumatized little bro. I love the OST of this ep. The soundtrack was uploaded to soundcloud once, along with Ricardio the Heart Guy. I love how artistic this ep is with the edible drawings and the painting of the jiggler’s mom. Very bright and colourful. I always found the momma jiggler’s cry to be... weirdly genuine.

S1E07 Ricardio the Heart Guy

This ep starts with Finn saving PB from Ice King, who humorously kisses Jake’s butt. PB gives Finn a kiss on the.... neck? hat? as thanks, and Finn’s crush truly begins. Oooooh boy. I always wondered in hindsight why Pb let the ice king roam free to begin with. That question is raised later in this season. Ice King kidnaps dozens of princesses daily and roams free, but Princess Cookie starts 1 hostage situation and is locked up forever. In the ep What Have You Done, it’s reasoned IK can only be punished for recent crimes, but... ehh, there are a few reasons. Pity? Old ties? Maybe she doesnt want to lock up a pathetic old man forever. There are some really funny statues of Finn and Jake in the castle, they look buff. I wonder who made these? PB commissioning them makes a lot of sense. Hey, it’s Peppermint Butler’s first speaking lines!!! “This style of massage is called Best Friend Massage. Because it can only be done for friends. It is completely consensual.” Well the first line from Ricardio the Rapist Stand-in is already incredibly sus. What’s even more sus is he’s apparently friends with LSP. I find it interesting that Ricardio is so intelligent. This must have been one of the motivators behind making Simon really smart. Ricardio is his heart, at the end of the day. Oh, Simon at the end of the show still has maracas in place of a heart. I wonder if that has health complications?

“I hear you appreciate ancient technology.” This is foreshadowing of MULTIPLE things now. One - Ice King being pre-war. Two - PB building everything out of pre-war technology. Three - The fact there was a war to begin with!!!!

Jake is trying to help Finn deal with his new emotions of jealousy (burning low war flashbacks) and he’s once again trying to make him happy, Jake never once considered the logistics of whether Finn and PB would ever actually go out, because it was far more important to him that Finn grow up and have the courage to listen to his heart. Jake encourages Finn’s crush to a fault, and provides lots of support to him when he’s heartbroken later on.

I love how PB and Ricardio were talking about dangerous micro-organisms and poor Finn has no idea how to approach the topic. I love how Zanoits are actualy dangerous and Ricardio uses them as a poison later. Anyway even PB can tell Finn is jealous. Finn is of the idea that she has no idea of his crush on her. Of course she knows. But from her side it’s exactly the same as Baby-snaps wanting to be a princess, or every other candy person doting on her - she thinks it’s adorable and completely fails to take the other person seriously. At least, until Braco comes along. Then you realise it’s a good thing she didn’t take Finn seriously, because she might have done something ridiculous like make him a robot clone of herself.

Holy shit, the duck from The Vault! I just made a post about it.

Anyway this ep provides a challenge to Finn or a test of his character, ironically through his own test of Ricardio’s character! Finn gets obsessed with proving Ricardio evil to the point that he gets easily baited into punching him, and doesn’t care that the Ice King is basically dying. Poor Ice King. At least Jake is here to approach the situation with a level head.

I was wondering as of late, with all the post-Obsidian sexuality discourse (in no way ignited by that one towel scene), whether PB was interested in Ricardio during this ep. It’s possible, and in the past, I thought “maybe”? But upon rewatch? No. She is only interested for as long as she can have scientific discussions with him, and as soon as his knowledge becomes lacking she has already used him for all hes worth. SAVAGE. But not as savage as him trying to rip out her heart. Ew, creep!!!

I should say that Ice King wanted to cast a spell that would force PB to fall in love with him. He’s NOT safe, he’s dangerous. He’s especially a danger to PB. He does kill her twice at the end of season 2, after all. Once again I don’t know why she hasn’t locked him up LOL. Anyway, even if he did cast a love spell, she wouldn’t change any of her decisisons. It’d just make her sad, like it did at the end of The Suitor. There was that one time PB tried to make a love potion but we don’t talk about that. Ice King does demonstrate some concern for Bubblegum’s welfare when he reveals Ricardio’s plan to literally murder her. Ricardio’s plan here is pretty slapstick violent, and it’s funny watching Finn beat him up, but when he returns in season 4, it’s far more... personal and insidious. As in, here he could be seen as a jokey stand-in for a predator creep, but in that later episode he 100% sexually threatens her and forces her into a non consensual relationship, making it very satisfying when PB beats the shit out of him instead.

Holy fuck I forgot about this joke. Golden.

S1E08 Business Time

For some reason, I don’t feel like there’s a lot to say about this ep. It doesn’t demonstrate any remarkable characteristics of Finn and Jake themselves. Instead, it seems to be more of an inside joke.

