#'say goodbye'
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Whumptober Day 3 (Luke Alvez x Male BAU Reader)
No. 3 A HAIR’S BREADTH FROM DEATH
Gun to Temple | “Say goodbye.” | Impaled
This is my 1,800th post lol, that’s absolutely mental, also I went all out on this one, please please please read the warnings and tags.
Also there’s aspects of it that aren’t perfect but I’m okay with that, maybe I’ll change it in the future, maybe I won’t, who knows lol
Warnings: major character death, guns, suicide, suicide attempt, Russian roulette, failed suicide, dead body (not graphic, I don’t think)
Word Count: 2034
@whumptober-archive
"Say goodbye," You motion vaguely to your mouth, duct taped shut, with as much sass as you physically could. "Ah, not you. Bad hostages don't get to say goodbye. Bad hostages don't get closure." You glare at the man as he taps your nose with a grin. "No, you don't get closure." He turned around, scanning the other hostages, eyes settling on Luke who's in front of you. "He can get closure,"
You shut your eyes, hoping that, to outsiders, it looks like your mourning not being able to say goodbye to those you love. You know you're being selfish, but you don't know if you can listen to Luke exchanging his last goodbyes with Lisa.
This unsub (name still unknown) had taken large groups of citizens hostage, hurting and threatening them, before forcing members to phone their loved ones and say goodbye before he killed them. He had done this four times already with no hostages making it out alive. You and Luke were just on a coffee run when the unsub took control of the room, it was only a small coffee shop (you had convinced Luke to support a small business, he had rolled his eyes with a small smile before agreeing), and now here you were.
The unsub drags Luke to the phone, who punches in some numbers before it begins to ring. It takes three rings for Lisa to answer.
“Hello?” You furrowed your eyebrows at the voice. That certainly wasn’t Lisa.
“Hey,” Luke voice wavered
“Luke? What’s wrong?”
“Emily, I-” Luke cut himself off, swallowing. He needed to make this sound as believable as possible. “He’s making us say goodbye,”
“Luke-”
“Just let me talk, let me talk, please,” Luke’s eyes drift from the phone to you. “I know we work together and we aren’t really supposed to have relationships at work but the second I get out of this- the second, I want to be with you. I love you, I think I have for a while, but I just, things got too messy and I couldn’t say anything, I was with Lisa, you were with Kai and it just didn’t line up. But if- when I make it through this, you and I? We’re going to make up for lost time.”
At the police station, Emily’s eyes flicked up to Rossi, “We’re going to be together, you’re going to get out of this,” She hoped Luke would get the message. We’re coming for you.
Garcia’s heart ached as she and the rest of the team watched over CCTV. The situation was not good to say the least. They watch as Luke confessed his love to you through Emily, they watched the emotions fly through your eyes despite your best efforts to mask them. They saw your hands trembling slightly in front of you as you listened, as Luke’s eyes filled with tears, hands twitching towards you. All he wanted to do was embrace you, love you, be with you.
“I love you, so much, so much it physically hurts, but in the best way possible,” Luke said, only breaking eye contact to take a breath. “I’m a better person for knowing you, even if we don’t get the chance to be with each other, I’m a better person for loving you,”
Your sob was muffled by the tape covering your lips, but your shoulders still shook, the tears still trickled down your cheeks, sliding past the tape and under your chin. He loved you too. All this time, all those years could have been spent together. All this time wasted dancing around each other when you could have been together. Perhaps you would live together by now, engaged? Married? Thinking about kids? You’ve always known you wanted kids. You let yourself imagine having kids with Luke, him chasing them around the garden, the kids and Luke in a fit of giggles while you hold a hot cup of coffee close to your chest.
“And I’m so sorry that we may never become an ‘us’,” Luke added gently.
The unsub’s smirking, until he sees your shoulders shaking with silent sobs. He presses his gun to Luke’s temple. “You’re not talking to her, are you?” He spits.
Luke doesn’t answer until the unsub pushes the barrel of the gun harder into his temple. “No,”
“You’re speaking to him, aren’t you?” He says, using his other hand to point at you.
“Yes,”
The man gives a laugh before turning to you, gun still against Luke’s head. “You, get up,” When you don’t move, he shoves the gun harder against Luke’s head, “Get up!”
