#I KEEP TEARING UP IM LITERALLY NOT UNDERSTANDING HOW TO PROCESS THIS | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

n3ptoonz · 3 months

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Hi I’m a bit embarrassed to say this lol, that’s why I’m anonymous. Can you please write headcanons for Bi Han, Liu Lang, Geras, Tomas and Raiden with someone who uh, really really likes to suck their cockk 🫣

😳

i sure as hell can anon🫦

explicit content under the cut

Sub-Zero

knowing bi han stubborn ass he's gonna claim it gets in the way whenever you ask more often than not, but as soon as he picks up on your fixation...you can literally do no wrong

most times he takes control, other times the dome is so overwhelmingly good he grunts constantly and gets lightheaded, but don't tell nobody 🤫

you'd be surprised with the amount of praise he gives you. it would even go to point of him noticing differences and similarities between present and past with how skilled you were. leave it up to him to make everything into fighting terms (he doesn't know how to express his emotions give him a moment😹)

Liu Kang

at a loss for words tbh. he knew you loved getting intimate with him but specifically giving him oral caught him off guard. this is only bc he's used to being dominant and making sure your pleasure comes first that he's like woah, you're quite eager there 😲

he wouldn't be one to deny you though. in a way he's still prioritizing your pleasure since you are indeed receiving it from giving him head, and was not one to ever complain!

he's not one to have or show his ego, but damn, the lewd sounds that come from your mouth and the sight of you clearly enjoying yourself does make him feel like the luckiest god there is. to have you all to himself in this portion of his lifetime is the absolute highlight and he'll never forget it

Geras

ik geras isn't some giant monster man but he absolutely has a giant monster co-

you can barely even reach past the middle, and you want to keep doing that? okay, he thinks, by all means do what makes you both happy in the end

secretly worried for your jaws and sometimes your throat. he's gonna keep asking if you're okay and would prob be very confused/concerned if tears started falling from trying to take all of him. you gotta explain it's all part of the process and you enjoy it. he might not ever understand everything about mortals, but he sure loves the pleasure while he learns

Smoke

i 1000% believe that tomas is super sensitive around his dick. like, regular sex is already one thing. but...superb head from you? he MIGHT just die

theoretically speaking you wouldn't be able to pin him down while you suck him off but a girl can dream, let's throw logic out the window real quick. he'd lose his fucking mind and start muttering praises in czech

he does prefer to pleasure you BUT who would he be to say no to you?? he gets bomb head on a regular basis and a hot partner to do it. he wouldn't even have time to ask you for it because you keep telling him you will/you want to. if you really bout it, you'll discover he'd definitely be into getting oral in a secluded public space like the bathroom or training room

Raiden

like i always say, he may come off as a shy cutie (which he is) BUT when that dark side comes out it's over

i feel like he's a switch. so, whenever you ask if you can do a lil vacuum action it always starts the same way, but never ends the same way

it starts with him shyly agreeing letting you do your thing then bam, he either starts pushing your head down more and makes you go at the pace he wants OR you're just too good and make him squirm, buck, whine, and tremble. it's always a gamble but hey, i like these odds, don't you? you two equally go back and forth with pleasuring each other and he even worries he'd get selfish but like who cares mf im tryna hear you 😮‍💨

#n3ptoonz #mk1 #mortal kombat #mortal kombat 1 #bi han #tomas vrbada #smut #mk smut #smoke mk #geras mk #geras x reader #smoke x reader #tomas mk1 #mk1 tomas vrbada #tomas vrbada x reader #bi han x reader #liu kang x reader #raiden mk1 #raiden x reader

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zombiifyd · 8 months

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Can you tell me your analysis of the Albatrio’s relationship? I love hearing the nuances of people’s different takes on their dynamic!

AHAIHSJEH WOULD I?????? absolutely.

this post is gonna be so long its just gonna be a bunch of word vomit i swear. so i am so sorry.

OKAY SO I'M GONNA BE LIKE,,,, breaking down all of their relationships one by one, with like two individual people and then their all in whole because its SO IMPORTANT to look at the details.

———

1. chip and jay

these two have so many dynamics. i don't really see them as brother and sister but their fights definitely do remind me of that dynamic. to me, they're more like best friends that have that close of a bond. especially because of how they met, they kind of just instantly clicked. it one of those friendships where two unlikely people have the most chemistry and it never dwindles. obviously it has to do with the fact that they go on all of these adventures together. and they probably spent a couple of days at sea before finding gillion. so they must have gotten close, even if jay was a "spy" at the time, she never really acted like she was. chip found her, and in stead she found herself. and its really touching.

i would say they're definitely the closer two of the bunch even though trust has been broken a couple of times but they always come back stronger. i really love jay and chip.

2. jay and gillion

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. these two mean literally everything to me. (hi navyseal shipper here) i'm sure i made a post about my thoughts about their relationship on my blog once. but might as well rehatch it and apply the new things i've learned with all the new episodes i've listened to. i still think their relationship is so pure and just so UGHHHH /pos. LIKE JUST ALL OF THE TOUCHING MOMENTS THEY HAVE. but even all of the normal moments they have also. i think the whole albatrio is just unlikely people who have found each other and just clicked with insane amounts of chemistry. because even though in the early episodes, gillion was a little strange and trying to figure out this new world. jay found him strange, but fun. and a good guy.

and it shows in future episodes and even going to him for ADVICE before the block and the reveal she was a spy and everything. and even after that gillion STILL trusted her. willing to literally to everything to keep her with them. like IM TEARING UP JUST YHINKUNG ABOUT IT. "just tell me what you wan't and i'll fight for it." HOLD ME BACKCKCKC I WILAHAJWHJE i am so notmal about them. anyway yeah thats jay and gillion

3. fish and chips

hey guys. listen. fish and chips???? yeah. i agree.

anyway, they are so important to me. they have a weird relationship though, to me at least. like in the beginning they were rough and bumpy but they were still close and affectionate. and dude, let me say, that when they we're crying and holding onto each other in the mud and fighting bugs in laffinlot, they had my entire heart. but in more recent terms from where i am listening, where they were about to go to grimms party, their relationship has evolved so much?? but it had barely even changed. if that makes sense???

especially when chip now almost refuses to lie to gillion anymore. if anything, i think the ice dome broke but made their relationship stronger because gillion confronted chip about what he has been doing. and chip now kind of understands where gillion is coming from??? because gillion doesnt share much of what is in the undersea with the two other than the mentions here or there of his laws and his beliefs, and strongly believing them. and i guess chip is still trying to process that gillion is NEW to this world and everything. even now in the episodes i'm in.

they have a really interesting relationship but i cannot put it into words bc if i do i will explode. but i love them.

4. THE TRIO!!!

all in all, they're idiots who found each other and in turn are trying to find themselves in this big vast, and new, world. they are idiots who have insane amounts of chemistry even when they first met. they are idiots who walk straight into navy bases and fuck shit up bc it's what they do as the best pirates ever!!! they consume my heart and mind and they will never leave. they are a package deal and they refuse to leave one another behind because they are friends. they are co-captains. they are family. they are each others persons. and that's it to them.

okay i think i'm done. SORRY AGAIN

#quinn rambles #runs away bc i just started rambling #im so sorry (not really? idk this was so fun to do)#jrwi #jrwi riptide #jrwi chip #jrwi gillion #jrwi jay #jrwi albatrio #jrwi navyseal #jrwi mockingjay #jrwi fish and chips #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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chirpsythismorning · 9 months

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I have to say Im surprised with how fast the negotiating process seems to be going... I'm not saying I expect this whole thing to be fully solved between a week, but I actually thought it'd be at least a month before negotiations resumed with the AMPTP

Yeah me too. I was thinking it would be radio silence for another month honestly.

Even still, negotiations tomorrow could result in no progress. Same with the next week and the week after that. That's actually very likely.

It's just so hard to tell because we don't really know if the studios are genuinely coming to the table hoping to make a deal ASAP, or if this is some calculated trick. Like is it genuine or is it them playing games to encourage the public to get their hopes up, only to then tear it away and blame the WGA, in an attempt to turn the public against them essentially.

