#(Here's our misadventure!)
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Starter for Portrayer Phantasos ( @eternalstarlights) | The Forbidden Prison
♕┊ Aspros was standing in front of tall steel gates. The man huffed and crossed his arms over his chest and cast his eyes down to the light-furred puppy that sat in front of the gates, scratching her ear.
“Delightful,” he sneered down at the annoying thing as sarcasm dripped from his words naturally. The puppy didn’t seem fazed. Instead, she barked with what Aspros (wrongly) assumed was glee. The displeased look on the Specter’s pale face deepened.
He hate running errands for people. But Pandora’s word was the word of Hades -- not that Aspros was in any position to reject the orders. She said that he and his assistant would have a little guide to help him through the Forbidden Prisons...
...He certainly wasn’t expecting the dog.
♕┊ Aspros groaned, shifting the whole of his weight to one leg. His eyes trailed up to the Forbidden Prisons.
“How come Pandora can’t send one of the Judges to search through the prison for her? Why is it our responsibility?” Aspros complained lightly. Was he reluctant to go? Fuck yeah. He’d probably break a nail in there, and he was having more than enough fun throwing his weight around and silently plotting his revenge against Sanctuary. But, alas, he was stuck with Phantasos.
Pandæmonium. One of the deepest and most forbidden prisons in the Underworld. Their mission was to quell the sudden unrest within. Most of the abominations were kept in their cells, but it appears some irresponsible Specter accidentally let lose one of the worse of the creatures. Since Pandora probably hated his guts, Aspros was sent to Pandæmonium with Phantasos as his current (work) partner.
...oh, and the dog. Can’t forget about the dog.
The Puppy barked again, causing Aspros’ eye to twitch.
#EternalStarlights#EternalStarlights;;SurrealDreams#(owo/)#(Here's our misadventure!)#(I had to look back at the discussion on Discord for the plot so I also included a paragraph with a TLDR of the plot LOL)#(Let chaos ensue!)#♕ Queued Reply
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Steve Harrington was wearing a Hellfire t-shirt.
It was far too tight on him, the name of the club stretched wide over his chest. The sleeves dug into his biceps, making them pop even more than they usually did, and that was before he crossed his arms.
Worse?
It was short.
Which meant the damn shirt was constantly riding up to give everyone a nice show of the smattering of hair that trailed down past the band of Harrington's jeans.
The same hair that Eddie was determinedly not looking at.
“Henderson, a moment?” He crooked a finger, a smile on his face that was more feral than welcoming.
Rather than cower or even acknowledge that Eddie was two seconds away from murder, Dustin just gave him a gummy grin, all too pleased with himself and his scheme.
“Sure Eddie. Steve, don't just stand there, go help set the booth up!” Dustin gestured to Hellfire’s sad little table, crammed all the way in the back of the gym.
Jeff and Gareth both reacted to the suggestion like a rabid squirrel had been set upon them, nervously inching towards the other side of the booth as Harrington sighed and--shockingly--did as he was told.
‘What,’ Eddie thought angrily, ‘in the everloving fuck.’
“Do you guys mind if I set this down on the table?” Eddie heard Harrington ask as he stormed away, Dustin on his heel.
They wandered just around the corner, out of sight and hopefully, out of the fallen king’s hearing range.
Eddie wasn't sure if Harrington would try and white knight the very much deserved dressing down he was about to give.
Didn’t want to chance it, considering the downright weird relationship he had with Hellfire's freshmen.
(While he’d heard many a tale at his table regarding King Steve since the newest recruits had joined Hellfire, most of them dissolved into arguments without ever really going anywhere.
Best anyone could figure out was that Dustin and Lucas had a bad case of hero worship, while Mike owned a begrudging amount of respect that hailed from a series of misadventures.
The very same misadventures that, despite all protests to the contrary, was clearly some sort of babysitting gig for Harrington.)
Either way, plenty of the King’s court would have loved to take this opportunity to fuck with Hellfire.
Given that Henderson was absolutely too old to require a babysitter at fourteen, Eddie would bet his lunch money that was what Steve was here to do.
Something the club couldn’t afford since they were forever and always two seconds away from being stripped of club status and banned from school grounds.
“I would love to know what went through that all A’s brain of yours when I said,” Eddie whirled on Dustin when they were firmly in the clear, voice low and furious. “no Henderson, do not invite King Steve to help, he is an invading force and would ruin our peaceful kingdom!?”
He clasped his hands behind his back before leaning into Dustin’s face. “Because clearly whatever you heard wasn’t that.”
To Eddie’s continued frustration and confusion, Dustin did not treat this like the threat it was.
None of the freshmen had ever truly treated Eddie like a threat--had somehow skipped that part of the usual onboarding ritual entirely.
Eddie, town freak and drug dealer, who had cultivated his looks and craziness to such a degree that most everyone steered clear, wasn’t used to it.
Everyone had been afraid of him at some point in this shitty school. Jeff, Gareth, hell even half the staff--and that the dorky trio of fourteen year old's clearly thought this all was play-acting made his eye twitch.
Even if it was--maybe, sometimes--welcome.
“I know what you said, but I’m telling you I’m right.” Dustin argued immediately, and oh God, he was using that tone again.
A hand went up into the space between them and Eddie groaned aloud, knowing what was coming.
“First,” Dustin ticked a finger up, “Hellfire really needs the money. Even thirty dollars would get us new figures, but more than that, if we don’t fundraise, we can’t go to Gen Con!”
Dustin's eyes bored into Eddie’s, full of fire and conviction
“Yes,” Eddie said through gritted teeth, “but--”
“Second!” Dustin cut him off, and God the little shit even threw him a look while he did it, like Eddie was the one being ridiculous here!
“We had to fight just to get our table! Principal Higgins was in algebra today practically begging the mathletes to show up, but then tried to tell us we couldn't be here? That’s messed up!”
As if denying them a spot to fundraise was the worst thing that asshole had ever done.
Eddie sighed, breath blasting out of his mouth like a dragon’s.
“Because people think we’re freaks and satanists, Henderson. You don’t typically invite freaks and satanists to the school’s annual Holiday Bazaar. Especially not when all the local moms are paying to hawk their bullshit crafts and tupperware!”
It was more than that of course. The Hawkins High Holiday Bazaar was a tradition spanning several years now. Starting in the gym and spilling clear into the parking lot, everyone from local artists to even some local shops came to host a small table for the day, thus growing the event from a small school fundraiser to a Hawkins' “must-do.”
Half the fucking town was here to sell, and the other half was here to shop, which meant Principle Higgins had wanted Hellfire banned from the fucking premise.
Eddie had been forced to pull out one of his trump cards he’d been saving--blackmail on Higgins that related to the man’s not--so--legal addiction to Percocet that he relied on Reefer Rick for.
(And bless Rick, that hadn’t been the only tidbit he’d shared with Eddie about Higgins. That information, however, Eddie needed just so the asshat wouldn’t give him the boot from school entirely.)
The only reason Eddie had pulled it out to secure their rightful spot, was because of Gen Con.
It was Hellfire's White Whale, their grand adventure, and this was going to be his year to take his friends on one last epic quest to make memories of a lifetime surrounded by people who understood them.
Come hell or high water, Eddie was going to Gen Con--but being able to fundraise by selling wares and baked goods at the stupid Holiday Bazaar would go a long way to help.
Even if he had to listen to the band repeatedly play ear-bleeding renditions of Christmas songs.
“All the clubs get to have a table, and we’re a club!” Dustin continued, like it was that simple. “But you know, I get it. We look scary.”
He gestured down to his own Hellfire shirt, before gesturing towards Eddie’s entire outfit.
Like Eddie didn't know what he looked like, let alone that he'd made this outfit specifically to scare people away from him.
(And maybe add some rockstar flair to this dinky little hick town.)
“You know who doesn’t look scary?”
Dustin held out his hands and swiveled his body like he was presenting a prize instead of gesturing in the vague direction of;
“Steve!”
Eddie’s left eye twitched.
‘You can't kill him, you need his character for the campaign.’ He told himself firmly, even if he envisioned strangling Dustin like a chicken.
Cartoon squawking and all.
“The King isn’t going to help us fundraise, Dustin.” Eddie said, in an effort to break down why Harrington couldn't be here. “He's just going to cause us problems that we can’t afford to have.”
So many problems, half of which Eddie couldn't think of because if he did, he'd start spiraling.
“Really? Because as you keep saying, Steve used to be the King. People love him, Eddie! Mom’s love him.”
Eddie had pulled himself black up to his proper height a while ago, and now rocked back on his heels while he ran a hand down his face.
There was no getting through to Henderson when he was like this.
Not unless Eddie really lost it, and it was practically club lore that he only lost it when someone missed an important game.
One cannot keep a herd of sheep if their flock is terrified of them, after all.
(“Perhaps you’re just a giant fucking softie.” Tiff, one of Hellfire’s graduating members, told him once. “Honestly dude, I bet you throw up stuffing.”
“Shut up Tiffany, your choker is on backwards again.” He'd spat back, completely offended and not at all trying to distract from how true that was.)
“We can’t be satanic if Steve’s the one selling cookies!” Dustin finished doggedly.
“We’re not even selling cookies--that’s not the point!”” Eddie shook his head, hair flying. He was not going to be sidetracked, he wasn’t!
“Harrington is going to end up siding with all the moms about how we’re all wasting time with D&D, if he even spends the whole time at the table. Is that what you want?”
He stuck out a ringed finger, poking at Dustin’s chest.
“Every single person who comes by our table has to be convinced D&D is a writing and math based game. Good for the mind and souls of growing, impressionable children. A game that got a bad rep because of a few silly images.”
A pitch he and Tiff had come up with during the third or fourth time they had to convince an adult that no, just because their shirts had a dragon on it, didn’t mean they were summoning demons in the drama room.
“Harrington can’t do that because Harrington doesn’t even know how to play!”
This Eddie punctuated by throwing his hands in the air.
Given the startled look of the mother-daughter duo passing him by, clearly was louder than he’d intended--but screw it!
He was right!
Hellfire was in a precarious position to both fundraise and do a little damage control among the slightly smarter members of this shithole small town, and Harrington rolling his eyes and gossiping about how stupid it was would hinder that.
“Okay, first of all, Steve’s played D&D with me and he didn’t even kill his character.” Dustin said it like he was unveiling a smoking gun and not lying through his ass--which Eddie would absolutely be calling him on the second he was done talking.
Because King Steve? Play D&D?
'Ha!'
“And he’s not gonna say shit because we--me, and Lucas and even Mike!--asked him to help, and he helps when its serious. I know you have some weird grudge with him, but I’m telling you Eddie he’s our golden ticket to Gen Con!”
“You’re killing me. You are standing here, acting as a friend, when you are bringing a-- a dark force into the midst our of mission--” Eddie hissed, because he was losing the fucking fight and he knew it.
Dustin Henderson was not a man easily swayed.
Had never been, even when the odds were stacked against him (and Grant and Gareth were howling in his ear.)
The set of his shoulders and the glint of the little shithead’s eye meant Eddie wouldn’t be able to use him to oust Harrington--if he even could get him out without the dick causing a massive scene anyway.
As always when outgunned, Eddie flipped to dramatics.
“Betrayed! By my own chosen heir no less!” He moaned, pressing the back of his hand over his eyes as Dustin scoffed.
"Don’t be so dramatic! Steve will help, I promise! Just don’t be a dick to him.”
Conversation apparently over, Dustin turned around to head back to the table
Snidely, he added over his shoulder: “Plus we’ve all caught on to the heir thing Eddie. You tell everyone that so they do what you want.”
The dick.
“You’re too fucking smart for your own good. I’m gonna start feeding you paint chips to bring that IQ down.” Eddie muttered angrily as Dustin went back to their little table.
He gave himself a moment to get his shit together and stomp a foot like a child when Dustin was around the corner and thus couldn’t witness it, before following his wayward sheep back.
Could only pray to any deity listening that Henderson’s meddling didn’t blow up in Hellfire’s face.
#Door Prize#Alt S4#pre steddie#when is it not lmao#Holiday fic#well this is more of a warm up but it has another part#Ive just given up the WIPS are running my life#this is brought to you by a local high schools massive holiday bazaar I went too that had cute band kids running around#could not play music though bless them#I did FINALLY get re employed so things are slowing down but Im hoping to post one more chapter of SOMETHING before the end of dec#and probably the other half of this warm up shes short#steven harrington#eddie munson#baking#special appearance by Adopt a Jocks Tiff#Robin pops up in this in the other half#Dustin Henderson#and his scheming#Steve can bake#0o0 fanfics#stranger things#stranger things fanfic#steddie
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Could I request Lucifer finding out his s/o was once engaged but got divorced because her ex-fiancé cheated on her with another woman? The worst part? After finding out how much of a greedy, incompetent, and selfish woman his new wife is, her ex now wants to get back with her.
Lucifer x Reader - Running into an Ex
He usually didn’t like going up to the human world, but it seemed he was making exceptions for [Y/N] more & more. His will was weak when it came to their requests. Though he justified it by it only being fair for them to go on their dates ‘up top’ from time to time as they spent most of their time in the Devildom.
Plus with all the mischief, misadventures, and just plain in-fighting between him & his brothers, they could use a break.
They had just finished dinner at a restaurant almost as nice as Ristorante Six when someone called [Y/N]’s name out on the street like a common beggar. “I thought that was you. How have you been?”
“I’m…fine…” Lucifer could tell they were uncomfortable. Clearly this person was someone they knew but was not thrilled to run into. Sensing this would take a moment, Lucifer waved off the car waiting for them and told them to take another lap. “What are you doing here? I thought you moved.”
“Keeping tabs on me, eh?” His fake laugh was insufferable. “I uh…moved back with my wife last year. With the economy crash and everything, it was just better to stay back home.”
“Oh. Your mother didn’t mention it.”
“You still take to my mom? Well, I guess that makes sense. You two were always close. You look….great, by the way.”
“…thank you…”
The tension and conversation were getting tighter. To the point that Lucifer felt obligated to step in. “We should get going, [Y/N]. We don’t want to be late for our travels tomorrow.” He’s never wanted to return home immediately so much in his life, but he wouldn’t open a portal, or ruin [Y/N]’s trip, like that.
“Yes. We should go-“Wait [Y/N]. Can I…talk to you for a minute before you go? You don’t mind right, do you my guy?”
Lucifer glared at the man, but turned to [Y/N] who nodded and said it was alright. He nodded back and pressed his hand to the small of their back to let them know he was still there, but moved off to the side to give them space. Not that he couldn’t hear every word with his demon hearing.
“You really do look great by the way.”
“What do you want [X/N]? Shouldn’t you be home with your wife.”
“Gah…don’t say it like that…” The man scrubbed his face with the palm of his hand. Clearly a man defeated. “Look, I know now what I did to you was wrong. I shouldn’t have broken up with you, or our engagement. I just….had cold feet about the marriage thing.”
Lucifer was shocked. He didn’t know [Y/N] had been engaged. But, if what the man said was true, then he could see why they didn’t mention it to him. It sounded painful.
“You didn’t seem too un-keen on the idea when you jumped right in to marry the woman you cheated on me with.”
“Grass is always greener…” Lucifer sneered at the man’s second untimely joke. He then stepped closer to [Y/N]; raising Lucifer’s hackles. “I wanted to let you know I made a mistake. What I did…who I’m with now…it’s all wrong. I wanted to reach out to you but I could never get a hold of you since everyone said you were abroad or something.” Yes, or something. “When I ran into you now, I knew it was fate. Please. Give me another chance.”
