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#Because like. The last two hyperfixations of mine ended the moment I started feeling like there wasn't any new content

light-lanterne · 1 year

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no one asked me but i don't care >:(

please, if i may, allow me to share some words about some of my favourite people this year. i must forewarn you, i most certainly forgot someone x.x i am feverish and have the memory of a goldfish, so please forgive me.

anyway, in no particular order:

@bottomlessabyssposts

hello, dearest nico! i'm,,, talking to you as i write this so this is a little awkward x.x anyway, thank you so much for letting me ramble for hours on end ! i'm sure it must get a little overwhelming at times, so i'm genuinely thankful for your endless patience and kindness. let it be known that you're an amazing writer and i can't wait for your next projects~ i'm a little angry at you though >:( that nier song you sent me is now stuck in my head and i can't get it out u.u anyway, thank you for letting me share my bad poetry attempts with you, and for helping me give shape to ideas that would otherwise be discarded simply because i don't know what to do with them. you're a great friend :] thank you for letting me talk to you

@smoosnoom

moon! there is much i could say about your writing but it'd probably take a lot of space so i'll just go ahead and expose myself: it is i, a friend-shaped krampus !! >.< i was too shy to talk to you then, but you're just so lovely and easy to talk to so thank you for being so welcoming and sweet :( i wasn't kidding back then, your writing is nothing short of impressive and all your stories leave me feeling like i just got a nice, warm hug :] as i'm sure it's become evident, i have too many words and this post is going to end up being huge so i'll leave it here. thank you again for being so friendly and for making such nice, beautiful stories~

@paladibun

jace ! it's been a bit, i hope things are going well for you~ so, i've actually been writing for quite a few years (for different fandoms) and never had someone made artwork for any of my stories. there will never be enough words to express how much that meant to me, and your continued support and encouragement are big reasons i didn't drop tde after the third chapter (i must go back to writing it x.x i promise i'm almost done with the next chapter). anyway, thank you so much for being so amazing to me, and thank you so much for sharing your beautiful art with us all. you're insanely talented, and every piece you produce is ridiculously unique and jaw-dropping <3

@ghoulsanderson

well, well, well. would you look who it is? if it isn't the person who inspired me to start writing after a two-year-long writer's block,,, no, but seriously, thank you so much for sharing your pretty stories with us! i adore your writing style and the way you get into mike's head is outstanding~ each of your works leaves me craving for more and each of them is even more enthralling than the last :] hope you've been feeling better ! and i hope we all get more vecna'd mike stories because, like you, i am feeling a slight withdrawal x.x

@lilacline001

lilac! hello! it's also been a bit since i saw you here on tumblr; i hope you've had excellent holidays! when i started making graphics, i had absolutely no idea what i was doing until i made the one for nocturne. it was an epiphany! a defining moment where i went from getting frustrated over never "getting it right", to having fun making stuff! so thank you for that :] your story motivated me in all the right ways~ speaking of,,, what an amazing tale! the way you write is heart-wrenching and endearing to no ends and the intrigue surrounding the universe you've created has me thoroughly hooked :] thank you for writing one of my favourite stories,,, ever, honestly,,, and i can't wait to see what happens next!

@bookinit02

haven! another one of my favourite authors! i started reading byler fanfics sometime in july and your works were some of the first that really got me into this little hyperfixation of mine~ (,,,should i be thanking you for that? x.x the brainrot is real and you're the one to blame /lh) anyway, yeah! your stories are amazing and unique and inspiring! i love the way you blend sweet fluff and soul-crushing angst so effortlessly. it hurts, but i love it ;-; i shall eagerly await for the next chapter of your retelling~ thank you for your incredible work, and for being so nice every time we've interacted !

@itsromeowrites

aha! another individual who's responsible for my hyperfixation! i don't have any evidence because ao3 decided to eat all of my bookmarks (what's up with that, anyway?), but 'a game of truths' was one of my first favourite fics x.x anyway, thank you so much for the amazing stories you write! just earlier i read 'playing pretend never felt so real' and i am not ashamed to confess that it had me giggling and smiling like a fool all the way through. you have a beautiful way of conveying the intricacies of your character's emotions and i can only aspire to be a tenth as good as you are in the future. thanks for the stories and for the sweetness ! i saw your post from yesterday (?) and it made me so happy ;-; thank youu

@astrobei

hello suni :] i've got a confession: i don't know why, but for a few months of my byler-spiral i,,, didn't read your works x.x no reason, i just,,, didn't. but everything changed (when the fire nation attacked yes, i know i'm not funny) and now they've become a great comfort for me! just recently i was having a really bad day and rereading some of your work really lifted my mood! the way you portray domesticity and feelings is incredibly realistic and endearing, and the introspective sections you write are so eloquent and descriptive~ thank you for the amazing works :D

@andiwriteordie

ahoy, oh wondrous andi! we haven't interacted much tbh, but every time we do you're incredibly kind and you make me smile a lot so thank you for that :] likewise, thank you for the astronomical amount of stories you share with all of us! there was this one post that went around the other day, about how some writers just seem to be made of stories. i believe there's no better way to describe you than that! every day, you share some beauty with everyone and it's downright scary how good everything is all the time :S more than that, however, it is inspiring to see so much creativity and you're constantly the reason new ideas pop into my head~

@perexcri

hello percy ! :] out of everyone on this ridiculously long list, i think your story, 'to hell and back again', is the one that had me laughing the hardest. my tummy even hurt at some points >.< it takes a lot of talent to create such an engaging story that seems to have the perfect combination of alluded-angst, humour and fluff~ i've read a handful of your other works since, and they're just as good, just as entertaining and heart-warming! you really are amazing and i can't wait to have some free time to read a few more of your stories hehe thank you for being so amazing, and for the huge honour that is making one of my graphics into an actual physical object! your friend (don't know if i should namedrop them) is amazing and it still baffles me to imagine something i designed being made into a physical thingy. thank you to both of you~

@byleresque

hi kat! i've only recently read one of your stories and i have already put your other two on my "to-read list" because your style is so nice and funny and charming :] it did ache a little though, but it was the best type of ache so i'm sure i'll enjoy everything else you put out~ thank you so much for the cuteness and the giggles, and for being so supportive and sweet ;-; good luck with writing your book! i'm sure it'll be wonderful~

@untitled-byler-blog

lilly! hi ! :D hope you're having a nice day! i'm,,, very quiet and awkward so i don't typically comment on your stuff, but lately i've been seeing a lot of sad posts from you :( and i just want you to know that you're amazing! your stories might be short, but it honestly makes me think of fairy tales and that's lovely~ i am incapable of brevity (clearly x.x) so it's confounding to see how someone can fit so much stuff in such few words no, seriously, how can you paint such a clear picture in the space it takes me to describe a singular hug? x.x it's impressive and requires a lot of talent (which i evidently lack) and i wish more people gave it a shot because each of your fics is a lovely nice ride~ anyway, all this is to say that you're awesome! i hope you feel better about this all soon and please remember you can send me any of your stories so i can share them and maybe help a little, okei? i'm cheering you on !

@rotisserie5107

helloo! so, we've never talked, i don't think. or maybe we have, i do have the memory of a goldfish so please forgive me if i've forgotten x.x anyway, hi~ just wanted to thank you for always being so nice and supportive of my stuff! your little comments always make me smile a lot :] that's all i wanted to say hehe

@souppiemousse

hi hii! may i call you souppie? or is there another name you'd prefer? :S we've never interacted, so i apologise if this is random :( just wanted to tell you that i adore your art~ it makes me super happy to see it and it has inspired me a lot lately when i'm writing~ so yeah, i just wanted to thank you for sharing your adorable art :] (okei, i'll stop being a weirdo now u.u again, sorry if this is icky)

okei, that's it! that's all the people who come to mind for now :S sorry if i missed anyone, i'm just tired and sick :( happy new year to everyone! i hope you accomplish anything you put your minds to, and i hope you smile and are happy today and every day this year :]

(i'm gonna take a nap now, this was supposed to be short x.x)

#🌙#💗#🧸

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l3sbianomens · 6 months

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I wrote this monstrosity a month or so after good omens 2 released. I had a lot of thoughts about the final scene bouncing around in my head and I had to get them out. So for my zero followers, here you go. Spoilers ahead.

Good Omens season 2 has genuinely impacted my life. I can't remember a time I've ever been so invested in a story. This hyperfixation is so different for me, and it's so fun. I didn't have the same kind of reaction that I did to other hyperfixations of mine, like TLOU and ST. I didn't yell at my screen, pleading for the life of a character I loved. I wasn't heaving and wiping snot from my face. I didn't cover my mouth with my hands. I just sat in silence. With my heart in my throat. It felt like whiplash. My face had been sore from smiling so hard. And then the last 15 minutes I could feel my brows furrowing closer, inching together. My cheeks no longer hurt. But my forehead did. I had the climax of The Scene spoiled, but I didn't know the context. So the further I got into the final minutes, I was more and more confused. Crowley was going to take Aziraphale to the Ritz for breakfast, okay this is good. Nina and Maggie show up, and finally, FINALLY, knock some sense into Crowley. All those things you've got pent up inside? You have to tell him. You can't keep avoiding it. You have to communicate for once in your life. Now's your chance. Tell Aziraphale how you REALLY feel. My heart started beating out of my chest. I was spinning. Crowley is going to confess.

But then Aziraphale came back to the bookshop. And barreled over Crowley. "Hold that thought!" And spoke and spoke and spoke. And my heart started its downward spiral into the pit in my stomach. There's no way. He can't, can he? Watching the horror spread across Crowley's face as Aziraphale speaks. Then the first dagger hit "Tell me you said no! Tell me you said no!?" And when Crowley started to speak? My heart raced with each word that was spoken. The microexpressions, the pacing of the dialogue, the emotion you can hear in their voice. I'm sure Crowley had spent the time Aziraphale was still gone after Nina and Maggie left deciding what he wanted to say. But then everything changed. It was no longer just a confession. He was pleading his case to the lone juror. "And I would like to spend- hmm" The dagger twisted in my chest as I watched the tears beading on his waterline, threatening to spill over onto his cheeks (David Tennant I am in your WALLS for that) as Aziraphale with tears in his eyes says "Oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever" The dagger didn't just twist, it was pulled out nearly all the way, and shoved back in. "No... No I don't suppose it does." Then Crowley puts his glasses come back on, and walks away. And Aziraphale realizes what's happening. He begs and begs. He even insinuates that Crowley has misunderstood. But Crowley? Crowley understands exactly what's happening. Their love for each other does not absolve the fact that heaven is no place for Crowley, for either of them really. He won't compromise himself, not again. He won't go back to heaven. And Aziraphale shouldn't either.

And then Crowley says the line that made me realize there was really no going back. We had started a swan dive into the deep end. "That's the point. No nightingales" And honestly? I think that line hurt just as much as "Nothing lasts forever" for me, because A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square didn't just signify the happy ending from season one for us, the viewers. It was playing at the Ritz. It wasn't just for the fans, for the joke of a nightingale really singing in Berkeley Square. It actually HAPPENED for them. To Crowley and Aziraphale. The two of them experienced it with us. It meant something to them, too. Aziraphale's face says it all. And then what I had been waiting for, the moment I had completely warped in my mind, it happened. "You idiot. We could have been...us." Aziraphale had to physically look away, and I felt like I COULDN'T look away. I could feel the knife going for its final twist. The music swelled, I could feel it in my bones that this was a moment I would never forget. It wasn't what I had expected. It wasn't what I wanted. I didn't think we'd get ANY of this. Not a confession, not the additional context of their lives together. A season of so much joy. I'd been laughing and smiling and kicking my feet for fucks sake! I didn't expect us to get anything. But I ESPECIALLY did not expect what I got. Crowley takes three steps. Nothing was the same after those three steps.

The absolute force at which Crowley kissed him felt like it knocked ME back. Watching Aziraphale panic, the pain in his eyes. The confusion. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't decide whether to hold on or let go. He eventually closes his eyes but he can't decide where to place his hands. Whether to grip on for dear life. And then they pull apart. The look on Aziraphale's face is burned into my corneas. His shaky gasp. His eyes darting as he tries to process what just happened. And then the final twist of the knife before it was ripped from my chest, "I-I..." the shift in Aziraphale's face here? Haunts me. (Michael Sheen I am in your FUCKING WALLS for that). And then? "I forgive you" and Crowley's face, unchanging since they pulled apart, saying "Don't bother" while walking away. And the knife was ripped from my chest, not clean, though. It's twisted on the way out, too. Maximum carnage.

And then, of course, a new knife appeared. Because I could see every emotion washing through Aziraphael. The knife twisted when I saw the tears in Aziraphale's eyes, shakily exhaling as Crowley retreated. And then, it twisted again. Because Aziraphale reached for his lips, to feel where they'd just touched Crowley's for the first time. His eyes widen, brows raising as the shock set in. And then, when he pulled his hand away? The anger had set in. He looked fucking angry. He looked how I felt, that "It wasn't supposed to happen like THIS. Not like this." look. That's how I looked, too. This whole season, Aziraphale was so much more open with his love for Crowley. In gestures, in words, in glances. He's spent millenia watching humans fall in love, reading about love, and eventually falling in love himself. He'd just spent the last few days doing everything in his power to get Nina and Maggie to fall in love. He watched Beelzebub and Gabriel leave, happy, and together, and in love. I nearly jumped out of my seat when he grabbed Crowley's arm, as Gabriel and Beelzebub finally hold onto each other. Aziraphale realized that his love for Crowley was possible. An angel and a demon could BE together. It happened in front of him. He had just planned the whole night for Nina and Maggie, sure. But Aziraphale planned it for him, too. He told us as much when he and Crowley were discussing ways to make Maggie and Nina fall in love. Dancing, realizing you had misunderstood each other. His first plan had already been ruined by Shax appearing. And then Gabriel and Beelzebub happen. And the wheels started to turn. This was his chance. Even better than before because they had just seen an angel and a demon go off together and not be stopped. It was possible for them now. They had a shot.

And of course, the fucking Metatron appeared. Because of course he did. This was all his plan. He knew Crowley would say no. He had to have known. There was nothing in the coffee. There were no threats. And how did he know? Well, he was the one to get Crowley cast out of heaven of course. He tells us as much. "Always did want to go his own way, asking damned fool questions" He is the voice of God. To speak to him is to speak to God, or so he says. So Crowley spoke to him. And the Metatron did not like what he had to say. He knew that Crowley would never come back. He ESPECIALLY knew that, being the one to appoint a traitor to be the next Supreme Archangel. The one who went native. Soft, but pliable, or so he thinks. The one with little faith in heaven but full faith in the almighty. And that was enough. He knew that was enough. Because he also knows that Aziraphale and Crowley together are too powerful. Why else would the score have changed when he got Aziraphale to go with him to chat? Why else would he have looked relieved when Aziraphale got into the elevator? He needs them to be separated, for whatever reason. I don't have any specific theories besides them being too powerful together.

#can you tell my brain is rotting?#because i genuinely feel like I'm losing it #i could talk about individual scenes for hours #good omens #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens 2

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king-arthur-obsessed · 8 days

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details and blablah under the cut ❤︎

might have seen this little movie with a certain Charlie Hunnam in it? nothing big or fancy of course... *cough cough*

I am very much late to this party, ain't I?

so... I randomly discovered King Arthur, legend of the sword last year (june 2023) when I was looking for a movie to show my kids (junior high teacher here) before summer break. and boy... i am obsessed. it's been almost a year now and it's not slowing down. the hyperfixation really be hyperfixating this time. i rewrote the whole freacking script... FOR FUN 💀 (it's the autism 🤷‍♀️) as a maladaptive daydreamer many stories came to my mind, many silly self-inserts with many silly cringy personalities, and some of them eventually turned into ✨OCs✨ two of these stories I have decided I will write and publish on ao3 and wattpad, and on this blog I shall detail my progress with snippets, blurbs, edits and whatnots. you are welcome ❤︎ I am well aware that the King Arthur fandom, if it ever existed (did you know there was supposed to be 6 movies??? 😩), is probably dead and buried. But oh well, I'm in love with this movie and if no one actually reads my fics or likes my posts then so be it. i'm just happy to share my silly stories ❤︎

★ I will be working on 2 main projects: ❤︎ project 1, temporary-or-not title -> The King's Mage a full rewrite of the movie adding my OC. as canon compliant as can be but the mage will be replaced with my OC with a full backstory which heavily impacts the plot. tags: plot heavy, Arthur x ofc, strangers to slightly irritated partners to lovers, dual pov, 3rd person pov, semi canon-compliant ❤︎ project 2, temporary-or-not title -> The King's Bride starts a few weeks after the end of the movie. A young princess is sent as a bride to Arthur in order to build an alliance between 2 kingdoms. tags: Arthur x ofc, romance, so sweet it hurts your teeth, diabetes level fluffy fluff, innocent-pure-unexperienced-kinda-dumb ofc, maybe smut but not heavy nor the focus and would come late, strangers to lovers, forced marriage

★ about the female OCs: All my fanfictions as of now had started as self-inself daydreaming. I have a maladaptive daydreaming and dissociative disorders and sometimes these stories become more than just silly little self insert scenes with my current obsession, and they start growing and growing until at some point the self-insert persona turns into a whole new original character.

Which is why the female main OCs are most of the time blondes with green eyes and fair skin, because as former self-inserts, they look like me. But their personalities and goals have developed so much that they no longer resemble mine. They have become their own. These characters I now think of as OCs and not avatars of myself.

→ I consider my work to not be self-insert for these reasons but i understand if some disagree.

★ I will first focus on The King's Bride because it's less serious, more of a fun fluffy romance and requires less research and plot devices. But I will also continue working on The King's Mage on the side, just so you know, the latter one will take more time to get published. ★ These two fics are not my top priorities at the moment. I am actively working on 3 other fics in 3 other fandoms. It's more of a side treat for myself since they just cannot leave my mind so whenever I feel like it I will make progress and show it here ❤︎ ★ I'm going to assume these projects will not attract many so I'm taking my time but if you are interested or excited somehow please do tell, it usually gives me a good boost if I know someone out there is expecting my work ❤︎

★ I am currently working on 3 other wips in these fandoms: Hogwarts Legacy / Strangers Things / Rebel Moon

★ You can find my subblogs for each of them where I post updates, snippets, edits and other bonus content:

❤︎ Hogwarts Legacy → Everything Slytherin @slytherin-obsessed ❤︎ Stranger Things → Everything Billy @billy-hargrove-obsessed ❤︎ Rebel Moon → Everything Rebel Moon @rebel-moon-obsessed

★ you can find two of my wips already being posted on ao3 and wattpad: ❤︎ Hogwarts Legacy → ✦ Beyond You Eyes ✦ on ao3 and wattpad ❤︎ Stranger Things → ✦ Stranger Love ✦ on ao3 and wattpad

✦ tiktok ✦ → I post updates, bonus content and other random things for all my fanfics, fandoms and all my c.ai bots.