I think that's why a lot of people in the WGA don't allow themselves to get their hopes up with each coming update. Remaining pessimistic sort of allows you to not be disappointed in this situation, where it's too often that right after you feel close to progress, the studios rip the hopes right from under you. For example, them making all these statements about how they want to reach a deal ASAP and 'get back to work', all the while they're posting new AI job opportunities, knowing full well that's a huge concern in the demands for their negotiations with the WGA and SAG as well. Like that's just plain despicable.

We'll have to see how tomorrow goes and go from there. It would be nice if they could start making progress on certain demands and actually bring up solutions or counter offers within those demands from the WGA. If they have something they see as more 'realistic' (or whatever the hell they want to call it), at least put it on the table and let's keep it going until we can reach a point where it works for everyone instead of sitting in limbo.

I'm not sure how much the WGA can disclose each step of the way while in the process of literal negotiations. Like if they came to an agreement on one of their main five demands, presumably they'd be close to 1/5th of the way to a deal (roughly speaking)? So is that something they would update on? I'm not sure. Technically they do update members (11,500 of them) and so I guess if members are informed, word is bound to spread based on that.

From what I understand, when negotiations start happening, and once they start to agree in one or two areas, the other areas should follow swiftly. This is assuming the studios are actually negotiating in good faith and are taking the initiative to meet halfway in areas that the WGA is willing to agree to. There's some stuff where it's like so no brainer that the studios are bonkers for even thinking they can't meet those demands, and there are other things like residuals where it's complicated and so yes the studios need to be willing to sit down with the guilds and go back and forth to meet somewhere in the middle at the very least, so we can actually be closer to a deal that is more realistic (ethical).

#byler #stranger things #st writers #ask

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stormyoceans · 1 year

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what the actual fuck i'm so fucking mad you got that message in your inbox, you're like the most loving most positive person here always enjoying your interests in such a nice way like that personally angered me you don't deserve that at all. that was written only to piss you off please don't let them, your love for vice versa and jimmysea is honestly the cutest most endearing thing and it makes me genuinely happy seeing you talk about it so excitedly every day. their episodes were soooo good imho so cute so them! i've missed them a lot and i'll be rewatching FOR SURE! what were your fave 3 moments? if you can choose! fuck that anon and the other ones that might be the same person. love you monica keep loving them as hard as you do <3

ANON YOU'RE MAKING ME TEAR UP THIS IS SO SWEET 😭😭 idk if i deserve all these nice words but please know that i deeply appreciate them and that they mean a lot to me!!!! thank you so so much for this 🥺💜

honestly i LOVED the our skyy episodes like i know im terribly biased, but out of all the ones we got until now i think the plot for vice versa felt the most organic and coherent to the characters and their journey. once again everyone involved in the show put so much care and attention into it, and jimmysea have such a natural easy chemistry to them, they sell the lovesick fools who have been married for five years SO WELL. IDK IF I CAN PICK ONLY 3 FAVORITE MOMENTS BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL SO GOOD BUT LET ME TRY:

1) the beach scene. IRREVOCABLY CHANGED ME MY LIFE MY PERSPECTIVE THE FOUNDATION OF MY PERSONHOOD THE BIOCHEMISTRY OF MY BRAIN AND THE ENTIRE MAKE UP OF MY BEING ON AN INTRINSIC MOLECULAR LEVEL. AGAIN. i haven't even begun to process A QUARTER of the insane amount of parallels they managed to pack in just 3 minutes of screentime and how, by doing that, they were able to show just how far puentalay have come in their journey: from strangers to lovers, from a one sided drunk kiss to a passionate yet tender mutual kiss, from a mouthed 'i like your name' to a mouthed 'i love you', from talay's life ending in the ocean to the ocean being the witness of his love, that same love he once thought was just an annoying distraction in the way to achieve his dreams and that now has become an essential color in the palette of his life..... literally made me experience every single emotion present on the spectrum of human consciousness, im gonna need a 2 weeks long vacation in a controlled environment to decompress and recover from the sheer high romance and the whole entire everything of it all

also not to toot my own horn but i love being correct and never losing:

2) both the birthday conversation and the drawing one. SORRY I KNOW IM CHEATING BUT I JUST CAN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN THESE TWO MOMENTS. WHEN I SAY PUENTALAY INVENTED COMMUNICATION UNDERSTANDING CARE LOVE SUPPORT!!!!!!!! im not mentally stable enough to be coherent about this but like.. one of the reasons i adore puentalay is that since the beginning they have always been willing to try to understand each other. no relationship comes without misunderstandings or conflicts, they're always bound to happen from time to time because we're all different and we all react to things in different ways, but what matters the most is the way you can come together after that to face the issue and make it better. i feel like people often have this idealized vision of love where everything must be perfect and passionate and all-consuming, but i believe love is actively choosing to share your life with someone every day as you help each other navigate through it and enjoy the quiet moments together, and i think these two conversations show that puen and talay have this kind of love, a love that will last forever because whatever happens being together is the most important thing for them

3) puentalay and jigsaw sleeping in the same bed. LITERALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU EXCEPT THAT I PERSONALLY DON'T EVEN WANT KIDS BUT SEEING PUEN AND TALAY BEING SO TENDER WITH JIGSAW AND REARRANGING THEIR LIFE TO MAKE SPACE FOR HIM HAD ME LYING IN THE DIRT SOBBING FOR SEVERAL HOURS TO CLIMB DOWN FROM THE SUGAR HIGH THIS SCENE GAVE ME WITH ITS SWEETNESS. it also reminded me a little of the scene in episode 6 when talay admits everything he has missed about puen: talay has always been more rational and reserved with his emotions compared to puen, but it's in quiet moments like these that you can see how deeply his feelings actually run. both puen and talay have so much love to give and one day, when they will be ready, they're gonna have a kid of their own and expand their family, and this knowledge is gonna MAKE ME DIE HAPPY AND IN PEACE

#since i ended up talking about vice versa so much (as always ;;;;;;;) let me send you all the hugs and hearts here in the tags anon!!!!!!#💜💜💜💙💜💙💛❤️💓💗💞💜💚🖤🩷💞💕💗💝💖💚💛💗🩵🩷🤍🧡💘🤎🩶💖💓🧡💝💙💜💜💜💜#thank you so much again for this and i hope you're having a wonderful day!!!!!#vice versa #our skyy 2 #m: ask

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lanchang · 3 months

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AND! just as a complete offhand its like 1am for me rn so maybe im making less sense: gods are both revered and theyre not seen as people right, theyre deified but also dehumanized by their very own worshippers because theyre no longer people, theyre gods, patrons, forces in the world (interestingly royalty functions similarly, though they patron the state, still theyre not 'real people') - its is much potential btw! What does it mean to be build around devotion and Then love on top of that. AND what does it mean for your Object Of Worship to be gone (not just Object, he has to remember the person behind the little kindness that turned him this way, but how does that look?) and then for hundreds of years the other people you most associate with him are two other gods you feel only spite and contempt for. I need to get into his 800yo selectively religious fanatic brain so bad.

its so interesting because like the building up and tearing down of people like what happens to xie lian literally happens to people in real life all the time (without the plague and drought and stabbing. usually. you get my point) and i thought that was a really interesting part of tgcf (also it doessssss often in my observation usuallyyyyyyyy happen to women more often and worse than to men but thats a whole different conversation) and the dehumanizing nature of this process is fascinating they do become something other than "real people" and it becomes okay to treat them differently than you would a real person and you justify it because theyre special and set apart- sacred in that sense, for better or worse.

anyway INSANITY AND MADNESS!!!!! the thing you base your life around is GONE your rock is out of your sight and all you can do is keep looking!! meanwhile theres two other rocks from the same place where your rock came from and you dont like those rocks because they abandoned your rock and also they were rude to you. and you would never abandon your rock because you structured your entire existence around this rock and you cant understand why everyone else hasnt done this. but also thats your rock and your rock can do whatever it wants but you do get jealous of the other rocks. i forgot where i was going with this im just imagining a rock with an eyepatch rn