When they find the business men, Finn and Jake at first feel like the business men are helping them work more effectively with their assists. However, the boys end up just being lazy, and not realizing that their workers are messing everything up. You can sympathise for the business men because they’re just doing what they were told to do. This all seems to be metaphorical for when Pen and Patrick McHale started work on the show, and they got tons of help from Cartoon Network staff. They wanted to do everything by themselves, but ended up having to delegate. Maybe they feel lazy for it?

What makes this episode EXTRA SPECIAL, however, is its confirmation of the Great Mushroom War. By the time the season had released, the first shot of the intro was already Mushroom War bombs. There was also a reference to the war in the previous episode, where PB and Ricardio shared an interest in “ancient technology”. However, the only reason those references exist is because of THIS episode - This is the one they were working on when they decided it should be post-apocalyptic. They made the human zombies, and the icebergs filled with human junk, and then every GMW reference we see in the show is down to this decision.

I enjoy the physicality of this ep. Finn and Jake crash through the entire gauntlet. Finn’s still wearing his fire resistant glove as he does it. They get covered in bruises, because they... like pain? I liked when you could see Finn’s sword legit being shinier, and his shoes having bouncing noises. And I want to be hydrated! I loved how smushy Jake was when he became an ice cream monster. I love the colours of the Fluffy People. S1 has this unique art style compared to the rest of the series. They often draw white outlines to white things, it works nice here.

#adventure time #adventure time reviewed

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aseriesofunfortunatejan · 4 years

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In defense of Mika Shimotsuki (season 2)

I watched Psycho-Pass Season 2 for the first time back when it came out and my apologies if it has changed since, but I remember the general consensus being that Shimotsuki sucks a load of ass.

Now that I’m done rewatching it, I’m ready to play devil’s advocate.

Note that I haven’t seen Season 3 yet and I’m choosing to write down my thoughts as of now in order to better revisit them after that.

First of all, wait, that’s who she was? How could I not notice? This immediately makes her more awesome.

My main argument will be that putting aside the kind of person she is, Mika is one of Season 2′s best characters.

I think everyone will agree that season 2 was much too short. Many plot points were rushed, even more so those that should’ve equated to character development. A few characters were introduced only to be killed off immediately afterwards (may Aoyanagi and Kaede rest in peace) and many were shoved to the side, as the show didn’t have enough time to focus on them. This is how Ginoza’s grief over Aoyanagi happens off-stage and Shion and Kunizuka don’t fuck nearly enough.

Shimotsuki’s arc, however, is perfectly well-rounded. While Tsunemori remains the main character, the show doesn’t shy off showing Shimotsuki’s thoughts, feelings, and important encounters. At the end of the day, everything she thinks, everything she does makes sense. Her train of thought is perfectly fluid.

Now, I’d like to mention something which I think she suffered from. However, I couldn’t tell for sure whether that is also due to this season being too short or that was meant to be - and this is the part where I think Tsunemori messed-up.

At no point in season 2 does anyone stop to have a chat with Shimotsuki. She also makes it clear in early episodes she doesn’t feel like Tsunemori trusts her, even though she has been working for the Bureau for one year and half. We know that she started off as a minor, and yet, she receives no guidance that we know of.

We know that she wouldn’t listen to Ginoza even if he tried, and that Kunizuka isn’t particularly eloquent. Guiding her should be Tsunemori’s responsibility, and yet... she keeps trying to do things on her own, and when she does focus on the capacities of her team, as part of her job, all she focuses on are the Enforcers. Tsunemori knows for certain what task to give new Enforcer Hinakawa (God Bless His Soul™), and yet she never seems to take a moment and discuss or research what Shimotsuki would like to do, or congratulate her when she did a good job. (While she’s completely incompetent on the field, Shimotsuki makes a smart researcher, but I’ll come back to that in a few.)

Now, by no means am I trash-talking Tsunemori. She knows things secret to the rest of the world, and she has many responsibilities her coworkers don’t even suspect - she’s also trying her best to make the world a better place with the few abilities she has. Tsunemori is badass and strong and I love her. Yet... She’s only human, and I think she made a mistake.

I know this is from Season 1, but how am I supposed to find a good screenshot without stumbling upon Season 3 spoilers?

Tsunemori is trying to do things her own way, and with good reason, but Shimotsuki is completely out of the loop. She spends most of Season 2 trying to do what she thinks is right by stopping Tsunemori, because she has genuinely no idea how what she’s doing could possibly be the right thing. Tsunemori doesn’t even act particularly friendly, as she brushes her off when she asks how she’s doing after a battle. There definitely is reason for Shimotsuki to think Tsunemori is going astray.