✦ character ai ✦ → main account.

✦ charcter ai ✦ → french version.

✦ caard ✦ → all my links in one place.

#king arthur legend of the sword #king arthur #charlie hunnam #king arthur fanfiction

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bumpycap · 1 year

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thinking about my old best friend

like every time I think about her I gotta think more on it, I'm pretty sure her and her two siblings all had crushes on me at some point

gonna describe these suspicions and stuff here, might be a long one(code words as usual)

I remember some drama happening, and after it I think me and Wallaby were sitting out in a field next to eachother. It was summer and over in a visible parking lot there were a group of pretty girls in like tank tops and stuff. Wallaby pointed them out blatently, she said "Those girls are hot, right?" I think she glanced between me and the girls as well?

Me being me, I... said something along the lines of "Yeah? I guess?? It's literally summer???"

I was later told by by ex best friend that Wallaby definitely initially had a crush on me. Wallaby was probably gauging on if I was into girls or not.

Ex best friend's explanation made a whole lot more sense, as when Wallaby left the state, she hugged me as if I would disappear at any moment, looked me in the eyes, and said "I will come back for you."

Wallaby was probably a fumble on my part now that I'm typing this out.

Ocelot(...Clouded Leopard? I don't know, couldn't find an animal that felt right.), he was brief because he was years older. He didn't know my age at the time of suspected crushing(although we were both minors at the time, dw). He hugged me a lot, excited tight hugs like how I think a puppy would. The event happened before he transitioned(it wouldn't have happened otherwise, as he would have been placed in the guys room.)

But the hint event was... I had a thing at the time when if I didn't want to respond, I just stood like a statue, not moving, not blinking. I did this enough times that Ex best friend and Ocelot got used to it, but was irritated. I froze for one of the last times, and he threatened to kiss me if I didn't move. I thought it was a joke, an empty threat, so I let him get closer, closer, closer. It wasn't a joke. Just before he would have ended up kissing me, I panicked and slapped him as hard as I could across the face. :)

It was honestly so funny at the time lol.

Anyways I feel quite bad for him and Wallaby, for reasons I won't say.

Okay onto the ex best friend, Bunny.

First bit of friendship was great, then we got to being best friends. Talked about most everything, being competitive with eachother, gushed about our hyperfixation at the time(Undertale, she had a hyperfixation and got over it, mine turned into special interest territory.)

We got more comfy with eachother, bad jokes, me always teasing her about being short and calling her Rabbit or Bunny. She bit and kicked me a lot during and after comfy stage. Her bites hurt, and she wore steel toed boots so ofc that hurt like hell as well.

Then I got to her like sharing the same bed with me no questions, sharing lunch with her, etc. (At the beginning of this, she was great, but then got progressively worse with hygiene and stuff.) Then she came out to me as bi, albeit I think nervously? Anyways.

She started clinging to me when scared, getting nervous and flustered when I tried changing in the same area as her, we held hands as we fell asleep once.

I called her Bunny a lot of the time, and she called me her Knight (In Shining Armor not always included).

Anyways middle of the friendship she started getting stinkier and political, at one point she convinced me COVID shots 'changed your DNA so that if you die they can't recognize the DNA'(I was gullible and trusted her.) I found out she basically only willingly took showers if she was like muddy or got something on her, which explained her smell.

Anyways, only pieced all this together recently after so long of not really communicating with them anymore.

All of them have small animal names because they were so short :>

Sorry for the long post, you don't have to read :D

I just wanted to post what I'm now seeing is how oblivious I am.

#friend #crush #lmao #fyp #oblivious #haha #aaaaaaa

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buckaroosboogara · 3 years

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911 week - Day 4:

“It’s always been you.” + love

(1700~ words, Buck and Eddie, blackout fic.)

@911week

"How long have we been here? Are you okay?" Buck asked, his throat begging for water.

"We have been here for," Eddie looked at his watch, the only source of light in the elevator. "3 hours."

"Are you okay?" He asked one more time.

Eddie's silence dragged for almost a minute before Buck spoke again.

"I need to know if you are hurt."

"I'm fine... physically." He finally said, taking air sharply. "The darkness and tight space... it reminds me of..."

"The well accident. Fuck."

The first thing Buck noticed when he woke up was that he was in a dark place.

It was hot, closed, and pitch-black. Tight.

He didn't like the implications of that.

He tried to move from his laying position only to be stopped by a stabbing pain in his skull.

Buck hissed as he laid on the floor again and a voice sounded in the dark, quiet but worried.

"Hey, hey, Buck, you are awake," The voice said out of breath. Buck felt a hand come to his shoulder clumsily and pat him. "Welcome back."

Buck grunted. His throat was dry and his mouth felt like sand, contrary to his skin which felt soaked in sweat. At least the pain was more bearable.

He turned on his back to sense the voice's owner, Eddie, sitting next to him on the floor. "What happened?"

"What happened was that we were helping a woman out of this elevator when the lights went off again and the elevator went down some stores before I pressed the emergency button." Eddie explained, with his breaths still shaky. "You hit your head pretty bad and I bandaged it with what I could. The radios don't work here, so I'm hoping Bobby will notice we are not out there with them."

Buck's hand climbed to his wet forehead where a piece of cloth was held to his skin with two pieces of tape. Rough but it would work.

"What happened with our coats' flashlights? And our helmets?"

"They ran out of battery, we used them for 8 hours straight Buck." Eddie yawned. "I took mine off as well as yours, this place feels like an oven. And the helmets... they are somewhere here."

"I kind of became desperate when I couldn't see or hear you. I haven't been able to look for them." Eddie huffed.

"And how long have we been here? Are you okay?" Buck asked, his throat begging for water.

"We have been here for," Eddie looked at his watch, the only source of light in the elevator. "3 hours."

"Are you okay?" He asked one more time.

Eddie's silence dragged for almost a minute before Buck spoke again.

"I need to know if you are hurt."

"I'm fine... physically." He finally said, taking air sharply. "The darkness and tight space... it reminds me of..."

"The well accident." Buck said with a huff. "Fuck, Eds I..."

"I am fine." Eddie forced out through his gritted teeth.

"Eddie-"

"No. I'm fine. End of conversation, we need to keep the oxygen."

Buck nodded although Eddie couldn't see him.

So he would of course avoid the topic.

He heard Eddie place his head against the metallic wall and breathe with difficulty.

Buck rolled his eyes, he knew how stubborn Eddie could be and he didn't need that in stressful moments like that one.

"Have any news about Chris?"

"Nope. My phone died like an hour ago," Eddie answered. "I couldn't find yours."

"Well, that's because mine is..." Buck muttered as he looked for the device on the back pocket of his pants. "Safe on my ass."

Eddie snorted a laugh and Buck smiled, mission accomplished.

The phone almost slipped from his hands and the air was taken from his lungs.

He turned it on and the light made him hiss. He could now see the elevator - it was indeed very small - and he could see Eddie, who was very much shirtless. His shirt was on his shoulders, missing the piece that was on his head.

"I-I guess I'll have to buy a new one. Great." He said, avoiding to look at the man by his side.

The device buzzed with a notification of very low battery, only 5%, and Buck noticed the screen had cracked in the fall.

"I could buy you one, after all, it's my fault that it's broken. Now give me." Eddie spoke and Buck did as told.

"So, what's the diagnosis doc?"

The former medic proceeded to turn the flashlight on and crouched in front of Buck to check his pupils.

"Pupils are matching, but you will need a CT scan once we get out of here."

Buck groaned again. He hated those.

Eddie passed Buck his phone but stayed still in front of him for some seconds.

Apart from being very much shirtless, Buck noticed he was very much pale and shaking. There was fear in his shiny eyes, which were scanning him in detail.

A hyperfixation.

Buck closed his eyes as he sighed, he should have known.

"Are you having a panic or anxiety attack?"

Eddie went back to his side feeling embarrassed and huffed a humorless laugh, "Honestly... I don't know. It just feels bad."

Buck shifted positions to look fully at Eddie. "It's okay. I'm here Eddie, I just need you to breathe. Will you do it with me?"

Eddie nodded, the world went black again.

His phone had died.

Eddie's breaths went faster.

"No, no, don't do that. You are going to hyperventilate and we don't want that." Buck grabbed Eddie's hand and squeezed it. "I'm here okay? I'm here with you. We are going to breathe together, how about that?"

"O-Okay."

"Inhale, one... two... three... four... yeah like that, and exhale, one... two... three... four..."

Some minutes later Eddie could calm down, the shudders went away with the cold sweat and they stayed in silence. Buck's hand was still tangled with Eddie's, on the other man's lap.

That encouraged Eddie to voice his thoughts.

"I... I hadn't remembered what it felt like until today. Not for years." He whispered into the air.

"I could have died. But I remembered a promise I made Chris once." Eddie turned his head to watch Buck. He found pitch-black that somehow made it easier to talk. "That I would always fight to come back to my family."

Eddie looked at the front again and simply said, "You are my family."

He felt Buck's body tensing by his side as he started stuttering. "I- I Eddie-"

"Why did you think I changed my will? I trust you more than I trust my own parents." He scoffed bitterly, squeezing his hand.

"I... I thought you only saw me as your best friend."

"If you knew..." he shut his mouth quickly. He had gone too far.

How could he have gone that far? Voicing his thoughts didn't mean telling Buck the truth about the things he felt for him. About the warm wave of happiness that washed over him every time they locked eyes. Every time Buck smiled. Every time Buck was with Chris.

The feeling of home never faded whenever he was with Buck, instead, it gained strength every time they saw each other.

"If I knew... what?" Buck asked and Eddie could feel his look on his side. His cheeks started to burn.

"Eddie-?" Buck was cut by hot lips on his cheek, giving him just a sweet short peck and going away. He gasped and Eddie tried to untangle their hands but Buck grabbed him tighter.

With his heart running wild on his chest, he reached a hand into the darkness and found a chest, he went up until he found Eddie's chin and clumsily made their lips meet halfway.

The kiss turned to be as good as a kiss in the darkness could be.

So unexpected, so romantic.

It was a mess. Both were a hot, sticky mess - in the good way, not the horny one - in a dark elevator at 5 am, sealing their mouths in their first kiss.

Buck loved it.

Eddie loved it too.

They separated to catch up with their breaths and smiled to the dark.

"If you knew," Eddie started, feeling Buck's head resting on his chest. "That it’s always been you, Buck.”

"I always saw you, Evan Buckley. For who you are, your good things and your bad things. I've seen your worst and your best, and I wanna be there for and with you in them for the rest of our lives."

"Ever since I saw you in the firehouse for the first time, since I saw you smiling in your car when we went to look for Christopher after the earthquake, since I saw you pinned under that truck... I have always known it's you. You who I want to experience life. You who I wanna watch Chris grow. You who I wanna marry someday. You who I wanna grow old with." Eddie answered with a smile.

"I love you too."

"Eddie... Oh god, all this time you... Fuck, I- I want that too." Buck chuckled, placing his hand carefully on his jawline and pulling him for another kiss.

"I love you."

The last thing they expected next was to hear the 118 outside the doors, having heard half of the conversation.

"As much as I love listening to you two getting your shit together-" Hen's voice cut through the elevator's doors. "And I really love it, we need to get you two outta there so, Albert! Bring the jaws!"

Then cheers were heard as both were freed from the elevator, coming out half hugging the other.

"You should have told me it would take you some hours in a sauna to get together! I would have gladly paid!" Chimney teased them.

"Amen, you said it, Chim." Hen agreed, making Buck seat on the gurney and transporting him down with the rest of the crew.

She checked both of them once they were in the parked ambulance and exclaimed to the street, "You all owe me 20 bucks each!"

The couple heard the whole 118 groan before they closed the ambulance doors and started making their way to the hospital, the light of the sunrise illuminating the city which was slowly recovering the electricity.

"You had a bet on us?" Buck whined from the gurney.

"Yup, and I just won. Took you three years and a month, but who's counting?" Hen smirked.

Eddie rolled his eyes fondly and took Buck's hand. "You can have all the bucks you want Hen. I already have the one I love."

(Tagging: @perfectlynervousbeard bc they asked me)

Chimney cried from the front, "Ugh, they are going to be that type of couple."

...

#911week2021 #:)#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck and eddie #buck x eddie #911 the blackout #911 speculation #blackout fic #911 on fox #911 fox #soft #love #my fics

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marshmallow-rain · 2 years

Text

I had to spent two nights in a row in two consecutive blackouts in the middle of the hot season, and that completely messed up my sleeping schedule. I finally got a full rest last night and I'm feeling much more awake.

I'll be working in my TWST's AU, but first I'll be giving some love to Cookie Run: Kingdom, that's actually my main hyperfixation at the moment.

I started playing this game from late December and several things have happened. I got so absorbed on this that I started neglecting Twisted Wonderland and Obey Me! It's just that CRK's playstyle is more understable to me than TWST and my Cookies are much easier to level up than my OM!'s cards.

So here you got my Cookie Run: Kingdom experience so far in an incorrect quotes format.

Content Warning: Light spoilers for Castle in the Sky and Timeless Kingdom, Swearing, Overall bad decision-making.

...

Me: *sees blogs posting about this game about cookies in my dashboard* Huh.

...

Me: *sees blogs posting about having fun with this game about cookies in my dashboard* M'kay, I'm getting curious...

...

Me: So it's an RPG? I like those, but it seems kind of heavy for my phone and I'm kind of busy with Obey Me!, I don't know if I should...

...

Me: Wait, how come nobody told me AmaLee voices one of the characters?? Here I go, Parfait Cookie!

...

Pure Vanilla Cookie:

Me: Oh, this is that cookie I kept seeing around.

...

Me: Everybody sounds so cartoonish, I love it.

...

Me: Yeah, I have a lot of fun with Cookie Run: Kingdom!

Also me: *cries for 30 min because I can't landscape to save my life*

...

Me: Okay, I could start leveling my Cotton Cookie and my Cocoa Cookie and my (other Epic Cookies I got early), but what if I just stick to the starter team till I can't go on.

...

Me: There's this Cookie Alliance thing that just came out in this new update....

Me: Forget it, I haven't even unlocked the Arena.

...

Me, scrolling through the Costume gallery: @end-this-gay-disaster once said Licorice Cookie's Pale Reaper Costume is just Devsisters covering him in cocaine and now I can't unsee it. It's their fault every time I see it I giggle like a middle schooler.

...

Me: Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions.

...

Me: Now that I can't be carried through the story by the starting team, I should put some serious thought in building a new one.

Eclair Cookie: *three (almost four) times promoted during his banner* *greatly recommended by meta*

Me: So anyway... *starts maxing Rye Cookie*

...

Me: I should watch out for these Cookies when I encounter them in the Arena: Legendaries, Ancients, Cottton Cookie, Herb Cookie and Moon Rabbit Cookie. As long as I avoid teams with those particular Cookies, me and my team should be a-okay.

Other players: *has at least one of them in their teams*

Me: *cries*

...

Me: I've being owned so many times for others' Cotton Cookies, I should just max mine.

Cotton Cookies: *becomes my best cookie overnight and carries my team*

Me: Turns out the meta is right, apparently.

...

Me: Should I just start doing the actual layout of my kingdom? So far I've only being throwing buildings around, it's kinda embarrasing...

Me: *trying to make a road* *messes up*

Me: Okay, let's- let's not talk about this ever again.

...

Me: *grabbing the Costume Gacha and shaking it* Why do you keep giving me Costumes for Cookies I don't have?!

...

Me: *adds Eclair Cookie to the Arena blacklist* Who would've thought? *still doesn't max him*

...

Me: *picking Raspberry Cookie* I swear it's nothing personal, Eclair Cookie. It's just that the heart wants what it wants and mine wants an all-lesbian team *looks at Cotton Cookie, Cocoa Cookie, Rye Cookie and Chili Pepper Cookie*

Me: *pointing at Cocoa Cookie* She gets a free pass because I got her Enchanting Night Costume and it's too pretty to be left in my ugly ass kingdom.

...

Cookie Run: Kingdom: *updates*

Me: Ooh! They added a new episode to the main story! The Dark Cacao Kingdom looks so neat! And there's a new Ancient! And there's more about Dark Choco Cookie!

Me: Too bad I'm still stuck in the Forgotten Academy.

...

~Me & Affogato Cookie: A Saga~

Affogato Cookie: *is released*

Me: Devsisters, how did you know I like them cunning, pretty, savvy in politics, Machiavellian, gender non-conforming, morally dubious, ambitious, with a silky voice, evil advicers of a king? It's not like I think he's neat, I just need a Bomber Cookie *immediately starts pulling for him*

Also me, after getting him: I don't trust this funky little Cookie *gesturing towards Affogato Cookie*, he just keeps appearing everywhere. Nevermind the game putting him on tasks to level him up, I think he's just trying to take over my kingdom.

Also, also me: Please, please, just take over my kingdom, Affogato Cookie. I cannot decorate.

Me, picking Affogato Cookie up: Haha, look at him. Little guy's so mad.

Me: Sure, I could max Affogato Cookie, but I also want him to just sit pretty and relax while I make everyone else do all the heavy lifting.

Me as well: I could accept Affogato Cookie's offer to eat sweets together, but we both know we would spend it by him trying to butter me up (unnecessary, he's already got me wrapped around his little finger at first sight) in order to carry out some scheme of his and me bullying him out of love.

Me: *crying* Why do I have to be stuck in chapter 7?! I wanna meet him in the main story already!

...

Me, meeting Black Raisin Cookie: Bro, it's that Cookie I've seeing shipped with Pure Vanilla Cookie, dunno why. She's very cool, should I build her?

Me: She would hate me, though, I really don't like raisins.

...

Me, meeting Healer Cookie: That's Pure Vanilla Cookie! I'm feel so smart, like when I solved A Case of Identity's mystery (from The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes).

Me: I can see why he and Black Raisin Cookie would be shipped.

...

Me: Fine *puts down Raspberry Cookie*, if my Cookies are dying anyway, I might as well just bring Tea Knight Cookie in the team *refuses to look at Tea Knight Cookie's simp*

...

Me, trying to place a bridge over water: Why this bridge won't bridge?!

...

Me: *makes a crappy beach* *makes a crappy campsite* Well, it seems like my Cookies like them.

Me: *sees the rest of my kingdom: a bunch of buildings thrown around* I'm just gonna ignore that for now...

...