You scramble up the best you can with your hands tied. “You too Luke,” The unsub’s hands are clenched around Luke’s shirt collar, “You, not-Luke, in front, come on.” You stand in front of Luke, “Good, now, you’re going to lead the way, try anything, I put a bullet through lover-boy’s head.” You nod sharply.
You follow the unsub’s directions, it leads you down into the basement, under a drain and into the drain systems. You do as he says, not finding a safe opportunity to try and disarm him, not whilst his gun is flush up against Luke’s skin. There’s not even a chance to disarm him when he climbs up the ladder. He’s quick to put the cover back on. You look around, you appear to be in an abandoned warehouse. He forces you and Luke both on the ground, kneeling against the concrete floor, opposite each other but still relatively close.
When the unsub takes the duct tape from your mouth, the first words that come out are aimed at Luke, an urgent ‘I love you too’, he smiles and nods with a quiet ‘I know’ and you find yourself smiling.
The unsub, disgusted by this, doesn’t waste any more time. He tips the bullets out of the gun, placing one back into it’s rightful place in the chamber before pocketing the rest - the two of you too caught up in the moment to notice - he spins the chamber before shoving it into its position. He aims the gun and pulls the trigger.
The team back at the station split up, getting in their cars, speeding to the location Garcia sent them - she was able to narrow down which tunnel he would take based on the profile. Emily, Rossi, and Tara get there first, Matt, Spencer, and JJ pulling up a second later. Emily orders Matt and Tara to head round back, the rest of them are going through the front. There’s the familiar sound of a gunshot and the team starts running.
There’s a loud bang and something warm splatters against your cheek. You watch as a small strip of blood rolls down Luke’s temple before his body collapses to the ground, lifeless, eyes already beginning to gloss over.
You don’t realise you're screaming until the unsub’s hand clamps over your mouth. You struggle against him. Luke. You needed to get to Luke. You shout, bite, everything you can think of. Eventually, he decides it’s not worth it and he stops, turns and runs. Leaving you alone with Luke. Sobbing, you scramble to your left, grabbing a piece of glass from the floor, frantically cutting at the rope on your hands - not caring as you accidentally scrape the glass across your skin. “Luke? Luke, hang on!” When the rope’s off your wrists, now a bundle on the floor, you scan the room, spotting the phone you dial Garcia’s number, it being the only one you have memorised (other than Luke’s). Garcia answers, patching you through to everyone as she’s tracking your phone. You drop the phone, no longer caring about them on the other side - help was on the way, now you needed to be with Luke.
You crouch beside him, hands hovering for a moment before pulling him up and into your lap, his back flush against your chest, his head lolls to the side, lifeless. You press your forehead in the crook of his neck. “Luke?” The silence makes you whimper, “Luke please,” Your hands clench the fabric of his t-shirt tightly, you sniff, “Please?” You clutch him tighter to your chest, a sob wracking through your body. “I love you too,” You cry, “So much, so please don’t leave me,”
In the silence, you open your eyes. You spot the gun, not too far from where you’re sat. You could join him. You could finally be with him, after all this time. You’re moving slowly, sluggish. It’s heavy and cold in your hands, sending pins and needles up your hand, of anticipation? Anxiety? Grief? You’re not sure. You draw in a deep breath as you close your eyes as you lift the gun to your temple, waiting for the courage. A tear slips past your eyelashes, you draw in one final breath. You’re ready. You nod to yourself, keeping your eyes closed as you begin to pull the trigger.
“(Y/N), no!”
There’s a click and you’re ready. But nothing happens, your face falls and your eyes snap open, no. No, no, no, no, no, please no. You open the chamber and there’s nothing there. “Fuck!” You growl, you look up, locking eyes with Emily, “It’s empty, there’s nothing there!”
“(Y/N), we need you to give me the gun,” Emily’s voice is level but you shake your head.
“No,” Your answer is immediate, “No, he- and I-”
You don’t process Spencer running towards Luke, checking his pulse with JJ, before he looks up at her and shakes his head. You don’t see Rossi and edging closer to Emily. You don’t hear Matt and Tara walking up behind you.
“I know,” Emily answers softly. “I know, but I need you to give me the gun,”
“There’s nothing in it!” You yell, “It’s fucking empty!” You throw it, following it with your glare. And it lands, a foot from Luke’s body. Luke. You’re about to run to him when you see Emily give a small nod and Matt’s arms wrap tightly around, pulling you close to him. “Get off!”