Tsunemori doesn’t actually want a partner, she’s okay with only having Enforcers, since she trusts them completely. Actually, she could probably deal with pretending Ginoza’s still an Inspector. It’s not her fault Shimotsuki wound up in her team - being that of the only Inspector to know Sybil’s secret -, but it’s not Shimotsuki’s either.

In any case, Shimotsuki tries to find someone she can trust within Kasei. She files her best reports in hopes to fix the situation at hand, all on her own since she doesn’t feel like she can trust her team, and that’s when Kasei stabs her in the back.

Uh-oh.

This is where everything goes downhill, and I think this scene is what showcases Shimotsuki’s weakest point the most efficiently.

She’s smart, and she can definitely tell when something’s going wrong, but she doesn’t want to know the truth. She’s not mature enough to handle it. She screams in terror when Kasei tells her she will reveal Sybil’s entire secret. When she has, she doesn’t even want to think about the bad implications of what she just learned - she forces a facade upon herself, immediately accepting that Sybil must be perfect. Oh, she’s definitely a good toy to the cruel mind of Sybil.

And yet, I think Sybil made a mistake by hiring her as an Inspector.

Mika isn’t a bad person in the least, nor is she incapable, but it’s obvious that she can’t take a decision on the field. She’s far too immature for that - or should I say, she doesn’t want to take control. She wants to be able to ignore what’s wrong (so she tried to do in Season 1, even though she knew where to look) by following Sybil’s orders. This sounds like the perfect citizen for Sybil, but it’s not what they need at the Bureau. Even though Shimotsuki has good instinct and knows how to research the information she needs, she can’t - because she doesn’t want to - counteract Sybil’s weaknesses.

This is why Sybil needs someone like Tsunemori.

Sybil’s ideal Bureau would know their secret and be ready to defend it, yet they can’t allow just anyone to know, as most of the population isn’t ready to learn such a thing. Shimotsuki perfectly showcases that by avoiding to think about it, else her hue would likely darken.

Anyway, this isn’t about Sybil.

I can’t really defend her lack of attempt to avoid abiding to Tougane’s blackmailing other than by saying the ending of Season 2 was particularly rushed and we didn’t get to see her internal fight enough. This is the only time Shimotsuki’s actions aren’t the focus when they should have been.

It does highlight her lack of self-will. She is unable to take a decision on her own... No matter how much it hurts her. Similarly, she wasn’t capable of pulling the trigger on Tougane.

So, what’s my defense of Mika Shimotsuki?

As a character, she is the best Season 2 has to offer.

As a person, she would do an amazing office-worker.

What led her to the Bureau were probably her great thinking abilities and whatever her past trauma made her wish. Either she wanted to work on Kunizuka’s side, or she wanted to be able to protect people with her abilities, unlike she had when she led her best friend to death by refusing to act...

Unfortunately, she isn’t strong enough yet.

Shimotsuki is much too immature, but if she manages to grow up, I think she could do great things. Unfortunately, the environment she’s in might only make her worse - a youth spent in a closed environment, untrustworthy coworkers (from her point of view), guilt and secrets she didn’t want to learn might make her want to indulge in her flaws.

I haven’t heard much good about season 3, but I hope she remains a good character.

#psycho-pass #psycho pass #mika shimotsuki #shimotsuki mika #psycho-pass 2 #psycho pass 2 #psycho-pass season 2 #psycho pass season 2 #jan essay

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loveylangdon · 5 years

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Satisfied pt. 4

a/n: I am sooo sorry for such a late post ive learned when I give myself a deadline it rarely goes my way. I hope you guys enjoy. somewhat undedited please bear with me ive been sick for a couple of days and sick brain doesn't agree with me This doesn’t feel like my best work but feedback is always welcome thank yall soo much XX

masterlist in bio

Word count: 2.5k

*not my gif credit to owner*

“Connor fucking Brashier open this god damn door” you yelled leaning against it pounding your fist on the white wood.

This was bullshit, utter bullshit.

You talked to Brian 2 days ago about everything.

How it happened and how it didn’t change the way anyone felt about anything. You were drunk and Brian was probably a little more emotionally involved than you were, you were hurt to find out he wasn’t as gone as you were. He seemed to remember everything.

It sent you into a frenzy how could he consciously have taken advantage of your inhibited state, it felt like a betrayal. In actuality, both of you had foggy brains you just a bit more than him. Still, he knew how you felt about Shawn, why would he go and mess up a good thing.

That's where you both fucked up, you going to the first person connected to Shawn wanting to feel closer to him when the real reason Shawn didn’t fly home was that he flew to Amsterdam to meet up and sleep with some girl who lives there.