Me: Every time I look at my team, I feel it's like Tea Knight Cookie and his granddaughters in a bonding trip that's mostly them in a fighting competition. The winner is whoever has the highest killing count, and Cotton Cookie is winning.

...

Me: *breezes through Episode 7 and 8* Woah, I guess I underestimated my Cookies' growth, I wonder if I'll be able to complete the vanilla adventures.

My team: *dies in Castle in the Sky*

Me: Of course.

...

Me: *adds Cotton Cookie, Herb Cookie and Pure Vanilla Cookie to the Arena blacklist, again* It's so fucking annoying when other people heals, I swear.

...

Me: *shaking the Nether Gacha* Why won't you give me Dark Choco Cookie's dad?! I have to reunite the family!

...

April Fools' Day's Event:

Me: Gosh, I thought this was some gijinka thing when I saw Frost Queen Cookie's transformation on my dash, but it's even funnier than that.

Me: My country only celebrates el Día de los Santos Inocentes, so it's weird seeing this kind of event out of December.

...

Me: This new event is a good excuse to use Cookies I normally wouldn't.

...

Random Cookie: *runs*

Me: *crying* C-cute!

...

Me: I still have PTSD from fighting this Cookie in the Arena, but might as well *buys Moon Rabbit Cookie Fragments*

Moon Rabbit Cookie: *does anything*

Me: *crying* She's too cute!

...

Me: *blacklisting Caramel Arrow Cookie*

Me: *takes the Ancients off my Arena blacklist*

Me: *graylists Eclair Cookie, Moon Rabbit Cookie and Herb Cookie*

Me: Well, that's some weight left off my shoulders.

Me: But why those *gesturing at the Legendaries and Cotton Cookie* don't get any easier?

...

Me, entering my kingdom and seeing a DevNow notice: "Promo code"? Does this game have...? WAIT.

Me: *researches*

Me: *facepalms* Of fucking course.

...

Costume Gacha: *gives me a Costume for the Herb Cookie I don't have*

Me: You know what? Fuck you *starts grinding Herb Cookie's fragments*

...

Gacha: *shows I'm getting an Ancient Cookie*

Me: Dude, dude, this is new, don't you tell me...

Gacha: *gives me Pure Vanilla Cookie*

Me: Woohoo! My first Ancient ever! Nevermind needing a DPS, I gotta give you all my attention!

...

Me: Pfft, everybody looks so tiny besides him.

...

Me: I'm touch-averse, but I really, really want to hug Pure Vanilla Cookie. It's the only thing I can think of whenever I see him on my screen. He just looks so warm and soft and comfy, ugh! I feel like if I could hug I wouldn't need therapy ever again.

...

GingerBrave: *says something about their kingdom having no monarchy*

Me: Wait, I thought I was the queen here? It seems I'm just Architect Cookie, and extra who sucks at her job.

...

Me: Ooh, finally completed the Vanilla Kingdom Adventures, it wasn't that hard. Now on to the Hollyberry Kingdom!

My team: *immediately dies*

Me: Well, shit.

Me: Whatever, at least I finally unlocked the Cookie Alliance, now let's see what this is about...

My team: *immediately dies*

Me: Again? This is pretty acephobic, if you ask me.

...

Me: Pure Vanilla Cookie should have a Healer Cookie Costume, it's kind of weird he doesn't have one since the sprite/model already exists. Maybe to avoid spoilers? It's obvious, though.

Me: It'd make much easier comparing his height to other cookies if he didn't have his big ass cone (affectionate) on his head.

...

Me: You know what? I was hoping to get her on the gacha, but fuck it *buys 20 Parfait Cookie's fragments*

Me: *cries* She's so p-pretty!

Me: Each and every time I'm more convinced I just have a thing for Support Cookies *avoids looking at Eclair Cookie*

...

Gacha: *shows I'm getting an Ancient Cookie, again*

Me: Woah, it hasn't even been a week? I do need with my defense and attack *avoiding looking at Eclair Cookie* so if I get Hollyberry Cookie or Dark Cacao Cookie-

Gacha: *gives me Pure Vanilla Cookie, again*

Me: ... Promoting him is good, too.

...

Me: I got Herb Cookie and I was hoping to max him so I could have a Healing Cookie in the side, but now I already have Pure Vanilla Cookie, so...

...

Me: Okay, I'm seriously running out of ideas. Pure Vanilla Cookie is good, really, like a buffed version of Custard Cookie III, but my main DPS is somehow Cotton Cookie and there's no way I'm winning stages like this, I also need a Cookie to position in the middle. I have to step up my game!

Eclair Cookie: *4 times promoted* *meta* *middle*

Me: Fine, I'm gonna max you or whatever.

Me:

Me: First I'm maxing Caramel Arrow Cookie, though.

...

Me: Oh, this new update makes it so we can save our layouts.

Me, seeing my kingdom's layout: *cries*

...

Me: So Affogato Cookie now appears in Bonds, huh...

Me: *screeching* Should I just read it?! It's gonna take forever before I reach the Dark Cacao Kingdom! But it'll feel weird without the main story context, right?! But I want more content other than my headcanons! Aaargh!!

...

Me, after pulling 30 times at Cherry Blossom Cookie's banner and not getting her: Why won't you come home?! Everybody else would've at this point! *avoids looking at Frost Queen Cookie and Dark Cacao Cookie*

...

Me: What would happen to my Cookies if I cover all the floor in water?

...

Me: Now that I finally got all Epic Cookies *avoids looking at Cherry Blossom Cookie*, only the Ancient (minus Pure Vanilla Cookie) and Legendary Cookies are left!

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haleigh-sloth · 3 years

Note

So I know FMA and Black Butler are manga women have written... what other ones are there? In your recent post I saw you have another favourite manga made by women excluding FMA, what is it?

I personally enjoy reading female authors depending on the story. Of course I can’t speak for them all, but I notice they don’t over-sexualize characters, even the men in their stories. Not saying it’s all male authors who do this, but they seem to over-sexualize characters more in their stories then women? What always gets me is when men say they don’t know how to write women but yet some women do it so easily... I feel men overthink it. We are opposite genders, not an alien species 👽 Like, just write a character and just label it a women?

Gonna answer all of these together.

First anon-yeah, idk dude like just create a human being and make them a woman. I’m not a writer tbh so I can’t say much more than that—but that seems pretty simple enough. I’m gandering that he just has no interest in incorporating female characters into his story unless it’s to draw them super sexualized in a very detailed way—because he sure as hell puts a lot of detail into it when he does this 🙄🙄🙄 I haven’t really made much commentary on this issue of his because it’s just...A Thing™️ that happens in manga and it is definitely NOT okay, and if we all really wanted go into it-our conversation could last for days about women in general being over sexualized in manga, and also just not being written into the story properly or utilized as an actual character—BNHA is absolutely not the only manga with this issue. I’m not excusing Horikoshi by any means but I’m just almost desensitized to it at this point. Isn’t that sad? Anyway.

So FMA is written by Hiromu Arakawa. Surprise surprise—FMA is one of the greatest stories of all time—in art, story telling, characters, and most importantly (to me) the ending is fuckin STELLAR. I say it a lot—top tier ending. I really hope we get one like that for BNHA.

In that particular post I mentioned my two fav manga of all time but I’ll list a couple more because they’re also written by women—but they’re Shojo so they may not be up you guys’ alley.

Fullmetal Alchemist is my top favorite manga of all time. I read that story in middle school—I didn’t leave my couch for three days and I was up all hours of the night because I couldn’t put my laptop down. And the anime FMAB is amazing also. At least once a year I get in a mood where I need familiarity and I just rewatch FMAB from beginning to end and I fall into the rabbit hole again for several months lol. It just has a very special place in my heart and it will never be replaced. This last panel reduced my 12 year old little to tears.

My second favorite of all time may end up getting replaced by BNHA depending on how it ends—but as of right now it’s still D. Gray-Man. D. Gray-Man is written by Katsura Hoshino (who I recently found out has the same birthday as me 🤭)

D. Gray-Man is still ongoing and it’s coming out on a quarterly basis due to the mangaka’s carpal tunnel. I started this one in high school it was my hyperfixation pretty much all throughout—but due to her health the chapters started slowing down and then eventually went on a very long hiatus. But now they’re coming out regularly—just sparingly. But D. Gray-Man is a very VERY good story—like breathtakingly so. It’s been ongoing since 2004. Almost 20 years and I’m still following it—and I’m gonna see it through til the end even though I’ll probably be like 30 lol. Possibly older. I recommend it but just know the chapters are currently coming out slowly. But Hoshino’s are is just—

Her artistic talent is unreal. Her coloring style HEAVILY influenced mine. The coloring style is very present in my current drawings. And Arakawa’s drawing style influenced mine as well.

I have a very very deep love for both of these stories. You have no idea.

Ahhh two more manga that were written by women but also are shojo so it’s not quite the same:

Fruits Basket and Ouran High School Host Club

Fruits Basket is good—I’d recommend it highly. They also are about to finish the anime remake that I’ve been wanting for over a decade. Written by Natsuki Takaya

OHSHC is definitely not for everybody. It’s very slice of life kind of? It’s a love story. The most interesting part about it are the two main characters—the love interests. Everything else about it is just fun light hearted stuff—no high stakes or anything. There is a climactic moment but it’s not life or death or anything lol. I recommend this if you’re just bored and need a fun read. I re-read it like once a year also because sometimes I just want a good love story—and this one is it. So is Fruits Basket. OHSHC is written by Bisco Hatori.

Also—thank you for reminding me that I need to get into black butler. I watched it but I always prefer the manga so I need to get into that one. Also another story by Hiromu Arakawa is Silver Spoon. I watched the anime and it was good so I’m gonna read it to get the full story. It’s not high stakes either so it’s more of a breather story but it was still enough for me to binge watch the anime. So yeah—those are my two favs of all time—written by ladies. Thanks for letting me ramble about my favorite things guys!

#anonymous #d gray man #DGM #katsura hoshino #fruits basket #furuba #ouran high school host club #manga #recommendation #personal #fma #hiromu arakawa #full metal alchemist

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emerald-amidst-gold · 3 years

Text

Writing Tag Game

Thank you so much for the tag @noire-pandora! <3

Time to show people just how much of a baby I am in the fanfic world~! >:3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

A total of ten! Mainly because I lump drabbles together for easy access!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

....273502 words so far. :3 I like words. Words are good. Words are friends.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Emerald Eyes Amidst Golden Vows (the very first rendition!) - 48 kudos

Emerald Eyes Amidst Golden Vows - Bound Brighter - 24 kudos

A Dragon’s Hope - 15 kudos

Dragon Drabbles - 13 kudos

Poetry of Wolves - 11 kudos

(Honestly, the progression of style change in each of these fics is terrifying to me. I look back on the last one, and I’m like, ‘Oh my god.’ X’D)

4. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do, on occasion, respond! Though I may use a lot of words while writing, when it comes to communication? I suck. XD But, I do get extremely, extremely excited whenever I see a comment in my inbox, and I do go back and re-read them when I’m feeling down about my writing! I usually respond when a person asks questions, but I try to read them as rhetoric since I don’t want to spoil too much! X3 So, to everyone who has left me comments on my fics: THANK YOU. I do really appreciate and adore them. :3

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Many of my short fics (those ranging from one to two chapters) all end relatively happy. I like angst, but I also enjoy making characters that are usually somber and stressed a little lighter. :3 If we want to get technical, then the first several chapters of my main fic all have rather angsty endings because the beginning of Fane’s journey is...heh. It’s not easy, and it’s not supposed to be.

Although, now that I look, a very old fic of mine called ‘A Dragon’s Guilt’ has a rather angsty ending. Basically, Solas’ frescoes in the rotunda send Fane into a momentary spiral, and it was me playing with Adamant possibilities before he was ‘set in stone’. Panic attacks and mixed memories galore! :D

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

*rifes through my fics* Uhhhh... All of them? :3 Okay, okay! No, if I had to choose it would have to be...one of the short stories in ‘Dragon Drabbles’. It’s a four part story (and my first hand at smut >:3) that’s titled ‘Existence is Not a Sin’. It starts off angsty, but by the end it’s so sweet, so sickeningly sweet that I’m like, “...How did I write this?” X’D ...I’m actually thinking of re-writing a lot of my previous fics just to see if I’ve improved with writing! :D

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I do not write crossovers, but I’m open to the idea! Sadly, my brain hyperfixates on one thing at time, so my imagination is limited. X’D

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I haven’t, and I’m very grateful that I haven’t. To be honest, when I started writing and posting, I expected to get hate (prepare for the worst, you know?) because I was doing something that wasn’t really the ‘norm’ for a lot of people. After all, people are entitled to their own interpretations and mine some times don’t link up with someone else’s. I understand that, and I respect that, but some people...don’t offer the same courtesy. All I’ll say is, if you don’t enjoy my content, don’t read it. We’re all adults, so shrug your shoulders, say, “Not for me”, and move on. Just know that if you do leave a hate comment, you will receive no reply, no fuel. So, don’t waste your time and don’t waste mine. Simple as that. I’m here to share and make people smile, not argue. :3

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I have. Once, and I for the life of me can’t figure out how to do it again. X’D I’m very into soft intimacy; gestures and actions that speak a thousand words. Close positions (missionary, straddling, etc.) and a lot of eye contact with some healthy crying in the mix. *winks* I’m kind of inching towards a theme of ‘body worship’ when it comes to Fane and Solas because those two.. *sighs* They really need to shown that they are beautiful people; inside and out.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I have not. Thank God. XD All I’ll say is this though, you steal my fic, my son and claim them as your own? *gets close to the screen* I will track you down and demand a talk. Don’t steal other’s hard work. Don’t. Writing is not easy, and it takes weeks, months, years for authors to pump out their inspiration, so don’t steal that labor just because you want to say you could. Same goes for drawings and pieces of art. Don’t.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I haven’t! English is my first language, but I understand some French! :D

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I haven’t, but the idea is intriguing to me sometimes! I’m just a tad unreliable due to how my mood ebbs and flows. I have very long dry spells. X’D

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Solavellan! >:D While I write solely M!Lavellan/Solas, I do support all genders and orientations for the ship! Because I didn’t get into the ship because of what I saw, it’s what it meant to me.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

*side eyes my main fic* LISTEN. It’s coming! I swear. I’m just having intense writer’s block with my main fic, and I’m not sure why. That’s why I’ve been messing with prompts and drabbles. X’D There’s also my modernAU, too.. *sweats* TIIIIIME! WHERE ARE YOU?!

What are your writing strengths?

Describing emotions. I like emotions. Emotions are nice. :3

What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue. Mainly because Fane...doesn’t speak much at the beginning of his journey. He’s very curt, short, so I have hard time incorporating other’s reactions to him. I’m getting better though, I think! :D

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’m for it! Sometimes that little splash of altering dialect can draw someone in and establish a connection! Language connects us, and it’s never too late to try and learn so as to reach out to another! :D

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Dragon Age, my beloved~

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

A short story of mine called ‘Blood in the Snow’. It was one of my very first fics and it was the first time I was like, ‘This Lavellan is my muse. I can do so much with him.’ It was just so fun to write a vulnerable moment for Fane, but still keep him locked up. ...It was also where I went, ‘Oh. This is Solavellan Hell. I wasn’t meant to go there, but I DID.’ X’D

Tagging: @oxygenforthewicked @little-lightning-lavellan @dreadfutures @the-dreadful-canine @rosella-writes @aymayzing @drag-on-age @varric-tethras-editor and anyone else that’d like to play! (no pressure, of course! <3)

#did i get a little harsh with a few of the questions? perhaps~ >:3 #art theft and hate comments are touchy subjects for me XD #art can be critiqued but it has to be productive or at least civilly worded #don't come at someone just to make them feel like shit #and shall i say; i've only been writing fanfic for a year #A YEAR #not even actually #*looks back* ...#my first fic was in december of last year so yeah. not even a year yet #*laughs nervously*#tagged #about me

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sepublic · 3 years

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Happy Birthday to The Owl House!

Honestly, I’m… REALLY shocked to think back on how it’s been a year? It’s been a full, actual year, since that first episode?

I remember when The Owl House was first announced around early 2018. Something about it, the premise, the characters from that one poster we got; It really drew me in, and I kept track of the show’s progress in eager anticipation. Whenever Dana released art of Luz, Eda, and King, I was ecstatic- And when the show was delayed to 2020, I was dismayed.

Then we got our teaser trailer; The opening them, the end credits, even a little sneak peek! I remember speculating a lot about Luz and all of the other new characters we were introduced to, such as Willow, Amity, and Gus- And then we got more and more trailers in the days leading up to the show. I wondered about Luz’s home back on Earth and where her family was, I listened intently to the Hooty and the Parliament music video, finding an almost melancholic, weirdly nostalgic (despite having never watched the show yet) vibe to it- Whilst also avoiding looking at the screen and seeing all of the various clips it offered, because I wanted to be surprised! It was two years of anticipation, two years of wait for this show- I’d never looked forward to a series before like this, last I can recall… So having this content FINALLY come out, seeing these characters in animation, hearing their wonderful voices! My soul was vibing, it was time, it was coming after all this time…!

Eventually I finished Infinity Train Book 2, the same day that The Owl House premiered… I was blindsided when I woke up to the first episode’s release online, in full- I was already planning to wait until later to watch it on television, so having it permanently accessible from the internet was such a pleasant surprise! And the show… The show, man- That premiere caught me off-guard with how much I enjoyed it! I knew I was looking forward to this show, but still…! It blew away my expectations, and even now, has continued to; It was like my personal investment and attention had paid off so patiently well! I even got a DisneyNOW subscription so I could watch each new episode ASAP, the day it premiered, hours before it aired on television!

I remember scouring Tumblr before the show officially premiered, and there was understandably very little- A few pieces of fanart here or there. And when the show DID premiere, for a while there wasn’t really much of a fandom- There was barely anyone, in fact! But I can remember a few notable blogs who have been around since the beginning… Me, I got invested into this show. I found myself really enjoying Lumity as a ship, especially since I resonated with both characters in it; Luz was such a ball of sunshine that brightened my day, and Amity really spoke to me with her more introverted, top-scoring personality. When the show hit its mid-season hiatus, I remember not handling it too well, as I got impatient and frantic in my speculations- I wanted so badly to learn more about these characters, see what happened- Get a look at Emperor Belos (then known as Bellows by the fandom), etc.