“(Y/N), it’s okay, it’s me,”
“Get off me!” Your breaths coming in pants as you try to manoeuvre your way out of the hold, all you want is Luke. You want to be with Luke. Why can’t you be with Luke? A sob leaves your lips, “Luke?!” Part of you expects him to sit up, joke about having a headache, for him to glide over to you and gently envelop you in his embrace. Your frantic eyes meet Emily’s, filled with tears. “I need- I need to be with him, please-”
Rossi comes into your view, tears trekking down his cheeks, but his voice is even, “Kid, I need you to listen to me,” Your eyes meet his, a sense of comfort rushes over you. “I need you to take some deep breaths with me, okay?” You nod frantically, wanting him to know you’ll try, you will. “Okay, breathe with me,”
You follow his breathing, in for four, hold, out for four. Your breath hitches for a moment, before his voice calmly guides you through it. Five minutes pass and they’re no longer worried you’re an immediate threat to yourself, Matt’s arms are gone and you miss the comfort. They were helping ground you. You turn to him, chin wobbling as you remember and he understands and gently wraps his arms around you. Emily and Dave send him a look and he sighs before turning his attention back to you. “I’m going to need to put these on, just as a precaution,”
You nod, what else could you do? With the handcuffs in place (in front of you), Matt places an arm around your shoulders, you bury your head into his shoulders. He rubs his hand in circles in the centre of your back, “Let’s go,” He says softly.
Shaking your head you whisper, “I can’t see him like that again,” The image flashes past your eyes, body, lifeless, pool of blood. You shudder, hands gripping Matt’s shirt as you try and push the image from your mind.
“That’s okay,” Matt answers, “We’re going out the way I came in,”
“Okay.���
“We’ll get you through this, (Y/N), I promise.”
#whumptober 2022#no. 3#gun to temple#'say goodbye'#luke alvez#major character death#suicide#suicide attempt#failed suicide#guns#russian roulette#dead body#(not graphic description)#((I don't think anyway I'm adding the tag just in case))#criminal minds#criminal minds x male reader#x male reader#luke alvez x male reader#tara lewis#emily prentiss#david rossi#Jennifer Jareau#penelope garcia#spencer reid#matt simmons#may or may not have cried writing this
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when the night winds are driving on | also on ao3 | post-endgame, berserker!thor
In which Thor possibly regains a little of what he lost.
Whumptober Prompt #3: A Hair's Breadth from Death - "Say goodbye."
When it happens, the world narrows to nothing but the blood-red haze, the white of the electricity, the storm of lightning that dances up and down his arms, through every vein, surges out of his body to strike anything that comes too close.
The thud of Stormbreaker burying itself in body after body barely touches the edges of his consciousness.
There is shouting, he thinks, and a distant, forgotten part of Thor’s mind supplies ‘Quill.’ But it has no meaning. No context where Thor now exists, the only place he has found that makes his heart beat and his blood sing and his magic cry out at the sheer intensity of the desire to be alive alive alive again.
“Thor!”
It means nothing.
There are no more enemies to cut down, no more monsters to slay, but his blood is still singing and he turns to the bodies without a thought. He abandons his axe and plows his fists into the slain, knuckles cracking on bone and pounding into flesh again and again until his hands are slippery with as much innards and bile as blood. He roars to the sky until his throat tears and lets the wild magic coursing through him explode into the air, rip apart the atmosphere, rain down strikes of lightning that threaten to set the ground burning until all is ash and smoke.
In the aftermath, he crumbles.
And there is nothing left to feel but tired down to the very fabric of his bones. He wants to lie down amongst the bodies. Lie down among the dead and never get up.
“Thor.”
This does mean something (it means everything) and Thor raises his head.
Loki is there, knelt in front of him. Smiling gently. Wearing the ceremonial armor he hadn’t worn since before—
Since Before.
“Brother,” Thor chokes.
Loki’s smile softens. He leans forward and removes Thor’s hands from the corpse they are buried in. Carefully wipes away the blood. “You have to get up, Thor. Your thread is still being spun. You have more to do.”
A sob bursts from Thor’s chest. “I miss you.”