[Y/N] wrenched their hand away from them but stood their ground. “You think I would give you another chance after what you did?! I can never trust you. Besides, you’re married now. What are you doing to get a divorce and jump into another marriage just like that? Out with the old in with the new? Oh, I’m sorry, out with the new in with the old.”
“Hey! I came to you and told you I made a mistake. That I’m unhappy and I want to try again. The least you can do is consider it!”
“ ‘Consider it’?? So I’m doing you the favor here. In case you missed it, along with you being married, I’m here with someone as well.”
“That guy?? He’s too posh for you. A guy like that is just using you probably for sex or arm candy. Make him look more down to Earth. Do you really want to be with someone so far out of your league that you just feel inferior all the time? You should be with someone on your level. Like me.”
“I can assure you sir, the levels [Y/N] would have to stoop to be on your level would require excavation equipment to access.”
The man seemed startled by Lucifer’s sudden reappearance in their conversation. Also likely from his looming figure. Not his demon form, but not his full human disguise either. The full weight of his anger and disgust at this insect talking to [Y/N] like that making him seem probably 10 feet tall to the man.
“Please cease this horrendous display of accosting people on the street who had the unfortune of knowing you and go home to your wife. You may have regretted your decision in a mate, but I have not. There’s no way in hell,” [Y/N] snorted once at that, “that I am going to let you talk to them this way or ruin our evening any further.”
As if summoned by his magic, the car pulled up again beside them and Lucifer opened the door. “Come my love. We have no longer a need to be here anymore.” [Y/N] slide in and he closed the door, before turning to face the man again. “And should you ever be stupid enough to contact [Y/N] again with these ridiculous notions and your own inflated ego, I will personally see to it that you are torn limb from limb by wild dogs by the time I’m through with you.” His eyes flashed red once. Obviously startling the man who almost fell into the street before he rounded the car and got in on the other side.
“I’m sorry I never mentioned him before.” [Y/N] apologized as they drove off.
Lucifer shrugged. “Having met him, he doesn’t seem like a man worth mentioning.” He reached out his hand and clasped it with their own. Such a horrible person would not ruin their evening. And he would see to it that [Y/N] never thought of them again, as he would do everything in his power to make sure they felt love and adored. Second to no one.
#;ask and ye shall receive (request answers)#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me scenarios#obey me imagines#obey me lucifer#lucifer#lucifer x reader#obey me lucifer x reader#obey me x reader#scenarios#imagine
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'Erotic misadventures'
Hello, I wrote this for an April Fools challenge, and now it is your problem.
Challenge terms:
The challenge is simple - write something spicy that uses the worst possible terms for body parts, sex acts, and so on!
AO3 link
So I've always had this headcanon that Tav and Astarion perform readings of really bad erotica for the group at camp. This is a depiction of one such evening.
All origin characters.
18+, humor, banter. Is this actually smut? I don't know. I hope not.
Content warnings: ...Yes.
Approx. 1,800 words
It was, without a shadow of a doubt, the best piece of fiction they’d ever come across.
Meticulously handwritten in a tidy script, the text filled a sizeable journal. “Her Highness’s Erotic Misadventures” read the title. “Thank you for beta reading, Harpy Quinn”, it said at the bottom of the title page, whatever that meant.
Despite both of them having a professional interest in lewd literature, neither Astarion nor Tav had ever come across this piece before - they doubted it had ever been published. They doubted it could ever be published, for that matter. However, it must have gone through many hands privately - on flipping through the journal it was discovered that the end contained a multitude of little gushing reviews in other people’s writing.
The author must have been one strange individual, with even weirder friends. How embarrassing.
The gang had called it a day and were gathered around the campfire. Astarion and Tav had been taking turns reading from the manuscript, to their companions’ amusement (and, in Gale’s case, vexation).
Despite being seasoned experts in the genre, Wyll and Shadowheart were visibly perturbed (albeit also intrigued) by the piece. Karlach hung on to every word, and even Lae’zel had stopped tending to her weapons to listen to the strange tale spun by the anonymous author. Volo, whose unwarranted presence continued to be tolerated, although no one could quite pinpoint why, was silent, furiously scribbling notes in his own journal. And as for Gale, well…
“This is deplorable,” said Gale, weary disappointment and disdain in his voice. “The only reason I am still here is because none of you can be trusted with the pot.”
Astarion ignored him and continued to pace around the fire, reading aloud from the journal.
As the title suggested, the story depicted a series of obscene misfortunes which had befallen a hapless princess and her loyal knight. After several chapters of delving into the princess’s tragic and salacious backstory in (frankly bewildering) detail, the narrative had at last moved forward to a scene in which the princess’s knight came to her rescue after she had been kidnapped and taken away to a cave by a dragon. The knight faced the said dragon (who had then taken a dragonborn form for some reason) and its two harpy henchwomen.
“‘Its weak spot is its bussy’, the princess cried out from the cave,” read Astarion. “What in the hells is a ‘bussy’..?” he asked, lifting his head to seek counsel from his companions.
Everyone around the fire just shook their heads, equally perplexed.
“Hmm… Well, it seems our hero doesn’t know that word either...” Astarion continued reading.
“‘Puzzled, the paladin took a shot in the dark, cramming her manhood-’ Wait, what? I could have sworn...” Astarion shuffled through the pages. “…Oh she’s got both sets. How convenient… Anyway. …‘Cramming her manhood into the dragonborn’s meatgrinder’.” Astarion frowned again, sitting down next to Karlach.
“Is the ‘meatgrinder’ the dragonborn’s mouth, or..?” asked Shadowheart.
“I… think so? There’s not many contextual clues here, it just says that the ‘meatgrinder swirled around her pork sword, stunning her and nearly making her forsake her oath of propriety’.”
“Well keep going, we’ll figure it out,” Karlach said, impatiently.
“The two harpies swarmed the stunned paladin. A hand deftly shed the paladin’s breastplate, exposing her pearls, whilst another grabbed her by the neck, clawed fingers shredding the remnants of her clothing, as two hands groped and teased her milkbags. She felt a hand creep up the back of her thigh while another hand pulled on her hair, as another crept to her moistening oyster-” Astarion stopped, with an exasperated sigh. “How many hands do these bloody things have?! I’m losing focus.”
“And the mention of pearls…” Wyll said, thoughtfully. “It’s peculiar, you would think a pearl would be inside the… never mind”.
“Shadowheart, could you and Tav assist us with a visual, perchance,” asked Astarion. “I can’t be the only one who can’t keep track.”
“Perhaps I could also be of assis-” started Wyll.
“Perhaps you could sit right back down,” Astarion warned with a glower. “I'll step in if needed. Where was I..? Ah yes, the err… the milkbags. So there’s definitely two hands there.”
Both Tav and Shadowheart giggled as Shadowheart stood to join Tav by the fire and reached around Tav to lightly place her hands over the other woman’s breasts.
“Nice,” said Karlach.
“The harpy pinched her pearls, and pulled her into a deep, ravishing kiss,” Astarion read, looking up expectantly at Tav and Shadowheart.
“Uh… That is not in the book, soldier,” said Karlach, reading over Astarion’s shoulder.
“Spoilsport,” muttered Astarion. “I was just trying to set the mood before moving forward - the author’s pace is almost too relentless even for me. But fine.”
Astarion cleared his throat and continued.
“Then one of the harpies used her hands to pry open the paladin’s clam.” He looked up again. “Well come on, Shadowheart, pry open Tav’s clam.”
Shadowheart simply laughed and returned to her spot across the fire.
“If you’re not sure how - we could show you later tonight, if you like,” Astarion called out after her.
“I’m sure I could give you some pointers on dealing with clams, Astarion,” retorted Shadowheart.
“Is that so..?” he purred. “Interesting… What about you, Karlach, are you adept with clams?”
“You know I haven’t had any clams in a decade, fangs!” Karlach groaned. “But before that… They used to just fling themselves at me, already opened, yeah.”
“Fascinating. Lae’zel?”
“There are a number of women who have survived bedding me,” the githyanki responded, deadpan.
“I am… in equal parts concerned and aroused at the thought,” Astarion mulled over her words.
“I wish anyone could survive bedding me,” grumbled Karlach.
“There there, darling…” Astarion reached out to carefully pat her on a horn. “Now we all know Gale doesn’t know the first thing about clams…”
“I’ll have you know, in my ethereal relations with my goddess, our connection was so profound that not only have I experienced her ‘clam’, I have interconnected with it on such a sublime and intimate level, been woven so deeply into it to myself have become part of the clam.”
Gale’s outburst failed to have the effect he had desired, as the group struggled to contain themselves, wheezing and huffing for air.
“Thank you, Gale, I don’t believe I’ll be able to get that image out of my mind anytime soon,” Astarion continued, trying to maintain his composure. “Wyll..? How fare you with prying clams open?”
“Well…” The warlock began, with a smile. “I find, that the best way to go about it is to allow the clam to open of its own accord, from heat. From it getting sufficiently… steamy, if I may. I would never simply invade one with my blade.”
Astarion was about to say something but just chortled instead.
“Wyll, you rapscallion, every time I think I have you figured out-”
“What happens next with the harpies?” Came an impatient call from Lae’zel.
“Yes, give me that, you’re taking too long,” said Tav, snatching the journal back from Astarion. She continued to pace around the fire as she recited:
“The dragonborn stood before the browbeaten paladin, reveling in her anguish. Even had the harpies not had a firm grasp on the paladin and her unmentionables, she would not have known how to approach the dragonborn – the loathsome creature was covered in impenetrable scales. Its mouth sported rows upon rows of sharp teeth – the only reason it allowed the paladin’s mutton machete out unscathed must have been because it had worse yet torments in mind for it.
The creature turned its back on the paladin, to roar tauntingly at the princess somewhere in the cave.
‘Behold, as I turn your valiant saviour into naught but a pathetic cumdumpster!’
As it turned its back, the paladin glimpsed a narrow, pink orifice beneath its tail.”
Karlach and Wyll gasped in unison.
“The bussy!” Lae’zel hissed in a hushed whisper.
“The paladin drew on the last of her divine power to throw the harpies off, smiting them unconscious, and plunged her hand into the dragonborn’s puckered hole.”
“I am going to be sick,” moaned Gale.
“The dragonborn cackled and flexed their beef ring, tightening its grasp on the paladin’s hand. The paladin reeled in horror, as the dragonborn’s poop chute seemed to suck the paladin’s hand further in, like fleshy quicksand, whilst threatening to snap her wrist.”
A tear of anguish slid down Gale’s cheek.
“It cannot be! Was the bussy a trap?!” came an outcry from Lae’zel.
“No! It could not end this way. Her entire life and all her training had been preparing her for this,” Tav read. “What in the hells, really?” she muttered, before continuing. “In that moment, she knew that the only way out - was through. The paladin took a deep breath and PLUNGED her arm deeper into the dragonborn’s vile cavity,” Tav exclaimed, throwing her own fist in the the air, to the sound of Astarion’s uncontrollable giggling and everyone else’s gasps.
“The dragonborn yelped and tried to expel the paladin’s arm from their pulsating dirtbox, to no avail. The paladin was now elbow deep in the mud dungeon. The two continued to wrestle, the paladin’s arm pumping deeper and deeper into the dragonborn’s dank portal.”
“I fear I may need to tap out soon,” warned Wyll.
“Weakling!” Lae’zel and Shadowheart said in unison, before glaring at one another.
No one, including Karlach herself, could tell whether she was laughing or crying.
“At last, the dragonborn seemed to accept its fate, quivering and taking the paladin’s arm nearly shoulder-deep. The creature grunted and groaned, before stilling, only to unleash an earth-shaking roar, finally forcefully expunging the paladin’s arm in a spray of gooey, milky spunk, as it collapsed on the ground, convulsing, clearly too incapacitated to be of any further threat.”
“Supper is ready,” wept Gale.
“Shall I take over while you eat?” Astarion asked, to Gale’s immediate renewed protestation.
“That’s alright, I think we should take some mercy on Gale and pause here for the day,” said Tav. “Although let me peek ahead, perhaps it’s tame enough.” She took the journal and flipped forward a few pages. “Oh my…” came a surprised murmur from Tav. “You’ll never guess what happens to the princess and her knight… This may be a problem if we want to continue to visualise this masterpiece properly.”
“Oh? Dare I ask..?” Astarion was giddy with anticipation.
“Well… There are now… Five… Six… No, seven! Seven dwarves, who have appeared in the cave.”
“Goodness gracious,” lamented Astarion. “We will never keep track of all the body parts… Perhaps if Withers steps in to help..? Would you prefer to be the princess or the knight, darling? You can choose, I’ll take the other role.”
“I am going to use that journal for kindling tomorrow,” said Gale.
“NO!” came a collective shout from the rest of the group.
~~~~~
Sorry about the psychic damage, come check out my other work if you dare.
~~~~~
Tagging the usual plus some people who I think might also be doing / were interested in this:
@littleenglishfangirl @something-pithy @darlingxdragon @tallymonster @tragedybunny @spunky-89 @acourtofpenandpaper @yoonshope @lariatbunny @whiskeyskin @spacebarbarianweird @brabblesblog @littlejuicebox @icybluepenguin @snowfolly @pursuitseternal @comatosebunny09 @kittenintheden @bardic-inspo @tavyliasin
#BG3AprilFoolishness#bg3#bg3 fanfiction#fanfic challenge#april fools#writing challenge#baldur's gate 3#comedy smut#astarion#tav#karlach#gale#shadowheart#lae'zel#wyll#smut
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The Beast Wants to Tempt the Little Rabbit (Matias vs Clavis)
Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors and inaccuracies. Not proofread.
Clavis: "Haha, found you. So this is where you work."
Emma: "Prince Clavis!?"
After completing my duty as a belle, I returned to my peaceful life, but then Clavis appeared out of nowhere, causing me to drop the book I was reading on the counter.
Clavis: "That reaction. You missed me that much, huh? Then feel free to leap into my arms."
Emma: "I'll pass. Anyway, who's that gentleman next to you?"
Standing right behind Clavis was a man I didn't recognize. Despite his rugged appearance and equally imposing presence as Clavis, he had an impeccable posture and charisma that naturally drew attention.
Matias: "Pardon me. I'm Matias Asbrink, a friend of Clavis. Nice to meet you."
Emma: "Nice to meet you. I'm Emma."
Matias: "Are you also a friend of Clavis?"
Emma: "Um, no, we're just acquaintances."
Clavis: "How can you say that? You and I have been through so much together."
Matias: "Is that so?"
Emma: "You're right. We experienced all sorts of things together. You convinced me to be your partner in crime for all your mischief-making and even dragged me all over the palace."
Matias: "I see."
Emma: "So, why are you here, Prince Clavis?"
Having endured countless misadventures thanks to Clavis during my time at the palace, I couldn't help but be cautious.
Clavis: "That's because I've appointed you as our tour guide!"
Emma: “Tour guide?”
(What's that supposed to mean?)
Clavis smiled and placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder.
Clavis: “You see, Matias here is the prince of Acroite, the land of snow and law.”
Emma: “Prince!?”
Clavis: “It’s only natural to entertain the honored guest, so I thought of organizing a Rhodolite tour.”
Clavis: “Emma, you’ve been living in this city since you were born.”
Clavis: “That means you know more about this place than I do.”
(Well, I might have a bit of confidence in that.)
Clavis: “Therefore, I’d like you to assist with the tour.”
Clavis: “And having a woman around like Matias would add to the charm, don’t you think?”
Matias: “She seems to be a bookstore clerk. Aren't we bothering her?”
(He seems surprisingly reasonable for someone who’s Clavis’s friend.)
I know firsthand that nothing good comes from being involved with Clavis, but if I refuse now, it might inconvenience Prince Matias.