I wrote my Bile Coven piece in preparation for Halloween, even got to know a mutual or two over shared theorizing! I kept track of Dana’s updates, and even had people come to my blog, of all places, to send asks! It was and still has been such an engaging part of fandom for me… I recall impatiently waiting for the Owl Pellet shorts and freaking out over them- And when Adventures in the Elements leaked early? I LOST MY MIND, I remember postponing something I was supposed to go to, just so I could watch the episode- And it was so good! Then I started wondering and hoping the rest of Season 1 would come out, and well- It took a while…

And when Season 1B’s trailer came out, I was all over it; Scouring every possible frame, freaking out over the Grom screenshot, and appreciating the influx of new fans! It was amazing to watch The Owl House go from a relatively minor and obscure fandom, to becoming so much more mainstream and populous! I got into Rebecca Rose’s channel, I began writing more meta and posts about the show, as well as little recaps for each new episode. I feel like my blog really took off from here, as I got to interact with more and more people who shared this mutual love of The Owl House, and I was so ecstatic to see more content and buzz about it!

My mind was solely focused on The Owl House, it was one of my huge hyperfixations, even moreso than during Season 1A’s run- I remember being anxious about Enchanting Grom Fright, wondering if we’d get queerbaited… But NO, Amity was in love with Luz! She canonically had a crush on her, a girl in love with another girl- And I loved it because Lumity was a special comfort ship of mine! Then Amity was confirmed lesbian… It was amazing! And I found myself SO invested, so inspired by the show and its characters, and all of the little allusions to things, the foreshadowing, the moments here or there that made so much more sense after a new episode.

This show inspired me creatively- It got me to write some of my personal favorite fanfics, and I was and still am so touched by whatever feedback I get from them! The Owl House really got me to write, to obsess over characters and analyze them, to look at motifs, to think about worldbuilding… It’s been such an artistically enriching experience, both the show and the fandom! I remember despairing so terribly when Agony of a Witch came out, the genuine betrayal I had when Lilith revealed the truth- Because I’d been legitimately endeared to her character beforehand, even formed a sort of ‘trust’ in a sense… And like many others, I agonizingly anticipated the season finale, the much-needed emotional reconciliation!

I remember how the episode titles were revealed, bit by bit, and how I and others speculated on what they’d spell out! I remember when the fandom obsessed over the Witch’s Apprentice game and its relics, for clues and new lore after each episode, the little hints here or there! I was freaked out by characters like Belos, who lived up to my hopes and expectations- First being alluded to by name, then his amazing appearance… And then his voice and mannerisms and everything about him! And when the Season Finale came out…

Well, there was relief. But there was a bittersweet emptiness- That it was over! The first season was over! There was a celebratory triumph, of course- We finally wrapped up the first, major arc of the show, the first batch of episodes that had been worked upon, the whole thing now unveiled and appreciated! But I was a little dismayed because a part of me KNEW a hiatus much longer than the previous one was ahead of me, and I did not handle the mid-season hiatus well. Of course, then Dana had her Reddit AMA, and the charity livestream; Both of which NOURISHED me creatively, and have helped to fill out the wait! To carry out my momentum, to not flounder about in hiatus; I invested myself into more meta, into various posts, etc. I read fanfiction that genuinely floored me, obsessed over fanart, etc.

I supported the show’s release on Disney Plus, ecstatic to get this kind of ready access. I revisited past episodes and characters, looking at them in a new light, appreciating things; Like Luz’s relationship with fantasy… King’s surprising development, all of Eda’s little hints and clues. There’s been an emotional catharsis with these characters for me- And I genuinely feel like I’ve been a lot happier lately because of this show! I’ve met so many other blogs and gotten to know them, seen their ideas and displayed mine as we appreciated one another… I even remember doing another blog’s fanart prompt prior to the show’s release, in preparation!

I feel like The Owl House has genuinely given me a new appreciation for meta, for fandom and analysis… For headcanons, for writing my own stories and contributing my own ideas and speculations, etc.! It’s contributed SO much joy to me as a hyperfixation, and rapidly risen through my blog as my most frequent tag! And even as I explore other fandoms and hyperfixations, both then and now, especially to pass on this crippling hiatus… This show holds a VERY special place in my heart for me. It’s really made me feel for these characters, the love and sadness, the excitement and sense of comfort… Its love and emotions, angst and found family, lore and speculation, it hits so hard to me in a way that other media hasn’t!

It’s provided representation- Such as canonically queer characters, or protagonists who speak so well to the neurodivergent experience for many people! I’ve had delight in seeing people suggest Amity as autistic, when before Season 1B, I lowkey headcanoned and saw her as such- So seeing more evidence for this resonated deeply in my heart! I remember all of the discussion about King as a character, the confusion and talk about whether or not he WAS a King of Demons, when that first announcement in 2018 had made a similar claim… I looked forward to Eda and Lilith’s relationship, speculated on who cursed Eda, and remembered when I’d considered the Blights as a potential culprit! I remember thinking about Hooty, wondering what his deal is- And thinking then and now about that Owl Deity mural in the Owl House! Watching Luz’s development as a character and as a witch, seeing her become more proficient with magic until it finally pays off with her squaring up against Belos, and wounding him- I’d never felt so proud of a character and their progress before!

There’s still so many more questions and mystery, lore… as well as just genuine character interactions, to look forward to! I think The Owl House is one of my favorite shows of all time… It’s deeply touched me as a person and creator, and I genuinely strive to create something even close to this one day. This show has inspired me, made me laugh and cry, compelled me to creatively make content; It’s introduced me to a wider fandom that I genuinely feel like a part of, had me meet other mutuals… It really is something special to me. And while I am eager for Season 2, I also want to appreciate what Dana Terrace and her crew have already established. I love this show’s art style and animation, the designs and overall weirdness of its characters- I love speculating and thinking about them, getting more and more details, and so forth.

If it’s for a better product, I’m fine waiting for Season 2. And honestly, I love what we already have, and I’ve done a lot with so many people. I’ve even looked over supplementary materials and stuff posted by the crew or news articles, in my need for content… And I love every bit of update, art, and/or acknowledgement of the show’s hiatus, and Season 2’s development! There’s so much to look forward to… And there’s so much that I’ve enjoyed, after plenty of anticipation!

Thank you @danaterrace, and everyone who worked on this- For everything. It really is crazy to reflect on this entire year, to realize it’s been a full year since that first episode, since that first premiere that lit up my world like Luz’s light spells; And it feels like such a milestone that we’ve reached! I look forward to what comes next, and I also intend to keep appreciating and cherishing what we’ve already gotten. Here’s to this show’s second year, people- It’s been such a journey to look back on and remember each step, each phase, each particular moment and stage… And I can only imagine what will come next! This show has SUCH a special place in my heart, and has made me feel in so many ways I haven’t before!

Happy Birthday, The Owl House! You’ve earned it!

#the owl house #toh #owl house #the owl house luz #luz noceda #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #the owl house king #lumity #happy birthday #dana terrace #ramblings #nostalgia #meta

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cross-d-a · 3 years

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fic tag game

aaahhh @vishcount thank you for tagging me!!! These are so fun and I adored reading about your fic journey~! ೖ(⑅σ̑ᴗσ̑)ೖ ❤

OH as a note!! For the ppl I tag at the end I don’t expect you to read all of this bc it’s A Lot!!! but I figured you might want to do this game yourself? haha :)

Name: cross-d-a shortened version of my first ever username. unfortunately stuck with it now haha but i’m fond of it :p wish it was cuter tho!!

Posting the rest of this under the cut so it doesn’t eat up people’s dashes!!

(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Fandoms:

oKAY YIKES there are....honestly too many too name. I’ve got a short and obsessive attention span so it’s either all or nothing with me usually. When I can stay in a fandom for a long period of time it’s a miracle. I’ll name the bigger ones that I’ve all written fic for! Even if I’ve never posted them haha

Right now I’m very firmly into Daomu Biji (dmbj). It feels like it’s both got a crap ton of content and yet barely anything at all haha. Maybe because the English fandom is so small. But at least there are a bunch of dramas and books!!! I really, really, really adore dmbj so much!! And a large part of that is the fandom!!! It's been a really cool and unique experience! Everyone in it is truly so kind and wonderful, and I’ve made some really incredible friends because of it (looking at you vish!! ❤). I’ve got a bunch of wips, but I’ve only posted two fics for dmbj!

Before this I was very into Guardian and mdzs. MDZS was my first foray into cdramas and Guardian’s Zhu Yilong really suckered me into watching more haha I also have fics for both these fandoms!

My very first fandoms were Fullmetal Alchemist, D. Gray-Man and Naruto. My very old ffnet account has fics for these and I’ve got a bunch of newer wips on my tablet. Then Star Trek, Twilight, BBC Merlin, Sherlock, Death Note, Harry Potter, How to Train Your Dragon, Battlestar Galactica, Avatar the Last Airbender and Marvel were a few of my main ones in high school. Plus a bunch of anime (like Fruits Basket! and Kuroshitsuji and Natsume Yuujinchou).

Then college hit and I renewed my childhood love of Tolkien (mainly lotr and the Hobbit), and Star Wars. I also found Teen Wolf! Then after college it was Stranger Things.

I find myself in a cycle of mild fondness and complete obsession with these fandoms haha I go back to Star Wars at least once a year!! Then I’m in the gffa hole for a few months. Marvel also reoccurs, depending on how interested I am in new content! Star Trek I always always always go back to. TOS is my comfort show and it will never fade from my heart ❤

But for now I’m stuck in cdrama hell and I love it

Tropes:

Time travel, found family, whump+hurt/comfort, fairytale-like elements, resurrective immortality (thanks to a “Nine Lives” Hobbit fic), CROSSOVERS

I’m a slut for all these things so they often worm their way into my plots haha

I also just- love weird premises. I think that’s the anime influencing me haha

Fic I spent most time on:

My series he leaves sand and stardust in my wake (main fic is hurricane on the edge of oblivion), I have...spent five years on now. I have done so much research for this fic it’s insane.

The premise is force ghost!Obi-Wan getting shunted back into his tiny 10 year old self. I incorporate a shit ton of legends and I try to stay as canon as possible. I basically want this au to feel like it’s 1000% plausible while still getting all my gay shit. It’s chock full of whump, redemption, found family, minor characters turning into major characters, and I’ve got slavery uprising on the mind, too. It’s just- everything I could ever want to explore in the Star Wars universe basically.

It’s my first big project. I started doodling and scribbling ideas in the margins of my notebook in my Scottish History class. I adore it so so so much. But, because of my hyperfixation and fleeting intense obsession with things it makes it- really difficult to consistently update. I leave it for months at a time and I am constantly guilt-ridden about it. Because it’s my baby and I have a lot of wonderful readers. I fear I’ll never be able to finish it. Especially since I’ve written so much and I’m still only in the beginning of it. ( ; A ; )

Also, I’ve spent so much time with Xanatos, Feemor and Bruck that they just feel like mine now. I can’t read any fics that involve them, it’s too strange. Which is a damn shame because I love them so much haha OH ALSO!! I think it’s the first really big fic to include those three?? So I’m very proud about that haha (I’ve had so many ppl comment about how they actually Give A Shit about these three and are Invested bc of me haha)

Favorite fic(s) you’ve written:

hurricane on the edge of oblivion (with nowhere to go) (Star Wars)

My long-term passion project. My love-letter to Star Wars, I suppose. Reading it now I feel like a lot of it is clunky or long-winded, but I think it really shows the foundation of my writing today :) Main characters are Obi-Wan, Xanatos Du Crion, Qui-Gon Jinn, Bruck Chun and Feemor. Eventually we’ll get to Maul, Savage, Feral, Shmi Skywalker, (more!) Ahsoka, Anakin and a shit ton of clones ❤

things we hunger for (Guardian)

My Ye Zun self-indulgent fic. It’s a time travel amnesia Weilanzun! Honestly has some of my fav writing I’ve ever done. It’s so soft and really indulges in the hurt/comfort. It gives Ye Zun the friends and family I think he deserves. Also, he gets to grow into a (mostly!) functional person and I adore him.

the beast that slumbers within your soul (mdzs)

Jiang Cheng centric fic!! I feel like all my favourite fics I’ve written are love letters haha. This is one def my love letter to Jiang Cheng. This fic possessed me for two whole days. I wrote 16k in almost one sitting. I went to sleep at 6 in the morning bc I couldn’t stop writing. And when I drifted off I kept thinking of new ideas so I’d whip out my phone and write down lines and notes. I- have never ever ever felt that way about anything. It was- insane. It felt insane. It was so amazing. I’m still riding the memory of that high.

Basically Jiang Cheng actually finds Baoshan Sanren and it turns out she’s a fox demon and Jiang Cheng is descended from wolves. It’s- okay I said the fic above this had my favourite writing?? That was a lie. This has my favourite writing I’ve ever done. It’s unfinished bc I am in dmbj hell but I am still excited about the next chapter which features Wei Wuxian’s pov!!

the whispers of spirits (dmbj)

My current passion project. In a way it kinda feels similar to hurricane? Bc multiple povs, incorporating different aspects of canon (we’ll get there!! I promise!), shit ton of research, etc. etc. I really really really love it for so many reasons. I’m basically taking all the things I was unsatisfied with in Reboot and Sha Hai and running with it. Found family and whump galore! It’s also a love letter to the women of dmbj who really deserve so so so much better.

Honourable mention to:

One Day (you’ll have given more of yourself than is meant to be taken) (Marvel)

This fic also kinda possessed me. I just- couldn’t get rid of the idea of a trans!Thor. And I mean a mtf Thor! It’s just? So many people look at Thor and go “that’s a Real Man.” Full stop. They never think there could be anything more, and it really really really bothered me. So I wrote out my feelings. I’m not trans. I don’t have that experience at all. I’ve had issues and confusion about my gender but nothing like this. I just wanted to do justice to this idea of Thor in my head. And I still feel a bit nervous having posted it. But I've gotten so many comments from people who really connected with what I’ve written? So I’m very very thankful I wrote it and it has a very special place in my heart. It’s a very cathartic fic.

Fic I spent least time on:

Probably we rise (Star Wars) and I think it shows haha. I wrote it in response to Dave Filoni posting a drawing of Ahsoka and Gandalf telling her “People thought I was dead, too, and look how that turned out...” So I incorporated Ahsoka (and Din and Grogu and Ezra!!!) into the ending of Rise of Skywalker, kinda explaining how I think they could all still be alive. :)

Longest fic:

hurricane is my longest fic (159k) but I’m kinda worried whispers will eclipse that.....

Shortest fic:

Of my posted ones it’s The Five Moments it Took Tony and Scott to Admit They Were Best Friends (and the first time they ever did), currently clocks at 1.6k. It’s unfinished tho so maybe that doesn’t count.... otherwise it’s we rise which is completed and 2k.

Most hits/kudos/comments/bookmarks:

hurricane overall has the most of all these. Though I don’t think hits counts as much bc it’s multi-chapter. If you discount multi-chapter stuff, most hits goes to my obikin smutfic Homecoming, bc people are horny af haha

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on:

If I had energy I’d like to rewrite the beginning of hurricane bc it feels so so wordy. I’d want to expand on One Day bc I really would like to write a whole series with trans!Thor. And like- I’d really like the focus to finish any of my WIPs.

Share a bit of a WIP: I really wanna share my Guardian/dmbj crossover that I started back in August. Bc I adore the idea of wu xie&shen wei&ye zun triplets! Plus time travel!!! I dunno if I’ll ever finish it tho ( ; A ; ) It just feels like a lot to deal with right now.

This scene takes place during the Mountain Awl arc. Guardian crew and desperado fam run across each other at the village! Wu Xie has recently found out that he’s adopted and he’s searching for answers in the area Sanshu originally found amnesiac!toddler!Wu Xie in :) Gonna pull two snippets bc I’m v excited and this might be the only time anyone else sees this fic haha:

“Oh?” Pangzi focuses on Yunlan now, lips twisting. “You think I’ve ‘got the wrong guy,’ huh?” He laughs, but it’s not a nice sound. “That’s rich! Are you that cocky or are you just stupid?”

Bristling, Yunlan drops his hands and scowls. “Excuse me?”

“Sir,” Shen Wei tries. “I think—”

Pangzi’s eyes snap back to Shen Wei, sharp and blazing. “How dare you fucking steal his face!”

What?

Automatically, Zhao Yunlan turns to Shen Wei, but the professor looks just as shell-shocked as Zhao Yunlan feels which- is seriously something. Since everything about Shen Wei is so carefully controlled, kept to the minimum. Except for those delightful little smiles that bloom across his lovely face, or the startled little bursts of laughter that fall from his lips. Or even when anger and frustration spark across his features, cracking his calm veneer open enough that he can see a glimmer of what lies beneath, the fire in those eyes. Zhao Yunlan delights in those moments, makes a game of making Shen Wei’s control slip.

He tells himself it’s nothing more than a game. Nothing more than trying to find out what makes Shen Wei tick.

Zhao Yunlan’s always been very bad at lying to himself. Or very good. Depending on who you’re asking.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Yunlan splutters.

But before anyone can say anything else, a very familiar voice calls:

“Pangzi? What’s wrong?”

Yunlan can feel Shen Wei stiffen, and Yunlan himself is pulled to that voice like a planet in orbit, like the inevitable plummet to the ground.

Another shadow wavers in the doorway before it steps out onto the dirt. Light illuminates shaggy hair, limning it gold, sharply casting everything else in shadow. But as the figure nears, the contrast softens until Yunlan can see the newcomer’s face properly and- and—

“Wu Xie!” Pangzi growls. “We’ve got ourselves an impostor!”

The man wearing Shen Wei’s face steps up to them, brows furrowed and mouth pulled down into a sharp frown. He glances between them, eyes landing on Shen Wei. His scowl deepens. He opens his mouth, but then—

“Wu Xie?” Shen Wei breathes, all trembly and lost and hopeless.

Heart in his throat, Yunlan turns to Shen Wei again. Turns and flinches at that stricken look upon Shen Wei’s pale pinched face.

“A-Xie?” Shen Wei chokes. “Didi?”

and

Pangzi snorts. “Professor?”

“I-it’s true!”

Startled Yunlan swings his attention over to Jiajia who clenches her backpack to her chest, face screwed up in admirable determination. “P-professor Shen took me and Xiao Quan on a field trip to investigate an archeological site around here!”

“Oh?” Wu Xie drawls all slow and amused. “Well, what a coincidence. We’re archeologists, too.”

“With guns?” Yunlan bites out.

Wu Xie raises a brow, grin full of teeth. “Well, you can never be too prepared.”

“Right,” Yunlan drawls right back. “Are you a professor, too, then? You come here with your students?”

Wu Xie outright grins. “You could say that, I suppose.”