Brian thought he liked you, he liked the idea of what Shawn had with you. Someone who would wait around and answer every beck and call. You felt used and taken advantage of when Brian apologized profusely and started crying in front of you. You knew you guys should just blame it on the alcohol. Involving emotions was too real and too much. Involving a one-sided emotion would only end up with someone getting hurt and a worse situation.

Coming to a consensus you were both drunk, drunk beyond relief and he was tipsy enough to not think clearly put two of those people in a room, both of them needy and horny and you wake up the next morning having slept with one of your best friends.

While you and Brian talked about it you still felt gross, he knew you missed Shawn, he knew you were drunk and Brian took his chance thinking maybe you would want him instead. A school crush gone wrong he said. He also talked to Shawn or stopped honestly once he found out Shawn wasn’t talking to you ‘it takes two and it wasn’t just you, I did more of the work if anything’ he spoke out making you cringe. But like the adults, you both are you talked it through and got over it.

Here you were locked in Connor Brashier’s bedroom with the one and only Shawn Mendes after tweedle dee and tweedle dumb thought this was the only way to get you and Shawn talking again. Connor stuck by his “Talk to Brian first and then Shawn” bullshit and here you were trapped.

“Connor fucking Brashier open this god damn door I swear to god blue eyes you won’t look so cute when I get my hands on you” you yelled leaning against it pounding your fist on the white wood harder in hopes he would actually listen and unlock you and Shawn from the confinements of his room.

Shawn started chuckling looking over your shoulder at him he laid down on Connors bed arm draping over his eyes as he let out a sigh.

“He’s not coming back to open the door, They left” He spoke out towards you

Your eyes getting big “What?!” You asked surprised, your voice getting higher

“Yah Connor told me him and Brian had plans later tonight I assumed it was all of us just us two tagging along. Guess they really did have plans that didn’t involve us.” He turns onto his side and looks at you still leaning against the door.

Huffing you put your back to it and cross your arms over your chest “Okay Mendes this is where the gym comes in handy use your big ass arms and break the door” you speak seriously at him as his eyes get wide and he goes into a belly laugh “What? What's funny” you ask

“I am not breaking Tiny’s door” he chuckles looking at you

Raising your eyebrow up at him “What your muscles aren’t strong enough or you aren’t paying him enough to replace a piece of wood” you fire at him annoyed and wanting to get out of this tense atmosphere

Hurt flashed across his face “Why do you do that always taking a dig at me no matter what we’re talking about” he rolls back onto his back looking up at Connors ceiling going quiet. Leaving you both to your thoughts and confused mindset.

“Maybe if you kept your dick in your pants we wouldn’t even be in this situation” you mumbled under your breath rolling your eyes looking at the floor.

“Excuse me?” Shawn asked offended, hurt evident in his voice as he stood from the bed clearly having heard your comment.

“What,” you asked innocence in your voice “Did I lie?” You shoot at him hoping the more upset the more he would want out. While he actually had the strength to get you guys out he seemed unfazed by being confined within the 4 walls.

“How- What the actual fuck y/n are you serious right now?” He asks looking at you arms crossed over his own chest

“I mean obviously Connor and Brian locked us in here to talk so lets do it” you shrug and look up at him challenging him. You can see the defeat and mix of emotions in his eyes

“We’re not talking about where my dick has been” he huffs at you jaw clenched

“What why not too many girls to remember” you start “or do you only remember the pretty ones?” Raising your hand to hold your chin between your thumb and index finger you continue ”oh or the ones who take your phone and follow themselves on Instagram while you go down on them in a stall” You fire at him snapping your thumb 3 times for emphases. getting heated “You know what you probably only remember the ones that blew you in public huh, those real keepers a girl who will get on her knees for you at your convince”

You can see his jaw clench “This isn’t about me and you know it” he shoots at you while his neck is starting to turn a shade of pink and you can see his veins becoming prominent as it pulses in his neck

“Oh yeah right sorry, its about me being drunk and sleeping with one person who knew I was in love with you right” you shoot at him standing up straight his eyes going soft as you say the L word but you continue anyway “he knew but decided to sleep with me anyways while I couldn’t even fucking stand straight but its my fault right, because I couldn’t keep my legs closed when all I thought about was you” you yell at him fire coming out of your ears “yah I forgot you misogynistic asshole who doesn’t even have the decency to tell me when he’s slept with another girl but expects me to be the virgin fucking Mary when he leaves without a phone call” you scream at him and feel the tears in your eyes you turn quickly and push at the doorknob again with your entire body, back facing Shawn.

“y/n” Shawn starts

“Save it I don’t care” you whimper out pushing against the door again hoping with the rush of adrenaline was enough to give you super strength “I just want out” you growl in a low tone

You feel Shawn behind you and you move out of the way and wipe your eyes with your hand. moving around Shawn and through Connors room looking for the trophy he talks about but hates so much. Grabbing it from the top shelf of his you move back to the door and bump shoulders with Shawn who looks down at you confused.