(Yeah, there’s no way I can just ignore it.)
Emma: “Owner! Did you hear our conversation?”
The owner peeked out from the back of the shop.
Akatsuki: “No problem. Be careful out there.”
Emma: “Thank you very much.”
Clavis: "Haha, I knew you'd definitely help."
Matias: "I'm sorry if it feels like we're forcing you, but thank you, Miss Emma."
Emma: "No, it’s fine. I'll do my best to make you enjoy Rhodolite."
(I need to keep a close eye on Clavis to make sure he doesn't go off the rails.)
Most of the time, the words peace and safety escaped me when I was with Clavis.
Unfortunately, this time, too, it seemed to have already escaped me.
Emma: "Um, Prince Clavis."
Clavis: "What's up? Are you impressed by my thoroughness?"
Emma: "No, I was just wondering why there's a white horse here."
As we exited the bookstore, I saw a quiet and wise-looking white horse tethered nearby.
While it wouldn't be unusual for a means of transportation to be there, the fact that there was only one raised some questions.
(It doesn't look like they rode together.)
Matias: "It's a magnificent horse. Is it a warhorse?"
(Prince Matias seems surprised as well.)
Clavis: "Yes, he's Chevalier's partner. But today, he's your companion, Matias."
Matias: "What do you mean?"
Clavis: "You'll be riding this horse to get around from now on."
Matias: "And what about you and Miss Emma?"
Clavis: "We have important tasks to attend to."
Flashing his brightest smile, he signaled to Cyril, and he reluctantly brought over two baskets.
Upon seeing what was inside, I tilted my head in confusion.
Emma: "Rose petals?"
Clavis: "Yup, you'll be in charge of the rose petals with me."
Emma: "Prince Clavis, what the hell are you planning?"
Clavis: "I'm glad you asked."
With a lively expression, Clavis took out a red sash worn by princes during ceremonies.
Noticing the unusually placed sash before me, I couldn't help but groan.
Emma: "I understand."
Emma: "Prince Matias, let's run away."
Matias: "Are you suggesting that we elope?"
Emma: “Elope?”
(Why are his eyes so serious?)
Clavis: "Haha! Hold on a second, Emma. You seem to be misunderstanding something."
Emma: “I'm not misunderstanding anything. I've seen through all your plans.”
Emma: "You're going to put that sash that says 'today's star of the show' on Prince Matias and have him march through the streets on horseback, aren't you?"
Clavis: "My goodness."
Clavis: "I knew you were brilliant, but I never expected you to be this perceptive!"
Emma: "Let's run, Prince Matias!"
Matias: "And then, we'll find an eternal paradise where no one else can enter."
Emma: "Prince Matias?"
Matias: "Ah, sorry. I was lost in thought."
(Did I hear him say something weird just now, or am I imagining things?)
Clavis: "Matias, here, take this."
Emma: "Ah!"
We were unable to escape in time; Clavis had already handed him the sash.
Matias: “Rhodolite has an unusual way of sightseeing.”
Clavis: “You’re a special guest, so you need to be welcomed not only by me and Emma but by the town citizens as well.”
(Yeah, it’s over.)
Clavis: "People, behold! Make way for our distinguished guest!"
In the end, there was no way a girl like me could stop Clavis, so I reluctantly scattered the petals and followed along as Matias, riding on a white horse, moved forward.
Woman: "What is Prince Clavis up to this time?"
Man: "He's a distinguished guest, apparently. I'm not quite sure what's happening, but maybe we should just go along with it?"
Being used to Clavis' antics, the people of Rhodolite quickly adapted to the situation.
Every time Matias passed by, people applauded and cheered. Before we knew it, we had become the center of attention.
Matias: "This also requires a strong spirit."
Emma: "Prince Matias, if it's uncomfortable for you, I can stop..."
Matias: "No, it's fine. If this is Rhodolite's way of welcoming guests, then so be it."
Matias: "By the 62nd precept of the Asbrink family motto, let us proceed."
(What's with that motto? "Accept the kindness of others," or something like that?)
Making up his mind, Prince Matias waved to the cheering crowd and made the surroundings even livelier.
Woman: "He's quite charming, isn't he?"
Woman: "Yeah. But goodness, his overwhelming charisma is almost suffocating."
(It looks like Prince Matias is especially popular among women.)
(Well, I can understand why. He's so handsome and has tremendous sex appeal.)
Woman: "If only Prince Clavis would stay silent and just be a feast for the eyes."
Woman: "Yeah, he's handsome, but only on the surface."
(Clavis is getting quite the remarks.)
Clavis: "Hm."
Clavis: "This is rather unsatisfactory."
Part 2 ╎ Matias End ╎ Epilogue
#ikemen prince#ikepri#ikepri clavis#ikepri matias#clavis lelouch#ikepri jp#ikepri translations#cybird#matias asbrink
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Bathroom Incident
pairings: pierre gasly x sister!reader / daniel ricciardo x gasly!reader / max verstappen x gasly!reader / charles leclerc x gasly!reader / yuki tsunoda x gasly!reader / lando norris x gasly!reader
warnings: Y/N getting stuck in the bathroom, pierre being a heroic brother, the 2022 grid, a somewhat chaotic and funny visit.
authors note: I LOVE writing in this style!
word count: 746
It was a big day for Pierre Gasly and his sister Y/N, as they were both heading to the quali day at the Alpha Tauri team's garage. Y/N was a big fan of her brother's racing career and often accompanied him to various races around the world. She was excited to see him in action and cheer him on from the sidelines.
As they arrived at the garage, Y/N decided to use the bathroom before the qualifying session started. However, as she entered the bathroom, the door got stuck and she couldn't get out. She tried pushing and pulling the door, but it wouldn't budge.
Panic set in as Y/N realized she was trapped in the bathroom. She started banging on the door and shouting for help, hoping someone would hear her. The noise caught the attention of some of the drivers, including Max Verstappen and Daniel Ricciardo, who were passing by.
"What's going on in there?" Max asked, peering through the door.
"I'm stuck! The door won't open!" Y/N yelled, her voice echoing off the walls.
Daniel joined Max in trying to pry the door open, but their efforts were in vain. Meanwhile, Y/N's screams grew louder and more frantic.
As the commotion continued, other team members started gathering around the bathroom, trying to figure out what was going on. Some of them couldn't resist laughing at the chaotic scene.
Pierre, who was getting ready for the quali, heard the commotion and rushed to the bathroom. He recognized his sister's voice and knew he had to help her.
"Pierre! Get me out of here!" Y/N cried out.
Pierre tried pushing the door open, but it was no use. He knew he had to take matters into his own hands.
"Stand back, everyone!" Pierre yelled, before charging towards the door and kicking it open with a mighty blow.
The door flew open, and Y/N stumbled out, relieved to be free at last. She threw her arms around Pierre and hugged him tightly, grateful for his heroic rescue.
The incident became the talk of the team, with many of the members teasing Y/N about her misadventure. But despite the embarrassment, Y/N couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all.
"Next time, I'm sticking with you, Pierre," she joked. "At least I know you'll never leave me stranded in a bathroom! Now, let's go kick some racing butt!"
Pierre chuckled at Y/N's comment, happy to see her in good spirits again. He knew that his sister was a big support for him during races, and her positive energy always gave him an extra boost.
"Alright, let's do this!" Pierre replied, slapping Y/N on the back as they made their way to the pit. He was feeling confident about his chances in the qualifying race, and he was eager to show off his skills on the track.
After the qualifying session, Pierre Gasly made his way over to the group of journalists gathered in the paddock. As he approached, several of them turned to him with eager expressions, hoping to get a quote or two for their articles.
"Hey guys, how's it going?" Pierre greeted them, a friendly smile on his face.
One journalist quickly jumped in with a question. "So Pierre, we heard about your sister getting stuck in the bathroom earlier. What happened?"
Pierre Gasly couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, it definitely wasn't the highlight of our day," he said with a grin. "Y/N always manages to find herself in the most hilarious situations. But in all seriousness, I'm just glad she's okay." Pierre couldn't help but laugh.
Y/N was walking through the paddock with some of her close friends who were also formula 1 drivers.
"Hey Y/N, heard you got stuck in the bathroom earlier," Charles teased, grinning mischievously.
Y/N rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile at the memory. "Yeah, thanks to that faulty door."
“Did you find the secret pit stop in there?" Yuki joked, earning a chuckle from the others.
Y/N rolled her eyes but couldn't help but laugh. "Very funny, Yuki. You should try being stuck in a tiny bathroom for 30 minutes and see how you like it!" she retorted playfully.
Lando joined in, poking fun at Y/N. "I can't believe you got yourself trapped in there. What were you doing, practicing your escape artist routine?"
Y/N laughed, knowing that she had become the butt of their jokes. "Hey, at least I know how to make an entrance!"
#f1 fic#f1 fics#f1 x reader#f1 x y/n#formula 1 x reader#charles leclerc x oc#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc x female reader#charles leclerc x you#fanfic#pierre gasly#pierre gasly x you#pierre gasly x y/n#pierre gasly x reader#pierre gasly x oc#lando norris x y/n#lando norris x oc#lando norris x reader#lando norris#yuki tsunoda#yuki tsunoda x reader#yuki tsunoda x oc#max verstappen x oc#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen#daniel ricciardo x oc#daniel ricciardo x you#daniel ricciardo x reader#daniel ricciardo
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"Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whose misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend"
- Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare
(I picture Ice as Juliet and Mav as Romeo)
#icemav#icemav fic#iceman x maverick#tom iceman kazansky#iceman#pete maverick mitchell#pete mitchell#maverick#top gun#top gun 1986#top gun au#top gun moodboard
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Have you ever wondered what misadventures the Science Team have gotten up to before the Resonance Cascade? Wonder no more! It's time to go back to the past and say hello to our favourite scientists in a whole new way!
This is a story-driven ask blog that alternates between sprite-based dialogue and story art.
Read from the beginning here!
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Misadventures of the MCs #06
Taking the Besties home pt3: TWST!Yuu
TWST!Yuu: Make yourself at home I guess.
LTD!MC: ...Is- is this building even safe to live in?...
TWST!Yuu: For now, kinda. Ramshackle's in better conditions compared to when I first moved in.
OB!MC: I mean at least it's cosy. Reminds me of Purgatory Hall before we cleaned that place up.
MM!MC: But Purgatory Hall wasn't anywhere close to collapsing. The wooden structure of the house looks really old and eaten in. Even if it looks nice it's still in danger of falling in on itself.
TWST!Yuu: Hey! I put a lot of effort to get it like this!
WHB!MC: That's our point. It shouldn't be your responsibility to fix up Ramshackle. Who put you here?
TWST!Yuu: Crowley.
WHB!MC: Cool, where is he? *casually cracks knuckles*
TWST!Yuu: Off on holiday. Again.
LTD!MC: Isn't he the headmaster?
TWST!Yuu: Only in title, I get all his work.
MCs: ... *silently plans a murder*
TWST!Yuu: Don't kill him yet I need him as plot device-
Grim: Nehehehe! More henchmen! I don't know their names, I don't want to know their names! They are:
MM!MC: Henchmen #3!
LTD!MC: Henchmen #5!
OB!MC: Henchmen #4!
WHB!MC: Henchmen #2!
TWST!Yuu: ... I'm Henchmen #1, obvi.
Everyone: ...
MM!MC: Aaahhhhhhh!~ He's ADORABLE!~ *hugs onto Grim and wouldn't let go*
Grim: NYAAAAAA! Let go of me Henchmen #3!
#twst#twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst yuu#twst grim#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me mc#obey me nightbringer#whb#what in hell is bad#prettybusy what in “hell” is bad?#what in hell is bad mc#whb mc#ltd#lovetodo#lovetodo mc#mystic messenger#mystic messenger mc
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OKK i thought of one
I was thinking a gojo fic for a change and reader is a new teacher at the school so he kinda shows her everything but the whole time he's being super flirty and stuff. YKWIM😭😭
Also second person (you/your)🧍🏾♀️I physically cannot read it any other way.
THANK UU BBY LOVE U LOADS😋
GURLLLLLL I LOVEEE THAT REQUEST AND SORRY IT TOOK AGES IVE BEEN SO BUSY....
LOVE YOU MORE BB 🥰🥰🥰
i hope you enjoy!!! (icl I'm half asleep)
Gojo Satoru ☆ The Ropes
Gojo x Fem!Reader
Genre: ☁️
Word Count: 1014
Trigger Warnings ⚠️
synopsis: in which, our favourite flirtatious gojo satoru shows the newbie (you) around!!
Second Person POV
The morning sun spilled through the windows of what would be your new classroom, casting a warm glow on the empty desks arranged neatly in rows. Today marked the beginning of your journey as a teacher at Tokyo Jujutsu High, and you couldn't wait to dive into the world of sorcery and education.
You has been born into a family of sorcerers and it had been your lifelong dream to teach and help influence younger students to pursue a life of sorcery. When you saw job positions released for Tokyo Jujutsu High, you couldn't help but immediately apply...especially when the famous Satoru Gojo was known to be a teacher there.
You saw Gojo as a role model, someone you wanted to impress....to live up to....
Just as you were organizing your lesson plans and looking at student profiles, the door swung open with a flourish, visibly shocking you as you let out a yelp, and in strolled Satoru Gojo, the infamous and irresistibly charismatic jujutsu sorcerer.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Gojo's voice rang out, his signature smirk evident even though his eyes were hidden behind his ever-present blindfold.
You couldn't help but feel a mix of excitement and nervousness at his sudden appearance. "Oh! Uhhh...Good morning, Gojo-sensei," you greeted, trying to maintain your composure, being slightly astounded as to how handsome and undeniably attractive he was.
"Ah, you must be the new teacher, Y/N!! You certainly are a sight for sore eyes....I've been waiting to meet you," Gojo exclaimed, his enthusiasm infectious as he sauntered over to you. "I'm here to show you the ropes, teach you the tricks, and maybe sprinkle in a little bit of charm along the way."
Your face flushed red as he placed a hand on your shoulder, putting you in close proximity considering you just met along with the extremely obvious flirting.
And so, your day began with THE Satoru Gojo as your guide, leading you through the labyrinth halls of the school and introducing you to the eccentric staff members.
It was rather shocking to you that not a single teacher had one good word to put in for Gojo no matter how much he begged.
Nanami encounter
"Gojo is indeed powerful....but I have no respect for him." Nanami stated folding his arms ignoring Gojo's presence.
"Oh...um-" you weren't sure what to say at all and whilst you were thinking about what to say, you have been dragged away by Gojo.
As you navigated the bustling corridors, Gojo regaled you with stories of his own misadventures during his time as a student, each tale more outrageous than the last. You couldn't help but laugh at his antics, feeling yourself relax in his presence despite the weight of your new responsibilities.
"Well Y/N, I've said enough about myself and my duties...what made a beautiful lady like you want to become a jujutsu sorcerer?" Gojo turned to look down at you as your eyes widened at his unexpected question.
You blushed at his compliment as you answered looking at him, "Well, I've always believed that being a sorcerer is so fun, and that we need to protect all of those who can't protect themselves...and being able to do that gived me a feeling that I can't describe."
You looked up to the sunset thinking about what you said as Gojo stayed silent looking into the distance. It was the first time foe the whole of the day that you had seen him so...quiet...
After a few more seconds of silence you heard his voice.
"I like that Y/N." he turned to you smiling as you turned back smiling at him too.
"Teaching at Tokyo Jujutsu High isn't just about imparting knowledge," Gojo explained as he demonstrated a particularly intricate spell. "It's about embracing the chaos, rolling with the punches, and maybe even pulling off a few flashy moves to keep the students on their toes."