#happy um idk #6am maybe?#ask

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borathae · 1 year

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jimin GROW UP 🙄 DAMN! you manipulative insecure lonely miserable bitch!

jimin moves like an abuser and i’m not playing like i hate to say it. i know he was a victim, but now he’s victimizing others and i’m not about that. if he don’t clean up his act, imma start forcing vamp poison down his throat. truly i’m tired of jungkook being sad bc of tae 😡 i know seokjin and hobi gon be mad. yoongi is probably gonna be pissed too. and if im this fucking mad, i can imagine how pissed OC is gonna be.

u know what jungkook! word to shawn mendez bc i can treat u better than he can.

the juxtaposition of how two of the most important people in tae’s life treats him is so interesting. you have jimin, his best friend and literal proclaimed soulmate, be insecure and jealous, more concerned w keeping tae at his side and willing to hurt everyone (even tae) in the process. then you have oc, his girlfriend, encouraging him to maintain his bonds with other people, crying tears of enjoyment when she sees how happy he is with jimin, smiling when she sees him with jungkook. oc is truly a beautiful soul and just wants everyone happy. even you, jimin, you fucking fool.

now, even though i am pissed with jimin right now, i do understand why he is the way that he is. he literally has no one else but tae, while oc has an entire support system outside of tae. she has her friends hobi, jin, and emma, she has her own soulmate yoongi, she has (friend? lover?) jungkook. jimin has no one. meanwhile, tae is the same as oc in regards to a support system. i understand jimin feels threatened and doesn’t want to be alone, but is his loneliness really more important than tae’s happiness? he’s being extremely selfish right now.

don’t get me wrong, i do want jimin dead right now. but lonely bastards are a fucking nuisance, and that’s what jimin is right now. maybe if he’d reach out and try to form bonds with other people, with tae’s support system, he won’t feel left behind. maybe if he wouldn’t push everyone else away, he won’t worry about being left alone whenever tae’s attention isn’t on him for five fucking minutes.

literally i’ve felt the way jimin has felt before, but you know what i did? i tried to befriend my friends’ friends. i love my friends and trust their judgements, and if they love someone, maybe i can love them too. it’d do jimin well if he adopted this way of thinking instead of being a dirty lowdown FREAK.

JFADJ MOOD hahha no but I 100% agree with you. Jimin's been acting like a fucking cockhead ever since he came back. Like what happened honey? it's like he saw that Tae moved on with his life when he died and is now trying to destory everything tae build just "to make sure he has space for him" LIKE BRO

ALSO I LOVE THAT COMPARISON BECAUSE IT'S SO FUCKING ACCURATE OMFG

this this THIS! It honestly "explains" why Jimin acts the way he does. It doesn't excuse it though and he really gotta think about himself for a moment because honey you're not being funny rn

maybe if he’d reach out and try to form bonds with other people, with tae’s support system, he won’t feel left behind. maybe if he wouldn’t push everyone else away, he won’t worry about being left alone whenever tae’s attention isn’t on him for five fucking minutes.

YES! THIS! I AGREE SO HARD OMFG!! like if he only realised that there are other people wanting to be his friend if only he stopped being so jealous all the time. Like even OC has been trying time and time again to befriend him and he always manages to fuck it up one way or the other like bruv please 😩😩

#btw i wanna state here that i love my booboo jimmini bimminie and the way i wrote his character in mv does not reflect how he is irl or how #i see him he is my liddol bebeb and i wuv him #he is merely playing a role in mv like a really hot and sexy actor afdsj #asks: magnus venatio #asks #anon

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s-talking · 9 months

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My favorite thing about your muse and your portrayal?

This is just gonna be a positivity ask, 'cause Envy's great, but you made him and are amazing, so you get some love too (as you deserve).

There is so much blood, sweat, and probably tears that went into Envy. I have interacted with you and your OC for years now, and he's still my absolute favorite. Top of the list for damn sure. The backstory, his personality, his weird little behaviors, his appearance – and I still have no idea what the fuck a Saebom is, and that horror aspect of the unknown is solid. I like that there's so much to him that's said in volumes where he doesn't speak much if at all. The quality of attention to what his actions are, his thoughts, and world around him is the only clues you get. What's not to love about a killer with unknown as a cloak, it's like another little layer of Saebom that's afflicted him, and he's just the surface level of that overarching 'what the fuck'. He is always a surprise even when you think you understand or so much as know him, the living curve-ball, and I'm here for that suspense. A literal jack-in-the-box with a knife.

I love what's been going on between our muses, and I'm here for every scenario big and small. I always get excited and check my Tumblr when I see "s-talking has posted XYZ", especially our IM's. I absolutely love those, I always look forward to them – and I know that you don't always respond, that maybe you forgot, or Tumblr was just being a toothpick in the dick and refused to show a notification. Regardless of the aforementioned, I will always have patience and excitement for your response. Be it several hours, days, or weeks. I know that such time management stuff is something that bothers you, but know that I do not mind. I could never mind at all. I'll still be here to support you, so take all the time you need for whatever might be going on. If you at all have a Discord, you are welcome to have my username, if you're comfortable.

And lets not forget your art of this lad. Absolute fucking talent, some good fucking food whenever I see your work. I have never not been inspired by your pieces, both old and new. I still have that one you did of Saku as the main display should someone go onto my blog and see the theme. I wish I could see your process, so I understand what all goes into such extraordinary pieces.

⌘ 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐌𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐀𝐋/𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄?

truth to be told... i cannot even begin to count how many times i've re-written my reply to this ask. i've initially intended to write something wholesome & funny, something which will show my sincere gratitude for you & your kind words but, in the end, none of it ever felt really ' good ' enough. even now, as i type, i have this huge novella-sized post sitting in my drafts but i refuse to post it because i thought of something much better, something which will express me far more than mere words ever will, so here...

a big heart-felt thank you for always being here for me & not once treating me any different despite my many breaks or moments of pure silence. i've been going through a lot of heavy things these past two-three years, but knowing that i don't have to pressure myself into a plastic smile & constantly message / come online in general just to keep up good relations is a huge, huge relief, & you have no idea just how much it means to me. i sincerely cherish your patience, saku-mun, but also the many messages & asks that you've sent me ( whether i was online or offline, whether tumblr bugged out or i became distant by social means, ) but most of all, i thank you for all the kindness you've shown despite having your own troubles in life. i am flattered, & humbled, beyond words. also, the very fact you've even stashed my simple 10-15 minute doodle on your profile & kept it up for years is honestly the greatest form of flattery an artist could possibly receive from a friend. as such, it's only fair that you get a proper artwork of sakuyoru this time.

i adore you, simply. i adore your writing, your muse, your creativity & art, & just how much you've always cared for me & my own creations for so many years. this drawing is simply my own version of ardor... as well as sweet revenge for making my pale face burn hotter than the sun *chuckles *

either way, tdlr;; i hope you suffer with me now, you lil sh*t ♡

#aklgjalkg-- i got so emotional that i completely forgot to mention just how much i'm happy to see your love for envy & his horror tale #not to mention the plethora of compliments for my own writing #alkgalkgjagljk #thank you again #i'm by no means a proper writer - just someone who enjoys weaving stories & generally being creative #but even so #your ask makes me feel literally on top of the world.#{{ 𝓸𝓸𝓬;; }}

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komamoka · 1 year

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k o m a m u s i c g u s h | d a y o n e

hi it's koma!

this'll be my first post ever so i wanted to start with something im super passionate abt, that being music! more specifically, playing, listening to and analyzing music, both theory wise and how it makes me feel! so here's day one of this stuff where ill be talking about mainly vocals! (i do all kinds of music, literally any genre so feel free to send me songs to listen to!)