Out of the corner of his eye, one of the men rolls his eyes. He’s the one with sharp features, glasses and looped earbuds. Does he think it’s appropriate to listen to music at a time like this? Yunlan admires the man’s gall.

aahhhh vish thanks so much again for tagging me!! This was so fun to relive my fic memories!! I’m gonna tag @alwaysaslutforshakespeare @jockvillagersonly @tehfanglyfish @lichelleme @undyingsunshine @humanlighthouse @thewindsofsong I’m curious about your guys’ writing and fandom journey!! As always, no pressure to actually complete this!! I just thought it was fun ❤

Wow if you read all of this I am very humbled and impressed, thank you!!

╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

#cross talks #my fic #fanfiction #uhhh what else do i tag this as i dunno #about me #cross posts #wip fic

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rachelbethhines · 4 years

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Tangled Salt Marathon - Keeper of the Spire

You wouldn’t know it upon first watch, but today’s story is one of the few non-filler episodes of season two.

Summary: In order to acquire the third scroll piece, Rapunzel, Eugene, Cassandra and Lance travel to the home of the Keeper of the Spire and meet Calliope who informs them the third piece is kept inside the Spire’s vault at the top of the mountain. The group begins the long journey to the Spire's vault the following day and become increasingly annoyed by Calliope’s rude, arrogant and inconsiderate behavior. Despite Calliope's treatment, Rapunzel insists they still need her help all while they being dangerously pursued by the vault's protector, the Kurlock. The group eventually reach the Spire's vault, but again encounter the Kurlock and discover Calliope is not the real Keeper of the Spire.

Once Again, ‘Destiny’ Isn’t a Goal

If you want to build up some sort of mystery with the scroll pieces and what awaits Rapunzel at the end of her quest, then that’s fine. But at some point you have to actually explain what her destiny actually is, how the scroll connects to it, and most importantly, why she needs to fulfill it.

We’re never given a reason for why Rapunzel needs to reconnect to the moonstone, nor why she couldn’t have just stayed home and did nothing. The scroll itself doesn’t tell her anything and what it leads up to has nothing to do with ‘destiny’ and ultimately comes to nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Indeed, much like the quest itself, things would have been better for everyone had she not found the scroll at all.

Meet the Best Written Character In the Show

No, I’m not exaggerating. Calliope is the only recurring character in the series not to get royally screwed over by last minute rewrites and poor pacing. In fact her arc may have actually been improved by the dumb creative decisions of season three.

Which is a problem because she’s not a main character. Her story and arc shouldn’t be more well rounded than Rapunzel’s. It’s also clear, given how the writers try to pitt her as annoying thorn in the heroes sides that is only tolerated because she’s useful, that they weren’t expecting the general audience to identify with her, and so her subsequent portrayal as the most developed character in the show is fully accidental.

We Finally Get Some Indication of Cassandra’s Age

Well first off, we probably shouldn’t be getting such information about our deuteragonist this late in the game, but also, putting Cass in her early 20s recontextualizes her arc the same way Varian being 14 recontextualizes his conflict, but in the opposite direction. A 24 year old is more accountable for their actions than a 14 year old. Always will be.

And before people try to get all pedantic on me; yes she’s only 23 here, and Varian is currently 15. What I meant is those are their ages at the start of their villain arcs, because the linear progression of time is a thing.

This Joke Actually Highlights One of the Bigger Problems of Season Two

I laughed when I first heard this joke, but that’s cause I was under the assumption that they would go on to develop a friendship between Cass and Lance as the season went on. But they don’t.

Cass never has any focus episodes that aren’t about her failing relationship with Rapunzel. She never interacts with the other four people that she’s traveling with outside of group scenes like this. Not even with Eugene, who we spent the whole previous season establishing a bond with.

This undermines Cassandra’s arc in several ways. She less well rounded and developed without other people in her life besides Rapunzel; it ignores her place in the show as the older and wiser friend if she’s so majorly co-dependent upon only person. It also ignores what was set up in season one in order to push a certain narrative later that clashes with what we the audience already know.

Plus there’s the added effect of other characters getting poor representation within the story.

So Why Didn’t the Others Come Along Again?

I understand not being able to take the caravan upto the top of the mountain, but the road was wide enough to get it up this far. Also it didn’t take you all day to get here so you could just walk back to camp.

But let's get to the real reason why the caravan was left behind. The writers wanted and excuse to get rid of Hookfoot and Shorty. Because they didn’t want to write them into the story. Because they have nothing to do with the overall plot and together they’re one too many characters to keep up with and give stuff to do to. Which begs the question of why they were ever included into the season at all.

Also why leave Adria behind? She was the one who sent them up here. She’s the one who has a vested interest in getting Rapunzel to the end of her journey. She’s the only one driving the plot at the moment, so why not have her present to do just that?

Rapunzel is a Hypocrite

There’s not a single description that Rapunzel says here that couldn’t be applied to herself.

Which would be funny if the writers ever actually acknowledged this within the series.

Having parallels simply exist on their own and not actually inform the story is bad writing. Same with character flaws; acknowledge them, use them to advance both the plot and the characters, and build off of them to establish character dynamics. This is in part why Calliope is the better written character between the two of them.

Behold, the One and Only Time Lance and Rapunzel Hold a Conversation with One Another!

Speaking of characters not getting enough focus.... It’s just a set up for a recurring gag in the episode, but this is indeed the only point in the series where Lance and Rapunzel talk, about anything.

It’s not just Cass who is prevented from establishing relationships, it’s literally everyone. All of Rapunzel’s focus episodes alternate between Cassandra, Eugene, or a random side character. Cassandra only gets focus when with Rapunzel. Eugene only gets development with either Rapunzel or on his own. Lance is only ever shown interacting with Eugene or Adria, outside of some highly specific one off instances like here. Hookfoot is left out in the cold save for three episodes and two of them double as New Dream folder.

We’ve managed to pair the cast down to only six, as opposed to a whole kingdom’s worth of characters, and yet they have less development here than they did in season one. The group does not feel like a group, and that is a problem.

How is This Meant to be Encouraging?

Ok, I get what the writers were going for here. Calliope has low self esteem. she feels useless because she’s lost her only support group, her mentor. So Rapunzel is ‘inspiring’ her to fulfill her dream of becoming the new keeper of the spire.

However, this is an incredibly bad take.

Calliope lacks self esteem because she’s lonely. Her dream of becoming the keeper is directly tied to her father figure, who up till now was the only person who gave a damn about her. She only wants to impress Rapunzel because she wants a friend and she believes that she needs to be useful in order to get that. And here is Rapunzel and the narrative reinforcing that belief under the guise of ‘achieving a dream’.

No fuck that!

You don’t need to have a ‘purpose’ to have friends.You shouldn’t have to prove yourself useful just be respected and included. Also, Rapunzel doesn’t even befriend her. She just uses Calliope to get what she wants and then avoids her for the rest of the show; only checking up on her out of obligation in season three.

So not only are we denied another female friendship in a show bereft of female relationships, but we also have a character who can be easily read as autistic by the audience needing to prove she’s useful to society in order to be accepted.

Ugh!

And yeah, I said autistic. We have a character who fails to pick up on social cues, hyperfixates upon her special interests, is rejected by society for trying to share these special interests, and she even pulls out her magic linked rings to fiddle with when stressed, which can be coded as a stim. I’m not saying that this was the writers’ intent, but nevertheless these are traits that people on the autism spectrum tend to identify with.

So how insulting is it to watch this episode and see someone you could relate to being constantly put down by the heroes behind their back and then never apologize for it, even when said character admits their own fault?

So Are We Ever Going to Get Any Background on this Spire?

So the spire is one of the few places that is plot important in the show. Yet we never find out why it exists, who built it, how it came to hold such important plot devices, nor the story behind the keepers who guard it. It’s just there, and that’s infuriating because it’s both a lack of much needed worldbuilding and lore.

Still A Better Dad than Frederic

Leaving for months on end without telling you loved ones why and where you’re going is a shitty thing to do. Doubly so if its just to teach your kids ‘a lesson’. However, The Keeper still winds up being a better parental figure than most of the other dads (besides Cap, who is awesome) in the series. That’s how low the bar has been dropped by Chris and his weird ideas on parenting.

So What Was the Lesson Here?

Ok first off, Calliope didn’t need to be reminded of anything. The Keeper says as much. She was always persistent. The only lesson that she does learn is not to lie but apparently that’s not what we’re supposed to take from this episode.

But what are we supposed to take away? Because Rapunzel doesn’t learn anything either. There’s no admittance of wrongdoing on her part and she does not change her outlook or behavior from this encounter.

Calliope at least learns to become more self assured after this episode and remains honest and true to herself once the episode is done with. Rapunzel however is the same. You can’t claim that this is ‘Rapunzel’s story’ (Chris’s words not mine) if it’s only random side characters who are allowed to grow. Which is yet another reason why the main cast of characters don't get the development and interaction that they should.

That’s also why Calliope is better written than the main character and she shouldn’t be. It’s a bewilderingly oversight of basic writing.

Conclusion

I don’t mind this episode. As I said in the beginning, it is one of the few non-filler episodes in season two. However, there’s a lot of problems with it to the point where I can’t actually call it good, just mediocre.

#tangled #anti-tangled #anti-rapunzel #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure

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moon-in-daylight · 4 years

Text

Save you (Part 1) / Dhawan!Master x reader

Summary: Traveling with The Doctor had shown you incredible things: The existence of extraterrestrial live, the possibility of time travel and the most beautiful and remote places you could have ever imagine... But being with her had also made you develop some strong values. To be kind and always help those in need. But would you be up to help The Master now that he is the one who needs to be saved?

Words: 9112

Warnings: Blood, near death situations, smut (in future chapters).

Note: Since I’m isolated at home with an hyperfixation on Dhawan!Master, I decided to write my first fanfiction in like 4 or 5 years. I thought I might share it in case someone is in the same situation as I am and has nothing better to do than reading it (please, stay at home). It’s the first time I write in awhile and English is not my first lenguage, so sorry if this sucks.

What’s written in italics are the reader’s memories.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

Gallifrey wasn’t how you had imagined it would be. At least, its current state wasn’t.

When The Doctor talked about her home planet –not that she really had lately, but she had told you about it sometime, especially when you had asked her about the Time War–, she always talked about the golden skies and the two suns shining above. It had always made you curious, to visit the place that had watched your friend grow up. But looking around you, you realized why she hadn’t brought you and the fam to visit what was left of it.

You were rushing through the ruins of what had been one of the most powerful civilizations in the universe, followed closely behind by Ko Sharmus, who had a rough time keeping up with your speed. The others had tried to stop you both from getting out of the TARDIS that The Doctor had prepared to take you home, but nothing they could say or do could have made you stay. You couldn’t leave that planet knowing that The Doctor was sacrificing herself and that you would never be able to see her again. You would never be able to forgive yourself if you did nothing about it, if you just stood aside. That wasn’t you.

“You may have made me but I have destroyed you…” As you got closer to the Matrix, you could hear The Master’s voice getting louder. You tried to follow that sound “Become death, become…” Breathless, you stood in the room, every ‘Cybermaster’ pointing their weapons at you while The Master focused his attention on your being before finishing what he was saying. “Me…”

Interlocking your stare with his sent a shiver down your spine. You hadn’t seen him in a few months, you never thought you would again after your last encounter, when the Kaasavin took him away. But there he was, right in front of you in the planet he had threated to pieces. Looking at him now, it was almost impossible to believe that he was the same person that had introduced himself as O so long ago.

The Doctor, seeing her childhood friend’s reaction, turned to see you. “Y/N! You shouldn’t be here!” She reprimanded as you looked behind you in search for Ko Sharmus, who you supposed must had gotten lost. “You can’t still be here I set the controls!”

“I followed you outside, I couldn’t let you do this on your own!” You quickly responded as you watched The Master approaching you, a slight smirk forming on his face. You didn’t have to be genius to judge by his reaction that he was scheming something.

“I believe we agreed on no party crashers.” Grabbing you by your arm and dragging you to the center of the room with him, he laughed. “But this might be interesting.” His eyes looked at you and then at The Doctor as he tightened his grip on you. “Will you be able to sacrifice your loyal, little pet, Doctor?”

The Doctor’s eyes looked at you in despair. One thing was sacrificing herself and the apocalyptic remains of her planet for the well–being of the universe, but you being in the middle of it made things infinitely harder.

“Just do it, Doc.” You tried to encourage her as she held the bomb in her hands, pointing it to the Master. “It’s okay, I chose to stand by you.” Looking at you in the eye, The Doctor lowered her arm, putting her finger away from the detonator of the weapon that would end all organic life on her home planet.

“For just a moment there I thought maybe…” The Master looked away from his oldest enemy, frustrated at the turn of events. He sighed loudly before speaking again, now talking to you. “She’s weak.” He informed you, leaning over to your ear. “And the universe and you both are going to suffer for her weakness. I can promise you that.”

You gave an apologetic look at your friend, still hoping that she found the courage enough to press the button and end this madness once and for all.

“Not if I have anything to do with it.” Ko Sharmus finally intervened, getting in the room as well and walking towards The Doctor.

“Excuse me, are there going to be any more surprises?” The Master asked rhetorically into your ear, his heavy breathing hitting the skin on your neck and making you feel quite unsettled.

“Why won’t anyone listen to me?!” The Doctor questioned in frustration. “I told you all to leave!”

“I wanted to make sure these things are gone. And now I can be.”

“No!” The old man tried to grab the device that The Doctor still had in between her hands, even though he tried to persuade him out of his intentions.

“You didn’t start this, I did!” Ko Sharmus began to explain to The Doctor how he was part of the team that had tried to get rid of the Cyberium by sending it back though time, getting the calculus wrong and not sending it far enough. You swallowed the lump in your throat when you realized he wanted to take The Doctor’s place. “This is my penance. Mine to finish…”

You unconsciously sighed in relief as you watched The Doctor give the bomb back to his owner, glad to know that, at least, she got the chance to get out of there. You, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be that lucky. The Master was still holding you close to him, with no intention of letting you go.

“It isn’t going to be that easy, Doctor.” The Master intervened, rage filling his tone once again. “I still have her, and she’s not going anywhere. I die and she dies with me.” He stated, as serious as you had ever heard him. He had nothing left to lose.

“You can have me.” The Doctor was quick to say, trying to find a way for you to get out of this one. “This is between you and me, let her go and I’ll take her place.”

“Tempting, but I think I’ll pass. You can still stay and die by her side if you want to.” He laughed again. You took a deep breathe, trying to find the right words to say.

“Just go, Doctor.” You told her, no trace of hesitation in your voice. “This was my choice. I was the one who ran away from the TARDIS when you told me not to. Don’t blame yourself, it’s my fault.”

“Look at that, isn’t it moving?” The Master mocked you both. “She’s dying because of you and she doesn’t even blame you for it, Doctor. I don’t know if that’s sad or pathetic.”

“Don’t listen to him! Just run!” You tried to convince her to do as you said. “Yaz, Graham and Ryan still need you! The universe still needs you!” Tears began to form in your friend’s eyes

“I’m so, so sorry, Y/N.” She told you sincerely before running off.

“Doctor!” The Master shouted in frustration, his grip around you getting even tighter than before, making you squirm a little.

“Still feeling confident?” Ko Sharmus asked the remaining Time Lord in the room, getting ready to push the button and end it all.

The Master looked at the human in front of him defiantly, furious because his plan had been turned apart once again. You took a deep breath as you did your best to accept your final destiny.

There are always risks when travelling with The Doctor, you weren’t the first one to face the consequences. And you weren’t oblivious to them when you first stood a foot in the TARDIS. Death is always imminent when you live that kind of life, it had been several times that you had found yourself in deathly situations. Luckily, you had escaped from them all except for, of course, this one. Yet, you were copping surprisingly good with it. There wasn’t much left for you on earth anyway, you thought, and you had live a deeply intense and remarkable life. The things you had seen, the places you had been… You wished you had time to achieve more things, but maybe it was time. Maybe this was how it was meant to be.

“Kill him.” The sound of The Master giving the order to his army got you out of your own thoughts.

“Kill you first.” The old man threatened as dozens of lasers were shot against him.

Watching your ally struggle to keep himself from falling to the ground and taking advantage of The Master’s distraction, you set yourself free from his grip. You needed to be quick to grab the bomb from Ko Sharmus's hands as he fell dead to the floor. He had failed to complete the task again, and you couldn’t let the Time Lord and his monstrous creation get out of the planet. It would be the first, and most certainly last time that you kill someone, but you owed it to The Doctor. One final sacrifice to save your beloved universe. It needed to be done, even though you didn’t want to.

Just when you were about to grab the device from the old man’s apparently dead body, you realized your mistake. Ko Sharmus was still alive and his finger was barely a second away from making disappear all life from Gallifrey. In what you thought were your last moments, you turned to see The Master’s reaction, seeing him manipulating a watch–like device that was on his wrist. Just in time before the bomb detonated, he grabbed your arm, teleporting you both away from that room.

Out of nowhere, you found yourself inside of O’s house. Well, it wasn't really a house, and O didn't exist. You already knew that it was in fact The Master's TARDIS, but it was still hard to process. It took a moment for you to realize that you were in fact alive while the Master ran to the console and began to introduce some coordinates.

“We’re still on Gallifrey.” He clarified as he rushed himself to get his ship out of there. You weren’t really sure if he was talking to you or to himself. “There’s only a few seconds left before the expansive wave gets here.”

You watched him in confusion, still trying to figure out what had just happened. You were supposed to be dead. Not that you weren’t glad not to be. But out of all people, The Master was the last one you imagined would get you out of that situation. He was the one to put you in danger in the first place. What sense did it made?

Standing there, you watched in shock as he successfully got his ship into the time vortex. Once you were certain that you were out of danger, you decided to open your mouth again. “Why did you do that?” You asked him, a deep feeling of confusion taking over you.

“Do what?” The Master asked you back as he tried to decide when and where to go.

“You saved me.” Your voice was low as you did your best for both of you to remain calmed. The last thing you needed after escaping a certain death was to get yourself killed by an angry alien psychopath.

“I didn’t save you.” He was quick to correct you in his usual, cynic tone. “I saved myself and you just happened to be there. Do I look like a dog walker or something? I don’t take care of other people’s pets.”

You stayed silent as he worked. He wasn’t exactly easy to talk to, and you didn’t want to push him with noisy questions. Instead, you decided to celebrate the fact that you were alive by sitting on a chair and taking the deep breath that you had been holding for the last several hours. You weren’t completely out of danger, you were still in The Master’s ship. But for some reason he had decided you were more valuable alive than dead, you only hoped he wouldn’t suddenly change his mind.

Still trying to process everything that had happened in the last minutes, you realized The Doctor didn’t have a clue that you were still alive. You needed to get back to her, but that seemed a bit difficult at the moment. Eyeing The Master and seeing that he was busy controlling his ship, you reached for your phone only to find that the screen was shattered and that it didn’t even turn on. It must had had broke when you fell while running from the Cybermen earlier. Now it was useless. Wasn’t that just perfect?