You chuckled as the Gojo you had grown accustomed to had come back.
Throughout the day, Gojo's flirtatious remarks and playful teasing kept you on your toes, each interaction leaving you both flustered and entertained. But beneath his charming facade, you could sense a genuine desire to see you succeed in your new role, which made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
As the sun began to set and the day drew to a close, Gojo walked you to the school gates, his presence as electrifying as ever.
"Well, Y/N, it looks like our adventure together has come to an end," Gojo said with a dramatic flourish, his hand brushing against yours as he leaned in close. "But remember, if you ever need guidance, advice, or just someone to banter with, I'll be here, ready to lend a helping hand. Here is my number if you need anything."
With a wink and a smile, he disappeared into the shadows, leaving you with a renewed sense of confidence and a newfound appreciation for the magic of teaching at Tokyo Jujutsu High. And as you watched him go, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the unexpected mentorship of Satoru Gojo, the enigmatic jujutsu sorcerer with a heart of gold.
You look at the pice of paper he gave with his 'number' on it only to see not only his number but a little message saying.
'....and to go on a little date too... ;)'
lil extra!!
It had been a month or so since you started working at the school and it had also been a month since you were dating Gojo....and life never did have a dull moment....
"What do you see in that man. I thought I warned you."
You and Nanami were in the staffroom alone as you waited for Gojo to take you out on a date.
"Nanami....he isn't that bad you see he always buys me-"
Just as you were about to finish your sentence, Gojo burst in shouting.
"SWEETS!!" you smiled as he finished you sentence without knowing handing you your favourite sweets happily.
"See Nanami, that's why I love him "
dayum um tired as hell, will edit letter....I hope you enjoyed especially my favour gorgeous gal 💜💜😍💜💜😍💜💜
#anime#anime fluff#anime x reader#fyp#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jjk gojo#gojo satoru#jujutsu kaisen#gojo fluff#gojo x reader#jujutsu gojo#satoru gojo#jjk satoru#gojou satoru x reader#satorugojo#jujutsu sorcerer#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujustu kaisen
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on your side
pairing: leona x gn!reader
cw: alcohol
summary: leona reckoned that bringing you home for the holiday was not the best idea, especially when you started rambling on about how amiable his brother was.
note: some good ol’ hurt/comfort for my favorite lion
Leona, head in his hand, silently regretted having brought you home for the two-week break.
To be fair, he never would’ve approved it, let alone suggested it. But the only alternative you had was to stay at one of Rook’s villas, and that peeved Leona in more ways than he cared to admit.
Mostly he worried that you wouldn’t get along with his family (because he never could), while a smaller part was concerned that you would be scared off by their… forcefulness.
All of that went out of the window as he sat across you at the dinner table, waiting for the moment his patience snapped so that he could drag your ass back to his room. It only took one day for you to get chummy with Farena and his wife, while Cheka had long been planning your wedding.
Well, that’s not surprising. You managed to sneak your way into his heart after all, so it should really be within expectation that you managed to steal theirs.
What was surprising though, was that Farena would take so much of a liking to you that he busted out one of the best (and strongest) fruit wines from the cellar after dinner. What was more surprising was that you accepted.
So now he was watching his brother and his wife struggle with the most basic of human abilities, speech, while you babbled on about your misadventures in NRC, your sobriety thrown out of the window.
“And then the chandelier fell-” You hiccuped. “-fell on Ace, and stirred up a whole dust storm in the canteen!”
Farena inhaled loudly through his mouth before chortling. All his royal burdens, which were normally so indivisible from him, seemed to have vanished in his drunkenness, though Leona reckoned that he never had many to begin with.
The heavy door was pushed open, and Cheka poked his disheveled head in. “Oji-tan! Here you are! Can you tuck me to bed?”
Leona groaned and turned away in his seat, vaguely gesturing at the inebriated couple. “No. Ask your parents.”
“Ah, dar…darling,” Farena spotted his doe-eyed son and tapped his wife, attempting to rouse her from her haze, and made a series of incomprehensible hand gestures. Then he nodded and stood upright, swaying a little as he walked towards Cheka with open arms.
“It’s a pity, my dear,” she clasped her hand atop yours, face still raw from all the laughing. “But we should call it a day. Let’s talk- talk more tomorrow, ‘kay?”
“That sounds amazing, your majesty!” You saluted, earning an unbecoming snort from the queen.
“And you, Leona, escort our lovely guest to their room, ‘kay?”
Leona hummed half-heartedly.
The family proceeded to trudge out of the dining room, leaving only him, you, and a few guards inside. After a beat, he started, “Had fun?”
“Oh, so much fun.” You giggled and reached for the bottle of wine. He snatched it out of your reach in a flash.
“Hell no. We’re leaving.” He walked around the table and grabbed your elbow, hoisting you up.
“Ugh, the floor is melting…” you muttered before tripping over your own feet. If it weren’t for his iron grip, you would’ve face-planted onto the hard floor.
Soon as you regained your footing, you threw your arms around his neck, “Pleaze carry me.”
He clicked his tongue and pushed a few stray strands out of your face. “No.”
“Pleaseee?” You smushed your cheek against his shoulder, your hold around him loosening as a telltale sign of falling asleep. The tips of your ears were tinted red by the wine, and your body felt like hot iron against his.
The next thing he knew, he was cradling you in his arms as he paced the long corridors of the palace. Outside, Sunset Savannah was but a shadow against the night sky. It wasn’t totally dark, but a deep blue canvas with large and small stars embedded across it. The world out there had an unfathomable vastness, ever-expanding, never-ending. But right now, all Leona could focus on was your short breaths and attempts to snuggle even deeper into his embrace.
“Stop wriggling,” he said.
“You’re so mean…” you murmured, letting your arm fall limply to your side.
“This is what you signed up for.”
“Yea, I know."
He turned a few corners and finally got to his room. It was many times bigger than what he had back at NRC, but the space had always been suffocating. With your presence though, it felt a little more pleasant.
Just a little.
“Drink up.” He nudged your feet that were dangling off the side of the bed, offering a glass of cool water. You emptied it in no time.
“Your brother…” you said after leaning back onto the bed, now sounding less like there were sandpapers in your throat. “He’s nicer than I imagined.”
“Yeah?” He replied curtly, shrugging off his top layers so he could get cozy for bed. He had his back to you, but the flutter of his ears indicated that he was listening.
“Mhm. From what you told me, I expected him to be big and scary and unforgiving…” you slurred.
He couldn’t recall what exactly it was that he’d told you, but it must’ve been nothing good. Across the room, you fumbled with the collar of your shirt, trying to get some air. Agitation grew the more he watched. Eventually, he clicked his tongue and helped you release a few buttons.
“But he’s so nice! I mean, he’s a king and all that, but he’s also… not? I dunno. He’s really warm . It’s not awkward talking to him at all,” you grabbed his arm, as if remembering something. Your eyes were almost twinkling from your enthusiasm, and his hand working on your shirt faltered for a split second. “Oh, and he’s bright, y’know what I mean?”
Leona didn’t answer. Of course he knew, he’d been hearing those words since he was born. What a radiant and exuberant boy! He’s sure to lead the country to a great future. All the while he would conceal himself in the shadows, listening in on those ignorant people’s exchanges.
It was only when he opened his mouth to speak that he realized how clenched his jaw was. A sense of unease had crept up on him, and your wobbly voice complimenting all of Farena's virtues swam in his head. No words came, or more precisely, no words that weren’t venomous.
Then, with a start, he realized he hadn't been worrying that you wouldn't bond well with his family at all-- he knew before anything that you would click the moment you met. No, he was just scared that you would come to understand why people compared him with Farena. He was scared you would see him how everyone else did:
Aloof, vicious, not enough.
Buried memories flooded back into him, sharp as a polished knife. He touched the thought of you being on their side like a wound, and it answered with an ache. The pain was so abrupt that he could already feel something hardening within him. He opted to ignore it.
"Move over." He ordered, and you rolled to the other side of the bed. Without another word, he got under the covers and turned his back to you.
Silence seemed to stretch out, filling every corner of the room. Your shallow breaths gradually took on a calmer pace, and Leona thought for a second that you were already out for the count. Then your voice came, quiet but startling.
"Are you mad?"
A pause. "No."
"'Kay," you shuffled, turning to lay on your side. "Are you upset?"
"Go to sleep." He snapped.
"Was it something I said?"
He was partly annoyed, partly confused as to how you managed to notice the shift in his emotions even when you were drunk as a skunk. The space right behind him sank as you hovered over him, watching his side profile. He didn't need to look to know that you were observing him, but he did anyway, glaring back at your wide eyes with an edge impossible to hide.
"Was it the stuff I said about your brother?"
The mention of Farena was like a step on his tail. Leona growled, pulling up the blanket so you would have nothing to look at. "Shut up."
Your arm gave out under you, and you fell back onto the mattress with a huff, creating the illusion that you'd given up. But knowing you, there was no way you would just let this slide.
Predictably, you started moving around again, this time trying to pull him down onto his back. Compared to him, your feeble arms felt even weaker when you were drunk, but you were annoyingly persistent enough that he gave up and complied. A scowl seemed permanently pasted on his countenance. "What."
In the lightless room, Leona had a better look of you than you did him. Your hair was a spectacular mess, spilling over your eyes, in which there was determination, penetrating his soul. He fought the urge to look away, fearing that his feelings, those idiotic fears of his, would somehow reach you.
“C’mon, don’t give me that look,” you scratched the back of your head. “Sure, your brother may be charming and— hey, don’t push me!” You slammed your hands down on either side of his head.
“I swear to the Sevens, if you don’t-”
“No one can hold a candle to you, okay?” You snapped, as if the loudness of your voice could somehow force some senses into him. “No one even comes close. I know you’ve been told otherwise more often than not, but they're wrong. You're not abominable or wretched or lacking or pathetic or whatever the hell it is that they associate you with. Yes, you can be obnoxious and have a shell impossible to crack. Like a... turtle. But I know that deep down, you are not as unkind as they make you out to be.”
You waited and sighed at his silence. “Look, you don’t have to tell me how you feel. I know you hate gushy conversations. Just… I see you, okay? Even when the world doesn’t. And I love every part of you, even the hidden layers. Plus, you do have something your brother doesn’t.”
“And what may that be?” He probed.
You jabbed your finger at his chest. “This.”
“…My heart?”
You blinked, then cleared your throat. “Yea, that too.”
He wasn’t sure where to start, the whole speech you just did, the spontaneous turtle simile, or whatever the hell you meant by ‘that too’. The only thing he could mutter was, “Are you sure you’re drunk?”
“That’s your response?-”
“You just sound really collected-”
“Did you even hear a word I said?”
“Yes, crystal clear. Now sleep.” He grabbed your wrists and pulled, scoffing as you flopped onto him with a yelp.
Calm seconds ticked by as you shifted in his arms, positioned just how you usually were back in his dorm room. The only difference was that his hold was tighter than usual, a silent revelation of the thoughts he couldn't voice.
“For the record,” he pressed his lips to the crown of your head. “I don’t give a damn about what anyone has to say about me, except you. So…”
So as long as you’re by my side, I’ll never be afraid.
“…Never compliment my brother in front of me again.”
His words were wasted to the air— you were already gone in the land of Nod, blissfully unaware of the hell of a hangover you were going to go through the next day. A loving sigh escaped Leona as he ran his hand through your hair before dipping his head to kiss your cheek.
“Mm,” he grimaced as the sharp alcohol assaulted his nose. “Remind me to never let you drink again.”
#twst x reader#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#leona kingscholar x reader#leona x reader#leona kingscholar#sie writes
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AITA for playing Carnival Shooting Games while Someone Dies of Las Plagas?
I (27M) was tasked with saving someone who I'll call Ash (20F). However, the mission went sour from the start. The locals were extremely xenophobic and attacked me on sight. After a large amount of misadventures that I will not get into here, I found and attempted to rescue her. However, she attacked me on sight, thinking I was with the locals. Around this point we both learned we had a serious parasite that would ravage our bodies. She later attacked me with a knife before running off. However, I still did my job and found her again. Around this time, a mysterious Shopkeeper (??M?) offered us fabulous prizes for shooting games, and I took him up on it. Ash seemed happy at the time but afterwards she told me it was seriously irresponsible to do so while we were both dying. However, my mission was just to rescue her, not to cure her illness. AITA?
Edit 1: Thanks for the Reddit Gold!
Edit 2: We are both cured now, thank you for your concern.
Edit 3: Anyone saying Gloria a las Plagas will be blocked, Salazar stans DNI
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fighting fate
summary: you had some choice words for your friend who set you up on a not-so-blind date. but, because it went well, you decide to meet with him again. it’s not long before the spark reignites like when you first met, and you can’t help but fall for him.
or: you go on a second date with gale
word count: 5.5k
tags: *this is a sequel to ‘a blind date with a wizard’, you do not have to read it before this one :)* gale x implied f!reader/afab!reader, astarion and shart are terrible wingmen, elf!reader, fluff, some small angst, mildly medium burn, alcohol usage, wyll is also there and also your ex, omg karlach is also there
author’s note: this is my little disclaimer that i personally love wyll! i’m just using him as a plot point since there’s not many other main chara options that haven’t been mentioned already (that i would use in his place). its for the plot guys i swear i’m a wyll lover too
Okay, maybe you couldn’t be mad at Astarion and Shadowheart. Yes, they betrayed your trust by setting you up on a faux blind date with their wizard friend who already knew your entire life story. And yes, they did not take accountability for their lies and instead kept asking if you enjoyed yourself. But, their little plan worked, and you were scheduling a second date with the man they set you up with.
“I am still pissed at you both. Especially you, Astarion,” You glared at your friend as he flipped through outfits in your closet. Shadowheart was busy doing your makeup, turning your face back towards her.
“Look, you can’t stay angry forever. You needed someone to get your mind off of Wyll. I just did what I do best,” he replied, holding up one rather… skimpy outfit that you turned your nose up at.
“Lying? You could’ve at least told me a little about him so I didn’t feel so mortified! You told him all about Wyll and when I tried to vaguely mention that I had a bad breakup, he already knew all about it!” You huffed, and Shadowheart grabbed your chin to steady your face. She gave you a cautionary look as she got underway applying your eyeliner, her hand steady and precise. She had cast duplicity to do both sides at the same time, which made the process much easier.
“Sweetheart, if you knew half the things about him you’d refuse to meet with him. I kept you in the dark so you can see for yourself who he is,” Astarion held up another outfit, one a bit more casual but still would be pretty on you. You nodded in approval and Shadowheart nearly had an aneurysm.
“If you don’t stop moving your damn head I’m going to let you leave here looking like a sibriex,” Shadowheart warned you again, and you took heed of her notice this time.
With your makeup done and your outfit fresh, all you had to do was wait for Gale to arrive. The two of you had been back and forth for weeks now, mostly updating each other on current things you were up to. A few days prior, with your schedules finally open, he had sent word of when he’d like to take you out and you responded as soon as you could. Now, you waited for the date to commence.
“You can at least thank us for our assistance in getting you out of the house. Had I not convinced you to go on that blind date, you’d still be crying over Ravengard’s oldest disappointment,” Astarion remarked, and you snorted at the insult of a name.
You sighed after, messing with the ends of your hair. “You can’t blame me for being annoyed. You wouldn’t like it if I set you up with someone and told them you were a vampire before you could,” you raised an eyebrow at him knowingly. He couldn’t deny that you were correct on that front, but he wasn’t about to say that to you.
“Just be grateful he didn’t tell Gale about your little misadventures as a—“ Shadowheart began, and you quickly clamped your hand over her mouth, shushing her.