SHISHAMO is a band ive been listening to alot at the office and there's something incredibly soothing about the lead singers vocals that helps me get through the day. This last song in the shishamo 7 album really nails that in for me. Yume de Aete mo (夢で逢えても | Even If You Meet in a Dream) is a great showcase of miyazaki asako-san's vocal abilities. In the verses, she's in incredible control of her voice, being in total control of pitch despite the ever shifting dynamics. She's able to shift the timbre of her voice as well, singing with a more cutesy, staccato type of singing, to a much more fleshed out legato. Being able to switch it up allows for a greater range of calmer and more expressive sections that contrast with each other to make the song that much more interesting.

oho but then comes the chorus...

The chorus in this song always give me chills, sometimes makes me tear up if im in the right mood... There's something about the way her voice quivers while she sings that makes it resonate with me. It feels to me like the quiver in your voice when you try and speak about something emotional. Fighting back against tears, heartache, anxieties, everything keeping you back from spilling out your heart and voice. I know myself to quiver in my voice while i sing as well out of nerves, but miyazaki makes it intentional and that's able to convey more than nervousness. AND THEN SHE'S STILL ABLE TO SING THIS STUFF WITH DYNAMIC RANGE! she quiets down for the last chorus before repeating again with so much passion and power it makes my chest feel tight with emotion.

thats all i have to say, but there's definitely so much more to this song beyond vocals. the guitar riff is so relaxed and chill and im in the process of learning it for myself! i can't even speak to the meaning of the lyrics but such is the universality of music where emotions can well up regardless of lyrical understanding! but im sure lyrics make it all the more better and i wish i could understand it fully myself.

thanks for reading~

#shishamo #indie #indie rock #j indie #music review #music gush #new user #shishamo 7 #yume de aete mo #夢で逢えても #vocals #music #new music #j rock #Spotify

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onyx-and-friends · 2 years

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Siblings Reunited, Part 4

When August finally rolled around, Polly was still in the steamworks, getting a final once over before going to surprise her eldest brother. Her new Brunswick Green paintwork seemed to glow as the light from a nearby window reflected off of her boiler. "I wish Scotty could be here.." She sighed. "I know, but hes getting his boiler overhauled and recertified in preparation for his 100th next febuary." Her new driver said, hopping into her cab. Pollys eyes followed various people as they walked around her. "So? Whats the verdict?" The engine asked nervously. "Am i mainline certified?" Her eyes lit up when she was given the all clear. Her driver and fireman looked equally excited. "We knew you would be!" Cheered her fireman. "For an engine who was left to rust for almost 60 years, you ran like an absolute dream!" Her driver beamed. "And my boiler was recertified about a week ago..- huh?" She looked up as she heard her name called. "Yes sir?" It was Sir Topham Hatt, coming to see if Polly was given the green light. "So! How is everything going?" He asked. "We're good to go, sir! I've just been mainline certified!" Pollys eyes sparkled in excitement. "Wonderful!! And im assuming your boiler is certified?" "It sure is!" The railways controller grinned, stepping up into her cab. "Most excellent! With all the formalities out of the way, let us be off! Everyone is waiting!"

------

Henry could hardly conceal his excitement as he and all the other engines sat in the sheds, waiting for the new arrival. Everyone, like Henry, was VERY excited. Gordon, however.. Gordon was annoyed. Everyone was keeping a massive secret from him. Everyone, even his own crew! He felt betrayed, there was no two ways about it. The express engine caught various snippets of his friends' conversations as he looked from one area to another. "I heard she looks more splendid than James!" "Oh, ha ha! Very funny, Thomas. No engine is more splendid than me!" "We'll see about that, James. If my crews reports are right, shes due to arrive any minute!" Everyone was hushed as a new whistle tore through the air. Gordons eyes snapped up at the sound. "What..? That whistle sounds.. Oddly similar to mine.. But.. Its not Scotsmans.." Now he was more confused than mad. That confusion changed rapidly to utter shock as he saw the new engine turn the corner. Memories flooded his mind, memories of past conversations he had with Scotsman about what their little siblings had gotten up to on the mainland prior to the famous engines visit to Sodor. Tears welled in Gordon's eyes as he looked at who sat on the turntable before him. The air felt thick enough you could cut it with a knife, and no engine made a sound as they let Gordon process what was happening. "Polly..?" He finally choked out, his voice hoarse. "Its me, Gordie. Im alive." Polly smiled, beginning to tear up herself. "But how..? You and the others were.. In the 60s, you.." "I know. But i was never fully dismantled. I was also far enough back in the scrapyard that they kind of just.. Forgot about me, and left me to rust. I dont fully understand it myself, but.. I literally owe my life to Henry over there. If he hadn't stopped when i called out to him, this reunion wouldn't be happening." Henry blushed, looking at his buffers. "I was only thinking of my friends, and the wellbeing of a fellow steam engine." He muttered bashfully. Gordon looked at Henry, tears rolling down his face as he just smiled. "Thank you, Henry.. Now i understand why you all were rushing back and forth to the steamworks all the time.. You were racing the clock to get everything done on time." Henry smiled, looking up at the tearful blue express engine. "It wasnt just us on Sodor, Gordon. We recieved a lot help from The Mainland, too. It was a team effort to get Polly's overhaul and recertifications done in time for your birthday." Sir Topham Hatt had by now exited Polly's cab, and was now standing on the turntable beside her. "I couldnt have said it better myself. Well done, all of you. You did an excellent job preparing Gordon's birthday surprise. You all can have the rest of the day off. You've more than earned it." The engines couldnt help but smile, remaining silent as their controller continued his impromptu speech as he stepped off the turntable. "This was by no means a cheap undertaking, but i honestly cannot think of a better way to have spent the money, than on Gordon. He has done so much for us, taking charge of twice daily express services for.. How long has it been? 89 years, at least? I knew we would have to go big for his centenary, and when Henry and his crew gave me their report on what they had heard and seen on their return journey from Doncaster Station, i knew what had to be done. Happy Birthday, Gordon." Gordon sniffled, a huge, tearful smile plastered on his face as all the engines wished him a a very happy birthday. Polly had since been turned around, and had backed into a new shed that had been specially built just for her. "Happy 100th Birthday, big brother. I love you."

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alltheshityoulike · 9 months

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I’ve just gotta get it off my chest somewhere

I’m afraid. Im afraid to let anyone love me. I feel selfish to let anyone. People think I am good. I let myself think I’m good. And then I remember how fucking complicated and twisted I am. I’m so fucked I’m so fucked I’m so so fucked up and everyone says “wow you’ve overcome so much!!!!”

But no matter how fucking hard I try no matter how many years I pour into healing, I cannot undo what has been done. It won’t go away. I can’t even touch it, I can’t just wrap my fingers around it and rip it out of myself. I can’t heal around it. It infects every part of me it touches. I could have been so much in this world. I could have been so happy. I could have been what everyone thinks I am. Believes I can be. But they can’t see the knots in my soul. The holes in my brain, the voids I literally cannot visit because the pain is too devastating for this body to endure.

So I live as a husk. Cursed with this depth, this abyss that I fall infinitely into, but can never experience. Just let me feel it God please. Let me scream. Let me shake and lose my fucking brain and mourn. I never got to scream. Let me just get it over with so I can live please.

I can’t even fuck without the reminder than I am physically damaged. My brain has been battered and electrocuted, shattered by these atrocities against me, to the point of splitting apart. And I can’t touch it! I have no fucking control! I have no say. I try so desperately to believe in myself. And look now! My body can finally climax!!! The relief of my body functioning like a normal persons is enough to bring tears to my eyes.

But wait, there are tears in my eyes? Stop stop stop fuck we took it too far. God I just wanted to be normal, I wanted to feel good like everyone else gets to. And now I’m heaving. My body shakes and I exist inside of it powerless while it reacts to the sensation. My body retches and trembles uncontrollably and hyperventilates and tears pour out of my face with no pace. And they look at me, with this fear in their eyes. Because they didn’t understand I was broken. And just like that, they know. I beg “I’m okay I promise, I’m so sorry. This happens sometimes.”