There was no way to reach any of your friends and inform them of your situation, so you supposed you should focus on getting out of there as soon as possible and find your way back to them. The only problem was that you had no idea of where or when The Master was taking you.

“Why am I still inside your TARDIS?” Deep in thought, you asked in a low tone. Unluckily, not low enough so that he could’t hear you.

“You can throw yourself into the time vortex for all I care” He replied bitterly. Well, even more bitterly than usual. “Just make sure to close the door behind you.”

You weren’t really sure of how travelling in time worked, but you were pretty sure that wouldn’t survive if you just jumped out of the ship now, so you supposed you were stuck there. After a few silent minutes in which you tried to figure the situation out, you decided to dig a bit more into his intentions. He had had several opportunities to kill you, so if you were still alive was because for some reason he intended on keeping in that way.

Your eyes were glued to him as he read the screen in front of him. “Why did you take me out of Gallifrey?” You finally inquired again, your voice more confident than before.

“Would you have rather staying there?” The Master took a few seconds before answering your question, doing his best to keep himself calmed.

“I’m just trying to understand why I’m still alive. That’s all.”

The Master turned to you, his eyes furious as he quickly walked towards you and grabbed you by the throat. You gasped for air as he got you up from the chair, his face a few inches away from yours. “If that causes you any problem…” He stopped before he could finish the sentence, his eyes closing as he let out a groan from pain. As you observed him closely, you realized that his skin was extremely pale and that there was some cold sweat forming on his forehead. His grip on you was also weaker than you had expected it would be. “…I can fix that.”

His gaze was upon you for a few more seconds before letting you go. You coughed a few times as you tried to regain your composure. Don’t mess around with the sociopath alien, lesson learned. The Master walked back to the console and tried to get back to work, but you could see how tired he was.

“Are you feeling okay?” The Master could sense the worried tone in your voice. He didn’t even look back at you, ignoring you completely as he pulled a lever.

In a matter of seconds the ship had successfully landed, even though you had barely noticed it. The Master was a better pilot, his manoeuvres way smoother than The Doctor’s. You had to admit him that.

“Where are we?” You asked in fear of whatever you could find at the other side of the door. Probably it was best not to know, just by picturing all the kind of sick, doomed places his twisted mind could have chosen to take you to.

Almost as if you weren’t there, he kept messing around with the controls of the TARDIS. “Why don’t you go out there and figure it out instead of making stupid questions?” He spat, once again giving you the less possible amount of attention.

That wasn’t really encouraging, to say the least. But you had to admit curiosity was too much to bear. You had tons of questions and an answer waiting for you at the other side of the TARDIS’s doors. Was it worth to take risk? You took risks every day just by travelling with The Doctor, but you could feel the chances of getting into trouble multiply just by having the company of The Master instead. Taking a deep breath, you carefully walked to the front door. Your hand rested on it for a few seconds before you finally open it up to reveal your surroundings.

Surprise took over you when you recognized the place where the ship had landed. You had been there before, some time ago. The Master had landed in Australia, where he was when you first had met him as he was pretending to be O, an agent from MI6.

The Doctor’s voice could be heard even from outside of her console room as she rambled about something you didn’t quite understand. It wasn’t unusual to find her talking to herself, so you weren’t bothered by it until you entered into the room and heard another voice replying to her.

You hesitated for a few seconds before getting closer to where she was standing, realizing she was on a video call with someone.

“Y/N, hey!” She greeted you when she noticed your presence, turning to you with a wide smile spread on her face. “Come here, I want to introduce you to someone.”

“I thought you were rambling on your own again.” You laughed as you walked towards your friend, placing yourself next to her in front of the screen. “Who are you talking to?”

“Y/N, this is my friend from MI6, O” The Doctor introduced you as you gave the man a polite smile and a little wave.

“Nice finally meeting you.” He waved back as you observed him. He was a fairly good looking man with big dark eyes. “The Doctor talks so much about you.”

“Does she now?” You laughed, trying to hide your embarrassment. “I’m not really interesting, especially comparing myself to her. Hope she doesn’t bore you much.”

“No, I have a great time hearing about your adventures.” O smiled as he gave you a reassuring look. “According to what The Doctor says you have saved her more than once.”

You grinned nervously as you placed a piece of hair behind your ear. “Well, I should leave you two to keep catching up. Didn’t mean to interrupt you.” You shrugged, feeling bad for crashing their conversation.

“Oh, don’t worry.” The agent told you. “We were already saying goodbye.”

“Yeah, O is working on a case at the moment.” The Doctor clarified. “See you around!” She happily put an end to the call. It was only you and her in the TARDIS now.

“So…” You sighed, thinking of the best way to ask what was on your mind without looking suspicious. You had liked him, but first you wanted to know if there was anything going on between the two of them. “What is the deal with this O? How did you two meet?”

“We met some years back.” Your alien friend explained as she wandered around the console room. “He really is into studying every alien thing that crosses his path.”

“Why isn’t he travelling with us then?” The Doctor turned to you as you asked. You had never heard her talking about O before, so maybe there was a reason why she didn’t want him in the TARDIS. “He seems like a nice guy, he would enjoy this kind of life.”

“He does an extremely important job on earth.” She clarified. Both Torchwood and Unit were now gone, so knowing that there was still O left working for MI6 made her feel more secure. If any alien being attacked Earth while she was away, he would still be there to try and stop them. “Maybe some day we can take him on an adventure. Now, how about we go get the rest of the fam and go somewhere?”

You smiled at her while you nodded your head, still thinking about O. There was no denying you had taking a like on him, even though the Doctor was too much of a dork to notice. It wasn’t nothing serious, just a dumb crush, but you were hoping on seeing him again sometime. Preferably in person next time.

“Have you ever been to Barcelona?” The Doctor got you out of your thoughts. “Not the city Barcelona, the planet Barcelona. Do you fancy a trip there?”

The sun was setting just now. If you started walking, you would get to the closest population in a couple of hours. Luckily, you could get into a plane in the morning and be back to London by the end of the next day. You were free to go home, to go back to your fam. But since The Master was the one that had taken you back to Earth, you supposed things weren’t as simple as they seemed. There had to be a trick. There’s always a trick with him. He wouldn’t make it that easy, would he?

After taking a moment to admire the beauty of your own planet, you decided to head back inside of the TARDIS. Probably The Master would dismiss every single one of your questions, just like he had been doing, but you couldn’t leave without trying one last time. You would always be wondering why he had helped you if you left now. Curiosity was going to be the death of you.

Confusion stricken you again when you didn’t see The Master around the console. You were beginning to think that he was setting you a trap when you spotted him lying on the floor, passed out.

“Master!” You kneeled beside him, shaking his body slightly in an attempt to wake him up.

Nothing you did made him move a muscle. Worried, you placed a hand on his forehead just to find that his skin was practically burning. His breathing and heartbeats were also way slower compared to what you supposed was normal. If he did in fact had two hearts his pulse should be way more intense, or so you supposed.

Being as careful as you possibly could, you dragged The Master to the closest piece of furniture. Not without some complications, you laid him on the couch and observed him, in hopes for him to make any kind of reaction. There was always the possibility that he was messing with you. That this was a part of some bigger scheme and that you were falling straight for it. But you knew that, if by any remote chance this was real and you walked away, leaving him there on his own, you would never be able to forgive yourself. Sure, he most likely wouldn’t do the same for you, but you weren't the type to run away when help was needed.

Besides, he had indeed saved you from Gallifrey, even if you didn’t know the real reason behind it. In a way, you felt like you owed him.

The only thing was, you didn’t exactly have a medical degree. You knew the basic things to keep yourself alive, and that was practically it. Also, you weren’t even sure if that knowledge could be applied to the Time Lord’s biology. Were they even able to get the flu? Is that what it was? A flu? It seemed kind of dumb to think that a race like the Time Lords, one of the most powerful ones in the universe, could pass out because of a simple cold. Yet, the symptoms were cold–like. High fever, cold sweat…

But you had never seen The Doctor getting ill. Until that moment, you had thought it was impossible for them to get a minor illness. If only she was there with you, maybe she could do something to help him get better. Or, at least, diagnose him. You, on the other hand, had no idea on what you should do.

Looking around, you laid your eyes on the console. It wasn’t a exact copy of the Doctor’s console, the decoration was extremely different, but you could still see that some of the controls were practically the same as hers. You remembered that there was a telephone somewhere in there. She used it sometimes to call the fam. Maybe you could use it to reach her, to let her know that you were okay and inform her of the situation you had in hands.

Maybe she wouldn’t want to help The Master, and you couldn’t blame her if that was the case. Their relationship wasn’t exactly at its peak right now, but it was worth the try.

You were about to get up and walk to the console when you found a blanket lying in the back of a chair. After putting it carefully over The Master, you finally made your way to the console. Sadly, the TARDIS wasn’t exactly human user friendly and the more you looked at the confusing buttons and levers, the more you wished for a ‘How to fly a TARDIS for dummies’ book to exist. As soon as you could be reunited with The Doctor you were going to ask her to teach how to use the damn thing.

Just when you were making your fourth or fifth walk around the console, you found a phone hidden right under it. You took it out of its shelf and dusted it off. Good, you had found a way to reach to her, now the problem was that you didn’t know her number by heart. You closed your eyes as you tried to remember the damn number. You had no luck with it, but you did remember something equally useful.

The TARDIS was a living being herself. She was able to communicate with their occupants as well as just change her interiors at her will.

“Please, help me find The Doctor.” You muttered, looking at the center of her console, begging. “I know she can help The Master. Do it for him. Please.”

A few seconds passed before the TARDIS hummed at you. You supposed it was a friendly interaction, since the phone immediately started to dial. Sighing in relieve, you waited for her to pick up at the other side. The seconds passed. Nothing. No answer.

“Can you please try again?” You politely asked once more.

“What are you still doing here?” His voice sounded weak, yet menacing, when he woke up and found you on his ship. You turned to him and observed him carefully. He clearly wasn’t going through his best moment.

“You passed out.” You clarified.

“That’s not what I asked.” He tried to get up, but he only got enough strength to sit on the couch. He was doing his best to try and keep his balance, but his headache wasn’t helping at all. “I brought you back to Earth, why haven’t you left yet?”

“It looks like you need some help, so I thought I would try–“

As soon as The Master saw you holding his phone, he cut you off. “What are you doing with that?”

“I was trying to call The Doctor, I thought maybe she could help.” You tried to justify yourself, but he didn’t seem very pleased with your answer.

“Don’t you even think of getting her here.” The Master angrily hissed, grabbing onto his side in pain.

You let go of the phone that was still in your hands, worried about his state. You should have imagined that he would have rather die than let The Doctor help him.

“Ok, I won’t call her.” You assured him, noticing that his skin was even paler than before. You had never thought you would see him in that state. So weakened, so defenseless. You almost felt pity for him. “But please, let me help you.”

“Help me?” He mocked you with a quiet laugh. Not even in the state he was he could stop being his cynical self. “You are just a pitiful human. You can’t help me.”

“Let me try.” You insisted. Most people would have given up on him by now, plus you knew your efforts wouldn’t have a reward. He wasn’t the grateful type, that was for sure, but you weren’t planning on letting him die on his own. No one deserved that. Not even him. “What is happening to you?” You asked after a few seconds of silence.

“Are we playing doctors now?” As The Master talked, he could feel the strength leaving his body. It was obvious that his sarcastic answer hadn’t pleased you, judging by the look you gave him. He was doomed anyway, so he decided he might as well keep himself entertained by watching you fail over and over in the attempt of finding a cure for him. “It’s the Cyberium.” He told you.

“What?” You asked in confusion. “What do you mean the Cyberium?”

“As you already know, its last host had gotten a bit… Indisposed.” He let out with a proud smirk, referring to how he had turned the half–converted Cyberman into a tiny doll. “So I kindly offered myself as its new host.”

“That thing almost kills Shelley.” You thought out loud, remembering one of your most recent adventures with The Doctor.

“Because you humans are weak.” He really didn’t pass on a chance to remind you that, did he? “It holds too much information for you to handle. No wonder his mind was melting.”

“To be fair, it looks like you’re also having a rough time handling it.” His eyes gave you one of the coldest stares you had ever received when you stated that.

“It’s not the same.” He assured, gesturing with his hands as he spoke. You supposed that was a good sign, one that showed that he was feeling slightly better. “I am more than capable of holding all its knowledge within me. And believe me, it does have some really interesting ideas.”

“Then why is it making you ill?” You questioned, already trying to think of something that could help him. So far, he wasn’t exactly making things easy for you. “Can’t you just regenerate and heal yourself?”

“I believe the Cyberium is quite disappointed that you and your beloved Doctor have blown our plans.” The Master explained, getting up from where he was sitting and walking to you. His moves were slow and clumsy as he dragged himself to the console. Once he reached his destination, he took a deep breathe to try and regain composure before answering your other question. “It is inside me and it doesn’t have the intention to leave until I’m dead. It wouldn’t let me regenerate. It’s trying to punish me for losing our whole army to that little bomb you and your friends exploded.”

“There’s got to be a way to get it out,” The Master laughed at your words as he placed himself in front of the screen of the console, reading something you couldn’t understand because it was written in Gallifreyan. “a way to get rid of it.”

“That’s exactly what I thought about you, yet here we are.” He sassily responded, not even looking back at you.

“At least I’m trying to think of something.” His attitude was beginning to irritate you. You couldn’t hold back a sigh.

The way he turned to you with eyes full of rage caused you to intuitively jump back. “Well, you shouldn’t force yourself that hard. We don’t want you burning out the one brain cell you have left.”

You crossed your arms in frustration, ready to put up a fight. But when you were just about to ramble back against him, you realized what he was doing, what he always did. He was trying to push you away. It was the oldest trick in the book. Maybe he thought he was better off dealing with this situation alone, or maybe he really thought you were in fact useless. Either way, you had already invested yourself in finding a cure for him. And even if he didn’t want your help, you still knew you could be useful. You were totally on board now.

“I know what you’re doing.” He ignored you when you finally talked again. “You can try all you want, but I’m not leaving. You’re going to have to put up with me.”

The Master watched you as you left the console room and got deeper into the TARDIS, looking for the library so you could make some research on the Cyberium. He was right about you being a complete pain in the ass, but maybe he had underestimated you.

By the time one of your adventures finally had you involved with the MI6, you had completely forgotten about O’s existence. You hadn’t heard a word about him since that time he was video calling The Doctor. But it was normal. The Doctor wasn’t much of an open book, she didn’t usually talk about her past or about her other friendships, and you had learned not to ask. It was no surprise that she didn’t talk you about him.

Besides, you were too busy visiting other planets on a daily basis, you didn’t exactly have time to think about the handsome stranger you had talked to once through a screen. You hadn’t even met him in person.

It wasn’t until The Doctor mentioned him to another agent called C that he popped back into your head.

Apparently, O had had a fall out with the rest of MI6 and was working from an unknown location. Well, unknown to his fellow agents. The Doctor just sent him a voice message and in a few seconds she got back a picture… Of a fish? As weird as it was you had to admit you had seen way weirder things with her.

Agent C was giving you more information on the case he was assigning you when he suddenly got shot by a sniper.

You and the rest of your friends were quick to run to the TARDIS, being as fast as you could on your escape. If someone had murdered one of the leaders of MI6 just like that, you sure were an easy target. When you all got inside of the safety of The Doctor’s ship, she started to process that picture of a fish she had showed you earlier. As it turned out, the picture was in fact a coded message. Some coordinates, actually.

But there was another concern hunting you and your friends right know. An antropomorphic figure made of light was trying to get into the TARDIS, and not even The Doctor knew what it was. Luckily, she did know how to get temporally rid of it. After doing so, she started to organize you all, sending Yaz and Ryan to investigate Daniel Barton, CEO of VOR and taking you and Graham with her to meet O.

Well, this day was getting more and more interesting.

In just a few seconds after dropping your friends in San Francisco, you were in Australia. Following right behind The Doctor, you just looked around you, seeing that you were in the middle of the desert. And right in front of you was O, with two other agents. He was shorter than you had imagined him, but still quite attractive.

“I see you decoded the fish.” He greeted your friend with a smile, which she returned. “Fancy a cuppa?”

“Very much.” The Doctor gladly accepted his proposal. “Hello! This is my friend Graham, and I believe you already know Y/N.”

“O.” He introduced himself to Graham while politely shaking his hand.

“Sorry, you’re…?”

“O.” The agent repeated several times until Graham figured out that ‘O’ was in fact his name. “It was… A joke, by the others at MI6.” He began to explain. “Whenever I came into the room to meet C, he’d go ‘Oh God…’” You laughed at his anecdote while shaking his hand. “It sort of stuck and now I’ve owned it.” He smiled at you as he finished telling his story.

He then proceeded to introduce the two agents from the Australian secret service that were with him, but The Doctor didn’t seem really interested in them. “Can I take a nose around your gaff?” She asked and took off without even giving O time to answer. Graham followed her closely.

“Is she always that spontaneous?” He asked you.

“You get used to it.” You assured him in response as you watched your friend get inside of the house. Both you and O started to make your way inside too. “It’s nice finally meeting you in person.”

“You too.” O dedicated you a warm smile.

“I wish we met under better circumstances though.” You added, nervously putting some hair behind your ear. “You know, one in which aliens weren’t threatening to end the world as we know it.”

“Well, you’ve got to admit there’s some thrill about this whole situation.” He said, looking in your direction.

“That’s true.” Your smile grew bigger. “But there always is when you travel with The Doctor.”

“How so?” He raised an eyebrow, intrigued.

“Things tend to get chaotic real quick.”

“And is that a bad thing?” You saw him smiling at you and looked away, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“Not necessarily.” You shrugged. “I kind of like chaotic.”

“It must be really interesting travelling with The Doctor.” O pointed out with the biggest smile on his face. “Maybe you could tell me about your adventures with her sometime.”

“Sure, as long as you tell me a few stories about your work on MI6.” As you both reached the door of his house, he opened it, letting you go first.”

“Oh, I mainly worked as an analyst.” He clarified. “But if you’re still interested I can show you some of my work.” You gave him a kind smile as you nodded, truly interested about his work. “Would you also like a cup of tea?”

As crazy as it seemed, The Masters’ TARDIS liked you. Well, you supposed she did. Maybe she just wanted you to figure out a way to cure The Master, your weren’t really sure. The point was that she was being very helpful, in opposition to the Time Lord.

While she helped you find The Master’s library and even created a room for you to rest in, The Master spent every waken second trying to push you over the limit, to make you give up. He didn’t have the slightest hope that you could find a way to help him. Mainly because not even he could find a cure for himself, so he knew there was no way you could come up with a realistic, practical solution.