“Don’t mention that! It’ll bring bad luck to my date tonight,” you frowned, and both of your companions busted out in laughter.
You continued chatting until a soft knock sounded on the door, and you screamed internally. After getting up from the couch, you made your way to the door. You took a breath, eased your mind, and then opened it up for him.
“Hey,” you beamed at him, trying to contain your excitement. He bowed in acknowledgement and pulled out a small bouquet from behind his back.
“Good evening, my lady,” he smiled at you, extending the flowers in greeting.
You felt your face become hot while a small giggle left you. You took them from him and briefly smelled the assortment. “They’re lovely, thank you,” you replied, inviting him inside for a beat so you could set the flowers down.
“Well if it isn’t my favorite wizard of Waterdeep!” Astarion swung his legs over his chair, standing and heading towards him. He slumped his arm over Gale’s shoulders, patting his back. “Isn’t he just amazing, Y/N? Such a gentleman— is that bluestars I smell?” Astarion whacked him on the back once more, stepping around to you as he observed the flowers. Bluestars was a rather expensive perfume in Faerùn, costing over two hundred gold pieces for just a small bottle. You had never smelled it before, but you were sure you would later.
“Leave him be, Astarion,” you gave him a look, voice low to avoid Gale hearing you.
“Ah, I pay no mind to Astarion anyway,” Gale watched you as you placed the flowers neatly in a vase and filled it with water. “If I did, I sincerely doubt I’d be here at the moment,” he chuckled, and you beamed at the reply.
“You’re such a pain, Gale. You know that?” Astarion whined, before slipping back over to the couch.
“I’m sure he’s plenty aware,” Shadowheart called over her shoulder, focused on a book she had brought out.
“Thank you, Shadowheart, for your helpful insight on the matter,” Gale retorted, raising a hand to you once you were done with the bouquet. “Shall we?”
You took his hand, your face flushing again as he led you out the door. “We shall,” you answered, smiling sweetly at him.
“Bring her home before one!” Astarion called out as you both left.
“Oh, that may be difficult!” Gale retorted, allowing you to close the door behind you both as you departed.
“What, you plan on stealing me away for the whole evening?” You raised an eyebrow at him suspiciously, laughing as you interlocked your arms and he began to walk with you.
“Perhaps.. if you’d let me,” he nudged you gently, before leading you off to a small restaurant in the heart of the city.
“Hmm… it’ll depend on how this night goes,” you flirted, patting his arm tenderly. Soon enough, you were being seated inside the little restaurant, and looking over the menu. Everything looked… expensive. You didn't want to hurt the man’s coin pouch, assuming he was paying for it, but there weren't exactly any reasonable options, either.
“What are you getting?” You questioned, and he pointed to some mildly pricey menu item. That was your hint at expenses, and you picked a dish that sounded promising but wasn’t going to put you in debt if you ended up paying for yourself.
The date was filled with idle conversation, the two of you discussing parts of your home life here and there, commenting happily on the food you ate, and just sharing the good parts of yourselves. It was going great, extraordinary even.
Until he showed up.
Wyll Ravengard. You didn't even feel the eyes burning into the back of your head until you heard someone pleading with him to stop, attempting to keep him back. You flicked your attention over to the commotion, eyes going wide as you saw him. You wished you hadn’t made eye contact, that you’d minded your business, but you hadn’t. And now you had to deal with it.
You wanted to shrink down into yourself. Disappear into nothing- hide under the table like a small child. With the way things ended, how could you face him? He was a gentleman for your whole relationship— until he wasn’t. You couldn’t stand to see the face that spoke to you in such a way that night. No matter what influence he was under, what he did that night you broke up… you couldn’t forgive him.
You recalled the many nights after that fight, how depressed you had become. He tried several times to get your attention and apologize to you, but you were so wrapped up in yourself that it was hard to pay attention to anything. Some nights he was kindly about it, others he was swearing like a damned sailor who couldn't take no for an answer. You weren't sure who he had become, and no matter how hard he tried he was unable to reverse the past.
“Y/N!” He shouted your name, and you put your head in your hands. Maybe if you didn't see him, he would disappear.
“Wyll, please, not here-“ his friend Karlach, you recognized her as, tried to hold him back. But with his thrashing and flailing, he managed to worm his way free of her grasp.
“Impero te!” Gale moved to his feet quickly, and Wyll froze in place. You recognized the words as a command spell. It appeared Gale chose that over a holding spell, perhaps so he could speak with Wyll first. You knew it would wear off soon, so you placed your coin on the table and got up.
“Don’t you dare leave, Y/N!” Wyll exclaimed, and Gale turned to check up on you.
“I’m okay,” you reassured him, smiling faintly as you grabbed your things. “I’m just going to go outside for a minute.”
He nodded and waited for you to leave before his attention was on Wyll again.
You weren’t sure what happened after that, but only a little while later and both men were being tossed out by two guards you’d seen in the restaurant earlier. Gale’s face was down, his hand held up to his nose, and in the candle-lit street, you could faintly make out blood on his knuckles.
“You bastard!” Wyll ran to, presumably, take another swing, but Karlach grabbed him in time before he could.
“Gale-“ you rushed to his side, now that Karlach had a tight hold on Wyll, and checked him for any other injuries.
“I’m alright, I’m alright,” he soothed, despite the blood dripping down his face. You reached into the small bag you had brought and took out a cloth, gently wiping at his face.
“Does this jackass speak for you now, Y/N?” You heard Wyll snarl, followed by Karlach’s aggressive warnings for him to calm down.
“Mates, I’m really sorry for his behavior. I don’t know what’s gotten into him. Can I pay you back for the dinner?” Karlach surrendered, nodding down to a small coin pouch at her hip.
“It’s not your fault, you don’t need to pay for his stupidity,” you answered, moving Gale to sit down on a nearby bench. “Tilt your head back..” you instructed, a delicate motherly tone to your voice, and he did so, holding the cloth tight against his nose.
As you spun to face Wyll, you saw he was bloodied just the same. You had to hand it to Gale, he was more than just a gentleman. You sighed, composed yourself, and put on your bravest ‘what the fuck are you doing’ face.
“What do you want, Wyll?” You coldly asked, crossing your arms over your chest.
“You know what I want,” he huffed, still struggling in Karlach’s grasp.
“Actually, as a matter of fact, I don’t! It might surprise you, but I haven’t known what you wanted from me since the night we broke up. What could you possibly need from me after everything that transpired?” Your eyebrows furrowed together, irate with him. Thinking about that night hurt your mind and your heart, you’d much rather continue with your date like nothing happened. But, of course, the universe was always against you.
“Y/N-“ Wyll calmed slightly, his likely drunken stupor fading as he regained his senses seeing you like this. For a moment, he looked like how you remembered him. For a moment, he was yours again.
That quickly dissipated as he continued to speak, reaching towards you, begging, “I want you- I miss you. I should’ve never let this go, I should’ve never let that bastard get his hands on you. You’re mine, right? Like we used to say?”
You took a step back at his words, feeling sick to your stomach. After all this time, he still had that false hope he could get you back? That you still belonged to him? And what was worse, he called Gale a bastard. Again.
“I’ll have you know that bastard back there, is twice the man you ever were. I suggest you rethink your ownership because, to my knowledge, I belong to myself. I was finally- finally!- feeling free from your grasp and here you go, trying to steal my peace from me.” you clasped your hands together, groaning out in frustration before running a hand down your face. “I was done with you a long time ago, Wyll. Please, for the love of all of Faerún, let. Me. Go. Drop this faux apology and the pathetic act and move on with your life. That was embarrassing!” You sighed, running a hand down your face. The arguing in public was only adding to your humiliation, though many passersby just assumed you all were drunk.
“Y/N-“
“No, Wyll!” You cut him off, waving a hand dramatically to silence him. “I was so happy to be finally moving on from you and rebuilding myself after you left me in pieces and you had to come here and ruin it! You had to smash me to bits all over again! I just want to be happy, and you can’t even let me have that?” You could feel tears welling in your eyes, but you pushed them down like all your other worries. “Please, go home. Go away. I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to see you anymore, I want to go home. Without you.” It seemed that those final words got to him, and he realized his defeat.
As much as you had loved him in the past, he was no longer who you loved now. It was beyond you to change him to become the man he used to be, and you cried for the day he would find the love he would become that for. You wished he could do that for you but you knew it wasn’t right. It wasn’t even worth it anymore. Besides, you had to get Gale home and cleaned up anyway. What good would worrying about Wyll do for you?
“You’re sure you don’t want any coin, mate? I feel awful about all of this,” Karlach offered again, and you waved her off.
“Get him home safe, that’s all I ask,” you replied, and they were off. You watched as Wyll’s sad, defeated eyes stayed locked with yours until they were far enough away, and your heart broke all over again.
Gale knew when not to meddle in things that didn’t concern him, so he left that talking up to you. It was not his place to speak to Wyll for you, but his charming act of heroism in punching the shit out of Wyll was plenty for you.
You took another breath, unclenched the fists you had unknowingly created, and returned to Gale’s side.
“How are you doing?” You asked him, kneeling in front of him as he laughed softly.
“As good as a man with a broken nose can be. You don’t happen to have any healing potions on you, do you?” He replied, smiling at you.
“Not here, but I have some at home,” You offered, and he shook his head no to that.
“I’d rather not return to Astarion’s commentary on my little.. quandary here,”
You pondered for a moment, and then a metaphorical lightbulb appeared over your head. “Vis medicatrix,” you chanted, placing your hand on his arm to heal the wound. Blue light emitted from your palms and eyes for a moment and then faded. Why you hadn’t thought of that prior, you had no idea.
“There. How do you feel now?” You repeated, and Gale lowered the cloth from his nose. He breathed in and out a few times, and then nodded in satisfaction.
“You’re quite good at that,” he chuckled, trying to wipe off as much blood from his face as he could. His knuckles were covered in Wyll’s blood, you noted, and you were oddly surprised Gale didn’t have more marks on him from whatever took place inside.
“What even-“
“Perhaps later.”
You pursed your lips in understanding, standing straight as you waited for him. Where would you head off to now? He looked a mess, and you could hardly stand to be around everyone who had just witnessed what occurred. What would people say? They undoubtedly recognized Ravengard’s son, so what would the rumors tell about you? Those were worries for a later time.
“There’s a travel sigil nearby if you’d like to head to my home in Waterdeep with me,” Gale offered, and you interlocked your arms again when he stood up.
“I’d like that,” you agreed, letting him guide you home.
After a bit of walking and some magical travel, you were inside Gale’s rather lavish tower in Waterdedl. The walls were practically lined from floor to ceiling with books, showing his studious nature. The smell of thousand-year-old tomes and scrolls filled your lungs, mixed with the neverending hint of brandy and vanilla. He took good care of his belongings, despite his continued apologies over what he considered a mess. Though, the only clutter you saw was that of a well-studied scholar. It was impressive just how many books he had, and you wondered if he really had read all of them.
“I believe I have a bottle of Ithbank somewhere around here, let me get myself cleaned up first,” Gale offered, and you had half the nerve to speak up.
“Let me help you,” you proposed, and he smiled at you. That cheeky, knowing smile, akin to one Astarion would give you when you’d talk of something scandalous he was already doing. He nodded his head in the direction of his washroom and you followed along behind him, allowing him to sit on a small stool as you wet a rag.
“Well, go on,” you urged, tilting his face up by the chin as you stood between his legs. Gently, you began washing the blood off of his face. “What happened?”
“After you stepped outside, Wyll began saying some rather choice words,” Gale recounted, the night's events playing over in his mind, eyes ever trained on you. “He wouldn’t cooperate with leaving. He took the first swing, I assure you. It’s not like me to throw first, or even second. I usually counteract with magic but, albeit adrenaline was forefront in my mind, a more physical response felt qualified.”
You chuckled at him, shaking your head as you took his hands and cleaned them off, too. “I’m not a damsel in distress, you know. I just didn’t want to deal with him.” You informed him, wanting to make perfectly clear your reason for aversion.
“Oh, I’m fully aware. But I like to play the white knight now and then, if you’d indulge me,” he grinned, turning his hand in yours and taking it gently. He kissed the top of your palm in thanks for your help.
You giggled at him, splashing his face gently with water, to which he gasped, reached over towards the sink, and splashed you back. You both burst into laughter as you started a miniature water fight, flicking water droplets at one another. You, though, wouldn’t give up this nonsensical fight so easily, and splashed a small cup in his face. His expression turned sour and you darted out of the washroom, Gale quick on your tail, and began dashing around bookshelves to avoid him. The initial droplets soon became minor castings of ‘create water’, both of you careful not to damage the papers surrounding you.
“This honestly seems unfair!” He called over to you as you shimmied behind a small space between two bookshelves. Abruptly, he went quiet and you began to peek around some books to see where he was.
He didn’t even say a word as he wrung out his cloth over your head, your hair becoming completely wet.
“Gale!” You screeched, turning around to his shit-eating grin. You whipped out your cloth while grabbing his collar, suddenly pulled his shirt slightly off his body, and wrung out all the remaining water from yours down his chest. Then, you flattened his shirt against his chest, allowing it to become soaked in its own right.
He jumped slightly at the coolness and glared down at you, albeit playfully. He quickly pulled you against him by the waist, effectively getting your clothes damp, too.
“You know, this is one of my favorite shirts. It’s not supposed to get wet like this so the fibers don’t fray,” Gale hummed, staring down at you with a suggestive look in his eye.
“Oh? How ever will I repay you for ruining it?” You asked, batting your eyelashes at him with faux innocence.
He thought about it for a moment, pondered just a beat too long, and tugged you close against his hips. He leaned down towards you, letting his nose brush against your own.
“A simple apology should suffice,” he smiled softly, looking down into your eyes.
“Well,” you lowered your voice, your eyes flicked from his to his lips, and back up again. “I’m so sorry, Mister Dekarios..” your hands made their way to his chest, and you planted them flat against him. “I should dry this off for you too, shouldn’t I?” You pouted, pulling out the wide, cutesy eyes for him.
He took in a breath, placing one hand on top of yours while the other rested on your lower back. “While I love that offer..” he started, brushing his lips against yours, “Let’s take things slow, yes?” He asked, and your breath hitched. Good gods. You couldn’t believe how goddamn gorgeous he was up close. You wanted nothing more than to spend the whole night with him, whatever that would entail.
“Y/N-“
“Yes.” He didn’t even need to ask, but he started to anyway. Almost instantly, his lips were against your own, the hand on your back gently pulling you closer to him as if there was any distance keeping you apart. Your eyes fluttered closed, indulging yourself entirely the moment.
You replied instantly to him, grabbing at his shirt as you leaned up towards him. One of your hands released the fabric and slid up his shoulder, then into his hair, tugging gently.
He hummed happily in response to the pull, grabbing tighter at your waist. After another beat, he drew back and rubbed his nose against yours.
“Gale…” Your eyes slowly opened again, ever so slightly still shut, looking up at him with an unknown kind of intensity and love.
“I know…” he whispered, pressing a small kiss to your lips again, before he trailed down your neck with them, his hands solid against your back and keeping you steady.
You let out a soft, satisfied little groan, running your hands through his hair. He pulled back again after another brief indulgement of his thoughts and looked down at you. He was so perfect, you almost felt bad for making him deal with you and all your imperfections.
“Can I stay the night with you?” You asked, and then panicked as you realized he might get the wrong idea. “Not- like- we don’t have to do anything! I just… want to be here… with you…” your voice went quieter by the minute, and he chuckled at your shyness in asking.