Don’t look at me don’t look at me don’t touch me please hold me don’t let go don’t touch me don’t be scared don’t fucking touch me please don’t let go

How can I burden anyone with this? How can I allow anyone to expose themselves to this poison that’s been injected into my body? It’s traumatizing for them. I’m selfish for letting them love me. I promise I fucking promise I never meant to hurt anyone. I fucking promise. But to love me is to hurt. To know me is to hurt. But how do I live? How can I live when every connection I make is tainted with either the lie of them thinking I’m not sick, or the gruesome truth of what I’ve been reduced to? How can I keep myself hidden away waiting for the day these wounds close? But how can I live without the acceptance that my soul just fucking aches for?

Since I was three I was molested, conditioned, trained, tortured. I’m a fucking crumpled corpse stuffed into this ugly skin and forced to smile and “believe” in myself. Believe in love.

Tiffany is cursed with knowing what I am. She’ll live with the indescribable image of my complexity forever. My infinite love and infinite trauma. She’ll gasp and heave and try to explain it but nobody will understand. There are no words that can capture the layers and dimensions of my soul. She must live alone with that now and it kills me that I’ve given her that. I’ve done that to her. And that is why her laying hands on me will still never outweigh the sheer magnitude of the devastation of simply knowing me.

I want to believe that this progress I’ve made will actually make a difference one day, that I’ll be released from these shackles that rot me. I want to believe if I stick to it and keep trying that the things that have happened to me will get processed, filtered out of my flesh and soul. I want to believe it. I won’t give up. I won’t end my life. I refuse. Just please, God, please take this from me. I can’t live with this twisted vortex inside of me forever. Pull the daggers out from my soul and let me bleed. Please take this from me.

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yourlunarspice · 1 year

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so many good ones mmm ok. 3, 14, 49 <3 <3

Ahhhh thank you so much for your ask, Llyn! I love getting responses to ask games. It's gives me an opportunity to ramble about the most random things, lol

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Something that I've always tried to do with my fics is about descriptions, and I'm gonna try to explain it properly. There's always a risk of writing too much description. With too much description, you get something akin to Tolkien that is vivid but it drags the storyline/pacing down. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE visualizing a scene and wanting to write down LITERALLY EVERYTHING, but that's not practical.

For me, I try to only put the barest information about setting (if it's important) and focus on the characters and their blocking through the scene. This ensures that the story isn't bogged down with unnecessary descriptions but gets the important parts solidified in the reader's mind.

One example is in my first bnha story Those Damn Flowers, where young Aizawa was walking down a hall as he reflected on recent events. It could have been a hall at UA, his home, or some other place; point is, it wasn't important. It lets every reader have a unique perspective on the scene's setting (and, by proxy, Aizawa's clothes and the people around him) while keeping the important parts (Aizawa's thought process and physical reactions to them) unchanging.

14. Are there any tropes you would only read if written by a trusted friend or writer?

Noticing really comes to mind, tbh. I get most of the fics I read through AO3feed blogs, and I don't really pay attention to the author. If the summary looks good, I check it out, simple as that.

That being said, if I had to give an answer, I don't really read most fantastical AUs (i.e., fantasy/dragon, steampunk, fallout, space/alien, etc.), HOWEVER, if a trusted friend or writer wrote something in one of those more fantastical AUs, I'd give it a shot.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

I've been writing/posting some weird stuff lately, lol. Most recently, it was 'No Cure' (one of my favorites), but before that it was 'You call it 'torturing', I call it 'mercy killing'. Same difference' and 'Do you know how to tell where a corpse is buried?'. Real snappy titles, I know.

The next thing I'm planning on posting is on the 19th, and it's the final chapter of my biggest story yet, Heaven And Earth Between Us. Here are a few paragraphs from Chapter 6: New Beginnings (censored so no spoilers!):

((Also, I knowwww I said I wouldn't read many fantastical AUs, and I don't, but I was inspired to write this, ironically, a fantastical AU. Don't read into it too much))

Toshihiro’Máni met the Death god’s gaze. “I wish for compassion on this soul,” he said. “He did not understand the weight of his actions and died unecessarily.” [Death god] gazed at the corpse before raising an eyebrow at Toshihiro’Máni. “I take it you’re another god?”

“Yes, I control the Moon and the stars. Please, will you help him?”

Hands reached forward and lifted [Victim]’s body out of Toshihiro’Máni’s hands. “Please,” the Moon god found himself begging. “He doesn’t deserve this fate.”

“And you think no one else was undeserving of theirs?” [Color] eyes flashed, pinning Toshihiro’Máni where he stood. “People die all the time, some deserving their fate, others innocent. Your friend is a drop in the bucket.”

Toshihiro’Máni gulped at the sudden anger, but pressed onward: “I just want to save one. And if I can make a difference to one person, that will be enough for me.

“Everyone I know has saved countless lives,” he continued, the faces of Aizawa, Midoriya, Kirishima, …Katsuki flickering in his mind’s eye. “But all I can do is prevent bad dreams. If I can save just one…” tears sprang to his eyes. “...that will be enough for me!”

I'M SO HAPPY WITH HOW HEAVEN HAS TURNED OUT, IT'S THE FIC IM PROUDEST OF

After that, I have something in mind for Shinny boy, but I haven't started writing it yet. It's gonna be another one of those "I need help sleeping, please use your Quirk to help me sleep" stories. I've seen so many of those, but I can't help it. I love the sleepy purple boy.

Thanks again for the asks, Llyn! Sorry my answers got SUPER long

From this ask game

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kithtaehyung · 2 years

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YOU/YOONGI/OC HAVE MADE ME SOB AT 3AM, GO SIT AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID 😭💔💔

The chapter was so immensely heavy from start to finish. Ive never cried over a fic before but I literally feel my heart so heavy while wiping tears right now. You’re writing is so incredible Ryen, you always have an amazing way with words to make me feel exactly what OC is experiencing, especially with Yoongi and all the other characters actions, I really feel it all so much. Beautifully and tragically written, you should really do this professionally girl 😭

I have so many questions about things said/done but (as much as it hurts) I definitely need to read the chapter again before dropping all my questions and theories, I need my head and heart straight

I trust your no sad ending policy so im looking forward to how you’ll have them maneuver this before finally coming clean to dearly big bro. Just pls give me a few more intensely beautiful moments like the ones in 3tan7 🥺😭 they fill me with warmth and happiness❤️‍🩹

Happy 6months to 3tan, long live this tale 🥂✨

- 🌸

OH GOSH I APOLOGIZE FOR ALL OF US, SAKURA😭😭😭 i am so sorry.. it's totally okay to tear up or cry. absolutely nothing wrong with having something evoke that emotion! like yoongi even said, "it's good if you have that reaction." :'))

and you are so thoughtful with your words. thank you so much and you really think i should do this professionally? holy hell i'm flattered. my irl job has nothing to do with writing so this is just a pure hobby tbh

feel free to drop your questions and theories whenever! it's a lot to take in so i understand if it takes awhile to process. and yesss thank you for trusting me<3 we'll see what happens in the future for sure! i'll try to keep providing you all with more moments, of course. happy 6 months awhhhh that made me smile again tf😭 thank you!!

#🌸 anon #lovely people #asks:3tan #3tan7 #*ryenfictalk #mailbox💌#q!

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honeymilkk00 · 3 years

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Haikyuu Boys: You Flinch

Pt 2

@silver-argent : Hii! I super looooove the way you wrote Haikyuu Boys: You flinch, perfect amount of angst to fluff! Are you taking requests? If you are, will you please do a Sakusa and Kenma? the you flinch. It's okay if you don't tho! I'll still look forward to your works!❤❤

tysm for the encouraging words!! my requests are open and im more than happy to do Sakusa and Kenma jewbjkew. i hope you enjoy. i'm literally so tired and just wanted to finally get this out <3

characters:

-sakusa

-kenma

___________________________

Sakusa

Dating Sakusa was the last thing you ever thought would happen to you. He filled your days and nights with such love and passion. You had broken through his stoic and cold shell and had seen him for who he truly was deep inside- a loving partner through and through.