“I know,” Loki says, and there is sorrow in his eyes. “But it isn’t yet your time.”
Thor reaches out and rests his hand against the side of Loki’s neck. It is warm and solid and Thor chokes on another gasping sob. “Stay with me.”
“Ah Thor.” Loki chuckles fondly and covers Thor’s hand with his own. “I never left.”
Thor squeezes his eyes shut as the tears spill down his cheeks. He feels Loki place a hand at the back of his head, pulling him forward until their foreheads rest against each other. “Come, brother…Mother would never forgive either of us if I let you sit here for an eternity.”
A laugh squeezes Thor’s lungs in a vice and forces out more tears. “I don’t want to say goodbye.”
“You don’t have to,” Loki tells him softly. “You only need to stand.”
Thor does not move for a long time. He merely breathes there on a blood-soaked battlefield with his brother by his side, praying to the Norns in vain that this moment might last forever.
“Stand up, God of Thunder. I'll be with you.”
Loki’s lips press to his brow in a tender kiss.
“Alright,” Thor says at last. “Alright.”
When he opens his eyes, Loki is gone.
Thor stands.
He lets Quill and Nebula help him back to the Benatar.
He lets Mantis soothe his mind.
He sleeps.
He dreams of Loki laughing, bathed in golden light.
#whumptober2022#no.3#a hair's breadth from death#'say goodbye'#marvel#mcu#thor#loki#fic#non graphic violence#grief#depression#solv fic
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starting 2024 off on a good fucking note
snoozing tumblr live PERMANENTLY 👏👏👏
#i'm not even gonna be the bigger person and say rest in peace#i hope it burns in hell jfc#get fucked#tumblr live#goodbye tumblr live
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#I DON'T WANNA SAY GOODBYE#the owl house spoilers#the owl house#toh spoilers#luz noceda#camila noceda#hunter noceda#vee noceda#amity blight#eda clawthorne#lillith clawthorne#king clawthorne#willow park#gus porter#raine whispers#dana terrace#watching and dreaming
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what if we flirted at the gentlemen club 😳 (and we were both flirting) 😞❤️😞Discreet Gentlemen's Club
#good omens#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable husbands#Headcanon time: All the dancers at the Gentlemen Club fell in love with Mr. Fell at one point because he is such a cutie <3#and Aziraphale calls Crowley to investigate because he doesn't realize that he's too cute for this world#and instead thinks that his fellow dancers are being tempted!!!!????#And Crowley just snort laugh for ages while he watches Aziraphale flirt with all the gentlemens without even realizing that he's flirting#the day that Crowley and Aziraphale leaves Portland together#they go to say goodbye at the Gentlemen's club#and all the Gentlemen; after saying goodbye to Aziraphale#shakes Crowley's hand with a knowing look of “Respect to you sir; you managed to charm Mr. Fell. Good for you”#and Crowley looks back at them behind his glasses like ????????????#good omens comic#historical husbands#discreet gentlemen's club#ALSO:#fumetto che deve MORIRE 🤗#perchè ha osato esplodere mentre salvavo 🤗#mandando a puttane tutto il lineart 🤗#aspetta come si dice???? BRUCIAAAAAAA 🤗#🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥
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All of Grian's signs to other Hermit's in this video.
Excluding Mumbo's because it was kind of a diss on the back of his base. I'm so proud of all the Hermits this season, and i'm so excited for season 10. Can't wait for all the amazing things they will do.
#grian#hermitcraft#goodtimeswithscar#tangotek#bdoubleo100#joe hills#pearlescentmoon#impulsesv#geminitay#ethoslab#keralis#falsesymmetry#vintagebeef#docm77#zedaph#zombiecleo#let me know if i missed anyone! i probably did lols#i almost didnt get cleos because i didnt take a screenshot of it sobs#anyways. through tears i say goodbye to season 9! my lucky number#i will always love u season 9 <3
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Invader Zim was an unparalleled media experience. Some alien nearly destroys his planet so he’s banished to be a fast food worker. He decides to stop being banished when he hears he can destroy more stuff so they send him to the far reaches of space on a false mission so he dies but earth is there. He decides to collect information on the planet to collect its weaknesses by going to public school. The only people who can see through his disguise are a neglected rich kid 12 year old obsessed with Mothman and his gamer girl sister. Both the siblings are goth. The Mothman kid is the only one interested in stopping the alien but not out of any moral obligation or anything but for that sweet sweet daddy’s love. One time the Mothman kid got a therapist who killed the previous therapist and took his place, and this is a d-plot within the episode at best. The flagship brand of soda in the universe is called poop cola. There was an episode about how Zims entire alien race is more machine than human, and their entire being is contained in the little metal backpacks that are attached to them at all times, and their bodies are more things to carry these PAKS around and if they were to detach they would die while the PAK would attach to the nearest creature, overwrite their mind and kill them. This episode was cancelled to make the Christmas special. Gir is there.