Tilting your head up by the chin, he calmed your nerves. “Of course, you can,” he leaned down to you, pressing another small kiss to your lips.
He slowly pulled away from you, his hands ghosting on your waist before he stepped back, coaching you to follow him with his all-knowing smirk, bringing you to his kitchen. As you followed, he pulled out the aforementioned bottle of Ithbank and two glasses. You hopped up onto one of the counters, watching him pour into each.
“So, I have to know,” he began, handing you the wine, “if you’d be willing to share,” he took a sip from his glass, stepping between your legs this time, “what exactly happened with Wyll? Because that kind of a reaction from someone doesn’t suggest that the breakup was just messy, it suggests that it was, well, horrid to say the least.”
You took the wine glass from him, wrapped your legs around his waist, and sighed loudly. “I’d like to know about you and your ex first,” you replied, taking a sip slowly, “I don’t know much about you and right now the scales are quite imbalanced,” you finished, setting your glass down beside you. You leaned forward, draping your arms over his shoulders, and began to mess with his hair.
“Ah, Mystra…” he chuckled, though it wasn’t as enthusiastic as it usually was. He pursed his lips together, frowned slightly, and then began to speak.
“As you may know, Mystra is the Goddess of Magic, the Mother of the Weave, if you will. And I, myself, am a rather proclaimed wizard,” he started, bringing your arms down from his shoulders as he stepped back. He began to manipulate the weave around you both, a soft purple light shimmering and sparkling between and around you. “From a young age, I was using the Weave. I had much of it mastered by the time I was just ten years old. One of Mystra’s former chosen, Elminster, took it upon himself to train me in her absence, as she was not alive at that point.”
You saw the face of a man, conjured by Gale, who you could only assume was the Elminster he spoke of.
“When Mystra came back, she had lost a part of herself in her former death. Thus, she was weak. But, she could still sense my fascination and usage of the Weave. Soon enough, she began appearing to me. Only briefly, mind you, she was still far too injured to show herself entirely, but she still did.” This time, you saw the face of a rather beautiful woman, whom he alluded to as Mystra. How had he given up a Goddess? Well, you’d find out.
“At that time, she picked me to become one of her Chosen. Recognizing my skill for harnessing the Weave, and understanding my desire and devotion to her, it was an obvious choice. She started mentoring me, showing me parts of the Weave I had not yet discovered,” he continued, using visualizations of the encounters to help guide the storyline. “Eventually, we became friends. And then, even closer than that. Lovers. I desired to become great for her- intertwine our souls together, prove just how much I loved her. Remind you, she was dead for a long time,” he paused, making sure you were following him.
“When she came back, she had to regain the parts of the Weave that she had lost. I, knowing this, happened across a tome that told of a portion of the Weave that Mystra had not yet been reacquainted with. Lost to time, the elements, and Mystra’s long respite, this part of the Weave had gone uncollected by her and was still separate. It was imbued with Netherese magic from the folly of one of her chosen from many centuries prior, that in of itself is a story for another time. I sought to retrieve it and return it to her as an act of love- or, perhaps, egotism. I shall never know the true intent of my heart in those days, but, rest assured, I am no longer the same,” he smiled warily at you, hoping he was not losing you in everything. Both in the storybook tale he was telling, and romantically.
“The act of mine failed, rather horrendously so. What mortal man takes a piece of the weave for himself? A selfish one, indeed. Cursed with this portion, it was bestowed upon me. There are many details that I’m leaving for the sake of not boring you, but in a gist that is what happened. And now, this Netherese magic rests within me, seeking out parts of the weave to regain what it too had previously lost. Without magical artifacts, death very well could be the consequence. So, safe to say, I am no longer on my Goddess’ good side,” he paused, debating on what else to say. “It’s an arcane hunger, that’s what my Tressym, Tara, and I have figured out. I must consume those artifacts regularly to ease the hunger and calm the orb, otherwise I’ll… well, let’s just say it won’t exactly be very pretty.” He laughed slightly again, that sad, disheartened chuckle, and you felt terrible for him.
Mystra had essentially cursed the man she claimed to love, and you found that unfair. Why wouldn’t she just reabsorb the magic? Why put him under duress when all he wanted to do was prove his devotion? You would never say it aloud, but you despised the Gods and their unusual cruelty at times.
“I… don’t know what to say. That’s awful, Gale.” You realized that the details he had provided to you on your initial date were rather vague. Now that he explained it in more depth, your situation with Wyll felt minuscule in comparison. What’s a lover's quarrel in the shadow of a devoted, lovesick chosen being cursed with a gift he intended for his Goddess?
“Do not pity me, Y/N. It’s the consequence of a foolish man seeking more than he could attain. Had I not been blinded by my insatiable need to grow stronger and unlock arcane secrets that were not mine to know, I would not be here. Mystra had told me to be content, and I just couldn’t listen. But had I, I would not be with you. If going back in time meant that I would lose out on what I have now, I would suffer it all over a thousand times more,” he smiled at you, the magic fading as he returned and stood in front of you again.
“You’d suffer through losing your Goddess’ favor for me?” You asked, and he nodded. The look in his eye… was one of complete seriousness. While soft, you could see the determination behind his gaze. He did not intend to fault you like he faulted his Goddess. He wanted to savor this, savor you. You weren’t sure whether to be scared, or honored. What else was he willing to risk for you?
“I’d disown even the angriest of Gods if it resulted in our union being inseparable,” he placed his hand under your chin, tilting your head up towards him. “I have only known you for a short period of my life, and yet I’d live a thousand more years with you if I could.”
You felt your eyes water, the sentiment touching your heart. You looked towards the ground, before throwing your arms around him and pulling him in for a hug. You wrapped your legs tightly around his waist, and he pulled you close against him.
“Thank you, for everything,” you told him, burying your face into his chest. He held you just like that for a moment, allowing his head to rest on top of yours. When you finally pulled away, looking up at him with the sweetest doe eyes, he couldn’t help but lean down and kiss you again.
“You’re adorable,” he laughed softly, kissing you again and again. Your giggles broke the kisses and you whacked him gently on the chest to get him to stop.
“Are you alright? I know that was quite a lot to take in,” he asked, and you admired his sensitivity to your headspace.
“I’m alright. I’m still stuck on the fact you eat magical items, though,” you joked, and he rolled his eyes at you.
“Alright, alright. Enough about me. It’s your turn,” he wrapped the conversation back around to you and Wyll, and it pained you for a second to think about it.
And then you looked at him, enjoying his glass of wine with you, and you couldn’t help but feel connected enough to talk about it.
Until you heard the birds chirping happily outside, the two of you labored over the blow-up with Wyll. It was a weight off your shoulders, bantering with him about all the shitty things that happened that night. Like two drunken schoolgirls talking shit about a mutual ex-friend, you both couldn’t help it.
You weren’t sure how long you slept, just that you were comfortable, warm, and safe. Safe within the tight hold of Gale’s arms, under the silk sheets that lined his bed.
You had this inkling feeling that all was right in the world. The universe, for once, was back on your side. Back on his side. It was like mending a pot with the age-old art of kintsugi- melding two broken pieces together with gold-dusted glue. Was it perfect? By no means. But it was together. It was whole.
You were whole again.
At least, until you got abducted by Mindflayers.
#baldur's gate 3#fanfiction#for you#for you page#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#bg3 gale#bg3#gale fanfic#gale fluff#gale angst#gale#baldurs gate gale#gale x reader#gale romance#baldurs gate wyll#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate astarion#astarion ancunin#bg3 shadowheart#shadowheart#bg3 karlach#karlach#wyll ravengard#bg3 wyll#baldur’s gate fanfiction#bg3 fanfiction#x reader#baldurs gate fanfiction#fanfiction angst
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Solicitation for Sonic the Hedgehog #62
With Dr. Eggman and Surge subdued for now, Sonic and friends have a chance to relax, reset, and plan for the future. Join us for a set of misadventures in our brand-new story arc, starting here in issue #62 and running full speed through #66! First, Amy visits Knuckles on Angel Island to return a relic. The island, as always, has a few surprises in store for them as they catch up. Meanwhile, Mimic is putting together the purrfect disguise to infiltrate the Restoration.
Writer: Ian Flynn
Artist: Thomas Rothlisberger
Colorist: TBA
Cover A: Abby Bulmer (with Reggie Graham)
Cover B: Ryan Jampole
1:10 Retailer Incentive Variant: Nathalie Fourdraine
Tentative Release Date: June 28th 2023
#Sonic the Hedgehog#IDW Sonic#Amy Rose#Knuckles the Echidna#Mimic the Octopus#Ian Flynn#Thomas Rothlisberger#Abby Bulmer#Reggie Graham#Nathalie Fourdraine#solicit
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Tears In His Ferrari || Chp 6 - B.Barnes
Character: Bucky Barnes x Farmer!Reader
Summary: Bucky Barnes, used to a life of luxury, takes on farm challenges in a bet with his father. Mud-stained Ferraris and a rustic farmhouse lead to unexpected personal growth, guided by the stern mentorship of Y/N, a farmer making his city-boy life difficult.
Theme: Fluff, Slice of Life, Heart-Warming.
Main Masterlist || support: Ko-fi
Thank you to anyone who gave a like, reblog, and left a comment. It motivated me to write more.
Chapters: Chp 1, Chp 2, Chp 3 , Chp 4 , Chp 5 , Chp 6 , Chp 7 , Chp 8 , Chp 9 , Chp 10 , Chp 11 , Chp 12.
Bucky's journey into livestock care proved to be a comedy of errors. The sheep, cows, and chickens seemed to have a personal vendetta against him, kicking and nudging every chance they got.
His struggles became a source of amusement for his viewers, who were entertained by Bucky's hilarious encounters with the farm animals.
As Bucky showcased his farming misadventures in his vlogs and live streams, the comments section flooded with laughter and cheeky remarks from his audience:
Viewer 1: "Bucky vs the Farm Animals: Who will win? Place your bets!"
Viewer 2: "This is better than a sitcom! I'm here for Bucky's farm follies."
Viewer 3: "Next sponsorship: a crash course in animal whispering. You'll need it, Bucky!"
Amid the laughter, Bucky was inundated with sponsorship offers, each attempting to address his newfound occupational hazards.
Brands promoting painkiller sprays, band-aids, and even protective gear wanted to ensure Bucky remained intact despite the kicks and pecks from his feisty farm companions.
In one of his live streams, Bucky showcased the various products, adding his own comedic twist, "Alright, folks, after being kicked in the behind more times than I can count, our sponsors have come to the rescue! Say hello to the 'Bucky Farm Survival Kit.' Got a kick? Spray some pain relief, slap on a band-aid, and you're good to go. Now, let's see if these things work..."
As Bucky delved into the world of milking cows, he found himself facing a task more challenging than he anticipated. Sweat dripped down his face, and the effort required to extract milk from the cow left him visibly exhausted. Unbeknownst to him, in the midst of the struggle, Bucky instinctively pulled his shirt to wipe away the accumulating sweat from his neck.
Little did Bucky know, this unintentional move caused a momentary frenzy among his viewers. As his t-shirt hitched up, revealing a glimpse of his well-defined six-pack, comments flooded the chat:
Viewer 1: "Who knew farming could be so steamy? 🌾😍"
Viewer 2: "Forget the cows, I'm here for Bucky's abs workout!"
Viewer 3: "The real milk we're getting is from Bucky's six-pack. Thank you, cows!"
While Bucky grappled with the intricacies of milking, his viewers seemed more interested in the unexpected display of his physique.
Y/N strolled into the scene, her expression nonchalant as she addressed Bucky who was in the midst of his live stream. "You need to check if the cow is comfortable, Bucky. Happy cows produce better milk."
Bucky, still catching his breath from the milking endeavor, nodded in agreement. However, his enthusiasm dimmed when Y/N's gaze fell upon his unintentionally exposed six-pack. Expecting a compliment, Bucky was taken aback when Y/N's response was far from what he anticipated.
"Put on sunscreen if you want to be shirtless," she remarked with an unimpressed tone and a cold expression that sent ripples of laughter through the live chat.
Viewer 1: "Y/N with the reality check! 😂"
Viewer 2: "She just killed the vibe. Well played, Y/N!"
Viewer 3: "Note to self: Farming is not an excuse to skip sunscreen. Thanks, Y/N!"
Viewer 4: "Y/N just ended Bucky's shirtless saga. RIP six-pack dreams."
Viewer 5: "I guess farming isn't a thirst trap after all. 😂"
The unexpected interaction with Y/N added an amusing twist to Bucky's livestream, making his farming escapades even more entertaining for his audience.
The guy who taught Bucky chuckled, noticing Y/N's departure and Bucky's surprised reaction. "Looks like she has a sense of humor after all. You're in for some fun times here."
Bucky, still amused by Y/N's unexpected laughter, grinned. "I guess so. I'll keep that in mind."
As the guy continued with the instructions, he suggested, "You know, it might be easier to handle the cows and lambs if you use a horse. Y/N's got a good one. You can ride, right?"
Bucky, eager for a new experience, nodded confidently. "Absolutely. I'll give it a try."
Eager to try something new, Bucky followed Samantha's directions to the horse barn. There, he found Y/N taking care of the horses. Samantha greeted him warmly, "Oh, you're here for the horse. Y/N is just around the corner."
Samantha looked like she was preparing to leave, gathering a few things. Bucky, ever the polite guest, asked, "Are you heading out?"
Samantha nodded, "Yes, just a quick trip to the market. If you need anything, feel free to ask Y/N. She knows her way around here."
Bucky smiled appreciatively, "Thanks, Samantha. Have a good trip to the market."
Y/N, engrossed in her task, Y/N seemed in harmony with the magnificent creature before her. Her rhythmic patting and soft whispers with the horse showcased a deep bond.
As Bucky approached, he marveled at the scene, captivated by the tranquility surrounding Y/N and the majestic white horse.
The horse, bathed in the soft glow of the barn's interior, stood tall and regal, its coat a pristine shade of white that gleamed even in the dim light. The gentle sway of its mane complemented its graceful stature, creating an image of elegance and strength.
Taking a moment to absorb the beauty of the horse, Bucky greeted Y/N. "Hey, hope I'm not interrupting anything. I heard you have a horse that could help me with the cows and lambs?"
Y/N turned with a friendly smile, "Not at all. This is Snowflake. She's a gentle one. Want to give it a try?"
Bucky eyed the majestic Snowflake, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. "Sure, I've ridden horses before. It's been a while, though."
Y/N handed Bucky a worn but well-maintained saddle. "Snowflake is quite patient. Take your time, and don't worry. She'll sense if you're uneasy."
With Y/N's guidance, Bucky carefully saddled up Snowflake, adjusting the stirrups to his comfort. As he mounted the horse, he couldn't help but admire the view from this elevated perspective.
Y/N offered some advice, "Hold the reins gently and guide her with your knees. She's responsive, so you should be fine."
Bucky nodded, ready to explore the farm from a different vantage point. Sensing Bucky's intent, Snowflake shifted slightly beneath him, a subtle indication of their newfound partnership.
Y/N shared a tidbit about Snowflake, "My father gave her the name Snowflake. But you could change it if you want."
Bucky pondered for a moment, observing the horse's reaction. "Alpine?"
Snowflake, seemingly content with the proposed change, responded positively.
Y/N grinned, "Seems like she likes it."
Bucky chuckled, "I could change her name? You make it sound like this horse is mine."
Y/N teased, "She's yours. I'll just add it to your bill."
Bucky playfully rolled his eyes, "Thanks." Then he asked,"Your mom seems like she's going to leave."
Y/N paused for a moment before responding, "Ah, it's today."
"Today?" Bucky questioned.