If he couldn’t think of anything to get out of that situation, no one could. No stupid human pet of The Doctor’s could be able to outsmart him. He would rather die than to see that happen. And it was most likely to end that way.

Yet, nothing he could do or say seemed to persuade you to drop everything and leave. And it was not because he wasn’t trying. With the little strength he still had, he tried to torment you time and time again. Maybe if he had been in a better state, he could have gotten you to leave, but he barely could stand on his feet for more than a few minutes and you didn’t seemed to be bother at all by him.

Soon, The Master had fallen asleep again. The Cyberium could end him instantly, but it had chosen to torture him, to give him a slow and painful death. You thanked the quietness that his nearly coma state brought as you finally put yourself to study. You needed to know what the Cyberium was exactly, how it had been created, and most importantly, how to kill it without hurting its host.

Unluckily for you, the history of the Cybermen was surprisingly wide and the Cyberium was described more like an urban legend than something real. According to the only paragraph that talked about it, the Cyberium was the essence of all the cyberknowledge personified and the Cyberman that hosted it would be the one that lead its race to the total control of the universe.

“You must be the most irritating human to ever exist.” You heard The Master’s voice as he did his best to keep himself awake, the Cyberium attacking every cell of his body. You kept reading, ignoring him completely as you waited for him to fall asleep again. You had learned that that was the best way to deal with him. “No wonder The Doctor left you to die on Gallifrey.”

Those words hit closer than they should have.

“I told her to.” Without looking away from the book in your hands, you reminded him.

“It’s true.” He admitted, turning his head to you. “But she didn’t put much of a resistance, did she? You just told her to leave and she did.” The Master sadistically laughed. “If you ask me, she was taking an enormous weight off of her shoulders. And she was well aware of it.”

You could feel tears forming in your eyes as he spoke, but you did your best not to give him the reaction he was looking for. The Master was playing tricks with you and you couldn’t let yourself fall for them.

“I mean, she didn’t hesitate to leave you not only to die, but to die with me,” He continued, pushing harder. “knowing what I am capable of.”

“Are you capable of shutting up?” Your voice came out showing you more vulnerable than you would have wanted to sound.

“You don’t know The Doctor like I do.” He laughed again, even though it made every muscle on his body ache. “Not even she knows herself like I do. You were a burden. You had been for a long time, but she didn’t know how to get rid of you. Guess I made her a favor.” The Master observed you closely, waiting for you to finally melt down. “I know you felt it too. You were dispensable. The weakest link. That’s why it was so easy for me to approach to you as O.” You instantly stood up, closing the book with a loud noise and wiping away the few tears that were running down your face. “I didn’t have to do anything, and you were at my feet. You would have done anything I would have asked you to, wouldn’t you?”

“Shut up.” You demanded, taking your things and making your way to the interior of the TARDIS.

“Where are you going?” The Master asked when he saw you taking the book with you. He was hoping he had finally pushed you hard enough for you to leave, but apparently not.

“Somewhere where I can work in silence.” You held the book close to your chest, The Master sighing at your relentless attitude.

“Why won’t you give up?” He asked, his voice making you stop instantly in the place you were standing. “What do I have to do for you to leave me alone?”

“I don’t give up.” You simply said after swallowing the lump in your throat. “There’s only two things you can do to get rid of me, you either get better or you die. Whatever happens first.”

“I should have left you on Gallifrey.” His eyes were full of hate as he watched you clean your tears away. Human emotions were absolutely pathetic.

“Well, maybe you should have.”

“You know if I were in your position and you were the one dying, I would kill you myself.” His breathing was heavy, getting more upset by moments.

“I’m not you.” You reminded him. “The Doctor taught me to never give up and to help those in need, no matter what. Even if it’s you the one that needs help.” Your fingers dug on the book’s cover as you tried to relieve some tension. “I’m not doing this for you, and not even for her. I’m doing this for me, because these are my values.” You were about to leave the console room when you stopped again and looked The Master in the eye. “By the way, you have had several opportunities to kill me today and if I recall it correctly, all you did was get me out of the dying ruins of your home planet and bring me back to mine safe and sound. If you really mean to kill me, you’re doing a terrible job at it.”

The Master smiled as he watched you finally leave the control room. He didn’t know you had that in you.

The sun was rising outside and you had barely had a few hours of sleep.

It had been a crazy night, and not the good kind of crazy. It wasn’t every night that you were attacked by creatures made of light, you got to trap one to study them and then Yaz switched places with it. The Doctor was still trying to understand what they were and what they wanted, or how had they brought Yaz all the way from San Francisco to Australia in the blink of an eye. It had been a long night that had created more questions and given you no answers.

You had been talking to Yaz for a while, trying to be there for her as she told you about the place those creatures had taken her to. She seemed quite unsettled and, sadly, you couldn’t do much to calm her down. After a little chat with her on the front porch of O’s house, you decided to leave her some space and get back inside.

“Good morning.” You heard O’s voice coming from his little kitchen as he made some tea. “Want some?”

“Morning, and yes please.” You sat close to him, rubbing your eyes as a yawn escaped your lips. “I could really use one cup of tea now.”

“Did you get any sleep at all?” He asked in a worried tone as he poured some water to boil.

“Like an hour or two.” You held your head between your hands, elbows on the wooden table, as you did your best to stay awake. You raised your look to him, worried about him. O wasn’t used to all this craziness, so you couldn’t imagined what that night had been like for him. “How about you?”

“About the same.” O sat across from you while he waited for the water to start boiling. “Is your friend okay?”

“She will be.” You assured. “She’s one of the strongest people I know.”

“And how are you?” That question caught you by surprise.

“I’m holding up.” He looked at you with sympathetic eyes as he heard your answer. “I have seen a lot of things, but never something like these creatures.”

“That makes two of us, if it’s any consolation.” O said with a kind smile. “Apart from The Doctor, this is the first time that I see extraterrestrial live right in front of my own eyes.”

“It’s a bit crazy, isn’t it? Everyone denying the possibility of life on other planets when there’s actually so many species you can’t even know them all.” You sighed, immersed in your own thoughts. “For all we know, human race could have come from out of space too.”

“I’ve been gathering alien evidence half of my life.” He told you, looking at you in the eye. “And everyone treated me like I was crazy.”

“3 years ago I would have probably treated you like that too.” You admitted, remembering your life before meeting The Doctor. You had always been kind of skeptical, but your life had changed for the better when you found out about everything that was really out there. “But joke’s completely on all of us now.”

O laughed slightly as he got up to the sound of boiling water. He poured the hot liquid into two cups, handing you one. You thanked him with a kind smile.

“Why did you move to Australia?” You asked him as you stirred the sugar in your tea with a spoon. “Couldn’t you work from London or anywhere else in the UK?”

“I never really liked the city.” He confessed, taking a sip of his own cup. “Too many noise. I work better from here, in the middle of the desert.”

“Doesn’t it get lonely?” You asked without thinking about it. When you realized how your question might be perceived, you looked down at your cup and took a sip, trying to hide your embarrassment.

“Sometimes.” He replied, his smile not leaving his face. “But it’s for the best.”

The light was starting to come through the windows as you both had breakfast in silence. If it had been any other person, you would have felt awkward being in silence for so long. You would had probably forced yourself into some small talk to try and fill the silence. But for some reason you felt comfortable there with him. Just having breakfast without saying a word.

“How long have you known The Doctor, Y/N?” He asked you when you had both finished your cup of tea.

“It’s hard to tell.” You sighed, trying to calculate how long had passed in your own personal time line. “Things don’t happen in a straight line inside the TARDIS. Time loses all of its meaning.” O looked at you with questioning eyes. Maybe The Doctor hadn’t told him about time travel, you thought. “How much do you know about all of that?”

“A bit.” He shrugged. “Our paths crossed very briefly once when she was a man.”

“What do you mean ‘when she was a man’?” Disbelieve took over you as you tried to understand what was going on.

“Oh.” The smile left momentarily his face. “She never mentioned that?”

“I didn’t know she meant that for real.” The both of you laughed. “With her, you never really know when she’s being serious.”

“Her species has this ability, a way to escape death.” O began to explain you. “When their life is in danger, they change every cell of their body, giving them a random new face. They call it ‘regeneration’” Amazed, you opened your eyes as he spoke. “I’ve been trying to gather information about her too.”

“I kind of want to know what she looked like as a man.” You bit your lip as curiosity aroused in you.

“I was able to get some photos of some of her previous regenerations.” He stood up and walked to a shelf in which he had a bunch of papers piled up. “This whole shelf is full with all the information I could gather of her. There are a lot of inconsistencies, but it’s still really, really interesting” You looked at the documents almost like if you were starving and they were a delicious buffet placed in front of you. “Do you wanna have a look?” You energetically nodded as he offered you a way to satisfy your curiosity.

O took the folders and brought them to you, letting them on the table and taking the empty cups to the sink. You grabbed one of them and opened it to find the photo of a man in a brown suit next to a young blonde woman.

“Wow.” You couldn’t hold back the exclamation as you eyed the page in front of you. “Is this what she looked like when you met her?” You asked O as you pointed the man in the picture.

“Not exactly.” The agent shook his head. “She has had many faces. That is just one of them.”

You kept reading the papers in front of you, finding out more about The Doctor’s past. There was a lot of facts about The Doctor that you could have never imagined, so many names, so many organizations related to your friend. You were half through the first page when you stopped reading and put the paper away.

“I feel like I shouldn’t be reading this.” You sighed, feeling guilty. “Isn’t this like a violation of her privacy?”

“No.” He was quick to respond. “In fact, it’s not that you should, you must know all you possibly can about her. You travel with her, you risk your life every day for her. How can you let your life in hands of someone who hides her past from you?” Your gaze switched between the papers in front of you and O’s eyes, thinking about his words. “Do you know where she’s from?”

“She’s from…” You hesitated, not being able to remember the name at first. “Gallifrey. She has mentioned it sometime.”

“What do you know about Gallifrey? Have you ever been?” He asked you, his tone more inquisitive than it usually was.

“Not much. Just what The Doctor said about it.” You recalled the few conversations with your friend. “I believe she mentioned there are two suns instead of just one… But The Doctor never took us there.”

“I think I might know why.” O handed you another file about your friend’s home planet. You eyed it. “It was placed in the constellation of Kasterborous and it was home to the Time Lords, The Doctor’s species.”

“Was?” You asked when you realized that he was using the past tense.

“Something terrible happened to Gallifrey.” He pointed the picture of an enormous dome in an orange sky. “There was a war and–“

“Come on, you two. Everyone out front. Lots to chat up on.” The Doctor surprised you by coming out of the TARDIS. You quickly dropped the sheet in your hands and hid it in its folder. “I made ice tea. Possibly.”

Holding the large glass in her hands, she made her way out of the house as you and O rushed to clean up the mess of documents on the table. You helped him put the folders back to the shelf where they were before.

You were making your way outside when O stopped you by grabbing your wrist. He leant over your ear, careful not to be overheard by anyone.

“I’ll tell you the rest when we get a chance of being alone.”

#Doctor Who #Doctor Who fanfic #Dhawan!Master #Dhawan!Master x reader #Dhawan!Master x you #Dhawan!Master fanfic #The Master #Master x reader #Master x you #dhawan master x reader #dhawan master x you #Sacha Dhawan #Sacha Dhawan x reader #Sacha Dhawan x you #Doctor Who imagine #DhawanMaster imagine #Dhawan master imagine

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pluviophile-bookworm · 3 years

Text

I feel like I need to talk about this...

I’m very open about being aroace. At least here on Tumblr I am. (Outside of Tumblr, I am technically out, but some issues with my mother and grandmother have forced me back into the closet. I felt miserable about that initially, but I’m learning to be fine with it.) But it wasn’t always this way. In fact, I didn’t even know what aroace meant until I was 18. So how was I supposed to know when I got my first ‘celebrity crush’ that those last words do not, in fact, describe very accurately what I was experiencing? I didn’t know I had ADHD, either. I feel like that might have helped me realise some things about my experience. But let me go back a bit and actually tell you what happened and how it happened. [side note: I’ll be starting from a bit earlier than the ‘crush’ thing happened because I feel like it’s important for whoever reads this to understand how my circumstances shaped the experience I had]

Backstory:

I had always been different from my peers, so it was not surprising to anyone that I was bullied in middle school. [side note: Judging from my and my little brother’s combined experience, I feel like bullying is, quite unfortunately, something of a universal experience in middle school - in my day, I was on the receiving end. This last school year, my brother was the bully. Gosh, I wish I could tell my story without many deviations and without crying as I type, but I’ve already thrown both of those intentions out the window.]

So anyway, things got so bad that I was driven to suicidal thoughts. One night I was just lying in bed, thinking about going through with it, but I was like, well, I’ve got a test in the morning. Maybe after that. 13-year-old me had very weird priorities. I kind of still value my work over my mental health, but I’m working on it. So that night, I didn’t do anything. The next day, right before school, I was on the internet and I found out a new show had premiered. And then, as I was watching the pilot episode, that was when it happened. I saw this boy, whom I will not be naming, and I listened to him sing. I felt nothing much at the moment, but I couldn’t get the song out of my mind all day. Up until that moment, I had had a weird attitude towards music where I’d only listen to female singers. My ‘boys have cooties’ phase, I guess you could say. But this one, he was the first one I didn’t mind at all. In fact, I felt like I could listen to his voice 24/7. I’ve had that feeling hundreds of times by now, but I hadn’t before then. So I figured, this must be what a crush means, right? This must be what all my peers are talking about. The next day, I confided in a girl from my class with whom I was kind of friendly (though not actual friends, I’d say). I asked her if she’d seen the show, if she knew this person. She said yes and we kind of gushed about the song together, and I felt normal for a couple of minutes. I never knew the difference between my experience and what is considered ‘normal’ until years later.

For the time being, the thought of this special person was what was keeping me alive. I started having visions of him walking with me through the school hallways or sitting next to me on the bus home from school. I knew perfectly well those visions weren’t real, but they made me feel better. Happy. Safe. Seen. Full disclosure: I still have such visions, I’ve had them with different people through the years as my hyperfixations change. My latest one is what has enabled me to deal with some of my worst phobias (and I have a long list of them). I’ve never told anybody what it is, and I won’t be telling because I feel like if I do tell, the vision will not be strong enough to work against my fears. But I’m getting sidetracked again. Sorry for that.

So, I was pretty much obsessed with this guy. He was all I could think about, he was keeping me alive through what was possibly the toughest time in my life to date. So naturally, thanks to my heteronormative, amatonormative surroundings, I was convinced I had a crush on him. In fact, after this experience had lasted about a year, I was sure I was in love.

Then things changed. I started high school. I found a couple of friends, and the people in my class in general made me feel like I could finally be myself. Be open about what I thought and how I felt. So by the end of the first semester, all 27 people in my class knew about my feelings for this guy. What I didn’t know was that they didn’t know that it wasn’t exactly like I was describing it. Because I wasn’t aware that a straight/ allo person’s idea of being ‘in love’ was different from mine. I was just putting things in words I thought I understood.

So it came as a total surprise when some people from my class started teasing me about it. It wasn’t malicious teasing, that much I could tell. I had been bullied mercilessly before. What my new classmates were doing was asking genuine questions in a slightly teasing manner. For example, it would be known that my special person had a girlfriend, and so they’d ask me ‘aren’t you jealous’ or ‘do you wish you were that’, or stuff like that. And those questions felt so weird. So stupid. I thought, wait, why would I be jealous? Why would I feel bad about this person who has made me so happy, being happy himself? Why would I want to date him? That had nothing to do with how I felt. I told my classmates so. They gave me weird looks in response. So I started feeling like there was something wrong with me. Like I wasn’t doing that ‘in love’ thing right. Suddenly, I felt like my feelings were being intruded upon. Tarnished, somehow. I had always been aware that my visions were anything but real. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. And all of a sudden, somebody was suggesting that I should want to date this person. Why would I want to date anyone, I thought? Even if it was him. Dating people was awkward. Making physical contact with anyone outside my immediate family made me shudder. It still does, though I can hug some of my closest friends without any negative feelings. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Back to my first time I questioned my experience. I was about 14 at the time (in Bulgaria, high school starts from grade 8, ages 13-14 or 14-15), and, well, I didn’t do much questioning at the time. I just told myself that they didn’t understand my feelings, and I stopped being so open about the topic.

My hyperfixation on this person lasted long. Longer than any other I’ve ever had to date. Maybe it was because I clung to it like it was what tethered me to my mortal life. But by my final year of high school, I could feel it fading away. I was forcing myself to think about this person, to conjure up the old visions; the song that had started it all was drained of all meaning that it had held for me. I was moving on to other hyperfixations. I felt like I was betraying myself, like I was breaking some sort of unbreakable vow. It was time to face the music. So I let go. I allowed myself to move on. It was kind of made easier by the fact that my special person had changed, too, and had moved on to projects that I could not enjoy due to some triggering content. And I moved on.

Then I joined Tumblr. I discovered some things. Among them was Hellenic polytheism. It had been a while since I’d found my faith in the Hellenic pantheon, but Tumblr was where I found out I was not alone, that there was an existent religion. And step by step, I realised that... I had been projecting Apollo’s presence onto my special person. And my old connection to that person had started fading away when I had realised I believed in the gods.

This explained a lot of things. But there was still the fact that I had never been able to look at another person the way my peers were looking at each other. I had been asked out two or three times during high school. I had rejected those people without even thinking about it. My best friend at the time was a boy and most teachers seemed to ship us together because, well, let’s be real - we were constantly fighting like an old married couple. It took him getting a girlfriend and seeing how happy I was for the two of them for everyone to realise that things between us were, and had always been, purely platonic. And now I was going to uni and I had never had feelings I was apparently supposed to have.

It was also thanks to Tumblr that I discovered the extent of the LGBTQ+ community. I considered myself an ally at first, and I was a passionate ally, too. I still am nothing but supportive to my fellow LGBTQ+ people of all identities, but it was not until I was 18 going on 19 that I discovered the term ‘asexual’. I knew quite suddenly that this was the term for me. I knew what I was and how I felt. I felt mature enough to know the difference between ‘I’m not experienced enough to know for sure’ and ‘I’ve just never had those feelings, I don’t even know what they’re supposed to be like’. It took a bit longer to find out there was a difference between sexual and romantic attraction, but by the time I was 19, I had proudly labelled myself ‘aroace’. I still feel at home with this label. I am completely open to the possibility that it might change with time, but this is what feels right at this time.