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love is stored in the parallel play
#mine#original#ouagh . hello !!#we had to say goodbye to one of my kitties last week....she was we think maybe 16 or 17!! old lady!!#i will do a drawing for her when it hurts a little less#we are going to pick up her ashes in like. 15 minutes#ah.....th cruelty of time...#thank u all my commission people u r being very patient!! i will send sm more pics tomorrow hopefully#this and two other drawings will be new prints also!! i will probably order those this week i think#i still plan on making stickers but its too big brain for me rn sfbsks
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i'm sorry but this shit annoys me to no end. like this is about heartstopper and you all need to stop acting like that show invented everything.
fucking anyways
1. Koisenu Futari
Show that’s specifically made to be about aromanticism and asexuality as well as how aroace people are perceived by society. They are main characters. That’s the main plot.
2. Heartbreak High
Want a teen show with ace rep? No problem. One of the main characters is ace! Would you look at that! The representation already exists! It's got a ton of other rep too and it's on Netflix but somehow we never got that ace rep yet right? You don't even need subtitles for this one.
3. SkamFr (s12)
Is it a bit too much at times? Ye sure but you know what it also is? Another teen show where the main character is asexual that deals with asexuality as the main theme. And no you don't need to watch all those seasons before to get it.
4. Bojack Horseman
I didn't even watch this one but I'm aware.
5. Cherry Magic
Oh would you look at that a show with main mlm couple where one of the side characters is aroace? I mean surely it hasn't been done before.
6. Run On
You want some casual side character ace rep? Well here you go even kdramas have done it but I guess there just aren't any shows...
Honorary mention to Sex Ed for that one scene.
#asexuality#aroace show recs#aroace shows#i know there is more but these are ones me or my friend watched and we think they are good#alice o*eman would get a stroke over cherry magic because it's ~fEtIsHiSt BL so it couldn't possibly do what she does ://#and yeah i say that as someone who's fav book is radio silence#anyway if you actually cared about ace rep you would look beyond what is served to you by one streaming service goodbye#koisenu futari#heartbreak high#skam france#cherry magic#run on#bojack horseman
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"People do crazy things for love."
#house#house md#hilson#james wilson#gregory house#greg house#hugh laurie#rsl#robert sean leonard#s02e11#s08e22#I'm destroying my entire life just to say goodbye
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i think katsuki just answers his phone by barking out, "bakugou." no hello, probably doesn't even look at the caller id LOL when he hears it's you, though, i think he breathes out the tension he didn't realize was coiled in his shoulders, and says a lil, "hey," 🥺🥺
and i think when he calls you, and you answer with your sweet, "helloooo ??" he is so soft 😌 just mumbles out a quiet, "what'chu doin'?" and listens as you tell him, before saying what he needed to 😌
#okay one bkg thought and then i am going to bed hehe#i need him terribly i fear 😔#pls just the idea of him huddling in a corner so no one can hear him 🥺 as he speaks softly to you 🥺#and even if he calls to tell you something—he always asks what you're doing 🥺#and listens 🥺 and engages 🥺#i also dont think he says goodbye LOL#he just says 'alright' and hangs up LOL#or he says 'alright love you' hang up#why does this make me so insane for him idk idk#✿ thoughts: bakugou#✿ theme: domestic bakugou
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he is magnetically attracted to blankets and pillows
#wednesday#he's only here for one more week 🥺#my housemate is moving out to live with her boyfriend#they've been planning it for two years but I'm still not ready to say goodbye to the soft boy...#I've been living with my him and my housemate for a decade
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On Mother’s Day, Bruce’s voice dies quietly.
He leaves Alfred a gorgeous floral arrangement, laid with careful, hesitant , dirt stained hands, right by his bed. Ivy’s gardening tips had paid off.