Y/N explained, "You've never been to the market, right? Let's go."
Arriving at the market, Bucky was taken aback by the lively ambiance. The bustle of people, the colorful displays, and the rich aroma of fresh produce filled the air.
Amidst the crowd, the distinct sound of laughter reached Bucky's ears, and he spotted several middle-aged women, including Y/N's mother, engaged in cheerful conversation. The lively market presented a new facet of the rural life Bucky was gradually becoming a part of.
Amused by the scene unfolding in the market, Bucky couldn't help but be curious. "Why are the moms standing there?"
Y/N, wearing a sly smile, replied, "Just watch."
A sharp 'PIIIP' of a whistle cut through the air, drawing everyone's attention. In what seemed like slow motion, a muscular man with long blond hair emerged, effortlessly carrying a sizable salmon on one shoulder and a box of shrimp on the other hand. Y/N leaned toward Bucky, offering an introduction, "His name is Thor, a fisherman, and also a fireman. And today, is Thor's Day."
Thor, the charismatic figure of the market, greeted his customers with a charming smile, "Ladies."
The moms erupted in cheers, expressing their excitement. Bucky watched as one exclaimed, "I'll buy the salmon today."
One mom exclaimed, "Did you see the way he carried that fish? Like a Greek god!"
A more enthusiastic mom shouted, "Move over, salmon! Thor is the real catch of the day!"
Observing Thor's presence, Bucky couldn't help but feel dwarfed. His usual charms seemed to pale in comparison to the charismatic fisherman.
Thor, spotting Y/N, enthusiastically raised his hand, "Y/N, my friend!"
Y/N nodded in acknowledgment and pulled Bucky along, explaining, "Let's go. Thor is a friendly man."
As they walked away, Bucky couldn't help but notice Y/N's lipstick and blush. It seemed Thor had a fan in her too, adding a humorous touch to the unexpected encounter at the market.
Y/N, with a playful smile, introduced Bucky to Thor, the charismatic fisherman-fireman who had captured the hearts of the local moms.
"Thor, meet Bucky. Bucky, meet Thor," Y/N said, savoring the amused expression on Bucky's face.
Thor extended his arms in a grand gesture, welcoming Bucky with an engulfing hug. The warmth of the embrace only served to emphasize the considerable size difference between the two men, leaving Bucky momentarily stunned and playfully deflating his pride.
Thor chuckled heartily, "Welcome to the neighborhood, Bucky! If you ever need a hand with anything, just let me know. We're all like a big family here."
Bucky, regaining his composure, managed a nod and a grateful smile. "Thanks, Thor. I appreciate it. And, uh, nice fish!"
Thor's eyes twinkled with amusement, "Ah, the mighty salmon! She's a beauty, isn't she? Catch of the day!"
Regaining his composure, Bucky responded with a half-smile, "Well, it's not as glamorous as hauling in a big catch like you, Thor."
Thor chuckled, "Ah, but every venture has its charm. Farming, fishing, it's all part of the tapestry of life. By the way, how's the farm treating you?"
Bucky, appreciating Thor's friendly demeanor, shared a brief overview of his farming journey, making light of his encounters with livestock and the challenges he faced.
Thor listened attentively, offering encouragement and a few lighthearted anecdotes from his experiences.
Thor clapped Bucky on the back, "Farming, huh? That's a hearty job. You gotta be tough as a bull to handle it. But trust me, it's rewarding. I've got a small garden myself. Tomatoes and peppers, you know. Adds a bit of spice to life!"
Bucky nodded, appreciating the friendly advice. "Yeah, I'm still figuring things out. But it's good to know there are people like you around."
Thor beamed, "Absolutely! We look out for each other here. If you ever need fresh fish or some veggies to spruce up your meals, just give me a holler. And if you're up for it, we should get together for a workout. Gotta keep the body in top shape!"
Bucky chuckled, glancing at Thor's impressive physique, "Yeah, that sounds like a plan. I could use some tips on how to be as... robust as you."
Thor roared with laughter, "Robust, eh? I like that! Anytime you're ready, my friend. We'll turn you into a farming god in no time!"
Bucky, still riding the high of his positive day, received a call from his best friend, Steve Rogers. The cheerful tone of Steve's voice was infectious, and he quickly inquired about Bucky's new life in the countryside.
"Hey, Buck! How's farm life treating you?" Steve's voice echoed through the phone.
Bucky shared the highlights of his day, from learning to tend livestock to meeting Thor and experiencing the lively market. However, Steve's next revelation dropped like a bombshell.
"Oh, by the way," Steve casually added, "you remember Kate, right? The supermodel Kate? Well, she's been on a mission to find you. And guess what? She knows where you are, and she's heading your way!"
Bucky's heart skipped a beat, and panic set in. "Wait, what? Why is she looking for me? I'm not prepared for this! Steve, what do I do? I can't meet Kate like this!"
After thoroughly enjoying Bucky's flustered reaction, Steve teased, "Guess you made quite an impression, pal. Brace yourself for some Hollywood glamour in the countryside!"
The call ended with Steve's laughter ringing in Bucky's ears. He raced about Kate's expectations, wondering if he appeared presentable in his worn-out farm clothes.
Bucky took a glance at the mirror, questioning his choice of attire for the day. The smell of the countryside, mingled with the scent of animals and sweat, suddenly became more noticeable, and Bucky couldn't shake the feeling of inadequacy.
As he anxiously awaited Kate's arrival, Bucky couldn't help but wonder how this unexpected visit might alter the course of his newly adopted farm life.
Author Note:
Hey friends,
If you've been enjoying the content, I've set up a Ko-fi account. Your support through tips would mean the world and help me keep creating. Only if you feel like it!
Here's the link: Ko-fi
Thanks a bunch for being fabulous followers!
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Hey everyone! 🌟 Your input means the world to me.
If you've got any cool ideas or prompts, whether for this fluff series or any other series, feel free to share them with me!
Just drop them in my ASK/SEND REQUEST box.
Can't wait to hear your awesome suggestions! 🚀💬
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes au#james bucky buchanan barnes#bucky x reader#buckybarnes#james bucky barnes#farmer!bucky#bucky x female reader#bucky x you#bucky barnes x you#james buchanan barnes x reader#james buchanan barnes#the winter soldier#sebastian x y/n#sebastian stan characters#marvel x reader#marvel x y/n
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Hello, Invader Zim Fandom! Say, have you ever found yourself thinking “hmmm.... I wonder how often Zim and Dib skip classes due to their constant misadventures and battles?” Well, whatever you did or not, I am going to do it now! Time for…
Checking Attendance for Invader Zim and Dib Membrane!
"The Nightmare Begins"
Our first major confrontation between the two leads (leaving aside some quarreling in the middle of class, but I am checking attendance - not behavior) happens explicitly right after Skool has finished. So, no class has been missed in the production of this episode.
(I mean maybe I would ask about how long their Skoolday even is considering Miss Bitters introduces Zim, says ‘Doomed’ for a few minutes and then sends them home. But that’s, like, a common Bug with Schools in fiction. I’m going to assume that we’re not supposed to take the class/Skoolday as literally being that short.)
"Bestest Friend"
Zim takes a whole day off from Skool under the claim that he’s sick.
Zim: I'm sick. I'm not going to skool today.
Which, I mean, he said it to get Keef off his back, but then we do see he stayed in his lab all day to work on his Eyeball Machine. So yeah, here's our first missed attendance. Zim skipped a whole day of Skool right there.
"Nanozim"
Dib: Zim wasn't in class today, Gaz.
Gaz: Maybe he's sick.
Dib: Yeah, sick with fear!
Another whole missed day from Zim for the sake of his scheme!
"Parent Teacher Night"
Nothing! The entirety of this episode takes place either during Skool, explicitly after Skool or during a Skool-sectioned Afterskool event.
"Walk of Doom"
Now this is where things really get interesting. Because Zim certainly spent like a whole day on his and GIR’s little City Adventure - but also, you might want consider the possibility that this episode took place over the weekend, or even just that it starts after skool. After all, Invader Zim’s Daytime Sky doesn't change that much between the morning and the afternoon.
However, even taking these factors into account, I still think that it’s more likely that this episode does takes place during Skool Hours and is yet another example of Zim missing a full day of Skool, and that is for one reason - the background extras.
Through all of Zim’s Urban Misadventure, the City seems to be populated entirely by adults + one baby we saw on the Bus. No Skool-aged youngsters anywhere in sight.
And, maybe that’s a weird thing to get hung up on, but usually IZ Crowd Scenes do include a mixture of kids and adults… including some scenes in that very episode, but only after the transition into night. When Skool would obviously be already over.
Thus, I think it’s most logical to conclude that Zim, for some reason, decided to do this lil excursion in the middle of a Skoolday. Couldn’t wait for the weekend or even just the afternoon for some reason. He got a bee in his bonnet about the Guidance Chip and he had to do it at that very moment!!
(But I am going to cut him a little slack with the ending. Cause, like, obviously he’s been driving for like a whole night and it’s going to take him some time to get back home… but for the sake of Being Nice I am going to assume this episode takes place on a Friday and he's got the whole weekend to find his way back home and so he only missed one day of Skool. After all, isn’t this what ‘Invader Zim’ is all about? Being nice?)
(This is a rhetorical question and the answer is no.)
"Germs"
As Zim himself states, he did miss a day of Skool due to his obsession with Germs.
Zim: The skool! The skool will know I've been missing! They must be really suspicious by now!
I wondered if that was actually more than one day, but we only see one transition to night near the end of the episode.
Most likely this entire episode takes place over the course of a single day - Zim watched that movie very early in the morning before getting to Skool (he doesn’t sleep so he’s got a lot more free time in a day) and then got so Germ-Obsessed for that one day that he forgot about that.
And thanks (?) to the workaround at the end, we can be sure this time he only missed one single day of Skool.
"Dark Harvest"
So all of this episode takes place in the Skool, but mostly outside of the classroom. With Zim leaving early on after a lesson started, then Dib going after him a short while later and this whole …. Adventure lasted enough to get to Lunch Break and also probably the climax lasted a bit after it and into the next lesson period (considering how empty the Skool Hallways seem at that point.
However, this speculation is kinda moot since both Zim and Dib were both out there with Hall-Passes officially ‘just trying to get to the nurse’, so I am just not going to count it as skipping class at all. They had permission.
"Attack of the Saucer Morons"
Okay, so… this episode starts at night, but by the time Zim gets to the Saucer Morons it’s already Daytime. But since Zim was very adamant about getting his Voot back ASAP, I am going to assume this is taking place Very Early in the Morning. It just takes a while for Zim to get back home from the crash site and then back again without the Cruiser, but it’s still probably like… before Skool starts. 5AM-6AM or something like that? You know, the excitement of an Alien Spaceship is going to encourage a lot of people to wake up early.
It’s not entirely clear how long the events of the episode lasted in-universe. There’s a few ‘skips’, like, how long did Zim’s initiation take? How long did it take GIR to get the Government Man robot ready? How long did it take the Saucer Morons to make that lil’ set-up for Zim?
But, Fastforwards to the climatic chase scene at the end of the episode, and we can see Zim has zoomed by a Skoolbus. Now, this might be a Bus taking kids back from Skool, or taking the kids to Skool. Either the implication here is that Zim has wasted a whole skoolday and it’s already the afternoon - or it’s still early in the morning and Skool is just about to start. And… since it’s just down to my gut feelings, I am going to say the second one. I think all of the little-time skips during the episode still don’t amount to more than like, an hour or two. So it being just before Skool starts seems reasonable to me.
But, well, even for the sake of being nice to Zim…
I am going to assume that murdering all of these scientists (or however he got himself out of that jam) and getting back home to retrieve a new disguise will take like… A Considerable Amount of Time. And Skool was basically just about to start. So… I think that I’m going to mark it as Zim missing at least one class and getting to Skool late.
"The Wettening"
This episode actually puts a lot of attention into making sure all of Zim and Dib’s confrontations take place after Skool hours and that all the time they spend at home planning is happening during the weekend. This episode is mostly useful for explicitly establishing that Skool is operating with a two-day Saturday-Sunday weekend.
Now, I was wondering if I should count Zim as ‘skipping class’ for, y’know - not actually showing up to Skool on Monday and basically going straight home to drown to death in the toilet right after he won that water-balloon fight. But since the entire damn Skool was reduced to a ruin by Zim’s victory - I think it’s safe to say that Skool is canceled regardless. So that shouldn't count.
(Remember kids! If you wanna skip school, you should just blow it up with a giant Space Water Balloon first and then it’s okay!)
"Career Day"
The entire events of that episode were a Skool-sanctioned activity, so nothing really to report.
"Battle-Dib"
With the 8PM ticking clock, Doctor Membrane having a clearly very kid-oriented edutainment show that he’s apparently recording live, and all the other ordinary kids trying out for the audience… I think it’s pretty safe to say this whole episode takes place after skool.
"Planet Jackers"
Whole episode takes place at night, nothing for us to concern ourselves about.
"Rise of the Zitboy"
Okay, so this episode starts at daytime, with both Zim and Dib very clearly not at Skool - and usually that would be enough for me to assume this episode starts in the afternoon, but…
After Zim gains the Power of Pustulio, he seemingly immediately goes to Skool to test it out. There’s no reason to assume this is like, a whole night later. Zim’s only thought was about hypnotizing Dib and he knows where his house is. If it were the afternoon, wouldn't he just go to the Membrane household rather than wait for the next Skool Day? So this episode actually starts very early in the morning.
And, like, either way it seems like this is happening very early in the morning and has no real effect on their Skool attendence and I shouldn’t dwell on it too much for this post but… I guess it still kinda surprises me that Dib got up bright and early just to do this shit like an hour before skool starts.
Most of the episode seems to take place before the first period of the day even starts, so the only actually relevant part to our discussion is the very last line from Zim.
Zim: Bye Dib, and thanks for the information! I've got a few more lawn gnomes to plant!
So Zim is going to skip away before Skool starts to take care of the security problems in his Gnome Field right away. So… he’s probably going to miss at least one class, if he’s even coming back.
"Invasion of the Idiot Dog Brain"
Episode takes place entirely at night, not relevant to our discussion. I am not going to consider the ‘One Year Later’ gag as canon, because, like…. come on.
"Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy"
As the episode starts with a broadcast of Professor Membrane’s show (which as we have already established, is very kids-oriented, highly-rated and seems to be airing live), it’s a pretty safe bet that the whole events of this episode is taking place in the afternoon, so no Skool-Problems here!
"A Room With a Moose"
So, I am not going to knock Dib any points for leaving mid-class on something that wasn’t really a Skool trip. I mean… everyone thought it was a Skool trip, including the other students and their teacher. I assume either Zim took care of the paperwork while he was sneaking around setting up his plan or there was never any paperwork in the first place because it’s the IZ Earth and No One Cares.
Now about Zim… he has technically not skipped class in the sense that he was doing all of this under the guise of being in the toilet, but… Like, in his second round in the Restroom, he actually just never came back until… well, probably the next Skool day, considering it was nighttime at the end of the episode. Even with how apathetic Miss Bitters is… I assume she can conceive of the idea of a student trying to get out of Skool under the excuse of being in the bathroom, even if she doesn’t know/care about the Alien Teleporter Device.
So I am counting this as just a half day of skipping school for Zim.
"Hamstergeddon"
Okay, so this was actually the episode that inspired me to make this post, and the reason why I conceived of it as a “Zim and Dib Skipping School” list even though, as you have seen so far… Dib has a pretty spotless attendance record so far. I just saw both Zim and Dib piss off from Skool mid-lesson to follow the Hamster Kaiju and started to wonder ‘hmmm… how often does this happen?”