Using the platform of the trophy you hit it against the doorknob where it's connected to the wood hoping the force and your rush of adrenaline would be enough to damage its hold and break you free from the confinements of your love confession and Shawns lack of.

“Woah Woah what are you doing you’re gonna break the trophy” Shawn comes over and pries the gold statue from your hands as you try to hold onto it surprise and shock clear in his voice as he tries to soothe you out of whatever brain fog seems to have its hold on you

“Fuck off Shawn I want out” you try to push him away with your shoulder still holding onto the trophy but he’s stronger and gently pries your fingers off holding the gold thing above your head.

“Breaking Connors shit isn’t going to help anything” he looks you in the eyes holding your gaze so you know he’s serious and you feel a wave of emotions wash over you. “They wanted us to talk things out not break shit” he huffs placing the trophy out of your reach you can tell he’s no longer angry at your attacks against him and he looks at you with soft eyes.

Emotions are surfacing and you can feel it. The room is thick with emotion and tension. You’re not so sure if Connor and Brian wanted you to talk things out or shut up and fuck each other. Seeing how this could have gone both ways you chuckle and curse Connor because knowing him he wanted the ladder so he can stop hearing you both complain.

You turn back to the door and start lightly kicking it gauging shawns reaction and turn your head to see his head in his hands chuckling lightly

“you’re going to be the death of me” he speaks out lowly and groans

“Maybe if you kicked this door down you could have a higher life expectancy,” you say knocking on the door lightly with your hand. You don't hear a response from him and you turn around slowly.

He's looking at you with the softest expression ever and suddenly you feel like crying again.

He takes a deep breath and he’s about to speak before he can you cut him off

“don’t” you look at him with pleading eyes and you see him furrow his eyebrows

“I-” you see him shake his head confusion Clear on his features

You sigh “Don’t get serious on me Mendes I don’t want to start crying and it's not going to change anything I get it.” You give him a soft smile “I slept with your best friend I would hate me too don’t need to apologize for something you’re going to hold against me forever.” You shrug your shoulders and look away from him picking at your nails “Don’t act like we can get past this because at first I thought we could and then you reacted the way you did and I knew we wouldn’t be able too.” You look at him and tilt your head so it's resting on your shoulder softly “We won’t get past this you can apologize and I can apologize and we can both accept that we’re sorry for doing what we did or how we reacted but in reality, you aren’t. You’re not sorry and I'm not gonna sit here and hear you say those words and not mean them. And quite frankly I don’t want this new image you have of me to overtake the good one, you’re going to resent me or Brian and I already know it's going to be me so don’t make it any harder for both of us. Just don’t apologize for it okay I get it” you shrug again biting your lip. you feel tears welling up in your eyes and you sigh looking at the ceiling

He can apologize all he wants but he’s never truly going to forgive you and you know if anything or any type of relationship was to ensue after this he was going to use Brian against you any chance he got because he was guilty of the same thing. Is guilty of doing the exact same thing sleeping with another person. That's what hurt the most, not that he was mad at you for sleeping with Brian that he was mad at himself for doing it more than you have and you never calling him out for it. The guilt was eating at him and you saw it.

You heard him take a deep breath

“I can never resent you” you hear him get up and walk over to you cautiously

You look at him but not up at him and see that he’s right in front of you, you feel him wrap his arms around you cautiously and pull you into his chest you don’t know you’re crying until you feel the wet blotches on his shirt and he’s repeatedly telling you how sorry he is in your ear. You feel his heartbeat and his arms tightly around you his head on top of yours and know that this is home.

----

a/n: sorry again for the late upload I've been dealing with a lot and this story isn’t feeling like its flowing idk. Thank you all for the kind words feedback is greatly appreciated masterlist can be found in bio xx

some of the tags weren't working im sorry

Tag list: @anyasthoughts @haileyofthefandoms @winterin127 @ucanttakemyyouth @turtoix @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @shawn-youth @unsolvedhearts @shawn-youth @mariamuses @crowdedimagines @lovablefangirl @sixwyrxstuff @ivegotparticulartaste @shawnandconnor @dreamersseeincolor

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes x you #shawn mendes au #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes blurb #connor brashier #connor brashier x reader

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lucentshadow · 4 years

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Favourite stories

Or more like stories i still think about even thought it was years since i read/watched them. I made this list to kind of make myself think what i actually like about them. If you have any recommendations based on this list feel free to let me know. Here is just a list, more under the cut.