They’re on the table by dinner time, crowned right in the center, yet no words pass between them. There’s no need.
Dahlias for Martha, hyacinths for Thomas, and gardenias for Alfred. Bruce doesn’t leave them by the mausoleum, thought. The kids do, — because they are that, to him, only to him, —
Clark gives him flowers, too, making his brows curve in surprise. He didn’t expect to get anything.
(There’s also a dinner, Clark informs him, — and he has this subtle command to him. It’s a talent not many notice. He makes an order sound like a suggestion, and Bruce can’t say it’s not a little alluring.)
“That’s too bad, ‘cause I’M taking you to dinner, so E.T better back off,” Jason grumbles, scowling down his novel, pretending to hate the tea Bruce made for him.
He blinks. “Damian is very adamant on going out as well,—“
“And me!” Dick cuts in, his grin wide and glowing moonlight, “Sorry Jaybird, I’ve been planning this for months. Better luck next time.”
“Uh, fuck you? Don’t you have an ‘absente son’ contest to win somewhere?”
“Hm, I don’t know! Don’t you have a bomb to plant in B’s car? Better hurry, you might actually succed this time!”
Bruce grunts, parental displeasure shaping his face, even if he knows very well this brotherly vendetta has no poison behind it. His babies were so stubborn. “Be nice to each other.”
“Have I shot him? No? That means I’m being nice.”
“You know what, you better get over your youngest child attitude, because you don’t run this place anymore,—“
“What, sorry, Queen Elizabeth? I couldn’t hear you over your anti aging cream, can you say that again?”
Bruce is dragged away by Damian while they’re fighting, naturally.
#BRUCE SHOULD BE CELEBRATE MOTHERS DAY AND THATS ALL IM GONNA SAY GOODBYE#bruce wayne#dick grasyon#jason todd#dc comics#batman#batdad#batfamily#text post#text#writing#hints of superbat
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haha yes it was in fact very funny that the doctor decided to pose as a friend of nerys but do you comprehend what it means that he even remembered her name??? like over a thousand years have passed and he remembers details like that about donna- her domestic life-because i'm sure she would talk his ear off all the time about things like that, friends and family and people from home she loved and hated and ex coworkers and shitty boyfriends and he remembers every. detail. he possibly can because she couldn't remember a thing about him. i'm sick im ill im sliding down the wall sobbing im
#i don't want to say goodbye to them again#i don't think i'll survive it#doctor who#dw#the star beast#donna noble#doctor donna#tenth doctor#fourteenth doctor#dw spoilers#david tennant
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I don't know what this is all I know is that LimL Joel makes me really emotional
#I know he has a tendency to go deranged on his red lives but idk something about him beginning to lose it after Jimmy died and killing Grian#joel smallishbeans#smallishbeans fanart#trafficblr#Again its his red life shenanigans but... If only Jimmy had known how affected someone was by his death. I'm choosing to believe this#and him then going out like a sad pathetic wet cat even with Grian's sacrifice... He really deserves a win one of these days lmao please#Also I cant stop thinking about how Jimmy wouldn't have left him. Grian was sensible to and most players probs would have#Joel really does become a lost cause so its fair and Grian did still care (and went to say goodbye as well as sacrifice his time for him)#But Jimmy would have stuck by even if Joel were in this state (and they'd both get themselves killed pathetically but)#And Joel having shown such genuine care for Jimmy and concern over his limited time... man anything w Jimmy makes me so emotional lol#I love them so#oh Ig about the art itself. I dont like it but hey thats how it tends to go when you try smth new. And no shame in trying#but if one person likes this then yayy I will still feel accomplished and happy#Im looking at this again and hey its not that bad actually yay I love to approve of my own art. self love hell yea#tubby art
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like idk man i’m all for found family but as an adult with friends who have moved to different parts of the world, stories that ‘separate’ the found family at the end and say “it is the impact, not the proximity, that determines your importance to me” will always hit harder and be more emotional than “you get older and unrealistically see all your best friends every day always”
#dragons rambles#amphibia#six of crows#httyd3#how to train your dragon#like both are good. and i appreciate both#but there's something about the Former that just hits#cause like. we all say goodbye Eventually. even if it's all the way at the end of our lives
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