And since we never see Ultra Peepi, like, outright entirely destroy the Skool - I don’t think the day would be canceled like it probably was in “The Wettning” (if it was, I’d assume we’d see more students running out and not just Zim and Dib). And I assume Dib would notice the Growing Peepi Problem near the start of the day, so they both missed about a full day of Skool just then.
"Plague of Babies"
Takes place entirely during one night, not relevant here.
"Bloaty's Pizza Hog"
Explicitly takes place during the late afternoon/evening.
"Door to Door"
Another Skool-Sanctioned activity similar to ‘Career Day’
"FBI Warning of Doom"
Takes place during the evening/night.
"Bolognius Maximus"
After Zim reveals there is no cure to the Bolognafication, Dib runs out of the classroom screaming. This transition into a whole Zim Fantasy Sequence where he’s Gigantic and stuff. But it does seem like the whole ‘Dib being run out of Skool midway through the Skoolday’ did happen. Since they only re-meet after Zim is going back home from Skool.
So that’s the first time Dib loses attendance (basically an entire day, since he didn’t even last one whole lesson) but not Zim. (But Dib still has a lot of ‘catching up’ to do).
(This episode also establishes that Dib is often late to Skool due to his various paranormal misadventures. Reliably enough for Zim to incorporate it into his Vengeance. However, that’s not entirely relevant since I’m only counting attendance in this post and not tardiness. But I thought I might as well acknowledge it.)
"Game Slave 2"
Episode takes place entirely at night, not relevant.
"Battle of the Planets"
Same as above.
"Halloween Spectacular of Spooky Doom"
So I am not going to count Dib being forcibly institutionalized by Skool administration as ‘skipping classes’, obviously.
However, while Dib was being dragged off to the Crazy House, Zim used the chaos to ‘escape’ this Skool full of ‘Zombies’ and ready his base for tonight. Next time we see Zim, it’s nighttime and he is still readying his base. And even with Dib being late, it still seems like the episode started early in the first period. So Zim is skipping another full day of Skool basically.
"Mysterious Mysteries"
From the events of the episode, it seems like ‘Mysterious Mysteries’ airs live (or at least semi-live, in regards to the interviewed segments). We already know that it airs in the evenings because that’s always when we see Dib watch it. Even if it didn’t actually air live, they would probably schedule their interviews to afterskool hours when they have three elementary-skoolers to interview.
"Future Dib"
Episode starts at a Skool-Assembly, and then move to later that day in the afternoon/early evening (Membrane says ‘tonight’, but the sky is always daylight-yellow, so it seems to be later that day after Skoolhour, it’s just that the sun hasn’t quite set yet.) Either way, neither Zim nor Dib actually seem to skip class on that one.
"Hobo 13"
With this being an entirely Space-Based Episode, we have basically No Data on what Earth Time this episode takes place. Zim does generally seem to call the Tallests just after Skool or during the night, so I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt on that one and not count it.
"Walk For Your Lives"
While I have no doubt in my mind that Zim would skip Skool for the sake of Probing Day and maaaybe Dib would too for the sake of catching Zim by surprise, well…
So remember way way back during ‘Walk of Doom’ when I talked about background extras? Well, I’m doing this again but in the other direction this time!
Because all the city scenes in this episode do actually feature both child and adult extras (including literally some of Zim and Dib’s classmates).
So I think it’s most likely to assume this episode takes place just after Skool hours. Or perhaps the weekend.
"Megadoomer"
Starts right after Zim gets home from Skool, and lasts through the night. Not relevant.
"Lice"
Takes place entirely at Skool and also classes are canceled due to Lice Quarantine. I don’t really count any of the Nonsense in this episode as ‘skipping class’, it’s fine.
"Abducted"
We don’t have any details about when the episode takes place outside of ‘the daytime’, but again, Zim generally ‘updates’ the Tallest after Skool so I am going to assume this applies here. Plus, we also see Dib and Gaz at home by the end and they generally don’t skip Skool - so yeah, more evidence for this being the afternoon.
"The Sad, Sad Tale of Chickenfoot"
Episode explicitly takes place at evening/night, not relevant.
"Gir Goes Crazy and Stuff"
Episode starts at night, and ends at sunrise.
Not relevant.
(Also hey! Does this imply that we can tell that the City is on the East Coast at least?)
"Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom"
Starts at Skool and then seems to take place entirely at night - since the Wonderful Life of Doom starts with Dib sleeping in bed, I assume Dib kidnapped him and put him in the simulation while he was actually asleep.
"Tak: The Hideous New Girl"
Okay, so we had two fairly-regular Skooldays since Tak arrived on Earth.
Then, after Zim comes back from Skool the second day and Tak reveals herself, we cut to Zim’s battle against the Ham Demon. Which is also happening in the daytime. Although Zim later mentions he’s been trailing Tak for ‘48 hours’ - meaning exactly two whole days.
And then as Zim realizes he needs Dib’s help, we cut to the Membrane house at nighttime.
So… was that battle taking place in the afternoon/early evening and it’s just that by the time Zim got to the Membranes the sun had already set? That seems to be the case from the establishing shot. But then Dib yawns and rubs his eyes as if he just woke up and Professor Membrane says ‘good morning’.
I mean… with how often Dib seems to stay up late and wake up extremely early, maybe he takes a lot of afternoon-evening naps?
Or perhaps this suggests this establishing shot might’ve been just an art error? The little we see of the indoor backdrops are also kinda inconsistent about the Color of the Sky.
First seeming to indicate daytime.
And then… nighttime? Nighttime with sunset? Nighttime with sunrise?
Then nighttime again?
And then, the whole Giant Evil Weenie Stand sequence is at daytime again.
And it only becomes night again by the climax.
And with Zim’s ‘48 hours’ comment placing the Ham Demon fight at the early afternoon (it should be 48 hours after the Tak confrontation, which happened just after Zim got home from Skool) our scenarios are either:
Zim battles the Ham Demon, then almost immediately Zim confronts Dib after his afternoon nap (and the Color of the Sky around the Membrane household is just Consistently an Art Error. It should be daytime). And the rest of the events of the episode take place on that same day’s late afternoon/evening.
Zim battles the Ham Demon, then a few hours later Zim confronts Dib after his early evening nap (the Color of the Sky around the Membrane household is not an art error...for the most part. The sun has set already). Then the rest of the events of the episode take place over the next day.
Zim battles the Ham Demon, then the next morning Zim confronts Dib when he wakes up (the Color of the Sky might be a major art error, or it might be a failed attempt at conveying sunrise, or both). Then the rest of the events of the episode take place during that day.
And when considering which one seems to me the most likely, I took three different factors into consideration.
I wanna minimize just dismissing things as art/continuity errors. I want to be as canon-compliant as I possibly can.
The plot needs to maintain its sense of urgency. Having too many Big Timeskips where the characters just kinda don’t do anything significantly hurts the narrative. ‘
The possibility of skipped skool days which is… hey! Is actually what this post is supposed to be about!
Okay, so to elaborate on Point C: Scenario 1 has Zim spend like two full Skooldays’ worth of time on tracking Tak down and then he and Dib and Gaz stop her together during afterskool hours. Scenario 2 + 3 has Zim spend two skooldays, and then the three of them spend the day after that stopping Tak. And.. it’s not just a matter of considering Zim skipping two days versus three days and Dib and Gaz skipping one day versus zero days. Because also the weekend exists.
I actually think it’s incredibly likely that the Tak Reveal is supposed to take place on a Friday, and Zim tracked Tak over the weekend (so the ending of the Ham Demon sequence is on Sunday afternoon).
Especially as Dib apparently didn’t notice Zim either stalking Tak during Skool or just vanishing from Skool altogether due to the Ham Demon Situation. Like, considering how paranoid he is about Zim normally, you’d think he’d take notice and try and figure out if he is up to anything. Especially if it involved the girl he saw as an ally and friend. But it seemed like he was not bothered by anything or noticed anything Zim was doing in the meantime. Which I think only makes sense if Zim was ‘investigating’ Tak during the weekend.
So in Scenario 1 that would mean the climax of the episode took place during Sunday afternoon/evening. And Scenario 2 + 3 would mean that those events take place during Monday, and thus all of our main trio is either skipping skool or waiting until skool is done to go on their Earth-Saving-Missions.
And the latter is both unlikely because it wrecks the sense of Urgency in the plot and because… like… did Zim and Dib just go to Skool and Angrily Glared at each other until it was done? It really just kinda ruins the dramatic pacing if Zim and Dib meet between the scene at the Membrane Household and the Weenie Stand. So going to Skool on Monday and then doing the Evil Weenie Investigation afterwards seems unlikely to me.
And as for the former scenario… like, as you’ve noticed. Dib very very rarely skips Skool of his own volition. And Gaz never does. Honestly I don’t think it’s in-character for her. Not cause she’s a goody-two-shoes who would never skip class or anything like that. Just because she never takes all of this Alien Stuff seriously enough to consider it a worthwhile reason to skipping classes. And no, neither is getting her brother beat up by security - even if she does enjoy the latter a lot more.
I guess maybe just Zim could’ve been skipping Skool that Monday morning to do some more failed ‘investigative work’ before he actually realized the Evil Weenie Stand was important. While Dib and Gaz just attended classes like Normal and investigated the Weenies afterwards.
But then, like, did Tak go to Skool? She cares so much about showing off her ability to Actually Competently Infiltrate Humanity, and it seems most of the Evil Weenie Stand Construction is happening automatically… so I kinda assume she would go to Skool on that Monday? So with both Dib and Tak at class that day and Zim not being… that would be another Hypothetical Dramatic Scenario that is just Inexplicably Off Screen in the narrative.
You know like…. Maybe not Dib confronting Tak about Zim’s accusations if he truly doesn’t believe them at that point, but trying to warn her that Zim is deluded about her and out to get her? I just don’t believe any Skoolday after Zim and Dib's confrontation at Dib’s house could be uneventful enough so that we could just skip over it completely like that.
So, I really really tried to get a scenario where I don’t resort to the Art Error Clause but… I think the only timeline that makes real sense in terms of narrative and characterization is Scenario 1. So most of the events of the climax of “Tak: the Hideous New Girl” probably take place over Sunday afternoon and thus neither Zim nor Dib actually skipped classes. Zim just had a very very busy weekend.
"Backseat Drivers From Beyond the Stars"
Takes place entirely during the night/evening, irrelevant.
"Mortos Der Soul Stealer"
Same as above.
"Zim Eats Waffles"
Okay, so, there’s nothing in the text of the episode that explicitly says it but… since this episode centers around Zim eating waffles and reading the newspaper
I always kinda assumed it was taking place in the morning. And probably, like Saturday/Sunday morning.
This would also explain why Dib immediately goes to sleep at the end of the episode even though it’s the same ‘daytime’ sky-color outside.
He woke up early for this - but now that his plan has failed so thoroughly, well… It's still the weekend and now he’s going to sleep in for a while. He probably needs it.
"The Girl Who Cried Gnome"
Well, presumably Moofy and the other Girly Rangers don’t go selling cookies during normal Skool hours. So this episode either takes place after skool hours or also over the weekend. The amount of kid extras in the scene also supports that idea.
Of course, with the episode ending with Dib being tormented until nightfall, there’s a reasonable chance he won’t make it to Skool on the next day… but I’m going to be nice and assume he managed to get himself free, like, at 3AM or something. So he’s fine, just incredibly sleep-deprived and traumatized. So par for the course, really.
"Dibship Rising"
So, Dibship tries to go to school as Dib, and it seems like it could’ve worked
Poonchy: Hey! Dib's bein' all weird and giant again!
But, well for starters, Dibship only managed to get to Skool by the time for lunch break. I guess he’s really just figuring out how to walk and he’s pretty slow and heavy… So yeah, it might take him a While to get to Skool. Then once he is at Skool, Zim almost immediately takes him over and starts up his Evil Scheme.
It’s unclear how long it takes until Dib actually wakes up (hey, remember what I said about him being probably very sleep deprived?), but since Dib’s concern is about being late, I assume the skoolday is not yet over. And when he meets up with Dibship again…
Yeah, it actually took me a bit to notice it, but the scene is directed as to always obscure the top of the ship’s cockpit. AKA where Zim is. I thought at first that maybe he sent the ship out on its own and jumped onto it when it was passing through the Skool. But with that little trick of angles and the stick in Zim’s wig and GIR scattering acorns everywhere… yeah he was clearly on it the whole time.
So Dib missed about a whole day of Skool, spending the reminder of that day trapped just over the cesspool listening to the dying Dibship talk about how much of a loser they are.
Zim got about… half a skoolday done before skipping out for, as Dib pointed out, no real reason other then endangering himself. And I’m pretty sure he, like, died at the end of the episode. So he’s probably not making it back to Skool either.
"Vindicated!"
The events of this episode start during Skool and then explicitly continue after Skool, not relevant.
"The Voting of the Doomed"
Takes place entirely at Skool doing Skool stuff, not relevant.
"Gaz, Taster of Pork"
Well, I am not actively counting Gaz’s absences for this post, so I don’t need to worry about, like, the multiple weeks that her dad kept her isolated in his lab (and even so, I don’t think being forcibly being pulled out of the education system by your parents count as ‘skipping skool’?) As for Dib, most of his ‘research’ we’ve seen happen either in Skool
Or at nighttime and thus explicitly after Skool.
The daring breakout from Membrane Lab does happen in the daytime - the day after Dib’s Hobo Encounter at MacMeaties. The question is just if Dib decided to wait until after Skool to get the information out to Gaz or if he broke her out ASAP skool be damned. (And it can’t be the weekend this time, “this Friday” is our explicit Ticking Clock). But since the sun had already set by the time they finished with their chase scene… Honestly, yeah my guess is he decided to procrastinate by waiting after Skool to break her out lol.
So Dib has had another Very Long Night, but he probably didn't skip skool (and since the episode ends on Friday, he technically has two whole days to finish Cleaning the Pig Toilets and still make it back in time for Monday! Fun!)
"The Frycook What Came From All That Space"
So Zim gets kidnapped from Skool at the very start of the episode and , according to Sizz-Lorr, a week before the Foodening starts
Sizz-Lorr: YES!! And that's not all, Zim! In one week, the Foodening begins once more, and you'll be trapped here for 20 years, just like I was!
And Zim manages to get off the planet at the very last second before the Foodening trapped him there.
And we know there’s no ‘time warp’ in place cause Dib did notice Zim was gone for three days about halfway through the episode.
Dib: Um, I noticed Zim's been gone for three days. Do you know where he is?
So, yeah, Zim was absent from Skool for a week.
(I am… going to assume Dib did not spend like 72-96 hours non-stop annoying the Tallest. But rather he went back and to Zim’s house whenever he had the chance so I am not counting absences for him.)
"The Most Horrible X-mas Ever"
Takes place over Winter Break and thus is irrelevant.
In total, Zim has confirmed 12 missed full days of Skool + about two times where probably just skipped the first period. Dib has three missed days of Skool. So, like Zim might need to repeat the sixth grade if time ever Actually Moved Forwards in the IZ universe - but Dib is pretty in the clear I think.
Really, what I find really interesting, more than just the obvious difference between Zim and Dib’s tendency to skip skool is the difference between the earlier and later episodes. Like, not counting the five days Zim picked up at the second-to-last episode (which were very much outside of his control)… Zim picked up 4/7 missed days in just the first eight episodes! And after that they are far less frequent. Perhaps the writers deliberately tried to take care to not overuse the whole skipping skool thing too much? Or maybe from an in-universe perspective it just took Zim a few weeks to really wrap his head around how the skool schedule thing even works?
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