Fast-forward another couple of years to about 8 months ago. I had always known that I got really invested into stuff - shows, books, hobbies, people - only for that investment to wear off after a time. The timespans varied, but I realised I had experienced this ever since I was in pre-school at least. I didn’t have a term for it, though. And then, all of a sudden, Tumblr started offering me posts tagged ADHD. I could relate to maybe 95% of them. At one point, it felt like whatever algorithm this hellsite operates on was shoving the ADHD posts in my face, as if screaming ‘DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF, WELL, YOU?!!!’ in my ears. So I did some tests. I did a lot of self-reflection. I went to a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed in March. I started educating myself on the terminology and found out that what I was experiencing is called hyperfixating. So here I am now.

Here I am now, reflecting back on my experience from 8 years ago, connecting the dots. Realising what it was that I went through, allowing myself to go through it again, with different things and people. I don’t feel the need to cling to hyperfixations anymore because I know that is what they are and I know I can’t keep them forever. Of course, I do feel bad about stopping caring about something that used to be my light and life for a time. I dread the time I’ll get over my current hyperfixation, but I also know it’s inevitable. My ADHD brain needs the change and it happens naturally. And somehow I’m ok with that.

Well, this is it. This is the story of how Tumblr prompted me to discover aspects of myself that have been there for as long as I can remember. What better place to talk about it than Tumblr itself? What better group of people to understand and accept me than my lovely mutuals and followers? If you’re reading this, thank you. For being here, for listening to me, for allowing me to be who I am. You’ve got no idea how happy this makes me, even though I can barely see what I’m typing through the tears. Thank you.

#personal #jnk #asexual #aromantic #aro #ace #aroace #adhd #hellenic polytheism #tw: suicide #tw: bullying

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darktypeimagines · 4 years

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Hi! I was wondering if you could expand a bit on the ´S/O from Unova´ who travels the world (Specifically Leon). This request is a little specific so here goes; The S/O has a thing for fire types, and while in Galar studies under Kabu (They are a HUGE fan) They have two partner pokemon, an Emboar and a Drifblim. Thank you so much, for your time :)

2nd ask – I assume you saw my message about missing posts and re-sent this. Since the asks have slightly different details, I’ll just combine them into one post

“Hiya! Could you do some HC´s for a trainer who´s mentored by Kabu? To elaborate they´e been a fan since a young child, and also adore fire types. Said trainer has gone to Galar to test their mettle against gym leaders w/ their ace Emboar. After the match, the trainer asked if Kabu could help them specifically w/ fire types.”

So, based on the asks, I’m assuming you want the same character as from the Unovan strategist ask, so I’ll expand on that. I changed up the order of things a little bit. AND OH BOY I WROTE WAAAAY TOO much again. I split it halfway to save your dashes. There’s nothing really triggering, although some people might not be into a relationship with a decent age gap.

———————————————————————————

You were pretty young when you decided to be a trainer, much like many kids. But, unlike many kids, you were hyperfixated on one particular trainer: the fire type specialist, Kabu.

You first became a fan ALL the way back when he first joined the Galar League. Despite being from Unova, you often watched the Galar league because there was just a sense of excitement that was lacking in other leagues. Galar made a show of their tournaments, so their televised battles were watched worldwide.

Once you set out beyond Unova, you decided to head over to Galar. You needed a fresh challenge, and considering it was the Galar League that helped you decide your course in life, it felt natural to head there next

You ended up battling all the other Galar gym leaders before finally heading to Kabu. Might as well save your favorite for last!

Apparently, he heard about you already. News travels fast, especially when the news is about a famous Unovan trainer who’s randomly challenging all of the gym leaders of his region. He knew he’d encounter you eventually.

He greeted you in the gym, rather formally, saying he was expecting you. You were low-key freaking out on the inside, but managed to keep yourself together. For about a minute. Then you lost it. You started gushing, telling you how you watched him on TV since you were a little kid. How you looked up to him. How you became a fire-type specialist because of him. And how, growing up, you wished you could have trained under him. How that was your most common daydream.

And then you stopped. Oh no. You went too far.

Kabu gave you a knowing look, and let out a small laugh. He was used to this; it happened all the time with fans. Although, it wasn’t every day such an accomplished trainer came up to him and told him he inspired them… It was incredibly flattering.

He said he would have loved to train you, but you probably surpassed him by now. He wasn’t sure if you could learn much from him.

WHATAREYOUTALKINGABOUTOFCOURSEICOULDLEARNMOREYOUREAMAZINGYOUHAVESOMUCHMOREEXP- was basically the gist of what you incoherently blurted out.

Kabu was surprised at the outburst, but he just smiled again. Did he blush, or did you imagine it? You’d never know.

Well… in that case. He knew you came to battle, but if you really, really wanted to, he could train you. He wouldn’t mind. He’s still not sure what he could possibly teach you, but he could try to come up with something!

After a bit of mental short-circuiting, you said yes! Of course! It was a dream come true for you, and… it took you a while to feel like it was actually happening.

You stayed at the inn during your training. The first thing Kabu had you do was change your schedule. You had to meet up with him before dawn and then make your way down to wherever you were training that day.

Usually, it was one of the mines or his gym. What surprised you was the content of his training. Often, it wasn’t even battling. It almost seemed like he was training you rather than helping you with your Pokemon or battling…

You had to endure the elements. Snowstorms near Circhester. The heat of the Dusty Bowl. Battling in the pitch-black night.

You jogged together. Meditated. Kabu even talked to you about eating a little healthier.

You asked him when you were actually going to train with battling. And that was when Kabu decided to explain his thinking to you. It was clear that you were a talented trainer. You knew strategy. You knew your Pokemon inside and out. But, what about you? Were you in peak condition, mentally and physically? A battle could occur anywhere, at any time, so you needed to be prepared at all times. Otherwise, there was a chance you could let down your partners…

Plus, as he said earlier, he explained, you seem to have surpassed him in terms of actual battling long ago.

After this, you agreed to continue. Being with him was a dream, even if it wasn’t what you were expecting.

This went on for months. You began to wonder how long this would go on for. Not that you were complaining. And, in that time, the two of you grew closer.

You started having dinner together frequently. Kabu was a pretty good cook, so often the two of you just ended up at his house. Due to the intensity of your training, you often ended up curled up next to Emboar on the floor, passed out after dinner. You always found a blanket on top of you when you woke up.

But, in time, you began to feel the itch to battle. Specifically, against him. So, one morning, when you first met up, you simply asked him.

He smiled, and said sure. If you felt you needed to battle him, then you needed to battle him! So, the two of you headed down to his gym. It wasn’t open yet, so it was eerily quiet, but in a way, it felt right.

He asked if you wanted to battle in a certain way; he knew Unovan people sometimes had battles with three Pokemon, after all. And he knew you didn’t Dynamax. You said a typical single battle would be fine, and that you’d LIKE it if he Dynamaxed! More challenge, after all…

You did agree to have a three on three battle, though, since he only had five Pokemon.

You sent out Emboar; he started with Arcanine. The large dog growled, baring its teeth – the aggression was quite intimidating and seemed to daunt Emboar. You knew its attacks might be weaker and more hesitant now…

But, before Kabu could give an order, you had Emboar use Sucker Punch, catching Arcanine off guard and stunning them. Despite being intimidated, Emboar landing quite the hit!

While Arcanine was trying to recover, you had Emboar follow up the last attack with a Fire Punch. Not a very effective attack type wise, but it would be fast enough for a quick follow up attack.

Before Emboar could ready another attack, Kabu had Arcanine launch a flurry of Extremespeeds. They took their toll on Emboar, and it was difficult for your Pokemon to get back on its feet.

·As Arcanine was about to start another round, you had Emboar strike the ground and use Earthquake. It hit Arcanine before it could reach Emboar, and it fainted.

Kabu sent out Ninetales next. This round was a bit more uneventful, as Emboar got another Earthquake in, which badly injured Ninetails. But then the fox got in an Extrasensory, knocking out Emboar.

You sent off Drifblim next, the balloon ghost rising high on the residual heat from Emboar’s attacks. Most people were surprised that you, a fire type specialist, had a random ghost type on your team. But this was purely strategic. What most people didn’t know is that Drifblim, like a hot air balloon, could rise higher and faster with hot air. You used their lack of knowledge to your advantage.

With Drifblim flying high above, Ninetales tried to launch a Fire Blast at them. Before the move could hit, though, you had Drifblim use Phantom Force. The ghost vanished, making the fire move miss. Both Kabu and Ninetales searched around the arena, but Drifblim was nowhere to be found. Ninetales braced itself for an attack, but didn’t know where to focus its attention.

Moments later, a dark portal appeared behind the fox, and Drifblim flew out, attacking Ninetales. Between this powerful move and the damage Ninetales took earlier, Kabu’s Pokemon fell, unable to battle further.

Kabu sent out his last Pokemon, Centiskorch. Luckily for your strategy, just the fire bug’s presence bought new heat to the arena, speeding up your Drifblim. Kabu immediately Gigantamaxed his Centiskorch, the bug type surrounding itself in energy and quickly taking up the other half of the battlefield.

And you know what? You had a plan to deal with the giant Pokemon. It was a cheap tactic, but you knew it’d work. You had Drifblim use Phantom Force throughout Centiskorch’s Gigantamax time. The giant bug tried to hit Drifblim with Centiferno multiple times, but due to the hot air, Drifblim kept out speeding its opponent. Finally, Centiskorch reverted to its normal sized form.

It hadn’t taken much damage due to its defense boost, but it was far from unscathed. As Centiskorch reverted back to its normal form, Kabu surprisingly had it use Crunch, landing a critical blow on Drifblim.

Drifblim wouldn’t be able to last much longer. It sputtered up and down, trying to keep altitude, obviously exhausted. You felt a little bad doing this… but, you knew it would earn you the win.

You had Drifblim rush Centiskorch, which Kabu didn’t expect. When they were within range, you yelled to your Pokemon to unleash Explosion! In the blast of smoke and fire, you couldn’t see whether or not it finished the job. But as the battlefield cleared, you saw both Pokemon, Drifblim laying on top of Centiskorch, fainted. You had won, with a Pokemon to spare.

After returning your Pokemon, and quietly promising Drifblim a nice treat when you got home, you and Kabu approached each other.

He congratulated you. It had been a while since he had such a fierce battle! With an explosive ending, too! He said he hoped to battle you again someday, and wished you the best along the rest of your journey.

What?

Oh yeah. You were traveling the world. Right.

Honestly, though, being with Kabu reminded you what “home” felt like. You felt comfortable with him. You didn’t want to leave.

And. You broke down and got emotional. Kabu was rather worried, and quickly crossing the space between you, putting a hand gently on your shoulder. He asked what was wrong, although you have a feeling he had an idea.

You told him. You blurted it out. That you adored him, beyond that of a regular fan. You… loved him? You weren’t sure yet. But you knew you had feelings for him and the thought of leaving was a nightmare for you.

It took a moment for Kabu to respond. He seemed to have to gather his thoughts. And then, he said it. He felt the same way. But he felt you needed to move on. After all, how could you improve yourself if you stayed here?

But… While he doesn’t want to admit it, because of the age difference between you two, he, too, had feelings for you. He loved your passion; how you were willing to go to such lengths for your dreams. You looked up to him for so long, and worked your way towards eventually meeting him. And even after you realized how hard his training was, you stuck with him! He admired you. And he also didn’t really want you to go.

After a long talk, which took place at his home since you both needed somewhere more comfortable to work things out, it was decided that you two would give this a shot.

You immediately moved in with him. But, beyond the added romance, the same structure that bought you together remained. You still trained together. You still woke up early together. Only now, you woke up before dawn with a kiss and retired to your home – the one you shared.

#kabu #kabu x reader #pokemon swsh #pokemon sword and shield #pokemon imagines #pokemon #scenario #ask #x reader #darktypeimagines

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browncesario · 3 years

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Pls continue to geek out to me btw I love it. I hope you have had a good week! Is the stay at home order too horrible? I think we might have that here as well. So this might be a big question but PLEASE let me know in as much detail as you can, why do you like the Jonas Brothers. Feel free to do a timeline of events with them in your life with inciting incidents. I want to know it all. Also, I think this is probably right but you’re a Joe fan most, correct?

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 me to you rn and always the stay at home order isn’t bad yet! but i’m agoraphobic so i don’t go out much anyway lmao. and yes!! i am a joe stan and ok FUCK i’m putting the jonas brothers question under the cut because i literally do not know where i end and the jonas brothers begin they’re such an integral part of who i am in every way so here we go

so like. i’m gonna try and condense this because there’s a lot of sad angsty stuff in the story but the cliffnotes version is i was like. a really lonely kid. i had a literally unbelievable shitty time in elementary school, and in the last few years i got really really into not only horses, but just the barn i rode at in general. it’s important to note here that when you’re an athlete like that, you are spending every moment with these people in this environment. which is fine. the problem was that barn was uhhhh incredibly toxic and highkey abusive.

summer 2008 was the transition period between when i became an actual person. that summer literally everyone in the barn was going to a big horse show in tennessee and i wasn’t (which sounds a lot less dramatic than it actually was considering the stuff that surrounded it) and i was left with two weeks on my own to sit in my room and try and distract myself.

you can see where this is going. their music like. got it. sure it was generic enough that it could, but they helped me process the things i was going through and the pain i was in by putting words to it. i’d lay on my back with my feet on my bedroom wall and listen to jonas brothers (2007) on repeat and think about how they did leave without a single word, not even sorry. i did want to know if they’d care when i’m gone and i’d really had enough.

i don’t think i really understood that it was going to go from “summer hyperfixation to cope” to “life long love that can make me feel safe and secure in even the worst times,” but it probably has something to do with the fact that i started at a new school a week after a little bit longer came out. that school became the first safe place i’d experienced with teachers who got me and an actual friend group who loved me and cared about me, so somehow in my brain i’ve gotten the wires crossed between “jonas brothers, the camp rock cinematic universe, and the year 2009″ and “beacon of safety, support, and escapism.” i am so goddamn loud about the things i like. can you imagine me at twelve. sure i’ve calmed down in adulthood the jonas brothers are a personality trait of mine in a real tangible way.

i'm trying to frame the way i loved and engaged with the brothers circa 2008-2010 in an accurate yet concise way so here it is. i spent all my time on youtube because that’s where their base was for the most part. i was a jemi stan and a joe stan and fic writer and i was still in that goddamn barn. i loved the things i did openly and unashamedly and it was a nice time. like i was miserable but it was a nice time.

the brothers went on an unofficial hiatus after the camp rock 2 tour, and it was like. fine. i was 14 at the time and i had other interests (house md hello i love you kiss kiss) and i was pretty fucking mad at joe over the way he’d treated demi that year and proceeded to unstan him for the next two years. (i still to this day have not bought fastlife.)

in april 2012 there was a very serious blow up at my barn directed at me and it’s literally traumatizing thing i’ve ever experienced. in october 2012 the jonas brothers kicked off their first comeback.

i will say, the november show at the pantages it took me about half an hour to be wrapped around joe’s finger again. but this is not my fault as they hadn’t toured in two years. but it was incredible. sure, it didn’t have the flair of the disney days but the music was all there. some of their best and most underrated work came out of that era. (s/o to the pushing me away acoustic version specifically.)

anyway. i spent that year rebuilding stuff re the barn and it uhhhhh did not go well.

a brief history of the things i did in august 2013:

i left the barn

i sold my childhood mare who meant the world to me

my best friend who i was super co-dependant on left for college in new york

i moved to a new barn looking for a fresh start

i started at a new school in the same vein

i went to the last jonas brothers tour date before the band would call it quits in october 2013

i sort of love the symmetry there.

truthfully, while i was sad the band had broken up, i wasn’t totally devastated. i knew when i was like 30. they’d run out of money and do a reunion tour and anyway i had more pressing things to worry about and by the end of that fall semester things had started to pick up and i was really excited about Real Life TM. come college things with the band settled down and dnce formed my freshman year and started touring and that was great! their standing room only show in philly in 2015 is one of my favorite concert experiences ever.

there’s a lot there, but truthfully i haven’t unpacked my twenties yet so i will simply say i did go back to that barn in 2015 because the horse i bought in that looking for redemption arc died very suddenly and tragically. i left again in 2018 which was a horrible horrible year for me, but i did go back to writing camp rock fic and i do think i left that barn for good this this time. anyway. three months after i left the brothers announced their return.

so. what do i like about the band specifically?

with the brothers i think the music is often the thing people talk about last, which is kinda fuckin dumb! this band was made up of literal children who wrote, played, and often produced nearly every single track. that’s not normal and it’s not acknowledged and when people think about the jonas brothers i hope that they think of them as artists, because that’s what they are.

like literally nick wrote sos in ten minutes when he was thirteen years old. it’s one of the most iconic radio hits of 2007. his credits on lvatt are basically longer than this essay.

i don’t even like calling them a boyband for this reason. there’s nothing wrong with boybands i myself am a one direction stan but like lets not pretend that there’s any similarities between something formed organically out of a love of music that ended up becoming corporate, and something that was formed with the intention of that.

really the brothers went through hell climbing up that ladder, it’s super fucked up when you think about it and that’s even before you get to the disney era.

they’re fun! they’re funny! less so now that they’re rich and old and a little drunk on fame (i’m looking at you nicholas) but they pioneered youtube and social media branding and i think thats SO interesting.

i have a lot less respect for the brothers now that i’m older mostly bc they’re sell outs and conservatives (not you joe i love you god’s chosen middle child,) but like. i am fiercely protective of them regardless. i can’t even blame them for being like this. imagine growing up evangelical stage children and getting your entire life sold to the walt disney corporation. wouldn’t that fuck you up too. this counts as a thing i like about them because i love psychoanalyzing them. it’s one of my favorite hobbies.

like seriously. the two months before the brothers came back i spent just picking through ancient obscure interviews and livejournal fics really drinking in things i missed, and it was fucking wild.

also back to the music. to be clear it is absolutely my favorite thing about this band past the personal associations. i’m listening to when you look me in the eyes right now, which is one of my less-loved tracks, and i’m still getting incredibly emotional just pausing and listening to the harmonies and the soft drum kit.

the brothers write this music that just has. this hopeful sort of honesty. it’s innocent but it’s not naive, it’s caring but it’s not saccharine, they have a concrete sound. everyone who knows me knows this band matters to me. the brothers say that people like them because they’re the soundtrack of their lives. i know they think it’s a nostalgia thing, songs that came on at ninth grade dances and sleepover movies, but that’s not it. they’re the soundtrack of my life, absolutely. but it’s much more than that. they’re this one constant that’s held through my entire life. they’re the hand for me to hold.

#gcwca secret santa #long post if the read more breaks #i am so so so sorry this is so long #replies #aes

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