Of course, old habits die hard. Since he had spent years of his life being a reserved person, only putting up with his family and teammates, he still was very hesitant when it came to affection. Sometimes all he wanted to do was to be alone with his thoughts and nothing else. It hurt to see him like that, knowing that no matter what, you couldn’t help him, but you understood and gave him the time he needed.

Five months into yours and his relationship had lead to a few disputes, but nothing too serious. He was a prideful, headstrong man which lead to you having to bite your tongue during arguments and keep your snarky words to yourself, refusing to let them slip off the tip of your tongue. If they did, the argument would escalate.

You loved Sakusa for everything he was, bad parts and good, but sometimes he was too much.

And, that’s how you were here, biting your lip harshly as you stare at him, refusing to let your anger get the best of you.

Sakusa had been coming home quite late due to volleyball practise, but it got to the stage where you were scared that he was doing to overwork himself and injure himself. Instead of letting it slide, you confronted him about it and suggested that he should take some time to let his body heal from the strenuous training regimen that he was doing. It seemed that Sakusa wasn’t in the best of moods and had snapped at you, shooting abhorrent words towards you as if you were nothing but a pile of shit, accusing you of restricting him from reaching his full potential and trying to turn him away from volleyball because you were too clingy for his liking.

“Fucking hell (Y/N), you’re so fucking clingy! Just because you’re an attention whore and want me to worship you doesn’t mean you can try and take me away from what I love doing. You’re so fucking obsessive it’s driving me crazy!” Sakusa bellowed and clenched his hands together, his nails digging into his hands.

Taking a deep breath to keep yourself as calm as possible, you spoke in a soft tone, “Omi, I’m not trying to keep you from anything. I just think you should rest your body before you overwork yourself and become ill or injure yourself. I know you want to improve but that can happen gradually over time. I doesn’t need to happen all at once.” You murmured and gently placed a hand on his, trying to reassure him.

Letting out a deep, angered growl, Sakusa pulled away from your grip harshly and pushed your hand away, “don’t fucking touch me! You’re fucking disgusting! All you do is hold me down and try and control my life, you obsessive pest!” He hollered out.

His words ripped open your chest and stabbed you in the heart repeatedly. You felt like you were choking on your own heartbeat. It hurt knowing that your lover found you disgusting. A strong feeling of rage surged through your veins. “How fucking dare you, Sakusa! I’ve done nothing but tried to help you and all you do is treat me like shit. Every time we argue I have to bite my tongue because I know that if I retaliate, you’ll just get even more angry. I can’t express how I feel to you anymore and I feel as if I don’t matter in this relationship. If you want to overwork yourself and injure yourself then fine, go ahead, but don’t blame me for saying I told you so after it’s happened!”

His eyes narrowing at your words, Sakusa swiftly turned to glare at you and raised his fist, poking your chest aggressively, “Fine, I will then because I’m not letting you control me anym-” He paused mid sentence, his eyes widening when he noticed you flinching when he raised his hand. Slowly, he lowered his hand and dropped them at his sides. Your shaking figure made his heart clench painfully tight. “(Y/N) I-”

“I can’t do this anymore, Sakusa.” You voice whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear. Tears rolled down your cheeks and you sniffled quietly. “I can’t handle this pain anymore. I can’t handle feeling like I’m walking on egg shells with you. I can’t handle being afraid of how you’ll react when I speak about how I feel. I just can’t do this anymore.” You voice got quieter and quieter the more you spoke. Looking up at Sakusa, you swallowed thickly. “I can’t do us anymore.”

Sakusa was frozen, watching you carefully. It was deathly silent. The only sound he could hear was the sound of his heartbeat beating rapidly.

“I’ll pick up my things tomorrow. I’m going to stay at Atsumu’s for the night.” You whispered and turned away, heading towards the front door.

A small, almost whine-like noise left Kiyoomi’s mouth. He reached out and clasped your hand gently, tears forming in the corner’s of his eyes. “Please.” He begged quietly.

Looking back at the man you loved, your heart shattered into small pieces when you noticed his dampened eyes. Never had you seen him cry before. “What is it?” You asked quietly, biting the inside of your cheek.

Sakusa pulled you in tightly for a hug and pressed his lips against your cheek gently. “Please don’t leave. Please please please… I’m so so sorry (Y/N).. I didn’t mean anything I said. I love you and I’m grateful for everything you do for me. I’ve just had a really bad day. Please I love you. Please don’t leave. You’re my baby... “ He pleaded softly and held you tightly, as if afraid that you’d disappear if he let go.

Letting out a sigh, you caved in. You were still mad at him but at the end of the day, you loved Kiyoomi more than anything else. You would give up everything for his happiness. “Kiyoomi...” You whispered softly and then turned around so you were face to face with him. Gently cupping his cheeks, you sighed, “I love you so so much Kiyoomi... But you can’t say stuff like that to me even if you’ve had a bad day. You really really hurt me even though I was just trying to look out for you.” You explained and frowned softly, kissing his tears that resided in the corner of his eyes.

Pressing his lips softly against your hands that rested on his face, he let out a shaky breath that he didn’t realise he was holding, “I know... I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I promise I’ll do better..” He whispered gently and pressed his nose into your hair lovingly. “I love you so much...”

Leaning in closer to Sakusa, you inhaled his scent, “I love you too, Omi..”

He never wanted to see you flinch like that again.

________________________

Kenma

Kenma was an erudite genius when it came to the art of strategy. His deep understanding of the game and the unspoken pledge to win is what drove him forward and kept him reaching, grasping, clutching for new strategic idea that would leave his opponents breathless.

For days, maybe even weeks, on end, Kenma would be researching, training, and repeating the process until he felt confident in his methodology that would be used in a game. Thus, led to a breakdown. After weeks of undereating, lack of sleep, training beyond his physical capabilities, and his mental strain thinking of ways to defeat the opposing team, Kenma was at his wits’ end.

As his partner, you immediately noticed the changes in his personality. Of course, concern was your initial reaction and you were somewhat frightened of irritating him more, but you knew you had to confront him about his lack of self care. Seeing him train during lunch and falling asleep in lessons led you to realise how hard he was working himself.

So, after school you managed to pull him to one side before he proceeded to train at the club. A frown was present on your lips and you took a deep breath. Looking at him now hurt a lot: his eyebags had considerably increased since the last time you saw him; you could now see physically where he had lost weight from undereating for weeks; his eyes seemed a lot duller; his body slouched over slightly, as if it was begging for a break. It was agony to see your partner slowly harm his body and mind like this.

"Kenma, just know I love you so much and I understand that volleyball means a lot to you right now since it's your final year with your team as you know it with Kuroo as captain, but look at yourself. You're not taking care of yourself at all. You aren't helping you or your teammates by undereating and not sleeeping." You murmured gently, taking Kenma's hands in your own. You knew that you had to be careful and not push your boyfriend, but you couldn't let it continue.

Kenma simply frowned at your words and pulled his hand away from yours, "(Y/N), I don't need your lecturing. I'm perfectly fine taking care of myself. I don't need you." He hissed out and turned his back on you, proceeding to head to practise. He had no time to waste on pointless conversations.

(Y/N) grinded their teeth together, their heart aching slightly at the harsh words, "I'm not lecturing you, Kenma! I'm doing what a s/o should do and I'm looking out for you! Please just take a small break before you overdo it!" You hallooed, as if that would make the words sink in.

Vexed, Kenma turned around with a deep scowl on his face, "Why don't you just back off, (Y/N)!? I don't care about you right now, all I care about is me and my teammates winning this game!" He shrieked, which caused you to trip back and swallow thickly.

A small whimper escape your lips and tears formed in the corners of your eyes as you flinched. You were normally fine with Kenma's salty attitude, but he never usually shouted at you. Taking a shaky breath, you looked at your boyfriend dead in the eyes, "fine! Do what you want to do! Since you don't care about me I won't bother anymore! Don't you fucking dare come running to me when you overwork yourself and can't handle it anymore!" You retorted and turned away.