Psycho Pass

The Bartimaeus trilogy

Les Miserables

Brave new world

Démon súhlasu

Powers

Books by Jane Austen

Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron

Megamind

Martin Eden

My youth romantic comedy is wrong as I expected

Disclaimer: I just want to point out some stuff i personally liked about these stories. This is by no means a complete assessment of them, i know there’s more in them then i absorbed the last time i watched or read them.

Psycho Pass

In Japan Sibyl system judges people based on their crime coefficient – the likelyhood of them commiting a crime and being dangerous to other people. Those with high crime coeficient but no criminal history are called latent criminals and they are taken away from society and put into rehabilitation centers, which mostly means they’ll never get back out. Some latent criminals can under strict conditions leave the center and help in police investigation as Enforcers – hunting dogs for Inspectors.

There’s a lot i like about this series. The setting is interesting, the villain has kind of an interesting point, and then there are characters. Characters in this series are in my opinion not examined and developed as they could be, except for a few. That being said, Ginoza Nobuchika is one of my all time favourite characters. As an inspector, he wants to do what‘s right and believes Sibyl is the only right way to do that. So he strictly keeps in line, even tries to despise people closest to him who became enforcers, because if Sibyl is right, then they were in the wrong . Stuff happens of course and whole his character development is wonderful, but i won’t spoil anything more. And then there’s Akane. A role model. I love how Akane can think about crimes without ever affecting her crime coefficient (which is something that sent a few people to the enforfcers camp) and that’s because in the end her ultimate motive is to protect people and the law.

The Bartimaeus trilogy by Jonathan Stroud

The government of Britain consists of magicians – caste of people with knowledge to summon and control demons, who then have to obey them. With their powers, magicians control the rest of the population, keeping them away from education and true source of their power. We follow three main characters – Nathaniel „John Mandrake“, sold by his parents to become a magician and to believe magicians are what keeps the country safe, working his way up the power ladder to become part of the British government, djinni Bartimaeus, summoned by Nathaniel, and determined to make Nathaniels life as miserable and troublesome as he can while he is forced to obey him, and Kitty Jones, a commoner, determined to tear down magicians rule.

If you ever thought that it was unrealistic how wizards in Harry Potter decided to hide from Muggles instead of taking control over the world, than i present you with Bartimaeus, where privileged caste of magicians controls commoners by power gained by exploitation of demons.

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

So, i only watched two movies and read about 250 pages from the book, but let me tell you, Jean Valjean is one my favourite characters ever. I love what kind of a person he becomes even after everything he’s been through. I still have to read the whole book, though.

Brave new world by Aldous Huxley

People are born in the factory, they are conditioned to enjoy their life in a prescribed way, to fulfil every pleasure, to eradicate every negative feeling by drugs, and then to die and be recycled. People are conditioned to like the way they will lead their lives. So what is a meaning of life then? Is the meaning of life to find happiness? To be entertained? What if we get that and we are always etertained, we are always happy. What then? And what do we need to sacrifice to get that?

Démon súhlasu („Demon of consensus“ or „Demon of agreement“) by Dominik Tatarka

Written in 1963 in communistic Czechoslovakia, this short story talks about a difference between a public and private consensus and how there is a discord between these two when a person becomes a pawn. I don‘t think there is an english translation of this book, but thanks to the style of the writing I’m afraid about a half of the quality would be lost in translation anyway. But here is my rough translation of a short quote i like:

A pawn is a man, who in the name of his conviction agrees to be promoted to a position, for which he‘s not enough. A pawn is a role that a man plays, only plays, terribly plays. A pawn is a role, in which a man plays, that nothing is his fault, that over there higher up are the officials, who instead of him think, speak, plan, for him they decide, for him they take responsibility.

A pawn used to believe in his conviction, now he doesn‘t even believe.

A pawn can this way think,to be a righteous man, who got of the path only because of a general change.

A pawn is a beast, a pawn is a dangerous man, class enemy.

Powers by Ursula K. Le Guin

Main character grows up as a slave, but for a long time he doesn‘t see it as something that wrong, he doesn‘t rebel, and he even kind of advocates for it being that way. Family who owns him gives him education and he‘s growing up with children of the Family, playing games as if they were on the same side. There is a particular part of this story i think about from time to time. After stuff happens, he looses interest in the world and he‘s not in his actions, none of what he‘s doing has any meaning for him, everything he does is automatic and he let‘s the world decide his next course in life. And i can feel that.

Books by Jane Austen

I remember i read Pride and prejudice in the first year of high school when i started reading classics. To be honest, i did not really understand it, just some kind of story about love i guess. I picked it up a few years later and found a witty ironic narrator talking about a women from a social class, who can‘t work because they don’t have to and that way work is considered beneath them, and any exertion is considered unnecessary attention-seeking and is looked down upon. If there’s not much to inherit and you can‘t live of your work, the only way to secure a living is to get married well.

Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron

Okay, so, the main character is a horse. And he‘s the strongest willed horse alive. This story is basically the world trying to break him, and i have to tell you, i love seeing him disapoint . There is no need for a character development, Spirit is already perfect at the beginning, he knows his place in the world, cares about his herd and all he wants is to be with them and to be free. To be honest, the animals not talking is a great choice here. There‘s a line from one of the songs that i remember from time to time: If you loose yourself, your courage soon will follow. So be strong tonight, remember who you are.

Megamind

Megamind‘s whole life was dedicated to defeating Metroman and to rule Metrocity, altough because of Metroman mostly he just end’s up in jail. But finally one day (thanks to an accident) he beats the superhero and becomes the most powerful person in the city. That‘s about ten minutes in the movie. However, as days go by he comes to the conclusion that his life without Metroman, his nemesis, lacks meaning. So he devises a plan to create himself a new superhero to fight. Superhero burnout, how our surroundings influence if we become good or evil, power not corrupting people just giving them a way to show who they‘ve always been, and more.

Martin Eden by Jack London

Poor sailor saves a life of a man from higher society. When he meets the man‘s sister, he falls in love with her and starts educating himself to get to her level. And so the story of hypocrisy, shallowness and social injustice begins. As much as i’m still frustrated about the ending, the story itself still comes to my mind from time to time, but i have to reread it someday because i read it only once and it was a very long time ago, so i know there was a ton of themes and content that flew over my head at that time.

My youth romantic comedy is wrong as i expected by Wataru Watari

This has a certain similarities to Catcher in the rye, mostly in style. Main character Hachiman Hikigaya is an unpopular high scholler without friends but with massive defence mechanisms to help him deal with his life. Great inner monologues.

Honorable mentions: Gattaca, Interstellar, Dark knight, Truman show, Brothers Karamazov, Coco, Brother bear, Matrix, Hamlet, Mucha do about nothing, Aoharu x kikanjuu(no seriously, this is hilarious), King of Attolia, Epos of Gilgamesh, Into the wild, Back to the future, stories by Božena Slančíková Timrava, Mulan, Fate/Zero

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twentiethcenturymoviesandtv · 4 years

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‘Watching A Movie Wrong?’: Subjectivity vs. Objectivity

Tell me if this sounds familiar.

You pick out a movie to watch one evening, something that you’re kind of excited about. Maybe it’s a new movie that’s been getting great reviews. Maybe it’s something all of your friends recommend. Maybe it’s an old classic, something like Citizen Kane, Sunset Boulevard, or Gone with the Wind. Either way, you sit down, perhaps with arms full of snacks, and high expectations, starting the film and leaning back, anticipating an enjoyable and enlightening evening, anxious to see what the fuss is about.

You sit through the film, trying to pay attention, or pick out some engaging scenes to talk about with your friends, but you’re finding it hard to find anything you like. You can’t relate to the characters, and you can’t seem to get invested in the story. Halfway through the movie, you’re thinking to yourself: It has to get better, right? This is supposed to be a great movie!

The film ends, and you sit on your couch, confused and disappointed. You don’t get it. What made this movie so great?

You think to yourself: What happened here? Did I watch this movie wrong?

Whether this scenario has happened to you or not, there are many cases in all of our lives where we’ve found ourselves at odds with the critics, be it in film or any other category. That’s why today, we’re going to be taking a look at the good old fashioned debate that usually resurfaces every Oscar season: Subjectivity vs. Objectivity.

Or, in other words: Personal Opinion vs. Critical Consensus.

Let’s be honest, it’s close to impossible to get away from the word of others when it comes to entertainment.

When you pick up a DVD case, it’s plastered with words of praise from critics. If you look a film up, you access IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes, or Google’s ratings and rankings. Your friends rave about an old classic that you missed or a new release that you haven’t seen yet. Oftentimes, when we get a look at what others say, we can end up feeling a little like we’ve done something wrong when our opinions don’t match up, leading us to come to one of two conclusions:

Conclusion 1: The critics are right and I’m doing this wrong.

Conclusion 2: I’m right, and the critics (and everyone else) are doing this wrong.

So, which is it? Is it one or the other, or does it depend on the movie?

Well, the answer is a little more complicated than that.

To start, we’re going to discuss what exactly ‘watching a movie wrong’ is, first by discussing what it is not.

Watching a movie wrong is not enjoying something that critics disliked. It’s also not disliking a movie that critics adored. Watching a movie wrong, in fact, has nothing to do with your final opinion on a movie, and everything to do with intent.

See, when you watch a movie and end it finding it lacking, or surprised that your opinion didn’t match up with others, implies something about your personal movie-watching experience: you paid attention and thought about what you watched. You looked back on the film. You noticed things about it. As long as you’re thinking about what you’re watching, you can’t ‘watch a movie wrong’.

On the other hand, if you sat down with total complacency and watched a film with the notion that it is nothing but mindless entertainment, that’s what watching a movie incorrectly looks like. No thought, no effort, simply turning a movie on to entertain you for a few hours, and ending with absolutely no effect, or even worse developing opinions with no reasoning whatsoever, simply proclaiming: “I don’t like this because reasons.” As I’ve mentioned in my introduction post, films are meant to make people think and feel. By going in with the wrong intent, you’ve missed the point of the film, and indeed, storytelling in general.

‘Okay’, you might say. ‘That tells me I’m not watching movies wrong. But it also doesn’t explain to me why I don’t agree with critics or other people. Isn’t a good movie a good movie, no matter what? If it’s a matter of opinion, why do we even bother ranking movies good or bad?’

These are good questions, and they both revolve around the balance of the two things I have listed earlier: Subjectivity, and objectivity.

The definition of the word objective is ‘not influenced by personal feelings or opinions in considering and representing facts.’ In a way, watching a film objectively would seem like the best way to watch a film. By analyzing what should be a solid plot, what should be what good cinematography, structure and characters, this would be the most obvious choice for good movie watching, right?

On the other hand, to be subjective is to be ‘based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions’. To watch a film subjectively is to throw objectivity to the wind, to watch a film and enjoy it for very simple reasons: your own tastes. Liking a film because you think it’s fun, or engaging, or interesting. Perhaps this is what it is to be an audience, to decide what you like and to pay little attention to the word of the critics, list makers, or friends.

Which one is right?

The answer is simple: A little of both.

All film-watching is subjective, whether we realize it or not. There is no way you can scientifically prove that a movie is great, you can only use evidence from the film to support your argument as to why it’s a solid film because great movies (like any kind of creative venture) cannot be ranked as easily as the internet often leads us to believe. This is why this blog refuses to rank films by number or percentage: for one, it’s too hard, and for another, there’s no point. I can give the most solid argument ever heard for why Rocky might be the best movie ever made, but there will always be someone who disagrees. To some degree, all film-watching comes down to subjectivity.

By the same token, objectivity has a lot to do with the process as well.

Being objective in your film watching is retaining the ability to recognize things that are made well. Subjectivity is all well and good, but there is definitely a difference between a good movie and a bad one. Nobody is trying to claim that Batman and Robin was high art, or deserved an Oscar. Even the most subjective of legitimate movie-watchers can recognize a bad film. We know what a sketchy or thoughtless plot looks like when we see one, we can recognize good cinematography, excellent performances, and good special effects, thanks to objective thinking. Rocky is well acted, with good production design and solid story. Most people will agree with me, but not everyone will say it’s the best movie ever made. See what I mean?

‘Wait a minute,’ you may say. ‘I recognize that Gone with the Wind is a good movie. It has all of the elements to be a good movie, I just don’t like it.’

Congratulations, my friend. You have found Enlightenment.

In all seriousness, if that’s your dilemma, you’re on the right track.

There’s no rule in movie-watching that says you must agree with the critics. You can disagree all you want, and that doesn’t make you a bad film-watcher, it just means you have different opinions, and that’s totally fine! Being able to know what a good movie looks like and yet admit that you don’t like it is the perfect meld between the two ‘philosophies’. Alternatively, it’s entirely possible to love a movie that the critics panned, recognizing that it’s not ‘great’. Films are there for fun, and as long as they’re not hurting anyone, your opinion is what determines what you watch.

Take it from someone who can’t sit through Citizen Kane without going to sleep but who adores Big Trouble in Little China. The critics aren’t wrong and neither are you. You just have different tastes.

In my opinion, the best way to watch a movie and truly enjoy it is to do what I said earlier: take a little of both. Watch a movie and recognize its faults. Watch critically, but not overly so, and appreciate a good movie for the features that make it so. But you’re under no obligation to love The Godfather. If you liked Independence Day better than Braveheart, it just means you liked that movie better for your own reasons. Movie-watching is personal, meant for your enjoyment, but as I’ve said before, it’s also meant to be good (usually) and meant to make you think. It’s hitting that balance that we’re aiming for on this blog.

In the end, there is no Subjectivity vs. Objectivity. They’re not at war with each other, they’re two sides of how to look at something. Learning that helps us be better movie-watchers, and it also helps us have more fun at the theater.

Thank you so much for reading! If you want, feel free to send me an ask with your thoughts, I’d like to hear from you! I hope to see all of you in the next article.

#Movies #Film

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