Kenma's eyes widened slightly at your words as he watched you turn away. "Wait...." He whispered out, his hand reaching towards yours. Lightly, he grasped your wrist and sighed, pulling you close and burying his head in your shoulder. "'M sorry... I'm just so stressed..." Tears brimmed his eyes and he sniffled softly. "I didn't mean it..."

Letting out a soft sigh, your shoulders relaxed and you pulled your lover in for a cuddle. "I know you didn't mean it baby... But remember your health comes first, volleyball after." You whispered and gently stroked his hair. He simply nodded in response and hugged you tighter.

Maybe you both could work things out. You just need to learn to communicate more.

#haikyu #haikyuu #haikyuu angst #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #angst #sakusa angst #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x you #kenma #kenma angst #haikyuu kenma #kenma kozume #angst to fluff #haikyuu comfort #requestsopen

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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years

Note

Can I request HSP + depression reader (who thinks they are just weak and being crybaby) x Bucky, please? I understand you are super busy right now and I didn’t mean to rush you or anything but I'm just struggling with both HSP and depression and couldn’t help but send it right now. No need to hurry, just when you are free and maybe when you had nothing to write. Thank you and I love you!

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you! I’m here if you need me and I hope that this helps!!!

It’s called empathy

Bucky x reader

Word count: 1981

Warnings: depression, HSP (highly sensitive person), low self worth, negative self talk, swearing (that’s normal for me but this one’s a little extra), angst (more so internal idk if that needs a warning), fluff/comfort

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @mardema @abitgryffindorky @buckys-blue-eyes @strawberrimae @thatfangirl42 @freigeistundanderes @bucks-bunny @broadwaybabe18 @im-sick-of-failing

Taglist Masterlist

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Breathe in

Breathe out

Out

...in…

You felt a tear escape your eyes

Goddamn it

You didn’t want to cry, you couldn’t let yourself. It was stupid, it was just some shitty remark from someone when they were in a shitty mood, it wasn’t your fault, all that bullshit you tried to tell yourself. It never worked.

You were trying to control your breathing, looking up at the ceiling trying to will the tears away, biting your lip. You would not cry, not over this. Not over something that wasn’t worth your tears

Not when you didn’t even know what exactly you were crying over.

Yet here you were, gripping the edge of the bathroom sink with white knuckles, looking up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay. And it wasn’t working.

Weak sensitive piece of shit.

What good were you to the team if you cry in the bathroom like a baby every time something remotely stressful happens? People usually cry when they're in pain or when they’re grieving - the only excuse you had was you were stressed or sad.

You felt another few tears escape and you angrily swiped them away, cursing yourself for being so weak.

You hated this, you hated yourself. You were so numb most of the time, especially when you were alone. You found yourself alone in your room with racing thoughts feeling like you were falling apart. Yet when you were alone you could only stare at the ceiling wondering if it would get any worse.

The answer was usually yes.

Whenever you would go on missions with the team, you were able to push aside your stress. You had a job to do and you would do it. But when the mission was over and you were walking back through the rubble - seeing all the blood, destruction, fear - then it would start to get to you. You would panic, you would feel tears cloud your vision. Tears for those you were leaving behind, and those who had nowhere to go, those who lost someone. That was understandable.

It seemed to affect you more than the others though. It was understandable to be moved by so much destruction. But for you everyone felt like someone you had known and loved.

You could feel the grief in those left behind, feel the sadness and pain that they were going through.

The same was true when you weren’t on missions. When those who were on them would come back. Whether they were injured or their eyes were saddened - you knew when a mission was rough. You would listen, you would be there for people. It was easy to talk to you, and you were very wise.

But it still overwhelmed you. You couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to. You wanted to help but it would be so emotionally taxing for you. So behind closed doors, you would break. Be there for others, listen when they need to talk, others come first - you took their emotional pain onto yourself.

You were grateful that you could help - but in the process it was hurting you.

You allowed yourself to feel sad when you were alone in your room. No one could see you be weak in the dark of your room. But you never cried much just from the pure exhaustion of your thoughts. Sometimes you wanted to, just feeling so incredibly empty that you just wanted to have an ugly crying session curled up in bed.

But you didn’t get to make that choice.

The crying wouldn’t come until the absolute worst times. If you had messed up on a mission, if Tony said something a little too harshly because to him everything was a joke, seeing something gruesome on a mission- whenever it came to someone else getting involved, the tears would come. Hell sometimes even being overwhelmed in public would be enough to start the waterworks.

You always felt so fucking weak for it. The slightest environmental stressor could stress you out too much and move you to tears. You had no reason to be upset most of the time. But you would get angry at yourself for being upset, which would make you more upset that you couldn’t control it, making it harder to control.

It was a vicious cycle.

Lately it had been popping up more and more recently. Smaller things were upsetting you more than usual. You were becoming more sensitive to external stimuli and as a result, you spent as much time as you could in your room. You were embarrassed by yourself. Both by your emotions and by your inability to control them.

This time you were just upset that you were upset. It had been a long night the day prior, just a lot of paperwork to do. There had been a mission earlier this week that you hadn’t been assigned to, but it had been brutal for everyone who had gone. So far today had been a normal day by anyone’s terms, an emotionally exhausting one for you. One of those where you woke up tired and the thoughts of another day were enough to draw you to tears. Nothing had even happened, but apparently nothing needed to happen.

Your emotions came and went without your consent.

You knew deep down it was probably some sort of emotional build up - that whole quote about bottling things up until they got to be too much - it happened every time but you still thought you could handle yourself better than that. You didn’t want to vent or be a problem to anyone. But when you are the emotional support for most of the team and you haven’t been able to get enough sleep or take time for yourself - you didn’t have much of a say as to when the bottle overflows.

A few more tears fell and you slammed your hand on the counter, wiping your tears angrily once more. “God fucking damn it why can’t you just stop fucking crying!” you exclaimed, feeling a few more tears falling “Weak piece of shit!”

There was knocking on the door, pulling you out of your self deprecating thoughts. You gasped lightly, wiping your face again.

Knock knock

You jumped a little, gasping slightly. No one was supposed to be here, it was the middle of the night.

“Y/n? What’s going on in there? Are you alright?”

You took a shaky breath. Of course it would be Bucky who heard you. Why would it be anyone else?

“I’m fine Bucky, it’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Then why are you still awake?” Bucky responded. You heard him sigh a little outside the door. “Come out here and tell me you’re okay.”

“Really Bucky?”

“Unless you want me to come in there, but I don’t think Stark would appreciate me breaking your door.”

You took a small breath and walked over to the door, opening it. You crossed your arms and met Bucky’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed, taking in your appearance. Red eyes, flushed face, your hair was messy - you were definitely crying. He hated when you wouldn’t admit that you weren’t ok. “You know you don’t have to be, right?”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep fresh tears from clouding your vision. “What?”

“You say you’re fine, you always say that you’re fine until you break. I heard you crying, I can see that you’re not feeling okay yet still you try to keep a brave face. And I just want you to know that you don’t have to always be okay.”

You let out a breath. “I - i…” you looked down and shook your head, lost for words.

“Y/n, I’m not here to judge you. Can you try to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” you said looking up at him “It’s literally so stupid, Bucky.”

“Y/n, nothing you say right now is going to sound stupid.

You shrugged your shoulders, still not quite meeting his eyes. “I don’t know, I just get so worked up sometimes, but it’s stupid. I tell myself I’m not going to be bothered and then I freak out again. The smallest things bother me and I get stressed out and then I cry like some stupid weak bitch. People have it worse than me, God, you have it worse than me. Everyone here has some sort of traumatic awful thing happen to them and then there’s me and I get sad because I see other people sad,” you were crying again and you wiped at your face, covering your eyes. “God Im so fucking stupid I -”

Bucky pulled you into his chest as you let out a sob. “You’re not stupid, y/n.”

“YES I AM. I get worked up over the smallest shit, I don’t listen when people tell me to take breaks, I take everything too personally and I can’t stop fucking crying when I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong!” you exclaimed, trying to push yourself away, ashamed.

Bucky held you tightly, not letting you go. “That’s not your fault. It’s not up to you how your feelings show up.”

“But I cry at the most stupid shit and I can’t control it.”

“You’re not supposed to know how to control it,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “Emotions can’t be controlled. They just happen and it’s rarely convenient.”

“Then why do I feel so weak? If this,” you gestured to yourself “is so goddamn normal then why isn’t everyone else breaking down every other day?”

Bucky brushed some hair out of your face. “Your emotions are yours, no one else’s. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. Think of it this way - you can’t expect everyone to have the same amount of strength or stamina - no one has the same emotional response either. And that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you you.”

You shook your head. “I just feel so weak all the time.”

“And I’m here to remind you that crying isn’t weak. You are not a weak person, you are not a bad person, you’re not any of those things your mind tells you. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. You put your heart into everything you do. You help everyone you can. Mourning someone else’s loss isn’t weakness. It’s called empathy.”

You took a small breath. “Then why does it hurt so goddamn much?”

“”I don’t know. And I can’t say for certain that you won’t always feel that way. But I know I can tell you that you aren’t weak, and I’ll be here every time you feel that you are.”

You nodded your head slightly. “You don’t think I’m weak?” you asked quietly.

He pulled you back into a hug. “Not in the slightest, y/n.”

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angelictrl · 3 years

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hihi wifey, im feeling kinda anxious/sad in general so can i request just have satan + asmo being jealous tysm ❤️❤️❤️

JEALOUS SATAN & ASMO.

a/n ;; sorry that this is late and i apologize if this is sucky ! head’s been empty but i’m trying desperately not to get writer’s block </3 also, asmodeus’ part got longer than expected, oops.

cw ;; threats, insecurities, hurt-ish/comfort. satan is a moody baby and asmodeus appreciation/supremacy. not proof-read. that’s all, really, besides some cranky demons.

# satan. ``

@ others making him jealous . . .

whoever has the audacity to go and make the literal avatar of wrath jealous definitely has a death wish. whether or not some random demon who was getting too touchy, flirting, or taking up your time and attention with or without knowing that you were his partner, he’d still get pissed.

however, he has two reactions: either, 1. he storms up to them and puts them in their place/threatens them before pulling you away if he hasn’t destroyed something, or 2. he’s just on the verge ... sitting there, peeking over a book with a menacing aura as he glares at everyone like a cat, ready to claw someone in the corner.

satan trusts you, so if he goes with the latter, he’ll be silently raging internally while he waits for you to tell them you have a boyfriend and decline their advances. if they continue to push you when you already told them no, that’s when blondie here will snap and go with reaction 1.

“oi, just what do you think you’re doing ? my s/o already said no, you pitiful creature(s). quit gawking at them before i forcefully make you. understand?”

@ brothers making him jealous . . .

on the other hand, if it’s one of his brothers hogging all of your attention, he gets more petty than anything, really. the threats are still there, though. and especially if it’s lucifer who’s stealing you away ... yikes, everyone in HoL will know his change in mood as he’s been on lucifer’s ass more than usual with his pranks and curses.

satan will be visibly annoyed and give each and every one of you the cold shoulder by locking himself in his room more often than not (leviathan the hermit, who ?) to get lost in his books until he gets reassurance and affection from you.

he’s not really insecure, but more lost and confused than anything. he’s the brother that’s pretty much the odd one out, though none of them treat him differently, and he’s always had an issue with feeling enmeshed to lucifer.

even when he knows he’s his own person, he was created from a quite literal ungodly amount of rage and wrath. it’s all he’s known before you came along into his life. so surely ... you’ll excuse him for looking like a kicked puppy as he tries to sort through these new feelings, right ?

right, because you’re already there holding his hand in reassurance. that same rough hand that’s tortured and destroyed so many things is being held by someone so fragile ... someone who’s looked death in the eye ... someone who makes him feel like he’s something more than just a monster.

you truly were just like that main character in one of his books ... you were the beauty to his beast. or, properly phrased, you brought out the beauty in his beast.

# asmodeus. ``

@ others making him jealous . . .

‘oh, honey, you look like rumpelstiltskin, yet you still think you can compare to me ?‘ pretty much his thought process right there.

no but really, asmo may be sweet and the most gentle out of the brothers right next to beel, but he’s still an avatar of a sin. there’s no doubt that the lot of demons there in the devildom would be intimidated by asmodeus in the competition for your love - and honestly, who could blame them ?

most of them who don’t live under a rock would already know that you two are in a relationship with how much asmo posts about you, so it would take some serious devotion from any demon who dares to have the gall to compete with him - whether or not they view you as a fling - and asmodeus will not hesitate to get petty.

you’re going to need to reassure your demon boyfriend here that you only have eyes for him before he exposes the second half of deep, dark secrets this other person/people have on the internet ^^;;

@ brothers making him jealous . . .

he’d still think of himself as somewhat superior and cuter, but he’d tone things down. he wouldn’t ruin his brothers’ lives like how he would be willing to do so with strangers.

regardless of whether or not it’s a stranger, friend, or brother of his, in the end, asmo will be extra touchy and will spoil you with more spa dates and trips to majolish than usual. this is mostly because he doesn’t want you to notice his recent gloomy change in mood as he’s stuck on the thought of ‘what if’ had you really left him for someone else.

those intrusive thoughts just keep on swarming through his head ... so what better than to try to get back into routine with daily life ? he just hopes you haven’t taken notice, but unfortunately for him, you have.

you’ve noticed his slightly disheveled hair and outfit along with the mountain of clothes and makeup piling up in his room and his vanity. plus, let’s not begin to even mention the excessive amount of concealer he’s been wasting to try and hide his eyebags.

things finally begin to progress in the communication area when you sit him down and confront him one night while everyone’s asleep. though, getting him to work through the root of his charismatic-party-animal mask proves to be quite difficult.

“dear, it’s adorable how you care so much for me, but you’re really going to get wrinkles this way. here, come a little closer and let me do your skincare first, then we’ll chat ... c’mon ~ i said closer, hon. i don’t bite ... well, unless you want me to ~”

“asmo, baby ...” you cut him off for the nth time that night as he tried to change the subject again, watching the demon with champagne-colored hair who flung himself at you again glance at you with his cheeky smile faltering for a split second before he quickly regained his composure, but it wasn’t anything that you couldn’t catch onto. “please, stop changing the topic. i’ve come to talk to you ... the real you. no spontaneous activities, no makeovers, just you.”

asmodeus’ face paled ever so slightly and his eye twitched as he thought of playing dumb, but you were just so sincere. he couldn’t even manage out a ‘whatever do you mean ?’ before laughing in disbelief while turning the other way. “this - this is the real ..... the real ... me ... i have no clue what you’re talking about ...” he choked out while tears glossed over his eyes, his back turned to you.

in his theatrics and dramatic antics, he’d fake cry occasionally, but to truly feel such strong, negative emotions especially towards himself as he cried ... it was ugly. he was ugly. and now, surely if you saw his face, you’d leave him too. for he was such a shallow, ugly, good-for-nothing demon. no matter how much he polished his attitude to be sassy and charismatic or tried on the latest trending outfits and makeup, there was always this feeling of emptiness left in him. not like the black hole everyone called beel’s stomach, but this void left in his heart, this hurting in his chest that wouldn’t go away when the afterglow of each party and hookup arrived, this longing for warmth - not even just physically - for someone to hold him like he did for his brothers on their lonesome nights when they remembered the past.

the avatar of lust was knocked out of his thoughts by a pained noise, confusion written on his face before he realized it was himself. he was sobbing into your chest as you held him close, your fingers delicately carding through his tousled hair. ugly. he thought each sorrowful noise that came out of him was ugly, and he couldn’t help but chant sorry’s your way through tears. he didn’t know when you had came closer once more to hold him, but he buried his face into your shirt and finally let loose the flood of his emotions clinging desperately to you.

“p-please ... don’t go away too, s/o. you’re the true jewel of the devildom, my dear. you’re so much more beautiful than i’ll ever be ... and i ... i don’t mean that just by l-looks ... please ... i love you so much ...”

obey me masterlist.

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